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THE WINNING EDGE

The Winning Edge:


Communicating for Success

2006 Edition

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

THE WINNING EDGE

THE BUSINESS OF COMMUNICATION


The Communication Process Creating An Open Communication Climate
The Johari Window to Open Relationships Emotional Bank Accounting your way to Effective Communication

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

THE WINNING EDGE

Communication : An Introduction
The word communication comes from the Latin word communico meaning share. Communication has been defined in various ways. The one chosen here for its simplicity and practicality is Communication is a mutual exchange of facts, ideas, thoughts and perceptions, resulting in common understanding of all parties.

On an average, a person spends approximately 70% of his/her waking life


employing some form of communication talking, listening, reading or writing. Thus it is of utmost importance that one focuses on making communication as effective as possible. But this is one aspect we take for granted.

The important aspects of communication are:


Communication is purpose oriented. It is a two way process. Thoughts, feelings, emotions and values are an integral part of communication.

Front line personnel should spend over 50% of their time communicating
the information needed to conduct businesses in to motivate their people. In fact communication is not just a mangers job it is everyones responsibility.

The success of any organization lies not only in its channel of


communication but also how well they are being used. The bottom line simply is ..

Effective Communication is all about getting the desired results.

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

THE WINNING EDGE

The Process of Communication


The process of communication is very dynamic. It can be represented as follows: MESSAGE SENDER ENCODING CHANNEL DECODING RECEIVER

FEEDBACK

The sender decides to send a message, for which he encodes the message i.e. he translates his idea into symbols and forms. To ensure that the message is understood the sender must ensure that the encoding is done right. The message when received by the receiver is decoded. In other words he interprets it on the basis of his past experiences, expectations, etc. Most problems in communication arise when there is incongruence between the way the sender encodes the message and in the manner the receiver decodes it. Feedback forms an integral part of a communication process. This tells the sender how much of the message has been understood, that it has been received in full. Thus the process continues ending in a constructive exercise. However the process of communication is susceptible to breakdown due to various barriers or interferences that are a part of any organizational setup

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

THE WINNING EDGE

Non-Verbal communication
What is left unsaid is more important that what is said. A major component of the emotional impact of a message is communicated non-verbally perhaps up to 90 percent. Some major aspects of non-verbal communication are posture, gestures, eye contact, gaze, facial expressions, voice, feelings, etc. The principal aspects of nonverbal communication are 1. Physical Appearance 2. Body movement Gestures, Posture 3. Facial Expression So, Use an erect body posture when walking, standing, or sitting. Slouching and slumping are almost universally considered as indicators of low selfconfidence. Patting other people on the back and slightly nodding while patting is the best way to show appreciation non-verbally. Standing with toes pointed outwards rather than inwards. Outwardpointing toes are usually perceived as indicators of superior status, while inward-pointing toes are perceived to indicate inferiority. Maintaining eye contact with those around you. Smile frequently in a relaxed, natural-appearing manner. Speak at a moderate pace, with loud, clear, confident tone, people lacking in self-confidence tend to speak too rapidly or too slowly. Stand up straight especially during a confrontation. Cowering is a sign of a loser even before the conversation has begun. Correct use of space. People immediately move away if they experience invasion of their territory. So maintain right distance and through your body language exhibit respect for the individual. Do not gesticulate too much, generally this is a sign of nervousness and lack of control of situation. During introductions offer your hand confidently and grasp the other individuals hand for a few seconds in a sure and warm handshake.

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

THE WINNING EDGE Clothing, dress, and appearance are all means of non-verbal communication. You are therefore advised to pay attention to these aspects to portray a pleasing and assertive personality. The key indicators of relaxed body language are Maintenance of Eye Contact A comfortable smile Controlled and relaxed body movement Relaxed , pleasant face Well modulated pleasant voice To improve and get feedback of ones body language, it is recommended that you role-play various situations you are face with on a daily basis and get feedback from the mirror or a good friend. The recommendations is for conveying a positive image through the Voice are Tone to be low pitched Language to be simple Moderate speed of speaking Smile in the voice

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

THE WINNING EDGE

Introduction to Listening
Lis-ten-ing n (1996, International Listening Association): the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages Listening Facts Most people spend at least 45% of communication time listening Most people listen to and understand only about a fourth of what is being communicated We think faster than we speak (speech 150 words per minute & thinking 500 words per minute) 85% of individuals rate themselves as average or worse listeners Listening is the most used of all communication skills Listening is the least developed of all communication skills Listening training improves listening ability Listening is an art, a skill & a discipline that like other skills needs selfcontrol Listening skills are poorest when people interact with those closest to them. They interrupt and jump to conclusions more frequently We hear more rapidly than one can speak

The six stages of listening are 1. Receiving 2. Selecting 3. Interpreting 4. Understanding 5. Evaluating 6. Resolving

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

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LISTENING AWARENESS SELF-ASSESSMENT


Instructions: Tick that is nearest to the way you react when someone is speaking to you
Always Sometimes Never

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.

I focus all my attention on the speaker when conversing I consciously look for issues or action items during conversations I avoid planning my next remarks until after I have heard the entire message I approach conversations with interest and a desire to truly listen I avoid letting my emotions get in the way of my listening I avoid daydreaming as I listen I try to put myself in the speakers place and empathize with what he or she is saying To avoid jumping ahead in the conversation, I avoid assumptions about what someone will say I feedback, in my own words, what I heard the speaker say in order to verify my understanding of the message I check my understanding of a speakers meaning by asking for clarification of words or comments I do not understand I use a variety of techniques to stay focused while someone speaks I make eye contact oar look at the person as he or she speaks I consciously think about how someone might respond to what I say I allow the speaker to present his or her ideas even when I am emotional about the topic I don not let other sounds or activities distract me as I listen I listen objectively and dont judge the speaker When appropriate, I take notes as I listen I listen for ideas and concepts, not just details or facts I select a location that provides the best environment for effective listening and limits distractions I observe and evaluate the speakers physical posture and gestures as he or she speaks

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

THE WINNING EDGE

Active listening is a process by which we make a conscious effort to


understand someone else. Effective negotiators are active listeners. They strive to listen effectively and consciously manage their process. The active listening process is: 1. Sensing ( Receiving & Selecting ): Using all of your senses to take in information 2. Interpreting ( & Understanding & Evaluating ): Assessing the meaning of the information 3. Checking (Verifying & Resolving ): Reflecting on what you have heard in an effort to gain a mutual understanding of the speaker's intended message, so as to improve the quality of decision making. Sensing Sensing is the first step in the listening process. It is a data-gathering activity. We use all of our senses to take in information. We usually do this automatically and unconsciously. Effective negotiators raise this data gathering to a conscious level. When beginning a conversation, they remind themselves to make the speakers important, and pay attention to cues that will help them better understand the message the speakers are trying to deliver. A skilled negotiator pays attention to verbal, vocal, and visual cues. Such cues paint a clearer, more complete picture of the speaker's intended meaning. Verbal information is literally the words used by the speaker. Vocal information is the tone, rate, and volume in which those words are spoken. Visual information includes things like body language and facial expressions. Surprisingly, we get as much or more information from vocal and visual cues as we do from verbal cues. Interpreting Interpreting is the second step in the listening process. As we take in information, we evaluate and analyze it. Again, we usually do this automatically and unconsciously. Effective negotiators also raise this step in the process to a conscious level. When interpreting information, they strive to understand the meaning the speaker intends. They eliminate the barriers that make it difficult to accurately interpret the speaker. Checking Checking is the third and final step in the active listening process. Checking requires thinking first, then making reflective statements and asking questions of the speaker to clarify what has been said. Reflective statements convey the meaning the listener gave to the message. Such
Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

THE WINNING EDGE statements usually begin as follows: "What I heard you say was . . ." Reflective statements tell the speaker, "Here is what I think you mean."

Questioning
Good negotiators ask helpful questions as they check with the other. These questions usually are open-ended to encourage people to provide more information. There are four types of open-ended questions active negotiators use. Skilled negotiators resist the temptation to advise, criticize, or judge when asking these questions. They use these questions because they are genuinely curious to find out what other people mean

Open-ended questions
Question Type Openers Elicit general information that may lead to more specific questions Ask for elaboration, or to aid understanding Examples What are your ideas about your role in this group? What do you think are the goals of this project? Would you please say some more about that? What was the result? What do you think can be improved? Clarifiers Gain a clearer understanding of what has been said What do you mean by "urgent"? When you say you want this done "early next week," can you provide a day and time? Anything else? What do you think are the possible responses to this action?

Followups

Probes

Generate more or different information

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

THE WINNING EDGE

Balancing Advocacy and Inquiry


Advocacy includes statements that communicate what an individual thinks, knows, wants, or feels. Inquiry seeks to learn what others think, know, want, or feel

Model emphasizes the integration of advocacy and inquiry. It asks negotiators to express openly what they think and feel and actively to seek understanding of others thoughts and feelings In normal business discussions, people tend to advocate their positions in order to win and discourage inquiry into them. For example, a negotiator may have fallen into the habit of saying, I have decided this and I really dont want to discuss it. If he were attempting to balance advocacy and inquiry, he might begin by speaking this way, Here is what I would tend to decide, and here are my reasons why. Now tell me how you see it differently. Or a member of a group might say, Heres how I see the problem. My data is. . . . How do you see it differently? If our goal is to balance advocacy and inquiry, then we would listen by trying to understand what another person is saying and by having the courage to step into his or her frame of reference.

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

THE WINNING EDGE

BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION
1. Distortion of message: Our mouth is capable of speaking around 100-120 in a minute. However our mind can process 450 words in a minute. Thus when anyone talks to us, we hear what they say, but we also add words and meanings from our brain. Those words get mixed up with whatever the person says, and later it is difficult to remember what was actually said and what was added by us. 2. Past Experiences: We judge everything according to our past experience. Whilst each situation needs to be analyzed and evaluated individually. We tend to be prejudiced about situations depending what we are used to and expect things to happen in a particular way. 3. Failure to listen: Our mouth can speak 100-120 words in a minute and our ears can listen up to 240 word in a minute. But generally we do not use these sense organs in the actual ratio. Effective listening requires hearing and understanding. 4. Faulty Perception: This generally happens in the encoding and decoding stages. We tend to attach our views and perception to the message and as result it loses its purity. 5. Fear: Fear plays a very important role as a source of communication barrier in organization. The fear of the BOSS or CLIENT is a prime example of this. Very often one fails to communicate and this results in a breakdown. 6. Badly Expressed message: Sometimes people do not speak clearly or do not use proper words. This especially happens when not enough stress is given to the encoding stage. When we do not use the non-verbal aspects of communication like emphasis, pause during transmission the actual message is lost. 7. Language: Especially in India where we speak diverse languages and tend to mix them up, the chances of a communication breakdown always exits. 8. Exaggeration: It is important not to sell the benefits of your products. Claiming that your product is the best, finest may not sound believable to the customer 9. Ego: If you wish that communication is effective, keep your ego out of it. Many a communication breakdowns have happened due to the bloated ego. 10. Physical Distractions : Poor acoustics, bad phone connections, illegible copy, Uncomfortable chair, poor lighting, health problems are annoyances that can block communication 11. Information Overload : Too much of information makes it difficult to assess what is appropriate and can effect thinking and communication

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

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FEEDBACK - FUNDAMENTAL PART OF THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS


The giving and receiving of meaningful feedback is an interpersonal exchange that implies the presence of certain key ingredients: Caring, Trusting, Acceptance, Openness, and Concern for the needs of others. Thus, the extent to which the feedback is evaluative, judgmental, or helpful may depend on the personal philosophies of the parties involved. However, giving feedback is a learned skill that can be developed through the use of the following nine guidelines. Desired change is more likely to occur if these guidelines are followed. 1. Consider the needs of others. Feedback motivated by self-serving interests is not feedback but self-gratification. 2. Describe behaviors only, do not attempt to interpret. When one attributes a motive to another persons behavior, one is interpreting a persons intentions. Because intentions are private and are known to only the person who possesses them, the attribution of motives and intention to behaviors and actions is highly subjective. 3. Focus on behavior that can be changed. Effective feedback is aimed at behavior that is relatively easy to change. Feedback on behaviors that are difficult to change often creates anxiety and self-consciousness about the behaviors. 4. Be specific. When the feedback is specific, the person receiving the feedback will know which behavior is being discussed. 5. Wait for feedback to be solicited. In reality, most feedback is imposed. People often give feedback whether it is solicited or not and whether or not the person is prepared to receive the feedback. Feedback tends to be more helpful when it is requested 6. Be nonjudgmental. Feedback is not objective and is rarely as constructive if it is based on personal interpretation. Evaluation casts people in the roles of judge and defendant, often with disastrous effects.

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

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7. Give feedback immediately after the behavior. When feedback is given immediately after the action, the event is fresh in both peoples minds. In this way, feedback acts as a mirror of the persons behavior. There often is a tendency, however, to delay feedback. A person may fear losing emotional control, hurting anothers feelings, or being criticized. An exception to this guideline is the case of the regularly scheduled feedback session, the purpose of which is to keep communication channels open 8. Allow the freedom to change or not to change. A person should have the freedom to use feedback in any meaningful way without being required to change. A giver of feedback who tells a person to change is attempting to set the standards for right and wrong or good and bad behavior and is judging the other person against these standards. Pressure to change can be very direct or very subtle, thus creating a competitive, no-win relationship. Furthermore, imposing standards on others by expecting them to change arouses resistance and even resentment. 9. Express feelings directly. People frequently assume that they are expressing their feelings when actually they are stating opinions and perceptions. Statements that begin with I feel that . . . often finish with beliefs or opinions. For example, the statement, I feel that you are driving too fast, is an indirect expression of feelings. The underlying statement of feelings in the above example may be, I am anxious because you are driving so fast, or, I am frightened because you are driving fast. Indirect expressions of feelings offer an escape from commitment and often prevent meaningful feedback. AND FINALLY . It is most important to remember that feedback should nonjudgmental, specific, and should offer freedom of choice. be descriptive,

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

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Examples Of Body Language


NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR
Brisk, erect walk Standing with hands on hips Sitting with legs crossed, foot kicking slightly Sitting, legs apart Arms crossed on chest Walking with hands in pockets, hunched Hand to cheek Touching, slightly rubbing nose Rubbing the eye Hands clasped behind back Rubbing hands Hands clasped behind head, legs crossed Open palm gestures Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed Tapping or drumming fingers Steepling fingers Patting/fondling hair Tilted head Stroking chin Looking down, face turned away Biting nails , wringing fingers, ring-twisting Pulling or tugging at ear

INTERPRETATION
Confidence Readiness, aggression Boredom Open, relaxed Defensiveness Dejection Evaluation, thinking Rejection, doubt, lying Doubt, disbelief Anger, frustration, apprehension Anticipation Confidence, superiority Sincerity, openness, innocence Negative evaluation Impatience Authoritative Lacks self-confidence; insecure Interest Trying to make a decision Disbelief Insecurity, nervousness Indecision

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

THE WINNING EDGE

JOHARI WINDOW AND OPEN COMMUNICATIONS JoHari Window


Joe Luft and Harry Ingham developed a conceptual model to help us understand what might be going on in interpersonal relationships. The name of their model is the JoHari Window. The model works like this. Picture a square window with four panes. The two columns of panes are labeled "What I know about me" and "What I don't know about me" and the rows are labeled "What you know about me" and "What you don't know about me." The window looks something like this:

Quadrant 1, the pane in the upper left-hand corner, is called the Arena. This is the area in which both of us have the same information about me. This is the area of free and open communications. Here, both of us are aware of my behaviors and motivations, the things I do and say and the possible reasons why I do and say them.
Quadrant 2, the pane in the upper right-hand corner, is called the Blind Spot. This is the area in which you have information about me of which I am not aware. You have control over the information in the Blind Spot. Unless you share the information with me, I cannot know how I come across to you. Dr. Timmons also calls this the B. O. Area. It is as if I have a very strong body odor and everyone else knows it, but me. Quadrant 3, the pane in the lower left-hand corner, is called the Facade. This is the area in which I have information about me that you do not have. This area is under my control. You cannot know this information unless I share it with you. Some of the information which you would not know about me might include my past behaviors, my motives, knowledge I might have, and intentions towards you. Here, my hidden agenda resides.

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

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Quadrant 4, the pane in the lower right-hand corner, is called the Unknown. This is the area in which information about me is not known to you or me. Neither of us have control over this area. The information in this area may be discovered through insights after repeated and indepth interactions with you or through facilitation from a third party. I could go to a psychotherapist or psychoanalyst to find out information in this area, but in terms of day to day interactions, this information is generally not needed. To increase the flow of free and open communications and improve the effectiveness of our relationship, the Arena between us must increase in size. There are two ways to increase the size of the Arena. The first way we can enlarge the Arena between us is for me to reduce my Facade. I control whether or not I share information about me with you. I also control what kind of information and how much information I let you know. The more information I share with you, the less you have to guess about me. As a result, our communications improve because you will have more data with which to work. Secondly, you can share information about me over which you have control. This information is in my Blind Spot and I cannot know about it until you give it to me. By reducing my Blind Spot, the Arena increases in size. Our communication will also improve because I will have more data with which to work. The first approach to enlarging the Arena is called sharing or self-disclosure; the second is called interpersonal feedback.

Sharing or Self-Disclosure
By sharing information I know about me that you do not, I reduce the size of my Facade and enlarge the Arena between us. Sharing or self-disclosure puts more data on the table and gives you more information about what I am up to. The more data and information I give you about me, the more effective your inferences will be about me.

Information we can share about ourselves


Sensing- I can share with you the information I am receiving from my senses. My senses are always being bombarded by data from the environment. I may perceive these data differently than you. For instance, I may find the temperature in the room too hot, whereas you are perfectly comfortable. It could be important to our interaction for me to share with you how I sense the temperature in the room. The temperature may be distracting me from paying complete attention to you. If I say, "I notice that it is very warm in this room and I am sweating up a storm," we might decide to move to another room or adjust the thermostat. Sharing what my sensory organs are picking up may be useful information from my facade. Thinking- I can share with you my thoughts, ideas, and opinions. I can let you know about what I know and what I believe and how I make sense of what is going on. I can tell you how I organize my thoughts. For instance, if we were working on a task together that I had done hundreds of times before, it would probably improve our interaction if I let you know this.

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

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Feeling- I can share with you my emotional state. I can let you know if I am angry, happy, sad, mad, pleased, confused, comfortable, and the whole range of emotions I am experiencing in my interaction with you. For instance, you might work with me differently if I told you that I get upset when people look over my shoulder while I am working on a task. If I didn't tell you this, you would have no idea why I acted annoyed everytime you stood behind me. Needs- I can share with you the things I need, want, and expect. I can let you know what it will take to satisfy me. I can tell you how I would like to be treated. I may be exposing my vulnerability by telling you what I need. But I may find that you have the resources to help me out. You have little chance to satisfy my needs if you do not know what they are. Actions- I can share with you what I have done, what I am doing, and what I am about to do. I can also share with you the reason for my actions and give you some insight into my motives. If we are sitting at a table and I suddenly get up and walk out of the room, you have to infer what I am up to. However, if I tell you that I have to go to the restroom and will be back in a few minutes, you don't have to guess as much about what I am doing.

Sharing is under the discloser's control


In an interaction with you, I choose whether or not I will share information about myself with you. I am in control of my Facade and no one else can make me share that which I do not want to share. Likewise, I cannot demand that you share information from your Facade with me. To be most effective, we must allow others to decide whether or not they wish to share. We violate others' sense of self when we pressure them to share information with us they may not want us to know.

Risk
If our goal is to increase the free flow of information and improve open communications, we must share personal information with each other. I have to share information about myself with you. You have to share information about yourself with me. However, sharing is a risky business. If I share information with you about myself, how can I be sure that you won't use it against me? If you expose your vulnerabilities to me, how do you know I won't hurt you and the people you love? I can never be sure you won't hurt me. Likewise, you can never be sure I won't violate you. But if we are to accomplish our goal, we have to take a risk and share. This means we have to have a trust relationship.

Trust
A trust relationship is many things to many people. In terms of the people stuff principles we have been discussing, a trust relationship means you and I respect one another's uniqueness and appreciate our needs to feel like somebody. We strive to enhance and protect each other's zig zags, try not to violate each other, and preserve each other's dignity. We have an unquestioning confidence that when we offer one

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

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another sensitive information about ourselves, we will not use the information to hurt each other.

Going First
Trust doesn't just appear. It has to be built slowly and carefully. One way to begin building a trust relationship is for me to share something with you about me. The first steps include taking a risk and sharing something with you first. You will be more disposed to share something about yourself with me if you see me go first. On the other hand, if I depend upon you to share first and withhold information about myself until you share, we may not get out of the blocks. If I am aware that sharing breeds openness and openness breeds trust, if I have a feeling you are not aware of this, and if our goal is to build a trust relationship, it is my responsibility to take the risk and go first. Going first doesn't guarantee that we will be on our way to building a trust relationship. However, not going first definitely guarantees that we will struggle in our efforts. If someone doesn't take a risk and share first, we may never know the joys of a trust relationship.

How much should we share


How much we share and what we share is important. We need to share only that information which will nurture our trust relationships. To share everything we can is probably not useful or wise. We could scare others off if we dump our life histories and every thought we have ever had into their laps. The information I share with my wife will be much different and a lot more than the information I share with my friends. The data and inferences I share with my friends will be different in volume and type than that which I share with my insurance person. The purpose and nature of each trust relationship I have governs what I share with others. In my opinion, each of us has to determine what and how much we share. However, as a general rule, the more we share, the more open and effective our relationships will be, the more trust we will build, the more others are likely to share with us, and the more joy we will have from our interactions.

Interpersonal Feedback
Not all the information about me is known to me. As you and I interact, you will notice things about me of which I am unaware. Often I am not aware of the mannerisms, gestures, facial expressions, vocal inflections, and other behaviors I exhibit as I interact with you. I am certainly not aware of how my behavior affects you, your emotions, and your physical condition. This information is in my Blind Spot and it is under your control. We can further enlarge the Arena between us if you share this Blind Spot information about me with me. Sharing Blind Spot information is called interpersonal feedback and it is very helpful in improving the free exchange of information and the openness of communications.

Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

The Winning Edge : Communicating For Success

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Johari Window Questionnaire


Instructions:

Carefully read each numbered item and its statements marked "A" and "B." Allot a total of 5 points between options A & B for each question on the following basis

---------------------------------------------------- 0
You are least likely to react this way

You are most likely to react this way

1. If a friend of mine had a "personality conflict" with a mutual acquaintance of ours with whom it was important for him/her to get along, I would: _____ A. _____ B. Tell my friend that I felt s/he was partially responsible for any problems with this other person and try to let him/her know how the person was being affected by him/her. Not get involved because I wouldn't be able to continue to get along with both of them once I had entered in any way.

2. If one of my friends and I had a heated argument in the past and I realized that s/he was ill at ease around me from that time on, I would: _____ A. _____ B. Avoid making things worse by discussing his/her behavior and just let the whole thing drop. Bring up his/her behavior and ask him/her how s/he felt the argument had affected our relationship.

3. If a friend began to avoid me and act in an aloof and withdrawn manner, I would: _____ A. Tell him/her about his/her behavior and suggest that s/he tell me what was on his/her mind. _____ B. Follow his/her lead and keep our contact brief and aloof since that seems to be what s/he wants. 4. If two of my friends and I were talking and one of my friends slipped and brought up a personal problem of mine that involved the other friend, of which s/he was not yet aware, I would: _____ A. Change the subject and signal my friend to do the same. _____ B. Fill my uniformed friend in on what the other friend was talking about and suggest that we go into it later. 5. If a friend of mine were to tell me that, in his/her opinion, I was doing things that made me less effective than I might be in social situations, I would: _____ A. Ask him/her to spell out or describe what s/he has observed and suggest changes I might make. _____ B. Resent his/her criticism and let him/her know why I behave the way I do. 6. If one of my friends aspired to an office in our organization for which I felt s/he was unqualified, and if s/he had been tentatively assigned to that position by the leader of our

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group, I would: _____ A. Not mention my misgivings to either my friend or the leader of our group and let them handle it in their own way. _____ B. Tell my friend and the leader of our group of my misgivings and then leave the final decision up to them. 7. If I felt that one of my friends was being unfair to me and his/her other friends, but none of them had mentioned anything about it, I would: _____ A. Ask several of these people how they perceived the situation to see if they felt s/he was being unfair. _____ B. Not ask the others how they perceived our friend, but wait for them to bring it up with me. 8. If I were preoccupied with some personal matters and a friend told me that I had become irritated with him/her and others and that I was jumping on him/her for unimportant things, I would: _____ A. Tell him/her I was preoccupied and would probably be on edge for a while and would prefer not to be bothered. _____ B. Listen to his/her complaints but not try to explain my actions to him/her. 9. If I had heard some friends discussing an ugly rumor about a friend of mine which I knew could hurt him/her and s/he asked me what I knew about it, if anything, I would: _____ A. Say I didn't know anything about it and tell him/her no one would believe a rumor like that anyway. _____ B. Tell him/her exactly what I had heard, when I had heard it, and from whom I had heard it. 10. If a friend pointed out the fact that I had a personality conflict with another friend with whom it was important for me to get along, I would: _____ A. Consider his/her comments out of line and tell him/her I didn't want to discuss the matter any further. _____ B. Talk about it openly with him/her to find out how my behavior was being affected by this. 11. If my relationship with a friend has been damaged by repeated arguments on an issue of importance to us both, I would: _____ A. Be cautious in my conversations with him/her so the issue would not come up again to worsen our relationship. _____ B. Point to the problems the controversy was causing in our relationship and suggest that we discuss it until we get it resolved. 12. If in a personal discussion with a friend about his/her problems and behavior s/he suddenly suggested we discuss my problems and behavior as well as his/her own, I would: _____ A. Try to keep the discussion away from me by suggesting that other, closer friends often talked to me about such matters. _____ B. Welcome the opportunity to hear what s/he felt about me and encourage his/her comments. 13. If a friend of mine began to tell me about his/her hostile feelings about another friend whom s/he felt was being unkind to others (and I agreed wholeheartedly), I would: Valmar International with RSS Mani & Associates, Mumbai

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_____ A. _____ B. Listen and also express my own feelings to me/her so s/he would know where I stood. Listen, but not express my own negative views and opinion because s/he might repeat what I said to him/her in confidence.

14. If I thought an ugly rumor was being spread about me and suspected that one of my friends had quite likely heard it, I would: _____ A. Avoid mentioning the issue and leave it to him/her to tell me about it if s/he wanted to. _____ B. Risk putting him/her on the spot by asking him/her directly what s/he knew about the whole thing. 15. If I had observed a friend in social situations and thought that s/he was doing a number of things which hurt his/her relationships, I would: _____ A. Risk being seen as a busy body and tell him/her what I had observed and my reactions to it. _____ B. Keep my opinion to myself rather than be seen as interfering in things that are none of my business. 16. If two friends and I were talking and one of them inadvertently mentioned a personal problem which involved me, but of which I knew nothing, I would: _____ A. Press them for information about the problem and their opinions about it. _____ B. Leave it up to my friends to tell me or not tell me, letting them change the subject if they wished. 17. If a friend seemed to be preoccupied and began to jump on me for seemingly unimportant things, and to come irritated with me and others without real cause, I would: _____ A. Treat him/her with kid gloves for awhile on the assumption that s/he was having some temporary personal problems which were none of my business. _____ B. Try to talk to him/her about it and point out to him/her how his/her behavior was affecting people. 18. If I had begun to dislike certain habits of a friend to the point that it was interfering with my enjoying his/her company, I would: _____ A. Say nothing to him/her directly, but let him/her know my feelings by ignoring him/her whenever his/her annoying habits were obvious. _____ B. Get my feelings out in the open and clear the air so that we could continue our friendship comfortably and enjoyably. 19. In discussing social behavior with one of my more sensitive friends, I would: _____ A. Avoid mentioning his/her flaws and weaknesses so as not to hurt his/her feelings. _____ B. Focus on his/her flaws and weaknesses so s/he could improve his/her interpersonal skills. 20. If I knew I might be assigned to an important position in our group and my friends' attitudes toward me had become rather negative, I would: _____ A. Discuss my shortcomings with my friends so I could see where to improve. _____ B. Try to figure out my own shortcomings by myself so I could improve.

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Johari Window Score Sheet


Calculating Your Scores: Copy your point values from the questionnaire to the appropriate spaces below. Total each column. Willingness to Disclose/Gives Feedback 1A ________ 4B ________ 6B ________ 9B ________ 11B ________ 13A ________ 15A ________ 17B _______ 18 B_______ 19B _______ Hidden Unknown Open Blind Charting Your Scores: On the X-axis of the graph below, mark your score for Solicits Feedback, then draw a vertical line downward. On the Y-axis, mark your score for Willingness to Self-Disclose/Gives Feedback, then draw a line across. Enclose the lines to make a box, then label each quadrant according to the key:

Solicits Feedback Self-

2B ________ 3A ________ 5A ________ 7A ________ 8B ________ 10B ________ 12B _______ 14B ________ 16A ________ 20A ________

Total ________

Total _______

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THE WINNING EDGE SOLICITS FEEDBACK 5 0 5 WILLINGNESS TO SELF- DISCLOSE 10 15 20 25 30 35 40 45 50 10 15 20 25 30 35 40 45 50

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Integrated EQ for Effective Communication


Emotional Intelligence communicates Leadership Research has shown that the importance of emotional intelligence increases with level of seniority in an organisation, and that it's emotional competence rather than technical or intellectual ability that makes the crucial difference between mediocre leaders and the best. Whilst effective leadership and management at all levels contribute to organisational performance, leadership and team working capability at a strategic level has the most significant impact on both culture and performance. Putting these Principles into practice can however present more of a challenge. The concept of emotional intelligence also referred to as emotional quotient or EQ, can help by clarifying principles and providing an effective behavioural framework. So, what is EQ and how does its application fit with the executive leadership role in particular? Definitions of EQ suggest that it includes not only the ability to understand and influence emotions, but also that intuition and personal integrity are key elements. Daniel Goleman, accredited with popularising the EQ concept during the 1990s, describes emotionally adept people as those who know and manage their own feelings well, and who deal effectively with other peoples feelings. My definition of EQ as follows, integrates reflection of understanding distilled from a variety of published sources with views shared as part of indepth and extensive debates during leadership and team development programmes.

EQ definition:
Acknowledging and understanding the influence of emotions on ourselves and others, and responding using integrity and intuition to guide behaviour

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EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNTING


As a practical framework for developing and maintaining productive working relationships in the business environment, Stephen Coveys concept of the Emotional Bank Account in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People provides a useful starting point.
Covey suggests there are 6 major deposits we can make into relationships with others as follows: 1. Understanding others on a personal level. This could relate to demonstration of understanding of values, beliefs, likes, dislikes, priorities etc. 2. Attending to the little things showing concern for and interest in others, and demonstrating this by thoughtful acts of consideration. 3. Keeping commitments valuing commitments and keeping promises (or explaining fully when unable to keep them.) 4. Clarifying expectations the degree (and timeliness) of clarity of communication with others. This relates to both functional/professional role communication as well as to expected behaviour on a more personal level eg feedback expectations/ clarifying differences of opinion etc. 5. Showing personal integrity doing the right thing, conforming reality to words and demonstrating strong moral principles. 6. Apologising sincerely acknowledging openly and honestly when in the wrong. Applying the Emotional Bank Account concept to strategic thinking requires in depth reflection of the impact on others prior to making decisions and implementing strategy at a corporate level. Seeking to anticipate and understand others emotions before making decisions that affect them not only demonstrates an EQ approach, but also makes sound business sense.

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The opportunity to make either deposits or withdrawals to relationships at both an individual and group level, is clearly apparent. Interestingly, the Greek philosophical sequence of ethos (integrity), pathos (empathy) and logos (logic) also endorses the value of seeking to understand fully before making and communicating decisions. Specifically incorporating EQ considerations in the decision making process is therefore invaluable at both an early stage and throughout the proceedings. Recognising the influence of emotionally intelligent behaviour by senior management on wider staff groups is therefore especially important. Conversely, company value statements are meaningless unless they are supported by associated attitudes and behaviours, particularly at a senior level. Executive leaders should therefore be EQ behavioural role models on both an individual and collective basis.

Text references/further reading:


Executive EQ by Robert Cooper & Ayman Sawaf (Orion Business 1997) The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey (Simon & Schustler UK Ltd 1989) Working with Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman (Bloomsbury)

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GETTING ALONG WITH PEOPLE


Managing Disagreement and Conflict Managing Adult SITARA Transactions

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CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
Introduction Conflict is a process of management and not necessarily resolution. As managers and supervisors, you should know the importance of Conflict Management. Recent studies estimate that you spend about 40% of your time resolving disputes among your staff. As humans, conflict is inevitable. We are all very different people with varied interests and desires. Managers must recognize this and learn to use it to their advantage. Understanding the causes of conflict can help when deciding which approach to take towards resolution. Conflict can be a positive force if managed effectively. Left unmanaged, conflict can have a number of negative effects. 1. 2. 3. 4. Poor morale Low productivity Waste of resources High turnover rate Different problems occur depending on the situation and set of employees. Individuals may feel management is against them or have problems with others around them. People working in groups often feel anger, frustration, antagonism and suffer misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

Managing conflict can raise their self-esteem, making them feel management does care and that they are important. PROCESS OF CONFLICT: To handle conflict effectively one must understand the process of conflict. 1. Perception of conflict: This is a stage of latent (hidden) conflict. Beginning of feeling of tension, frustration, dissatisfaction, etc. 2. Realisation: The stage where the presence of conflict is conflict is confirmed. Availability of resources (skill, power, etc.) is assessed. Grievances are expressed. 3. Strategy selection & Implementation: Based on the availability of resources the right kind of approach is selected. This is the most crucial stage. However the planning of strategy for managing conflict is often most neglected and this leads to dysfunctional conflict. 4. Evaluation of outcomes: The positives and negatives of the outcome are weighed. Whatever the resolution there is a need to monitor continuously for resolution may just be temporary.

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Levels of Conflict Conflict as we have seen, has many different causes. Conflict can also occur on many different levels. First, managers must understand whether the conflict is with others, the company or its policies or with themselves. Realizing this can lead to understanding what set the person off and how to rectify the situation. There are three basic levels of conflicts. Daily events--'last straw' Challenges--personal and professional Battles--win/lose situation Later we will talk about the most appropriate approach to managing these levels of conflict. The simplest sources of conflict are the normal day to day problems of life. This can cause the conflict to skip from one level to another. A minor irritant before lunch can rage out of control after a misplaced order or slow service.

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Instructions: In the blank preceding each statement, write the number that indicates how often you engage in the behaviour described Almost always 5 Often 4 Sometimes 3 Seldom 2 Almost Never 1

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLE PROFILE

In a Conflict situation
1. I enjoy a debate 2. I attempt to deal with all of others people as well as my concerns 3. I go for practical outcome 4. I let others take responsibility for solving the problem 5. I get annoyed by aggressive people 6. I put my own point vigorously 7. I insist that the other person put his views before I put my own 8. I look for trade-offs: give and take a little 9. I try to do what is necessary to avoid useless tensions 10. I try to put others need first 11. I take the leading a group 12. I consistently seek others help in working out a solution 13. I get annoyed by people who stick o protocol and rules 14. I try to avoid creating unpleasantness for myself 15. I am open to influence from the other person 16. I like having the last word 17. I attempt to get all concerns and issues immediately out in the open 18. I like being trouble shooter 19. I try to postpone 20. I try to soothe the others feelings and preserve our relationships 21. I feel strongly motivated by need to reach my goals 22. I try to create rapport with the other person 23. I feel strongly motivated by a need to find immediate solutions 24. I feel that differences are not always worth worrying about 25. I am willing to sacrifice my own wishes for the wishes of the other person 26. I speak up when I think I am right 27. I feel strongly motivated by a need to share power 28. I may annoy others by giving grounds too quickly 29. I feel strongly motivated by wanting not be the target o f other peoples anger 30. I try not to hurt others feelings 31. I get annoyed by people who wont stand up for themselves 32. I like being a facilitator 33. I try to find a position that is intermediate between other persons view and mine 34. I get annoyed by people who deliberately create danger in relationships 35. If I makes other people happy, I let them maintain their views 36. I may annoy others by seeing bossy 37. I get annoyed by people who refuse to work as equal 38. I try to find a fair contribution of gains and loses for both of us 39. I void taking positions which would crate controversy 40. If the others position seems very important to him/her I try to meet his/ her wishes

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THE WINNING EDGE PART II


Instructions: Next to each word put the number that indicates how other describe you Almost all 2 Some 1 None 0

In a Conflict situation people will describe me as 1. Forceful 2. Patient 3. Pragmatic 4. Fearful 5. Flexible 6. Articulate 7. Calm 8. Focused on the short term 9. Careful 10. Passive 11. Impatient 12. Problem solver 13. Tactical rather than strategic 14. Procrastinating 15. Cooperative 16. Inflexible 17. Willing to learn 18. Charming 19. Low Key 20. Lacking authority 21. Ruthless 22. Steady 23. Frivolous 24. Unconfident 25. Unselfish

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SCORING
PART ONE A 1 6 11 16 21 26 31 36
TOTAL

B 2 7 12 17 22 27 32 37
TOTAL

C 3 8 13 18 23 28 33 38
TOTAL

D 4 9 14 19 24 29 34 39
TOTAL

E 5 10 15 20 25 30 35 40
TOTAL

PART TWO 1 6 11 16 21
TOTAL

2 7 12 17 22
TOTAL

3 8 13 18 23
TOTAL

4 9 14 19 24
TOTAL

5 10 15 20 25

GRAND TOTAL

GRAND TOTAL

GRAND TOTAL

GRAND TOTAL

GRAND TOTAL

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CONFLICT MANAGEMENT PROFILE GRAPH

50

44

38

32

26

20

14

8
Competing A Collaborating B Compromising C Avoiding D Accommodating E

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CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLES


THOMAS - KILMANN MODEL

A S S E
R T I

Competing (Win- Lose)

Collaborating (Win-Win)

V E N E S S

Compromising
(Sharing)

Avoiding
(Withdrawal ,Postponement, Delegating, Deferring )

Accommodating (Lose-Win)

CO-OPERATIVENESS

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THE WINNING EDGE RESOLVING CONFLICTS: APPROPRIATENESS OF STRATEGIES
1. Competition (win-lose) When resources are limited In emergencies When enforcing unpopular measures In matters of vital importance where it is risky to give an option User characteristics Takes firm stand Can be intimidating to subordinates who are likely to fear dissent

2.

Collaboration (win-win) When both the parties concerns are equally important When the commitment of both parties is essential for implementation of the solution When the parties objectives are: (a) To learn (b) To develop synergies (c) To maintain smooth relationships User characteristics Views disagreement as opportunities to make things better Sometimes tries inappropriately hard to reach consensus on unimportant problems

3.

Compromise (lose-lose) When goals are of lower order importance As a short-term solution When competition or collaboration fails

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Cynically views the mechanics of compromise as more important than the substantive concerns about the controversy Able to give and take Not intimidated by the stressful environment of a bargaining situation

4.

Accommodation (Submission: lose-win) When realizing that one is in the wrong When the others need/goal is more important When continued conflicts are damaging to the relations For preserving peace & harmony User characteristics Accepts default decisions Withholds contributions of decision making Cautiously evades conflict Does not want to hurt others feelings Delegates or passes controversies on to others

5.

Avoidance For cooling of emotions

For more information When someone else can resolve the conflict better
User characteristics Gives in to others when warranted or perhaps when not Reasonable Willing to admit errors Wise enough to surrender when appropriate Knows the correct exceptions to policies

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Ways To Practice Conflict Resolution


COMMUNICATION Conflicts are often caused by problems in communication. One person may have misunderstood what the other person has said. Or the other person may not have said what they meant to say. Sometimes when we're angry we don't hear what the other person is saying. Sometimes when there is a conflict, people do not tell each other, which causes even more conflict. Good communication skills are an important part of resolving conflicts. LISTENING It's important to listen carefully. Your "body talk" sends a message that you are listening. Keeping eye contact, leaning closer, nodding your head when you understand a particular point, and ignoring distractions that are going on around you are some of the ways to send the right body messages. NEGOTIATION Negotiation is a communication process in which people try to work out their conflicts in a peaceful way using conflict resolution techniques. MEDIATION Sometimes people who want to work out a conflict just can't seem to agree on any way to work it out. They may want another person to help them solve their problem. A mediator is a person who helps two sides to work out their problems peacefully. The mediator helps those in conflict to focus on the problem and not blame the other person, to understand and respect each other's views, to communicate their feelings and what each is really saying, and to cooperate together in solving the problem. GROUP CONFLICT RESOLVING Problems that led to conflict can also be worked out together in a group. The same conflict resolution principles are used: focus on the problem not on assigning blame to any person take turns sharing everyones point of view listening (without interrupting) to all of the other points of view all members must show respect and not criticize other members or their ideas

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THE WINNING EDGE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT PROFILE GRAPH

50

44

38

32

26

20

14

8
Competing A Collaborating B Compromising C Avoiding D Accommodating E

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CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLES

THOMAS - KILMANN MODEL

A S S
E R T I

Competing (dominance)

Collaborating (win-win)

V E N E S S

Compromising
(Sharing)

Avoiding
(Withdrawal)

Accommodating (accomodating)

CO-OPERATIVENESS

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12
THE WINNING EDGE RESOLVING CONFLICTS: APPROPRIATENESS OF STRATEGIES
6. Competition (win-lose) When resources are limited In emergencies When enforcing unpopular measures In matters of vital importance where it is risky to give an option User characteristics Takes firm stand Can be intimidating to subordinates who are likely to fear dissent

7.

Collaboration (win-win) When both the parties concerns are equally important When the commitment of both parties is essential for implementation of the solution When the parties objectives are: (d) To learn (e) To develop synergies (f) To maintain smooth relationships User characteristics Views disagreement as opportunities to make things better Sometimes tries inappropriately hard to reach consensus on unimportant problems

8.

Compromise (lose-lose) When goals are of lower order importance As a short-term solution When competition or collaboration fails User characteristics

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Cynically views the mechanics of compromise as more important than the substantive concerns about the controversy Able to give and take Not intimidated by the stressful environment of a bargaining situation

9.

Accommodation (Submission: lose-win) When realizing that one is in the wrong When the others need/goal is more important When continued conflicts are damaging to the relations For preserving peace & harmony User characteristics Accepts default decisions Withholds contributions of decision making Cautiously evades conflict Does not want to hurt others feelings Delegates or passes controversies on to others

10.

Avoidance For cooling of emotions

For more information When someone else can resolve the conflict better
User characteristics Gives in to others when warranted or perhaps when not Reasonable Willing to admit errors Wise enough to surrender when appropriate Knows the correct exceptions to policies

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Ways To Practice Conflict Resolution


COMMUNICATION Conflicts are often caused by problems in communication. One person may have misunderstood what the other person has said. Or the other person may not have said what they meant to say. Sometimes when we're angry we don't hear what the other person is saying. Sometimes when there is a conflict, people do not tell each other, which causes even more conflict. Good communication skills are an important part of resolving conflicts. LISTENING It's important to listen carefully. Your "body talk" sends a message that you are listening. Keeping eye contact, leaning closer, nodding your head when you understand a particular point, and ignoring distractions that are going on around you are some of the ways to send the right body messages. NEGOTIATION Negotiation is a communication process in which people try to work out their conflicts in a peaceful way using conflict resolution techniques. MEDIATION Sometimes people who want to work out a conflict just can't seem to agree on any way to work it out. They may want another person to help them solve their problem. A mediator is a person who helps two sides to work out their problems peacefully. The mediator helps those in conflict to focus on the problem and not blame the other person, to understand and respect each other's views, to communicate their feelings and what each is really saying, and to cooperate together in solving the problem. Mediators are peacemakers. GROUP CONFLICT RESOLVING Problems that led to conflict can also be worked out together in a group. Often group problem solvers sit in a circle, so that all members are equals. The same conflict resolution principles are used: focus on the problem not on assigning blame to any person take turns sharing everyones point of view listening (without interrupting) to all of the other points of view all members must show respect and not criticize other members or their ideas

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An Introduction to Transactional Analysis Compilation of Key Issues in TA

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EXPLORE YOUR PERSONALITY.


Rating Scale : (4) ALWAYS (3) FREQUENTLY (2) SOMETIMES (1) RARELY (0) NEVER Score ( 4 or 3 or 2 or 1 or 0 ) against each statement, as Most Applicable to you . 1. I give people reasons whenever my work is not done 2. I feel bad about something (about what someone did / said to me or what I said / did) 3. I expect people to do what I say 4. I easily notice changes in the expressions on peoples faces 5. I try hard to meet the expectations of others 6. If someone is ill, I suggest that he/ she goes to see doctor or takes rest 7. I think that I am always right in an argument 8. I like organizing and reorganizing data in proposal and schemes 9. I help my friends / colleagues / elders / boss by going a little out of way to do something 10. I criticize my own behavior 11. I take a stretch back and really enjoy the feeling of loosening my muscles and relaxing 12. In crisis I have several options on how to handle the situation 13. I insist that others take care of themselves ( for e.g. take an umbrella if it is likely to rain) 14. I answer the phone in a well modulated ( calm and composed ) voice 15. I decide on the basis of principles ( values I believe in ) 16. I do what my boss/elders say/s to do even if it is difficult 17. I feel guilty about not doing something ( not getting the job done on time) 18. I laugh loudly and openly at jokes 19. I rebel ( fight against) against injustices 20. I dislike taking orders 21. I find ways to make boring jobs interesting 22. I like analyzing what people say to me 23. I have an healing / calming / soothing influence on others 24. I discuss my problems with friends / family , to identify the real facts and for solutions

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25. People should take life more seriously 26. Others do not come up to my expectations 27. If I feel that someone may be not be able to do a job / task , then I should do it for him/her 28. I make sure that my needs are met first ( before others needs ) 29. Others feel that I support them 30. I set people straight ( reprimand / shout at ) when they are not doing their work properly

SCORING KEY TO EXPLORE YOUR PERSONALITY

C
1 4 8 12 22 24 TOT 2 5 10 14 16 17 TOT

E
3 7 15 25 26 30 TOT

A
6 9 13 23 27 29 TOT

B
11 18 19 20 21 28 TOT

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YOUR EGOGRAM

A 24 20 16 12 8 4

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INTRODUCTION TO TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS


Transactional Analysis (TA) is a way of looking at what goes on between people and inside people. TA is a way of understanding behavior. It is based on the belief that we can learn from studying more closely the way our decisions and communications are based on our thoughts and feelings Transaction Analysis became the method of examining the transaction wherein: I do something to you, and you do something back. The theory of TA has been pioneered by Eric Berne (1910-1970, Montreal, Canada). His best know works are Games People

Play ( 1964) , What do you say after you say Hello?


Bernes basic premises on which TA is based, is that every person Can change. People decide their own destiny in making early script decisions and these decisions can be changed Is responsible for his/ her own life Is born OK. This means that each of us has worth, value and dignity as a human being and deserves to be treated accordingly

EGO STATES
Inside each person there is a constant conversation / argument / discussion. When you make a decision to do something, what you do is very much influenced by what people say to themselves beforehand about the situation. Each ego state has specific characteristics and that determines how we interact with each other. Ego states are consistent patterns of feelings and experiences with corresponding behaviors Berne also says that each person being made up of three ego states:

Parent , Adult , Child


These terms have different definitions than normal.

Parent
This is our ingrained voice of authority, absorbed conditioning, learning and attitudes from when we were young. We were conditioned by our real parents, teachers, older people, next door neighbours, aunts and uncles. Our Parent is made up of a huge number of hidden and overt recorded playbacks. Typically embodied by phrases and attitudes starting with how to, under no circumstances, always and never forget, dont lie, cheat, steal, etc, etc. Our parent is formed by external events and influences upon us as we grow through early childhood. We can change it, but this is easier said than done.

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The parent ego has two sides :

The controlling, disciplining, restricting. This is the critical part that instinctively reacts The helpful, caring, loving, This is the supporting and nurturing part

Child
Our internal reaction and feelings to external events form the Child. This is the seeing, hearing, feeling, and emotional body of data within each of us. When anger or despair dominates reason, the Child is in control. Like our Parent we can change it, but it is no easier. The child ego has the facets of The Natural child primitive, impulsive, instinctive, undisciplined and demanding The Adapted child this carries the influence of a persons upbringing which does as it is told and give rise to guilt, rebellion, obedience, compromises

Adult
Our Adult is our ability to think and determine action for ourselves, based on received data. The adult in us begins to form at around ten months old, and is the means by which we keep our Parent and Child under control. If we are to change our Parent or Child we must do so through our adult. The adult is the mature, deliberating part of personality. Your actions and words are sensible and well considered, as opposed to the automatic reactions of the parent ego. The adult collects information, evaluates it, works out probabilities, tackles and solves problems, all in a logical, calm, collected way. You concentrate on fact, not feelings and prejudices

In other words:
P is our Taught concept of life A is our Thought concept of life C is our Felt concept of life When we communicate we are doing so from one of our own alter ego states, our Parent, Adult or Child. Our feelings at the time determine which one we use, and at any time something can trigger a shift from one state to another. When we respond, we are also doing this from one of the three states, and it is in the analysis of these stimuli and responses that the essence of Transactional Analysis lies

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Typical words bad, should, CP disgraceful, must always, I say so

Tone critical, condescending, disgusted, angry loving, comforting, good, nice, splendid, concerned, NP tender sympathetic A correct, how, what, practical wow, fun, want , great, ouch

Non-verbal pointing fingers, frown, anger open arms, smiling

Attitude judgemental, authoritarian caring, giving, understanding erect, factual, confident curious, funloving

Outcome irritating, know it all, can alienate people comforting

NC

thoughtful, alert, even, calm, enquiry open, level eye contact uninhibited, free loud energetic spontaneous, changeable pouting, sad, innocent

take charge of life

uncontrolled

AC

can't wish, try, hope, whining, defiant, please placating

demanding, compliance, compliant, ashamed procrastination, rebel

Parent
Physical - angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronising gestures, Verbal - always, never, for once and for all, judgmental words, critical words, patronising language, posturing language. N.B. beware of cultural differences in body-language or emphases that appear 'Parental'.

Child
Physical - emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behind hand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling. Verbal - baby talk, I wish, I dunno, I want, Im gonna, I dont care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, bigger, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.

Adult
Physical - attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and nonthreatened. Verbal - why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, comparative expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realise, I see, I believe, in my opinion.

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Strokes & Transactions


TA suggests that all interactions are made up of strokes and transactions, which we aim from one ego state to another. A TRANSACTION is an exchange of two strokes between two people. The first stroke is called the stimulus, the second is called the response. Transactions refer to the communication exchanges between people. Complementary Transactions: You get the expected response, thus the lines of communication are open. In this transaction, only two ego states are involved, communication continues when the transactions are complementary Eg: Man to wife: Have you seen my tie? W- It is in the cupboard Two Course participants: CP1- It will be interesting to see what this course is about CP2 - Yes, I have heard that you learn new things about yourself

Crossed Transactions: If a crossed transaction occurs, there is an ineffective communication. Worse still either or both parties will be upset. In order for the relationship to continue smoothly the agent or the respondent must rescue the situation with a complementary transaction.
In serious break-downs, there is no chance of immediately resuming a discussion about the original subject matter. Attention is focused on the relationship. The discussion can only continue constructively when and if the relationship is mended. Eg Man to wife: Have you seen my tie? W Do I have to remember everything for you? Two Course participants: CP1- It will be interesting to see what this course is about CP2 I think it is completely ludicrous. As if they can teach me anything about relating to customers Ulterior Transactions: These occur when there is a social (acceptable) & ulterior (hidden) transaction. The real meaning of the communication will be at the ulterior level and the meaning would be communicated in a non-verbal manner Eg, Spoken: Manger to subordinate who is late : What is the time (Hidden message: You are late) Spoken reply : Its five minutes to four (Hidden reply: I dont care)

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Effective Communication occurs when communication is from


A to A for problem solving, exchanging data & information, determining possibilities NC to NC for intimacy, sharing feelings, sensitivity NC to NP for eliciting assistance, understanding, comfort NP to NC for providing direction, caring ,firmness, understanding NP to NP for deciding how to nurture another person

How to maintain Adult communication


1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Ask Open questions Ask specific questions Show understanding of to her feelings Listen attentively Admit it openly if you are mistaken Leave open the change of other course of actions Check the facts Use the nurturing parent ego Combine the three egos

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THE SITARA EDGE


S SENSING
Give Personal Recognition Acknowledge Others/Customers Feelings Express Empathy Listen Actively and with an Open Mind

INQUIRING

Ask Open-ended Questions Ask Specific Close-ended Questions Reconfirm Data/Facts Clarify Others / Customer's doubts Clarify own doubts

TRANSPARENT

Answer Honestly Create an Open & Safe Environment Genuinely Feel the Need to Help Others / Customer Do Not Mislead Others / Customer Own Up to Mistakes Made by self / company

ASSERTIVE

Reassure the Other Person / Customer Show Enthusiasm Display Courage of own Convictions Do Not Argue with the Other / Customer Genuinely Want the Other / Customer to Succeed

RESPONSIBLE

Remain Focused on the issue/s at hand Remain Calm and Positive Do Not Make Excuses, Offer Solutions Take Responsibility for Actions to be taken; Reinforce the Core Values you believe in.

ARTICULATE

Guide the Decision, rather than demand compliance Tell the Other / Customer WHAT you can do, instead of what you cannot do. Explain with Detail, so that understanding is complete and mutual Tie loose ends together, so that all issues addressed are identified for action. Check for understanding, so that the path ahead can be agreed upon.

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WRITTEN COMMUNICATION
The Power Of Words

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The 5 Cs of Written Communication:


1. Clarity
a. b. c. d. e. f. g. Plan & Organise the data Follow logical arrangement of connected thoughts Use transition words, phrases, sentences and paragraphs Use subject headings and sub-headings Pay careful attention to layout, spacing, indentation and visuals. Use simple language; words should be adapted to the reader. Technical and special terms should be used only for technical readers

2. Completeness

3. Conciseness

a. Comprehensive treatment for clear persuasive writing b. All points and explanations should be sufficiently detailed so no misconceptions follow c. Consider whether the reader is informed or uninformed a. Use as few words as possible b. Remove insignificant facts / unnecessary points c. Use definite than abstract words, e.g. use 60% instead of more than half d. Use of active voice uses less words a. Be consistent in form and style b. Form includes margins, indentation, degree of subject headings, listing, tables, numbering of pages, abbreviations, capitals, charts ( Chart A is always referred to as Chart A not as a or 1 ) c. Each section must be consistent with other parts of the document d. Avoid contradictions a. Careful selection of words, conform to rules of grammar, spellings and punctuation.

4. Consistency

5. Correctness

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The First C : CLARITY OF COMMUNICATION


Exercise on writing process: Choose and rearrange ideas

Please send a letter to that effect to the Client. I should be able to complete work on our annual report within a week of returning. I will be in London by Wednesday at noon GMT. Everything is quite in order for the next project to commence as scheduled. Let me know if thats okay. The Board of Directors have made it clear they dont want to debate any more on that subject.

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The Second C : COMPLETENESS:


Questions to help to deal with content completeness and other concerns while designing a document or a presentation. Purpose o What are the purposes of this document (or oral presentation)? o What main points do we want to make? o How will the audience react to the purpose and points? Audience o Who is the intended audience? Why is this the appropriate audience? o What will a reader expect to read ( learn to do)? o What problems, conflicts, inconsistencies or gaps might the reader see? Occasion o What external factors may impinge on preparing this document or oral presentation? o What genre is appropriate for the occasion? o What will be resolved by this document or oral presentation? Message o What critical information needs to be included in this document? o What else should we consider including or excluding? o What sources will be used? Convention of Organization o How can we organize the content to achieve our purpose? o What evidence can we use to support the purpose and appeal to the audience? o What examples (anecdotal, statistical, visual) should we use? Conventions of Document Design o How can design features be used to convey our main points? o What design will the audience expect? What will the respond to? o How can we balance verbal and visual information?

EXERCISE : Write a memo to your boss asking for more funds / resources to
implement a new initiative already budgeted and approved earlier.
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The Third C : CONCISENESS :


Economical writing Read the following paragraph : Parking in the leased lot adjoining the building shall be restricted by space allocation designation for the new Joint Venture company vehicles and the five covered slots will be reserved for Grade M10 managers ; so beginning next month, employees with non-company cars should make other arrangements for parking their vehicles and consider utilizing the company staff-bus service. EXERCISE : Revise to make the above paragraph clear, forceful while economizing on
words:

WORD COUNT : Original : _______ Revised : _______ Difference : ______

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WORD ECONOMY
Read the expressions below, reduce redundancy and rewrite them.

S. No
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

Expressions We Use
Absolutely complete Basic fundamentals Refer back Actual truth End result Final outcome Midway between Close proximity Provide with the information Cooperate together Completely full Take under consideration Other alternative Past experience True facts Mutually agree Completely finished Recurring Habit Future Plans

Rewrite redundancies

without

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WORDS TO WATCH OUT FOR


Above mentioned According to our records Advise Affords an opportunity And oblige Anticipating your reply As advised in our previous letter As per Assuring you of our best / prompt attention At all times At the earliest possible moment At the present time At your earliest convenience Awaiting your esteemed instructions Be in a position to Early attention will appreciated Enclosed herewith be greatly

SUBSTITUTE WITH

I am in receipt of your letter In the event that

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WORDS TO WATCH OUT FOR


In the meantime In accordance with your request In the near future In view of the fact It should be noted that It will be appreciated if Kindly favour us with your kind reply With reference to your letter We acknowledge with thanks your letter of We are not in a position to Will you be kind enough to With reference to Your goodself Your valued instructions

SUBSTITUTE WITH

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The Fourth C : CONSISTENCY Through Effective Design


Consistent Balance
Use of margins, typeface, type size, spacing Space devoted to text, artwork and white space Simplicity, design-element clutter Headings, sub-headings, layout, typos

Restraint Detail

Headings & Sub-Headings


1st level - Usually All Caps, bold 2nd level - Title case, bold , underlined 2 spaces above them & 1 space below rd level - Title case, normal font, underlined 3 2 spaces above them & 2 space below th level - Indented, mixed case, normal font 4

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The Fifth C : CORRECTNESS


OBSOLETE WORDS
in due course permit me to say that we are in receipt of pursuant to in closing I'd like to say the undersigned kindly advise we wish to inform you attached please find it has come to my attention our Mr. Raman please be advised that (just say it) (omit)

UP-TO-DATE WORDS
today, tomorrow (or a specific time)

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POMPOUS VERSUS CONVERSATIONAL LANGUAGE


accompany accordingly aforementioned appeared to be attributable compensate considerate facilitate foregoing furthermore in as much as indicate in order to in the event that numerous possessed prior to provided that purchase a number of stated terminate utilize visualize few, several, many also, in addition these, the

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WEAK OR FILLER WORDS


List weak words which, people you know, and perhaps you too, tend to use unnecessarily. They weaken the sentence because they add nothing but to the length.

S. No 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Verbal
e.g. Basically

Written
However

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LEARN TO DIFFERENTIATE
Affect All right All together All ready Among To influence ( Two words ) Completely correct or acceptable Assembled into one group (Two words) Everything is in order Used with three or more persons or things Used with reference to money or things that cant be counted Used if any is important and is to be emphasized Strictly speaking, the difference between debits and credits To complete, is fitting, or add a finishing touch Continuing, but stopand-go activity Capable of being true or believable Effect Alright Altogether Already Between To cause or bring about Colloquialism not generally accepted today Completely or entirely Previously or prior to a specified time Used to differentiate between two people or things Refers to items that can be counted; a specific amount Used to refer to a specific person , place or thing Something left over in any situation To flatter or offer words of praise Constant activity with no letup Performance worthy of credit or special mention When three or more persons are involved Expected to happen soon To receive what may be offered or to assent To indicate extent or degree To hint or suggest

Amount Anyone Balance Complement Continual Credible Each Other Eminent Except Farther Infer

Number Any one Remainder Compliment Continuous Creditable

When only two persons One another are involved Famous or noteworthy Imminent To exclude from group or single out a Accept

Referring to specific Further distance Objectively draw a Imply conclusion

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THE WINNING EDGE Latest Less Lie Party Practical Precede Principal Raise Refers to the last condition that is still in effect Mainly refers to things which are hard to count Usually, to rest and does not take an object Group of people Useful or pragmatic To go before Last Fewer Lay Person Practicable Proceed Refers to final things after all others Generally refers to people or things that can be counted To put or place and usually takes an object Refers to an individual What has been proposed but has not yet been tested To go ahead or move forward Rule or underlying tenet. Takes on the more subjunctive sense of to go up or come up Paper used for writing Adjective meaning truly, actual or fundamental ( use with nouns ) Conjunction indicating an exception to the stated condition

Main or primary Principle participant To lift or cause Rise something to move up Situated in one place Stationery or without movement Adverb meaning to a Real high degree Preposition used to Unless indicate the absence of something or someone

Stationary Very

Without

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ANSWERS : OBSOLETE WORDS


in due course permit me to say that we are in receipt of pursuant to in closing I'd like to say the undersigned kindly advise we wish to inform you attached please find it has come to my attention our Mr. Raman please be advised that

UP-TO-DATE WORDS
today, tomorrow (or a specific time) (permission in not necessary, just say what you wish) we have received (omit) (omit) I; me please let us know (just say it) enclosed is I have just learned : Ms Gandhi just told me Mr. Raman, our branch manager (omit)

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ANSWERS : POMPOUS VERSUS CONVERSATIONAL LANGUAGE


accompany accordingly aforementioned appeared to be attributable compensate considerate facilitate foregoing furthermore in as much as indicate in order to in the event that numerous possessed prior to provided that purchase a number of stated terminate utilize visualize go with so these, the seemed due pay large help this, these also, in addition because show to if many had before if buy a few, several, many said end use see

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ANSWERS : WORDS TO WATCH OUT FOR


Above mentioned According to our records Advise Affords an opportunity And oblige Anticipating your reply As advised in our previous letter As per Assuring you of our best / prompt attention At all times At the earliest possible moment At the present time At your earliest convenience Awaiting your esteemed instructions Be in a position to Early attention will be greatly appreciated Enclosed herewith I am in receipt of your letter In the event that In the meantime In accordance with your request In the near future In view of the fact It should be noted that It will be appreciated if Kindly favour us with your kind reply With reference to your letter We acknowledge with thanks your letter of We are not in a position to Will you be kind enough to With reference to Your goodself Your valued instructions

SUBSTITUTE WITH
Referred to above We find Inform Allows ( Omit ) We look forward to your reply As we have written on our letter of According to ( Avoid, as the reader knows nothing is meant by this ) Always As soon as possible (or give a deadline) Now Please reply as soon as possible We wait for your reply Can Please act promptly in this matter (Omit herewith) Thank you for your letter dated If Meanwhile As requested by you Soon, immediately (or give a deadline) As ( Omit ) ( Omit or just say Please ) Please reply Your letter dated We thank you for your letter of We cannot Please Concerning, about You Drop the word valued

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Fundamentals Of The English Language Outline: 1.1 Style 1.2 Vocabulary 1.3 Grammar 1.4 Spelling 1.5 Punctuation 1.6 Layout Learning Objectives: After studying this chapter you will: Get to know appropriate styles of writing Learn to choose appropriate words Understand the basics of grammar Learn how not to misspell Learn about punctuation Understand the importance of formatting You want your writing to work: whether its a memo, an e-mail, a letter, or a report. You want the Reader of your message to: Understand your message and To act upon that message From that perspective: style, vocabulary, grammar, spelling, punctuation and layout may seem unimportant. However communication connects humans. And your writing can have a significant influence on your reader. 1.1 Style In most business settings, you should use an informal style. Use vocabulary that you would use if you were conversing with your reader. But you should pay more attention to sentence structure than when youre speaking with someone. Remember that our writing gets less effective when we try to impress the reader. That brings us, quite naturally, to the question of the Readers skill level. Make your writing comfortable to read but not boring or simplistic. If in doubt, select the lowest level you think your reader would understand and write at that level. Sure, your readers are more literate than that, but they may not totally focus on your words. It is always better to be as concrete as possible; abstractions tend to make writing less effective - particularly if youre writing to persuade. A good way to anchor your writing concretely is by providing examples. After explaining the details of a new insurance plan, for example, you might want to explain how it would affect the average worker, using typical figures to illustrate. Your writing will be more effective if you are as specific as is possible. You then reduce the possibility of ambiguity. Why use the word communication to refer to a memo? In most situations, its just more effective when we use specific words rather than general.

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Sometimes our choice of style makes our writing too specific. For example, that happens when we use businessman instead of business person. Another example is when we talk about finding the right man for the right job when the best man could very well be a woman! Choice of style should also be appropriate to the type of writing memo, e-mail, letter, report your purpose of clearly communicating with your reader. Another matter of style is rhythm. Vary the structure and length of your sentences. And never let your sentences seem endless - unless you are trying to lose your reader. The last aspect of style is punctuation. To some extent, that is a question of following the rules. Its also a question of making choices. Lets look at two examples of punctuation style. You can use a dash to break up a sentence for emphasis but only in an appropriate place. Not as we have used it now. You can enclose occasional words, phrase, and even clauses in parentheses. But if (for whatever reason), you do this often (perhaps every sentence), you will usually (although not always) annoy your readers (at least after a while). Some people use punctuation to make their personal presence to be reflected in their words. That is fine, as long as you dont overdo it. The very essence of choosing styles, is to make them appropriately and wisely, to write most effectively.

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1.2 Vocabulary The words we use when we write are a question of choice. But sometimes those choices may be simply wrong for the context. The following list covers a variety of words that people commonly misuse. This is just a general list; you should add any words that you tend to use incorrectly. accept, exceptaccept means to receive; except means to omit affect, effectaffect is a verb meaning to influence; effect is usually a noun, but it can also be a verb meaning to bring about all ready, alreadyall ready means that everyone is ready, already means previously among, betweenuse between with two persons or things, use among with more than two assure, ensure, insureassure means to give confidence, ensure means to make certain, insure means to indemnify or safeguard cite, site, sightcite means to mention, site is a location, sight is a sense complement, complimenta complement completes, a compliment is an expression of praise continual, continuouscontinual means repeated often, continuous means without interruption credible, creditablecredible means believable, creditable means deserving esteem eminent, imminenteminent means distinguished in a profession, imminent means threateningly near at hand fewer, lessuse fewer for countable objects and less for measurable quantities imply, inferwhen somebody puts something into the words to suggest, thats imply; when somebody gets something out of the words, to conclude, thats infer its, itsits is a contraction for it is, its is the possessive form of the pronoun it principle, principalprinciple means law or truth, principal means main (adjective) or leader (noun) there, their, theyrethere is an adverb indicating location, their is the possessive form of the pronoun they, theyre is a contraction for they are whose, whoswhose is a possessive form of the pronoun who, whos is a contraction of who is your, youreyour is the possessive form of the pronoun you, youre is the contraction for you are The list could go on. Keep the list handy. Add your personal favourites to it. You can tame those wild words and use them more properly to make your writing more effective.

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Here are some more words that many people use incorrectly: crisis. If youve got more than one, its crises. The same switch from is (singular) to es- (plural) applies to analysis/analyses, hypothesis/hypotheses, and parenthesis/parentheses. Its all Greek! criteria. This is the plural of criterion. Many people wrongly use it as if it were singular. Another noun that works this way is phenomenon (singular)/phenomena (plural). e.g. This abbreviation of the Latin exempli gratia means for the sake of example. Use it wherever you could use such as to cite examples. Example: Weve invested in other businesses, e.g., a grocery store, a golf course, and two boutiques. Dont confuse e.g. with i.e., the abbreviation of the Latin id est, which means that is. Use i.e. whenever you could use that is to say or I mean. Example: Put the appropriate information, i.e., from, date, and subject at the top of the memo.

The list could go on. The main point to keep in mind is that language is a tool. A person may use a spanner to hammer a nail. The wrong tool may work well enough. But people may misjudge and misunderstand. You can use the wrong words or use words incorrectly and still communicate well. But, you should never be content with just whatever works. Finally, a warning about using jargon. Jargon is defined as buzzwords used in a particular field or sphere of activity. Bankers will understand financial terminology. Software programmers will understand technical terms used in programming languages. But readers from other disciplines or fields may not appreciate the jargon. When you must use a specific technical term, make sure you define or explain it. 1.3 Grammar When many of us hear the word grammar we cringe and think about conjugating irregular verbs in front of the class. To others, grammar connotes those picky points we dont need to worry about. But the use of correct grammar can make or break you professionally. Colleagues and Customers expect you to use language correctly and not to make errors that educated people avoid. Many people in business recognise the importance of dressing for success. But there are many managers who dont realise that it can be even more important to write for success. Be as careful with your words as you might be in choosing your clothes. Think about where your words are going, they represent you. This section on Grammar is not exhaustive but selective. If you learn some key aspects, it will help you to improve your grammar and write more effectively.

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Adverbs and adjectives. We all know the difference between these two parts of speech. Yet, we do trip occasionally on linking verbssuch as appear, feel, look, seem, smell, sound, and taste. Maybe a few examples will help. He felt bad (not badly) about sending the memo. The project seemed good (not well). The linking-verb problem occurs most often with the verbs feel and look. Sometimes, it is correct to use the adverb well after these two verbsdepending on what you mean. She feels good today. (In other words, shes up.) She feels well today. (In other words, shes healthy.) Agreement Every verb must agree in number (singular or plural) with its subject. The same rule applies to possessive adjectives. That is the basic rule. Examples are: Each of the Executives wants his or her own office. The Corporation published its annual report. Reflexive, unnecessary. Theres a growing tendency to use reflexives as polite forms of the object pronouns. Its wrong, and it feels awkward. Consider the following uses: Incorrect: Im doing fine. And yourself? Correct: Im doing fine. And you? Incorrect: The authorities met with the managers and myself. Correct: The authorities met with the managers and me. It is correct to use the reflexive verb (myself, yourself, ourselves) when referring back to the subject. You gave yourself the day off? or to reinforce a subject pronoun, I would never do that myself! That vs. which. This issue confuses a lot of writers! It is really not all that complicated - if you know the difference between necessary and unnecessary. We insert clauses in a sentence to provide information. Sometimes the information is necessary for a proper understanding of what precedes the clause. Sometimes it is just additional information, nice but not necessary. To attach informational clauses to the rest of the sentence we use that or which. Use that when the information is necessary to identify or specify. Use which when the information just tells us more.

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Example The project that we started in December will be completed on time. (Restrictive clause) The Software project, which we started in December, will be completed on time may be costly. (Descriptive clause) The that clause is called a restrictive clause, because it limits ambiguity: the project that we started in December. The which clause is called descriptive clause, because it describes: the Software project which we started in December. Now lets complicate it a little. Suppose we have more than one project. Then the information in our clause becomes descriptive rather than restrictive so wed put, The Software project that we started in December will be completed on time. (Descriptive rather than restrictive) Its really simple, once you understand the difference between restrictive and descriptive. Verbs. English is confusing when it comes to verbs. Many people learn all about verb tenses in school, and then forget the rules. Most regular verbs form their past tense and past participle by adding d or ed. Examples: I worked and I have worked or we hoped and We would have hoped. Several verbs dont follow this pattern. We have to remember these verbs and what happens with them. Remember the following verbs. (Its not a complete list! Keep it handy.) Verb be begin bring choose go have run speak write Past Tense was, were began brought chose went had ran spoke wrote Past Participle been begun brought chosen gone had run spoken written

Does it really matter? Probably and maybe a lot. Suppose you send out a letter in which you write, Ive spoke to Asha, so she brung her secretary, or the session could have ran for hours. The Reader of your letter understands you, of course, but your misuse of verbs is likely to make a bad impression. It suggests that you lack education and your communication skills are poor. That judgement is probably unfair, but its a natural reaction in many circles. So take care of your verbs! Who vs. whom. Use whom when the word serves as an object and who when it serves as a subject.

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Most people have little or no trouble using who as the subject correctly, at least in most instances. But the use of whom causes a lot of problems. For example, which sentence in each of the following pairs is correct? I. Whom do you think will be promoted? II. Who do you think will be promoted? III. Whom did you expect to attend the meeting? IV. Who did you expect to attend the meeting? The correct examples are the second and the third. Casual use allows us to say such things as Who were you talking about? at least in conversation. Be careful when you write, especially in more formal situations. Then it would be safest to use the correct for, About whom were you talking? (Notice how we avoided ending the sentence with a preposition?) You and I Many people confuse the use of I and me, particularly in certain set expressions generally after and / or. How many times have you heard someone say, Between you and I People also say such things, as Its easy for you or I. In both cases we should use me because between and for are prepositions. Bottom line. A final word about grammar. Dont trust the computer to check your writing. Sure, run the grammar check, if youve got one. It cant hurtunless you trust it to catch every mistake and not to flag correct usage as incorrect. If youre weak in grammar, find someone who can check the things you write maybe a colleague. 1.4 Spelling Were not going to overload you with lists of words that are often misspelt. The best way to improve your spelling is by reading prolifically. Were going to urge you To use the spell check function in your word processing program but not rely on it. Keep a dictionary on or around your desk. Proofread your work. Ask others to check all important letters and reports. Finally, keep a list of all the words you tend to misspell. That should help you pay particular attention to your favourite mistakes. 1.5 Punctuation Apostrophe. () The apostrophe usually marks omissions in contractions. The apostrophe in its means its a contraction, such as we used in this sentence. It is also used to show possession with one very important and confusing exception. We dont use an apostrophe with the pronoun it to show possession, as in the book and its readers.

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Colon. (:) Use a colon after an independent clause to introduce a list, an example or an explanation. Example: We did not open an account with XYZ Bank for two reasons: they dont offer efficient service and their advertising is misleading. You could also use colons after the salutation of a business letter. Comma. (,) Most business writers get carried away and add commas very often, as if at random. Use commas to indicate short pauses. The best way to tell if you need a comma is to read a sentence aloud to see if you pause. Just dont break up natural unit such as a simple subject-verb unit (incorrect: The employee, resigned) or an article-noun unit (incorrect: The, manager sent a memo). Dash. (-) Use a dash much like a comma - to pause or to set off a thought that is loosely connected to the sentence. As we advised above, under Style, dont overuse dashes. Ellipses. () Remember those three dots that mean and so on or whatever? Example: Please bring to the meeting any pertinent memos, letters, reports Ellipses can be effective, but they tend to soften your words, to make them seem uncertain, tentative, and indecisive Use them sparingly. Exclamation point. (!) They show strong emotionunless you overuse them. Like this!!! Then they are funny or just annoying! Hyphen. (-) These marks join two or more words that express a single concept when these precede a noun, such as on-the-job training but not otherwise, as in training on the job. Parentheses. ( ) These marks are used to enclose material that is more loosely connected to the sentence. Parentheses tend to minimise the importance of the set-off element. You may enclose one or more complete sentences within parentheses. (If you do so, make sure to put the end punctuation inside the closing parenthesislike this.)

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Quotation marks. There are two types of Quotation marks single and double. Single quotes () are used when you want to attract the attention of the reader. (Is that person a true friend?). Double Quotes () are used when the writer wants to use the words of another speaker/writer. (He told me, Youll get a bonus, and I am excited. Use quotation marks to enclose titles of short works, like articles or speeches, or to enclose words taken from special vocabularies or used in a special sense. Use quotation marks to enclose quotes short enough to work into your text. Whats short enough? (One guideline is three lines or fewer.) If you quote a longer passage, its generally more effective to set it off as a separate block of text, indented on both sides, usually without quotation marks. The rules about using punctuation with quotation marks are complicated: Commas and periods go inside closing quotation marks. Example: The shipment will arrive, she said. Dont worry. Semicolons and colons go outside closing quotation marks. Example: He told me, Youll get a bonus; consequently, Im celebrating. Question marks and exclamation points go inside the closing quotation marks only when they are part of the matter being quoted. Example: She asked, What do you know about that memo? I couldnt believe she was asking about that memo! Semicolons. (;) Use a semicolon to separate two independent clauses (groups of words that could function as a sentence) that are not joined by a coordinating conjunction like and or but. Example: Be careful to turn off the printer; dont try to change the toner cartridge while the machine is still on. A semicolon signals a shorter stop than a period. Use semicolons sparingly in business writing. Whenever possible turn a semicolon into a period (just a slightly longer stop) and make two sentences. Example: Be careful to turn off the printer. Dont try to change the toner cartridge while the machine is still on. Bottom line. Punctuation marks separate and connect our words. They tell readers how the words interrelate. If youre are familiar with the basic rules, you can use punctuation stylistically, as we discussed above under Style. But make sure you know what you are doing.

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1.6 Layout We will now make a few recommendations for typography. Word processing and desktop publishing programs have made it relatively easy to embellish our words with dozens of features. The only thing that these programs dont provide is good taste. We cant provide taste in this courseware, either. But we offer the following layout suggestions: Use a font size thats easy to read without being annoying. Depending on your font type, an appropriate size would be 10, 11, or 12 points. We often use 12.5 for written/print texts. Use serif type (S) for body copy and sans serif (S) for type for headlines. Research shows that all those serifsthe small finish strokes on each letter make bodies of text easier to read. Courier and Times are serif types. Arial and Futura are sans serif types. Use italics sparingly. It takes us 20% longer to read italic type than to read regular type. That also means that it takes more effort from the reader, so if you use italics extensively, youre likely to lose some and annoy others. Use boldface sparingly. Bold is easier to read than italics, but it can quickly become overwhelming if abused. Avoid using ALL CAPS, except for occasional emphasis and in report titles and main headings. Its a violation of established etiquette to use them in e-mail messages, WHERE ALL CAPS ARE THE EQUIVALENT OF SHOUTING AT YOUR READERS. Avoid underlining, except for occasional emphasis. Word processing programs have made it so easy to use italics and bold that we can leave underling behind. Use heads and subheads to show your organisation. Make them informative and interesting. You dont need to know a lot about layout and typography to write more effectively. If you apply just these basic guidelines, you can make your texts easier to read and more interesting - without the risk of offending your readers.

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Tips for Mastering E-mail Extravagance


In the crazy competitive corporate world we live in today, everyone wants a piece of you. So they send you e-mail. It makes you feel important. Don't you love it? Really? Over 100 real e-mails come in each day. At three minutes apiece, it will take five hours just to read and respond. Let's not even think about the messages that take six minutes of work to deal with. For whatever reason, everyone feels compelled to keep you "in the loop." The problem is that readers now bear the burden. Before e-mail, senders shouldered the burden of mail. Writing, stamping, and mailing a letter was a lot of work. Plus, each new addressee meant more postage, so we thought hard about whom to send things to. E-mail bludgeoned that system in no time. With free sending to an infinite number of people now a reality, every little thought and impulse becomes instant communication. Our most pathetic meanderings become deep thoughts that we happily blast to six dozen colleagues who surely can't wait. On the receiving end, we collect these gems of wisdom from the dozens around us. The result: Inbox overload. Taming e-mail means training the senders to put the burden of quality back on themselves. Heres how YOU can send better e-mail What's the best way to train everyone around you to better e-mail habits? You guessed it: You go first. First, you say, "In order for me to make you more productive, I'm going to adopt this new policy to lighten your load" Demonstrate a policy for a month, and if people like it, ask them to start doing it too.

Use a subject line to summarize, not describe.

People scan their inbox by subject. Make your subject rich enough that your readers can decide whether it's relevant. The best way to do this is to summarize your message in your subject. BAD SUBJECT: GOOD SUBJECT:

Subject: Deadline discussion Subject: Recommend we ship product April 25th

Give your reader full context at the start of your message.

Too many messages forwarded to you start with an answer"Yes! I agree. Apples are definitely the answer"without offering context. We must read seven included messages, notice that we were copied, and try to figure out what apples are the answer to. Even worse, we don't really know if we should care. Oops! We just noticed there are ten messages about apples. One of the others says "Apples are definitely not the answer." And another says, "Didn't you get my message about apples?" But which message was sent first? And which was in response to which? ARGH! It's very, very difficult to get to the core of the issue.

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You're probably sending e-mail because you're deep in thought about something. Your reader is too, only they're deep in thought about something else. Even worse, in a multi-person conversation, messages and replies may arrive out of order. And no, it doesn't help to include the entire past conversation when you reply; it's rude to force someone else to wade through ten screens of messages because you're too lazy to give them context. So, start off your messages with enough context to orient your reader. BAD E-MAIL: To: Bharat Desai From: Rohan Garware Subject: Re: Re: Re: Please bring contributions to the charity drive Yes, apples are definitely the answer. GOOD E-MAIL: To: Bharat Desai From: Rohan Garware Subject: Re: Re: Re: Please bring contributions to the charity drive. You asked if we want apple pie. Yes, apples are definitely the answer.

When you copy lots of people (a heinous practice that should be used sparingly), mark out why each person should care.

Just because you send a message to six poor coworkers doesn't mean all six know what to do when they get it. Ask yourself why you're sending to each recipient, and let them know at the start of the message what they should do with it. Big surprise, this also forces you to consider why you're including each person. BAD CC:
To: Anita Patel, Smita Bakshi, Manish Khanna Subject: Web site design draft is done The Web site draft is done. Check it out in the attached file. The design firm will need our responses by the end of the week.

GOOD CC:
To: Anita Patel, Smita Bakshi, Manish Khanna Subject: Web site design draft is done AP: DECISION NEEDED. Get marketing to approve the draft SB: PLEASE VERIFY. Does the slogan capture our branding? MK: FYI, if we need a redesign, your project will slip. The Web site draft is done. Check it out in the attached file. The design firm will need our responses by the end of the week.

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Use separate messages rather than bcc (blind carbon copy).

If you bcc someone "just to be safe," think again. Ask yourself what you want the "copied" person to know, and send a separate message if needed.Yes, it's more work for you, but if we all do it, it's less overload. BAD BCC: To: Manish Bcc: Anil Please attend the conference today at 2:00 p.m. GOOD BCC: To: Manish Please attend the conference today at 2:00 p.m. To: Anil Please reserve the conference room for me and Manish today at 2:00 p.m.

Make action requests clear.

If you want things to get done, say so. Clearly. There's nothing more frustrating as a reader than getting copied on an e-mail and finding out three weeks later that someone expected you to pick up the project and run with it. Summarize action items at the end of a message so everyone can read them at one glance.

Separate topics into separate e-mails up to a point.

If someone sends a message addressing a dozen topics, some of which you can respond to now and some of which you can't, send a dozen responsesone for each topic. That way, each thread can proceed unencumbered by the others. Do this when mixing controversy with mundania. That way, the mundane topics can be taken care of quietly, while the flame wars can happen separately. BAD MIXING OF ITEMS: We need to gather all the articles by February 1st. GOOD MIXING OF ITEMS: Message #1: We need to gather all the articles by February 1st.

Speaking of which, I was thinking Message #2: Satishs missed a lot of deadlines do you think we should fire Satish ? recently. Do you think termination is in order?

Combine separate points into one message.

Sometimes the problem is the oppositesending 500 tiny messages a day will overload someone, even if the intent is to reduce this by creating separate threads. If you are holding a dozen open conversations with one person, the slowness of typing is probably substantial overhead. Jot down all your main points on a piece of (gasp) paper, pick up the phone, and call the person to discuss those points. I guarantee you'll save a ton of time.

Edit forwarded messages.

For goodness sake, if someone sends you a message, don't forward it along without editing it. Make it appropriate for the ultimate recipient and make sure it doesn't get the original sender in trouble.

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BAD FORWARDING: To: Bharat Smitas idea, described below, is great. --From: Smita Hey, Altaf: Lets take the new design and add sparkles around the border. Bharat probably wont mind; his design sense is so garish hell approve anything.

GOOD FORWARDING: To: Bharat Smitas idea, described below, is great. --From: Sue Hey, Altaf: Lets take the new design and add sparkles around the border

When scheduling a call or conference, include the topic in the invitation. It helps people prioritize and manage their calendar more effectively. GOOD E-MAIL: Subject: Conference call Wednesday at 3:00 p.m. to review demo presentation.

BAD E-MAIL: Subject: Conference call Wednesday at 3:00 p.m.

Make your e-mail one page or less.

Make sure the meat of your e-mail is visible in the preview pane of your recipient's mailer. That means the first two paragraphs should have the meat. Many people never read past the first screen, and very few read past the third.

Understand how people prefer to be reached, and how quickly they respond.

Some people are so buried under e-mail that they can't reply quickly. If something is important, use the phone or make a follow-up phone call. Do it politely; a delay may not be personal. It might be that someone's overloaded. If you have timesensitive information, don't assume people have read the e-mail you sent three hours ago rescheduling the meeting that takes place in five minutes. Pick up the phone and call.

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How to read and receive e-mail


Setting a good example only goes so far. You also have to train others explicitly. Explain to them that you're putting some systems in place to help you manage your e-mail overload. Ask for their help, and know that they're secretly envying your strength of character.

Check e-mail at defined times each day.

We hate telemarketers during dinner, so why do we tolerate e-mail when we're trying to get something useful done? Turn off your e-mail "autocheck" and only check e-mail two or three times a day, by hand. Let people know that if they need to reach you instantly, e-mail isn't the way. When it's e-mail processing time, however, shut the office door, turn off the phone, and blast through the messages.

Use a paper "response list" to triage messages before you do any followup.

The solution to e-mail overload is pencil and paper? Who knew? Grab a legal pad and label it "Response list." Run through your incoming e-mails. For each, note on the paper what you have to do or whom you have to call. Resist the temptation to respond immediately. If there's important reference information in the e-mail, drag it to your Reference folder. Otherwise, delete it. Zip down your entire list of emails to generate your response list. Then, zip down your response list and actually do the follow-up.

Charge people for sending you messages.

One CEO I've worked with charges staff members five dollars from their budget for each e-mail she receives. Amazingly, her overload has gone down, the relevance of e-mails has gone up, and the senders are happy, too, because the added thought often results in them solving more problems on their own.

Train people to be relevant.

If you are constantly copied on things, begin replying to e-mails that aren't relevant with the single word: "Relevant?" Of course, you explain that this is a favor to them. Now, they can learn what is and isn't relevant to you. Beforehand, tell them the goal is to calibrate relevance, not to criticize or put them down and encourage them to send you relevancy challenges as well. Pretty soon, you'll be so well trained you'll be positively productive!

Answer briefly.

When someone sends you a ten page missive, reply with three words. "Yup, great idea." You'll quickly train people not to expect huge answers from you, and you can then proceed to answer at your leisure in whatever format works best for you. If your e-mail volume starts getting very high, you'll have no choice.

Send out delayed responses.

Type your response directly, but schedule it to be sent out in a few days. This works great for conversations that are nice but not terribly urgent. By inserting a delay in each go-around, you both get to breath easier.

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(In Outlook, choose Options when composing a message and select Do not deliver before. In Eudora, hold down the Shift key as you click Send.)

Ignore it.

Yes, ignore e-mail. If something's important, you'll hear about it again. Trust me. And people will gradually be trained to pick up the phone or drop by if they have something to say. After all, if it's not important enough for them to tear their gaze away from the hypnotic world of Microsoft Windows, it's certainly not important enough for you to take the time to read.

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