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to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says : "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouted : "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff, and he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted : "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff, and he was also gone. The boss calmly said : "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm ." Moral of the story : ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____ LESSON 2 Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen." said the CEO. "This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work ?" "Certainly." said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy." Moral of the story : NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING.
Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling'. No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked 'What you sell?' One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arse-holes.' Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'Ah Sooo You doing velly well, only two left'. Suddenly one of the employees in an organization took 10 days Leave Without any notice. When he returned his PL asked for explanation. The employee said "Sir, my mom died unexpectedly" . The PL let it go at That. After 3 months the same pattern repeated, and this time the said his Father died. Then the PL got changed. After 3 months the same pattern Repeated. And the employee gave the explanation that his mom died. After 3 months same thing again... And this time his father died. This Happened repeatedly for 2 years. At the end, one PL checked his past Records and told him, "I have caught you red handed, How come in the Past 2 years, your mom has died 5 times, and your dad has died five Times?" NOW GUESS THE ANSWER... V V V V V
V V V V V V V V To which the guy said. 6. We must polish the Polish furniture. Then my father died and my new mom remarried.. The bandage was wound around the wound. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. The farm was used to produce produce.. 4. 2. 1. He could lead if he would get the lead out. he thought it was time to present the present. my mom died and my father remarried. 5." English Ain't Easy So. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. This has been going on and on and on and. you think English is easy. Then my mom died and the new Father remarried. "Sir. 3. . Since there is no time like the present. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. huh? Read to the end and see if you still think so. 8. 7.
they got along very well. we have carport. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. 11. the farmer taught his sow to sow. No. When shot at. The buck does funny things when the does are present. Does either of you have a real grudge? No. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 10. 18. 17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. Although his English was far from perfect. 14. To help with planting. 16. and not need one.9. I don't think you understand. They were too close to the door to close it. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. I did not object to the object. and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes. 13. 19. . an acre and half and nice little home. I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete. 15. the dove dove into the bushes. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Polish Divorce A polish man moved to the USA and married an American Girl. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 12. 20.
What makes you think that? I got proof. Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me. and it say: ~~~Polish Remover~~~ A blonde guy comes home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom...I mean what are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland. "I'm having a heart attack" cries the woman. I always up before her. cowering in the closet. Is your wife a nagger? No. totally n*ked. Sure enough. . sweating and panting.. I can read. He rushes downstairs and grabs phone and just as he is dialing 911 his 4 year old son comes up and says. and rips open the closet door. Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.. there is his brother. Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on". "What happened" he says. Does your wife beat you up? No. she white... The guy slams down the phone and storms upstairs into the bedroom past his screaming wife. He rushes upstairs to find his wife n*ked on the bed. What kind of proof? She going to poison me. "Daddy! Daddy!.
I would like it "infrequently"."You Idiot" shouts the husband. . Judy finally died.. somewhat tentatively. . "Lord. they decided to get married at the end.. ??? 'How do you feel about sex my dear?' he asked. knew each other well & had been going out for a long time. . "I think he means her legs.. and she and Bob had 7 more children. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said. "Do you think he means her first. Judy again remarried. died of cancer. their likes & dislikes and so on and so forth. . "my wife's having a heart attack and your running around scaring the kids!!!!" Judy got married and had 13 children. the preacher prayed for her. the lady replied. both of them had lost their life partners. or third husband?" Margaret replied. Margaret. Her first husband. Before the wedding. they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work well ! They discussed finances and living arrangements." An elderly couple. the elderly gentleman thought it was the good time to bring the point of their physical relationship. Standing before her coffin. Bob was killed in a car accident. and this time.." Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend. they are finally together. after having 25 children. 12 years later. Inspired by their friends. . Finally. Ted. she and John had 5 more children. second. She married again.
too. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked. 'U said one word or two?' I urgently needed a few days off work.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off. I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.. then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight.. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. leaned towards her and whispered. then we made passionate love and I made her scream nonstop for five minutes.. discussing what they had done the previous evening. The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil. I can't work in the dark.And where do you think you're going?!' (You're going to love this." The Indian says: "That's nothing. I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off. then made love and I made her scream for two long hours. "Two hours. astonished." The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special aphrodisiac oil. I caressed her entire body with the butter. the Boss asked her. but. . '. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. phenomenal!" What did you do to make her scream for two hours?? Indian: I wiped my hands on the curtains.. adjusted his spectacles... 'You are clearly stressed out.' Indians are Indians An Italian.) She said.. asked. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me. He said." The Italian and Frenchman.. 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb... a Frenchman and an Indian were drinking at a bar. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with Amul butter. 'I'm going home.' I jumped down and walked out of the office.
so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.Pareshaan thi Pappu ki wife Non-happening thi jo uski life Pappu ko na milta tha aaram Office main karta kaam hi kaam Pappu ke boss bhi the bade cool Promotion ko har baar jate the bhul Par bhulte nahi the wo deadline Kaam to karwate the roz till nine Pappu bhi banna chata tha best Isliye to wo nahi karta tha rest Din raat karta wo boss ki gulami Appraisal ke ummid main deta salami Din guzre aur guzre fir saal Bura hota gaya Pappu ka haal Pappu ko ab kuch yaad na rehta tha Galti se Biwi ko Behenji kehta tha Aakhir ek din Pappu ko samjh aaya Aur chod di usne Appraisal ki moh maya Boss se bola. . "Tum kyon satate ho ?" "Appraisal ke laddu se buddu banate ho" "Promotion do warna chala jaunga" "Appraisal dene par bhi wapis na aunga" Boss haans ke bola "Nahi koi baat" "Abhi aur bhi Pappus hai mere paas " "Yeh duniya Pappuon se bhari hai" "Sabko bas aage badhne ki padi hai" "Tum na karoge to kisi aur se karaunga" "Tumhari tarah Ek aur Pappu banaunga" Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon.
"It is really none of my business.. 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school . no. Smith leaned closer.' Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom. Johnny asks." she said smiling. Linda.In the morning.' He asks. where Mrs. As he is going out of the door to go to school. gets up and has his breakfast. 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies. "Well. Smith pulled Mrs. She replies. 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?' She replies.. 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?' His mom says. "Haven't you noticed? She has started knitting tiny garments!" Mrs. 'Ok. Jones' lovely young daughter. Fred's little brother.' Mrs. I gave him Fevicol. Smith. he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. Johnny. "but have you noticed what your daughter is doing?" "Why." whispered Mrs. "at last she has taken an interest in .' After school.' Johnny says. now tell me what you think?' He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for some lubricating lotion or cold cream and I think. Jones out of earshot of the porch. sat. thank goodness. 'No. Is she up to anything special?" Mrs. Jones' troubled brow cleared. 'No'. Johnny comes home and asks again. 'No. 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school. 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies. 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies.
"I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one. "Three times a week she gets into a cab." Mrs." huffily answered a woman guest." "You'll let it out some day. Smith sat back with a proud smile.just to talk about me!µ An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language. He noted how hurricanes at one time were given only female names. "What gender is a computer?" The teacher wasn't certain. . "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice. "Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does." "That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me. and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she. she can keep it forever. and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. "No woman." "So what does she do?" asked the two women. goes to the best psychiatrist in the city. Nobody. several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach . turning to her." said Mrs." ======================================================== Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring.something besides running around with boys. Jones proudly. Davis with a sniff. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years." ======================================================== At a dinner party." One of the students raised his hand and asked. and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour . scornfully. "Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami . Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendations." "I don't know about that." declared Mrs. "can keep a secret." said one man. females in the other. in my own private guest house. So he divided the class into two groups: males in one." the man insisted. and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons. "Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week.
They are having such a good time that before he realizes it. We seldom see a high official around these parts. 3. As soon as you commit to one. but I have orders from higher up. you have to turn them on. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down. 3. it is time to go. down. you see.' says the MP. Peter. but half the time they are the problem. who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. just let me in. you realize that if you had waited a little longer. 'I'm sorry. shake his hand. on the other hand. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 4. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to as masculine because: 1. and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.' says St.' says the man. caviar and champagne. but we have our rules. 'Welcome to heaven.' 'Really. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. so we're not sure what to do with you. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. decided that computers should definitely be referred to as feminine because: 1.' 'No problem. . I've made up my mind. They are supposed to help you solve your problems. Also present is the devil. While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies. In order to get their attention. you could have had a better model. 'Before you settle in. down to hell. St. 4. They run to greet him. The men. Peter at the entrance. 'Well. 2. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in their long-term memory for later retrieval.' And with that. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for them. 2. it seems there is a problem. I'd like to. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. As soon as you make a commitment to one. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster. I want to be in heaven.
'Yesterday we were campaigning. "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet. before he realizes it. Today you voted. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage." . up and the door reopens in heaven where St. dressed in rags. but I think I would be better off in hell. picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. spraying on the bottles and the bartender.. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse. 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud.Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.. I'll bet you three hundred dollars. then he answers: 'Well. then. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. drank champagne. 'I don't understand. Peter is waiting for him. down to hell. Sure. not making a single drop in the cup.. and we ate lobster and caviar. "There is no way you can do that. 'Now it's time to visit heaven.. smiles and says. They have a good time and. you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. 'Well. Now choose your eternity. I mean heaven has been delightful. He sees all his friends." The bartender said.' So. He walks back to bar. sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.' stammers the MP. down. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.. I would never have said it before." The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there.' The MP reflects for a minute.' A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender.. The bartender asks. you owe me three hundred dollars. the 24 hours have gone by and St.. The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says. and danced and had a great time. "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop. up.' So St. Peter returns. What happened?' The devil looks at him. The elevator goes up. playing the harp and singing. "That's it. He starts pissing all over the bar. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down." The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing.
'It feels so wonderfully free!' Another runner moved a long side. while a cow turns out a flat patty. It's raining out there!' 'If my husband catches us in here. he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon. gasping in air. with his clothes tucked under his arm. 'Oh my God . jogged closer.grass. 'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. Why?' The southern legislator. and he smiles smugly. My husband's home early!' 'I can't jump out the window. thinks about it and says . I don't know.' said the southern congressman. 'What would you like to talk about?' 'Oh." A Georgia Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Atlanta when he turned to her and said . Can you explain. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when. He's got a hot temper and a gun. 'Oh yes!' he replied. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm? . he tried to blend in as best he could... to her horror. and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain. Being naked. who had just opened her book. 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know sh!t.' Hmmm.' To which the little girl replies. about 300 of them. so the rain is the least of your problems!' So the boyfriend scoots out of bed. A horse. so he started running along beside the others. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.? A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. he'll kill us both!' she replied. OK. visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence. But let me ask you a question first.. closed it slowly and said to the total stranger. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity. a cow. I have no idea.The man said. ' she said.'Let's talk. 'How about global warming or universal health care'.' The little girl. Yet a deer excretes little pellets. "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done. and a deer all eat the same stuff . 'Those could be interesting topics.
.... Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue . The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I.. MY FIRST TIME---- It Was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret.... 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home! ' Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked.. yes' our friend answered breathlessly.just when it's raining.'Oh . 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?' 'No.
Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine.I knew just what She wanted to do. I didn't know how But I tried my best I started by placing My hands on her breast. I remember my fear My fast beating heart But slowly she spread .
"How do you unlock your door?" "Well". . The second way. At last it's finished It's all over now My first time ever At milking a cow. her friend replies. his date put her hand on his arm." she continues. replied her partner. Before he could open his door.. Did you know that I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door?" I'm not sure.". "is if a man shoves his key in the lock and opens the door hard! That means he's a rough lover and that isn't for me. "is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole. she smiles. "Wait a minute. she tells him. And when I did it I felt no shame All at once The white stuff came. seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars.. "give me an example!" The first way.Her legs apart. "Before I do anything else. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient. and said." To his doctor. so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy. One night a man and his date were about to go into his apartment after a night on the town. That means he's inexperienced and that isn't for me either! Which brings us to you. I lick the lock FIRST.
I got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror. he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: 'If you want your Breasts to grow. such as yours is!" answered the doctor. then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds every day' Willing to try anything. Instead of romantically telling me this is not true. he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw. in such a fashion as you can`t tell which one it is. rewrap it." The astonished woman replies. I stopped. I beg your pardon.' my husband replies. sir. At least I was able to transfer my addiction. but now I can`t go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my butt. not knowing which is the treated cigar. and stick it completely up your butt. "Well. Stupid. didn't it?' He's still alive. take one of your cigars. it kind of worked. "What? My recommendation didn`t work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases. They will grow larger over a period of years. stupid man A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller. unwrap it. rubbing it between my breasts. and with a great deal of therapy."When you go to bed tonight. How long will this take?' I asked. doc." And he did." replied the patient." "Thanks doc. I don`t smoke cigars anymore. and place it back with all the others. Then remove it. I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. What did you say?" . "What is that supposed to mean?" demanded the doctor. you won`t dare smoke any of them. The aversion is obvious. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without missing a beat he said 'Worked for your bum. "I want to open a fuckin' checking account. I`ll try it." THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER Fresh from my shower. I must have misunderstood you. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again. "Well.
" says the manager. "Sir. Putting a ladder behind the camel. damn it.I see. "Is that how the men do it?" . Each one of the CEOs is then told. privately. Sometimes the men have urges." The Captain said. That's why we have Molly The Camel. During his first inspection of the outfit. They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer." the man says. I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account now!" "I'm very sorry sir." !!!! That is called Confidence!! ! A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert . I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my fuckin money in this damn bank. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft. he asked the Sergeant. the Captain stands on the ladder. as you know. One CEO alone remains on board the jet." About a month later. Crazed with passion.. he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. he replies : "If it is the same software that is developed by my company's IT systems department. but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there. each offering a different type of excuse. seeming very calm indeed. there are 250 men here on the post and no women. what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no fuckin problem. "I can't say that I condone this." "Oh. The nervous Sergeant said. he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight. pulls his pants down and has wild and insane sex with the camel. "and is this bitch giving you a hard time sir???" A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft.. but I can understand about the 'urges'." The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. "Sir. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language. so the camel can stay. this plane won't even take off.Listen up. that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. When he's done. the Captain starts having his own 'urges'.
--------."No sir.. To get rid of his old fridge.--------.--------." Moral of the story If you are not sure of how things are done. 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said. That's where the girls are.--------.I stopped at Mc Donald's and ordered some fries.'where? ' They walk among us! -----------. The girl behind the counter said "would you like some fries with that?" -----------.--------.--------.--------.--------..--------.--------.. not after you have done it wrongly.------While looking at a house.-------- .--------. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.--------.--------. you take it. my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.--------... he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.-------One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.--------. 'Does the sun rise in the north?' My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime... don't be ashamed to ask for clarification before doing it .--------...--------. She asked. You want it. Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. They usually just ride the camel into town. I don't keep up with all that stuff. ' They Walk Among Us! -----------.--------.--------.--------...' The next day someone stole it! They walk amongst us! -----------.... 'Oh.--------.' For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice..--------.--------.--------.--------..--------.--------.--------.. She shook her head and said.
--------.My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria.--------. (I work with professionals like this. She drove down in a convertible.-------I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. 'Now.--------..-------My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.--------.--------. She keeps it in the car trunk. They Walk Among Us! -----------....--------. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces.--------.--------.. I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces. My friend said. They Walk Among Us! .--------. 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!" I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned..--------.--------.--------.--------.--------. They Walk Among Us ! -----------. when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. They Walk Among Us! -----------.--------.---I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.--------.--------.) They Walk Among Us! -----------.--------.--------.--------. but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.-------While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.' she asked me. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. 'Has your plane arrived yet?'.--------.--------.
' Javed and Habib are beggars. If the person hesitates.. lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.. that puts you on the track. Habib begs just as long as Javed but only collects £2 to £3 every day.. a wife and 6 kids to support'. once my sister said she has missed one. Javed says 'No wonder you only get £2. Habib says to Javed 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?' Javed says. 'Would you mind telling me. TRUE STORY: A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear.' she asked.£3 Habib says.. what does it say'? Habib's sign reads 'I have no work. It reads: 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan'. Javed brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes. They beg in different areas of London . 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Well. Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period? Kid: Yeah.And last. and then said with a nervous laugh. 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history. 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?' 'Nothing is easier.. my mom fainted. but not least: Dumb as a box of Rocks A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS. 'So what does your sign say'? Javed shows Habib his sign. Doctor. dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away . Which one?'' Pelosi thought a moment.' 'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi..' he replied. drives a Mercedes. 'Look at your sign. you might ask.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant. ************ ********* ********* ********* ***** A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential? Dad says: "You are my son.. She took him out to dinner. the woman had already gone but. is also my son. is by the size of his feet" counseled the therapist. "The only foolproof way. I'm confident about that. When the man woke up the next morning. ." A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. Wife says : "If you behave like this. wined and dined him. finds his wife with his friend in bed. Your friend over there. confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her.. So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets. tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant. THAT is confidential. until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. by the bedside table was 2000 rupees and a note that read... you will lose ALL your friends". They were all getting married within a short time period.************ ********* ********* ********* ***** Man comes home. "Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started. "With my compliments. and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon. and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships. Panic is when both are pregnant. she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. He shoots his friend and kills him. ************ ********* ********* ********* ***** What's the difference between stress. take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you. A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist.
and if you don't know the answer. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"! Mom was puzzled at first. "I ask you a question.The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding." the lawyer says. The lawyer is thinking that Indians are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy. nothing." Mom fainted !!!! A lawyer and an Indian are sitting next to each other on a long flight. so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. . and the card read: "Rothmans" Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes. The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding. Then after a whole month. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways" Mom took out her latest YOU magazine. Another week went by and still nothing. The lawyer persists. Mom waited for a week. King Size" She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. The ad said: "Ten times a day. and finally found the ad for SAA. but was pleased for her daughter. a card finally arrived. you ask me one. and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. you pay me only $5. and if I don't know the answer. I will pay you $500. really a lot of fun. but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.. It said: "Good till the last dropµ. seven days a week. flipped through the pages fearing the worst. both ways. The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. and says that the game is really. Mom blushed. The Indian is tired and just wants to take a nap. So the lawyer asks if the Indian would like to play a fun game..
After one hour of searching he finally gives up. hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep. He wakes up the Indian and hands him $500. Don't mess with Indians!!! Dear employees. 'What goes up a hill with three legs. 'What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?' The Indian doesn't say a word. and hands it to the lawyer. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). . Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy. reaches in his pocket. he agrees to play the game. Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). He wakes the Indian up and asks. 'Well. The Indian pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep. pulls out a five-dollar bill. Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. A person may be RAPED once. so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?' The Indian reaches in his pocket. it's the Indian's turn. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows. He asks the lawyer. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. all to no avail. SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. The lawyer asks the first question. and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.This catches the Indians attention and to keep the lawyer quiet. Now. Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
The police. I found out it was stolen. how are you?' I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me." "No.Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). I left home and came to this bar. Then. so I answered. I was just joking. you show up and drink my poison. I overslept and was late to an important meeting. . Today is the worst day of my life. He stays like that for half-hour. The truck driver says: " Come on man. I got home only to find my wife was with the gardener. takes the drink from the guy.. outrageous. and just drinks it all down. Here. I got a cab to return home. I found that I left my wallet in the cab. just looking at his drink . When I left the building to my car. they said they couldn't do anything. Worst day of life There's this little guy sitting inside a bar. I just can't see a man crying. First. this big trouble making truck driver steps next to him. Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. My boss. I'll buy you another drink.. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other toilet saying: 'Hi. When I was thinking about putting an end to my life. and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone. somewhat embarrassed." This could happen to you. fired me. it's not that. The poor man starts crying.
'Can I come over?' Ok... 'Listen.' .. I'll have to call you back. I'm like you.I'm a little busy right now!!!' Then I hear the person say nervously.'Doin' just fine!' And the other person says: 'So what are you up to?' What kind of question is that? At that point. just traveling!' At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. I tell them 'No. There's an idiot in the other toilet who keeps answering all my questions. I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh. this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation.
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