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Me: So, want to know why I hate verison? Friend: sure...why the hate?

Me: Well, my landlord asked me to come fixher computer Me: the computer itself is running slow, but so was her internet Me: She was getting 0.03Mbps down and 0.27Mbps up Me: a 28.8 modem would have been faster Me: So I called the support number listed on their website Friend: aaaand? =P Friend: terrible story teller =P Me: Turns out it wasn't support, it was some kind of customer service. The pers on who answered the phone needed my landlords name, adress, DLS phone number, ac count numbers off of invoices, billing amounts and method of payment before she would speak to us. Friend: ouch...that's a lot of info Me: Bah. Look at the bottom of your window VVV it tells you when I am typing :p Me: Yeah, it was insanely stupid. When we finallly passed her qualifications, I explained that the DLS modem was running aslow. She then said "Oh. You need t ech support. Let me give you their number ... Me: So I called tech suppport. Now I have nothing against the people of india, but like I said before, English skills and English comprehension skills are a mu st Me: The guy I got. He wasn't that good at English Me: He INSISTED that the phone line HAD to be unplugged from the modem, and then the wall in order to fix the problem Friend: wow Me: That was absurd and I could already smell the BS, but I complied ... or trie d to Me: The modem was fine, but the wall jack was behind a sectional desk that I cou ld not accress Me: I tried to explain this to him, but he just kept telling me to take my time and do it Friend: lie Friend: that's what i would have done =P Me: I told him it was impossible and I could not do it Me: I asked him to skip this step, he refused. So we hung up. Me: I should have Friend: i would have lied like a champ =P Me: So after looking around, I found a large cabinet FULL of office supplies tha t I could crawl into after emptying it out. Me: So I did, found the line, found the filter. it was plugged into a splitter for no reason, so I unplugged that Me: removed rather Me: So her office is trashed, I'm exausted and wheezing with asthma, but I had b oth ends exposed. So I call back ... Me: This technicion said NOTHING about unplugging the phone line from the modem. NOT A WORD Me: He "ran some tests" and determinded that I needed to talk to "expert support ". Great! Forward me. Me: I got to expert support and tried to explain the situation to the guy who an swered (and spoke plain English, I was overjoyed) Me: He interupted me and told me I had a virus Friend: *roflroflrofl* Me: (I had spent the first part of the day removing a bad install of Mcafee, ins talled MSE, ran a FULL virus scan and got 0 viruses. You know I used to work in tech, I know what I am doing.) Friend: that's what i figured =P Me: I told him that was not the case, then he astarted talking over me. wouldn' t let me speak Friend: hence the rofls =P Me: so I started yelling into the phone LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR

Me: "why?" Me: You're being extremely rude and won't let me speak! Friend: hopefully you got names of these people Me: Let me put you on hold and adjust my phone so I can hear you better Friend: so when they call for the inevitable survey..you can complain Me: No, I didn't. I was a dumbass. I should have. Me: Oh, there will be complaining. Me: anyway, the guy came back and claimed he couldn't hear me well, and that's w hy he was talking over me\ Me: (then how did he know I had some mysterious virus?) Me: Oh! In the beginning he asked if I was told that "expert support" had a fee Me: ... Me: ... Friend: the fuck? Friend: just to get a working internet connection? Me: I told him that I worked for the state, I am a computer technician, and expl ained everything I had done. I then went on to tell him in addition I brought m y laptop with me that is clean, and got identical results on the speed tests Me: He said that he would transfer me to the division that handled sending a tec h out to test the lines Me: great. So I was forwarded Me: I got another automated, push this, enter that" computer system that I had g otten at the beginning of EACH CALL. Me: (on hold time too, ugh) Me: But the automated system said "Pl.... ent... number ..... ph....a..l" Me: "plea...nami ... it .... " Me: "I'M SORRY PLEASE TRY YOU CALL AT ANOTHER TIME!" *click* Me: fuck Friend: wow Friend: that's pretty shtity cs Me: Call #3 starts. I go through the automated prompts again and wait through 2 0 minutes of hold time. Me: After the guy answered I immediatly asked for a supervisor. Me: He wanted to know why "So he could properly introduce us". So I explain it to him. Me: He put he on hold for a supervisor for 10 minutes then came back and told me no supervisor was available. Me: So I try to get him to help me, but then their voip started getting bad Me: then really bad Me: then I coulsn't understand him at all. I stood there saying "Hello?" into t he phone for 10 minutes before giving up and hanging up on him. Me: Call number 4 Me: I go though the automated prompts AGAIN and had 15 minutes of hold time. Me: (by the way, I took notes of all this(except for names, damnit) Me: So after 15 minutes, an agent answers. I demand to speak to a supervisor. He insists he needs to know what is wrong first. So I again explain the issues with the slow modem. Friend: always get names =P Me: they had fake names Me: "Mike" "ben" "joe" Friend: ask for first and last =P Me: but anyway, he says he will get me a supervisor, and puts me on hold again. Me: I'm on hold for 15 minutes and the music just stops Me: I say Hello? and hear my own voice echo back to me as if it were on a delay Me: fuck. hungup Friend: damn Me: Call number 5! Me: go through the automated prompts, hold time, etc Me: This time I get a female agent. I demand to speak to a supervisor and she t ells me that I am at the highest level of support already

Me: She wanted to know why I wanted to speak to an supervisor, so I read her the entire sheet of the BS I had been put through. Me: She's astounded, or at least pretended to be. She claimed she could only se e proof of 3 calls. Friend: stilll 3 calls isn't bad enough? Me: She did patiently listen and then put me on hold after I was done Friend: omg...you prolly want to destroy all hld buttons =P Me: After a few minutes she comes back and says that the modem my landllord was using was outdatred (and it iwas. very much so) Me: My landlord bought the modem. it wasn't a lease Me: However, she said Verizon would be shipping her a new one, free of charge vi a 2-day business mail, and a supervisor would follow up with us in a couple days . Me: Finally done Friend: nice Friend: nice result....terrible process =P Me: That took from about 4pm when I started callling them until 10:45pm at night Me: what Me: the Me: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck Me: I initially ran malwarebytes around 1:30pm, removed the bad install of McAfe e (had to research that one) and tested that the computer was clean, etc etc Me: Let this be a lesson. Outside of work, you know NOTHING about computers. T hey are magical boxes with buttons and light and fans that make the Internet go, and no one will bug you to fix their computer