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Facebook Status
Funny Status Quotes
Simone Starr

Funny Facebook statuses are a great way to brighten up your social networking profile page. If you are looking for Facebook Status then on the right page.Funny Facebook status messages that have been taken from a collection of my status messages diary. You will find here some of my Funny Facebook Status·s here and will upload some more when I feel like it lol«.. Love Simone Starr

y decided to burn lots of c lories today so I set a fat kid on fire! y One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions. y When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it s for them? y I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak. y sometimes, not remembering mey be the better. y X says my computer just beat me at chess but it was no match for me at kick boxing. y X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube This could take a while. y X is the girl next door if you live next door to a whore house. y What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing.. y slept like a baby last night . Waking up every 3 hours crying for food. y wanted to kill the sexiest person alive But suicide s a crime.

 

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y X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years. y People say that love is in every corner in circles.. y Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it? y Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you re a mile away and you have their shoes. y WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
y

gosh! maybei m moving

ZAPBEEP Price: $2.00 y Dear Santa, let me explain

y I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover. y My wife said I m too immature and if I don t grow up it s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha haha, erect. y If guys had periods, they d brag about the size of their tampons. y Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married. y Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police. y Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate. y Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions . y y _ ( ) l (-) ( l * | ) ( ) (| l )

y if only life came with a

REW

PLAY

PAUSE

STOP

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y scratch here
y

to reveal today s status. =( )= / $ ( / 1 ) this is a stick-up $ ]!

give me ALL yo [

y Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face. y The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary. y Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced. y i ve yet to meet a girlfriend who got pregnant from swallowing. y Cut here -

y Me and my husband are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart. y I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak. y People who write diet books live off the fat of the land. y Dance like no one s going to put it on YouTube. y Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet. y Best Friends Listen to what you dont say. y Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF Best Facebook Friend Forever.. y So many stupid people, and so few asteroids. y X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain. y Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don t know when. y You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take. y Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhhits a secret.

FACEBOOK STATUS 5

y I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time. y Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged. y I guess if you spoke your mind, you d be speechless, huh? y X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cook ies to piss me off!! y Alcohol does NOT make you fat it makes you lean against tables,chairs,walls, floors and .Ugly people!!! y what has two ears and cant hear? y I m not a racer .Buti can fly. y press the star below and watch it glow
y

.> GRANDPA

click star then up arrow to left to reveal status. y I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet. y Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.

y X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of liking my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I m awesome.. y Every day, man is making bigger and better fool -proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning. y I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos. y X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.

FACEBOOK STATUS 5

y X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free. y ¡ s ooq u u snpu pu spu op

y Smile, it s the second best thing you can do with your lips. y oh I m sorry! i didn t realise you were giving me a dirty look i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!! y wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT. y X says don t look at me in that tone of voice. y If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other. y eateat and eat .but don t eat my brain. y I married my husband for his looks. But not the ones she s been giving me lately! y a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water .. Is that wrong?
y

q uop

oq

nq

s

ss

y All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that s their own fault. y trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon. y the kid next door s imaginary friend.
y

^v ^v ^v ^v-_____^v ^v ^v For a second there, I was bored to death. y definitely not watching what not to wear.

FACEBOOK STATUS 7

y forcing my dog to learn how to google. y kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it. y Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with according to the prophecy y X is Loading 99%

y Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF? y U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown. y X went to the book store earlier to buy a Where s Wally book. When I got there, I couldn t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played. y His name is Damimeve. The mime is silent. y I ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT! when they have nightmares. y In an interview, I can multitask housework with facebook! y X is coloring on your wall! (( ( C r a y o l a ( ((>

y never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about. y a day late and a dollar short. y Insert coin to view my status message. y If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don t eat it: It s probably poison. y We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go . y happy that you finally broke up with that asshole. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked him.
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y seen pictures of you naked on the internet. y remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit. y > $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home. y 20/20 hearing! y "If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0"

"The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."

"Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

"unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep" - my daily unix command list

"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." - Robert Firth

"If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise."

"The more I C, the less I see." y "To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."

"After Perl everything else is just assembly language."

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"If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough."

"Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code." y "Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."

"COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods."

Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. Michael Sinz

"There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - This is not humorous by itself; but in the context it's a classic by Bill Gates in 1981

Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

"Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer." - Erik Naggum

"Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell."
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"SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it."

"Windows95: It's like upgrading from Reagan to Bush. y if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation. y ever noticed that things are so much funnier when you're not supposed to laugh and you know it's so wrong to! y If swimming is great exercise, explain whales to me? y Being the youngest child is the biggest compliment ever! Think about it...your parents decided they finally got it right and didn't need to try again! LMAO! y is thinking that beer is the answer... who cares what the question is! y Smile uncontrollably and the world smiles with you. Laugh uncontrollably and they'll think your on drugs. y Why do people put designs on toilet paper? It's not like when they wipe their butt there gonna be like Oh my god! a flower!! y has 2 mysterious people living in our house... Somebody and Nobody. Somebody did it and nobody knows who! y What is love? In math, a problem. In history, a battle. In science, it's a reaction. In art, it's a heart.But to me? Love always will and simply be, you. y I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast forward the bullshit. Rewind the memories. =) y has often looked at people and wondered, "Out of 10 million sperm, you were the fastest?"

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y Why in the hell do I have to press 1 for English and be left on hold for ten minutes to ultimately speak to someone who can't speak English y Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts :: Others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face. y There's always a little truth behind every "just kid ding", a little knowledge behind every "i don't know", a little emotion behind every "i don't care" y 3 facts about life: 1 You can't touch all your teeth with your tongue. 2 Your retarded cause you just tried it. 3 Now your smiling cause you're an idiot. y Life would be perfect if: Some girls had mute buttons; Some guys had edit buttons; Hard times had fast forward buttons; And Good times had pause buttons =) y My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, I replied, no, we all seem to e njoy it. y Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition! y "It's impossible." said pride."It's risky." said experience."It's pointless." said reason."Give it a try." whispered the heart. y hhhmmm wouldn't it b good if Ctrl+Alt+Del worked on stupid people lol y has decided to start having a balanced diet for a change.......a beer in each hand!!!!! y is sorry he missed what you said, his bullshit filter was switched on
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y says how comes we live in a world where a pizza arrives before the police? y Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clocks broken and Im wide awake. Not sure who won. y I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?" y Shot my first turkey yesterday. . scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section... It was awesome !!! y is very very good in bed... I can take 6 -8 hours easy, even though I only get 2-3 if I am real lucky... Sleep! Dirty Minded Friends... lol y 's question of the day: "why is Monday sooooo far away from Friday, and Friday so bloody close to Monday?" y cursed the bathroom mirror, this morning, for scaring the crap out of him, when he turned the light on. y Did ya ever notice that LIVE backwards is EVIL?!!and LIVED is Devil. creepy huh? y thinks that mornings would be better if they happened in the afternoon y Yesterday, I didn't forward a chain mail. Today I'm still alive. y wondersifanyoneknowswhatthelongstickatthebottomofthekeyboa rdisfor? y knows that when the alarm clock rings the best part of the day is over y is going to mix youtube, twitter and Facebook into one time consuming site, and he'll call it, http://www.youtwitface.com

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y cried today...i heard on the news the government wants to kill all mentally ill people, i thought of you...run my little retard run! y is wondering if he is too old to run away from home? y at any given time, .7% of the world's population is drunk, I'm just doing my part to keep that statistic honest! y when I shut my mouth and turn to walk away, it doesn't mean you've won. It means your stupid ass isn't worth my time. y How come when you talk to God, it's called praying, but when God talks to you, it's called paranoid schizophrenia?! y Alcohol screws up your math skills. When sober, 3+2+1=6. But drinking triple + seeing double + being single = WHOLE LOTTA fun. y I phoned up a call centre, and the automatic message said, "All our advisers are engaged." Congratulations to them all. Now answer the fucking phone. y If you don't like someone, walk a mile in there shoes. You'll be a mile away from them, and you'll have there shoes :) y Some people wait their entire life for their ship to come in, not realizing that they are standing in an airport. y WARNING: Aliens are coming to abduct all the hot and sexy people! I just wanted to tell you goodbye and not to worry you will be safe. y is so proud of his children no fighting no arguing, they are getting along so well...IN SEPARATE ROOMS! y just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards :-0

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y Have you ever woken up, after having a dream that you ate the worlds biggest marshmallow,, and your pillow is gone?.. y I sleep better naked...why can't the flight attendant understand this? y what begins with C ends in T, hairy on the outside and wet on the inside? a coconut u dirty minded filth bag! y is normal. It's the world around his that's crazy! y has lost his mind and is not sure he wants to find it. If found, please return it COD and I will pick it up next payday. y unfortunately is at work...will everybody please refrain from having such a good time during this difficult period...thanks f or your co-operation. y 's Rules... RULE No1: I am always right. RULE No2: if i am wrong please refer to RULE No1. y OK am not one to brag..but I think I deserve a medal..I Just rescued a beer that was trapped in the fridge! y : Say this fast- { I, 1, 2, 1/2, 6} *Like* if you get it y I'm the kind of crazy girl that bumps into chairs and says "Oops excuse Me" Then stops herself and says did i really just talk to a chair? y I've been trying to workout this week, but it hasn't been working out. y At 6 min & 7 sec after 5am on the 8th September this year it will be 05:06:07 08-09-10. This won't happen again until year 3010 !!! y If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for a week or two first.

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FACEBOOK STATUS 1 5

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