You are on page 1of 2

Bristol City Council Top Secret Contingency Plan For Handling Zombie Outbreaks in Bristol

Following advice to local authorities from [redacted, on grounds of national security] Bristol City Council has adopted the following contingency plans.

Alert states
Be aware of the following possible alert states. • • • • Ambient zombie level – business as usual, but be on the lookout for tell-tale signs Enhanced activity level – confirmed zombie attacks on the populus Major outbreak – zombie infection level in excess of 1%, multiple sightings across the city Zombie pandemic level – concentrated outbreak, with infection levels over 30%

High risk areas in Bristol
Intelligence from [redacted, on grounds of national security] indicates that certain parts of the Bristol area have an enhanced zombie prevalence, including Whitchurch Park, Shirehampton, and Totterdown. False positives have been found in Stokes Croft, which are subject of under-cover investigation through use of [redacted, on grounds of national security].

To avoid widespread panic, codewords are in use to mobilise these contingency plans. All staff should therefore be on the look out for references on TV or Radio to [redacted, on grounds of national security], and then proceed to their pre-assigned emergency stations.

These coded references will be broadcast on nation & local radio and television networks

Health and Safety Implications
Remember the correct zombie killing proceedure: 1 – Fully disconnect the brain-stem from the body through either blunt force or full head removal 2 – Avoid all unprotected contact. 3 – Zombies are extremely aggressive. Do not approach unless adequately armed.

Procurement implications
The Council has entered into a multi-agency procurement contract for appropriate equipment – where possible in line with our buy-local policy. A catalogue of standard issue equipment – cuffs, stun guns, protection suits etc. – is available on the staff intranet.

Customer service implications
Due to urgent operational considerations, it is acceptable to suspend some elements of normal best practice in customer service standards when dealing with a zombie outbreak.

Training opportunities
An annual training schedule for designated officers is in place. To avoid public panic, this is billed as a gaming festival, codename project igfest. Use your standard issue decoder ring to reveal hidden details concealed in the website at . A range of refresher videos are also available such as Top tip for personal development: Staff fully qualified in zombie handling may qualify for partial exemption and accreditation in the training for handling pirate outbreaks, and for spotting the difference between genuine hot air balloons and evil giant floaty space aliens. Speak to your departmental Learning Development Partner for more details.

Related Interests