This Game Sucks.

Characters: Alexis Frankie Scott Each episode begins with the three sitting on a couch, one of them playing a game.

Episode 1: L.A. Noire F, S, A ordered on couch. Frankie is playing the Xbox, Scott is playing DS, and Alexis is watching the screen. Frankie: [playing game] This game sucks.

Scott doesn’t react.

Alexis: What? No it doesn’t!

Frankie: It’s Phoenix Wright in 3D.

Alexis: That’s a terrible argument. Good games borrow ideas all the time.

Frankie: Sure, but they borrow good things, not bad.

[Alexis raises eyebrows at Frankie in skepticism]

Frankie: [pauses game and turns so F and A are speaking across S] Okay, take the interrogation system, it isn’t padded at all! All choices you make are either completely right or completely wrong.

Alexis: So? The motion capture tech alone is enough to make this an amazing game! The whole point is to be able to tell if someone’s lying or not.

Frankie: Yeah, but instead of reacting to the evidence I present to them, the suspect gives me some bullshit general response when I’m wrong.

Alexis: So what?

Frankie: [sighs] Okay. So say you’re the person I’m interrogating. Cuts to F in a suit and hat interrogating A sitting at a table. A is still wearing the same clothes.

Alexis: [looking around] I’m listening…

Frankie: [in voice-over] And say you’re a suspect to your husband’s murder.

Alexis: Okay…

Frankie: And say—

Alexis: Wait, wait, wait… How did he die?

Frankie: [still in voice-over] Uh, he was found hanging from your kid’s playground.

Alexis: Wouldn’t that just be suici— [cut off by F]

Frankie: With his arms chopped off.

Alexis: Ugh! Frankie, what the hell?!

Frankie: [still in voice-over] Just go with it.

Alexis: [exasperated] Fine. So I’m being interrogated.

Frankie: [in voice-over] Right, so I ask you, [F in suit] [intense, leaning far over the table] Where were you on the night of your husband’s murder!? Alexis: [jerks back] Wha—?

Frankie: [in voice-over, exasperated] Just make something up.

Alexis: Oh… Uh, I was… Uh… shoe shopping…?

F slaps a piece of broccoli down on the table. Frankie: This says otherwise.

Alexis: [stares at the broccoli for a long moment] That’s broccoli.

Frankie: [in voice-over] Oh! Or even better.

F slaps a dildo down on the table. Long pause.

Alexis: What does that have to do with the murder?

Cut back to couch shot

Frankie: [now holding the broccoli in one hand and the dildo in the other] Nothing! That’s the whole point! Instead of being grossed out that I’d gone to your house and found this, in the game you would just reply with something inane like [uses high-pitched voice] “Oh you’re just grasping at straws!” and I’d fail the interrogation. It’s so unrealistic!

Alexis: I sound nothing like that. And, uh, where did you get that?

Frankie: Where did I get what?

Alexis: The dildo. In your hand.

Frankie: [looks as if he just realized it was there] Oh… isn’t it… I mean… I found it in… [trails off]

Long silence.

Scott finally looks up from his DS and at F Scott: What’s with the dildo?

Alexis: Frankie was trying to tell us what turns him on.

Scott: [pauses, looking at the broccoli and the dildo] Oh… I thought you hated vegetables?

[Cut to black]

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