HORRIBLE’S SING-ALONG BLOG By Joss Whedon, Jed Whedon, Zack Whedon & Maurissa Tancharoen
ACT I Blog #1 DR. HORRIBLE Ah hahahaha. Ah ha haaaa. A haaaa. So that’s you know... coming along. I’m working with a vocal coach. Strengthening the “ahhaa”. A lot of guys ignore the laugh and that’s about standards. I mean, if you’re going to get into the Evil League of Evil you HAVE to have a memorable laugh. I mean do you think Bad Horse didn’t work on his whinny? His terrible... Death... whinny. No response, BTW from the League yet but my application is strong this year. A letter of condemnation from the deputy mayor. That’s gotta have some weight, so, fingers crossed. EMAILS! 2sly4you writes: “hey genius” wow. Sarcasm. That’s ORIGINAL. “Where are the gold bars you were supposed to pull out of that bank vault with your trans-matter ray? Obviously it failed or it would be in the papers.” Well no, there not going to say anything in the press. But BEHOLD. Transported from there to here. The molecules tend to shift in the trans-matter... um... event, but, they were transported IN BAR FORM and they clearly were... (and by the way it’s not about making money. It’s about TAKING money. Destroying the status-quo because the “status” is NOT “quo”. The world is a mess and I just need to RULE it.) I’m gonna... that smells like cumin. So, Trans-matter is 75% AND more importantly the Freeze-Ray is almost up. This is the one. Stops time. Freeze-ray. Tell your friends. We have... OH! Here’s one from our good friend Johnny Snow. “Dr. Horrible. I see you are once again afraid to do battle with your nemesis. I waited at Dooley Park for 45 minutes.” Ok, DUDE you’re NOT my nemesis. My nemesis is Captain Hammer. Captain Hammer, Corporate TOOL. He dislocated my shoulder... Again... last week. LOOK! I’m just trying to change the world, OK? I don’t have time for a grudge match with every poser in a parka. Besides, there’s kids in that park, so... (MORE) (CONTINUED)
Laundry Mat "My Freeze Ray" LAUNDRY DAY SEE YOU THERE UNDER THINGS TUMBLING WANNA SAY “LOVE YOUR HAIR” HERE I GO MUMBLING WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL STOP THE WORLD WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL FIND THE TIME TO FIND THE WORDS TO TELL YOU HOW HOW YOU MAKE MAKE ME FEEL WHAT’S THE PHRASE? LIKE A FOOL KINDA SICK SPECIAL NEEDS ANY WAYS WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL STOP THE PAIN IT’S NOT A DEATH-RAY OR AN ICE-BEAM THAT’S ALL JOHNNY SNOW I JUST THINK YOU NEED TIME TO KNOW THAT I’M THE GUY TO MAKE IT REAL THE FEELINGS YOU DON’T DARE TO FEEL I’LL BEND THE WORLD TO OUR WILL AND WE’LL MAKE TIME STAND STILL THAT’S THE PLAN RULE THE WORLD YOU AND ME ANYDAY Love your hair PENNY What?
. first time writing. show her you are a true villain’. “You always say on your blog that you will ‘show her the way.
DR.” Blah blah blah blah... HORRIBLE (cont’d) Here’s one from DeadNotSleeping. Who is ‘her’ and does she even know that you’re” .CONTINUED:
2... “Long time watcher.
.. HORRIBLE It’s from him! MOIST The leader? The.. DR. moisture buddy... I love the air. I kinda thought I was supposed to end up with bait. MOIST Yeah. What’s going on? MOIST Life of crime. I. HORRIBLE Hey... HORRIBLE I hear ya. DR.. ahhh. but. HORRIBLE No.. Oh my God! That’s his seal isn’t it?!? I saw Penny today. audible. Got your mail. HORRIBLE So close. MOIST You talk to her? DR. I. I’m just a few weeks away from a real... Didn’t you go on a date last night? Conflict Diamond told me you were doubling with Bait’N’Switch... DR. HORRIBLE Yeah? MOIST It was all right.. ANYWAY WITH MY FREEZE RAY I WILL STOP Lab MOIST Hey doc.CONTINUED:
3. connection. didn’t you ahh. Oh my God! MOIST Is that from the League? DR. I’m gonna ask..
DR... HORRIBLE Moist! My evil. DR.
? "Bad Horse Letter" BAD HORSE CHORUS BAD HORSE BAD HORSE BAD HORSE BAD HORSE HE RIDES ACROSS THE NATION THE THOROUGHBRED OF SIN HE GOT THE APPLICATION THAT YOU JUST SENT IN IT NEEDS EVALUATION. SO LET THE GAMES BEGIN A HEINOUS CRIME. A SHOW OF FORCE. MOIST Armored car? DR. Candy from a baby.. HORRIBLE Courier van..
. Are you sure you wanna.. HORRIBLE Are you kidding? This is great! I’m about to pull a major heist.. He rules the league with an iron hoof.CONTINUED:
DR. You know the Wonderflonium that I need for the Freeze-Ray? It’s being transported tomorrow. HORRIBLE I got a letter from Bad Horse! MOIST That’s so hard core. Bad Horse is legend. DR. (A MURDER WOULD BE NICE OF COURSE) BAD HORSE BAD HORSE BAD HORSE HE’S BAD THE EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL IS WATCHING SO BEWARE THE GRADE THAT YOU RECEIVE WILL BE YOUR LAST WE SWEAR SO MAKE THE BAD HORSE GLEEFUL OR HE’LL MAKE YOU HIS MARE YOU’RE SADDLED UP THERE’S NO RECOURSE IT’S ‘HIGH-HO SILVER’ SIGNED: BAD HORSE MOIST It’s not a no.
PENNY I’m Penny. I know you! DR. What are you doing? DR. but. I mean. Billy is my name. Oh.. you do. You know me? you? PENNY From the laundry mat. Hey. Yeah.. I’ve SEEN you. I mean. What are you doing? Cool. Ah. It’s very important or I would stop. Or..
MOIST You need anything dampened or made soggy or. HORRIBLE ARGHHH! PENNY Oh. It coulda been someone else. you skipped the weekend. HORRIBLE Argh. PENNY I was wondering if I could just. HORRIBLE Wednesdays and Saturdays except twice last month. alone.. DR. Do I gotta go this
. if that was you. HORRIBLE Thanks.? DR. HORRIBLE Hello. Street "Caring Hands" PENNY WILL YOU LEND A CARING HAND TO SHELTER THOSE WHO NEED IT? ONLY HAVE TO SIGN YOUR NAME DON’T EVEN HAVE TO READ IT WOULD YOU HELP? NO? HOW BOUT YOU? WILL YOU LEND A CARING HAND? DR. HORRIBLE I’m texting. the League is watching.. Hah. What? DR.CONTINUED:
6. There’s this great building nearby that the city is just going to demolish and turn into a parking lot. get people off the streets and into job training so they could. DR.. consumes the human race. Putting the power in. HORRIBLE I’m sorry. but I’m talking about an overhaul of the system. Ok.. HORRIBLE It’s not a perfect metaphor. So my thinking is why not cut off the head? PENNY Of the human race? DR. You’re not really interested in the homeless are you? DR. HORRIBLE Umm. But they’re a symptom.
PENNY Actually I’m out here volunteering for the Caring Hands Homeless Shelter. but if we get enough signatures.... DIFFERENT.
. DR. Can you spare a minute? DR.. HORRIBLE I’d love to sign it..... go. PENNY Ok. expand our efforts. buy rocket packs and go to the moon and become. DR.. This petition is about the building. hands. You’re treating a symptom and the disease rages on.. maybe we could get the city to donate the building to our cause... We would be able to provide 250 new beds.. go on.. PENNY I’m all for that. florists... I am.. PENNY I was saying um. HORRIBLE No. The fish rots from the head as they say. we’re hoping to open up a new location soon. HORRIBLE Signatures? *pfft* PENNY Yeah.
. Horrible. Why did she talk to me NOW? Maybe I should. I’ll probably see you there. HORRIBLE Sorry I. DR. PENNY But you signed.CONTINUED:
7.. I’ll. I should have known you were behind this.
PENNY Thank you.. HORRIBLE Wouldn’t want to turn my back on a fellow laundry person. HORRIBLE You Idiot! CAPTAIN HAMMER Dr. HORRIBLE You almost killed her
. DR... I come on strong... "A Man’s Gotta Do" A MAN’S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN’S GOTTA DO DON’T PLAN THE PLAN IF YOU CAN’T FOLLOW THROUGH ALL THAT MATTERS IS TAKING MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS SOON I’LL CONTROL EVERYTHING MY WISH IS YOUR COMMAND CAPTAIN HAMMER STAND BACK EVERYONE NOTHIN’ HERE TO SEE JUST IMMINENT DANGER AND IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ME YES CAPTAIN HAMMER’S HERE HAIR BLOWING IN THE BREEZE THE DAY NEEDS MY SAVING EXPERTISE A MAN’S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN’S GOTTA DO SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WITH ME SAVING YOU THE ONLY DOOM THAT’S LOOMING IS YOU LOVING ME TO DEATH SO I’LL GIVE YOU A SECOND TO CATCH YOUR BREATH DR.. DR.. I will. HORRIBLE No. PENNY Well if WE can’t stick together I don’t.. DR. She talked to me.
Horrible. I DON’T THINK I CAN EXPLAIN HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS THAT YOU STOP THE VAN I WOULD BE SPLATTERED. HORRIBLE (ARE YOU KIDDING?) CAPTAIN HAMMER SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WITH ME SAVING YOU DR. I’D BE CRUSHED UNDER DEBRIS THANK YOU SIR FOR SAVING ME CAPTAIN HAMMER Don’t worry about it.CONTINUED:
8. HORRIBLE Is she? *urgh* CAPTAIN HAMMER Its curtains for you Dr. DR. gently wafting curtains. WHAT’S THE USE? DR. SOME TICKING BOMB TO
.) DR. HORRIBLE (DID YOU NOTICE THAT HE THREW YOU IN THE GARBAGE?) PENNY (MY HEART IS BEATING LIKE A DRUM) CAPTAIN HAMMER THERE’S ASS NEEDS KICKING. HORRIBLE (WHAT HEIST WERE YOU WATCHING?) PENNY (I WONDER WHAT YOU’RE CAPTAIN OF) DR. PENNY (YOU CAME FROM ABOVE. DIFFUSE. A MAN’S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN’S GOTTA DO.
CAPTAIN HAMMER I remember it differently. HORRIBLE (STOP LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAT) CAPTAIN HAMMER WHEN YOU’RE THE BEST YOU CAN’T REST. Lacy. PENNY THANK YOU HAMMER MAN.
HORRIBLE (I STOPPED THE VAN.. THE REMOTE CONTROL WAS IN MY HAND)
CAPTAIN HAMMER THE ONLY DOOM THAT’S LOOMING IS YOU LOVING ME TO DEATH PENNY (ASSUMING I’M NOT LOVING YOU TO DEATH) DR.
9. MUST BE IN SHOCK) DR. HORRIBLE Balls. HORRIBLE (WHATEVER) CAPTAIN HAMMER & PENNY SO PLEASE GIVE ME A SEC TO CATCH MY BREATH DR.
ACT II Blog #2 Dr. YOU CAN DO YOUR PART TO TURN A LIFE AROUND I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES IS THE WORLD FINALLY GROWING WISE CAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME SOME KIND OF HARMONY IS ON THE RISE DR. Street "On the Rise" DR. HORRIBLE ANY ONE WITH HALF A BRAIN COULD SPEND THEIR WHOLE LIFE HOWLING IN PAIN PENNY (TAKE IT SLOW HE LOOKS AT ME AND SEEMS TO KNOW) THE THINGS THAT I’M AFRAID TO SHOW AND SUDDENLY I FEEL HIS GLOW
. HORRIBLE ANY DOLT WITH HALF A BRAIN CAN SEE THAT HUMAN KIND HAS GONE INSANE TO THE POINT WHERE I DON’T KNOW IF I’LL UPSET THE STATUS QUO IF I THROW POISON IN THE WATER MAIN LISTEN CLOSE TO EVERYBODY’S HEART AND HEAR THAT BREAKING SOUND HOPES AND DREAMS ARE SHATTERING APART AND CRASHING TO THE GROUND I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES HOW THE WORLD’S FILLED WITH FILTH AND LIES BUT IT’S PLAIN TO SEE EVIL INSIDE OF ME IS ON THE RISE PENNY LOOK AROUND.10. Horrible sits with blank expression. WE’RE LIVING WITH THE LOST AND FOUND JUST WHEN YOU FEEL YOU’VE ALMOST DROWNED YOU FIND YOURSELF ON SOLID GROUND AND YOU BELIEVE THERE’S GOOD IN EVERYBODY’S HEART KEEP IT SAFE AND SOUND WITH HOPE.
HORRIBLE BUT IT’S PLAIN TO SEE PENNY (AND IT’S PLAIN TO SEE) DR. HORRIBLE EVIL INSIDE OF ME PENNY (RAPTURE INSIDE OF ME) DR. HORRIBLE AND CRASHING TO THE GROUND PENNY (TO TURN A LIFE AROUND) DR. HORRIBLE & PENNY IS ON THE RISE
. HORRIBLE FILLED WITH FILTH AND LIES PENNY FINALLY GROWING WISE DR. HORRIBLE & PENNY I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES HOW THE WORLD’S DR. HORRIBLE (LISTEN CLOSE TO EVERYBODY’S HEART AND HEAR THAT BREAKING SOUND) HOPES AND DREAMS ARE SHATTERING APART PENNY (WITH HOPE YOU CAN DO YOUR PART) DR.
11. HORRIBLE (CAUSE THE DARK IS EVERYWHERE AND PENNY DOESN’T SEEM TO CARE THAT SOON THE DARK IN ME IS ALL THAT WILL REMAIN) PENNY AND I BELIEVE THERE’S GOOD IN EVERYBODY’S HEART KEEP IT SAFE AND SOUND DR.
random happen-stance. HORRIBLE I know. DR. PENNY The smell of fabric softener. I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two. DR. Hey. HORRIBLE So good. actually. DR. DR. Here. All those months doing a stunningly boring chore. this is weird. PENNY The feel of warm clothes in your hands.
Laundry Mat PENNY It is so dumb that we’ve been coming here so long and never spoke.. DR. How was that?
. HORRIBLE So how was your weekend? Did you spend the whole time hunting wild signatures? PENNY Um. HORRIBLE Get right outta town.12. HORRIBLE Psych! I love it. You don’t happen to like frozen yogurt do you? PENNY I love it. PENNY Thank you.. DR. PENNY I’m a fan of laundry. DR. HORRIBLE MMmm. HORRIBLE Yore kidding! what a crazy. I went on a date.
and I thought he was kinda cheesy at first. HORRIBLE Huh.. The wait is over. PENNY Billy? DR. and now he’s (MORE) (CONTINUED)
. HORRIBLE So I am.. DR. with the addition of the Wonderflonium I obtained at my famously successful heist last week. HORRIBLE Like with pie. DR. HORRIBLE Trust your instincts PENNY But.
PENNY Unexpected. HORRIBLE And sometimes there’s a third. DR. DR. Blog #3 DR. you gonna see him again? PENNY I think I will. He’s a really good looking guy. HORRIBLE All right. It was less successful in that I inadvertently introduced my arch-nemesis to the girl of my dreams. Hilarious..CONTINUED:
13.. I say successful in that I achieved my objective. This my friends. So... he turned out to be totally sweet. is my Freeze-Ray which. Sometimes people are layered like that. HORRIBLE Yeah? PENNY You’re driving a spork into your leg. even deeper level and that one is the same as the top surface one. PENNY Huh? DR. there’s something totally different underneath than what’s on the surface.
HORRIBLE *cough* Ahem.. which it WILL because I hold a P. See you at the aftermath. because I’m. HORRIBLE Would you do it? To get into the Evil League of Evil?
. Horrible returns battered and bruised. HORRIBLE (cont’d) taking her out on dates. "Bad Horse Phone Call" BAD HORSE CHORUS HE SAW THE OPERATION YOU TRIED TO PULL TODAY BUT YOUR HUMILIATION MEANS HE STILL VOTES NAY AND NOW ASSASSINATION IS JUST THE ONLY WAY THERE WILL BE BLOOD IT MIGHT BE YOURS SO GO KILL SOMEONE SIGNED: BAD HORSE Lab MOIST Kill someone? DR. How is he sweet? RIGHT. Blog #4 Dr.CONTINUED:
14..D in Horribleness. SO as of tonight I am in the Evil League of Evil if all goes according to plan.H. PEACE! But not literally. The Freeze-Ray needs work. and they’re probably going to french kiss or something. The Freeze-Ray takes a few seconds to warm up and I wasn’t. Captain Hammer threw a car at my head. She called him sweet.D and Captain Hammer are among our viewers. Apparently the L. Oh.... one second.P.
DR. DR. They were waiting for me at the Mayor’s dedication of the Superhero Memorial Bridge. Not to worry though.. I also need to be a LITTLE bit more careful about what I say on this blog..A. Freeze-Ray.
MOIST Is that the new catch phrase? DR. I mean. PENNY The thoroughbred of sin?
. you know. HORRIBLE: Do I even know you? Laundry Mat DR. HORRIBLE I wanna do great things. HORRIBLE I just. Horrible. MOIST Smother an old lady. in horribleness. this job and I just can’t get my foot in the door. at my most bad-ass I make people feel like they want to take a shower. You know I do. Like Bad Horse. REALLY think I’m qualified for this.. HORRIBLE I’m not gonna kill a little kid. HORRIBLE Killing’s not elegant or creative.L.
MOIST Look at me man.. That’d be big.H.D. I’m not E. I’m Dr. DR. But killing? Really? MOIST Hourglass says she knows a kid in Iowa that grows up to become president. DR. MOIST You’ve got more than enough evil hours to get into the Henchman’s Union. I have a P.CONTINUED:
15. DR. I’m Moist. It’s not my style. you know? I wanna be an achiever. DR. DR. HORRIBLE *Pfft* I’m not a henchman. PENNY I’m sure you will.E material. HORRIBLE I deserve to get in.
PENNY No. everything happens. Even fired a few times. I’ve gotten turned down from plenty of jobs.
.. DR. But. Now I can visualize it really well. HORRIBLE I can’t imagine anyone firing you. "Here’s a Story" PENNY HERE’S A STORY OF A GIRL WHO GREW UP LOST AND LONELY THINKING LOVE WAS FAIRY TALE AND TROUBLE WAS MADE ONLY FOR ME EVEN IN THE DARKENSS EVERY COLOR CAN BE FOUND AND EVERY DAY OF RAIN BRINGS WATER FLOWING TO THINGS GROWING IN THE GROUND GRIEF REPLACED WITH PITTY FOR A CITY BARELY COPING DREAMS ARE EASY TO ACHIEVE IF HOPE IS ALL I’M HOPING TO BE ANY TIME YOU’RE HURT THERE’S ONE WHO HAS IT WORSE AROUND AND EVERY DROP OF RAIN WILL KEEP YOU GROWING SEEDS YOU’RE SOWING IN THE GROUND SO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP BILLY BUDDY It’s like Captain Hammer’s always saying... HORRIBLE I meant Ghandi. DR.CONTINUED:
16. HORRIBLE Don’t say "for a reason". DR. you know. PENNY Well.. PENNY Neither could I. HORRIBLE Not to me.
DR. I’m just saying that everything happens.
DR. Pardon. PENNY Billy. HORRIBLE Right. CAPTAIN HAMMER OH! Billy. DR. this is Captain Hammer.CONTINUED:
17. HORRIBLE One of those faces I guess.
DR. ARGH! CAPTAIN HAMMER Oh. HORRIBLE We’re meeting now for the first time. the laundry buddy. They’re good. CAPTAIN HAMMER Have I seen you at the gym?
. Him. I’ll be interested to know what you think of him. HORRIBLE OH! Goodness. DR. He’s nice. HORRIBLE Stop by here?! PENNY Yeah. CAPTAIN HAMMER You look horribly familiar. I gotta go PENNY But what about your clothes? DR. HORRIBLE Pardon. See ya. HORRIBLE I don’t love these. DR. well it is very nice to meet you. Look at my wrist. How are things with "cheesy on the outside"? PENNY Good. DR. He said he might stop by.
Penny’s giving it up. this is great. show her the Command Center. HORRIBLE Well.
. I’m just naturally like this. See. And THESE are not the hammer. She’s givin it up hard. Oh well. Doctor. I wish I could stay and chit-chat. See. HORRIBLE Congratulations PENNY Thank you. PENNY Oh my God! CAPTAIN HAMMER Yep..
18. later I’m gonna take little Penny back to my place. and I get what you want. HORRIBLE At the gym. You think she likes me now? I’m gonna give Penny the night of her life. THANK YOU! CAPTAIN HAMMER ahh PENNY Oh DR.. That I was signing with. CAPTAIN HAMMER I don’t go to the gym.. Just because you want her.. I can’t believe it! DR. CAPTAIN HAMMER Well it sure was nice to meet you. maybe even the Ham-Jet. Who wants to know what the Mayor is doing behind closed doors? He is signing over a certain building to a Caring Hands Group as a new homeless shelter. don’t you Doc? Well that’s gonna make this hard to hear. with a pen in it.. PENNY I. But. Hammer Cycle. The hammer is my penis. Apparently the only signature he needed was my fist. cause she’s with Captain Hammer.. You got a little crush.
RIGHT. MR. COOL. LISTEN. HONESTLY I’LL LIVE MR. HORRIBLE THIS APPEARED AS A MORAL DILEMMA CAUSE AT FIRST IT WAS WEIRD THOUGH I SWORE TO ELIMINATE THE WORST OF THE PLAGUE THAT DEVOURED HUMANITY ITS TRUE I WAS VAGUE ON THE HOW SO HOW CAN IT BE THAT YOU HAVE SHOWN ME THE LIGHT IT’S A BRAND NEW DAY AND THE SUN IS HIGH ALL THE BIRDS ARE SINGING THAT YOU’RE GONNA DIE HOW I HESITATED NOW I WONDER WHY IT’S A BRAND NEW DAY ALL THE TIMES THAT YOU BEAT ME UNCONSCIOUS I’LL FORGIVE ALL THE CRIMES INCOMPLETE. MR.
Street "Brand New Day" DR. KNOW-IT-ALL IS THROUGH AND THE FUTURE’S SO BRIGHT AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU YOU SHOWED ME THE LIGHT IT’S A BRAND NEW ME I’VE GOT NO REMORSE NOW THE WATER’S RISIN’ BUT I KNOW THE COURSE I’M GONNA SHOCK THE WORLD GONNA SHOW BAD HORSE IT’S A BRAND NEW DAY AND PENNY WILL SEE THE EVIL ME NOT A JOKE NOT A DORK NOT A FAILURE AND SHE MAY CRY BUT HER TEARS WILL DRY WHEN I HAND HER THE KEYS TO A SHINY NEW AUSTRALIA IT’S A BRAND NEW DAY AND THE SUN IS HIGH ALL THE ANGELS SING BECAUSE YOU’RE GONNA DIE GO AHEAD AND LAUGH YEAH I’M A FUNNY GUY (MORE) (CONTINUED)
HORRIBLE (cont’d) TELL EVERYONE GOOD-BYE IT’S A BRAND NEW DAY
REPORTERS IT’S THE PERFECT STORY MALE REPORTER SO THEY SAY FEMALE REPORTER A HERO LEADING THE WAY
. FEMALE REPORTER It’s a good day to be homeless.. HE’S CLEANIN’ UP THE STREETS. Street & Lab) FEMALE REPORTER Looks like we’re finding out what a true hero is MALE REPORTER The mayor himself will be on hand to dedicate the new homeless shelter and unveil the statue of Captain Hammer. POLITICAL. CAPTAIN HAMMER Thanks to ME.V. WE CAN OPEN BY MONDAY THANKS TO YOU.
ACT III Multiple (T. it certainly is.21. MALE REPORTER Ahaha. MOVER #2 About time. GROUPIE #1 SO THEY SAY IT’S REAL LOVE GROUPIES SO ROMANTIC GROUPIE #3 HE SIGNED THIS. "Perfect Story" MOVER #1 SO THEY SAY CAPTAIN HAMMER’S BECOME A CRUSADER. PENNY SO THEY SAY WE’LL HAVE BLANKETS AND BEDS.
GROUPIES WE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER. HORRIBLE Not for me anyway. CAPTAIN HAMMER THIS IS SO NICE I JUST MIGHT SLEEP WITH THE SAME GIRL TWICE THEY SAY IT’S BETTER THE SECOND TIME THEY SAY YOU GET TO DO THE WEIRD STUFF GROUPIES WE DO THE WEIRD STUFF PENNY THIS IS PERFECT FOR ME SO THEY SAY I GUESS HE’S PRETTY OK AFTER YEARS OF STORMY SAILING HAVE I FINALLY FOUND THE BAY? MOIST He’s still not picking up. GROUPIE #3 THIS IS HIS HAIR.
REPORTERS HAMMER’S CALL TO GLORY FEMALE REPORTER LETS ALL BE OUR BEST MALE REPORTER Next up. PENNY SHOULD I STOP PRETENDING
. HORRIBLE & PENNY THERE’S NO HAPPY ENDING SO THEY SAY DR.CONTINUED:
22. GROUPIE #1 THEY SAY SHE WORKS WITH THE HOMELESS. who’s gay? GROUPIE #2 SO THEY SAY HE SAVED HER LIFE. DR. AND DOESN’T EAT MEAT.
HORRIBLE (STOP PRETENDING) TAKE THE CHANCE TO BUILD A BRAND NEW DAY? PENNY (OR IS THIS A BRAND NEW DAY?) GROUPIE #3 THIS IS HIS DRY-CLEANING BILL GROUPIES FOUR SWEATER-VESTS.. "I hate the homeless. long term girlfriend Penny (wave your hand Penny) There she is. but nice. Town Hall MAYOR And in just a few minutes we’ll unveil the statue of the man himself. AND SHE ALWAYS GETS A TREAT SO YOU WONDER WHAT YOUR PART IS CAUSE YOU’RE HOMELESS AND DEPRESSED BUT HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS SO YOUR REAL HOME’S IN YOUR CHEST EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY EVERYONE’S GOT VILLAINS THEY MUST FACE (MORE) (CONTINUED)
. Thank you Mayor for those kind words.. Anyway. she turned me on to this whole homeless. Justice has a name. Everyone should have the basic. CAPTAIN HAMMER Thank you. "-ness problem that plagues our city...CONTINUED:
23. Not my usual.. your hero. When I fell DEEPLY in love with my serious. Thank you. Thank you. I’m not the only one who’s fighting. nerdy thing. Ladies and Gentlemen. I’m not the only hero in the room tonight... and the name it has (besides justice) is Captain Hammer.. which is terrible.
DR. thing. "Everyone’s a Hero" IT MAY NOT FEEL TOO CLASSY BEGGING JUST TO EAT BUT YOU KNOW WHO DOES THAT? LASSIE. and I realized. Cute huh? Sort of a quiet. " You know what? I don’t need tiny cue cards.
THEY’RE NOT AS COOL AS MINE BUT FOLKS YOU KNOW IT’S FINE TO KNOW YOUR PLACE EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY IN THEIR OWN. WE TOTALLY HAD SEX SHE SHOWED ME THERE’S SO MANY DIFFERENT MUSCLES I CAN FLEX THERE’S THE DELTOIDS OF COMPASSION THERE’S THE ABS OF BEING KIND IT’S NOT ENOUGH TO BASH IN HEADS YOU’VE GOT TO BASH IN MINDS EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY EVERYONE’S GOT SOMETHIN’ THEY CAN DO GET UP. ALCOHOLIC BUMS EVERYBODY! EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY CHORUS (WE’RE HEROES TOO) CAPTAIN HAMMER EVERYONE CAN BLAZE A HERO’S TRAIL CHORUS (WE’RE JUST LIKE YOU) CAPTAIN HAMMER DON’T WORRY IF IT’S HARD IF YOU’RE NOT A FRIGGIN’ TARD YOU WILL PREVAIL CHORUS (AHHH AHH AHH OOOOOO) CAPTAIN HAMMER EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
. GO OUT AND FLY ESPECIALLY THAT GUY HE SMELLS LIKE POO EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY YOU AND YOU AND MOSTLY ME AND YOU I’M POVERTY’S NEW SHERIFF AND I’M BASHING IN THE SLUMS A HERO DOESN’T CARE IF YOU’RE A BUNCH OF SCARY. NOT THAT HEROIC WAY SO I THANK MY GIRLFRIEND PENNY YEAH.CONTINUED:
CHORUS (WE’RE HEROES TOO) CAPTAIN HAMMER EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEI. "Slipping" DR. HORRIBLE LOOK AT THESE PEOPLE AMAZING HOW SHEEP’LL SHOW UP FOR THE SLAUGHTER NO ONE CONDEMNING YOU LINED UP LIKE LEMMINGS YOU LED TO THE WATER WHY CAN’T THEY SEE WHAT I SEE WHY CAN’T THEY HEAR THE LIES? MAYBE THE FEE’S TOO PRICEY FOR THEM TO REALIZE YOUR DISGUISE IS SLIPPING I THINK YOU’RE SLIPPING NOW THAT YOUR SAVIOR’S AS STILL AS THE GRAVE YOU’RE BEGINNING TO FEAR ME LIKE CAVEMEN FEAR THUNDER I STILL HAVE TO WONDER CAN YOU REALLY HEAR ME? I BRING YOU PAIN THE KIND YOU CAN’T SUFFER QUIETLY FIRE UP YOUR BRAIN REMIND YOU INSIDE YOU’RE RIOTING SOCIETY IS SLIPPING EVERYTHING’S SLIPPING AWAY SOO GO AHEAD RUN AWAY SAY IT WAS HORRIBLE SPREAD THE WORD TELL A FRIEND TELL THEM THE TALE GET A PIC DO A BLOG HERO’S ARE OVER WITH LOOK AT HIM NOT A WORD HAMMER MEET NAIL (MORE) (CONTINUED)
CAPTAIN HAMMER WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY! A Death-Ray? Looks like Dr.. HORRIBLE Don’t. Oh mommy! Someone maternal. CAPTAIN HAMMER I don’t have time for your warnings... I think this is what pain feels like.CONTINUED:
26. but in Hell. Right. Awww ahhhhh I’m in pain. or whoever has his job.. HORRIBLE (cont’d) THEN I WIN THEN I GET EVERYTHING I EVER ALL THE CASH ALL THE FAME AND SOCIAL CHANGE ANARCHY THAT I RUN IT’S DR. it’s two "R’s" H-O-R-R. HORRIBLE’S TURN YOU PEOPLE ALL HAVE TO LEARN THIS WORLD IS GOING TO BURN BURN Yeah. Get outta my way! I gotta get out!
.. You give my regards to Saint Peter. BURN NO SIGN OF PENNY GOOD I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING NOT TO HAVE HER SEE IT’S GONNA BE BLOODY HEAD UP BILLY BUDDY THERE’S NO TIME FOR MERCY HERE GOES NO MERCY That’s not a good sound. Horrible’s moving up.
DR.. Let’s see if this one works any better than your others. DR.
In my heart and it hurts inside... why’d you kill her? Dr. Horrible.CONTINUED:
27. Why’d you do it Dr. HORRIBLE Penny. we’ll. hold on. PENNY It’s ok. DR. It’s ok. over here.
. Horrible? DR. PENNY Are you all right? DR. Horrible.... Oh no no no no no.) DR.) DR. HORRIBLE Penny?!? "Everything You Ever (Finale)" PRESS Dr. Horrible. was this all part of your plan? Dr. HORRIBLE AND I AM FINE CAPTAIN HAMMER Right here. HORRIBLE Hold on.. Captain Hammer will save us. HORRIBLE HERE LIES EVERYTHING THE WORLD I WANTED AT MY FEET MY VICTORY’S COMPLETE SO HAIL TO THE KING CHORUS (EVERYTHING YOU EVER... HORRIBLE ARISE AND SING SO YOUR WORLD’S BENIGN SO YOU THINK JUSTICE HAS A VOICE AND WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE WELL NOW YOUR WORLD IS MINE CHORUS (EVERYTHING YOU EVER..
DR. HORRIBLE Penny! Penny? oh PENNY Billy? Is that you? DR..
DR. TO MAKE TO MAKE
NIGHTMARE’S REAL HORRIBLE IS HERE YOU QUAKE WITH FEAR THE WHOLE WORLD KNEEL
CHORUS EVERYTHING YOU EVER..CONTINUED:
28. HORRIBLE AND I WON’T FEEL Blog # 5 A thing..
. HORRIBLE NOW THE NOW DR. DR.