STEFAN and JENNY stand before Drake in a living room. DRAKE This is weird! STEFAN It's not that weird. RETURN TO SCENE There's a film crew filming Drake, Stefan, and Jenny. Drake points at the film crew. DRAKE Who are they? JENNY Who are who? DRAKE The guys with the film equipment. STEFAN I don't know what you're talking about. Drake walks over to the DIRECTOR and slaps him. DIRECTOR Stop it! You're ruining the scene. Drake walks back over to Jenny and Stefan. DRAKE Can you seriously not see them? INT. LIVING ROOM

Two OLD WOMEN are watching A Mystification of Subterfuge on TV.

OLD WOMAN 1 This show is getting too weird for me. OLD WOMAN 2 Shut up ya old bitch! OLD WOMAN 1 I honestly thought the show was getting back on track after Stefan cloned Jenny's baby just so he could blackmail the egyptian gods into destroying the aliens that were pretending to be celtic gods but now their breaking the fourth wall like it's nobody's business. OLD WOMAN 2 Quit your whining! I have a feeling things are gonna get mighty exciting. INT. LIVING ROOM 2

The TV displays the two old women watching TV. The SOUND of people fighting in a another room. PERSON 1 (O. S.) I told you not to interrupt my stories. The SOUND of plates being smashed against the walls. PERSON 2 (O. S.) This has been a long time coming. We finish this here and now. If you survive you can walk away and you'll never be bothered by us again. The SOUND of a police siren. PERSON 2 (O. S.) Uh oh. Gotta go. Person 2 runs by the TV.

The SOUND of the front door opening and slamming shut. PERSON 1 (O. S.) That's right! You better run! INT. LIVING ROOM 3

The TV displays the previous empty living room. A MAN sits in front of the TV. MAN What the hell is going on? (pauses) This is the last time I watch a TV show written by crack addicts. The man changes the channel. The TV displays an image of a monitor on the set of A Mystification of Subterfuge. The monitor displays Stefan, Jenny, and Drake. INT - SET OF MYSTIFICATION OF SUBTERFUGE - DAY DRAKE I think we just exploded the fourth wall. SUDDENLY TERRORISTS fill the room and grab Stefan, Jenny, and Drake. DRAKE What's going on? JENNY It's the terrorists. STEFAN They pop up every couple of weeks. JENNY Last time they blew up my cousin's wedding. The terrorists knock them out.


Alan sits on the little table. BABA YAGA appears behind the chair. BABA YAGA Hello, Alan. ALAN Are you Baba Yaga? BABA YAGA I am. ALAN Indrid said you'd be coming by soon. BABA YAGA I'm very happy that you've decided to join us in our war against the humans. Baba Yaga walks around to the front of the chair. ALAN What's my role in all of this? Baba Yaga sits on the chair. BABA YAGA You'll mostly work in intelligence gathering but a time will come when you'll be on the front lines with the rest of us. ALAN I'll have to fight? BABA YAGA You don't think of yourself as a fighter, Alan? ALAN Not really.

BABA YAGA You are a great warrior and you'll feel it when you're thrust into battle. ALAN That just doesn't seem right. I mean I'm a shoe box. It's gonna look weird. BABA YAGA You need to start thinking outside the box. ALAN Oh, I see what you just did there. BABA YAGA Sometimes I can be quite clever. ALAN So are you the leader of the Anders? BABA YAGA No. ALAN Then who is? BABA YAGA His name is Baal. ALAN Am I gonna meet him? BABA YAGA Eventually. Baba Yaga stands up. BABA YAGA I'm needed elsewhere. Baba Yaga walks into the shadows and disappears.

ALAN Okay bye... INT - SET OF MYSTIFICATION OF SUBTERFUGE - DAY Drake, Stefan, and Jenny are tied up and laying on the floor. Stefan and Jenny are awake. The five terrorists are pointing guns at them. Drake wakes up. DRAKE What kind of soap opera is this? TERRORIST Tell us where the cloning machine plans are. JENNY We destroyed them! TERRORIST Liar! DRAKE Okay, listen guys. I just wanted to know my destiny. I honestly think this show sucks and the less time I spend in it the better. TERRORIST Liar! DRAKE Hey Mr. Director! Can you help us out here? The director nods his head and two crew members untie them. Drake quickly jumps up and grabs one of the guns away from the terrorists. DRAKE Take this! Drake throws the gun at the first terrorist, knocking him out. The terrorists all drop their guns and throw their hands in the air. TERRORISTS We give up.

Drake turns to the SCREENWRITER. DRAKE Your script sucks. The terrorists escape out the front door. DRAKE Okay Stefan. What's up with my destiny? STEFAN You were turned into a back up for the chosen one. DRAKE Who's the chosen one? STEFAN His name is Smolder and he was given special powers by a mysterious group of beings who want him to defeat the forces of evil. DRAKE That sounds made up. STEFAN Some of them foresaw his failure and they decided to use you as a safety net. If he falls you will take his place. That's also the reason why you were brought back from the dead. They need you to be around in case Smolder fails. DRAKE So I can't die? STEFAN Yep. DRAKE Why can't they just bring him back

if he dies or something? STEFAN They didn't program that into him because they thought it was a sure thing. It wasn't until later that some of them starting doubting his success so they programed that into you from the start. I guess it's some pretty complicated crap. DRAKE How do you know all of this? STEFAN Ask the screenwriter. Drake turns to the screenwriter. DRAKE What's with your characters suffering from exposition mouth? SCREENWRITER Go to hell! DRAKE You seriously suck dude. Drake looks into the film camera. DRAKE So do I climb into this to get back to my world or something. STEFAN I think you just need to head home. DRAKE Seriously? Okay. Drake opens the door. DRAKE

I'll hopefully see you guys never. Drake leaves. DIRECTOR This was too weird for me. I'm gonna go back to directing TV commercials that never get aired. INT - THE SEQUENTIAL DETECTIVE AGENCY - NIGHT Smolder and Scullery are sitting at the desk. SMOLDER I feel so useless. SCULLERY Did you try locating Alan with your thingamajig? SMOLDER Yeah. It doesn't seem to work on him.

SCULLERY That's inconvenient. The phone RINGS. Smolder answers the phone. SMOLDER (into phone) Hello. FREYA (O. S.) (from phone) Is this Smolder? SMOLDER (into phone) It sure is.

FREYA (O. S.) (from phone) I'm Freya... Smolder covers the mouthpiece. SMOLDER Do we know a Freya? SCULLERY Ah... yeah. She's that seal stuffed animal that Alan seemed to be hitting it off with. Smolder uncovers the mouthpiece. SMOLDER (into phone) Hey Freya! What's up? FREYA (O. S.) (from phone) I'm calling about Alan. Smolder looks Scullery in the eyes. SMOLDER (into phone) Do you know where Alan is? FREYA (O. S.) (from phone) No but I talked with him recently and I'm concerned. SMOLDER (into phone) What did he say? FREYA (O. S.) (from phone) It's not really what he said that I'm concerned about. It's how he seemed. I'm afraid he's flirting with the dark side.

SMOLDER (into phone) Flirting like a friend in high school or flirting like an adult at a singles bar. FREYA (O. S.) (from phone) The latter. SMOLDER (into phone) Oh no! FREYA (O. S.) (from phone) I'm not really sure what happened between you guys and Alan but I thought you should know about this. SMOLDER (into phone) Thank you. Smolder hangs the phone up. SCULLERY What'd she say? SMOLDER It sounds like our little jedi is becoming a sith. SCULLERY I've never seen Star Wars so I don't know what that means. SMOLDER It means he's becoming evil. SCULLERY No!

The door opens and Drake stands in the doorway. DRAKE You guys are never gonna guess where I just came from. FADE OUT: THE END