When Snow White and the seven cynics met Goldilocks and the three 'bare'-able truths

'Doubtful', 'Spiteful', 'Dreary', 'Fearful', 'Angry', 'Delay' and 'Delay'-cynic were enjoying another of Snow whites delicious home dinners when Snow white suddenly shouted "Let's go fruit picking in the forest. With some lovely apples we can make a most beautiful dessert!" "Why bother" said dreary-cynic "on such a cold, ugly, grey day". "The forest is terrifying" said Dreadful-cynic. "You're always so gutless" said Angry to Dreadful. "Better gutless than half-cocked, waiting to go off" said spiteful, pressing Angry's buttons (secretly jealous of angry's level of self-initiative). "We'll not find enough fruit for all of us" said doubtful. "Let's get drunk instead" said delay-cynic. "We'll need axes" said disturbed-cynic (he said this in response to everything). "We'll definitely find enough fruit for all", said Snow White re-assuringly. "Come on, I know just the place to look". Meanwhile Goldilocks and the three bareable truths were fishing at the small river out the back of the apple plantation. The fish weren't biting that day. "If we fish too often there are no fish left to catch; if we fish too rarely we're not around when there are plenty", said paradox-bare. "Catching fish is like an old turtle swimming. It's not how often you swim but for how long." said metaphor-bare. "We sit here patiently, waiting with a piece of string with a hook on the end, hoping to pull a fish out of the water and eat it. But if we fell into the water and drowned, the fish would feed on us, without even having to wait" said irony-bare getting tired. Returning to their apple plantation they discovered their apples being looted by Snow white and her cynics. Goldilocks and crew fly into action to defend their crop. They were outnumbered. Delay-cynic ran from the fight saying "I'll fight you tomorrow". Doubtful-cynic, who was a 4th Dan in black-belt karate, watched the melee from behind a tree because he couldn't decide whether he could beat metaphor. With one hit metaphor-bare put dreary out of his misery. Irony-bare tried to grab fearful-cynic but was too slow; Fearful had already drowned in his own panic.

Doubtful and spiteful-cynic looked at paradox-bare and metaphor-bare. They decided paradox and metaphor-bare were clearly very different to the cynics. But Irony-bare was more similar in appearance to the cynics then to the bare-able truths, so doubtful and spiteful tried to talk Irony-bare into swapping sides and becoming a cynic. They started with a test. In unison they called out his name. "Irony, surely you must agree that the glass over there is half-empty" they said, pointing to a 50% full, 50% empty glass of apple juice goldilocks and snow white were fighting over. Irony's response was quick. "The glass isn't half empty or full. Optimism amd pessmism are political rhetoric, not perspectives. Even if there are seven cynicisms and only three bareable truths the fact remains that pessimism and optimism are both petty crimes; both are forms of rationalisation. Half full or half empty it is 'spin' either way. Reality is not a glass, a reason or an excuse. Habit is the only half measure. If you see, you have chosen to be above choice, to judge bliss, to bless being. The 'true' is cynically optimistic and optimistically cynical; it is outside the glass”. And so the "cynics" traded apples and the "bares" traded fish and goldilocks and snow white relinquished power. No longer imprisoned as leaders or followers, everyone lived in fear and expectation, and the world kept turning.

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