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www.fitlads.net September – November 2008 | Issue No.

2 | FREE

The Ultimate Guide


To Meeting!

Interview with Horror Goddess WIN Blackpool


A holiday in

Olga Fedori TIPS on being


a successful gay
IGLFA WORLD male stripper!
CHAMPIONSHIP
2008
Fitlads
centrefold
pullout...
4
What a total abortion of a summer it has been! IGLFA WORLD 10
Poor Fitlads was subject to some rather nasty CHAMPIONSHIP 2008 REX
electronic attacks at the hands of a jealous WO CKNER TIONAL!
wannabe competitor. A month down the line, WIN Blackpool A holiday in TAK ERNA
ES IT INT

I'm debating sending him a very large box of HOW TO DO Keith Anderson
BLACKPOOL Interview
chocks! Rather than see our demise, he's 16 FOR FIFTY QUID
18
inadvertently strengthened our IT systems and
THE 20
better still, increased the loyalty of our Top Ten
members.
TWINKLE Gay Movies
ZONE
So a big THANK YOU guys for sticking with us 22
Fitlads
through 'that c**t of a month'. IN

BOX
centrefold
There's loads of footy in this issue, to pullout...
24 NEWS ‘n’ BITS FOR FITLADS

celebrate Fitlads having sponsored the Gay 26


28
World Cup in London last month - an event TIPS on being 29
which saw hundreds of players get together a successful gay
from all over the world to fight it out. Better male stripper! FORUMS
still, England can finally say they've won the
Interview with Horror Goddess

##
World Cup again. Even if the pooves have to 31
do it for them! Olga Fedori
I hope you enjoy this second issue - it's been a 30
Sista #
blast writing it. If you want to get in on the 32 Hotbitch
action, then drop an email to mag@fitlads.net
KIDNAPPEIDNC. 33

Joe Hill
Editor Fitlads Quickie

BITES34
36

Published bi-monthly by Fitlads grab some poles...


David and Joe Ltd
ISSN 1757-5516 (Print)
Address: 12D Timber Bush,
ARRGH,
Edinburgh EH6 6QH shiver me 38
Editor: Joseph Hill
0131 510 5100 www.fitlads.net timber!
Thanks to Michael for proofreading id:born2make 37
© Copyright 2008, David and Joe Ltd.

Disclaimer: Fitlads The Mag is published by David and Joe Ltd. All right reserved.
The views expressed in Fitlads The Mag are those of its contributors and 40
GLBTin India
not necessarily shared by the company.

44
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Guide To Meeting!

Useless Fact: Ralph Lauren's real name is Ralph Lifshitz. 3


IGL FA W OR LD
CHAM PIO NSHIP 2008
Fitlads.net proud
sponsors of

ed host to the
At the end of August, London play
Football
annual International Gay & Lesbian
From its humble
Association (IGLFA) World Cup.
Games in San
beginnings as part of the 1982 Gay
wn markedly in
Francisco, this competition has gro
’s Leftfooters FC
the last ten years. This year London
host to more than
and Hackney Women FC, played
Clubs came from as
30 teams from around the globe.
Mexico, Japan and
far a field as Australia, Argentina,
ents from Europe
South Africa. With healthy conting
e British presence
and North America to add to a larg
alone), this was
(10 Clubs in the men’s competition
had been
the first time that all the continents
represented at the competition.

r 4 days at
The group games were played ove
finals being played
London’s Regents Park with the
. The teams were
at Leyton Orient FC in East London
formally of West
presented to Sir Trevor Brooking
Director of Football
Ham and England, and now the
Development.
utes left took the Stockholm Snipers (USA)
A dramatic equalizer with only min
teams. With knock SAF GAY Argentina (Argentina)
competition with 4 groups of 5/6 game to penalty kicks. Again Leic
ester found
Men’s Division 1 s there were some London Titans FC (England)*
out stages for the last 16 onward themselves 3-1 down in the shoot,
only for the
round robin andic Side St Leftfooters FC (England)**
The open competition featured a thrilling matches. Dublin beat Icel Leicester’s keeper Gary Taylor to
make a superb save.
d London’s newall 2nd string Hotscots FC (Scotland)
qualifying format, and as expecte Styrmir 3-2 after extra time and Sto Stonewall would miss their next
two penalties as
ised through to the petition favourites Leicester Wildecats (England)
Stonewall Football Club Lions cru (Apprentices), who were the com Leicester held their nerve to win
the shoot out.
Argentina. The UK inst their 3rd String Sydney Rangers (Australia)
Semi-Finals along with SAF Gay had an uncomfortable outing aga ers and Hackney
Semi-Finals when a time before Great credit should go to Leftfoot Dublin Devils (Ireland)
had a second team through to the (Wreckers) who forced them to extr tournament. The
it through it 3rd h came as Women who put on an excellent New York Ramblers (USA)
London’s Falcons FC also made losing 2-0. The most dramatic finis DC next June
ing the line up. competition moves to Washington GFC Bournemouth (England)
place with Japan Samurai complet Yorkshire Terriers defeated Hotsco
ts FC from
es 2010, which is to
r the game before being included in Gay Gam DC Feds (USA)
Stonewall made short work of thei
r Japanese Edinburgh 4-2 on penalty kicks afte
be in Cologne. St Styrmir (Iceland)
winners in the first finished 1-1.
opponents, running out easy 10-0 *2 Teams)
lost to the Men’s Clubs (** 3 Teams Birmingham Blaze (England)
Semi. Falcons, who had narrowly Yorkshire would go no further as
Stonewall ublic)
up game, fancied Stonewall FC (England)** Friends from Prague (Czech Rep
Argentineans in an absorbing gro lst Sydney Rangers
progressed to the Semis 4-0, whi TRI Gay Mexico (Mexico)
. However, three ’s Titans FC team Falcons FC (England)
turning the tables in the re-match easily defeated Prague 7-0. London
midway through the Toronto Titans (Canada) Hogtown Nasty Pigs (Canada)
goals in the space of 15 minutes ico 3-2 whilst
1 narrowly lost out to TRI Gay Mex Yorkshire Terriers (England)
comfortable half ind to beat Japan Samurai (Japan)
first half gave the Argentineans a Leicester Wildecats came from beh
lly ran out 4-1 Florida Storm (USA) Pan Fodbold (Denmark)
time advantage and they eventua Dublin 2-1.
Some ideas to get started...
winners.
Argentine side Los
The Semi finals were tightly contest
ed. Sydney
CAPTION COMPETITION mandatory rectum
• Alright everyone... time for thesay
Stonewall has lost in the final to e part of the game
Rangers lead Stonewall for a larg aaah"
having beaten SAF told and they ran examination... bend over and
Dogos in Buenos Aires last year before being Stonewall’s pressure w how to play foot
Gay in the Quarter Final. They swi
ftly set about i Final Leicester left • Well lads, since we don’t knoben
out 4-1 winners. In the other Sem ball, we need another tactic.
d over and
Iain Drain game to score their winner
ensuring there would be no repeat. it until the last kick of injury time show em what we've got
never seriously r knees , balls
them an early lead and they were in a tense 2-1 victory over the Mex
icans.
• I wanna see ya touching you
Gay Argentina 5-0. to take one for
threatened as they outplayed SAF the final as they had between your legs and ready
ugh the Leicester had done well to reach
Stonewall succeeded in getting thro es (including an 8-1 the team
lost their opening two group gam easy to spot
competition without conceding a
goal, which had
defeat by Sydney) but having qua
lified 3rd they had • As Brian Mcfadden would say. It's
never been done before. tion went on. the gay one?
grown in confidence as the competi ages
• This line is going to take us fucking
fitlads.net
Email your suggestions to editor@
in the Final, they
Men’s Division 2 Twice in front against Stonewall to snort
Division 2 few minutes to play.
There was a different format for the found themselves 3-2 with only a
Census won't count
R EX
...I’m
back! married gays
The U.S. government will not count married gay couples in the 2010 census,
the San Jose Mercury News reported July 12.

WO K
C K N ER Extremists
attack
Sofia pride
Instead, same-sex couples who accurately report that they are married will
have their response tabulated by the Census Bureau as if they had checked
"unmarried partners."
Same-sex marriage is legal in California and Massachusetts. In addition, New
TAKES IT
INTERNATIONAL! ’60 arrested
Yorkers who marry in those states or abroad are recognized as married in New
York state.
The Mercury News said the Census Bureau's decision was based on the
Arnorld Schwarzenegger More than 60 skinheads and
other extremists were
arrested for attacking the 150
federal Defence of Marriage Act (DOMA) "and other mandates."
DOMA, signed into law by President Bill Clinton in 1996, states, in part: "In

denounces effort to marchers in the first gay


pride parade in Sofia,
Bulgaria, June 28.
determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, or of any ruling, regulation,
or interpretation of the various administrative bureaus and agencies of the
United States, the word 'marriage' means only a legal union between one man

re-ban same-sex marriage They threw bottles, rocks,


eggs, firecrackers, smoke
bombs and Molotov cocktails
and one woman as husband and wife, and the word 'spouse' refers only to a
person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife."
Gary Gates of the Williams Institute, a think tank at the University of California
California Gov. Arnold then later on the Supreme at the marchers. No one was
injured, thanks to the Los Angeles law school, told the newspaper that the bureau's decision "goes
Schwarzenegger has strongly Court of the United States
presence of as many police against everything the census stands for."
denounced the attempt to followed, I think 10 or 12
officers as there were "It's a systematic hiding not only of married gay couples, but gay couples as
amend the California years later. So I think it is, it's
marchers.
Constitution to good that California lead -- is families, which I would argue is a fundamentally political decision," Gates said.
re-ban same-sex marriage. Among those arrested was
leading in this way."

U.S. Senate votes


Bulgarian National Alliance
The state Supreme Court "I personally believe that leader Boyan Rassate. The
legalized same-sex marriage marriage should be between alliance had plastered Sofia
May 15 and the weddings
began on June 16.
a man and a woman," the
governor added. "But at the
with anti-pride posters
saying, "Be Intolerant, Be
to repeal HIV
travel/ immigration
Normal."
Appearing on TV's Meet The same time
I think that my, you know, The parade, organized by the
Press on June 29,
belief, I don't want to force on gay group Gemini, began at
Schwarzenegger was asked:
anyone else, so I think we
the Lovers' Bridge behind the
The U.S. Senate President George W. simply bad public
"You have a lot of National Palace of Culture, Bush, who is eager to health policy," said
propositions on the ballot should stay with the decision
proceeded down busy Evlogi voted 80-16 on see PEPFAR re-funded. Rachel Tiven, executive
of the Supreme Court and
again this fall. One of them
move forward. There are so
Georgiev Boulevard, and July 16 to repeal "We applaud the Senate director of Immigration
would mean a constitutional ended at the Red House
many other more important Center for Culture and the nation's ban for rejecting this unjust Equality. "It is especially
ban on gay marriages. Do harmful to gay and
you support that?" issues that we have to Debate on Lyuben Karavelov on HIV-positive and sweeping policy
Street. that deems HIV-positive lesbian families, who do
"No, not at all,"
address in California. So I foreign visitors not benefit from the
individuals inadmissible
Calm down lads Schwarzenegger replied. "As
think to spend any time on
this initiative I think is a waste
In Paris, meanwhile, half a
million people turned out for
and immigrants. to the United States," waiver available to
- It’s only a mike! a matter of fact,
of time." the pride parade June 28, Sens. John Kerry, D- said Human Rights opposite-sex couples.
I think the Supreme Court including openly gay Mayor Mass., and Gordon Campaign President The Senate's change is
It was not the first time Bertrand Delanoë. A big welcome, and long
made a decision there. It was Smith, R-Ore., secured Joe Solmonese. "We
Schwarzenegger had dance party followed at the overdue."
apparently unconstitutional to a provision to repeal the call on the leaders of
Czech pride attacked, 20 injured stop anyone from getting denounced the proposed
amendment, but it was the
Place de la Bastille.
ban in the Senate's the House and Senate PEPFAR will send $48
married. It's like 1948, the It rained on Berlin's parade legislation to to retain the Kerry-Smith billion to Africa over the
The Czech Republic's first gay pride parade, held in the first time he has done June 28, but tens of
city of Brno, came under attack from extremist and neo-
interracial marriage, when the reauthorize PEPFAR, provision in conference next five years to fight
so on national television. thousands of people showed
Nazi protesters June 28 and at least 20 of the 500 Supreme Court of California the President's and ensure it is AIDS, malaria and
up anyhow. The parade
marchers were injured. has, you know, decided it
began, for the first time, in
Emergency Plan for included in the final tuberculosis. Sen.
was unconstitutional and the former East Berlin, then AIDS Relief. legislation sent to the Joseph Biden, D-Del.,
The 150 counterdemonstra-tors threw tear gas, fireworks
and eggs at the marchers. traversed the boulevard Unter The measure now president's desk." called the bill "the single
den Linden to its destination - most significant thing
I’ll be back...
Police and neo-Nazis clashed for about 45 minutes at
moves to a House- "The HIV ban is
- the Victory Column in the the president has done."
the parade's endpoint. About 15 of the troublemakers Senate conference ineffective,
former West Berlin.
were arrested. committee, then goes to unnecessary, and

10 Useless Fact: What is called a "French kiss" in the English speaking world is known as an "English kiss" in France. Useless Fact: It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA. 11
"I despise the abuse of the

Jesse Helms is dead word 'gay.' They are not gay;


they are repulsive."
"(Homosexuality is) deliberate,
Budapest
The former U.S. senator
from North Carolina –
Congress' most
disgusting, revolting conduct."
"I'm not going to comment on
(activist Larry) Kramer.
Gay Bar
vociferous homophobe
Remember, he and that ACT
ever -- passed away
July 4 at the Mayview
Convalescent Center in
UP put a giant condom on
my house."
Torched!
Raleigh. He was 86. "I don't hate homosexuals.
I don't even know any Someone firebombed the Budapest gay into a bar with people in it is attempted murder. We
Among numerous other
homosexuals." bar Action on June 27 after first phoning to are afraid that the police (are sending) a message
outrages, Helms was
responsible for the U.S. ban "There is a great big odor
be sure there were patrons present and to that serious crimes against LGBT people will be
rising from the manner in announce his plan. tolerated."
on HIV-positive foreign
visitors and immigrants, which Congress is falling all The curtains in the bar's front room quickly went up A few hours before the attack, an anti-gay Web site
which remains in force to over itself to do what the in flames but were doused by a patron with a fire published the addresses of gay businesses in the
this day. homosexual lobby is almost extinguisher. No one was injured. city and suggested attacking them.
hysterically demanding."
A search of this reporter's A second attack occurred July 2 at the gay
Several gay and gay-friendly organizations have
archives found he had written "Homosexuals and lesbians bathhouse Magnum. Four gas bombs were tossed
denounced the police for investigating the incident
164 stories about Helms for are disgusting people,
as one of "vandalism" rather than "attempted into the building. The fires were doused with fire
gay newspapers since 1985. marching in our streets
murder." extinguishers.
demanding all sorts of things,
A few quotes from the late
including the right to marry "Vandalism is when you spray paint on a wall," said "We are doubtful if the police are really protecting
senator:
each other." Gábor Kuszing of the Association of People the gay establishments as they promised," Kuszing
Challenging Patriarchy. "Throwing a petrol bomb said.

Obama opposes California Sweden


marriage amendment Christians makes it
Democratic I support extending fully So, his congratulating gay In fact, Arizona does not have
easier for
presidential
candidate Barack
equal rights and benefits to
same sex couples under both
state and federal law. That is
couples on getting married
and his opposing efforts to
limit gay couples to civil
a constitutional amendment
against same-sex marriage --
the ban is just an ordinary
boycott gay Iranians
Obama has come
McDonald's
why I support repealing the unions seem to mark a law -- although a proposed
out in opposition to Defence of Marriage Act and
the 'Don't Ask Don't Tell'
change in his position. At
least that's how many anti-
amendment will be on the
ballot Nov. 4. to stay
the California ballot
The American Family
policy, and the passage of gay activists interpreted the McCain's statement drew a
measure that would laws to protect LGBT letter. rebuke from the GLBT group
Association called a boycott
amend the state Americans from hate crimes Some gay activists, on the Log Cabin Republicans. Sweden's Migration At minimum, "We have
and employment
constitution to undo other hand, wondered if Board ruled June 28 documented brutal
of McDonald's on July 3.
discrimination. And that is "His position on this
Obama wants to have his
the state Supreme why I oppose the divisive and cake and eat it too,
amendment hurts gay and
that Iranian gays who floggings imposed by
lesbian families," said
Court's legalization discriminatory efforts to depending on whom he's fast-
of same-sex amend the California talking to.
President Patrick Sammon.
The organization is upset that the seek asylum in Sweden courts as punishment,
"We ... do not believe he al Gay
food giant has joined the Nation
Constitution, and similar will get it if they were and torture and ill-
marriage. efforts to amend the U.S. Republican presidential should have interjected
erce,
Gay couples have been able Constitution or those of other candidate John McCain himself into this state issue. and Lesbian Chamber of Comm ever out of the closet treatment, including
given it money, and put one of its
states. supports the push to amend Supporting this amendment while living in Iran. sexual abuse, in police
to marry since June 16.
the California Constitution. is inconsistent with Sen.
.
executives on the group's board
In a letter to San Francisco's "I want to congratulate all of McCain's belief in federalism. custody," Human Rights
you who have shown your "I support the efforts of the Such individuals are at
Alice B. Toklas Lesbian Gay Backing California's ban
love for each other by getting people of California to risk of persecution if Watch has said.
The AFA says its nearly 3 million
Bisexual Transgender sends the wrong signal to the
married these last few recognize marriage as a
Democratic Club, posted on independents who will decide ney at returned to Iran, the "The legal machinery of
supporters don't want to spend mo
weeks," Obama added. unique institution between a
the club's Web site July 1, this election because it
man and a woman, just as we
ote the board said. persecution is oiled,
establishments that actively "prom
Obama said: "I am proud to Obama has said repeatedly creates the impression that
did in my home state of
join with and support the in recent months that he he's pandering to social ready and operating in
LGBT community in an effort believes marriage is between
Arizona," McCain said June
26. "I do not believe judges conservative leaders." homosexual agenda, including Iran has the death
Iran," said Scott Long,
to set our nation on a course
that recognizes LGBT
a man and a woman, and that should be making these homosexual marriage." penalty on the books for
he supports civil unions, but decisions." head of the group's
Americans with full equality not marriage, for same-sex
sodomy.
under the law. That is why couples. LGBT Rights Program.

12 Useless Fact: An office desk has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet. Useless Fact: It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA. 13
300 gay cops, staffers
march in Manchester
In the largest such grouping ever,
300 gay and lesbian police officers and
staffers marched in the gay pride parade
in Manchester, England, Aug. 23.
The cops came from 16 there's never been
police forces around the anything like it in the
United Kingdom. world."
"I am totally overwhelmed Meanwhile, England's
with the response we most southwesterly
have had this year," Sgt. county, Cornwall, saw
Julie Barnes-Frank, its first gay pride parade
coordinator of Greater Aug. 23 in the city of
Manchester Police's Truro.
Lesbian and Gay Staff Some 600 people
Affiliation, told the Press marched and the Gay
Association. "Each year Police Association flag
our presence gets flew from the Truro
bigger and bigger and Police Station.
this year it is true to say

ly publi cly gay ma n a t Olympics


On
wins gold medal T A H EA D L INE
HAVE I GO L O L
!

:-D
In so doing, Matthew
Mitcham of Australia
"Coming out publicly, that
was a first," said
(U.S., soccer), Lauren
Lappin (U.S.,
FOR YO U – LO L !!
recorded the highest- Mitcham's mother, Vivien. softball), Victoria "Vickan"
scoring dive in Olympic "The highest score Svensson (Sweden,
history. awarded to an Olympic soccer), Rennae Stubbs
dive ever, another first. (Australia, tennis) and
"I think it's something to Linda Bresonik (Germany,
beat next time," Mitcham, How many more firsts can soccer). Outsports also
20, told the Sydney this child get?" took note of openly
Morning Herald afterward. bisexual U.S. softball
"Everything, absolutely Mitcham came out in a player Vicky Galindo.
everything, has been May interview with the
for this. I knew it was a far Herald. Hammerseng, Nyberg and
chance but I did Kai also took home gold
everything, absolutely Of the 10,500 athletes who medals.
everything I could, to give competed in the Olympics,
myself the best chance of only 10 were publicly gay, Lappin and Galindo won
The only publicly doing it. It's actually according to silver medals and
gay man happened. I never thought Outsports.com. Bresonik snagged a
it would." bronze.
participating in the The other nine were
Beijing Olympics Mitcham's partner, Lachlan lesbians: Judith Arndt
won agold medal Fletcher, attended the (Germany, cycling), Imke
Olympics on a grant from Duplitzer (Germany,
in 10-meter Johnson & Johnson's fencing), couple Gro
platform diving Athlete Family Support Hammerseng and Katja
Program. Nyberg (Norway,
Aug. 22. handball), Natasha Kai

14 Useless Fact: A kiss for one minute can burn 26 calories. Useless
Useless Fact:
Fact: xxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxx XX
XX
AC K POOL
O DO B L
HOW T TY QUID
FOR FIF
The writing is on the wall – we are now perfect warm up for clubbing at The Flamingo later on.
The Flying Handbag bursts with acts, strippers and drinks
officially in a depression. But don't get promotions. Brandy Babycham will keep you going
depressed just yet. There are still ways to through until 2-am with her bubbly personality and a mix
paint the town red in Blackpool for £50! of top tunes. Entry is £2, inclusive of a 2-4-1 voucher for
The Flamingo Nightclub! FInd The Flying Handbag at 44
Blackpool is full of firsts: the biggest vomit Queen Street.
rollercoasters, colossal clubs and even the biggest mirror
ball in the world. Though £50 is not a fortune, it's End the night in the most iconic feature in Blackpool --
enough to open up a Vegas-style experience that will The Flamingo Nightclub. The Flamingo has been around
give you world-class shows, cosmopolitan restaurants, since the eighties, and is now based at Queen Street right
vibrant nightlife and breathtaking scenery. next door to The Flying Handbag. The club has seen
appearances such as Danni Minogue! There are always
For a full night out in Blackpool, start your evening off at special offers and some big names performances. Theres
Pepe's. Open daily from midday, Pepe's has a light- a podium for dancing, fire eating, stilt walking
hearted mixture of camp, strippers and 'mad happenings'. extravaganza – to end the night on a massive high!
Entry is free. There're always loads of drinks promotions Find The Flamingo on 44 Queen Street.
on premium spirit and postmix: £2.00, draught £1.75 per
pint! It's a great place to begin your drinking session after Enjoy! Hyan – Fitlads
doing the tourist thing. Find Pepe's on 94 Talbot Road.
After a thorough warmup at Pepe's, you might want to
head cross to Taboo. This very popular and gay-friendly
venue packs on various themes throughout the week
ranging from bingo, karaoke and cabaret. Taboo also has
WIN Blackpool A holiday in

The Two's Company holiday flats in Blackpool


a running drinks promotions. Entry is £2. Find Taboo at 96 have kindly offered a 5 day holiday to one of
Talbot Road. our lucky readers.
If you're still looking for some camp fun, it's a good bet that
Two's Company offer holiday flats in Blackpool at
Miss Roxy Hart of Roxy's Bar will drive things up a notch. reasonable prices - you can contact them on
Here you get the the best food and atmosphere with the
best classic and party songs and stage performances and
01253 296509
If you'd like to join them on Monday 15th to Friday
class drag. Drinks are a premium doubles at £2.20 and 19th December then just enter our competition!
staff get involved in the acts too! Find Roxy's at 23 Queen
Street, 2 minute's walk from Talbot. Q. How tall is the
Blackpool tower?
If you're still slightly coherent, head to Funny Girls. As the
name suggests, Funny Girls is a very gay-friendly and Answers:
FITLADS A - 261 ft
colourful venue. Shows start at 8:30 and the grand finale
FITLADS B - 398 ft
at 23:30. Tables may prove a bit expensive for the FITLADS C - 518 ft
average gay punter who usually favours a standing ticket
Text FITLADS and then your
for £3.00 on weekdays; £6.00 on Saturdays. Find Funny answer to 60060.
Girls at 5 Dickson Road. For example, to vote for A,
In my opinion, from here the only place worth going to is text FITLADS A to 60060.
Texts costs 50p.
The Flying Handbag, literally around the corner. This is Competition closes 5th Nov 2008
the place to go for the Saturday night floor fillers, and a
16 Useless Fact: A 13-year-old boy in India produced winged beetles in his urine after hatching the eggs in his body.
Keith Anderson

Taken by member id: scott


is an out and proud alternative
folk-rock musician based
in London and is Fitlads
musician of the moment.
Here he talks to Fitlads A.L. Harper about
his new EP Foxes, Arne Friedrich’s balls
and rugby player Ben Cohen’s smile.

Fitlads: You're just about to release your new EP Foxes. Fitlads: What is your most annoying trait?
In 25 words or less describe the music on it. K: I have a tendency to correct people's grammar, which
K: A collection of conversations with myself and others, set kind of derails conversation a bit.
to the strumming and rhythm of the world outside my flat.
Fitlads: Which footballer’s balls would you most like to kick
Fitlads: How long did it take you to write and record? around?
K: The sessions took place over about six months. There K: Arne Friedrich (if he talks to me in German it ups his
were other songs recorded for an album and I took a few, hotness), or Fredrik Ljungberg. From the world of rugby, Ben
which felt like a collection, just to keep people up-to-date Cohen. Ben Cohen is my number one actually, he has a
with where I was musically. lovely smile.
Fitlads: Foxes is just 5 songs; do you have a full album Fitlads: Do you prefer rugby players or footballers?
planned? K: Rugby.
K: Yeah, I've been really rejuvenated musically lately and the
Fitlads: What famous musician would you most like to
album is going to cram in a lot of different musical styles.
spend a few hours on a tour bus with?
There is a 50s rock ‘n’ roll song, an 80s synth-type song, and a
K: If it were as a fly on the wall I'd have to say Diana Ross
rock-a-billy song; as well as all the boy-and-a-guitar type tunes.
- I hear she can go from zero to bitch and back again in two
Fitlads: Do you think being gay has held you back in the seconds. I'd quite like to witness that.
music industry?
K: It's a hard call. If I wasn't gay I wouldn't have had the
You can hear some of the tracks from Foxes
experiences that I have, and so I wouldn't be making the
music that I am making, or talking about the things that I'm at K.Anderson’s MySpace space
talking about. It would be a whole other artist you were (www.myspace.com/kandersonmusic).
talking to. Having said that, I do think that people tend to
You can catch K.Anderson on his latest UK tour

R
take a bit longer to 'get' what I'm doing. There is a bit more
at the following locations:

U
of a precedent for gay female singers doing the folky type
thing, there are still only a few boys doing it.

O
SEP 14 2008 15 MINUTE CLUB – PROHIBITION
ST KATS DOCKS, LONDON

T
Fitlads: Do you have a boyfriend now?
K: I'm not so great at relationships. I feel stifled easily. SEP 25 2008 LADYBOIS FUNDRAISER,
SATAN’S HOLLOW, MANCHESTER
Fitlads: So you're on the lookout?
OCT 1 2008 BLUE CAT CAFE, STOCKPORT
K: With winter on the way, I'm kind of getting that look in my eyes.
OCT 10 2008 SONGSMITH – THE MAYORS ARMS,
Fitlads: What qualities do you like most in a guy?
BRISTOL
K: I like someone who is a bit rough and tumble, is up for
anything. Will kick my arse if I get in a mood and gets my sense OCT 15 2008 THE LATEST MUSIC BAR,
of humour. I like to have separate lives too, so it's important that BRIGHTON
I'm with someone who is off doing their own thing.

18 Useless Fact: Approximately 75% of human poop is made of water. Useless Fact: Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand. 19
1 Saddam Hussein starred in a gay porn film. In April 2003, Yahoo,

THE that bastion of impartial news reporting, carried the Weekly World
News article about Saddam chomping tube-steak with a side
order of soured creme to gurgle -- in front of the camera!

TWINKLE 2 Jesus portrayed as a fag in up-and-coming film. This bit of


inspired propaganda got over a million bleeding heart Christians
to sign a petition to stop the production. Of course, if any of these
bible-totin' morons had more than two brain cells to rub together,

ZONE they would have discovered that it was all complete bollocks.
Then again, it's easy to swallow a story about a long-haired hippy
in a skirt who lives in a cave with 12 other gays. Isn't it?
3 Bert and Ernie are live-in lovers. Though it's a bit odd that two
cuddly blokes could sleep in the same room without being
Though I get a devilish tempted to nail each others in the fluff, it does give a new
meaning to the term 'Open Sesame'. Interestingly enough,
pleasure in eavesdropping on according to the Daily Mirror in North Carolina, Rev. Joseph
Chambers tried to get Bert and Ernie banned under an anti-gay
conversations in public places, law in Louisiana. My guess is it isn't just Bert and Ernie that have
a hand up their arses.
I'm often amazed at the level of 4 Ellen Degenerates Catastrophes. The ever enlightened
televangelist Pat Robertson raged on CBN's The 700 Club at the
brain-rot people actually believe in Academy of Arts and Sciences for selecting Ellen Degeneres for
hosting the 2005 Academy Awards. Foaming at the mouth, he
– urban legends, logical fallacies, barked that this Hollywood lesbian had 'invited God's wrath' in the
form of Hurricane Katrina and that it wasn't surprising that God
and just plain weird notions had struck down Miss Degeneres' hometown. He also pointed
out that the last time Ellen hosted the Emmys, terrorists attacked
that have no defining category. the twin towers. I seriously wonder if Ellen also caused the 2004

Here's a short list of really weird


Tsunami by flushing her toilet.
5 Hold Sway. The Philippine police issued a warning to gay officers
gay urban legends that pass as fact not to sway their hips or risk losing their jobs! But not to worry, the
police department states that it does 'not discriminate against
with the dim-witted and gullible. homosexuals.' That's reassuring. I'm sure next they'll substitute
truncheons for water pistol. Whoops, that won't do either: long
things that squirt water at the end.
Hyan – Fitlads

Weird Sex Laws


No man is allowed to make No couple, even if they are In Nevada sex without a In Lebanon, men are legally
love to his wife with the smell married, may sleep together condom is considered illegal. allowed to have sex with
of garlic, onions, or sardines in the nude. Nor may they animals, but the animals must
An ordinance in Newcastle,
on his breath in Alexandria, have sex unless they are be female. Having sexual
Wyoming, specifically bans
Minnesota. If his wife so wearing one of these clean, relations with a male animal is
couples from having sex while
requests, law mandates that white cotton nightshirts. punishable by death. (Like
standing inside a store's walk-in
he must brush his teeth. Any couple making out inside a THAT makes sense.)
meat freezer!
Clinton, Oklahoma has a law vehicle, and accidentally In Bahrain, a male doctor may
In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for
against masturbating while sounding the horn during their legally examine a woman's
a woman to strip off her
watching two people having lustful act, may be taken to jail genitals, but is prohibited from
clothing while standing in
sex in a car. according to a Liberty Corner, looking directly at them during
front of a man's picture.
In Connorsville, Wisconsin New Jersey law. examination. He may only see
The only legal sexual position in
no man shall shoot off a gun In Los Angeles, California, a their reflection in a mirror.
Washington D.C. is missionary.
while his female partner is man is legally entitled to beat The penalty for masturbation
having a sexual orgasm. his wife with a leather belt or In Willowdale, Oregon no man
in Indonesia is decapitation.
strap, but the belt can't be may curse while having sex
A law in Fairbanks, Alaska Topless saleswomen are legal
wider than 2 inches, unless with his wife.
does not allow moose to have in Liverpool, England - but only
sex on city streets. he has his wife's consent to In the state of Washington there
in tropical fish stores. (But of
beat her with a wider strap. is a law against having sex with
In Florida it is illegal for course!)
Consent should be given a virgin under any
single, divorced, or widowed In Cali, Colombia, a woman
prior to the event, as is circumstances. (Including the
women to parachute on may only have sex with her
carefully stipulated. wedding night).
Sunday afternoons. husband, and the first time
In Michigan, a woman isn't
The owner of every hotel in this happens, her mother
allowed to cut her own hair
Hastings, Nebraska, is required must be in the room to
without her husband's
to provide each guest with a witness the act.
permission.
clean and pressed nightshirt.

20 Useless Fact: Impotence is grounds for divorce in 26 U.S. states. Useless Fact: There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day. 21
Top Ten
Top 10 Gay
GayMovies
Movies
10 Jeffrey 4 Maurice
This hilarious tongue-in-cheek movie is about a Based on the novel by E.M. Forster, Maurice tells
man dealing with his fear of intimacy, commitment the story of homosexual love in Edwardian
and AIDS. Jeffrey swears off sex just before England, and follows the love affair between
meeting the man of his dreams. What follows is a Carry On- Maurice and Alec. After a long monogamous, primarily chaste
esque rom-com that is tender and entertaining, particularly if relationship at university with Clive (played by a very young
you like kitsch. Hugh Grant), an uptight man deeply in denial, Maurice meets
Alec; a beautiful, young gamekeeper on a friend’s estate. This
9 Boys Don’t Cry film is a wonderful love story to be enjoyed in the arms of your
Based on one of the most heinous hate crimes in favourite hunk.
modern US history, Boys Don’t Cry, is the Academy
award winning independent film about the last few 3 Philadelphia
months of transsexual Brandon Teena’s life. Inspired by the true story Geoffrey Bowers. A New
Murdered in Lincoln, Nebraska because he was born a woman, York man sues his former employer for breeching
Teena was subjected to bulling, terrorising and a violent rape his civil rights, after being dismissed because he
before he was shot along with several of his friends. Hilary had AIDS. However the story is more about the
Swank won the Oscar for her performance as Brandon Teena. relationship of the main characters, the gay AIDS infected man
Andrew Beckett (played by Tom Hanks) and his homophobic
8 My Own Private Idaho personal injury lawyer Joe Miller (played by Denzel
This critically acclaimed film charts the life of two Washington). While on the surface the story is about
rent-boys, played to perfection by Keanu Reeves Beckett’s wrongful dismissal, the underlying and more
and the late River Phoenix – in what would turn powerful theme is acceptance by Miller of Beckett as a
out to be his magnum opus. Mike (Phoenix) and man worth fighting for.
Scott (Reeves) are hustling their way across the US and
eventually to Italy, with Mike looking for family and Scott 2 Bent
running away from family. It is widely believed that Phoenix After living a decadent life in 1930s Berlin, Max
became addicted to drugs while filming My Own Private Idaho, (Clive Owen) is arrested by the Gestapo and sent
which would eventually lead to his untimely death. to Dachau. Believing that he will fare better in a
concentration camp if the Nazis believe he is
7 The Adventures of Priscilla, Jewish rather than gay Max lies, so as not to be assigned the
Queen Of the Desert pink triangle that denotes homosexuality, saying he is Jewish
This camp classic about two men and a transsexual and is forced to prove he isn’t gay by fucking a dead girl. It is
woman (all drag queens) travelling through the in the concentration camp that Max meets openly gay Horst
Australian outback, in a bus called Priscilla, Queen (Lothaire Bluteau). The star-crossed lovers strike up a
of the Desert, is deceptive in its flippancy. What is, on the friendship/love affair that would never end well. Think a gay
surface a fun and frolicsome story of three outrageous Schindler’s List, without the list.
characters, is really the story of three hollow and frail individuals
looking for love and acceptance, in all the wrong places.

6 C.R.A.Z.Y. 1 Brokeback Mountain


Easily one of the most widely
Coming of age in the 1970s wasn’t easy for any known and watched gay themed films of
gay man, but Zac Beaulieu was also the fifth son all time. A story of the love that grows
of a French-Canadian catholic. C.R.A.Z.Y. is an between two cowboys – played ever so
exploration of love of all sorts, but mainly the love of convincingly by Heath Ledger (Ennis del
a father for his sons and the love of a son for his father. It’s Mar) and Jake Gyllanhall (Jack Twist) –
also a tale of a boy/man learning to accept himself and

Chat, meet and play at


the film follows them through their
eventually being accepted by the people he loves most. clandestine relationship spanning 20
years from 1963 to 1983. Both married
5 Beautiful Thing to women, they meet-up every few
This beautiful urban fairytale is more than just months to go “fishing” but it’s not enough for Twist who
your usual coming-to-terms fare. Beautiful Thing urges del Mar to runaway with him. Ennis resists fearing
is the sober story of two young lads growing up homophobic retribution from within the cowboy
on an inner city council estate in South East community. However he eventually realises what he feels
London. This film challenges many stereotypes, pushing the is real love but too late as Jack has died tragically. The
boundaries of what many people think a gay man should act first time a Hollywood blockbuster has treated
like, dress like, and come from. Think gay in the hood. homosexuality as normal and acceptable.

A.L. Harper – Fitlads


22 Useless Fact: The condom was originally made of linen and was invented in the early 1500's.
Chat, meet and play at

XX Useless Fact: xxxxxxx Useless Fact: xxxxxxxxxx XX


inbox@fitlads.net Naughty
IN GAY DRIVER. Weird

BOX NEWS ‘n’ BITS FOR FITLADS


By A.L. Harper – Fitlads
Nazi
sex-romps
seem
profitable
FIApresident Max Mosely
has been awarded
An enlightened Italian judge has taken steps to drag Italy out of the primordial ooze this
month, when he declared that being gay cannot be considered a mental illness.
26 year old Danilo Giuffrida had to re-sit his driver’s test because the Italian transport
ministry felt that his "sexual identity disturbance" (ie he’s a cock-jockey) was a mental
illness and suspended his license. Eventually the breeders at the drivers license division
grudgingly allowed him to drive again but rather than renewing his license for the normal
ten years they granted him a disabled license, which must be renewed yearly. Afterall you
never know when a rectum romeo will spontaneously suck cock or mount his gear shift
(that knob can be ever so tempting).
“It's the old assumption” says Aurelio Mancuso, president of the Italy’s main gay rights
wanking
tips – No2

group Arcigay, “that if one is homosexual, then he is also psychologically disturbed”.


£60,000 in damages from Not surprisingly it’s the Italian military who grassed him up. When Giuffrida was called up
the News of the World for Italy’s mandatory year of military service in 2000, he told doctors at the physical that BEAT TO
he was a homosexual, hoping to get out of the service so he could continue working to
after the High Court ruled support his family – obviously a trouble maker. It was an over-eager, homophobic officer THE CLOCK
against the tabloid. The who sent the paperwork to the motor vehicle office reporting Giuffrida’s “mental disorder”. After you have masturbated
The Sicilian judge awarded Mr Giuffrida 100,000 Euros (£79,919) because Mr Giuffrida’s for a good, leisurely long
High Court’s ruled that constitutional rights had been breached and the transport and defence ministries had time (with many stops and
the paper had breached showed “evident sexual discrimination”. Looks like it’s time for Italy to wake-up from their starts!), set some kind of
long social hibernation – about time too. timer, alarm clock, or
Mr Mosley’s privacy when
Mr Giuffrida said that he would use some of the money to buy a new car. So if you’re digital watch to go off in
it published details of driving through Italy this summer, watch-out for a driver with a cock in his mouth! 10 minutes – and don't let

e s
Mosely’s now infamous

a m
yourself ejaculate until the

B a d B a b y N
sex-romp with hookers in timer goes off. You should
also have a digital clock in
a Nazi-themed, sado-
the room to note the time.
masochistic sex session. (This can be the same
clock as the one with the
Mr Justice Eady said that alarm, as long as it doesn't
Mosley had a right to display seconds – you
A nine-year-old girl has been Shelter (good for a quickie), Tracky Bottoms or Cookies
want to know the time to
expect privacy for any taken into care by a New or Midnight Chardonnay (a and Cream (for twins). Or if
Zealand judge to enable her good laugh after a bottle of the minute, but not down
Is Lewis Hamilton Most recently Hamilton was stripped of his win in consensual sexual
you’re one of those who want
to change her name. Tulula wine). to go with the trend of to the second.) Refrain
really F1’s newest Belgium after chicane cutting, taking the lead off
activities no matter how Does The Hula From Hawaii, naming children after where from looking at the clock
driving god? Yes, Strange baby names are
championship rival Kimi Raikkonen. Although the had refused to tell her friends they were conceived you for the first few minutes.
becoming more and more the
his tight arse and Englishman gave the Finn back his lead, he was “unconventional". Nazi her name, going by simply could always try – Tied To
in thing, with celebrity after As the ejaculation time
GQ good looks are “K”, has now had her name The Bed With A Ball Gag In
still given a 25-second penalty knocking him uniforms and naughty changed.
celebrity doing it. Take draws near, occasionally
enough to make Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris My Mouth, One I Didn’t
back from 1st to 3rd place. Didn’t Schumacher prison guards doesn’t In his ruling judge Rob Murfitt Knock Out While Wanking, or glance at it – but don't
any rectum romeo Martin’s first child Apple
do very similar things in a certain red car just a attacked the culture of giving Martin (sounds like a In The Alley Behind The Pub. stare. When there's one
sweat like a paedo sound unconventional,
few years ago? Maybe Hamilton’s car just isn’t your children unusual names dessert), or Jordan’s minute left on the clock,
in a playground, just an average weekend citing several that officials daughter with Peter Andre,
red enough for the FIA’s liking, or perhaps this is you'll go crazy with
but is his driving had blocked including: Twisty Princess Tiaamii; and of
up to task? another desperate attempt by the FIA to keep the for any fascist leader. Poi; Keenan Got Lucy; Sex course you couldn’t have a Youthful Tip: anticipation because the
Fruit; Fat Boy; Yeah Detroit alarm could ring at any
Although up till F1 Championship alive to the end of the season. discussion about wacked-out Keep your face
and Fish and Chips (for baby names without talking second. Try to hover right
now Hamilton has
twins). about Bob Geldof’s children,
young and firm on the edge so you can
only really proved Nikki Lauda has been openly critical of
Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches by giving a orgasm immediately when
that he can win Hamilton’s past error-riddled performances, But it’s the list of names that
have been allowed that is
Honeyblossom Michelle blow job. The the alarm rings. It will
from the front, his comparing Hamilton to the legendary Ayrton Charlotte Angel Vanessa, BJ workout
truly hilarious and horrifying seem like an eternity!
victories in Senna. “He gave an outstanding performance Little Pixie and Heavenly
by turns. If you ever visit New
Hiraani Tiger-Lily – bad uses 34 It's especially good if the
Germany and (in Germany)” the former F1 champ said. Zealand look out for Violence
naming gone mad there. different facial
Britain are (probably don’t want to meet alarm has a fairly long
“If he continues like this, he will be So in the spirit of unusual muscles, and
him in a dark alley), the twins ringing cycle. If it
showing the true unbeatable.” Of course that was before he names I would like to suggest
Benson and Hedges (could
a few other names you might
on average, jizz continues to ring as you
potential of F1’s came second in Valencia, missing out to be a fun spit-roast in the
like to consider – Chavtastic is only 15 begin ejaculating, it will
leading hotty. making), Number 16 Bus
Felipe Massa. Burberry, Tighty Whities, calories a shot. heighten the sense of
urgency and tension relief.
26 Useless Fact: Tug of War was an Olympic event between 1900 and 1920. Useless Fact: In New York City, approximately 1,600 people are bitten by other humans annually. 27
TIPS on being FORUMS Send all your top
gay stories
to id:dustylake

a successful gay
on Fitlads.net

Fitlads member id: dustylake

male stripper!
Brings us his two top gay stories that have been doing the
rounds on the net and gets some feedback from the Fitlads forum.
weeks on Bent Brains
It’s been a busy few
the Fitlads forum. A recent medical survey is claiming that gay people have
similar shaped brains to straight women, and that lesbians
Firstly, lets not forget our shameful performance at the have similar shaped brains to straight men.
Eurovision song contest, we knew we wouldn‘t win but boy
did we loose. I sincerely hope that we choose to stay in the "It proves that people are born gay," says id:meltyfox "But
competition - personally, the worse we do the more fun I have there are a few things to think about."
1 Make sure you have an audience!! If you don’t have watching it. Bring it on! "What about bisexuals? Also, if in the future you can scan your
an audience then you aren’t a stripper, you are a lad baby's brain to see if it is gay, then won't people start
who likes to take his clothes off to music! Then there was uproar when Irish MP Iris Robinson boasted
on BBC radio that she like to refer gays to a psychiatrist to be "screening" their unborn foetuses?"
2 Make sure you have a big cock!! Yes really! If you ‘healed’ from their shocking disorder- the fitlads forum didn’t "Gay culling! Nooo!"
don’t then when you take your kegs off, people will have many nice things to say about that and many of you But not everyone believed that the research proved anything,
laugh at you!! Male strippers HAVE TO have big signed the official Downing Street petition to get her sacked. "It does not prove that people are born gay.” thinks id: helmet.
cocks! On a positive note, there were many posts of congratulations “It is still conceivable that an individual is born straight but the
3 Be nice looking with a nice body!! BUT the bigger at the news that Paul O’Grady and Russell T Davis (Dr Who, influences of the environment cause their brain to change
your cock the less nice looking you have to be and Queer as Folk) were to be honoured in the aptly named during their process of growing up.”
the less of a nice body you need! Queens Birthday Honours List.
"All that the research proves is that grown-up gays' brains are
4 Like your audience!!! OR at least pretend you do! If Bash the Bishop like grown-up women's brains. It says nothing about how the
brains of grown-up gays were like when these guys were
you are on stage in front of 500 queens and you look
like you would rather be swallowing dog shit then children or babies."
There was outcry amongst members of the Church of
they will sense this and you won’t work in that venue England this month with the news that two gay priests took So is it nature or nurture? This month the final say goes to id:
again!! AND word will get around! part in a ‘marriage ceremony’ in a London Church. maesglasboi:
5 Be prepared to be touched up! It will happen! They The Archbishops of York and Canterbury spoke of their "Couldn’t give a fuck to be honest, why question what you are
aren’t allowed to but believe me it will happen! disappointment at the service and a whole heap of gay when you can just live life and have fun :P "
Arguing the point to the promoter after someone as rights groups and Christian traditionalists have spoken Couldn’t agree with you more id: measgladboi.
touched you up is gonna end in two words ‘WHAT about the controversial ‘wedding’.
EVER!’ But what do the guys on the fitlads forum have to say? id:
6 DO NOT sleep with a club promoter until you have nyrangerfan1 thinks: "It's ridiculous how the media plays
the Archbishop of York, (I think that's the guy who has the The place for scally lads
your money in your hand!! If you do then I guarantee
you won’t get paid the full amount! The promoter will
gap in between his front two teeth) as some kind of hero, and their admirers.
think that having his cock in your mouth is part "He cut up his dog collar on air and we were told to think
payment enough!! that it was some act of humanity because he sympathised
with the plight of the Zimbabweans... while at the same
7 If you are working a straight venue then for time, he's so outwardly homophobic...
goodness sakes pretend you are straight!! Straight
"give me a tutu over these hypocrites any day…"
women want to think they have a chance with the
fella stripping and if they know the fella is gay then it id: transcendence takes a different view, "The bishops
will piss them off! Unlike gay men who think any represent their communities"
man is fair game! "Not that many gay people integrate themselves into the
Anglican church and the vast majority of congregations in
8 Being a decent dancer is a good idea but once
developing countries are likely to be homophobic
again, the bigger your cock the less you have to rely (unsurprisingly, if they've read the Bible), so the bishops

9
on your dancing skills!
DO NOT put baby oil all over your cock and expect
are only doing their jobs.
"If they are their firmly held opinions then I don't see what
Hang out and meet
someone to suck you off!! Although we all know
someone who’ll do it but on the whole keep your
cock oil free!
they're doing wrong by representing them."
The Archbishop of Canterbury has been praised since
taking over the role for his liberal stance on such issues.
local lads. Join for FREE
Chat • Meet • Play
10 When you are fully naked MAKE SURE that most of Though I think it would be extremely unfair to call him
your audience see you naked otherwise the ones homophobic, it was a shame that he did not use what
happened as an opportunity to further gay rights for in
that don’t will start putting the word around that you
was crap only cos they didn’t see your cock! You the Church. .net
know how bitter some queens can be!

28 Useless Fact: Every day, the average person swallows about a quart of snot. Useless Fact: The Olympics were originally held for the Greek god Zeus. 29
Interview with Horror Goddess # Sista # Hotbitch
##

Olga Fedori
With the recent Brit horror hit Mum and Dad
Fitlads.net id: hotbitc
h84

#
Sohail's ID on Fitlads.net is the ONE and ONLY id:hotbitch84.
Sohail is 24 and a crazy, fun loving kind of guy. He loves hanging out with
mates down Soho, making videos (not dirty ones, you bastards!) and being
a LEAST APPROPRIATE 'agony aunt' for our magazine.
So take it away 'Sista Hotbitch'
#
(dir. Steven Shiel), Olga Fedori is fast becoming
an acting tour-de-force. Behind her deceivingly # My boyfriend wants
wide-eyed looks, lurks a piercing ferocity that a threesome with
my older brother.
promises wrath and fury unleashed. In an
unusually canny, generous and friendly interview Dear Different Strokes.
in Edinburgh, Olga shared with me the trials and Hey Sista, My granddad Your boyfriend is clearly
devoted to you. He can't
tribulations of acting in Eastenders to landing a recently passed away, and
get enough of you, so he
I can't get over his death.
part in the up-and-coming classic remake of the What do I need to do to get goes for the next best
Wolfman with Hollywood director Joe Johnson. over something traumatic? thing - your brother. This
will bring all of the family
Priscilla John, and under the speed-of-light directions Dear Emo. Any psychologist will together. Why not get
from Mark Romanek, who was originally directing it, was tell you that the best thing to do some male cousins
a roller-coaster. When my boyfriend
with a trauma is to confront it a la involved as well? If you
What are the differences and challenges of gropes me, he
Norman Bates. Dig him up, stuff are still apprehensive, just
acting in Eastenders, compared to Mum and struggles to find
him, keep him in the attic, and let him go with your
Dad and Wolfman? my cock.
begin what will quickly blossom brother and relatives
Dealing with 6-week old babies in Eastenders was the into a healthy and fulfilling

#
Dear Nobhead. Having a instead.
first one; swallowing bloody teeth in Mum and Dad the relationship. Keep body stroking
mushroom penis has to be
second; and with only two days training, almost killing

#
painful and humiliating. I would to a minimum as limbs don't hot
half of the cast and producers driving a rickety horse
cart at full speed! leave your boyfriend out of it. glue so well. It's also not too late
Though you are recently 'new' to the Videotape yourselves jerking off, to get a refund on that stairlift.
Where does the name Olga Fedori come from?
international scene, what advice would you then sell it at your local bootsale. Once a year, take him out, beat
It's a half of my actual last name, which is
give someone wanting to break into acting? Trust me, there are lots of lads him off to dust him. Bar that, you
Fedorishcheva. It's a Russian/Ukrainian last name, which
my papa graciously let me cut it. Wow, just watched an interview where Johnny Depp out there into distorted, eeky, are well on your way to becoming

#
answering the same question, so I don't feel particularly gnome-like nobs. If nothing else, a well-adjusted individual.
You gave brilliant performances in Eastenders.
qualified! Someone give me GURU! The only thing that you'll meet other crips who'll join
But prior to that, what acting gigs did you do?
keeps me happy is doing EXACTLY what I want. That's you in a circle jerk around a
Thank you! Enders was my third job in the UK. My first all the advise I can give.
gig was on the film So Christian Youth (not yet released) Jacobs Cream cracker.
Will you stay in the horror genre, or are you

Share it - MMS
by Stephen Parsons, where I play a religious fanatic. looking for new challenges?
You've just snatched a fantastically rude picture of your boyfriend on your mobile.
Then came along that wonderfully insane episode of
Ha, I haven't thought about it this way. Well, I think a
What do you do with it then? I say share it! Now you can upload them directly to
Skins, (big thanks to Ben Schiffer for writing it) which
was pure fun, comedy and action! Before that, I was in good old blond surfer movie is way overdue. Also, I am

your profiles! The picture will appear in your Fitlads gallery within ten minutes!
theater, in Cambridge, Boston, and NYC. I feel very looking forward to doing a fairytale. Tell you a secret:
the very next one is not horror :)
lucky to have worked on a few productions with maestro
Jay Scheib, my mentor and simply a creative genius. If you could step back in time, what film in the
last 120 years of cinema would you have liked
With your recent success at the EIFF with Mum
to star in? And why?
and Dad, what was the most disturbing thing
you had to do during shooting? Hmm? That's seriously cruel. I have at least 10 films
each year. Plus, I am not a fan of choosing: one ought to
Wake up at 5am and going to sleep at 12am. The most have it all.
normal things start to seem very disturbing after a few
weeks of that. What's next?
Who knows! I would like to play a vampire-superhero
You'll need to find your security code, visit "my profile" then "upload
How did you hear about the part - and get the
along the lines of Hancock. That makes Batman gone
by mms". Make a note of this, then, whenever you snap something you want other guys to
part - for the remake Wolfman?
Charlie's angel, doesn't it?

see, MMS the picture to 0786 205 220, with the words FITLADS and your security code in
My agent sent me to audition for a different film which I
When the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is
the message body. Any problems? Message admin.
didn't get, but got Wolfman instead! But seriously,
bright, keep an out for the much-anticipated remake of
Wolfman was one of the most memorable rounds of
the Wolfman, due out April 2009.
auditions so far. Improvising with casting director Hyan – Fitlads
30 Useless Fact: One billion seconds is about 32 years. Useless Fact: One gallon of used motor oil can ruin approximately one million gallons of fresh water. 31
KIDNAPPEIDNC. ‘ARFF’
ATING LIFE
the
IMIT
CRAFTSMAN Richard J Cann joined ARTIST GUILLERMO VARGAS was
serve and has nearly blocked from representing
Army in 2002. He continues to Costa Rica in the multi-cultural art
By Hyan Fitlads
dal (Northern
of American and UK viewers received the General Service Me Bienal Centroamericana exhibit in
These days, you eration Telic).
can get anything with
to be regurgitated back as Jason, a carpenter in his ‘The kidnap Ireland) and the Iraq Medal (Op Honduras 2008 due to his
social phenomena. Kidnap early 30s, has gone through controversial art exhibit. Pressure
a credit card. A life-size
'victim' agrees When I joined the army,
army at exactly the same groups had a bone to pick with him
chic has arrived and with it a the kidnap experience three
a time-frame for time. I remember presenting about his exhibition featuring a stray
rubber fuck-me doll; I didn't know it had become
hefty price tag and a long times already. 'I just wanted to
his abduction, but a copy to the press officer. dog confined to a bare art gallery
legal. I did see it as, 'if I join
someone to trample on waiting list. see if it was possible for me Somebody heard us talking, floor with no bedding, food or water
the thrill really the army then nobody will
your bits; and now this to be in a situation like that.' and it quickly spread around – until it starved to death!
comes in not think I'm gay .'
Taste for this weird fear squadron. Friends that didn't
bizarre new trend in knowing when or For my first operational tour
candy range from the quick Psychotherapist Sheena know were asking me, and Vargas wanted to highlight that the dog was untied and
New York and the UK grab and gag scenario to the Hankin believes that we '...are where the the battalion's area of I said, 'Well, yeah. Actually people's hypocrisy by making free to wonder the gallery
where for a few grand, responsibility was around I am.' an apparently sick and ill-fed except for the three hours the
Guanatamo Bay incarceration built for it. It gives us a sense kidnappers will
Basra. One day I definitely dog the centre of attention exhibition was on. It was fed
a company will arrange in a dank dungeon for a few of satisfaction and strike.’ Coming back off the break
I won't forget was "Sardar when it was presented as an regularly with dog food that
to violently kidnapped days and nights with barely accomplishment.' She has was actually the first instance art exhibit, even though many Habacuc himself brought in.
Saturday,' 8th of May, 2004.
enough water or food to live also shown an interest in and given to the 'victim' as a of coming up against any of them would ignore the So where's the mongrel?
you in broad day light, We were awoken by a same dog if they encountered
on, mixed with psychological going through the kidnap sort of souvenir, either to get resistance to my sexuality. Well, not rotting under floor
whisk you away, duct barrage of mortar fire from it roaming the streets. boards or turning in the
their jollies off, or to analyze I walked into my room and it
warfare and beatings. scenario herself. Hopefully the local militia. We didn't Bienal Centroamericana in window of an Kabab shop.
tapped, insulted, had been trashed. Absolutely
stuffing her in a bag and whatever psychological kicks have any early warning Honduras 2008 has apparently It apparently ran away one
confused and scared, Opinions are divided though everything everywhere.
beating the shit out of her they might extracted from the systems. Nine times out invited Vargas to repeat the night after opening hours.
as to the real value of such a I found something that made exhibition, this time with a Vargas himself refused to
and make you with sticks will buck up her experience.
of ten the first warning would
service. Working on the knife it clear it was a targeted different pooch. comment on the fate of the
disappear for up to ideas as to whether or not
During an interview with The be hearing a bloody great attack. A stupid note, stating And as you would expect, dog, but noted that no visitor
edge of fiction and truth, had tried to free the dog, give
a few days. she really is 'built for it'. bang in the middle of the that this person didn't like the Animal rights activists and
there has surprisingly not Guardian's Brian Logan, Brock bleeding hearts groups have it food, call the police, or do
compound. fact that I was gay. I ripped gone apeshit. A petition anything for it.
been any cases of outraged There is a danger that the Enright claimed that his
A number of gun battles were the note up and put it in the linked to dozens of blogs was In an interview with El Tiempo,
Though 29 year-old Brock New Yorkers intervening in a Police will become desensitize kidnaps 'expose the grotesque
fought, and the sniper bin. You know, I'm made of signed in hopes of banning Vargas also explained that he
Enright's company Video and kidnap scenario on Manhattan, to kidnapping calls and loose perversions found in advanced Vergas from exhibiting the was inspired by the death of
section were mobilised to a stronger stuff.
Adventure Services was despite the fact that many are the 'golden hour' that could capitalism', yet he's happy to hotdog display. The groups Natividad Canda, an indigent
building inside the perimeter I am a serving British soldier sincerely believed the scraggy Nicaraguan addict, who was
founded in 2002, it was just a carried out on city streets in save a child's life. profit from his clients.
of the Ba'ath party who just happens to be gay mutt was exploited, starved killed by two Rottweilers in
question of time before the broad daylight.
On the other hand, it could However, Brock admits that compound. I went up and sat and it is literally seen as that. and murdered. Bienal Cartago Province, Costa Rica,
iconography of men in with the snipers for 17 hours It's testament to the
Centroamericana in while being filmed by the
The kidnap 'victim' agrees a also be possible for someone the service is beginning get Honduras has received over news media in the presence
orange overalls from that day. With the Army, no professionalism of soldiers
time-frame for his abduction, to engineer a kidnapping for out of hand and is becoming four million signatures. of police, firefighters, and
Guantanamo Bay or the matter what trade you are, today. Go back 20 years, security guards. No petition
but the thrill really comes in someone they hate and too violent. One has to wonder The story of torment, torture
Jihad videos of American you are a soldier first. I suspect it would have been and death, however, is complete has ever been circulated in
not knowing when or where screw them up permanently. what other marvels lay in Mr defence of the homeless or
hostages paraded on the I wrote an article for Gay a totally different story. bollocks.
the kidnappers will strike. The kidnappings are tapped Brock's video tape vault. Director of the gallery Juanita victims of dog attack.
news would drip into the soul Times and came out in the Hyan– Fitlads
Bermúdez told the Guardian

cont>>>

32 Useless Fact: Queen Elizabeth II was Time Magazine's "Man of The Year" in 1952. Useless Fact: Actor Bruce Willis's real name is Walter. 33
You may know
Quickie Did you know?

S
that heart

I E
disease is the The names of all the continents end with

BT
the letter they start with.
biggest single
Tokyo was once known as Edo.
cause of death
in the UK, The Vatican is the world's smallest
country, at 0.44 square km (0.16
killing about
square miles).
150,000 people
Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food
a year.
from freezing.

e x s t F o o d F a c ts: This Women make up 49% of the world

S Fa ht are eaten -
e quar ters of fish caug gs such as
year’s population.

ASBO • thgleuere, sost apis ,usmedargatorinmeakane dthinfertilizer.


Thre coolest Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for
mountains to be higher than 15,000 metres.
gadgets?
is a Thomas Cook is the world's first travel agency and was
king, the banana
• Bo ta ni ca lly
herb and the tom
sp ea
ato is a fr uit.
Readers of men’s
magazine Stuff have voted But did you
founded in 1850.
A man from Brighton liant of

TIP
has recently been • Ba na na s consist en tly are the number one comp
st people complain wh
en
the Apple iPhone 3G this
year’s coolest gadget.
know that To
grocery shoppers. Mo coffee drinkers
given an ASBO fact is that
banning him from bananas are overripe
or even freckled. The
ntent of
The faster, smarter, thinner
upgrade to the plain old are less likely Inspire
eeter, with a sugar co

is the acronym for...


spotted bananas are sw
seeing his girlfriend
more than 20%, comp
ared with 3% in a gre
en banana. iPhone, retails for around
£100 (half the price of its
to have heart
disease than
Promptness
after neighbours
the common tomato is
complained about
their noisy fucking
• The scientific term for
lycopersicon lycopersicu
m, which means "wolf
varieties
predecessor). iPhone 3G
was closely followed by tea drinkers?
are more than 10,000 the Nintendo Wii Fit, Sony So, next time
peach." However there
sessions; complete
with screamed dirty
of tomatoes.
ented 48 years after tin
s were
PS3 40GB and Xbox 360
60GB. All must have
you boil the
kettle for a
World’s Highest
talk and banging • The tin opener was inv gadgets, in this techno-
headboards. It took introduced.
ted bottles beca
use
centric age. cuppa, maybe
paid footballers
neighbours two years
of complaining to
• Wine is sold in tin
wine spoils whe
n exposed to lig
ht. According to
ConsumerSearch.com
it should
be a 5. Michael Ballack (Chelsea & Germany) £9.1 million
content.
finally get the ban! • Carrots have zero fat Durex’s line of
ultra-thin
coffee.
4. Wayne Rooney (Man Utd & England) £9.3 million
Central Scotland Police drove through a puddle, condoms is the 3. Ronaldo (AC Milan & Brazil) £12.7 million
How have recently released a man who wanted a favourite
2. David Beckham (LA Galaxy & England) £15.8 million
stupid some of the “wholly
inappropriate” calls that
postcode for a local police
station and a woman who
amongst its
user’s. And DID 1. Ronaldinho (Barcelona & Brazil) £16 million
do you 999 received this year. bought a rabbit from a Durex Extra Sensitive is
YOU
have They include a call from newspaper article, but it one of the strongest

to be?
a woman who had been didn’t have floppy ears (least likely to break)
KNOW? 5 sel l i ng
splashed by car when it as advertised. condoms on the market.
Anal mucus contains
The UK’ s To p
more HIV than cum?
Meaning, when you fuck
cars f or 20 08
without a condom the

5. Vauxhall Astra
mucus can enter your

4. Vauxhall Corsa
body through the end of

3. Ford Focus
your cock. And the
longer you fuck, the more

2. Volkswagen Golf
stimulation you

1. Peugeot 207
give/receive, the more
mucus is produced.
So use a condom!
34 Useless Fact: Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete. Useless Fact: You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. 35
Fitlads grab TOP 10 THINGS
NOT TO SAY ARRGH, shiver me timber!
DURING SEX Or Why It's The Wood That Makes It Good
some poles... 10. Dad!?!
9. I lost my penis
piercing! in Portsmouth Historic Dockyard
TOP PLACES YOU’VE 8 Now I know why
he dumped you...
Any sailor worth it's salt will tell you
EVER SHAGGED 7. God, I'm glad that
was over quickly, that conflict brings men together.
I really have to take A billboard advertising historic tours in
Poll – Your list of the favourite places you’ve a shit.
shagged. According to a recent poll FitLads Portsmouth Dockyard has recently
6. I hope you don't
did, you’re a naughty lot, preferring “dark mind, I've video pulled off its advertisement billboard
rooms”, bathrooms and parties to the good old taped this. as being too 'graphic and suggestive'.
fashioned bedroom.
5. Can I clean my knob
• In a car – 50%
on your curtains?
• At a party – 50% Managing Director of the Portsmouth Historic
4. Can We Just Dockyard Robert Bruce stated that, 'We are
• At work – 12%
Pretend That Didn't surprised and quite intrigued by the sudden
• In a bathroom – 70%
• In a park – 50% Happen? burst of interest generated in this advertisement.'
• In a dark room – 65% 3. What's that smell?
Such 'innocent' double entendre is also found in
• At an orgy – 16% 2 Wait, you're alive?!? the American country and western singer Kenny
• In front of a camera – 21% 1. I'm Only 14 !!!!!!!! Roger's chain of restaurant opened in the UK
recently. The banner reads 'Kenny Rogers
TOP 10 PAID MOVIE ACTORS Chickens', followed by the sub-banner of 'It's
The Wood That Makes It Good!'
10. Mel Gibson ($30m) - Lethal Weapon 4
9. Leonardo DiCaprio ($40m) - Titanic Robert Bruce goes on to state that 'You should
8. Tom Hanks ($40m) - Saving Private Ryan look out for our next series of advertisements
7. Jack Nicholson ($60m) - Batman which will inspire you to come and SEE THE
STORY of the great attractions that are
6. Tom Cruise ($70m) - Mission Impossible

Txt in the city


Portsmouth Historic Dockyard!' Be on the
5. Tom Hanks ($70m) - Forrest Gump
lookout for Jolly Roger in Portsmouth.
4. Tom Cruise ($92m) - Mission Impossible 2
3. Tom Cruise ($100m) - War of the Worlds Hyan – Fitlads
2. Bruce Willis ($100m) - The Sixth Sense
1. Keanu Reeves ($206m) - Matrix Trilogy

BEST OF THE WEB


Here are ten cool vids from the net. They range from the cute to the outright gory.

Fitlads Mobile is a great way to grab your Fitlads messages on the run. Whether you're at work
1. http://www.sickipedia.org

or killing time on the bus, you can now access your Fitlads profile through your mobile phone!
2. http://encyclopediadramatica.com
3. Retarded Policeman. Look for it on Youtube.

This is not your usual crap of all hype and no balls. Fitlads Mobile was designed specifically for
4. Chow's on. http://www.filecabi.net/video/730655a133d9.html

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5. Skateboarder's got balls. http://www.filecabi.net/video/4b4a3dd891.html

www.fitladsmobile.co.uk
6. Thump-di-thump-di-thump. http://www.filecabi.net/video/d665fcd2f6e7.html
7. Vandalism Karma. http://www.filecabi.net/video/vandalism-karma.html On the train. Waiting in a queue. It doesn't matter. The power's yours.
8. A day out with the parents. http://www.filecabi.net/video/russianmummaflip.html
9. Good samaritans. http://www.filecabi.net/video/cf212b319611.html
10. A little day dreaming can take you a long way.
http://www.filecabi.net/video/h264640480.html

36 Useless Fact: It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. Useless Fact: A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue. 37
Some 2,000 GLBT people staged pride marches
in the Indian cities of Calcutta, Bangalore and
Delhi June 29 – the first such parades in the latter
two cities.
About 500 people marched in Calcutta, 700 in the high-tech
city of Bangalore and about 800 in Delhi.
"When the pride started (in Delhi), there were about 100
people and it looked like we were outnumbered by the
media and the police," said correspondent Vikram Doctor.
"By the time we started (marching), though... more and
more people were coming along and getting attached to
the end. I was walking back and forth, trying to help with
media requests, and I got a sense of how large it was
growing when I realized in addition to the main group
carrying the flag upfront, there was a second large group
behind with placards and doing dances -- and then a

Calcutta really large group of stragglers behind."

T in India
Calcutta's seventh parade focused heavily on Section 377,

GLB
the Indian law that bans gay sex under penalty of up to 10

Bangalore
years in prison. A court case, now at a crucial phase, could
see the law "read down" so it no longer applies to
consensual adult gay sex.
"India continues to stigmatize its transgender, kothi, hijra,

Delhi
gay, lesbian, bisexual and other communities of
marginalized sexualities and genders," organizers said.
"Section 377 ... encroaches upon a person's democratic
rights, goes against the spirit of the Indian Constitution and

By REX WOCKNER impedes life-saving sexual health work among sexual


minorities."
The parade was part of Rainbow Pride Week, which also
featured movies, a photo exhibit, a panel discussion and
a candlelight memorial for people lost to anti-gay abuse
or HIV.
"Clearly, Indian sexual minorities are not going to settle
for status quo and are garnering support from different
stakeholders, media included, in their struggle to be free
from discrimination, receive respect from all sections of
society, and function as equal participants in a progressive
and democratic India," organizers said at the parade's
conclusion.
The Queer Media Collective issued a statement saying that
GLBT people in India today find themselves at about the
same point U.S. gays were when the first pride parades
began in 1970.
"LGBT people face a lot of harassment from the police,"
the group said.
"Lesbians are subject to violence and even forced to
commit suicide by their families. Gay men are blackmailed
by organized rackets that involve members of the police.
Bisexuals are denied the chance to express same-sex love
and forced into opposite-sex marriages.
Transgenders are routinely arrested and raped by the
police. Same-sex couples who have lived together for
years cannot buy a house together, have a joint bank
account or will their property to each other without being
challenged by their families. ... Today in 2008, Queer
Pride goes national as a sign that the time for national
change has come."

38 Useless Fact: Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
Terrence Higgins
Trust Launches
'Gay Britain' website and leaflets for migrant gay men
On 8 September, Terrence migration. According to The pocket sized leaflets have
Higgins Trust (THT) is launching research conducted by Sigma been produced in English,
'Gay Britain', a programme of Research this is particularly French, Italian, Polish,
work to help migrant gay and true for those with lower Portuguese and Spanish. They
bisexual men who have moved educational qualifications and can be downloaded from the
to England and Wales stay safe little knowledge of English.[1] Gay Britain website or ordered
and well, while getting the most by emailing Andie Dyer at THT
out of living here. Marc Thompson, Deputy Head on andie.dyer@tht.org.uk
of Health Promotion at THT
A new website said "Some gay men come to As well as the information for
www.chapsonline.org.uk/gaybrit the UK to escape homophobia gay men, THT has produced a
ain and a set of leaflets in six and abuse and to live a more 'Scene but unseen' resource
languages have been produced liberated life. But when they get pack. This pack is aimed at
that include information on HIV here they find things are more people working with gay men
and sexual health, as well as a difficult than they expected. or in the sexual health sector
guide to staying safe on the Problems with the language, who may have migrant clients
'scene', information on how to finding work and affordable or service users.
access healthcare and benefits, accommodation, as well as
information on immigration new-found sexual liberation 'Gay Britain' is a CHAPS
issues and where to learn and the highly sexualised campaign, funded by the
English. nature of the gay scene can Department of Health. CHAPS
leave men vulnerable to picking is a partnership of community-
Evidence suggests that migrant up or passing on HIV and other based organisations, co-
gay men are at risk of HIV and STIs. The website and leaflets ordinated by THT, which carry
other sexually transmitted aim to give men who are new out HIV health promotion work
infections (STIs) not simply to the UK the information and with gay men in England and
because of a lack of awareness contacts they need to stay safe Wales.
and knowledge, but because of and adjust to life in Gay
other social and economic Britain."
factors relating to their

Terrence H ig gin s Tru st lau n c h e s


cam paig n targ e ti n g h o m op h o b ia
able to build bridges between gay children and other family

in families members who are struggling to accept the situation.

Marc Thompson, Deputy Head of Health Promotion at Terrence


Higgins Trust said "Having a son or daughter come out as gay
Terrence Higgins Trust has launched a
can be shocking or worrying, but there is support out there.
campaign today against homophobia within By helping families cope, talk and avoid friction we hope to
families. The 'Family Matters' campaign is reduce the physical and mental damage that can be caused
targeted primarily at mothers and aims to by estrangement. Keeping the family together is what
matters."
highlight how homophobia can harm the

Chat, meet and play at


whole family. The new campaign includes advertising in women's magazines
and a website www.tht.org.uk/familymatters as well as
When a child is excluded from the family or exposed to anti-gay confidential support via THT Direct on 0845 12 21 200.
hostility they are more likely to experience depression, self harm Terrence Higgins Trust is working with FFLAG (Friends and
or attempt suicide. Education can suffer and there is potential for Family of Lesbians and Gays) on the campaign. FFLAG is
loss of contact between the child and the family. Homophobia dedicated to supporting parents and their gay, lesbian or
can also lead to low self esteem, a factor that can influence bisexual sons and daughters. It can also put parents in touch
sexual risk taking and the likelihood of acquiring HIV. with local parent support groups.

The campaign specifically targets mothers as they frequently act The Family Matters campaign is funded by the Department of
as a catalyst for change within a family. Mothers might also be Health as part of the CHAPS programme.

40 Useless Fact: In a lifetime, an average human produces 10,000 gallons of saliva.


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42 Useless Fact: Approximately one out of four injuries by athletes involve the wrist and hand. Useless Fact: xxxxxxxxxx XX
Muscle size does What are big muscles? Explode the weight away
matter. How big your Legs, chest, and back. The from you (don't jerk, but push
muscle is as important as to small muscles are biceps out in a controlled but
how much (or little) you and triceps. Calves, aggressive fashion) and drop
should train it. Vanity aside, forearms and abs have a the weight back down, then
be honest in gauging just special category, since explode, drop, explode. Don't
how muscly you really are. these are used all the time do a 1 count pushing out,
If you're skinny and rippled, for running away from the and then a 3 count on the
you are not muscly, but just 'ol Bill, wanking, bending negative side, that just burns
defined. If you bulge out and breathing. They are your muscle out too soon.
and look massive, with a fat harder to blast and grow. Though there is something to
index off the chart, you are be said for 'negative' reps,
As you now know, fast-
not muscly, but just a fat this comes later once you
twitch muscles explode
porker. Flex. Dig through the have to bulk to deal with
quickly, but generally have
flab and touch the hard them. Explode, drop,
no endurance, and
muscle beneath. That will explode. Try it, it works.
therefore burn out sooner.
tell you just how big your And one last thing about
You can activate them
muscle really is. And like muscles. A confused muscle
through a manageable but
me a few years ago, you'll is our friend. When a muscle
heavy weight, in a fast and
be shocked just how little is confused and under stress
explosive manner. Here is a
bulk there really is. (by confused I mean it hasn't white meat (prots that repair biceps curls, triceps burns during your training,
breakdown of how many
adapted to your gym routine) and grow your muscle) extensions, squats, and you must stop immediately
Muscle Fibres. There are sets/reps that you actually
roughly the size of the back push ups. You'd be amazed and walk away. Injuries are
two type of muscle fibres in need to blast a muscle then it forces itself to adapt,
and it adapts by growing to of your fist; accompanied what you can actually nefarious little bastards that
your body. Slow-twitcher, properly without
meet the demands of a load with the same size portion of achieve with just a backpack hang around if not rested
and fast-twichers. The slow- overtraining it.
of weight. rice or potatoes (carbs for and a door frame. Think immediately.
twitcers are none-explosive
For large muscles; chest, energy), a salad (vits and about the basic mechanics
and take time to warm up. Here's another rule of In a nutshell, eat well, train
legs, and back, no more minerals) with a little olive oil of how to blast your
They are long in fibre and thumb; never do the well; eat lots, train lots and
then 5-6 sets of 10-12 reps (your fat to oil your joints). If muscles and think of
used for long-haul stress. same exercise twice. stick with it. Don't be that
will do the job nicely. For you follow this, you'll bulk creative ways to simulate it
Marathon runners are If today you're doing biceps guy who's always talking
smaller muscles, 4 sets of out quickly. that at home.
riddled with slow-twitch and posing in the mirror at

FITLADS
10-12 reps will kill the barbell curls, next session
fibres. These fibres don't do hammer curls instead, Swarzenenger, the poster If you are unsure about the the gym. Go in, work hard,
muscle right and proper.
bulk easily, which is why and then next, do preacher child for steroid use, proper mechanics of lifting a get out quickly. This will
Abs, calves and forearms
marathon runners don't curls. This variation will believed that you could put weigh, check out Lee Priest, keep your motivation level
need no more than 3-4 sets
have pillar-sized legs. on a stone of lean muscle or any other muscle bound high. If nothing else -- this

FITNESS
of 15-20 reps! And that's it. force your muscle to grow.
mass a year just by training freak on YouTube, and will give you a stone-hard
Fast-twitchers on the other Beware of overtraining,
The only way to really well and eating well. My examine closely where they arse that'll crack wallnuts
hand are shorter and which is easily done. It
boost your ab size is to gains have averaged out at put their hands, the speed between butt cheeks.
explosive. They're the manifests itself as fatigue,
burn fat. Abs take a long about 7-9 pounds a year. Eat of execution, the angle of
powerhouse of brute force.
Well, well, well. They explode fast, but also
time and lots of dedicated
work to bulge into olympic
loss of appetite, mood
swings, and idleness.
before and immediately after flex, and the Lilliputian, ...Keep at it.
You've come back for another grueling training and then an hour steroid-ridden pimple lump
die out early. And this here Overtraining prevents the Write in to
size cobble stones. We are after that, then fall back on in their shorts. That's
punishment from Sergeant MuscleFarm. is a big clue as to why muscle from growing, and hyan@davidandjoe.com to
talking years here. your normal schedule. another reason why not to
Good. If you've followed the Top Ten reps/sets and muscle size sometimes even shrinks it. let me know how you are
However, a good fuck do steroids -- it shrinks your
Tips from Fitlad's Issue 1 on How To are important in to how you Avoid overtraining by taking Only do cardio on your off getting on.
session does wonders for bollocks to a stub.
train. Being short and a week or two off, sleep lots, days to burn off the excess
Burn Fat, then at this point, you should the lower abs too.
explosive, fast-twitcher are eat well and find yourself a calories you're consuming, Did you know that muscle
have left your flabby arse on the floor prone to bulk, as found on The next important factor is never on your training days. doesn't grow in the gym but
hobby outside the gym.
and be razor cut. powerlifters and weight. The correct weight in your bed? The gym tears
What you eat is very Since your muscle is mostly
bodybuilders. for a particular muscle down the muscle and sleep
important too. Eat shit made of water, drinking
What follows is a bit technical but easily mastered. This is an group is a tough first set in nits the fibres back up into
Enough theory. Now which you can reach 10 and you'll look like shit. You water is essential to
increasingly bigger fibres,
all natural, steroid-free, approach to packing on extra muscle the nuts and bolts. nurturing your muscle fibres
reps. The last set should be need five things in your diet. using the prots, minerals
that'll make you look like a bursting sack of spuds in a t-shirt. and to helping your system
Here's what it really boils hard and done to failure at Protein. Carbohydrates. vits and you have eaten just
Though every lad out there has a different body type, there Vitamins and minerals and digest all that food you're
down to: when bulking up, a 7-9 range. That's when before going to bed. So a
are some basic muscle growing principals that apply to fat? What, fat!?!? Yes. I'll eating. Drink a pint before
reps and sets have to be you know you have the good, untroubled night
muscle heads to great results. If you're serious about the come back to that in a and after each meal, for all
tayloured specifically to how right weight for the right sleep is where all the
bulge, pay attention and read on... moment. Instead of 3 meals five meals!
big or little your muscle is. muscle. If you manage to muscle growth actually
Let's get a basic understanding of what makes a muscle The rule of thump is the do all sets at all reps, then a day, sparse out into 5-7 Can't join a gym because happens. In the morning,
grow. Muscle grows because of stress. Think of a muscle as bigger the muscle the more add 5% of your overall smaller meals a day. This you're broke? No problem. you should have a fuller,
a water balloon. Every time you pump water into it, it sets it needs, (within a set weight to your next session. will keep your body Get a backpack, drop in a hydrated look.
expands a little further each time. It's no different with parametre which I'll explain saturated with proteins -- the couple of weights, books, or
Speed of execution is It goes without saying that if
muscle. You pump it with blood, the fibre walls stretch and in a moment). building blocks of mucles. water bottles and this can be
crucial in how your muscle anything pings, stings and
over time – grow. This is why it's called pumping iron. Each portions should have used as basic weights for
responds to training.

44 Useless Fact: Mass murderer Charles Manson recorded an album entitled "Lie." Useless Fact: Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and had only ONE testicle. 45
The Ultimate Guide
To Meeting!
e a shine to
et up with someone that we tak
Well, most of us are bound to me

id: LesAdieux
having a
find them drop dead gorgeous,
sooner or later, no? Be it that we eon e to go
g, a soul mate, or even just som
strong interest in the same thin
easy enough though? Wrong…
out and have a drink with. Sounds
quite
they’ve had terrible meet-ups is
The number of people who say t. Rather
to worry, practice makes perfec
phenomenal these days, but not er, trust
king all men are as bad each oth
than getting pessimistic and thin
me, they’re not!
ple,
all had our sha re of good and bad experiences of meeting peo
We’ve c) I’ve not
s and (without being too egoisti
heck, even I’ve had a few bad one my top 10
a big learning curve, so here are
had many bad ones! But it’s all nce.
e a good and enjoyable experie
hints for making meeting someon

1 Authenticity! Make sure they’re actually who they say they 6 How to react. The best way would be to just take it on the
are one way or another. The last thing you want is to go and chin and go with it no matter how much in shock you are
meet someone perfect in looks from the pictures then they turn about whoever you just met. If you want rid, be polite and kind
out to be the complete opposite! This is (in my eyes) the about it. It sucks to know someone just made a runner on you
biggest downfall in meeting up with people, but even pictures for some unknown reason! You wouldn’t want that, would you?
can be deceiving – beware! (Although, a few of you lucky ones On the other hand, being like an excitable kid wouldn’t go
will land a real catch, so bear that in mind as well) down well either…play it coooooool!

7 When it gets going. Easiest approach – go along with it all.


2 Get to know the person. Now, what good is meeting Stay calm, cool and collected while having fun, which is the
someone when you know nothing about them?! (unless it’s for most important thing. Relax, you have nothing to worry about.
a quick shag, of course…!) There’s nothing worse than going Planning what you do kind of takes the fun away from it all,
to meet someone and not having a single thing to talk about though obviously, if it needs it, do it!
and not knowing what to say. You never know, you might share
a strong interest in something no matter how remote it might 8 If the going gets tough…Ok so it’s getting awkward, what
be! But remember, not everyone is after a quickie, so leave do you do? Try and spark up a conversation about something
that as an afterthought – not all gays are the same y’know! meaningful rather than trying to continue with mindless
chitchat. Or find something that could be a big distraction in
3 Where to go. Well, this depends entirely on what you order to break up the tension. Try and have a few conversation
both enjoy doing! Going out to the clubs/bars in either starters up your sleeve - there's nothing worse than dead air.
hometown (especially if the other hasn’t been out there
before), grabbing a coffee in Starbucks, a nice meal in Pizza 9 After all the madness. Well…what next? Keep in touch with
Hut, a wander around the Lake District, who knows! But it’d be them! Assuming you want to and it wasn’t a disaster that is.
best to discuss such activities before you go out the front Ask them what they thought, how they felt, if they want to do
door! For you summer guys, a beach would be ideal! something else again. But if it gets into pestering…well, that
isn’t a good thing! It’s always a bummer that someone you
4 What to wear. This will depend entirely on where you go. meet doesn’t keep in touch. Don’t let that happen to you!
You’d be stupid to wear a full-blown £500 suit to play volleyball
on Weston-super-Mare beach, nor would you wear Hawaiian 10 BE YOURSELF! This can’t possibly be stressed enough!
shorts and sandals to go for a quiet meal at Café Rouge! Find DO NOT try and be someone that you’re not, otherwise you’ll
out what you’re doing first, then decide on something you’re be liked for something you’re not, and then it’ll be an act all
perfectly comfortable with wearing without going too over the your life. Who can honestly say they can do that for the end of
top! (Unless, of course, you’re going out for a neon rave, then time? If they can’t like you for who you are, then they ain’t
go nuts!) worth your time.

5 What to say. Regardless where it is, be it online, in a café


or in a club, the worst thing to ever mention is the subject of
ex partners or shags. No one wants to listen to someone rant
about how crap they were. Talk about something with meaning
Much love guys,
and intelligence throwing in a bit of wit and humour or even and happy meeting!
some randomness. No matter how negative you may feel Chris (a.k.a. id:LesAdieux)
about getting back into the dating game, nobody wants to
meet a misery - be happy! Apart from that, go with the flow of
the conversation!
46 Useless Fact: The national sport of Japan is sumo wrestling.