Professor Max KLack


PS 1097


The devil's


3 1924 014 323 772



Cornell University Library


original of



is in

Cornell University Library.

There are no known copyright

restrictions in

the United States on the use of the text.








In that year a large part of it was published in covers with the a title The name which the author Cynic's Word Book.: — PREFACE The Devil's Dictionary was begun in a weekly paper in 1881. . though some of them added the Among them. To quote the publishers of the present work "This more reverent title had previously been forced upon him by the religious scruples of the last newspaper in which a part of the work had appeared. with the natural consequence that when it came out in covers the country already had been flooded by its imitaThe tors with a score of 'cynic' books Cynic's This. The Cynic's That. merely stupid. they distinction of silliness. had not the power to reject nor the happiness to approve. and The Most of these books were Cynic's t'Other. and was continued in a desultory way and at long intervals until 1906.

and many of its definitions. . A conspicuous. and it is hoped not unpleasing. but in simple denial of possible charges of plagiarism. S. anecdotes. feature of the book is its abundant illustrative quotations from eminent poets. In merely resuming his own the author hopes to be held guiltless by those to whom the work is addressed enlightened souls who prefer dry wines to sweet. chief of whom is that learned and ingenious cleric. whose lines bear his initials. had become more or less current in popular speech. phrases and so forth. selves to such parts of the work as served their needs. Father Gassalasca Jape.J. wit to humor and clean English to slang. To Father Jape's kindly encouragement and assistance the author of the prose — text is greatly indebted. sense to sentiment. too.brought the word 'cynic' into disfavor so deep that any book bearing it was discredited in advance of publication. B. A. which is no trifle.." some of the enterprising humorists of the country had helped themMeantime. not with any pride of priority in trifles. This explanation is made.

be no royal riddle To History she'll Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle. The temple of the god Stomach. G. ployee Peculiarly appropriate in an em- when addressing an empldyer. Abdication. all . with sacrificial rights. An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of Isabella's dead. scold For that performance 'twere unfair She wisely left a her: throne too hot to hold her. in front of a fort. J Abdomen. Rubbish vent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside. Poor n. «. to pre- Abatis.— Abasement. the throne. in n. whose worship. al n. A decent and customary mentthe presence of wealth or attitude in power. Set all tongues whose abdication wagging in the Spanish to nation.

12 men engage. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward a straiter resemblance to the Average Man than he hath to himself. but true reverence for the one deity that men really adore they know not. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering assent. the prospect of death and the hope of Hell. Abnormal. . no easy task to be solemn. They sometimes minister at the altar in a true half-hearted and ineffective way. plish tions «. however. The natural equipment to accom- some small part of the meaner ambidistinguishing able men from dead ones. to be abnormal is to be detested. ard. Ability. If woman had a free hand in the world's marketing the race would become graminivorous. to be independent is to be abnormal. adj. rightly appraised. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Not conforming to stand- In matters of thought and conduct. this it is impressive quality is Perhaps.

side. only know From From 'tis handed down sage to sage. newly discovered They soon cease to cumber. fertilize.— 13 Aborigines. they Abracadabra. Crying for Wisdom's holy light. — How ? and Why ? Whether Is I the word that is a verb or a noun knowledge beyond my reach. . and you'll understand His beard was long and white And his eyes uncommonly bright. For his head was bald.) The fame of his wisdom filled the land. n. By Abracadabra we signify of things. An infinite number 'Tis the answer to What ? and And Whence? and Whither? a word whereby The Truth (with the comfort it brings) Is open to all who grope in night. age to age An Of immortal part of speech! an ancient man the tale is told That he lived to be ten centuries old. Persons of soil of a little worth found cumbering the country. he finally died. In a cave on a mountain (True.

abrac. is it But his wisdom In Abracadabra sacredly cherished. Jamrach Holobom. Made copious notes the mystical Which In a they published next A trickle of text meadow of commentary. abl" 'Twas *Twas all all he had. Like an ancient bell that forever swings. I love to hear That word make clear Humanity's General Sense of Things. to they wanted of hear. as leaves of trees. Mighty big books were these. /. abra. ? decent . abracadab. In learning. When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for a people to abridge their king. and each speech. O. t. Abridge. And the books of the sages have perished. remarkable —very! He's dead. solemnly rings. As I said.— 14 Philosophers gathered To sit from far and near and hear and hear. Abracada. abracad. To shorten. In number. Though he never was heard at his feet To utter a word But "Abracadabra. Abraca.

The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond. To "move in a mysterious way. fully said of another author's ideas that they were "concatenated without abruption. Dr." commonly with Spring beckons! the property of another. superseded in the consideration and affection of another. Abrupt. Phela Orm. hopelessly in the wrong. detraction. logo Tyree. without ceremony. of adj. v. like the arrival of a cannon-shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it. . Peculiarly exposed to the tooth vilified. Who cares What face he carries or what form he wears? But woman's body Stay thou. Oliver Cromwell. is the woman. and do never go. i." Abscond. But heed the warning words the sage hath A woman absent is a woman dead.— respect for the opinions of : 15 mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. Sudden. All things to the call respond. To men a man is but a mind. Absent. Samuel Johnson beautiadj. O. said my sweetheart.

A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins." G. An absolute monarchy Independent. a bigoted one. so am. n. and by republics. A statement or belief mani- festly inconsistent with one's own opinion. where the sovereign's power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed. most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies.— 16 Absentee. and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. n. which are governed by chance. adj. A weak person who one yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleas- A total abstainer is who abstains from everything but abstention. Absolute. ure." said the scapegrace caught "But not.L Absurdity. irresponsible. Abstainer. n." am. I my son. sir. . Not many absolute monarchies are left. Said a man to a crapulent youth: "I thought You "So I a total abstainer.

(from academe). "My accountability. . n. Accident. «. One associated with another in a crime. knowing him guilty. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin. Accord. having guilty knowledge and complicity." the only kind Said the Shah: "I do— 'tis Of ability you possess. n." Joram Tate. n." Said the Grand "Yes. n. Harmony. bear in mind. school where football is taught. Accomplice. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto torneys. ality n. Academy. The mother of Vizier: caution. yes. n. as an attorney who defends a criminal. A modern An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws. Accordion. Accountability.17 Academe. commanded the assent of at- no one having offered them a fee for assenting. An ancient school where mor- and philosophy were taught.

n. v. Achievement. unconsciously to him. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. adv. most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him. Acephalous. but not well to lend to. t. In the surprising condiwho absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had. and intimate when he famous. To affirm another's guilt or unworth. Actually. Acknowledge. Acquaintance. tion of the Crusader through his neck.18 Accuse. Boned wisdom for weak teeth. slight when poor or rich or obscure. Perhaps . t. n. passed adj. Adage. To confess. as related by de Joinville. . A person whom we know A degree of friendship object is is its well enough to borrow from. v. enough called n. Acknow- ledgment of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth. possibly.

as with a Friendly warning. A man of straw. its n. designed to receive the kicks due to the premier or president. all A follower who has not yet that he expects to get. His soul forever to perdition. A Adder. Adherent.19 Adamant. n. Gentle reproof. Judibras. Admiration. That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the figure-head does the thinking. n. . n. Consigned. mineral frequently found beneath a corset. by way of admonition. So called from habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living. obtained n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. Admiral. Soluble in solicitate of n. A species of snake. proof against bad-egging and dead-catting. meat-axe. and cuffs An ingenious abstrac- tion in politics. gold. Admonition. n. Administration.

"The man was in Said Tom. Affliction. Agitator. n." n. Affianced. A statesman fruit trees of his neighbors — who shakes the to dislodge the worms. That period of life in which we comstill pound for the vices that we cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit. . such deep distress. To know that's what you would have done. my son. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world. t." Jebel Jocordy. Age. pp. n. smallest current coin. Fitted with an ankle. A nigger that votes our way. To The venerate expectantly. "that I could do no advice. n. African. -) v." less Than I give him good Said Jim: "If less could have been done for him know you well enough.20 AdorE^ Advice. n.ring for the ball-and-chain.

An American sovereign in his pro- bationary state. . no. "An aim? Well. so forth. «. Jewish. Air. Alderman. The Mahometan Supreme Being. "Cheer up! Have you no aim in life?" She tenderly inquired." — G. Allah's good laws I faithfully have kept. fired. n. «. Alien. hands and slept. wife. The fact is I have I haven't. The task we set our wishes to. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding. And ever for the And sometimes Have sins of man have wept. and n.21 Aim. Allah. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor. kneeling in the temple I reverently crossed my Junker Barlow.J. n. as distinguished from the Christian.

the thought reveal the metal. That he Had cherished secretly alone. n.22 Allegiance. In bad company. From the notches on his back the alligator is called tion. is Whereby that organ kept rightly pointed To smell the sweetness of the Lord's anointed. Alliance. union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third. in the subject's nose. Alone. lo! the and steel.J. Booley Fito. Alligator. Herodotus says the Indus is. the n. but they appear to have gone West and grown up with the other rivers. By spark and flame. the a sawrian. with one exceponly river that produces crocodiles. superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World. adj. This thing Allegiance. Is a ring fitted as I suppose. . she the stone. flint In contact. The crocodile of America. In international politics. G. n.

. to Ambition. They stood before the altar and supplied The fire themselves in which their fat was fried. except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female fool. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead. b. skill P. So pigs to lead the populace are greased good. Ambidextrous. To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. n. M. Judibras. n. t. Amnesty.23 Altar. sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood. Anoint^ As v. The word is now seldom used. The place whereon the priest form- erly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. pick with equal a right-hand pocket or a left. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. In vain the sacrifice! —no god Able will claim An offering burnt with an unholy flame. adj. Nopput.

i. "The Mad Philosopher. Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim: "My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!" G. A leech who. v.J. Aphorism. To lay the foundation for a future offence. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend. And Mercury conveyed them in a tricksters of introduced by stealth Disease for the apothecary's health. undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's When That Jove sent blessings to friend all men jar. driblet of an aphorism. exped- form a new attachment to a fresh Apothecary. The physician's accomplice. n. deems ient to turtle. provider." Apologize. that are. . flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain. having penetrated it the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead.24 Antipathy. And The voids from its unstored abysm 1697. n. Apostate. The «. Predigested wisdom. ».

Architect. . The echo of a platitude. an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question. t. n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop. fool with another April Fool. «. and plans a draft of your money. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge. to put the dice box for another throw. Fridays I'd eat other days everything else. Applause. into the n. The March month added to his folly. n. n. If I n. Ardor. In politics. n. were a jolly archbishop.— 25 Appeal. On On all the fish up Salmon and flounders and smelts. Archbishop. Appetite. v. One who drafts a plan of your house. Jodo Rem. In law. Arena.

sense the word is obsolete. . v.) Fellows that wear «. greatly affects in "Eat arsenic? all you get. (In this kind of ation Government by the best men. he did speak up. pp. Than put it in my teacup. t. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition. n. A kind of ladies.— 26 Aristocracy. «. The Unauthorized Arsenic. world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. as a rioter hanged to a lamppost. so is that government. ed by the turn. pet. The kind of clothing worn by man whose tailor is a blacksmith. downy hats and clean shirts —guilty of educa and suspected of bank accounts. " 'Tis better you should eat it." Joel Huck. Formally the to detain one accused of unusualness. Armor. Arrayed. God made Version. cosmetic greatly affectit whom Yes." Consenting. Arrest.

Bring cates and wines for And sell their garments to support the Artlessness. the law. the populace the rites attend. fires. (with shows. priests. n. inly edified to learn that two fit Half-hairs joined so and so (as Art can do) Have Than sweeter values and a grace more Nature's hairs that never have been sacrificial feasts. Its origin related as follows by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape. J. and hymns. and mummeries. who is pleased to fancy it resembles the can- did simplicity of his young. split. One day a wag it —^what would god's S. to n. the wretch be at? Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT. disputations dire that lamed their limbs) To serve his temple and maintain the Expound Amazed. Believe whate'er they cannot comprehend. And. t. Asperse. name! Straight arose And And And said was a Fantastic priests and postulants mysteries. This word has no is definition. v. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit. . manipulate the wires.— 27 Art. A certain engaging quality which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male.

28 Ass. II. De Temperamente) if it is not a god. holy Ass!" the quiring angels sing. the Etruscans. widely and variously celebrated in the literature. and C. A public singer with a good voice but called the In Virginia City. De Clem. Stantatus. This is no From what has been written about this beast might be compiled a library of great splendor and magnitude. and of Discords King! . generally. rivaling that of the Shakspearean cult. "Priest of Unreason. no other so engages and animal is fires the human imagination Indeed. The no ear. that "Hail. n. in Dakota. Nevada. small distinction. and which clusters about the Bible. believe Mac- by the Cupasians Of the only two animals admitted into the Mahometan Paradise along with the souls of men.. if we may also. that all literature is more or less Asinine. It may be said. art and religion of every age and country. robious. the dog of the Seven Sleepers the other. he is Washoe Canary. lib. and.. the ass that carried Balaam is one. and everywhere the Donkey. and as such we know it was worshiped by vertebrate. the Senator. it is as this noble doubted by some (Ramasilus.

Facilis descensus Averni. AVERNUS. n. J. whose industrial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island. however. n. Auctioneer. The poet remarks. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue. and the sense Of it is that when down-hill I turn Will get I more of punches than pence. . the Mule. This. let Thy glory shine: is God made all else. Australia. Jehal Dai Lupe. access to the infernal regions The fact that by a lake is believed by the learned to was obtained Marcus Ansello Scrutator Christian rite have suggested the of baptism by immersion. The lake by which the ancients entered the infernal regions. the Mule thine!" G. has been shown by Lactantius to be an error. n.29 Great co-Creator. A country lying in the South and commercial Sea.

from whose adventure in the bulies . Babe or Baby. . As Baal he was popular with the Phoenicians. of flies. n. itself without sentiment or emotion. and as Belly he is adored and served with abundant sacrifice by the priests of Guttledom. rays n. who wrote the famous account of the Deluge as Babel he had a tower partly erected to his glory on the Plain of Shinar. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. as Belus or Bel he had the honor to be served by the priest Berosus. A misshapen creature of no or condition. There have been famous babes for example. little Moses. As Beelze- bub he is the god which are begotten of the sun's on stagnant water. Baal is the Sun-god. remarkable for the violence of the sympathand antipathies it excites in others. chiefly particular age. sex." Under whatever name wor. shiped. From Babel comes our English word "babble. In Physicia Baal is still worshiped as Bolus.30 B Baal.

And resolutely thump and whack us? Jorace. The Now man His money. . and thought may be 'T were better that Baby The First had been eagled or condored. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity. That for devotions paid to Bacchus The lictors dare to run us in. n. a sin. Back. is tormented Until to buy babes he has squandered And so I have pondered This thing. find v. Is public worship. To speak of a man as you him when he can't find you. then.31 rushes the Egyptian hierophants of seven centuries before doubtless derived their idle tale of the child Osiris being preserved on a floating lotus leaf. Bacchus. Ro A mil. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. t. Ere babes were invented girls were contented. «. Backbite.


A preparation that renders

the hook



best kind



Baptism, n. A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever. It is performed with water in two ways by immersion, or plunging, and by

aspersion, or sprinkling.
But whether the plan of immersion
Is better than simple aspersion

Let those immersed


those aspersed

Decide by the Authorized Version,


by matching their agues




Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we
are having.



A house in which soldiers enjoy
it is

a portion of that of

their business

deprive others.






sort of ser-

pent hatched from the egg of a cock.






glance was


deny this creature's Semprello Aurator saw and handled one that had been blinded by lightning as a punishment for having fatally gazed on a lady of rank whom Jupiter loved. Juno afterward restored the reptile's sight and hid it in a cave. Nothing is so well attested by the ancients as the existence of the basilisk, but the cocks have stopped layfatal.



existence, but


Bastinado, n. The act of walking on wood without exertion.


kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.


The man who

taketh a steam bath


loseth all the skin he hath,

And, for he's boiled a brilliant red, Thinketh to cleanliness he's wed,
Forgetting that his lungs he's soiling


dirty vapors of the boiling.




method of untying with the a political knot that would not yield


to the tongue.


The hair that is commonly by those who justly execrate the

cut off


Chinese custoip of shaving the head.

Beauty, n. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
v. v.

To make an



ask for something with an earnestit

ness proportioned to the belief that


not be given.



that, father?


mendicant, child.

Haggard, morose, and unaffable

bars of his cell!

how he glares through the With Citizen Mendicant all is

not well.


did they put


there, father?










His belly?


well, he






state in

which, doubtless, there's

of joy.

No bite had he eaten for days, Was "Bread!" ever "Bread!"


his cry

the matter with



little to

wear, he had nothing to



beg was unlawful
didn't he


as well.



But men


He would even have done that, "Get out!" and the State remarked:


mention these incidents merely to show
the vengeance he took


was uncommonly low.

Revenge, at the
for trifles

best, is the act of a Siou,

Pray what did bad Mendicant do ?


loaves of bread to replenish his lack


tuck out the belly that clung to his back.

Is that all father

dear ?


is little

to tell:

They sent him The company's

to jail,



send him to


better than here


can boast.



Bread for the needy, dear father?

Atka Mip.




One who

has relied on the


ance of his friends.


Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding. The word seems to be somewhat loosely used in Dr. Jamrach Holobom's translation of the following lines in the Dies Irce

Recordare, Jesu


Quod sum causa tuae vias. Ne me perdas ilia die.

Pray remember, sacred Savior,


the thoughtless


hand that gave your Pardon such behavior.


In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two





order of monks otherfriars.




She thought

a crow, but


turned out to be



of St. Benedict croaking a text.

"Here's one of an order of cooks," said she


friars in this

world, fried black in the next."

"The Devil on Earth" (London, 1712).




One who makes heavy



is still

materially affecting the price, which

within the means of


Berenice's Hair,


A constellation


honor of one

{Coma who sac^

her hair to save her husband.
locks an ancient lady gave

Her Her

loving husband's

life to


And men Upon some


honored so the dame
bestowed her name.

our modern married


give their lords to save their hair,


stellar recognition's given.


are not stars


in heaven.






mistake in taste for which the
a punish-

wisdom of the future will adjudge ment called trigamy.

One who





ously attached to an opinion that you do not




invective of an oppon-







direst of all disasters.


to the nature of it there


appears to be no Pollux were born Castor and

Pallas came out of a skull. once a block of stone. Peresilis, Galatea was who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount j^tna, and I have myself seen a man come


the egg.

out of a wine cellar.




man whose

qualities, pre-

pared for display like a box of berries in a market the fine ones on top have been opened on the wrong side. An inverted




—the most

Unrhymed iambic


kind of English
a kind, therefore,

verse to write acceptably


affected by those


cannot accepta-

bly write any kind.



A robber of grave-worms.
young physicians with

One who

supplies the

a dissolute nobleman. four in all. "Monsieur. The hyena. Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites. to a high office." Bettel K. "for I can give you my word of honor. "One I night. Within the shadow of a We "While waiting for the moon to sink saw a wild hyena slink About a new-made grave. fall. having property of his own." he replied." "And pray what may be the value of that?" inquired the amused Regent. A sally from our ambuscade. Jhones. "Shocked by the horrid we made beast. who. A fool in gold. asked him what security he would be able to give. and then its Begin to excavate brink! act. it is worth its weight n. "I need no bondsmen. Bondsman." . When visiting a graveyard stood wall. "last and my comrades.39 that with which the old physicians have sup- plied the undertaker. undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted by another to a third. on the unholy Dispatched him with a pick and spade. falling And." a doctor said.

ill-smelling. as —those inart- that are not good to It well as those that largely with their flowers. get all The liberality of in permitting one who one who has has nothing to that he can. the image of Having a nose created in maker. The deals science of vegetables eat. n. Beecher. Botany. person who talks when you wish him to listen. are. istic in color. He who created the Hindoos.— 40 ' Bore. who are preserved by Vishnu and destroyed . said. Bounty. n. Boundary. Henry Ward Brahma. which are commonly badly designed. A «. an n. and adj. imaginary line between two nations. much. it is A single swallow. separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other. devours ten millions of insects every year. n. I take to The supplying of these insects be a signal instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His creatures. its Bottle-nosed. In political geography.

With feet folded up so demurely You're the First Person Singular. . The Abracadabranese. for example. thou rare old Divinity. You sit there so calm and securely. are holy and learned men who are never naughty. O Brahma. An apparatus with which we think we think. has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. or one who has been pitchforked into high station. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from A the man who wishes to do something. like those of the Abracadabranese.— 41 by Siva than is —a rather neater division of labor found among the deities of some other nations. In our civiliz- ation. that n. The priests of Brahma. First Person of the Hindoo Trinity. maintained by Theft and destroyed by Folly. surely. are created by Sin. man of great wealth. and under our republican form of government. Brain. Polydore Smith. brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of ofKce.

Only a hero will venture to drink it. a headful all the time. one part remorse. «. head. d-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan. n. Bride. Dose. one part deathhell. A familiar kitchen-garden veget- able about as large and wise as a man's a prince a The cabbage is so called from Cabagius. angel Gabriel to the patriarch and preserved at Mecca. Johnson to be the drink of heroes. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning. A large stone presented by the archAbraham. Cabbage. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. two parts bloody murder. who on ascending the throne issued decree appointing a High Council of . The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread. See Husband. Brandy is said by Dr. n. n. Caaba.42 Brandy. Brute.

spicuously Calamity. and his murmuring subjects were appeased. n. ty's and the cabbages in When any of his Majesmiscarried con- measures of it state policy was gravely announced that several members of the High Council had been beheaded. "but you should see me smile at the death of a friend. Scandal. a graduate of the School for . Callous. Gifted with great fortitude told that one of to bear the evils afflicting another. b. 'tis true. ad]. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. When Zeno was his enemies was no more he was observed to be "What!" said one of his deeply moved. disciples." replied the great Stoic." Calumnus. and good fortune to others. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves.43 Empire consisting of the members of his predecessor's Ministry the royal garden. "you weep at the death of an enemy?" "Ah.

the dinner. «. n. Capital. n. Jesters The seat of misgovernment. Capital Punishment. humpshow busi- —the It camel proper and the camel improper. the table and the knife and fork for the anarchist. . n. n. Carmelite. Cannibal. the part of the repast that himself supplies is the disgrace before meat. A mendicant friar of the order Mount Carmel. A gastronome of the old school who to the natural diet of the preserves the simple tastes and adheres p re-pork period. That the pot. instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries. is the latter that is always exhibited. n.44 Camel. The motley worn by of the Court of Heaven. which provides the fire. A quadruped (the Splaypes idorsus) of great value to the There are two kinds of camels ness. a penalty regarding the justice and expediency of — of worthy persons —including which many the assassins all entertain grave misgivings. Cannon. An Canonicals.

Smiling long and wide: "I'll give. "Ho. holy father. they Will ride to the devil!" and thump Fell the flat of his dart on the rump Of the charger. Give that her holy sons may And Death replied. I'll give thee —a ride. he sprang his spear. Mount Carmel he took his way. Some With a holy leer and a pious grin. Where he met a mendicant monk. in the name of the Church. live !" O give. Till the rocks and the flocks and the trees that grew By the road were dim and blended and blue in size To Of the wild.43 As Death was Across a-riding out one day. Who Give held out his hands and cried: I pray. with the neck and the foot his Seized the fellow. famous Pale Horse. fat Ragged and and as saucy as sin. three or four quarters drunk. "Give." With a rattle and bang Of From By his bones. which galloped away. give in Charity's name. ho! A beggar on horseback. and put Him astride with his face to the rear. wide eyes the rider — . — Faster and faster and faster it flew. The Monarch laughed loud with a sound that coffin's fell Like clods on the sounding shell: say.

And the mourners' intentions By the body erecting Its head and objecting its To further proceedings in behalf. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian. And steered it within the pale Of the monastery gray. And so in due course was appointed Prior. G. Carnivorous. The dictum might be improved. The monk has long been a dusty corse. however.46 Resembling a couple of blackberry pies. Many a year and many a day Have passed since these events away. as a tomb might laugh foiled At a burial service spoiled. Cartesian. his heirs and assigns. author of the celebrated dictum. thus: Cogito . Where the beast was stabled and fed With barley and oil and bread Till fatter it grew than the fattest friar. adj. And Death For the has never recovered his horse. Relating to Descartes. adj. friar got hold of its tail.J. a famous philosopher. Cogito ergo sum ^whereby he was pleased to suppose he demonstrated the reality of — human existence. Death laughed again.

47 cogito ergo cogito sum —"I think that I think. Elevenson." as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made. Cemetery. n. Cat. mew. therefore I think that I am . and his friends. poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager. lives they were a rebuke. indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. This is a cat. This is a frog. dog. . Run. whose loose as vices. rat. frog. gnaw. The inscriptions following will serve to attained in illustrate the success these Olympian games: His virtues were to so conspicuous that his enemies. This is a rat. n. This is a dog. cat. n. A soft. A critic of our own work. Caviler. represented fam- them ily. They are here commemorated by his who shared them. unable to overlook them. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies. denied them. Jump.

n. had to go there. The scripture story of the head of John the Baptist on a charger shows that pagan myths have somewhat sophisticated sacred history. and Mary Frazer. P. —Gabriel One Centaur. and . has averaged all the estimates. of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation. Clara. Cerberus. Professor Graybill. who to the wisdom and virtues of the horse added the fleetness of man. everybody. will raise her." The best of the lot was Chiron. whose duty it was to guard the entrance against — whom or what does not clearly appear. and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance.48 In the earth we here prepare a little Place to lay our — Thomas M. «. "Every man his own horse. and who followed the primitive economic maxim. and some of the poets have credited him with as many as a hundred. The watch-dog of Hades. sooner or later. Cerberus is known to have had three heads. whose clerky erudition and profound knowledge of Greek give his opinion great weight. S.

One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. all While the church bells made a solemn din— A fire-alarm to those who lived in sin. One who life of sin. follows the teach- ings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a I I dreamed stood upon a hill. lo! The With godly multitudes walked to and fro fitly clad.• 49 makes the number twenty-seven a judgment that would be entirely conclusive if Professor Graybill had known (a) something about dogs. With tranquil face. and (b) something about arithmetic. and. spare figure in a robe of white. upon that holy show A tall. appropriately sad. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth the sin of —two removes from manhaod and three from the remorse of age. Christian. «. Whose . eyes diffused a melancholy light. in Sabbath garments pious mien. — Childhood. Beneath. Then saw I gazing thoughtfully below. n.

A person.J. — A Clergyman. An instrument of torture Clarionet. — that he is a blockhead." He raised his eyes and with a look so stern It made me with a thousand blushes burn his manner with disdain was spiced "What! I a Christian? No. stranger. ponies and elephants are permitted to see men. Replied — Circus. are a Christian too." G. commonly a woman. management method Clio. No And yer I entertain the hope that you. n.: 50 keep you. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet two clarionets. who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron namely. One of the nine Muses. "You are doubt (your habit shows it) from afar. indeed! I'm Christ. n. Clairvoyant. n. man who undertakes the of our spiritual affairs as a of bettering his temporal ones. A place where horses. operated by a person with cotton in his ears. n. "God Like these good people. tion n. women and children acting the fool. Clio's func- was to preside over history —which she ." I exclaimed.

the meetings being addressed by Messrs. Xenophon. all There's plenty. Clock^ n. too. A busy man complained one day: "I get no time!" "What's that you say?" the time there is. "You have. Herodotus and other popular speakers.." Purzil Crofe. Close-fisted. A machine of great moral value to man. a lazy quiz. adj. Unduly desirous of keep- ing that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain. "Close-fisted Scotchman!" Johnson cried To "See thrifty J. sir. — 51 of the prominseats did with great dignity. and don't you doubt it We're never for an hour without it. allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him. Cried out his friend. ent citizens of many Athens occupying on the platform." — . Macpherson me I'm ready to divide With any worthy person.

sir. O coenobite. Commerce. Monastical gregarian. With dropping shots he makes him sick. A n. The tribute that we pay achievements that resemble. and for A compensation B picks the pocket of to E. The boast requires no And all are worthy. to you. «. to n." Anita M. CCENOBITE. You differ from the anchorite. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness. up to meditate upon the and to keep it fresh in wickedjoins mind a brotherhood of awful examples. A man who piously shuts himsin of his ness.— 52 Said Janjie: "That is very true backing. but do not equal. Commendation. our own. Quincy Giles. Comfort. kind of transaction in which plunders from B the goods of C. That solitudinarian: With vollied prayers you wound Old Nick. D of money belonging . O Coenobite. Who have what you are lacking. Bobe. self n.

Their lungs of tubercles. By chairs acrobatic and wavering floors The mattress that kicks and the pillow that snores! Sons of cupidity. Q. n. Avenging the friend whom I couldn't work in. Such an adjustment of coneach adversary the flicting interests as gives . This commonwealth's Capitol's corridors view. microbes. Disturbed be their dreams by the awful discourse Of audible sofas sepulchraUy hoarse. frequent impalement their pleasure impair. bacilli. An administrative ent- operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasites. So thronged with a hungry and indolent crew Of clerks. fleas by the bushel inhabit their shirts. aches and diseases full encamp in their bones. On and on pages. Misfortune attend and disaster befall! May May May May May And life be to them a succession of hurts. K. Compromise. porters Whom That a rascals appoint and all attaches and the populace pays cat cannot slip through the thicket of shins its Nor hear clerks own shriek for the noise of their chins. logically active but fort- uitously efficient. ity n. porters. corn-cobs be snared without hope in their hair. their tissues infest. bladders of stones. and and all. pages.— 53 Commonwealth. And tapeworms securely their bowels digest. cradled in sin! Your criminal ranks may the death angel thin.

n. confided by him to C. n. Congratulation. Conservative. "Pauillac." he murmured and n. The eloquence of power. Congress.54 satisfaction of thinking ought not to he has got what he have. To show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy. A specialist who knows something and nothing about anything else. 1873. n. Compulsion. A statesman who is enam- . Confidant. Connoisseur. The civility of envy. Condole. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B. died. n. i. some wine was poured everything about upon his lips to revive him. An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision. and is deprived of no- thing except what was justly his due. v. Confidante. body of men who meet to repeal laws. A n.

a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.— ored of existing the Liberal. Consult. Consolation. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on. Consul. With his own fangs inflict the fatal wound. t. n. like a snake that's fastened rage. In controversy with the facile tongue That bloodless warfare of the old and young So seek your adversary to engage That on himself he shall exhaust his And. to the ground. n. The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed. v. . as — 55 distinguished from who wishes to replace them with others. A battle in which spittle or ink replaces the injurious cannon-ball and the inconsiderate bayonet. Contempt. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than n. yourself. evils. n. Controversy. In American politics.

" or. A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities. Coronation. "By the way. Each proposition prefaced with. "As you wisely say. He'll sweep And I cannot dispute. in his wrath them pitilessly from his path. a sovereign with the ." Then leave the rest To And him. And taunt him to refute them. A place of retirement for women for leisure to meditate who wish upon the vice of idleness. "As you've So well remarked. Runs through your argument. Advance then gently all you wish to prove. n. Conmore Apel Brune. n. better far expressed. The ceremony of investing outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb. Conversation. secure that he'll perform his trust prove your views intelligent and just.56 You ask Adopt his me how this miracle own opinions. This view of which. one is done? by one. Convent^ n. each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor." it or.

n. that human wisdom for whereas is admirably figured and symbolized. Coward. Court Fool. fool's substitute for brains. «. without individ- Corsair. The plaintiff." Giacomo Smith.57 Corporal. A n. crayfish doth the move only backward. but In this small fish I take it less indigestible. n. n. politician of the seas. Fiercely the battle raged and. in a perilous One who emergency thinks with his legs. naught but the perils already . Crayfish. A man who occupies the lowest rung of the military ladder. Our corporal heroically fell! Fame from her height looked down upon the brawl And said: "He hadn't very far to fall. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster. Craft. and can have only seeing retrospection. Corporation. n. sad to tell. A «. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit ual responsibility.

Beyond the Jordan's flood. critic's Fling back the mud. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions. n. but only to apprehend their nature afterward. n. owe its significance to the most solemn event in the history of Christbut really antedating it by thousands .58 passed. And as he legs it through the His pelt a sable hue. There is a land of pure delight. Orrin Goof. n. n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut. An ancient religious symbol errone- ously supposed to ianity. skies. A person who boasts himself nobody tries to hard to please because please him. Creditor. Cross. He sorrows sore to recognize missiles that The he threw. so the wisdom of man doth not enable him to avoid the follies that beset his course. Critic. Where saints. Cremona.^-Sir James Merivale. apparelled all in white.

has ne'er an eye Seen her of winsome manner And youthful grace and pretty face Flaunting the White Cross banner ? Now where's the To better our need of speech and screed behaving? A Is. be good !" the sisterhood Cry out in holy chorus.: 59 it has been believed to be identical with the crux ansata of the ancient phallic worship. first. And wants to sin don't let him. the reverend Father Gassalasca Jape smites the lyre to the effect following Red "Be good. By many even beyond all that we know of that. We the the White Cross as a symbol of chastity. Having in mind the former. is he worth saving?) dears. But why. — . to the have to-day rites of primitive peoples. and Cross as a badge of benevolent neutrality in war. when he declines to flee From bad thoughts that beset him. to dissuade from sin. but it has been traced of years. O why. And. parade Their various charms before us. Ignores the Law as 't were a straw. simpler plan for saving man (But.

satis- faction much mental and great material adversity. Of all unbeautiful and this is the most and offensive." so-called An Italian proverb says: skins of furrier gets the Cupid. The notion of symbolizing sexual love by a semisexless babe. The god of love. n. giving it birth. and comparing the pains of passion to the wounds of an arrow of introducing this pudgy homunculus into art grossly to materialize the subtle spirit and suggestion of the work this is eminently worthy of the age that. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is .60 Cm Bono? do me} (Latin) What good would that Cunning. n. laid it on the appropriate conceptions reasonless — — doorstep of posterity. The faculty that a weak animal or person from It brings its possessor distinguishes a strong one. "The more foxes than asses. This bastard creation of a barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for the in- sins of its deities. n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. Curiosity.

Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his n. Professor Groke. is the liability to a cursing insurance. is commonly fatal to the victim. glackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are. which the learned Dr. on the contrary. the is lost. Curse. thinks it expressed an emotion of tumultuous delight. Dolabelly Gak satis- it is believed to have been a term of implying the highest possible degree of mental tranquillity. This is an operation which v. t. v. A By word formerly much used by meaning of the Paphlagonians. because it so frefaction. . Nevertheless. A vision. D Damn. particularly in the drama. a risk that cuts life but a small figure in fixing the rates of Cynic. in literature. Energetically to belabor with a verbal slap-stick. not as they ought to be.61 one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.

preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. i. but all requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent. v. when it sleeps. ities «. are There those many kinds of dances. and warmly loved by the vicious. meaning "joy. n. Man But girds at and despises." It would be with great diffidence that I should advance an opinion conflicting with that of either of these formidable authorities. A savage beast which. qual- Datary. takes himself away by leaps And bounds when it arises.62 quently occurs in combination with the word jod or god. To leap about to the sound of tittering music. Dance. A high is ecclesiastic official of the Roman function Catholic Church. Danger. Daring. of One of the most conspicuous a man in security. whose important to brand the Pope's bulls with . Ambat Delaso. «.

— business. and otherwise mortifying the flesh. These two kinds of social activity overlap. n. mostly This period is divided into two parts. Done with the work of breathing. to n. taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach. Certain old when men of reason go men prefer to rise at about that time. A period of twenty-four hours. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years. He enjoys a princely revenue and the friendship of God. or day improper the former devoted to sins of misspent. Day. the truth being that they are hearty and old.63 the words Datum Romee. adj. not because of their habits. Dead. Dawn. The time bed. but in spite of them. . The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it. done With all the world the mad race run . the latter consecrated to the other sort. the day proper and the night.

Yet-feels the narrow limits that impound him. it. but not enough is embarrass the choice. As. Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him. pent in an aquarium. Decalogue. enough to permit an Following intelligent selection for observance. A series of number to — just commandments. seeing naught around him. One who it. calc- ulated for this meridian. Vode. has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake Debt. Thou shalt no God but me adore: 'Twere too expensive to have more. the golden goal Attained and found to be a hole! Squatol Johnes. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver. So the poor debtor. the troutlet Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet. n. ten in «. it. Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him. Grieves at his debt and studies to evade And finds at last he might as well have paid Barlow S. Debauchee.Through to the end. . n. the revised edition of the Decalogue.

abet not those who kill. got G. Work But go not on Sabbath days at to see the all. Cheat. To succumb to the ance of one set of influences preponderover another set. teams play ball.»E. bill. caress. . select A time when it will have effect. i. Bear not false witness 'tis — that is low so. thou'lt never thus compete Successfully in business. That creates insurance lower rates.7. For Robert IngersoU Take not God's name in vain. Thou shalt not pay thy butcher's Kiss not thy neighbor's wife. or somehow. unless Thine own thy neighbor doth Don't steal . v. Kill not." But "hear rumored so and Covet thou naught that thou hast not By hook or crook. DecIi. Honor thy For life parents.— 05 No images nor idols make to break.

elate." "First thoughts are best?" That's not the moral. Degenerate." Down Cried: died the winds.66 A was riven from a tree. v. rising. required ten of them to raise . To tell the truth about another. Unable to attack.your choice may chance it to fall. You'll have no hand in at all. "I now shall steer.J. "Eastward. The contempor- Homer were it striking examples of degeneracy. Less conspicuously admir- able than one's ancestors. made him veer. we'll not quarrel. The west wind." With equal power they contend. " 'Twere wise to change my course. He said: "My judgment I suspend. adj. t. aries of adj. Defame. G. "I've decided to fall straight. Just choose your own and Howe'ti." The Said east he : wind rose with greater force." said he. "I mean to fall to earth. To lie about another." said leaf he. the leaf. Defenceless.

67 a rock or a riot that one of the heroes of the Trojan war could have raised with ease." which is perhaps why they suffered him to beg his Homer bread — a marked instance of returning if good have for evil. One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment. in Variously pro- Delegation. that flourished fashion. its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl. In American politics. Dejeuner. an icle of merchandise that comes in sets. n. for they had for- bidden starved. by the way. An the extinct when pachyderm Pterodactyl was in was a native of Ireland. Deinotherium. never tires of sneering at "men who live in these degenerate days. The breakfast of an Paris. American who has been nounced. art- . as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen latter it The printed. him he would certainly Degradation. n. n. «.

The deputy is n. A . Dependent. Affection. pulls coins out of A your pocket. Faith. Hope. Charity and many All other goodly sons and daughters. in a position to exact from his fears. Delusion! hail. experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world. Deputy. Were it not for thee The world For turned topsy-turvy we should see. A notable first Delusion. n. Deluge. respectable with cleanly fancies. Self-denial. male relative of an ofBceholder. putting metal into your mouth. Vice. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not adj. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. Dentist. The father of a most respect- able family. n. fly Would abandoned Virtue's gross advances. n. or of his bondsman. prestidigitator who. comprising Enthusiasm.68 Deliberation. Mumfrey Mappel. n.

with a red necktie and an intricate system of cobhis nose to his desk. . webs extending from When accidentally struck by the janitor's off a broom. whose And gestures violent you voices loud quell By some mysterious. So orderly all's done that they Who came to draw remain to pay. "Chief Deputy." the Master "To-day the books are to be tried By experts and accountants who Have been commissioned to go through Our office here. — I've long admired your punctual way Here at the break and close of day. But now the time demands. Rise And shake the lightnings from your eyes. cried. Please have the proper entries made.— — commonly a beautiful young man. Conforming to the whole amount Of cash on hand ^which they will count. Confronting in your chair the crowd Of business men. he gives cloud of dust. at last. calm spell Some magic lurking in your look That brings the noisiest to book And spreads a holy and profound all Tranquillity o'er around. The proper balances displayed. That you employ your genius vast In energies more active. to see if we Have stolen injudiciously.

physician's forecast of dis- by the patient's pulse and purse. from disorders Diary. when Hearst died. Diagnosis. and fling Your spirit into everything!" The Master's hand here dealt Upon the Deputy's bent back. n. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. withered. of his So the Recording Angel. Hearst kept a diary wherein were writ All thg. life." . Erased "I'll all entries own and I cried: judge you by your diary. a whack When straightway to the floor there fell A shrunken globe.t he had of wisdom and of wit. A blackened. ease n. n. A muscular partition separ- ating disorders of the chest of the bowels. Jamrach Holohom. eyeless head! The man had been a twelvemonth dead. Destiny. Said Hearst "Thank you 'twill show you am Saint the First"^ . A n. Diaphragm. A daily record of that part of one's relate to himself without which he can blushing. a rattling shell.: 70 Inspire your underlings.

And Hell's no latitude for making mirth. This dictionary. however. Dictionary. gravely closed the book and gave friend. n. die is cast.— 71 Straightway producing. is a most useful work. n. some one says: not true. for it is cut. "Never say die. however." At long "The intervals. Die." He said. The chief of a nation that pre- fers the pestilence of despotism to the plague of anarchy. jubilant and proud. Glooming and gleaming as by turns he hit On shallow sentiment and stolen wit. The Angel slowly turned the pages o'er. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. wandered from your proper track: You'd never be content this side the tomb For big ideas Heaven has little room. "My "The Mad Philosopher. Each stupid line of which he knew before." We seldom hear the word. you've it Then back." Dictator. The singular of "dice." which is The word is found in an immortal couplet . and kicked the fellow back to earth. n. because there is a prohibitory proverb. That record from a pocket in his shroud.

t. i. Diplomacy.72 by that eminent poet and domestic economist. infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia. The conversion of victuals into the process is When imperfect. virtues. Discussion. To present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which . . n.he has deemed it advantageous to embrace. n. Disabuse. Senator Depew: A cube of cheese no larger than a die bait the trap to catch a nibbling mie. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is. v. The patriotic art of lying for one's country. vices are evolved instead —a circumstance from which that wicked writer. Dr. May Digestion. more objectionable than another. n. A method of confirming others in their errors. if possible. v. Jeremiah Blenn. Discriminate.

occult. disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend. The art of nosing out the is Divination of as many kinds as there are fruit-bearing varieties of the flow- ering dunce and the early fool. priate v. to the To celebrate with an appro- ceremony the maturity of a com- mand. The silver lining cloud of servitude. n. Disobey. keep. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs. n. if that fit observance e'er alike I shut May I and duty be undone. Let us dissemble. A n. t. His right to govern me is clear as day.— 73 Disobedience. v. . and Distress. Israfel Brown. i. n. Distance. To put a clean shirt upon the character. Adam. Dissemble. Divination. My And duty manifest to disobey.

n. seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition. while his master worked for the means wherewith to purchase an idle wag of the Solomonic tail. glory never lay upon a door-mat Dragoon. in the affection is of Woman. He toils neither does he spin. n. This Divine Being in some of his smaller and silkier incarnations takes. sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat. n. Priests and ministers of an which did not disdain to employ the humble allurement of ancient Celtic religion human sacrifice. yet Solomon in all his all day long. the human male vival place to which there aspirant. Druids. n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. One who adapts plays from the French. Very little is now known . Dramatist. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on horseback.74 Dog. —an The Dog is a sur- anachronism. no not.

although his talent for human went to Britain. heathens and as they were once complacently catalogued by a distinguished prelate of the Church of England Dissenters. if awkwardly performed the most unexpected and deplorable consequences sometimes ensue. re- Duel. in short. Caesar himself went but does not appear to have obtained any high preferment in the Druidical Church. sacrifice — Duck-bill.— 75 about the Druids and their spread eastward as far says those teries as faith. its who desired to study mys- to Britain. Druids performed their religious rites in groves. They were. A formal skill is necessary to its satisfactory observ- ance. originating in Britain. was considerable. Pliny Caesar says their religion. Persia. ceremony preliminary to Great the reconciliation of two enemies. A long time ago a man lost his life in a duel. and knew nothing of church mortgages and the season-ticket system of pew rents. . n. Your account at your staurant during the canvas-back season. n.

and wish that live had been my lot To my life out in some favored spot it is Some country where considered nice or slice To split a rival like a fish. The Dullards with Adam. Philistia. Dar. knot ice. A And husband like a spud. Some miscreants whom I do long To The I shoot. and being both numerous and sturdy have overrun the habitable world. stress of starv- their dulness having blighted the crops. times of the Crusades they withdrew thence . dynasty in in came whence they were driven by ation. me they came. or with a shot in a Bring down a debtor doubled ready to be put upon the there are. n.— 76 That I dueling's a gentlemanly vice it hold. A member of the reigning letters and life. or stab. or some such way reclaim scurvy rogues to better lives and manners. The Dullards came originally from Boeotia. The secret of their power is their insensibility to blows. see seem to them now if —a mighty throng. For some centuries they infested and many of them are called In the turbulent Philistines to this day. It looks as to challenge Jauntily marching with brass bands and banners! Xamha Q. Dullard. tickle them with a bludgeon and they laugh with a platitude.

literature. Illinois. by but little short of thirty millions. J. including the statisticians. and he took the king's bread. who'd to kissed Lady Port. Duty. G. Sir Lavender Portwine. art. take the king's head. Instead. their in- and conversion has been rapid and steady. His anger provoked him But duty prevailed. The intellectual centre of somewhere about Peoria. . along the line of desire. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit. n. science and theology.. Since a the Pilgrims in the detachment of Dullards came over with Mayflower and made a favorable report of the country. According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is crease birth. but the New England Dullard is the most the race is shockingly moral. occupying most of the high places in politics. immigration. in favor at court. Was wroth at his master. 77 and gradually overspread all Europe.

Two female gossips in converse free them was she. Secretly to overhear a catalogue of the crimes and vices of another or yourself. beginning an anecdote. v. "that not say I did ing it. . with a pout. indignant." Eavesdrop. "What!" interrupted Rochedrawing-room?" I briant." said Brillat-Savarin. I was eating my dinner. humectation." said one. but enjoyhad dined an hour before. enjoying my dinner. A lady with one of her ears applied To The an open keyhole heard. inquisitive minx!" As soon as no more of it she could hear The "To lady. removed her ear. "I was in the drawing-room. To perform the successively (and sucof cessfully) functions mastication." she said. "and my husband thinks That she's a prying. subject engaging inside. "I will not stay. and deglutition. i. i." ex- plained the great gastronome.— 78 E Eat. hear my character lied about!" Gopete Sherany. v. monsieur. "eating dinner in a "I must beg you to observe. "I think.

n. as a Good to eat. who flings about him the splintering lightning and sturdy thunders of admonition till he resembles a bunch of firecrackers petulantly uttering its mind at the tail of a dog.. a snake to a pig. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity. but so charit- able withal that he tolerates the virtues of others and the vices of himself. Economy. but placable with an obolus a severely virtuous censor. a pig to a man. to and wholesome to worm a toad. upon the throne of thought. Editor. digest. high-pinnacled straightway a murmurs mild. soft as the cooing of a donkey intoning Master of its prayer to the evening star. a toad to a snake. then melodious lay. ial n. his face suf- . Edible. Rhadamanthus and iEacus. n. mysteries and lord of law. 79 Eccentricity. and a man to a worm. adj. A person who combines the judicof is functions Minos.

his power is fiddle-dee-dee. Mendacious. O. Ungracious. Education. his dim splendors legs of the Trans- intertwisted and his tongue a-cheek. Respected contemporaree /. the Lord of Law on the Throne of Thought. blundering. is A Of gilded impostor he. plundering Affected. free. H. That which discloses to the . Silly old quilly old Monarch of Thought. Himself is an ass. And His crown is brass. n. Public opinion's camp-follower he. or bidding him turn off the wisdom and whack up some at intervals is And of the temple pathos. the editor along the paper and cuts suit. it spills his will off in lengths to from behind the veil heard the voice of the foreman demanding three inches of wit and six lines of religious meditation. Suspected. shreds and patches his robes are wrought.! 80 fused with the figuration. Prankily. crankily prating of naught. Thundering. Bumbleshook.

A Megaceph. more interested in himself than in me. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same b.81 wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. To be told how every when the speaker demands member stands. And we cannot have. called a Cause. knotty and queer. at the eminent egotist. chosen to serve the State In the halls of legislative debate. n. is is said to sens- no more would be for one who has never seen a dog except in pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of the dog. generate the other—^which ible than it The first. n. An approved remedy for the It is disease of garrulity. . in cases of also much used extreme poverty. under the sky 'I'. person of low taste. One day with all his credentials came To the Capitol's door and announced his name. with a comical twist Of the face." A man who to all things Assents by eternally voting Ejection. Egotist. The doorkeeper looked. And said "Go away. Effect. order. for we settle here : All manner of questions.

«. choice. The memory of Dr. where a waxen effigy of life him was services recently on exhibition. particularly in France. bearing the follow- ing touching account of his to science: and "Monsieur Franqulin. inventor of illustrious electricity. died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages. question of its economical application to some purposes is still unsettled. . This savant.82 Elector. One who enjoys the sacred priv- ilege of voting for the man of another man's Electricity. after having made several voyages around the world. It is the same thing as lightning. The power that causes all phenomena not known to be caused natural by something else. Franklin is justly held in great reverence. of ment was ever recovered. but experiment has already proved that it will propel a street car better than a gas jet and The give more light than a horse." whom not a single frag- Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. Franklin is one of the most picturesque incidents in that great and good man's and its career. famous attempt to strike Dr. n.

The most famous English example begins somewhat like this: A The cur foretells the knell of parting day. The loafing herd winds slowly o'er the lea. Elysium. the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind the dampest kind of dejection. composition in verse. This ridiculous and mischievous fable was swept oflf the face of the earth by the early Christians may their souls be happy in Heaven — Emancipation.! 83 Elegy. n. in which. I only stay To fiddle-faddle in a minor key. n. from the tyranny ism of himself. A bondman's change of another to the despot- . to be. n. without employing any of the methods of humor. The wise man homeward plods. n. An imaginary delightful country which the ancients foolishly believed to be inhabited by the spirits of the good. Eloquence. The is art of orally persuading fools that white the color that it appears It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

rivets Tightened the own. is doomed to a long inutility. . «. We shall get him after awhile if we are spared. but in violet and rose are languishing for a nibble at his glutceus maximus. the Egyptians made their once fertile and populous country barren and incapable of supporting more than a meagre crew. him to the bone.84j He was a His iron slave: at collar cut word he went and came. To cheat vegetation by lockit ing up the gases upon which feeds. By dead and thereby deranging the natural balance between animal and vegetable life. Embalm. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. and inscribed his Then Liberty erased his owner's name. and many a dead man who ought now to be ornamenting his neighbor's lawn as a tree. The modern metallic burial casket is a step in the same direction. J. their embalming or enriching his table as a bunch of radishes. G. t. the meantime the Emotion. v. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.

it. n. A moment later he was dead. The man was perishing apace Who The played the tambourine: seal of death was on his face Twas "This is pallid. End." the sick man said In faint and failing tones. And Tambourine was Bones.— 85 Encomiast. for 'twas clean. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by dejection. Tinley Roquot. n. n. Enough. curable by small doses of repentance in connec- . Strunk. All there is in the world if Enough is as good as a feast — for that matter platter. n. the end. A distemper of youth. The position farthest removed on either hand from the Interlocutor. you like pro. Enthusiasm. A special (but not partic- ular) kind of liar. Enougher's as good as a feast and the Arbely C. Entertainment.

sharp saying in prose or verse. short. from the officer of lower rank to whom his death would give n. who recovered long enough ence. frequently characterized by acidity An Epigram. love-letter. Epaulet. bed-gown of a «. Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity." had a relapse which carried him off to Missolonghi. to call it "entuzy-muzy. holding that pleasure should be the chief aim of man. wasted no time in gratification of the senses. serving to distinguish a military officer from the enemy that is to say. the husk of a remittance. an abstemious philosopher who. An — promotion. tion with — Envelope. n. A or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom. Envy. the scabbard of a bill. n. The coffin of a document. Epicure. ornamented badge. the n.86 outward applications of experiByron. • Folepi- lowing are some of the more notable . opponent of Epicurus.

it. females and girls. There Beauty this: they are three sexes. In each human heart are a tiger. They less to be ashamed of. an ass and a is nightingale. in women and distinction in men are alike in seem to the unthinking a kind of credibility. know better the needs of ourselves than of is To serve oneself economy of administration. males. Who showed us life as all should live forgive it! Let that be said —and God . humble and all that. pious. Epitaph. Women have in love are less ashamed than men. «. Jamrach Holobom: We others. for your hands you are you can watch both his.: 87 grams of the learned and ingenious Dr. a pig. Diversity of character due to their unequal activity. Wise. show- ing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect. While your friend holds you affectionately by both safe. An inscription on a tomb. Following is a touching example Here lie the bones of Parson Piatt.

The ancient philoexoteric. adj. 'twas right to be a thief. those that nobody could understand. various tribes of ethnologists. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was . Pute. and Eucharist. Very particularly abstruse and consummately occult. Dust shaken out of a book skull. as that treats of the robbers. The science Man. n. thieves. into an n. It is the latter that have most profoundly affected modern thought and found greatest acceptance in our time. Romach Esoteric. He knew Creation's origin and plan And only came by accident to griefs He thought. and esoteric. lunatics. poor man. empty So wide his erudition's mighty span.— 88 Erudition. swindlers. idiots dunces. Ethnology. those sophies were of two kinds. n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. that the philosophers themselves could partly understand.

89 that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain. Eulogy. entitled. adj. for I am not unaware of the existence of a bulky volume by a sometime Bishop of Partial Definition of Worcester. and is still. n. His book was once esteemed of great authority in the Anglican Church. n. the Word "Everlasting. Lasting forever. A bearer of good tidings. Evangelist. Exception. diffidence that I venture to with no small offer this brief and elementary definition. . or the consideration to be dead. It is Everlasting." as Used in the A Authorized Version of the Holy Scriptures. and the question is still unsettled. n. I understand. erty to differ A thing which takes the libfrom other things of its class. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power. studied with pleasure to the mind and profit to the soul. salvation particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own and the dam- nation of our neighbors.

"Exceptio probat regulam" means that the exception tests the rule. an indulgence that en- by appropriate penalties the law of moderation. Excess. not confirms it. and line on Could ne'er persuade so sweetly to agree With reason as thy touch. who afterward would falter To make new sacrifices at thine altar! . who parrot it upon the lips of the igfrom one another with In the never a thought of its absurdity. At thy command eschewing pleasure's cup. for Ungrateful he can't get up. as my paunch thy Precept on precept. etc. exact and free. a truthful woman.— 90 . an honest man. "The exception proves the rule" is an exas pression constantly norant. To thee in worship do I bend the knee Who preach abstemiousness unto me shrine. Latin. puts it to the proof. aye. high Excess — especially in wine. forces n. My skull thy pulpit. Upon my forehead and along my spine. In morals. line. Hail. With the hot grape I warm no more my wit When on thy stool of penitence I sit I I'm quite converted. The malefactor who drew his the meaning from this excellent dictum and substituted a contrary one of own exerted an evil power which ap- pears to be immortal.

once. The it he approves it.— 91 Excommunication. sinner whose opinions are a scandal A rite permitting Satan to enslave him Forever. whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the power until such time as the judepartment shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no efifect. does not require the approval of the Supreme Court until having perhaps many years somebody objects to its against himself if — I mean his client. The Lunarian Astonished legislative dicial — & Co. 1803: Lunarian: passed a law it Then when your Congress has goes directly to the Supreme Court in at once be order that it may known whether it it is con- stitutional ? Terrestrian: been enforced for operation President. Boston. is a word ecclesiastical oft heard. with bell. book and candle. Following is an extract from an old book enPfeiflfer titled. the executive power is a part of . This "excommunication" In speech n. n. Gat Huckle. An officer of the Government. O no. And means Some the damning. begins to execute at Lunarian: Ah. Executive.. and forbidding Christ to save him.

be validated. to put theconscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort. So how can any Exhort. It What is that ? Terrestrian: one know? has been defined by five hun- dred lawyers in three volumes each. death warrant is not valid until signed by the murderer. we are not so consistent. Lunarian: But this system of maintaining an expensive judicial machinery to pass upon the validity of laws only after they have long been executed. In religious affairs. My you put it too strongly. laws require the approval of those intended to restrain. and then only when brought before the court by some private person —does it not cause great confusion? Terrestrian: It does. but by that of the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court? Terrestrian: There is no precedent for any such course. Lunarian : Precedent. Do : your policemen also have to ap- prove the local ordinances that they enforce? Terrestrian Not yet — at least not in their all character of constables. v. previously to being executed. t. Lunarian: Why then should not your laws. Generally speaking. whom they are Lunarian: Terrestrian: I see.92 the legislative. though. The friend. not by the signature of your President. .

journeying through night and fog. Joel Frad Bink. Coldly received. Reveals the path that he should not have gone. when he had been hanged sir. is Wherein nothing yet all things do seem: From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge Of our bedfellow Death. mired neck-deep in an unwholesome bog. Experience." replied: An but I should like to anchor on it. . n. 3d.! 93 Exile. horrible. like the rising of the dawn. and cry: "O fudge!" Experience. One who serves his country by re- siding abroad. War with the whole world Existence. The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaint- ance the folly that braced. the unparalleled at following memorandum was he had kept found in the ship's log that the time of his reply: Aug. Made a joke on the ex-Isle of Erin. as a pirate after a career of atrocities. fantastic dream. we have already em- To Is one who. 1842. yet is not an ambassador. n. English sea-captain being asked if he had read "The Exile of Erin. "No. n. A transient." Years afterwards.

that formerly inhabited the forests. The sight greatly staggered him. The son of a wealthy bourgeois disappeared about the same time. Fairy. which theology created the future state. but afterward returned. while passing through a park after dining with the lord of the manor. The fairies are now believed by naturalists to be extinct. A creature. n.94 Expostulation. and somewhat addicted to dancing and the theft of children. It was nocturnal in its habits. The raw material out of n. In the year 1807 a troop of fairies visited a wood near Aix and carried off the daughter of a peasant. He had seen the abduction and meadows and . Extinction. n. who had been seen to enter it with a bundle of clothing. One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends. and he was so affected that his account of it was incoherent. variously fashioned and endowed. though a clergyman of the Church of England saw three near Colchester as lately as 1855.

told Belief without evidence in what by one who speaks without know- ledge. is n. Done adj. and was universally respected.95 been in pursuit of the fairies. there were seven hundred bodies of the slain which the villagers had to bury. In the time of Henry IH. after it had resumed its original shape and gone away. And his twistings are greatly admired. of things without parallel. and that the next day. a writer of the fourteenth century. of England. or mamynge" a fairy. Well. Faith. behold to a turn Him who Content? to be famous aspired. Conspicuously miserable. . wowndit ynge. Famous. a law was made which prescribed the death penalty for "Kyllynge. Hassan Brubuddy. avers that so great is the fairies' power of transformation that he saw one change itself into two opposing armies and fight a battle with great slaughter. on the iron. his grill has a plating of gold. He does not say if any of the wounded recovered. Justinian Gaux.

A despot ule and obey. A leech consoled the weepers He spread small rags with liquid gum And covered half their peepers. Each dropped one eyelid when before The throne he ventured. A religious celebra- by gluttony and drunkenness. whom the wise ridic- A king there was who lost an eye In some excess of passion. the flame its name Naramy Oof. That's how court-plaster got Unless I'm greatly lying.: 96 Fashion. thinking 'Twould please the king. The court all wore the stuff. Of royal anger dying. What should To hazard They dared they do? They were not hot such disaster. And straight his courtiers all did try To follow the new fashion. not close an eye —dared not See better than their master. n. That monarch swore He'd slay them all for winking. A festival. Seeing them lacrymose and glum. tion n. frequently in honor of some usually signalized . Feast.

discretion. or unfair. m. But when the Devil came and saw He said: "By Thine eternal law . . under the name of Nemeseia. From elephants to bats and snails. lieved that the ancient dead. sex. The Maker. Among many feasts of the Romans was Novemto Livy. were light eaters. . according whenever stones fell from heaven. With living things had stocked the earth. One of the opposing. ity has Female. for all were males. They all were good." but the celebrants are uniformly immovable until they are full. as in modern times they are popular with the Chinese though it is beness. at Creation's birth. which was held. by the Aztecs and Peruvians. Felon. In their earliest development these entertainments took the form of feasts for the dead such were held by the Greeks.97 holy person distinguished for abstemiousIn the Roman Catholic Church feasts are "movable" and "immovable. the like the the modern. diale. n. A person of greater enterprise than who in embracing an opportunformed an unfortunate attachment.



growth, maturity, decay,
leave untenanted the earth

These aM must quickly pass away




dost establish birth"


tucked his head beneath his wing



—he had no


the thing

With That he'd suggested to the Lord. The Master pondered this advice, Then shook and threw the fateful
deviltry did so accord.


Wherewith all matters here below Are ordered, and observed the throw;


bent His head in awful


Confirming the decree of Fate.

From every part of The conscious dust



consenting flew,

While rivers from their courses rolled To make it plastic for the mould. Enough collected (but no more, For niggard Nature hoards her store)




to flexile clay,

While Nick unseen threw some away.
then the various forms



Gross organs


finer last;


one at once evolved, but

even touches grew and small

Degrees advanced,

shade by shade.



all living


He'd made

Females, complete in

all their

Except (His clay gave out) the hearts.


matter," Satan cried


"with speed

fetch the verv hearts they need"

So flew away and soon brought back

The number

needed, in a sack.

night earth rang with sounds of strife-^
million males had each a wife;


night sweet Peace her pinions spread

O'er Hell

ten million devils dead!



Fib, n.


lie that

has not cut





nearest approach to truth:

the perigee of his eccentric orbit.









Himself a


fibbed like any thief.

Perhaps he thought to weaken


proof that even himself was not a slave


Truth; though
been of

I suspect the

aged knave

Had Had

her servitors the chief

he but known a

reluctant leaf

more than e'er she wore on land or wave. No, David served not Naked 'Iruth when he Struck that sledge-hammer blow at all his race; Nor did he hit the nail upon the head: For reason shows that it could never be, And the facts contradict him to his face. Men are not liars all, for some are dead.
Bartle Quinker.




iterated satiety of

aa en-

terprising affection.



instrument to tickle



friction of a horse's tail

on the en-

trails of a cat.

To Rome



"If to smoke you turn

I shall not cease to fiddle while

you burn."

To Nero Rome 'Tis my excuse

"Pray do your worst, that you were fiddling first."




virtue peculiar to those


are about to be betrayed.




art or science of


revenues and resources for the best advant-

age of the manager.

word with





The pronunciation of long and the accent on one of America's most

precious discoveries and possessions.




colored rag borne above troops

and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs
that one sees on vacant lots in


"Rubbish may be shot here."

The Second Person

of the secular




change one's opinions and go over to another party. The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus, who has been severely criticised as a turn-coat by some of our partisan journals.






prototype of punctuation.

of punctuation in use

observed by Garvinus that the systems by the various literary

nations depended originally

upon the


and general

diet of the flies infesting

These creatures, which have always been distinguished for a neighborly and companionable familiarity with
the several countries.
authors, liberally or niggardly embellish the manuscripts in process of growth under the pen, according to their bodily habit, bring-

ing out the sense of the

work by

a species

of interpretation superior

and independ-



masters" of literature
early writers





to say, the

whose work is so esteemed by later scribes and critics in the same language never punctuated at all, but worked

right along free-handed, without that ab-

ruption of the thought which comes from (We observe the same the use of points.

thing in children to-day, whose usage in this


a striking

and beautiful


stance of the law that the infancy of indiv-

methods and stages development characterizing the infancy of In the work of these primitive of races.) scribes all the punctuation is found, by the modern investigator with his optical instruments and chemical tests, to have been inserted by the writers' ingenious and serviceiduals reproduces the

able collaborator, the








for the purpose of either maktheir

ing the


or preserving what

they naturally regard as divine revelations,

and accurately copy whatever marks they find upon the papyrus
later writers reverently

or parchment, to the unspeakable enhance-


of the lucidity of the thought and

value of the work.

Writers contemporary

with the copyists naturally avail themselves of the obvious advantages of these marks in their own work, and with such assistance as the flies of their own household may be willing to grant, frequently rival and sometimes surpass the older compositions, in
spect at least of punctuation,




small glory.



understand the im-

portant services that



to literal-


only necessary to lay a page of
novelist alongside a saucer

some popular

of cream-and-molasses in a sunny

room and
the style

"how the wit brightens and

refines" in accurate proportion to the dura-

tion of exposure.





and faculty divine"


creative and controlling energy inMan's mind, guides his actions and

adorns his

Folly! although Erasmus praised thee once
authors known, power have shown, Deign to take homage from thy son who hunts Through all thy maze his brothers, fool and dunce, To mend their lives and to sustain his own,

In a thick volume, and


If not thy glory yet thy


feebly be his arrows thrown,

Howe'er each hide

the flying weapons blunts.

All-Father Folly! be

With With

lusty lung, here

mine on

to raise.

western strand

all thine oflFspring

thronged from every land,

Thyself inspiring me, the song of



too weak,

I'll hire,

to help



Dick Watson Gilder, gravest of us

Aratnis Loto Frope.



A person who pervades the domain

of intellectual speculation and dififuses him-



through the channels of moral activity. is omnific, omniform, omnipercipient,

omniscient, omnipotent.



was who




printing, the railroad,


steamboat, the telegraph, the platitude and He created pathe circle of the sciences.






founded theology, philosophy, law, medicine and Chicago.



archical and republican government. He is from everlasting to everlasting such as creation's dawn beheld he fooleth now. In the morning of time he sang upon primitive hills, and in the noonday of existence headed the procession of being. His grandmotherly hand has warmly tucked-in the set sun of civilization, and in the twilight he prepares Man's evening meal of milkand-morality and turns down the covers of

the universal grave.
us shall


after the rest of

have retired for the night of eternal oblivion he will sit up to write a history of





but might," the teacher said
definition's just."



boy said naught but thought instead,

FORGETFULNESS. and that millions of treasure have been expended in the effort to prove and disprove its compatibility with freedom of the will and the eflicacy of prayer. the history of the word. abase my spiritual eyes. The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors. n. braries to explain their explanations I when remember that nations have been divided and bloody battles caused by the difference between foreordination and predestination. FOREORDINATION. and written lito define.105 Remembering "Force is his pounded head: not might but must!" Forefinger. and a rerecalling these awful facts in ligious life. praise. fearing to con- template its portentous magnitude. A gift of God bestowed . I stand appalled before the mighty problem of its significa- — tion. . «. rever- and humbly refer it to His Eminence Cardinal Gibbons and His Grace ently uncover Bishop Potter. This looks like an easy word but when I consider that pious and learned theologians have spent long lives in explaining it. «.

He "You So all stood and pleaded unhabilimented.106 upon debtors in compensation for their des- titution of conscience. but use to asThe immunity sist in charging the knife. "Actions can't here be that way prosecuted.J. however. says an ancient law report. and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many advantages over the other tool. I see. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. of a poor person — In the character a is a method by which without money for lawyers con- siderately permitted to lose his case." poor Adam's motions coldly were denied: He went away — as he had come — nonsuited. of these persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking proofs of God's mercy to those that hate Him. Formerly the knife was employed for this purpose. which. G. When Adam long ago in Cupid's awful court (For Cupid ruled ere Adam was invented) Sued for Eve's favor. . Forma Pauperis litigant (Latin). sue in forma pauperis. n. they do not altogether reject. Fork." Eve cried.

nay. coldly." Freebooter." the the manifold temptations of too great wealth. whose annexations lack the sanctifying merit of magnitude. of n." said the officer. "an ye will not pray him thence for naught he must e'en stay "But look you. "this act hath rank as robbery of God!" "Nay. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite multitude of methods.107 Frankalmoigne. my son. tion of n. Freedom. and once when Henry VIII of England sent an officer to confiscate certain vast possessions which a monks held by frankalmoigne. "What!' said the Prior. In mediaeval times many of the wealthiest fraternities obtained their estates in this simple and cheap manner. A conqueror in a small way business." persisted good man. my master the king doth but deliver Him from roast. "would your master fraternity of our benefactor's soul in Purgatory?" "Ay. political condition that every nation sup- A . good father. n. The religious corporation holds lands tenure by which a on condi- praying for the soul of the donor.

that blows I hear her yell. indeed. On every w^ind. Liberty. And give her Hell. Freemasons. Among themselves apportion Heaven Blary O'Gary. Upon the pestilential blast cast Her clamors For all swell. to whom the power's given To sway or to compel. alists Freedom. Once shrieked as Kosciusko fell. The distinction between freedom .108 poses itself to enjoy in virtual monopoly. originating in the reign of Charles II. ceremonies and fantastic costumes. She screams whenever monarchs meet. among working artisans of Lon- . grotesque n. as every schoolboy knows. which. To bind the chains about her feet And toll her knell. And when the sovereign people The votes they cannot spell. An order with secret rites. And parliaments as well. and liberty is not accurately known naturhave never been able to find a living specimen of either.

109 don. Cyrus. Thothmes. The sea was calm and the sky was blue. glad. adj. Friendless. Merrily. has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and the Formless Void.) (High barometer maketh On the tipsy ship. but only one in foul. with a dreadful shout. . and Zoroaster. common Friendship. on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall. merrily sailed we two. among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids always by a Free- — mason. n. Addicted sense. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne. Confucius. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather. Solomon. to utterance Destitute of fortune. Julius Caesar. Buddha. Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome. of truth and Having no favors to bestow.

. ingenious and industrious Dr. so the programme was «. Schliemann has set the question forever at rest by uncovering the bones of the slain frogs. having a good voice but no Aristophanes. Armit Huff Settle. with truly oriental stoicism. One of the forms of moral suasion by which Pharaoh was besought to favor the Israelities was a plague of frogs. first changed. race. the music — provision of nature. enabling them to shine in a hurdle . The frog is a diligent songster. The mention of frogs in profane literature is in Homer's narrative of the war between them and the mice. A reptile with edible legs. but Pharaoh.a 110 The tempest descended and we fell (O the walking is nasty bad!) out. Richard Wagner. that he could stand it as long as the frogs and the Jews could. is The by libretto of his favorite opera. Frog. who liked them fricasees. Horses have a frog in each hoof — "brekekex-koax" thoughtful brief. ear. as written simple and effective is apparently by that eminent composer. remarked. but the learned. Skeptical persons have doubted Homer's authorship of the work.

Ill Frying-Pan. "Your intentions Are good. rewarding its devotees: Old Nick was summoned Said Peter: to the skies. to but as the consequences of its employment in this life reach over into the life to come. so also itself may be found on the other side. it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution. but you Concerning new lack enterprise inventions. and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin. n. . and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it. The following lines (said be from the pen of his Grace Bishop Potter) seem to imply that the usefulness of this utensil is not limited to this world. a woman's kitchen. and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism. Thence it spread to all corners of the world.

Jex Wopley. broiling is an ancient plan it Of torment. our friends are true assured. pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker." Funeral. Future.'' "I know a trick worth two o' that. n. but I hear Reported that the frying-pan Sears best the wicked spirit. The savage dies A To bear to happy hunting-grounds the corse. fill it up with fat brown and good in't. cook their food in't. our happiness G Gallows. A stage for the performance of miracle plays. and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears. friends expire fly Our —they a horse —we make the money sacrifice it In hope their souls will chase to the sky. That period of time is in which our and prosper. afifairs n. in which the leading actor .— 112 "Now." "Go get one — Fry sinners Said Nick— "I'll «.

Sometimes when a new dean and chapter were installed were removed and others substituted having a closer relation to the the old gargoyles • private animosities of the new incumbents. A rain-spout projecting from the eaves of mediaeval buildings. n. An elastic Generous. commonly fashioned into a grotesque caricature of some personal enemy of the architect or owner of the building.— 113 is translated to heaven. «. This was especially the case in churches and ecclesiastical structures generally. Garter. is gallows chiefly In this country the remarkable for the numescape it. ber of persons who Whether on the gallows high Or where The Is blood flows the reddest. noblest place for man to die where he died the deadest. band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her stockings and desolating the country. Originally this word meant . Gargoyle. in which the gargoyles presented a perfect rogues' gallery of local heretics and controversialists. Old Play. adj.

Geographer. presents. A Habeam. . G. Genteel. is my son. n. Genealogy. adj.J. Refined. the distinction I reveal: A gentleman gentle and a gent genteel. Native of Abu-Keber's ancient town. lost. Heed not the definitions your "Unabridged" For dictionary makers are generally gents. lived long on migratory toads. chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside. In passing thence along the river Zam To Got the adjacent village pf Xelam. And grateful travelers bewailed their guide. Bewildered by the multitude of roads. n. after the fashion of Observe with care. geographer of wide renown.114 noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest. Henry Haukhorrt. Then from exposure miserably died. a gent.

nose.— 115 Geology. garbage. antique minus the cestors. an- archists. . consists of rocks. occupied — that dismal thing! The path that he was following. the early good. will be added that interior whenever a up garrulous out of a well. Unmoved The stars that awful vision stood. visible sign of Ghost. snakes. or lower one. man shall come The geological formations of the globe already noted are catalogued thus: The Primary. beer bottles. He saw It a ghost. mouldy boots. mired mules. The outward and an inward fear. grass. bones of gas-pipes. Spanish doubloons and an- of red The Secondary is largely made up worms and moles. patent pavements. The science of the earth's crust to its which. n. Before he'd time to stop and An He earthquake trifled with the eye That saw a fell as fall ghost. that danced before his ken He wildly brushed away. and then He saw a post. Jared Macphesier. to- mato cans. — of n. intoxicated citizens. fly. The Tertiary comprises railway tracks. snap-dogs and fools. doubtless. statues miners' tools.

may judge from such tables of comparative speed as I am able to compile from memories of my own experience." To believe in him. not the apparition of a suit of clothes sometimes walk abroad without a ghost in it? These be riddles of significance. n. what object would they have in exercising it? And why docs that the fabrics. A same power inheres in textile Supposing the products of the loom to have this ability. then. Not quite. Heine mentions somebody's ingenious theory to the effect that they are as much afraid of us as we of them. Ghoul. A demon addicted to the repre- hensible habit of devouring the dead. existence of ghouls has been disputed class of controversialists The by that who are more con- .116 Accounting for the uncommon behavior of ghosts. They reach away down and get a convulsive grasp on the very tap-root of this flourishing faith. is to believe that not only have the dead the power to make themselves visible after there is nothing left of them. but is There : belief in ghosts. if I one insuperable obstacle to a ghost never comes naked he appears either in a winding-sheet or "in his habit as he lived.

Atholston relates that a ghoul was caught by some sturdy peasants in a churchyard at Sudbury and ducked in a horsepond." The pond has since been bled with a ditch. (He appears as gifted to think that so distinguished a criminal should have been ducked in a tank of rosewater. In 1640 Father Secchi saw one in a cemetery near Florence and frightened it to cemed beliefs than to give away with scribes it the sign of the cross.) The water turned at once to blood "and so contynues unto ys daye. As late as the beginning of the fourteenth century a ghoul was cornered in the crypt of the cathedral at Amiens and the whole population surrounded the place. and he saw it in more than one place at a time.117 deprive the world of comforting it anything good in their place. thinking to escape by the stratagem. entered and captured the ghoul. Twenty armed men with a priest at their head. had transformed itself to the semblance of . which. bearing a crucifix. He de- with many heads and an uncommon allowance of limbs. The good man was coming away from dinner at the time and explains that if he had not been "heavy with eating" he would have seized the demon at all hazards.

In North-European mythology. drawn and quartered in the midst of hideous popular orgies. Gnome. «. and he frequently saw them scampering on the hills in the evening twilight. a dwarfish imp inhabiting the interior parts of in in of the earth and having special custody Bjorsen. n. 1765. and Sneddeker avers that in 1803 they drove a party of miners out of a Silesian mine. Basing our computations upon data supplied by these statements. we find that the gnomes were probably extinct as early as 1764. known whose shape the demon had assumed was so affected by the sinister occurrence that he never again showed himself in Amiens and his fate remains a mystery. Glutton. A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia. the southern parts of Ludwig Binkerhoof saw 1792.118 but was nevertheless hanged. n. in the three as recently as Black Forest. says who died gnomes were common enough Sweden in his boyhood. The citizen a well citizen. A sect of philosophers who . Gnostics. mineral treasures.

a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt. losing my temper. greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers. bird that supplies quills for These. in n. said: "I'll pursue. by some occult process of A . an earthits quake and a cyclone.119 between the early Christians and the Platonists. An animal of South Africa. worth of this present writer. And he said as he flew: "It is well I withdrew Ere. «. madam. A hlinter Of a And he In its from Kew caught a distant view peacefully meditative gnu. I wickedly slew That really meritorious gnu. to the sir." Jam Good. Goose. The former would not go into the caucus and the comtried to engineer a fusion bination failed. ad]. Alive. Sensible. writing. which domesticated state resembles a horse. and my hands imbrue blood at a closer interview. Gnu. Leffer. to the ad- vantages of letting him alone." it But that beast did ensue and the hunter threw O'er the top of a palm that adjacent grew.

beautiful goddesses. n. but some are seen to be very great to found have only geese indeed. Gout. serving without salary. are penetrated and suffused with various degrees of the bird's intellectual energies and emotional character.120 nature. swear that workmanship so bad all the ancient sculptors Proves mad. who attended upon Venus. so that when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an "author. Gorgon. Aglaia. is considerable: trivial many are and insignificant powers. Three . n. n. The Gorgon was a maiden bold Who turned to stone the Greeks of old That looked upon her awful brow. A physician's name for the rheumat- ism of a rich patient. Graces. Thalia and Euphrosyne." there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling. The difference in geese. We And dig them out of ruins now. as discovered by this in- genious method.

Thy praise is ever on the tongue Of better men than I am. Grape. along the path by which he advances to distinction. Anacreon and Khayyam. n. n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfeet of the self-made fully prepared for the man. The water-drinkers and the cranks load their skins with liquor- Who And ril gladly bare their belly-tanks tap them with my sticker. Hail noble fruit ! — ^by Homer sung. My humbler I'll service pray accept kill help to the scoffer. clothing. Grammar.: — 121 They were at no expense for board and to the weather. . The lyre my hand has never The song I cannot offer swept. for they ate nothing to speak of and dressed according ing wearbe whatever breeze happened to blowing.

— — — ! . too true No The sound his sense is can quicken!" that to "Well." T knelt and prayed: "O Father." true. wot you? deadster ain't a-kickin'. for wisdom cools rest. Jamrach Holobom. A rustic standing near. GrAPESHOT." I said. fill up. . "alas. to A place in which the dead are laid await the coming of the medical student Beside a lonely grave I stood With brambles 'twas encumbered The winds were moaning in the wood. Grave." "the feller's dead He "Too can't hear nowt that's going. When And e'er we let the wine Here's death to Prohibition's every kind of vine-pest fools. n. ture of is n. mister. said: "Ye didn't know him. smile On And him. I said: "He cannot hear said it blowing!" he: "'Course not. Unheard by him who slumbered." Pobeter Dunk. — 122 Fill up. and mercy show him!" That countryman looked on the while. An preparing in answer argument which the futo the demands American Socialism.

" the Lion —"I reign The monarch The of the wood and plain!" Elephant replied: "I'm great No quadruped can match my weight!" no animal has half So long a neck!" said the Giraffe. n." the Kangaroo said — "see My My An To femoral muscularity!" said: The 'Possum tail is lithe "I'm great ^behold. "I'm great.— 123 Gravitation. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another Avith a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain tain —the quantity of matter they con- their being ascertained by the strength of tendency to approach one another. is This and edifying illustration of how science. and bald and cold!" — Oyster fried was understood say: "I'm great because I'm good!" consist Each reckons greatness to In that in which he heads the list. having made A the proof of B. said Great. a lovely adj. "I'm great — "I'm great. . makes B the proof of A.

Guillotine. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of dis- . Arion Spurl Doke. XI) the shrug is a poor foundation upon which to build so important a theory. reason. retracting the — for previously to the Revolution the gesture was unknown. Gunpowder. It is with reluctance that I differ with so eminent an authority.124 And Vierick thinks he tops his class is Because he the greatest ass. I have not a doubt that it is directly referable to the terror inspired by the guillotine during the period of that in- strument's activity. that they are descended from turtles and it is simply a survival of the habit of — — head inside the shell. A In his great work on Divergent Lines of Racial Evolution. machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good n. but in my judgment (as more elaborately set forth and enforced in my work entitled Hereditary Emotions lib. II. the learned Professor Brayfugle argues from the prevalence of this gesture the shrug among Frenchmen. c. n.

putes which might become troublesome


By most

writers the inven-

tion of

gunpowder is ascribed to the Chinbut not upon very convincing evidence. Milton says it was invented by the devil

and this opinion seems some support from the scarcity of angels. Moreover, it has the hearty concurrence of the Hon, James Wilson, Secretto dispel angels with,

to derive

ary of Agriculture.
Secretary Wilson became interested in

gunpowder through an event that occurred on the Government experimental farm in
the District of Columbia.
of the Secretary's


day, sev-

eral years ago, a rogue imperfectly reverent

profound attainments and him with a sack of gunpowder, representing it as the seed of the Flashawful flabhergastor, a Patagonian cereal of great commercial value, admirably adapted to this climate. The good Secretary was instructed to spill it along in a furrow and afterward inhume This he at once proceeded to it with soil. do, and had made a continuous line of it
personal character presented

way across a ten-acre field, when he was made to look backward by a shout from the generous donor, who at once




a lighted


into the



Contact with the earth had somewhat dampened the powder, but the startled functionary saw himself pursued by a tall moving pillar of fire and
the starting-point.


in fierce evolution.


stood for a

moment paralyzed and
recollected an

speechless, then he

engagement and, dropping

absented himself thence with such sur-

prising celerity that to the eyes of spectators

along the route selected he appeared like a long, dim streak prolonging itself with inconceivable rapidity through seven villages, and audibly refusing to be comforted.

"Great Scott! what


that?" cried a sur-

veyor's chainman, shading his eyes and gaz-

ing at the fading line of agriculturist which
bisected his visible horizon.

"That," said

the surveyor, carelessly glancing at the phe-

nomenon and again centering his attention upon his instrument, "is the Meridian of

Habeas Corpus.
be taken out of

A writ by which a man may


confined for the

wrong crime.




A shackle for the




The lower world;

the residence

of departed spirits; the place

where the

Among the ancients the idea of Hades was not synonymous with our Hell, many of the most respectable men of antiquity residing there in a very comfortable kind of






a part of

Fields themHades, though they

have since been removed to Paris. When the Jacobean version of the New Testament was in process of evolution the pious and learned men engaged in the work insisted by a majority vote on translating the Greek word "AtSirjq" as "Hell"; but a conscientious minority member secretly possessed himself of the record and struck out the objectionable word wherever he could find it. At the next meeting, the Bishop of Salisbury, looking over the work, suddenly sprang to his feet and said with considerable excitement: "Gentlemen, somebody has been razing 'Hell' here!" Years afterward the good prelate's death was made sweet by the reflection that he had been the means (under Providence) of making an important,

serviceable and immortal addition to the

phraseology of the English tongue.

Hag, n. happen


elderly lady


you do not

to like;

sometimes called,


hen, or cat.


witches, sorceresses,


were called hags from the belief that their heads were surrounded by a kind of baleful
lumination or

nimbus^hag being

the pop-


of that peculiar electrical light

sometimes observed in the hair. At one time hag was not a word of reproach: Drayton speaks of a "beautiful hag, all smiles," much as Shakespeare said, "sweet wench." It would not now be proper to call your sweetheart a hag that compliment is reserved for the use of her grand-




a thing divided.

One of two equal may be divided,

parts into


or considered




heated discussion arose among theologists and philosophers as to whether Omniscience could part an object into three halves; and






in the cathedral at



would demonstrate

the affirmative of the

proposition in some signal and unmistakable

way, and particularly

(if it

should please

body of that hardy blasphemer, Manutius Procinus, who mainthe

Him) upon





was spared

to die of the bite of a viper.








circling an astronomical body, but not in-

frequently confounded with "aureola," or "nimbus," a somewhat similar phenomenon


as a head-dress








a purely optical illusion, pro-

duced by moisture in the air, in the manner of a rainbow; but the aureola is conferred as a sign of superior sanctity, in the same
or the Pope's tiara. In the painting of the Nativity, by Szedgkin, a pious artist of Pesth, not only do the Virgin and the Child wear the nimbus, but an ass nibbling hay from the sacred manger
as a bishop's mitre,


similarly decorated and, to his lasting

honor be it said, appears to bear his unaccustomed dignity with a truly saintly grace.




singular instrument


at the

end of the human arm and commonly thrust
into somebody's pocket.





small square of silk

or linen, used in various ignoble offices about the face and .especially serviceable at
funerals to conceal the lack of tears.




of recent invention

knew nothing



our anand intrusted its

duties to the sleeve.

Shakespeare's intro-

ducing it into the play of "Othello" is an anachronism: Desdemona dried her nose with her skirt, as Dr. Mary Walker and other reformers have done with their coattails in our own day an evidence that revolutions sometimes go backward.


law charged with duties of the highest dignity and utmost gravity, and held in hereditary disesteem by a populace having a criminal ancestry. In some of the American States his functions are now performed by an electrician, as in New Jersey, where executions by electricity have recently been ordered


officer of the








ographer of anybody questioning the expediency of hanging Jerseymen.

Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.


Harangue, n. A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harangue-outang.
Harbor, «. A place where ships taking shelter from storms are exposed to the fury of
the customs.




sect of Protestants,


who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for the bitterness of their internal controversies




There is no definition for nobody knows what hash is.



ians as a


A young axe, known among Ind-


bury the hatchet, irascible Red, For peace is a blessing," the White Man said. The Savage concurred, and that weapon interred, With imposing rites, in the White Man's head.


John Lukkus,




sentiment appropriate to the

occasion of another's superiority.

"So great. . A capitation tax." spokesman said: "we sold All of our gay garrotes of gold." collect Said they. With plated-ware we now compress The necks of those whom we assess. Can we exist on t'other nine?" The monarch asked them in reply: "Has it occurred to you to try The advantage of economy?" the "It has. So The tax-collectors in a row Appeared before the throne to pray Their master to devise some way To swell the revenue. "are the demands of state A tithe of all that we Will scarcely meet them. or poll- In ancient times there lived a king Whose tax-collectors could not wring From all his subjects gold enough To make the royal way less rough. with greed that never tires.132 Head-Money. like the dames Whose premises adjoin it. n. Plain iron forceps we employ To mitigate the miser's joy hoards. if one-tenth we must resign. For pleasure's highway. claims Perpetual repairing. Pray reflect: How. tax." Deep lines of thought were seen to plow Their way across the royal brow. Who That which your Majesty requires.

this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and senti- . with brow concealed. «. muscular bloodpump. Pray favor me with a suggestion. no question." "If you'll impose upon each head A tax. Figuratively. An automatic. not to be In generosity outdone. Bare-armed — his gleaming axe revealed! G. But lest the people censure me Because they're bound and you are free. Hearse. Heart." the spokesman said. 'Twere well some clever scheme were laid By you this poll-tax to evade. Death's baby-carriage. I'll leave you now while you confer Of With my most trusted minister. "O King of Men." The monarch from the throne-room walked And straightway in among them stalked A silent man. Declare you. it That be so —and.J." As flashes of the sun illume "I decree The The parted storm-cloud's sullen gloom. Exempted from the operation this new law of capitation. «.133 "Your state is desperate. the augmented revenue We'll cheerfully divide with you. each and every one. king smiled grimly.

—a is very pretty fancy which.) Delectatio In a scientific work entitled. — pp. (See. action of the gastric The exact feel- process by ing —tender or which a beefsteak becomes a not. the sucthrough which sandwich is transmuted to a quaint fancy and reappears as a pungent epigram the marvelous functional methods of converting a hard-boiled egg into religious contrition. and for further light consult Professor Dam's famous treatise on Love as a Product of Alimentary Maceration. London. ibility —these or a cream-pufif into a sigh of sensthings have been patiently by him expounded with convincing lucidity. 1873) view of the sentiments receives a striking illustration. Demonorum Camden Hotton. my monograph. 687 ascertained by Pasteur. now known that the sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach. ments ever. (John this I believe. being evolved from food by chemical fluid. according to the age of it the animal a caviar from which cessive stages of elaboration was cut. also. .. hownothing but a survival of a once uniIt is versal belief. and M. The Essential Identity of the Spiritual Affections and Certain Intestinal Gases Freed in Digestion 4to.

scurril agnostical chap. A benighted According creature who has the folly to worship something that he can and feel. brews are heathens. I haven't been reared in a way To For joy in the thick of the fray. child. if Addicted too much to the crime religious discussion in rhj^ne.— 135 Heat. . I'm you please. is a mode know now how he's proving His point. And the truth of I aver: Who differs from me in his faith is an 'ist. "The Hebrews are heathens!" says Howison. Gorton Swope. but I — And where it stops the stars Crede expertum — burn free and wild. Heathen. of the California State University. see n. but this I know hot words bestowed With skill will set the human fist a-moving. Though Hebrew and Howison cannot agree On And a modus vivendi —not they! Yet Heaven has had the designing of me. I have seen them. He's - A A Of Christian philosopher. n. to Professor HowHe- ison. this of my creed it is the soul and the gist. says Professor Tyndall. Of motion. Heat.

bedad. A wife. "That's true of yer Riverence. from troubling you with talk of their personal afifairs. Marley Wottel. it's "But. But a roast he's "nuts" to his nostril thin. "Now. A place where the wicked cease n. or bitter half. Heaven. why n." replies. And running — I know by the smell A secret and personal Hell! Bissell Gip. or an 'er And I'm down upon him or her! Let Howison urge with perfunctory chin Toleration — is that's all very well. n. . "Since the time o' yer wooin' She's niver assisted in what ye were at For it's naught ye are ever doin'. and the good listen with attention while you expound your own. a to For she helps fact which the word mate the expinses!" implies." Patrick And no sign of contrition evinces. Pat?" is yer wife called a helpmate. " ^ Helpmate. Says the priest. A male Jew.— 136 — — An 'ite. an altogether superior Hebrew. creation. . as distinguished from the Shebrew. an 'ic.

in England. i. clinging together in globular masses. Hers. A person whose vices His. and follies are not sociable. There have been many singular popular notions about the hiberna- tion of various animals. They have apparently been compelled to give up the custom on account of the foulness of the brooks. Sotus Escobius discovered in Central Asia a whole . Hermit. v. Three or four centuries ago. pron.137 Hemp. Hibernate. It is by mechanically sucking admitted that it comes out of it it its its retirement in the spring so lean that to try twice before has can cast a shadow. n. Many believe that the bear hibernates during the whole winter and subsists paws. «. no fact was better attested than that swallows passed the winter months in the mud at the bottoms of the brooks. is made plant from whose fibrous bark an article of neckwear which is fre- A quently put on after public speaking in the open air and prevents the wearer from taking cold. To pass the winter season in domestic seclusion.

Of Roman history. Faith. Ere we accept great Niebuhr Wherein he blundered and how much he lied. The hippogrifif was actually. half lion and half eagle. great Niebuhr's shown 'Tis nine-tenths lying. n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. and soldiers mostly fools. which is two dollars and is fifty cents in gold. full of surprises. . The griffin was itself a compound creature. Bishop Kip. but this view was strenuously opposed by that eminent authority. The study of zoology n. to which the Church gave a religious significance. Salder Bupp.138 nation of people to who hibernate. only one-quarter eagle. which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves. who did not wish any honors denied to the memory of the Founder investigators. account mostly false. therefore. of events mostly unimportant. I wish 'twere as a guide. A An broad-gauge gossip. the fasting of have been originally a of his family. History. known. By some Lent is supposed modified form of hibernation. Historian. HlPPOGRlFF^ n.

respected for the delicacy of its habits. is of ours. The humorist of the medical profession. of n. but it makes no great dif- . not in favor as an article of diet. Homicide. The slaying of one human being by another. n. n. a cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from the fowl two persons at once. Rockefeller did not discover but it is considered his by right of resem- blance. justifiable and praiseworthy. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious. excusable.139 Hog. is It is chiefly as a songster that esteemed. Mr. A school of medicine midScidis- way between Allopathy and Christian ence. Among the hog is but of the beauty of its its plumage and the melody voice. is The scientific name of this dicky-bird Porcus Rockefelleri. n. HOMCEOPATHY. HOMCEOPATHIST. To the last both the others are tinctly inferior. and they can not. for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases. the hog. its A bird remarkable for the catholicity appetite and serving to illustrate that the Mahometans and Jews.

skilled the parson all his was in homiletics That moral purges and emetics spirit To medicine the were compounded With a most just discrimination founded Upon a rigorous examination Of tongue and pulse and heart and respiration.140 ference to the person slain whether he fell by one kind or another the classification is — for advantage of the lawyers. itself all coated — uttered mind and scandalously muttered That in the case of patients having money The pills were sugar and the pukes were honey. Her Honorable. HOMiLETics. In legislative bodies it is customary to mention all members as honorable. having diagnosed each one's condition. His scriptural specifics this physician Administered — his pills so efficacious And That pukes of disposition so vivacious souls afflicted with ten kinds of Adam Were But convalescent ere they Slander's tongue bilious — knew they had 'em. «. Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach." . capacities and conditions of the congregation. as. The science of adapting ser- mons So to the spiritual needs. Then. Biography of Bishop Potter. "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur. adj.

one. and his goat tranquil disaffection chews his coat yet it hangs upon his back. When With While even his dog deserts him.. n. whose beher existence marks a noble discon- . and that entertains for all the rest of her which she HOURI. Descendest.— 141 Hope. then thou. The virtue which induces us and lodge certain persons who are need of food and lodging. peculiarly sharp and specially applied sense of the earth's overpopulation. Hostility is classed as active and passive. Hostility. for her female friends. from the skies to hint star far-flaming The promise of a clerkship in the Mint. to feed not in n. Hospitality. of friends bereft. A comely female inhabiting the Paradise to Mohammedan lief in make things cheery for the good Mussulman. «. Desire and expectation rolled into Delicious Hope! when naught to man is left Of fortune destitute. Fogarty Weffing. as (respectively) the feeling of a A woman sex. «. radiant. The on thine angel brow.

tent House. a youngthe hardy visitor. a building with a steeple and a mortgage on it. flea. a pestilent beast kept on domestic premises to insult persons passing by and appal House-maid. beetle. a place of reward for political and personal service. n. erly person of the opposing sex employed to be variously disagreeable and ingeniously unclean in the station in which It has propriations. rat. hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man. Twaddle had a hovel. Having paid all taxes on household goods.142 with his earthly spouse. The fruit of a flowet called the Palace. . A microbe. whom he denies a soul. House of Correction. and for the detention of offenders and ap- God. Houseless. House of pleased God to place her. Housedog. Hovel. adj. Twiddle had a palace. bacillus and n. By that good lady the Houris are said to be held in deficient esteem. mosquito. cockroach. fly. mouse.

Humorist. An atmospheric demonstra- . an equal his sty.J. Down upon the middle Of his legs fell Twaddle And astonished Mr. unswaddlti A new-born self-sufEciency and thin'kliimsdf amOdel. He thinks. renewed by night. exclusive of the anthropoid poets. The human race. A Lo! the poor humorist.— 143 Twaddle said: "I'll grovel Or he'll think I bear him malice"^ A sentiment as novel As a castor on a chalice. Alexander Poke. admitted to A graceful hog would bear company. brains. Feed upon the fiddleFaddle flummery. whose tortured mind See jokes in crowds. n. n. Humanity. G. n. Twiddle. untaught to stray. though still to gloom inclined Whose His simple appetite. Who began to lift his noddle. collectively. consumes by day. plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes. cat-quick. Hurricane.

A kind of Hydra. the hurricane's usefulness has outlasted Hurry. Hyena. «. n. of trash Some heaps upon a vacant Where long the village rubbish had been shot . Husband. But the medical student does Hypochondriasis.144 tion once very common but now generally- abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. charged with the care of the plate. decks of steamboats. A pooled issue. n. but generally speaking. is Hybrid. animal that the ancients under many heads. n. catalogued n. n. having dined. A beast held in from its reverence by some habit of frequent- oriental nations ing at night the burial-places of the dead. the construction of It is also used in the upper it. One who. Depression of lot one's own spirits. The dispatch of bunglers. that. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain oldfashioned sea-captains.

Purvy. the object of affection. «.— 145 Displayed a sign among the stuff and stumps "Hypochondriasis. The frank yet graceful use of "I" distinguishes a good writer from a bad. . ' I is the first letter of the alphabet. manner of a thief trying to cloak his Ichor. the latter carries it with it is ians than to the parable dictionary. the first thought of the mind. the first first word of the language. professing virtues that he does not respect. secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises. Hypocrite. Its plural is said to it is a be We. In grammar pronoun of the first person and singular number. Bogul S. One who. n. the loot. but fine." It meant The Dumps. but how there can be more than one myself is doubtless clearer to the grammarauthor of this incomConception of two myselves is difficult. A fluid that serves the gods and goddesses in place of blood.

" He has the last word in everything.— 146 Fair Venus. Restrained the raging chief and said: "Behold. opinion and taste. and most strenuously protest that he unbuildeth but doth not reedify. that he puUeth down but pileth not up. rash mortal. . iconoclast saith for ye need them not." : A Idiot. the worIconoclast. But the "Ye shall have none at all. breaker of idols. his decision He sets the fashions of is unappealable. whom you've bled Your soul's stained white with ichorshed!" Mary Doke. tribe A member of a large and powerful whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. n. speared by Diomed. shipers whereof are imperfectly gratified by the performance. behold I will depress the head of him and sit thereon till he squawk it. and if the rebuilder fooleth round hereabout. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action. For the poor things would have other idols in place of those he thwacketh upon the mazzard and dispelleth. «. but "pervades and regulates the whole.

know nothing Dumble was an ignoramus. Of things in college I'm denied A knowledge —you of all beside. Mumble said one day to Dumble: "Ignorance should be more humble. A sect of Spanish heretics of light weights the latter part of the sixteenth century. Mumble was for learning famous. Not a spark have you of knowledge That was got in any college." Dumble said to Mumble: "Truly You're self-satisfied unduly. model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices. n.— 147 dictates the limitations of speech and cir- cumscribes conduct with a dead-line." Borelli. Idleness. n. self. IlluMINATI. A Ignoramus. . so called because they were cunctationds illuminati. n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourand having certain other kinds that you about.

Immodest. A warehouse of facts. Having a strong sense of own merit. his modesty's bump was so large a lump (Nature. Over and over again they swore So humble and meek. A kind of divine inspiration. seek. n. fitted That him for a show. . Immigrant. There was once a man in Ispahan Ever and ever so long ago. coupled with a feeble con- ception of worth in others. one's adj. or sacred n. Imagination. So modest a man in all Ispahan. Suitably placed for the envy and detraction. with joint ownership. And For he had a head. adj. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another. the phrenologists said. you would vainly None ever was found before. had taken a freak) That its Of his hair. they said. shafts of malice. like a summit stood far above the wood mountain peak. poet and liar in Imbecility. censorious critics of fire affecting this dictionary. n.— 148 Illustrious.

Into the heavens contrived tc get To so great a height that they called the wight The man with a minaret. And that gentle child "A little present for The saddest explained as he smiled: you. Ispahan There wasn't a man in all Prouder. With a tireless tongue and a brazen lung He bragged of that beautiful bump Till the Shah in a rage sent a trusty page Bearing a sack and a bow-string too. or could have have originated." said he. wicked." man in all Ispahan.149 Meantime the hump of that awful bump . "If I'd lived. yet accepted the same. Sniffed at the gift. if they originated. if actions in themselves a moral character apart . Inexpedient. adj. Immoral. or louder in praise of his chump. If man's notions of right and wrong have any other basis than this of expediency. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong. "my humility Had given me deathless fame!" Sukker Uffra. in any other way. immoral.

to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body. properly. is a lie and Immortality. however. all —then n. v. t.150 from. Pown to the be- ginning of the fifteenth century it was widely employed in "churching" heretics and schismatics. And on their knees apply for. is inaccurate. the victim being left in a sitting posture. contend and lie for. to impale is.J. A toy which people cry for. This. and nowise dependent on. common mode of punishment among many of the nations of anThis was a and tiquity. And if Would allowed be right proud Eternally to die for. is still in high favor in China and other parts of Asia. Wolecraft calls it the "stoole of repentynge. their consequences philosophy reason a disorder of the mind. Impale." and among the common people it was jocularly known as "rid- . G. In popular usage to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound. Dispute.

ad]. Impenitence." Ludwig Salz- mann informs is us that in Thibet impalement considered the most appropriate punishfor crimes against religion. and alin ment though China it is it secular offences. n. Impartial. To the person in actual experience of impalement it must be a matter of minor importance by what kind of civil or religious dissent he was made acquainted with its discomforts.151 ing the one legged horse. Your irreverence toward my . ishment. n. A state of mind between sin intermedi- ate in point of time and pun- Impiety. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions. but doubtless he would feel a certain satisfaction if able to contemplate himself in the character of a weather-cock on the spire of the True Church. sometimes awarded for is most frequently ad- judged in cases of sacrilege. deity.

No doubt you'll swear till At such an imposition. n. "Lo! by the laying on of hands. When But all you came to think it out. rival aspirant to public Improbability. but performed with the frankest sin- by the sect as Thieves. and lands all is blue Do.152 Imposition. and dervise. honors." priest Say parson. But sat as mum As if deaf and dumb. . The to act of blessing or conse- crating by the laying on of hands — a cere- mony common cerity many known ecclesiastical sys- tems. no doubt. crowd Their deep surprise avowed the fascinated And with a single voice averred 'Twas the most amazing thing they'd heard— All save one who spake never a word. Improbable 'twas. "We consecrate your cash To ecclesiastic service. Impostor. melancholy grace." Polio Doncas. A n. Serene. His tale he told with a solemn face And a tender. «. indifferent and unstirred.

even of proceedings before themselves alone. yet most momentous actions. Not competent to be considered. Said of certain kinds of testimony which juries are supposed to be unfit to be entrusted with. therefore. "O no —not crossed his feet on the mantel-shelf: at all. . "are you At what our friend has told ?" He Soberly then his eyes and gazed not amazed raised In a natural way And As he proceeded to say. Wealth. adj. are daily undertaken on hear* political. . milit- commercial and of every other kind. n. «. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of to-morrow. As if there were nothing in it. and which judges. Heresay evidence is inadmissible because the person quoted was unsworn and is not before the court for examination ary." Improvidence. I'm a liar myself. Impunity. "What! what!" cried one.. rule out. 153 Then all the others And scrutinized turned to him him limb from limb- Scanned him alive But he seemed to thrive And tranquiler grow each minute. Inadmissible.

assertion in the Bible has in its evidence admissible in a court of law. known to have been sworn Under the rules of evidence now exist in this country. that there a person as Julius Caesar. The judges' decison it were sound in logic and in law. suffered death. There is no religion in the world that has any other Revelation is basis than hearsay hearsay evidence. it is still unimpeachable. was such empire as such an But as records of courts of justice are admissible.154 say evidence. The evidence (including confession) upon certain which women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw. evidence. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many If there were no witches. Assyria. It cannot be proved that the battle of Blen- no single support any heim ever was fought. ions based . it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. that the Scriptures are the have only the testimony of word of God we men long dead in as whose identity is not clearly established and who any they are not sense.

adv. the auspices being unfavorable. And then the slave proceeded : "Please . smiling. the —" here "Tell me. In an unpromising manner. A denarius (the Latin nickel) Successfully allayed the tickle. which plainly itched." hilarities the A If Roman slave appeared one day Before the Augur. . from the augurs. — "The were auspicated by Knights of Hunger. For visibly its surface twitched. made A checking gesture and displayed His open palm. "The festivities were under the auspices of the Ancient and Honorable Order of Body-Snatchers" or. pray. . News- paper reporters and certain miscreant lexicographers have decided that the word always in the plural shall mean "patronage" or "management" as. and one of their favorite and most trustworthy modes of divination consisted in observing the flight of birds —the omens thence derived being called auspices. Augur. or its some hint of probable outcome.— 155 human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value. Among the Romans it was customary before undertaking any important action or enterprise to obtain state prophets. INAUSPICIOUSLY.

For thither they would always go. forecasting the event By flight of birds. to the slave the Augur went: "My son. passing through cried "Shoo!" Straight mate fled (Maintained for Juno's favor) With clamor from the trees o'erhead. he to view." That slave retired. . Waving his robe of office. Abandoning his secret plan Which was (as well the crafty seer Had from the first divined) to clear The wall and fraudulently seize On Juno's poultry in the trees. Who "Wait While I retire to question Fate. drew Its shining face attentive scanned. The temple's roof received their flight. Where they were perching for the night.— 156 Inform me whether Fate decrees Success or failure in what I To-night Its (if it be dark) shall try." That holy person then withdrew with great gravity said: The temple's rearward gate. When Back danger threatened them below. G. a sadder man. Each sacred peacock and its His sacred clay and. Then slipped it into the good man's hand. J. nature? Never mind 'Tis writ on this" — — I think and with a wink Which darkened Another denarius half the earth. I must confess The auspices deny success.

are but to get money.— 157 Income. all titles. and their posagreement thereto. nor he who bears an unremunerate dignity. or merchant-stuflf. The natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability. arbitrary and fallacious. for. being esteemed of level excellency with him whose riches are of daily accretion. and hardly should they whose wealth is barren claim and rightly take more honor than the poor and unworthy. or houses. or anything which of right to one's of may be named as holden own subservience) as also preferments and place. In matrimony a simil- . or land. "the true use and function of property (in whatsoever it consisteth coins. howsoever broad and ancient. as "Sir Sycophas Chrysolater" in the play has justly remarked. n." sessors Hence should take rank in Incompatibility. neither the lord of an unproducing manor. foUoweth that all things are truly to be rated as of worth in measure of their serviceableness to that end. the commonly accepted standards being artificial. honors. n. nor yet the pauper favorite of a king. and favor and acquaintance of persons it of quality or ableness.

and succubeB. particularly the taste for domination. meek-eyed matron living just around the corner. Two things are incomposs- ible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them. intimation altogether Incubus. n. It has even been known to wear a moustache. of incubi and succubi. Unable to exist if some- thing else exists. "Sir." would stead of such — convey an equally significant and in stately courtesy are superior. we are incompossible. consist of a Incompossible. including incuhte. which contains curious information that would be . adj. One of a race of highly im- proper demons who. but not enough for both as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man. though probably not wholly extinct. however. Incompossibility. 1328). In- low language as "Go heel mean to kill you on sight." the yourself I words. Incompatibility may. see the Liber Demonorum of Protassus much (Paris. may be said to have seen For a complete account their best nights.158 arity of tastes. it will be — seen. is only incompatibility let loose.

est to the «. for horns. A certain lady applied to the parish priest to learn how they might." saith Sir Thomas Brewbold. to a surety. only one is the right way. whereof. "there is but one way to do nothing and divers ways to do something. Victor Hugo relates that in the Channel Islands Satan himself tempted more than elsewhere by the beauty of the women. doubtless sometimes incubus. A person of the liveliest inter- outcumbents. Indecision. said they dis- tinguish the hardy intruder from their hus- bands.a 159 out of place in a dictionary intended as a text-book for the public schools. generally speaking. "for whereas. plays at greatly to the inconvenience and alarm of — — the good dames who wish to be loyal to their marriage vows. but Hugo is ungallant "of enough the doubt of the efficacy Incumbent. his The holy man to hint a must feel brow test. «. in the dark. it follow- eth that he still hath as astray who from indecision standeth not so many chances of going he who pusheth forwards" — . The chief element of success.

but for Heaven's don't reprimand me: I disobeyed the coin.160 most clear and satisfactory exposition of the matter. in." said General Grant on a certain occasion to GenGordon Granger. "was admirable you had but five minutes to make up your mind . Gokul." "Yes. Indigestion^ n. When doubt whether to attack or retreat I never hesitate a moment I toss up a cop- — per. it is not worth while." "Do you mean this to say that's what you did sake time?" "Yes. sir. General. A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the . but "Indifferent?" he drawled with a slow smile." to Indifferent^ distinctions adj." Apuleius M. dear. cried Indolentio's wife. Imperfectly sensible things. ordinate." among man!" "You tiresome "You've grown indifferent "I would be. "Your prompt eral decision to attack." answered the victorious subis "it a great thing to know exactly in what to do in an emergency. to all in life.

adj. heap God. a priest of Aulis. Infancy. must be confessed. a certain force: "Plenty well. (Latin. The period of our lives when. was favored with an audi- ence of that illustrious warrior's shade. Inferi^. n. Not calculated advance one's interests. n. Red it Man of the western wild put with. "Heaven lies about us. or. to Inexpedient.161 salvation of mankind. for the pious ancients could not invent enough gods to satisfy their spiritual needs. sacrifices for propitation of the Dtt Manes. as a sailor might say. and had to have a number of makeshift deities." Indiscretion. or souls of dead heroes. big bellyache. The guilt of woman. no pray. It was while sacrificing a bullock to the spirit of Agamemnon that Laiaides. who prophetically recounted to him the birth of . according to Wordsworth. jury-gods. As the simple it.) Among the Greeks and Romans." The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. n. which they made out of the most unpromising materials.

— 162 Christ and the triumph of Christianity. ecclesiastics. giving him also a rapid but tolerably complete review of events Louis. There is a fine mediaeval flavor to this story. friars. obeah-men. parsons. voodoos. who one who does not believe in the Christian religion. and to that I bow wow. hierophants. popes. exhorters. and as it has not been traced back further that point. medicine-men. in Constantinople. we shall probably not err on the side of presumption in considering it apocryphal. The than Pere Brateille. Infidel^ n. abbes. one does. A kind of scoundrel imperfectly reverent of. nuns. monks. prelates.) to. deacons. and niggardly contributory divines. presbyters. primates. highmuezzins. (See GiAOUR. mollahs. pre- . confessors. elders. which compelled the ghosted King of Men to scamper back to Hades. mission- aries. brahmins. canons. down to the reign of Saint narrative ended abruptly at owing to the inconsiderate crowing of a cock. a pious but obscure writer at the court of Saint Louis. In New York. priests. though Monsignor Capel's judgment of the matter might be different. eminences. hadjis.

tala- poins. santons. Infralapsarian. subdeans. canonesses. diocesans. suf- cures. n. scribes. classleaders. prerever- beadles. a visionary quo given in exchange for a substantial quid. less hold that that luck- was decreed from the beginning. curates. chaplains. prophets. curates. mutifs and pumpums. abbotesses. bishops. lectors. caloyers. deans. capitulars. incumbents. centors. cenobites. clerks. abdals. palmers. fragans. novices. padres. cardinals. lamas. rural deans. sophis. ences. bishops. arch- beneficiaries. Influence. rectors. vergers. postulants. fakeers. church wardens. vicars-choral. abbots. In politics. sextons. believe that less «. beads- men. mudjoes. rabbis. pastors. prioresses. bonezs. sheiks. Infralapsariaas are sometimes . vicars. acolytes. preachers. charm-sellers. perpetual readers. patriarchs. revivalists. gooroos. priors. sacristans. hierarchs. imaums. ulemas. residentiaries. dervises. One who to ventures to Adam need who not have sinned unin opposition to the he had a mind person's fall — Supralapsarians.163 bendaries. pilgrims. archdeacons.

The sects ye belong to I'm ready to swear Ye wrongly interpret the names that they bear. moved by the spirit. bitter as gall. called Sublapsarians without material effect upon the importance and lucidity of views about their Adam. Supralapsarian pup! Should nothing aver but that Adam slipped up. And learning the cause of their quarrel (for still As they clumsily sparred they disputed with skill foreordinational freedom of will) this reasonless Cried: "Sirrahs! warfare compose: Atwixt ye's no difference worthy of blows. their hands went round." the other maintained. "for the Lord Decreed he should "Not so "Which — own accord. staff in his hand and a scowl in his eye. their Two theologues once." . engaged in colloquial fray An earnest logomachy. or even beginning. Concerning poor " way Adam and what made him 'Twas Predestination. the fight. as they wended To chapel. led him to choose what the Lord had ordained." So fierce and so fiery grew the debate That nothing but bloodshed their dudgeon could So off flew their cassocks sate and caps to the ground And." 'twas Free will. A A Of gray old professor of Latin came by." cried one fall of his — fall. Ere either had proved his theology right By winning.— — 164 . You Infralapsarian son of a clown! — — Should only contend that While you —you Adam slipped down.

n. «." fate Ariel Selp. Ink. "lead me to him With veneration I am overcome.J." "Sad your He cannot bless you. A villainous compound of tanno- . n. Injury." sneered the cynic. straight And fain would have his blessing. for I grieve to state The man is dumb. A burden which of all those we is load upon others and carry ourlightest in the i selves hands and heaviest upon the back. that to a slight." "Ho!" cried the cynic." men are ingrates. "Nay.— 165 It's all the You slip same whether up or down on a peel of banana brown. of thunder! Even Adam analyzed not his blunder. Ingrate. But thought he had slipped on a peal G. One who is receives a benefit from another. n. The good philanthropist replied. or "All otherwise an object of charity. An offense next in degree of enormity Injustice. "I did great service to a man one day Who never since has cursed me to repay. Nor vilified.

cliiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.166 gallate of iron. having to us. There are men called journalists who have established ink baths which some persons pay money to get into. The properties of ink are peculiar and contra- be used to make reputations and unmake them." Among innate ideas may "a be mentioned the belief in one's ability to con- . ideas that — as innate ideas. and as a whitewash to conceal after- ward the rascal quality of the material. Not infrequently it occurs that a person who has paid to get in pays twice as out. to blacken them and to make them white. much to get Innate. others to get out of. that we are born with. though Locke foolit ishly supposed himself to have given black eye. is Natural. being an innate idea and therefore inaccessible to disproof. had them previously imparted doctrine of innate ideas is The itself one of the most admirable faiths of philosophy. inherent to say. ad'}. but it is most generally dictory : it may and acceptably employed as a mortar to bind together the stones in an edifice of fame. gum-arabic and water.

n. but that acute observer and renowned authority. it is best to suspend judgment by believing other bowels. n. in the greatness of one's country. Servis holds that man's soul is that prolongation of his spinal marrow which forms the pith of his no tail and for demonstration of his faith points confidently to the fact that tailed animals have no souls.167 duct a newspaper. Professor Garrett P. in the importance of one's personal affairs and in the interesting nature of one's diseases. Gunsaulus. is persuaded that the mysterious organ known as the spleen is nothing less than our immortal part. Many both. in the superiority of one's civilization. Something written on another Inscriptions are of many kinds. Inscription. Concerning these two theories. heart. The stomach. but mostly memorial. soul and eminent investigators do not class the soul as an in'ard. Dr. To the contrary. . In'ARDS. thing. intended to commemorate the fame of some illustrious person and hand down to distant ages the record of his .

Cut ds. By and by my body'U rise To my spirit in the skies.) tions belongs the ciled on the "In the sky my soul is found. let not ambition trouble you. Now." Fell to Earth Jan. 3. To this class of inscrip- name of John Smith. down May 9th. in vain. 1807. and had the dust brushed him Oct. 20. 1862. Is the advice of Silas W. Wood. 4 mos. in the regions of bliss. Phisicians was Till Deth left released the dear deceased And Gone her a remain." "Affliction sore long time she boar." "Sacred to the memory of Jeremiah Tree." to join Ananias "The clay that rests beneath this stone As Silas Wood was widely known. aged 27 yrs. penWashington monument. And my body in the ground. lying here.168 services and virtues. O Man. off "Richard Haymon. I ask what good It was to me to be S. and 12 Indigenous. 1874-" . Soaring up to Heaven's gate. 1878. of Heaven. Following are examples of memorial inscriptions on tombstones: (See EPITAPH.

" cries the chorus of admiring preachers. Please make the annual premium so low that by the time when. "How Providence provides for all His creatures!" "His care. according to the tables of your actuary. chance in n. your house may burn down at any time. then. There was Smith's house. that is a fine — pray let me insure House Owner: With pleasure. and Robin- which Spare me/ Insurance Agent: ." the gnat said. on the contrary. Insurance. dear sir. which House Owner: son's house. and Jones's house. Insurance Agent: house My it. O must dear. "See. no —we could not so that We fix the premium you will have paid more. An ingenious modern game of is which the player permitted to is enjoy the comfortable conviction that he beating the man who keeps the table. Insurance Agent: afford to do that. House Owner: How. "even the insects follows: For us He has provided wrens and swallows.—— 169 INSECTIVORA." Sempen Railey. Spare me — there were Brown's house. n. for example. can / afford that? Insurance Agent: Why. be destroyed by less fire I it will probably will have paid you considerably than the face of the policy.

we should make ourselves whole from our luckier ventures with other clients. that make the aggregate certainty. that they lose money on you ies it is probable. Virtually. . how could you if it — were insured? Insurance Agent: O. you me to bet that it my house will not last so long you say that will probably last. refer- ence to the whole body of your clients. If I could not afford that. own when it premiums I would otherwise have paid amounting to more than the face of the policy to you they would have bought. before the time upon which your figures are based. don't I help their houses as likely Are not mine to burn before they have paid you as much The case stands this way: as you must pay them? you expect to take more money from your clients than you pay to them. You want me to pay you money on the supposition that something will occur previously to the time set by yourself for expect as its occurrence. if Insurance Agent: we did not House Owner: money. all the Beg your pardon — ^by your actuary's tables I shall probably have saved. then. if Insurance Agent: But out insurance it your house burns with- will be a total loss. I would not If it is trust you with with my Very well. with reference to any one It is these individual probabilit- of them. they pay your loss. do you not? Certainly. House Owner: And to pay their losses? as virtually. uninsured. certain. But suppose it to burn.— 170 House Owner: Let us understand each other. then. In other words. that he will. House Owner: burns..

Will you not be more likely to squander them? We offer you an incentive to thrift. An unsuccessful revolu- tion. but a charitable to institution its you command from a esteem. Interregnum. n. Intention. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said. immediate or remote. n. set . accept expression Deserving Insurrection.— 171 Insurance Agent: I will pamph not deny it —but look the at the figures in this House Owner: Heaven forbid! Insurance Agent: You spoke of saving premiums which you would otherwise pay to me. of the performance of act. House Owner: care of B's as The is willingness of A to take money not peculiar to insurance. The period during which a . Disaffection's failure to substitute mis- bad government. Deign Object. an involuntary Interpreter. rule for n. The mind's sense of the pre- valence of one set of influences over another an effect whose cause is the imminence. n.

the more they Their spirits with emotion melt. Two Seidlitz powders.172 monarchical country is governed by a warm spot on the cushion of the throne. To all Acknowledging he had them in So high degree it was a sin. The experiment of letting the spot grow cold has commonly been attended by most unhappy results from the zeal of many worthy per- sons to make it warm again. To confidences straight they fell. Then they effervesced! . one in blue And one in white. Intimacy^ which fools providentially drawn for their mutual n. Then each remorsefully confessed the virtues he possessed. Less anxious each to hear than tell. A relation into are de- struction. Till tears of sentiment expressed felt Their feelings. So close their intimacy grew One paper would have held the two. Forsoolt their jackets for the snug Enjoyment of a common mug. together drew. And having each a pleasant sense Of t'other powder's excellence. The more they said.

" Inventor. which implies the right to introduce without request or permission. A person who makes an ingen- . n. indeed. Every American being the equal of every other American. The Declaration of Independence should have read thus "We men hold these truths to be self-evident: that all are created equal. The introduction attains its most malevolent development in this country. that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights. particularly the liberty jfirst to introduce persons if to one another without not already ascertaining they are acquainted as enemies. I am I. and the pursuit of another's happiness with a running pack of strangers. being. that among these are life. A social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies. k. Introduction. it follows that everybody has the right to know everybody else.: 173 So Nature executes her feats Of wrath on The good old That you are friends and sympathetes rule you and who won't apply. closely related to our political system. and the right liberty. to make that of another miserable by thrusting upon him an incalculable quantity of acquaintances.

of the University of Belgrade. standing for a Latin verb. The patriotism of a Scotchman. J is consonant in English. n." because stone is when a thrown at a dog the dog's is tail assumes that shape. Itch. as the origin of the expounded by the renowned Dr. but some nations use it as a vowel than which nothing could be more absurd. This letter. who established his conclusions on work of three quarto volumes and committed suicide on being reminded that the j in the Roman alphabet had originally no curl. was that of the tail of a subdued dog. and believes it civilization. which a — has been but slightly modified. Its original form. ious and IRRELIGION. the subject in a . and it was not a letter but a character. "to throw. n.174 arrangement of wheels. levers springs. Jocolpus Bumer. The principal one of the great faiths of the world. jacere.

An officer formerly attached to a king's household. The jester was commonly called a fool. and there confessed her. n. panged the patrician sense of humor and tapped the audiences with the same jests tank of royal tears. if Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only adj. circus of to-day the melancholy ghost of the court fool effects the dejection of humbler wherewith in life he gloomed the marble hall.175 Jealous. whose business it was to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances. Jester. The king it himself be- ing attired with dignity. not worth keeping. the absurdity being attested by his motley costume. The widow-queen of Portugal Had an audacious jester Who entered the confessional Disguised. but the poets and romancers have ever delighted to represent him as a In the singularly wise and witty person. . took the world some centuries to discover that his own conduct and decrees were sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind.

played by holding it fast with the teeth and trying to brush it away with the finger. indeed. An unmusical instrument." priest replied. Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery." the mimic "That sin. is is And common. religion. "But since thy stubborn heart will be For him forever pleading. Thou'dst better make him. Joss-sticks. «. by decree. Jews-harp." she said. Justice.— 176 "Father. Who damned her from the altar! Bar el Dort. A commodity which in a more or . "thine ear bend down My I love sins are more than scarlet: my fool —blaspheming clown. varlet. in hope With Heaven's taboo to palter. n. Then told a priest. in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy n." She made the fool a duke. A man of birth and breeding. base-born "Daughter. awful: denied The church's pardon love that is To unlawful. who told the Pope.

" The form of the letter was originally precisely that of our H. C. K K is from the Greeks. — — . As the earlier form of the letter is supposed to have been suggested by these pillars. circa 730 B. but In their tongue it the erudite Dr. which means "destroyed.177 less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance. Snedeker explains that it was altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of the great temple of Jarute by an earthquake. it is thought by the great antiquary. its later was adopted not to say touchas a simple and natural means of keeping the calamity ever in ing It is not known if the national memory. was called Klatch. so. one of which was broken in half by the catastrophe. This building was famous for the two lofty columns of its portico. the other remaining intact. a small commercial a consonant that we get nation inhabiting the peninsula of Smero. taxes and personal service. but it can be traced away back beyond them to the Cerathians.

at any rate. A costume in Scotchmen Scotland. A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction. or the name was always Klatch and the destruction one of nature's puns. Kilt. v. Snedeker arrayed himself on t. «.178 the name of the letter was altered if as an additional mnemonic. To create a vacancy without nom- inating a successor. He willed away his whole estate. that side of the question. n. v. King. Keep." But when upon the tomb 'twas wrought Whose was it? for the dead keep naught Durang Gophel Arn- — Kill. As each theory seems probable enough. A male person commonly known in . sometimes worn by America and Americans in Kindness. n. I see no objection to believing both —and Dr. t. Murmuring: "Well. And then in death he fell asleep. My name unblemished I shall keep.

Sire. King's Evil. A king." although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of. n. that you would thrive. A malady that was formerly cured by the touch of the sovereign." Oogum Bern. but at his touch. but has now to be treated by the physicians. Said to his lazy jester: "If I were you and you were I My moments merrily would No fly care nor grief to pester. as the "Doctor" in Macbeth hath it This . The great essay of art. Such sanctity hath Heaven given They presently amend." The fool said "if you'll hear it — Is that of all the fools alive Who own you for their sovereign. Thus "the most pious Edward" of England used to lay his royal hand upon and make them whole a his ailing subjects That stay his cure: their crowd of wretched souls malady convinces his hand. I've The most forgiving spirit." "The reason.— — — 179 America as a "crowned head. long gone by. in times long.

I'm now y-pight: I have y= itche! The superstition that maladies can be cured is by royal taction dead. old enough to show that the jest is about Scotland's national disorder a thing of yesterday. he of Scottlande He layde his hand on charmed awaye. be transmitted along with other crown properties. not Y^ Kynge his evill in me laye. for according colm. To The the succeeding royalty he leaves healing benediction." from scrofa. But the of gift somewhere dropped out of the line of succession: the later sovereigns England have not been tactual healers.180 useful property of the royal hand could. but like many a . The date and author of the following epigram are to the known only but it is author of this dictionary. and the disease once honored with the name "king's evil" now bears the humbler one of "scrofula. to it appears. a sow. ') 'tis "Mal- spoken. Wh. mine and sayd: "Be gone!" Y« ill no longer stayd. But O y= wofull plyght in wh.

ing "survival" one which brings the sainted past close home to our "business and — bosoms. but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.181 departed conviction it has left a monument of custom to keep its memory green. All swoln and ulcerous. The mere despair of surgery. and when that great dignitary bestows his heal- ing salutation on strangely visited people." supposed in a general way. A word invented by It is the poets as a to signify. pitiful to the eye." Kiss. Kleptomaniac. rhyme for "bliss. n. . The practice of forming in line and shaking the President's hand had no other origin. some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding. he and his patients are handing along an extinguished torch which once was kindled at the altar-fire of a faith long held by all It is a beautiful and edifyclasses of men. n. A rich thief.

a warrior gende of birth. Noble Knights of the Golden Flea. — Knights of the Order of Steboy. Labor. Land. A part of the earth's surface. A book which inspiration. a fellow to Then Now move our mirth. n. Koran. knighting fad God speed the day when this Shall go to the dogs and the dogs go mad. St. divine n. and fellow We no more: must knight our dogs to get any lower. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. Gorge and Sir Knights Jawy. the Mohammedans by foolishly believe to have been written know to but which Christians be a wicked imposture. contradict- ory to the Holy Scriptures.182 Knight. person. Once n. Brave Knights Kennelers then shall be. a person of civic worth. Warrior. The theory that land and control property subject to private ownership is the foundation of modern . is «. Knights of St. con- sidered as property.

Carried to its logical conclusion. to exist. there will be no place for D. A famous piece of antique sculptname and ure representing a priest of that . charm the treasure. A life on the ocean wave. It follows that if the whole area of terra firma is owned by A. or. Language^ n. They give me the cat-o'-nine Whenever I go ashore. is and own implies the right exclusively to occupy. that nature gave A home on I For the spark have there the right to keep. it means that some have the right to prevent others from living.— 183 eminently worthy of the superstructure. born as trespassers. the rolling deep. for the right to society. E. n. B and C. Then ho for the flashing brine ! I'm a natural commodore! Dodle. F and G to be born. and in fact laws of trespass are enacted wherever property in land is recognized. The music with which we serpents guarding another's LaocoON.

Lap. . shoemaker's implement. The male of our species has a rudimentary lap. Last. unknown. Gargo Repsky. might forget his last And hear your own. n. n. plates of cold chicken but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support and heads of adult males. named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the A maker of puns. One of the most important organs of the female system — an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy. punster. would my is Where So that I the cobbler lot were cast. Ah. imperfectly developed and in no way contributing to the animal's substantial welfare. The and diligence with lads support the to their as which the old man and serpents and keep them up have been justly regarded work one of the noblest artistic illustrations of the mastery of human intelligence over brute inertia.184 his two sons in the folds of skill two enormous serpents.

but impregnable to the microbes having original jurisdiction in bestowal of the disease. n. Liability to attacks of laughter is one of the characteristics being not only inaccessible to the provocation of his example. incurable. Robert Southey had the most notable knack at drugging the Samson of public joy and cut- . From this peculiarity he names the disorder Convulsio spargens. laurel. pro- ducing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. Meir Witchell holds that the infectious character of laughter is due to instantaneous fermentation of sputa diffused in a spray. It is infectious and. Of all incumbents of that high office. Dr. An interior convulsion. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court. acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral. Crowned with leaves of the adj.185 Laughter. from the animals —these distinguishing man Laureate. though intermittent. Whether laughter could be imparted to animals by inoculation from the human patient is a question that has not been answered by experimentation.

Once Law was sitting on the bench.— 186 ting his hair to the quick. And Mercy knelt a-weeping. J. Law." she replied "Friend of the court. . The laurus. so please you. "Clear out!" he cried. Apollo.) as had influence at court." "Begone I never I" he shouted — "there's the door saw your face before!" G. Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction. Tis plain your have no standing here. His Honor cried: devil seize "Your status? — you!" "Arnica curiae. Lawful. Laurel^ to n. a vegetable dedicated and formerly defoliated to wreathe the brows of victors and such poets {Vide Supra. adj." Then Justice came. Upon your knees if you appear. — and he had an art- istic color-sense which enabled him so to blacken a public grief as to give it the aspect of a national crime. "disordered wench! Nor come before me creeping. n.

. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers —particul- arly to those who love not wisely but other is men's wives. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities. useful metal! O — ^were We'd grapple one another's ears alway: thee buzzing like a bee But when we hear We. vital inevitable. straight. when allowed not for thee By the chirurgeon. Hail. Fogging the And with a swift. n. Lead also of great service as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. n. Thy it judgment. "care not to stay. Searching precision find the unavowed But point. Laziness. like And when old Muhlenberg." the quick have run away like pullets Jack Satan smelts the dead to make new bullets. endowed penetration to pierce any cloud field of controversial hate. settles the debate. in Unwarranted repose of manner a person of low degree. n. One skilled in circumvention of the law. Lead.187 Lawyer. holy Lead! — of human feuds the great And With universal arbiter.

Legacy. is legging out of this vale of Leonine. Lecturer. his tongue in your ear and his faith your patience. n. One with his hand in your pocket. Cries Pluto. Silcox does not undertake to teach the pronunciaation of the ine verses are so called in Greek and Latin tongues. 'twixt his snores : "O tempera ! O mores !" It should be explained that Mrs. .188 Learning. A gift from one who tears. in «. which a word middle of a end. it n. Leonin the ine verses are those in . whom to discover that a a pleasure in believing to have been the rhyming couplet could be run into a single line. as in this famous passage rhymes with a word at the from Bella Peeler Silcox: The electric light invades the dunnest deep of Hades. The kind of ignorance disting- uishing the studious. Leonhonor of a poet prosodists appear to find first named Leo. adj. Unlike a menagerie line lion.

of Stanford University. "Wherewith. An herb of the genus Lactuca. maintains with considerable heat was a species of gigantic Tadpole. For by his inner light the righteous man has discerned a manner of compounding for it a dressing to the appetency whereof a multitude of gustible condiments conspire. Hengist Pelly. Jordan. Some suppose it to have been the whale. the entire comestible making glad the heart of the godly and causing his face to shine. being reconciled and ameliorated with profusion of oil. "God has been pleased to reward the good and punish the wicked. mustard. For an exhaustive that it . Dr." Leviathan." says that pious gastronome. salt and garlic. Wherefore the person of spiritual unworth bath of suffers an intestinal pang of strange com- plexity and raises the song. But the person of spiritual unworth is successfully tempted of the Adversary to eat of lettuce with destitution of oil. An enormous aquatic animal mentioned by Job.— 189 Lettuce^ «. and with a rascal vinegar polluted with sugar. n. {Thaddeus Polandensis) or Polliwig Maria pseudo-hirsuta. but that distinguished ichthyologer. egg.

not to give a law. description and history of the pestilent fellow who. Thaddeus of Warsaw. makes new words and uses the old in an un- . havits methods. The natural servility of the human understanding having invested him with judicial power." whereas his function is A only to make a record. ing written his dictionary. under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language. stiffen its flexibility and mechanize For your lexicographer. the bold and discerning writer who. n. comes to be considered "as one having authority. Let the dictionary (for example) mark a good word as "obsolete" or "obsolescent" and few men thereafter venture to use it. whatever their need of it and however desirable its restoration to favor whereby the process of impoverishment is accelerated and speech decays.190 Tadpole consult the famous monograph of Jane Porter. Lexicographer. recognizing the truth that language — must grow by innovation if it grow at all. surrenders its right of reason and submits itself to a chronicle as if it were a statute. On the contrary. does what he can to arrest its growth.

" they rise And scan the list. a fled Thought left took. ." LlARj ra. A lawyer with a roving commission.— 191 familiar sense. and say without compassion: Sigismund Smith. from her "Give me my when I'll she cries: and return. and the language now rapidly perishing at one end and slowly renewed at the other was in vigorous growth and hardy preservation sweeter than honey and stronger than a lion the lexicographer . — — was a person creation which "Let and unknown. "Excuse us —they are mostly out of fashion. when a Shakspeare and a Bacon were possible. leafy covert clothes Now. In the golden prime and high noon of English speech when from the lips of the great Elizabethans fell words that made their own meaning and carried it in their very sound. has no following and is tartly reminded that "it isn't in the dictionary" although down to the time of the first lexicographer (Heaven forgive him!) no author ever had used a word that was in the dictionary." swarm! her clothing. Spirit perish into said: lexicographers arose. the dictionary a his Creator had not created Form. And catalogued each garment in a book. which they him God And to create.

though the latter is frequently found as an independent species. particularly . and the parallel maintains itself throughout. A useful functionary. hension of missed. LiFEj n. not inIn frequently found editing a newspaper. «. his character of editor to the he is closely allied blackmailer by the tie of occasional is identity. its We live in daily appre- loss. "Is life worth ing?" has been much discussed. One of Imagination's most prec- ious possessions. You'll have. n. Roared round the palace: "Liberty or death!" "If death will do. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay." the King said. for in truth the lickspittle only the blackmailer under another aspect.192 Liberty. every sneak will plunder if he dare. Lickspittle. "let me reign. The rising People. Lickspittling is more detestable than blackmailing. precisely as the business of a confidence man is more detestable than that of a highway robber. yet when lost it is not liv- The question. no reason to complain. for whereas few robbers will cheat." Martha Braymance. I'm sure. hot and out of breath.

The branch of a an American woman. n. "Life's not worth still living. Lighthouse. fetch me Han Soper. When kicked by a jackass at eighty-three. than I think he ought Higher than can be right. . And the salesman laced them tight To a very remarkable height Higher." Carelessly caroled the golden youth.— — 193 by those who think it is not. 'Twas a tree or the leg of pair of boots that the lady bought. n. In manhood he maintained that view And "Go held it more strongly the older he grew. Limb. indeed. and that's the truth. For the Bible declares ^but never mind: — It is hardly fit To censure With Myself freely and fault to find others for sins that I'm not inclined to commit. many of whom have written at great length in support of their view and by careful observance of the laws of health enjoyed for long terms of years the honors of successful controversy. a surgeon at once!" cried he. A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.

n. I'm It hurts too high to endure. himself. as a A machine which you go as a sausage. figs For her pains and stroked her toes. A n. made a grimace. is "This boot. into pig and come out of . Litigant^ «. skin for the hope of retaining Litigation. just Remarking with speech and manner Befitting his calling: "Madam. when made of hemp. artless. the truth compels me to say. Though As he he didn't care two throes. to his face he gave Then. And blushingly said to him: sure. "A kind of cloth the making of which. I trust That it doesn't hurt your twigs. Besides." The salesman smiled in a manner mild. person about to give up his his bones. The boots in question were the lace she As he drew made that way. checking A look as sorrowful as the grave. Discharging the censorious stone. Percival Dike." Galcraft the Hangman. It still my own were unfair first to pitch in.— 194 Each has his weakness. Linen." B. and though Is freedom from every sin. my —hurts my —limb. Like an undesigning child. entails a great waste of hemp.

The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver. John Satan has been suggested as a suitable recipient by a lover of consistency. and written $$c. and even Gascoygne. gifted with legal gumption. Some suspicion is upon this derivation by the fact that the was formerly £. Letters indicating the degree Legump- tionorum Doctor. speaking of the emotional side of human nature. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose.— LlVER^ n. in place of the old D. The new honor will be known as Sanctorum Custus. At the date of this writing Columcast title bia University of is considering the expediency making another degree for clergymen. the thing we live with. without it that bird would be unable to supply us with .. .D. LL. the Strasbourg pate.d. — 195 A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with.D. Damnator Dtaboli." It was at one time considered the seat of life hence its name liver. and conferred only upon gentlemen distinguished for their wealth. The name of the Rev.£.. one learned in laws. calls it "our hepaticall parte.

n. LOCK-AND-KEY^ of civilization n.— 196 who points out that Professor Harry Thurs- ton Peck has long enjoyed the advantage of a degree. Minor Premise One man can dig a post: — : hole in sixty seconds. by combining logic and mathematics. n. consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion thus: Major Premise Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man. This may be called the syllogism arith- metical. Lodger. Logic. we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed. in which. A The art of thinking and reasoning accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstandin strict ing. . therefore Conclusion : Sixty men can dig a post- hole in one second. The basic of logic is the syllogism. The distinguishing device and enlightenment. less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity. the Bedder and the Mealer. the Roomer.

if this is we cannot know true. said to the king: "Give me. «. For reading Milton's wit we perish too. Longanimity^ dure injury maturing a plan of revenge. The King looking-glass. The disposition to enwith meek forbearance while n. A certain courtier who had long enjoyed the and was thereby enriched beyond any other subject of the realm.197 Logomachy. Longevity. the vanquished being unconscious of defeat. «. n. not his own image. A war in which the weapons wounds punctures are words and the swim-bladder of self-esteem a kind of contest in which. I pray. thy wonderful king's favor . but only that of the king. of Manchuria had a magic whereon whoso looked saw. A vitreous plane upon which to display a fleeting show for man's disillusion given. Uncommon extension of the fear of death. Looking-glass. the victor is — in the denied the reward of success. 'Tis said by divers of the scholar-men That poor Salmasius Alas! died of Milton's pen.

he found — . This so angered him that he fisted it hard. had the mirror set into courtier's palace. the king restored his courtier to liberty. but after. shattering the glass. he commanded that the ungrateful courtier be thrown into prison. Enraged all the more by this mischance. and was sorely hurt. and this was done. Taught wisdom and charity. the king commanded that the mirror be conveyed to the having gone it in an apartment where was naught but idle lumber. Noonday Sun of the Universe!" O Pleased with the speech. having a bloody bandage on one of its hinder hooves as the artificers and all who had looked upon it had before discerned but feared to report. as which nothing has so divine splendor.198 mirror. But when the king looked again on the mirror he saw not his image as before. prostrating myself night and morning in the glory of thy benign countenance. but only the figure of a crowned ass. And the mirror was dimmed with dust and overlaced with cobwebs. thither without apprisal. and that the glass be repaired and taken back to his own palace. so that when absent out of thine august presence I may yet do homage before thy visible shadow.

" of Draw. an English tourist above the state of a costermonger. Lord Cadde I don't hesitate here to declare Unworthy the father-in-legal care Of that elderly sport. of 'Amstead 'Eath. The traveling Briton of lesser degree is addressed as "Sir. Loquacity. Miss Sallie Ann Splurge." as. notwithstanding the truth all the follies That Cadde had renounced of youth. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue to talk. also. as a title of the Supreme Being. the whole court saw in the mirror the luminous figure of an angel. Sir 'Arry Donkiboi. as. wish Lord. Lord 'Aberdasher.— 199 the back of the throne and reigned many years with justice and humility. but this is thought to n. he'd arrived at the stage . The word "Lord" is sometimes used. For. Lord Hartisan and so forth. n. of her own Wedded a wandering English lord Wedded and took him to dwell with A parent who throve by the practice her "paw. when you In American society. be rather flattery than true reverence. accord. and one fell asleep in death while on the throne. which day when he remains to this day. sad to relate.

wrecked in his fortune. but retained at each ear Denuded A whisker that looked like a blasted career. Splurge without fear Began as Lord Splurge his recouping career. And took. . despair and dismay From Fell the land of the nobleman's natural prey. patter they Alas. Inadequate aid in the practice of Draw. neat-fitting garments he wilfully shed And sacked himself strangely in checks instead. that gentleman saw that's Of existence Among them. The made as they fell at his feet! Re-outfitted thus. as a means of augmenting his pelf. For. cupidity caused him to urge Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge. J. In speech he eschewed his American ways. To His the business of being a lord himself. Denying his nose to the use of his A's And dulling their edge till the delicate sense Of a babe at their temper could take no offence. The moony monocular set in his eye Appeared to be scanning the Sweet Bye-and-Bye. painted his neck an incarnadine hue He Each morning and varnished it all that he knew. And his low-necked shoes were aduncous and flat.200 marked by the vices of age. the Divinity shaping his end Entertained other views and decided to send His lordship in horror. Till. Lady Cadde suffering Caesar! — in love with her dad! G. His H's —'twas most inexpressibly sweet. His head was enroofed with a billycock hat. his chin. smit with his — Old World ways. Mr.

or it is had not." "Little bane. This latter is commonly designated as folk-lore and em- braces popularly myths and superstitions. in the latter sense. toward a com- mon origin in remote antiquity." and so forth." Loss." fable Red Riding Hood and the Sugar Trust. Privation of that which we had. is Learning —particularly that sort which not derived from a regular course of instruction but comes of the reading of occult books. «." "Beauty and the Bris- "The Seven Aldermen of Ephesus. Among the Giant these are the fables of Killer. said of a defeated candidate that he "lost . Thus. through various peoples on converging lines. or by nature." "Rip Van Fairbanks. The which Goethe so affectingly re- lates under the title of "The Erl-King" was known two thousand years ago in Greece as "The Demos and the Infant Industry. «. In Baring-Gould's Curious Myths of the Middle Ages the reader will find many of these traced backward." One of the most general and ancient of these myths is that Arabian tale of "Ali Baba and the Forty Rockefellers.201 Lore." "Teddy "The Sleeping John Sharp Williams.

: 202 and of that eminent man. that he has "lost his mind. n. It is sometimes fatal. as an editor by not writing about Lunarian. For while he Whatever he exercised all his powers gained. like caries and many other ailments." It is in the former and more legitimate sense. subject. the poet Gilder. is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions. but A more frequently patient. Here Huntington's ashes long have lain Whose loss is our own eternal gain. barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. up. This disease. marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. "Raised" instead of brought Luminary. temporary insanity curable by Love. n. An inhabitant of the moon. adj. to the physician than to the Low-bred. the loss was ours. that the word is used in the famous epitaph his election" . as . One who throws light upon a it. «.

When.: 203 distinguished from Lunatic. its form. says they are more like the hill tribes of Vermont. I let them go! Farquharson Harris. The world shall suffer when and O. n. and it shall come at length. stupid shepherd lolling on his crook With I bide deaf attention scarcely deigns to look. For example. And The pick with care the disobedient wire. my time. that of a heavy club. An is ancient instrument of torture. as in the follow- ing fiery lines of our great poet. indicates . but Professor Newcomb servers. Bragellos avers their anatomical identity with Man. The word now used in a figurative sense to denote the poetic faculty. Ella Wheeler Wilcox I sit astride Parnassus with my lyre. Lyre^ n. The Lunarians have been described by Lucian. with I'll a Titan's energy and strength. one whom the moon inhabits. Locke and other ob- but without much agreement. A Its staff of office signifying authority. M Mace. grab a fistful of the strings.

born in 1753. One forgotten of the gods is abundfrom Methuselah to Old Parr. and living n. but some notable instances of longevity are less well known. So prospers still the diplomatic art. S.204 original purpose and use in dissuading dissent. lived so long that he had what he to a great age. A Calabrian peasant named Coloni. and that in all that time he . History antly supplied with examples. considered a glimpse of the dawn of uni- versal peace. And Satan bows. Scanavius relates that he knew an archbishop who was so old that he could remember a time when he did not deserve hanging. honorable n. England. And honest wolves who think upon't with loathing Feel bound to don the sheep's deceptive clothing. declared that he had lived five hundred years. R. one's opponents in baffling one's efforts to So plain the advantages of machination It constitutes a moral obligation. The method employed by open and do the right thing. K. In 1566 a linen draper of Bristol. with hand upon his heart. Macrobian. from Machination.

There are is instances of longevity {macrobiosis) in our own country. has a mem- ory that goes back to the time when he was a rascal.: 205 had never told a lie. shouting. "generally speaking. a newspaper in New York City. but not to the fact The President of the United States was born so long ago that many of the friends of his youth have risen to high political and military preferment without the assistance of personal merit. honey. The jokes were fine and funny. A brightness was in all the waters. as well. the air. reeking. The verses following were written by a macrobian When And In I was young the world was all fair amiable and sunny. Men were not ranting." Nor women The Summer It lasted then was long indeed: one whole season! The sparkling Winter gave no heed When ordered by Unreason . And when you heard a bit of news 'Twas true enough to tell. And in their lives. The statesmen honest in their views. Senator Chauncey Depew old enough to know better. The editor of The American.

And has for compensation mortal sight has failed although to angels' eyes such a boon. where the sense In calling that a year Which does no more than is just commence Before the end near? When was young the year extended month to month until it ended. not the same chokes you when it it is impure. everything now arranged he To make a fellow weary. sure. neuralgic or Well. With windows Open. When pure makes you lame. for. closed you are asthmatic. the dickens is Now. They're visibly unveiled. The Weather Man Has much to do with The It air is — I fear it.: ! 206 To bring the early peas on. good land! blessings in a deep disguise Which To If pierce. . sciatic. From I I know not why is the world has changed To And something dark and dreary. Age IS He's costumed by a master hand Venable Strigg. I suppose this new regime would seem Of dun Seems degeneration it eviler than To Some a better observation.

This ance. For illustration. Affected with a high degree of conforming to standards of thought. unusual. at odds with the majority. not ute of evidence that themselves are sane. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitintellectual independence. Magdalene^ Popularly. adj. Mary word has the authority of ignorof Magdala being another per- woman mentioned by Luke.207 Mad. defini- a woman found out. . instead of the lofty occupation that seems to him to be engaging his powers he may really be beating his hands against the window bars of an asylum and declaring himself Noah Webster. this present is (and illus- trious) lexicographer faith of his own sanity than in of any madhouse no firmer in the is any inmate the land yet for aught . An inhabitant of Magdala. in short. tion of the n. to the innocent delight of many thoughtless spectators. he knows to the contrary. In England the word is proson than the penitent St. It has also the official sanction of the governments of Great Britain and the United States. speech and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves.

to a maggot. for Magdalene. the English may justly boast themselves the greatest of revisers. whence maudlin. ism. Maudlin Magic. Magnificent. Something acted upon by magnet- Magnetism. adjective. There are other same high purpose. Something acting upon a immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists. lexic- Magnet. unpleasantly sentimental. who have ildefinitions The two luminated the subject with a great white light. to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge. but the discreet ographer does not name them. Having a grandeur or splendor superior to that to which the spectator is accustomed.208 nounced Maudlin. An art of converting superstition arts serving the into coin. . magnet. n. to a rabbit. as the ears of an ass. adj. With their and their Bedlam for Bethlehem. or the glory of a glowworm. n. n.

Magnitude being «. the visible universe may be a small part of an atom. floating in the life-fluid (luminiferous ether) of some animal. bird whose thievish disposi- tion suggested to some one that it might be taught to Maiden. . If everything in the universe were increased in bulk one thousand diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before. Possibly the wee creatures peopling the corpuscles of our own blood are overcome with the proper emotion when contemplating the unthinkable distance from one of these to another. A talk. n. nothing is large and nothing small. with its component ions. Magpie. n. purely relative. but if one thing remained unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been. would be no more impressive than those of the For anything we know to the contrary. Size.209 Magnitude. To an understanding familiar with the relativity of magnitude and distance the spaces and masses of the astronomer microscopist. A young person of the unfair sex madden addicted to clewless conduct and views that The genus has a wide to crime.

Male. nor (without her piano and her views) insupportable to the ear. is the field by the canary —^which. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters.— : 210 geographical distribution. audible. Majesty. it never to roast on — me!" Opaline Jones. Grand Chancellors. though in respect to comeliness distinctly inferior to the rainbow. is more A lovelorn "It's maiden she sat and sang This quaint. being found wherever sought and deplored wherever found. Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America. sweet song sang she O for a youth with a football bang And a muscle fair to see! The Captain he Of a team to be! On the gridiron fie shall shine. or . and. beaten out of also. A monarch by right And divine. The maiden is not altogether unpleasing to the eye. n. The state and title of a king. with regard to the part of her that portable. n A member of the unconsidered.

A family of vertebrate state of animals whose females in a suckle their young. Jared Oopf. but the bottle. Malefactor. his doctrines. is The male of the human race commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man. but found that it could not be done by talking. n. pi. nature when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse.211 negligible sex. Mammalia. n. His chief temple York. out his knees in the worship of Mammon. The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers. One of the most practical exponents of the Malthusian idea was Herod of Judea. in the holy city of New He swore And wore that all other religions were gammon. «. or use Mammon. The god of the world's leadis ing religion. factor in the Malthusian^ adj. Pertaining to Malthus and Malthus believed in artificially limiting population. progress of the The chief human race. though all the famous soldiers have been of the same way of thinking. .

'Mongst king and priest We're not Save here in that way at present." cried the crowd. your duty. howe'er extreme Their hunger." He humbly bowed. chief occupation is His extermination of other species. how- with such insistent rapidity whole habitable earth and Canada. n. And. animals and his ever. indeed. however bare Their backs. was Was By "It one day with a tarry coat feathers backed (With is and breasted) patriots invested. When And the world was young and Man was new. An animal so lost in rapturous conis templation of what he thinks he as to over- look what he indubitably ought to be. For all are kings. where We have that old regime. detested. therefore. multiplies as to infest the own which. "Your ballot true to cast For the man o' your choice. And explained his wicked past: . who would not vote.212 Man. everything was pleasant. Distinctions Nature never drew and peasant. each has a voice To accept the tyrant of his party's choice. this Republic. A citizen And.

Evil. n. Manna. fertilizing it. n. a mistress and two slaves." Manes. making in all. with the bodies of the original occu- pants. . n. of dull discomfort until the bodies .213 "That's what I very gladly would have done. as a rule. They were in a state from which they had exhaled were buried and burned and they seem not to have been particularly happy afterward. Martyr. Dear patriots. One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil. but he has never run. n. n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master. Manicheism. The immortal parts of dead Greeks and Romans. two. Apperton Duke. Marriage. A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness.

immaterial to me.214i Material. A small rnetal disk given as a . Material things I know. The objectionable case of I. of the rich. Medal. The final and funniest folly Mayonnaise. Important. n. the objectionable and the oppressive. adj. or see. Me. To proceed sinuously and aimlessly. the dominative. which turned and twisted the effort to get out of hearing when the Greeks and Trojans boasted of their prowess. or All else is feel. pro. distinguished from an imaginary one. n. Mausoleum. «. Meander. Jamarach Holobom. Each is all three. The word is the ancient name of a river about one hundred and fifty miles in south of Troy. The personal pronoun in English has three cases. as Having an actual existence. One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion. n.

) A fine white clay. It is related of Bismark. (Literally. Uncommon is ing a revenge that worth while. seafoam. patience in plann- Meekness. No monument shows his Post-mortem inscription. to kill a A stone flung down the Bowery in dog n. being asked the meaning of the medal. Who slew the Egyptian. Medicine. M is for Moses. The Biographical Alphabet. And sometimes he didn't. n. who had been awarded a medal for gallantly rescuing a drowning person. But M is for Moses.215 reward for virtues. which for convenit brown is made into tobacco pipes and smoked by the workmen ience in coloring . that. Broadway." n. attainments or services more or less authentic. and by many erroneously supposed to be made of it. he replied: "I save lives sometimes. Who slew the Egyptian. As sweet as a rose is The meekness of Moses. Meerschaum.

And so they batter in the door To take his goods away. "That pipe's a lovely white. Who bought a meerschaum pipe and swore That color it would he! He He shut himself from the world away." they "But it has colored him !" say. he Nor any As hard smoked by smoked'by day. the youngster Nut-brown in face and limb." The neighbors sadly say. lay. This wofultale.. it The purpose of has not been disclosed by the manufacturers. may be). Martin Bulstrode. Of winds that blew aloof The weeds were in the gravel The owl was on the roof. pipe in mouth. . The moral there's small need to sing 'Tis plain as day to you: Don't play your game on any thing That is a gamester too. soul he saw. — 216 engaged coloring in that industry. "He's gone afar. he'll come no more. There was a youth (you've heard before. night. in the as he could His dog died moaning wrath path. Dead. draw.

Mesmerism. Addicted to rhetoric. kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner. n. Mercy. adj. ialism. One engaged is in a commercial is A commercial pursuit one in which the thing pursued a dollar. n. Merchant. Metropolis. A by the mysterious brain. From the Latin mens. form of matter conits secreted Its chief activity in the endeavor to ascertain own nature. Mind. n. a fact unknown to that honest shoe-seller. good n. sists n. n. the futility of the attempt being due nothing but itself to know itself with. A stronghold of provinc- Millennium. observing that his learned competitor to the fact that it has . The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down. who. Hypnotism before it wore clothes.217 Mendacious. An attribute beloved of detected offenders. with all reformers on the under side. pursuit.

musician. ad]. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize Minister. . Miracle. In diplomacy an officer sent into a foreign country visible ity. Formerly a poet. it. as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king. women's shop front with the and children's conscia recti. Minor. adj. adj." Mine.218 over the way had displayed the motto emblazoned his own words "Men's. Minstrel. n. An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable. n. An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. as the embodiment His principal qualification is a degree of plausible inveracity next below that of an of his sovereign's hostil- ambassador. singer or now a nigger with a color less than skin deep and a humor more than flesh and blood can bear." "Mens conscia recti. Less objectionable.

and tion present significa- may be regarded to as theology's noblest contribution the development of our language. A Misfortune. its A means unbeliever. for he was detected. By misdemeanors he O. dagger which in mediaeval MiSERICORDE. warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal. person of the highest degree of unworth. He robbed a bank to make himself respected. Hanipur. The kind of fortune that never misses. «. woe was him ! essayed to climb Into the aristocraqr of crime. — ^with manner chill and grand "Captains of industry" refused his hand. And "Kings of finance" denied him recognition "railway magnates" jeered his low condition.219 Miscreant. n. the word n. V. S. still They rebuffed him. . An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society. Misdemeanor. Etymologically. n.

in sound and sense. also the ultimate. abbreviated to Mh. indivisible unit distinguished from the cor- puscle. from the molecule. fourth af- A firms. Missis and Mister (Mr. by a closer resemblance to the atom. married A title with which we brand (Mrs. indivisible unit of matter. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. of matter. I venture to suggest Mush.220 Miss. the other of Master. A thought ion differs . Two are corruptions of Mistress. with Haeckel. n.) un- women to indicate that they are in the market. also the ultimate. Three great scientific theories of the struct- ure of the universe are the molecular. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. Miss. the corpuscular and the atomic. The It is ultimate. ific The is present trend of scient- The toward the theory of ions. Molecule. indivisible unit of matter. n. the corpuscle and the atom in that it is an ion.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language. the condensation or precipitation of matter existence is from ether —^whose proved by the condensation or precipitation.

n. as the deriva- Formerly the monarch tion of the jects word attests. a good microscope shows him to be of an entirely distinct species. the monad has body without bulk. for the a gentleman. — German phil- Monarch. and as many subhave had occasion to learn. matter. n. The ultimate. ruled. In Russia and the Orient the monarch has still a con- . as nearly as he seems willing to be understood.) According to Leibnitz.— 221 fifth theory ful if held by idiots. He has founded upon him a theory of the universe. indivisible unit of (See Molecule. He is not to be confounded with the microbe. by its inability to discern him. which the creature bears without resentment. or bacillus. but it is doubtthey know any more about the matter is than the others. and mind without manifestation Leibnitz knows him by the innate power of considering. A person engaged in reigning. tains all monad is Small as he is. the monad conthe powers and possibilities need- ful to his evolution into a osopher of the first class altogether a very capable little fellow. Monad.

he being somewhat preoccupied with lating to the status of his reflections re- own head. Composed of words of never vapid is syllable. Govern- Monday. Monkey. The words say. one adj. Monosyllabic. for literary babes who tire of testifying their delight in the compound by are appropriate googoogling. commonly Saxon —that to words of a barbarous people destitute . «. n. but in is western Europe political administration mostly entrusted to his ministers. Money. Government. the day after the baseball game. Supportable property. of no advantage it. Monarchical ment. In Christian countries. to us n. A blessing that when we is excepting part with An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. makes n.222 siderable influence in public affairs and in the disposition of the human head. An arboreal animal which itself at home in genealogical trees.

of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages. The bones of ruined Agamemnon is are a show. The monument cus- tom has its reductiones ad absurdutn in monuments "to the unknown dead" that is to say.223 of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions. Conforming to a local and the mutable standard of right. The man who writes Is the man to use an ax in Saxon Judibras. A high ecclesiastical title. on. n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commem- orated. It is sayd there be a raunge of mountaynes in the . — Moral. And his royal monument. Having quality of general expediency. Monument. n. monuments to perpetuate the memory of those who have left no memory. adj. but Agamemnon's fame suffers no diminution in consequence. MONSIGNOR.

and some from lack of restoratives. for good esteeme. More. so centuries earlier in Otumwee. enjoyed the pleasures the chase history with is composure. n. Mouse. on one syde of the which certayn conducts are immorall. yet on the other syde they are holden in veenyenced. But if "Roman nine-tenths lying. female heretics were thrown to the mice. act as it shall suite his moode. Jakak-Zotp. He even attempts to exculpate the mice (such is the malice of bigotry) by declaring that the unfortunate women perished. An animal which strews its path with fainting women. the only Otumwump whose writings have descended to us.— 224 Easte. the most ancient and famous city of the world." we can hardly expect a smaller proportion of that . adj. says that these martyrs met their death with little dignity and much exertion. wherebye the mountayneer is much conit is given to him to goe downe eyther way and fence. some from exhaustion. the historian. withouten of- Gooie's Meditations. he avers. The of mice. The comparative degree of too much. some of broken necks from falling over their own feet. As in Rome Christians were thrown to the lions.

. n. A is long glove covering a part of the arm. litical wisdom and virtue. 225 rhetorical figure in the annals of a people capable of so incredible cruelty to lovely woman for a hard heart has a false tongue.. Worn in New Jersey. it . A child of two races. of both. term of contempt. the outlet of the heart. ashamed Multitude. mighty poor way to Mouth. «. n. the source of poIn a republic. the gateway to the soul woman. in n. But a "mousquetaire" spell muskeeter. A Mulatto. a multitude of counsellors there saith the proverb. is "In wisdom. individual of them. the object of the statesman's adoration. A crowd. Mugwump." of equal If many men wisdom are wiser than any one must be that they acquire the excess of wisdom by the mere act of getting Whence comes it? Obviously together. MOUSQUETAIRE. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. n. In man.

in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals. Exhibit for money his poor. Attests to the gods respect for the dead. A multitude is as wise as its wisest member if it obey him. be he sinner or Distil him for physic and grind him for paint. «. An indocile horse of the west- ern plains. if not. it is said. tions as n. of Achilles lead. formerly in universal use among modern civilized namedicine. for the use of O. Mustang. tell me. n. In English society. An ancient Egyptian. and now engaged in sup- plying art with an excellent pigment. too. its mankind. is He handy. gods.: 226 from nowhere — as well say that a range of mountains is higher than the single mountains composing it. shrunken frame. Mummy. Myrmidon. saint. A follower ticularly when he didn't —par- . * We And plunder his tomb. with levity flock to the scene of the shame. it is no wiser than its most foolish. the American wife of an English nobleman. By means of the Mummy. ye For respecting my rhyme Scopes the dead what's the limit of time ? Brum.

Representing him by the letter n. One whom we are commanded . heroes. G. But the draught did not affect Juno drank a cup of rye her. /. Neighbor. N Nectar. Olympian tion is A drink served at banquets of the deities. n. Then she bade herself good-bye. the Republicans begin "Let n=the to build their equation thus: white man. The secret of its preparabut the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a lost. knowledge of its chief ingredient." This. n. appears to give an unsatisfactory solution. as dis- tinguished from the true accounts which it invents later. Juno drank a cup of nectar. deities and so forth. n. beliefs its early history. ple's n.— 227 Mythology. however. The piece de resistance in the American political problem. Negro. The body of concerning a primitive peoorigin.

The chief product and authentstench in the ear. Pertaining to a philo- sophy of the universe. to office n. Appointing your grandmother for the good of the party. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when. the ground. Nirvana. n. ence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is A Tolstoi. Newtonian. particularly to awarded to the those wise enough to understand it. a state of pleasurable annihilation wise. w. n. adj. to say who discovered that an apple will fall to why. Undomesticated music. In the Buddhist religion. but was unable Russian who denies the existNihilist. Noise. to make us disobedient. icating sign of civilization. Nobleman. invented by Newton. Nature's provision for wealthy social American maids ambitious to incur distinction and suffer high life. n. A . and who does all he knows how Nepotism.228 to love as ourselves.

calls the nose the organ of one's nose quell. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary. ors «. designate for the heaviest political assessment. Nose. A modest gentleman shrinking distinction of private life and dil- igently seeking the honorable obscurity of office. The extreme outpost of the face. To able person to incur the mudgobbing and deadcatting of the opposition. A dead Quaker. Getius. from the public n.229 Nominate. From the circumstance that great conquernoses. To put forward a suitv. Nonsense. ti. physiologists have from which some drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell. have great whose writings antedate the age of humor. man with a Nose. There's a And wherever he goes . is It has been observed that never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of another. Nominee. n. NON-COMBATANT.

Notoriety. the discovery and exposition of noumena offer a rich field for what Lewes calls "the endless variety and excitement of phil«. That which exists. NOUMENON. A de- Jacob's-ladder stage. as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist." Said the Judge: "the defendant prefixion. The kind of renown most n. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning ^which is a phenomenon. to the vaudeville with ascending and scending.230 The people run from him and shout: "No cotton have we He For our ears if so be blow that interminous snout!" So the lawyers applied For injunction. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. . — . Appears to transcend The bounds of this court's jurisdiction. "Denied. Nevertheless. the latter being a phenomenon." Arpad Singiny. accessible and acceptable leading angels to mediocrity. Whate'er it portend.

Peace to some of which have a large sale. is impossible. short story padded. The eleventh twelfth of a . The imagination art of writing novels. and imagination. is long dead everjrwhere except in Russia. for is besides the few pages last read all that mind is the mere plot to painting. probability.231 osophic thought. of what has gone before. its ashes — November. may be fitted and the first three essentials of the literary art are imagination. as the panorama. totality of carried in effect. corre- sponds to the literal actuality of the photo- graph and puts it distinctly into the category of reporting. As it is too long to be read at a sitting the impressions made by successive parts are in successively effaced. weariness. n. is To the romance the novel is what photography Its dis- tinguishing principle. such as it was. Unity. n. where it is new. whereas the free wing of the romancer enables him to mount to such altitudes of imagination as he to attain . A species composition bearing the same relation to of A literature that the panorama bears its to art." the Hurrah (therefore) for noumenon! Novel.

like Gadarene swine and other critics. Arasthus tells of a peasant who was occupied by a different devil for every day in the week. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Oblivion. Observatory. pp. made binding upon the conscience by n. «. when he had one. a solemn appeal to the Deity. They were frequently seen. but were finally . A place where ambitious authors meet their n. In law. A place where astronomers away the guesses of their prede- Obsessed. Fame's eternal dumping ground. The state or condition in works without pride and their betters without envy. Cold storage for high hopes. conjecture cessors. a penalty for perjury. and on Sundays by two.232 O Oath. which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. the Vexed by an evil spirit. A dormitory without an alarm clock. always walking in his shadow.

where by a leap higher than a church spire he escaped into a bird. word which some Said chiefly of words. A lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer. but they took the peasant with them. pursued by a hundred persons. adj. until the open country was reached. of a A devil thrown out Rheims woman by the Archbishop of streets. erary ability as anything except the chardictionary of obsolete acter of his work. a writer's attitude toward "obso' lete" words is as true a measure of his litgood.233 driven away by the village notary. to the surface. a holy man. did not. Indeed. No longer used by the timid. but if it is a good word and has no exact modern equivalent equally it is good enough for the good writer. Obsolete. A and obsolescent words speech . chaplain in Cromwell's army exorcised a soldier's obsessing devil by throwing the ran through the A soldier into the water. when the devil came The soldier. for he vanished utterly. would not only be singularly rich in strong and sweet parts of it would add large possessions to the . unfortunately.

however. Afflicting us with greater frequency. . a most intelligent animal. dustries are merce." such as an anniversary.234 vocabulary of every competent writer who might not happen to be a competent reader." These. also. Occident. in That. is is not the sense which the word used in the phrase "occasional verses. True. adj. The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. The popular type and exponent of obstinacy is the mule. a celebration or other event. but their name has no reference to they afflict us a little irregular recurrence. «. a powerful sub- whose principal inmurder and cheating. are the principal in- dustries of the Orient. Inaccessible to the truth as it is manifest in the splendor and stress of our advocacy. It is largely inhabited by Christians. Obstinate. or less adj. Occasional." which are verses written for an "occasion. which they are pleased to call "war" and "comtribe of the Hypocrites. worse than other sorts of verse.

n. Oleaginous. adj. Oily. "Fresh every day must be herself approves the my books and bread. oleaginAnd the good prelate ous. smooth. Harley Shum. Offensive. Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations. "The blackguard wouldn't come out of his works!" Old." .235 Ocean." And gives us every Goby rule moment a fresh fool. "I should say so!" replied the unsuccessful general. "Old books? Nature The devil take them!" Goby said. A body of water occupying two-thirds of a world made for man—^who about has no gills. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency. time and offensive to the popular taste. "Were the enemy's tactics offensive?" the king asked. adj. old book. as the advance of an army against its enemy. as an adj. saponaceous. Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as "unctuous. Discredited by lapse of as an old man. sleek.

n. play representing life in another world. an ape. adj. Once. All acting is simula- A tion. Zeus. no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes. His name the smirking tourist scrawls Upon Minerva's temple walls. Omen. but in opera the actor takes for his . nothing happens. Where thundered once Olympian And marks his appetite's abuse. Opera. adv.236 was ever afterward known as Soapy Sam. Averil loop. if «. For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it. once inhabited by gods. Olympian. bottles now a repository of yellowing newspapers. A sign that something will happen Enough. Relating to a mountain in Thessaly. beer and mutilated sardine cans. and the word simulation is from simia. attesting the presence of the tourist and his appetite. whose inhabitants have no speech but song.

unlocked door in the prison It leads into the jail yard. Percy P. actor apes a man — at least in shape. of Identity. How With lonely he thinks to vex badinage the Solemn Sex! Of levity. Opposition. appointed one hundred of his fattest subjects as members of a parliament to make laws for the collection of revenue. None but the Grave deserve the Unfair. Opportunity. opera performer apes an ape.Orminder.237 model Simia stentor) —the ape An audibilis (or Pithecanthropos that howls. Forty . n. who had been abroad to study the science of government. v. beware. Mere Man. The King of Ghargaroo. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment. In politics the party that pre- Government from running amuck by hamstringing it. vents the n. n. Oppose. To assist with obstructions who and ob- jections. The The Opiate.

informing the Opposition that if they did that again they would pay for their obstinacy with their heads. maintained without a party of Opposition. Leave the matter to this struct worm of the dust. the King vetoed it. Forty votes were recorded against every bill and the nation prospered. "it is true these dogs of darkness have no longer their credentials." "Splendor of the universe.238 of these he named the Party of Opposition and had his Prime Minister carefully inthem in their duty of opposing every royal measure. Nevertheless. the first one that was submitted passed unanimously. put back into the seats of power and nailed there. The entire forty promptly disemboweled themselves. But one day a bill imposing a tax on warts was defeated the members of the Government party had not been nailed This so enraged the King to their seats! that the Prime Minister was put to death. — ." replied the Prime Minister. "What shall we do now?" the King "Liberal institutions cannot be asked." his So the Minister had the bodies of Majesty's stuffed Opposition embalmed and with straw. Greatly displeased. but all is not lost.

including what is ugly. is The doctrine. that everything beautiful." "The world is all created. yielding no treatment but death. and is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. especially the bad. A pessimist applied to God for relief. everything good. and government of the people. "Ah. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity. is A proponent of the doctrine that black white. Optimism. Optimist.239 the parliament was dissolved with a battery of artillery. n. "I wish you to create something that would justify them. disproof to —an it is inaccessible to the light of intellectual disorder." said God. wrong. by the people." said God. "No. Being a is and everything right that blind faith. for the people perished from Ghargaroo. but fortunately not contagious." replied the petitioner. or belief. «. . It is hereditary. you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness.

It is then instructed in the arts of dependence to and servitude and eventually turned loose prey upon the world as a bootblack or scullery maid. When young the orphan is commonly sent to an asylum. A tyranny tempered by stenography. ude n. Orthography. An ox wearing the popular religious yoke. n. n. n. by the outmates of They have had concede a few things since the time of . Orthodox.240 "but you have overlooked something mortality of the optimist. The light science of spelling the eye instead of the ear. Orphan. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratit- — a privation appealing is with a particusympathetic in lar eloquence to all that human nature." —the Oratory. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. by Advocated with more heat than to every asylum for the insane. where by careful cultivation of locality it is its rudimentary sense of taught to know its place.

By in A particular type of disappointthe kind of intelligence that sees an exception a proof of the rule the wisof an act is judged by the outcome. This is immortal nonsense the wis- dom . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect. for. adv. as has been ingeniously pointed out. No better. n. v. : And his sepulchre shall not be whicted. «. ment." Ostrich. Outcome. t.— 241 Chaucer. To make an enemy. be judged by the light that the doer had when he performed it of an act is dom to Outdo. Otherwise. A large bird to which (for its doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe in which so many pious naturalists have seen a conspicuous evidence of design. For fudge was before the court The judge said "Enough His candle we'll snough. A spelling reformer indicted cicted. but are none the less hot in defence of those to be conceded hereafter. the ostrich does not fly. the result. sins.

Although 'twas herself that was married. as I looked at his vanishing ray. To poets all Nature is pregnant with grand don't understand Ideas —with thought and emotion.242 OUT-OF-DoORS. In ancient Rome. Stromboli Smith. And I thought of a joke (and I laughed till Of an idle young woman who tarried I cried) About a church-door for a look at the bride. perfectly splendid story. I Chiefly useful to in- climbed to the top of a mountain one day To see the sun setting in glory. Ovation. The moon rising solemnly Of the hills to the east Like a visible over the crest of my station Displayed her broad disk to the darkening west new creation. 'Twas about an old man and the ass he bestrode Till the strength of the beast was o'ertested. Then the man would carry him miles on the road Till Neddy was pretty well rested. n. . n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. heaven and ocean. And I Of a thought. a definite. I pity the dunces who The speech of earth. spire poets.

go fishing. In "ovum" It we find the true root of the word. the unfatal feast. n. "I had an ovation!" the actor man said." In modern English the word is improperly used to signify any loose and spontaneous expression of popular homage to the hero of the hour and A place. Hail. Well skilled to overeat without distress! Thy great invention. Overeat. means egg. superiority to Beast. A dangerous disorder affect- ing high public functionaries who want to . Gastronome. That people and critics by him had been I But thought It led By the ear. v. lesser "triumph. Overwork.243 formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. To dine. Shows Man's John Boop. Apostle of Excess. The Latin lexicon makes his absurd Assertion as plain as a peg. Dudley Spink. uncommonly queer.

gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat I without removing its entrails The shells are sometimes given to the poor. caused by the good fortune n. An of another. The two only present is alliance between the arts that the modern painter chisels his patrons. Painting. n. to hold) a debt.244 Owe. or may be purely mental. Formerly. «. To have (and . Pain. painting and sculpture were . The word formerly signified not indebtedness. Oyster. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. v." and in the minds of debtors there is still a good deal of confusion between assets and liabilities. combined painted in the same work: the ancients | | their statues. A slimy. . uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body. but possession it meant "own.

n. for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly . called a palace. to the The fruit of the itching palm is so bitter and unsatisfying centage of it is that a considerable per- sometimes given away in as "benefactions. The that resid- ence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church Founder field. The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's classification) of obtaining money by false pretences. n. There progress. altogether false. par- ticularly that of a great official. Palm. n.245 Palace. A is fine and costly residence." what are known Palmistry. which may be detected by applying bark a piece of gold or silver. tributed and sedulously cultivated. The pretence not character can really be read very accurately in this way. of the as of his religion was known is a or wayside. It consists in "reading character" in the wrinkles made is by closing the hand. A species of tree having several of which the familiar "itching palm" {Palma hominis) is most widely disvarieties. The metal will adhere with remarkable tenacity. This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum.

Literally. A nether habiliment of the The garment is tubuand unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance. adult civilized male.246 spell the sists word "dupe." The imposture it con- in not reading aloud. is «. in contradistinction to the doctrine is that God everything. the Place of All the Demons. lar n. The doctrine that everything God. Called "trousers" by the enlightened and "pants" by the unworthy. Pantomime. Pandemonium. n. . Pantheism. When disturbed by his voice the ancient echoes clamor appropriate responses most gratifying to his pride of distinction. and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer. A The least disagreeable form of dramatic action. n. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Pantaloons. is play in which the story told without violence to the language.

The Past is the region of sobs.247 Pardon^ v. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude. the other bright with prosperity and joy. mumbling penitential Hope prayer. beckoning to temples of success and bowers of ease. The one is dark with sor- row and disappointment. Yet the Past is the Future of yesterday. small fraction of which the one is continually effacing the other. To remit a penalty and restore to a life of crime. inflicted n. clad in sackcloth and ashes. That part of Eternity with some we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. They are one the knowledge and the dream. the Future is the realm of song. expos- ing him an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage. — . in the sunshine of the other flies with a free wing. In the one crouches Memory. Passport. are entirely unlike. A document treacherously upon as a citizen going abroad. Past. the Future is the Past of to-morrow. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future. of which n. These two grand divisions of Eternity.

what's the loud uproar assailing Mine 'Tis ears without cease? the voice of the hopeful. A device for promoting dejec- Gentle exercise for intellectual de- Patience.248 Pastime. ing. n. to the torch of Combustible rubbish ready any one ambitious to illum- inate his name. n. Patriotism. Johnson's is famous due respect first. . the Peace. all-hailing The horrors ol: peace. In international affairs. A One minor form of despair. dictionary patriotism scoundrel. In Dr. bility. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors. dis- as a virtue. Patriot. to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. defined as the last resort of a all With it is to an en- lightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that n. guised n. tion. n. a period fight- of cheating between two periods of O.

n. as excellence. an attribute of the The editor of an English magazine hav- ing received a letter pointing out the erron- and style. If only they it knew how to do. and signed "Perfection. The variable (and audible) part of the roadway for an automobile. Pedigree." promptly wrote at the eous nature of his views . they woo Would marry it. toD. On their meddlesome souls! Ro A mil. An imaginary state or quality distinguished from the actual by an element known critic. Perfection. Have mercy. Peace Universal. I pray. O Heaven. n. adj. to do it 'Twere easy They're working by night and by day On their problem. Undergoing or awaiting punishment. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban descendant with a cigarette. n.— 249 Ah. like moles. Penitent. Pedestrian.

"Persevere. Sukker Uffro. but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most con- spicuous peculiarity eral kinds of is the smell of the sevin powder used n. preparing it.— 250 foot of the letter: "I don't agree with you. persevering to bawl. who. they knew no more of the matter than he. The explosion of an oratoric- rocket. The goal and the rival forgotten alike. His spirit a-squat in the grass and the dew Of the dogless Land beyond the Stew. adj. all his muscles preserving the peace." and mailed it to Matthew Arnold. — A winner of all that is good in a race. . He sleeps. Perseverance. Walking about. while expounding it. day and night. Peripatetic. back there in Dreamland. like a saint in a holy place. al n. A lowly virtue whereby all. in needless precaution — A Peroration. Relating to the philosophy of Artistotle. renewing his lease Of life. persevere!" cry the homilists Themselves. It dazzles. And the long fatigue of the needless hike. mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. moved from place to place order to avoid his pupil's objections. "Remember the fable of tortoise and hare The one at the goal while the other is where?" Why.

feeling and sentiment. frequently prosperous. (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking n. Philosophy. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheart- ening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. One whose mind is the creature of its environment. Photograph. Phcenix. n. following the fashion in thought. n. n." Phonograph. A picture painted by the art. «. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises. A route of many roads ing from nowhere to nothing. A rich his pocket. is He sometimes learned.251 Pessimism. n. lead- The classical prototype of the modern "small hot bird. n. commonly clean and always solemn. Philanthropist. Philistine. sun without instruction in It is a little .

n. denied our art. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own. cating and exploiting the organ that one a dupe with. which is the standard of excellence. "There is no art. ." says Shakspeare. And say: "How little wisdom here we trace! He knew So. Piano. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. n. "To read the mind's construction in the face. own defence. Physician. foolish man. Physiognomy. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor." The physiognomists his portrait scan. Phrenology. n. n. but not Cheyenne." Lavatar Shunk. in his his face disclosed his mind and heart. The science of picking the It consists in lois pocket through the scalp.252 better than the work of an quite so good as that of a Apache.

too. That's why I'm done or undone So far from that dear London. A "Behold great Daubert's picture here on view Taken from Life. The in a Funeral Sermon Over a British pie Rev. Reverence for the Supreme Being. I Grant. was highly esteemed by the remains. Mucker." If that description's true. Pie. in Kalamazoo. Jali Hane. . n. — — Piety.— — 253 Pickaninny. n. Nobleman. heavenly Powers. It is small. representation in two dimensomething wearisome in three. n. An is advance agent of the reaper whose name Cold Indigestion. Cold pie is a detestable American comestible. black and charged with political fatalities. From the Headstone of a British Nobleman. sions of n. The young of the Procyanthropos. that be taken. Picture. or Americanus dominans. Dr.

Pig. distinguish sians The Pigmies are so called to — them from the bulkier Cauca^who are Hogmies. Pilgrim Father was one who. but by modern in Central Africa only. leaving Europe in 1620 because not permitted to sing psalms through his nose. n. Pillory. which. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles. it however. for Pigmy. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world. Judibras. n. pig- is inferior in scope. traveler that is taken seriously. An animal the {Porcus omnivorus) race by the sticks at closely allied to human its splendor and vivacity of appetite. n. followed it to A A Massachusetts. n. Pilgrim.254 based upon His supposed resemblance to man. A mechanical device for inflict- . where he could personate God according to the dictates of his con- science.

n. of to-day have the The plague as we happiness to know it is . To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler. just Commerce without as God made it. Plagiarize. Plagiarism. v. A failing sense of exemption. in- spired by contrast. as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. adj. never read.255 ing personal distinction —prototype its of the of modern newspaper conducted by persons austere virtues and blameless lives. Plague. n. A literary coincidence com- pounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence. Piracy. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with PlTY^ n. folly-swad- Pitiful^ oneself. «. dles.

256 merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness. t. Platitude. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A The wisdom of a million fools in the dic- tion of a dullard. The cackle surviving the egg. n. The Pope's-nose of a featherless peacock. thought that snores in words that smoke. of Socrates. n. adj. . Plan^ v. To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result. desiccated epigram. and a Plaudits. Pertaining to the philosophy Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability frost. Platonic. jelly-fish A A withering on the shore of the sea of thought. artificial rock. All that is A fossil sentiment in A moral without the fable. mortal of a departed truth. Coins with which the populace pays those who tickle and devour it. A of demi-tasse milk-and-morality.

Plebeian. «. Plunder. a saturated solution. To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary To effect a change of reticences of theft. To lay the foundation for a super- structure of imposition. «. The least hateful form of de- jection. An ancient Roman who in the his country stained nothing but his Distinguished from the Patrician. Plow. . blood of hands. Having is full power. v. Pleasure. • «. adj.257 Please^ v. a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he never exert Pleonasm. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought. who was Plebiscite. An implement that cries aloud for n. hands accustomed to the pen. n. Plenipotentiary. A Minister Plenipotentiary it. A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.

so she acts without motive.258 ownership with the candid concomitance of a brass band. «. confessing the sins of others. lexicographer An armed force for protection and participation. n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. public aflfairs . and her conscience. The most acceptable hypoc- Politics. Pocket^ is n. n. Politeness. remains ever alive. for n. form of expression peculiar the Land beyond the Magazines. denied burial. as a contest of principles. Poetry. A to Poker. To wrest the wealth of from B and leave C lamenting a vanished A opportunity. In woman this organ lacking. n. risy. A strife of interests masquerading The conduct of for private advantage. Police. A game said to be played with cards to this some purpose unknown.

n. A house of atonement. or expiatory chapel.259 Politician. Polygamy. he was known as "The Matter with Kansas. though Professors Morse and Whitney. An eel in the fundamental of mud upon which the superstructure organized society is reared. as distinguished from mono- gamy. Populist." some . period. which has but one. he suffers the disadvantage of being alive. As compared with the statesman. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. pursuing independent lines of thought. characterized by an uncommon spread of ear. found in the old red Kansas. fitted with several stools of repentance. which some naturalists contend gave him the soapstone underlying power of flight. have ingeniously pointed out that had he possessed it he would have gone else- where. In the picturesque speech of his fragments of which have come down to us. «. A fossil patriot of the early agricultural period. n.

n. its broadest Mill and its n. His light estate. n.260 Portable. A thickest Spencer. pi. if neither he did make it. some declare . Portuguese. indeed. Positive. it Nor yet its former guardian forsake it. Is portable improperty. appellant being obscure competitor. Its longest exponent is Comte. I take W orgum Slupsky. without feathers and imperfectly even when stufled with garlic. philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Posterity. Suitable for drinking. Mistaken at the top of one's Positivism. adj. adj. An appellate court which his reverses the judgment the of a popular author's contemporaries. digenous to n. Exposed to a mutable ownership through vicissitudes of possession. voice. Water is it said to be potable. A species of geese in- Portugal. They are mostly edible. Potable.

One of an experimental and . as upon the invention of substitutes for water. Pray. for which nothing has so great and diligent ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all countries. for its «. A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform. exit is a medicine. n. sophers who know nothing about Its vicall tims are distinguished by possession of the virtues and by their faith in leaders seeking to conduct them into a prosperity where they believe these to be unknown. v. plus that of the philoit.261 our natural beverage. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. — Poverty. Pre-Adamite. this general aversion to hold that that liquid has no To basis in the preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific we are as the snakes and without science and toads. The number of plans abolition equals that of the reformers who suffer from it. although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst. Upon cept the most uncivilized.

Precedent. and then his dinner. adj. Melsius believed them to have inhabited "the Void" and to have been something intermediate between fishes and birds. Predestination. In Law. a previous decision. n. Precipitate. the precedent elevates the trial-at-law from the low estate of a fortuitous ordeal to the noble attitude of a dirigible arbitrament. Judibras. thereby greatly simplifying his task of doing as he pleases. this sinner Took action first. Little is known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and theologians with a controversy. The doctrine that all . rule or practice which. he has only to ignore those that n.262 apparently unsatisfactory race that ante- dated Creation and lived under conditions not easily conceived. has whatever force and authority a Judge may choose to give it. make against his interest and accentuate Invention of those in the line of his desire. Precipitate in Anteprandial. As there are precedents for everything. all. in the absence of a definite statute.

expounding his conviction that life is no better than death. to from other doctrines by which this The difference is great enough have deluged Christendom with ink. A sentiment. This doctrine should not be confused with that which means that all things are programmed. he did . The wage of consistency. one may hope to escape perdition if spared. then. their occurrence.. n. The preparatory stage of Pre-EXISTENCE. n. tion.263 things occur according to of programme. that being only an implic- ation is entailed. n. was asked by a disciple why. tion of the With the distincin two doctrines kept well mind. Predicament. An unnoted factor in crea- Preference. to say nothing of the gore. or frame of mind. and a reverent belief in both. An ancient philosopher. n. induced by the erroneous belief that one thing is better than another. Predilection. disillusion. but does not affirm foreordination.

Presbyterian. adj. . when Clio.264 not die. n. down great events in succession and order. n. "death life. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood. A gentleman God. Born Set later. ior degree of holiness One of of Heaven's aristocracy. He surely had seen nothing droll or fortuitous lies In anything here but the that she threw at us. He lived in a period prehistoric. When all was absurd and phantasmagoric." is no better than is longer. A vagrant opinion without means of support. celestial recorder. Belonging to an early period and a museum. the n." he replied. Prehistoric. One who holds the con- viction that the governing authorities of Church should be called presbyters. Prerogative. It "Because. visible n. Orpheus Bowen. Prejudice. A church officer having a superand a fat preferment. A sovereign's right to do wrong. Prelate.

manner of the time . A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient. To The Headliner. Present. In Journalese. as. to perform upon a musical instrument. Read with a solemn face "The music was very uncommonly grand The best that was every provided. «. omit the paint. but after sunset he must wear two tails made of the wool of a sheep and dyed black. "He presided at the piccolo. In Boorioboola-Gha a man is presentable on occasions of ceremony if he have his abdomen painted a bright blue and wear a cow's tail in New York he may. ad]. For our townsman Brown presided . n. guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. Presentable. the Hideously appareled after and place." v. if it please him. holding the copy in hand. Preside. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.: — 265 Prescription.

Prevaricator. spreading the paper down On "Great playing by President Brown.— — 266 At the organ with skill and grace. Value. be President acclamation." Orpheus Bowen. n. he dashed in at the top of the screed: And. Cheer." The Headliner discontinued to read. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom and of whom only — of — it is positively known that bers of their countrymen did not immense numwant any them for President. n. plus a reasonable sum for . game of American President. an honor surely 'tis If that's a greater To have been a simple and undamned spectator. Presidency. n. unhooted gent Who might. A liar in the caterpillar Price. cheer I'm passing with a wide and open ear! Jonathan Fomry. The greased pig in the field politics. for all we know. the desk. state. «. ye varlets. in Behold me a man of mark and note ! Whom An By no elector e'er denied a vote undiscredited.

tear of conscience in demand- ing Primate. The Primate of England is the Archbishop of Canterbury. «. A The place punishments and rewards. «. the political parasite is and the moral instructor no garden of sweets. Private. poet assures us that "Stone walls do not a prison make. . The head of a church. n.— 267 the wear and it. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment Proboscis." but a combination of the stone wall. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. in his hope. who occupies Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey dead. an amiable old gentleman. He is commonly of dead. when Prison. especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. n.

n. of The Ladies' Home ter. Miller cast a reproachful look upon his tormentor. it came more and more into now held in high esteem by the Its capital defect is that requires personal attendance at the point of propulsion. Thus perished in his pride the most famous humorist of antiquity. and is most courageous. were settled — rudimentary logic of the times could supply the sword. and so forth. with such simple arguments as the disputes." and threw himself from a high pro- monotory into the sea. With the growth of prudence in military affairs the projectile favor. Proof. and answered. Evidence having a shade more of . Edward Bok. the spear. Journal. The final arbiter in interna- Formerly these disputes by physical contact of the disputants. leaving to mankind a heritage of woe ! No successor worthy of the title has appeared. the illustrious Jo. is much respected for the purity and sweetness of his personal charac- Projectile^ tional n. absently: "When it is ajar. though Mr.268 Asked how he knew that an elephant was going on a journey.

for A malefactor who it atones per- making your writing nonsense by mitting the compositor to igible. The object of man's brief rapacity and long. fies Whatever grati- the passion for possession in one and it disappoints in all others. having no particular value. Proof-reader. The testi- mony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one. indifference. that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. n. Save only that of death. usually forbidding. Blow. n.— 269 plausibility than of unlikelihood. usually forbidden. Providential. Unexpectedly and con- . An outlook. n. An expectation. adj. ye spicy breezes O'er Ceylon blow your breath. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. blow. Where every prospect pleases. Any material thing. n. make unintell- Property. Prophecy. Bishop Sheber. Prospect.

v. Prude. A bawd hiding behind the back of her demeanor. n. especially in politics. to become the fundamental element in a cone of critics.270 spicuously beneficial to the person so describing it. One of the two things mainly con- ducive to success. n. named for its inventor. Push. Publish. An ancient philosophy. A woman by whom there is the realm is when it is a king. The Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added Q Queen. whom Quill. and through not. In literary affairs. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyr- rhonism. ruled when there is n. ruled n. that. An implement of torture yielded by . other is Pull. n.

Of the unpersuaded foeman. Boomp. Quorum. When ignorance from out our lives can banish 'tis Philology. is wielded by the same everlasting Presence. Oglutn P. Quixotic. the steel pen. to Then the liver. but its modern equivalent. This use of the quill is now obsolete. An To argument well addressed it the question as submitted.271 a goose and commonly wielded by an ass. A portable sheath in which the ancient statesman and the aboriginal lawyer carried their lighter arguments. folly to know Spanish. Juan Smith. A sufficient number of members body to of a deliberative have their own . Quiver. this controversial fitted Did Roman. adj. like Don and is An insight into the beauty excellence of this incomparable adjective unhappily denied fortune to is to him who has the mis- know that the gentleman's name pronounced Ke-ho-tay. «. Quixote. He extracted from his quiver. «. Absurdly chivalric.

The words erroneously repeated. Intent on making his quotation truer. In a republic. The rabble is like the sacred . In the United States Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House in . He sought the page infallible of Brewer. would be me! Stumpo Gaker. A of sum number showing how many money belonging to one per- son is contained in the pocket of another usually about as there. those who exercise a supreme authority tempered by fraudulent elections. Ah. The act of repeating erron- eously the words of another. Quotient^ times a «.— 272 way and their own way of having it. the House of Representatives. of the Speaker and the Quotation^ n. me. n. many times as it can be got R Rabble. a solemn eternally. devil. Then made Condemned vow that he ah.

but means. «. "others lack skill to scratch the royal back. is now held in Rank. thrift of power. and has no exact equivalent in our tongue. n. 'twas That His "Because.273 Simurgh. nor can belong to the buyer. as nearly as may condition that be. . (The word is Aristocratese. "soaring swine. and popular esteem. The purchase of that which neither belongs to the seller. n." answered. An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. The most unprofitable of in- vestments. Rapacity. As a call to the unconverted the rack never had light any particular efficacy. He elevation in the scale of held at court a rank so high other noblemen asked why. The Providence without industry.") — Rack." Aramis Jukes. of Arabian fable omnipotent on it do nothing. n. Ransom. Relative human worth.

is and that riz-de-veau a la financiere not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker. Insensible to the value of our ad- "Now lay your bet with mine." "Great snakes! How can you be so rash?" Booth p. Rascal. this child makes no bet. adj. A Welsh rabbit. . n.274 Rarebit. n. To whom the is may be solemnly explained that comestible known as toad-in-a-hole really not a toad. Stupidity militant. in the speech of the humorless. Homo ventrambulans. aspect. adj. n. Rational. Our prostrate brother. nor let These gamblers take your cash. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation. Gish. A fool considered under another Rascality." "Nay. who point out that it it is not a rabbit. n. vice. experience and reflec- Rattlesnake. The activ- Rash. ity of a clouded intellect. tion.

The conservatism of to-mor- row injected into the affairs of to-day. short stories in "dialect" and humor in slang. golian to make by the Monguy of himself. as a rule. Reading. Radicalism. n. reads. We Read nothing. This is a truth. n. That and experience teach suffers that keenest of ills.J. n. of Indiana novels. An instrument used by the Caucaa sian to enhance his beauty. The radius of action of the human The area within which it is possible to gratify directly the pro- (and customary) pensity to provide. hand. The poor man An impediment in his reach. n. The general body of what one In our country it consists. . G. By what draws his laughter know his Hereafter. Afro-American to affirm his Reach. We know by one's reading His learning and breeding.: — 275 Razor. and by the worth. as old as the life hills. laugh never The Sphinx was less clever! Jupiter Muke.

though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition. Re- cent additions to the White House the in Wash- ington are Theo-Doric. n. is «. the adj. Realism. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole. The dream of a mad philosopher.276 Radium. For is held in highest favor by the optimist. A mineral that gives off heat and is stimulates the organ that a scientist a fool Railroad^ n. purpose the railroad Ramshackle. Reality. The art of depicting nature as it seen by toads. otherwise known as Normal American. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get we this are to where we are away from where no better off. or a story written by a measuring-worm. Pertaining to a certain order of architecture. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick. ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. . Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order. with. n.

To weigh probabilities in the scales of desire. Rebel. Propensitate of prejudice. n. Reconciliation. ies. i. In American military matters. n. that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress. A suspension of hostilit- An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead. n. who has failed to establish Recollect. Reasonable. Reason. n. Hospitable to persua- sion. adj. v. To recall with additions some- thing not previously known. Really. of our Accessible to the infection own opinions. Apparently.277 That which would remain of a in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. proponent of a new misrule it. The nucleus vacuum. Reason. A v. adv. dissuasion and evasion. . Rear.

278 Reconsider. The doctrine of Redemption. A particular kind of to relieve a general fatigue. against n. n. accorded to the player they are loaded. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin. is the fundamental mystery of our holy religion. In the Church of England. der of the deity against whom they sinned. A person distinguishable from a by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait. His marching. v. and . Redemption. throw of the In American politics. Recreation. through their murn. another dice. dejection whom n. Recount. Recruit. Fresh from the farm or factory or street. Were an impressive martial spectacle Except for two impediments — his feet. in pursuit or in retreat. the Curate and the Vicar being the other two. Thompson Johnson. To seek a justification for a decision already made. the Third Person of the parochial Trinity. civilian n. Rector.

is A North American Indian. I'm awkward at Redemption —a beginner: My method is to crucify the sinner. whose skin not red — at least not on the . in it shall not perish. The latter rite was performed by the public hangman. Reparation without satisfaction. Or purify it otherwise than steaming it. n. take some special measure for redeeming indeed the task to get it it. and it assured moderation in the plaintiff's choice of a switch. on proving his injury.279 whoso believeth have everlasting derstand it. Red-skin. but life in which to try to un- We And must awake Man's spirit from its sin. to beat a brazen image of the royal offender with a switch that was afterward applied to his own naked back. Though hard in Among the angels any way but teaming it. Among the Anglo-Saxons a subject con- ceiving himself wronged by the king was permitted. Redress. outside. Golgo Br one. n.

An action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that encounter. Schekem and Hebron to which oae who had taken life inadvertently could n.— 280 Redundant. one Anything assuring protection to Moses and Joshua provided six cities of refuge— Bezer. at least. Superfluous. A law for submission of proto a posed legislation popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion." Habeeb Suleiman. n. Ramoth. we shall not again Reform. Golan. Referendum. Theodore Roosevelt. Kadesh. — . Debs is a redundant citizen. adj. trop. appears excessive. in peril. Mr. with mien impressive. needless. Replied: "His head. n. n. Reflection. Refuge. de The Sultan said: "There's evidence abundant To prove this unbelieving dog redundant." To whom the Grand Vizier. A thing that mostly satisfies reformers opposed to reformation.

the Ancient Order of Modern Troglodytes. by a priest. the Golden Phalanx of Phalangers. whereby the soul of the dead man was appropriately honored by observances akin to the funeral games of early Greece. 281 flee when hunted by relatives of the de- ceased. Distinguishing insignia. Regalia. a valuable franchise to a rich corporation. the League of Holy Humbug. absolute.. The last some casuists the refusal assen- tive. to a rich and handsome suitor. as an elderly maiden's hand in marriage. and so forth. the Mystic Alliance of Gorg. «. Denial of something desired. Refusals are graded in a descending scale of finality thus: the refusal n. the Genteel Society of Expurgated Hoodlums. . Refusal. by an alderman absolution to an impenitent king. the refusal tentative is called by and the refusal feminine. the refusal conditional. jewels and costume of such ancient and honorable orders as Knights of Adam Visionaries of Delectable Bosh. him with wholesome This admirable expedient supplied exercise and enabled them to enjoy the pleasures of the chase.

of Sedentarians Associated Deities the Butter Trade. Disciples Militant of the Hidden Faith Knights-Champions of the Domestic Dog. troplated Shrine. the Mysterious . Optimists the Ancient Sodality of Inhospit. the Resolute . the Oriental Order of Sons of the West. Knights and Ladies of the Yellow Dog. the Impenitent Order of WifeBeaters. Associated Sovereigns of Mendacity. Shining Inaccessibles Fee-Faw-Fummers Jannissaries of the of the Inimitable Grip Broad-Blown Peacock. 282 eous Regalians. Polite Federation of Gents-Consequential. Cooperative Association for Breaking into the Spotlight.. the Band of Brutes. the Flashing Astonishers. Ladies of Horror. the Garden of Galoots. Dukes-Guardian of the Mystic Cess- Pool. Guardians of the Great Horn Spoon. the Holy Gregarians. Increscencies of the Magic TemAbie-Bodied of the Grand Cabal . Warriors of the Long Bow. the Sublime Legion of Flamboyant Conspicuants Worshipers at the Elec. Dukes of Eden. the Affectionate Fraternity of Men Similarly Warted. the Blatherhood of Insufferable Stuff. Kings of Drink. able Hogs. the Society for Prevention of Prevalence. Plumed ple.

w. "Pardon. you should join the Protestants. A receptacle for such sacred the lung objects as pieces of the true cross.283 Order of the Undecipherable Scroll." Reliquary. A feather from the wing of the Angel of the . Reliquaries are commonly of metal. Uniformed Rank of Lousy Cats." replied Rochebriant. Prelates of the Tub-and-Sword. of the cock that called Peter to repentance and so forth. Religion." I should be ashamed of "In that case. Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable." "Then why do you not become an atheist?" "Impossible! atheism. "What is your religion my son?" inquired the Archbishop of Rheims. monsieur. A explaining to daughter of Hope and Fear. the ears of Balaam's ass. Sons of the South Star. and provided with a lock to prevent the contents from coming out and performing miracles at unseasonable times. Monarchs of Worth and Hunger. "I am ashamed of it. short-ribs of saints. n. monseigneur.

genius. . Candleton. Sometimes it is conferred by an unfriendly and inconsiderate hand. And then With a Not all Ithuriel touched me 'tis. Reprimanded by its stern custodian. A notoriety and — I touched the harp in every key. I felt the faint appulse of his.284 Annunciation once escaped during a sermon in Saint Peter's and so tickled the noses of the congregation that they woke and sneezed with great vehemence three times each. thrown into the Stour and replaced by another head of Saint Dennis. n. J. it explained that it was seeking a body This unseemly levity so enraged the diocesan that the offender was publicly anathematized. Renown^ degree of distinction between fame a little more supportable than the one and a little more intolerable than the other. of doctrine. great as my Could urge me out of night. But found no heeding ear. revealing spear. It is related in the "Gesta Sanctorum" that a sacristan in the Canterbury cathedral surprised the head of Saint Dennis in the library. And leapt into the light! fF. brought from Rome.

Prudent insult in retort. Desirous to avoid the pains of Hell. n. but a strong disposition to offend. of the In a war of words. it It so called to distinguish from a "copy. It usually maniis degree of reformation that inconsistent with continuity of sin. tactics Repentance. fest in a n. Jamater Abemy. Repartee. The faithful attendant is and not follower of Punishment. n. When the two are made with equal skill the replica is the more valuable. . the North American Indian. is by the artist that made the original. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence. You How needless!—Nick will will repent and join the Church. A reproduction of a work of art. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it. Parnell? keep you off the coals And add you to the woes of other souls." which is made by another artist.285 Reparation. Replica. n. for it is supposed to be more beautiful than it looks.

Reprobation. n. To cease from troubling. n. O thou are sealed' and will not disavow!" So sang the blithe reporter-man as grew Beneath his hand the leg-long "interview. A nation in which. i. others are predestined to salvation. In a republic . The doctrine of reprobation was taught by Cal- vin. "More Whose n. A writer who it guesses his way to the truth and dispels with a tempest of dear than 'lips all my bosom knows. politics. the state of a «. luckless In theology. Republic. v. mortal prenatally damned." Barson Repose. Maith. whose joy in it was somewhat marred by the sad sincerity of his conviction that although some are foredoomed to perdition. and without discernible hope of promotion in the next. Representative. In national a member of the Lower House in this world. words. there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience.286 Reporter. the thing governing and the thing governed being the same.

they sing a dirge. Resign. There are as lessening habit of submission inherited many tions kinds of republics as there are grada- came and between the despotism whence they the anarchy whither they lead. To renounce an honor for an To renounce an advantage for Wood kind a greater advantage. t. rank and every Of military station Each honorable station. n. Resident. Unable to leave. v. By The his example fired — inclined To To noble emulation. by way of providing a varied entertainment. 'Twas rumored Leonard had signed A true renunciation Of title. . submitted because they had to.— — 287 the foundation of public order ancestors is the ever from who. being truly governed. minor poets A mass for the dead which the assure us the winds sing o'er the graves of their favorites. advantage. country humbly was resigned Leonard's resignation resignation. ad]. Sometimes. His Christian Politian Greame. Requiem.

whereby to filter the visible universe in passage to the lungs.— 288 Resolute^ approve." "Unhappy O'er fire soul! for that alone you squirm unquenched. Respite. "Remember how on earth I pardoned all Your friends in Illinois when held in thrall. Obstinate in a course that we Respectability^ n. An apparatus fitted over the its andmouth of an inhabitant of London. pray grant roast. to «. Some respite from the me some relief however brief. . Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation. a never-dying worm. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account Respirator^ nose n. to enable the Executive determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Altgeld upon his incandescent bed Lay. adj. an attendant demon at his head. "O cruel cook.

Like a simple American citizen beduking himself in his lodge. To make answer. for I pity your uneasy state. "Chronicles of the Classes. v. I'll Your doom mollify and pains abate. for a season.— 289 "Yet. let my respite be As. i. as any of the pack You thrust from jail consumed in getting back. shall your comfort mar. "As long. or affirming his consequence in the Scheme of Things as an elemental unit of a parade. While they were turning him on Joel Spate Woop." A genial chill affected Altgeld's hide t'other side. Resplendent." Not even the memory of who you Throughout eternal space dread silence fell. Heaven trembled as Compassion entered Hell. sweet demon. The Knights of Dominion were so resplendent in their velvet-and-gold that their masters would hardly have known them. I'd respite thee. "Naught. or disclose calls otherwise a consciousness of having inspired an interest in what Herbert Spencer . adj." "As long. poor soul. governing down here. are." Respond.

bequest. And hollers: "Peanuts! — here you are!" "The Sturdy Beggar!" Restitution. incidentlike a toad" at the ear of Eve. Fate. of universities The founding or endowing and public libraries by gift or Restitutor. Is downed by his unlucky star. ally. Responsibility. «. n. play some rosy little game With battle-chaps on fields of fame. to the gratification of the plaintiff. Alas. things ain't If what we should apple be. To respond in damages is to contribute to the maintenance of the plaintiff's attorney and. n. A detachable easily shifted to the shoulders of burden God. philanthropist.290 "external coexistences. . Fortune. to Luck or it one's neighbor. see Eve had set let that And many a feller which had ought To Or with monarchses of thought." as Satan "squat responded to the touch of the angel's spear. days of astrology it was customary In the unload upon a star. Benefactor.

the reverend poet appears to hint his sense of the imprudence of turning about to face Retribution when it is taking exercise What. n. You know That empires are ungrateful. what assurance have vou*twould be so? 'Tis not so long since you were in a riot. ting them.: 291 Retaliation. n." and to that pronunciation our countrymen have pledged their lives. unjust as A rain of fire-and-brimstone upon the just that falls alike and such of the have not procured shelter by eviclines following. ! And your dear subjects showed a will to fly at Your throat and shake you like a rat. their misfortunes and their sacred dishonor. but get up and have their blue noses counted. The natural rock upon the Temple of Law. In the addressed to an Emperor in exile by Father Gassalasca Jape. which is reared n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more. Retribution. . In the American army it is ingeniously called "rev-e-lee. what Dom Pedro. are you certain Republics are less handy to get hurt in? Reveille. you desire to go Back to Brazil to end your days in quiet? Why.

an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. considerable effusion of blood. Revolutions are usually accompanied by a rule of an Administration for that of a istry. and so read out of it The qualities that you have first read into it. n. it) Revolution. n. but are ac- counted worth it — this appraisement being made by beneficiaries the mischance to whose blood had not be shed. v.292 Revelation. Review. Reverence. the substitution of the Minwhereby the welfare and happiness of the people were advanced a full half-inch. when he pulls the string . To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it. The revealing is done by the commentators.At work upon a book. Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to -. who know nothing. The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man. t. A famous book in which St. Specifically. The French revolution is of incalculable value to the Socialist of to-day. n. In politics. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. in American history.

Rhadomancer. «. One who uses a divining- rod in prospecting for precious metals in the pocket of a fool. and is even said to have been used in a fable by Georgius Coadjutor. n. Ribaldry. . classical refinement. regarded as the founder of the Fastidiotic — School. one of the most fastidious writers of the fifteenth century commonly. Censorious language by oneThe word is of self concerning another.293 actuating its bones its gestures are inex- pressibly terrifying to gory tyrants suspected of fomenting law and order. Censorious language by another concerning oneself. used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate the imagination and narcotize the comscience. n. RiBROASTER. n. and is brewed in a midnight fog by a fat witch of the Dismal Swamp. It is A said to be rich in both obtundite and lethargine. indeed. mystic beverage secretly RiCE-WATER.

Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who quoted truth as utters them. It may it be the for graphic. «. of many in the hands of one. the unthrifty. in the That is the view that prevails underworld. and virtue. the envious and the luckless. adj. where the Brotherhood of Man finds its most logical development and candid advocacy. many a solemn fallacy has undergone cent- . The reward The savings Debs. "This is my be- loved son. J. Morgan. n. mimetic or merely rident. Ridicule. the word means good and wise. P. in Rockefeller. A gift from Heaven signifying. Shaftes- bury test is of — having pronounced ridiculous a assertion. the incompetent. Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property of the indolent.— 294 — — Rich. whom of toil I am well pleased. Eugene To these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels that he can add nothing of value." John D. To denizens of the midworld Riches.

could maintain an hour session on the throne. God wills it so. has been more valorously derided than the doctrine of Infant Respectability? Right. What. the right to do one's neighbor. measles. the right to have n. and the like. Legitimate authority to be. to do or to have as the right to be a king. . God His uninvited unwilling. then God. I say (intending no offence) Is guilty of contributory negligence. or air His pride securely in the Presidential chair. the well known Abednego Bink. Whate'er occurs. . The first of these rights was once universally believed to be derived directly from the will of God. following: By what Whose right. and this is still sometimes affirmed in part- ibus infidelium outside the enlightened lines of Sir realms of Democracy. do royal rulers rule? the sanction of their state and pow'r ? He surely were as stubborn as a mule Who. for example. Good land! It were a wondrous thing if His design A fool could baffle or a rogue withstand If so. as. is then.! 295 uries of ridicule with no abatement of its popular acceptance. Whatever is is so by Right Divine.

as n. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries. I do myself refrain. in all those injurious enterprises from which. Usually (and wickedly) spelled "rhyme. example of this faulty exposition is found in the only extant sermon of the pious Bishop Rowley. mostly bad. my duty to estop as to forestall mine if own Wherefore I would be righteous if I am bound to restrain my neighbor. nor yet in performance of religious It is and obedience to the letter of the law. a characteristic passage from which is here given "Now state of righteousness consisteth not merely in a holy rites mind. same end compulsion is a proper means. The verses themselves. mostly dull. n. but it appears An to have been imperfectly expounded. so still may evil be wrought upon another. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. the which as manifestly tort." . by force needful. distinguished from prose. enough that one be pious and that others also are in the just: not it one must see to state. through a better disposition and by the help of Heaven.: 296 Righteousness. ill and to this Forasmuch as by his injus- my tice it is injustice may work to another. Agreeing sounds in the terminals of verse." Rime.

A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders. Then the domestic dog.297 Rimer. to east and west. with oil it. A fixed religious or semi-religious cere- mony by law. RlOT^ n. attesting Rite. in pace. Mowbray Myles. n. the letters originally meant nothing more than reductus in pulvis. Expounds the passions burning in his breast. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom. precept or custom. Drigge. A careless abbreviation of requtescat an indolent goodwill to the dead. however. n. A The rimer quenches his unheeded fires. . keeping off the grass. The sound surceases and the sense expires. P. According to the learned Dr. o'er that enchanted land The rising moon Pauses to hear and yearns to understand. I. essential of sincerity carefully squeezed out of Ritualism. the n. poet regarded with indifference or disesteem. R.

" he said. Borey the Bald. lead to Rome. immune to bit and rein." tinue. thank the good Lord. The surroundings were suggestive. turn When Voltaire's came he said: "Once there was a Farmer-General of the Revenues. howsoe'er they diverge. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling companions lodged at a wayside inn. A candid man of affairs. as a domestic horse to the hitching-post. lawless. is In the novel the writer's thought tethered to probability. but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination free. "is the story. at least one leads back home. Your novelist is a poor creature. as Carlyle might . he was encouraged to con"That. Romance. Robber." Saying nothing more.— 298 Road. to the Fiction that owes no allegiance of God Things as They Are. n. and after supper they agreed to tell robber stories in turn. A strip of land along which one may to from where it is too tiresome where it is futile to go. n. pass n. be to All roads. Whence.

Rostrum. n. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long. the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. He may invent his characters and plot. There are great novels. In Latin. Why he imposes this hard condition on himself. albeit his entire narrative is candidly a lie. and this is rapidly giving place to an apparatus known as the preachment. n. but he must not imagine anything taking place that might not occur." Rope. It has been largely superseded by a more complex electrical device worn upon another part of the person.299 say —a mere reporter. but it remains true that far and away the most fascinating fiction that we have is "The Thousand and One Nights. In America. and "drags at each remove a lengthening chain" of his own forging he can explain in ten thick volumes without illuminating by so much as a candle's ray the black profound of his own ignorance of the matter. for great writers have "laid waste their powers" to write them. a place from which a candidate for office energetic- . An obsolescent appliance for remind- ing assassins that they too are mortal.

Rubbish. of wore There were other points difference between them. n. wearing his hair enemy. called short.300 ally expounds the wisdom. The Cavaliers were royalists because the king. «. This the Roundheads. who were mostly barbers and soap-boilers. deemed an injury to trade. such as the religions. philosophies. an indolent fellow. A member of the Parliamentwar arian party in the English civil — so from his habit of whereas his his long. the Cavalier. Worthless matter. virtue and power of the rabble. found venient to let his more conhair grow than to wash his it neck. Descendants of the belligerents now strife wear their hair all alike. . Roundhead. but the fashion in hair was the fundamental cause of quarrel. but the fires of animosity enkindled in that ancient smoulder to this day beneath the snows of British civility. arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. literatures. and the royal neck was therefore the object of their particular indignation.

O serviceable Rumor. n. Rum. And nurse my valor for another foe. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.301 Ruin. By guard unparried as by flight unstayed. long. So shall I slay the wretch without a blow. n. duce madness in Rumor. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. let me wield Against my enemy no other blade. His be the terror of a foe unseen. Generically. Tartar Emetic. Sharp. To destroy. fiery liquors that prototal abstainers. Specifically. slender. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made ttie world . to destroy a maid's belief in the virtue of maids. n. Spare me to celebrate his overthrow. v. His the inutile hand upon the hilt. Russian. And mine the deadly tongue. irresistible by mail or shield. Joel Buxter. A Sabbath^ n. keen. Hinting a rumor of some ancient guilt.

One who is holds the belief clergyman a priest. but the Early Fathers of the Church held other views. as manifest in the following deep- water version of the Fourth ment: Command- Six days shalt thou labor and do all thou art able.302 and was arrested on the seventh. And on the seventh holystone the deck and scrape the cable. that a n. So great is the sanctity of the day that even where the Lord holds a doubtful and precarious juris- diction over those who go down it is to (and down into) is the sea reverently recog- nized. Denial of this . Decks are no longer holystoned. Among the Jews observance of the day was enforced by a Commandment of which this in six days is the Christian version: "Remember the it seventh day to make thy neighbor keep wholly. but the cable still supplies the captain with opportunity to attest a pious respect for the divine ordinance." To the Creator it seemed fit and expedient that the Sabbath should be the last day of the week. Sacerdotalist.

303 momentous doctrine lenge that tionarians. the Crocodile. but the Protestant churches. Dedicated to some religious purpose. the Cow in India. inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions. The The etc. and these of inferior sanctity. the Mufti of Moosh. bit All things are either sacred or profane. the temple of Apes in Ceylon. the hair of the dog that Noah. . having a divine character. former to ecclesiasts bring gain latter to the devil appertain. A solemn religious ceremony to which several degrees of authority and significance are attached. feel that they can aflford only two. the Moogum of M'bwango. asj the Dalai Lama of Thibet. be- ing less prosperous.. the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt. Some of the smaller sects have no sacra- ments at all —for which mean economy they will indubitably be damned. Sacred. Dumbo Omohundro. is is the hardiest chal- now flung into the teeth of the Episcolopian church by the Neo-Dic- Sacrament^ n. adj. Rome has seven sacraments.

in the open spaces True off to the tradi- tions of his species. All the place where he had And I says. a notorious demagogue of San Francisco. Safety-Clutch.304 Sandlotter. A mechanical device act- ing automatically to prevent the fall of an elevator.well. in case of an accident to the hoisting apparatus. Once I seen a human ruin In a elevator. n. living prosperously and dying impenitently rich. But before his treason he imposed upon California a diction of solecisms. whose audiences gathered (sandlots) of the town. n. A vertebrate mammal hold- ing the political views of Denis Kearney. this leader of the proletariat was finally bought by his law- and-order silent enemies. or cage. but indubitably suggestive. And his members was bestrewin' fell. a constitution that was a confection of sin in The similarity be- tween the words "sandlotter" and "sansculotte" is problematically significant. apostrophisin' That uncommon woful wreck: "Your position's so surprisin' That I tremble for your neck !" .

Which I wasn't first intentioned To specifical relate. And the feller didn't I opine it isn't moral For a writer-man to cheat. For the well is metaphoric fall. None is worser to be dreaded That I ever have heard tell Than the gent's who there was In that elevator-well. And despise to wear a laurel As was gotten by deceit. I And "Well. respective. alibi. Where they each. he begs I will focus my attention On his various arms and legs How they all are contumacious. up and spoke: wouldn't tremble badly. spreaded Now this tale is allegoric It is figurative all. smilin' sadly impressive." For it's Then. lie. been a fortnight broke.— — 305 Then that ruin. T'other one an These particulars is mentioned For to show his dismal state. for further comprehension Of his attitude. How one trotter proves ungracious. .

Or at leastwise not as such. though a fool. mind. said. Moral of this woful oil poem: Porfer Poog. the rope Then it broke above him to love And Where For he painful come to earth there's nobody him his detrimented worth. dead sinner revised and edited. Bryan had the talent And (For the busted man is him) it shot him up right gallant Till his head begun to swim. Col.306 For 'tis Politics intended By the elevator. The Duchess of Orleans relates that the n. who in his Marshal Vilyouth had known St. . It will boost a person splendid If his talent is the kind. and used to cheat In other respects he was a perfect gentleman. leroi. Saint." at cards. Frequent your safety-clutch. He was fond saying indelicate things. Though he's livin' none would know him. Francis de Sales. on hearing saint: "I him called am delighted to hear that is Monof sieur de Sales a saint. A irreverent old calumniator.

«. n. still which we have an account having been seen in Carcassonne by the Abbe Belloc. Originally a reptile inhabit- mortal. ing are fire. n. repented in sashcloth and axes. letters and reaping an If they have the mis- fortune to live long enough they are tor- mented with a desire to burn their sheaves. Salamanders believed to be extinct. especially in those written girls. but now an anthropomorphous ima pyrophile. n. . Salamander. The sarcophagus known to modern obsequiograph' ers art. had the peculiar property of devouring the body placed in it. One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes. who exorcised it with a bucket of holy water.307 Salacity. certain literary quality frequently observed in popular novels. Sarcophagus. A who give it another it by women and young name and think they are occupying a that in introducing neglected field of overlooked harvest. the last one of later. is commonly a product of the carpenter's Satan. Among the Greeks a coffin which being made of a certain kind of carnivorous stone.

created. I understand. what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make them himself. "There one favor that it. charged from the dawn of eternity with hatred of his soul you ask for the — laws?" "Pardon. tain for the soul of it is wit. Half- Being instated as way in in his descent he paused." ! "What. wretch you his appointed adversary. Satiety^ The feeling that one has for the its plate after he has eaten contents. madam.308 an archangel." said he. An position in author's obsolete kind of literary comwhich the vices and follies of the enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness." right to his It make was n. Satan made himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from Heaven. n. wherein we are dolefully deficient." I should like to ask. ire In this country satnever had more than a sickly and uncerexistence. Satire. bent his head at last thought a is moment and went back. the . "Name "Man. is about to be He will need laws. so ordered.

xvii. it is not generally known that these are reprehensible qualities. Thy Had spirit it and damned as well (usefully employed) in Hell.— 309 for it. but underwent many transformations and improvements. 7. Not the satyr infrequently he a later confounded with the faun. although Americans are "endowed by their Creator" with abundant vice and humor that we mistake tolerant being folly. One of the few characters of the Grecian mythology accorded recognition in Hebrew. Satyr^ n. wherefore the popularly regarded as a sourspirited knave. and sympathetic.) The was at first a member of the dissolute community acknowledging a loose allegiance to Dionysius. and his every victim's outcry for codefendants evokes a national satirist is assent. like all humor. Hail Satire ! be thy praises ever sung In the dead language of a mummy's tongue. (Leviticus. been such as consecrates the Bible hadst not perished by the law of Thou Barney Stims. and decenter creation of the Romans. libel. For thou thyself art dead. Moreover. is .

A trite because makes its way into a wooden head. bad workman quarrels with the that. a penny to squander. Better late than before anybody has invited you. ation «. Saw^ popular saying. man who calls A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring. So called (Figurative and colloquial. less like a man and more like a Sauce..) n. or proverb. Half a loaf better than a whole one if there b much else* . For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices. a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine. The one infallible sign of civiliz- and enlightenment. Following are examples of old saws fitted it with new teeth. Example is better than following is it. 310 who was goat. A A A him penny saved is man is known by the company that he organizes.

the American beetle is but the American priest. Strike while your employer has a big contract. priest an inferior beetle. What is worth doing somebody to do it. allied to our familiar "tumble-bug. habit of incubating its eggs in a ball of ordure may have commended it to the favor of the priesthood. Least said is is worth the trouble of asking soonest disavowed. The sacred beetle of the an- cient Egyptians. Where there's a will there's a won't. SCARAB^US. He laughs best who laughs least. and may some day assure it an True.311 Think twice before you speak to a friend in need. Of two evils choose to be the least." It was supposed to symbolize immortality. n. the fact that God knew why Its giving also it its peculiar sanctity. equal reverence among ourselves. Speak of the Devil and he will hear about it. is an inferior .

He'd traveled in a foreign land. In state. moon-eyed and wan. O They Fate! buried him where he lay. over the grave and then move on. Scarification. The rite was performed. sometimes with a hot iron.— 312 SCARABEE. to see. with other crude . He had called it so through an afternoon. But he called Scarabee. He fell by his own hand Beneath the great oak to tree. He And two Gloom sleeps awaiting the Day. tised A form of penance pracn. n. acceptably if the penitent spared himself no pain nor harmless disfigurement. Dead for a Scarabee! Fernando Topple. the light of his harem if so might be. but always. O the the body was fair All frosted there in the shine o' moon Dead for a Scarabee And a recollection that came too late. Scarification. sometimes with a knife. says Arsenius Asceticus. The same as scarabagus. smiled and said naught. Possible Puns. He The tried make her understand it dance that's called the Saraband. by the mediaeval pious. And Had she.

two grave objections taint of justice. The account is translated from the Japanese of Shusi Itama. a high officer of the Soon after the hour appointed for performhis Majesty's surprise to see ance of the rite what was . as the incident here related will serve to show. the great Gichi-Kuktai was Mikado he con- to decapitation Jijiji Ri. A curved sword of exceeding keenness. It and symbol of a was originsovereign mace with which his jester the admonished terial and vetoed minis- measures by breaking the bones of their proponents.313 penances. to as a penitential method: the good that it does and the Scepter. When demned Court. SciMETAR. has faction. a famous writer of the thir- teenth century. now been superseded by beneThe founding of a library or endowa university is ment of than is is said to yield to the penitent a sharper and more lasting pain conferred by the knife or iron. and therefore a surer means of grace. ally n. the sign his authority. however. in the conduct of which certain Orientals attain a surprising proficiency. n. There it are. A king's staff of office.

" "Let him be brought before me. pelted by the populace. ostentatiously whirled in air." replied the . strode away. unworthy body it in the market-place. Majesty's sunny and vitalizing wishes have been pestilWith joy I ran and placed my ently disregarded. "To the gallant Ninety-eight seventh — I know the man. His Hundred and Thirtyname is Sakko- Samshi." answered the condemned minister.! 314 calmly approaching the throne the man who should have been at that time ten minutes dead "Seventeen hundred impossible dragons!" shouted the enraged monarch. tapping I me lightly upon the neck. and a half-hour later the culprit stood "Thou bastard son of a three-legged without thumbs!" roared the sovereign thou but lightly tap the neck that thy pleasure to sever?" it hunchback —"why didst should have been "Lord of Cranes and Cherry Blooms. The executioner appeared with his bare scimetar." said the Mikado to an attendant. his am come to pray for justice was upon own dishonorable and treasonous head. "all that you say is so true that But your heavenly the truth is a lie in comparison." "To what boweled regiment of executioners does the black- caitiff belong?" asked the Mikado. "Did I not sentence you to stand in the market-place and have your head struck off is it by the public executioner at three o'clock? not now 3:10?" And "Son of a thousand illustrious deities. in the Presence. and then. with whom I ever a favorite.

without incident. he grasped his top-knot. n. that scrap-book where you boast You Of every keep a record true kind of peppered roast That's made of you. All eyes were now turned on the executioner. A book that is commonly edited by a fool." So saying. as white as the snows on the summit of legs trembled His and his breath came gasps of terror. unmoved. expecting to see the severed head flung violently from him. "command him to blow Jijiji his nose with his fingers. "Several kinds of spike-tailed brass lions!" he cried. "I am a ruined and disgraced swordsman! I struck the villain feebly because in flourishing the scimetar I had accidentally passed it through my own neck! Father of the Moon. lifted off his head. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themOne of selves or employ others to collect. I resign my office.315 executioner. who in had grown Fujiama. trumpeted like Ri laid hold of his nose all and an elephant. and advancing to the throne laid Mikado's feet." Being commanded. addressed in the lines folthese egotists was lowing. it humbly at the SCRAP-BoOK. Nothing oc- curred: the performance prospered peacefully to the close. by Agamemnon Melancthon Peters: Dear Frank. .

Nor art. is a survival of an ancient custom of inscribing important papers with cabalistic . sometimes into the paper itself. Sometimes it is stamped upon wax. Sealing. A mark impressed upon certain kinds of documents to attest their authentic- and authority. as distinguished from the all false and profane writings on which are based. a fist. The sacred books of our holy religion. Scriptures. Wit I have not. and attached to the paper. but there I'll list The daily drubbings you'd have got Pray lend Had God Scribbler. n. ity w. in this sense. Thinking the laughter of the scribes Attests your fame. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.— 316 — Wherein you paste the printed gibes That revel round your name. other faiths Seal. «. Where all the pictures you arrange That comic pencils trace Your funny figure and your Semitic face strange it me.

mean locum the place of the seal. mostly of a sacerdotal character. or to that of the wax with which letters were formerly closed from public scrutiny. without wax. natures of sigillis. it is pleasing to note an example of ancient nonsense evolving in the process of ages into something really useful. and in many instances these are attached in the same way that seals are appended now. commonly appended to siglegal documents. S. but the learned are not in agreement as to whether this refers to the absence of the cabalistic signs. rite or observance of modern times had origin in some remote utility. In the British museum are pre- served antic many ancient papers. frequently initial letters of words to conjure with. validated by necrom- pentagrams and other devices. As nearly every reasonless and apparently meaningless custom.. although the seal is no longer used —an admirable ex- ample of conservatism distinguishing Man . Our word "sincere" is derived from sine cero. Either view of the matter will serve one in The immediate need of an hypothesis. initials L.817 words or signs to give them a magical efficacy independent of the authority that they represent.

An erroneous appraisement. Selfish. kind of net for effecting an involn. adj. precious! But ere he could throw it across his back They'd all escaped through the meshes. Self-esteem. adj. For fish it is made strong and coarse. . Baruch de Loppis.— 318 from the beasts that perish. The devil casting a seine of lace. Self-evident. untary change of environment. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others. All souls of women were in that sack A draft miraculous. but women are A more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with small. n. cut stones. (With precious stones 'twas weighted) Drew it into the landing place And its contents calculated. The words locum sigillis are humbly suggested as a suitable motto for the Pribyloff Islands shall take their place as a whenever they sovereign State of the American Union. Seine. to Evident to one's self and nobody else.

not jointly but alternately. and one Monday morning when Bowman read the paper to prepare himself for his task. creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine. deepest part of the Atlantic. Frequently appended to each instalment is a "synopsis of preceding chapters" for those who have not read them. Bowman was writing weekly paper in collaboragenius whose name has not come down ment and to us. n. world without end. work. A literary A The tion late a serial tale for a with a James F. but a direr need is a synopsis of succeeding chapters for those who do not intend to read them. he found his work cut out for him in a way to His collaborator surprise and pain him. n. his friend for the next. Unfortunately they quarreled. They wrote. synopsis of the entire work would be still better. they hoped. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors. . usually a story that is not true. Bowman supplying the instal- for one week.319 Senate. embarked every character of the narhad rative on a ship and sunk them all in the so on. Serial.

In America the chief executive officer of a county. and are believed to now could not sell to the Whites for waxen beads and potato whiskey. little Persuaded elsewhere every while! unquenched and his undying worm last. with alluring wile. His small belongings Whom His fire Dispossession.— . lands in sev- joint ownership. Separateness. respectively. . i. By Are "land in severalty" (charming term!) cooled and killed. n. lands held individually. not in Certain tribes of Indians be sufficiently civilized to have in severalty the lands that they have hitherto held as tribal organizations. Lo! the poor Indian whose unsuited mind Saw death before. eralty. States. as. 320 Severalty. n. e. whose most characteristic in some of the Western and Southern are the catching and hanging of rogues. duties. at And he to his new holding anchored fast! Sheriff.. hell and the grave behind Whom thrifty settlers ne'er besought to stay their appointed prey. John Elmer Pettibone Cajee (I write of him with little glee) Was just as bad as he could be.

it So strong the aversion that stirred. Or sometimes." (That is the way that they preferred To utter the abhorrent word. "that he So scornful of the law should be anar c.) . he Would hale him to the nearest tree And leave him swinging wide and free. he had fault: it This added made him mad bad. "How An sad. While it was turning nice and brown. s. if the humor came." his neighbors said. Despite the town's entreaties. All unconcerned John met the frown Of that austere and righteous town. i." A sinner through and through. A luckless wight's reluctant frame Was given to the cheerful flame. h. To know another man was In such a case he thought it right To rise at And any hour of night quench that wicked person's light.— 321 'Twas frequently remarked: "I swon! The sun has never looked upon as So bad a man Neighbor John. t.

They named him Sheriff." they said. dissembled purpose and disappointing performance. nor cause our hearts to ache By sins of rope and torch and stake." So. Milton Sloluck. by these sacred relics" Each man had out a souvenir Got at a lynching yesteryear "By —here these we swear he shall forsake His ways. "That Badman John must cease this thing Of having his unlawful fling. said.— 322 "Resolved. n. Slang. The grunt of the human hog [Pignoramus intolerabilis) with an audible . Figuratively. any lady of splendid promise. Siren. "We'll tie his red right hand until He'll have small freedom to fulfil The mandates of his lawless will. One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt to dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave. The J. n. affair Was opened. continuing. "Now. it is with prayer. in convention then and there.

a remain. but in the following verses on a noted female reformer who opposed bicycle-riding by women because it "led them to the devil" it is seen at its best: without a sound high revel. as a Smithareen. She blocks the path that leads to wrath. a fragment. Jack Satan's power defying. A means wit (under Providence) of setting up without a capital of sense. . With lifted hands Miss Charlotte Good-Lording and O-mying. Her rheumatism forgotten quite. The wheels go round The maidens hold True spinsters spin In sinful mood. stands. adown the way From duty to the devil! They laugh. they sing. The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear. insanely gay. a decomponent is part.. and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. w. The word used variously. Her fat with anger frying. and Their bells — ting-a-Hng! go all the morning Their lanterns bright bestar the night Pedestrians a-warning. — 323 memory.

Then swears they're pushed to madness who resort To Not falsehood of so desperate a sort. art and. later Sophists. n. however. so. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. but lost themselves in a maze of quibbles and a fog of words. The controversial method of an opponent. Augustine Nicholas relates that a poor peasant . Sophistry. His bad opponent's "facts" he sweeps away. Sorcery. a Gremethod is that of the cian sect of philosophers who began by teaching wisdom. What's this that's found upon the ground? Poor Charlotte Smith's a smithareen John William Yope. It was. whatever men ought to know. science. in brief. prudence. Polydore Smith. And drags his sophistry to light of day. He most lightly who the least is pressed. n.! 324 The wheels go round without a sound The lights burn red and blue and green. deemed less respectable and sometimes was punished by torture and death. like sods lies upon a dead man's breast. distinguished from one's own by This superior insincerity and fooling.

who had threatened to decapitate the broadbrowed philosopher. The souls that had least con- templated divine truth animated the bodies of usurpers and despots." saith the renowned author of Diversiones Sanctorum. there hath been brave disputation. A spiritual entity concerning which Plato held that those souls which in a previous state of existence (antedating Athens) had obtained the clearest glimpses of eternal truth entered into the bodies of persons who became philosophers. Plato was himself a philosopher. but naively asked his tormentors if it were not possible to be a sorcerer without knowing it. Mine own belief is that the soul hath her seat in the . was a usurper and despot. was not the first to construct a system of philosophy that could be quoted against his enemies. doubtless. certainly he was not the last. n. "there hath been hardly more argu- ment than that of its place in the body. who had Soul. Plato. Dionysius I. "Concerning the nature of the soul.325 been accused of sorcery was put to the torture to compel a confession. After enduring a few gentle agonies the suffering simpleton admitted his guilt.

He is 'make a god of his belly' ^why. then. He had observed that its visi- ble and material substance failed and de- cayed with the rest of the body after death. terrapin. should he not be pious. be rewarded or punished in another world. — in which faith we may is dis- cern and interpret a truth hitherto unintel- namely that the glutton of all men most devout.326 abdomen ligible. anchovies. the soul and the stomach are one Divine said in the Scripture to — Entity. but of its immaterial essence he knew nothing. whilst that which firmly though civilly insisted on of the general ortolans. and such was the belief of sius. and it survives the wreck and reek of mortality. according to what it hath demanded The Appetite whose coarse in the flesh. to clamoring was for the unwholesome viands market and the public refectory shall be cast into eternal famine. This is what we call the Appetite. Promait who nevertheless erred in denying immortality. path de foie gras and bles shall flesh all such Christian comesti- its spiritual tooth in the souls . caviare. having ever his Deity with him to freshen his faith? Who so well as he can know the might and majesty that he shrines? Truly and soberly.

especially the doings of spooks. of . n. commonly untrue. One evening Mr. Such is my religious faith. and wreak its upon the immortal parts of the rarest and richest wines ever quaffed here below. the Howells ghost adds something of the mystery enveloping a farmer from another township. Rudolph Block. A narrative. who introduces well-credentialed reader to as respectable and mannerly a company of spooks as one could wish to meet. Story. The truth of the stories here following has. not been successfully impeached. however. A writer whose imagination conOne of the is cerns itself with supernatural phenomena. To the terror that invests the chairman of a district school board. n. Howells.327 them forever and ever." Spooker. most illustrious spookers of our time Mr. a William D. though I grieve to confess that neither His Holiness the Pope nor His Grace the Archbishop of of divine thirst Canterbury (whom I equally and profoundly revere) will assent to its dissemination.

328 New York. W. found himself seated at dinner alongside Mr. The Biography of a Dead Cow. and it is putting it mildly to say that San Jose was reluctant to be out o' nights. Yet in reviewing it you speak of Century. who used to live in was addicted to writing ghost stories which made the reader C. "my book. One particularly dark night two gentlemen were abroad in the loneliest spot feel as if a ice. within the city limits." said he. critic. who had been hanged there. it. "I it as the work of the Idiot of the fair criticism?" Do you think that very sorry. The town was not very well lighted. fresh from the were streaking it up his back and hiding in his hair. stream of lizards. San Jose was at that time believed to be haunted by the visible spirit of a noted bandit named Vasquez. but you can hardly be ignorant of its authorship. sir. California." Morrow. the dis- tinguished "Mr." replied the critic. talking loudly to keep . Pollard. Percival Pollard. "but am know who wrote Mr. it did not occur to me that you really might not wish the public to amiably. San Jose. is published anonymously.

Owen. "I am afraid to be in. J. a well-known journalist. and that pageant always affects me One has in the same way as a brass band. Joy were standing near the Peace Monument. "what brings you here on such a night as this? You told up their courage. Owen. "Why. I have one of Will Morrow's stories in my pocket and I don't dare to go where there is light enough to read it. "but I see General Miles coming down the avenue. me that this is one of Vasquez' favorite are a believer. I think. exclaiming: "Hello! Mr. Joy. to "Come to think." the journalist replied with a drear autumnal cadence in his speech." said one.329 when they came upon Mr. J. Is success a failure? sentence. Santlemann's. Joy sud- denly broke off in the middle of an eloquent I've heard before. haunts! And you Aren't you afraid to be out?" dear fellow." said scrutinize one's impressions pretty . discussing the question." that band "I don't hear any band." "My Rear-Admiral Schley and Representative Charles F. in Washington. I don't either." said Schley. like the moan of a leaf-laden wind.

It Pretty soon a was a dreadfully hot neighbor came in and seeing Clark. One day he rode into town on a favorite mule. or one will mistake their origin. ''he's an inveterate smoker." the While Admiral was digesting this hasty meal of philosophy General Miles passed in review." said Clark. he's all right. Champ Clark. said: "Champ. he went inside in his character of teetotaler. he was smoking as I passed him." assented Joy." . in front of a saloon." The illustrious statesman. to apprise the barkeeper that wine day. thoughtfully. lightly. is a mocker." "O." said the Admiral. sure! out there in the sun. "There is nothing. a spectacle of impressive dignity. once lived about a mile from the village of Jebigue. When the tail of the seeming pro- had passed and the two observers had recovered from the transient blindness caused by its effulgence cession seems to be enjoying himself. it is not right to leave that mule He'll roast. "that "He he enjoys one-half so well.— 330 closely. hitching the beast on the sunny side of a street. in Missouri. and.

lay the incinerated and shrunken remains of his charger. There had been around a fire the night before: a stable just number of horses had put on their immortality. Clark went out. Clark's mule loose and substituted the mortal part of the colt. "do remove that mule. you shouldn't. "For mercy's sake!" he said. apparently. Clark. But if he doesn't mind. The boys did not have any fun out of Mr. "that animal has the best nose in Missouri. who looked at the body and. Presently rich nut-brown. with the non-committal expression to which he owes so much of his political preBut walking home ferment. The neighbor He was a conspirator. which was roasted to a the corner had burned and a the boys had turned Mr." In the course of human events Mr." "Yes. went away. but shook his head and repeated that it was not right." interposed Clark. among them a young colt. barkeeper: it smells. taking it with sugar. and there. Mentioning the name of . late that night he saw his mule standing silent and solemn by the wayside in the misty moonlight. of Some another man entered the saloon.331 took a lemonade.

the General was surprised and pained to find Adam named. an animal of uncommon inRetelligence but imperfectly beautiful. H. The general apologized to his faithful progenitor and retired. judging by an empty champagne bottle and several cigarstumps. epaulettes and all.— 332 Helen Blazes with uncommon emphasis. turning to his apartment one evening. and passed the night in town. General H. has a pet rib- nosed baboon. "what do you mean by being out of bed after taps? and with my coat on I" Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in the manner of his (for so the creature is kind and. had been hospitably entertained while waiting. Clark took the back track as hard as ever he could hook it. returned with a visiting-card: General Barry had called and. The . Mr. president of the Army War College. Wotherspoon. scuffling across the room to a table. "You confounded remote ancestor!" thundered the great strategist. the general being a Darwinian) sitting up for him and wearing its master's best uniform coat.

" said Barry. Suffrage. as commonly interpreted. moving after him." Success. 333 next day he met General Barry. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means. the fifteen minutes. and are admirably forth in the following lines by the reverend Father Gassilasca Jape. the right to . entitled. sin against one's fellows. Where do you get them?" General Wotherspoon did not deign to reply. I knew it was not you before I had been in room n. "Pardon me. when leaving you last evening I forgot to ask you about those excellent cigars. a far-away look a head of hexameter hair. The one unpardonable In literature. but walked away." The bard who would prosper must carry a book. Joyce. thin in your thought and your body'll be fat you wear your hair long you needn't your n. "John A.. hat. please. for some mysterious reason. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. "I was joking of course. who said: "Spoon. Do his thinking in prose and wear A crimson And Be If cravat. Why. and particuset larly in poetry. the elements of success are exceedingly simple. old man.

334 vote for the man of another man's choice." The however. is pleased To upon a part diseased Till. for there is no legitimate accuser. bad name of "incivism. He is some- times an editor. The woman most jump back into it eager jump out is of her petticoat to assert her to rights first when threatened with a switching for misusing them. It drops to die of surfeit in the mud. As the lean leech. fix itself its its victim found. So the base sycophant with joy descries His neighbor's weak spot and his mouth . for A's abstention from voting gives greater weight to the vote of B. n. and the is highly prized. If the accuser is himself guilty he has no standing in the court of opinion. applies. One who approaches Greaton his belly so that he may not be comness manded to turn and be kicked. By female suffrage is meant the right of a woman to vote as some man tells her to. he profits by the crime. Sycophant. cannot be properly arrainged for his crime. black hide distended with bad blood. Refusal to do so has incivilian. if not. which is somewhat to limited. It is based on female responsibility.


Gorges and prospers
Unlike that

like the leech, although,
let go.

he will not

if it

paid you to devote


talent to the service of a goat,

Showing by forceful logic that its beard Is more than Aaron's fit to be revered
If to the task of honoring its smell

Profit had

prompted you, and love

as well.

The world would benefit at last by you And wealthy malefactors weep anew
favor for a moment's space denied
to the nobler object turned aside.


not enough that thrifty millionaires

Who loot

in freight and spoliate in fares, Or, cursed with consciences that bid them


safer villainies of darker dye.
fain, instead,

Forswearing robbery and

To steal May see

(they call


"cornering") our bread
their boots to lick

you groveling

begging for the favor of a kick?

must you follow

to the bitter



sycophantic disposition's trend,


your eagerness to please the rich
sinners to their final ditch

Hunt hungry

In Morgan's praise you smite the sounding wire. And sing hosannas to great Havemeyer!

What's Satan done


him you should eschew ?




reeking rich


Syllogism, n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an

(See LOGIC.)



immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted


by factory smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization. Sylphs were allied to gnomes, nymphs and salamanders, which dwelt, respectively, in earth, water and fire,



Sylphs, like fowls of


were male and female,

no purpose,

apparently, for

they had progeny they

must have nested in inaccessible places, none of the chicks having ever been seen.



Something that




typify or stand for something else.

symbols are mere "survivals" things which having no longer any utility continue to


because we have inherited the tendency make them; as funereal urns carved on memorial monuments. They were once
real urns


holding the ashes of the dead. cannot stop making them, but we can

give them a


that conceals our help-

Symbolic, adj. Pertaining to symbols and the use and interpretation of symbols.

conscience feels compunction;

I hold that that's the stomach's function,

For of the sinner


have noted

somewhat some other ghastly fashion Within that bowel' of compassion. True, I believe the only sinner
he's sinned he's

That when




he that eats a shabby dinner.

You know how Adam

with good reason.

For eating apples out of season, Was "cursed." But that is all symbolic: The truth is, Adam had the colic.


T, the twentieth letter of the English alphabet, was by the Greeks absurdly called tau. In the alphabet whence ours comes it had the form of the rude corkscrew of the period, and when it stood alone (which was more than the Phoenicians could always do) signified Tallegal, translated by the learned Dr. Brownrigg, "tanglefoot."






caterer's thrifty conces-

sion to the universal passion for irresponsibility.


Paunchinello, freshly wed.
P. to table.

Took Madame



there deliriously fed
fast as

he was able.

"I dote upon good grub," he cried,
Intent upon its throatage. "Ah, yes," said the neglected bride, "You're in your table d'hotage."

Associated Poets.




part of an animal's spine that

has transcended

natural limitations to

up an independent existence in a world of its own. Excepting in his foetal state, Man is without a tail, a privation of which he attests an hereditary and uneasy consciousness by the coat-skirt of the male and the train of the female, and by a marked tendency to ornament that part of his attire where the tail should be, and indubitably once was. This tendency is most observable
in the

female of the species, in



ancestral sense


is strong and persistent. The men described by Lord Monboddo now generally regarded as a product of






influences generated in the golden age of

our pithecan





acquire, frequently

by force

but preferably by




To commit

an indiscretion without

temptation, from an impulse without purpose.

Tariff, n. designed

on imports, producei against the greed of his consumer.




to protect the domestic

The Enemy




Sat grieving at the cost of coals;

For Hell had been annexed of And was a sovereign Southern
"It were no



more than

right," said he,
fuel free.


I should get



duty, neither just nor wise.

Compels me


Whereby my broilers, every Are execrably underdone.

What would

they have ?





do them nicely

to a turn,

I can't afford

an honest heat.


makes even devils cheat! I'm ruined, and my humble trade

All rascals


at will invade:



my me

nose the public press
in sulphureousness

The bar ingeniously applies To my undoing my own lies;

My medicines the doctors use
(Albeit vainly) to refuse

To me my


and rightful prey

340 And The
keep their


in shape to


preachers by example teach
to perform, I preach;

What, scorning

And statesmen, aping me, all make More promises than they can break.
Against such competition I

up a disregarded


Since all ignore


just complaint,

By Hokey- Pokey! I'll turn saint!" Now, the Republicans, who all

began at once to bawl
devil of a go!


his competition; so

There was a


locked horns with him, tete-a-tete

In acrimonious debate.
Till Democrats, forlorn and lone,


hopes of coining by their own.
evil to avert, in haste

The two


to relax

since 'twere


A tittle of

the Sacred


finally agreed to grant


bold Insurgent-protestant

A bounty

on each soul that


Into his ineffectual Hell.





In an English court a


named Home was

tried for slander in hav-

ing accused a neighbor of murder.
exact words were: "Sir

Thomas Holt hath

taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon

the head, so that one side of the head fell

upon one shoulder and the other
the other shoulder."

upon The defendant was

acquitted by instruction of the court, the

learned judges holding that the words did not charge murder, for they did not affirm
the death of the cook, that being only an



Ennui, the


or condition of
fanciful deriva-

one that


word have been affirmed, but high an authority as Father Jape says that it comes from a very obvious source
tions of the




words of the ancient Latin hymn Te Laudamus. In this apparently natuthere





Teetotaler, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

For if he did. that were well. so great his greed He'd draw his last with eager speed. Nay. Not so He'd draw but never let it go! . It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. n. you say. The following illustrative lines were written of a Californian gentleman in high political preferment. Well-buttered eels you In vain may o'erwhelm In tubs of liquid slippery-elm —from his detaining pinch They cannot That struggle half an inch! is 'Tis lucky that he so planned breath he draws not with his hand.342 Telescope. who has passed to his accounting: Of such tenacity his grip his That nothing from hand can slip. enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. «. Tenacity. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell sum- moning us to the sacrifice.

— Tights. and the Theosophist is so keensighted as to have observed that everything desirous of improvement eventually attains perfection. in as several bodies. An ancient faith having all all the certitude of religion and the mystery holds. An habiliment of the stage tion of the press agent designed to reinforce the general acclamawith a particular publicity. n. that we live an number of times on this earth. of science.848 Theosophy. Less competent observers are disposed to except cats. which seem neither wiser nor better than they were last year. incal- with the culable The modern Theosophist Buddhists. that is. a single lifetime does not suffice for us to become as wise and many good as we choose to wish to become. n. Public attention was once some- what diverted from Lillian Russell's garment refusal to wear this to Miss and it. The greatest and fattest of recent Theosophists was the late Madame Blavatsky. who had no cat. To be absolutely wise and good that is perfection. . because one life is not long enough for our complete spiritual development. many were the conjectures as to her motive.

recovered.844 the guess of Miss Pauline Hall showing a high order of ingenuity and sustained tion. This is and there Tomb. reflec- was Miss Hall's belief that nature had not endowed Miss Russell with beautiful legs. The House of Indifference. are a n. but the conception of a faulty female leg was of It so prodigibus originality as to rank among the most brilliant feats of philosophical speculation ! It is strange that in all the con- troversy regarding Miss Russell's aversion to tights no one seems to to have thought to nature of that ascribe it what was known among the ancients as "modesty. however." The sentiment is now imperfectly understood. ground for hope that the primitive "blush" may be dragged from its hiding-place amongst the tombs of antiquity and hissed on to the stage. of lost arts The study has. and possibly incapable of exposition with the vocabulary that remains to us. but when they have been . been recently revived and some of the arts themselves is an epoch of renaissances. This theory was impossible of acceptance by the male understanding. Tombs now by common consent invested with certain sanctity.

Dr. regarded In the individual. but toping pitted against the hard- nations are in the forefront of civilization and power. soak. swill. or swig. lush. the famous Egyptologist. booze. When drinking Christians the abstemious Ma- hometans go down like grass before the scythe. now generally accepted by archaeowhereby the noble science of Curios- has been greatly dignified. Huggyns. This reasonable as its view ity is logists. guzzle. With what an easy grace whisky-loving American pushed the temperate Spaniard out of his possessions'! From the time when the Berserkers ravaged same Aryan the the coasts of western Europe and lay drunk in every conquered port it has been the same way: everywhere the nations that all . bib. v." the soul being then all exhaled. explaining that tomb may be innocently "glened" as soon occupant is done "smellynge. is To tipple. toping with disesteem.345 long tenanted it is them open and a considered no sin to break rifle them. Tope. In India one hundred thousand beef-eating and brandy-and-soda guzzling Britons hold in subjection two hundred and fifty million vegetarian abstainers of the race.

between a stagger and a sprawl. to use wish that they did not. Firmness and strength (you have a giant's thews) Are I virtues that the great know how yet. you're backbone. .: — 346 drink too much are observed to fight rather well and not too righteously. As to your feet. No. army may boast of having materially augmented the Tortoise. they'd make an angel weep. A creature thoughtfully created lines by the supply occasion for the following illustrious Ambat Delaso TO MY PET TORTOISE My Nor friend. lack You —excuse my mentioning — it on the whole. To look and I do not doubt it aches. you're not pretty. — are you beautiful: your head's a snake's at. gait's Your you are not graceful not at all. but A certain firmness —mostly you have. the estimable old ladies Wherefore justly who abolished the canteen from the American nation's military power. Soul. I own. Tis true you take them in whene'er you sleep. to n.

34T So. his I see an Emperor head withdraw Into his carapace for fear of Law. however. were you. Due So to the genesis and growth of Soul. O deign To accept the homage of a dying reign! In the far region of the unforeknown I dream a tortoise upon every throne. . When Man's Your progeny extinct. I salute you as a reptile grand Predestined to regenerate the land. unreserved I'd rather you were I than I and true. A King who carries something else than Howe'er acceptably he carries that President not strenuously bent A On punishment of audible dissent never shot Who (it were a vain attack) An armed or unarmed tortoise in the back. Perhaps.— . in a time to be. fat. Subjects and citizens that feel no need To make the March of Mind a wild stampede. Father of Possibilities. to be candid. a better world may see in power and control.

a happy. By Adam Tree. in y* londe I I was carryed to see y* Ghogo y' whereof had hearde moch talk. in Church and State.348 All progress slow. conceded it no primacy over the lamp-post and the bridge-girder) is made plain by the following passage from Morryster. contemplative. the tree is a . though not ant factor in public morals. profitable to the general welfare. sedate. though most trees through a miscarriage of justice bear only a negligible fruit. your time" the word.bene- agency of civilization and an importIn the stern West and the sensitive South its fruit (white and black respectively) though not eaten. who antedated him by two centuries : While tree. is agreeable to the public taste and. 'tis My 1 glorious testudinous regime 1 wish in Eden you'd brought slouching in and chasing this about out. And "Take Tortoise. n. serve a penal When ficent naturally fruited. indeed. or none at all. to . A tall vegetable as intended by nature apparatus. That the legitimate relation of the tree to justice was no discovery of Judge Lynch (who. happy dream. but sayynge . exported.

beast that had taken human life. n. or a the accused socialist. tried and. animals. put to death by the public executioner. usually a human but in mediaeval times. orchards or vineyards were cited to appeal by counsel before a civil tribunal. advocates and jurors. In order to effect this purpose it is necessary to supply a contrast in the person of one who is called the defendant. Trial. was duly arrested. . or the accused. his braunches all soch as have affroynted y* King his Majesty. y* hed manne of y* where it grewe made answer as foUoweth "Y^ tree is not nowe in fruite." And I was furder y"" tolde y* y* worde "Ghogo" sygni- fyeth in tong y' same as "rapscal" in our owne. Insects ravaging grain fishes. if condemned. reptiles A fields. to that of their is added worth. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges. Trauvelh in y' Easte. If the contrast is is made sufficiently clear this person made to undergo such an affliction as will give the virtuous gentle- men a comfortable sense of their immunity. and insects were brought to trial. or practiced sorcery. the prisoner. In our day being. but in his seasonne shall see you dependynge fr.: — 349 I villayge saw naught remarkabyll in it.

In and the Bishop of Lausanne. directed that some of "the aquatic worms" be brought before the local magistracy. it is believed. some pigs that had wickedly run between the viceroy's legs. 145 1 a suit was brought against the leeches infesting some ponds about Berne. both present and absent. but the sentence appears not to have been executed. where they were solemnly excommunicated and anathematized. In a street of Toledo. if they continued in contumaciam the matter was taken to a high ecclesiastical court. to the betterment of their conduct and morals." In the voluminous records of this cause celebre nothing is found to show whether the offenders braved the punishment. horses. argument and condemnation. bulls. D'Addosio relates from the court records many trials of pigs. or departed . In Naples an ass was condemned to be burned at the stake. tried and punished. upsetting him. goats.350 and after testimony. dogs. were ordered to leave the places that they had infested within three days on pain of incurring "the malediction of God. greatly.. This was done and the leeches. were arrested on a warrant. cocks. etc. instructed by the faculty of Heidelberg University.

The pig's reply to proponill porcophagy. Subordinate deities of the polytheistic such as devils dowered with the power of combination. ents of n." "Pork?" shrieked the patient "pork? Nothing shall induce me to touch it!" "Do you mean that?" the doctor gravely asked. the multiplex theism of certain Christian churches. Trichinosis. distinct «. — "I swear it!" "Good! you. "You need an immediate change of diet. are not . sent who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as trichinosis." he saidj "you must eat six ounces of pork every other day. faith. but tactfully gave it another name. three entirely deities consistent with only one. and must urge individually their claims to adoration and angels. fallen Moses Mendlessohn having for a Christian physician.351 forthwith out of that inhospitable jurisdic tion." —then In I will undertake to cure Trinity.

bility n. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy. after the before the Flat. Unitarians of betray their inadequate sense theological fundamentals. An ingenious compound of desira- and appearance. In case we believe the former as a part of the latter. all the Socialists of Judah. and every one that was discontented" in brief. . except in the instance of an intelligible contradicts that an incomprehensible one. a cave-dweller Tree and famous community of troglodytes dwelt with David in the Cave of Adullam. The colony consisted of "every one that was in distress.352 and propitiation. Specifically. n. of the paleolithic period. Friendship. In religion we believe only what we do not doctrine that understand. and every one that was in debt. A — Truce. Truth. n. The Trinity is one of the most sublime mysteries of our holy religion. which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time. In rejecting it because it is incomprehensible. Troglodyte.

n. Pestilent bits of metal suspected of destroying civilization and enlightenment. widows small means. n. (or Tsetse) Fly. adv. Turkey.353 Truthful. Trust. An African is in- sect {Glossina morsitans) whose bite com- monly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia.) . In American politics. A large bird whose flesh when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. n. this incom- TzETz6. orphans in the care of guardians and the courts. despite their obvious agency in parable dictionary. though some patients prefer that of the American novelist [Mendax inferminabilis. a large cor- poration composed in greater part of thrifty working men. Incidentally. eating. with many similar malefactors and of public enemies. Dumb and illiterate. it is pretty good Twice. n. too often. Once Type. adj.

In recent times ubiquity has not always been understood not even by Sir Boyle Roche. In diplomacy. . «. which is omnipresence. A gift of the gods to certain women. Certain Lutherans. tribute only. for Christ's body is present only in the eucharist. who held that a man cannot be in two places at once unless he is a bird. — Ugliness. but not in all places at all times. who affirmed the presence everywhere of Christ's body were known as Ubiquitarians. a last demand before resorting to concessions. all «. entailing virtue without humility. though that sacrament may be performed in more than one place simultaneously. For this error they were doubtless damned. an atof God and the luminiferous ether This important distinction between ubiquity and omnipresence was not clear to the mediaeval Church and there was much bloodshed about it.354 U Ubiquity. for example. The gift or power of being in places at one time. n. Ultimatum.

355 Having sider it. the sands of the desert and the Heaven !" For eight hours the broad brow of the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk was corrugated with evidences of deep thought: he was calculating the chances of war. the Turkish Ministry met to con- "O servant of the Sheik of Prophet. Then. numbers as the leaves of the impenetrable battleships "And how many strike terror to the hearts of all Christian swine?" he asked the Victorious Navy. "the die is cast! I shall suggest to the Ulema of the Imperial Ear that he advise inaction." he said. "Sons of angels." was the "deign to stars of know that they are as the waves of the ocean. Imaum of the Ever reply. "Uncle of the Full Moon. is In the name of Allah." replied after that dignitary "they are in forest!" examining his memoranda. "how many unconquerable soldiers have we in arms?" "Upholder of the Faith." said the Imperial Chibouk to the the Mamoosh of the Invincible Army. the council adjourned. received an ultimatum from Austria." .

heathenish. He wrote at Inspiration's call . heard." Understanding.356 Un-American. His understanding was so keen all things which he'd felt. intolerable. oil n. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke. Marbury had been adminwicked English nobleman it was discovered that the oil had not been properly consecrated and no other could be obtained. The rite of extreme unction consists in touching with consecrated by a bishop several parts of the body of one engaged in dying. adj. or greasing. Unction. was in or out of jail. A cerebral secretion that it to know a house from by the roof on the house. He could interpret without fail If he That seen. and Kant. who rode a house. who enables one having lived in a horse. Wicked. When informed of this relates that after the rite istered to a certain the sick man if I said in anger: "Then I'll be damned die!" is "My we son. a horse n. An oiling." said the priest. "that what fear.

—— 357 Deep disquisitions on them all. but is n. pent at last in an asylum. Then." know 'twas loaded. "I beg your pardon. Universalist. sir. The kind of civility that urban all observers ascribe to dwellers in cities New York. Jorrock Wormley." Swatkin. They never had not read before. men swore. One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian. Urbanity. Its commonest expression heard in the words. all 'em. . n. mill had exploded. Performed the service to compile So great a writer." and it is not inconsistent with disregard of the rights of others. lifted The man's His hat he "I didn't from his head. he said. "I beg your pardon. Unitarian. n. One who foregoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith. The owner of a powder mill distant hill Was musing on a his Something mind foreboded fell When A deviled from the cloudless sky there human kidney! Well.

A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife. n. A soldierly compound of vanity. n. UXORIOUSNESS. decent reverence for this industrious writer Imbued with a Holy Triad an to may hppe as produce books that will live long as the fashion. who had ordered at once. They n. Chickamauga. worth of the nearest say that hens do cackle loudest when . "Why have you halted?" roared the com- mander of a division at a charge. duty and the gambler's hope. siir.358 Usage. the Second and Third being Cus- tom and Conventionality. The tribute of a fool to the ass. "General." "move forward." Vanity. "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy. «." said the commander of the delinquent brigade. The First Person of the literary Trinity. Valor.

an awe-inspiring chap! Who'd think this gorgeous creature's only virtue Is that in battle he will never hurt you? Hannibal Hunsiker. grandly bold. business 'tis who say that men Whose to drive the tongue or pen Make the most clamorous fanfaronade O'er their most worthless work. only cumbrous name. pi. professing to have made A study of mankind. the . Virtues. Satire. resolute. Vote. and I'm afraid They're not entirely different from the hen.— . His blazing breeches and high-towering cap Imperiously pompous. Certain abstentions. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to a make a fool of himself wreck of his country. Grim. w W (double U) the has. as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit. 359 There's nothing vital in the eggs they've laid And there are hens. n. of all the letters in our alphabet. Lo ! the drum-major in his coat of gold. and n. n. Vituperation.

Even the great and good Andrew Carnegie has made his profession of faith in the matter.ptK(ie. Silence your pibroch. Carnegie. Go back to your of perpetual brume. at least better endured. that by simplifying the name of (calling it "wow. Carnegie the dauntless has uttered his call all To battle : "The brokers are parasites !" Carnegie. n. however." There can be no doubt. if not promoted. That Wall Street of thieves is a belief that serves every unsuc- cessful thief in place of a hope in Heaven. you'll never prevail Keep the vi'ind of your slogan to belly your isle sail. dofE tartan and plume: . like exixopta[ji. This advantage of the Roman alphabet over the Grecian is the more valued after audibly spelling out some simple Greek word. 360 being monosyllabic." for example) our civilization could be.. A symbol of sin for is every a den devil to rebuke. of names the others W Wall Street. it is now thought by the learned that other agencies than the difference of the two alphabets may have been concerned in the decline of "the glory that was Greece" and the rise of "the grandeur that was Rome. Still.

is For a man Carnegie. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity. The student of history who has not been taught to expect the unexpected may justly boast himself inaccessible to the light. it means. It was when Kubla Khan had decreed his "stately pleasure dome" when. War. your tongue too free! Anonymus Bink. not merely that all things earthly have an end that change is the one — immutable and eternal law but that the soil of peace is thickly sown with seeds of war and singularly suited to their germination and growth. of peace prepare for war" has a "In time deeper meaning than is commonly discerned. fly is calling his son from the fray from the region of Wall Street away While still it you're possessed of a single baubee to (I wish were pledged to retreat endowment of me) 'Twere wise Lest its from the wars of finance value decline ere your credit advance. n. there were peace and fat feasting in — Xanadu —that he heard from far Ancestral voices prophesying war.— — ! 361 Ben Lomond Fly. Carnegie. A by-product of the arts of peace. . that is to say. 'twixt a king of finance and the sea.

Washingtonian. Woman him to the service of her will and. professions of eternal amity provide the night. They it should be said took away his vote and gave instead The right." and that to a little is more of that elemental distrust the security of nations. Weather. vi^hen In vain —he clamors he had earned. Coleridge of the wisest of men. of Tyrant Certain primal powers wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species. To come again and part him from Offenbach Stutz. paralyzing his rebellious energies.362 One of the greatest of poets. the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good govern- In justice to him that he did not want to. his roll. was one and it was not for nothing that he read us this parable. A per- manent topic of conversation among persons . n. Weaknesses." poor soul. to eat his bread. War loves come like a thief in the night. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged ment. binding n. Let us have a little less of "hands across the sea. pi. n. The climate of an hour. for his "boss.

cooler. snow. one undern. A . mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle. then he wrote On a slab of thin asbestos what I venture here to quote For I read it in the rose-light of the everlasting glow: "Cloudy. Wedding. I looked he reared him solemnly. that incand- escent youth. shut in Hades as a liar from With While a record of unreason seldom paralleled on earth. ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one. He cast his eyes about him and above him. And saw the Chief Forecaster.— 863 whom it does not interest. dead as any one can beDead and damned and his birth." Halcyon Jones. Once I dipt into I the future far as human eye could see. with local showers. From the coals that he'd preferred to the advantages of truth. but who have it inherited the tendency to chatter about from naked arboreal ancestors whom it The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in keenly concerned. variable winds.

tied it to a post by the tail and went to bed. and in the morning you will find a sulted the local priest. tongue.364 takes to takes to become nothing. and nothing underbecome supportable. . their captive Lutheran. "see that you chain it by the leg. n. "The next time that you take a wolf. Whence this audible big-smiling. With its labial extension. Some Bavarian who told them that was undoubtedly a werewolf and had resumed its human form during the night. In the Ojibwa an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. The next morning nothing was there! Greatly perplexed. transformed by sorcery. of evil disposition. Should you ask me whence this laughter. Werewolf. but some. they con- human flesh. or is All werewolves are man. a A peasants having caught a wolf one evening. are as humane as is consistent with an acquired taste for sometimes." the good man said. disaster. having assumed a bestial form to gratify a bestial appetite. wolf that was once." Whangdepootenawah. n.

I should answer. the shankank. inly. bosom. the unplummeted ahvsmns^ audible big-smiling. buried In the down upon his his With head retracted While his shoulders overlook it? Does the sandhill crane. Standing silent in the kneedeep With his wing-tips crossed behind him And With his neck close-reefed before him. Should you ask me further question Why Why Of This the great deeps of the spirit. the kneedeep.! — 365 With its maxillar distortion And its diaphragmic rhythmus Like the billowing of ocean. I should tell you: From the great deeps of the spirit. the soul extrudes this laughter. Like the river from the canon. the gug-guggle. his bill. all I should answer. Caught the Whangdepootenawah Is't the sandhill crane. his william. Like the shaking of a carpet. the shankank. honest Injun: William Bryan. tumpitumpy. To entoken and give warning present That my mood is sunny. he has Caught It. a true tongue. From the unplummeted abysmus Of the soul this laughter welleth As the fountain. Standing in the marsh. I should tell you With With a white heart. .

the gray and dismal kneedeep. The French are said to eat more bread per capita of population than any other people. ows was one of the most marked features of Wine. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor.! 366 Shiver grayly in the north wind. As the sparrow." sometimes as "rum. does? 'tis No not the Shankank standing. A cereal from which a tolerably n. Caught the Whangdepootenawah Wheat. Widow. and which is used also for bread. although Christ's tenderness towards widhis character. madam. the chipchip. A pathetic figure that the Christ- world has agreed to take humorously. Standing in the gray and dismal Marsh. which is natural. No. is God's next best gift to man. n. ian n. good whisky can with some difficulty be made. Black. for only they know how to make the stuff palatable. . adj. and n.' Wishing he had died when little. 'tis peerless William Bryan Realizing that he's Caught It. White." Wine.

devil. with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by n. It is susceptibility credited by many of the elder zoologists with a certain vestigial docility acquired in a former state of seclusion. and seldom noted is what the pleased to call a "joke. from Greenland's spicy mountains to India's moral strand. and having to animal usually living in the a rudimentary domestication. in a wicked league with the devil. infesting all habitable parts of the globe. n. it roareth now. The species is the most widely distributed of all beasts of prey. The it salt leaving out." Woman.367 Wit. Philistine n. Witch. wickedness a league beyond the Witticism. The popular name (wolf- . deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld. (i) An ugly and repulsive old woman. A sharp and clever remark. «. usually quoted. An vicinity of Man. (2) A beautiful in and attractive young woman. having no knowledge of the seclusion. . but naturalists of the postsusananthony period.

Balthasar Pober. The solemn purpose cannot by contrast the dignify. build high. The wanton grass-roots will defeat the plan By shouldering asunder' all the stones In what to you would be a moment's span. Time to the dead so all unreckoned flies That when your marble all is dust. build massive as you can. arise. so Ambitious fool ! mad to be a show How The you bestow Upon a dwelling whose magnificence profitless the labor tenant neither can admire nor know. the Tombeau Napoleon and the Grantarium. especially the American variety {Felts pugnans) is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk. WORMS'-MEAT." Probably the silliest work in which a human being can engage is construction of a tomb for himself. for the creature is of the The woman is lithe and graceful movements. The contents of the Taj Mahal. but "this too must pass away. n. The finished product of which we are the raw material. Worms'meat is usually outlasted by the structure that houses it. cat kind. Build deep. but only accentuates foreknown futility. .— 368 ! man) in its is incorrect. .

Amongst the ancients the wrath of kings was deemed . stretch your limbs and yawn You'll think you scarcely can have closed your eyes. n. sacred. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. Worship. n. tion. Anger of a superior quality and degree. The Greeks before Troy were so harried by Apollo that as they jumped out of the frying-pan of the wrath of Chryses into the of Achilles. popular form of abjechaving an element of pride. What though of till all man's works your tomb alone himself be overthrown? Should stand Time Would Forever it advantage you to dwell therein as a stain upon a stone? Joel Huck. though offender. appropriate to exalted characters and momentous occasions as. for it could usually command the agency of some god for its fit manifestation. was neither fried nor roasted.— 369 If wakened. could also that of a priest. fire of the wrath the sole Agamemnon. A Wrath. A immunity was that of David when he incurred the wrath of Yahveh by similar noted ." "the day of wrath. "the wrath of God." etc.

Xn. God is now Love. popularly supposed. In Europe. "testified" algebra of X Y Yankee. but because the corresponding letter in the Greek alphabet is the is initial of his sented a cross it name Xpiax6<. In the . stands for Christ. X is the sacred symbol of ten dollars. and a director of the census performs his work without apprehension of disaster. Words beginning with are Grecian and will not be defined in this standard English dictionary. n. etc. because it represents a cross. X X in our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers. In psychology x stands for Woman's mind.. seventy thousand of whom paid the penalty with their lives. it repre- Andrew. as as Xmas. an American. and like them. will doubtless last as long as the language..— 370 numbering his people. would stand for upon one of If St. and in such words not. who the that shape.

But yesterday I should have thought me blest To stand high-pinnacled upon the peak Of middle life and look adown the bleak And unfamiliar foreslope to the West. our Union. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments. half-remembered. in God His name Yea. speak Unfinished prophecy. It is said that in his last illness the poet Arnegriff was attended at different times by seven doctors. and witch-fires freak The haunted twilight of the Dark of Rest. the entire past of age. Yesterday.) Year. The infancy of youth. n. (See Damyank. Baruch Arnegriff. Where solemn shadows all the land invest And stilly voices. a New EngIn the Southern States the word is States of unknown. soul was all aflame shadow on the dial's face At manhood's noonmark! Now. . the youth of manhood. and Would know the dream and vision Disparting fain ne'er again. yesterday my To stay the I chide aloud the little interspace me from Certitude.371 Northern lander. n.

wearing silken bristles. Cassandra has and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer. n. An — A apologies for withholding it. popular character in old Italian plays. or clown. The Period of Possibility. howling. point and poignancy. n. Youth is the true Saturnian Reign. and cows fly over. live ever in clover. when Archimedes a following finds a fulcrum. delivering milk at every door. and was therefore the ape of an ape. and pigs betailed with whistles and. the Golden Age on earth again. for the clowo «. to whose Latin name. A . madam. and every assassin is made a ghost and. who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the buffone. is cast into Baltimost! Polydore Smith. we owe one of the most illuminating words in our language a word that defines the matrimonial situation with thousand precision. and Justice never is heard to snore. jugum. Youth. Zany. when figs are grown on thistles.372 Yoke. implement.

see an of transmission. and against repeated remonstrances of the official himself. with a sandy beach between. example of creation in the humorist. Unfortunately for the exist- . The Zanzibaris. The American consul at the capital occupied a dwelling that faced the sea. One day a woman came down to the edge of the water and was stooping to remove her attire sisted in using the (a pair of sandals) when the consul. as we to-day have the unhappiness to know him. who apes the archbishop. are best known in this country through a threatening diplomatic incident that occurred a few years ago. who apes the rector. n. in- censed beyond restraint. fired a charge of bird-shot into the most conspicuous part of her person. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is the curate. In the zany we . Zanzibari. An inhabitant of the Sultanate of Zanizbar. who apes the devil. off the eastern coast of Africa. who apes the bishop. Greatly to the scandal of this official's family. a warlike people. the people of the city per- beach for bathing.373 himself imitated the serious characters of the play. specialist in The zany was progenitor to the humor.

" Jum Coople. A passion that goeth before a sprawl. A certain nervous disorder afflicting young and inexperienced. the «.374 ing entente cordtale between two great nations. he cast a severed human head at the feet of his opponents and . n. their opponents. Zeal. Zenith. These were called Horizontalists. some holding that the posture of the body was immaterial. the philosopher-king of Abara. to a standing in man a or a growing A man bed or cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith. Verticalists. The Horizontalist heresy was finally extinguished by Xanobus. A point in the heavens directly overhead cabbage. bending down. a zealous Verticalist. she was the Sultana. Entering an assembly of philosophers who were debating the matter. "An ointment for my cracked and bleeding crown. though from this view of the matter there was once a considerable dissent among the learned. When Zeal sought Gratitude for his reward He went away exclaiming: "O my Lord!" "What do you want?" the Lord asked.

) . and one who professes to have penetrated a considerable distance into the interior. have thought that these four names stand for as many distinct deities. Frumpp insists that the are monotheists. place Zeus.375 asked them ing that outside. its to determine its zenith. v. Zigzag. an man's burden. n. as one carrying the white (From zed. forward uncertainly. each having no other god than himself. The chief of Grecian gods. adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God. but in his monumental work on Surviving natives Faiths. t. whom he worships under many sacred names. z. Mob and Dog. explain- body was hanging by the heels Observing that it was the head of their leader. and jag. from side to side. Crown might be pleased to its among and Horizontalism took fides de fundi. the Horizontalists hastened to profess themselves converted to whatever opinion the hold. Some explorers who have touched upon the shores of America. Gold. To move Icelandic word of unknown meaning.

So. Zoology. including its king. . from both of whom we learn {L'Histoire generale des animaux and A History of Animated Nature) that the domestic cow sheds its horns every two years. I been Constreynet for to doodge betwene.) The father of Zoology was Aristotle. The science and history of the animal kingdom. as is universally conceded. Munwele. the House Fly {Musca maledicta. to com saufly thruh. Two of the science's most illustrious expounders were Buflfon and Oliver Goldsmith.376 He zedjagged so uncomen wyde Thet non coude pas on eyder syde. n. but the name of its mother has not come down to us.

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