An autobiography in Five Parts Maurice “Alex” Burford

Many thanks to Alexander "Aleck" Graham Bell for making electricity useful.

Alex's Birth

Pregnant at age of 17. I'm common. So are headlice.

To say scared.

"You were almost not here."

luckily his dad it was easy *labors out kittens*

I had peed all over

so I got up and gushed

I was like, ok – "MOM!"

Doula and OB's negative urine

"stretch and sweep"

we had pizza, toast, gatorade and pajamas with my excited cervix

Cervix was still posterior

water dilating out a face my face!

verge of sleep bring the baby down!

if you aren't already familiar with the story of Alex's birth, this is how it goes: Loopy shower / the nurses / squat for dialate / "labourland" / Blue Oyster Cult

if a man, never hurt so much

My head off, ripping in two, a short short story, so mother and check me, whatever lady.

*Jubilant: squawks and yawns* a year in five tuckered breaths

5 1/2 months pregnant again but I'm a little sheep this time around ;)

Alex's Superhero Fund happy to be a shirt since age 5 losing his scarlet fever he could patent and make infusion with all kind of telephone was "egg carton w/ clothes" was the family horse was reasonably clumsy was Canadian by his father and a boarder were all elocutionists other people's lip movements Visible Speech but also any symbol accompanying sound an introspective homemade device that combined rotating paddles and soup allowed him to adopt the middle name "flour mill" the scene of many forays how do cars go? how does glass hide? his pupil was lackluster and marked by absenteeism like goats and sheep so he evolved horizontally like any symbol and its accompanying sound

Fourth-grader Alex's curiosity--and his haste--saved the youngest position cried and peed during very much like god Long division is generally where French language or in Ontario napping the equivalent to the above grade we would sing: As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man, seven wives, tears and shoeless taking turns in the valued position. Each wife had seven sacks, but going up and across? Taunt and darkened, a chunk of coal hanging? Each sack had seven cats, cutting and being broken within, holding a lie each each arm, his wife and silt valuable. Each cat had seven kits, bearing kilts and douches, little eggs draped on ears like candy plates and seeds. Kits, cats, sacks, and wives, How many must go to St. Ives?

Alex (15 Year Old Balinese Cat) even if the 'sophomore' concept (as little meaning) is part-Mexican, part-Italian obsessive crush on rainbow socks first appearance: The Crazy Ten Minute commonly called "matriculation exams" student is required to sit to exam vital pupils to stimulate growth, function, or transformation to restrict genitalia to make obvious girls to direct a later rise and some pathways fail to initiate or define the onset and too little sun exposure made the kicked pigeon and i am so guilty everything hidden in a boat and four years of bought new yorks always at the same point mention glass and us together like a list of wizards restricting variation and counties drinking together

Alex Is A Student/Child Counselor (Fancy Babysitter) Who Loves all Alex's they all live in a small semi-detached flat in Shoreditch with a sparrow we are naturists with energy saving light bulbs but also smoking straw and having sex right outside Chitty Chitty Bang Bang where we left college sewing a plenty bold mistake and left the other Alex who died don't forget anger the day's incantations under the sheets (it’s lovely) the name or a spyglass or a lady naming horror and puzzles the tongue blonde and brunette written independently as discrete syllables precise arrangement a spice falling and a line of blue some fountains play off each other some years sketch not a precise horror imitating the penalty of denial but hear a lifelong release in these intimate gaits

The author would like to acknowledge puberty and beer for making him who he is today. pandapandapandaalex.blogspot.com

Pinch Pinch Press 2008