This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
behaviors. Many people have spent a lifetime suppressing their own values and goals, live with anger and guilt, or living lives of quiet frustration. Much of that has to do with how we communicate with others: at home, at work, at school, and as we go about our daily lives. Learning to assert ourselves is crucial in learning to say no, building our self-respect, and dealing with drinking or drugging situations. Examples of situations where more effective interpersonal skills can be useful:
y y y y y y yAsking for things yMaking requests yInitiating discussions ySaying No yResisting pressure yMaintaining/upholding a position or point of view
Working on these skills can help you: y yget something you want without alienating others. If you can¶t get something you want, another skill to work on is tolerating your distress about that and accepting your situation. y yimprove a relationship. In a relationship, you will want to learn to improve communication, balance short-term or competing goals with what is good for the relationship, assess unmet desires or inequities, and learn to address issues. y yimprove or maintain your self respect. Working on your self-respect is simply feeling good about yourself and what you are doing, holding to your values and beliefs, and acting in ways that make you feel competent. Use role models and get feedback. Watch people who you consider effective. What do they do to make other people want to accomplish goals? How do they interact well with others? You can improve your own interpersonal skills by modeling the behavior of others. This takes practice, and feedback from others is helpful. Our thinking can get in the way! Some refer to these as µworry thoughts¶. Others may call them irrational, dysfunctional, or maladaptive thoughts. These beliefs may paralyze us, keep us from trying to interact better, or keep us from voicing our opinions or working on our goals. But we can change our beliefs, dispute thoughts that are inhibiting us, and overcome these obstacles. Change is possible. Common examples: y yWhat-if¶s Worrying about possible consequences, predicting how others will respond (we have a tendency to predict negative responses). Ask yourself: am I fortune-telling? y yAbsolutes
Chronic indecision can result from these fears. still retain the respect of their colleagues and friends. it seems that we just whipsaw from drama to drama. It may be that you have gradually allowed a relationship to become imbalanced regarding finances. or frustration can be important. rather than the other way around.People who aren¶t allowed to make decisions get out of the habit. Learning emotional control is another skill to work on. or who seem able to µroll with¶ situations they can¶t control? What skills do they use? Humor?A sympathetic manner?An ability to compromise? Some key principles: Knowledge reduces worry. paraphrased from articles by the creator and author of DBT. they have less concern about it. So think again: do you know people who are able to get things done. As a first step. ySelf-deprecation If your self-image is poor. I find that once they understand the basic cycle of the pest. So recognize where in your life you can make decisions. Sometimes it may seem we will be asking for µtoo much¶. Clarifying your own goals and being realistic can be helpful steps to take. Asserting yourself can be uncomfortable because it is a new experience or may lead to conflict. decision-making. It is normal to have conflicts about goals and to be moderately anxious about discussing them with someone. if you¶re in the military. and where it is possible to enact change.´ Learn to change absolute words to more accurate ones. children. Reaffirming your own values can be helpful. You simply can¶t decide what it is you really want. simply recognizing when you are being governed by anger. Decision-making is a skill. When you can¶t control a situation. The mindfulness concept discussed in another essay allows us to recognize the emotions that are distressing. we are more anxious. Guilt is a common reaction to emotional conditions. you may tend to believe that you aren¶t worthy of your own goals. When we are controlled by our emotions. asserting yourself will have very adverse consequences! Your mother may have µalways¶ bossed you around. I sell plants and help gardeners deal with pests and diseases. Worry increases indecision. When we are uncertain about the facts or consequences of a situation.y More predictions: ³they always«she never«he refuses«won¶t. whether by spiritual or intellectual means. Some suggestions for improving interpersonal effectiveness. can¶t«. and writing these things down is very useful. Most people find it useful to write these thoughts down. career issues. y yIn relationships: . Take a step back (become mindful of the emotion) and then notice what beliefs and unhealthy thoughts are resulting from that emotion. anxiety. and life seems unmanageable. We all fear rejection and want to be liked. learning to accept it is very important. Marsha Linehan (all in the public domain).´ Our emotions can be crippling. Your work situation may be authoritarian. And the combination of emotional distress and worrying can lead to indecision. fear. ³I don¶t deserve this«´ I remember reading a sad post on a forum once: ³I often think I don¶t deserve sobriety.
Express your feelings and opinions about the situation. stay true to your values. Roleplay (write the dialogue if you are alone) what you could have said differently: how you could have asserted yourself by asking for what you want or saying no clearly. Describe a more desirable outcome. and dispute those beliefs one by one. Can you describe a recent situation of your own where you could have applied those traits or techniques? Working Together for Quality Results . You can change your thinking. Describe how they avoided conflict or managed it. or take a pay cut to shed some job responsibilities. y ychanged your behavior to suit someone else¶s preference. Interpersonal effectiveness often involves getting others to do things for you. Describe beliefs or fears you have about that scenario. y yaccepted statements of beliefs with which you disagreed without expressing your opinion. communicate more effectively. you may want to get others to do things. even though it bothered you to do so. How can you set priorities more effectively? Ask others for help. Then you can say µyes¶ when you want to. Perhaps you can share resources with others (for day care. say no when necessary. Exercise: try to think of recent situations where you have y yallowed others to set your schedule or make commitments for you when you had other preferences. Why? Because peer pressure is a major obstacle to abstinence and change. Recognize when you are having difficulty saying no. But learning to assert your self can be a key practice in attaining sobriety or changing other unhealthy behaviors. yBalancing needs and preferences: What are the things you do because you µwant¶ to? What are the things you do because you µshould¶? Do you feel these are out of balance in your life? If others don¶t seem to value your priorities. which may seem rude or bossy. the things that person said. you will want to work on getting your opinions taken seriously (communicate more effectively). and mean µno¶ when you say it. And you can learn to say no to unwanted requests. To reorder your priorities. and how the other people reacted. Try to create some structure. Write a description of one such situation. reduce or put off low-priority demands. Examples? You may value your free time enough to pay someone to do housework or yardwork.y y Don¶t let hurts and problems build up. yDealing with priorities and demands: If you feel overwhelmed. for example). Examples? How can you prevent problems from getting worse? Resolve conflicts before they get overwhelming. End hopeless relationships. Exercise: Describe a situation where you saw someone assert herself or himself effectively. and learn to recognize your competence. List the character traits you observed.
V Value Style System . let me make a point or two about corporate success. Superior companies invest in their staff to feel motivated and employed in the roles which fit their natural energies. The subject of corporate core values and ethics has received a real boost in corporate management of late due to the unfortunate legacies of some major players in the corporate arena. Communication. It is therefore extremely important for management to help staff understand themselves and placing them into the work roles appropriate to fit their natural tendencies. members talk too much or too little or forge ahead with plan or proper procedures. When staff pay attention to a) results (the ³ D´ style application of µwhat¶ and µwhen¶ we will complete projects).A. When people are helped to understand their unique style contributions and work well with others different from them. He discovered that a person¶s primary behavioural tendencies could be grouped into one of four basic behavioural styles ± that of either being (1) Directive. my present clients seel this training repeatedly for their employees in support of the company¶s vision and mission statements. management has realized again that µa house divided against itself cannot stand¶ and the role of core values has again received its proper due. Individual self-awareness translates into balanced overall team output is practiced in the first day of training. Work teams too frequently clash when its members experience huge gaps of communication due to behavioural and value style clashes.S. the entire team benefits.If ever there was one professional theme common to the challenges of most companies. What is needed now is to build both understanding and skill development in this most important field of core value leadership and effective communication.i. (2) Influencing.i. talents and competencies.S.S. Alignment among staff is required which much come from clearly pursued corporate core values. as the drivers for corporate success. Porras): ³What distinguishes excellent companies from good companies?´ All their research findings funnelled down to two discoveries: (1) superior companies managed by the preservation and application of core values (frequently no more than five core values) and (2) their core values collectively are to stimulate growth. Theoretical Underpinnings of the D. With fresh consideration. (3) Supportive/Systematic. excellent communications begins to take place. then Professor of Communication and Behavioural Development at the University of California. The experts in motivation (Maslow. Conklin.i. The core values selected by superior companies are accepted as µthe board of directors¶. Over twenty years ago. Persons hired in these companies received training in the core values. a most essential question for management to consider is the very question posed by the researchers of Build to Last project (James C. and (4) Conscientious/Cautious.C Behavioural Style System. takes place among people and with the aid of effective processes and it is no wonder that emphasis is placed so much on the value of self-directed teams. studied the behavioural patterns of people in the workplace.V used in a two-day workshop to achieve improved communication and interpersonal effectiveness. Let us now become acquainted with the D.I. the D. This requires providing an innovative culture and working climate where people¶s most natural talents and lines of communication are made available to all company employees and demonstrated by top management. Consequently. Theoretical Underpinnings of the P. This article will describe the application of two learning instruments. Before describing this training process. it is the importance of communication. to c) supportive/systematic (the ³S´ style application of µhow¶ things need to be planned and d) conscientious/cautious (the ³C´ style of application of µwhat¶ and µwhy¶ we should complete rules and regulations/set standards. With an eye on these components. pushing for results when not enough facts have been considered.S. It is on this basis that the Interpersonal Effectiveness workshop puts its emphasis on the importance of helping teams communicate their natural talents in the wider context of corporate values.C style of communications. A company¶s success operating in a global environment depends primarily on maintaining and expanding its market share of its products and services. Further exploration of corporate behaviours revealed the fact that where management was trained to complete their projects with the help of the four different behavioural styles and train their staff to apply D.i. Covey.C behavioural style component. reflect their commitment to those core values by living out the corresponding behaviours and being rewarded or corrected by the company¶s management systems. John Geier. O¶Connor and Massey) all agree on two basic motivational principles: (1) all people are motivated and (2) people are motivated for their own reasons. overall outcomes are assured.A. Dr. Let us link effective communication to building a corporate culture in which core corporate values find expression through the natural behavioural styles and value positions held by its employees. not necessarily ours.C and the P.I. of course. Collins/Jerry I. values. to b) influence (the ³I´ style application of µwho¶ and µwhich¶ ideas/people would make up for good communication and relationships).
corporate results. Adding comfort. This clustering indicates the intensity and significance levels of held by the person and while all six value clusters operate withinthe person.V (the Personal Interest. help others do the same and show a desire to work with each other for the betterment of long-term. and with the most innovative outcomes. that of their colleagues and to learn how to connect with each other for the greater purpose of linking corporate core values with personal value stances. This value and behavioural combination could rub others the wrong way. 2) corresponding behaviours and 3) system supports. Let me define the six value clusters at this time. another employee may reflect a Social value cluster (concerned to achieve a conflict-free environment. To repeat the same process applied to value cluster awareness and application as we have noted for behavioural styles. Research and life experience has stated the obvious ± first. competitiveness. communication. on budget. We all know that clashes take place when people are too different in value or behavioural styles. this learning system helps employees to gain awareness of their own value clusters. the background to existing conflicts and the return on investment to remedy the situation. The Utilitarian value cluster emphasizes the importance of always seeking a return on one¶s investment. Secondly. Summary It is my professional conviction after years of training and consulting that there are a few top management steps worth taking to obtain superior and long-term corporate results. ³Do unto others as they like to be done unto!´ All of this takes new understanding and respect for our behavioural and value style differences and the need to apply all the styles to achieve both quality and quantity-based outcomes. This person¶s value cluster tendencies do link well with the financial objectives of the company while going about work tasks in a conscientious/cautious communication work style. Each needs the other members of the team to bring out the better.A. Alternatively. one employee could bring a Utilitarian value cluster (wanting a return on investment). Attitudes and Values) System. Respecting their culture or ethics wins their team input. principles or beliefs really resonates for them. the following primary value clusters arrange themselves in terms of priority to the individual. . The Social value cluster shows its sensitivity towards conflict and the need for harmony. respecting their unique values. The consistent outcome of this workshop demonstrates repeatedly that people want to learn moe about their unique talents. To enhance the communication among people. It would be wise to consider the person¶s knowledge and wisdom on issues considered. The Theoretical value cluster indicates the importance of knowledge to the individual. total team. Similar to behavioural-style knowledge and application.The research of Eduard Spranger in the early 1900¶s revealed the fact that employees equally hold their unique value styles different from each other. this focus on value clusters also aims to obtain greater team results and for the projects to be completed in time. Finally. Allowing them the power to lead the group while completing projects would be a wise move. the Aesthetic value cluster considers such matters of form. ensure your company¶s success founded on 1)core values. Through such training. sometimes unrealistically) while communicating through a High I behavioural style (sharing high levels of communication and enthusiasm for ideas and people) while supporting the company¶s core values as mentioned above. colour and music would bring out their responsiveness. Cooperating with them on matters of resolving conflict or creating harmony would be well received. For example. The Individualistic value cluster demonstrates the importance of role or positional power. more balanced and worthwhile outcomes. These natural energies and tendencies must be respected and linked into corporate core values. pay attention to the important differences among employees behavioural and value styles. again participants are helped to understand their value cluster arrangement among the possible six clusters. One pays attention to the importance of wise investment of time and money to gain their buy-in. This corporate strategy requires leading from the top and thorough training for all staff. such as innovation. To define briefly the six value clusters in the P. paying special attention to the top two value clusters is of great significance to the person owning the value cluster and for the others to respect his or her value cluster to improve interpersonal effectiveness and maximize team potential.I. The workshop participants are then guided to understand and respect the different value clusters among the participants and to enlist their creative energies towards achieving balanced and creative outcomes. The Platinum Rule is frequently emphasized which states that. This employee desires his/her colleague¶s support to spend a considerable amount of money to make everyone happy without possibly consideration of all the facts involved. Further Considerations and Implications What brings all of this learning together is to understand how one¶s values get communicated through one¶s behavioural style while both styles must work the company¶s core values for the best results. communicate this through a High C behavioural style (being conscientious/cautious in pushing for results) while needing to support corporate core values. The Traditional value cluster emphasizes the importance of working with a proven system based on values. beauty and harmony important to get their work done.
employees will find themselves enjoying their work. . giving their best and adding significantly to the long -term success of their company.
This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
We've moved you to where you read on your other device.
Get the full title to continue listening from where you left off, or restart the preview.