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C pOiKJlCIIIIII!
llappy Hinhda y'
of the celebrant: You give your own party-
no surprises-and it will be a dinner party
including champagne waMmiucKoe when
possible . The birthday ' cake" will be a
dessert pie 1111p6r or torte TOpT, often with
birthday wishes or the honored one's name on
it. Candles CllC'IKII are sometimes used, but
they seem not so obligatory as are ours.
Birthday cards are mailed if attendance is not
possible, but they are not integral to the event
itself. Guests do bring gifts noAapKH, however,
from flowers and drink, on up.
Within the family, birthdays are celebrated
each year-somehow-as are all children's
birthdays. A more lavish celebration (with
company, that is) is more likely for adults on
particular birthdays, especially multiples of ten
and the fifty-fifth and sixtieth birthdays, which
might correspond to retirement yx6n Ha
llCHCIIIO.
These anniversary birthdays
AaTLI are especially important for the bosses at
work, where there will be some sort of cake, a
communal gift noAapoK, flowers , everybody's
signature on a congratulatory letter uo-
JIJ,paoJiTeJlLHbtli a11,pec, and finally, a congrat-
ulatory speech from a co-worker.
The Graduation
BLmycKHOH oe'-lep
Upon exit from school the members of the
graduating class llblllYCKHitKii and their parents
attend a program at school where the graduates
are given their diplomas opytatOT aTTecTaTLI
Jpenocnt. Particular emphasis is placed on
those who did especially well: those who
received all A's are awarded a gold medal , and
those with all A' s but two get a silver medal
(providing, of course, that their conduct was
exemplary). Afterwards, the parents go home,
and the young ones remain for a party (food and
dance) that has been set up for them by their
parents and teachers. Thereafter, in the wee
hours of the night they used to roam the street s
(of the large cities) singing, but now roaming
the streets is not recommended. (This is a senti-
mental time: the students have gone through
most of their school lives together , and the
bonds arc strong.)
A school reunion oe'-lep ocTpeut
BLIII)'CKH11KOil is a popular event that often
includes a dance; all former pupil s are invited,
sometimes over the radio. University reunions
are often held on Tatiana ' s day on 25 January.
(She is the matron saint of students.)
The Housewarming
Hooocem,e
To celebrate moving into a new apartment , the
housewarming Hoaocenbe is again the charge
of those doing the moving. Guests bring a gift,
but it need not be house-related. The event is
treated merely as a cause for celebration, rather
than as a particular ceremony (like that
observed by the peasants when they moved into
a new log house nJ6a). (On the other hand, if
you have a cat, it enters the hous'e first - the
first one to enter the house is the first to die.)
TRANSLATIONS
a. For several decades, people were kept like
unthinking cattle. I remember how, when I was
still quite young, the first time they turned me
into a domestic animal. My timid explanation,
" I thought. .. " was turned into " the boss thinks
for you, (you have to) live like everyone else."
MOCKOilCKIIC HOilOCTit, 14 cf>eopami 1993
b. It bothered many critics that Zamyatin was
an artist completely devoid of any superfluity,
stingily measuring out his lyrical comments,
somehow un-Russian in his restraint , and neat,
with all his buttons buttoned.
Mark Slonim. The Writer and His Creation.
TRANSLATIONS 31
Evergreen branches indicate
a recent funeral
prayer on a tape across the forehead. The reli-
gious service differs from the civil in that they
usually also sing: AllllHJJYHR, 118blil ncanoM,
Bema11 miMRTb. After the ceremony, mourners
file past the open casket while those nearest and
dearest kiss the deceased goodbye. Then the
body is canied out, again feet first.
Most people prefer burial norpe6eHne to
cremation KpeMliUltst because belief in an after-
Ha Kmin6111ue o nepeone.
life is common, especially among the religious
oepyiOtUne. A century ago, the peasants buried
their dead with vodka, salt, tobacco, and so on to
make postnwrtem life easier. Relatives arrange
for a grave MOfH!la, a tombstone OllMIITHHK,
Eor )J,a!l, lior H BJR!l.
God giveth, and God taketh away.
PARTICULAR CEREMONIES 29
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set a date for the wedding. Formerly, the coupk
received coupons TaiiOHbl that allowed them !0
buy wedding or household items in shon suppl y
Tooapbl at stores not open to the
public JaKpbtTbte MaraJJiHbl. One coupon
gave the bride the right to a hairdo npll'tecKa
on her wedding day without waiting in line.
The wedding itself 6paKocoteTanue will
take place either at the registry office (01111
o'lepa pacnucamtcb = "They got married yes-
terday") or, often in cities these days, at a more
elaborate Wedding Palace .[loopetl 6paKoco-
'leriHni1; church can follow the registry office.
Our couple napa must make plans for their
honeymoon MeAOBbiH MeCHI..I, send out invita-
tions npurnarneHHH, and organize a dinner or
make reservations at a restaurant for the wed-
ding feast or supper CBllAe6Hblif JiKIIII, oetep.
Relatives p6ACTBeHmtKH must meet one anoth-
er. Wedding clothes and the requisite house-
hold equipment must also come together.
The following describes a more elaborate
marriage, especially in a large city where nowa-
days the attempt is to restore some semblance of
ceremony. A wedding car decorated with inter-
twined rings KOJibUaMII picks up the wedding
party, which includes the bride, groom, and two
witnesses CBIIAhemt. The bride is probably
wearing a white dress if she has not previousl y
been married (or a pastel will do), and a head-
dress <f>aTa that often includes a veil and fl ow-
ers. The groom wears a dark suit. They first go
to a waiting room Jail OiKIIAaHHH to make sure
that all is in order, and finally the music coaAe6-
Hhtti Maprn starts (Mendelssohn is likely but not
obligatory). The wedding party enters the wed-
ding hall where the marriage ceremony will be
performed by one to three officials from the reg-
istry office. Throughout the Russian Federation
the substance of the ceremony has these basic
elements: (I) a few words to the young people
on the significance of the creation of a new fam-
ily; (2) their mutual affirmation of their desire to
enter into marriage; (3) the affixing of signa-
tures; and (4) congratulations offered by the
administrator. The latter then gives out the rings
for each, which are worn on the right hand; they
26 CONDUCT
are pronounced husband and wife (oo'h!lllJBi 10
nac 11 iKenoli): they kiss; photographs
arc taken; the wedding march is heard: and the
party exits, perhaps to an adjacent rented roorn
for champagne, chocolate. and fl owers, or per-
haps to lay flowers at the grave of the Unknown
Soldier or to some other monument or site. (The
latter new tradition is not observed among the
intelli gentsia.) The wedding ceremony itself
lasts only a few minutes.
The e1ening is filled with a wedding meal
coaAe611hlil )' iKJ1H, oe'lep, which starts out
with a supper beginning with many appeti zers
and bottles of liquor or champagne and which
ends in a noisy fog. Somebody's uncle is often
the master of ceremonies and it is he
who starts the toasts and suggests that perhaps
the wine or liquor is bitter: "It ' s bitter!''
is shouted hy everyone, until the bride
and groom kiss, to sweeten things up. Though
three days off of work are granted the newly- ,
weds, Russians do not have our obligation to
leave town at the end of the ceremony-the
drinking part y can last several days.
Russians do elope Taihto oeutaiQTCSI, but
the Russian expression connotes onl y a secret
marriage, with no fli ght necessary. The verb
oeutaTbCSI has at its root crown oeHeu beca
crowns arc held over the heads of the bride and
groom in the Russian Orthodox wedding ser
vice oeHtamte. The wedding ceremony at
church is in fact quite simil ar to the ch
ceremony. (Take any opportunity to attend
Russian Orthodox Church wedding ce
many-or funeral , for that matter. Wear
fortabl e shoes; nobody except the infirm
allowed to sit. Women wear skirts in ch
Some wedding conventions from
days remain in the language and, sometimes,
fact , since they frequently fi ll a conte
need. Marriage brokers coaT, coaxa were
to arrange a marriage coaTOBCTBO. Their
was to check out the famili es' requ
including the size of a dowry npnAanoe.
agreement cr6oop was reached, an
noMOJJBKa was announced and formally
firmed in a church ceremony o6p
are avail ahk for some: o f these anatomical
\\ords; the technical words are so technical as to
be incomprehensible, and the words everybody
is, those that foll ow-are too
awful to be uttered. Euphemisms are resorted to,
such a,; the male ' membe r" M)' A<CKoii '-IJJeH.
The most common obscene word for penis is
xyii or its equall y awful substitute xep, the name
of the first letter of the real obscenity. Common
constructions are: Xyll c HHM To hell with him
IIJIIi 113 xyll I 1-hlt 113 xep Go to hell
1
These
words also combine with na to make adverbs:
ua xep =not at all (Ha xep Tbt Mile uyA<mi ) and
with 1111 to make a noun, nu xepa = nothing at
all (Hn xepa He JHaiO). The relatively inofft<n
sive euphemism is xpeH, which in normal par-
lance means horseradish. XpeH c HIIM might
equate to our "To hell with him."
Obscene testicles become eggs slii1.1a, perhaps
a more active description than our term. This is
the onl y major indecent word that. has a decent
meaning, too, which may explain why relati vely
few ancillary expressions use this root.
Vagina mona is the major female obscenity.
It may also be used to denote a weak or effemi -
nate man or can be a te rm of abuse and may
refer to either a male or a female OH mnna
BOHtO<ta!l .
For arse/ass or arse-/ass-hole we have A<6na.
Go to Hell! 11nn o A<ony! and many, ma ny si m-
ilar expressions. Dark-skinned Caucasians or
central Asians are 4epHOA<onMe. One of the
delights of research is finding this paraphrase in
Dal's: the common saying Ha 6e3pbl6be 11 p3K
pbl63 (When there's no fi sh, the n a crayfish can
be a fi sh) converts to Ha 6ecnni'lbe H JKona
conooeil (Whe n there are no birds, then your ass
can be a nightingale'). This word, as its English
correspondent, is also commonl y used to refer to
the stupid or unthinking. There exists yet another,
though less common, word for the posterior ori-
fi ce cpa K3, the related obscene verb of which,
"to defecate" cpaTb (cpy, cpeT or see )].3nh), is
more often used.
One obscene noun for feces roo116 is very
widely used, not as an expleti ve, but as a
There are many forms and varia-
tions of the word, not to mention sayings such
24 CONDUcr
a' ''ell-known Csoe ronuo ue
(One s own feces don't stink). The II'Ord i.
common, even though unacceptable. that
the first of these that the forei gner j, Ji
hear ( Khrushchev used it to describe his
of some modern art.) Another obscenit y
same thing is aepLMo and is also widely
a descriptive for anything useless or 1
When defecation is out <lf
diarrhea has set in. the obscene
Jl pllCTllTb; the noun is UpltCT
The Engl ish "to fart" has the same
meaning as the Russian nepaen ,
nepr1,1IT with the pe rfective nepuyn, and
as a te rm of abuse nepnyn. Another
for passing gas 6JneTb, 6JJKy, 6Jll11T
do so noiselessly.
The unprintable word for 11/rore
6mt)lb retains that meaning but is also
ly used as an exple ti ve or simply as an
tion for the sheer joy the young seem tv
ence in sayi ng something awful: On.
)lOCTaJl n3n11pOC, 6Jll1Ab, 11 33K)'p1L1,
and so on. (Othe r unacceptable
ll'hore are Kypo3, rnnt6xa. Whores
whorehouses 6opneJlb or 6apnaK,
which can also mean mess or disorder.
words are pri ntable.)
The tem1 for someone very s
good is MyLJ.a K; it is obscene
refers to the male genitalia.
Euphemisms abound. The tri ck is
take an initial syllable and convert it
thing less a larming though often
ll)lpeHhlil instead of e6allb1Jt ;
eUJKifll KOT, eKCeJlb-MOKCCJlb for
M3Tb; MyTaHT instead of MyLJ,aK; Ifill!
Or HAll H3 TpH 6)' K8bl instead of IIIIH
Many euphemisms involve the first
most are the first letter, thus A<ona
JK3, roono becomes n, 6nSIAb
e lement of play is also involved
object is to g ive the impression of
words without actually having done.
Myxa npoJoqnina, MaTh MyTal.lllii!
(A helpful informant supplied the
degrees of awfulness: very bad:
6J1SIAb, mona, efi:iTbCSI; bad: )1{0113,
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Sanitation and sex
0 !eM He I'OBOpstT
In private homes. the toilet YIIIITlb will be found
all by itself in the toilet room y66p11aH
7
equipped with toil et paper
or neatly torn newspaper sheets to scr\'e the same
purpose. Wash your hands afterwards in the
bathroom oaHIIaH, which contains a sink and a
bathtub. (Russians are fairly persistent about
hand-washing, especially before eating.) Public
facilities o6mecTBeHHbiH TYaJieT are a caut ion,
sometimes requiring an iron will, because
upkeep rarely meets the demand. (Hotels are the
best bet, or you might want to express your grat-
itude to McDonald's.) This is especially true
anywhere outside the center of major cities,
where the Turkish toilet is not uncommon. (It is
always wise to carry your own paper with you.)
Hope on the horizon appears with a new institu-
tion, the cooperative restroom KoonepaniBHbiH
TyaJieT, where a small fee can get you no line to
stand in and a modicum of cleanliness.
)l(eHcKntl TyaJieT is the Women's room; the
Men 's room is My.IKCKOii TyaJieT. Also
)l(eHcKaH y66pHaH 1 My.IKcKaH y6opHall.
Flush the toilet! Cnycui oony u T)'aJiere!
Peopl e traveling by car should consider bushes,
etc .. as probably preferable to public facilities
which may be available. Expressions are ' ro go
to the bushes" noitni o KycntKII, or "to make a
green stop" c):leJiaTb JeJieHyiO CTOHHKY.
Considerable attempts are made to avoid a
direct reference to the fact that one must use the
facilities ynoocToa: l have to go somewhere.
MHe HaAo KOeKYA<i. M11e HaAo " HalfaJibHHKY
MHe HaAo K Asine Ba11e, and so forth.
For children, "No. l" is MHe HY)KHO no-
MMCHbKOMY (oiK3Tb or micaTb), and 'No. 2"
is MHe HY.IKHO no-6oJiblllOMY (KaKaTb). The
7. The word Tyane-r is foreign and therefore softer, kss explicit
than Those who spurn euphemism use the latter. Other
words for the facility, if not the equipment, are: B<iTep KllOJe-r,
Ka6mth JanjMlJHBOCTH, copT1ip (sym.r.). nuccyap.
raJTb.Ou (MopcKoe ), no a H)' ml, HOllbHOnt., n, oa 0\{Ka, OTX6)Kee
,.tOCTo, ufiKttHK. (Many of the preceding words arc for your
ment ; most refer to outhouses, or at least facilities without plumhing.)
22 CONDUCT
window of opportunity" on a long bus ride
"sani tary stop" caHitTapuaH ocrauonKa.
If menstruation (lit erallv,
month! ics "- the formal word is t\ICHCTp}a
needs to be taken care of one makes one's
sanitary napkins out of cotton n;h-a. though
tary napkins ntntemiteCKIIC mtK(vn,t arc
times availabk. Tampons arc
many stores, sometimes with a smiling
who is there to explain their usc.
Sex
noJIOBWC OTH01Uelllt51
If persistent reports are to be believed,
mean ingful informati on on thi s s
passed from one generation to the
very little is supplied by outside institut1
the other hand, jokes about sex abound
liberally retold. Respectable Russian
not infrequently contain nudity, and
nificant portions of the sex act have
shown. One has the impression that
are not prudes, but they are in denial. as the
ing goes.
H xotel'CSI II KOJlCTCSI II MaMa He
One wants to, very much. hut mother
not to.
Euphemism is a great help in
"She is in a family way. " 011a n
"She is expect ing ... Oua .IKAeT pe6eHKa.
whil e she is pregnant 6epeMeHH3H. The
prosrirure npocntT)'TKa is avoided by
110'1Hll51 6a604Ka, y JIII'IH3SI >KeH
nyTaHa. Howe\'er, big city prostitutes
much money these days that attitudes
their acceptability may change.
Condoms npeJcpoaTttBbl
available at phannacies or at kiosks in a
naKerttK. Married women can be fitted
diaphragm Ana<tJparMa/KoJma 40K
cnnpam,/JOIITitK. but the common
q:
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rOPOCKOn
TOObKO ,QOA BAC
Bawe Ha HeAento
00 npeACK333HMRM
aMepHKaHcKoro acTponora
Ha6epMTe HOMep Teile$<JHa
8-1 0-525-809-08- DO
nocneAHHe ABe LIHpb1 AOillKHbl
COOTBeTCTBOB3Tb
BaweMy 3H3KY 30AH3Ka.
flbl M3TMTe TOilbKO 33 Me*AyHap<>Aiiblit Te/leoHHblii pa3foeop. '-----------------l
the number 13 and the black cat: He nooeJeT,
ecmt ttepHbiH KOT AOpory nepei:iACT.
5
Good and bad signs
Xopoume 11 nnoxtie
1. A broken mirror indicates the death or
loss of a loved one. PaJ6tiToe
JepKaJlo--K CMepT11 IIJ111 llOTepe
6mi3Knx. (But if you throw it away
immediately, nothing will happen.)
2. If your cheeks are burning, someone is
praising you. I.IJ,eKu ropsiT- KTO-TO
xoam1T. If your ears are burning, some-
one is swearing about you. Yum
ropsiT-KTo-To pyraeT.
3. It 's bad luck to meet a woman with
empty buckets. BcTpennb iKeHII.{tttty c
nycTWMI1 nptmeTa.
5. This saying is the staning poi Ill for a famous song by Bulat
Okudz.hava:
roaopsn, He noueJeT. ec . .aH KOT aop6ry nepelbCT,
A noK3 nao6op6T, a noKa uao6opoT-
Tont.KO Y.tpuoMy KOTf He Belh.
20 CONDUCT
3TO He B llYTb. JlY'IlllC He XO;lli.
other hand, meeting a man is a good'
as is meeting a woman with full
wish of bad luck for someone who
displeased you: l!To6 Te6e nycTo
-1. Money found on the ground is a
sign if it is face up ope,l. and a bad
if it is face down pernKa (tsari st
an eagle open on one side ami a
grille perneTKa on the other).
5. Spi 11 salt and there will be a fi ght.
pacCbinaTb--cc6pa 6yaeT.
6. The young woman who sits at the
of the table will remain unmarried
years. CnJJ.eTb na yrn)--ceMb neT
3aM)'iK He BblHT11.
7. If you put your clothes on inside
will be beat en. Oahb natt3Ha
6btTb 6tfTbiM.
8. If she sleeps in a new place then the
wiU dream of her bridegroom.
u6ooM Mec-re--npuemlcb iKelllfx
9. It 's bad luck to leave and then
before finishing a trip. 0J10X351
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Usc of the irnpcrati 1e for111 of til e vcrh i, a
standard "ay to express a request. ;rLil icc, or a
propositi on: CneflaiiTe ... llatlllltlliTe .. . ,
OpuueCJiTe. .. Tn be polit e:, precede the for-
mer with Oo)KaflyiiCTa, llyHI.Te i(OOpi.i,
I>)'JI I.Te JIKJOC'JHI.I (somcwhat old-fashi oned)
H xoty oac . . . H xoTe: OLI uac
uoupociiTL Could I ask you to .
Acceptance or denial
The acceptance:
Xopouw. Good. (The common answer t,1 an
invitation, followed by expressions of grati -
tude.)
Oo)KaJJyikTa. (A frequently used positive
response to a polite request.)
JlanHo. OK. (Informal agreement.)
Cetl4ac. Right away.
C):leJJaiO . . . Hamtmy. I will (do whatever
the verb indicates).
)l.aoaihe. Let 's (as in our, 'Yes, let's do" or
"Shall we?").
noif):leMTe, nowmi. Let's go.
c Y.flononLcToneM, c Ox6Tuo
(All three accept with pleasure.)
The refusal:
He Mory, HeT, st He Mory, H 11111dK He Mory.
I can ' t. (The polite person will attach
11J BIIIHITe to those expressions.)
The indeterminate answer:
Mo)KeT 6bJTb. Maybe. (Avoid ' maybe if
what you mean is "no. ")
BoJMO)KHO. Possibly.
BepoliTHO. Probably.
Hanepuoe, Haoepno. Surely.
He J11a10. l don' t know.
Agreement and disagreement
KoHe'IHO. Of course.
PaJyMeeTcll. It stands to reason.
EeJycn6ouo. Absolutely.
18 CONDUCf
n paUIIJihiiO. That ' s right.
Coucpmeuuo upaouJthHO.
ri ght.
Bep11o. Right.
;:J,eiicTotiTeJibiJO. Indeed.
81.1 upaoLt! You arc right 1.
KouetHO ueT. Of course not; CouccM
Not at all; PaJyMceTo t neT Of course
1
6eJycn6ouo HeT Absolutely not;
HeT Of course not (but with an element
doubt).
HeT, 11c TaK. No, not reall y.
When asked their opinion, Russians often
it in cases when Americans would not.
young Russian being interviewed for a job '
a soft drink company was offered one
firm' s products. "No, thanks," said he,"[
drink that junk." HHKOr):la He OLIO
ra]lOCTb.) The probl em can be obviated by
asking quest ions with answers you really
want to hear.
The excuse
11JmuniTe. Excuse me. (The expression
use when apology is least needed.)
flpocTJh e. Pardon me. (For eit her a
or minor encroachment. )
Both expressions are often
admission of the error:
Jhoumrre Ja onoJ):Iaune.
The response
no)KaJJyilcTa, Hlt4er6, He CTOUT (In
sense, each means, "That's all right.")
Congratulations, good wishes
noJnpaonliTL (To wish well , on any
sian, or to congratulate.)
no3):1p3Bfl HCM C np:b).(tnfKOM!
you) a happy holi day!
Congratulations!
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' .
: .!,
di:'
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Phras.:s th:ll follow a greeting:
uac HliAeTL! Happy to sec you'
KaK xopom6, 'ITO ucTpCTnJJ uac! I low nice
that we met! (Used when you arc pleased
with a meeting.)
KaK )tmoeTe? KaK nemi? KaK IIJlYT neJla '?
How arc things? (These replace our '' How
arc you)'' and differ in that the Russian
often gives a substantive or subjective
answer such as awful, the dog died when we
would say ' Fine, thank you" on the day of
our mother 's funeral. Therefore, be prepared
to wait through the answer if you ask the
question.)
KaK 3AOP08I.e? KaK 8!.1 ce61i lfJ8CT8yeTe?
(Both ask after the health of someone you
suspect is, or may have been, ailing.)
KaK )I(H8emi.? KaK )I(IIJHI.? KaK ycnexu?
KaK nemi? qTo H08oro? '"ITo cJli.imHo?
These expressions, often preceded by ny,
are friendly, informal, and used with good
friends.
Answers to thc greeting inquiries if things are
going well:
Xopom6. Well or good.
npeKpaCHO. Splendidly.
3aMe'faTeJJI.HO. Wonderfully.
BeJJHKOJJenHo. Marvelously.
Bee 8 noplinKe. Things are in good order.
Hennoxo. Not bad. (In this situation the
word HopMaJJI.HO is often used, informally.
It does not mean "normally" or "as usual ";
it means "good" or "well.")
Answers to greetings if you are equivocal about
how things are:
H11'1er6. OK.
TaK ce6e. So-so.
Hn xopomo, HH nnoxo. Neither good nor bad.
Ol,a) KaK 8aM CKa3aTL. What should I say?
(I don't really know what to say.)
He 3Hal0, 'ITO If cKaJaTI.. I don't know
what to say.
KaK 6ynTo, HH'tero. It seems OKJall right.
16 CONDUCf
()a) Bp6ac. Hntero.
K<iif\eTut. ttutero.
OKeii.
Answers to greetings if things are not all
Ol,a) TaK ce6e, Heoaif\tto. So-so.
0Jloxo. Bad I y.
CKoep11o. Awful.
KaK ca)Ka 6CJ1a. Literally "As white as
is an answer to KaK neJra'! and means
good."
Expr.:ssions used when a ml'eting
expected:
KaKasr ueo)KitJ(atmocTI.! What a su
KaKasr rrpuliTuasr ueO)f{lfJ(3HIIOCTI.!
pleasant surprise!
fipiiRTHaSI treO)KIIJ(alltrOCTt,!
surprise!
.UaoH6 MI.r c He o1bemtcr,!
seen you for so long' These are the
common expressions.
BoT :nona! can be used informally
the meeting is both a surprise and a
with emphasis on the latt er. (The e
is also very common for any total
CKOJJbKO JJCT, CKOJJ!.KO 311M!
summers and winters' "Long time. no
ocTpeta! KaKast npusintast
fipiiRTHall 8CTpeta! How nice to
you! (These are informal expressions
the element of surprise is more poi
()],a DOT y)f{ HIIKllK) He 0)Kif)J,ll J1 8aC
8CTpeTIITL! I didn ' t expect to sec
nyMaJl 8CTpeTHTI. sac! I didn't think
meet you (here)! KaK DLI Jnecr,
oKaJamtcr,? I KaKitMII
come you arc here? KaK B!.l c10na
How did you get here? (These
arc used when you don ' t expect that
to be in that place.)
Expressions used when the meeting or
was expected:
Xopomo, 'ITO 8!.1 npnmmi. It's good
you came. pan, 'ITO 01.1 npHmfllt.
,,
!i>l
1;.
Tabk philosophy is not deep, hut it is fairly
consistcnt: in answer to a toast one often hears
.Uail ll<ll', uc noc.1enu10Kl! (Cind grant this is nut
our last one!) as the glasses arc raised. And then
there is fiuTL 6yneM, ryn!ITL 6y)leM (a nopa
npuneT, 6yneM)! (We will drink, we
will have a good time; and then the time will come
and we will di e!) This is a description of accept-
able drinking. Unfortunatel y, the uncontrollabl e
use of alcohol in any form is the Russian scourge.
"He's an alcoholic." OH ''I'll
become an alcoholic here. " H conbtOCL J)lecb.
Table songs
3acTOJlbHbiH neceHHbiH penepTyap
Singing at the (party) table is a major joy in
Russian life, so you may be able to impress
your Russian friends by knowing at least some
of the words to these songs. (The Russian song-
book neceHHIIK includes the words but not the
melody.) The titles of the songs are underlined.
Oil, useTeT KamiHa
B none y py%11,
fiapHSI MOJlO):\OrO
nonl061tJla Sl.
fiapHSI UOJliOOitJla
Ha como 6ei\Y.
fipuneo: He ii'IOry oTKpbiTLCSI,
Cnoo 11 He uaililY
J1J-Ja oCTpooa na cTpeiKeHL
Ha npoCTop pe<In6it sonubl,
BLtnJlbtBaJOT pacnncnble,
OcTporpyilbte <IenHhl.
Ha nepenneM CTeHLKa PaJnu,
06HHBlliiiCb, Clf)lJ1T c KIISIIKHOii,
Csa)lL6y HOBYJO cnpasnlieT,
CaM 11 xMeJlbJJOH.
Moil KocTep s TyMane csenn
J1CKpbt racJJyT Ha IJeTy.
HO'lbiO HaC HHKTO He BCTpentT,
MLt npocniMCSI Ha MOCTy.
14 CONDUCT
K2MJ.im
!l,epe11I.w rufmn.
A uotKa TeMJJaSI 6Lw<i.
Ontta BOJJJtOOJlettuaSI napa
Bc10 HO'tL rynliJia no )"rpa.
fiOil }TpO 11TameJK11 Janenu.
Y IK Haerymi1t npouuim,m.tii me.
fiopa HaCTaJta paCCTaBaTLCR
l1 cni'Jbl xm,iuyJl ll tn rJJaJ.
Stock phrases
CTaHnapTHble BbipaLKemsr
The following are onl y the most
expressions used in everyday speech
given situations. For a much more
plus examples and exercises. see
pe<Ieooil 3Tl1KeT by A. A.
cllopMaJJOBCKa!l, UJ)l. PyccKIIil SIJLIK,
(1975 ), from which the phrases and
tions li sted below have been taken. (By
ing number, case, or gender endings,
entire conversations can be contrived:)
Getting their attention
To address someone you don't know:
fipocTJiTe Pardon lme).
lbonmiTe Excuse (me) .
EyllLTe no6pbl ... EyllLTe (TaK) 11
Be so good (as to) ...
CKaiKJiTe, noiKaJJyiiCTa
These are the most common ex
or a request:
fpaiK)lamiu, fpaiK)laHKa! Ci ti zen
1
form is receding, but can still be
more likely in government offices,
cially the courts.)
focno)lltH, focnoiKa,
or Mrs., Ladies and gentlemen
1
reversion to tsarist days, now holds .
Tooapmu! Comrade! can sti ll be
is usual only in the military:
once. Remember that appetizers arc only the
beginning of the meal.
1
Keep both hands above the table all the
time (as do other Europeans ).
3. Do not bother to switch your fork back to
the right hand after having used the knife
for cutting.
4. Expect some looseness in manner and
posture, and do not worry about details of
table manners- Russians are usually wor-
ried that your table manners are different
from theirs.
5. Small dishes of chopped green onion or
parsley or whole cloves of garlic (in addi-
tion to sour cream) are sometimes served
with soup; they are a garnish and may be
added as you wish.
6. Butter Macno is served not as a cube but
as the contents of a small bowl
MacnenKa. This explains why Russians
newly arrived in the United States scrape
the top of the cube instead of slicing from
one end.
7. If you are eating dinner and a Russian
arrives, it is rude and insulting not to
extend an invitation to join you at the
table. (Waiting in the living room will
not do!)
8. If you come upon friends who are in the
midst of eating, the polite and common
expression is anneniTa!
which corresponds exactly to Bon appetit.
1
The same expression is used when leav-
ing a table at which others are st ill eating.
9. In the course of a meal you may comment
on how tasty something is: KaK oKycuo!
or the like. But at the end of a meal, do
not comment on a meal in toto as if you
were bestowing an accolade. But be sure
to thank the hostess: Eonbmoe cnac1i6o,
She will answer
with or Ha 3JJ.Op0Bbe!
12 CONDUCT
I 0. If you arc host ing and arc offering
lOr anything else for that matter).
keep in mind that "Thank you"
actually means "No. thank you" and
the intended Russian recipient ex
repetition of the offer (rather like the
Chinese who must be offered
I
three times before they can decently ,
accept).
II . Do not bother offering your services
dishwasher or even busboy. Your
will be regarded as a comment on
abilities of the house or host. They
help at your house, either. (Close
help, of course.)
A saying used to encourage taking
tage of an offer:
EbtOT--6eni.
(ff they are giving out somet hing, take '
they are beating you, run')
Cnaoioo 3TOMY AOMy, noiiJJ.eM K
Thanks be to this house, let's go to the
Drinking at the table
3aCT6m,e
At home. or without a special reason,
any kind is not a requirement at
Russia, one does not employ water, milk,
to wash the food down; instead one
longer. (Maybe this explains the soup
ment.)
Parties or celebrations, however,
identified by the bottles reaching from
of the table to another. (It is the host's
make sure your glass is full.) They
include a wide range of alcoholic
cnnpTHbie such as white or red
(mostly for the women), vodkas and '
(mostly for the men), and nonalcoholic
i '
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iiit' '
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\HI<: 's rtilllfl at someone Li se is ofkn.-,,,c: Lice
the people in the theater row a.-, you enter or
exit; if you must bend over to serve someone
,,ho is seated. make sure your bottom is not
aiming in someone else's direction, or excuse
yourself if it is. While eating. keep hoth hands
in view and out of your lap (as is the custom in
many European countries).
Generally. almost any physical abnormality
or disability is more of a calamity, and efforts
will be made to keep it hidden. Even such a
thing as left -handedness ou/oua 11eoma will be
trained to right-handedness. Prosthetic devices
npoTe:Jbl antl wheelchairs KomicKJt mi g ht
exist, but ramps naHAYCbl and manageable
doors seldom do.
Gestures
.IKeCTI:.I
Russians do not seem to " talk with their hands"
as we think some Europeans do, but they do
seem regularly to use a wider variety of ges-
tures than Americans.
The most common gesture, MaxuyTb
pyKOit , is a quick downward flick of the lower
ann, or sometimes just the wrist. It indicates
disapproval, rejection, or hopelessness; the
expression for thi s gesture has entered the lan-
guage to mean to give up on, to reject.
TI1e traditional enumerating gesture starts
with the left palm up, right index finger bending
the fingers of the left hand toward the palm; it
begins with the little finger so that the counted
hand finishes as a fi st.
To express relief (Whewi), say fipouec116!
(but Russians do not wipe their forehead as an
accompanying gesture).
To "thumb a ride" don't use your thumb--
face the traffic with one ann in the air (and
expect to pay for your ride). Until conditions
change, residents of the largest cities consider
thi s to be dangerous.
To indicate that someone is crazy, the
extended forefinger goes to the side of the head
as does ours; but where we make a circle with
that finger, the Russian instead holds the finger
in one place and rotates his hand.
10 CONDUCf
To indi catL that son1conc is fo,Jli sh or stupid
put your extended thumb up to the side of ,.ou;
hcatl and nar your extended fingers forward
downward.
To express dismay at your m\n stup
knoc k your fi st against your forehead and
something like " Dumb" oaJtAa!
To say ' That will get you nowherei
"You ' II never make it' " make the sign of the ..
Q11ira: hand in a fist with the thumb tip t
between the first and second fingers.
exrressions arc c1>&1ry Te6e. KyKJtUJ Teoe.
ilium Teoe. By making a euphemism
an obscene three-letter word, adulls will usc lhe
phrase KOM61tllal_llfSI 113 Tpex naJJbi_ICR
describe the gesture and to say "To hell
you." Naturally, the phrase is vulgar as a
For the motion of crossing t
Russians use the thumb and first two
together and employ the same motion Cat
do except that they go to the right shoulder
and fini sh up with the left. The Russian mot
is often very large, from the top of the forehe''
to the stomach, from the very near shoulder
the very far one. (Crossing oneself is
when appropriate in church. when one is
ened, and when one wants to ward off
forces.)
The sign of approval is a fist with
extended thumb pointing upward. (But t
thumbs down is unknown. )
If you have no money, or want your
or if its existence is in doubt, extend your
slightly and rub together your thumb and
two fingers .
A sign of agreement with the speaker is
especially among women and children: a sl
noel of the head while also blinking both eyes
once.
ln greeting, the handshake is more frequent ,
than here, and men don' t necessari ly wait for
women to extend a hand first. When (older)
people have not met for a long time, they often
will embrace and kiss three times on alternate
cheeks as is the custom on Easter after the
announcement that "Christ Is Ri seni"
Thumbing one's nose is done, but it is a
child's gesture, accompli shed using both hands:
PHYSICAL CONDUCT
KaK ce6Ji secni
Some of the most difficult things to rdeam are
those we perceive as automatic or natural when
in fact they are another aspect of our language;
we are not thinking, but we are interpreting.
Not a few examples of this problem have to do
with posture, gestures, and social distance.
Russian talking range is closer than in the
United States. A greater proximity than ours
during conversation is not necessarily an inva-
sion of personal territory, an aggression, or a
sexual invitation (though it can represent friend-
liness). Try to avoid automatically backing away
when you feel that your personal distance has
been invaded. People who shove at the store
merely want to see what's for sale; you can
shove back if you want to see. Closeness often
means comfort and friendliness, howe.ver;
females in particular often walk down the streer
arm in arm. "Hello" and "Goodbye" kisses are
fairly common among Russian females and are
often on the lips. (You can be insulting if you
automatically turn your head away.) Two
women will sit right alongside one another (legs
touching) to talk. But this closeness does not
8 CONDUCT
Together can be comfort ing
Close i s OK
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rpoM IIC rpsiiiCT, M)')I\JlK IIC nepCKpffTIITCSI.
The peasant duesn 't cross himsdf until the thunder claps. (He docsn 't take carl' ur tlllngs ahLaJ or
time.)
One has the impression that Russian women are stronger than men. A friend in St. Pctcrshuro
suggests that this, too, is Stalin 's fault. He didn't pay men enough to keep ll'(llllL'n from ha1ing tu ll ork
outside the house, nor did he set up institutions to make their domestic obligations easier. She does all .
the housework, cooking, meal planning, shopping, standing in line. She is the minister nf finances for J
the family . and she pays the bills, for which she also stands in line. She is responsible for bringing up
the children, dealing with poor report cards, and so on. She is offended by a hole in a sock. Through
it all she goes to considerable lengths to maintain her femininity, about which she has fewer doubts
than her counterpart in the United States. He can afford to be more capricious, more tender, while she
takes on the qualities of a warrior. Listen to the resentment in a woman ' s lament: 5I 11 Jlomanh, H K,
6biK, 11 n 6a6a, n MY)fUtK! (I'm the horse, I'm the ox, I'm the woman, and the man!) Perhaps (my
friend continues) the new order will make it possible for men to be more responsible and for
women to spend time with their children. Now, men are capable of reading a book and waiting
dinner. (I should add that I had come to my conclusion about Russian women and strength long be[,
I met Russians of the Soviet persuasion.)
Women do not fare well as part of language. Ea6a c o6Jy-Ko6biJlc Jlertte. (It would be easier
the mare if the woman got off the cart.) Y 6a61.1 BOJlOC ).IOJJOr, ).Ia YM K6poTOK. (The woman 's
long hair and a short mind.) lia6yrnKa minooe cKaJaJla. (" Grandma told it two ways,' ' referring
anything unclear or open to wide interpretation.)
Russians are fatalists. They seem to accept, much more readily than do we, that chance and
cumstance arc immutable and that they personally can do little to ameliorate conditions or in
events. This attitude does not encourage any kind of activism. (Also see the section on superstit'
lleMy 6h1Tb, TOrO HC MIIHOBaTb.
What will be, will be.
Feelings arc allowed a greater range: tears rise more easily (especially among women) ;
is even more attractive; spontaneity is not undesirable; depression happens.
Anti-Semitism is sometimes denied, often admitted, but usually there. It comes out so
quite unexpectedly, but it comes out. Judaism may be a religion, but Jewishness is treated and t
of as a nationality, and an unsavory one at that. "Why was he rejected?" no nsiToMy nynKTy. B
of item five (the nationality item in a standard questionnaire). There are two words for Jew: the de
word has Hebrew as its base eopell, eopet!Ka, and the indecent word shares origins with yid
)l(lfUOBKa. EcTh eopeH, ecn 11 iKnnhl. Most recent Russian-Jewish emigres to the United States
actually irreligious but are Jewish in the Russian sense and therefore subject to the fairly com
anti-Semitic prejudice-a major reason for emigrating. (Try not to overconclude: it is also true that
was only the Jew who could emigrate in the first place, therefore many people had to acquire Judai
in order to leave. Then again, many left less from prejudice than from the desire for a better life.
picture of Truth depends on the artist.) At root is distrust: Jews are seen as willing to do anything
get what they want; the Jew is not Russian and therefore any attachment to the land, or allegiance
it, does not obtain (during World War II the Jews had the reputation for being unwilling to fight);
6 CONDUCf
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their person, or to impress, in order to enhance their .. selves." Extravagant or loud behavior to this end
is undesirable as well as unbecoming-except for famous pcopk with whom such conduct is almost
expected. T1.1 ubiCT)'niiJl, KaK ua cueue. ( You acted as if you were on stage.) Therefore, being sel f.
confident, self-assured, self-reliant caMoyoepeHHOCTL, caMonaueliHHOCTL arc, in Russian, ncgati1,
traits. She is too sure of herself = Oua ynepeHa 8 ceoe. On caMOIIaUeSIHIIblll intimates that the man
is so sure of himself or self-reliant that he is almost a snob. What ' s bad about these traits is that the
occupation with or attention to one's self does not allow for sensitivity to, or care for, ot her people.
And that 's bad. (New Yorkers in particular and Americans in general should avoid talking loudl y in
public as a matter of course: drawing attention to oneself is considered bad manners.)
By culture (if not by nature) Russians are their brothers' keepers. Maintenance of public order and
custom is the job of all. Comments are made not necessarily on behalf of oneself OT ce6H but on behalf
of the group 66ll.leCTBO. Miscreant children must contend not only with their parents but also with any
other proximate humanity in their parents' absence. If you fall in the street, someone will help you up.
If you have a run in your stocking, strangers, thinking it a kindness, will let you know. If you don't
wear a hat when the weather is cold, older strangers might remark to you on your dangerous laxity.
Sadly, this trait is beginning to weaken, and some alienation is occurring, especiall y in the cities .
With the new world order, fewer are willing to help out, and neighbors are becoming less neighborly.
The American knows that money is blood, but the Russian is only beginning to understand thai.
Before, these worries were smaller; everyone had a job, the job was secure, pensions bordered on the
adequate, the doctor cost nothing, rent was just a few rubles, and bread was subsidized. So, why worry1
Go ahead and spend two weeks' wages on a part y. Learning how to budget money was unnecessary.
Ha Te6e, E61Ke (y6o1Ke), 'ITO HaM ue roiKe.
Here, God (or poor one), t:tke what we don' t want.
1
Incomes were very similar: egalitarian and low. The great American motivators, greed and avarice,
were frowned upon; the use of piggy-banks represented the inculcation of bourgeois-that is, low-
morals. But conditions are changi ng now, especiall y among the young. Older parents are often shocked
by their children' s acceptance of the new order. Suddenly, making money is more important than .
becoming educated, or, sometimes, money is needed to get the education. The dark coroll ary to mon
ey's new esteem is that the businessperson is often in deservedly low repute: Y Hac ell.le 'ICCTHoro
61-iJHeca Mano. (We still have little honest business.) And when the Russian sees Jews and dark-
skinned people 'lepuwe from the Caucasus or Central Asia as those most able to put a profit together.
both the causes of tolerance and capitalism sink further.
The Russian is brought up to be more dependent than are we. Thus, family bonds are stronger-
people live closer together and derive mutual support from the closeness. Children arc expected. at
least outwardly, to do what they are told. (They are allowed their childhood.) Babysitting is not a
BMeCTe TecHo, a cKy'IHO.
Crowded when together, but lonesome when apart.
I . A deri stve description of those so cheap that they' ll onl y away somethi ng tht:y c3n'1 use
4 CONDUCT'