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ONE
Some people say I'm precocious. 1hey say iI mainly because
Ihey Ihink I know diILculI words Ior a liIIle boy. Some oI
Ihe diILculI words I know are: sordid, disasIrous, immacu-
laIe, paIheIic and devasIaIing. 1here aren'I really IhaI many
people who say I'm precocious. 1he problem is I don'I know
IhaI many people. I know maybe IhirIeen or IourIeen people,
and Iour oI Ihem say I'm precocious. 1hey say I look older.
Or Ihe oIher way around: IhaI I'm Ioo liIIle Io know words
like IhaI. Or back-Io-IronI and Ihe oIher way around, some-
Iimes people Ihink I'm a dwarI. BuI I don'I Ihink I'm pre-
cocious. WhaI happens is I have a Irick, like magicians who
pull rabbiIs ouI oI haIs, excepI I pull words ouI oI Ihe dicIion-
ary. Fvery nighI beIore I go Io sleep I read Ihe dicIionary. My
memory, which is really good, pracIically devasIaIing, does
Ihe resI. YolcauI doesn'I Ihink I'm precocious eiIher. He says
I'm a genius, he Iells me:
`1ochIli, you're a genius, you liIIle basIard.'
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And he sIrokes my head wiIh his Lngers covered in gold
and diamond rings.
Anyway, more people say I'm odd: seven. And jusI be-
cause I really like haIs and always wear one. Wearing a haI
is a good habiI immaculaIe people have. In Ihe sky Ihere are
pigeons doing Iheir business. II you don'I wear a haI you end
up wiIh a dirIy head. Pigeons have no shame. 1hey do Iheir
dirIy business in IronI oI everyone, while Ihey're ßying. 1hey
could easily do iI hidden in Ihe branches oI a Iree. 1hen we
wouldn'I have Io spend Ihe whole Iime looking aI Ihe sky
and worrying abouI our heads. BuI haIs, iI Ihey're good haIs,
can also be used Io make you look disIinguished. 1haI is, haIs
are like Ihe crowns oI kings. II you're noI a king you can wear
a haI Io be disIinguished. And iI you're noI a king and you
don'I wear a haI you end up being a nobody.
I don'I Ihink I'm odd Ior wearing a haI. And oddness is
relaIed Io ugliness, like CinIeoIl says. WhaI I deLniIely am is
macho. For example: I don'I cry all Ihe Iime because I don'I
have a mum. II you don'I have a mum you're supposed Io cry
a loI, gallons oI Iears, Iwo or Ihree gallons a day. BuI I don'I
cry, because people who cry are IaggoIs. When I'm sad Yol-
cauI Iells me noI Io cry, he says:
`Chin up, 1ochIli, Iake iI like a man.'
YolcauI is my daddy, buI he doesn'I like iI when I call
him Daddy. He says we're Ihe besI and mosI macho gang Ior
aI leasI eighI kilomeIres. YolcauI is a realisI and IhaI's why
he doesn'I say we're Ihe besI gang in Ihe universe or Ihe besI
gang Ior 8,000 kilomeIres. RealisIs are people who Ihink real-
iIy isn'I how you Ihink iI is. YolcauI Iold me IhaI. RealiIy is
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like Ihis and IhaI's iI. 1ough luck. 1he realisI's IavouriIe say-
ing isyou have Io be realisIic.
I Ihink we really are a very good gang. I have prooI. Cangs
are all abouI solidariIy. So solidariIy means IhaI, because I
like haIs, YolcauI buys me haIs, loIs oI haIs, so many IhaI I
have a collecIion oI haIs Irom all over Ihe world and Irom all
Ihe diIIerenI periods oI Ihe world. AlIhough now more Ihan
new haIs whaI I wanI is a Iiberian pygmy hippopoIamus. I've
already wriIIen iI down on Ihe lisI oI Ihings I wanI and given
iI Io MizIli. 1haI's how we always do iI, because I don'I go ouI
much, so MizIli buys me all Ihe Ihings I wanI on orders Irom
YolcauI. And since MizIli has a really bad memory I have Io
wriIe lisIs Ior him. BuI you can'I buy a Iiberian pygmy hippo-
poIamus IhaI easily, in a peI shop. 1he biggesI Ihing Ihey sell
in a peI shop is a dog. BuI who wanIs a dog' No one wanIs a
dog. II's so hard Io geI a Iiberian pygmy hippopoIamus IhaI
iI mighI be Ihe only way Io do iI is by going Io caIch one
in Iiberia. 1haI's why my Iummy is hurIing so much. AcIu-
ally my Iummy always hurIs, buI recenIly I've been geIIing
cramps more oIIen.
I Ihink aI Ihe momenI my liIe is a liIIle biI sordid. Or
paIheIic.
I nearly always geI on well wiIh MazaIzin. He only annoys me
when he's sIricI and makes me sIick Io our sIudy plan rigid-
ly. MazaIzin, by Ihe way, doesn'I call me 1ochIli. He calls me
Usagi, which is my name in japanese, because he loves eve-
ryIhing Irom Ihe empire oI japan. WhaI I really like abouI