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PUMPKIN FACE

a little play for 3 characters by Larry Goodell

Copyright 2011 Larry Goodell !" duende digital book 2011 po box 571 placitas, new mexico 87043 USA larrygood@comcast.net

PUMPKIN FACE

Characters: Blind Darth (low threatening voice) Harold Hypertensia (higher normal voice) Ballyhoo (high pretentious female voice) (pumpkin on table with face carved on one side, blank side toward audience, Blind Darth, wearing dark glasses, black lines on cheeks) BLIND DARTH: HAROLD: BLIND DARTH: HAROLD. Harold. Yes, Blind Darth. Should we kill the pumpkins? They have a way of killing themselves on the vine. Why Bother. But if nobody had pumpkins theyd appreciate life more. But think of all the things we dont have and that hasnt made us appreciate life any more. Theres the Cormorant Bandyhootch thats extinct. And the Rock Marble Opera Snitch. Yes that went out like puked fish. And the determined metaphor that gets into writing. And the Bandyhootch! Here Bandy, here Bandy, here Bandy Hootch! Hootch! Hootch! He wont come any more after they neutered him.

BLIND DARTH.

HAROLD.

BLIND DARTH. HAROLD. BLIND DARTH. HAROLD.

BLIND DARTH.

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HAROLD.

You see Blind Darth all these forms of life and many more have left us. Life is cheap. We dont appreciate it any more. We just keep on losing it. But to not have a pumpkin for Thanksgiving, Halloween! No pumpkin pie. I like squash pie better anyway. And there are always masks. But Halloween without a pumpkin face is unthinkable. A warm pumpkin face glowing in the night. Witches and goblins. And E.E. Cummings hes dead, they dont make em like him any more. Good old E.E. He broke the barriers of a lot of modern poetry. But his species isnt extinct. I want to eliminate pumpkins as Blind Darth, go around the world stamping out the vines I can smell them and with my oracular vision I can keep from bumping into things. Blind Darth, youre being very destructive just sitting there thinking about it with your AnarchistCookbook throwing all cares to the wind how can we be avant-garde if were going to be destructive you dont destroy, you create in its place.
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BLIND DARTH.

HAROLD.

BLIND DARTH.

HAROLD.

BLIND DARTH. HAROLD.

In whats place. Create something in its place in the place of the thing you want to destroy. Create something that will make people appreciate life more. Thats an idea, but its got to be a shock. The shock of appreciate-the-wave-of-discovery-and-connection. Yes, why not this time create something you can put beside a pumpkin that people will like, something more beautiful than a pumpkin some thing. (jumps up) Some fruit! Wait! a new vegetable. An entirely new vegetable as lovable as the schmoos those adorable little edible pets, but this new pet vegetable will be real right on your table. Yes! How nice of you to take my suggestion on just this one time, You see, it could be great! Its not that its less destructive, but that its better! It wont upset the pumpkin sect. Well even win them over to our new pet vegetable And then, youll destroy the pumpkin I knew it.
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BLIND DARTH.

HAROLD.

BLIND DARTH.

HAROLD.

BLIND DARTH.

HAROLD.

Its hard living with you, visionary and destructive as you are BLIND DARTH. Harold, its in my nature but I destroy only in the hopes of narrowing peoples visions on greater love of life seeing what I see under the death, the sickness, the warping of lifes dreams. Seeing what you see has made you what you are those black lines down your cheeks your blindness everything black. Harold Hypertensia, its not all black I was just telling you the warm current under if you could only see it as I do. People must be taught and I and the lackluster ladies will do it. Are doing it, have been trying to do it. We used to do it years ago during human kinds most primitive they call it phase human kinds most highly developed primitive phase and I was in many phases the dark side of the underbelly of the moon. The laughing lackluster, my lackluster ladies have slowly stayed alive and grown but wait Harold! My best friend will be here soon anytime.
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HAROLD.

BLIND DARTH.

HAROLD. BLIND DARTH.

Anytime? Ballyhoo I havent seen her in so long. She will help me create the worlds most lovable vegetable (laughs connivingly) that pet vegetable that will restore the focus of worth, values, place, neighborly relationships (sarcastic) to Earth, to America, my country or is it smoke smoke from flares the ancient heart is beating. Oh Aztec Mayan Inca heart. Heart of your garden this courtyard delight. This golden new death to crime in the streets cancer, profusion of stupidity and lack of conversational logic. Mistrust rife, nothing but strained humor. This lovely pet will kill all that out, rot it back. Ballyhoo! Ballyhoo! I need you Ballyhoo! (Loud knock at door & door opens Ballyhoo rushes in)

BALLYHOO.

Now we get the Icelandic ice behind us! Hi Harold. Hi Blind Darth. Ballyhoo! The Icelandic ice is behind us! Its warming all our coddles & cuddles & cockles! And I want to create a new vegetable!
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BLIND DARTH. BALLYHOO.

BLIND DARTH.

BALLYHOO.

Oh my what a pablum dillydoo Oh my what Oh my what Oh my what a pablum dilly doo. You black marked jowled friend you. You bearer of the original Icelandic Ice behind us. The company that produces our poles! Now you present us with warm atmosphere. Pumpkins, pumpkins, theres nothing wrong with pumpkins. Ill jump up & down to promote a new veggie star to replace the lowly pumpkin? No, no, no, no manipulation is needed at all: youve gone too far! Veggie Star, genetic super wonder. No, keep us sane with pumpkins on the plain. Oh Ill sing & rip the drum heads blast the trumpets off their roots tootle toot for the . . . pumpkin if thats what you want.

BLIND DARTH.

HAROLD.

BALLYHOO.

HAROLD.

BLIND DARTH. HAROLD. BALLYHOO.

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BLIND DARTH.

No! Youll tootle toot for the genetic star veggie wonder, roots that kill any pests or rot & rust. Thats what youll toot in the garden of tomorrow. The pumpkin needs no ballyhoo no artificial praise. Get outta here, genetic footprint on your ass. I want my new veggie wonder plastic plump veggie, lives forever on the shelves and never dies of mold. But will sell like hell! Ring the bell, blast the pods Ill sing anything you say if you pay, if you pay. Get the hell outta here my natural foot at your rear my knees at your spine, out, out leave the pumpkin Earth alone & let us garden in it without your witchs pit of false doctrine and your conniving evil pseudo science shit of destruction, your caustic black spit! No Ballyhoo, out! No pumpkin killer, out! (kicks & knees them out, turns pumpkin around so smiling face shows) The face back on the pumpkin is smiling at the human race.

HAROLD.

BLIND DARTH.

BALLYHOO.

HAROLD.

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END

Pumpkin Face written in 1981 but then last part added december of 2007

!" duende digital book 2011 po box 571 placitas, new mexico 87043 larrygood & comcast.net USA

PUMPKIN FACE

a little play for 3 characters by Larry Goodell