THE BIG LEBOWSKI SCRIPT by Ethan Coen & Joel Coen

male voices affable,

We are floating up a steep scrubby slope.

We hear

gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles

at

twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S

tracking at the relaxed

It is late, the supermarket all but deserted.

We are

in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and

manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. examining their He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. quart of The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. next to with A small black-and white TV

her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something

at mustache.

the little customer's lectern.

Milk beads his

VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. side and The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER

...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR or RALPH'S There are only two

Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. three cars parked in the huge lot.

VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. lot. apron and milk. night. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE bungalow small the door. The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a He awkwardly hugs

leatherette satchel in the other.

grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an

armpit. room, body. piece leaving a

We track with him as he is rushed through the living his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a

small of

bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece

Lemme take another look. back the toilet. Lebowski! The hands haul him out again. Lebowski. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn. SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh. His head is plunged back in. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and against flops him over so that he sits on the floor. VOICE Where's the money. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Bunny blubbers and Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats. VOICE Don't fuck with us. VOICE We want that money. He starts peeing on the rug. it's down there somewhere. Lebowski. dripping and gasping. said you were good for it. that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to floor. His head is plunged into the toilet. Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. The Dude blows bubbles. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. VOICE Where's the money. .paper toilet the doorframe. The Dude gasps for air. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug.

DUDE Look. tile. man. Bunny? DUDE Look. I'm the Dude. moron. man. You got the wrong guy. DUDE Don't do-You see what BLOND MAN You see what happens? happens. Yeah? WOO BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a . BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! out a superstitious The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. Oh. takes out a joint and lights it. Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets. He pulls bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a native.The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. Bunny. nobody calls me Lebowski.

WOO The two men look at each other. Hey. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big . DUDE At least I'm housebroken. WOO Fuck.millionaire? Uh? They both look around. shots--pins lanes. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot. as the credits end over a clattering strike. MAN Hot damn. balls gliding down sliding feet. coming from a jukebox. Mark it. They turn to leave. ponytail A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. Dude. I'm throwin' rocks tonight. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. etc. fingers sliding into fingerholes. The blond man turns testily at the door. graceful releases. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. bowlers hoisting balls. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. ball return spinning ball. distant The music turns into boomy source music. up a Music and head credits play over various bowling flying. finger The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one and peeks over them. asshole.

WALTER This was a valued rug. Walter? WALTER . the strike-scoring bowler. also holding a large plastic cup of Bud. some of its foam on his mustache. sleeves He nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark Hairy legs emerge from his khaki He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the cut off over an old bowling shirt.man worried shorts. uh. Donny. He elaborately clears his throat. uh-DUDE Yeah man. The Dude. Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story. squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. DONNY What tied the room together. Donny? DONNY What-WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-WALTER So you have no frame of reference. eyes and a goatee. WALTER This was. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-DUDE What's your point. it really tied the room together-WALTER This was a valued. This is Walter. enters and sits next wears Walter. Donny.

uh--and also. You're out of your element. . Across this line you do not. this is not a guy who built the rail. so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? My rug. Dude. AsianAmerican. this is a guy who peed on my-WALTER What the fuck are you-DUDE Walter. Donny. DUDE Walter. what's your point? Huh? WALTER DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault. Dude. . Please.There's no fucking reason--here's my point. he peed on my rug-DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue. DUDE WALTER Forget it. Dude--there's no fucking reason-DONNY Yeah Walter. Chinaman is not the preferred. I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand. . DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug.roads. Dude. uh. here.

this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. Dude! That's your DUDE Yeah. . this is the guy. The millionaire. uh. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. from Variety Clubs . did it not? Fuckin' A. And he has the wealth. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE in silver We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved to reveal that the plaque. and there is no reason. these two . I could find this Lebowski guy-DONNY His name is Lebowski? name. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two. no FUCKING reason. but-Am I wrong! Yeah.So who-- DUDE WALTER Jeff Lebowski. but-DUDE DUDE WALTER WALTER Okay. DUDE DONNY And this guy peed on it. why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. uh. the resources obviously. Come on. uh. That rap really tied the room together. Am I wrong? No. they pee on your fucking Rug. He elaborately clears his throat. Donny! WALTER Please! DUDE Yeah. That. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude. .

YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award. Lebowski on the right. and offscreen: certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena. yes. DUDE Yes. Mr. is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. feel free to inspect them. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. DUDE I'm not really. et cetera. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. uh. You can see the various commendations. YOUNG MAN Please! DUDE We are panning the walls. YOUNG MAN Please. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic. honorary degrees. somebody especially-DUDE Hey. looking at various citations . DUDE Uh-huh. which Mr.International. uh. uh. Lebowski with the first lady. honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. taken when-DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course. very impressive. Please! Uh-huh. which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy.

We were very-Are these. so Mr. racially pretty cool-YOUNG MAN They're not his. they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers. yes. DUDE Think he's got room for one . DUDE YOUNG MAN These are Mr. huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. yes? Not of California. so to speak-DUDE Different mothers. uh. Lebowski is disabled. Jeez. Reagan was first lady of the nation. yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President. though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. they're not literally his children. inner-city children of promise but without the-I see.Mrs. huh? No. they-YOUNG MAN DUDE I guess he's pretty. DUDE Far out. Reagan on the left. heh-heh. Lebowski's children. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. DUDE YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education.

He groin. heh-YOUNG MAN DUDE --and bowling. Brandt. DUDE Well sir. So does Brandt. LEBOWSKI Okay sir.more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. um. you're a Lebowski. it's this rug I have. Dude. You never went to college? DUDE Well. breaking into the ROTC-Yes.--Jeez! Fuck me! framed LEBOWSKI we the Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A ACHIEVER? Oddly. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. yeah I did. administration buildings-YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-DUDE --smoking thai-stick. turns to look. The wearing shorts and a bowling shirt. him as Brandt withdraws. that's terrific. but I spent most of my time occupying various. I'll tell you the truth. I'm a Lebowski. the Dude's sunglassed face is on it. I don't remember most of it. realize that. display is mirrored. really tied the room togetherThe Dude sits facing . wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. the young man we've been listening to. under the magazine's logo and headline.

you know. I'm not Mr. these two guys.LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone. sir-every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city. Lebowski. sir? . He told me. I'm just-LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed. Woo peed on the rug-LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this. I have to compensate the-DUDE Come on. I'm the Dude. you're Mr. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean. they were trying to-LEBOWSKI I'll say it again. did you personally come and pee on my-LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. man. he told me. or Duder. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you. you're not into the whole brevity thing-LEBOWSKI Are you employed. if. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no. Lebowski? DUDE Look. like I said. I'm not trying to scam anybody here. That. Or El Duderino. let me explain something. all right? You told Brandt. His Dudeness. I know what happened. So that's what you call me. Lebowski. Mr.

but if she doesn't. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs. I do mind. Ah fuck it. which is ample. DUDE LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. not mine. this will not stand. Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- . I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance. The Dude rises.My advice is. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. so if you don't mind-DUDE No. some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. only you can. LEBOWSKI . if your wife owes-LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. Mr. just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. sir. I can't solve your problems. sir. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work.. man. This will not stand. The Dude minds. do what your parents did! Get a job. I mean.. just as your rug is your problem. ya know.do you hear me. sir! The bums will always lose-.Employed? DUDE LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. that will be her problem. look.

her Tracking toward the pool. DUDE Yeah sure. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you. uh. She is in her early . Brandt BRANDT How was your meeting. leaning forward to paint her toenails. Mr. DUDE It's the LeBaron. THE DUDE Looking. is approaching. Dude. if I'm ever in the neighborhood. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. Brandt and the Dude follow. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW it. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down swimming a stone walk that winds through the back lawn. past a pool to a garage. The old man told me to take any rug in the house.find The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to himself-HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. need to use the john. enjoy. A young woman sits facing back to us. BRANDT Well. Dude. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. in the Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair pool. CLOSER TRACK painting the Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes nails emerald green. and perhaps we'll see you again some time.

an whiskey bottle bobs. next to it. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. . G'ahead. YOUNG WOMAN Blow. with long stringy blond wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket. skin. . Lebowski. I can't blow that far. . BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along. in his thirties.twenties. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. exposing fine blond chest hair and pale One arm trails off into the water. DUDE You sure he won't mind? He hair. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. Mrs. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. is thin. He's a nihilist. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. shirtless. open. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. empty He The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. Practicing? DUDE The young woman smiles. The Dude looks over at the pool.

Walter. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. If you will it. We're all very fond of her. Or he BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! to that As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers-shares the lane. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Very free-spirited. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. DUDE Your maples. Carl.The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away. still looking at the young woman. over his He continues to lead away the Dude. has to pay a hundred. WALTER Way to go. who looks back SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. just arriving. it . Dude. is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other.

Cynthia's Pomeranian. He's not gonna take your fucking turn. man. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu. If you will it. scoots wagging He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. it is no-DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. Dude. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-WALTER I'm saying. secondly. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. you don't have an ex. Dude. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. I'd tell her to go fuck herself. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. Dude. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. around the bowling table. DUDE Hey. sniffing at bowlers and its tail. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all.is no dream. You can't It .

Gimme the marker. Bullshit. WALTER Smokey my friend. This determines who enters the next roundrobin. but I wasn't over. WALTER This is a league game. Dude. Dude. its hair falls out. Walter takes out a gun. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. Smokey! That's a foul. This is bowling. SMOKEY Bullshit. am I wrong? Yeah. WALTER Mark it zero. DUDE Hey Walter-SMOKEY WALTER . Smokey Huh? WALTER WALTER Over the line. but-Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah. I'm marking it an eight. you're entering a world of pain. There are rules. Excuse me! SMOKEY Eight. DUDE Hey man-WALTER Fucking dog has papers. DUDE Come on Walter. Next frame. So his toe slipped over a little. It gets upset. Dude. it's just--it's Smokey.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. it's just a game. I'm sorry.board it.

you're entering a world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude. SMOKEY I'm not-WALTER A world of pain. DUDE Walter.WALTER Mark that frame an eight. you should-Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. SMOKEY There it is! It's fucking He points frantically at the score projected above the SMOKEY You happy. high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. they're calling the cops. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! All right! zero! lane. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! making The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow. I don't hold with this. The Pomeranian . you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game. put the piece away. This guy is your partner.

you're just an asshole. trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty DUDE Walter. I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. Not in Nam. am I wrong? DUDE No. WALTER You know Dude. DUDE . you can't do that. Smokey was a conscientious objector. just take it easy. These guys're like me. Well. I did not know that. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. WALTER Okay then. they're pacificists.carrier. And we do enter the next round-robin. Walter. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-pacifism is not something to hide behind. you're not wrong-Am I wrong! WALTER DUDE You're not wrong. Walter. Dude. DUDE Just. it's water under the bridge. WALTER That's your answer to everything. They'll be pushovers. of course-DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile.

Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. Yeah? DUDE Wavin' a gun around?!

WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE beatA large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's up old furniture. mixing At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-Shit! DUDE

VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski

with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR balding jeans. It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. Yeah, okay. DUDE

BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very

much like to see you. It's Brandt. TRACKING

Thank you.

back

We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The

music hauntedly

washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. around. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? Dude. Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? Sure. DUDE That and a pair of testicles. DUDE LEBOWSKI

. LEBOWSKI You're joking. Bums. DUDE GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. 'Scuse me? DUDE teartracks on LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. LEBOWSKI As you can see.stare. DUDE LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. NONSTUFF. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. it is Sent by cowards. lost Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted in thought. . their names. NO FUNNY a ransom note. . Strong men also cry. . He turns back around and the firelight shows his cheeks. sir? Fuckin' A. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. . But perhaps you're right. Are you surprised at my tears. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. Bummer. who are unable field of play. Men to achieve on a level Men who will not sign Weaklings. She is the light of my life. CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. and Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard hands it to the Dude.

BOWLING PINS CRASH--scattered by a strike. . uh. disconfirm that suspicion. sitting next to Walter in the molded plastic chairs. thin. uh. DUDE So he thinks it's the carpet-pissers.Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. and you're in a unique position to confirm or. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier once we get instructions for the money. we just don't know. fire. soiled your rug. length of displaying stretch We are looking across the the bowling alley at a tall. is hushed: BRANDT Mr. the He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the Brandt tugs at the Dude's shirt and points him back to hall. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. HALLWAY voice The soprano's singing is once again faint. man? DUDE Brandt's BRANDT He suspects that the culprits might be the very people who. Why me. huh? BRANDT Well Dude. FAST TRACK IN On the Dude. He wears an all-in-one dacron-polyester bowling outfit with a racing stripe down each side. Hispanic bowler perfect form. in slow motion. The Dude is staring off towards the bowler. WIDER Still in slow motion.

DONNY What's a pederast. DUDE Huh. Dude. With a record. WALTER When he moved down to Venice he had to go door-to-door to tell everyone he's a pederast. The door swings open and a beer-swilling middle-aged man looks dully out at Quintana. zinging walking up a stoop in a residential neighborhood and the bell. FLASHBACK We see Quintana. Huh? DUDE WALTER The man is a sex offender. man-BACK TO THE BOWLER Walter's Displaying great slow-motion form as the Dude and conversation continues over.DUDE Fucking Quintana--that creep can roll. Stitched above the breast pocket of his all-in-one is . who looks hesitantly up. Spent six months in Chino for exposing himself to an eightyear-old. PINS scattered by a strike. but he's a fucking pervert. WALTER Yeah. Donny. Walter? WALTER Shut the fuck up. The VOICE-OVER conversation continues. QUINTANA wheeling and thrusting a black gloved fist into the air. in pressed jeans and a stretchy sweater.

Marries a guy for money but figures so . He slips a little black box out of his shirt pocket. BACK TO WALTER AND THE DUDE They have been joined by Donny. Dude? DUDE I figure it's easy money. WALTER Huh? DONNY What do you mean. Anyway. And of course I still keep the rug. I mean look at it.. DONNY What's wrong with Walter.. I mean she probably kidnapped herself. WALTER Just for making the hand-off? DUDE Yeah. Dude? DUDE Rug-peers did not do this. WALTER How much they offer you? DUDE Twenty grand.They gave Dude a beeper. you miserable piece of shit. whenever these guys call-WALTER What if it's during a game? DUDE I told him if it was during league play-Donny has been watching Quintana.his first name. Young trophy wife. DONNY If what's during league play? WALTER Life does not stop and start at your convenience. "Jesus". DUDE . it's all pretty harmless.

owes money all over town-WALTER That. what do you care. you know. It's your roll. Lenin! DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? WALTER That's fucking exactly what happened. Walter. you know what I'm trying to say-DONNY I am the Walrus. WALTER That fucking bitch! DUDE Yeah. why is Walter so pissed off? WALTER Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing-. . there isn't any connection. well. DONNY I am the Walrus. WALTER Shut the fuck up. And you will. uh. WALTER Well. you'll.fucking. Walter? DONNY Yeah Dude.bitch! She DUDE It's all a goddamn fake... Like Lenin said. Dude! That makes me fucking SICK! DUDE Yeah. face it. look for the person who will benefit.he isn't giving her enough.I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet-DUDE I don't see any connection to Vietnam. DUDE Walter. Dude.I. uh... Donny! Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov! V. there isn't a literal connection.

man. your opinion.WALTER Have it your way. Over his polyester all-in-one he now wears windbreaker with a racing stripe and "Jesus" stitched breast. . Deos mio. Dude. QUINTANA I see you rolled your way into the semis. DUDE Yeah well. Walter nods sadly. a short fat Irishman with tufted red QUINTANA You said it. DUDE the lanes. VOICE Are you ready to be fucked. Nobody fucks with the Jesus. man. looks down at them from the lip of a on the ball his hair. you flash a piece out on the lanes. Quintana looks at Walter. He is holding a fancy black-and-red leather Behind him stands satchel (perhaps a Sylvia Wein). we're gonna fuck you up. Jesus. man? They both look up. bendeco. that's just. like. QUINTANA Let me tell you something. O'Brien. ya know. man. Jesus walks away. Seamus and me. on his way out. WALTER Eight-year-olds. Quintana. partner. You pull any your crazy shit with us. The point is-DUDE It's your roll-WALTER The fucking point is-DUDE It's your roll. I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger til it goes "click".

riding on the outpacing Dude's rug like a sheik on a magic carpet. us. city speed. his hear A million stars explode against a field of black. He screams. On its impact with the pins. He looks up. head The sap catches the Dude on the chin and sends thunking back onto the rug. that a bowling ball has materialized in his forward His bemusement turns to concern over the aerodynamic implications just as the ball seems to suddenly assume She is . tinnily through the headphones we can just hear an intermittent clatter. VENICE hall the The Dude absently licks his lips as we faintly hear a rumbling down the lane. Leaking His eyes are closed. Next to her a young in paint-spattered denims stoops and swings something the carrier. the "La-la-la-la" of The Man in Me. man towards A blonde woman looms over him. The Dude does a couple of lazy crawl strokes and then notices hand. growing smaller. We rug.DUDE'S BUNGALOW We are looking down at the Dude who is prone on the rug. He wears a Walkman headset. the wind whipping his hair and billowing bowling shirt. In his outflung hand lies a cassette case labeled BEACH LEAGUE PLAYOFFS 1987. Dude opens his eyes. moving below us at great The Dude is flying over the city. in his of The black field dissolves into the pattern of the the The rug rolls away to reveal an aerial view of Los Angeles at twilight. Ahead the mysterious blonde woman wings away. his arms thrown out front of him.

us once again in black. overtaking us. From a high angle we see the Dude hurtling toward the city. Dull They are glints off the surface of an oncoming bowling ball. down a trapped in The black rolls away and we are spinning--spinning bowling lane--our point of view that of someone the thumbhole of the rolling ball. and him after is falling. performing her follow-through. he zooms past the camera leaving us We hear a distant rumble. It is the and floor. ball. ceiling.its it.. again and again. A reverse looking up shows the Dude hurtling horror. insistent beeping. pins We hit the pins and clatter into blackness. engulfing The largest--thumb--hole rolls directly over us. Floor spins up at us and then away. blonde We see the receding bowler spinning away. spin. hit each other and drop. mass toward The gleaming ball shows three dead black holes rolling us --finger holes. The Dude looks up. his eyes wide with the bowling black. and the gleaming bowling ball is being regurgitated up at us. woman. dragged by the ball. abruptly snapping his arm down. FADE IN We hear . We pull back to reveal that the blackness was the inside of a ball return. like thunder. We hear an irritating. its rolling a huge shadow across his face. ceiling spins up away. approaching pins. up at the looming ball. the length of the alley with pins at the end. us toward Led by in out of the inky sky. reflections shiny materialize in the darkness. He down weight. up.

the headset of now askew. WIDE ON THE ROOM furniture is An end table is upset. marble Brandt throws Again there is a look at distant wrist to his watch. continue. fades faint. the beeps. but otherwise the He raises himself onto his elbows and massages red lump on his jaw. upside down. but filtered and They come from the Dude's Walkman. They have reached the little desk outside of the big Lebowski's office. with one arm off his ear. The Dude looks around. out a We push Brandt down the familiar aria. BRANDT They called about eighty minutes ago. The phone starts to jangle. The rug is gone. not rug. They were very clear on that: one person only. nothin'. hardwood floor. His head is now resting DUDE Oh man. The beeper on his belt is blinking red in sync with the continuing irritating in place. you know. Brandt opens its bottom drawer with a key . As the Dude opens his eyes we spiral slowly upward to put against him right side around. They'll call you on the portable phone with instructions in about forty minutes. One person only or I'd go with you. What happened to your jaw? DUDE Oh. which is As the picture in the bowling noises continue. The bowling sounds The beeps continue.We are close on the Dude. They want you to take the money and drive north on the 4 5. TRACK hallway.

Though he is wearing khaki shorts and fact that he holds a battered brown briefcase makes oddly like a commuter. don't say that. DUDE Oh. The Dude takes the briefcase and slides over. and the phone. the him look shape bundled in brown wrapping paper. Lebowski asked me to repeat that: Her life is in your hands.Dude case. driving. DUDE BRANDT Her life is in your hands. Dude. BRANDT Mr. I'll drive. WALTER Take the ringer. man.. DUDE Shit. Please. and takes out an attache case. Dude! they called yet? Have . Dude. DUDE'S CAR We pan off the Dude. The what? DUDE WALTER The ringer! The ringer. And report back to us as soon as it's done. BRANDT Her life is in your hands. follow whatever instructions they give. The headlights play over Walter standing waiting in front of the storefront of SOBCHAK SECURITY. to his point of view through the front windshield. He hands this to the along with a cellular phone in a battery-pack carrying BRANDT Here's the money. Uh-huh. The car stops in front of him and he opens the Dude's door and hands in the briefcase. He also holds an irregular shirt.

DUDE Walter--what the fuck are you thinking? WALTER Well you're right. Dude. I got to thinking. The weight. Dude. but-The phone chirps. This isn't a fucking game. DUDE Agh-He closes the briefcase. I'm sure there's a reason you brought your dirty undies-WALTER Thaaaat's right. Dude--she kidnapped herself-DUDE ' Yeah. Dude grabs it. DUDE Walter. Walter-WALTER It is a fucking game. Laundry. DUDE Dude here. is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million. Am I wrong? DUDE Yes you're wrong. You said so yourself. The ringer can't look empty. DUDE What the hell is this? WALTER My dirty undies.through it The Dude opens the briefcase and paws bemusedly as the car starts rolling. The whites. Dude. VOICE (German accent) . I got to thinking why should we settle for a measly fucking twenty grand-DUDE We? What the fuck we? You said you just wanted to come along-WALTER My point. Dude.

Who is this? DUDE Dude the Bagman. us to go? ...Us? DUDE not the VOICE Where do you want

Shit. . . Uh, yeah, you know, me and the driver.

I'm

handling the money and driving the car and talking on phone all by my fucking-VOICE Shut the fuck up. (Beat) Hello? DUDE Yeah? VOICE Okay, listen-Walter looks over at the Dude and bellows: WALTER Dude, are you fucking this up? Who is that? VOICE

DUDE The driver man, I told you-Click. Dial tone. Oh shit. DUDE Walter.

WALTER What the fuck is going on there? DUDE They hung up, Walter! You fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands! WALTER Easy, Dude. DUDE We're screwed now! We don't get shit and they're gonna kill her! We're fucked, Walter! WALTER Dude, nothing is fucked. Come on.

You're being very unDude. They'll call back. Look, she kidnapped her-The phone chirps. WALTER Ya see? Nothing is fucked up here, Dude. Nothing is fucked. These guys are fucking amateurs-DUDE Shutup, Walter! Don't fucking say peep when I'm doing business here. WALTER (patronizing) Okay Dude. Have it your way. The Dude unclips the phone from the battery pack. WALTER But they're amateurs. The Dude glares at Walter. DUDE Dude here. VOICE Okay, vee proceed. is no funny stuff. Yeah. DUDE But only if there Into the phone:

VOICE So no funny stuff.

Okay?

DUDE Hey, just tell me where the fuck you want us to go. A HIGHWAY SIGN: SIMI VALLEY ROAD

It flashes by in the headlights of the roaring car. DUDE That was the sign. Walter wrestles the car onto the two-lane road. WALTER Yeah. So as long as we get her back, nobody's in a position to complain. And we keep the baksheesh. DUDE Terrific, Walter. But you haven't told me how we get her back. Where is she?

WALTER That's the simple part, Dude. When we make the handoff, I grab the guy and beat it out of him. He looks at the Dude. WALTER ...Huh? DUDE Yeah. That's a great plan, Walter. That's fucking ingenious, if I understand it correctly. That's a Swiss fucking watch. WALTER Thaaat's right, Dude. The beauty of this is its simplicity. If the plan gets too complex something always goes wrong. If there's one thing I learned in Nam-The phone chirps. DUDE Dude. VOICE You are approaching a vooden britch. When you cross it you srow ze bag from ze left vindow of ze moving kar. Do not slow down. Vee vatch you. Click. Dial tone. DUDE FUCK. WALTER What'd he say? Where's the handoff? DUDE There is no fucking hand-off, Walter! At a wooden bridge we throw the money out of the car! WALTER Huh? DUDE We throw the money out of the moving car! Walter stares dumbly for a beat. WALTER We can't do that, Dude. up our plan. That fucks

DUDE Walter! WALTER Your wheel. Walter reaches one arm across Dude's grab the laundry. Dude! Chop-chop! DUDE Fuck that! I love you. Walter. briefcase from body to Here's There is the bump and new steady of the car on the The Dude is twisting around to pull the money the back seat. He flings it out the window. huh? DUDE I'm throwing the money. . Walter! Your plan is so fucking simple. Dude. Walter! We're not fucking around! WALTER The bridge is coming up! Gimme the ringer. No time to argue. And there goes the ringer. grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! The uzi! Uzi? DUDE Walter points across the seat at the paper-wrapped bundle. I'm sure they'd fucking understand it! That's the beauty of it Walter! WALTER Wooden bridge. WALTER Okay. Dude! I'm rolling out! DUDE What the fuck? WALTER Your wheel! At fifteen em-pee-aitch I roll out! I double back.DUDE Well call them up and explain it to 'em. the bridge-bridge. but sooner or later you're gonna have to face the fact that you're a goddamn moron.

WALTER Fifteen! This is it. OUTSIDE money. The body saps out. Dude! take that hill! as he the Dude. takes the wheel. OUTSIDE The car clunks and screams around in a skid. please-out Walter has flung open his door and is leaning halfway over the road. The car swerves and lurches and cursing. WE HAVE IT! DUDE WE HAVE IT!! A motorcycle bumps up There is a distant engine roar.WALTER You didn't think I was rolling out of here naked! DUDE Walter. an As the Dude struggles out holding the satchel of front of his car is crumpled into a tree. onto . INSIDE The Dude is thrown forward as the car hits something. Let's Walter rolls out with his parcel. OUTSIDE TAT!--muzzle Walter tumbles onto the shoulder and--RAT-TAT-TATflashes tear open the wrapping paper. The car back to the left. giving a loud grunt hits the pavement. The Dude runs up the road toward the bridge. frantically waving the satchel in the air. INSIDE THE CAR The car rocks and the Dude wrestles with the wheel. where the rear wheel has been shot WALTER is just rising from the ground massaging injured knee.

BOWLING LANE A ball rumbles in to scatter ten pins. DUDE What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the fuck're we gonna tell Lebowski? WALTER Huh? Oh.the road from the ravine under the bridge and. He turns from the lane to where the Dude sits in the nook of portable molded plastic chairs. Dude. the three red tail lights fishtail away. The Dude listlessly holds the It is ringing. him. to say. um-. tires squealing. . Well I don't see. You said so yourself-DUDE No. AFTER A LONG STARING SILENCE: WALTER Ahh fuck it.what exactly is the problem? The portable phone stops ringing. let's go bowling. yeah. It is closely followed by two more roaring motorcycles. WALTER. We have it! watching The Dude and Walter stand in the middle of the road. DUDE WE HAVE IT!!. . As the ex used WALTER Aitz chaim he. Walter! I said I thought she kidnapped herself! You're the one who's so fucking certain-WALTER . DUDE Huh? The problem is--what do you mean what's the--there's no--we didn't-they're gonna kill that poor woman-WALTER What the fuck're you talking about? That poor woman--that poor slut-kidnapped herself. skids around to speed away in the opposite direction. Dude. phone in his lap.

who's in charge of scheduling? Walter-Burkhalter. Walter? DUDE DONNY . Dude. what'm I gonna tell Lebowski? WALTER I told that fuck down at the league office-. eventually she'll get sick of her little game and. % certain-- DONNY They posted the next round of the tournament-WALTER Donny. Walter? What about that poor woman? What do we tell-WALTER C'mon Dude. Walter? WALTER I'm shomer shabbas. Quintana and-WALTER Saturday! Well they'll have to reschedule. wander back-DONNY How come you don't roll on Saturday. WALTER I told that kraut a fucking thousand times I don't roll on shabbas. DUDE Walter. WALTER WELL THEY CAN FUCKING UN-POST IT! DUDE Who gives a shit. DONNY It's already posted. 1 Donny is trotting excitedly up. shut the f--when do we play? DONNY This Saturday. DONNY What's that.That's right. you know.

The Dude gets to his feet with the portable phone. we didn't make the fucking hand. Dude's car got a little dinged up-DUDE But Walter. you just tell him--well. Walter and Donny join the Dude as he walks out of the bowling alley.DUDE Yeah. how'd it go? WALTER Went alright. DONNY day of don't ride in I don't as shit DUDE Walter. if you can't ride in a car. I don't fucking a car. Hell. and in the meantime what do I tell Lebowski? WALTER Saturday is shabbas. uh." He waves both arms as if conducting a symphony orchestra. DONNY Walter. we made the hand-off. . WALTER For Christ's sake.off! They didn't get. you know-DONNY Oh yeah. I drive a car. Dude. DUDE I'm out of here. That's it. Means I don't work. WALTER Kill that poor woman. everything went. and I sure don't fucking roll! Sheesh. Jewish rest. the fucking money and they're gonna-they're gonna-WALTER Yeah yeah. turn on the oven. you tell him. "kill that poor woman. uh. how-WALTER Shomer shabbas. I don't handle money.

ringing again. DUDE It's been stolen. They're not gonna do shit. DONNY Who has your undies. Walter? You seem to know the answer to everything else! WALTER Hmm. uh. What can they do? Fuckin' amateurs. fuck it. Walter? WALTER Where's your car. Dude? DUDE You don't know. DONNY The portable . Dude-DUDE Aw. stopped at the edge of the lot. look at the bottom line. Dude? My dirty undies. stare out at an empty parking space.how d'you get around on Shammas-WALTER Really. you surprise me. where is the car? The three bowlers. it was probably towed. we were in a handicapped spot. They're not gonna kill shit. Walter? WALTER And what do they got. My fucking whites--Say. Who's sitting on a million fucking dollars? Am I wrong? DUDE Walter-WALTER Who's got a fucking million fucking dollars parked in the trunk of our car out here? DUDE "Our" car. It. And meanwhile. Dude. certainly that's a possibility. Walter! know it's been stolen! You fucking WALTER Well. phone starts The Dude walks away across the lot. Well.

Some brown. The Dude waits for the rings to end. on the couch are two uniformed policeman..Where you going. Tape deck. Couple of Creedence tapes. papers. my briefcase. DUDE 1972 Pontiac LeBaron. . Yeah. . we're working nights. DONNY Your phone's ringing. YOUNGER COP And what do you do. DUDE Thank you. rust. coloration. fingers of one hand cupped over his sunglasses. one middlethe other a fresh-faced rookie. OLDER COP . .. Dude? DUDE I'm going home. Donny. uh. sir? DUDE I'm unemployed. YOUNGER COP In the briefcase? Papers. Dude. And there was a.Most people. DUDE'S LIVING ROOM The Dude is slumped disconsolately back in his easy chair. in the Dude's lap. Donny. is chirping. my Business papers. or. uh. You know. Color? YOUNGER COP When they do: DUDE Green. DUDE Just papers. At the cut the portable phone. Facing him aged. YOUNGER COP And was there anything of value in the car? DULLY: DUDE Huh? Oh.

Lebowski. uh.Me. YOUNGER COP Your rug was in the car. DUDE . The home phone starts ringing--a ring distinct the answer kicks chirp of the portable. I don't drink coffee. The Dude taps the floor with his foot. DUDE You find them much? message Stolen cars? Leave a from The Dude makes no move to Finally the rings stop as an answering machine Dude's Voice on Machine The Dude's not in.. DUDE YOUNGER COP Separate incidents? The Dude stares at the floor. But AT LENGTH: DUDE . it's nice when they offer. on. after the beep. Dude continues to stare at a spot The older cop stares at him. It takes a minute. DUDE And the. Silence. the briefcase? Beep.. OLDER COP Snap out of it. son. Here. I wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though.. I'd like to see you.they offer us coffee. No.Also. floor.. YOUNGER COP Sometimes. it. on the There is silence. Call when you get home and I'll send . Or the Creedence tapes. FEMALE VOICE ON MACHINE Mr. my rug was stolen.

I guess we can close the file on that one. T-shirts and reach the sling shortly after it reaches the end of and haul it back for another push. and spins to watch it We see the backside of a naked woman in a sling from a ceiling track rumbling over a canvas that lies floor. murky We hear a rumble like an approaching bowling ball. The Dude.a car for you. Two sneakers its track Something huge and white hurtles towards the Dude's As it roars overhead he ducks. we'll do the blue tomorrow. young men in paint-spattered shorts. lit by industrial lights. pass. head. standing in the middle of the loft. with which she flicks paint down at the The Dude turns again as he hears running footsteps. She rumbles by in another pass. OLDER COP Well. TRACKING FORWARD downtown standing furnishings brilliant We are moving through the open living area of a large L. Dial tone. A huge unfinished canvas. All right. her sling. Lebowski. dominates one wall. Mr. Pedro. suspended on the a brush canvas. I'm the woman who took the rug. The are spare given the space. Help me down. loft. looks into the depths of the cavernous space.A. Beep. On the floor is the Dude's rug. The two men help Maude out of Elfranco. She is holding a paint bucket in one hand and in the other. My name is Maude Lebowski. She . VOICE I'll be with you in a minute.

Mr. Whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his "dick" or his "rod" or his "Johnson". yes. but it gift from me to my late mother. Mr. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Elfranco. "Johnson"? Thank you. All right. they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say.is naked breasts dominatrix except for leather and wrap look. Mr. Lebowski? . father was a give.table. . Lebowski. I know about it. And let me tell you something: the whole thing stinks to high heaven. And I know that you acted as courier. let's get down to cases. told me he's agreed to let you have the rug. Vagina. but let me explain something about that rug-MAUDE Do you like sex. As for this. "kidnapping"-Huh? DUDE My DUDE MAUDE MAUDE Yes. harness straps which ring her her thighs and give her something of a Does the female form make you uncomfor. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal. my robe. . Oh yeah? DUDE MAUDE Yes. DUDE Right. and so was not his to Now. Lebowski? DUDE Is that what that's a picture of? MAUDE In a sense. Which bothers some men. This to Elfranco. who has handed her a robe.

Our mutual acquaintance Bunny is one of these. Oh.DUDE Excuse me? MAUDE Sex. Maude. flickers to life. But unfortunately there are some people--it is called satyriasis in men. DUDE Listen. but I don't see what it has to do with--do you have any kalhua? MAUDE Take a look at this. sir. nymphomania in women--who engage in it compulsively and without joy. It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. Do you like it? DUDE I was talking about my rug. The physical act of love. Coitus. these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word. It can be a natural. no. MAUDE You're not interested in sex? DUDE You mean coitus? MAUDE I like it too. I'm sorry if your stepmother is a nympho. Lebowski. She is aiming a remote at a projection TV. zesty enterprise. DUDE MAUDE Yes Mr. A title card: JACKIE TREEHORN PRESENTS SECOND CARD: KARL HUNGUS AND BUNNY LAJOYA IN A THIRD CARD: The screen .

nihilist. verk in zese clozes-Maude switches off the set. I bring mein toolz. use the shower.LOGJAMMIN' halfway The Dude is at the bar. MAUDE (grimly) The story is ludicrous. Nein dizbatcher says zere iss problem mit deine kable. DIETER Mein nommen iss Karl. to use the parlance of our times. faced On the TV screen the door opens to reveal a sallowman in blue coyer-alls. then a From the television set we hear a doorbell ring. nor that she has been "banging" Jackie Treehorn. a bottle of kalhua frozen to his glass. The girl answering the door is Bunny Lebowski. He's a MAUDE And you recognize her. DUDE Shit. You can imagine where it goes from here. MAUDE Lord. DIETER Za. and door opening. However. Lebowski's pool. okay. DUDE He fixes the cable? MAUDE Don't be fatuous. the floater in DIETER Hello. of course. Jeffrey. I know that guy. Bunny This is my friend Shari. Is hard to She just came over to . It is Dieter. Bunny The TV is in here. Little matter to me that this woman chose to pursue a career in pornography.

the achievers. yes. the being my father. My father and I don't get along. MAUDE Thousand. DUDE Well--sure. yes. and-DUDE Shit yeah. Still. . but what about-MAUDE --your rug. DUDE A hundred. bones or clams or whatever you call them. so I'm proposing that you try to recover the money from the people you delivered it to. yes. I could do that-MAUDE If you successfully do so. I asked my father about his withdrawal of a million dollars from the Foundation account and he told me about this "abduction". fornicator is taking my father for the proverbial DUDE Yeah. And I am sorry about that crack on the jaw. This compulsive The Foundation takes youngsters from ride. I will compensate you to the tune of 1% of the recovered sum. needless to say. he doesn't approve of my lifestyle and.I am other Watts one of two trustees of the Lebowski Foundation. DUDE Yeah. I hardly wish to make my father's embezzlement a police matter. well with that money you can buy any number of rugs that don't have sentimental value for me. I don't approve of his. MAUDE Little Lebowski Urban Achievers. but myMAUDE I'm getting to your rug. but I tell you it is preposterous. and proud we are of all of them.

I was feeling really shitty earlier in the day. and thorough. I got a rash. He's a TONY Aw. which leaves milk on his mustache. I gotta tell ya Tony. He's a good man. forget about it. "My son can't hold a job. man! Fuck it! I can't be worrying about that shit. still The Dude gets out. DRIVER --So he says. and I got a rash on my ass so bad I can't hardly siddown. I was down in the dumps. I'd lost a little money. my daughter's married to a fuckin' loser.The Dude fingers his jaw. man. He takes a sip of a freshly-mixed White Russian. where the lump from the sap has all but disappeared. Fuckin' A. I hardly even-MAUDE Here's the name and number of a doctor who will look at it for you. DUDE That's really thoughtful but I-MAUDE Please see him. You will receive no bill. good man. LIMO The Dude sits in back holding a White Russian. Life goes on! The limo has rolled to a stop. Jeffrey. But you know me. . I can't complain. a man of about the same age from whose cap a ponytail emerges. DUDE Yeah. listening to livery the chauffeur. man. DUDE Oh that's okay." THROUGH RASPING LAUGHTER: DUDE Fuckin' A. and thorough.

The door is slammed behind him. HIS POV Halfway up the block a Volkswagon bug has pulled over to the curb. He followed us here. man! The waiting limo's back door is flung open. you sonofabitch. holds underneath it. No As he is frog-marched towards another limo the Dude his drink away from his chest and cups a hand DUDE There's a beverage here! Fuck. TONY Home sweet home. LEBOWSKI Start talking and talk fast you lousy bum! BRANDT We've been frantically trying to reach you. Tony jerks a thumb shoulder. The Dude turns to look. arguments. In the driver's seat we see a fat man's shape. INSIDE facing the The Dude is shoved in and awkwardly takes a seat rear. SECOND CHAUFFEUR Into the limo. . DUDE When did hehalfThe Dude is grabbed from behind and muscled away in a nelson by another uniformed chauffeur. Mr. Who's your friend in the Volkswagon? Huh? over his DUDE His eyes on the rearview mirror. L. Dude. THE DUDE He scowls.holding his drink.

has it ever occurred to you. exactly as per--Look. you bum?! DUDE Well we--I don't-LEBOWSKI They did not receive the money. man! She kidnapped herself! the Dude is the big Lebowski. DUDE No. nothing is fucked here-LEBOWSKI NOTHING IS FUCKED! THE GODDAMN PLANE HAS CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAIN! The Dude takes a hurried sip from his drink. not. that this whole thing might just be. LEBOWSKI Where's my goddamn money. you nitwit! They did not receive the goddamn money. you know. man. directly across from knees. who're you gonna believe? Those guys are--we dropped off the damn money-LEBOWSKI WHAT?! DUDE I--the royal we. the editorial--I dropped off the money. uh. you know. not just such a simple. that. Dude. I've got certain information. and uh.Brandt sits catty-corner from the Dude. that given the nature of all this new shit. a comforter across his . man. instead of running around blaming me. DUDE C'mon man. but uh--you know? LEBOWSKI What in God's holy name are you blathering about? DUDE I'll tell you what I'm blathering about! I got information--new shit has come to light and--shit. certain things have come to light. HER LIFE WAS IN YOUR HANDS! BRANDT This is our concern.

taped up The wadding. it could bump me into a higher tax-LEBOWSKI Brandt. Brandt is handing him a letter-sized envelope which is distended by something inside. The Dude. if you've already made out the check. that had not occurred to me. okay. frowning. The Dude undoes the tape with his fingernails . and of course they're gonna say they didn't get it 'cause she wants more. takes out some cotton wadding and unrolls it.. undone. DUDE Well. I mean. Lebowski. that's cool-. untucks its flap. The Dude is DUDE Well sure. look at it! Young trophy wife. LEBOWSKI Since you have failed to achieve. you know. you know. give him the envelope. Speaking of which. but that's what you pay me for. you're not privy to all the new shit.. Dude. BRANDT We received it this morning. would it be possible for me to get my twenty grand in cash? I gotta check this with my accountant of course. DUDE Well. and since you have unrepentantly betrayed my trust. dumbstruck. in the parlance of our times. BRANDT That had not occurred to us. No Mr. I mean-hasn't that ever occurred to you. she's gotta feed the monkey.but I'm saying.encouraged.? Sir? LEBOWSKI (quietly) No. since you have stolen my money. but my concern is that. including to known pornographers-and that's cool. even in the modest task that was your charge. she needs money. Lebowski stares at him. reveals a smaller wad of gauze inside. owes money all over town. okay. so uh. man.

And with Brandt as my witness. tell you this: Any further harm visited upon Bunny.and starts to unroll the inner package. DUDE . COFFEE SHOP off little The Dude and Walter sit at the counter. of the package--a little toe. Jeffrey Lebowski. There are ways.. WALTER Fine. believe me. shall be visited tenfold upon your head. with emerald green nail LEBOWSKI . Walter? WALTER How the fuck should I know? I do know that nothing about it indicates-DUDE The nail polish.By God sir. AFTER A LONG BEAT: WALTER That wasn't her toe. I will not abide another toe. Dude. apply it to someone else's toe-DUDE Someone else's--where the fuck are they gonna-WALTER You want a toe? I can get you a toe. LEBOWSKI I have no choice but to tell these bums that they should do whatever is necessary to recover their money from you. As if it's impossible to get some nail polish. Dude. Walter. both staring into space.. both absently stirring their coffee with clinking noises. You don't wanna know about it. DUDE Whose toe was it. believe me. Between thumb and forefinger the Dude holds up the contents polish.

this isn't a First Amendment thing. WAITRESS Sir. So far we have what looks to me like a series of victimless crimes-DUDE What about the toe? WALTER FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKING TOE! A waitress enters. I'm leaving. we're supposed to shit ourselves with fear.But Walter-WALTER I'll get you a toe by this afternoon--with nail polish. that's the stress talking. I'm sorry WALTER Don't run away from this. this affects all of us! The Dude has left frame. They send us a toe. WAITRESS Could you please keep your voices down--this is a family restaurant. Dude! Goddamnit. ma'am. These fucking amateurs. if you don't calm down I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Walter. Dude. please dear! I've got news for you: the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint! DUDE Walter. Walter calls after him: . I got buddies who died facedown in the muck so you and I could enjoy this family restaurant! THE DUDE GETS UP: DUDE All right. My point is-DUDE They're gonna kill her. and then they're gonna kill me-WALTER Well that's just. WALTER Oh. Jesus Christ. WALTER Lady.

DUDE Far fuckin' out. staring stuporously. a washcloth draped over his head. The Dude looks stuporously up. this is Duty Officer Rolvaag of the L. We hear the phone ringing in the other roam. After the Dude's outgoing message we hear: VOICE THROUGH MACHINE Mr. WALTER Finishing my coffee. WALTER Finishing my coffee. Far out. as of machine. which protrude from soapy water. He stirs the coffee. MESSAGE You'll just need to present a-The message is interrupted by loud smashing sounds. his head swaying. the The Dude is staring at his toes. A tall man dressed in black leather with a cricket paddle is . I'm staying. VOICE THROUGH MACHINE We've recovered your vehicle. Muzak.A.P. joint The Dude sits in the bathtub.D. Lebowski. a pinched in one hand. splayed against the far side of the tub. It can be claimed at the North Hollywood Auto Circus there on Victory. DUDE'S BATHROOM A dripping noise.WALTER Our basic freedoms! He looks defiantly around. bopping his head in time to the affecting nonchalance. Hunh? DUDE someone applying a baseball bat to the answering He looks blearily at the open doorway.

Two room. small One of them holds a string at the other end of which a animal skitters excitedly about the floor. Lebowski. SECOND MAN You think veer kidding und making mit de funny stuff? THIRD MAN Vee could do things you only dreamed of. cricket paddle up to smash the overhead light. The man with the string scoops up the marmot and screaming. nattering DUDE Nice marmot. into the bathtub. It shakes itself off. spraying the Dude. FIRST MAN Vee vant zat money. SECOND MAN Ja. The man has entered the bathroom and.striding across the living room towards the bathroom. tosses it. vee could really do it. grabs the lip of the tub and starts to of his hoist himself up but the first man lays a palm on top head and squishes him back into the water. Hey! man! swings the other DUDE This is a private residence. biting at the Dude in frenzy of fearful aggression. men are entering behind him. Lebowski. Lebowski. screaming. a The marmot splashes frantically. The Dude. Vee belief in nossing. . in stride. animal. The Dude screams. The Dude looks curiously at the small. The room is dark now except for spill from the living the men are backlit shapes. He scoops the marmot out of the water.

back on the floor. The policeman hands a door handle and an exterior rear-view mirror. Must've been a joyride situation. Lebowski! NOSSING!! The marmot. The Dude climbs in the passenger side. They have reached the Dude's car. SECOND MAN Ja. Excuse me? DUDE FIRST MAN I SAY VEE CUT OFF YOUR CHONSON! backs: The three men turn to leave. You'll have to get in on the other side. Lebowski. is skittering around. POLICEMAN These were on the road next to the car. shaking itself and convulsing in little sneezes. the Dude . FIRST MAN Ja. they abandoned the car once they hit the retaining wall. Lebowski. Over their retreating SECOND MAN Just sink about zat.Jesus! DUDE DIETER Vee belief in nossing. Lebowski! NORTH HOLLYWOOD AUTO CIRCUS A policeman with a clipboard is leading the Dude through a large parking lot. your viggly penis. DUDE Jesus Christ! FIRST MAN Tomorrow vee come back und cut off your chonson. und maybe vee stamp on it und skvush it. Lebowski. POLICEMAN You're lucky she wasn't chopped. The driver's side exterior has been scraped raw. Mr.

Walter and Donny sit at the bar. Dude. agreeing broadly. DONNY And then they're gonna stamp on it?! WALTER Oh for Christ--will you shut the fuck up. The Dude tries to roll down the driver's window but it will not go. and Donny eating nuts. he bellows through the glass: DUDE When will you find these guys? I mean. yeah. DUDE My fucking briefcase! that smell? Jesus--what's POLICEMAN Uh. DUDE I figure my only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off.DUDE My fucking briefcase! It's not here! POLICEMAN Yeah. and moved on. I'll just check with the boys down at the Crime Lab. do you have any promising leads? The policeman laughs. Walter with a beer. his raucous laughter the glass. No . You're lucky they left the tape deck though. yeah. Or perhaps just used it as a toilet. Probably a vagrant. Donny. POLICEMAN Leads. The Dude looks sadly through his window at the policeman muffled by rocking back on his heels. WALTER Now that is ridiculous. the Dude with a beer White Russian. slept in the car. They've assigned four more detectives to the case. got us working in shifts. I saw that on the report. sorry. BOWLING ALLEY BAR The Dude.

Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis. DONNY They were Nazis. WALTER Huh? WALTER DONNY . Dude-WALTER DUDE That makes me feel all warm inside. WALTER Not if I have anything to say about it. WALTER Fucking Germans. Dude? WALTER Come on. they were threatening castration! DONNY Uh-huh. Now Dude-WALTER DUDE This whole fucking thing--I could be sitting here with just pee-stains on my rug.one is going to cut your dick off. That gives me a very secure feeling. DUDE Thanks Walter. thanks Walter. Walter sadly shakes his head. DUDE (bitterly) Yeah. WALTER Are you gonna split hairs? DONNY No-Am I wrong? Well-DUDE They're nihilists. Donny.

DUDE WALTER Jesus. WALTER Fuck the tournament?! SAD. for uh. man. Dude--that keeping wildlife.DUDE They kept saying they believe in nothing. you can't go into the tournament with this negative attitude-DUDE Fuck the tournament! Walter! Fuck you. QUIET: . at least it's an ethos. Say what you like about the tenets of National Dude. man. WALTER And let's also not forget--let's not forget. domestic. I'm-WALTER DUDE Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot! WALTER --We're sympathizing here. DUDE What're you. Yeah. within the city-that isn't legal either. Nihilists! Walter looks haunted. I need my fucking Johnson! DONNY What do you need that for. Socialism. a fucking park ranger now? No. There is a moment of stunned silence. an amphibious rodent. Dude-DUDE Fuck your sympathy! I don't need your sympathy. Dude? WALTER You gotta buck up. you know.

His crinkled eyes settle on the Dude. let's go get a lane. craggily He has a large Western-style Elliot. perhaps. wears denims.WALTER Okay Dude. DOWN INTO HIS EMPTY GLASS: DUDE Another Caucasian. THE STRANGER That's a good one. GARY That's right. Dude? The Dude. huh Gary. shakes his . C'mon Donny. Dude. he looks amiably around the bar. he stares They leave the Dude sitting morosely at the bar. someone puts on "Tumbling Tumbleweeds. THE STRANGER How ya doin' there. Dude. still staring down at his drink. BARTENDER Sioux City Sarsaparilla. a yoked shirt and a cowboy hat. Waiting for his drink. The pop song on the jukebox has ended. TO THE BARTENDER: MAN D'ya have a good sarsaparilla? We recognize the voice of The Stranger whose narration opened the movie. Right. amiable." Walter handsome--Sam mustache and A man saunters up to the bar to take the stool that vacated. Gary. The Stranger nods. VOICE As STILL STARING DOWN AT THE BAR: DUDE Friends like these. He is middle-aged. I can see you don't want to be cheered up.

THE STRANGER Okay. THE STRANGER DUDE . ABSENTLY: DUDE Well I like your style too. not so good. THE STRANGER One a those days. . The bartender puts a brown bottle and a frosted glass bar in front of The Stranger. man. DUDE (absently) Uh-huh. Dude. Wal.head. wal. THE STRANGER I like your style. DUDE The fuck are you talking about? the The Stranger chuckles indulgently and pushes off from bar. a wiser fella than m'self once said. DUDE Ahh. Mm. He brushes his hat brim with a fingertip. huh. have it your way. sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar. THE DUDE LOOKS UP. man. D'ya have to use s'many cuss words? The Dude looks at The Stranger as if just now noticing how out of place the cowpoke is. he eats you. Just one thing. Dude. on the brim. . Got a whole cowboy thing goin'. THE STRANGER Thankie. He looks back at the Dude. who touches his hat THE STRANGER Much obliged. That some kind of Eastern thing? Far from it.

why don't you fucking listen occasionally? You might learn something. MAUDE She most certainly was not! DUDE Hey man. yeah.. money. Yeah. really. Dude! VOICE MAUDE Jeffrey. MAUDE'S LOFT She strides toward us. uh. beckoning. "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" is ending as we offscreen voice. 'cause it looks like your mother really was kidnapped after all. you haven't gone to the doctor. uh-MAUDE Do you have any news regarding my father's money? DUDE I.. naked under a robe which she is just cinching shut. breaking the spell: Dude! THE DUDE LOOKS: Tony. .THE STRANGER Take it easy. Now I got-MAUDE And please don't call her my mother. Now I got-DUDE MAUDE She is most definitely the perpetrator and not the victim. is at the door of the bar. hear an He is gone. I gotta respecfully. the unformed limo driver. Paint flecks her skin. DUDE Thanks man. DUDE No it's fine. Dude. 69 you know. tender my resignation on that matter.

MAUDE That was his group--they released one album in the mid-seventies. Dieter-MAUDE Dieter Hauff? DUDE Well--yeah. Each has his A bed under his picture--Dieter. Kieffer. gazing upward in thin-lipped epiphany. DUDE Roy Orbison. The Dude stops between two albums. for about twenty years. Autobahn. and Franz. wearing severe but modishly retro suits. Nagelbett. picture OF THREE YOUNG GERMANS. is and a On it the group's name. . I guess-MAUDE Her "co-star" in the beaver picture? DUDE Beaver? You mean vagina?--I mean.. Look at my LP's. . the album name.A. Under 'Autobahn. I got definitive evidence-From who? MAUDE DUDE The main guy. you know him? MAUDE Dieter has been on the fringes of-well. . A-u-t-o. MAUDE Huh? Autobahn. nails is the only set dressing on the cyc. Their music is a sort of--ugh--techno-pop. The Dude pulls out an album with a worn sleeve. THEIR FOREHEADS LOOMING BELOW SLICKED- They are name of back hair.DUDE I'm telling you. of everything in L. Pink Floyd.' The Dude fingers through the albums filling one bookshelf.

Lotta ins. and thorough. Lotta outs. really. She is picking up a telephone. And a lotta strands to keep in my head.yeah-MAUDE Look. MAUDE Please Jeffrey. You can't get away with it if the hostage knows who you are. It's a complicated case.Jeez. DUDE I miss vinyl.. man. I don't want to be responsible for any delayed aftereffects.. DUDE Delayed after-eff-MAUDE I want you to see him immediately. I-She is scribbling. MAUDE Is he pretending to be the abductor? DUDE Well. good man. MAUDE I'll see if he's available. Lotta strands in old Duder's-MAUDE Do you still have that doctor's number? DUDE Huh? No.. Jeffrey. Maude. a headset on. CLOSE SHOT Leaking THE DUDE He's a His eyes are closed. no. tinnily through the headset we hear the opening bars . I don't even have the bruise any more. you don't really kidnap someone that you're acquainted with. MAUDE So Dieter has the money? DUDE Well. DUDE Well yeah.. his shirt off. not exactly.I know that.

" Behind him. he absently takes the joint flicks it open. The Dude mirror-is sucking down a joint. hand reaches in to pull one arm of the headset away Dude's ear. showering between thumb and forefinger of his right hand and out the driver's window--except that the window is not The butt bounces off the glass and around the car. noticing something. sparks. The Dude screams. A Creedence tape plays. Could you slide your shorts down please? DUDE'S CAR The Dude is driving home. DUDE'S CROTCH The glowing butt rolls down the car seat between his legs.of "Comin' Up Around the Bend. VOICE I understand sir. cropped so that we see only a little of his torso. a His from the strongly. a white-smocked figure taps at the Dude's back. THE STREET The car careens wildly as the surrounding traffic veers off . she hit me right here. out of frame. After moment the figure circles to one side. she. He glances at the rear-view and. Mr. Lebowski? The Dude's eyes open. and as he does so the music issues more VOICE Could you slide your shorts down please. looks again. Huh? DUDE No. HIS POV A Volkswagon bug is following. a lone fat man driving. THE DUDE His eyes still on the mirror.

make way. paper He takes his beer and pours it in between the There is a hissing sound. his hushed. In the upper rightthat. the Dude's balding is performing a dance moderne. horns blaring. Smoke is wisping up from between the Driver's seat cushion and back cushion. The Dude pulls it out. misspelled words are in red throughout.and comes telephone to. covered with handwriting. . away But he is sitting on the passenger from the lit butt. The theme is titled "The Purchase. But there is a piece of sticking out from between the cushions. DUDE side now. cushions. It is lined spiral notebook paper. also won't open. CRANE JACKSON'S FOUNTAIN STREET THEATER stage landlord. Jamtoss 5th Period. and Donny. voice sparse As Walter talks to the Dude he leans in to him. so as not to disturb the rest of the very audience." In red ink is a large circled D and some handwritten marginal comments. Fuck Me. and under Mrs. the Dude. man. DUDE Fuckola. The car finally spins to rest with its passenger side wrapped into a poll. which The Dude frantically grabs at his door. He looks around for it. which won't and then slides over to push at the passenger door. INSIDE THE CAR open. Louisiana circled hand corner is the name Lawrence Sellers. facing the in the background where Allan. We are behind Walter. slightly singed and dripping beer.

This kid is in the ninth grade. WALTER Near the In-and-Out Burger-DONNY Those are good burgers. near the In-and-Out Burger-DUDE The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose. Walter. Dude. DUDE WALTER The bulk of the series. Uh-huh. and his father is--are you ready for this?-Arthur Digby Sellers. I know the fucking show Walter. Donny. DUDE . Dude. WALTER Shut the fuck up. so what? WALTER Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers wrote 156 episodes. Dude? DUDE Yeah.WALTER He lives in North Hollywood on Radford. Uh-huh. WALTER All but one man died? Creek? There at Bitter DUDE Yeah yeah. DUDE WALTER Not exactly a lightweight. DUDE Who the fuck is that? WALTER Huh? DUDE Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers? WALTER Who the f--have you ever heard of a little show called Branded.

a few laughs. DUDE Fuck me. uh-DONNY We'll be near the In-and-Out Burger. we spoke on the phone. . WALTER Shut the fuck up. DUDE Uh. if he hasn't spent it already. brace the kid--he'll be a pushover. Pilar? My name is Walter Sobchak. uh. this is my associate Jeffrey Lebowski. man! That kid's already spent all the money! WALTER Hardly Dude. Our fucking troubles are over. And yes. we'll be near the. a new 'vette? The kid's still got. We'll. Donny. Jace? WOMAN It is opened by a matronly WALTER Hello. Parked incongruously front of the house is a brand new red Corvette.No. 96 to 97 thousand. He waves a hand vaguely toward the stage. Well we'll go out there after the. go figure. Wait in the car. uh--some burgers. We'll. RESIDENTIAL AREA dilapidated in The Dude and Walter are pulling up in front of a house sitting on a scrubby lot. the. We'll get that fucking money. WALTER What have you. THE FRONT DOOR Spanish Walter rings the bell. woman. Million fucking clams. depending on the options. WALTER Yeah. Dude. WALTER And yet his son is a fucking dunce. Donny. uh. oh. some beers.

Uh-huh. May we come in? Jace. no. WALTER May we uh. . WALTER HE BELLOWS ACROSS THE ROOM: WALTER I just want to say. PILAR He has healt' problems. lowered He and the Dude sit on a sagging green sofa. voice. looking about. to Pilar: In a WALTER Does he. that we're . artificially breathing with hisses in and out. distinct PILAR Sweetie! Dat mang is here! There is a rhythmic compressor sound.WOMAN Jace. sir. we wanted to talk about little Larry. uh. ma'am. sir. Dude. please. . WALTER That's him. WALTER Thank you. as WOMAN They enter a dim living room and stand. VIVA VOCE And a good day to you. At the other end of the living room lies on something that looks like a hospital gurney midsection enclosed by a motorized stainless-steel It is an iron lung. Is he still writing? No. PILAR See down. Pilar CALLS UP THE STAIRS: Larry! and a man with its bubble. Walter places it nudges the Dude.

Larry? Walter pops the latches on his attache case and takes out it out the homework. Larry? . which is now in a ziploc bag. yearold.both enormous--on a personal level. WALTER Is this yours. man. at arm's length. inspir--There are footsteps on the stairs. Larry? Is this your DUDE Is the car out front yours? WALTER Is this your homework. WALTER Is this your homework. uh. PILAR See down. Larry? Larry does not respond. please!. He adopts his command voice in turning to Larry: WALTER But that is up to little Larry here. . man! Walter is still holding out the homework. policeman-These are the Larry. Isn't it. Larry? homework. Larry? Is this your He holds DUDE Just ask him if he--ask him about the car. a fifteen- WALTER No ma'am. especially the early episodes. Branded. WALTER Is this your homework. did you-WALTER Dude. has been a source of. We're hoping that it will not be necessary to call the police. Larry? DUDE Look. Sweetie. displaying it to Larry. looks at the two men. I didn't mean to give the impression that we're police exactly. homework. .

for Christ's sake. No answer. an enraged encyclopedia salesman. Without looking The Dude. to follow him. Larry. Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam? DUDE Oh. Walter! Where's the fucking money. WALTER Look. And we know that this is your homework. Walter! WALTER You're going to enter a world of pain. . You might want to watch out the front window there. Larry. rises . WALTER You're gonna KILL your FATHER. He is heading for the door.DUDE We know it's his fucking homework. this is pointless. WALTER This is what happens when you FUCK a STRANGER in the ASS. Plan B. puzzled. you little brat? homework Throughout Walter has been staring at Larry with the extended towards him. Larry!. We know that this is your homework. son. IN DISGUST: WALTER Ah. OUTSIDE Walter is striding down the lawn with his attache case like back at. Larry. As he shoves the homework back in the attache case: WALTER All right. We know you stole a car-DUDE And the fucking money! WALTER And the fucking money. . FINALLY.

He pops the Dude's trunk. WALTER THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS! Distant dogs Lights are going on in houses down the street. flings in the briefcase and takes out a tire iron. Dude. who follows: WALTER Fucking language problem.the Dude. MANG?! He wrestles the crowbar away from the startled Walter. WALTER YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS. LARRY! CRASH! which He swings the crowbar into the windshield. MAN WHAT THE FUCK JOO DOING. MAN I JUS' BAWDEEZ FUCKEEN CAR LASS WEEK! Walter cringes before the enraged Mexican. He is walking over to the Corvette. WALTER Maybe he'll understand this. WALTER YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS?! CRASH! He takes out the driver's window. LARRY! CRASH! WALTER HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS! IN THE ASS! CRASH! A man in a sleeveless T-shirt and boxer shorts has run FUCK A STRANGER over backswing of behind Walter and grabbed him from behind on a the crowbar. WALTER HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS. . bark. shatters.

Donny. DUDE'S BUNGALOW As the Dude talks on the phone he is hammering a two- by-four door. at the munch The Dude drives. and parallel to. the front DUDE I accept your apology. in windows. Creedence music plays above the bluster of wind. MANG! FUCKEEN CAR! I--I KILL JOR He runs over to the Dude's car. staring grimly out road. and Donny in the back seat. into the floor just inside. Wind whistles through No! DUDE NO! THAT'S NOT-- 'on In-and-Out Burgers. No! CRASH! CRASH! MAN I FUCKEEN KILL JOR FUCKEEN CAR! CRASH! MAN I KILL JOR FUCKEEN CAR! INSIDE THE CAR Glass rains in on a terrified.Hunh? WALTER The man looks about. wildly. Walter. . . No I. I just want to handle it myself from . his jaw clenched. MAN I KILL JOR FUCKEEN CAR! ON A DEAFENING CRASH WE CUT TO: THE DUDE'S CAR windshield as the cavedWe are looking into the car through the broken it rattles down the freeway. cringing. MAN I KILL JOO. beside him.

He hangs up and has just finished sliding the chair into braced when the place with its top under the doorknob and its legs against the two-by-four.Yes. BLOND MAN You're not dealing with morons here. DUDE Well that's your perception. . I'll be at practice. . . Lebowski. rises and grabs a straightbacked chair that stands nearby. . Walter. leaving blackness. Walter. the door is opened--outwards. DUDE Huh? stride in. Jackie The chair clatters to BLOND MAN And we know which Lebowski you are. BLACKNESS Out of the blackness something is falling toward us. it made it home. falling in slow motion. and the unspoken Message is FUCK YOU AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. WOO Yeah. after a a woman. Treehorn wants to see you. . mouth contorted by either fear or ecstasy. I'm calling from home. No. her limbs flailing. It is her topless. Well you're right. Woo and the blond man who earlier peed on the rug kicking the chair away. . . thus wedging the door closed.now on. then beat reappears. WOO Pin your diapers on. That has nothing to do with it. . floor. it didn't look like Larry was about to crack. He finishes hammering. No. . . rising into the night sky. She is She falls past the camera. Lebowski. Yeah. Jackie Treehorn wants to talk to the deadbeat Lebowski.

fiftyish. entertainment. INSIDE THE BEACH HOUSE The Dude is looking around at the '60's modern decor. and-DUDE Which one was Logjammin'? TREEHORN . Behind him. the woman rises and falls. political advocacy. Dude? DUDE White Russian. Jackie Treehorn. are blanket-tossing the squealing young woman nightmarish slow motion.MALIBU BEACH dried casual in A crowd of mostly tanned middle-aged men with blowhair. rises again. A man walks towards the camera through the pools of beach pants the and light. lit by festive beach lights and kerosene heaters. Completely unspoiled. disappears It is a party. TREEHORN What's your drink. Dude. appears disappears. into darkness. I deal in publishing. 1960's mainstream jazz. Jackie? How's the I'm TREEHORN I wouldn't know. squealing. has been piped down to speakers on the In long shot now the woman rises. man. thanks for coming. smut business. WIDER standing Mancinibeach'. wearing jogging outfits and other expensively attire. He is handsome. thanks. descends into light. MAN Hello Dude. of the Brubeck school. DUDE This is quite a pad you got here. wearing cotton twill and a Turnbull & Asher shirt with a foulard knotted at neck.

TREEHORN Me? How would I know? The only reason she ran off was to get away from her rather sizable debt to me. we can't afford to invest that little extra in story. Well. If I can find your money. she's been-Treehorn waves this off. maybe. I can see you're anxious for me to get to the point.Regrettably. there are many facets to this. standards have fallen in adult entertainment. uh. you know. production value. man. Wave of the future. so save it. Dude. DUDE Uh-huh. TREEHORN I've heard the kidnapping story. TREEHORN Of course. I still jerk off manually. you do get the good with the bad. That's your business. it's true. I want mine. He hands him the drink. All I'm saying is. man-. 100% electronic. DUDE But she hasn't run off. I know you're mixed up in all this. Dude. The new technology permits us to do exciting things with interactive erotic software. DUDE Yeah. TREEHORN People forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone-DUDE On you. Dude. Where's Bunny? DUDE I thought you might know. Well Dude. feeling. It's video. here it is. well. TREEHORN Of course you do. many interested parties. Now that we're competing with the amateurs. and I don't care what you're trying to take off her husband.what's in it for the Dude? . He taps his forehead with one finger. right man.

the kid's got it. Jackie. Jackie. . The Dude shakes his head. it really. kid just wanted a car. on Radford. focus. . DUDE No funny stuff. So if you'll just write me a check for my ten per cent. All the Dude ever wanted. . . on looking He is joined either side by Woo and the blond man. . He tips forward. Refill? DUDE Does the Pope shit in the woods? TREEHORN Let's say a 10% finder's fee? DUDE Okay. of half a million. mean he's only fifteen and he's flunking social studies. He lives in North Hollywood. Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. was his rug back. tries to focus. A real fuckin' brat. . Hiya. fifty grand. who swims in and out of Tied the room together.TREEHORN Of course. done. He is getting to his feet. FROM UNDER THE GLASS COFFEE TABLE Looking up at the Dude as his face hits the glass and squishes. all three men grimly down at the Dude. . not greedy. Jackie. near the In-and-Out Burger. . . but I'm sure your goons'll be able to get it off him. . . DUDE I'll go out and mingle. you mix a hell of a Caucasian. but sways woozily. . . . there's that to discuss. spilling his drink off the table. TREEHORN A fifteen-year-old? Is this your idea of a joke? Jackie Treehorn's image starts to swim.--Jesus. He squints at Jackie Treehorn. fellas. . I like the way you do business.

her. helps ball. singing an pigtails. SCRATCHY WHITE TITLE CARD: JACKIE TREEHORN PRESENTS ANOTHER TITLE CARD: THE DUDE AND MAUDE LEBOWSKI IN THIRD TITLE CARD: GUTTERBALLS flanked turns Edition's The title logo is a suggestively upright bowling pin by a pair of bowling balls. their arms akimbo. In the center of the alley stands Maude Lebowski. their . operatic harmony to the Kenny Rogers song. She wears armored breastplate and Norse headgear. We hear a thundering bass.FAST FADE OUT BLACK THE STRANGER'S VOICE Darkness warshed over the Dude-darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. pressed up against her with her follow-through as she releases a bowling The lane is straddled by a line of chorines in spangly skirts. minilegs The Dude stands behind her and. Busby-Berkley style. The Dude's face is washed with a brilliant as the corridor opens onto a gleaming bowling alley. There was no bottom. has braided and holds a trident. The bending bass sound into the lead-in to Kenny Rogers and the First "Just Dropped In." cable light The Dude is walking down a long corridor dressed as a repairman.

It is the Germans. levitating inches off the tools from his utility belt swinging free. We hit the pins. oversized shears which they menacingly scissor. The field of black is punctured by The Dude is running blearily down the middle of the Coast Highway. three pool wielding men are entering from the background. her legs kicking. scattering A body drops down into the blackness in slow motion--a topless woman. squealing. them. emerging into a of light. horns . performing a barrelHe is roll so that he is now gliding along the lane face-up. The Dude. The scissoring sound of the shears turns into the whoosh of headlights. car-bys. the ball-guide arrows zipping by. down. Pacific blaring. leaving blackness again. Cars rush by on either side.the turning the lane into a tunnel leading to the pins at end. face sides. their the lane. Coming at us. his arms. are the approaching pins. now standing in a field of black. fists pumping. reacts to the advancing Germans. He turns and runs. Now his point of view looks up the dresses of the passing chorines. little But it is no longer a bowling ball rolling between legs--it is the Dude himself. pressed against his His point of view shows the lane rushing by below. The Dude twists his body around. and rush on into black. advancing ominously. as we go through the last few pairs of legs. As she drops out of frame. He looks and his forward momentum blows back his hair. The Dude smiles dreamily and does a backstroke motion so forward that he is once again gliding face-down. torpedolike.

man.With the BLOO-WHUP of a short siren blast. some kind of sad-assed refugee from the fucking sixties? Uh-huh. SQUAD CAR The Dude sits in the back seat. DUDE That guy treats women like objects. CHIEF'S OFFICE bounces facing chair. that you were drunk and abusive. The Dude is hurled against the chief's desk. Not a charge was true. which he off of. And they say he ran awaaaaaay.D. Lebowski. DUDE I want a fucking lawyer. Treehorn tells us that he had to eject you from his garden party. DUDE CHIEF Mr. his head lolling with the Branded: DUDE He was innocent. a squad car with flashing gumballs pulls up. I motion of the car as he blearily sings the theme of CHIEF What are you. CHIEF This is your only I. to come to rest more or less seated in a His wallet is tossed onto the desk. The chief leans forward. takes the wallet and sorts through it with disgusted incredulity. CHIEF . man. DUDE I know my rights. want Bill Kunstler.? He is looking at the Ralph's Shopper's Club card. CHIEF You don't know shit.

deadbeat! Keep your ugly fucking goldbricking ass out of my beach community! CAB squeaks his The Dude. the scalding splashing everywhere. CHIEF Stay out of Malibu. DUDE I'm sorry. and then starts kicking at him. The Chief is already up off his chair. DUDE . coffee It The Chief hurls his steaming mug of coffee at the hits him in the forehead with a thud. rounding the DUDE Fucking fascist! --Ow! The Chief slaps him twice. I wasn't listening. CHIEF Stay out of Malibu. Lebowski. desk. is gingerly touching at sore spots on face and scalp. Lebowski. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. So let me make something plain.off behavior. a large black man with rasta under a knit cap. "Peaceful Easy Feeling" is on the radio. and I don't like you. We got a nice quiet beach community here.Mr. and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. DUDE'S POV dreds The back of the driver. You don't draw shit. jerkoff --do I make myself clear? The Dude stares. Lebowski! He kicks the chair out from under the Dude. Dude. in the back seat of a taxicab that rocks and with every bump. I don't like your jerk. I don't like your jerkoff name. I don't like you sucking around bothering our citizens. I don't like your jerk-off face.

man. Another car. can you change the station? DRIVER Fuck you man! You don't like my fucking music. drawers dumped. and looks around. speeds by. get your own fucking cab! I've had a-DUDE DRIVER I pull over and kick your ass out. man! DUDE --had a rough night. Furniture has been overturned. her hair blowing in the dreamy smile on her face as she speeds along. is Bunny Lebowski. Quiet. . one hand to a lump on his forehead. oncoming. upholstery slashed. Jesus. When she downshifts her left foot enters to engage the clutch. and I hate the fucking Eagles. DUDE'S BUNGALOW pressed The Dude staggers in the open front door. INSIDE THE OTHER CAR It is a red convertible.Jesus. its radio blaring Metallica. DUDE The place is a wreck. higher kite. a than a The driver. and wind. Five more toes. in an open-toed bright red high-heeled shoe. man-That's it! THE STREET The cab screeches over towards the curb. THE FOOTWELL On the accelerator her right foot. has five painted toes. singing loudly DRIVER Outta this fucking cab! badly along with the radio.

DUDE Well. Ever hear of the Seattle Seven? Mmnun. Maude emerges from the bedroom. Maude? She pulls open the bathrobe as she approaches. Not much to tell. The Dude is stupefied. . a long sigh. and then a voice from the blackness: MAUDE Tell me a little about yourself. DUDE That's my robe.The door to the bedroom starts to creak open. the Dude is lighting blackness himself a joint. uh. MAUDE DUDE Not the compromised second draft. A match is dragged across a headboard. CUT TO: BLACK After a beat. uh. And then I. uh. MAUDE . . one of the authors of the Port Huron Statement. Jeffrey. The Dude cringes. Uh-huh. bathrobe.--The original Port Huron Statement. He shakes the match out to restore THOOMP! ON THE EMBRACE WE MAUDE MAUDE DUDE She is wearing a except for the glowing tip of the joint. DUDE I was. Love me. . . Jeffrey.

lie Click--the Dude turns on a bedside lamp. you know. She pulls her knees in toward her chest to her pelvis raised. wedges a each keep He climbs out of bed but Maude remains in it. I uh--music business briefly. little of that. let's see. Wanted to save the finder's fee. He and Maude DUDE And then. you know. Why did he think you had it? And who does? DUDE . so he got me out of the way while he looked for it. The occasional acid flashback. Drive around. MAUDE Uh-huh. Oh? MAUDE DUDE Yeah. uh. Bowl. slowed down a bit lately. MAUDE What do you do for fun? DUDE Oh. little of this. Roadie for Metallica. of Sound Tour. . And then. My career's. MAUDE What happened to your house? DUDE Jackie Treehorn trashed the place. the usual. Speed DUDE Bunch of assholes. it's the Foundation's. MAUDE Finder's fee? DUDE He thought I had your father's money. MAUDE It's not my father's money. She pillow into the small of her back and clasps a hand on kneecap. . next to each other in bed.

MAUDE Jeffrey-DUDE It's a complicated case. But he's-DUDE MAUDE He helps administer the charities now. lotta outs. MAUDE It increases the chances of conception. Maude. MAUDE No no. Real fucking brat. he-MAUDE We did let Father run one of the companies. a high-school kid. drug regimen to keep my mind. DUDE But your father--he runs stuff. The Dude spits some White Russian. and I give him a reasonable allowance. It's just-MAUDE I keep telling you. briefly. it's the Foundation's money. Father doesn't have any. Huh. you know. Huh? DUDE He's fucking loaded. Maude has been lying on her back with her pulled in. He picks a White Russian off the bedside table. . the wealth was all Mother's. I'm real fucking close to your father's money. Lotta ins. Hence the slut.Larry Sellers. did he--is Throughout. that yoga? knees DUDE Well. limber. real fucking close. Fortunately I've been adhering to a pretty strict. Father's weakness is vanity. so. I know how he likes to present himself. Jeez. He has no money of his own. but he didn't do very well at it. uh.

.. thinking. Your father-LIVING ROOM The Dude finishes punching a number into the phone.no. . . or who'll have any interest in rearing the child himself. . DUDE Yeah. my thinking about the case. In fact I don't want the father to be someone I have to see socially. Yeah. A real reactionary. DUDE So.Increases? DUDE MAUDE Well yes. man. DUDE Huh. the. DUDE Yeah. What happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn do that as well? The Dude is staring off into space. but see. MAUDE Exactly. police chief of Malibu. I don't want a partner. Something occurs to him. ..that doctor.. PHONE VOICE This is Walter Sobchak. answer is absent. it had become uptight. what did you think this was all about? Fun and games? DUDE Well. I'm not in. Oh man. Jeffrey. I get it! What? MAUDE His The Dude is leaving the bedroom. leave a message after the beep. the Dude-MAUDE Look. DUDE No. uh. okay. . of course not-MAUDE I want a child... So your father.

I'm not even supposed to pick up the phone. never mind. Huh? DUDE WALTER Erev shabbas. pulling on a shirt. WALTER I understand. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. just call Donny then. I'm at my place.FROM THE BEDROOM: MAUDE'S VOICE What're you talking about? Beep. HIS POV . Walter. I need you to come pick me up-WALTER I can't drive. DUDE THEN WHY CAN'T YOU--fuck. it's erev shabbas. That's why I picked up the phone. this is an emergency. DUDE It is a fucking emergency. His attention is caught by something down the street. DUDE Walter. unless it's an emergency. pick up the fucking phone. I can't drive. I'm not-WALTER Dude? DUDE Walter. Dude. WE GOTTA GO TO PASADENA! COME PICK ME UP OR I'M OFF THE FUCKING BOWLING TEAM! MAUDE'S VOICE Jeffrey? THE DUDE He emerges on his front stoop. if you're there. and ask him to-WALTER Dude. listen. I'm not supposed to make calls-DUDE WALTER. Pick it up.

man! The man nervously complies. man! intended! Come on. THE DUDE Striding purposefully down the street.the A car is parked halfway down the block. The Dude flinches at the man's movement as he gets out. whines and coughs. man! man! Relax. He is wearing a cheap blue serge suit. He is bald with a short fringe and a mustache. The Dude is stunned. I'm a brother shamus. reacting to the Dude's flinch. He reaches through the open He brings window and grabs the newspaper and hurls it to the He is revved with nervous energy. DUDE Get out of that fucking car. which he holds before his face. As he gets to the car. up a The man hurriedly fumbles in front of him. HIS POV car's More The fat man leans forward and we hear the sound of the ignition coughing. The man cringes. The Dude shouts to cover his fear: DUDE Who the fuck are you. THE DUDE driver's ground. fuckhead! MAN Hey. MAN No physical harm DUDE Who the fuck are you? Why've you been following me? Come on. newspaper. DUDE . We can see shape of a fat man in the driver's seat. no start. relax man. but the engine will not turn over.

man. but smile and It is probably a school portrait. Her parents want her back. Playing one side against the other--in bed with everybody--fabulous stuff. man! DA FINO Hey. I'm just helping her conceive. man! DUDE Huh? DA FINO A dick.Brother Shamus? Like an Irish monk? MAN Irish m--What the fuck are you talking about? My name's Da Fino! I'm a private snoop! Like you. fresh-faced. unmistakably Bunny. The? DUDE Who the fff-Lebowski? DA FINO The Gundersons. just stay away from my fucking lady friend. man. It's a wandering daughter job. DA FINO Hey hey. with a corn-fed straight Partridge Family hair and bangs. man. Bunny Lebowski. man. fuck it. Her real name is Fawn Gunderson. I'm not messing with your special lady-DUDE She's not my special lady. man! And let me tell you something: I dig your work. she's my fucking lady friend. . He is fumbling in his wallet. DA FINO See? The Dude looks at the picture. DUDE I'm not a--ah. much younger looking. I'm not-DUDE Who're you working for? Jackie Treehorn? DA FINO The Gundersons.

Fuck off. She's been kidnapped. DENNY'S Four people sit at a booth: Dieter. DA FINO Well maybe you and me could pool our resources--trade information-professional courtesy--compeers. up. Fuck. her homesick.DUDE Jesus fucking Christ. man! DA FINO That's terrible! Or maybe not. it sucks. The Gundersons told me to show her this when I found her. The family farm. He hands back the picture. growing louder with the hum of an approaching car. she's definitely not around. How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they seen Karl Hungus. And stay away from my special la-from my fucking lady friend. but They think it'll make DUDE Yeah. Kieffer. Minnesota. Crazy. I get it. Outside of Moorhead. Franz. its and The Dude steps out to meet Walter's car as it pulls passenger window open and the pomeranian leaning out yapping. Da Fino. A bleak farmhouse and silo are the only features on a flat snow-swept landscape. He is holding out another picture. Da Fino. you know-We hear distant yapping. DUDE Yeah. huh? DA FINO Ran away a year ago. DUDE Boy. .

checkpad swaddled foot. The They seem and pen. DIETER I haff lingenberry pancakes. The woman speaks to Dieter in German. Dieter looks sourly up. loudly. WALTER'S CAR to the from Walter's eyes are on the road as he listens. and a young woman with long stringy hair. which ends in a bandagetip of German. Dude. A waitress enters with a WAITRESS You folks ready? The German shouting stops. wearing torn and patched jeans and a ribbed tee-shirt. man. the bandage. and the big Lebowski yelled at me a lot. Huh? WALTER Well it's.all in blonde sleeveless braless. . KIEFFER Lingenberry pancakes. We fucked up his pay-off. but he didn't do anything. She is apparently and is teutonically pale with birthmarks on her face arms. And got the kidnappers all pissed off. Notable is her camera-side leg. Dried rust-colored blood stains the four are arguing. DUDE I'm saying if he knows I'm a fuckHe nods. sometimes the cathartic. DUDE I mean we totally fucked it up. in very unhappy. DIETER Lingenberry pancakes. FRANZ Sree picks in blanket. driving. worn thin with age. uh. whose speech is occasionally punctuated by yaps the back seat. and black leather.

Dude. it's shabbas. You're not even fucking Jewish. but my point is. Dude! DUDE Yeah. he kept the money. here we are. but how does all this add up to an emergency? Huh? DUDE WALTER DUDE WALTER I'm saying. come off it. he knew we didn't hand off his briefcase. and you were-WALTER You know this! .up. Dude? DUDE His million bucks was never in it. I see what you're getting at. man! There was no money in that briefcase! He was hoping they'd kill her! You throw out a ringer for a ringer! Yeah? Shit yeah! WALTER Okay. why didn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean. man! He's had enough! He no longer digs her! It's all a show! But then. you're-WALTER What the fuck are you talking about? DUDE You're fucking Polish Catholic-WALTER What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on. but he never asked for it back. then why does he still leave me in charge of getting back his wife? Because he fucking doesn't want her back. the sabbath. WALTER What's your point. which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life and death-DUDE Walter.

THE LEBOWSKI MANSION Walter's car pulls up the drive into the foreground and he and the Dude get out. Both are gaping off at the front lawn. briefly bouncing on the diving board before The Dude looks . AS HE TURNS: WALTER I'm as Jewish as fucking Tevye DUDE It's just part of your whole sick Cynthia thing. You're living in the fucking past. THEIR POV where a into a Tire treads lead across the manicured front lawn to little red sports car rests with its hood crumpled palm trunk. WALTER Three thousand years of beautiful tradition. What the hell happened? He is looking off as the car slows.DUDE And you were divorced five fucking years ago. from Moses to Sandy Koufax-YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I LIVE IN THE PAST! I--Jesus. Through the French doors at its far end we can see naked. WALTER Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver's license? Stop being Jewish? DUDE This driveway. WALTER Jesus Christ. where Walter is looking. TRACKING DOWN THE GREAT HALLWAY Bunny. Going to her fucking synagogue. Taking care of her fucking dog.

to its We pull the Dude and Walter as they approach the doors the great study. she's back. Lebowski? WALTER His . WALTER He never even kidnapped Walter's dog follows. approaching. wheelchair hums as he spins it around. picking up the discarded clothes that run length of the hall. DUDE Where's the money. never bothered to tell us. Dude! He's very angry! BANG--the Dude and Walter push through the double doors into-THE GREAT ROOM The big Lebowski turns at the sound of the door. stiffly waving BRANDT Who's this gentleman. Just picked up and left. No thanks to you. Jesus. tail. stoops and the straightens. stoops and straightens. LEBOWSKI (bitterly) Well. BRANDT He can't see you. DUDE But I guess she told Dieter. Dude.splashing filters into the illuminated pool outside. DUDE Where'd she been? BRANDT Visiting friends of hers in Palm Springs. Heavy metal music Brandt. Dude! her. in from a boom box by the pool. Dude? Who'm I? WALTER I'm a fucking VETERAN! BRANDT You shouldn't go in there.

I have mine.A MILLION BUCKS FROM FUCKING NEEDY LITTLE URBAN ACHIEVERS! YOU ARE SCUM. get out. I say I entrusted the money to you. and this guy is a fake. hey. LEBOWSKI All right. . LEBOWSKI Well. You thought. Dude! Pretending to be a fucking millionaire! I said out. and you'd just met me. LEBOWSKI Who the hell is he? WALTER I'll tell you who I am! I'm the guy who's gonna KICK YOUR PHONY GOLDBRICKING ASS! DUDE We know the briefcase was empty. someone the square community won't give a shit about. All you needed was a sap to pin it on. yeah. man. MAN! The dog yaps. I've seen a lot of spinals. Well? LEBOWSKI Aren't you? DUDE Well. you have your story. a deadbeat. We know you kept the million bucks yourself. a loser. . WALTER Let me tell you something else. and you stole it. Both of you. . Dude. WALTER Look at that fucking phony. A fucking goldbricker. WALTER AS IF WE WOULD EVER DREAM OF TAKING YOUR BULLSHIT MONEY! DUDE You thought Bunny'd been kidnapped and you could use it as a pretext to make some money disappear. LEBOWSKI Now.

shit. WALTER Oh. Dude. WALTER This guy fucking walks. mister! Lebowski Walter reaches around from behind and hoists the big out of the wheelchair by his armpits. LEBOWSKI Put me down. I'll put him down. the floor. his rubbery feet grazing leaps the floor like a Raggedy Ann's. WALTER Oh. shit. FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! CRIPPLED! PUT HIM DOWN! HE'S WALTER Sure. BABY!! the RAUSS! He shoves the big Lebowski forward and he crumples to floor. both of you! Walter is abashed. you son of a bitch! Walter! DUDE The pomeranian gaily WALTER It's all over. LEBOWSKI (sobbing) You're bullies! Cowards. you fucking phony! The big Lebowski waggles helplessly. WALTER Walk. weeping. DUDE The Big Lebowski flails about on . man! fucking bluff! We call your DUDE WALTER. ACHTUNG. and yaps. I've never been more certain of anything in my life! LEBOWSKI Stay away from me.He is crossing to Lebowski.

sorry man. Shit. Walter moves to comply. I didn't know. stands over the big Lebowski. warmer and We're really sorry.He can't walk. man. LEBOWSKI You monsters! DUDE Help me put him back in his chair. you fuck! WALTER Shit. TEN PINS Scattered at the cut. DUDE We're sorry. THROUGH HIS TEARS: LEBOWSKI Stay away from me! You bullies! You and these women! You won't leave a man his fucking balls! DUDE Walter. . Dude. Walter! WALTER Yeah. But fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy WALTER He didn't look like a spinal. DUDE Sorry man. Walter. The Dude has picked up the Big Lebowski's plaid lap and is frantically tucking it back in around his waist batting the dog away. WALTER Sure you'll see some tank battles. I wouldn't've done it if I knew he was a fucking crybaby. There ya go. Dude. DUDE AND WALTER Each with a beer at the scoring table. I can see that. hands on hips. WALTER Shit. puzzled.

and is restrained by O'Brien. eyeball to eyeball. but you don't fool Jesus! It's bush league psych-out stuff! Laughable. man. WALTER That's fuckin' combat.jungle. I mean I had an M16. Just me and Charlie. I'll fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead! QUINTANA him He makes hip-grinding coital motions as O'Brien leads away. Donny. Not a bunch of fig-eaters with towels on their heads tryin' to find reverse on a Soviet tank. not an Abrams fucking tank. Uh-huh. QUINTANA What is this bullshit. Dude. This is not a worthy-HEY! VOICE The Dude and Walter look. QUINTANA . Walter? WALTER Shut the fuck up. man? I don't fucking care! It don't matter to Jesus! But you're not fooling me! You might fool the fucks in the league office. Quintana is bellowing from the lip of the lane. DONNY Who's in pyjamas. man! I would've fucked you in the ass Saturday. Jacko. this thing should be a fucking cakewalk. The man in the black pyjamas. Worthy fuckin' adversary. DUDE WALTER I mean 'Nam was a foot soldier's war whereas. uh. man?! Walter looks at him innocently. DUDE Yeah. QUINTANA What's this "day of rest" shit.

stand in Behind them been motorcycles. So you've got nothin' on my Johnson. BOWLING ALLEY PARKING LOT Donny. man! his Walter. and the Dude. his head cocked. uzzervize vee kill ze girl. which has put to the torch. coming To all who They react to the droning synthesizer-based technopop from a boom box. DUDE They finally did it. Dude. We know you never did.You got a date Wednesday. FRANZ Ja. KIEFFER Ja. Kieffer and Franz. in shiny black leather. stunned. peeking over shades. WALTER A tree of life. it seems you forgot our little deal. The orange flames glow on the men's Next to the car are three The Dude looks sadly at the parked in a neat row. DUDE You don't have the fucking girl. burning a line facing them in the all-but-deserted lot. fucking car. cling to it. orange flames lick gently at the Dude's car. Lebowski. Walter and the Dude emerge from the alley. WALTER He's cracking. REVERSE Dieter. watch him go. dipshits. DUDE The men in black. They killed my DIETER Vee vant zat money. creaking leather. each holding his leatherette ball satchel. Lebowski. car. confer amongst themselves in .

cool it Walter. Fuck you. his eyes still on the three men: WALTER They're nihilists. Under his breath: DONNY Are these the Nazis. He pulls an uzi from under his coat. sreaten you. also sotto voce. A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?! DUDE Hey.BITCHES-KIEFFER His girlfriend gafe up her toe! sought we'd be getting million dollars! Iss not fair! WALTER Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU. Vee It glints in the WALTER Fuck the three of you. so take it up with him. Walter ignores the Dude. DIETER Vee don't care. DIETER Zere ARE no ROOLZ! WALTER NO RULES! YOU CABBAGE-EATING SONSOF. Listen. nothing to be afraid of. Donny. KIEFFER Ja. Walter? Walter answers. addresses the Germans: WALTER There's no ransom if you don't have a fucking hostage. cool it Walter. Those are the fucking rules. She . Vee still vant zat money or vee fuck you up. there never was any money. vee still vant ze money. That's what ransom is. pal. man. firelight.German. DUDE Hey. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase. The Germans stop conferring.

Walter!. With a ring of steel. Walter. Walter? WALTER 'S TONE IS GENTLE: WALTER They won't hurt us. . Dieter produces a glinting saber. WALTER (grimly) What's mine is mine. THE CONFERENCE ENDS: DIETER Okay. men are cowards. Dude. The Dude is digging into his pocket. in German. Donny. to the Germans. as he looks in his wallet: DUDE Four dollars here! He inspects the change in his palm. WALTER Fuck you. Almost five! DUDE These DONNY (tremulously) I got eighteen dollars. burning with hatred. DUDE Come on. we're ending this thing cheap. Vee take ze money you haf on you und vee call it eefen. Dieter's. DUDE Come on. are locked on WALTER What's mine is mine. Donny is visibly frightened. Walter's eyes.WALTER AND I'D LIKE MY UNDIES BACK! The Germans confer again. DONNY Are they gonna hurt us. Louder.

his leather pants squeaking and popping. In a rage. the Dude leans back. a loud cry with each kick. MAN! VEE TAKE YOUR WALTER Come and get it. Dipshit with a nine-toed woman. bowling The DIETER I FUCK YOU! ball thuds into his chest and lifts him off his feet. Fucking nihilist. I FUCK YOU! WALTER hurls his leather satchel. DUDE He rushes Franz but draws up short as Franz sends out karate gives throwing his kicks. WALTER His jaw is still clamped on Dieter's ear. is caught off-guard. KIEFFER Watching Dieter's charge. his uzi clattering away. WALTER twists away as Dieter reaches him. evading the kicks. Dieter Franz draws his . MAN! MONEY! WALTER (coolly) Come and get it.DIETER VEE FUCK YOU UP. draws Dieter's head up to his mouth. Nihilist. I FUCK YOU! DIETER I FUCK YOU! WALTER Show me what you got. which on Dieter's ear. arms up. DIETER VEE FUCK YOU UP. grabs Dieter's head in closes both hands. He falls back. Dieter charges.

he worries his ear. hands raised to deliver karate blows. WALTER still worrying the ear. both now panting heavily. I With a tearing sound his head FRANZ Its volume shoots up. into As he reaches the Dude--WHHAP--the frame to smash him in the face. VEAKLING! WALTER draws back his fist. Growling as Dieter screams. DUDE The Dude and Franz. drawing blood. SCREAMS: DIETER I FUCK YOU! YOU CANNOT HURT ME! BELIEF IN NUSSING! Walter spits his ear into his face. NUSSING! ANTI-SEMITE! drops Dieter Bam!--A powerhouse blow to the middle of his face for the count. DUDE AND FRANZ to With a piercing shriek Franz finally summons the nerve charge the Dude. DIETER. and Dieter's separate. evading Franz's kicks. EARLESS. . THE SABER Dieter drops it. boom box swings DIETER WALTER Franz continues to kick.saber against Walter's side. waggling his head with his jaws clamped. Walter doesn't react to the wound. DUDE Awkwardly circling. have yet to establish body contact.

quiet. Donny-WALTER Hurry Dude. reassuring hand on Donny's shoulder.Walter bashes him a few more times over the head. also panting. DUDE Wha. WALTER There weren't any shots. then quiet. . to The Laid out now. go from the Dude DUDE They shot him. Might pass out. Hy God! No Dude. rises and trots over. music too is screeches to static. Walter! WALTER to Walter. Dude. wide. Walter. Dude. panting. One hand still clutches his eighteen dollars. Franz With a hand pressed to his bleeding side he trots over Donny. The Dude. good buddy. . The Dude runs into the lanes. His eyes. WALTER Rest easy. All quiet. WALTER It's a heart attack. DUDE Then what's. DUDE They shot Donny! Donny gasps for air. I'd go but I'm pumping blood. looks around.. DUDE WALTER Call the medics.. you're doing Walter lays a . WALTER We've got a man down. Wha. who lies gasping on the ground.

WALTER DONNELLY We have the urn. those of the other. Excuse me? Nothing. uh. DUDE The Dude. eyes the Dude's bowling attire and sunglasses and army surplus. DONNELLY DUDE DONNELLY Yes. THE DUDE AND WALTER --nondescript hand off They sit side by side. FADE OUT HOLD IN BLACK We got help choppering in. enters He nods through a door. He Walter's A tall thin man in a conservative black suit enters. you. They wait. forearms on knees. DUDE Jeffrey Lebowski. Yeah. I understand you're taking away the remains. Walter bounces the fingertips of one They sit. bereaved? Yeah man. WALTER Walter Sobchak. Pleased to meet Is what.fine. actually. DUDE You are the MAN Francis Donnelly. gentlemen. Another man in a black suit to carefully deposit a large silver urn on the . in a waiting area. MAN Hello. but doesn't make an issue of it.

towards He takes it. sit head Silence. WALTER Yeah. pointing. WALTER This is a hundred and eighty dollars. DUDE Well can we-WALTER A hundred and eighty dollars?! DONNELLY They range up to three thousand. Donnelly gives back a mortician's smile. DONNELLY And I assume this is credit card? He is vaguely handing a large leather folder across the desk to whomever wants to take it. WALTER What's this? DONNELLY That is for the urn. puts on reading glasses that halfway down his nose. At length Walter holds the bill Donnelly. We're scattering the ashes. DONNELLY Yes sir. we must of course transmit the remains to you in a receptacle. so we were informed. However.desktop. It is our most modestly priced receptacle. DONNELLY Yes. and inspects the bill with his pulled back for focus and cocked for concentration. but we're-DUDE Can we just rent it from you? DONNELLY . The Dude smiles at Donnelly. WALTER Yeah. WALTER Don't need it. opens it.

WALTER Donny was a good bowler. clears his throat. and a good man. this is a mortuary.DAY walk background is It is a high. And a good friend. He was a man who loved the outdoors. He died--he died as so many of his generation. don't you have something else you could put it in? DONNELLY That is our most modestly priced receptacle. one lonely car. please lower your voice-DUDE Hey man. In your wisdom you took him. WALTER We're scattering the fucking ashes! Walter-DUDE WALTER JUST BECAUSE WE'RE BEREAVED DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE SAPS! DONNELLY Sir. before his time. He was. When they reach the edge the two men stand Finally: Walter and the Dude Parked in the WALTER IS THERE A RALPH'S AROUND for a beat. And he was an avid bowler.Sir. . GODDAMNIT! HERE?! POINT DUME -. . Lord. WALTER I'll say a few words. wind-swept bluff. not a rental house. As you took so many bright flowering Walter . plastic awkwardly Walter is carrying a bright red coffee can with a blue lid. and bowling. towards the lip of the bluff. The Dude clasps his hands in front of him. He was one of us. Walter's. and as a surfer explored the beaches of southern California from Redondo to Calabassos.

Theodore--Donald--Karabotsos. standing stands. the Dude finally explodes. He starts brushing off the Dude with his hands. slapping Walter's hands away. WALTER Goddamn wind. Walter is peeling the plastic lid off the coffee can. Heretofore motionless. These young men gave their lives. who loved bowling. . DUDE You make everything a fucking travesty! WALTER Dude. Finished eulogizing. DUDE Goddamnit Walter! asshole! Dude! You fucking WALTER Dude. Donny who. in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been. WALTER Shit. The Dude frozen. sweet prince. which you loved so well. . And Donny too. I'm sorry Dude. I'm--it was an accident! The Dude gives Walter a furious shove. I'm sorry! The Dude is near tears. Walter looks back. AS HE SHAKES OUT THE ASHES: WALTER Goodnight. just to the side of and behind Walter. we commit your mortal remains to the bosom of. Walter clears his throat. WALTER the Pacific Ocean. WALTER And so. The wind has blown all of the ashes into the Dude. at Khe San and Lan Doc and Hill 364. .young men.

GARY Good luck tomorrow. you know. and. bowling shirt. release. almost lost. WALTER Shit Dude. uh. Let's go bowling. man. then wraps his arms around the Dude.DUDE What about that shit about Vietnam! WALTER Dude. fuck it Dude. I'm sorry-DUDE What the fuck does Vietnam have to do with anything! What the fuck were you talking about?! Walter for the first time is genuinely distressed. The "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" has come up on the jukebox. Walter! He gives Walter a weaker shove. through--gracefully. his We watch each of them glide across the floor. Well. BAR AREA The Dude walks up to the bar. . Walter seems dazed. They are quite good. THE LANES THE DUDE AND WALTER BOWLING follow before. DUDE Two oat sodas. I'm sorry-DUDE You're a fuck. DUDE We have never seen them bowl Each wears a black armband on Thanks. Gary. GARY Sorry to hear about Donny. WALTER Awww. DUDE Yeah. sometimes you eat the bear. and Stranger ambles up to the bar. Right.

hey man. the Dude. THE STRANGER Sure. then looks the camera. but I take comfort in that. Gary. I gotcha. abides. into He gives his head a shake of appreciation. DUDE Oh.Take care. The bartender has put two gleaming beers on the counter. The Stranger's eyes crinkle merrily. Dude. But . DUDE Thanks. The Stranger drawls. Take it easy. ups and downs. dontcha think? Made me laugh to beat the band. I gotta get back. Things seem to've worked out pretty good for the Dude'n Walter. THE STRANGER Wouldn't miss the semis. man.THE STRANGER Howdy do. takin' her easy for all us sinners. you know. anyway. LEAVING. savoring the THE STRANGER The Dude abides. that about does her. THE STRANGER I don't know about you. been goin'? I wondered How things DUDE Ahh. THE DUDE. the Dude Gazing after him.. Dude--I know that you will. Parts. Welp. and it was a purt good story. words: DUDE Well.. It's good knowin' he's out there. Course--I didn't like seein' Donny go. how are ya? if I'd see you again. I sure hope he makes The finals. Strikes and gutters. you know. NODS: Yeah man. Shoosh. THE STRANGER Sure. wraps her all up.

happen to know that there's a little Lebowski on the way.. uh hope you folks enjoyed yourselves. I guess that's the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin' it-self.. look at me..aw. Wal. As his voice fades: THE STRANGER . across the sands a time until-. As we pull away The Stranger swivels in to the bar.Say friend. down through the generations. to pull He brushes his hat brim with a fingertip as we begin back. I'm ramblin' again.. THE END . ya got any more a that good sarsaparilla?. THE STRANGER Catch ya further on down the trail. westward the wagons.then.