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Improving personal relations Tetsuaki Miyachi Teija Turtio Cláudia Gonçalves Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes Alexandria Paulsen Castle Fung NHL University Japan Suomi/Finland Portugal Portugal United States Hong Kong The Netherlands
Editing house: Ter verpoozing ISBN: 978-90-73064-15-7 NUR 874 Peize 2011 Editors: Gerard Stout /Alexandria Paulsen
All rights reserved. Nothing may be reproduced without written permission of the editor.
Photo cover: Alexandria Paulsen Illustrations inside: International students / G. Stout
This book was made possible by financial support of the science department of the Institute Education & Communication NHL University in Leeuwarden, The Netherlands. www.nhl.nl 
Life is easy, hard to find out
Introduction All is learning Experience Describing what you see Light of Illusion Beans in my Pocket The forbidden Fruit A real Trick down the Sock What goes in your Soul? Spot on the Floor Stick to what you ask Presence fills the Room Respect at first Sight Hou do u speall thet ? Stay involved
Table of contents
Politeness Politeness in America Rudeness is much more Expensive Do not do that, do not say it Politeness in Finland Politeness in Hong Kong Make Noise in Japan Dutch Politeness Blockades in the front Epilogue Epilogue (editor)
54 56 62 68 74 79 82 84 85 86
7 8 12 14 18 20 24 28 32 36 40 44 48 50
ommunication seems easy, but sometimes it is hard to find effective ways to make contact in a polite way. In families, at schools, during work and in the street or public transport, everywhere people struggle to be friendly when opposing interests occur. In this book we compiled methods to improve relations. The main thing is not using a negative Pavlov reaction when communition is involved. Once you realize the power of your new instrument you may get addicted to friendliness and politeness. The contributions in this book offer you a multilingual approach that crosses borders. The main aim is looking for the things that unite people, especially in all their variations when approaching fellow human beings. Unite, do no separate. Six international students studying at NHL University of professional education followed a course on class management. The main question: How to keep school children interested – and disciplined – in a classroom? They took the opportunity to make this internationally oriented book, adding advices in their own languages. Differences along with common aspects of their own cultures are also clearly reflected in their discussion of politeness in their homelands. This book shows what can be achieved if cooperation is the main objective; so that we all may seek what makes the world better and a more pleasant place to live. The world is a global school. We use differences to unite.
want you to think about a child who is learning how to walk. First, she stands up leaning on the chair or couch and after awhile she falls down on her butt. What do the parents do? They are excited; our baby can stand, wohoo! Next the baby learns to stand on her own and after awhile she takes her first steps. What do the parents do? They are once again ablaze with excitement; our baby can walk, wohoo! When the baby starts standing next to a chair or when she falls down after a couple steps the parents never say “our baby is bad” or “our baby does it wrong” because the baby is learning. She is having a new experience. Now I want you to think about life because life goes on exactly the same way. Everything you do especially when it is happening with other people is a new experience. Moments are always unique. There is no such a thing as “the wrong way” to do something or failing because everything you do is a learning experience. You are taking steps down the path of life; it is truly your life and nobody else is going to live it for you. Don’t be afraid to live your dream and have all the learning experiences that lead you on your way forward. The world is yours.
All is Learning Experience
yydän sinua miettimään lasta, joka opettelee kävelemään. Ensin hän mitä luultavimmin ottaa tukea tuolista nousten huterasti jaloilleen. Voit varmasti kuvitella, miten vanhemmat reagoivat tähän. He ovat tietysti riemuissaan; ”Meidän vauva nousi seisomaan, upeaa!” Seuraavaksi lapsi oppii seisomaan ilman tukea ja pian hän ottaa ensimmäiset askeleensa pyllähtäen hetken kuluttua maahan. Ja miten vanhemmat reagoivat tähän? He ovat jälleen innoissaan; ”Meidän vauva osaa kävellä, mahtavaa!” Kun lapsi nousee ensimmäisen kerran omin voimin seisomaan tai astuu ensimmäiset askeleensa, vanhemmat ovat onnensa kukkuloilla. He eivät koskaan vähättele lapsen taitoja tai sano, että hän tekee asiat väärin, sillä lapsi opettelee. Käveleminen on hänelle täysin uusi kokemus. Nyt tahdon sinun ajattelevan elämää, sillä se toimii täysin samalla tavalla, kuin ensimmäisten askeleidesi ottaminen. Kaikki mitä teet, on oppimista, erityisesti jos se on suhteessa muihin ihmisiin. Jokainen hetki on ainutlaatuinen. Ei ole olemassa kahta täysin samanlaista tilannetta. Viimeistään nyt on aika unohtaa sanat väärä ja epäonnistuminen, sillä niitä ei ole olemassa. Kuljet elämäsi polkua, jolla jokainen askel on oppimiskokemusta. Sinä rakennat elämäsi, valitset askeleesi, eikä kukaan muu tule tekemään sitä puolestasi. Sinulla on täysi valta siihen, joten älä pelkää elää unelmaasi ja nauttia niistä elämyksistä, jotka johdattavat sinua eteenpäin. Maailma on sinun.
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escriptions are all around us, they’re on TV, they’re on the radio, and they’re in the classroom. We use descriptions everyday; whether we’re describing how someone looks, or if we’re simply just trying to give directions to someone. However, who would have ever thought that using something as simple as a description could help you with your relationships. This is not just a trick to be used by teachers in the classroom but it can also be used by just about anyone. The way to make this trick work is as easy as describing exactly what you see, no description is too small or too insignificant. For example, let’s say you have a student in your classroom that sits with his feet on the desk. Well the first thought would be to immediately tell the student to get his feet off the desk, which might work, but then again it might not. Instead as a teacher you might try describing exactly what the student is doing. If he’s leaning back in his chair say it, if he’s smirking at you say that too. Describe out loud everything and anything you see that student doing. While describing what you see make sure that you keep eye contact with the student but remember to keep a smile on your face so your students aren’t frightened by you. Also, try taking a couple steps forward closer to the student when you begin this method, this will shorten the distance between you and your student, thus showing your student that you’re serious. (You can also use this
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Describing What You See
method of shortening the distance between you and your student if he still decides to keep his feet on the table. Standing behind the student during the entire lesson is a good way to get your student to put his feet down if the initial method didn’t work). However, after a couple minutes you can stop with the descriptions and continue on teaching your class. The student will more than likely put his feet on the floor where they belong, and in turn the other students will keep theirs on the floor as well. Describing what you see is a very easy trick to use in the classroom; it requires no special materials, just your description skills. However, this trick can be used where ever you see a problem that needs fixing. It can be used at the office with a coworker, or it can be used at home with a family member. Describing what you see is a simple and great way to get people to behave the way you want them to.
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apanese people bow when they greet a person who is a superior or an elder, in order to show respect. By bowing and lowering one’s head, you show that you are inferior to the person who is being greeted. The proper way to bow in Japan is to first stand up straight. Your heels must not touch each other, but they must not be spread too wide, and your hands are relaxed hanging at your sides. Then slowly lower the upper part of your body. While you are bowing, your face is also down, so you will not see the person you are greeting. Women greet in a slightly different way. If you are a woman, you have to put your hands not at your sides, but in front of your stomach, almost like you’re covering your stomach. It is often practiced by people in business occasion such as a shop attendant, a waiter, or a business person at a meeting. Bowing is not only done when people greet but it’s also practiced when a person makes an apology or gives thanks. In such cases, people will bow lower than they do during a greeting. All Japanese people are taught how to bow at school. When students greet teachers they have to bow, and when they enter the office of teachers they also have to bow. However, at school, it is not only the students but also the teachers that should bow. By bowing, teachers should show the respect they have for their students. Respect between people helps in building trust and cooperation among them, which is essential for a pleasant work environment in the classroom. It can be said that bowing could be the easiest way to make students feel comfortable and willing to learn.
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Light Of Illusion
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Light of Illusion
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en hier de foto broodtekst
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hen dealing with an unruly group of students it is easy for you as a teacher to become upset and consequently rude to your students. One way to keep track or make sure you’re complementing and encouraging your students is to use the beans in your pocket trick. Using this trick will allow you to easily keep track of how well you treat your students. First, start off with about ten beans in your left pocket, then during class whenever you say something nice to a student or complement a student on their work move one of the beans to your right pocket. I remember it this way because you’re moving the bean to the right pocket for doing something right (or correct). However, if you find yourself saying something mean or being rude to a student then you must take a bean out of the right pocket and put it back in the “wrong” pocket (the left pocket). This way you can see overall how respectful you are to your students. Start by doing this with only ten beans then try adding more to your pocket, for example add five beans a week. Then, once this starts getting easy try to make it through the entire day without having to return a single bean to your left pocket. Eventually, you can work your way up to starting the beans in your left pocket at the beginning of each new class and trying to get them all over to the right pocket before the end of the period.
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Beans in my Pocket
This trick can also be used for many other purposes other than trying to be more respectful to your students. For example if you have trouble calling your students by their name you could transfer a bean each time you use a student’s name. Or, if you have trouble making eye contact with your students you can transfer a bean every time you make eye contact. The possibilities are endless; if you’re having trouble with something in the classroom and need a way to keep track of your improvements beans in your pocket is a great way to get you to where you want to be in your classroom. Keep in mind though that this trick does not have to be done with beans, it can be done with all sorts of small items. For example, you could instead use paperclips, coins, or buttons, which ever you feel more comfortable with will work the best.
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ost people feel a special satisfaction to disobey the rules; this can be justified by the fact that we live in a society full of rules and norms of good behavior. Some people feel trapped in such a way that they’re lead to obtain pleasure through the act of breaking laws, which can result in the possibility of being reprimanded. It’s a fact that disobeying a rule gives us pleasure, it stimulates us, and makes us feel superior. We get this feeling because we know there’s a possibility of being punished. Rules and restrictions come along with the role of human being, in reality it’s like being told what to do and thus a mechanism of opposition is activated. Throughout our lives we have always been confronted with these prohibitions; during our childhood when our parents told us “not to go there” we would do just the opposite. It’s almost as if those words were uttered as a motivator to pursue action, and consequently our action was understood as an act of rebellion, while on our part we just proved them wrong. The same applies when we are in our group of friends and they say “I bet you can not do this” and that is where we again go against the rules: as if it were an act of approval, showing that they are wrong and that we are superior. Even when the our teacher tells us to be silent, this attitude is seen as a confrontation, as the beginning of a battle between student and teacher, and in which we must resist and challenge the symbol of
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The Forbidden Fruit
authority that is before us. For human beings the ‘forbidden words’ are seen as a sign of weakness. For example, when a teacher in the classroom starts yelling at a student and loses control, it is as if you were to tell the student he got what he wanted; which was to cause the teacher to lose control in the classroom. These ‘forbidden words’ try to impose a rebellious will on other people. A teacher can force a student to obey, but no man can be the ruler of an other man’s heart. When managing people it is easier to say what you want people to do in a different light. People are expecting a Pavlov reaction. People expect us to say the ‘forbidden words’ and when we do not, they are surprised. In this method, not using ‘forbidden words’ is the answer to the problem because the best method to control someone is through the element of surprise.
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maioria das pessoas sente uma especial satisfação ao transgredir as normas, isto pode-se justificar pelo facto de vivermos numa sociedade cheia de regras e normas de bom comportamento, algumas pessoas sentem-se de tal forma prisioneiras destas leis o que as leva a obter prazer transgredindo algo pelo qual seriam repreendidas. É o facto de sabermos que está a transgredir uma regra que nos dá prazer, nos estimula e nos faz sentir superiores, pois sabemos que podemos ser punidos. Faz parte do ser humano quando nos proíbem algo é como que nos dissessem para o fazer na realidade, como que um mecanismo de oposição fosse activado. Ao longo da nossa vida sempre fomos confrontados com estas proibições; durante a nossa infância, quando os nossos pais nos diziam “não vás para ai” era ai, então, que o fazíamos, como se aquelas palavras proferidas fossem um motivador para levar a cabo a acção, sendo entendido como um acto de rebeldia da nossa parte e provando-lhes que estavam errados. O mesmo se passa quando estamos no nosso grupo de amigos e nos dizem “aposto que não consegues fazer isso” e é ai que o fazemos, como se fosse um acto de aprovação, mostrando que estão errados e que somos superiores; ou mesmo quando o nosso professor nos diz para estar-mos calados, para não falar-mos com o colega do lado essa atitude é tida como um confronto,
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O fruto proibido
Cláudia Pena Gonçalves
como o inicio de uma batalha entre aluno e professor, e no qual temos de resistir e enfrentar “aquele” símbolo de autoridade que está perante nós. Para o ser humano as “palavras proibidas” são encaradas como um sinal de fraqueza, por exemplo, quando um professor na sala de aulas começa a gritar com um aluno e perde o controlo é como que se estivesse a dizer ao aluno que ele consegui o que queria, fazer com que o professor perdesse o controlo dentro do seu ambiente. Para a superioridade das pessoas é mais fácil profetizar as “palavras proibidas” do que tentar explicar ou mesmo contornar a situação por outras palavras, dizelas numa outra vertente. É por isto que as pessoas esperam que digamos as “palavras proibidas” e quando não o fazemos é como que as surpreendêssemos. É neste método, não utilizando “palavras proibidas”, que está a resposta para o problema, pois o melhor método para controlar alguém é surpreende lo.
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ower and leadership are the desire of many, but just a few can reach it; however you can be one of them. You don’t need money, because power is not for sale. You don’t need to wait, because leadership does not grow in trees. You don’t need to ask, for these forces must come from you. If you do not trust your actions, if you do not adopt a self-assured behavior and if you do not believe in yourself, who will? To succeed in life and be a winner you need to have confidence in yourself and be smarter than the others. Of course you do not have to be a cheater and losing your ethics and morals to do it, but hiding something from their eyes can be a real trick up the sleeve ... or down the sock. Just write a special note to yourself and keep it with you. Paper is light and cheap, the ink is long lasting, but the responsibility you put on the note is hard and heavy. The weight of the word that you keep in your sock will not let you forget your duty, and at the end of the day, you will not want to look at it with disappointment. At first glance, the little paper could seem helpless and innocent, but take my advice, don’t always trust your first impression. Appearance can cheat the eye and your simple note may actually become a real source of self-assertion and inspiration.
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A Real Trick Down the Sock
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
On the paper, you do not need to be shy and you have no restrictions. Write that you are brave, write that you are a leader, write that you are confident, or maybe just write that you love your wife;but no matter what you write and this simple piece of paper will condition your behavior and educate the way you act within society. On paper there are no forbidden words.
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oder e liderança são o desejo de muitos, mas só alguns conseguem alcançalo. Tu podes ser um deles. Não precisas de dinheiro, o poder não está à venda. Não precisas esperar, a liderança não cresce das árvores. Não precisas pedir, estas forças têm de vir de ti. Se tu não confiares nas tuas acções, se não adoptares um comportamento autoconfiante, e se não acreditares em ti mesmo, quem acreditará? Para ter sucesso na vida e ser um vencedor tu precisas ter confiança em ti próprio e ser mais esperto do que os outros. Claro que não tens de ser um batoteiro e perder a tua ética e moral para fazêlo, mas esconder algo dos seus olhos pode ser um verdadeiro truque na manga … ou na meia. Escreve apenas uma nota especial para ti próprio e guarda-a contigo. O papel é leve e barato, a tinta é duradoura, mas a responsabilidade é dura e pesada. O peso da palavra que guardaste contigo não te vai deixar esquecer o teu dever, e no final do dia, não vais querer olhar para ela com desapontamento. À primeira vista, o pequeno papel poderá parecer inofensivo e inocente, mas aqui vai um concelho, não confies nas primeiras impressões. A aparência engana e a tua simples nota pode realmente vir a ser uma verdadeira fonte de autoconfiança e inspiração.
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Um Verdadeiro Truque na Meia
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
No papel tu não precisas ser tímido e não tens restrições. Escreve que és bravo, escreve que és um líder, escreve que és confiante, ou talvez escreve apenas que amas o teu marido, e esse simples pedaço de papel vai condicionar o teu comportamento e educar a forma como ages dentro da sociedade. No papel não há palavras proibidas.
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oday sincerity may seem like somewhat of a contradictory word, because we live in a society in which we tend to censor who we are. We do what we love, but we still see people turning their cheek when confronted with inequality. This type of behavior makes me wonder if there is still honesty in this world. Honesty may be regarded as a flaw but it really is a sign of loyalty to ourself and to those around us. Honesty may seem like an indication of weakness, but it really is a sign of strength.
What Goes in Your Soul
Cláudia Pena Gonçalves
Sometimes it is not easy to tell what goes on inside our soul. We submit to it or it overwhelms us. We assume that we have no authority to tell others, because we may be unable to say what we think, because we don’t want to hurt someone, or because we think it’s politically or morally incorrect.
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Always tell what goes on in your soul, no matter how difficult it may seem, it is always the best answer to your problems. This will allow others to know what’s going on in your mind and what you’re thinking about which could change their behavior, thus providing a better relationship.
Trying to hide what goes on in our minds and what fills our hearts is the worst solution. Trying to counteract our state of mind only brings about the same feelings that we want to cover up.
The main objective is the understanding and proper functioning of both parties. For instance in the case of a classroom, where friction between the students and the teacher is present, the best solution would be for both parties to express their discontent and opposing views; and thus allowing them to coexist in the same space.
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alar em sinceridade nesta época, pode parecer um pouco contraditório, e não deixa de sêlo, pois numa sociedade que nos censura por sermos quem somos, por fazermos o que amamos, onde vemos pessoas a virar a cara à desigualdade, questionome se ainda existe sinceridade “neste pedaço de terra”. Contudo a sinceridade deveria ser a palavra de ordem nos dias de hoje, podendo ser considerada como um sinal de fraqueza mas sendo um sinal de lealdade para connosco e para com os que nos rodeiam. Por vezes não é fácil dizer o que nos vai na alma. Submetemonos, subjugamonos, ou porque, consideramos que, não temos autoridade para dizer o que pensamos, ou porque não queremos magoar alguém, ou porque achamos politicamente incorrecto ou moralmente falso. Tentarmos esconder aquilo que nos percorre a mente e nos invade o coração é a pior das soluções. Tentar contrariar o nosso estado de espírito só vai evidenciar esse mesmo sentimento. Dizermos sempre o que nos vai na alma, por muito que possa parecer difícil, é sempre a melhor resposta para os nossos problemas, pois saberão o que nos vai na mente e o que pensamos acerca de e poderão, ambos, adequar o seu comportamento, para uma melhor convivência. Pois o principal objectivo é o entendimento e o bom funcionamento entre ambas as partes.
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Diz sempre o que te vai na alma
Cláudia Pena Gonçalves
Veja se o caso de uma sala de aulas, onde existe um atrito entre alunos e professor, o melhor seria ambos exprimirem o seu descontentamento e exporem opiniões de modo a tentar resolver os problemas existentes entre ambos os lados e deste modo poderem coexistir no mesmo espaço.
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n the Happy Kingdom, life is full of happiness everyday, like performing happiness music. All these people in Happy Kingdom live a happy life, often wearing a smile, so they do not understand why people in other countries are always wearing a frown. The King of Happy Kingdom decides to promote the happiness to other countries, so the public is asked to bring their instruments in order to spread happiness. Peter goes to Busy Kingdom with his flute. In Busy Kingdom, people are always working and they rarely wear a smile. Peter goes to the side of a newspaper stall in Busy Train Station and performs the happiness music at eight o’clock in the morning every day. Regardless of the storm or extremely cold weather, he performs on time in a Busy Train Station. At first, the pedestrians thought he wanted to earn money for playing his flute, but all of them are attracted by Peter’s performance. When they hear his music, they feel happy, and then they go to their jobs and work hard. Day after day, the pedestrians get used to look at the side of newspaper stall at 8 a.m. in Busy train Station, because this is the position of Peter. If you want your students to focus on your lessons, you can stand in a fixed position. If the students don’t focus on your lesson, you can walk in front of the students to attract their attention and then return to your fixed position to continue your lesson. Later on, students will be accustomed to look at your fixed position. This is the position of you.
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Spot on the Floor
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Spot on the Floor
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en hier de foto
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eople are busy nowadays. You have so many things to do that you have to do various things at the same time, and many people have gotten used to that lifestyle. Teaching is a very busy job and you have to do it smart, however, when you are in a classroom, it’s better to do one thing at a time. To keep order in a class, you ask students to do things, for example to open a textbook and get ready for the lesson. If you were doing another thing while you are asking them to do so, like looking at some paper or writing something on a blackboard, students would think that you are just saying it and your word is not important. You may have too many things to do outside of your classroom or you may have a lot of things to teach in one class. It is easy to distract yourself from your questions, but you need to have a good relation with your students, and it is important to show that you really want them to do so. So stick to what you ask before you start something new.
Stick to What You Ask
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en hier foto
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Stick to What You Ask
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en hier foto
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atti lives in the valley of Quiet Trees, just next to the hill of Brave Birds where Teppo lives. They were born on the same day, under the same stars which predicted similar futures for them. This day is their birthday and a sunny day it is. Every time when somebody is having a birthday both villages gather to the market to celebrate. There is a birthday rock in the middle of the market where the celebrators stand to speak. Matti and Teppo leave the house early, knowing that the villagers are waiting to celebrate with them. Matti is feeling nervous and he thinks for a moment, how to escape from the situation. He fears that he will fail. “What if everybody starts laughing at me? What if I lose my voice?” Matti didn’t really know how to act and without noticing he started to scratch his head. When meeting passerby’s he avoids eye contact as that would help him to escape the whole situation. Teppo is feeling good and excited. Today is his day and he will get all the attention. He runs excited out to the yard and greets passer by’s looking straight in their eyes. “Oh, people are in a good mood today, even Cranky Coat seemed happy for me.” He continues his journey with good posture. When Teppo reaches the Market everyone is giving
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Presence Fills the Room
their congratulations to him and he shakes hands and hugs villagers. When he climbs on the birthday rock everyone stops speaking and wants to hear what Teppo has to say. Matti groaned his way into the market. He uncomfortably thanked people for the congratulations he heard while staring at his feet. Matti’s friends come to hug and congratulate him. Some of the villagers shake hands with Matti. He walks around and around the birthday rock and scratches his head. Eventually some villager shouts: “It’s time for Matti to climb on the rock.” Matti stands with poor posture over the rock and sees that his friends are looking at him. Most of the villagers continue with their own things and Matti quietly thanks everyone and quickly gets down. When you arrive at class or are in a situation which you control, arrive there as Teppo; keep your head up, hold good posture and look into the eyes of your listeners. Say hello to everyone and if you ask for something, for example silence, wait until you get it before continuing. Keep yourself as the king of the situation by filling the whole room with your awesome energy.
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atti asuu Hiljaisten Puiden Laaksossa, aivan Uskallus Kallioiden vieressä. Teppo puolestaan asuu noilla korkeilla kallioilla. Matti ja Teppo ovat syntyneet samana päivänä, samojen tähtien loistaessa heille samankaltaista tulevaisuutta. Tänään on heidän syntymäpäivä ja aurinkoinen päivä se onkin. Molemmissa kylissä on tapana kokoontua Torille juhlimaan syntymäpäiväsankaria koko kylän voimin. Siellä syntymäpäiväsankari nousee juhlakivelle, kertomaan kuulumisia ja tarinoita. Matti ja Teppo lähtevät aamuvarhain liikkeelle, tietäen, että oven ulkopuolella odottaa suuret huomionosoitukset.
Olemuksesi täyttää huoneen
Teppo on puolestaan innoissaan. Tänään on hänen juhlapäivänsä ja hän saa kaiken huomion. Hän kirmaa innoissaan pihalle ja tervehtii jokaista vastaantulijaa silmiin katsoen. ”Onpas ihmiset tänään hyvällä tuulella, Kurttunaaman Pässikin tuntui hymyilevän
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Matti tuntee olonsa hermostuneeksi ja miettii hetken, miten voisi paeta tilannetta. ”alan kuitenkin hikoilemaan auringossa ja kieleni menee solmuun vastaillessa kysymyksiin.” Hän ei oikein tiedä miten päin olisi ja huomaamattaan alkaa sukimaan partaansa. Pihalle päästyään hän välttelee katsekontaktia, kuin paetakseen niin koko tilannetta.
Matti vaikeroi tiensä torille kiittäen vaivaantuneesti onnitteluita, joita hän kuulee samalla kun katselee käveleviä jalkojaan. Perille päästyä lähimmäiset ystävät tulevat halaamaan Mattia onnitellakseen häntä. Osa kyläläisistä käy kättelemässä Mattia. Matti kiertelee ja kaartelee kiven ympärillä ja sukii jälleen partaansa. Lopulta joku kyläläisistä huutaa; ”Eiköhän ole Matin aika nousta juhlakivelle.” Matti Nousee kivelle ja näkee ystäviensä katsovan häntä. Suurin osa kyläläisistä jatkaa omia juttujaan ja Matti kiittää nopeasti kaikkia onnitteluista ja laskeutuu hartiat kumarassa pois kiveltä.
minulle.” Hän jatkaa matkaansa torille selkä suorana astellen. Torille päästyään kaikki onnittelevat Teppoa ja hän kättelee sekä halailee kyläläisiä. Syntymäpäivä kivelle noustuaan kaikki hiljentyvät kuuntelemaan, mitä hänellä on sanottavaa. Teppo seisoo ryhdikkäästi juhlakivellä ja aloittaa kuuluvalla äänellä puheensa, kiittäen paikalle saapuneita kyläläisiä.
Kun saavut luokkaan tai tilanteeseen, jota sinä johdat, saavu sinne kuin Teppo; pää pystyssä, ryhti suorassa ja katso kuuntelijoitasi silmiin. Tervehdi jokaista ja jos pyydät jotain, kuten hiljaisuutta, odota, että saat sen ennen kuin jatkat. Pidä itsesi tilanteen herrana, täyttämällä koko huone omalla energiallasi.
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rom the first time two people look at each other, they have an immediate perception. This perception will become an opinion, which may be positive or negative. Each single person wants to give a good first impression. Nowadays, everyone is looking for a remote control that makes it possible to dominate social relationships. All of us want to be admired and have the society’s attention, but people don’t always get what they want… Do you dream of respect? Expensive clothes and jewelry are not the key. Do you wish to impose the order? You could scream, but people will not listen. Do you want to be intimidating? You do not need weapons. If you learn how to make eye contact, you will shoot directly your enemy, without repraisals or punishment.
Respect at First Sight
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
“The eyes are the mirror of the soul.”
Eye contact is not only a meeting between the eyes of two individuals, but also a confrontation between their personality, determination, and will. It is a challenge, and sometimes really difficult to hold before someone has to give up. Did you already hear about respect at first sight?
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No matter the age, many people are disrespectful and irresponsible, challenging everything and everyone, believing that the world revolves around them. Try not to reply to provocations, at least with your mouth. Make eye contact and you will show a strong attitude and reach the control of everyday life, as well as the respect of everyone. Show them that you are not just looking, but actually seeing. There is only one opportunity to create a first impression, then you just have to keep it. Your look has to reflect confidence, audacity and firmness. Let someone in your sight, and you will see how your attention and approach have become reason of pure discomfort. When you release him, you will see how his behavior will change. If you win this battle, you will win the war! Hunter or prey, which one will you be?
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esde a primeira vez que duas pessoas se olham, elas têm uma percepção imediata. Esta percepção vaise tornar numa opinião, que pode ser positiva ou negativa. Cada pessoa quer dar uma boa primeira impressão. Nos dias de hoje, toda a gente procura um comando remoto que torne possível dominar as relações sociais. Todos nós queremos ser admirados e ter a atenção da sociedade, mas nem sempre as pessoas têm o que querem… Sonhas com respeito? Roupas e jóias caras não são a chave. Desejas impor a ordem? Podes gritar, mas as pessoas não vão ouvir. Queres intimidar? Não precisas de armas. Se aprenderes como fazer contacto visual, vais atingir directamente o teu inimigo, sem represálias ou punição.
Respeito à Primeira Vista
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
“Os olhos são o espelho da alma”.
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“Só há uma oportunidade para criar uma primeira impressão”, depois só tens de conservála. O teu olhar tem de reflectir confiança, audácia e firmeza. Deixa alguém de baixo da tua vista, e vais ver como a tua atenção e aproximação se tornaram razão de puro desconforto. Quando libertares essa pessoa, verás como o seu comportamento vai mudar. Se ganhares esta batalha, ganharás a guerra! Caçador ou presa, qual vais ser?
Não importa a idade, muitas pessoas são desrespeitosas e irresponsáveis, desafiando tudo e todos, acreditando que o mundo gira à sua volta. Tenta não responder a provocações, pelo menos com a boca. Faz contacto visual e vais mostrar uma atitude forte e conquistar o controlo da vida quotidiana, bem como o respeito de todos. Mostralhes que não estás apenas a olhar, mas realmente a ver.
Contacto visual não é apenas um encontro entre os olhos de dois indivíduos, mas também um confronto entre a sua personalidade, determinação e vontade. É um desafio, por vezes realmente difícil de suportar, onde alguém tem de desistir. Já ouviste falar em respeito à primeira vista?
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omeone once said that the golden rule is to treat others the way you want to be treated; however, time and time again we find people breaking this rule, or choosing not to follow this rule. Yes, it is true that not everyone can be pleased and that some people may not like or agree with your way of doing things. However, this is where “constructive criticism” comes in; you can give your opinion to someone, but in a polite, constructive, non-judgmental way. In a perfect world this would be the way, but in our world “constructive criticism” gets replaced with insults. These insults come with any profession; government officials, doctors, teachers, law enforcement officers, and even celebrities have experienced the blow of an insult. In the school setting children very often describe their teachers as being, “stupid, ridiculous, boring, bitchy, an asshole, etc.”. All of these words are not very nice, and being confronted with one of these adjectives in class may throw the teacher for a loop. How do you react? Do you send the student(s) to the principal’s office? Do you simply just ignore it? Do you snap back with an equally insulting comment? There are many different possibilities of handling a situation like this; the first and foremost thing to do however is to draw all the attention away from the meaning of the offensive word. Instead, as a teacher you start focusing on how the word is spelt; thus turning an embarrassing insult into
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Hou Do U Speall Thet?
a learning experience through a spelling lesson. This method can be easily carried out with just about any unpleasant word your students can cook up. Let’s say little Johnny decides to call you, the teacher, a “stupid bitch”. First, before you get the urge to curse your student out, write the insult on the board. But, here’s the trick, spell it incorrectly. So, instead of spelling the words “stupid bitch” on the board, write the insult this way “stoopid bitsch”. Then ask your students, is this what you mean? Obviously this is the incorrect way to spell it so your students will say “no, that’s not how it’s spelled”. This is exactly the reaction you want! Then erase the incorrect spelling and again rewrite it spelling it yet again incorrectly, but incorrectly in a different way from the first spelling. Once again ask the same question, and again you will get the same response. Do this a couple of times, you don’t want to overdo it, and then eventually ask your students how it’s supposed to be spelt. Write this correct spelling on the board, and then along with it ask your students to yell out any other insults they may know. Once the entire board is full and all the insults are out in the open you can tell your students that now you and they have seen all the nasty things someone can say, and so nothing will surprise you and you don’t need to hear them again. This method of turning an insult into a classroom spelling lesson is a great way to divert the attention away from the meaning of the word and into the spelling of the word.
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f teachers teach in a dull way, only reading and following the books, it is difficult for students to concentrate in class. Soon students will start to play, and other students will imitate each other, these actions will then result in classroom disruptions. Therefore, the arrangement in the lesson is very important. The teacher can design more interesting things to attract students and get them interested in learning. Nowadays, the students are not just listening to lectures in the classroom, but they’re also experiencing things as well. Teachers can arrange time to invite students to apply what they have learned; for example, students can apply reacting force to make water rockets. Also teachers can use online resources like YouTube or online software to assist their teaching. Students can focus better by using film, animation, or interactive games. These can attract the attention of students and motivate them to learn more. Moreover, teachers can use newspaper clippings and paintings in their lessons. Students are not only listening to what the teachers says, but they’re also enhancing their understanding of the subject through the use of visual aids. By using different variations the teacher can use the learning styles of the students. There are many learning styles: visual, audio, cognitive and a practical approach. Students have different approaches when they learn things, and not every student is alike.
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In fact, if teachers just spend a little creativity in teaching they can gain a lot. It is not only to attract the attention of students, but it can also improve the student’s retention.
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en hier de foto
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oliteness in America is a hit or miss; it’s just plain and simple, either someone is polite and possesses these traits or they don’t. There’s no cookie cutter shape of “politeness”. It also goes to say that America is a big place and that what is “polite” in one region might not be polite in another region. As a person you interact and experience politeness with many different people, they may be friends, family members, co-workers, or even complete strangers; and with their differences come differences in what is “polite” and what isn’t. For example, when you walk through a door that needs to either be pushed or pulled open it is polite to hold it open for someone that’s following behind you. This is considered polite regardless of your relationship or lack thereof with the person behind you; it is also considered as being polite all over America. However, holding the door open only needs to be done if someone is either a few paces in front of (coming through the door towards you) or behind you (following you through the door). Going along with opening the door, it is also polite to say thank you if someone opens the door for you, and you’re welcome if you are the one being thanked for opening the door. Please and thank you are golden words when trying to be polite. If you ask for directions or help you say please and when you receive that help you thank the person, this is polite and it’s just common courtesy. It
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Politeness in America
is also polite to help someone pick something up that they’ve either knowingly or unknowingly dropped. If you see someone carrying a handful of things and they drop something it is polite to help them pick it up so that they don’t drop everything they’re holding. Or if someone is holding their gloves in their hand and then drops one, it is polite to pick it up and hand it back to them. Helping your fellow man is the basic idea of American politeness. If you see someone struggling you try to help them, and if the tables are turned and someone helps you, you thank them. There are just three simple rules to follow when trying to be polite in America: * if you see someone that needs help in one way or another you try and help them; * say please if you are asking for something or if you need/want something; * say thank you when you receive something (whether it be help or a material item). Following these rules will allow you to be polite no matter where in America you travel to.
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“You can run but you can not hide.”
ll of us are living in a society, where all human beings, some more than others, have values deeply rooted within themselves. In all countries there are different people and cultures, and for this reason, there are different behaviors and etiquette rules. Portugal is no exception. Education is the fundamental building block which teaches us to behave in any place or situation.
Rudeness Is Much More Expensive
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
Are you invited to dinner? It is true that Portuguese people deal well with delays, however, you should arrive at convenient hours and greet all people in the room. Many women greet each other with two kisses on the cheek, and men, as well as a man and a woman, with a handshake. If someone offers you a drink or a snack, you must accept. Do not wait for the second chance, it could not come. If you want to be nice, bring a dessert or a bottle of wine to contribute for the dinner. To be polite, ask if you can help with anything. Do not feel bad because your help will probably be denied. At the beginning of the meal, you should wait to be served and start to eat at the same time as everyone else. If you do not like the food, put on a smile and say that you love it anyway.
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Do not talk loudly, or with your mouth full. Do not burp, that is really rude. And last, never leave your seat before everyone has finished eating, and don’t worry about cleaning your dish, the host will take care of that. Do you have a birthday party? Bring a gift to the birthday boy or girl, but keep in mind that unless it is an envelope with money your present will be opened immediately. Anyway, the birthday boy or girl will thank you and express the most sincere pleasure. Stay cool, people know how to lie very well when they feel necessary.
Do you have a job interview? Speak properly and dress in a formal way. Turn off the sound of your cell phone. Any interruption is a bad signal. Knock on the door and remove your hat when entering. Arrive on time and do not forget to introduce yourself. Nobody will do it for you. Keep focused!
If you know how to behave in these three situations, you will succeed and get much sympathy. I believe that the Portuguese people are easy to please, but are also easy to offend. Try to be attentive to detail. Help those who need attention, learn to listen, be polite, and have respect for yourself and the world around you. Otherwise you will lose more than you’ll win. Rudeness is much more expensive.
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“Podes fugir mas não te podes esconder”.
odos nós estamos a viver numa sociedade, onde todos os seres humanos, uns mais do que outros, têm valores profundamente enraizados dentro de si próprios. Em todos os países existem diferentes povos e culturas, e por esta razão, diferentes comportamentos e regras de etiqueta. Portugal não é uma excepção. A educação é um bloco de construção fundamental que nos ensina a comportar em qualquer sítio ou situação. Estás convidado para um jantar? É verdade que o povo português lida bem com os atrasos, de qualquer forma, deves chegar a horas convenientes e cumprimentar todas as pessoas na sala. As mulheres cumprimentam-se com dois beijos na bochecha, e os homens, tal como um homem e uma mulher, com um aperto de mão. Se alguém te oferecer uma bebida ou um aperitivo, deves aceitar. Não esperes pela segunda oportunidade, pode não vir… Se queres ser simpático, traz uma sobremesa ou uma garrafa de vinho para contribuir para o jantar. Para ser educado, pergunta se podes ajudar em alguma coisa. Não tenhas medo, a tua ajuda vai provavelmente ser negada. No início da refeição, deves aguardar seres servido e
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A Rudeza É Muito Mais Cara
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
Se souberes como te comportar nestas três situações, vais ter sucesso e ganhar muita simpatia. Eu acredito que o povo português é fácil de agradar, mas também fácil de ofender. Tenta ser atendo aos detalhes. Ajuda aqueles que precisam de atenção, aprende a ouvir, sê educado, e tem respeito por ti e pelo mundo que te rodeia, caso contrário vais perder mais do que ganhar. A rudeza é muito mais cara!
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começar a comer ao mesmo tempo que toda a gente. Se não gostares da comida, põe um sorriso nos lábios e diz que a adoras de qualquer das formas. Não fales alto, ou com a boca cheia. Não arrotes, é verdadeiramente rude. Por último, nunca deixes o teu lugar antes de todos terminarem de comer, e não te preocupes, não terás de lavar o teu prato. Tens uma festa de aniversário? Traz um presente para o aniversariante, mas mantém em mente que, a menos que seja um envelope com dinheiro, o teu presente será aberto imediatamente. De qualquer forma, o aniversariante vai agradecerte e expressar o mais sincero agrado. Fica calmo, as pessoas sabem mentir muito bem quando precisam. Vais a uma entrevista de emprego? Fala convenientemente e veste-te de uma forma formal. Desliga o som ao telemóvel. Qualquer interrupção é um mau sinal. Bate á porta e remove o chapéu ao entrares. Chega a horas e não te esqueças de te apresentar. Ninguém o fará por ti. Mantém-te focalizado!
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Do not do that, do not say it!
Do not chew with your mouth open. Cláudia Pena Gonçalves
Always says “please” when you ask someone for something. Be moderate, you should not speak loud. Learn to be discreet. Do not smoke without asking if you’re allowed. Do not take food into the cinema.
You should only leave the table after you ask the eldest person.
Do not drink from your glass until you’ve finished what’s in your mouth and make sure to wipe your lips. Do not drink all water or juice in one slurp.
Do not put too much food in your mouth. Do not make any noise while chewing.
Do not put your elbows on the table.
Do not walk with your pants dragging the ground.
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n the days of today, discussing rules of “good etiquette” always raises the most varied reactions among people. On one side we have the age group consisting of persons of full age, which gives great importance to certain codes of etiquette This place falls within a given social level, assuming a position in the eyes of society. On the other hand we have the age group constituted by younger individuals, where the traditional rules of good education are “no longer in use”; instead they tend to “revolutionize” these rules imposed over the years; trying to escape and change these same standards as a means of social statement, to fit a particular social group. All these social rules imposed over the years, have always constrained the progress of human history. Whenever there is another rule, norm, or value, it’s an added barrier to the inner self of man; so he can never, simply be, be himself. For there is always some rule that discriminates or censors you from being who you are or what you do. Even if you want to “escape” those rules imposed by a society that tends to stifle us, you
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At the table during the meal you cannot wear a cap, hat, or shirt without sleeves.
The guest of honor at a reception ceremony is presented to all guests and must stand beside the hostess.
When a woman is introduced to a man, she must reach out her hand, before the man does.
may be socially excluded because whoever does not incorporate these standards of “good etiquette” is put aside and rejected. But of these so called rules of good education, they are often not more than a facade. They only serve only to look like something; to simulate behaviors, feelings, and gestures, where the genuine gives place to fake and where everything around us is “artificial.” However, for most individuals, the rules of good education and behavior are the foundation of society; they are the ones who dictate what is right or wrong and make it possible to live together as a society. foto
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Diz sempre “por favor”, quando pedires algo a alguém; Não fumes, sem antes perguntares se podes; Não leves comida para o cinema; Se moderado, não fales alto; Não andes com as calças arrastar pelo chão;
Não coloques os cotovelos em cima da mesa; Não mastigues de boca aberta; Não enchas a boca de comida; Não faças barulho a mastigar; Não leves o copo à boca antes de engolires a comida e de limpares os lábios; Não bebas a água ou sumo de uma só vez; Só deves sair da mesa, depois de pedires licença à pessoa mais velha;
Não digas isso, não faças isso!
Cláudia Pena Gonçalves
Aprende a ser discreto; Quando uma mulher é apresentada a um homem, esta deverá estender a mão, antes que o homem o faça; À mesa da refeição nunca se usa boné, chapéu ou camisa sem mangas.
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O convidado de honra, numa recepção de cerimónia, é apresentado a todos os convidados e deverá ficar ao lado da anfitriã, à entrada e de pé;
os dias de hoje, falarmos em regras de boa etiqueta levanta sempre as mais variadas reacções entre as pessoas. Num lado temos a faixa etária constituída por pessoas de maior idade, que dá uma enorme importância a determinados códigos de etiqueta, que os inserem num determinado patamar social, assumindo uma posição aos olhos da sociedade; por outro lado temos a faixa etária constituída por indivíduos mais jovens, onde para estes as ditas regras tradicionais de etiqueta “já não se usam”, aonde tendem a “revolucionar” estas regras impostas ao longo dos anos, tentando fugir e alterar estas mesmas normas como forma de afirmação social, para se enquadrarem num determinado grupo social. Todas estas regras sociais, impostas ao longo dos anos, à civilização tem vindo a condicionar sempre o desenrolar da história do Homem. Sempre que surge mais uma regra, uma norma, um valor, é mais um entrave ao “eu” interior do Homem, fazendo com que este nunca possa, simplesmente, ser, ser ele próprio. Existe sempre alguma regra que o censura ou o descrimina por ser quem é, ou por fazer o que faz. Mesmo que queira “fugir” destas regras impostas por uma sociedade que nos tende a sufocar é excluído socialmente, pois quem não integra estas normas da boa etiqueta é posto à margem, é rejeitado. Mas estas ditas regras da boa educação, não são mais do que uma fachada, pois apenas servem para aparentar algo. Para simular comportamentos, sentimentos, gestos, onde o genuíno deu lugar ao dissimulado, onde tudo o que nos rodeia é “artificial”. Contudo, para a maioria dos indivíduos, as regras da boa educação são a base da sociedade, são elas que ditam o que está correcto ou incorrecto e tornam possível a convivência enquanto sociedade.
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The Finns are quiet people. Politeness is more passive than active. We need space around ourselves and we also give it to others. If you ever find yourself in Finland, you’ll notice this in public transports. If it’s possible we sit in our own bench lines, and if somebody sits next to us we rarely take contact to him or her. However we don’t mind if someone starts to talk; who would not like open and pleasant company.
uiet, private space, sauna, and perkele! I struggled in my mind to choose which one of those words would best describe the Finnish people. After a long moment I realized that each one of those tells the same story in a different view. I had to forget myself and look way back before I was able to dive deeper, or perhaps to rise closer, to the surface to get a picture of Finnish people and our ways to act.
Politeness in Finland
Small talk is not usual in Finland. We talk when we have something to say. We are do-people; actions speak louder than words. The rhythm of speaking is quite calm and when the speaker changes there might be long breaks. Silence is certainly not a negative thing for Finns. It gives indirect information from the situation. Small gestures and facial expressions or their absence can sometimes tell more than words, and on the other hand sometimes one word can give the same as long conversation.
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Finns often want to take foreign guests to the Sauna. The sauna is our pride and it is for many a holy place. In the sauna, Finns often open up and start to talk about their thoughts and meaning of life. In a sauna you can have a moment to relax and forget the rest of the world. If there is opportunity to swim in the lake, or during the winter in the ice, we take it. In the sauna we generally go naked, but often in male and female turns. Refusal is not offensive, as long as you have a good explanation. Even thought we have a sauna, and you might think we are used to closeness, the Finns are not accustomed to the intimacy and touching. When greeting Finns shake hands. Sometimes we might give a hug to a
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Finns do not have a lunch or drink-dating habit in a cafe. Generally people call each other for a visit. The normal way is to go to a friend’s place to have a cup of coffee or tea. To friends and family you can go without announcement but usually we have agreed on the date and time in advance. With coffee or tea Finns usually serve some small snacks and if a friend comes from a distance we may also make some food. When serving food we avoid taking it first, and you should only take what you can eat because it’s a bit impolite to leave it uneaten. Normally we thank our host and he or she answers with humble style; “It was nothing. I am happy that you liked it”. And as it is known Finns like to drink a lot. When we go to a bar we drink more than one or two portions, and often before that we have a pre-party at friend’s home.
The Finns are slowly warming people, but if you make friends with us we will be with you in your life’s good moments, as well as to support you in the difficult moments of your life.
friend, especially if the last meeting was long time ago. Women and children give more physical contact than Finnish men. Almost the only time you see men hugging each other is in sports like ice hockey. Lovers, children, parents, and young girls can walk hand in hand, otherwise touching is often thought as a sign of interest.
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iljaisuus, oma tila, sauna ja perkele! Kävin mielessäni kovaa kamppailua siitä, mikä näistä sanoista saisi Suomea parhaiten kuvaavan tittelin. Lopulta päädyin siihen, että jokainen näistä kertoo samaa tarinaa jokseenkin eri muodossa. Minun täytyi karsia uudet virrat ja unohtaa hetkeksi itseni, ennen kuin pystyin sukeltamaan syvemmälle tai ehkäpä nousemaan pinnemmalle kansamme luonteeseen.
Small-talk ei ole rantautunut Suomeen, vaan puhumme silloin kun on asiaa. Me olemme tekevää kansaa; toiminta voittaa sanat. Keskustelun tahti on melko rauhallinen ja puheenvuorojen vaihtuessa saattaa olla pitkiäkin taukoja. Hiljaisuus ei ole missään nimessä negatiivinen asia Suomalaisille, vaan se välittää epäsuorasti tietoa toisesta ja tilanteesta. Pienet eleet
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Suomalaiset ovat hiljaista kansaa. Kohteliaisuus on enemmänkin passiivista, kuin asioiden korostamista. Tarvitsemme tilaa ympärillemme ja sitä myös annamme toisille. Jos eksyt Suomeen, tulet huomaamaan tämän konkreettisesti julkisessa liikenteessä. Jos suinkaan mahdollista, istumme omille penkkiriveille ja epätodennäköisen vierustoverin kanssa teemme harvoin tuttavuutta. Emme kuitenkaan erityisesti paheksu keskustelua, kukapa ei avoimesta ja leppoisesta seurasta pitäisi.
ja ilmeet tai niiden pois jättäminen kertoo toisinaan enemmän kuin valtavat sanatulvat. Joskus yksi sana voi antaa saman, kuin pitkä keskustelu.
Suomalaiset eivät ole lounas tai yhden drinkin – tapailu väkeä. Yleensä kutsumme ihmiset luoksemme kyläilemään. Normaali tapa on käydä tuttavan luona kahvilla. Ystävien ja läheisten luokse voit mennä yllättäenkin, mutta yleensä sovimme päivän ja ajan etukäteen. Kahvin kanssa tarjoamme yleensä jotain pientä naposteltavaa ja jos ystävä tulee kauempaa, saatamme myös laittaa ruoan. Ruokaa tarjottaessa välttelemme ensimmäisenä ottamista, mutta ruokaa saatua on epäkohteliasta jättää sitä syömättä. Normaalisti kiitämme tarjoajaa ruuasta ja tarjoaja esittää vaatimatonta ”mukavaa kun maistui”tyylillä. Ja kuten yleisesti tiedetään, suomalaiset ovat juomakansaa. Aloittelemme usein kotona kavereiden kanssa ja baariin siirryttäessä emme tyydy ainoastaan yhteen tai kahteen tuoppiin. Sauna on meidän ylpeyden aihe ja se on monelle pyhä paikka. Saunassa jutellaan usein syntyjä syviä. Siellä rentoudutaan ja unohdetaan hetkeksi muu maailma. Suomalaiset haluavat usein viedä ulkomaalaiset vieraansa saunaan ja mahdollisuuden mukaan uimaan järveen tai talvella jopa avantoon. Saunaan lampsitaan yleisesti ottaen alasti, usein nais- ja miesvuoroin. Kieltäytyminen ei ole loukkaavaa, kunhan keksit hyvän selityksen.
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Vaikka Saunan olemassa olosta voisi päätellä toista,
suomalaiset eivät ole tottuneita yleiseen läheisyyteen ja kosketteluun. Tutut ja uudet tuttavat kätellään, samoin ystävät, mutta lähimmäiset ihmiset saatetaan tervehtiä myös halaamalla, varsinkin jos viime tapaamisesta on aikaa. Naisten ja lasten keskuudessa koskettaminen on yleisempää, mutta suomalaisilla miehillä on tietynlainen äijä –kulttuuri. He kättelevät tavatessa ja halaamista saatetaan tavata urheilun muodossa, esimerkiksi jääkiekkoilijoiden voittohuuman keskellä. Rakastavaiset, lapset ja vanhemmat tai nuoret tytöt saattavat kulkea käsi kädessä, muuten koskettelu tulkitaan usein kiinnostuksen merkiksi. Suomalaiset ovat omalla tavalla karkeaa kansaa, mutta jos meistä ystävän saat, tulemme olemaan mukanasi niin elämäsi hyvissä kuin tukenasi elämäsi vaikeissa hetkissä.
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The students may do some group projects. When they need somebody to help them or they need to borrow something, they will learn how to use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. And also, students will learn how to communicate with other politely. Fighting with each other to solve a problem is impolite. Finally, they will learn how to respect the teachers, classmates, family members and everyone else. Eventually they will become a polite person.
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When the students see the teachers, they should greet them with Mr, Miss, or nod. All the students will queue up and be focused on the morning assembly. It is impolite to chat with others while someone is telling you something. So, all of them will learn to focus and keep quite during the morning assembly. At the beginning of every lesson, students will stand up, bow, and say good morning to the teacher. Moreover, at the end of every lesson, students will stand up again, bow, and say good bye to the teacher. The aims are to let students concentrate on and respect their teacher.
In Hong Kong, children must learn how to be a polite person at school. There are some tangible and intangible elements that will immerse in the whole school life.
Politeness in Hong Kong
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Politeness in Hong Kong
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foto eetstokjes links
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hat you do in Japan depends on what you want, but you certainly eat. When you eat Japanese food, you have to be careful because there are some rules that you should follow in order not to disturb others.
First of all, we use chopsticks. It is quite difficult to control them, and there are a lot of things that you cannot do with them. For example, you must not lick and bite them, stab food with them, pull a dish with them, and hold and play with them like drum sticks. If you find it uncomfortable to use them, just ask for knives and forks. It is not a problem because we know it is difficult to use chopsticks.
Sushi is famous all over the world, but it is not the only choice in Japan. We eat a lot of noodles. As I mentioned above, it is difficult to use chopsticks, however, the more difficult part of eating noodles is that you have to slurp. Like in most western countries, it is rude to make noise, like opening your mouth while chewing, but slurping is an exception. It can be disgusting to hear the sound or embarrassing when you are not used to it, but actually for us, it is more embarrassing to see people trying not to make any noise while eating noodles. Especially when eating noodles, please suck it like a vacuum cleaner.
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he Dutch word for politeness is beleefdheid. It is related to gezellig, which when translated is similar to the word cozy. Sitting together, chatting, having coffee - tea is not really an appropriate drink during gezelligheid - laughing and gossiping. Chilling is the modern way of gezelligheid. During these cozy hours we like to tell everybody the ‘truth’. That means: our truth. No need to ask if we like you or not, we tell you anyway. Beware. Speaking out loud is the gold medal; while shutting up is bronze. Your religion, political preference, and sexlife, you name it and we ask about it. Politeness use to be all around in the Low Countries. It was a necessary way of living together in a large family without quarreling all day. Calvinistic politeness seemed a way of survival. People with different cultural backgrounds sometimes say we’re rude, and they may be right.These days, individualization has come to the foreground. Ego’s have grown in size and that means: more space per person. Watch out because we fill the room, and we know our spot. Parents, teachers, and other people concerned about the up bringing of young people have a hell of a job to teach them how to behave in an appropriate way. This is not accomplished by ignoring the personal qualities of children, but by teaching teenagers to say ‘thank you.’ The vocabulary for gratefulness is missing in today’s youth. If US citizens exaggerate being polite and friendly, the Dutch treat ignores the assets of helpfulness and cosiness. Politicians don’t exactly help to set good examples of decent behavior these days. Instead for them it’s all in the game. There are plenty of opportunities for teachers and other “polite” people to raise standards of communication between global citizens. It’s a wonderful world.
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Blocking factors illustration
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We found that the international exchange gives a fresh look at communication. At the same time there seem to be universal rules that make life more pleasant. One of these rules is respect for different cultures.
ooking back at the project, we realized that working together on a book, and expressing ourselves on the subject of communication offered a lot. Discussing and exchanging opinions made us richer than when we arrived. It is great to see how everybody uses the lingua franca in his or her own way. It shows that the English language is the most endangered language in the world, not that English would disappear from the globe, but that the old English will be enriched by influences all around the globe. A new Esperanto is born.
We are gratefull for the opportunity to express our thoughts and the things we learned in this book. We hope that all around the world people will benefit from our learning experiences in The Netherlands.
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Self confidence is a great asset for everyone, specially for teachers. When there are blocking factors in someone’s soul it is necessary to have an open mind and talk about the problems that have arisen in earlier years. Feel free and make sure to express your feelings in a safe environment. Do not hesitate to seek out help.
n two months time six international students wrote a book on effective communication in school and in daily life. They learned to speak each others languages and educated each other in new skills. They bring home a part of this Dutch treat. The globe changes into a global village. It has been a great honor to meet these young and ambitious students. Gerard Stout January 2011
Rob Koning, head of department of communication of NHL University (right) supplied additional funds for this project.
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This book is based on Vaste verkering, a compilation in Dutch, describing lots of advices for effective class management. ISBN: 978-90-73064-11-9
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