I hope this story inspires anybody who is struggling with grief and loss.

I wan t you to know there is a light and it will shine for you and everyone you have e ver lost. My parents were both sick at the same time, and I took care of them the best I c ould. All all I could do was give them as much love and comfort as I could. But it was never enough. I was never enough. Then something came into my life. Not the way I had expected, never the way I ha d prayed for. It wasn't like my religion had taught me, it was an amazing, almos t miraculous experience! I began to feel healing hands on my head and get messag es and signs - that can be called "synchronicity" or even "serendipity". I know everyone has had these at one time or another. They are wonderful! Like when you ask to see a rose in the middle of winter as a sign that the dream about your m om was really a message from her! And then you see a rose, or a picture of one o n a truck going by you not even a few minutes later! That was what started to ha ppen to me, more and more. Even before mom and dad died, while we were still goi ng through some bad stuff, these things began to happen. And I was like "God, I didn't think you were really there. I am so so glad that you showed up in such a crazy, amazing, mind-blowing way! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!" And I used to cry, the closeness to the Divine would feel so strong and so good. I had NEVE R felt that way before, not even after a good 12 years of schooling by nuns lol I guess maybe God, the Divine, Higher Power and Angels, whatever you may wish to call them, come through when you are at the bottom and such a mess that only th ey can help you. Yep, that would describe me! When my mother was at home for the last time (my father had passed away 8 months before) my sister and I took turns holding mom's hand and talking with her. I w as afraid to go to sleep because I wanted to be there when she took her last bre ath. I wanted to have that sacred last moment with her. As she had been with me when I took my very first breath, so I would be with her when she took her very last. I felt like I could stay there forever, just holding and kissing her warm hand. I couldn't have been there for my dad like that, his case was so difficult I wa s at his side the very last night and day, and I talked to him as he lay so peac eful on the morphine, telling him as I stroked his arm and kissed his head, that when he woke up he would have all the sausages and donuts he wanted, all the co ffee, too! (His favorite things!) And that he could watch John Wayne movies all day. And that I would be with him. Then as he neared the end, I kissed him and t old him "Rest, Daddy. Rest now. You worked hard all your life, now just rest. Le t go. Let go of all the pain. It's going to be alright. When you wake up it will be beautiful" And then he breathed his last. Believe me when I tell you. I could never have let my mother and father go. I co uld never have stayed alive and sane and done this, IF IT WASN'T FOR MY BELIEF I N HEAVEN AND WHAT I HAVE BEEN SHOWN. That kept me strong. That kept me hopeful. I also believe in Blessed Mother and the saints and angels as well. So did my mo ther and father. Before my mom died, she spoke of "seeing angels". I heard her v oice calling me in my room, I sensed her presence and her warm beautiful mother' s hand holding mine when I was in pain. I heard and felt my dad too. When I have images of them, he is always happy and smiling in my visions, standing next to my mother. The night he died, i think it was, I was sleeping, I woke up and saw my father l eaning over me. I was so scared, I almost jumped out of bed. He disappeared. I c alled out to him, "Daddy, come back, please. I didn't mean to scare you away." H e never came back.

The next night I had a dream, he was on the bed in our old apartment, and he ask ed me, "Aren't you happy that I'm back?" I said "Sure I am, Daddy, of course I a m". I wish I hadn't had that reaction of fright. I guess it is only natural. I am so glad that they are safe, free of pain. I will see them again, and I stil l have them with me even now, in an unseen but very real way. ... My mother was a wonderful strong woman, the kind who acted tough and didn't like to hug or kiss you, but you knew that she loved you no matter what. She had a loneliness and a sadness that not many people could see. But I could see it. I would try to fill that void that was in her eyes and in her heart as best I co uld. She had a hard life as a child, she was a child of the depression. So was m y father. They had always worked hard and were taught to be careful with money a nd not to show too much affection, because that was how THEIR parents were with them. But they had ways of showing you how much they cared, ways that sometimes you could never appreciate until you were older, time had gone by, and the sunse t of their lives was fast approaching. I had been so close to my dad as a child, up until I was 12, I used to go everyw here with him, he was my pal, he was a tall, skinny man, where my mother was sho rt and chubby. He was a simple almost child-like person in a lot of ways. I used to lie on the bed next to him and watch TV in his room. When he got older I used to tape or bu y John Wayne and gangster movies - his personal favorites! - and put them on for him in his room or in my house, serving him coffee and munchies. He once said he felt as though he were at the movies. I want to tell people what I have experienced, in a way that they can trust and believe. Because what I am telling you is the pure truth. No ulterior motives, n o hidden agendas, just to pass along what I found out so that you could love and believe in this presence and this comfort as well - some call it "God" but I kn ow that can be a touchy subject for a lot of people. So I try to present it now in a way that all people of all experiences and beliefs can appreciate. I want to finish telling you my story. PLEASE TRUST ME. I have held the hand of the invisible and what I believe to be the Divine at times - - and I can promise you with all my heart - IF YOU DO THIS, if you hold on, and keep this always be nevolent presence close to you, you will feel as though you can take ANYTHING. A nd you find out that you can. Not like Superman or Superwoman, but even better. Because some nights you will want to give up and crawl away and die, but you don 't have to be strong and keep going. All you have to do is hold on. Call out to Heaven. And you will get through. THAT is the miracle. I want you to TRY THIS ONE THING. It won't cost you anything. I want you to stop , sometime during the day or at bed-time, sit or lie down quietly, and begin to reach for whatever you conceive this presence to be. Don't force yourself, just start talking. Whether you believe in God in the traditional sense but need to s trengthen your faith, or whether you doubt He ever existed at all, PLEASE TRY TH IS ONE THING. IT IS FREE. Say EVERYTHING you feel. Even say if you doubt in anything or are angry. Say you want to believe and be closer to something awesome that can never die or leave you or let you down and know this is real, but you don't know how to do this or where to begin. The really good things are never easy. Talk, or pray, about your fears. Your hopes. Your dreams. Your job, your family. Ask for Higher Self advi ce, guidance, support and comfort that can also come from the Divine in you.

THEN LISTEN. You may hear a voice that sounds wonderfully human, yet it is so mu ch more. Or you may not hear a voice at all, but get a faint nudging inside you, a strong urge, an idea or inspiration. That is this power at work, answering yo u. You may hear a song on the radio that somehow fits EXACTLY what you need to h ear, or you may get another sign. PAY ATTENTION. The invisible Divine realm spea ks to us in so many ways, not all of them audible or obvious. But once you GET t he message, you will stop in amazement, it will hit you, and you will say, "Now I understand!" It is such an awesome feeling, that moment of revelation. You will know for sure if what you receive is good and wise, helpful and caring in a way that you cannot be to or for yourself. And if you feel wonderful when y ou are done, if you feel at peace, THIS is your sign that you connected with The Almighty beautiful presence. THIS IS REAL! Don't ever be afraid to find this out. Today so many people are ev en afraid to mention God, or experiences like these. Yet these are all real, and they are the things that can make life worth living when very little else can. I know in some religions God, the Divine, can be made to seem like a burden that will bring you trouble, or a judge who will require too much of you. Or an emba rrassment that will classify you as some kind of a joyless fanatical freak. But what happened to me was so awesome and so unlike any of that! I never felt this was a burden, but a life raft in the middle of an ocean, saving me from drowning . And I never felt judged at all. It was almost like you looked around and saw t he world with your 5 senses, but deep down you KNEW, YOU JUST KNEW, there was so much more. Not just knew intellectually because you wanted to or somebody told you, but you felt it and met with it yourself. Like "Oh, hello there, beautiful! " You only have to look around, at the world, both local and global, to see how ve ry much we need to embrace more than this world has to offer. Believe me when I tell you, and I do not say this lightly - WE WILL NOT SURVIVE LONG WITHOUT this embrace, both as individuals and as a world. You may have heard all this before - oh, nothing new she offers me, same old sam e old. But the difference is: I want to tell you what I personally experienced i n a way that you can relate to, so that you can have hope. I have to see things to believe them too. I need proof, oh yes, I need to experience these things for myself, nobody can tell me anything unless I find out for myself. I started to notice so many things throughout my day - I call them "little mirac les". I began to see hope and wonder, beauty and miracles, in a world I had seen as empty and meaningless for so many years. I found that when I keep my focus on the good things, the miraculous, the Divine - and NOT on my failings, NOT my problems, NOT the terrible state of the world, or the terrorists, or any other disaster that could easily befall us - when I k eep my eye on the right things, a heck of a lot of fear, anxiety and other bad s tuff can be gone. Boy, when I feel this Presence,and those people and events He (It) sends into my life - when I put myself in that wonderful place, you know what? NOTHING ELSE M ATTERS. Not how I look, or act, not what people say about me, nothing. I feel lo ved and beautiful, and I want to tell you that feeling is worth a whole world of approval from anybody else! Now I know - when ht place - I know lding us, lifting s, and yet a part s and laughs with I take the time to still my mind and put everything in the rig the truth. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. There are angels, all around. Ho us up, kissing away our pain. There is a REAL world beyond thi of it, so close, that walks with us and feels with us and crie us. And it is the ONLY world that can comfort our fears so we

can get through our journey here. People will always let each other down. They can't help it. We don't always mean to do that to each other. We only have so much love, so much time, so much ener gy. But there is a place, there are Divine Beings, who have limitless time, ener gy and love to give. I think that is so awesome and it is the best gift we could ever have! So please turn to them constantly. Whenever you can. You will be better and stro nger for it. I have had some good results with spirit communication and it is all for free. I charge nothing for it. I am an amateur, not a professional, of course, and I started doing this on my own, for my own reasons. If I can ever help any of you reach your loved ones, please let me know. I PROMISE I will get back to you an d help you, and if God grants me the strength and the energy to do this right, I will give you a beautiful and accurate reading. This may also help you understa nd how safe ahd happy your loved ones are, how they do live on, and how the Pres ence I have felt is there for you and yours always. I want us all to be free of needless anger and fear, and to have a constant beau tiful assurance that NO MATTER what happens IN this world or TO this world - NO MATTER what happens IN your body or TO your body, or those of the people you lov e more than life itself - THIS PRESENCE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU, ev en when everything and everyone else seems to. Peace, Love and Many Many Blessings.

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