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.D.’d on catnip.Poor kitty O.

. . .The ultimate horror movie.

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Then come back and tell me what you've learned. "Dad.and all in the name of humor!'' The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize. and then says. when the blonde yells. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" She replies. mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!'' Madonna. A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. yes. if someone gave you a million dollars. Now for some Jokes: A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. but. Madonna. "I'm going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy. but in reality. "I'll demonstrate. With his dummy on his knee. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars." .Lego Superdome? Someone needs to get a life. Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony. would you sleep with Robert Redford?" "Don't tell your father. if someone gave you a million dollars. I would. brainless and made out of plastic. thoughtfully. Once up in the air." Q: What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common? A: Both are blonde." The kid is puzzled. Potentially. but women in general. we are living with two sluts." He then goes to his sister's room.. not only blondes. can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up. we are sitting on two million bucks. "Mom. He asks his father for help. because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against. Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says. "Dad. ''You stay out of this. Britney and Christina: Due to a mixup on Grammy night. he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. but decides to ask his mother. "Omigod! Definitely!" The kid goes back to his father. I think I've figured it out.. "Sis.

The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters. 18. 20.O. 6.'' 21. You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.Titanic Similarities between the Titanic video and the Clinton grand jury testimony video: Titanic: $9. You have had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard. You have used your light saber to open and cook a can of pork and beans. 10. I'm going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier.Not to be outdone. a subsequent catastrophe . 14. 9. 16. 3. Your master has said. 15. 11. Clinton -vs. "I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy. ''Shoot. their forbidden love. 7. You can easily describe the taste of Ewok.it'll be a hoot. Your father told you. You have used a light saber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer. At least one wing of your X-Wing fighter is primer-colored.99 on the Internet Clinton: $9. Wookies are offended by your B. their forbidden love.hmmm?'' 13. a subsequent catastrophe Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica. 8. A peaceful meditation session is one without gas. saying.99 on the Internet Titanic: over 3 hours long Clinton: over 3 hours long Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose. comes out and says. "Look. 19. son come on over t' the dark side. You think that the Stormtrooper Elite Guards are just KKK members with really good sheets. I just made two people really happy. who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore. You can levitate yourself using a force from within. 12." Not even noticing Britney's stupid move. There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder. Christina bragged. You have lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder. but not The Force. 5. 4. Britney ripped a $1000 bill in half and threw it out the window. You've had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to light a bar-b-que. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color." How to Know if You're a Redneck Jedi 1. 17.. "Look. You have used The Force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial. ''My finger you will pull. 2." At this point the pilot.. You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.. You have used The Force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

Thank you and good-bye.S." "Correct. She hangs up and says. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. and this child is not your brother or sister. "I do so by asking them the right questions. Prime Minister. Thanks a lot. Jack enjoys a good cigar Clinton: Ditto for Bill Titanic: During ordeal. "Allow me to demonstrate. Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. Mr. Bill has a 70% approval rating Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary Bush! While visiting England. ma'am." says the Queen. "Mr. sir. Leonardo DiCaprio is wildly popular Clinton: Behind the scenes. Rose's dress gets ruined Clinton: Ditto for Monica Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit Clinton: Let's not go there Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry Clinton: Monica forced to return her gifts Titanic: Behind the scenes. and your father has a child. George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds. please answer this question: your mother has a child.Titanic: villain . "It's me. "Did you get that.Ken Starr Titanic: Jack is a starving artist Clinton: Bill is a B. artist Titanic: In one part." says the Queen." Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says.White Star Line Clinton: villain . I'll definitely be using that!" . Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes ma'am.

" The Irishman replies. Who is it?" Helms hems and haws and finally asks. "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees. "You know. When he finished all three. "Senator Helms. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says. sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. it's Tony Blair!" Irishman: An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin. you idiot. and Helms leaves. but nobody can come up with an answer. a pint goes flat after I draw it." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom. When we all left home. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately. drinking a sip out of each one in turn. but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss. Finally. and leaves it there. your mother has a child. you see.Bush. "Wrong. and I'm here in Dublin. of course. he comes in and orders two pints." "Why. I wonder if you can answer a question for me. "It's me. The bartender says to him. and this child is not your brother or your sister. your mother has a child. of course. the bartender says. and your father has a child. and this child is not your brother or your sister. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question: "Uhh. and exclaims. in desperation. and they puzzle over the question for several hours. Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. upon returning to Washington. When he comes back to the bar for the second round. decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators." Much relieved. I have two brothers. finds George Bush. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. "Well." . "I don't want to intrude on your grief. One day. sir. he comes back to the bar and orders three more. and your father has a child. it would taste better if you bought one at a time. we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together. Helms rushes back to the White House. "Now look here. "I know the answer. son. One is in America. orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room. the other in Australia.

I've just quit drinking!" And Finally: . then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh. "Everyone is fine." he says.The Irishman looks confused for a moment. no.