DIARY ENTRY 12th May 2007.

I'm going to make an effort to be better about writing then I did on my last page, towards the end I didn't post as many messages on this diary/blog thing. It wasn't that I'd got put off, just that I let my mind get a little cloudy and unfocused. People don't realise how mental this place can be, Most everyone thinks prison is about being locked up, "physically" and that is true, … but being caged on this damn death row is MENTAL. It really screws with your mind. I ain't going to let it break me, but sometimes I do let it bend me alittle too far to the side, and when I do, I fall off. But I'm back now. I got a new page and I'm focused. Had a good visit with my Queen (mom) this week. She's been making the trip for 11 plus years now, holding me down and making sure I have visits. That's Love. I found out another brother of mine just got a damn execution date. Or should we call it a assassination date? It seems like every time I look up, a Brother or a friend is facing that damn w though as long as alk, I am breathing and working, they wont face it alone…I better get some where, before I start ranting and raving against Texas, and it's damn legal/illegal system--IN HEART AND STRUGGLE. Tony Medina. DIARY ENTRY 20TH MAY 2007. I wanted to get one more message out before my friend who is blessing me by running this page flys on over here to Texas, and comes to see me. So it will be a few more days or more before I let my words flow here again. I actually got 2 good friends coming down, My brothers Wife is suppose to see me this week, and next week I got a visit with Sandie, so I'm looking forward to these visits, but really when you are in here, all visits as well as mail is a blessing. It helps, I know for me to keep my head on straight. Ive been fortunate, my family, well, my parents and grandparents has been coming to see me since I got locked up. They have made that trip to see me here and when we were at Ellis, knowing how much the visits mean to me even when it wasn't easy for them. Gotta love and respect them for keeping it real. We got news last week that the courts going to give a new trial to one of the guys here… Any time someone here gets news like that, it's a small victory for everyone else here also. It gives us all alittle more light to look forward to at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully the Great Spirit will let him get off this "Row and one day return to his family.. Well, Its time to get this in the mail and go play with my art. IN HEART AND STRUGGLE TONY MEDINA.

Diary Entry 22nd May 2007 It may seem small but tonight was actually a good night, since i got my new Tailgate magazine in. As well as a letter. Anytime i can get a double hit like that, its better than watching the dam mailman/officer run by my cage like they in a marathon or something... and since my radio is working good, then we're in buisness for some letter writing tonight. of course the down fall is my neighbour got a new execution list in, and he let me know there were like 5 people scheduled for next month.. It makes you wonder why im still happy about getting a magazine and letter when 5 people are set to die?? Maybe thats a good question for a head doctor sometime, IN HEART AND STRUGGLE

Diary Entry 29th May 2007 REST IN PEACE SNOOPIE its hard to believe its been 11 years since my little homie was shot down. Yet everyday i look in the mirror i remember it, even though i wasnt there. I still remember like it was yesterday, when my pops came to visit me and told me that my cousin and homie w shot, as and my friend was killed. It was only 2 days after it all happened, and a saturday night. Dam He really messed up my head. I felt like screaming cause i felt like if i had not got them into the gang life they would not have been shot and my little homie would had been with his family... 11 years ago my pops told me about it. I remember after the visit walking back to my cage down the long ass hallway, and it kept tumbling through my mind. After getting the handcuffs off and walking back and forth, i dont know who it was but i remember someone hollering at me, asking me if id had a good visit, but i wasnt answering anyone, cause my head was just all screwed up. I looked in the little mirror I had glued to the wall and knew then that i was out of tears, so i grabbed some ink and a needle and tattooed a hollow tear drop under my eye, 11 years ago.. I love you little homie, REST IN PEACE, you're gone but never forgotten... IN HEART AND STRUGGLE. DIARY ENTRY 2ND JUNE 2007 Alright... I didnt mean to get all down last time.. I had a great visit with my friend yesterday, shes a wonderful lady, helping me do this page, and it was our first time meeting. I had a good time and we even got some piccys (photo to us in the US) I stayed in from recreation today so i could peck on these typewriter keys and work on my art. Sometimes you just wanta break you know. Even though i hate being trapped in this cage, sometimes I just get tired of dealing with all the ins and outs of going to the dayroom... So sorry but nothing profound and deep today, today is just a sit back and chill day....IN HEART AND STRUGGLE DIARY ENTRY 10TH JUNE 2007 Back again, and aggravated as hell. Guy I know passes me his newspaper when he is done, so i was reading it today and this so called justice system just makes me want to lose it and go to cussing all on this, but im trying to keep my head. Lewis "scooter" Libby... now this chun chump was the head something for Vice president Dick Cheney. That already makes him a crook in my book. But a while back he committed Aggravated Perjury and lied to not only the FBI but also the grand jury about what he knew and his part in leaking the name of a CIA agent to the media, some ole good ol boy revenge cause this ladies husband wouldnt tow the line and play bush's puppet. He got 2 and ahalf years Fed time, and they talking about a presidential pardon to keep him from doing time, and how unfair it is...Damm come on.. This is a perfect example of money working the system. This man is guilty, he violated the law, but since hes tight with the crooks running things he gets special favours. See, one reason this funs me hot, is 2 juvenile girls in my case were charged with the same charge, cause they told the truth to the grand jury, and it was the truth the state didnt want to hear. Each one got 6 years Agg., and had to do 3 or more in the end. If theyd had cheney money they would never have gone to jail...***but I shouldnt le t my mind get too wired... today is suppose to be a good day for me. It is not only my mothers birthday but also my sweet princess, My daughter Mercedes 12th Birthday. I havent seen her since before i got locked up, but shes in my heart 24-7.. so, despite my head being twisted cause of a few problems im trying to sort through, im going to make the effort to be happy today, and celebrate for my mom and little girl... im out...IN HEART AND STRUGGLE

DIARY ENTRY 14TH JUNE 2007 i'M Jammin this d damage control on the radio, and seeing if i can get these typewriter keys to start smoking, i just finished typing out a article called "who had a motive to lie" to go on my page my friend put up for me, i recently got told that well that the page and what it says made me seem like i was giving up or something, BELIEVE ME aint nothing happening, Im a fighter and will fight till i got no more breath. But alot of the text is new so some of y'all let me know what you think, give me some feed back....IN HEART AND STRUGGLE.

DIARY ENTRYS,16TH June 07-18th July 07

Diary Entry 16th June 07
You know sometimes, life just gives you a crystal clear picture. There are times, like everyone, where I get down, that's just part of life, I have no doubts which are part of life. But tonight, tonight was good, I got to see my son Matt. He came to see me for Fathers day and even brought me a coke for fathers day, 12 years old… Its been a lot of times when I'l just want to scream and when I ask myself why, I keep putting myself out there to only get burned trying to fight this system, which is designed against us from day one… seeing my son, seeing his smile tonight, hearing him tell me about what hes doing.. it gave me a crystal clear picture, hes the reason I fight. Him and his brother and my daughter, my family. Its amazing how a childs simple smile can convey thousands of words in a split second, my little boy reminded me tonight of why I am fighting so hard to find the help I need to save my life… All of you that have children take a e xtra second tonight, after you read this, to make them smile……

22nd June 07. Two nights now, back to back the state of Texas has killed men. Its not the first time or the last. And its sad that so many of us kind of become use to it, to see it. Ive been here on death row for over 200 executions You get so frustrated, because nothing we do can stop them, and it seems like Texas has one every week, how do you fight such a huge monster? Im patting myself on the back, I went thru a little problem with some officers behind my art. They took it for some BS reason and, I had to fight myself to keep my head, Ive kept my cool for 11 years, but I was just tired of them harassing me. Luckily though, I got a solid brother close to me, that hollered down at me and kept me in focus. And I managed to get my art back and settle the issue without too much trouble…. Sometimes that is all it takes, one solid friend to uplift you and keep you focused. 14TH July 07
Weve been on lockdown for a week now, Tuesday they hit my section and shook us down, didn't have no problems. The sergeants came into my cell, looked at my art, and didn't mess it up, we were cool. Now tongith we get this sorry ass officer who the rank usually keeps on another building because she likes starting trouble, she comes into my cell on a regular shakedown and takes not only my paint brushes, but comes back with the rank and takes my art projects. This same rank had took them once before and I'd got them back, but he took them AGAIN. They just keep pushing and pushing. I really don't bother anyone, I just do my art and read and such, yet they keep trying to provoke me. Why cant they just leave me the hell alone since im not bothering them???

18th july 07
Its been a struggle, but I finally got my two Art Projects out, it just seemed like they were never going to make it, since I kept getting harassed behind the things. But they're out now and I'l move on to some new ideas, once I get more supplies. I guess since this is "their world" we just got to put up with all the bullshit…. I mean what else can we do? This lock down is still going on, probably until next week… Its not so bad this time though, Theyre actually giving us one hot meal aday, usally its nothing, but cold snacks. They say you should be grateful for the little things.

IN HEART AND STRUGGLE TONY MEDINA.
DAIRY ENTRY AUGUST SEPT,OCTOBER

1st AUGUST 2007. Its hard to believe that exactly 11 years ago, I was standing in a courtroom, at 2:36pm. On a Wednesday, when the Judge told me I was sentenced to die. August 1st 1996, is a day that is forever burned into my mind. Seeing my parents hold each other as my Mom cried.. After I was sentenced, the Baliff let my Mom and Dad come into the back of the holdover to see me for a few minutes, He gave us about 10 minutes. That was the last time I ever held one of my family members. The last hug I gave my Mom or

my Dad. I remember when the baliff came to tell them they needed to say goodbye…. All I wanted to do was scream and tear the door off the hinge to hold my Mom. Watching my parents walk away, that shit was hard. Now its eleven years, and I can still feel that feeling. At the same time I had a great visit with my Dad last weekend. The best visit weve had in a long while, Just like my visit with my Son it reminded me why I am fighting this thing so hard….. IN HEART AND STRUGGLE.

11TH AUGUST 2007 You know, this shit just don't ever stop.. I got to see my Brother Kenneth Foster tonight. I was seeing my Mom and Nephew, and he was with his little Princess of a daughter and his beautiful new Wife Tasha. It was good seeing him, since its been a LONG time, and seeing him in good spirits as he kicked it with his girls, real tight, then there was the end. I got lucky and was able to step down to scream at him for a minute on my way out, I was able to put my fingers through the screen and give him some love… And he was able to tell me how the Supreme court recently shot down his writ. People are always asking what is up with this appeal system… Well this is a perfect example of the WHOLE JUSTICE SYSTEM being foul. This brotha should not even be on death row, since he wasn't at the murder scene. He was sitting in his car over 50 ft away when his so called homeboy jumped out, grabbed the pistol off the front seat and ran off. This so called homeboy got into a argument with a guy and ended up killing him. My Brotha was charged under Texas screwed up Law of Parties law, and its crazy. He didn't have shit to do with the crime. Yet his life is in danger of being taken in only a couple weeks WHERE IS THE JUSTICE IN THIS,? This shit just leaves me wanting to scream and rant, yet Ive been told to watch myself on this myspace, so Il hold my tongue…. Instead of thinking of that, Il hold onto the happiness I saw in his face as he chilled with his daughter and Wife, Il hold onto the goodtime I had talking with my own Queen Mother. IN HEART AND STRUGGLE TONY MEDINA.

DIARY ENTRY FOR 30TH AUGUST, AND 10TH SEPT 30TH AUGUST. Damn today is a good day for all the brothers of the struggle, the last 2 days texas had got their wish and murdered 2 men back to back. They were hoping to go 3 for 3 and add my brother to their list. My minds been all messed up and ive been checking the radio and waiting to hear something. Then on the 4 oclock news I got the story. The Govenor commutted his death sentence to life after the parole board voted for him. Theres not too many people out there that can understand how good that felt. Ive lost 3 other brothers to texas murder machine. Hearing that kenneth was going to be spared, that he would now be able to go to general population prison that shit did my heart good. I can Just imagine seeing his daughter smiling from ear to ear, tears of joy in her eyes, and jumping up and down. I can see his wife with her head thrown back offering thanks to the creator. I can see his family all hugged together. This is a man that should have never been sent to death row in the first place. He never gave up. He got all of his family and friends together and they built a team and that team pushed forward. When youre fighting this death penalty machine there are ups and downs and alot more downs. But they kept looking forward. I hope everyone out there fighting this war to abolish the death penalty will take heed and will gather strength from this victory. Everyone involved with the Save Kenneth Foster campaign has shown the world that if you STICK TOGETHER if you do not let yourself get sidetracked you can do something positive. This fight can be won. Kenneth foster is proof of that.

10TH SEPTEMBER 07 Tonight as i sit here and type out letters I cant help but drift off into never never land. In 3 days i will have been on death row for ELEVEN YEARS, It doesnt seem real at times. Eleven damn years of my life spent in this place. Where did all the time go?? I mean it seems like yesterday i was in a cramped little cage in the back of a van being pulled up to the gates of the Ellis unit. I remember being bent over and stepping down, VERY CAREFULLY s as not to fall on to the concrete. I was o sort of looking around and seeing all the prisoners looking at me and BIG WHITE who had also come from country with me to death row. We were led into the building and down a long hallway, all the while i was trying to focus my mind and let my eyes record everything. Eleven years. and everyday I ask myself "how much longer ill have to fight until im heard??? DIARY ENTRY 7TH OCTOBER 2007.

Do you ever stop to think about how fate, or destiny shows itself to you? About why the Creator's plan is what it is?? Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my Brother Ron's state sanctioned murder. Later this month it will be 3 years since my Brother Dominique was murdered. So, even as these sad days come about, there are reasons for us to celebrate. My Bro Kenneth flipped to that population after a hard won battle. The supreme court has finally agreed to look at this 3-drug-ass-mix of poisons they use to murder us. Sometimes "Un-needed Pain" to us, while we're being killed.. That seems like it was already asked and answered when they outlawed it for use on Animals, cause it caused them too much pain. But "The court" is going to look at it. That is a big step. So even as I remember by Brothers who have been murdered by this state, I am also celebrating that another one was spared, and that alittle light is being shed on this foul system. But what gets me is, that A LOT more can be done. How many of you say you are against the death penalty? Write about it on forums? Tell others you do not support it? …….That many???? …. Well how many have actually STOOD UP and done something to SHOW this? How Many?? IN HEART AND STRUGGLE.
DIARY ENTRY FOR 5TH NOVEMBER 2007

Damn I made another year. I never really thought I live to see 33. Not when i was out in the streets d living wrong, and definetly not when i was sentenced to death over 11 years ago. 33 was like some far away horizon that couldnt even be seen. Yet here I am. Ive always made it a rule to not celebrate birthdays in this cage but hell, living another week, much less another year is cause for major celebration today. My beautiful Mother came to see me, and it was a great surprise I wasnt looking for her until the weekend so it was nice to see her. We got to sit out there as we have for so many other of my birthdays and talk, while she watched me eat my "birthday cake" A whole lot different from how i celebrated my 21st.. but that is another topic and one not to be opened. What do they say in Vegas? What happns there stays there? Well Il adopt that also! And now I got to wonder what the next 12 months will bring? Will i see 34? Will i see the new Trial Ive dreamed of for the last 11 years? will i ever get to know my children as a father should? I dont do wishes...But I will be sending out a S.O.S to the Great spirit on High asking him to give me another chance at life, and with my children....

TONYS LATEST DIARY ENTRY 4TH DECEMBER 2007 Damn today we found out that Pimp C was found dead in his hotel, so t radio stations have been he jammin his music all day, and having people call in. Its crazy how its only in times of hardship that people stop to appreciate life and realize how special it is. Homie was my age, too young to pass away like that ** for me it just reinforces decisions Id made already. 2008 is going to be a different year for me. Out with the old and look for the true.... For damn near 12 years Id been collecting photos, and Id built a photo album that in the end became a crutch for me. It took alot of deep ass thinking to see this in my own actions. So ive cleaned the cage. I sent the photo album out, deciding that it was only holding me to my past, something I had to move on from. Theres alot of letters going out this week and next, letting people know that I got to change things up..** I want to thank EVERYONE that dropped me a lil message for my 33rd birthday. I was 21 when they kidnapped me off the streets, so its a touch pill to swallow seeing number 33 roll around from inside this cage *** While I change things up for myself in 08, I'm going to do my best to drop more lines here also... I wish I could kick it with all of you, but you know how it is. Real is Real. Stay true to who you are, and take a minute to see life for what it is, dont wait for tragedy to focus your vision. IN HEART AND STRUGGLE

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