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B1 6 Oct. 2011
Drawn by Greg Carlson
Wait ends for “Waiting for Godot”
Teddy Sawyer Collegian Reporter
This week “Waiting for Godot,” an iconic absurdist play by Samuel Beckett, takes the stage in Markel Auditorium. When “Waiting for Godot” opened in 1953, the all-consuming dialogue of its protagonists captured the imagination of the world with its probing questions of the meaning of existence. Two men, Vladimir and Estragon, wait alone on the stage for “Godot,” an unknown person who they think will give their lives significance. As the show progresses, the two men grow bored, even as they consider the “big” questions of who man is. Some critics pegged the play as nihilistic and atheistic. Hillsdale College professors disagree. “It is absurdist and existential, but it is infused with tradition
and references to the Bible. It’s a stepping stone to the good, true, and beautiful,” director James Brandon said. “You cannot have faith without doubt.” Brandon, associate professor of theater and speech, said like any good play, “Waiting for Godot” challenges its audience. The play’s protagonists seem bored and aimless – they constantly wonder if they are waiting in the right place and if Godot will ever arrive. At one point, they consider hanging themselves, but become overwhelmed by the possibility of loneliness – if one was unsuccessful the other would be left alone. “I have no idea what ‘the meaning’ of the play might be,” said James Stephens, associate professor of philosophy, “but it captured the imagination of a generation – or rather several of them.” To help students grapple with the meaning and context of “Waiting for Godot,” the theater department will bring in a different professor each night to discuss the play. These professors span the English, philosophy, and theater departments and introduce the performance each night as well as hosting a short discussion with
audience members. “To watch this play is to participate in the absurd world Beckett tries to show us,” said Justin Jackson, associate professor of English and Thursday’s speaker. “Every human being ought to have read this play at least once.” Jackson is joined by Brandon and Stephens, as well as Peter Blum, professor of philosophy and Stephen Smith, associate professor of English, who will each speak on an aspect of the play of their choice. Stephens and Jackson both said students should wrestle with the ideas in “Waiting for Godot.” “All we can do is pass our time in the emptiness in which we live while waiting for a miracle in which something or someone outside our ken will reveal to us what matters,” Stephens said. “That notion of the absurd was endemic to western culture when Beckett wrote it, and perhaps it still is.” firstname.lastname@example.org
Portrait of an actor
Emily Johnston Senior Reporter When junior Stephan Godleski came to Hillsdale College as a freshman, he tried out for the theater department’s 10-minute plays on a whim. Three years later, Godleski stars as Vladimir in this week’s production “Waiting for Godot.” Playing Vladimir is the most challenging roll he has acted, he said. “It’s exhausting being in the moment the whole time,” he said. “The play is 110 pages with only five actors and I’m on stage 99 percent of the time with senior Eric Elefson. We are responsible for keeping the audience tracking and the energy up. The best part is that it is so challenging.” James Brandon, professor of theatre and director “Waiting for Godot,” said working with Godleski was easy. “I always get the sense Stephan knows what I want,” Brandon said. “That’s hard to do—to understand a director.” In addition to “Waiting for Godot,” Brandon said he also worked with Godleski in “Our Town,” “The King Stag,” and in various theater classes. “[Godleski] has a maturity in the type of choices he’s making for performance now,” Brandon said. Junior Lauren Hughes, assistant director of “Waiting for Godot,” met Godleski on the second night of their freshman year. Hughes and her roommate went to Walmart and ran into Godleski. As they walked around Walmart together, Hughes said Godleski mentioned doing track in high school. “I asked if he ever polevaulted,” she said. “He paused for a minute, and then asked (he was a bit of a big guy back then)
‘Do I look like I could polevault?’ We burst into laughter that must have lasted for about five minutes. That’s when I knew college was going to be fine.” Hughes, a theater and English double major, said that memory still makes her smile. Since then, the two have worked together frequently in the theater department. “Stephan has acted such a variety of roles—he played an old, exiled warrior in ‘Cymbeline,’ he sang several musical numbers in ‘Fuente Ovejuna,’ and he plays an existential hobo in ‘Waiting for Godot,’” Hughes said. “I don’t think [people] realized just how much of himself and how much effort Stephan Godleski on the set he puts forth into what he does.” of “Waiting for Godot”. He In addition to acting, plays the part of Vladimir. Godleski is the Sage Center for (Chuck Grimmet/Collegian) the Arts publicity manager, has directed a few of the 10-minutes plays, and works on costumes, “Every play I did, I got more sets, and lighting for his theater and more entrenched,” Godleski technology class. said. “I didn’t fit into anywhere Though, his favorite part is else which made freshman year writing. hard. Theater just clicked.” “It’s not my focus here,” he While Hillsdale does not said. “But I hope to create plays specialize in the arts and theater, in the future. My dream job is to Godleski said he is glad to be create sitcoms.” studying here. Brandon said Godleski has “The theater department still potential as an actor and writer upholds value and integrity but but he would need to relocate to it’s not as cookie-cutter-ish,” a metropolitan hub to pursue a Godleski said. “It’s a place to be theater career. diverse on campus.” “He [Godleski] has a very Godleski said he has grown good chance of making it in the significantly since his freshman field. He’ll just have to decide year. As a freshman, memorizhow much he wants to invest,” ing monologues was hard. Now, he said. it takes him half an hour. Godleski was not planning Playing Vladimir has also on becoming involved in theater created an “acting mode” area when he came to Hillsdale. of his brain, Godleski said. It “When I came here, I never engages when he’s on stage and thought I would pursue theater,” then turns off so he is able to Godleski said. “I was going to focus on his school work when be a Political Science major. not in rehearsal. After the 10-minute plays, it “I knew I had to be in it,” he was something I realized I enjoy said. “It’s the experience of a and love and wanted to be more life-time.” involved in.” email@example.com From there, Godleski pursued more roles in the theater department.
An iconic set, revisited
Roxanne Turnbull Arts Editor Wood, foam, paint, and a lot of patience: this is what it takes to create a theater icon. Since the play “Waiting for Godot” by Samuel Beckett was first performed on stage in 1953, one element has been consistent and become a highly influencial symbol in the theater world: a tree. Hillsdale College’s set designer and theater professor Dave Griffiths has worked to not only create visually stimulating foliage but to also put his own spin on the set of a 58-year old classic play. Accompanying a tree that Griffiths described as “obviously broken,” the set includes a very large pile of junk and a rock. “This provides levels for the actors,” Griffiths said. “We wanted a little more visual interest.” The trash pile, an idea of Griffiths, showcases pieces of sets of plays from Hillsdale’s past. Items include a suitcase from the performance of “Rosenstrausse,” a cage used in “The King Stag,” and rakes from the play “Fuente Ovejuna.” Audience members may notice a plethora of other items adorning the stage such as petticoats, a rubber chicken, and a typewriter. Junior and theater major Mark Keller is playing the role of Lucky in “Waiting for Godot” and talked about his experience performing amidst the set. “It’s sort of a history of the department. My favorite item is the eggbeater. It’s awesome that we have some crazy little things on stage.” However, this fun display of Hillsdale’s theater history also has a more significant meaning to the overall theme of the set design. The stage, as is common with most productions of “Waiting for Godot,” feels relatively void. “It emphasizes the bareness of their lives. It’s a pretty empty space. What is there is nothing anyone is going to use,” Keller said. Peter Kistler, a sophomore working as the Scene Shop Supervisor for Griffiths, has been working on the set from the beginning. He described how the general feel of the set would emphasize some of the key points to the audience. “It looks like a wasteland.
It’s cast off trash, like the characters,” Kistler said. The set hardly changes the entire play. The only difference between the first and second act is that the tree has a few leaves on it in the second half of the play. “It’s the only thing still alive in a sense in the second act. It’s a symbol of life and death simultaneously,” Keller said. As a whole, Griffiths has once again created a new world in which we get to escape for a few hours. This time though, a lot of what he has created will help support the overall point of the play and the message the actors are trying to convey while also allowing the audience to interpret and analyze the images for themselves. “The idea is that Vladimir and Estragon [the main characters in the play] are the refuse of humanity in a sense. These two characters are waiting. Will Godot solve all of their problems? Beckett didn’t want to be specific,” said Griffiths. “We like when people say they understand the point. Hopefully we are making that clearer to the audience.” firstname.lastname@example.org
6 Oct. 2011 B2
A vision realized:
Natalie Mitchell Collegian Freelancer Students, professors, and parents alike enjoy attending Hillsdale College’s stellar theater productions, where theater students have a “pride in presentation,” according to theater and speech professor James Brandon. With only a couple days to the opening of the first major production of the season, “Waiting for Godot,” the entire Hillsdale College theater department is on its toes with preparation. The play features only five roles, and the audience is in for a new perspective not seen on the stage in quite a while. “1997 was the last time I had a cast this small – it’s easier to get a handle on talent, but it’s more work for the actors. We don’t do a show like this very often, we try to give opportunities to more actors,” Brandon said. As a director, Brandon feels he’s done his job when he brings a playwright’s work to life. Every rehearsal season bursts with excitement as enthusiasm and ideas come together. It is what Brandon calls, “seeing a vision realized.” “I like creating art,” Brandon said. “Theater requires a lot of trust and communication [to be successful]; what we have here works.” The decision process for choosing plays has many factors. The department tries to touch on different periods in history, alternating musicals and Shakespeare every other year. They purposely run plays in four-year cycles, “we want a student in four years to get a taste of everything,” Brandon said. In the past, plays have ranged from Shakespeare’s epic “Cymbeline” (a three and a half hour production) to the musical, “Zombie Prom.” This theater season also looks forward to “The Importance of Being Earnest,” open-
THE VALUE OF PRETENDING
The theater department shines
ing in November. “We’re doing a play people think of as important,” Brandon says. “[Earnest] is one of the two most commented on plays in the 20th century.” “It’s a play everyone knows, each actor brings their own personality to the character. It’s a classic play shaped by the director and the actors,” senior Josh Dygert said. As two of the cast of “Earnest,” Dygert and sophomore Katherine Denton did more than just balancing “Earnest” and academics: they also directed acts in the most recent 10-minute plays last week. “My favorite part was working with the script and bringing dimensionality to characters that were stereotypical” Dygert said about his ten-minute play, “The Secrets Origins of Mojo Man.” Thrown into the deep end of directing, the theater students enjoyed the challenge of casting and directing a play of their choice. The ten-minute plays then debuted at the Dawn Theater in Downtown Hillsdale, a treat and rarity for the new directors. “At the college level, [actors] are trying to be professional, they work hard, but there’s more freedom to work and explore and develop something,” Denton remarked. Along with increased professionalism, college provides myriad experiences to help actors add depth to their roles. “Students aren’t just chained to the stage, they’re involved in other things and have other activities. It’s nice to see students involved in all aspects of campus life, it makes them better students. You can’t observe the world in a rehearsal hall,” Brandon said. email@example.com
I’m always a little embarrassed to say I did theater in high school. Maybe it’s because while I was learning lines, struggling with harmonies and stage managing musicals, most of my best friends at Hillsdale were breaking high school records and winning state championships. Or maybe it’s the subtle stigma, perceived or real, that seems to go with “theater kids,” particularly guys. But then I get over it. Because theater is one of the best things I’ve ever done. You learn a lot when, after months of work, you have to present in front of hundreds of people. Having to get up on a stage and do your best to entertain those hundreds inevitably imparts a degree of self-confidence. You learn to think on your feet and improvise when things go wrong. You learn to shake it off and keep going when something goes too wrong to cover. Most importantly, you learn to work with and to lead a quirky, talented, and at times egotistical group of people. I directed a couple of musicals the first two summers after graduation, and the value of the theater experience only got clearer. There is a special bond that develops within a cast and crew when the long days of rehearsal, exhausting nights of set and technical design, and early mornings of fixing that disastrous scene from the beginning of Act II turn everyone red-eyed, short-tempered, and one more sleepless night away from getting sick. You get to see people grumpy, unshowered and makeup-less, and you have the opportunity to love them for it. And then it’s showtime. The sense of pride, joy, and accomplishment that follows the curtain falling on a stellar opening night lingers for years. The countless hours of work culminate in just a handful of fleeting moments of performance, but you’ve created something. You’ve told a good story. You’ve made art. And there’s nothing embarrassing about that. firstname.lastname@example.org
Art professor displays quilts
Hayden Smith Collegian Freelancer This Saturday, Oct. 8, Associate Professor of Art Barbara Bushey will be putting on a quilt exhibit at the Sage Center for the Arts. Named “Superior Dreams,” the exhibit showcases dyed quilt patterns influenced by Bushey’s time at Lake Superior. “We have a cottage up at Lake Superior. And I spend a lot of time looking at the waves.” Bushey said. “It’s eternal but it’s always changing.” Using ancient shibori techniques Bushey has used the lake’s inspiration to create beautiful images of water and rock on quilt panels. Long practiced in Japan, shibori allows the artist a unique Barbara Bushey will display this quilt she created last avenue of expression. Bushey’s panels measure 13 inches across and over 40 inches year. The quilt was inspired by her time at Lake Superior long. To make them she binds rocks into the cloth before dyeing and uses shibori techniques. (Courtesy of Doug Coon) each side a different color. Running stitches are used to hold the Cotton and silk are used in combination as the material for the rocks. After pulling the strings tight Bushey hand dyes the cloth. panels. “I’ve done other (quilt) pieces before, but the process is The stitches keep the dye from completely penetrating the matevery time consuming,” said Bushey. Taking full advantage of her rial. sabbatical last semester, Bushey proceeded to immerse herself in The use of rocks in the dyeing process is just one of many the medium. shibori techniques that have existed since the 8th Century A.D. The interest Bushey has in the quilt medium has direct paralShibori is the process of dyeing cloth with through binding, twistlels with her artistic outlook. “My work is an exploration of what ing, stitching, or compressing. In the West, tie-dye is its closest is hidden and what is revealed—whether in a visual, emotional, or equivalent. historical sense. Working with layers, both physically and visually, Once the rocks are taken out of the stitching, the dried cloth is covered with irregular rings and patterns. In some cases the panels allows me to explore this complexity.” Senior Erin O’ Luanaigh is excited for the exhibit. “I’ll deficontain images that were put on using a regular printer. “You just nitely be there. I saw some of her quilt work last fall and quite put the cloth on backing paper and run it through the printer.” enjoyed it.” O’Luanaigh said. Bushey said. Over the years Bushey’s textile work has found its way into The collection going on display will be accompanied by a mission statement which accurately describes the effect of the images. collections at the White House and the University of Wyoming. Art/Quilt Magazine and Surface Design Journal have both pub“The repetitive motions required of the techniques echo the lished pieces by Bushey. repetitive motion of the Great Lake’s waves hitting the shore. The Professor Bushey’s “Superior Dreams” can be viewed this infinite variety of each unique wave and stitch is absorbed into the Saturday at the gallery in the Sage Center. constant and enduring whole,” said Bushey. email@example.com
Sally Nelson Web Editor . . . by watching Ramona Falls’ music video for their song “I Say Fever.” Then watch it again. And again. An indie rock band crafted the dastardly Old West tale as “a code to decipher,” with political commentary, anagrams, and hidden images in a masterfully layered allegory. The creators wrote the song and the video simultaneously, with each movement corresponding with the tempo. In the end, the mask matters less than the animal underneath. Now go watch it again. But this time, watch it in a dark room with the sound turned up. You’re welcome.
upcoming arts events theater
Godot Lectures Oct. 6-9, 7 p.m., join professors Jackson, Smith, Blum, Brandon to hear various perspectives on “Waiting for Godot” “Cool Hand Luke” Oct. 10, 8 p.m., presented by the Hillsdale Film Society in Philips Auditorium Tower Dancers Auditions Oct. 8, 10 a.m., Sage Performance Studio Oct. 5-9--- Samuel Beckett’s “Waiting For Godot” performed by the Tower Players, Markel Auditorium
Barbara Bushey: Art Quilts Oct. 8-Nov. 9, Daughtrey Gallery, Sage Center for the Arts
Hillsdale Collge Symphony Orchestra,Oct. 22, 8 p.m., Markel Auditorium Julie Fowlis: Music of the Scottish Isles Oct. 26, 8 p.m., Markel Auditorium
Contagion (PG-13) Courageous (PG-13) The Lion King 3D (G)
Premiere Theater Hillsdale:
50/50 (R) Abduction (PG-13) Dolphin Tale 3D (PG) Dream House (PG-13) Killer Elite (R) Moneyball (PG-13) What’s Your Number? (R) The Ides of March (R) Real Steel (PG-13)
Movies openingw Friday:
Josh Turner: Family man and country singer
B3 6 Oct. 2011 LETTERS HOME
I want a pet tiger for Christmas. Perhaps I should preface that with some information. I went to the Hillsdale County Fair this week. I’m not sure if the claim “Most Popular Fair in the World” quite stands up, but there were a good deal of attractions. My favorites were, of course, the two baby tigers. One was a lovely white tiger, but I think I like the orange one better. He had a stuffed monkey in his cage, which of course means that he could never be malicious. I know what you’re thinking. Really, though, all the deep fried food has not gone to my head. Yes, some pet tigers have mauled their owners in the past. This is tragic. But pet tigers are so cute! And I’m sure that if I got one when it was little, it would bond with me enough that it would never feel the need to maul me. Besides, I think tigers are rather like people in temperament. Some people are just naturally aggressive and others are sweet. I’m pretty sure the tiger with his adorable stuffed monkey falls into the latter category. So….Christmas? Please? I bet that once you saw this tiger, you would take care of it until I was home from school. In other news, my arteries are still somewhat unclogged. I did try a bite of deep-fried cookie dough, a funnel cake, and French fries. They were all rather delicious. Despite a few dares, I refused to try the nastiest invention known to man: fried butter. As great as the fair was, though, the extreme cold-wetness of my excursion has not yet worn off. I’m off to drink seven cups of deliciously warming tea, bundle up, and do my homework.
Country music star Josh Turner brought his “Haywire” tour to the Hillsdale County Fair, charming the crowd with his genuine smiles and energetic show. (Shannon Odell/Collegian) Sarah Anne Voyles Collegian Reporter With his sultry voice and sensible lyrics, country music singer Josh Turner rolled back into the Hillsdale County Fair this past Saturday. His love for country music and how it relates to common people compelled him to pursue a career in music, Turner commented. He was inspired by Randy Travis to go 100 percent in his career. “He made me realize that it did not matter who you were or where you were from, but that dreams can come true,” said Turner. Songs such as “Long Black Train,” “Why Don’t We Just Dance,” and “Firecracker” display Turner’s conviction to write about faith, family, and having a good time. His lyrics reflect his own personal experiences with his wife and three boys. “He is known as Uncle Josh and my kids love his music—it runs on a loop in the car,” said Stephanie Ford, Josh Turner’s sister-in-law. Turner is a committed family man, and has his family travel with him on the road. They bring his wife Jennifer’s mom with them to help out with their three children Hampton, Colby, and Crawford. “He really likes his down time. He enjoys spending it with his family at their home,” Ford said. He enjoys watching basketball and spending time in the outdoors with his boys. The entire family enjoys their time together. When the cousins are able to be together, the children enjoy pretending that they are in their own country band. “I like how his message is reflected in his life,” sophomore Jacob Barrett said. Barrett, who did not listen to much country music prior to four years ago, said that Turner was one of the first country singers he listened to. Turner represents the values that Barrett appreciates. Barrett is not the only one who appreciates Turner’s values. Senior Clara Leutheuser, sophomore Caitlin Kopmeyer, and sophomore Lindsay Kostrzewa enjoyed his deep voice and traditional values. They had a fantastic time at the concert with the entire volleyball team. “Being there made me like him more. I like what he sings, about God and his relationship with Him. He sends a good message,” Kopmeyer said. Having Turner at the county fair is a great encouragement to Leutheuser, who has grown up going to the fair. She said that it was great to see one of her favorite country singers in her hometown and gives her hope that the economy may be turning around. “My only regret is that we did not make a sign, because he would have made notice of it,” Leutheuser said. Turner interacted with the concertgoers. There was a good-sized crowd for the venue and chilly weather. He even made remarks about his last visit in Hillsdale when it was raining. Altogether, he seemed easy going and relatable, Kostrzewa said. Turner, who has had many exciting moments in his career—such as being inducted into the Grand Ole Opry, meeting former United States president George W. Bush and first lady Laura Bush at the White House, and doing Country Music Television Cross Country with Randy Travis—remains the family man that his loved ones and fans have come to cherish. firstname.lastname@example.org
All my love, Leah
Outfit details View on fashion
“Take an era and trends and mesh it with modern.”
Senior economics and theater major Style: “Era-inspired modern comfort”
“I literally get an adrenaline rush when I step out the door.”
Sweater: Tommy Hilfiger, Pants: Forever 21, Shoes: Macy’s, Earrings: H&M
“Oh, I love them!”
“When I was a freshman I wore sweat pants everywhere I went. My roommates made me dress up one day a week. My fashion is my homage to my roommates.”
- Compiled by Rachel Hofer
Michigan’s funkiest decennial adventure
Humor returns to campus blah blah blah
by Meineke van Auto Parts
Vol. MMI, Issue ‘01
GOAL program that funded a weekly “funny” section on the back page of The Collegian. Its heyday was the 2000-2001 school year, when a team of dashing, handsome, young men made it their mission to bring back humor to Hillsdale. Like a supernova bombarding the earth with radiation, each Thursday morning the Back Page sprinkled laughter on campus. This happy fairytale, however, could not last. With fame came a steady stream of girlfriends, low wage employment opportunities, and (surprising many on campus) the grad(Now, Another Wonderful Ten Years)
Like The BackPage ‘00-’01 on Facebook to read old issues!
- The Back Page salutes the administration for adding the Night-Capstone core course for all seniors. Although Psych majors have been drinking for years in the name of “research”, this course finally allows all students to imbibe for academic purposes. - The recent Relay for Life funding controversy has Student Fed exploring fairer ways to disperse student funds to campus organizations. Comments are sought on the following proposals: A winner-takesall Funding Cagematch, changing all the funds to pennies and hiding them in easter eggs across campus, and whoever can keep their hand on Margaret Thatcher the longest gets all the money. - Director of the Kirby Center, David What about Bobb, spoke recently to students about the naming process for the center. The final slate apparently included “Kirby Your Enthusiasm;” “Kirby-Fried Constitution – We do Liberty Right!;” “The Kirby Kenter on the Konstitution;” and “The Worst $16 Million I Ever Spent.” Bottum Six Reasons to Attend Homecoming 1) Getting a head start on paying back your student loans by collecting beer cans Sunday morning. 2) Handing out your resume. 3) Teasing Dr. Arnn with “potential” donations. 4) Having brunch at the Kappa House. 5) Visiting your old room in Koon, and getting fined since it’s a girls’ dorm now. 6) Going to the ODK tailgate party. 7) Because the campus actually has Internet, finally. 8) Making a “rubbing” of your “brick” on the “Liberty Walk.” 9) Having awkward conversations with forgotten Facebook friends. 10) It’s the people. Weekly Quiz: What’s the difference between the last 10 graduation speakers and a mosquito? Answer: A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
Excitement. Jubilation. Delirium. Dyspepsia. Just a few of the adjectives that capture the mood on campus this week in response to news that Humor has finally returned to Hillsdale College’s campus. After a ten-year hiatus, the Back Page once again appears in its rightful place in The Collegian - the back page. Its unexpected return has many recalling happier, hilariouser times. “Back in the day, humor was something we didn’t think about - it was just there, like liberty, religion, or the Alpha Xis,” said former Provost Bob Black “Beard”-Stock. “But then it vanished and things around here were never the same.” For those too young or senile to recall, the Back Page was a short-lived
“Making the funny ain’t like raising the money — it’s hard work.” - Cap’n Larry “P.” Arrrnn
uations of the Back Page staff. Following a raucous furniture-breaking dinner at Broadlawn, the last Back Page was published in May 2001. The dark years that followed were predicted by few but felt by many. “T. S. Elliot had his Wasteland, Dante had his Inferno and we had our humorless Collegian” said current Provost Dr. Whalen Wall. Official college historian, Arlan Bebel Gilberto, in a statement released to The Collegian, notes the historical importance of the loss of the Back Page to Hillsdale: “In the annals of campus funniness tragedies, the disappearance of the Back Page rivals only the retirement of Dr. Reist and the arrival of women on campus. Entire classes graduated without once chuckling while reading The Collegian. Who could have foreseen that humor would forsake this campus for so long?” Not all approve of the Back Page’s triumphant return, however. “Big” Jim Holleman, a frequent butt of the Back Page’s witticisms, stated “The Back Page was never funny and never will be. I have more funny in five minutes of my weekly choir practice than those rubes
Archive photo of the Back Page staff with Dr. Arrnnn.
had in an entire year of Back Pages,” he said as he polished off a brace of bearclaws. For those who remember the Back Page’s halcyon days fondly, however, the return of the funny brings hope, tempered by the recognition that restoring humor’s rightful role on campus won’t be easy. “I know humor,” said Cap’n Larry “P.” Arnn. “I’ve entered the New Yorker caption contest at least twice and let me tell you, making the funny ain’t like raising the money. It’s hard work.” The Think Tank Geriatric Joel (‘01) Last-gasp Luke (‘01) Wrinkled Willy (‘01) Dirty Old Ben (‘01) “Jitterbug” Josh (‘01) And featuring JD as the Gummy Beaver (‘02) Special thanks to: Cap’n Arrnnn for providing the newspaper space, the inspiration, dinner at Broadlawn, and most of the fodder. Hillsdale College for changing so little we can still make fun of it 10 years later.
Where do your alumni donations go?
10% Tithe to Rush Limbaugh Alumni Scholarships Illegal Alien Alumni Scholarships
Financial Aid Office
Forgotten Dorm Fines Alumni Dept. Bonuses
General Operating Pool
“Updated” Mold Test Results Debt Reduction Plan Arnn Special Projects New Humidor Constitution Day Kegger at Broadlawn
Color Wicker Furniture for Faculty Lounge Dry Cleaning SAGA Steve Cryonics Project Another Eagle Statue
All Chips on Black 22
Honor Code Tattoo
Hillsdale College Board of Trustees
10 Year Presidential Report Card
Subject Grade Comment
Letters to the Editor
Dear We’re Back Page, Aren’t you just a cheap knockoff of the much-storied Facebook phenomenon the Hillsdale Radish, only less technologically adept and 1,000,000 times less funny? Snarkily, Gutless Anonymous Publisher of the Hillsdale Radish Dear We’re Back Page, Don’t you ever get sick of all these alums coming to campus once a year blabbing on about “how funny they were” and whining that “George Roche always threw better parties.” I know I do. Avast, Dr. LeRoy “P” Arne Dear We’re Back Page, Our sincerest apologies to all the Senior women on campus. We have no idea what it must feel like to be you. To almost be finished at Hillsdale, not have a ring on your fingers and realize that all of your upperclassmen male friends have quietly disappeared out of your lives and into our lobby at Olds... ouch, that’s gotta at least modestly sting. Sincerely, Scantily-clad Freshmen Women
Hey Alums! Back in town this weekend and already feeling like a wet-behind-the-ears freshman? Use our handy guide to plan your homecoming weekend:
Friday, October 7
7:00 a.m. Breakfast at Saga You never went as a student, now’s your chance to see what all the fuss is about (Pro Tip: Skip.) 3:15 p.m. Reagan Statue Dedication It takes a great man to be a president; it takes 400 lbs. of bronze to make a statue (Pro Tip: if it’s cold, don’t lick the Gipper for luck.) 6:00 p.m. Alumni Awards Banquet Watch people you don’t know receive awards for things you knew nothing about (Pro Tip: Two words: Open Bar!)
Saga, Quality of Food Saga, Quality of Steve Football, Quality of Team Incoming Class, Attractiveness of
D+ A+ A Inc.
New Buildings, Erected
B CF+ D
Greek Life, Relations Humor on Campus
Alumni Relations, General
D g UN ba F O Ga r i n d he eh ll!
t b Ha ns l Ca tra en C
Notable Progress: Hot Brown no longer served weekly; hotdogs refreshed every other day Improvements Needed: Bring back the trays! Notable Progress: New sweater vests really have him sparkling! Improvements Needed: None Notable Progress: Team actually wins now Improvements Needed: Still far too much attention paid to those pesky academic “standards” Notable Progress: No longer dumber than dumb Improvements Needed: Smarter ≠ hotter; suggest requiring two pics for all applications or admitting fewer homeschoolers Notable Progress: Multiple erections Improvements Needed: Campus housing shortages still exist; suggest making Olds rooms triples Notable Progress: Delts are back, baby! Improvements Needed: Whither Alpha Xi, and Why Mu Alpha? Notable Progress: This issue of The Collegian Improvements Needed: Hire Back Page staff back as adjunct faculty of Humor Notable Progress: Alumni giving rate now at 11 percent (includes non-monetary gifts of two cows, case of peppermint schnapps, and pocketful of lint) Improvements Needed: Could easily be an “A” with a few “honorary” degrees for the We’re Back Page Alums)
Saturday, October 8
6:00 a.m. Moeggenberg Madness Get in your daily cardio as Moeggey himself leads you through Greco-Roman Zumba (Pro Tip: Wear your singlet!) 9:00 a.m. Bookstore open A Homecoming tradition we just can’t understand (Pro Tip: Return that old Western Heritage reader you have kicking around for quick pocket cash.) 9:00 a.m. Car Show Take Dr. Black-Belt’s Gremlin (no, not Dr. Peters!) for a spin, or marvel at Penny’s vintage MGB Roadster (Pro Tip: Free game parking at Broadlawn!) 10:00 a.m. Alumni Shoot Exactly what it sounds like (Pro Tip: Don’t stand in front of VP “Dickie C” Péwé.) 10:00 a.m. Art Exhibit featuring the work of Barbara Bush See classic portraits of George W., Betsy Dole, and a rare crayon drawing by a young Danny Quayle (Pro Tip: “Young” in Quayle’s case means “38 years old.”) 6:00 p.m. Professional Interest Sessions Late schedule additions include: fast food, bus driving and Hillsdale College employment (Pro Tip: Do your part by telling at least one English or History major student to switch to a business degree) 8:00 p.m. Charger Tent Party The band is obscure but the beer is cheap (Pro Tip: an extra buck to Blackstock results in a heavy pour)
Sunday, October 9
Signed, William Broadbeck Mountain
2:00 p.m. Tower Players present “Collating for Van Gogh” A Greco-Romantic comedy about a young, misunderstood office temp and the filing error that cost Van Gogh his ear (Pro Tip: Bring your tissues!)
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