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Synthesis: Marriage and Divorce

Why One Out of Every Two Fail & How to Make Yours Successful
English 102 Brandon Collins 10/14/2011

gov) . Susan Beebe. Clearly. and Rosen 298). and cancer (Gilman. Here are some other communication behaviors that cause and signal that the relationship is coming to an end: increased impersonal interactions. and Redmond 299). less physical contact. After having gone through divorce. decreased eye contact. Kilmann created a model that describes that people in relationships use different conflict management styles approach their issues with either . W. in Behrens. Fitzmaurice. Susan contempt.nih. and Lehrer ncbi. H. and Redmond 299). it is vital for a person’s well-being to have a successful marriage. studies have proven that people have higher rates of clinical depression. defensive behavior. and Buka psychiatryonline. and stonewalling (qtd.S. K. Thomas and R. The ability to appropriately and effectively resolve conflicts is substantial to an enduring successful marriage.Nearly 50 % of all marriages in the U. in Steven Beebe. in Steven Beebe. end up in a divorce (qtd. stroke. John Gottman studied relationships between couples for twenty plus years and in Gottman’s research he found communication behaviors that constituted to a 94 % chance of the couple eventually getting a divorce (qtd. Research also shows that married people have overall happier and longer lives (Waite.nlm. more use of passive language. The question now is: What are the most important factors that lead to a divorce and what are some of the necessary ingredients to a happily ever after matrimony between two people? An obvious deterrent of marriage is that of poor communication behavior. and Redmond 299). Among the debilitating communication behaviors are criticism. Susan Beebe. Kawachi. and fewer references to the future (Steven Beebe.

A. Huston spearheaded the Process of Adaption in Intimate Relationships (the P. goals. true personalities settled in.R. Susan Beebe. needs. they had “disillusionment” (qtd. Marriage couples using the avoidance approach think the issues will eventually go away. and they couples were filing the divorce papers. The other-oriented approach spills over . One third of the participating couples divorced because they had unrealistic expectations of their partner or as Huston describes. project) in which Huston and his team followed 168 newlyweds from day one through 13 years of marriage. These one third divorcees were madly infatuated with one another in the beginning of marriage and overlooked the flaws of their spouse. Interesting results were found on what causes divorce by University of Texas professor Ted Hudson. Among the most detrimental conflict management styles is the low concern for both partners (avoidance approach). let’s take a peek into what makes a marriage successful. and Rosen 299-300). feelings. the marriage’s problems will remain unsolved and inevitably contribute to the relationship’s downfall. Eventually the Hollywood romance faded. in Behrens. Being other-oriented means a person respectively and thoughtfully takes the other person into full account. or concern for their partner (qtd. in Steven Beebe. and Redmond 27-28). and Redmond 231-32).concern for themselves. To be other-oriented one must be aware of others’ thoughts. when in fact.I. Now knowing some of the most important factors that lead to divorce. One of the most vital skills necessary for a marriage to prevail is the ability for people in the relationship to be other-oriented. and respond appropriately (Steven Beebe. Susan Beebe.

in Behrens. In essence. Hudson also noted that couples in enduring dynamic relationships redefined their marriages from “romantic relationships” to “working partnerships” (qtd. Become other-oriented when it comes to devoting your life to someone in marriage because communication and conflicts are inescapable. failed expectations.into communication/conflict management skills and when actively practiced. and Rosen). and Rosen 300-02).A. Having an accurate perception of what your partner will be like in marriage will save you from marrying the wrong person and thus divorce. in Steven Beebe. and being able to redefine your relationship lead to a successful marriage. Susan Beebe. will yours? . project.I. Huston and his research team found that the marriages that began with lack luster love and/or realistic expectations of their partner were among the most successful of marriages (qtd. There were also fewer surprise moments that revealed the partners true character since they couples had true perception of their partner and the relationship. One out of every two marriages fail. and Redmond 30203). and constructive resolve of problems. the ability to truly know how your future life partner will be like. Seeing from your partner’s perspective allows flow of communication. in Behrens. Going back to Hudson’s P. so there wasn’t any erosion later on. Studies constantly site poor communication.R. and lack of conflict resolutions skills as some of the most common causes of divorce. Hudson categorized these types of marriages as relationships of an “enduring dynamics model” (qtd. This means that marriages had lackluster love to begin with. paths the way for a long and fulfilling marriage.

Steven Beebe. _Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others_ .ncbi. Waite and Lehrer. 4th Ed. and Buka. _The Benefits from Marriage and Religion in the United States: A Comparative Analysis_. _Family Depression in Childhood and Clinical Depression of Adults_. . Susan Beebe.nih. Kawachi. 2010. 299. <http://ajp. 298-302. _Writing and Reading Across the Curriculum_. Gilman. 6th Ed. New York: Pearson. 2003. and Redmond.nlm.>. Brief Ed. 2010. New York: Longman. American Psychiatric Association . Fitzmaurice.Works Cited: Behrens and>. <http://www.psychiatryonline.

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