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“Uh oh Dads home” Brittany exclaimed. I suddenly started to panic. The list he gave us had only a few jobs crossed off on it and he was home early. Stupid school teachers. They all gave me more homework than the rest of the kids in my class, because I apparently don‟t do any. The same excuse I have been given for the past three years, ever since I have started high school. But they don‟t care if I show up to school more bruised than I was the day before, no-one gives at all. “Don‟t worry about me Brit,” I said “just do as dad says; I‟ll take the blame for this.” “But Linden, I don‟t want you to get hurt, you know you will,” she replied, shaking with fear. “I know Brit, but it is better being me than you, no-one pays any attention to me at …….” Dad had walked in, and as always, he was drunk. Brittany ran to her room as he made his way to the couch. “LINDEN,” He yelled. Time for a beer, even as early in the afternoon as it was. I went to the kitchen and got the list he had made this morning, the only time he is ever close to being sober. I ran to the lounge with his first beer for the night. “Where‟s the list” he asked, slurring his words. His breath, like the lounge room, stunk, like stale alcohol and smoke. The lounge was a mess, I didn‟t have time to clean up from last night, and it was the next job on the list I had to do. “Right here father.” I replied. He looked at me, and a shocked look fell onto his face. “Jeez Linden, you look worse than yesterday, you filthy piece of shit, what the hell is with all that black crap in your hair? By the time I come home tomorrow, I want it all out!” “If you come home,” I said. I had let my tongue slip and for that I was going to pay. He hit me across the face with the back
of his hand. Tears automatically sprung to my eyes, but I stopped before they fell down my cheeks, no need to show how I felt. “I am your father, talk to me with some respect.” I nearly did it again, but stopped just in time. “Why are there only three jobs crossed off on this list?” he asked. I had to think about this answer. It didn‟t matter what I said though, he would still come for me tonight, and I would be hurt. “I‟m sorry father,” I said, trying to sound respectful, like he wanted, “the teachers gave me a lot of homework, and you were home early, I didn‟t really have time.” “Doesn‟t Brittany help you?” He asked. It was a risk, but I was willing to take it to keep Brit safe. “Oh yeah, she does, she does more than me, all the time.” “Is that so?” He asked, but he didn‟t give me time to answer, he suddenly hit me, right in the stomach, I screamed and faulted, falling to the floor. Once more the tears came, and once more I stopped them. My only chance was to get back up, before he could, save myself. I got up and he hit me again, in the same spot. I fell to the ground again and slowly recovered, picking myself off the floor once more. I hoped Brittany wasn‟t watching from the top of the stairs, like she sometimes does. “Get back to the kitchen, where you belong, you filthy bitch” He growled “Y-yes f-f-father.” was all I could manage, “And where‟s my dinner, I‟m hungry” he said “Yes Father” I said as I made my way back to the kitchen. I started to cook dinner, letting out everything, the tears, the rage and pain I could manage. I couldn‟t believe that he would
She gave me a side wards glance. “Ugh that was disgusting!!” he spat in my face as I bent down to pick up his plate. “Yeah Brit. “Is it bad?” I replied. so I went and said goodnight to Brit. for once in my life. “What happened to your face?” She asked.do this to his own daughter. I thought of Brit and how she would be feeling about her sister getting hit by her own father.V.” I said as I turned around. we did it in silence. I walked into her room and locked myself in. as soon as I locked that door. Brit went to clear away the plates from our dinner while I went to face our fathers. I went and served my father his meal to him on the couch in front of the T. After that I would then go and say good night to Brit. “Learn to cook” he said. Brittany helped me cook dinner. „I don‟t want her to get scared before her bed time‟ I thought. “Goodnight Lin. I felt relieved once I enter her room. it was like all the pain and fear I have disappear. are you going to be ok?” She asked and I knew she didn‟t mean the bruising on my face. It was like we were our own little family. I may look worse than I do now. “Jeez Brit. I screamed.” She replied. but I have never had the guts to say it to him. I suddenly felt arms around my waist. I finished cleaning the dishes. like. but for now she seemed ok. Dinner was finished for another night. „At least she still can‟ I thought to myself as his grunt dismissed her. There was no acknowledgment. “That‟s ok. Brit and I ate our dinner in silence. but he always does. what are you going to do?” she asked. Between now and Brit going to bed he would have as many as he possibly could and while I was cleaning up from dinner and cleaned what I could. it kind of hurts. His plate had one mouth full taken out of it. That‟s good. She was so lucky to have a lock on her door. and I was putting them away when Brit went and said goodnight to him. but I promise I will be here in the morning” „I hope‟ I added to . and made her way upstairs to her room. he did it to mum. “What did you do?” “Asked if he was coming home. thinking it was my father. but the left lay un-touched „Ah well‟ I thought „he can go hungry‟. I was safe. get as much homework done as I can. you scared me. when he is ready. I didn‟t want to lie to her. “A bit like him” I always thought to myself when he said it.” I had no idea what I was going to do. happy and in no threat from our drunken father. Then later. then as Brittany went to say goodnight to him. go and let him know I as going to bed. but we ate at the dinner table. just be careful of my tummy.” “Oh Lin. but it was only Brittany. which was hidden from Brit as her hands were “to filthy and she could get to it and get pissed” as dad always says. I thought I might ask her later when she was in bed when I went and said goodnight to her but I chose not to. in the room next door to hers. he will come for me. which was the furthest away from the wall joining our rooms as possible. She nodded her head. “I don‟t really know. I could tell. he would ask for the stronger stuff. which was so loud I could hardly hear myself think. but then I thought.” I said “Sorry. In my head was what should happen from now until my bedtime. I finished putting the dishes away. “Goodnight Brit” I said as I walked over to her bed. at the back of my mind I felt a small part thinking he might not come tonight. I didn‟t mean it. he wants all the black out of my hair. but I didn‟t want to scare her either. of course. I really wanted to ask her. we were both thinking.
could you come and get me?” I added just in case. I have had nothing between me and the drunken state I am forced to call my father. dragged my knees up to my chest and hugged them tight. I got down the stairs. thinking about what the teachers are going to say about the amount of unfinished homework. ok?” I thought I had better just add that. hitting me worse. I walked into my room and closed the door. I thought to myself.” she said “Night Brit” I said as I unlocked the door and turned off the light. They haven‟t cared since mum died at the start of grade six. and noticed that he was asleep. What? Do you SMOKE and do DRUGS as well? I am ashamed to call you my daughter. so she knows I will be here for her for as long as I can. He had an absolute fit when he saw me that first time in black. I suppose the only reason I hang with them. I went and found the only clean pair of pajamas I had left. The thought of her being all alone sent shivers down my spine. or for longer periods . At school there is only one person I can think of. as I locked it when I heard him coming. Just remember that I always will. Hanging out with all the rejects in the school is bound to do something to your social life. There was no lock on my door. I was hit really badly that night. not even a handle. I tried to get started on the English homework Miss Smith had given me. I mean honestly. The rest had blood on them. I came home from school the next day and it had gone. so I had put them in the wash. I can still remember it now. no-one can hurt you. is because I feel I fit in with them. one of the only precautions I could take to make sure she didn‟t hear what would happen in the next room in a few hours time. the second time he had hit me. and then who would be here to protect Brit. But they don‟t care if I turned up bruised. and wrote him a note telling him I was going to bed. All evidence had pointed to a robbery gone wrong.” She replied. Something has to be done about him before I go. and then climbed the stairs back to my bedroom. and as long as I am still here. or will notice anything different about me. my father had something to say about it. where I knew he could see it. Now.” Since then he has tried to get me out of black. „I need to do the washing tomorrow‟. “Yeah Lin. I changed and went down to tell my father I was going to bed. I sat on my bed. It was dads fault she was dead. “You FILTHY EMO. I closed it behind me. I wouldn‟t be able to till he came. with my back against the corner. it‟s not like I do any of the other stuff like drugs.myself “if I‟m not up by a quarter to eight. Sooner or later it was going to be my time to go. I could easily get suspended for that amount. I stared out the window. I am only a reject. and ever since. but he doesn‟t talk to me much. “I love you” she added in a whisper “Love you too Brit. I know it does. he normally comes after 12:00 so I sat and waited. I left it on his lap. but of course. or close to death. as far away from the door as I could. of course. I went and dragged the pile of homework out of my bag and placed on the desk next to the door and my bed. the more I found I couldn‟t. as I registered that if I wanted pajamas for the next night I would need to. “Ok Lin. right? I mean. because of the people I hang out with. It was 9:23. but I knew better. but the more I tried to work. She doesn‟t deserve this. Dad had taken it out two days after mum died. asking me all the stupid questions. I went to the kitchen. I glanced at the clock. that actually cares for me. all his fault.
Brit could wake up. In one hand he grabbed my hands and held them above my head. thinking about why he hadn‟t come in to get me yet. I wanted to ask him why he . not even a little bit. They looked weird.of time. mostly my face and chest. as I heard his feet slide along the hall down to my room. I didn‟t want to see how it was. My father grabbed the bottle and smashed it on the top of the desk. I looked back out the window. I stared. to be having my own blood spilt. and with the other hand he hit me in any place possible. I tried to cry out. as he wound a long piece of the duct tape around my mouth and my head. getting lost in thought once more. most of it went over me nicking the bare skin of my body.‟ Panic went through me like an electric wire. I was really scared now. I had no idea what was happening. I automatically lifted my hand. I screamed. He suddenly jumped on my bed. knowing that if I screamed. He started to laugh. Glass had gone everywhere. the sound being stopped by the duct tape. But he seemed to notice. I looked around my room to find my father. “What no screaming „eh?” he asked. and he‟s as drunk as ever and there is no chance for him to sober up. He grabbed me around the waist and threw me across the room. not believing my eyes when I saw it was now 3:17 in the morning.?” but I didn‟t get to finish my question. he obviously found it funny. I saw his eyes. he dropped to his knees. like nothing in the world I could do would help me get out of this situation. I am amazed that he hasn‟t given up yet. it was the only thing in my room that was bolted to the floor. just thinking. the only thing I could do to protect myself now. He came in and stood at the edge of my bed. as far up as they would go. next to me and grabbed my head. My hand was covered in what looked like a bright red liquid. it felt like I deserved it. around my knees and my ankles. „Wow‟ I thought. slurring his words. He forced me to lean against the edge of the desk.. but this time he had a bottle and a role of duct tape. He came into my room and slammed the door open. I was afraid of thinking about. I then climbed back into bed. What would be going through his mind right now. I felt weird. Then when he taped them together. announcing his return. The window had completely broken. I looked over at the clock. he had never done this before. already. but nothing has ever worked. and felt that there were pieces of glass wedged into my skull. He came in with an evil grin on his face. I took the pain as silently as I could. when I suddenly heard heavy foot steps on the stairs. I closed my bedroom door. it was 1:00 in the morning.. He then taped my legs together. He then grabbed my arms and dragged me towards the desk. It felt weird. “What the. making it hard to understand for anyone but me. I pulled a piece of it out and had looked at it. I took a glance at the clock. but good. I knew I was bleeding. He grabbed my hands and forced them into a position with the palms together. like he had no idea what he was doing. but I knew he did. That went quick. a scream. although you could have easily mistaken it for a fall. and with his evil grin on his face once more. Then taping around my chest I was made to lie against it. He stumbled into my room. He dropped the bottle at my feet. That‟s what he wanted. “Time for you to PAY” he said. „Oh god‟ I thought „He‟s coming. but I didn‟t have time to answer. I felt helpless. The glass went everywhere. As the back of my head hit the glass of my window. I didn‟t want to see the expression on my face. but he had gone. I then heard his footsteps.
He had cut every place he could think of. I cleaned myself up with the water and got out. They were blood stained and cut. and started cutting through my skin.” I asked.” I replied with a slight shrug.” “Love you too” she replied. I mean yeah. I dried . I hugged her. unable to protect my self any longer. He slashed my wrists. go and have breakfast. sending a smile to my face. “Oh Lin I was so scared. I jumped into the shower. but he could have…” she didn‟t want to say the last words. “He thought I wanted to be an Emo. The hot water stung the cuts for a while. She needed it. it seemed so different this time to the other times. I thought it might be better to start off on a positive note.Wake up.was doing this. I undressed myself and turned to the mirror. By the time we had finished. so I guess he made me one. Moving was what did it. He wanted me defenseless. how are you?” I asked. I was still in pain. She wiped the tears from her eyes. Her face lit up as soon as she saw me with me eyes open. let‟s get ready for school. I was thankful for jumpers and pants. “Yeah” “Ok. purple and red all over. but knew what she meant. My hair was all over my face and dried to it with all the blood on my face as well. It gave out the worst of what I looked liked. twice and I slumped over into unconsciousness. the only one I felt I was going to have all day.” She got to work unwrapping the tape from around my mouth and head. He then grabbed my head and hit it against the desk. My face was rather terrible. I hoped. from what I could see. Do you think you‟ll be ok while I go for a shower. from my slashed my wrists.” He added with a drunken laugh. I am so happy you did though. so that he could make something permanent. Beads of blood were coming through the cuts he had made. I mean. I winced. I tried to get her attention any way possible. Blood had dried down my hands and arms. it was so different all the other times.” She replied. It would cover most of the cuts and bruises. including my forearms and the bottom of my neck. like I should be dead with the amount of pain I was in. and then I got used to it. letting the water run down my body. her face glowing with happiness. and I was absolutely petrified. They were a bloody mess. “Why did he do that there?” She asked. Was it time to go now? Was I about to go the same way as my mum? He grabbed a piece of the broken bottle. and then stood back to admire his work. “Why did he do this to you. Love you. I untapped my knees while she did my feet. My body was bruised. crying. „At least I will fit in with the Emos at school now‟ I thought. She finished taking off the tape around my hands. so we both got started on my legs. and I was afraid to look in the mirror. it has gotten worse over the years. I didn‟t think you were going to……. I saw my pajamas and I noted that they were needed to be thrown out. I understood what he wanted now. good girl. I couldn‟t think straight. She finished unwrapping my mouth and had moved on to my hands. “Hey Brit. “You want to be an Emo?” he asked “well you are now. “Better now that you have woken up. The next thing I knew I was laying in a pool of my own blood and Brit was lying next to me. “Come on. I got my uniform and went to the bathroom. I only knew that Brit needed me and that was what counted. it was 8 o‟clock. I hoped they wouldn‟t be deep enough for me to bleed to death.
How about we have a chat tonight. I must look really bad. it wasn‟t a robbery gone wrong was it. you are like my mum. sprinkles with the crusts cut off. we really need to get going. You don‟t know how I felt when I saw you upstairs.” I said as she walked up stairs. and I didn‟t look that bad anymore. now is not the time to discuss this. When we arrived at her school.” “Aren‟t you eating breakfast?” She asked “Nah. . it was dads fault. it took up to much energy to talk. It took a lot of energy just to get there.” I told her. I tried to take a short rest. I‟ll talk to you tonight. please trust me. I didn‟t know if you were going to wake up. “Yeah Brit. I took a quick look at myself in the mirror now.quickly but carefully as we were already running late for school. “Please tell me…” “Not now. “Ok I understand.” I said with a laugh. wasn‟t it?” She asked. but Brit came back downstairs. I went and sat down at the dinner table and checked today‟s list. I was trying to muster up the energy to keep going on to my school. „I really need to do something about him‟ I thought.” She said with a smile “Yes mum. and placed it all in her lunchbox. next to her drink bottle. I had to think about this answer. not meaning to cut her off.” She said in-between sobs. I‟ll check today‟s list. “Ok Lin. and after locking the door. “Brit. your right. As I picked it up. saying the wrong thing would get Brit upset. and you can ask all the questions you want?” I said. I really need to go. the teachers would get mad at me for upsetting a pupil. I really hope so. and I didn‟t know what I was going to do without you in my life. Please don‟t worry about me. I think its time that I was going. needing to go. not that they care about the reason anyway. my set of keys. and I need you in my life Lin. I got my school stuff. And as she was in the school grounds now. physically and emotionally. “See ya Brit. I noticed just how weak I was.” I said as I walked in the direction of my school. be good. I just listened. “What really happened to mum? And please tell me the truth. I don‟t really feel like eating today. “Thanks Lin.” I said. Could you please make my lunch?” She asked me a little sheepishly. She looked a little upset by my answer. Brit dried her tears. “Brit I would never lie to you. I made her favourite lunch. she asked me a weird question. “Why are you crying” I asked her. I don‟t know how you felt but you don‟t need to worry anymore and I can still look after you. The walk to Brit‟s school was a long one. “Sure Brit.” I said and we both laughed. People were staring at me.” “Um. can you go brush your teeth. but not one that I wasn‟t expecting. walked towards Brits school. I went downstairs and found Brit crying. but I really don‟t think now would be the best time to tell you this.” I told her. I let Brittany do all the talking. I got her snacks. Last night really took it out of me. a small smile visible on her face. but I think she knew it was coming. it will take a lot to bring me down. “I was so scared for you Lin. I‟ll see you after school. walked out the door behind Brit.
When I got there. and now Miss Stuart was now writing board notes for us to copy. and I am forever getting stared at. I could still feel the eyes on me. We were focusing on Forgery as a topic. that is history. I decided to watch the clock. looking into his deep blue eyes. but I kept going. „Do I really look that bad that not even my form teacher will look at me?‟ I asked myself. it‟s over. I got to the gates of my school and there he was. Great. „stupid clock. your face is all bru…” I slammed my hand over his mouth. now that Brit was at school I was in no hurry. following me to my seat.‟ On my way to school. he will… I hope. I didn‟t want to cause a scene. I stared back at her. last week we did a few experiments on it. “But Lin. and I may not. I usually love it but I can‟t do anything right without Josh.” I said looking up for the first time since leaving Brit. the only person in the school who cared about me. you just have to understand that I will tell you when I am ready. but when I looked at her. „Please let her be ok‟ I thought „she didn‟t deserve to see me like that this morning. including the teacher. and if he wants to tell me. she looked away. “Hey Linden.” I said as I walked through the gates. I love the practical side of things. it was recess so finally I could talk with Josh. I removed my hand from his mouth and together we walked towards the Year 9 block. not meaning to have that much force. It was rather boring. everyone was already seated and the teacher had already started to talk. I decided with just going about with work. God it sucks! This should be a good class. I took my usual seat at the back of the room.“See ya” and she was gone. I could feel the eyes of everyone on the back of me. but it might not be any of my business and he might not want to share. I was pushed around a bit and I nearly fell over once but I finally made my way to where I needed to be. I went back to my locker. At the end of the lesson. and when she keeps the class busy cause then they don‟t have a chance to look at me. He nodded.‟ I thought „I am yelling at a clock now‟ I laughed at myself. I really think I should ask him. They all looked at me. near the computer pod. but today was not one of them. I may want to tell you. I mean its Forensic science. Josh isn‟t in them for one. I am an outsider in every class that Josh isn‟t. I did what I was supposed to. “But what happened to me last night.‟ I realized quickly that Josh wasn‟t being himself. “Josh I can understand that I look really bad. Through the corridor I went. but I really didn‟t want him to say anything. My form teacher stared at me as I walked into form class. „Crap‟ I thought as I opened the door. „I have a really bad feeling about today. so I just kept my head down and continued to work. I opened my books and tried to pick up what work we were doing. Whoa.” I said. to see if I could count down to the bell. Do you understand?” I asked. “Please don‟t worry about me. I hate the elective classes. what happened to yo…. getting pushed about again. I didn‟t dare to look up. As I walked. I walked very slowly. he was distant as if he was thinking really hard about something. I made my way over to . “Hey Josh.” “Shut up” I said. Miss Stuart. it rang earlier than the clock said. It wasn‟t like him not to talk to me. like detecting a forged note. I‟m fine. I didn‟t want this.
Brit was waiting for me. All the popular kids were flirting with the sports freaks. without him in my life.” She said to me. I sat down and observed what was going on around me for the first time in a while. she burst out. but as I got to the end of the road. students.” I said with a laugh. Days like today were bad for me. and gave her some biscuits. Josh wasn‟t there for one and everyone hated me. It was hot now and I desperately felt the need to take off my jumper. It grossed me out. They finish before me. Brit following close behind. so I couldn‟t. They were making really bad movements to them. but I could somehow tell that he was close to tears. We were making rotating cards. “Ok calm down and let‟s get inside first. I went to the kitchen. „why didn‟t he come?‟ Science and math was a blur. and without Josh here to care for me. Josh normally walks out with me but today he was no where to be seen. He moved away to get away from all the crap with his family. except for me” I replied . and it was always boring and crappy. well I hoped that I made it before he offed himself as well. the bell rang for the end of school. but as soon as I walked in the door. I wanted to ask her how her day was but she had other things on her mind. „He is probably really upset. Josh sat with me. We walked home in silence. I jumped and my sad look started to creep back onto my face. “What happened to mum is it what I thought?” She asked me. that way people won‟t know we are there. but he was still very distant. I could tell it was going to be worse. so I was kind of rushing. I looked at Josh. but there were so many people around me. My mind kept asking that over and over. I began to think he would never speak to me again. and made her a Milo. I tried to follow. “Did dad kill her?” she asked “No-one is 100% sure that he did it. I gave up. he had gone.the big tree we sit behind. “You promised you would tell me. I continued to walk out of school. I was thinking about random things. but by the time I got my stuff. I walked back out to the big tree and waited all lunch time for Josh to come but he never turned up. photography. I crossed the road. Josh wasn‟t there. as it wasn‟t working out up there either. I looked behind it. The next thing I knew. But I suppose that I would prefer to be one of them than who I am. I went to my other elective class. I hoped he did. “It depends on what you thought happened” I said to her. former students. her favourite afternoon snack. I found the time flying. there would be no reason for me to be here. I was going to try and save him. it was kind of fun. he took his stuff and literally ran out of the room. „I hope he comes‟ I thought to myself. The minute the bell rang for lunch. and I found myself walking out of the school by myself. and I was going to send them up to Jayden new place. like he was still thinking. I got started. The bell rang and kind of scared me. and as soon as she saw me she crossed the road so I didn‟t have to cross. and was out into the corridor. and walked to pick Brit up. the first thing that popped into my head. looking out for him. that I started to play games on the computer. and he had the same sad look I had. and finished one in record time. I was pushed around again as I went back to my locker to put my stuff away. and surprised myself. people were still staring at me. I am so glad I‟m not like them. parents and people like that were walking near me and my cut and bruised body. „Josh never showed‟ I thought as I made my way back to my locker. he didn‟t show‟. I was so bored.
I have to stay here for you Brit. it was a scary time. Over the next few weeks. He said in a harsh whisper “you deserve it bitch” and then walked back to his chair and sat down” I didn‟t realize that Brit was crying and I felt tears on my face as well. Brit I am only here for you” I said. I didn‟t know if it was the right thing to do. mum thought you were tired. I decided to se if I could get their attention. then your sister will wish she was never born. she was only 7. „Your mum died. you were sound asleep. I cried myself to sleep that night. you even had a smile on your face. and was on his feet.‟ He said. I suddenly heard a thump and a scream. He seemed cheerful. and he is still with us and mums not. I went in and checked on you. I think. he even replied to you. There was a dark red stain on the carpet. Dad was still in his seat. including mum. I was so sure you would wake up. right from word go. I can‟t dare even to think about your life with out me here. just dad. I heard mum scream again as he jumped forward. Dad had a broken beer bottle in his hand. Brit was silently crying. Five minutes later. I could here our names a lot. “I‟m sorry Brit. police were always around. I shouldn‟t have told you. pieces of glass everywhere and a few small specks of blood on the walls. “I was lying in bed. I am ready. because she went into the lounge and started to talk to dad. After a while. Everything was going as well as it was ever going to get. I went to the top of the stairs and from there I could see what was happening. hoping you were. “I don‟t…” She cut me off “Please?” she said “Ok. but I kept going. and for a while he forgot about you. you aren‟t ready “NO Lin your wrong. I was at the dinner table. who was backed up against the wall in the corner of the lounge room. “It‟s o ok” she stuttered. I was so glad you didn‟t hear anything. the broken bottle connecting with her face. A year or so later. When I woke up. she stopped crying and pushed herself away from me. I started to like the colour black. “O-k. so now I am going to hit you. the nightmares I had were filled with what happened anyway. mum came back down. I don‟t think I believed what had happened the night before. I didn‟t think you would be like this” I said. . but mums body was gone. You were only 7 at the time. You wanted to know” “Doesn‟t matter. the tears on her face were flowing like rain. half way to the drunken stage he gets to. but only to talk to dad. After about an hour I took myself to bed. doing my homework. the discussion was getting heated and I didn‟t want to disturb them. I have a feeling it was about how he hit all of us. I slowly walked over to the corner. I really didn‟t know if I should tell her. before I took you to school. not me or you. so I suppose you don‟t really remember. asleep. That night you went to bed early. dad gave me a warning. I think she forgot that I was still up. I looked away and heard her scream fade into a shuddering final breath. Any way you had to tell me sometime” she said “Ok I know” I went over to her and gave her a big hug. advancing towards mum. that‟s it. trying to get to sleep. but if you die. and after. but as soon as I fell asleep. tell me what happened after that” she pushed me. They started yelling. “No Brit its not. But somehow he was found innocent. I just miss her that‟s all. if you say so. “I‟m sorry Brit.“Can you please tell me what happened” she whispered. You said goodnight to me and mum took you upstairs. You went in there and said goodnight.” I heard her gasp. I ran downstairs. Dad was on the couch. while hitting me worse than ever.
except for the lawns before our father returned. I have been saving the clothes for a while. Her clothes. and that was the only thing I was sure of. I had no idea what I was going to say to him.” I said. Brit ran up stairs. even after what I do.” I really couldn‟t tell what she had done. I wasn‟t looking forward to this that‟s for sure. Though he didn‟t look it drunk. “Thanks Lin. was out of sight. She looked different. the people I hang with. and now Brit‟s in black too.. but for a few minutes I couldn‟t put my finger on what it was.” I cried. I was scared for my own life and Brits as well.” she said “let‟s start these stupid jobs.” I said to him politely. what I wear. I began to get scared. I was speechless.. I felt so proud to be her sister. . what did… You look amazing. “Don‟t worry Lin. I began to vacuum when I heard footsteps. so if you could get started cleaning the lounge. “that would be great” “Sure thing” We worked in silence. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a beer and took it to him in the lounge.” She trailed off “I‟m so sorry” “Doesn‟t matter. I want to look like you!” she whispered. All the shit I have had over the past years because of what I wore. but I want to ask one thing. She was wearing BLACK. but lets wait to see what dad says before we do anything else ok?” “Deal” Brit said “so what can I get started on?” “I‟ll do the washing. “What the hell do you want?” he said. but I don‟t know why. I understand.” “What…” I asked. SHIT what‟s dad going to say. “I‟m going to get the blame for this.. „I‟ll begin at the top of the list and worked my way down‟ I thought. My heart was racing. and everything.” I whispered. “Whoa Brit. I thought that my father could hear it in the other room. so I grabbed the list for tonight and checked it -Vacuum -Washing -Clean the lounge room -wash dishes -mop -mow the lawns -dust „God‟ I thought „that‟s one big list. all black. her headband. but I wasn‟t quick enough. lets start these jobs. how are we supposed to do all that?‟ I asked myself. “Good afternoon dad. „It‟s just me and him now‟ I thought to myself.. “Whoa Brit. we got most of the jobs done. I walked over to him.She walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs. she looked beautiful. “Oh God. So glad she still looked up to me. “Well I have some news…” I started to say. still unable to finish the sentence “Can you dye my hair?” she asked “Ummm. I was going pay for it tonight. Brit was coming down the stairs. I decided that the talk was over. everything she wore were like mine. and with a final look back at me. we could tell there was something wrong as soon as he slammed the door. and then I noticed.” I couldn‟t finish.” I choked out “let me deal with him.
then I am going to do something. I didn‟t want her to but she is. “Hello there Linden. “Look.” “Like what?” he replied sarcastically. I‟m going to get it tonight anyway. and you actually know what. whether tonight was going to be the same as the night before. see you tomorrow. and that hurt. I said the only thing that I could. mum dying. your worse than your bloody mother!” He said. It was time for the begging. a lot. he had no right to say it. As long as it was me getting hurt then Brit was going to be okay. This is something that I had no control over.” I said.“IS IT IMPORTANT?” he said. “Whatever. she did it all by herself. “Dad. just hurry up and get this over with. and she told me back. “What did she do?” he said. It was late and I told her she should probably go to bed. the stupid grin on his face. “Love you Brit.” I said. I could feel the tears in my eyes.” I stopped and took a breath. and trust me I could. My mind started to wonder. you‟re an awful BITCH. I don‟t care what you say. thanks. hopefully masking my own sarcasm. We loved her more than anything in the world. “Do what you want to me. For now! In his hands were the duct tape. “Its all good. I realized I didn‟t care. “WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?” “Dad I swear I didn‟t do anything to her. the footy final starts in 10 minutes and I want to watch the whole thing with out an interruption. “you couldn‟t do anything to me if you tried.” I said “Love you too. or getting angry with me or anything. Please believe me when I say this. It was amazing how much we looked the same once we had the same colour hair. I couldn‟t care less. Brit growing up. Brit has decided to do it all by herself.” She said for the third time. or nothing the same. Brits wearing black. “I am only emo thanks to you father” I replied. That was all I could think of. “It‟s to do with Brittany. “Are you going to risk your FREEDOM on something like that?” I asked and turned around and walked off. I went and tucked her into bed. I hate my father. I was so sick of this. then I‟ll say it quick. I hope this works. I blow dried her hair once the dye was washed out. We had a long conversation about how cruel our dad was. My mum was the best person in the world to us. I HAD NO CONTROL OVER THIS!” I repeated. to make him listen. it occurred to me that tonight would be different. talk about the only thing he cares about. and I can‟t believe he did. even though it what. As he opened the door. being polite. I hate him so much I wish he was dead. I don‟t actually think he cared what I said anyway so I don‟t know why I was trying. I can‟t change what she wants. Within 10 minutes I heard Dad coming up the stairs. I told her what I thought of him. everything. “Dad for the first time in your life.” I said. He blames me for everything. his voice dripping with sarcasm. so I really don‟t care. . “is it important to me was??” It was time to get nasty. and once more I could tell that he was as drunk as ever. but no bottle. I‟m going to dye her hair tonight. please listen to me with out yelling. my perfect little emo girl” he said. After tea that night I dyed Brits hair for her. Brit changing.” I said to him “What have you done to her?” He replied. but you touch a hair on Brits head. in my head I added „I hope‟ I then went to my room and closed the door.
scarier than he normally does. sarcasm gone from his voice. like I needed . that‟s not going to help you. I felt it in many places across the front of my body. The flow of the oxygen flew back in.” he said. but nothing worked. I heard a smashing sound on my bed side table and a shower of what felt like glass fell over me. and as I felt it come down on my neck.” I looked away. All of a sudden I felt hands under my top. This time was different. felt it draw blood. and the fun in his eyes were glowing. He paused as he took a breath to say something “Enjoying yourself?” my father asked me. I don‟t want to hurt you more than I have to. actually. I felt the belt come down on my shoulders. “Hey that‟s personal.‟ “Don‟t move. I really just wanted it to be over. and there was no way I could stop them. it was the most painful I have ever felt. I squirmed and screamed. He kept bring the belt down. it sounded so much like a whip.” And he removed the belt from my neck. but it came out all muffled. not from the pain. stupid tape I thought. such a waste. Now I was scared. “oh that‟s a shame. I wasn‟t able to stop the tears as he brought it down again. cutting of the flow of the oxygen in to my lungs. “Now. but it still somehow felt good. like ripping material. There was then a new sound. “Mm I like what I see. but nothing I did could stop him.‟ I thought. actually come to think of it I don‟t care what you do” he said with a laugh. He brought the belt down across my backside. The belt stopped and I heard it drop. and my lungs re-filled with air. and I hated it. the draws next to my bed. “Ha helpless little Linden. not wanting to look in his eyes.‟ I thought „that‟s my black belt. I then heard the sound of my dad searching through my underwear draws. looking for something. and I was helpless. I tried moving. There was an unrolling sound. across my stomach this time. and my bare chest and stomach was exposed to my father. making him look really scary. “such a shame. I started to struggle as I felt dad hold the belt across my neck.” I tried to cry out. it was left there. different to the tape. now. He then cut another piece of duct tape and tapped my hands to the bed rest. but from the frustration. He brought the belt down onto the bottom of my feet and I knew it was going to have trouble walking in the morning. only for a second. and cut my wrists again. I felt a searing pain on my shins. over everything. I could hear the sound it made as it flicked across my skin. I tried to cry out. because I am. I whimpered. I felt better. kind of like a rope. Then at the end there was a sound like buckle parts being knocked together.“SHUT UP emo” he said. He had finished with this side of me and turned me onto my stomach so that my back was showing. he tapped my mouth with the duct tape. to get his attention. I could feel the fresh flow of blood down my forearms. don‟t touch it. and I felt it draw blood as it came down behind my knees. if I survived this. I felt him touch me. and I couldn‟t do anything about it. my life and his! I was over it all. and it was scary. „I think he found what he was looking for. He was touching me in my own room.” Dad said.” I heard him say under his breath. but I couldn‟t. I felt the ripping of tape away from my hands. I shook my head as quickly and as strongly as I could. with the glass. He grabbed my hands as I tried to pull them away from him. „Stupid father‟ I thought „making me helpless like this‟ “Aha” he suddenly cried. I started to cry again. I heard the duct tape being unrolled and I no longer saw anything. like the pain I was enduring was worth it. I heard him leave the room and return moments later. over watching mum die. „Oh crap.
I went to the draw in the cabinet and grabbed a pair of scissors . as I needed to be ok to look after Brit. I got up. and he ripped the tape from my mouth.” he replied. It was then when I realized the time. He removed his hands from my body once more.” “Aye Aye Captain. and there was nothing I could do about it. so I walked like I had a pole up my ass. and there was nothing I could do to stop him. He seemed so adamant about the way Brit was. My alarm clock went off. not after that.” He walked out of the room. So I limped back to my room. I didn‟t think I could go back to sleep. grabbed and put on a shirt and limped in to Brits room. “Where‟s the fire?” she asked. I thought I should tell someone. everything was blurry. pulled a new shirt out of my cupboard and grabbed out some of the homework. There was only one thing that I wanted to say to him. I was so humiliated. grabbed my uniform. I don‟t care. and turned on the light. I felt like I was hit by a truck. I slammed open the door. having bare chest in front of my father. as if he had never heard me. I put my hands done by my sides again. but I didn‟t think I could trust anyone with this. I ripped the remaining tape of my hands. I couldn‟t lift up my arms very far. lying there on my bed. as it brought me back to reality. The limp was becoming worse. he could do whatever he wanted to Brit. slowly closing the door behind me. trying to do my maths. I tried to distract myself by doing it. I sat against the bed rest. hoping to get rid of the thought of my dad touching me. I suppose I would have laughed if I hadn‟t been so friken scared that Brit was hurt. my vision was coming back. my knee was swollen. I stumbled out of my bed. she doesn‟t move. but just don‟t hurt Brittany” I cried “You know what. I had no idea what really happened and what was a nightmare. I hoped it would keep me occupied while I wait for Brit to wake up. I opened my books across my bed. and ripped the tape from across my eyes. I shook my head. I felt him grab me again. I had to think hard about this. still half asleep. where I suddenly re-lived what happened the night before. because if she was then it would be all my fault. It played through my mind over and over again. Then without releasing it I fell asleep. if I get knocked out again. I couldn‟t walk very well. I don‟t think I could survive another session with him any time soon. I looked over at her alarm. When I woke up in the morning I was in pain from head to toe. “Oh shit sorry Brit. it didn‟t work. As I tried to take my pj‟s I cried out in pain. and that made it harder. The frustration was killing me. imaging what could happen tonight if I didn‟t stick up for myself. but the one thing I hoped didn‟t happen was the only thing I couldn‟t stop thinking about. slowly. to my elbow and fall into my lap. I was scared.” I said “go back to sleep.” she said groggily. sitting up in bed. I thought suddenly. “I prefer your sister anyway. I tried to stop him. I groaned as I got up. and limped to the bathroom. I walked out of her room. I still couldn‟t see. I slowly brought my wrists up to my eyesight. I sat on my bed. My heart was slowing down. it caused me so much pain to just lift my arms above my head. I could see the dark red blood flow down my forearms. I lost track of time. I startled Brit. It was3:30 in the morning. falling back down to her pillow. asleep before her head hit the pillow. I hoped he hadn‟t done permanent damage. I couldn‟t bend my legs.it. so how was I going to do anything. but nothing I did worked. “Do what you want to me. I really hoped that he wouldn‟t come back.
The blood turned the water red. “Hey Brit. knees. but I could guarantee there was more on my back. I decided that I wouldn‟t say a thing. after mum died. like Josh was yesterday. locking the door after me. “Brit wait up!” I said. Her face was covered in makeup. I figured that my body must have swollen. How‟s things?” I asked her as I walked into the kitchen. She doesn‟t deserve to wake up every morning not knowing if I survived the night. I am only still here for you. and started to snip. I washed the blood out of my hair. and got out of the shower. I didn‟t mean to say anything to hurt you. I was a little worried about her. The first thing I thought of when I saw that was that dad had had a go at her too. „At least she‟ll be ok there I hope. I had put all the pain behind me as I ran after her. you don‟t know what will happen if I do. only because I felt Brit was going to worry if I didn‟t eat again today. I walked down stairs and found Brit eating breakfast. because my pj‟s were really tight around my body. I need you…” I muttered. “Just leave me alone. slamming the door without a backwards glance. and I saw her turn into the school yard. But as soon as I got to the middle of my body. I decided that I would have to endure this pain as I needed to get out of these clothes.” I came up behind her and out my hand on her shoulder and spun her around. There was a long black bruise around my neck from where the belt was held across my neck. I hated my father for what he did to me. It was rather cool. “Brit please tell me what‟s wrong. and walked over to her. I pulled the scabs of the welts as I pulled the sleeves off of my arms.” she said with tears falling down her face. “I was just asking if you were ok. I had welts on my shoulders. turned on the shower and jumped under. From the back she looked exactly like me. I slowly patted all the water off my body and put my school uniform on.‟ I thought to myself as I limped towards school. but heavily applied. I grabbed my bag and ran out the door after her. “Yeah” she said. I was regretting . I decided to cut myself out of the pj‟s. I checked my body. she reminded me of me. it turned to blood. “Ready to go?” I asked her grabbing her lunch and bringing it across to the table. I hoped he didn‟t have the guts to do anything to her. especially as I knew he killed mum.out of it. She felt really distant. because as far as I knew Brit was ok. you‟re my sister. It was weird. I was nearly in tears as I cut the top of my top. and grabbed a scarf and hung it loosely around my neck. “Meh. it was like as soon as the water hit my body. and every where else I could see. I needed to end it all soon. like she was covering something. her lunch all done. The black bruise around my neck could be seen above my top.” I had a feeling that this was taking its toll on her. “Whoa Brit are you ok?” I asked. “YES I‟M FINE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” she cried. I began to bleed afresh as I pulled my pants and underwear off as quickly as possible.” She said and ran off again. I looked at her face for the first time. not just a little bit. and her dressed ready to go. I had to lift my arms. “I-I c-c-can‟t…. and now that I had stopped running. swung her bag over her back and stormed out of the house. The water stung the welts on my body. She got up and stumbled a bit. I made my lunch. I began at the bottom. I went into my room. but I was ok.
He was the only one I lived for outside of our family. I turned into my school. putting my hand under his chin and lifting it up. “Hey its ok. We held each other. I needed him to be ok so I could tell him how worried I was about Brit. Brit woke up this morning really distant. “Ok let‟s go. But recently I have been afraid that it hasn‟t been working. Suddenly the bell for the start of school rang. “She will be ok. I want you to promise me that you won‟t go to the police about this. “Hey. just a scary thought I replied. “Ok… well. A lot of things have happened to me since mum died. It felt good though. and noticed Josh waiting for me.. “Hi. Anyway. I bent over and kissed his cheek. “I‟m sorry about yesterday. “Don‟t worry. like she was hurt. placing my lips on his. like I was loved by a boy. I really don‟t. I need to talk to you. and I‟m going to do it. rather slowly.” He replied.” Josh said with a smile on his face as he looked up to see me at school early. “So. I was happy to be in his arms. I don‟t want her to be hurt Josh. “What‟s wrong?” Josh asked me as he saw me shiver. and then when you wouldn‟t tell me what happened the other night I didn‟t know how to act… I just needed my space yesterday. as josh pulled his seat out from under the desk and I just stood behind it. “Sorry… I‟m a tad sore there. the thought of how dad would act if I got an after school detention sent shivers down my spine. she was very upset. “Ok I promise. after I pulled away from him. I hoped I could last the lesson. “Of course. really. and for a moment I felt liked I belonged. I have my own way of fixing this. I was in a bit of a bad mood. . I blushed and so did he.. it has been happening to me because I have been trying to protect Brit. Josh got up and then grabbed my hand and helped me up. My bum was rather sore now and as I walked into class I wondered how long I would be able to stand up in class before the teacher asked me to see the principle for disobeying her. but without bringing my own worries into the conversation.” I grabbed his arm and put it around my waist instead.” I said. I shrugged it off. It was the best feeling in the world. He looked away and when he turned back his face was his normal colour. “I enjoyed it as well.” I never realised that I was crying.” I said.” He said to me.” I replied. I hoped he was ok today. thanks. “Before I go on.” I said to him. I was afraid that this was the wrong thing to do. Josh put his arm around my shoulder. I smiled. nothing was ever going to replace that feeling. what‟s happened?” he asked.running after her.” “See that‟s the thing I really don‟t think she will be and I am really scared for her. not meeting my eyes. I was happy I told him my worries about Brit. everything will be. things that at the moment I can‟t discuss at the moment. you really have to be on the receiving end of him to understand. “Why aren‟t you sitting down?” Josh asked.” Josh said. “Yes…” he said. um.” I said to him. It felt like we were made for each other. “Wow. I guess you don‟t really understand what I‟m saying. Lin.” I said. I was so glad to see that he was ok today. I leaned in. I saw him look at me and despite everything. Do you forgive me?” He asked.” We walked over to the big tree and sat down. “Ok well I‟m really worried about Brit.
I want to…fix this. She finished calling the roll and started to explain what we needed to do this lesson. If I sit down. putting her hand on my shoulder. “ there is no way you can fix this. my voice still shaking. I got up and limped as quickly as I could down a corridor I knew had a dead end.” She said. my voice all shaky. and I tripped and fell as my knee gave way. I had no idea where I was going to. I doubt that I will be able to stand back up again. I was happy with that. trying to force me to sit down. The welts on my shoulder burned. I‟m really worried about you. You are the only one I care about. and I knew that wasn‟t going to happen. I could still feel the tears flowing down my face. “You‟re meant to be my friend.“I can‟t. “What so now you‟re taking her side!” I cried. “Linden please sit down.” Miss Leah.” I replied to her. I didn‟t want to talk to anyone. but I would really prefer if I did my work standing up. and I had all my weight resting on my good leg that hadn‟t collapsed…yet. “I‟m sorry miss. I could faintly here Miss Leah yelling over the top of the laughter at the class to quiet down. Sit down now. As she finished explaining to the class. I must have looked like a mess. and heard the footsteps behind me quicken as they tried to keep up with me. and as my name came up. I felt a sharp pain go up my leg. quickly limped out of the room and down the hall. I had no idea how to tell him I felt the same way. I was fiddling with my bra strap. Miss Leah walked down the isle towards me. “Josh…” I said and turned around to face him.” I stuttered through my tears. other than my mum. I am very disappointed in you. she was dead. I desperately wanted to take it off.” Miss Leah said. showing all of the red marks my father had placed on me the night before. it hurt more than anything my dad had put me through these past years.” I whispered as the teacher walked in. but I ignored them. I cried out in pain. I ran. please tell me what‟s wrong. I couldn‟t really understand what she was on about. I heard footsteps behind me. “No miss. She didn‟t bother looking up at me. she looked up and spotted me still standing behind my seat. As she walked.” The voice belonged to Josh. “just leave me alone!” “But Lin. please…” I mumbled. “Piss off. they were laughing at me. “LINDEN!” the voice behind me yelled. Don‟t make me get the principle. Please” I said in no more than a whisper. She began to call the roll. “Linden…please. the heads on either side of her followed up. “Just leave me alone….” I said as I pulled my shirt up around my bra. I screamed. Dad must have really done some damage to me for my knee to collapse. I still didn‟t know who it was but I knew they were persistent. it was rubbing against a welt on my shoulder. Please tell me. She came to a halt behind me. “Linden. . It was something about genres. only that I was getting out of the room. and I had no idea why. “Linden Sit down NOW. I don‟t want to be so sore I can‟t get out of my seat at the end of class. I could still hear the footsteps behind me. you stick up for me!” “Linden. “sitting on the ground hurt me.” He said. Miss Leah took her spot in the middle of the class at the front of the room. I‟m worried about you. just sit down…” Miss Leah said. I replied. but I didn‟t know what the out come would be.” “Ohk…” Josh said as my media teacher. “I told you that you should have just sat down…” mumbled Josh.
Lin. I wanted him to understand that he wasn‟t going to be able to change anything. I had a thought at the back of my mind that if I told him everything. no matter how hard he tries. I knew dad wouldn‟t be home. It was the smell of dad. . it‟s not easy… I have to make his tea. And I really don‟t know what to do about it any more. We walked out of the school grounds. His face showed no emotion but I wondered what was going through his head. out of school?” I asked. to anyone. I took a step inside and pulled him in quickly after me. As we left the grounds. I took him back to my house. I looked over at Josh. What‟s happened to you?” Josh asked.” Josh replied. I wanted to get as far away from this place as I could.” I said. just tighten his grip around his. and Brit‟s. “This is where I live. Brit will help me. the horrid smell of stale cigarette smoke and beer. We go to the door. I hated this life. I decided that I wasn‟t going to take my homework home. and I pulled him to a stop. waiting for me every morning. I will be the one to fix it. I had no idea what to tell him. “Why don‟t we go for a walk?” he asked. But at the moment I am afraid for my life. I grabbed my bag form my locker. after an episode of…. He stumbled inside. That‟s why I looked the way I did that day. It was hard for me to explain it at all. I am going to change this. but it was quickly erased with the thought of what dad would be like after it. though. swear it on our friendship. I need you. And see you there. “Whoa. he was looking around and taking it all in. I spend every waking hour doing jobs for my father.“Whoa. he hits me. I pulled my shirt back down. staring at my feet. I started limping down the corridor. Also anything I say to you after this point will not be repeated to anyone. I might be able to survive. I was happy that I was going to be finally able to tell someone everything.” I said to him. I open the door. Please promise that you won‟t tell a soul. Lin. I felt happy. Lin. nothing you say or do will be able to change it. I want you to understand that what you see is what I live in. and Josh was right beside me. It is the best feeling in the world. and we then walked to Josh‟s‟. you really have no idea how good it feels to get up every morning. The other night he hit me across the face because I asked him if he was going to come home again the next day. “Josh. There were beer bottles all over the place. He shouldn‟t be home though. Josh. „What was he doing home?‟ I asked myself. It felt good. and the smell of cigarettes was horrible.” I said to him as I walked over to him.” Josh said as he slowly followed me into the kitchen. but I had no idea how. like some how he was going to fix it all. I wondered how many he had before he came up to me last night. and if I don‟t do it well enough or if I say a comment out of line or anything. “Well there is quite a lot you don‟t understand Josh… I don‟t know how to tell you. I had no idea that it was like this. I didn‟t stop it. I might be ok. “Where ever you want to go. What exactly do you mean? He asked. The smell hit me.” I said. first time anyone had been over since mum died. it felt right. not yet. This is what Britney and I live in. but I have to do everything. there was no point. “I promise. I hoped this wouldn‟t ruin our friendship. and on top of homework. I felt him slide his hand into mine. I took a deep breath. This was the first time I had had anyone over. “I like that idea. he would be out getting pissed. so I must have been lucky and just missed him. this is my house. “Just look. His car wasn‟t here.
and the ripped. like I was hit for Brit wanting to die her hair . He hated her. I need you to understand. I am afraid he is going to kill me. Josh put a finger up and wiped away a tear. “I am asking you a really big favour Josh. “Ok you want to know what you can do… um… here it is... and Brit is forever being left to help me clean up the mess.. he hurts me. “Whoa. to wake me up. he hit her and broke a beer bottle and smashed it over her. bloody ones were there as well. I have been getting all sort of shit from my father. sorry. stains from food and beer all over it. It was a mess. I just hope you don‟t. to fast.. “My mum died back when in grade six. “That is the only remains of my mum.” I told him thickly through my tears. cigarette stains were all over the couch. “I think I love you. The tears were falling now. you can say know.” I said with a small laugh. “Its ok if you get upset. I stared over to the corner. “I know I love you. Ok. the reason you were hurting today.. but why would you die?” he asked “Josh I love you but sometimes you can be really thick. and saw the blood stain. I closed my eyes and hope for the best.“Linden I am so sorry. The floor had pieces of food dad hadn‟t wanted to eat the night before. thinking there is no-one there to look after her.. His seat was filthy. I don‟t want her to wake up and be unable to wake me. I was horrified as to what it might look like to an outsider. both physically and se…” I choked.. I went and sat down on my bed. I want you to be here. I couldn‟t go on. I took him into the lounge room and showed him where my father sat. It was disgusting. Josh saw me looking there. “Of course I can. “So what happened to…everywhere else? You know. Since then.. He assaults me. “But I want to. I would get beaten up for the smallest thing. “Shhh. where I had left them this morning.” josh said” you don‟t need to go on if you can‟t. to see me… in a state that she shouldn‟t have to see. if I die. I was still crying. Dad had everything of hers thrown out.” I replied. “Josh. can you take care of Brit?” I asked. “I didn‟t bring you here to ask for sympathy Josh… I brought you here as my very close friend. My father killed my mum. IfidiecanyoutakecareofBrit?” I asked. I will be here through it all. and pulled Josh along and he sat next to me. I took his hand in mine again and pulled him up the stairs. I took him into my room. Is it possible for you to fully explain what you mean?” Josh said. “Um sorry I didn‟t catch that at all…” Josh said. there was even a piece near the TV. Lin I am so sorry… is there anything I can do to help you?” he asked. I was actually embarrassed to say that this was the way my father was.” I said.” Josh whispered. it killed her almost instantly. They were fighting over something and it got out of control. Ash was all over the floor.” Josh said. My bed wasn‟t made and it had blood on it too. “well the events that dad does to me often knock me out. I have a favor to ask of you. and I couldn‟t stop them. every single night.” “I‟ll tell you later Josh.” “Ok…” I took a deep breath. The clothes from the night before were still on my floor. where he had spat it out. “I still don‟t get it.” I replied looking at him again. “What do you mean?” Josh asked. My father had killed her with his own hands.” I replied tears welling up in my eyes.” I replied to him. “What‟s that?” he asked.
“Let‟s go. what will I tell him? “Ok.” I said. I didn‟t want to face him. “The other night he said something to me that scared me. he will probably tell that there was someone else in the house. I hate it…” I broke off. I don‟t know what I do.” He said in a whisper. Without you in her life. as he would knock me out. “I don‟t know. “Stop. I hoped I would be ok tonight.” I said to him. to be with him. wrapping his arms around me. It felt so right. taking a deep breath. but it was almost time to pick Brit up from school.” He said in a low voice.” I replied. not that your father…” he broke off. He said that he prefers Brit because she doesn‟t move as much. He touches me in places I shouldn‟t be. “What for?” he asked. I hope he doesn‟t hurt me so much I can‟t move.” “No you don‟t get it.” I said. in hysterics now. I kissed him. my back was killing me. “Sorry. shhh. I‟m not sure if he does anything to me once I have been knocked out.” “What do you mean?” he asked. but I am worried he does.” He said. . you‟re her sister. and helped me up. hey. but it depends on tonight. shaking his head… “She might talk to you later… I‟m mean. Now it‟s like something is stopping her from talking to me. And now she isn‟t talking to me and I don‟t know what to do. “Hey. and you‟re like her mum. I can‟t stop him. rubbing his hand up and down my shoulder.” We got to my sisters school and I stood on my tippy toes and gave him a kiss. If he did that. and every single time. “What do you mean?” I asked “What are WE going to do?” He said. We were silent. We were kissing passionately. but I am so afraid. “I‟m sore. Most of the time Brit would have to wake me up the next morning. “I think I get it now. “I had no idea that it was like that. “we have to go.” “Oh…” he said. I need to get Brit. I felt sorry for him. He has done many things to me that I hate to admit. I just thought that some bullies were picking on you or something. He got off the bed and grabbed my hands. “You said it wrong.. about anything. and he kissed me back. never wanting to see or speak to me again. I whimpered. He kept his hand in mine and we walked down the stairs together. I will miss him. It was so hard re-telling someone about this. the tears streaming down my face. like he has threatened her with something to stop her from telling me.” I pulled away from him.. “What am I going to do?” I asked him. I was so afraid he was going to run out of the room. Suddenly I was scared. it was the greatest feeling in the world. I‟m sorry. She will have to talk to you some time. um will you come to school tomorrow?” he asked. sorry that he didn‟t know if I was going to survive the night. it‟s ok.” I said. Normally nothing will stop her from talking to me. I thought he was so cute. it would be a wreak. he looked upset. so did I. “It‟s all good. He wanted to keep going. I just seem to make it worse.” I said. but nothing I say ever fixes it. most likely will be. he seemed… I don‟t know the worlds to explain it. I‟m worried he has gone that one step further with her. “right. “For leaving you.black. I don‟t know what he has done. I felt his hand drop down to my waist and I sat there running my hands over his chest.” Josh said. I thought we were going to go too far.
I felt sorry for her. you are bound to notice when it happens to someone else. this is what I couldn‟t tell you.“Cya” he said and walked off as Brits bell went. “He has done it to me. I put all the rubbish in the bin and grabbed the vacuum from the cupboard under the stairs and pulled the cord out and plugged it into the wall. I only realized I was crying when Brit said “This. “He said he would kill me Lin. I checked the list. I turned around and got the fright of my life. and now you know. We got home and I unlocked the door. her arms wrapped around her waist. It completely took over my mind. It looked like he hadn‟t stopped since she had gotten home. my little baby sister. “Brit. We walked in and she quickly limped upstairs. “Hey. She was limping. “Let‟s go home. but I was thinking today. There wasn‟t much to do. I was scared. almost five years. covered with a too small singlet top. the smell was so strong. I might have been able to get some of the jobs done rather than spending so much time in my room. red from crying. whereas yesterday. I gasped at what I saw. I saw Brit come out behind a group of people.” She . It was so horrible. she was dawdling. thinking about what to do next. She slowly undid the cord that held her destroyed robe together. something I should have done when Josh was still here. half an hour ago. I went and sat in the kitchen. I went and cleaned around dad‟s chair. I knew that the marks were made by rope. He had beaten her and I had no idea he had done it. but she failed. “I…can‟t” she said. she stopped the limp and walked as normally as she could. there was a big black bruise across one side of her face. for both being unable to tell me and for having it happen to her. I nearly screamed with rage and horror. revealing her top half. The bruises around her upper inner thighs near made me vomit.” I said “Hey…” Brit replied “You gonna tell me what‟s wrong yet?” I asked hopefully. bruises on her chest and arms and cuts all over. I don‟t want to leave you. I heard her bag get thrown to the floor and her door slam. bags under her eyes. I made a mental note to do the washing too. I didn‟t understand how dad could sit in the same spot. I could faintly hear her door being locked. My baby sister. I waited patiently for her to come out of school. Being hit for four. the deep purple was the only thing I could see. what‟s wrong” She just stood there.” We started off home and she tried to get rid of her limp. it was almost like new. I was horrified. She dropped the robe completely at this point. “Why couldn‟t you tell me this morning?” I whispered. around her wrists and ankles were bruises. But I was guaranteeing to myself that I would get it out of her by the time I put her to bed tonight. sadly. She really didn‟t want to be disturbed. and nothing anyone says can change that… nothing” “Oh my god…” was all I could say. and her face was scary. just clean the house a bit. it was torn and frayed. I needed more pajamas. and from experience. this is something you need to know. I felt like I was going to throw up. my dad had gotten into bed with my sister. but as soon as she saw me. tears were streaming down her face. and she looked like she was in pain. night after night and let it get so bad and disgusting. “O…k” I sighed. Brit was standing there in her favorite bathrobe. neither of us can take it back” “I don‟t u-understand” I said through my tears. Lin… he has done it to you. The make-up she was wearing this morning was gone.
you don‟t have to explain it in detail. His fists come in contact with my door. I don‟t know what was going through his head..” I told her. “It‟s ok Brit. I fell into a chair. All the times I had taken him hitting me so that he wouldn‟t hit Brit were for nothing. “Tell me” I said “tell me everything that happened last night. “Come over her. I locked it before he came though. Pulling out a chair and sitting down. and cried. slamming my fist on the table. princess. “„She ain‟t coming for you. I tried to push him of me. like she was going to fall down if she didn‟t hold on to it. She was crying. I had to sit down. slamming his fist into the door. “Tell me!” I cried. he was coming for me. I just sat there and took it. I heard him come out of your room and stumble down the hall. I didn‟t mean that. I thought he had killed you. I was worried. I crawled over to him. He slammed the door open and walked in. “Sorry… I am so sorry. I closed my eyes as I put my feet over the edge of the bed and hung them down in front of dad. she looked like she wanted to just keep talking. “Ok. I didn‟t say anything. and her eyes were closed.” she replied. Please tell me. I heard your screaming. almost as if he planned to do more with it. walking. closed the door and locked it behind him. so I got up. He slowly lifted his hands up my legs.. I was so scared. he got up to my thighs. and I will understand it.” he says to me. she is dead to the world. Play along with his little games to try and save myself. but I was afraid what he was going to do if I did. I couldn‟t take it anymore. She was holding onto the banister with all her might. It was…disgusting. but I was shit scared. “Fucking let me in!” he cried drunkly. there was no way I would be able to stop him from doing anything any way. In the end. I didn‟t know what to do. I couldn‟t stop myself. I looked into her blotchy face. I heard what happened to you last night. There was rope in his hands. He grabbed…” she broke off. I‟m here for you. well more like hopping down the stairs.” He said. I felt like I had betrayed mum by letting this happen to Brit. I was knocked out and he went in there and… “Only if you want me to. For some reason I still had my bathrobe on. pushing me back on my bed. you filthy bitch” he said. and underneath my robe. Lin. unlocked the door and ran back to my bed.” She said. I was so scared Lin. “No it‟s easier like this. but I could feel a piece of rope hanging down from each ankle. I had seen what he did to you when you told him no. were for nothing. it was almost like she was replaying it in her mind as she retold the story. I decided that I would go to him. I screamed out your name and again and again.” I couldn‟t stand not knowing what he had done to her. into her red eyes. I felt him tightly tie a rope around one of my ankles and then around the other.” I said now rather angry at myself. “And she isn‟t going to be able to do anything for you anyways. I had to continuously remind myself to breathe. All the times I had taken it without a sound. “Well.” When he said this. “Don‟t touch me. you don‟t understand how loud it is when I am in my room. I had no idea what to do. I heard Brit walking into the kitchen. I opened my eyes and oh my god his face… it was so scary. She put her hand on my shoulder. I felt useless. and his…noises after you were knocked out.replied. I heard him turn the door handle. But as his hands started to move further up my legs. I felt like I was going to faint. he honestly was enjoying himself. his taunting.” she said swallowing her tears. my beautiful princess. He came across to my bed and knelt down on his knees. He .
He grabbed my wrists and tired them to the bed head. “Look at me. till he hit me over the face with the back of his hand. He then tied the ends of the ropes from my ankles to the end of the bed. for the rest of the time last night. He crawled. “He had it in me for ages. being so…helpless. and it just kept going around in my head. in his eyes anyways. and that was all I could think about. I had heard of this happening to others at school.‟ I thought. He groaned. his hands up my shirt his thing… it was ghastly. Dad was naked. my princess. I tried to do anything to stop him. and took his place next to my bed. but it didn‟t stop me from screaming. it was a passionate loving kiss. He got up dragged me by my hair towards my bed head. but I never imagined that I would be on the receiving end. He broke the bottle and the glass went everywhere. I remembered mums story about how she died.removed a piece of fabric from somewhere and tied it around my mouth. and a sting. even as the tears rolled down her face. I was silent. Me. he told me “if you EVER tell anyone about this. He pulled himself out of me. She regained even breathing. I. She was embarrassed. I squirmed. I couldn‟t feel the glass slicing through my skin. up to my head. he didn‟t seem to care. and came back with a bottle. she looked exactly like the younger version of me. She continued to tell me. That was when I realized what he was going to do. and now he going to finish me off. I heard the unzipping of the fly on his pants. I couldn‟t help feeling horrible looking at her face and seeing the big bruise down the side of her face. I am so sorry I made you tell me. Please let me tell you. It was horrible. one ankle to each side. He kissed me. I then felt him softly hold my ankles. He put his hands inside the waist band of my pants and pulled them down. looking for the drawstring of my pants. you don‟t need to say anymore.” She looked down at the table. I kept going. will. “I‟m almost finished. “Shut up. He dropped the glass and climbed on to the bed. He walked over to his clothes and while he was putting the back on. I felt the tears role down my face. and grunted and I felt something slid inside me. He walked out of the room. I couldn‟t feel the blood pulsing out of the open wounds. just distract him for a little bit. I screamed. He put his hands under my top and felt what was under there. but he was so happy. him having all this…fun. „He killed Lin. but he was still going through with it. I was amazed he was still going. his hands were cold.” I told her in between my sobs. I prepared myself for the worst. at least it seemed like it. I heard him take off something else. he forced his .” He said gruffly. I could just imagine his face. “Brit its ok. his thing still in me. I closed my eyes. I twisted and turned. slowly moving his hands up the inside of my legs. and made them focus. I need you to know” she told me. but it didn‟t work. I cried out. Not like a normal father and daughter kiss. And I heard him struggle as he tried to take them off. Kill. her eyes looking in to mine. I thought it was horrible. He got what he wanted out of that though. He got to my… and then ran his hands along my hips. and I couldn‟t have wanted time to go faster. “That shut you up didn‟t it?” He said to me.” He said to me. At this point I could have sworn he was sobering up a little. I opened one eye at a time. I cried out again. He started to attack me with the broken bottle. taking the rope with him. You!” he came over and untied my ankles. The only thing that told me that I should be in pain was when I saw the blood. He untied the cord on my robe and took that off too. He grunted and I heard the pants hit the floor near the door. He found it and undid it.
I could hear him laugh as I heard another sickening crunch as he broke my other leg.tongue inside my mouth. I had no idea which direction would take me back to my sister. I felt something come in contact with the side of my head. and I didn‟t know what else I was supposed to do…” Britney squeaked. and started to crawl around blindly on the floor. “I mean it! You tell ANYONE and I manly mean your bitch of a sister. I felt my leg break in two. really worried. I heard him laugh. broken and twisted. I nearly hurled. no one for me to care about. wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. I was really.” He said. “Dad I‟m sorry. hysterically. then maybe Brit could escape. I had already made the mistake of turning away from my father though. I muttered as the blackness finally meet me. it was excruciating. He took his mouth off mine. I started two feel dizzy. But if he killed her. pulling myself along the floor with my hands. but I was going to get through this. The only thing going threw my mind was „please don‟t be dead. I didn‟t know what to do. I stood up. There was no sound coming from Brits room. It wasn‟t like there was anything I could do though. I screamed. “Linden Karley. I saw blood and suddenly remembered what had happened. I was still in the kitchen. At her door. but I had a feeling. I fell to the floor. I will always love you. Dad had walked through the door. “I HATE YOU!” I cried.” I had tears pouring down my face. she was terrified. If I could keep his attention on me for long enough. especially as I had a gut feeling that when dad had said he would kill her if she told anyone. My legs were painful. not sure what else I could say…” “YOU BITCH” I heard a drunken cry. and they were apologetic. I fell forward onto my stomach. I saw my legs. alongside your sister. the broken bone could be seen from under the skin. I had no idea what the time was. He untied my wrists. in promise. baby sister. like she was saying sorry. please don‟t be dead‟. and took the rope again. then there would be no-one for me to look after. “We will see each other again Brit. I will kill you. I hadn‟t heard the car come up the drive way and the door open. get up there to save my little sister. Got it?” I nodded my head. I screamed as I heard a bang upstairs. Get out of the way or you will die. and you fucking attacked her. When I woke up it was dark. I am going to give you one chance. even though I went as fast as I could. in the most painful way I can. “Brit is only a kid. and was running his hands threw my hair. I heard footsteps coming towards me and suddenly I heard a sickening crunch. I couldn‟t just stand by and watch him kill my innocent. it was horrible. I don‟t know how long it took. I was so engrossed in the story. and I would not do it again. I was in pain. but it will be horrible. I was too late. my knees were the most painful and there was nothing I could do about it. I could hardly remember what had happened. I turned around and leaned against it. Brit was screaming. and don‟t kill her. I felt myself come over to a wall. Kill me. I was too. I looked back at Britney‟s terrified face. I got up and stood in between my sister and my father. I got to the stairs and got my self on the first step. she looked in to my eyes. I didn‟t know which way was up. I had done it before. and I no longer heard anything. I had to get up there. then he meant it. or my dad stumbling in to the house. He got a kick out of it. Linden needed to know. I will make you wish you were never born. I open the door and saw my .
her blood ran through his body. . I missed Brit already. It was everywhere. I don‟t know how long I was there for. I did three more times. see them on Brits. I opened them up and put the inside of the scissors onto my arm at the wrist. I crawled over to Brit school bag and grabbed her pencil case. but as it began to get light. losing track of time. And my dads‟ hands were around Brits throat. I slowly crawled over to Brits dead body. The blood. The blood felt good as it expelled from my arm. even though there was no breath escaping her lips. I had to do something. I knew I was losing too much blood. the blood. saw her breathless. “GET AWAY FROM HER!” I screamed. and hopped into her bed next to her. I knew there would be scissors in there. I started to feel dizzy. removed his hands from my sisters‟ throat and got up. I am alone.sisters‟ body. He turned around. He just walked out of the room. A thought flicked in my brain. I thought he was coming for me. and now there was no-one to save from my father. I pushed them in and drew a long line from my wrist through to the elbow. His eyes were unfocused.” I said to her as I dropped the scissors onto the floor and took my last shuddering breath. I closed my eyes and put the scissors to my throat. The bright red looked good. I had the scissors open in my hand. I love you and I always will. dead. I dropped to my knees and crawled over to my sisters body. in a way that was terrifying. I could feel the tears on my face. I put my head in my arms and cried. all alone. drawing a line across the middle of my neck “I‟m sorry Brit. I had no point in living. and he killed her. four on each arm. oh my god. thanks to my own fathers hands. “LEAVE HER ALONE!” oh my poor baby sister.
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