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Session 8

IN-LAWS: Ensure In-laws Don’t Become Out-laws

What comes to mind when you hear the word “in-laws”? Discover how in-
laws become assets or liabilities when Biblical boundaries are either observed or

-In-laws or out-laws? In-laws can become out-laws when there is intrusion

and involvement in our marriage that breaks Biblical boundaries. (1) Be little the
spouse (2) invitation for holidays (3) asking help only from your spouse without
you knowing it.

-In-laws as issue for conflict, suppression, avoidance and frustration.

-How do you deal with the persons in the life of the person you marry?

What are the key instructions regarding marriage given in Genesis 2:24?
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh.”

Leave (physically, emotionally) and cleave.

When you marry, parent will say “leave home” and cleave to your spouse.

In what Scripture passages is the child’s responsibility to his or her parents


Exodus 20:21: Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in
the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Deuteronomy 5:16: Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God
has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you
in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Leviticus 19: 32: Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly
and revere your God. I am the Lord.

Leviticus 20:9: If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death.
He has cursed his father and mother, and his blood will be on his own head.

Hebrews 12:9: Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us
and we respected them for it.

From these verses, how are children to respond to their parents?

Leave and cleave

Honor and respect

Why should we honor our parents? Notice that the Bible does not say that when
we earn or they earn our respect then we give it to them. We respect because
God is saying it. It is a command whether or not non-believer or failed you.

How do children and parents related in the various seasons of marriage?

Stage one: BEFORE MARRIAGE (Home) obedience. Child is dependent to his

or her parents. You are under their authority or control. “O obey.”

Stage two: EARLY MARRIAGE independence. You are leaving home and
become to in control of your family. You are a leader. You are alone. “I left

Stage three: MIDDLE MARRIAGE interdependence. You are moving into

building your own family or a house. Both spouses experience to be in control of
their lives from their own parents. Together we leave and together we cleave.

Stage four: OLDER MARRIAGE dependence on children. The cycle will go

back to dependence but to your children because of age. When parents visits
you, you are the leader.

What are the five primary issues that must be dealt with in order for in-laws
not become “out-laws”?


-Children see you as a person not as a parent even though there is an

Reality check: (1) Wounded by parents. (2) Unforgiveness


-Dying for your spouse or parent.

-Loyalty have to be changed. Loyalty to parents did not change but you
become more loyal to your spouse.
-Never side your parents.
-“I’m going home” is wrong. You are already homed with your spouse.


-Who is the boss?

-Home of parents-authority to parents
-You own home-authority to you and your spouse.
-In marriage, authority is changed.
-What’s your role when you are in your parents’ house?
-It depends where you are!


-Who or what is more important?

-In-laws ask for visit or holiday or assistance.
-Set your priority
-In-laws do not have the authority over you they can only ask.


-Valuing the older generations and the upcoming generations than criticize.
-Honoring must go on and be valued. Set a model to your children so that
they can also do it to others.
-Doing into others what you want others to do unto you.

The issue of marriage is to separate from your parents and become