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Session 9

SEX: Satisfy Your Spouse’s Sexual Needs

Sex within its intended domain of marriage is a special gift from God. But
even within marriage sex can fail to satisfy if it has lost its passion, its affection,
and its pleasure. Restore all three in your own marriage.

-Sex is the most difficult to discuss in groups and in seminars.

-In marriage, it is an issue.
-Is sex sinful? Is it something you do because you are human? Is sex
God’s will? Is sex something that a couple must enjoy? Is sex something to give
when you are tired? Or is it something that must be work-out in marriage?
-People have different responses: ignore, uncomfortable, stone faced, or
with negative reactions.
-Can you allow me to discuss something that is private and sensitive?

Is sex sinful?

What are some key passages that present God’s view of sex in marriage?

• Genesis 1:28: “Be fruitful and multiply”

-Be fruitful and multiply involves sex.
-Sex is God’s idea not Adam and Eve’s.
-Notice that in the creation God says to His creations that it is good. Sex
is good.
-Be fruitful and multiply is given before the fall. Does man became sexual
before the fall? Sex predated before the fall. Sex is God’s idea before the

• Genesis 2:24-25: “United and become one flesh”

-One flesh means sex.
-Notice that the desire of God is for the man and woman to leave, to
cleave and to be united and become one flesh. United and one flesh
means at home and sex. The point is God commands the man and the
woman sex.
-One flesh in NT means having sex not just in the home.
-Notice verse 25: “Not ashamed” is not shameful in sex. They were both
naked and were not ashamed. Sex is not a shameful experience. Sex is
not something to be hidden or shameful.

• Hebrews 13:4: Marriage is sacred and honorable

-Notice: The verse did not use sexual intercourse but bed undefiled. That
is pure. Sex in marriage is pure not dirty thing.

-Marriage is sacred and honorable. Sex is good but not good when there
is fornication (sex before marriage) and adultery (sex during marriage with
another person).
-Is sex sinful? It depends!

Is sex only for child bearing?

-“If it is for child bearing then, I’ll have more sex.” But the Bible doesn’t
use sex with child bearing thing but for the purpose of pleasure for spouses.

• Proverbs 5:18-19.
-Enraptured means intoxicated or drank with your spouse. It an
experience of wonderful time, all the time.
-What is the book in the Bible that talks about sex?
-Song of Solomon. Hebrews culture, Jewish rabbi allows a man or a
woman to read it not until they reach 30. Why because it is sexual.
-Read Song of Solomon 2:1-6.
-Sex is tender, romantic, compassionate

What is God’s perfect will with sex in marriage? How do you glorify God
with sex? What is the will of God in sex? How should my wife respond
when I ask about it? How should I think as a man with the issue of sex?
How should I think as a woman with the issue of sex?

How does 1Corinthians 7:2-5 instruct husbands and wives about satisfying
one’s spouse sexually?

• 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. Paul presents principles about the role of husband

and wife for the sexual need of the spouse.

Principle #1: Sexual needs are to be met within your marriage.

• Verse 2: The problem of temptation.
-How not to become sexually immoral? What is God’s primary solution to
sexual immorality? Couples are always tempted of their sexual drive.
Sexual drives ought to be met by your spouse.

Principle #2: God commands you to fulfill your spouse’s sexual needs.
• Verse 3: “Let the husband render.” God commands us to render our
bodies to our spouse. “Render” means “to give/pay back.” A debt to pay.
-The word is imperative. It refers to the time when give your “I do.” The
exchange of “I dos” means that “I have a debt to my spouse and I will pay it.
-How do you that your spouse paid you? You ask your spouse.
-Sex is not an option it is an obligation.

How should I feel about sex?

Principle #3: Fulfill your spouse’s sexual needs tenderly and affectionately.
• Verse 3b: Affection means loyalty, tender, careful. It means that I am
commanded to meet my spouse’ sexual need by being affectionate. Not
because I need it or he/she asked about it. I have to do it with tenderness
and affection.

Principle #4: God delegates authority over your body to your spouse.
• Verse 4: Authority=God took away the right to your body and give it to the
spouse. God literally came and took the authority of your body and give it
to your spouse. Why? To meet sexual drive.
-What is I’m tired? Pleasure!
-What is he/she wants more and more? Issue!

Principle #5: Abstaining from sex is permissible only if both spouses

-Where can we say no if sex is asked?
• Verse 5: Consent means symphony, complete unanimous agreement.
-Deprive means to default or to steal. We are not to deprive our spouses
of the need for sex.

Principle #6: Restore sexual relations with your spouse after the agreed
time apart.
• Read verse 5:

Principle #7: God warns of satanic sexual temptation if sex is denied.

-When sexual drives irritates Satan comes.
-To guard against immorality is to have sex in marriage.

What should I do about my sex drive?

What should a person do to “possess his own vessel in sanctification and

honor” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8)?

The passage talks about responsibility:

1. Never have sex outside of marriage. (v3)

-Will of God is sanctification and the answer to the problem of immorality
is to abstain from sex outside marriage.

2. Always abstain from yielding to immoral temptation. (v.3)

-Abstain means (Middle voice) to hold yourself back from sexual
temptation. Hold it!

3. Learn how to handle your own sex drive. (v.4)

-Know means to perceive. Ask the question, are you weak? When is sex
important to you?

4. Tell your spouse how your sexual drives can be fulfilled.

-Posses refers to how do you fulfill it. It is your responsibility to tell your
spouse how to be fulfilled.
-Sometimes we think that this is automatic. Our partner knows it.
-What’s your method? (Illustration: candles at home, good food.)

-How much does your spouse meets your sexual needs? Fulfilled!
-Man’s need is contentment, happy and loved. Is your husband loved?
-Woman’s need is affection and intimacy. Is your wife loved?