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Marriage and Parenthood .
— — JOSEPH 9 F. Idleness. Net 60 C<ints (By Mail.A YOUNG WOMAN'S PROBLEMS Counsels to Young Girls on the Threshold of Life By the Rev. P. NEW YORK . WORLDLY WISDOM FOR THE CATHOLIC YOUTH Counsels for Young Men on Rule of Life a Christian By MENTOR Handsome Paper Cover. Postpaid. A Good Name. Temperance in all Things. Faith. "The Christian Youth. 40 Cents) On the Threshold of Life. Postpaid. pose Choosing a Life Work. the Foundation of The Chief Aims of Youth. Companions. coming from the pen of a mastergiiide. HALPIN Handsomely Bound iv Cloth. Health Its Value. A. Self-Control. Popular Amusements. will be warmly welcomed by young women and all those who realize the important part which woman fills in the uplifting of the race and in the development of Christian civilization. 70 Cents) These suggestions. Industry vs. WAGNER PUBLISHER BARCLAY STREET. A Pura Moral Life. the Future Head of the Christian Family. Net 35 Cents (By Mail.
THOMAS J. JOSEPH F." "THE WAYFARER'S VISION. WAGNER NEW YORK .MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD €i^e Catl^oUc 3Deat BY THE REV. GERRARD AUTHOR OF "CORDS OF ADAM." ETC.
S. by JoszrH F. Cinsor imfximnim *JOHN M. h.^^oy7 Copjright.D. FARLEY. Wachu. 191 1. New York THE UNIVEMITY PRESS.REMIGIUS LAFORT.A. Jamitaiit 19. . 191 /j(^. Archbishop of Nttu York Niw Youc. T. CAMBRIDGE. D.S. U.
. The Blessings of Many Children X. VI... i Institution and Puepose 7 II.CONTENTS Page Introduction Chapter I. Choice of a State Choice of a IV. The Catholic Family 168 . Mixed Marriages Between Husband and Wife Conjugal Restraint . Mate 43 58 V.. VIII.. The Sanctity of Marriage . 18 31 III. Sexual Instruction for the XII. . Between Parents and Children XI. . .. Young 139 152 Catholic Education Xin. 69 82 95 107 121 Before and After Childbirth IX. VII...
medical BEG to express to the large number of men. because I judgment against it. and parents who make have so kindly favored special valuable criticisms sire to me with most and suggestions. however.B. equally grave authorities. Sts. have decided to omit as pertaining rather to anof the my own I other book which I have in preparation on the attitude Church towards the Eugenic movement. And I demention of Surgeon-General as President of the Guild of Maunsell. and Damian.. but because it appears to me to be outweighed by a consensus of Some few ideas. . Here and set there I have been unable to follow even a very weighty authority. C. has been able to secure for me such a wealth of expert opinion. Cosmas.NOTE I iTO REVISED EDITION my grateful acknowledgments clergy. not. too. who Luke. The Author.
the falling off in the birthrate. On every side we see influences at work which tend to break up the family and consequently to break up society. even though But at the end of the journey he break his neck. these are paltry trifles compared with the work of training a soul for the kingdom of God. he Is very clever if he can make an Thousands of other men think he is a genius if he can fly over the Alps. — these . The salvation of increase of divorce. the spread of the white slave traffic.Marriage and Parenthood Cl^e €ati)olic 9lDeal INTRODUCTION A MAN thinks aeroplane. Such a task needs the genius of the Catholic Church. The ideal which she holds before the world and the power which she gives for the realizing of such ideal stand out as the chief hope for the modern society. Amongst her many the least important is helps for this purpose not the Sacrament of marriage.
Speaking as he did in favor of divorce. in the evidence before the Divorce Commission." Another witness. That there all is is something wrong admitted on hands. and to the respect which is inculcated amongst Roman Catholics for the marriage vow. the Catha lack of the knowledge of foundation principles. He said he had questioned countless poor . the value of the Cath- olic ideal asserts itself. ting in The Divorce Commission at present sitLondon is an evidence of such unrest. and I attribute that fact to the great influence of their priesthood. however. of Liverpool. bore magnificent testimony to the fidelity of the Catholic poor. for instance.2 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD more obvious symptoms which is are a few of the follow upon a low ideal of the marriage bond. Dr. The is formation of the Eugenics Education Society another. however. Thus. said: " My experience shows me that members of the Roman Catholic Church seldom come to our court. as proved by the attempts to mend matters. there was a double weight in his words. Most of the remedies pro- posed are a tinkering with the symptom rather than a treatment of the root cause. Glynn Whittle. Here and there. Sir John Bigham. then President of the Divorce Court. olic student detects In these movements.
then. less. that It is essentially a secular matter. Protestantism in will have none of in The Reformation. as we have seen. Writing in a London journal^ he says: " Marriage. we have riage Is to thank the system which for three hun- dred years has proclaimed the denial that mara Sacrament. The preaching and the its practice of the sacramental Ideal with all is Implications 1 to be the leaven of the whole Daily Dispatch. . term is meaningit. n. Protestants said "Yes". The answers had been most impressive. . this as other points a revolt from Catholicism. Only in Catholicism is it a Sacra- ment. is But. 191a . What amongst the cause of this grand steadfastness amongst Catholics and of weak changeableness their Protestant neighbors? A of the Council of the Eugenics Society member shall make answer. victims of habitual cruelty.INTRODUCTION 3 women. like other natural and necessary relations. the leaven of truth still working. expressly declared that Is marriage not a Sacrament. in scientific sociology the . Roman Catholics said " No." For the present disastrous state of affairs. is sacred." is He could not recall a single Protes- tant exception. Nov. as to whether they would avail themselves of divorce if they could get it.
Some people require more. The so natural to far. in the face of hoped that a re-statement of the Cathmodern ideals to the life. It is also olic ideal. aim of the following pages.ied too trine has been able to and false docmake headway simply beit. What has been retained has been retained by advice of authority much more competent than myself. relationships. science. contrary. and the most sacred marriage protective modesty. will tend to increase the happiness of Catholic family the We all cannot shut our eyes to cases they are due cither its many failures.4 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD To promote and foster this ideal is the mass. I acknowledge that I have found the greatest difficulty In deciding what must be left out of this book. They may be their traced largely to the fact that false views of marriage and parenthood make way into Catholic homes. If knowledge in these matters is needful then that trust to knowledge must be acquired and we must . In to ignorance of the ideal or to a refusal of graces. the most delicate. do These views concern the most intimate. cause the true was not present to resist Now reticence in these matters is a very strong is protection against temptation. But there some knowledge which we must have. others can do with less. a good con- has been can.
When under her direction the larger vision has been gained. Marsh. what he loses in life a portion of he gains in the whole of life. may seem is harsh and unkind to the let it At the same time be remembered nature and that the Church an expert in human that by her divine guidance she can see further than the individual. then doom I is sealed. — that is A nation's decadence much In the actual lowering of its ideal. he gains as a member of a world-wide society. B. after What a man loses as an individual. when through to be right painful experience the lesson has been learnt. The Church guards a why she is always right. as in the lowering of ideal there Is If preserves its But if it calls hope of resurrecgood bad and bad good. have to acknowledge my Indebtedness to Dr. Gideon W. consists not so divine ideal. Its its it moral tion. through keeping the Church's laws. its life." Let it be admitted at once that isolated points of this doctrine individual. yea a thousandfold In the life eternal. Fellow of the Royal So- .INTRODUCTION grace to keep us from abusing it. 5 No less an said: authority than St. then will Mother Church be discovered all. Clement of Alexandria has " Be not ashamed to know what God was not ashamed to make.
to Catholic principles.6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD and Vice-President of the Guild Sts. tion to the reader's Thomas New Hall. and Damian. for valuable suggestions regarding the medical side of the suball topics that do not These must be sought elsewhere. Fetist of the Nativity. I have tried to avoid involve moral principles. most excellent from the medical and nursing point of view. they must be read with cau- and duly corrected according knowledge of the Catholic ideal. Unfortunately many books. here and there. ciety of Medicine. 1910. If they are to be used with- out harm. Cosmas. Chelmsfokd. J. contrary ject. Gerrard. therefore. . contain directions. of Luke.
The movement in affairs affects all spheres It makes most noise the sphere of politics. it is to the family that of the disturbance. of life. The protective love of the into a husband toward the wife has been changed tyrannical overlordship. But as the of the State have their root in the affairs of the family. The fact indeed that in many quarters the Cath- olic ideal of the great Sacrament of matrimony has become obscured. and consequently .CHAPTER I INSTITUTION AND PURPOSE One of the most remarkable phenomena of the social life of the new century is the movement among womankind tions for a readjustment of the rela- between man and woman. in that protection The loving acquiescence on the part of the wife has been construed into a servile obedience. thing we must look for the cause There would seem to be somethe current ideas con- wrong with many of is cerning the relationship between husband and wife. The outrage on both nature and grace has rendered the mutual Life irksome beyond endurance.
So God said: " It is not good for man to be alone let us make him a help like unto himself. : mental. capable of giv- ing a reasonable service. But even with all the delights of that paradise of pleasure.8 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD have become prevalent which bond. after of the sea. After separating the night from the day. with all his unimpaired intelligence and power of ordaining things for God's glory. making the fishes the fowls of the air. There were parts in God's great design which man by himself could not accomplish. the earth. and moral complements. and against the indissolubility of its Let us see then what the Church has to say about this won- drous mystery. although supremely happy the company of His had willed to exercise His love outside Himself. and the land from the water. man by himself was not enough for God's purpose. God." So God cast Adam . He was wanting in both physical. tell ideas both against the sanctity of the marriage state. and the cattle of to rule over the earth. The in the very institution of marriage has its reason weakness and insufficiency in of man. He had willed to produce own blessed Trinity. He made man He made man a reasonable being. a created world in which there should be one class of creatures bearing His own likeness.
had also in His mind His own Incarnation and His Church." and Eve and their union in the matrimonial bond had. fill the earth and sub- due it. emptying Himself of Himself so that He might take upon Himof His Church. and God as to the end had been arranged. and they shall be two in one flesh. when He created them.INSTITUTION which AND PURPOSE from his side 9 into a deep sleep. then did Adam say: " This now is bone of my bones. Wherefore a man shall leave father the and mother. and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. might accomplish the strong victory over sin and . and shall cleave to his wife. took a rib from He built a woman. self the form of a servant and. a very much wider significance than the mere multiof plication of The formation Adam of the earth. they then received the message of for which all these things " Increase and multiply. so the Son of God became weak. The institution of matrimony was to be a kind of human prophecy of His Incarnation and a figure that As Adam was made weak so Eve might be given to him to be his strength. And when God brought woman to the man. however. clothed in flesh." Having been thus made for each other and united to each other. beings and the replenishment God.
therefore. And and find the we would probe further into the mystery common source of these properties of . and became for Him His chosen spouse. then its chief end is the population of heaven with immoralso of training tal souls. is end of matrimony and noble. If. but them in the higher life of grace and thus preparing them for the still higher life of glory.10 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD As Eve was taken from the side of death. the means ordained for the accomplishment of that end must be proportionately high and noble. its unity and if its indissolubility. Adam as he slept. then. therefore. up in These may be summed the two properties of marriage. as reflected in the mysteries of the Incarnation and the Church seen to have the high function not only of pro- creating human beings to replenish the earth. The end of the Church is merely the salvation of souls. that the chief so high has provided such means. and became the mother of all living. the Mother of all those to whom He had come to give life. as The is state of marriage. so was the Church taken from the side of Christ He slept upon the Cross. And so we find that nature Seeing. matrimony is a figure of the Incarnation and the Church. Christ came into the world solely to save sinners.
INSTITUTION marriage of the AND PURPOSE in that all-attractive ii we discern it beauty state. without Manifestly. led to hardness of heart. All this points to the fact that the marriage is bond law of nature. conjugal love. without the perpetuity. however. that they should love each made man and woman centrate it other. The mere procreation of children could not possibly be the end of matri- mony. even as now. this could be done without the bond. without the unity. then. not matrimony was the welfare of the but its all its merely the existence of the offspring. Its natural perfection. It is a mutual agreement by man and a woman give themselves to each other until death. Impurity then. the chief reason for the institution of offspring. the promotion of Therefore it was that God so interests. and this chiefly for the sake of the highest Interest of the children which shall be a which a born to them. Consequently Moses allowed this. growth and development. knowing brought it as an objection to Our Lord's . divorce. that they should make so strong and lasting that only death should be able to bring about a breach of the union. for the love. that they should foster that love and conall on each other by excluding other it love of the same kind. in course of time became corrupted. The Pharisees.
He who made man from the beginmade them male and female? And He said: cause shall For this a man leave father and mother. Through the union of the Godhead and the Manhood.12 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Our Lord. " from the beginning In this. and shall cleave to his wife. Through the union of Christ with the Church. was able to quote " Have ye teaching. Thus became a more perfect figure of the Incarnation and the Church. Christ it to the dignity of a Sacrament. as in was not so. an earlier and more fundamental law. there is in the conferred . Forbidding divorce and insisting on the essential unity and indissolubility of the marriage raised it tie. He desired to provide a remedy for all this irregular life by raising the natural state of marriage to a supernatural plane." Our Lord it re- minded them. Christ in His human nature was filled with all grace and knowledge compatible with His created nature. not read that ning. So likewise through the union of man and woman Sacrament of matrimony. and they shall be two in one flesh. the Church sanctified as is His one perfect and unspotted bride." many other matters." Moses had taken into con- sideration the hardness of their hearts sake of preventing greater evils to put and for the had permitted them away their wives. God had a greater design in view. however. " But.
" says carry out the arduous duties of that state. a mys- tical s3mibol of the union between Christ and His Church. therefore. we are able to gather that marriage the word.. them to " Hus- for it. . bond between Christ and His must be the means by which graces like the . the salvation of the Church riage all the souls for whom was is instituted. Paul. that He might sanctify laver of water in and delivered Himself up it. St.. He means merely that it is a great sign of something sacred. This a great Sacrament." When St. is He that loveth his wife loveth himself. namely. ity Nevertheless. as Christ also loved the Church. but I speak in Christ and in the Church. all It consists further of a continual flow of those graces which are needful for attaining the Church's end. the mar- bond it Church. on account of the similar- of the marriage bond to the bond between Christ and His Church.INSTITUTION on them all AND PURPOSE 13 the graces needful to enable bands. cleansing it by the the word of life. So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. is a Sacrament in the strictest sense of The union between Christ and His Church consists of sanctifying grace. Paul speaks of marriage being a great in the strict Sacrament he does not use the word sense in which we use it now. If. " love your wives.
who confer on each other the fulfil Sacrament enabling them to the higher duties which are involved in the Christian married state. Our late Holy Father. therefore. It is the man and woman who hand death." From the fact that Christ raised the natural a Sacrament. God hath joined together let no man put asunder. It is the themselves over to each other making a mutual contract to live together till man and woman. the marriage bond signifies and confers the graces needful for the marriage state. it contract into follows that the parties to the contract are the ministers of the Sacrament. Sacrament of the new law is a sacred sign insti- tuted by Christ to signify and to confer grace. then it is one of the seven Sacraments of the new law. emphasized this when he insisted that the contract and the Sacrament were not two separate things. but only the witness of it. A If. " What. therefore. Pope Leo XIII. " cannot be approved of.14 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD sanctifying the marriage state are conferred. since It is " clear that in Christian matrimony the contract ." he said. or rather separation. therefore. The distinction. and if instituted by Christ. The priest is not the minister of the Sacrament. So it was then that Christ placed His divine seal on the natural contract and with His own lips proclaimed it henceforth to be a bond forged in heaven.
may be detached from the contract at the discretion of man. confers on the beauties which man those soul make him as a figure of Christ. who. con- and obligations of the Leo XIII. as well as well to keep this supernatural aspect of the case prominently before our minds sider the duties ' when we state. woman those the God's minister. Arcanum. . which make her figure of the Church. The . It Is the woman. therefore. Encyc. Christ For the Our Lord endowed matrimony with . relationships. the bride of Christ. and so likewise man who.INSTITUTION IS AND PURPOSE 15 not separable from the Sacrament. It Is to be the complement: of each other In their supernatural. the Sacrament Is the mutual contract. sacramental dignity but matrimony itself. and that nothing Is further from the truth than that the Sacrament is a sort of added riage Christians In itself among which ornament or quality Introduced from without. and conse- quently that a true and lawful contract cannot exist without being by that very fact a Sacrament. the is It bridegroom of the Church. is the contract provided that the contract Therefore. It Is Is rightly made. . HusIn. plain that every true maris and by Itself a Sacrament. as God's minister. confers on the a soul beauties. . band and wife are thus seen their natural." ^ If.
and to remain chaste at special times of prayer. remains with them in their fortifies when they leave home life. end for which marriage was instituted was a most difficult Indeed. the married face their difficulties with a Remembering couple good heart. and plain language what their duties duty is The first the bringing of children into the in the service of world and the educating of them God. The Church them. And finally in his exhortation he warns them to be faithful to each other. however. these helps. having all false made this clear to modesty and tells them are. . sets aside in grave then. companionship of domestic In the nuptial Mass the priest solemnly prays over them that they may be fruitful in their offspring and that they may see their children's children unto the third and fourth generation. in the the second duty is mutual love and service life. and steels them in their discouragements. it were an impos- sible task without the special divine helps provided.1 6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD end to attain. during the fasts and solemn seasons of the Church. The grace conferred on the wed- ding morning remains with them the church. The sacramental effect of matrimony does not spend itself out within a week or two of the nuptial may ceremony. their wills to the emergencies of every difficult situation.
with the latter lie all the cares of child-bearing." Those who enter this state. " thou hast not sinned. there has evidently been to the some is radical misunderstanding as end of the institution of marriage and of a its is burdens. should do so with their eyes wide open to the fact that It is a life fraught with difficulty to be and that both man and woman are supposed willing to bear grave inconveniences. What needed on those occasions is the consideration that marriage a Sacrament. St.INSTITUTION AND PURPOSE much trouble 17 Now With all this involves and anxiety both on the part of the husband and of the wife. the former lies the paramount obligation of working for the sustenance of the household. of divine refreshment for the constant renewal of conjugal life and love. thou take a wife. nevertheless. But if a virgin marry. When a in- man complains of his loss of liberty or the creased burden on his pocket. of divine light to see the way out of the difficulties. therefore. she hath not sinned. such shall have tribulation of the flesh." says Paul. — Sacrament which is a channel of divine strength to bear the burden. with both " But lies that anxiety for the temporal and spir- itual well-being of if each other and of the children. . or when a woman complains of the troubles of children.
and of bringing them to the final perfection spirit. is the bringing of their souls to perfection attended . God has endowed it with qualities which make it an apt it was instiThese qualities are revealed in the truth of Christ and the Church. having ordained for the high purpose of preparing souls for heaven. The bond of Christian marriage must likewise be one only and must last until broken by Unity and perpetuity are the qualities death. and it was to last until the end of time. which make the marriage state specially fitted for instrument for the purpose for which tuted. mind. it So in the case of marriage. Christ's Church was to be one only. is If the bringing of children into the world attended with great pain and labor. of nourishing them in body. for which man was created. the great object of bringing children into the world.CHAPTER II THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE It is part of God's providence that when He sets before us an end to be attained also with the He provides us means of attaining that end.
THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE with still 19 greater pain and labor. Let either partner give the other the for jealousy and there is slightest cause an end of that perfect is love and harmony is in the family which so needful for the well-being of the children. it cannot bear the prospect of of nature which coming to an end. wife. of the higher sanction and help is seen from the passing nature of the merely natural The mere physical pleasures pass away In the with their satisfaction. the love of husband. Now such is the nature of man and woman that they cannot love effectually with a divided love. The Sacrament of matrimony implies a special divine sanction to the laws of unity and perpetuity in the marriage bond. The need charms. Youthful ardor burns out life is before the mature part of reached. It brook no intrusion from without. ennobled. and made perfect by a law of grace. The archtype of perfect love the mutual love of the three Per- sons of the blessed Trinity. One is of the fairest the triple love created reflections of that love of family It will life. a law is accentuated. It requires noth- ing else than the united life and love of both parents. course of a life so intimate as that of husband . and child. This is a fundamental and universal law of nature.
in the unity It is found and perpetuity of the Sacrament.20 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD and wife many faults of character become exposed. Marriage certainly brings a revelation of many new beauties of character. but it also brings a revIt is elation of many faults of character. gray. The Church. cares for He them only on the supposition that they . The fading of bodily beauty also tends to weaken the natural bond. fraught with disappointments even as with agreeable surprises. has ever insisted on its unity and perpetuity. then indeed is there need of something more sustaining. the en- and the love needful to make the bond strong and lasting. something more lasting than the mere wrinkles . in spite of years. among the unmar- The father who has to provide for his dren must be certain that they are his own. It renews the youth of married life and makes it satisfying even ergy. the refreshment. therefore. the hair turns and the features when the general buoyancy and ardor of youth tones down into the prose of middle age. The Church regards the sin of adultery as something infinitely more chil- heinous than any sin possible ried. all The Sacrament imparts the courage. The Church claims to have the care of this Sacrament. tie of natural affection or natural contract. and the eye loses its fall into When luster.
either party a double violation of Among the Jews the penalty of adultery was death by stoning. we have the most stringent laws against adultery. God's law. 21 Any part of the woman on the must of necessity tend to break infidelity. husbands at the The possession of two same time is known as polyandry. and thus life. almost directly at the foundations of family A violation of the sanctity of marriage then is by violation of chastity. and against divorce. up these sacred family relationships. This it does by all the conditions and rules which it lays prevention of polygamy and divorce. . cannot love and care for children those of the possible A father who may be man who has done him the greatest injury.THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE are his offspring. a and a violation of justice. And if a woman gives unswervfidelity in return. down for the By polygtwo amy we usually understand the possession of wives at the same time. Hence. against polygamy. it ing fidelity to her husband she has a right to claim an equal Infidelity on the part of the man. The law of Christ makes the law of nature and the law of Moses more perfect. yet it strikes at the root of conjugal love. although does not act directly in rendering the offspring of the family uncertain. In the most savage races of the earth its punishment is immediate death. therefore.
My beloved to me and I to him ones. . polygamy among the Jews are frequently quoted by those who want an excuse for cases of The disregarding the laws of Christian marriage. And the permission was was mere toleration. the lamps thereof are fire and flames. I to my beloved and the anem- my beloved to me. the The most wondrous love song man was that inspired by the Holy tells song of songs. who feedeth among flee the lilies. away.. the love " One is my dove. a seal . . for love is strong as death. . At- tention must be paid to the circumstances of time and race. as upon thy arm. which of the love between one bridegroom and one bride.. ." the day break So the young Tobias till could say to his wife Sara: " For we are the chil- and we must not be joined together .22 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Both are equally condemned by the Christian law. . who feedest among Put mc as a seal upon thy heart. avoid greater evils. ever sung by Spirit. If polygamy was permitted then it for a special reason. jealousy as hard as hell. God did not cease to give signs to His people as to what was the great ideal. . and the shadows dren of saints. my which lasts till death. it The circumstances of the times required that should be permitted in order to Nevertheless. perfect one is but one.
THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE like 23 heathens that know not God. would be to consider the bond of love lasting right through death." In praying to God for a blessing on his marriage he referred its back to original conditions: "Thou madest Adam Eve of the slime of the earth. reason why the Church allows remarriage after the death of one of the partners Is because there are other ends of matri- mony besides mutual love." Thy And Sara let prayed with him: "Have mercy on in health. Lord. but also of two In one spirit. and to mark the distinction be- tween the more perfect state and the less perfect . and gavest him for a helper. thou knowest that not for fleshly lust do I take my sister to wife. in which name may be blessed forever and ever. yet she looks upon such remarriage as something less perfect. To give expression to her wish. although she insists that the marriage bond lasts only till death. there- fore. A marriage is not merely a union of two In one flesh. the Church. The more The perfect thing." us. although she allows remarriage after the death of one of the partners. Her ideal is that a marriage should be so distinctly one and perpetual as to exclude any other marriage even after the first has been dissolved by death. And now. however. but only for the love of posterity. and us grow old both together Further.
not even the Church.24 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Church does not give the nuptial blesscases where the bride is a widow if she has it state. therefore. It is husband and wife are allowed It is called in theological called In juridical language a judicial separation. language separatio a mensa et thoro. Her end is achieved by withholding the blessing only in the case of the marriage of widows. First. . This brings us to the all-important question of If both the natural and divine laws divorce. God hath joined together let no man put Here. the ing in received in a previous marriage. " What. Let us dis- tinguish then between three kinds of separation. has power to grant a divorce. there is a separation which implies that the to live apart." it is necessary to make a clear distinction of terms. on the threshold of the question asunder. When It Is said that no power on earth can grant a divorce. the in this case Church overlooks the defect in the bridegroom. then no power on earth. Having regard to the dignity of the bride. or separation from bed and board. as stated above. even though the bridegroom be a widower. She gives It where the bride is being married for the first time. maintain the unity and perpetuity of the marriage bond. divorce must be understood In a particular and strict sense of the word.
but can never thereby acquire the freedom to marry again. receive their just reward. The bond which has been made by God may not be broken by man. yet they are not free to marry again. for instance. / misconduct of one of the parties. as long as the contract remains it bond or However yet it is unfair it must bind both the parties. the contract is a two- sided one. Then is is there is another kind of separation which frequently believed to be a divorce and which a source of much perplexity to Catholics and of non-Catholics alike. It is called a declaration . God's law and God will will. as the But the second kind the Church allows never. And guilty. and. although the parties are sep- arated from each other. in see to it that those who observe His law. therefore. Now the first kind of separation is allowed by the Church whenever If they the separation there is a grave reason. the Church makes no distinction in this respect between the innocent party and the is A bond a bond. further. the final balancing. may seem to the innocent party. were allowed to marry again would be said to be a vinculo. such.THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE Its 25 meaning is that. j One of the parties may forfeit certain rights of marriage through infidelity to the partner. or separation from the bond. The actual contract or tie would be broken.
26 THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE It nullity. means that is that which has appeared to be a marriage declared never to have been a marriage from the beginning. There no difficulty. The parties have gone through the ceremony. and void. Catholic. Baptism is the first Sacrament and the door of the other Sacrament. the Church approves of the marriage. in love with and wishes to be married to her is In the Catholic Church. what has really happened? The Jew's first marriage was really no marriage at all In the sight of the Church. A Jew married to a baptized Christian wife seeks for a divorce in the law courts. but there has been some obstruction in the way which has prevented the knot from being tied and so the supposed marriage must be declared null Let us take an instance. the And if man happens to the undiscerning public have been a wealthy Jew is not slow to attribute unworthy motives to the Church. The Jew had not received the Sacrament of baptism and so was Incapable of receiving the Sacrament of marriage. But again. And being unbaptized he was furthermore Incapable of making the contract of . What has happened? that the The undlscerning public think Church has approved of divorce and of the remarriage of a divorced person. He a is successful in his suit. falls Then a he becomes Catholic girl.
or shows contempt for God and gion. or tries to pervert the faithful partner. and the other refuses peaceably. solved either by papal dispensation for some grave reason. when the Jew became a Catholic and received the Sacrament of baptism he was quite free and capable of uniting himself with the partner of his choice. There are three exceptions to the law of indisThe first two concern marriages ratified but not consummated.THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE 27 making the contract of marriage. If one of the parties to the Christian faith. religious profession of one of the parties. She has suffered the loss of faith rather than sacrifice whole nations from the . the marriage which. Consequently. 15). even when converted to live reli- consummated. Therefore. then the faithful one has a right to a real divorce (I Cor. Such may be dissolubility. It The third is known may happen only in and this is as the a mar- riage between unbelievers. to have been null and void from the beginning. vll. by the law of the land. Pauline privilege. was declared to be dissolved was by the law of the Church declared never to have existed. or by the solemn. Within these limitations the Church is absolutely Inexorable against any attempt at separation from the bond. for the Sacrament is the contract.
the spring When we may the conjugal expect to see bond loses its immutability benevolence and affection destroyed between hus- band and wife. And as nothing ruins families and destroys the corruption of is most powerful kingdoms manners. For the English-speaking world the Pope's firmness. it Is like the easy to see that divorce. " of which divorce can hardly be enumerated. main the character Leo XIII. the . The great evils. the protection and education of children rendered more difficult the germs of discord sown between families. danger for her of seeing herself forsaken. and one jot or to have condoned a' denial of the sacramental na- ture of the matrimonial bond. woman's dignity disowned. The care of the Sacrament has been committed to her keeping." is wrote the Pontiff. after having served as the instrument of man's passions. would have been to renounce the divine charge given to her. And the famous Encyclical of the late Sovereign Pontiff. even in one case. an encouragement given to infidelity.28 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD tittle of her principle. must ever reof woman's dignity and safety " as to her marriage right. which only begotten of the depraved manners of a . must ever be a monument of the fidelity of the Church to the sanctity of the mar- riage state. in refusing to grant a divorce to Henry VIII.
has come to pass. And when the Churches which ought to guard the sanc- tity of marriage show themselves weak and accommodating to the lower pleasures of man. made which may be irksome is trifling but the irk- someness thereby suffered compared with . States. it is the Catholics reli- who are the salt of the earth. make profession of free love. for Catholics to make their voice heard In protest. Whilst other gious bodies are prepared to give specious pretext which way under any See of Peter may arise. . indeed.THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE people. and are becoming day by day more prevalent. both in private and in public life. This. High time is It. tive is It Nay. is 29 the worst enemy of families and of and that it opens the door. as in In the matter of the sanctity of mar- many other things. the proclaims the principle of no compromise. unashamed. we must not be surprised if non-religious bodies all speak openly in favor of divorce and. attests." Views subversive of the Catholic ideal are now very prevalent. then. absolutely imperaloyalty around the that Catholics should rally themselves anew with even greater Father lation Holy Legis- who watches its the marriage Sacrament so anxiously and sees is dangers so clearly. as experience to the most vicious habits. riage.
if only life. let us admit all this. is that a gossiping wife a plague of a life . The pasare let loose and fall victim to every little life. we spread them out over the short run of . however. that child- bearing children is is a burden. but at the same time insist that the Sacrament of marriage has power either to prevent or mitigate the sions. Then comes the sad spectacle of a mother left alone with a house full of children and no father to provide for them. that the education of a tax many on the family's resources. sweet and easy to bear.30 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Let us admit diffiis the irksomeness thereby avoided. boldly that the marriage state culties. a father with a house full of children and no mother to take care of them. The Church's laws may be hard to bear at times. It restrains the pas- lished sions But let the idea of divorce once get estaband there is an end of restraint. or what is perhaps even more sad. They are. that fraught with love is liable to grow cold. that a is drunken husband an almost intolerable nuisance. counter-attraction to family The half-hearted is partner who realizes that there an easy escape from the burden of married life makes no serious attempt to bear it. as the yoke of Christ. evils.
CHOICE OF A STATE
that nearly the whole of the creative
literature of the
world has been made to center
round the young
that love stories
about married people, widows,
have such a prosaic savor and so often tend
in the virgin
thing mysterious in virginity.
There is a power mind which can change the
men, of nations, of the race.
power be divided, ministering to the procrebody and education of soul? Or shall it renounce the carnal part and be devoted excluation of
sively to the care of the spirit?
These questions are very
perhaps as old as
race itself; for there
believe that the sins of our
parents had some-
thing to do with the
that in the earliest
problem faced the maidens of the family. Vesta was the goddess of the hearth. But family wor-
MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
was not enough.
needed where all the citizens of the State could worship as one great family. The goddess was
there represented by an eternal
burning on her
set aside to
hearth or altar.
pure, as the
The goddess was chaste and The virginity of the
and realized that
priestesses both figured
Thus, even in natural religion virginity was
garded as a higher type of spirit life. When God became incarnate He added a higher sanctity to virginity by choosing to be born of a Virgin. By the same act too he raised the dignity of motherhood. Both states of life were
needed for the perfection of His plans. Some would be called to one state, others to the other. Christ Himself declared that renunciation of marriage was more blessed than fruition, provided it was done for the kingdom of heaven's sake. Not
every one could receive that word, but he
could, let him.
He that giveth his virgin in marriage
and he that giveth her not doeth
In biblical language the term " virgin " includes
as well as
women. Thus St. John in the " These are they who were not
CHOICE OF A STATE
defiled with women: for they are virgins." In modern language we speak of the men as celibates.
that single blessedness
Council of Trent uses both words in defining " If anyis the higher gift.
one says that the married state
not a better and
to be placed
before that of virginity or celibacy, and that
more blessed thing
to remain in
virginity or celibacy than to be joined in matri-
him be anathema."
virginity or celibacy here
necessarily that of the ecclesiastical or religious
recognizes three normal states
of life: marriage, which
ness in the world, which ness in religion, which
good; single blessedbetter;
This does not mean however that the single
better for everybody, nor that the religious life
the best for everybody.
states are only
good, better, and best, when regarded in themselves.
them with regard to
ular people, the order of good, better, and best
Indeed, for the vast majority
of people marriage
single life In the
by far the best thing.
world would maim them, and perreligion would ruin them. Everything
depends on the Individual's circumstances,
his health, his ability, his desires,
MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
the problem with
young people are confronted:
state of life
Let us say at the outset that the solution is love. But what is love? Its mystic nature defies an
simple definition which
be applied to every
kind of love.
good for some one.
the essence of love, whether of father,
mother, husband, wife,
be accompanied by the passion of affection
If I love
If I love
or by the passion of aversion.
a dislike to a
may be devoid, or almost devoid, may have a love for the religious
for instance, without having any affection for
see that only by entering religion shall
I be able to
do the greatest good to my fellow I have an aversion for comof liberty, yet I
mon life and loss
see in those
best chance of salvation
and love them
In the choice of a state of
question will be:
then the leading
or other. It is the which they are by nature fitted. the preis dominant attractive If this passion It conall sonant with reason and revelation then is good and beautiful. Mutual passion for each other force. is can In most cases the choice settled by a chance is meeting and by the accident known as falling in love. never state for Marriage will be the choice of most.CHOICE OF A STATE Do I 35 live want to be married? Do I want to singly in the profession? want to world and devote myself to a special Do I want to be a priest? Do I be a nun? Above all. often arises In which only ruin of the end of marriage. is my desire condo I waver between one thing and anknowing my own mind? stant. by God and by the one of the pair feels the passion. is the and sup- pose her mind to be expressed by some such saying . other to do? Suppose it to be the What girl. however. If there are impediments to Is the proposed marriage then the passion place and must be checked. out of Passion cannot be good If it has for its object that which tends to the But the Impediments Church are all arranged placed to protect the end of marriage. The case. and therefore passion must never seek to override them. and for them the highest and most perfect life which they live.
If she is young and likely to have other chances she may wait. Let us repeat. you know. but I cannot say in love am with him. If she be- lieves that the man is will do all he can to make her all happy. but hesitates about accepting him because she does not feel in love." There is need here to distinguish between love and passion. passion over. Good will made. She feels that she can honor and respect him. that the most perfect love for married people is that in which the will is fired by . though. . that of the will. But if she is likely to become an old maid then she may fortify herself with the philosophical distinction between love and passion. is controlled by But let us never forget that the lasting is element in such love burns out in time. Passion The is girl then who Is in every way fitted for marriage receives an offer from a young man who in many ways suitable. Love is essentially an act of the will passion is essentially a mere sensation. the is she will be well advised to marry is the real stuff of which love is but an added perfection. him.36 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD : as this that I " I like him. More- good will in such cases Invariably rouses the passion before the days of courtship are ended. passion and in which the passion the will. and she determined to do she can to make him happy.
single life con- poverty in prospect. He knows quite well what he wants. before bad habits are formed. Vocations to the celibate begin to show themselves before the age adapted to mar- . is In regard to marriage he afford to keep a wife. Then must he seriously turn his attention to marriage as to his salvation. They prefer to be free for the joys of of those young cigarettes and billiards rather its than undertake the burden of marriage with choice is greater joys. He doubts only his power of fulfilling the obligations usually of the new state of life. even with . afraid he cannot The number is growing men who abstain from marriage in order that they may have the pleasure of trifling luxuries. however. better to " It is marry than to burn. ing. important. Such a nothing but low. It is appall- were better therefore to marry.CHOICE OF A STATE On as to 37 the part of the man the doubt is hardly ever whether he is in love or not. than to lead a tinually tempted and perhaps continually life usually falling." And it is best of all to marry early. The number of unhappy homes. nor yet as to whether he is called to marriage or the Church. caused through youthful indiscretion before marriage. is More the case where the young man finds the single life a constant tempta- tion to impurity. unworthy selfishness.
it Nor on it the other hand must they suppress when appears. a prevalent impression in There is many Cath- two callings for girls. She and encourages a career for certain women cloistral in a life of single blessedness without the vows. is On this point the Church sanctions in full S3mipathy with the age. Now such is not Catholic teaching. It is a great privilege to be able to offer a child for the special service of God. she provides the means life is lived to in her Sacraments its by which such a highest perfection. Indeed. Neither is that Catholic teaching. Its chief sign is a spon- taneous and constant desire. Two dangers are Parents must not force the idea chil- of the priesthood or of the cloister on their dren. There is an impression too that the single state outside marolic families that there are only riage or religion is something lower than either. they will be on the lookout for the signs of zeal and piety which ac- company the desire. so that the vocation may have every chance of coming to maturity. is know that such a vocation a special gift of God. I think the origin of confusion in regard to the Church's teaching comes from misunderstanding . either to get married or to become a nun. to be avoided.38 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Parents need to riage. And more.
fore is The practice of spiritual directors there- recommend not a vow but a resolution. A certain amount of contemit. Penance. a certain amount of slumwill ming or similar charitable work be helpful to . then there is no difficulty whatever in changing her resolution. for it There is not the same protection is in the world as there in religion. and especially the vow of virginity. but they are by no means proof against the desire for the Sacrament of matrimony. understanding that she could not possibly keep If. outside a religious order or congregation. and the Eucharist are all-powerful against the temptation to incontinency. or in continuous slumming. Confirmation. Thus if a girl makes a resolution to lead a single to and afterwards receives an offer of marriage which she wants to accept. She strongly discourages the taking of any vow. The Sac- raments of Baptism. and could only be dispensed from it on the life outside religion. if one has time and opportunity.CHOICE OF A STATE 39 her practice as to the taking of vows. Whereas. must be adopted for the kingdom of heaven's sake. it this single life in the world be it adopted. however. Nor does this mean that must be lived in continuous contemplation. if she were under a vow she would have to make serious efforts to keep the vow. it. plative prayer will be included in and.
MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD What is meant. is that the life shall be lived at least in a state of grace and that effort shall be made towards spiritual perfection. ended. Therefore the spirit must be continually strengthspirit ened by renewed communion with the In marriage the flesh fied. " Redemption. in his exquisite story. is world. and involves the duty of availing one's self of the means to do so. Religion the only reliable help.40 it. In the natural order the normal condition of chastity is work. to a certain extent satisis In virginity and celibacy the flesh morti- fied. therefore." draws a fine picture of a milliner young who made her joy. moreover. their hope. And this mortification is sustained just in spirit satisfies its proportion as the longing for God. however. uninteresting. Rene Bazin. The renunciation of marriage implies power to is remain chaste. And if they adopt the single either volun- . and veil. occupation a fascinating and consoling occupation of But she was an exception. by taking the nun's The its women in workshops does not of It is is nature tend to keep them good. supernatural Regular Confession and Comfirst munion therefore are the of a chaste life normal conditions outside the marriage state. We carry our treasure in The flesh lusteth against the spirit. life. drab and Marriage. frail vessels.
has a an individual value. The single life is more easily chosen by the expert woman of the middle and upper-middle classes. . that An authority has said. thus social as well as by the Church. to insist upon this phase of the Catholic ideal. state. it are by temperament adapted to single life Whatever the exact percentage may would seem to pertain to the normal state of a healthy society that a certain number should be free from the cares of a family. sanctified Single blessedness. in these days. It re-acts particularly it on the marriage it strengthening and keeping another. so as to be able to take a more active and independent part in the social and spiritual regeneration of the in the world. though the statement has been from twenty to thirty per cent of women be. She can enter the learned professions. questioned. social organism. their almost solely in the regular use of the other Sacraments. community. We to are all members one of greater or less The power of is self-conquest which virginity implies tell in bound degree on every member of society. The restraint practiced in the single life re-acts generally on the whole pure. It is well.CHOICE OF A STATE hope lies 41 tarily or in willing submission to necessity.
. bearing If they of many souls. Those who marry not do fruit to the extent better. and dlrect- do not choose this state spontaneously. for without them neither the Church nor the world could a vocation. It even so they can sanctify ' by using It ing It to the higher claims of the spirit. continue. for they sacrifice themselves for the whole spiritual kingdom.42 I MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Let no one then despair of being unable to find Those who marry do well.
" Courting time The is truth thereby unconsciously spoken needs to be well spread abroad in these days. it At the outset. be known to all nuns that .CHAPTER IV CHOICE OF A MATE That was girl. but on the other hand they must not be expected to deport themselves as if they were preparing for a funeral. your reverence. keeping if it is Is one of the happiest times of and not attended with joy and brightness there something wrong somewhere. In speaking of a preparation for a great Sacrament. she replied: " A little courting. life. is then. is Company life. this. On the have arrived at pected to take common one hand the young people who this interesting stage may be exthere need of much it seriously. a naive answer given by the little Irish Asked by the priest what was the way of preparing for the Sacrament of matrimony. let be known Let it to all parents that there nothing sinful in their grown-up children looking for partners. even as of is all other phases of Christian sense.
It is primarily an of the heart. although entirely affair falling in love is something it which ought to be controlled by reason. and woman affection God has given man and love. but their action depends largely on their object. tellect in the man cannot make woman's face . Now. from its earliest signs and movements it is someto father thing which ought to be perfectly abovebdard. an affair is not of the reason. great Sacrament. Still. But In addition to reason. and we might indeed have grave fears for the survival of our race. all Let it be known to all young men and of courtship is maidens that the thing to be affair not some- ashamed of. Of its nature it involves a certain amount of modesty and shyness. If only such marriages took place as were the result of clear reasoning and mere reasoning from beginning to end. this would become a very dull and uninteresting world. known and mother. and preparation for a verve and joy and delight can suffer no loss through being regulated by the claims of religion. The affection and The a light of in- the love have reason to guide them.44 there MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD is nothing wrong in big children of Mary young speaking tQ the young men of the congregation. acknowledged It is a its in the presence of the family.
then.CHOICE OF A MATE look more beautiful. I only know that I do. They all come from one and the same Author. this adjustment. A is case of real love between a man and woman beyond adequate explanation. but the kind of love she likes best is when he is obliged to say: " I do not know why I like you. A that man may love a woman for her good looks. Marriage a great Sacrament. for her intellectual endow- ments. and so it is only a question of adjustment. 45 The light of intellect in a woman cannot make a man's form look more handsome." So the problem olics is this : to be solved by all young Cath- How are the claims of this mysteri- ous and inexplicable love and afiection to be reconciled with the claims of stern reason and sublime religion? Let it not be supposed that these rival claims are incompatible with each other. and the Church. having the rules of the . makes The is Church come first. With double guiding light the young people as shall may then frequent such places and cultivate such company be likely to afford a fitting it environits ment for the passion of love when appearance. In order to make both parents and children should know what are the rules of the Church and this what are the rules of right reason. for her domestic virtues.
therefore. under the of " Prohibi- . is of the contract. The first qualification that a Catholic would look for in a partner for life would be that the partner should also be a Catholic. The impediment title is classi- with two others. need a here to be sufficient say that the Church regards the matter as of the most fied. only the Church can say what impediments render the contract unlawful. and what conditions affect the lawfulness. The contract the Sacrament.46 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD all guardianship of right to say the Sacraments. and null what impediments render the contract and void. feel that they have a if Mere acquaintances common and lasting bond This intensified between them feeling they are both Catholics. claims the what is the best preparation for marriage and what are the conditions under which it may be contracted. and. She has a right to say what conditions afiEect the validity. the advantages of such a condition. together with the evil conse- quences following upon the neglect of separate treatment. between in the intimate life Indeed. They will all be found to be eminently practical and possessed of a special aptitude to foster that pure and passionate love which the young people value so highly. It will it. vital importance. indefinitely must be two who are to live together of holy matrimony.
Again. howthe children will not go against the wishes parents of their without first consulting their confessor. The law the law of the Church sanctions With reason. matrimony a man shall leave and mother. Some parents chil- out of mere selfish love dislike to lose their dren. since the Church regards marriage as a great Sacrament. do of watch their children most anxiously. The other It is is that which requires the consent of parents. most fittingly accompanied with ban- . And indeed parents. by which each party protected against possible fraud or mistake. she encourages her children to celebrate it with great pomp and festive joy. especially the mother. it. and act all regardless of the divine ordinance that for the sake of his father ever. course. It happens as a rule only once therefore. cases Of may and do is arise in which the consent of the parents unjustly held back. part of the solemn duty of parents to watch over the children in an affair of great consequence. does the Church oblige chil- dren to consult their parents in the matter. is in a lifetime and. nature compels it." These two also will recom- mend themselves as obviously conducive to the safe-guarding of the Sacrament.CHOICE OF A MATE t'lon 47 of the Church. then. The one is the is proclamation of the banns. In case of dispute.
A third condition for a lawful marriage is that neither party shall be engaged to any one else. No man ment until of honor will enter into a new engagebe- he has been formally released from any previous engagement in which he may have come involved. The Church ordains. but it must be celebrated without any of that external display which would otherwise be so fitting on such an occasion. in Lent until Low Sunday inclusive. how- quct and merry-making. a legal aspect. A marriage may. is it is the ap- pearance of a new face which satisfaction with the old one. in Advent until the feast of the Epiphany. It has a personal aspect. and an ecclesiastical aspect. be permitted during these times. the cause of dis- A man in such a predicament owes it both to himself. There are three points of view from which a previous engagement must be regarded. however. perhaps. ever. It would.48 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD All these things. for. to his pre- . be needless to say that he ought not to make serious overtures to another partner until he has been released by the first. that mar- riages shall be discouraged during the seasons of Advent and Lent. would manifestly be out of place during times S€t about for the more solemn religious exercises. therefore. oftener than otherwise.
but without such an agree- m-ent the engagement will not be binding in con- would produce a legal effect and a social effect. The law has and henceforth only those engagements hold good in ecclesiastical law which have been made in writing. Thus the Church protects the weaker party in two ways. it would hold good in the eyes of the law of the country and Nay. signed by both parties and signed by the parish priest or ordinary. the matter. through want science or produce any canonical effect. too. may have is legal rights to com- pensation for breach of promise.CHOICE OF A MATE 49 vious partner. couples may marry lawfully without such an agreement in writing. although there would be no obligation to marry. in the eyes of all respectable society. Of course. It of proper formality. she gives the warning and protects young people against imprudent engagements. more. Then again there the ecclesiastical aspect of recently been changed. still those invalid espousals would render a person liable to all due restitution or damages just as if they were valid. or at least two witnesses. The pre- vious partner. First. The claims of society demand that neither girl should be kept in a false position. although the espousals were invalid. and to his prospective partner to arrange an honorable settlement as soon as possible. 4 — engage- .
If I bum down my neighFurther. is but it is unlawfully burnt If I down. there are a bor's haystack. is Obviously. it do something contrary. and under circumstances der the due consideration of the dignity of the Sacrament. but not lawful. So however. my to action both unlawful and invalid. the matter should be mentioned to the confessor. I have failed intended to take my neighbor's life. derstand the difference between what is unlawful and what is invalid. is to that of previous the impedimental vows. but have do so. Secondly. but also null and void. she obliges the guilty party to make fitting restitution for all the material loss in which the innocent party may have suffered consequence. similar betrothal. vow may If there has been vow of any kind. My my is action valid. for there no haystack left. number of impediments which not only render a marriage unlawful and Let us clearly unsinful. does this impediment arise that be a left for individual treatment. Another impediment. a vow of a to do one thing to a hindrance to the making rarely. is it is validly burnt down.50 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD when innocence and ignorance hin- ments entered into without deliberation. . shoot at neighbor in the dark and miss him.
CHOICE OF A MATE
Likewise there may be certain attempts to get married which, on account of certain impediments, produce no effect. Such ceremonies are both unlawful and invalid.
the duty of the priest to
inquire whether there be any such impediments
before he allows the celebration to take place.
of them are so rare as not to need public
the banns are published the faithful are
of any impediment, either
or spiritual relationship,
they are bound to declare the same as soon as possible.
of spiritual relationship
that which arises out of the Sacraments of Bap-
tism and Confirmation.
tionship are reduced to
The chances of this relaa minimum by the custom
of having a
as sponsor for the boys
woman as sponsor for the girls. The two great diriment impediments,
which need to be carefully watched by young
people are the impediments of consanguinity and
the connection of blood
the connection of relation-
by marriage. The Church excludes marriages between persons who may be related to each other within certain degrees of relationship. She thus forbids marriage between first, second, or third
MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
also between a
man and his deceased These are the more common cases in which difficulty arises and which need to be carefully guarded against. In some of them, of course, which are not involved in the primary law of nature the Church may grant a dispensation. Nevertheless, she regards them as evil, and only
grants dispensations in order to prevent greater
disastrous results of intermarriage are
It leads to deterioration
of the race,
to a general
to insanity, to physical deformity,
weakening of the
fore. In setting her face against such marriages,
proves herself to be the friend and guardian of
the temporal, as well as of the spiritual, well-being
of her people.
Now, although the Church
their good, yet at the
strict in limitIt is
ing the freedom of her children whenever
same time she leaves much Those who therefore, must look forward to a happy marriage, avail themselves of that freedom which the Church allows, and use also their own sound judgment and common sense. In this sphere one cannot lay down hard and fast rules. What is good what is perin England may be bad in America
missible in one degree of society
CHOICE OF A MATE
able in another.
of the country or of
the particular sphere of Catholic society
which must always be considered.
few general suggestions may be
Character or virtue will be the
quality to be
sought for in the choice of a mate.
nant and essential virtues expected from the
manly virtues. In the natural order it is the sense of honor which will keep the husband faithful to his wife, and insure for her that respect, care, and protection to which she has a right. Sobriety, too, is absolutely necessary for the making of a happy home. The love may be there and
be there, but they will be in
they are accompanied by drunken-
drunkenness be a failing during the
days of courtship, a reform after marriage cannot
that girls are only
too eager to find excuses for a lover addicted to " Oh, but he is as quiet as a lamb this failing.
only reliable advice to
give to a girl with an intemperate sweetheart
the engagement at once.
nant virtue expected from the
in avoiding occasions of sin.
The predomiwoman is chastity.
This will be measured by the care which she takes
not a ques-
MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
tion of having sinned grievously, but of a constant
those habits of modesty,
cence, sobriety of language
utmost decorum in
with members of the opposite
habits which can be observed
effectually than they can
They are much more
every Catholic girl knows them, and no one
observant of and sensitive to them as the honorable
young man who comes to pay court to her. Next, compatibility of temper must be examIt is
easy to discern.
Quarrels during time
may be reasonably excused from time The proverb that true love never runs smoothly implies that, in the common estimation of
mankind, lovers' quarrels are a part of the business
are not angels.
But there are some lovers whose courtship seems
to be one perpetual quarrel, one everlasting carping,
ously such a
and complaint. Obviwould only be accentuated in the and the sooner the engagement
the better for both parties.
question of health, too, ought not to be
In earlier days the Church spoke
on the matter, though now she
to the parties themselves to decide.
social standing. Lastly. than the seek a A young person will not naturally much older one with a view to matrimony.CHOICE OF A MATE cases in which the difficulty 55 arises most frequently are those of insanity and consumption. As a counsel of perfection stances to abstain this abstention is it is well in such circum- from matrimony. it consumption. who contemplate such a marriage ought always to consult a specialist previously. are exceptions rather rule. questions of age. the treatment of vastly As for now been so people either improved that very many consumptive may now marry without serious danger to each other or to their offspring. however. heredity is off- The has science of anything but an exact science. for- But the cases of those hunting after a larger tune and higher position are only too frequent. But where fraught with moral danger. fortune. And it is these who come is to grief in married life. and position. there the question of passion and perit sonal beauty. The wealth. Let be said at once that passion . Parents have a duty toward their prospective spring as well as to themselves. however. then the advice of a medical expert should be sought. Those. Certainly many happy marriages have taken place between persons far removed from each other in age. and may not be overlooked. These.
is that the Sacrament of marriage not a crushing or a cramping of human nature. Let is be said. too. therefore. The great principle to be kept before one's in the choice is mind. that beauty itself to of form and looks despised. then it may be prized for what it is worth. applies to not a thing in in be The Church. it not a bad thing in It is only bad when it overrides reason. remember that that law duly observed will be a safeguard against a multi- tude of more irksome limitations in the future. her office of virgins. by the law of reason. If it seems unfair to have one's choice limited to those who are not of blood relationship. remem- ber that that law duly observed will probably salvation mean from some of the most horrible calami- . If it seems hard to have one's choice limited to a partner of the same religion.S6 is MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD itself. If limits have been placed by the law of God. but a perfecting and realizing of it. Only when opposed to the fear of God is beauty said to be vain. and reign. of a mate. and form fallacious. then those limitations of choice are the conditions of a wider and nobler freedoiji." So long as it is kept in due subordination to the gifts of character and virtue. : them the words of the psalmist " With thy comeliness and thy beauty set out. proceed prosperously. by the law of the Church.
seems to have that those reasonable limits by reason. remember are the barriers which lasting endurance. prevent love from degenerating into mere passion.CHOICE OF A MATE ties 57 If love which can befall the marriage limits set to it state. and insure for it a strong and .
she allows. as well as to the strength of her children. to administer the Sacraments with certain accidental imperfections rather than allow her children to go without For this reason she tolerates what are known as mixed marriages. She has regard to the weakness. . within certain that which is less good. She knows that the Sacraments were made for men. men for She prefers. not the Sacraments. all beautiful. Strictly speaking. always acts as a good and kind mother. She wishes her dren to conform to the ideal as nearly as possible. Consequently she condescends to them. wisdom she finds that the weak ones cannot what she wishes.CHAPTER V MIXED MARRIAGES The Church. mixed marriages are the grace which the Sacraments convey. in her dispensation of the Sacraments. then. Her divine message sets is The ideal which she before her children is a perfect ideal. She ever emphasizes in this ideal even though she knows that manychil- cases it will not be realized. and where in her realize limits.
In order. Thus. They fall below her ideal. The chief characteristic of the is its Christ and His Church absolute perfection. generally speaking. the blessed Trinity. that of one infinite substance. indeed. to undfirstand clearly why the Church looks so unfavorably on such marriages we must keep before our minds the nature of her ideal. The bond between man and wife is as the bond between Christ and His Church. . intense intimacy bond between and by another Christ. although the Church tolerates such marriages under certain conditions. The distinctness is each to and thus enables the Father and the Son Their unity is receive an infinite love. a love which issues in the person of the Holy Spirit. which enables them to communicate to each other an infinite love. yet she ever deprecates them. is that which takes place between a Catholic and a Protestant. Nowhere can distinctness and unity be so complete as in the bosom of infinite. the ceremony performed between a Catholic and a riage in the sense of the Jew would not be a mixed marword as we use it. Now. A mixed marriage.MIXED MARRIAGES of 59 those which take place between baptized persons. comparison. likens it to the substantial union be- tween Himself and His eternal Father. whom one is a Catholic and the other a non- Catholic. then.
Any suggestion of dif- ference of thought between the Fath«r and the Son.6o This ture MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD is a type of the union between Christ and His love to Church. Christ came on earth to speak the mind of the eternal Father. tery. a shadow of the eternal and substantial union of the Father and the Son in the blessed Trinity. a The Sacrament of marriage is a great mys- shadow of the mystic union of Christ and His Church. we conclude that it must be of a nature far more intimate and far more perfect than we can ever hope to comprehend. of course. The Church. is a finite crea- and incapable of giving an infinite Christ. and foremost reason why the Church deprecates mixed marriages is because they spoil God's ideal. But since that union has been likened to the substantial and infinite union of the Father and the Son. or between Christ and His Church. And since the union of man and wife has been likened to the union of Christ and the Church we conclude that that also must be of a nature far more intimate and far more perfect than we can ever hope to comprehend. carries . Nor again is the union between Christ and the Church a substantial union. The Church and Christ do not make up together one substance. The Church exists to The first speak the mind of Christ.
It is who do not recog- only the immediately interested couple. for the time being. own absurdity. Without belief God we cannot love Him. in love. If one article be in the slightest degree the whole faith in rendered A marriage union. cannot see that it is a matter of the highest importance. which It unique of its kind. which a man can posis a possession. Yet. faith. They and where it is a question of so much love the faith must accommodate itself are madly to circumstances.MIXED MARRIAGES with it 6i the evident this mark of From absurdity. they would have to recognize that diversity of faith marriage union must eventually the marriage union. moreover. however. the most sess. there are few people nize the irregularity. believe in in tell in the against love in is the gift by which we His word. we may gather its something of the imperfection of a marriage union in which the parties profess different faiths. who. Indeed. Without the full ac- Faith God and in . The Catholic faith is the most precious treasure. if they could only see the connection between faith and love. therefore. illustrious It is adornment. cannot combine or make terms with changed only is any other vain. which one party makes profession of Catholicism and the other of Protestantism cannot be but an ungraceful thing in the eyes of God.
her eyes wide open to the when she tolerates a Is A mixed marriage a real Sac- . this absence of faith-informed love on the very act. but it needs a nature upon which to And if the faith-informed love of the Catholic partner finds no response in the non-Catholic partner. if it It receives an inferior love in return. if does not dwindle away. is all But mixed marriage the faith on one side. ther.62 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD word we cannot follow His comordinances. it at least fails in its possible measure of nature fruitfulness. ceptance of His We cannot live in sympathy with that wonderful system of morality by which He adjusts and fosters the love between mands and man and man. The Church has weakness of human mixed marriage. its Real love is that only which has faith for in the It foundation. then. or if discovers itself misunderstood and unappreciit ated. part of the non-Catholic partner must in a measure react on the Catholic partner. Grace is powerful. Thus olic it is that the Protestant married to a Cath- cannot avail himself of the teaching and the Sacraments of the Catholic Church which might be so effectual in fostering love between man and wife. does not flourish with Fur- that fecundity which would be present were the parties united in one and the same belief.
The case is Catholic party may be. when she mixed marriage. or to abstain Catholic from Confession. Oftener. The Church by a long experience knows that such attempts are only too common. The non-Catholic must give an explicit promise to this effect. is a dishonorable violation of the condition and promise. He may not make any contrary conditions. certainty lic of spoiling God's ideal there the disadvantage of risking the loss of faith altogether. The Catholic is perhaps too late . there Over and above the is naturally an ever-present danger of the Catholosing the faith. Therefore allov/s a it is that the Church. Sometimes they are done openly and menacingly. and all 63 the graces of the Sacrament are it. to go to a Protestant stay away from Mass. capable of being conveyed through graces though these through the may often fail in their effects want of disposition in the non-Catholic party. insists on the condition that the Catholic partner shall not be hindered in the practice of the faith.MIXED MARRIAGES rament. Numberless are the occasions when the danger creeps in. either before or after the marriage. as the human nature is so weak. perhaps. but as may do his or her best. Any to attempt to compel or persuade the Church. they are done quietly and in a friendly way.
and degree. is In this. but they lead from one thing to another. these social functions are so many pitfalls. an excursion surely one our Church for a change. They seem harmless enough to the religious. Foster a strong dislike for mixed marriages." a social gathering — cannot be so narrow as to object to these There would be less danger in them for a Catholic who was out and out a Catholic. from the social Indeed. as in all other dan- prevention better than cure. a bazaar. well. and who is without all ! those helps which an entirely Catholic family provides. Then is : tion of the non-Catholic the obvious sugges" Oh. the opportunities of perversion are as persistent in their frequency as they are subtle in kind gers. a Catholic joined to a Catholic in marriage. come to Or it may be merely under Protestant auspices.64 for MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Mass on Sunday. Then. make up your mind at once that only by strict observance of the conditions laid . if circumstances have been too many or too strong for you. and generally subject to Catholic influences. Is in themselves. is made by one who not of your faith. Avoid comthe first pany where you are another overtures religious likely to meet a partner of Reject persuasion. But for the Catholic who is the partner of a Protestant. a tea party. wherever one partner Protestant.
No demonstration is needed to show that only when both father and mother are united in the faith can those early impressions be 5 . is the begetting. the other the bride. faith is The so Important for the child. faith 65 and your hope The fostering of mutual love. Ghost. it the Sacrament of marriage must be true to its mystic types. however. and child- through those impressionable days of hood and youth. must be so ordained as to be an apt principle for the bringing forth and for the educating of children in the Catholic faith. the one in the person of the Holy In the mystery of Christ and His Church is bridegroom. of chil- dren for the kingdom of heaven. In the mystery of the blessed Trinity it the united love of the Father and the Son. that first its influ- ence should be felt at the all dawn of reason. and they are united for the purpose of bringing forth children for the So. in The Church. The chief end of marriage therefore. even is the most perfect and most spiritual love. mixed mar- her legislation for riages has a special care for the children that may be born of them. The is child pertains to the ideal of the great Sacrament.MIXED MARRIAGES down by the Church can your and your love be saved. and educating. if kingdom of heaven. not the chief end of marriage.
must be brought up in the Catholic faith. He has already received the Sac- . tion. The soul of a boy is just as valuable as the soul of a girl. All. in either one tell or the other. however. and the soul of a girl is just as valuable as the soul of a boy. the Church has also a cure for the non- Catholic party. In their education. and suggests that the girls shall follow the mother while the boys follow the is father. There must be no compromise. therefore. When. Oftentimes the nonCatholic party proposes to meet the Church half way. must inevitably on the character of the child. and for the sake of avoiding some evil. In the interest then of the offspring the Church looks askance on the mixed marriage. The non-Catholic party the children must must explicitly promise that all be brought up in the Catholic religion. greater then she places a special condition in favor of the children. without excep- there must be no compromise. Further. less she permits it as something good.66 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD imparted. And made the idea prevails In some quarters that the Church willing to allow this. efficiently A different faith. Let it be clearly known that the Church knows nothing of such half measures. for both have been bought with an infinite price. According to her law every child of a mixed marriage must be brought up a Catholic.
The condition tends to the perfection of the ideal. however. albeit a rebellious subject.MIXED MARRIAGES 67 rament of baptism and now he receives the Sacrament of matrimony. His rebellious state may be due to no fault of his own. gen- erously fulfilled. The Church. But the two conditions concernif ing the faith of the wife and the children. tends to the eternal salvation of the non-Catholic partner. tends to the preservation of the faith of the children. Its application. The reasonable- ness of the condition is evident. seems at considerable first sight to be fraught with difficulty. however. He is a subject of the Church. recognizes and consequently makes a dience. would seem to go a long way . tends to the preservation of the faith of the Cathohc partner. special effort to to her obeShe places a third condition to a mixed win him back party marriage — the Catholic must strive to bring about the conversion of the non-Catholic. is How is one to know whether there breathe where any hope of a professing Proteswill? tant becoming a Catholic? He Does not the Spirit Must the non-Catholic have already entered upon a course of instruction? The practice of the Church does not require the 'in manifestation of such clear signs as suggested the last question. and he may not recognize his rebellious it state.
-and that the children lics. toward his wife If the non- Catholic party willingly signs the declaration that may have the free exercise of her religion. they are some- the Catholic party. having ideal likened to the union between the Father and the Son. and to the union between Christ and His Church. Catholic. God will some day prove We must strive. and that there shall be a reasonable hope of the Protestant becoming a Catholic. to keep three things well First. . then. because they endanger the faith of Thirdly. it. times tolerated in order to avoid greater evils. to the front of the Catholic consciousness. Evidently he has some good will toward is Presumably he not resisting grace.68 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD fulfilling the third condition. mixed marriages are discountenanced by the Church because they spoil God's ideal. Under such conditions one grace of may reasonably hope that the effectual. too. and because they endanger the faith of the children. and then only on the three conditions that the Catholic shall have free exercise of religion. that all children shall be educated as Catholics. Secondly. the union of marriage its is a great Sacrament. may be brought up Catho- then that may be deemed suiEcient grounds for hoping that he. may some day become is a Evidently he not fighting against the Church.
" the creature you gave me poisons existence. " my life is very solitary So Twashtri took the since I returned this creature. she grumbles at nothing. But after another eight days the man became again uneasy." my all he said. she takes my ill.CHAPTER VI BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE There is a very old first Hindu legend is in which the making of the woman described in this wise. This time. She babbles unceasingly. . " I do not know how it is. and out of them he made a woman sented to the man." said. When the creator Twashtri had made man he gathered together a million contradictory elements. " My lord." time." So Twashtri gave him the woman back again. My lord. whom he prebe- After eight days the man came " dissatisfied. and is always woman away." he said. however. only three days had gone by when " the man came he once more to the god. My lord.
to St." cried the man. under the influence of matrimonial Marriage grace. Husbands.70 but MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD somehow the woman I gives me more annoyance " than pleasure. It is their mutual life and constant adjustment of mind and heart. " Neither can you live without her. best." cried the god. beg of you to take her away. Go and do your " But I cannot live with her." Doubtless the Apostle was writing to correct certain abuses prevalent among the people to whom full he wrote. " I can neither live with nor without her. which is to make them perfect. He was not necessarily giving a and comprehensive description of the mar- ." he said. be obedient to your husbands as you should be in the Lord. Let us acts. refer Paul to see how the grace He touches two sensitive nerves when he says: " Wives. love your wives and be not bitter toward them." But Twashtri would not." Since that story was written thousands upon the conflicting thousands have felt experience which the story expresses. is that The when man and woman are joined together underlying truth matrimony neither of them is perfect. in is one of the means of their salvation. " Woe is me I " mourned the man.
love your wives. Husband and wife . and should between two persons." The if Apostle is evidently referring to a neglect on the part of the husbands. affecting not only individual families. God is the love of the love It Is the blessed Trinity. and child. " Husbands. for it is the failure to appreciate their true nature which issues in multitudes of other evils. personal A religious must love God before she can love her neighbor. love and obedience. In The it ideal love requires three persons. " reading the epistle in the light of present day abuses. 71 Forgetting this. In the family the love of husband. He it is not talking as love were to be a one-sided requires that exist at least affair. the whole human race.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE riage ideal. " cannot stand that man Paul ! Let our consideration then be confined to these two virtues of conjugal relationship. In the religious it is of God and of one's neighbor. nay. nations. in the love of the Father and the Son issues Spirit of love. The very nature of love should be reciprocal. wife. especially that portion of them which speaks of the obedience of wives. The The love between two is the inchoate and root love which issues in the perfect love between three. many people have misunderstood the Apostle's words. How many women there are now who. but communities.
One of the most remarkable phenomena of the age is the movement for the While admitting and emancipation of women. But she can love her that she possesses children more when she knows nature of also the love of their father. however.72 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD their It often must love each other before they can love children perfectly. as one of the its nature so generous and so constant as to overshadow that other endowment of woman. is man toward the woman is needs a more careful watching. happens that a wife who is without a husband's love can take refuge in the love of her children. . a more careful cultivation. difference. her of intelligence. She herself is beginning to realize this all the world over. however. It is always flowing. not so great as has been frequently supposed. The such that the love of the man and woman. We must ever remember that woman is essentially a rational being just as man is. quality of a In our endeavor to emphasize the woman's love we may not undervalue her intelligence. between the two fac- the faculty of loving and the faculty of is thinking. is A woman's love as a torrent which It has been used even by God most forceful analogies by which to make men realize His love for mankind. The ulties.
the lady dentist. in affairs of we cannot overlook the heart that she is the fact that the stronger. sive. practical.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE asserting then the claims of 73 woman's it is intelligence. The . however. in commerce. Oftentimes the wife Half of the teaching profession consists of women. And simply because man is the working the brains of the family. attention that his love if He has so many outlets for his he does not take the greatest care. man to be the breadwinner He it is who must use his brains of the in the learned professions. his wife which should be devoted to absorbed in his business and family is or other intellec- tual pursuit. and exclu- It must be first of all affectionate. and is There are exceptions. the lot of the family. it must have the three qualities of being affectionate. On the other hand ordinarily speaking. Generally. But the lady doctor. in the in the crafts. it is. The lines upon which the cultivation of a hus- band's love should take place will be decided ac- cording to the character and dispositions of the wife. brains of the family his faculty of loving needs a special culture. and the lady professor. arts. usually find it more convenient to retire from their professions whenever they enter the state of matrimony.
That is. and the time of marriage as the time of prose. which of their very nature tend to take the poetry out of life. her husband springs from the same affectionate If it is to flourish it must be fed. tremely beautiful when an old Darby and Joan can . Then he ought to put forth a strong will in the frequent repetition of such acts. The need must be satisfied or it will shrivel away. he ought not to allow himself to be moved merely by his passions and an feelings. There is a tendency among men to regard the time of courtship as the time of poetry. out what sympathy. his and attention wife's feelings toward It is ex- himself. It is it women that they are to expect about half as much affection after marriage as very sad that be excusable. It has been divinely foretold that such in the flesh. al- though may There are far more cares in the married state than in the single. And there is an axiom among before. it should be so. But it need not be so bad as Nay. the very cares which tend cultivate such affection requires to lessen the affection ought to be the occasion of its increase. shall have trouble it is. The man ought to be a man. active will To and a keen intelligence.74 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD woman for her children and double affection of a nature. kindness. He little ought to use acts of affect his intelligence to find interest.
a husband's love must be practical. a prolonged neglect of the practical side of a husband's love must wear out a wife's . again. Their business is not. Here again it is a question of external attractions against the attraction of the wife at home. the pleasure of company. provided she gets the affection. are violations of the practical love due All from husBut that band is to wife. of avoiding the Secondly. Frequently the wife can just toler- ate them. a means of keeping one's self. and you with a knowing smile that they have not yet finished courting. Or. of studying each other's likes and dislikes. the counter attraction may be only low pleasures. as it were. Nevertheless. the pleasure of the public-house. of seizing upon adversity only as an occasion for deeper sympathy. Some as a men there are so absorbed in their business or profession as to regard their wife and home mere accident in life. wife. They have learnt the secret of cultivating affection. and family in comfort.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE look back on a married tell 75 life of say forty years. of saying word which gives word which gives pain. the pleasure of the club. the pleasure. only because by nature she has such a strong affection. but rather the wife and the family are the means of carrying on the business.
has consequences reaching much His further than would appear at first sight. instinct If there is one that which is paramount in woman it is the love given to her by her husband must be exclusive. her housekeeping. affection must be translated into action. Even more peremptory the law of nature Nowhere. twenty centuries' experience of human nature.76 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD life is affection. are these laws of nature more carefully protected than in the Catholic Church. her pleasures. therefore. the broken and the strength of society at its foundations. a husband's love must be exclusive. Thirdly. family is and then there is an end of all love. his care for her dress. however. And what the law of nature demands the law of revelation confirms and sanctions. Christian wife cannot for a The moment tolerate the idea which prevails In the Mormon is or the Mo- hammedan social systems. She knows quite well that those laws cannot be . sapped The husband's prac- tical love of his wife. else he fails in one of the greatest duties of his manhood. her health. The Christian dispensation in forbidding polygamy shows how much more it is in conformity with the laws of human nature than the other religions which allow plurality of wives. She has had against the crime of adultery.
that in the matter of purity the Church brands as mortal sin even the lesser faults when The true deliberately committed. Christian husband. must be affectionate. it which may will make a special study and effort that his is wife shall realize that she the only one If this who of will has any attraction for him. then. the unchaste word.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE observed by merely forbidding the grosser adultery or polygamy. the unchaste look. habit it thought and action be sedulously cultivated The mutual will be love be- tween husband and wife constant as to leave no so strong and room for jealousy. sins 77 of One does not fall into those sins suddenly. Therefore it is. content with merely guarding against will strive all He he can in the opposite direction. and actually the death hell. for such is love is strong as death. will not be sin. bear fruit on both sides. are ordinarily found Although these qualities more pronounced and more . He He will avoid even innocent attentions to others possibly give displeasure to his wife. of that jealousy which would be hard as What practical. a series of seemingly less harmful the un- chaste thought. has been said of a husband's love applies It equally to a wife's love. and exclusive. The way is prepared by sins. while leading an otherwise pure and blameless life.
affectionate. so that her love shall be first exclusive. Impo- tent of discernment. then practical. Man was made first. in this question Especially of the obedience of wives to hus- bands will he. then practical. she will simply reverse the order. then exclusive. In his overlordship one will deny that in . in condemning an obedience which no Christian wife render. is supposed to Let us see then what Is conjugal obedience. No I some sense the husband family. must seek out opportunities of giving them free and healthy exercise. and then " Wives. be obedient to your husbands in the Lord. the is movement site the emancipation of women fraught with the danger of rushing into the oppoerror of that which is to be remedied. yet even the wife cannot afford to leave them to natural impulse. must watch them. or rather she. There is only a slight difference in their order.78 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD natural in the wife than in the husband. instead of making her love affectionate. Bending to the first nature of the man. She also must cultivate them. is the head of the and made lord of the earth." Like for all other social movements. the agitator will purge away both the dross and the gold together. persist in confusing the true obedience with false.
He was to be the strong element. Obviously. of wives is as much raised above The obedience tween servile obedience that of sons as that of sons is above that of the slaves. Doubtless there have been many husbands who wives obedience have demanded of of a slave. a distinction be- and conjugal obedience. helping him in those things for which by nature he was unsuited. She was to be his complement. at least to some extent. informed by the motive is of love. He was to be her protector she was to find her joy in the sense of the security of his protection. end was a woman taken from his flesh and bone and given to him to be his wife. We all know the distinction between servile and yet filial obedience. she the gentle. to his overlordship. is informed by the motive of fear.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE To this 79 he was lonely and had need of a helpmeet for him. among the rest of tion. there the obedience of sons. was not to be reckoned. she was meant to yield. Nor was she to be reckoned above man. the other So. The one is the obedience of slaves. as She crea- part of the man's goods and chattels. their And doubtless such husbands are largely responsible for much of the present mis- . The only question is as to what extent. then. likewise. Nor yet again was she to be reckoned as fulfilling the same office as man.
frequently con- sulted. And a wife would be acting well within her rights were she to resent any interference in these matters. If a individuals . are points of servants and babies. due to the husband only is It not absolute. however. — these evidently belong to the judgment of the husband. Hard and fast rules. But having expressed her opinion she ought to abide by the decision of the head of the family. or perhaps when he is when he his' divines that his suggestion will meet with wife's approval. for inupon which the husband should say. The management stance. the choice of trades or professions for the children. may say that the obedience of the wife within certain limits. except have nothing to asked. everything which seri- ously affects the income of the family. On the other hand the interior domestic arrangements pertain to the judgment of the wife. and ought to be. The wife may be. It is is not due to him in those matters where rule. it evident that the wife must All matters of business.8o MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Broadly speaking we is understanding of the nature and limits of wifely obedience. down. cannot be laid Much depends upon the temperament of and the force of circumstances. it is It is due to him in all those matters where evident that he must rule.
the presumption the husband. or upon another business built up by his wife. decide by argument who through has the right to obey. however. Again. the obedience must Its foundation in mutual love. In favor of Above have Is all things. and dowry for a livelihood. say three times. command and who is the duty to The love In marriage a great mystery.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE man eventually has to depend on his wife's 8i has failed in business. In is all cases of doubt. however. but must disobey. these are occasions when she not — only may. to ask her to do something which is against any of the Ten Commandments. through life It be useless to try to success and and through death. through adversity. Unless there present that determination to love each other through thick will and thin. and he who would reduce it to mechanical laws must possess a higher knowledge than that ever yet possessed by mere man. . To require a wife to give up any of her religious duties as a Catholic. then he cannot expect to have the same authority as one possessing the full complement of manhood. no obedience is due to him when he is obviously demanding something contrary to divine law.
there can be life just debauchery in the pleasures of married excess and drinking. as in all other functions of man.CHAPTER VII CONJUGAL RESTRAINT All who look forward to marriage do so as to a Yet how many fail to realize their ideal! It makes you jump. and this. . to the end. when you think of what you expected. So we come round again to the same old theme if you want to enjoy the Catholic ideal of a perfect marriage you must follow the Catholic rules. in all the other It would be very strange if animal tendencies she counselled moderation. Now one of the chief means to happiness prois posed by the Church conjugal restraint. and in this allowed unlimited indulgence. He who wishes for the end wishes also the means state of ideal happiness. and compare it with what you have got. In Such is a violation of the law of nature. happiness. virtue. as Chesterton would say. inevitably brings on nature's punishment. as in the pleasures of eating Yes.
restrained and con- trolled. that rational restraint is the way and fullest happiness in married life. The what is question before us sin or is not so much as to no sin. The Church allows a wide freedom in the enjoyment of conjugal pleasures. however. for which it was it . but rather as to what helps to a higher happiness. the sexual appetite can be directed to the three great ends for which can it was made. hand hand with nature. to the fur- thermost of nature's limits before she says that such or such an act is sin. She never for a moment forgets that one of the ends for which marriage was instituted was that it should be a remedy for concupiscence. and moderation is secured by rational restraint. not to avail themselves of the whole range of nature's freedom. The In its turn is illum- Thus. and reason ined by divine wisdom. is The root reason of this counsel to be found will is in the fact that by restraint the sexual appetite Is will. In order therefore that there shall be no danger of indul- gence outside lawful matrimony.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT 83 and well-being are to be found in moderation. the widest possible exercise is permitted within matrimony. in The Church goes. and thus be prevented from abuse. She counsels the marShe declares to the highest ried pair. brought under control of the guided by reason.
to hear that their own son is making his mark in the world. But these minister to the perfection both of the indi- vidual and of the race. The third is the all fostering of conjugal love and affection. or that their own daughter is to to see the child is married well and happily. third reasons minister to the Unless there were a remedy for concupis- cence. second is the calming of concupiscence.84 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD The order and higher satisfaction thus not made. The married pair see in their offspring the continuance of their own life. secured constitute the essence of happiness. quarrels. Let us see now reached. and to Its good bringing up when born. Their joy know that a child is born to them. grow up and become settled in life. The second and first. the fostering of con- jugal love tends both to the Increase of offspring. illegitimacy. its Sensual pleasure for own sake Is not amongst the recognized reasons for the exercise of the . or divorce. and with it all the evils of jealousy. The The first and chief is the begetting of children. separation. how this higher satisfaction is There are three ends for which marriage was instituted. incontinence would follow. and consequently three reasons which make the marriage act lawful and holy. and consequent avoiding of incontinence. Further.
To let it have destroy full fling is to lessen its keenness. to its power.' That was the error of Manicheism and Buddhism. its must be judged according to In deciding this. act. own circumstances. the existence and the welfare . There can be no general law for everybody. it shirks the burden of children. and to render it disgusting. then it defeats the aim of matrimony. and healthy family of its and towards the procreation of a large children. if 85 satis- It passes away with its own and indulged merely for that purpose has neither use nor dignity. there- fore. It may be the serman it must be re- must not be crushed or destroyed. it was made mere adjunct As a matter of fact It is a to minister to higher ends. the love between husband and wife. is What may excess for one pair may be moderation Each case for another. to the marriage act. it If. towards the normal satisfaction of the sexual appetite. In order that sensual pleasure vant and not the master of strained. is perverted and made an end kills in itself.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT marriage faction. intended to make it attractive for the benefit of the race. it and if its higher ends are exclifded. What is moderation for one partner be excess for the other. But it must be moderated so that it may remain as long as possible a help towards conjugal love.
The way of intention of this chapter. as far as possible. The cares of child-bearing are no excuse for the wife refusing consent.86 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD is of the offspring the first consideration. Complete debauchery will come within this cateSuch excessive indulgence may so weaken a man's will as to render him liable to incontiIn the interests of conjugal fidelity nence. For such a sacred purpose deed. gory. supposed to be fraught with These are love's opportu- and love is given to overcome them. nor yet child's education is the expense of the an excuse for the husband refusa difficult ing consent. marriage is be willing to undergo serious inconvenience. Each partner then has to this danger. nities. Incon- tinence tells against the interests of the offspring. fication for refusing The only justi- something so serious as to involve danger of death. to point the the higher happiness rather than the low- . the other shall not be exposed For the sake of home and family. the duty of seeing that. Not even is childbirth is a sufficient reason for refusing. each one is bound to render the debt either partner should In- as often as reasonably asked. however. or long painful illness. the wife would in such a case be justified in refusing. therefore. serious inconveniences. is to indicate counsel rather than precept.
it it mutual consent. by consent." In the first place he defends the conjugal rights of each partner. In laying it down is doctrine he is mere recommendation " Defraud not one another. Such an act of injustice entail spiritual loss to all concerned. limited time. and thirdly. and return together again. secondly. that you may give yourselves to prayer. and become the source of discontent and unhappiness in the family circle. But is to do so at the expense of another's rights an act of injustice which of its very nature militates against the deeper life desired. lest Satan tempt you for careful to say that a and not a binding obligation. The husband is not to take upon himself any extraordinary restraint without the consent of the wife. for a time. But to can only deny the right is to put the other partner in danger of incontinence. Paul his is our inspired authority. St.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT est 87 degree of strict justice. nor the wife without consent of the husband. your incontinency. " All . is to acquire a wider The aim of restraint and deeper spirit life. Lawful restraint First. it must be by must be only for a must be for the sake requires three conditions. of a higher spirit life. except perhaps. God instituted marriage as a remedy for concupiscence.
however. let sanctify a fast. considering the extent to which repro- ductive powers are abused. Paul supported by the counsels of nature. will allow a and the Church are Nature if wide liberty. is At the end of the marriage service the priest pair. directed so to admonish the bridal usually omitted. The counsels of St. call a solemn assembly: the bridegroom go forth from his bed. all Owing this to the delicacy of the public conis science admonition It remains. to be read privately by those who will avail themselves of the wisdom of Mother Church." things have their season: a time to embrace a time to be far And the time most fitted for this feast. that be practiced at the times of the ecclesiastical fasts and festivals. It is but she will rebel she is over-taxed. and religion promotes The Church makes no law this restraint. about the times of it She recommends." ances are mutually helpful: The two the abstention prorestraint. She gives ample warning as the If the of moderation are transgressed. solemn fast or abstention is the time of " Blow the trumpet in Sion. motes religion. and the bride observ- out of her bride-chamber. But nature is both kind and limits strict. astonishing how the race its continues. however. .88 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD and from embraces.
too.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT excess be persistent 89 and grave. is This restraint It is not accomplished by unaided the result of a special grace of God which is conferred through the matrimonial Sac- rament. nature and religion. the rule is Ad- vent and Lent. but only one of counsel and can thus be changed to nature. The strength of the weaker partner. The married pair. the Church mentions the eves of great festivals. There- will be is supported by grace. once again. and the The woman is the minister of grace to man to the woman. keep the parents . If the advice of the Church. have the advantage of two guides. the man. not one of obligation. But fore this restraint it is needed for these ends. then. will be the measure by which restraint judged. suit each one's individual needs. then. The moderate exercise of the sexual life ought not to interfere with the working-life of either husband or is wife. To all be explicit. It will be a strong help to the married couple to regulate their life within the bounds of physical fitness. she visits the offen- ders with grave chastisement. Nature will give the first warning against excess. be followed. Thus the Catholic ideal again seen to be the power making It tends to for family happiness. and the seasons of But. Grace is all given to accomplish the ends of matrimony.
Common menstruation. is For one partner there nency.90 in MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD good health and consequendy tends to produce it a healthy offspring. danger of grave is illness. and not adorned with the sanction of magic. of good luck. and it will then be to observe unless the non-obli- gatory restraint has been practiced. vents the married pair Now. decency demaads that abstinence should be observed during the whole period of The same must be especially said of the time immediately following childbirth. In preventing excess pre- from becoming mere instruments of pleasure for each other. But it is good custom provided it is regarded merely as a custom. although occasions this abstention during ecclesi- astical seasons is not of obligation. whilst for the other there danger of incontito suffer grave Rather than expose a partner to the danger is of sin the other partner bound . is a Then comes the question of times of illness. and consequently promotes a reverence and love which debauchery would destroy. that it is bad luck to return to the married There life until the woman has been churched. or bad luck. yet there are when difficult it is of obligation. no rule of the Church to this effect. idea prevalent. There is an amongst the poorer classes.
It would have become an effective extimes to ! pression of love.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT inconvenience. Whenever possible a man should take his wife with him on his travels. and wherever the line is drawn it means dissatisfaction for one or other of the parties concerned. but is 91 not bound to go so far as It is to incur dangerous illness. to me on . difficult some- draw the line. also arise the necessity of There may traveler temporary separation on account of business. writing various topics of the social question. is not practicable. for many. who have no wages at A poor dock-laborer of Liverpool. then. if both had practiced restraint when it was not of obligation It would have produced habit of mind and heart. There are thousands upon thounot got a living wage. The sands plight of the very poor calls for special consideration. But since this. How much better it would be. powerful to create a return love and thus to weld anew the marriage bond. A commercial may be away from home for months at a time. by which the stronger a partner would show a tender regard for the weaker. indeed. yea. A sailor may be ordered abroad for a year or perhaps two. the mind of restraint when it must be especially strengthened by the practice is not obligatory. who have thousands upon thousands all.
that it was a crime for a man earning a small wage to marry and bring children into the world. Many good earnest-minded men have often said of us workers. or else refrain restrict from marriage altogether. and so further the birthrate. Too well do we know with what anxiety the arrival of each little new-comer is looked forward means more to feed and power of the bread-winner is gradually growing less. as it clothe. commit a serious crime against our own offspring ? And Which is the greater in this dilemma we inquire well ask ' Is it order to do what ' ' : criminal. while the earning may in ever to be thus? Must we. could I be blamed should I advise my sons not to marry till late in life. the decline of much causing so " agitation throughout the country? is which . and with knowledge that they beget happiness. we were created for." he says. we to. responsible for his condition in life his family I or he who is and who prevents him from rearing in decency and comfort?' Although little look on children as precious heirlooms sent full from God. whose only heritage was one of poverty and want.92 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD tells his story: thus very delicately "I will now touch briefly. " on the birthrate. But as the Church tells us that we are obeying the law of God. the working-man for obeying God's law.
the ficial restrictions of the birthrate. indeed. state. so does not go so far as to suggest the artificial restriction within marriage. titution. marriage the all spite of all poverty. of which he Let it be said at once. entitled to receive all the graces The poor all and the joys which pertain to the marriage session of children. desis that trifle is. the poor were mere trifle compared arti- with those detestable sins against nature. and the posit Poverty in its extremity. . but a mere compared with the It is a sins of incontiif nency which would surely follow forbidden to marry.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT The writer is 93 a good Catholic and This evil. is a deplorable evil. it. though. the procreation of children. or. evil is closely- bound up with the economic speaks. is Of course there no reason why young people should not abstain from marriage until they have a living wage. may be profitably recommended and the Sacraments of the Church will be the best help in carrying it out. abstain from the marriage act. that poverty is no are bar to the Sacrament of marriage. then. But Satan If it will be busy amongst those is who try fails. This course. marriage and remedy in the normal blessings of marriage. having married. provided this can be done without danger of incontinency.
fidelity to it and despoiled can only be by Church for his the complete ideal of the Church.94 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD And ideal it the avoidance of incontinency. is The sexual question. be selfless to a degree so that the weaker party has every consideration. regardless of its own Indulgence. Love. the marriage is if eventually to be made of the stigma of destitution. bottom a relig- happy marriage wants religious illumination and strength. and the promotion of mutual love and affection. The marriage bond is thus something quite distinct from lust. strong love. for pertains to the complete ideal of the that a man should receive as much wages labor as will keep himself. and his family in reasonable and frugal comfort. wife. ious one. the bond of intense. therefore. all will be and directed to the higher well-being of husband. though largely at a physical and economic one. howseeks the higher well-being. The love of the its married pair then will be tender above It will all things. controlled . namely. The marriage bond has its likeness in the bond between Christ and the Church. own animal gratification. and children. Lust restraint needful for a The seeks any other end but ever. pleasure Whatever sensual may be incidental to this love. his wife.
and we rever- enced them: shall we not much more obey the Father of spirits and live? " There olic is a difference of opinion amongst Cath- theologians as to the precise time at which is the soul infused into the newly formed body. including St. whilst others. does His share at the will of the parents. Hence Hebrews can the author of the Epistle to the say: " Moreover we have had fathers of our flesh for instructors. with The God. but not their souls. not until some time after. when the Thomas. that it Some say is at the very moment of con- ception. Parents therefore share the dignity of parenthood. Each soul is specially created by God and infused God into the body at the moment of creation. He has so decreed it as part of His providence. say body has been more perfectly formed. The first opinion is the more common. For all practical purposes in .CHAPTER VIII BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH Church teaches that children receive their bodies from their parents.
prevalent in Nevertheless. life. Then recourse had is to the crime of abortion. Likewise. therefore. Artificial means are adopted is in order to prevent conception which are not always successful. Parents speak of it as if it were an ordinary way of being rid of an unpleasant inconvenience. either directly or The child is first duty of parents towards the unborn its to recognize the sacredness of life. for whether the soul comes at the moment of conception or later. receive one. If the it is new being has not got an nevertheless ordained by intel- lectual soul. either directly or by anticipation. Let . Happily the idea has not become Catholic families. the Church regards the new and independent life as existing from conception. good done to new life is good done to a human by anticipation. Catholics need to be on their guard against the materialistic doctrine and its consequences.96 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD it regard to marriage may be more profitably followed. is is And the sad thing that the opinion life spreading that such a destruction of child not a crime. which is God to may be on a on the new being all harm the inflicted human being. One of the commonest features of race suicide is which prevails to-day. the destruction of the unborn child. inflicted All harm.
the child unborn has the right to every it shall not be hurt What constitutes dangerous occupations or amusements must be decided doctor insisted in individual cases by the family or an experienced is mother. True it has not received Baptism and is incapable for the time being of receiving the cov- enanted grace consequent on Baptism. But there can be no doubt that the heart and mind of the parents do exercise an influence. by accident. still Perhaps more important is the influence which parents exert on the soul of the unborn child. The supernatural grace will it be all the more fruitful if falls upon well pre- pared natural ground. for good or for evil. Perhaps it may be only in the natural order. But even so this natural foundation is a preparation for the supernatural grace of Baptism. If anything. on account of its inability to protect itself. is What is on here that there a moral obligation on the part of the parents to do nothing which will directly injure the third person concerned. on the unborn child. Again.BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH the truth be said plainly: All attempts to kill 97 the unborn child are attempts care that to commit murder. the child has an especial right to protection. The science of education tends to throw back the time at which the formation of the child 7 mind .
At the time of the exercise of the marriage act. bearing. or unhappy. And so on the important day was pushed back. Doubtless there is some exaggeration enough truth in them to show that the parents. for the highest classes in our schools. do exercise an enormous influence on the children in these sayings. during the time of childis a likelihood of the child being if tiresome. The same advice holds good. With regard to the mother. both parents should be quite free from any effects of drink. yet there is before they are born. it were better that she should be a total abstainer. there If the mind and heart also remother is cross. And conversely. for the period following on the birth of the child. or depressed. and now there are educationists who say that a child's training begins forty years before it is born. and chiefly the mother. The use of alcohol by the parents is proved to predispose the child to alcohol. the mother is happy . and particularly during the whole period of child-bearing. Then it was seen that the lower classes were of equal importance. too.98 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Formerly the best teachers were reserved begins. Only by medical advice is it wise to take any alcoholic stimulant whatever. The dispositions of produce themselves.
The coming of a child duty may be The opposite vice means extra expense. the better for himself and It is not his duty merely. If he is careless about his home. . of the burden. and the sooner the man settles his mind to this. He can do nothing better to make himself worthy of that honor. and re-act upon his child. and make himself a model husband and father. it is his privilege.BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH and contented. He has been warned sufficient it. The pathy. He. shares the honors of parenthood with God. will 99 probably be good and But whence comes this happy disposition in the mother? Almost entirely from the kindness and love of the husband. the child easy to nurse. and he has received a least for the sake of his wife measure of grace to enable him to bear At and child he will cor- respond with that grace. Hence the duty lies with the husband of taking the burden of marriage in the truly Catholic spirit. symmay likewise be named one word. his whole household. or shows any marked tic distaste for the domes- inconveniences consequent upon the arrival of the new-born. than by helping his helpmate to the full extent of his capacity. in summed up in one word. niggardliness. his disposition will act upon his wife. together with his wife.
" by Prof. There are some doctors with materialistic views. M. Owing to the strictness of the Church tice in forbidding certain operations. who advise operations which arc forbidden by the Church. which cannot be born in the ordinary way. the prac- of midwifery in Italy has made enormous progress. Sanford. Joseph F. But dangers may happen which involve moral those principles principles. about the possible dangers which it is may Indeed. M. both of mothers and of babes." by A. The Cesarean operation. is taken from the abdo' A full treatment of this and similar questions is found in the to following books. E.loo MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD not necessary for the future mother to all It is know arise. Now in order that the Catholic mother it is may act according to well that she should be guided by a Catholic doctor. knowing that they were forbidden to do these things.^ and not only advise them in extreme cases but also in unnecessary cases. and thus.D. that by which the child. . thanks to the decrees of the Church. have been saved from destruction. some operations are both lawful and praiseworthy. thought out ways of avoiding them. The doctors. both published by Mr. Treub.. D. and Life of the Wagner: " Pas- "The Right Unborn ChUd. better that her mind should be occupied rather with the healthy and spiritual aspect of the situation. toral Medicine. On the other hand. hundreds of lives.
for is of priceless value. this idea. the truth must not be it If the soul there. Many Still is people feel a repug- nance to shirked. it is one such. the child tailed examination. it must have every chance of salvation. no Baptism may take place. Let the ceremony be per- formed its as quickly as possible. The question as is when may or ought to be performed a com- plicated one lic. The covering then broken so that . yea. or the nurse. When. the embryo with it covering. will take the whole being. consultation with one's spiritual director advisable. yet capable of living only for a few moments. alive. it may be alive. is The distinct doctrine that the child a separate and human being. The Sacra- ment administered conditionally. implies a grave responsibility in the cases of miscarriage. On the one may be dead. is and hardly concerns the general pubit is raised by a doctor. On the other hand. If this is certain.BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH men to loi of the mother. however. and put in a basin is of clean luke- warm water. The time is too precious for dehand. The doctor. Catha olic or non-Catholic. There to is no need for a particular examination as is whether the child is alive or not. if If the it embryo which comes away is only live for a few moments. from the moment of concep- tion. it has a right to Baptism.
there is danger of death to the mother of during childbirth. This danger is present in all cases where operations are needed. and not men for the Sacraments." When there is danger of death of the child it during the process of being born tized conditionally. must be bap(steril- Either the nurse or the phy- but not the priest. It is much better to run the risk of administering the Sacraments unnecessary. that the Sacraments are for the sake of men. however. though be only the hand. I baptize thee in the name of the Father. saying at the same time the words with the condition above stated. and of the Holy Ghost. Where raments.102 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD The embryo should then be the liquid within flows out whilst clean water flows in. The principle wants emphasizing. and of the Son. known to the members of the medical and so the doctor must be the guide. may be well at this point to call attention to is the special blessing which the Church ready to . moved about in the water whilst the person performing the ceremony says these words " If thou canst be bap: tized. than to run the risk when of missing them when It necessary. she should receive the last Sac- The conditions danger are well profession. must pour water ized) on such part of the child as it is apparent. sician.
this should be taken to church for eight days. She has the tenderest care for the safety of body. then the priest is to be sent for. 103 She implores the Creator of tiful figure all things. As long as it remains unbaptized it is some extent under the power of Satan.BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH give in the case of dangerous childbirth. When. by the obstetric hand of Thy mercy. a child has been birth. The churching of women is an act of thanksgiven by the giving to God But is for having been brought through a It is also a blessing it is difficult crisis. and all unnecessary delay on the part of the parents is to a grave injustice to the child. but this safety of body must be directed to the safety of the spirit. " the sacrifice of a broken heart Thy servant so that." she says. If the child strong and healthy. and likely to take harm from the weather. under the beau- of supreme doctor and nurse. There a widespread impression that bad luck . not a Sacrament. her offspring may come safely to light. " Accept. If the child is purpose within weak. is therefore." Here again the Church has foremost in her mind the higher welfare of the child. Church. of and be preserved for holy regeneration. the brought to a happy and successful of its duty parents to see that is it is baptized as soon it as possible.
The make Church. does not binding under suffering busi- pain of mortal sin. time after childbirth. on the other hand. whilst that of of no obligation what- There can be no It is comparison between the two. but nothing more than a custom. then the Church does not exact this duty under any pain whatever. If the mother be from bad health. Baptism is. she obtains a blessing for her- and her family. in it inter- preting this law. the mother must see of good health and morals. going out for the tunity of being churched. does not take the oppor- So ingrained is this idea that far many women look upon is churching as of more importance than Baptism. Now the ceremony of churching ever. for the ceremony.104 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD first comes to the woman who. a praise- worthy custom to to go to church and render thanks God as soon as possible. Provided the woman does not stay away out of contempt commits no self sin. she If. But wherever a nurse that she is is called in. but merely for considerations of health and convenience. this liberty Whilst allowing of substitute. of nature demands that mothers should The law suckle their own children. the as the Church points to the law of nature more . or if she have to attend to ness or other grave duty. she goes as soon as she can.
nurse. The poor child.BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH perfect ideal. the tant consciousness has never This ideal is real- Mother of God. but on every other that pertains to the care of the child. The Protes- become reconciled to and consequently has never learnt the lesson which it teaches to the whole Catholic motherhood. object of a mother's tender nursing. born or unborn. and as tending 105 more to the welfare of the child and the happiness of the family. When the eternal God took flesh in the womb of the Virgin. ized in Mary. all who is taken away from her own has the dignity and feelings of richest motherhood equally with the the land. woman in Not on this point only. and . the mother's mind is raised and her heart en- kindled by the Catholic ideal. be their glory to set the example to their poorer sisters. burden of her should rather so should not be beneath the dignity of It the dames of a worldly society. it she ennobles the law of nature by setting before whose Child was said: "Blessed is the womb that bore thee and the breasts that gave thee suck. and deigned to be the the title. the world that type of mother of Nay. care. is simply un- And it if it were not beneath the dignity full of such a mother to accept the office." Any suggestion of substitution in this case thinkable.
real perfect flesh tal to the A Mother of forming of the Incarnate Christ. " But. Oh. rise. age. every day that goes Before the gazer." . they are to be instrumental to the forming of the Mystic Christ. est and blood was given to the mothers of the world to show them the glory of their state. best memory of Blest dream of youth : . if show not the rose. What Nor The matter. sainted love oh. She was instrumengrace.io6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD then was motherhood raised to its highgrade of splendor and magnificence. look divine is nor queenly grace? mother's glory lights the homely face. then was the law of nature made perfect by the law of affection. new Madonnas the cheek there. heaven lighted eyes. precious sacrifice Oh.
neither giving nor taking in marriage. and must perseexhausted. in Adam alone was lonely.CHAPTER IX THE BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN When man in and woman were first joined together holy matrimony. and lonely more senses than one. until we are safe in heaven. not merely. for the sake She was of companionship. first and most peremptory And is being such a fundamental law it has persevered until now. but also for the benefit of the race of which he was to be the father. until there is vere until this world no more use where we for the law. him for the procreaShe was to be his his help in the life help in domestic and also of the race. however. to be the co-principle with tion of the great human life family. a divine command was given unto them to increase and multiply and to replenish the earth. . This was one of the laws of nature. The whole earth was to be replen- ished by their offspring. Eve was given him to be his companion. shall be as the angels.
the procreation of children both for this world and for the next." . therefore. as a sign of God's when the contract of marriage was raised by Christ to the dignity of a Sacrament. this same end of marriage remained procreation of children. through child-bearing. Throughout the Jew- we find that fruitful- ness in child-bearing was ever regarded as a sign of divine predilection. The many mother who had done her duty fulfilled in this matter had her highest destiny. by bringing them to their final salvation through her good example and zeal for Christian education. the it but at the same time was raised to a higher plane. therefore.io8 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD in the This natural law. a reflection of the divine The Mind. she had saved her own children into the world. Further. but The new sanctions. moreover. And as fruitfulness was dis- looked upon as a special sign of God's favor. as the chief. " She shall if be saved. she shall persevere in faith and love and holiness and sobriety. do not alter. however. ish dispensation. has natural law is mean- time been fortified by additional sanctions. emphasize the original law. By bringing them into the Church through Baptism. so was barrenness looked upon pleasure or forgetfulness. by bringing soul. as a fulfilment of God's promises of prosperity.
and because they are brothers and sisters to each other. No matter how many children a mother may have. a blessing to the family. cise children are a blessing to the family. is intertwined supernatural hope. she could not make the choice. MANY CHILDREN is 109 Seeing then that this frultfulness will. result of This may be the merely natural affection. the more difficult it is to distinguish any one of them.BLESSINGS OF to God's blessing. then . because they are her own. her love for any one of them is not thereby diminished. The mother of the Machasupernatural love. it according must be rewarded with God's it is first And. of children toward parents. and the family love more keen and more satisfying. the greater number of the threads. indeed. chil- family affection. they provide the opportunity for the exer- of one of the strongest instincts of nature. The family love the is so woven and interwoven. They are each dear to her. is When. because they are the children of her husband. tually a blessing to and even- heaven itself. that. but rather increased. Many First. and the family bond made indefinitely stronger. with supernatural the family love faith. If she had to part with any one of them. however. the love of parents toward dren. secondly a blessing to the State. of children toward each other.
a question as to anxieties it is whether she sibly. He is only a weakling. In the case of the father. yet her supernatural joy must have surpassed it in intensity and have produced in her maternal heart a satisfaction far exceeding the natural void caused by her bereavement. And although her natural sorrow must have been one of the most poignant ever suffered by mother on account of children. manly fore. there- wanting stamina of a burden. is a question as to whether he will face the task of working and saving for the means of bringing up a large family. a large family is a means of developchilit ing character. manhood and wanting in the Christian. less. He He certainly needs certainly needs the help of Sacraments and other religious ordinances. will face the illness and the all. But these are the very warp and woof of character.no MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD bees did not love her children ably more. and pos- which Is the greatest trial of displeasure . self-denial and self-restraint. Secondly. but indescribsac- when she had to lead them to be rificed for the sake of God's cause. who shirks the duties of in fatherhood merely because they involve a heavier In the case of the mother. both in the parents and in the dren. incident to a large family of children. He certainly needs courage.
since she sterner. It is by her instinctive tact is and endur- ing patience that the family held together. it must be an reling for it. velops her gentler. burden of motherhood then attractions of the trates her attention against flimsy It concen- world of pleasure. if she is is so unfortunate as to have a difficult. therefore." And it is the glory of some wives that they know how to " manage " their husbands how to get what they want without crying or quarSurely. Now over. is de- womanhood. There are few husbands who do not need some " managing. on the family. the of the as contrasted to sex. is It gives her an interest than which nothing more absorbing it and satisfying outside heaven. her numerous anxieties will develop in her the quality of gentleness. In a word.BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN acts m The and neglect on the part of her husband. do all this. It is the mother of the family who has to adjusted. to be able to rule by tact and by persuasion. And. The . husband who then it unkind or neglectful or will bring out her characteristic of tact. accomplishment worth cultivating. a large family implies many relations to be many misunderstandings to be smoothed many arrangements for the mutual welfare of all. Further. rather than by force or harshness.
tion as she has the greater And the greater will be her accomplishment in propor- number of it children to care for. better of a family of fourteen? Why. The even their faults osity. the Who has not observed the ugly consciousness. pride.112 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD is more accomplished she in this office. or. a large family is means of strengthen- . that it must have grown into a fixed habit by the time they come to separate and go their way in life apart. while the girls have had their girlishness toned up by the strong influence a of the boys. and their sins are due to excess of generIt. the miserable two who have had no other compan- ions but each other during the years when the foun- dation of their character was laid? And who has not seen the beautiful unselfishness and generosity of the children of a family of seven. Thirdly. the brighter does she shine as an example of motherhood. The boys have had their boyishness toned down by the gentle influence of the girls. In the case of the children generosity or selfishness. still. is a question of Who has not looked only one of self- with dismay on the spoilt the family? child. rather than to defect in principle of give and take has been so often demanded of them and so often exercised. and vanity of two children.
to support. But where or eight the burden is divided. law of nature and the law of God that children should support their parents In sick- ness and old age. and none the less does there reflect the both the mind of God. and these have wives and families of their own is little oppor- tunity of supporting aged parents. It is. then the aged couple have some hope of ending their days in reasonable and frugal comfort. even as does the organization it of the physical universe. When. Drones are a nuisance in . from motives of economHis view must be a broad one. leave no we must remember that in most counis tries the provision of free education such as to room whatever for the excuse of economy. The law of nature pervades the organiit zation of society. therefore. to leave his and two children enough Inheritance to save them from the necessity of working for a living.8 chil- dren and to society. If the father has the pretension to go further.BLESSINGS OF the family. Again. then he is doing an injustice both to his . there there is only one child or two. however. however. among say seven families. MANY CHILDREN a worldly point of his 113 ing both the temporal and the eternal interests of Even from view a father is working against own interests in set- ting limits to his family ical selfishness.
The world so wide. the each other in time many are a help to of difficulty. each knowing that he or she may likewise depend on the others whenever the hour of distress shall same time. and a mother been . too. In all stages of society the is work of bringing up a family of children to the father a burden both however. his low down in brothers and sisters are there to help him. they have not got the grit in them to make them attractive to others. and the only girl rather who fails to secure a husband or a vocation. as to leave practically difference in the difficulty of finding situations for and that of finding situations for two. which if and to the mother. later in life. Owing to the absence of fraternal influence and education. by their larger number. It is a burden. They do not all at the meet with adversity health. This mutual support extends also to the sphere of faith and morality.114 every MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD line. business or low down in If one is overtake them. is followed by a handsome reward must is only it is generously accepted. Nay. trades and profeslittle sions are so manifold. eight Then again. profit The children. if we look around we shall find that it is the only boy rather who fails to make a good beginning. How often has not a father been kept to his religion.
and act effec- supplementary one. When the abuses of family life were first prop- agated. must produce an it is effect on the life is of the State. Human nature being what it such a motive can hardly be expected to work as the pre- dominant one. and evenhave been brought back is tually through the children again to God. however. likewise a blessing to the A man has reached a if high state of natural inter- virtue ests he can be so unselfish as to take the of the State as a motive for his own is. If fruitfulness in child-bearing a bless- ing to the family. act. The its life family being the foundation of the State. they were propagated ostensibly with a view to promoting the nation's welfare. and no one can tell the multitudinous ways and times and places in which the a of the Holy Holy Spirit uses this instrument. It is an instrument Spirit. too. have often I insisted on their children being taught religion and in a brought up good moral atmosphere. tively. which goes a long way in the formation of public opinion which reacts on private opinion. It is a motive. The .BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN 115 saved from temptation. State. as a It can. right conduct. by the thought of the children It is curious how parents who have given up the practice of religion themselves. as such is Holy marriage a Sacrament and means of grace.
this in the case to counteract the growing practice. It weakens its power of production. to the evil. it weakens its power of defense. and Germany is wide awake movement has been set on foot Otherwise of war. for such must come from a principle which .ii6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD country was said to be overpopulated. have discovered that abuse is a canker eating away the vitals of the nation. it weakens its power of intelligence and morality. This a last year her death rate ex- ceeded her birth rate. The nations. with no pretensions to selves to submit to these abuses to their high morals or a godly this life. and these abuses were introduced to reduce the population. which have allowed them- have found out heavy cost the great mistake which they have made. and emphasizes the fact that the evil is a curse to any nation. prepared for emergencies would be her weakest point. however. it weakens the very life blood of the limited offspring which actually offspring is born. France stands out pre-eminently as the worst sinner of all. tells of the prevalence of the evil. England has to lament her decadence due to practices introduced from France. And in America the sermon preached by President Roosevelt on the burden and duties of the married state. Statesmen.
The mutual Trinity is happiness of the persons of the blessed for the intrinsic glory of all sufficient God. souls that are added to the number so much the richer is the music of hymn of praise. The Christian family. He has created creatures to give Him honor and praise. It adds nothing to God's internal happiness. God. It was made for the glory of God. The the number of elect.BLESSINGS OF is MANY CHILDREN 117 already marked by weakness. possible to avail themselves of In this way He greater obtains His greatest external glory. therefore. ing tells Fruitfulness in child-bear- eventually for the greater glory of God. Her of the nature's priests are bound to undergo the gravest incon- veniences. but is rather the expression and diffusion of God's love and goodness outside Himself. and decadence. its final for the State as for was not made destiny. in order that they may apply the bap- . He wishes as many as it. has chosen to surround Himself with an extrinsic glory. piness for God. And the greatest honor and praise of this kind which can be given Him is that of man. having provided this great hapHis creatures. however. softness. That this is the mind of the Church may be seen from the enormous care which she takes for the happiness of infants. however.
Some apology which is is needed for even venturing to is speak of the abuse of matrimony. they contribute to the greater glory of God. But letting nature have its way. but which we must do our spiritual efforts. they contribute to their own eternal welfare. tismal water to any child in urgent need of Why is this ? It is because Christ has died for and It is purchased these children. for since they have wilfully lessened the number of subjects of faith and love and holiness. which reacts on the parents. presuming or all rather knowing that to do so will require our To work the hinder the course of nature. A diminution of is number in the children of the Church a dimi- nution of the Church's collective faith. It is a diminution. It is to pull is to interfere with God's plans. they have wilfully lessened their own They have lessened faith and love and holiness. in the down His His Church militant. make up. a number which we cannot best to count. great because God has chosen for Himself a number of elect souls. the chances of their own salvation. . and love.ii8 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD it. and holiness. and the apology offered the only permissible one. and to lessen glory in the Church triumphant. too. they contribute to the collective eternal welfare of the race. therefore.
to propagate Books are published. must be counteracted. that all every Catholic should set his face against approval or toleration of the abuse. absolute necessity. And.BLESSINGS OF and growing. clearly before one's when questions conThe first Is to keep fact that the law of nature. Seeing then the high ideal of matrimony which the Catholic Church sets before the world. is still widespread it If it is to be counteracted. Non-Catholics now speak openly and without any sense of shame of their small families and of their Intention of having only small families. Advertisements of the most pernicious nature are flaunted openly in the news- papers. therefore. she must of necessity look with special horror on an abuse which does away with the primary end for which matrimony was Instituted. the aim of which is and to make the evil as easily acceS" sible as possible. the law of God. and the law of the Church mind the . MANY CHILDREN The evil is 119 namely. A which few practical suggestions then are offered may serve to indicate the attitude which Catholics ought to assume cerning this matter arise. Therefore It Is that her preachers have to speak out when they It is would fain keep silence. both by the private good living of 'individuals and by the formation of a good public opinion.
. But natural motives alone State A premium provided by the Christian principles must be . strictly it is only that they supernatural ones and that they may be added to the may be and thus become directed to a supernatural end. themselves supernaturalized. books. A third is to boycott all newspapers. A second is to protest vigor- ously against any opinions approving of such when proposed in conversation. which make in a trade in providing the means for the per- nicious practice. And if natural motives are offered and used. for every seventh child will not hinder the decrease of population. made the foundation of society life life that is. and business houses. will not suffice. Natural as well as supernatural motives have been proposed in this consideration. Natural motives as well as supernatural motives may be used for this end. A fourth is to take a holy pride a large family of well-brought-up Catholic children. the family must be governed by Catholic faith and Cath- olic morality.I20 all MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD wilful interference with the due condemn any course of nature.
Of education I shall speak in a special chapter. The love which ought to exist between parents and children is founded on the fact of generation. exist between earthly parents and . whilst the children owe their parents love. and so forth is visualized for us in the invocation of the prayer of Christ: "Our Father who art in heaven. reverence. preservation.CHAPTER X BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN Since children have ing a to remain with their parents for such a long time between being born and mak- home for themselves the mutual duties should be clearly defined. together with all beautiful implica- tions of redemption. The and creature. relationship between Creator its That act is the earthly analogy of the divine act of creation. And the Church has defined Speaking generally. the parents owe their children love and education. and obedience." This is the archtype of the relationship which should their children. them. providence.
" Go and see what Willie is doing and tell him he must n't. But this superiority does not. . as many of them seem first to suppose. as God should be dearer to them. then the is duty of earthly parents to their offspring that of love. offences against it are Parents. In so far as the children are made to feel this. Their children are such.122 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD chil- Parents are certainly superiors over their dren. and. out of consideration for their souls as well as the souls of their children own will be ever on their guard against ang-er and loss of temper. give them a right to treat their children harshly attribute of the heavenly Father is and inconsiderately. Again they will avoid the habit of always finding fault. and prepare for by prayer and the Sacraments. then." The habit tends only to lessen the authority of. This is difficult for mothers with large All the more reason why they should it recognize the fact. Consequently. and respect and love due to parents. families. The habit of mind by which parents love their children constitutes the special virtue of pietas or dutifulness. If the towards His first earthly children that of love. nothing under flesh from their flesh. so much more will they be able to appreciate the ten- derness of the Fatherhood of God. sins.
they will be careful not to by giving them is all they ask for. the parents will next attend to the corre- sponding virtues in the children. Nay. and the blame will parents. of less importance than duties toward God. a sin against the virtue of Above ism. girls would be too much to expect absolute A mother who has had seven and then one boy would naturally give the preferences. because we owe to Him more than to a parent. of course. we owe to Him the very fact that we have parents. So long as one is is made to feel that he or she not in the same favor as the others. tance to the corresponding duties.PARENTS AND CHILDREN On spoil the children 123 the other hand. God's rights come before a parent's rights. Duties toward parents are. for God was . boy little But preferences ought to in the family be only such as the other children would willingly approve of. he or she will ever be the cause of disturbance. It all things. lie chiefly with the family Having first paid regard to their own virtues. but on the other hand they are of duties more importance than It is the title under which rights are held that gives the relative impor- toward one's neighbor. they will not show favorit- equality in all cases. Such indulgence dutifulness.
ruler of the world Just as God is supreme and has a right to enact an abso- lute obedience. this Some animals will suffer death If. The the parent for the offspring.124 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD in the under no obligation to create our ancestors first instance. who endowed with a free . Under is this then. God is infinitely higher than men in dignity and so and re- requires a supreme reverence. so parents are relatively higher than their children in dignity quire a relative reverence. so our parents are our progenitors and demand our love. to be true in is so in the lower creation. is evident through the whole of animal creation. our possessions. and of the offspring for the parent. rights. so the parents are the rulers of the family. Just as reverence. have a right to exact obedi- ence from the children. and obedience. therefore. and thus. our parents have a right to our love. it how is much more ought raised so much higher and man. within the sphere of things per- taining to the family. because our parents gave us our very all the dearest of title. rather than give up is or neglect their young. A parent's rights come before a neighbor's life. The love due to parents is one of the primary sensible affection of instincts of our nature. God our CreJust as ator and demands our love.
And life. obligation." Likewise the holy Tobias when. being about to die. he spoke thus to his son: "When God my shall take shalt my soul thou shalt bury all body: and thou honor thy mother the days of her life: For thou must be mindful what and how great perils she suffered for thee in her womb. offering to Ecclesiasticus. He is able to know. Reflecting on these things the grave obligation. preaches both the natural and the divine law when he says: " Honor thy father and forget not the groanings of thy mother: Remember : that thou hadst not been born but through them a return to and make them as they have done for thee. until he should come to an age when he can look after himself. when she shall have ended the time of her bury her by me. By this reason he is able to reflect on the infinite difference between being nothing and being something.PARENTS AND CHILDREN and intelligent will. what cares and responsibilities his parents have undertaken bringing him into the world and tending him. fect love 125 by which to enjoy a more per- and affection. God Himself sanc- commandment with a special promise . and in in some imperfect way to realize. there- fore. moreover an honorable and beautiful is at once apparent of making a willing his parents of a great love." tioned this Indeed.
" Honor thy father and thy mother that thou mayst be long-lived upon the land which the Lord thy We God will give thee. If once the real motive of filial love be grasped and the consequent heartfelt affec- tion be excited. It be that heartfelt love. all his actions. plaints of parents neglected in sickness and old age.126 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD it of material prosperity. controlled and directed by the will. however natural. there will be no need of forced outward deference. There will be no more black looks or harsh words no more unseemly quarrels and aggravations. which even in times of an- noyance and dissatisfaction must be observed. " Of what an evil is frame is he that forsaketh that angereth his father: and he cursed of God his mother." may see more clearly now what kind of It love that of children to parents must be. raised and spiritualized by grace. which is human affection ap- prehended by the reason. more. and caused to be known ever afterward as the commandment of promise." Nay. no more comfruits in external life . must must not be one merely of external deference. and pleasant they . or rather supernaturally for with a person whose heart is right. Thus cultivated it will of necessity bring forth and conduct. easy. All will flow naturally.
This duty. cannot exist merely as an external show." him into the From the inward habit of mind and affec- tion there will flow forth the external reverence of words and deeds. not the reverence is it due from an equal to an equal. that a in- parent does things which tend to disturb that ward reverence. It cannot exist from any purely philo- sophical motive. The habit of mind must be cultivated of regarding parents as representative in some way of the superiority of God. Unless there is an inward ac- knowledgment to one's self of the parent's superiority under God. of a slave to a master. It may happen. his parents " He that fearwill serve eth the Lord honoreth and them as his masters. it often does happen. The superiority of parents involves reverence It is on the part of children. The reverential fear of God is the root motive of filial reverence of parents. we are con- . Here. there cannot be true filial reverence.PARENTS AND CHILDREN are. therefore. 127 are spiritualized and clothed with divine charity. nor yet that But it is that special kind of affectionate regard which reverence. however. It is It is known as filial begotten only by a certain attitude of mind. must have its foundation laid in the heart and mind. that brought world.
kind and affectionate. " Honor thy father in work and word and all pa- . and the effect of this inward patience will make itself felt in the parent and thus be the means. The exercise of control over our outward actions will strengthen our inward patience. perhaps. and particu- cemed with larly with the duty of reverence on occasions when the parent has failed in his or her duty. is The child never justified in offering to a parent irrever- ence. of making him reflect on his duty. Then this outward behavior will react on the inward soul and will tend to fasten the due inward reverence. undo Of course. And no amount their part can of subsequent neglect of duty on this fact. To attempt to justify such conduct on the grounds that the parent has forfeited the reverence due to him is to have missed the chief mean- ing of reverence to parents. feelings are not always under our control. our in- ward Still. tion reason of our reverence ithey are our parents is and that under God they are bur superiors. Doubtless those qualities ido impose an extra claim on us.128 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD the duties of children. in such circumstances we can and ought to maintain at least an outward reverence of word and deed. i We do not owe them good and But the foundathe bare fact that this reverence simply because they are .
PARENTS AND CHILDREN tience. existence of a State The very dependent on the due obis servance of its laws. a blessing 129 him. So also the very existence of family life dependent on the due respect for parental authority. and if they are bound to observe the by-laws of their community. Paul. and his blessing end. Filial and anarchy in the obedience. is an exigency " Chil- of the law of nature. yet at the same time they must be firm in Lord." maintaining their rights and insisting on parental 9 . Anarchy in the family tends to anarchy in the community. " obey your parents in the Nay. its obedience of children toward parents has reason in the idea of family government." says St. is The community and of bound to obey the laws of the country in which they live. the parents have a sanction given them to enforce obedience if need be. the State. men are the commands of parents is in all matters pertaining to the well-being of the household. They must avoid arbitrary and harsh treatment." may come upon may remain in thee from the latter We The family come next to the question of obedience. dren. much more are they bound to attend to the foundation of the If. therefore. that. State. for this is just. It is an exigency also of the divine law. therefore.
And you. on are fitting companions." Therefore that St. before But first let us be clear as to the extent we speak about the the limits. obey in all things : your parents for this is well pleasing to the Lord. there are limits which it is well to know. they have the right and the duty of looking after the spiritual welfare of the children. entitled to say Consequently. whether it is good to go to this dance or to that theatre.I30 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD " authority. cipline it is but bring them up in the disand correction of the Lord. they are what are permissible amusements. and therefore they have the right and duty of demanding obedience in behavior about the house. Sec- ondly. the hours of the meals. the children may ask: "Is there no limit to this parental authority? Surely the time must come when I must think and act for myself! " Yes. Paul says again: "Children. provoke not your children to anger. Thirdly. The children have not the right to choose the kind of house. the quality of the food. Further. First. the parents have charge of the children's manners and education. who account of this spiritual oversight they have a right to warn the children when the time draws near . fathers. it is man- ifest that parents have supreme authority in the management of household." Perhaps. however.
Again.PARENTS AND CHILDREN for the Sacraments. in the exercise of it. any of their work of commandments are manifestly contrary to the law of God. battle of life in temporal matters. or 131 when there is any other it religious duty to be performed. of careful attendance at the school chosen. But notice that this is when is the thing commanded If there is is manifestly against the law of God. easily wayward it persuade itself that child might was following out . In such cases it is not only lawful but of obligation to lay aside the parent. of availing themselves of the all the opportunities for improvement of mind and body which a consider the limits of parental thoughtful parent has afforded. there is a corresponding duty on the part of the children of corresponding with the means pro- vided. are only supposed to be carrying out the God. but rather obedience to a higher law. any doubt the presumption for a always in favor of the parent. therefore. this authority: First let us recall the root principle of the parents. If. then the parents have gone beyond the limits of their jurisdiction. Now we may authority. command is of the Such a course of action only allowable not disobedi- ence. is the right and duty of the parents to see to the proper fitting education of their children in them for the Consequently.
therefore. If called to any given state of then is wrong for the parent to interfere with that call. life. known by certain signs which are recognized by the Church. or to become a priest or a religious ? We are tion. and in setting aside the com- mand of the parent who interferes with the call of God. but there conscience. . God's out its while it was in reality only following is own perverse will. here dealing with what a vocation is is called a vocaIt is Now a call from God. The Is question concerns the choice of a state of life. then clearly the child perfectly justified in obey- ing the call of God.132 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD will. is need to guard against a false and the only practical rule is to obey the parent in case of doubt. present. and with which spiritual directors are well acquainted. Conscience certainly supreme. the child bound to obey its parents in choosing whether to get married. Among rights of the several kinds of cases in which the rights of parents. and concerning which the Church has made definite arrangements. the child it And is the principle works both ways. there are two which are constantly arising. the and the rights of children seem to clash. those signs are is the vocation is sufficiently manifest. God. if If.
the Our Lord indeed rebuked under the pretense of Pharisees. Each virtue is limited by circumstances. To is ignore the wishes of parents in such a matter no dishonor to them. God's call goes before the wishes of a parent. or religion. 133 on the other hand. because honoring religion they taught the honor due to parents. Thus the virtue of dutifulness to parents is limited by the virtue of religion. then wrong for the parent urge the child. It can be no honor. therefore. whenever the service of vice of it comes to a choice between man and the service of God. or the priesthood. Hence those plain : " He that loveth father and words of Christ mother more than me is not worthy of me and he : that loveth son or daughter more than me is not . Whether the case be one of entering upon matrimony.PARENTS AND CHILDREN If. to a parent to render him obedience when obedience to God demands some ored are quite contrary action. men to withdraw The virtues by which God is honored and by which parents are hondistinct from each other. the serGod must prevail. to enter that state. or the worship of God. Thus. either directly or indirectly. Virtue carried beyond this limit is no longer a virtue but a vice. the child it is is not called to to a given state. but they are not at variance.
worthy of me. namely: constant for the order as to health. and they two shall be On when vail. fitness There are four tion. acceptIf. chief signs of a religious vocadesire. and character. ability. God not wish children to leave their parents in such plight. he must leave his parent in destitu- . The highest life home and take poor. ance by the order. there are circumstances to pre- the claims of the parents It is would seem not so in reality." mother. candidate for religious life therefore. for in these circum- stances the call of God is not manifest. the other hand. and shall cleave to his wife. to stay at care of the parent who may be or aged. the absence of any obligation of supporting parents in need. though state. It is when does the parents are so very poor that they cannot live without the support of their children.134 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD These words apply more particthe priestly and religious states. under the pretense of leading a higher in such circumstances is life. in order to enter religion." ularly to there is an equally strong sanction as regards the Christ Himself said: " matrimonial ginning said : Have ye not read that he who made man from the be- made them male and female? And he For this cause shall a man leave father and one flesh. the found that. sick.
and obedience which children owe to their parents. that 135 vocation. to parents would be to turn Hence the duty clash. for and the duty to God cannot the limits of the one are outside the limits of the other. contrary to the wishes of is parents. To act thus the virtue of religion into a vice. if become a nun. God could not possibly be honored by the entrance of one into religion under such circumstances. knows the disasters that are in store. then the practical thing to do to consult one's spiritual director.PARENTS AND CHILDREN tion. reverence. The is priest God's servant through whose ministry God's graces are con- veyed to the therefore in soul. or to priest. would be a clear sign that he had no That one fact would mark the limits of the virtue of religion. and is matters spiritual entitled to the . and obedience due is to spiritual superiors. all He our spiritual father. either for forcing a vocation where there is or for destroying a vocation where there is He knows also the blessings that are in store for the true vocation faithfully followed. there is also a love. reverence. he human none. He is trained in the the- ology of the subject. If in any given case they a child wishes to marry. or a its j or a monk. he knows something of nature. By virtue of this division of labor it comes about that in addition to the love. one. seem to clash.
136 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD And by the same also a claim title obedience of the spiritual children committed to his care. reverence. on their reverence and Sometimes it is necessary for both parents and pastors to get others to help them in their work of is temporal and spiritual education. The is prin- ciple involved is the same. in their own measure a claim on the love. he is On this ac- entitled to his share of love. teacher doing honor- the work'of God. therefore. for the education and improveto his care. The teacher stands in place of the parent or pastor. the master of the apprentice. The have school- master. reverence. True. represented in scholastic This help modern times by a vast system of and collegiate institutions. and obedience. The in child. the schoolmistress. and doing so it does honor to . in its ing jthe teacher thereby acknowledges sion to submis- God. the professor. and obedience of the children committed to their care. It is his duty to recognize in himself an instrument in the hand of God. in equal the love of a parent. too. ment of those committed count. he may The lawfully expect from the child corresponding duties. proportion as the schoolmaster takes upon himself the responsibility of training a child. therefore. of spiritual father- hood he has their love. the love cannot Still. — all these.
In the family. ever been eminent In this virtue. when in he came the to occupy the high post of Lord Chancellor. then. From affec- he showed the tenderest later life tion for them. But from a supernatural point of view the thought is noble In the highest degree. glori- Let us take the Blessed Thomas More as a one of the most beautiful his earliest years traits Dutifulness toward his parents was of his life. spiritual pastors. Then. the story is fondness and reverence for his parents increased rather than diminished. It is well. ests. and temporal masters. we are serving our best inter- for we are thereby doing our best to place ourselves in that adjustment of the universe which God has ordained The saints have ous example. In these days there a strong tendency among men to exaggerate their rights and is to undervalue the rights of their superiors. there opposition to law. 137 for It makes profession of is its right place in the order of the world. And told of .PARENTS AND CHILDREN itself. and in a strong force of the State and in religion. for children to realize early the dignity of dutifulness to parents. From a merely natural point of view such dutiful- ness can only lead to the good of the children. as the most perfect. We own see that in serving our parents and those in authority for the sake of God.
MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
his father held a position in
him how, when
of the lower courts, he used to be seen every morning to go and kneel and ask for the old man's
in this life
forward confidently to the reward which
in the next.
For God has promised and
SEXUAL INSTRUCTION FOR THE YOUNG
asked point blank whether
children should be taught at least the chief facts
of the sexual
from saying, " Yes." All right-minded parents and teachers feel a reticence in speaking to children on a matter which from its very nature is so private. Yet, on
the other hand, nearly everybody's reason declares
that children should have such instruction.
great majority of young girls
who go wrong do
so simply out of ignorance of the tendencies, dangers,
responsibilities of the sexual life.
depravity in boys, too, arises chiefly from the fact
that they acquire their
information from older
boys already depraved.
in the face of this
instinct counsels silence, whilst a universal
reason counsels speech.
be a compromise.
Evidently there must
MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
must be speech, but
The mind and
the senses, the brain and the
nerves, are so related to each other that they act
react on each other.
So intimate and organic
this relationship that conversation
about sexual matters tends to excite the sexual
be justified and done with a right
fraught with certain
tired or the
There can therefore be only one reason for
There can be only one reason for adults discussing sexual topics amongst themselves. There can be only one reason for the writing of this and similar
In 1905 a conference on the subject was held at
almost unanimous vote declared
that the chief laws of sex should be taught to boys
higher classes of secondary schools.
the widest diversity of opinion was expressed as
manner In which the instruction should be given and also as to the extent of the matter nor yet was there any unanimity as to who should give
In Germany experiments have
result has not
have been raised both
as to the informa-
and the way of giving it. Indeed, very little reflection is wanted to show that, in a matter so personal and private, class instruction is not the
that the duty of giving the
tion in these matters belongs to the parents of the
parts of edu-
cation the school
but a supplement to the family.
only supposed to do what
the parents cannot efficiently do themselves.
the parent can teach the laws of sex, and ought
to be able to do so even
Moreover, the teacher has a right
to presuppose such knowledge
the course of
his lessons questions involving sexual laws should
has been frequently said that the mother
should teach the
and the father the boys.
This rule becomes more appropriate as the
dren grow older.
teen and seventeen
Girls between the ages of thir-
would more naturally turn to mother, whilst boys of the same age would
MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
naturally turn to their father.
take this as a healthy instinct and use their judg-
But questions begin to
arise in the child
long before the age of thirteen.
occupied almost entirely with the children durit
ing their earlier years,
her duty rather than
the father's to watch for the signs of awakening
Knowledge should never be thrust the child's mind before it is asked for. The
state of innocence or ignorance,
better kept untouched as long as pos-
can be kept in a state of
innocence, without fear of being smirched by other
and more precocious
up to the age
of thirteen or fourteen, he will be
mind and health of body.
put sexual images into a child's mind before
due time is to start a tendency towards precocity and moral depravity. The arrival of a new baby
best explained by saying that
from God, and has come in God's good way. Together with this protection from the unripe
knowledge there should be a correspondIrritation
ing observance of sex hygiene.
uncleanliness, or to tight
cause undue sexual development and so
become the source of moral difficulty in the future. If any signs of abnormal sexual development
appear a doctor should be consulted.
the taste of alcohol.
ness and impurity.
circumstances whatever should children be allowed
both to drunken-
There comes at length a time when explicit knowledge is in order and must be given. The dawn of a more intelligent interest begins to glimmer. It comes so innocently, so naively, that it is
just as likely to express itself in the presence of
the mother as in the presence of other and older
If, as is
Then, and not
she give the infor-
frequently done, she silences the
question by saying that
one that ought not to
be asked, or
by talking of some-
then she has missed the opportunity
given to her by
interest has not
been crushed, but has even been
will ask the question again,
accentuated and probably directed into a danger-
perhaps when he does get an answer
adorned with the attractions of
him that somehow the
of sex are very wicked, but at the same time very
MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
Nol When the right moment hag arrived, when the mother judges that if she does not speak some one else will, then she must say the word
solemnly and plainly.
fact of sex
thing holy and mysterious.
If the child wants, to
must ask mother and
not other people.
Children grow in the mother's
body and when the time comes they are born.
matter be thus solemnly but openly
much into own inferences, which will be substantially correct. At any rate, they will be enough for the time being. As the child grows older it will want to know more. Here again no exact rule can be laid down. The
treated there will be no need to go too
parents will be guided by their judgment, which
will partake rather of the nature of
details are required so will the
speak to the
and the father
to the boys.
the parents and not to the schoolmaster, nor
belongs the duty of explain-
meant by being born.
sought for, and possessed,
long before the knowledge of
one of the most
things to teach.
Parents are inclined to be too
with the result that children
variably get their
knowledge from undesiris
Let reason, then, decide that the
parents shall Say what
decide that they shall not
say more than
no need, whatever, for a
ticular description of the sexual act.
there need of diagrams and pictures of the
human body. The best way is to begin with the lower forms of life. The description of the fertilization of a plant is most admirable. The plant excites no harmful images in the imagination. The poultry yard, too, may be taken as a convenient object
and poultry are understood, then the parent may go further and say that in the higher animals and in human beings the young are produced in a similar way. The manner of giving this information is more important than the matter. There must, on the one hand, be no tendency to laugh and joke about it, whilst there must, on the other, be no attempt to suppress it as if it were something wicked. The inquiring mind at this stage is alert and receptive. Moreover, it works in harmony with a natural inIf plants
nature it readily makes and draws the necessary
and the girls that of their mother. After the age of thirteen or fourteen the boys will claim more particularly the attention of their father. to keep these conclusions as ideal as possible. Let be said solemnly and plainly that the boy has certain powers given to him by God. so The more more they act on the senses much the likely are they to induce an indulgence of the senses. lent This sin is so preva- afraid of giving the warning too it amongst boys that the father need hardly be soon. He may be told that so long as this does not arise it is from any tampering with himself.146 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD The aim of the parent is conclusions. he will sooner or later ask in anxiety about the relief of nature in the night. Now is the time for explicit teaching on certain welldefined matters. and that if those powers are abused in . father perfectly natural and nothing to be distressed about. and to pre- vent them from becoming topics of conversation and reading. If the boy has been encouraged to look to his in- father rather than to his own playfellows for formation of this kind. and thus lead to acts of impurity. for the purpose of begetting children in lawful marriage. The may also take the occasion to warn him against the sin of self-abuse.
The law of nature toll. is to a supernatural plane. will 147 be damaged for their function Strong motives will be required by the boy to keep him straight. then. have a special malice in them and bring after them a special punishment. dulls the intelligence and weakens the ordained by and that these are the to follow effects God on the violation of His law. and in European . that this a sin against God. As effects the boys get older they may be warned terrible against venereal disease. self-abuse impairs the brain it and shatters the nerves.SEXUAL INSTRUCTION boyhood they in manhood. and The body the temple of the Holy Ghost. but always these nat- ural punishments should be associated with the divine law. that will. therefore. is broken and is nature will exact a heavy But what the law of nature except a reflex of the divine is mind? And what that the retribution of nature except a fulfilment of the divine Will? Tell the boy. sins against the body. spiritualized At this age natural motives are very powerful. and shown to be but a portion of the sins. Tell the boy then. The natural may be pointed out. but they are more powerful is if and raised first. punishment due to such A proposal has been made.
If the boy the warned against if more common sins he will at once recognize heinous ones. would go further and say that books dealing with the extreme forms of sexual perversion should not be read even by adults. And if this is true of it scientific works. the lawyer. This instruction is I hold to be decidedly pernicious. But the ordinary layman can only read them to his own disadvantage. Obviously the doctor. Where there is reason in this matter there Is also grace. unless their profession obliges them to deal with such cases. and the priest should know all about these things. towards their own mother and The habit of mind and heart . the is temptation should Whereas I the idea put into the boy's head unnecessarily. Nay. temptation is put in his way. to young minds concerning the many extreme forms of sexual perversion. if the less common and more arise. how much more all true must be of certain novels and pictures? reading and seeing aster The sure to policy of things is it work dis- on those who adopt without sufficient reason. This will be directed in the first instance sisters.148 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD enlighten countries partly put into practice. Together with reverence for the divine law there should be instilled into boys a profound reverence and respect for womankind.
by explaining to them clearly these circumstances of womanhood. its importance to young There is a bodily virginity is and a spiritual virginity. The mother to the girls. or whose parents are unfitted for the For those who have no parents . Bodily virginity may be lost either. Bodily virginity usually taken to be It is certainly the sign of spiritual virginity. through sin or through ignorance. Mothers therefore can do much both tity. to protect their daughters' chas- and preserve their peace of mind.SEXUAL INSTRUCTION service to 149 thus formed in early youth will be of the utmost associate them when in later years they have to with and move amongst women not of will give corresponding instruction first the family. and as such must be guarded with the utmost care. or through neces- sary surgical operation. or through accident. Our Lady's Virginity may well be taken as an occasion to explain of the nature of virginity and girls. fore Such a misfortune thereit may imply sin or it may not. Directions concerning the signs womanhood must be explicit. And if It does not Imply sin distress may give rise to needless and to scruples. The question has been asked: Who task? is to instruct those children who have no the duty parents. a most important protection of the same.
good relationships have already been established girl will between mother and daughter. there is no need to go streets. for ticipate it is their duty to an- the wrong by giving instruction before wrong has been done. the task may be undertaken by the schoolmaster or the speaking it priest. Again.ISO MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD For those whose devolves upon the guardian. It is not right. confessional he never speaks of it unless he asked or unless he has reason to suppose that there is something wrong. there should be some arrangement between parent and teacher. The living time of going out from is home to earn a an occasion for special warning. into all the details of the It will dangers of the be sufficient to say that grave dangers do exist and that the chief occasion of these dangers is the accepting of If acquaintance with unknown men or women. there- fore. The parent will endeavor to take the the lead either before the child is sent to school or during the holidays. for parents or guardians to relegate instruc- tion to the confessional. With regard to children at boarding schools. then the . But generally In the is is not advisable that children should associate such instruction with the priest. and then communicate with the head teacher accordingly. parents are unfitted.
of tricking young women into houses of tense of finding them situations. 304 Vauxhall Bridge Road. this terrible business It consists ill spread over the world. 47 East 8ist Street (between Park and Madison Avenues). The address for England Is: Hon. and more especially for a she foreign country. therefore. though. fame under preThe two chief means of enticing girls away are chance acquain- tanceships whilst traveling.. she should herself In first put communication with this society. is: The address for the United States Secretary. the mother child of the existence of the may well inform her There Let is it are. believe. Joseph's Home. G. large numbers of its mothers even who do not know of be said here then that all existence. Provision has been made for the protection of Catholic girls by an international Catholic society.SEXUAL INSTRUCTION willingly tell her 151 mother of any new friendship may have made. S. Whenever there is a question of a girl leaving home for a distant town. St. Secretary. I White Slave Traffic. and advertisements in the newspapers. New York City. Whenever. B. a girl thinks of taking a situation away from home. and especially If she be going to a foreign country. . Westminster.
. manhood. used to be thought that any one who knew figures and letters could teach the same to a class of babies. old and is life eternal. but also all about babies. must be skilled in the The young intellect its may first is be made or marred forever. The boy age. The results of child training reach out into youth. What made new known as " method " in education has best development in comparatively recent years. Hence the greatest importance to be attached to the education of children. educationists are realizing ever Thus it is that more and more the rich content of the principle.CHAPTER XII CATHOLIC EDUCATION The is its science of education is still young. But now it has been discovered that the teacher must not only know all about letters and figures. according as ill operations are well or directed. He psychology of the child mind. the father of the man. And one of the chief characteristics of is this science that the best teachers should be apIt pointed to the youngest children.
. not merely the acquisition of knowledge. Mere erudi- tion. It nevertheless continues to work a completely Catholic education for every Catholic child. for its ideal. however. especially competitive examinations. Education. In the field of politics the education of the people plays a very in scarcely important role. habits is The formation of good good education. Catholic education favorite sentiments of the late Cardinal And to as so much concerning life. The necessity of examination. only a small part of education. The formation of bad Education is habits is bad education. And any country of its full the world does the Church have desire in the matter. all pertains to family Catholic parents ought know the leading principles." it If this is true of education in general. is largely responsible for the impression which erudition is Identifies and education." make England That was one of the Manning. The future of the Catholic Church in any country depends on the Catholic education of the children.CATHOLIC EDUCATION will not depart 153 " Train up a child in the way he should go and he from it. is the formation of habits. is eminently true of Catholic education in particular. in the best sense of the word. " Give me the children of England and I will Catholic.
esthetical.154 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD of memory. since the soul. one into way that the natural becomes the other. and moral is faculties. the body also must be so trained as to keep in a healthy condition. in supernatural- . taste. His bodily health. above all. its what is good. must be made ministrant to spiritual life. must be trained to perceive beautiful. what is And. " A sound mind in to do will must be trained a sound body " is an axiom as old as the hills. such a The two merge. is The that is which built built on the natural. inter- nal and external. since man destined to an eternal life and must attain that eternal life all through a life of the spirit in this world. It pertains to the faculty Now. Moreover. must All the powers of the child must be brought out to the highest perfection possible. intellect. depends on the body for its due operation. his habits of memory. Its intellect be trained to perceive the truth. Further. his natural this powers feeling. while in this life. but not only the memory. and will must be so trained and supernatural is directed as to bring forth the best possible fruits in the spiritual Hfe. therefore. is ministrant to the training of the child's intellectual. the memory must be trained. A training in the fundamental laws of hygiene. not that up in mid-air above — separated which from the natural. Its senses.
the training of the natural faculties with a view to their supernatural destiny.CATHOLIC EDUCATION Ized. the psychic 1551 becomes spiritualized. It Being spiritualized by a supernatural gift. merely secular education. only In after years does the child a grievous wrong. on the assumption that Its learn that better in would age of discretion? Yet . own who leaves a child to choose and make its first efforts in spiritsay of a father uality. its A father. nature will not be satisfied and interests. under around nature and spiritualizing with merely natural occupations such circumstances. On is the other hand. What should we who it only it taught his child to walk and did not teach use its to hands. religious called education. It is an education adapted merely to the affairs of this world. If man is destined to an eternal life. of the spirit From the foregoing fact certain principles fol- low which have an important bearing on presentday educational questions. must seek a supernatural end and live a supernatural life. religion. called is secular education. then. then he cannot be satisfied with a If grace is It. without regard to their supernatural destiny. In mod- ern parlance the training of the natural faculties. life It is an education both here and adapted to the hereafter. ever playing then.
useless. ought to be spiritualized by the Catholic of the advantages of secular subjects. Euclid is Again. must. on the other hand Catholic education should avail itself The Catholic religion being the revelation of Truth itself must appeal to the faculty which has truth for its object. the religion of It is the religion which It is marked out above moral goodness. with the best Catholic educa- Again. the better able to appre- hend the divine ists revelation. then proficiency Euclid and Latin composition must be a help giving the boy a grasp of his religion. If. rudi- mentary. He leaves spiritual limbs undeveloped. Being a reasonable religion it must appeal to the reason. the Catho- father does his child a grievous it wrong he does not provide tion possible. Its is what the father does its when he leaves the child to choose own religion. . if. the Catholic religion the highest morality. The more is it the reason is cultivated. therefore. its all others by its fruitfulness in production of saints. as some education- best in in and Latin composition are the means of making a boy think. on the one hand. MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD and something worse. secular education faith. hold.156 that. is since to the Catholic the the divinely appointed is means if by which the lic spiritual life developed. Catholic religion And.
therefore. whether in music. and feeling. It must appeal to the its will as affording the widest' arena for exercise and satisfaction. appeal to that faculty which has goodobject. appeal to the faculty which has beauty for its object. nothing less than the striving for the It perfect imitation of Jesus Christ. may be used for the develdifficult opment of the all finest and most of all arts. truth. Once more. therefore. The much stronger. so fitted is it the more to avail itself of the helps to supernatural action. then. Catholic religion is a beautiful religion. will. is Ability in the arts and sciences supposed to be an occasion of it is. and beauty. painting. as affording it must appeal the strength to arrive at moral perfection. the more perfectly exercised in the natural virtues. Much piety too often do we hear people talk as if and intellectual proficiency were incompatible accomplishments. to the will also. the art which absorbs at once the power of intellect. the esthetic sense. the art which expresses the greatest inspirations of goodness. or literature.CATHOLIC EDUCATION ness for its it 157 therefore. the strength which comes through the grace of the seven Sacraments. All sound train- ing in the fine arts. intellectual pride. the It must. however. affects to So The piety. the art of saintliness. which . a man's will it is is.
The . some important We come now principles in its admin- to consider. the school and the Church.158 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD God is despise these gifts of the occasion of a worse sin. admits of different opinions as to details. all and the statesman. therefore. in the natural for the sake of the supernatural. Certain States. claim this right of possession. cannot be solved off-hand or dogmatically. The Catholic can never admit it. the school and the relationships between the school State. certain leading principles about which the Catholic can have no doubt. how- ever. the parent. have something to say in the matter of the conduct of the Catholic school. the bishop. fulfill its And it if the Catholic school to mission must aim at proficiency in the natural as well as the supernatural. The high aim and nature of Catholic education postulates istration. is The natural as well as the supernatural the creation of Alis mighty God. the sin of spiritual pride. the and the family. and which he must keep clearly before the various claims. and. The schoolmaster. They do not belong to the State. There are. or first The rather certain statesmen. The question is complicated. his mind in his efforts to adjust and most Important principle Is that the children belong to the parent under God. then.
and providing for the continuance of the education in after years. The State exists for the welfare of the temporal If. the State has the right to require such an education from the parents. therefore. therefore. therefore. and the education of children in their earliest years.CATHOLIC EDUCATION 159 parents are the authors of the child's body and the parents' wills are the occasion of the creation of the child's soul. it must respect the higher The children belong to the The parents. have are to be brought up. the State has a right to itself. the nursing. the right to dictate to the State as to the religion in which the children The parents. is The father fitted by nature for providing for the mainteall nance of during these years. filling And in default of the parents ful- this obligation. parents under God. the temporal a certain standard interests of the nation demand of education in the youth of the nation. The parents. The mother is fitted nature for the bearing. if they are Catholics. interests of the nation. moreover. administer such education In doing so. interests of however. The State has nothing whatever to do with the possession of the children. religion. have the duty of submitting . have by confided to their care the nourishment and the education of their children.
Whether body carrying out the will of will. The Power who created men has the possession of all men. are not absolute masters of their own children. The conditions of present-day society make it generally convenient that the State should provide at least the elementary. the people. ing to the will of God. but with representatives of all. there may be much parents give and take on both sides. The parmust educate their children accord- ents. however. must reserve to themselves the what religion shall be taught to the The all parents. Governments. for the most part. The fact of the government being democratic or monarchical makes no difference to the Catholic principle. as a representative Both are compatible with it. the secondary and higher education of the country. Individual .i6o MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD to the guidance of the Church in the adjusting of the religious and secular claims. do not treat with individuals. or as an absolute out his own the ruling monarch carrying body has only the right it to administer secular education in so far as is compatible with the religious education of the children. however. therefore. To the Catholic this means that he must be guided by the Church. The right to say children. and. So long as this principle is saved.
as In the State schools of the United States . both State and Church combined. as In the denominational schools in England. In most cases. nearly every country in the world holds a finds arrangement between the Church and the It diffi- So the Catholic teacher often In different degrees adjust the claims of the various parties which he represents. as In the case of a private tutor or governess. however. Owing different State. or by the State. he allowed a certain . into his And when he in enters engagement he is bound is honor to keep to the terms of his engagement.CATHOLIC EDUCATION members of Parliament or Congress individual Catholics at election time. But when it comes to a conference be- tween the State as a body and the Church as a body. except with the consent and under the direction of the episcopate. He may be engaged directly by the parent. i6i treat with That is the opportunity for the Catholic's action. as In the parochial schools and colleges of higher education In this country. statesmen have no right whatever to Catholic terms. make with governments. then the bishops assume their right to say what are the Church's requirements. or by or by the Church. cult to to diversity of religions and diversity of races. but even then it must be according to the advice of the bishop.
school head teacher of the It is who gives the tone to the school. that he should keep before his mind is the ideal at which he ought to aim in so far as consistent with the terms of his engagement. . will have and tone and plans arranged accordingly. The Catholic school. so But directly his ideal is to carry out the work which essentially belongs to the parents and which they cannot conveniently perform without him. then. The very existence of the teacher depends only on the assumption of the parents not being able to carry out the work of education themselves. since life. It is well that Catholics who have a vote in his appoint- ment should have this ideal before their minds. it is merely merely its a continuation of the family to help the family to spirit and exists fulfill its destiny. State. Now the chief characteristic of this ideal is that the teacher. And it is well that non-Catholics should have the Catholic ideal set before them. is primarily and work of the parents and not directly that of the Church or of the State.i62 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD It is the amount of freedom. in so far as the parents are bound to act under the direction of the Church or the the teacher. Of is course. well. whether he be paid by the parents or by the Church or by the essentially continuing the State. therefore.
is But an they must ever remember that a vocation extraordinary gift. or higher education. The prevailing spirit of these schools should be . whether taught by religious or laity. children for future family Schools taught by religious or clergy are not primarily schools for religious or priestly vocations. Its family When St. This is more especially necessary in the schools for girls. and Fordham. whilst marriage is a Sacrament and Intended for the generality of men. a more stringent obligation on them of approximating as a necessity. A school. middle. he did not intend those wonderful boarding establishments. Doubtless to it is the duty of such religious and clergy watch carefully for vocations.CATHOLIC EDUCATION Its first principle will 163 be to aim at training the life. likeness to therefore. Ignatius conceived and formulated his idea of Jesuit colleges. should be characterized by life. and Is to see that no hindrance put In the way. sible He wished to have day colleges so that the pupils should remain as much as pos- under the direct Influence of parents and home. such as Stonyhurst and Beaumont. Georgetown . however. nearly as possible to the family ideal. But boarding colleges and convent schools are now There is. whether fitted for elementary.
they. She is the important factor in developing the ideal of Catholic Personal piety will be her first accomplishment." " Let us teach our drill Cricket and tennis and and so has the doll and the doll's Then. of hastening kingdom of God. Then she must be taught how to play. of furthering its noble aims. of strengthening the family of making the nation the coming of the more Catholic.i64 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD that of training the future mothers of Catholic families." according to the future social status of the child. We have hardly yet begun to : learn the gospel of Froebel children to play. life. is the priestess of the home. have the obligation of seeking out the most suitable school for their . house. housekeeping. practical conclusions. the parents. From the foregoing principles there follow some Parents will first strive to realize that. since the education of children pri- marily belongs to them. as the school years draw to an end there are the important subjects of cookery and have their place. it is The mother who holds family life. The Catholic school that neglects its these fails to grasp one of ties grandest opportunithat is. with " extras. Then will come the ordinary school subjects. and only by delegation to the teachers. She all- the home together.
the school of the parish or mission will generally be found to be efficient. home life will receive the chief con- If the future circumstances of the children are such that they can dispense with examinations. The majority of children. if the circumstances of the family require a boarding-school or college. however. the parents will choose by preference a day high school or college. Then. The elementary school of one's first own parish. the head master .CATHOLIC EDUCATION children. Then. has the ent's consideration. case of elementary education. 16$ The first nearest school Is not necessarily the most suitable. then a school which is exempt from public examinations is better than one subject to them. therefore. The as to the proficiency of Catholic schools In securing excellent results at examinations. Nor all is the cheapest. require paper Catholic parent need have no fear whatever qualifications for their start in professional studies. An It obvious irregularity Is may to act. in which case the parents' duty But. generally speaking. Having used their utmost discretion in the choice of a school. the idea of sideration. arise. claim upon a par- In the case of middle class or higher education. the parents will do well not to meddle with the teacher. The In the school must of be Catholic.
child's education. of leading them to their eternal destiny. in as a She is not called household drudge. then the parents . The same principle of parental responsibility holds good with regard to ecclesiastical authorities. a supervision is over the child's school If the child sufficient backward and there does not appear it reason to account for that. who undertake the burden of providing a If the Catholic education for Catholic families. as a member of the family. unnecessarily. entitled to deep respect and consideration. of making them Catholic in mind and in heart.1 66 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD what is or the head mistress of the school must be trusted to do best for the child. if the children are to be educated by a private governess. to set back the To be ever taking the child's is part against the teacher child's character. State so far neglects its duty that the Church has to provide elementary schools. should be medically examined for adenoids. simply to ruin the Nevertheless the parent should exercise career. and the children and the governess herself must feel it. that she is. Lastly. then the parents must form the habit of mind. but as one even more fulfill qualified than the parents themselves to their chil- high vocation of forming the characters of dren. even once. is To change the school. strictly in loco parentis.
work which is essentially the work of parents. The work done by such schools and colleges is infinitely more valuable than the money ouday for their material support. The work is God's work. It is not an easy state But with the graces which the Sacrament confers the married pair are made strong for all of life.CATHOLIC EDUCATION ought to support these schools generously. So. It ought to be quite unnecessary to say the circumstances one must say to it. exigencies. it. . the accumu- bad debts. with the high schools and colleges. to support a 167. beg. too. They have received the lation of graces to bear its burdens. They have received the Sacrament of marriage. beg. temporal as well as spiritual. It is the least that parents can do to see that the work is not ham- pered by what so frequently happens. yet under parents ought pay their school bills regularly and promptly. It is not right to allow the priest to go and beg. and those who are primarily responsible for it are the parents of families.
In order. Apostles was formed by Our Lord during the years of His public ministry. then. at least in some respects. The Word was made flesh to reveal to us the mind of the Eternal Father. God has fully realized. having been organized by Him during His . given us the ideal fully realized in the concrete. is the Holy Family of Nazareth. to learn the mind of the to that rather than the we must go for our lessons as to Eternal Father concerning the nature and end of the Catholic family life turn our thoughts to the The school of the we cannot do better than little home at Nazareth. of course. all more or less approaching the ideal. it Js that more remote symbols what the Catholic family should be.CHAPTER XIII THE CATHOLIC FAMILY The ideal of the Catholic family has been once There have been many good examples. But 9II except one must be regarded as having failed. to achieve the perfection of family life. Since. Then. That one. therefore.
knowledge. then. the undoing of life eternal. nor for the love of parent and children. to help immortal souls to get to is This the first and. and consequently all wisdom. by the descent of the Holy Ghost on the day of Pentecost. foremost purpose. the hindrance of sin. The purpose of the first Catholic Family was the salvation of souls. grace in the eyes of God and Although possessing the Beatific Vision. and grace. subordinate to the is aim which heaven. yet Jesus . it 169 was fully promulgated and endowed with its special gifts after His death. acquisition of worldly fortunes. The purpose of the Incarnation was the salvation of The purpose of the Church was the salvation of souls. nor for the nor for the pro- motion of the children ful in business. the only lesson to be learned areth*. nor for the final material prosperity of nations. of every Catholic family is to obtain for life. All these are law- and subordinate aims. in a sense.THE CATHOLIC FAMILY lifetime. from the Holy Family of Nazis the purpose of the Catholic family sin. The first and souls. the propa- gation of those truths and virtues which lead to The child Jesus grew in wisdom and age and of men. its members the possession of family does not exist merely everlasting The for the sake of the love of husband and wife.
lyo MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD it deemed expedient to acquire an experimental things. presence The constant or frequent the of priests or religious. Catholic. that to take her child on her knees impressions are the most effective and most lasting. He chose to undergo that laborious education to set the example to that it show them was only by constant teaching and learning all Christian families. the statues and the fixtures. to that Christian character could be formed. The She Christian mother. assiduously watches for the first dawn of conscience in her child. and how to apply them to the development of the spiritual Jesus was the foundation of all grace. or ought to know. There must be no question about the character of the school. He was knowledge itself He was wisdom itself but He chose that His wisdom and knowledge and . to learn knowledge of Mary life. must be The Catholic school will undoubtedly possess a Catholic atmosphere. . then. the great truths from Joseph and about religion. She delights it and teach to pray. Catholic prayers. all tend to . grace should be manifested gradually. little Her pride is to show her friends how when it her one can say the " Our Father " and the " Hail the child Mary. first knows." The time at length comes must be sent to school.
THE CATHOLIC FAMILY is 171 keep before the mind of the child the fact that he a Catholic. Now the Catholic home ought to be at least as Catholic as the Catholic school. body reads it is or. Catholic family will A zealous father of a to make an endeavor hang up one or two good and really pictures. to regard a religious picture in the Is drawing-room as out of place. This feeling It Is also. those cheap graphs of the Pope or the bishop. There ought It to be prominent signs about the house that is the abode of a Catholic family. Now. These are days when everysupposed to read. which are a compliment to neither. In There is a feeling some families. in generally the fruit of worldliness. artistic religious They give a tone to the house. . having pretensions to be up-to- date and fashionable. a measure. at least. Impress- ing the faith on the minds of the family. due to the large number of inferior litho- pictures which flood the market. Is And notorious that Catholics do not buy books as they should. members of the and expressing the faith of the family to More important even than Catholic art Is Catholic literature. unless Our Holy Father has warned it us that will we support a good Catholic press be useless for us to build schools and churched. visitors.
but also in the application of those principles to the particular circumstances of his He must know what the bishops have what the government has done to this or that particular school or college. a subscription to some Catholic weekly newspaper. scientific. It is chiefly through the press that the members of the family learn their relationship to other tions in the world. Especially In the matter of education does the Catholic need to know the bearings between the mind of the Church and the mind of the State. And he ought to know this not only on general principles. and what the governcountry. said. that there is a regular subscription to some monthly or quarterly Catholic journal. therefore. . and. ought to a shelf for religious at once that there literature. Heads of see to it Catholic families.172 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD is the Catholic Church not wanting either in excel- lent writers or excellent publishers. tive literature. especially among the working classes. institu- The secular press keeps them provided with press political news and so constantly But the secular reminds them of their is civic duties. Our book and recreaso little stores are rich in devotional. not an ideal medium for showing the Catholic his duty to the State. of this finds The crying shame is that its way into the Catholic is family.
" Order is said to be heaven's first command. there- the means by which the Catholic learns the bearings between the family. Joseph who was told to fear not. Joseph was the head and ruler of the family. fore. the Church. but must be a well-ordered love. he must be alive to his duties as a Catholic citizen. the Catholic press is Since. It was St. outside the bosom of triple love so perfect as that love between Mary. and was subject unto them. the State. Joseph who was told by the spouse. order to teach us this lesson went Our Lord. life So also in the love must be the ruling principle. on the other handj love be said to be the first and final law of heaven. Yet St. The family life is the foundation of true citizenship. with them. therefore. the statement must be qualified by making the love a well-ordered love. and Joseph. to 173 in do with schools and colleges In a word. in down with His the Blessed Trinity parents to Nazareth. Nowhere was a Jesus. the love of " And Jesus went down something family it contrary to the Divine Will. and came to Nazareth and was subject unto them. If. but take Mary to be his It was St. angel to arise and take the Child and His mother . Even sin is only love out of order.THE CATHOLIC FAMILY ment proposes the future. the Catholic press ought to be an institution in every Catholic household.
the subjection of It not to be a slavish subjection. a fear by which one is afraid of offending love. Here. the children a filial is Moreover. is the rule for the Catholic family. the obedience If parents of children not unlimited. yet Joseph was to be the ruler of the family. command anything contrary to divine law the duty of the children is to disobey. is Further. It was St. to say at what hour . The father is to be supreme ruler. divinely to return commanded who was Mary and Jesus to Nazareth.174 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD flee into and Egypt. And although Jesus was so much spiritually exalted over Joseph and Mary. but subjection. but a rev- a certain fear present erential fear. is In cases of doubt. to say where the abode. Joseph and take Mary was so much spiritually exalted over Joseph. the mother is to rule in her sphere under him. rather than by fear. Although yet in the family He was to be subject to both. then. the children are to be subject to both. must be informed by love There must. the presumption favor of the parents. which school they family shall take up is a question of family interest or domestic arrangements the will of the parents It is not for children to say shall its go to. of course. rather than a fear by which one is afraid of punishment. be in the children. howin ever. But wherever there must be obeyed.
to say 175 come ily. too. later. The children are free to choose their this own states of life. when them. follow the wishes of their parents. We shall mark when we do our best only fall short of with our imagina- tion. it Consequently we cannot look to in the question directly for of servants. the parents are overtaken with old age.THE CATHOLIC FAMILY the family shall dine. what time they shall These are points upon which children frequently mistake their place in the fam- points in which they are obviously subject to their parents. the children are bound in cases of necessity to support The Holy Family an example at Nazareth was very poor. theless. There comes a time. considerations which they put forth. to picture the kind and gentle consideration which Our Lady would have shown to any one who did her a service. up. From that picture. when children grow their The relationships between them and parents then become somewhat modified. But we extra can easily imagine how Our Lady would have little acted did she have need to call in a help the now and then. there still Never- remain the duties of reverence In they are not bound to and love. in at night. but they arc bound to consult their parents and to weigh the Then. how- .
If a servant Is so bad she has no longer any right to be in the place.176 ever. of the mistress of the house to arrange matters for the servants such a way that they shall feel that they have a home. and servants in the circumstances of modern society. whether they be Catholic or Prota reasonable They must have amount of their opportunity for recreation. Their service is that of free contract. or rather mistresses. And it Is something more. Is. Since the servants live in the house. MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD we may get some hints as to the relation- ship between masters. of those They are not the goods and chattels who employ them. . and yet A mistress can insist upon her servants being kept up to the mark insist kindly. work. the house in a sense. They must have opportunities for their religious duties. their It Is home. nor yet are they an ancient on a level with the slaves of Roman household. therefore. faults. iThe servants of to-day are not on a level with the children of the household. estant. They must have wages paid promptly. in their And she will do well to examine her conscience frequently as to how often she has engaged in gossip about the servants' There are some women who can spend whole afternoons and evenings talking on that and no other topic. in the duty.
or engineer. but neither foot. then Protestant. but since they are members of the household they ought. 177 A word should be said. Jew. and especially of the father. or doctor. excels in his own vocation.THE CATHOLIC FAMILY. engage him will And if he shines in his Catholicity as he does in his profession. There success patible. in preference. at least. . Catholics should in their That is only an extra reason why make themselves more proficient If a respective trades and professions. too. servant The may not be set above the head of her mistress. of providing for the material well-being of the children. and all things necessary to get them well again. may she be trampled under From the principles of order and superiority in the and subjection family there arises the duty of the parents. have the attendance of the family physician. then 12 the cause of Catholicity will benefit in proportion. is an Impression prevalent that worldly and Roman Catholicism And it is certainly true are not com- that in is many Protestant communities the Catholic at a dis- advantage. and Infidel. Catholic lawyer. Here is a point where Catholic wives may set an example to the generality of society dames. of servants in illness. as to the treatment They cannot expect the same affection as the children.
There Church.178 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD father of the Catholic family. From Catholic faith and hope will spring Catholic love. it Piety must come before worldly success. though there no need to go outside the may be need to use discrim- ination within the Church. schools as efficient as any secular schools in the country. is is not the foundation of the Church. school must be Catholic. be Catholic in its faith. and existing primarily for the same end as the Church. We may sum up. to Catholic education during youth. The Catholic faith will be fostered by ceaseless attention to the Sacraments. but rather the child of the Church. however. but it must likewise efficient in its secular subjects. fore. tion is And this discrimina- the office of the parents of the family. the principles of Catholic family life thus : The family is the foundation of the State. the salvation of souls. its instructions namely. but to supplant it. taking from the Church. need not be allowed in We is have schools abundance. It should. and Catholic instruction through the press during man- hood. The family. and Catholic in its love. and the strength and purity of the State depend on the strength and purity of the family. must The The be provide his children with a good secular education. thereits Catholic in hope. therefore. then. This will be made ever more and .
and consequently the it State. . and to show to the noneffi- Catholic world that religion and intellectual ciency are not incompatible . nay. through love. 179 in order. to show that only by the observance of the law of religion can the family. the father the children obeying The endeavor must be made to carry these Catholic principles into the world of and professions. achieve the perfection which desires.THE CATHOLIC more fruitful by being kept and mother ruling by love. business FAMILY.
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