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MARRIAGE andPAKENTHOOD THE CATHOLI C IDEAL

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Marriage and Parenthood .

WORLDLY WISDOM FOR THE CATHOLIC YOUTH Counsels for Young Men on Rule of Life a Christian By MENTOR Handsome Paper Cover. A. Temperance in all Things. Net 60 C<ints (By Mail. A Pura Moral Life. Health Its Value. will be warmly welcomed by young women and all those who realize the important part which woman fills in the uplifting of the race and in the development of Christian civilization.A YOUNG WOMAN'S PROBLEMS Counsels to Young Girls on the Threshold of Life By the Rev. Postpaid. P. the Future Head of the Christian Family. 70 Cents) These suggestions. Popular Amusements. coming from the pen of a mastergiiide. NEW YORK . A Good Name. WAGNER PUBLISHER BARCLAY STREET. Postpaid. Idleness. Net 35 Cents (By Mail. 40 Cents) On the Threshold of Life. the Foundation of The Chief Aims of Youth. Faith. pose Choosing a Life Work. Self-Control. HALPIN Handsomely Bound iv Cloth. — — JOSEPH 9 F. Companions. "The Christian Youth. Industry vs.

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" "THE WAYFARER'S VISION." ETC. WAGNER NEW YORK . JOSEPH F. THOMAS J. GERRARD AUTHOR OF "CORDS OF ADAM.MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD €i^e Catl^oUc 3Deat BY THE REV.

Jamitaiit 19. S.D. T.A. D.REMIGIUS LAFORT. . 191 1. h. CAMBRIDGE. 191 /j(^. Archbishop of Nttu York Niw Youc. Wachu.^^oy7 Copjright. FARLEY. U.S. Cinsor imfximnim *JOHN M. New York THE UNIVEMITY PRESS. by JoszrH F.

. Between Parents and Children XI. VII. .. 69 82 95 107 121 Before and After Childbirth IX. The Catholic Family 168 . Choice of a State Choice of a IV... . VIII. The Sanctity of Marriage . The Blessings of Many Children X. .. 18 31 III. VI.CONTENTS Page Introduction Chapter I. Mixed Marriages Between Husband and Wife Conjugal Restraint . i Institution and Puepose 7 II.. Young 139 152 Catholic Education Xin. Mate 43 58 V.. Sexual Instruction for the XII..

have decided to omit as pertaining rather to anof the my own I other book which I have in preparation on the attitude Church towards the Eugenic movement. not. however. and parents who make have so kindly favored special valuable criticisms sire to me with most and suggestions. too. C. Here and set there I have been unable to follow even a very weighty authority.NOTE I iTO REVISED EDITION my grateful acknowledgments clergy. because I judgment against it. . Cosmas. medical BEG to express to the large number of men. who Luke. equally grave authorities. The Author. has been able to secure for me such a wealth of expert opinion. and Damian. And I demention of Surgeon-General as President of the Guild of Maunsell..B. Sts. but because it appears to me to be outweighed by a consensus of Some few ideas.

On every side we see influences at work which tend to break up the family and consequently to break up society. The ideal which she holds before the world and the power which she gives for the realizing of such ideal stand out as the chief hope for the modern society. Such a task needs the genius of the Catholic Church. Amongst her many the least important is helps for this purpose not the Sacrament of marriage. he Is very clever if he can make an Thousands of other men think he is a genius if he can fly over the Alps. even though But at the end of the journey he break his neck. these are paltry trifles compared with the work of training a soul for the kingdom of God. the spread of the white slave traffic. The salvation of increase of divorce. — these . the falling off in the birthrate.Marriage and Parenthood Cl^e €ati)olic 9lDeal INTRODUCTION A MAN thinks aeroplane.

the value of the Cath- olic ideal asserts itself. Sir John Bigham. and I attribute that fact to the great influence of their priesthood. of Liverpool. olic student detects In these movements. as proved by the attempts to mend matters. That there all is is something wrong admitted on hands. The is formation of the Eugenics Education Society another. Dr. Speaking as he did in favor of divorce. there was a double weight in his words. Thus. however. the Catha lack of the knowledge of foundation principles.2 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD more obvious symptoms which is are a few of the follow upon a low ideal of the marriage bond. He said he had questioned countless poor . then President of the Divorce Court. for instance. and to the respect which is inculcated amongst Roman Catholics for the marriage vow. in the evidence before the Divorce Commission. however. said: " My experience shows me that members of the Roman Catholic Church seldom come to our court. Here and there. bore magnificent testimony to the fidelity of the Catholic poor." Another witness. Glynn Whittle. ting in The Divorce Commission at present sitLondon is an evidence of such unrest. Most of the remedies pro- posed are a tinkering with the symptom rather than a treatment of the root cause.

Writing in a London journal^ he says: " Marriage. victims of habitual cruelty. less." is He could not recall a single Protes- tant exception." For the present disastrous state of affairs. like other natural and necessary relations. term is meaningit. is But. Only in Catholicism is it a Sacra- ment. . that It is essentially a secular matter. n. in scientific sociology the . Protestants said "Yes". is sacred. this as other points a revolt from Catholicism. . as we have seen. The answers had been most impressive. What amongst the cause of this grand steadfastness amongst Catholics and of weak changeableness their Protestant neighbors? A of the Council of the Eugenics Society member shall make answer. expressly declared that Is marriage not a Sacrament.INTRODUCTION 3 women. we have riage Is to thank the system which for three hun- dred years has proclaimed the denial that mara Sacrament. The preaching and the its practice of the sacramental Ideal with all is Implications 1 to be the leaven of the whole Daily Dispatch. the leaven of truth still working. as to whether they would avail themselves of divorce if they could get it. Nov. 191a . then. Roman Catholics said " No. Protestantism in will have none of in The Reformation.

ied too trine has been able to and false docmake headway simply beit. relationships. It is also olic ideal. cause the true was not present to resist Now reticence in these matters is a very strong is protection against temptation. They may be their traced largely to the fact that false views of marriage and parenthood make way into Catholic homes. What has been retained has been retained by advice of authority much more competent than myself. But there some knowledge which we must have. in the face of hoped that a re-statement of the Cathmodern ideals to the life.4 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD To promote and foster this ideal is the mass. others can do with less. In to ignorance of the ideal or to a refusal of graces. I acknowledge that I have found the greatest difficulty In deciding what must be left out of this book. The so natural to far. If knowledge in these matters is needful then that trust to knowledge must be acquired and we must . Some people require more. science. contrary. the most delicate. aim of the following pages. will tend to increase the happiness of Catholic family the We all cannot shut our eyes to cases they are due cither its many failures. a good con- has been can. and the most sacred marriage protective modesty. do These views concern the most intimate.

as in the lowering of ideal there Is If preserves its But if it calls hope of resurrecgood bad and bad good. what he loses in life a portion of he gains in the whole of life. when through to be right painful experience the lesson has been learnt. B. The Church guards a why she is always right. When under her direction the larger vision has been gained. Its its it moral tion. Clement of Alexandria has " Be not ashamed to know what God was not ashamed to make. Gideon W. have to acknowledge my Indebtedness to Dr.INTRODUCTION grace to keep us from abusing it. then doom I is sealed. then will Mother Church be discovered all. through keeping the Church's laws. he gains as a member of a world-wide society. — that is A nation's decadence much In the actual lowering of its ideal. after What a man loses as an individual. 5 No less an said: authority than St." Let it be admitted at once that isolated points of this doctrine individual. yea a thousandfold In the life eternal. consists not so divine ideal. Marsh. its life. Fellow of the Royal So- . may seem is harsh and unkind to the let it At the same time be remembered nature and that the Church an expert in human that by her divine guidance she can see further than the individual.

for valuable suggestions regarding the medical side of the suball topics that do not These must be sought elsewhere. to Catholic principles. 1910. Gerrard. ciety of Medicine. contrary ject.6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD and Vice-President of the Guild Sts. most excellent from the medical and nursing point of view. therefore. Unfortunately many books. tion to the reader's Thomas New Hall. Fetist of the Nativity. . they must be read with cau- and duly corrected according knowledge of the Catholic ideal. and Damian. contain directions. J. of Luke. If they are to be used with- out harm. here and there. I have tried to avoid involve moral principles. Chelmsfokd. Cosmas.

CHAPTER I INSTITUTION AND PURPOSE One of the most remarkable phenomena of the social life of the new century is the movement among womankind tions for a readjustment of the rela- between man and woman. in that protection The loving acquiescence on the part of the wife has been construed into a servile obedience. of life. thing we must look for the cause There would seem to be somethe current ideas con- wrong with many of is cerning the relationship between husband and wife. But as the of the State have their root in the affairs of the family. and consequently . The protective love of the into a husband toward the wife has been changed tyrannical overlordship. The outrage on both nature and grace has rendered the mutual Life irksome beyond endurance. The fact indeed that in many quarters the Cath- olic ideal of the great Sacrament of matrimony has become obscured. it is to the family that of the disturbance. The movement in affairs affects all spheres It makes most noise the sphere of politics.

and the cattle of to rule over the earth. tell ideas both against the sanctity of the marriage state. making the fishes the fowls of the air. But even with all the delights of that paradise of pleasure. There were parts in God's great design which man by himself could not accomplish. and the land from the water. So God said: " It is not good for man to be alone let us make him a help like unto himself. The in the very institution of marriage has its reason weakness and insufficiency in of man. a created world in which there should be one class of creatures bearing His own likeness. and against the indissolubility of its Let us see then what the Church has to say about this won- drous mystery. and moral complements. He had willed to produce own blessed Trinity. with all his unimpaired intelligence and power of ordaining things for God's glory. capable of giv- ing a reasonable service. the earth. He made man He made man a reasonable being." So God cast Adam . After separating the night from the day. although supremely happy the company of His had willed to exercise His love outside Himself. after of the sea.8 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD have become prevalent which bond. God. : mental. man by himself was not enough for God's purpose. He was wanting in both physical.

and they shall be two in one flesh. took a rib from He built a woman. emptying Himself of Himself so that He might take upon Himof His Church. The institution of matrimony was to be a kind of human prophecy of His Incarnation and a figure that As Adam was made weak so Eve might be given to him to be his strength. they then received the message of for which all these things " Increase and multiply." and Eve and their union in the matrimonial bond had. a very much wider significance than the mere multiof plication of The formation Adam of the earth. might accomplish the strong victory over sin and . fill the earth and sub- due it. when He created them. and shall cleave to his wife. and God as to the end had been arranged. had also in His mind His own Incarnation and His Church. so the Son of God became weak. clothed in flesh." Having been thus made for each other and united to each other.INSTITUTION which AND PURPOSE from his side 9 into a deep sleep. self the form of a servant and. And when God brought woman to the man. Wherefore a man shall leave father the and mother. then did Adam say: " This now is bone of my bones. however. and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. beings and the replenishment God.

then. And so we find that nature Seeing. that the chief so high has provided such means. therefore. the Mother of all those to whom He had come to give life. Christ came into the world solely to save sinners. And and find the we would probe further into the mystery common source of these properties of . and became for Him His chosen spouse. the means ordained for the accomplishment of that end must be proportionately high and noble. is end of matrimony and noble. so was the Church taken from the side of Christ He slept upon the Cross. The end of the Church is merely the salvation of souls. matrimony is a figure of the Incarnation and the Church. and became the mother of all living. as The is state of marriage. but them in the higher life of grace and thus preparing them for the still higher life of glory. If. as reflected in the mysteries of the Incarnation and the Church seen to have the high function not only of pro- creating human beings to replenish the earth.10 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD As Eve was taken from the side of death. then its chief end is the population of heaven with immoralso of training tal souls. its unity and if its indissolubility. Adam as he slept. therefore. up in These may be summed the two properties of marriage.

that they should foster that love and conall on each other by excluding other it love of the same kind. conjugal love. All this points to the fact that the marriage is bond law of nature. The mere procreation of children could not possibly be the end of matri- mony. even as now. that they should make so strong and lasting that only death should be able to bring about a breach of the union. knowing brought it as an objection to Our Lord's . this could be done without the bond. Impurity then. led to hardness of heart. without the perpetuity. growth and development. not matrimony was the welfare of the but its all its merely the existence of the offspring. the promotion of Therefore it was that God so interests. that they should love each made man and woman centrate it other. without the unity. divorce. and this chiefly for the sake of the highest Interest of the children which shall be a which a born to them. in course of time became corrupted. The Pharisees. It is a mutual agreement by man and a woman give themselves to each other until death. however.INSTITUTION marriage of the AND PURPOSE in that all-attractive ii we discern it beauty state. Its natural perfection. Consequently Moses allowed this. the chief reason for the institution of offspring. then. for the love. without Manifestly.

So likewise through the union of man and woman Sacrament of matrimony. Forbidding divorce and insisting on the essential unity and indissolubility of the marriage raised it tie. Through the union of Christ with the Church. and shall cleave to his wife. and they shall be two in one flesh. " But." Our Lord it re- minded them. an earlier and more fundamental law. He desired to provide a remedy for all this irregular life by raising the natural state of marriage to a supernatural plane. there is in the conferred . Christ it to the dignity of a Sacrament." Moses had taken into con- sideration the hardness of their hearts sake of preventing greater evils to put and for the had permitted them away their wives. not read that ning. Christ in His human nature was filled with all grace and knowledge compatible with His created nature. He who made man from the beginmade them male and female? And He said: cause shall For this a man leave father and mother. as in was not so. " from the beginning In this. Through the union of the Godhead and the Manhood. God had a greater design in view.12 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Our Lord. the Church sanctified as is His one perfect and unspotted bride." many other matters. was able to quote " Have ye teaching. Thus became a more perfect figure of the Incarnation and the Church. however.

that He might sanctify laver of water in and delivered Himself up it. Paul. cleansing it by the the word of life. St. them to " Hus- for it. This a great Sacrament. the salvation of the Church riage all the souls for whom was is instituted.. Paul speaks of marriage being a great in the strict Sacrament he does not use the word sense in which we use it now. " love your wives.. ity Nevertheless. we are able to gather that marriage the word. is a Sacrament in the strictest sense of The union between Christ and His Church consists of sanctifying grace. all It consists further of a continual flow of those graces which are needful for attaining the Church's end. but I speak in Christ and in the Church. as Christ also loved the Church." says carry out the arduous duties of that state." When St. on account of the similar- of the marriage bond to the bond between Christ and His Church. He means merely that it is a great sign of something sacred.INSTITUTION on them all AND PURPOSE 13 the graces needful to enable bands. So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. namely. . is He that loveth his wife loveth himself. therefore. the mar- bond it Church. If. bond between Christ and His must be the means by which graces like the . a mys- tical s3mibol of the union between Christ and His Church.

The distinction. since It is " clear that in Christian matrimony the contract . Sacrament of the new law is a sacred sign insti- tuted by Christ to signify and to confer grace. therefore. therefore. who confer on each other the fulfil Sacrament enabling them to the higher duties which are involved in the Christian married state. Our late Holy Father. but only the witness of it. Pope Leo XIII." he said. emphasized this when he insisted that the contract and the Sacrament were not two separate things. A If. " cannot be approved of.14 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD sanctifying the marriage state are conferred. It is the themselves over to each other making a mutual contract to live together till man and woman. So it was then that Christ placed His divine seal on the natural contract and with His own lips proclaimed it henceforth to be a bond forged in heaven. it contract into follows that the parties to the contract are the ministers of the Sacrament. " What. then it is one of the seven Sacraments of the new law." From the fact that Christ raised the natural a Sacrament. and if instituted by Christ. the marriage bond signifies and confers the graces needful for the marriage state. God hath joined together let no man put asunder. The priest is not the minister of the Sacrament. therefore. It is the man and woman who hand death. or rather separation.

The . Encyc. It Is Is rightly made. and that nothing Is further from the truth than that the Sacrament is a sort of added riage Christians In itself among which ornament or quality Introduced from without. . woman those the God's minister. Arcanum." ^ If. It Is the woman. relationships. Christ For the Our Lord endowed matrimony with . plain that every true maris and by Itself a Sacrament. confers on the beauties which man those soul make him as a figure of Christ. and so likewise man who. con- and obligations of the Leo XIII. sacramental dignity but matrimony itself. . . as well as well to keep this supernatural aspect of the case prominently before our minds sider the duties ' when we state. It Is to be the complement: of each other In their supernatural. may be detached from the contract at the discretion of man.INSTITUTION IS AND PURPOSE 15 not separable from the Sacrament. confers on the a soul beauties. the is It bridegroom of the Church. as God's minister. HusIn. the Sacrament Is the mutual contract. the bride of Christ. which make her figure of the Church. and conse- quently that a true and lawful contract cannot exist without being by that very fact a Sacrament. therefore. who. band and wife are thus seen their natural. is the contract provided that the contract Therefore.

sets aside in grave then. end for which marriage was instituted was a most difficult Indeed. these helps. however. their wills to the emergencies of every difficult situation. and steels them in their discouragements. the married face their difficulties with a Remembering couple good heart. The grace conferred on the wed- ding morning remains with them the church. And finally in his exhortation he warns them to be faithful to each other. The Church them. and plain language what their duties duty is The first the bringing of children into the in the service of world and the educating of them God. and to remain chaste at special times of prayer. remains with them in their fortifies when they leave home life. it were an impos- sible task without the special divine helps provided.1 6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD end to attain. companionship of domestic In the nuptial Mass the priest solemnly prays over them that they may be fruitful in their offspring and that they may see their children's children unto the third and fourth generation. in the the second duty is mutual love and service life. . having all false made this clear to modesty and tells them are. during the fasts and solemn seasons of the Church. The sacramental effect of matrimony does not spend itself out within a week or two of the nuptial may ceremony.

should do so with their eyes wide open to the fact that It is a life fraught with difficulty to be and that both man and woman are supposed willing to bear grave inconveniences. or when a woman complains of the troubles of children. the former lies the paramount obligation of working for the sustenance of the household. there has evidently been to the some is radical misunderstanding as end of the institution of marriage and of a its is burdens. What needed on those occasions is the consideration that marriage a Sacrament. of divine refreshment for the constant renewal of conjugal life and love. with both " But lies that anxiety for the temporal and spir- itual well-being of if each other and of the children.INSTITUTION AND PURPOSE much trouble 17 Now With all this involves and anxiety both on the part of the husband and of the wife. But if a virgin marry. St. thou take a wife." Those who enter this state. with the latter lie all the cares of child-bearing. therefore. nevertheless. " thou hast not sinned. such shall have tribulation of the flesh. . she hath not sinned. — Sacrament which is a channel of divine strength to bear the burden." says Paul. When a in- man complains of his loss of liberty or the creased burden on his pocket. of divine light to see the way out of the difficulties.

God has endowed it with qualities which make it an apt it was instiThese qualities are revealed in the truth of Christ and the Church. is If the bringing of children into the world attended with great pain and labor. which make the marriage state specially fitted for instrument for the purpose for which tuted. mind. it So in the case of marriage. the great object of bringing children into the world. having ordained for the high purpose of preparing souls for heaven. Christ's Church was to be one only. and it was to last until the end of time. and of bringing them to the final perfection spirit. The bond of Christian marriage must likewise be one only and must last until broken by Unity and perpetuity are the qualities death. for which man was created. of nourishing them in body.CHAPTER II THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE It is part of God's providence that when He sets before us an end to be attained also with the He provides us means of attaining that end. is the bringing of their souls to perfection attended .

the love of husband. a law is accentuated. It requires noth- ing else than the united life and love of both parents. ennobled. and child. This is a fundamental and universal law of nature. Let either partner give the other the for jealousy and there is slightest cause an end of that perfect is love and harmony is in the family which so needful for the well-being of the children. it cannot bear the prospect of of nature which coming to an end. It brook no intrusion from without. The Sacrament of matrimony implies a special divine sanction to the laws of unity and perpetuity in the marriage bond. Youthful ardor burns out life is before the mature part of reached. The need charms. Now such is the nature of man and woman that they cannot love effectually with a divided love.THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE with still 19 greater pain and labor. of the higher sanction and help is seen from the passing nature of the merely natural The mere physical pleasures pass away In the with their satisfaction. One is of the fairest the triple love created reflections of that love of family It will life. The archtype of perfect love the mutual love of the three Per- sons of the blessed Trinity. and made perfect by a law of grace. wife. course of a life so intimate as that of husband .

all The Sacrament imparts the courage. then indeed is there need of something more sustaining. has ever insisted on its unity and perpetuity. among the unmar- The father who has to provide for his dren must be certain that they are his own. Marriage certainly brings a revelation of many new beauties of character. something more lasting than the mere wrinkles . It renews the youth of married life and makes it satisfying even ergy. in spite of years. tie of natural affection or natural contract.20 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD and wife many faults of character become exposed. the refreshment. therefore. cares for He them only on the supposition that they . The Church. fraught with disappointments even as with agreeable surprises. and the eye loses its fall into When luster. gray. The Church claims to have the care of this Sacrament. the hair turns and the features when the general buoyancy and ardor of youth tones down into the prose of middle age. but it also brings a revIt is elation of many faults of character. The Church regards the sin of adultery as something infinitely more chil- heinous than any sin possible ried. in the unity It is found and perpetuity of the Sacrament. The fading of bodily beauty also tends to weaken the natural bond. the en- and the love needful to make the bond strong and lasting.

almost directly at the foundations of family A violation of the sanctity of marriage then is by violation of chastity. up these sacred family relationships. God's law. it ing fidelity to her husband she has a right to claim an equal Infidelity on the part of the man. a and a violation of justice. therefore. In the most savage races of the earth its punishment is immediate death.THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE are his offspring. 21 Any part of the woman on the must of necessity tend to break infidelity. we have the most stringent laws against adultery. down for the By polygtwo amy we usually understand the possession of wives at the same time. either party a double violation of Among the Jews the penalty of adultery was death by stoning. Hence. And if a woman gives unswervfidelity in return. This it does by all the conditions and rules which it lays prevention of polygamy and divorce. although does not act directly in rendering the offspring of the family uncertain. husbands at the The possession of two same time is known as polyandry. . and thus life. The law of Christ makes the law of nature and the law of Moses more perfect. and against divorce. against polygamy. yet it strikes at the root of conjugal love. cannot love and care for children those of the possible A father who may be man who has done him the greatest injury.

which of the love between one bridegroom and one bride. the love " One is my dove. And the permission was was mere toleration. polygamy among the Jews are frequently quoted by those who want an excuse for cases of The disregarding the laws of Christian marriage. jealousy as hard as hell.. perfect one is but one. My beloved to me and I to him ones. . and the shadows dren of saints. the The most wondrous love song man was that inspired by the Holy tells song of songs. as upon thy arm. ever sung by Spirit. . it The circumstances of the times required that should be permitted in order to Nevertheless. my which lasts till death. . avoid greater evils." the day break So the young Tobias till could say to his wife Sara: " For we are the chil- and we must not be joined together . . If polygamy was permitted then it for a special reason. At- tention must be paid to the circumstances of time and race. for love is strong as death. the lamps thereof are fire and flames. a seal . God did not cease to give signs to His people as to what was the great ideal. I to my beloved and the anem- my beloved to me. away.. who feedeth among flee the lilies. . who feedest among Put mc as a seal upon thy heart. .22 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Both are equally condemned by the Christian law.

" Thy And Sara let prayed with him: "Have mercy on in health. A marriage is not merely a union of two In one flesh. however. and us grow old both together Further. thou knowest that not for fleshly lust do I take my sister to wife. would be to consider the bond of love lasting right through death." In praying to God for a blessing on his marriage he referred its back to original conditions: "Thou madest Adam Eve of the slime of the earth. there- fore." us. but also of two In one spirit. in which name may be blessed forever and ever. the Church. Lord. And now. although she allows remarriage after the death of one of the partners. but only for the love of posterity. yet she looks upon such remarriage as something less perfect.THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE like 23 heathens that know not God. The more The perfect thing. Her ideal is that a marriage should be so distinctly one and perpetual as to exclude any other marriage even after the first has been dissolved by death. and to mark the distinction be- tween the more perfect state and the less perfect . To give expression to her wish. although she insists that the marriage bond lasts only till death. and gavest him for a helper. reason why the Church allows remarriage after the death of one of the partners Is because there are other ends of matri- mony besides mutual love.

" What." it is necessary to make a clear distinction of terms. maintain the unity and perpetuity of the marriage bond. language separatio a mensa et thoro. not even the Church. Let us dis- tinguish then between three kinds of separation. therefore. then no power on earth. or separation from bed and board. First. on the threshold of the question asunder. even though the bridegroom be a widower. . She gives It where the bride is being married for the first time. Her end is achieved by withholding the blessing only in the case of the marriage of widows. has power to grant a divorce.24 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Church does not give the nuptial blesscases where the bride is a widow if she has it state. the ing in received in a previous marriage. Having regard to the dignity of the bride. This brings us to the all-important question of If both the natural and divine laws divorce. It is husband and wife are allowed It is called in theological called In juridical language a judicial separation. divorce must be understood In a particular and strict sense of the word. there is a separation which implies that the to live apart. When It Is said that no power on earth can grant a divorce. God hath joined together let no man put Here. the in this case Church overlooks the defect in the bridegroom. as stated above.

The actual contract or tie would be broken.THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE Its 25 meaning is that. in see to it that those who observe His law. as long as the contract remains it bond or However yet it is unfair it must bind both the parties. Then is is there is another kind of separation which frequently believed to be a divorce and which a source of much perplexity to Catholics and of non-Catholics alike. The bond which has been made by God may not be broken by man. and. receive their just reward. for instance. the Church makes no distinction in this respect between the innocent party and the is A bond a bond. although the parties are sep- arated from each other. as the But the second kind the Church allows never. such. yet they are not free to marry again. It is called a declaration . j One of the parties may forfeit certain rights of marriage through infidelity to the partner. / misconduct of one of the parties. or separation from the bond. the final balancing. Now the first kind of separation is allowed by the Church whenever If they the separation there is a grave reason. And guilty. were allowed to marry again would be said to be a vinculo. may seem to the innocent party. therefore. God's law and God will will. the contract is a two- sided one. further. but can never thereby acquire the freedom to marry again.

There no difficulty. The parties have gone through the ceremony. But again. And being unbaptized he was furthermore Incapable of making the contract of . falls Then a he becomes Catholic girl. Baptism is the first Sacrament and the door of the other Sacrament. means that is that which has appeared to be a marriage declared never to have been a marriage from the beginning. the Church approves of the marriage. but there has been some obstruction in the way which has prevented the knot from being tied and so the supposed marriage must be declared null Let us take an instance. He a is successful in his suit. and void. Catholic. What has happened? that the The undlscerning public think Church has approved of divorce and of the remarriage of a divorced person.26 THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE It nullity. the And if man happens to the undiscerning public have been a wealthy Jew is not slow to attribute unworthy motives to the Church. The Jew had not received the Sacrament of baptism and so was Incapable of receiving the Sacrament of marriage. what has really happened? The Jew's first marriage was really no marriage at all In the sight of the Church. in love with and wishes to be married to her is In the Catholic Church. A Jew married to a baptized Christian wife seeks for a divorce in the law courts.

Pauline privilege. or tries to pervert the faithful partner. 15). to have been null and void from the beginning. If one of the parties to the Christian faith. There are three exceptions to the law of indisThe first two concern marriages ratified but not consummated. or shows contempt for God and gion. then the faithful one has a right to a real divorce (I Cor. even when converted to live reli- consummated. solved either by papal dispensation for some grave reason. the marriage which. was declared to be dissolved was by the law of the Church declared never to have existed. or by the solemn. vll. when the Jew became a Catholic and received the Sacrament of baptism he was quite free and capable of uniting himself with the partner of his choice. It The third is known may happen only in and this is as the a mar- riage between unbelievers. religious profession of one of the parties. Therefore. for the Sacrament is the contract. Consequently. by the law of the land. Such may be dissolubility. and the other refuses peaceably. Within these limitations the Church is absolutely Inexorable against any attempt at separation from the bond.THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE 27 making the contract of marriage. She has suffered the loss of faith rather than sacrifice whole nations from the .

And as nothing ruins families and destroys the corruption of is most powerful kingdoms manners. and one jot or to have condoned a' denial of the sacramental na- ture of the matrimonial bond. must ever reof woman's dignity and safety " as to her marriage right. The great evils. even in one case. in refusing to grant a divorce to Henry VIII. " of which divorce can hardly be enumerated. the spring When we may the conjugal expect to see bond loses its immutability benevolence and affection destroyed between hus- band and wife. And the famous Encyclical of the late Sovereign Pontiff. must ever be a monument of the fidelity of the Church to the sanctity of the mar- riage state.28 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD tittle of her principle. would have been to renounce the divine charge given to her." is wrote the Pontiff. The care of the Sacrament has been committed to her keeping. it Is like the easy to see that divorce. the protection and education of children rendered more difficult the germs of discord sown between families. which only begotten of the depraved manners of a . an encouragement given to infidelity. the . For the English-speaking world the Pope's firmness. woman's dignity disowned. after having served as the instrument of man's passions. danger for her of seeing herself forsaken. main the character Leo XIII.

has come to pass." Views subversive of the Catholic ideal are now very prevalent. as in In the matter of the sanctity of mar- many other things. States. and are becoming day by day more prevalent. we must not be surprised if non-religious bodies all speak openly in favor of divorce and. . Whilst other gious bodies are prepared to give specious pretext which way under any See of Peter may arise. tive is It Nay. And when the Churches which ought to guard the sanc- tity of marriage show themselves weak and accommodating to the lower pleasures of man. This. made which may be irksome is trifling but the irk- someness thereby suffered compared with . both in private and in public life. it is the Catholics reli- who are the salt of the earth. the proclaims the principle of no compromise. as experience to the most vicious habits. unashamed. for Catholics to make their voice heard In protest. High time is It. absolutely imperaloyalty around the that Catholics should rally themselves anew with even greater Father lation Holy Legis- who watches its the marriage Sacrament so anxiously and sees is dangers so clearly. is 29 the worst enemy of families and of and that it opens the door. indeed. riage. make profession of free love. then.THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE people. attests.

The pasare let loose and fall victim to every little life. Then comes the sad spectacle of a mother left alone with a house full of children and no father to provide for them. It restrains the pas- lished sions But let the idea of divorce once get estaband there is an end of restraint. The Church's laws may be hard to bear at times. let us admit all this. but at the same time insist that the Sacrament of marriage has power either to prevent or mitigate the sions. if only life. that a is drunken husband an almost intolerable nuisance. that child- bearing children is is a burden. as the yoke of Christ. is that a gossiping wife a plague of a life . sweet and easy to bear. counter-attraction to family The half-hearted is partner who realizes that there an easy escape from the burden of married life makes no serious attempt to bear it. They are. evils. boldly that the marriage state culties. that the education of a tax many on the family's resources. a father with a house full of children and no mother to take care of them. that fraught with love is liable to grow cold. we spread them out over the short run of . however.30 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Let us admit diffiis the irksomeness thereby avoided. or what is perhaps even more sad.

CHAPTER

III

CHOICE OF A STATE

How

is

it

that nearly the whole of the creative

literature of the

world has been made to center
girl?

round the young

How is

it

that love stories

about married people, widows,

and widowers,
is

have such a prosaic savor and so often tend
towards degeneracy?
hidden
in the virgin
It is

because there

some-

thing mysterious in virginity.

There is a power mind which can change the
Shall

destinies of
this

men, of nations, of the race.

power be divided, ministering to the procrebody and education of soul? Or shall it renounce the carnal part and be devoted excluation of
sively to the care of the spirit?

These questions are very
the

old,

perhaps as old as
is

human

race itself; for there
first

some reason

to

believe that the sins of our

parents had some-

thing to do with the
rate

vow

of virginity.

At any
times the

we know

that in the earliest

Roman

problem faced the maidens of the family. Vesta was the goddess of the hearth. But family wor-

32
ship

MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
was not enough.

A

special sanctuary

was

needed where all the citizens of the State could worship as one great family. The goddess was
there represented by an eternal
fire

burning on her
set aside to

hearth or altar.

And

virgins

were

keep alive

this fire.
fire

pure, as the

symbolized.

The goddess was chaste and The virginity of the
and realized that
purity.
re-

priestesses both figured

Thus, even in natural religion virginity was

garded as a higher type of spirit life. When God became incarnate He added a higher sanctity to virginity by choosing to be born of a Virgin. By the same act too he raised the dignity of motherhood. Both states of life were
needed for the perfection of His plans. Some would be called to one state, others to the other. Christ Himself declared that renunciation of marriage was more blessed than fruition, provided it was done for the kingdom of heaven's sake. Not
every one could receive that word, but he
could, let him.
St.

who
said:

Paul applied

this

doctrine

when he

"

He that giveth his virgin in marriage

doeth well,

and he that giveth her not doeth

better."

In biblical language the term " virgin " includes

men

as well as
:

Apocalypse says

women. Thus St. John in the " These are they who were not

CHOICE OF A STATE

33

defiled with women: for they are virgins." In modern language we speak of the men as celibates.

The

that single blessedness

Council of Trent uses both words in defining " If anyis the higher gift.
is

one says that the married state
not a better and

to be placed
it is

before that of virginity or celibacy, and that

more blessed thing

to remain in

virginity or celibacy than to be joined in matri-

mony,

let

him be anathema."
spoken of
is

The
life.

virginity or celibacy here

not
|

necessarily that of the ecclesiastical or religious

The Church

recognizes three normal states
j

of life: marriage, which
ness in the world, which ness in religion, which
is

is
is

good; single blessedbetter;
single blessed-

1

{

best.
life

This does not mean however that the single
is

better for everybody, nor that the religious life

is

the best for everybody.

These

states are only

good, better, and best, when regarded in themselves.

If

we look

at

them with regard to

partic-

ular people, the order of good, better, and best

may

be reversed.

Indeed, for the vast majority
is

of people marriage
single life In the

by far the best thing.

The

haps

life in

world would maim them, and perreligion would ruin them. Everything
his tem-

depends on the Individual's circumstances,
perament,

his health, his ability, his desires,
3

above

34
all

MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
his graces.
all

This then
I called?

is

the problem with

which

young people are confronted:

To what

state of life

am

Let us say at the outset that the solution is love. But what is love? Its mystic nature defies an
exhaustive
description.

There

is,

however,

a

simple definition which

may
will

be applied to every

kind of love.

It is

:

To

good for some one.
friend,

This
It

is

the essence of love, whether of father,
child,

mother, husband, wife,

or enemy.

may

be accompanied by the passion of affection
If I love
If I love
I

or by the passion of aversion.

mother, affection

is

also present.

my my
feel

enemy, aversion
a dislike to a

is

probably present.
at the

may

man, yet

same time

will to

do

him good.
Further, love

of passion.
life,
it.

I

may be devoid, or almost devoid, may have a love for the religious

for instance, without having any affection for
I

may

see that only by entering religion shall

I be able to

men.
things

Even though

do the greatest good to my fellow I have an aversion for comof liberty, yet I

mon life and loss

may

see in those

my

best chance of salvation

and love them

accordingly.

In the choice of a state of
question will be:

life

then the leading
I really

Which

state

do

love?

The case. often arises In which only ruin of the end of marriage. is the and sup- pose her mind to be expressed by some such saying . by God and by the one of the pair feels the passion. other to do? Suppose it to be the What girl. is my desire condo I waver between one thing and anknowing my own mind? stant. out of Passion cannot be good If it has for its object that which tends to the But the Impediments Church are all arranged placed to protect the end of marriage. the preis dominant attractive If this passion It conall sonant with reason and revelation then is good and beautiful. If there are impediments to Is the proposed marriage then the passion place and must be checked. and therefore passion must never seek to override them.CHOICE OF A STATE Do I 35 live want to be married? Do I want to singly in the profession? want to world and devote myself to a special Do I want to be a priest? Do I be a nun? Above all. however. is can In most cases the choice settled by a chance is meeting and by the accident known as falling in love. or other. Mutual passion for each other force. and for them the highest and most perfect life which they live. It is the which they are by nature fitted. never state for Marriage will be the choice of most.

you know. that of the will. him. but hesitates about accepting him because she does not feel in love. and she determined to do she can to make him happy. She feels that she can honor and respect him." There is need here to distinguish between love and passion. Passion The is girl then who Is in every way fitted for marriage receives an offer from a young man who in many ways suitable. Good will made. Love is essentially an act of the will passion is essentially a mere sensation. passion over. though. . passion and in which the passion the will.36 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD : as this that I " I like him. is controlled by But let us never forget that the lasting is element in such love burns out in time. If she is young and likely to have other chances she may wait. but I cannot say in love am with him. If she be- lieves that the man is will do all he can to make her all happy. But if she is likely to become an old maid then she may fortify herself with the philosophical distinction between love and passion. More- good will in such cases Invariably rouses the passion before the days of courtship are ended. Let us repeat. the is she will be well advised to marry is the real stuff of which love is but an added perfection. that the most perfect love for married people is that in which the will is fired by .

CHOICE OF A STATE On as to 37 the part of the man the doubt is hardly ever whether he is in love or not. He doubts only his power of fulfilling the obligations usually of the new state of life. important. even with . is More the case where the young man finds the single life a constant tempta- tion to impurity. Then must he seriously turn his attention to marriage as to his salvation. The number of unhappy homes. Vocations to the celibate begin to show themselves before the age adapted to mar- . They prefer to be free for the joys of of those young cigarettes and billiards rather its than undertake the burden of marriage with choice is greater joys. Such a nothing but low. is In regard to marriage he afford to keep a wife. It is appall- were better therefore to marry. than to lead a tinually tempted and perhaps continually life usually falling. before bad habits are formed. caused through youthful indiscretion before marriage. ing. nor yet as to whether he is called to marriage or the Church. better to " It is marry than to burn." And it is best of all to marry early. unworthy selfishness. He knows quite well what he wants. however. afraid he cannot The number is growing men who abstain from marriage in order that they may have the pleasure of trifling luxuries.single life con- poverty in prospect.

so that the vocation may have every chance of coming to maturity. a prevalent impression in There is many Cath- two callings for girls. She and encourages a career for certain women cloistral in a life of single blessedness without the vows. is know that such a vocation a special gift of God. I think the origin of confusion in regard to the Church's teaching comes from misunderstanding . Indeed. is On this point the Church sanctions in full S3mipathy with the age. Now such is not Catholic teaching. It is a great privilege to be able to offer a child for the special service of God.38 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Parents need to riage. she provides the means life is lived to in her Sacraments its by which such a highest perfection. Neither is that Catholic teaching. Its chief sign is a spon- taneous and constant desire. to be avoided. And more. either to get married or to become a nun. Two dangers are Parents must not force the idea chil- of the priesthood or of the cloister on their dren. it Nor on it the other hand must they suppress when appears. they will be on the lookout for the signs of zeal and piety which ac- company the desire. There is an impression too that the single state outside marolic families that there are only riage or religion is something lower than either.

if she were under a vow she would have to make serious efforts to keep the vow. a certain amount of slumwill ming or similar charitable work be helpful to . however. The Sac- raments of Baptism. Thus if a girl makes a resolution to lead a single to and afterwards receives an offer of marriage which she wants to accept. or in continuous slumming. fore is The practice of spiritual directors there- recommend not a vow but a resolution. Confirmation. it. outside a religious order or congregation. Nor does this mean that must be lived in continuous contemplation. then there is no difficulty whatever in changing her resolution. but they are by no means proof against the desire for the Sacrament of matrimony. She strongly discourages the taking of any vow. and the Eucharist are all-powerful against the temptation to incontinency. it this single life in the world be it adopted. for it There is not the same protection is in the world as there in religion. plative prayer will be included in and. understanding that she could not possibly keep If. Penance. and could only be dispensed from it on the life outside religion. if one has time and opportunity. and especially the vow of virginity. must be adopted for the kingdom of heaven's sake.CHOICE OF A STATE 39 her practice as to the taking of vows. A certain amount of contemit. Whereas.

occupation a fascinating and consoling occupation of But she was an exception. however. ended. And if they adopt the single either volun- . supernatural Regular Confession and Comfirst munion therefore are the of a chaste life normal conditions outside the marriage state. uninteresting. to a certain extent satisis In virginity and celibacy the flesh morti- fied. moreover. " Redemption. life. frail vessels. is world." draws a fine picture of a milliner young who made her joy. in his exquisite story. In the natural order the normal condition of chastity is work. We carry our treasure in The flesh lusteth against the spirit. therefore. Rene Bazin. and involves the duty of availing one's self of the means to do so. and veil. The renunciation of marriage implies power to is remain chaste. And this mortification is sustained just in spirit satisfies its proportion as the longing for God.40 it. MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD What is meant. their hope. Religion the only reliable help. by taking the nun's The its women in workshops does not of It is is nature tend to keep them good. drab and Marriage. Therefore the spirit must be continually strengthspirit ened by renewed communion with the In marriage the flesh fied. is that the life shall be lived at least in a state of grace and that effort shall be made towards spiritual perfection.

so as to be able to take a more active and independent part in the social and spiritual regeneration of the in the world. The restraint practiced in the single life re-acts generally on the whole pure. The single life is more easily chosen by the expert woman of the middle and upper-middle classes. social organism. has a an individual value.CHOICE OF A STATE hope lies 41 tarily or in willing submission to necessity. It re-acts particularly it on the marriage it strengthening and keeping another. thus social as well as by the Church. state. to insist upon this phase of the Catholic ideal. it are by temperament adapted to single life Whatever the exact percentage may would seem to pertain to the normal state of a healthy society that a certain number should be free from the cares of a family. in these days. community. their almost solely in the regular use of the other Sacraments. that An authority has said. questioned. It is well. though the statement has been from twenty to thirty per cent of women be. . She can enter the learned professions. sanctified Single blessedness. We to are all members one of greater or less The power of is self-conquest which virginity implies tell in bound degree on every member of society.

for they sacrifice themselves for the whole spiritual kingdom.42 I MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Let no one then despair of being unable to find Those who marry do well. bearing If they of many souls. and dlrect- do not choose this state spontaneously. Those who marry not do fruit to the extent better. . for without them neither the Church nor the world could a vocation. It even so they can sanctify ' by using It ing It to the higher claims of the spirit. continue.

even as of is all other phases of Christian sense. On the have arrived at pected to take common one hand the young people who this interesting stage may be exthere need of much it seriously. is Company life. life. keeping if it is Is one of the happiest times of and not attended with joy and brightness there something wrong somewhere. is then. but on the other hand they must not be expected to deport themselves as if they were preparing for a funeral. In speaking of a preparation for a great Sacrament. be known to all nuns that ." Courting time The is truth thereby unconsciously spoken needs to be well spread abroad in these days. your reverence.CHAPTER IV CHOICE OF A MATE That was girl. it At the outset. she replied: " A little courting. let be known Let it to all parents that there nothing sinful in their grown-up children looking for partners. a naive answer given by the little Irish Asked by the priest what was the way of preparing for the Sacrament of matrimony. this.

acknowledged It is a its in the presence of the family. If only such marriages took place as were the result of clear reasoning and mere reasoning from beginning to end. from its earliest signs and movements it is someto father thing which ought to be perfectly abovebdard. this would become a very dull and uninteresting world. and preparation for a verve and joy and delight can suffer no loss through being regulated by the claims of religion. but their action depends largely on their object. an affair is not of the reason. great Sacrament. Of its nature it involves a certain amount of modesty and shyness.44 there MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD is nothing wrong in big children of Mary young speaking tQ the young men of the congregation. It is primarily an of the heart. tellect in the man cannot make woman's face . and we might indeed have grave fears for the survival of our race. known and mother. The affection and The a light of in- the love have reason to guide them. But In addition to reason. Now. Still. all Let it be known to all young men and of courtship is maidens that the thing to be affair not some- ashamed of. although entirely affair falling in love is something it which ought to be controlled by reason. and woman affection God has given man and love.

and so it is only a question of adjustment. With double guiding light the young people as shall may then frequent such places and cultivate such company be likely to afford a fitting it environits ment for the passion of love when appearance. then. They all come from one and the same Author. for her intellectual endow- ments. makes The is Church come first. 45 The light of intellect in a woman cannot make a man's form look more handsome. Marriage a great Sacrament. but the kind of love she likes best is when he is obliged to say: " I do not know why I like you. A is case of real love between a man and woman beyond adequate explanation. A that man may love a woman for her good looks. I only know that I do. having the rules of the . for her domestic virtues. and the Church. this adjustment. In order to make both parents and children should know what are the rules of the Church and this what are the rules of right reason.CHOICE OF A MATE look more beautiful." So the problem olics is this : to be solved by all young Cath- How are the claims of this mysteri- ous and inexplicable love and afiection to be reconciled with the claims of stern reason and sublime religion? Let it not be supposed that these rival claims are incompatible with each other.

indefinitely must be two who are to live together of holy matrimony. therefore. claims the what is the best preparation for marriage and what are the conditions under which it may be contracted. The contract the Sacrament. together with the evil conse- quences following upon the neglect of separate treatment. between in the intimate life Indeed. only the Church can say what impediments render the contract unlawful. It will it. and what conditions affect the lawfulness. feel that they have a if Mere acquaintances common and lasting bond This intensified between them feeling they are both Catholics. is of the contract. the advantages of such a condition. vital importance. They will all be found to be eminently practical and possessed of a special aptitude to foster that pure and passionate love which the young people value so highly.46 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD all guardianship of right to say the Sacraments. She has a right to say what conditions afiEect the validity. under the of " Prohibi- . The impediment title is classi- with two others. and. The first qualification that a Catholic would look for in a partner for life would be that the partner should also be a Catholic. need a here to be sufficient say that the Church regards the matter as of the most fied. and null what impediments render the contract and void.

most fittingly accompanied with ban- . course." These two also will recom- mend themselves as obviously conducive to the safe-guarding of the Sacrament. Again. and act all regardless of the divine ordinance that for the sake of his father ever. And indeed parents. since the Church regards marriage as a great Sacrament. The law the law of the Church sanctions With reason. The other It is is that which requires the consent of parents. matrimony a man shall leave and mother. it. howthe children will not go against the wishes parents of their without first consulting their confessor. then. nature compels it. The one is the is proclamation of the banns. does the Church oblige chil- dren to consult their parents in the matter. do of watch their children most anxiously. It happens as a rule only once therefore. is in a lifetime and. by which each party protected against possible fraud or mistake.CHOICE OF A MATE t'lon 47 of the Church. cases Of may and do is arise in which the consent of the parents unjustly held back. especially the mother. Some parents chil- out of mere selfish love dislike to lose their dren. she encourages her children to celebrate it with great pomp and festive joy. part of the solemn duty of parents to watch over the children in an affair of great consequence. In case of dispute.

oftener than otherwise. A third condition for a lawful marriage is that neither party shall be engaged to any one else. in Lent until Low Sunday inclusive. ever. It would. There are three points of view from which a previous engagement must be regarded. No man ment until of honor will enter into a new engagebe- he has been formally released from any previous engagement in which he may have come involved. a legal aspect. how- quct and merry-making. A marriage may. to his pre- . that mar- riages shall be discouraged during the seasons of Advent and Lent. be needless to say that he ought not to make serious overtures to another partner until he has been released by the first. The Church ordains. but it must be celebrated without any of that external display which would otherwise be so fitting on such an occasion. is it is the ap- pearance of a new face which satisfaction with the old one.48 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD All these things. It has a personal aspect. therefore. perhaps. however. be permitted during these times. would manifestly be out of place during times S€t about for the more solemn religious exercises. the cause of dis- A man in such a predicament owes it both to himself. in Advent until the feast of the Epiphany. for. and an ecclesiastical aspect.

The pre- vious partner. may have is legal rights to com- pensation for breach of promise. Then again there the ecclesiastical aspect of recently been changed. she gives the warning and protects young people against imprudent engagements. or at least two witnesses. but without such an agree- m-ent the engagement will not be binding in con- would produce a legal effect and a social effect. It of proper formality. more. the matter. First. 4 — engage- . it would hold good in the eyes of the law of the country and Nay. through want science or produce any canonical effect. The claims of society demand that neither girl should be kept in a false position. in the eyes of all respectable society. Of course. Thus the Church protects the weaker party in two ways. and to his prospective partner to arrange an honorable settlement as soon as possible. still those invalid espousals would render a person liable to all due restitution or damages just as if they were valid.CHOICE OF A MATE 49 vious partner. signed by both parties and signed by the parish priest or ordinary. although the espousals were invalid. couples may marry lawfully without such an agreement in writing. although there would be no obligation to marry. too. The law has and henceforth only those engagements hold good in ecclesiastical law which have been made in writing.

is but it is unlawfully burnt If I down. Secondly. similar betrothal. vow may If there has been vow of any kind. If I bum down my neighFurther. it do something contrary. a vow of a to do one thing to a hindrance to the making rarely. there are a bor's haystack. derstand the difference between what is unlawful and what is invalid. and under circumstances der the due consideration of the dignity of the Sacrament. for there no haystack left. my to action both unlawful and invalid. but not lawful. but also null and void. My my is action valid. she obliges the guilty party to make fitting restitution for all the material loss in which the innocent party may have suffered consequence. does this impediment arise that be a left for individual treatment. the matter should be mentioned to the confessor. is it is validly burnt down. . is to that of previous the impedimental vows. but have do so. number of impediments which not only render a marriage unlawful and Let us clearly unsinful. So however.50 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD when innocence and ignorance hin- ments entered into without deliberation. I have failed intended to take my neighbor's life. shoot at neighbor in the dark and miss him. Another impediment. is Obviously.

CHOICE OF A MATE

51

Likewise there may be certain attempts to get married which, on account of certain impediments, produce no effect. Such ceremonies are both unlawful and invalid.
It
is

the duty of the priest to

inquire whether there be any such impediments

before he allows the celebration to take place.

Most

of them are so rare as not to need public
the banns are published the faithful are
if

treatment.

When
told that

they

know

of any impediment, either
or spiritual relationship,

of consanguinity,

affinity,

they are bound to declare the same as soon as possible.

The impediment

of spiritual relationship

is

that which arises out of the Sacraments of Bap-

tism and Confirmation.
tionship are reduced to

The chances of this relaa minimum by the custom
and a

of having a

man

as sponsor for the boys

woman as sponsor for the girls. The two great diriment impediments,

therefore,

which need to be carefully watched by young
people are the impediments of consanguinity and
affinity.

Consanguinity
;

is

the connection of blood

relationship

affinity is

the connection of relation-

by marriage. The Church excludes marriages between persons who may be related to each other within certain degrees of relationship. She thus forbids marriage between first, second, or third
ship

52

MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
and
also between a

cousins ;

wife's sister.

man and his deceased These are the more common cases in which difficulty arises and which need to be carefully guarded against. In some of them, of course, which are not involved in the primary law of nature the Church may grant a dispensation. Nevertheless, she regards them as evil, and only
grants dispensations in order to prevent greater
evils.

The

disastrous results of intermarriage are
It leads to deterioration

well known.

of the race,
to a general

to insanity, to physical deformity,

and

weakening of the

social bond.

The Church,

there-

fore. In setting her face against such marriages,

proves herself to be the friend and guardian of
the temporal, as well as of the spiritual, well-being

of her people.

Now, although the Church
their good, yet at the

is

very

strict in limitIt is

ing the freedom of her children whenever

for

to their

same time she leaves much Those who therefore, must look forward to a happy marriage, avail themselves of that freedom which the Church allows, and use also their own sound judgment and common sense. In this sphere one cannot lay down hard and fast rules. What is good what is perin England may be bad in America

own

Individual judgment.

;

missible in one degree of society

may

be Inadvis-

CHOICE OF A MATE
able in another.

53

The custom

of the country or of
is

the particular sphere of Catholic society

a point

which must always be considered.
a

Nevertheless,
offered.

few general suggestions may be
Character or virtue will be the

first

quality to be

sought for in the choice of a mate.
are honesty

nant and essential virtues expected from the

The predomiman
especially

and

sobriety.

These are

manly virtues. In the natural order it is the sense of honor which will keep the husband faithful to his wife, and insure for her that respect, care, and protection to which she has a right. Sobriety, too, is absolutely necessary for the making of a happy home. The love may be there and
the fidelity

may
if

be there, but they will be in

constant peril
ness.

they are accompanied by drunken-

And

if

drunkenness be a failing during the

days of courtship, a reform after marriage cannot

be expected.

The

pity of

it is

that girls are only

too eager to find excuses for a lover addicted to " Oh, but he is as quiet as a lamb this failing.

when he
break
off

is

sober! "

The

only reliable advice to
is

give to a girl with an intemperate sweetheart
the engagement at once.

to

nant virtue expected from the
in avoiding occasions of sin.

The predomiwoman is chastity.
it is

This will be measured by the care which she takes

Here

not a ques-

54

MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
all

tion of having sinned grievously, but of a constant

observance of

those habits of modesty,

reti-

cence, sobriety of language
all,

and

gesture, and,

above

utmost decorum in

all

necessary intercourse
sex.
felt

with members of the opposite
habits which can be observed
effectually than they can

and

They are much more
In
fact,
is

be described.

every Catholic girl knows them, and no one

so

observant of and sensitive to them as the honorable

young man who comes to pay court to her. Next, compatibility of temper must be examIt is

ined.

easy to discern.

Quarrels during time

may be reasonably excused from time The proverb that true love never runs smoothly implies that, in the common estimation of
of courtship
to time.

mankind, lovers' quarrels are a part of the business
of love-making

among

those

who

are not angels.

But there are some lovers whose courtship seems
to be one perpetual quarrel, one everlasting carping,

jealous insinuation,
life

ously such a

marriage
is

state,
off

and complaint. Obviwould only be accentuated in the and the sooner the engagement

broken

the better for both parties.

The
more
leaves

question of health, too, ought not to be

overlooked.

In earlier days the Church spoke

explicitly
it

on the matter, though now she

to the parties themselves to decide.

The

and may not be overlooked. for- But the cases of those hunting after a larger tune and higher position are only too frequent. Certainly many happy marriages have taken place between persons far removed from each other in age. there the question of passion and perit sonal beauty. Parents have a duty toward their prospective spring as well as to themselves. Let be said at once that passion . The wealth. As a counsel of perfection stances to abstain this abstention is it is well in such circum- from matrimony. questions of age. heredity is off- The has science of anything but an exact science. These. then the advice of a medical expert should be sought.CHOICE OF A MATE cases in which the difficulty 55 arises most frequently are those of insanity and consumption. And it is these who come is to grief in married life. social standing. than the seek a A young person will not naturally much older one with a view to matrimony. and position. however. are exceptions rather rule. who contemplate such a marriage ought always to consult a specialist previously. however. it consumption. Those. Lastly. But where fraught with moral danger. the treatment of vastly As for now been so people either improved that very many consumptive may now marry without serious danger to each other or to their offspring. fortune.

too.S6 is MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD itself. but a perfecting and realizing of it. then those limitations of choice are the conditions of a wider and nobler freedoiji. applies to not a thing in in be The Church. proceed prosperously. it not a bad thing in It is only bad when it overrides reason. and reign. The great principle to be kept before one's in the choice is mind. by the law of reason. remem- ber that that law duly observed will probably salvation mean from some of the most horrible calami- . of a mate. Only when opposed to the fear of God is beauty said to be vain. and form fallacious. by the law of the Church. is that the Sacrament of marriage not a crushing or a cramping of human nature. If it seems hard to have one's choice limited to a partner of the same religion. then it may be prized for what it is worth." So long as it is kept in due subordination to the gifts of character and virtue. If it seems unfair to have one's choice limited to those who are not of blood relationship. that beauty itself to of form and looks despised. If limits have been placed by the law of God. her office of virgins. : them the words of the psalmist " With thy comeliness and thy beauty set out. remember that that law duly observed will be a safeguard against a multi- tude of more irksome limitations in the future. therefore. Let is be said.

prevent love from degenerating into mere passion.CHOICE OF A MATE ties 57 If love which can befall the marriage limits set to it state. seems to have that those reasonable limits by reason. and insure for it a strong and . remember are the barriers which lasting endurance.

all beautiful. She wishes her dren to conform to the ideal as nearly as possible. She ever emphasizes in this ideal even though she knows that manychil- cases it will not be realized. She has regard to the weakness. Consequently she condescends to them. always acts as a good and kind mother.CHAPTER V MIXED MARRIAGES The Church. Her divine message sets is The ideal which she before her children is a perfect ideal. She knows that the Sacraments were made for men. wisdom she finds that the weak ones cannot what she wishes. she allows. mixed marriages are the grace which the Sacraments convey. within certain that which is less good. not the Sacraments. men for She prefers. as well as to the strength of her children. . in her dispensation of the Sacraments. and where in her realize limits. then. Strictly speaking. to administer the Sacraments with certain accidental imperfections rather than allow her children to go without For this reason she tolerates what are known as mixed marriages.

The bond between man and wife is as the bond between Christ and His Church. to undfirstand clearly why the Church looks so unfavorably on such marriages we must keep before our minds the nature of her ideal. that of one infinite substance. They fall below her ideal.MIXED MARRIAGES of 59 those which take place between baptized persons. The chief characteristic of the is its Christ and His Church absolute perfection. comparison. Nowhere can distinctness and unity be so complete as in the bosom of infinite. a love which issues in the person of the Holy Spirit. indeed. then. is that which takes place between a Catholic and a Protestant. A mixed marriage. intense intimacy bond between and by another Christ. the blessed Trinity. In order. . likens it to the substantial union be- tween Himself and His eternal Father. whom one is a Catholic and the other a non- Catholic. the ceremony performed between a Catholic and a riage in the sense of the Jew would not be a mixed marword as we use it. which enables them to communicate to each other an infinite love. Thus. generally speaking. The distinctness is each to and thus enables the Father and the Son Their unity is receive an infinite love. although the Church tolerates such marriages under certain conditions. yet she ever deprecates them. Now.

Any suggestion of dif- ference of thought between the Fath«r and the Son. a The Sacrament of marriage is a great mys- shadow of the mystic union of Christ and His Church. carries . And since the union of man and wife has been likened to the union of Christ and the Church we conclude that that also must be of a nature far more intimate and far more perfect than we can ever hope to comprehend. or between Christ and His Church. a shadow of the eternal and substantial union of the Father and the Son in the blessed Trinity. The Church and Christ do not make up together one substance. The Church exists to The first speak the mind of Christ. is a finite crea- and incapable of giving an infinite Christ. we conclude that it must be of a nature far more intimate and far more perfect than we can ever hope to comprehend. The Church. tery. of course. Nor again is the union between Christ and the Church a substantial union. and foremost reason why the Church deprecates mixed marriages is because they spoil God's ideal. Christ came on earth to speak the mind of the eternal Father.6o This ture MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD is a type of the union between Christ and His love to Church. But since that union has been likened to the substantial and infinite union of the Father and the Son.

which It unique of its kind. Yet. therefore. if they could only see the connection between faith and love. The Catholic faith is the most precious treasure. moreover. faith. who. there are few people nize the irregularity. believe in in tell in the against love in is the gift by which we His word. Without the full ac- Faith God and in . the most sess. They and where it is a question of so much love the faith must accommodate itself are madly to circumstances. It is who do not recog- only the immediately interested couple.MIXED MARRIAGES with it 6i the evident this mark of From absurdity. illustrious It is adornment. If one article be in the slightest degree the whole faith in rendered A marriage union. cannot see that it is a matter of the highest importance. own absurdity. Indeed. in love. we may gather its something of the imperfection of a marriage union in which the parties profess different faiths. which one party makes profession of Catholicism and the other of Protestantism cannot be but an ungraceful thing in the eyes of God. cannot combine or make terms with changed only is any other vain. they would have to recognize that diversity of faith marriage union must eventually the marriage union. for the time being. however. Without belief God we cannot love Him. which a man can posis a possession.

then. The Church has weakness of human mixed marriage. her eyes wide open to the when she tolerates a Is A mixed marriage a real Sac- . it at least fails in its possible measure of nature fruitfulness. part of the non-Catholic partner must in a measure react on the Catholic partner. Grace is powerful. this absence of faith-informed love on the very act. or if discovers itself misunderstood and unappreciit ated. is all But mixed marriage the faith on one side. its Real love is that only which has faith for in the It foundation.62 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD word we cannot follow His comordinances. if it It receives an inferior love in return. ceptance of His We cannot live in sympathy with that wonderful system of morality by which He adjusts and fosters the love between mands and man and man. does not flourish with Fur- that fecundity which would be present were the parties united in one and the same belief. if does not dwindle away. but it needs a nature upon which to And if the faith-informed love of the Catholic partner finds no response in the non-Catholic partner. Thus olic it is that the Protestant married to a Cath- cannot avail himself of the teaching and the Sacraments of the Catholic Church which might be so effectual in fostering love between man and wife. ther.

The non-Catholic must give an explicit promise to this effect. Any to attempt to compel or persuade the Church. is a dishonorable violation of the condition and promise. to go to a Protestant stay away from Mass. The case is Catholic party may be. The Church by a long experience knows that such attempts are only too common. or to abstain Catholic from Confession. He may not make any contrary conditions. Sometimes they are done openly and menacingly. insists on the condition that the Catholic partner shall not be hindered in the practice of the faith. when she mixed marriage. and all 63 the graces of the Sacrament are it. there Over and above the is naturally an ever-present danger of the Catholosing the faith. Therefore allov/s a it is that the Church. certainty lic of spoiling God's ideal there the disadvantage of risking the loss of faith altogether. they are done quietly and in a friendly way. perhaps.MIXED MARRIAGES rament. as the human nature is so weak. either before or after the marriage. The Catholic is perhaps too late . Numberless are the occasions when the danger creeps in. capable of being conveyed through graces though these through the may often fail in their effects want of disposition in the non-Catholic party. but as may do his or her best. Oftener.

is In this. Is in themselves. come to Or it may be merely under Protestant auspices. a Catholic joined to a Catholic in marriage. Then is : tion of the non-Catholic the obvious sugges" Oh. wherever one partner Protestant. Avoid comthe first pany where you are another overtures religious likely to meet a partner of Reject persuasion. a bazaar. is made by one who not of your faith. an excursion surely one our Church for a change. and degree. as in all other dan- prevention better than cure. and generally subject to Catholic influences. but they lead from one thing to another. They seem harmless enough to the religious.64 for MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Mass on Sunday. make up your mind at once that only by strict observance of the conditions laid . these social functions are so many pitfalls. Foster a strong dislike for mixed marriages. and who is without all ! those helps which an entirely Catholic family provides. But for the Catholic who is the partner of a Protestant." a social gathering — cannot be so narrow as to object to these There would be less danger in them for a Catholic who was out and out a Catholic. from the social Indeed. if circumstances have been too many or too strong for you. well. Then. a tea party. the opportunities of perversion are as persistent in their frequency as they are subtle in kind gers.

The is child pertains to the ideal of the great Sacrament. the one in the person of the Holy In the mystery of Christ and His Church is bridegroom. if kingdom of heaven. of chil- dren for the kingdom of heaven. faith 65 and your hope The fostering of mutual love. is the begetting. in The Church. however. No demonstration is needed to show that only when both father and mother are united in the faith can those early impressions be 5 . must be so ordained as to be an apt principle for the bringing forth and for the educating of children in the Catholic faith. and educating. it the Sacrament of marriage must be true to its mystic types. The chief end of marriage therefore. faith is The so Important for the child. even is the most perfect and most spiritual love. and they are united for the purpose of bringing forth children for the So. the other the bride. not the chief end of marriage. mixed mar- her legislation for riages has a special care for the children that may be born of them. In the mystery of the blessed Trinity it the united love of the Father and the Son. Ghost. and child- through those impressionable days of hood and youth.MIXED MARRIAGES down by the Church can your and your love be saved. that first its influ- ence should be felt at the all dawn of reason.

however. and for the sake of avoiding some evil. tion. must inevitably on the character of the child. When. and suggests that the girls shall follow the mother while the boys follow the is father. He has already received the Sac- . Further. must be brought up in the Catholic faith. the Church has also a cure for the non- Catholic party. therefore. greater then she places a special condition in favor of the children. Let it be clearly known that the Church knows nothing of such half measures. According to her law every child of a mixed marriage must be brought up a Catholic. less she permits it as something good. Oftentimes the nonCatholic party proposes to meet the Church half way. without excep- there must be no compromise.66 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD imparted. The non-Catholic party the children must must explicitly promise that all be brought up in the Catholic religion. for both have been bought with an infinite price. In the interest then of the offspring the Church looks askance on the mixed marriage. efficiently A different faith. in either one tell or the other. The soul of a boy is just as valuable as the soul of a girl. In their education. All. and the soul of a girl is just as valuable as the soul of a boy. There must be no compromise. And made the idea prevails In some quarters that the Church willing to allow this.

His rebellious state may be due to no fault of his own. But the two conditions concernif ing the faith of the wife and the children. He is a subject of the Church. albeit a rebellious subject. however. is How is one to know whether there breathe where any hope of a professing Proteswill? tant becoming a Catholic? He Does not the Spirit Must the non-Catholic have already entered upon a course of instruction? The practice of the Church does not require the 'in manifestation of such clear signs as suggested the last question. tends to the preservation of the faith of the Cathohc partner. seems at considerable first sight to be fraught with difficulty. Its application. recognizes and consequently makes a dience.MIXED MARRIAGES 67 rament of baptism and now he receives the Sacrament of matrimony. tends to the eternal salvation of the non-Catholic partner. however. The reasonable- ness of the condition is evident. would seem to go a long way . special effort to to her obeShe places a third condition to a mixed win him back party marriage — the Catholic must strive to bring about the conversion of the non-Catholic. tends to the preservation of the faith of the children. and he may not recognize his rebellious it state. The Church. The condition tends to the perfection of the ideal. gen- erously fulfilled.

to keep three things well First. because they endanger the faith of Thirdly. that all children shall be educated as Catholics. toward his wife If the non- Catholic party willingly signs the declaration that may have the free exercise of her religion. Evidently he has some good will toward is Presumably he not resisting grace. God will some day prove We must strive. may be brought up Catho- then that may be deemed suiEcient grounds for hoping that he. they are some- the Catholic party. Secondly. Under such conditions one grace of may reasonably hope that the effectual. -and that the children lics. . then. and that there shall be a reasonable hope of the Protestant becoming a Catholic. and because they endanger the faith of the children. may some day become is a Evidently he not fighting against the Church. times tolerated in order to avoid greater evils. the union of marriage its is a great Sacrament. and then only on the three conditions that the Catholic shall have free exercise of religion. mixed marriages are discountenanced by the Church because they spoil God's ideal. too. and to the union between Christ and His Church. to the front of the Catholic consciousness.68 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD fulfilling the third condition. it. having ideal likened to the union between the Father and the Son. Catholic.

" he said. This time. " I do not know how it is. When the creator Twashtri had made man he gathered together a million contradictory elements." said. and out of them he made a woman sented to the man. only three days had gone by when " the man came he once more to the god." my all he said. " My lord. " the creature you gave me poisons existence.CHAPTER VI BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE There is a very old first Hindu legend is in which the making of the woman described in this wise." time. " my life is very solitary So Twashtri took the since I returned this creature." So Twashtri gave him the woman back again. My lord. She babbles unceasingly. she takes my ill. she grumbles at nothing. whom he prebe- After eight days the man came " dissatisfied. however. My lord. and is always woman away. . But after another eight days the man became again uneasy.

beg of you to take her away. " I can neither live with nor without her. under the influence of matrimonial Marriage grace. It is their mutual life and constant adjustment of mind and heart. Go and do your " But I cannot live with her.70 but MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD somehow the woman I gives me more annoyance " than pleasure." cried the god." cried the man. is that The when man and woman are joined together underlying truth matrimony neither of them is perfect." he said. love your wives and be not bitter toward them. to St." Since that story was written thousands upon the conflicting thousands have felt experience which the story expresses. which is to make them perfect. best." But Twashtri would not. be obedient to your husbands as you should be in the Lord. He was not necessarily giving a and comprehensive description of the mar- ." Doubtless the Apostle was writing to correct certain abuses prevalent among the people to whom full he wrote. Husbands. Let us acts. " Woe is me I " mourned the man. in is one of the means of their salvation. refer Paul to see how the grace He touches two sensitive nerves when he says: " Wives. " Neither can you live without her.

especially that portion of them which speaks of the obedience of wives. the whole human race. " reading the epistle in the light of present day abuses. and should between two persons. How many women there are now who. in the love of the Father and the Son issues Spirit of love. for it is the failure to appreciate their true nature which issues in multitudes of other evils. affecting not only individual families. 71 Forgetting this. and child.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE riage ideal. " cannot stand that man Paul ! Let our consideration then be confined to these two virtues of conjugal relationship." The if Apostle is evidently referring to a neglect on the part of the husbands. God is the love of the love It Is the blessed Trinity. In the family the love of husband. He it is not talking as love were to be a one-sided requires that exist at least affair. personal A religious must love God before she can love her neighbor. nations. but communities. Husband and wife . The very nature of love should be reciprocal. " Husbands. nay. wife. love your wives. In The it ideal love requires three persons. The The love between two is the inchoate and root love which issues in the perfect love between three. love and obedience. In the religious it is of God and of one's neighbor. many people have misunderstood the Apostle's words.

quality of a In our endeavor to emphasize the woman's love we may not undervalue her intelligence. It is always flowing. not so great as has been frequently supposed. But she can love her that she possesses children more when she knows nature of also the love of their father. a more careful cultivation. is man toward the woman is needs a more careful watching. The ulties. The such that the love of the man and woman. however. however. is A woman's love as a torrent which It has been used even by God most forceful analogies by which to make men realize His love for mankind. between the two fac- the faculty of loving and the faculty of is thinking. happens that a wife who is without a husband's love can take refuge in the love of her children. difference.72 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD their It often must love each other before they can love children perfectly. We must ever remember that woman is essentially a rational being just as man is. She herself is beginning to realize this all the world over. as one of the its nature so generous and so constant as to overshadow that other endowment of woman. One of the most remarkable phenomena of the age is the movement for the While admitting and emancipation of women. . her of intelligence.

On the other hand ordinarily speaking. however. and is There are exceptions. Generally. arts. The lines upon which the cultivation of a hus- band's love should take place will be decided ac- cording to the character and dispositions of the wife. in affairs of we cannot overlook the heart that she is the fact that the stronger. in commerce. usually find it more convenient to retire from their professions whenever they enter the state of matrimony. and exclu- It must be first of all affectionate. The . And simply because man is the working the brains of the family.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE asserting then the claims of 73 woman's it is intelligence. the lady dentist. brains of the family his faculty of loving needs a special culture. in the in the crafts. it is. his wife which should be devoted to absorbed in his business and family is or other intellec- tual pursuit. practical. the lot of the family. it must have the three qualities of being affectionate. But the lady doctor. man to be the breadwinner He it is who must use his brains of the in the learned professions. attention that his love if He has so many outlets for his he does not take the greatest care. and the lady professor. sive. Oftentimes the wife Half of the teaching profession consists of women.

It has been divinely foretold that such in the flesh. the very cares which tend cultivate such affection requires to lessen the affection ought to be the occasion of its increase. The need must be satisfied or it will shrivel away. out what sympathy. his and attention wife's feelings toward It is ex- himself. Then he ought to put forth a strong will in the frequent repetition of such acts. it should be so. shall have trouble it is. and the time of marriage as the time of prose. active will To and a keen intelligence. There is a tendency among men to regard the time of courtship as the time of poetry. al- though may There are far more cares in the married state than in the single. It is it women that they are to expect about half as much affection after marriage as very sad that be excusable. And there is an axiom among before. But it need not be so bad as Nay. The man ought to be a man. kindness. he ought not to allow himself to be moved merely by his passions and an feelings. her husband springs from the same affectionate If it is to flourish it must be fed. That is. which of their very nature tend to take the poetry out of life. tremely beautiful when an old Darby and Joan can . He little ought to use acts of affect his intelligence to find interest.74 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD woman for her children and double affection of a nature.

the pleasure of company. Some as a men there are so absorbed in their business or profession as to regard their wife and home mere accident in life. Frequently the wife can just toler- ate them. of studying each other's likes and dislikes.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE look back on a married tell 75 life of say forty years. Here again it is a question of external attractions against the attraction of the wife at home. of saying word which gives word which gives pain. the pleasure of the club. wife. and you with a knowing smile that they have not yet finished courting. the pleasure. a prolonged neglect of the practical side of a husband's love must wear out a wife's . Their business is not. Nevertheless. a husband's love must be practical. again. and family in comfort. only because by nature she has such a strong affection. a means of keeping one's self. the counter attraction may be only low pleasures. of avoiding the Secondly. as it were. but rather the wife and the family are the means of carrying on the business. Or. They have learnt the secret of cultivating affection. the pleasure of the public-house. are violations of the practical love due All from husBut that band is to wife. provided she gets the affection. of seizing upon adversity only as an occasion for deeper sympathy.

else he fails in one of the greatest duties of his manhood. twenty centuries' experience of human nature. Thirdly. sapped The husband's prac- tical love of his wife. Christian wife cannot for a The moment tolerate the idea which prevails In the Mormon is or the Mo- hammedan social systems. the broken and the strength of society at its foundations. a husband's love must be exclusive. has consequences reaching much His further than would appear at first sight. therefore. family is and then there is an end of all love. instinct If there is one that which is paramount in woman it is the love given to her by her husband must be exclusive. her health. And what the law of nature demands the law of revelation confirms and sanctions. The Christian dispensation in forbidding polygamy shows how much more it is in conformity with the laws of human nature than the other religions which allow plurality of wives. Even more peremptory the law of nature Nowhere.76 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD life is affection. She has had against the crime of adultery. however. her housekeeping. affection must be translated into action. are these laws of nature more carefully protected than in the Catholic Church. She knows quite well that those laws cannot be . her pleasures. his care for her dress.

that in the matter of purity the Church brands as mortal sin even the lesser faults when The true deliberately committed. for such is love is strong as death. the unchaste word. a series of seemingly less harmful the un- chaste thought. Therefore it is.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE observed by merely forbidding the grosser adultery or polygamy. it which may will make a special study and effort that his is wife shall realize that she the only one If this who of will has any attraction for him. He He will avoid even innocent attentions to others possibly give displeasure to his wife. are ordinarily found Although these qualities more pronounced and more . of that jealousy which would be hard as What practical. content with merely guarding against will strive all He he can in the opposite direction. then. has been said of a husband's love applies It equally to a wife's love. and exclusive. The way is prepared by sins. bear fruit on both sides. habit it thought and action be sedulously cultivated The mutual will be love be- tween husband and wife constant as to leave no so strong and room for jealousy. sins 77 of One does not fall into those sins suddenly. will not be sin. Christian husband. while leading an otherwise pure and blameless life. must be affectionate. the unchaste look. and actually the death hell.

then practical.78 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD natural in the wife than in the husband. must watch them." Like for all other social movements. There is only a slight difference in their order. so that her love shall be first exclusive. Bending to the first nature of the man. be obedient to your husbands in the Lord. or rather she. and then " Wives. must seek out opportunities of giving them free and healthy exercise. instead of making her love affectionate. she will simply reverse the order. is supposed to Let us see then what Is conjugal obedience. then exclusive. In his overlordship one will deny that in . persist in confusing the true obedience with false. affectionate. in condemning an obedience which no Christian wife render. then practical. Man was made first. Impo- tent of discernment. the is movement site the emancipation of women fraught with the danger of rushing into the oppoerror of that which is to be remedied. yet even the wife cannot afford to leave them to natural impulse. is the head of the and made lord of the earth. in this question Especially of the obedience of wives to hus- bands will he. No I some sense the husband family. She also must cultivate them. the agitator will purge away both the dross and the gold together.

He was to be the strong element. We all know the distinction between servile and yet filial obedience.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE To this 79 he was lonely and had need of a helpmeet for him. The one is the obedience of slaves. He was to be her protector she was to find her joy in the sense of the security of his protection. she the gentle. among the rest of tion. The only question is as to what extent. of wives is as much raised above The obedience tween servile obedience that of sons as that of sons is above that of the slaves. to his overlordship. as She crea- part of the man's goods and chattels. the other So. there the obedience of sons. Doubtless there have been many husbands who wives obedience have demanded of of a slave. Nor was she to be reckoned above man. likewise. was not to be reckoned. end was a woman taken from his flesh and bone and given to him to be his wife. their And doubtless such husbands are largely responsible for much of the present mis- . at least to some extent. she was meant to yield. helping him in those things for which by nature he was unsuited. Obviously. then. informed by the motive is of love. is informed by the motive of fear. Nor yet again was she to be reckoned as fulfilling the same office as man. She was to be his complement. a distinction be- and conjugal obedience.

frequently con- sulted. the choice of trades or professions for the children. due to the husband only is It not absolute. and ought to be. or perhaps when he is when he his' divines that his suggestion will meet with wife's approval. for inupon which the husband should say. however. everything which seri- ously affects the income of the family. Hard and fast rules. may say that the obedience of the wife within certain limits. — these evidently belong to the judgment of the husband. But having expressed her opinion she ought to abide by the decision of the head of the family. And a wife would be acting well within her rights were she to resent any interference in these matters. cannot be laid Much depends upon the temperament of and the force of circumstances. down. except have nothing to asked. The wife may be. It is is not due to him in those matters where rule. are points of servants and babies. it evident that the wife must All matters of business. On the other hand the interior domestic arrangements pertain to the judgment of the wife.8o MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Broadly speaking we is understanding of the nature and limits of wifely obedience. it is It is due to him in all those matters where evident that he must rule. The management stance. If a individuals .

no obedience is due to him when he is obviously demanding something contrary to divine law.BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE man eventually has to depend on his wife's 8i has failed in business. and he who would reduce it to mechanical laws must possess a higher knowledge than that ever yet possessed by mere man. but must disobey. however. decide by argument who through has the right to obey. In is all cases of doubt. In favor of Above have Is all things. command and who is the duty to The love In marriage a great mystery. . say three times. the presumption the husband. the obedience must Its foundation in mutual love. these are occasions when she not — only may. through life It be useless to try to success and and through death. and dowry for a livelihood. Again. however. then he cannot expect to have the same authority as one possessing the full complement of manhood. through adversity. to ask her to do something which is against any of the Ten Commandments. Unless there present that determination to love each other through thick will and thin. or upon another business built up by his wife. To require a wife to give up any of her religious duties as a Catholic.

as in all other functions of man. inevitably brings on nature's punishment. when you think of what you expected. In Such is a violation of the law of nature. So we come round again to the same old theme if you want to enjoy the Catholic ideal of a perfect marriage you must follow the Catholic rules. as Chesterton would say. to the end. . Now one of the chief means to happiness prois posed by the Church conjugal restraint. in all the other It would be very strange if animal tendencies she counselled moderation. virtue. and this. there can be life just debauchery in the pleasures of married excess and drinking. He who wishes for the end wishes also the means state of ideal happiness. happiness. and in this allowed unlimited indulgence. and compare it with what you have got. as in the pleasures of eating Yes.CHAPTER VII CONJUGAL RESTRAINT All who look forward to marriage do so as to a Yet how many fail to realize their ideal! It makes you jump.

however. and thus be prevented from abuse. but rather as to what helps to a higher happiness. In order therefore that there shall be no danger of indul- gence outside lawful matrimony. in The Church goes. brought under control of the guided by reason. and moderation is secured by rational restraint. that rational restraint is the way and fullest happiness in married life. for which it was it . the widest possible exercise is permitted within matrimony. restrained and con- trolled. The Church allows a wide freedom in the enjoyment of conjugal pleasures. to the fur- thermost of nature's limits before she says that such or such an act is sin. hand hand with nature.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT 83 and well-being are to be found in moderation. The what is question before us sin or is not so much as to no sin. the sexual appetite can be directed to the three great ends for which can it was made. The In its turn is illum- Thus. She never for a moment forgets that one of the ends for which marriage was instituted was that it should be a remedy for concupiscence. and reason ined by divine wisdom. is The root reason of this counsel to be found will is in the fact that by restraint the sexual appetite Is will. not to avail themselves of the whole range of nature's freedom. She counsels the marShe declares to the highest ried pair.

The third is the all fostering of conjugal love and affection. and to Its good bringing up when born.84 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD The order and higher satisfaction thus not made. illegitimacy. The married pair see in their offspring the continuance of their own life. the fostering of con- jugal love tends both to the Increase of offspring. and with it all the evils of jealousy. grow up and become settled in life. or divorce. incontinence would follow. or that their own daughter is to to see the child is married well and happily. third reasons minister to the Unless there were a remedy for concupis- cence. to hear that their own son is making his mark in the world. secured constitute the essence of happiness. its Sensual pleasure for own sake Is not amongst the recognized reasons for the exercise of the . and consequent avoiding of incontinence. Their joy know that a child is born to them. separation. The second and first. Further. quarrels. The The first and chief is the begetting of children. second is the calming of concupiscence. Let us see now reached. how this higher satisfaction is There are three ends for which marriage was instituted. and consequently three reasons which make the marriage act lawful and holy. But these minister to the perfection both of the indi- vidual and of the race.

there- fore. act. to its power. if 85 satis- It passes away with its own and indulged merely for that purpose has neither use nor dignity.' That was the error of Manicheism and Buddhism. own circumstances. It may be the serman it must be re- must not be crushed or destroyed. the existence and the welfare . But it must be moderated so that it may remain as long as possible a help towards conjugal love. To let it have destroy full fling is to lessen its keenness. it was made mere adjunct As a matter of fact It is a to minister to higher ends. to the marriage act. What is moderation for one partner be excess for the other. There can be no general law for everybody.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT marriage faction. is perverted and made an end kills in itself. intended to make it attractive for the benefit of the race. its must be judged according to In deciding this. In order that sensual pleasure vant and not the master of strained. and to render it disgusting. it If. towards the normal satisfaction of the sexual appetite. the love between husband and wife. it and if its higher ends are exclifded. is What may excess for one pair may be moderation Each case for another. and healthy family of its and towards the procreation of a large children. then it defeats the aim of matrimony. it shirks the burden of children.

gory. each one is bound to render the debt either partner should In- as often as reasonably asked. The cares of child-bearing are no excuse for the wife refusing consent. to point the the higher happiness rather than the low- . the wife would in such a case be justified in refusing.86 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD is of the offspring the first consideration. as far as possible. the other shall not be exposed For the sake of home and family. the duty of seeing that. Each partner then has to this danger. Complete debauchery will come within this cateSuch excessive indulgence may so weaken a man's will as to render him liable to incontiIn the interests of conjugal fidelity nence. nor yet child's education is the expense of the an excuse for the husband refusa difficult ing consent. supposed to be fraught with These are love's opportu- and love is given to overcome them. The way of intention of this chapter. however. nities. fication for refusing The only justi- something so serious as to involve danger of death. marriage is be willing to undergo serious inconvenience. Incon- tinence tells against the interests of the offspring. Not even is childbirth is a sufficient reason for refusing. is to indicate counsel rather than precept. or long painful illness. therefore. serious inconveniences. For such a sacred purpose deed.

St. it must be by must be only for a must be for the sake requires three conditions.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT est 87 degree of strict justice. secondly. for a time. your incontinency. and become the source of discontent and unhappiness in the family circle. except perhaps. it it mutual consent. and return together again. " All . But to can only deny the right is to put the other partner in danger of incontinence. Paul his is our inspired authority. The husband is not to take upon himself any extraordinary restraint without the consent of the wife. Such an act of injustice entail spiritual loss to all concerned. God instituted marriage as a remedy for concupiscence. limited time. that you may give yourselves to prayer. In laying it down is doctrine he is mere recommendation " Defraud not one another. Lawful restraint First. and thirdly. is to acquire a wider The aim of restraint and deeper spirit life. nor the wife without consent of the husband. by consent. of a higher spirit life. But is to do so at the expense of another's rights an act of injustice which of its very nature militates against the deeper life desired. lest Satan tempt you for careful to say that a and not a binding obligation." In the first place he defends the conjugal rights of each partner.

. however. about the times of it She recommends. Paul supported by the counsels of nature. all Owing this to the delicacy of the public conis science admonition It remains. will allow a and the Church are Nature if wide liberty. considering the extent to which repro- ductive powers are abused. solemn fast or abstention is the time of " Blow the trumpet in Sion. She gives ample warning as the If the of moderation are transgressed. and the bride observ- out of her bride-chamber." things have their season: a time to embrace a time to be far And the time most fitted for this feast. But nature is both kind and limits strict. directed so to admonish the bridal usually omitted. and religion promotes The Church makes no law this restraint. astonishing how the race its continues. call a solemn assembly: the bridegroom go forth from his bed. The counsels of St. let sanctify a fast. that be practiced at the times of the ecclesiastical fasts and festivals. to be read privately by those who will avail themselves of the wisdom of Mother Church.88 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD and from embraces." ances are mutually helpful: The two the abstention prorestraint. however. is At the end of the marriage service the priest pair. motes religion. It is but she will rebel she is over-taxed.

she visits the offen- ders with grave chastisement. It will be a strong help to the married couple to regulate their life within the bounds of physical fitness. There- will be is supported by grace. To all be explicit. and the seasons of But. Grace is all given to accomplish the ends of matrimony. but only one of counsel and can thus be changed to nature. The moderate exercise of the sexual life ought not to interfere with the working-life of either husband or is wife. will be the measure by which restraint judged. But fore this restraint it is needed for these ends. and the The woman is the minister of grace to man to the woman. not one of obligation. The married pair. The strength of the weaker partner. nature and religion. Nature will give the first warning against excess. once again. then. the rule is Ad- vent and Lent. suit each one's individual needs. the man. If the advice of the Church. be followed. Thus the Catholic ideal again seen to be the power making It tends to for family happiness. is This restraint It is not accomplished by unaided the result of a special grace of God which is conferred through the matrimonial Sac- rament. keep the parents . have the advantage of two guides. the Church mentions the eves of great festivals. too. then.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT excess be persistent 89 and grave.

There is an amongst the poorer classes. decency demaads that abstinence should be observed during the whole period of The same must be especially said of the time immediately following childbirth. although occasions this abstention during ecclesi- astical seasons is not of obligation. of good luck. and consequently promotes a reverence and love which debauchery would destroy. whilst for the other there danger of incontito suffer grave Rather than expose a partner to the danger is of sin the other partner bound . idea prevalent. In preventing excess pre- from becoming mere instruments of pleasure for each other. danger of grave is illness. is For one partner there nency. Common menstruation. vents the married pair Now. that it is bad luck to return to the married There life until the woman has been churched. or bad luck. and not adorned with the sanction of magic. is a Then comes the question of times of illness. yet there are when difficult it is of obligation. But it is good custom provided it is regarded merely as a custom. and it will then be to observe unless the non-obli- gatory restraint has been practiced.90 in MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD good health and consequendy tends to produce it a healthy offspring. no rule of the Church to this effect.

and wherever the line is drawn it means dissatisfaction for one or other of the parties concerned. the mind of restraint when it must be especially strengthened by the practice is not obligatory. indeed. The sands plight of the very poor calls for special consideration. writing various topics of the social question. yea. but is 91 not bound to go so far as It is to incur dangerous illness. who have no wages at A poor dock-laborer of Liverpool. then. is not practicable. also arise the necessity of There may traveler temporary separation on account of business. A commercial may be away from home for months at a time. who have thousands upon thousands all. powerful to create a return love and thus to weld anew the marriage bond.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT inconvenience. Whenever possible a man should take his wife with him on his travels. A sailor may be ordered abroad for a year or perhaps two. There are thousands upon thounot got a living wage. But since this. for many. How much better it would be. by which the stronger a partner would show a tender regard for the weaker. to me on . It would have become an effective extimes to ! pression of love. difficult some- draw the line. if both had practiced restraint when it was not of obligation It would have produced habit of mind and heart.

we were created for. Too well do we know with what anxiety the arrival of each little new-comer is looked forward means more to feed and power of the bread-winner is gradually growing less. whose only heritage was one of poverty and want. could I be blamed should I advise my sons not to marry till late in life. or else refrain restrict from marriage altogether. while the earning may in ever to be thus? Must we. the decline of much causing so " agitation throughout the country? is which . Many good earnest-minded men have often said of us workers. and so further the birthrate. that it was a crime for a man earning a small wage to marry and bring children into the world. " on the birthrate. we to." he says. the working-man for obeying God's law. as it clothe. responsible for his condition in life his family I or he who is and who prevents him from rearing in decency and comfort?' Although little look on children as precious heirlooms sent full from God. commit a serious crime against our own offspring ? And Which is the greater in this dilemma we inquire well ask ' Is it order to do what ' ' : criminal. But as the Church tells us that we are obeying the law of God.92 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD tells his story: thus very delicately "I will now touch briefly. and with knowledge that they beget happiness.

provided this can be done without danger of incontinency. it. This course. then. marriage the all spite of all poverty. having married. evil is closely- bound up with the economic speaks. or. . the ficial restrictions of the birthrate. marriage and remedy in the normal blessings of marriage. titution. but a mere compared with the It is a sins of incontiif nency which would surely follow forbidden to marry. that poverty is no are bar to the Sacrament of marriage. state. so does not go so far as to suggest the artificial restriction within marriage. is Of course there no reason why young people should not abstain from marriage until they have a living wage. entitled to receive all the graces The poor all and the joys which pertain to the marriage session of children. But Satan If it will be busy amongst those is who try fails. though. the procreation of children. indeed. is a deplorable evil. desis that trifle is. the poor were mere trifle compared arti- with those detestable sins against nature. and the posit Poverty in its extremity.CONJUGAL RESTRAINT The writer is 93 a good Catholic and This evil. may be profitably recommended and the Sacraments of the Church will be the best help in carrying it out. of which he Let it be said at once. abstain from the marriage act.

though largely at a physical and economic one. namely. controlled . and children. pleasure Whatever sensual may be incidental to this love. the marriage is if eventually to be made of the stigma of destitution. own animal gratification. fidelity to it and despoiled can only be by Church for his the complete ideal of the Church. the bond of intense. his wife. ious one. therefore. howseeks the higher well-being. The marriage bond is thus something quite distinct from lust. Love. Lust restraint needful for a The seeks any other end but ever. is The sexual question. The marriage bond has its likeness in the bond between Christ and the Church.94 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD And ideal it the avoidance of incontinency. wife. strong love. be selfless to a degree so that the weaker party has every consideration. regardless of its own Indulgence. all will be and directed to the higher well-being of husband. The love of the its married pair then will be tender above It will all things. and his family in reasonable and frugal comfort. for pertains to the complete ideal of the that a man should receive as much wages labor as will keep himself. bottom a relig- happy marriage wants religious illumination and strength. and the promotion of mutual love and affection.

whilst others. does His share at the will of the parents. Each soul is specially created by God and infused God into the body at the moment of creation. that it Some say is at the very moment of con- ception. and we rever- enced them: shall we not much more obey the Father of spirits and live? " There olic is a difference of opinion amongst Cath- theologians as to the precise time at which is the soul infused into the newly formed body. The first opinion is the more common. not until some time after. Hence Hebrews can the author of the Epistle to the say: " Moreover we have had fathers of our flesh for instructors. say body has been more perfectly formed. but not their souls. including St.CHAPTER VIII BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH Church teaches that children receive their bodies from their parents. Parents therefore share the dignity of parenthood. He has so decreed it as part of His providence. when the Thomas. with The God. For all practical purposes in .

prevalent in Nevertheless. good done to new life is good done to a human by anticipation. Happily the idea has not become Catholic families. Parents speak of it as if it were an ordinary way of being rid of an unpleasant inconvenience. life. inflicted All harm. Artificial means are adopted is in order to prevent conception which are not always successful. One of the commonest features of race suicide is which prevails to-day. either directly or by anticipation.96 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD it regard to marriage may be more profitably followed. receive one. for whether the soul comes at the moment of conception or later. which is God to may be on a on the new being all harm the inflicted human being. Likewise. Catholics need to be on their guard against the materialistic doctrine and its consequences. the destruction of the unborn child. the Church regards the new and independent life as existing from conception. is is And the sad thing that the opinion life spreading that such a destruction of child not a crime. Then recourse had is to the crime of abortion. If the it is new being has not got an nevertheless ordained by intel- lectual soul. either directly or The child is first duty of parents towards the unborn its to recognize the sacredness of life. therefore. Let .

still Perhaps more important is the influence which parents exert on the soul of the unborn child. the child has an especial right to protection. The supernatural grace will it be all the more fruitful if falls upon well pre- pared natural ground. But there can be no doubt that the heart and mind of the parents do exercise an influence. The science of education tends to throw back the time at which the formation of the child 7 mind . Perhaps it may be only in the natural order. on the unborn child. the child unborn has the right to every it shall not be hurt What constitutes dangerous occupations or amusements must be decided doctor insisted in individual cases by the family or an experienced is mother. by accident. is What is on here that there a moral obligation on the part of the parents to do nothing which will directly injure the third person concerned.BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH the truth be said plainly: All attempts to kill 97 the unborn child are attempts care that to commit murder. But even so this natural foundation is a preparation for the supernatural grace of Baptism. Again. for good or for evil. If anything. on account of its inability to protect itself. True it has not received Baptism and is incapable for the time being of receiving the cov- enanted grace consequent on Baptism.

or unhappy.98 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD Formerly the best teachers were reserved begins. And conversely. With regard to the mother. and particularly during the whole period of child-bearing. and chiefly the mother. At the time of the exercise of the marriage act. Then it was seen that the lower classes were of equal importance. The use of alcohol by the parents is proved to predispose the child to alcohol. both parents should be quite free from any effects of drink. And so on the important day was pushed back. it were better that she should be a total abstainer. Doubtless there is some exaggeration enough truth in them to show that the parents. or depressed. the mother is happy . during the time of childis a likelihood of the child being if tiresome. yet there is before they are born. there If the mind and heart also remother is cross. The dispositions of produce themselves. do exercise an enormous influence on the children in these sayings. too. Only by medical advice is it wise to take any alcoholic stimulant whatever. for the highest classes in our schools. for the period following on the birth of the child. The same advice holds good. and now there are educationists who say that a child's training begins forty years before it is born. bearing.

. and re-act upon his child. shares the honors of parenthood with God. He. or shows any marked tic distaste for the domes- inconveniences consequent upon the arrival of the new-born. He can do nothing better to make himself worthy of that honor. the better for himself and It is not his duty merely. it is his privilege. than by helping his helpmate to the full extent of his capacity. The pathy. the child easy to nurse. niggardliness. symmay likewise be named one word. and make himself a model husband and father. and the sooner the man settles his mind to this. in summed up in one word. his disposition will act upon his wife. of the burden. his whole household. The coming of a child duty may be The opposite vice means extra expense. will 99 probably be good and But whence comes this happy disposition in the mother? Almost entirely from the kindness and love of the husband. and he has received a least for the sake of his wife measure of grace to enable him to bear At and child he will cor- respond with that grace. together with his wife. He has been warned sufficient it. Hence the duty lies with the husband of taking the burden of marriage in the truly Catholic spirit.BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH and contented. If he is careless about his home.

and Life of the Wagner: " Pas- "The Right Unborn ChUd. hundreds of lives. D. Now in order that the Catholic mother it is may act according to well that she should be guided by a Catholic doctor. both published by Mr. . some operations are both lawful and praiseworthy. E. who advise operations which arc forbidden by the Church. There are some doctors with materialistic views." by Prof. Owing to the strictness of the Church tice in forbidding certain operations. toral Medicine. have been saved from destruction. Joseph F.D." by A. The doctors. about the possible dangers which it is may Indeed. The Cesarean operation. Sanford. thanks to the decrees of the Church.. both of mothers and of babes. M.^ and not only advise them in extreme cases but also in unnecessary cases. the prac- of midwifery in Italy has made enormous progress. better that her mind should be occupied rather with the healthy and spiritual aspect of the situation. which cannot be born in the ordinary way. Treub. On the other hand. M. and thus. that by which the child. thought out ways of avoiding them.loo MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD not necessary for the future mother to all It is know arise. is taken from the abdo' A full treatment of this and similar questions is found in the to following books. But dangers may happen which involve moral those principles principles. knowing that they were forbidden to do these things.

If this is certain. will take the whole being. When. it may be alive. The Sacra- ment administered conditionally. it must have every chance of salvation. Let the ceremony be per- formed its as quickly as possible. the truth must not be it If the soul there. Catha olic or non-Catholic. There to is no need for a particular examination as is whether the child is alive or not. this idea. the embryo with it covering. implies a grave responsibility in the cases of miscarriage. it has a right to Baptism.BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH men to loi of the mother. is The distinct doctrine that the child a separate and human being. alive. yea. The covering then broken so that . if If the it embryo which comes away is only live for a few moments. The question as is when may or ought to be performed a com- plicated one lic. The time is too precious for dehand. from the moment of concep- tion. On the other hand. consultation with one's spiritual director advisable. Many Still is people feel a repug- nance to shirked. it is one such. On the one may be dead. no Baptism may take place. the child tailed examination. is and hardly concerns the general pubit is raised by a doctor. however. for is of priceless value. yet capable of living only for a few moments. The doctor. or the nurse. and put in a basin is of clean luke- warm water.

and of the Son. saying at the same time the words with the condition above stated.102 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD The embryo should then be the liquid within flows out whilst clean water flows in. I baptize thee in the name of the Father. and not men for the Sacraments. known to the members of the medical and so the doctor must be the guide. than to run the risk when of missing them when It necessary. though be only the hand. there is danger of death to the mother of during childbirth. It is much better to run the risk of administering the Sacraments unnecessary." When there is danger of death of the child it during the process of being born tized conditionally. however. Where raments. The principle wants emphasizing. must pour water ized) on such part of the child as it is apparent. must be bap(steril- Either the nurse or the phy- but not the priest. that the Sacraments are for the sake of men. may be well at this point to call attention to is the special blessing which the Church ready to . sician. and of the Holy Ghost. moved about in the water whilst the person performing the ceremony says these words " If thou canst be bap: tized. This danger is present in all cases where operations are needed. she should receive the last Sac- The conditions danger are well profession.

BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH give in the case of dangerous childbirth. The churching of women is an act of thanksgiven by the giving to God But is for having been brought through a It is also a blessing it is difficult crisis. her offspring may come safely to light. " Accept." Here again the Church has foremost in her mind the higher welfare of the child. When. the brought to a happy and successful of its duty parents to see that is it is baptized as soon it as possible." she says. She has the tenderest care for the safety of body. this should be taken to church for eight days. 103 She implores the Creator of tiful figure all things. Church. and likely to take harm from the weather. of and be preserved for holy regeneration. There a widespread impression that bad luck . If the child is purpose within weak. under the beau- of supreme doctor and nurse. " the sacrifice of a broken heart Thy servant so that. and all unnecessary delay on the part of the parents is to a grave injustice to the child. As long as it remains unbaptized it is some extent under the power of Satan. then the priest is to be sent for. by the obstetric hand of Thy mercy. is therefore. but this safety of body must be directed to the safety of the spirit. not a Sacrament. a child has been birth. If the child strong and healthy.

on the other hand. but merely for considerations of health and convenience. she obtains a blessing for her- and her family. does not take the oppor- So ingrained is this idea that far many women look upon is churching as of more importance than Baptism. Baptism is. Now the ceremony of churching ever. time after childbirth. she goes as soon as she can. in it inter- preting this law. Provided the woman does not stay away out of contempt commits no self sin. whilst that of of no obligation what- There can be no It is comparison between the two. or if she have to attend to ness or other grave duty. does not binding under suffering busi- pain of mortal sin.104 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD first comes to the woman who. The make Church. but nothing more than a custom. going out for the tunity of being churched. for the ceremony. a praise- worthy custom to to go to church and render thanks God as soon as possible. the as the Church points to the law of nature more . she If. But wherever a nurse that she is is called in. the mother must see of good health and morals. then the Church does not exact this duty under any pain whatever. If the mother be from bad health. of nature demands that mothers should The law suckle their own children. this liberty Whilst allowing of substitute.

it she ennobles the law of nature by setting before whose Child was said: "Blessed is the womb that bore thee and the breasts that gave thee suck. be their glory to set the example to their poorer sisters. The Protes- become reconciled to and consequently has never learnt the lesson which it teaches to the whole Catholic motherhood. burden of her should rather so should not be beneath the dignity of It the dames of a worldly society." Any suggestion of substitution in this case thinkable. The poor child. and . object of a mother's tender nursing.BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH perfect ideal. is simply un- And it if it were not beneath the dignity full of such a mother to accept the office. nurse. but on every other that pertains to the care of the child. the world that type of mother of Nay. the tant consciousness has never This ideal is real- Mother of God. all who is taken away from her own has the dignity and feelings of richest motherhood equally with the the land. When the eternal God took flesh in the womb of the Virgin. ized in Mary. the mother's mind is raised and her heart en- kindled by the Catholic ideal. and as tending 105 more to the welfare of the child and the happiness of the family. care. woman in Not on this point only. born or unborn. and deigned to be the the title.

if show not the rose. rise.io6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD then was motherhood raised to its highgrade of splendor and magnificence. est and blood was given to the mothers of the world to show them the glory of their state. sainted love oh." . heaven lighted eyes. look divine is nor queenly grace? mother's glory lights the homely face. best memory of Blest dream of youth : . precious sacrifice Oh. new Madonnas the cheek there. age. they are to be instrumental to the forming of the Mystic Christ. real perfect flesh tal to the A Mother of forming of the Incarnate Christ. every day that goes Before the gazer. " But. What Nor The matter. She was instrumengrace. then was the law of nature made perfect by the law of affection. Oh.

in Adam alone was lonely. until we are safe in heaven. and must perseexhausted. The whole earth was to be replen- ished by their offspring. neither giving nor taking in marriage. and lonely more senses than one. shall be as the angels. first and most peremptory And is being such a fundamental law it has persevered until now. for the sake She was of companionship. until there is vere until this world no more use where we for the law.CHAPTER IX THE BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN When man in and woman were first joined together holy matrimony. but also for the benefit of the race of which he was to be the father. to be the co-principle with tion of the great human life family. a divine command was given unto them to increase and multiply and to replenish the earth. This was one of the laws of nature. not merely. Eve was given him to be his companion. him for the procreaShe was to be his his help in the life help in domestic and also of the race. . however.

by bringing soul. And as fruitfulness was dis- looked upon as a special sign of God's favor. do not alter. this same end of marriage remained procreation of children. through child-bearing. but The new sanctions. as a fulfilment of God's promises of prosperity. therefore. however." .io8 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD in the This natural law. Further. the procreation of children both for this world and for the next. therefore. by bringing them to their final salvation through her good example and zeal for Christian education. has natural law is mean- time been fortified by additional sanctions. moreover. so was barrenness looked upon pleasure or forgetfulness. she shall persevere in faith and love and holiness and sobriety. By bringing them into the Church through Baptism. a reflection of the divine The Mind. The many mother who had done her duty fulfilled in this matter had her highest destiny. the it but at the same time was raised to a higher plane. she had saved her own children into the world. as the chief. as a sign of God's when the contract of marriage was raised by Christ to the dignity of a Sacrament. emphasize the original law. ish dispensation. " She shall if be saved. Throughout the Jew- we find that fruitful- ness in child-bearing was ever regarded as a sign of divine predilection.

chil- family affection. of children toward each other. secondly a blessing to the State. because they are her own. with supernatural the family love faith. The family love the is so woven and interwoven. cise children are a blessing to the family. but rather increased. then . her love for any one of them is not thereby diminished. however. If she had to part with any one of them. the love of parents toward dren.BLESSINGS OF to God's blessing. is intertwined supernatural hope. because they are the children of her husband. and the family bond made indefinitely stronger. of children toward parents. They are each dear to her. result of This may be the merely natural affection. it according must be rewarded with God's it is first And. The mother of the Machasupernatural love. the more difficult it is to distinguish any one of them. No matter how many children a mother may have. she could not make the choice. is When. that. and the family love more keen and more satisfying. and because they are brothers and sisters to each other. indeed. Many First. the greater number of the threads. MANY CHILDREN is 109 Seeing then that this frultfulness will. they provide the opportunity for the exer- of one of the strongest instincts of nature. tually a blessing to and even- heaven itself. a blessing to the family.

But these are the very warp and woof of character. He certainly needs courage. manhood and wanting in the Christian. is a question as to whether he will face the task of working and saving for the means of bringing up a large family. who shirks the duties of in fatherhood merely because they involve a heavier In the case of the mother. incident to a large family of children. In the case of the father. and pos- which Is the greatest trial of displeasure . a question as to anxieties it is whether she sibly. will face the illness and the all. a large family is a means of developchilit ing character. there- wanting stamina of a burden. both in the parents and in the dren. He He certainly needs certainly needs the help of Sacraments and other religious ordinances.no MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD bees did not love her children ably more. Secondly. He is only a weakling. self-denial and self-restraint. And although her natural sorrow must have been one of the most poignant ever suffered by mother on account of children. manly fore. yet her supernatural joy must have surpassed it in intensity and have produced in her maternal heart a satisfaction far exceeding the natural void caused by her bereavement. but indescribsac- when she had to lead them to be rificed for the sake of God's cause. less.

is de- womanhood. rather than by force or harshness. since she sterner." And it is the glory of some wives that they know how to " manage " their husbands how to get what they want without crying or quarSurely. It is the mother of the family who has to adjusted. accomplishment worth cultivating. It is by her instinctive tact is and endur- ing patience that the family held together. to be able to rule by tact and by persuasion.BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN acts m The and neglect on the part of her husband. burden of motherhood then attractions of the trates her attention against flimsy It concen- world of pleasure. do all this. Further. the of the as contrasted to sex. Now over. And. velops her gentler. it must be an reling for it. There are few husbands who do not need some " managing. her numerous anxieties will develop in her the quality of gentleness. In a word. is It gives her an interest than which nothing more absorbing it and satisfying outside heaven. husband who then it unkind or neglectful or will bring out her characteristic of tact. a large family implies many relations to be many misunderstandings to be smoothed many arrangements for the mutual welfare of all. therefore. The . if she is is so unfortunate as to have a difficult. on the family.

the brighter does she shine as an example of motherhood. or. that it must have grown into a fixed habit by the time they come to separate and go their way in life apart. The boys have had their boyishness toned down by the gentle influence of the girls. a large family is means of strengthen- . rather than to defect in principle of give and take has been so often demanded of them and so often exercised. is a question of Who has not looked only one of self- with dismay on the spoilt the family? child. Thirdly. In the case of the children generosity or selfishness. pride. and vanity of two children. and their sins are due to excess of generIt.112 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD is more accomplished she in this office. tion as she has the greater And the greater will be her accomplishment in propor- number of it children to care for. while the girls have had their girlishness toned up by the strong influence a of the boys. the Who has not observed the ugly consciousness. the miserable two who have had no other compan- ions but each other during the years when the foun- dation of their character was laid? And who has not seen the beautiful unselfishness and generosity of the children of a family of seven. still. The even their faults osity. better of a family of fourteen? Why.

But where or eight the burden is divided. law of nature and the law of God that children should support their parents In sick- ness and old age. then he is doing an injustice both to his . It is. even as does the organization it of the physical universe. to support. When. Drones are a nuisance in . among say seven families. from motives of economHis view must be a broad one. then the aged couple have some hope of ending their days in reasonable and frugal comfort. MANY CHILDREN a worldly point of his 113 ing both the temporal and the eternal interests of Even from view a father is working against own interests in set- ting limits to his family ical selfishness. The law of nature pervades the organiit zation of society.8 chil- dren and to society. If the father has the pretension to go further.BLESSINGS OF the family. Again. and none the less does there reflect the both the mind of God. however. leave no we must remember that in most counis tries the provision of free education such as to room whatever for the excuse of economy. therefore. to leave his and two children enough Inheritance to save them from the necessity of working for a living. however. there there is only one child or two. and these have wives and families of their own is little oppor- tunity of supporting aged parents.

They do not all at the meet with adversity health. too. and a mother been . the each other in time many are a help to of difficulty. It is a burden. is followed by a handsome reward must is only it is generously accepted. as to leave practically difference in the difficulty of finding situations for and that of finding situations for two. This mutual support extends also to the sphere of faith and morality. business or low down in If one is overtake them. Nay. his low down in brothers and sisters are there to help him. by their larger number. In all stages of society the is work of bringing up a family of children to the father a burden both however. later in life. Owing to the absence of fraternal influence and education. each knowing that he or she may likewise depend on the others whenever the hour of distress shall same time. they have not got the grit in them to make them attractive to others. and the only girl rather who fails to secure a husband or a vocation. trades and profeslittle sions are so manifold. which if and to the mother. if we look around we shall find that it is the only boy rather who fails to make a good beginning. eight Then again. How often has not a father been kept to his religion. profit The children. The world so wide.114 every MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD line.

they were propagated ostensibly with a view to promoting the nation's welfare. If fruitfulness in child-bearing a bless- ing to the family. as such is Holy marriage a Sacrament and means of grace. have often I insisted on their children being taught religion and in a brought up good moral atmosphere.BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN 115 saved from temptation. and act effec- supplementary one. which goes a long way in the formation of public opinion which reacts on private opinion. by the thought of the children It is curious how parents who have given up the practice of religion themselves. tively. and no one can tell the multitudinous ways and times and places in which the a of the Holy Holy Spirit uses this instrument. The . likewise a blessing to the A man has reached a if high state of natural inter- virtue ests he can be so unselfish as to take the of the State as a motive for his own is. too. and evenhave been brought back is tually through the children again to God. must produce an it is effect on the life is of the State. as a It can. however. When the abuses of family life were first prop- agated. Human nature being what it such a motive can hardly be expected to work as the pre- dominant one. right conduct. State. The its life family being the foundation of the State. It is an instrument Spirit. It is a motive. act.

Statesmen. for such must come from a principle which . which have allowed them- have found out heavy cost the great mistake which they have made. The nations. And in America the sermon preached by President Roosevelt on the burden and duties of the married state. tells of the prevalence of the evil. and these abuses were introduced to reduce the population. to the evil. and Germany is wide awake movement has been set on foot Otherwise of war. it weakens the very life blood of the limited offspring which actually offspring is born. France stands out pre-eminently as the worst sinner of all. have discovered that abuse is a canker eating away the vitals of the nation. it weakens its power of defense. with no pretensions to selves to submit to these abuses to their high morals or a godly this life. it weakens its power of intelligence and morality. and emphasizes the fact that the evil is a curse to any nation. It weakens its power of production. this in the case to counteract the growing practice.ii6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD country was said to be overpopulated. however. prepared for emergencies would be her weakest point. England has to lament her decadence due to practices introduced from France. This a last year her death rate ex- ceeded her birth rate.

He has created creatures to give Him honor and praise. ing tells Fruitfulness in child-bear- eventually for the greater glory of God. That this is the mind of the Church may be seen from the enormous care which she takes for the happiness of infants. And the greatest honor and praise of this kind which can be given Him is that of man. and decadence. has chosen to surround Himself with an extrinsic glory. having provided this great hapHis creatures. It was made for the glory of God. therefore. however. possible to avail themselves of In this way He greater obtains His greatest external glory. It adds nothing to God's internal happiness. souls that are added to the number so much the richer is the music of hymn of praise. however. softness. The the number of elect. The Christian family. but is rather the expression and diffusion of God's love and goodness outside Himself.BLESSINGS OF is MANY CHILDREN 117 already marked by weakness. God. in order that they may apply the bap- . piness for God. its final for the State as for was not made destiny. He wishes as many as it. Her of the nature's priests are bound to undergo the gravest incon- veniences. The mutual Trinity is happiness of the persons of the blessed for the intrinsic glory of all sufficient God.

for since they have wilfully lessened the number of subjects of faith and love and holiness. . which reacts on the parents. they contribute to the collective eternal welfare of the race. they contribute to the greater glory of God. tismal water to any child in urgent need of Why is this ? It is because Christ has died for and It is purchased these children. but which we must do our spiritual efforts. and the apology offered the only permissible one. A diminution of is number in the children of the Church a dimi- nution of the Church's collective faith. the chances of their own salvation. It is a diminution. and holiness. they contribute to their own eternal welfare. presuming or all rather knowing that to do so will require our To work the hinder the course of nature. It is to pull is to interfere with God's plans. make up.ii8 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD it. too. great because God has chosen for Himself a number of elect souls. in the down His His Church militant. and love. Some apology which is is needed for even venturing to is speak of the abuse of matrimony. therefore. a number which we cannot best to count. and to lessen glory in the Church triumphant. they have wilfully lessened their own They have lessened faith and love and holiness. But letting nature have its way.

the law of God. is still widespread it If it is to be counteracted. And. A which few practical suggestions then are offered may serve to indicate the attitude which Catholics ought to assume cerning this matter arise. Advertisements of the most pernicious nature are flaunted openly in the news- papers. Seeing then the high ideal of matrimony which the Catholic Church sets before the world. Therefore It Is that her preachers have to speak out when they It is would fain keep silence. both by the private good living of 'individuals and by the formation of a good public opinion. that all every Catholic should set his face against approval or toleration of the abuse. the aim of which is and to make the evil as easily acceS" sible as possible.BLESSINGS OF and growing. clearly before one's when questions conThe first Is to keep fact that the law of nature. Non-Catholics now speak openly and without any sense of shame of their small families and of their Intention of having only small families. she must of necessity look with special horror on an abuse which does away with the primary end for which matrimony was Instituted. therefore. MANY CHILDREN The evil is 119 namely. to propagate Books are published. and the law of the Church mind the . must be counteracted. absolute necessity.

Natural motives as well as supernatural motives may be used for this end. A fourth is to take a holy pride a large family of well-brought-up Catholic children.I20 all MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD wilful interference with the due condemn any course of nature. A second is to protest vigor- ously against any opinions approving of such when proposed in conversation. themselves supernaturalized. But natural motives alone State A premium provided by the Christian principles must be . And if natural motives are offered and used. the family must be governed by Catholic faith and Cath- olic morality. which make in a trade in providing the means for the per- nicious practice. Natural as well as supernatural motives have been proposed in this consideration. and business houses. made the foundation of society life life that is. A third is to boycott all newspapers. books. . for every seventh child will not hinder the decrease of population. strictly it is only that they supernatural ones and that they may be added to the may be and thus become directed to a supernatural end. will not suffice.

CHAPTER X BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN Since children have ing a to remain with their parents for such a long time between being born and mak- home for themselves the mutual duties should be clearly defined. them. relationship between Creator its That act is the earthly analogy of the divine act of creation." This is the archtype of the relationship which should their children. exist between earthly parents and . The love which ought to exist between parents and children is founded on the fact of generation. And the Church has defined Speaking generally. providence. the parents owe their children love and education. The and creature. and so forth is visualized for us in the invocation of the prayer of Christ: "Our Father who art in heaven. preservation. Of education I shall speak in a special chapter. and obedience. whilst the children owe their parents love. together with all beautiful implica- tions of redemption. reverence.

" Go and see what Willie is doing and tell him he must n't. and prepare for by prayer and the Sacraments." The habit tends only to lessen the authority of. so much more will they be able to appreciate the ten- derness of the Fatherhood of God. as many of them seem first to suppose. sins. . If the towards His first earthly children that of love. nothing under flesh from their flesh. The habit of mind by which parents love their children constitutes the special virtue of pietas or dutifulness. then. This is difficult for mothers with large All the more reason why they should it recognize the fact. But this superiority does not. Their children are such. families. and. out of consideration for their souls as well as the souls of their children own will be ever on their guard against ang-er and loss of temper. In so far as the children are made to feel this. give them a right to treat their children harshly attribute of the heavenly Father is and inconsiderately. and respect and love due to parents. as God should be dearer to them. offences against it are Parents. Again they will avoid the habit of always finding fault.122 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD chil- Parents are certainly superiors over their dren. Consequently. then the is duty of earthly parents to their offspring that of love.

and the blame will parents. girls would be too much to expect absolute A mother who has had seven and then one boy would naturally give the preferences. It all things. God's rights come before a parent's rights. lie chiefly with the family Having first paid regard to their own virtues. but on the other hand they are of duties more importance than It is the title under which rights are held that gives the relative impor- toward one's neighbor. a sin against the virtue of Above ism. for God was . we owe to Him the very fact that we have parents. of course. Nay. tance to the corresponding duties. Such indulgence dutifulness. they will be careful not to by giving them is all they ask for. because we owe to Him more than to a parent. Duties toward parents are. he or she will ever be the cause of disturbance.PARENTS AND CHILDREN On spoil the children 123 the other hand. boy little But preferences ought to in the family be only such as the other children would willingly approve of. So long as one is is made to feel that he or she not in the same favor as the others. they will not show favorit- equality in all cases. the parents will next attend to the corre- sponding virtues in the children. of less importance than duties toward God.

is evident through the whole of animal creation. who endowed with a free . The love due to parents is one of the primary sensible affection of instincts of our nature.124 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD in the under no obligation to create our ancestors first instance. therefore. within the sphere of things per- taining to the family. Just as reverence. rather than give up is or neglect their young. Under is this then. have a right to exact obedi- ence from the children. to be true in is so in the lower creation. God is infinitely higher than men in dignity and so and re- requires a supreme reverence. this Some animals will suffer death If. rights. and obedience. so our parents are our progenitors and demand our love. and thus. our parents have a right to our love. ruler of the world Just as God is supreme and has a right to enact an abso- lute obedience. God our CreJust as ator and demands our love. because our parents gave us our very all the dearest of title. it how is much more ought raised so much higher and man. A parent's rights come before a neighbor's life. so the parents are the rulers of the family. The the parent for the offspring. and of the offspring for the parent. our possessions. so parents are relatively higher than their children in dignity quire a relative reverence.

being about to die. God Himself sanc- commandment with a special promise .PARENTS AND CHILDREN and intelligent will. offering to Ecclesiasticus." tioned this Indeed. until he should come to an age when he can look after himself. fect love 125 by which to enjoy a more per- and affection. preaches both the natural and the divine law when he says: " Honor thy father and forget not the groanings of thy mother: Remember : that thou hadst not been born but through them a return to and make them as they have done for thee. moreover an honorable and beautiful is at once apparent of making a willing his parents of a great love. By this reason he is able to reflect on the infinite difference between being nothing and being something. Reflecting on these things the grave obligation. what cares and responsibilities his parents have undertaken bringing him into the world and tending him." Likewise the holy Tobias when. obligation. and in in some imperfect way to realize. he spoke thus to his son: "When God my shall take shalt my soul thou shalt bury all body: and thou honor thy mother the days of her life: For thou must be mindful what and how great perils she suffered for thee in her womb. He is able to know. when she shall have ended the time of her bury her by me. there- fore. And life.

If once the real motive of filial love be grasped and the consequent heartfelt affec- tion be excited." may see more clearly now what kind of It love that of children to parents must be. All will flow naturally. and pleasant they . more. " Honor thy father and thy mother that thou mayst be long-lived upon the land which the Lord thy We God will give thee.126 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD it of material prosperity. easy. plaints of parents neglected in sickness and old age. all his actions. however natural. raised and spiritualized by grace. which even in times of an- noyance and dissatisfaction must be observed. It be that heartfelt love. there will be no need of forced outward deference. " Of what an evil is frame is he that forsaketh that angereth his father: and he cursed of God his mother. controlled and directed by the will. or rather supernaturally for with a person whose heart is right. Thus cultivated it will of necessity bring forth and conduct. and caused to be known ever afterward as the commandment of promise. There will be no more black looks or harsh words no more unseemly quarrels and aggravations." Nay. must must not be one merely of external deference. which is human affection ap- prehended by the reason. no more comfruits in external life .

This duty. nor yet that But it is that special kind of affectionate regard which reverence. therefore. of a slave to a master. It is It is known as filial begotten only by a certain attitude of mind. The reverential fear of God is the root motive of filial reverence of parents." him into the From the inward habit of mind and affec- tion there will flow forth the external reverence of words and deeds.PARENTS AND CHILDREN are. cannot exist merely as an external show. that brought world. Here. that a in- parent does things which tend to disturb that ward reverence. his parents " He that fearwill serve eth the Lord honoreth and them as his masters. It may happen. The superiority of parents involves reverence It is on the part of children. it often does happen. It cannot exist from any purely philo- sophical motive. Unless there is an inward ac- knowledgment to one's self of the parent's superiority under God. 127 are spiritualized and clothed with divine charity. must have its foundation laid in the heart and mind. The habit of mind must be cultivated of regarding parents as representative in some way of the superiority of God. not the reverence is it due from an equal to an equal. there cannot be true filial reverence. however. we are con- .

i We do not owe them good and But the foundathe bare fact that this reverence simply because they are . of making him reflect on his duty. Then this outward behavior will react on the inward soul and will tend to fasten the due inward reverence. To attempt to justify such conduct on the grounds that the parent has forfeited the reverence due to him is to have missed the chief mean- ing of reverence to parents. in such circumstances we can and ought to maintain at least an outward reverence of word and deed.kind and affectionate. is The child never justified in offering to a parent irrever- ence. our in- ward Still. " Honor thy father in work and word and all pa- . The exercise of control over our outward actions will strengthen our inward patience. and particu- cemed with larly with the duty of reverence on occasions when the parent has failed in his or her duty. undo Of course. And no amount their part can of subsequent neglect of duty on this fact. perhaps. Doubtless those qualities ido impose an extra claim on us. feelings are not always under our control. tion reason of our reverence ithey are our parents is and that under God they are bur superiors.128 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD the duties of children. and the effect of this inward patience will make itself felt in the parent and thus be the means.

that. the parents have a sanction given them to enforce obedience if need be. existence of a State The very dependent on the due obis servance of its laws. its obedience of children toward parents has reason in the idea of family government. and if they are bound to observe the by-laws of their community. Anarchy in the family tends to anarchy in the community.PARENTS AND CHILDREN tience. Filial and anarchy in the obedience. therefore. therefore." says St. " obey your parents in the Nay. dren. It is an exigency also of the divine law. and his blessing end." maintaining their rights and insisting on parental 9 . much more are they bound to attend to the foundation of the If." may come upon may remain in thee from the latter We The family come next to the question of obedience. the State. yet at the same time they must be firm in Lord. for this is just. a blessing 129 him. is The community and of bound to obey the laws of the country in which they live. They must avoid arbitrary and harsh treatment. State. men are the commands of parents is in all matters pertaining to the well-being of the household. Paul. So also the very existence of family life dependent on the due respect for parental authority. is an exigency " Chil- of the law of nature.

fathers. The children have not the right to choose the kind of house. the parents have charge of the children's manners and education. who account of this spiritual oversight they have a right to warn the children when the time draws near . First." Perhaps. on are fitting companions. And you. Thirdly. however. the hours of the meals.I30 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD " authority. cipline it is but bring them up in the disand correction of the Lord. it is man- ifest that parents have supreme authority in the management of household." Therefore that St. there are limits which it is well to know. they have the right and the duty of looking after the spiritual welfare of the children. obey in all things : your parents for this is well pleasing to the Lord. before But first let us be clear as to the extent we speak about the the limits. whether it is good to go to this dance or to that theatre. Paul says again: "Children. they are what are permissible amusements. Sec- ondly. provoke not your children to anger. the children may ask: "Is there no limit to this parental authority? Surely the time must come when I must think and act for myself! " Yes. entitled to say Consequently. the quality of the food. and therefore they have the right and duty of demanding obedience in behavior about the house. Further.

then the parents have gone beyond the limits of their jurisdiction.PARENTS AND CHILDREN for the Sacraments. In such cases it is not only lawful but of obligation to lay aside the parent. or 131 when there is any other it religious duty to be performed. If. therefore. but rather obedience to a higher law. command is of the Such a course of action only allowable not disobedi- ence. there is a corresponding duty on the part of the children of corresponding with the means pro- vided. easily wayward it persuade itself that child might was following out . is the right and duty of the parents to see to the proper fitting education of their children in them for the Consequently. Again. of availing themselves of the all the opportunities for improvement of mind and body which a consider the limits of parental thoughtful parent has afforded. are only supposed to be carrying out the God. any of their work of commandments are manifestly contrary to the law of God. of careful attendance at the school chosen. Now we may authority. But notice that this is when is the thing commanded If there is is manifestly against the law of God. this authority: First let us recall the root principle of the parents. in the exercise of it. any doubt the presumption for a always in favor of the parent. battle of life in temporal matters.

132 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD will. . and in setting aside the com- mand of the parent who interferes with the call of God. if If. but there conscience. God. If called to any given state of then is wrong for the parent to interfere with that call. the child bound to obey its parents in choosing whether to get married. or to become a priest or a religious ? We are tion. Conscience certainly supreme. and concerning which the Church has made definite arrangements. then clearly the child perfectly justified in obey- ing the call of God. the and the rights of children seem to clash. Among rights of the several kinds of cases in which the rights of parents. here dealing with what a vocation is is called a vocaIt is Now a call from God. known by certain signs which are recognized by the Church. and with which spiritual directors are well acquainted. there are two which are constantly arising. is need to guard against a false and the only practical rule is to obey the parent in case of doubt. God's out its while it was in reality only following is own perverse will. the child it And is the principle works both ways. present. therefore. life. The Is question concerns the choice of a state of life. those signs are is the vocation is sufficiently manifest.

Each virtue is limited by circumstances. the serGod must prevail. To is ignore the wishes of parents in such a matter no dishonor to them. therefore. Thus the virtue of dutifulness to parents is limited by the virtue of religion. or the worship of God. Whether the case be one of entering upon matrimony. then wrong for the parent urge the child. 133 on the other hand. Thus. God's call goes before the wishes of a parent. or religion. the child it is is not called to to a given state. to a parent to render him obedience when obedience to God demands some ored are quite contrary action. to enter that state. because honoring religion they taught the honor due to parents. or the priesthood. whenever the service of vice of it comes to a choice between man and the service of God. Virtue carried beyond this limit is no longer a virtue but a vice. but they are not at variance. the Our Lord indeed rebuked under the pretense of Pharisees. men to withdraw The virtues by which God is honored and by which parents are hondistinct from each other. It can be no honor.PARENTS AND CHILDREN If. Hence those plain : " He that loveth father and words of Christ mother more than me is not worthy of me and he : that loveth son or daughter more than me is not . either directly or indirectly.

" mother." ularly to there is an equally strong sanction as regards the Christ Himself said: " matrimonial ginning said : Have ye not read that he who made man from the be- made them male and female? And he For this cause shall a man leave father and one flesh. in order to enter religion. under the pretense of leading a higher in such circumstances is life. for in these circum- stances the call of God is not manifest. and character. ance by the order.134 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD These words apply more particthe priestly and religious states. to stay at care of the parent who may be or aged. sick. worthy of me. he must leave his parent in destitu- . the found that. and they two shall be On when vail. the absence of any obligation of supporting parents in need. there are circumstances to pre- the claims of the parents It is would seem not so in reality. fitness There are four tion. candidate for religious life therefore. acceptIf. It is when does the parents are so very poor that they cannot live without the support of their children. ability. the other hand. God not wish children to leave their parents in such plight. chief signs of a religious vocadesire. and shall cleave to his wife. namely: constant for the order as to health. The highest life home and take poor. though state.

The is priest God's servant through whose ministry God's graces are con- veyed to the therefore in soul. then the practical thing to do to consult one's spiritual director. and is matters spiritual entitled to the . He is trained in the the- ology of the subject. all He our spiritual father. By virtue of this division of labor it comes about that in addition to the love. contrary to the wishes of is parents. If in any given case they a child wishes to marry. one. that 135 vocation. if become a nun. seem to clash. he human none. To act thus the virtue of religion into a vice. either for forcing a vocation where there is or for destroying a vocation where there is He knows also the blessings that are in store for the true vocation faithfully followed. reverence. or to priest. would be a clear sign that he had no That one fact would mark the limits of the virtue of religion. or a its j or a monk. there is also a love. and obedience due is to spiritual superiors. he knows something of nature. knows the disasters that are in store. reverence. and obedience which children owe to their parents. to parents would be to turn Hence the duty clash.PARENTS AND CHILDREN tion. for and the duty to God cannot the limits of the one are outside the limits of the other. God could not possibly be honored by the entrance of one into religion under such circumstances.

136 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD And by the same also a claim title obedience of the spiritual children committed to his care. for the education and improveto his care. The in child. the master of the apprentice. The teacher stands in place of the parent or pastor. reverence. The have school- master. he may The lawfully expect from the child corresponding duties. the professor. in equal the love of a parent. of spiritual father- hood he has their love. — all these. therefore. therefore. teacher doing honor- the work'of God. in their own measure a claim on the love. he is On this ac- entitled to his share of love. the schoolmistress. and obedience. proportion as the schoolmaster takes upon himself the responsibility of training a child. and obedience of the children committed to their care. too. and doing so it does honor to . It is his duty to recognize in himself an instrument in the hand of God. The is prin- ciple involved is the same. in its ing jthe teacher thereby acknowledges sion to submis- God. True. reverence. on their reverence and Sometimes it is necessary for both parents and pastors to get others to help them in their work of is temporal and spiritual education. the love cannot Still. ment of those committed count. represented in scholastic This help modern times by a vast system of and collegiate institutions.

we are serving our best inter- for we are thereby doing our best to place ourselves in that adjustment of the universe which God has ordained The saints have ous example. But from a supernatural point of view the thought is noble In the highest degree. In the family. From a merely natural point of view such dutiful- ness can only lead to the good of the children. 137 for It makes profession of is its right place in the order of the world. there opposition to law. It is well. And told of . Then. and temporal masters. From affec- he showed the tenderest later life tion for them. glori- Let us take the Blessed Thomas More as a one of the most beautiful his earliest years traits Dutifulness toward his parents was of his life. ever been eminent In this virtue.PARENTS AND CHILDREN itself. then. for children to realize early the dignity of dutifulness to parents. In these days there a strong tendency among men to exaggerate their rights and is to undervalue the rights of their superiors. when in he came the to occupy the high post of Lord Chancellor. We own see that in serving our parents and those in authority for the sake of God. spiritual pastors. and in a strong force of the State and in religion. as the most perfect. ests. the story is fondness and reverence for his parents increased rather than diminished.

138

MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
his father held a position in

him how, when

one

of the lower courts, he used to be seen every morning to go and kneel and ask for the old man's
blessing.

The law
children to

is

clear, then,

and so

it

remains for
to look
will

fulfill

the

commandment and
in this life

forward confidently to the reward which
surely

come

to

them

and

in the next.

For God has promised and

He

is

faithful.

CHAPTER XI
SEXUAL INSTRUCTION FOR THE YOUNG

When

the question

is

asked point blank whether

children should be taught at least the chief facts

of the sexual

life,

the answer

is

hard to

give.

Nearly everybody's

from saying, " Yes." All right-minded parents and teachers feel a reticence in speaking to children on a matter which from its very nature is so private. Yet, on
instinct shrinks

the other hand, nearly everybody's reason declares
that children should have such instruction.

The

great majority of young girls

who go wrong do
Moral

so simply out of ignorance of the tendencies, dangers,

and

responsibilities of the sexual life.

depravity in boys, too, arises chiefly from the fact
that they acquire their
first

information from older

boys already depraved.
in the face of this

What must

parents do

dilemma ?

A universal

healthy healthy

instinct counsels silence, whilst a universal

reason counsels speech.
be a compromise.

Evidently there must
the compromise
is

And

this:

I40
there

MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
must be speech, but
It

must be

feticent

and

discreet.

The mind and
and
Is

the senses, the brain and the

nerves, are so related to each other that they act
react on each other.

So intimate and organic
or reading

this relationship that conversation

about sexual matters tends to excite the sexual
functions.

Even though
Is,

the conversation

and the
In-

reading
tention,

may
it

be justified and done with a right
nevertheless,

fraught with certain
In the

dangers.

It

emphasizes Images

imagination

which
brain

may become
Is

temptations to

sin,

when

the

tired or the

mind

off its

guard.

There can therefore be only one reason for
enlightening
children

with

sexual

knowledge.

There can be only one reason for adults discussing sexual topics amongst themselves. There can be only one reason for the writing of this and similar
chapters.

And

the reason

is

necessity.

In 1905 a conference on the subject was held at

Mannheim.
In the

An

almost unanimous vote declared

that the chief laws of sex should be taught to boys

higher classes of secondary schools.

But

the widest diversity of opinion was expressed as
to the

manner In which the instruction should be given and also as to the extent of the matter nor yet was there any unanimity as to who should give
; ;

SEXUAL INSTRUCTION
the instruction.
actually been

141

In Germany experiments have

made.
the

But the

result has not

been
Cora-

satisfactory to
plaints

Catholic conscience.

have been raised both

as to the informa-

and the way of giving it. Indeed, very little reflection is wanted to show that, in a matter so personal and private, class instruction is not the
tion given

desirable thing.

The
safety

first
is

principle that

may

be laid

down with

that the duty of giving the

first instruc-

tion in these matters belongs to the parents of the
children.

Even

in the
is

more general

parts of edu-

cation the school

but a supplement to the family.
is

The

school-teacher

only supposed to do what

the parents cannot efficiently do themselves.

But

the parent can teach the laws of sex, and ought
to be able to do so even

more

efficiently

than the

school-teacher.

Moreover, the teacher has a right
if in

to presuppose such knowledge

the course of

his lessons questions involving sexual laws should

incidentally arise.
It

has been frequently said that the mother
girls

should teach the

and the father the boys.
chil-

This rule becomes more appropriate as the
dren grow older.
teen and seventeen
their

Girls between the ages of thir-

would more naturally turn to mother, whilst boys of the same age would

142

MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
naturally turn to their father.

more

Parents

may

take this as a healthy instinct and use their judg-

ment accordingly

to direct

it.

But questions begin to

arise in the child

mind

long before the age of thirteen.
is

As

the mother

occupied almost entirely with the children durit

ing their earlier years,

Is

her duty rather than

the father's to watch for the signs of awakening
intelligence.

into

Knowledge should never be thrust the child's mind before it is asked for. The
whichever we
like
it,

state of innocence or ignorance,

to call
sible.

is

better kept untouched as long as pos-

If a

boy or

girl

can be kept in a state of

innocence, without fear of being smirched by other

and more precocious
for
it

children, say

up to the age
all

of thirteen or fourteen, he will be

the better

both

in

health of

mind and health of body.

To

put sexual images into a child's mind before

due time is to start a tendency towards precocity and moral depravity. The arrival of a new baby
is

best explained by saying that

it

is

a present

from God, and has come in God's good way. Together with this protection from the unripe
fruit of

knowledge there should be a correspondIrritation

ing observance of sex hygiene.
uncleanliness, or to tight
easily

due to

and hot

clothing,

may

cause undue sexual development and so

SEXUAL INSTRUCTION

143

become the source of moral difficulty in the future. If any signs of abnormal sexual development
appear a doctor should be consulted.
the taste of alcohol.
ness and impurity.
It leads

Under no

circumstances whatever should children be allowed

both to drunken-

There comes at length a time when explicit knowledge is in order and must be given. The dawn of a more intelligent interest begins to glimmer. It comes so innocently, so naively, that it is
just as likely to express itself in the presence of

the mother as in the presence of other and older
children.

That
If, as is

is

the

mother's

opportunity.

Then, and not
mation.

until then,

may

she give the infor-

frequently done, she silences the
it is

question by saying that

one that ought not to
it

be asked, or
thing
else,

if

she ignores

by talking of some-

then she has missed the opportunity

given to her by
interest has not

God

through nature.

The

child's

been crushed, but has even been
will ask the question again,
it

accentuated and probably directed into a danger-

ous channel.

He

and
be
im-

perhaps when he does get an answer

will

adorned with the attractions of
pression will

vice.

The

come

to

him that somehow the

facts

of sex are very wicked, but at the same time very
alluring.

144

MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD

Nol When the right moment hag arrived, when the mother judges that if she does not speak some one else will, then she must say the word
solemnly and plainly.

The
it,

fact of sex

is

some-

thing holy and mysterious.

If the child wants, to

know

anything about

it

must ask mother and

not other people.

Children grow in the mother's

body and when the time comes they are born.
If the

matter be thus solemnly but openly

much into own inferences, which will be substantially correct. At any rate, they will be enough for the time being. As the child grows older it will want to know more. Here again no exact rule can be laid down. The
treated there will be no need to go too
details.

The

child will

make

its

parents will be guided by their judgment, which
will partake rather of the nature of

an

instinct.

As more

details are required so will the
girls,

mother

speak to the
less to

and the father

to the boys.

To
still

the parents and not to the schoolmaster, nor

boys and
is

girls,

belongs the duty of explain-

ing what

meant by being born.
is

This knowledge
begotten.

sought for, and possessed,

long before the knowledge of

how

children are
difficult

The

latter is

one of the most

things to teach.
reticent about
it,

Parents are inclined to be too

with the result that children

in-

SEXUAL INSTRUCTION
variably get their
able sources.
first

145

knowledge from undesiris

Let reason, then, decide that the
essential,

parents shall Say what

and

at the

same time
There
is
is

let instinct
is

decide that they shall not

say more than

essential.
full

no need, whatever, for a

and parless

ticular description of the sexual act.

Much

there need of diagrams and pictures of the

human body. The best way is to begin with the lower forms of life. The description of the fertilization of a plant is most admirable. The plant excites no harmful images in the imagination. The poultry yard, too, may be taken as a convenient object
lesson.

and poultry are understood, then the parent may go further and say that in the higher animals and in human beings the young are produced in a similar way. The manner of giving this information is more important than the matter. There must, on the one hand, be no tendency to laugh and joke about it, whilst there must, on the other, be no attempt to suppress it as if it were something wicked. The inquiring mind at this stage is alert and receptive. Moreover, it works in harmony with a natural inIf plants
stinct.

Thus of

its

own

the

right

inferences

nature it readily makes and draws the necessary

Now is the time for explicit teaching on certain welldefined matters. so The more more they act on the senses much the likely are they to induce an indulgence of the senses. and the girls that of their mother. and thus lead to acts of impurity.146 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD The aim of the parent is conclusions. After the age of thirteen or fourteen the boys will claim more particularly the attention of their father. he will sooner or later ask in anxiety about the relief of nature in the night. for the purpose of begetting children in lawful marriage. and that if those powers are abused in . to keep these conclusions as ideal as possible. He may be told that so long as this does not arise it is from any tampering with himself. The may also take the occasion to warn him against the sin of self-abuse. Let be said solemnly and plainly that the boy has certain powers given to him by God. and to pre- vent them from becoming topics of conversation and reading. If the boy has been encouraged to look to his in- father rather than to his own playfellows for formation of this kind. lent This sin is so preva- afraid of giving the warning too it amongst boys that the father need hardly be soon. father perfectly natural and nothing to be distressed about.

Tell the boy then. spiritualized At this age natural motives are very powerful. and shown to be but a portion of the sins. but they are more powerful is if and raised first. will 147 be damaged for their function Strong motives will be required by the boy to keep him straight. and in European . that will. As effects the boys get older they may be warned terrible against venereal disease. that this a sin against God. and The body the temple of the Holy Ghost. punishment due to such A proposal has been made. therefore. sins against the body. but always these nat- ural punishments should be associated with the divine law. The law of nature toll. is to a supernatural plane. is broken and is nature will exact a heavy But what the law of nature except a reflex of the divine is mind? And what that the retribution of nature except a fulfilment of the divine Will? Tell the boy. self-abuse impairs the brain it and shatters the nerves. dulls the intelligence and weakens the ordained by and that these are the to follow effects God on the violation of His law.SEXUAL INSTRUCTION boyhood they in manhood. The natural may be pointed out. then. have a special malice in them and bring after them a special punishment.

If the boy the warned against if more common sins he will at once recognize heinous ones. the is temptation should Whereas I the idea put into the boy's head unnecessarily. Together with reverence for the divine law there should be instilled into boys a profound reverence and respect for womankind. This will be directed in the first instance sisters. And if this is true of it scientific works. This instruction is I hold to be decidedly pernicious. Nay. to young minds concerning the many extreme forms of sexual perversion. Obviously the doctor.148 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD enlighten countries partly put into practice. unless their profession obliges them to deal with such cases. the lawyer. towards their own mother and The habit of mind and heart . if the less common and more arise. and the priest should know all about these things. Where there is reason in this matter there Is also grace. But the ordinary layman can only read them to his own disadvantage. would go further and say that books dealing with the extreme forms of sexual perversion should not be read even by adults. temptation is put in his way. how much more all true must be of certain novels and pictures? reading and seeing aster The sure to policy of things is it work dis- on those who adopt without sufficient reason.

a most important protection of the same. The question has been asked: Who task? is to instruct those children who have no the duty parents. Mothers therefore can do much both tity. or whose parents are unfitted for the For those who have no parents .SEXUAL INSTRUCTION service to 149 thus formed in early youth will be of the utmost associate them when in later years they have to with and move amongst women not of will give corresponding instruction first the family. And if It does not Imply sin distress may give rise to needless and to scruples. and as such must be guarded with the utmost care. to protect their daughters' chas- and preserve their peace of mind. Directions concerning the signs womanhood must be explicit. Bodily virginity may be lost either. fore Such a misfortune thereit may imply sin or it may not. its importance to young There is a bodily virginity is and a spiritual virginity. The mother to the girls. or through neces- sary surgical operation. Our Lady's Virginity may well be taken as an occasion to explain of the nature of virginity and girls. through sin or through ignorance. or through accident. Bodily virginity usually taken to be It is certainly the sign of spiritual virginity. by explaining to them clearly these circumstances of womanhood.

there- fore.ISO MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD For those whose devolves upon the guardian. for ticipate it is their duty to an- the wrong by giving instruction before wrong has been done. But generally In the is is not advisable that children should associate such instruction with the priest. there is no need to go streets. for parents or guardians to relegate instruc- tion to the confessional. the task may be undertaken by the schoolmaster or the speaking it priest. It is not right. confessional he never speaks of it unless he asked or unless he has reason to suppose that there is something wrong. Again. then the . With regard to children at boarding schools. and then communicate with the head teacher accordingly. into all the details of the It will dangers of the be sufficient to say that grave dangers do exist and that the chief occasion of these dangers is the accepting of If acquaintance with unknown men or women. there should be some arrangement between parent and teacher. The living time of going out from is home to earn a an occasion for special warning. The parent will endeavor to take the the lead either before the child is sent to school or during the holidays. good relationships have already been established girl will between mother and daughter. parents are unfitted.

S. Provision has been made for the protection of Catholic girls by an international Catholic society. and especially If she be going to a foreign country. St.. this terrible business It consists ill spread over the world. and more especially for a she foreign country. I White Slave Traffic. believe. Whenever. the mother child of the existence of the may well inform her There Let is it are.SEXUAL INSTRUCTION willingly tell her 151 mother of any new friendship may have made. The address for England Is: Hon. 304 Vauxhall Bridge Road. and advertisements in the newspapers. large numbers of its mothers even who do not know of be said here then that all existence. 47 East 8ist Street (between Park and Madison Avenues). New York City. a girl thinks of taking a situation away from home. though. Joseph's Home. B. of tricking young women into houses of tense of finding them situations. Westminster. G. therefore. fame under preThe two chief means of enticing girls away are chance acquain- tanceships whilst traveling. Secretary. is: The address for the United States Secretary. . she should herself In first put communication with this society. Whenever there is a question of a girl leaving home for a distant town.

but also all about babies. The boy age. must be skilled in the The young intellect its may first is be made or marred forever. used to be thought that any one who knew figures and letters could teach the same to a class of babies. . But now it has been discovered that the teacher must not only know all about letters and figures. the father of the man. And one of the chief characteristics of is this science that the best teachers should be apIt pointed to the youngest children. The results of child training reach out into youth. manhood. old and is life eternal. What made new known as " method " in education has best development in comparatively recent years. Hence the greatest importance to be attached to the education of children. educationists are realizing ever Thus it is that more and more the rich content of the principle.CHAPTER XII CATHOLIC EDUCATION The is its science of education is still young. He psychology of the child mind. according as ill operations are well or directed.

In the field of politics the education of the people plays a very in scarcely important role.CATHOLIC EDUCATION will not depart 153 " Train up a child in the way he should go and he from it. is largely responsible for the impression which erudition is Identifies and education. not merely the acquisition of knowledge. is the formation of habits. all pertains to family Catholic parents ought know the leading principles. . however." it If this is true of education in general. habits is The formation of good good education. for its ideal. The future of the Catholic Church in any country depends on the Catholic education of the children. is eminently true of Catholic education in particular. especially competitive examinations. only a small part of education. Mere erudi- tion. Catholic education favorite sentiments of the late Cardinal And to as so much concerning life. The formation of bad Education is habits is bad education. It nevertheless continues to work a completely Catholic education for every Catholic child. And any country of its full the world does the Church have desire in the matter. The necessity of examination. Education. " Give me the children of England and I will Catholic." make England That was one of the Manning. in the best sense of the word.

in supernatural- . Its intellect be trained to perceive the truth. must be trained to perceive beautiful. but not only the memory. the memory must be trained. its what is good. such a The two merge. " A sound mind in to do will must be trained a sound body " is an axiom as old as the hills. must All the powers of the child must be brought out to the highest perfection possible. It pertains to the faculty Now. what is And. is ministrant to the training of the child's intellectual. and will must be so trained and supernatural is directed as to bring forth the best possible fruits in the spiritual Hfe. His bodily health. his natural this powers feeling. therefore. esthetical. since the soul. not that up in mid-air above — separated which from the natural. Its senses. his habits of memory. and moral is faculties. Moreover. the body also must be so trained as to keep in a healthy condition. one into way that the natural becomes the other. is The that is which built built on the natural. since man destined to an eternal life and must attain that eternal life all through a life of the spirit in this world. depends on the body for its due operation. taste. above all. intellect.154 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD of memory. A training in the fundamental laws of hygiene. inter- nal and external. while in this life. Further. must be made ministrant to spiritual life.

its A father. It Being spiritualized by a supernatural gift. on the assumption that Its learn that better in would age of discretion? Yet . the training of the natural faculties with a view to their supernatural destiny. without regard to their supernatural destiny. under around nature and spiritualizing with merely natural occupations such circumstances. own who leaves a child to choose and make its first efforts in spiritsay of a father uality. It is an education adapted merely to the affairs of this world. religious called education. religion. of the spirit From the foregoing fact certain principles fol- low which have an important bearing on presentday educational questions. ever playing then. life It is an education both here and adapted to the hereafter. then. must seek a supernatural end and live a supernatural life. If man is destined to an eternal life. the psychic 1551 becomes spiritualized. called is secular education. On is the other hand. merely secular education. then he cannot be satisfied with a If grace is It. only In after years does the child a grievous wrong. In mod- ern parlance the training of the natural faculties. What should we who it only it taught his child to walk and did not teach use its to hands. nature will not be satisfied and interests.CATHOLIC EDUCATION Ized.

MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD and something worse. is since to the Catholic the the divinely appointed is means if by which the lic spiritual life developed. rudi- mentary. on the one hand. hold. the Catholic religion the highest morality. the Catho- father does his child a grievous it wrong he does not provide tion possible. Euclid is Again. secular education faith. useless.156 that. the religion of It is the religion which It is marked out above moral goodness. therefore. as some education- best in in and Latin composition are the means of making a boy think. ought to be spiritualized by the Catholic of the advantages of secular subjects. on the other hand Catholic education should avail itself The Catholic religion being the revelation of Truth itself must appeal to the faculty which has truth for its object. Catholic religion And. the better able to appre- hend the divine ists revelation. He leaves spiritual limbs undeveloped. its all others by its fruitfulness in production of saints. Its is what the father does its when he leaves the child to choose own religion. If. with the best Catholic educa- Again. then proficiency Euclid and Latin composition must be a help giving the boy a grasp of his religion. The more is it the reason is cultivated. . Being a reasonable religion it must appeal to the reason. if. must.

the art of saintliness. intellectual pride. nothing less than the striving for the It perfect imitation of Jesus Christ. appeal to the faculty which has beauty for its object. and beauty. and feeling. which . Catholic religion is a beautiful religion. therefore. Once more. the more perfectly exercised in the natural virtues. may be used for the develdifficult opment of the all finest and most of all arts. the art which expresses the greatest inspirations of goodness. All sound train- ing in the fine arts. therefore. or literature. however. appeal to that faculty which has goodobject. a man's will it is is. Much piety too often do we hear people talk as if and intellectual proficiency were incompatible accomplishments. truth. as affording it must appeal the strength to arrive at moral perfection. The much stronger. will. It must appeal to the its will as affording the widest' arena for exercise and satisfaction. the strength which comes through the grace of the seven Sacraments. so fitted is it the more to avail itself of the helps to supernatural action. to the will also. is Ability in the arts and sciences supposed to be an occasion of it is.CATHOLIC EDUCATION ness for its it 157 therefore. the It must. the art which absorbs at once the power of intellect. the esthetic sense. then. whether in music. painting. affects to So The piety.

The . and which he must keep clearly before the various claims. the and the family. or first The rather certain statesmen. the school and the relationships between the school State. the bishop. fulfill its And it if the Catholic school to mission must aim at proficiency in the natural as well as the supernatural. The high aim and nature of Catholic education postulates istration. The Catholic can never admit it.158 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD God is despise these gifts of the occasion of a worse sin. claim this right of possession. the sin of spiritual pride. There are. admits of different opinions as to details. therefore. some important We come now principles in its admin- to consider. all and the statesman. have something to say in the matter of the conduct of the Catholic school. the school and the Church. his mind in his efforts to adjust and most Important principle Is that the children belong to the parent under God. then. is The natural as well as the supernatural the creation of Alis mighty God. The question is complicated. They do not belong to the State. and. how- ever. Certain States. certain leading principles about which the Catholic can have no doubt. the parent. in the natural for the sake of the supernatural. cannot be solved off-hand or dogmatically. The schoolmaster.

is The father fitted by nature for providing for the mainteall nance of during these years. the State has the right to require such an education from the parents. have are to be brought up. interests of however. The State exists for the welfare of the temporal If. The State has nothing whatever to do with the possession of the children. and providing for the continuance of the education in after years.CATHOLIC EDUCATION 159 parents are the authors of the child's body and the parents' wills are the occasion of the creation of the child's soul. The parents. The mother is fitted nature for the bearing. filling And in default of the parents ful- this obligation. if they are Catholics. it must respect the higher The children belong to the The parents. religion. therefore. have the duty of submitting . the State has a right to itself. therefore. have by confided to their care the nourishment and the education of their children. therefore. moreover. the temporal a certain standard interests of the nation demand of education in the youth of the nation. and the education of children in their earliest years. the right to dictate to the State as to the religion in which the children The parents. parents under God. interests of the nation. administer such education In doing so. the nursing.

The Power who created men has the possession of all men. So long as this principle is saved. Whether body carrying out the will of will. To the Catholic this means that he must be guided by the Church. the people. The parmust educate their children accord- ents. do not treat with individuals.i6o MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD to the guidance of the Church in the adjusting of the religious and secular claims. must reserve to themselves the what religion shall be taught to the The all parents. for the most part. the secondary and higher education of the country. there may be much parents give and take on both sides. as a representative Both are compatible with it. are not absolute masters of their own children. or as an absolute out his own the ruling monarch carrying body has only the right it to administer secular education in so far as is compatible with the religious education of the children. Individual . The conditions of present-day society make it generally convenient that the State should provide at least the elementary. but with representatives of all. however. and. however. ing to the will of God. The fact of the government being democratic or monarchical makes no difference to the Catholic principle. therefore. Governments. The right to say children.

or by the State. or by or by the Church. but even then it must be according to the advice of the bishop. statesmen have no right whatever to Catholic terms.CATHOLIC EDUCATION members of Parliament or Congress individual Catholics at election time. into his And when he in enters engagement he is bound is honor to keep to the terms of his engagement. But when it comes to a conference be- tween the State as a body and the Church as a body. then the bishops assume their right to say what are the Church's requirements. i6i treat with That is the opportunity for the Catholic's action. cult to to diversity of religions and diversity of races. as In the denominational schools in England. Owing different State. In most cases. except with the consent and under the direction of the episcopate. however. make with governments. as In the case of a private tutor or governess. as In the State schools of the United States . nearly every country in the world holds a finds arrangement between the Church and the It diffi- So the Catholic teacher often In different degrees adjust the claims of the various parties which he represents. as In the parochial schools and colleges of higher education In this country. both State and Church combined. He may be engaged directly by the parent. he allowed a certain .

that he should keep before his mind is the ideal at which he ought to aim in so far as consistent with the terms of his engagement. it is merely merely its a continuation of the family to help the family to spirit and exists fulfill its destiny. in so far as the parents are bound to act under the direction of the Church or the the teacher. therefore. so But directly his ideal is to carry out the work which essentially belongs to the parents and which they cannot conveniently perform without him. is primarily and work of the parents and not directly that of the Church or of the State. then. since life. State. school head teacher of the It is who gives the tone to the school. well. will have and tone and plans arranged accordingly. It is well that Catholics who have a vote in his appoint- ment should have this ideal before their minds. And it is well that non-Catholics should have the Catholic ideal set before them. whether he be paid by the parents or by the Church or by the essentially continuing the State. Now the chief characteristic of this ideal is that the teacher. The Catholic school.i62 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD It is the amount of freedom. . The very existence of the teacher depends only on the assumption of the parents not being able to carry out the work of education themselves. Of is course.

But boarding colleges and convent schools are now There is. should be characterized by life. middle. Its family When St. Doubtless to it is the duty of such religious and clergy watch carefully for vocations. whether fitted for elementary. and Is to see that no hindrance put In the way. This is more especially necessary in the schools for girls. a more stringent obligation on them of approximating as a necessity. such as Stonyhurst and Beaumont. however. likeness to therefore.CATHOLIC EDUCATION Its first principle will 163 be to aim at training the life. children for future family Schools taught by religious or clergy are not primarily schools for religious or priestly vocations. A school. is But an they must ever remember that a vocation extraordinary gift. Ignatius conceived and formulated his idea of Jesuit colleges. whilst marriage is a Sacrament and Intended for the generality of men. and Fordham. nearly as possible to the family ideal. sible He wished to have day colleges so that the pupils should remain as much as pos- under the direct Influence of parents and home. Georgetown . or higher education. The prevailing spirit of these schools should be . whether taught by religious or laity. he did not intend those wonderful boarding establishments.

life. Then she must be taught how to play. the parents. practical conclusions.i64 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD that of training the future mothers of Catholic families." according to the future social status of the child. since the education of children pri- marily belongs to them. and only by delegation to the teachers. have the obligation of seeking out the most suitable school for their . is the priestess of the home. they. it is The mother who holds family life. She all- the home together. The Catholic school that neglects its these fails to grasp one of ties grandest opportunithat is. We have hardly yet begun to : learn the gospel of Froebel children to play. of hastening kingdom of God. From the foregoing principles there follow some Parents will first strive to realize that. house." " Let us teach our drill Cricket and tennis and and so has the doll and the doll's Then. as the school years draw to an end there are the important subjects of cookery and have their place. of strengthening the family of making the nation the coming of the more Catholic. She is the important factor in developing the ideal of Catholic Personal piety will be her first accomplishment. with " extras. of furthering its noble aims. Then will come the ordinary school subjects. housekeeping.

require paper Catholic parent need have no fear whatever qualifications for their start in professional studies. claim upon a par- In the case of middle class or higher education.CATHOLIC EDUCATION children. therefore. The In the school must of be Catholic. Nor all is the cheapest. Having used their utmost discretion in the choice of a school. however. generally speaking. in which case the parents' duty But. Then. the school of the parish or mission will generally be found to be efficient. The as to the proficiency of Catholic schools In securing excellent results at examinations. 16$ The first nearest school Is not necessarily the most suitable. The elementary school of one's first own parish. then a school which is exempt from public examinations is better than one subject to them. case of elementary education. the head master . the parents will do well not to meddle with the teacher. arise. the idea of sideration. An It obvious irregularity Is may to act. Then. the parents will choose by preference a day high school or college. if the circumstances of the family require a boarding-school or college. The majority of children. home life will receive the chief con- If the future circumstances of the children are such that they can dispense with examinations. has the ent's consideration.

of leading them to their eternal destiny. but as one even more fulfill qualified than the parents themselves to their chil- high vocation of forming the characters of dren. child's education. entitled to deep respect and consideration. of making them Catholic in mind and in heart. State so far neglects its duty that the Church has to provide elementary schools. as a member of the family. unnecessarily. strictly in loco parentis. that she is. a supervision is over the child's school If the child sufficient backward and there does not appear it reason to account for that.1 66 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD what is or the head mistress of the school must be trusted to do best for the child. who undertake the burden of providing a If the Catholic education for Catholic families. is To change the school. The same principle of parental responsibility holds good with regard to ecclesiastical authorities. in as a She is not called household drudge. if the children are to be educated by a private governess. and the children and the governess herself must feel it. simply to ruin the Nevertheless the parent should exercise career. should be medically examined for adenoids. Lastly. then the parents . to set back the To be ever taking the child's is part against the teacher child's character. even once. then the parents must form the habit of mind.

the accumu- bad debts. It ought to be quite unnecessary to say the circumstances one must say to it. temporal as well as spiritual. They have received the lation of graces to bear its burdens. exigencies. with the high schools and colleges. work which is essentially the work of parents. to support a 167. So. They have received the Sacrament of marriage. It is not an easy state But with the graces which the Sacrament confers the married pair are made strong for all of life. and those who are primarily responsible for it are the parents of families. beg. It is not right to allow the priest to go and beg. . beg. yet under parents ought pay their school bills regularly and promptly. The work done by such schools and colleges is infinitely more valuable than the money ouday for their material support.CATHOLIC EDUCATION ought to support these schools generously. too. The work is God's work. it. It is the least that parents can do to see that the work is not ham- pered by what so frequently happens.

at least in some respects. therefore. But 9II except one must be regarded as having failed. to achieve the perfection of family life.CHAPTER XIII THE CATHOLIC FAMILY The ideal of the Catholic family has been once There have been many good examples. That one. Apostles was formed by Our Lord during the years of His public ministry. all more or less approaching the ideal. having been organized by Him during His . In order. of course. The Word was made flesh to reveal to us the mind of the Eternal Father. Since. Then. then. God has fully realized. to learn the mind of the to that rather than the we must go for our lessons as to Eternal Father concerning the nature and end of the Catholic family life turn our thoughts to the The school of the we cannot do better than little home at Nazareth. is the Holy Family of Nazareth. given us the ideal fully realized in the concrete. it Js that more remote symbols what the Catholic family should be.

the propa- gation of those truths and virtues which lead to The child Jesus grew in wisdom and age and of men. grace in the eyes of God and Although possessing the Beatific Vision. its members the possession of family does not exist merely everlasting The for the sake of the love of husband and wife. from the Holy Family of Nazis the purpose of the Catholic family sin. knowledge. and grace. and consequently all wisdom. nor for the love of parent and children. to help immortal souls to get to is This the first and. the hindrance of sin. it 169 was fully promulgated and endowed with its special gifts after His death. the undoing of life eternal. foremost purpose. The first and souls. nor for the nor for the pro- motion of the children ful in business. the only lesson to be learned areth*. then. The purpose of the first Catholic Family was the salvation of souls. The purpose of the Incarnation was the salvation of The purpose of the Church was the salvation of souls. acquisition of worldly fortunes. by the descent of the Holy Ghost on the day of Pentecost. yet Jesus . nor for the final material prosperity of nations. subordinate to the is aim which heaven. All these are law- and subordinate aims.THE CATHOLIC FAMILY lifetime. of every Catholic family is to obtain for life. in a sense.

He was knowledge itself He was wisdom itself but He chose that His wisdom and knowledge and .lyo MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD it deemed expedient to acquire an experimental things. presence The constant or frequent the of priests or religious. There must be no question about the character of the school. that to take her child on her knees impressions are the most effective and most lasting. must be The Catholic school will undoubtedly possess a Catholic atmosphere. He chose to undergo that laborious education to set the example to that it show them was only by constant teaching and learning all Christian families. She delights it and teach to pray. or ought to know. the statues and the fixtures. grace should be manifested gradually. then. to learn knowledge of Mary life. first knows. assiduously watches for the first dawn of conscience in her child. Catholic. the great truths from Joseph and about religion. and how to apply them to the development of the spiritual Jesus was the foundation of all grace. . all tend to ." The time at length comes must be sent to school. Catholic prayers. little Her pride is to show her friends how when it her one can say the " Our Father " and the " Hail the child Mary. The She Christian mother. to that Christian character could be formed.

visitors. artistic religious They give a tone to the house. having pretensions to be up-to- date and fashionable. Catholic family will A zealous father of a to make an endeavor hang up one or two good and really pictures. a measure. body reads it is or. Now. There ought It to be prominent signs about the house that is the abode of a Catholic family. members of the and expressing the faith of the family to More important even than Catholic art Is Catholic literature. at least. Now the Catholic home ought to be at least as Catholic as the Catholic school.THE CATHOLIC FAMILY is 171 keep before the mind of the child the fact that he a Catholic. in generally the fruit of worldliness. This feeling It Is also. . due to the large number of inferior litho- pictures which flood the market. In There is a feeling some families. Is And notorious that Catholics do not buy books as they should. those cheap graphs of the Pope or the bishop. which are a compliment to neither. unless Our Holy Father has warned it us that will we support a good Catholic press be useless for us to build schools and churched. Impress- ing the faith on the minds of the family. These are days when everysupposed to read. to regard a religious picture in the Is drawing-room as out of place.

therefore. institu- The secular press keeps them provided with press political news and so constantly But the secular reminds them of their is civic duties. that there is a regular subscription to some monthly or quarterly Catholic journal. . Heads of see to it Catholic families. Especially In the matter of education does the Catholic need to know the bearings between the mind of the Church and the mind of the State. And he ought to know this not only on general principles. and what the governcountry. Our book and recreaso little stores are rich in devotional. It is chiefly through the press that the members of the family learn their relationship to other tions in the world.172 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD is the Catholic Church not wanting either in excel- lent writers or excellent publishers. not an ideal medium for showing the Catholic his duty to the State. especially among the working classes. said. but also in the application of those principles to the particular circumstances of his He must know what the bishops have what the government has done to this or that particular school or college. ought to a shelf for religious at once that there literature. scientific. of this finds The crying shame is that its way into the Catholic is family. tive literature. a subscription to some Catholic weekly newspaper. and.

THE CATHOLIC FAMILY ment proposes the future. Joseph was the head and ruler of the family. on the other handj love be said to be the first and final law of heaven. to 173 in do with schools and colleges In a word. If. with them. Yet St. and Joseph. Joseph who was told to fear not. there- the means by which the Catholic learns the bearings between the family. therefore. order to teach us this lesson went Our Lord. life So also in the love must be the ruling principle. he must be alive to his duties as a Catholic citizen. and came to Nazareth and was subject unto them. It was St. the Catholic press is Since. fore. Nowhere was a Jesus. Even sin is only love out of order. the Church. angel to arise and take the Child and His mother . Joseph who was told by the spouse. The family life is the foundation of true citizenship. in down with His the Blessed Trinity parents to Nazareth. but must be a well-ordered love. the statement must be qualified by making the love a well-ordered love. but take Mary to be his It was St. the Catholic press ought to be an institution in every Catholic household. the State. outside the bosom of triple love so perfect as that love between Mary. the love of " And Jesus went down something family it contrary to the Divine Will." Order is said to be heaven's first command. and was subject unto them.

of course. Although yet in the family He was to be subject to both. the presumption favor of the parents. the mother is to rule in her sphere under him. but a rev- a certain fear present erential fear. howin ever. then. yet Joseph was to be the ruler of the family. Joseph and take Mary was so much spiritually exalted over Joseph. is Further. be in the children. rather than a fear by which one is afraid of punishment. a fear by which one is afraid of offending love. must be informed by love There must. the children are to be subject to both. to say at what hour . It was St. The father is to be supreme ruler. the children a filial is Moreover. But wherever there must be obeyed. And although Jesus was so much spiritually exalted over Joseph and Mary. is In cases of doubt. divinely to return commanded who was Mary and Jesus to Nazareth. the obedience If parents of children not unlimited.174 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD flee into and Egypt. Here. which school they family shall take up is a question of family interest or domestic arrangements the will of the parents It is not for children to say shall its go to. the subjection of It not to be a slavish subjection. is the rule for the Catholic family. rather than by fear. to say where the abode. but subjection. command anything contrary to divine law the duty of the children is to disobey.

There comes a time. The children are free to choose their this own states of life. theless. follow the wishes of their parents. later. there still Never- remain the duties of reverence In they are not bound to and love. the children are bound in cases of necessity to support The Holy Family an example at Nazareth was very poor. up. to picture the kind and gentle consideration which Our Lady would have shown to any one who did her a service. the parents are overtaken with old age. We shall mark when we do our best only fall short of with our imagina- tion. to say 175 come ily. considerations which they put forth. when them. but they arc bound to consult their parents and to weigh the Then. But we extra can easily imagine how Our Lady would have little acted did she have need to call in a help the now and then. when children grow their The relationships between them and parents then become somewhat modified. how- . From that picture.THE CATHOLIC FAMILY the family shall dine. too. what time they shall These are points upon which children frequently mistake their place in the fam- points in which they are obviously subject to their parents. in at night. it Consequently we cannot look to in the question directly for of servants.

in their And she will do well to examine her conscience frequently as to how often she has engaged in gossip about the servants' There are some women who can spend whole afternoons and evenings talking on that and no other topic. MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD we may get some hints as to the relation- ship between masters. . iThe servants of to-day are not on a level with the children of the household. work. whether they be Catholic or Prota reasonable They must have amount of their opportunity for recreation. Is. estant. Their service is that of free contract. their It Is home. And it Is something more. Since the servants live in the house. the house in a sense. of those They are not the goods and chattels who employ them. therefore.176 ever. faults. in the duty. and yet A mistress can insist upon her servants being kept up to the mark insist kindly. of the mistress of the house to arrange matters for the servants such a way that they shall feel that they have a home. nor yet are they an ancient on a level with the slaves of Roman household. They must have wages paid promptly. or rather mistresses. They must have opportunities for their religious duties. and servants in the circumstances of modern society. If a servant Is so bad she has no longer any right to be in the place.

may she be trampled under From the principles of order and superiority in the and subjection family there arises the duty of the parents. of providing for the material well-being of the children. but since they are members of the household they ought. of servants in illness. but neither foot. . then Protestant. 177 A word should be said. too. then 12 the cause of Catholicity will benefit in proportion. as to the treatment They cannot expect the same affection as the children. Catholic lawyer. excels in his own vocation. servant The may not be set above the head of her mistress.THE CATHOLIC FAMILY. and all things necessary to get them well again. Catholics should in their That is only an extra reason why make themselves more proficient If a respective trades and professions. Here is a point where Catholic wives may set an example to the generality of society dames. at least. engage him will And if he shines in his Catholicity as he does in his profession. and Infidel. There success patible. and especially of the father. in preference. have the attendance of the family physician. or engineer. Jew. or doctor. is an Impression prevalent that worldly and Roman Catholicism And it is certainly true are not com- that in is many Protestant communities the Catholic at a dis- advantage.

need not be allowed in We is have schools abundance. but rather the child of the Church. From Catholic faith and hope will spring Catholic love. the salvation of souls. We may sum up. but it must likewise efficient in its secular subjects. and existing primarily for the same end as the Church. however. its instructions namely. and Catholic in its love. must The The be provide his children with a good secular education. schools as efficient as any secular schools in the country. but to supplant it. though there no need to go outside the may be need to use discrim- ination within the Church. and Catholic instruction through the press during man- hood.178 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD father of the Catholic family. The family. then. be Catholic in its faith. thereits Catholic in hope. therefore. is is not the foundation of the Church. it Piety must come before worldly success. to Catholic education during youth. taking from the Church. fore. The Catholic faith will be fostered by ceaseless attention to the Sacraments. school must be Catholic. the principles of Catholic family life thus : The family is the foundation of the State. There Church. and the strength and purity of the State depend on the strength and purity of the family. tion is And this discrimina- the office of the parents of the family. It should. This will be made ever more and .

business FAMILY. the father the children obeying The endeavor must be made to carry these Catholic principles into the world of and professions. achieve the perfection which desires. 179 in order.THE CATHOLIC more fruitful by being kept and mother ruling by love. through love. and consequently the it State. and to show to the noneffi- Catholic world that religion and intellectual ciency are not incompatible . nay. to show that only by the observance of the law of religion can the family. .