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everyday death and continual rebirth

Creating balance for warriors.
Wendy Reese, MA

Every day I die again and again am reborn. Every day I have to find the courage to Walk out into the street with arms out, Got a love you can’t defeat. Neither down nor out. There’s nothing you have that I need. I can breathe. Breathe now. -U2, “Breathe” I’m trying to tell you something about my life. Maybe give me insight between black and white. And the best thing you ever done for me Was to help me take my life less seriously. It’s only life after all. -Indigo Girls, “Closer To Fine
Copyright 2011 Wendy Reese, Peace in the City All rights reserved But spread the message, share my stuff. Publish it on your site, tweet links, post it on Facebook, print vast paragraphs in your destined-to-be bestselling book...with attribution credit to yours truly, please.

“As long as I breathe I shall fight for the future, that radiant future, in which man, strong and beautiful, will become master of the drifting stream of his history and will direct it towards the boundless horizons of beauty, joy and happiness!” Leon Trotsky

For Alex and the warriors who teach me.



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Table of Contents

Sacrifice of Self Balance Warriors and Teachers Mother Liberation Sacred Gifts I Am Never Die Acknowledgements About the Author


So much so that the ego. fat lie that we tell ourselves and anyone who cares enough to ask. Not fun. The small voice knows we are not fine. I have to get filthy in the mire and muck. The rush is so great that it is addictive. sitting in front of Ben. the value is in the kid who makes a choice to try a little harder in school rather than join a gang or turn to a life of crime.” I had made a decision to live intentionally and authentically. sometimes very off. the lover and her dance of adrenaline are seductive enough to make me forget the challenges that come along with her. when I do my job right and finally get the person I am working with to see their own hidden jewel. In that moment. often truth is not desired to be heard by everyone who claims to be “fine. our path. The ego. Good thing the voice is a persistent little bastard. and now this woman. the Universe responded. found glittering and ready-to-wear. I understood exactly what he was asking. my calling. a flood of memories washed over me: the girl who wanted to cover wars from behind the lens of a camera and thus wake people up to the reality of the world. To dance with that lover. our purpose. it is a pure adrenaline rush. “Are… You… Serious?” SMACK! The cosmic 2x4 connected upside my head. our calling. As Ben continued his lecture. At that moment in time. Precious stones are rarely.
 Ben Lozarre asked a question to my graduate class. yet most of us are too proud to admit it. which stinks and causes much discomfort. However. Yet. “Are you serious?” He paused. the woman who was chosen by yoga to be a healing teacher. That gift is also a curse at times. deep within that calls to us. It guides us along. my purpose. we have to decide: do we want to finally listen and learn the lesson. but the Universe continued to put me in this place to live my gift. giving us the strong feeling of truth or the warning signs of being off. It is the woman who chooses to love herself enough to heal old wounds and thus set boundaries on what is and is not okay behavior from people who previously mistreated her. prove it. I have to get dirty again and so the cycle continues. It is the soldier who no longer can sleep after witnessing the horrors of war who allows me to 
 . It is all knowing. Bloodied and bruised. Yet. the idealistic college student who dreamt of being a U. No. ever happens when things are easy. ranting and screaming. though. It requires seeing and speaking truth. Fortunately. they are covered in layers that must be polished before being utilized in their final state. And truth be told. a miner of the human gems. we know we are not fine. If we don’t listen. if ever. I was not fine. stunned into silence.S. the young woman passionate about helping people be healthy. For me. “Are you serious?” Is this what I really want? Am I serious enough to do something about it? Yes. It is the young girl who does not kill herself after being bullied about her body. often drowns out the voice. There is a small voice. returning to our path of growth or do we need a couple more rounds to figure it out? “I’m fine” is the big. I got it. growth never. Okay then. as the Buddhist call it. we get our butts kicked. allowed me to really hear the small voice in that moment. There were so many years of repressing my dreams. It is the woman who pours her heart out for her community and finally takes the steps to expunge her felony and get her GED at age 50. senator because she thought she could instigate change. the miners see the value in that lump.” In order to live it. remembering her community she was fighting with and for back “home.

while usually internal. to wake up and do it all over again. No. but most people sleepwalking through life just see them as obstacles on their path. but I know they exist and it keeps me and the cycle going. they are handed to everyone. This is a work in progress stemming from a very long struggle I have had for years. We know they did not do it alone. I know the battle of the soul is just as painful. Really.” I walk that fine. others. sharp edge. another is hurt by someone else at some other time. Oscar Wilde said. too. Why bother? Maybe if I quit. but the energetic kind. to breathe rather than lash out. What happens. Martin Luther King. with the connecting cord in all of us being the energy of love. it would all stop. I may never see those gems in their final. Gandhi. I feel called to help them reconnect with that essence. to walk away when it breaks my heart because I know in my soul that is the best choice. when they are so disconnected they can no longer reconnect? Can 
 . It is the person who wakes up and takes accountability for their happiness and quits blaming the world for their misery. I know I am not alone. Reading this book is an expression of that Love. yet I am grateful because they serve as signposts for my small voice to confirm I am on the right path. What do I fight for? Love. in myself and others. “Are you serious?” moments are handed to all of us who decide to live intentionally. when I am worn to the core because there are people counting on me. damaging. leave just as great of a scar as most physical battles. I know that it is a push and pull of balance. and authentically all the time. and we are all called to leave our impression. I watch it every day. one person can make an enormous dent in the atrocities of the world like Dr. or Nelson Mandela.
 energetically hold his heart in a moment of vulnerability. day in and day out. consciously. a tapestry of life. However. It does. to sit next to a dying loved one and hold their hand while I muster all my strength not to lose it. though. They had much help from millions of people gathering to contribute to the big picture they wove into the larger tapestry. a thread here or a thread there. or both. and challenging as a battle between humans.” I help a person. “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. really hard work. This book is certainly an expression of that energy. “Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.themselves. existing between sinner and saint. Those are just a few examples of the energy of love. to find the strength to keep living when I just want to close my eyes and never wake up. and the wounds. physical warriors reading this. There is a pattern. Jr. though. to lift a car off a pinned child. It does not work like that. Biko. I see the essence in people.. they are kind of a pain. I know there are probably true. polished state. Hurt people hut. Honestly. trust. I feel like I have become a warrior. a place from which they are often disconnected and have maybe even forgotten about on a conscious level. like Newton’s third Law of Motion. The energy that causes me to fight for what I believe in. rolling their eyes. How can we be love? How do we love? How do we allow our self to be loved? In this sense. They are not broken and do not need fixing. Not the emotional kind expressed with “I love you” to some romantic interest or family. We are all called to live out our unique expression in this life. There are far too many moments where I wonder what the hell I’m fighting for anyway? Does it matter? Yes. What I am being called to do is hard work. and pureness. Sure.

often far too slowly. I know you know you’re changing and there is a part of you that will never be the same. but makes more sense than no explanation at all. they hear. too. when someone is open. and talk. It is in the remembering that they begin to reconnect with their essence and Source. I do not expect you to subscribe to this philosophy. Until then. When opened. have a few drinks. That’s cool. for those who are being called into a space that contradicts with the soul. Been there. Perhaps our untimely death is a way to help someone else grow in a scared contract to which we will never be privy.” A dear friend told me about this concept many years ago.dis-ease. for those who know there is something more and death is not really your favorite option. too. I will have opportunities to revise my thoughts. kind. it is the only was I can understand and accept the horrors that exist in this world. Really. We don’t fit in. I think we use these experiences to touch the soft spots. We energetically sit our bags down. release the fear and rage that resides in the 
 . It is in the margins of life that change occurs and is slowly. thus helping us heal. I get it. I suspect you already know) has no geographical location or walls. Are scared right now? I am. but we can’t go home…at least not yet because home (if you’re reading. and use them as fuel to help others heal. there is a deep calling to share some tools. done that. Aliens can’t really talk much when we are in the masses. and connect. This is for you. the reader. together we can find a space of liberation where we can take a collective deep breath and “be” long enough to see that our missions are not always what we think they are and they are never over. the sweet. even if it is for a short moment. had-everything-going-for-him boy who dies at 20 from an IED.” That is such a blessed feeling. run with it! Hopefully. We have to heal our wounds. though. No. We know. bought the souvenir and will probably repeat it a few more times.
 I love enough to provide the safe space of reunification? Can I help them heal? Or is there any hope left? Perhaps. but hey. This is for those want to be intentional and are struggling with your own purpose. Are wondering if this is it and all there is left? I do. if it helps. remember. Honestly. though. breathe. women being mutilated to remove pleasure in sex or hung for refusing to cover their face. to know that is where I come from and the only way I can keep going and helping others heal from the horrors we experience in this life. Remember. I don’t know. this book is for the “aliens. some call Universe. trying our best to assimilate (or not) and doing what we do best (or fighting against that). I just wanted you. So we wander. Aliens live on the fringes. For now. strengthen our spiritually weak spots. in the borders around the rest of society. I don’t buy into the idea of being broken or that our experiences warrant a mental health label. I believe in sacred contracts made before we came into this life. like refugees. The blank stares and raised eyebrows of skepticism and judgment of insanity are enough to make us guard our words. or a good friend of mine calls the Great Mathematician. that thing some people call God. we keep gathering the tools and weapons for our journey and battles. kids being used as human shields. Sometimes. we are lucky to connect with other aliens and we can feel “home. over the years. It is a beautiful thing and probably what keeps me going and sane. integrated into the masses. because everyone came here with this knowledge but most promptly forgot in the birthing process.

really well. Truly. I like to test what I learn to know first hand if something works before I teach it. This is not about self-help. feel broken enough. join me. dark crevices of our souls. and getting to a place where we live really. I like science. I am not really into New Age stuff. being miserable. and get on with not sleepwalking through this short little journey of life. If you are tough enough. this work is just about waking up. Beats the hell out of being an ass. being authentic. are just curious or bored.
 . What do you have to loose? At the very least it is entertaining and who knows? You may gain a new tool for your arsenal. Sounds pretty good to me. and suffering through life like a zombie.

kid. what do I need to do? What makes me feel alive? Those last two questions can be particularly difficult to answer when in the state of despair. What prevents me from completely emerging in the life that I desire to live? What am I living for? If I am not done. To heal. “You ain’t done yet. The soul reminds us. Sacrifice of self 
 . confidence. that is where the lessons lie. What was it about that experience that made you feel alive? What makes you smile? I build upon those. You don’t just “get over it. Get her done right now! This mentality breeds greed. it is about learning. painfully. believing our life is not purposeful. It is not about solving problems. We know there is something more. it is so incredibly easy to slip into the oblivion of nonexistence. I simply did not see a purpose to my life. Pema Chödrön says. During this time.
 “In our eyes. The darkness doesn’t usually come on overnight. Things come together and they fall apart. our own or others. if at all existent. anyone. When we reach despair. and it ain’t going away overnight. However. robbing it of the purity. “Why am I still here?” I was not depressed. what next? It is painful to live in the in-between. slow. This is. Despair can either bring about destruction or the ultimate in co-creation. listening to the waves crash on to the shore nearby. as Thomas Merton calls it.” We must pause and reflect on the now. It completely separates us from the present moment. I felt fairly at peace. something has made you feel alive at some point. extreme self-love. There are moments in life where intention may exist. with a nod to the future and an acknowledgement of our past. we turn our backs on help from everyone in order to fully absorb the toxicity until the point that the souls survival mechanism kicks in.” Why is it so damn challenging? Because of the mirror being held up to our own hearts by the actions of others. including the people who drive us crazy can be our teachers. “If we learn to open our hearts. We know we want to be there in that place. the truth of the work itself. expectations and disappointment. or at least I didn’t think so. regardless of how tiny they are. We are so brainwashed to be action and result oriented. All I could think of was.” Leon Trotsky 
 I was lying on my back. and fearlessness. individual terror is inadmissible precisely because it belittles the role of the masses in their own consciousness. we need for compassion. sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness. and we wonder. We have no idea how to get there. next to one of my closest friends. but action feels really. I realized there were some things I had to figure out. When I hit this point. I remember once forcing myself to watch videos of my favorite comics to remember how to smile and then eventually how to laugh. staring up at the stars in Mexico.” Where is the humanness in just getting over it? The humanness is the value that renews our purpose. In fact. and turns their eyes and hopes toward a great avenger and liberator who someday will come and accomplish his mission. reconciles them to their own powerlessness.

too. through words or simple actions. That is true vulnerability. It is not about being weak. still be loved unconditionally.
 Truth is so powerful. You want to wake them up. We know their potential. We always have been. so valuable. build empathy and compassion on the backs of the shadows. we are human. we are exposed. learn from them. is our great responsibility. hide. even that for which we are most ashamed. You decide to wake up and do something about this pain or numbness. you can see the shadows in others. In this way we become like water. but the vulnerability of which I speak is what keeps us living. gently urging us to open our heart. It is about allowing another to see us for who we are. we need tangibility. all of us. “Are you serious?” We face anger. disappointment. It is so well protected that the body has begun to physically wrap itself around the heart. indeed. Being open means being okay with death. resentment. that it is protected by concentric circles of fear. we can see what they are about to lose and yet. Hell. We need to see and feel to believe. Open the heart. If we open. knowing that when the time comes that we take our last breath. we are still lovable no matter what we have done. heal. and the head sinking downward. We are trained that vulnerability will kill us. fear. quite the opposite. For so many. Faith is beyond our grasp most of the time. all lessons have been learned. 
 . It’s not your job. “Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to live to light a heaven conscious of his fleeting time here”. frustration. shoulders caving inward. your girl having an affair out of loneliness. Being exposed is vulnerable. use them. we have to wait. You want to lash out. or remove our shared pain. and wake up. You know what I am talking about. What reason is there not to open? We need the connection of the fellow warrior. It is purely about opening in the right space with right action to be completely open and real. are teachers. jealousy. embarrassment. Sometimes they wake up on their own and sometimes. Still the lessons keep coming. It is courageous. We are shown through others. As you start to raise your energy vibration. all of this to protect the soft spot. and know that we can. Your buddy going down that slippery slope of self-destruction. the spine changing alignment. That connection and vulnerability comes from our deep understanding and recognition of pain. Truth is available to anyone who is willing to respect and share it unconditionally. This knowing allows us to sit together without trying to fix. and any number of shadow emotions as moments of clarity to see where we are holding back and blocking our energy of Love. around us. but only when we open. All existence is in us. You start doing the work.
 However. they do not. Pure hell. of the tender touch while completely naked and exposed that tells us. of the Great Mother. guarding that ever-present question. flowing around and transcending obstacles. Sharing this. Sometimes we are called to sacrifice by stepping back even further and giving space for another being to wake up within those shadow emotions. And purse sacrifice of self. There is a great line in “Right In Two” by Tool. that requires unwrapping the barbed wire surrounding the outer layer of bricks and mortar of the protective wall built in front of the ten other obstacles in place just to get to the heart . In fact. No point to trying to avoid or remove those qualities because they. Better just to embrace them. with us.

Still nobody makes use of it. How do you keep living. The process begins again. The soft overcomes the hard. Eventually. The small voice. is still gnawing at us. a balance that allows daily functioning. it is sacrificed for us. really. ultimately. Nothing can take its place. it 
 . this time pushing and pushing the limits because. drugs. We want to scream while overhearing the meaningless and benign conversations of people who sleepwalk through life. To bear the country's misfortunes Is to be the king of the world. just numbness. alcohol. stare the fucker in the eyes. Yet. anything. the woulda. if we can’t feel anything. eventually. they share other people’s stories like the stories are their own to share. The weak overcomes the strong. Lao Tzu writes in the Tao 78: Nothing in the world is softer and weaker than water. We must stand in the fire and be willing to be consumed in order to rise from the ashes. it transforms the most rigid of surfaces. We have to figure out what next. Perhaps they will. Our soul takes battle with the ego to feel something. They gossip about “famous” people whom they will never know. We sacrifice for the self. We serve and move from the energy of Love even when we are bone tired and feel we have nothing left to give because. we know this is what fuels us. We sometimes long to be numb in order to stop all this insanity of the realness of life. After a long enough period. shoulda. coulda’s in the brain for a bit. it just happens.
 becomes a curse because there are no feelings whatsoever. anything and everything that matters not one bit! It is enough to drive the aliens/warriors nuts. especially if you are one of those zombies? Maybe we hope our fates catch-up sooner than later. Maybe we try to numb it with food. they worry about appearance and reputations. and keep functioning in a world full of zombies. True words seem false. the blessed numbness. then why not march right on up. As long as we are here we must seek the beauty. Everybody in the world knows this. in order to fully live. even in the hideous. We know that. Still. then why is our body still here? If death is always just around the corner. jobs. then what is the point of even being alive? How long will the heart and the body last? If we are not really living. though numbed. we try to build dams against the watery energy of Love as we shackle our hearts. and see who gives in first? The mission is not over yet. We let go of relationships. keep feeling. refusing to settle. We risk being alone in order to more fully be with others and be more fully ourselves. anything to just shut the broken record of memories and flashbacks. sex. homes that do not let us vibrate at our highest energy. Therefore the sage says: To bear the country's disgrace Is to rule the shrines of soil and grain. If we refuse to let go in order for the self to soar. We must find what sustains us when nothing else is left. what sets us free. adrenaline.

This is where the complexity began again and I had to learn how to feel. It is the connection to feeling the sensations in our body that points us in the right direction of our purpose. help to create peace. the space between atoms. We can finally get to know ourselves for the first time in a way that brings life. Most of us are much more in touch with our shadow qualities. Though. where we feel the connection of the Source of Love. but I would give my life for the simplicity on the other side of complexity. it is gone. where all is One. dignity and compassion coexist with death and violence. “The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. positive and challenging. briefest moment.
 heads running around disconnected to the body. yin/yang. Life. It is the page itself. respect. The darkness weaves through all our relationships. I have come to a place to believe in balance. scarcity/abundance. Then. can you feel all the emotions. the space between our thoughts. Pema Chodron said. The world does not need saving. I know better now. Out of balance. We all have needs and we all make choices each and every moment to fulfill those needs. creativity. really easy to do. Oliver Wendell Holmes said. and depth to our lives. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves. Are you serious? Getting stuck in the thinking part to where you forget the body exists until it reminds you is really. Balance. The shadows provide a space for us to view others more empathetically and compassionately and ultimately accept the shadow within all. war/peace. its seeds planted deeply in our thoughts. we often invest much energy striving to keep them buried or at least at bay. Integrating the shadow and light qualities into a place of balance. just as fast as it came. I thought I could save the world. especially the one with our own self. There are two sides on every page: light/dark. color.” It took me two years to move through the process of learning how to like and love myself and also to understand what are my core values and beliefs. we can certainly strive for to be in balance with the interconnection. Peace is not what I thought it was. In other words. we feel confident and fearless Once upon a time. In other words. Imbalance. we begin the cycle of internal destruction through thoughts and behavior or externally through abusive or aggressive behavior towards others. Though we do not live there permanently. Without balance. Trust me. the shadows begin to guide us and serve as a measuring post. living in the shadow world makes you a first class jerk. Some people just revel in the darkest crevices of the shadows. How do I love myself (or others) even when I am or they are not acting lovable? How do I love myself unconditionally? How do I love others unconditionally? Maybe it is that one. Those decisions lead to actions. the cost is high and the choice is not very efficient. but more of a space where love. more efficient decisions in each moment. and use them as a guide to where you need to be in each moment? Sounds like it should be so simple. Sometimes. “I would not give a fig for the simplicity this side of complexity. Where does the balance begin? Within the self. the shadow side becomes controlling and all encompassing. interconnected and balanced. they serve as a guide for making less costly. We are like chickens with their head cut off only we’re 
 . When we experience our emotions as sensations. we all have them.

what is holding us back? We have all experienced the fight. All of this creates a tremendous amount of energy. and consciousness. You play dead. the brain has three parts. flight or freeze response: when we experience a fear or a threat to our existence. The mind knows this and can create the same experience only the submission can also be emotional. this has to happen in order go back out and do the job again and again. and freeze called submit. Each time submission occurs. urination.” “I went numb” are examples of this. Instinctually. Getting to that space means healing what hurts us. The initial response if fight or flight is not possible is to freeze. resilience is a little less. the act might convince the predator to stop the attack. That love is what makes us and them worthy. alertness. salivation. The final phase is with gasping breaths before the heart rate and breathing begin to reset and self-regulate. Are you really you when that happens? 
 . Unfortunately. We are called to love ourselves even when we feel we are not worthy. Ouch. The body immediately reacts in a protective mechanism. dropping to the ground. perspiration. anticipates and plans. prepared for the trauma and/or experiencing the trauma. in a job that causes repeated triggers of freeze and submit. the thing to do would be to sit compassionately and touch them just to let them physically know they are not alone and are safe. pain sensitivity control (numbness). There comes a point that the only way to keep going without releasing the energy is to fool the body into some sort of normalcy through medications. The emotional brain (limbic system) regulates the endocrine system (hormones) and autonomic nervous system. Very simply.” “A part of me died. crouching. diameter of the pupils. respiratory control (how fast/slow. the cerebral cortex is the last to engage as the lower and mid-brain prepare the body for trauma. you find yourself in situations of freezing? What happens when the emotional shock is so great that the body freezes? There is another state after fight. We are called to love others even when we feel they are not worthy. It is a mind trick designed to help the rational brain have enough time to process what to do. Yet. even if wounded. Finally. thus holds us back. flight. The instinctual brain (brain stem) regulates the body in the present moment including cardiovascular system control (heart rate and blood pressure). seeking a protective barrier from the threat. Humans release traumatic energy the same as animals. will store the energy generated by the preparation for and existence of trauma until it can be properly released. making rational decision making and the ability to process and assess the situation rationally almost impossible. This is the moment that things feel like they are in slow motion. digestion. respiratory rate. It is important to allow the process and not attempt to stop the process of releasing the energy. “I just shut down. The next phase is the body to begin to shake or tremor.
 about looking into someone else's eyes. conscious. real or perceived. The body. if an animal plays dead. heart rate. shallow/deep you breathe). logical. and organizes information. the brain prepares the body. It buys time to potentially escape. This is also where crying may occur. Without knowing how to properly release. If we are with someone experiencing trauma. in high stress situations.” Our interactions with others reflect back to us what we most need to heal within ourselves. the rational brain (cerebral cortex) is the alert. awareness. What happens if you are stuck? What happens if day in and day out.

emotional or physical. heaviness. Disgust manifests in the body as nausea and the desire to turn away. The brain knows what it needs to do to increase the chances of survival. It is easier to annihilate than to heal. From a distance we can judge. jack. joy is expansive and buoyant which allows breathing to be deeper and fuller. perceiving them as significant. Hurt people hurt. turn away. What are you feeling. shoulders. entrapment. Take 5-10 minutes when you wake and before bed (throughout the day if you can remember or have time) to just notice what you are (or are not) feeling in your body. The roots run deep and wide. there comes a point of not being in conflict. and sadness. caring for greater needs than our own. wanting something but not knowing how to attain it. deconstruct them and rebuild them systematically from the energy of love? The problem is that suffering is suffering. I find myself wondering. can I slow enough to recognize another person’s fears. immobility/freeze is about survival. you start from scratch. This is not bad nor does not mean we are broken when we get stuck in immobility. and wants? Can I help him to see how taking accountability for his own life allows him to discover the meaning of his own existence? Can I educate about serving others. Awareness can dissolve the pain. but we all see and own our problems. That would be like weeding dandelions in the front lawn in the spring with a fucking golf club. What do you feel? Our thoughts are not our reality though we can become so intertwined that we confuse them as reality. and upper back. Additional ways to release the energy will be described in the chapter on Sacred Gifts. We do similar versions when we deem large groups as bad when they act out of suffering. we hurt ourselves or we hurt others or some combination. forearm. more like a pattern or an injury that needs to be released and healed. anger.
 Eventually. Choosing life. Depression manifests as inability to focus. Ultimately. We are forced to make a choice: life or death. Fear manifests as a desire to run and a tensing of the whole body. Anger initiates the instinctual desire to attack. shutdown. arms. needs. both sensations and emotions. my own behavior. Growth happens at various stages and degrees of consciousness. At the root lie fear. helplessness. we have to begin to reconnect with the body. dizziness. even ourselves. brings healing in broader realms. understand what positive sensations feel like and build on those successes as well as embracing the darkness in order to reunite with balance. The problem with generational suffering is that acting with violence does nothing to stop the suffering. Chronic immobility creates numbness. moreover. and hopelessness making the body an enemy. They are perennial and are often passed on from generation to generation. fear. Perhaps the challenge for the warriors is to be compassionate enough to know all people need healing from their pain. When your worldview is shattered and there is nothing there to replace it. concerns. It is not up to us to judge the degree or worthiness of the suffering. terror. In contrast. watching the pollen spread and take root rather than digging up the root and removing the 
 . but also to the self? Can I search out the structures beneath current events or. which tenses the neck. or simply ignore such suffering. It is easy to cast judgment. generated by unreleased energy in the body. rage. Perception is reality. and headache. Body awareness provides a necessary break to heal from the chronic immobility and all its associated physical and emotional symptoms. depression.

the Source of love calls us to co-create. Co-creation and dedicating our thoughts. unaware. we must have patience while they are learning. thoughts. or creating duality. there is a distinct difference in tapping into shared or similar grief and healing verses tapping into the grief to inflame or ignite it into a spirit of vindication. In this space. you will incur sin. "For unto whomsoever much is given. Ultimately. but has far lasting consequences. we must do the most difficult things. Co-creation takes more courage than destruction. One takes far less time in the immediate. of him they will ask the more. We honor the space where we are One with the other person or people. and in a society that has created a duality that preys on cowardice. We will not always do nice things. revenge. actions." We warriors and aliens are the stone in the calm water that creates a ripple into our immediate circle and into ever widening circles of influence. nothing is higher than a war against evil. and applying strength as needed. of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much. how much less room there would be for the pettiness! From this space of living. hating the other being. gently guiding as needed. the uneducated. and service from the energy of love is the ultimate selfless living. much like the character Arjuna in the Bhagavat Gita. emotions. While we must speak our truth and hold space for others to do the same. and actions? Imagine a world where people truly cared about each other’s well being rather than their demise. Arjuna. or uninformed. lack of creativity. violating your dharma and your honor. We seek balance moment by moment. We have to be able to practice forgiveness of ourselves and the pain we inflict through the ripple effect on others. Krishna tells Arjuna: “For a warrior. even those whose sacred contract is to kill. 12:48 quotes Jesus. Just like children. and destruction. The warrior confronted with such war should be pleased. for it comes as an open gate to heaven. it has nowhere to go but to destroy either ourselves or others. always know that we are being held to high standards and responsibilities because we have been 
 . But if you do not participate in this battle against evil. The Gospel of Luke. This space of co-creation also allows us to live among the sleepwalkers and the ignorant. however. could do so through the energy of love. and the need to destroy. you made this choice before coming here. and certainly breaking the sacred contract. The other problem with violence is that it is not creative. how can we consciously deflect responsibility for our own lives. This is very different from being empathetic and negating our sacred contract.
 suffering. Sometimes. Do what you gotta do for now and when that comes to an end. We will not always know the impact we make. When we block that flow of energy. now to step away from it would be separating from the Source of Love. do something co-creative with those skills and experiences you gained from the battles fought. There is a balance in living from this space of co-creation. for the other who engaged in this contract with us. but knowing the cosmic 2x4 will always do its job in just the right time.” i I believe Krishna was saying. We will. but we can always do them in the co-creation of love. For if we were to even live this way 25% of the time.

we must give more. Yet. and at times. almost sucked dry.
 given the gift of sacred memory. We will be leaned on and called upon. 

said there are five rules of combat: faith. In “Closer To Fine. The Zen Master says. time. Tzu was right. bias are all justifiable causes for the wars we fight. the samurai draws his sword and raises it to cut off the master's head. "This is heaven. shaman. though. I have never been in real combat. self-protection. I did a lot of listening to stories of those who have fought in war. "This is hell. the samurai understands that he has just created his own hell.” That appetite is within each of our souls. Why do you think you are worthy enough that I should tell you anything?" Consumed by rage. They shape our thoughts. and resentment. day out. I’ve had my fair share of battles. and strategy. has the capacity to heal better than any physician. For warriors. Can we slay the fear? Fourth century Taoist. disgusting. To the average person. Sometimes. Chuang Tzu. miserable being. the lesson will cross our paths again until we finally temper it through the energy of love in order to create balance. The power of the mind is greater than any weapon. It shifts. particularly OIF/OEF and Viet Nam. this sounds crazy. we know that every time we fall out of that balance.
 A Zen fable about heaven and hell: A powerful." We choose. addicts and abuse survivors and what I found was no matter what the battle. and purity with experience. medicine.” the Indigo Girls sing: “Darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear. with the greatest battle to be fought being in our own soul. but those qualities are not solely “out there. Tears fill his eyes as he puts his palms together to bow in gratitude for this insight. "You? You are a vile. companions. action with integrity and forgiveness. The Zen master says. moment by moment. I have worked with gang members and kids in the department of juvenile corrections. and yet. 
 Warriors and teachers 16
 . or medicine man. When I made the choice to write this. we do not choose the situational hell we find ourselves in. light with shadow. space. dark. Yet. raging. filled with hatred. Now. more secure and stronger than any prison because it needs no walls or locked gates (in fact. Your mother must be ashamed. He recognizes that he was so entrenched in hell that he was ready to kill someone. revered samurai comes to a Zen master and says. He drops his sword. "Speak to me of the nature of heaven and hell. we aim for the balance in our thoughts of strength with gentleness. anger. Our choice is in staying in that hell or transforming it into something better. greed. the gates are wide open) to imprison.” they are within us. each moment stacking on top of one another. tyranny." The Zen master looks him in the face and says. we choose: heaven or hell. Day in. Battles continue to wage on. The energy of the thoughts grows collective and shapes the global environment. Emerson said that the ancestor of every action is thought." Instantly. Injustice.

our God. Faith is believing there is a reason for what seems evil. laugh with us as a weapon against fear-based insanity. only a gate. We generate space through our thoughts. Our companions in combat help to support and protect us. we enlist intention and shift into our subconscious skills. Faith keeps us going as we trudge through the shadow lands. At some point. observe. It is obvious how it plays on the battlefield. or feminine. Such knowledge makes it easy to wrap those cohorts around us like a protective blanket. Comrades are critical because we cannot fight a battle with someone whom we do not trust. No one knows the challenge. the inability of the opponent. but strategy is necessary to leave the battlefield. slow. They are our witnesses to the spectacularly heroic or horrific actions we engage during battle. we must return to “the land of the living. the pain. Space is one of our greatest tools and weapons in this life and yet is so often ignored or mismanaged. the fear. Such witness makes us closer because we know that story of one another and can still accept each other. or the depth of all emotions. Join it. which is not locked. Faith serves as a blanket of comfort in the cold nights of unknowing. speed it up and slow it down much like our heartbeat. You just fucking know. We need space to retreat. dull and painful. renew. except those who were with us. Time provides enough experience and wisdom to gain insight to the most perplexing issues. probably more so than those with whom we are in close relationships with outside of battle. Time is of the essence and is everything.” Unfortunately.
 even when you can’t put words to it. it is far easier to build walls and pretend to live within society. even if it can only produce a scar to protect the formerly gaping wound of our soul. and feel the delight of walking in the noisy street and being the noise. or insane even when it makes zero sense or is deeply hidden from the light of humanity. Strategy goes beyond the battlefield. love. chaotic. and co-create. and breathe with us in the silence that cannot support words. We bend it. Faith is a belief that there is some greater good worth fighting for. worth risking all we know. wait with it. that is certain death via a billion paper cuts. Rumi offers us a remedy to this self-imposed prison in his poem “A Community of Spirit”: There is a community of the spirit. In the absence of those witnesses.” where no one knows the experience we have lived. With space. It is a selfimposed prison with no walls. Faith in what? In ourselves. including the “how?” of life 
 . “I’m fine. time will heal everything. going through the motions and repeating like a sacred mantra. Presence allows curiosity and fascination because it is a yin. simply through our presence (or lack of) in the moment. our comrades. regroup. Space is also necessary for holding sacred witness for others. Faith is the parenthesis that hugs the painful gap where we long and search for an answer. Which is precisely why. Space is necessary to breathe. pure dumb luck? Perhaps all of these. quality.

naked in my being. Warriors fail. and sexual preferences that we are the human race. thoughts. I remember a moment on my journey that I chose to open to a fellow warrior and as such. rather than stepping into the ebb and flow of life and death. genders. Close both eyes to see with the other eye. The energy. uncle. Yet. This takes vulnerability. the symbiotic relationships whose balance is so fragile interdependent. into the schools. We can all learn from one another and realize beyond borders. The rusty armor shed. father. cousin. we are reminded of the ecosystems. Every woman is someone’s daughter and friend. Those two hours of heaven often carry 
 . We know heaven and we know hell. Open your hands if you want to be held. listening. Live in silence. This takes courage. aunt. each time we cross the gates of our own personal hell. mother. a fragile balance. jobs. casting blame. We all play a part. pushing into the earth. which sometimes is difficult to summon. live. often only receiving more questions. Beyond right and wrong there is a field where we can all learn from one another. lover. while pushing up to the light. resisting change. government. This is rare. completely myself. religions. we have to reach deeper and deeper to tap into that source of Love. left in a corner where I was able. Every man is someone’s son and friend. However. It is life in its simplest form. seeking meaning. we need rest for the body to avoid relishing in the shame and guilt. to leave it. There I sat. or projecting onto others the intolerance and lack of acceptance of our own self in our mind in order to truly process and heal. This process can be overwhelming and often the reason many of us struggle to sleep. which is scary. lover. We live them both. a gentle reminder of the delicacy of life that can so easily be disturbed. Flow down and down in always widening rings of being. In nature. Sometimes we wander into a hell created by another person or group. which ultimately keeps us on our paths. Turmoil is when the ego attaches to what it knows. possibly someone’s brother. relying on one another. interdependent. Communities are similar for the individual to the families. if even for the briefest times. it converts it to food that allows the root to push deeper down and force the leaves to grow ever upward into the light. we all bleed red. unreleased. Nature is a teacher of the cycle of life and energy of Love. and ideals dying and rebirthing. Man relying on Earth and Earth relying on man. cousin. a teacher. races. religions. The mind filters so rapidly and tries to do what it knows is “right” to protect from vulnerability or judgment while the heart and body continue to process.
 Drink all your passion and be a disgrace. Consider what you have been doing… Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. As it reaches the light. possibly a sister. We seek answers. and thinking critically in order to survive the current insanity of greed and intolerance. It is what we are called to do over and over again. When the skin is sliced. man relying on mankind. which makes it all the more precious. grounded and growing. We may just learn we were incorrect about something we passionately believed in. is then stored in the body. Life is a continuous cycle of cells. face to face. A seed germinates. We have to start observing.

day in and day out: heaven or hell. the Oneness within each of us that has the power to co-create or destroy. and learn from the shadows without judging. 
 . I believe we have sensai’s to remind us of what we so easily forget. the power of our thoughts. moment by moment. let all be what it is meant to be.
 me through my shadow moments of purgatory that borders hell. It is our continual choice. My teacher reminded me to not mind what I cannot control.

She gets the job done. She pierces our impenetrable hearts. I was in the arms of the mother. in time with her heartbeat. water. Action. food. velvety and satin robes engulfing me like warm blankets on a very cold night. Manifestation. We must persist in this battle for Love. The Great Mother is something much different and something we all have to better understand. we must protect our precious gifts. We tap into the mother energy by giving until we feel we cannot give anymore and then we start again. She sacrifices her needs in order to serve others. springs all life. She allows us to be actively engaged in awareness. security. making use of seemingly useless materials. Indeed. She nurtures through gestation and then has to release her creation into the world. Though we may be noble in thought. The rhythm of the rocking. become mindful and willing to co-create. In that space. in which we are able to heal and co-create again. and the tools necessary to be self-sufficient when needed. go polish up your skills! Stay focused. energy. We must hold space and remind them over and over how to love and be loved. though she tried her best. We must look out for those who cannot care for themselves by providing shelter. Warriors often get ahead of their destiny. bloodied and bruised and do what needs to be done for the children. We receive two great gifts from her: receptivity and surrender. This was not my mother. 
 Mother 20
 . Yet.” The Great Mother is infinitely resourceful. a cold night of my soul. She reminds us that having little to nothing does not matter as long as we have our creativity that leads to innovation and change. our instinct may be very clear about the mission. She teaches us tenacity. and our soul from those who callously take advantage of our Love. The Great Mother is protective of her young. we re-connect with the energy of love. we are often weak in action. Waiting is painful. Great patience is required. The heart rips open at such level of sacrifice and what is left is unconditional love. Wise are those who follow such example. My mom had never fully filled my perceived duties of motherhood. yet we cannot change another person or group. As do we. do our best. Strength. She just laughs and says. ultimately increasing efficacy and sustainability. It is a willing sacrifice.
 I was in meditation and I felt her presence. The One who nurtures and sustains us. She offers us safety and security through space. As warriors. She empowers us to keep going. be that literal or figurative. be that a home. repeated time and time again. slowed my pulse as well as the raging fear. womb. avoiding waste. the time will be here soon. nest. Sssshhhh… she whispered as she rocked. child. and resources. “Wait. our energy. In surrendering to Love. She wrapped herself around me. her red. From her. Until then. and loves us regardless of the evil we may engage in. The Great Mother: one of the most powerful and original teachers shared by all and in all. Mother is the great creator. we wake.

but this time with proud.” or call out for who we know as our earthly mother. “YES! I am ready. She wants to see us drop to our knees. 
 . We try. Though we may say. unconditional love because she knows that we have transported to the next level on our journey.” Once again. Should we wait too long to forgive ourselves. light. energy. Hers is the energy to selfnurture and heal and it resides within us. be nice. She is our source of comfort. or guide. and just wait in temporary shelter from the storm. or so we think. She is always there with us to guide us through our journey because she is within all. and we in and of her. our shelter. “Say please and thank you. and gestates us until we are able to birth in self-forgiveness. the Great Mother is who we call out to in the wee hours of the night and certainly in the dark night of the soul. head back and scream. and we may accept forgiveness. Perhaps we are fortunate enough to get that lesson early on. She is in us. The Great Mother teaches us to be humble and grateful. even the awake and aware ones. feel her cheek on ours. We just have to close our eyes momentarily to tap into her energy for ourselves or to help others. to try to prompt us to do what we need to do. “Are you serious?” moments. For most of us. That is when we return to our loving Mother’s embrace. encourages us to forgive. “Father. Gratitude is what empowers us to be abundant and share in the abundance with others: gifts.” We do. throw our arms out. she will continue to arrange opportunities. we may learn how to forgive others. of us. She reminds us of our manners. and love.
 She is the feminine energy that grants forgiveness. her heart rips open. but forgiving ourselves is too great a burden to bear.

deep down. We often remain energetically bonded through our victimhood of repeating the story. Now we thank them. First. What has angered us. Hard to imagine. What Liberation 
 . What actions do we choose to forgive? There is absolutely no reason to hold back. Thank you. caused us fear? In your mind. and deed. It demands greater heroism than war. everyone. none but ourselves can free our mind. “We confess that we have sinned against thee in thought.” Our battles generate enormous energy. we imagine the person we are focusing on sitting in front of us. “Peace demands the most heroic labor and the most difficult sacrifice. What else are we grateful for concerning them or the situation? As we say we are sorry. than for agreeing to help us on this journey through this process of growth. for that lesson. saddened us. tell them.
 “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. shame. we own our responsibility in the situation. Who do we forgive? Anyone. we can rest. The fate lies outside of the warriors’ hands. nor tomorrow. they have a core that connects them to the Universe and all who are in it. I love you. her lessons are facilitated through others actions. Pain is an awesome teacher. We must be accountable for our part. including ourselves. Thomas Merton said. but the lesson will return and we must be prepared. and guilt. It demands greater fidelity to the truth and a much more perfect purity of conscience. but certainly sums up the necessity for selfforgiveness. Only time can determine who has truly won. “Did I do everything I could? Did I fight for Love?” If the answer is yes. and most importantly. ourselves. We thank them for the being who they are. There is a confession of sins in the Book of Common Prayer in the Episcopal Church. or even just holding onto anger. This is the time to let everything go and release. in this space and time. the practice can be taken deeper by expanding upon the sentences. do we find liberation and thus. We ask ourselves. Father Michael Lapsley gives us three questions to contemplate: What was done to me (us)? What did I (we) do/did to others? What have I (we) failed to do? Can you answer those or are your pride and ego too big? A simple forgiveness ritual can be performed anywhere. this is performed as a meditation. but it’s true. then. Everything starts within. we resume battle. This includes four sentences: I forgive you. word. the peace on the other side? Forgiveness. Typically. if for no other reason. We play a role. In meditation. We look beyond their human form into their essence. Yes.” How.” Bob Marley’s “Redemption Song. casting blame. If no. on anyone. Perhaps not today. I am sorry.” That is a pretty broad stroke. by what we have done and what we have left undone. at any time.

At the root. There are children with great. but we forget how we are also the enemy. warriors. to lead. “I love you. There are so many worthy battles right under our noses. the environment is deteriorating. repeat the process. you are a parent of one of these children. Far too many people have no chance. The youth understand the values that are indestructible. justice. It is easy to see the enemy in others. Nor are we agreeing to like the person or re-engage in any form of relationship with the person. we say. right?). and to feel respected. a time will come when true abundance will have less to do with physical resources and more to do with internal resources. education systems are failing. forgiving. Though the sleepwalkers will inadvertently cause great 
 damage in the world through greed and entitlement. We are not condoning the action or behavior that has caused pain. thanking. Loving the person allows us space to love ourselves. They need us to be prepared. They understand Love. heal others. we need be healthy for them. Therefore. Success has to be redefined and scarcity mentalities released. forgiveness. to shelter and protect them as they will be the next teachers. sacred gifts coming to the earth at this time. We all need to be fed and healthy. The battle does not have to be “over there” or solely outside of us. have a safe place to live. Now. and consequentially. more than ever.
 else? What is your part in this? How have you let this impact other relationships? Finally. energy. to heal ourselves. Perhaps. loving and apologizing to our Self. . they cannot destroy what is indestructible. This is critical to our larger missions in this life. corporate greed weakens entire communities. it is about Love (there’s that word again. Now. This new generation will usher in the next stage of liberation.” This could be the hardest part. and aliens. to teach. healers. and interconnectedness. We are not agreeing to forget. and we are all striving for an American dream that just does not exist.

Index finger Middle finger Ring finger Pinkie finger insight discipline creativity communication Sacred gifts You can also hold the fingers to calm specific emotions: 
 . somehow knowing we are making change. middle finger=ether. ring finger=earth. open. expand our gifts. or how little space we may have. and things left undone when they sit in silence. Shanti (peace). who start to hear the depths of their separation. resting in the stillness to reconnect with the Oneness that exists still. With finger holds. Revolutions are painfully slow to start. You up for a revolution? We need tools and rituals to keep us balanced. deepen. whom we are with. We must be diligent in remembering. The fingers each have an element associated with them: thumb=fire. Mantras/chants/prayers are word(s) repeated over and over with the breath to create a specific intention. grow. they are often swift and effective. not usually. so I share them with you. regardless of where we are. This is not an extensive list. peace. pinkie finger=water. using a word (mantra). Pure. I have known too many people. I’ve had to learn a few tricks. I saw a “shooting star” and made a wish. The rituals are the little things that ground us. especially the Big Dipper which has always felt like the giant question mark in the sky. Me. Om (the sound of creation). prayers or finger holds (mudra) helps me to stay present and focused. or an awakening from the immobility in a way that does not repeat the cycle of immobility. We were called here. For me. desired effect. like a warrior constantly keeping his weapon prepared in tip-top shape. yet when they do. yet we have forgotten some of the most important lessons and resources in our arsenal when we arrived. and sometimes I get plenty out of it. I recognized all the familiar cast of characters. or the Hail Mary prayer. wrong doings. It could simply be a word: love. sacred sentences (chant). We need to find a way to dive below the surface of the chaos that surrounds us both externally and internally. These are what we use to sharpen. appropriate for my never-ending search. but these have certainly played a role in my journey. We walk slowly. so we continue to learn. breathe. to feel anything in some cases. I hope you will share yours with me and we can increase our toolbox.
 I looked up at the sky above the soils of India. We need to reconnect with how to feel good again. myself included back in the day. simplicity. I do it. It could be more sacred such the Lord’s Prayer. The stars smiled down upon me. Empty. common ground on unfamiliar soils. They remind me that we all are underneath. FOCUS Meditation is supposed to be so easy for us. literally half way around the world from the place to which I have keys and a bed. Ultimately. all change starts within. you touch the thumb to a specific finger to create a circle and invoke a specific heightened. I have seen these familiar friends all over the world. It can be any word you choose. and for some it is. I know I am a part of the dance. index finger=air. to this weird blue ball of a planet propelling through space.

WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET Visualizations allow us to see our intention/goal and allow the brain to experience it without having actually experienced the intention. at the base of the spine. It creates a positive feedback loop that the brain and body seek to repeat and attract experiences and situations to bring the manifestation to fruition. it can repeat it with less effort or doubt. heart opening. rage Ring finger Worry.
 Thumb Grief Index finger Fear. I have seen over the past five years how much dis-ease manifests in these specific areas and how incredibly connected they are to the emotions that create the dis-ease. terror. Each has a unique way of re-balancing the body and mind. anything. here we will focus on chakras (energy centers of the body). each lined through the center of the core body. When I am in deep thought or am nervous. What finger do people use when angry? Coincidence? Not likely. focusing. While there are many types and purposes of visualizations. either too large or too small. These centers have a color associated with them and are said to be about the size of a golf ball. Once the brain believes it has experienced something. in the body. Children suck their thumb. The cool thing is this is completely personal. lower intestines. at some point we have to get off our butts and do something to get it all started. the final key to imagine really feeling what it would feel like once you have what you are manifesting. teaches we have seven chakras. and buttocks (which can impact the sciatic nerve) are impacted by this chakra. I have two rings I wear on my right hand. or energy centers. You can do it anywhere (though not recommended when operating heavy machinery) and no one has to know. at some point we will need to become vulnerable and open up to another person. Intentions need actions in order to come to fruition. The root chakra. colon. However. and bringing awareness to feelings in these areas. This chakra grounds us. panic Middle finger Anger. I cannot stress enough the importance of understanding. and impact all areas of our life. I know it has gotten me through some really challenging situations. These three are specific to warriors for healing and sharpening our gifts. and releasing. If we are visualizing our heart opening. reproductive glands. They can get out of balance. practiced in many eastern medicines. They are excellent examples of the power of manifestation. anxiety Pinkie finger Self-esteem These simple finger holds can be done very discretely anywhere and at anytime. Ayurveda (life science). gently when I am using creativity and more aggressively when I am nervous. is the foundation and our deep connection to the first relationships that taught us about love. Often. bladder. If we are visualizing financial abundance. we do this very subconsciously. Chakras Stay with me on this one because I know it sounds weird and New Age. I slide the rings up and down the finger. particularly when feeling insecure. 
 . The tailbone. Think of Olympic athletes. something with which warriors often struggle. Regardless of the visualization. Its color is red.

Often when this chakra is out of balance. light and color. what needs to be released. respectively. frustration. Sometimes. Our third eye chakra. Out of balance. Brining balance is simply focusing on it. flight. allow the chakras to return to their original size and just spend a few moments sitting with the breath as it flows in and out. 
 . 99% say they do. The final chakra is the crown of the head. sinus issues and headaches occur. Its color is green. imagining them as balls of energy. anger and sadness in regards to relationships in this space. frustration and grief had manifested around the heart and took root. which impacts the quality of breath and digestion. what it takes to bring balance is to play. Its color is violet. two inches below the naval. The fight. connects us to our intuition. it helps me to place a hand over the space to more completely bring my awareness to that place. Its color is yellow. The pain is removed quickly when we work on speaking truth compassionately and with clarity. and freeze mechanisms impact this center. answers to what we are seeking. chronic pain manifests in the low back and hips or illness manifests in the reproductive system and lower intestines. expanding and filling the space around them inside of us. When all other chakras are in balance. the toxicity of the situation. and when in balance. noticing any tension or pain in the area around the chakra. asking what is blocking the chakra. The diaphragm hosts the solar plexus chakra. The majority of women who had breast cancer in the left breast (where the heart is located in the body) had suffered a very painful and traumatic breakup or divorce. sensuality. all around us. This explains why I keep a bottle of bubbles and a box of crayons in my house because for me. I took from this. The heart chakra is in the center of the chest and it is our compassion and love. I remember reading about a study several years ago where a doctor studied breast cancer patients. anger. This chakra helps us to “see” what is happening in our body. when this chakra is out of balance. Our throat chakra is for speaking our truth. This chakra is near the diaphragm and stomach. is our creativity.
 The sacral chakra. as well. We hold grief. A painful and dangerous imbalance of a loving and compassionate chakra. We close both eyes to see with our third eye. Its color is indigo. White in color. and relationship as One. communication.both personal and professional. and chosen relationships. the stomach holds some of the same cells found in the brain. see beyond our own self. our source of power and passion. I am often surprised by what I find when I ask the question to my own body. the sadness. it opens up to the Source of all knowledge. I have been doing my own informal research around this chakra by asking people who have neck and shoulder pain not associated with an injury or surgery if they hold back on what they say in stressful situations or within relationships. just above the bridge of the nose on the forehead. You can focus on just one or all. what needs to be added and then honoring those answers with actions. Its color is orange. about the size of a golf ball. this chakra opens for Divine wisdom. Interestingly. Upon completing the meditation. We can visualize each of the chakras and breathe their appropriate colors into them.

being integrated back into the stream. The petals. Now. Follow it until arriving at another gate. it binds all the toxicity and anything that is no longer positive and serving toward a higher good. This space. the water flows out cleaner and cleaner. Enter it. about the size of a quarter. There is a temple made of amethyst crystals. Boundaries give us space to breathe while 
 . Exiting the gate in the center of the flower. You can still give of yourself. allow yourself to engage from outside that bubble. Exhale. We are called to be here now. entrance is granted with a warm welcome. Now extend the arms out to the side. open and expand until the inside of the flower is visible. yet you are protecting the soft spot without closing it off. for most people. Relax and stay present on the breath. take time to just breathe for a few moments before returning to activity. clean water up the legs. Now. much like compost. When ready. trunk. golden gate. There is a gentle breeze. We need a healthy boundary to live within. When used consistently. This does not mean running way. Where the pistol and stamen would normally be located. pink in color with green tips. enjoying the beauty and fragrances. there is a beautiful garden. Explore it slowly. and head. Once this happens. See how this is starting to create a bubble of sorts? It goes down about a foot below your feet. Extend the arms straight out in front you. back to the heart. living amongst the masses. too. There is yet another gate. bathed in purple light that penetrates completely through the body. imagine having a hole in the bottom of each foot. There is a path. Inhale and draw this fresh. Look at it. Feel the water flowing around the feet and ankles. it is liberating. tends to be about three feet in diameter.
 Opening the heart Imagine the heart as a beautiful flower. reach the arms up. The stream takes that and transforms it into something useful for the earth. There is a stream of fresh water. pay reverence for the gift and gratitude for being able to safely unload what is no longer needed. Step barefoot into the stream. Imagine walking through the gate. Releasing Imagine standing in a field. arms. sitting there in silence. It is your force field. giving/using our gifts. contains a small. Exhale and push the dirty water out of the bottom of the feet. as well. It is a beautiful day. avoiding. imagining this dirty water washing out from the bottom of the feet. SETTING THE WIRE Boundaries are critical to maintaining health. See how much space is there because that much will be behind you. When you engage with others. As it travels through the body. or pushing away. step back out of the stream and sit in the field. until it is as pure coming out as it is when entering the body. This is so simple. Place the burden or burdens that have been weighing down the head and heart in the container and pick-up the gift sitting next to the container. into all of the cells of the body. crisp. allow the petals to begin to close inward Once closed. Notice the beautiful wildflowers growing along the banks and understand how they came to be here. When it is time to leave. The sun is shining and warm. however. Its petals begin to open with each breath. This one is guarded. Passing through. palms open and extended. with each breath. In the center of the temple is a small alter with a container and gift. Leave the temple and follow the original path back into and through the garden. Take a moment to listen. Inhale again. deepen the breath and slowly open the eyes. drawing the pristine water up through the body. Continue to breathe and notice how. This takes practice.

Place a hand two inches below the navel. regain clarity. Just one breath is enough of a pause to set intention. to say a one word prayer or mantra. it is fiery and passionate. Just remember to come back to the world again since this is simply a sanctuary and not a permanent residence. Even if attempting to ignore it. This is the space of creativity (creation). we get caught up in all the wrong questions when searching for the answers. Exhale slower. This can be done even when there is chaos surrounding us because the silence is inside of each of us.
 still interacting with and engaging with others. more. fear. Aliveness bubbles up. Inhale now. impartial enough to listen for the Truth. pause before exhaling fully. and body. the center of gravity. sensuality. There is no punctuation. and relationships (exchange of energy). slower. The interesting process with a journal is to just open up enough to allow Spirit to “speak” through your hand in what is called free writing. It allows us to become a mediator. This is the space to feel what is alive or flat within you. BREATHING IN BREATHING OUT Somehow we manage to do this without thinking. We can visualize here. listen. deeper. of the conflict. In the fight or flight of our existence. grammar. it will continue to rise up regardless of how many times it is pushed it down and attempted to be buried. It is a safe space. of the problem. Exhale slowly. Most importantly. Far too often. in silence. What needs to be re-instated or re-established. Breathe into this space. where we can go to reconnect to our Source. Incredible answers can come out in this process. We can set intention and let it go. and depression. These questions are specific to the core emotions that cause us to be stuck: anger. chi. sanctuary. through our breath. 
 . Inhale deeper and slower this time. knowing we have handed it over to the Universe and now the “how” is out of our hands. it is just a flowing stream of consciousness. we can be with ourselves and ask ourselves. thought. let go? What needs to be renewed? What needs to be mourned? What needs closure? What needs to be eradicated because it is not serving? Are you serious? The inquiry can be done completely internally or used with a journal. All answers reside within us. focus. to reset boundaries. Why not just listen? Do this through breathing into the space in silence. Each breath. particularly those whose negative energy is a drain on others. mind. Muscles are starved for oxygen. Just those three breaths are enough to begin reconnecting the Spirit. we do the minimum and it takes its toll on our bodies physically. “Are you serious?” ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE Conscious inquiry is the process by which we peel back the layers to get to the core of our soul. and sacral chakra. We can engage in our conscious inquiry here and listen for the answers. Pain ensues. renewed? What needs to be guarded or sheltered? What action needs to be taken? What is the intention? What needs to be discharged or liberated. to redirect our energy. sadness.

clarity. release. remove the blocks to the flow of the energy of love. and renew for 16 years of my youth. A very powerful physical and energetic release is to stand barefoot with the feet approximately shoulder distance apart. While we use these sacred gifts to help us to be grounded and open. we find ourselves using them more and more in the greater community. Dance was where I learned to express. forcefully say. as the arms swing down. yoga has served that need so well. even though we believe that we are simply the messengers. imagining a chopping block or small platform about a foot in front of the feet. chi gong. However. A tremendous amount of energy has been released. the energetic binds of a challenging situation. meditative walking are also helpful tools. and these questions serve as a guide. After the tenth time. NIA continues to serve that purpose from time to time as well as yoga flow that incorporates some trance dance. Energetically placing the dark emotions. STEP INTO THE FLOW Flow is so necessary to free the physical blocks to the energy of love. danced. “HA!” allowing the entire upper body to follow the arms and swinging throw the legs. the mind shifts to being fully present within my body. hiked. I know when I have reached that space because the noise quells and I feel the sense of peace. Or are we? 
 . we can try to understand the many reasons behind the actions. However. and darker emotions. The questions can be used to help another person or group towards healing and thus. Though we cannot answer for another person. Sometimes. For me.
 The inquiry can be used in conflict resolution as well. Thai chi. there are times when we have to release the negative energy. and the flow of energy. I feel more expansive and open to the possibilities and abundance that surrounds me. As my body begins to move. Flow cannot happen until we have ran. Repeating about ten times (more if it is needed). imagining holding an ax or sword. Notice the body. anxiety. Notice the bottom of the feet. or anything that needs to be released. boxed. it was not my first tool. pushed ourselves physically to the point of exhaustion that allows flow to begin again. It is a repetitive movement that simulates the tremors of energy releasing from trauma. noticing sensations. All of these are flow oriented. we are the sole connection to Grace and healing. come up slowly and just breathe deeply for a few moments. Inhaling and raising the hands over head.

scarcity. burning anything that does not serve us on the sacred journey. While solid. Water. the earth is constantly changing and shifting. reprieve. Air. and washes pure the dark spots of our souls. Within us resides all the cosmos. and healing. the breath. liberating. the sacred space that serves as refuge. huh? Just take it in. and survival-ism. This is about being clear. The mentality for an eye-for-an-eye. a place for seeds to be sown and fruit to be reaped. and is capable of transforming the most rigid surfaces. a feminine energy that provides night guidance. We can sometimes hear the voice sharing information that we may not understand but know is directed to the right person at the right time. aware of what is happening all around us all at once. rest. all the answers and the seeds of all beings interconnected as One. impartial. Sohum calls us to be Justice. all lenses. we are the sun. healing. on the other hand. dancing with heat. We are the elements. we are often the messengers of that reminder. expanding and contracting. Sohum makes us an instrument of truth. We are the eyes through which the One sees all life. is a downward spiral that causes all involved to be stuck. a masculine energy providing warmth. and to become authentic regardless of the inequities that mire our souls. As warriors. maybe it is a seed being planted somewhere in the recesses of your mind to grow later into a full understanding. is also transformative through fluidity. We are the moon. relationship. Sohum. regardless of if the soul recognizes it as the truth. It is the force that keeps us alive when the dark waves wash over us creating the desire to close our eyes and never open them again. As sohum. is invisible. both to our self and others. we move too I Am 
 . nothing more than fear driving us into separateness. love and fear. and life.” Who is this great I Am within? It is the One who speaks profound words of love and wisdom through us? It is the voice we hear guiding us when no one is speaking. a Sanskrit word describes this well: “I am that: cocreation and destruction. Unfortunately. shared. and all realms of possibility. deep. Most people have become so unaware of this. not judgment. Judgment has an energy that thrives on a victim mentality. We are consciousness. and growth. the reminder is not always what a person wants to hear. Maybe you get it now.” says Krishna in The Bhagavad Gita. Fire. our own and others. the opportunity to love and transcend. Such a person is willing to turn their back on a friendship. even family in order to keep living an ego-driven life. I know. As earth. We are sacred witness. we are grounding. While painful. favoring or hating no one. The gentle reminder of ego verses truth is enough to keep us on pace. to BE. we are called to speak our truth and must accept their choice of remaining static. and allowing new life to rise from the ashes. energy. softness. light and darkness. We have the ability to stand still and become the collective consciousness. yet everywhere and all the time. war and peace.
 “I am the true Self in the heart of every living creature. We are a reminder of Home. There is an energetic exchange between all living things. Static and resistance only causes chaos. the need to be right. flexibility. honoring the experiences that shape.

treat others as you wish to be treated. All from one moment to the next because we are that I Am. anything positive to say about another human. Yet. We are light and darkness. Rather than cocreating a positive energetic exchange. Being aware. 
 . It is stated in some capacity in all religions. Your duty is to make those people you come in contact with every day. being present. Otherwise the energy will continue to haunt us. To fulfill this duty. This goes for the people who challenges us. The exchange is still taking place. Oh. no. It is a neutral exchange. or lonely. from the briefest moment to the deepest relationship feel better about themselves just from being in your presence. maybe especially for the people who challenge us. yet chose not to respond. we exchange our energies. are too distracted. Reciprocity of the energy of love. Even atheists have their own version called the Golden Rule. respecting one another’s vibrations. Perhaps you were close and loud enough and you know they heard you. we are definitely sensitive to the energies around us. the action is destructive. however. but also for ourselves. Can you dig it? All life is in us and we are in all life. We fear and we love. either literally or figuratively. So many people live in this space and wonder why they feel separate. we must do so while remaining consciously aware. Have you ever said hello to someone and they did not respond? Perhaps you dismiss the silence because perhaps they simply did not hear you. We practice justice not only for others. baby! Humans are not the only ones who have energetic exchange. However. charge our batteries. One simple choice: co-create or not. take a break. we must examine what makes us feel good? Give it back tenfold: a smile. warriors and aliens can feel it. a compliment. We are being called to awareness. Everything is a choice and has an associated energetic vibrational charge. All life engages in this activity and it is interspecies.
 fast. We cocreate and destroy. We may have made the sacred contract to kill. Rather we want to be or not. Love your neighbor as you love yourself commanded Jesus. finding something. do we sit silently and listen to the whisper in the trees? What are the birds actually saying? Can you hear what the lizard is thinking? Do we see the details of life all around us? We try to take the energy without giving back or even attempting to understand it. a kind and unselfish act. Even ignoring the exchange is a choice. That is part of what makes living so challenging sometimes. Ignoring it does not make it disappear. This is what I Am is all about. or simply no longer give a shit enough to notice. That is a negative exchange. A subtle shift alleviates this imbalance. isolated. and learning. We may choose to go into nature to reset.

and have fun. say and do is cast in time forever. Ahimsa. but the silence surrounding them. pain. We embrace the joy in simplicity. it is all the more frustrating to be stuck or witness others stuck in an unserving. There is no fear of death or really anything that life can throw at us. warrior’s is a perilous one because we have to respect one another’s journey and ability to learn. Life has plenty of its “Are you serious?” moments. Sometimes we just plant seeds and hope at least one will grow. 32
 . delight and relish in the complexity. We continually examine our truth and values to understand them and stand in their strength. and complaints of how the world is not doing enough. That is our calling in being alive. play. We listen closely to not only the words. For many of us. and deed is such a mainstay of my beliefs because everything we think. Our calling as teachers. We are forever dying and rebirthing on a cellular level. disease. give pleasure. When you least expect it. That is the transformation of the energy. Within the garden of life. Life is a precious journey. plenty of challenges. We must be grateful to whoever provides this gift of seeing our barriers because these messengers are guides from beyond our knowing. Time passes so quickly in those moments. We understand the complexity and the simplicity that exists in balance. remembering to not take ourselves too seriously. even though we sometimes feel ready to give up and “go home”. leaders. In the really clear moments. our own and others. The layers of guilt and sadness seem to be so much greater for the warriors and aliens because we more fully understand the consequences of our actions. faulty mental model. what is the point of that? yet it has enormous. we cultivate many varieties to nourish the soul. we simply have to find the barriers we have built up against it and tear them down. we are also letting old thoughts and beliefs die in time for the new to be birthed. yet ongoing. Since Love resides within us. word.
 You do not drown from falling in the water. we live by example. a new door opens with new opportunities to practice this dance. which makes the adventure all the richer. simply transformed from one state into another. We practice the scared art of forgiveness in order to touch peace. We laugh often. Less frequently. sans judgment. nonviolence in thought. though. All of us are more than a random. our soul must dance. Because we know this cycle. We live with tenacity and courage. In this way. only from staying below the surface. Warriors know this. Rather we are broken open in the middle of a battle or in the arms of a lover. Never die 
 Change is constant. We embrace play and pleasure. vast amounts of opportunities to really feel pleasure. Our actions speak louder than words. we are so grateful for what we have in these moments that there is nothing left to want. Really. The only thing that that ends those opportunities is death. selfish pile of problems. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. we also really appreciate the adventure of living fully in each and every moment. most of us shrink in order to help others feel more comfortable. We are each a force of nature. so they play hard and relish in receiving and sharing pleasure when appropriate.

This will never die and because we are this. 
 . A gentle reminder. as warriors on the battlefields. Shine. Boredom and hurt disappear. Our cup is filled with the sacred. living as refugees in foreign lands. that even as aliens. See you on the “battlefield” or in the welcome “home” embrace. lover. and beloved… or be|loved. As the Sufi say of God. we are not alone. Go on. so I say of you: be Love. Love endures almost anything in order to cast a glow on the heart of the one who touches it. Love builds upon itself when our intent is pure because it longs to grow.
 from “home”. neither will we.

Certainly my true warrior friends who have served or are serving in combat inspired me to write this. greed-driven. Kat Myers. Sherry Williams. but there are many.
 I think I probably first heard Spirit speak through me when I was four. look inside and seek That. seek that life. Rebecca McClain and Gil Stafford introduced me to the concept of aliens. So many teachers have blessed me with wisdom: Meg Byerlein. if you are in search of That. debate-loving people in my life that keep me on track for the millions of missions I am called to serve. I have to also acknowledge the sleepwalkers. Angela Jackson. O traveler. Veronica Ritson. There is a gem in the mountain of your body. Sean Reed and Marcus Worthen are just some of the most prominent ones. that sort of thing is not really accepted. Paulo Cohelo’s and Dan Milman’s writings taught me about warriors of light. There is a life-force within your soul. seek that mine. It took a long time and much processing before this student was ready and the teachers appeared to help guide me. Daniel Wessner. don’t look outside. many more. Where I come from. -Rumi 
 Acknowledgements 34

Contact “You Are Where Am I”.com Twitter: Facebook: @peaceinthecity peaceinthecity This music was played a lot as this book was written. Click here to access the playlist on itunes (some songs are not accessible). and abundant. business. “707 Delights”. www. relationships.
 Wendy Reese is a mental alchemist who uses holistic personal training.peaceinthecity. You can find regular installments of her warrior writings on love. C’mon” The Von Bondies “Violet” Hole “Just Tonight” Jimmy Eat World “Trip Away” Janes Addiction “Welcome to the Jungle” Guns N’Roses “Right In Two” Tool “Because of You” Nickelback “Stellar” Incubus “1801” Phoenix “No One’s Gonna Love You” Band of Horses “Roll Away Your Stone” Mumford and Sons “A Sort of Homecoming” U2 About the Author 
 .peaceinthecity. and Spirit or contact her at www. yoga. and trauma healing as her primary tools to help people become authentic. health. and “Invocation of the Great Mother” Various Artists on Shakti Rhythms “Hell Is Around The Corner” Trickery “Peoples” Sound Tribe Sector 9 “Aquarius Transmission” Incubus “Wish You Were Here” Incubus “Planet Caravan” Pantera “War” Edwin Starr “The Good Soldier” Nine Inch Nails “Quarter” Fuel “Ride the Lightening” Metallica “Once” Pearl Jam “Brother” Pearl Jam “I Disappear” Metalica “C’mon.