This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue?
Written by Donna Foronda
Based on true events...and unfortunately so.
FADE IN. INT. GABBY’S BEDROOM - DAY NATE (25), one gorgeous looking man, and GABBY (23), cute though hardly beautiful, are fucking missionary. Like any guy, Nate seems to be enjoying more than Gabby. Gabby’s eyes widen in shock. GABBY Uh, Nate? Can you stop for a second? NATE Huh? GABBY Nate, please. Just stop. NATE (not stopping) Why? Her worry increases. She shuts her eyes in agony. Then, it happens: she FARTS. All stop. NATE (CONT’D) Ho-ly, shit. Did you just--? GABBY No? Yes. I tried to-Nate smiles. A comforting smile which is all Gabby needs for relief (pun intended). He laughs. She does too. And of course, Nate continues fucking her. FADE TO BLACK. The sound of Nate cumming. TITLE CARD: SORRY, GABBY INT. GABBY’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Post-sex, naked and cuddling. We focus on the delicate features of Gabby.
NATE (O.S.) Hey, so I met this new girl. ON Gabby’s face. A soft smile. We assume this “new girl” is her. NATE (O.S.) (CONT’D) She’s like really pretty. Her smile widens. NATE (O.S.) (CONT’D) She said she’s from Massachusetts. With like wicked blonde hair. Her smile fades slowly. She runs a hand through her thick and wavy BROWN HAIR. NATE (O.S.) (CONT’D) And these crazy blue eyes. Like, so blue. She blinks her BROWN EYES in disbelief. NATE (O.S.) (CONT’D) Oh, and this cute mole, below her bottom lip. She’s all shy about it but it’s fuckin’...exotic. She bites her lower lip. There is no mole. Off Gabby’s silence, Nate rolls over and gives her a big hug. He takes a glimpse at his watch. NATE (CONT’D) I should get going. Nate starts dressing. Gabby sits up. NATE (CONT’D) We’re meeting in like 2 hours. GABBY (beat) Have fun on your date. NATE (beat) I will, kiddo. ON Gabby’s face, empty. The door slams. MATCH CUT TO:
3. INT. OFFICE SPACE - DAY ON Gabby’s face, a new day, but still empty. JOSEPH (O.S.) Bitch, you better move. ON JOSEPH (24), a flaming gay. Between them is a game board prototype. GABBY Sorry. She rolls glittery dice. The game is about as gay as Joseph himself. It’s like an elaborate version of The Game of Life...but for queers. GABBY (CONT’D) Who am I again? JOSEPH (points to her game piece) Closet Carl. (reading her game cards) You’ve already downed 2 bay breezes and only have 1 phone number. You’re slacking, hun. She moves her game piece to a blue space. Joseph picks and reads off a blue card. JOSEPH (CONT’D) Sing karaoke or cigarette break? GABBY Uh, karaoke? Joseph moves her game piece to a karaoke stage. JOSEPH Bad move, sweetie. GABBY Why? I don’t even get the objective of this game. JOSEPH (rolling the dice) To find “the one.” This means something to Gabby. PAN the game board as Joseph explains.
4. JOSEPH (O.S.) (CONT’D) (then) You see when all the little gays play “What’s Up WeHo?” their mission is to hit up as many bars and clubs, dance with as many gays, get as many numbers, all the while avoid being a hot mess. Joseph lands on an orange space and reads the corresponding card. JOSEPH (CONT’D) “While pumpin’ and grindin’ with the blonde in the corner he sneakily steals the condom in your back pocket.” Damn it. I forgot I made that card. Joseph puts his condom card on the middle of the board. GABBY So the winner gets laid? JOSEPH Not exactly. (shuffling through cards) The loser goes home empty handed, probably beat off in sadness. Runner up goes home with someone, but it’s a one night stand. And our winner finds true love. Joseph walks his game piece to the finish line which hits a button that shoots a tiny bit of GLITTER into the area. GABBY The games ends with a glitter bomb. Really? JOSEPH A little glitter never hurt anyone. GABBY Joseph. This is so gay. JOSEPH Thank you! GABBY No, babe, it’s so gay I don’t even know how I can market it. Not everyone’s homosexual.
5. JOSEPH --Yet. GABBY Is that really all you’ve got? C’mon. Give me something I can actually pitch next week. JOSEPH Hey! I spent a lot of time researching for this game. GABBY “Researching” is not going out to TigerHeat every Saturday night. JOSEPH So sorry for trying to think outside the box!
JOSEPH (CONT’D) (then) Someone needs to get laid. GABBY I do get laid. JOSEPH Uh huh. You’re really going to make me do this again, aren’t you? GABBY Stop. JOSEPH I can’t believe you’re still seeing him! GABBY I’m not “seeing” him. We’re just friends. (off Joseph’s look) ...with benefits. JOSEPH Mama, I don’t see how he’s benefiting you at all. GABBY It’s totally cool. And we’re seeing other people. JOSEPH We? Who are you seeing, Gabby?
6. GABBY I mean, I could see other people, but Nate’s good for me right now. JOSEPH (then) Mama, I’ma slap the stupid straight out of your head. Who are you kidding?! Now if you ask me I think Nate’s just as beneficial as sand in your vajay-GABBY Joseph! JOSEPH Baby girl, I’m just looking out for you, you know that. (then) So if you do like him, you better tell him, “It’s either me or it’s other people.” INT. GABBY’S BEDROOM - DAY ON Nate, naked, mid condom putting, but frozen in shock. NATE Oh, Gabby... Gabby’s fully clothed and hopeful. NATE (CONT’D) It’s gonna be other people. (off the silence) This is kinda awkward. (then) I guess I should go? Gabby can only nod. Nate looks down at his still hard member. He tries to “shake it soft,” an uncomfortable moment for comedy but present nonetheless. He snaps off the condom which splatters precum and condom lubricant all over Gabby’s face. NATE (CONT’D) Sorry, Gabby. Gabby wipes her face.
7. INT. GABBY’S ROOM - NIGHT ON Joseph’s face that reads, “What the flying fuck?” JOSEPH “Sorry, Gabby?!” Joseph sits where Nate was. Gabby hasn’t moved since the last scene. JOSEPH (CONT’D) (outraged) He was still hard? What kind of sick shit is he? And, “I guess I should go?” No, duh, you stupid. White boys, I fuckin’ swear. Then he realizes Gabby’s sincerely crying. JOSEPH (CONT’D) Oh, mama. She curls into a ball, Joseph cradles her, a sincere moment. JOSEPH (CONT’D) (between forehead kisses) Don’t you dare. You’re good, mama. You’re good. Gabby begins to cough. Joseph shuffles through her bedside table drawer and grabs her INHALER. Something catches his eye before he closes it. She inhales but continues to cry. JOSEPH (CONT’D) You’re good, mama. INT. GABBY’S BATHROOM - DAY BLACK. Taylor Swift’s YOU’RE NOT SORRY plays...on a loop. GABBY (O.S.) (groggy) What the fuck am I listening to? Gabby’s eyes snap open to daylight. She’s shocked to find herself laying in the bathtub, she even checks her stomach for a liver incision, there is none. Next to her is a PINK TAPE RECORDER labeled: PLAY ME. She does.
8. JOSEPH (O.S.) (over Taylor Swift) Morning, Gabby baby. Now first of all, before I explain what’s going on here... Gabby walks up to the bathroom door to see a HUGE LOCK on it. JOSEPH (O.S.) (CONT’D) ...Do not diss Ms. Taylor Swift. This song will be playing until the second level of your recovery. GABBY (mouths) Level? JOSEPH (O.S.) That’s right. To help you get over that stupid white boy I’ve developed a game just for you! And you better like this one ‘cause I worked all night setting it up and now my tired ass is sleeping at home until you finish it. GABBY Are you serious? JOSEPH (O.S.) When am I never not serious, mama! Now look. This first level is called “sadness,” I want you to listen and register Ms. Swift’s words until you connect with them. Once you do, you’ll find all you need right above the sink. Near the sink is a new box of Kleenex. JOSEPH (O.S.) (CONT’D) And until then, and only then, will you find the key to the next level. Gabby rips the Kleenex box open and tries to find the key inside. On the very bottom there’s a note that reads: NO CHEATING! JOSEPH (O.S.) (CONT’D) Good luck, mama! I know you’ll do me proud! Gabby sinks to the floor thoroughly annoyed with the game and the song. It continues to play nonetheless.
9. BEGIN MONTAGE 1) She tries breaking down the lock. 2) She tries to drown out the music by burying her head in a pillow. 3) She unrolls the toilet paper. The toilet paper roll reads: DANG, MA. SERIOUSLY, NO CHEATING! 4) She lip syncs and mocks the song. 5) She sinks in the tub. With a bar of soap on tile she tallies the numerous times the song has played. END MONTAGE Exhausted, she finally just listens to the song, surprisingly enough, there’s a lyric that strikes a cord: TAYLOR SWIFT (V.O.) (singing) And you can tell me that you’re sorry, but I don’t believe you, baby, like I did before... CUT TO: EXT. DOWNTOWN BENCH - NIGHT FLASHBACK. Taylor Swift still plays softly in the background. Nate and Gabby sit together. His hand bumps into hers. NATE Oh, sorry. GABBY (smiling) It’s okay. NATE (holds her hand) Well then. Nate looks off to the distance and points to an ELDERLY COUPLE (70s) having dinner at a RESTAURANT across the street. NATE (CONT’D) (points) How about that one?
10. Gabby looks at them curiously. ON couple. GABBY (O.S.) They’ve been together forever. Met in college. Broke up a handful of times only to get back together. Married young, a few bumps down the road. He’s thought to leave her a couple times, but he knows love’s more than that. The couple hold hands. It’s a touching moment. BACK ON Nate, who’s stumped. NATE Really? GABBY (shrugs) It’s just a game. Your turn. Same couple. BACK ON the couple. NATE (O.S.) I think they just settled for each other. Widowed, I’m sure. They thought, “Well, shit. I don’t want to die alone. Why not her?” You know? BACK ON Gabby, equally stumped. GABBY Not really. NATE (beat) Listen. We don’t have to do this. GABBY No, it’s fun. (points) How about that couple right there? NATE No. This. Your profile asked for casual sex. I mean, you just don’t seem the type.
11. GABBY (rushed) Oh. No, that’s what I want. I mean everything’s really stressful lately. And I’m always so busy-He kisses her. A passionate kiss that’s nothing near casual. When the kiss breaks we see it in Gabby’s eyes: she’s never been kissed like that before. NATE I think we’re gonna have fun. BACK TO: INT. GABBY’S BATHROOM - DAY Gabby--still in her tub, still listening to Taylor Swift--is now crying. She steadily goes through her Kleenex until she begins coughing. She shuffles through her medicine cabinet for her inhaler. Before she inhales something catches her eye. She smiles despite the tears. GABBY That sneaky bitch. She pulls out a key lodged into the mouthpiece. INT. GABBY’S BEDROOM - DAY Next to the bathroom door is the iHome playing Taylor Swift. Gabby kicks it and the music finally stops. She looks up. Gabby’s entire room is covered in protective plastic lining. Another pink tape recorder sits on her bed. She plays it. JOSEPH (O.S.) I am so proud. You ready for the next level, ma? GABBY No.
12. JOSEPH (O.S.) Fabulous. This stage is what I like to call “hatred.” Now take out all the stuff that reminds you of that dumbass. Gabby’s hesitant. JOSEPH (O.S.) (CONT’D) Do it, bitch! Gabby opens her bedside table and takes out a box of condoms. JOSEPH (O.S.) (CONT’D) Not just the condoms, you slut. C’mon, do I have to spell it out for you? I saw what was in that drawer of yours. It was a fuckin’ Nate drawer. Dump it, now! Gabby dumps it on her bed. We focus on each pathetic item as Joseph describes them. JOSEPH (O.S.) (CONT’D) Those stupid mix CDs you tried to give him but couldn’t because he only listens to white man’s crap like Metallic. That shot glass you stole when he finally manned up and bought you a drink. That pointless target sheet you saved after he took you to that grimy shooting range. That ugly ass monkey stuffed animal he got you on your birthday that his broke ass probably got at Dollar Tree. And that stupid, stupid, straight man’s video game. Gabby, girl, you work at a gaming company and you purchased Slaughter House just to impress his white ass? CUT TO: INT. GABBY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY FLASHBACK. Nate pops the game into the console and hands her another controller. He’s way too excited. GABBY Oh, no. Go ahead. I’ll just watch.
13. NATE That’s no fun. C’mon, I’ll protect you. Smiling, she gives in. Their eyes lock on the TV screen. NATE (CONT’D) Okay, so just stay behind me and shoot those little guys when you can. ON the TV screen. This is a horror shooting survival game. Like, this shit is so scary it makes you wonder why any idiot would play it. Also, Gabby is really bad at it. BACK ON Nate and Gabby. Gabby cringes. NATE (CONT’D) No, Gabby! Get back. No! Fuck, don’t--wow. You really do suck at this. I thought you worked in gaming. GABBY I market game boards. Nate puts down her controller, his eyes never leave the TV screen. NATE Maybe you should just watch. BACK TO: INT. GABBY’S BEDROOM - DAY Gabby stares down at the video game. JOSEPH (O.S.) Oh yeah, you remember that shit. Now look under your bed. I have a little surprise for you. She ducks down and comes back up holding a GINORMOUS HAMMER with a mischievous grin. JOSEPH (O.S.) (CONT’D) Get’em girl.
14. In SLOW MOTION she starts BASHING THE SHIT out of the items that haunt her. CLASSICAL MUSIC plays in the background. It’s a romantic moment. MOMENTS LATER Sitting next to her smashed shit, Gabby’s exhausted, but happy. The classical music stops and Joseph goes back on... JOSEPH (O.S.) (CONT’D) Now there’s just one more thing. You see those condoms? (insert condoms) Don’t fucking save them. Those things are tainted as shit. I got another thing for you. Other side of the bed. She goes to the other side of the bed and retrieves a GINORMOUS JAR OF GLITTER. JOSEPH (O.S.) (CONT’D) Get creative. MOMENTS LATER Gabby blows up a condom into a “balloon” filled with colorful glitter. It’s revealed that several of these “glitter bombs” are already made. She tosses one in the air and pricks it with a needle, dancing in a shower of glitter. Repeat. MOMENTS LATER Gabby finds the key taped to the bottom of the glitter jar. INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Arrows line the hallway pointing to the kitchen. Gabby follows. INT. GABBY’S KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Her counter is lined with organized ingredients for a bountiful meal. At the end of the line is a pink TV/DVD combo with another PLAY ME note. She presses play. ON the TV pops of Joseph, of course. Showcasing his own pseudo-cooking show, of course. JOSEPH Hello! And welcome to Comfort Cookin’ with Joseph. (MORE)
15. JOSEPH (CONT'D) Today I’ma show you how to make the ultimate, delicious, lip-smackin’, soul-enriching comfort food that is tangy ribs and my secret garlic mashed potatoes. Gabby moans in pleasure. JOSEPH (CONT’D) That’s right, girl. Now first (he grabs a pack of ribs) you handle your meat. MOMENTS (but realistically, HOURS) LATER Gabby is pulling out a beautiful rack of ribs from her oven and placing them next to plated mashed potatoes (also beautiful). BACK ON the TV. Joseph takes a bite of his ribs and has a foodgasm. JOSEPH (CONT’D) Now eat quick because I have another--special--surprise for you over this. He winks, it’s kind of awkward. JOSEPH (CONT’D) By the way, this level is called “pleasure.” ON Gabby’s face that reads, “Uh oh.” INT. GABBY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY Gabby peers over her couch to see a FEMALE PORN DVD and a VIBRATOR on her coffee table. GABBY Jesus Christ. MOMENTS LATER We hear MOANS coming from Gabby as we peer over her couch. The porn is playing on her TV. It’s revealed that Gabby is only having foodgasms over her meal. She watches the porn to occasionally laugh/ponder over it.
16. The porn ends and the credits roll. Joseph pops up and interrupts the credits. JOSEPH You nasty. (he winks) Go ahead, baby girl, put you clothes back on. Don’t be ashamed. Gabby BURPS. JOSEPH (CONT’D) But seriously, mama? I will always have your back. And I made this for you because I wanted to show you how you don’t need Nate--or any man, except me--in your life to be happy. Get rid of him, get over him, and move on. You’re better without him, and you know it. Gabby, face full of barbecue sauce and all, smiles sincerely. JOSEPH (CONT’D) Love you, Gabs. GABBY Love you, babe. JOSEPH Now! Last stage is waiting for you at the Cluuub House. That’s right, girl, we are getting our drink and our dance on tonight. Your hot sexy outfit is waiting for you in the closet and you better look so fine that I actually consider being straight. Work! EXT. CLUB HOUSE - NIGHT Joseph, lookin’ fly, waits for Gabby at the door. He sees her. JOSEPH Ow, ow! Look at you! Gabby is STUNNING with RED LIPSTICK and a WHITE DRESS. GABBY So did I win?
17. JOSEPH Not yet. You ready for your last level? They walk into the club. INT. CLUB HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Lights, music, energy. JOSEPH “Celebration.” BAR - MOMENTS LATER The two sit at the bar where a hot and bald BARTENDER (late 20s) wearing a tight yellow shirt greets them. They yell over the music. BARTENDER What’s your poison? GABBY Heartbreak. JOSEPH And we need something to cure it. BARTENDER (pulling out a bottle of Patron) Tequila? JOSEPH You’re a good man, Charlie Brown. DANCE FLOOR - MOMENTS LATER Beyonce’s LOVE ON TOP plays. Both Gabby and Joseph pretend they’re Beyonce. Joseph’s better at it, obviously. When the song goes, “you make everything stop,” Gabby actually stops all she’s doing. Joseph still dances, obliviously. But Gabby sees it: Nate and the Massachusetts girl who we’re just going to call BLUE (because she doesn’t deserve an actual name) are dancing just a few feet away. They’re into each other, so much so that they seem to forget there’s anyone else in the room.
18. Surprisingly, a small smile forms on Gabby’s face. Despite who they are, she’s just happy to see they’re having a good time. JOSEPH (CONT’D) What? What is it? GABBY (beat) Nothing. Bathroom. I’ll be back. Gabby leaves. Joseph continues to dance when a HOT BLONDE approaches him. JOSEPH (to self) What’s up, WeHo... LADIES’ ROOM - SAME Gabby washes her hands. A HAND offers her paper towels. GABBY Thanks. She reapplies her lipstick but it accidentally falls on her dress. GABBY (CONT’D) Damn it! The hand comes in again and offers her a Tide pen. This hand belongs to the BATHROOM ATTENDEE (40s). GABBY (CONT’D) Thanks. She applies the pen and tips the attendee. She notices the attendee’s table spread: candy, condoms, deodorant, mouth wash--the works. She points to a SPARKILY JAR. GABBY (CONT’D) Glitter? BATHROOM ATTENDEE (Spanish) Yes, little girl. The attendee unscrews the jar of loose glitter and dabs a little at the corner of Gabby’s eyes.
19. BATHROOM ATTENDEE (CONT’D) (Spanish) A little glitter never hurt anyone. DANCE FLOOR - SAME As soon as Joseph gets close to the blonde he sees it: Nate and Blue dancing together. JOSEPH Oh HELLLLLLLLLL NO! He shoves the blonde out of his way and storms to Nate and Blue. JOSEPH (CONT’D) (fake, to Blue) Oh, mama. Your eyes! They’re so blue, like really blue. (to Nate) You were right! (to Blue) They’re just gorgeous. BLUE Um, thanks. (then) ...Nate? NATE I don’t know who the hell this is. JOSEPH (to Nate) Oh, you don’t? That’s funny because I know all about you. (to Blue) And you too, mama! I’ve heard all about that little mole you have. And how you’re so shy about it. Nate thinks it’s “exotic,” I think it might be cancer. BLUE Excuse me?! Off in the distance Gabby witnesses the whole thing in a panic. She runs away. BAR - CONTINUOUS Packed and loud. Gabby desperately tries to flag down the bartender.
20. GABBY Hey! I need your help! He notices her, but passes her. BARTENDER I’ll be right with you. (then) Cute eyes. She pats her eyes and looks at the glitter sparkling on her fingertip. DANCE FLOOR - MOMENTS LATER Joseph, Nate, and Blue are still arguing. NATE Back off, man! JOSEPH What? Can’t handle the California heat? (to Blue) Then just click your heels three times and wish you were home, ‘cause baby, we ain’t in Massachusetts anymore! NATE Uh, you mean Kansas? JOSEPH (snaps at Nate) No, bitch, I mean “shut the fuck up before I tell everyone how pathetically small your dick is!” Yeah, you wanna know how I know? (looks around) Where’s my girl? Then, a huge GLITTER BOMB erupts, nearly blinding everyone. JOSEPH (CONT’D) What the fuck is this?! BLUE Ah! My eyes! FADE TO--A SPARKILY--BLACK. TITLE CARD: ONE MONTH LATER
21. INT. GABBY’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Joseph opens Gabby’s front door. JOSEPH I can’t believe you kicked my ass out that night. GABBY (O.S.) Joseph, be nice! Joseph invites the bartender in. Gabby takes the bartender’s arm. GABBY (CONT’D) Hey. BARTENDER Hey yourself. JOSEPH You two better get. And I want her home by midnight. You hear me, Charlie? Before Gabby leaves she kisses Joseph on the cheek. GABBY I can take care of myself too. Joseph watches the two head off. JOSEPH Mm hm. Then don’t come crying back to me when the white man breaks your heart again. EXT. DOWNTOWN BENCH - NIGHT The bartender and Gabby sit watching couples across the street. GABBY (re: couple) Oh, she’s totally trying too hard. He’s not into her at all. See how he keeps on wiping his mouth? He’s so bored, but he kinda feels bad about it. ON YOUNG COUPLE. Gabby seems to be right.
22. BACK ON Gabby and the bartender. BARTENDER You sure about that? GABBY Definitely. I’m great at this game. BARTENDER Alright, alright. How about... (scanning the couples) Oh, shit... (he points) You see them? GABBY (beat) Yeah. Um, they’re happy together. BARTENDER (waiting) What, really? That’s it? GABBY Yeah, why not? The couple is revealed to be Nate and Blue. BARTENDER Right on. Gabby smiles, empowered by the fact that she can accept another person’s happiness. We end on Nate and Blue. Maybe they really are happy together. Maybe they’re meant to be together after all. FADE TO BLACK. We hear a violent SLAP (probably Blue slapping Nate). GABBY (O.S.) Or maybe not. THE END