Method Overview From CA Wiki Jump to: navigation, search Contents 1 Main Page 2 Mission Statement 2.1 Existential Aloneness 2.

2 Escalation Theory 2.3 Some finer points about Escalation 2.4 Logistics 2.5 Logistical Problems that occur during a Pick Up 2.6 Her Logistics 2.7 Your Logistics 2.8 Poker Analogy (Commitment) 2.9 Attraction 2.10 Non-neediness 3 Opening 3.1 Wave rule 3.2 Vibe 3.3 Pre-amble 3.4 Opening in bookstores, grocery stores, etc. 3.5 Opening in bars and clubs 4 Making It Personal 4.1 What is the personal vibe? 4.2 How to make it personal 4.3 Keeping it personal 5 Carrying On The Conversation 5.1 Using the 'I' perspective 5.2 Demonstrating Authority 5.3 Vacuum 5.4 Asking the right questions 5.5 Making yourself relatable 5.6 When NOT to make conversation 6 Touching 6.1 Casual touching 6.2 Purposeful touching 7 Dealing with problems 7.1 Women who are working 7.2 Women with Boyfriends 7.3 Nosey friends 7.4 Loose cannons 8 Making it Sexual 8.1 The Wolf metaphor 8.2 Carry lip balm 8.3 Statement of Intent (SOI) 9 Closing 9.1 Closing logistics 9.2 Instant dates

9.3 Club make outs 9.4 Phone Closes 9.5 When to Get a Phone Number 9.6 How to Get a Phone Number 10 Groups 10.1 Handling two women 10.2 Mixed Groups 10.3 Large groups 11 Dating 11.1 Setting up the date 11.2 Simple dates 11.3 Adventure dates 11.4 Drinks dates 11.5 Coffee dates 11.6 Getting physical 12 Relationships advice 12.1 You don't need a girlfriend 12.2 But if you want one... 12.3 Breaking up 12.4 Open relationships 13 Special problems 13.1 Religious women 13.2 Dating outside your race 13.3 Younger women 13.4 Older women 13.5 Clingy women 13.6 Dealing with Jealousy Other: Setting up the date Simple dates Trust Sexual Barriers Openers Religious Women Open Relationships De-strangerfying Dealing with jealousy Phone Game Main Page Mission Statement

The Mission of Charisma Arts is to enable men to become honest, genuine selfaccepting people and have better dating and social lives by providing them with practical dating advice and guidance from highly-trained instructors who are committed to social leadership and standards of excellence. Every organization has a mission, a purpose, a reason for existing. Often the mission is why the organization was first created. The mission of the organization is designed to meet a need that has been identified years ago. And years ago, Wayne founded Charisma Arts as a resource for men who needed a simple and practical solution to dating. Over time our original clients have become our friends, and many have even gone on to work for Charisma Arts as instructors. While others have gotten married to cute dental hygienists and dropped out of the game entirely. And that is the biggest challenge of all. Because the new reality of dating is this: the most confident man in the world is the one who is comfortable being vulnerable. Welcome to Charisma Arts

Wayne Teaching a Bootcamp Existential Aloneness Being Honest and Alone, Genuine and Misunderstood Becoming a ladies man means making sacrifices. You are not choosing the typical path. Your parents and friends may question your choices and think you are mentally disturbed. They may call you selfish and foolish. You may get fewer birthday cards. That's life. Get used to being misunderstood. In fact I am assigning that as one of your lessons. Become okay with being misunderstood. Those who have a strong attachment to being understood can be manipulated by others who decide not to understand them. Be a little fuzzy. But here is the biggie. You will also need to become comfortable with the idea of being alone. Meeting and connecting with women sounds nice and politically correct. That is why I chose it as a title. But meeting and connecting with women is also a form of negotiation. And, as in any negotiation, if you maintain the freedom to walk away you are more likely to get what you want. Being okay with being alone is the ultimate tactic. Think of women as a bonus but not a necessity. So as backward as this may sound, to get women you must be willing to give them up. I suggest you find a hobby you can pursue by yourself. No, masturbation does not count. Being a ladies man also requires honesty. I know that word is not popular these days. Surprise! Im old school. A true ladies man is not a player or a creep. A player or a creep schemes and sneaks around behind the backs of his relationships. There is no skill in simply deceiving people. He fears that people not like the real him so he uses the crutch of dishonesty. He is not good with women. He is needy, afraid to be alone. A ladies man on the other hand knows that dishonesty and neediness are the enemies of truly becoming sexy to women. He seeks to be honest with the women who become involved with him and considers

the player an unskilled opportunist. One last idea to embrace here is the concept of genuineness. Note that this is not exactly the same as being genuine. Being genuine is revealing your real self. I like that. Being real is the sexiest thing in the world. It is powerful and unexpected. When you act real with a woman you demonstrate your confidence. But interactions with strangers create their own wacky rules. Acting real is often not enough to make a woman believe you are real. She doesnt believe you read poetry. What guy reads poetry? She doesnt believe you like New York. Sounds like forced conversation to her. She doesnt believe you are interested in what you are talking about or could possibly care who she is as a person. She suspects you lie and have a hidden agenda. She feels this way because of television mostly and conversations such as the following. Him: Hi, how are you? Her: Fine. Him: What are you ladies doing tonight? Her: I dont know. Why do you ask? Him: Uh just wondering thats all. She is wondering too. Wondering why this guy is talking about something he obviously does not care about. A girl wants a movie star. Does a movie star talk about things he does not care about? No, she thinks not. More on this later. Escalation Theory Briefly, let's talk about the definition of escalation. An escalation is a change in the energy between a woman and myself (vibe escalation), or a change between a woman and myself and the environment (logistical escalation). In order to advance the relationship between myself and a woman I know that I have to progress through the three vibe states: platonic, personal and sexual. The transition between each of these state is the escalation. Lets say that you're talking to a girl and you're in the platonic vibe state. You're talking about stuff. If you don't escalate into the personal vibe state then the woman will walk away (bored) because all you're doing is having a conversation about stuff. Stuff is not interesting. People are most interested in two things: Themselves People like them That's where the personal vibe state comes into play. When you're in the personal

vibe state you're talking about you and her and how you feel about stuff. You're usually sharing similar experiences and beliefs or telling personal stories. But if you don't escalate out of the personal vibe state and into the sexual vibe state then your girl will never see you as a sexual being. She will put you in the "just friends" zone. You don't want that. Many men are afraid to escalate from the personal vibe state into the sexual because they are afraid of losing the entire interaction at that point. They would rather stay in the personal vibe state, in the friends zone, than risk escalating and having her enjoy it. That is selfish. With field experience, you will easily become used to transitioning between vibe states. Some finer points about Escalation Escalation should be justified and believable. That's a fancy way of saying that your escalation should be greedy. The most important thing you can do in a seduction is make the girl comfortable with you. She will not be comfortable around you if she doesn't trust you. But here is where it stops being intuitive. She will trust you more if she can see that you are picking her up because you get something out of it. She will trust you more during the pick up if you make it obvious that you are using her to entertain yourself. I know that sounds bad but that is how it is. That is why it is important to enjoy yourself when you're out at the bar or cafe. Be a little selfish and watch your results take off. Another way to say it is this: People don't trust people who are altruistic. Altruism is the selfless concern for the welfare of others. That doesn't exist. People who pretend to be altruistic inspire distrust in others. That's why an SOI is not a compliment. "You are a really cool person. I want to get a cup of tea with you for 5 minutes." Compliment. Telling her she is cool is altruistic. What do you get out of it? Be greedy, brother. "I like you because you make me laugh, and that's important to me because I don't meet a lot of girls who can do that." - Light SOI. You tell her you like her AND what you get by liking her (you get to laugh and have fun). Do it this way and she will believe your escalation is justified and believable because it is greedy - you get something back from escalating. Another way to say it is the Space Alien Metaphor:

Let's say that you want to convince all your friends that Aliens exist. That might be hard. It would take a lot of data and reports to convince someone of a fact. But what if you just wanted to tell them that you think that Aliens are real. It's easier to get people to believe that you believe in Aliens - it's easier to express an opinion. Bringing this back to escalation, when you express interest it should be an opinion and not a fact. "You are sexy." - Fact. She can argue a fact. "I think you are sexy because you make me laugh and that is important to me because I don't meet a lot of girls that can do that." - Opinion. Logistics So you met a girl on Friday night. She made you smile when she laughed at your bad jokes and you made her blush when you touched her on the belly. Her friends were friendly too, even though you didn't talk to them very much. But when you went to get her number she dropped the bomb, "I'm soooo sorry," she squealed with puppy dog eyes, "I can't give you my phone number. My boyfriend wouldn't like that very much." Arghh! Why can't we all wear special hats when we're dating someone. Single people wear trucker hats. If you're in a monogamous relationship you get a cowboy hat. If you're engaged you wear a ski mask. Well, I don't know about that but you get the idea. Why can't it be more obvious? Unfortunately there is no obvious sign that someone is in a serious relationship and off the market. That's why we teach you to cover your logistics. Managing logistics properly is the difference between a one-night stand and a phone number. Logistical Problems that occur during a Pick Up This is a complex subject because it takes some social calibration (you have to "get" people) to understand. Managing logistics is an integral part to learning and being able to apply the Charisma Arts Method. An entire ebook should be written about it.

In fact it has but we haven't released it yet. Read the sections below to learn more. Her Logistics Here are some of her logistical problems that you might find yourself confronting over the course of a pick up. How to deal with them will be covered over time as the wiki is updated. Feel free to start solving them yourself. She has a boyfriend She doesn't want to look slutty in front of her friends She doesn't have enough time to commit (esp in day game) She wants to but not in front of her friends She's too drunk Her friends don't like you. One of her guy friends likes her and is competing with you She is visiting from out of town (sometimes this is good) She doesn't speak your language Her friend(s) are drunk and she has to take care of them Something bad happened and you don't know about it so she's in a bad mood Your Logistics The best of the best ladies' men know that a woman's logistics are only half of the equation. Sometimes it's more difficult managing your own. Here are some common personal logistics that guys overlook in-field. You didn't bring condoms You don't have enough cash for the cab ride home with the girl you just met (subways are a vibe killer at 2AM) It's 2 a.m and you can't get a cab because everyone is trying to get one. Had you left the bar at 1:45, you would have gotten one easily. Your friends suck at pick up and drag you down You don't have a realistic place that you can have sex at Your friends are drunk and you have to take care of them You don't know where to take a girl for an instant date You don't have gum and your breath smells You don't have liquor for the after party You don't know what an after party is You don't have a good bounce place to go to after the bar closes Your cell phone is dead or dying You are in town visiting and your hotel is 30 minutes away from the bar. This will kill after party at your place invites. Your place/room is a mess. Your shower/bathroom is disgusting so her effort to "freshen up" results in her leaving. You don't have excuses to go back to your place. With older or more sophisticated women it helps to have wine, with younger women a Wii can work wonders.

You live with your parents. etc How to overcome these will be covered in updates of the wiki. Poker Analogy (Commitment) Picking up a woman is like playing a game of poker. After the initial niceties are over its time to get down to business. You ask her to ante up. Its pay to play lady! And the larger the ante she makes, the more difficult it is for her to walk away. With her money sitting in the pot she becomes attached to the outcome of the hand. Her efforts, words and creativity are her money. Its a good idea if you can get her to put these things out there near the beginning before you put too much of your own effort into the relationship. Not only does her effort commit her to playing the game with you, the very act of prompting her to make an effort generates attraction towards you because only a person of power and confidence ever asks for so much. Commitment - Give her an "out" In the above section you learned that it's important to give women a chance to commit to interacting with you by letting them put more and more effort into the interaction. But it's also important to give her the choice to continue the interaction by committing more. I call this giving her an "out" - a way out of the interaction if she wants it. If I give her an out and she chooses to not take it and instead keep interacting with me, then I know I have a good amount of commitment and can escalate or close from there. I was sitting a cafe recently typing innocently on my laptop about all sorts of ways to meet women when this attractive coed sat down next to me at the counter and proceeded to reach over the counter and plug her power cable into the alreadycrowded outlet located there. Opening is like an instinct. I yanked off my headphones: Me: "Hey, did you take the last outlet?" Her: "Oh no, there are still some left back here." Me: "Ok good. [then I smiled] If you took the last one I was going to offer to fight you for it." I ended the sentence on a big grin. I smile to show that I'm not taking myself seriously. That's important. Pick ups shouldn't be heavy. Then it's work. Anyway in this case the girl laughed at my bad joke and sat back down beside me and proceeded to pop in her headphones and work on organizing her iTunes playlist. Someone walked by and asked her when her shift started. It hit me at that point, she's a barista at the coffee shop I love to write at. I should have recognized her.

"Hey," I said, "I just heard someone say you worked here." "Yeah, I just started." "I've got to tell you, I just moved to town a few weeks ago and I think I've come here every day since then. The lemon-ginger tea is the only thing getting me through the Winter," I said with a smile. She turned to face me. That's always good. I gave her a few things to grab onto in the sentence above: moving to town recently, the coffee shop we're at, the lemon-ginger tea and the weather. Remember, it's less important that you relate to someone and more important that they are able to relate to you. Follow the example above and talk in a relatable way. "I just moved here too!" she said with a smile. "It's been such an adjustment." I agreed with her. It was an adjustment for me too. I come from a place where there is only street parking, if you know what I mean. It's like an urban jungle. Kids play stickball in the middle of the street and corner deli's supply most of a family's weekly food supply. Here there are parking lots as far as the eye can see and school kids play baseball in parks and on baseball fields located throughout the city. Families buy organic produce at the grocery store and no one honks their horn when the person in front of them doesn't speed through the yellow light. It's like Oz to me. So how committed was this girl talking to me? Did she like me, or was she just friendly? It was time to give her an "out." "You know," I said, "I really like talking to you. But I know you were doing some work when we started talking and you probably have to start work soon. I don't want to take you away from that and then screw up your schedule for the day." I told her I like talking to her because it's important to show interest when you're doing this. If you leave that part out it sounds like you're telling her politely that you're done speaking with her. Show some interest at the beginning to make sure that your point comes across clearly. "Oh no, it's not big deal. Just syncing my iTunes," she said. "I like talking to you, too. How often do you come in here?" she asked shyly. I love it when I can tell a girl feels comfortable enough around me to start figuring out my logistics. That's the beautiful thing about showing interest before you give her an "out," usually the girl will reciprocate and escalate for you. It turns out she works the late shift when I'm not usually in the coffee shop so we exchanged numbers to hang out later that weekend when she was free. Attraction There are two things that you should focus on building in order to attract high quality women:

Comfort Trust Non-neediness Where does Authority come from? Two places: Knowing yourself very well Self acceptance When you know yourself and accept yourself for what you are you will experience a moment of zen much like the ancient monks must have felt in the TV show Kung Fu. Ok, that is a lie. But we are serious when we say that non-neediness comes from you being comfortable in your own skin. Some people talk about "getting into state" and having a "rock solid frame." We think that sounds like hippy BS. Sorry but that is how it is. The guys who try to act alpha are the most insecure people in the world. Acting anything is try hard. The sexiest men in the world are the ones who are happy being themselves. Opening Opening is a fancy way of saying "Start an Interaction." Wave rule Guys always ask me: "What should I do if I make eye contact with a girl in the bar or at the park?" "Should I smile?" "Should I go over there?" "What do I do when I lock eyes with an attractive woman?" The answer is simple. When you lock eyes with a beautiful woman bring your hand (I use my right hand but it doesn't matter) up to you chest, spread your fingers out a little bit (not like you're doing some StarTrek Vulcan impression) and smile. It's called "waving." :) Don't wave side to side though. That can be a little fruity. That is not the impression I think you want to give. Maybe so, but I doubt it.

If the woman likes your look she will wave back or get a big smile on her face. This is her telling you "I'm friendly, come talk to me." So go over there and talk to her. What do you say? Start with de-strangerfying yourself. Vibe Ah, the elusive demon that is vibe.... Vibe can refer to either the feeling a woman gets from a guy approaching her or it refers to the vibe states of an interaction. In either case Vibe is related to energy. Vibe states: In the Charisma Arts Philosophy there are three vibe states. They are platonic, personal and sexual. Platonic This is the vibe state where a guy and a girl feel comfortable talking about impersonal things. It is the least intimate of the vibe states. Personal This is the vibe state where our guy and girl are able to express themselves personally and talk about themselves. Sexual This is the vibe state where there is a flirty interaction and one or both people have expressed an SOI or demonstrated touching in an intimate way or both. Often this vibe state leads to kissing or a solid number close. Charisma Arts advises creating a sexual vibe via the SOI as soon as a guy can make it believable. Explore the Space Alien metaphor.

Pre-amble Have you ever opened a girl only to have her stare at you with a blank or slightly confused look on her face. Sometimes she'll say "What?" When your openers aren't landing it's time to incorporate what we at Charisma Arts call a preamble. Lets face it, the first few words out of your mouth when you're starting a conversation during the day aren't ever heard. People are in their heads during the day. They are thinking about the laundry, about work, about what to make for

dinner. The last thing a woman is expecting is for a charming guy to come along and make her swoon. So when you open her at the cafe with something like "What do you think - coffee or hot chocolate?" and she stares at you dumbly before slowly saying "What?" don't feel bad. She just wasn't expecting it. You weren't in her thought process. But that is about to change. Add a preamble - some "throw-away" words to the beginning of your opener to focus the girl and draw her attention out of her world and into yours. For example, we were in a museum in New York doing a private instruction recently and there was an attractive girl looking at a painting of three hay stacks on a farm set against a darkening sky. I don't know much about art. I am not an expert when it comes to dipping a brush in ink and smearing it across a canvas. I am worse at trying to pretend like I know what I am talking about. But I am a good talker. And I'm not afraid to improvise. "I think these three hay stack represent a religious trinity and the sky darkening over the farm is a metaphor for the corruption of the church." This girl was staring intently at this painting. I was staring intently at her butt. Just kidding, she had nice hair too. I walked over to her and stood next to her briefly. It's important to not hover close by for too long. It sends off a bad vibe. "What is this guy doing standing so close?" she will think to herself. Get in there and open. Since this girl was soooo focused on the painting, if I were to interrupt her it would take weekdays for her to come out of her head and into the moment with me. So I used a pre-amble and threw away some words to get her attention. Here was my pre-amble: "I think this painting [pause] has a deeeeeeper meaning," I said slowly. I drew out the word "deeper" and stretched my arms out wide to add some some extra vibe. That is optional, but I didn't smile when I said it. Contrast between having fun and being serious is important too.

"I think these three hay stack represent a religious trinity and the sky darkening over the farm is a metaphor for the corruption of the church." Here was my opener: "So what do you think?" She was quiet for a little bit and then turned towards me and started talking about her interpretation of the painting. I questioned her opinions, complimented her opinions, argued with her opinions and smiled and frowned. She led me around to look at her other favorite paintings. I led her around to show her the sculpture of the balloon-animal doggie. We sat down on a bench and talked for 30 minutes about ourselves, just making each other comfortable (Personal Vibe state). Her number found its way to my phone. I told her I would call her Sunday. She said Sunday was bad because she was going to the Oscars party. I told her I'd call her Monday then. She said Monday would be great. We went out until I met another girl on a bootcamp and got serious with her. Opening in bookstores, grocery stores, etc. Opening in bars and clubs Making It Personal What is the personal vibe? If you have studied the vibe states you already know that the Personal Vibe come after the Platonic Vibe and before the Sexual Vibe. It looks something like this: Platonic -> Personal -> Sexual How to make it personal The transition from the Platonic Vibe to the Personal Vibe begins when you get the girls name. There is a right way and a wrong way to get her name as we will demonstrate below. Wrong Way: Guy: "Hi, I'm Matt." [big smile] "What's your name?" [big smile] Correct Way: Guy: "What's your name?" [neutral look on his face] Girl: "Christine" Guy: [big smile] "Hi, I'm Matt." Notice the subtle difference between the two. In the first example the guy is smiling for no reason. Smiling all the time is not sexy. It is what people do when they are uncomfortable.

A smile should be a reward. And you should only reward people when they contribute effort to an interaction. In the second example the guy is neutral when he asks a question, and then he smiles when he gets effort (in this case she just gives her name). This is a simple example, but when we expand it over the course of an interaction it does TONS to build presence and authority. Keeping it personal I call the Personal Vibe the "make or break zone" because it is a common trap during a pick up. The key is to stay in the personal vibe long enough to build trust and comfort and work on getting logistics, but not too long. If you stay in the Personal Vibe too long the girl will think that you: Are afraid to escalate because you don't want to lose the set Don't know how to escalate Don't know that you're supposed to All three are unnattractive. But there is also another trap in the Personal Vibe. Some guys get cold feet during the course of an interaction and actually will begin to de-escalate all the way back to the Platonic Vibe. To stay in the Personal Vibe, open up and start talking about yourself. Lead a girl by opening yourself up and she will follow and do the same. But remember to escalate out of the Personal Vibe with an SOI so you don't end up in the friends zone. Carrying On The Conversation Using the 'I' perspective There are Three perspectives (actually there are four, but beginners should only worry about understanding the first three). God Perspective: The God perspective involves you talking about facts. When you speak in the God perspective it's easy to start an argument because you are trying to define reality, which is not something we can do for anyone but ourselves. "New York is great. It's a big city. There are a lot of taxi cabs there." You Perspective:

People who speak in the You perspective are assuming reality for others. This is not an attractive thing to do, but many people talk this way by default. "You know how when you're in New York it's really big. And when you have to get across the city you can take a cab because there are a lot there?" If a person has never been to New York or any large city or ridden in a cab then they will not be able to relate to what you're talking about. Even though they will mindlessly nod along to your story they will feel no connection to it. The I-Perspective We encourage you to speak in the I-perspective. Doing so makes you relatable. And it's more important to speak in a relatable way than to try and relate to everything other people say. Speaking in the I-perspective is a part of leading the interaction. "I like New York because I think the people are friendly and I enjoy the taxi cab lifestyle." Using the I-perspective is like constantly giving your opinion. This will be a challenge if you have been trained to do the opposite. But in the social world, the I-perspective is king. Demonstrating Authority Where does authority come from? It comes from knowing and accepting yourself. You cannot demonstrate authority over someone else if you do not demonstrate it over yourself first. When the aspiring ladies' men of the world internalize this they will never need to worry about inner game again. You can demonstrate your authority over other people by use of the vacuum. Vacuum The Vacuum is a fancy name for "allowing silence to happen." Nervous people work hard to fill space in an interaction. Their sentences string in to each other: I walked down mainstreet and Isawadog.IthadabrowncollarandIwantedtopickitupandtakeitwithme. The confident and sexy authority vibe disappears when you talk too much. There is a time in every interaction to shut up and enjoy the silence. When other people become uncomfortable in the silence, you should feel right at

home and cultivate it. That is also how you build tension. Tension is the signature of great ladies men. When you should Vacuum: After you ask a question. What was that like? [Vacuum] After you show interest. I would like to see you again. [Vacuum] Become comfortable putting silence in your interactions and watch your results skyrocket. Asking the right questions There are two types of questions: Open-Ended and Closed-Ended. For the purpose of the next example let's say that your friend just went to a new restaurant and you want to learn as much about the restaurant as possible with the least effort. At the same time you want your friend to tell you the most info (put in a lot of effort). You could ask him about the restaurant this way... Closed-Ended Question: "Was is good?" Or this way... Open-Ended Question: "What was it like?" With the closed-ended question he might simply answer "yeah." With the open-ended question he is required to add more detail (and thereby expend more effort). "It was good. We sat right by the fireplace and the band serenaded us like Lady and the Tramp." Add open-ended questions to your repertoire to get people to invest more effort communicating with you. Then reward their effort, etc. Why am I telling you this? You already knew that. Making yourself relatable I believe in the Nostradamus theory of attraction. Nostradamus was a 16th century seer. His present-day followers believe that he predicted big world events such as the Great Fire of London, Napoleon, World War II, and even the 911 terrorist attacks. Indeed when I read some of his words I can sort of see where those followers are coming from - just got to read into the imagery a bit. Maybe I can find next weeks lottery numbers. However what I have also learned about Nostradamus was that he babbled non-

stop and people wrote down everything he said. With countless manuscripts full of his lucid visions, its easy to find something that sounds like a modern-day event. Nostradamus was a ladies man, I figure. I want you to be Nostradamus. I want you to understand that if you reveal enough about yourself a woman will find something to connect with. Most guys ask questions, make God statements and try to force a connection with a woman: Him: Do you work out? Her: Yeah, I run. Him: Running is great. Her: I hate traffic. Him: Yeah, traffic sucks. Her: Where are all the confident men? Him: Youre right. Confident men are more attractive. These are examples of ways that guys attempt to connect with a woman. To my ear they sound fake. Why? Because there is nothing unique or personal about the guys words. Theyre just pleasant-sounding mush. Its not believable that he agrees with her. When a guy approaches a woman and tries to relate, she becomes suspicious. It just doesnt ring true. Its much better if you allow connection to find you. Nostradamus was great at this. He blubbered on so much that connections with real-life, future-events actually found him. Think about everything that you know, think and feel. Think about the sum of your individual experiences. Now pick out any woman you find attractive. May as well take the girl on the cover of Vogue magazine. She looks perfect. Now consider this. If you and this girl took ten minutes to write down twenty likes, dislikes and vulnerabilities I bet I could take both lists and find at least five commonalities. Maybe you are both rabid Tennis fans. Maybe you share the same favorite novel. Maybe you both need an occasional rainy day. Maybe she is attracted to Katherine Heigl, just like you. Those commonalities would be authentic, unforced and cool. So WWND? What exactly would Nostradamus do? Better yet, what will you do? I think you should persistently talk in the I perspective. I have faith that if you express yourself often enough, in a personal manner, you will never have to try to connect with a woman, the connection will find you. When NOT to make conversation Touching Casual touching Touching (also called kino by some) is an easy way to build comfort with a woman.

There are "safe" areas that you can touch: outside shoulder outside arm outside thigh small of her back These are all platonic areas where her brothers and guy friends touch her. We call these the areas "Platonia" - land of "Let's just be friends" You can touch a woman here, but she will not consider it being flirty. If anything, she will be confused about your intentions. This will make her uncomfortable and she won't answer your phone calls. If you want her to know that you're interested you have to touch some different areas. Purposeful touching If you want to make sure a woman knows your flirting with her (recommended) then touch her here: belly inner thigh back of her neck Obviously you can't just start out doing these (except the belly). You should work your way up to it. Start with some casual touching on her outer thigh or shoulder depending on where you're positioned relative to her. Then work your way to something more intimate over the course of the interaction. Belly Kino Sometimes we call this the "Physical SOI" because it is so effective in communicating your interest to a woman. We like to start with belly kino and just ramp it up over the course of the interaction. Use the back of your hand and lightly push a girl away from you on her belly. She will probably jump on you at this point. That is a good thing. Do it more if that happens.

Dealing with problems This section will cover some advanced logistical problems. Women who are working

Some call these girls "hired guns." I don't know why. Sounds dorky to me. There are two main logistical problems that often occur with picking up these girls. They are afraid to flirt in front of their boss. They can't stay with you all night because they have to attend to other customers. The solution is to call out the situation. Don't act like the logistical problems don't exist. Address the problems and then lead the girl through them. "Hey, I like talking to you but I don't want to get you in trouble with your boss. If you have to go help out with other people and then come back that's cool with me." Tell her you like talking to her. Showing interest goes a long way. Then tell her that you'd like to see her when she gets off work. Go for an instant date that night. People are more likely to go along with the adventure when everything is happening there in the moment. More detail to come soon. Women with Boyfriends Nosey friends I met a girl in Boston once who was with her friends in a bachelorette party. She had a boyfriend who either lived in Las Veas or was there for the weekend. I don't remember at this point. She liked me but I had paid ZERO attention to her friends so they were not going to be in my corner to make this hook up happen. As we were flirting I said something that later became my standard kiss close: "Hey, are your friends going to freak out if I kiss you in front of them?" It turns out that yes, they would freak out. And it's obvious why. She met me and we like each other. But she has a BF that all her friends know. If they see her start to hook up with me her reputation is ruined in that social circle. Girls can be vicious. But that doesn't mean that I'm out of the game yet. All I have to do is manage her logistics and I'm good to go. "I totally understand your situation," I said, "And I don't want to ruin your spot here, but I'm not going to lie that I'm very attracted to you and I have been wanting to kiss you for the past hour but I probably shouldn't say until I know you better. Anyway, I'm going to go over there." I pointed to behind a wall by the front door of the bar where her friends couldn't see us. "I want you to wait a minute and then follow me."

She nodded. I got up and walked behind the wall. I think I said I was going to the bathroom or something. So there I am standing behind this wall by the front door, waiting for this girl to show up. It was the longest minute of my life. Then she walked around the corner. I grabbed her and pulled her close to me and threw her against the wall. She was stunned. I was turned on. I grabbed the hair on the back of her neck and guided her lips on to mine. It was one of the hottest kisses of my life. We were all over each other. Finally, I pulled her head back (via the handful of hair still clenched in my fist) and locked eyes with her. "Get your coat. Lets get out of here." Loose cannons I was doing a private instruction once at a swanky hotel bar. Some days luck shines on me brighter than others. This was a good day. My client was 2nd generation Italian and spoke the language fluently. I managed to get us into set with two attractive native Italian women. He was able to speak Italian with the brunette while I seduced the blond. Later in the night, between hot make out sessions, I was dancing with my blond Italian-Albanian girl and she starts giving me a handjob on the dancefloor. "I am doing this chick tonight," I said to myself. Sometimes I am crude. What can I say. But luck decided I had enough. My client's girl for the night had too much to drink and started feeling sick. When girls get sick it reminds me of one of those cheesy 80s movies with Rambo or Chuck Norris running through the jungle dodging bullets and copperhead snakes. It was pandemonium. My girl had to get her friend (who was staying with her from out of town) home. It was 4AM; I was not to get laid that night after all. "But still," I thought, "It is definitely happening." But our schedules just didn't match up. When I was free she was busy. When she had time to kill I was occupied. What a cruel joke to play on a ladies man. This was my loose cannon - the girl was sooooo into me and we had been texting sexual stuff constantly since we met. But the meet up looked like it was impossible.

So I did what every hero of a classic 80s movie does: I improvised. I called her at 12PM on a Tuesday. "Hello?" "Hey, it's me." "Oh Hi!" she said sleepily. "What are you doing right now?" because you can't get sloppy with you phone game even when you're improvising. "Nothing." "Cool. What's your address again?" "Ha ha, it's 123 oakwood. Why?" "I'm coming over. See you soon." "Ok." Closed. Making it Sexual The Wolf metaphor You are a wolf, eat the sheep or chase them away. It is humiliating living in peace with them. - Wayne Elise Carry lip balm Years ago I was a frustrated dater. I would take a woman to dinner. We would make nice, safe conversation. I would discover she liked chocolate. She would discover I liked Barry Manilow. I would try to be funny. She might laugh. Then later I would drive her home. We would sit in the car and talk until I could wrestle up the courage to make my move. I mostly got rejected. 'I don't think so!' she would say. Other times she would remember a pressing need to give her cat a bath. Dates were just anxiety provoking. Then one day I invented a gimmick. As I was sitting across from a woman at dinner I was inspired to pull a Chapstick lip-balm out of my pocket. I popped the cap off in an obvious manner and made a show of glossing over my lips with the stuff. Then I said to her, 'Not that I'm presuming anything, but in case there's any smooching later.' I'm not sure where that stroke of genius came from. I guess desperation is the

mother of invention. She laughed and then I went right back into talking about whatever, So you are going to be a marine biologist? My cousin fell into the Otter tank at Seaworld. We ended up making out in the restaurant parking lot before we had even found my car. I decided to carry a Chapstick on all my dates. It became a win-win. I could judge from a woman's tone if she was up for a physical connection. If she acted distant after the Chapstick I would cut the date short and get home in time to watch Seinfeld. But if she acted cool I knew it was on. My success with women increased dramatically. My dates would even sometimes initiate the kissing. With my new found confidence I started to slow down and enjoy being around women. I have learned since then that you don't need to carry a Chapstick to do this. That was just the prop I used to discover this principle. Setting sexual expectations early is the important part. Do this when you meet a woman. When you make your sexual expectation clear, getting a phone number or an instant date becomes an accounting detail. You can spend your phone calls flirting and your dates flirting more. Women love a man who can make it clear and not waste their time on murkiness. Statement of Intent (SOI) One of the most important techniques in the Charisma Arts arsenal, the SOI occurs as you transition the interaction from a Personal Vibe to a Sexual Vibe. When you SOI a woman you tell her that you are interested in her in a sexual way. For you high schoolers out there, you like her "more than friends." :) There is some misconception that the SOI is a compliment. It is not a compliment is altruistic. It is given without receiving anything in return. Compliment: "You are a fun person." SOIs are not compliments because they are greedy, or at least they should be. Greedy SOIs: To make your game tighter, make your SOIs greedy. That is, show that you get something in return for showing interest. For example: "I find your humor really sexy about you, and I haven't met a girl that could make me laugh in a long time so it's important to me."

Sure I find her humor sexy, but the real believability of the SOI comes from the greedy part. I don't meet girls that make me laugh, so one that can (such as her) is special to me. She earned my interest that way. Does that make sense? Of course, it's hard to SOI a woman if you don't know what qualities you can find sexy about someone. But if you've read this far you should already know that. Light SOIs vs Heavy SOIs The example above (I find your humor really sexy about you...) is an example of a "Heavy SOI." When you know the woman pretty well there is a good chance that you can find something worthwhile to SOI on. One common problem guys have struggled with is finding something SOI-able about a girl when he's only interacted with her for a short time. This is easily solved with a Light SOI. For interactions when I'm with a girl only a short amount of time before I need to escalate I throw out a light SOI. Example: "I like you because you make me laugh [pause], and that's important to me because I'm a serious mofo." or "I like you because you make me smile [pause], and that's important to me because I usually look like this..." then I scrunch my face up like I'm frowning and she will laugh. I tell the girl "I like you because..." Say those words: I like you. They're important. Most guys are too proud to show interest. They are also chronic masturbators. Ok, I don't really have stats on that but I'm pretty sure. Closing Closing logistics I was training a guy to become an instructor in NYC one day and a friend of mine was there helping out. He's a talented ladies' man as well and said something profound about my instructor-in-training. "He's going to be good. He's a closer." There are two important aspects of closing:

Going for it. Clearing out obstacles in the way of closing. The first step requires interest on your part, are you interested, do you want to see her again. If both are true, then you'll need to determine the potential obstacles that could prevent the two of you getting together, boyfriend, her friends are around, she lives half way across the city, she has a cat that will hate you. No matter the situation, you're the guy that's going to find out, and then show that you have the social intelligence to work around it. "It's ok, we'll be discrete", "Introduce me to your friends", "I live two blocks from here", "I have catnip". These topics and more will be included as the wiki is updated. Instant dates There is a special type of close (often used during day game but applies any time) called the Instant Date. The idea is this - you meet a girl and strike up a conversation and it goes well. Instead of getting her number and calling it a day, you instead ask her to commit more to the interaction and sit down for a cup of coffee, tea or people watching with you. But how do you do that? Get her relevant logistics. Say "What have you guys got going on for the next fifteen minutes? She'll say something like "Just shopping, nothing until later, she will say. "Well, I like talking to you. I would like to sit down and have a cup of hot chocolate for five minutes and chat more." Make statements. Tell her what you want to do. Let her choose to follow. Sure, she will say. "Sounds like fun." Club make outs Beware the intense, passionate club make out. It is a trap. Some girls will make out with a guy as a means of validation or attention. "Hi, I'm Jeff." "Hi Jeff, I'm Monika, let's swap spit." It doesn't mean anything. Just like the title of that one book, even though her tongue is playing "go fish" between your 4th and 5th bicuspids, she's just not that into you.

Shocking, I know. I've met many guys with the same story: "We were kissing, like, hardcore; and then her friends came over and POOF - she was gone. What did I do wrong?" Nothing, my friends. That is the curse of the cheesy club make out. When you're with a girl and you succumb to its trap, she will automatically stop taking you seriously. So avoid the cheesy club make out with this patented line: "I would love to make out with you, once I get to know you better. Lets get out of here so we can do that." Phone Closes For a comprehensive breakdown of phone game click here. When to Get a Phone Number If there is anything that frustrates me it is watching a guy settling for a phone number when he could easily push the interaction further. Sometimes the poor girl is begging for him to be a man, lead and take her home, but he instead takes her number and then goes home with his "prize." So here is your new rule*: You only settle for a phone number when you can't take the interaction further that night or day. How to Get a Phone Number Close with a statement. Just say what you want. "I would like to see you again." Make it a statement. Not a question. Tell her what you want. Show interest. It's sexy. And it takes balls. That's what will elevate you above most men. Now shut up. Do not add a single word after that. Become comfortable with the silence. Wait for it... She will say, "Yeah, I'd like to see you too." Ah, there it is. You should then say, "Cool, do you have a cell?" She will hand you her cell phone. Take her cell and punch your number in and call your phone. When your phone rings you hang up her phone and save your number in her cell. Show it to her.

Then take your phone out of your pocket and save her number in. Now tell her when you will call her. "I'm going to call you Sunday evening at 7:30, definitely not when Grey's Anatomy is on." She will laugh and say "Ok." Keep tightening up your game. Foreshadow a date in the future. "When I call you I'm going to tell you how I want to bring you to Art Fest because I think you'll keep me laughing through the whole thing." Paint a picture of what's going to happen on the date so she can see herself there with you. It doesn't matter if this specific date actually happens or not. The point is to get her to contemplate being out with you. She has to be comfortable with that for the date to happen.

That doesn't mean to wait until the end of the night only to find out you can't pull and then grab her phone number and split. That is sloppy game and will lead to flakes. Get her number when it first makes sense to get it, but always push the interaction further. Phone numbers are only part of the race and not finish line. Groups If the thought of approaching a beautiful woman by herself is daunting, then the thought of approaching a group of beautiful women must be sheer terror. Fortunately it doesn't have to be. Here is the secret to handling groups of people: share statements with the whole group... "I have an intuition about you - I think you're from England." ...and ask questions to one person at a time... "So, Jack, what's Manchester like?" ...that way you can focus your vacuum/authority on one person at a time instead of trying to spread it thinly across the group.

Handling two women Some guys think that this is difficult. That is because they are approaching it from

a scarcity mentality. "I've got to isolate one girl from the other in order to make anything happen." That is dumb. You have two women. Flirt with both. Even if you are only attracted to one. It is inevitable that the unattractive girl will try to steal the attractive one away unless the unattractive girl thinks she has a chance. Then she will stick around and so will her attractive friend. But how do you justify your interest in one over the other? Easy. "What's your favorite color?" Hot Girl: "Pink." So-so Girl: "Orange." Start with the girl/color you're not interested in. "Orange huh? It makes me think of what I had for breakfast. Bananas" Jokes don't have to make sense. Just smile and people will think you're charming. Now turn to the girl you're interested in. "But Blue, that has been my favorite color since I opened my first box of crayolas. If I could do it now I would paint my celiing blue so I could lay on my floor and stare at the sky. I like your taste. I want to talk Blue with you." Justification doesn't have to be deep. Just make it believable. Deliver it in a believable way. Now you have justified a reason to focus your attention on the more attractive girl. But we're not done yet. You still have an important step left in running a solid 2set. You must SOI the girl you're interested in in front of her friend. There is no way around it. SOI loudly and confidently in front of her friend. Why do this? Because by doing so you allow her to show interest back to you. If

she were to show interest first, she would look like she's chasing you. Her friend would give her shit for that. Her reputation in that social circle would be questioned. She just met you. It's not worth it to her. So she stays silent. But if you show interest first, she is released from her chains. Now if she shows interest it is merely reciprocal interest. Her friend will think it's cute. You will be so money and you won't even know it. Mixed Groups A mixed group is a group containing both men and women. Open the guys first. Go in smiling and pat the guy on the back. "You guys remind me so much of my friends back home." It's what we call a hook statement - a statement that begets a question. They will ask something like "why" or "where is back home." Now they are asking you questions. It's an open invitation to start sharing/talking about yourself. It's standard Nostradamus theory. If you talk enough about yourself someone in the group will latch on to something and start talking to you about that. Eventually you are no longer a stranger but a cool guy they met. Next step is to get group logistics. "How do you all know each other." Separate the single from the dating. Those are the basics. More advanced group content will be added as the wiki is updated. Large groups You only need to win over two people in any group to be "in" with the group. Open the people on the outside first. They will be glad to have someone to talk to. Ask them "how do you know everyone" to gather logistics. It's probably a group of coworkers. Tell them that they seem friendly and you want to hang out with them for 5 minutes. As you start talking to a large group, focus on including people in your conversation rather than excluding people. The intent is to bring the group closer together. When a group gets too tight, it will inevitably break up into smaller parts. This will seem very natural. Use this as an opportunity to focus on the cute

girls you want to talk to. Dating Setting up the date Simple dates Adventure dates Cascading down an beautiful white ski slope or catching some waves at a surfing lesson with your date might seem like fun. The date itself will probably even be fun. But that's why it's called an adventure date. The date is about the adventure. Not about you. That defeats the purpose of dating. It should be about you and her getting to know each other. It's a crazy concept but bear with me. Have you ever seen those reality shows where they pair some big-boobed 29 year old dental hygienist with a balding, fat 41 year old architect in Miami? They usually put on fat suits and pretend to sumo wrestle then go to dinner at a seafood restaurant. Then the show producers add commentary bubbles to make it less boring. The date ends with the guy dropping the girl off at home saying "I think we really had a connection." Then they cut screen to the girl saying "He was nice but I didn't feel any chemistry. I don't think I'll see him again." That is the fate of adventure dates. Drinks dates Coffee dates Argh, coffee dates are the poison ivy of the dating world. They look simple and harmless at first glance, but once you get too familiar with them they leave you scratching the red puffy spots on your butt. Or something like that. The problem with coffee dates is the same problem with most day dates. They happen during the day, when the sun is shining AKA when people are not hooking up. If you must do a coffee date do it at dusk. Take her to a bohemian cafe that serves coffee and tea, as well wine and obscure foreign beer. Sit in a secluded corner and order wine and a cheese plate. Ok, I will admit I am partial to a good cheese plate, I suppose it is optional for you. Have a game plan - have a place to go once you get sick of coffee and it's time to escalate. People don't make out at coffee shops. I recommend going to the bar around the block from you apartment for drinks afterwards. Getting physical Relationships advice

We know that some of our clients want to be out at the club every night tearing up the dance floor and pulling hot chicks... But we also know that a lot just want to meet a girl that they are crazy about and settle down with her. You don't need a girlfriend One of the rights of passage of every successful ladies man is going through a period of being alone. If this sounds daunting, it's a sign that you still need to become comfortable in your own skin. We find that a lot of people get into relationships because they can't stand the thought of being alone with themselves. But there is a source of power in the ability to be alone and content. You don't need a girlfriend. And that is a good thing. Because when you need a girlfriend, it is a sign that you don't have much to offer one. It is the scarcity mindset: I don't have, therefore I need. When you accept yourself in your own skin, you will become congruent with the mindset of a successful ladies' man. When you don't need a girlfriend, you have the most to offer one. But if you want one... Breaking up The saddest thing in the world is watching people stay in an unhappy relationship simply because they are too scared/lazy to go back to being alone. Breaking up is never fun, but it sometimes has to be done. I have screwed up sooo many breakups by delaying them longer than necessary or stringing them out and getting back together and breaking up 3 or 4 times before it was truly over. When it's time to let someone go, do it with respect and be honest and genuine. Don't burn bridges when you can avoid it. You'll probably still see the other person around so don't make it more awkward than it has to be. Open relationships Special problems Religious women Dating outside your race Younger women Older women Like younger women, women older than you will be concerned about what their friends think. An older woman might just be interested in you for a strictly sexual relationship. There are worse things in the world.

Keep in mind that older women will be more concerned about things like having children and settling down than some younger women. If she doesn't perceive you as ready for this it might be a deal breaker. Clingy women Dealing with Jealousy Retrieved from " php?title=Method_Overview" Views Page Discussion View source History Personal tools Log in / create account Charisma Arts Links Charisma Arts Forum CA Wiki Navigation Main Page All Pages Current events Recent changes Random page Help Search Toolbox What links here Related changes Upload file Special pages Printable version Permanent link This page was last modified 05:40, 26 June 2008. This page has been accessed 2,152 times. Privacy policy About CA Wiki Disclaimers Setting up the date From CA Wiki

Jump to: navigation, search Be definite about what you want, use details when you describe what you want to do with her. Instead of, "Wanna hang out?" say something like, "I want to pick up you Saturday at 3:00, go race go-carts at the track, then drive over to Tony's Restaurant and share a plate of spaghetti and meatballs like those dogs in Lady and the Tramp." Speak in statements instead of questions, as much as possible. Show through your actions that you are a leader instead of a follower in the relationship. Have some standard date plans that you can rely on; places where you have social proof and know what to expect. Plan to use your time together to build comfort, have fun, and get to know each other. Simple dates From CA Wiki Jump to: navigation, search We can't tell you what to do. You have to take the lead and decide what to do on your own dates. There is no CA-approved list of acceptable dates that you can choose from. The basic idea is to design a date that allows both of you to get to know each other better. If you're a Civil War reenactor, you might want to visit a local Civil War battlefield and then show your passion for history by telling her how you feel as you walk the battlefield. Maybe you love the local aquarium. It's a dark, quiet place for a couple to walk around and get to know each other. You get bonus points (in the form of social proof) if you know a few of the employees and carry on little conversations with them. Look around where you live. Take some time and put together a half dozen or so good, stock dates that you can use with new girls. That way, you don't have to think of something new when you ask a girl out. You may be thinking, "She's probably enjoy standard date #3" but what comes out of your mouth is, "Let's go rent a video, then stop by the store and buy stuff to bake some chocolate chip cookies while we watch the movie." No matter where you go, be nice to other people. If you're a jerk when you're dealing with the waiter, the parking valet, and strangers in line, most women will assume you're just a jerk at heart.


From CA Wiki Jump to: navigation, search When you are talking with a woman, you are initially a stranger. People dont divulge their life stories to strangers. You have to make her trust you. You arent just someone who wants to get into her pants, but a genuine person who really is interested in her as a person, not as an object. At least, she hopes so. There is really no way no fake genuineness. Most girls can sense whether you are being real or not. You can wear all the fancy clothes you want, give blood, and even donate money to a poor African village, she still will not trust you because she doesnt know YOU as a person. A way you can generate a seed of trust in a woman is not only to be social with her, but with everyone around you. You are showing your social side and that gives her some reassurance that you didnt just turn on your gift of gab just for her. Talk about details in your life; friends, family, your pet iguana named Jim, anything personal about yourself. It may seem like a small thing, but providing a small peek into your life will cause her to open up. Trust usually comes in an interaction in the rapport stage of the Juggler Method. I wince at calling it a stage because rapport is not a gimmick you can use to pick up women. Rapport happens when you connect on a deeper level with a woman. With that connection comes trust. How do you initiate rapport? By using the I perspective and talking in a relatable way. Ex. You: What was it like to go abroad? Her: It was fun, I guess. You: Yeah, I know what you mean. I recently went to China for the Olympics. It was pretty cool! I saw the Great Wall and Yao Ming in all their glory. I was kinda intimidated. There are so many people there, and I just felt overwhelmed by all the emotions. People there really love their country, and I wish someday I can be as patriotic. You can pause her and let her relate. Or you can ask her another open-ended question.

So, what was the most exciting thing you did while you were overseas? By putting myself out there I give her an opportunity to relate. She gets to know me better as a person, and every sentiment I said is genuine. Being genuine is probably the most important aspect of trust. Its no the lines you say, but the sentiments and feelings behind them. Did you really mean that? Or are you bullshitting? Be honest with your intentions and youll be surprised how many doors open up. -Jason Lee

Sexual Barriers From CA Wiki Jump to: navigation, search Sometimes you can just tell when it's time to kiss a girl. She looks in your eyes, you look back and stare longingly at her lips, soft violins play in the background and small children shower the both of you with flowers. But sometimes, it's not that easy. That's where Sexual Barriers come in - a sure fire way to ramp up sexual tension, state your intent and take some chances. The purpose of a Sexual Barrier is to state your sexual intentions in a way that allows the girl to make a choice without feeling pressured. It deals a hearty blow to the common and awkward problem of a rejected kiss, one night stand or any other activity you can think of. To properly deliver a Sexual Barrier you must present a barrier that she can overcome. Here are some examples of a good Sexual Barrier: Good Sexual Barriers _________________________ "I'd love to kiss you right now, but you're wearing lipstick." "I'd love to take you home right now and do the dirtiest things to you, but my friend drove tonight." This allows the girl to make a choice. In the first example, if she wants to be kissed, all she has to do is remove her lipstick. If it doesn't happen right away, don't worry; allow the Sexual Barrier to incubate and eventually hatch into dozens of beautiful sexually charged moments. I once delivered this very same Sexual Barrier and an hour later she reached into her purse, pulled out a napkin, looked me straight in the eyes and removed her lipstick.

Make sure not to give her a Sexual Barrier that she can't over come. Here are some examples of some bad Sexual Barriers: Bad Sexual Barriers _________________________ "I'd love to kiss you right now, but my whole life I've been really shy. I think it started when I was 15 and I got rejected by Janice, the head of the A/V department. I cried for weeks over that." "I'd love to kiss you right now, but I never kiss blond girls." Sure, I suppose she could dye her hair, or perhaps send you to a psychologist, but that sounds like a lot of work to me. The point is, it should be something she can overcome easily. Now go out there, deliver some Sexual Barriers and make us proud!

Openers From CA Wiki Jump to: navigation, search Opening is the key to any interaction. If you don't open you can't gain. Every single "method" known to man has a way to open. David De Angelo has C&F. Mystery Method has opinion openers and negs. Thundercat has a whole book on lines of what to say to gain access to a woman. and Juggler method has.....nothing. I'm kidding of course, but the special thing about opening with the Juggler Method is I never think about what to say. My usual opener is either Hey, I'm [Enter Name Here]... The key is this. I don't think about what I say, but HOW I say it. People always try to say the perfect line that's witty and everything. But the truth is its not the content. People don't care what you say but if you have a good vibe. If you come up and say something amazing but you're all in your head and not really caring what you say she will be weirded out as hell. How do you create a good vibe? Be genuinely interested in the conversation. Care about other people. And don't think about pickup. Don't make it a chore like, Hey I'm only doing this because I want to get laid and that's my only reason to approach. You will be fucked. Plus I want to get to know someone before I sleep with them. She could be as hot as

hell, but if she hates on people and kicks her dog, frankly I'm not interested. But wait you say! I can't just open with hello! I just can't! And why not? Routines and canned openers are just a way to hide. Every guy wants confidence. Confidence is the ultimate attraction routine. Routines and canned materials mask insecurity about what you want to say and come off most of the time as disingenuous. The ones that do pull off canned openers are not coming from a place of no confidence. They are confident in playing the role of entertainer and they don't come off as try-hard. Personally I can't entertain. When I opened before with routines, I was never as interesting as I was after the opener. Now I never have to be. I can just be myself and that works just as well. The Juggler Method does have some ways to aid opening though. For Day Game - Venue Specific Opener: Notice something about the particular environment you're in and comment on it. - Compliment Opener: Give her a compliment about something you noticed about her (without waiting for a reaction) - Situational Opener: Comment on something she's doing/the situation - "Floppsy" Opener: Wayne coined this term. He was out with a group when he noticed an old lady with a rabbit named Floppsy. Girls always seemed to flock by and comment on it. So Wayne and Co. camped out and opened people with ease. The opener is not to carry around a rabbit all day, but to preempt her response, anticipate it. Ex. If you're in a bookstore and she's standing at a shelf, you know what she's about to do (take a book off the shelf) so you can seize on it ("Oh no, not that one. Here's a better one). And just like that, you've opened. - Focus Opener: Comment on where her focus is. For example, Juggler uses the example of a major tragedy. Everyone will be talking about it. It's easy to open then. Another example Wayne uses is: "The other day I was in a clothing store and I saw this cute girl squatting down going through the piles of jeans. She kept looking through the pile with a frown on her face. I knew she was thinking, "Why the fuck do they put my size on the bottom of the pile?" So I said, "Why the fuck do they put your size on the bottom

of the pile?" And she was like "YEAH!" It was a good start." For Night Game Night Game with Juggler Method is different from most methods. We don't attempt to entertain people. Don't focus on just the hot girls at the bar. Be friendly with everyone. Notice them and be social. A lot of guys focus on approaching as many sets as possible. Honestly this makes it really hard for you. Why do you have to piss off half the bar to open successfully? I don't open the unfriendly ice princess. I open the friendly looking guy whose laughing at the top of his lungs. Who knows; they may be friends with our ice princess. Now I have a wing/way to open her. Do one or two cold approaches at night as opposed to 10-20. If you show your social side people will see that and be more receptive. If you approach the hot girl and bomb you will get emo and depressed and usually psyched out. You will not like approaching anymore and you will miss out on the people that WANT to talk to you. Make friends with them. You will have potential wings or mates who have connections. Maybe Hi, I'm [Enter Name Here] won't work on the unfriendly people but it sure will work on those friendly ones. Because now you are part of a group. When you want to meet the ice princess, you have social standing and she's seen people like you and are social. Naturally she'll be more open then she was initially. So the first rule is, if you see someone by themselves, go talk to them. The second rule is, don't leave someone. If you want to ditch them, bring them to someone else's group and then leave them. Run night game and be friendly and social. That's all there is to it. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO HAVE FUN!

Religious women From CA Wiki Jump to: navigation, search Religious Women Hmm, imagine its 3 PM and youre at a bookstore. People are busy and traffic is buzzing inside, so you decide to take a walk around to see who you might meet. As you stroll down the aisles of books you look for books that catch your eye. War and Peace? Too heavy. The Idiots Guide to Walking in a Bookstore? Hmmmaybe.

The Game? What the hell? Suddenly you stop. A book, some legs, and then some catch your eye. The book is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and the legs belong to the attractive female holding a really thick book that looks to you like a Bible. Welcome to the religious section.

A Woman At Prayer So what are my thoughts on religious women? Being religious myself (and reconciling both religion and JM) I see no difference in treating religious women different from others. All women want to be loved and respected while being shown a good time. Just because they are religious doesnt mean they are any less of a woman. Here are my views from personal experience. Guidelines on Religious Women Religious Women, unless they are just surface dabblers and pay lip service, have limitations. They may not feel comfortable having sex with you on a first night. They may not feel comfortable having a threesome or anything of that nature. This doesnt mean she wont do it, it just means right now her convictions tell her it is not the right thing to do. Limitations can be broken and bypassed. Now Im not saying actively try to tempt her and test her resolve, as a matter of fact just the opposite. I want her to be fully aware that I know her limitations, where she stands on things and understand what she wants. Now I will let her know I am interested, but I will leave the decision up to her whether or not she wants to stretch those limits and justify them to God later. In giving any woman the freedom of choice, you give her more options and make her feel more comfortable with you. We are gentleman. Religious Women, if they like you enough, may want to convert you. In their minds, they see a potential long term relationship possibly happening, and they want to adapt your lifestyle to theirs. Of course, assuming you dont want to do that, still be open-minded and understanding. Admire her convictions. If shes taking the time and effort to try and convert you, shes definitely committing to the interaction. You have to realize, most religious people, if they are genuine in their interest in you, will try to convert you because they have a real concern for your well being. If the religion is non-proselytizing dont worry about the above statement. Take the fact that they care in stride, even if you disagree. I personally find that sexy ^^.

Be prepared to address issues of religion in discussion in a nice, nonjudgmental way. This usually doesnt come up in first discussions or casual meetings, but if you have been seeing this girl for a long period of time and religion is more than just some chore to her, you will eventually have to address the topic of religion. This ties in with the above bullet point, but I thought to make a third one to simply emphasis, NON-JUDGMENTAL. Throw out all your previous thoughts about religion beforehand, all your negative presumptions and just listen with an open mind. Be genuine. Who knows, something profound may resonate with you. Personally, I find religion and JM totally compatible, and even enriching for both sides. Plus if shes religious, chances are shes going to be pretty nice and caring (not always). LISTENING is KEY When you couple that along with the fact that you know she too . is human, and realize that religion doesnt put her in some exalted position, you will have great interactions. Plus having deep philosophical discussion while having sex is a win win :P Thats all my thoughts on religious women. Always remember to approach the issue with an open mind. And have fun with her; dont be shackled by her limitations! Realize they exist and acknowledge them, but dont structure your life to fit them. Be free flowing and allow yourself and her to do whatever it takes to enjoy life together. Peace, Jason Lee

Open relationships From CA Wiki Jump to: navigation, search To successfully date multiple women your inner game has to be solid. Inner game is about a guy going "I am happy as is." That will not change the way a woman reacts to you, but it will affect how you feel about yourself when she reacts badly. Inner game is about being selfish. Its your job to can clearly explain what you want to the women you date. It's all about what you want. With a woman, it is always your job to lead. You have to tell her you want an open relationship, explain why in a way she can emotionally relate to, and be unattached to the outcome. When you tell her you are going to date other people, she will probably walk away. They almost always do. Its perfectly normal for her to freak out, slap you and walk away. Keep telling her she is special; you just aren't ready to settle down with one

person right now. Don't get defensive, just state your simple little truth and stick to it. Stay true to yourself. Most likely, she will calm down, come back to you, and it will be awesome. The important thing is that you don't get emotional. Stick to your guns and if you do that she will probably come back. Ill say it again; with a woman, it is always your job to lead. If you're looking for the right way to tell her, here's what Wayne had to say, If and when it comes up, say this, "Yes, I'm dating so and so. I'm not really looking for anything serious right now. I like you a lot, don't get me wrong. I want to keep seeing you but I just can't be that serious with one person right now. I hope you understand. I think you're amazing." Send those two signals. If she insists you can only date her or nothing then let her go. Do not get upset or emotional or defensive. Just be the broken record here. You think she is amazing, you want to keep seeing her, but you need to date other people too. She will get mad, stomp her feet and break up with you. So long as you don't get emotional as well, she will come back. Also, you may want to consider letting her know that you are into 3somes. It's never too early to do that. (Notice how he keeps complimenting the girl? He doesnt just slap her with the idea he wants to date other people. He sees good things about her and he points them out to her. He just doesnt want to get serious with anyone right now.)

De-strangerfying From CA Wiki Jump to: navigation, search When you open someone their first thought is, "Who is this person and why is he talking to me?" I don't blame them. At this point I am a stranger, and we all know that people don't talk to strangers. That is why it is my job to take away the stranger aspect; it is time to de-strangerfy myself. I do this by talking in a relatable way using the "I" Perspective. There is a misconception in the Juggler Method that you are supposed to relate to everything people say. That is wrong and will lead you to bad results. Babies will cry, ice cream will melt and big girls will wear bikinis at the beach when you do that. Instead, it is your job to allow people to relate to what you say. That is why you should talk in the I Perspective. It allows people to relate to you, and when people relate to you they will view you as being familiar. They will say "He's like me." And that is a very good place to be. It has been said that people like two things: themselves and people like them.

Dealing with Jealousy From CA Wiki Jump to: navigation, search Ra's Take On Dealing With Jealousy We've all been there. You're at the bar with your date. She's giggling at your jokes. She lays her hand on your wrist and gazes at you with those eyes. You're in love. Well, you love that she seems to love you, anyway. And then your buddy asks if you'd like another drink. He asks you. But he's looking at her. She blushes. She didn't blush with you. You've known him for years. You were the best man at his wedding. You know that he's taken, and happily so. He's not trying to steal her from you. So what is that you're feeling? You have this urge to poke his eyes out or at least do that thing where you lift up the windshield wipers on his car so they point straight into the sky. But no. You're a charismatic ladies man. You can't be jealous. Yet you are. How to deal with jealousy: The first step to solving a problem is recognizing the cause of the problem usually it's a feeling of inadequacy. Admit it, you feel she'll stick you with the tab and catch a ride home from the guy on that Harley Fat Boy. So you struggle to eliminate the competition by purchasing male enhancement pills, a Porsche, or even renewing that gym membership at the YMCA your mother got you after your last break up. But, buck up because I am going to show you how eliminating jealousy is simpler than iTunes and cheaper than generic cola. Push her away. Push her towards the source of your jealousy. Her jaw will drop to the floor because most guys want to keep her away from all possible threats. She uses jealousy to test your commitment to her. Smile like George Clooney, put your hand on her hips, and gently push her towards that other guy she's going to be shocked. If she comes back, you'll know she wants to be with you. You will have nothing to be jealous of anymore because now you have proof that she is committed to you.

And if she doesn't come back, there's still that Porsche. Jason's take on Dealing With Jealousy There she is. Can you see her? Shes the one you desire the most, long for on a daily basis, dream aboutand shes with someone else. Whats wrong with the sentence above? Besides the someone else. Well first thing, admit to yourself. Youre jealous. And not only jealous, but probably feeling some pretty conflicting emotions at the same time. Jealousy is something every human being is experiencing, experienced, and always will experience as life unfolds. Its a natural human tendency to feel anger and envy at someone or something that steals what we desire. In fact, jealousy may even make us lash out unpredictably in ways we never thought we could or wanted to do, revealing a very dark side of ourselves. In the sentence above, words like desire and long for all share a common theme and connection. When you are jealous, you have one single desire. To wreak havoc on the one who stole her from you. You become obsessed. Your every thought and action revolves around her, who shes with, what shes thinking about, and what kind of a douchebag that guy is. It doesnt matter if you are looking for a long-term relationship, or just a ONS. Jealousy kills attraction and pretty much saps your mind from thinking about anything else. You are so focused on the anger and envy you feel towards the other guy you dont present yourself normally. She picks up on that and if shes not already somewhat turned off by you, she soon will be. How do you solve jealousy then? Jealousy cannot be cured by a one-time solution. I have personally felt jealousy before and I know I will feel it again. There is no magic bullet. You will always feel jealous at some point in your life, maybe not to the extent of above, but it will be there. Despite this, jealousy can be kept at bay. It all begins with your mindset. Why are you jealous? Do you think that she is interested in the other guy and not you? Well the fact is, she is. But not because of the reasons you think. Jealousy springs first and foremost from a lack of confidence in oneself and ones abilities. You feel inadequate in your own attractiveness, and with that inadequacy comes clinginess and neediness. You lack confidence in yourself. By becoming jealous

and showing signs of irritation, anger, and just plain hostility, you subconsciously give off a different vibe. This is not the normal you. She picks up on that and observes the signs and signals your needy vibe SHOUTS out, via body language(twitchy gestures, rigid movements, glaring eyes, etc) and verbal cues(stiff language, forced humor/laughter, awkward moments of silence). How do you get rid of that needy vibe then? Two words. Stop caring. So what if shes with someone else? You are too obsessed with what she thinks. Oh, does she like him better than me now? Maybe its his clothes, or his suave accent, or his car. I knew she liked him from the start! I better find something that I can one up him in. Then I can win her back! BAD BAD BAD. Wayne once had a brilliant quote on the matter of wanting a girlfriend. You don't need a girlfriend. And that is a good thing. Because when you need a girlfriend, it is a sign that you don't have much to offer one. It is the scarcity mindset: I don't have, therefore I need. When you accept yourself in your own skin, you will become congruent with the mindset...when you don't need a girlfriend, you have the most to offer one. -Wayne Elise I feel the concept of not caring illustrated in the quote is ideal in dealing with jealousy. The commonality in both of them is want. You want a girlfriend, you want her to like you more than that other guy. My question is why? The more you desire something, the more you will cling to it. Women hate clinginess, and by showing jealousy, you dig yourself deeper into a hole. Be confident in yourself that yes, she can show interest in someone else; she can even go out with him if she chooses. That makes no difference to you. You know yourself, your own abilities, and your own qualities. You are confident that you are attractive to women. So you dont care if someone you like is flirting with someone else. You cannot live her life. You can only live your own. So live it. You have your own universe and she does not run it. When you show that you are okay with her being/flirting with someone else, chances are not only will your mind be more at ease and not overwhelmed by analysis and negative thoughts, she will see your confidence and seek you out. You cant win all your fights, however. She may be satisfied with him and you will have to just accept the fact and move on. Dont force an issue you cant win. If youre happy, youre happy. If shes happy, shes happy. Lets keep it that way.

Phone game From CA Wiki Jump to: navigation, search Contents 1 What is Phone Game? 1.1 What is the purpose of Phone Game? 2 So How do I Do It? 2.1 In The Beginning 2.2 OK, It's Ringing... 2.3 Is She Committed? 2.4 More Logistics 2.5 The Close What is Phone Game? Phone game involves the physical process of picking up the phone, dialing the number and setting up a date. What is the purpose of Phone Game? The purpose of Phone Game is to set up a date. The purpose of Phone Game is not to talk on the phone. So How do I Do It? In The Beginning Here's how most guys screw up phone game: They sit on their couch, in their boxers, with all the lights turned out and the TV on mute. The phone is clutched in one hand and the remote control is in the other. This way making a simple phone call becomes an event. Talking on the phone should not require the same amount of concentration as covert military operations. We like calling our girls when we are preoccupied with something else. We know that sounds bad but hear us out. Call a girl when you are doing something physical that requires part of your attention. It will divert you away from any nervousness you are feeling about making the call.

Back your car into a parking space while calling the girl. Walk to the pub with your mates and drop a few paces behind everyone else as you make your calls. Drive home from work and start dialing (voice-activated dialing of course, safety first). The point is phone game doesn't have to be daunting. Focus your attention on something physical and the fear will go away. OK, It's Ringing... [To make this easier on yourself, check out our How To guide on Number Closing] So you've called up a girl you met earlier in the week. It's ringing... "Hello" Her voice is smoky and sweet, like Starbucks coffee. Well, at least some of the coffee - the smoky kind. Anyway, why are you thinking about coffee? Concentrate on the phone. "Hi Gina, it's Tommy." (Anyone get the Bon Jovi reference? No? Maybe I need to update my iTunes playlist.) "Hi Tommy." Is She Committed? When I call a girl on the phone I want her to be focused and committed to talking to me. Undivided attention and all that stuff. Call me greedy but that is how it is. But what if she's legitimately busy? How can you lead, on the phone nonetheless, when a girl is busy? For example, if you called me right now (while I am sitting here in my boxers with the lights out and the TV remote clutched in one hand, etc.) I would have plenty of time to talk to you and my focus would be totally on you, which would be ironic since I'm writing an article about this stuff right now. But if you called me in about 30 minutes you would find me elbows-deep in my plan to make chocolate covered strawberries for my date and I to eat while we watch Indiana Jones 3 tonight. In the latter case, I would not be focused on talking to you. Have you ever tried to microwave chocolate? Didn't think so. It's easy but it cools off and gets hard again pretty fast. Don't disrupt me from my strawberries. Back to phone game, I promise.

So I want the girl to be committed. How do I get her committed? Well, first I need to figure out her logistics. Let's go back to our sample phone call. Gina: "Hi Tommy." Tommy: "Hey, so what are you doing right now?" It was important that Tommy ask this logistical question. Now Gina will answer in one of two ways: she's either busy or she's not. Let's say she's busy... Gina: "I'm working late for a report that's due tomorrow at 9AM. I'm totally stressed out about it and my boss will fire me if I don't have it on his desk by the time he gets to work." She's pretty busy. Tommy would be socially uncalibrated if he told her to drop her work and talk with him for a few minutes. His best bet is to empathize with her and then lead. Tommy: "Wow, it sounds like you are super busy. I don't want to get you distracted. I'll give you a call tomorrow at 7 when you're less busy, or you can call me whenever you need a break if you feel like it." Key Points to Leading: tell her that you'll call her when she's less busy. Be Specific. "I'll call you at 7, when Grey's Anatomy is over" or "I'll call you at 8:30 when the Manchester United game is over." Then give her the option to call you if she feels like it. A lot of the time girls will call back in 20 minutes to an hour if they're into you and want to talk but you just happened to call at a bad time. Give them the option to call you back and watch the calls flood in. But - always tell them you'll call them at a specific time. It's just tighter game that way. Ok, what if she isn't busy? Tommy: "Hey, so what are you doing right now?" Gine: "Nothing." This is a common answer. No big deal. Just tell her what you're doing right now. Tommy: "Well I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'm walking down the street here with my mates. We're about three blocks from my favorite pub. It's getting dark so I think it's going to rain soon. [Then in a joking tone of voice] I think there's someone following me - tall guy in a black trenchcoat and top hat. It's either a spy... or Abe Lincoln. What would James Bond do?" Remember, it doesn't have to make sense, the whole point is to reestablish a good vibe. Have fun, lead, and she will follow you into your world. Usually girls will open up and start telling you stories about their day at this point. Listen. Free associate off of it. Have a normal conversation.

But don't get sloppy on me yet. There are more logistics to figure out. More Logistics Tommy: "Anyway, what have you been up to since we last talked?" Why ask this? Anything can happen: She got back together with her ex boyfriend. A relative died. She got fired from her job and is depressed. All these things could seriously change her mind about dating. You don't want to be a blind driver, right? So don't take the time between when you met her and when you called her for granted. Usually her answer is again, "Nothing much." But make sure you run the tightest game possible and always ask. What's next? Tell her what you've been up to since you last saw her. "Remember how I was telling you how I think everyone that works at the Apple Store is required to wear skinny jeans? Well I went in there yesterday wearing a pair on accident and everyone started asking me to fix their iPods..." Make her laugh. Sure, it's not required but people can't fake it when something is funny. You can fake a laugh, but you can't make yourself laugh. We depend on other people to give us the gift of laughter, so give it to her. Then close. The Close What is the point of phone game? It's to set up a date, remember? So at some point you've got to close, and we like to make our closes as organic as possible. That means don't force it. Here's how to screw up and force a close: "Ha ha, and so that's how my uncle had diabetes, anyway what are you doing

Friday?" Don't be ashamed of asking her out. Or telling her out as I will explain later. A lot of guys try to sneak the close on at the end of an unrelated sentence. That's not natural. It won't fit the flow of the conversation. Instead do this. Tommy: "Hey, I really like talking to you, but we just got to the pub and it's going to be too loud to talk inside so I'm going to have to go." Gina: "...Oh, ok..." Tommy: "But...I would like to see you again." Just say what you want. "I would like to see you again." Make it a statement. Not a question. Tell her what you want. Show interest. It's sexy. And it takes balls. That's what will elevate you above most men. Now Tommy should shut up. Do not add a single word after that. Become comfortable with the silence. Wait for it... Gina: "Yeah, I'd like to see you too." Ah, there it is. Now clean up the logistics and close solid. Tommy: "Cool, what's your schedule like next week?" Gina: "I'm free Tuesday and Wednesday nights." Tommy: "Wednesday works great for me. Lets go to Underbar at 9. Wear something you can dance in." Gina: "Ok! See you then." Now go hang out with your mates and meet more women. Having a steady flow of women will keep your vibe solid and give you plenty of practice when it comes to getting used to phone game.

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