We dont hv internet at home as yet i m ok i know i know i dont know what to write my 1st day to office was on friday

for ankit it was mon the 1st day and also the half day and also the last day!! since he is on bench with no project at the moment he is enjoying at home so he is cooking breakfast and lunch for me these days we were very busy buying stuff for home cleaning home and i am trying to keep up with the new home cleanliness standards the best thing i liked is space i am getting - whole 1 bathroom to myself. since there r 2 bathrooms. earlier ankit didnt like the fact i hv separated my bathroom from his. but we talked it out - i have hundreds of bottles in bathroom and he has billions!!!! it wud hv been very messy to hv 2 ppl's stuff in one 2nd space in kitchen ofcourse drawbacks are also there, but lets be optimistic than realistic ;) well bhabhi is playing up with me.. she doesnt like me at all :) she is saying all bad things abt me at home and here also not liking me also he told bhaiya "kisi ka saman jaye na jaye mera jaroor jayega" and he left most of our stuff in india ... my jeans and woolens i gave him to bring and kitchen stuff ankit gave him. we had to buy here. funny thing is that she gets upset so quickly so everybody treats her with so much care (even me). so she is treated like a princess :D when i went to there place i was trying to talk to her and she walked out on me and she told everybody i was ignoring her. :) anyways i dont even feel like responding to half of the things! I hv got to know that ankit had been planning to go to chandigarh in few years time to take care of his old parents and I was not aware that they wont be coming here coz they wud not like to. I am not sure if I wud like to stay there. Anyways after all this 1 good thing is I hv told ankit I cant be socializing and talking over phone like him so much and I need to do things I like to do like read books etc.. I dont want to waste all my weekends doing this... And he completely understands and says that I dont need to change my aspirations. I can continue with that and can go to Warburton (Buddhist temple) whenever I want. And I dont need to always come while he is socializing. He can sometimes go alone to play cricket etc. with bhaiya (I dont need to be part of it everytime). I am happy its clear and he understood coz I was sick of socializing almost daily since we came and on top of that bhabhi saying ankit ab tu aa gaya hai .. hum hamesha aate

jaate rahenge, and ofcourse without appointments!! mera to sun ke he sona nikalne wala tha but seems like it will be fine now. He can do that always. I will join only sometimes. My fingers crossed. Coz it means a lot to me that I get time for myself. Anyways I dont enjoy there company as much coz I dont speak much coz if I speak (whenever I did) bhabhi feels threatened and her mood getting upset is very obvious to everyone. If I talk to the whole group then she starts walking away from there. And if I crack some joke its taken in wrong way. I now I hv to most of the time keep my mouth shut. I know mummy wud be interested to know meri aur ankit ki kaisi chal rahi hai. So the answer is its fine. He is very happy with me (as he mentioned couple of times after seeing my behavior). But having said that we hv had many fights many bad ones in paris too I found him very angry, demanding and very controlling... Infact the worst fights were in paris only ha ha Now all is settling down a bit. Since many days there has been no fight at all. I have been making him realize how much he is demanding and I say nothing at all to what he does. May be he is realizing or mey be he is busy with other things at the moment hhahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Or may be coz I am in office most of the time hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa lol.. But dont make any conclusions out of anything I hv written above. Infact that is the very reason I dont know what to write or talk over phone. Coz over the phone or email ppl talk things that are atleast of some relevance. And none of what I hv written above is of relevance to me. Coz situation change, people change, perceptions change, needs/requirements/expectations/views change. There is nothing that doesnt change. So when next moment everything can change then why talk abt it now. Next moment it might hv no significance of what I said just now! But inspite of all that I considered foolish to write I wrote thinking I hv not talked to u since long time. Its my duty and u like to hear things so I wrote. But I dont enjoy doing that and then mummy discussing over these irrelevant thing she getting happy for good ones and feeling bad for bad ones (neither of which is significant. I am writing just coz it was expected of me and I wrote as my duty). Ya mummy was annoyed that she got more info from ankit in paris as to what was happening. I cant do that. I was neither sooooooooooo existed like him seeing paris nor sooooooo much upset like him when things went wrong. I cant do wow at everything and devastate my whole day just coz something went wrong. So when I get to talk over phone he remembers all that happened that elevated his mood so much or devastated him so much. And i know

nothing what to tell. I cant even recall what to say. What do I do pls understand I cant help it. But I cant. Infact I get amazed when I see him talking over phone what all he is telling and how he is telling!! pls excuse me for that and I dont want to hear everytime that papa is upset with u and dont want to talk coz u dont tell anything . how long are u going to do that ? whole life ? it wud be easier if u change ur expections now in this regard pls and stop making me feel guilty of what I cant do. DELETE THE EMAILS AFTER READING NO POINT COLLECTING

Ishita Mishra 13.07.2010 Information Consultant Information Systems Support Information Management and Services VicRoads

ya so mummy calls saying how r u? i said happy (as i told u i will always be) then she asks how is marriage? i said okey (as it is for everybody) then she says r u not happy? NOW WHAT DOES THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? JOKE OF THE YEAR ? lol :D haha ok then when she goes on i realised she is just very concerned and wants to know if i am facing problems so that she can advise me on them but mummy, who in this world doesnt hv problems? does it mean they describe them to their mummy and then mummy thinks of all possible solutions whether applicable or not and then tell them back? arey i dont understand ki aap "mast" kyun nahi rehtii ho? i said "i m happy" and that answer shud be enough for u, WHY am i happy? HOW am i happy? shud not bother u... i understand u r concerned but as i said u can try to concentrate ur worry on only 1 thing i.e. "I AM HAPPY OR NOT"... not on "WHY", & "HOW" - whether due to this aspect u r happy.... - how can u stay happy when... - what r the milestones, and problems that u r facing/overcoming to ultimately be happy - etc when u know ULTIMATELY i am happy... then why discuss abt the process and encounters on the way please someone please try to explain each line to her written here in hindi & NICELY and convince her that if at all that matters is that 1 sentence that i am happy or not and not the rest for example: if i ask ishan if he is happy? most probably he will say "yes" and tahts what really matters.. right.. rest is trivial now if i start asking him ... 1) r u happy with what mummy cooked today 2) r u happy with dadi does it matter.. it doesnt really affect his overall happiness or may be it does.. it depends on ur attitude.. correct?

anything good in life u r happy with anyway. anything problematic is a learning opportunity which is great in a way. so either way if u take that attitude u can be happy if u have keenness to learn abt life along with fun. so now drop asking other questions!! and pls stop making marriage as the main factor for happiness if at all there is anything that i can at the moment think of as a factor that influences my happiness is "time for myself" in that time i see/change my attitude to face the world to be happy. u cant change any other thing much than just ur own attitude. if u dont get that time to think over REGULARY, u get lost in the same race that people ask u to run. and REGULARITY is very important for me, coz if i dont get that time regularly, i lose the track and get lost, then suddenly i am very sad and its hard to deal with things around. So biggest disadv i always felt abt marriage was that i dont get that time. its not and was never abt how ankit is. If i get that time, i will be able to deal with most of it. But if i dont get that time, everything start bothering me coz i dont know how to deal with so much around. So, basically u know now hopefully that there is no point asking if i am liking marriage, how is ankit, is he angry, etc etc. these are not relevant questions. DONT MAKE THINGS COMPLEX FOR U :)

Ishita Mishra 15.07.2010

My major problem is i am not getting time for my self. His major problem is that he feel i am doing less house hold work compared to him. So problems are just around that. About his complaint i feel that its not justified coz 1) he has been sitting home all throughout, has more time than me 2) he gets up late, sleeps in afternoon, watches 1 or 2 movies, talks over phone, emails, always with his blackberry while i dont do anything apart from household work or little bit study (i am not getting much time for study AT ALL) 3) i go home and cook 11 rotis and do once in a while other things as well whenever i get time 4) he has so much time, so he cleans the house (if he is a clean freak and keeps cleaning floor and changing the aluminium foil for grill so often),

its not my problem that he says i dont share equally. rest washing etc etc we do equally. Yes, my clothes r not all sorted as yet, but then I hardly got time if he bothers to think abt it. Only weekends r there in which bhaiya bhabhi comes. I am hating this extra social life where i am not getting time for myself at all. even when they r there, i am mostly doing some or the other work even though nothing much gets done like that & he is sittle idle. so i think it shud not be seen as who does more work but who is more idle! i never waste time. if i accidently sleep more, regret.. not like him, getting up at 8:30/9:00.. i get up at abt 5:45 do ceragym and rest and then again get up max by 7:15. he sleeps in afternoon too. i dont even on weekends. can u imagine how many days he has been enjoying at home, so relaxed and still argues abt work. what i hate the most is not that he cant work. I know he can. And it doesnt matter to him at all. But he clearly says - "I argue coz i want u to work, U r working nothing"

Kind Regards, Ishita Mishra 02.08.2010

mail to mama below if u r interested coz mummy called yesterday and mentioned abt people's attitude in general so thought of forwarding u hoping u will understand i was just like that before but i dont want to carry that attitude that leads to so much suffering i feel so much happy and free even when i have just started to let go of that analysis (attitude) i realised that such analysis is often wasteful in life judging others and self and giving them & ourselves pluses and minuses it happens sometimes without knowing coz we are so much conditioned but the more i am mindful of not doing it and letting taht go, the more and more i can feel free and happy :) so dont force me to go back that pathway

i dont want to go back that pathway and since i am still in learning stage, ur calls confuse me and always makes me -ve (DO REALISE THAT PLEASE) Kind Regards, Ishita Mishra 12.10.2010

You are right mama, it is not good at present. And countries will criticise if that big event had problems. We all have to be open to criticism which helps in our improvement. And many things needs improvement there. But he was making a different point. He was not telling to ignore the ves. Everybody and every country has its problems (more or less), but its all abt attitude of most of indian people (u might not be much aware of the attitude of majority of people (ppl) in india, coz in our immediate family its not reflected that much). People there have developed the habit of criticising sooo much that they feel very -ve and hopeless doing anything abt it. it has just become their habit pattern to find ve, criticise and not do anything abt it and make it worse. Its very true and I have seen people who do not make the surroundings dirty abroad, I have seen those people throwing chewing-gum rappers in india (near airport). Also I have heard of ppl who go there and cheat in india, bribe in india, or find shortcuts in india to get work done etc. now offcourse india provides that option & other countries dont. so ppl do it. and the explanation is that we alone not taking the advantage of the existing system wont change the system. If we wont do it, someone else will. But things have to start somewhere. If I who is earning in $$ and are used to paying fines in australia, go to india and am tempted to break rules for my gain then how can i expect ppl staying hand to mouth not break rules? This is not easy to erase completely. But +ve attitude does help. Thats what they teach these days to bring up children. praise them when they do right things too, so that they get encouraged and have more eagerness to continue atleast what they achieved and slowly they will get habit to do more and more good & to get more of encouragement. This attitude of ppl is not only towards govt, politics, country, but also towards other people, and life at large. I was exactly the same having brought up in that environment. People focus on finding faults in themselves, others, in life, and crib abt it. Mummy calls me and every time tries to convince me that a daughter shud discuss all the problems with her

mom and asks me the problems only (inspite of my telling that problems or no, I am very very happy and I hv evidence to convince her of my happiness) but she is persistent on knowing and discussing abt problems, inspite of my saying that even with problems one can enjoy and take it as wonderful learning opportunity. Sometimes infact I enjoy problems coz I learn so much from them. Butonly if one has the right attitude. I told her I dont like to analyse people/things/situations, find faults and talk abt faults. I enjoy what I have there r countless good things I hv and countless bad things I dont have.. I dont hv joints ache, tooth ache, sickness, have got good place, good food, good opportunities, uncountable things!!! And I am so happy!!! But ppl are so much conditioned that they think that all the problems need to be solved before they can get ultimate happiness. Which is never possible so they keep striving for solving out ALL problems all their young age till they get old and lose even what they had before (eg good health)! I know I digressed but its the attitude that affects all aspects of life and atleast the attitude shud be right to start with My fav quote :) Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; The courage to change the things I can; And the wisdom to know the difference. Actually criticisms and finding faults is very important for improvement but ppl shud also know the good things, not to get proudly but so that it gives balanced perspective and encouragement to improve, not feel so dejected with all -ves that stop doing anything about it. i think u r quite +ve so u might not understand what attitude i or he was talking abt

Kind Regards, Ishita Mishra 12.10.2010

Things to get: Himalaya Herbal Healthcare Protien Conditioner (Repair & Regeneration) Dry / Damaged Hair (2-3 bottles) 4 litre cooker rubber (if hard to go and buy this leave it coz ankit has already bought one) ceragym 2 bulb projector

red wallet (please check EVERYTHING inside it before handing that out to him).. see if nothing personal there sunglasses kept in white purse white purse too (i need that.. i know its old, still i need that) check what else is there in white purse (except wallet, sunglasses and white ipod{dont give ipod to him}) contact lens (will decide and tell which ones) do check lakshminagar doctor's database if the number is -4.5 contact lens solution (which one and number of bottles to be decided) pink suit white suit anusha engagement suit firozi suit my engagement sari embroidery tunic (which mummy doesnt like) cant remember more....... (if mummy knows then confirm from me tomm) mummy i had a talk with him and he said its better u take all this on 3rd so that he has idea how much stuff is there coz he has also bought lot of stuff for house including quit etc he is allowed 30-40 kgs .. he also is carrying all that stuff bhaiya didnt take for me last time (my woolen clothes).. so that alone is i think 15-20kgs..... so dont even mention abt album.. also it doesnt look nice the function is 1-2 i think what he mentioned he said there will be someone to pick and drop u up i told him that u will give him a call .. coz u were saying something like papa will hv to take care of dadi if no other arrangement for her, but mummy will come (coz he was expecting both of u) ALSO HE TOLD ME TO TELL IT TO YOU that if u hv not already bought things for him yet, then if possible dont buy expensive things.. gen simple things r given in such times. but if alredy bought, its ok.

talk talk talk :)Friday, November 26, 2010 9:06 AM From: "Ishita.Mishra@roads.vic.gov.au" <Ishita.Mishra@roads.vic.gov.au>View contact details To: niraj_mish@yahoo.com since 28 october 2010, i have talked to you total of 20 hours. its in my record in that site where i put money for calling card. What you have called ones in a while is separate. i.e its not even a month complete since then and 20 hrs of talking Earlier I used to talk on maximum 7 hours per month (may be), which is like 2 chat times max 3 hrs each.. am i right?? Now it is about 3 times more talking than that! What does this show??? How so much I talk, you will always say the same thing without any recognition that "Ishita tum se tumhari maa baat karna chahe, to kya kar he nahi saktii?" Thank God this time I have all the records on this site!!! :D if you dont believe me, i will send u all the date/time and durations respectively!! and i am not talking any of ankit stuff anymore, mera sir dard karta hai vo sab bolke everytime i end up in same -ve tone.. why??? why?? i am happy and i am not talking abt it i want to stay happy like this :) i am happy all 7 days even in adversities, so dont talk abt them and make my mind confuse because while mentioning adversities my mind is conditioned in a way that it believes that when there are so many adversities, i need to do something, revolt, react, get angry, upset, etc, etc. then i hv to remind it all over again how happiness is not related to adversities in life. then i hv to do all that work again to pacify it. i dont want to talk abt adversities any more pls pls pls. hope u will understand soon (asap). coz everytime after talking like this, i get a headache or atleast i feel upset and react in someway which is not appropriate.

but i liked the other half of talking when there are all other topics than problems in my life. so i enjoyed that bit. we will talk only that. and what u keep saying that "shaadi ke pehle saal to log hawa mei udtae hai, i had imagined that kind of happiness for u, which u never got" i had always told u (even before marriage) that never to expect that. that wud never happen to me who ever i get married to coz i like to enjoy while staying grounded on this very earth ;) dont like to fly up in the air ever ;) i dont even like or appreciate that kind of happiness which u urself know is temporary "ek saal" (as u say). i am not much fascinated by any sort of temporary happiness and neither do i aspire to get something like that. so dont fret, thats not what i want anyway. so i got what i wanted. i hv alredy got what u pray for - "may ishita be happy in any circumstances". so why ask abt circumstances i am learning to have what u pray for!!! :)

Ishita Mishra Information Consultant Information Systems Support