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Chris howard Utilisation of decision making strategy -how did you decide to buy the product (VADK strategy

/framework-feed communication wityh in this) -can you remember a specific time when you felt deeply loved? Step back into that time…What was the first thing that let you know you were deeply loved? Parts integration=for integrating a conflict --useful for integrating conflict in outr life -ie, “opart of me want to make change, part of me doesn’t” -when ever we have conflict, we a prevented from taking forward congruent motion in our life (prevents success) -helps people align themselves to prevent outstanding results 1. Id the conflict/issue in the parts involved a. A problem well stated is a problem half solved b. “How is this a problem for you???” i. Get the problem well stated (ie, destroying my life) 2. Have the part that that has the unwanted behaviour or state to come first a. (that is the problem) b. Call out the part of them that is the problem to stand one hand c. Create VAK (visual audio kinisthetic) i. personify the part/problem=more profound integration ii. “does it look like someone you know?” iii. If that part could say something, what would it say to you? iv. Does that part have a certain weight or feeling, warmth there in your hand? d. Illicit the flip side to come out (part usually is “you can do it”) i. “I’d like the opposite number, the flip side, the one most in conflict to come out ii. Have a VAK image of that side as well 1. “does it look like someone you know?” 2. If that part could say something, what would it say to you? 3. Does that part have a certain weight or feeling, warmth as it sits there in your hand? (persona cant be resting elbow on knees, arms out, with palms facing up at chest height) 3. Separate intention from behaviour a. Reframe each part so that they realise they have same intention i. Interrogate the bad part 1. Part A, wondering if that part could consider it highest intention (highest “positive” intention) a. If it had a positive intention, what would it be? 2. “For what purpose?” (interrogate it highly until boundary conditions of the problem) a. They may tend to loop (good as it shows they are at the boundary conditions of their thinking) i. Usually goes to happiness (A PRETTY HIGH LEVEL OF INTERROGATION) ii. Usually want to interrgogae 1 or 2 more levels above their breakthrough iii. “FOR WHAT PURPOSE?” (ACHIEVEMENT/SATISFACTION)

pull shoulders in. once integrated. propels them ina diff direction) Master oif destiny  What do you want out of this situation(what is your outcome in this situation) o What is the outcome for the chat/relationship  Then you are empowered to do it o Otherwise you get what you get  Take action  Sensory awareness o Are you being effective and producing results through these action?  Behavioural flexibility o Be able to change  Operate from a psychology of excellence o Ie. Notice the resources and attributes each side has that the other part would like to have and point out 4. eyes up (and try to be depressed)…you cant do it. frown. Notice what you say in your own mind whaen you think of the power you have in direction in your own life” -now come all the way back to now. o We have a physiology that link to emotional state in our body o If you want to produce the most results you need to be in a state to allow that (be in a physiology that empowers that) Emotional State vs outcome . eyes down (and try to be happy) o Sit right up. EXISTENCE-depends on the individual) 7. Notice things that have changed that you never expected as a result of you making that change so long ago. and at same time have the internal images merge 8. “What purpose” a. interrogate up further on the intentions of each part (ie. “yes you cant remmebr” 11. Interrogate the part that is most in conflict 1.tyak the integrated part inside and have it merge into the wholeness of inside 9. notice snow ball. smil. future pace -“imagine you are in the future (3 weeks). slump your shoulders. -Step out 1yr. if hand do not come together automatically. (Interrogate until reach the same word as before) *hand may seem to come together already. what is going on in your life?” -creating new neurological pathways and connections that previously didn’t exist -“now step out 3 months.ii. notice the snowball effect that this change has had on you. Notice how good it feel inside. test the intervention -ask: “what was the problem?” (they usually blank out) -people’s thinking will shift so much that they wont think they had the problem n the first place -usually cant remember. have the parts realise that they were once both part of a greater whole 5. do a break state (ie. Notice how good that feels. “what is the other part’s highest intention” 2. breath from top of lungs. notice how sure you are inside with self confidence and notice how that has affected other parts of you life. PEACE. do you smell pop corn) 10. notice how things have changed. (that is a future case. ask for any other parts that were oart of the greater whole to come out and join in the integration? 6.bring hands together (most people do that theselves).

Did they exist before. but…. need to make them see that they had control  Everything is your responsibility. you can instantaneously change your world Ie. -how to process emotions quicker to be more effective -developing my EQ so I don’t overreact to things In life.  “Act as if” until it happens  Ie. just know what to lo0ok for now -it’s the same with wealth (13 million dollars circulating everyday) In your life are you the cause of the things that happen to you OR are you at the effect of the things that happen to you. didn’t see them before bought it.)]  Your job. move them to control side of the equiation (away from the effect side)  Even the most terrible things. cuts off certain actions (changes your life/world based on belief)  Doesn’t matter whether adopting an empowering belief if true. so have respect for other peopl’s model if the world o enter in the m odel of their world to help them change (you can make communication more compelling) . we get what we look for (it’s like a search engine) -everyone lives in their own world (stockbroker. Now see them everywhgere. all that matters is the results it [produces in your life Effect side-people have reasons instead of results  I would have had success. o Therefore any plan to feel that emotion in the future is just delaying it cause you can feel it now My outcome: -how to coach others. then you have results Role of Coaches:  People usually come in at the effect side (I have no control etc. you can feel right now. We see things how we are -perception is projection -peop.? Sure did.e in poverty is a reflection of what is happening inside of them -people in good relationships. that is a reflection of things happening inside of them Assumptions  respect other persons perception/view of the world (everyone is living in their own world) o our thoughts can never be reality. being shy/other beliefs. body builder. Cars. musician) -by changing your focus.Outcome-steps required to create it State-you feel it in the now  You cant set goals to feel a certain way (emotional state)  State is something you can feel now o Think of a sad moment (can you feel that sadness) o Think of a happy time/event (can you feel that happiness) o Any emotional state you want to feel. nothing is your fault  THAT IS THE BELIEF (I AM AT CAUSE FOR ALL THE EFFECT OF MY LIFE-BEST WAY TO START) We don’t see things how they are.(they point outside themselves) Take out reasons.

child with tantrum has the control. the more your will be able to produce results you want by calibrating and watching them All procedures are designed to increase choice o Always provide more choices for behaviourable flexibility in the future. o Always think for making win-win situations (what is the other person’s highest purpose-needed for long term relationships) o People are nopt their behaviours (so accept the person and change their behaviours) Everybody is doing the best they can witht eh resources available at the time Calibrate on behaviour (the most important thing about people is their behaviour) o Conflicts with before? o Actions speak louder than words o Closet thing to watch is their behaviour o It’s the most important thing are the behaviours communicated. child wouldn’t be doing that o Also means that the more flexibility in communication. they are jjust a representation o Ie.            behaviour and change are evaluated based on context o context  negative behaviour in one context can be positive in another o ecology  study of consequences  what are the consequences of the change you are helping them to make resistence in interpersonal communication is a sign of lack of rapport o stop and backtrack to establish more rapport. menu in a restaurant is not the meal. Sensory acuity . give you 100% responsibility and empowerment for getting response you want o So change your communication until you get the response you want o Be behaviourally flexible Law of requisite variety o The person in the system witht eh most behavioural flexibility will control the system o Ie. only feedback o Either right or learning o Only failure is to stop trying o Adjust your behaviour continually based on feedback o Feedback is the breakfast of champions The meaning of the communication is the response you get o So if judging your communication based on the response. cause if parents had more flexibility. rather than words o Take actions to be the msg The map is not the territory o Internal representations about reality are not reality and could never be reality. menu is simply a representation o Thoughts ar not reality People are in charge of their minds & therefore results o Who is driving the bus Assume people have all the resources that they need to succeed o But they aren’t always in touch witht those resources All procedure should increase wholeness o Integrate the parts to promote congruency No failure.

Your world = internal communication + external communication Sensory acuity  Your ability to notice subtle physiological shifts in an individual and gauge their response to your communication in a situation  Noticing responses to your communication  Masters communicators have this  Allows you to know where to go next  Allows for max rapport  Want to read the person infront of you  Gauge the prospect at any given situation (has your msg gotten through) Changes people make (top 5)  Skin colour o Changes for moment to moment (lighter to clushing)  Easiest way: imageing they are black and white  Looking for lighter to darker/red/blushing  Don’t want to associate meaning to sensory based data c(ie.ore shine  Loose =less shine o Breathing  Rate  Fast or slow? Stomach moving in and out  Location of breathing  High in chest or low? o Lower lip size  Fatter or thinner  Sign: Are there lines or no lines?  No lines = thinner  Lines=fatter o Eyes  Focussed or unfocused  Dilated or undilated Hypnotic Rapport (so they think they already know you) . lighter to darker means nervous…DON’T ASSOCIATE MEANING) o Skin tone (tone of the muscels)  Is it ticht or loose  Tight or not shiny  Tight=m.

How to know you have rapport  fammiliaity in your body  shifting g in colour (lighter to darker/flushing) o =going into stat of relaxation (darker/blushing./redness)  They will say something that indicates/denotes familiarity  Leading . Listen only to voice. “u rock”  Common experiences  Content chunks Matching vs mirroring -matching=-same -mirror see in the mirror =switch to matching before closing the sale -otherwise people may be so subconscioyus that they don’t remember signing. not msg  State of trust and responsiveness  Therefore can be gained and lost at any point in time How to riveting to others  38% of meaning of communication is from tone 7% words they use 55% physiology Instaneous connection/comfort =>ie. become like them  Match and mirror them o Physiology (way that they are holding their body)  Posture  Upright  Learning  Headtilt  Gesture that they use  Hands  Facial expressions  Smile  Blink rate  Breathing rate  High or low on the stomach o Tonality(LOOK AT THE LAST 3-4 WORDS THEY SAID)  IS IT HIGH OR LOW?  But don’t make fun  Not mimicking  Match the tempo of their speech  Meet them where they’re at  Quality of the voice  Raspy like sean connery or clear  Volume of the voice  Quite or loud o Same words  Same predicates  Key words  Ie.

but match the tone -breaking rapport is about changing your physiology -rapport should only be used for synergistic relationships. but can be over used! (then reputation will always be well polished) Personality profiling -tailoring communication inside different personality styles 4 types of people/senses (the way they represent info to themselves is in this system:)  visual  Kinaesthetic/ into feelings  Auditory  auditory digital (self talk) Matching a mirroring these preferences/processing styles  Visual People o Body is erect o Eyes are up o Breathe from top of lungs o Sitting straight forward sometimes o Learn best by seeing pictures (pics say a thousand words and speak according to that) o Want to see how a program ‘looks’ o Appearances of things are very important o Rate of processing is quick (speak quickly) o USES visual language (uses predicates)  Appears that  Could you Show me  I see  That looks good to me  Clear. we could discuss how to move forward o How about I lay this out for you…. would you want to see this.  auditory o might talk like a radio announcer (well modulated voice) o are aware of what things sound like o might talk to themselves o may move their eyes from side to side o easily distracted by noise . crystal clear. get the picture o Speak quickly with little detail o Global with thinking o Phrases  Beyond a shadow of doubt  Need to catch a glimpse  Inlight of these new circumstance  (a lot of imagery) o Closing: if I could show you a way. Rapport=trust -do it so they don’t notice -out of conscience awareness Matching tonality (especially important on the phone) -if they are angry. foggy. don’t go to state of agitation.o When they follow your movements subconsciously mirroring you o Meet them where they are at and then take them where you want to go.

How does that feel to you. we could discuss how to move forward Kinaesthetic/ into feelings/touch o Usually breathing from bottom of lungs (stomach going in and out) o Talking slowly o Respond to touching and physical rewards o Have to do smth to memorize o Interesting to them if it feels right o Predicates:  Feel  Grasp  Get a handle on  Feeling solid  Just come to grips  Get a handle  Get in touch with what is happening  Slipped my mind  Closing: If we can get a hold/handle on a concrete way for you to produce results and you go t a feeling of it. would you want to hear this.  respond to tonality interested in what you say Predicate phrases:  hear  listen  harmonise  tune in  resonates well  that rings a bell  voice my opinion  loud and clear  inquire into  Closing: if I could tell you a way.  Use feeling words  Want to get in touch a get a feeling about how you are going Auditory digital o Talks to themselves o Could be a Computer technician o Can exhibit many of the signs of other personalities o Logical o Makes sense o Memorise by steps o Predicates  Sense  Experience  Think  Learn process  Consider  Know  Let me consider to make sense  Let me see if have an understanding o Long complicated sentences o o o . that’s something we could move with.

 o Is an investor/speculator Dispute resolution o Translating between personality profiles (ie. kinaesthetic to visual etc) Eye patterns  .

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