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Kim Kardashian files for divorce less than three months after marrying Kris Hump hries.

The divorce proceedings will be aired on HLN and the Entertainment News networks live as soon as Dr. Murray is convicted of manslaughter and provided th at no other world despots have been brought to justice prior to the anticipated ai ring of Kims Kut and Kash. In a statement issued by Cindy Guagenti, Ms. Kardashi ans publicist, she indicated that Ms. Kardashian no longer felt that Mr. Humphrie s was required for the part that he successfully had auditioned for and would no t be immediately replaced. Mr. Humphries could not be reached for a statement, however David Stern offered, He aint gonna make no money with lay-ups this year ei ther, as he continues to threaten the complete cancellation of the NBA season, in coordination with Ms. Kardashians request. Last year Bristol Palin received death threats before the Dancing with the Stars finale, so stated the headline in the New York Daily News. I wonder if that ha d anything to do with her performance on the show or were Americans finally fedup with the name Palin or more likely the state of entertainment spoon fed throu gh our televisions on a daily basis. I remind you that this is a TV show where washed up celebrities, retired athletes, hefty and lumbering news commentators, a nd the daughters of aspiring annoying politicos are dancing with partners in ord er to be declared the overall winner and champion for the season. What is more unbelievable is that we as a nation are fixated on this type of entertainment or that some of us take it seriously enough to formulate a death threat. As a nation we have allowed ourselves to be bombarded with insanity, drivel, ted ium, crassness, over-indulgence, unacceptable behavior, and impure standards not worthy of World leaders. No I am not talking about our politicians but the peo ple who shape our thoughts and ideals, producers of reality and reality competit ionTV shows. If you are thinking that this will be a typical rant vilifying the entertainment industry and a diatribe about the dumbing down of America as a whole, you are dea rly mistaken. This is an opportunity for me to list shows I really want to see. Humpin with Hos In this seasons HOTTEST new primetime participation show, contestants compete aga inst each other for the highest available points from the panel of judges and th e at-home viewing audience. These arent ordinary contestants however have been s elected for their previous experience with the Worlds Oldest Trade. Each contestan t will be paired with a common streetwalker and will perform predetermined moves , maneuvers, and positions while maintaining composure and all important camera presence. In the seasons premier Elliott Spitzer will attempt to dazzle the audi ence with his wit, perseverance, and agility reminiscent of his days as New Yorks Attorney General and Governor. The first season will include other well known c elebrities with past pay-as-you-go experience such as; Hugh Grant, Mel Gibson, A rnold Schwarzenegger, and Ben Affleck. The panel of judges will be led by Heidi Fleiss and will also include Charlie Sheen who has indicated he will lend his e xpertise to both the contestant and their weekly co-pairs. Each week the viewer s will be surprised by new twists and turns. Airing Wednesday nights on ABC Family TV.

Punkd For Real The show takes the MTVs original show Punkd to the next level. The joke is no lon ger practical, the results, although amusing to the audience, are very real. Ear ly in the season we see David Spade enticed to a romantic evening with a very at tractive and fairly aggressive Hollywood type starlet. We are led to believe, a s is David that the starlets real interest is in advancing her career via the aty pical Hollywood couch. Unfortunately for David he wakes the following morning,

in a bath of ice filled water, connected by intravenous hook up and a sloppily s titched gash where his kidney used to be. At this point the shows host, Bernie M adoff, jumps out from behind a palm tree and yells, You just got punkd.for real. Airing Monday nights on CNBC

Revenge of the Apprentice Disgruntled former Apprentice contestants are brought back on this show to reven ge their firing by Donald Trump. During the show the contestants vie to revenge their wrongful firing, live together in a trailer parked illegally behind the N ew York studio of the Apprentice and work together to build relationships and fo ster ideas on how to best harm The Donald. Elimination proceeds in two stages. In the first stage contestants are weeded out by other team members for not spe wing enough hatred towards Mr. Trump. The second stage places contestants in a board room with Ivana the former Mrs. Trump, and there they declare their master plans of revenge. Ivana then chooses which contestant she believes has the hea rt and soul required of revenge. The show ends with the winning contestant towe ring above the Golden Haired one on a rain soaked embankment of the New Jersey T urnpike with a tire iron in his or her hand yelling, Fire this Mother-Fucker. The opening theme music used on the show is You Oughta Know by Alanis Mo risette. Whose Boobs are Real? Celebrity panelists are tasked with determining whether or not the contestants bo obs are real or surgically enhanced. The show will feature a panel of four cele brities who, question, examine and require the contestant to perform tasks in or der to determine if her mammary glands are natures creation or have been bolted an d welded on by an expert. In the first round the contestant will be subjected to a series of questions which can only be answered by either a yes or a no. A typica l question could be Are your size 44 Double D wall-bangers real, and why are they cross eyed? In the second round the contestant will be required to perform vari ous tasks including the pencil test, the shake and shimmy test, etc Finally the p anelists will be blindfolded and the contestant will test the panels knowledge an d sensory perception by placing one of her breasts in the panelists hand and an un-ripenned grapefruit in the other. ost. The show is currently in negotiations with Pamela Anderson to serve as h

The Anna Nicole Show The shows original producers have decided that it really doesnt matter that Anna i s no longer with us. Anna was so incoherent and so incredibly stupid and uninter esting in life that we felt we could carry-on as well without her for the new sp ring TV season, said executive producer Mordecai Mankowitz. The supporting cast has been reassembled to include Howard K. Stern, Annas lawyer and chief enabler, Bobby Trendy her interior decorator, and Kim Walther her toothless redneck cousi n with whom Anna had a love-hate-get-me-a-sandwich relationship with. In the ne w episodes the show goes on and everyone pretends that Anna is in a drug induced coma and that she will eventually pull it together. There are flashbacks that show Anna demanding an order of cheese fries as she shouts into her hair dryer a nd Annas passion for fashion is exhibited by her Liberace style, size triple XXX underwear which is strewn upon every possible piece of furniture in her house. T he show may not be one of the seasons biggest hits but should not exceed the prod uction budget, claims Mankowitz. Has not yet been picked up for broadcast.

Survivor In-Laws Contestants are placed in their In-Laws homes for the holidays, without having a ccess to their cell phones, computers, or other means of communication with the outside world. Their spouse may be with them but in no way present in any form. Each contestant will have to rely solely on their inherent survivor skills to pr otect themselves and progress towards the ultimate goal, the car ride home. Eac h week a new challenge will be presented to the contestants in an effort to weed out the weak. In one episode a man is challenged to watch television with his father-in-law while having absolutely no control of the remote. The television is muted and his father-in-law does not know how to un-mute. In another episode a woman is asked to help her mother-in-law make dinner. The woman is flustered because she is not accustomed to using crock pots while wearing an apron with d oves on it. Each week a contestant will be exiled to the former spouses childhoo d bedroom. The two main disadvantages of being exiled are the lack of stimulatio n and fresh air, which can weaken a contestant and make them less effective in c hallenges. Finally the contestant that is able to withstand the same old story ab out the true love, of his or her spouse, that got away, without lashing out verb ally and physically towards the in-laws will be voted the winner. Death This is a revolutionary and novel approach to the issue of Death. This docudram a will take place in different nursing homes and assisted living facilities ever y week. The premise of the show will be to surgically implant a tiny camera int o the forehead of a person who appears reasonably close to cashing it in. The vie wers will witness the last moments on this earth from a very personal perspectiv e. The viewers will be treated to such personal moments as last admissions of t ruths to shocked loved ones, declarations of falsehoods kept secret for decades, and the sacrament of administering the last rites by religious figures. In add ition we will be treated to some unexpected moments inclusive of the night atten dant rifling through the soon to be departeds dresser, the one-for-you-one-for-me attitude of the nursing staff pill provider and the facilities business managers wonderfully creative accounting skills. In episode five a woman suffering from dementia undresses in the dining room and accuses the staff of participating in the Spanish Armada. Its shenanigans and hi-jinks each and every week. Airing on Oxygen. Airing on Sunday evening right after re-runs of Agatha Christie.

Are You Smarter Than a Politician? This revolutionary show is hosted by Dan Quayle and is played by two contestants each week. Each week a member of the studio audience will play against a forme r politician to determine which one is actually smarter and capable of represent ing a constituency. In the shows premier episode former Washington D.C. Mayor, Marion Barry competes against a twenty eight year old beautician from Enid, Okla homa. Each contestant picks questions from pre-determined categories; How to go vern a city; Where to buy crack; How to recognize a sting operation; What not to yell when being arrested. The show will also feature a segment entitled It wasnt my fault and will include cameo appearances by H.R. Haldeman, Bert Lance, Oliver North, Clarence Thomas, Ted Stevens, Charles Rangel, Lewis Libby, and Jim McGre evey. In the final episode of the season contestants will be asked to pronounce the word nuclear and clearly state the name of at least ten Asian countries. The show is still attempting to have at least one former President provi de an endorsement.

Transcending Gender The new reality show that pits twelve contestants vying for the opportunity to a lter their sexual orientation through modern science and technology. Watch as t he gender confused participants compete against each other every week. The comp etition is fierce as the candidates attempt to out-fox each other by performing such stunts as; penile inversion techniques, scrotal graft diversion, colon vagi noplasty alteration and at home labia construction. Im used to getting what I wan t, and if I dont, I just cry until I get what I want, says Max Chomsky, in an earl y episode. Mr. Chomsky, an out of work welder, later confessed that TG was his last chance to become the person he never was. Unfortunately Mr. Chomsky was di smissed after the third episode and continues to look for work near his home in Toledo, OH. The show is to be hosted by the entire Jonas Brothers Band.