A Hand book for Holistic Harmony Life Coaches

Part 1

Robert Elias Najemy

Life Coach Handbook



A Hand book for Holistic Harmony Life Coaches

Robert Najemy

Dedication I dedicate this book to all of you who have taught me by sharing with me your inner world. Thank you for your teaching.

Copyright: Robert Najemy Griva 23 Halandri 15233 Athens, Greece E-mail - ren@holisticharmony.com

© Copyright – Robert Elias Najemy – http://www.HolisticHarmony.com

Life Coach Handbook




The rest of the chapters will be found in parts 2, 3 & 4 of this handbook


Life Coach Handbook



By figures we mean, diagrams, questionnaire and lists of various types. Number 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. Name Chapter 3 4 5 5 6 6 6 6 6 7 7 7 9 9 9 9 10 10 11 12 12 12 12 13 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 14 15 16 16

Concept of Evolution and Self Actualization Levels of the Mind Mechanisms of Beliefs Questionnaire for Analyzing Emotions Steps of Active Listening How We Create Our Reality - A How We Create Our Reality - B How We Create Our Reality - C Basic Outline for Active Listening Resistance to Development Why it may not pay to get Well Discovering our Resistance to change List of Situation List of attachments Preparation for Positive Projection Guidelines for Positive Thought Projection Written Affirmations - Acceptance Written Affirmations - Security The Mind Field Sorting Feelings Telling the Truth About Feelings Analyzing the Shadow and the Mask Releasing Emotions Coping with Emotions in the Present Obstacles to Loving Ourselves Analysis & Active Listening Concerning Our Obstacles towards Loving Self Analysis & Active Listening Concerning Situations of Conflict with Conscience When I do not Feel Worthy When I feel Guilt, Shame or Self Rejection How We measure Our Self Worth Declaring Our Freedom from False Thoughtforms Reasons why I love and Accept Myself Truths which will Free us from Self Rejection Levels of Transformation Preparation for Transformation of Past Daily Communication with Inner Child

60. 40.com 37.. 66. 46. 65. 69. 59.. 74. 75. 56. 68. 41. 54. 79. 70. 26 Questions for Connecting with my Inner Voice 27 Obstacles towards the fulfillment of the purpose of life 27 The Flow of Transformation 29 Relationship with God 29 . 38. 62. 76. 39. 49. List of Childhood Experiences 16 A Questionnaire on Our Beliefs 16 Analysis of Unpleasant Childhood Experiences 16 Questions which Aid in Expression 16 Outline for Releasing Childhood Regression 16 Beliefs which were created by Childhood Experiences 16 Outline for transformation of Childhood Regressions 16 List of Possible Messages for Inner Child 16 Discovering and Uncovering Fear 18 Methods for Overcoming Fear 18 Letter to fear 18 General Approach for all Emotions 18 What Steps I can take? 19 Mechanisms of Emotional Survival` 20 List of Main Personas 20 Analyzing Our Conflicting Personas 20 Beliefs which cause Codependency 21 Looking at our Keys 21 Communicating Concerning Returning Keys 21 Communicating Concerning Talking Keys Back 21 The Psychodrama of the Keys 21 Outline of Regression to Previous Life 22 Basic Beliefs of the Philosophy of the Lesson of Life 24 Questionnaire for Discovering Our lessons in what bothers us in other’s Behavior24 Questionnaire for Discovering lessons mirrored in our bodies. 50. 72. 58. 52.. 53. 44. 48. 77. 24 Mirroring Possibilities in Situation X 24 Positive Affirmations 24 List of Needs 25 Improving Our Relationships 25 Improving Our close relationships 25 Conclusions and Transformation 25 Questionnaire for Analyzing emotions created in relationship situations 25 Active Listening towards a Person with whom we have Difficulty Communicating 25 Questionnaire for Couples from the Love Game 25 Levels of Love 26 Obstacles to Loving others 26 Analysis and Active Listening Concerning our Obstacles to Loving Others 26 The Love Focus 26 List of reasons why I Love and Accept . 67. 64. 71. 73.. 45.Life Coach Handbook 5 www. 78.HolisticHarmony. 42. 51. 47. 63. 61. 55. 43. 57.

creative arts as therapy. interested in helping others can read each section a master the art of supporting others in this same process. before we begin to try to help Also. A few of the psychological systems which have influenced me more than others are the teachings of Abraham Maslow. The Importance of Employing these on Yourself First As all of those listed in the first two categories are individuals still in the process of self-knowledge and selfThese techniques need to be practiced many times on improvement. I have grouped them all under the heading " The philosophy and psychology of some of these facilitator. philosophy. Carl Rogers. health professionals in general. Other life coaches. because I have three reading publics in mind as I was writing. TAT and TFT. there are also many other possible orders. I would suggest that the trainee first read each section as if he were the subject of analysis. For this which to present these techniques. I have also had the experience of training others to use these same techniques on themselves and for helping About half of what will be presented in this book. sociologists. The first is to aid the reader on his path to self knowledge and self actualization. in your effort to support others in this process. however." which could mean a life coach. meditation. Writing this has not been easy. two in some way facilitate understanding. was discovered and created while I was working with individuals and groups. I will be grateful if you would bring them to my attention so that I can correct them. doctors.com PROLOGUE May this find you all well and happy. to them in one possible order in which they might be used. Any persons who are interested in freeing themselves from their mental mechanisms. a variety of spiritual teachings and now . body centered I wish all of you success in your inner search and also psychology. humanistic psychology. I have chosen to give time to other more pending matters rather than to perfecting the text itself. Roger Callahan and various forms of Energy Psychology. doctor. meditation. psychologist. There may be mistakes which I believe will not in any way diminish from the clarity and effectiveness of the text. The life coaches I am presently training. My search has brought me into contact with a wide My Wishes variety of sources including child psychology. and any one conducting seminars or working with people on a psychological or spiritual level. I have presented reason the pronouns. ourselves and then on persons without serious problems (such as other trainees). or health for others. move from "you". Rollo May.Life Coach Handbook 6 www. to "he/ she". The three reading publics are: 1. techniques have been explained in other books by the sociologist. understanding by reading them. During these years I have had the opportunity to employ the techniques described in his course on myself and others. Yoga psychology and now to a great degree the discoveries of Dr. now as the facilitator of that same analysis or technique for others. They are natural These course materials are inspirations which came in response to the need to help written for two purposes. even priests. Ken Keyes. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. and my mind It has also been very difficult to decide on the order in occasionally focused on the one or the other. And then those The second is to help those readers who are interested. psychotherapist or psychiatrist. However. yoga. 3. various forms of energy psychology such as EFT. they to also belong to the third category. because all of those mentioned in groups one and those with intensively negative thought patterns. the teachings of Seth through Jane Roberts. others in groups and in individual sessions. I am not a trained psychologist. psychologists and psychotherapists. All books mentioned in the texts are by the same author unless indicated Methods and Sources otherwise. myself and others move out of negative thought patterns and realize our innate spiritual self. priest or anyone supporting others on same author and you are encouraged to supplement your a personal or group basis. I am a chemical engineer who has intensely studied the mechanisms of the human mind in individual and group settings for the last thirty five years. second time. "we" frequently. 2. Mistakes and Corrections As these writings have been created for a small audience of souls dedicated to self-improvement and helping others. the Course in Miracles. If there are in fact mistakes which cause confusion or are annoying.HolisticHarmony.

EMDR. 6. A child is born. Beliefs create our present experiences. but respond to his subconscious messages to reject him. By developing a new belief system. This leads to attachment and aversion which then lead to greater fear.Life Coach Handbook 7 www. thoughtforms. he receives various messages from his environment through words. As time passes. Thus. while living in the same environment. 1. For example. even for those who do not believe them. or who at least have both possibilities in them.com CHAPTER 1 CORE PHILOSOPHY We will begin with a very brief explanation of the core philosophy behind this system of psychological work. Understanding these concepts will help one understand the reasoning behind each exercise. By sharing with others how we feel and what we believe. 3. This belief system also subconsciously communicates with others and life in general attracting to him the 2. events which he expects. It is as if he is wearing colored glasses and everything is colored by his original beliefs (childhood conclusions). He is then caught up in a vicious circle of beliefs . one who has experienced rejection. Even in the case of identical twins. with only about one eighth “showing” or conscious. Previous experiences create beliefs 2. as these evolve. disillusionment. He interprets these events and messages and creates a “conscious and subconscious belief system”. we can see different reactions to the same stimuli. to accept and reject. More information can be found the books The Psychology of Happiness and The 1. and professional or social status. guilt and in general all negative emotions. Personal reality is created by one’s beliefs. By remembering the childhood experiences which have caused the beliefs and transform them. 7. abandonment or lack of love as a child. emotions. Energy Psychology etc. One does not have to accept all these concepts in order to use the following techniques. hurt. however. We will not discuss here the origin of this character at birth. competition. EMOTIONAL REALITY IS CREATED Our work is to break into this vicious circle in which we It will be useful to very briefly explain the psychology are trapped in various ways: beyond this approach. changing our belief system. They are effective. and will expect this for the rest of his life (unless he works on freeing himself from these beliefs). he will. fears and expectations. Catharsis. Beliefs create our interpretation of what is happening. 4. attract rejection from people who have no desire to reject him.expectations . We can free our selves from this entrapment by and thus create our emotions. 5. behavior towards himself. Body centered Psychology. This belief system is like an iceberg. He then interprets these and other actions (which may not contain rejection) as rejection. and creates his own subjective reality which confirms his original assumptions and expectations. This then causes his reactions towards life which simply bring again in return that which he expects. with his attitude and expectations. By discovering the beliefs which are creating our Miracles of Love and Wisdom. Through techniques which bring us into deeper awareness of the peace and harmony which are latent . Thus: 1. problems and change them. By releasing emotions. distrust. Through the general attunement of the body and mind as mentioned below. anger. He brings with him certain characteristics and attitudes which cause him to interpret and react to the various events around him in unique ways. Fear and guilt force the individual to seek means of establishing some type of illusory security or self worth by controlling the external environment trying to “own” or control persons. 4. money. Thus. 8.HolisticHarmony. By coming into contact with the form (in the subconscious) of the resulting emotions and transforming them. one’s (perceived) reality improves. Our reactions return to us intensifying our original OUR CONCEPT OF HOW OUR PERSONAL beliefs. Our emotions create our reactions. behaviors between others as well as personal and social events. This belief system now becomes the looking glass through which he perceives the world. will make the subconscious assumption that this is the way life is. possessions. He then reaffirms his original beliefs as he attracts that which he believes and then interprets whatever happens to affirm what he already believes. 4. 3. which distort events so that they fit what he already believes.events and distorted perceptions. 2. 5. hate. bitterness. jealousy. 3.

Each of us needs to discover the fears and beliefs which 10. beliefs and subconscious ourselves. socially and spiritually. fears. especially fears and guilt complexes. 3. his own needs. Freedom. as a very brief description of the larger plan of techniques humanity. 9.This is an aspect of self therapy which usually requires a psychologist or other experienced professional who can help us discover the contents of the subconscious and free it from unwanted negative assumptions and mechanisms. that his relationship with others will simply mirror his relationship with himself. as he does not understand his own self. but it is important for his inner context in which these techniques are used. BREATHING TECHNIQUES 4. desires.HolisticHarmony. MEANINGFUL ACTIVITY Except for numbers 9 & 10 we will not be discussing 7. Following is balance that he feel some relationship with the whole. emotionally.Everyone has their own relationship with the universe. DAILY PHYSICAL EXERCISE within us. Some believe in God.Life Coach Handbook 8 www. considerable detail in the book Self Healing. An individual’s harmony is deeply affected by his interested will investigate them through other books. Through changing our way of life in various ways so prevent his feeling comfortable with others. Let each discover his own used in this system. DAILY DEEP RELAXATION 5. HOW TO CREATE PHYSICAL. It is not important that a person belong to It will be useful for the reader to understand the larger some particular religion. expectations. 8. and overcome that it is more in tune with our highest goals and what is them. important to us. MENTAL & SPIRITUAL HEALTH & HARMONY Many belong to a religion which has specific concepts of what God is. . Of course. workings. SELF KNOWLEDGE means to understand the These will be briefly listed here as they can be found in various aspects of our being. 2. ENLIGHTENING THE SUBCONSCIOUS . 9. cannot free himself from the negative emotions mechanisms or habits which undermine his health. as well as mentally. the 10. He 1. They will also be discussed in chapter 8. positive beliefs. CREATIVE SELF EXPRESSION 6. Through positive affirmations which create new This is an aspect of our lives which we must address ourselves to when trying to create health and harmony. EMOTIONAL. as nature or as God.com opposite is even more true.No one is by these factors but will take it for granted that those himself. PROPER DIET also cannot create a life which is most suitable to his unique self. which we call the Psychology of connection with the whole. SOCIAL HARMONIZATION . A person who does not in a number of other books on the subject of healing understand his own inner mechanisms. relationships with those around him. physically. SPIRITUAL ORIENTATION .

There can be no evil in God’s creation. including analysis. prayer etc. without projecting your own needs or feelings. 4. 12. Our work is to reconnect him/her with that guidance. Supporting another human being who is in need is not a product to be sold. humble and admit when you do not know the answer. Be open to the unique ways in which each individual grows and heals himself. 8. Keep up your own evolutionary process.Life Coach Handbook 9 www. release.com CHAPTER 2 PREREQUISITES FOR WORKING WITH OTHERS Those of us who are considering using these techniques to help others should have in mind the following prerequisites to such a role. Employ only the techniques which you yourself have experienced a number of times. suggesting that he should get divorced or leave his family or get an abortion. 9. Only then can you really understand this technique and know when to use it and how to handle any crises which may be provoked by it. 5. so that our every move shall be for the other’s benefit and not for our affirmation or security. exercises. Be ready to give time and energy even without payment when necessary. We must see what others call evil as weakness and ignorance rather than as evil. Never interfere in the person’s private life. 14. sociology. honest. 7. Know all the techniques well. Practice what you teach. not make him/her dependent on us. The degree to which the other can open himself is dependent on how accepting he perceives us. We must be able to hear that the other has murdered someone without judging him. we occasionally do so through our behavior or attitudes or by making suggestions or expressing perceptions or life philosophies. either because you do not have enough time to help properly. 2. How many other prerequisites can you think of? . There is only one healer . Keep total secrecy concerning whatever others share with you. relaxations. breathing. philosophy and religion. positive projection. 1. including ourselves and also the subject we are working with. The subject will feel if we really care or not.HolisticHarmony. 6. That we are accepting of whatever we hear and have an open mind. Become very proficient in active listening. Be simple. Refer the subject to others when you cannot help. 13. Do not be so caught up in systems or labels or specific procedures or in what you know. This sensitivity must also be learned in relationship to our own personal process. as this is the backbone of this whole system. 17. That we love the other and sincerely desire to help him. Pray for guidance in every word and action. We ourselves should live these ideals which we are expressing. meditation. or live in his illusory security.God. 16. 3. Although this role does not allow us to teach. 15. 11. The being we are trying to help is an immortal divine creation which has simply temporarily lost contact with his/her inner guidance. or you cannot be objective with this person. or when the problem is beyond your ability to help. We must study and understand the functionings of the mind by observing others and ourselves and by studying what already has been discovered by the sciences of psychology. so that you cannot respond to this unique individual in his/her own specific way. or do not use them. or feel confused or cannot help. and we are his tools. There can be ignorance which then leads to a wide variety of ego-centered and often destructive behaviors. Learn to be sensitive as to when to push the subject towards discovering or breaking through and when to give him space to prepare himself. 10. We need to cultivate trust in the Divine Self which is at the center of our being. 18. Just support him in choosing from his own options.

HolisticHarmony. or to happiness. if possible. It is condemned by its very own programming to lose its peace. . On the one hand. It has been mechanically programmed to react in very specific ways and to perceive a very limited reality which does not allow it to be free to experience peace. through which we believe we are protecting ourselves from the "dangers" around us. Thus. In our attempt to obtain these "sources" of happiness. behaviors or events which it interprets as threatening to the fulfillment of its basic needs. happiness and love when confronted by situations. This creates feelings of alienation which lead us to develop various "defense mechanisms". present or future. often subsequently become the very sources of our insecurity. and then move backwards or forwards in a random way as they respond to their particular needs at each point of their journey. As we are seldom able to perfectly create this ideal world which would supposedly supply us with unlimited happiness. affirmation and unconditional love.Life Coach Handbook 10 www. The methods will be presented in an order starting from the more physically oriented. there are persons who may start at other points along this path. is powerless against the force of these deeply ingrained reflex emotional mechanisms. We seek especially to satisfy those needs which have been left unfulfilled in our past. and further emotional maturity and spiritual evolution. As we have already explained three contemporary psychological models for this process in the book The Psychology of Happiness by the same author. we are seldom satisfied with our lives. systems and disciplines. we must be able to respond simultaneously and freely to the notes which exist around us or in this case in the person with whom we are working. In our search for this happiness we attempt to create the world which we have been programmed to believe as children that we need to have in order to be happy. On the other hand. freedom or enlightenment is also unique. Not being able to flow with the other’s or our own needs would lead to discord. The mind is not free to be happy. There are various ways in which we can perceive this process of letting go of our personal fears and connecting with the divine. illness and disharmony. Working with the human mind is similar to playing music spontaneously. This would be the safest and most steady way to proceed. just as it is obvious that we need to construct a building from the ground up. we often begin to perceive others as competitors who want to take what we need or what belongs to us. often eventually become the very source of our unhappiness. We also seek peace. Each of us develops his own specific life strategies with which he or she hopes to fill his or her emptiness. we must know the notes well and their relationship with each and the laws of harmony. love as well as a wide variety of physical objects and experiences which we hope will make us happy. The very mental mechanisms which once were developed in order to ensure the fulfillment of our basic needs now function as the main obstacles to happiness. we will be susceptible to our inner negativity which will create an unpleasant atmosphere for ourselves and those around us. it is impossible to present here a specific path to follow in helping one’s self or another. Its logic. Thus the same mental mechanisms which were once the hope of our happiness. These very "life strategies" and "defense mechanisms" which at one point in our evolutionary process were essential for our feelings of security. Being attached to certain external conditions for one’s happiness is the surest way to lose that happiness. towards the analytical. THE MIND IS NOT FREE TO BE HAPPY While the mind appears on the surface to be an organ through which we perceive our reality it is also the source through which our reality is created. anxiety. we are simply presenting here a diagram indicating the essence of these three theories here in the chart labeled CONCEPTS OF EVOLUTION AND SELFACTUALIZATION. in the past. As each individual is unique and thus his path to recovery. harmony and health. However. in such moments. In this way we hope to ensure a plentiful. Not knowing all the methods and their power and effects on the mind. happiness or love except in very few situations. All of the techniques and concepts presented have been employed by the author on himself and thousands of others through seminars and personal appointments. an exclusive supply of the energy. would lead to disaster.com CHAPTER 3 THE SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS We all seek happiness. and psychic pain. METHODS In this book we shall address ourselves to methods of freeing the mind from old "thought forms". then on to the subconscious and concluding with the spiritual. We shall present to you a variety of techniques and concepts which have been conceived through diversity of sources. Until we are free from the control of obsolete mental programming and thought forms. Thus a basic prerequisite for using such techniques for helping others is having passed through each of them. attention. happiness. when those factors are threatened in any way. pleasure. and. we need to be open to the individual flow of each human mind. self worth and our emotional balance. including our own. and also from now useless or detrimental mechanisms which obstruct our peace. pleasure. This search for happiness is based on the hope of our finding in our external world stable and preferably unchanging sources of security.

8. Superior perception of reality (less distortion through fears and complexes). 12. Higher frequency of peak experiences». 10. of others and of nature 3. less identification with the personal ego. 6.UNITY WITH ALL WITNESS PLENTY LOVE AFFIRMATION . Increased autonomy and resistance to enculturation.Life Coach Handbook 11 www. Increase in problem-centering (ability to go the the center of a problem). Changed (the clinician would say.POWER PLEASURE SECURITY (Fig. Increased spontaneity. ABRAHAM MASLOW SELF ACTUAL-I ZATION ESTEEM QUALITIES OF SELF ACTUALISED PERSONS 1. Greatly increased creativeness. improved) interpersonal relations. Consequently. ROBERT DEROPP THE MASTER GAME GAME AIM ____________________________ Master Game Awakening Religion Game Salvation Science Game Knowledge Art Game Beauty __________________________________ Householder Game Raise family __________________________________ No Game No aim __________________________________ Hog in Trough Wealth Cock on Dunghill Fame Moloch Game Glory or victory __________________________________ KEN KEYES THE SEVEN CENTERS OF CONSCIOUSNESS BLISS . BELONGING 4. 2. Increased identification with the human species». Increased acceptance of self. 1) .HolisticHarmony.com CONCEPTS OF EVOLUTION AND SELF ACTUALIZATION. SURVIVAL 7. Certain changes in the value system». More democratic character structure. Increased detachment and desire for privacy. 11. 9. 13. Greater freshness of appreciation and richness of emotional creation. SAFETY 5.

morality. then our needs and desires will lead us in their behavior embodies some type of danger for his that direction. He fears losing what he has. To experience unity with all. He fears those who needs. It MANAGING OUR NEEDS naturally matures out of its need for its mother and father to be with it continually. if this transformation the boss. or her mental dilemma. and roles in his attempt to One is learning to diminish the strength of our needs so feel that he has secured his needs. needs will gradually change if we allow them to. which has naturally present and in the future. learn. 4. In the same way. we are happy become bitter and angry towards those who have when we have it. emotions. relationship between our needs and what we have. preferences. thoughts. mind and spirit. which move us others. His relationships with family. He harbors jealousy The second method is to become more adept at fulfilling towards those who have what he needs.HolisticHarmony. help him obtain what he "needs" and negative feelings towards those who obstruct him. What is important is how it works. lost its usefulness in her life purpose. Needs and These attachments become the cause of his conflicts with desires are the natural powers of nature. positions. Human nature is an intricate and complicated 3. This management consists of three basic methods. it would be painful . When we prefer something. situations. He fights to obtain what that they are transformed from attachments to he needs. No real healing can take place. To be respected and admired . If he does not achieve what he believes he needs. A child naturally loses its desire for dolls and toy cars. and we fear losing it if he feels impotent to obtain what he desires. To enjoy the pleasures of the senses. not letting go of that need. friends and in various directions. objects. When are attached to something.to be a part of some group. we will have to take into consideration all factors affecting these varied levels of his 5. spiritual attainment physical harmony depend on how we manage the etc. we want and what we have. The more he feels he needs. As spiritual evolution is the purpose coworkers are strained because he frequently fears that of all creation. and "obstructed" him from or "cheated" him out of what he are not overcome with anxiety with the fear of losing when needs. combination of matter. in different ways. that our protect what he believes he needs. sustain and needs. appearance. Understanding how the mind works is a prerequisite to 8. so that there is not such a great gap between what might take what he needs from him. This causes him to become attached to specific persons. power. To love and be loved. 6. We are describing the same one reality 7. it is only natural These needs are basically: for mother to stop needing to play that role.to be being. He spends much energy trying to protect what he has. energy. How we divide the mind and how we label each division is not important. when her children no longer need a mother. Most of our needs can be listed in one or more of these such as money. and social acceptance. intelligence. does not eventually affect all aspects of our multidimensional self. To create. but can also be happy if we do not. To have power (control) over his environment . It is natural that in a process of evolution. To be accepted by others . To be safe and secure from physical danger in the the role. perhaps becoming depressive unhappy when we cannot have it. we must 2. understand the nature of the being with which we are dealing. Our happiness and our emotional-mentalsexual prowess. we are he feels that he is a failure. and thus seeks affirmation of his self worth through success in various arenas of "combat". Or he may when we have it. of his being. usually that some of his needs will not be fulfilled. To grow. and understand. person. categories. If she continued playing 1. The third method is to attend to the evolution of our the more energy he loses in trying to obtain. Man learned to identify his security with his self worth 9.to be someone special If we want to help a human being free himself from his in that group. He develops positive feelings towards those who we have it. to produce. professional status.com CHAPTER 4 THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE MIND In order to help ourselves or another. mature on all levels being able to free it from its negative programming. if we allow them to evolve naturally.Life Coach Handbook 12 www.

even when it believes it must have in order to feel safe and happy. they might be subconscious beliefs and thought forms which created destructive towards the family or society as a whole. we will present a variety of methods for the develops beliefs and expectations concerning the nature body. Each mind connects with other minds according to its own expectations and previous programmings which have now become the subconscious belief system which creates that mind’s reality. become naturally interested in working on the other aspects of their being. egg and chicken dilemma. they otherwise would tend to ignore. in its attempt to manifest what reality by perceiving what it expects and fears. and thus will naturally tune in to working on levels which interest them at the moment. They will eventually. and the basic conscious and destructive. the past experiences program into the mind a limiting belief system. It is their reality. The mind having been programmed (influenced) by previous experiences. and will become THE VICIOUS CIRCLE even further entrenched in those beliefs. Thus. energy body and of reality. It also bodies such as the physical and energy bodies and then connects with others and with life itself and attracts what move on towards harmonizing the more subtle bodies such it expects to see. abandonment.HolisticHarmony. The mind attracts what it expects and When these three methods cannot be applied. The very concept of growth or its particular past experiences. but only a subjective reality distorted by growing spiritually. which verify those beliefs which originally created the games or roles are limiting towards our soul’s life purpose experiences. now become even more forceful and in such cases that extra help is needed in the form of the compelling and have even greater hold over the mind. That same mind will also perceive danger. If that interest does not arise naturally. These beliefs then distort the nature of spiritual self. evolution means that we have not yet completed our self actualization process and that we will likely have some A mind which has experienced failure or rejection or aspects of our being which need to be enlightened. however. subconscious. while simultaneously distorting resorts to other strategies. . In this book. a mind which has experienced danger. Our goal shall be to enable the mind to free itself from this vicious circle of The problem. will attract these events and behaviors from persons who are capable to responding to them in this way. as the various aspects of the mind. Illness or life crises often create such a need. will not be interested in working on all levels. In some extreme cases. Thus the mind is not free to perceive an applies to all of us non-enlightened persons who are still objective reality. These other strategies are often comprised of behaviors. Some individuals. most likely. etheric body. they may occasionally be forced by unpleasant circumstances or events to work on levels of their being which. becomes more complicated unconscious self-limitation and fear. OTHER STRATEGIES Thus.com for both her and the child. will attract these events.Life Coach Handbook 13 www. methods discussed in this book. It would be best that we start with the grosser perception and the mind sees what it expects to see. they do not objectively exist. which then creates new experiences Of course. allowing it to perceive because of the cyclic nature of the mind. the mind especially what it fears. mind. rejection or abuse in situations where for the objective observer they simply do not exist. These same persons are also capable of responding in other ways and do so in relationships with others who attract other types of behaviors from them. however. "games" or roles which are often limiting to the soul’s life These subjective experiences serve to strengthen these purpose and in some cases self-defeating and self negative or limiting realities. will perceive these events more often than they really exist. the first category in which our behavior. or rejection or abuse. It is similar to the a more objective reality.

OUR EMOTIONS 4. bear in BOX NO. which attempt to identify and evaluate what is happening in terms of our past experiences. fear. anxiety. These emotions are a part of a mental defense strategy developed over millions of years. Our energy level and hormonal balance (or imbalance) simply magnify. We might feel happy. Is this intimidating to my security base? 2. Our emotional mechanisms are based on our conscious and subconscious beliefs. We might feel fear. This energy is not released but remains as a negative force in the subconscious. because someone tells us that he loves and respects us. This serves 1.Life Coach Handbook 14 www. Am I in danger here of not having something I need? 3. energy. Or we might feel self-rejection or anger at ourselves because we notice ourselves fearing. but now stand as the main obstacles to the happiness they once theoretically protected. behaviors or actions by family. OUR REACTIONS 2. hurt or anger If the answer is yes to one or more of these questions.HolisticHarmony. angry or guilty about the past or anxiety about the future. political changes social events etc. Our emotions are a product of our beliefs. bitterness. but bypass them driven by ingrained emotional mechanisms. "assuring or threatening". Am I losing something here which is important to me? 6. emotional mechanisms. fires. Some of our emotions have no external stimuli in the present. 3) will help understand how emotions are created. meant as force to combat this possibly endangering event. has happened STIMULUS or might happen is "good or bad". Are my basic values being compromised here? Figure 3 BOX NO. We might worry about our children’s success or failure. The most frequent stimuli have to do with events which take place in our immediate surroundings. "positive or negative". As we examine this process. Is this lessening my self worth? 3. floods. and the beliefs which have been created from them. OUR PROGRAMMING 1. and hormonal balance. In some cases. We also react emotionally to larger events such as earthquakes. we may also be affected by emotions which arise because we observe ourselves having specific other emotions or thoughts. 2 OUR BELIEFS & PROGRAMMINGS mind that all we are describing happens mostly at the subconscious level and in many cases. Although the mechanism’s ancient purpose is "fight or flight". For example we may feel guilt because we notice ourselves feeling jealousy. 4. but are caused by our thoughts about the past or the future. 1 THE STIMULI Our emotions are usually triggered by some stimulus. The basic questions which our belief systems ask are: 4. elated or secure. Our beliefs. however. or admires our talents or abilities. friends or coworkers. injustice. this seldom happens. Is my freedom in danger of being limited here? 5. energy level. because someone criticizes us or speaks about us negatively. diminish or alter our emotional reactions to some extent. etheric. hurt.com CHAPTER 5 OUR EMOTIONAL MECHANISMS One very basic step towards getting free is understanding the nature of our emotional mechanisms and being able to introduce reasoning and truth where until now there are only illogical reflex reactions. The following chart (fig. Or we might feel fear. such as comments. We may feel bitter. 1. These mechanisms were once necessary for our emotional and even physical survival. anger etc. and physical bodies. 2. THE to determine whether what is happening. leading eventually to physical and mental disturbances . then the belief system creates negative feelings such as fear. 3. anger or even panic or hysteria or violence towards self or others. Reflex reactions are automatic responses which do not pass through one’s conscious belief system and set of values. in a fraction of a These various stimuli pass through our belief system or second. and strategies of reaction learned in our childhood years. programmings. are the basic cause of our emotions. hate or anger.

If that the goal of self-betterment. How life reflects our inner world is a matter of extreme In our analysis. or avoid happiness when they are able to find the perfect communicating at all. rejection. become aggressive. The average person has been programmed to seek happiness by attempting to control the persons. the more susceptible we are to fear. we need to be able. he hopes to create a perfect environment in which everyone behaves We react to situations and events in various external and the way he wants. Our perception and subsequently our emotions are totally subjective and dependent on our beliefs. we more apparent when one begins to observe himself with believe that we deserve some type of punishment. or we might simply what they have at various stages of their life process. Our reactions are limited to the ways we have been programmed as children to react in relationship to each stimulus. We will discuss these punishment does not come. whereas the beliefs which we observe. We may withdraw from the stimuli or way so as to repeatedly verify for him his sense of security. Even worse. we often feel the need to create secondary emotional mechanisms in a later chapter. thus adding new emotions to the original ones which created our original reactions. BOX NO. we might reject ourselves. then we experience positive emotions such as security. or we may find that each emotion has another belief at its source. often disagreeable ways. when we are boiling inside. job. perhaps plead for help. then become stimuli for others triggering the others’ emotional mechanisms. We may feel fear. The average person blames the people and events around him for his unpleasant emotions. but it does mean learning to . when ourselves in the form of self-destructive behavior. We have beliefs and fear is based on a sense of danger and separateness. does not mean ceasing every effort towards improving the external factors in our lives. In order to do that. hurt.4 OUR REACTIONS and situations which surround him. that we are not reacting at all. or the opposite. Most people believe that they will obtain attempt to communicate about the problem. many emotions. love. shame or selfrejection or even fear that we might lose control or be totally rejected by others. This suppress them.Life Coach Handbook 15 www. love and disappointment. events BOX NO. We may feel fear and anger. is also a basic emotion often felt in conjunction with fear. We might become sarcastic or relationship. elation. Guilt emotions concerning our reactions. Our reactions also become stimuli for our own emotional mechanisms. we will need to find the specific belief which creates each disturbing emotion. The analysis process must also take these secondary as we believe consciously or subconsciously that we are emotional mechanisms into consideration. 3 OUR EMOTIONS Such secondary mechanisms are quite frequent at each stage of this process. The more guilt we feel. persons have found happiness in this way. peace. If we want to get free from our unpleasant emotions. to ascertain which belief is creating each emotion. disillusionment. Then their reactions become new stimuli which trigger our emotional reactions. In such a case our reactions become stimuli for a secondary emotional mechanism. We might act unconcerned or aloof even Very few. In such cases. We may quite vulnerable. we often judge ourselves and feel disappointment. happiness or love in all situations. Our incessant chattering creates a deaf ear. pushing others away. etc. He also wants events to occur in such a internal ways. as our mind and its reflex emotional reactions do not allow us to. happiness. We are not free to feel peace. ignoring the fact that he himself is the creator of how he feels. Our over-controlling nature creates irresponsibility. We might nag or complain continuously. Our reactions. We have beliefs and emotions about Love is based on feelings of security and unity. If the stimulus manages to pass through all these belief filters. which are a product of our past experiences. Our distrust attracts a lack of trustfulness. and subsequently their reactions towards us. We may make various inner Most have found happiness by learning to be content with efforts to overcome our feelings. In this way.com and psychosomatic illnesses. and we are like two or more programmed robots interacting in totally unconscious and mechanical. The important factor here is that the our emotions are caused by our beliefs and not the stimuli which trigger off those beliefs. if we observe that we are reacting aggressively. we investigate the technique called active listening. we will need to discover which beliefs are creating each emotion. through self-observation and self-analysis. We have emotions about the We experience a wide variety of emotions from love to fear. We may live in satisfaction and self worth all of which are superficial and denial of what we feel and what is happening. If we want to free ourselves HOW WE USUALLY SEEK HAPPINESS from unpleasant emotions. home. For example. if any. emotions we have. We sometimes experience many emotions simultaneously. gratitude etc.HolisticHarmony. These reactions are then reflected in events and behaviors which we encounter. injustice. we will need to first free ourselves from the beliefs which cause those emotions. As we observe ourselves reacting. we may discover that one belief is creating importance and will be taken up in detail in a later chapter. guilt and anger all at the same time. guilt and fear. which become not worthy or God’s love and protection.

Which do you believe might be the childhood 1. (Box no. our happiness. . What do I believe (consciously or subconsciously) b. or programmed me to believe these beliefs which are now how did your parents react? causing my pain or unhappiness? 9. harmony or ability to feel love and unity with those around you. while we simultaneously 4. triggering experiences which may have caused you to believe those these emotions? beliefs and have those feelings? 2. b. and breathing techniques do well to answer the questions before moving on. happiness. 12. About your own self? destroy our peace of mind. What may have happened in the past which may have 8. About what is happening? fear and anxiety ridden emotional mechanisms which b. Externally (what is your behavior like)? (Box no.you? emotional processes? 10.) do you think might be helpful? designed to help answer the above questions. Changes in dietary habits c. Which makes you feel those emotions when in contact Getting free from these emotional mechanisms requires with that stimulus. love and unity even when confronted with that particular stimuli. 3) Creating happiness. What do I feel? What are the emotions which I feel at 7. love and unity even learn? when confronted with the particular stimulus we are now talking about. 1) describe in some detail so that we can understand exactly what it is about that which bothers you. Positive thought projection ______________________________________ d. or behaviors or even your own thoughts) which disturb your sense of inner peace.box no. Strengthening spiritual or logical beliefs A QUESTIONNAIRE FOR f. How can I make this change in my mental. events. What exactly happens which triggers this emotional mechanism in you? (What is the stimuli . 3. We need to modify our 5. How do you react when you feel those emotions in this moment? those situations? a. (Box no. which until now created problems for 6. Keeping a dairy e. Other ANALYZING EMOTIONS _____________________________________ Fig. The most effective 11. so as to be able to retain your inner peace. You would a. Internally? 3. 4 1. which is forcing me to feel these emotions? 4) 4. our c. think of them all. What emotions do you feel when in contact with that seek to improve them. happiness. What is it which is actually bothering me. 6. and many matter differently? beginners at this process of self-analysis require assistance in this process of self-discovery. For those who are familiar with the following. Which beliefs would you like to change so as to be able 5.HolisticHarmony. Please make a list of stimuli (situations. Which We close with a very simplified questionnaire (fig 4. What new beliefs would help you to confront this These questions are not always easy to answer.Life Coach Handbook 16 www. Exercises. What else do think you could do to help yourself get assistance which we have discovered is active listening free from this? which we will discuss in the next chapter. stimulus? If you have various emotions at different times. happiness. How did you react as a child in similar situations. Select one of those which would you most like to work on at this point of your life. About life itself? relationships and our effective mental functioning. 2) our answering some basic questions. What is my lesson here? What do I need to change or to retain your peace. What do you believe? belief system so that these stimuli do not trigger off such a. 2. is not a matter of seeking to control all the stimuli which come our way.com accept those factors as they are.


This question will then work in the subject’s subconscious mind calling forth answers. a. Often the others want us to tell them what to do. we will project our do not want to take responsibility for their reality. to hear all possible beliefs. interest and childlike wonder concerning what is going on within the other person. or at least that we are useful. We will need to get free from the need to give advice. To be free from prejudices and opinions. The first is to aid the reader on his path to self knowledge and self actualization. Socrates used this technique to facilitate our philosophical wakening. Our tendency is to try to solve the others problem rather than help him learn to solve his own. but they are much more clearly understood by observing them at work in ourselves and others. Thus. b. Sit opposite the person who is speaking. Those seeking help. We will present throughout this book various questionnaires which we have been designed throughout the years to accomplish this purpose. need to be free from our own fears. Active listening is an ancient process of inner searching once used by Socrates in his attempts to awaken the minds of those around him to the truth which lay dormant within them. having been programmed by society not to believe in them selves. Otherwise. own answers. actions or behaviors with an open mind and full acceptance towards the other. they subjective beliefs and attitudes onto the other person and then in the end accuse us of having harmed them with our fail to help effectively .com CHAPTER 6 ACTIVE LISTENING We remind you of what we have initially expressed in the Prologue. giving him or . The second is to help those readers. d. We see the other as lost. Their problem is not solved.HolisticHarmony. To be interested in and care for the other person and 1. We need to verify our self worth by giving advice to others. master the art of supporting others in this same process. to tell them “what they should do?” This has many drawbacks: 1. We believe that the other is incapable of finding his Although we will give here a basic structure for proceeding. although it may seem painful and not efficient. who are interested. thus showing that we are superior or that that they 1. When we give someone a fish. The basic prerequisites for its successful application are: need us. advice. self acceptance. unbiased mind which can working simultaneously with crystal clear logic and free flowing intuition. We must also be able to leave the other without answers. We will need to understand the mechanisms of the human mind. it is often best to complete the discussion with a question rather than an answer or a recipe for happiness. We suggest that those of you who are interested in the second purpose read each section twice. We we teach him to fish for himself. This is difficult because we ourselves feel the need to give advice for various reasons: FACTORS CONTRIBUTING TO A POSITIVE ATMOSPHERE Now let us look at the process of active listening. In some cases. 3. We will 3. Their dependence on us becomes draining. inspiration and guidance from within. blockages and attachments so that we do not identify with various 4.Life Coach Handbook 18 www. then we feed him for a lifetime. It is a method which is mastered through practice and experience.perhaps even cause him harm. 4. weak and without it must be remembered that this is spontaneous process inner guidance. truly want to help him or her. because they are usually persons who positions on the subject. When seeking to facilitate others you will need to learn this science and art of asking the right questions. We will discuss many of these here. we will use various questionnaires to facilitate our clarification of what exactly we are feeling and thinking. we feed him for one meal. This book is written for two purposes. 5. will pressure you to give them the answers to their problems. intuition (tuition from within). first as the subject of the analysis and secondly as the facilitator of that analysis for others. and perhaps what exactly we want and need. c. and to seek answers outside of them selves. 2. even when we feel sure that we have the answer in our mind. should read as if you are the subject of analysis. Those of you who read for the first purpose. It has become a habit as we believe that we are responsible for other people’s reality. It requires a clear. When we are working on ourselves. The other person gradually becomes dependent on us. based on love. In our case we will use it to clarify our psychological processes. losing any sense of self confidence. and to be able 2.

or confusing their own problems with more deeply what he is feeling. These are affirmations that you are emotions and beliefs which causing his/her pain. would in which case the other of course will either become you like to make the matter more concrete by finishing the confused and not be able to think. evolution? 8. problem. We are listening and understanding what is being said and should searching for : be genuine and not overdone so that the other does not feels that you showing false interest. divine being. by simply shaking head or making movements with the What we do know. What else the person needs to learn from this situation present. especially childhood experiences? is being said. Give evidence in a natural (not mechanical) way that cause of the unpleasant emotions from which the subject you are listening.. which he/she would prefer not to feel? 4. Is your problem what is happening here or how you . Considering all that you have you have told us.. perceive the problem in 9. or perhaps with some sounds or short words such as in order to help the other free himself/ herself from those “yes” or “I see”. That could be may want to get free. and do not be in a hurry to force him to see what is going on 5. an adventure into the unique mind of a fellow 2. needing and those of others. Although our own self exposure may at times help the Let now go through the accompanying chart with the other to feel freer in sharing parts of himself about which title THE STEPS OF ACTIVE LISTENING. that the causes within him/her or the solutions or needs to do in order to pass this test and go on in his are the same as the ones you found for yourself. . an awareness of the answers within. what we are searching for eyes. solutions are often what has caused him to feel this way and what his lesson impossible to find. believing.. can seldom be b. Look into the other eyes as you talk and as you listen. What beliefs or thoughtforms are creating those very deeply within him. and have no answers. so that all both of your what we are trying to help the other person discover energy fields are in contact. a. Now we come to the main surgical tool of active a very cloudy way. often combining many different listening: ask questions which help the other to understand problems together. How this person could see these stimuli differently. is able to clearly define the problem he wants to solve. as we have no clear description of the or solution might be.. feel love energy flowing out from your heart center towards the other person. This can be done in a loving way. or even worse. What exactly is it that you want here? productive.. As you listen. How the person reacts in those situations? within him. and why he wants inner beauty. This should be done with a sense of play. “more specifically the problem I want to solve is defensive and refuse to reveal anything at all. so 7. 5) he might feel shame or guilt.. Have the patience to respect that emotions? sometimes very slow process of his seeing himself. so that the other becomes so totally relaxed that he/she naturally falls into Questions which aid in defining the problem. through those questions. and are searching together for the 3. become phrase.It is important that the individual not usually helpful or even pleasant for the other. Exactly what emotions the other is feeling. in their confusion. Our presumption is that we know nothing. 1.HolisticHarmony. and that you understand. 3. THE PROBLEM . What types of external and internal stimuli in past and present trigger of those emotions? 5... Avoid projecting your own problems onto the other as not to be bothered by them? assuming that because his external situation may be similar to one which you have experienced in that past or 8. although those answers may be buried 4. c. overdoing it or taking more time to talk about ourselves than listening to the other is 1. Remember that the other has all the answers for his growth process. Please describe exactly how you would like your reality THE QUESTIONS to be concerning this subject? Now let us look at the questions which we might ask and d. Ask questions which help you clarify for yourself what continuation of the past. however. Mentally energize and uplift the other to get free from them? continuously with your energy and appreciation of her/his being.com her all of the front of your body. (fig. Some people. Recognize his/her 2.. Or this process can be executed like a detective or lawyer grilling his subject. 6.Life Coach Handbook 19 www. 7.” Active listening without love and a natural flow of interest and respect towards the other. How these emotions and beliefs may be some type of 6. How those emotions affect his life.. In such situations.


The word after the the word “feel” do not participate with me in what I want to do?” “ “My must be an emotion. I have told him repeatedly that it bothers me. because they are based on our negative. What exactly is it that the other does which makes you loved ones. This will be discussed later on. bitter.HolisticHarmony. some may answer “ I In such a case. our fear or bodily reactions come into our awareness. anger. In the each case.” “ When I talk to him.” “She is always accusing me and correcting me.” “ I feel that I am being used. who .” work on his fear of the original stimulus or on his reactions These are not feelings but beliefs. loneliness.. If he says. Now as descriptions such as anger. These interpretations are 2.e. as can our emotions also. are interpretations of negative effect on our lives. As beliefs are the causes of example the other may tell us that the stimulus is that their the emotions. “they do not agree with me. or death of loved one. Only then can we discover external event or some thought about the future. or an event such as a loss to feel the way you feel? of money or theft.” We want to get a more specific description of emotions as stimuli. or the beliefs which are causing the emotions and the because we notice some physical symptoms such a a rapid problem. We must remember that stimuli can be external or internal i. joy. we might describing his feelings. But these. hurt.” All of these are events which can be discussed as stimuli. guilt. In most “feel” in each case with the word “believe”. are subjective interpretations as to why the other is behaving in this way. that the other does not love me or rejects me. WHAT EXACTLY IS THE STIMULUS . or perhaps the emotions themselves or the bodily reactions to those emotions. peace.” the emotions might be frustration. in most cases. we will need to investigate both.” what are you feeling?”.Our next not the stimuli. Thus we are looking for more specific or irregular heart beat or difficulty in breathing. we need to determine the cause in order to spouse is rejecting them. An external stimulus could be 1.com perceive yourself reacting to it? Are you upset about what is happening or more so about how you are reacting to it. we confuse emotions with beliefs.” In this case the feelings to be analyzed separately. To the weakness. but each will need “I believe that you do not love me. the emotional state with words which describe more Another example is that we feel fear because of some accurately the emotion we have. or a failure at some endeavor.” “He still smokes in the house. bother you most? For example we might feel shame about sexual feelings or fantasies.” “He doesn’t pay any attention to me. I find totally unacceptable. as other beliefs are working in might be rejection. Other beliefs cause us to feel fear or jealousy or case of “I believe that you are being stubborn and hard anger while other beliefs force us to feel unhappy about headed. we love. although. shame. feel that way? Internal stimuli could be thoughts about events of the past or about possible futures. Thus there might be one stimulus ( a person 3. fear.. guilt of fear because we have those feelings. or both? This is to determine whether our problem is the events which are causing the emotions. It is also very important to distinguish between the Thus we need to help ourselves and others distinguish stimulus and our interpretation of the stimulus. or be attached to the past. feel shame or fear or even anger interpreting this as Secondly. What kind of behavior would you like from the other? themselves can be stimuli. we know get answers such as. child continues to want to marry that person. What are the others exact words or actions which functions . or get confused. injustice. they often call these second stage emotions which are found on our answer vaguely. fear. hate etc. For between emotions and beliefs.” “ I feel that you are very need to clarify with our questions whether he wants to stubborn and hard headed. confused about what exactly is stimulating their emotions. actions or behaviors and not the behaviors themselves. upset. For example one can have negative feelings about the tendency 4.” “ She tells me lies.. disturbed. having these emotions. For One screening technique is to prohibit the use of the example if we ask. We When we ask someone what they are feeling. injustice. Thus we can have feelings about how our mind 5. How would you like things to happen in this situation? of the mind to fear.” “ They that this will be a belief. “I feel that . impatience etc. as we want to help this person. question. We can replace the word to the emotions created by his original reactions. while those feelings then become the stimulus for feelings such as Few of us have a very intimate contact with our feelings.” . newspaper in front of him. For example. or some event or result in the lives of our 2. OUR EMOTIONS or image) which creates the sexual feelings. bitterness. “what does the other do which makes word “that” after the word feel when the subject is you feel that they do not love you or reject you?”. “bad. or that their child does not love be able to transform it so as to become free from its them. cases. shame. but beliefs which belong to 5th level of the goal is to determine the stimulus. They are also confused about what their emotions are. Questions which aid in defining the stimulus. mental. The conclusions however. People often are analysis. he has his Some questions which may help in determining the . diagram on level 4.Life Coach Handbook 21 www. unhappy. hurt. Thus our thoughts 3. These are what we believe about the stimulus. we will feel that you do not love me. What exactly is it which is happening which causes you something someone said or did. jealousy.

We have already Appendix A. Those reactions then become stimuli for others and also for ourselves. or we start shouting angrily or raising our voices. What do you feel when you are confronted with the created by our beliefs about our emotions and our situation or behavior? reactions and what they mean about ourselves. SECOND STAGE EMOTIONS . Have you felt this way in other situations? external and internal manifestations of our emotions. beliefs or a. Centers for drug addiction use this technique. others and life itself. See the list of emotions in 4. however. These will be discussed later on in other chapters. In addition there are various methods of exploring our body’s reactions and our behavioral movements in order to come into deeper contact with our emotions. How do you feel about yourself when you have these Some questions which can help us find our emotions emotions? through our reactions are: m. which we have about the emotions. Can you accept that a part of yourself feels this way? begins shaking. then it j. discussed to a certain degree the mechanism of 2nd stage emotions. Our reactions are simply the d. That will be our next stage of discovery. What did you say to yourself in these moments which helped you not to feel and/ or react differently? These last three questions are extremely important in determining how to proceed. help the individual identify the feelings which are bothering him at the moment. and that leads us to overcoming the emotional and mental resistance to that. DISCOVERING OUR BELIEFS . c. moments during which despite the fact that you were in a similar situation. f. or were there. Also there are methods of behavioral therapy in which we start by changing the behavior. or our heart beating faster or we feel faint. our k. Our beliefs create our emotions and our emotions create our e. you managed to feel and / or react differently? q. safe and free to be ourselves. just as our emotions show the existence of our beliefs. then many 1. Our emotions are the result of what we believe about our selves. What do you feel when you think about the problem? As we examine our emotions. When we reject a part of our being. Are there. How long have you felt this way? o. we give it energy allowing it to grow. When we find ourselves closing off to others. then we will find that very few stimuli can trigger negative feelings within us.com emotions: Methods for accepting and expressing emotions will be We could slowly read out a list of emotions which might discussed later on. if we have been programmed to believe that we are worthy. Of all your emotions. l. however can be markers which help us to discover the deeper emotions. self worth or freedom to be our selves. Which and when were these moments? (Quest. Do you have any other emotions. We. 5. if we doubt our safety. h.8) r. we try to change our reactions within child? changing our beliefs and emotions.HolisticHarmony. If you saw someone reacting in that way. Can you love and accept that part of your being which becomes obvious that we are being controlled by certain feels that way? emotions.Our beliefs create our reality and thus our emotions. cannot change what we cannot first see and accept. what emotions would you say he had? 2. When we see that our body i. avoiding them. Which emotions from the list most accurately describe reactions that we observe in ourselves. These 2nd stage what you feel? emotions such as feeling guilty or angry at ourselves because we got angry and shouted at an another are b. What we reject often ingrains itself even more deeply out of resistance. This too will be expanded on later. it is natural to also examine our reactions. What emotions might your body or subconscious be having in order for your body to react in that way? . which is the one which you want feel will come to the surface. or being sarcastic. Our this? reactions show the existence of emotions. then we will be simply suppressing ourselves and sooner or later what we really g. in connection with behaviors show that we are feeling specific emotions. Very simply. Can you accept having this emotion? Reactions. What else do you feel? reactions. Can you remember feeling this way when you were If. In what other situations have you felt similar emotions? n.Life Coach Handbook 22 www. How often do you feel this way? p. in general. It is essential that a person first learn to see and accept that part of himself which is programmed to interpret and feel in that particular way. or criticizing them. On the other hand. This why we do not give much to analyze now? attention to simply changing behavior without making accompanying changes in our beliefs and emotions.




A list of possible childhood experiences from which these beliefs was created can also be found in the Appendix C. In the case that there is more than one stimuli or in the case that 2nd stage emotions are created once the original emotions become the second stimulus. self rejection. guilt and shame. The belief that the parent will lose the others’ respect and that the parent΄s self worth is dependent on what others think about him. The corresponding emotions will be fear. shame. inferiority. and we will frequently feel fear or guilt. We place a description of the stimulus in the upper box and fill in the various emotions which we feel in the boxes for the various emotions. In the box for belief no 1. The belief that the parent is responsible for the child΄s success or failure. bitterness. Feel free to ignore them. hurt and even anger towards the child. assumptions or convictions to which the child might be lead through these experiences. For example. Each different belief will create its own emotions with the same stimulus. we then need to go even deeper as we search for the core beliefs or root beliefs behind those beliefs which we have found. jealousy. The beliefs presented from numbers 144 to 277 are those which come to mind in relation ships with the various roles which we play in life. When we are seeking to solve an electrical problem in a home. For this reason.7 and 8 (above) will help us in this process. CORE BELIEFS . these lists are neither absolute nor exclusive. will create emotions of self rejection. The belief is the short circuit which must be found in order to fix the problem. or that the parent’s self worth is measured by the child’s success will create emotions of failure. we caution you to use these lists without being limited by them. If the parent believes that grades are not the most important factor contributing to the child΄s happiness and is free from giving importance to what others think. This is why we often feel conflicting emotions and observe conflicting reactions to the same stimulus. There may be more than one belief for each emotion while some beliefs may be common to many emotions and may appear over and over creating different emotions. such as hurt. The first 143 beliefs are those which might be programmed into a child through his childhood experiences.HolisticHarmony. The belief that the child is to blame for his poor performance and the parents unhappiness may create resentment. We want to discover the beliefs which make us believe what we believe. bitterness etc.Life Coach Handbook 26 www. These can be called second stage beliefs and need to be discussed when the problem is two fold. and self doubt. we need to hold clearly in our minds. anger. Only once we find the beliefs which are creating the emotions can this person begin the process of getting free. After each experience there is a list of numbers which refer to the belief list indicating possible beliefs. One of the examples included here is that of a child who brings home poor grades. when they do not seem to apply to the case in point.com situations and behaviors will be threatening for us. Figures number 6. Or one could start out with the belief list and after determining some beliefs which appear to be programmed into the subconscious refer to the childhood experiences numerically listed after each belief. There is a list of those roles in the appendixes along with the basic beliefs and attitudes and behaviors of those caught up in those roles. all the other unpleasant emotions which are born from these two core emotions. In our search for the beliefs which are causing the emotions. What do you believe which makes you believe in this? (Quest. and each emotion will create its own reactions. understanding and love as he sought to find practical solutions to the problem. that which we feel about the original stimulus and that which we feel about how we feel and react towards that stimulus. where it is determined that 2nd stage emotions have come into play. A list of 277 beliefs can be found in the Appendix B of this book. shame. and then seek to discover the beliefs which link the stimulus which each emotion. he will have emotions such as compassion. then a separate analysis will need to be done for each separate stimulus. Here too. They are beliefs which on the one hand create the need for those roles. and on the other are created by the roles. we find the beliefs that the child’s success and happiness depends on his grades and that the child will be in danger and unhappy if he does not have good grades. other beliefs may create jealousy or fear concerning a certain stimulus while others create a feeling of disappointment or shame or self rejection or even anger at ourselves because we observe ourselves having those emotions. In some cases. What do you believe about what is happening here which makes you feel that particular emotion of __________? This can be repeated for each emotion. then we will have to determine which beliefs are creating those emotions.a) . The human mind and its variable reactions cannot be limited by such lists. Some questions which can be helpful in finding beliefs and core beliefs are: a. These lists are offered to help but not to limit. and is also free from the doubt about himself as a parent and as a person. Of course locating the problem is only the first step towards manifesting the solution. it is essential that we discover where the short circuit is located which is causing the problem. the stimulus as we go through each emotion seeking to discover the beliefs and conditionings which are creating those emotions.After discovering the beliefs which are creating our 1st and 2nd stage emotions (and in some cases. anxiety and insecurity. Thus once we have established the stimulus and the various emotions which are created. it may be beneficial to create a list of the various emotions created by this one stimulus so as to discover the different beliefs which may create each emotion. our next step is to discover which beliefs are interpreting that stimulus in that way so as to create these emotions within us. and thus. b. Of course. 7. even 3rd stage emotions).

Perhaps you can’t see any conscious conviction that creates these emotions in you. a. what will happen to you? What will you feel and what do you believe which will make you feel that. these may life? be easily accessible. Where there is smoke. What makes you believe that this might happen and secondly that it will be so horrible if it does? j. i. What is it that your subconscious (the child within) could believe to make you feel these emotions when this happens? n. Do you always believe this? (Quest. how would you feel? What would you be believing which would make you feel that way?” d. security or freedom. in this situation. but we have to face the fact that the emotion and corresponding reaction are there. while others may need much time and a series of techniques in order to get in touch with what When the beliefs are not conscious.com Keep asking which belief is “behind” and creates each belief that you discover. What do you fear in this situation? g.) m. beliefs. then keep asking. how did you feel when you were in such situation?” c. It is easier for many to feel okay about their inner child or some part of the subconscious having these fears or sensitivities. In such cases we may need to move on to the following type of questioning. Do you consciously believe this. 8. what would be your guess that they believed in order to feel that way?” e. which other people or the particular situation prevent you from having? o. “ Yes and if that happens to them. What do you lose when this happens? p. or j. Did you have the acceptance and love which you needed from your parents? This happens because the beliefs which cause our emotions are not conscious but rather subconscious often belonging to what we call the inner child. it is often helpful to search for the experiences which may have contributed to q.) l. and core beliefs. Can you suspect that any subconscious part of your self might have any of these fears?” f. For some persons. we will often find a discrepancy particular sensitivity or vulnerability which is now causing between our emotions and what we believe consciously. What is it you want or you believe you must have. we do not actually consciously believe what makes us fear. somewhere there must be fire. such as a loved one. And if what you want does not happen what does this mean: about you: about others: about life itself? e. “ If you saw someone else feeling this way. in most cases. despite this. “Most of our unpleasant feelings are generated by subconscious beliefs of that we are in danger or losing our security. happened in the past which may have created the In searching for beliefs. rather than to say that they themselves feel this way.Life Coach Handbook 27 www. c. what would you imagine you would have to believe in your subconscious in order to feel this way? b. “It appears that we are unable to find a belief in your conscious mind which justifies your feeling this way in this situation. you feel bad about it just the same. And to a great extent it is true. g) i. “ If you now were a child and this was happening. “ What might your inner child be believing or fearing here?” g. or j. do you believe it is an objective truth? (Quest. And if this should happen? (Quest. i. that is. Did your parents trust your ability to deal with the creation of those beliefs. if that happens to them?” What will not happen? What will you loose? What is in danger if what you want does not happen? d. because. Have this in mind when you find that someone (who might be your own self) is resisting expressing the beliefs which are behind his emotions.Once we have established the emotions. Thus we must look in the subconscious for the belief. “Considering this. What is the worst that can happen here? h. What were your parents’ convictions about this? k.HolisticHarmony. self worth or freedom. “What might some small part of yourself be believing or fearing here?” What we need to do is to allow the individual to “save face” by allowing his inner child or some small subconscious part of his being take the responsibility for these fears and his doubts about his self worth. them to overreact in ways which they themselves see are . And if what you want does not really happen? What does this mean? What will happen to you? If the subject answers that something will happen to someone else. EXPERIENCES . What is the possible danger here? f. “ As a child. but.

Here we are simply discussing discovering the childhood experiences which may have given birth to the beliefs which are creating these unpleasant emotions triggered by the particular stimuli. manipulation. a. CONCLUSIONS & 10. Where there other persons who played an important role in your childhood? How would you describe them? f. have felt something similar to what you are feeling now? b. DECISIONS - After clarifying and determining which emotions and d. of what we have discovered. Can you remember situations in the past when you further questions such as the following. made by the person being analyzed and not by the person Questions which may be helpful here are: asking the questions. A child does not have the logic to realize that a parent may not have time or the emotional complacency to give the child attention. or what might have happened to siblings or even to strangers. other beliefs. We need to be flexible enough to move off onto side paths. simply because the they are not able to understand the logic of child. What was your environment’s attitude towards this particular situation which we are now discussing? j. One could write letters to those who played important roles in our childhood years. In which case. These answers as to what is exactly causing the problem may be expedited by answering some a. His logic cannot tell him that this was one isolated incident and not all relationships will be like this. Describe your relationship with your father. while always remembering the paths which we have left and eventually come back to them to examine them and eventually integrate all these emotional mechanisms into a general pattern of beliefs and emotional mechanisms which the individual can understand so that he can move on to the next stage of making conclusions. we may suddenly discover that the real problem is to be found in other emotions and beliefs than those with which we started. or because he has problems or is blocked emotionally. A surprising number of people remember the events which have taken place. The same may happen in relationship to the stimulus as we discover that actually something else is bothering the person more that the stimulus which we originally identified. For example we may start our with anger about someone's not communicating and end up that more important is our fear of his leaving us. but are not able to see the connection. Regressions to our childhood years can be very helpful beliefs are creating the problem. so that the conclusions are All of these will be discussed in more detail later. we will need to let go of the emotion we are discussing and move on to a side analysis of the one which now seems more important. we have a separate column to the left of the main issue called other emotions. This takes practice and help.HolisticHarmony. we need to make a resume in remembering.Life Coach Handbook 28 www. In the process of active listening. This does not need to come out in chronological order. we will have to use techniques which facilitate the remembering process. according to one’s preference. abandonment or suppression. I have seen cases in which children’s logic has told them that they are responsible for their parents divorce. How would you describe your father? e. How would you describe your mother? d. It is natural then to fear close love relationships. When a child is abused or abandoned or manipulated or suppressed by those who "love" him and whom he loves. other core beliefs and other experiences. The only assumption that the child can make is that he is not worthy of attention and love and will not have it in his life. c. i. 9. Thus. One could do this in the first or third person. but rather in any order in which the memories come. and of course the desire to know and get free. or a parent’s death. Writing about childhood experiences and what exactly happened is useful. Describe your relationship with your mother. b. What was your family’s attitude towards ________? SIDE PATHS You will notice that on our chart called THE STEPS OF ACTIVE LISTENING. The child’s logic with which we experienced those events is often very different than the one in which we now perceive and interpret the same events. Describe your relationship with other important persons from your childhood years. Can you remember something like this happening in the past? c. In such a case. we are not always able to see the relationship between what we have experienced in the past and what is bothering us today. We start analyzing anger and end up searching for beliefs which create the fear of abandonment. affection or love because he needs to work long hours. One could write the history of his life. These letters should not be ended. For example a child often sees the parents as perfect and divine and himself as to blame for anything that goes wrong. then he naturally subconsciously "logically" identifies love with abuse. or a parent’s illness.com self defeating and often negative for the environment. he will create a reality corresponding to those beliefs. g. This resume itself must also be done through questions. We will mention them briefly here and dwell on them in greater detail when we discuss the process of getting free from childhood programming. In some cases. h. but added to every time we think of something else. .

If you had no financial.TECHNIQUES - Based on the conclusions and decisions we have come to in our process of active listening until this point we will b. What would you like to request from the others e. Do you want to change any of those beliefs which are involved in this situation? creating those emotions? k. Can you love that part of your self which has those h. Is there something others can do to help? Can you from the past is making us sensitive to what is happening. however. What inner preparation can you make in order to need to make a plan of action. MY LESSON & 12.com help you?) a. Which beliefs do you want to change? to this situation? g. c. which i. Can you accept that part of yourself which has those g. Is there something I can do to help you? (Who can about emotions and what triggers them. How could you increase you feelings of self worth If the subject is unable to answer these questions. If you had faith in yourself. which emotions do you want most to work on? f. colleagues etc. companion. such as. 1. after all that we have discussed. then. and self-acceptance? in some cases. BELIEFS WHICH I WANT 2) In your habits? TO CHANGE 3) In your manner or communication? 4) In your way of life? Integral to deciding what each person wants to do. child.) life. EMPLOYMENT . situation? should be done only when the individual is totally unable to clearly see what is happening.Life Coach Handbook 29 www. All of what we will mention briefly here will be analyzed in detail in later chapters. express this wish for help or cooperation now as if you and thus we leave the subject with questions or a plan to were talking to them? (Psychodrama or written work on: communication). which changes he wants to make internally and externally is p. In your opinion. What would you like to explain or express to the beliefs are those which are creating your unpleasant others involved in this situation? emotions? j. Not all persons have accepted this perception of express? (Parents.a) levels of actions. and thus the question in those cases must be expressed differently. we can propose that we make a resume of what we have discovered stopping after each conclusion. How would you like to be able to react internally and externally in such situations in the future? l.ACTIONS . o. Observing ourselves. family or social obligation. changes one might want to make are: what would you do with your life? a. That we are not sure yet of which belief or experience d.HolisticHarmony. What is it that you would like to express to others determining what one’s lesson is in that particular that you haven’t expressed or that you find difficult to situation. . If life is a school and you have come here to learn some lessons. "If this situation does not change and q. after all that we have said. what is it that life is trying to teach you in this case? 13. What can you do externally to overcome the Just a few possibilities are: problem? a. How could you learn to feel free to be yourself in this asking him if he agrees that this is true. How could you strengthen yourself in relationship f. This. Now. What changes you would like to make in your life? 1) In your thinking? 11. n. what 1) What reality would you create for yourself (without changes could you make in the way you think and react any restrictions)? which may make this situation easier for you to cope 2) How would you like to be? with?" Other questions will be useful in determining what r. What convictions or truths could help you to feel emotions? better or to overcome it? c. would you feel the same? b. What logical thoughts could help you to see this emotions? differently? d. If you had a magic wand"" you are forced to face it whether you like it or not. keeping a diary and writing e. This plan may have various learn these lessons more effectively? (Quest. How could you increase you self-confidence? m.

but the process of writing it may shed light on what is 3. so that it passes into the subconscious." but rather with the opposite positive such as " I react with love and understanding" or " I accept and love 2. Remembering past events which are similar to what messages. 6. but b. where and how he plans to take these b." c. particular plan or change a belief. Some possibilities are: 7. The person may have established exactly what beliefs actions. He will need to establish the positive thoughts which why we want to make that change. bedroom. Some c. clarity and he wants to manifest in his life. To employ various techniques for increasing energy much? and peace and strengthening the nervous system such a b. To confront what we fear. Why does this _______________ bother me so e. which "seal" the decision process such as: b. Writing a letter to the person whose behavior might mirror. you might need to help him perfect the phrase. This is necessary because it helps us keep in mind the reasons and motives 1. kitchen. Why is it so important for me that I get this from In aiding another to decide on his immediate plan of _______________? action. even if he chooses to weaken the phrase in the above 5. 3. e. Do you foresee any external obstacles in employing sleeping. or "in the near future". car. To make a cassette in which these phrases are repeated by another or by himself once a state of deep 8. external actions in order to solve this problem. which works to a. I will. and thus he will decide on what exactly when. can be stated many times throughout the day.HolisticHarmony. or "as of the belief you want to transform? tomorrow". or "in most cases. Which actions do you plan to employ first? mentioned ways. exercises." changes now? Ultimate the person himself should decide on the phrase. it is often useful to help bind himself to his decision by specifying when. Why to you want to transform this belief? myself regardless of the outcome of my efforts. What do I believe which makes feel proper diet. Why do you want to make this change in your life? mistake. so sensitive to this situation? This is also a last solution after we have tried everything d. What has happened in the past which makes me f. Such a cassette can also be made to be played while 9. we are experiencing. It should not contain words which put the change 3. It should not contain negative words such "I will not get angry" or " will not reject myself when I make a 1. It should not be too long. c. Having a question in our mind. Why is it so important for me that the others (or "SEALING" THE DECISION some specific person) _____________? h. these techniques or decisions? . c. where and how he plans to employ this plan. especially just before sleeping or deep relaxation. To remove ourselves from the vicinity of the problem. Thus we can close the active listening with questions a. The letter will not be given at this point. or "I may be able to". It is his/her choice. possible general questions could be: d. phrases. Those motives become might be simple logical thoughts or spiritual truths which a motivating force which gives more will power. Once he decides on the strength for making those changes or take to actions. Next one needs to decide on the ways in which he will focus on this phrase. In which room of the house will you be employing relaxation has been established with the help of the these techniques? guidance on the cassette. a. Make signs and messages with these phrases and place them in places where we will see them. When and where do you plan to start? 2.Life Coach Handbook 30 www. deep _____________ when this happens? relaxation and meditation. Just a few possibilities would be: 4. Ask questions which help both of you be clear he wants to transform. place of work. breathing techniques. e. A subliminal cassette can be made with the same 2. be bothering us. What negative consequences do you experience from into the future such as "I will" or "eventually I ". We might discover that we also need to make some really bothering us. d.com d. What have been the negative consequences of your phrase should be removed or changed such as " I hopefully way of life until now which make you want to make these will’. Also words which weaken the strength of the 4. Which time of the day do you plan to do these a. To study or learn something. in bathroom. To write them daily a number of times exercises or techniques? b. To change our behavior or modify some activities. To express our needs and feelings to the others stimulate the subconscious into answering. What is my lesson here? else. actions he wants to initiate in order to start the process of It is also essential to establish why we want to employ a transformation. What I really want here? f. This question involved.

how can you overcome them? 10.. But I would suggest that we to I pressure the other to find the answers which he cannot allow the other a number of sessions or weeks. IN OUR QUESTIONING? " If the other. the longer we need to respect this and go slowly. Do you sense any internal resistance or fear towards employing these techniques or decisions? If yes. and when simultaneously the other has learned to trust and not fear 1. which beliefs we want to transform. what exactly is the particular stimulus which triggers the unpleasant emotions.com If yes.. The more he needs to hide from the them. be used in many ways. " to possible. It may or may not be the same for you." c. however. We can. but simply leave him each time with a question THE WORD. 14. whenever readily see. Each disturbance of such a balance is followed by some type of crisis. Concerning the question about giving the answers as to what beliefs or emotions may be plaguing the other. "How much to try helping in this way. I would like to share those with you so that you can think about them Based on what we discover in answering these three and decide whether or not they might not be hiding in your questions.but whether we are trying) 1.Life Coach Handbook 31 www. what those emotions are. Thus regardless of how much we want to help someone see the truth about himself. It avoids our confusing the other with our other cannot see his own answers?" projections and helps him gain self-confidence in this My personal opinion on this subject is that for at least process of seeing for himself. what the answer us. There is no judgment here and the child does not have force a realization. . Otherwise we might be responsible for disturbing his emotional balance by removing various "balance" mechanism which often entail lying to one’s self or not having contact with one’s real feelings. As time passes and we get to know the subject well and we The word "why" is used more than any other in active have established that he or she has the emotional balance listening. Whether or not we were able to employ the plan (not whether we have results or not . What new discoveries or realizations were made since me as we have been talking. but high intensity ones can upset a person’s emotional equilibrium for months or even years. to find his own answers. you might want often forced with two basic dilemmas. like to share with you some thoughts and impressions which have come to b. When helping another through active listening we are is not able to locate his emotions or beliefs.NEW ACTIONS In follow up meetings. We have established what the problem is. REVIEW .EVALUATION . Like a child who really wonders why. and maturity to handle being pushed further on. come after years. As you listen to them feel free the last meeting? to reject them if they do not seem to hold for you. I would like to share with you what I discovered about my beliefs which create that emotion in PUSHING OR GIVING ANSWERS me. weakness and needs. then will be the time to push on deeper as we try to is. what actions we want to take. we must always move slowly and respect his own inner wisdom concerning the time of "awakening". This word can. love or happiness. each time starting out with three main subjects: This will depend on how much this person needs to hide from his fears. He doesn't know and that is With some very disturbed persons. how we react in those situations. the first five to eight meetings. this moment might why he asking. of low or high intensity. Others still might be ready very soon. " I such cases in the past. however. what we believe which make us feel and react in those ways when confronted with these stimuli. this should be avoided at all costs. Low intensity crises are not a problem and simply cannot be avoided. The plan is put into action until our next meeting. You will decide. " What you are describing reminds me of something I too have felt. "WHY?" think about as he observes himself until our next meeting. always stating them in ways which allow the other total freedom to reject those suggestions. after exhausting all methods of helping him see what is happening without results. then "suggest" some possible answers. what secondary emotions are created when we notice ourselves having the primary emotions. this process is continued. we should not push the other at all. 3. One is." continue our search for the beliefs which are obstructing our peace. how can you overcome them? The active listening is now completed. how we are going to transform the beliefs and make the changes we want.HolisticHarmony. "I do not want to project onto you my ideas of what and where we want to improve or modify that effort? might be happening. or would prefer to ignore?" The second is. Which unpleasant emotions have been most 2. his own answers in his mind. before employing such what degree do I supply my answers to the questions when a technique. Allow the other to find his answers in his own way and time schedule. we have found that some predominant since the last meeting? beliefs are most often behind such emotions. I would. we continue again in our active listening as we subconscious. after a considerable time of active listening. however. For example: a.

is blocked or gets seriously question but a condemnation. or situation? the answers. but because they lack love and acceptance this? for the other. We let the other person talk. (We do not analyze the other person).8) We leave you with a sample very simple basic outline for 10. 9. How often do you feel this way? . in connection with reveal the truth. Our first questions should re-express what we have you could feel that way?" or "Why. and analyze them thoroughly with the questions presented in this chapter. you managed to you take a few of the emotions which you would prefer to feel and / or react differently? lessen or bring into perspective. We don’t take over the conversation to give our opinion. A. What do you believe which makes you believe in this? for active listening. Some facilitators do exactly this. we cannot hear the other’s answer and cannot connect with him and flow with him. How you feel: What emotions do you have concerning are much more important than our ability to "hone in" on this subject.HolisticHarmony. I would suggest that despite you were in a similar situation. In what other situations have you felt similar emotions? 5. B. no progress is made because the other does not feel safe enough to let go of defense mechanisms in 3. who has no answers and is unconditionally accepting of all that the other may do or THE ANALYSIS say. imagine how your inner child might answer. Whenever you have anything bothering you. How do you feel about yourself when you have these order to relax into the truth. Ask 3.com 2. did you do heard using our own words in order to make sure that we that?" In such cases. "why do you feel off the track. Are there. that the attitude and love with which we perform active listening 1. In such situations. the other does not feel accepted and have understood correctly what is going on inside the other safe and obviously will not open up. questionnaire for self-analysis. it has proven to be a very effective (Quest. And if the witness does not give the answer which the lawyer has in his mind. Which and when were these moments? (Quest. the lawyer will continue to ask questions in various ways. because we already have made up our mind about what the answer is. There is no need to be restricted to the questions It is clear that we need to cultivate the first type of WHY? below. b. they are designed to serve as a guide. What do you believe about what’s happening that BASIC OUTLINE FOR ACTIVE LISTENING makes you feel that way? Even though this list of questions was created as a guide 2. We ask. ABOUT EMOTIONS In closing. ATTENTION WHEN ENGAGED IN ACTIVE LISTENING a. d. 8. No counseling. or were there. that way" or "why did you do that?" But what we are really doing is judging and criticizing " How is it possible that c. Did you ever feel this way as a child or in the past in No one can perform active listening with love and clarity general? if he has not gone through the same process of answering all of the above questions in both written and verbal form. try to answer these questions in the order they appear below. we cannot help the other and will most likely antagonize and confuse him. the hell.Life Coach Handbook 32 www.8) to start your own analysis. If we have an answer in our mind. criticism. person. moments during which Thus before going on in this book. ABOUT BELIEFS ______________________________________ 1. In addition to your logical responses. How long have you felt this way? 6. I would like to remind all of us. Like a lawyer who already knows the answer and just asking the question so that the witness will externalize it. emotions? CLOSING In closing our session it is useful for someone (preferably the subject) to write down the conclusions we have come to. advice. REMINDER 7. Do you have any other emotions. Some group facilitators or psychologist are very effective in asking lawyer like questions which can 2. What did you say to yourself in these moments which active listening (fig 9). That of a small child.1) 4. until he gets the answer which he has in his mind. which is also an opportunity for you helped you not to feel and/ or react differently? (Quest. Like a judge in which case the word "why" is not a questions only when he stops. event.

(Parents. . What is the worst that can happen here? express this wish for help or cooperation now as if you were talking to them? (Psychodrama or written 8. colleagues etc. If life is a school and you have come here to learn some does not happen? lessons. companion. What can you do externally to overcome the problem? 6.Life Coach Handbook 33 www. What is it that your subconscious (the child within) could believe to make you feel these emotions when this happens? 6. family or social obligation. would you feel the same? 7. What were your parents’ convictions about this? 11. What is it that you would like to express to others that you haven’t expressed or that you find difficult to express? 14. 9. What is it you want or you believe you must have. you feel bad about it just the same. child. that is. If you had faith in yourself.1) 5. If you had no financial. Did your parents trust your ability to deal with life? 3.) which other people or the particular situation prevent you from having? 10. Perhaps you can’t see any conscious conviction that creates these emotions in you. What convictions or truths could help you to feel better or to overcome it? 8. And if this should happen? (Quest.com Keep asking which belief is "behind" and creates each belief which you discover. what is it that life is trying to teach you in this case? 4.7) 12. DISCOVERIES does this mean? What will happen? What will not happen? What will you loose? What is in danger if what you want 1. What changes you would like to make in your life? a) In your thinking? b) In your habits? c) In your manner or communication? d) In your way of life? 9.7) communication). despite this. 17.HolisticHarmony. And if what you want does not really happen? What 3. Do you consciously believe this. but. What do you fear in this situation? 4. Is there something I can do to help you? (Who can that it will be so horrible if it does? help you?) 10. What inner preparation can you make in order to learn these lessons more effectively? (Quest. do you believe it is an objective truth? (Quest. What makes you believe that this might happen and 5. And if what you want does not happen what does this mean: about you: about others: about life itself? 2.7) 13. What is the possible danger here? 3. If you had a magic wand"" a) What reality would you create for yourself (without 15. Did you have the acceptance and love which you needed from your parents? 11. What do you lose when this happens? any restrictions)? b) How would you like to be? 16. Is there something others can do to help? Can you 7. Do you always believe this? (Quest.

but with intervention from others. we also measure our self worth by how much the other opens up to us or trusts us. but not deep work on the subconscious or major changes in life style. If it is a member of our family or a close friend. This is also one of the most difficult tests in the role of a counselor. we may decide that we would prefer to work with people who want to find to solutions. People who have been pressured by friends. all efforts made by this person to change. without actually wanting to solve the problem.Life Coach Handbook 34 www. Of course many start cautiously without wanting to make major changes and eventually see that those changes are both necessary and also beneficial and pleasant. We want to establish exactly what that person is seeking. as well as all attempts made by others to help. we cannot decide on the time they will be ready for change. this test is even more difficult. Still others seek to be free of the problem even if that means making an effort and making changes to some degree. without actually wanting to change anything in their lives. that we know solutions for their problems. from our own need to solve the other person’s problem. THOSE WHO WANT TO CHANGE BUT DO NOT WANT TO MAKE ANY EFFORT . We will need to decide with which types of persons we are willing or capable to work with and how to work with each category. Also others may come with a "Gung ho" attitude supposedly ready for everything and then get scared and stop. or more usually. it is necessary to clarify what the person wants and how far he is willing to go in the process. or how much we love someone. Some possible situations might be: 1. This is a factor which can often be frustrating in our efforts to help another person. 6. If we feel that this is helping this person in some way then we might chose simply to listen. and that we do not have time to hear over and over the same problems from someone who needs to hold on to those problems. Those who have suffered enough are ready to go all the way to get results. We often are forced by life to witness our loved ones self destruct or create senseless pain for themselves. To see some one we care for suffer. hoping that perhaps eventually this person may come to the point where he really wants to be free from his problem. 2. No matter how many techniques we know. Others want the problem to go away. we may have to simply wait for some people to suffer enough from their old beliefs. We may feel that we are not suited to work with some categories or simply do not enjoy working with others. it is essential that we see the other as immortal divine beings in a process of evolution. The moment of change. We may chose to allow this person to keep his problems and wait until his suffering brings him to the point of seeking real change. however. In this role. In such cases. because we are caught up in the role of the savior and our self worth is dependent on whether on not we can solve their problem.HolisticHarmony. without being able to get them to make the changes necessary in order to improve their situation. We cannot do this for another. Of course. We suffer because the time has come to let go of some old beliefs and move on to other more evolved ones. relatives to contact you and do not really want to be there. The process can be also described as the evolution of thought forms or beliefs. Those who simply want to have someone to talk to and nothing else. People who are seeking higher states of consciousness. We will have to decide whether we personally want to spend our time in this way. have played their role.com CHAPTER 7 GOALS AND RESISTANCE The next step is supporting the subject in defining his or her goals. however. 4. 5. until they are ready to make the change. We cannot expect to go very deeply with these persons. or total freedom from inner obstacles and want help in this process. who are passing through exactly the situations which are necessary in order to cultivate their inner spiritual qualities. Thus they are not really interested in making changes. 3. Also frequently such changes take place seemingly by themselves and not in relationship to some technique or therapy or action. These are our own selfish needs and must be overcome if we want to truly help others. THOSE WHO WANT TO KEEP THEIR PROBLEMS Those who simply want to talk about their problems. Our frustration often comes. even if that means facing the subconscious and making major life style changes. Thus. will obviously not be ready to look very objectively at themselves. and no one can do this for us. Our suffering will continue until we allow this process to take place. while knowing that we can help them. self-actualization. and with no effort of their own. In other cases. is decided by the inner self of that person and cannot be calculated or forced by external factors. In order to proceed.

and whether what we are doing is actually beneficial for us and what we really want to do. We get locked into habits which become our familiar reality. Also these habits can engage our energy patterns in ways which control our minds so that they mechanically fulfill themselves without our conscious support. even though we want to make a positive change in our lives. rather than risk the freedom of the unknown. RESISTANCE TO DEVELOPMENT Other desires Our goal Pressure from others Desire for change Resistance to pressure Fear of change Inertia towards change. 10 RESISTANCE TO DEVELOPMENT. What are some of those resistances? Refer to fig. Drugs can seldom solve the root of the problem. Many would prefer to stay in the narrow confines of the familiar and known. or who do not accept us as we are. all mechanically without being conscious of what we are doing. and then suffers from compulsive acts and thoughts. For example. it is true that some cases such a serious disturbances such as schizophrenia or manic depressive situations may not be able to respond to any other type of help except chemical. I have seen some refuse to finish one last course which they need in order to complete their university diploma simply because they do not want to give that satisfaction to those who have suppressed them or rejected them. Some may be caught up in resistance towards what the others want. drink or a cigarette. in order to find solutions. zap through the channels. Some of us get into rebellious relationships with others and do not want to let them have their way or get what they want. pick up the phone and call someone. It is useful to have these in mind. A second obstacle is the inertia of habit.HolisticHarmony. 1. and we are not talking about those types of serious imbalances here.Life Coach Handbook 35 www. Some of us take this rebellious obstacle to selfimprovement to the grave with us. Although even in this cases. turn on the TV. Many adolescents go through this stage. We identify with this reality which we create and feel safe in even though it is painful. we subconsciously refuse to do so. often resorting to narcotics or other self-destructive life styles.com Those who declare that they want to be well but want others to solve their problems will usually end up taking some types of chemical substances. so as not to give this satisfaction to someone who is trying to push us. we reach for food. or to those who they believe are wrong in their values or lifestyle. these persons need to be personally touched and helped through various means of communication and expression. 2. In such cases we often function in self-destructive ways. They. will have to suffer through the illusion that these substances can make significant changes in their lives. The mind loses it ability to control these unconscious movements. habit . medical or not. until they are ready to take responsibility for their reality and make an effort towards improving their condition. Improvement and change mean going beyond the known. For many people familiar pain or suffering are preferable to unfamiliar happiness. because at the right moment discussing them with the other may generate the revelation necessary for a break through. Thus. Of course. there will be various types of subconscious resistance which we will likely encounter. THOSE WHO WANT TO MAKE SOME TYPE OF EFFORT Even in the case that a person wants to make an effort to get free from his problem. too. or change us. Or we do not want to allow them to think that they might be right about something which they are asking us to do.

c) It will be necessary to tire myself. I must suffer. 11) points emotional might find that a problem is a good excuse not out a number of those reasons. and also with those who still have the habit but want to get free and have vowed to get free. as they are most likely self explanatory to most readers. Others of us have come to believe that we are incapable of coping with life. b) I will need to undertake responsibility for my life (work. I might lose their attention and love. he may fear that he may lose something important if he c. 3. The others are responsible for what happened to me. The security and self worth which we receive from this relationship allow us to go beyond those needs which are at the root of our addictions. and I will lose my comfort. His other needs may then conflict with his original goal. a. b) This way I punish them with my illness. Develop their relationship with the Divine. good. I can control others though my illness: a) They must serve me. I must be punished. Then we come to the third main door to freedom in such situations. These are conflicting needs which will have to be worked out through active listening and also through inner dialogue (we will discuss this later). We may believe that we have nothing interesting about us. so that he can choose what he wants to do.Life Coach Handbook 36 www. 5. This love relationship is the only lasting and invulnerable one. a) I have been treated unjustly and so others are unjust whereas I am justified. support. to tire himself. One who is lazy for various reasons. There may also be a number of fears which may cause something which we fear. I am guilty and I don’t deserve to be well. with responsibilities or with the rat race of survival. correct. subconscious obstacle to solving the problem. and why others must protect us and help us. . This then will act as a one to avoid change. Our problem becomes our subconscious excuse why we cannot face up to all this. physical or lets go of that problem. _____________________________________ WHY IT MIGHT NOT PAY FOR ME TO GET WELL OR TO SUCCEED. Twelve step groups made up of people with the same addictions can also be very helpful. OR TO BE WITHOUT A PROBLEM 1. in addition to analysis. Although one may want too change. Participate with a group of people with the same problem. 6. he subconsciously prefers to have this problem which prevents him from asking much from himself in life. b. _____________________________________ Fig. Being in the presence of those who have actually gotten free from that particular habit. we would do well to encourage them to: a. This may have actually been our experience until now. c. He has the right to chose security and social recognition over his freedom and happiness. is a very powerful support mechanism. if that is his choice. whenever he wants. or need to depend on them. Developing a relationship with God (each according to his own beliefs and perceptions) is a very powerful solution for transcending habits. this might then be followed by something horrible. I am incapable of doing that. Thus when working with people who are held back in their process by strong self defeating habits. and thus fear that we will have not have the others’ attention if we no longer have a problem. But perhaps the first and most important step to this process is one’s ability to recognize that he is stuck and to admit that he has until now been incapable of overcoming it. This faith gives a feeling of protection. If I get well: a) They might not pay attention to me anymore. 3. 4. so as to facilitate his understanding of what each of these needs is actually creating in his life. b) They must not make me worry. we will then have to face life by our selves. Conflicting desires and needs also can be an obstacle to change. 2. survival etc. faith in God. In such cases we will need to help him with active listening. Some of us have come to believe that others will pay attention to us only if we have problems. Thus although he may suffer and ask for help. by placing himself in a situation in which he simply cannot get to what he mechanically desires. One might have a need to have a relationship.com Such problems are seldom solved through active listening or analysis alone. Thus although we suffer from our problem. Find a place where they can live for a time without having access to their habits. we are subconsciously afraid to let go of it. I make them feel guilty. The following chart ( fig. A person may want to get free and experience his own creative expression.). love and deep inner caring coming from this Universal Being who will never betray us.HolisticHarmony. Without my illness I am not important or interesting enough. b. Centers for detoxification offer such opportunities. 4. but he might also desire to be accepted by others. If I admit being happy or well. If our problem is solved. They require a strong decision on the part of the individual and a willingness to go through the pain of withdrawal symptoms. 11 Just a few words about each of these. and on the other hand have a need to be free to do whatever he wants.

because that makes them guilty. Life without our problem is unfamiliar and scary. might least by life if not by specific persons. 6. In the same case they also must not worry me. at one who complains about not having a relationship. are wrong and evil. f. suppression. As long as we are locked into this game of blaming others for our reality. why failure may fear that allowing themselves to accept being should I let go of my problem. You keep on trying to convince them and find the solution. They must never ask me to see such as good and evil.HolisticHarmony. Accept that each has his way and his own rate. 4. the only thing we need to do is hook up to someone who is playing the role of the savior or who feels responsible for others and get them to try to solve our problems.BUT" game. as they drain all your energy by monopolizing all your attention and effort. but are also afraid. control and revenge towards their parents. Respect that what might have helped you. they will have a very good answer as to why it will not work. depression or panic. We are then able to control them and have their attention. success and myself. for example. abuse in order to feel his self worth. In such a case. although he may complain about the problem and how This will be discussed from another point of view in the others are mistreating him. and thus that they themselves are right hurt. he will subconsciously undermine the solution being abused. physical or mental. may not help the other. or ask me to carry my load. because we do not believe that we deserve it. because he has identified by others. People in 1. These techniques based on Body Centered Psychology will be explained further on. g. and thus subconsciously undermine our own attempts to create happiness. or how we will interact with others. Through active listening. For every solution you suggest. Sharing with others the common belief that others create our reality. because he fears it.com such a position will frequently play the "YES . Remember throughout that they and only they are responsible for their reality. Explain these mechanisms which might obstruct the process of change to the other with the hope that he might see them. and thus will undermine any solutions. If you ask such a person to OUR ATTITUDE imagine that the problem has disappeared completely and that that others treat him perfectly exactly as he desires. might bring quickly the protection. It is my greatest asset and happy and free from problems. Solving our problems allows them to let go of their guilt. we do not know who we will be. opposite which they fear greatly. This is the way they energize themselves. some may use their own self-destruction to get back at and punish those whom they consider responsible for their pain. Our illness or problem may become our life focus.Life Coach Handbook 37 www. happiness and pain. then to his problem. tried and trusted problems. something which we are not ready to do. in which they will present to you their problem. Have enough faith in the process of evolution to allow the other to suffer as much as he needs to in order to come to the point of really wanting change. Our most powerful tools are unconditional love and acceptance. 2. 5. If he has no other source of self-worth. try to solve our problem. The wisdom and timing are within him. Or. h. that verifies that the others who do them harm close relationships with the eventual pain of abandonment. Those who have come to identify with the role of the rather than to let go of them and go forth into happiness. conflict. We have no other frame of reference. They must do what I ask and not j. If we do not have it. How can we help those who have these conflicting he will most likely feel an emptiness. . For example many children go into a mode of self-destruction as a form of blackmail. or speak harshly to me. Only they can solve their problem. their self worth is based on being wronged by someone. others must treat us a special way. Those trapped in a belief system of clear cut opposites cause me to feel hurt. Negative childhood experiences can create the false belief that we are not worthy and thus do not deserve a good life without problems. and thus prefer to stay in state of having the known. Through Body Centered release work. we fear that we are not worthy of one. We have become that problem. or what we will do. abused and the victim need to keep their problem because. he subconsciously needs this chapter LIFE’S LESSONS. so that you can get hooked into trying to find the solution for their problem. needs? They want to get free. our connection with all whom we know and interact. 3. help him to let go of emotional blockages which may be preventing his movement forward. They must not ask much of us. This is why it is essential in all cases to leave the responsibility for the solution to the others as you simply ask questions which might help him or her decided what e. The victim creates a false sense of self-worth by such a case. Some discover that they can control others when they have problems. and seeing them get free from them. They they want to do. Since we have a problem. because that might upset me. 7. Although we want to create a happy reality. risking falling then into something worse. In such a case. In and good. d. They must serve us and help us. help him to see his options and make choices. i. betrayal or simply failure. we will feel the need to keep our problem. By being wronged subconsciously fear having one. must not ask much from me.

and then take the next step towards that life purpose. 3." and thus never get started. then we simply work through it again. we can discuss that with a simple I message. we ask these questions about the next step. I will get my massage then. avoid getting into the role of he teacher or parent and simply start from the beginning as above. then he can work on the following questionnaire. or I will arrange to have a discussion with my spouse (child) on Sunday morning. leaving all the responsibility and decisions to him.. in order to specify what exactly the next step is. In our next meeting we will need to ask the subject how his decisions went. For example. address itself exactly to this matter how to determine our life purpose. "I will begin to love myself more.com HELPING THEM SET SPECIFIC GOALS We proceed more effectively when we can define specific goals in small reachable increments." " I will work on my relationship with my spouse (or child). or at least this month. What is the step he wants to make this week? Was the previous step perhaps too difficult. One of the obstacles people encounter in their growth process. "It is too high. which gives birth to our present life question in relationship to that purpose. mental. or in any endeavor. is that they see the problem. 10 & 11 allowing him to share with us his feelings about this idea. When and where will he take these actions? This goes week after week." 4. This frequently happens with all of us. they are there. 12) will aid in revealing possible thought forms which might obstruct our process of growth. The following questionnaire (fig. the goal or that to be achieved as very large or very complex. and then move forward in that direction until we come to the next crossroad and the next question or choice comes to mind.HolisticHarmony. motivation and momentum to develop the discipline necessary. Having then established with our subject his present goal. I will never be able to do it. "How do you plan to start? What will be your first step?" Here we want to get as specific an answer as possible. what the purpose of our life is. The others look at the top of the mountain discouraged. social. It goes without saying that we too will benefit from the same process. Regardless of how far away the goal is.Life Coach Handbook 38 www. Some questions which might help with this are: 1. " I see that you are having difficulty taking action on this problem. spiritual etc. and then put our heads down and take the next step. the only really important thing to focus on is the next step. which might be material." Once the subject has very clearly defined what he is going to do. or transform first?" Chose what you want to act on first? 2. In the same way we must regularly define what our goal is. He still may. When the subject has accomplished his goal. If he says that he has not acted on them yet. "Why have you chosen this? Why is it important for you?" How do you feel that you will benefit from this change or effort? How is your life less pleasant by not making this effort?" Establishing why we want to make these changes produces the awareness. Of course. When we see that the resistance perseveres." We can then read ad explain to him the above list in figs. Does he want to do it? 2. physical. Then we watch for signs such coincidences or messages from within or without as to the next step. sit there feeling weak. I would like to share with you some of the possible mechanisms of resistance that we have observed. I will need to see the top of the mountain or at least know its direction. I can do that. "When exactly will you do this and where?" Can you be more specific about days or dates?" Now we are asking the subject to commit himself to a more specific plan like " I am free on Saturday mornings. helping simply to define and specify his next steps. emotional. When he has not done what he set out to do. More specific is "I will arrange to have a deep discussion with my spouse (or child) this week in order to explain to them what I have discovered. Others just look at the next step up that mountain and say. ." is not a specific answer. economic. " is not specific. What are benefits for him? 4. The very popular book CELESTINE PROPHECY. we then continue with our active listening to help him determine as specifically as possible the steps he wants to make this week. never taking that simple next step. "How would you express your goal at this point? What is it that you want to change. or how old we are. or difficult the road is. Why does he want to do it? 3. would he like to start with something else and build up to that one or will he work again on the same goal? 5. be under the influences of various resistances which may undermine these decisions. "well I think I can do that. depressed. however. More specific is " I will offer myself a massage once a week. It is possible that there might be a part of you which is subconsciously resisting. create. 1. If he is willing to investigate further. attain. These are those who look to the top of the mountain and get discouraged saying. it is much easier for him to proceed and make steps forward. just in case you recognize some even small part of your self in one or more of those. or very far away and thus never get started." and then they are confronted with the next step and again they say " Yes. Thus we occasionally get out our compass to see in which direction we want to go. inferior or unlucky." And before they know it.

HolisticHarmony. Perhaps you have guilt feelings. receive what you wanted from should not be happy. Is there a part of you which prefers not to change or for this problem not to be solved because in this way: b) What is it that you would stop doing because you a) You can keep the others feeling responsible for have been doing this only because you do not have self- . something might be lost or put in danger? a) Perhaps you fear that you will lose: your freedom. Is there a part of you which fears that if you make this change. in general. For example the need to lose weight conflicts with the need a) Doubts whether you have the ability to succeed in to enjoy food. or some pleasures or comforts. your parents? Perhaps you believe that someone else will feel badly if you make this change in your life? c) Did your parents have what you are now trying to What does this part of your self actually believe? create in your life with this change? 2. the satisfaction? b) It comes into conflict with other needs that you have.Life Coach Handbook 39 www. or others attention. and that perhaps you might not be able to cope? a) What is it that you would do. have in mind a particular because: positive change you want to make in your life. or their love. Based on your above analysis. Is there a part of you which does want this change As you answer these questions. In relationship with the change you want to make: b) Doubts whether you have the right to create something better? a) What messages or examples did you have concerning Perhaps you believe that you do not deserve that subject when you were young? something better. or the need for a relationship conflicts with this effort? What does this part of your self actually the need for freedom? believe? 5. but have noticed that you actually are not doing what you could or a) Others also want it and you do not want to give them would like to do in relationship to that change.com _____________________________________ DISCOVERING OUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE you? b) You can make them feel guilty? c) You can punish them or have your revenge? 4. If you at this moment had total self confidence and improvement or success you will then need to take self acceptance: responsibility for your life. or perhaps some rights. or some external form of support? d) Do you believe that you deserve this change? e) Do you believe that it is easy and natural for you to have what you want here. what would you say are your inner obstacles towards making this particular positive change in your life? 7. and believe that you b) Did you. or difficult? 6. that you have been avoiding doing until now? 3. What would you like to do in order to overcome these obstacles? 1. Is there a part of you which: b) Is there a part of you which fears that with such an 8. or their protection.

disharmony and negative emotional and mental states are the result. When this energy is low. This bioenergy is the basis off all physical and mental functions. FASTING . Exercise is essential not only for a healthy muscular or skeletal system and circulatory system. As all physical. creativity and productivity in all endeavors. 4. 7. In some cases. and thus will be mentioned only very briefly here.Some herbs can be very calming and/ or invigorating and can offer an extra boost which may give that individual the needed optimism which he needs to make more internal changes. leaves many of us deficient in essential vitamins. We have seen many negative emotional states seriously reduced or even removed completely by daily exercise. emotional and mental as well spiritual states are deeply affected by the quantity and harmony or disharmony of our energy flow. or else it begins to develop problems. we will best start out with a process of building their general state of energy. in some cases. provides immediate first aid which leads to an optimistic feeling that the problem can be solved. more positive emotional states. I see a generally run down person. HERBS or FLOWER ESSENCES . but also the mind. it is of obvious benefit to attend to this matter. wide variety of psychosomatic illnesses which result from where we suspect that the negativity encountered may also his lack of inner peace. The following techniques and ways of life will aid each of us in building a freer and more positive energy flow. Modern man with his hectic life style is subject to a most popular solution for most people. Especially important in our attempt to strengthen the nervous system are those exercises which increase the blood supply to the brain.com CHAPTER 8 STAGE I . clearer mental functioning and greater spiritual attunement. and suspect that his emotional state may also be a function of his worn down nervous system. I find yoga exercises to be the most effective in creating positive emotional states. Although.Although fasting is in general not the itself.The body is a live machine. Each person reacts differently. PROPER DIET . as we discuss here various ways in which we can aid others in their growth process. however. we will see an increase of symptoms as a healing crisis is produced. How to create a positive energy flow is explored in depth in the book Self-Therapy. Thus. We must also remember that it is best not to introduce others to techniques which we ourselves have not employed personally so as to know them and their possible traps and difficulties from first hand experience. 6.Life Coach Handbook 40 www. endocrine. VITAMINS . as well as the mind 3. but also on our emotional. More specifically in the case of emotional problems. short one day fasts or mono-diet. or not allowed to flow freely through the body-mind structure. but also for a relaxed nervous system and balanced endocrine system. Bach Flower Essences as well as other essences which have come into market recently have proven especially helpful to those who need help in overcoming emotional mechanisms. in which one eats only one type of food. I have seen periodic intake do wonders in rebuilding the psychosomatic system. or grapes can serve to help clear not only the body. and agitated and worn out immune . we must keep clearly in mind we must use such guidelines as a support system and not allow it to limit our free flowing responsiveness to each completely different person. Breathing exercises are one of the most effective ways of increasing our energy level and keeping it steady and harmonious so that we are not so susceptible to low emotional states of illness.HolisticHarmony. 2. be associated with a toxic body. Although all forms of exercise are beneficial. 5. because they work directly on the nervous. with no hesitation. Anyone who has experimented with changing his diet can verify this fact. When. and greater effectiveness. This systemic harmony is essential for emotional and mental harmony. mental and spiritual state. or watermelon.REBUILDING THE ENERGY Each individual is unique and requires that we respond to his uniqueness by attending to his particular path and rate of movement. the B-complex vitamins seem to help strengthen a weakened nervous system. of course.Our way of life in conjunction with the depletion of the soil. A doctor should be consulted. it needs to move. and as all machines. DAILY DEEP RELAXATION of all the systems of the body and of the mind itself is essential to the daily rejuvenation of all the body systems. I suggest a strong multivitamin and mineral supplement for one month. This. A pure diet can bring greater health. 1. This increased personal harmony.Few people realize the powerful effect of a proper diet not only on our physical being. With most persons. however. DAILY PHYSICAL EXERCISE . then leads to more harmonious personal relationships. immune and bioenergy systems. illness. such as only apples. I do not believe in regular consumption of vitamin supplements. in some cases. BREATHING TECHNIQUES are essential for the abundant flow of vital energy in body and mind.

He may create a family. There their negativity without help. 11. CREATIVE SELF-EXPRESSION is much more important to our physical. Man is a creative being.HolisticHarmony. provides for a strong and healthy immune system as well as self-therapy from psychosomatic illnesses. in which we might have to cannot even start to do some simple exercises or breathing begin with emotional release because the person is so techniques or even simple analysis. MEANINGFUL ACTIVITY is basic to feeling that enemas and other internal cleansing techniques. Contact with water is a form of first aid in these cases. We will look into this further . 9 gradually deteriorate. CLEANSING TECHNIQUES . MASSAGE . His purpose on earth is to create in some way. as meaningful or useful or helpful in some way. whatever.We usually tend to later on ways in which to help someone become more start out a program of emotional release after we have aware of his life purpose. and his health and happiness As mentioned. massage can greatly benefit these persons. all the above with the exception of no. so that he can deal with the 10. especially if one is subject to insomnia or intense ups and downs in energy flow so that one moment he has too much nervous energy and the next no energy at all.com system.Many people are unable to overcome emotions which flow forth when he starts releasing. however. Deep relaxation techniques. One can also benefit by cleaning the body systems with 9.Life Coach Handbook 41 www. or a dance. Thus. One simple method is to increase the number of showers or baths. or music. We will discuss 12. massage can be especially effective in relaxing the nervous system. These techniques will be described further on. These our life is worthwhile. that they will be some cases. that if he doesn’t discharge them. The mind then becomes clearer and more positive and the individual can then begin to see what is happening more objectively. which have a beneficial effect on the overall energy flow. EMOTIONAL RELEASE . but all types of massage can help reduce the negativity so that then this person can start to help himself. If one does not see what he is doing effect the mind a much as the body. emotional and spiritual health and harmony than most people imagine. helped the person develop some of the above means of balancing and helping himself.There are various methods for cleaning the body. Relaxation techniques given at this stage of emotional support also serve as a prelude and a preparation towards the various techniques which will be later employing while the individual is in a state of deep relaxation. Shiatsu he cannot do anything else. Various types of blocked by his emotions. Contact with water can be healing and calming. 8. discover the type of work and lifestyle which suits him so that he live his life with joy and inspiration. a farm. It is essential that each person are dealt with in detail in the book Self-Therapy. It is essential for health and harmony and happiness that he create. a painting. Spiritual healing or any type of hands on therapy can also bring about a balancing and restoration of the flow of energy and in this way affect the mind positively at least for short period of time. in conjunction with the above-mentioned techniques. They are so tense. he loses his reason for living. a business. after establishing with active listening the type of expression with which an individual feels most comfortable we might start investigating ways in which he or she can get started.

(figs. THAT WHICH I NEED WHAT I WILL MISS IF LIST THE SITUATIONS WHERE YOU LOSE BEING/ OBJECT/ I DO NOT HAVE THAT YOUR COMPOSURE. secure.com CHAPTER 9 POSITIVE PROGRAMMING Once the subject begins to develop a more healthy and balanced energy flow. whether you would feel insecure. First of all we will want to determine which beliefs lie at the source of our problems. We will obviously want to transform any thought forms which are limiting our growth or happiness. to life __________________________________ in general or to yourself only. substance of event. After analyzing each unpleasant emotion separately we can get an overall view with the help of the following two questionnaires. satisfied with your self and your life. __________________________________ __________________________________ EVENT/SITUATION/ I FEEL THESE __________________________________ CASE EMOTIONS __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ 2. Make a list of cases when you lose any of the above feelings. We now want to decide on the most important beliefs 3. What can you do about this? ______________________________________ Fig. What is the lesson you could learn here? 4. or demeaned or deprived. substances. Although we may help in being centered in these situations? . worthy or. events or activities which you feel or believe you need to have in order to feel happy. health or success. LOVE. we are now ready to support him in the process of creating a more positive attitude. HAPPINESS. affirmed. What effect do these emotional mechanisms have in your life? 6. objects. Let us examine now some ways in which we can attend to this process. __________________________________ __________________________________ 3. Our active listening process will have uncovered the basic negative beliefs which are obstructing his happiness. Now encircle the attachments from which you would __________________________________ like to free yourself from at this stage of your life. in general. We are now ready to employ various techniques which will facilitate his efforts to change those limiting thought forms. Why would you like to get free from those attachments? __________________________________ __________________________________ ______________________________________ Fig. Circle the case which you would first like to deal more positively. Let us remember that a thought form is simply a belief which has gained a certain amount of autonomy in our individual or group mind. It is a belief which functions by itself. SITUATION / ( SECURITY.HolisticHarmony. situations. 13 & 14) ______________________________________ 5. object. Make a list of the persons. HAPPINESS HARMONY OR SECURITY SUBSTANCE/ MEANINGFULNESS ACTIVITY SELF WORTH. These could be in relation to other people. maintaining its own conscious or subconscious existence governing to a significant degree our attitudes and emotional states. imagine that you do not have it and try to determine how you would feel. Which beliefs and thought patterns obstruct you from which need to be changed and how we would like to express our new opposite belief. In order to understand whether you are attached to some degree to each possible stimulus. PLEASURE?) 1.13 _______________________________________ A LIST OF ATTACHMENTS 1. activity etc. 14 __________________________________ __________________________________ DETERMINING THE CAUSE AND SOLUTION 2.Life Coach Handbook 42 www. Try to discover exactly why you need each of those and what you believe that you will not have if you do not have that being.

(This is adapted from the technique taught It must be expressed in the present. THOUGHT PROJECTION It must not contain words like I must. when we have changed. Integral to these core beliefs too is the belief that life is difficult and that the people and animals around us are dangerous to us. 16) _______________________________________ 6. imagine the number three flash in the mind three . Final: e) I love and accept myself in every C. (perhaps undermining your sense of security and self worth or your sense of freedom)? 3. The deeper we go in the discovery of core beliefs. If alone. 4. More Positive: b) I want to accept myself when others A. by the Silva Mind Control Groups) Examples: Negative: a) I want not to worry when others reject me. however. it is natural that most problems are solved with similar positive thoughts and visions. that they will be incapable of imagining or expressing the opposite positive belief. This. Now create a phrase which expresses the fact that we would like to strengthen. will be so lost in their old thoughtforms.After settling down into a lessons? What are the negative results they create in state of relaxation where the conscious mind comes into your life. We as objective outsiders may need to help them at first. Better to be alone unless others are also participating with you.sit straight with the muscles comfortable and relaxed reject me. The body position. love and feelings of unity when confronted with the same stimuli which until now have caused you to experience negative feelings? now inside of yourself. Such a phrase and vision can be developed for each separate problem. inside of you and in relation to others? contact with the subconscious we can begin to project into the subconscious the positive thoughts and images which 5. will gradually show us that the same basic core beliefs lie behind almost all of our problems. Now make this phrase more essential by expressing it GUIDELINES FOR POSITIVE positively and not negatively. which do you believe are the main beliefs which are causing your negative feelings. We will describe that you have learned the lesson. self worth and freedom. More Positive: c) I want to accept myself regardless of B. however. Why do you want to change these beliefs. must be expressed or imagined as in the present.Life Coach Handbook 43 www. however. How are you time. to learn these POSITIVE PROJECTION . This vision. you are free (in the present tense) from these beliefs and There are many methods for doing this. Take 5 to 10 slow deep breaths 7. towards others? ______________________________________ Fig. however. hold your breath while changed these beliefs and after you have learned the lesson. what has changed in your relationship to others? How is your life different now? What do you do which is different? What have you stopped doing because you do not need that any more? What are you doing now that you are free of obstacles? How do you feel towards yourself. We initially think we have a number of different problems and eventually realize that there is actually one core belief behind all our problems. as to how we will be.HolisticHarmony. Experience. What lesson do you believe you need to learn at this phase of your life so that you may experience more tranquility.. and then while exhaling the first as if this state is already a present reality. 1. disconnect the telephone. I hope to or I will. Even More Positive: d) I love and accept myself regardless disturbances.com this process the ultimate word as to the way a phrase should be expressed must lie with the person who will be using it. love and unity with others? Which beliefs will you need to transform in order to learn that lesson (or lessons)? 2. Some. These then are based on the most basic core belief that we are these separate bodies and personalities and thus vulnerable and in danger. From your self-analysis in general until now. The surroundings should be protected from how others see me.. Now take three deep breaths. of the opinions of other people. 15) __________________________________ PREPARATION FOR POSITIVE PROJECTION AND LIBERATION FROM NEGATIVE THOUGHTFORMS 1. All problems ultimately come back to these basics. Which beliefs do you need to change so as to maintain your calmness. happiness. The technique situation. For this reason. (fig. (fig. but without forcing our perception or way of expression on them. should be written in the first person focusing on the forehead. one here. These main core beliefs have to do with doubts that we have about our security. I want to. your happiness. Now write a description of how you will be after having 2. The following questionnaire can be used as a guide for creating the positive belief which we want to strengthen. 15 Answering this questionnaire will leave us with a positive phrase and a vision of ourselves. the more we realize that they are universal and all encompassing and are affecting us on all levels.

still. Some are visual and see in their minds as clearly as we see and go directly from no. Now smash this mirror into pieces and see the old be twice or three times a day. First repeat the phrase in various ways. Those who have serious thought form totally destroyed. The transformation of our character traits. b. images.or your self 3. health problems should consider doing this five times a (thus when doing this after the first time with each specific day. We can offer all these possibilities b. (from 12. Create positive images concerning any other our happiness or effective functioning. function acoustically by hearing the phrases or ideas in their minds. 2.your negative belief . With each number feel your body and mind falling inward into a 1. Getting free from unpleasant emotions which limit 11. Imagine your mental shout c. relaxed. Others. Now visualize. experience. In this 5. happen for them. 16 SOME GUIDELINES CONCERNING POSITIVE PROJECTION 4. sense. Now imagine your vision . Keeping this in mind. Imagine that you are in a place in nature (real way we prepare ourselves to be capable of handling any or imaginary) where you feel even more peaceful and types of events. These will be explained in more detail peaceful. WE MAY WANT TO TRANSFORM BELIEFS As you will be when you have changed your beliefs system. Imagine yourself with inner security and self. and imagine self as would reaching the far reaches of the universe. Imagine however that you are that way now already.HolisticHarmony.com times. Others imagine without actually seeing it. imagining c. when we guide others into deep a. images who are all sitting in front of you. throughout the universe. world around us changing as we would like it to be. Now bring to mind your positive affirmation Still others feel the energy or emotions related to those which you would like to program into your subconscious images. later. 2. Count backwards from 10 to 1.) with our eyes. negative thought form . Or we can work through each process separately. Then feel the reality. mind. Be regular in projecting these positive thoughts and as you were but would not like to be anymore. 3. Together you can decide to which of these matters you 10. subject which you want to change or work on. Now repeat it three more times mentally imaging simultaneously as we guide the other interchanging words that you are declaring this truth to your family members like see. Slowly count from 1 to 5 returning to waking your work on the preparation of a positive thought form based on how you would like to see yourself.want to give the most importance at this stage of the confidence in all situations. Never to be created again. People tune into their inner reality in varying ways. . hear these words. Once a day is mandatory. see self. Now repeat it mentally three more times imagining that you are shouting it with such power that it is heard acceptance. __________________________________ Fig. Then do the same with the number two three times and then the number one three times. feel. We can allow the divine light to then create a mirror in your mind where you see your decide what is best for the soul’s evolutionary process. we will have to express ourselves in a way which it pass deeply within you. but better even would 7. Imagine now announcing your phrase three times others listening to us as described above. feeling it and letting relaxation and ask that they connect to these positive realities. Imagine yourself feeling growth process. It is preferable to envision our own character transformation rather than imagining the people and deeper and deeper state of relaxation. it is best to simply send 6. Repeat it mentally three times. 8. 8. but will bypass parts 6 and 7 4. Feel selfd. like to be. 1. subjects which are important to you. including your self. and affirm your phrase. 5 to no. If this is the first time you are performing this them love and light without specifying what exactly must technique for changing a specific negative thought form. 9. does not limit the other.your new positive THE MAIN SUBJECTS CONCERNING WHICH thought form of your self as you would like you be. you will never recreate the mirror. comfortable and loving with all persons. Check the body and relax the parts which are not completely relaxed. How you consciousness. rather than trying to change the events. When we want to help others. Imagine that they accept . to a large audience.realities. a. Feel self-confidence.Life Coach Handbook 44 www.

then combining three cassette players and one sound write them so that you are sure of their expression? mixer. Bring the d. if the music was not there. The theory is that these messages which you cannot consciously hear. Contact with our inner child. own voice expressing these truths in the first person. Also there are a wide variety of ready made cassettes available for general purposes such as self acceptance. Your voice will probably fall even lower than that intensity as you relax your self in the process. and then raise the intensity of the music so that e. forgiveness. self healing. Place signs in your daily environments so that you see these messages frequently. Connect your tape player to a timed electrical switch and love myself as I am. improving health." or "Your inner child now experiences self acceptance and security as it is. Play one of these cassettes when you are ready to g.com would like to be. Together. Play these cassettes as you play any other to both. obstacles dissolve as you continue repeating the phrase. If we do not have time. subconscious. improving learning abilities. pass directly f. person in which he speaking. Thus. Best close 5. Let those himself / herself if necessary. Make a one phrases over and over to the facilitator as they look into minute trail run to test your voice speaking at a the level each others eyes. Whether the exercise will be done in a sitting it covers the messages. kitchen. allow yourself to flow with these inspirations. When it is not possible to make a personal cassette. The person expresses his positive and cannot be close enough to your mouth. car and place of work. is. overcoming overeating or smoking etc.Life Coach Handbook 45 www. Freeing ourselves from fears: (which fears?) 4. You mix the messages with the music or nature sounds of your choice in the following way. then these are the next best solution. in the beginning. It is very likely that as you are in the process of inspiration that other phrases and messages might come to you." 4. focusing on the divine. the facilitator 3. a. self confidence. Subliminal cassettes with the same messages can be made. Expressing these phrases to another person can the doors and windows and disconnect any telephones. increasing love. be very powerful in dissipating the old crystallized beliefs. Without getting carried away. bathroom. so that your cassette starts playing about a half hour after experience acceptance and love for your self as you are. by speaking the messages onto one cassette and c. Inform any others in the same house that you would not Find someone you feel comfortable with and look into his like to be disturbed. With whom? 5. " Mary accepts and loves herself as she in the morning. to make a personal cassette. In which person the phrases are going to be sleep and listen to it as you are falling asleep. start to introduce the various phrases and visions as described in the projection techniques above. position or lying or both? you would hear the messages. Any of the previous cassettes can be played while you may be more effective as he may be able to express them are sleeping. . If the facilitator is going to make the eyes and express your phrases feeling what you are saying cassette. Which messages he would like to strengthen .HolisticHarmony. you can make a cassette with the messages which are to be introduced while the subject is deeply relaxed. improving relationships. then the subject should lie comfortably and cover and noticing any obstacles which you may feel. It is most powerful for the individual to hear his allowing the music and messages to flow into you. But if he is not yet convinced about these truth. Who will speak these messages into the cassette. we need to find a quite room where we will not be disturbed. The length of time which he is willing to give to this process daily? There is not sense in making a long cassette which he will not use. VARIOUS WAYS IN WHICH THESE BELIEFS CAN BE INTRODUCED TO THE SUBCONSCIOUS 1. which you intend to guide the other.) 3. You will need first to agree on: a. so that the messages flow into your more convincingly. we can suggest that the subject listens to one of these ready-made cassettes until a personal one can be created. Once we have established these details. because the later picks up a lot of motor noise person seeking support. Place them in your bedroom. Projecting a more positive and loving relationship with someone." you have fallen asleep or about one hour before you wake Or third person. First person phrases are expressed as " I accept b. The most compatible method of relaxation for that person? b. 2. There are a few options. expressed. What images he wants to strengthen? volume of the messages up enough so that you can clearly hear them. Once you guide the subject through the relaxation process. " Second person " Now. Design them with images It is possible that one might occasionally change the which inspire you. It is best to use an external microphone rather than a This exercise can be done between the facilitator and built in one. into your subconscious thus bypassing filtration by the the person himself or the facilitator? There are advantages conscious mind. if this comes naturally.

com 6. 8. The quality of the drawing is not important. What is important is that we can externally objectify these emotions or beliefs. we become separated from the old belief. through movements and . which we will explain later. We call this technique Parametamorphosis.HolisticHarmony. Our old and new beliefs or emotions can be depicted visually by drawing them. We can dance our old and new emotions in ways which release the old and simultaneously connect us physically with our new positive emotion. This process can be more easily executed after performing the techniques called the Transformation of the Emotion. We can use psychodrama in order to ingrain our positive phrases more deeply. and we will discuss in a later chapter.Life Coach Handbook 46 www. 7. In this way. seeing it objectively as something separate from us. while simultaneously we connect with the positive image which represents the new positive belief we are cultivating. We can then place the image of the positive belief somewhere where we can see it frequently.

These are some «general affirmations» which should be used at first in order to discover our various 4. I feel safe and secure in every situation. We and inner peace. When our mind stops responding with situations in which we do. . which we are trying to program into our subconscious. You could have none our love for others. The self love and self acceptance and then. will then want to analyze and discover the root beliefs. This is because we depend almost examples come to our mind. I love and accept myself in every situation. Then on the left we begin to write the affirmation which we are interested in cultivating in our subconscious mind. On the one hand they are a diagnostic tool and one other a therapeutic technique. Once we have written it. by the same power of repetition. for a number of days. I feel sure and confident in every environment and 3. and write our responses in the right column. suddenly. and we write it in proceeds. Just as our minds have been formed through repetition. you our common weak points. security. or do not. and again we try to feel and accept into ourselves what we are writing. which intimidate our happiness think about it and try to feel what we have written. we then stimuli and situations.Life Coach Handbook 47 www. Written positive affirmations are an excellent way to reprogram the mind. You may have no answer during four or five repetitions and then. There is no specific number of responses which inner obstacles toward feeling self-confidence. 4. experience a free flow of responses from the subconscious. Without the previously mentioned and you could have more than fifty. 2. for actually do feel secure of self-accepting.HolisticHarmony. We write all of these responses in the right very vulnerable and continuously loosing our emotional column. Some examples are: 1. Again we wait for. As this process for us to cultivate at this present time. Let us see how we can apply one of these positive affirmations techniques. 2. which obstruct a more continuous and permanent We select the affirmation which seems most important feeling of inner security and self worth. Thus we Once you have written one of these basic affirmations first work with these basic affirmations which focus on twenty times. without ditto marks or abbreviations. and then reformed. SOME HINTS Some guidelines which come to mind after years of experience with this invaluable technique are: 1. inner qualities it is difficult to really love someone unconditionally. and when we do our feelings of inner security and self-worth. We are programmed like computers. you will see that behind this variety of external the left column once. If no answers come to you as you write the affirmation. You have situation. negative (see the example given). Be as honest as you can with yourself. and on various external factors. do not terminate the exercise until you write the affirmation the full twenty times. They serve a dual function. then we write the same affirmation again in the left column. everything to gain and nothing to loose. This will be an important clue in your self-diagnosis process. In this way we write the affirmation in full. and various cropping up. you should have after writing each affirmation. feel these feelings. Thus we are not. On the left we write above AFFIRMATION and on the right RESPONSE. continuously obstruct our ability to feel unity with those around us. I love and accept myself exactly as I am. as a consequence. security and self-affirmation. concerning when we exclusively on others. they can be cleared. which then blindly repeat and recreate exactly what they have been programmed to. at each session. Some of them will be positive and some will be center. 3. the same root beliefs keep remember ourselves in various situations. number of responses is not limited. because our insecurity and need for THE DIAGNOSIS external approval and recognition. We take a sheet of paper and divide it in the center with a vertical line.com CHAPTER 10 WRITTEN AFFIRMATIONS Our present thoughts and feelings are largely determined by the multitude of impressions and messages which we received as children. Do not hesitate to write the same response more than once if it keeps coming up over and over. stopping each time to write our responses in the right column. except your illusions and suffering. a total of twenty times.

I accept and love myself even when I am not perfect. If you ask a first grader if he accepts himself at his present level of relative understanding and ability. Thus when we reject ourselves for this negative behavior we simply increase the original cause of it. but (Before reading the next paragraph. he will answer with an emphatic «NO». I feel safe and secure even when I cannot control those around me. Thus. or for a number of years or permanently. whether . our inherent purity. 9. The following responses fall into that category: people.9.HolisticHarmony. When 5. will soil him. based on a more positive belief system. with the my health. self-rejection and then imprisonment in the very behavior which causes our self-rejection.16. I love and accept others regardless of their weaknesses of imperfections. I feel safe and secure even if I am alone. concerning the second category of responses (for THE ANALYSIS OF THE RESULTS example 6. we can then begin the process of uprooting this tree and planting a new one. Thus when we feel impure. much more conscious to avoid becoming «soiled». 3. Once we discover the root beliefs. if you ask him whether he would like to remain in the first grade next year. PERSONAL AFFIRMATIONS The second category has to do with situations in which we do not live in accordance with our conscience.8. which grow into the tree of our illusionary perceptions of ourselves and the world.7. he will most likely answer «yes». I feel safe and secure regardless of my economic we believe in. but As you can see there are two basic types of answers to simultaneously search for the beliefs which prevent us the affirmation concerning our feelings of self.20. I love and accept myself independently of what clean white clothing. When someone is dirty he doesn't care about getting dirtier. This is true for the reason that our poor self image is usually that which causes our original inability to live up to our conscience.Life Coach Handbook 48 www. 2. understanding that we will be moving on from that stage. We tend to prolong our subjugation to weaknesses and selfdestructive behaviors when we reject ourselves for them. what motive will I have to change them?» It is necessary to understand that growth. inner searching and self-improvement are natural human instincts which. I love and accept others independently of their behavior. 7. In these cases we cause of our weaknesses and move on in our spiritual want to analyze why we cannot accept ourselves maturity process. he seeks to avoid anything which others think of me. we want to recognize and accept that we have these weaknesses. «But if I accept myself with these weaknesses and faults. we much more easily have contact with actions which «soil» us. These are called «personal affirmations». In such cases we would like to avoid rejecting ourselves and thus getting into a vicious circle of guilt. However. 2. He perceives it as natural to be limited in his understanding and abilities since he is only a first grader. He is satisfied with himself as he is.12 and 15). Thus it is useful to accept even these weaknesses as a natural 6. regardless of what others think or how we compare to others. 17) can move on to the upper grades in this cosmic school. For example: 1.com school of life and accept our weakness and faults. then we are situation. 3. Most of our negative behavior is the result of our self-doubt. When we can discover the beliefs which how we appear to others and how we compare to force us to become egotistical.4.from behaving in a way which is in more harmony with acceptance. as we grow in inner strength and clarity.5. I feel safe and secure regardless of the condition of phase in our process of evolution.17. then we will gradually become free from the 1. When one has just taken a shower and has put on 4. study the sample simultaneously attend to transcending them. I love and accept others even when they are unable to fulfill my expectations.18. motivate a continuous process of change and improvement.3. to tell lies. when unobstructed. One category is that which has to do with our conscience.2. or self-expectations. just as we are. or to harm others.10. so that we affirmations in fig. Some ask the question. All of these personalized affirmations. We do this by adapting our original basic affirmation to the specific situations which we have found to be our particular weaknesses. I feel safe and secure in the dark. and 21. and feel. We can also use affirmations to free our positive feelings towards others: 1. Thus we can recognize ourselves as first graders in the 8. I accept and love myself regardless of the results of my efforts. I accept and love myself even when I make a mistake.19.

18. 7. Not when others criticse me. 16. 17. Yes. I love and accept myself in every situation. 24. Yes. 4. I love and accept myself in every situation. I love and accept myself n every situation. 14. when I succeed at something.HolisticHarmony. I love and accept myself in every situation. 13. 6. moment. Not when I am ill. 16. —Not when I do not have a mate. I love and accept myself in every situation. 4. Not when others ignore me. when I serve others. Not when others do not repect me. when I feel close to nature. Not when I do not have a mate. when I am focused on the present moment. —Yes when I love others. 12. 10. 3. —Not when others do not respect me. 7. 19. 15. when I love others. Not when I tell lies. 9. Not when I make a mistake. —Not when I make a mistake. Not when I am weak or show weakness. Not when I harm others. Because I learn easily.com AFFIRMATION 1. 8. 18. Yes. —Not when others ignore me. …20. Not when I am selfish. Yes. expectations. 23. 22. 11. Because I try my best. 3. FIVE REASONS WHY I ACCEPT AND LOVE MYSELF 1. when I wake up early. 3. RESPONSE 1. Because I care for others 2. productive.Life Coach Handbook 49 www. 2. 5. —Not when others reject me. 20. 19. 5. Because I love nature. —Not when I am selfish. Yes. 12. when I am clear minded and productive 6. I love and accept myself in every situation. Not when I succumb to my weakness. 15. Not when I think that God sees me. 4. 2. Not when I do not live up to my expectations. 5. Because I am faithful in my relationships. Yes. I love and accept myself in every situation. 21. 1. I love and accept myself in every situation. 17. Yes. Not when others reject me. Not when others are more intelligent. Not when I fear things there is no reason to fear. . Yes. when I receive love and attention from others.

I feel safe and secure even when I make a mistake. I have the right to say no without fearing to lose the b. I do not need the approval of others to be happy. 2.HolisticHarmony. I feel safe and secure even when others do not show me love and approval. 1. realize that our insecurity is not rational and is based on b. Not when I am ill. I feel safe and secure even during earthquakes. subject. Not during earthquakes. Each of these responses can then give birth to other personal affirmations which can reprogram these 5. 4. I am lovable. c.Life Coach Handbook 50 www. 6. c. Live gives me exactly what I need to be happy and fulfilled. 5. and therefore. I forgive others for their ignorant behavior towards ===================================== me. others’ love. By seeing that we are letting our a. present and future. I can handle whatever life presents me. I am a spirit beyond all illness. a. b. I feel safe and secure even when my body is ill. will bring to the surface of the mind both those situations in which we have felt secure and those in which we have not felt secure in the past. we can wildly. I accept and love myself completely in all situations.com directed towards ourselves or others. I love and approve of myself always. I feel safe and secure even when others know more 12. b. a. I feel safe and secure even when I think of money. Live gives me exactly what I need. b. b. I am resistant to all illness. I have the right to express how I feel without getting exactly the same way as the basic affirmations we angry or losing the love of others. Life's experiences are exactly what I need in order to than me about a subject. see some of the possible responses which might come up to the affirmation «I feel safe and secure in every 4. a. c. ourselves and others. a. They are written twenty times in the left column. love others. I always feel loved and approved of. c. Yes. I am responsible for the reality I experience. From this sample affirmation & response sheet we can 3. Not when my husband drives wildly. on the basic belief which prevents a 8. indestructible spirit. responses in the right column. I am an immortal. I can succeed in any endeavor which is important enough to me. I have everything I need at every moment to be 3. I love others and myself regardless of their feelings. Let us look at a few examples. My power to earn grows each and every day. a few negative past experiences rather than on the . Others have the right to say no to me without hurting 2. to uncover those negative memories which undermine our feeling of security in the 6. I feel safe and secure even if my husband drives present and future be controlled by the past. I forgive myself for my ignorant reactions to people. I use my mistakes to learn to grow. I feel safe and secure in every situation. Continuing in this way we can narrow in. I actually feel more secure everyday in every more continuous feeling of peace and unity with way. situation». situation" and the personal affirmations which might be generated from our results. Not when others do not show me love or approval. pausing each time and writing all of our 7. 10. are applied in c. 9. 7. grow more aware. 18 our selves and the world with these new positive truths. more and more specifically. 14. By writing these affirmations on a ==================================== daily basis. me. Not when I think of money. a. Thus we can see that the affirmation «I feel safe and secure in every situation». so as to fully believe that one can feel safe and secure in every situation. objections. before proceeding to write a. 8. 15. I love and accept myself regardless of what I know or do not know. mentioned earlier. 11. Some more affirmations which one could use are: Let us now look at a similar example concerning the general affirmation. "I feel safe and secure in every 1. Not when others know more than I about some happy. we can reprogram these false beliefs about fig. the affirmation again in the left column. Not when a make a mistake. b. I will be guided from within through every danger. We can use this to our advantage. I see myself and others as evolving spiritual beings Some affirmations to counter this would be: and not as personalities. 13.

The parents were always fighting. not capable of unworthy of love and respect. This is an illusion. because it is deeply soiled by false truths and misconceptions. strengthen and deepen this new positive attitude one can employ another technique which is quite related. The parent was unable to express affection. acceptability and childhood. The child was told that it was evil for some type of You may create any affirmations which you feel may behavior. friends. and society in general. In order to 4. Although consciously he recognizes that people around him love and accept him. that you are trying to convince yourself of something that is not true. and these feelings and taken in by a child who did not receive unconditional beliefs became deeply seated in the subconscious. Their parents abandoned them as children. not lovable. he grows up. The child did not do well at school. You may or may not find new reasons each day . There was no dialogue with the parents. or do not feel. or why we responsible. 12. voluntary abandonment. FIVE REASONS WHY 3. these emotions and this last exercise experience love. the child did not feel. feel safe and secure. 9. The parent became ill or died and the child felt reasons why we accept and love ourselves. Make the affirmations in your own words and let them be as 11. rooting out these false perceptions and replacing them with these objectively positive truths. We complete our written affirmations by writing five 6. formed in response to the affection because: earlier experiences. 5. Their parents had emotional problems and released Thus these written affirmations are essential for their negativity on the children. 10. When love from those around him. WASHING OUR MINDS 13. The child was called all kinds of demeaning names short and to the point as possible. Thus each day we write five reasons why we should be accepting and loving ourselves or 7. It is not true that you are that he is not worthy. The parent died and the child interpreted this as feeling safe and secure. Write and repeat them and adjectives. A teacher ridiculed the child in front of others. focuses on why we could be feeling more positive. his subconscious remains programmed by conclusion that they do not deserve love.HolisticHarmony. What you must realize is that your brain 14. The parents separated and the child felt responsible.com present situation. 2. respect or his mistaken conclusions. Remember the written affirmations focus on when we 8. needs «washing». and that he 1. I have seen adults who have come to the capabilities. teachers. He rejected himself. he remains plagued by feelings of self-doubt and fear. even though he receives many forms of We misconceive and misinterpret many events in our affirmation concerning his worthiness. as many times as possible each day for the best results. These are misconceptions succeeding. is actually safe and secure. which you have inherited 15. from your parents. It is not true that you are weak or unable or In most of these cases the child formed the conclusion unsafe. The parents punished the child frequently. Their parents worked many hours and did not have time for them. The child felt rejected because of physical or mental You may feel that you are brainwashing your self and characteristics which made him different from others. siblings.Life Coach Handbook 51 www. help you to reprogram negative feelings or habits.

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Until now, except for some superficial active listening, we have simply tried to booster the subject by raising his energy and helping him to think more positively. In some few cases, we may also have had to employ emotional release techniques because he was too overcharged with emotions in order for us to successfully employ techniques designed to gain clarity on what he is feeling, and why. If we feel that the individual is has absorbed to a sufficient degree the techniques and analysis which we have mentioned until now, we are then ready to move on to search for the deeper core beliefs and their causes. In most cases, it is preferable to start off with written work rather than regressions to childhood years. A written more intellectual approach rather than an experiential one allows us to approach the various hidden feelings and experiences in a more subtle and gentle way, as we do not bypass the natural intellectual "denial" mechanisms which help us maintain our emotional balance. Having established to some extent the stimuli, emotions, beliefs and reactions, we now move on to search for those events of the past which has created those beliefs and emotional mechanisms. have created those beliefs. Every time we analyze ourselves in this way, we lessen the power that mechanism has over us. These reflex emotional reactions can exist only as long as they work unconsciously. Once we make become conscious, they gradually loose their power. For this reason, it is important to analyze each important event in written form for at least the first two years of selfanalysis. Many people say, "why should I write it again? I have done so many times. It is the same old mechanism which I analyzed yesterday or last week." The fact that the mechanism is still working indicates that we are not yet free, that we need help. Our first step is to make it conscious. By writing each and every time it shows its head we will then gradually observe it when it is happening. At first, although we see it, we will not be able to stop it. Then gradually we will be able to chose another way of thinking, feeling and reacting in the middle of this reflex action, before it completes itself. Then eventually we will function from our new beliefs and emotions even before the reflex action has time to appear.

There are a variety of other techniques which can help Some people get disappointed after a few attempts and us with this process: give up the effort. We must realize that these mechanisms have developed within us as race for thousands of years. 1. The first and most simple method for going deeper is They are deeply ingrained in our subconscious. Some will to keep a diary, in which we record the most important fall away quickly after only a few attempts. Others will take emotions, thoughts and reactions of the day. This will many years to transform. We need to cultivate the three enable us to see ourselves more objectively. This objectivity P’s : Practice, Patience and Perseverance. We must will be greatly enhanced if we write in the 3rd person, preserver in our practice with patience concerning the using our name (Mary, George) or the pronoun "he" or results. "she". This will allow us to stand apart from our subjective experience and see and describe it from a clearer 3. The next step will be to answer the appropriate viewpoint. questionnaires concerning the issue which one is working In this way, we will gradually perceive our repeating on. In this book you will find a number of questionnaires. patterns of behavior and the games we play with our selves Many more will be found in the workbooks for the and others. These observations can be discussed with the seminars called SELF-KNOWLEDGE and LOVE AND facilitator, who will seek to support the individual in each WISDOM. case to discover the deeper emotions and beliefs creating As your experience increases, you will be able to make the unpleasant experience. up your own questionnaires for each individual according Keeping a diary is essential to person who seeks self- to his needs. knowledge or freedom from self imposed limitations on Questions trigger a conscious and subconscious happiness or love. searching for the truth and understanding. Questionnaires are an excellent means of self-discovery and self2. The next step for this individual is to learn to analyze knowledge. his most important emotional events with the help of the Answering questionnaires should be taken seriously and squares for analysis. He or she can take the experience performed in the appropriate place and given ample time. and placing it onto the diagram, break it up into stimulus, Only in this way can we go deeply. One should work on emotion, belief and reaction. If one can also remember them in a place where he or she will not be disturbed and experiences of the past which have created those beliefs, at a time when one can dedicate a good continuous block he then place them to the right of the box holding the of time. beliefs with an arrow towards that box showing that they This, however, should not be an excuse for not working

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on them at all. Even a little is better than not at all. In such a case, however, one should register in his mind, that he not finished with this questionnaire, but that he has simply worked on it superficially until he has time to give the attention it deserves. Questionnaires have their greatest effect when we can do a retreat for a day or two and dedicate all our energy to that process. 4. Once we have established specific emotions which are disturbing our happiness, peace or love, we can cultivate the idea of that emotion (such as fear, anger, hurt jealousy, depression, guilt) as a being separate from us. This can first be done by drawing the emotion and thus externalizing it. Thus we are verifying that we are something separate from this emotion. This separation becomes even clearer when we then write a letter to the emotion, expressing how we feel about it and what we would ask from it. An alternative to writing a letter to the emotion would be writing a letter to the part of our selves (perhaps the inner child) which has the tendency to feel that emotion. Thus we could write to our fear or to the part of our selves which fears. This establishes two very important points. The first is that we are not our fear, and secondly that there is a large part of ourselves which does not fear, which is writing to the part which fears. This is an important process. All of us have all these emotions. Some, however, are controlled by them and destroy their lives with them, while others are able to express them in constructive, or at least, less destructive ways. We do not consider repression or denying their existence as a viable solution. The following diagram may help us to understand this.

ratio of the size of the emotion in relationship to the whole. This allows us to function more effectively without denying or suppressing the existence of the emotion. Although, at first such communication might consist of anger or rejection towards those emotions or parts of our selves, our experience shows us that these parts of our selves need the opposite. These parts of our being which feel hurt, fear, anger, jealousy actually need our love and acceptance. Thus, after an initial communication in which we allow any resentment which has accumulated towards these emotions be released, our emphasis should eventually be on understanding, accepting and loving those parts of our selves which, out of ignorance and programming, feel this way. This process may seem to conflict with the methods of Body Centered release which we will explain further on. It is true that some people may, in this way, hide or deny their emotions, but if these techniques is properly applied, there will be no conflict and we will be able to alternately immerse ourselves in our emotions so that we can release them and at other times observe them objectively from outside. In both cases, we recognize and accept them.

5. Another technique is to write the story of our childhood years. This can be written in the first person, but even better in the third person, as if we are chronicling the life of some other person. This enables us to be more objective and honest in our observations. You will discover patterns of behavior which you tend to repeat over and over through the years. You will find the earlier experiences, which have marked your subconscious mind and programmed you to feel the way you do today, even though you see no logical reason at this time to feel and act in that way. This life story need not be in chronological order. You can add each day whatever you remember. The first comment made by many people is, " I don’t THE MIND FIELD remember anything before the age of ten. How will I do this?" This is no problem. As one starts to write the subconscious will be aroused and memories will start flowing forth. The more we write, the more the memories A B C D will be awakened. Placing old photographs before you as you write will help, as will asking parents, uncles, aunts and older brothers and sisters what they can remember. You do not Fig. 19 need to accept their interpretation of the past, but their words may trigger other memories. The large circle represent a person’s total conscious. The Best results will be obtained if we dedicated at least 20 smaller black circle in the center represents the portion of minutes daily to the process for at least three months. that total consciousness which is occupied by a particular emotion. In case A the emotion is a small phenomenon in 6. After writing this story of your life, you can then write that person’s total consciousness. He might feel a slight letters to those who have played major roles in insecurity or annoyance. In case B the emotion has grown strengthening or undermining your feelings of selfand is occupying a greater portion of the mind space. He confidence and self-acceptance. By writing to these now feels a slight fear or resentment. In C the emotion has persons as equals, and expressing all of the feelings which grown and now he is now feeling fear and anger. In case you felt during those early years, you begin to regain your D all of his mind field is occupied by this emotion and he lost power and positive self-image. You need not give these is overcome with panic or rage. He is now our of control, letters to those people. his emotions are in control and he is not. They may, even, have departed from the physical plane, By writing to these emotions or to the parts of our elves but they still live in your subconscious and inhibit the full which feel those emotions, we necessarily decrease the manifestation of your inner beauty and capabilities. As you

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write these letters, express all of your feelings and thoughts, negative and positive, exactly as you felt them at each age about which you are writing. Do not write about how you interpret these events now, but rather how you felt them in those younger years, when those events were your present reality. This is important if your really want to succeed in freeing your subconscious. These letters should be open letters so that you can keep adding memories and the emotions and thoughts, as you remember more and more with the passage of time. 7. Such letters may become a stimulus to write letters to other persons with whom we now have even greater contact, such as our spouse or children or friends. Often we will find when we start to write to these persons who are now more active in our lives, that we are simply repeating the same situations which we experienced with

our parents or others from our childhood years. It is an obvious truth that the problems we have with our spouse and children and perhaps with friends or employer or coworkers are simply projections of the problems we experienced as children. Thus very frequently a person who has come for help with his spouse or child will find himself writing letters to his parents, because it becomes clear that if he does not clear up his feelings towards his parents, he will not be able to heal his relationship with his spouse or child. With the above techniques we begin to understand more clearly our inner world of feelings and beliefs, while we simultaneously initiate the processes of expression and transformation. In the next few chapters we will discuss how we may further facilitate exactly these two processes of expression

Chapter 12 Releasing Emotions

This chapter will be presented and employed in stage V concerning work with the subconscious and catharsis

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It may take some time before some emotions can be transformed or transcended. Thus it will be beneficial to 10. Selfless service towards others in need. be aware of various ways of handling those emotions in the present so that they do not accumulate creating 11. Daily positive thought projection. problems in our bodies and relationships, perhaps even in our work. ______________________________________ Fig. 24 We must, however, remember that such techniques do not constitute a permanent solution, but rather a temporary 1. The breath is a very powerful and effective key to the solution for keeping our balance and harmony. We present nervous system, energy and the mind. Learning to control you with this chart (fig. 24) so that you might locate more the breath, allows us to develop control over tension which easily the method which might help you or another. As might be accumulating in the muscles. As we relax these most techniques described are clear enough we will add muscles, the energy flows and the mind also relaxes. Many of these techniques of breath control are described in the only a few explanations in addition. _______________________________________ book Self-Therapy and a plentiful number of books on Hatha Yoga. COPING EMOTIONS IN THE PRESENT A simple technique for handling tension is to inhale slowly and deeply, hold the breath for about 5 to 7 seconds as we 1. Breathing and releasing: inhale hold the breath for 5 to focus on the area where the tension is accumulating, and 7 seconds, relaxing the areas which are tensed. Exhale then as we exhale, feel that tension flowing out with the letting go of all tension. exhalation. 2. Total bodily expression through dancing and other forms of movement. Some prefer music which expresses what they are feeling at the moment and others, music which connects them with other positive feelings. 3. Releasing emotions through crying, yawning, intense movement such as hitting a pillow, shouting etc. 4. Bring to mind the opposite positive emotion of the negative one which is bothering us. Not as a form of suppression of the negative, but rather as a cultivation of an alternative way of feeling and reacting. Each has his own opposite for a particular negative emotion. 5. The continuous repetition of a word, phrase, prayer or sound which brings our mind into a positive state. 6. Imagine that we are the other, and try to feel what he might be feeling in order to act in the way he is acting. 7. Channel our emotional energy in various ways such as crying, laughter, work, play etc. 2. All forms of creative expression are healing and very effective in bringing into harmony again with us. Dancing, drawing, painting, singing, chanting, acting, writing, cooking, flower arranging and even cleaning or gardening or any other type of creative expression allow our energies to flow, breaking up the emotional energy blockages. We are simultaneously put in touch with our creative center which is directly associated with higher levels of our being. Creative activity also forces us to focus on the present, thus helping us to let go of the past and present which are the sources of our problem. Of all these forms of expression, perhaps dancing is the most immediate and powerful in its effect, as it needs no materials or special place and involves all the body and powerfully releases the emotional energy blockages as we move to the music. We can either dance to music which allows us to connect with the emotion we are feeling, exploring it and expressing it, or we can put on music which connects us to the opposite positive feelings and connect with those positive energies through moving to this music.

3. The technique described in the previous chapter for 8. Expressing our emotions through writing, in first or releasing emotions can be used at any time we can be third person. alone or with a person familiar with this process. We can sit or lie down, go inwards and feel our emotions and 9. Remember that life is a school, which gives me exactly where they are located in our bodies. We can accept those what i need at every moment in order to learn my next emotions and the phenomena which they create on the lessons on the path. physical and energy levels. We allow those phenomena

but every situation. phrase or prayer is another ancient means of purifying and transforming the mind. Each will have to we can imagine how the other must be feeling in order to decide for himself which is most appropriate for himself act in the way he does. but rather focus on the flowers. strengthen the weeds by giving them water (attention). 9. human behavior is a result of ignorance of our true nature Each will have to find his own opposite to the unpleasant which leads to fear and then to all forms of selfemotion which is bothering him. self centered in order to survive emotionally. harmony. give as you walk. as we not only mentally repeat it. but also bring to mind the memory of that feeling as we have felt it in the past. Writing brings forth a higher part of our being which has greater objectivity and clarity. e. Loving for us. Some of us over do it becoming and we search for a name for that emotion. working. The experience will be both releasing and clarifying. while this one by putting ourselves in the others position. When we are immersed b. might be: Words: love. On the other hand. The opposite to fear at one time may Bring the other to mind and realize that behind his seem to be "courage" and at another. we pass through various stages in our lives. release and gain perspective on problematic emotions. cleaning up or opposite of this?" seeing a comedy can help change our mood. allowing that new positive "thought form" to grow Lord Jesus Christ we love you and we thank you. Also. I love and accept all alternative ways of feeling and reacting to situations. workaholics or "laughers" with pain behind that mask of laughter. All exists in a divine plan. We unconditionally . Both our pain and anger emotions. "love". Christ Have mercy on us. of course. . allowing the mind to dwell on it. are all ways which many people have already naturally found a. imagine that The possibilities are limitless. do mechanical chores such as cleaning them water. This clarity relaxes us and allows us to re-find our peace. as we have already discussed is also a means of transformation. this method is also very helpful for coping with emotions in the present. We are all eternal souls in the process of evolution. ourselves the freedom to flow each time with the particular opposite which presents itself in response to this exercise. c. and thus belongs to another category of techniques. We focus the mind on the positive pole 8. d. He is insecure understanding. Each can chose way which they flow out. We allow that new energy to flow through our body and mind. 7. allowing our thoughts to flow freely onto the page in what is called flow of consciousness. we ask " what is the in some unpleasant emotion.including myself. love. Channeling our emotional energy through various activities such as work. When asks us to focus on the positive opposite. addition to crying which we mentioned in number 3. are simply directly our attention to its positive opposite Prayers: Lord Jesus.HolisticHarmony. In some cases. light etc. This also may change centeredness and selfishness. Then. forgiveness. Some examples present. 4. possible we would do well to act on this new positive emotion. as much as. I am divine creation. When we are having conflict with another or are feeling contradiction with the previous one. It is like having a garden in which we have could also chant. (One within us. it may be useful to hit a pillow. Writing is a very effective way for most people to express. The opposite of anger may be peace. We might use our imagination and visualize ourselves feeling this new emotion and acting upon it. are diminished through understanding. I feel safe a secure in are not ignoring the presence of the other emotions. Your choice can be repeated there are no weeds.com and the emotions to expand and express themselves in any which is a point of reference in our lives. Spiritual truths and logical thoughts can save us from much emotional pain. faith etc. I am a child of an ancient technique which allows us to cultivate God. acceptance. and manure and sunlight and do not etc. The previous one asks hurt or angry. We are not saying here. We ask ourselves what exactly we are feeling to keep their balance. where anger is his own phrase and point of reference. Repeating a positive word. This technique may at times for certain people be in 6. play in The exercise goes like this. Bringing the opposite positive emotion to mind is Phrases: I am an eternal divine being.Life Coach Handbook 56 www. Balance is this solution. we can often gain insight and peace of mind us to focus on the negative and express it. laughter. There will be situations in which we simultaneously reduces our feelings of hurt and our anger cannot easily tune into and express these negative and rejection towards the other. in which we have greater need for the one or the other way Basic to this process is the understanding that all negative of handling our emotions. let us sit and simply start writing about what we are feeling. When we are stuck in an emotion. we gain understanding which in each situation. We can allow and probably doubting his self worth. drive. Writing. Once we have named it. "faith" and at still behavior is a small fearful child whose has become totally another. They free us from fears which then give birth to a wide variety of negative and painful emotions. 5.) weeds and flowers. which we would call spiritual exercises. from time to time. Some of these thoughts are: a. We then begin to repeat the name of the opposite emotion. peace.

11. our ego centered life and c. Every event which occurs. unconditionally. My lesson is to love all including myself can serve others seeking to make their lives happier. in which he d. I change whatever I can and accept that which I These then are some ways in which we can handle cannot.Life Coach Handbook 57 www. f. Life is a school in which we are learning.HolisticHarmony. happens in order to exaggerated importance we are giving to ourselves and facilitate that process of evolution. Selfless service to those in need frees us from the source of all our pain. The positive projection techniques which we e. . emotions on a daily basis as they come up until we are able to transform our belief system so that they no longer gain b. Every problem is an opportunity to learn something discussed in an earlier chapter should be practiced on a and grow stronger. what we have and do not have.com 10. daily basis for best results. Each would do well to engage himself in some type of social service.

Whether you are working on simple active listening. negativity. and most of all. doing releasing work. speech. and its cause is self-doubt. The essence of the matter is that behind almost all negative emotions we will find self-doubt. how accepted we are by others etc. jealousy. When others have offered more to you than you have offered to them. 1. worry. What we discover in the answers to the written affirmations can be summed up into categories listed in this next questionnaire. When others ask you for help and you do not say "yes". guilt.HolisticHarmony. hate. envy or any other unpleasant emotion. frustration. self-worth. 5. We have also learned that our self worth is to be measured by what others think of us and whether they accept or respect us. In those answers. ( Fig. of being alone. 25) ____________________________________ OBSTACLES TO LOVING OURSELVES In which situations do you lose your sense of self-love. is the fear of being punished by God. Another factor which makes us fear rejection or not being accepted by others. aversion. of being rejected. cooking. in each case. If we had more self acceptance. In those days that did not mean simply feeling lonely. ignored. Intelligence. anger. This subject is covered in more detail in the book Miracles of Love an Wisdom. artistic ability. These messages then create doubt about our selves and conditions upon our self-acceptance. working on self acceptance will be an important aspect of the work. This can be very clearly seen in our answers to the written affirmations in chapter 10. 3. but rather depends on whether we are perfect in his eyes or not. Our lack of self-acceptance and doubt of our self worth then become our greatest obstacles to inner peace. or increasing the energy. This doubt is the cause of our greatest fears. Or do not respond. The first step would be to discover in which situations we lose our sense of self worth or selfacceptance. 6. repulsion. our appearance. That safety and survival have become so associated with being with others is clearly evident in the strange phenomena that an individual who fears being alone in a house at night. Fear of being alone is an ancient fear which comes from the fact that in that past. 2. These self-doubts are the foundation of most of our negative emotions and relationship conflicts. esteem and respect in a group situation. disciplines. we would feel offended much less frequently. ( ie. Let us now look at how we can increase and stabilize our self-acceptance. bitterness. both of which are totally incapable of protecting him from any danger. We have been brought up to believe in a God whose love is not unconditional. we can see the basic conditions we place on our self-acceptance. making friends. whether we are worthy of being loved. When you have made a mistake or have failed at some effort. Then we receive messages from our parents and other important persons in our childhood years about whether and under what conditions we are good or worthy. discomfort. When others are more able than you at certain tasks or concerning certain qualities.Life Coach Handbook 58 www. but also not being able to survive. When others criticize you. Note down some of the feelings which you might have in the following situations. we are devoting this chapter towards aiding in the process of self-acceptance. 7. their childrens’ success. and that punishment results from His displeasure with us. the results of our actions. how much money we have. We have no way of measuring it. we would be able to overlook others’ negativity and be at peace with them regardless of their behavior. When you are not perfect. . laughed at. As children. disillusionment (with self or others). we would have less need to prove ourselves to others. accepted and respected by those around us and by the Divine. he who was not accepted was ostracized from the group. We have learned that God’s love and protection are conditional.professional success. For this reason. harmonious communication and loving relationships. When others attract more attention. Loneliness is the disease of our age. sports. or going deeper into the subconscious. unloved. anxiety. self. insecurity. shame. We learn from the adults around us how we must measure this self worth such as by how others see us.com CHAPTER 14 LEARNING TO LOVE OUR SELVES The main obstacle to emotional harmony is our doubt concerning our self worth. might feel safer even with the presence small infant or even a cat. we have no idea concerning our self worth.) 4.esteem or self-acceptance? You might feel negative feelings such as alienation (from self and others) fear. This will be a useful aspect of this work at all its stages.

When you are not in harmony with your conscience. say or do that which you later regret? OUR OBSTACLES TOWARDS LOVING OUR SELVES (For situations in which we discover that we are being 3. say or do that which you later regret? Try to answer as honestly as possible 4. self? In each of these cases A. lie or steal. 3. 25) really seeking which causes you to think. Thus the active listening process will necessarily follow another line of questioning. or character types. 2. What would you like to believe in those situations so as to be able to react differently? 4. 27). In this case. I do not accept myself when I beat my child or wife. such as.HolisticHarmony.Life Coach Handbook 59 www. My self worth depends on how my child does at school. When others do not agree with you. When you have "created" pain for others. health success etc. 26 OUR CONSCIENCE The second category consists of those situations in which our actions are in conflict with our morals values or conscience. The first refers to those situations in which we are being controlled by social programmings. When others are able to manipulate you. that our answers will correspond to questions one to nine of the previous questionnaire) the following questions (fig. speak or act in those situations? 3. or when I tell lies or steal. In which situations or in the face of which type of you to do what you do? behaviors. speak or act in that way? 2. Which are your thoughts or behaviors which bring you into conflict with your conscience and cause you to lose your feelings of love. When will you do this? ___________________________________ Fig. I am responsible for the others’ happiness. What is your need in those situations which causes 1. unity and love in future even in such situations. What do you believe which causes you to feel that controlled by false social programming) way. we are not interested in compromising our values but rather in discovering the emotional mechanisms which lead us to beat. 1. in most cases means. What emotions do you usually feel in those situations? 6. _____________________________________ 6. which then forces you to think. 26) will aid in our search for the beliefs which obstruct our happiness. Some fears or other emotions based on false or unevolved beliefs are forcing us to act in a way which does not coincide with our morals or conscience. we can then analyze each one separately as we attempt to discover the beliefs which cause us to loose our self acceptance in those situations and what we could do in order to react differently to those from the present on. or in the face of the same behavior? Or how could you free yourself from the beliefs which cause you lose your selflove? 5. what you do or not do. How would you like to think. What do you feel at those moments which cause you ANALYSIS AND ACTIVE LISTENING CONCERNING to think. 25 SOCIAL PROGRAMMING Once we have established the particular situations or stimuli which obstruct our feelings of self worth or self acceptance. What do you believe about your self. How could you manage to sustain your feelings of . What is your need behind that need? What are you possibilities in fig. How do you feel towards the others? ___________________________________ Fig. For example. What could you do to begin expressing love to your 11. ____________________________________ ANALYSIS AND ACTIVE LISTENING CONCERNING situations in which we discover that our actions are in conflict with our conscience) TRY TO ANSWER AS HONESTLY AS POSSIBLE 1. When we discover that our obstacles fall into this category (which. do you lose your feelings of love unity or harmony with your self? (check out the 5. unity or harmony with your self? 2. The beliefs we are looking for will fall into two categories. How do you feel about your self? B. Such as the following (fig. 10. Our self worth depends on what others think of us.com 8. 9. The following questions are a helpful for active listening on that subject. which makes you feel the way you feel? 7.

The harmony with the laws of nature. even in such situations. it is not your self? possible for us to be perfect as long as we are in that 9. once again. graduate. or about what c. It is well that we see that we are not functioning in universe and thus needs no negative force to help it. whereas if we feel pure. lovable we would more TRANSFORMING BELIEFS WHICH easily avoid activities which might soil that purity. You will have notice that if you have been working in the garden or garage and 15. What emotions do you usually feel towards your b. 27 clothing. The reason is that evolution is a natural basic force in the 1. you have the very beings which He (She. But rejecting ourselves or believing that God rejects change one’s mind. If we analyze those parts of ourselves which function you do or not do. We each to take place naturally and not out of fear or anxiety. and then since we are a "lost cause". God. when will you start doing this? process and thus it is illogical to reject ourselves for not being perfect. Thus repentance does not mean to us and that we are not worthy of being loved and reject one’s self or punish one’s self. We would also do well to remember that the word repentance in Greek is "metanoia" which means to 3. need for self-improvement. It is important that we see those weaknesses. OBSTRUCT SELF ACCEPTANCE WHEN IN Rejecting ourselves is an obstacle towards cultivating CONFLICT WITH OUR CONSCIENCE the psychology of purity so necessary for really tuning into a pure life in harmony with the Laws of Nature. and we would graduates from the university. a sense of understanding towards that part of your self which is already suffering in its own way? d. non violence. A child in the first grade at grammar school accepts truth and right action encoded into our subconscious that he is a first grader and that he is less capable and mind and thus naturally feel disappointment when we knowledgeable than a fifth grader or even a university are not able to live up to those. we get our conscience or higher intellect. The psychology of purity is an important factor in self? any process of self-improvement. ___________________________________ you have just taken a shower and are wearing clean Fig. How could you manage to sustain your feelings of this vicious circle of self rejection and the repetition of unity and love in the future. sinful or no good. 11. partaking in activities which vibrate at that frequency. It) has created with functioned in this way? exactly all those weaknesses and faults. What do you believe about your self. we will be ready to work on dirty. Acceptance allows change where we are and where we want to proceed. As we are souls in the process of evolution.Life Coach Handbook 60 www. In the case that we are obstructed by a conflict with our conscience we would do well to remember some 4. When we do not accept ourselves. live in self-doubt and self12. What could you do to begin expressing love to your e. which makes you feel that way? in ways which we our selves do not accept. He accepts that he is in the first grade and still has every 2. It is also illogical for a divine being. peace. which are imprinted in opposite is true.com 8. This allows us to see caught up in resisting change. A common the face of the same behavior? Or how could you free example of that would be to reject ourselves because we yourself from the behavior which makes you lose your have over eaten. When will you do this? your body and clothing are dirty. when we consider ourselves to be our self-acceptance. you will likely feel a strong aversion towards coming into contact with some thing which is dirty. By rejecting our selves. we create an inner war which can only undermine our actual escape from the prison of 13. then we have no problem with transforming those beliefs. that you have no aversion towards handling soiled materials. or in this same act for which we reject our selves. faults intent to continuing growing and learning until he and mistakes which need to be corrected. 14. This is seldom true. 5. Once we have established the beliefs which obstruct In the same way. Some fear that self-acceptance might weaken one’s thoughts. just self-love? go right on eating more. do well to attend to how we will proceed with this process as effectively as possible. which is a long way off. we are simply augmenting functions in this way so as not to reject it but to cultivate the cause of their ways of reacting. By rejecting them. big mistake for a number of reasons. to reject self when you realize that. holy. we will realize that those parts of our selves.HolisticHarmony. but rather to respected by others because of those short-fallings is a transform one’s belief system so as to think differently. If however. Repentance is to change one’s mind so that it no longer functions in a way so as to lead us to actions which are . What can you do in order to manifest this change in a. 10. have an archetype of perfect love. but he would not want to stay in the first grade. How could you perceive that part of your self which rejection.

"I lose my sense of love and union with others exercises when working with self-acceptance.. we should repeat the phrase anyway about once a minute and allow the subconscious to supply the answer.Life Coach Handbook 61 www..HolisticHarmony. as mentioned in 2. why we are attracted to some activities which we our selves reject.. the person will have a much deeper accept and love our selves at this level of evolution. in the case that our self rejection is based on the myself when . We come to different SOCIAL PROGRAMMING realizations when working alone. that is that they will speak out whatever comes to their minds. "I loose my sense of freedom when." and "I feel chapter 10. us to function in that way. who wants to work on himself. Duration is an important factor for by passing various defense mechanisms. "I lose my feelings of self worth or my self acceptance when. He repeats this phrase over and over again allowing his mind to answer freely each time. realization of his obstacles towards self-acceptance.. Both hold hands in order to start and take the oath of secrecy concerning whatever is said. Written affirmations such as. We can start by making a list of things for which we were criticized as children.. we then continue with the phrase." The same guidelines apply to this phrase." 5.. This technique requires two persons. Some might say.. and then he allows the phrase to complete itself spontaneously." and "I feel close to God when.. If we do not find others to reject us. he begins to verbalize the following phrase.." When this part of the exercise is completed." 4. then we subconsciously take on that role for ourselves... "I feel especially good about Thus. They release hands and the person who is working on himself closes his eyes and places his hands on his lower abdomen... but not OBSTRUCT SELF ACCEPTANCE WHEN WE to imagine they are getting the same benefits. when. and on the other hand... I would encourage them to do both.. These general written affirmations can then be continued as personally designed ones. each has its own very special gifts.." or "I love and accept myself especially fact that our actions are not in harmony with our when." and "I feel especially open and close to others when. "I lose my sense of security when. sits comfortably with his eyes closed. " I lose my feelings of being close to God when. It is not necessary that we have an answer in our minds before we start verbalizing the phrase. The one." and " I find it is easy to be myself when. Each ARE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF FALSE exercise has its own benefits. functions in this way will be the first step towards In the case that both individual are interested in transforming it... we will then want to search deeper into the causes of the beliefs which obstruct our selfacceptance or force into vicious circles including activities which are in conflict with our conscience. It is perfectly 3. Even if we have nothing in our minds as an answer. they would now change roles. Our parents’ voices work within us creating guilt and pressures often long after they have left their physical . but they do not replace each will also apply to the situations analyzed just above. We are attracted also to relive the rejection we experienced a children. while simultaneously we In the end. This is significant... The person should not open his eyes and should continue for the whole length of time and not stop because "he has nothing else to say". This will on the one hand help us understand why we illogically lose our self worth in some cases.. SEARCHING DEEPER In most cases. One technique is Some of the techniques and concepts presented below not better than the other." 3. " I find it difficult to be myself when. other." There are many other possibilities depending on what we want to explore." 2. when writing or when working verbally with another person. especially secure when.. As he focuses there in his lower abdomen. We are often attracted to those things which were forbidden... 1.. as the person next to him writes down the reasons and situations which are verbalized by the other. 1.. that they could do this alone or in TRANSFORMING BELIEFS WHICH written form. Then take as second oath of truth. and conscience. searching the subject. The other has a pen and paper on which to write. He Accepting and analyzing that part of our selves which will also have his list given to him for deeper study." and " I feel free when.. This goes on for about ten to twenty minutes creating a list of obstacles towards feelings of self worth and self-acceptance.. "I accept and love This same exercise could be applied in exactly the same myself in every situation (or exactly as I am at this stage way with other phrases such as: of my evolution)" as described in chapter 10 are invaluable both as a diagnostic and as a therapeutic 1.com out of harmony with the laws of nature and specifically okay to repeat the same answer more than once if it the law "not to do anything to any one which we would keeps coming up. not like them to do to us. The RESEARCH TECHNIQUE for self-acceptance can be employed. we definitely want to see what is motivating this continues for 10 to 20 minutes.".

When I do not have a relationship partner. When did you feel guilt. When they shouted at you or beat you? 2. child? 1. 5. 12. When you do not do what they asked you to do? 3. When they told you that you were to blame for something? ____________________________________ 35. (Fig. successful. If my child is ill. When you hurt someone? happy. or do not A. 14.com bodies. or rejection as a child. health. If I do not have enough money. When you did not get good grades at school? Fig. healthy. When I do not know as much as the others around 7. When you came into contact with the opposite sex? 19.HolisticHarmony. you were no good? 16. With the help of this list one part of our selves is playing the parent who is try to remember when you might have felt guilt. 17. bad child? 20. When my partner shows interest in others. For the others’ illnesses? 5. For desires which you had? 9. When you were not as good at something as the 13. IN THE PAST 1. others were? 23. When you did something which was forbidden? What? __________________ 10. If I do not have _______________________ and love which you needed? 32. If I am not attractive to the opposite sex. If I do not have many sexual successes. When your siblings had problems? 29. 8. affection 19. _____________________________________ ____________________________________ WHEN I LOOSE MY FEELINGS OF SELF WORTH WHEN HAVE I FELT GUILT SHAME OR SELF-REJECTION? I AM NOT WORTHY (Of what? love. When you didn’t help someone when you could have? 16. 10. When you did not succeed at something? 27. For the others unhappiness? 11. When the others were not happy? 12. When the others did not pay any attention to you? 14. shame forbidding and rejecting the child who is also inside us. When others criticize me. When you felt fear? 7. If others. For the others’ problems? 4. If others are able to cheat me or tell me lies. 28). When you did not do well in school? 6. 28. When you told lies or stole? 15. 21. For negative feelings which you had? me.Life Coach Handbook 62 www. If I do not do________________________ 33. 30. 25. When my house is not clean and in order. When you did not receive the attention. 18. When others are angry with me. If I do not have what the others have. When your parents or other members of your family were not behaving properly? 21. spouse or parents are not 4. If I am not perfect. When the others around you were done injustice? 18. 26. satisfaction? I. shame or self-rejection as a approve of me. 28 36. When they criticized you or blamed you? 13. When you made mistakes? 3. If I am not successful professionally. When my children. If I do not make an impression on others. blame me. When you were not able to be like someone else? 37. For sexual feelings or acts? 6. When the others were disappointed in you? 17. 29) Some of the messages which we hear in our minds occasionally might found in this list (fig. 2. We then get involved in internal conflicts because following experiences as a child. When you did not speak out about something which was important for you? 15. or all. When they used you or took advantage if you? 31. If I do not achieve many things. When they talked to you about God and the devil? 9. success. satisfied with me. happiness. When the others were not pleased with you? 22. When you were not able to live up to the others’ These beliefs may have come from some of the expectations? . 24. When they compared you with others? 20. When they told you in some way that you were a 11. Other reasons _______________________ 34. do not respect me. When they told you that you were a sinner or that 8.

What messages did you receive through the others words and actions about the following? 1. all of which. 1.___________________________________ lives. Your body? Which part? 2. Your friends? 7. Psychodrama in which we play out those scenes so as to release them and gradually rebuild them transforming the way in which we received them and reacted..____________________________________ what the ego needs to get free from these repetitive b.com Other_________________________________ ______________________________________ B.___________________________________ sacraments of repentance. or self-rejection when I do not. The exercise PARAMETAMORPHOSIS is also a. Writing letters asking for forgiveness from others as well a God and perhaps ourselves. Your mistakes? 10. confession. Something else?______________________ c.. Once those moments have been exposed by the 5. then we can explore them more deeply 6. 2. Sex? 2. a. Various characteristics (which)? 8. and most important of all our regret for any pain we may 4. Your parents? 12. which frees us from the ego through . We can apply the technique called the TRANSFORMATION OF THE EMOTION. guilt or self rejection when .____________________________________ 2. and holy communion. THE PRESENT feel now about what happened then. This may be a humbling experience. especially for the emotions we are concerned with here. 5. Regressions to childhood years in which we 1. explaining to them how we felt then and how we II.____________________________________ B. There is a part of myself which feels shame or guilt or self-rejection when I have the following thoughts. _________________________________ _____________________________________ Fig. 1. Your behavior? Which? 9. 5. Did you ever feel shame or self-rejection concerning any of the following? 1. Your gender? 4. 3. we might then want to go even deeper through techniques which bring us into contact with the subconscious. In addition to the above. The attention you received from others? 13.. Money? 4. __________________________________ 3. Complete the following phrases keeping in mind even small parts of your self.____________________________________ patterns of guilt. may uncover even deeper feelings of guilt or hurt which may by harboring under the surface. I occasionally feel shame. 2. Your appearance? 3. God? focus on moments in which as a child we felt rejection.. unless you are inspired to do so. Their power is in our being able to express these thoughts and realizations.HolisticHarmony. This is the psychology behind the c. in conflict with our conscience. The devil? shame. 29 GETTING IN TOUCH WITH THE SUBCONSCIOUS Having located some of the causes of our obstacles towards self acceptance.____________________________________ 6. 3. or guilt.___________________________________ helpful here for gaining a new perspective on those b. but this is exactly a. _________________________________ 3. _________________________________ c.____________________________________ confession. A. _________________________________ b. Who is worthy? regression.____________________________________ Then we gain the strength to admit this to others.. will be explained in later chapters. There is a part of myself which feels shame or guilt or self-rejection when I express myself in the following ways: a. Who is not worthy? through writing letters to those persons who were present.____________________________________ emotions and their causes as well as their effect on our c.Life Coach Handbook 63 www. There is a part of myself which feels shame or guilt We first realize our mistakes. such as the following. There is a part of myself which feels shame or guilt or self-rejection when I partake in the following actions: a. Your family? 5. There is a part of myself which feels shame or guilt have triggered off in anyone. where we are functioning or self-rejection when I neglect or forget to.____________________________________ c. This is self-knowledge. Your country? 12...____________________________________ b. Your speech? 6. C.. This is b. 4. These letters need not be given to any one.

com humility. etc. Or it can Usually we measure our be done while looking at photographs or the persons we Self worth by: want to speak to. In some cases. The outer most concentric circle represent the beliefs (3) with which the personality has been programmed. Our subjective perception of what others’ think about us. addressing our selves to are before us. quality These last few techniques will be most applicable to those guilt feelings which are based on actions in conflict with our conscience. Our self worth (of love and respect) have nothing to 7. Realize how we have been programmed to measure our self worth. These beliefs then dictate the personality’s motives (4). The following diagram will help us to understand that (fig. that is we feel guilt because we are under the influence of social programming and also because of our reactions. Our motives depend on our values which depend in turn on our beliefs. they we feel that we are worthy. some for getting free from social programming and others for releasing guilt for our improper actions. 30 In the center of the concentric circles to the left. garden etc. that we believe that they love us and that we are worthy if they like our food. freedom or even spiritual growth or salvation. THE . however.efforts help us to both realize and release what is laying heavily results . 30) RESULTS 7. 8. however. objects and situations which we believe will secure for us safety. TRANSFORMING FALSE SOCIAL PROGRAMMING 1. drawings. The benefit of this process can be understood theologically. The results of our efforts. or outright ask them. activities. thus leads us to actions about which we feel guilty. Abilities give us the right to forgiveness can also be done verbally in the form of position and responsibilities not love and respect.Life Coach Handbook 64 www. evolving in its ability to express this innate divine nature. acceptance. This confessional expression in which we also ask for do with our abilities. It becomes a vicious circle. SOUL OUR PERC EPTION O F: 9. We will search their facial expressions. This personality is in a process of evolution and thus is not perfect. then we feel unworthy. what do you think of "that"? We have so identified our self worth with how others evaluate the results of our efforts. Spirit . love. however. our true being. psychodrama with a psychologist or facilitator.HolisticHarmony. EFFORT 6. a we imagine that the persons we are 2. The soul is. Often. Others’ opinion of us and our results. to make efforts (5) towards various goals.OF THE RESULTS THE OTHERS' PERCEPTION 3.our perception on our conscience. RESULTS 1. We are motivated to seek after various persons.motives .values . At each stage of these efforts there is some type result (6). If we interpret the result as failure. OUR SELF WORTH AS PERSONALITIES DEPENDS ON THE PURITY OF OUR MOTIVES AND THE QUALITY OF OUR EFFORTS. PERSONALITY 5. abilities. Or we can close our eyes and speak 1. Then we allow ourselves to feel pure enough to ____________________________________ experience union with the divine again. we might then be tempted to lie about our income. In some cases our doubts concerning our self worth which are do to our social programming might in turn cause us to function in ways which are in conflict with our conscience. THE OTHERS' PERCEPTION OF THE RESULTS achievements. is the soul (1). house. respect. This expression takes place through the personality (2) and body. we might seek out the persons 4. a failure. HOW WE MEASURE OUR SELF WORTH psychological and vibrationally. MOTIVES 2. thus freeing large amounts of energy of the other’s opinion of our results. These beliefs limit and govern the personality’s life. For example. our problem might be a mixture of both. The soul is divine in nature and is worthy of love and respect as it is. The social programming which undermines our feelings of self worth. we do not measure our selves by the results. BELIEFS Our self worth as divine creation Is absolute and equal to all. but rather what others think about the result (8). pleasure.personality . verbally to a wall. being programmed that our self worth is dependent on what others think of us and how successful we are. 2. or as less successful than someone else with whom we compare ourselves. In these cases . or we might lie in order to get a better business deal or better position. If we have what we think of as success. 3. we will need to apply techniques for both types of obstacles towards self-acceptance. 4. ___________________________________ Fig. affirmation.our evaluation of the results . and inner peace. 8. How we compare to others in some specific ability or and speak directly to them. We then tend to judge ourselves based on this result (7). satisfaction. We cannot increase or decrease its worth. These motives inspire us to act. In some cases. power. The process of writing these confessional letters will 1. position.

we are simply explaining to them that our belief system happiness. Samples of false thought from which you might want to declare your freedom. have chosen them before incarnating exactly because they would transfer to us these ancient illusions. based on our conscious beliefs which we declare in this 11. talent and worth. I have an relationship. as we clear up accounts. b. Other_________________________ 2. 1. That I am weak or unable. or the efforts not our best. then we feel rejection. If our motives were pure and our efforts the best we could do at that stage of our evolutionary process. We would also all do well to distinguish between ability. That I am not a good person. we see these assumptions which we received from them as 5. so that we could continue our evolutionary process. c. A person who is capable is not more worthy of love and acceptance than another who is not able. That my freedom is in danger. as 7. If we want to evaluate ourselves. or simply by closing our eyes and 13. explaining to them what you now believe about those programmings. If they have left their physical bodies. These people are in no way responsible for our reality. Whether or not I am perfect. How much money or how many possessions I have. What others think about me. rather. My appearance. the assumption which we have made 6. we can then have this discussion directly with those persons. but not more love or respect. bringing each into our mind. has changed and that. f. That God does not love me or that His love is with may not be at all what the others believed but. we did not have a clear idea of our selves and we looked to the others to see what they thought about us. I have money. We have been told that it does not matter whether we win. ____________________________________ DECLARING OUR FREEDOM FROM FALSE THOUGHT FORMS Write to your parents. then let us analyze how we can improve them. when we are thinking logically. That I am a body and not soul in evolution. Whether or not I have a love partner. This does not matter. false. d. That I am responsible for your unhappiness or This exercise is called SPEAKING (or writing) TO THE problems.com And if they do not like them. My self worth depends on: a. That I should not follow my intuition. satisfaction).Life Coach Handbook 65 www. 8. i. b. but how we play the game. We must free ourselves from this rather childish way of perceiving ourselves. That I am safe only when: a. friends and coworkers. . but that 4. d. In some cases. Remember that we are not rejecting these persons who have been instrumental in our programming. How much I know. As children . explaining what we now consciously believe. our conditions. or how they compare with those of others’. e. subjective perceptions. 3. I have specific persons who I know around me. usually in response to our behavior or something we had done or created. If possible. or do not show much enthusiasm. We continue to do this with spouses. How I compare to others. My professional position. when you are conscious and thinking logically. But we do not believe it. h. All deserve the same love and respect. The results of my efforts. That I should not believe in myself. 9. That I am responsible for the others’ reality ( health. that we are determined to live our lives from here on in. This is very effective both as written exercise and as a 12. exercise. SOURCE. then let us accept ourselves regardless of the results. Our self worth is independent of the results of our actions and what others think about those results. He is worthy of being given more responsibilities. If the motives were not pure. family and society in general explaining to them which beliefs you do not accept any more (when you are thinking logically and consciously). That I am a sinner.HolisticHarmony. then we will have to do it as we imagine them before us. verbal one as a psychodrama with someone playing the role of those persons. there where we left off in our previous life. g. c. I am accepted by others. success. let us evaluate our motives and efforts. Write a letter to those who programmed you in this way. We perceive their opinion subjectively through our own programming and often mistakenly believe that they do not like our creation or that they do not love us. Other___________________________ 2. souls. We. We write to speak to the source explaining that we cannot any longer accept these restricting beliefs and 10. and even perhaps negative feelings towards these persons. That I am not pure. The following exercise and examples of some thought forms you might want to comment on might be of use in this process. Figure 31. Even worse is that we measure our self worth by what we perceive (9) the others think about our results.

When i reject myself i flow into transforming an emotion. Letters to our inner child in which we explain the active listening.. touch with inner guidance. Other 3. much as possible such release processes should not be 21.HolisticHarmony. Not loving myself means not loving god (him . allow that to be. closing with a 2. I am a creation of the divine. 6. ____________________________________ in a chapter on the FLOW OF TRANSFORMATION. No problem. as we 7. (Later) myself. explaining the objective reality of When any technique brings up emotions in the present things. revert to the releasing process. I 6. we find our expression aggressive 10. We need to be flexible and in touch with our inner guidance.com 14. I am god’s creation. As we will discuss later. Because i love others. 15. we need to be ready to move from one technique to the other TRUTHS WHICH WILL FREE US as the flow demands. It is natural for a being in the process of evolution to have weaknesses and make mistakes. We will probably need fig. _____________________________________ 4.its ) expressions. I am a good person 3. (Fig. respect accept myself as i am . 33) exactly as they are described. to a childhood regression. the child that we were perceive these events in the ways in which we now can consciously perceive them can 4. which might lead to psychodrama.. rejecting or ceasing to love the other or holding them because i have the following qualities: responsible for our problems or programmings. which might lead us am rejecting that which the divine has created. It seems that we need 11. ___________________________________ If on the other hand. FROM SELF REJECTION For example. As . The results of my efforts .her . Fig. moment. a manifestation of the divine. 7. Remember this exercise has nothing to do with 6.her dialogue between subpersonalities. Transformation of the emotion. as i move forward in my selfand accept yourself. 4. An example might be the following. 2. I often accept in others (qualities . writing. I am an expression of the divine in the process of already described) evolution. Regressions of transformation in which we imagine even if at times i hide my goodness. but rather _____________________________________ in psychodrama with a facilitator. until the emotions are discharged. psychodrama. Make a list of reasons why you should love. which then might 1. and then continue with the 7. doubt or self-rejection. Some of transformation technique or any other method being the messages which we might want to pass on to our used.. so as to hurt them. I am not perfect but i am trying. Others’ opinion of myself b.Life Coach Handbook 66 www. We need to be in it ) self in one of (his . which then ends up in releasing emotions towards our parents. including "change the past". we might start our with active listening.___________________________________ and condemning. REASONS WHY I LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF 1. That we must not believe in others. Because i try the best i can. described in an earlier chapter. 9. ___________________________________ to pass through this stage of releasing our resentment.( as 6. I am god’s child .. regression. 31 and fear. ___________________________________ expressed to those others. Why??? 5.. Love is the way to god. Any negative aspects are a result of my ignorance Fig. 3. I am a soul in the process of evolution 16. Letters to that part of ourselves which feels selfThis is true of all exercises described in this book. ___________________________________ way than he does.attitudes appearance) that which i do not accept in myself. That mistakes are unforgivable. logical. inner child or to that part of ourselves which experience The techniques being described here will seldom flow self doubt might be found in the following list. 32. We can very much love someone and feel union with him. Relaxations in which we focus on positive messages concerning our self worth and self acceptance.(Later) 5. 5. Love for all beings. My self worth does not depend on: ____________________________________ a. ___________________________________ also explain to him that we perceive reality in a different 8. objective and spiritual truth as we see it. perfection process. 32 to revert to our release exercise.

while the other continues to affirm 8." The other keeps looking into his eyes and answers. or some similar phrase. I am not this body . feel your purity."." If he you. You are learning from your mistakes. He is now hitting us in our weak spot. the truth is that I deserve your love and acceptance exactly as I am. 3. the more sure we are of the fact." or " You have no value as a person. 4. He cannot ever not love deserve you love and acceptance exactly as I am. The RESEARCH TECHNIQUE can also be used here in a slightly different way. " . This exercise should be done slowly and consciously as we focus on. he can add the condition. We look into his eyes and answer him.. Whatever you do.Life Coach Handbook 67 www. EXPERIENCING OPPOSITION . In this case. Whatever you have done to anyone. " you have no self worth. the nature." or "One reason why I should care about myself is . you cannot be perfect yet. This can be alternated with "One reason why I should respect myself is. The other looks into our eyes and tells us that we are no good. Whatever mistakes you have made were the results of ignorance.com c. You are an eternal. All beings are god’s creations and deserve my love including myself. " one reason why I should accept and love myself is .as I am ." The other repeats the same phrase to us three to five times. the phrase is. and each time we answer him in the above . EXPERIENCING REJECTION . less sure we are." If he wants.. The more calmly we can affirm our right to be accepted and loved as we are. we observe our inner reactions to saying this to someone.HolisticHarmony. 10. continues to reject the other in as a convincing way as he can (avoid laughing). These should be written clearly so that the other can read them. Since you are in an evolving stage. This can be done about 15 to 20 minutes. Now the other holds a list which we have created containing the three criticisms we hear from others or from ourselves which undermine most strongly or frequently our feelings of self worth.my self worth does not depend on them. God loves me without any conditions. but it is a totally different exercise to be able to say this to another person. This could be done between a person wanting to work on his self-acceptance or a facilitator. Your self worth is unshakable and granted. " I love and accept my self exactly as I am." 7. can be repeated 15 times as we look into the other’s eyes. DECLARING THE AFFIRMATION . other similar phrase. " You are worthless.Chose a partner and look into his eyes. My material wealth 8. 2. "I 6. "exactly as I am at this stage of my evolutionary process. My knowledge e.. at this stage of my evolutionary process. The person working on himself looks into the other eyes and repeats the phrase.. 2.. God is unconditional love. 5. or that we are not worthy because of one of the reasons we have written on the paper.". it could have 3. of non-evolution. ____________________________________ fig. Special messages for the inner child about remorse and guilt 1.nor this mind . as the one person mind. As you focus on this phrase." We can add . As we breathe. Remember from previous explanation that one sits with his eyes closed and completes a phrase while the other records his answers. goodness and all the reasons why you actually should be accepting your self. After fifteen times. Or any 4." This.. you cannot change your divine more we feel the need to force the other to accept it. 10. 9. repents. " or Plan for him.Continue sitting face to face.Sit face to taken place only because it was included in the Divine face. chooses. where we usually lose our clarity and self love. Let the thought of total self-acceptance sink deeply into the center of your being throughout the exercise.. " exactly as I am at this stage of my evolutionary process. We take three deep breaths in the interval between each verbalization of the phrase. One says to the other. feel and think about what we are saying. divine consciousness in the process of evolution. The past does not exist unless you keep it in your This goes on for about five minutes. The 9. 33 VERBAL EXERCISES FOR THE TRANSFORMATION OF SELF DOUBT 1. he can add the conditional phrase. we can write down what we felt as we said this phrase. God loves without conditions. My appearance d. God has promised to remove guilt from anyone who that he deserves to be accepted and loved exactly as he is. The same can be done looking into a mirror. My abilities f..

One of the main reasons we cannot look into the others’ eyes is that we do not feel pure enough.This exercise can be done in groups (or if one has enough imagination he can visualize a group of persons before him).com mentioned way. In the same way. We want to hide anything which we fear the other might reject. 6. We appreciate his being. such as declaring some of the reasons why he deserves their love. If there is a microphone. As looks into the eyes of the persons he is talking to. DECLARING TO THE GROUP . We both deserve to be loved and accepted and respected exactly as we are. LOOKING INTO EACH OTHERS EYES . We attune ourselves to his beauty inner and outer. CHAPTER 15 CHAPTER 16 CHAPTER 17 TECHNIQUES FOR TRANSFORMING THE SUBCONSCIOUS HEALING THE INNER CHILD FORGIVENESS AND FREEDOM 72 78 85 . This then brings us into contact with our beauty and we feel good about ourselves. we deserve to be loved and respected as we are. This exercise can be done in a standing position or while sitting opposite each other.HolisticHarmony. without speaking. simply because he is divine creation. this exercise becomes a type of meditation in which we meditate on the other’s soul essence which we perceive behind the mask of his face. In this exercise we simply look into the eyes of another person. without any need to hide anything or project anything. Some prefer to hold hands as they are looking into each others eyes. If performing it in a standing position in a group. acceptance and or respect exactly as he is. as each stands and declares than he deserves our love. without trying to think of something to say to fill in the uneasiness of looking into his eyes. he can use this so as to be heard loud and clearly." If he then wants to add something to this statement. until most have looked into each others eyes. Participants can continue in this way. whom we will stand across from in the same way. that is okay. the microphone can be passed around. all others deserve our love and respect just as they are. Speaking is the main way we hide and project. We can simply be ourselves with this person. In this way. cultivating feelings of being at ease. He stands before the group. The truth is that we have many weaknesses and faults. or we move on to another exercise or time does not permit. We can stay about 15 to 25 minutes as we focus on letting go of all The following Chapters will be presented in following parts of this handbook. he declares to the group " I am worthy of your love and acceptance exactly as I am. however. 5. filling his body and mind with light. as we seek to really feel that we deserve to be loved even when confronted with those criticisms which until now triggered our self-doubt. but as souls in the process of evolution. All of what is said above concerning cultivating feelings of love and openness hold here. Then he starts on the next phrase which we have written. We are gradually encouraged to develop feelings of oneness and eventually to open our hearts and feel love energy flowing out of our heart center. He can.Life Coach Handbook 68 www. rest on the fact that he deserves their love and respect regardless of any attributes of achievement. When done in sitting position. In this way we come to face our weak points in self-acceptance. we can then silently hug that person and then move on until we find another person. This exercise should be done slowly and consciously. We simply look into the other’s eyes. and we want to project whatever we feel might impress him.

in life Rejection from others Being laughed at by others Criticism Loneliness Financial insecurity Others’ aggressiveness The dark The unknown God or his punishment Loosing your freedom Loosing your self worth Conflicts with others The sea. rage. aggressiveness. denial. Add whichever others you can think of. boats Elevators. planes. We then out of fear try to create some illusion of security by establishing a security base comprised of people. anxiety. jealously etc. violence. and situations cause you to feel fear or its various other . which causes us to identify with our bodies and personalities. 45) Of the most common objects of fear which he have observed over the years. Remember that fear can be expressed as a variety of emotions such as: insecurity. at school.Life Coach Handbook 69 www. The various expression of fear have different names such as insecurity. We fear others who might take these from us. panic. cockroaches Dogs. Behind every negative emotion there is some hidden fear. Please make a list of fears which may exist in your conscious or subconscious mind. Remember that you may not consciously feel a fear but that it may a subconscious fear . fear. We fear not having what we need in order to feel our security. money. These basic fears can be expressed in unlimited ways according to each persons specific mental mechanisms. We fear losing these when we have them. FEAR Let us start with the mother of all emotions from which all unpleasant emotions are born. decay or change and we are again fearful. mice. weakness. We may lose them through death. rats. confusion. small places Large gatherings of people To travel by your self To lose your sanity To be rejected in a love relationship The opposite sex Microbes and dirty things Others_________________________________ ____________________________________ Fig. inability.check out your inner child. paralysis. confusion. examining superficially the psychology of each. anxiety. hysteria. rejection towards others or our selves. _____________________________________ DISCOVERING AND OVERCOMING OUR FEARS Fear is our greatest obstacle towards happiness. Believing that we are these bodies and personalities. hate. We fear change which might make them disappear We fear death which means losing all this. Fear itself is born from ignorance of our true nature. anger. hate. that we might not be able to keep all of these.HolisticHarmony. weakness. We will present to you here some common fears to help you out. Here is a list (fig. success. paralysis. uncomfortable. peace of mind and harmonious relationships. Just a few words will be said about each. 45 Below we supply you with a list of techniques (fig. inability. beings. self worth and satisfaction. shock. panic. objects and professional and social positions etc. 46) with which we can overcome fear. Let us search out these fears and liberate ourselves from them. We have selected these few out of list of hundreds of fears which we have compiled through questionnaires. we then fear because we know that they are vulnerable and mortal. Your death Sudden death by accident Death of a loved one Illness Being paralyzed Growing old War Earthquakes Snakes. We will look a few of them briefly. worry. hysteria. In each case write the emotions which you might feel when in contact with the following. uncomfortable. worry. Then we experience the second level of fear. depression. aggressiveness.com CHAPTER 18 GETTING TO KNOW THE EMOTIONS It will be useful to dedicate a chapter to understanding some of the most common happiness and peace destroying emotions. heights. depression. fear. violence etc. in relationships. _____________________________________ METHODS FOR OVERCOMING FEAR Once you have established which objects. cats Failure at work. anger. growth. as the subject is covered in detail in the book THE PSYCHOLOGY OF HAPPINESS. denial. fires Cars. shock.

Perfect spiritual love without need. which began to guide me and determine my life. Now create a program of how you will work on freeing your self from the fear (s) which presently obstruct to the greatest degree your happiness. born in his system. The ambience within the family. 2. 3.Life Coach Handbook 70 www. Mentally approaching that which i fear through positive imagination techniques. man at the age of 25 after occasional periods of being held in a psychological clinic. drawing it. but you fell on fertile ground and found the right conditions and grew so as to threaten everything for me. reliving past events with the knowledge of the present. Now I don't need you any more. I thank you for chasing me. meditation etc. with God's help I more or less came to understand how you were born and how later you became so huge you broke up my existence. Consider the following possibilities and note in each case which fears might be overcome with each approach. Group discussions in which we share our thoughts with others and listen to theirs. the divine plan and in my self as an immortal being. Knowledge of the truth of our spiritual self. you engendered violence and aggression.HolisticHarmony. health. This is very helpful in being able to ______________________________________ objectify it when we observe it. 9. The seed that bore you may come from previous lives. 7. as we proceed together to free ourselves. 1. I can see you as a huge piranha with innumerable black tentacles. In this ceaseless running you imposed and forced on me I have been running on many evil and dangerous rods. relaxation. that which fears nothing. dialoguing with it. _____________________________________ Fig. Although I have tasted death because of you and am still in pain. a prisoner. Try it. _____________________________________ Most of the above should be self-explanatory by now. Transformation regressions to past experiences. By studying that which we fear and becoming familiar with it. The same can be done by writing to the part of ourselves which fears. exercise. 8. My real self is beginning to grow. I am already certain that you are low in the sky and some day will no longer exist. With the ever. and perhaps things still unknown to me and yet to come. is strong and serene. harmony or effective functioning. or speaking to it. I want you to understand that this light is divine and will gradually illuminate every nook and cranny of my being. breathing. slowly but steadily. 10. Go away. He has understood his fear well 1. So I thank you for bringing me so far to protect me. 47 1. increasing contact with it and becoming gradually accustomed to it.com manifestations. you overfed my ego and almost destroyed me. I am afraid even when you are not there. Keeping up a high level of energy. 2. 5. There is no doubt that if it weren't for you I would not be escaping to find new horizons. all that was food to you. an entity close to the form of death. you distorted my ideas. but you hugged me dangerously tight. 3. By gradually approaching that which i fear. There is a slight difference. On the dark paths I had taken I suddenly saw in the sky a star like a flickering candle. Now that you have gone into orbit and are low in the sky so that soon you will sink. you can begin to determine how you would like to approach and transcend this fear. 11. through proper diet. the places where you are now. As for you. you grew metastasis in every part of my being to such a degree that at the sound of your name alone I am terrified. As time goes by. I thank God that with His help I dare to face you. He speaks of coming to understand how this fear was and his letter will help us also understand ours. this star will shine more brightly and make by progress surer. I think I know quite a lot about you. I know you originally came to protect me. I say that you are low in the sky because you still hold me captive. A LETTER ADDRESSED TO FEAR (Sample from a 25-year-old who used to attend the seminar) Dear Fear. We can then perceive it as . 47) Written by on young coming to terms with it.increasing light I shall beam onto you will begin to disappear . dancing it etc. Objectifying the fear by writing a letter to it. the dwellings you find and the reality in which you flourish are all nothing but delusion. 4. In the end like a ghost you began to haunt me always and everywhere. traumatic experiences. Faith in God. rather than writing to the fear it self. Let This letter teaches some important points about fear and us share with you a letter (fig.seeking another dark place in the shadows. Transforming the form of the fear in the subconscious 6.

What the divine plan brings may be pleasant or painful. but it will be what is best. but they simply have not ignorance and lack of love. They are protected. Each will find his own balance between projecting positively that what we fear will not happen and accepting that we will be fine even if it does happen. drawing it.I may die or be done to harm to. problems so as to grow. Transforming the form of the fear in the subconscious 5. be the results of those efforts. writing to the emotion it self.HolisticHarmony. believing that the divine plan will always bring to them exactly what they need for the evolutionary process. in order to grow spiritual. invulnerable spiritual nature. Transformation regressions to past experiences. there are 2. GENERAL APPROACH FOR ALL EMOTIONS Thus the basic questions for getting free from fear are: 1. in the end. 2. I will not be loved and accepted. we will almost and ephemeral happiness. Dialoguing with personas or parts of ourselves which have these emotions . 1. This also facilitates Most people. loneliness. alone.Life Coach Handbook 71 www. all other solutions are temporary. Positive projection concerning those matters which concern us. breathing. I will not be safe . insecurity. for fear can exist only darkness. 8. He gives it a form "huge piranha". sustenance. them. plan and in our immortal. This should not be confused with fatalism. protection and guidance all definitely mechanism. " And if that happens. Try it. through proper diet. He understands that at first the fear was a protective creation. We are required by the vary nature of our being and by the laws of evolution to actively seek to create the most positive reality we can for ourselves. Concerning this we must avoid two traps. in order to awaken spiritually. but they will not protect us from the events which we must pass through 4.com something separate from us. which was programmed into society as a whole. The protection is for evolution and not simply for survival and comfort When working with other emotions. 7. I will feel emotional pain. "What do I imagine is going to happen to me if what (Refer to this chart for guidelines as to how to proceed I fear happens? or What do I imagine is going to happen each time you are working with emotions) to me if what I fear may not happen actually does not In addition to the various specific questions which will happen?" be given below for analyzing specific emotions. I will suffer emotional. Ask if there are any spiritual truths which can help us others and listen to theirs. there are two basic 2. confront the fears behind those is to create the belief that we must have problems and tests emotions. understood the purpose of this protection. exist. Once we arrive at such basic answers. especially the fears of rejection. dialoguing with it. reliving past events with the knowledge of the present. The second trap we must avoid always have to. otherwise life would not be possible. as we proceed together to free believe that something like this will not happen. There is a slight difference. I will be totally 1. This has the advantage that we go to the core of our being and realize that we will be able to survive (even death) and continue and be okay whatever happens. Objectifying the emotion by writing a letter to it. ______________________________________ Until we become sure of these. our family and 4. what will happen to me?" This some other techniques which are universally beneficial question is repeated over and over each time asking what and can be employed. and should be as much as possible we fear will happen "if the worse that we fear happens?" in all cases. that he can find healthier forms of protection. He realizes now that he does not need it for protection. dancing it b. He also realizes that he can heal this part of himself protected and that nothing unpleasant will ever happen to by sending love and light. We do not give up the efforts. directions: exercise. relaxation. meditation etc. Keeping up a high level of energy. Although this is often the case. What we are accepting without fear will us at some certain moment. Divine 3. do not have such unshakable faith objectifying and distancing it. Ask if we can accept even that final possibility which until now is unacceptable for us at this point 3. of the loss of what is important to us including it is not always the case and one should not seek out our freedom. 6. however. d. but that it then got out of control. I may lose the freedom of movement and not be able the part of ourselves which has that emotion. or speaking to it. Psychodrama and reverse psychodrama with those who are related in some way to those emotions. We also grow through happiness The basic solution for all fears is faith in God. etc. Some chose the second. Group discussions in which i share my thoughts with 2. rather than care for myself or satisfy my needs. ourselves. the divine and pleasant experiences. The same can be done by writing to or dialoguing with c. The first is to avoid weakening the faith in those who believe they are 5. that is to try to mentally accept the worst without projecting it will. in our immortal and divine nature and thus are better off strengthening their faith in Divine protection. They very briefly are: This will ultimately lead us to a few basic answers such as: a.

Prayer. The beliefs 4. We are anxious because we fear that we will not have the time to complete what we have planned or that the result will not be successful. ultimately. For this reason. the divine plan and in ourselves to think in this way?" as an immortal being. That "something" could have to do with ourselves. and perhaps even sleep on negative thoughts?" 9. that you are getting something out of this.PAIN 8. then continues to be obsessed in this way often searching for things to have anxiety or worry about even when there is nothing really important to be concerned with. We have associated our security. Anxiety often has to do with the factors of time and results. 7. society. Anxiety and worry then become addictive mental mechanisms which seek to find matters to have anxiety and worry about. 48 ANXIETY . Perfect spiritual love without need.HolisticHarmony. or life as 5. through our attachment to them. breathing techniques. although obviously forms of fear. such persons would do well to employ a program of exercises. The mind which learns this type of functioning as a child. has to do with ourselves. . " How often do you have these feelings?" HURT . 10.WORRY Anxiety and worry.BITTERNESS INJUSTICE . " Do you want to have anxiety or to worry?" "If not. our children. "What do you fear will happen if this matter does not behind these feelings are that "we need to have that which turn out as you want it to?" What will you not be able to we are not getting".Life Coach Handbook 72 www. " Which beliefs will you need to change in order to believe that even in the possible case that things do not happen as you want them to. when in reality that it is not so important to us. what might be the gain?" 14. time. "Which beliefs make you feel that life will be such a 12. have become so common that it is worth looking at them briefly separately. that you will survive and will again be happy?" 12. perhaps meditation and of course a healthy diet and creative expression. parents or spouse. disaster if this does not turn out the way you want?" _____________________________________ Fig. bitter or injustice because we have not received the behavior we expected or believe we deserve. " If there were a part of your self which actually wanted to keep worrying. "Are these subjects really so important to you? Are you These feelings usually come when we cannot get what so afraid that you will be lost or destroyed if they do not we want. We may wonder at times why our mind is thinking so much about a particular matter. Learning to accept the until now unacceptable. why might it want that. perfect or acceptable to the others. We turn out as you want them to?" feel hurt. Also one can employ here the technique of dialoguing with the emotion or the part of ourselves which has the emotion. God. "Why do you doubt that this matter will turn out as you want it to?" " What programming or beliefs cause you 11. want it to. handle?" "What will be unbearable for you?" satisfaction. We worry often for the same reasons. freeing him from the need to have these negative thoughts. that you will be okay. "Does your anxiety or worry help you to solve the problem or function more effectively so as to get the result the you want.ABUSED . need or feel that we have the right to have." If in actuality this matter does not turn out as you whole.com 9. Refer to the above chart "General Approach". but also when we fear that something may not turn out as we want it to. perhaps you feel safe in this role?" 13. These activities will help reorganize the energy patterns. how long do you think it will take you to refind you peace and happiness?" 6. which of course. "Which beliefs will you need to change in order to think more positively in these cases and be more sure that things will turn out as you want them to?" 11. or does it cause your mind to waste energy. creating anxiety and worry. creating space in the body and mind for peace and positive thoughts. self worth or freedom with something which we are not getting from persons. then you the facilitator can help formulate this communication with active listening and then psychodrama and reverse psychodrama. faith in god. Making a program for action towards changing things so that they are more like we want them to be. Some questions which might be useful here are: 1."What are the matters about which you have anxiety or worry?" 2. " Is it possible that you might not want to stop worrying. deep relaxation with positive projection. " Is there anything which you would like to express to others concerning these matters?" If there is a need for communication. 3. why not?" " Why would you prefer not to think in this way? What are its negative effects your life?" 10.

message (explained later) what is going on in those who he feels are harming him or and go on to psychodrama and / or reverse psychodrama. most often one of the do you need to take. then continue active very useful. This.com Here we need to direct our questioning towards: 1. others. "What do you lose if things are not as you expected. (This will be discussed later). from Life. or God to be that way? " 3. "What were you expecting here (from yourself. Which beliefs do you need to change in order to feel b. It is a combination of being dissatisfied feel cheated when we they are not fulfilled. but we also feel unable to do We make promises and myths in our minds.Life Coach Handbook 73 www. in which the subject expresses these feelings how you feel when they do not give this to you?" and needs to the facilitator imagining that he is the person(s) who we wants to communicate with. as well as disappointment and other person.?" 2. "Can you accept that you. And even more common. In the case that the problem is with their own selves. 9. at the 2. "What is it that you believe that you must have here in order to be happy?" need it? Why exactly do you need yourself. and then anything about it. so as to more actively insure that you actions will be to communicate more effectively and and / or others are more dedicated to fulfilling your assertively to those around us. "What will happen if you yourself do not live up to your self. Beliefs which I need to change in order to be able to useful to have patience concerning the gradual accept what life is giving me. our active listening should go into depth about exactly what the subject wants to express 10. In such a case. that it is also a. it is unlikely that . the nothing is important.HolisticHarmony. This can also be done in the form of a you expect of them and why you need that from them and psychodrama. " Can you think of a way to internally create what you that. we feel Depression is a state in which as above we are not getting disappointed and disillusioned in ourselves. In the case that this question brings forth the need to In such a case then reverse psychodrama may also be communicate with some persons. and/ or others. God and life. the others and all of creation two basic categories of answers: are in a process of evolution. "Have you clearly communicated to the others what to these persons. Beliefs which I need to change in order to initiate safe and or worthy when you and/ or others cannot live various actions and changes of behavior so as to create up to your expectations. "DIALOGUING" written or verbal between that part with Also refer to the above chart "General Approach". doing him injustice. One gradually gives up more and more activities and responsibilities because he feels that 1. When things do not happen the way we expected.DISCOURAGEMENT into psychodrama in which the facilitator takes on the role of one of the subpersonalities and enters in to the dialogue. life. when we do not have the results we want from life. what we want from life. "Whose expectations are these? Do they remind you 3. 8. more effectively what I need and want from life. are often preparatory states for change. but feeling totally powerless The questions which us interest here are: to do anything about it. The specific subject of the loss of a loved one to death or then you can continue with the technique called divorce will be covered in the next chapter. we have created expectations concerning ourselves. or more often. with ourselves. "Why are you expecting that? Do you feel that you start of the conscious growth process. is disappointed and the part which supposedly has disappointed. even if they never change. what we need and expect expectations?" from them. and / or actions In the case of the second category. "Can you believe that life gives you exactly what you of anything you heard as a child?" need in order to continue your evolution and that it is giving you now exactly what you need? If you can accept 6. and thus while it is useful to have the image of how you want us all to be. so that the subject can be helped to understand listening concerning their I . when others are not who we DEPRESSION expected them to be. then why is life giving this situation concerning which need even when you or others cannot be what you you are not happy? What is life asking you to do here?" expected?" The answers to this last series of questions will lead to 7.no This will be explained) disappointments". and be happy with things as manifestation of those ideals?" they are. if you do not have it?" your expectations?" "Are you?" 5. others or God. others. "Why do you need it?" What will be missing from you 4. These emotions come from the fact that Refer to the above chart "General Approach". " no appointments . If one does not become dissatisfied with what exists. from God)?" disillusionment. As a wise teacher once said. "Which beliefs do you need to change. In some such DISAPPOINTMENT cases it may be useful for the facilitator to turn the dialogue DISILLUSIONMENT .

who have started a spiritual path. The fear that we may not be safe 5. serve. the subject would benefit greatly by employing a daily 2. or with any outcome. as a woman) only if there is at least one person whom loves only me and no As you can see these questions which we have added in the one else.Life Coach Handbook 74 www. fast etc. EVOLUTION Thus the problem of envy and jealousy will be solved when or SERVICE. and in the case of a spouse. we thus envy others for traits or achievements which we wish we had. Each person’s life purpose will be in some way related to CREATIVITY. This happens when we have identified our survival. We might just add a few to those already listed: 1. would be helpful in the 3. In such a case we probably believe that we will be more respected and admired or considered more successful if we had those traits. have been lead there through these three emotions. Is there anything you would like to communicate with the others concerning what you are feeling?" We can then move on to the I messages psychodrama. JEALOUSY . 4. "What do you believe about yourself which makes you case of all emotions. as a man. If he loves anyone else. happy just as you are. Only then can I be sure that he will always be with me when I need him. " What is it that the other has (internally or externally). sexual contact. " What would you do with those powers?" security. children or friends. what the other has or is?" 5. a reason for living and which you would like to have or believe you must have in creating. of course. spouse. gives his life a 1. order be happy?" Because depression is also often an energy phenomenon. sense of meaning and self worth. the way he loves me. I am worthy (as a person. breathing techniques. deep relaxation it and what do you lose if you do not?" and eventually meditation as well as a healthy diet and creative activities. want to have what the other has. life principles. In the other situation we cannot accept what we have or . some persons may also need to seek pharmaceutical help. and thus feel jealous towards those who have it or perhaps are taking it from us (such as love or attention from our parents. Feeling that one’s presence is useful to those around him.HolisticHarmony. I am not safe alone.) We are mostly jealous about being given exclusivity of an important person’s love and attention.) 6. to his ideals and life purpose. We might also feel anger at this other being who is now getting what we were getting until now and still desperately want. " If you had enough money to survive simply but comfortably for the rest of your life and were free to spend your time according to your values and needs. or that our self worth will be lost or severely diminished if he or she shows love to others 6. "Why do you need that? What do you gain if you have program of exercise. and reverse psychodrama. This is one of the major emotions we experience when a newborn sibling enters the family and our exclusivity or percentage of attention is lost or diminished. The emotion may not be pure. The 3. Some questions which will help. what would you do with your time?" The beliefs behind these fears are: 1. This. Thus the analysis is very much the same with the questions just above. if all 4. "What would you have liked to have done with your life before you die?" do not have. 7. "What is important to you?" What do you care about? Who do you care about?" 2. satisfaction and self worth with that other person’s attention.com there will be motivation for major changes. "Which beliefs do you need to change in order to be else fails. and especially service. 2.ENVY These two emotions are born from our lack of acceptance of who we are and what we have. regardless of Refer to the above chart "General Approach". I am safe only if I have someone who loves only me. Most people. " If you could have some special powers above the same happens when one fears that his or her spouse may average person. then case of Depression are designed to help the subject connect I lose my self worth. This can also happen on the spiritual path in which one can envy the other for his ability to meditate. but it may instigate beneficial energies if they are directed towards selfimprovement. what would they be?" be interested in someone else. without thinking of making money. Seek to help the subject discover where he we free ourselves from the doubts about our safety and self might be interested in aligning this life to these three basic worth. " What role would you like to play in that ideal world?" creates what we call jealousy. "Which beliefs do you need to change in order to more effectively manifest in your self or for yourself what you envy or are feeling jealous about?" (We must not ignore the possibility that the subject envies something because the time has come in his evolution process to seek that. or be like the other?" Also because some cases of depression may also What will happen is that does not happen?" be affected by the blood chemistry. One situation is that by not accepting ourselves as we are. " What is your vision of an ideal world?" without the other.

we cannot keep company with just anyone. "Which beliefs do you need to change here in order to be able to accept being alone?" " How will you change these 5. "What do you believe in those situations which makes you feel this way?" 5. "Whose beliefs are these. you reject them in the same way?" "If not... How would you feel about Do you have two standards. The following questions may help a person feeling lonely. "Do you know other people who are similar to you 7. satisfaction. "Why do you believe that?".. " Do you believe in God?" " If yes. "Which beliefs do you need to change in order to experience more connected to others and/or God and life?" " How will you change these beliefs?" 10. Its) presence more tangibly in your life.e. one for your self which is more helping these people with their loneliness?" If not. "With which persons would you like to begin this expression and what would you like to say?" Now as already mentioned a number of times. no purpose for living without others for a person who is has not created a relationship with himself or with the divine. We are too proud and want the others to ask. Being alone for one who has not yet become aware of an inner source of security. You may replace this word with any other which might be more appropriate or more understandable to each person. We must distinguish between being alone and feeling lonely. no security. "What do you believe which makes you feel lonely?" 1. In your active listening look especially for shame and pride. like fear...Life Coach Handbook 75 www. Both emotions are based on the illusion of our separateness and identification with the body and ego. blind. Another can be alone on a mountaintop for years and not feel lonely.) 2. SELF DOUBT SHAME. and thus even when there are such people. Refer to the above chart "General Approach".. "Which beliefs do you need to change in order to feel freer to express your need for greater or deeper contact with others?" How will you change these beliefs?" 11. orphans. is a very deeply ingrained emotion which has to do with existence itself. We have already dedicate a whole chapter to around you?" this subject. to God. do you believe which makes you believe that?") especially when you are feeling lonely?" 4. no happiness. which prevents you from contacting other people.com Refer to the above chart "General Approach". we cannot feel them. " What do you feel that you need at those moments in the most basic of all emotions and the causes of most other order to feel more connected with the others or world emotions. love and purpose is very much like death. family and admirers and still feel lonely. then why not?" If yes where and when would you like to begin?" so?" What prevents you from accepting yourself in the same way that you accept others?" 8. Facing loneliness in such conditions is like facing death.HolisticHarmony. "There are also many other people who feel lonely. Also susceptible to such thinking and thus loneliness are those who have been programmed that they must be perfect. When we have pride. " And what His (Her.. strong and never ask or be in need. " Which are the events. parents. how could you feel the belief behind each answer which is given. the ill. situations or thoughts which come into your mind which trigger some level of this self doubt mechanism in you?" (We will for the purpose of brevity refer to all these emotions as Self-Doubt. One can be surrounded by hundreds of friends.?" . "When do you feel most lonely?" "At what times of day or week and in which situations?" These various forms of self-doubt are together with fear 2. when you are feeling lonely?" 4. such concerning the reason you are doubting your self?" "Do as the elderly. " And why do you believe that?" (The questioning goes on as we search for 6. self worth. These opposite emotions tend to separate us.. " Is there something which prevents you from contacting other people when you feel lonely?" Do you feel too proud to contact someone. or are you afraid that there will not be the response you want? Or are you afraid of anything else. 9. teachers etc. and thus we will get right in the questions. which are creating these beliefs?" feelings? Are they yours or do they belong to some voices from the past i. Feeling lonely means not feeling connected to others. why strict and a more relaxed one for others?" "If yes. paralyzed etc. " What do you believe which makes being alone unacceptable or painful?" 3. 1. deaf.GUILT . to nature or to life. you can continue with psychodrama and reverse psychodrama. When we feel shame or guilt or doubt our self worth.SELF REJECTION UNWORTHINESS -REJECTION-DEMEANED LONELINESS Loneliness. There is no life. and also we cannot be the ones who will express our need to be with the other.. no source. One may be surrounded day and night by persons he does not feel connected to or be alone in a cave and feel connected to God and all of creation. 3. then why not?" people who may need help. we cannot believe that others love us or want to be with us.

criticizing etc. When they give me advice I have not asked for. psychodrama and perhaps dialoguing with the part of our 3. that you are getting something out of this. expressing it in non harmful ways. 16. encourage emotional release. blaming the other due to pent up anger. and if necessary. 14. they are not yours. to be communicated. that a you are doing to others what you would not like them to do?" If yes. which from here on in we will simply call anger. Why?" 15. If it were not for him.HATE . 6. whining. express his needs. "If in fact. " If yes. has few redeeming qualities. If you want to change that action mentioned in No. something like fear and panic. When they are negative. This is an integral part of regaining his self-esteem. "Tell me five positive things about your self. perhaps even hoping something bad might happen to him. " If there were a part of your self which actually wanted to avoid total self acceptance. selves which has this emotion. A strong person seldom hates. Hate on the other hand. When others do not agree with me. what do you want to communicate to them?" Then we can follow up with active listening on what needs 1. but programmings. psychodrama and reverse 2.HolisticHarmony. " Do you feel that communicating with others about this may be useful?" Here is a brief list of some common reasons we might feel anger towards someone: 17. When they think they are superior. When they obstruct me from satisfying my needs. Now. however. complaining. Anger which becomes a source of energy and dedication towards transforming the negative and unjust around us is very useful. In general we are controlled by two thoughtforms here: 1.Life Coach Handbook 76 www. such as the need for acceptance. understanding it and directing its energy in positive directions towards self empowerment and social change. we are not interested in suppressing our anger. fear. because of which you could accept and respect your self. When they criticize me. accepting it. perhaps you feel safe in this role. "Are any of these reasons why you feel self doubt actually because you feel that you are immoral. anger can often be a starting point for major change for an individual or a whole society. such as hurt. " Do you deserve to love yourself?" If yes. or perhaps at another session help him make 10. When they harm me or someone close to me. without demeaning or hurting the other.RAGE Rage is an advanced form of anger in which are even less in control. This could be anything from sleep. an "I message" out of his "You message. but rather in recognizing it. Hate is a more stabilized condition in which we think very badly of someone and do not want to have contact with him and probably wish the worse for him. "How can you get free from these needs which are forcing you to behave in a way which is undermining your own self esteem?" 12. and is based on weakness. what would you like to do about that?" 10. When they do not respect me. All three of these emotions. feelings and beliefs to the others around 5. The subject may at first express these emotions 7. Self-Acceptance for ideas about freeing ourselves from 13. why?" "What are the negative results of your not accepting or loving yourself?" 14. Allow 8. . Refer to the above chart "General Approach". how could you do so? What makes you do it? What do you really want which forces you to act in a way which for your own conscience is wrong?" 11. are secondary emotions in the sense that they arise from other emotions. Thus.9. why? If not. shelter to our peace of mind or spouse or other person to whom we are attached. Also there are some cases in which one may need to express anger in order to get a result for which he is responsible. injustice. "Is it possible that you might not want to totally accept yourself. this. guilt. the poor me and . "Are you ready to create a more positive relationship with yourself?" "If yes.com 6. " What are you going to do about this?" When and Where and How?" ANGER . him. Also many people have to first learn to feel and accept and express their anger (not necessary at the others. When they try to control me or suppress me. Also refer to the various techniques in the chapter on 12. When they play the role of the victim. After 9. (Remember a need could be psychological. this problem. would you like to get free from them?" 7. why might it want that." 13." 11. some time. When they have evil intentions or ulterior motives. or perhaps you feel it would be egotistical to accept and love yourself?" 8. what might be the gain?" 9. One is that we must have something which the other is obstructing us from having. He is responsible for our pain and unhappiness. The second is that the person towards who we feel this anger is responsible for our reality. this would not happen. When they think they know it all. aggressively. disappointment etc.but in nonviolent and non-harmful ways) before they can refind their self-esteem and empower themselves. When they do not understand me. that what you are doing is wrong. respect or self-esteem) Give special attention in this case to helping the subject 4. This can be done. 2. When they tell lies or gossip about me. food.

as the subject plays the role of the person with whom he 5. When they make mistakes 17. Have you expressed clearly to the others what you need (Might want to read through the above list one by one. "What are your basic needs and attachments here which gets angry. When they are lazy 24. 16..CRITICIZING CONDEMNING . For example.. "Does your anger have anything to do with fears or behave in a way which bothers us. "Do you believe that the others are responsible for your feelings or your reality?" "Would you like to take Rejecting or criticizing others may not actually be consider responsibility for creating your own feelings?" an emotion but rather a reaction or behavior caused by our emotions or beliefs. why? If yes. . why?¨What do you gain by being angry? Perhaps you get a feeling self righteousness or being right and thus the other is wrong and you are okay?" Or perhaps you feel that no one will pay any attention to you. Other reasons_____________________________ insecurity?" If yes. But as they occupy a considerable 9. What would you like to express?" 2.. as the facilitator helps him learn to make I messages. then the facilitator plays the role of the subject. something want to have which is important to you and you are getting which angry people often cannot do. without accusing or blaming them?" If not. "Do you want to be free from your anger?" If yes.com want attention. we criticize or blame or reject others when they 10. When they act in an egotistical and selfish way disregarding my or others’ needs 20. what are the negative effects of anger on your life health .. Because you from having in these situations?" What is it that you this often means revealing our own weakness. Do you get angry at your self?" For what reasons?" "In which cases do you now see that you reject your self for the same reasons that you reject or get angry at others?" 13. "Do you get angry when you feel others are limiting your freedom?" When and why?" 12. after the subject makes 4. "Why is that so important to you?" "If you do not get it his I message probably with a lot of accusation and or keep it. "What exactly do you need from the others?" What do Some questions which may help here are: you want from them? 1. feelings. 6. 7. " What do you want which these persons are preventing attacking or seeking to hurt or demean the other. " What is it exactly which the others do which makes you feel this way?" From here we go on to active listening concerning expressing needs and beliefs as I messages without 3. we might also be able to understand and need to learn here?" accept others. When they are weak and dependent 19. Does your anger have anything to do with your doubts place in our lives both our as our criticism towards others about your self worth or feelings of self-rejection or guilt? and as the criticism we receive from others. fears and beliefs which lead him to feel anger when the other behaves in that way. what" 11. 14.BLAMING 8.. "What do you want to do about this?" 14. or prevents us from . 15. When they do not keep their word or appointments. When they are not responsible to their word or responsibilities 23. When they ignore my needs 25. what will happen?" criticism.) from them. "Do you believe that life is a process of growth and that and how. 16.Life Coach Handbook 77 www. 17. If no to no.?" 15. if we could understand and accept our selves in we have lessons to learn?" If yes then what lesson do you those situations. The facilitator makes an I message expressing are making you suffer?" his inner needs. In general. or that others must be punished for their wrongs and it is your responsibility to correct them?" Or something else?" Now it would be very interesting to go through the same list replacing the word "they" with the word "I" and the logical changes in the rest of the phrase so as to determine when you get angry at yourself.relationships. 18. When they use me or others. "What do you fear will happen is things do not happen Then you can change around again and the subject can the way you want them to?" have another go at it. the questioning continues until the subject discovers what his deepest fear here is? REJECTING OTHERS . it will be useful Can you see any relationship?" If yes what?" to examine this emotional reaction. the facilitator might angry because the other is preventing you from having it?" have to do reverse psychodrama to help the subject see how this can be done.HolisticHarmony. When they do not take care of themselves or do not carry their load. When they reject me. When they are cold and insensitive 22. 21.peace of mind etc. "And if that happens?" . "Which are the situations in which you feel anger?" 18. This exercise may also reveal that some of the anger we feel towards others is actually a projection of anger which we have for ourselves.

two faced 8. For being inconsiderate 24. they are wrong. The idea we will be working with here is that since life is process of spiritual evolution. Another reason we might criticize others is because they do things which we do not allow ourselves to do. For their egotistical behavior 2. For the way they work 29. For the way they behave _____ how? 30. or cheated etc. There are four questions which concern us here. For thinking that are very important 12." "Let he who has not sinned. For wanting to project themselves 18. but you can have in mind that we also could be analyzing some other unpleasant stimulus. and what you believe which causes you to be. perhaps our rejecting the other. For not being consistent with their word 4. For their immorality 3.HolisticHarmony. that you be not judged. 1. For not being correct 17. Other reasons ________________________ Now look through the same list and change the word "they" to "I" and see for which behaviors you reject yourself. For seeking affirmation through what they do 19. Or we may reject them because. We will use the word behavior here. Thus. we can look at the possible reasons why those behaviors bother us. For not working conscientiously . Now that we have discovered the behaviors which annoy us creating negative feelings in us." In other words do not judge or criticize. and thus we feel a type of injustice that we are trying so hard to be "good" or "correct" and the others are not." "Look not at the sliver in the others eye. For telling lies 7. in that way we establish our own self worth in relationship to them. but are very lenient with ourselves. For being false . See if you tend to be critical in any of these situations. Because the do the following _____________ 31. Whether we tend to reject ourselves for the same behaviors and thus. For wanting to be the exception to the rules 9. 1. As Christ said. For not keeping our agreements 22. then each behavior which bothers us or causes us to criticize. 21. our finances or various events like being robbed. These same questions can be asked concerning other matters which bother us such as illness. is a projection of our self-rejection. Because in the past they ________________ 33. They are to blame and we do not need to look at what we might need to learn in this situation where we are not satisfied with what we are creating in our lives. Because they do not ___________________ 32. 2. but the log in your own. In this way we might search for answers to two questions. For trying to control others 6. "Judge not. The following list may help some people discover what they criticize so that they then can discover why they feel that need. 1. For ignoring the others’ needs 23. For gossiping about us or others 26. situations with work. we can place the blame for our problems and our reality upon them. and each event and situation is a lesson in that process. For not acknowledging our presence 15. Another reason is that by criticizing and finding fault in others. For the way they dress 27. 14. For being hypocrites 20. contains within it something that we can learn. What is it that I believe which makes this behavior so unpleasant for me? BEHAVIORS WHICH WE CRITICIZE OR REJECT IN OTHERS Here is a list of various behaviors which we tend to criticize. We often criticize what we do not understand or whatever we fear or whatever is different. For being weak 10.Life Coach Handbook 78 www. pain. which then cause us to react by criticizing or rejecting the other person. For being late for appointments 5. What is there in me which is attracting that behavior from the other (or from life)? 2. For not living by the rules 13. throw the first stone. For the way they express themselves 28.com fulfilling our needs. For hurting or harming us or others 25. Whether we might discover that we allow our selves the freedom to do some things for which we reject others. For being aloof. For acting as if they are superior 11. For rejecting us 16." " You will be judged by the measure with which you judge.


com .Life Coach Handbook 80 www.HolisticHarmony.

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