Treasures of a Broken Heart

Treasures of a Broken Heart
Affirmations in a Woman’s Tears

Written By Penny J. Little

Praise For Treasures of a Broken Heart

Treasures of a Broken Heart, is a soul wrenching reflective mirror to my soul and what God, as my Father, wants for me! First, the book opens your eyes to dead layers in life that need removing! Reading the title "Divorcing Me", made me think, "How does she know me?" Second, it brought me to tears, and I starting thanking God. This book will touch many souls. --------------Tawanda Vanlandingham, Real Estate Agent

Treasures of a Broken Heart really allowed me to recognize how deep hurts and shame have covered up my jewels. After reading the book, I believe I can start to access my precious rubies love and destiny. -------------Rebecca Wright, CEO/Operator of a Day Spa

Treasures of a Broken Heart is an exploration of the broken places many of us harbor in our spirit, heart, and our souls all of our life. Her writings and scripture mapping bring you back to the same place; God's Love for you is his gift to the world. Her spiritual direction and her approach of poetic nuggets for the soul give you permission to explore and exorcise the negativity that weighs us down daily. Through her writing, she redirects our soul back to the enlightenment of God's abundant love. This book is a winner! We can apply the concepts daily as a reminder God has purpose for us. -------------Carolin Irvin, Corporate Executive

Treasures of a Broken Heart
Affirmations in a Woman’s Tears

Treasures of a Broken Heart
Affirmations in a Woman’s Tears

PENNY J. LITTLE

KemiJ Publishing LLC Laurel, Maryland www.facepennyjlittle.com

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version of the Holy Bible, Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken form the New King James Version, © 1979,1980,1982,1984 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® , © 1973, 1978,1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan.

Treasures of a Broken Heart Penny J. Little Laurel, Maryland 20708 e-mail: penny@facepennyjlttle.com Website: www.facepennyjlittle.com
ISBN-13: 978-0-615-29340-0 Printed in the United States of America ©2011 by Penny J. Little Laurel, Maryland 20708 Email: bookings@facepennyjlittle.com Website: www.facepennyjlittle.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Little, Penny J. (Penny Little) Treasure of a Broken Heart/ Penny J. Little ISBN-13: 978-0-615-29340-0 (trade pbk. :alk. paper) 1. Spiritual Healing 2. Healing –Religious Aspects TXu.1.749.481 2011 2011040006 No part of this book may reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical---including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system ---without permission in writing from the publisher, please direct your email to the permissions editor at business@facepennyjlittle.com Jovan Price Designs created Cover Art is a ® registered trademark of KemiJ Publishing, LLC

Dedication
Christopher Perkins (July 7, 1969- April 22, 2003)

Chris Perkins was my first indication that God desired to have relationships with teenagers. Chris had impeccable values that challenged my intimacy with God. A high school website reunion, guaranteed my opportunity to talk to my friend. My heart was heavy when I discovered that the friend who encouraged me to have hope had lost hope and committed suicide. All who knew and loved him will appreciate Christopher Perkins. The times of laughter we shared with Christopher in high school are priceless. We have a responsibility to be kind, courteous, and influential in the lives of others. I learned through his death, we must fight to live, love and give. Our hope for a better tomorrow needs people in life to participate. Everyone on this earth matters. Money can't buy the memories we make nor can great words of encouragement be sold. If you are reading this be grateful that you are on the side of “possibility”. Encourage yourself, hold tight to your faith, love to the best of your ability, let go, and live. Every day we must fight to live in the shadow of death with goodness and mercy. Challenge yourself to ask one person, "How are you doing?” Then take the time to really wait for a response. Be a ray of hope on behalf of my dear friend Christopher Perkins. Take the kindness challenge.

The worst prison in the world to be in is within you. Ironically, you are the key. Open the door and walk in freedom. _____PJLittle

Thank You
Life is not cruel because we don‟t deserve to be here … I have lived similar to a salmon swimming against the current looking for food. The difference between me and the salmon is I searched for answers. My story began as a little girl with heritage from Mississippi, Louisiana, and Tennessee. The stories told to me and experience helped form the woman I am today. I want to thank all my loved ones who left me in charge of their advice, hope and love. I recognize a torch has been passed-- to burn a light of hope for a new generation.

To my Grandparents James Madison Royston Mattie Lee Royston Geraldine Hayes Marion Oscar Hayes Sr. Hannah Becton – Only Living Grandparent Willie Ester Thomas Vada Mae Island To my Father In-Law Walter Fred Little To My Uncle Raymond Ingram Jr.

This book is an expression of all the wisdom imparted in my life by those I love and admire. I just wanted to say, “I was listening to every word.” This is the first step in making a memory last an eternity.

Acknowledgements
God is the reason why I write. I discovered my gift to write one day in my pursuit of help and I owe everything to the unconditional love of God. I asked the question, “Why did you make me.” Graciously he answered to write with love. God filled my emptiness in life and convinced me his love is all I need for a lifetime. I would like to say thank you to my husband Walter Little who has taught me love is unconditional and worth having with someone who believes in you. To say I love you, Walter, just doesn‟t seem like enough. To my sons, Walter, Isaiah, and Joshua Little you have been my hope, inspiration, and heart all in one. To my parents, John and Mattie Gaston thanks for everything you poured from your heart with love. This is your day to share with me. To James and Lorraine Thomas thanks for all your love. To my Uncle/Aunt, Robert and Carolin Irvin thanks for everything. To William and Deborah Coleman thanks for everything. To the best mother in law, Katie Elizabeth Little, I love you for being loving. To my remaining Grandmother, Hannah Becton thanks for being Gran and making great pancakes, I love you. To my brothers Reginald Thomas and Corleano Gatson, to my nieces and nephews Regina, Brandi, and Reginald Thomas Jr., AJ, Reece, Nathan and Moses Smith III and my great-niece Miracle and great-nephew‟s, Nicos, and Xjaveon, I love you dearly. Thanks for everything Aunt Beatrice Foster, Aunt Rollues Ciardullo, and Aunt Grace Seymour. To my remaining, aunts, uncles and cousins in the Royston, Gatson, Thomas, Little, Ingram and Hayes family, I love you too. To my sister-in- laws, Cathy Smith, Laverne Thomas, Kenya Gatson, and my brother-in-law Moses Smith thanks for all the moments of love, life, and laughter. To my cousins Melissa Royston, Ashley Irvin, Aisha Gaskins, Sheilona Baptiste, and Gary Gaskins, thanks for being you. To all my Jungle Sisters Regina

Sherman, Charlotte Barnett, Mylyn Smith, Chelsea Most, Jovan Price, thanks for the sisterhood. To Tammi Prather, Marvis Brown, Garland Higgins, Vanessa Soman, Lashonda Holloway, Robbie Hall, Kathleen Pettaway, Tawanda Vanlandingham, Rebecca Wright, Jacqueline Williams, Michelle Vaulx, Shani Green, Sheena Dupree, Rena Parks and Joyce Jackson thanks for the love, tears, encouragement, and a heap of laughter. Last, but not least, I must send a special love to Makena Gargonnu, God knew what he was doing. Thanks for being my sister. Thank you to my Bishop Don and First Lady Marion Meares for teaching me the word with excellence and integrity. To my Evangel Cathedral Church family you have been a blessing to my family.

Contents
I. The Method: The Poem, The Journal Entry, The Awakening, and Pearls of Wisdom Reconciliation In the Beginning The Salt of The Earth The Pattern One Day, One Decision, One Step The Awakenings: Mother and Daughter Discipline In the Temple A Revelation In The Spirit: Pain Has Purpose The Awakenings: A Ride on the Liberty Train Completion A Revelation: Trusting God Our Place His Will The Awakenings: The Writer Letting Go The Revelation Restoration What Are You Saying Boundaries Divorcing Me Wholeness A New Day Let Go The Mirror Personality Open Heart

II. III. IV. V. VI. VII.

Part One: Introduction Day One: Day Two: Day Three: Day Four:

VIII. Day Five: IX. Day Six: X. Side Bar XI. XII. XIII. XIV. XV. XVI. XVII. XVIII. XIX. XX. XXI. XXII. XXIII. XXIV. XXV. XXVI. XXVII. XXVIII. Day Seven: Side Bar: Day Eight: Day Nine: Day Ten: Side Bar Part Two: Day Thirteen Day Fourteen: Day Fifteen: Day Sixteen: Day Seventeen: Day Eighteen: Day Nineteen: Day Twenty: Day Twenty One:

Contents
XXIX. XXX. XXXI. XXXII. XXXIII. XXXIV. XXXV. XXXVI. XXXVII. XXXVIII. XXXIX. XL. XLI. XLII. XLIII. XLIV. XLV. XLVI. XLVII. XLVIII. XLIX. L. LI. LII. LIII. LIV. The Awakenings: Day Twenty Two: Day Twenty Three: Day Twenty Four: Day Twenty Five: Day Twenty Six: Day Twenty Seven: Day Twenty Eight: Day Twenty Nine: The Dance Influence Missing Solitude Fellowship Castaway Colors Harvest Stand

Part Three: Renewal Day Thirty: Foundation Day Thirty One: Birth Day Thirty Two: Peace The Awakenings: One Woman, A Man, and A Tow Truck Day Thirty Three: Wisdom Day Thirty Four: The 8TH Day Day Thirty Five: At the Well Day Thirty Six: Something New Day Thirty Seven: Take My Hand Day Thirty Eight: I am With You Day Thirty Nine: The Deep Day Forty: The Blood The Awakenings: The Love of the Father Focus Day Forty One: Day of the Preparation A Journal Entry

Treasures of a Broken Heart

Introduction
The book Treasures of a Broken Heart is a path to reconciliation. The place of peace is sometimes hidden in the heart. There is no absolute when we are dealing with attributes of a human heart. We are all aware of how bad choices affect a heart physically. Case studies in the Journals of the American Heart Association describe various heart conditions. However, the diagnosis of a broken heart is a mystery. At what point does spiritual deterioration start to affect the heart? God‟s perfect design of the heart doesn‟t include being bruised, mangled, or broken. The destruction of a human heart can only be concealed for a season. The heart will soon manifest emotional decay. The symptoms usually develop into a pattern of self-sabotage. The moral contradictions that cause destruction may include “sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery, idolatry and witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy, drunkenness, orgies, and the like.” (Galatians 5:19-21 NIV) The person with a broken heart is the 1 The workings of the human heart are the profoundest mystery of the universe. One moment they make us despair of our on kind, and the next we see the reflection of the divine image.

---Charles W. Chestnut

Treasures of a Broken Heart

first one to make the painful discovery: I am wounded. How do I stop the bleeding? When we interpret the word broken, immediately we think of something that isn‟t reparable. The factors surrounding repair represent a lot of extraneous questions. How many pieces did it break into? If it is reparable, will it leave a visible line of demarcation? Depending on the outcome of these questions, sometimes the heart is rendered hopeless, broken, and discarded. However, there is a way to fix it. At some point everyone will run out of answers. This should lead to a point of reconciliation with you and God. Just like when we balance our checkbook the question is, “do I have money to cover the remaining debt? Having enough money will alleviate financial mismanagement; but what do you do with a broken heart? People usually cover the pain with denial but eventually the heart will resist and desire truth. A broken heart will require a spiritual intercession and emotional healing. Let‟s just focus on the facts. (1) I am not ready to die. (2) Do I have what it takes to begin again? (3) Where did I lose hope? When things come to a standstill in your life, it is really a place of cleansing. This is the time when a life interruption is good. Investigate your pursuit of life. The process of change starts with thinking with our heart and not our mind. Take a retreat inside your 2

Treasures of a Broken Heart soul to clean out your hurt, betrayal, disappointments, and unforgiveness.

The heart is the most important organ in the human body. However, God never designed the heart to be

For those men who, sooner or later, are lucky enough to break away from the pack, the most intoxicating moment comes when they cease being bodies in the other men’s command and find that they control their own time, when they learn their own voice and authority.

lead by the mind. It has been medically proven when we focus on our heart, the balance of the functions between the heart and the brain increases. When this synchronization takes place, every other bodily function operates to its fullest capacity. When we focus attention on our brain,

--Theordore White. however, our whole body succumbs to stress and fall out of

balance. The greatest word ever spoken by God was let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from darkness (Gen 1:3-4 NKJV). God spoke light over the earth and the same God can reveal light in the dark situations that plague your heart. Give yourself permission to live again. The choice is yours. The bible says in 2 Corinthians 4:7 “However, we possess this precious 3

Treasures of a Broken Heart treasure (the divine light of the Gospel) in (frail, human) vessels of the earth that the grandeur and exceeding

greatness of the power may be shown to be from God and not of ourselves (KJV/Amplified) . Simply stated, the results of a broken heart can‟t own a person‟s identity. God has purposed treasures to be the reward of pain. If you desire to live life passionately, read through this devotional for the next 40 days and take notes from your heart. Follow this simple plan to discover your path to reconciliation: (1) after reading each daily word, make time to record the conversations of your heart in a journal. (2) If this is a painful reunion with your soul, exercise forgiveness for yourself and others (3) ask God, Jehovah, to show the light in your pain. (4) Ask God to show you the treasure of your heart. At this point you have nothing to lose, but everything to gain. To have peace in your heart, you must desire to be separated from the pain.

4

Treasures of a Broken Heart What’s Next?
I ain‟t sure but it is my reason I ain‟t sure but it is pleasing my soul I have decided to exercise some truth without a trace when love happens something moves, shifts I can‟t lose Is in the atmosphere The rush is on my side I am riding the flow; I can hear the Holy Spirit knocking at the door the rumbling of my soul is rushing to catch up with the promise of who I am believing God is my plan, all I need my person is exchanging a want for need I need Jesus Lord of my life I decided I am nothing I need to walk heaven on my side with direction something distinct I am one woman God called to speak Who am I? “I love God” whatever he says I am the woman for the Job

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Treasures of a Broken Heart

Treasures of a Broken Heart
Designed by Method
 The Poem - This is the conversation God had with my heart  The Journal Entry - This is the interpretation of what he spoke in my heart  The Awakenings - The personal experiences I endured and are the crossroads of my life  Pearls of Wisdom (P.O.W) - A lesson in love that my heart will remember

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Treasures of a Broken Heart

Reconciliation

7

Treasures of a Broken Heart

A Desert in Nanibia, Africa

Pearls of Wisdom: Living life without God is like living in a desert, dry! 8

Treasures of a Broken Heart

In the beginning in the beginning was a Rose watered by the presence of God who knows the depths of my heart the scars of my wounds We had conversation my life was in ruins I heard God say this is the “8th” Day your new beginning, call it into existence heaven and earth will move daughter, I have given wisdom to you. my heart and soul is panting for you like the seed of a Rose thirst for the first drop of water to saturate the seed I am seeking the presence of your anointing to move back to the essence of God in you I am looking to see a drop of dew on the petal of your existence just like the beginning, you are a rose captured by light, so we could see the first morning dew the rose is you 9

Treasures of a Broken Heart DAY ONE – In the Beginning Simplicity is the road less traveled and a gate to wisdom. God centers everything on wisdom. Sometimes, we wonder if a life of peace, goodness, prosperity, reassurance, recognition, and love knows our name. The infinite creativity of our God created beautiful roses, songs in the wind, and calming whispers in the sea. However, the business of living, will keep anyone from appreciating simple pleasures. There is a time for everything. There is a time of meditation, a time of conversation, and a time to reconcile with God. If you really want to discover the truth about you, question your heart. How much of your core existence revolves around hurt, pain, denial, and accusations? God is aware of the cracks in your foundation. Investigate your stability ratio for living life. A soothing cup of cinnamon tea invites relaxation. However, the history of cinnamon exposes a new dimension. In addition to a great aromatic scent, cinnamon has essential oils that have healing properties. Cinnamon also has anti-clotting actions, an anti-microbial food source, that counteracts yeast, and lowers blood sugar levels. Cinnamon boosts brain functions, is an excellent source of calcium, and protects against heart disease. Who knew that cinnamon had such a powerful presentation? The spirit of God sends out a decree for us to reconcile with a foundation of wisdom. In life, we tend to get stuck in a linear trap 10

Treasures of a Broken Heart

of what is wrong. Look at the seed and seek the wisdom of God. There is purpose in all pain. Have the courage to be you and believe your pain will produce freedom. Walking in wisdom will force you to see beyond what is obvious. Everyone must conduct personal inventory of your B.S. (Belief System). Maybe you should investigate whether your belief system needs to improve from a linear to a three dimensional existence. Godly wisdom cries out and understanding raises her voice. (Proverbs 8:1 NKJV) In God, life is born out of a seed and a spoken word. The wisdom of God is described as “her”. We know, when women have their seed fertilized, a new creation is born. The birth of a baby comes through labor pain but the seed produces a truth; the birth of a child. Wisdom defines everything as a seed. Take time to identify your pain, seek the truth with God‟s wisdom, and discover new purpose. If cinnamon is more than a spice, then your pain is more than just pain perhaps there is a greater truth to discover. Remember, a cup of cinnamon tea brings warmth. However, a cry for wisdom revealed cinnamon as a healing property.

Pearls of Wisdom: A problem is a linear seed but truth, purpose, and promotion lives within a cry for wisdom. 11

Treasures of a Broken Heart

The Salt of the Earth The essence of a fragrance is anointing blossoms come from water movement the universe is I hold the sky What can influence Salt? a figment of your mind a majestic spirit in time To be or not to be a thought or question a span of time? salt changes Food with influence I am the reason of man The spirit of God ruling this land every Spirit desires salt you express it in your love creativity and expectation Lives in Salt explanation? It is the salt of the earth God ready to expand your territory

12

Treasures of a Broken Heart Day Two- The Salt of the Earth The influence of the spirit of God excels in a righteous atmosphere. These days it is hard to identify what is pure and holy. A true indicator of God‟s blueprint is morning. When, the earth wakes up, it is amazing, mysterious, and beautiful. The sun is never late, dew shows up on time, and birds come out to sing beautiful melodies. Morning is a synchronized production, a rhythm that whispers, God Is. The intellectual prowess of human beings tends to create magical and mystical incantations of God. Intellect and the wisdom of man place stipulations and boundaries on how to accept God. God is Sovereign. God is infinity. God is boundless. Intellect doesn‟t understand. Intellect brazenly boasts it has all the answers. However, the wisdom of God is an all-inclusive intellectual capacity. His power creates a change in your spirit, altering your belief system. A chemistry student must believe a foundation of elements exits consisting of atoms, neutrons, diatomic molecules, and hydrogen molecules. This relational truth will create expansive learning and understanding in chemical equations and reactions. God will never be a formula, but like chemistry he is unexplainable. God created the earth to support his greatest creation, man. The spirit of God has a covenant with the spirit of man. Life will

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Treasures of a Broken Heart

continue to create oxygen for the spirit of man to consistently challenge, create, and evolve into newness. When man became a living soul, power was transferred in the blood. Seek God and a righteous path. Stop poisoning your, creativity. Your next avenue of change is nestled in your words. Your next opportunity of greatness is in your presence and possession. Jesus declares, “You are the salt of the earth…” (Matthew 5:13 NKJV); Just as salt has influence over the taste of food, a relationship with God will enhance any life toward abundance. God exists in your life. A new path of love, life and beauty is in God. In a new life, the first step, happens when you believe in your spirit, I am alive because of God.

Pearls of Wisdom: Teamwork with God makes the dream work 14

Treasures of a Broken Heart

The Pattern building a firm foundation has a purpose in time to grow to die to laugh to cry solidarity walks during seasons at my command I require vessels to trust And follow me a place of never before a blind existence in time rhythm and life a completed symphony created by a composer a Holy Spirit It is I, the Lord God, revealing the song written on your heart a voice sings from your soul a new beginning purified renewed I am doing something I want people to see the Lord God in you too

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Treasures of a Broken Heart

Day 3- The Pattern Interruptions are a part of life. The unexpected should be expected. No one plans for misfortune and tragedy that will expose your character. The heart of man is always God‟s concern. God is not shocked when your life takes a turn for the worse; we want to escape the process but God uses the process to teach. We seek to hide from or in the painful part of life. God says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” (Isaiah 55:9 NIV) The wisdom of God has plan for your life based on a desire to share an intimate relationship with his creation. True intimacy in any relationship is created out of painful places. Sometimes relationships with material possessions have crowded what is important. When we loose “the haves” all that is left is who we are. A face to face meeting with our heart will reveal unsolicited truth. We look for areas of escape but God has seized this opportunity to teach you intimacy. When we discover an intimacy in our heart beyond the physical and tangible desires, we discover purpose. What is in you is far more 16
--Job 1:12 (KJV)

And the Lord said to Satan, Behold all he has is in your power, only upon the man himself put not forth your hand. So Satan went forth from the prescience of the Lord.

Treasures of a Broken Heart valuable to God than what you have. God wants to help you create a pillow of rest, peace, and relationship in him. Interruption in life can be a sanctuary for understanding. Be certain that God has the answer for everything under the sun. He has path of renewal during a child‟s death, a broken home, failed or broken marriage, and a heavy heart. God is the master architect of bridges that take you from darkness to light. The interruption in life is God asking you to take his hand, hold on to the will of God and rest in his arms. Around the corner of rest is always a new beginning.

Pearls of Wisdom: Reconcile with your past; God will create steps for you to move forward in life.

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Treasures of a Broken Heart One Decision, One Step essence of worship is in me we have a love affair beyond no one understands the cost of learning to dance a specific step back to his arms to the one who caused me to be I have started to see the only important decision is finding the only God who created worship in me

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Treasures of a Broken Heart

Day 4 - One Day, One Decision, One Step Life will eventually direct you to the road less traveled, a crossroad demanding change. It is easier said than done. Every participant is forced to evaluate, relationships, career, dreams, and all parts of life are up for reconsideration. The purpose is to decide once and for all, do I live life or suffer in life? If you are suffering what is the missing link? Do you know what void must be filled? Whether we acknowledge it or not the spiritual DNA of people always look for God. Even if a person is clueless to who God is it will not quite the need for the spirit man to be satisfied by God. The connectivity and purpose of the spirit seeks relevance in a higher source. The source is the triune God of peace, Jehovah, the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. The quality of life comes doesn‟t come easy. It will hurt, bring about chaos, and even be lonely. However, the elimination of quantity is necessary to access quality and wholeness. The center of your being desires a benevolent and awesome father for guidance. A consistent relationship with quiet time is the first step. It is just one decision away from total reconciliation with your truth. Any spiritual realignment starts with choosing God. Daily communication with God leads to creativity and change. What are you waiting on? God wants to you to be totally dependent on him for everything. The only way to recognize power in life is to listen. True wisdom calls out in silence. Wisdom will not speak over your 19

Treasures of a Broken Heart plan. You are called to pay attention to your spiritual creator. Your personalized order of joy will be delivered. It comes wrapped in a relationship of trust with God Jehovah Jireh, your provider. Let God be your source. God designed you for a purpose of peaceful influence with power. God uses your imperfections to create color enhancements. Colors of imperfections become priceless treasures. When discovered by other people it‟s called hope. Have courage to be you. God knows your purpose in life. Ask yourself a question. Does the color purple introduce himself as Red?

Pearls of Wisdom: Today is a great day to be introduced to God. 20

Treasures of a Broken Heart

THE AWAKENINGS
Mother and Daughter

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Treasures of a Broken Heart

Mother and Daughter
This is the day after the legendary Michael Jackson passed. The world is in mourning his death. As a young girl in Tennessee, I grew up in the shadows of his fame. Right now I remember singing the lyrics, „when you‟re living off the wall” denying my recess in the sixth grade for that moment to dance my life away. Michael Joe Jackson will be missed. Ironically, as I listened to one of my favorite songs by him, Heart Break Hotel, the words penetrated my heart and shifted my mind to life in the shadow of women of war. I am choosing the word war purposely because as a woman, I often fight for the balance of woman, wife, and mother. The battlefield surface when I struggle to believe in my authentic opportunity to have purpose and peace. I have bandaged wounds and hid many of my scars to discover victory is in the process. I was ushered in this world in a dream. My grandmother told me that she had a vision from God that I would be a girl during my mothers‟ pregnancy. Big Momma and I shared a very loving relationship. I remember when she came to live with us because of her failing health. The most important part of my understanding on family is clear; in the time of our elders need, we need to make time; this is a child‟s honor. I watched my mother adjust her life to honor her mother. She watched and cared for the woman that 22

Treasures of a Broken Heart protected her as a child with no complaint Big Momma shared her treasure of wealth, honor, and love in the form of wisdom. All she had to give was her spiritual legacy with God. As a young girl she shared with me, pain nestled in her broken heart. For Big Momma, I was the safe place to expose her wounded soul. As a little girl, this was my first open book and pathway inside a broken heart. Every story was laced with pain but yet she lived in forgiveness. She poured out her heart and led me along the way. Laughter would avail itself sparingly behind a flood of tears. Her wings of protection spread wide over me as a young girl but as an adult, I began to realize just how vast they truly reached. She poured into me all she owned; the treasure was an innate desire to protect the beautiful gift inside my spirit. She understood true treasures were hidden in the heart and soul of family. The night she affected my hope was like any other night. We prepared for bed, we crawled in, and she began to pray and suddenly stopped. As I lay next to her, I remember clearly when she said, “it‟s time for you to pray.” That night was the beginning of what I am now; Big Momma had passed me the torch of a praying woman. Every time I say, “our father who art in heaven”……I am graciously and forever linked me to my Big Momma. She imparted every ounce of the relationship she shared with God with me. All of her life was written on my heart. I was amazed that her pain didn‟t rob her of strength, wisdom and powerful resilience to live. 23

Treasures of a Broken Heart She was a sharecropper that planted seed for an appointed harvest. I didn‟t know it then, but I was her seed watered with her painful past, fertilized with love, and sustained in forgiveness. The wisdom she shared with me as a young girl became the light at the end of the dark tunnels during my young adult years. The things she shared with me at nine years old sounded strange but she imparted the wisdom of God for later. I can hear it like it was yesterday when she said, the road less traveled is the path God has purposed for you.” She explained to me that in the end of life there would be a wide road packed with a non-stop herd of people going to hell. Likewise the other road would be narrow and one person, every now and then, would come by on the way to heaven. I was intuitive enough to know what road I needed to be on, she died when I was thirteen. It was after her death, I realized Big Momma had left me here to be the keeper of her heart and her treasure. Her wings are vast and the memory of her is powerful but her belief and hope in God is mine. I thank God for this blessing and relationship. The Bible says in Titus 2:3-5, “The older women likewise, are reverent in behavior, not slanders, not given to much wine, teachers of good things ---- that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discrete, chaste, homemakers, and good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. (KJV) We need to share the wisdom of truth in the dying legacy between young and old women. 24

Treasures of a Broken Heart My mother told me that she believed that her purpose was to keep the family together. I don‟t think I understood the task she was undertaking. In no way is it easy; Undeniably, this is a job requiring great power, humility, and service. In a manner of speaking, God has to endow women with qualities that are supernatural and based in his love to create the bond in family. We do not have the capacity of limitless forgiveness and unconditional love without God. My mother is without a doubt my hero and great example of strength, courage, and character. As a young girl I had a hard time understanding the road she pursued. Her list of things she did for our family was long and always sacrificial. In some ways, her sacrifice became my promise of never. I swore that I would never try to accomplish what she and even my grandmother had accomplished. couldn‟t do it alone. It was the greatest formula that I would ever try to solve. Looking for the proverbial “X” the unknown answer was the quest. After living a very selfish pursuit of womanhood, I desired to have it all. The balance was locked in my definition of what my woman, mother, and wife needed. All the dynamics of my character were thirsty and desired something bigger, more, unlimited, and a wellspring of wisdom I couldn‟t produce. Is there a place to tap into that would allow me to be what I desired? 25 However, I was wrong

dead wrong. This is exactly what I did but I went in knowing that I

Treasures of a Broken Heart I wanted the family unit and a freedom to be all my possibilities. God took the intricate time to make me a woman, but why? I wanted to live in the existence of his hope and success for my life. The answer to the unknown “X” was I needed God. The great women I admired and love had given me their wisdom and shared their strength but was it enough? Today, this adds up to nothing by some people‟s standard yet it‟s my portion and inheritance of greatness. Life is different for me as a woman in comparison to the women of war but I wonder is it? My Grandmother and mother possessed strength for survival; however, it couldn‟t mask the look in Big Momma‟s eyes. Pain illuminating the fragments of her heart, it is that vision that haunts me today. God never intended for any woman to embody this path. It doesn‟t look well on a woman; as a young girl, I saw a skeleton of a woman, resembling wilderness, drought, betrayal and disappointment. The states in Psalms 94:17 unless the Lord had been my help my soul would have settled in silence. (NKJV) Big Momma no longer spoke out of her soul. I knew as a little girl, the soul of a woman should continue to speak in life in order to be whole. As an adult woman of God, I decided to keep talking. The love for family connectivity is a dying dinosaur. As a child, I learned the value of family, but as an adult I am fighting to preserve this truth. God‟s word says honor your father and mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12 NKJV) As a mother I live on purpose to 26

Treasures of a Broken Heart stretch my expectation of how important my words and life will impact my sons. They will learn from me how to care for the heart of a woman. The language and conversation of what I as a woman should expect from a man was limited a based on the experience. My place of growth came from a lot of pain but a deeper desire to make better choices proved favorable. I am on the road less traveled and understanding daily that singleness of mind is not loneliness. I have determined to live out loud for the women of war that I love. My grandmother and mother endured tirelessly and managed to love and forgive. Sometimes we seek for the things that will depreciate in value to define who we are. God blessed me with two women of war I honor and respect. They taught me how to surrender and wave the white flag of love not in defeat but victory. I learned pain can be found if you look pain. I learned if you look for a treasure it can be found also. What do you look for in life?

Pearls of Wisdom: God placed in every heart a treasure for discovery.

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Treasures of a Broken Heart Discipline consistency is a choice short cuts listening to it can be done another day time rolls by task is never done minutes hours come and go we continue to reach our flow slack lack putrid, rotten ways sustaining old wine stale bread a fantasy of truth tomorrow passes by yesterday is gone It is your fault. you are no where looking wondering wearing tattered worn out fairytale boots

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Treasures of a Broken Heart Day 5 – Discipline Ephesians 6:15 says, “And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace.”(NKJV) Preparation is key, yet often overlooked. We continue to neglect its meaning. Consistently, we seek the big picture of dreams, the neon lights, and the bling. We fail in preparation. What musician plays in an orchestra without learning to read music? Who built Rome without a blueprint? Who cooks breakfast without a menu in mind? How can you conquer faults with no preparation? How do you create a dream? You plan to build with great

We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time.

character, integrity, and a systematic life of order. One day at a time and one moment at a time. Did you take time to pinpoint what is hindering you? Stand in the mirror, and ask one question. Are you the adversary blocking your dreams? Truth never sneaks up on you; it is in your line of

--TS Elliot

eyesight all the time. Deciding to

accept truth has been the problem. You have rationalized truth, covered up scars, and repeated a pattern of failure. The first step in repairing for success is to honor consistency. Discipline starts

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Treasures of a Broken Heart training expecting to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior. Achieving a lifestyle of success happens with discipline.

Pearls of Wisdom: Consistency is discipline‟s best friend.

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Treasures of a Broken Heart In The Temple worship is the spirit of man a treasure each hand draped In the precious blood of my son, the Christ each passion just a seed of abundance a precious promise a man who has answered a call of salvation returned back the glory of man is the Spirit of God in his heart a visitation with the spirit my presence your soul has penetrated the realm of I am consummated a new Covenant release your anointing and gifts back to my Garden of Eden we walked we talked in the garden a sanctified purified relationship When you knew me God of everything Call me I will give access in Temple of Holy righteousness, my power, as your Father Is Love

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Treasures of a Broken Heart Day 6- In the Temple An experience with God will cause truth to influence an atmosphere. There is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. My soul is naked and exposed around God. I hope I can be honest enough to admit I am on artificial life support. The machine is recording, one consistent beep in three second intervals. The decision has to be made to pull the plug. This time is different. Doctors are not gathering and no family has been called as a witness. Life or death, a decision to pull the plug has two concerned parties. It is just me and God. I must learn to accept my responsibility for my choices in order to cancel all my debt. Forgive all my debts and debtors, let go all my grief, guilt, and un- forgiveness for others and myself. God says it‟s time. Life is waiting on me. In my spirit, I hear the beeps again and again. Finally the time has come, I have had enough. I reach over and pull the plug myself. The artificial life support is off. I take in the last breath. One deep breath and I am alive, healed, whole, and at peace. My past is behind me and God says to me you are forgiven. You are ready. Take my hand daughter; trust me for life and purpose. I walked out new person with God. Today is a new day. Try God.

Pearls of Wisdom: You can die in your flesh today and live spiritually into eternity.

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Treasures of a Broken Heart

Revelation:
Believe it or not pain has purpose.

S I D E B A R

Learning to forgive offenses and sharing your testimony with someone else is a seed to your healing. Telling your testimony will create an opportunity for someone else to find hope as a result of your pain. (Eph. 1:11 NKJV) Pain isn’t designed for exclusivity. The experience will be planted as source of life for a dying soul.

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Treasures of a Broken Heart

Pain has Purpose

God has determined that all things happen in time and seasons. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up…” (NKJV) We have all had some irreversible and irrevocable pain that has ruled our life. One moment has been impressed permanently in our heart and mind. A painful incident has become road maps that strategically play a picture or vision consistently. There is no room to escape it is like a haunting and cunning stalker that is with you everywhere you go. It‟s with you but the reaction to the vision is from a different part of your life. God never meant for this tragedy to stay with you form of pain forever. The truth is that God is not author of your pain; however, if God has allowed a situation to exist he has a plan to reveal victorious result. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (NKJV) God in his infinite wisdom has devised an escape out of the darkness that lurks behind the pain. Believe it or not there is a light in the dark tunnel. Pain in Gods scheme of things will turn to purpose. However, the will of God to end pain in our life is activated by our reaction. When agree to be a victor instead of a victim of the tragedy, life begins again. The key to moving forward

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Treasures of a Broken Heart is related to your response to painful situations. God is waiting on you to say that enough is enough. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (NKJV) The face-off is here, the David and Goliath. The little man verses the big man. God really wants us to use what we are equipped with to get out of the situation. The painful cycle is what God has determined to be the weapon of choice during the battle. When you accept purpose in pain it‟s like a sword used in battle. In the proper context it is an introduction for trusting in God to happen. God leaves it up to you to call on him to change the dynamics of the pain. Like the story of the potter‟s wheel, God uses the same person and the same lump of clay. God, the potter remolds and reshapes the perception of the vessel from the inside to see light instead of darkness. You participate with God when you say, “I can‟t carry the weight and burden anymore. I want to leave the pain as a sacrificial offering to God. In essence the person is riddled with the pain of a crippling emotional scar. God has heard the unspoken cry that is buried in your heart. The revelation is that God desires to move the poison of the pain to purpose. You have to make a decision to honor the call God is making. Trust God to orchestrate a better place within your heart. God has already changed the poison that is killing you to purpose. There is a seed designed to activate a new opportunity of hope in a dying soul. God sees the operation of life and death as 35

Treasures of a Broken Heart a seed. When God provides a moment of transition he is asking you to give to have a better life. Our pattern was Jesus. Remember he died for our sins and took all the pain, reversed the curses of sin, so we could have freedom to live in abundance. He died to the pain by giving his life. He died for us to live. Jesus death is a type and shadow for every situation where you are dying. We must choose life in our emotions and soul ties. Death is a seed. Any farmer will tell you that seeds are dead until they are place in fertile ground. The miraculous thing is that it brings forth life after it is planted in the right soil. Pain will become absolutely poisonous to you when you hold on to it out of God‟s season. Matthew 13:25, but while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat and went his way. (NKJV) God has already designed your pain to die and be a testimony of victory and a seed of life to someone else. God needs you to be healed from your pain and become hope for someone else. Victory comes with the opportunity to share your death in life. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. When you share your testimony as hope God restores your life in the places where you were emotionally dead. Your seed has now been planted in in life to give another person opportunity to be connected to the spirit of life. A miracle happens when you trust God to interrupt your life for his plan and ways. The Virgin Mary had to exchange her plan with Gods purpose. God came to her at an unexpected time to give her an option for a new life. This required Mary to have faith and trust in 36

Treasures of a Broken Heart what God wanted to do. However, the transitional process to a new life came when Mary, spoke out of her mouth “let it be done according to God‟s will.” At that moment she decided to give God‟s plan for her life to change her. She didn‟t know what the outcome was going to be. She just trusted God to lead her life. Mary was ready to put her past pain in life behind her and move forward. Choosing life is in our power. God wants you to choose to die to the painful situations that have altered your life. Recognize that everything under the sun has a season. Don‟t let a seed meant to give life to someone else become poison to your dying soul.

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Treasures of a Broken Heart

The Awakenings
A Ride on the Liberty Train

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Treasures of a Broken Heart

A Ride on the Liberty Train
The early morning sunrise is life for me. Ocean City Maryland is a quiet haven when life appears chaotic. Life is good in retrospect but it never hurts to be grateful. Looking out over the balcony, I can recognize the ocean is angry today. The waves are screaming, fighting, battling at war with. The beauty and the beast of the picturesque ocean are reminiscent of my dichotomous life. I look and recognize the truth behind it all; the waves are turbulent within the water it calls home, however, no one really can understand why the fight is going on. The anger in the ocean is visible and yet intangibly as raw as I once lived. At the moment I had enough, the root of the problem was not my concern, I just wanted an ending. My proverbial end was in the form of an unreserved train ticket that said Washington, DC and a conductor that clearly stated that I was headed to New, York City. Once again, “I am a day late and a dollar short.” Only this time, I am tired, and the get up is gone. The conductor suggested that I get off in Newark, NJ. When I arrived at the information booth, the lady responded with one clear statement, I just didn‟t want to hear, “sorry, I can‟t help you!” In between chewing her gum she replied, “The only

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Treasures of a Broken Heart thing that you can do is wait, maybe the next reserved train, which is the last train back to DC, might let you on.” The end of my hope and I am left with the comfort of might and maybe. The last wing and final prayer were thrown up and I was done. Newark, New Jersey Train Station would be my final moment of glory. I knew that my mother is going to be devastated her star will be known as a fallen star. The headline will read woman jumped in front of a train in the Newark, New Jersey train station. As I walked down the sterile gray steps each passing, painstaking moment, I faced my very own “Green Mile.” The last stop between reality of my life and eternity is a cold concrete bench for me to sit on and meditate on my finality. The turn of events that brought me to such a grim presentation was too deep to unravel and I was not willing to investigate the possibility of change. I was tired. The Newark Train station was just as empty as I felt in that moment. The steps doubled as my unique presentation of life. There is exactly one-way in and one-way out of life; Newark had become the mirror crossing my fate and life through a single set of steps and a train. I sat down with great anticipation the final curtain call was here. In the next hour this will be eternal. I faded back in the moment and I could hear singing. That is someone singing…I looked around and there he was a janitor. Where did he come from? One way in and one-way out, I am staring and perplexed. 40

Treasures of a Broken Heart How did he get here with a thirty-gallon trashcan, equipment and cleaning products? Oh no, he is walking to me. What does he have to be smiling about? “Good afternoon”, he said, “this is the day that the Lord has made.” How are you doing?” I am thinking to myself life is over for me and he is concerned about my day. My response was, “as a matter of fact, it is one of those days that I felt like I should have never gotten out of bed?” The janitor graciously stated that every day is a great day in God. Did he say God? Well, he has no way of knowing this but God may not be on good terms with me. See at that moment I was full of anger, depression, betrayal, lost, hopeless, and plagued by low self-esteem. In my weakest moment, I really wasn‟t trying to be in a conversation however small and unintentional it appeared to be. I was in great anticipation of being successful in my plan to end it all. The janitor was very persistent in all things pertaining to me. I just remember my response was non-responsive but I was able to be cognitive of the fact that he brought more than a broom and a litany of questions. From the moment he entered into my prescience it became increasingly harder for me to maintain my depression. This stranger began to engage my spirit with the one thing I lost, peace. My dream for peace was unreachable for so long the ache in my heart had grown permanent impossible to manage. I wanted to die because I had no peace. The janitor know longer was

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Treasures of a Broken Heart standing in front of me as a stranger. I believe God had sent a representative to comfort my wretched soul. Conviction began to penetrate my soul and everything I tried to run from in life had caught up with me in one moment of time. This became the moment, hour, time, and place to reconcile with the one who knew me best. I knew God was looking for me. No were to run and now were to hide. The bible says in Psalms 139:1-3, “You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; you understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.” (KJV) In spite of all the efforts I had been found. The janitor asked me one question that became a turning point in my life. He asked, “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? (Matthew 16:26 NKJV) At that very moment the tears traveled from up out of my heart and cascaded down my face. The trail of tears began to be a point of release for all of the pain and disappointment. The weakest time in my life was yet my strongest hour; finally, I was able to surrender my life to God. I wept just as Jesus wept. Humanity and the spirit of God was the only elixir to reconcile my broken heart. I hugged the stranger and wiped tears of joy but the background was permeated with the whistle of the train. Oh, my train! What is your name? The janitor replied, James One. Okay! “I have got to catch my train.” He said catch

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Treasures of a Broken Heart the train? You and I both know that you were waiting to jump in front of the train! I raced to board the train. I proceeded to tell the conductor my issue and he stopped me mid conversation. The conductor‟s exact words were, “don‟t worry about it; God gave you an extra train ride. When I got home of course it didn‟t take me long to realize that I had an experience with an Angel. His name was not James One. I blew the dust off the bible that mom gave me for Christmas two years prior. Like I suspected it was a scripture reference. James 1:1-6 says, “James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him (NIV). I discovered that God allows things to happen to us not for our punishment but in essence to bring us to a point of opportunity. I wanted peace and he delivered peace and a new life worth living. I ran most of my life from God, only to surrender to his love that will last an eternity. Today, I can truly say that I took a ride on my own liberty train.

Pearls of Wisdom: The Love of God will last throughout eternity. 43

Treasures of a Broken Heart Completion my cup runneth over he anointed my head with oil to accomplish many things without a blemish or a soil prepare a place in the presence Of my enemy teaching me to walk with thee not aspiring to be perfect just learning to accept me my humanity spiritual destiny learning to understand his plan, is my plan God chose me he believes in me God called me to accept his way his lifestyle His power The hour is now bells and trumpets, have released a sound god made beautiful in me a decision seeks his desires For my life Satisfying whole complete

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Treasures of a Broken Heart Day 7- Completion The end of a thing is the beginning of a thing. God lives in perfection and truth. Situations in life are orchestrated to feed the soul nourishment. Life will turn our existence into one big fast food experience, rushing through everything without God. His spirit is food and medicine for the soul. Yes, we must make a consistent choice to commune with God‟s spirit. We must love, show compassion, be joyful, and give as a representative of what Jesus would do. But the statement is much bigger than a cliché. The presence of God is an invitation to partake in his creative ability. The existence of this world hinged on one statement; “Let there be light.” Wow! God, wanted to find access in a dark place as his first order of life? That is powerful. God is not intimidated when darkness around your spirit has consumed you. God„s presence has authority over the situation you are drowning in. God wants you to commune with his greatness. “Let there be light.” Choose it, claim it, and live in it. His words framed the world in Seven Days. If nothing else in your life has satisfied you try God. Stop standing in the sanctuary every Sunday lying to you. Life is passing you by, dreams are dying inside, and destiny will forget your name. Say yes; let the light of God work in you. No matter who you are reading these pages, powerful and prophetic words from God will penetrate your heart. Wherever, 45

Treasures of a Broken Heart whenever, and whatever it takes, embrace the beginning of a new thing. Choose God‟s plan and seek him to discover the life he has for you. Let him orchestrate your plan out of darkness. Just use the power of God to create a new world for you. God wants you to live in peace and passion of his awesome spirit. Take time to dine in greatness, a five star restaurant of life. Order from God‟s menu and be seated at his table. Feed your soul a meal of freedom and liberty. Choose to worship in the Spirit of God Daily. Let there be light.

Pearls of Wisdom: Everything bad will create an opportunity to find beauty in ashes

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Treasures of a Broken Heart Thank you for reading this excerpt! If you would like to read more of Treasures of a Broken Heart, please visit the official website for Penny J. Little to purchase your copy of this book! http://www.facepennyjlittle.com

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