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An organization is a group of people associated for business, political, professional, religious, athletic, social, or other purposes. Its activities require human beings to interact and react, that is , to communicate. They exchange information, ideas, plans; order needed supplies; make decisions, rules, proposals, contracts, and agreements. Communication is the “lifeblood” of every organization. People in organizations typically spend over 75% of their time in an interpersonal situation; thus it is no surprise to find that at the root of a large number of organizational problems is poor communications. Effective communication is an essential component of organizational success whether it is at the interpersonal, intergroup, intra-group, organizational, or external levels. Communication can be considered as a personal process that involves the transfer of information and also involves some behavioral input. Communication is something people do. It has all to do with relationships between people and consists of the transfer of information and understanding between parts and people in an organization, and the various modes and media involved in the communication. Another way of looking at communication is as ‘an interpersonal process of sending and receiving symbols with meanings attached to them’ resulting in the exchange of information and shared understanding between people. So a measure of the effective management of interpersonal communication is that information is passed, and relationships are built. Effective Communication is therefore critical to the success of an organization because – Organisations today are becoming more complex both in structure and technology.
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Economic and market conditions are forcing greater efficiency and quality at minimum cost in manufacturing and services. Government legislation requires managers to interpret the changing implications for policies and practices in their own organisation. People at work have high expectations from their employers – not just high wages, but also greater personal job satisfaction. Organizations are becoming more dependant on horizontal communication channels. With increased complexity, information needs to flow quickly between specialists rather than go up and back down the hierarchy, with its inevitable delay and message distortion. So when we look at the changes that are taking place in organizations today, it is clear that managers, to be effective, require communication performance at high levels of excellence.
The Importance Communication
Communication is the “lifeblood” of every organization. A vital means of attending to company concerns is through effective internal communication – downward, upward, and horizontal. Communication is the medium through an organization accomplishes its goals It leads to greater effectiveness It keeps people in the picture. It gets people involved with the organization and : • increases motivation to perform well; • increases commitment to the organization. It makes for better relationships and understanding between : • boss and sub-ordinates • colleagues people within the organization and outside it
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It helps people understand the need for change : • how they should manage it; • how to reduce resistance to change.
Purposes of Communication – Managers need to be
effective communicators to achieve positive results in today’s organisations. Some of the purposes are – Seeking or receiving information, encouragement, control, selling proposals, confrontation. Talking to different levels within the hierarchy – to individuals, to groups, to departments – and externally to customers, suppliers, vendors, and other professionals. Using both formal communication - Meetings, reports, proposals, notices; and Informal communication - counseling, advising, talking to other employees. Working in different roles: as Chairman, project leader, analyst, subordinate , colleague. Evaluating communications : are they facts, opinions, gossip ? Building up networks to obtain real information which may be given freely or concealed – which means you need to ask the right questions, or else you will find yourself drowned in data but starved of information. Trying to influence those over whom you have no power. ORGANISATIONAL COMMUNICATION Organisational communication can be External Communication and Internal Communication. Internal Communication is within the organisation, whereas, External Communication is the communication with the external stakeholders of the organisation. The importance and the purpose of the communication in organisation has been explained above.
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and when this happens it is an indicator that an organisation’s policies. Sideways messages are between different departments. Informal Channels spring up by virtue of common interests between people in the organisation – these interests may be caused by work. all three channels need to be open and unblocked at all times.Effective Communication Communication in organizations use two basic channels – formal and informal. There tend to be strict rules about the use of these formal channels. Both are important and both carry messages – sometimes reinforcing and sometimes conflicting – throughout the organisation. MMM. Upward messages are reports. such as policies and procedures. functions or people at the same level in the organisation. The upward channel is the one which blocks most easily. orders and requests which are passed down the appropriate level in the hierarchy. upwards and sideways . It has been estimated that managers receive over half the information they need for planning purposes through the grapevine.doc Page 4 of 64 . but they often carry more credibility than those coming from the formal channels. Its messages may frequently be distorted. social or outside relationships. JBIMS 74592494. The downward message consists primarily of information which is necessary for any staff to carryout their work. Informal channels become the only means of communication when the formal channels become blocked or break-down. procedures and employee relations need to be reviewed. Messages flow in three directions : downwards. Aurobindo . complaints. The grapevine is very powerful channel.II. Formal channels are ones which have been set up by the organisation. opinions. For communication to be effective. requests.
To communicate well. JBIMS 74592494. NonVerbal NOIS E FEEDBACK Verbal. we need to know ourselves and our frames of references and to be able to assess other people. attitudes. CONTE XT Stimuli SENDE R ENCODIN G (experiences. the process of transmitting information from an individual (or group) to another is a very complex process with many sources of potential error. attitudes.II.Effective Communication The Communication Process Although all of us have been communicating with others since our infancy. NonVerbal RESPON SE The communication process involves : Aurobindo . MMM. skills) Receptor Mechanism Perception Decoding Idea interpretation MESSAG E MEDIU M Verbal. skills) Perception Idea encoding Symbol decisions Sending mechanisms DECODIN RECEIVE G R (experiences.doc Page 5 of 64 .
II. ) Paralanguage is the characteristics of the voice. diction. or disillusionment. loyalty. culture. and noise or barriers to communication that may interfere or distort the intended communication. and external and internal stimuli. Words are the phrases that we select to express the thought that we intend to communicate including vocabulary.doc Page 6 of 64 . The message is the core idea you wish to communicate and it consist of both verbal (written or spoken) symbols and non-verbal ( unspoken) symbols. External stimulus prompts you to send a message whereas internal stimulus have an complex influence on how you translate ideas into a message. Every message whether oral or written. They can lead to costly errors. Aurobindo . response and feedback. sentence structure and sentence clarity. but you are the slave of the words you have already said. injure. begins with context – a broad field that includes country. Communication effectiveness also depends upon the message forms – Words. Words can insult. tone . Non-verbal behaviour. language. such as rate of speech. The encoding process refers to the forming of the messages to be sent and is influenced by the knowledge. Paralanguage.Effective Communication Two major parties in communication – sender and receiver Two major communication tools – message and medium Four major communication functions – encoding. JBIMS 74592494. phrases. organization. false hopes. beliefs. decoding. or exalt. MMM. Through it one can convey enthusiasm. rhythm and volume. biases. and feelings of the sender. action or silence and are critical to the influence process. Voice is a highly versatile instrument. They can evoke pride. ( You are the master of the words you are yet to say.
doc Page 7 of 64 . body language. notes. reports. During this process. face to face discussions. the receiver decodes the message through assimilation and interpretation. paralanguage and non-verbal communication. A question sent by the sender which is answered by a receiver’s blank stare is as an example of a non-verbal feedback loop. For internal communication. telephonic conversations or videotapes. faxes. new releases. and perceptions affect how well the message is understood and accepted. job descriptions. anxiety. e-mail catalogues . desires and attitudes. and other states of mind and intent. communication costs.II.. live presentations etc. proposals. telegrams. Oral communication may take the form of staff meeting. eye contact. Feedback is the process by which the receiver communicates to the sender an understanding of the message which was sent. The choice of medium is influenced by the relationship between the sender and the receiver. JBIMS 74592494. employee manuals etc.Effective Communication confidence. beliefs. Aurobindo . positioning. Non-verbal cues serve as windows to emotions. the receiver’s knowledge. biases. Non-verbal behaviour is anything that can be seen by the other person. and the amount of information. Feedback can occur through words. The medium depends upon the contextual factors and nature of the message discussed above. reports. bulletins. written media may be memos. posters. urgency. MMM. The ability of the voice to affect how something is said is known as paralanguage. The receiver’s response is based on his perception of the symbols based on his knowledge. facial expression. External communication media may be letters. belief and biases. In obtaining the message. serenity. Other factors that influence the choice of medium is importance. number of receivers. audio tapes. such as gestures.
For a communication to be effective the sender’s encoding process must mesh with the receiver’s decoding process i.e .effectiveness is a measure of reception coupled with understanding. Research has indicated that – 7% of the sender’s meaning is from the receiver’s perception and interpretation. 38% is conveyed by the receiver’s perception of sender’s voice. 55% is conveyed by the receiver’s interpretation of sender’s non-verbal cues. However, communication does not occur in a vacuum . There is always noise or barriers to communication. Noise is any activity, person or thing that disrupts or impedes communication process and it can occur if the sender and the receiver do not have a common frame of reference for communication.
Barriers to Effective Communication
There are a wide number of sources of noise or interference that can enter into the communication process which prevent the achievement of the desired result . Barriers to Communication can be classified into three groups :
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Barriers to reception Environmental stimuli The receiver’s attitudes and values The receiver’s needs and expectations Barriers to understanding : Language and semantic problems The ability of the receiver to listen and receive, especially messages which threatens his or her self concept. The length of the communication Status effects Barriers to acceptance : Prejudices Interpersonal conflicts between sender and receiver. The following are the sources of noise or barriers to communication : 1. Physical 2. Mechanical 3. Mental 4. Cross-cultural 5. Socio-psychological
1. Physical Barriers Environmental Disturbances like traffic noise, loud sound, passing train etc. Time and Distance Personal Problems of health Poor hearing ( due to defective hearing) Poor presentation due to speech defects like stammering, lisping etc. Poor verbal skills 2. Mechanical Barriers –
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Noisy transmission (unreliable messages, inconsistency) The different media (machines or instruments) used for communication, very often becomes the barrier. Nonavailability of proper machines or presence of defective machines. Wrong channels or medium 3. Mental Barriers – From the sender’s point of view ignorance of the language and confused thinking are the mental barriers. From the receiver’s point of view ignorance of the language, limitations in ability, intelligence understanding divided attention are the serious mental barriers.
Semantic Problems occur when people use either the same word in different ways, or different words in the same way. The choice of words or language in which a sender encodes a message will influence the quality of communication. Because language is a symbolic representation of a phenomenon, room for interpretation and distortion of the meaning exists. Meaning has to be given to words and many factors affect how an individual will attribute meaning to particular words. It is important to note that no two people will attribute the exact same meaning to the same words. Misreading of body language, tone and other non-verbal forms of communication Receiver distortion: selective hearing, ignoring nonverbal cues .
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Attitudes and Opinions • Pre-conceived notions : We judge people before they speak by allowing our opinions and ideas of them come in the way of trying to know what the speaker is saying. • Assumptions –i. projection. space. and privacy. erroneous translation.Pitch. projection. Perceptual Biases: People attend to stimuli in the environment in very different ways. distorted perceptions. distortions from the past. We each have shortcuts that we use to organize data.e. assuming others see situation same as you. Some of these shortcuts include stereotyping. state of mind of two people. Stereotyping is one of the most common.II. negative emotions • Distrusted source. Given some dramatic differences across cultures in approaches to such areas as time.doc Page 11 of 64 . and assumptions that operate across geographical lines. modulation of voice helps in making communication effective. has same feelings as you • Status effects : power struggles • Defensiveness. JBIMS 74592494. MMM.Effective Communication Voice control . guilt. motives. 4. and self-fulfilling prophecies. value judgment. the opportunities for miscommunication while we are in cross-cultural situations are plentiful. This is when we assume that the other person has certain characteristics based on the group to which they belong without validating that they in fact have these characteristics. Aurobindo . these shortcuts introduce some biases into communication. Invariably. transference. Cross Cultural Barriers – Effective communication requires deciphering the basic values. Values. Communicators thinking should be clear. aspirations.
People should be oriented to listen with attention and read with concentration. Words must be chosen in such a way that miscommunication is avoided.II. it must be clear and not heavily accented.Effective Communication Interpersonal Relationships: How we perceive communication is affected by the past experience with the individual. Perception is also affected by the organizational relationship two people have. For example. The sooner you obtain feedback the sooner will you be able to change your mode and manner of communication and make it more effective. Make sure you are using the proper channel of communication whether it is through written. communication from a superior may be perceived differently than that from a subordinate or peer Overcoming barriers to communication – If communication is oral. Semantic noises must be avoided.doc Page 12 of 64 . If instruments are used they should be in proper working condition. verbal or with visual aids. The ‘you’ attitude must be used on all occasions. MMM. Psychological barriers can be effectively overcome through persuasion. Action to be taken to overcome barriers of effective communication – Aurobindo . JBIMS 74592494. The communicator should try to reach the audience by speaking and writing from their point of view. All communication should try to persuade and not rush or overwhelm people. Proper arrangement must be made to obtain feedback.
understanding and acceptance of the message. we derive from the non-verbal cues that the other person gives. feelings and perceptions generated by the message. and be ALERT for all cues to this effect. Keep checking with sender. listen. Keep checking with the receiver. WHEN : Choose the best time for optimum reception.doc Page 13 of 64 . Be clear about what you need to communicate. JBIMS 74592494. MMM. WHERE : Choose a location which will not interfere with the reception. Aurobindo . HOW : Use language the receiver will understand and which unambiguous. Share OPINIONS. listen. LISTEN. Reading Nonverbal Communication Cues A large percentage (studies suggest over 90%) of the meaning we derive from communication. and listen again. Together Realize that misunderstandings are bound to occur. reception where necessary. Often a person says one thing but communicates something totally different through vocal intonation and body language.Effective Communication Sender WHO : To whom should the message go ? WHY : Why am I communicating ? what are my motives ? WHAT : Decide what to communicate.II. ASK for clarifications. TEST your understanding of the message. Receiver Be fully ATTENTIVE to sender Listen ACTIVELY to the messages being sent. These mixed signals force the receiver to choose between the verbal and nonverbal parts of the message.
and image Appearance . job status. MMM. in American culture the head going up and down whereas in India. age. Personal appearance convey impressions regarding occupation. aggressiveness. nationality.doc Page 14 of 64 .includes facial expression. and gestures. posture can indicate self-confidence. Similarly. Similarly appearance of written messages may impress the receiver as important. or anxiety. the receiver chooses the nonverbal aspects. Appearance of the surroundings has an effect on persons involved in the communication process. space. The face is the biggest part of this. Of course we can easily misread these cues especially when communicating across cultures where gestures can mean something very different in another culture. For example. fear. All of us "read" people's faces for ways to interpret what they say and feel.conveys non-verbal impressions that affect the receiver’s attitudes towards the verbal messages even before they read or hear them.II. social and economic levels.Effective Communication Most often. and good or poor judgments depending on circumstances. guilt. a side-to-side head movement might mean the same thing might indicate agreement. Mixed messages create tension and distrust because the receiver senses that the communicator is hiding something or is being less than candid. Nonverbal communication is made up of the following parts: Appearance Body Language Tactile Vocal Use of time. This fact becomes very apparent when we deal with someone with dark sunglasses. routine or junk mail. We also look to posture to provide cues about the communicator. JBIMS 74592494. we look at Aurobindo . posture. eye movement. Body Language .
We feel our "space" has been invaded. Vocal meanings vary across cultures. or in a classroom with our coat.. Think about how a subordinate and his/her boss would view arriving at a place for an agreed upon meeting. The "public zone" (over 12 feet) is used for lectures.Effective Communication gestures such as how we hold our hands. terror. People seek to extend their territory in many ways to attain power and intimacy. anger among other emotions.II. a kiss. a pat on the back. Use of Time as Nonverbal Communication: Use of time can communicate how we view our own status and power in relation to others. someone standing very close to us makes us uncomfortable. For Americans. the "intimate zone" is about two feet. We like to protect and control our territory.doc Page 15 of 64 . another anger . MMM. JBIMS 74592494. pen. At the risk of stereotyping. Arabs and Latins normally Aurobindo . The "personal zone" from about 2-4 feet usually is reserved for family and friends. or a handshake. Think of how many ways you can say "no"-you could express mild doubt. this can vary from culture to culture. paper. Many gestures are culture bound and susceptible to misinterpretation. an arm around the shoulder. etc. Intonation in one culture can mean support. we will generalize and state that Americans and Northern Europeans typify the noncontact group with small amounts of touching and relatively large spaces between them during transactions. Tactile: This involves the use of touch to impart meaning as in a handshake. or a hug. amazement. Vocal: The meaning of words can be altered significantly by changing the intonation of one's voice. The social zone (4-12 feet) is where most business transactions take place. Physical Space: For most of us. We tend to mark our territory either with permanent walls. This zone is reserved for our closest friends.
Skillful communicators understand the importance of nonverbal communication and use it to increase their effectiveness. etc. Pounding the table. facial expressions. etc. Nonverbal cues can differ dramatically Aurobindo . tone. as well as use it to understand more clearly what someone else is really saying. but from nonverbal factors such as gestures. we use "things" to communicate. photographs. Image: We use clothing and other dimensions of physical appearance to communicate our values and expectations Nonverbal Communication: A "majority" of the meaning we attribute to words comes not from the words themselves. body language. Nonverbal cues can play five roles: Repetition: they can repeat the message the person is making verbally Contradiction: they can contradict a message the individual is trying to convey Substitution: they can substitute for a verbal message. for example. a person's eyes can often convey a far more vivid message than words and often do Complementing: they may add to or complement a verbal message. plants. MMM. This can involve expensive things. A word of warning.Effective Communication stand closer together communication. neat or messy things.II. and do a lot of touching during Similarly.doc Page 16 of 64 . A boss who pats a person on the back in addition to giving praise can increase the impact of the message Accenting: non-verbal communication may accept or underline a verbal message. For example. can underline a message. JBIMS 74592494.
False or Don’t Know (unclear) or whether it is fact. Analyses of communication is necessary because. MMM. JBIMS . whether oral or written can be analyzed to determine whether it is True. the receiver. hearsay or opinion. ANALYSIS OF COMMUNICATION Any communication. which were intended. Both aspects of analyzing communication are inter-related.Effective Communication from culture to culture. after listening attentively or reading carefully. often wrong feedback is generated as a result of assuming or presuming something in the communication with possibly dangerous results. deceptive. An American hand gesture meaning "A-OK" would be viewed as obscene in some South American countries.II. erroneous. Immediate feedback may be given. 74592494. false or unclear. Any communication or part of the communication is : TRUE FALSE : : If it is an agreement with the fact that it is actual. must be able to decide whether the contents of the communication are true.doc Page 17 of 64 Aurobindo . accurate or correct. If it is wrong. When a communication is received. deceiving.
MMM. or judgment. LISTENING SKILLS Research has shown that people spend 48 % of their communication time in listening. this level drops off to 22%. When analyzing a communication do not : ASSUME : Take things said or written for granted at the face value or pretend to possess hidden information or to take upon yourself that you are right. If its is not clear and requires clarification from the sender before feedback is given. nor genuine nor real. listening is the most critical skills in the communication process.II.doc Page 18 of 64 . deed or event that has happened or is happening. Despite this.Effective Communication DON’T KNOW : untruthful. HEARSAY : If the communication relates to something which the communicator has only heard about ( but not having actually seen ) and reports thereafter. Aurobindo . or idea of the communicator. the communication to be entirely true. A communication is said to be a : FACT : If it relates to any act. or an estimation. OPINION : If it appears to be possibly true. or view. 18 % in reading and 12 % in writing. PRESUME : Take as true without examination of proof or assume or rely on or count on unduly. JBIMS 74592494. 22 % in speaking. the average listener understands and retains about half of what is said immediately after a presentation and within 48 hours. No feedback required. Hence..
the importance.Effective Communication Let us first look at the different types of listening . Figure shows two types of listening and three levels of listening intensity for both types. This listener hears the words. but not the feelings and the meaning of the words. The active listener’s full attention is on the content of the message and the intention of the speaker. the marginal listeners. The active listener hears and understands the message. They are the nonlisteners. but makes no effort to understand the intent of the speaker’s message. JBIMS 74592494. whereas interactive listening occurs when people have the opportunity to interact verbally with the speaker by asking questions or by summarizing. and the active listeners. or the significance of the information involved. Importance of Listening – Aurobindo .doc Page 19 of 64 . MMM. The non-listeners and the marginal listeners hear the words being spoken. The evaluative listener makes a sincere attempt to listen by paying attention to the speaker. The level of intensity reflects the relevance. or busy preparing their next statement. the evaluative listeners. These listeners are neither concerned with the message nor the context in which it is being presented. but are pre-occupied. Active listening occurs when a manager has little or no opportunity to interact verbally with the speaker.II. ACTIVE LEVELS OF INTENSITY INTERACTI VE Empathe Empathet tic ic Factual Factual Casual Casual Four types of listeners have been identified. uninterested.
BARRIERS TO LISTENING . poor or glaring lights. This gap allows the mind to wander to thoughts unrelated to those being expressed by the speaker and influences the ability of the receiver to accurately hear the message being sent Aurobindo . Good listening promotes understanding.m. External distraction – the physical environment affects listening. distracting background music etc. a listening gap occurs for the average person. Since the brain can listen faster than we can speak. attitude or belief is entirely contrary to the listener.Effective Communication To gain new information .We speak at an average speed of 125 w. Good listeners are better informed Good listening spares embarrassment. but our brain is able listen at a speed of 400 – 600 w. It is a courtesy extended by the listener to the speaker. To follow directions better and make fewer mistakes.doc Page 20 of 64 . Thinking speed . MMM.p. A good listener stands out like a beacon of courtesy and fine manners in a sea of competitive talkers.m.PHYSICAL BARRIERS Prejudice against the speaker – Attention is lost when the speaker’s position. Listening does not mean agreement.II. and thereby become more dependable. Among the negative factors are noisy fans.. JBIMS 74592494. ideas and data for decision making and thus aim at problem solving.p. which might distract the listener’s attention from the speaker’s message.. It is a conscious physical effort to pay attention and thereby understand.
or to description of surgical operation. Effective Listening skills There are a number of situations when you need to solicit good information from others. Detouring . and biases we carry within us. PSYCHOLOGICAL BARRIERS Premature evaluation . There are certain people who cannot listen to figures. impairs effective listening. attitudes.As a result of rapid thinking we race ahead to what we feel is the conclusion. JBIMS 74592494. The tendency to criticise speaker’s manner.popularly called as “Deaf Spots” prevent a person from taking in and retain certain ideas.Effective Communication Semantic Stereotypes – Internal reaction words vary from person to person. each list influenced by feelings. it shouts so loudly in the brain that effective listening is impaired. and finding out reasons for performance discrepancies. appearance. seeking to help an employee on work performance.II.doc Page 21 of 64 . Skill in communication involves a number of specific Aurobindo . MMM. some words cause negative reactions. solving work problems. We tune out the speaker because the words annoy us. We arrive at the concluding thought quickly – although often one that is quite different from that the speaker intended.Delivery style of the speaker can put off or create interest in the listeners. these situations include interviewing candidates. prejudices. We anticipate. Hence . to politics. Emotional blocks . voice etc.
tell a person that his behavior really upsets you.doc Page 22 of 64 .. repeat. be specific. The following lists some suggestions for effective listening when confronted with a problem at work: Listen openly and with empathy to the other person Judge the content.Effective Communication strengths. Don't totally control conversation. MMM. not invalidating ("You wouldn't understand"). not "I've heard you are no cooperative" Don't react to emotional words. paraphrase what the other is saying to make sure you understand it and check for understanding Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the employee's concern Attend to non-verbal cues. fight distractions Ask the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide. importance Be conjunctive. etc. not the messenger or delivery. your reactions.II. JBIMS 74592494.) Active body state. don't get angry) Be descriptive. not just words. comprehend before you judge Use multiple techniques to fully comprehend (ask. but interpret their purpose Practice supportive listening. not evaluative-describe objectively. consequences Be validating. not one way listening Decide on specific follow-up actions and specific follow up dates Aurobindo . listen between the lines Ask the other for his views or suggestions State your position openly. acknowledge other’s uniqueness. body language. not disjunctive (not "I want to discuss this regardless of what you want to discuss"). rephrase. not global Communicate your feelings but don't act them out (eg.. acknowledge what was said Own up: use "I". not "They".
acknowledges what was said. be patient Listen and Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the other's concern is validating. this is natural. acknowledge other’s uniqueness. Try to make adjustments to compensate for the likely defensiveness. avoidance among other responses. A skillful listener is aware of the potential for defensiveness and makes needed adjustment. This defensiveness can take the form of aggression.Effective Communication A major source of problem in communication is defensiveness. not the person. particularly with subordinates when you are dealing with a problem. He or she is aware that self-protection is necessary and avoids making the other person spend energy defending the self. competitiveness. Realize that when people feel threatened they will try to protect themselves. Be aware that defensiveness is common. In addition. not evaluative. a supportive and effective listener does the following: Stop Talking: Asks the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide. listens openly and with empathy to the employee. asks questions for clarification don't control conversation. JBIMS 74592494. asks for other's views and suggestions Looks at the person. not delivery or emotion Aurobindo .II. Effective communicators are aware that defensiveness is a typical response in a work situation especially when negative information or criticism is involved. let's the other finish before responding Focuses on the problem. is descriptive and specific. importance checks for understanding. is clear about his position. anger. MMM.doc Page 23 of 64 . paraphrases. not invalidating ("You wouldn't understand"). focuses on content.
doc Page 24 of 64 . postures. listen between the lines React to the message. aware of non-verbal cues. gestures and spatial messages. not the person. (Read assignment) ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION What is Assertiveness? Aurobindo .Effective Communication Attend to emotional as well as cognitive messages (e. listeners receive the other 93 % through nonverbal means. etc.. anger). delivery or emotion Make sure you comprehend before you judge. MMM. body language.g. Birdwhistell suggested that spoken words account for no more than 30 –35 % of all social interaction. Nonverbal communication can be divided into facial expressions.II.. Decide on specific followup actions and specific follow up dates LISTENING TO NON-VERBAL MESSAGES The renowned communication researcher found that only 7 % of a message’s effect is carried by words. JBIMS 74592494. ask questions Use many techniques to fully comprehend Stay in an active body state to aid listening Fight distractions ( if in a work situation) Take Notes.
some is extremely aggressive (at the other end).Effective Communication It is a behaviour which helps us to communicate clearly and confidently our needs. aggressive and manipulative behaviour. it's a middle ground between being a bully and a doormat. Some behavior is extremely passive (at one end of the continuum). JBIMS 74592494. attitudes.II. something predictable will occur. It is an alternative to passive. in a way that doesn't infringe on the rights of others. however. Or in other words . It's dependent on a feeling of self-efficacy. There is a big difference between these two concepts. that it is not nice to consider our own needs above those of others. It's not aggressiveness. It is useful to think of a continuum (below) along which the whole range of human behavior lies.Assertiveness is the ability to honestly express your opinions. or that we shouldn't "make waves". that if someone says or does something that we don't like. Assertiveness is often confused with aggressiveness.doc Page 25 of 64 . MMM. we should just be quiet and try to stay away from that person in the future. Why is Assertiveness Important? If you don't know how to be assertive. a sense that if you behave in a certain way. you might experience – Aurobindo . wants and feelings to other people without abusing in any way their human rights. and some (assertive) lies somewhere in between: passive<------------>Assertive<-----------> AGGRESSIVE. feelings. Where does non-assertive behavior come from? Many of us are taught that we should always please and/or defer to others. and rights. without undue anxiety.
Anxiety. the more important it is to be assertive. their Aurobindo . From anger turned inward. Anger at others for manipulating or taking advantage of me. Physical complaints. MMM.doc Page 26 of 64 . No one is a mind reader. relationships. job opportunities. and assertiveness. We all know what stress does to our bodies. it builds up until it blows. JBIMS 74592494. The same is true for friendships and work relationships. which leads to avoidance. Kids are born knowing how to test the limits their parents set for them. a sense of being helpless. their kids will walk all over them! Selective Assertiveness: Most people find it easier to be assertive in some situations than in others. It's a lot easier to hold your ground with a stranger than with someone you love who might get angry if you express your true feelings. Parenting problems. If you can't express anger appropriately. is a great stress reliever. If you begin to avoid situations or people that you know will make you uncomfortable. with no control over your life. Assertive behaviors lead to increased respect from others. Resentment. hopeless. If parents aren't assertive and firm. ulcers. high blood pressure. Poor relationships of all kinds.II. This makes perfect sense. you may miss out on fun activities. But the more important the relationship is to you.Effective Communication Depression. Non-assertive people are often unable to express emotions of any kind. Frustration. It's murder for a relationship when the partners can't tell each other what they want and need and how the other person affects them. Headaches. when it becomes a habit. How could I be such a wimp? Why did I let someone victimize me? Temper/violence. and lots of other good stuff. negative OR positive.
I find myself feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. respectful.” “I've noticed lately that after we've been working on a project together. you have to decide if you can live with the consequences. Then you might say something like – “I need to tell you something and I'd like you to hear me out before you comment. remember that the other person is used to your behaving in a certain way. then you may decide you can't afford to be assertive. assertive behavior might set him off and you could lose your job.Effective Communication willingness to see you as a person who respects him/herself. JBIMS 74592494. without insisting on considering some of my ideas as well. and learn other stress management techniques. If that's your situation. a worthwhile person. For example.II. Although assertive behaviour usually will result in a positive response.” From now on I'm going to try something different. some people might react negatively to it. Why not tell the other person up front what you're trying to do? It helps to choose a peaceful moment for this. When I start to get those frustrated feelings. and may be thrown for a loop or thoroughly confused when you change your communication style. MMM. Setting the stage: If you're planning to try assertive behavior.doc Page 27 of 64 . if your boss is completely unreasonable and is known to go ballistic if anyone dares question his orders. I'm going to ask that we stop before making a final decision and be sure we have considered all the options. because I'm afraid of upsetting you. a more loveable person! Is assertiveness always the best way to go? Before you decide to act assertively in a given situation. I've been thinking about it and I've realized that I often go along with your ideas. Aurobindo . even non-aggressive.
"I know that you get anxious when you're all ready to go and I'm not. will you please just go to another room and read the paper or watch TV? From now on. Statement of problem: This piece describes your difficulty/dissatisfaction. even if it's not yet the time we had planned to leave." Discussions . From the above example. By the time we get in the car. ask you to go to another room." How can anyone argue with that statement? Techniques: Case"I've noticed that whenever we're preparing to go somewhere.” 2. Aurobindo . and it takes the wind out of their sails. I know this is going to seem weird at first.There are three parts of each assertive intervention: 1. but I really think it's fair and I know I'll do a better job and feel better about myself if I can tell you about my ideas. you start rushing me to finish dressing as soon as you're ready. we're mad at each other and not much in the mood to have a good time. let's be sure we know what time we want to leave. and if you're ready before I am. JBIMS 74592494.II. if you come into the bedroom or bathroom before it's time to leave and start asking me to hurry up.Effective Communication I know that will be a change for you. and close the door until I'm ready. MMM. tells why you need something to change. I get all flustered and take even more time. but when you do that. I'm just going to remind you of the time.doc Page 28 of 64 . This shows them that you're not trying to pick a fight. I know you get anxious when you're all ready to go and I'm not. but I bet we'll enjoy our outings a lot more over the long run. Empathy / validation: Try to say something that shows your understanding of the other person's feelings. From now on.
Face the other person. but serious facial expression. I get all flustered and take even more time. By the time we get in the car. direct." or "I believe the best policy is to…" instead of "The only sensible thing is to …" Make clear.." or "Did you know that shirt has some spots?" instead of "You're not going out looking like THAT. feeling. will you please just go to another room and read the paper or watch TV?" How to be effectively assertive: Use assertive body language. "From now on. let's be sure we know what time we want to leave. Example: "Your punctuation needs work and your formatting is inconsistent" instead of "This is sloppy work. Use "I" statements. stand or sit straight. we're mad at each other and not much in the mood to have a good time. For example. Example: "I get angry when he breaks his promises. "… but when you do that. ?" instead of "Would you mind … ?" or "Why don't you … ?" Admit errors Give and take fair criticism Give and take complements easily Aurobindo .Effective Communication For example. be sure you have a pleasant.doc Page 29 of 64 . Example: "I'd like to be able to tell my stories without interruption. Example: "Will you please . not judgments." 3. JBIMS 74592494. requests.. keep your voice calm and soft. Keep the focus on the problem you're having.II. don't use dismissive gestures. are you?" Express ownership of your thoughts. and opinions. Statement of what you want: This is a specific request for a specific change in the other person's behavior." instead of "You're always interrupting my stories!" Use facts. not on accusing or blaming the other person. Don't invite the person to say no." instead of "He makes me angry. not whiney or abrasive. and if you're ready before I am. MMM.
how the other person is behaving RIGHT NOW.II.Effective Communication Look for solutions while dealing with a problem & not beat about the bush. when you need to keep living together. Using the broken record. Don't get pulled into arguing or trying to explain yourself." You: "You're right." Then no matter what the clerk says. etc. Example: "You're getting off the point. With significant others. you walk into the store and say "I decided I don't need this and I'd like my money back. then assertively give your response. you keep repeating "I decided I don't need this and I'd like my money back. don't you think you should wear longer skirts? They're the style now. Trust me. You agree with some of the fact. it works! Fogging: This is a way to deflect negative. MMM. I'm starting to feel frustrated because I feel like you're not listening. skirts are longer now. This lets you ignore manipulation." Aurobindo . but the clerk first questions your decision. Fogging is great for avoiding fights and making people stop criticizing." If she doesn't get it. Use it when someone's not listening or trying to use humor or a distraction to avoid the issue. and irrelevant logic. JBIMS 74592494." Agree with as much of the facts as you want to. Special techniques for difficult situations: Broken record: Keep repeating your point. Example: You are taking something back to a store that you know gives refunds. Example: Mom: "Your skirt is awfully short. manipulative criticism. simply ask to speak to a manager and say the same thing.doc Page 30 of 64 . but retain the right to choose your behavior. instead. it's best to quietly hear them out. tries to imply that there's something wrong with you because you changed your mind. Content to Process Shift:: This means that you stop talking about the problem and bring up. using a low level. tells you that she can only give a store credit. but don’t agree to change your skirt length. pleasant voice. baiting.
. Assertive inquiry / stop action: This is similar to the content to process shift. MMM. if they try to stay with it. This helps prevent distractions.II.. How did we get from my stats problem to you being tired of my interruptions?" The real problem. Let's talk about this later.Effective Communication Defusing: Letting someone cool down before discussing an issue.” Specificity: It's really important to be very clear about what you want done. Summarization: This helps to make sure you understand the other person. Example: "Can you help me with this statistics problem? Man. is not the stats problem. JBIMS 74592494.doc Page 31 of 64 . Now that topic is open for discussion and they're becoming aware of how their arguments escalate." Aurobindo . how did we get into this argument?" This helps to identify the real issue when the argument is actually about something bigger than the immediate topic. what just happened?. Example: "The thing I really wish is that you'd pick your clothes up off the floor. Example: "So what you're trying to tell me is. "Let's hold it for a minute. will you just get off my back? You know how much I have to do today! Why is it such a problem to take 15 minutes to help me with this? You told me last night that you would! I get so tired of you always asking me to do these things right when I'm in the middle of something! Whoa. let's take a break here. you always have the right to walk away. Example: "I can see that you're upset." Also. and I can even understand part of your reaction. something isn't working.. it's timing.
that if you do something in a particular way. you probably won't need to use these techniques very much. and say it in a way that will make others want to respond nicely. As people practice assertive communication.Effective Communication One of the most common problems in communications is caused by trying to read people's minds or expecting them to read yours. you will wonder how you ever got along before you started using it. Do you remember the self-efficacy part from the beginning of this piece? The belief. COMMUNICATION STYLES Assertion is a style of communication. If you want people to respond to your ideas and needs.doc Page 32 of 64 . and burst into flame.II. and they will treat you with respect. We all have learned different styles of communication as we have adapted to the various situations of our lives. you can crank it up a notch and use it all the time. you have to be able to say what they are. try it first with people you don't know. If it's really scary to think about being assertive. Though there are times when it is best to be passive and times when it is best to be aggressive. the results will probably be so encouraging that you will begin to believe in your effectiveness. People can sense it when you respect yourself. but you muster your courage and try some of these techniques in situations that are not hugely threatening. When assertiveness becomes a habit. And that is the ultimate goal of assertive communication. Once you become comfortable with assertive behaviors in less threatening situations. If some of our styles of communication do not work well in our current situation. in most situations it works best to communicate assertively. they can be changed and replaced with new behaviors. The nicest thing about all of this is that after you've become truly assertive. you can almost see that little spark of self-respect glimmer. JBIMS 74592494. MMM. take hold. Think of someone you know who is assertive and pretend you are that person. flicker. you will be effective? Even if you don't believe that now. Aurobindo .
MMM. that is. This is what I feel. Aggression Aurobindo . and beliefs and consequently permitting others to violate oneself or expressing one’s thoughts and feelings in such an apologetic.doc Page 33 of 64 . I’m nothing – you are superior.” The goal of passivity is to appease others and to avoid conflict at any cost.” The goal of assertion is communication and mutuality. feelings and beliefs in direct. self-effacing manner that others can easily disregard them.Effective Communication DEFINITIONS (from Lange & Jakubowski) Assertion standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts. thoughts.II. and appropriate ways that do not violate another person’s rights. This is how I see the situation. The basic message of assertion is: “This is what I think. to get and give respect. honest. diffident. and to leave room for compromise when the rights and needs of two persons conflict. My thoughts aren’t important . The basic message of passivity is “My feelings don’t matter only yours do. Passivity violating one’s own rights by failing to express honest feelings. JBIMS 74592494. to ask for fair play.yours are the only ones worth listening to.
This is what I feel – your feelings don’t count. Winning is ensured by humiliating. use of illustrative gestures. cringing/or physically making yourself small (hang-dog posture). Assertive content with passive process will communicate passivity. This is what I want what you want is not important. feelings.Effective Communication directly standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts. MMM. Passive: No eye contact (or indirect evasive eye contact). or overpowering other people so that they become weaker or less able to express and defend their needs and rights.II. use of nervous or childish gestures. Some examples of important process variables include: Assertion: Direct but non-invasive eye contact. usually inappropriate. modulated voice. forcing the other person to lose. and always violates the rights of others. belittling. The goal of aggression is domination and winning. JBIMS 74592494. Aurobindo . IMPORTANCE OF PROCESS The major impact of interpersonal communication comes not from what we say (content) but from how we say it (process). degrading.doc Page 34 of 64 . and beliefs in a way that is often dishonest. The basic message of aggression is: “This is what I think you’re stupid for believing differently. an erect but relaxed posture. soft/whiny/or muffled voice. respect for spatial boundaries.
MMM. They feel guilty of taking advantage of you. they restrict their contact with you. Effects in others Initially others feel sorry for you. or will not be implemented successfully. posture. stiff. hurt and self-pity Internal tension of nervousness and anxiety. or delayed for too long. Difficult decisions may well be avoided. Effects on organisation. loud strident voice. use of aggressive gestures (parental finger). Aurobindo .Effective Communication Aggressive: Invasive/angry staring-eye contact. Thereafter they cease to respect you. Long Terms effects on self are – Low self esteem Increase in anger. Conflicts will not be handled to the satisfaction of both parties.doc Page 35 of 64 . Then they get irritated with you. towering over others. EFFECTS OF BEHAVIOUR Submissive or Passive Behaviour: Short Term effects on self are – Reduction in anxiety because you have avoided potential conflict Escape from feeling of guilt You feel sorry for your self You feel a false sense of pride that you take on a lot of work. invasion of spatial boundaries.II. JBIMS 74592494. Finally. “muscled up”.
doc Page 36 of 64 . JBIMS 74592494.Effective Communication Problems not tackled early enough increase almost beyond control. Long Term effects on self are – Blaming others constantly. When seniors behave aggressively towards each other. then everyone tries to “play politics”. Aggressive Behaviour: Short term effects on self are – Reduction in tension due to release of pent-up emotions.II. They restrict their contact with you. they will find it difficult to cope. Fewer initiatives will be taken. hurt and humiliation. Being drained of energy Hate and mistrust of others Lack of good and lasting friends. They retaliate or they retreat and rebel silently. Assertive Behaviour: Aurobindo . so that out-dated methods will be retained and opportunities lost. A sense of achievement and power where aggression appears to be successful. When newly promoted subordinates are required to behave aggressively. MMM. Effects on Organisations : Talented subordinates will leave sooner or later. Effects on others They feel anger. They take fewer initiatives.
You have a right to express your own wants. needs. MMM. 3. Improved feelings of personal security Increased opportunities for all round success Effects on others are Mutual respect between you and others. Reduced interpersonal conflicts. and ideas. Assertive behavior is often confused with aggressive behavior. Assertive behavior aims to equalize the balance of power. Increased trust and responsibility by others. Greater confidence in others.Effective Communication Short Term and Long Term effects on self are – Increased opportunity at fulfilling your needs and wants Greater self-confidence due to high self-esteem. 2. Increase in overall effectiveness. Assertive behavior includes expressing your legitimate rights as an individual. Aurobindo . JBIMS 74592494. Effects on organisation : Better negotiation and decision making capabilities. however. not to “Win the Battle” by putting down the other person or rendering them helpless. IDEAS TO KEEP IN MIND 1. Greater initiatives at improving situations at work High quality and practical solutions to problems. Greater chances of acceptance by others.doc Page 37 of 64 . assertion does not involve hurting the other person physically or emotionally. Better and effective co-operation.II.
Maintaining an erect posture. you open the way for honest relationships with others. An assertive encounter with another individual may involve negotiating an agreeable compromise. 7. 10. A major component of the effect of your communication depends on “how you say” it. Assertive body language includes: Maintaining direct eye contact.II. When you do not ask others to change a problem behavior. and ideas.doc Page 38 of 64 . 8. Assertive behavior is a skill that can be learned and maintained with practice. It is necessary to request that others change behavior that does not work. 5. JBIMS 74592494. ASKING FOR BEHAVIOR CHANGE One specific type of assertive behavior is a request for behavior change. Not using a soft. but it is often difficult for people to make such requests: 1. By behaving assertively. Your communication style is a set of learned behaviors.) 2. 9. whiny. 6. (They also have the right to refuse. Remember: Other individuals have a right to respond to your assertiveness with their own wants. needs. For example: You may need to ask a room-mate to turn down the stereo so you can study. you risk allowing the behavior to continue and your relationship Aurobindo . Using facial expressions and gestures to add emphasis to your words. Assertive words accompanied by appropriate assertive “body language” make your message more clear and have more impact. Assertive behavior is not only determined by “what you say”. Speaking clearly and audibly.Effective Communication 4. You have a right to ask for behavior change from others. MMM. or muffled voice.
.. (describe how the behavior concretely effects you).. or waiting until you are “fed up” and starting a fight. 5. OK? . I will also make an effort to be considerate of your needs”).Effective Communication to be strained. I’D PREFER . You may wish to follow requests for behavior change with statements of logical consequences (“If you turn down the radio when I need to study... 3.. clear speech. at the same time they build clear communication and more effective relationships. When asking for behavior change use an “I message” format: WHEN . MMM.doc Page 39 of 64 .. Requests for behavior change protect your rights. (or synonymous request for closure). Demonstrate assertive body language when asking for behavior change: direct eye contact. 4. (objectively describe the other’s behavior) THE EFFECTS ARE . erect posture... (describe how you feel). (describe an alternate behavior you prefer).. JBIMS 74592494.II. I FEEL . Aurobindo .
directs. channels behaviour towards goals. activates. Direct and influence choices people make. Goals / Incentives – At the end of the motivational cycle is the goal/incentive. Motivation is a process that starts with a psychological deficiency or need that activates a behaviour or a drive that is aimed at a goal or incentive.Effective Communication MOTIVATION A motive is an inner state that energizes. Motives influence behaviour in the following ways : Serve to energize and arouse action Serve as goals / intentions in carrying out jobs/tasks. The example s of the need for food and water are translated into hunger and thirst drives. Needs set up drives aimed at incentives and feedback is provide to reduce dis-equillibrium. moves. -Bernard Beralson and Gary A Steiner. there is a physiological or Drives or motives are set up to alleviate needs.II. They are at the very heart of the motivational process. defines as anything that will alleviate a need and reduce a drive. Physiological or psychological drives are action oriented and provide an energizing thrust towards reaching an incentive/goal. JBIMS Page 40 of 64 . DRIVES (Deprivation with direction ) ) GOALS (Reduction drives) NEEDS (Deprivation) Needs are created whenever psychological imbalance. Influence learning of new behaviour MMM.
these general needs induce the person to increase the amount of stimulation.Effective Communication Have a heavy learning component. The same is true in an organizational level. thirst.II. Manipulation and Activity motives – It is generally recognised that these motives in human beings are quite intense. General Motives are a number of motives that lie in the grey area between the primary and the secondary motives. 2. General motives are more relevant to OB than primary motives – The Curiosity. Manipulation and Activity motives The Affection Motive 3. JBIMS Page 41 of 64 . Primary Motives 2. The most commonly recognised primary motives are hunger. the total society might become very stagnant. avoidance of pain and maternal concern. MMM. While primary needs seek to reduce the tension or stimulation. These motives are unlearned but not physiologically based. sleep. sex. General Motives The Curiosity. TYPES OF MOTIVES 1. Primary Motives are motives that are unlearned and physiologically based. Are amenable to change through experience with the work environment. If these motives are stifled or inhibited. Secondary Motives Power Motive Achievement Motive Affiliation Motive 1.
The need to manipulate others or the drive for superiority over others. and to a lesser degree the general drives. Leading advocate – Alfred Adler. As a human society develops economically and becomes more complex. JBIMS Page 42 of 64 .Effective Communication The Affection Motive . but the most important of them are POWER. and where quality of life. Adler developed the concept of inferiority complex and compensation. The Power Motive . In a world where we suffer from interpersonal. A motive must be learned in order to be included in this category. The Achievement Motive – can be expressed as a desire to perform in terms of a standard of excellence to be successful in competitive situations. and human rights are becoming increasingly important to modern society. 3.Love and affection is a very complex form of general drive. the two rule all behaviour. the affection motive takes an added importance in the study of human behaviour. intra-individual conflict. the primary drives. The person’s lifestyle is characterized by striving to compensate for feeling of inferiority. when this feeling of inferiority is combined with the need for superiority. He felt tat every small child experiences a sense of inferiority . ACHIEVEMENT and AFFILIATION.A drive for superiority or power. give way to the learned secondary drives in motivating behaviour. Numerous important human motives meet this criterion. Secondary Motives are unquestionably the most important. which are combined with innate drive for power. Characteristics of a high achiever – Moderate risk taking Need for immediate feedback Satisfaction with accomplishment MMM. family values.II.
It manifests itself through symbols. JBIMS Page 43 of 64 . profession Possessions – wealth. Corporate communication keeps in touch with the stakeholders. How to Communicate ? – mailers. the status or prestige motive is especially relevant to a dynamic society. property Authority and power – formal position. letters etc. The Security Motive . COMMUNICATING WITH STAKEHOLDERS Who are the stakeholders ? Why communicate with them ? Times are changing and we have to change with time.the state of affairs. Achievements – education. beauty. The sources of status are – family background – caste . The Status Motive – Along with security. brochures. physique. general and secondary motives. Status is the relative ranking a person holds in a group. This motive is an important part of group dynamics. MMM.II.Effective Communication Preoccupations with the task The Affiliation Motive. organisation or society. class Physical qualities – Race.can be described as need for sense of belonging and plays a very complex but vital role in human behaviour.People have learned security motive to protect themselves from the contingencies of life and actively try hard to avoid situations that would prevent them from satisfying their primary. What to communicate ? .
4. Shareholders 2.Effective Communication External Stakeholders 1. Suppliers 6. Trade Unions. Helpage India. Social Organisations – NGOs. JBIMS Page 44 of 64 . Regulatory bodies. AAI. Trade Organisations – CII. FICCI. Impart training and provide employment. The Community Business draws resources from community Provides employment Business has social responsibility towards community. Obtain donation Business organisations support social organisations Business organisations get tax benefits. 9. CULTURAL COMMUNICATION MMM. Public Institutions – Financial Institutions. JV Partners 7. The Government 3. IATA. AIMA.II. 8. IBA. Customers – people who keep us in business – internal and external 5. CRY etc.
Terrence Deal and Allen Kennedy : Corporate Culture –Rites and Rituals of Corporate Life RESOLVING CONFLICT THROUGH COMMUNICATION Causes of Conflict • • • limited resources different needs.II. therefore to be taught to new members as the correct way to perceive. think and feel in relation to the problems. recognition. . Culture is a set of practice and rituals which has gained acceptance over a period of time. discovered or developed by given group as it learns to cope with its problems of external adaption and internal integration that has worked well enough to be considered valid. demands attempts to meet basic needs for personal fulfillment: belonging-loving. -Edgar Schein : Organisation Culture and Leadership. sharing and cooperating with others powerachievement. respect freedompersonal choice fun-pursuit of pleasure MMM. accomplishment. wishes. CULTURAL NETWORK : A communication system through which cultural values are instituted and reinforced.Effective Communication Culture is pattern of basic assumptions invented. HEROES – Standard bearers who exemplify values. JBIMS Page 45 of 64 . drives. and. RITES & RITUALS – Ceremonies through which values are celebrated to strengthen the importance of values. COMPONENTS OF “STRONG” CULTURE VALUES – Beliefs and visions of members .
2. • • Very few of the actions that occur after the opening move are attempts to avoid or evade the violence. Very few peers attempted to stop it. A triggering event occurs. • • • • The offender views/interprets this as an event that requires him or her to "save face. The third party may be bystanders or friends. Violence escalates rapidly." · A "character contest" develops in which neither participant will back down. most involve actions such as minor slights. social.II. This action may be taken by the student. Invitations or challenges to fight are offered and accepted. In two-thirds of cases. Most commonly. Participants often make a deliberate choice to be violent.Effective Communication • • different values beliefs priorities principles cultural. • This is the action that starts the violent incident. or teasing. JBIMS Page 46 of 64 . there is agreement to fight before the fight begins. Hitting is the most common opening move. peers that were standing by encouraged the violence or even joined in. but even these can result in "aggravated assault" or "homicide. "Opening moves" are made. mental and physical attributes other influences media influences culture that accepts violent behavior absence of conflict resolution / communication skills Anatomy of a Conflict 1. antagonist or third party. MMM. Common patterns of events follow the opening moves. Participants seem to accept that conflict/violence is called for. 3." The triggering event is often trivial.
MMM. retaliation. 4. To promote one's image. biting. To restore "justice." retribution. • • • • "Punishing" the antagonist for something he or she did (of all the goals for fighting. retribution is the most common). Justifications 1. The primary justification given for violence: "He/she deserved it. grabbing. hitting with a fist are the most common behaviors. To defend oneself or others.II. Justifications and Excuses for Fighting • • More than 80 percent of students felt their actions were justified. Sixteen percent of students made an excuse for their actions. 2. yet seldom given as the excuse for the fight. JBIMS Page 47 of 64 . 3. Common emotions: anger is more common than fear. followed by pushing." The antagonist's guilt is neutralized when he/she feels that the victim "deserved it." Comes from an underlying value system in which violence is acceptable. shoving.Effective Communication • • Common behavior: kicking. To gain compliance • Convincing the antagonist to desist from an offensive course of action.
Your choice affects the outcome. Think about a conflict as more than just a fight or an argument.II.Effective Communication • By saving face. Most conflicts offer choices about different actions that can be taken. Why is it important to think about the way your response will affect your relationship? (Most conflicts occur among family members. or enhancing or maintaining one's reputation.) Responding to Conflict Soft Hard Principled MMM. Wanted money. Reluctant-pushed into the incident by aggressors. This is a win-win solution. Excuses • • • • Free will was impaired by anger. Most conflict situations can be resolved so that neither party is hurt and both parties are satisfied. JBIMS Page 48 of 64 . The responses of those involved determine the outcome of the conflict situation. Didn't mean to do it. friends or acquaintances. Free will was impaired by alcohol. What is likely to happen as a result of the responses of both sides? Is this a harmful or beneficial consequence? Focus on the effect of the actions taken during the conflict on the relationship between the people involved. Responding to Conflict Important Concepts • • • • You have a choice. defending one's honor. Focus on the actual or potentially harmful consequences.
shoving · Giving in · Listening · Anger-yelling.violence may parties are met doubting. avoiding · · Negotiating · pushing. self. JBIMS Page 49 of 64 . threatening · · Withdrawing.II.Effective Communication · Forcing. occur. · EXAMPLES of CompromisingUnderstanding · Demanding-insist RESPONSES agreeing to Respecting · on own way · something that Resolving to meet Pressuring-bribe. money) Loser sees self as a "victim. let both are met." is Physical damage or Interests of both EFFECTS ON SELF disillusioned. of another) Lose. Aggressionignoring. feels powerless Harms relationship. attack person's needs are someone else-bully Win-Win (needs of EFFECTS ON met at the expense others. RELATIONSHIPS of another) Loseresentment build neither is hurt) Lose (both are up until he/she is a hurt) walking powder keg Lose-Win (one Win-Lose (one person's needs are person's needs are Win-Win (needs of met at the expense met at the expense OUTCOMES both are met. does not really both parties needs punishment meet needs (withdrawal of love. Loser Win-Lose (one may leave. fearful.of another) Loseneither is hurt) Lose (no one's Lose (both are needs are met) hurt) Conflict Resolution through Communication MMM.
dress. blaming and criticizing. passive communicators often have slumped posture and a lack of eye contact. Assertive people exhibit erect posture and direct eye contact. pointing and a glaring look are nonverbal signals of aggressive communication. intimidating or even physical violence. JBIMS Page 50 of 64 . Signs. adolescents may be unable to release their feelings. Assertive people will say what they think and stand up for their beliefs without hurting others. facial expressions and gestures are examples of nonverbal messages. Forward-leaning posture. This lack of communication can increase stress and lower self-esteem.Effective Communication Communication Styles Without adequate communication skills. body movements. Aggressive people try to get their way through bullying. The verbal MMM. There are three styles of communication: • • • passive assertive aggressive Passive communication involves the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings. The aggressive style of communication involves overreaction.II. symbols. Passive people will do something they don't want to do or make up an excuse rather than say how they feel. The nonverbal messages reinforce what the speaker is saying. They do not or will not consider the rights of others. For example. Assertive behavior involves standing up for oneself. posture. Types of Messages There are two types of messages that accompany each style of communication: nonverbal and verbal.
People who are passive will often ask questions to determine what others want. There are a variety of refusal strategies. People who are aggressive often use you-statements to blame or criticize. but I would like to another time. Examples of I-messages: • • I want to see Star Wars. I-messages state what the sender thinks. Components of Assertive Communication The components of verbal messages for assertive communication include I-messages and refusals. and I'm sorry I can't have one." Assertive communicators use I-messages to say what they want or need. thanks.II. They use refusal skills to say no while maintaining important relationships. Building Active Listening Skills There are two components of a spoken message: MMM. needs. Examples of refusals: • • • No. I'm allergic to peanuts. feels. wants or believes.Effective Communication messages for each communication style are very different. Let the other person know you want to stay friends. They begin with the word I. JBIMS Page 51 of 64 . including: • • • Say the word no firmly. "I don't care. The cookies look really delicious. I feel angry about the game. or they may say. I can't sleep over on Friday. No. Repeat no (if needed).
The listener climbs into the other person's shoes for a minute to see where she or he is coming from. The sender may wonder: Am I being understood? Is what I really mean to say getting across? The receiver may question: Am I understanding you? Am I accurately interpreting what you are saying and feeling? The solution lies in checking it out. Step Two-Giving feedback: Feedback tests the accuracy of the interpretation. the receiver has to test that understanding. To be sure that the message was clearly understood. The listener must empathize. Passive Listening MMM. imagine what the sender feels. There are two steps to active listening. How the listener understands and interprets the message determines the response.II.Effective Communication • • content-the words that are used feelings-how the words are expressed Problems may arise in sending and receiving messages. Active listening is listening with the purpose of understanding the message. JBIMS Page 52 of 64 . Problems may arise in sending and receiving messages. be sensitive. The sender may wonder: Am I being understood? Is what I really mean to say getting across? The receiver may question: Am I understanding you? Am I accurately interpreting what you are saying and feeling? The solution lies in checking it out. Active vs. the speaker can let the receiver know. If the response indicates that the receiver has interpreted the speaker incorrectly. decoding and giving feedback. the receiver summarizes what was heard and seeks to clarify anything not understood. Step One-Decoding: deciding what emotion has been communicated. In giving feedback.
It means becoming involved in the speaker's concern. Be aware of what your body language is saying. It means paying close attention to the speaker. if you say you are interested in what the speaker has to say. Active listening is stopping the sender when necessary to be sure you understand what has been said and letting senders know whether you have understood what they really mean." How do you use this skill? Display a non-judgmental attitude. For example. It is listening to hear the real meaning behind what is said. are you yawning. Use a respectful. JBIMS Page 53 of 64 .II. thumbing through a magazine.Effective Communication Active listening means listening to understand and testing the understanding of what was heard and observed. "You feel pretty worried about your math grade. returns to his seat. for example. "I realize you have a problem. looking out the window while he or she is talking or doing other things that make it look like you're not really interested? Examples Matt turns in his math test. I'd really like to be helpful…. puts his face down on the desk and says. Passive listening is just hearing everything that is said without responding." His friend Jenn says. Make eye contact. huh?" MMM. "Man! I blew it. interested tone of voice. Using Active Listening Skills When do you use this skill? Active listening is used when the other person has a problem that doesn't conflict with your needs.
As the problem becomes clearer. An accurate use of active listening skills will take the sender to the heart of the problem. It provides an opening for Matt to talk more about his concern and begin to think about what to do about it. means taking the initiative or first MMM." "You want…" "You think. "You feel pretty worried about your math grade.. Sample phrases to use for active listening include: "You feel.Effective Communication The response.." "It sounds like you're saying." "You wish…" The active listening process at work: "You feel pretty worried about your math grade?" Who "owns" problem? You the Identify and give feedback about the Describe the facts feeling about your math feel pretty worried grade? Assertiveness Skills What is the difference between assertiveness (confrontation) and aggressiveness? Assertiveness. or confrontation.. which shows that Jenn has picked up on Matt's feeling. JBIMS Page 54 of 64 . the sender can begin to get over the feelings and focus on what to do. huh?" is an example of an active listening response..II...
Assertiveness attacks the problem.II. It is a destructive desire to dominate another person or to force a position or viewpoint on another person. However.Effective Communication steps to deal with a problem in a constructive. not the person. JBIMS Page 55 of 64 . Your purpose is to address the behavior. rather than destructive. Using I-messages to be assertive is constructive. it's a particular behavior of the person that you don't like. Aggressiveness attacks the other person rather than the problem. You may like the person." creating a win-win situation. not to "dress down" the person. The Importance of I-messages I-messages are designed to deal with problems. When do you use assertiveness skills? These skills can be used when another's behavior is not acceptable or when continued "listening and accepting" isn't appropriate. It helps people deal with problem behavior in a way that allows the other person to agree to change while not damaging the relationship. It expresses the attitude "I am not going to give up my needs and I'm willing to help you meet your needs. How do you use this skill? The goal is to get other people to change their behavior without putting them down or making them feel badly toward you. MMM. it starts fights or quarrels. People often avoid confronting others about their behavior because they don't want to hurt the relationship. self-protective manner. avoiding problems may cause bad feelings to build and may result in an explosion or withdrawal from the relationship. The purpose of an I-message is to express your needs.
A description of the behavior. Hints for Successful I-messages • • • Be specific in describing the problem behavior Make eye contact Use a respectful tone of voice. An I-message is disarming. to get even. What is it the other person is doing that gives you a problem? You are describing something to the other person. a "you" message blames others and puts them on the defensive. not an aggressive or confrontational tone MMM. Then they want to retaliate. Give the other person a clear idea of what he has done without extra blame or guilt added. JBIMS Page 56 of 64 . Steps in Using I-Messages There are three parts to delivering an I-message. What concrete problem is the behavior causing you? If you can help other people see how their behavior effects you. On the other hand. How does what the other person is doing affect you? A description of the effects produced by the behavior. although sometimes not all three parts are used. Imessages tell others that their behavior is interfering with something you need (not just something that you want). then they are more likely to change the behavior.Effective Communication I-messages attempt to deal with the problem situation by talking about it in terms of what is happening to me-I've got a problem. It's hard for someone to say something nasty in response to a good I-message.II. A description of the feeling this behavior causes you. not blaming her or him for something.
You will likely find other feelings underneath the anger: frustration. When an I-message Doesn't Work If an I-message isn't working.II. change the environment. hurt and loneliness. shift gears. are you yelling to the top of your voice? Or are you cool. Yes. You'll need to give up on the I-message and work out the conflict with some other techniques. fear. the words may be OK. an I-message won't be enough. an I-message may not work if the other person has a strong need to continue her or his behavior. calm and collected? There is little to be gained by sending an anger message. rejection. Try to stop and think about why you are so angry.Effective Communication • Be aware of what your body language is saying-that it is reinforcing what your words say. Sometimes. embarrassment. but the tone may be full of blame or rage or disrespect. it may be a lousy message. which occurs often in families. or let him or her blow off steam. Pay attention to the non-verbal message. Is your face red. If there is a conflict of needs. are your eyes bulging. I-messages also may not work if the other person doesn't agree that the "effect" on you is a real problem. JBIMS Page 57 of 64 . This is a values collision. If the other person is upset and out of control. The Conflict Resolution Process There are processes: • • three primary conflict resolution problem-solving negotiation mediation MMM. Try active listening.
Come up with a solution that works for both parties (create and evaluate options/generate agreement)." Steps in Negotiation 1. Negotiation "Negotiation is a problem-solving process in which either the two parties in the dispute or their representatives meet face to face to work together unassisted to resolve the dispute between the parties. Parties work cooperatively to find a mutually acceptable solution. 3. set the stage). 2. Parties work cooperatively to find solutions to meet those needs and interests. Restate what you think you heard (explain the other's viewpoint). look at things from the viewpoint of the other party. Parties stay focused on the problem. Each problem-solving process has similar steps: • • • • Agree that you disagree (agree to negotiate. including: • • • • Parties identify their own needs and interests. JBIMS Page 58 of 64 . Describe what you want. Take turns talking (gather perspectives/identify interests).II. Take turns talking. and the reasons for your wants and feelings. how you feel. Agree that you disagree and you will try to negotiate.Effective Communication • consensus decision-making Each of these processes has similar characteristics. MMM.
human emotion. 6. Get outside help if unable to resolve the conflict. Think of several ways to solve the conflict in a way that works for both parties (create win-win options).II. JBIMS Page 59 of 64 .'" Consensus Decision-Making "Consensus decision-making is a group problem-solving process in which all of the parties in the dispute or representatives of each party collaborate to resolve the dispute by crafting a plan of action that all parties can and will support. This process may or may not be facilitated by a neutral party. Choose the best way and make an agreement to do it. usually healthy.Effective Communication 4. We've all felt anger—perhaps as a fleeting annoyance or as a fullMMM. Mediation "Mediation is a problem-solving process in which the two parties in the dispute or their representatives meet face to face to work together to resolve the dispute assisted by a neutral third party called the 'mediator'. Take the other person's point of view and then summarize your understanding of what he or she wants and feels and the reasons for his or her wants and feelings." Skills for Anger Management What Is Anger? Anger is a completely normal. 5. 7.
your heart rate. in personal relationships. You can’t change them either. The aim is to suppress your anger and convert it into constructive behavior. blood pressure and energy increase. stopping thinking about it.” “suppressing” and “calming. But when anger gets out of control and turns destructive.II. The three main approaches are “expressing. Positive Ways to Express Angry Feelings You can’t get rid of or avoid the things or the people that anger you. Causes of Anger Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. at school. and focusing on something positive. When you feel angry.” • • Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive way is the healthiest way to express anger. too. and how to meet them without hurting others. you have to learn what your needs are. and memories of traumatic or enraging events may trigger angry feelings. it can lead to problems at work.Effective Communication fledged rage. Suppressing anger and redirecting it means holding in your anger. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding. anger is accompanied by bodily changes. You can learn to control your emotions. To do this. The danger in this type of response is MMM. JBIMS Page 60 of 64 . Worrying about personal problems may cause anger. Signs of Anger Like other emotions. You could be angry with someone (such as a coworker or supervisor) or at an event (a traffic jam or a canceled flight). how to make them clear. it means being respectful of yourself and others. and in the overall quality of life.
Change the way you think. Approaches to Conflict Resolution There are at least three approaches to resolving conflicts peacefully: • • • Win-Win Approach Creative Response Broadening Perspectives. Take a break from troublesome situations. they battle over opposing solutions. Use humor when appropriate. Calming yourself down inside means not just controlling your outward behavior but also controlling your internal responses. “I want to win and I want you to win.Effective Communication • that if anger is never allowed outward expression. Use I-messages and other assertiveness techniques. stretch. it may turn inward. go for a brisk walk. Learn to problem solve. Other Tips for Controlling Anger • • • • • • Use relaxation. such as taking steps to calm yourself down and let the feelings subside. Tell yourself positive things. Change your environment. think calm thoughts. There is a sense that one person is right and the other person is wrong. With the win-win approach.” They change disagreements from “right and wrong” situations to cooperative MMM. Win-Win Approach Usually when people disagree. Try to communicate better. people shift their attitudes to say. JBIMS Page 61 of 64 . too. Breathe deeply.II.
you may tell yourself things such as “Life is hard work. people must ask one another questions such as: • • • • What What What What are your needs here? values are important to you? are the outcomes or results you want? seems like the best solution to you? Why? The win-win approach also requires: • • • • recognition of individual differences flexibility openness to change positions or viewpoints attack of the problem. and getting the best out of conflict situations. It is deciding to learn from conflicts. This helps to build solutions that acknowledge and value the underlying needs. The most important step of the win-win approach is to discuss underlying needs. JBIMS Page 62 of 64 .II.Effective Communication agreements. not the people The win-win approach works because both parties get more of what they want and they are committed to the solution.” or “Don't take any chances!” The creative response is about turning conflicts into opportunities. With this response.” “I have to be right. Creative Response Do you see conflict as a problem or opportunity? If you see conflict as a problem. doing something about conflicts (instead of sticking with the problems). To do this.” “Mistakes are unacceptable. you think: • • • How else can I look at this situation? What are the possibilities? What opportunities can this bring? MMM.
The longer time frame can help people be more realistic about the size of the problem. you turn back. some conflicts can be resolved by taking a different perspective. Deal with resistance to the broader perspective. Assuming a broader perspective may be scary. But if we broaden our perspective and look at other people’s viewpoints. Many of these fears prove ungrounded once they are carefully analyzed. MMM. group.” Rather. conflicts are not about “right” or “wrong. problems look like intriguing challenges. Everything is a success. With the creative response. note what happened. this wider view opens our eyes to many more possibilities. Look at the overall system (the family.) and consider what it needs in order to work well. They may need courage to enter the confusion of complexity. Guidelines for this approach include: • • • Consider how the problem will look over a long period of time. In this way. They may have to give up the security they got from the simple way they used to see the problem. In fact. and errors are regarded as opportunities for learning.II. Each viewpoint requires consideration and respect in order to form a complete solution. community. we see that each one makes a contribution to the whole. People may feel less certain of the rightness of their own case. etc.Effective Communication • • I’ll take a risk. and do it differently next time. JBIMS Page 63 of 64 . Broadening Perspectives Different perspectives about problems are inevitable. When you are mistaken. Assume a broad perspective. Everyone has a different viewpoint about a problem (and often we think our viewpoint is the “right” one).
JBIMS Page 64 of 64 . When people take a broader perspective. Letter Writing and Corporate Communication – refer Class notes MMM. Identify what one person can do to affect a particular problem.Effective Communication • Be open to the idea of changing and risk-taking. One step forward changes the dynamics and new possibilities may open up. Presentation Skills and Memos . Topics on Hand Shakes. even if it is only a small step in the right direction.II. they may be confronted with the enormity of the difficulties.
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