Who Are You? Really!

a travel-guide to life

Who Are You? Really!
a travel-guide to life

Compiled and Edited by Stuart Rose

Winchester, UK Washington, USA

The rights of Stuart Rose as author have been asserted in accordance with the Copyright. Taiwan) Pansing Distribution Pte Ltd kemal@pansing. Deershot Lodge. Thailand.com Tel: 27 21 4489839 Telefax: 27 21 4479879 Text copyright Stuart Rose 2009 ISBN: 978 1 84694 343 0 Design: Stuart Davies All rights reserved. Hants.au Tel: 61 3 9761 5535 Fax: 61 3 9761 7095 Far East (offices in Singapore. UK office1@o-books.com. Printed in the UK by CPI Antony Rowe Printed in the USA by Offset Paperback Mfrs.uk Tel: 01235 465521 Fax: 01235 465555 Export orders exportorders@orcabookservices.com Tel: 65 6319 9939 Fax: 65 6462 5761 South Africa Stephan Phillips (pty) Ltd Email: orders@stephanphillips.co. Park Lane. no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publishers. 2010 O Books is an imprint of John Hunt Publishing Ltd. Inc We operate a distinctive and ethical publishing philosophy in all areas of its business. SO24 0BE.net www. .uk Tel: 01235 465516 or 01235 465517 Fax: 01235 465555 USA and Canada NBN custserv@nbnbooks. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews. A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.o-books. from its global network of authors to production and worldwide distribution.com Distribution in: UK and Europe Orca Book Services Ltd Home trade orders tradeorders@orcabookservices. The Bothy.com Tel: 1 800 462 6420 Fax: 1 800 338 4550 Australia and New Zealand Brumby Books sales@brumbybooks. Ropley.First published by O-Books. Designs and Patents Act 1988.. Hong Kong.co.

CONTENTS Introduction Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Contact 1 3 12 35 80 89 93 99 108 111 114 117 .


to meet the intended outcome of the endeavor. Who are You? has a planned sequence of chapters. The original impetus for the book was talks and guidance a learned Indian Swami gave at different times and places. even in a small way. we hope it is instrumental in helping. It is not a book to be read through from beginning to end and then forgotten. This thinking reaches very much further into areas or regions of life and being than any single discipline could. but it will probably be surprising and may result in some changes to our lives.Introduction Who are You? takes us on a journey. We hope that this little book is enjoyed. and reducing or ending life’s miseries which we know all too well exist in most people. In fact. 1 . and to be courageous in enacting the modifications or changes that are needed. and this book is not a psychotherapy. It is each one of us who has to do the work. we build bridges. We are not professionally trained in any particular discipline. Much more than this. but the whole purpose of writing this book is for greater well-being and happiness. and these are best followed. This is a cautiously written introductory sentence. the idea of disciplines is an anathema because they can build walls and barriers whereas here. the listening to what we ourselves are truly saying and feeling. It is unlikely anyone would be reading this work unless there is the belief that some action needs to be taken in this direction. Some chapters demand a stop to reading thereby allowing deep thought about what has been said before progressing – please follow this instruction. the destination of which is not meant to be a mystery. Now this inspiration has been expanded and extended to cover a comprehensive span of thinking about the lives we lead and what we can do to make them fully satisfying.

Dr Stuart Rose 2 . find your own path to walk.Who Are You? Really! Above all. solving problems to move further with the help of the inner truthful guide.

We are often unaware of how we develop a ‘comfort zone’ around this me. We ‘missed the boat’ so to speak. how I differentiate myself from others – how I can make myself stand out from the crowd and be memorable. My lifestyle can provide me with great confidence as an individual. and to myself. It is how I feel about myself. although we were comfortable. from within which this me can live. and everybody’s is unique. my ‘castle’. and ended up dissatisfied and miserable. We never for a moment dreamed of changing anything. but it can also be my protection from the outside world. and how from here we sit watching the world go by. or how I can merge and not be noticed (and many. both from an outward looking perspective and one that looks inward. More on this below. We got through life safely but did nothing. 3 . how I demonstrate to others and myself that this is ‘me’. not good enough. So my lifestyle also acts as my security. to put this the other way around. as this lifestyle can make me feel inadequate. This means that this lifestyle combines both physical and mental components (like a dress has both textile and colour). even from myself! And the reverse is also true. and ‘mouse-like’. and time go by. or try to live. happily and safely.Chapter One What’s in a Lifestyle? Everybody has one. many variations on this theme). perhaps. although there can be many similarities between each one. even for our whole life. a lifestyle can be summed up as ‘me’ – it is what this me contains. A lifestyle is what I project to the world. In a nutshell. making us more like each other than we might care to admit. how I identify me or.

enemy). It’s everything outside of my mind. tastes. More. We humans do. and my aesthetic predilections. size. clothes. my lifestyle also includes the trappings of life: my car. are as set in their ways as this. starting with the physical. the multitude of things I do. destroys routine. as I stand. but they don’t have the intelligence to do anything about it. created. and includes – particularly includes – my body: its shape. there is nothing left out and so perhaps ‘material’ is a better description in this instance. perhaps becoming more so. Let’s look at these components talked about above in more detail. even how it holds itself.Who Are You? Really! we never had the courage. that it is avoided. When we talk about the physical. it is comprised of what I love. been sold. The physical or outer part of me has prime importance while the mental or inner is secondary. boss. How do I feel about this? Different Types of Lifestyles Today. forcing compliance. adopted. It’s a known fact that people don’t like change. Great importance is also given to living with – matching – my own values with those of society. as well as its coloring. people prefer not to live like animals. and so forth. much more important. and developed. Why is 4 . But mine is a distinct mix of all this. ornaments. and form. sometimes at any cost. never knew how. Much of the lifestyle elements comprising the mental components are inherited or learned from our parents: particular likings and dislikings. home. what I have positive emotions for or about. what it does with itself. opinions. The list is seemingly endless. ways of being and thinking. family. so the quality of life is much more central. because it’s unsettling (rocks the boat). right now. plus what I have chosen. and having to re-establish ourselves can be a painful process. too. The net result of all these influences is me. Of course. ‘Best leave things as they are!’ Animals. the other people in my life (partner.

and ownership (of people as well as things) claim the greater value and have become the source of security. and we can look at five types. oddly. The social norm has to be central.Stuart Rose this? The simple. and feelings of insecurity occur if there is deviation from this norm. I’m not brave enough. a complete individual (just like everyone else). driven surreptitiously by just a handful of entrepreneurs with big advertising budgets. The movement does not have to be radical or ‘all 5 . However. We have to set priorities! We can suggest that there are five types of lifestyles. ahead of the in-crowd. if there is no clarity. If we stay put in the same lifestyle for life. power. strength and energy (the survival of the fittest and so primal). status. A word that seems to sum up the rationale of these people is ‘health’. colored by what it dictates. friends and more. The types demonstrate a movement towards its opposite and back again. for a few brave souls there can be a real (or assumed real) individuality with lifestyles to match. An exploration. If I’m not ‘in’ with the in-crowd. then I’m out in the cold – out of money. possibly over-simplified. Another way of saying this is that society holds sway over the individual. answer is that money. a stagnant pond. or courageous enough. and our individual lifestyles have developed around it. This is not medical health. But do clear answers help me to live peacefully? In life. Why are their lifestyles healthy? Is the answer to live healthily? And what does this mean? Is there a clear answer? Perhaps there is. following the piper! And yet. there can be no real peace. It will be seen that this word also equates with ‘happiness’. then life can become something of a prison. A journey. to be an individual. But first we must seek a way to understand why some ‘buck the trend’. we are made to think I am different. but a much more all-encompassing health.

factors. But this is not the case. which means that if we were in the same position now as we were. Healthy lifestyle From healthy to unhealthy lifestyle Unhealthy lifestyle Unhealthy to healthy lifestyle Again. and 5 indicate particular ways to live. Are we moving at all? If the answer is yes. as there is learning on the way. 2. have we reached that point from a high or a low position? Or have we been where we are for so long that it is impossible to tell from which direction we came? It’s important to remember that life is always in a state of flux. then what would happen is entirely different from what did happen. Nothing in life can be exactly repeated. that’s where we are. The different types of lifestyle are: 1. then where have we come from. 4. it can be gentle and satisfying. healthy lifestyle Types 1. The past is gone and finished. and where are we heading? Is it towards happiness. and it’s up to each of us to work out just where we fit into this plan. many points. 3.Who Are You? Really! changing’. is our present lifestyle what we really want? 6 . it can be beautiful. The list below reads a little like going backwards before going forwards to the same place we started from. As has been described. 5. or away from it? If we are static. habits. and decisions are responsible for where we find ourselves. 2 and 4 indicate transition. Wherever we position ourselves in this list. 3. and what is important to do while this is fresh is to see how we feel about where we are. Nothing past can be changed. Is there a happiness or an unhappiness or an in between? Are we comfortable or uncomfortable or in between? And.

and convenience foods have almost completely removed the need to cook and. western shops are now in ‘High Streets’ all over the world – clothing. or new ways to buy and consume food. yet. it is plain to see that many non-western people are now following a western way of life. Two examples will hopefully demonstrate what is meant. can change traditional cooking and eating habits that have a major knock-on effect to family life. many families no longer eat together. Both are common examples of how easily we follow (or are led) to be like everyone else – a feature that can be likened to an innate herding instinct. because of this. Then a question can be asked: are we the same or are we different? Relating others to our own position is not proposing that we evaluate and compare ourselves to them. supermarkets. becoming more disparate. and so forth. Second (and sometimes an outcome of the first example). For example. That’s a detrimental activity! What we are intending is a prediction or assessment of what might be happening to us. First. which means their lifestyles have changed as they have adopted new cultural elements. introduction of new foods. more on our own (moving 7 . fast foods. at the same time. Non-western lifestyles are not travelling West. food. we can see a snapshot picture of where we think they are and. Family life seems to be changing due to these and other trends. and this means that the relationships between family members in many instances are dissolving. which means that the world is not getting more mixed but more the same.Stuart Rose Prediction gets results Through the process of observing others. In the West for example. and both of these stem from the standardization and sameness that is occurring in our society today. Combining these two examples may lead to the paradoxical notion that one is getting to be more the same as others (coming closer together). banking. in the process. learn about ourselves. and thereby helping to clarify who we are.

To be ‘in’ fashion and ‘in line’ with the changes happening in society. and so forth at the centre of the plan to achieve. has to help in that listed above. energy. name and fame. for enjoyment and pleasure. not why to achieve. or even our not yet developed side is bigger inside. To start addressing the ‘how’ question. is one part. is the second part. dress habits. we can consider our not yet grown side is bigger inside. from which direction one can see where changes might come from. business status. is difficult. So maintaining social. conversely. to possess. Everyone knows why to achieve. to have. Facing this and to put in sufficient energy and focus to proceed in the lifestyle is a challenge. as are answering questions related to where do we go from where we currently are. or. and maintain (keep) what has been gained. image. selection of material according to taste and feeling. in any future lifestyle change. money. strength. power. a greater change is required). which in turn gives the feeling of newness (not new feelings because the result will be the same. The question is how to achieve (to grow. To keep material. or our not yet known side is bigger inside.Who Are You? Really! further apart). or may wish them to come from. it’s possible to see where one can start to predict how changes to the lifestyle may have occurred or may be occurring. political. likes and wants. and will this change be made by free choice 8 . also adopting new tastes and new ways to have more and more feeling and emotion – is guided and controlled by the intellect. To live in a particular way with different habits – such as food habits or eating habits. to gain). family and friends. From these and many other examples that we will need to bring to mind in our self-analysis. How to achieve. Guiding light What are the prime influencers which we might need to use to bring about change.

and to be controller of all monetary movement. power. attrac9 . Sometimes this is inevitable. by necessity – what is most important? It needs to be said that one might be happy in the existing lifestyle and see no reason to change. and further changes. very difficult to find someone who can be like this. we will have to accept what is dished out whether we like it or not. So the static position. control. whether it be to change or stand still.Stuart Rose or not-so-free choice. might be an illusion – there may be no choice whether to change at all. the comfortable position. However. To describe this scenario as a war is probably an overstatement. and more compassionate in this turmoil? It is very. Many habits. living in a particular way. Forceful living All psychosomatic diseases. Having change foisted upon us means that we need to be proactive in establishing the values and qualities of the changes life serves up to us. as well as many other diseases such as cancer. we just have to make the best of a bad job. is money. more loving. Perhaps the greatest guiding force for change. but it is certainly a battle (of wits. AIDS. in the movement between two or more currencies (not necessarily financial ones) and influences. How can one’s lifestyle be more spiritual. of desires). If we don’t. of values. HIV. we have said that the world never stands still. Money is an external energy. which becomes a lifestyle. heart related diseases. more emotional. and vital organ related diseases are the result of forceful living. by imposition. but sometimes we can be ahead of the game and change our lifestyle how we want. currency is the term for it. and changes occur regardless of our desire. more affectionate. We struggle to maintain the upper hand. to keep one currency as the ruling currency among other currencies.

Each lifestyle is a complex web of an individual’s likes and dislikes built over time. Simply being alive is not the goal or purpose. Some people manage their lifestyles better than others. and how are we living? Are we living in a monastery? No. The realization that we live an unhealthy lifestyle does not mean that the old habits were changed and a healthy lifestyle started! The lifestyle of anyone is not the result of living it for just one day. or appear to. some don’t. such as toys 10 . while for others. misery is the main feature. Do we believe in religion and spirituality? Some do. not yet. if it were. These forces are supported by correct reasoning. and the like? No. although we try to be free from these. They are a mental preparation for ‘doing the right thing’. anxiety. So. qualities. Are we free from fear. Was there something missed in our childhood. impressions. Are we happy inside? Mostly not. it’s much more than that. who are we. Do we feel insecure? Yes. it does not mean to say that a correction took place. In society? Yes. or sometimes. worries.Who Are You? Really! tions. and that gaining a successful lifestyle is wholly a matter of survival of the fittest? We can be certain to say that all human beings (all of us) are not saints and prophets. then we would be living at the level of animals. and factors. Some people appear to lead lives which are on the whole happy. which helps us to avoid feelings of wrong-doing and of guilt when the adverse result appears. Luckily we don’t! Don’t we? Questioning ourselves We have implied that there are as many lifestyles as there are people and that each is unique (although of a pattern). are forces behind living in this way. How is it that some people seem to manage better than others? Is it that they treat life like a battleground. Because there was an acceptance of a mistake or wrong-doing. Are we living in and with a family? No. fighting their way to success and destroying others in the process.

it is not possible to give what is not in us. or was childhood also a battlefield? Do we carry feelings of not being cared for at some point in our lives? Are we trusting or distrusting? Are we searching for something? If so. or try to show that we are searching for something. 11 . love and affection. but it will need repaying when the loan is due. what? Where are we searching? Is our search for true love and affection or for the more material things like money. on loan? Where is it possible to get them from? Is it possible to buy them. Even if we try to show that we can give what we don’t have. to purchase them? No. or love and affection? Did we behave well with each other. happiness. Is it possible to steal them? No.Stuart Rose and material things. How can one have peace. satisfaction. power and strength? Is it possible for us to give what we don’t have? No. how can we understand what’s going on? Maybe we have taken out a loan so that we can be seen to give. Then how can we get them? Can you tell me? Write and tell me how (the address is at the end). sympathy and compassion.

the geography of where we are. so it deserves close attention. A lot rides on its completion. it’s a dream world). how happy we are. or ‘where will I be in the future?’ (this is fiction. and doing it thoroughly will form the foundation to any future change. ‘Where am I?’ This means taking complete stock of what our life entails – all of what it contains – including the responsibilities one has for oneself and others.Who Are You? Really! Chapter Two Looking more deeply into oneself We have touched upon the questions which are vital to ask about change – let’s now look at them in greater detail so that we can start to get to grips with arriving at the decision to change. a snapshot photo of where you are 12 . This task does not include answers to questions such as. This ‘stocktaking’ is a completely objective appraisal of oneself and the life as it stands right at the moment. This is a big and important task. As an introduction. our relationships with family and friends. when these are mostly finished. our financial position. they can be brought together to make a master list. It’s not a light decision. writing it all down in the form of lists is a good discipline. Will we need or wish to involve anyone else for some parts of it? If so. which parts? Will we take some time out away from normal routine to do it? Business people call it brainstorming and often do it in hotels! When starting. what is ours and what is not ours. Then. How will the task be undertaken? Some preparation is necessary. the first key question to ask is. ‘where was I in the past?’ (past successes and failures cannot be changed). and they can be revised and amended as needs be. it’s one which may affect the whole of one’s life. the feelings one has about oneself and others. how we look. and more.

The final question in this major sequence is a natural outcome of the first two. we are likely to continue in the same way of life as before – there will be no possibility of change. what do I want from my life?’ This can be said in a number of different ways. It must be both the inner and outer person. That’s not its purpose. see. Clarity must be uppermost. and the picture we will paint of ourselves may be the most valuable ever produced in our lives. which may not seem so positive at the time.Stuart Rose and where you stand. the degree of change which is thought to be needed. It’s as serious as that. It’s the crux! ‘OK. warts and all. we’ve mentioned different types and sizes of bodies. We will begin by looking at different ‘bodies’. but it’s got to be done because. am I happy or miserable. which must be fully completed first. and understand ourselves as we think we actually are. and so forth? And from this the resolve to change can start to take shape. ‘How and why am I in this condition?’ To answer this honestly. but keep emotions in check. to know. One sheet of paper. this is me now. This process is an enormously positive one and involves much heart-searching (not muck-raking). keep objectivity intact. nor praise. where can I go from here. There’s no blame attached to any of what might be found. and in which direction or directions. if we don’t get to know how we got where we are. truthfully. and objectively might take some courage. Different bodies In all of what we have talked about so far. but these amount to the same outcome: am I satisfied or dissatisfied. These are simple questions to establish what the current lifestyle is. Then we can ask the next question (actually two questions in one). It can also include the mistakes which were made or avoided. These can be summarized as: 13 .

This is a deep analytical look – much more than we have done already – at ‘myself’ from several angles. many of which might not normally be perceived from. The reason we need to do this is to establish and describe – get to know intimately – who it is that could have a lifestyle change. To do this. it’s by no means certain that a need for change has been seen. unclear. There are many combinations and variations in this model. At this stage. concerning what it is about the current lifestyle 14 . Immediately. or in combinations – the world is an electronic village and has to be sorted out. We will take a look at these bodies one by one. we can consider the other’s lifestyle a better model to follow (or not).). The first one is followed by the others. and they are all interrelated in a healthy or unhealthy way. normal. social. natural lifestyle. it might be said that we know ourselves pretty well – we’re not trying to prove this wrong. or one might have seen a need already but is lost. and make a copy of it or them through changing our own original. from a healthy/unhealthy point of view. we just want each person to look at themselves as we may never have looked at ourselves before. daunted. then (unlike Humpty Dumpty) we can put all the ‘bits’ back together again. or we can come under the impression of the other’s lifestyle.Who Are You? Really! Individual Family Social National International These five types of bodies are living bodies. etc. Each entertains different lifestyles. or have many other reasons (forwards or backwards). Now it can be seen that we can be influenced by the other’s lifestyle (family. we must separate out different elements in an unreal way so that each can be studied in isolation.

Stuart Rose

which may need attention. We may end up deciding that no lifestyle change is necessary after all and, as long as we are certain that this is not avoidance, that’s OK too. So let’s start at the beginning.

1. Individual
What comprises the individual? Wow! Where can we start to unravel this enormous question? Let’s not get put off at the first hurdle but divide the question into manageable parts so that we can gently find our way in. This ‘I’, me, can straight away be divided in two. Later we might say that the division can be more than two, but for the moment two is sufficient. These two are ‘me the physical body’, and ‘me the mental body’. Even so, these are still substantial chunks to get to grips with. We can also sub-divide each of these into the four remaining types of bodies listed above, but that, too, will over-complicate our endeavor right now, although we will need to remember what we find here when we reach these types as they arise.

a. Me the physical body
We are closest of all to our physical bodies and know them intimately. Yes, we know all the warts and blemishes that we’d rather not mention, thank you! But we know that we are beautiful, too, even if this is difficult to admit to ourselves. Yet it’s surprising just how much our physical bodies influence who we are and how we have structured our present lifestyle. We must now look afresh, with objectivity. If we can stand in front of a full length mirror, preferably naked (so as to remove our ‘disguises’ or ‘camouflage’), on our own, it is possible to see oneself from a new perspective. Ask ourselves: What makes my body different from anybody else’s body? We all have different sizes in height, width, weight (and, of course, gender and ethnic origin), but isn’t it true that we all

Who Are You? Really!

have bodies just like this one reflected in the mirror? For example, when I breathe in and out the same thing happens as it does to every breathing being: the chest lifts and drops, and life is maintained. Apart from minor ‘peculiarities’, can we agree that I am just the same physically as everybody else? And these little peculiarities that I and no-one else has, these are what makes me different, what causes me to act in a certain way. There is no need to point them out individually here, from one’s own perspective they can – and must – be seen clearly. We have lived with them since they developed or occurred. They have influenced how we present ourselves to the world. Seeing a difference in our physical bodies (which are of a like with every other body), we create an unrealistic notion of our uniqueness – felt as real, but is unreal, imagined, illusory – which in turn ‘allows’ me to present both to myself and to others a deceptive, false lie about who I am. And so we comfortably get on with our lives, the truths well hidden in some ‘attic’ store chest. This is where change can originate: getting rid of the lies and moving towards living in truth – to ourselves mostly, but the outcome of this will naturally percolate to our broader ‘theatre’ of existence. (We’ve ‘jumped the gun’ a little here by talking in terms of the mental body, which shows just how difficult it is to talk about one body without involving another.) Standing here in front of the mirror, I can see that this body is no different – no better and no worse – than any other. We are all equal in this respect, and if I see myself different on this physical front (except in unusual circumstances), then attention has to be paid here. We can pose the question: If I only had one leg, would it mean that I am any less of a person? If all four limbs were lost, plus as much removed from the body as possible, again would this ‘me’ become more or less of a person? What is our reply? Still standing in front of the mirror, we can look with some awe and wonderment at this reflected body. At how perfect it is for the ‘job’ of living as a human being. There is nothing apparent

Stuart Rose

that is not necessary for the performance of this job: nothing extra, nothing which is not required; the legs and arms are just the right length; the torso full of all sorts of gubbins to feed and control itself, and ‘sweep up’. The ‘designer’ and ‘manufacturer’ has excelled; the machine is simply beautiful in every respect. Humblingly so. This means that the body in the mirror is perfectly suited for the lives we lead, and so also for the lifestyle. It cannot be improved (although it can be superficially and cosmetically altered, and some worn-out parts replaced). Yet it can and does adapt to different situations: for example, it can be both carnivorous and herbivorous; it can live equally well in the cold of Alaska and the heat of Nigeria; it can survive starvation and gluttony. In much the same way, this body adapts to many changes during its life (not least, for a woman, by bearing a child); in fact, it needs to change because of these life events. The lifestyle undergoes natural physical evolution all of the time, which means it is likely that any change that is decided to make will be accepted and catered for – could it possibly even be already in the design (in the program) that certain particular ‘extra’ changes occur from time to time? We have spent time standing in front of the mirror looking at our physical body in an attempt to see it in a new light. We can conclude that it is just a ‘machine’, a brilliant machine, in principle just like any other machine which is designed to do a particular job. It even has built-in obsolescence! We give it significant importance in our lifestyle, although in fact, it is inert. Without life, it is just a lump of meat – anyone who has seen a dead body can testify to this. Even with life, but in deep sleep, the body appears lifeless. Is the body simply the mind’s ‘toy’, something to play with: to anoint, dress up, enjoy? (There is another aspect to the physical body to which we pay scant or no attention, and we need pay it no attention here. This

b. and so now.. or less so? Was it important at all? To what degree has it influenced the current lifestyle – answer from 0% to 100%? Is this positive or negative? Which parts of the answer can be accepted. In this instance. so it is unrealistic and artificial to separate them but. not being material. not hours). it is better to sub-divide it into four constituent parts. This may take a while (think in terms of days and weeks. control. blood. What do we think of it now? Is it as important as was first thought. 18 . the changeable bits and functions: air. Me the mental body The mental body seems very much more complex than the physical body and. It is my mental body which creates personas around my physical body. the question is: Am I my physical body? Time for some more thinking…. we will get very lost in trying to establish who this me is. All the four work together.) We have spent some time standing in front of the mirror looking at the body from all angles. They are all vital to life – and death – but remain scarcely visible in our mirror. with all that we have established about this physical body. or more so. To approach it so that we can see clearly its influence.Who Are You? Really! is all the autonomous systems. food. The four parts of the mental body are: the mind (comprising our principal link to the physical body through the senses). yet we can immediately say that it is the prime influencer to ‘my’ lifestyle. this question will recur again and again in different guises as we proceed. we turn to look at the second body. The only useful suggestion is to find a comfortable place and relax because thinking time is what is needed (and maybe a pencil and paper). if we don’t. is not clearly visible. and which not? What is the overall conclusion? There is one more question that is needed to be asked at this point. A mirror is useless for this job. and others.

we normally refer to all four components as mind. not just this one part. Plus. As we can realize.Stuart Rose memory (comprising all the past knowledge). ’I feel’. in speech. these events don’t happen in isolation. Mind Almost all of the communication between ‘me’ and my physical body is through the senses. but in countless combinations: we can see. or I have fallen and broken my leg. is not of concern here. The word ‘mind’ used here is a little confusing because. ‘I am’. Let’s take a simplified look. The mind simply identifies and reports to the other three parts what the senses say – it sorts the information out into ‘digestible’ bits – then it sends messages determined by the other mental parts back to the body for action as required. therefore. touch. It is also the mind which sends information back to the body (commands and responses) for action. the nose is smelling. or the house is burning down. and our ego or I-ness (which says ‘I want’. and so forth) – it is the deciding factor. Memory The information from the mind is automatically analyzed by the 19 . intellect (which is where we ‘discuss’ what’s happening). This information is then analyzed and identified by the other three parts of the mental body. it is the mind which identifies what the eyes are seeing. We have to live with this dual word usage! ii. In itself. and the ears are hearing and whether the body is in balance. i. it is a channel for what the body organs and muscles are doing and sensing (in tandem with operation of the autonomous body systems). Whether the taste is hot or cold. for example. the taste buds are tasting. the skin is touching and sensing. and smell a flower at the same time. this means that the mind is essential to – but not particularly influential to – our lifestyle.

re-consider it. But I’d like to try a banana again. For example. then to consider it. which are shortcuts. just like in an office. for instance). it simply records. don’t touch it’ with ‘I’ve changed my mind. pending. not just previous events. review again. it is the two remaining mental parts that make 20 . some people are more scattered – it doesn’t matter. rejected. enabling us not to have to keep on deciding something about the same message stimuli that we have received maybe hundreds of times before. which is why it is so easy to accept previous decisions – the memory can be likened to an overworked office which will cut corners in order to keep up with the large and constant stream of work which ‘pours’ in through its doors all day – and night. and responds accordingly. accepted. and ascertain just how much of it has been caused by fast-track instead of considered decisions – ‘Do I really want to be this way. and build separate piles for the results: for example. Some people can carry out this task in an ordered fashion. It’s called fast-tracking! To come to understand our lifestyle more fully. What matters is that we arrive at a series of conclusions about the relationship of the memory with the lifestyle that we are satisfied with. There usually is! The memory is important to the development and management of our lifestyle because it is the storehouse of what we have previously determined. and so forth. or am I like I am because of the force of habit?’ This is what takes the time: looking at every piece of pertinent information we can think of (and even ‘stuff’ which we don’t normally think of – those store boxes in the ‘attic’. it remembers that I don’t like bananas. yes please!’ The memory is full of set patterns of what we want and don’t want. which means that another of the mental parts has to consciously overrule the automatic response of ‘remember what happened before.Who Are You? Really! memory to see if there is anything familiar in what the senses ‘say’. The memory doesn’t make the decisions that are remembered. we need to look at different parts of what we are now. It is an effort to change the ‘programme’.

to weigh up the pro’s and con’s. iv. I-ness There has been a build-up to this ‘high point’ in describing ‘my mental body’ until we have reached the ego or I-ness. Intellect The intellect is continuously presented with information from the mind and memory. there is some thinking time needed here to ascertain (in very much the same way as we have done for the memory) if we have set patterns for thinking about things. iii. the intellect presents all the facts to the judge. accepted. Again. I have decided all there has been to decide about my lifestyle. The ‘I’ in me is supreme. Nothing! (Except for what is autonomous). it doesn’t form opinions. Similarly to the mind and memory. but doesn’t decide: using the analogy of a court of law. patriotism. nothing is actioned. or do I cut corners and only do half the job that could be done? Am I conscientious or thorough enough? Then more questions come: Are the set patterns the right ones for me. The conclusion is then taken on by the final part of the mental body for ratification and action. what I am like. 21 . Nothing moves without my say-so. or adopted without my agreement. and its function is to think about it and come to some conclusion.Stuart Rose all the decisions. it gathers and considers (weighs the evidence). or whatever reason that isn’t wholly or partly me? Am I satisfied with the answers I have come up with. or do I want to shift emphasis much more squarely onto or away from my shoulders? The intellect operates in quite a factual way. Do I allow my intellect to investigate fully. society. and set solutions or answers. is it really me who thinks this way or am I led by family. market forces. I have decided who I am. and then it is left up to the judge to make the decision.

In my mental body. or completely out of our control? Who or what else other than this ‘I’ could do and achieve what is done? But what does the ‘I’ do? We can establish that it protects me and frightens me. I-ness is different in that it does not have the quasi physical characteristics of its partners. life-changing decisions. thereby giving the impression that one has two selves to ‘talk’ and debate issues 22 . feeds me and starves me. it’s always here. we find it’s a very queer and slippery fish indeed! The power and effect of I-ness is enormous. Who gave this ‘I’ its authority? We can ask: Is this power completely under our control. First of these is attempting to find the ‘I’. The ‘I’. These are almost physical in character. where I should live.Who Are You? Really! So what is this I? We can start to answer this question from a number of different perspectives. However. and the ‘I’ is contained – overtly or covertly – in every thought. deciding whether or not to eat a banana). Can this be done? Does this ‘I’ appear like a second ‘me’. this ego or personality. it is plain to see that there is ‘somewhere’ for the senses to come together and be sorted. determines my own self-importance. On closer inspection. how I should talk. It governs all of the lifestyle: the ‘I’ has to approve how I am at any one time. The list of its decisions and their qualities is endless. and ‘somewhere’ for the intellect to deliberate. loves me and hates me. Think of a thought which in some way does not contain ‘I’. it does so much. and what color umbrella I should use today. ‘somewhere’ for the memory to store its information. It governs everything from the most insignificant aspect of one’s life (for example. to the most significant. and when one enquires more deeply into its nature it becomes surprisingly illusive. or manages to divert attention away from itself. The ‘I’ instigates every thought. or even puts up obstructions to protect its discovery. partly under our control. the ‘I’ has to decide who I am to be with.

every loving action. Knowing this may be consoling. maybe I’m not so bad after all. a disquiet. to survive – every dirty trick. whatever is required. absolutely anything. In fact. we think no-one else could have such terrors. reflective thought 23 . and it can be quelled or dealt with. who by? We have said that this ‘I’ is a ‘queer fish’. and we can ask. It can be vicious and sweet. I will do anything. The net cost of this is a deep or deeply concealed existential anguish or angst. it may give the thought: Well. but they need to be asked if one is going to be able to come to understand oneself more fully in order to know which direction the future lifestyle may take. to identify clearly. I have to survive. so that it no longer remains a subtle influence disturbing our lifestyle. that it is something separate. Is there full approval of the decisions this ‘I’ makes? Is there contentment with the lifestyle it has created? These may seem strange and alien questions indeed. it is more like an unease. One reason why the ‘I’ is so strong. Everyone has a light and dark side to their lifestyle. or does this ‘I’ feel as if it isn’t part of me at all. It is only by much deep. I value myself more than anything else. of this there is no doubt. We will look at ways this can be done a little later. and quite OK. which is difficult to put my finger on. This is not exactly an unhappiness. as we have indicated above. and if so. such as some extraterrestrial or spirit basis to who we are? Can the influence of this ‘I’ be overruled if desired. But we all do! That’s a fact. totally awful. ‘Where on earth did I get that thought from?’ We hide and never admit we have dreadful thoughts.Stuart Rose together. It may surprise us with the thoughts that it thinks. If this dis-ease can be found. we can engage with it to ‘satisfy’ the pain it creates. Whatever the cost (except in exceptional circumstances). is because of survival. It is a pain. it must be found and routed out if there’s going to be any chance of complete happiness.

Next to these. It occurs out of the blue. On the mental side. but we have to accept that it’s a ‘wild card’ played by unknown ‘external forces’. Physically we have to eat and drink (and get rid of what’s not wanted). there is no choice. could I do without it? c. we can ask: Am I happy with how my ‘I’ is. to be active. two aspects have not been mentioned in any detail. How come we can love ourselves. it can destroy it! And there’s nothing whatsoever we can do about it. Is there anything more than the physical and mental? In all that’s been said about the physical and mental bodies. Without even the possibility of love. Love is a major part of the lifestyle. and we are completely surprised. Again. is the instinct and need to procreate. although not essential. to have a wide variety of physical pleasures. intellect and ego create and which we have already looked at. there is one further happening that occurs without any input from ourselves. These are the essentials. It’s where we have no control or that which is beyond any control in our lives. Its effect is felt throughout both our physical and mental bodies. can we say that our lives and lifestyles would be lacking the most important ingredient? 24 . This is love. it can make it rock solid. to sleep and be warm. memory. Sometimes it is welcomed. am I happy with the work it does? And finally. the essential task is to survive – ‘I’ have to survive at all cost – and this need brings with it all of the mental means which the mind. sometimes it is anticipated. to have sex. and sometimes it ‘knocks us for six’. how come we can fall in love with a particular person and not others. as a concluding question. However. or not experience love at all? How come we can experience love without relation to ourselves or others? Is it true that love is not dependent on time or place? Can love be forced? One thing is certain. it can turn our lifestyle upside down.Who Are You? Really! that this can be achieved. That’s one side. so to speak.

We are not ignoring them here. and contains a ‘balance sheet’ of my merits and demerits earned during this and previous lives (the number of lives depending upon which ideas are believed). For many people. it seems certain that they play an important role in the development of their lifestyles – these beliefs involve the very nature of existence itself. and they are an outcome from the idea that God (or whatever word is used) is in some way separate from me. For example. that I come from or am – in one particular form or another – made by this God and left pretty much alone to live this life. As so many people have such beliefs. As was said in the beginning of this section. spiritual ideas are deeply involved. it is a little unrealistic to look in the 25 . regardless of beliefs. humanistic life) as it is being lived now. This third body is the spiritual body or soul. With regard to the lifestyle. or achieves a state of nothingness where there is no more transmigration. not anything else. Many religions and spiritualities have these beliefs. we are concentrating our attention on this life. The idea is that it is this body which transmigrates after death to heaven.Stuart Rose Some people believe that we have a further body. and the strength of belief is strong and widespread. and we are writing this book for all people. but we are concentrating on terrestrial life (in other words. Individual (concluded) The door has now been opened to greater insight to how the lifestyle has been managed up until now. or is resurrected. surveys show that more than two-thirds of people believe that physical death is not the end of their existence. Where do we stand on this question? This spiritual body can be described as the sum total of me without the mind and physical body. The ideas are many. and this idea needs to be raised here but not discussed in any depth. but for many they are not at all or only a little involved. but not all. as it is a very substantial subject. or goes to live another life (human or something else).

Who Are You? Really!

isolated way that we have because there are many influences to the development of the lifestyle, but this approach has aided our concentration on the core influence. Some wider influences will be met with in the following sections. We have found that, although imagined to be highly influential, the physical ‘me’ (my physical body), is perhaps not so influential after all. Most of all, it is the ego or I-ness which has been the main determiner, the principal dynamic force, to the evolution of ‘my’ lifestyle. Questions have been raised as to the satisfactoriness of this finding, and an opinion will have been formed as to how much we have been led by ‘forces’ that we were unaware of. There will now be a much clearer conclusion of whether change or modification needs to be enacted. We have purposely avoided engaging with the individual in a social context up until this point because it was more important to look inwards first. However, the individual is not usually an isolated, inward-looking being all of the time, but relates constantly with the four other bodies: family, social, national and international. There is a vibrant dynamic at play between the individual and the others, and we will look at the complexities and inter-relational issues they create.We are all well aware of the dramatic social changes which have taken place in the twentieth century and, to avoid repeating, these will be mostly talked about in the following section devoted to the family, to which our attention will now turn.

2. Family
There has been a clear distinction between the prevalence of a nuclear or an extended family between westerners and those from elsewhere, but this situation is changing as western values encroach further and further across the globe. Up until the Industrial Revolution, extended families were the norm in most countries, but since then they have declined to such an extent in the West that they are edging towards becoming a rarity. This is

Stuart Rose

now happening in many other places with the onset of the Technological Revolution, primarily in the cities. Even the meaning of the word ‘family’ has changed, and the word ‘group’ might be more accurate to use in some situations; similarly (but to a lesser extent), ‘marriage’ can be replaced with ‘partnership’. There is no necessity for blood ties between people involved in the group. What this means is that there has been a dramatic change in the lifestyles of huge numbers of people: stability of the traditional family unit has flown out of the window, and change is occurring mostly in one direction. Whereas the earlier family contained many people – four or even five generations together with siblings’ families – now it may contain between one and four persons – at most two generations and just a single family unit. One result of this in some countries is that there is a negative birth rate (where more people die than are born). It is not necessary here to look at why this situation has arisen, as we can leave sociologists to work it out; what we need to do is establish what some of the newer joys and difficulties are that influence today’s lifestyles. No matter how populated the family is or was, nor how gregarious its members, each person in that group has always been an individual – there always has been a need for some degree of privacy. In the smaller family, this is now almost forced upon its members – thought of as a positive if it surfaces as solitude, but more so as a negative if it is loneliness. In varying degrees, both are familiar to all people, and both influence the lifestyle. On the other hand, by living in a family or group, it is easy to live parts of the others’ lives instead of living one’s own simply because it helps avoid some of the problems encountered in fully living one’s own life. We can most easily do this by disproportionally living out our children’s lives. When people live together, it normally means that they have

Who Are You? Really!

relationships with one another. There are two principal types: blood or sexual. A difference between the two is that there is no choice of who is related to whom in blood relationships, but there is choice in who is the sexual partner. One view on this latter type is that if there is no sexuality involved, then it is not a relationship but more akin to a friendship or some such. Up to this point we have not talked about sexuality, yet in different ways it has very much to do with the physical and mental bodies, with being an individual, and being a family. Sexuality plays a substantial role in our lifestyle formation and management. In a broad sense, for many it is one of the highest pleasures in life. It also produces the most scruples and hangups! However, it is not the purpose here to talk about sexuality per se; we build our lives (and our lifestyles) principally around making ourselves happy, and pleasurability is one of the predominant factors in this happiness. In comparatively recent times, although not in every country or society, there has been substantial change involving sexuality: contraception and abortion is legal and available; homosexuality and prostitution are condoned; ‘soft’ pornography is accepted as part of life; many, many marriages end in divorce, which, in turn, has given rise to the dysfunctional family; sex before marriage is commonplace; marriage itself is no longer a social ‘necessity’, and many couples live together and build families this way. The size of family, as we have said, has also changed beyond recognition – the ‘cement’ which held the members together has been washed away, so to speak. Perhaps the principal cause of this is the desire for greater riches and for the ‘supposed’ concomitant rise in happiness and quality of life. Changing a job can involve changing a country, and the family unit is further eroded; riches may come, but not necessarily greater happiness – changing a job can often entail forced change of lifestyle for all family members. Children move away from parents, brothers and sisters move away from each other, grandparents are dispatched

and colleagues using video phones. National. of individuality) can be directed to one’s advantage. And we haven’t even begun to explore space – ‘housing estates’ on the moon or planets other than Earth can’t be that far away! Up until this point. International. Greater freedom within the family itself also gives greater opportunity to expand one’s horizons. The lifestyle today. and. as most people have friends. of morals. is not all doom and gloom. Relationships. although faced with ‘shifting sands’ and unique ‘tests’. extend beyond the family home. There is so much displacement occurring to today’s family: it’s no wonder that the lifestyle needs to change regularly to keep up. this is 29 . Social. and maybe further This final part of our section ‘Different Bodies’ combines the final three bodies and looks beyond. it is easier to follow a ‘pied piper’. of course. 3. take a holiday on the opposite side of the world to where we live. in the West. associates. work colleagues. in reality. Yes. Much that has been said in the extensive first two parts is highly relevant to the lifestyle in these broader contexts. friends. yet each person can. we might have given the impression that there is much greater freedom for everyone but. can have a substantial impact on the lifestyle.Stuart Rose to retirement homes (if they haven’t already gone to one under their own steam). this newfound ‘liberty’ may slow down (or move in a different direction) as new technology enables us to ‘meet’ with family. and so forth. And these. The world is not going to change its fast-flowing direction. Greater freedom (of movement. move home every few years – nothing is static. again. but it can be far more satisfying to be one’s own ‘piper’ – if there is courage and a firm knowledge of oneself. However. with which they are engaged in all kinds of ways. Mobility is one of the key factors: we can work many miles away from home. social groups.

not more. and we suffer things like information glut with computers and the Internet. machines (cars. smiling faces. and a prime reason for this is life’s material basis. Fear also spawns yet more miseries. jobs are lost. This black picture is being painted to make the point that.Who Are You? Really! not the case. New technology is designed to make our lives easier. which all work together thereby exacerbating themselves to higher pitches such as road rage and suicide. But if only the material is used to defend against the material we will never grow. frustration. It is the material which is most under threat. depression. and traffic jams making longer travelling time with more and ‘better’ roads and cars. Firm knowledge about oneself and the relative world releases some of it. Happiness itself still exists. creating more tensions such as impatience. new diseases are spreading. increasingly. (not to mention fears we have about ourselves: inadequacies. and these include anger. computers) break down. We can look at what is binding us. terrorists abound. and the like. cars crash. homes are lost through debt. to greed for more of it – fear is never far away. Perhaps first and foremost is that we are bound by a greater degree of fear. inabilities. competition is fierce. children are abducted. but the reverse is the outcome! Surprisingly. crime is rampant. inconstancies) – there’s no end to the list! There is seemingly no escape from fear: it ‘lurks’ never far away hidden under our apparently happy. but the unconscious tension which fear creates needs something stronger. It may well be that we are more bound than ever before in most. Everything is insecure and uncertain: marriages break up. from the inability to manage it. each of us has to defend ourselves more comprehensively. This is why we are saying here that change or modification maybe needed due to the lifestyle: I am 30 . but seems harder to find and easier to lose. we have less time. if not all. important areas. washing machines.

What is more. The individual’s interface with the other bodies and itself We have talked extensively about the individual. a little about the family. and sparsely about the social. shopping (even for groceries) via the internet from home. the country has changed. or my country. national and international bodies. Who or what will I be willing to die for – the children have gone. my colleagues. if they are all so distant and vague? Am I the only person whom I can serve. I maintain it. I am no longer where I was born and brought up. collapsed. social or wider origin – now form one amorphous collection of individuals. ‘chat’ intimately with people we have never and are never likely to meet via email groups in the privacy and security of home – physical social interaction outside of the family or group is in sharp decline. now they are starting to make the individual more isolated – working from home. in turn creating new challenges – but also new 31 . the feeling of patriotism and national identity will decline as nations form closer and closer links with each other.Stuart Rose the way into this situation. I have moved home several times? Feelings of alienation can arise. and I am the only way out of it. take-away meals ordered by phone delivered to the home. To talk more about the latter in isolation starts to become a history of the world and its new technologies. and we become more citizens of the World – or Universe – rather than of a particular country. or merged. We know that these have made the world smaller by bringing people together more quickly. The different structures have dissolved. and does this satisfy my need? We feel lost: where do I belong? And who can I love with any certainty other than myself? My interaction with others is also alienated as it sometimes appears that those involved – whether from family. Who can I serve? How can it be the family.

It can be likened to a smooth flow which appears the opposite when viewed in isolated sections. It’s an odd thing that while our ‘world’ (of interests) is getting bigger because it’s getting smaller (more accessible). do nothing. were sustained. and I will never end the misery. of this there is no question. to be new again. wants and needs. The crucial ‘mover’ in all of this was I-ness: our desires. as I exist in this momentum. disintegrates. and finally evolved. One way of describing it is to say that all and everything begins from a source. I need to keep clarifying where I am. I have to change. All of us will have experienced some of this and know that we are more on our own now than ever before. We can notice clearly the cycles we have been through: how they began. the physical body becomes less important as its public exposure reduces. our engagement with it is reducing. We can establish just how much of what happened was our doing. The individual is simultaneously both expanding and shrinking! The home (as a physical place) – where we are – is becoming more important than ever. it declines. if I stand still. the world will pass me by or sink me in its surge. but there are fewer and fewer people in it.Who Are You? Really! problems – regarding where I fit into it all. and it is easier to change. We sit at home and watch it all – interacting with it – on the TV. or evolves from this source. and how much happened outside of our control – how much just occurred almost of its own volition. or the reason for marriage or partnership has come under question. Without the ‘I’. 32 . returning to the source. At the same time. one would go nowhere. especially so if children have left. more disposable. never have a chance of being happier. Many of these cycles (the bodies we are discussing) occur in various sequences – it is a seemingly continuous process – which means that. it is sustained by the source and breathes its life. only to be ‘re-born’. There is an eternal cycle of which this situation is but another manifestation.

expectations.Stuart Rose just as. and habits are not the lifestyle itself! Because of any reason. One could ask. dislikings. abilities and capabilities. and v) in the same way. but the raindrops are not the river itself. likings. for example. it is then the questions arise: how to do it and what to do it for? And we have already 33 . guiding forces. but bricks are not the house itself. It can be likened to a huge wardrobe full of clothes to try on. methods. when it becomes necessary to bring change or modification to the lifestyle. habits. This I-ness interacts with all the bodies. but the threads are not the cloth. on the theme of ‘lifestyle’. or not? How can I start to move forward? In the next section. behavioral patterns. inner motors. the animal after eating just stands still or lies down and only moves again if pushed or hunger re-appears. points. or that. identifications. but the metal parts are not the bicycle itself. iii) a bicycle is made from metal parts. a lifestyle is made from many factors. why are so many points and factors given in the following assemblage? For this. in different ways: it is very versatile. points. the answer is: i) a house is built with bricks. iv) a river is ‘made’ by raindrops. is my life working as I want it to. guidelines. or is one bound by set patterns of behavior which automatically ‘switch in’? Is the individual even losing the ability to think for her or himself? How has this happened? The point each of us must come to is one of clear decision: in this direction. ii) a cloth is made of threads. and habits. or not? Can it be improved and made happier. and we can mix and match what comes to mind to our heart’s content. but the factors. some mixtures and combinations of these. even its own physical body. and so forth. wrong movements. or not? Should I change my lifestyle. experiences. Or is it? Does one interact in different ways according to the situation. we have given 112 pointers which paint and describe qualities.

even though the goalposts may change or move repeatedly during the process of this work. We must be clear about what we’re doing so it’s worth repeating. as well as looking at experiences from the past and present lifestyles. even mine. A lifestyle is ‘by the self’. by using such words as ‘if’. Many points and factors need to be thought about. which type of material can be used for which purpose. ‘through the self’. etc. So. will be more or less. the lifestyle of a dead person and a living one are possible to compare. ‘for the self’. Each of us can discover for ourselves how all these elements are interconnected in different ways. ‘in case of’. and the cause of the cause.Who Are You? Really! started our approach to these. how many bricks will need to be changed or modified? Similar questions can also be applied to other examples: just how long is a piece of string? What is more. even though they might not relate directly to each person. and occasions. at different times. places. some goal. ‘maybe’. From where and when can the change or modification start? To change the house. ‘perhaps’. when it is important to bring about change or modification to the lifestyle. suffering. and ‘through the self’. in differing proportions. is not inside? Which points or factors are missing? Write and tell me (the address is at the end). disturbances and their cause. ‘for the self’. then it should be ‘by the self’. and ‘for one’s own self’. and how much is enough? It is better to have some idea. how can we repair or renovate. problems. All these many points and factors are directly or indirectly concerned with our own decisions. but the lifestyle of a person not yet born is not possible to predict and compare! What is possible to predict? The percentage of pain. For example. as there must be some extra points or factors which could be added to this list. Can one say that the picture of anyone’s lifestyle. Who is the final deciding authority? 34 .

or is it a natural occurrence. The reader must decide. to live. not be hurt or pleased by any of its events. but most of all. not an actor – maybe it’s better to ‘sit back’ and watch the show. and read them over and over again – take thinking time to establish points for development and growth from what is said. in a certain and particular way. That is the hope.Stuart Rose Chapter Three The following pages represent highly intensive thinking material. or is the person under the microscope really like what they want to be? Do we really live as what is seen. think truly. 35 . one with minimum unwanted disturbances. Yet what is said might unnecessarily cause a diversion and only hinder what is brought to mind. Think laterally. enjoy the show. or do we just think we do? What is the attitude towards oneself? Is there force to be like this. be relaxed. a response or commentary is given. and you are convincing that it’s me in the play. you are a rascal taking me on endless adventures. or are we putting on false ‘airs’: is there pretence. which may help and guide getting to the point or points of the Pointer. Take time to go through each Pointer.) 1 Attitude to do To behave. tangentially. This thinking material is given to help come to a better understanding of ourselves to enable a healthier and happier life. to start to expand it. After each of the Pointers. 112 Pointers to a Brighter Lifestyle Just See what Rises in the Mind and Play (O mind. (Who is it living like this or that? Are we like what we see. mostly in the form of questions. The responses are not in any detail of particular life events or personal understanding. these each of us need to add.

why bother to adjust? This life will be alright in the end. Well. (What’s the difference between adjusting and adapting? What does the dictionary say? Does adapting mean more of a change than simply adjusting what already is? Is it possible to adapt to different situations. or to be more comfortable? Why adjust? (No need to. survival may not be possible.) 3 Adaptation To have.Who Are You? Really! without personal influence? Is it known what other people think of how we live. If only things had been different. are smooth for us on the inside. afterwards there can be contentedness. Is there something to gain or lose by adapting? Yes. so that the existing lifestyle or future performance and activities and so forth. an increase in happiness. After adapting it. Yet if there’s no adjustment. with certain purpose. this life is just right. Take the easy route. How to decide. In any case. or to procure what one doesn’t have. But is there a risk of the reverse? What to do?) 4 Acceptance For certain things. almost so. an unwillingness? Identify which situations they are. a little contentment is possible. or is there a reserve. but why does one need to adjust? Does one need to have less disturbance in the life. It’s as crucial as that. how we behave? What does the word ‘attitude’ mean? So many similar questions about oneself!) 2 Adjustment It’s natural to adjust. and how much needs adjusting if the decision is made to adjust? Which part of this life is really OK. is for pleasure and 36 . and which part needs attention? We must be honest with ourselves.

how is agreement possible.) 5 ‘Openness’ To receive with closedness is very difficult. or is it more concerning about the subject. one way limited. Does it matter about the object. isn’t it.Stuart Rose happiness. contentedness. oneself? To explore this further. and am I separate or a part of it? The ego or personality might insist that there is separateness from the source. and is the pattern based on outside influences or internal ones? And what has fear got to do with the answer?) 6 To agree Again this is required. Where is what is being faced coming from. or are we open? Or are we both. it is required. happy. In the reverse. depending on what mood we’re in? Openness is expansive. are we better people. it gives bad feelings. what is wanted to be accepted and what not? Then the question can be asked: why this way or why the other way? Which is right? Is there a right and wrong? But then there’s another way of looking at acceptance. and in it. more in focus. it’s not good. dissatisfaction. along with 4 and 5. but this needs to be thought about. and is the indifference hot or cold? Is there an in between?) 37 . it seems there might be an inconsistency here: is there a pattern to when we are open and when we are closed. there can be unhappiness. when there’s agreement. (Yes. but what happens if there’s no agreement? If there’s no openness and acceptance. there can be happiness. bad faith. the other way unlimited. or does it manifest as half-hearted and so of less value or even valueless? Is there tranquillity. Either way. welcoming. (It’s a choice. receiving can be uncritical. or does being generally in agreement make no difference to us? Can we be indifferent to what occurs. (Are we closed off. and is that why it’s required? At this time.

is 38 . or is greater happiness found with others? What has pleasure got to do with this? Nothing or everything? Is freedom pleasurable. nothing appetizing. creates a bridge or passage for movements of energy: to have. making possible (bridging) the way forward. was it a good choice or not so good? When do we abstain from choosing? How do we know?) 8 Use of freedom For better living with maximum enjoyment. or is the most freedom always solitary? Which is preferred? Is there happiness on one’s own. has one ever enough. and no interference and disturbance from others. (Just like being at a restaurant when there’s nothing that takes one’s fancy. to get.Who Are You? Really! 7 Use of choice Right to select is possible. Does interest mean dissatisfaction with what one has. (Are we ever completely free or is freedom always a compromise? Is there freedom in a group of people together. but only when the choice is sufficient. Or is it? Interest can be creation: one develops a liking for something or somebody. to achieve some things. or are we not in the right frame of mind to make a rewarding choice? Are all choices rewarding? Maybe we have to make the choice out of what there is. a family or society for example. nothing good to buy. whether we like it or not and regardless of the result. and that liking is the interest upon which action is built. or is fun better? And what is meant by ‘better living’? Is it possible?) 9 Interest A binding agent. Have we done this in the past? In retrospect. (The interest that is received on one’s savings or activities is not what is meant here. nothing we want to do. Is it what’s on offer. Becomes also the cause of habit formation. like a glue. the choice. nobody we like.

priority is given in looking to certain things. bad. watch the same TV programmes. then can we trust them as a guide? And what of feelings upon which we’ve made important decisions. Why do we like what most other people like? Is it because it’s easier to adopt an existing value. do we know. than developing something truly unique. or are feelings of all sorts: good. but we are all different because we each have unique value systems – this is why so many people shop at supermarkets and so basically eat the same food in the same way. (Is each of us unique or are we all essentially the same? O. it is why so many of us wear ‘unique’ designer clothes. and how is moderation possible?) 10 Feeling As a base of thinking. (What is there no feelings about. or who is it that rules the roost? If we cannot control them. can anyone or anything influence them. or is to have no feelings. to show own uniqueness – speciality – through this. impossible? Is there a clear definition of what a feeling is. or like a guide.Stuart Rose the habitual building of bridges good or not so good? Is the extreme an addiction. and indifferent? Can we control them. however slight. was the result as planned. or were there a few surprises? How can we trust ourselves? Is there a way?) 11 Value system Importance is given on a certain basis. and so forth. and action: works as a guiding force. and is any addiction good? What’s the honest answer. a popular value. decision. truly ourselves? Is it because we are fearful of being different? Do we lack the courage of our convictions to be unique?) 39 .

often. for not having some changes very often. or do we do something concrete to make it come about? When we’ve thought about it and done things to make something happen. Just to repeat and repeat! (Are routines good or bad.Who Are You? Really! 12 Determination Or. closed. but it may also lead to becoming stuck. or stubbornness. when life is comfortable?) 13 Following a regular routine Once the programme is started. how can we get out of it. occasionally. How is it possible to tell when one is stuck in repeating routines and. and what are its negative aspects? Does a routine lead to an ordered life. to be open to change even when things are going alright. what help do we need?) 14 Making it happen Goal-oriented movement or activity from thinking. (If we want something particular to happen in our lives. and acting in a particular way. or all of the time? Do we have the courage to not stand still. if it becomes like a rut. insistence. deciding. or does not having one lead to a chaotic life? Routine may be thought of as beneficial. freeing or stifling. who or what actually produced the result – did we achieve the result unaided. or what was the help we received? Do we 40 . Is that OK? Unwillingness to even consider change must be considered detrimental to leading a full life. do we just hope it will and wait for it. or can they be both? What is the benefit of a routine in our lives. firmness. (Are we determined not to be happier? We can stay put as we are for the rest of our lives. fixed. for particular reasons it becomes a set pattern of certain movements. we can say. And how often should change be considered: once in a blue moon. a little like a bonsai tree that hardly grows because it isn’t given enough space to spread its roots.

we can improve our standard of living. what can be done to shift the balance of positive effort from the outer life to the inner? Will changes need to take place? If so what needs to be done to give the inner greater strength and satisfaction? Can we risk weakening the outer life?) 17 Responsibility Feeling of responsibility. but nevertheless found that the people were happier than us. but internally we are unhappy. but how can we make our life happier. maybe all of our lives are spent doing this. outer level – but there is a strong inner base or satisfaction. one after the other. are the results always the same. (It seems important to maintain our outer appearance. If the outer is strong but the inner weak.Stuart Rose always make things happen in the same way. sometimes to the detriment of our inner life. 41 . where will this lead? Can this be called living a lie. upgrading little by little. if we do. how can we become more content? Further. (Yes. what would happen if we didn’t?) 16 For inner satisfaction Somehow it may look like unhappiness – no satisfaction outside. does it matter that we keep similar to others. or on what does the answer depend?) 15 Improving the standard of living Through achievements. to be similar like others. and can there ever be real satisfaction and happiness living in this way? If this is the case. if externally we appear to be happy. There is nothing wrong in making life more comfortable. and. which has some force and control. but does this improve just the physical side of our lives? Are we happier through our efforts? Many will have visited poorer countries where standards are much lower than ours. or do we normally try different ways for the same ends? Which way is better.

If we are free to do as we wish. activity or performance. likes and wants. who is it that chooses what to do. for example. (Who are we primarily responsible for. supply of provisions. but do we set. go towards building a comprehensive picture of ourselves. each Pointer contains differences and links to the others which. or is our life full of compromises? Do we value ourselves sufficiently to be able to fulfill our wishes or what is it that obstructs us? In previous Pointers. once met with. then who creates the conditions whereupon the design of life evolves. for our home. somewhere in the middle. is the responsibility we feel more materially based. to do in accordance with own wishes and will. which is asking us to think whether we are ever completely free?) 19 Conditions Internal or external environmental condition (any type of environment) which becomes the designer of ‘life design’! (We have a mind and a body. or at the bottom? What responsibilities do we have for ourselves? How does each of the responsibilities we have influence (restricting or freeing) our lives? Is this voluntarily acceptable or forced?) 18 Allowance First to oneself. invent or build our own conditions or does ‘someone’ else? If the answer is ‘not me’.Who Are You? Really! along with some restrictions on movement. (Do we allow ourselves the freedom to do and live how we want. children. However. so can we take this for granted and get on with the job of designing our lives? Yes or no? But if we didn’t create the 42 . or does it matter if the answer is known or not? The internal and external environments exist. or parents? Alternatively. similar self-questioning has been raised and will again below. or facilities? Can these be prioritized from most responsible to least? And where does each of us fit into the list? Are we at the top. is it one’s partner.

or are we capable but have no ability? Maybe we have both these skills. A fish cannot do this type of demonstration! (Are we able but have no capability. emotional. ‘sweetish and saltish’. the maxim above is helpful in bringing us to work harder at seeing ways to overcome our limitations. we realize our limits. (Words from the past are heard clearly: there’s no such word as can’t! But some things just aren’t achievable. it requires effort to 43 . intellectual. or where? We can make a list with ‘cans’ at the top and the ‘can’ts’ at the bottom. Where are we most limited. and is there a pattern to this? As the pointer says. and in which situations do we have either one or the other. that is we don’t know what it’s for.) 22 Discipline It creates the frame. In this analogy. Once this is seen.Stuart Rose environment (for example this mind and body). depending on the situation. can we learn to become ambidextrous. it gives the shape. after knowing one’s own limits. so to speak? Where can we get the strength and power from to do this? Do we have it within?) 21 Can and can’t Guideline for doing. in what areas of life: practical. and to do according to this guideline. to demonstrate strength and power. and we know it. then how then can we successfully design the life? Puzzling. capability To swim in both types of water. and a sea fish. a freshwater fish cannot survive in salt water. is it possible to work at bringing some of the ‘can’ts’ towards the upper part of the list? Doing this. or a mixture of the variations. In which situations do we have both. to show. isn’t it!) 20 Ability. the reverse.

bad or is there indifference? Do we get where or what we want without it. we surrender and sacrifice – or perhaps more likely partially give up or compromise – our own desires to another’s benefit. do we say. And we suffer the consequences. but at some point or points in our lives. and not to consider To achieve what is fixed and decided by one or more than one. or is it thought to be unnecessary and valueless. to make it easier to move forward. we tried the best we could’. Do we select one of these three when making a decision that is difficult. Is discipline thought to be beneficial and necessary. Is that satisfactory?) 23 Surrender To give up resistance.Who Are You? Really! maintain for whatever it is. but isn’t it the case we always have the personal satisfaction that. but for others. (Discipline or self-control is natural for some. what needs to happen for complete surrender to take place? Is it possible to let the whole of the individual will go? What would this entail?) 24 To neglect. it won’t do any harm’. is it good. ‘I did it’? If so. half-hearted discipline. ‘Oh well. it’s more difficult and here we say: ‘just one more cream cake. It may be at any cost for certain and specific purposes or reasons. Is this true? We may think we give everything in certain circumstances. or when we know the outcome is already decided or over which 44 . involved in some of the considerations about what to take into account when making a decision. then only is it possible to get and enjoy the result. yes or no? Without it or with partial discipline. to be ready to do as per the wish and will of others. (The Pointer contains three slightly different approaches. albeit on the same theme. (Everything we do is for our personal gain in some form or other. to ignore. that life doesn’t need it? What is the experience of purposely applying discipline to one’s life.

or it may be that this search is for something we already have but don’t realize. Yet we can feel that it’s inappropriate to ask for help because we each have to live our own lives in our own way. bad or indifferent about using it. how can it be possible to have it. or are we forced to use it to survive? In what type of situation can manipulation be ethically or morally correct? Now look in practice: do we use it. why are we valuing what we don’t have and have never thought of having until we see someone else with it? Is where we are in life where we want to be regardless of anyone else?) 26 Manipulation To have it. (Manipulation is an art perfected by some to achieve their goal. This sense of incompleteness may be correct. to achieve it. at any cost. requires this skill of manipulation. non-manipulative method? Is life all about getting it no matter what the cost for oneself or others?) 45 . just getting by with the minimum amount of input.Stuart Rose we have no influence? Or is this our normal way of getting through life. (It’s easy to get stuck. How can we find this out? Or alternatively. to not be able to work out for oneself the way forward. but how do we feel about it in theory? Is it a good or bad characteristic? Is it an essential quality to get successfully through life. so to speak. do we feel good. without breaking out of the mould. when do we use it. without making the effort to fully consider all that we could?) 25 To remain ‘in search of’ Feeling of missing out of what others are having. is it nonessential. by any way. that is only considering things from a limited or partial perspective. do we value the result of using it as much as we would by using a different. and what others might say can be misleading.

It’s rarely like this. which in turn can be the motivation to change in such a way that there are no more complaints. but our lives can be ones of continual suppression of the truth. past experience (as a guide) gives the guidance. Difficulty in adjustment. always comfortable! Is this how our life is? Normally it’s not. and this unhappiness is quite strong. but how can we assess whether something is just or unjust for ourselves? How can we see the difference between the two objectively? Talking to others can help. a piece of cake – it’s always happy. showing that everything’s ticketiboo. and to show that it’s easy and comfortable. and to be a lawyer for that side. how we think. it’s easy. Is this the way we want our life to be. Better to suppress. but if there are no others. We can complain about lots of things outside with the purpose of making them more acceptable. with some reason and purpose behind. such as the way we are. what has to change?) 28 To complain To point out certain things for improvement. to locate where the injustice is. so for some reason – perhaps because we might feel inadequate for certain tasks in life or in certain situations – we hide the inner truth and wear a perfect mask.Who Are You? Really! 27 Just to suppress For this. always successful. how can we be sure that something is just or 46 . where the weak side is. This is the way to contentment. (Life isn’t difficult. To do immediately? (It is easy to think about justice for others. but do we complain about things inside. what we have done – to whom can we address these complaints? Inner complaints must be self-criticisms. (If we complain we are unhappy about something. tipping the balance between what can be accepted and what cannot. or what can we do to live fully in the truth. We live a lie and die without revealing or realizing the truth.) 29 To fight for justice To search.

(No matter what another person might unfairly do to you or say about you. and then also be our own judge to give a fair and impartial ruling. to remain clean. clear and fair defends against all disturbances. results. If selfinjustice is left. are they worth protecting. the weak one. or actions. if we want. We have an instinct to survive and. clear and fair. What happens when we are attacked? What are the emotions that immediately rise up? Is it to ‘hit’ straight back. if we find new evidence. (When we feel we are the protector it means that we feel strong or at least have some strength. is the ability for selfprotection.) 30 Feeling of fair To get disturbance from unfair behaviour. what good are they? Can we throw them out as rubbish or re-build them with greater strengths or are we loathe to let them go. Throughout life. Can we then.) 31 To be a protector A ‘sense to protect’ the weak side. protect them? But we must ask ourselves. even though we may also have weaknesses. for both sides of the ‘case’. or to crumple under its weight. if we just don’t like what we have decided. appeal against our self-judgement? Yes. Try to remain clean. the weaknesses and strengths. to change the status quo?) 47 . It’s the most substantial defence. nothing is solved. but no. so how do we achieve this? What needs to occur within us? Our strength will be found in always being clean. in every aspect. what value do our weaknesses have for us. life will never be settled. or will it make no dent in our ‘armour’? Which is best? Solid levelness is the ideal state.Stuart Rose unjust? We must become our own lawyer and weigh up the facts and feelings. clear. responding at the same level simply prolongs the agony. Do we know our weaknesses well enough so that we can always be ready to support them. and fair. within this.

not all of the time. but much more selfvaluing. and just plain normal. peaceful. having both the anima and animus? We can nurture ourselves. to be with ‘spiritual behaviour’. to show. To take it is easy. sad. this is something entirely different. It’s an outlook. affections. not seriously. and most importantly. the ‘deep’ truths about life. Can we consider ourselves to be in some way our own mother. respectively). thoughts and behaviour? Can we identify what is spiritual and what is not? Spiritual does not mean religious.) 48 . to keep. to consider others as children (like one’s own). Does each of us have it. And these can be all ‘colours’: joyful. anything or any matter related to life (don’t mind behaviour). melancholic. This self-love is vitally important to our growth. hilarious. but all people? Psychology talks of the anima and animus (female tendencies in a male. we can love ourselves. a specific way of being. Spiritual behaviour can be like most other types of behaviour but with one important difference in that it understands. (Is there a separation or distinction between spiritual and day-today activity.Who Are You? Really! 32 Mother instinct Allow emotions. incorporates. to promote the well-being of all. at least. way of conducting our lives which doesn’t have to be sombre or serious. just like life as a whole is many qualities at different times. and caring to develop towards the needy. consider others as our own. self-fulfilling. teach ourselves. male tendencies in a female. to suckle. It is not narcissistic. (Another protecting instinct is the mother instinct – the nurturing capability. busy. too. not just some or most women. is in tune with. Who is the most needy of our love if it is not ourselves?) 33 ‘Spiritual behaviour’ and no seriousness In day-to-day life activity other than the spiritual field.

why it is. and to perceive what is not there as if it is there? To be clean. Real means permanent and unchanging as opposed to real which is temporary – like an ice cream. Everyone tries to be. activities. there is no mirror What is there to consider. in its own form. It is difficult to know how it is inside. Real spelled with a capital ‘R’ infers it may not mean what one immediately thinks. happy. (What is real? To answer this we must first establish what is meant by the word ‘real’. from this it’s easy to see fear is a roundabout spinning so fast that it’s impossible to get off. change being too risky? If so. it says ‘look out’ and then we can react to avoid or face the danger. functions. and the center of all. it is all the time more like a best companion with one! (What is it we are frightened of? The answer to this can be: things and people which threaten our well-being in some way. What is this?) 35 Fear A basic instinct which becomes the controlling agent sometimes. manifests in many different ways connected and related with many various fields. but a few minutes later it has melted and is no more. the center for all. and what does this result in? Is fear deeply imbedded thereby ensuring that we never contemplate change. it enables our survival. in which way it is. or like a thought or a tree and even a person. Fear is both beneficial and detrimental. and systems. it is safer to stay aboard. free from fear. What is Real in life? Is everything that we think as real a misconception? Is our reality merely a reflection and fleeting. What is real about all these? Real has to be solid. realized where it is. to perceive as what is not there. Fear is our protection. it’s real enough straight from the fridge. dependent on the existence of the mirror? What is real is that which has no reflection.Stuart Rose 34 Reflection is Real. How much of our lives is governed by fear. and as the ‘best companion’ it may need to be 49 . Until it is recognized. wants to be. since how long it is.

what are we going to do?) 38 To identify with that. Is life completely comprised of knowledge and ignorance. means. or ideal? Sounds funny. methods. In fact.) 36 Proof and evidence This is the source of real knowledge. or is there something else? Are we ruled by what is measurable. and vice versa. perhaps.Who Are You? Really! relegated. (It’s important to fully understand the meaning of words we use. planet. not on facts and figures. to grow. to store. for worldly matter. country. put more in perspective. maybe. mother or father. to facts and figures and the like. for verification of the knowledge. (This is obvious. child. to collect. proof and evidence is needed to establish factual knowledge. doesn’t it? There is very little of importance that we can have alternatives for. to keep. body. what has not to be! To establish oneness. is wisdom always true. by certain tools. home. always reliable?) 37 To have ‘alternatives’ Just in case of. but are we ever caught napping without something up our sleeves to protect us? Where or when might we never need to have something in reserve saved up for a rainy day or blue moon? Can we have an alternative to ourselves? Can we have an alternative partner. parameters. to keep some alternatives ready. knowledge cannot exist without ignorance. then what to do? So. the mundane? How is it that things occur to us seemingly out of the blue? Wisdom is different because it’s not based on worldly matters. after that. Knowledge and ignorance refer to worldly matters. to develop with that and in that 50 . but can we be certain that wisdom exists? If it does. better to have. Knowledge has its opposite in ignorance. and just in case something happens to something for which there isn’t an alternative.

(Do we know when to let go of things. what is the matter with reality? As in the previous Pointers. or do we get too attached (superglued). What is it in our lives which cannot be described. but at others it feels claustrophobic. so we add color. we can then approach the second part of the Pointer to discover what has not to be when there is ‘that’. what it is. so we add seasoning. for the time being! (To understand this Pointer we must know what is meant by ‘that’. What is real about us? After answering this. so we invent stories to make it exciting. to make it appear different from what it actually is. fixation ‘Fix in a second’. the room is too dull. suffocating. Why do we make things appear unreal. fear of 51 . making it impossible or very difficult to let go? Our lives fill with attachments. what can be other than one? Can we grow and develop in oneness. to hold it in a loose way. or which we can relate to in some way. ‘That’ is a word which identifies that which cannot be identified. We can start with ourselves. life is too ordinary. to add some more spices. Can there be something other than ‘that’? If ‘that’ is oneness. then we can look to see how and why we have superimposed the color/spicy/tasty attributes. for which words are useless? And once we have worked this out. What makes us hang on to things and people and ideas? Is it fear: fear of being left alone. about which other words can give this ‘that’ some characteristics or features which we might recognize or have an inkling of. in a smooth way.Stuart Rose established oneness. (The food is too plain. After that inseparable. or does something else need to occur? What is one?) 39 Superimposition Instead of perceiving as it is. and it feels nice and comfortable some times. just to put some suitable colour. Is there anything real about us?) 40 Tendency to hold. we need to establish what is real in our lives and where we have superimposed something to camouflage it. to make it tasty.

There is no danger in doing this. We have met with a similar conundrum above.Who Are You? Really! not having enough. The ‘seeing’ is not visual. everything used to store them will be scrupulously clean. To change our attitude to holding essentially means letting go. it means not in one’s normal everyday consciousness. We can imagine in advance of this exercise what is our most valuable. for example. but it doesn’t mean it is not there at all. or however this might be described. too. as if clearing a steamed up room.) 42 Preservation At a deeper and deeper level. we take great care to clean them thoroughly and cook them fully as the menu dictates. And many people chew imaginary chewing gum! To reach this state we have to clear all our normal ways of being. How much can be let go? Can everything go?) 41 To be with that which is not there This means to be with that absence of a particular or specific presence. to keep. and it won’t be in any way material. on the contrary. that we would most wish to preserve. so to speak. but 52 . to eat like chewing gum! (How is it possible to be with something which isn’t there? When it is said that it isn’t there. Most likely it will be the truth of our inner being. and freedom. Then we put them somewhere out of sight in an environment most conducive to their longevity. to store inside. it’s more an understanding. Then there is clarity. This doesn’t mean getting completely rid of the normal self. to preserve. joyfulness. but once put to one side. to see what else is there. fear of oneself? The middle way is to use a weaker glue so making it easier to dispense with the unwanted fetters. it might even not be someone closest to us. Then. how to go about preserving it? If we are preserving plums. without the machinations of the normal mind there is peace. (What is it that we want most to preserve? Make a list in ascending order and see what’s top. that’s not possible.

or moving to a new home. or to a new life. or liking (or even disliking). almost unendingly. But does it end there? Is this network floating around on its own in space. for example. creating an unbreakable network. Whichever is the case. but this also begs the question whether there is ever a start to things. levels of value. and to be happy with a new start each time. with the truth of our inner being. (In the previous Pointer. so to speak. So. These levels might be looked upon as separate ‘bits’ which go to make up the whole individual. which means that whether. value. too. we may have noticed that its contents could be classified into different levels – levels of importance. just like an unbreakable network.) 43 Different levels Connections and inter-connections to these levels. we can be happy because otherwise we would be eternally unhappy. it’s changing a brand of soap. Or is everything simply one continuum?) 53 . we can never know the answer to whether something is complete or not. This highlights the idea that we are comprised of a multitude of levels each with a particular importance. when making our list. or is it attached to something else? How many connections to this something else can be established?) 44 To start and not to finish But to start again and again. is life itself complete or is it always unfinished? Some people believe there are more lives to live after we die. levels of liking. We can easily accept the idea of never finishing. and we can ask.Stuart Rose also somewhere that their ‘health’ can be monitored. but it will also be apparent that there is a ‘glue’ holding them all together. (Is this the story of our lives? Is this satisfactory? Why does it happen? Perhaps everything in our lives is incomplete.

We try to satisfy smaller dissatisfactions and these activities turn life into a seesaw. right here.) 46 Happy Ending. to be dissatisfied. and this wisdom automatically dispels dissatisfaction. a hope. that life is finite (although many nearing the end are glad life’s nearly over). it must also exist right now. We can be happily dissatisfied. is the answer. with effort and support. Does it give much happiness? (Similar to above Pointer but what is meant by ‘happy’? What is the difference between ‘happy’ and ‘satisfied’. Yet being dissatisfied can be turned into the motivation to discover more about life. from the truth of it all? Time-pass. What can we do about this fact of life? Absolutely nothing is the answer. it can turn it into something completely fulfilling.Who Are You? Really! 45 Dissatisfaction To use as a motor to move. but can we ever be satisfied if we are dissatisfied? The outcome of anything can never be assured which is why we hope and wish for the outcome we want. and a wish that it may be. What for? What do we really gain from this activity. if it exists in the future. And we can have many attempts. mother of creativity – that’s why it’s better to remain. (What’s really wrong with how we are? The ultimate dissatisfaction might be that we have to die. at any cost! Enjoyment of finishing gives the feeling of Happy Ending! Many starts. much to finish and end. which keeps life full of distractions from its real purpose. even at living this life with happiness – there’s time enough to work towards a happiness. swinging from one to the other and back again. Is this true? Does happiness always have to be in the future? What about having it now because. to keep.) 54 . there is. with grace and blessings. a wish It becomes a dream. more about who we are. by any way. an expectation. it should be. or is there one? Yes.

if that stops. to stop. and more too. defecating. to maintain a list of work to finish. To programme. to close. drinking. because. To have or to take advantage of ‘kept it open’. not complete things. How much is ‘enough’ is difficult to judge. perhaps. Not to have satisfaction from one’s own work is sufficient enough to stop. Make a list of things which we do (not things which happen automatically such as growing and heart beating). What is it that we cannot stop? First is. 55 .) 48 From simple to complex. crying. To keep. Preference to do the work after starting the other one. breathing. to be busy. unfinished. the next one is completed. After some period. to stop. The list of things to do rarely ends because no sooner than certain things are complete new ones surface. engaged in such a way that. to complete. to stop. to complete. everything stops. to complete? Let it remain open. and we might add talking. to finish. to close. to complete the other one. thinking. to close. to keep it open After finishing. to find out. to be with it. and to manage it later on. the ‘complex’ does not remain as difficult. sleeping. moving. with keeping one work or commitment after starting in an unfinished state! It may be a thesis or any type of work!! (Life is always comprised of doing something and this doing can never be stopped. to work in such a way. laughing. Diverting the wish. finished. or stopped. and ‘chaos’ is not giving any disturbance. to complete. to finish. but of that which will never be finished. instead of starting one. what will happen? Why is it necessary to close. closed. from one side to the other. from clean-clear to chaos! This is the progressive growth or development which gives challenges all the time to be inside. to stop. seemingly out of nowhere. urinating. The list can include: eating. but there are other things we cannot stop doing. to close. the force to finish. to finish.Stuart Rose 47 Not to finish.

) 50 Each time difficult becomes easy. after deciding to change. just look inside – analogously it is daylight. It’s so easy to fall from the clean-clear original into the chaos of confusion. What causes all this? The answer is simple. development. The work is to clear away the diffusion. right now.Who Are You? Really! (Simple is too simple for our liking. gives irritation and force to move opposite to it. Can the mind be controlled or are we completely at the mercy of its games? Who’s in charge?) 49 Not to be there. in fact we like to remain bound. The mind is not complicated. during progressive growth or development. because the original self is nowhere other than right here. to where there is complexity and chaos (at any level) – there it is possible to be! It gives the feeling of comfort through its familiarity. for the beginner to start any new thing or activity. where it is! Simplicity. clean and clear where it is. and how will we find out where that is? These two important questions can form the basis of changing the lifestyle. so we make it complex by turning it into an impossible ‘knot’ and we cannot find the ends of the string to unravel it. The way out of the muddle is not to re-trace our steps. we need to find our original selves. but clouds obscure the sun. not to re-live the past. seems a most difficult 56 . Don’t take our word for this. so easy was difficult Each time. and to be there. but it can also be complex if we allow it – it is the mind. super-complexity and best chaos! Sign of perfect growth. (How is it possible to get back to where we started from. We have spent our lifetime consciously creating distractions and diversions and now. yet we know it’s shining because of the light. Difficult is ‘opposite of this opposite’! So. but we allow it to become so through our personalities or egos which delight in misunderstanding and enjoy creating disturbance. where it is not.

to drive a car. What changing the lifestyle entails is stepping off the roundabout of how we currently are while it’s still moving. for more excitement and a new challenge. the greatest persuasion. ‘to get a kick’. etc. it looks like ‘to jump 57 .) 52 Boring and monotonous should not be This is a parameter to start something new. Now it becomes more and more easy. It’s how and why advertising works! Boring doesn’t sell. so it’s not even started. everything that is required will be found ready.) 51 Challenge and excitement Now. learning to know who we are. so better to avoid this and to continue with the old one.Stuart Rose task. better to start some new activity. who will be there? Who do we want to be there? Who is always there to help and guide us? That’s the first step.. to read. who’s going to be there to pick me up?’ Well. waiting. it needs constant stimulation of the new and then it happily follows the diversion. and the result. to be oneself. and things must be sold to survive. That takes courage: ‘what if I stumble and fall. Once the new becomes familiar. learning to bake a cake. difficulties become less and less. neither giving excitement. So the close becomes more and more! (This is how the mind works. (It’s the same with learning to ride a bicycle. Remember how it was when making the first attempt to ride a bicycle. At the start of thinking about changing the lifestyle. What is it that will give us the necessary strength? Is there a helping hand? Look within. It can be done. or work. to swim. project. job. the greatest force. as it doesn’t remain as challenging. learning to drive a car. game. also becomes less and less. it seems an impossible task. This means that the first step is the hardest and subsequent steps become easier and easier. It’s a self-perpetuating circle. its ‘challenging portion’ also becomes less and less. work. the excitement. So the first step needs the greatest motivation.

deliberations need not be hurried.Who Are You? Really! out of the line of growth and development’. that’s why ‘last minute decision’. Who has caught us? We have caught ourselves and are our own jailors. but first. and for many other reasons. or in glamour Better to be in front of the camera (movie. look at what it does to keep our attention focussed on what it knows. we can just walk out and be free. In deciding to change the lifestyle. and the multitude of variations on this theme. but they are often the result of considerable reflection. not to be behind. or still). on top. We’re caught. (Life is normally boring and monotonous. not on what it doesn’t know: it buys her a new perfume. ‘knee-jerk’ reactions. video. Spontaneous decisions can be unwise. New is new at many levels. We can learn from looking at how we made changes in the past that were successful. to avoid interference of others. even what gives us the greatest pleasure becomes the same old routine. fearing being left out of the crowd but also fearing standing out from the crowd. Do we dare?) 53 It looks like ‘a last minute decision. as a fresh one. action’ Pre-calculated but not to disclose so early. but to have a skill to do 58 . But the mind is devious. to surprise others. Decisions that are made might appear spontaneous. to put pressure on others. (Often it’s better not to talk to people about one’s thinking because some of the ideas might not be fully thought through. not to remain behind. and we get sucked into the game. and we have already made up our mind before their exposure to the world.) 54 Not to be second. does not remain new. him a new toy for the office. fearing boredom and monotony. It keeps us busy with trivia. we must be confident the change decided upon is the right one. but there aren’t any locks on the doors. and from those which were not. and are easily regretted. once it becomes familiar it becomes old.

there is only ever one lifestyle. We are always in competition because it is our instinct to survive. to succeed.) 55 To remain in competition.) 56 Copy. or to move. without self drive. it must be lived. However. imitation Photocopy is more original than the original. to live at a higher standard than the other. But on the inside we can decide to take control. Each of us is the star of our lives. They say. This is what has to be on the outside. no-one but ourselves can live it. We know this is so because it is experienced at moments of deep concentration when doing something or making something. to make the other automatically inferior. ‘why aren’t you happy?’ Because the neighbor is happy! (There is no possibility of opting out of life. there are countless examples. and it may have to be accepted sometimes because of outside influences. which means that to be second can never be acceptable. we must always be first. superior than others Utilizing skill and efficiency. to get what others don’t have. to be in control.Stuart Rose something from behind! (Second is never good enough. We don’t get to be first without some effort. and we play this ‘game’ all of the time. before they grab it. but there is always the feeling left behind that things could and should have been better. so it is up to us whether our ‘movie’ is a smash hit or whether it’s a forgotten dream. so that they feel themselves inferior. to be better. some input – a movie star doesn’t suddenly become a success overnight without an acting skill. Whether we are happy or sad is not completely in our control because outside forces fluctuate and our emotions ‘bend’ accordingly. It carries the 59 . without rehearsal. either to give the feeling to others. and here we can find happiness without relation to anything or anyone else.

‘responsibility oriented’. then whatever we do is bound to be done half-heartedly thereby automatically reaping the reward of being insufficiently satisfying. and deeds.) 58 To learn from a mistake and not to know about correction! Learning from a mistake is only possible when the correction is 60 . in fact it’s normality that we follow what others are doing. what they’re seeing. living how we’re ‘sold’ to live. or performance. looks like mechanical behaviour. (This is the easy way out of living life to the fullest as we have talked about above. for example. less care and less awareness Duty-bound behaviour.) 57 Just to do. otherwise our deeds. doing. and it passes. It does matter to us how we live our lives. actually are simply mechanical. we have it. If we are not fully conscious in what we do. what they’re wearing. and so forth. words. We want to take control. We can get all through life in this way – it’s a ‘breeze’ because we don’t have to actually do or think or decide anything of importance for ourselves. (The herding instinct is not just in nature. Awareness has to be of all three together. and we don’t want to be a photocopy of everyone else. without getting the idea that it can be. And this is the ‘sloppy’ way many of us carry on through life.Who Are You? Really! mistake in a perfect way because it is a perfect photocopy. It’s easy. to have greater awareness of our thoughts. it is just done with less care and less awareness. Is this what we want? Is it any matter to anyone else how each of us lives the life? Of course it isn’t because everybody is fully occupied living their lives. but it is not. it may be a wrong action. too. and so what! The way out of this situation involves a change from being asleep to ourselves to being alert to what we are doing all of the time. but ‘photocopy’ hasn’t the sense to do any correction. as was said earlier.

the common denominator needs to be found and. write down in the first column as many mistakes that have been made in life that can be remembered. ‘what to do’ and ‘what not to do’ when it is not clear that the doing will not be better than that of others. and from the third column assess whether the rectification was successful. Are there any straight repeats of a mistake listed in the first column. Then. what to do for that was not asked by the person? (Let’s play a game! With a pen and paper. Now contemplate the findings. second? There is no second. but are there any essentially the same? From the second column make a self-assessment of what was done with the acknowledgement of the mistake. if we look deeply at all the links we will find a common denominator to every part. and in the third column write down what had been done to rectify or otherwise correct the mistake.Stuart Rose done at the right time. in the second column. write down whether the mistake was acknowledged. Now we can analyse the three lists.) 59 To evaluate in a different way Necessary to do this because. right place. but what needs evaluating? What part of one’s life? With some parts we are content and other parts not so – is evaluation just for the not-so-good parts? The answer to this is that every part is in some way linked with the other parts and it’s impossible to clearly separate them. what was learned from the mistake. they may have different scenarios. Repetition of the same mistake shows that learning has not taken place.) 61 . (Evaluation is necessary. which means that the results of the work will affect all parts. To notice the mistake. different timescales. does it mean that correction has been done? No! Then. after evaluation. First. However. both big ones and small ones. and it is this which can be evaluated in a different way.

) 61 To improve the method of collecting and preserving information To keep a position. on which we can stay ahead. have our wits constantly about us to secure that ‘edge’ which will give us the value on which we can capitalize. and only reveal what is necessary at the right time. it means to live one’s own life.Who Are You? Really! 60 While doing own calculation. and it is better to refrain. If we try to share our thoughts and feelings. without exception. unpredictable. is that nothing can truly and accurately be shared. about the right life skills? What are the life skills which are most important? What sort of information are we lacking and how do we go about obtaining it? We need to know these things not only to survive but to succeed. One’s experience is all there is. This means that any attempt at sharing could put one at a severe disadvantage with the other. to remain out of calculation of others This is also important. and to manage own movement as if not calculated! Looks like spontaneity! (This Pointer is all about whether to share or not. to maintain a chair or place. we will not be able to give a completely clear picture. ‘we’ve either got it or we haven’t’ – we’ve all got some special skill. for any specific purpose. (Have we learned enough about life skills. The simple answer.) 62 . to do any activity. Collection and preservation of this information requires some skill and efficiency. which we have alluded to above. How do we go about learning the particular information we can best utilize for our advancement? We have to be canny although not devious or underhanded. to remain incalculable. and the person with whom the attempt is made will have different ways of interpreting what we say. This does not mean we have to play a mystery game with the other and have no meaningful communication. There is the saying. requires some necessary information.

any change only involves ourselves. (Divide is not necessarily negative. to better suit what we want. it’s a little like teasing out various strands in order to be able to approach groups or individual strands more fully. to have greater impact and influence. and use of it for many different purposes in the best way. Knowing more about ‘where’ we want to be is a significant help to getting there – a little like learning about the sky to become an astronomer. effect. sale of information. In deciding to change the lifestyle it is obviously important to find out more about the life we want to lead. Also. (How we lead our lives is based on what we know. is bringing together disparate strands which may help to give us greater impact or strength. or use both methods in a suitable way for specific purposes.Stuart Rose 62 To use this information in the best way Exchange of information. which in turn means that certain decisions must be made: what is the change we want to make at the moment. both may be needed – something may need breaking apart and cementing back together in a new order. one person. the alternative way. or function. or unite and rule. Uniting. to have or to achieve any type of result. Courage may be needed to complete this successfully.) 63 . or unite and rule To have control over movements. no other individual is immediately involved – others may or may not be affected later. they are methods we can use to enable what needs to be done.) 63 Divide and rule. This means that dividing and uniting are not necessarily opposites. two methods exist: divide and rule. or any system. what does it involve? Needless to say. Once the direction of change is established it will be possible to search out specific information to that field.

to make it big or small and to achieve what was expected.Who Are You? Really! 64 To wait for a chance to make a big or small show! Just to ‘wait and watch’ carefully. to lie low until the time is right! They know when the iron is hot that it is the right time to strike. just to catch and press the weak point. to take revenge To remain holding it up to that time. to deal with the situation? If our life contains anger and hate. However.) 64 . we won’t enjoy it so much. with full patience and tolerance. an occasion. It’s something which shouldn’t be taken lightly. Planning the change to one’s lifestyle is imperative. although sometimes things just don’t go according to plan for all kinds of reasons – life’s like that. for a chance or event. more positive way. change to the lifestyle will be made from the wrong position and is bound to fail. (This Pointer is all about premeditated punishment and its timing. and let it fester until the appropriate time to pour the poison on just the right spot. isn’t it? The play looks so fluid and natural when seen on the TV or at a theatre. but every word and movement is choreographed down to the finest detail well in advance. that is assuming the law will meet out its own punishment for unlawful actions? Is there another. what was planned and programmed. what was decided. so we store up our vengeance. or without due consideration.) 65 To teach a lesson. we are not talking about punishing oneself. the question arises. If it’s not perfect. In this instance. (Changing one’s lifestyle can be a major step or a series of smaller ones depending on which route is chosen. why should we wish to punish anyone ourselves. our negativity. This is why we are going into every aspect of what it may entail to help assure its success. spontaneously. perhaps even backfire. Someone has done harm and we want to ‘hit’ that person back just when and where it hurts most.

because the game of life needs to be a friendly one where the objective is to be happy. From the other’s point of view. which is following the open one. if our cards are shown to the other players they will see what the plans are and act accordingly to make sure our plans don’t succeed. just to show and give importance according to their sayings or advice.) 67 In search of Yes. while the other is hidden. then the motivation is wrong and no real happiness will be produced by it. after receiving it. but that theirs do. planned and expected. If the method chosen to achieve this makes someone else unhappy. there is no desire to hurt. seeking views of others can be worthwhile. Both of these ways can be for all sorts of reasons but are primarily for one’s own success.Stuart Rose 66 Hidden agenda An agenda to show and discuss openly is one. The same with life.) 65 . (Sometimes we seek and abide by the advice of others and sometimes. But we have to weigh up whether to seek other’s help or not – we have already spoken about keeping our ideas close to our chest. as self-harm could also occur by being too open. regardless of any attention given to it. Sometimes we may not realize the views of others nor what effect certain actions under consideration may have. There is nothing sinister implied here. but at other times it is better to keep them to oneself. it may be beneficial for them to feel included in our thinking processes and not left out in the cold. Nevertheless. we decide against what advice was offered. (When playing the game of whist. in search of No To do or not to do according to the yes and no of others what was decided. sometimes it is beneficial to let others know one’s thoughts and plans. so to speak.

(Relationships at any level are full of games and popular psychology has many books on the subject – the variety of games which can be played is enormous.) 69 To find out Out of the many methods to find examples to take an opposite stand.) 70 To keep secret. why all these methods are being used. to do. Mostly they all are purposeful and premeditated. and some are deeply loving. Others should not know what for. If we tell them. which means that the action is likely to fail or at least not produce the desired results. to ask the opposite. to say opposite Not to do with the expectation of others. with fear. must be successful to provide the satisfaction.Who Are You? Really! 68 To do opposite. just to say. to do the opposite with or without any purpose. To find out what we need does not mean that who has the information needs to know why we want it. contentment and happiness that are required. to speak. for example who will it be helpful to or who will it harm. The relationship. secrecy is vital as premature exposure of our intentions may 66 . we need to be aware of what is occurring at all times. Without this knowledge we are in danger of acting on false premises. have their own agenda. (Similarly to the previous Pointer. too. all the time. even one’s own inner thoughts. The reason for the game can be examined in terms of the effect such actions may have. treated as secret! (Again. Some are downright evil in intention while some are just pure fun. we might be in danger of receiving only what the other wishes us to know because they. and they can backfire! A game without a purpose cannot be so called and is more like an accident or faux pas. although some of the results of our games can be unexpected. Such games are rarely idle entertainment. or to say. to keep close All the things.

Stuart Rose adversely effect what we are trying to achieve. Do we do this to ourselves when we’re stuck on a problem. to be one step ahead. (Everyone has vulnerable points but we keep them well hidden less someone uses them for their own benefit. or for defence. is it to hide our 67 . We may also know some weak points of others and may wish either not to use them for our benefit or wish to defend them against some more unscrupulous others. in our relationships we can talk but say nothing. to thwart our plans. and it is better to be in control of our participation and actions. to be a constant reminder that ‘things’ can go horribly wrong without defence. do we try to pull the wool over our own eyes. not ours. paradoxically. If this is done then we will have all the strength required to live life to the fullest even though we also have weaknesses. so to speak. to avoid having to do the work to find the right answer? Either way in our play.) 71 To protect the weak and the weak point Protector is stronger. then it’s the wrong way to create positive strength. face.) 72 To answer in a way which is not an answer Sometimes to maintain prestige. The answer to this Pointer is that we need to know ourselves completely. If our intention is to be devious. and status. respond but deflect or astound. and so need not necessarily require defending. this type of answer is given. Relationships are complex. it will only end up in some way negative. than to wait and be at the mercy of input by others. an endearing charm. Fear is involved because it will heighten our awareness of the need for secrecy. it’s trying to maintain stability. or to subtly attack. What to protect? Why protect? But know very well the reason behind the protection. our strengths and weaknesses. Secrecy isn’t trying to be devious. can be a strength. or to be caught off-guard. Weakness. (For fun and play.

(This is this and that is that and never the twain will meet. this tactic can be used from a position of strength. A search is required to find completion and this can never be resolved by going outward into worldly matters. is the result. always in a state of flux. This seems to be the easy choice which most of us make. Achievement and fulfilment are what is highly desired. to separation. to look towards the centre of our being. then both will mix. Mixture to do. one has to go inward. and we will be able to recognize more easily how others use the same tactic. once we start to know ourselves. but they cannot be attained through worldly things because worldly things can never be fully complete.Who Are You? Really! ignorance or our weakness that we appear inscrutable? This question is similar to that which was raised in the previous Pointer about the importance of knowing oneself fully. by individuality and separation. but not knowing why it’s being done. but we will miss out on the other way as two ways cannot be followed at the same time. to differences. Words are not particularly helpful here which is why this way 68 .) 73 To achieve that. outside or inside? It’s a choice.) 74 Watching outside. it is a knowledge which has to be used for achievement and fulfilment. to neglect this ‘This’ and ‘that’ can’t go together. towards being aware of our beingness itself. (Continuing this theme. alert inside! Where to be. but it is the least fulfilling. we have the choice of using our senses and intellect to stay active in the world. to ignore this. Why? Because this and that are always separate. but is there something else? This and that relate to worldly things. to where there is wholeness. seeing outside. Preference is together. Confusion. to live a wholly worldly oriented life. observing outside. aware inside! Attention inside. driven by the ego. chaos. not weakness. We can go one way. The alternative choice is to use the faculty or ability to turn inwards.

relative power. unbound power. and many of us don’t make the effort. Which power do we have. This Pointer talks of sides. through squeezing! From outside! To get it. which side are we on? By sides. to bring it out. ‘Without putting in’ means that within is already completely full and perfect. ego driven. in reality. method. Best to stay comfortable in the warmth by the TV. inner power. where the power is Does it mean it is a changing attitude? Is it inner knowledge that power can protect? Fear of insecurity! (Where is the power? Have we lost it? Have we ever had it? What is the power being referred to here? It’s obviously better to be where power is because we can feel safer. looks impenetrable. Where we stand is outside because our normal state is ego oriented. and power to personal power.Stuart Rose looks difficult. but it needs waking up. in an acceptable way. technique. either direct or indirect. may be any one. what is required is intuitive knowledge. sound asleep. whereas the deep sleep state is when we are fully awake (without the encumbrance of the ego or individuality). Some wise folk have called this the sleep state – seemingly awake but. (About waking up. through squeezing. or impersonal power. from outside’ means the mind is both our friend and enemy. We all have it. ‘to bring it out. Knowledge needed is not of the world. what is meant can refer to inside and outside. it is our only hope to reach inside of ourselves. wisdom. it is unsettling. outer power.) 69 . but beware of traps it will set against this!) 76 To be on that side. and worldly.) 75 Without putting in. and is this what we want? And how can the change from one to the other be brought about? Trying to establish this may create insecurity because change is usually unwanted.

Is it not indicating ‘the tail between the legs’? (By knowing oneself more fully it is easier to make correct judgements about others. tail inbetween the legs. or surrender.Who Are You? Really! 77 Indicator is the ‘tail of the dog’: tail moving. reason is not the same all of the time. These signs often occur autonomously so care has to be taken to see what is being felt inside and to ensure we don’t give too much away about what we are feeling to others. the preparation starts immediately for giving up. (We show tell-tale signs of how we feel which other people can interpret. to obey. helpful or unhelpful. But what or who is always the stronger one? Does the stronger one always have to be an opponent? Looking outside at the world. most often the stronger one is an opponent because there is separation – the other’s power may threaten one’s own power. so it’s worth the effort and can become natural. Will controlling ourselves curtail spontaneity? Awareness isn’t control!) 78 To recognize the stronger and more powerful other one. this power may be transcendental and out of reach. We can bow to greater power. that is what we don’t want them to know. This means being aware of what’s going on in our lives (in our minds) at all times. or it may be immanent and wholly 70 . Using different words. such as a gleam in the eyes. However. in front of different people. to recognize the movement. etc. It’s a nature which manifests in different ways. better to watch the tail’s position and its movement. whether they are stronger or weaker. opponent. the intention. to accept. to listen. or adjustment. a danger or friendly. immediately As a result of this recognition. the power that is found there is not threatening because it can be no-one else’s power than one’s own. or particular body movements and stances. opposite one. what does it indicate? To know. looking within. Is this too laborious? Being more fully aware of what’s going on within can lead to a more fulfilled life.

Stuart Rose within reach. say. the ‘player within’ wakes up to play and enjoy. that there is a script which we don’t write ourselves. to the power of nature. which we simply act out. Nos. or tree. and each needs to be looked at both from outside going inward and from inside going outward: by comparing one’s responses on these two directions. When power is thought about. 80 Mixture of: i) Expectation. In both cases there is activity. from both of them A childish question coming from the child/adult is that. Each of these Pointers can be seen as shallow and deep – the shallow may be clear to see. that is going inward. it will be possible to see where change may have occurred or where it may need to be introduced or made. Is it the same power?) 79 Same way to recognize the less strong and less powerful. If all power is not the individual’s what does this mean? It means that we can relax – no more struggling to survive. 80 to 112. even a blade of grass and a thought. i) 71 . (The power which is less strong can be perceived as the individual’s power. ii) Player’s play. one can come to the conclusion that an individual’s power is puny in comparison. that is projecting outward. are all about mixtures and relationships. to the power which makes each body. Oh what fun!) The following final thirty-two Pointers. second in terms establishing who one is. but the deep may need to be illuminated. There are no individual commentaries to these final Pointers. no more fighting for an individual place. where to play is possible As a result of this recognition. iii) Allowance to play from two sides. no more trying to buck life’s trend – we can realize we are part of a play. fish. The mixtures each need to be looked at from two directions: first in terms of relationships with others.

81 Mixture of: i) Doing for others. Both. how much neglect will be 72 . and to be ready for a ‘third’ one to do! 83 Mixture of: i) Job. ii) Doing from others. iii) Doing for oneself. How much is enough? Better to know! For not to be selfish. or changing! Any type of activity requires interest. ii) Personal activity or private. but it is also possible to do it without interest! How much interest should be enough. activity. but not at a deep level. so. do for others. that is done with more care. even with interest. Again. doing from others is not the same color! So. to wait and watch is the option. or I will play with you. can give disappointment while playing at a superficial level. all activities are not possible to do. 82 Mixture of: i) Doing at one place. in which activity? Better to know! 84 Mixture of: i) Care.Who Are You? Really! Nobody plays with me. iii) Home activity. so better to know which activity requires care and which is possible to neglect and ignore. Interest for i). ii). together. management or it can be a mismanagement! Simultaneously to do two different things at two places. doing for oneself remains pending. and iii) can be more. What has to be cared for that is neglected? If possible to neglect. less. ii) Negligence. Again. it remains for someone who can understand and do. ii) Nobody allows me to play with them! Or either you play with me. ii) Doing something at another place.

Stuart Rose enough? Better to know. comments. not to behave. to talk. requires more. less. or both of them. try to avoid the clash between the two flows or movement as is i) speaking. suggestions. Attention. iii) ‘without’ and at the same time with. ii) receiver. Both are speaking at the same time on the telephone. 86 Mixture of: i) more and more. iii) No. but not somewhere else. and concentration for any activity or doing. 85 Mixture of: i) Habit to participate actively in group discussion. When and whom to say what should be clear. This does not mean that no-one has to play. i) giver is giving. to react. Better to learn to sit quietly and listen! Opinions. ii) To remain passive at the time and to be an active observer in a silent way. Again. When to be giver? When to be receiver? And when not to be any one of them. ii) listening. and both stop to give a chance to the 73 . etc. ii) listener. There are two types of flow or movement. 87 Mixture of: i) giver.. awareness. criticism. or to do at the same time i + ii. ‘on and off’ of any of the flow of movements is required for satisfaction. ii. are necessary to exchange or to bring out in open discussion. 88 Mixture of: i) speaker. or equal. for something else. ii) receiver is receiving. Now. ii) less and less. with any impulse. or can play the role of passive observer! To control. I will not do any of this i.

again both starting to speak at the same time. ii) less important. ii) no control. less important. iv) no demand. we have no idea about simple important. ii) don’t mind. iii) just to listen and not obey. better to know. Better to know and differentiate. iii) without demandsupply. so that it is possible to say: i) you have not given to me. Habit to treat ‘VVIP’ and ‘VIP’. What has not to be controlled is under control. is out of control! 91 Mixture of: i) important. What is serious and what is not serious. knowingly not to demand. 92 Mixture of: i) to listen. maybe it’s a joke. iii) not important. is old. now more demand and less supply! Knowingly not to supply. and to be ready for any result or consequence. isn’t it? 74 . Better to recognize who is telling. etc. so the telephone company can earn! 89 Mixture of: i) demand. ii) you have not asked me for that! Value becomes less when it is supplied or given without demand. not to do. What is not. no supply. and what has to be controlled. that is ‘free’ from control. 90 Mixture of: i) control. it becomes very important. ii) to obey and to do. then keeping quiet.Who Are You? Really! other. and not important. 93 Mixture of: i) to give importance. speaking to whom. ii) supply.

middle has to be maintained. avoided. not to prevent. iii) abuse. To know and act accordingly. this does not mean becoming or having a materialist approach. 97 Mixture of: i) to avoid. ii) misuse. 96 Mixture of: i) use. or proper use. ‘To use’ is all the time. but for proper use! Better to know how to use properly. avoid. abuse. Two types of behavior. When to be serious and when not to be. Many times effort is made not to misuse. when and where is not required. Effort is made to prevent. When to be what? Just to live spiritually. 95 Mixture of: i) extreme.Stuart Rose 94 Mixture of to take: i) everything seriously. ii) not to avoid. not to abuse. ii) material. iii) inside as outside. better to know and act accordingly. and inside behavior should not be outside. iii) in different proportions or equal proportions. is otherwise. ii) everything lightly. what is to be prevented. 75 . inside and outside: outside behavior should not be inside. Extremes have to be reduced and made less. 98 Mixture of: i) spiritual. ii) outside behavior. 99 Mixture of: i) inside behavior. iv) proper use. and outside as inside behavior. ii) middle. It can be misuse. to prevent.

Who Are You? Really!

100 Mixture of: i) private, personal, ii) public, iii) public item becomes private and private treated as public!
What is going to be public is not going to remain private. When to make personal public, better to know.

101 Mixture of: i) giving up, ii) holding.
Actually, the tendency to hold should not be developed. When to give up what should be clear, as should to be in readiness for it at the right time and place.

102 Mixture of: i) freedom to decide, ii) fear of decision. To be or not to be, to do or not to do.
Both are necessary and important, better to know the best use of the situation in a proper way.

103 Mixture of: i) to be responsible, ii) to give the responsibility and to allow others, iii) to give up the responsibility.
Either to be fully responsible or not at all means not ready to share the responsibility in a proper way, because of fear of losing!

104 To select, or to pick up, or to choose, or to pull out, the fitting to own material or things as a result. Disturbance either inside or outside.
During the time of discussion or talking with each other, the person plays the role of a listener and, at a certain point, interrupts the ongoing discussion or talk by becoming the speaker or communicator of own feelings. This happens because some points fitted perfectly to own lifestyle or habits!


Stuart Rose

105 To ‘take over’ from the half and to finish without starting!
Just wait and watch for the starting of any matter or activity and, once it is started, half way through to take possession and finish it, or complete it in own way. This means, one starts and the other finishes or completes.

106 To see ‘the post’ or ‘the chair’ and the person separately. As a result of this, able to give respect, honor, and acceptance to the person easily.
Some people are able to see this type of difference in one. This means that a person is not going to remain the same all the time, a person changes, and ‘the post’ or ‘the chair’ on which the person is sitting or is ‘having’ will remain all the time. In this way, the person gives respect, honour, and acceptance to own superior! And is able to maintain a good relation, a healthy relation, with boss or superior.

107 Not to see separately, but as one. The result of this is not being able to respect, honor, and accept.
Some people belong to this category, and, very often, mix up certain things or matters in the wrong way. As a result, they lose the chance to be a little wiser and to improve their own wrong behavior. So, naturally, they experience disturbance in and outside.

108 To give the gift, but for that someone else has to pay! Management play! To get the credit or point through making the other pay out of their own pocket!
To ask someone to buy something and then give that thing to a person to whom the name is suggested by the person who has

Who Are You? Really!

asked. That person has to purchase and pay for the thing, but the ‘giver of the gift’ is the person who asked for it to be bought.

109 Management of ‘expenses’! or expense management.
Today, in MBA or in similar careers, people manage the flow of income and expenses. Very few go further, the next step, that is the expense-flow to manage, in creating a ‘proper mixture’ of the expenses of others and of one’s own, of company or office, and of own or private.

110 Proper use of power, less to spend the money, more to use the material! Attitude to save more, but what? Don’t know.
Skill and efficiency in using power shows the expenditure of money is less, means saving is more, and utilization of material is more and more.

111 What is mine is mine, but what is yours is also mine, or we can share it!
Ready to share with others that which belongs to the other! Mine is not possible to share because it is given or provided by the other, so it is not possible to share!

112 To get it done, through giving any suitable reason or name, or cause.
Why is it done? Normally they ask, which is clever, but sometimes shrewd and cunning; gives the suitable and convincing answer through providing proper reason, or cause, etc.


79 . a place for review and deep thought over what has been said in these Pointers to a brighter lifestyle. and the first three chapters as a whole.Stuart Rose This is now a stopping Place. Moving on to the next chapter needs to be undertaken only when it is the right time.

we can look at the twentieth century as an example of period: in Britain. And again. such as moral ‘stiffness’ and hard labor – they were difficult times compared to the end of the century. about her. maturity. owned more than one television. Through both of these time-bound influences. with regard to changes in the physical age of the body. about this wallpaper). primarily. youth. change can be precipitated by any one or all events. a mobile phone. Something else can occur ‘internally’ regardless of what’s going on outside. the beginning was strongly influenced by Victorian and Edwardian characteristics. to the material side of life. they are unavoidable. These traditional lifestyle changes to a person’s age are both material and psychological. and the physical age of the body. what is it that triggers the thought that ‘I’m feeling this’ (‘this’ being any number of things: this friendship. jetted around the world at will. these have been of similar characteristics throughout history: childhood. but not exclusively. It is obvious to say that lifestyles during this. from ‘external’ time-bound factors. What all this tells us is that. many changes take place. would reflect huge changes. and any historical period. when mostly everyone took washing machines for granted. The change of a person manifests inside – the way a person lives their life – in a unique and special way. and morality had become more ‘flexible’. and the older (the so-called gray) generation. First. each period of these brings its own types of lifestyle. Second.Who Are You? Really! Chapter Four Time to change? A person’s lifestyle is naturally related to age: both the period in which they were born. or by none at all. We are 80 . middle age. this way of thinking about him. For example.

Some people. but the most satisfied person can change without losing the satisfaction. one purpose Decisions of others. don’t have these problems and difficulties to overcome. but a modification may be big or small. some people may not have the confidence to enact it.Stuart Rose all different from each other. We can see that this predicament depends on several factors. They just don’t know what to do. mixed group. Even after coming to know that change is needed and that its time has come. to observe. one group. which include: Own decisions and actions Fear of decisions Not our own decisions Decisions of others. a major upheaval. perhaps they are the lucky ones. and that there is a timing for change. which draw attention. but they are knowingly not ready for it and avoid it. what is best. Nothing in life is ever certain! The why’s and wherefore’s of change A complete change is a big step. or be too fearful to proceed. This makes it possible to distinguish and differentiate each thought and idea through special features which catch the ‘eye’. but have commonalities in that we live in the same way. It might be thought that dissatisfaction is the prime mover. may have no trust in themselves. mixed purpose 81 . which attracts us to look. to see. Many others live in ‘blissful’ ignorance of the necessity. while some realize change is due. but more than this we cannot say. Change does not seem to be particularly instigated or influenced by any thing or combination of things. What we can say is that change occurs in time. again and again. and we all continue to change. and yet others live like ostriches with their heads deeply buried in the sand of avoidance.

finally. And we can laugh at it. So. who see a lot of life. or changes and modifications to an existing one. improper. Why is this? Maybe it’s because some rate highly the lifestyle of particular others.Who Are You? Really! Proper. and when not. but they seem sincere and busy. For a better life in the future – which is the sole objective of changing one’s lifestyle – what is there to do? One of the first questions which needs to be asked. have different proportions of decisions that need to be taken. Why not? When do we show which side of ourselves to the outside? Automatically. to realize. and we think they might have some useful knowledge to give. and. of this we can be sure. (and which we have met in Chapter One). alternatively. Failure can be beneficial as it can make us realize what an idiot we might have been. wrong decisions. Is it more clever to be outside. The formation of a new lifestyle. right. Why do we feel the need to get help from the outside and not from within our very selves? Some people have not yet realized ‘when to do what’. is: How can I get to know about my own present lifestyle? And then: How can I bring about change – positive change – to it? I also need to know when to accept the help of others. It’s good to know. engaging themselves in one activity after another so as to be able to complete an ideal change or modification to their lifestyle. and these require the person to have sufficient knowledge and information available. they might not even be aware of what they are doing! Sometimes we try to do too much at once and get both success and failure at the same time. such as doctors. They might think of themselves as clever to be able to do this. what will be left inside? What is inside will eventually come to the outside in one form or another – it will manifest. How can I know all this? Very often people first turn to their doctor to advise them on changing their lifestyle. that the other side of cleverness exists in us. the side we choose not to show will be inside. what 82 . if so.

Many questions remain. a real-life story of ‘me’. but the most important question has been answered: that is. We can discuss until the cows come home whether this script is written as the story unfolds and that the different scenes in the script are of our own making – our own invention. A ‘mistake’ is not an error. to do with becoming much more happy. as the leading character in a play. If we can see life in this way. After listening to advice or drawing inspiration from all quarters about the change we want to make. but every time we do it. so to speak. We are convinced that changing is the right thing to do. which will help and contribute to its formation. why should I change my lifestyle? Once this question has been answered. how then to bring about this change inside? We are not planning a cosmetic change – we are not planning just to rearrange the same furniture in the same room.Stuart Rose does come to the outside? The most likely answer to this is that it’s our stupidity. Whose script is it? It’s a fact that each and every one of us. and many other points and pictures are available. which will come to the outside. but to create something much more valuable. Isn’t that so? And it gives us the opportunity to develop our cleverness inside. initiative. it’s the only way we can learn. to do with growing. Perhaps who writes the script is less important at this juncture than coming to a realization that a script of our life exists. We get another chance through making each mistake. the OK. creation. has a life script. it forms the solid foundation. not just once. to ‘fleshing out’ what needs to be done. all else can be built. Our decisions play a vital role in the formation of the new or modified lifestyle. our idiotic side. from the inside. without exception. production – or whether it is written prior to each scene’s performance by some higher source. 83 . On this.

Without time for ourselves we cannot proceed. or does this playing reveal new insights both about oneself. Fun can be had with the script by playing with the characters and scenes – not changing it out of all proportions – but by moving things around so that one can come to a much more realistic understanding of what actually happened: was it what one thought happened. A few sentences earlier. out of the limelight so to speak. the question of life scripts was raised. sound engineer. could throw a 84 . set-builder. and provide one with a clarity and objectivity with which these heartsearching questions can be approached. as we have described. and what is our relationship with ‘them’? Answering this question. than before. we can ask: who is the writer (producer. more importantly. more self-confident and sure. and this can be realized in different directions: for present activities. who is it. are all included in the word writer)? The question again is: do we each write our own scripts – develop all the plots and subplots – or does ‘someone’ else? If someone else writes our scripts. director. One problem! Again. and we already have no time in this dizzying world where we have so much equipment. but less! We just have to clear away some of the more nicebut-useless parts of our lives in order to make this special time available. we will be able to walk ahead in a much stronger position (role). and on and on. as can be imagined. This process can be seen as a purification. casting agency. technology. other players. but also to come to a deeper understanding of the past in terms of ‘how did I get to where I am’.Who Are You? Really! it will help us to be able also to stand at a little distance from the ‘star of the show’ and see her or him outside of the spotlight of the performance role. or events? With this ‘new’ or realized knowledge. designed to give us more time that. Continuing with the idea of a script. we find ourselves with not more. all this self-analysis will take time. we can easily accept the allied idea of being able to edit the script. and so forth.

anticipation. here the ego comes into play because if the challenge is met and we are successful. As we are seeing in many areas of our look at lifestyle. stretching of our capabilities. but first things first – life is a fluid progression of events (even though individual events may not be or feel so fluid in themselves) – and we need to accept that later we may well decide to change the direction of our lifestyle again. It can also involve greater humility. an opportunity for growth. towards greater happiness. not to blame. it involves risk in terms of fear of loss because some of what one already is must be discarded to make way for the new. ‘don’t do it. Again. ‘I have avoided the 85 . This means that the ego is on the defence. Yes. plays a most significant role. The objective of most change is towards betterment. we will return to it. as it is such a large question. and maybe this causes us to get stuck in the mud of indecision. then we can say.Stuart Rose mighty big spanner into the works of looking to change or modify the lifestyle. Not so. ‘don’t risk. ‘Play safe’ it usually cries out. Engaging with further discussion of it now is out of place at this point of our subject and. although change is unsettling. On one side. not sure what to do. That’s life! Risks and challenges … and timing All change is unsettling. perhaps greater riches of one sort or another. not possible to change. If it’s not me writing the script. then I’m not responsible for it. Whether we decide that we are simply a player in a much greater story or the writer of one’s own story. does not see or understand the benefits of making this or that change. otherwise this or that bad thing will happen’. On the other side. don’t lose what you have’. its outcome could radically change the lifestyle. the I-ness or my-ness. the ego. it is also a challenge. And a challenge such as this can involve excitement. so to speak. End of story. the show must go on. not willing to let go easily.

I am clever!’ There is a natural lead in from the question of accepting a risk or a challenge to the question of timing. older cars. must always perform at exactly the right time otherwise the play or song won’t make sense. and will not be applauded. or has one not looked before leaping. Has our action been ‘played’ too soon. in reality. meaningless to the risks or challenges themselves. 86 . for example. only the degrees of speed have changed which is. this middle way need not be middle of the road. or was the timing just right? Looking at the timing of risk or challenges. fast everything. been too slow off the mark. will be discordant. where all is always in balance. these in turn depend on many factors. There is a ‘middle way’. which is a considered way. there is also a middle way where a much more measured approach is taken towards any change which has been found is necessary to make – no rush. mostly) assured. we may not have to risk and face all the fear and anxiety and we may not need to extend ourselves. a balanced speed with which everything can be handled with composure. or the opposite. staid clothes. in order to make a worthwhile change to the lifestyle. out of date computers. The actor or singer. too spontaneously. has one ‘missed the boat’. which is boring. too early. and where the outcome is always (well. Yet this is not an ‘either or’ situation. but no sleeping either. Younger people live at a much faster speed than do the older – in the fast lane with fast cars. to be challenged. Nevertheless. the challenge always within our capabilities. half asleep to how one is. unadventurous. fuddy-duddy! It’s always been this way. The middle way entails a thoughtful approach to change (like the one described above). as opposed to the slow lane. And with regard to timing. is what was done too late. I have won the game.Who Are You? Really! risk and gained. stuck. a moderate way. a gentle way. The risk here is minimal and acceptable. fast food.

So where can it be found? We can take it that there isn’t enough of it. still a little risky. Now we must ask ourselves more questions to narrow down the area of our search in order to complete the list. boots. not making change a race. Having children can be a wonderful and joyful experience. Where is the goal We have said what the goal is. just as in what has to be completed before a long journey or a long walk.Stuart Rose one in which considered preparation is vital. That it has not yet been found means it cannot be found in the present lifestyle. It is happiness. The questions ‘where is it’ and ‘what is it’ are a little similar. Where the timing is set just right. Is it or could it be found in the relationship with a partner? No. but without losing sight of the actions which are desired to take. It’s never under our compete control. have been thought through thus making the passage to change as safe as possible yet still challenging. and they end in compromise: happiness can be there some of the time but is always dependent on ‘outside’ factors. where room is left for mistakes and correction. it may have been or is there in the beginning. but also neither a saunter. which we know will be enjoyed much more with the right equipment. but it isn’t like this all of the time: it can be exasper87 . It may be there some of the time but not all. The middle way is where all the anticipated obstacles and dangers. without fire or torpor. although it may partially be there. and so forth. otherwise one wouldn’t be reading this. Is it or could it be found in the relationship with one’s children? No. clothing. The middle way is equilibrium and equanimity. possible prizes and winning. there is always something missing. but the ‘gloss’ wears off in all relationships. the game one wants to play. or at least have some commonalities. where one has measured out what can realistically be achieved and added a bit more to stretch the achievement.

miserable. The nub of the whole matter revolves around each of us and our search for a ‘secret garden’. leaving an emptiness. all relationships can stay in place. as we described earlier. nor had children. there will be no real change. and where external influences – even life’s worse ‘gifts’ – will not touch us.Who Are You? Really! ating. What we are implying here is not that one needs to exclude all people in the change to a new lifestyle. but nevertheless are likely to have had meaningful relationships where there has been a search for happiness. Where in a life can one have total control? Cutting across many other examples of where in the life one has searched for – or built the framework for – happiness to occur. in fact. but probably also some relief. once it is established what the new lifestyle will be. It is so deep. on the contrary. wherein only we can have influence. will only be found within. as people each have their own ‘agenda’. This ‘place’. but one that has hidden depths. and very much more. therefore. The question is. The question to ask is a simple one. This summation has to be faced if there is to be any chance of finding full happiness. We are rarely in control. flatness. if it is so wished. Control is an important factor in both of these examples. otherwise changing the lifestyle will be just shifting the existing furniture around. a drudge. the answer must be where no other person is involved. that in asking it one can reach the very ultimate. wherein only we can tread. and then they leave home to find their own way in life. Some may never have ‘enjoyed’ a partnership with another person. too. Who am I? 88 .

The purpose in the remainder of this book is to establish that there is something more than the physical and mental to our 89 . close this book and turn to read something else. and go home!’ Well. The only reason to read on is because. we are looking towards the ‘best’ lifestyle direction that could possibly be taken. switch off. believing strongly and fully that this (the physical and mental) is all there is. there is no need read any further. it is the wrong reason: return to carry through the work stipulated from the beginning again. If this chapter is started out of idle curiosity. do so if it is wished. we’re going into some religious mumbo-jumbo. ‘Oh no. If we are perfectly happy with how things are. What is now to be talked about represents a marked change to how we have talked in the foregoing pages. because from here onwards. we have come to the conclusion that there is more to life than just the physical and mental body that has been described. both in style and content. but closing this book now with this thought would be out of ignorance. or give up. What is meant by ‘more to life than just the physical and mental’? There might be heard a groan from some readers who have ‘jumped the gun’ and immediately imagined something along the lines of.Stuart Rose Chapter Five Transition … and the Prize The start to moving into Chapter Five needs to be undertaken when ready. the reason for this will become apparent. and we are content with this. in the deliberation. The word ‘best’ is emotive. when we have come to know ourselves as fully as we think we can in the way outlined earlier. I’ve heard it all before. pack up.

‘happiness’ is a word everyone knows something about. it is the most desirable state. yet many people settle for less and become moderately happy (with its concomitant moderate unhappiness).Who Are You? Really! lives. the greatest ‘prize’ that life can bestow. the reason to change – the prize – is simply: greatest happiness. it is of no concern to what we will say here whether a belief in. as one way is just the same as another. if it is required. What we will say approaches undeniable truths without attacking or otherwise destroying any religious idea – it is not our intention to be in conflict. If in the end. that the greatest happiness exists and can be found. so it suits our purposes to use it here. but it is our intention to bring to life these truths in order that. ‘happiness’ may not be the most accurate word to use. and so it will be a natural transition to make a change. it means that the life which has been lived so far has been based on false premises. However. What is more. 90 . that everyone has experienced at least to some degree. it is found that the ideas which ‘rule one’s life’ prove to be unreal. why bother to upset it all. The reason that they settle for less is because although they might intuitively know. everything’s just OK as it is. any religious idea is held. Greatest happiness is a rarefied experience. Not so! The answer. also to establish that this something is not dependent on the existence of some particular religious idea or the other. a change or modification to the lifestyle can be made in whichever way it is seen fit. What better reason could there be to make change worthwhile? It’s very easy to say ‘greatest happiness’ and move on to the next words without working out what might be meant. or affiliation to. This is the sublime truth of life. they don’t know how to find it. There is a disadvantage straight away because ‘greatest happiness’ cannot be described in words and. indeed. or know in theory. To live a false life thinking it to be a really real one is the height of blindness or ignorance! We have said that many people find it is comfortable to live this way: no need to change anything.

liking and disliking. and suffering. is blindness and ignorance.Stuart Rose One way to approach trying to establish what cannot be established in words is to say what this happiness isn’t. This. and suffering. which 91 . sorrow. life does have its pleasures. a price to be paid. Yes. attachment. and it is available to all without exception. be overcome. All this rules out practically everything in our lives! What it doesn’t rule out is each one of us. growth. Not just once. it is not ‘pie in the sky’. Each and every time. to give room for happiness to flourish. what is owned deteriorates and is lost. In fact. again. that it has its ups and downs and we have to enjoy the ups and bear the weight of the downs. it is nothing new. Sages have been telling us for centuries. Iness. and our own experiences bear testimony to the fact. but in comparison. The greatest happiness cannot be found in a relationship with another person. Joy is what knowledge of this happiness brings. and then a new pleasure has to be sought. it is full of sorrow and suffering – birth. what has happened is that it has become obscured by living the life described in the previous chapters. It is known that there are five human afflictions – ignorance. but for always. Yes. Does this sound too good to be true? There has to be a catch somewhere. Some may say that this is an overstatement. it cannot be found by any form of imbibing through any sense organ. and death are painful. A taste of greatest happiness can already be savored simply by the thought of it! Greatest happiness is an end to misery. that human life is a misery. sorrow. but the universal characteristic of these pleasures is that they start and finish: with each pleasure there always comes loss and end. and fear of death and dying – out of which all our miseries come. there is a price to be paid. and all these must reduce and disappear. relationships always end – there is no end to the list. One thing can be definitely said: this happiness exists. that life isn’t all that bad. it is not a high price: it is giving up the acceptance we always make of misery.

it cannot be stopped. There is one truth which is all-encompassing. If the greatest happiness can only be experienced by me. but one thing has to be said here concerning the notion of selfishness. has not been described in a way that can be clearly understood. which itself is beautifully simple yet. is not so easy to fully understand because of its simplicity. but sometimes the obvious passes us by. spread to others. as we have said. 92 . no-one else can get much more than an inkling of what my life is. all else emerges. in any case. From this one truth. not an unknown truth. If ‘I’ have it. It is our intention to portray this truth in such a clear and understandable way that deployment of it into our lives will be straightforward and natural. More will be said about this happiness as we proceed – it is the sole objective. whom I want to share the experience with? And how can I be this happy while others aren’t? We have mentioned the fact that it is only me who can live my life. what about those that are dear to me.Who Are You? Really! means that the greatest happiness – the sublime truth – can only be found within the individual. what’s the point of living it? This also means that greatest happiness implies living life to the full. it’s automatic. where is it and how do I reach it and enjoy it? The answer to this will be talked about in the following pages. in fact not just full but to the fullest of full – then a wonderful life is possible to be had. Sometimes this truth has mystified. This means that the idea of selfishness in this context is unfounded – if I can’t live my life to the full. nothing else will do. and neither me theirs. The truth we will talk about is not a new truth. This might seem an obvious thing to say. the sole prize. not a secret truth. Adoption of this truth into our lives will have no less than a transforming effect. remaining unnoticed. And a ‘bonus’ is that this happiness will.

waves of thoughts. Some trees are uprooted because of this force. go home. This is essential preparation for what is to come. What are these lots of things? That’s the point. pack up. and in previous chapters we have identified the mind with its four basic parts: senses. The answer will usually be ‘lots of things’. Is the tree ever still? The gentlest breeze rustles its leaves. Just watching a tree will demonstrate what is meant. as will become clear. memory. there are lots of goings on. The analogy of the tree is just one example. but in fact isn’t. If we consider other examples. while stronger wind makes it bend. but on certain very still days the sea’s 93 . and I-ness. and it involves a further look into ‘Who I am’.Stuart Rose Chapter Six We are tantalizingly close. ‘I’m sick of this navel gazing and want to get to the nub of the matter as soon as it is possible’. waves of wind flow. and this is what we’ll look at. intellect. It might be said that we have done all the ‘looking’ as far as it can be done. but there has to be a pause once more. we will discover the same phenomenon. sometimes almost to breaking point before it might swing back. To do what? To move onto the next life event without significant and lasting impact being made here? What a waste of time! Again. What we want to do is look directly at what is going on in the mind right now. It’s no wonder that few people make it to the prize. By now we have found our life to be much more multi-faceted (complex. The sea nearly always has waves. one might say. In fact. even complicated and confused perhaps) than we ever thought – is there no end to the depths of me that can be found? To go some way to answering this question we must move in what may appear to be a sideways shift. stay there. switch on the television. but the activities rise and fall just like waves – waves of water. In all minds everywhere. They’re all active.

Even in the inanimate such as a car. lights. washing machine. liking and disliking. radio. but life (waves) continues. Waves of motion and commotion occur ceaselessly throughout the gross world. all at different speeds. what’s involved. Does this mean that there is an interconnectivity between all waves no matter what type. and so forth – all different forms of movement. The sea is always moving with currents. ‘Is there a difference’? Are all the waves simply different manifestations (forms and varieties) of the same energy? Another analogy may help to provide a way to find an answer. seemingly being born and dying but. Or is this the case? We can ask. that they are all manifestations of one energy of which there are variable ebbs and flows. our most still. refrigerator. In the kitchen there are many appliances – food mixer. seeing. And what occurs in the subtle world. or idle. Perhaps only in the dead of night in deep. they all have one thing in common: nothing is still for long in life. and the rest. eddies and so forth. Movement. ‘What is the difference in the varieties of movement’? In response another question surfaces. hunger. we breathe – there may be no thoughts.Who Are You? Really! surface is like a mirror. or a finger. cross-currents. the engine will accelerate. Waves of sensations such as heat and cold. nevertheless and paradoxically. hearing. What needs to occur. Everything comes in waves in our lives. desires. but they are all powered by one energy: electricity (which also comes in waves). Not a ripple disturbs it (just like at the still of night when there is no breeze and the tree is silent). but it’s plain to see that wind is an influence. Whether it’s a tree moving. a car. to create a wave in the sea? We’re no oceanographers. decelerate. with waves to match in size from a gentle swell to a tsunami. dreamless sleep are we at our quietest. our minds? It’s the same. so what creates wind? The 94 . anger. Incessantly. pain. Emotions such as love. in the world. toaster. a thought. but the heart continues beating. never ending? Am ‘I’ like this? Let’s look a little closer.

Can there be two distinct waves of energy involved or just one? Is the mind distinct from the physical? The answer seems to be both yes and no: yes because there is a tangible difference between the mind and the physical. which means that we can presume energy exists always in space. plays a big part in wave ‘production’. All this means that the sea’s waves are created by an energy which is not bound to Planet Earth. muscles are a part of the body. do we have to go that far back? The answer is yes. Second. energy cannot be explained further. Gravitational pull by the moon. Energy cannot exist nowhere (such a ‘place’ cannot exist) as it needs particles to manifest itself. Can energy be explained further? We can look into the ins and outs of various energies ad infinitum. that it is throughout space. although individually they do begin and end (just as the waves in the sea rise and fall). too. and no physical evidence to show otherwise. by the meeting of a spermatozoa and egg in the mother’s womb. so space enables energy to be throughout the universe. too. at least not 95 . made. but this is unlikely to tell anything new about energy itself.Stuart Rose answer is mostly heating and cooling by the sun. and further back through the generations to where we come to understand clearly that these waves have no beginning or end. to ‘play’ with. and no because one doesn’t operate successfully (or at all) without the other. Hold a finger over a lighted candle and the thought will very soon arise to withdraw the hand fast! There are countless examples. Golly. what about waves of thoughts? Our experience tells us clearly that there is an intimate connection between thoughts and physical activity. The answer to the question seems to be no. And because in space is the entire universe. and there’s no reason not to suppose. which is a complex machine. that the same phenomenon pervades the entire Universe. But how can this relate to the waves of energy which seem to drive this body – its muscles and thoughts? First. originally.

To answer this. which of course is saying that gross forms of energy. it is the objective of Yoga). and it is certain that ‘I’ cannot be the first three. Whether measurable brain activity. Now we have seen more about the nature of energy. we are looking for an answer to the question: Who am I? Is there an answer to this question? To proceed. We can ask: are they two or one. and that the Universe will always involve movement of one sort or another. such as for someone in a coma. Is this the same with subtle forms? The answer to this is to question whether it is possible to stop the waves of thoughts which constantly flow in and through the mind. thereby preventing their normal multiplication. In the move to a new lifestyle. We have identified the mind is comprised of four ‘parts’. and introduced a possible link with consciousness. we must put aside thoughts of physical movement for the time being because it’s plain to see that the world is unlikely ever to stop rotating (or tilting) as it does in three directions all the time. The source or origin or driving force of energy may well be found in our normal everyday experience because there seems to be a strong link between energy and what we call consciousness. Ancient wisdom tells us that it is possible (for example. not becoming attached to them. we can consider this more. Rather. we know much more about energy than consciousness (at least we think we do!). that which enlivens our thoughts. will never cease. but this state. if achieved. and memory.Who Are You? Really! in communicable words. intellect. the senses. We know through our experience that both energy and consciousness exist. we need to look at what is being asked clearly. No response was given at that time. are thoughts or not cannot be definitely assumed. may only be temporary. where they exist. one of many dual events or two aspects of a single event? A question was asked earlier in this chapter whether anything was still for long in life. 96 . but such evidence as there is about normal brain activity tells us that thoughts are unlikely to be completely stopped for any long periods of time. sages tell us of not noticing thoughts.

yet ever-so self-important. ‘I’ is actually doing something. it must be the imperial ‘I’ that is doing the asking. not my energy. this ‘I’ cannot be and do what it thinks it does. full of I-ness! What to do? This ‘I’ is a flibbertigibbet. but it’s pure fiction – captivatingly so. the lack of substance. yet seemingly important. if anywhere. because if an answer is sought. It is the ‘I’ which must ask the question and seek liberation from the ego. and the ego assumes ownership of it just the same as an invading force takes control of a country: finders keepers. I did all this. two options: first something can be done about it. left where we started out. To do nothing is to start to accept that the ‘I’ is no longer what one thought it was. illusion – it actually has no reality – and we are deluded by it into thinking I am something substantial. something special. in reality. an inconsequential. Energy is just energy. It is the fourth part. Is the solution to do nothing? Getting closer. our doership. Now. it feels so real. where and who is this I? Is there an answer? Already this is the wrong approach. The ‘I’ must let go. So again we must ask the question: What. It is energy which provides the impetus for all our activities. if successful. Oddly this decision is not an easy one to make. where the solution must lie. it’s not a personal energy. We get carried away by the story. What are the alternatives? There has to be a way forward in which the life is not dominated by this pervasive ‘I’. that the ‘I’ would have to let go of the ‘I’. Am I really? And what has this to do with the energy we have been talking about. Yet we are left with the ‘I’ intact. which isn’t me 97 . I am the boss. the ego. And if this is the case. ever-so busy. or second we can accept the illusion.Stuart Rose These are simply tools. it’s just energy. I-ness. But of what? Of itself? This would mean. there must be something else that is me. What we have established so far is that. for the thought that this inconsequential. I am the doer. It is not this apparently powerful personality. it provides the ‘wave-power’ for such thoughts. as real and stay in ignorance.

for the moment. the world and Universe exist. We are looking for the prize. At least I think this is the case. so to speak! Because ‘I’ (for want of another word) am not nothing: this entity of body and mind exists.Who Are You? Really! (isn’t this personality). 98 . We have seen as much of what we thought was me as we can.

I have only one body and only one mind. There is nothing but One. When I think about myself. All is part of One. A simple little word. but it is one with a depth which is not completely fathomable. it is beyond any such notions. not fully happy. What is so special about One? The answer is that everything in the Universe is in One. So. Truth is sometimes hard to swallow. living an unstable lifestyle. We have said that it is a simple truth. When I empty away my thoughts as much as I can and 99 . Can we live our lives not knowing the truth of who we really are? Most people do. In this chapter we describe this truth.Chapter Seven Truth Finding the truth about ourselves must be the most important activity in our lives: without truth there is only untruth. living with incomplete knowledge about themselves. although the way my thoughts are may make it sometimes seem as if it is more than one! Each person is exactly the same. it can be a great release from the bondage of ignorance. an ending of the anxiety of not knowing and. and this is because they find the truth unpalatable and prefer to remain in ignorance. This One is not God. but One has no parts. in this case. and the reason why will become apparent as we proceed. but what we will talk about is no bitter pill. I am not more than one. The Universe itself is in One. On the contrary. and what has the prize we have spoken about to do with it? We must unravel this puzzle. One ONE. what is this One. I think of just one person. a revelation about ‘who I am’.

We found this in the previous chapter. and ‘I am conscious of the fact that I am’. every person is exactly the same. we can say that all things have differences (for example. the same energy. It is apparent. Now. I am left with the experience of two characteristics that comprise the ‘root’ of me. cannot ever be two separate characteristics. as: ‘I cannot know anything which doesn’t have existence’. it is not of any particular shape. are One together. One simply is. Everything has existence.Who Are You? Really! become very quiet. this can also be voiced the other way around to again make it as clear as possible. the essential me: the first is that I exist. but are necessarily two characteristics of the same thing: One. shape. This One has no name. or that there are some places or things which do not exist. Now. its non-existence has to exist in the first place! Existence is a single quality as it is plain to see and experience: we all have it otherwise we wouldn’t exist! To put this in another way and to go one step further. We can look a little more deeply at this apparent conundrum regarding One. in size. When I think further about these two characteristics. no direct thoughts can be had about it. and the second is that I am aware that I exist. What are the ramifications of this two-in-one situation? 100 . it is nonsensical to say that existence doesn’t exist. yet they also have one thing in common: the fact that they all exist. Everywhere has existence. Even for something not to exist. the experience is: ‘I am’. which has to mean that all things which exist have the same consciousness. In the first place. We have also said that existence and consciousness. Again. or colour). or energy. This conclusion can be voiced sensibly as: ‘I cannot exist unless I know that I do’. using different words to say the same thing to make this as clear as possible. and there are no words that we can use to describe it (which means that its indescribability can only be talked about indirectly): it is ineffable. therefore. that these two findings (we can also call them ‘being’ and ‘awareness’). I find that I am left with the conclusion that these two are not separate.

physical. Can one describe the taste of a mango in words? No. consciousness is of different variations on the one theme.Stuart Rose Taking our analysis another step further. there cannot be existence without existence. Is this far-fetched. and visible things either. This includes the kitchen table. actual or potential. and whatever else might be beyond the far reaches of space. without a break. Existence and consciousness are just words. To know existence and consciousness. some sort of science fiction? How can the kitchen table have consciousness like me? The answer is that we may have imagined all consciousness is the same as human consciousness. as me. So far. or that only humans have consciousness. manifest or unmanifest – because. and so we should be able to get to understand it completely. All through Nature. this means my thoughts (and dreams. as completely and in the same way as we know the taste of the mango. they have to be experienced. too) must have existence and consciousness/energy like everything else. which is either enlivened or latent – in other words. the planets and stars. but there is a final third characteristic which we mentioned earlier as the prize which can be brought into the lifestyle. and existence always exists with consciousness/energy. microbes) have the same existence and consciousness/energy as people. we have talked about two characteristics of the One. and all variations. to 101 . and this experience ‘happens’ to us all of the time. Mount Everest. have the same characteristic. as we have said. Taking a third step. this must also mean that all insentient things have the same existence and consciousness/energy as well. so to speak. but this is not the case. And we’re not just talking of the material. it means that all sentient beings (animals. fish. at base. Principally. and words cannot convey the true experience of what something is actually like. It is our normality.

Bliss is the ‘prize’ of life. And because there is no disturbance (no thoughts). What needs to occur is a totally new way of approaching how we live our lives. a totally new lifestyle! This new lifestyle is not unachievable. the current lifestyle. on the other. with the other person in a relationship). not beyond what we can do – it is already in our grasp.Who Are You? Really! make it complete. In fact. there is the experience of complete and ‘oceanic’ happiness. people have different ideas of what One is. Yet to ‘experience’ it does not mean that all of the rest of our lives need be forsaken – husbands. wives. already there for the taking. It exists fully all of the time but can get completely ‘obscured’ by all of life’s zillions of distractions. and so follow different ‘paths’. There is nothing better. because there is no object in the happiness (which is usually the case as. This third ‘part’ is total and absolute – greatest – happiness. as we described in an earlier chapter. and all people spend all of their lives in their attempt. only the experience of existence and consciousness remains. Realizing One Whether we know it or not. the path is ‘soaked’ in earthly pleasures. Of course. children. which is a wholly subjective ‘experience’. possessions. yet all such paths tread in a single direction. we can experience nothing other than the taste of the mango. it is the utmost happiness that life can bring. On the one extreme. by putting all daily events and other distractions to one side. and all the rest that is decided to keep can stay. for example. this happiness is frequently referred to as bliss. it is everybody’s ambition and dream to realize One. if we have a little courage and self-determination. the path is one of total renunciation of the 102 . when we concentrate. and therefore no sorrow or misery. no afflictions. and this is in just the same way that. Bliss is the experience of unalloyed existence and consciousness/energy. ever. How does this come about? By putting worldly thoughts in abeyance.

The ‘reward’ for these people is mundane happiness. but we become so ‘lost’. but it is not this at all. that we cannot see the wood for the trees. unless it is desired to be so. Many – and probably most – people who reach fulfilment following a path of total renunciation remain unknown.Stuart Rose earthly pleasures. but there are notable exceptions of people ‘rescued’ from their happy obscurity. in all places. History is sprinkled with them. and don’t realize greatest 103 . so distracted by life’s bright lights. It is not possible to estimate how many people reach fulfilment of their ambition. This is simply because we can ask how it is possible to realize something – and by realize we also mean obtain something that one does not yet have – when we already have it. One (existence. Something else is entailed. standing apart from our society will not guarantee that our ambition is realized and the prize won. These people stand as icons to the truth of greatest happiness. but the single direction all follow (mostly somewhere in the middle between the two extremes) is towards that of greatest happiness. but we can see that on the path soaked wholly in earthly pleasures (together with their inescapable miseries) achievement of greatest happiness is impossible to get. Logic has it that there is no such thing as realization. or are satisfied with something they know to be second best. Renunciation is a very ‘loaded’ word echoing of ‘sackcloth and ashes’ and a hard life. so to speak. and bliss) is present at all times. or so stuck in our present lifestyle. vanishing in the obscurity of ‘enjoying’ their greatest happiness. consciousness. and in all people. and the word ‘realization’ is used here to incorporate all ideas (religious or otherwise) regarding the highest state to be gained in life. and many are satisfied with this as they either mistake the mundane for greatest happiness. Nothing has to be given up to experience greatest happiness. There are as many paths and means to this prize as there are people.

but in fact there is likely to be no race to run. the way to One is the quietening of the mind. in the relative. as we will see below and in the following chapter. every individual person is relative to another person. And yet this dissolution has been demonstrated to come about without effort! What we can say is that to achieve greatest happiness. not Two One is One. if. One. there is nothing other than One. Each person must find their own way. is less than One. but neither do we want to imply that it is too difficult. There cannot be any other than One because. they could not be absolutely One. We usually do find our way home because the desire to reach the safety and comfort of it is very strong. then is the time we will know what there is to be done. Relative is how we know the world to be: each individual aspect is relative to another. there are countless variations. every lifestyle without exception is relative to another – in One there is 104 . not two or many. and this wholeheartedness has to be fully comprehensive. for example. just as if one is lost and needs to find the way home. which entails bringing an end to the power and influence of I-ness. It is a matter of getting to the ‘starting blocks’ as if in a race. less than One is relative.Who Are You? Really! happiness is so readily available. One is absolute. It is not our intention here to create some sort of self-help manual which can be followed. there would be room for a ‘better’ than two. It is not our intention here to give the impression that greatest happiness is easy to experience. When our sights are so set. if anything. Anything other than One. which can only be One. Absolute is as the word describes. there were two. As we have said. and this has been described as the most difficult of all human tasks. our sights need to be set on it wholeheartedly. Something similar is required in working our way towards One. We have said that each means to clear away the ‘rubble’ obscuring One is different. However. This might sound enigmatic.

unchanging. dying. From these. and we have already looked at the fact that ‘I’ am not this body of blood and sinews which goes rotten soon enough and is the home of maggots. that if I am dependent on someone or something else. not always existing. and nothing is born. In One. there can be no such thing as bondage – nor freedom. all suffering. always existing. it is not confusing to say that there can be One if there are two. and are what our lives and lifestyles primarily comprise in various forms. If there are two. It is the ‘I’ which has this thought. incomplete happiness. One always is. holding to more than One will bring only relative happiness. where is the pain of it all? Who is this ‘I’? It is clear to see that ‘holding’ to One will bring greatest happiness. Desire for One is the only desire which will lead to greatest happiness. for example. it means that each part of the two is dependent on the other. Desire All desires bar one lead to bondage and misery. cannot waver. two is not certain.’ No! Only the body is born and only the body will die. and without the I-thought. two come and go. One always is. aversion. nothing dies. and fear of death and dying. this can mean. One exists outside of time where there is no pain of birth.Stuart Rose no individuality. evaluatively. nor 105 . then I am not free. two always change. One never changes. This means. Greatest happiness cannot change. that One is better than two: it is completely certain. all miseries. no place for ‘I’. In life. but bound and restricted to that other and also subject to the five afflictions we have mentioned of ignorance. Although it might sound it. and death. In One. and I will die. ‘But I was born. attachment. Iness. It is only in two where change happens. emanate ceaselessly. but there cannot be two if there is One.

consciousness. so those of time and place are inappropriate. second. One is ‘here’. Emotively. ‘why’.Who Are You? Really! afflictions – as One contains nothing but itself. ‘how’ and the rest) because our minds cannot usually contemplate such brevity! The first words which are used. when ‘I’ get what I want and am satisfied. Such sentiment prevents change and growth. it is not long before the satisfaction wears thin and the ‘I want’ starts its familiar song again. However. and the lifestyle stagnates. is aware that it exists. but it is precisely this type of sentiment which is binding. One Is This is the only complete and comprehensive statement which can be made about One. but it can become obscured by two. no activity. and bliss. This can be said as. no ‘colour’. We might try to add two more words. that it is ‘now’. to relativity and misery. Yet. ‘I want’. Some people might object and say something along the lines of. the characteristics of existence. we have discussed: the characteristics of One are that it exists. First. has no excitement. Over and over. no fun. fuelled by desire. And then the ‘talking’ begins (usually with words like ‘but’. of ‘I want’. Desire is the driving force of individuality. in fact it has nothing worth having. Two is better than One!’ This is maybe how a person can feel about One. One entertains no concepts. It says all that there is to say. no variety. which pins us with a very pervasive and sticky ‘glue’ to the world. One is always everywhere. which fluctuates between its many varieties. ‘It sounds to me that this ‘One’ is not very appealing at all: it’s dull. no passion. One always exists. ‘I want’. we can say that desire is the ‘death’ of One. A description of the experience of One has been given as that 106 . and it is bliss. nothing is left out.

and brought about by replacing the normal time-bound. This is because only One can ‘experience’ One as One. seemingly a paradox. so deep and intense that it might be called ‘solid’ silence and. This silence is absolute silence. busy. Another description of the experience of One is of silence. dreamless sleep (which we ‘enjoy’ every night). but there is another silence. but while we are awake. it contains all sounds and relative silences. It is One.Stuart Rose it is similar to deep. therefore relative to the gap. this silence being the gap between two sounds. there is the silence as in sound and silence. 107 . distracting waking experience. First. We said earlier that it is not ‘normally’ possible to experience the whole of One.

without exception. It is this statement which opens the floodgates. of One. The prize of greatest happiness is no less. yet the vast majority of us opt for two rather than One.Who Are You? Really! Chapter Eight Two In a previous section. One sounds a lot more worth having than two. But. cars) which are all relative to something. Does this make any sense? In two. the characteristic of two is that. thoughts. And whereas the characteristic of One is unchanging permanence. a tangled web from which escape seems impossible. the simplicity of One has been replaced by complex systems which are held together by ignorance or incomplete knowledge of the whole truth. and it is in duality that ‘glimpses’ or longer ‘contact’ of One can occur when. the varieties of two become less obscuring. If One is always everywhere. carrots. we have said that One is two. not least that they all have dependence. qualitatively. the experience of two (duality or incompleteness) is common to all. We have also said that the complete. there is no part of two where there is no thing: two is completely comprised of things (people. where we are. as we have seen. everything is changing impermanence. then it must also permeate every aspect of two – the absolute must permeate the relative. but two is not One. it cannot change. ‘access’ to One is always through two. which lets the whole world in: One is two. Nevertheless. unalloyed ‘experience’ of One (non-duality) might be rare. through ‘seeing’. it is not! 108 . but not vice versa. but its greatness is diffused. Does this ring any bells? Hence. However. In two is everything. These systems appear selfperpetuating. an endlessness of confusion and untruths.

Greatest happiness is unlimited. One is wholly subject and independent. to extricate ourselves from this tangled web of relative existence. What a wonder! 109 . it is completely impervious to any influence or changeability such as the dichotomy between the subject and its object. as we have explained. For example. there is peace and calm. I see you. on the contrary. Again we say. It can now be seen just what we meant when we said earlier that the beautiful simplicity of One is apparently destroyed by the complexity of two. without exception. which means that one never finds its end (otherwise it would be limited happiness). can there be any question as to what is the ideal life? It’s just getting to that desired point which appears so difficult. and it also means that when we are completely happy we can know that there is even still more to come. it is beyond the duality of subject and object because. I feel pain. In simplicity. This is a further reason for the lifestyle to be changed or re-directed to One. a continual increase of happiness. this (seeming) diabolical I-ness. They also tell us that the approach to it is not to be rushed. progress is little by little. In multiplicity. simply knowing or awareness – this is One. in this scenario both subject and object disappear as the interaction is complete (the tomato is now known) and what is left is the third aspect. once I know the object (the known). I have a lollipop – the whole world is the duality between me (I-ness) and something other than me. To be completely correct. One is not just subject. Sages appear unanimous that this way is the best and only way to live. which means continual improvement. there is chaos and storm. whereas two is dependent on the relationship of the subject and its object. This can be explained through a tripartite (threeness): I know (the subject) this tomato (the object).Stuart Rose Another way of describing the difference between One and two is in the difference between subject and object. me and mine.

which is not our intention. and more happiness deep ‘inside’ – this is certain. we will begin to experience a newness. beautifully simple. However. This is not an idle hope. completely full. a brightness. from the absolute position. 110 . which evaporates in its wake like the morning mist. from two-ness where it ties us in such a tangle.Who Are You? Really! We have said that the I-ness ‘seems’ to be diabolical. By using this kind of language we are in ‘danger’ of ending up in poetry. which seems totally impossible to untangle. there is no life tangle – life is uncluttered. the pure ‘I’ (the ‘I’ without individuality). but a knowledge based on experience. it demonstrates the impossibility of words to describe One. it is when viewed from the relative position. far outshining relative happiness. Quite soon in the adoption of a new lifestyle in the direction away from two and towards One. leaving complete clarity. Yes. joyous.

we hadn’t thought of ourselves as miserable. there will be a conclusion of yes. there is change and the concomitant misery. by each of us. After studying ourselves in the way proposed. attainable here and now. It was said that this acceptance is detrimental to one’s life because it holds us back from something much better in all respects: life’s supreme ‘prize’ of greatest happiness. after describing what we meant when we used the word ‘lifestyle’. Mostly. Then the fact of One was introduced. so to speak. accepting life’s sufferings. Some depth as to what this is. One has the characteristics of existence. A chapter entitled ‘transition’ formed the bridge between a miserable person and a potentially happier person. no. or maybe regarding change. or even revise them. in an attempt to reduce their importance and the feelings we have about them. Many ‘pointers’ to lifestyle development and growth were then given. In the second chapter. and the risks and challenges involved. we then looked at getting to fully know ourselves so that we might see whether some change was due or not. Happiness doesn’t change if it is permanent. pushing them under the carpet. and perhaps it will also contain an inkling of how much is needed. of course. A discussion about when to change and how. and these were designed to ‘stretch’ the thinking in the light of earlier conclusions. but if impermanent. concluded thinking about each of us as we are. Permanence is a succinct way to describe One. this is a strong word to use to describe the human situation: perhaps moderately happy is how we felt. 111 . we introduced the idea that change or modification is possible. we have seen.Stuart Rose Chapter Nine Vision In the first chapter.

it did not mean that One was something new to be gained. or choose to aim indirectly for a part of the prize. It is whichever lifestyle we choose to live. We can choose to ‘go for it’ aiming directly at the prize. but many. and this is the one each will tread. What is important is to know that ‘tried and tested’ guides and guidelines based on the knowledge of One exist and can be used to move forward. it was also stated that although this was the case. One is not pie in the sky. and bliss. even though rationally whatever is being felt 112 . It is our greatest happiness that is being worked towards. from where we are. Each of us has an insightful capability to find the way to the source of happiness – if we wish to use it and listen to what it says – and this is through intuition: the certain knowledge that something is right. Nevertheless. there is just one path. The most important person in all of this is each one of us. Or rather. because two is in One. One is greatest happiness. The choice is wholly that of each person: how much happiness there is in our lives is entirely up to us. or we can choose a much lesser prize. We have implied that there are as many variations for working towards a happier life as there are people. these are simply inadequate words used to say that One does not have the opposite characteristics. There is also a plethora of guidance which can be used to help walk the path. such as non-existence and suffering. that permanence has to be approached through impermanence. It’s our path. and then discarded when their job is done.Who Are You? Really! awareness. It doesn’t matter so much which is chosen. it was stated that One could not be approached from anything but a dual position (two). so to speak. This isn’t a book which will now give a specific way that needs to be followed to reach the prize. or even no prize at all. The work to be done to get greater and greater experience of permanent happiness is wholly achieved by shifting the balance in our life from two to One. There isn’t one. To be realistic. no-one else’s.

we will never leave the mundane because the absolute – the permanence – is the ‘heart’ of the mundane! There is not necessarily any need to leave a partner. and to live away from the world.Stuart Rose might sound crazy or off-track. what it is and what it is not. What has been shown is that this happiness will not be found in the mundane world but. what it can and cannot provide. So. what is being proposed is not a particular path to be followed. but that a change to one’s lifestyle in the direction which has been pointed to will bring increasing and unlimited happiness. paradoxically. 113 . to forego many of life’s pleasures. what is needed is a new vision: a new understanding about the truth of life.

greatest happiness is unblemished. or is it perfect happiness. then there will be a conflict: the conflict which. goes to work. has to die to ‘experience’ perfect happiness in its plenitude. it would be available without any problems. As might be guessed. total happiness. Oddly this may not be the case. Then who is it that wakes up every morning.Who Are You? Really! Chapter 10 Health Warning In and through all the aforesaid. And it is this temporality of the ‘I’ which is the problem. So how come we are saying that there appears to be ‘cracks’ in the perfection? The answer is because there still can remain – there is likely to remain – a duality. If it were blemished in any respect it would not be perfect. or is it both? How can this situation find some balance. Perfect happiness exists always. at base. it’s not difficult to experience the absolute joy that there is in this perfection because it is natural. and this is the nub of the matter. one might think that in finding greatest happiness. this duality is between the perfection and the I-ness. It is clear to see and. the ‘I’ exists temporarily. or it appears to. gets washed. which 114 . once seen. just for this life. can be summed up by the question. Is this strange? Is it de-motivating? We need to look at this occurrence in greater depth to find out. It’s as simple as that. Certainly. the me-ness. and so forth? Is it me. Over the centuries. Yet there is no need or necessity for me to die a physical death to experience perfect happiness. the me-ness. or is this the wrong question? It stands to reason that if the ‘I’ still has its old sense of separateness. who’s in charge. wise folk have told us that the ‘I’.

it can make us inexplicably ill with all sorts of illogical ailments. and so forth. causing untold stresses on the body. And not change the lifestyle. stand aside. From the moment of birth. this ‘I’ existed. then it can never be resolved because the two in their full form cannot coexist. That’s our health warning! Whose ‘I’ is it? Is this ‘I’ that I have mine? How can it be so? It existed before thoughts started. and be comfortable. One has to (appear to) give way. before language – which is what all thoughts predominantly are – was learned. so to speak? If there is this type of conflict. to create 115 . So what can happen? It is that the ‘I’ does not give up so easily. Illogical as it may seem. as we have described. in the womb. lust. Where did it start? The answer is that it always exists. or have the ‘greater’ or more vociferous voice superimposed on it. so to speak) that we can feel defeated by the weight of the box of tricks the ‘I’ has. frustrations. the universal ‘I’ to use for our own benefit. Perfect happiness simply ‘smiles’. it can make us sad or depressed by causing unhappy events through generating anger. before that. because it is everywhere at all times and beyond space and time. not a competitor. Lost in the dross of living. It doesn’t have to get up in the morning. Sure. we can so easily give up perfect happiness and accept the ‘I’ as supreme. it is not a fighter. And be fooled. too. because the truth that we have described in earlier chapters is that the Truth is completely unassailable. and be foolish. greed. And carry on with the old way of thinking that it is me who gets up in the morning and lives each day.Stuart Rose of the two calls the shots. even ‘stolen’. but only temporarily. and we have adopted. in the fetes. It has no concerns. or chemical imbalances within the body – there is no end to this list! And it is because of these events (which can appear without apparent reason and ‘hit’ us below the belt. It has a box full of tricks: it can make us as happy as perfect happiness.

more at peace with ourselves. happinesses and sadnesses. so the deepness of this experience grows. is that we just get happier. ‘I’ is survival (although not of what we call ‘me’). this lie. without the ‘I’. Not simply a passing happiness.Who Are You? Really! an apparent uniqueness. We hope it does. but a deep immeasurable one. unending happiness. and with this clear knowledge and understanding automatically comes the loss of all fear. What happens. then we are lost. And with the input each of us makes. the universal Self. as we have said. of this there can be no question. changing the old way of thinking. No-one can do it for us. and that we can ‘lose’ our individuality. and how we can monitor progress. And this me lives right through its life with this delusion. We need to know that all fear is based on the error of thinking that we are separate individuals. How can the universal ‘I’. Earlier it was said that this book does not offer a particular path to follow. at the end. there still will be trials and tribulations. It is incontrovertible wisdom. be courageous. then who am I? If this cannot be answered correctly. Fear is the prime cause because. be lost? It isn’t possible. but all this happens in a different light. But what has been said may start us off in a whole new direction leading to perfect happiness. Yes. How to carry on Nobody’s perfect. Face the facts. and starting to live in reality. We carry on by changing the old lifestyle. which is called ‘me’. not in fanciful dreams. It’s an impossible state while we have this separateness. We die without experiencing real happiness. Each person has to find their own self. 116 . good health and bad. We become more peaceful. we stick to the same lifestyle and. And. this doesn’t happen overnight. die ‘happily’.

co. The address we know. sr.uk 117 .kaivalya@yahoo. if not redress. Address in heaven.Stuart Rose Contact the inner Self and attain guidance from it.

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