Who Are You? Really!

a travel-guide to life

Who Are You? Really!
a travel-guide to life

Compiled and Edited by Stuart Rose

Winchester, UK Washington, USA

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CONTENTS Introduction Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Contact 1 3 12 35 80 89 93 99 108 111 114 117 .

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the listening to what we ourselves are truly saying and feeling. This is a cautiously written introductory sentence. and reducing or ending life’s miseries which we know all too well exist in most people. We are not professionally trained in any particular discipline. It is unlikely anyone would be reading this work unless there is the belief that some action needs to be taken in this direction. we hope it is instrumental in helping. Much more than this. but it will probably be surprising and may result in some changes to our lives. the destination of which is not meant to be a mystery. This thinking reaches very much further into areas or regions of life and being than any single discipline could. We hope that this little book is enjoyed. 1 . but the whole purpose of writing this book is for greater well-being and happiness. to meet the intended outcome of the endeavor. The original impetus for the book was talks and guidance a learned Indian Swami gave at different times and places. we build bridges.Introduction Who are You? takes us on a journey. In fact. Who are You? has a planned sequence of chapters. It is each one of us who has to do the work. the idea of disciplines is an anathema because they can build walls and barriers whereas here. It is not a book to be read through from beginning to end and then forgotten. Some chapters demand a stop to reading thereby allowing deep thought about what has been said before progressing – please follow this instruction. even in a small way. Now this inspiration has been expanded and extended to cover a comprehensive span of thinking about the lives we lead and what we can do to make them fully satisfying. and these are best followed. and this book is not a psychotherapy. and to be courageous in enacting the modifications or changes that are needed.

Who Are You? Really! Above all. find your own path to walk. Dr Stuart Rose 2 . solving problems to move further with the help of the inner truthful guide.

We got through life safely but did nothing. although we were comfortable. In a nutshell. how I differentiate myself from others – how I can make myself stand out from the crowd and be memorable. happily and safely. We never for a moment dreamed of changing anything. perhaps. and time go by. my ‘castle’. from within which this me can live. and ended up dissatisfied and miserable. or how I can merge and not be noticed (and many. although there can be many similarities between each one. We are often unaware of how we develop a ‘comfort zone’ around this me. 3 . My lifestyle can provide me with great confidence as an individual. to put this the other way around.Chapter One What’s in a Lifestyle? Everybody has one. making us more like each other than we might care to admit. but it can also be my protection from the outside world. how I demonstrate to others and myself that this is ‘me’. or try to live. both from an outward looking perspective and one that looks inward. and to myself. as this lifestyle can make me feel inadequate. how I identify me or. and how from here we sit watching the world go by. not good enough. even from myself! And the reverse is also true. More on this below. This means that this lifestyle combines both physical and mental components (like a dress has both textile and colour). many variations on this theme). So my lifestyle also acts as my security. We ‘missed the boat’ so to speak. even for our whole life. and everybody’s is unique. A lifestyle is what I project to the world. a lifestyle can be summed up as ‘me’ – it is what this me contains. It is how I feel about myself. and ‘mouse-like’.

It’s a known fact that people don’t like change. are as set in their ways as this. so the quality of life is much more central. there is nothing left out and so perhaps ‘material’ is a better description in this instance. and developed. When we talk about the physical. even how it holds itself. my lifestyle also includes the trappings of life: my car. Let’s look at these components talked about above in more detail. forcing compliance. home. it is comprised of what I love. The physical or outer part of me has prime importance while the mental or inner is secondary. enemy). right now. perhaps becoming more so. The net result of all these influences is me. created. family. and includes – particularly includes – my body: its shape. but they don’t have the intelligence to do anything about it. size. How do I feel about this? Different Types of Lifestyles Today. the other people in my life (partner. the multitude of things I do. Great importance is also given to living with – matching – my own values with those of society. as well as its coloring. More. too. been sold. destroys routine. adopted. sometimes at any cost. But mine is a distinct mix of all this. It’s everything outside of my mind. Of course. what it does with itself. much more important. boss. We humans do. Much of the lifestyle elements comprising the mental components are inherited or learned from our parents: particular likings and dislikings. and my aesthetic predilections. ornaments. never knew how. clothes. and form. and having to re-establish ourselves can be a painful process. ways of being and thinking. what I have positive emotions for or about. plus what I have chosen. ‘Best leave things as they are!’ Animals. The list is seemingly endless.Who Are You? Really! we never had the courage. tastes. as I stand. that it is avoided. Why is 4 . people prefer not to live like animals. and so forth. opinions. because it’s unsettling (rocks the boat). starting with the physical.

and our individual lifestyles have developed around it. But first we must seek a way to understand why some ‘buck the trend’. We have to set priorities! We can suggest that there are five types of lifestyles. Why are their lifestyles healthy? Is the answer to live healthily? And what does this mean? Is there a clear answer? Perhaps there is. strength and energy (the survival of the fittest and so primal). I’m not brave enough. following the piper! And yet. answer is that money. It will be seen that this word also equates with ‘happiness’. If we stay put in the same lifestyle for life. then life can become something of a prison. status. but a much more all-encompassing health. The movement does not have to be radical or ‘all 5 . possibly over-simplified. or courageous enough. driven surreptitiously by just a handful of entrepreneurs with big advertising budgets. The types demonstrate a movement towards its opposite and back again. However. A word that seems to sum up the rationale of these people is ‘health’. a stagnant pond. and ownership (of people as well as things) claim the greater value and have become the source of security. oddly. But do clear answers help me to live peacefully? In life. colored by what it dictates. then I’m out in the cold – out of money. A journey. The social norm has to be central. power. there can be no real peace. This is not medical health. If I’m not ‘in’ with the in-crowd. we are made to think I am different. Another way of saying this is that society holds sway over the individual.Stuart Rose this? The simple. ahead of the in-crowd. to be an individual. a complete individual (just like everyone else). if there is no clarity. and feelings of insecurity occur if there is deviation from this norm. An exploration. for a few brave souls there can be a real (or assumed real) individuality with lifestyles to match. friends and more. and we can look at five types.

3. and where are we heading? Is it towards happiness. factors. Is there a happiness or an unhappiness or an in between? Are we comfortable or uncomfortable or in between? And. it can be gentle and satisfying. As has been described. 2 and 4 indicate transition. The different types of lifestyle are: 1. and 5 indicate particular ways to live. Nothing in life can be exactly repeated. and it’s up to each of us to work out just where we fit into this plan. that’s where we are. many points. as there is learning on the way. Wherever we position ourselves in this list. Are we moving at all? If the answer is yes. The past is gone and finished. 4. it can be beautiful. then where have we come from. The list below reads a little like going backwards before going forwards to the same place we started from. healthy lifestyle Types 1. But this is not the case. 2. 5. Healthy lifestyle From healthy to unhealthy lifestyle Unhealthy lifestyle Unhealthy to healthy lifestyle Again. is our present lifestyle what we really want? 6 . have we reached that point from a high or a low position? Or have we been where we are for so long that it is impossible to tell from which direction we came? It’s important to remember that life is always in a state of flux. habits. 3. and decisions are responsible for where we find ourselves. then what would happen is entirely different from what did happen.Who Are You? Really! changing’. Nothing past can be changed. or away from it? If we are static. and what is important to do while this is fresh is to see how we feel about where we are. which means that if we were in the same position now as we were.

Second (and sometimes an outcome of the first example). and this means that the relationships between family members in many instances are dissolving. food. and convenience foods have almost completely removed the need to cook and. or new ways to buy and consume food. it is plain to see that many non-western people are now following a western way of life. because of this. introduction of new foods. at the same time. fast foods. and thereby helping to clarify who we are. we can see a snapshot picture of where we think they are and. which means that the world is not getting more mixed but more the same. banking. Non-western lifestyles are not travelling West. yet. Both are common examples of how easily we follow (or are led) to be like everyone else – a feature that can be likened to an innate herding instinct. becoming more disparate. western shops are now in ‘High Streets’ all over the world – clothing. more on our own (moving 7 . Then a question can be asked: are we the same or are we different? Relating others to our own position is not proposing that we evaluate and compare ourselves to them. supermarkets. which means their lifestyles have changed as they have adopted new cultural elements. Two examples will hopefully demonstrate what is meant. can change traditional cooking and eating habits that have a major knock-on effect to family life. Family life seems to be changing due to these and other trends. and so forth. For example.Stuart Rose Prediction gets results Through the process of observing others. in the process. and both of these stem from the standardization and sameness that is occurring in our society today. First. In the West for example. learn about ourselves. Combining these two examples may lead to the paradoxical notion that one is getting to be more the same as others (coming closer together). many families no longer eat together. That’s a detrimental activity! What we are intending is a prediction or assessment of what might be happening to us.

we can consider our not yet grown side is bigger inside. to have. To be ‘in’ fashion and ‘in line’ with the changes happening in society. and will this change be made by free choice 8 . to possess. or our not yet known side is bigger inside. is difficult. Everyone knows why to achieve. How to achieve. So maintaining social. not why to achieve. from which direction one can see where changes might come from. energy. power. To keep material. family and friends. or even our not yet developed side is bigger inside. or. for enjoyment and pleasure. money. to gain). it’s possible to see where one can start to predict how changes to the lifestyle may have occurred or may be occurring. also adopting new tastes and new ways to have more and more feeling and emotion – is guided and controlled by the intellect. image. Guiding light What are the prime influencers which we might need to use to bring about change. Facing this and to put in sufficient energy and focus to proceed in the lifestyle is a challenge. as are answering questions related to where do we go from where we currently are. or may wish them to come from.Who Are You? Really! further apart). From these and many other examples that we will need to bring to mind in our self-analysis. The question is how to achieve (to grow. and so forth at the centre of the plan to achieve. To start addressing the ‘how’ question. likes and wants. a greater change is required). in any future lifestyle change. dress habits. To live in a particular way with different habits – such as food habits or eating habits. strength. selection of material according to taste and feeling. which in turn gives the feeling of newness (not new feelings because the result will be the same. conversely. business status. has to help in that listed above. and maintain (keep) what has been gained. political. is one part. is the second part. name and fame.

by necessity – what is most important? It needs to be said that one might be happy in the existing lifestyle and see no reason to change. whether it be to change or stand still. but sometimes we can be ahead of the game and change our lifestyle how we want. very difficult to find someone who can be like this. So the static position. We struggle to maintain the upper hand. attrac9 . as well as many other diseases such as cancer. and vital organ related diseases are the result of forceful living. Forceful living All psychosomatic diseases. and more compassionate in this turmoil? It is very. However. of desires). we will have to accept what is dished out whether we like it or not. more loving. more emotional. Money is an external energy. power.Stuart Rose or not-so-free choice. the comfortable position. we have said that the world never stands still. and to be controller of all monetary movement. currency is the term for it. living in a particular way. but it is certainly a battle (of wits. If we don’t. and further changes. Perhaps the greatest guiding force for change. of values. to keep one currency as the ruling currency among other currencies. How can one’s lifestyle be more spiritual. To describe this scenario as a war is probably an overstatement. more affectionate. we just have to make the best of a bad job. and changes occur regardless of our desire. by imposition. HIV. Sometimes this is inevitable. which becomes a lifestyle. AIDS. Many habits. is money. Having change foisted upon us means that we need to be proactive in establishing the values and qualities of the changes life serves up to us. control. in the movement between two or more currencies (not necessarily financial ones) and influences. heart related diseases. might be an illusion – there may be no choice whether to change at all.

misery is the main feature. Simply being alive is not the goal or purpose. it does not mean to say that a correction took place. Do we feel insecure? Yes. and how are we living? Are we living in a monastery? No. These forces are supported by correct reasoning. which helps us to avoid feelings of wrong-doing and of guilt when the adverse result appears. although we try to be free from these. and the like? No. They are a mental preparation for ‘doing the right thing’. The realization that we live an unhealthy lifestyle does not mean that the old habits were changed and a healthy lifestyle started! The lifestyle of anyone is not the result of living it for just one day. not yet. are forces behind living in this way. Are we free from fear. impressions. who are we. if it were. qualities. In society? Yes. while for others. then we would be living at the level of animals. some don’t. So. and that gaining a successful lifestyle is wholly a matter of survival of the fittest? We can be certain to say that all human beings (all of us) are not saints and prophets. it’s much more than that. Because there was an acceptance of a mistake or wrong-doing.Who Are You? Really! tions. worries. Some people appear to lead lives which are on the whole happy. or sometimes. fighting their way to success and destroying others in the process. or appear to. anxiety. How is it that some people seem to manage better than others? Is it that they treat life like a battleground. Luckily we don’t! Don’t we? Questioning ourselves We have implied that there are as many lifestyles as there are people and that each is unique (although of a pattern). such as toys 10 . Was there something missed in our childhood. Some people manage their lifestyles better than others. Are we living in and with a family? No. Do we believe in religion and spirituality? Some do. Each lifestyle is a complex web of an individual’s likes and dislikes built over time. Are we happy inside? Mostly not. and factors.

love and affection. it is not possible to give what is not in us. or love and affection? Did we behave well with each other. Even if we try to show that we can give what we don’t have. Then how can we get them? Can you tell me? Write and tell me how (the address is at the end). Is it possible to steal them? No. or was childhood also a battlefield? Do we carry feelings of not being cared for at some point in our lives? Are we trusting or distrusting? Are we searching for something? If so. how can we understand what’s going on? Maybe we have taken out a loan so that we can be seen to give. or try to show that we are searching for something. 11 . to purchase them? No.Stuart Rose and material things. happiness. but it will need repaying when the loan is due. How can one have peace. what? Where are we searching? Is our search for true love and affection or for the more material things like money. power and strength? Is it possible for us to give what we don’t have? No. sympathy and compassion. satisfaction. on loan? Where is it possible to get them from? Is it possible to buy them.

the feelings one has about oneself and others. the first key question to ask is. how we look. and doing it thoroughly will form the foundation to any future change. This task does not include answers to questions such as. and more. how happy we are. Then. it’s one which may affect the whole of one’s life. a snapshot photo of where you are 12 . writing it all down in the form of lists is a good discipline. It’s not a light decision. A lot rides on its completion. This ‘stocktaking’ is a completely objective appraisal of oneself and the life as it stands right at the moment. and they can be revised and amended as needs be. How will the task be undertaken? Some preparation is necessary. which parts? Will we take some time out away from normal routine to do it? Business people call it brainstorming and often do it in hotels! When starting. As an introduction. the geography of where we are. what is ours and what is not ours. ‘where was I in the past?’ (past successes and failures cannot be changed).Who Are You? Really! Chapter Two Looking more deeply into oneself We have touched upon the questions which are vital to ask about change – let’s now look at them in greater detail so that we can start to get to grips with arriving at the decision to change. ‘Where am I?’ This means taking complete stock of what our life entails – all of what it contains – including the responsibilities one has for oneself and others. This is a big and important task. our financial position. so it deserves close attention. or ‘where will I be in the future?’ (this is fiction. it’s a dream world). they can be brought together to make a master list. when these are mostly finished. Will we need or wish to involve anyone else for some parts of it? If so. our relationships with family and friends.

These can be summarized as: 13 . and objectively might take some courage. It’s the crux! ‘OK. warts and all. where can I go from here. The final question in this major sequence is a natural outcome of the first two. if we don’t get to know how we got where we are. There’s no blame attached to any of what might be found. It’s as serious as that. This process is an enormously positive one and involves much heart-searching (not muck-raking). to know. am I happy or miserable. and so forth? And from this the resolve to change can start to take shape. keep objectivity intact. but keep emotions in check. and understand ourselves as we think we actually are. and in which direction or directions. and the picture we will paint of ourselves may be the most valuable ever produced in our lives. One sheet of paper. but these amount to the same outcome: am I satisfied or dissatisfied. It must be both the inner and outer person. These are simple questions to establish what the current lifestyle is. this is me now. Different bodies In all of what we have talked about so far. see. nor praise. That’s not its purpose. we are likely to continue in the same way of life as before – there will be no possibility of change. truthfully. It can also include the mistakes which were made or avoided. Then we can ask the next question (actually two questions in one). ‘How and why am I in this condition?’ To answer this honestly. Clarity must be uppermost. the degree of change which is thought to be needed. what do I want from my life?’ This can be said in a number of different ways. which must be fully completed first. which may not seem so positive at the time. we’ve mentioned different types and sizes of bodies. We will begin by looking at different ‘bodies’.Stuart Rose and where you stand. but it’s got to be done because.

The reason we need to do this is to establish and describe – get to know intimately – who it is that could have a lifestyle change. Immediately. unclear. it might be said that we know ourselves pretty well – we’re not trying to prove this wrong. or one might have seen a need already but is lost. natural lifestyle. from a healthy/unhealthy point of view. Now it can be seen that we can be influenced by the other’s lifestyle (family. daunted. There are many combinations and variations in this model. normal. then (unlike Humpty Dumpty) we can put all the ‘bits’ back together again. We will take a look at these bodies one by one. we just want each person to look at themselves as we may never have looked at ourselves before. At this stage. many of which might not normally be perceived from. Each entertains different lifestyles. The first one is followed by the others. we must separate out different elements in an unreal way so that each can be studied in isolation. or we can come under the impression of the other’s lifestyle.). or have many other reasons (forwards or backwards). social. To do this. and make a copy of it or them through changing our own original. This is a deep analytical look – much more than we have done already – at ‘myself’ from several angles. concerning what it is about the current lifestyle 14 .Who Are You? Really! Individual Family Social National International These five types of bodies are living bodies. and they are all interrelated in a healthy or unhealthy way. we can consider the other’s lifestyle a better model to follow (or not). or in combinations – the world is an electronic village and has to be sorted out. it’s by no means certain that a need for change has been seen. etc.

Stuart Rose

which may need attention. We may end up deciding that no lifestyle change is necessary after all and, as long as we are certain that this is not avoidance, that’s OK too. So let’s start at the beginning.

1. Individual
What comprises the individual? Wow! Where can we start to unravel this enormous question? Let’s not get put off at the first hurdle but divide the question into manageable parts so that we can gently find our way in. This ‘I’, me, can straight away be divided in two. Later we might say that the division can be more than two, but for the moment two is sufficient. These two are ‘me the physical body’, and ‘me the mental body’. Even so, these are still substantial chunks to get to grips with. We can also sub-divide each of these into the four remaining types of bodies listed above, but that, too, will over-complicate our endeavor right now, although we will need to remember what we find here when we reach these types as they arise.

a. Me the physical body
We are closest of all to our physical bodies and know them intimately. Yes, we know all the warts and blemishes that we’d rather not mention, thank you! But we know that we are beautiful, too, even if this is difficult to admit to ourselves. Yet it’s surprising just how much our physical bodies influence who we are and how we have structured our present lifestyle. We must now look afresh, with objectivity. If we can stand in front of a full length mirror, preferably naked (so as to remove our ‘disguises’ or ‘camouflage’), on our own, it is possible to see oneself from a new perspective. Ask ourselves: What makes my body different from anybody else’s body? We all have different sizes in height, width, weight (and, of course, gender and ethnic origin), but isn’t it true that we all
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Who Are You? Really!

have bodies just like this one reflected in the mirror? For example, when I breathe in and out the same thing happens as it does to every breathing being: the chest lifts and drops, and life is maintained. Apart from minor ‘peculiarities’, can we agree that I am just the same physically as everybody else? And these little peculiarities that I and no-one else has, these are what makes me different, what causes me to act in a certain way. There is no need to point them out individually here, from one’s own perspective they can – and must – be seen clearly. We have lived with them since they developed or occurred. They have influenced how we present ourselves to the world. Seeing a difference in our physical bodies (which are of a like with every other body), we create an unrealistic notion of our uniqueness – felt as real, but is unreal, imagined, illusory – which in turn ‘allows’ me to present both to myself and to others a deceptive, false lie about who I am. And so we comfortably get on with our lives, the truths well hidden in some ‘attic’ store chest. This is where change can originate: getting rid of the lies and moving towards living in truth – to ourselves mostly, but the outcome of this will naturally percolate to our broader ‘theatre’ of existence. (We’ve ‘jumped the gun’ a little here by talking in terms of the mental body, which shows just how difficult it is to talk about one body without involving another.) Standing here in front of the mirror, I can see that this body is no different – no better and no worse – than any other. We are all equal in this respect, and if I see myself different on this physical front (except in unusual circumstances), then attention has to be paid here. We can pose the question: If I only had one leg, would it mean that I am any less of a person? If all four limbs were lost, plus as much removed from the body as possible, again would this ‘me’ become more or less of a person? What is our reply? Still standing in front of the mirror, we can look with some awe and wonderment at this reflected body. At how perfect it is for the ‘job’ of living as a human being. There is nothing apparent
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Stuart Rose

that is not necessary for the performance of this job: nothing extra, nothing which is not required; the legs and arms are just the right length; the torso full of all sorts of gubbins to feed and control itself, and ‘sweep up’. The ‘designer’ and ‘manufacturer’ has excelled; the machine is simply beautiful in every respect. Humblingly so. This means that the body in the mirror is perfectly suited for the lives we lead, and so also for the lifestyle. It cannot be improved (although it can be superficially and cosmetically altered, and some worn-out parts replaced). Yet it can and does adapt to different situations: for example, it can be both carnivorous and herbivorous; it can live equally well in the cold of Alaska and the heat of Nigeria; it can survive starvation and gluttony. In much the same way, this body adapts to many changes during its life (not least, for a woman, by bearing a child); in fact, it needs to change because of these life events. The lifestyle undergoes natural physical evolution all of the time, which means it is likely that any change that is decided to make will be accepted and catered for – could it possibly even be already in the design (in the program) that certain particular ‘extra’ changes occur from time to time? We have spent time standing in front of the mirror looking at our physical body in an attempt to see it in a new light. We can conclude that it is just a ‘machine’, a brilliant machine, in principle just like any other machine which is designed to do a particular job. It even has built-in obsolescence! We give it significant importance in our lifestyle, although in fact, it is inert. Without life, it is just a lump of meat – anyone who has seen a dead body can testify to this. Even with life, but in deep sleep, the body appears lifeless. Is the body simply the mind’s ‘toy’, something to play with: to anoint, dress up, enjoy? (There is another aspect to the physical body to which we pay scant or no attention, and we need pay it no attention here. This
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is not clearly visible. To approach it so that we can see clearly its influence. Me the mental body The mental body seems very much more complex than the physical body and.Who Are You? Really! is all the autonomous systems. food. A mirror is useless for this job. so it is unrealistic and artificial to separate them but. All the four work together. not being material. blood. and which not? What is the overall conclusion? There is one more question that is needed to be asked at this point. The only useful suggestion is to find a comfortable place and relax because thinking time is what is needed (and maybe a pencil and paper). it is better to sub-divide it into four constituent parts. It is my mental body which creates personas around my physical body. They are all vital to life – and death – but remain scarcely visible in our mirror. yet we can immediately say that it is the prime influencer to ‘my’ lifestyle.) We have spent some time standing in front of the mirror looking at the body from all angles. or less so? Was it important at all? To what degree has it influenced the current lifestyle – answer from 0% to 100%? Is this positive or negative? Which parts of the answer can be accepted. this question will recur again and again in different guises as we proceed. b. 18 . with all that we have established about this physical body. or more so. the question is: Am I my physical body? Time for some more thinking…. we will get very lost in trying to establish who this me is. and so now.. and others. control. What do we think of it now? Is it as important as was first thought. not hours). The four parts of the mental body are: the mind (comprising our principal link to the physical body through the senses). the changeable bits and functions: air. if we don’t. This may take a while (think in terms of days and weeks. In this instance. we turn to look at the second body.

the nose is smelling. the taste buds are tasting. not just this one part. or the house is burning down. The mind simply identifies and reports to the other three parts what the senses say – it sorts the information out into ‘digestible’ bits – then it sends messages determined by the other mental parts back to the body for action as required. Let’s take a simplified look. in speech. these events don’t happen in isolation. it is a channel for what the body organs and muscles are doing and sensing (in tandem with operation of the autonomous body systems). therefore. We have to live with this dual word usage! ii. ’I feel’. i. it is the mind which identifies what the eyes are seeing. In itself. This information is then analyzed and identified by the other three parts of the mental body. It is also the mind which sends information back to the body (commands and responses) for action. As we can realize. and so forth) – it is the deciding factor. the skin is touching and sensing. and the ears are hearing and whether the body is in balance. intellect (which is where we ‘discuss’ what’s happening). Plus. or I have fallen and broken my leg. for example. Memory The information from the mind is automatically analyzed by the 19 .Stuart Rose memory (comprising all the past knowledge). and our ego or I-ness (which says ‘I want’. but in countless combinations: we can see. Whether the taste is hot or cold. touch. Mind Almost all of the communication between ‘me’ and my physical body is through the senses. we normally refer to all four components as mind. ‘I am’. and smell a flower at the same time. this means that the mind is essential to – but not particularly influential to – our lifestyle. is not of concern here. The word ‘mind’ used here is a little confusing because.

enabling us not to have to keep on deciding something about the same message stimuli that we have received maybe hundreds of times before. rejected. and build separate piles for the results: for example. and ascertain just how much of it has been caused by fast-track instead of considered decisions – ‘Do I really want to be this way. There usually is! The memory is important to the development and management of our lifestyle because it is the storehouse of what we have previously determined. accepted. then to consider it. For example. which means that another of the mental parts has to consciously overrule the automatic response of ‘remember what happened before. not just previous events. review again. re-consider it. It is an effort to change the ‘programme’. and responds accordingly. which is why it is so easy to accept previous decisions – the memory can be likened to an overworked office which will cut corners in order to keep up with the large and constant stream of work which ‘pours’ in through its doors all day – and night.Who Are You? Really! memory to see if there is anything familiar in what the senses ‘say’. it remembers that I don’t like bananas. But I’d like to try a banana again. don’t touch it’ with ‘I’ve changed my mind. for instance). and so forth. just like in an office. it is the two remaining mental parts that make 20 . we need to look at different parts of what we are now. or am I like I am because of the force of habit?’ This is what takes the time: looking at every piece of pertinent information we can think of (and even ‘stuff’ which we don’t normally think of – those store boxes in the ‘attic’. it simply records. some people are more scattered – it doesn’t matter. It’s called fast-tracking! To come to understand our lifestyle more fully. The memory doesn’t make the decisions that are remembered. What matters is that we arrive at a series of conclusions about the relationship of the memory with the lifestyle that we are satisfied with. which are shortcuts. yes please!’ The memory is full of set patterns of what we want and don’t want. pending. Some people can carry out this task in an ordered fashion.

and then it is left up to the judge to make the decision. or do I want to shift emphasis much more squarely onto or away from my shoulders? The intellect operates in quite a factual way. what I am like. Again. iii. it doesn’t form opinions. accepted. but doesn’t decide: using the analogy of a court of law. Intellect The intellect is continuously presented with information from the mind and memory. Nothing moves without my say-so. I have decided all there has been to decide about my lifestyle. patriotism. is it really me who thinks this way or am I led by family. nothing is actioned. Similarly to the mind and memory. The conclusion is then taken on by the final part of the mental body for ratification and action. or adopted without my agreement. it gathers and considers (weighs the evidence). I-ness There has been a build-up to this ‘high point’ in describing ‘my mental body’ until we have reached the ego or I-ness. Nothing! (Except for what is autonomous). to weigh up the pro’s and con’s. iv. 21 . or do I cut corners and only do half the job that could be done? Am I conscientious or thorough enough? Then more questions come: Are the set patterns the right ones for me. there is some thinking time needed here to ascertain (in very much the same way as we have done for the memory) if we have set patterns for thinking about things. market forces. or whatever reason that isn’t wholly or partly me? Am I satisfied with the answers I have come up with. and set solutions or answers. society. the intellect presents all the facts to the judge. The ‘I’ in me is supreme.Stuart Rose all the decisions. Do I allow my intellect to investigate fully. and its function is to think about it and come to some conclusion. I have decided who I am.

thereby giving the impression that one has two selves to ‘talk’ and debate issues 22 . life-changing decisions. However. and ‘somewhere’ for the intellect to deliberate. this ego or personality. These are almost physical in character. determines my own self-importance. First of these is attempting to find the ‘I’. deciding whether or not to eat a banana). it does so much. In my mental body. It governs everything from the most insignificant aspect of one’s life (for example.Who Are You? Really! So what is this I? We can start to answer this question from a number of different perspectives. partly under our control. and what color umbrella I should use today. the ‘I’ has to decide who I am to be with. The list of its decisions and their qualities is endless. and the ‘I’ is contained – overtly or covertly – in every thought. Who gave this ‘I’ its authority? We can ask: Is this power completely under our control. I-ness is different in that it does not have the quasi physical characteristics of its partners. we find it’s a very queer and slippery fish indeed! The power and effect of I-ness is enormous. how I should talk. ‘somewhere’ for the memory to store its information. Think of a thought which in some way does not contain ‘I’. or even puts up obstructions to protect its discovery. The ‘I’. where I should live. It governs all of the lifestyle: the ‘I’ has to approve how I am at any one time. to the most significant. Can this be done? Does this ‘I’ appear like a second ‘me’. or completely out of our control? Who or what else other than this ‘I’ could do and achieve what is done? But what does the ‘I’ do? We can establish that it protects me and frightens me. it is plain to see that there is ‘somewhere’ for the senses to come together and be sorted. On closer inspection. and when one enquires more deeply into its nature it becomes surprisingly illusive. it’s always here. or manages to divert attention away from itself. feeds me and starves me. loves me and hates me. The ‘I’ instigates every thought.

every loving action. If this dis-ease can be found. and we can ask. who by? We have said that this ‘I’ is a ‘queer fish’. I have to survive. but they need to be asked if one is going to be able to come to understand oneself more fully in order to know which direction the future lifestyle may take. It is a pain. But we all do! That’s a fact.Stuart Rose together. is because of survival. whatever is required. to survive – every dirty trick. it may give the thought: Well. We will look at ways this can be done a little later. of this there is no doubt. maybe I’m not so bad after all. It may surprise us with the thoughts that it thinks. we think no-one else could have such terrors. it is more like an unease. and if so. In fact. and it can be quelled or dealt with. as we have indicated above. Everyone has a light and dark side to their lifestyle. it must be found and routed out if there’s going to be any chance of complete happiness. Knowing this may be consoling. that it is something separate. such as some extraterrestrial or spirit basis to who we are? Can the influence of this ‘I’ be overruled if desired. The net cost of this is a deep or deeply concealed existential anguish or angst. I value myself more than anything else. This is not exactly an unhappiness. It is only by much deep. One reason why the ‘I’ is so strong. which is difficult to put my finger on. Whatever the cost (except in exceptional circumstances). ‘Where on earth did I get that thought from?’ We hide and never admit we have dreadful thoughts. to identify clearly. and quite OK. so that it no longer remains a subtle influence disturbing our lifestyle. absolutely anything. It can be vicious and sweet. a disquiet. Is there full approval of the decisions this ‘I’ makes? Is there contentment with the lifestyle it has created? These may seem strange and alien questions indeed. totally awful. I will do anything. we can engage with it to ‘satisfy’ the pain it creates. or does this ‘I’ feel as if it isn’t part of me at all. reflective thought 23 .

how come we can fall in love with a particular person and not others. or not experience love at all? How come we can experience love without relation to ourselves or others? Is it true that love is not dependent on time or place? Can love be forced? One thing is certain. as a concluding question. two aspects have not been mentioned in any detail. to have sex. Next to these. there is one further happening that occurs without any input from ourselves. it can destroy it! And there’s nothing whatsoever we can do about it. Physically we have to eat and drink (and get rid of what’s not wanted). to have a wide variety of physical pleasures. Without even the possibility of love. How come we can love ourselves. memory. it can make it rock solid. Is there anything more than the physical and mental? In all that’s been said about the physical and mental bodies. can we say that our lives and lifestyles would be lacking the most important ingredient? 24 . there is no choice. it can turn our lifestyle upside down. That’s one side. the essential task is to survive – ‘I’ have to survive at all cost – and this need brings with it all of the mental means which the mind. It’s where we have no control or that which is beyond any control in our lives. sometimes it is anticipated. However. we can ask: Am I happy with how my ‘I’ is. Sometimes it is welcomed. am I happy with the work it does? And finally. but we have to accept that it’s a ‘wild card’ played by unknown ‘external forces’. This is love. Its effect is felt throughout both our physical and mental bodies. Love is a major part of the lifestyle. and sometimes it ‘knocks us for six’.Who Are You? Really! that this can be achieved. could I do without it? c. These are the essentials. Again. so to speak. On the mental side. to sleep and be warm. It occurs out of the blue. although not essential. and we are completely surprised. is the instinct and need to procreate. intellect and ego create and which we have already looked at. to be active.

We are not ignoring them here. surveys show that more than two-thirds of people believe that physical death is not the end of their existence. as it is a very substantial subject. Where do we stand on this question? This spiritual body can be described as the sum total of me without the mind and physical body. but for many they are not at all or only a little involved. that I come from or am – in one particular form or another – made by this God and left pretty much alone to live this life. The ideas are many. and contains a ‘balance sheet’ of my merits and demerits earned during this and previous lives (the number of lives depending upon which ideas are believed). or achieves a state of nothingness where there is no more transmigration. and we are writing this book for all people.Stuart Rose Some people believe that we have a further body. or is resurrected. it seems certain that they play an important role in the development of their lifestyles – these beliefs involve the very nature of existence itself. but we are concentrating on terrestrial life (in other words. not anything else. humanistic life) as it is being lived now. For example. but not all. it is a little unrealistic to look in the 25 . we are concentrating our attention on this life. The idea is that it is this body which transmigrates after death to heaven. or goes to live another life (human or something else). spiritual ideas are deeply involved. and the strength of belief is strong and widespread. regardless of beliefs. As was said in the beginning of this section. This third body is the spiritual body or soul. Many religions and spiritualities have these beliefs. and this idea needs to be raised here but not discussed in any depth. With regard to the lifestyle. Individual (concluded) The door has now been opened to greater insight to how the lifestyle has been managed up until now. For many people. As so many people have such beliefs. and they are an outcome from the idea that God (or whatever word is used) is in some way separate from me.

Who Are You? Really!

isolated way that we have because there are many influences to the development of the lifestyle, but this approach has aided our concentration on the core influence. Some wider influences will be met with in the following sections. We have found that, although imagined to be highly influential, the physical ‘me’ (my physical body), is perhaps not so influential after all. Most of all, it is the ego or I-ness which has been the main determiner, the principal dynamic force, to the evolution of ‘my’ lifestyle. Questions have been raised as to the satisfactoriness of this finding, and an opinion will have been formed as to how much we have been led by ‘forces’ that we were unaware of. There will now be a much clearer conclusion of whether change or modification needs to be enacted. We have purposely avoided engaging with the individual in a social context up until this point because it was more important to look inwards first. However, the individual is not usually an isolated, inward-looking being all of the time, but relates constantly with the four other bodies: family, social, national and international. There is a vibrant dynamic at play between the individual and the others, and we will look at the complexities and inter-relational issues they create.We are all well aware of the dramatic social changes which have taken place in the twentieth century and, to avoid repeating, these will be mostly talked about in the following section devoted to the family, to which our attention will now turn.

2. Family
There has been a clear distinction between the prevalence of a nuclear or an extended family between westerners and those from elsewhere, but this situation is changing as western values encroach further and further across the globe. Up until the Industrial Revolution, extended families were the norm in most countries, but since then they have declined to such an extent in the West that they are edging towards becoming a rarity. This is
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Stuart Rose

now happening in many other places with the onset of the Technological Revolution, primarily in the cities. Even the meaning of the word ‘family’ has changed, and the word ‘group’ might be more accurate to use in some situations; similarly (but to a lesser extent), ‘marriage’ can be replaced with ‘partnership’. There is no necessity for blood ties between people involved in the group. What this means is that there has been a dramatic change in the lifestyles of huge numbers of people: stability of the traditional family unit has flown out of the window, and change is occurring mostly in one direction. Whereas the earlier family contained many people – four or even five generations together with siblings’ families – now it may contain between one and four persons – at most two generations and just a single family unit. One result of this in some countries is that there is a negative birth rate (where more people die than are born). It is not necessary here to look at why this situation has arisen, as we can leave sociologists to work it out; what we need to do is establish what some of the newer joys and difficulties are that influence today’s lifestyles. No matter how populated the family is or was, nor how gregarious its members, each person in that group has always been an individual – there always has been a need for some degree of privacy. In the smaller family, this is now almost forced upon its members – thought of as a positive if it surfaces as solitude, but more so as a negative if it is loneliness. In varying degrees, both are familiar to all people, and both influence the lifestyle. On the other hand, by living in a family or group, it is easy to live parts of the others’ lives instead of living one’s own simply because it helps avoid some of the problems encountered in fully living one’s own life. We can most easily do this by disproportionally living out our children’s lives. When people live together, it normally means that they have
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Who Are You? Really!

relationships with one another. There are two principal types: blood or sexual. A difference between the two is that there is no choice of who is related to whom in blood relationships, but there is choice in who is the sexual partner. One view on this latter type is that if there is no sexuality involved, then it is not a relationship but more akin to a friendship or some such. Up to this point we have not talked about sexuality, yet in different ways it has very much to do with the physical and mental bodies, with being an individual, and being a family. Sexuality plays a substantial role in our lifestyle formation and management. In a broad sense, for many it is one of the highest pleasures in life. It also produces the most scruples and hangups! However, it is not the purpose here to talk about sexuality per se; we build our lives (and our lifestyles) principally around making ourselves happy, and pleasurability is one of the predominant factors in this happiness. In comparatively recent times, although not in every country or society, there has been substantial change involving sexuality: contraception and abortion is legal and available; homosexuality and prostitution are condoned; ‘soft’ pornography is accepted as part of life; many, many marriages end in divorce, which, in turn, has given rise to the dysfunctional family; sex before marriage is commonplace; marriage itself is no longer a social ‘necessity’, and many couples live together and build families this way. The size of family, as we have said, has also changed beyond recognition – the ‘cement’ which held the members together has been washed away, so to speak. Perhaps the principal cause of this is the desire for greater riches and for the ‘supposed’ concomitant rise in happiness and quality of life. Changing a job can involve changing a country, and the family unit is further eroded; riches may come, but not necessarily greater happiness – changing a job can often entail forced change of lifestyle for all family members. Children move away from parents, brothers and sisters move away from each other, grandparents are dispatched
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of individuality) can be directed to one’s advantage. and maybe further This final part of our section ‘Different Bodies’ combines the final three bodies and looks beyond. Yes. Greater freedom within the family itself also gives greater opportunity to expand one’s horizons. 3. International. move home every few years – nothing is static. can have a substantial impact on the lifestyle. work colleagues. associates. we might have given the impression that there is much greater freedom for everyone but. The lifestyle today. and. this newfound ‘liberty’ may slow down (or move in a different direction) as new technology enables us to ‘meet’ with family. friends. with which they are engaged in all kinds of ways. social groups. Social. is not all doom and gloom. take a holiday on the opposite side of the world to where we live. as most people have friends. this is 29 . Relationships. yet each person can. And these. However. of morals. And we haven’t even begun to explore space – ‘housing estates’ on the moon or planets other than Earth can’t be that far away! Up until this point.Stuart Rose to retirement homes (if they haven’t already gone to one under their own steam). Mobility is one of the key factors: we can work many miles away from home. in the West. extend beyond the family home. Much that has been said in the extensive first two parts is highly relevant to the lifestyle in these broader contexts. of course. it is easier to follow a ‘pied piper’. in reality. National. and colleagues using video phones. The world is not going to change its fast-flowing direction. and so forth. Greater freedom (of movement. There is so much displacement occurring to today’s family: it’s no wonder that the lifestyle needs to change regularly to keep up. again. but it can be far more satisfying to be one’s own ‘piper’ – if there is courage and a firm knowledge of oneself. although faced with ‘shifting sands’ and unique ‘tests’.

Firm knowledge about oneself and the relative world releases some of it. computers) break down. but seems harder to find and easier to lose. (not to mention fears we have about ourselves: inadequacies. each of us has to defend ourselves more comprehensively. and the like. smiling faces.Who Are You? Really! not the case. washing machines. new diseases are spreading. New technology is designed to make our lives easier. inconstancies) – there’s no end to the list! There is seemingly no escape from fear: it ‘lurks’ never far away hidden under our apparently happy. jobs are lost. we have less time. This black picture is being painted to make the point that. But if only the material is used to defend against the material we will never grow. It is the material which is most under threat. depression. terrorists abound. Everything is insecure and uncertain: marriages break up. Happiness itself still exists. homes are lost through debt. important areas. and a prime reason for this is life’s material basis. We can look at what is binding us. and these include anger. Fear also spawns yet more miseries. crime is rampant. which all work together thereby exacerbating themselves to higher pitches such as road rage and suicide. competition is fierce. frustration. inabilities. increasingly. and traffic jams making longer travelling time with more and ‘better’ roads and cars. children are abducted. This is why we are saying here that change or modification maybe needed due to the lifestyle: I am 30 . It may well be that we are more bound than ever before in most. but the unconscious tension which fear creates needs something stronger. but the reverse is the outcome! Surprisingly. from the inability to manage it. to greed for more of it – fear is never far away. cars crash. machines (cars. if not all. and we suffer things like information glut with computers and the Internet. creating more tensions such as impatience. Perhaps first and foremost is that we are bound by a greater degree of fear. not more.

‘chat’ intimately with people we have never and are never likely to meet via email groups in the privacy and security of home – physical social interaction outside of the family or group is in sharp decline. We know that these have made the world smaller by bringing people together more quickly. shopping (even for groceries) via the internet from home. now they are starting to make the individual more isolated – working from home. and we become more citizens of the World – or Universe – rather than of a particular country. What is more. The individual’s interface with the other bodies and itself We have talked extensively about the individual. national and international bodies. a little about the family. social or wider origin – now form one amorphous collection of individuals. in turn creating new challenges – but also new 31 .Stuart Rose the way into this situation. Who or what will I be willing to die for – the children have gone. if they are all so distant and vague? Am I the only person whom I can serve. I maintain it. and does this satisfy my need? We feel lost: where do I belong? And who can I love with any certainty other than myself? My interaction with others is also alienated as it sometimes appears that those involved – whether from family. the country has changed. To talk more about the latter in isolation starts to become a history of the world and its new technologies. collapsed. take-away meals ordered by phone delivered to the home. and I am the only way out of it. and sparsely about the social. Who can I serve? How can it be the family. The different structures have dissolved. my colleagues. or merged. or my country. I am no longer where I was born and brought up. I have moved home several times? Feelings of alienation can arise. the feeling of patriotism and national identity will decline as nations form closer and closer links with each other.

to be new again. only to be ‘re-born’. I need to keep clarifying where I am. the world will pass me by or sink me in its surge. as I exist in this momentum. one would go nowhere. We can establish just how much of what happened was our doing. and finally evolved. At the same time. I have to change. were sustained. the physical body becomes less important as its public exposure reduces. It can be likened to a smooth flow which appears the opposite when viewed in isolated sections. it is sustained by the source and breathes its life. The crucial ‘mover’ in all of this was I-ness: our desires. disintegrates. One way of describing it is to say that all and everything begins from a source. more disposable. wants and needs. There is an eternal cycle of which this situation is but another manifestation. and it is easier to change. and I will never end the misery. returning to the source. especially so if children have left. Many of these cycles (the bodies we are discussing) occur in various sequences – it is a seemingly continuous process – which means that. or the reason for marriage or partnership has come under question. We can notice clearly the cycles we have been through: how they began. never have a chance of being happier. All of us will have experienced some of this and know that we are more on our own now than ever before.Who Are You? Really! problems – regarding where I fit into it all. it declines. but there are fewer and fewer people in it. of this there is no question. our engagement with it is reducing. The individual is simultaneously both expanding and shrinking! The home (as a physical place) – where we are – is becoming more important than ever. and how much happened outside of our control – how much just occurred almost of its own volition. or evolves from this source. We sit at home and watch it all – interacting with it – on the TV. 32 . Without the ‘I’. if I stand still. do nothing. It’s an odd thing that while our ‘world’ (of interests) is getting bigger because it’s getting smaller (more accessible).

even its own physical body. but the factors. likings. or that. we have given 112 pointers which paint and describe qualities. ii) a cloth is made of threads. iii) a bicycle is made from metal parts. abilities and capabilities. behavioral patterns. for example. or not? Should I change my lifestyle. points.Stuart Rose just as. and habits are not the lifestyle itself! Because of any reason. iv) a river is ‘made’ by raindrops. the answer is: i) a house is built with bricks. or is one bound by set patterns of behavior which automatically ‘switch in’? Is the individual even losing the ability to think for her or himself? How has this happened? The point each of us must come to is one of clear decision: in this direction. guiding forces. expectations. but bricks are not the house itself. but the metal parts are not the bicycle itself. it is then the questions arise: how to do it and what to do it for? And we have already 33 . Or is it? Does one interact in different ways according to the situation. methods. on the theme of ‘lifestyle’. and habits. why are so many points and factors given in the following assemblage? For this. wrong movements. in different ways: it is very versatile. guidelines. points. and v) in the same way. It can be likened to a huge wardrobe full of clothes to try on. some mixtures and combinations of these. or not? Can it be improved and made happier. a lifestyle is made from many factors. but the raindrops are not the river itself. but the threads are not the cloth. habits. identifications. or not? How can I start to move forward? In the next section. One could ask. inner motors. and we can mix and match what comes to mind to our heart’s content. and so forth. This I-ness interacts with all the bodies. when it becomes necessary to bring change or modification to the lifestyle. is my life working as I want it to. dislikings. experiences. the animal after eating just stands still or lies down and only moves again if pushed or hunger re-appears.

Who Are You? Really! started our approach to these. ‘in case of’. For example. the lifestyle of a dead person and a living one are possible to compare. and ‘through the self’. how can we repair or renovate. will be more or less. Many points and factors need to be thought about. then it should be ‘by the self’. places. Each of us can discover for ourselves how all these elements are interconnected in different ways. ‘for the self’. disturbances and their cause. So. even mine. and occasions. suffering. in differing proportions. which type of material can be used for which purpose. ‘perhaps’. some goal. ‘maybe’. even though the goalposts may change or move repeatedly during the process of this work. All these many points and factors are directly or indirectly concerned with our own decisions. at different times. From where and when can the change or modification start? To change the house. We must be clear about what we’re doing so it’s worth repeating. how many bricks will need to be changed or modified? Similar questions can also be applied to other examples: just how long is a piece of string? What is more. and ‘for one’s own self’. as well as looking at experiences from the past and present lifestyles. is not inside? Which points or factors are missing? Write and tell me (the address is at the end). A lifestyle is ‘by the self’. by using such words as ‘if’. problems. but the lifestyle of a person not yet born is not possible to predict and compare! What is possible to predict? The percentage of pain. ‘for the self’. even though they might not relate directly to each person. and how much is enough? It is better to have some idea. when it is important to bring about change or modification to the lifestyle. Who is the final deciding authority? 34 . Can one say that the picture of anyone’s lifestyle. etc. ‘through the self’. and the cause of the cause. as there must be some extra points or factors which could be added to this list.

112 Pointers to a Brighter Lifestyle Just See what Rises in the Mind and Play (O mind. and read them over and over again – take thinking time to establish points for development and growth from what is said. a response or commentary is given. one with minimum unwanted disturbances. Yet what is said might unnecessarily cause a diversion and only hinder what is brought to mind. Think laterally. 35 .Stuart Rose Chapter Three The following pages represent highly intensive thinking material. enjoy the show. in a certain and particular way. After each of the Pointers. or is it a natural occurrence. to start to expand it.) 1 Attitude to do To behave. Take time to go through each Pointer. but most of all. The responses are not in any detail of particular life events or personal understanding. mostly in the form of questions. or is the person under the microscope really like what they want to be? Do we really live as what is seen. not an actor – maybe it’s better to ‘sit back’ and watch the show. think truly. That is the hope. which may help and guide getting to the point or points of the Pointer. (Who is it living like this or that? Are we like what we see. you are a rascal taking me on endless adventures. and you are convincing that it’s me in the play. The reader must decide. to live. be relaxed. these each of us need to add. not be hurt or pleased by any of its events. tangentially. or do we just think we do? What is the attitude towards oneself? Is there force to be like this. or are we putting on false ‘airs’: is there pretence. This thinking material is given to help come to a better understanding of ourselves to enable a healthier and happier life.

is for pleasure and 36 . In any case. why bother to adjust? This life will be alright in the end. and which part needs attention? We must be honest with ourselves. Well. but why does one need to adjust? Does one need to have less disturbance in the life. Is there something to gain or lose by adapting? Yes. If only things had been different. how we behave? What does the word ‘attitude’ mean? So many similar questions about oneself!) 2 Adjustment It’s natural to adjust. this life is just right. After adapting it. Take the easy route. How to decide. It’s as crucial as that. almost so. an increase in happiness. Yet if there’s no adjustment.Who Are You? Really! without personal influence? Is it known what other people think of how we live. afterwards there can be contentedness. or to procure what one doesn’t have. (What’s the difference between adjusting and adapting? What does the dictionary say? Does adapting mean more of a change than simply adjusting what already is? Is it possible to adapt to different situations. or is there a reserve. But is there a risk of the reverse? What to do?) 4 Acceptance For certain things. survival may not be possible. or to be more comfortable? Why adjust? (No need to. an unwillingness? Identify which situations they are. with certain purpose.) 3 Adaptation To have. a little contentment is possible. so that the existing lifestyle or future performance and activities and so forth. and how much needs adjusting if the decision is made to adjust? Which part of this life is really OK. are smooth for us on the inside.

Where is what is being faced coming from. it seems there might be an inconsistency here: is there a pattern to when we are open and when we are closed. it’s not good. (Yes. along with 4 and 5. welcoming. isn’t it. it gives bad feelings. contentedness. more in focus. one way limited. and is the pattern based on outside influences or internal ones? And what has fear got to do with the answer?) 6 To agree Again this is required. oneself? To explore this further. or are we open? Or are we both. and is the indifference hot or cold? Is there an in between?) 37 . how is agreement possible. but this needs to be thought about. or does it manifest as half-hearted and so of less value or even valueless? Is there tranquillity. (Are we closed off. there can be happiness. it is required. happy. there can be unhappiness. what is wanted to be accepted and what not? Then the question can be asked: why this way or why the other way? Which is right? Is there a right and wrong? But then there’s another way of looking at acceptance. dissatisfaction.Stuart Rose happiness.) 5 ‘Openness’ To receive with closedness is very difficult. depending on what mood we’re in? Openness is expansive. and is that why it’s required? At this time. when there’s agreement. the other way unlimited. but what happens if there’s no agreement? If there’s no openness and acceptance. bad faith. and am I separate or a part of it? The ego or personality might insist that there is separateness from the source. and in it. (It’s a choice. receiving can be uncritical. or is it more concerning about the subject. Either way. In the reverse. are we better people. Does it matter about the object. or does being generally in agreement make no difference to us? Can we be indifferent to what occurs.

(Just like being at a restaurant when there’s nothing that takes one’s fancy. or is the most freedom always solitary? Which is preferred? Is there happiness on one’s own. a family or society for example. like a glue. Or is it? Interest can be creation: one develops a liking for something or somebody. nothing we want to do. or is fun better? And what is meant by ‘better living’? Is it possible?) 9 Interest A binding agent. Becomes also the cause of habit formation. to get. or is greater happiness found with others? What has pleasure got to do with this? Nothing or everything? Is freedom pleasurable. (Are we ever completely free or is freedom always a compromise? Is there freedom in a group of people together.Who Are You? Really! 7 Use of choice Right to select is possible. Does interest mean dissatisfaction with what one has. but only when the choice is sufficient. nothing appetizing. nothing good to buy. the choice. Have we done this in the past? In retrospect. was it a good choice or not so good? When do we abstain from choosing? How do we know?) 8 Use of freedom For better living with maximum enjoyment. and that liking is the interest upon which action is built. has one ever enough. making possible (bridging) the way forward. (The interest that is received on one’s savings or activities is not what is meant here. whether we like it or not and regardless of the result. is 38 . to achieve some things. or are we not in the right frame of mind to make a rewarding choice? Are all choices rewarding? Maybe we have to make the choice out of what there is. nobody we like. Is it what’s on offer. and no interference and disturbance from others. creates a bridge or passage for movements of energy: to have.

to show own uniqueness – speciality – through this. bad. or who is it that rules the roost? If we cannot control them. or like a guide. however slight. priority is given in looking to certain things. then can we trust them as a guide? And what of feelings upon which we’ve made important decisions. was the result as planned. and action: works as a guiding force. and indifferent? Can we control them. it is why so many of us wear ‘unique’ designer clothes. do we know. watch the same TV programmes. can anyone or anything influence them. a popular value. and so forth.Stuart Rose the habitual building of bridges good or not so good? Is the extreme an addiction. or are feelings of all sorts: good. than developing something truly unique. Why do we like what most other people like? Is it because it’s easier to adopt an existing value. and is any addiction good? What’s the honest answer. decision. but we are all different because we each have unique value systems – this is why so many people shop at supermarkets and so basically eat the same food in the same way. or were there a few surprises? How can we trust ourselves? Is there a way?) 11 Value system Importance is given on a certain basis. and how is moderation possible?) 10 Feeling As a base of thinking. (What is there no feelings about. impossible? Is there a clear definition of what a feeling is. truly ourselves? Is it because we are fearful of being different? Do we lack the courage of our convictions to be unique?) 39 . or is to have no feelings. (Is each of us unique or are we all essentially the same? O.

firmness. deciding. freeing or stifling. and what are its negative aspects? Does a routine lead to an ordered life. when life is comfortable?) 13 Following a regular routine Once the programme is started. or what was the help we received? Do we 40 . closed. and acting in a particular way. or all of the time? Do we have the courage to not stand still. or does not having one lead to a chaotic life? Routine may be thought of as beneficial. if it becomes like a rut. for not having some changes very often. fixed. or stubbornness. how can we get out of it.Who Are You? Really! 12 Determination Or. for particular reasons it becomes a set pattern of certain movements. do we just hope it will and wait for it. or can they be both? What is the benefit of a routine in our lives. or do we do something concrete to make it come about? When we’ve thought about it and done things to make something happen. but it may also lead to becoming stuck. (Are we determined not to be happier? We can stay put as we are for the rest of our lives. we can say. what help do we need?) 14 Making it happen Goal-oriented movement or activity from thinking. Is that OK? Unwillingness to even consider change must be considered detrimental to leading a full life. who or what actually produced the result – did we achieve the result unaided. often. (If we want something particular to happen in our lives. Just to repeat and repeat! (Are routines good or bad. And how often should change be considered: once in a blue moon. a little like a bonsai tree that hardly grows because it isn’t given enough space to spread its roots. How is it possible to tell when one is stuck in repeating routines and. occasionally. insistence. to be open to change even when things are going alright.

where will this lead? Can this be called living a lie. are the results always the same. what would happen if we didn’t?) 16 For inner satisfaction Somehow it may look like unhappiness – no satisfaction outside. but internally we are unhappy.Stuart Rose always make things happen in the same way. if externally we appear to be happy. If the outer is strong but the inner weak. There is nothing wrong in making life more comfortable. we can improve our standard of living. if we do. upgrading little by little. maybe all of our lives are spent doing this. (Yes. sometimes to the detriment of our inner life. 41 . or do we normally try different ways for the same ends? Which way is better. which has some force and control. but does this improve just the physical side of our lives? Are we happier through our efforts? Many will have visited poorer countries where standards are much lower than ours. how can we become more content? Further. does it matter that we keep similar to others. one after the other. and can there ever be real satisfaction and happiness living in this way? If this is the case. (It seems important to maintain our outer appearance. and. but nevertheless found that the people were happier than us. to be similar like others. what can be done to shift the balance of positive effort from the outer life to the inner? Will changes need to take place? If so what needs to be done to give the inner greater strength and satisfaction? Can we risk weakening the outer life?) 17 Responsibility Feeling of responsibility. but how can we make our life happier. or on what does the answer depend?) 15 Improving the standard of living Through achievements. outer level – but there is a strong inner base or satisfaction.

likes and wants. (Do we allow ourselves the freedom to do and live how we want. who is it that chooses what to do. or facilities? Can these be prioritized from most responsible to least? And where does each of us fit into the list? Are we at the top. However. If we are free to do as we wish. each Pointer contains differences and links to the others which. once met with. or parents? Alternatively. invent or build our own conditions or does ‘someone’ else? If the answer is ‘not me’. activity or performance. or at the bottom? What responsibilities do we have for ourselves? How does each of the responsibilities we have influence (restricting or freeing) our lives? Is this voluntarily acceptable or forced?) 18 Allowance First to oneself. go towards building a comprehensive picture of ourselves.Who Are You? Really! along with some restrictions on movement. supply of provisions. so can we take this for granted and get on with the job of designing our lives? Yes or no? But if we didn’t create the 42 . then who creates the conditions whereupon the design of life evolves. is it one’s partner. is the responsibility we feel more materially based. or does it matter if the answer is known or not? The internal and external environments exist. which is asking us to think whether we are ever completely free?) 19 Conditions Internal or external environmental condition (any type of environment) which becomes the designer of ‘life design’! (We have a mind and a body. somewhere in the middle. to do in accordance with own wishes and will. but do we set. or is our life full of compromises? Do we value ourselves sufficiently to be able to fulfill our wishes or what is it that obstructs us? In previous Pointers. similar self-questioning has been raised and will again below. (Who are we primarily responsible for. for example. children. for our home.

it requires effort to 43 . the maxim above is helpful in bringing us to work harder at seeing ways to overcome our limitations.) 22 Discipline It creates the frame. to show. emotional. the reverse. and is there a pattern to this? As the pointer says. or a mixture of the variations. or are we capable but have no ability? Maybe we have both these skills. or where? We can make a list with ‘cans’ at the top and the ‘can’ts’ at the bottom. in what areas of life: practical. can we learn to become ambidextrous. we realize our limits. a freshwater fish cannot survive in salt water. and to do according to this guideline. Once this is seen. (Words from the past are heard clearly: there’s no such word as can’t! But some things just aren’t achievable. and a sea fish. Where are we most limited. In this analogy. is it possible to work at bringing some of the ‘can’ts’ towards the upper part of the list? Doing this. ‘sweetish and saltish’.Stuart Rose environment (for example this mind and body). it gives the shape. then how then can we successfully design the life? Puzzling. intellectual. In which situations do we have both. isn’t it!) 20 Ability. capability To swim in both types of water. and in which situations do we have either one or the other. and we know it. so to speak? Where can we get the strength and power from to do this? Do we have it within?) 21 Can and can’t Guideline for doing. that is we don’t know what it’s for. depending on the situation. after knowing one’s own limits. A fish cannot do this type of demonstration! (Are we able but have no capability. to demonstrate strength and power.

(Everything we do is for our personal gain in some form or other. (Discipline or self-control is natural for some. (The Pointer contains three slightly different approaches. it’s more difficult and here we say: ‘just one more cream cake. what needs to happen for complete surrender to take place? Is it possible to let the whole of the individual will go? What would this entail?) 24 To neglect. is it good. but at some point or points in our lives. bad or is there indifference? Do we get where or what we want without it. involved in some of the considerations about what to take into account when making a decision. then only is it possible to get and enjoy the result. half-hearted discipline. Do we select one of these three when making a decision that is difficult. and not to consider To achieve what is fixed and decided by one or more than one. do we say. to ignore. we tried the best we could’. but for others. ‘Oh well. or when we know the outcome is already decided or over which 44 . ‘I did it’? If so. to be ready to do as per the wish and will of others. it won’t do any harm’. we surrender and sacrifice – or perhaps more likely partially give up or compromise – our own desires to another’s benefit. that life doesn’t need it? What is the experience of purposely applying discipline to one’s life. or is it thought to be unnecessary and valueless. albeit on the same theme. Is this true? We may think we give everything in certain circumstances. It may be at any cost for certain and specific purposes or reasons. Is discipline thought to be beneficial and necessary. but isn’t it the case we always have the personal satisfaction that. to make it easier to move forward. And we suffer the consequences.Who Are You? Really! maintain for whatever it is. yes or no? Without it or with partial discipline. Is that satisfactory?) 23 Surrender To give up resistance.

or it may be that this search is for something we already have but don’t realize. Yet we can feel that it’s inappropriate to ask for help because we each have to live our own lives in our own way. or are we forced to use it to survive? In what type of situation can manipulation be ethically or morally correct? Now look in practice: do we use it. do we value the result of using it as much as we would by using a different. by any way. non-manipulative method? Is life all about getting it no matter what the cost for oneself or others?) 45 . and what others might say can be misleading. when do we use it. do we feel good. so to speak.Stuart Rose we have no influence? Or is this our normal way of getting through life. at any cost. How can we find this out? Or alternatively. without making the effort to fully consider all that we could?) 25 To remain ‘in search of’ Feeling of missing out of what others are having. (It’s easy to get stuck. just getting by with the minimum amount of input. is it nonessential. why are we valuing what we don’t have and have never thought of having until we see someone else with it? Is where we are in life where we want to be regardless of anyone else?) 26 Manipulation To have it. (Manipulation is an art perfected by some to achieve their goal. bad or indifferent about using it. requires this skill of manipulation. without breaking out of the mould. This sense of incompleteness may be correct. but how do we feel about it in theory? Is it a good or bad characteristic? Is it an essential quality to get successfully through life. how can it be possible to have it. to not be able to work out for oneself the way forward. to achieve it. that is only considering things from a limited or partial perspective.

how can we be sure that something is just or 46 . and to show that it’s easy and comfortable. so for some reason – perhaps because we might feel inadequate for certain tasks in life or in certain situations – we hide the inner truth and wear a perfect mask. showing that everything’s ticketiboo. but if there are no others. Better to suppress. how we think. what has to change?) 28 To complain To point out certain things for improvement. which in turn can be the motivation to change in such a way that there are no more complaints. To do immediately? (It is easy to think about justice for others. but do we complain about things inside. past experience (as a guide) gives the guidance. and to be a lawyer for that side. always successful. Difficulty in adjustment.) 29 To fight for justice To search. tipping the balance between what can be accepted and what cannot. where the weak side is. always comfortable! Is this how our life is? Normally it’s not. to locate where the injustice is. (If we complain we are unhappy about something. or what can we do to live fully in the truth. it’s easy. We can complain about lots of things outside with the purpose of making them more acceptable. (Life isn’t difficult. but how can we assess whether something is just or unjust for ourselves? How can we see the difference between the two objectively? Talking to others can help.Who Are You? Really! 27 Just to suppress For this. a piece of cake – it’s always happy. It’s rarely like this. with some reason and purpose behind. Is this the way we want our life to be. This is the way to contentment. what we have done – to whom can we address these complaints? Inner complaints must be self-criticisms. We live a lie and die without revealing or realizing the truth. and this unhappiness is quite strong. but our lives can be ones of continual suppression of the truth. such as the way we are.

If selfinjustice is left. what good are they? Can we throw them out as rubbish or re-build them with greater strengths or are we loathe to let them go. if we want. We have an instinct to survive and. if we find new evidence. in every aspect.) 31 To be a protector A ‘sense to protect’ the weak side. are they worth protecting.) 30 Feeling of fair To get disturbance from unfair behaviour. within this. to remain clean. and fair. Do we know our weaknesses well enough so that we can always be ready to support them. is the ability for selfprotection. if we just don’t like what we have decided.Stuart Rose unjust? We must become our own lawyer and weigh up the facts and feelings. to change the status quo?) 47 . clear and fair defends against all disturbances. protect them? But we must ask ourselves. the weak one. Throughout life. clear and fair. It’s the most substantial defence. even though we may also have weaknesses. (No matter what another person might unfairly do to you or say about you. so how do we achieve this? What needs to occur within us? Our strength will be found in always being clean. nothing is solved. appeal against our self-judgement? Yes. but no. the weaknesses and strengths. Can we then. or to crumple under its weight. for both sides of the ‘case’. responding at the same level simply prolongs the agony. or actions. life will never be settled. and then also be our own judge to give a fair and impartial ruling. results. Try to remain clean. or will it make no dent in our ‘armour’? Which is best? Solid levelness is the ideal state. (When we feel we are the protector it means that we feel strong or at least have some strength. clear. what value do our weaknesses have for us. What happens when we are attacked? What are the emotions that immediately rise up? Is it to ‘hit’ straight back.

not seriously. and just plain normal. sad. to consider others as children (like one’s own). hilarious. affections. consider others as our own. Who is the most needy of our love if it is not ourselves?) 33 ‘Spiritual behaviour’ and no seriousness In day-to-day life activity other than the spiritual field. busy. to keep. Does each of us have it. (Is there a separation or distinction between spiritual and day-today activity. anything or any matter related to life (don’t mind behaviour).) 48 . but much more selfvaluing. not just some or most women. just like life as a whole is many qualities at different times. to show. not all of the time. respectively). And these can be all ‘colours’: joyful. and caring to develop towards the needy. at least. Can we consider ourselves to be in some way our own mother.Who Are You? Really! 32 Mother instinct Allow emotions. It is not narcissistic. melancholic. the ‘deep’ truths about life. way of conducting our lives which doesn’t have to be sombre or serious. to suckle. male tendencies in a female. self-fulfilling. It’s an outlook. this is something entirely different. to be with ‘spiritual behaviour’. we can love ourselves. This self-love is vitally important to our growth. a specific way of being. thoughts and behaviour? Can we identify what is spiritual and what is not? Spiritual does not mean religious. too. peaceful. Spiritual behaviour can be like most other types of behaviour but with one important difference in that it understands. (Another protecting instinct is the mother instinct – the nurturing capability. teach ourselves. is in tune with. to promote the well-being of all. To take it is easy. and most importantly. having both the anima and animus? We can nurture ourselves. incorporates. but all people? Psychology talks of the anima and animus (female tendencies in a male.

it says ‘look out’ and then we can react to avoid or face the danger. there is no mirror What is there to consider. What is real about all these? Real has to be solid. it enables our survival. to perceive as what is not there. from this it’s easy to see fear is a roundabout spinning so fast that it’s impossible to get off. Until it is recognized. and as the ‘best companion’ it may need to be 49 . (What is real? To answer this we must first establish what is meant by the word ‘real’. What is this?) 35 Fear A basic instinct which becomes the controlling agent sometimes. or like a thought or a tree and even a person. since how long it is. it’s real enough straight from the fridge. manifests in many different ways connected and related with many various fields.Stuart Rose 34 Reflection is Real. it is safer to stay aboard. change being too risky? If so. wants to be. activities. the center for all. in which way it is. but a few minutes later it has melted and is no more. happy. How much of our lives is governed by fear. and what does this result in? Is fear deeply imbedded thereby ensuring that we never contemplate change. dependent on the existence of the mirror? What is real is that which has no reflection. What is Real in life? Is everything that we think as real a misconception? Is our reality merely a reflection and fleeting. why it is. in its own form. and systems. Fear is both beneficial and detrimental. functions. free from fear. It is difficult to know how it is inside. Real spelled with a capital ‘R’ infers it may not mean what one immediately thinks. it is all the time more like a best companion with one! (What is it we are frightened of? The answer to this can be: things and people which threaten our well-being in some way. Real means permanent and unchanging as opposed to real which is temporary – like an ice cream. and to perceive what is not there as if it is there? To be clean. Everyone tries to be. Fear is our protection. realized where it is. and the center of all.

not on facts and figures.Who Are You? Really! relegated. In fact. and just in case something happens to something for which there isn’t an alternative. Knowledge has its opposite in ignorance. the mundane? How is it that things occur to us seemingly out of the blue? Wisdom is different because it’s not based on worldly matters. (This is obvious. or is there something else? Are we ruled by what is measurable. to collect. after that. put more in perspective. for verification of the knowledge. to keep some alternatives ready. by certain tools.) 36 Proof and evidence This is the source of real knowledge. for worldly matter. to store. and vice versa. perhaps. is wisdom always true. planet. to develop with that and in that 50 . knowledge cannot exist without ignorance. country. what has not to be! To establish oneness. Is life completely comprised of knowledge and ignorance. to grow. then what to do? So. what are we going to do?) 38 To identify with that. means. or ideal? Sounds funny. doesn’t it? There is very little of importance that we can have alternatives for. Knowledge and ignorance refer to worldly matters. (It’s important to fully understand the meaning of words we use. body. home. to keep. proof and evidence is needed to establish factual knowledge. always reliable?) 37 To have ‘alternatives’ Just in case of. but can we be certain that wisdom exists? If it does. methods. parameters. child. maybe. but are we ever caught napping without something up our sleeves to protect us? Where or when might we never need to have something in reserve saved up for a rainy day or blue moon? Can we have an alternative to ourselves? Can we have an alternative partner. better to have. mother or father. to facts and figures and the like.

Why do we make things appear unreal. in a smooth way. so we add color. to add some more spices. suffocating. After that inseparable. making it impossible or very difficult to let go? Our lives fill with attachments. (The food is too plain. the room is too dull. to make it tasty. we need to establish what is real in our lives and where we have superimposed something to camouflage it. about which other words can give this ‘that’ some characteristics or features which we might recognize or have an inkling of. What is it in our lives which cannot be described. Can there be something other than ‘that’? If ‘that’ is oneness. Is there anything real about us?) 40 Tendency to hold. or does something else need to occur? What is one?) 39 Superimposition Instead of perceiving as it is. and it feels nice and comfortable some times. life is too ordinary. so we invent stories to make it exciting. We can start with ourselves. but at others it feels claustrophobic. what is the matter with reality? As in the previous Pointers. What is real about us? After answering this. (Do we know when to let go of things. we can then approach the second part of the Pointer to discover what has not to be when there is ‘that’. just to put some suitable colour. to hold it in a loose way. or which we can relate to in some way. What makes us hang on to things and people and ideas? Is it fear: fear of being left alone. what can be other than one? Can we grow and develop in oneness. for the time being! (To understand this Pointer we must know what is meant by ‘that’. for which words are useless? And once we have worked this out. then we can look to see how and why we have superimposed the color/spicy/tasty attributes.Stuart Rose established oneness. so we add seasoning. ‘That’ is a word which identifies that which cannot be identified. fixation ‘Fix in a second’. or do we get too attached (superglued). what it is. fear of 51 . to make it appear different from what it actually is.

or however this might be described. it means not in one’s normal everyday consciousness. it’s more an understanding. to see what else is there. Then. too. but once put to one side. to preserve. as if clearing a steamed up room. There is no danger in doing this. Most likely it will be the truth of our inner being. how to go about preserving it? If we are preserving plums. and freedom. (What is it that we want most to preserve? Make a list in ascending order and see what’s top. that’s not possible. How much can be let go? Can everything go?) 41 To be with that which is not there This means to be with that absence of a particular or specific presence. To change our attitude to holding essentially means letting go. it might even not be someone closest to us. Then we put them somewhere out of sight in an environment most conducive to their longevity. joyfulness. without the machinations of the normal mind there is peace. to keep. This doesn’t mean getting completely rid of the normal self. for example. but 52 . everything used to store them will be scrupulously clean.Who Are You? Really! not having enough. And many people chew imaginary chewing gum! To reach this state we have to clear all our normal ways of being. so to speak. to eat like chewing gum! (How is it possible to be with something which isn’t there? When it is said that it isn’t there. We can imagine in advance of this exercise what is our most valuable. that we would most wish to preserve. The ‘seeing’ is not visual. we take great care to clean them thoroughly and cook them fully as the menu dictates. to store inside.) 42 Preservation At a deeper and deeper level. We have met with a similar conundrum above. and it won’t be in any way material. but it doesn’t mean it is not there at all. on the contrary. fear of oneself? The middle way is to use a weaker glue so making it easier to dispense with the unwanted fetters. Then there is clarity.

levels of liking. for example. or liking (or even disliking). But does it end there? Is this network floating around on its own in space. These levels might be looked upon as separate ‘bits’ which go to make up the whole individual. or to a new life. and to be happy with a new start each time. almost unendingly. we may have noticed that its contents could be classified into different levels – levels of importance. and we can ask. or moving to a new home. we can be happy because otherwise we would be eternally unhappy. value. So. (In the previous Pointer. (Is this the story of our lives? Is this satisfactory? Why does it happen? Perhaps everything in our lives is incomplete. so to speak. is life itself complete or is it always unfinished? Some people believe there are more lives to live after we die. Whichever is the case.) 43 Different levels Connections and inter-connections to these levels. it’s changing a brand of soap.Stuart Rose also somewhere that their ‘health’ can be monitored. This highlights the idea that we are comprised of a multitude of levels each with a particular importance. which means that whether. levels of value. with the truth of our inner being. creating an unbreakable network. when making our list. too. but it will also be apparent that there is a ‘glue’ holding them all together. or is it attached to something else? How many connections to this something else can be established?) 44 To start and not to finish But to start again and again. we can never know the answer to whether something is complete or not. We can easily accept the idea of never finishing. Or is everything simply one continuum?) 53 . but this also begs the question whether there is ever a start to things. just like an unbreakable network.

which keeps life full of distractions from its real purpose.Who Are You? Really! 45 Dissatisfaction To use as a motor to move. And we can have many attempts. much to finish and end. a wish It becomes a dream. at any cost! Enjoyment of finishing gives the feeling of Happy Ending! Many starts. What for? What do we really gain from this activity. right here. there is. and this wisdom automatically dispels dissatisfaction. from the truth of it all? Time-pass. Does it give much happiness? (Similar to above Pointer but what is meant by ‘happy’? What is the difference between ‘happy’ and ‘satisfied’. if it exists in the future. that life is finite (although many nearing the end are glad life’s nearly over). or is there one? Yes. with grace and blessings. What can we do about this fact of life? Absolutely nothing is the answer. is the answer. more about who we are. a hope. mother of creativity – that’s why it’s better to remain. Is this true? Does happiness always have to be in the future? What about having it now because. even at living this life with happiness – there’s time enough to work towards a happiness. Yet being dissatisfied can be turned into the motivation to discover more about life. with effort and support. to be dissatisfied. and a wish that it may be. it can turn it into something completely fulfilling. to keep. an expectation.) 54 . by any way. it must also exist right now. but can we ever be satisfied if we are dissatisfied? The outcome of anything can never be assured which is why we hope and wish for the outcome we want. it should be.) 46 Happy Ending. We can be happily dissatisfied. We try to satisfy smaller dissatisfactions and these activities turn life into a seesaw. (What’s really wrong with how we are? The ultimate dissatisfaction might be that we have to die. swinging from one to the other and back again.

perhaps. to work in such a way. engaged in such a way that.Stuart Rose 47 Not to finish. to close. to maintain a list of work to finish. from clean-clear to chaos! This is the progressive growth or development which gives challenges all the time to be inside. crying. the force to finish. or stopped. unfinished. sleeping. To have or to take advantage of ‘kept it open’. to be with it. moving. laughing. to finish. breathing. and ‘chaos’ is not giving any disturbance. to be busy. instead of starting one. To keep. but of that which will never be finished. finished. and we might add talking. the next one is completed. to close. from one side to the other. Not to have satisfaction from one’s own work is sufficient enough to stop. to complete. drinking. closed. to finish. to close. seemingly out of nowhere. thinking. to close. Diverting the wish. to find out. After some period. what will happen? Why is it necessary to close. 55 . What is it that we cannot stop? First is. to stop. To programme. urinating. to complete. with keeping one work or commitment after starting in an unfinished state! It may be a thesis or any type of work!! (Life is always comprised of doing something and this doing can never be stopped. and to manage it later on. to complete the other one.) 48 From simple to complex. How much is ‘enough’ is difficult to judge. The list of things to do rarely ends because no sooner than certain things are complete new ones surface. to stop. if that stops. to finish. but there are other things we cannot stop doing. to complete? Let it remain open. to stop. The list can include: eating. everything stops. and more too. to complete. to stop. not complete things. the ‘complex’ does not remain as difficult. Preference to do the work after starting the other one. to keep it open After finishing. Make a list of things which we do (not things which happen automatically such as growing and heart beating). because. defecating.

The mind is not complicated. It’s so easy to fall from the clean-clear original into the chaos of confusion. because the original self is nowhere other than right here. we need to find our original selves. to where there is complexity and chaos (at any level) – there it is possible to be! It gives the feeling of comfort through its familiarity. but clouds obscure the sun. The way out of the muddle is not to re-trace our steps. (How is it possible to get back to where we started from. where it is not. for the beginner to start any new thing or activity. during progressive growth or development.Who Are You? Really! (Simple is too simple for our liking. The work is to clear away the diffusion. Difficult is ‘opposite of this opposite’! So. super-complexity and best chaos! Sign of perfect growth. What causes all this? The answer is simple. in fact we like to remain bound. not to re-live the past. clean and clear where it is. so easy was difficult Each time. but it can also be complex if we allow it – it is the mind. right now. gives irritation and force to move opposite to it. Can the mind be controlled or are we completely at the mercy of its games? Who’s in charge?) 49 Not to be there. We have spent our lifetime consciously creating distractions and diversions and now. development. and to be there. after deciding to change. just look inside – analogously it is daylight. so we make it complex by turning it into an impossible ‘knot’ and we cannot find the ends of the string to unravel it.) 50 Each time difficult becomes easy. seems a most difficult 56 . yet we know it’s shining because of the light. and how will we find out where that is? These two important questions can form the basis of changing the lifestyle. but we allow it to become so through our personalities or egos which delight in misunderstanding and enjoy creating disturbance. Don’t take our word for this. where it is! Simplicity.

work. to be oneself. That takes courage: ‘what if I stumble and fall. it looks like ‘to jump 57 . This means that the first step is the hardest and subsequent steps become easier and easier.. Once the new becomes familiar. waiting.) 52 Boring and monotonous should not be This is a parameter to start something new. job. learning to drive a car. and things must be sold to survive. etc. so it’s not even started. Now it becomes more and more easy. everything that is required will be found ready. It’s how and why advertising works! Boring doesn’t sell.) 51 Challenge and excitement Now. neither giving excitement. the greatest force. for more excitement and a new challenge. difficulties become less and less. or work. What changing the lifestyle entails is stepping off the roundabout of how we currently are while it’s still moving. ‘to get a kick’. better to start some new activity.Stuart Rose task. to drive a car. It can be done. it needs constant stimulation of the new and then it happily follows the diversion. learning to know who we are. who will be there? Who do we want to be there? Who is always there to help and guide us? That’s the first step. So the first step needs the greatest motivation. So the close becomes more and more! (This is how the mind works. so better to avoid this and to continue with the old one. What is it that will give us the necessary strength? Is there a helping hand? Look within. as it doesn’t remain as challenging. Remember how it was when making the first attempt to ride a bicycle. it seems an impossible task. (It’s the same with learning to ride a bicycle. who’s going to be there to pick me up?’ Well. to read. learning to bake a cake. the excitement. also becomes less and less. its ‘challenging portion’ also becomes less and less. game. At the start of thinking about changing the lifestyle. and the result. It’s a self-perpetuating circle. project. the greatest persuasion. to swim.

once it becomes familiar it becomes old.Who Are You? Really! out of the line of growth and development’. to avoid interference of others. Decisions that are made might appear spontaneous. fearing being left out of the crowd but also fearing standing out from the crowd. but first. but to have a skill to do 58 . and from those which were not. does not remain new. and we get sucked into the game. and we have already made up our mind before their exposure to the world. In deciding to change the lifestyle. not to remain behind. But the mind is devious. We can learn from looking at how we made changes in the past that were successful. or still). action’ Pre-calculated but not to disclose so early. and the multitude of variations on this theme. but they are often the result of considerable reflection. Who has caught us? We have caught ourselves and are our own jailors. that’s why ‘last minute decision’.) 54 Not to be second. and for many other reasons. deliberations need not be hurried. to put pressure on others. to surprise others. New is new at many levels. video. as a fresh one. It keeps us busy with trivia. fearing boredom and monotony. Do we dare?) 53 It looks like ‘a last minute decision. or in glamour Better to be in front of the camera (movie. not to be behind. him a new toy for the office. even what gives us the greatest pleasure becomes the same old routine. on top. but there aren’t any locks on the doors. we must be confident the change decided upon is the right one. Spontaneous decisions can be unwise. ‘knee-jerk’ reactions. (Life is normally boring and monotonous. (Often it’s better not to talk to people about one’s thinking because some of the ideas might not be fully thought through. not on what it doesn’t know: it buys her a new perfume. we can just walk out and be free. look at what it does to keep our attention focussed on what it knows. We’re caught. and are easily regretted.

there is only ever one lifestyle. Each of us is the star of our lives. We don’t get to be first without some effort. to succeed. no-one but ourselves can live it. we must always be first. and we play this ‘game’ all of the time. which means that to be second can never be acceptable. But on the inside we can decide to take control.) 56 Copy. superior than others Utilizing skill and efficiency. to be in control. there are countless examples. We are always in competition because it is our instinct to survive. without rehearsal. before they grab it. without self drive. They say. It carries the 59 . and here we can find happiness without relation to anything or anyone else.Stuart Rose something from behind! (Second is never good enough. Whether we are happy or sad is not completely in our control because outside forces fluctuate and our emotions ‘bend’ accordingly. some input – a movie star doesn’t suddenly become a success overnight without an acting skill. to make the other automatically inferior. it must be lived. so that they feel themselves inferior. This is what has to be on the outside. so it is up to us whether our ‘movie’ is a smash hit or whether it’s a forgotten dream. to be better. to get what others don’t have. However. ‘why aren’t you happy?’ Because the neighbor is happy! (There is no possibility of opting out of life. either to give the feeling to others. but there is always the feeling left behind that things could and should have been better.) 55 To remain in competition. or to move. and it may have to be accepted sometimes because of outside influences. imitation Photocopy is more original than the original. to live at a higher standard than the other. We know this is so because it is experienced at moments of deep concentration when doing something or making something.

doing. words. It’s easy. we have it. in fact it’s normality that we follow what others are doing. to have greater awareness of our thoughts. or performance. (This is the easy way out of living life to the fullest as we have talked about above. If we are not fully conscious in what we do. it may be a wrong action.) 57 Just to do. but ‘photocopy’ hasn’t the sense to do any correction. We can get all through life in this way – it’s a ‘breeze’ because we don’t have to actually do or think or decide anything of importance for ourselves. ‘responsibility oriented’.Who Are You? Really! mistake in a perfect way because it is a perfect photocopy. and we don’t want to be a photocopy of everyone else. and deeds. what they’re wearing. And this is the ‘sloppy’ way many of us carry on through life.) 58 To learn from a mistake and not to know about correction! Learning from a mistake is only possible when the correction is 60 . what they’re seeing. as was said earlier. otherwise our deeds. We want to take control. but it is not. looks like mechanical behaviour. without getting the idea that it can be. and so what! The way out of this situation involves a change from being asleep to ourselves to being alert to what we are doing all of the time. less care and less awareness Duty-bound behaviour. It does matter to us how we live our lives. (The herding instinct is not just in nature. it is just done with less care and less awareness. and it passes. Is this what we want? Is it any matter to anyone else how each of us lives the life? Of course it isn’t because everybody is fully occupied living their lives. Awareness has to be of all three together. actually are simply mechanical. and so forth. too. living how we’re ‘sold’ to live. for example. then whatever we do is bound to be done half-heartedly thereby automatically reaping the reward of being insufficiently satisfying.

different timescales. First. what to do for that was not asked by the person? (Let’s play a game! With a pen and paper. but what needs evaluating? What part of one’s life? With some parts we are content and other parts not so – is evaluation just for the not-so-good parts? The answer to this is that every part is in some way linked with the other parts and it’s impossible to clearly separate them. Repetition of the same mistake shows that learning has not taken place. write down in the first column as many mistakes that have been made in life that can be remembered. second? There is no second. and from the third column assess whether the rectification was successful.) 59 To evaluate in a different way Necessary to do this because. (Evaluation is necessary. after evaluation. which means that the results of the work will affect all parts. ‘what to do’ and ‘what not to do’ when it is not clear that the doing will not be better than that of others. and in the third column write down what had been done to rectify or otherwise correct the mistake. if we look deeply at all the links we will find a common denominator to every part. does it mean that correction has been done? No! Then. but are there any essentially the same? From the second column make a self-assessment of what was done with the acknowledgement of the mistake. Now we can analyse the three lists. write down whether the mistake was acknowledged. right place. in the second column. Are there any straight repeats of a mistake listed in the first column. they may have different scenarios. To notice the mistake. and it is this which can be evaluated in a different way. Now contemplate the findings.Stuart Rose done at the right time. both big ones and small ones. Then. what was learned from the mistake. However.) 61 . the common denominator needs to be found and.

on which we can stay ahead.) 61 To improve the method of collecting and preserving information To keep a position. Collection and preservation of this information requires some skill and efficiency. and to manage own movement as if not calculated! Looks like spontaneity! (This Pointer is all about whether to share or not. about the right life skills? What are the life skills which are most important? What sort of information are we lacking and how do we go about obtaining it? We need to know these things not only to survive but to succeed. (Have we learned enough about life skills. without exception. unpredictable. is that nothing can truly and accurately be shared. for any specific purpose. If we try to share our thoughts and feelings. This means that any attempt at sharing could put one at a severe disadvantage with the other. This does not mean we have to play a mystery game with the other and have no meaningful communication. ‘we’ve either got it or we haven’t’ – we’ve all got some special skill.Who Are You? Really! 60 While doing own calculation. which we have alluded to above. and it is better to refrain. and the person with whom the attempt is made will have different ways of interpreting what we say. How do we go about learning the particular information we can best utilize for our advancement? We have to be canny although not devious or underhanded. have our wits constantly about us to secure that ‘edge’ which will give us the value on which we can capitalize. to remain incalculable. to do any activity. One’s experience is all there is. The simple answer. requires some necessary information. to maintain a chair or place. it means to live one’s own life.) 62 . we will not be able to give a completely clear picture. There is the saying. and only reveal what is necessary at the right time. to remain out of calculation of others This is also important.

it’s a little like teasing out various strands in order to be able to approach groups or individual strands more fully. and use of it for many different purposes in the best way. or unite and rule To have control over movements. which in turn means that certain decisions must be made: what is the change we want to make at the moment.) 63 Divide and rule. Uniting. they are methods we can use to enable what needs to be done. Courage may be needed to complete this successfully. This means that dividing and uniting are not necessarily opposites. Knowing more about ‘where’ we want to be is a significant help to getting there – a little like learning about the sky to become an astronomer. to have greater impact and influence. effect. two methods exist: divide and rule. any change only involves ourselves. is bringing together disparate strands which may help to give us greater impact or strength. or any system.) 63 . sale of information. both may be needed – something may need breaking apart and cementing back together in a new order. (Divide is not necessarily negative. or use both methods in a suitable way for specific purposes. the alternative way.Stuart Rose 62 To use this information in the best way Exchange of information. or unite and rule. Once the direction of change is established it will be possible to search out specific information to that field. or function. one person. Also. In deciding to change the lifestyle it is obviously important to find out more about the life we want to lead. to have or to achieve any type of result. (How we lead our lives is based on what we know. what does it involve? Needless to say. to better suit what we want. no other individual is immediately involved – others may or may not be affected later.

spontaneously. Planning the change to one’s lifestyle is imperative. perhaps even backfire. we are not talking about punishing oneself. or without due consideration. change to the lifestyle will be made from the wrong position and is bound to fail. why should we wish to punish anyone ourselves. Someone has done harm and we want to ‘hit’ that person back just when and where it hurts most. an occasion. our negativity. just to catch and press the weak point. to make it big or small and to achieve what was expected. more positive way. what was decided. to take revenge To remain holding it up to that time. If it’s not perfect. but every word and movement is choreographed down to the finest detail well in advance. (This Pointer is all about premeditated punishment and its timing. we won’t enjoy it so much.) 65 To teach a lesson. isn’t it? The play looks so fluid and natural when seen on the TV or at a theatre. for a chance or event.Who Are You? Really! 64 To wait for a chance to make a big or small show! Just to ‘wait and watch’ carefully. the question arises. to deal with the situation? If our life contains anger and hate. what was planned and programmed. to lie low until the time is right! They know when the iron is hot that it is the right time to strike.) 64 . so we store up our vengeance. It’s something which shouldn’t be taken lightly. although sometimes things just don’t go according to plan for all kinds of reasons – life’s like that. However. This is why we are going into every aspect of what it may entail to help assure its success. with full patience and tolerance. (Changing one’s lifestyle can be a major step or a series of smaller ones depending on which route is chosen. that is assuming the law will meet out its own punishment for unlawful actions? Is there another. In this instance. and let it fester until the appropriate time to pour the poison on just the right spot.

regardless of any attention given to it. then the motivation is wrong and no real happiness will be produced by it. But we have to weigh up whether to seek other’s help or not – we have already spoken about keeping our ideas close to our chest. we decide against what advice was offered. while the other is hidden.Stuart Rose 66 Hidden agenda An agenda to show and discuss openly is one. There is nothing sinister implied here. planned and expected. in search of No To do or not to do according to the yes and no of others what was decided. Both of these ways can be for all sorts of reasons but are primarily for one’s own success.) 65 .) 67 In search of Yes. as self-harm could also occur by being too open. (Sometimes we seek and abide by the advice of others and sometimes. so to speak. if our cards are shown to the other players they will see what the plans are and act accordingly to make sure our plans don’t succeed. after receiving it. which is following the open one. seeking views of others can be worthwhile. Sometimes we may not realize the views of others nor what effect certain actions under consideration may have. just to show and give importance according to their sayings or advice. Nevertheless. there is no desire to hurt. (When playing the game of whist. The same with life. because the game of life needs to be a friendly one where the objective is to be happy. From the other’s point of view. but at other times it is better to keep them to oneself. but that theirs do. sometimes it is beneficial to let others know one’s thoughts and plans. it may be beneficial for them to feel included in our thinking processes and not left out in the cold. If the method chosen to achieve this makes someone else unhappy.

Others should not know what for. even one’s own inner thoughts.) 70 To keep secret. although some of the results of our games can be unexpected. why all these methods are being used. (Similarly to the previous Pointer. The reason for the game can be examined in terms of the effect such actions may have. to say opposite Not to do with the expectation of others. and they can backfire! A game without a purpose cannot be so called and is more like an accident or faux pas.) 69 To find out Out of the many methods to find examples to take an opposite stand. The relationship. (Relationships at any level are full of games and popular psychology has many books on the subject – the variety of games which can be played is enormous.Who Are You? Really! 68 To do opposite. To find out what we need does not mean that who has the information needs to know why we want it. have their own agenda. Without this knowledge we are in danger of acting on false premises. with fear. to keep close All the things. to do the opposite with or without any purpose. to speak. just to say. secrecy is vital as premature exposure of our intentions may 66 . which means that the action is likely to fail or at least not produce the desired results. to do. Such games are rarely idle entertainment. Some are downright evil in intention while some are just pure fun. treated as secret! (Again. too. contentment and happiness that are required. If we tell them. or to say. must be successful to provide the satisfaction. for example who will it be helpful to or who will it harm. to ask the opposite. and some are deeply loving. we might be in danger of receiving only what the other wishes us to know because they. we need to be aware of what is occurring at all times. Mostly they all are purposeful and premeditated. all the time.

or to subtly attack.Stuart Rose adversely effect what we are trying to achieve. do we try to pull the wool over our own eyes. (Everyone has vulnerable points but we keep them well hidden less someone uses them for their own benefit. in our relationships we can talk but say nothing. If our intention is to be devious. is it to hide our 67 . If this is done then we will have all the strength required to live life to the fullest even though we also have weaknesses. Do we do this to ourselves when we’re stuck on a problem. to be one step ahead. Secrecy isn’t trying to be devious. (For fun and play. face. or to be caught off-guard. can be a strength. and so need not necessarily require defending. paradoxically. not ours.) 72 To answer in a way which is not an answer Sometimes to maintain prestige. then it’s the wrong way to create positive strength. and status. and it is better to be in control of our participation and actions. Relationships are complex. than to wait and be at the mercy of input by others. What to protect? Why protect? But know very well the reason behind the protection. it will only end up in some way negative. so to speak. it’s trying to maintain stability. or for defence. to be a constant reminder that ‘things’ can go horribly wrong without defence. Fear is involved because it will heighten our awareness of the need for secrecy. Weakness. our strengths and weaknesses.) 71 To protect the weak and the weak point Protector is stronger. to avoid having to do the work to find the right answer? Either way in our play. We may also know some weak points of others and may wish either not to use them for our benefit or wish to defend them against some more unscrupulous others. an endearing charm. respond but deflect or astound. to thwart our plans. The answer to this Pointer is that we need to know ourselves completely. this type of answer is given.

this tactic can be used from a position of strength.) 74 Watching outside. it is a knowledge which has to be used for achievement and fulfilment. always in a state of flux. we have the choice of using our senses and intellect to stay active in the world. The alternative choice is to use the faculty or ability to turn inwards. driven by the ego. but is there something else? This and that relate to worldly things. to live a wholly worldly oriented life. Why? Because this and that are always separate. but they cannot be attained through worldly things because worldly things can never be fully complete. This seems to be the easy choice which most of us make. but we will miss out on the other way as two ways cannot be followed at the same time.Who Are You? Really! ignorance or our weakness that we appear inscrutable? This question is similar to that which was raised in the previous Pointer about the importance of knowing oneself fully. but not knowing why it’s being done. (This is this and that is that and never the twain will meet. seeing outside. We can go one way. Mixture to do. Achievement and fulfilment are what is highly desired. not weakness. chaos. (Continuing this theme. by individuality and separation. A search is required to find completion and this can never be resolved by going outward into worldly matters.) 73 To achieve that. towards being aware of our beingness itself. one has to go inward. Words are not particularly helpful here which is why this way 68 . to ignore this. and we will be able to recognize more easily how others use the same tactic. to where there is wholeness. outside or inside? It’s a choice. observing outside. is the result. to look towards the centre of our being. Preference is together. to differences. to neglect this ‘This’ and ‘that’ can’t go together. but it is the least fulfilling. alert inside! Where to be. once we start to know ourselves. aware inside! Attention inside. Confusion. then both will mix. to separation.

Which power do we have. wisdom. what is meant can refer to inside and outside. from outside’ means the mind is both our friend and enemy. ego driven. Some wise folk have called this the sleep state – seemingly awake but. in reality. or impersonal power. and is this what we want? And how can the change from one to the other be brought about? Trying to establish this may create insecurity because change is usually unwanted. it is our only hope to reach inside of ourselves. and many of us don’t make the effort. Best to stay comfortable in the warmth by the TV. ‘Without putting in’ means that within is already completely full and perfect. unbound power. either direct or indirect. through squeezing. inner power. ‘to bring it out. whereas the deep sleep state is when we are fully awake (without the encumbrance of the ego or individuality).Stuart Rose looks difficult. We all have it.) 75 Without putting in. Knowledge needed is not of the world. may be any one. outer power. what is required is intuitive knowledge. technique. in an acceptable way. method. where the power is Does it mean it is a changing attitude? Is it inner knowledge that power can protect? Fear of insecurity! (Where is the power? Have we lost it? Have we ever had it? What is the power being referred to here? It’s obviously better to be where power is because we can feel safer. through squeezing! From outside! To get it. to bring it out. and worldly. it is unsettling. but it needs waking up.) 69 . which side are we on? By sides. and power to personal power. (About waking up. sound asleep. Where we stand is outside because our normal state is ego oriented. looks impenetrable. but beware of traps it will set against this!) 76 To be on that side. relative power. This Pointer talks of sides.

what does it indicate? To know. to listen. most often the stronger one is an opponent because there is separation – the other’s power may threaten one’s own power. We can bow to greater power. reason is not the same all of the time. immediately As a result of this recognition. so it’s worth the effort and can become natural. or it may be immanent and wholly 70 . helpful or unhelpful. in front of different people. whether they are stronger or weaker. Will controlling ourselves curtail spontaneity? Awareness isn’t control!) 78 To recognize the stronger and more powerful other one. to recognize the movement. or adjustment. opponent. Is it not indicating ‘the tail between the legs’? (By knowing oneself more fully it is easier to make correct judgements about others. the preparation starts immediately for giving up. Is this too laborious? Being more fully aware of what’s going on within can lead to a more fulfilled life. to obey.Who Are You? Really! 77 Indicator is the ‘tail of the dog’: tail moving. Using different words. the power that is found there is not threatening because it can be no-one else’s power than one’s own. This means being aware of what’s going on in our lives (in our minds) at all times. These signs often occur autonomously so care has to be taken to see what is being felt inside and to ensure we don’t give too much away about what we are feeling to others. tail inbetween the legs. such as a gleam in the eyes. opposite one. that is what we don’t want them to know. this power may be transcendental and out of reach. However. But what or who is always the stronger one? Does the stronger one always have to be an opponent? Looking outside at the world. etc. to accept. It’s a nature which manifests in different ways. (We show tell-tale signs of how we feel which other people can interpret. looking within. a danger or friendly. or particular body movements and stances. better to watch the tail’s position and its movement. the intention. or surrender.

to the power which makes each body. If all power is not the individual’s what does this mean? It means that we can relax – no more struggling to survive. one can come to the conclusion that an individual’s power is puny in comparison. even a blade of grass and a thought. Is it the same power?) 79 Same way to recognize the less strong and less powerful. 80 to 112. no more trying to buck life’s trend – we can realize we are part of a play. There are no individual commentaries to these final Pointers. are all about mixtures and relationships. that is going inward. fish. that is projecting outward. it will be possible to see where change may have occurred or where it may need to be introduced or made. In both cases there is activity. where to play is possible As a result of this recognition. or tree. to the power of nature. say. Each of these Pointers can be seen as shallow and deep – the shallow may be clear to see. that there is a script which we don’t write ourselves. (The power which is less strong can be perceived as the individual’s power. Oh what fun!) The following final thirty-two Pointers. ii) Player’s play. no more fighting for an individual place. iii) Allowance to play from two sides. When power is thought about. the ‘player within’ wakes up to play and enjoy.Stuart Rose within reach. second in terms establishing who one is. which we simply act out. Nos. and each needs to be looked at both from outside going inward and from inside going outward: by comparing one’s responses on these two directions. i) 71 . from both of them A childish question coming from the child/adult is that. but the deep may need to be illuminated. 80 Mixture of: i) Expectation. The mixtures each need to be looked at from two directions: first in terms of relationships with others.

so better to know which activity requires care and which is possible to neglect and ignore. or I will play with you. to wait and watch is the option. it remains for someone who can understand and do.Who Are You? Really! Nobody plays with me. What has to be cared for that is neglected? If possible to neglect. Interest for i). but it is also possible to do it without interest! How much interest should be enough. How much is enough? Better to know! For not to be selfish. and to be ready for a ‘third’ one to do! 83 Mixture of: i) Job. all activities are not possible to do. ii) Negligence. Again. do for others. even with interest. how much neglect will be 72 . less. iii) Home activity. ii) Nobody allows me to play with them! Or either you play with me. so. ii). Both. iii) Doing for oneself. doing from others is not the same color! So. or changing! Any type of activity requires interest. management or it can be a mismanagement! Simultaneously to do two different things at two places. that is done with more care. doing for oneself remains pending. 81 Mixture of: i) Doing for others. but not at a deep level. Again. ii) Personal activity or private. 82 Mixture of: i) Doing at one place. activity. in which activity? Better to know! 84 Mixture of: i) Care. can give disappointment while playing at a superficial level. together. ii) Doing something at another place. and iii) can be more. ii) Doing from others.

Attention. to react. ii) listener. not to behave. but not somewhere else. criticism. with any impulse. I will not do any of this i. Both are speaking at the same time on the telephone. try to avoid the clash between the two flows or movement as is i) speaking. When to be giver? When to be receiver? And when not to be any one of them. less. awareness. and both stop to give a chance to the 73 . or to do at the same time i + ii. 86 Mixture of: i) more and more. requires more. When and whom to say what should be clear. iii) ‘without’ and at the same time with. There are two types of flow or movement. This does not mean that no-one has to play. iii) No. ii) listening. and concentration for any activity or doing.Stuart Rose enough? Better to know. ii) receiver. ii) receiver is receiving. comments. or can play the role of passive observer! To control. 88 Mixture of: i) speaker. 87 Mixture of: i) giver. ii) To remain passive at the time and to be an active observer in a silent way. or equal. i) giver is giving. to talk. etc. ii.. ‘on and off’ of any of the flow of movements is required for satisfaction. or both of them. ii) less and less. Better to learn to sit quietly and listen! Opinions. 85 Mixture of: i) Habit to participate actively in group discussion. Now. suggestions. are necessary to exchange or to bring out in open discussion. Again. for something else.

so the telephone company can earn! 89 Mixture of: i) demand. isn’t it? 74 . ii) supply. etc. ii) no control. What has not to be controlled is under control. Better to recognize who is telling. iv) no demand. and to be ready for any result or consequence. then keeping quiet. iii) without demandsupply. no supply. less important. Habit to treat ‘VVIP’ and ‘VIP’. What is serious and what is not serious. so that it is possible to say: i) you have not given to me. knowingly not to demand. ii) to obey and to do. iii) just to listen and not obey. better to know. What is not. is out of control! 91 Mixture of: i) important. 92 Mixture of: i) to listen. and not important. is old. and what has to be controlled. not to do.Who Are You? Really! other. again both starting to speak at the same time. Better to know and differentiate. ii) don’t mind. that is ‘free’ from control. 90 Mixture of: i) control. iii) not important. 93 Mixture of: i) to give importance. it becomes very important. ii) less important. now more demand and less supply! Knowingly not to supply. speaking to whom. we have no idea about simple important. maybe it’s a joke. ii) you have not asked me for that! Value becomes less when it is supplied or given without demand.

When to be what? Just to live spiritually. iii) in different proportions or equal proportions. ‘To use’ is all the time. what is to be prevented. is otherwise. middle has to be maintained. abuse. ii) not to avoid. 75 . avoid. or proper use.Stuart Rose 94 Mixture of to take: i) everything seriously. ii) everything lightly. iv) proper use. and inside behavior should not be outside. To know and act accordingly. inside and outside: outside behavior should not be inside. Extremes have to be reduced and made less. 97 Mixture of: i) to avoid. Effort is made to prevent. avoided. When to be serious and when not to be. 96 Mixture of: i) use. to prevent. 98 Mixture of: i) spiritual. ii) middle. Two types of behavior. ii) material. Many times effort is made not to misuse. not to prevent. It can be misuse. ii) misuse. 95 Mixture of: i) extreme. 99 Mixture of: i) inside behavior. ii) outside behavior. this does not mean becoming or having a materialist approach. not to abuse. when and where is not required. and outside as inside behavior. but for proper use! Better to know how to use properly. iii) abuse. iii) inside as outside. better to know and act accordingly.

Who Are You? Really!

100 Mixture of: i) private, personal, ii) public, iii) public item becomes private and private treated as public!
What is going to be public is not going to remain private. When to make personal public, better to know.

101 Mixture of: i) giving up, ii) holding.
Actually, the tendency to hold should not be developed. When to give up what should be clear, as should to be in readiness for it at the right time and place.

102 Mixture of: i) freedom to decide, ii) fear of decision. To be or not to be, to do or not to do.
Both are necessary and important, better to know the best use of the situation in a proper way.

103 Mixture of: i) to be responsible, ii) to give the responsibility and to allow others, iii) to give up the responsibility.
Either to be fully responsible or not at all means not ready to share the responsibility in a proper way, because of fear of losing!

104 To select, or to pick up, or to choose, or to pull out, the fitting to own material or things as a result. Disturbance either inside or outside.
During the time of discussion or talking with each other, the person plays the role of a listener and, at a certain point, interrupts the ongoing discussion or talk by becoming the speaker or communicator of own feelings. This happens because some points fitted perfectly to own lifestyle or habits!

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105 To ‘take over’ from the half and to finish without starting!
Just wait and watch for the starting of any matter or activity and, once it is started, half way through to take possession and finish it, or complete it in own way. This means, one starts and the other finishes or completes.

106 To see ‘the post’ or ‘the chair’ and the person separately. As a result of this, able to give respect, honor, and acceptance to the person easily.
Some people are able to see this type of difference in one. This means that a person is not going to remain the same all the time, a person changes, and ‘the post’ or ‘the chair’ on which the person is sitting or is ‘having’ will remain all the time. In this way, the person gives respect, honour, and acceptance to own superior! And is able to maintain a good relation, a healthy relation, with boss or superior.

107 Not to see separately, but as one. The result of this is not being able to respect, honor, and accept.
Some people belong to this category, and, very often, mix up certain things or matters in the wrong way. As a result, they lose the chance to be a little wiser and to improve their own wrong behavior. So, naturally, they experience disturbance in and outside.

108 To give the gift, but for that someone else has to pay! Management play! To get the credit or point through making the other pay out of their own pocket!
To ask someone to buy something and then give that thing to a person to whom the name is suggested by the person who has
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Who Are You? Really!

asked. That person has to purchase and pay for the thing, but the ‘giver of the gift’ is the person who asked for it to be bought.

109 Management of ‘expenses’! or expense management.
Today, in MBA or in similar careers, people manage the flow of income and expenses. Very few go further, the next step, that is the expense-flow to manage, in creating a ‘proper mixture’ of the expenses of others and of one’s own, of company or office, and of own or private.

110 Proper use of power, less to spend the money, more to use the material! Attitude to save more, but what? Don’t know.
Skill and efficiency in using power shows the expenditure of money is less, means saving is more, and utilization of material is more and more.

111 What is mine is mine, but what is yours is also mine, or we can share it!
Ready to share with others that which belongs to the other! Mine is not possible to share because it is given or provided by the other, so it is not possible to share!

112 To get it done, through giving any suitable reason or name, or cause.
Why is it done? Normally they ask, which is clever, but sometimes shrewd and cunning; gives the suitable and convincing answer through providing proper reason, or cause, etc.

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Moving on to the next chapter needs to be undertaken only when it is the right time. and the first three chapters as a whole.Stuart Rose This is now a stopping Place. a place for review and deep thought over what has been said in these Pointers to a brighter lifestyle. 79 .

this way of thinking about him. Second. and the physical age of the body. For example. We are 80 . youth. they are unavoidable. we can look at the twentieth century as an example of period: in Britain. when mostly everyone took washing machines for granted. primarily. jetted around the world at will. What all this tells us is that. maturity. or by none at all.Who Are You? Really! Chapter Four Time to change? A person’s lifestyle is naturally related to age: both the period in which they were born. and the older (the so-called gray) generation. with regard to changes in the physical age of the body. Something else can occur ‘internally’ regardless of what’s going on outside. And again. The change of a person manifests inside – the way a person lives their life – in a unique and special way. from ‘external’ time-bound factors. and any historical period. change can be precipitated by any one or all events. such as moral ‘stiffness’ and hard labor – they were difficult times compared to the end of the century. each period of these brings its own types of lifestyle. but not exclusively. and morality had become more ‘flexible’. middle age. Through both of these time-bound influences. to the material side of life. these have been of similar characteristics throughout history: childhood. about this wallpaper). about her. It is obvious to say that lifestyles during this. These traditional lifestyle changes to a person’s age are both material and psychological. what is it that triggers the thought that ‘I’m feeling this’ (‘this’ being any number of things: this friendship. many changes take place. the beginning was strongly influenced by Victorian and Edwardian characteristics. First. would reflect huge changes. a mobile phone. owned more than one television.

may have no trust in themselves. What we can say is that change occurs in time. and that there is a timing for change. perhaps they are the lucky ones. again and again. Change does not seem to be particularly instigated or influenced by any thing or combination of things. which draw attention. but have commonalities in that we live in the same way. Some people. It might be thought that dissatisfaction is the prime mover. We can see that this predicament depends on several factors. Even after coming to know that change is needed and that its time has come. and yet others live like ostriches with their heads deeply buried in the sand of avoidance. or be too fearful to proceed. some people may not have the confidence to enact it. while some realize change is due. a major upheaval. Many others live in ‘blissful’ ignorance of the necessity. This makes it possible to distinguish and differentiate each thought and idea through special features which catch the ‘eye’. one group. but a modification may be big or small. mixed purpose 81 . but they are knowingly not ready for it and avoid it. They just don’t know what to do. one purpose Decisions of others. to observe. mixed group. but the most satisfied person can change without losing the satisfaction. Nothing in life is ever certain! The why’s and wherefore’s of change A complete change is a big step. which attracts us to look. what is best. but more than this we cannot say.Stuart Rose all different from each other. don’t have these problems and difficulties to overcome. which include: Own decisions and actions Fear of decisions Not our own decisions Decisions of others. and we all continue to change. to see.

Failure can be beneficial as it can make us realize what an idiot we might have been. How can I know all this? Very often people first turn to their doctor to advise them on changing their lifestyle. of this we can be sure. and we think they might have some useful knowledge to give. Is it more clever to be outside. For a better life in the future – which is the sole objective of changing one’s lifestyle – what is there to do? One of the first questions which needs to be asked. have different proportions of decisions that need to be taken. the side we choose not to show will be inside. what will be left inside? What is inside will eventually come to the outside in one form or another – it will manifest. improper. engaging themselves in one activity after another so as to be able to complete an ideal change or modification to their lifestyle. that the other side of cleverness exists in us. Why do we feel the need to get help from the outside and not from within our very selves? Some people have not yet realized ‘when to do what’. And we can laugh at it. but they seem sincere and busy. It’s good to know. Why not? When do we show which side of ourselves to the outside? Automatically.Who Are You? Really! Proper. Why is this? Maybe it’s because some rate highly the lifestyle of particular others. is: How can I get to know about my own present lifestyle? And then: How can I bring about change – positive change – to it? I also need to know when to accept the help of others. They might think of themselves as clever to be able to do this. So. wrong decisions. or changes and modifications to an existing one. they might not even be aware of what they are doing! Sometimes we try to do too much at once and get both success and failure at the same time. and these require the person to have sufficient knowledge and information available. what 82 . alternatively. (and which we have met in Chapter One). and. if so. such as doctors. finally. The formation of a new lifestyle. to realize. who see a lot of life. right. and when not.

our idiotic side. After listening to advice or drawing inspiration from all quarters about the change we want to make. but the most important question has been answered: that is. why should I change my lifestyle? Once this question has been answered. On this. We are convinced that changing is the right thing to do. how then to bring about this change inside? We are not planning a cosmetic change – we are not planning just to rearrange the same furniture in the same room. to do with growing. it forms the solid foundation. Many questions remain. Isn’t that so? And it gives us the opportunity to develop our cleverness inside.Stuart Rose does come to the outside? The most likely answer to this is that it’s our stupidity. which will come to the outside. to ‘fleshing out’ what needs to be done. which will help and contribute to its formation. Whose script is it? It’s a fact that each and every one of us. A ‘mistake’ is not an error. without exception. initiative. creation. has a life script. Our decisions play a vital role in the formation of the new or modified lifestyle. and many other points and pictures are available. all else can be built. Perhaps who writes the script is less important at this juncture than coming to a realization that a script of our life exists. a real-life story of ‘me’. but every time we do it. from the inside. as the leading character in a play. to do with becoming much more happy. 83 . but to create something much more valuable. the OK. If we can see life in this way. We get another chance through making each mistake. We can discuss until the cows come home whether this script is written as the story unfolds and that the different scenes in the script are of our own making – our own invention. not just once. production – or whether it is written prior to each scene’s performance by some higher source. it’s the only way we can learn. so to speak.

and provide one with a clarity and objectivity with which these heartsearching questions can be approached. are all included in the word writer)? The question again is: do we each write our own scripts – develop all the plots and subplots – or does ‘someone’ else? If someone else writes our scripts.Who Are You? Really! it will help us to be able also to stand at a little distance from the ‘star of the show’ and see her or him outside of the spotlight of the performance role. set-builder. A few sentences earlier. This process can be seen as a purification. but less! We just have to clear away some of the more nicebut-useless parts of our lives in order to make this special time available. we can ask: who is the writer (producer. we can easily accept the allied idea of being able to edit the script. casting agency. Continuing with the idea of a script. One problem! Again. we find ourselves with not more. other players. as can be imagined. and so forth. Fun can be had with the script by playing with the characters and scenes – not changing it out of all proportions – but by moving things around so that one can come to a much more realistic understanding of what actually happened: was it what one thought happened. we will be able to walk ahead in a much stronger position (role). or events? With this ‘new’ or realized knowledge. all this self-analysis will take time. than before. Without time for ourselves we cannot proceed. the question of life scripts was raised. or does this playing reveal new insights both about oneself. could throw a 84 . but also to come to a deeper understanding of the past in terms of ‘how did I get to where I am’. as we have described. who is it. designed to give us more time that. and this can be realized in different directions: for present activities. and we already have no time in this dizzying world where we have so much equipment. out of the limelight so to speak. sound engineer. and what is our relationship with ‘them’? Answering this question. more importantly. director. technology. more self-confident and sure. and on and on.

the I-ness or my-ness. here the ego comes into play because if the challenge is met and we are successful. perhaps greater riches of one sort or another. On the other side. then we can say. but first things first – life is a fluid progression of events (even though individual events may not be or feel so fluid in themselves) – and we need to accept that later we may well decide to change the direction of our lifestyle again. ‘Play safe’ it usually cries out. ‘don’t risk. does not see or understand the benefits of making this or that change. It can also involve greater humility. its outcome could radically change the lifestyle. Yes. so to speak. not willing to let go easily. This means that the ego is on the defence. The objective of most change is towards betterment. And a challenge such as this can involve excitement. although change is unsettling. towards greater happiness. End of story. not to blame. anticipation. not possible to change. That’s life! Risks and challenges … and timing All change is unsettling. the show must go on. an opportunity for growth. it involves risk in terms of fear of loss because some of what one already is must be discarded to make way for the new. then I’m not responsible for it. ‘don’t do it. we will return to it. otherwise this or that bad thing will happen’. plays a most significant role. Engaging with further discussion of it now is out of place at this point of our subject and. Again. and maybe this causes us to get stuck in the mud of indecision. stretching of our capabilities. Not so. don’t lose what you have’. it is also a challenge. Whether we decide that we are simply a player in a much greater story or the writer of one’s own story. If it’s not me writing the script. ‘I have avoided the 85 . the ego. As we are seeing in many areas of our look at lifestyle. not sure what to do.Stuart Rose mighty big spanner into the works of looking to change or modify the lifestyle. On one side. as it is such a large question.

we may not have to risk and face all the fear and anxiety and we may not need to extend ourselves. these in turn depend on many factors. Younger people live at a much faster speed than do the older – in the fast lane with fast cars. The middle way entails a thoughtful approach to change (like the one described above). been too slow off the mark. will be discordant. fuddy-duddy! It’s always been this way. staid clothes. is what was done too late. Nevertheless. in order to make a worthwhile change to the lifestyle. And with regard to timing. or the opposite. as opposed to the slow lane. only the degrees of speed have changed which is. I am clever!’ There is a natural lead in from the question of accepting a risk or a challenge to the question of timing. unadventurous. The actor or singer. or has one not looked before leaping. a balanced speed with which everything can be handled with composure. and where the outcome is always (well. this middle way need not be middle of the road. a moderate way. too early. where all is always in balance. out of date computers. 86 . Has our action been ‘played’ too soon. in reality. the challenge always within our capabilities. which is a considered way. older cars. meaningless to the risks or challenges themselves. must always perform at exactly the right time otherwise the play or song won’t make sense. half asleep to how one is. there is also a middle way where a much more measured approach is taken towards any change which has been found is necessary to make – no rush. for example. There is a ‘middle way’. fast everything. has one ‘missed the boat’. and will not be applauded. which is boring. too spontaneously. but no sleeping either. The risk here is minimal and acceptable. a gentle way. to be challenged.Who Are You? Really! risk and gained. Yet this is not an ‘either or’ situation. fast food. stuck. I have won the game. mostly) assured. or was the timing just right? Looking at the timing of risk or challenges.

Is it or could it be found in the relationship with one’s children? No. the game one wants to play. but without losing sight of the actions which are desired to take. although it may partially be there. otherwise one wouldn’t be reading this. there is always something missing. without fire or torpor. Where is the goal We have said what the goal is. The middle way is where all the anticipated obstacles and dangers. which we know will be enjoyed much more with the right equipment. Where the timing is set just right. The middle way is equilibrium and equanimity. Now we must ask ourselves more questions to narrow down the area of our search in order to complete the list. and so forth. Is it or could it be found in the relationship with a partner? No. but it isn’t like this all of the time: it can be exasper87 . but also neither a saunter. still a little risky. It is happiness. or at least have some commonalities. It’s never under our compete control. That it has not yet been found means it cannot be found in the present lifestyle. where one has measured out what can realistically be achieved and added a bit more to stretch the achievement. boots. not making change a race. possible prizes and winning. Having children can be a wonderful and joyful experience. just as in what has to be completed before a long journey or a long walk. clothing. So where can it be found? We can take it that there isn’t enough of it. and they end in compromise: happiness can be there some of the time but is always dependent on ‘outside’ factors. where room is left for mistakes and correction. it may have been or is there in the beginning.Stuart Rose one in which considered preparation is vital. but the ‘gloss’ wears off in all relationships. have been thought through thus making the passage to change as safe as possible yet still challenging. The questions ‘where is it’ and ‘what is it’ are a little similar. It may be there some of the time but not all.

a drudge. if it is so wished. Some may never have ‘enjoyed’ a partnership with another person. in fact. The question to ask is a simple one. all relationships can stay in place. This ‘place’. Where in a life can one have total control? Cutting across many other examples of where in the life one has searched for – or built the framework for – happiness to occur. The nub of the whole matter revolves around each of us and our search for a ‘secret garden’. once it is established what the new lifestyle will be. there will be no real change. nor had children. wherein only we can tread. and very much more. The question is. that in asking it one can reach the very ultimate. on the contrary. but nevertheless are likely to have had meaningful relationships where there has been a search for happiness. It is so deep. What we are implying here is not that one needs to exclude all people in the change to a new lifestyle. We are rarely in control. Control is an important factor in both of these examples.Who Are You? Really! ating. the answer must be where no other person is involved. miserable. leaving an emptiness. will only be found within. but probably also some relief. This summation has to be faced if there is to be any chance of finding full happiness. otherwise changing the lifestyle will be just shifting the existing furniture around. wherein only we can have influence. but one that has hidden depths. and where external influences – even life’s worse ‘gifts’ – will not touch us. as people each have their own ‘agenda’. as we described earlier. therefore. and then they leave home to find their own way in life. Who am I? 88 . flatness. too.

when we have come to know ourselves as fully as we think we can in the way outlined earlier. If this chapter is started out of idle curiosity. both in style and content. and we are content with this. we are looking towards the ‘best’ lifestyle direction that could possibly be taken. the reason for this will become apparent. there is no need read any further. What is meant by ‘more to life than just the physical and mental’? There might be heard a groan from some readers who have ‘jumped the gun’ and immediately imagined something along the lines of. ‘Oh no. believing strongly and fully that this (the physical and mental) is all there is. because from here onwards. I’ve heard it all before. The word ‘best’ is emotive. The purpose in the remainder of this book is to establish that there is something more than the physical and mental to our 89 . close this book and turn to read something else. switch off. but closing this book now with this thought would be out of ignorance. If we are perfectly happy with how things are. What is now to be talked about represents a marked change to how we have talked in the foregoing pages. pack up. and go home!’ Well. in the deliberation. we have come to the conclusion that there is more to life than just the physical and mental body that has been described. or give up. do so if it is wished. it is the wrong reason: return to carry through the work stipulated from the beginning again. The only reason to read on is because.Stuart Rose Chapter Five Transition … and the Prize The start to moving into Chapter Five needs to be undertaken when ready. we’re going into some religious mumbo-jumbo.

it is of no concern to what we will say here whether a belief in. it is the most desirable state. This is the sublime truth of life. that the greatest happiness exists and can be found. the reason to change – the prize – is simply: greatest happiness. or know in theory. ‘happiness’ is a word everyone knows something about. also to establish that this something is not dependent on the existence of some particular religious idea or the other. What better reason could there be to make change worthwhile? It’s very easy to say ‘greatest happiness’ and move on to the next words without working out what might be meant. There is a disadvantage straight away because ‘greatest happiness’ cannot be described in words and. Not so! The answer. What we will say approaches undeniable truths without attacking or otherwise destroying any religious idea – it is not our intention to be in conflict. If in the end. Greatest happiness is a rarefied experience. 90 . so it suits our purposes to use it here. it is found that the ideas which ‘rule one’s life’ prove to be unreal. or affiliation to. The reason that they settle for less is because although they might intuitively know. any religious idea is held. However. What is more. they don’t know how to find it. why bother to upset it all. as one way is just the same as another. a change or modification to the lifestyle can be made in whichever way it is seen fit. To live a false life thinking it to be a really real one is the height of blindness or ignorance! We have said that many people find it is comfortable to live this way: no need to change anything. but it is our intention to bring to life these truths in order that. ‘happiness’ may not be the most accurate word to use. and so it will be a natural transition to make a change. it means that the life which has been lived so far has been based on false premises. the greatest ‘prize’ that life can bestow. everything’s just OK as it is.Who Are You? Really! lives. if it is required. indeed. that everyone has experienced at least to some degree. yet many people settle for less and become moderately happy (with its concomitant moderate unhappiness).

and fear of death and dying – out of which all our miseries come. to give room for happiness to flourish. One thing can be definitely said: this happiness exists. it cannot be found by any form of imbibing through any sense organ. what has happened is that it has become obscured by living the life described in the previous chapters. it is not ‘pie in the sky’. and then a new pleasure has to be sought. but the universal characteristic of these pleasures is that they start and finish: with each pleasure there always comes loss and end. that it has its ups and downs and we have to enjoy the ups and bear the weight of the downs. be overcome. attachment. relationships always end – there is no end to the list. Yes. This. In fact. sorrow. that life isn’t all that bad. life does have its pleasures. which 91 . that human life is a misery. it is nothing new. Yes. it is not a high price: it is giving up the acceptance we always make of misery.Stuart Rose One way to approach trying to establish what cannot be established in words is to say what this happiness isn’t. but for always. Does this sound too good to be true? There has to be a catch somewhere. liking and disliking. again. Iness. All this rules out practically everything in our lives! What it doesn’t rule out is each one of us. and death are painful. is blindness and ignorance. growth. and suffering. and our own experiences bear testimony to the fact. what is owned deteriorates and is lost. and suffering. Not just once. Sages have been telling us for centuries. The greatest happiness cannot be found in a relationship with another person. Each and every time. a price to be paid. A taste of greatest happiness can already be savored simply by the thought of it! Greatest happiness is an end to misery. and all these must reduce and disappear. sorrow. there is a price to be paid. and it is available to all without exception. but in comparison. Joy is what knowledge of this happiness brings. It is known that there are five human afflictions – ignorance. Some may say that this is an overstatement. it is full of sorrow and suffering – birth.

whom I want to share the experience with? And how can I be this happy while others aren’t? We have mentioned the fact that it is only me who can live my life. Adoption of this truth into our lives will have no less than a transforming effect. which itself is beautifully simple yet. remaining unnoticed. If the greatest happiness can only be experienced by me. in any case. has not been described in a way that can be clearly understood. all else emerges. it cannot be stopped. as we have said. The truth we will talk about is not a new truth. and neither me theirs. where is it and how do I reach it and enjoy it? The answer to this will be talked about in the following pages. There is one truth which is all-encompassing. not an unknown truth. the sole prize. It is our intention to portray this truth in such a clear and understandable way that deployment of it into our lives will be straightforward and natural. but sometimes the obvious passes us by. not a secret truth. but one thing has to be said here concerning the notion of selfishness. From this one truth. This might seem an obvious thing to say. This means that the idea of selfishness in this context is unfounded – if I can’t live my life to the full. in fact not just full but to the fullest of full – then a wonderful life is possible to be had. Sometimes this truth has mystified.Who Are You? Really! means that the greatest happiness – the sublime truth – can only be found within the individual. If ‘I’ have it. no-one else can get much more than an inkling of what my life is. More will be said about this happiness as we proceed – it is the sole objective. what’s the point of living it? This also means that greatest happiness implies living life to the full. it’s automatic. spread to others. And a ‘bonus’ is that this happiness will. nothing else will do. 92 . what about those that are dear to me. is not so easy to fully understand because of its simplicity.

They’re all active.Stuart Rose Chapter Six We are tantalizingly close. one might say. intellect. and I-ness. go home. memory. If we consider other examples. This is essential preparation for what is to come. even complicated and confused perhaps) than we ever thought – is there no end to the depths of me that can be found? To go some way to answering this question we must move in what may appear to be a sideways shift. waves of thoughts. and in previous chapters we have identified the mind with its four basic parts: senses. ‘I’m sick of this navel gazing and want to get to the nub of the matter as soon as it is possible’. In fact. but on certain very still days the sea’s 93 . as will become clear. It might be said that we have done all the ‘looking’ as far as it can be done. The analogy of the tree is just one example. while stronger wind makes it bend. but the activities rise and fall just like waves – waves of water. By now we have found our life to be much more multi-faceted (complex. In all minds everywhere. but in fact isn’t. and it involves a further look into ‘Who I am’. The sea nearly always has waves. What we want to do is look directly at what is going on in the mind right now. but there has to be a pause once more. Just watching a tree will demonstrate what is meant. sometimes almost to breaking point before it might swing back. The answer will usually be ‘lots of things’. stay there. waves of wind flow. What are these lots of things? That’s the point. It’s no wonder that few people make it to the prize. Some trees are uprooted because of this force. switch on the television. and this is what we’ll look at. pack up. we will discover the same phenomenon. Is the tree ever still? The gentlest breeze rustles its leaves. there are lots of goings on. To do what? To move onto the next life event without significant and lasting impact being made here? What a waste of time! Again.

dreamless sleep are we at our quietest. anger. Waves of sensations such as heat and cold.Who Are You? Really! surface is like a mirror. desires. Emotions such as love. pain. liking and disliking. so what creates wind? The 94 . our minds? It’s the same. Does this mean that there is an interconnectivity between all waves no matter what type. we breathe – there may be no thoughts. but it’s plain to see that wind is an influence. The sea is always moving with currents. or a finger. nevertheless and paradoxically. toaster. in the world. but life (waves) continues. Incessantly. but they are all powered by one energy: electricity (which also comes in waves). with waves to match in size from a gentle swell to a tsunami. lights. refrigerator. eddies and so forth. hunger. Everything comes in waves in our lives. decelerate. and so forth – all different forms of movement. Whether it’s a tree moving. a thought. Perhaps only in the dead of night in deep. but the heart continues beating. Not a ripple disturbs it (just like at the still of night when there is no breeze and the tree is silent). what’s involved. Even in the inanimate such as a car. our most still. all at different speeds. radio. seemingly being born and dying but. What needs to occur. and the rest. ‘Is there a difference’? Are all the waves simply different manifestations (forms and varieties) of the same energy? Another analogy may help to provide a way to find an answer. washing machine. seeing. Movement. to create a wave in the sea? We’re no oceanographers. the engine will accelerate. Waves of motion and commotion occur ceaselessly throughout the gross world. In the kitchen there are many appliances – food mixer. or idle. hearing. a car. they all have one thing in common: nothing is still for long in life. And what occurs in the subtle world. never ending? Am ‘I’ like this? Let’s look a little closer. cross-currents. Or is this the case? We can ask. ‘What is the difference in the varieties of movement’? In response another question surfaces. that they are all manifestations of one energy of which there are variable ebbs and flows.

originally. which means that we can presume energy exists always in space. to ‘play’ with. Hold a finger over a lighted candle and the thought will very soon arise to withdraw the hand fast! There are countless examples. do we have to go that far back? The answer is yes. and no physical evidence to show otherwise. And because in space is the entire universe. But how can this relate to the waves of energy which seem to drive this body – its muscles and thoughts? First. and no because one doesn’t operate successfully (or at all) without the other. Golly. that the same phenomenon pervades the entire Universe. The answer to the question seems to be no. Can there be two distinct waves of energy involved or just one? Is the mind distinct from the physical? The answer seems to be both yes and no: yes because there is a tangible difference between the mind and the physical. All this means that the sea’s waves are created by an energy which is not bound to Planet Earth. and there’s no reason not to suppose. muscles are a part of the body. Can energy be explained further? We can look into the ins and outs of various energies ad infinitum. at least not 95 . Second. too. but this is unlikely to tell anything new about energy itself. and further back through the generations to where we come to understand clearly that these waves have no beginning or end. made. too. that it is throughout space. by the meeting of a spermatozoa and egg in the mother’s womb.Stuart Rose answer is mostly heating and cooling by the sun. energy cannot be explained further. so space enables energy to be throughout the universe. what about waves of thoughts? Our experience tells us clearly that there is an intimate connection between thoughts and physical activity. Gravitational pull by the moon. which is a complex machine. although individually they do begin and end (just as the waves in the sea rise and fall). plays a big part in wave ‘production’. Energy cannot exist nowhere (such a ‘place’ cannot exist) as it needs particles to manifest itself.

No response was given at that time. we are looking for an answer to the question: Who am I? Is there an answer to this question? To proceed. The source or origin or driving force of energy may well be found in our normal everyday experience because there seems to be a strong link between energy and what we call consciousness. Now we have seen more about the nature of energy. if achieved. 96 . but this state. it is the objective of Yoga). and that the Universe will always involve movement of one sort or another. We have identified the mind is comprised of four ‘parts’. sages tell us of not noticing thoughts. not becoming attached to them. will never cease. one of many dual events or two aspects of a single event? A question was asked earlier in this chapter whether anything was still for long in life. Is this the same with subtle forms? The answer to this is to question whether it is possible to stop the waves of thoughts which constantly flow in and through the mind.Who Are You? Really! in communicable words. We know through our experience that both energy and consciousness exist. such as for someone in a coma. we must put aside thoughts of physical movement for the time being because it’s plain to see that the world is unlikely ever to stop rotating (or tilting) as it does in three directions all the time. the senses. we can consider this more. may only be temporary. We can ask: are they two or one. Whether measurable brain activity. are thoughts or not cannot be definitely assumed. we need to look at what is being asked clearly. that which enlivens our thoughts. In the move to a new lifestyle. Rather. and introduced a possible link with consciousness. and it is certain that ‘I’ cannot be the first three. where they exist. intellect. thereby preventing their normal multiplication. which of course is saying that gross forms of energy. but such evidence as there is about normal brain activity tells us that thoughts are unlikely to be completely stopped for any long periods of time. To answer this. we know much more about energy than consciousness (at least we think we do!). and memory. Ancient wisdom tells us that it is possible (for example.

‘I’ is actually doing something. To do nothing is to start to accept that the ‘I’ is no longer what one thought it was. The ‘I’ must let go. our doership. Yet we are left with the ‘I’ intact. Oddly this decision is not an easy one to make. an inconsequential. or second we can accept the illusion. it must be the imperial ‘I’ that is doing the asking. but it’s pure fiction – captivatingly so. where and who is this I? Is there an answer? Already this is the wrong approach. What are the alternatives? There has to be a way forward in which the life is not dominated by this pervasive ‘I’. Energy is just energy. yet ever-so self-important. there must be something else that is me. It is energy which provides the impetus for all our activities.Stuart Rose These are simply tools. I am the boss. if anywhere. left where we started out. in reality. it’s just energy. that the ‘I’ would have to let go of the ‘I’. it’s not a personal energy. and the ego assumes ownership of it just the same as an invading force takes control of a country: finders keepers. Is the solution to do nothing? Getting closer. it provides the ‘wave-power’ for such thoughts. I did all this. full of I-ness! What to do? This ‘I’ is a flibbertigibbet. something special. It is the ‘I’ which must ask the question and seek liberation from the ego. What we have established so far is that. So again we must ask the question: What. ever-so busy. Now. illusion – it actually has no reality – and we are deluded by it into thinking I am something substantial. the ego. if successful. I-ness. which isn’t me 97 . this ‘I’ cannot be and do what it thinks it does. And if this is the case. because if an answer is sought. yet seemingly important. the lack of substance. Am I really? And what has this to do with the energy we have been talking about. It is not this apparently powerful personality. where the solution must lie. We get carried away by the story. But of what? Of itself? This would mean. as real and stay in ignorance. it feels so real. I am the doer. for the thought that this inconsequential. It is the fourth part. two options: first something can be done about it. not my energy.

At least I think this is the case. We are looking for the prize.Who Are You? Really! (isn’t this personality). so to speak! Because ‘I’ (for want of another word) am not nothing: this entity of body and mind exists. the world and Universe exist. for the moment. 98 . We have seen as much of what we thought was me as we can.

One ONE. In this chapter we describe this truth. in this case. When I empty away my thoughts as much as I can and 99 . I have only one body and only one mind. This One is not God. but it is one with a depth which is not completely fathomable. When I think about myself. but what we will talk about is no bitter pill.Chapter Seven Truth Finding the truth about ourselves must be the most important activity in our lives: without truth there is only untruth. not fully happy. what is this One. living an unstable lifestyle. it can be a great release from the bondage of ignorance. a revelation about ‘who I am’. but One has no parts. We have said that it is a simple truth. The Universe itself is in One. On the contrary. All is part of One. and what has the prize we have spoken about to do with it? We must unravel this puzzle. So. Truth is sometimes hard to swallow. living with incomplete knowledge about themselves. an ending of the anxiety of not knowing and. A simple little word. What is so special about One? The answer is that everything in the Universe is in One. and the reason why will become apparent as we proceed. There is nothing but One. I am not more than one. and this is because they find the truth unpalatable and prefer to remain in ignorance. although the way my thoughts are may make it sometimes seem as if it is more than one! Each person is exactly the same. Can we live our lives not knowing the truth of who we really are? Most people do. I think of just one person. it is beyond any such notions.

the essential me: the first is that I exist. as: ‘I cannot know anything which doesn’t have existence’. Everywhere has existence. shape. and the second is that I am aware that I exist. One simply is. the same energy.Who Are You? Really! become very quiet. using different words to say the same thing to make this as clear as possible. therefore. In the first place. yet they also have one thing in common: the fact that they all exist. this can also be voiced the other way around to again make it as clear as possible. I am left with the experience of two characteristics that comprise the ‘root’ of me. It is apparent. that these two findings (we can also call them ‘being’ and ‘awareness’). Even for something not to exist. What are the ramifications of this two-in-one situation? 100 . are One together. no direct thoughts can be had about it. and there are no words that we can use to describe it (which means that its indescribability can only be talked about indirectly): it is ineffable. in size. cannot ever be two separate characteristics. and ‘I am conscious of the fact that I am’. Again. it is nonsensical to say that existence doesn’t exist. the experience is: ‘I am’. every person is exactly the same. We have also said that existence and consciousness. or that there are some places or things which do not exist. Now. or colour). which has to mean that all things which exist have the same consciousness. but are necessarily two characteristics of the same thing: One. Everything has existence. we can say that all things have differences (for example. it is not of any particular shape. its non-existence has to exist in the first place! Existence is a single quality as it is plain to see and experience: we all have it otherwise we wouldn’t exist! To put this in another way and to go one step further. or energy. When I think further about these two characteristics. We found this in the previous chapter. This One has no name. We can look a little more deeply at this apparent conundrum regarding One. This conclusion can be voiced sensibly as: ‘I cannot exist unless I know that I do’. Now. I find that I am left with the conclusion that these two are not separate.

manifest or unmanifest – because. Mount Everest. which is either enlivened or latent – in other words. physical. and this experience ‘happens’ to us all of the time. consciousness is of different variations on the one theme. this must also mean that all insentient things have the same existence and consciousness/energy as well. and all variations. It is our normality. and so we should be able to get to understand it completely. This includes the kitchen table. there cannot be existence without existence. And we’re not just talking of the material. we have talked about two characteristics of the One. and whatever else might be beyond the far reaches of space. Is this far-fetched. actual or potential. and existence always exists with consciousness/energy. To know existence and consciousness. without a break. this means my thoughts (and dreams. and words cannot convey the true experience of what something is actually like. as we have said. Taking a third step. and visible things either. Principally. too) must have existence and consciousness/energy like everything else. it means that all sentient beings (animals. have the same characteristic. Existence and consciousness are just words. but this is not the case. so to speak. to 101 . as me. or that only humans have consciousness. microbes) have the same existence and consciousness/energy as people. So far. fish. they have to be experienced. some sort of science fiction? How can the kitchen table have consciousness like me? The answer is that we may have imagined all consciousness is the same as human consciousness.Stuart Rose Taking our analysis another step further. at base. the planets and stars. as completely and in the same way as we know the taste of the mango. Can one describe the taste of a mango in words? No. but there is a final third characteristic which we mentioned earlier as the prize which can be brought into the lifestyle. All through Nature.

we can experience nothing other than the taste of the mango. Of course. and this is in just the same way that. the path is one of total renunciation of the 102 . as we described in an earlier chapter. it is the utmost happiness that life can bring. wives. when we concentrate. Bliss is the ‘prize’ of life. This third ‘part’ is total and absolute – greatest – happiness. already there for the taking. there is the experience of complete and ‘oceanic’ happiness. Realizing One Whether we know it or not. Yet to ‘experience’ it does not mean that all of the rest of our lives need be forsaken – husbands. possessions. the path is ‘soaked’ in earthly pleasures. only the experience of existence and consciousness remains. with the other person in a relationship).Who Are You? Really! make it complete. not beyond what we can do – it is already in our grasp. and all the rest that is decided to keep can stay. Bliss is the experience of unalloyed existence and consciousness/energy. which is a wholly subjective ‘experience’. because there is no object in the happiness (which is usually the case as. no afflictions. this happiness is frequently referred to as bliss. people have different ideas of what One is. and therefore no sorrow or misery. a totally new lifestyle! This new lifestyle is not unachievable. On the one extreme. And because there is no disturbance (no thoughts). the current lifestyle. for example. and all people spend all of their lives in their attempt. on the other. by putting all daily events and other distractions to one side. ever. it is everybody’s ambition and dream to realize One. How does this come about? By putting worldly thoughts in abeyance. In fact. and so follow different ‘paths’. It exists fully all of the time but can get completely ‘obscured’ by all of life’s zillions of distractions. What needs to occur is a totally new way of approaching how we live our lives. yet all such paths tread in a single direction. children. if we have a little courage and self-determination. There is nothing better.

There are as many paths and means to this prize as there are people. History is sprinkled with them. and don’t realize greatest 103 . but there are notable exceptions of people ‘rescued’ from their happy obscurity. or are satisfied with something they know to be second best. and many are satisfied with this as they either mistake the mundane for greatest happiness. Nothing has to be given up to experience greatest happiness. but the single direction all follow (mostly somewhere in the middle between the two extremes) is towards that of greatest happiness.Stuart Rose earthly pleasures. but we can see that on the path soaked wholly in earthly pleasures (together with their inescapable miseries) achievement of greatest happiness is impossible to get. consciousness. The ‘reward’ for these people is mundane happiness. and in all people. Renunciation is a very ‘loaded’ word echoing of ‘sackcloth and ashes’ and a hard life. Logic has it that there is no such thing as realization. or so stuck in our present lifestyle. so to speak. Something else is entailed. but we become so ‘lost’. It is not possible to estimate how many people reach fulfilment of their ambition. One (existence. unless it is desired to be so. standing apart from our society will not guarantee that our ambition is realized and the prize won. These people stand as icons to the truth of greatest happiness. that we cannot see the wood for the trees. Many – and probably most – people who reach fulfilment following a path of total renunciation remain unknown. and the word ‘realization’ is used here to incorporate all ideas (religious or otherwise) regarding the highest state to be gained in life. in all places. and bliss) is present at all times. vanishing in the obscurity of ‘enjoying’ their greatest happiness. but it is not this at all. This is simply because we can ask how it is possible to realize something – and by realize we also mean obtain something that one does not yet have – when we already have it. so distracted by life’s bright lights.

is less than One. One. if. It is not our intention here to give the impression that greatest happiness is easy to experience. Relative is how we know the world to be: each individual aspect is relative to another. As we have said. not Two One is One. and this has been described as the most difficult of all human tasks. Each person must find their own way. There cannot be any other than One because. and this wholeheartedness has to be fully comprehensive. in the relative. It is a matter of getting to the ‘starting blocks’ as if in a race. then is the time we will know what there is to be done. our sights need to be set on it wholeheartedly. every lifestyle without exception is relative to another – in One there is 104 . This might sound enigmatic. not two or many. they could not be absolutely One. there would be room for a ‘better’ than two. However. We have said that each means to clear away the ‘rubble’ obscuring One is different. the way to One is the quietening of the mind.Who Are You? Really! happiness is so readily available. as we will see below and in the following chapter. there is nothing other than One. We usually do find our way home because the desire to reach the safety and comfort of it is very strong. And yet this dissolution has been demonstrated to come about without effort! What we can say is that to achieve greatest happiness. less than One is relative. which can only be One. for example. if anything. just as if one is lost and needs to find the way home. When our sights are so set. there were two. Anything other than One. which entails bringing an end to the power and influence of I-ness. but neither do we want to imply that it is too difficult. Absolute is as the word describes. It is not our intention here to create some sort of self-help manual which can be followed. there are countless variations. Something similar is required in working our way towards One. but in fact there is likely to be no race to run. One is absolute. every individual person is relative to another person.

and nothing is born. and are what our lives and lifestyles primarily comprise in various forms. In life. It is only in two where change happens. One always is. dying. Iness. This means. that if I am dependent on someone or something else. all suffering. it is not confusing to say that there can be One if there are two. In One. but there cannot be two if there is One. In One. and fear of death and dying. then I am not free. and death. nothing dies. always existing. cannot waver. no place for ‘I’. two come and go. aversion. ‘But I was born. Although it might sound it. It is the ‘I’ which has this thought. Desire for One is the only desire which will lead to greatest happiness. there can be no such thing as bondage – nor freedom. for example. and I will die. that One is better than two: it is completely certain.’ No! Only the body is born and only the body will die. attachment. but bound and restricted to that other and also subject to the five afflictions we have mentioned of ignorance.Stuart Rose no individuality. two is not certain. it means that each part of the two is dependent on the other. One always is. where is the pain of it all? Who is this ‘I’? It is clear to see that ‘holding’ to One will bring greatest happiness. Desire All desires bar one lead to bondage and misery. all miseries. If there are two. this can mean. Greatest happiness cannot change. evaluatively. nor 105 . holding to more than One will bring only relative happiness. One exists outside of time where there is no pain of birth. unchanging. One never changes. emanate ceaselessly. From these. incomplete happiness. not always existing. two always change. and without the I-thought. and we have already looked at the fact that ‘I’ am not this body of blood and sinews which goes rotten soon enough and is the home of maggots.

nothing is left out. in fact it has nothing worth having. First. This can be said as. but it is precisely this type of sentiment which is binding. ‘how’ and the rest) because our minds cannot usually contemplate such brevity! The first words which are used. no passion. and it is bliss. no variety. and bliss. no activity. fuelled by desire. We might try to add two more words. A description of the experience of One has been given as that 106 . One always exists. when ‘I’ get what I want and am satisfied. ‘It sounds to me that this ‘One’ is not very appealing at all: it’s dull. ‘why’. to relativity and misery. which fluctuates between its many varieties. we can say that desire is the ‘death’ of One. so those of time and place are inappropriate. One Is This is the only complete and comprehensive statement which can be made about One. Two is better than One!’ This is maybe how a person can feel about One. second. consciousness. One is always everywhere. that it is ‘now’. ‘I want’. Desire is the driving force of individuality. which pins us with a very pervasive and sticky ‘glue’ to the world. of ‘I want’. ‘I want’. we have discussed: the characteristics of One are that it exists. the characteristics of existence. and the lifestyle stagnates. Over and over. It says all that there is to say.Who Are You? Really! afflictions – as One contains nothing but itself. Such sentiment prevents change and growth. Some people might object and say something along the lines of. no fun. One entertains no concepts. it is not long before the satisfaction wears thin and the ‘I want’ starts its familiar song again. Emotively. but it can become obscured by two. However. no ‘colour’. One is ‘here’. is aware that it exists. Yet. has no excitement. And then the ‘talking’ begins (usually with words like ‘but’.

This silence is absolute silence. and brought about by replacing the normal time-bound. therefore relative to the gap.Stuart Rose it is similar to deep. dreamless sleep (which we ‘enjoy’ every night). First. This is because only One can ‘experience’ One as One. We said earlier that it is not ‘normally’ possible to experience the whole of One. so deep and intense that it might be called ‘solid’ silence and. but there is another silence. seemingly a paradox. Another description of the experience of One is of silence. it contains all sounds and relative silences. busy. this silence being the gap between two sounds. 107 . there is the silence as in sound and silence. but while we are awake. It is One. distracting waking experience.

thoughts. the experience of two (duality or incompleteness) is common to all. the characteristic of two is that. but its greatness is diffused. a tangled web from which escape seems impossible. the simplicity of One has been replaced by complex systems which are held together by ignorance or incomplete knowledge of the whole truth. not least that they all have dependence. We have also said that the complete. One sounds a lot more worth having than two. it cannot change. there is no part of two where there is no thing: two is completely comprised of things (people. the varieties of two become less obscuring. The prize of greatest happiness is no less. If One is always everywhere. which lets the whole world in: One is two. without exception. In two is everything. unalloyed ‘experience’ of One (non-duality) might be rare. through ‘seeing’. but two is not One. an endlessness of confusion and untruths.Who Are You? Really! Chapter Eight Two In a previous section. cars) which are all relative to something. of One. carrots. Does this ring any bells? Hence. as we have seen. yet the vast majority of us opt for two rather than One. it is not! 108 . then it must also permeate every aspect of two – the absolute must permeate the relative. Does this make any sense? In two. It is this statement which opens the floodgates. ‘access’ to One is always through two. and it is in duality that ‘glimpses’ or longer ‘contact’ of One can occur when. qualitatively. But. everything is changing impermanence. However. These systems appear selfperpetuating. we have said that One is two. but not vice versa. And whereas the characteristic of One is unchanging permanence. Nevertheless. where we are.

this (seeming) diabolical I-ness. For example. In multiplicity. Again we say. me and mine.Stuart Rose Another way of describing the difference between One and two is in the difference between subject and object. It can now be seen just what we meant when we said earlier that the beautiful simplicity of One is apparently destroyed by the complexity of two. to extricate ourselves from this tangled web of relative existence. This is a further reason for the lifestyle to be changed or re-directed to One. without exception. I see you. To be completely correct. as we have explained. a continual increase of happiness. once I know the object (the known). One is not just subject. there is peace and calm. and it also means that when we are completely happy we can know that there is even still more to come. Greatest happiness is unlimited. I feel pain. They also tell us that the approach to it is not to be rushed. which means continual improvement. What a wonder! 109 . whereas two is dependent on the relationship of the subject and its object. I have a lollipop – the whole world is the duality between me (I-ness) and something other than me. This can be explained through a tripartite (threeness): I know (the subject) this tomato (the object). it is beyond the duality of subject and object because. simply knowing or awareness – this is One. which means that one never finds its end (otherwise it would be limited happiness). on the contrary. In simplicity. it is completely impervious to any influence or changeability such as the dichotomy between the subject and its object. in this scenario both subject and object disappear as the interaction is complete (the tomato is now known) and what is left is the third aspect. Sages appear unanimous that this way is the best and only way to live. can there be any question as to what is the ideal life? It’s just getting to that desired point which appears so difficult. One is wholly subject and independent. progress is little by little. there is chaos and storm.

the pure ‘I’ (the ‘I’ without individuality). it is when viewed from the relative position. Quite soon in the adoption of a new lifestyle in the direction away from two and towards One. far outshining relative happiness. leaving complete clarity. completely full. from the absolute position. which is not our intention. This is not an idle hope. which seems totally impossible to untangle. from two-ness where it ties us in such a tangle. beautifully simple. it demonstrates the impossibility of words to describe One. and more happiness deep ‘inside’ – this is certain. joyous.Who Are You? Really! We have said that the I-ness ‘seems’ to be diabolical. we will begin to experience a newness. a brightness. there is no life tangle – life is uncluttered. However. which evaporates in its wake like the morning mist. 110 . Yes. but a knowledge based on experience. By using this kind of language we are in ‘danger’ of ending up in poetry.

there will be a conclusion of yes. 111 . or even revise them. but if impermanent. no. we introduced the idea that change or modification is possible. In the second chapter. and these were designed to ‘stretch’ the thinking in the light of earlier conclusions. Then the fact of One was introduced. Mostly. we then looked at getting to fully know ourselves so that we might see whether some change was due or not. and the risks and challenges involved. or maybe regarding change. Some depth as to what this is. in an attempt to reduce their importance and the feelings we have about them. concluded thinking about each of us as we are. attainable here and now. and perhaps it will also contain an inkling of how much is needed. this is a strong word to use to describe the human situation: perhaps moderately happy is how we felt. so to speak. of course. there is change and the concomitant misery. A chapter entitled ‘transition’ formed the bridge between a miserable person and a potentially happier person. A discussion about when to change and how. after describing what we meant when we used the word ‘lifestyle’. Happiness doesn’t change if it is permanent. Permanence is a succinct way to describe One. One has the characteristics of existence. we hadn’t thought of ourselves as miserable. by each of us. we have seen. After studying ourselves in the way proposed. Many ‘pointers’ to lifestyle development and growth were then given.Stuart Rose Chapter Nine Vision In the first chapter. accepting life’s sufferings. pushing them under the carpet. It was said that this acceptance is detrimental to one’s life because it holds us back from something much better in all respects: life’s supreme ‘prize’ of greatest happiness.

it was also stated that although this was the case. it was stated that One could not be approached from anything but a dual position (two). these are simply inadequate words used to say that One does not have the opposite characteristics. even though rationally whatever is being felt 112 . It is our greatest happiness that is being worked towards. What is important is to know that ‘tried and tested’ guides and guidelines based on the knowledge of One exist and can be used to move forward. it did not mean that One was something new to be gained. To be realistic. and this is the one each will tread. Nevertheless. We can choose to ‘go for it’ aiming directly at the prize. The work to be done to get greater and greater experience of permanent happiness is wholly achieved by shifting the balance in our life from two to One. there is just one path. but many. or choose to aim indirectly for a part of the prize. Or rather. There is also a plethora of guidance which can be used to help walk the path. One is greatest happiness. It’s our path. and then discarded when their job is done. It doesn’t matter so much which is chosen. or even no prize at all.Who Are You? Really! awareness. One is not pie in the sky. that permanence has to be approached through impermanence. This isn’t a book which will now give a specific way that needs to be followed to reach the prize. The most important person in all of this is each one of us. so to speak. and bliss. It is whichever lifestyle we choose to live. or we can choose a much lesser prize. no-one else’s. There isn’t one. because two is in One. such as non-existence and suffering. Each of us has an insightful capability to find the way to the source of happiness – if we wish to use it and listen to what it says – and this is through intuition: the certain knowledge that something is right. The choice is wholly that of each person: how much happiness there is in our lives is entirely up to us. from where we are. We have implied that there are as many variations for working towards a happier life as there are people.

what it is and what it is not. and to live away from the world. paradoxically. 113 . What has been shown is that this happiness will not be found in the mundane world but. we will never leave the mundane because the absolute – the permanence – is the ‘heart’ of the mundane! There is not necessarily any need to leave a partner. what is being proposed is not a particular path to be followed. but that a change to one’s lifestyle in the direction which has been pointed to will bring increasing and unlimited happiness. what is needed is a new vision: a new understanding about the truth of life. to forego many of life’s pleasures.Stuart Rose might sound crazy or off-track. what it can and cannot provide. So.

at base. total happiness. has to die to ‘experience’ perfect happiness in its plenitude. this duality is between the perfection and the I-ness. once seen. Perfect happiness exists always. or is it both? How can this situation find some balance. greatest happiness is unblemished. Yet there is no need or necessity for me to die a physical death to experience perfect happiness.Who Are You? Really! Chapter 10 Health Warning In and through all the aforesaid. can be summed up by the question. If it were blemished in any respect it would not be perfect. who’s in charge. or is it perfect happiness. Is this strange? Is it de-motivating? We need to look at this occurrence in greater depth to find out. it would be available without any problems. or is this the wrong question? It stands to reason that if the ‘I’ still has its old sense of separateness. Certainly. And it is this temporality of the ‘I’ which is the problem. just for this life. wise folk have told us that the ‘I’. It is clear to see and. and so forth? Is it me. the ‘I’ exists temporarily. then there will be a conflict: the conflict which. Oddly this may not be the case. the me-ness. goes to work. Then who is it that wakes up every morning. So how come we are saying that there appears to be ‘cracks’ in the perfection? The answer is because there still can remain – there is likely to remain – a duality. one might think that in finding greatest happiness. which 114 . or it appears to. gets washed. Over the centuries. the me-ness. It’s as simple as that. and this is the nub of the matter. it’s not difficult to experience the absolute joy that there is in this perfection because it is natural. As might be guessed.

From the moment of birth. That’s our health warning! Whose ‘I’ is it? Is this ‘I’ that I have mine? How can it be so? It existed before thoughts started. because it is everywhere at all times and beyond space and time. or chemical imbalances within the body – there is no end to this list! And it is because of these events (which can appear without apparent reason and ‘hit’ us below the belt. greed. this ‘I’ existed. not a competitor. frustrations. then it can never be resolved because the two in their full form cannot coexist. because the truth that we have described in earlier chapters is that the Truth is completely unassailable. or have the ‘greater’ or more vociferous voice superimposed on it. in the fetes. and we have adopted. it can make us sad or depressed by causing unhappy events through generating anger. And not change the lifestyle. lust. And be fooled. but only temporarily. before language – which is what all thoughts predominantly are – was learned. it is not a fighter. Lost in the dross of living. It doesn’t have to get up in the morning. and be foolish. the universal ‘I’ to use for our own benefit. One has to (appear to) give way. it can make us inexplicably ill with all sorts of illogical ailments. we can so easily give up perfect happiness and accept the ‘I’ as supreme. It has a box full of tricks: it can make us as happy as perfect happiness. and so forth. So what can happen? It is that the ‘I’ does not give up so easily. so to speak? If there is this type of conflict. And carry on with the old way of thinking that it is me who gets up in the morning and lives each day. to create 115 . so to speak) that we can feel defeated by the weight of the box of tricks the ‘I’ has. as we have described. too. even ‘stolen’. before that. causing untold stresses on the body. stand aside. and be comfortable. It has no concerns.Stuart Rose of the two calls the shots. Where did it start? The answer is that it always exists. Sure. Perfect happiness simply ‘smiles’. in the womb. Illogical as it may seem.

then who am I? If this cannot be answered correctly. We need to know that all fear is based on the error of thinking that we are separate individuals. It is incontrovertible wisdom. this lie. and that we can ‘lose’ our individuality. as we have said. there still will be trials and tribulations. be courageous. Not simply a passing happiness. And this me lives right through its life with this delusion. the universal Self. at the end. be lost? It isn’t possible. but a deep immeasurable one. die ‘happily’. We carry on by changing the old lifestyle.Who Are You? Really! an apparent uniqueness. No-one can do it for us. which is called ‘me’. not in fanciful dreams. But what has been said may start us off in a whole new direction leading to perfect happiness. And. good health and bad. Earlier it was said that this book does not offer a particular path to follow. is that we just get happier. We hope it does. and how we can monitor progress. and starting to live in reality. without the ‘I’. We die without experiencing real happiness. and with this clear knowledge and understanding automatically comes the loss of all fear. then we are lost. of this there can be no question. And with the input each of us makes. happinesses and sadnesses. Yes. 116 . We become more peaceful. How can the universal ‘I’. we stick to the same lifestyle and. Fear is the prime cause because. ‘I’ is survival (although not of what we call ‘me’). Face the facts. unending happiness. changing the old way of thinking. this doesn’t happen overnight. It’s an impossible state while we have this separateness. more at peace with ourselves. so the deepness of this experience grows. Each person has to find their own self. What happens. How to carry on Nobody’s perfect. but all this happens in a different light.

if not redress. The address we know. sr.co. Address in heaven.uk 117 .kaivalya@yahoo.Stuart Rose Contact the inner Self and attain guidance from it.

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