Who Are You? Really!

a travel-guide to life

Who Are You? Really!
a travel-guide to life

Compiled and Edited by Stuart Rose

Winchester, UK Washington, USA

no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publishers.com Distribution in: UK and Europe Orca Book Services Ltd Home trade orders tradeorders@orcabookservices.co.com. Park Lane. Hong Kong.. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews.com Tel: 27 21 4489839 Telefax: 27 21 4479879 Text copyright Stuart Rose 2009 ISBN: 978 1 84694 343 0 Design: Stuart Davies All rights reserved. UK office1@o-books. Ropley. Inc We operate a distinctive and ethical publishing philosophy in all areas of its business. from its global network of authors to production and worldwide distribution. Printed in the UK by CPI Antony Rowe Printed in the USA by Offset Paperback Mfrs. Taiwan) Pansing Distribution Pte Ltd kemal@pansing. .au Tel: 61 3 9761 5535 Fax: 61 3 9761 7095 Far East (offices in Singapore.uk Tel: 01235 465521 Fax: 01235 465555 Export orders exportorders@orcabookservices. A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.o-books. The rights of Stuart Rose as author have been asserted in accordance with the Copyright.uk Tel: 01235 465516 or 01235 465517 Fax: 01235 465555 USA and Canada NBN custserv@nbnbooks.net www.co. Deershot Lodge. Thailand.First published by O-Books.com Tel: 1 800 462 6420 Fax: 1 800 338 4550 Australia and New Zealand Brumby Books sales@brumbybooks. The Bothy. Hants.com Tel: 65 6319 9939 Fax: 65 6462 5761 South Africa Stephan Phillips (pty) Ltd Email: orders@stephanphillips. 2010 O Books is an imprint of John Hunt Publishing Ltd. SO24 0BE. Designs and Patents Act 1988.

CONTENTS Introduction Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Contact 1 3 12 35 80 89 93 99 108 111 114 117 .


1 . It is not a book to be read through from beginning to end and then forgotten. This thinking reaches very much further into areas or regions of life and being than any single discipline could. The original impetus for the book was talks and guidance a learned Indian Swami gave at different times and places. It is each one of us who has to do the work. but the whole purpose of writing this book is for greater well-being and happiness. and to be courageous in enacting the modifications or changes that are needed. We are not professionally trained in any particular discipline. and these are best followed. we hope it is instrumental in helping. the idea of disciplines is an anathema because they can build walls and barriers whereas here. Who are You? has a planned sequence of chapters. and this book is not a psychotherapy. Now this inspiration has been expanded and extended to cover a comprehensive span of thinking about the lives we lead and what we can do to make them fully satisfying. and reducing or ending life’s miseries which we know all too well exist in most people. to meet the intended outcome of the endeavor. Much more than this. This is a cautiously written introductory sentence. the listening to what we ourselves are truly saying and feeling. We hope that this little book is enjoyed.Introduction Who are You? takes us on a journey. the destination of which is not meant to be a mystery. we build bridges. In fact. It is unlikely anyone would be reading this work unless there is the belief that some action needs to be taken in this direction. even in a small way. but it will probably be surprising and may result in some changes to our lives. Some chapters demand a stop to reading thereby allowing deep thought about what has been said before progressing – please follow this instruction.

solving problems to move further with the help of the inner truthful guide. find your own path to walk.Who Are You? Really! Above all. Dr Stuart Rose 2 .

My lifestyle can provide me with great confidence as an individual. and how from here we sit watching the world go by. even for our whole life. even from myself! And the reverse is also true. but it can also be my protection from the outside world. although we were comfortable. from within which this me can live. how I differentiate myself from others – how I can make myself stand out from the crowd and be memorable. More on this below.Chapter One What’s in a Lifestyle? Everybody has one. my ‘castle’. or how I can merge and not be noticed (and many. So my lifestyle also acts as my security. although there can be many similarities between each one. It is how I feel about myself. making us more like each other than we might care to admit. and everybody’s is unique. many variations on this theme). In a nutshell. both from an outward looking perspective and one that looks inward. We got through life safely but did nothing. We are often unaware of how we develop a ‘comfort zone’ around this me. to put this the other way around. a lifestyle can be summed up as ‘me’ – it is what this me contains. not good enough. A lifestyle is what I project to the world. how I demonstrate to others and myself that this is ‘me’. and ended up dissatisfied and miserable. We ‘missed the boat’ so to speak. and time go by. how I identify me or. as this lifestyle can make me feel inadequate. We never for a moment dreamed of changing anything. and ‘mouse-like’. happily and safely. and to myself. or try to live. This means that this lifestyle combines both physical and mental components (like a dress has both textile and colour). 3 . perhaps.

right now. The list is seemingly endless. How do I feel about this? Different Types of Lifestyles Today. Why is 4 . what it does with itself. the multitude of things I do. opinions. my lifestyle also includes the trappings of life: my car. It’s everything outside of my mind. but they don’t have the intelligence to do anything about it. as well as its coloring. enemy). and my aesthetic predilections. too. It’s a known fact that people don’t like change. much more important. there is nothing left out and so perhaps ‘material’ is a better description in this instance. never knew how. and form. what I have positive emotions for or about. ways of being and thinking. perhaps becoming more so. home. When we talk about the physical.Who Are You? Really! we never had the courage. The physical or outer part of me has prime importance while the mental or inner is secondary. More. clothes. it is comprised of what I love. tastes. even how it holds itself. ornaments. Of course. that it is avoided. The net result of all these influences is me. We humans do. destroys routine. been sold. are as set in their ways as this. family. plus what I have chosen. created. people prefer not to live like animals. because it’s unsettling (rocks the boat). forcing compliance. Great importance is also given to living with – matching – my own values with those of society. and having to re-establish ourselves can be a painful process. starting with the physical. and developed. ‘Best leave things as they are!’ Animals. boss. adopted. the other people in my life (partner. so the quality of life is much more central. Let’s look at these components talked about above in more detail. as I stand. and so forth. sometimes at any cost. Much of the lifestyle elements comprising the mental components are inherited or learned from our parents: particular likings and dislikings. and includes – particularly includes – my body: its shape. But mine is a distinct mix of all this. size.

The movement does not have to be radical or ‘all 5 . to be an individual. A journey. driven surreptitiously by just a handful of entrepreneurs with big advertising budgets. The social norm has to be central. But first we must seek a way to understand why some ‘buck the trend’. If we stay put in the same lifestyle for life. we are made to think I am different. This is not medical health. A word that seems to sum up the rationale of these people is ‘health’. a complete individual (just like everyone else). It will be seen that this word also equates with ‘happiness’.Stuart Rose this? The simple. power. friends and more. and our individual lifestyles have developed around it. strength and energy (the survival of the fittest and so primal). and feelings of insecurity occur if there is deviation from this norm. following the piper! And yet. then life can become something of a prison. However. But do clear answers help me to live peacefully? In life. oddly. or courageous enough. The types demonstrate a movement towards its opposite and back again. if there is no clarity. then I’m out in the cold – out of money. and ownership (of people as well as things) claim the greater value and have become the source of security. for a few brave souls there can be a real (or assumed real) individuality with lifestyles to match. possibly over-simplified. and we can look at five types. If I’m not ‘in’ with the in-crowd. I’m not brave enough. Another way of saying this is that society holds sway over the individual. colored by what it dictates. but a much more all-encompassing health. there can be no real peace. Why are their lifestyles healthy? Is the answer to live healthily? And what does this mean? Is there a clear answer? Perhaps there is. a stagnant pond. answer is that money. ahead of the in-crowd. An exploration. We have to set priorities! We can suggest that there are five types of lifestyles. status.

As has been described. factors. The past is gone and finished. or away from it? If we are static. then where have we come from. Nothing past can be changed. and it’s up to each of us to work out just where we fit into this plan. it can be beautiful. have we reached that point from a high or a low position? Or have we been where we are for so long that it is impossible to tell from which direction we came? It’s important to remember that life is always in a state of flux. it can be gentle and satisfying. and decisions are responsible for where we find ourselves. and where are we heading? Is it towards happiness. is our present lifestyle what we really want? 6 . 4. then what would happen is entirely different from what did happen. which means that if we were in the same position now as we were. and 5 indicate particular ways to live. that’s where we are. many points. and what is important to do while this is fresh is to see how we feel about where we are. 3. as there is learning on the way. Is there a happiness or an unhappiness or an in between? Are we comfortable or uncomfortable or in between? And. But this is not the case. The list below reads a little like going backwards before going forwards to the same place we started from. Are we moving at all? If the answer is yes. Nothing in life can be exactly repeated. The different types of lifestyle are: 1. 2.Who Are You? Really! changing’. 5. 2 and 4 indicate transition. healthy lifestyle Types 1. habits. Wherever we position ourselves in this list. Healthy lifestyle From healthy to unhealthy lifestyle Unhealthy lifestyle Unhealthy to healthy lifestyle Again. 3.

at the same time. and convenience foods have almost completely removed the need to cook and. Combining these two examples may lead to the paradoxical notion that one is getting to be more the same as others (coming closer together). it is plain to see that many non-western people are now following a western way of life. in the process. Then a question can be asked: are we the same or are we different? Relating others to our own position is not proposing that we evaluate and compare ourselves to them. we can see a snapshot picture of where we think they are and. and thereby helping to clarify who we are. supermarkets.Stuart Rose Prediction gets results Through the process of observing others. and so forth. more on our own (moving 7 . That’s a detrimental activity! What we are intending is a prediction or assessment of what might be happening to us. Two examples will hopefully demonstrate what is meant. In the West for example. introduction of new foods. and both of these stem from the standardization and sameness that is occurring in our society today. which means their lifestyles have changed as they have adopted new cultural elements. which means that the world is not getting more mixed but more the same. western shops are now in ‘High Streets’ all over the world – clothing. and this means that the relationships between family members in many instances are dissolving. First. Both are common examples of how easily we follow (or are led) to be like everyone else – a feature that can be likened to an innate herding instinct. banking. For example. Family life seems to be changing due to these and other trends. learn about ourselves. yet. becoming more disparate. because of this. or new ways to buy and consume food. can change traditional cooking and eating habits that have a major knock-on effect to family life. many families no longer eat together. fast foods. Non-western lifestyles are not travelling West. food. Second (and sometimes an outcome of the first example).

to gain). strength. power. which in turn gives the feeling of newness (not new feelings because the result will be the same. To keep material. a greater change is required). money. So maintaining social.Who Are You? Really! further apart). in any future lifestyle change. From these and many other examples that we will need to bring to mind in our self-analysis. to possess. political. name and fame. and so forth at the centre of the plan to achieve. as are answering questions related to where do we go from where we currently are. not why to achieve. To be ‘in’ fashion and ‘in line’ with the changes happening in society. is the second part. How to achieve. The question is how to achieve (to grow. and will this change be made by free choice 8 . energy. or. is one part. or even our not yet developed side is bigger inside. dress habits. it’s possible to see where one can start to predict how changes to the lifestyle may have occurred or may be occurring. for enjoyment and pleasure. or our not yet known side is bigger inside. to have. business status. Facing this and to put in sufficient energy and focus to proceed in the lifestyle is a challenge. family and friends. has to help in that listed above. Guiding light What are the prime influencers which we might need to use to bring about change. Everyone knows why to achieve. image. likes and wants. conversely. and maintain (keep) what has been gained. is difficult. from which direction one can see where changes might come from. To live in a particular way with different habits – such as food habits or eating habits. also adopting new tastes and new ways to have more and more feeling and emotion – is guided and controlled by the intellect. selection of material according to taste and feeling. or may wish them to come from. we can consider our not yet grown side is bigger inside. To start addressing the ‘how’ question.

currency is the term for it. of values. living in a particular way. If we don’t. as well as many other diseases such as cancer. and further changes. Many habits. but it is certainly a battle (of wits. more affectionate. the comfortable position. To describe this scenario as a war is probably an overstatement. to keep one currency as the ruling currency among other currencies. and more compassionate in this turmoil? It is very. We struggle to maintain the upper hand. Perhaps the greatest guiding force for change. However. heart related diseases. of desires). and changes occur regardless of our desire. is money. which becomes a lifestyle. How can one’s lifestyle be more spiritual. power. we have said that the world never stands still. So the static position. Sometimes this is inevitable. control. we will have to accept what is dished out whether we like it or not. and to be controller of all monetary movement. but sometimes we can be ahead of the game and change our lifestyle how we want. very difficult to find someone who can be like this. Money is an external energy. we just have to make the best of a bad job. Having change foisted upon us means that we need to be proactive in establishing the values and qualities of the changes life serves up to us. attrac9 . more loving. by necessity – what is most important? It needs to be said that one might be happy in the existing lifestyle and see no reason to change. whether it be to change or stand still. might be an illusion – there may be no choice whether to change at all.Stuart Rose or not-so-free choice. HIV. by imposition. Forceful living All psychosomatic diseases. and vital organ related diseases are the result of forceful living. AIDS. more emotional. in the movement between two or more currencies (not necessarily financial ones) and influences.

and that gaining a successful lifestyle is wholly a matter of survival of the fittest? We can be certain to say that all human beings (all of us) are not saints and prophets. Because there was an acceptance of a mistake or wrong-doing. and how are we living? Are we living in a monastery? No. Some people manage their lifestyles better than others. although we try to be free from these. or appear to. or sometimes. who are we. qualities. anxiety. misery is the main feature. not yet. How is it that some people seem to manage better than others? Is it that they treat life like a battleground. Luckily we don’t! Don’t we? Questioning ourselves We have implied that there are as many lifestyles as there are people and that each is unique (although of a pattern). Are we happy inside? Mostly not. Each lifestyle is a complex web of an individual’s likes and dislikes built over time. These forces are supported by correct reasoning. some don’t. impressions. Do we feel insecure? Yes. are forces behind living in this way. Simply being alive is not the goal or purpose. then we would be living at the level of animals. while for others. They are a mental preparation for ‘doing the right thing’. Was there something missed in our childhood. if it were.Who Are You? Really! tions. such as toys 10 . it does not mean to say that a correction took place. and the like? No. In society? Yes. The realization that we live an unhealthy lifestyle does not mean that the old habits were changed and a healthy lifestyle started! The lifestyle of anyone is not the result of living it for just one day. which helps us to avoid feelings of wrong-doing and of guilt when the adverse result appears. Do we believe in religion and spirituality? Some do. So. Some people appear to lead lives which are on the whole happy. it’s much more than that. and factors. fighting their way to success and destroying others in the process. worries. Are we living in and with a family? No. Are we free from fear.

11 . on loan? Where is it possible to get them from? Is it possible to buy them. satisfaction. to purchase them? No. it is not possible to give what is not in us. but it will need repaying when the loan is due. or try to show that we are searching for something. Even if we try to show that we can give what we don’t have. How can one have peace. or was childhood also a battlefield? Do we carry feelings of not being cared for at some point in our lives? Are we trusting or distrusting? Are we searching for something? If so. Is it possible to steal them? No. happiness.Stuart Rose and material things. Then how can we get them? Can you tell me? Write and tell me how (the address is at the end). or love and affection? Did we behave well with each other. sympathy and compassion. power and strength? Is it possible for us to give what we don’t have? No. love and affection. what? Where are we searching? Is our search for true love and affection or for the more material things like money. how can we understand what’s going on? Maybe we have taken out a loan so that we can be seen to give.

it’s one which may affect the whole of one’s life. our relationships with family and friends. Will we need or wish to involve anyone else for some parts of it? If so. it’s a dream world). the first key question to ask is. writing it all down in the form of lists is a good discipline. This is a big and important task. Then.Who Are You? Really! Chapter Two Looking more deeply into oneself We have touched upon the questions which are vital to ask about change – let’s now look at them in greater detail so that we can start to get to grips with arriving at the decision to change. and doing it thoroughly will form the foundation to any future change. ‘Where am I?’ This means taking complete stock of what our life entails – all of what it contains – including the responsibilities one has for oneself and others. How will the task be undertaken? Some preparation is necessary. This ‘stocktaking’ is a completely objective appraisal of oneself and the life as it stands right at the moment. ‘where was I in the past?’ (past successes and failures cannot be changed). This task does not include answers to questions such as. the feelings one has about oneself and others. A lot rides on its completion. and more. It’s not a light decision. which parts? Will we take some time out away from normal routine to do it? Business people call it brainstorming and often do it in hotels! When starting. As an introduction. how we look. our financial position. they can be brought together to make a master list. the geography of where we are. a snapshot photo of where you are 12 . so it deserves close attention. what is ours and what is not ours. and they can be revised and amended as needs be. or ‘where will I be in the future?’ (this is fiction. how happy we are. when these are mostly finished.

It can also include the mistakes which were made or avoided. Then we can ask the next question (actually two questions in one). this is me now. which may not seem so positive at the time. what do I want from my life?’ This can be said in a number of different ways. and the picture we will paint of ourselves may be the most valuable ever produced in our lives. the degree of change which is thought to be needed. keep objectivity intact. There’s no blame attached to any of what might be found. These are simple questions to establish what the current lifestyle is. but these amount to the same outcome: am I satisfied or dissatisfied. nor praise. we’ve mentioned different types and sizes of bodies. We will begin by looking at different ‘bodies’. The final question in this major sequence is a natural outcome of the first two. It’s the crux! ‘OK. That’s not its purpose. and in which direction or directions. and objectively might take some courage.Stuart Rose and where you stand. It’s as serious as that. and understand ourselves as we think we actually are. This process is an enormously positive one and involves much heart-searching (not muck-raking). One sheet of paper. see. but it’s got to be done because. to know. These can be summarized as: 13 . am I happy or miserable. and so forth? And from this the resolve to change can start to take shape. truthfully. but keep emotions in check. we are likely to continue in the same way of life as before – there will be no possibility of change. ‘How and why am I in this condition?’ To answer this honestly. warts and all. where can I go from here. Different bodies In all of what we have talked about so far. which must be fully completed first. if we don’t get to know how we got where we are. It must be both the inner and outer person. Clarity must be uppermost.

we just want each person to look at themselves as we may never have looked at ourselves before. or one might have seen a need already but is lost. This is a deep analytical look – much more than we have done already – at ‘myself’ from several angles. There are many combinations and variations in this model. we can consider the other’s lifestyle a better model to follow (or not). normal. social. Immediately.Who Are You? Really! Individual Family Social National International These five types of bodies are living bodies. Now it can be seen that we can be influenced by the other’s lifestyle (family. Each entertains different lifestyles. and make a copy of it or them through changing our own original. then (unlike Humpty Dumpty) we can put all the ‘bits’ back together again. daunted. We will take a look at these bodies one by one. unclear. or we can come under the impression of the other’s lifestyle. it might be said that we know ourselves pretty well – we’re not trying to prove this wrong. At this stage. The first one is followed by the others. natural lifestyle. and they are all interrelated in a healthy or unhealthy way. from a healthy/unhealthy point of view. it’s by no means certain that a need for change has been seen. To do this. we must separate out different elements in an unreal way so that each can be studied in isolation. or in combinations – the world is an electronic village and has to be sorted out. etc. or have many other reasons (forwards or backwards). concerning what it is about the current lifestyle 14 . The reason we need to do this is to establish and describe – get to know intimately – who it is that could have a lifestyle change.). many of which might not normally be perceived from.

Stuart Rose

which may need attention. We may end up deciding that no lifestyle change is necessary after all and, as long as we are certain that this is not avoidance, that’s OK too. So let’s start at the beginning.

1. Individual
What comprises the individual? Wow! Where can we start to unravel this enormous question? Let’s not get put off at the first hurdle but divide the question into manageable parts so that we can gently find our way in. This ‘I’, me, can straight away be divided in two. Later we might say that the division can be more than two, but for the moment two is sufficient. These two are ‘me the physical body’, and ‘me the mental body’. Even so, these are still substantial chunks to get to grips with. We can also sub-divide each of these into the four remaining types of bodies listed above, but that, too, will over-complicate our endeavor right now, although we will need to remember what we find here when we reach these types as they arise.

a. Me the physical body
We are closest of all to our physical bodies and know them intimately. Yes, we know all the warts and blemishes that we’d rather not mention, thank you! But we know that we are beautiful, too, even if this is difficult to admit to ourselves. Yet it’s surprising just how much our physical bodies influence who we are and how we have structured our present lifestyle. We must now look afresh, with objectivity. If we can stand in front of a full length mirror, preferably naked (so as to remove our ‘disguises’ or ‘camouflage’), on our own, it is possible to see oneself from a new perspective. Ask ourselves: What makes my body different from anybody else’s body? We all have different sizes in height, width, weight (and, of course, gender and ethnic origin), but isn’t it true that we all

Who Are You? Really!

have bodies just like this one reflected in the mirror? For example, when I breathe in and out the same thing happens as it does to every breathing being: the chest lifts and drops, and life is maintained. Apart from minor ‘peculiarities’, can we agree that I am just the same physically as everybody else? And these little peculiarities that I and no-one else has, these are what makes me different, what causes me to act in a certain way. There is no need to point them out individually here, from one’s own perspective they can – and must – be seen clearly. We have lived with them since they developed or occurred. They have influenced how we present ourselves to the world. Seeing a difference in our physical bodies (which are of a like with every other body), we create an unrealistic notion of our uniqueness – felt as real, but is unreal, imagined, illusory – which in turn ‘allows’ me to present both to myself and to others a deceptive, false lie about who I am. And so we comfortably get on with our lives, the truths well hidden in some ‘attic’ store chest. This is where change can originate: getting rid of the lies and moving towards living in truth – to ourselves mostly, but the outcome of this will naturally percolate to our broader ‘theatre’ of existence. (We’ve ‘jumped the gun’ a little here by talking in terms of the mental body, which shows just how difficult it is to talk about one body without involving another.) Standing here in front of the mirror, I can see that this body is no different – no better and no worse – than any other. We are all equal in this respect, and if I see myself different on this physical front (except in unusual circumstances), then attention has to be paid here. We can pose the question: If I only had one leg, would it mean that I am any less of a person? If all four limbs were lost, plus as much removed from the body as possible, again would this ‘me’ become more or less of a person? What is our reply? Still standing in front of the mirror, we can look with some awe and wonderment at this reflected body. At how perfect it is for the ‘job’ of living as a human being. There is nothing apparent

Stuart Rose

that is not necessary for the performance of this job: nothing extra, nothing which is not required; the legs and arms are just the right length; the torso full of all sorts of gubbins to feed and control itself, and ‘sweep up’. The ‘designer’ and ‘manufacturer’ has excelled; the machine is simply beautiful in every respect. Humblingly so. This means that the body in the mirror is perfectly suited for the lives we lead, and so also for the lifestyle. It cannot be improved (although it can be superficially and cosmetically altered, and some worn-out parts replaced). Yet it can and does adapt to different situations: for example, it can be both carnivorous and herbivorous; it can live equally well in the cold of Alaska and the heat of Nigeria; it can survive starvation and gluttony. In much the same way, this body adapts to many changes during its life (not least, for a woman, by bearing a child); in fact, it needs to change because of these life events. The lifestyle undergoes natural physical evolution all of the time, which means it is likely that any change that is decided to make will be accepted and catered for – could it possibly even be already in the design (in the program) that certain particular ‘extra’ changes occur from time to time? We have spent time standing in front of the mirror looking at our physical body in an attempt to see it in a new light. We can conclude that it is just a ‘machine’, a brilliant machine, in principle just like any other machine which is designed to do a particular job. It even has built-in obsolescence! We give it significant importance in our lifestyle, although in fact, it is inert. Without life, it is just a lump of meat – anyone who has seen a dead body can testify to this. Even with life, but in deep sleep, the body appears lifeless. Is the body simply the mind’s ‘toy’, something to play with: to anoint, dress up, enjoy? (There is another aspect to the physical body to which we pay scant or no attention, and we need pay it no attention here. This

or less so? Was it important at all? To what degree has it influenced the current lifestyle – answer from 0% to 100%? Is this positive or negative? Which parts of the answer can be accepted. To approach it so that we can see clearly its influence.. A mirror is useless for this job. with all that we have established about this physical body. if we don’t. All the four work together. yet we can immediately say that it is the prime influencer to ‘my’ lifestyle. They are all vital to life – and death – but remain scarcely visible in our mirror. the changeable bits and functions: air. it is better to sub-divide it into four constituent parts. and so now. the question is: Am I my physical body? Time for some more thinking…. so it is unrealistic and artificial to separate them but. Me the mental body The mental body seems very much more complex than the physical body and. we will get very lost in trying to establish who this me is. blood. is not clearly visible. b. This may take a while (think in terms of days and weeks. In this instance. The only useful suggestion is to find a comfortable place and relax because thinking time is what is needed (and maybe a pencil and paper). and which not? What is the overall conclusion? There is one more question that is needed to be asked at this point. control. 18 . and others.Who Are You? Really! is all the autonomous systems. this question will recur again and again in different guises as we proceed. What do we think of it now? Is it as important as was first thought. food. not being material. not hours). The four parts of the mental body are: the mind (comprising our principal link to the physical body through the senses).) We have spent some time standing in front of the mirror looking at the body from all angles. It is my mental body which creates personas around my physical body. or more so. we turn to look at the second body.

It is also the mind which sends information back to the body (commands and responses) for action. In itself. but in countless combinations: we can see. Let’s take a simplified look. Mind Almost all of the communication between ‘me’ and my physical body is through the senses. and our ego or I-ness (which says ‘I want’. This information is then analyzed and identified by the other three parts of the mental body. therefore. ‘I am’.Stuart Rose memory (comprising all the past knowledge). is not of concern here. As we can realize. not just this one part. the skin is touching and sensing. or the house is burning down. we normally refer to all four components as mind. Memory The information from the mind is automatically analyzed by the 19 . the taste buds are tasting. for example. in speech. these events don’t happen in isolation. i. it is the mind which identifies what the eyes are seeing. ’I feel’. it is a channel for what the body organs and muscles are doing and sensing (in tandem with operation of the autonomous body systems). intellect (which is where we ‘discuss’ what’s happening). the nose is smelling. Whether the taste is hot or cold. this means that the mind is essential to – but not particularly influential to – our lifestyle. The mind simply identifies and reports to the other three parts what the senses say – it sorts the information out into ‘digestible’ bits – then it sends messages determined by the other mental parts back to the body for action as required. and smell a flower at the same time. and the ears are hearing and whether the body is in balance. Plus. The word ‘mind’ used here is a little confusing because. We have to live with this dual word usage! ii. and so forth) – it is the deciding factor. touch. or I have fallen and broken my leg.

don’t touch it’ with ‘I’ve changed my mind. But I’d like to try a banana again. It’s called fast-tracking! To come to understand our lifestyle more fully. just like in an office. or am I like I am because of the force of habit?’ This is what takes the time: looking at every piece of pertinent information we can think of (and even ‘stuff’ which we don’t normally think of – those store boxes in the ‘attic’. it is the two remaining mental parts that make 20 . The memory doesn’t make the decisions that are remembered. and so forth.Who Are You? Really! memory to see if there is anything familiar in what the senses ‘say’. it simply records. For example. accepted. some people are more scattered – it doesn’t matter. then to consider it. What matters is that we arrive at a series of conclusions about the relationship of the memory with the lifestyle that we are satisfied with. not just previous events. Some people can carry out this task in an ordered fashion. There usually is! The memory is important to the development and management of our lifestyle because it is the storehouse of what we have previously determined. yes please!’ The memory is full of set patterns of what we want and don’t want. and build separate piles for the results: for example. rejected. It is an effort to change the ‘programme’. which are shortcuts. enabling us not to have to keep on deciding something about the same message stimuli that we have received maybe hundreds of times before. for instance). review again. which means that another of the mental parts has to consciously overrule the automatic response of ‘remember what happened before. and ascertain just how much of it has been caused by fast-track instead of considered decisions – ‘Do I really want to be this way. we need to look at different parts of what we are now. which is why it is so easy to accept previous decisions – the memory can be likened to an overworked office which will cut corners in order to keep up with the large and constant stream of work which ‘pours’ in through its doors all day – and night. pending. it remembers that I don’t like bananas. and responds accordingly. re-consider it.

there is some thinking time needed here to ascertain (in very much the same way as we have done for the memory) if we have set patterns for thinking about things. The ‘I’ in me is supreme. market forces. accepted. or do I cut corners and only do half the job that could be done? Am I conscientious or thorough enough? Then more questions come: Are the set patterns the right ones for me. or adopted without my agreement. iii. The conclusion is then taken on by the final part of the mental body for ratification and action. Similarly to the mind and memory. and its function is to think about it and come to some conclusion. iv. nothing is actioned. the intellect presents all the facts to the judge. Nothing moves without my say-so. I have decided all there has been to decide about my lifestyle. it doesn’t form opinions. or whatever reason that isn’t wholly or partly me? Am I satisfied with the answers I have come up with. 21 . or do I want to shift emphasis much more squarely onto or away from my shoulders? The intellect operates in quite a factual way. I-ness There has been a build-up to this ‘high point’ in describing ‘my mental body’ until we have reached the ego or I-ness. Nothing! (Except for what is autonomous). Do I allow my intellect to investigate fully. I have decided who I am. patriotism. to weigh up the pro’s and con’s. and set solutions or answers. what I am like. Intellect The intellect is continuously presented with information from the mind and memory. Again. and then it is left up to the judge to make the decision. but doesn’t decide: using the analogy of a court of law. is it really me who thinks this way or am I led by family.Stuart Rose all the decisions. it gathers and considers (weighs the evidence). society.

it is plain to see that there is ‘somewhere’ for the senses to come together and be sorted.Who Are You? Really! So what is this I? We can start to answer this question from a number of different perspectives. partly under our control. loves me and hates me. First of these is attempting to find the ‘I’. The ‘I’ instigates every thought. we find it’s a very queer and slippery fish indeed! The power and effect of I-ness is enormous. However. where I should live. Can this be done? Does this ‘I’ appear like a second ‘me’. the ‘I’ has to decide who I am to be with. It governs all of the lifestyle: the ‘I’ has to approve how I am at any one time. feeds me and starves me. and what color umbrella I should use today. deciding whether or not to eat a banana). The ‘I’. and the ‘I’ is contained – overtly or covertly – in every thought. Think of a thought which in some way does not contain ‘I’. These are almost physical in character. this ego or personality. or completely out of our control? Who or what else other than this ‘I’ could do and achieve what is done? But what does the ‘I’ do? We can establish that it protects me and frightens me. ‘somewhere’ for the memory to store its information. In my mental body. Who gave this ‘I’ its authority? We can ask: Is this power completely under our control. it does so much. to the most significant. how I should talk. It governs everything from the most insignificant aspect of one’s life (for example. I-ness is different in that it does not have the quasi physical characteristics of its partners. The list of its decisions and their qualities is endless. determines my own self-importance. and ‘somewhere’ for the intellect to deliberate. On closer inspection. and when one enquires more deeply into its nature it becomes surprisingly illusive. or manages to divert attention away from itself. or even puts up obstructions to protect its discovery. life-changing decisions. thereby giving the impression that one has two selves to ‘talk’ and debate issues 22 . it’s always here.

that it is something separate. who by? We have said that this ‘I’ is a ‘queer fish’. every loving action. If this dis-ease can be found.Stuart Rose together. One reason why the ‘I’ is so strong. We will look at ways this can be done a little later. we think no-one else could have such terrors. whatever is required. so that it no longer remains a subtle influence disturbing our lifestyle. and if so. reflective thought 23 . and quite OK. It can be vicious and sweet. Is there full approval of the decisions this ‘I’ makes? Is there contentment with the lifestyle it has created? These may seem strange and alien questions indeed. Everyone has a light and dark side to their lifestyle. But we all do! That’s a fact. absolutely anything. to survive – every dirty trick. to identify clearly. is because of survival. and we can ask. I will do anything. it must be found and routed out if there’s going to be any chance of complete happiness. Knowing this may be consoling. which is difficult to put my finger on. we can engage with it to ‘satisfy’ the pain it creates. totally awful. ‘Where on earth did I get that thought from?’ We hide and never admit we have dreadful thoughts. it is more like an unease. but they need to be asked if one is going to be able to come to understand oneself more fully in order to know which direction the future lifestyle may take. such as some extraterrestrial or spirit basis to who we are? Can the influence of this ‘I’ be overruled if desired. maybe I’m not so bad after all. a disquiet. This is not exactly an unhappiness. it may give the thought: Well. It is a pain. It is only by much deep. It may surprise us with the thoughts that it thinks. The net cost of this is a deep or deeply concealed existential anguish or angst. and it can be quelled or dealt with. as we have indicated above. I value myself more than anything else. of this there is no doubt. Whatever the cost (except in exceptional circumstances). I have to survive. In fact. or does this ‘I’ feel as if it isn’t part of me at all.

there is one further happening that occurs without any input from ourselves. two aspects have not been mentioned in any detail. It occurs out of the blue. to be active. intellect and ego create and which we have already looked at. Again. it can make it rock solid. to sleep and be warm. How come we can love ourselves. Its effect is felt throughout both our physical and mental bodies. there is no choice. so to speak. However. or not experience love at all? How come we can experience love without relation to ourselves or others? Is it true that love is not dependent on time or place? Can love be forced? One thing is certain. although not essential. This is love. Without even the possibility of love. These are the essentials. and we are completely surprised. as a concluding question. Physically we have to eat and drink (and get rid of what’s not wanted). it can turn our lifestyle upside down. can we say that our lives and lifestyles would be lacking the most important ingredient? 24 . to have sex. That’s one side. it can destroy it! And there’s nothing whatsoever we can do about it. On the mental side. Sometimes it is welcomed. we can ask: Am I happy with how my ‘I’ is. how come we can fall in love with a particular person and not others. Is there anything more than the physical and mental? In all that’s been said about the physical and mental bodies. Next to these. It’s where we have no control or that which is beyond any control in our lives. is the instinct and need to procreate. to have a wide variety of physical pleasures. am I happy with the work it does? And finally. memory. the essential task is to survive – ‘I’ have to survive at all cost – and this need brings with it all of the mental means which the mind. Love is a major part of the lifestyle. could I do without it? c.Who Are You? Really! that this can be achieved. but we have to accept that it’s a ‘wild card’ played by unknown ‘external forces’. sometimes it is anticipated. and sometimes it ‘knocks us for six’.

or goes to live another life (human or something else). humanistic life) as it is being lived now. it seems certain that they play an important role in the development of their lifestyles – these beliefs involve the very nature of existence itself. surveys show that more than two-thirds of people believe that physical death is not the end of their existence. Individual (concluded) The door has now been opened to greater insight to how the lifestyle has been managed up until now. or is resurrected. and contains a ‘balance sheet’ of my merits and demerits earned during this and previous lives (the number of lives depending upon which ideas are believed). The idea is that it is this body which transmigrates after death to heaven. but for many they are not at all or only a little involved. we are concentrating our attention on this life. but we are concentrating on terrestrial life (in other words. and the strength of belief is strong and widespread. This third body is the spiritual body or soul. Many religions and spiritualities have these beliefs. but not all. and this idea needs to be raised here but not discussed in any depth.Stuart Rose Some people believe that we have a further body. or achieves a state of nothingness where there is no more transmigration. not anything else. For many people. regardless of beliefs. We are not ignoring them here. With regard to the lifestyle. As was said in the beginning of this section. as it is a very substantial subject. Where do we stand on this question? This spiritual body can be described as the sum total of me without the mind and physical body. The ideas are many. For example. and we are writing this book for all people. As so many people have such beliefs. that I come from or am – in one particular form or another – made by this God and left pretty much alone to live this life. spiritual ideas are deeply involved. and they are an outcome from the idea that God (or whatever word is used) is in some way separate from me. it is a little unrealistic to look in the 25 .

Who Are You? Really!

isolated way that we have because there are many influences to the development of the lifestyle, but this approach has aided our concentration on the core influence. Some wider influences will be met with in the following sections. We have found that, although imagined to be highly influential, the physical ‘me’ (my physical body), is perhaps not so influential after all. Most of all, it is the ego or I-ness which has been the main determiner, the principal dynamic force, to the evolution of ‘my’ lifestyle. Questions have been raised as to the satisfactoriness of this finding, and an opinion will have been formed as to how much we have been led by ‘forces’ that we were unaware of. There will now be a much clearer conclusion of whether change or modification needs to be enacted. We have purposely avoided engaging with the individual in a social context up until this point because it was more important to look inwards first. However, the individual is not usually an isolated, inward-looking being all of the time, but relates constantly with the four other bodies: family, social, national and international. There is a vibrant dynamic at play between the individual and the others, and we will look at the complexities and inter-relational issues they create.We are all well aware of the dramatic social changes which have taken place in the twentieth century and, to avoid repeating, these will be mostly talked about in the following section devoted to the family, to which our attention will now turn.

2. Family
There has been a clear distinction between the prevalence of a nuclear or an extended family between westerners and those from elsewhere, but this situation is changing as western values encroach further and further across the globe. Up until the Industrial Revolution, extended families were the norm in most countries, but since then they have declined to such an extent in the West that they are edging towards becoming a rarity. This is

Stuart Rose

now happening in many other places with the onset of the Technological Revolution, primarily in the cities. Even the meaning of the word ‘family’ has changed, and the word ‘group’ might be more accurate to use in some situations; similarly (but to a lesser extent), ‘marriage’ can be replaced with ‘partnership’. There is no necessity for blood ties between people involved in the group. What this means is that there has been a dramatic change in the lifestyles of huge numbers of people: stability of the traditional family unit has flown out of the window, and change is occurring mostly in one direction. Whereas the earlier family contained many people – four or even five generations together with siblings’ families – now it may contain between one and four persons – at most two generations and just a single family unit. One result of this in some countries is that there is a negative birth rate (where more people die than are born). It is not necessary here to look at why this situation has arisen, as we can leave sociologists to work it out; what we need to do is establish what some of the newer joys and difficulties are that influence today’s lifestyles. No matter how populated the family is or was, nor how gregarious its members, each person in that group has always been an individual – there always has been a need for some degree of privacy. In the smaller family, this is now almost forced upon its members – thought of as a positive if it surfaces as solitude, but more so as a negative if it is loneliness. In varying degrees, both are familiar to all people, and both influence the lifestyle. On the other hand, by living in a family or group, it is easy to live parts of the others’ lives instead of living one’s own simply because it helps avoid some of the problems encountered in fully living one’s own life. We can most easily do this by disproportionally living out our children’s lives. When people live together, it normally means that they have

Who Are You? Really!

relationships with one another. There are two principal types: blood or sexual. A difference between the two is that there is no choice of who is related to whom in blood relationships, but there is choice in who is the sexual partner. One view on this latter type is that if there is no sexuality involved, then it is not a relationship but more akin to a friendship or some such. Up to this point we have not talked about sexuality, yet in different ways it has very much to do with the physical and mental bodies, with being an individual, and being a family. Sexuality plays a substantial role in our lifestyle formation and management. In a broad sense, for many it is one of the highest pleasures in life. It also produces the most scruples and hangups! However, it is not the purpose here to talk about sexuality per se; we build our lives (and our lifestyles) principally around making ourselves happy, and pleasurability is one of the predominant factors in this happiness. In comparatively recent times, although not in every country or society, there has been substantial change involving sexuality: contraception and abortion is legal and available; homosexuality and prostitution are condoned; ‘soft’ pornography is accepted as part of life; many, many marriages end in divorce, which, in turn, has given rise to the dysfunctional family; sex before marriage is commonplace; marriage itself is no longer a social ‘necessity’, and many couples live together and build families this way. The size of family, as we have said, has also changed beyond recognition – the ‘cement’ which held the members together has been washed away, so to speak. Perhaps the principal cause of this is the desire for greater riches and for the ‘supposed’ concomitant rise in happiness and quality of life. Changing a job can involve changing a country, and the family unit is further eroded; riches may come, but not necessarily greater happiness – changing a job can often entail forced change of lifestyle for all family members. Children move away from parents, brothers and sisters move away from each other, grandparents are dispatched

Greater freedom (of movement. Much that has been said in the extensive first two parts is highly relevant to the lifestyle in these broader contexts. we might have given the impression that there is much greater freedom for everyone but. in the West. this is 29 . Greater freedom within the family itself also gives greater opportunity to expand one’s horizons. is not all doom and gloom. National. The world is not going to change its fast-flowing direction. 3. work colleagues. There is so much displacement occurring to today’s family: it’s no wonder that the lifestyle needs to change regularly to keep up. in reality. International. and. as most people have friends. However. The lifestyle today. associates. it is easier to follow a ‘pied piper’. and colleagues using video phones. but it can be far more satisfying to be one’s own ‘piper’ – if there is courage and a firm knowledge of oneself. and so forth. of course. extend beyond the family home. of individuality) can be directed to one’s advantage. and maybe further This final part of our section ‘Different Bodies’ combines the final three bodies and looks beyond. yet each person can. Relationships. this newfound ‘liberty’ may slow down (or move in a different direction) as new technology enables us to ‘meet’ with family. take a holiday on the opposite side of the world to where we live. move home every few years – nothing is static. can have a substantial impact on the lifestyle. And we haven’t even begun to explore space – ‘housing estates’ on the moon or planets other than Earth can’t be that far away! Up until this point. again. friends. social groups. And these. Mobility is one of the key factors: we can work many miles away from home. Yes. although faced with ‘shifting sands’ and unique ‘tests’. with which they are engaged in all kinds of ways. of morals. Social.Stuart Rose to retirement homes (if they haven’t already gone to one under their own steam).

and a prime reason for this is life’s material basis. Happiness itself still exists. creating more tensions such as impatience. We can look at what is binding us. crime is rampant. and the like. jobs are lost. Firm knowledge about oneself and the relative world releases some of it. smiling faces. depression. each of us has to defend ourselves more comprehensively. increasingly. and traffic jams making longer travelling time with more and ‘better’ roads and cars. if not all. competition is fierce. Everything is insecure and uncertain: marriages break up. New technology is designed to make our lives easier. Perhaps first and foremost is that we are bound by a greater degree of fear. cars crash. But if only the material is used to defend against the material we will never grow. but the reverse is the outcome! Surprisingly. frustration. to greed for more of it – fear is never far away. washing machines. It may well be that we are more bound than ever before in most. not more. from the inability to manage it. This black picture is being painted to make the point that. inabilities. and we suffer things like information glut with computers and the Internet. but seems harder to find and easier to lose. machines (cars. and these include anger. important areas. which all work together thereby exacerbating themselves to higher pitches such as road rage and suicide.Who Are You? Really! not the case. but the unconscious tension which fear creates needs something stronger. Fear also spawns yet more miseries. computers) break down. we have less time. This is why we are saying here that change or modification maybe needed due to the lifestyle: I am 30 . inconstancies) – there’s no end to the list! There is seemingly no escape from fear: it ‘lurks’ never far away hidden under our apparently happy. terrorists abound. new diseases are spreading. It is the material which is most under threat. (not to mention fears we have about ourselves: inadequacies. children are abducted. homes are lost through debt.

shopping (even for groceries) via the internet from home. ‘chat’ intimately with people we have never and are never likely to meet via email groups in the privacy and security of home – physical social interaction outside of the family or group is in sharp decline. in turn creating new challenges – but also new 31 . I have moved home several times? Feelings of alienation can arise. social or wider origin – now form one amorphous collection of individuals. I am no longer where I was born and brought up. Who or what will I be willing to die for – the children have gone. I maintain it. The different structures have dissolved. the country has changed. and I am the only way out of it. and sparsely about the social. national and international bodies. The individual’s interface with the other bodies and itself We have talked extensively about the individual. now they are starting to make the individual more isolated – working from home. and we become more citizens of the World – or Universe – rather than of a particular country. To talk more about the latter in isolation starts to become a history of the world and its new technologies. if they are all so distant and vague? Am I the only person whom I can serve. We know that these have made the world smaller by bringing people together more quickly.Stuart Rose the way into this situation. take-away meals ordered by phone delivered to the home. or my country. or merged. and does this satisfy my need? We feel lost: where do I belong? And who can I love with any certainty other than myself? My interaction with others is also alienated as it sometimes appears that those involved – whether from family. the feeling of patriotism and national identity will decline as nations form closer and closer links with each other. a little about the family. collapsed. Who can I serve? How can it be the family. my colleagues. What is more.

returning to the source. and I will never end the misery. or evolves from this source. 32 . never have a chance of being happier. Many of these cycles (the bodies we are discussing) occur in various sequences – it is a seemingly continuous process – which means that. I need to keep clarifying where I am. the physical body becomes less important as its public exposure reduces. There is an eternal cycle of which this situation is but another manifestation. The individual is simultaneously both expanding and shrinking! The home (as a physical place) – where we are – is becoming more important than ever. All of us will have experienced some of this and know that we are more on our own now than ever before. wants and needs. if I stand still. it is sustained by the source and breathes its life. do nothing. our engagement with it is reducing. one would go nowhere. I have to change. of this there is no question. more disposable. It’s an odd thing that while our ‘world’ (of interests) is getting bigger because it’s getting smaller (more accessible). as I exist in this momentum. At the same time. and finally evolved. and it is easier to change. only to be ‘re-born’. disintegrates. to be new again. We sit at home and watch it all – interacting with it – on the TV. especially so if children have left.Who Are You? Really! problems – regarding where I fit into it all. it declines. or the reason for marriage or partnership has come under question. but there are fewer and fewer people in it. were sustained. and how much happened outside of our control – how much just occurred almost of its own volition. We can notice clearly the cycles we have been through: how they began. The crucial ‘mover’ in all of this was I-ness: our desires. the world will pass me by or sink me in its surge. Without the ‘I’. It can be likened to a smooth flow which appears the opposite when viewed in isolated sections. One way of describing it is to say that all and everything begins from a source. We can establish just how much of what happened was our doing.

habits. why are so many points and factors given in the following assemblage? For this. expectations. Or is it? Does one interact in different ways according to the situation.Stuart Rose just as. iv) a river is ‘made’ by raindrops. This I-ness interacts with all the bodies. methods. the animal after eating just stands still or lies down and only moves again if pushed or hunger re-appears. some mixtures and combinations of these. in different ways: it is very versatile. or is one bound by set patterns of behavior which automatically ‘switch in’? Is the individual even losing the ability to think for her or himself? How has this happened? The point each of us must come to is one of clear decision: in this direction. even its own physical body. but the factors. or not? Can it be improved and made happier. and so forth. and habits. guidelines. ii) a cloth is made of threads. but the metal parts are not the bicycle itself. and we can mix and match what comes to mind to our heart’s content. we have given 112 pointers which paint and describe qualities. when it becomes necessary to bring change or modification to the lifestyle. the answer is: i) a house is built with bricks. wrong movements. a lifestyle is made from many factors. iii) a bicycle is made from metal parts. or not? Should I change my lifestyle. behavioral patterns. dislikings. abilities and capabilities. and v) in the same way. or that. is my life working as I want it to. but bricks are not the house itself. on the theme of ‘lifestyle’. experiences. and habits are not the lifestyle itself! Because of any reason. inner motors. identifications. guiding forces. or not? How can I start to move forward? In the next section. It can be likened to a huge wardrobe full of clothes to try on. it is then the questions arise: how to do it and what to do it for? And we have already 33 . but the threads are not the cloth. points. One could ask. points. for example. likings. but the raindrops are not the river itself.

will be more or less. etc. and the cause of the cause. ‘maybe’. the lifestyle of a dead person and a living one are possible to compare. All these many points and factors are directly or indirectly concerned with our own decisions. From where and when can the change or modification start? To change the house. is not inside? Which points or factors are missing? Write and tell me (the address is at the end). as there must be some extra points or factors which could be added to this list. which type of material can be used for which purpose. Can one say that the picture of anyone’s lifestyle. then it should be ‘by the self’. disturbances and their cause. in differing proportions. but the lifestyle of a person not yet born is not possible to predict and compare! What is possible to predict? The percentage of pain. ‘for the self’. how can we repair or renovate. suffering. as well as looking at experiences from the past and present lifestyles. ‘in case of’. places. and how much is enough? It is better to have some idea. when it is important to bring about change or modification to the lifestyle. A lifestyle is ‘by the self’. and ‘for one’s own self’. even mine. Who is the final deciding authority? 34 . even though they might not relate directly to each person. For example.Who Are You? Really! started our approach to these. Each of us can discover for ourselves how all these elements are interconnected in different ways. So. some goal. ‘for the self’. Many points and factors need to be thought about. ‘through the self’. ‘perhaps’. at different times. by using such words as ‘if’. problems. and ‘through the self’. and occasions. We must be clear about what we’re doing so it’s worth repeating. how many bricks will need to be changed or modified? Similar questions can also be applied to other examples: just how long is a piece of string? What is more. even though the goalposts may change or move repeatedly during the process of this work.

in a certain and particular way. and read them over and over again – take thinking time to establish points for development and growth from what is said. or do we just think we do? What is the attitude towards oneself? Is there force to be like this. be relaxed.Stuart Rose Chapter Three The following pages represent highly intensive thinking material. you are a rascal taking me on endless adventures. these each of us need to add. 35 . Yet what is said might unnecessarily cause a diversion and only hinder what is brought to mind. enjoy the show. one with minimum unwanted disturbances. or are we putting on false ‘airs’: is there pretence. to live.) 1 Attitude to do To behave. not an actor – maybe it’s better to ‘sit back’ and watch the show. Take time to go through each Pointer. to start to expand it. mostly in the form of questions. The reader must decide. That is the hope. This thinking material is given to help come to a better understanding of ourselves to enable a healthier and happier life. and you are convincing that it’s me in the play. which may help and guide getting to the point or points of the Pointer. a response or commentary is given. think truly. or is the person under the microscope really like what they want to be? Do we really live as what is seen. or is it a natural occurrence. After each of the Pointers. not be hurt or pleased by any of its events. Think laterally. (Who is it living like this or that? Are we like what we see. but most of all. The responses are not in any detail of particular life events or personal understanding. tangentially. 112 Pointers to a Brighter Lifestyle Just See what Rises in the Mind and Play (O mind.

(What’s the difference between adjusting and adapting? What does the dictionary say? Does adapting mean more of a change than simply adjusting what already is? Is it possible to adapt to different situations. this life is just right. how we behave? What does the word ‘attitude’ mean? So many similar questions about oneself!) 2 Adjustment It’s natural to adjust. or is there a reserve. It’s as crucial as that. After adapting it. and how much needs adjusting if the decision is made to adjust? Which part of this life is really OK.) 3 Adaptation To have. an increase in happiness. Is there something to gain or lose by adapting? Yes. afterwards there can be contentedness. But is there a risk of the reverse? What to do?) 4 Acceptance For certain things. In any case. Take the easy route. why bother to adjust? This life will be alright in the end. How to decide. and which part needs attention? We must be honest with ourselves. is for pleasure and 36 . an unwillingness? Identify which situations they are. Well. a little contentment is possible. are smooth for us on the inside. If only things had been different.Who Are You? Really! without personal influence? Is it known what other people think of how we live. Yet if there’s no adjustment. so that the existing lifestyle or future performance and activities and so forth. but why does one need to adjust? Does one need to have less disturbance in the life. almost so. or to be more comfortable? Why adjust? (No need to. survival may not be possible. or to procure what one doesn’t have. with certain purpose.

and is the indifference hot or cold? Is there an in between?) 37 . what is wanted to be accepted and what not? Then the question can be asked: why this way or why the other way? Which is right? Is there a right and wrong? But then there’s another way of looking at acceptance. or are we open? Or are we both. (It’s a choice. isn’t it. or is it more concerning about the subject.) 5 ‘Openness’ To receive with closedness is very difficult. and is that why it’s required? At this time. it seems there might be an inconsistency here: is there a pattern to when we are open and when we are closed. there can be happiness. In the reverse. more in focus. one way limited. but this needs to be thought about. there can be unhappiness. how is agreement possible. and am I separate or a part of it? The ego or personality might insist that there is separateness from the source. Either way. it’s not good. or does it manifest as half-hearted and so of less value or even valueless? Is there tranquillity. Does it matter about the object. when there’s agreement. along with 4 and 5. happy. the other way unlimited.Stuart Rose happiness. or does being generally in agreement make no difference to us? Can we be indifferent to what occurs. oneself? To explore this further. welcoming. it is required. receiving can be uncritical. it gives bad feelings. bad faith. (Yes. dissatisfaction. Where is what is being faced coming from. are we better people. and in it. depending on what mood we’re in? Openness is expansive. and is the pattern based on outside influences or internal ones? And what has fear got to do with the answer?) 6 To agree Again this is required. contentedness. but what happens if there’s no agreement? If there’s no openness and acceptance. (Are we closed off.

creates a bridge or passage for movements of energy: to have. has one ever enough. Does interest mean dissatisfaction with what one has. making possible (bridging) the way forward. (The interest that is received on one’s savings or activities is not what is meant here. (Are we ever completely free or is freedom always a compromise? Is there freedom in a group of people together. whether we like it or not and regardless of the result. nobody we like. Is it what’s on offer. Becomes also the cause of habit formation. the choice. a family or society for example. was it a good choice or not so good? When do we abstain from choosing? How do we know?) 8 Use of freedom For better living with maximum enjoyment. and no interference and disturbance from others. like a glue. nothing good to buy. Have we done this in the past? In retrospect. (Just like being at a restaurant when there’s nothing that takes one’s fancy. or is the most freedom always solitary? Which is preferred? Is there happiness on one’s own. to achieve some things. or is greater happiness found with others? What has pleasure got to do with this? Nothing or everything? Is freedom pleasurable. to get. nothing appetizing. is 38 . but only when the choice is sufficient. or is fun better? And what is meant by ‘better living’? Is it possible?) 9 Interest A binding agent. nothing we want to do. Or is it? Interest can be creation: one develops a liking for something or somebody.Who Are You? Really! 7 Use of choice Right to select is possible. or are we not in the right frame of mind to make a rewarding choice? Are all choices rewarding? Maybe we have to make the choice out of what there is. and that liking is the interest upon which action is built.

and indifferent? Can we control them. and how is moderation possible?) 10 Feeling As a base of thinking. or is to have no feelings. bad. or who is it that rules the roost? If we cannot control them. do we know. Why do we like what most other people like? Is it because it’s easier to adopt an existing value. than developing something truly unique. (What is there no feelings about. watch the same TV programmes. can anyone or anything influence them. impossible? Is there a clear definition of what a feeling is. or are feelings of all sorts: good.Stuart Rose the habitual building of bridges good or not so good? Is the extreme an addiction. (Is each of us unique or are we all essentially the same? O. and is any addiction good? What’s the honest answer. to show own uniqueness – speciality – through this. then can we trust them as a guide? And what of feelings upon which we’ve made important decisions. priority is given in looking to certain things. truly ourselves? Is it because we are fearful of being different? Do we lack the courage of our convictions to be unique?) 39 . or were there a few surprises? How can we trust ourselves? Is there a way?) 11 Value system Importance is given on a certain basis. and so forth. but we are all different because we each have unique value systems – this is why so many people shop at supermarkets and so basically eat the same food in the same way. it is why so many of us wear ‘unique’ designer clothes. was the result as planned. a popular value. however slight. decision. or like a guide. and action: works as a guiding force.

or do we do something concrete to make it come about? When we’ve thought about it and done things to make something happen. often. freeing or stifling. How is it possible to tell when one is stuck in repeating routines and. if it becomes like a rut. closed. we can say.Who Are You? Really! 12 Determination Or. and what are its negative aspects? Does a routine lead to an ordered life. (Are we determined not to be happier? We can stay put as we are for the rest of our lives. or does not having one lead to a chaotic life? Routine may be thought of as beneficial. Just to repeat and repeat! (Are routines good or bad. or all of the time? Do we have the courage to not stand still. who or what actually produced the result – did we achieve the result unaided. do we just hope it will and wait for it. or what was the help we received? Do we 40 . or stubbornness. insistence. Is that OK? Unwillingness to even consider change must be considered detrimental to leading a full life. to be open to change even when things are going alright. fixed. or can they be both? What is the benefit of a routine in our lives. for particular reasons it becomes a set pattern of certain movements. a little like a bonsai tree that hardly grows because it isn’t given enough space to spread its roots. occasionally. what help do we need?) 14 Making it happen Goal-oriented movement or activity from thinking. for not having some changes very often. deciding. firmness. and acting in a particular way. And how often should change be considered: once in a blue moon. but it may also lead to becoming stuck. (If we want something particular to happen in our lives. when life is comfortable?) 13 Following a regular routine Once the programme is started. how can we get out of it.

we can improve our standard of living. where will this lead? Can this be called living a lie. does it matter that we keep similar to others. If the outer is strong but the inner weak. or on what does the answer depend?) 15 Improving the standard of living Through achievements. and. There is nothing wrong in making life more comfortable. (It seems important to maintain our outer appearance. sometimes to the detriment of our inner life. outer level – but there is a strong inner base or satisfaction. but nevertheless found that the people were happier than us. are the results always the same. but how can we make our life happier. what can be done to shift the balance of positive effort from the outer life to the inner? Will changes need to take place? If so what needs to be done to give the inner greater strength and satisfaction? Can we risk weakening the outer life?) 17 Responsibility Feeling of responsibility. (Yes. one after the other. what would happen if we didn’t?) 16 For inner satisfaction Somehow it may look like unhappiness – no satisfaction outside.Stuart Rose always make things happen in the same way. which has some force and control. and can there ever be real satisfaction and happiness living in this way? If this is the case. to be similar like others. how can we become more content? Further. or do we normally try different ways for the same ends? Which way is better. but does this improve just the physical side of our lives? Are we happier through our efforts? Many will have visited poorer countries where standards are much lower than ours. but internally we are unhappy. if externally we appear to be happy. maybe all of our lives are spent doing this. if we do. 41 . upgrading little by little.

each Pointer contains differences and links to the others which. to do in accordance with own wishes and will. so can we take this for granted and get on with the job of designing our lives? Yes or no? But if we didn’t create the 42 . or at the bottom? What responsibilities do we have for ourselves? How does each of the responsibilities we have influence (restricting or freeing) our lives? Is this voluntarily acceptable or forced?) 18 Allowance First to oneself. but do we set. If we are free to do as we wish. activity or performance. invent or build our own conditions or does ‘someone’ else? If the answer is ‘not me’. similar self-questioning has been raised and will again below. somewhere in the middle. which is asking us to think whether we are ever completely free?) 19 Conditions Internal or external environmental condition (any type of environment) which becomes the designer of ‘life design’! (We have a mind and a body. (Do we allow ourselves the freedom to do and live how we want. for our home. or parents? Alternatively. likes and wants. go towards building a comprehensive picture of ourselves. then who creates the conditions whereupon the design of life evolves. for example. who is it that chooses what to do. once met with. or does it matter if the answer is known or not? The internal and external environments exist. or facilities? Can these be prioritized from most responsible to least? And where does each of us fit into the list? Are we at the top.Who Are You? Really! along with some restrictions on movement. children. is the responsibility we feel more materially based. (Who are we primarily responsible for. or is our life full of compromises? Do we value ourselves sufficiently to be able to fulfill our wishes or what is it that obstructs us? In previous Pointers. However. supply of provisions. is it one’s partner.

so to speak? Where can we get the strength and power from to do this? Do we have it within?) 21 Can and can’t Guideline for doing. we realize our limits. it gives the shape. and a sea fish. A fish cannot do this type of demonstration! (Are we able but have no capability. and we know it. to show. to demonstrate strength and power. or are we capable but have no ability? Maybe we have both these skills. In which situations do we have both. can we learn to become ambidextrous. and is there a pattern to this? As the pointer says. In this analogy. Where are we most limited. that is we don’t know what it’s for. capability To swim in both types of water. is it possible to work at bringing some of the ‘can’ts’ towards the upper part of the list? Doing this. isn’t it!) 20 Ability. emotional. ‘sweetish and saltish’. then how then can we successfully design the life? Puzzling. (Words from the past are heard clearly: there’s no such word as can’t! But some things just aren’t achievable. and to do according to this guideline. or where? We can make a list with ‘cans’ at the top and the ‘can’ts’ at the bottom. and in which situations do we have either one or the other. after knowing one’s own limits. the reverse. Once this is seen. the maxim above is helpful in bringing us to work harder at seeing ways to overcome our limitations.Stuart Rose environment (for example this mind and body). it requires effort to 43 . a freshwater fish cannot survive in salt water. depending on the situation.) 22 Discipline It creates the frame. or a mixture of the variations. in what areas of life: practical. intellectual.

we tried the best we could’.Who Are You? Really! maintain for whatever it is. it won’t do any harm’. and not to consider To achieve what is fixed and decided by one or more than one. but for others. ‘Oh well. to make it easier to move forward. but isn’t it the case we always have the personal satisfaction that. albeit on the same theme. Do we select one of these three when making a decision that is difficult. but at some point or points in our lives. do we say. to be ready to do as per the wish and will of others. involved in some of the considerations about what to take into account when making a decision. we surrender and sacrifice – or perhaps more likely partially give up or compromise – our own desires to another’s benefit. (Everything we do is for our personal gain in some form or other. is it good. or is it thought to be unnecessary and valueless. half-hearted discipline. it’s more difficult and here we say: ‘just one more cream cake. yes or no? Without it or with partial discipline. bad or is there indifference? Do we get where or what we want without it. ‘I did it’? If so. And we suffer the consequences. then only is it possible to get and enjoy the result. (Discipline or self-control is natural for some. what needs to happen for complete surrender to take place? Is it possible to let the whole of the individual will go? What would this entail?) 24 To neglect. (The Pointer contains three slightly different approaches. that life doesn’t need it? What is the experience of purposely applying discipline to one’s life. It may be at any cost for certain and specific purposes or reasons. Is this true? We may think we give everything in certain circumstances. Is that satisfactory?) 23 Surrender To give up resistance. Is discipline thought to be beneficial and necessary. to ignore. or when we know the outcome is already decided or over which 44 .

or it may be that this search is for something we already have but don’t realize. is it nonessential. why are we valuing what we don’t have and have never thought of having until we see someone else with it? Is where we are in life where we want to be regardless of anyone else?) 26 Manipulation To have it. without breaking out of the mould. that is only considering things from a limited or partial perspective. or are we forced to use it to survive? In what type of situation can manipulation be ethically or morally correct? Now look in practice: do we use it.Stuart Rose we have no influence? Or is this our normal way of getting through life. when do we use it. requires this skill of manipulation. Yet we can feel that it’s inappropriate to ask for help because we each have to live our own lives in our own way. How can we find this out? Or alternatively. at any cost. to achieve it. do we feel good. and what others might say can be misleading. (It’s easy to get stuck. without making the effort to fully consider all that we could?) 25 To remain ‘in search of’ Feeling of missing out of what others are having. to not be able to work out for oneself the way forward. do we value the result of using it as much as we would by using a different. so to speak. This sense of incompleteness may be correct. by any way. non-manipulative method? Is life all about getting it no matter what the cost for oneself or others?) 45 . but how do we feel about it in theory? Is it a good or bad characteristic? Is it an essential quality to get successfully through life. how can it be possible to have it. (Manipulation is an art perfected by some to achieve their goal. just getting by with the minimum amount of input. bad or indifferent about using it.

tipping the balance between what can be accepted and what cannot. where the weak side is. This is the way to contentment. To do immediately? (It is easy to think about justice for others. (Life isn’t difficult. but our lives can be ones of continual suppression of the truth. Difficulty in adjustment. or what can we do to live fully in the truth. what has to change?) 28 To complain To point out certain things for improvement. past experience (as a guide) gives the guidance. with some reason and purpose behind. what we have done – to whom can we address these complaints? Inner complaints must be self-criticisms. it’s easy. but do we complain about things inside. to locate where the injustice is. such as the way we are.) 29 To fight for justice To search. and to show that it’s easy and comfortable. always successful. but how can we assess whether something is just or unjust for ourselves? How can we see the difference between the two objectively? Talking to others can help. how can we be sure that something is just or 46 . and to be a lawyer for that side. so for some reason – perhaps because we might feel inadequate for certain tasks in life or in certain situations – we hide the inner truth and wear a perfect mask. which in turn can be the motivation to change in such a way that there are no more complaints. a piece of cake – it’s always happy. but if there are no others. and this unhappiness is quite strong. Is this the way we want our life to be. how we think. Better to suppress. (If we complain we are unhappy about something. showing that everything’s ticketiboo. always comfortable! Is this how our life is? Normally it’s not. We live a lie and die without revealing or realizing the truth. It’s rarely like this. We can complain about lots of things outside with the purpose of making them more acceptable.Who Are You? Really! 27 Just to suppress For this.

and fair. (When we feel we are the protector it means that we feel strong or at least have some strength. the weaknesses and strengths. the weak one. or actions. We have an instinct to survive and. clear and fair.Stuart Rose unjust? We must become our own lawyer and weigh up the facts and feelings. If selfinjustice is left. to change the status quo?) 47 . if we just don’t like what we have decided. if we want. are they worth protecting. but no. and then also be our own judge to give a fair and impartial ruling. what value do our weaknesses have for us. appeal against our self-judgement? Yes. or to crumple under its weight. responding at the same level simply prolongs the agony.) 30 Feeling of fair To get disturbance from unfair behaviour. nothing is solved. It’s the most substantial defence. Throughout life. within this. life will never be settled. is the ability for selfprotection. What happens when we are attacked? What are the emotions that immediately rise up? Is it to ‘hit’ straight back. in every aspect. clear and fair defends against all disturbances. even though we may also have weaknesses. Try to remain clean. Can we then. if we find new evidence. results. protect them? But we must ask ourselves. what good are they? Can we throw them out as rubbish or re-build them with greater strengths or are we loathe to let them go.) 31 To be a protector A ‘sense to protect’ the weak side. clear. (No matter what another person might unfairly do to you or say about you. or will it make no dent in our ‘armour’? Which is best? Solid levelness is the ideal state. so how do we achieve this? What needs to occur within us? Our strength will be found in always being clean. to remain clean. for both sides of the ‘case’. Do we know our weaknesses well enough so that we can always be ready to support them.

respectively). hilarious. busy. and most importantly. is in tune with. Does each of us have it. Who is the most needy of our love if it is not ourselves?) 33 ‘Spiritual behaviour’ and no seriousness In day-to-day life activity other than the spiritual field. thoughts and behaviour? Can we identify what is spiritual and what is not? Spiritual does not mean religious. affections. to keep. male tendencies in a female. (Is there a separation or distinction between spiritual and day-today activity. not seriously. anything or any matter related to life (don’t mind behaviour). consider others as our own. (Another protecting instinct is the mother instinct – the nurturing capability. but all people? Psychology talks of the anima and animus (female tendencies in a male. a specific way of being. not just some or most women. having both the anima and animus? We can nurture ourselves. melancholic. to promote the well-being of all. self-fulfilling. this is something entirely different. incorporates. Spiritual behaviour can be like most other types of behaviour but with one important difference in that it understands. It is not narcissistic. too. to consider others as children (like one’s own). and caring to develop towards the needy. but much more selfvaluing. and just plain normal.) 48 . to show. teach ourselves. we can love ourselves. just like life as a whole is many qualities at different times. This self-love is vitally important to our growth. It’s an outlook. And these can be all ‘colours’: joyful. not all of the time. peaceful.Who Are You? Really! 32 Mother instinct Allow emotions. Can we consider ourselves to be in some way our own mother. to suckle. way of conducting our lives which doesn’t have to be sombre or serious. at least. sad. the ‘deep’ truths about life. To take it is easy. to be with ‘spiritual behaviour’.

and to perceive what is not there as if it is there? To be clean. in its own form. realized where it is.Stuart Rose 34 Reflection is Real. it enables our survival. it is safer to stay aboard. wants to be. dependent on the existence of the mirror? What is real is that which has no reflection. it’s real enough straight from the fridge. Everyone tries to be. free from fear. activities. from this it’s easy to see fear is a roundabout spinning so fast that it’s impossible to get off. change being too risky? If so. or like a thought or a tree and even a person. the center for all. It is difficult to know how it is inside. to perceive as what is not there. happy. functions. since how long it is. and what does this result in? Is fear deeply imbedded thereby ensuring that we never contemplate change. but a few minutes later it has melted and is no more. (What is real? To answer this we must first establish what is meant by the word ‘real’. it says ‘look out’ and then we can react to avoid or face the danger. What is this?) 35 Fear A basic instinct which becomes the controlling agent sometimes. Fear is our protection. Until it is recognized. Real spelled with a capital ‘R’ infers it may not mean what one immediately thinks. in which way it is. it is all the time more like a best companion with one! (What is it we are frightened of? The answer to this can be: things and people which threaten our well-being in some way. there is no mirror What is there to consider. manifests in many different ways connected and related with many various fields. Real means permanent and unchanging as opposed to real which is temporary – like an ice cream. Fear is both beneficial and detrimental. why it is. and as the ‘best companion’ it may need to be 49 . What is Real in life? Is everything that we think as real a misconception? Is our reality merely a reflection and fleeting. and systems. How much of our lives is governed by fear. What is real about all these? Real has to be solid. and the center of all.

In fact. methods. country. to store. (It’s important to fully understand the meaning of words we use. after that. to keep. maybe. by certain tools.Who Are You? Really! relegated. Knowledge and ignorance refer to worldly matters. to keep some alternatives ready. proof and evidence is needed to establish factual knowledge. for worldly matter. child.) 36 Proof and evidence This is the source of real knowledge. the mundane? How is it that things occur to us seemingly out of the blue? Wisdom is different because it’s not based on worldly matters. but are we ever caught napping without something up our sleeves to protect us? Where or when might we never need to have something in reserve saved up for a rainy day or blue moon? Can we have an alternative to ourselves? Can we have an alternative partner. is wisdom always true. mother or father. (This is obvious. not on facts and figures. Knowledge has its opposite in ignorance. perhaps. and just in case something happens to something for which there isn’t an alternative. knowledge cannot exist without ignorance. what are we going to do?) 38 To identify with that. better to have. or ideal? Sounds funny. to grow. for verification of the knowledge. to collect. body. or is there something else? Are we ruled by what is measurable. then what to do? So. means. home. what has not to be! To establish oneness. always reliable?) 37 To have ‘alternatives’ Just in case of. doesn’t it? There is very little of importance that we can have alternatives for. and vice versa. but can we be certain that wisdom exists? If it does. to develop with that and in that 50 . to facts and figures and the like. put more in perspective. Is life completely comprised of knowledge and ignorance. planet. parameters.

suffocating. (Do we know when to let go of things. just to put some suitable colour. life is too ordinary. to make it appear different from what it actually is. and it feels nice and comfortable some times. for which words are useless? And once we have worked this out. or do we get too attached (superglued). Can there be something other than ‘that’? If ‘that’ is oneness. After that inseparable. but at others it feels claustrophobic. fear of 51 . then we can look to see how and why we have superimposed the color/spicy/tasty attributes. what is the matter with reality? As in the previous Pointers. so we add seasoning. or which we can relate to in some way. we need to establish what is real in our lives and where we have superimposed something to camouflage it. in a smooth way. What makes us hang on to things and people and ideas? Is it fear: fear of being left alone. so we add color. what can be other than one? Can we grow and develop in oneness. so we invent stories to make it exciting.Stuart Rose established oneness. fixation ‘Fix in a second’. we can then approach the second part of the Pointer to discover what has not to be when there is ‘that’. for the time being! (To understand this Pointer we must know what is meant by ‘that’. (The food is too plain. about which other words can give this ‘that’ some characteristics or features which we might recognize or have an inkling of. What is it in our lives which cannot be described. What is real about us? After answering this. Is there anything real about us?) 40 Tendency to hold. what it is. the room is too dull. making it impossible or very difficult to let go? Our lives fill with attachments. or does something else need to occur? What is one?) 39 Superimposition Instead of perceiving as it is. to make it tasty. to add some more spices. to hold it in a loose way. Why do we make things appear unreal. ‘That’ is a word which identifies that which cannot be identified. We can start with ourselves.

Then. for example. We can imagine in advance of this exercise what is our most valuable. This doesn’t mean getting completely rid of the normal self. To change our attitude to holding essentially means letting go. Then there is clarity. without the machinations of the normal mind there is peace. it might even not be someone closest to us. to preserve. and it won’t be in any way material. to store inside. that we would most wish to preserve. everything used to store them will be scrupulously clean.) 42 Preservation At a deeper and deeper level. as if clearing a steamed up room. and freedom. or however this might be described. to keep. Most likely it will be the truth of our inner being. joyfulness. fear of oneself? The middle way is to use a weaker glue so making it easier to dispense with the unwanted fetters. we take great care to clean them thoroughly and cook them fully as the menu dictates. on the contrary. to see what else is there. that’s not possible. (What is it that we want most to preserve? Make a list in ascending order and see what’s top. Then we put them somewhere out of sight in an environment most conducive to their longevity. how to go about preserving it? If we are preserving plums. There is no danger in doing this. to eat like chewing gum! (How is it possible to be with something which isn’t there? When it is said that it isn’t there. it’s more an understanding. but once put to one side. We have met with a similar conundrum above. but it doesn’t mean it is not there at all. The ‘seeing’ is not visual. but 52 . it means not in one’s normal everyday consciousness. too. And many people chew imaginary chewing gum! To reach this state we have to clear all our normal ways of being. How much can be let go? Can everything go?) 41 To be with that which is not there This means to be with that absence of a particular or specific presence. so to speak.Who Are You? Really! not having enough.

We can easily accept the idea of never finishing. But does it end there? Is this network floating around on its own in space. (In the previous Pointer. So. with the truth of our inner being.) 43 Different levels Connections and inter-connections to these levels. too. and to be happy with a new start each time.Stuart Rose also somewhere that their ‘health’ can be monitored. These levels might be looked upon as separate ‘bits’ which go to make up the whole individual. Or is everything simply one continuum?) 53 . levels of liking. just like an unbreakable network. levels of value. is life itself complete or is it always unfinished? Some people believe there are more lives to live after we die. we may have noticed that its contents could be classified into different levels – levels of importance. we can be happy because otherwise we would be eternally unhappy. when making our list. and we can ask. or liking (or even disliking). or to a new life. (Is this the story of our lives? Is this satisfactory? Why does it happen? Perhaps everything in our lives is incomplete. Whichever is the case. for example. which means that whether. creating an unbreakable network. but it will also be apparent that there is a ‘glue’ holding them all together. This highlights the idea that we are comprised of a multitude of levels each with a particular importance. or moving to a new home. so to speak. almost unendingly. or is it attached to something else? How many connections to this something else can be established?) 44 To start and not to finish But to start again and again. we can never know the answer to whether something is complete or not. value. it’s changing a brand of soap. but this also begs the question whether there is ever a start to things.

) 54 . (What’s really wrong with how we are? The ultimate dissatisfaction might be that we have to die. to be dissatisfied. even at living this life with happiness – there’s time enough to work towards a happiness. swinging from one to the other and back again. by any way. Is this true? Does happiness always have to be in the future? What about having it now because. a wish It becomes a dream. at any cost! Enjoyment of finishing gives the feeling of Happy Ending! Many starts. much to finish and end. from the truth of it all? Time-pass. What for? What do we really gain from this activity. What can we do about this fact of life? Absolutely nothing is the answer. to keep. a hope. We try to satisfy smaller dissatisfactions and these activities turn life into a seesaw. it can turn it into something completely fulfilling. and this wisdom automatically dispels dissatisfaction. And we can have many attempts. is the answer. mother of creativity – that’s why it’s better to remain.Who Are You? Really! 45 Dissatisfaction To use as a motor to move. which keeps life full of distractions from its real purpose. an expectation. there is. with grace and blessings. or is there one? Yes. it should be. that life is finite (although many nearing the end are glad life’s nearly over). right here. and a wish that it may be. but can we ever be satisfied if we are dissatisfied? The outcome of anything can never be assured which is why we hope and wish for the outcome we want. Does it give much happiness? (Similar to above Pointer but what is meant by ‘happy’? What is the difference between ‘happy’ and ‘satisfied’. We can be happily dissatisfied. if it exists in the future. Yet being dissatisfied can be turned into the motivation to discover more about life. more about who we are. with effort and support.) 46 Happy Ending. it must also exist right now.

Diverting the wish. to complete the other one. closed. crying. to find out. breathing. and to manage it later on. to keep it open After finishing. to be busy. Not to have satisfaction from one’s own work is sufficient enough to stop. moving. to stop. Preference to do the work after starting the other one. unfinished. but of that which will never be finished. and we might add talking. or stopped. to complete. to finish. with keeping one work or commitment after starting in an unfinished state! It may be a thesis or any type of work!! (Life is always comprised of doing something and this doing can never be stopped. not complete things. sleeping. and ‘chaos’ is not giving any disturbance. To programme. to finish.) 48 From simple to complex. The list can include: eating. to complete.Stuart Rose 47 Not to finish. to complete. instead of starting one. everything stops. from clean-clear to chaos! This is the progressive growth or development which gives challenges all the time to be inside. thinking. to close. to be with it. to complete? Let it remain open. to finish. What is it that we cannot stop? First is. to maintain a list of work to finish. and more too. After some period. engaged in such a way that. The list of things to do rarely ends because no sooner than certain things are complete new ones surface. to close. to close. defecating. seemingly out of nowhere. because. to stop. 55 . to close. Make a list of things which we do (not things which happen automatically such as growing and heart beating). laughing. but there are other things we cannot stop doing. to stop. to work in such a way. How much is ‘enough’ is difficult to judge. what will happen? Why is it necessary to close. the force to finish. the next one is completed. if that stops. To keep. perhaps. drinking. to stop. from one side to the other. To have or to take advantage of ‘kept it open’. urinating. the ‘complex’ does not remain as difficult. finished.

so we make it complex by turning it into an impossible ‘knot’ and we cannot find the ends of the string to unravel it. right now. to where there is complexity and chaos (at any level) – there it is possible to be! It gives the feeling of comfort through its familiarity. The work is to clear away the diffusion. development. (How is it possible to get back to where we started from. What causes all this? The answer is simple. gives irritation and force to move opposite to it. where it is not.) 50 Each time difficult becomes easy. Difficult is ‘opposite of this opposite’! So. where it is! Simplicity. after deciding to change.Who Are You? Really! (Simple is too simple for our liking. and how will we find out where that is? These two important questions can form the basis of changing the lifestyle. yet we know it’s shining because of the light. so easy was difficult Each time. because the original self is nowhere other than right here. but clouds obscure the sun. and to be there. in fact we like to remain bound. for the beginner to start any new thing or activity. we need to find our original selves. but it can also be complex if we allow it – it is the mind. but we allow it to become so through our personalities or egos which delight in misunderstanding and enjoy creating disturbance. It’s so easy to fall from the clean-clear original into the chaos of confusion. seems a most difficult 56 . super-complexity and best chaos! Sign of perfect growth. Don’t take our word for this. just look inside – analogously it is daylight. clean and clear where it is. The mind is not complicated. Can the mind be controlled or are we completely at the mercy of its games? Who’s in charge?) 49 Not to be there. during progressive growth or development. The way out of the muddle is not to re-trace our steps. We have spent our lifetime consciously creating distractions and diversions and now. not to re-live the past.

learning to know who we are. the greatest force. to drive a car. the greatest persuasion. to be oneself. so better to avoid this and to continue with the old one. and the result. and things must be sold to survive. Now it becomes more and more easy. ‘to get a kick’. also becomes less and less. the excitement. What is it that will give us the necessary strength? Is there a helping hand? Look within.) 51 Challenge and excitement Now. to read.. difficulties become less and less. who will be there? Who do we want to be there? Who is always there to help and guide us? That’s the first step. At the start of thinking about changing the lifestyle. etc. So the first step needs the greatest motivation. it needs constant stimulation of the new and then it happily follows the diversion. or work. job. neither giving excitement. so it’s not even started. What changing the lifestyle entails is stepping off the roundabout of how we currently are while it’s still moving. waiting. it looks like ‘to jump 57 . It’s a self-perpetuating circle. So the close becomes more and more! (This is how the mind works. Once the new becomes familiar. work. learning to bake a cake. project. This means that the first step is the hardest and subsequent steps become easier and easier. That takes courage: ‘what if I stumble and fall. its ‘challenging portion’ also becomes less and less. for more excitement and a new challenge. better to start some new activity.Stuart Rose task. who’s going to be there to pick me up?’ Well. Remember how it was when making the first attempt to ride a bicycle. game. it seems an impossible task. as it doesn’t remain as challenging. everything that is required will be found ready.) 52 Boring and monotonous should not be This is a parameter to start something new. to swim. It’s how and why advertising works! Boring doesn’t sell. learning to drive a car. It can be done. (It’s the same with learning to ride a bicycle.

Who has caught us? We have caught ourselves and are our own jailors. once it becomes familiar it becomes old. ‘knee-jerk’ reactions. fearing being left out of the crowd but also fearing standing out from the crowd. We can learn from looking at how we made changes in the past that were successful. not on what it doesn’t know: it buys her a new perfume. Spontaneous decisions can be unwise. fearing boredom and monotony. or still). We’re caught. and we get sucked into the game. and we have already made up our mind before their exposure to the world. we can just walk out and be free. to avoid interference of others. and for many other reasons. deliberations need not be hurried. even what gives us the greatest pleasure becomes the same old routine. him a new toy for the office. but to have a skill to do 58 . that’s why ‘last minute decision’.) 54 Not to be second. (Often it’s better not to talk to people about one’s thinking because some of the ideas might not be fully thought through. but they are often the result of considerable reflection. to put pressure on others. Do we dare?) 53 It looks like ‘a last minute decision. and the multitude of variations on this theme. action’ Pre-calculated but not to disclose so early. video. and from those which were not. but there aren’t any locks on the doors. In deciding to change the lifestyle. But the mind is devious. and are easily regretted. on top. does not remain new. to surprise others. as a fresh one. New is new at many levels.Who Are You? Really! out of the line of growth and development’. not to be behind. not to remain behind. we must be confident the change decided upon is the right one. or in glamour Better to be in front of the camera (movie. Decisions that are made might appear spontaneous. look at what it does to keep our attention focussed on what it knows. (Life is normally boring and monotonous. It keeps us busy with trivia. but first.

but there is always the feeling left behind that things could and should have been better. This is what has to be on the outside. or to move. They say. no-one but ourselves can live it. However. there is only ever one lifestyle. either to give the feeling to others. so it is up to us whether our ‘movie’ is a smash hit or whether it’s a forgotten dream. some input – a movie star doesn’t suddenly become a success overnight without an acting skill. But on the inside we can decide to take control. ‘why aren’t you happy?’ Because the neighbor is happy! (There is no possibility of opting out of life. It carries the 59 . there are countless examples.) 55 To remain in competition. We don’t get to be first without some effort. before they grab it. We are always in competition because it is our instinct to survive. we must always be first. to live at a higher standard than the other.) 56 Copy. and here we can find happiness without relation to anything or anyone else.Stuart Rose something from behind! (Second is never good enough. We know this is so because it is experienced at moments of deep concentration when doing something or making something. so that they feel themselves inferior. it must be lived. Whether we are happy or sad is not completely in our control because outside forces fluctuate and our emotions ‘bend’ accordingly. to succeed. to make the other automatically inferior. to be in control. and we play this ‘game’ all of the time. without self drive. to be better. superior than others Utilizing skill and efficiency. Each of us is the star of our lives. and it may have to be accepted sometimes because of outside influences. imitation Photocopy is more original than the original. which means that to be second can never be acceptable. to get what others don’t have. without rehearsal.

for example. It does matter to us how we live our lives. too. doing. and so what! The way out of this situation involves a change from being asleep to ourselves to being alert to what we are doing all of the time. it may be a wrong action. less care and less awareness Duty-bound behaviour. We want to take control. Is this what we want? Is it any matter to anyone else how each of us lives the life? Of course it isn’t because everybody is fully occupied living their lives. If we are not fully conscious in what we do. in fact it’s normality that we follow what others are doing. It’s easy. We can get all through life in this way – it’s a ‘breeze’ because we don’t have to actually do or think or decide anything of importance for ourselves. then whatever we do is bound to be done half-heartedly thereby automatically reaping the reward of being insufficiently satisfying. and we don’t want to be a photocopy of everyone else. what they’re seeing. but it is not. to have greater awareness of our thoughts. (This is the easy way out of living life to the fullest as we have talked about above. we have it. but ‘photocopy’ hasn’t the sense to do any correction.Who Are You? Really! mistake in a perfect way because it is a perfect photocopy. words. what they’re wearing.) 58 To learn from a mistake and not to know about correction! Learning from a mistake is only possible when the correction is 60 . And this is the ‘sloppy’ way many of us carry on through life. it is just done with less care and less awareness. and so forth. and it passes. without getting the idea that it can be. living how we’re ‘sold’ to live. actually are simply mechanical. ‘responsibility oriented’. as was said earlier.) 57 Just to do. (The herding instinct is not just in nature. otherwise our deeds. looks like mechanical behaviour. Awareness has to be of all three together. and deeds. or performance.

) 59 To evaluate in a different way Necessary to do this because. in the second column. what to do for that was not asked by the person? (Let’s play a game! With a pen and paper. which means that the results of the work will affect all parts. Repetition of the same mistake shows that learning has not taken place. after evaluation. they may have different scenarios. different timescales. Now contemplate the findings. if we look deeply at all the links we will find a common denominator to every part. does it mean that correction has been done? No! Then. Now we can analyse the three lists. and from the third column assess whether the rectification was successful. both big ones and small ones. second? There is no second. and in the third column write down what had been done to rectify or otherwise correct the mistake. what was learned from the mistake. Then. but are there any essentially the same? From the second column make a self-assessment of what was done with the acknowledgement of the mistake. (Evaluation is necessary. ‘what to do’ and ‘what not to do’ when it is not clear that the doing will not be better than that of others. Are there any straight repeats of a mistake listed in the first column. First. write down in the first column as many mistakes that have been made in life that can be remembered. and it is this which can be evaluated in a different way. write down whether the mistake was acknowledged. right place. the common denominator needs to be found and.Stuart Rose done at the right time. but what needs evaluating? What part of one’s life? With some parts we are content and other parts not so – is evaluation just for the not-so-good parts? The answer to this is that every part is in some way linked with the other parts and it’s impossible to clearly separate them.) 61 . To notice the mistake. However.

it means to live one’s own life. If we try to share our thoughts and feelings.) 62 . we will not be able to give a completely clear picture. is that nothing can truly and accurately be shared. to remain out of calculation of others This is also important. and to manage own movement as if not calculated! Looks like spontaneity! (This Pointer is all about whether to share or not. This means that any attempt at sharing could put one at a severe disadvantage with the other. Collection and preservation of this information requires some skill and efficiency. This does not mean we have to play a mystery game with the other and have no meaningful communication. There is the saying. to do any activity. and only reveal what is necessary at the right time.Who Are You? Really! 60 While doing own calculation. which we have alluded to above. about the right life skills? What are the life skills which are most important? What sort of information are we lacking and how do we go about obtaining it? We need to know these things not only to survive but to succeed. to maintain a chair or place. to remain incalculable. requires some necessary information. unpredictable. without exception. How do we go about learning the particular information we can best utilize for our advancement? We have to be canny although not devious or underhanded. ‘we’ve either got it or we haven’t’ – we’ve all got some special skill. have our wits constantly about us to secure that ‘edge’ which will give us the value on which we can capitalize.) 61 To improve the method of collecting and preserving information To keep a position. on which we can stay ahead. for any specific purpose. and it is better to refrain. (Have we learned enough about life skills. One’s experience is all there is. The simple answer. and the person with whom the attempt is made will have different ways of interpreting what we say.

or unite and rule.) 63 Divide and rule. is bringing together disparate strands which may help to give us greater impact or strength. Also. (Divide is not necessarily negative. or unite and rule To have control over movements. Uniting. it’s a little like teasing out various strands in order to be able to approach groups or individual strands more fully. to have or to achieve any type of result. no other individual is immediately involved – others may or may not be affected later. or function. two methods exist: divide and rule. or any system.Stuart Rose 62 To use this information in the best way Exchange of information. effect. both may be needed – something may need breaking apart and cementing back together in a new order.) 63 . to have greater impact and influence. Once the direction of change is established it will be possible to search out specific information to that field. (How we lead our lives is based on what we know. sale of information. what does it involve? Needless to say. to better suit what we want. or use both methods in a suitable way for specific purposes. the alternative way. Courage may be needed to complete this successfully. one person. In deciding to change the lifestyle it is obviously important to find out more about the life we want to lead. This means that dividing and uniting are not necessarily opposites. and use of it for many different purposes in the best way. which in turn means that certain decisions must be made: what is the change we want to make at the moment. Knowing more about ‘where’ we want to be is a significant help to getting there – a little like learning about the sky to become an astronomer. any change only involves ourselves. they are methods we can use to enable what needs to be done.

to deal with the situation? If our life contains anger and hate.) 64 . It’s something which shouldn’t be taken lightly. we are not talking about punishing oneself. If it’s not perfect. Planning the change to one’s lifestyle is imperative. just to catch and press the weak point. This is why we are going into every aspect of what it may entail to help assure its success. In this instance. more positive way. Someone has done harm and we want to ‘hit’ that person back just when and where it hurts most. to lie low until the time is right! They know when the iron is hot that it is the right time to strike. our negativity. that is assuming the law will meet out its own punishment for unlawful actions? Is there another. we won’t enjoy it so much.) 65 To teach a lesson. but every word and movement is choreographed down to the finest detail well in advance. for a chance or event. with full patience and tolerance. perhaps even backfire. (This Pointer is all about premeditated punishment and its timing. so we store up our vengeance. (Changing one’s lifestyle can be a major step or a series of smaller ones depending on which route is chosen. and let it fester until the appropriate time to pour the poison on just the right spot. However. isn’t it? The play looks so fluid and natural when seen on the TV or at a theatre. change to the lifestyle will be made from the wrong position and is bound to fail. what was decided. an occasion. although sometimes things just don’t go according to plan for all kinds of reasons – life’s like that. to take revenge To remain holding it up to that time. the question arises. what was planned and programmed.Who Are You? Really! 64 To wait for a chance to make a big or small show! Just to ‘wait and watch’ carefully. to make it big or small and to achieve what was expected. or without due consideration. why should we wish to punish anyone ourselves. spontaneously.

From the other’s point of view. (Sometimes we seek and abide by the advice of others and sometimes. but at other times it is better to keep them to oneself. There is nothing sinister implied here. we decide against what advice was offered.) 65 . as self-harm could also occur by being too open. The same with life. Nevertheless. Both of these ways can be for all sorts of reasons but are primarily for one’s own success. just to show and give importance according to their sayings or advice. because the game of life needs to be a friendly one where the objective is to be happy. regardless of any attention given to it. planned and expected. which is following the open one. Sometimes we may not realize the views of others nor what effect certain actions under consideration may have. if our cards are shown to the other players they will see what the plans are and act accordingly to make sure our plans don’t succeed. sometimes it is beneficial to let others know one’s thoughts and plans. there is no desire to hurt. while the other is hidden. in search of No To do or not to do according to the yes and no of others what was decided. but that theirs do. If the method chosen to achieve this makes someone else unhappy. it may be beneficial for them to feel included in our thinking processes and not left out in the cold.Stuart Rose 66 Hidden agenda An agenda to show and discuss openly is one.) 67 In search of Yes. (When playing the game of whist. seeking views of others can be worthwhile. so to speak. then the motivation is wrong and no real happiness will be produced by it. after receiving it. But we have to weigh up whether to seek other’s help or not – we have already spoken about keeping our ideas close to our chest.

to speak. all the time. To find out what we need does not mean that who has the information needs to know why we want it. secrecy is vital as premature exposure of our intentions may 66 .) 70 To keep secret. have their own agenda. to ask the opposite. (Relationships at any level are full of games and popular psychology has many books on the subject – the variety of games which can be played is enormous.Who Are You? Really! 68 To do opposite. Some are downright evil in intention while some are just pure fun. we might be in danger of receiving only what the other wishes us to know because they. Others should not know what for. must be successful to provide the satisfaction. which means that the action is likely to fail or at least not produce the desired results. for example who will it be helpful to or who will it harm. contentment and happiness that are required. we need to be aware of what is occurring at all times.) 69 To find out Out of the many methods to find examples to take an opposite stand. although some of the results of our games can be unexpected. to keep close All the things. Such games are rarely idle entertainment. to do. Mostly they all are purposeful and premeditated. with fear. treated as secret! (Again. Without this knowledge we are in danger of acting on false premises. and some are deeply loving. or to say. to do the opposite with or without any purpose. too. (Similarly to the previous Pointer. If we tell them. just to say. The relationship. why all these methods are being used. to say opposite Not to do with the expectation of others. and they can backfire! A game without a purpose cannot be so called and is more like an accident or faux pas. The reason for the game can be examined in terms of the effect such actions may have. even one’s own inner thoughts.

Relationships are complex. to thwart our plans. this type of answer is given. and status. can be a strength. If this is done then we will have all the strength required to live life to the fullest even though we also have weaknesses. not ours.) 72 To answer in a way which is not an answer Sometimes to maintain prestige. Do we do this to ourselves when we’re stuck on a problem. The answer to this Pointer is that we need to know ourselves completely. to be one step ahead. to avoid having to do the work to find the right answer? Either way in our play. face. and it is better to be in control of our participation and actions. (For fun and play. it’s trying to maintain stability. in our relationships we can talk but say nothing. or to subtly attack. If our intention is to be devious. What to protect? Why protect? But know very well the reason behind the protection. an endearing charm. respond but deflect or astound.) 71 To protect the weak and the weak point Protector is stronger. or for defence. is it to hide our 67 . We may also know some weak points of others and may wish either not to use them for our benefit or wish to defend them against some more unscrupulous others. (Everyone has vulnerable points but we keep them well hidden less someone uses them for their own benefit. do we try to pull the wool over our own eyes. Secrecy isn’t trying to be devious. and so need not necessarily require defending. paradoxically. it will only end up in some way negative. or to be caught off-guard. than to wait and be at the mercy of input by others.Stuart Rose adversely effect what we are trying to achieve. Weakness. our strengths and weaknesses. then it’s the wrong way to create positive strength. so to speak. Fear is involved because it will heighten our awareness of the need for secrecy. to be a constant reminder that ‘things’ can go horribly wrong without defence.

) 73 To achieve that. to neglect this ‘This’ and ‘that’ can’t go together. The alternative choice is to use the faculty or ability to turn inwards. seeing outside. but is there something else? This and that relate to worldly things. to differences. We can go one way. but not knowing why it’s being done. Mixture to do. but it is the least fulfilling. This seems to be the easy choice which most of us make. Why? Because this and that are always separate. to where there is wholeness. it is a knowledge which has to be used for achievement and fulfilment. but we will miss out on the other way as two ways cannot be followed at the same time. not weakness. then both will mix.Who Are You? Really! ignorance or our weakness that we appear inscrutable? This question is similar to that which was raised in the previous Pointer about the importance of knowing oneself fully. Achievement and fulfilment are what is highly desired. aware inside! Attention inside. one has to go inward. outside or inside? It’s a choice. driven by the ego. (This is this and that is that and never the twain will meet. by individuality and separation. to ignore this. observing outside. Confusion. Words are not particularly helpful here which is why this way 68 . to live a wholly worldly oriented life. we have the choice of using our senses and intellect to stay active in the world. and we will be able to recognize more easily how others use the same tactic. is the result. to separation.) 74 Watching outside. alert inside! Where to be. this tactic can be used from a position of strength. once we start to know ourselves. towards being aware of our beingness itself. (Continuing this theme. Preference is together. but they cannot be attained through worldly things because worldly things can never be fully complete. to look towards the centre of our being. A search is required to find completion and this can never be resolved by going outward into worldly matters. always in a state of flux. chaos.

it is unsettling. in reality. outer power. whereas the deep sleep state is when we are fully awake (without the encumbrance of the ego or individuality). and worldly. inner power. method. either direct or indirect. ‘Without putting in’ means that within is already completely full and perfect. from outside’ means the mind is both our friend and enemy. in an acceptable way. ego driven.) 69 . or impersonal power. (About waking up. through squeezing! From outside! To get it. Where we stand is outside because our normal state is ego oriented. Some wise folk have called this the sleep state – seemingly awake but.Stuart Rose looks difficult. what is meant can refer to inside and outside. but beware of traps it will set against this!) 76 To be on that side. which side are we on? By sides. where the power is Does it mean it is a changing attitude? Is it inner knowledge that power can protect? Fear of insecurity! (Where is the power? Have we lost it? Have we ever had it? What is the power being referred to here? It’s obviously better to be where power is because we can feel safer. to bring it out. We all have it. what is required is intuitive knowledge. but it needs waking up. and power to personal power. technique. may be any one.) 75 Without putting in. looks impenetrable. relative power. sound asleep. This Pointer talks of sides. and is this what we want? And how can the change from one to the other be brought about? Trying to establish this may create insecurity because change is usually unwanted. unbound power. Knowledge needed is not of the world. Which power do we have. Best to stay comfortable in the warmth by the TV. ‘to bring it out. it is our only hope to reach inside of ourselves. and many of us don’t make the effort. through squeezing. wisdom.

such as a gleam in the eyes. to obey. to listen. that is what we don’t want them to know. a danger or friendly. most often the stronger one is an opponent because there is separation – the other’s power may threaten one’s own power. in front of different people. whether they are stronger or weaker. so it’s worth the effort and can become natural. better to watch the tail’s position and its movement. what does it indicate? To know.Who Are You? Really! 77 Indicator is the ‘tail of the dog’: tail moving. looking within. or particular body movements and stances. It’s a nature which manifests in different ways. Will controlling ourselves curtail spontaneity? Awareness isn’t control!) 78 To recognize the stronger and more powerful other one. etc. Is it not indicating ‘the tail between the legs’? (By knowing oneself more fully it is easier to make correct judgements about others. this power may be transcendental and out of reach. or adjustment. This means being aware of what’s going on in our lives (in our minds) at all times. to accept. Using different words. the preparation starts immediately for giving up. or surrender. opposite one. (We show tell-tale signs of how we feel which other people can interpret. But what or who is always the stronger one? Does the stronger one always have to be an opponent? Looking outside at the world. These signs often occur autonomously so care has to be taken to see what is being felt inside and to ensure we don’t give too much away about what we are feeling to others. However. opponent. reason is not the same all of the time. the power that is found there is not threatening because it can be no-one else’s power than one’s own. the intention. or it may be immanent and wholly 70 . immediately As a result of this recognition. helpful or unhelpful. tail inbetween the legs. Is this too laborious? Being more fully aware of what’s going on within can lead to a more fulfilled life. We can bow to greater power. to recognize the movement.

which we simply act out. one can come to the conclusion that an individual’s power is puny in comparison. (The power which is less strong can be perceived as the individual’s power. the ‘player within’ wakes up to play and enjoy.Stuart Rose within reach. no more fighting for an individual place. iii) Allowance to play from two sides. even a blade of grass and a thought. no more trying to buck life’s trend – we can realize we are part of a play. and each needs to be looked at both from outside going inward and from inside going outward: by comparing one’s responses on these two directions. to the power of nature. that is going inward. fish. that is projecting outward. are all about mixtures and relationships. Each of these Pointers can be seen as shallow and deep – the shallow may be clear to see. ii) Player’s play. If all power is not the individual’s what does this mean? It means that we can relax – no more struggling to survive. 80 to 112. from both of them A childish question coming from the child/adult is that. second in terms establishing who one is. The mixtures each need to be looked at from two directions: first in terms of relationships with others. Nos. where to play is possible As a result of this recognition. but the deep may need to be illuminated. it will be possible to see where change may have occurred or where it may need to be introduced or made. say. When power is thought about. There are no individual commentaries to these final Pointers. i) 71 . to the power which makes each body. that there is a script which we don’t write ourselves. In both cases there is activity. 80 Mixture of: i) Expectation. or tree. Oh what fun!) The following final thirty-two Pointers. Is it the same power?) 79 Same way to recognize the less strong and less powerful.

Both. or changing! Any type of activity requires interest. and iii) can be more. do for others. What has to be cared for that is neglected? If possible to neglect. all activities are not possible to do. together. but not at a deep level. in which activity? Better to know! 84 Mixture of: i) Care. and to be ready for a ‘third’ one to do! 83 Mixture of: i) Job. but it is also possible to do it without interest! How much interest should be enough. Again. ii). it remains for someone who can understand and do. iii) Home activity. Again. so. ii) Negligence. management or it can be a mismanagement! Simultaneously to do two different things at two places. less. or I will play with you. activity. 82 Mixture of: i) Doing at one place. to wait and watch is the option. ii) Nobody allows me to play with them! Or either you play with me. 81 Mixture of: i) Doing for others. doing for oneself remains pending. doing from others is not the same color! So. ii) Personal activity or private. so better to know which activity requires care and which is possible to neglect and ignore. how much neglect will be 72 . even with interest. ii) Doing from others. can give disappointment while playing at a superficial level.Who Are You? Really! Nobody plays with me. ii) Doing something at another place. How much is enough? Better to know! For not to be selfish. Interest for i). that is done with more care. iii) Doing for oneself.

This does not mean that no-one has to play. 86 Mixture of: i) more and more. 88 Mixture of: i) speaker. 85 Mixture of: i) Habit to participate actively in group discussion.. requires more. ii. There are two types of flow or movement. not to behave. Both are speaking at the same time on the telephone.Stuart Rose enough? Better to know. ii) listener. etc. or can play the role of passive observer! To control. with any impulse. I will not do any of this i. iii) ‘without’ and at the same time with. ii) less and less. ii) listening. or both of them. or equal. and both stop to give a chance to the 73 . for something else. and concentration for any activity or doing. Again. to react. try to avoid the clash between the two flows or movement as is i) speaking. Now. or to do at the same time i + ii. When to be giver? When to be receiver? And when not to be any one of them. ii) receiver. i) giver is giving. Attention. ii) receiver is receiving. Better to learn to sit quietly and listen! Opinions. ‘on and off’ of any of the flow of movements is required for satisfaction. 87 Mixture of: i) giver. iii) No. awareness. are necessary to exchange or to bring out in open discussion. but not somewhere else. suggestions. less. comments. to talk. When and whom to say what should be clear. ii) To remain passive at the time and to be an active observer in a silent way. criticism.

iii) not important. maybe it’s a joke. 90 Mixture of: i) control. it becomes very important. we have no idea about simple important. that is ‘free’ from control. etc.Who Are You? Really! other. iv) no demand. is old. and to be ready for any result or consequence. ii) less important. ii) to obey and to do. 93 Mixture of: i) to give importance. isn’t it? 74 . not to do. and what has to be controlled. less important. so that it is possible to say: i) you have not given to me. Habit to treat ‘VVIP’ and ‘VIP’. so the telephone company can earn! 89 Mixture of: i) demand. now more demand and less supply! Knowingly not to supply. ii) don’t mind. speaking to whom. better to know. then keeping quiet. 92 Mixture of: i) to listen. again both starting to speak at the same time. ii) no control. iii) without demandsupply. and not important. What is not. ii) supply. What is serious and what is not serious. knowingly not to demand. iii) just to listen and not obey. no supply. is out of control! 91 Mixture of: i) important. What has not to be controlled is under control. Better to recognize who is telling. Better to know and differentiate. ii) you have not asked me for that! Value becomes less when it is supplied or given without demand.

96 Mixture of: i) use. ii) middle. When to be serious and when not to be. iv) proper use. ‘To use’ is all the time. and outside as inside behavior. inside and outside: outside behavior should not be inside. and inside behavior should not be outside. not to abuse. better to know and act accordingly. It can be misuse. avoided. To know and act accordingly. but for proper use! Better to know how to use properly. Many times effort is made not to misuse. 75 . or proper use. when and where is not required. Extremes have to be reduced and made less. ii) material. not to prevent. Effort is made to prevent. When to be what? Just to live spiritually.Stuart Rose 94 Mixture of to take: i) everything seriously. avoid. this does not mean becoming or having a materialist approach. to prevent. iii) in different proportions or equal proportions. ii) outside behavior. ii) misuse. 99 Mixture of: i) inside behavior. Two types of behavior. 95 Mixture of: i) extreme. 97 Mixture of: i) to avoid. middle has to be maintained. abuse. ii) everything lightly. is otherwise. 98 Mixture of: i) spiritual. iii) inside as outside. ii) not to avoid. iii) abuse. what is to be prevented.

Who Are You? Really!

100 Mixture of: i) private, personal, ii) public, iii) public item becomes private and private treated as public!
What is going to be public is not going to remain private. When to make personal public, better to know.

101 Mixture of: i) giving up, ii) holding.
Actually, the tendency to hold should not be developed. When to give up what should be clear, as should to be in readiness for it at the right time and place.

102 Mixture of: i) freedom to decide, ii) fear of decision. To be or not to be, to do or not to do.
Both are necessary and important, better to know the best use of the situation in a proper way.

103 Mixture of: i) to be responsible, ii) to give the responsibility and to allow others, iii) to give up the responsibility.
Either to be fully responsible or not at all means not ready to share the responsibility in a proper way, because of fear of losing!

104 To select, or to pick up, or to choose, or to pull out, the fitting to own material or things as a result. Disturbance either inside or outside.
During the time of discussion or talking with each other, the person plays the role of a listener and, at a certain point, interrupts the ongoing discussion or talk by becoming the speaker or communicator of own feelings. This happens because some points fitted perfectly to own lifestyle or habits!


Stuart Rose

105 To ‘take over’ from the half and to finish without starting!
Just wait and watch for the starting of any matter or activity and, once it is started, half way through to take possession and finish it, or complete it in own way. This means, one starts and the other finishes or completes.

106 To see ‘the post’ or ‘the chair’ and the person separately. As a result of this, able to give respect, honor, and acceptance to the person easily.
Some people are able to see this type of difference in one. This means that a person is not going to remain the same all the time, a person changes, and ‘the post’ or ‘the chair’ on which the person is sitting or is ‘having’ will remain all the time. In this way, the person gives respect, honour, and acceptance to own superior! And is able to maintain a good relation, a healthy relation, with boss or superior.

107 Not to see separately, but as one. The result of this is not being able to respect, honor, and accept.
Some people belong to this category, and, very often, mix up certain things or matters in the wrong way. As a result, they lose the chance to be a little wiser and to improve their own wrong behavior. So, naturally, they experience disturbance in and outside.

108 To give the gift, but for that someone else has to pay! Management play! To get the credit or point through making the other pay out of their own pocket!
To ask someone to buy something and then give that thing to a person to whom the name is suggested by the person who has

Who Are You? Really!

asked. That person has to purchase and pay for the thing, but the ‘giver of the gift’ is the person who asked for it to be bought.

109 Management of ‘expenses’! or expense management.
Today, in MBA or in similar careers, people manage the flow of income and expenses. Very few go further, the next step, that is the expense-flow to manage, in creating a ‘proper mixture’ of the expenses of others and of one’s own, of company or office, and of own or private.

110 Proper use of power, less to spend the money, more to use the material! Attitude to save more, but what? Don’t know.
Skill and efficiency in using power shows the expenditure of money is less, means saving is more, and utilization of material is more and more.

111 What is mine is mine, but what is yours is also mine, or we can share it!
Ready to share with others that which belongs to the other! Mine is not possible to share because it is given or provided by the other, so it is not possible to share!

112 To get it done, through giving any suitable reason or name, or cause.
Why is it done? Normally they ask, which is clever, but sometimes shrewd and cunning; gives the suitable and convincing answer through providing proper reason, or cause, etc.


79 . Moving on to the next chapter needs to be undertaken only when it is the right time. and the first three chapters as a whole. a place for review and deep thought over what has been said in these Pointers to a brighter lifestyle.Stuart Rose This is now a stopping Place.

about this wallpaper). from ‘external’ time-bound factors. The change of a person manifests inside – the way a person lives their life – in a unique and special way. many changes take place. change can be precipitated by any one or all events. the beginning was strongly influenced by Victorian and Edwardian characteristics. what is it that triggers the thought that ‘I’m feeling this’ (‘this’ being any number of things: this friendship. a mobile phone. Second. It is obvious to say that lifestyles during this. These traditional lifestyle changes to a person’s age are both material and psychological. We are 80 . or by none at all. and any historical period.Who Are You? Really! Chapter Four Time to change? A person’s lifestyle is naturally related to age: both the period in which they were born. youth. and the physical age of the body. we can look at the twentieth century as an example of period: in Britain. primarily. and the older (the so-called gray) generation. What all this tells us is that. to the material side of life. Through both of these time-bound influences. owned more than one television. these have been of similar characteristics throughout history: childhood. they are unavoidable. with regard to changes in the physical age of the body. this way of thinking about him. jetted around the world at will. First. each period of these brings its own types of lifestyle. Something else can occur ‘internally’ regardless of what’s going on outside. such as moral ‘stiffness’ and hard labor – they were difficult times compared to the end of the century. would reflect huge changes. when mostly everyone took washing machines for granted. And again. but not exclusively. middle age. maturity. and morality had become more ‘flexible’. about her. For example.

which draw attention.Stuart Rose all different from each other. Many others live in ‘blissful’ ignorance of the necessity. which include: Own decisions and actions Fear of decisions Not our own decisions Decisions of others. to observe. again and again. mixed purpose 81 . but they are knowingly not ready for it and avoid it. It might be thought that dissatisfaction is the prime mover. but the most satisfied person can change without losing the satisfaction. Nothing in life is ever certain! The why’s and wherefore’s of change A complete change is a big step. one group. some people may not have the confidence to enact it. while some realize change is due. Even after coming to know that change is needed and that its time has come. don’t have these problems and difficulties to overcome. We can see that this predicament depends on several factors. one purpose Decisions of others. Some people. They just don’t know what to do. to see. and that there is a timing for change. a major upheaval. mixed group. may have no trust in themselves. This makes it possible to distinguish and differentiate each thought and idea through special features which catch the ‘eye’. and yet others live like ostriches with their heads deeply buried in the sand of avoidance. Change does not seem to be particularly instigated or influenced by any thing or combination of things. and we all continue to change. but more than this we cannot say. What we can say is that change occurs in time. what is best. or be too fearful to proceed. perhaps they are the lucky ones. but have commonalities in that we live in the same way. which attracts us to look. but a modification may be big or small.

what 82 . Why is this? Maybe it’s because some rate highly the lifestyle of particular others. Failure can be beneficial as it can make us realize what an idiot we might have been. And we can laugh at it. to realize. of this we can be sure. and we think they might have some useful knowledge to give. such as doctors. who see a lot of life. Why do we feel the need to get help from the outside and not from within our very selves? Some people have not yet realized ‘when to do what’. Is it more clever to be outside. but they seem sincere and busy. For a better life in the future – which is the sole objective of changing one’s lifestyle – what is there to do? One of the first questions which needs to be asked. they might not even be aware of what they are doing! Sometimes we try to do too much at once and get both success and failure at the same time. finally. They might think of themselves as clever to be able to do this. improper. The formation of a new lifestyle. alternatively. what will be left inside? What is inside will eventually come to the outside in one form or another – it will manifest. or changes and modifications to an existing one. So. How can I know all this? Very often people first turn to their doctor to advise them on changing their lifestyle.Who Are You? Really! Proper. Why not? When do we show which side of ourselves to the outside? Automatically. engaging themselves in one activity after another so as to be able to complete an ideal change or modification to their lifestyle. right. (and which we have met in Chapter One). have different proportions of decisions that need to be taken. the side we choose not to show will be inside. is: How can I get to know about my own present lifestyle? And then: How can I bring about change – positive change – to it? I also need to know when to accept the help of others. and these require the person to have sufficient knowledge and information available. that the other side of cleverness exists in us. if so. and. and when not. It’s good to know. wrong decisions.

A ‘mistake’ is not an error. production – or whether it is written prior to each scene’s performance by some higher source.Stuart Rose does come to the outside? The most likely answer to this is that it’s our stupidity. and many other points and pictures are available. to do with growing. as the leading character in a play. why should I change my lifestyle? Once this question has been answered. Many questions remain. After listening to advice or drawing inspiration from all quarters about the change we want to make. without exception. initiative. to ‘fleshing out’ what needs to be done. not just once. Perhaps who writes the script is less important at this juncture than coming to a realization that a script of our life exists. Our decisions play a vital role in the formation of the new or modified lifestyle. to do with becoming much more happy. Isn’t that so? And it gives us the opportunity to develop our cleverness inside. so to speak. all else can be built. which will come to the outside. which will help and contribute to its formation. the OK. but to create something much more valuable. creation. We are convinced that changing is the right thing to do. from the inside. it forms the solid foundation. has a life script. but every time we do it. Whose script is it? It’s a fact that each and every one of us. a real-life story of ‘me’. how then to bring about this change inside? We are not planning a cosmetic change – we are not planning just to rearrange the same furniture in the same room. our idiotic side. but the most important question has been answered: that is. If we can see life in this way. We get another chance through making each mistake. We can discuss until the cows come home whether this script is written as the story unfolds and that the different scenes in the script are of our own making – our own invention. 83 . On this. it’s the only way we can learn.

and this can be realized in different directions: for present activities. could throw a 84 . out of the limelight so to speak. the question of life scripts was raised. all this self-analysis will take time. than before. and so forth. we can ask: who is the writer (producer. sound engineer. we find ourselves with not more. technology. more importantly. Continuing with the idea of a script. are all included in the word writer)? The question again is: do we each write our own scripts – develop all the plots and subplots – or does ‘someone’ else? If someone else writes our scripts.Who Are You? Really! it will help us to be able also to stand at a little distance from the ‘star of the show’ and see her or him outside of the spotlight of the performance role. designed to give us more time that. casting agency. but less! We just have to clear away some of the more nicebut-useless parts of our lives in order to make this special time available. Without time for ourselves we cannot proceed. we will be able to walk ahead in a much stronger position (role). set-builder. Fun can be had with the script by playing with the characters and scenes – not changing it out of all proportions – but by moving things around so that one can come to a much more realistic understanding of what actually happened: was it what one thought happened. who is it. other players. we can easily accept the allied idea of being able to edit the script. as we have described. and we already have no time in this dizzying world where we have so much equipment. but also to come to a deeper understanding of the past in terms of ‘how did I get to where I am’. This process can be seen as a purification. and on and on. One problem! Again. as can be imagined. A few sentences earlier. and what is our relationship with ‘them’? Answering this question. more self-confident and sure. or events? With this ‘new’ or realized knowledge. and provide one with a clarity and objectivity with which these heartsearching questions can be approached. or does this playing reveal new insights both about oneself. director.

although change is unsettling. it involves risk in terms of fear of loss because some of what one already is must be discarded to make way for the new. Again. as it is such a large question. End of story. Engaging with further discussion of it now is out of place at this point of our subject and. stretching of our capabilities. If it’s not me writing the script. This means that the ego is on the defence. the ego. perhaps greater riches of one sort or another. On one side. not willing to let go easily. ‘I have avoided the 85 . not possible to change. so to speak. here the ego comes into play because if the challenge is met and we are successful. not to blame. ‘don’t do it. and maybe this causes us to get stuck in the mud of indecision. an opportunity for growth. does not see or understand the benefits of making this or that change. otherwise this or that bad thing will happen’. That’s life! Risks and challenges … and timing All change is unsettling. anticipation. Whether we decide that we are simply a player in a much greater story or the writer of one’s own story. it is also a challenge. towards greater happiness. but first things first – life is a fluid progression of events (even though individual events may not be or feel so fluid in themselves) – and we need to accept that later we may well decide to change the direction of our lifestyle again. Not so. It can also involve greater humility. the I-ness or my-ness. ‘Play safe’ it usually cries out. not sure what to do. plays a most significant role. then I’m not responsible for it. On the other side. As we are seeing in many areas of our look at lifestyle. the show must go on. Yes. don’t lose what you have’. ‘don’t risk. its outcome could radically change the lifestyle. The objective of most change is towards betterment. we will return to it. then we can say. And a challenge such as this can involve excitement.Stuart Rose mighty big spanner into the works of looking to change or modify the lifestyle.

a gentle way. too early. is what was done too late. but no sleeping either. out of date computers. The risk here is minimal and acceptable. staid clothes. we may not have to risk and face all the fear and anxiety and we may not need to extend ourselves. 86 . in reality. in order to make a worthwhile change to the lifestyle. fuddy-duddy! It’s always been this way. a moderate way. too spontaneously. or the opposite. as opposed to the slow lane. half asleep to how one is. has one ‘missed the boat’. been too slow off the mark. a balanced speed with which everything can be handled with composure. I have won the game. Nevertheless. There is a ‘middle way’. stuck. the challenge always within our capabilities. fast everything. to be challenged. this middle way need not be middle of the road. Has our action been ‘played’ too soon. and where the outcome is always (well. mostly) assured. these in turn depend on many factors. for example. I am clever!’ There is a natural lead in from the question of accepting a risk or a challenge to the question of timing. The middle way entails a thoughtful approach to change (like the one described above). must always perform at exactly the right time otherwise the play or song won’t make sense. And with regard to timing. Yet this is not an ‘either or’ situation. and will not be applauded. which is a considered way. The actor or singer. older cars. Younger people live at a much faster speed than do the older – in the fast lane with fast cars. where all is always in balance. or has one not looked before leaping. which is boring. fast food. meaningless to the risks or challenges themselves. unadventurous. or was the timing just right? Looking at the timing of risk or challenges. will be discordant. only the degrees of speed have changed which is. there is also a middle way where a much more measured approach is taken towards any change which has been found is necessary to make – no rush.Who Are You? Really! risk and gained.

The questions ‘where is it’ and ‘what is it’ are a little similar. without fire or torpor. possible prizes and winning. and they end in compromise: happiness can be there some of the time but is always dependent on ‘outside’ factors. Where the timing is set just right. just as in what has to be completed before a long journey or a long walk. It is happiness. which we know will be enjoyed much more with the right equipment. although it may partially be there. and so forth. but also neither a saunter. The middle way is where all the anticipated obstacles and dangers. So where can it be found? We can take it that there isn’t enough of it. otherwise one wouldn’t be reading this. it may have been or is there in the beginning. It’s never under our compete control. but the ‘gloss’ wears off in all relationships. still a little risky. or at least have some commonalities. but without losing sight of the actions which are desired to take. boots. not making change a race. Is it or could it be found in the relationship with one’s children? No. Where is the goal We have said what the goal is. The middle way is equilibrium and equanimity. It may be there some of the time but not all. have been thought through thus making the passage to change as safe as possible yet still challenging. Having children can be a wonderful and joyful experience. Now we must ask ourselves more questions to narrow down the area of our search in order to complete the list. where one has measured out what can realistically be achieved and added a bit more to stretch the achievement. the game one wants to play. but it isn’t like this all of the time: it can be exasper87 . there is always something missing. where room is left for mistakes and correction. That it has not yet been found means it cannot be found in the present lifestyle. clothing. Is it or could it be found in the relationship with a partner? No.Stuart Rose one in which considered preparation is vital.

Who am I? 88 . This summation has to be faced if there is to be any chance of finding full happiness. The question is. What we are implying here is not that one needs to exclude all people in the change to a new lifestyle. will only be found within. The nub of the whole matter revolves around each of us and our search for a ‘secret garden’. The question to ask is a simple one. on the contrary. wherein only we can have influence. This ‘place’. but probably also some relief. otherwise changing the lifestyle will be just shifting the existing furniture around. miserable. Where in a life can one have total control? Cutting across many other examples of where in the life one has searched for – or built the framework for – happiness to occur. too. leaving an emptiness. in fact. and very much more. the answer must be where no other person is involved. that in asking it one can reach the very ultimate.Who Are You? Really! ating. but one that has hidden depths. a drudge. once it is established what the new lifestyle will be. there will be no real change. flatness. therefore. Control is an important factor in both of these examples. but nevertheless are likely to have had meaningful relationships where there has been a search for happiness. as we described earlier. It is so deep. wherein only we can tread. and then they leave home to find their own way in life. if it is so wished. nor had children. as people each have their own ‘agenda’. all relationships can stay in place. Some may never have ‘enjoyed’ a partnership with another person. We are rarely in control. and where external influences – even life’s worse ‘gifts’ – will not touch us.

The only reason to read on is because. but closing this book now with this thought would be out of ignorance. What is meant by ‘more to life than just the physical and mental’? There might be heard a groan from some readers who have ‘jumped the gun’ and immediately imagined something along the lines of. If we are perfectly happy with how things are. switch off. we’re going into some religious mumbo-jumbo. do so if it is wished. we have come to the conclusion that there is more to life than just the physical and mental body that has been described. or give up. and we are content with this. because from here onwards. when we have come to know ourselves as fully as we think we can in the way outlined earlier. believing strongly and fully that this (the physical and mental) is all there is. there is no need read any further.Stuart Rose Chapter Five Transition … and the Prize The start to moving into Chapter Five needs to be undertaken when ready. ‘Oh no. pack up. it is the wrong reason: return to carry through the work stipulated from the beginning again. I’ve heard it all before. What is now to be talked about represents a marked change to how we have talked in the foregoing pages. and go home!’ Well. both in style and content. The purpose in the remainder of this book is to establish that there is something more than the physical and mental to our 89 . we are looking towards the ‘best’ lifestyle direction that could possibly be taken. the reason for this will become apparent. close this book and turn to read something else. If this chapter is started out of idle curiosity. The word ‘best’ is emotive. in the deliberation.

‘happiness’ may not be the most accurate word to use. Not so! The answer. 90 . the reason to change – the prize – is simply: greatest happiness. also to establish that this something is not dependent on the existence of some particular religious idea or the other. What we will say approaches undeniable truths without attacking or otherwise destroying any religious idea – it is not our intention to be in conflict.Who Are You? Really! lives. What better reason could there be to make change worthwhile? It’s very easy to say ‘greatest happiness’ and move on to the next words without working out what might be meant. it is of no concern to what we will say here whether a belief in. that everyone has experienced at least to some degree. or affiliation to. it means that the life which has been lived so far has been based on false premises. Greatest happiness is a rarefied experience. the greatest ‘prize’ that life can bestow. that the greatest happiness exists and can be found. and so it will be a natural transition to make a change. There is a disadvantage straight away because ‘greatest happiness’ cannot be described in words and. they don’t know how to find it. To live a false life thinking it to be a really real one is the height of blindness or ignorance! We have said that many people find it is comfortable to live this way: no need to change anything. if it is required. why bother to upset it all. everything’s just OK as it is. This is the sublime truth of life. What is more. yet many people settle for less and become moderately happy (with its concomitant moderate unhappiness). The reason that they settle for less is because although they might intuitively know. it is found that the ideas which ‘rule one’s life’ prove to be unreal. a change or modification to the lifestyle can be made in whichever way it is seen fit. or know in theory. However. If in the end. it is the most desirable state. indeed. ‘happiness’ is a word everyone knows something about. so it suits our purposes to use it here. any religious idea is held. as one way is just the same as another. but it is our intention to bring to life these truths in order that.

liking and disliking. be overcome. Does this sound too good to be true? There has to be a catch somewhere. Sages have been telling us for centuries. but the universal characteristic of these pleasures is that they start and finish: with each pleasure there always comes loss and end. All this rules out practically everything in our lives! What it doesn’t rule out is each one of us. In fact. is blindness and ignorance. what is owned deteriorates and is lost. It is known that there are five human afflictions – ignorance. there is a price to be paid. attachment. Each and every time. what has happened is that it has become obscured by living the life described in the previous chapters. Joy is what knowledge of this happiness brings. life does have its pleasures. and our own experiences bear testimony to the fact. it is full of sorrow and suffering – birth. it is nothing new. it is not a high price: it is giving up the acceptance we always make of misery. sorrow. and fear of death and dying – out of which all our miseries come. that it has its ups and downs and we have to enjoy the ups and bear the weight of the downs. which 91 . again. Not just once. growth. and then a new pleasure has to be sought. it is not ‘pie in the sky’. and suffering. and it is available to all without exception.Stuart Rose One way to approach trying to establish what cannot be established in words is to say what this happiness isn’t. to give room for happiness to flourish. Some may say that this is an overstatement. that human life is a misery. relationships always end – there is no end to the list. This. Iness. Yes. One thing can be definitely said: this happiness exists. that life isn’t all that bad. and suffering. sorrow. A taste of greatest happiness can already be savored simply by the thought of it! Greatest happiness is an end to misery. and death are painful. and all these must reduce and disappear. but for always. a price to be paid. Yes. it cannot be found by any form of imbibing through any sense organ. but in comparison. The greatest happiness cannot be found in a relationship with another person.

in any case. it’s automatic. More will be said about this happiness as we proceed – it is the sole objective. If ‘I’ have it. but one thing has to be said here concerning the notion of selfishness. Sometimes this truth has mystified. There is one truth which is all-encompassing. it cannot be stopped. in fact not just full but to the fullest of full – then a wonderful life is possible to be had.Who Are You? Really! means that the greatest happiness – the sublime truth – can only be found within the individual. what about those that are dear to me. nothing else will do. 92 . what’s the point of living it? This also means that greatest happiness implies living life to the full. as we have said. This means that the idea of selfishness in this context is unfounded – if I can’t live my life to the full. From this one truth. all else emerges. If the greatest happiness can only be experienced by me. has not been described in a way that can be clearly understood. the sole prize. and neither me theirs. but sometimes the obvious passes us by. remaining unnoticed. whom I want to share the experience with? And how can I be this happy while others aren’t? We have mentioned the fact that it is only me who can live my life. not a secret truth. not an unknown truth. This might seem an obvious thing to say. spread to others. which itself is beautifully simple yet. The truth we will talk about is not a new truth. And a ‘bonus’ is that this happiness will. no-one else can get much more than an inkling of what my life is. is not so easy to fully understand because of its simplicity. Adoption of this truth into our lives will have no less than a transforming effect. where is it and how do I reach it and enjoy it? The answer to this will be talked about in the following pages. It is our intention to portray this truth in such a clear and understandable way that deployment of it into our lives will be straightforward and natural.

Is the tree ever still? The gentlest breeze rustles its leaves. What we want to do is look directly at what is going on in the mind right now. Some trees are uprooted because of this force. stay there. and in previous chapters we have identified the mind with its four basic parts: senses. switch on the television. ‘I’m sick of this navel gazing and want to get to the nub of the matter as soon as it is possible’. Just watching a tree will demonstrate what is meant. but on certain very still days the sea’s 93 . go home. In all minds everywhere. waves of thoughts. waves of wind flow. as will become clear. one might say. but there has to be a pause once more. but the activities rise and fall just like waves – waves of water. The analogy of the tree is just one example. They’re all active. we will discover the same phenomenon. The sea nearly always has waves. but in fact isn’t. It’s no wonder that few people make it to the prize. and it involves a further look into ‘Who I am’. By now we have found our life to be much more multi-faceted (complex. even complicated and confused perhaps) than we ever thought – is there no end to the depths of me that can be found? To go some way to answering this question we must move in what may appear to be a sideways shift. there are lots of goings on. memory. To do what? To move onto the next life event without significant and lasting impact being made here? What a waste of time! Again. If we consider other examples. and I-ness. while stronger wind makes it bend.Stuart Rose Chapter Six We are tantalizingly close. and this is what we’ll look at. What are these lots of things? That’s the point. sometimes almost to breaking point before it might swing back. It might be said that we have done all the ‘looking’ as far as it can be done. intellect. pack up. This is essential preparation for what is to come. The answer will usually be ‘lots of things’. In fact.

What needs to occur. Not a ripple disturbs it (just like at the still of night when there is no breeze and the tree is silent). that they are all manifestations of one energy of which there are variable ebbs and flows. Even in the inanimate such as a car. ‘Is there a difference’? Are all the waves simply different manifestations (forms and varieties) of the same energy? Another analogy may help to provide a way to find an answer. Does this mean that there is an interconnectivity between all waves no matter what type. anger. a thought. our minds? It’s the same.Who Are You? Really! surface is like a mirror. nevertheless and paradoxically. refrigerator. our most still. we breathe – there may be no thoughts. toaster. with waves to match in size from a gentle swell to a tsunami. what’s involved. radio. Perhaps only in the dead of night in deep. dreamless sleep are we at our quietest. or a finger. Or is this the case? We can ask. And what occurs in the subtle world. Incessantly. washing machine. never ending? Am ‘I’ like this? Let’s look a little closer. in the world. but life (waves) continues. hunger. Waves of motion and commotion occur ceaselessly throughout the gross world. eddies and so forth. lights. hearing. ‘What is the difference in the varieties of movement’? In response another question surfaces. or idle. In the kitchen there are many appliances – food mixer. all at different speeds. Movement. liking and disliking. decelerate. Waves of sensations such as heat and cold. they all have one thing in common: nothing is still for long in life. The sea is always moving with currents. seeing. but it’s plain to see that wind is an influence. but the heart continues beating. desires. Whether it’s a tree moving. a car. but they are all powered by one energy: electricity (which also comes in waves). and so forth – all different forms of movement. Everything comes in waves in our lives. Emotions such as love. pain. and the rest. so what creates wind? The 94 . cross-currents. the engine will accelerate. seemingly being born and dying but. to create a wave in the sea? We’re no oceanographers.

too. that the same phenomenon pervades the entire Universe. and no physical evidence to show otherwise. plays a big part in wave ‘production’. do we have to go that far back? The answer is yes. what about waves of thoughts? Our experience tells us clearly that there is an intimate connection between thoughts and physical activity. originally. that it is throughout space. but this is unlikely to tell anything new about energy itself. and no because one doesn’t operate successfully (or at all) without the other. The answer to the question seems to be no. And because in space is the entire universe. Can energy be explained further? We can look into the ins and outs of various energies ad infinitum. and further back through the generations to where we come to understand clearly that these waves have no beginning or end. to ‘play’ with. Second. But how can this relate to the waves of energy which seem to drive this body – its muscles and thoughts? First. Can there be two distinct waves of energy involved or just one? Is the mind distinct from the physical? The answer seems to be both yes and no: yes because there is a tangible difference between the mind and the physical. Golly. Gravitational pull by the moon. and there’s no reason not to suppose. which is a complex machine. so space enables energy to be throughout the universe.Stuart Rose answer is mostly heating and cooling by the sun. although individually they do begin and end (just as the waves in the sea rise and fall). too. All this means that the sea’s waves are created by an energy which is not bound to Planet Earth. at least not 95 . which means that we can presume energy exists always in space. by the meeting of a spermatozoa and egg in the mother’s womb. muscles are a part of the body. Energy cannot exist nowhere (such a ‘place’ cannot exist) as it needs particles to manifest itself. made. Hold a finger over a lighted candle and the thought will very soon arise to withdraw the hand fast! There are countless examples. energy cannot be explained further.

The source or origin or driving force of energy may well be found in our normal everyday experience because there seems to be a strong link between energy and what we call consciousness. In the move to a new lifestyle. if achieved. 96 .Who Are You? Really! in communicable words. intellect. we must put aside thoughts of physical movement for the time being because it’s plain to see that the world is unlikely ever to stop rotating (or tilting) as it does in three directions all the time. thereby preventing their normal multiplication. which of course is saying that gross forms of energy. Whether measurable brain activity. We know through our experience that both energy and consciousness exist. it is the objective of Yoga). one of many dual events or two aspects of a single event? A question was asked earlier in this chapter whether anything was still for long in life. but such evidence as there is about normal brain activity tells us that thoughts are unlikely to be completely stopped for any long periods of time. To answer this. We have identified the mind is comprised of four ‘parts’. such as for someone in a coma. we can consider this more. and it is certain that ‘I’ cannot be the first three. the senses. are thoughts or not cannot be definitely assumed. sages tell us of not noticing thoughts. we need to look at what is being asked clearly. No response was given at that time. and memory. Is this the same with subtle forms? The answer to this is to question whether it is possible to stop the waves of thoughts which constantly flow in and through the mind. we know much more about energy than consciousness (at least we think we do!). not becoming attached to them. may only be temporary. but this state. we are looking for an answer to the question: Who am I? Is there an answer to this question? To proceed. where they exist. that which enlivens our thoughts. Ancient wisdom tells us that it is possible (for example. Rather. will never cease. We can ask: are they two or one. Now we have seen more about the nature of energy. and that the Universe will always involve movement of one sort or another. and introduced a possible link with consciousness.

which isn’t me 97 . Is the solution to do nothing? Getting closer. it’s not a personal energy. We get carried away by the story. left where we started out. if successful. It is not this apparently powerful personality. there must be something else that is me. What are the alternatives? There has to be a way forward in which the life is not dominated by this pervasive ‘I’. To do nothing is to start to accept that the ‘I’ is no longer what one thought it was. but it’s pure fiction – captivatingly so.Stuart Rose These are simply tools. It is the fourth part. not my energy. I am the doer. an inconsequential. in reality. Yet we are left with the ‘I’ intact. the ego. I am the boss. and the ego assumes ownership of it just the same as an invading force takes control of a country: finders keepers. Oddly this decision is not an easy one to make. it provides the ‘wave-power’ for such thoughts. our doership. Now. two options: first something can be done about it. ever-so busy. Energy is just energy. yet ever-so self-important. I did all this. something special. It is energy which provides the impetus for all our activities. where the solution must lie. Am I really? And what has this to do with the energy we have been talking about. And if this is the case. where and who is this I? Is there an answer? Already this is the wrong approach. full of I-ness! What to do? This ‘I’ is a flibbertigibbet. It is the ‘I’ which must ask the question and seek liberation from the ego. it’s just energy. because if an answer is sought. I-ness. this ‘I’ cannot be and do what it thinks it does. yet seemingly important. ‘I’ is actually doing something. for the thought that this inconsequential. as real and stay in ignorance. illusion – it actually has no reality – and we are deluded by it into thinking I am something substantial. The ‘I’ must let go. So again we must ask the question: What. that the ‘I’ would have to let go of the ‘I’. if anywhere. it must be the imperial ‘I’ that is doing the asking. But of what? Of itself? This would mean. What we have established so far is that. it feels so real. the lack of substance. or second we can accept the illusion.

We have seen as much of what we thought was me as we can. At least I think this is the case. for the moment.Who Are You? Really! (isn’t this personality). We are looking for the prize. the world and Universe exist. so to speak! Because ‘I’ (for want of another word) am not nothing: this entity of body and mind exists. 98 .

it is beyond any such notions. in this case. it can be a great release from the bondage of ignorance. a revelation about ‘who I am’. One ONE. Truth is sometimes hard to swallow. Can we live our lives not knowing the truth of who we really are? Most people do. I am not more than one. I think of just one person. an ending of the anxiety of not knowing and. what is this One. When I empty away my thoughts as much as I can and 99 . In this chapter we describe this truth. When I think about myself. What is so special about One? The answer is that everything in the Universe is in One. So. A simple little word. but One has no parts. and this is because they find the truth unpalatable and prefer to remain in ignorance. living an unstable lifestyle. not fully happy.Chapter Seven Truth Finding the truth about ourselves must be the most important activity in our lives: without truth there is only untruth. but it is one with a depth which is not completely fathomable. and the reason why will become apparent as we proceed. but what we will talk about is no bitter pill. There is nothing but One. This One is not God. and what has the prize we have spoken about to do with it? We must unravel this puzzle. The Universe itself is in One. I have only one body and only one mind. living with incomplete knowledge about themselves. We have said that it is a simple truth. On the contrary. All is part of One. although the way my thoughts are may make it sometimes seem as if it is more than one! Each person is exactly the same.

cannot ever be two separate characteristics. and ‘I am conscious of the fact that I am’. we can say that all things have differences (for example. are One together. When I think further about these two characteristics. that these two findings (we can also call them ‘being’ and ‘awareness’). it is nonsensical to say that existence doesn’t exist. What are the ramifications of this two-in-one situation? 100 . Now. this can also be voiced the other way around to again make it as clear as possible. the essential me: the first is that I exist. This conclusion can be voiced sensibly as: ‘I cannot exist unless I know that I do’. This One has no name. the same energy. We have also said that existence and consciousness. I am left with the experience of two characteristics that comprise the ‘root’ of me. We can look a little more deeply at this apparent conundrum regarding One. One simply is. but are necessarily two characteristics of the same thing: One. Everywhere has existence. Now. We found this in the previous chapter. no direct thoughts can be had about it. and there are no words that we can use to describe it (which means that its indescribability can only be talked about indirectly): it is ineffable. shape. In the first place. in size. or energy. its non-existence has to exist in the first place! Existence is a single quality as it is plain to see and experience: we all have it otherwise we wouldn’t exist! To put this in another way and to go one step further. Everything has existence. Again. which has to mean that all things which exist have the same consciousness. therefore. yet they also have one thing in common: the fact that they all exist. It is apparent. the experience is: ‘I am’. every person is exactly the same. and the second is that I am aware that I exist. or that there are some places or things which do not exist. I find that I am left with the conclusion that these two are not separate. Even for something not to exist. or colour).Who Are You? Really! become very quiet. as: ‘I cannot know anything which doesn’t have existence’. using different words to say the same thing to make this as clear as possible. it is not of any particular shape.

have the same characteristic. and all variations. Can one describe the taste of a mango in words? No. manifest or unmanifest – because. too) must have existence and consciousness/energy like everything else. All through Nature. as completely and in the same way as we know the taste of the mango. physical. Taking a third step. and visible things either. So far. and so we should be able to get to understand it completely. the planets and stars. Mount Everest. Is this far-fetched. microbes) have the same existence and consciousness/energy as people. and whatever else might be beyond the far reaches of space. as we have said. but this is not the case. and this experience ‘happens’ to us all of the time. or that only humans have consciousness. to 101 .Stuart Rose Taking our analysis another step further. at base. this means my thoughts (and dreams. some sort of science fiction? How can the kitchen table have consciousness like me? The answer is that we may have imagined all consciousness is the same as human consciousness. This includes the kitchen table. To know existence and consciousness. And we’re not just talking of the material. this must also mean that all insentient things have the same existence and consciousness/energy as well. actual or potential. fish. so to speak. as me. which is either enlivened or latent – in other words. consciousness is of different variations on the one theme. but there is a final third characteristic which we mentioned earlier as the prize which can be brought into the lifestyle. Existence and consciousness are just words. we have talked about two characteristics of the One. there cannot be existence without existence. they have to be experienced. It is our normality. and existence always exists with consciousness/energy. without a break. and words cannot convey the true experience of what something is actually like. it means that all sentient beings (animals. Principally.

we can experience nothing other than the taste of the mango. only the experience of existence and consciousness remains. possessions. Bliss is the ‘prize’ of life. on the other. because there is no object in the happiness (which is usually the case as. It exists fully all of the time but can get completely ‘obscured’ by all of life’s zillions of distractions. the current lifestyle. people have different ideas of what One is. and all the rest that is decided to keep can stay. if we have a little courage and self-determination. and all people spend all of their lives in their attempt. How does this come about? By putting worldly thoughts in abeyance. and so follow different ‘paths’. by putting all daily events and other distractions to one side. And because there is no disturbance (no thoughts). Yet to ‘experience’ it does not mean that all of the rest of our lives need be forsaken – husbands. not beyond what we can do – it is already in our grasp. no afflictions. which is a wholly subjective ‘experience’. Of course. it is the utmost happiness that life can bring.Who Are You? Really! make it complete. What needs to occur is a totally new way of approaching how we live our lives. wives. and therefore no sorrow or misery. This third ‘part’ is total and absolute – greatest – happiness. as we described in an earlier chapter. ever. there is the experience of complete and ‘oceanic’ happiness. Realizing One Whether we know it or not. this happiness is frequently referred to as bliss. On the one extreme. it is everybody’s ambition and dream to realize One. and this is in just the same way that. a totally new lifestyle! This new lifestyle is not unachievable. the path is ‘soaked’ in earthly pleasures. children. Bliss is the experience of unalloyed existence and consciousness/energy. In fact. already there for the taking. the path is one of total renunciation of the 102 . for example. when we concentrate. with the other person in a relationship). There is nothing better. yet all such paths tread in a single direction.

standing apart from our society will not guarantee that our ambition is realized and the prize won. These people stand as icons to the truth of greatest happiness. but we become so ‘lost’. and don’t realize greatest 103 . but it is not this at all. Many – and probably most – people who reach fulfilment following a path of total renunciation remain unknown.Stuart Rose earthly pleasures. and in all people. but the single direction all follow (mostly somewhere in the middle between the two extremes) is towards that of greatest happiness. or are satisfied with something they know to be second best. consciousness. and the word ‘realization’ is used here to incorporate all ideas (religious or otherwise) regarding the highest state to be gained in life. There are as many paths and means to this prize as there are people. This is simply because we can ask how it is possible to realize something – and by realize we also mean obtain something that one does not yet have – when we already have it. The ‘reward’ for these people is mundane happiness. One (existence. so distracted by life’s bright lights. vanishing in the obscurity of ‘enjoying’ their greatest happiness. Logic has it that there is no such thing as realization. unless it is desired to be so. but we can see that on the path soaked wholly in earthly pleasures (together with their inescapable miseries) achievement of greatest happiness is impossible to get. It is not possible to estimate how many people reach fulfilment of their ambition. but there are notable exceptions of people ‘rescued’ from their happy obscurity. Something else is entailed. and bliss) is present at all times. Nothing has to be given up to experience greatest happiness. so to speak. that we cannot see the wood for the trees. Renunciation is a very ‘loaded’ word echoing of ‘sackcloth and ashes’ and a hard life. in all places. History is sprinkled with them. and many are satisfied with this as they either mistake the mundane for greatest happiness. or so stuck in our present lifestyle.

there is nothing other than One. This might sound enigmatic. Something similar is required in working our way towards One. the way to One is the quietening of the mind. is less than One. One. which can only be One.Who Are You? Really! happiness is so readily available. When our sights are so set. As we have said. but in fact there is likely to be no race to run. Each person must find their own way. It is a matter of getting to the ‘starting blocks’ as if in a race. not two or many. and this has been described as the most difficult of all human tasks. but neither do we want to imply that it is too difficult. then is the time we will know what there is to be done. And yet this dissolution has been demonstrated to come about without effort! What we can say is that to achieve greatest happiness. Absolute is as the word describes. and this wholeheartedness has to be fully comprehensive. in the relative. there are countless variations. they could not be absolutely One. Relative is how we know the world to be: each individual aspect is relative to another. We have said that each means to clear away the ‘rubble’ obscuring One is different. not Two One is One. There cannot be any other than One because. which entails bringing an end to the power and influence of I-ness. every lifestyle without exception is relative to another – in One there is 104 . every individual person is relative to another person. if. our sights need to be set on it wholeheartedly. less than One is relative. just as if one is lost and needs to find the way home. for example. there were two. One is absolute. It is not our intention here to give the impression that greatest happiness is easy to experience. Anything other than One. if anything. there would be room for a ‘better’ than two. However. It is not our intention here to create some sort of self-help manual which can be followed. We usually do find our way home because the desire to reach the safety and comfort of it is very strong. as we will see below and in the following chapter.

dying. always existing. there can be no such thing as bondage – nor freedom. incomplete happiness. Desire All desires bar one lead to bondage and misery. that if I am dependent on someone or something else. nor 105 . This means. In One. attachment. emanate ceaselessly. and without the I-thought. If there are two. aversion. two come and go. all suffering. unchanging. nothing dies. Desire for One is the only desire which will lead to greatest happiness. two always change.’ No! Only the body is born and only the body will die. where is the pain of it all? Who is this ‘I’? It is clear to see that ‘holding’ to One will bring greatest happiness. no place for ‘I’. One never changes.Stuart Rose no individuality. and I will die. and are what our lives and lifestyles primarily comprise in various forms. Iness. and we have already looked at the fact that ‘I’ am not this body of blood and sinews which goes rotten soon enough and is the home of maggots. evaluatively. it means that each part of the two is dependent on the other. It is only in two where change happens. Although it might sound it. not always existing. and death. One always is. In One. cannot waver. all miseries. that One is better than two: it is completely certain. and nothing is born. this can mean. It is the ‘I’ which has this thought. Greatest happiness cannot change. holding to more than One will bring only relative happiness. From these. but there cannot be two if there is One. for example. then I am not free. One exists outside of time where there is no pain of birth. it is not confusing to say that there can be One if there are two. but bound and restricted to that other and also subject to the five afflictions we have mentioned of ignorance. In life. One always is. ‘But I was born. two is not certain. and fear of death and dying.

which fluctuates between its many varieties. no fun. and the lifestyle stagnates. ‘why’. However. but it is precisely this type of sentiment which is binding. ‘how’ and the rest) because our minds cannot usually contemplate such brevity! The first words which are used. ‘It sounds to me that this ‘One’ is not very appealing at all: it’s dull. This can be said as. One Is This is the only complete and comprehensive statement which can be made about One. when ‘I’ get what I want and am satisfied. and it is bliss. Such sentiment prevents change and growth. Two is better than One!’ This is maybe how a person can feel about One. is aware that it exists. ‘I want’. of ‘I want’. no ‘colour’. in fact it has nothing worth having. Emotively. It says all that there is to say. the characteristics of existence. Desire is the driving force of individuality. it is not long before the satisfaction wears thin and the ‘I want’ starts its familiar song again. we can say that desire is the ‘death’ of One. One is ‘here’. fuelled by desire. Over and over. no activity. to relativity and misery. but it can become obscured by two. First. second. so those of time and place are inappropriate. and bliss. consciousness. One is always everywhere. One entertains no concepts. which pins us with a very pervasive and sticky ‘glue’ to the world. Some people might object and say something along the lines of. A description of the experience of One has been given as that 106 . no variety. Yet. We might try to add two more words. nothing is left out. that it is ‘now’. ‘I want’. has no excitement. no passion.Who Are You? Really! afflictions – as One contains nothing but itself. One always exists. we have discussed: the characteristics of One are that it exists. And then the ‘talking’ begins (usually with words like ‘but’.

dreamless sleep (which we ‘enjoy’ every night). busy. it contains all sounds and relative silences. this silence being the gap between two sounds. It is One.Stuart Rose it is similar to deep. Another description of the experience of One is of silence. and brought about by replacing the normal time-bound. This is because only One can ‘experience’ One as One. distracting waking experience. 107 . but while we are awake. First. This silence is absolute silence. We said earlier that it is not ‘normally’ possible to experience the whole of One. seemingly a paradox. so deep and intense that it might be called ‘solid’ silence and. but there is another silence. there is the silence as in sound and silence. therefore relative to the gap.

The prize of greatest happiness is no less. Does this make any sense? In two. And whereas the characteristic of One is unchanging permanence. but not vice versa. cars) which are all relative to something. One sounds a lot more worth having than two. everything is changing impermanence. the varieties of two become less obscuring. of One. ‘access’ to One is always through two. Does this ring any bells? Hence. the characteristic of two is that. the simplicity of One has been replaced by complex systems which are held together by ignorance or incomplete knowledge of the whole truth. where we are. not least that they all have dependence. there is no part of two where there is no thing: two is completely comprised of things (people. It is this statement which opens the floodgates. thoughts. we have said that One is two. as we have seen. However. qualitatively. We have also said that the complete. it cannot change. it is not! 108 . unalloyed ‘experience’ of One (non-duality) might be rare. But. yet the vast majority of us opt for two rather than One. the experience of two (duality or incompleteness) is common to all. without exception. a tangled web from which escape seems impossible. If One is always everywhere. through ‘seeing’. but its greatness is diffused. In two is everything. an endlessness of confusion and untruths.Who Are You? Really! Chapter Eight Two In a previous section. which lets the whole world in: One is two. then it must also permeate every aspect of two – the absolute must permeate the relative. but two is not One. carrots. These systems appear selfperpetuating. and it is in duality that ‘glimpses’ or longer ‘contact’ of One can occur when. Nevertheless.

once I know the object (the known). One is not just subject. in this scenario both subject and object disappear as the interaction is complete (the tomato is now known) and what is left is the third aspect. whereas two is dependent on the relationship of the subject and its object. Sages appear unanimous that this way is the best and only way to live. to extricate ourselves from this tangled web of relative existence. In simplicity. I feel pain. I see you.Stuart Rose Another way of describing the difference between One and two is in the difference between subject and object. simply knowing or awareness – this is One. this (seeming) diabolical I-ness. This can be explained through a tripartite (threeness): I know (the subject) this tomato (the object). a continual increase of happiness. it is completely impervious to any influence or changeability such as the dichotomy between the subject and its object. me and mine. This is a further reason for the lifestyle to be changed or re-directed to One. there is chaos and storm. Greatest happiness is unlimited. there is peace and calm. as we have explained. For example. and it also means that when we are completely happy we can know that there is even still more to come. which means continual improvement. It can now be seen just what we meant when we said earlier that the beautiful simplicity of One is apparently destroyed by the complexity of two. What a wonder! 109 . it is beyond the duality of subject and object because. I have a lollipop – the whole world is the duality between me (I-ness) and something other than me. They also tell us that the approach to it is not to be rushed. One is wholly subject and independent. Again we say. can there be any question as to what is the ideal life? It’s just getting to that desired point which appears so difficult. without exception. To be completely correct. which means that one never finds its end (otherwise it would be limited happiness). on the contrary. progress is little by little. In multiplicity.

However. Quite soon in the adoption of a new lifestyle in the direction away from two and towards One. the pure ‘I’ (the ‘I’ without individuality). a brightness. Yes. far outshining relative happiness.Who Are You? Really! We have said that the I-ness ‘seems’ to be diabolical. but a knowledge based on experience. it demonstrates the impossibility of words to describe One. from the absolute position. it is when viewed from the relative position. 110 . completely full. we will begin to experience a newness. which seems totally impossible to untangle. joyous. which evaporates in its wake like the morning mist. from two-ness where it ties us in such a tangle. leaving complete clarity. By using this kind of language we are in ‘danger’ of ending up in poetry. beautifully simple. which is not our intention. and more happiness deep ‘inside’ – this is certain. This is not an idle hope. there is no life tangle – life is uncluttered.

A chapter entitled ‘transition’ formed the bridge between a miserable person and a potentially happier person. attainable here and now. Many ‘pointers’ to lifestyle development and growth were then given. Permanence is a succinct way to describe One. Mostly. and these were designed to ‘stretch’ the thinking in the light of earlier conclusions. pushing them under the carpet. Happiness doesn’t change if it is permanent. Some depth as to what this is. no. Then the fact of One was introduced. One has the characteristics of existence. It was said that this acceptance is detrimental to one’s life because it holds us back from something much better in all respects: life’s supreme ‘prize’ of greatest happiness. in an attempt to reduce their importance and the feelings we have about them. but if impermanent. there will be a conclusion of yes.Stuart Rose Chapter Nine Vision In the first chapter. we have seen. After studying ourselves in the way proposed. or even revise them. 111 . and the risks and challenges involved. after describing what we meant when we used the word ‘lifestyle’. so to speak. we then looked at getting to fully know ourselves so that we might see whether some change was due or not. of course. and perhaps it will also contain an inkling of how much is needed. accepting life’s sufferings. or maybe regarding change. In the second chapter. A discussion about when to change and how. by each of us. we hadn’t thought of ourselves as miserable. we introduced the idea that change or modification is possible. this is a strong word to use to describe the human situation: perhaps moderately happy is how we felt. there is change and the concomitant misery. concluded thinking about each of us as we are.

even though rationally whatever is being felt 112 . One is greatest happiness. and bliss. that permanence has to be approached through impermanence. It doesn’t matter so much which is chosen. such as non-existence and suffering. This isn’t a book which will now give a specific way that needs to be followed to reach the prize. The choice is wholly that of each person: how much happiness there is in our lives is entirely up to us. it was also stated that although this was the case. Nevertheless. or choose to aim indirectly for a part of the prize. these are simply inadequate words used to say that One does not have the opposite characteristics. It is our greatest happiness that is being worked towards. There is also a plethora of guidance which can be used to help walk the path. What is important is to know that ‘tried and tested’ guides and guidelines based on the knowledge of One exist and can be used to move forward. One is not pie in the sky. so to speak. and this is the one each will tread. and then discarded when their job is done. or even no prize at all. To be realistic. there is just one path. We have implied that there are as many variations for working towards a happier life as there are people.Who Are You? Really! awareness. The most important person in all of this is each one of us. The work to be done to get greater and greater experience of permanent happiness is wholly achieved by shifting the balance in our life from two to One. It is whichever lifestyle we choose to live. or we can choose a much lesser prize. it was stated that One could not be approached from anything but a dual position (two). Or rather. it did not mean that One was something new to be gained. but many. because two is in One. There isn’t one. no-one else’s. It’s our path. Each of us has an insightful capability to find the way to the source of happiness – if we wish to use it and listen to what it says – and this is through intuition: the certain knowledge that something is right. We can choose to ‘go for it’ aiming directly at the prize. from where we are.

we will never leave the mundane because the absolute – the permanence – is the ‘heart’ of the mundane! There is not necessarily any need to leave a partner.Stuart Rose might sound crazy or off-track. what it can and cannot provide. what is being proposed is not a particular path to be followed. what it is and what it is not. what is needed is a new vision: a new understanding about the truth of life. but that a change to one’s lifestyle in the direction which has been pointed to will bring increasing and unlimited happiness. to forego many of life’s pleasures. What has been shown is that this happiness will not be found in the mundane world but. 113 . and to live away from the world. paradoxically. So.

Then who is it that wakes up every morning. Is this strange? Is it de-motivating? We need to look at this occurrence in greater depth to find out. or it appears to. gets washed. the me-ness. which 114 . goes to work. Oddly this may not be the case. has to die to ‘experience’ perfect happiness in its plenitude. and this is the nub of the matter. As might be guessed. this duality is between the perfection and the I-ness. just for this life. and so forth? Is it me. can be summed up by the question. It’s as simple as that. greatest happiness is unblemished. who’s in charge. total happiness. And it is this temporality of the ‘I’ which is the problem. or is it perfect happiness. Yet there is no need or necessity for me to die a physical death to experience perfect happiness. Perfect happiness exists always. at base. Certainly. So how come we are saying that there appears to be ‘cracks’ in the perfection? The answer is because there still can remain – there is likely to remain – a duality. it’s not difficult to experience the absolute joy that there is in this perfection because it is natural. once seen.Who Are You? Really! Chapter 10 Health Warning In and through all the aforesaid. If it were blemished in any respect it would not be perfect. the me-ness. it would be available without any problems. or is this the wrong question? It stands to reason that if the ‘I’ still has its old sense of separateness. one might think that in finding greatest happiness. the ‘I’ exists temporarily. It is clear to see and. Over the centuries. wise folk have told us that the ‘I’. or is it both? How can this situation find some balance. then there will be a conflict: the conflict which.

greed. From the moment of birth. And carry on with the old way of thinking that it is me who gets up in the morning and lives each day. we can so easily give up perfect happiness and accept the ‘I’ as supreme. It has a box full of tricks: it can make us as happy as perfect happiness. because it is everywhere at all times and beyond space and time. Where did it start? The answer is that it always exists. because the truth that we have described in earlier chapters is that the Truth is completely unassailable. or chemical imbalances within the body – there is no end to this list! And it is because of these events (which can appear without apparent reason and ‘hit’ us below the belt. Perfect happiness simply ‘smiles’. Lost in the dross of living. before language – which is what all thoughts predominantly are – was learned. and we have adopted. as we have described. it is not a fighter. not a competitor. It doesn’t have to get up in the morning. and be foolish. in the womb. causing untold stresses on the body. before that. And not change the lifestyle. even ‘stolen’. too. or have the ‘greater’ or more vociferous voice superimposed on it. One has to (appear to) give way. It has no concerns. in the fetes.Stuart Rose of the two calls the shots. so to speak? If there is this type of conflict. it can make us inexplicably ill with all sorts of illogical ailments. Illogical as it may seem. frustrations. So what can happen? It is that the ‘I’ does not give up so easily. it can make us sad or depressed by causing unhappy events through generating anger. then it can never be resolved because the two in their full form cannot coexist. this ‘I’ existed. And be fooled. to create 115 . but only temporarily. and so forth. That’s our health warning! Whose ‘I’ is it? Is this ‘I’ that I have mine? How can it be so? It existed before thoughts started. lust. the universal ‘I’ to use for our own benefit. Sure. stand aside. and be comfortable. so to speak) that we can feel defeated by the weight of the box of tricks the ‘I’ has.

Yes. but a deep immeasurable one. then who am I? If this cannot be answered correctly. We hope it does. good health and bad. It is incontrovertible wisdom. be courageous. and that we can ‘lose’ our individuality. without the ‘I’. Not simply a passing happiness. Each person has to find their own self. and with this clear knowledge and understanding automatically comes the loss of all fear. there still will be trials and tribulations. happinesses and sadnesses. which is called ‘me’. How to carry on Nobody’s perfect. we stick to the same lifestyle and. this lie. at the end. changing the old way of thinking. We die without experiencing real happiness. be lost? It isn’t possible. not in fanciful dreams. as we have said. ‘I’ is survival (although not of what we call ‘me’). What happens. of this there can be no question. We carry on by changing the old lifestyle. but all this happens in a different light. It’s an impossible state while we have this separateness. the universal Self. this doesn’t happen overnight. more at peace with ourselves. But what has been said may start us off in a whole new direction leading to perfect happiness. No-one can do it for us. Fear is the prime cause because. and starting to live in reality. How can the universal ‘I’. We become more peaceful. Earlier it was said that this book does not offer a particular path to follow. We need to know that all fear is based on the error of thinking that we are separate individuals. and how we can monitor progress. And this me lives right through its life with this delusion. Face the facts.Who Are You? Really! an apparent uniqueness. unending happiness. 116 . die ‘happily’. is that we just get happier. And with the input each of us makes. so the deepness of this experience grows. And. then we are lost.

if not redress. The address we know.Stuart Rose Contact the inner Self and attain guidance from it.co.uk 117 . Address in heaven.kaivalya@yahoo. sr.

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