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a travel-guide to life
Who Are You? Really!
a travel-guide to life
Compiled and Edited by Stuart Rose
Winchester, UK Washington, USA
Hong Kong. Thailand. The rights of Stuart Rose as author have been asserted in accordance with the Copyright. Hants. Deershot Lodge. Ropley. SO24 0BE. .com Tel: 27 21 4489839 Telefax: 27 21 4479879 Text copyright Stuart Rose 2009 ISBN: 978 1 84694 343 0 Design: Stuart Davies All rights reserved. UK firstname.lastname@example.org www.com Distribution in: UK and Europe Orca Book Services Ltd Home trade orders email@example.com Tel: 01235 465521 Fax: 01235 465555 Export orders firstname.lastname@example.org Tel: 01235 465516 or 01235 465517 Fax: 01235 465555 USA and Canada NBN custserv@nbnbooks. Printed in the UK by CPI Antony Rowe Printed in the USA by Offset Paperback Mfrs.com.co. no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publishers.com Tel: 1 800 462 6420 Fax: 1 800 338 4550 Australia and New Zealand Brumby Books email@example.com Tel: 65 6319 9939 Fax: 65 6462 5761 South Africa Stephan Phillips (pty) Ltd Email: orders@stephanphillips. The Bothy. Park Lane.au Tel: 61 3 9761 5535 Fax: 61 3 9761 7095 Far East (offices in Singapore.o-books. A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. Inc We operate a distinctive and ethical publishing philosophy in all areas of its business. 2010 O Books is an imprint of John Hunt Publishing Ltd.. from its global network of authors to production and worldwide distribution. Designs and Patents Act 1988. Taiwan) Pansing Distribution Pte Ltd kemal@pansing.First published by O-Books.co. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews.
CONTENTS Introduction Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Contact 1 3 12 35 80 89 93 99 108 111 114 117 .
This thinking reaches very much further into areas or regions of life and being than any single discipline could. the idea of disciplines is an anathema because they can build walls and barriers whereas here. and reducing or ending life’s miseries which we know all too well exist in most people. The original impetus for the book was talks and guidance a learned Indian Swami gave at different times and places. but the whole purpose of writing this book is for greater well-being and happiness. It is not a book to be read through from beginning to end and then forgotten. even in a small way. In fact. We are not professionally trained in any particular discipline. the destination of which is not meant to be a mystery. Much more than this. Some chapters demand a stop to reading thereby allowing deep thought about what has been said before progressing – please follow this instruction. and to be courageous in enacting the modifications or changes that are needed. 1 . Who are You? has a planned sequence of chapters. and this book is not a psychotherapy. the listening to what we ourselves are truly saying and feeling. we build bridges. Now this inspiration has been expanded and extended to cover a comprehensive span of thinking about the lives we lead and what we can do to make them fully satisfying. to meet the intended outcome of the endeavor. It is each one of us who has to do the work. This is a cautiously written introductory sentence. but it will probably be surprising and may result in some changes to our lives. It is unlikely anyone would be reading this work unless there is the belief that some action needs to be taken in this direction. we hope it is instrumental in helping.Introduction Who are You? takes us on a journey. and these are best followed. We hope that this little book is enjoyed.
Who Are You? Really! Above all. Dr Stuart Rose 2 . solving problems to move further with the help of the inner truthful guide. find your own path to walk.
from within which this me can live. a lifestyle can be summed up as ‘me’ – it is what this me contains. both from an outward looking perspective and one that looks inward. happily and safely. A lifestyle is what I project to the world.Chapter One What’s in a Lifestyle? Everybody has one. although we were comfortable. and everybody’s is unique. We are often unaware of how we develop a ‘comfort zone’ around this me. We got through life safely but did nothing. not good enough. So my lifestyle also acts as my security. although there can be many similarities between each one. and ended up dissatisfied and miserable. and time go by. and ‘mouse-like’. but it can also be my protection from the outside world. or try to live. how I differentiate myself from others – how I can make myself stand out from the crowd and be memorable. how I identify me or. This means that this lifestyle combines both physical and mental components (like a dress has both textile and colour). and how from here we sit watching the world go by. to put this the other way around. More on this below. as this lifestyle can make me feel inadequate. or how I can merge and not be noticed (and many. how I demonstrate to others and myself that this is ‘me’. perhaps. In a nutshell. It is how I feel about myself. We never for a moment dreamed of changing anything. making us more like each other than we might care to admit. My lifestyle can provide me with great confidence as an individual. even from myself! And the reverse is also true. and to myself. We ‘missed the boat’ so to speak. many variations on this theme). my ‘castle’. 3 . even for our whole life.
opinions. destroys routine. It’s everything outside of my mind. the other people in my life (partner. the multitude of things I do. enemy). boss. starting with the physical. what I have positive emotions for or about. and form. what it does with itself. so the quality of life is much more central. people prefer not to live like animals. The list is seemingly endless. family. and having to re-establish ourselves can be a painful process. forcing compliance. ornaments. even how it holds itself. as well as its coloring. tastes. been sold. Why is 4 . sometimes at any cost. But mine is a distinct mix of all this. clothes. size. and includes – particularly includes – my body: its shape. plus what I have chosen. When we talk about the physical. perhaps becoming more so. created. Much of the lifestyle elements comprising the mental components are inherited or learned from our parents: particular likings and dislikings. Great importance is also given to living with – matching – my own values with those of society. that it is avoided. too. it is comprised of what I love. How do I feel about this? Different Types of Lifestyles Today. because it’s unsettling (rocks the boat). Let’s look at these components talked about above in more detail. Of course. We humans do. The physical or outer part of me has prime importance while the mental or inner is secondary. as I stand. It’s a known fact that people don’t like change. adopted. home. The net result of all these influences is me.Who Are You? Really! we never had the courage. much more important. my lifestyle also includes the trappings of life: my car. and my aesthetic predilections. are as set in their ways as this. ‘Best leave things as they are!’ Animals. ways of being and thinking. and so forth. More. but they don’t have the intelligence to do anything about it. right now. there is nothing left out and so perhaps ‘material’ is a better description in this instance. and developed. never knew how.
The types demonstrate a movement towards its opposite and back again. friends and more. ahead of the in-crowd. we are made to think I am different. and we can look at five types. there can be no real peace. but a much more all-encompassing health.Stuart Rose this? The simple. and our individual lifestyles have developed around it. to be an individual. Another way of saying this is that society holds sway over the individual. This is not medical health. oddly. a stagnant pond. But first we must seek a way to understand why some ‘buck the trend’. answer is that money. for a few brave souls there can be a real (or assumed real) individuality with lifestyles to match. and ownership (of people as well as things) claim the greater value and have become the source of security. An exploration. following the piper! And yet. If I’m not ‘in’ with the in-crowd. or courageous enough. and feelings of insecurity occur if there is deviation from this norm. status. The social norm has to be central. then life can become something of a prison. power. But do clear answers help me to live peacefully? In life. The movement does not have to be radical or ‘all 5 . A journey. Why are their lifestyles healthy? Is the answer to live healthily? And what does this mean? Is there a clear answer? Perhaps there is. driven surreptitiously by just a handful of entrepreneurs with big advertising budgets. colored by what it dictates. It will be seen that this word also equates with ‘happiness’. then I’m out in the cold – out of money. However. strength and energy (the survival of the fittest and so primal). If we stay put in the same lifestyle for life. if there is no clarity. a complete individual (just like everyone else). I’m not brave enough. possibly over-simplified. We have to set priorities! We can suggest that there are five types of lifestyles. A word that seems to sum up the rationale of these people is ‘health’.
or away from it? If we are static.Who Are You? Really! changing’. which means that if we were in the same position now as we were. 2. then where have we come from. 3. healthy lifestyle Types 1. Are we moving at all? If the answer is yes. habits. that’s where we are. it can be beautiful. 5. The list below reads a little like going backwards before going forwards to the same place we started from. Nothing in life can be exactly repeated. Wherever we position ourselves in this list. As has been described. But this is not the case. The different types of lifestyle are: 1. as there is learning on the way. then what would happen is entirely different from what did happen. and decisions are responsible for where we find ourselves. Is there a happiness or an unhappiness or an in between? Are we comfortable or uncomfortable or in between? And. have we reached that point from a high or a low position? Or have we been where we are for so long that it is impossible to tell from which direction we came? It’s important to remember that life is always in a state of flux. many points. it can be gentle and satisfying. 2 and 4 indicate transition. Nothing past can be changed. is our present lifestyle what we really want? 6 . factors. and it’s up to each of us to work out just where we fit into this plan. and where are we heading? Is it towards happiness. and what is important to do while this is fresh is to see how we feel about where we are. 4. 3. Healthy lifestyle From healthy to unhealthy lifestyle Unhealthy lifestyle Unhealthy to healthy lifestyle Again. and 5 indicate particular ways to live. The past is gone and finished.
and so forth. because of this. which means that the world is not getting more mixed but more the same. First. it is plain to see that many non-western people are now following a western way of life. banking. Family life seems to be changing due to these and other trends. yet. Non-western lifestyles are not travelling West. at the same time. western shops are now in ‘High Streets’ all over the world – clothing. food. many families no longer eat together. Both are common examples of how easily we follow (or are led) to be like everyone else – a feature that can be likened to an innate herding instinct. becoming more disparate. introduction of new foods. and this means that the relationships between family members in many instances are dissolving. and both of these stem from the standardization and sameness that is occurring in our society today. fast foods. Second (and sometimes an outcome of the first example). learn about ourselves. in the process. and thereby helping to clarify who we are. more on our own (moving 7 . which means their lifestyles have changed as they have adopted new cultural elements. and convenience foods have almost completely removed the need to cook and. we can see a snapshot picture of where we think they are and. Then a question can be asked: are we the same or are we different? Relating others to our own position is not proposing that we evaluate and compare ourselves to them. supermarkets. can change traditional cooking and eating habits that have a major knock-on effect to family life.Stuart Rose Prediction gets results Through the process of observing others. That’s a detrimental activity! What we are intending is a prediction or assessment of what might be happening to us. In the West for example. For example. Combining these two examples may lead to the paradoxical notion that one is getting to be more the same as others (coming closer together). or new ways to buy and consume food. Two examples will hopefully demonstrate what is meant.
power. The question is how to achieve (to grow. conversely. or even our not yet developed side is bigger inside. Guiding light What are the prime influencers which we might need to use to bring about change. name and fame. to have. a greater change is required). or may wish them to come from. dress habits. or our not yet known side is bigger inside.Who Are You? Really! further apart). How to achieve. not why to achieve. it’s possible to see where one can start to predict how changes to the lifestyle may have occurred or may be occurring. political. To keep material. also adopting new tastes and new ways to have more and more feeling and emotion – is guided and controlled by the intellect. as are answering questions related to where do we go from where we currently are. which in turn gives the feeling of newness (not new feelings because the result will be the same. and so forth at the centre of the plan to achieve. Everyone knows why to achieve. To be ‘in’ fashion and ‘in line’ with the changes happening in society. we can consider our not yet grown side is bigger inside. is one part. image. So maintaining social. in any future lifestyle change. To start addressing the ‘how’ question. is the second part. for enjoyment and pleasure. and maintain (keep) what has been gained. energy. from which direction one can see where changes might come from. is difficult. to possess. and will this change be made by free choice 8 . selection of material according to taste and feeling. money. strength. likes and wants. or. has to help in that listed above. Facing this and to put in sufficient energy and focus to proceed in the lifestyle is a challenge. From these and many other examples that we will need to bring to mind in our self-analysis. family and friends. business status. to gain). To live in a particular way with different habits – such as food habits or eating habits.
we have said that the world never stands still. is money.Stuart Rose or not-so-free choice. However. by imposition. but sometimes we can be ahead of the game and change our lifestyle how we want. So the static position. and vital organ related diseases are the result of forceful living. and changes occur regardless of our desire. attrac9 . To describe this scenario as a war is probably an overstatement. but it is certainly a battle (of wits. currency is the term for it. more affectionate. Perhaps the greatest guiding force for change. heart related diseases. Many habits. more emotional. and to be controller of all monetary movement. as well as many other diseases such as cancer. by necessity – what is most important? It needs to be said that one might be happy in the existing lifestyle and see no reason to change. more loving. and more compassionate in this turmoil? It is very. Having change foisted upon us means that we need to be proactive in establishing the values and qualities of the changes life serves up to us. living in a particular way. power. Money is an external energy. control. If we don’t. AIDS. we just have to make the best of a bad job. in the movement between two or more currencies (not necessarily financial ones) and influences. of values. Forceful living All psychosomatic diseases. HIV. whether it be to change or stand still. We struggle to maintain the upper hand. of desires). How can one’s lifestyle be more spiritual. very difficult to find someone who can be like this. which becomes a lifestyle. Sometimes this is inevitable. we will have to accept what is dished out whether we like it or not. the comfortable position. might be an illusion – there may be no choice whether to change at all. and further changes. to keep one currency as the ruling currency among other currencies.
impressions. Are we happy inside? Mostly not. Do we believe in religion and spirituality? Some do. are forces behind living in this way. while for others. Are we living in and with a family? No. or sometimes. if it were. They are a mental preparation for ‘doing the right thing’. So. Are we free from fear. Do we feel insecure? Yes. although we try to be free from these. anxiety. Some people appear to lead lives which are on the whole happy. Simply being alive is not the goal or purpose. and how are we living? Are we living in a monastery? No. some don’t. qualities. These forces are supported by correct reasoning. and factors. then we would be living at the level of animals. and that gaining a successful lifestyle is wholly a matter of survival of the fittest? We can be certain to say that all human beings (all of us) are not saints and prophets. Was there something missed in our childhood. or appear to. How is it that some people seem to manage better than others? Is it that they treat life like a battleground. who are we. it’s much more than that. which helps us to avoid feelings of wrong-doing and of guilt when the adverse result appears.Who Are You? Really! tions. In society? Yes. The realization that we live an unhealthy lifestyle does not mean that the old habits were changed and a healthy lifestyle started! The lifestyle of anyone is not the result of living it for just one day. it does not mean to say that a correction took place. worries. Because there was an acceptance of a mistake or wrong-doing. such as toys 10 . and the like? No. Each lifestyle is a complex web of an individual’s likes and dislikes built over time. fighting their way to success and destroying others in the process. misery is the main feature. Some people manage their lifestyles better than others. Luckily we don’t! Don’t we? Questioning ourselves We have implied that there are as many lifestyles as there are people and that each is unique (although of a pattern). not yet.
Is it possible to steal them? No. how can we understand what’s going on? Maybe we have taken out a loan so that we can be seen to give. How can one have peace. Then how can we get them? Can you tell me? Write and tell me how (the address is at the end). power and strength? Is it possible for us to give what we don’t have? No. what? Where are we searching? Is our search for true love and affection or for the more material things like money. Even if we try to show that we can give what we don’t have. on loan? Where is it possible to get them from? Is it possible to buy them. satisfaction. sympathy and compassion. or was childhood also a battlefield? Do we carry feelings of not being cared for at some point in our lives? Are we trusting or distrusting? Are we searching for something? If so. or try to show that we are searching for something. it is not possible to give what is not in us. but it will need repaying when the loan is due. or love and affection? Did we behave well with each other. to purchase them? No.Stuart Rose and material things. love and affection. 11 . happiness.
our relationships with family and friends. ‘where was I in the past?’ (past successes and failures cannot be changed). how we look. This ‘stocktaking’ is a completely objective appraisal of oneself and the life as it stands right at the moment. it’s one which may affect the whole of one’s life. A lot rides on its completion. a snapshot photo of where you are 12 . writing it all down in the form of lists is a good discipline. our financial position. It’s not a light decision. how happy we are. As an introduction. Then. the feelings one has about oneself and others. which parts? Will we take some time out away from normal routine to do it? Business people call it brainstorming and often do it in hotels! When starting. This task does not include answers to questions such as. what is ours and what is not ours. Will we need or wish to involve anyone else for some parts of it? If so. it’s a dream world). How will the task be undertaken? Some preparation is necessary. the first key question to ask is. when these are mostly finished. they can be brought together to make a master list. and they can be revised and amended as needs be. or ‘where will I be in the future?’ (this is fiction.Who Are You? Really! Chapter Two Looking more deeply into oneself We have touched upon the questions which are vital to ask about change – let’s now look at them in greater detail so that we can start to get to grips with arriving at the decision to change. and doing it thoroughly will form the foundation to any future change. ‘Where am I?’ This means taking complete stock of what our life entails – all of what it contains – including the responsibilities one has for oneself and others. This is a big and important task. the geography of where we are. and more. so it deserves close attention.
if we don’t get to know how we got where we are. Clarity must be uppermost. truthfully. One sheet of paper. see. There’s no blame attached to any of what might be found. Different bodies In all of what we have talked about so far. but it’s got to be done because. Then we can ask the next question (actually two questions in one). but these amount to the same outcome: am I satisfied or dissatisfied. the degree of change which is thought to be needed. warts and all. keep objectivity intact. nor praise. we’ve mentioned different types and sizes of bodies. and the picture we will paint of ourselves may be the most valuable ever produced in our lives. These are simple questions to establish what the current lifestyle is. where can I go from here. This process is an enormously positive one and involves much heart-searching (not muck-raking). and understand ourselves as we think we actually are. we are likely to continue in the same way of life as before – there will be no possibility of change. It’s the crux! ‘OK.Stuart Rose and where you stand. am I happy or miserable. and in which direction or directions. We will begin by looking at different ‘bodies’. The final question in this major sequence is a natural outcome of the first two. ‘How and why am I in this condition?’ To answer this honestly. and so forth? And from this the resolve to change can start to take shape. It can also include the mistakes which were made or avoided. It must be both the inner and outer person. which may not seem so positive at the time. and objectively might take some courage. what do I want from my life?’ This can be said in a number of different ways. but keep emotions in check. to know. which must be fully completed first. These can be summarized as: 13 . It’s as serious as that. That’s not its purpose. this is me now.
and make a copy of it or them through changing our own original. At this stage. normal. we must separate out different elements in an unreal way so that each can be studied in isolation. Now it can be seen that we can be influenced by the other’s lifestyle (family. we can consider the other’s lifestyle a better model to follow (or not). or one might have seen a need already but is lost. we just want each person to look at themselves as we may never have looked at ourselves before. The reason we need to do this is to establish and describe – get to know intimately – who it is that could have a lifestyle change. There are many combinations and variations in this model.). concerning what it is about the current lifestyle 14 . it’s by no means certain that a need for change has been seen. then (unlike Humpty Dumpty) we can put all the ‘bits’ back together again. it might be said that we know ourselves pretty well – we’re not trying to prove this wrong. Each entertains different lifestyles. many of which might not normally be perceived from. daunted. social. or have many other reasons (forwards or backwards). or in combinations – the world is an electronic village and has to be sorted out. etc. and they are all interrelated in a healthy or unhealthy way. unclear. This is a deep analytical look – much more than we have done already – at ‘myself’ from several angles. The first one is followed by the others. We will take a look at these bodies one by one. or we can come under the impression of the other’s lifestyle. from a healthy/unhealthy point of view. natural lifestyle. To do this.Who Are You? Really! Individual Family Social National International These five types of bodies are living bodies. Immediately.
which may need attention. We may end up deciding that no lifestyle change is necessary after all and, as long as we are certain that this is not avoidance, that’s OK too. So let’s start at the beginning.
What comprises the individual? Wow! Where can we start to unravel this enormous question? Let’s not get put off at the first hurdle but divide the question into manageable parts so that we can gently find our way in. This ‘I’, me, can straight away be divided in two. Later we might say that the division can be more than two, but for the moment two is sufficient. These two are ‘me the physical body’, and ‘me the mental body’. Even so, these are still substantial chunks to get to grips with. We can also sub-divide each of these into the four remaining types of bodies listed above, but that, too, will over-complicate our endeavor right now, although we will need to remember what we find here when we reach these types as they arise.
a. Me the physical body
We are closest of all to our physical bodies and know them intimately. Yes, we know all the warts and blemishes that we’d rather not mention, thank you! But we know that we are beautiful, too, even if this is difficult to admit to ourselves. Yet it’s surprising just how much our physical bodies influence who we are and how we have structured our present lifestyle. We must now look afresh, with objectivity. If we can stand in front of a full length mirror, preferably naked (so as to remove our ‘disguises’ or ‘camouflage’), on our own, it is possible to see oneself from a new perspective. Ask ourselves: What makes my body different from anybody else’s body? We all have different sizes in height, width, weight (and, of course, gender and ethnic origin), but isn’t it true that we all
Who Are You? Really!
have bodies just like this one reflected in the mirror? For example, when I breathe in and out the same thing happens as it does to every breathing being: the chest lifts and drops, and life is maintained. Apart from minor ‘peculiarities’, can we agree that I am just the same physically as everybody else? And these little peculiarities that I and no-one else has, these are what makes me different, what causes me to act in a certain way. There is no need to point them out individually here, from one’s own perspective they can – and must – be seen clearly. We have lived with them since they developed or occurred. They have influenced how we present ourselves to the world. Seeing a difference in our physical bodies (which are of a like with every other body), we create an unrealistic notion of our uniqueness – felt as real, but is unreal, imagined, illusory – which in turn ‘allows’ me to present both to myself and to others a deceptive, false lie about who I am. And so we comfortably get on with our lives, the truths well hidden in some ‘attic’ store chest. This is where change can originate: getting rid of the lies and moving towards living in truth – to ourselves mostly, but the outcome of this will naturally percolate to our broader ‘theatre’ of existence. (We’ve ‘jumped the gun’ a little here by talking in terms of the mental body, which shows just how difficult it is to talk about one body without involving another.) Standing here in front of the mirror, I can see that this body is no different – no better and no worse – than any other. We are all equal in this respect, and if I see myself different on this physical front (except in unusual circumstances), then attention has to be paid here. We can pose the question: If I only had one leg, would it mean that I am any less of a person? If all four limbs were lost, plus as much removed from the body as possible, again would this ‘me’ become more or less of a person? What is our reply? Still standing in front of the mirror, we can look with some awe and wonderment at this reflected body. At how perfect it is for the ‘job’ of living as a human being. There is nothing apparent
that is not necessary for the performance of this job: nothing extra, nothing which is not required; the legs and arms are just the right length; the torso full of all sorts of gubbins to feed and control itself, and ‘sweep up’. The ‘designer’ and ‘manufacturer’ has excelled; the machine is simply beautiful in every respect. Humblingly so. This means that the body in the mirror is perfectly suited for the lives we lead, and so also for the lifestyle. It cannot be improved (although it can be superficially and cosmetically altered, and some worn-out parts replaced). Yet it can and does adapt to different situations: for example, it can be both carnivorous and herbivorous; it can live equally well in the cold of Alaska and the heat of Nigeria; it can survive starvation and gluttony. In much the same way, this body adapts to many changes during its life (not least, for a woman, by bearing a child); in fact, it needs to change because of these life events. The lifestyle undergoes natural physical evolution all of the time, which means it is likely that any change that is decided to make will be accepted and catered for – could it possibly even be already in the design (in the program) that certain particular ‘extra’ changes occur from time to time? We have spent time standing in front of the mirror looking at our physical body in an attempt to see it in a new light. We can conclude that it is just a ‘machine’, a brilliant machine, in principle just like any other machine which is designed to do a particular job. It even has built-in obsolescence! We give it significant importance in our lifestyle, although in fact, it is inert. Without life, it is just a lump of meat – anyone who has seen a dead body can testify to this. Even with life, but in deep sleep, the body appears lifeless. Is the body simply the mind’s ‘toy’, something to play with: to anoint, dress up, enjoy? (There is another aspect to the physical body to which we pay scant or no attention, and we need pay it no attention here. This
b. All the four work together. not hours). Me the mental body The mental body seems very much more complex than the physical body and. The only useful suggestion is to find a comfortable place and relax because thinking time is what is needed (and maybe a pencil and paper). In this instance.Who Are You? Really! is all the autonomous systems. What do we think of it now? Is it as important as was first thought. the changeable bits and functions: air. To approach it so that we can see clearly its influence. and which not? What is the overall conclusion? There is one more question that is needed to be asked at this point. we turn to look at the second body.) We have spent some time standing in front of the mirror looking at the body from all angles. food. with all that we have established about this physical body. we will get very lost in trying to establish who this me is. or more so. It is my mental body which creates personas around my physical body. blood. this question will recur again and again in different guises as we proceed. A mirror is useless for this job. is not clearly visible. and others. the question is: Am I my physical body? Time for some more thinking…. 18 . so it is unrealistic and artificial to separate them but. yet we can immediately say that it is the prime influencer to ‘my’ lifestyle. The four parts of the mental body are: the mind (comprising our principal link to the physical body through the senses). it is better to sub-divide it into four constituent parts.. This may take a while (think in terms of days and weeks. control. not being material. and so now. They are all vital to life – and death – but remain scarcely visible in our mirror. or less so? Was it important at all? To what degree has it influenced the current lifestyle – answer from 0% to 100%? Is this positive or negative? Which parts of the answer can be accepted. if we don’t.
Mind Almost all of the communication between ‘me’ and my physical body is through the senses. the taste buds are tasting. It is also the mind which sends information back to the body (commands and responses) for action. ’I feel’. this means that the mind is essential to – but not particularly influential to – our lifestyle. As we can realize. and our ego or I-ness (which says ‘I want’. We have to live with this dual word usage! ii. we normally refer to all four components as mind. is not of concern here. i. The word ‘mind’ used here is a little confusing because. or I have fallen and broken my leg. Memory The information from the mind is automatically analyzed by the 19 . Let’s take a simplified look. and the ears are hearing and whether the body is in balance. in speech. touch. it is a channel for what the body organs and muscles are doing and sensing (in tandem with operation of the autonomous body systems). ‘I am’. Whether the taste is hot or cold. and so forth) – it is the deciding factor. but in countless combinations: we can see. and smell a flower at the same time. This information is then analyzed and identified by the other three parts of the mental body. it is the mind which identifies what the eyes are seeing. In itself. the skin is touching and sensing.Stuart Rose memory (comprising all the past knowledge). therefore. not just this one part. for example. intellect (which is where we ‘discuss’ what’s happening). The mind simply identifies and reports to the other three parts what the senses say – it sorts the information out into ‘digestible’ bits – then it sends messages determined by the other mental parts back to the body for action as required. the nose is smelling. or the house is burning down. Plus. these events don’t happen in isolation.
not just previous events. The memory doesn’t make the decisions that are remembered. rejected. which is why it is so easy to accept previous decisions – the memory can be likened to an overworked office which will cut corners in order to keep up with the large and constant stream of work which ‘pours’ in through its doors all day – and night. for instance). don’t touch it’ with ‘I’ve changed my mind. it remembers that I don’t like bananas. It’s called fast-tracking! To come to understand our lifestyle more fully. There usually is! The memory is important to the development and management of our lifestyle because it is the storehouse of what we have previously determined. it simply records. enabling us not to have to keep on deciding something about the same message stimuli that we have received maybe hundreds of times before. or am I like I am because of the force of habit?’ This is what takes the time: looking at every piece of pertinent information we can think of (and even ‘stuff’ which we don’t normally think of – those store boxes in the ‘attic’. some people are more scattered – it doesn’t matter. For example. and build separate piles for the results: for example. What matters is that we arrive at a series of conclusions about the relationship of the memory with the lifestyle that we are satisfied with. It is an effort to change the ‘programme’.Who Are You? Really! memory to see if there is anything familiar in what the senses ‘say’. then to consider it. review again. and responds accordingly. which are shortcuts. which means that another of the mental parts has to consciously overrule the automatic response of ‘remember what happened before. and ascertain just how much of it has been caused by fast-track instead of considered decisions – ‘Do I really want to be this way. But I’d like to try a banana again. it is the two remaining mental parts that make 20 . and so forth. we need to look at different parts of what we are now. just like in an office. pending. accepted. Some people can carry out this task in an ordered fashion. re-consider it. yes please!’ The memory is full of set patterns of what we want and don’t want.
or do I cut corners and only do half the job that could be done? Am I conscientious or thorough enough? Then more questions come: Are the set patterns the right ones for me. I have decided who I am. but doesn’t decide: using the analogy of a court of law. is it really me who thinks this way or am I led by family. 21 . Similarly to the mind and memory. I have decided all there has been to decide about my lifestyle. to weigh up the pro’s and con’s. it doesn’t form opinions. patriotism. or whatever reason that isn’t wholly or partly me? Am I satisfied with the answers I have come up with. Nothing moves without my say-so. or adopted without my agreement. and then it is left up to the judge to make the decision. it gathers and considers (weighs the evidence). Nothing! (Except for what is autonomous). I-ness There has been a build-up to this ‘high point’ in describing ‘my mental body’ until we have reached the ego or I-ness. Do I allow my intellect to investigate fully. what I am like. nothing is actioned. or do I want to shift emphasis much more squarely onto or away from my shoulders? The intellect operates in quite a factual way. Intellect The intellect is continuously presented with information from the mind and memory. and its function is to think about it and come to some conclusion. the intellect presents all the facts to the judge.Stuart Rose all the decisions. iv. The ‘I’ in me is supreme. Again. The conclusion is then taken on by the final part of the mental body for ratification and action. there is some thinking time needed here to ascertain (in very much the same way as we have done for the memory) if we have set patterns for thinking about things. accepted. and set solutions or answers. market forces. iii. society.
the ‘I’ has to decide who I am to be with. and ‘somewhere’ for the intellect to deliberate. life-changing decisions. and when one enquires more deeply into its nature it becomes surprisingly illusive. feeds me and starves me. loves me and hates me. These are almost physical in character. it’s always here. deciding whether or not to eat a banana). The ‘I’ instigates every thought. ‘somewhere’ for the memory to store its information. partly under our control. it does so much. Can this be done? Does this ‘I’ appear like a second ‘me’. we find it’s a very queer and slippery fish indeed! The power and effect of I-ness is enormous. However. First of these is attempting to find the ‘I’. determines my own self-importance. how I should talk. The ‘I’.Who Are You? Really! So what is this I? We can start to answer this question from a number of different perspectives. and what color umbrella I should use today. this ego or personality. to the most significant. The list of its decisions and their qualities is endless. or manages to divert attention away from itself. and the ‘I’ is contained – overtly or covertly – in every thought. Who gave this ‘I’ its authority? We can ask: Is this power completely under our control. It governs all of the lifestyle: the ‘I’ has to approve how I am at any one time. or completely out of our control? Who or what else other than this ‘I’ could do and achieve what is done? But what does the ‘I’ do? We can establish that it protects me and frightens me. In my mental body. thereby giving the impression that one has two selves to ‘talk’ and debate issues 22 . It governs everything from the most insignificant aspect of one’s life (for example. Think of a thought which in some way does not contain ‘I’. or even puts up obstructions to protect its discovery. On closer inspection. I-ness is different in that it does not have the quasi physical characteristics of its partners. it is plain to see that there is ‘somewhere’ for the senses to come together and be sorted. where I should live.
We will look at ways this can be done a little later. or does this ‘I’ feel as if it isn’t part of me at all. Everyone has a light and dark side to their lifestyle. and quite OK. such as some extraterrestrial or spirit basis to who we are? Can the influence of this ‘I’ be overruled if desired. If this dis-ease can be found. we think no-one else could have such terrors. and we can ask. totally awful. is because of survival. to survive – every dirty trick. reflective thought 23 . I will do anything. which is difficult to put my finger on. that it is something separate. Is there full approval of the decisions this ‘I’ makes? Is there contentment with the lifestyle it has created? These may seem strange and alien questions indeed. ‘Where on earth did I get that thought from?’ We hide and never admit we have dreadful thoughts. and if so. In fact. But we all do! That’s a fact. It can be vicious and sweet. It is only by much deep. whatever is required. I value myself more than anything else. It may surprise us with the thoughts that it thinks. Whatever the cost (except in exceptional circumstances). This is not exactly an unhappiness. every loving action. who by? We have said that this ‘I’ is a ‘queer fish’. maybe I’m not so bad after all. so that it no longer remains a subtle influence disturbing our lifestyle. but they need to be asked if one is going to be able to come to understand oneself more fully in order to know which direction the future lifestyle may take. it is more like an unease. to identify clearly. I have to survive. a disquiet. as we have indicated above. and it can be quelled or dealt with. it must be found and routed out if there’s going to be any chance of complete happiness. of this there is no doubt. Knowing this may be consoling. we can engage with it to ‘satisfy’ the pain it creates. absolutely anything.Stuart Rose together. The net cost of this is a deep or deeply concealed existential anguish or angst. One reason why the ‘I’ is so strong. It is a pain. it may give the thought: Well.
it can make it rock solid. as a concluding question. This is love. how come we can fall in love with a particular person and not others. sometimes it is anticipated. Without even the possibility of love. It’s where we have no control or that which is beyond any control in our lives. and sometimes it ‘knocks us for six’. Love is a major part of the lifestyle. intellect and ego create and which we have already looked at. could I do without it? c. Physically we have to eat and drink (and get rid of what’s not wanted). two aspects have not been mentioned in any detail. and we are completely surprised. am I happy with the work it does? And finally. it can turn our lifestyle upside down. to have a wide variety of physical pleasures. is the instinct and need to procreate. to be active. but we have to accept that it’s a ‘wild card’ played by unknown ‘external forces’. to have sex. there is no choice. Is there anything more than the physical and mental? In all that’s been said about the physical and mental bodies. These are the essentials. That’s one side.Who Are You? Really! that this can be achieved. to sleep and be warm. there is one further happening that occurs without any input from ourselves. it can destroy it! And there’s nothing whatsoever we can do about it. or not experience love at all? How come we can experience love without relation to ourselves or others? Is it true that love is not dependent on time or place? Can love be forced? One thing is certain. How come we can love ourselves. we can ask: Am I happy with how my ‘I’ is. On the mental side. memory. It occurs out of the blue. Its effect is felt throughout both our physical and mental bodies. Next to these. although not essential. However. can we say that our lives and lifestyles would be lacking the most important ingredient? 24 . so to speak. Sometimes it is welcomed. Again. the essential task is to survive – ‘I’ have to survive at all cost – and this need brings with it all of the mental means which the mind.
or achieves a state of nothingness where there is no more transmigration. Many religions and spiritualities have these beliefs. spiritual ideas are deeply involved.Stuart Rose Some people believe that we have a further body. regardless of beliefs. As was said in the beginning of this section. that I come from or am – in one particular form or another – made by this God and left pretty much alone to live this life. and we are writing this book for all people. With regard to the lifestyle. and contains a ‘balance sheet’ of my merits and demerits earned during this and previous lives (the number of lives depending upon which ideas are believed). The ideas are many. For many people. and they are an outcome from the idea that God (or whatever word is used) is in some way separate from me. The idea is that it is this body which transmigrates after death to heaven. it is a little unrealistic to look in the 25 . as it is a very substantial subject. we are concentrating our attention on this life. This third body is the spiritual body or soul. not anything else. and this idea needs to be raised here but not discussed in any depth. or goes to live another life (human or something else). it seems certain that they play an important role in the development of their lifestyles – these beliefs involve the very nature of existence itself. but for many they are not at all or only a little involved. but we are concentrating on terrestrial life (in other words. Individual (concluded) The door has now been opened to greater insight to how the lifestyle has been managed up until now. humanistic life) as it is being lived now. As so many people have such beliefs. and the strength of belief is strong and widespread. or is resurrected. We are not ignoring them here. surveys show that more than two-thirds of people believe that physical death is not the end of their existence. but not all. Where do we stand on this question? This spiritual body can be described as the sum total of me without the mind and physical body. For example.
Who Are You? Really!
isolated way that we have because there are many influences to the development of the lifestyle, but this approach has aided our concentration on the core influence. Some wider influences will be met with in the following sections. We have found that, although imagined to be highly influential, the physical ‘me’ (my physical body), is perhaps not so influential after all. Most of all, it is the ego or I-ness which has been the main determiner, the principal dynamic force, to the evolution of ‘my’ lifestyle. Questions have been raised as to the satisfactoriness of this finding, and an opinion will have been formed as to how much we have been led by ‘forces’ that we were unaware of. There will now be a much clearer conclusion of whether change or modification needs to be enacted. We have purposely avoided engaging with the individual in a social context up until this point because it was more important to look inwards first. However, the individual is not usually an isolated, inward-looking being all of the time, but relates constantly with the four other bodies: family, social, national and international. There is a vibrant dynamic at play between the individual and the others, and we will look at the complexities and inter-relational issues they create.We are all well aware of the dramatic social changes which have taken place in the twentieth century and, to avoid repeating, these will be mostly talked about in the following section devoted to the family, to which our attention will now turn.
There has been a clear distinction between the prevalence of a nuclear or an extended family between westerners and those from elsewhere, but this situation is changing as western values encroach further and further across the globe. Up until the Industrial Revolution, extended families were the norm in most countries, but since then they have declined to such an extent in the West that they are edging towards becoming a rarity. This is
now happening in many other places with the onset of the Technological Revolution, primarily in the cities. Even the meaning of the word ‘family’ has changed, and the word ‘group’ might be more accurate to use in some situations; similarly (but to a lesser extent), ‘marriage’ can be replaced with ‘partnership’. There is no necessity for blood ties between people involved in the group. What this means is that there has been a dramatic change in the lifestyles of huge numbers of people: stability of the traditional family unit has flown out of the window, and change is occurring mostly in one direction. Whereas the earlier family contained many people – four or even five generations together with siblings’ families – now it may contain between one and four persons – at most two generations and just a single family unit. One result of this in some countries is that there is a negative birth rate (where more people die than are born). It is not necessary here to look at why this situation has arisen, as we can leave sociologists to work it out; what we need to do is establish what some of the newer joys and difficulties are that influence today’s lifestyles. No matter how populated the family is or was, nor how gregarious its members, each person in that group has always been an individual – there always has been a need for some degree of privacy. In the smaller family, this is now almost forced upon its members – thought of as a positive if it surfaces as solitude, but more so as a negative if it is loneliness. In varying degrees, both are familiar to all people, and both influence the lifestyle. On the other hand, by living in a family or group, it is easy to live parts of the others’ lives instead of living one’s own simply because it helps avoid some of the problems encountered in fully living one’s own life. We can most easily do this by disproportionally living out our children’s lives. When people live together, it normally means that they have
Who Are You? Really!
relationships with one another. There are two principal types: blood or sexual. A difference between the two is that there is no choice of who is related to whom in blood relationships, but there is choice in who is the sexual partner. One view on this latter type is that if there is no sexuality involved, then it is not a relationship but more akin to a friendship or some such. Up to this point we have not talked about sexuality, yet in different ways it has very much to do with the physical and mental bodies, with being an individual, and being a family. Sexuality plays a substantial role in our lifestyle formation and management. In a broad sense, for many it is one of the highest pleasures in life. It also produces the most scruples and hangups! However, it is not the purpose here to talk about sexuality per se; we build our lives (and our lifestyles) principally around making ourselves happy, and pleasurability is one of the predominant factors in this happiness. In comparatively recent times, although not in every country or society, there has been substantial change involving sexuality: contraception and abortion is legal and available; homosexuality and prostitution are condoned; ‘soft’ pornography is accepted as part of life; many, many marriages end in divorce, which, in turn, has given rise to the dysfunctional family; sex before marriage is commonplace; marriage itself is no longer a social ‘necessity’, and many couples live together and build families this way. The size of family, as we have said, has also changed beyond recognition – the ‘cement’ which held the members together has been washed away, so to speak. Perhaps the principal cause of this is the desire for greater riches and for the ‘supposed’ concomitant rise in happiness and quality of life. Changing a job can involve changing a country, and the family unit is further eroded; riches may come, but not necessarily greater happiness – changing a job can often entail forced change of lifestyle for all family members. Children move away from parents, brothers and sisters move away from each other, grandparents are dispatched
Social. this is 29 . social groups. move home every few years – nothing is static. of individuality) can be directed to one’s advantage. and maybe further This final part of our section ‘Different Bodies’ combines the final three bodies and looks beyond. as most people have friends. Much that has been said in the extensive first two parts is highly relevant to the lifestyle in these broader contexts. we might have given the impression that there is much greater freedom for everyone but. And we haven’t even begun to explore space – ‘housing estates’ on the moon or planets other than Earth can’t be that far away! Up until this point. However. extend beyond the family home. Relationships. There is so much displacement occurring to today’s family: it’s no wonder that the lifestyle needs to change regularly to keep up. Mobility is one of the key factors: we can work many miles away from home. in reality. Greater freedom (of movement. Greater freedom within the family itself also gives greater opportunity to expand one’s horizons. although faced with ‘shifting sands’ and unique ‘tests’. National. of morals. this newfound ‘liberty’ may slow down (or move in a different direction) as new technology enables us to ‘meet’ with family. but it can be far more satisfying to be one’s own ‘piper’ – if there is courage and a firm knowledge of oneself. 3. it is easier to follow a ‘pied piper’. and. in the West. International. work colleagues. yet each person can. can have a substantial impact on the lifestyle.Stuart Rose to retirement homes (if they haven’t already gone to one under their own steam). and colleagues using video phones. Yes. The lifestyle today. The world is not going to change its fast-flowing direction. again. with which they are engaged in all kinds of ways. of course. friends. and so forth. is not all doom and gloom. associates. take a holiday on the opposite side of the world to where we live. And these.
and we suffer things like information glut with computers and the Internet. Firm knowledge about oneself and the relative world releases some of it. which all work together thereby exacerbating themselves to higher pitches such as road rage and suicide. inconstancies) – there’s no end to the list! There is seemingly no escape from fear: it ‘lurks’ never far away hidden under our apparently happy. We can look at what is binding us. This black picture is being painted to make the point that.Who Are You? Really! not the case. competition is fierce. but seems harder to find and easier to lose. but the reverse is the outcome! Surprisingly. New technology is designed to make our lives easier. Fear also spawns yet more miseries. but the unconscious tension which fear creates needs something stronger. This is why we are saying here that change or modification maybe needed due to the lifestyle: I am 30 . not more. we have less time. cars crash. But if only the material is used to defend against the material we will never grow. washing machines. Happiness itself still exists. increasingly. from the inability to manage it. and the like. smiling faces. It is the material which is most under threat. (not to mention fears we have about ourselves: inadequacies. jobs are lost. terrorists abound. Everything is insecure and uncertain: marriages break up. depression. important areas. and these include anger. children are abducted. Perhaps first and foremost is that we are bound by a greater degree of fear. each of us has to defend ourselves more comprehensively. new diseases are spreading. frustration. homes are lost through debt. creating more tensions such as impatience. crime is rampant. inabilities. to greed for more of it – fear is never far away. and traffic jams making longer travelling time with more and ‘better’ roads and cars. and a prime reason for this is life’s material basis. if not all. machines (cars. It may well be that we are more bound than ever before in most. computers) break down.
national and international bodies. shopping (even for groceries) via the internet from home. now they are starting to make the individual more isolated – working from home. What is more. I maintain it. if they are all so distant and vague? Am I the only person whom I can serve. I am no longer where I was born and brought up. the feeling of patriotism and national identity will decline as nations form closer and closer links with each other. To talk more about the latter in isolation starts to become a history of the world and its new technologies. and does this satisfy my need? We feel lost: where do I belong? And who can I love with any certainty other than myself? My interaction with others is also alienated as it sometimes appears that those involved – whether from family. the country has changed. a little about the family. or my country.Stuart Rose the way into this situation. and sparsely about the social. social or wider origin – now form one amorphous collection of individuals. I have moved home several times? Feelings of alienation can arise. The different structures have dissolved. We know that these have made the world smaller by bringing people together more quickly. in turn creating new challenges – but also new 31 . The individual’s interface with the other bodies and itself We have talked extensively about the individual. take-away meals ordered by phone delivered to the home. ‘chat’ intimately with people we have never and are never likely to meet via email groups in the privacy and security of home – physical social interaction outside of the family or group is in sharp decline. and we become more citizens of the World – or Universe – rather than of a particular country. Who can I serve? How can it be the family. Who or what will I be willing to die for – the children have gone. collapsed. or merged. my colleagues. and I am the only way out of it.
but there are fewer and fewer people in it. All of us will have experienced some of this and know that we are more on our own now than ever before. especially so if children have left. and finally evolved. it declines. The individual is simultaneously both expanding and shrinking! The home (as a physical place) – where we are – is becoming more important than ever. as I exist in this momentum. the world will pass me by or sink me in its surge. The crucial ‘mover’ in all of this was I-ness: our desires. one would go nowhere. We can establish just how much of what happened was our doing. were sustained. to be new again. it is sustained by the source and breathes its life. disintegrates. and how much happened outside of our control – how much just occurred almost of its own volition. if I stand still. There is an eternal cycle of which this situation is but another manifestation. never have a chance of being happier. It can be likened to a smooth flow which appears the opposite when viewed in isolated sections. We sit at home and watch it all – interacting with it – on the TV. more disposable. I have to change. At the same time. only to be ‘re-born’. and it is easier to change. the physical body becomes less important as its public exposure reduces. and I will never end the misery. our engagement with it is reducing. It’s an odd thing that while our ‘world’ (of interests) is getting bigger because it’s getting smaller (more accessible). do nothing.Who Are You? Really! problems – regarding where I fit into it all. or evolves from this source. Without the ‘I’. returning to the source. of this there is no question. Many of these cycles (the bodies we are discussing) occur in various sequences – it is a seemingly continuous process – which means that. We can notice clearly the cycles we have been through: how they began. One way of describing it is to say that all and everything begins from a source. wants and needs. I need to keep clarifying where I am. or the reason for marriage or partnership has come under question. 32 .
dislikings. the answer is: i) a house is built with bricks. for example. or not? How can I start to move forward? In the next section. One could ask. we have given 112 pointers which paint and describe qualities. the animal after eating just stands still or lies down and only moves again if pushed or hunger re-appears. points. and v) in the same way. expectations. but the raindrops are not the river itself. methods. guidelines. or is one bound by set patterns of behavior which automatically ‘switch in’? Is the individual even losing the ability to think for her or himself? How has this happened? The point each of us must come to is one of clear decision: in this direction. wrong movements. some mixtures and combinations of these. and habits. abilities and capabilities. iii) a bicycle is made from metal parts. habits. Or is it? Does one interact in different ways according to the situation. why are so many points and factors given in the following assemblage? For this. but the threads are not the cloth. and habits are not the lifestyle itself! Because of any reason. but the metal parts are not the bicycle itself. on the theme of ‘lifestyle’. is my life working as I want it to. it is then the questions arise: how to do it and what to do it for? And we have already 33 . or that. or not? Can it be improved and made happier. ii) a cloth is made of threads. It can be likened to a huge wardrobe full of clothes to try on. points. but the factors. inner motors. likings. even its own physical body. and we can mix and match what comes to mind to our heart’s content. but bricks are not the house itself. when it becomes necessary to bring change or modification to the lifestyle. identifications. in different ways: it is very versatile. a lifestyle is made from many factors. guiding forces. or not? Should I change my lifestyle. iv) a river is ‘made’ by raindrops.Stuart Rose just as. experiences. and so forth. behavioral patterns. This I-ness interacts with all the bodies.
For example. which type of material can be used for which purpose. in differing proportions. even though the goalposts may change or move repeatedly during the process of this work. ‘through the self’. at different times. and the cause of the cause. and occasions. as well as looking at experiences from the past and present lifestyles. even mine. So. We must be clear about what we’re doing so it’s worth repeating. how can we repair or renovate. and ‘through the self’. ‘for the self’. A lifestyle is ‘by the self’. Many points and factors need to be thought about. as there must be some extra points or factors which could be added to this list. problems.Who Are You? Really! started our approach to these. Who is the final deciding authority? 34 . From where and when can the change or modification start? To change the house. some goal. how many bricks will need to be changed or modified? Similar questions can also be applied to other examples: just how long is a piece of string? What is more. places. even though they might not relate directly to each person. etc. by using such words as ‘if’. disturbances and their cause. the lifestyle of a dead person and a living one are possible to compare. ‘maybe’. and ‘for one’s own self’. and how much is enough? It is better to have some idea. All these many points and factors are directly or indirectly concerned with our own decisions. then it should be ‘by the self’. Each of us can discover for ourselves how all these elements are interconnected in different ways. ‘perhaps’. ‘in case of’. is not inside? Which points or factors are missing? Write and tell me (the address is at the end). Can one say that the picture of anyone’s lifestyle. will be more or less. when it is important to bring about change or modification to the lifestyle. but the lifestyle of a person not yet born is not possible to predict and compare! What is possible to predict? The percentage of pain. ‘for the self’. suffering.
Stuart Rose Chapter Three The following pages represent highly intensive thinking material. to start to expand it. or are we putting on false ‘airs’: is there pretence. and read them over and over again – take thinking time to establish points for development and growth from what is said. Think laterally. 35 . you are a rascal taking me on endless adventures. The reader must decide. but most of all. Take time to go through each Pointer. and you are convincing that it’s me in the play. be relaxed. or do we just think we do? What is the attitude towards oneself? Is there force to be like this. these each of us need to add. one with minimum unwanted disturbances. enjoy the show. which may help and guide getting to the point or points of the Pointer. think truly. a response or commentary is given. After each of the Pointers. That is the hope.) 1 Attitude to do To behave. Yet what is said might unnecessarily cause a diversion and only hinder what is brought to mind. (Who is it living like this or that? Are we like what we see. This thinking material is given to help come to a better understanding of ourselves to enable a healthier and happier life. not an actor – maybe it’s better to ‘sit back’ and watch the show. not be hurt or pleased by any of its events. or is it a natural occurrence. to live. in a certain and particular way. The responses are not in any detail of particular life events or personal understanding. 112 Pointers to a Brighter Lifestyle Just See what Rises in the Mind and Play (O mind. tangentially. or is the person under the microscope really like what they want to be? Do we really live as what is seen. mostly in the form of questions.
Yet if there’s no adjustment. is for pleasure and 36 . Is there something to gain or lose by adapting? Yes. a little contentment is possible. (What’s the difference between adjusting and adapting? What does the dictionary say? Does adapting mean more of a change than simply adjusting what already is? Is it possible to adapt to different situations. In any case. this life is just right. But is there a risk of the reverse? What to do?) 4 Acceptance For certain things.) 3 Adaptation To have.Who Are You? Really! without personal influence? Is it known what other people think of how we live. how we behave? What does the word ‘attitude’ mean? So many similar questions about oneself!) 2 Adjustment It’s natural to adjust. and which part needs attention? We must be honest with ourselves. an increase in happiness. almost so. and how much needs adjusting if the decision is made to adjust? Which part of this life is really OK. but why does one need to adjust? Does one need to have less disturbance in the life. If only things had been different. How to decide. or to be more comfortable? Why adjust? (No need to. why bother to adjust? This life will be alright in the end. are smooth for us on the inside. Well. After adapting it. survival may not be possible. afterwards there can be contentedness. with certain purpose. Take the easy route. or to procure what one doesn’t have. It’s as crucial as that. or is there a reserve. so that the existing lifestyle or future performance and activities and so forth. an unwillingness? Identify which situations they are.
it’s not good.) 5 ‘Openness’ To receive with closedness is very difficult. or are we open? Or are we both. In the reverse. and in it. Does it matter about the object. and is that why it’s required? At this time. there can be unhappiness. isn’t it. depending on what mood we’re in? Openness is expansive. Either way. what is wanted to be accepted and what not? Then the question can be asked: why this way or why the other way? Which is right? Is there a right and wrong? But then there’s another way of looking at acceptance. oneself? To explore this further. along with 4 and 5. (Yes. but what happens if there’s no agreement? If there’s no openness and acceptance. when there’s agreement. contentedness.Stuart Rose happiness. how is agreement possible. happy. one way limited. it gives bad feelings. (Are we closed off. and am I separate or a part of it? The ego or personality might insist that there is separateness from the source. receiving can be uncritical. or does it manifest as half-hearted and so of less value or even valueless? Is there tranquillity. but this needs to be thought about. or is it more concerning about the subject. and is the pattern based on outside influences or internal ones? And what has fear got to do with the answer?) 6 To agree Again this is required. there can be happiness. welcoming. are we better people. dissatisfaction. it is required. and is the indifference hot or cold? Is there an in between?) 37 . more in focus. or does being generally in agreement make no difference to us? Can we be indifferent to what occurs. the other way unlimited. it seems there might be an inconsistency here: is there a pattern to when we are open and when we are closed. (It’s a choice. bad faith. Where is what is being faced coming from.
Have we done this in the past? In retrospect. Becomes also the cause of habit formation. or is greater happiness found with others? What has pleasure got to do with this? Nothing or everything? Is freedom pleasurable. Or is it? Interest can be creation: one develops a liking for something or somebody. to get. (Just like being at a restaurant when there’s nothing that takes one’s fancy. but only when the choice is sufficient. and no interference and disturbance from others. or are we not in the right frame of mind to make a rewarding choice? Are all choices rewarding? Maybe we have to make the choice out of what there is. Is it what’s on offer. nobody we like. (The interest that is received on one’s savings or activities is not what is meant here. whether we like it or not and regardless of the result. creates a bridge or passage for movements of energy: to have. or is the most freedom always solitary? Which is preferred? Is there happiness on one’s own. a family or society for example. nothing appetizing. to achieve some things. or is fun better? And what is meant by ‘better living’? Is it possible?) 9 Interest A binding agent. Does interest mean dissatisfaction with what one has. nothing good to buy. the choice. is 38 .Who Are You? Really! 7 Use of choice Right to select is possible. and that liking is the interest upon which action is built. was it a good choice or not so good? When do we abstain from choosing? How do we know?) 8 Use of freedom For better living with maximum enjoyment. has one ever enough. like a glue. making possible (bridging) the way forward. nothing we want to do. (Are we ever completely free or is freedom always a compromise? Is there freedom in a group of people together.
a popular value. then can we trust them as a guide? And what of feelings upon which we’ve made important decisions. and how is moderation possible?) 10 Feeling As a base of thinking. however slight. than developing something truly unique. Why do we like what most other people like? Is it because it’s easier to adopt an existing value. was the result as planned. and indifferent? Can we control them. priority is given in looking to certain things. decision. to show own uniqueness – speciality – through this. can anyone or anything influence them. it is why so many of us wear ‘unique’ designer clothes. or are feelings of all sorts: good. and so forth. truly ourselves? Is it because we are fearful of being different? Do we lack the courage of our convictions to be unique?) 39 . and action: works as a guiding force. or who is it that rules the roost? If we cannot control them. or is to have no feelings. but we are all different because we each have unique value systems – this is why so many people shop at supermarkets and so basically eat the same food in the same way.Stuart Rose the habitual building of bridges good or not so good? Is the extreme an addiction. impossible? Is there a clear definition of what a feeling is. or like a guide. bad. or were there a few surprises? How can we trust ourselves? Is there a way?) 11 Value system Importance is given on a certain basis. (What is there no feelings about. (Is each of us unique or are we all essentially the same? O. and is any addiction good? What’s the honest answer. do we know. watch the same TV programmes.
freeing or stifling.Who Are You? Really! 12 Determination Or. who or what actually produced the result – did we achieve the result unaided. How is it possible to tell when one is stuck in repeating routines and. and what are its negative aspects? Does a routine lead to an ordered life. to be open to change even when things are going alright. insistence. how can we get out of it. Just to repeat and repeat! (Are routines good or bad. Is that OK? Unwillingness to even consider change must be considered detrimental to leading a full life. for not having some changes very often. or does not having one lead to a chaotic life? Routine may be thought of as beneficial. do we just hope it will and wait for it. deciding. a little like a bonsai tree that hardly grows because it isn’t given enough space to spread its roots. occasionally. if it becomes like a rut. And how often should change be considered: once in a blue moon. or what was the help we received? Do we 40 . but it may also lead to becoming stuck. we can say. or stubbornness. or do we do something concrete to make it come about? When we’ve thought about it and done things to make something happen. fixed. or can they be both? What is the benefit of a routine in our lives. (Are we determined not to be happier? We can stay put as we are for the rest of our lives. or all of the time? Do we have the courage to not stand still. and acting in a particular way. often. closed. for particular reasons it becomes a set pattern of certain movements. when life is comfortable?) 13 Following a regular routine Once the programme is started. what help do we need?) 14 Making it happen Goal-oriented movement or activity from thinking. (If we want something particular to happen in our lives. firmness.
Stuart Rose always make things happen in the same way. (Yes. to be similar like others. sometimes to the detriment of our inner life. but does this improve just the physical side of our lives? Are we happier through our efforts? Many will have visited poorer countries where standards are much lower than ours. If the outer is strong but the inner weak. are the results always the same. but internally we are unhappy. and. if externally we appear to be happy. what can be done to shift the balance of positive effort from the outer life to the inner? Will changes need to take place? If so what needs to be done to give the inner greater strength and satisfaction? Can we risk weakening the outer life?) 17 Responsibility Feeling of responsibility. we can improve our standard of living. which has some force and control. or do we normally try different ways for the same ends? Which way is better. how can we become more content? Further. outer level – but there is a strong inner base or satisfaction. or on what does the answer depend?) 15 Improving the standard of living Through achievements. where will this lead? Can this be called living a lie. 41 . maybe all of our lives are spent doing this. but how can we make our life happier. what would happen if we didn’t?) 16 For inner satisfaction Somehow it may look like unhappiness – no satisfaction outside. upgrading little by little. does it matter that we keep similar to others. if we do. and can there ever be real satisfaction and happiness living in this way? If this is the case. but nevertheless found that the people were happier than us. (It seems important to maintain our outer appearance. one after the other. There is nothing wrong in making life more comfortable.
However. (Do we allow ourselves the freedom to do and live how we want. children. so can we take this for granted and get on with the job of designing our lives? Yes or no? But if we didn’t create the 42 . or does it matter if the answer is known or not? The internal and external environments exist. which is asking us to think whether we are ever completely free?) 19 Conditions Internal or external environmental condition (any type of environment) which becomes the designer of ‘life design’! (We have a mind and a body. (Who are we primarily responsible for.Who Are You? Really! along with some restrictions on movement. or parents? Alternatively. then who creates the conditions whereupon the design of life evolves. once met with. for example. or is our life full of compromises? Do we value ourselves sufficiently to be able to fulfill our wishes or what is it that obstructs us? In previous Pointers. supply of provisions. each Pointer contains differences and links to the others which. similar self-questioning has been raised and will again below. go towards building a comprehensive picture of ourselves. likes and wants. who is it that chooses what to do. or at the bottom? What responsibilities do we have for ourselves? How does each of the responsibilities we have influence (restricting or freeing) our lives? Is this voluntarily acceptable or forced?) 18 Allowance First to oneself. is it one’s partner. If we are free to do as we wish. to do in accordance with own wishes and will. invent or build our own conditions or does ‘someone’ else? If the answer is ‘not me’. is the responsibility we feel more materially based. activity or performance. or facilities? Can these be prioritized from most responsible to least? And where does each of us fit into the list? Are we at the top. somewhere in the middle. but do we set. for our home.
that is we don’t know what it’s for. after knowing one’s own limits. and a sea fish. the reverse. it gives the shape. and is there a pattern to this? As the pointer says. and to do according to this guideline. capability To swim in both types of water. intellectual. is it possible to work at bringing some of the ‘can’ts’ towards the upper part of the list? Doing this. in what areas of life: practical. and in which situations do we have either one or the other. a freshwater fish cannot survive in salt water. or where? We can make a list with ‘cans’ at the top and the ‘can’ts’ at the bottom. we realize our limits. depending on the situation. In which situations do we have both. emotional. and we know it. it requires effort to 43 . can we learn to become ambidextrous. then how then can we successfully design the life? Puzzling. the maxim above is helpful in bringing us to work harder at seeing ways to overcome our limitations. Once this is seen.Stuart Rose environment (for example this mind and body). or are we capable but have no ability? Maybe we have both these skills. to show. ‘sweetish and saltish’. In this analogy. (Words from the past are heard clearly: there’s no such word as can’t! But some things just aren’t achievable. so to speak? Where can we get the strength and power from to do this? Do we have it within?) 21 Can and can’t Guideline for doing. isn’t it!) 20 Ability.) 22 Discipline It creates the frame. Where are we most limited. A fish cannot do this type of demonstration! (Are we able but have no capability. to demonstrate strength and power. or a mixture of the variations.
that life doesn’t need it? What is the experience of purposely applying discipline to one’s life. to make it easier to move forward. do we say. And we suffer the consequences. to ignore. but isn’t it the case we always have the personal satisfaction that. Do we select one of these three when making a decision that is difficult. it’s more difficult and here we say: ‘just one more cream cake. or is it thought to be unnecessary and valueless. ‘I did it’? If so. It may be at any cost for certain and specific purposes or reasons. (The Pointer contains three slightly different approaches. or when we know the outcome is already decided or over which 44 . but for others. what needs to happen for complete surrender to take place? Is it possible to let the whole of the individual will go? What would this entail?) 24 To neglect. to be ready to do as per the wish and will of others. but at some point or points in our lives. half-hearted discipline. Is this true? We may think we give everything in certain circumstances. albeit on the same theme. Is discipline thought to be beneficial and necessary. bad or is there indifference? Do we get where or what we want without it. Is that satisfactory?) 23 Surrender To give up resistance. ‘Oh well. then only is it possible to get and enjoy the result. and not to consider To achieve what is fixed and decided by one or more than one. it won’t do any harm’. (Everything we do is for our personal gain in some form or other. is it good. involved in some of the considerations about what to take into account when making a decision. yes or no? Without it or with partial discipline. we surrender and sacrifice – or perhaps more likely partially give up or compromise – our own desires to another’s benefit. (Discipline or self-control is natural for some.Who Are You? Really! maintain for whatever it is. we tried the best we could’.
just getting by with the minimum amount of input. non-manipulative method? Is life all about getting it no matter what the cost for oneself or others?) 45 . how can it be possible to have it. to achieve it. without making the effort to fully consider all that we could?) 25 To remain ‘in search of’ Feeling of missing out of what others are having. (Manipulation is an art perfected by some to achieve their goal. do we feel good. at any cost. is it nonessential. to not be able to work out for oneself the way forward. How can we find this out? Or alternatively. (It’s easy to get stuck. and what others might say can be misleading. by any way. bad or indifferent about using it. without breaking out of the mould. Yet we can feel that it’s inappropriate to ask for help because we each have to live our own lives in our own way.Stuart Rose we have no influence? Or is this our normal way of getting through life. when do we use it. why are we valuing what we don’t have and have never thought of having until we see someone else with it? Is where we are in life where we want to be regardless of anyone else?) 26 Manipulation To have it. do we value the result of using it as much as we would by using a different. or are we forced to use it to survive? In what type of situation can manipulation be ethically or morally correct? Now look in practice: do we use it. This sense of incompleteness may be correct. requires this skill of manipulation. so to speak. that is only considering things from a limited or partial perspective. or it may be that this search is for something we already have but don’t realize. but how do we feel about it in theory? Is it a good or bad characteristic? Is it an essential quality to get successfully through life.
but if there are no others. tipping the balance between what can be accepted and what cannot.Who Are You? Really! 27 Just to suppress For this. where the weak side is. how can we be sure that something is just or 46 . We can complain about lots of things outside with the purpose of making them more acceptable. which in turn can be the motivation to change in such a way that there are no more complaints. but do we complain about things inside.) 29 To fight for justice To search. it’s easy. to locate where the injustice is. but our lives can be ones of continual suppression of the truth. such as the way we are. what we have done – to whom can we address these complaints? Inner complaints must be self-criticisms. and this unhappiness is quite strong. what has to change?) 28 To complain To point out certain things for improvement. Better to suppress. To do immediately? (It is easy to think about justice for others. but how can we assess whether something is just or unjust for ourselves? How can we see the difference between the two objectively? Talking to others can help. past experience (as a guide) gives the guidance. always comfortable! Is this how our life is? Normally it’s not. Is this the way we want our life to be. how we think. It’s rarely like this. Difficulty in adjustment. showing that everything’s ticketiboo. We live a lie and die without revealing or realizing the truth. or what can we do to live fully in the truth. (If we complain we are unhappy about something. This is the way to contentment. a piece of cake – it’s always happy. and to be a lawyer for that side. always successful. (Life isn’t difficult. so for some reason – perhaps because we might feel inadequate for certain tasks in life or in certain situations – we hide the inner truth and wear a perfect mask. with some reason and purpose behind. and to show that it’s easy and comfortable.
nothing is solved. if we find new evidence. but no. (When we feel we are the protector it means that we feel strong or at least have some strength. to remain clean. responding at the same level simply prolongs the agony. life will never be settled. protect them? But we must ask ourselves. what good are they? Can we throw them out as rubbish or re-build them with greater strengths or are we loathe to let them go. If selfinjustice is left. the weak one. clear and fair. or to crumple under its weight. appeal against our self-judgement? Yes. It’s the most substantial defence. Can we then. What happens when we are attacked? What are the emotions that immediately rise up? Is it to ‘hit’ straight back. the weaknesses and strengths. and fair.Stuart Rose unjust? We must become our own lawyer and weigh up the facts and feelings. clear and fair defends against all disturbances. what value do our weaknesses have for us.) 30 Feeling of fair To get disturbance from unfair behaviour. are they worth protecting. results. clear. and then also be our own judge to give a fair and impartial ruling. Do we know our weaknesses well enough so that we can always be ready to support them. if we just don’t like what we have decided. or actions. even though we may also have weaknesses. to change the status quo?) 47 . is the ability for selfprotection. Try to remain clean.) 31 To be a protector A ‘sense to protect’ the weak side. if we want. for both sides of the ‘case’. Throughout life. so how do we achieve this? What needs to occur within us? Our strength will be found in always being clean. (No matter what another person might unfairly do to you or say about you. We have an instinct to survive and. in every aspect. within this. or will it make no dent in our ‘armour’? Which is best? Solid levelness is the ideal state.
male tendencies in a female. to be with ‘spiritual behaviour’. It’s an outlook. not seriously. self-fulfilling. busy. to suckle. (Is there a separation or distinction between spiritual and day-today activity. and caring to develop towards the needy. at least. hilarious. melancholic. to consider others as children (like one’s own). to promote the well-being of all. not just some or most women. Does each of us have it. is in tune with. and just plain normal. respectively). just like life as a whole is many qualities at different times. anything or any matter related to life (don’t mind behaviour). incorporates. way of conducting our lives which doesn’t have to be sombre or serious. to keep.Who Are You? Really! 32 Mother instinct Allow emotions. thoughts and behaviour? Can we identify what is spiritual and what is not? Spiritual does not mean religious. we can love ourselves. sad. It is not narcissistic. And these can be all ‘colours’: joyful. to show. but all people? Psychology talks of the anima and animus (female tendencies in a male. peaceful. (Another protecting instinct is the mother instinct – the nurturing capability. Spiritual behaviour can be like most other types of behaviour but with one important difference in that it understands.) 48 . consider others as our own. Can we consider ourselves to be in some way our own mother. but much more selfvaluing. affections. To take it is easy. the ‘deep’ truths about life. This self-love is vitally important to our growth. Who is the most needy of our love if it is not ourselves?) 33 ‘Spiritual behaviour’ and no seriousness In day-to-day life activity other than the spiritual field. too. this is something entirely different. having both the anima and animus? We can nurture ourselves. a specific way of being. and most importantly. not all of the time. teach ourselves.
happy. the center for all. but a few minutes later it has melted and is no more. from this it’s easy to see fear is a roundabout spinning so fast that it’s impossible to get off. and to perceive what is not there as if it is there? To be clean. it’s real enough straight from the fridge. What is this?) 35 Fear A basic instinct which becomes the controlling agent sometimes. it is safer to stay aboard. functions. Everyone tries to be. activities. realized where it is. It is difficult to know how it is inside. Until it is recognized. it enables our survival. why it is. or like a thought or a tree and even a person. What is Real in life? Is everything that we think as real a misconception? Is our reality merely a reflection and fleeting. it says ‘look out’ and then we can react to avoid or face the danger. wants to be. What is real about all these? Real has to be solid. How much of our lives is governed by fear. change being too risky? If so. and systems. Fear is both beneficial and detrimental. Real spelled with a capital ‘R’ infers it may not mean what one immediately thinks. there is no mirror What is there to consider. in its own form. Real means permanent and unchanging as opposed to real which is temporary – like an ice cream. manifests in many different ways connected and related with many various fields. free from fear. in which way it is. (What is real? To answer this we must first establish what is meant by the word ‘real’. it is all the time more like a best companion with one! (What is it we are frightened of? The answer to this can be: things and people which threaten our well-being in some way. dependent on the existence of the mirror? What is real is that which has no reflection. Fear is our protection. to perceive as what is not there. and what does this result in? Is fear deeply imbedded thereby ensuring that we never contemplate change. and the center of all. since how long it is.Stuart Rose 34 Reflection is Real. and as the ‘best companion’ it may need to be 49 .
put more in perspective. child. and vice versa. (This is obvious. and just in case something happens to something for which there isn’t an alternative. planet. proof and evidence is needed to establish factual knowledge. is wisdom always true. maybe. knowledge cannot exist without ignorance.) 36 Proof and evidence This is the source of real knowledge. doesn’t it? There is very little of importance that we can have alternatives for. better to have. for worldly matter. always reliable?) 37 To have ‘alternatives’ Just in case of. body. to grow. to collect. to store. means.Who Are You? Really! relegated. mother or father. the mundane? How is it that things occur to us seemingly out of the blue? Wisdom is different because it’s not based on worldly matters. or is there something else? Are we ruled by what is measurable. or ideal? Sounds funny. parameters. Is life completely comprised of knowledge and ignorance. for verification of the knowledge. country. by certain tools. In fact. but are we ever caught napping without something up our sleeves to protect us? Where or when might we never need to have something in reserve saved up for a rainy day or blue moon? Can we have an alternative to ourselves? Can we have an alternative partner. but can we be certain that wisdom exists? If it does. Knowledge and ignorance refer to worldly matters. Knowledge has its opposite in ignorance. after that. what are we going to do?) 38 To identify with that. home. (It’s important to fully understand the meaning of words we use. methods. to keep some alternatives ready. to facts and figures and the like. to develop with that and in that 50 . not on facts and figures. what has not to be! To establish oneness. to keep. perhaps. then what to do? So.
life is too ordinary. to make it tasty. (The food is too plain. what is the matter with reality? As in the previous Pointers. fear of 51 . for which words are useless? And once we have worked this out. What is it in our lives which cannot be described. what can be other than one? Can we grow and develop in oneness. so we invent stories to make it exciting. Is there anything real about us?) 40 Tendency to hold. so we add seasoning. to make it appear different from what it actually is. the room is too dull.Stuart Rose established oneness. or does something else need to occur? What is one?) 39 Superimposition Instead of perceiving as it is. to add some more spices. Why do we make things appear unreal. fixation ‘Fix in a second’. suffocating. just to put some suitable colour. and it feels nice and comfortable some times. to hold it in a loose way. ‘That’ is a word which identifies that which cannot be identified. What is real about us? After answering this. or which we can relate to in some way. what it is. or do we get too attached (superglued). then we can look to see how and why we have superimposed the color/spicy/tasty attributes. We can start with ourselves. we need to establish what is real in our lives and where we have superimposed something to camouflage it. (Do we know when to let go of things. about which other words can give this ‘that’ some characteristics or features which we might recognize or have an inkling of. in a smooth way. we can then approach the second part of the Pointer to discover what has not to be when there is ‘that’. so we add color. but at others it feels claustrophobic. After that inseparable. Can there be something other than ‘that’? If ‘that’ is oneness. for the time being! (To understand this Pointer we must know what is meant by ‘that’. making it impossible or very difficult to let go? Our lives fill with attachments. What makes us hang on to things and people and ideas? Is it fear: fear of being left alone.
everything used to store them will be scrupulously clean. so to speak. fear of oneself? The middle way is to use a weaker glue so making it easier to dispense with the unwanted fetters. we take great care to clean them thoroughly and cook them fully as the menu dictates. to keep. as if clearing a steamed up room. but it doesn’t mean it is not there at all. too. (What is it that we want most to preserve? Make a list in ascending order and see what’s top.Who Are You? Really! not having enough. that’s not possible. without the machinations of the normal mind there is peace. for example. We can imagine in advance of this exercise what is our most valuable. it might even not be someone closest to us. that we would most wish to preserve. or however this might be described. This doesn’t mean getting completely rid of the normal self. it’s more an understanding. to see what else is there. There is no danger in doing this. to preserve. and it won’t be in any way material. The ‘seeing’ is not visual. joyfulness. Then there is clarity. but once put to one side. on the contrary.) 42 Preservation At a deeper and deeper level. Most likely it will be the truth of our inner being. To change our attitude to holding essentially means letting go. Then we put them somewhere out of sight in an environment most conducive to their longevity. We have met with a similar conundrum above. but 52 . Then. it means not in one’s normal everyday consciousness. And many people chew imaginary chewing gum! To reach this state we have to clear all our normal ways of being. How much can be let go? Can everything go?) 41 To be with that which is not there This means to be with that absence of a particular or specific presence. and freedom. to eat like chewing gum! (How is it possible to be with something which isn’t there? When it is said that it isn’t there. how to go about preserving it? If we are preserving plums. to store inside.
creating an unbreakable network. or is it attached to something else? How many connections to this something else can be established?) 44 To start and not to finish But to start again and again. levels of value. we can never know the answer to whether something is complete or not. but it will also be apparent that there is a ‘glue’ holding them all together. and we can ask. levels of liking. we can be happy because otherwise we would be eternally unhappy. Or is everything simply one continuum?) 53 . and to be happy with a new start each time. with the truth of our inner being. almost unendingly. This highlights the idea that we are comprised of a multitude of levels each with a particular importance. it’s changing a brand of soap. which means that whether. We can easily accept the idea of never finishing. (Is this the story of our lives? Is this satisfactory? Why does it happen? Perhaps everything in our lives is incomplete. But does it end there? Is this network floating around on its own in space.) 43 Different levels Connections and inter-connections to these levels.Stuart Rose also somewhere that their ‘health’ can be monitored. we may have noticed that its contents could be classified into different levels – levels of importance. too. Whichever is the case. is life itself complete or is it always unfinished? Some people believe there are more lives to live after we die. so to speak. but this also begs the question whether there is ever a start to things. or moving to a new home. for example. value. or liking (or even disliking). when making our list. These levels might be looked upon as separate ‘bits’ which go to make up the whole individual. just like an unbreakable network. So. (In the previous Pointer. or to a new life.
to be dissatisfied. an expectation. What for? What do we really gain from this activity. but can we ever be satisfied if we are dissatisfied? The outcome of anything can never be assured which is why we hope and wish for the outcome we want. a wish It becomes a dream. or is there one? Yes. Does it give much happiness? (Similar to above Pointer but what is meant by ‘happy’? What is the difference between ‘happy’ and ‘satisfied’. We can be happily dissatisfied. by any way. a hope. What can we do about this fact of life? Absolutely nothing is the answer. if it exists in the future. which keeps life full of distractions from its real purpose.) 54 . We try to satisfy smaller dissatisfactions and these activities turn life into a seesaw. And we can have many attempts. mother of creativity – that’s why it’s better to remain. Yet being dissatisfied can be turned into the motivation to discover more about life. there is. (What’s really wrong with how we are? The ultimate dissatisfaction might be that we have to die. Is this true? Does happiness always have to be in the future? What about having it now because. and a wish that it may be. with grace and blessings. that life is finite (although many nearing the end are glad life’s nearly over). right here. and this wisdom automatically dispels dissatisfaction. much to finish and end.) 46 Happy Ending. to keep. even at living this life with happiness – there’s time enough to work towards a happiness. at any cost! Enjoyment of finishing gives the feeling of Happy Ending! Many starts. more about who we are. with effort and support. it must also exist right now. it can turn it into something completely fulfilling. it should be. from the truth of it all? Time-pass. swinging from one to the other and back again.Who Are You? Really! 45 Dissatisfaction To use as a motor to move. is the answer.
to find out. and ‘chaos’ is not giving any disturbance. and we might add talking. the force to finish. 55 . to work in such a way. engaged in such a way that. Preference to do the work after starting the other one. After some period. What is it that we cannot stop? First is. The list of things to do rarely ends because no sooner than certain things are complete new ones surface. to be busy. sleeping.) 48 From simple to complex. to complete. to complete? Let it remain open. to close. what will happen? Why is it necessary to close. to complete the other one. perhaps. to complete. from clean-clear to chaos! This is the progressive growth or development which gives challenges all the time to be inside. closed. to finish. or stopped. moving. Make a list of things which we do (not things which happen automatically such as growing and heart beating). To have or to take advantage of ‘kept it open’. to stop. and more too. to stop. crying. with keeping one work or commitment after starting in an unfinished state! It may be a thesis or any type of work!! (Life is always comprised of doing something and this doing can never be stopped. if that stops. drinking. to maintain a list of work to finish. seemingly out of nowhere. to stop. to complete. urinating. everything stops.Stuart Rose 47 Not to finish. finished. unfinished. to finish. to be with it. How much is ‘enough’ is difficult to judge. To keep. to close. The list can include: eating. to close. to close. but of that which will never be finished. the ‘complex’ does not remain as difficult. but there are other things we cannot stop doing. thinking. from one side to the other. to stop. and to manage it later on. to finish. laughing. To programme. defecating. Diverting the wish. because. the next one is completed. to keep it open After finishing. Not to have satisfaction from one’s own work is sufficient enough to stop. breathing. not complete things. instead of starting one.
and to be there. where it is not. where it is! Simplicity. but it can also be complex if we allow it – it is the mind. right now. Difficult is ‘opposite of this opposite’! So. development. for the beginner to start any new thing or activity. and how will we find out where that is? These two important questions can form the basis of changing the lifestyle. We have spent our lifetime consciously creating distractions and diversions and now. so we make it complex by turning it into an impossible ‘knot’ and we cannot find the ends of the string to unravel it. super-complexity and best chaos! Sign of perfect growth. The work is to clear away the diffusion. we need to find our original selves. It’s so easy to fall from the clean-clear original into the chaos of confusion. in fact we like to remain bound. What causes all this? The answer is simple. The way out of the muddle is not to re-trace our steps. yet we know it’s shining because of the light. after deciding to change.) 50 Each time difficult becomes easy. The mind is not complicated. but clouds obscure the sun. to where there is complexity and chaos (at any level) – there it is possible to be! It gives the feeling of comfort through its familiarity. seems a most difficult 56 . Can the mind be controlled or are we completely at the mercy of its games? Who’s in charge?) 49 Not to be there.Who Are You? Really! (Simple is too simple for our liking. just look inside – analogously it is daylight. so easy was difficult Each time. gives irritation and force to move opposite to it. not to re-live the past. because the original self is nowhere other than right here. (How is it possible to get back to where we started from. but we allow it to become so through our personalities or egos which delight in misunderstanding and enjoy creating disturbance. clean and clear where it is. Don’t take our word for this. during progressive growth or development.
waiting. the greatest persuasion. Once the new becomes familiar. as it doesn’t remain as challenging. That takes courage: ‘what if I stumble and fall. and things must be sold to survive. learning to know who we are. ‘to get a kick’. for more excitement and a new challenge. it seems an impossible task. It’s a self-perpetuating circle. its ‘challenging portion’ also becomes less and less.Stuart Rose task. learning to bake a cake. to drive a car. (It’s the same with learning to ride a bicycle. to read. the greatest force. who’s going to be there to pick me up?’ Well. This means that the first step is the hardest and subsequent steps become easier and easier. to be oneself. and the result. it looks like ‘to jump 57 . So the first step needs the greatest motivation. so it’s not even started. learning to drive a car. everything that is required will be found ready. etc. it needs constant stimulation of the new and then it happily follows the diversion. So the close becomes more and more! (This is how the mind works. who will be there? Who do we want to be there? Who is always there to help and guide us? That’s the first step. also becomes less and less. What changing the lifestyle entails is stepping off the roundabout of how we currently are while it’s still moving. better to start some new activity.) 52 Boring and monotonous should not be This is a parameter to start something new. What is it that will give us the necessary strength? Is there a helping hand? Look within. job. work. or work. game. difficulties become less and less. It’s how and why advertising works! Boring doesn’t sell.. Remember how it was when making the first attempt to ride a bicycle. to swim. the excitement. Now it becomes more and more easy. project. At the start of thinking about changing the lifestyle.) 51 Challenge and excitement Now. so better to avoid this and to continue with the old one. It can be done. neither giving excitement.
fearing boredom and monotony. but first. or in glamour Better to be in front of the camera (movie. to surprise others. and for many other reasons. and are easily regretted. we must be confident the change decided upon is the right one.) 54 Not to be second. (Life is normally boring and monotonous. as a fresh one. not on what it doesn’t know: it buys her a new perfume. but they are often the result of considerable reflection. It keeps us busy with trivia. But the mind is devious. and we have already made up our mind before their exposure to the world. to put pressure on others. and from those which were not. and we get sucked into the game. Spontaneous decisions can be unwise. We can learn from looking at how we made changes in the past that were successful. (Often it’s better not to talk to people about one’s thinking because some of the ideas might not be fully thought through. does not remain new. not to be behind. look at what it does to keep our attention focussed on what it knows.Who Are You? Really! out of the line of growth and development’. even what gives us the greatest pleasure becomes the same old routine. we can just walk out and be free. him a new toy for the office. Do we dare?) 53 It looks like ‘a last minute decision. but to have a skill to do 58 . action’ Pre-calculated but not to disclose so early. We’re caught. fearing being left out of the crowd but also fearing standing out from the crowd. on top. Who has caught us? We have caught ourselves and are our own jailors. but there aren’t any locks on the doors. to avoid interference of others. New is new at many levels. video. ‘knee-jerk’ reactions. that’s why ‘last minute decision’. Decisions that are made might appear spontaneous. or still). and the multitude of variations on this theme. not to remain behind. once it becomes familiar it becomes old. In deciding to change the lifestyle. deliberations need not be hurried.
They say. superior than others Utilizing skill and efficiency. but there is always the feeling left behind that things could and should have been better.) 56 Copy. We don’t get to be first without some effort. to get what others don’t have. without self drive. This is what has to be on the outside. and we play this ‘game’ all of the time. without rehearsal. However. some input – a movie star doesn’t suddenly become a success overnight without an acting skill. or to move. But on the inside we can decide to take control. which means that to be second can never be acceptable. to make the other automatically inferior. we must always be first. and it may have to be accepted sometimes because of outside influences. to succeed. Each of us is the star of our lives. imitation Photocopy is more original than the original. there are countless examples. no-one but ourselves can live it. ‘why aren’t you happy?’ Because the neighbor is happy! (There is no possibility of opting out of life. there is only ever one lifestyle. it must be lived. to live at a higher standard than the other. Whether we are happy or sad is not completely in our control because outside forces fluctuate and our emotions ‘bend’ accordingly. so that they feel themselves inferior. before they grab it.Stuart Rose something from behind! (Second is never good enough. and here we can find happiness without relation to anything or anyone else. to be better. We know this is so because it is experienced at moments of deep concentration when doing something or making something. It carries the 59 . so it is up to us whether our ‘movie’ is a smash hit or whether it’s a forgotten dream. to be in control.) 55 To remain in competition. either to give the feeling to others. We are always in competition because it is our instinct to survive.
and so what! The way out of this situation involves a change from being asleep to ourselves to being alert to what we are doing all of the time. less care and less awareness Duty-bound behaviour. otherwise our deeds. (The herding instinct is not just in nature. doing. Is this what we want? Is it any matter to anyone else how each of us lives the life? Of course it isn’t because everybody is fully occupied living their lives. for example. we have it. We can get all through life in this way – it’s a ‘breeze’ because we don’t have to actually do or think or decide anything of importance for ourselves. It does matter to us how we live our lives. too. looks like mechanical behaviour. words. as was said earlier. ‘responsibility oriented’. to have greater awareness of our thoughts. and so forth. It’s easy. but it is not. We want to take control. it is just done with less care and less awareness. actually are simply mechanical. then whatever we do is bound to be done half-heartedly thereby automatically reaping the reward of being insufficiently satisfying. and we don’t want to be a photocopy of everyone else. or performance. without getting the idea that it can be.) 58 To learn from a mistake and not to know about correction! Learning from a mistake is only possible when the correction is 60 . what they’re wearing.Who Are You? Really! mistake in a perfect way because it is a perfect photocopy. and it passes. but ‘photocopy’ hasn’t the sense to do any correction.) 57 Just to do. it may be a wrong action. Awareness has to be of all three together. what they’re seeing. (This is the easy way out of living life to the fullest as we have talked about above. If we are not fully conscious in what we do. in fact it’s normality that we follow what others are doing. And this is the ‘sloppy’ way many of us carry on through life. and deeds. living how we’re ‘sold’ to live.
Now we can analyse the three lists. does it mean that correction has been done? No! Then. both big ones and small ones. right place. Repetition of the same mistake shows that learning has not taken place. and it is this which can be evaluated in a different way. First. Are there any straight repeats of a mistake listed in the first column. different timescales. if we look deeply at all the links we will find a common denominator to every part.Stuart Rose done at the right time. write down in the first column as many mistakes that have been made in life that can be remembered. the common denominator needs to be found and. what to do for that was not asked by the person? (Let’s play a game! With a pen and paper. after evaluation. which means that the results of the work will affect all parts.) 59 To evaluate in a different way Necessary to do this because. second? There is no second. and from the third column assess whether the rectification was successful. in the second column. To notice the mistake. but what needs evaluating? What part of one’s life? With some parts we are content and other parts not so – is evaluation just for the not-so-good parts? The answer to this is that every part is in some way linked with the other parts and it’s impossible to clearly separate them. what was learned from the mistake. Then. and in the third column write down what had been done to rectify or otherwise correct the mistake. However. write down whether the mistake was acknowledged.) 61 . but are there any essentially the same? From the second column make a self-assessment of what was done with the acknowledgement of the mistake. they may have different scenarios. (Evaluation is necessary. ‘what to do’ and ‘what not to do’ when it is not clear that the doing will not be better than that of others. Now contemplate the findings.
have our wits constantly about us to secure that ‘edge’ which will give us the value on which we can capitalize. The simple answer. is that nothing can truly and accurately be shared. without exception. to maintain a chair or place. which we have alluded to above. Collection and preservation of this information requires some skill and efficiency. and only reveal what is necessary at the right time. it means to live one’s own life. One’s experience is all there is. for any specific purpose. to do any activity. and it is better to refrain.) 62 . This does not mean we have to play a mystery game with the other and have no meaningful communication. and to manage own movement as if not calculated! Looks like spontaneity! (This Pointer is all about whether to share or not. on which we can stay ahead.) 61 To improve the method of collecting and preserving information To keep a position. to remain out of calculation of others This is also important. about the right life skills? What are the life skills which are most important? What sort of information are we lacking and how do we go about obtaining it? We need to know these things not only to survive but to succeed. (Have we learned enough about life skills. How do we go about learning the particular information we can best utilize for our advancement? We have to be canny although not devious or underhanded.Who Are You? Really! 60 While doing own calculation. ‘we’ve either got it or we haven’t’ – we’ve all got some special skill. If we try to share our thoughts and feelings. This means that any attempt at sharing could put one at a severe disadvantage with the other. requires some necessary information. we will not be able to give a completely clear picture. and the person with whom the attempt is made will have different ways of interpreting what we say. unpredictable. There is the saying. to remain incalculable.
sale of information. and use of it for many different purposes in the best way. the alternative way. This means that dividing and uniting are not necessarily opposites. or unite and rule. or use both methods in a suitable way for specific purposes. to have or to achieve any type of result. any change only involves ourselves. both may be needed – something may need breaking apart and cementing back together in a new order.Stuart Rose 62 To use this information in the best way Exchange of information. In deciding to change the lifestyle it is obviously important to find out more about the life we want to lead. Uniting. is bringing together disparate strands which may help to give us greater impact or strength. Also. which in turn means that certain decisions must be made: what is the change we want to make at the moment. effect. what does it involve? Needless to say. to better suit what we want. Courage may be needed to complete this successfully. no other individual is immediately involved – others may or may not be affected later. to have greater impact and influence. it’s a little like teasing out various strands in order to be able to approach groups or individual strands more fully. or function. or any system.) 63 Divide and rule. Knowing more about ‘where’ we want to be is a significant help to getting there – a little like learning about the sky to become an astronomer.) 63 . Once the direction of change is established it will be possible to search out specific information to that field. one person. (Divide is not necessarily negative. two methods exist: divide and rule. (How we lead our lives is based on what we know. they are methods we can use to enable what needs to be done. or unite and rule To have control over movements.
It’s something which shouldn’t be taken lightly. Planning the change to one’s lifestyle is imperative. change to the lifestyle will be made from the wrong position and is bound to fail. with full patience and tolerance. just to catch and press the weak point. what was planned and programmed. to lie low until the time is right! They know when the iron is hot that it is the right time to strike. we are not talking about punishing oneself. although sometimes things just don’t go according to plan for all kinds of reasons – life’s like that. (This Pointer is all about premeditated punishment and its timing. However. spontaneously. (Changing one’s lifestyle can be a major step or a series of smaller ones depending on which route is chosen. In this instance.) 65 To teach a lesson. If it’s not perfect. what was decided. or without due consideration. to deal with the situation? If our life contains anger and hate. isn’t it? The play looks so fluid and natural when seen on the TV or at a theatre. This is why we are going into every aspect of what it may entail to help assure its success.Who Are You? Really! 64 To wait for a chance to make a big or small show! Just to ‘wait and watch’ carefully. Someone has done harm and we want to ‘hit’ that person back just when and where it hurts most. but every word and movement is choreographed down to the finest detail well in advance. to make it big or small and to achieve what was expected. and let it fester until the appropriate time to pour the poison on just the right spot. we won’t enjoy it so much. that is assuming the law will meet out its own punishment for unlawful actions? Is there another. to take revenge To remain holding it up to that time. perhaps even backfire. more positive way. our negativity. why should we wish to punish anyone ourselves. the question arises.) 64 . for a chance or event. an occasion. so we store up our vengeance.
if our cards are shown to the other players they will see what the plans are and act accordingly to make sure our plans don’t succeed. it may be beneficial for them to feel included in our thinking processes and not left out in the cold. sometimes it is beneficial to let others know one’s thoughts and plans. Both of these ways can be for all sorts of reasons but are primarily for one’s own success. The same with life.Stuart Rose 66 Hidden agenda An agenda to show and discuss openly is one. From the other’s point of view. But we have to weigh up whether to seek other’s help or not – we have already spoken about keeping our ideas close to our chest. (When playing the game of whist. because the game of life needs to be a friendly one where the objective is to be happy. which is following the open one. but at other times it is better to keep them to oneself. just to show and give importance according to their sayings or advice. after receiving it. but that theirs do. so to speak. there is no desire to hurt. Nevertheless. There is nothing sinister implied here. then the motivation is wrong and no real happiness will be produced by it. planned and expected. we decide against what advice was offered.) 65 . while the other is hidden.) 67 In search of Yes. If the method chosen to achieve this makes someone else unhappy. Sometimes we may not realize the views of others nor what effect certain actions under consideration may have. as self-harm could also occur by being too open. regardless of any attention given to it. (Sometimes we seek and abide by the advice of others and sometimes. in search of No To do or not to do according to the yes and no of others what was decided. seeking views of others can be worthwhile.
Some are downright evil in intention while some are just pure fun. Without this knowledge we are in danger of acting on false premises. we need to be aware of what is occurring at all times. The relationship. to do. to say opposite Not to do with the expectation of others. although some of the results of our games can be unexpected. If we tell them. all the time. treated as secret! (Again. secrecy is vital as premature exposure of our intentions may 66 . and some are deeply loving. to speak. or to say. and they can backfire! A game without a purpose cannot be so called and is more like an accident or faux pas. for example who will it be helpful to or who will it harm. Such games are rarely idle entertainment. Mostly they all are purposeful and premeditated.Who Are You? Really! 68 To do opposite. with fear. too. to ask the opposite. even one’s own inner thoughts. must be successful to provide the satisfaction. we might be in danger of receiving only what the other wishes us to know because they.) 70 To keep secret. The reason for the game can be examined in terms of the effect such actions may have. just to say. why all these methods are being used. (Similarly to the previous Pointer. to do the opposite with or without any purpose. Others should not know what for. which means that the action is likely to fail or at least not produce the desired results. To find out what we need does not mean that who has the information needs to know why we want it.) 69 To find out Out of the many methods to find examples to take an opposite stand. contentment and happiness that are required. to keep close All the things. (Relationships at any level are full of games and popular psychology has many books on the subject – the variety of games which can be played is enormous. have their own agenda.
it will only end up in some way negative. and so need not necessarily require defending. our strengths and weaknesses. this type of answer is given. If this is done then we will have all the strength required to live life to the fullest even though we also have weaknesses. or to be caught off-guard.) 71 To protect the weak and the weak point Protector is stronger. or for defence. then it’s the wrong way to create positive strength. not ours. Do we do this to ourselves when we’re stuck on a problem. Weakness. (For fun and play. it’s trying to maintain stability. (Everyone has vulnerable points but we keep them well hidden less someone uses them for their own benefit. face. Secrecy isn’t trying to be devious. Fear is involved because it will heighten our awareness of the need for secrecy. The answer to this Pointer is that we need to know ourselves completely. paradoxically.Stuart Rose adversely effect what we are trying to achieve. do we try to pull the wool over our own eyes. to be a constant reminder that ‘things’ can go horribly wrong without defence. and status. in our relationships we can talk but say nothing. If our intention is to be devious. Relationships are complex. so to speak. We may also know some weak points of others and may wish either not to use them for our benefit or wish to defend them against some more unscrupulous others. is it to hide our 67 . or to subtly attack. than to wait and be at the mercy of input by others.) 72 To answer in a way which is not an answer Sometimes to maintain prestige. respond but deflect or astound. an endearing charm. can be a strength. to avoid having to do the work to find the right answer? Either way in our play. What to protect? Why protect? But know very well the reason behind the protection. to thwart our plans. and it is better to be in control of our participation and actions. to be one step ahead.
Mixture to do. this tactic can be used from a position of strength. Confusion. to differences. (This is this and that is that and never the twain will meet. A search is required to find completion and this can never be resolved by going outward into worldly matters. to live a wholly worldly oriented life.) 74 Watching outside. towards being aware of our beingness itself. Why? Because this and that are always separate. Achievement and fulfilment are what is highly desired. one has to go inward. but not knowing why it’s being done. by individuality and separation. to look towards the centre of our being. but they cannot be attained through worldly things because worldly things can never be fully complete. once we start to know ourselves. is the result. and we will be able to recognize more easily how others use the same tactic. driven by the ego. This seems to be the easy choice which most of us make. to where there is wholeness. We can go one way. Words are not particularly helpful here which is why this way 68 . then both will mix. to separation. to ignore this. outside or inside? It’s a choice. but we will miss out on the other way as two ways cannot be followed at the same time. alert inside! Where to be. seeing outside. aware inside! Attention inside. not weakness. always in a state of flux. chaos. Preference is together. The alternative choice is to use the faculty or ability to turn inwards. it is a knowledge which has to be used for achievement and fulfilment. but is there something else? This and that relate to worldly things. but it is the least fulfilling. we have the choice of using our senses and intellect to stay active in the world. (Continuing this theme. observing outside.) 73 To achieve that. to neglect this ‘This’ and ‘that’ can’t go together.Who Are You? Really! ignorance or our weakness that we appear inscrutable? This question is similar to that which was raised in the previous Pointer about the importance of knowing oneself fully.
) 75 Without putting in. where the power is Does it mean it is a changing attitude? Is it inner knowledge that power can protect? Fear of insecurity! (Where is the power? Have we lost it? Have we ever had it? What is the power being referred to here? It’s obviously better to be where power is because we can feel safer. ‘Without putting in’ means that within is already completely full and perfect.) 69 . and is this what we want? And how can the change from one to the other be brought about? Trying to establish this may create insecurity because change is usually unwanted. through squeezing! From outside! To get it.Stuart Rose looks difficult. Knowledge needed is not of the world. relative power. through squeezing. but beware of traps it will set against this!) 76 To be on that side. it is unsettling. Which power do we have. inner power. to bring it out. in reality. ‘to bring it out. (About waking up. and many of us don’t make the effort. outer power. from outside’ means the mind is both our friend and enemy. Some wise folk have called this the sleep state – seemingly awake but. but it needs waking up. This Pointer talks of sides. sound asleep. Best to stay comfortable in the warmth by the TV. looks impenetrable. what is required is intuitive knowledge. and worldly. it is our only hope to reach inside of ourselves. whereas the deep sleep state is when we are fully awake (without the encumbrance of the ego or individuality). unbound power. or impersonal power. which side are we on? By sides. what is meant can refer to inside and outside. and power to personal power. Where we stand is outside because our normal state is ego oriented. may be any one. either direct or indirect. We all have it. in an acceptable way. ego driven. wisdom. method. technique.
This means being aware of what’s going on in our lives (in our minds) at all times. We can bow to greater power. Is this too laborious? Being more fully aware of what’s going on within can lead to a more fulfilled life. Using different words. It’s a nature which manifests in different ways. or it may be immanent and wholly 70 . better to watch the tail’s position and its movement. this power may be transcendental and out of reach. to recognize the movement. in front of different people. the intention. opposite one. to obey. the power that is found there is not threatening because it can be no-one else’s power than one’s own. looking within. or particular body movements and stances. or surrender. etc. These signs often occur autonomously so care has to be taken to see what is being felt inside and to ensure we don’t give too much away about what we are feeling to others. the preparation starts immediately for giving up. reason is not the same all of the time. But what or who is always the stronger one? Does the stronger one always have to be an opponent? Looking outside at the world. tail inbetween the legs.Who Are You? Really! 77 Indicator is the ‘tail of the dog’: tail moving. immediately As a result of this recognition. helpful or unhelpful. or adjustment. whether they are stronger or weaker. what does it indicate? To know. to listen. Is it not indicating ‘the tail between the legs’? (By knowing oneself more fully it is easier to make correct judgements about others. such as a gleam in the eyes. However. so it’s worth the effort and can become natural. most often the stronger one is an opponent because there is separation – the other’s power may threaten one’s own power. opponent. Will controlling ourselves curtail spontaneity? Awareness isn’t control!) 78 To recognize the stronger and more powerful other one. a danger or friendly. that is what we don’t want them to know. (We show tell-tale signs of how we feel which other people can interpret. to accept.
which we simply act out. Each of these Pointers can be seen as shallow and deep – the shallow may be clear to see. In both cases there is activity. even a blade of grass and a thought. 80 to 112. one can come to the conclusion that an individual’s power is puny in comparison. There are no individual commentaries to these final Pointers. where to play is possible As a result of this recognition. but the deep may need to be illuminated. Oh what fun!) The following final thirty-two Pointers. that there is a script which we don’t write ourselves. or tree. that is projecting outward. 80 Mixture of: i) Expectation. say. no more fighting for an individual place. ii) Player’s play. Is it the same power?) 79 Same way to recognize the less strong and less powerful. to the power which makes each body. it will be possible to see where change may have occurred or where it may need to be introduced or made.Stuart Rose within reach. Nos. to the power of nature. fish. from both of them A childish question coming from the child/adult is that. iii) Allowance to play from two sides. no more trying to buck life’s trend – we can realize we are part of a play. When power is thought about. are all about mixtures and relationships. and each needs to be looked at both from outside going inward and from inside going outward: by comparing one’s responses on these two directions. the ‘player within’ wakes up to play and enjoy. The mixtures each need to be looked at from two directions: first in terms of relationships with others. i) 71 . that is going inward. second in terms establishing who one is. If all power is not the individual’s what does this mean? It means that we can relax – no more struggling to survive. (The power which is less strong can be perceived as the individual’s power.
in which activity? Better to know! 84 Mixture of: i) Care. ii) Doing from others. 82 Mixture of: i) Doing at one place. ii) Doing something at another place. can give disappointment while playing at a superficial level. how much neglect will be 72 . iii) Doing for oneself. and iii) can be more. less. Both. so. but not at a deep level. to wait and watch is the option. it remains for someone who can understand and do. How much is enough? Better to know! For not to be selfish. Again.Who Are You? Really! Nobody plays with me. doing for oneself remains pending. and to be ready for a ‘third’ one to do! 83 Mixture of: i) Job. but it is also possible to do it without interest! How much interest should be enough. management or it can be a mismanagement! Simultaneously to do two different things at two places. ii) Personal activity or private. even with interest. do for others. ii) Negligence. all activities are not possible to do. or changing! Any type of activity requires interest. What has to be cared for that is neglected? If possible to neglect. iii) Home activity. Interest for i). doing from others is not the same color! So. that is done with more care. ii). Again. ii) Nobody allows me to play with them! Or either you play with me. or I will play with you. activity. so better to know which activity requires care and which is possible to neglect and ignore. 81 Mixture of: i) Doing for others. together.
to talk. ii) listener. 87 Mixture of: i) giver. When to be giver? When to be receiver? And when not to be any one of them. ii. criticism. or both of them. ‘on and off’ of any of the flow of movements is required for satisfaction. Now. iii) No. i) giver is giving. with any impulse. iii) ‘without’ and at the same time with. When and whom to say what should be clear. requires more. or can play the role of passive observer! To control. 86 Mixture of: i) more and more. There are two types of flow or movement. I will not do any of this i. Again. ii) receiver. 85 Mixture of: i) Habit to participate actively in group discussion. and both stop to give a chance to the 73 . for something else. ii) listening. etc. Both are speaking at the same time on the telephone. comments. not to behave.. are necessary to exchange or to bring out in open discussion.Stuart Rose enough? Better to know. but not somewhere else. This does not mean that no-one has to play. ii) receiver is receiving. suggestions. ii) To remain passive at the time and to be an active observer in a silent way. Attention. or equal. or to do at the same time i + ii. Better to learn to sit quietly and listen! Opinions. awareness. to react. less. and concentration for any activity or doing. try to avoid the clash between the two flows or movement as is i) speaking. 88 Mixture of: i) speaker. ii) less and less.
then keeping quiet. What is not. again both starting to speak at the same time. it becomes very important.Who Are You? Really! other. and not important. now more demand and less supply! Knowingly not to supply. Better to recognize who is telling. ii) don’t mind. ii) you have not asked me for that! Value becomes less when it is supplied or given without demand. we have no idea about simple important. that is ‘free’ from control. better to know. etc. so that it is possible to say: i) you have not given to me. 90 Mixture of: i) control. less important. ii) to obey and to do. ii) no control. iii) not important. isn’t it? 74 . and to be ready for any result or consequence. maybe it’s a joke. iii) without demandsupply. so the telephone company can earn! 89 Mixture of: i) demand. iii) just to listen and not obey. iv) no demand. What is serious and what is not serious. 93 Mixture of: i) to give importance. What has not to be controlled is under control. Habit to treat ‘VVIP’ and ‘VIP’. ii) supply. no supply. 92 Mixture of: i) to listen. not to do. is out of control! 91 Mixture of: i) important. is old. ii) less important. knowingly not to demand. and what has to be controlled. Better to know and differentiate. speaking to whom.
iii) abuse. middle has to be maintained. but for proper use! Better to know how to use properly. 96 Mixture of: i) use. ii) not to avoid. Two types of behavior. It can be misuse. When to be serious and when not to be. Effort is made to prevent. ii) outside behavior. abuse. To know and act accordingly. not to prevent. this does not mean becoming or having a materialist approach. avoided. ii) material. Extremes have to be reduced and made less. what is to be prevented. 97 Mixture of: i) to avoid. to prevent. ii) misuse. inside and outside: outside behavior should not be inside. avoid. better to know and act accordingly. iii) inside as outside. and outside as inside behavior. iii) in different proportions or equal proportions. not to abuse. Many times effort is made not to misuse. and inside behavior should not be outside. When to be what? Just to live spiritually. iv) proper use. 99 Mixture of: i) inside behavior. 98 Mixture of: i) spiritual. ii) middle. 95 Mixture of: i) extreme.Stuart Rose 94 Mixture of to take: i) everything seriously. ii) everything lightly. when and where is not required. is otherwise. 75 . or proper use. ‘To use’ is all the time.
Who Are You? Really!
100 Mixture of: i) private, personal, ii) public, iii) public item becomes private and private treated as public!
What is going to be public is not going to remain private. When to make personal public, better to know.
101 Mixture of: i) giving up, ii) holding.
Actually, the tendency to hold should not be developed. When to give up what should be clear, as should to be in readiness for it at the right time and place.
102 Mixture of: i) freedom to decide, ii) fear of decision. To be or not to be, to do or not to do.
Both are necessary and important, better to know the best use of the situation in a proper way.
103 Mixture of: i) to be responsible, ii) to give the responsibility and to allow others, iii) to give up the responsibility.
Either to be fully responsible or not at all means not ready to share the responsibility in a proper way, because of fear of losing!
104 To select, or to pick up, or to choose, or to pull out, the fitting to own material or things as a result. Disturbance either inside or outside.
During the time of discussion or talking with each other, the person plays the role of a listener and, at a certain point, interrupts the ongoing discussion or talk by becoming the speaker or communicator of own feelings. This happens because some points fitted perfectly to own lifestyle or habits!
105 To ‘take over’ from the half and to finish without starting!
Just wait and watch for the starting of any matter or activity and, once it is started, half way through to take possession and finish it, or complete it in own way. This means, one starts and the other finishes or completes.
106 To see ‘the post’ or ‘the chair’ and the person separately. As a result of this, able to give respect, honor, and acceptance to the person easily.
Some people are able to see this type of difference in one. This means that a person is not going to remain the same all the time, a person changes, and ‘the post’ or ‘the chair’ on which the person is sitting or is ‘having’ will remain all the time. In this way, the person gives respect, honour, and acceptance to own superior! And is able to maintain a good relation, a healthy relation, with boss or superior.
107 Not to see separately, but as one. The result of this is not being able to respect, honor, and accept.
Some people belong to this category, and, very often, mix up certain things or matters in the wrong way. As a result, they lose the chance to be a little wiser and to improve their own wrong behavior. So, naturally, they experience disturbance in and outside.
108 To give the gift, but for that someone else has to pay! Management play! To get the credit or point through making the other pay out of their own pocket!
To ask someone to buy something and then give that thing to a person to whom the name is suggested by the person who has
Who Are You? Really!
asked. That person has to purchase and pay for the thing, but the ‘giver of the gift’ is the person who asked for it to be bought.
109 Management of ‘expenses’! or expense management.
Today, in MBA or in similar careers, people manage the flow of income and expenses. Very few go further, the next step, that is the expense-flow to manage, in creating a ‘proper mixture’ of the expenses of others and of one’s own, of company or office, and of own or private.
110 Proper use of power, less to spend the money, more to use the material! Attitude to save more, but what? Don’t know.
Skill and efficiency in using power shows the expenditure of money is less, means saving is more, and utilization of material is more and more.
111 What is mine is mine, but what is yours is also mine, or we can share it!
Ready to share with others that which belongs to the other! Mine is not possible to share because it is given or provided by the other, so it is not possible to share!
112 To get it done, through giving any suitable reason or name, or cause.
Why is it done? Normally they ask, which is clever, but sometimes shrewd and cunning; gives the suitable and convincing answer through providing proper reason, or cause, etc.
a place for review and deep thought over what has been said in these Pointers to a brighter lifestyle.Stuart Rose This is now a stopping Place. and the first three chapters as a whole. Moving on to the next chapter needs to be undertaken only when it is the right time. 79 .
they are unavoidable. to the material side of life. For example. a mobile phone. would reflect huge changes. each period of these brings its own types of lifestyle. owned more than one television. What all this tells us is that. and the older (the so-called gray) generation. jetted around the world at will. First. this way of thinking about him. about her. we can look at the twentieth century as an example of period: in Britain. middle age. maturity. the beginning was strongly influenced by Victorian and Edwardian characteristics. primarily. with regard to changes in the physical age of the body. and any historical period. such as moral ‘stiffness’ and hard labor – they were difficult times compared to the end of the century. from ‘external’ time-bound factors.Who Are You? Really! Chapter Four Time to change? A person’s lifestyle is naturally related to age: both the period in which they were born. when mostly everyone took washing machines for granted. about this wallpaper). Something else can occur ‘internally’ regardless of what’s going on outside. what is it that triggers the thought that ‘I’m feeling this’ (‘this’ being any number of things: this friendship. and morality had become more ‘flexible’. We are 80 . These traditional lifestyle changes to a person’s age are both material and psychological. or by none at all. many changes take place. And again. these have been of similar characteristics throughout history: childhood. and the physical age of the body. It is obvious to say that lifestyles during this. Through both of these time-bound influences. Second. change can be precipitated by any one or all events. but not exclusively. The change of a person manifests inside – the way a person lives their life – in a unique and special way. youth.
They just don’t know what to do. We can see that this predicament depends on several factors. or be too fearful to proceed. which attracts us to look. which include: Own decisions and actions Fear of decisions Not our own decisions Decisions of others. don’t have these problems and difficulties to overcome. Nothing in life is ever certain! The why’s and wherefore’s of change A complete change is a big step. and yet others live like ostriches with their heads deeply buried in the sand of avoidance. what is best. again and again. but a modification may be big or small. a major upheaval. one purpose Decisions of others. What we can say is that change occurs in time. It might be thought that dissatisfaction is the prime mover. while some realize change is due. but more than this we cannot say. perhaps they are the lucky ones. to see. Many others live in ‘blissful’ ignorance of the necessity. may have no trust in themselves. and we all continue to change. mixed group. one group. some people may not have the confidence to enact it.Stuart Rose all different from each other. mixed purpose 81 . Some people. but the most satisfied person can change without losing the satisfaction. but have commonalities in that we live in the same way. but they are knowingly not ready for it and avoid it. Change does not seem to be particularly instigated or influenced by any thing or combination of things. which draw attention. This makes it possible to distinguish and differentiate each thought and idea through special features which catch the ‘eye’. Even after coming to know that change is needed and that its time has come. and that there is a timing for change. to observe.
if so. what will be left inside? What is inside will eventually come to the outside in one form or another – it will manifest. So. finally. that the other side of cleverness exists in us. wrong decisions. right. the side we choose not to show will be inside. engaging themselves in one activity after another so as to be able to complete an ideal change or modification to their lifestyle. They might think of themselves as clever to be able to do this. For a better life in the future – which is the sole objective of changing one’s lifestyle – what is there to do? One of the first questions which needs to be asked. Why not? When do we show which side of ourselves to the outside? Automatically. Is it more clever to be outside. It’s good to know. and. but they seem sincere and busy. How can I know all this? Very often people first turn to their doctor to advise them on changing their lifestyle. of this we can be sure.Who Are You? Really! Proper. Why is this? Maybe it’s because some rate highly the lifestyle of particular others. and when not. And we can laugh at it. have different proportions of decisions that need to be taken. or changes and modifications to an existing one. and we think they might have some useful knowledge to give. The formation of a new lifestyle. what 82 . who see a lot of life. Why do we feel the need to get help from the outside and not from within our very selves? Some people have not yet realized ‘when to do what’. Failure can be beneficial as it can make us realize what an idiot we might have been. alternatively. they might not even be aware of what they are doing! Sometimes we try to do too much at once and get both success and failure at the same time. and these require the person to have sufficient knowledge and information available. improper. such as doctors. is: How can I get to know about my own present lifestyle? And then: How can I bring about change – positive change – to it? I also need to know when to accept the help of others. (and which we have met in Chapter One). to realize.
We are convinced that changing is the right thing to do. from the inside. initiative. After listening to advice or drawing inspiration from all quarters about the change we want to make. but every time we do it. so to speak. A ‘mistake’ is not an error.Stuart Rose does come to the outside? The most likely answer to this is that it’s our stupidity. as the leading character in a play. Isn’t that so? And it gives us the opportunity to develop our cleverness inside. but the most important question has been answered: that is. our idiotic side. Perhaps who writes the script is less important at this juncture than coming to a realization that a script of our life exists. how then to bring about this change inside? We are not planning a cosmetic change – we are not planning just to rearrange the same furniture in the same room. Whose script is it? It’s a fact that each and every one of us. it forms the solid foundation. to do with growing. has a life script. and many other points and pictures are available. Our decisions play a vital role in the formation of the new or modified lifestyle. which will come to the outside. creation. without exception. If we can see life in this way. to do with becoming much more happy. to ‘fleshing out’ what needs to be done. We get another chance through making each mistake. production – or whether it is written prior to each scene’s performance by some higher source. the OK. but to create something much more valuable. all else can be built. 83 . On this. which will help and contribute to its formation. not just once. it’s the only way we can learn. a real-life story of ‘me’. why should I change my lifestyle? Once this question has been answered. We can discuss until the cows come home whether this script is written as the story unfolds and that the different scenes in the script are of our own making – our own invention. Many questions remain.
Continuing with the idea of a script. we will be able to walk ahead in a much stronger position (role). but less! We just have to clear away some of the more nicebut-useless parts of our lives in order to make this special time available. we can ask: who is the writer (producer. more self-confident and sure. but also to come to a deeper understanding of the past in terms of ‘how did I get to where I am’. the question of life scripts was raised. casting agency. other players. or does this playing reveal new insights both about oneself. set-builder. and on and on. out of the limelight so to speak. and this can be realized in different directions: for present activities. than before. we can easily accept the allied idea of being able to edit the script. designed to give us more time that. could throw a 84 . all this self-analysis will take time. and what is our relationship with ‘them’? Answering this question. more importantly. we find ourselves with not more. director. and we already have no time in this dizzying world where we have so much equipment. One problem! Again. This process can be seen as a purification. Fun can be had with the script by playing with the characters and scenes – not changing it out of all proportions – but by moving things around so that one can come to a much more realistic understanding of what actually happened: was it what one thought happened. and provide one with a clarity and objectivity with which these heartsearching questions can be approached. as we have described. technology. A few sentences earlier. as can be imagined. Without time for ourselves we cannot proceed. are all included in the word writer)? The question again is: do we each write our own scripts – develop all the plots and subplots – or does ‘someone’ else? If someone else writes our scripts. or events? With this ‘new’ or realized knowledge.Who Are You? Really! it will help us to be able also to stand at a little distance from the ‘star of the show’ and see her or him outside of the spotlight of the performance role. and so forth. sound engineer. who is it.
This means that the ego is on the defence. otherwise this or that bad thing will happen’. stretching of our capabilities.Stuart Rose mighty big spanner into the works of looking to change or modify the lifestyle. Yes. as it is such a large question. not to blame. not sure what to do. the I-ness or my-ness. Engaging with further discussion of it now is out of place at this point of our subject and. That’s life! Risks and challenges … and timing All change is unsettling. it is also a challenge. does not see or understand the benefits of making this or that change. anticipation. we will return to it. On the other side. ‘I have avoided the 85 . It can also involve greater humility. but first things first – life is a fluid progression of events (even though individual events may not be or feel so fluid in themselves) – and we need to accept that later we may well decide to change the direction of our lifestyle again. Not so. As we are seeing in many areas of our look at lifestyle. And a challenge such as this can involve excitement. then we can say. the show must go on. ‘don’t risk. plays a most significant role. although change is unsettling. Again. the ego. it involves risk in terms of fear of loss because some of what one already is must be discarded to make way for the new. not willing to let go easily. then I’m not responsible for it. Whether we decide that we are simply a player in a much greater story or the writer of one’s own story. its outcome could radically change the lifestyle. End of story. an opportunity for growth. not possible to change. here the ego comes into play because if the challenge is met and we are successful. don’t lose what you have’. ‘don’t do it. so to speak. The objective of most change is towards betterment. If it’s not me writing the script. ‘Play safe’ it usually cries out. and maybe this causes us to get stuck in the mud of indecision. towards greater happiness. On one side. perhaps greater riches of one sort or another.
fast everything. or was the timing just right? Looking at the timing of risk or challenges. a balanced speed with which everything can be handled with composure. half asleep to how one is. the challenge always within our capabilities. older cars. There is a ‘middle way’. which is boring. or the opposite. The middle way entails a thoughtful approach to change (like the one described above). a moderate way. And with regard to timing. 86 . as opposed to the slow lane. unadventurous. been too slow off the mark. for example.Who Are You? Really! risk and gained. has one ‘missed the boat’. too spontaneously. which is a considered way. out of date computers. and where the outcome is always (well. and will not be applauded. but no sleeping either. I am clever!’ There is a natural lead in from the question of accepting a risk or a challenge to the question of timing. stuck. will be discordant. only the degrees of speed have changed which is. these in turn depend on many factors. a gentle way. Younger people live at a much faster speed than do the older – in the fast lane with fast cars. Has our action been ‘played’ too soon. too early. mostly) assured. to be challenged. The actor or singer. Nevertheless. must always perform at exactly the right time otherwise the play or song won’t make sense. or has one not looked before leaping. this middle way need not be middle of the road. I have won the game. meaningless to the risks or challenges themselves. we may not have to risk and face all the fear and anxiety and we may not need to extend ourselves. staid clothes. The risk here is minimal and acceptable. where all is always in balance. fuddy-duddy! It’s always been this way. Yet this is not an ‘either or’ situation. there is also a middle way where a much more measured approach is taken towards any change which has been found is necessary to make – no rush. fast food. in order to make a worthwhile change to the lifestyle. in reality. is what was done too late.
but it isn’t like this all of the time: it can be exasper87 . without fire or torpor. there is always something missing. It is happiness. which we know will be enjoyed much more with the right equipment. where room is left for mistakes and correction. not making change a race. clothing.Stuart Rose one in which considered preparation is vital. The questions ‘where is it’ and ‘what is it’ are a little similar. but without losing sight of the actions which are desired to take. The middle way is equilibrium and equanimity. still a little risky. It may be there some of the time but not all. Now we must ask ourselves more questions to narrow down the area of our search in order to complete the list. The middle way is where all the anticipated obstacles and dangers. Where is the goal We have said what the goal is. Having children can be a wonderful and joyful experience. but the ‘gloss’ wears off in all relationships. Where the timing is set just right. the game one wants to play. and so forth. possible prizes and winning. or at least have some commonalities. have been thought through thus making the passage to change as safe as possible yet still challenging. Is it or could it be found in the relationship with a partner? No. boots. where one has measured out what can realistically be achieved and added a bit more to stretch the achievement. but also neither a saunter. and they end in compromise: happiness can be there some of the time but is always dependent on ‘outside’ factors. just as in what has to be completed before a long journey or a long walk. Is it or could it be found in the relationship with one’s children? No. although it may partially be there. That it has not yet been found means it cannot be found in the present lifestyle. it may have been or is there in the beginning. So where can it be found? We can take it that there isn’t enough of it. otherwise one wouldn’t be reading this. It’s never under our compete control.
flatness. on the contrary. once it is established what the new lifestyle will be. Control is an important factor in both of these examples. miserable. and then they leave home to find their own way in life. Some may never have ‘enjoyed’ a partnership with another person. there will be no real change. leaving an emptiness. that in asking it one can reach the very ultimate. wherein only we can have influence. as people each have their own ‘agenda’. The nub of the whole matter revolves around each of us and our search for a ‘secret garden’. This summation has to be faced if there is to be any chance of finding full happiness. as we described earlier. but nevertheless are likely to have had meaningful relationships where there has been a search for happiness. This ‘place’. and where external influences – even life’s worse ‘gifts’ – will not touch us.Who Are You? Really! ating. nor had children. therefore. all relationships can stay in place. The question to ask is a simple one. We are rarely in control. wherein only we can tread. and very much more. too. if it is so wished. Who am I? 88 . a drudge. but probably also some relief. in fact. What we are implying here is not that one needs to exclude all people in the change to a new lifestyle. otherwise changing the lifestyle will be just shifting the existing furniture around. The question is. but one that has hidden depths. It is so deep. Where in a life can one have total control? Cutting across many other examples of where in the life one has searched for – or built the framework for – happiness to occur. will only be found within. the answer must be where no other person is involved.
both in style and content. I’ve heard it all before. If we are perfectly happy with how things are. it is the wrong reason: return to carry through the work stipulated from the beginning again. believing strongly and fully that this (the physical and mental) is all there is. in the deliberation. The purpose in the remainder of this book is to establish that there is something more than the physical and mental to our 89 . but closing this book now with this thought would be out of ignorance. The only reason to read on is because. we’re going into some religious mumbo-jumbo. when we have come to know ourselves as fully as we think we can in the way outlined earlier. and we are content with this. If this chapter is started out of idle curiosity. What is meant by ‘more to life than just the physical and mental’? There might be heard a groan from some readers who have ‘jumped the gun’ and immediately imagined something along the lines of. ‘Oh no. we have come to the conclusion that there is more to life than just the physical and mental body that has been described. do so if it is wished. What is now to be talked about represents a marked change to how we have talked in the foregoing pages. or give up.Stuart Rose Chapter Five Transition … and the Prize The start to moving into Chapter Five needs to be undertaken when ready. pack up. we are looking towards the ‘best’ lifestyle direction that could possibly be taken. there is no need read any further. because from here onwards. The word ‘best’ is emotive. switch off. and go home!’ Well. close this book and turn to read something else. the reason for this will become apparent.
If in the end. yet many people settle for less and become moderately happy (with its concomitant moderate unhappiness). it is the most desirable state. Not so! The answer. it is of no concern to what we will say here whether a belief in. What we will say approaches undeniable truths without attacking or otherwise destroying any religious idea – it is not our intention to be in conflict. This is the sublime truth of life. What is more. ‘happiness’ may not be the most accurate word to use. 90 . if it is required. What better reason could there be to make change worthwhile? It’s very easy to say ‘greatest happiness’ and move on to the next words without working out what might be meant. it means that the life which has been lived so far has been based on false premises. the reason to change – the prize – is simply: greatest happiness. a change or modification to the lifestyle can be made in whichever way it is seen fit. or know in theory. and so it will be a natural transition to make a change. There is a disadvantage straight away because ‘greatest happiness’ cannot be described in words and. any religious idea is held. To live a false life thinking it to be a really real one is the height of blindness or ignorance! We have said that many people find it is comfortable to live this way: no need to change anything. it is found that the ideas which ‘rule one’s life’ prove to be unreal. also to establish that this something is not dependent on the existence of some particular religious idea or the other. The reason that they settle for less is because although they might intuitively know. However. ‘happiness’ is a word everyone knows something about. they don’t know how to find it. Greatest happiness is a rarefied experience. but it is our intention to bring to life these truths in order that. indeed. as one way is just the same as another. that the greatest happiness exists and can be found. everything’s just OK as it is. that everyone has experienced at least to some degree. so it suits our purposes to use it here. why bother to upset it all. the greatest ‘prize’ that life can bestow.Who Are You? Really! lives. or affiliation to.
Some may say that this is an overstatement. and all these must reduce and disappear. The greatest happiness cannot be found in a relationship with another person. and our own experiences bear testimony to the fact. Yes. life does have its pleasures. but in comparison. that it has its ups and downs and we have to enjoy the ups and bear the weight of the downs. All this rules out practically everything in our lives! What it doesn’t rule out is each one of us. In fact. sorrow. It is known that there are five human afflictions – ignorance. there is a price to be paid. Does this sound too good to be true? There has to be a catch somewhere. Not just once. a price to be paid. sorrow. liking and disliking. Iness. but the universal characteristic of these pleasures is that they start and finish: with each pleasure there always comes loss and end. Each and every time. is blindness and ignorance. Yes. and it is available to all without exception. to give room for happiness to flourish. and suffering. it cannot be found by any form of imbibing through any sense organ.Stuart Rose One way to approach trying to establish what cannot be established in words is to say what this happiness isn’t. what has happened is that it has become obscured by living the life described in the previous chapters. and fear of death and dying – out of which all our miseries come. growth. and suffering. it is not ‘pie in the sky’. and death are painful. that life isn’t all that bad. Sages have been telling us for centuries. it is nothing new. One thing can be definitely said: this happiness exists. attachment. which 91 . Joy is what knowledge of this happiness brings. be overcome. but for always. A taste of greatest happiness can already be savored simply by the thought of it! Greatest happiness is an end to misery. it is not a high price: it is giving up the acceptance we always make of misery. and then a new pleasure has to be sought. This. what is owned deteriorates and is lost. again. it is full of sorrow and suffering – birth. relationships always end – there is no end to the list. that human life is a misery.
It is our intention to portray this truth in such a clear and understandable way that deployment of it into our lives will be straightforward and natural. where is it and how do I reach it and enjoy it? The answer to this will be talked about in the following pages. but one thing has to be said here concerning the notion of selfishness. all else emerges. If ‘I’ have it. whom I want to share the experience with? And how can I be this happy while others aren’t? We have mentioned the fact that it is only me who can live my life.Who Are You? Really! means that the greatest happiness – the sublime truth – can only be found within the individual. which itself is beautifully simple yet. 92 . is not so easy to fully understand because of its simplicity. has not been described in a way that can be clearly understood. no-one else can get much more than an inkling of what my life is. More will be said about this happiness as we proceed – it is the sole objective. spread to others. This means that the idea of selfishness in this context is unfounded – if I can’t live my life to the full. nothing else will do. This might seem an obvious thing to say. And a ‘bonus’ is that this happiness will. From this one truth. in fact not just full but to the fullest of full – then a wonderful life is possible to be had. but sometimes the obvious passes us by. the sole prize. and neither me theirs. Sometimes this truth has mystified. remaining unnoticed. it’s automatic. Adoption of this truth into our lives will have no less than a transforming effect. what about those that are dear to me. The truth we will talk about is not a new truth. what’s the point of living it? This also means that greatest happiness implies living life to the full. it cannot be stopped. in any case. If the greatest happiness can only be experienced by me. as we have said. not an unknown truth. There is one truth which is all-encompassing. not a secret truth.
waves of wind flow. What we want to do is look directly at what is going on in the mind right now. Is the tree ever still? The gentlest breeze rustles its leaves. but the activities rise and fall just like waves – waves of water. The sea nearly always has waves. but there has to be a pause once more. and I-ness. waves of thoughts. It might be said that we have done all the ‘looking’ as far as it can be done. If we consider other examples. and in previous chapters we have identified the mind with its four basic parts: senses. The answer will usually be ‘lots of things’. This is essential preparation for what is to come. switch on the television. we will discover the same phenomenon. while stronger wind makes it bend. By now we have found our life to be much more multi-faceted (complex. Some trees are uprooted because of this force. In fact. but in fact isn’t. sometimes almost to breaking point before it might swing back. as will become clear. one might say. What are these lots of things? That’s the point. there are lots of goings on. go home. They’re all active. but on certain very still days the sea’s 93 . In all minds everywhere. It’s no wonder that few people make it to the prize. ‘I’m sick of this navel gazing and want to get to the nub of the matter as soon as it is possible’. even complicated and confused perhaps) than we ever thought – is there no end to the depths of me that can be found? To go some way to answering this question we must move in what may appear to be a sideways shift. stay there. intellect.Stuart Rose Chapter Six We are tantalizingly close. memory. The analogy of the tree is just one example. Just watching a tree will demonstrate what is meant. and this is what we’ll look at. To do what? To move onto the next life event without significant and lasting impact being made here? What a waste of time! Again. pack up. and it involves a further look into ‘Who I am’.
desires. but life (waves) continues. Even in the inanimate such as a car. the engine will accelerate. ‘Is there a difference’? Are all the waves simply different manifestations (forms and varieties) of the same energy? Another analogy may help to provide a way to find an answer. nevertheless and paradoxically. our minds? It’s the same. with waves to match in size from a gentle swell to a tsunami. a thought. so what creates wind? The 94 . Whether it’s a tree moving. Or is this the case? We can ask. and the rest. Waves of sensations such as heat and cold. but it’s plain to see that wind is an influence. they all have one thing in common: nothing is still for long in life. and so forth – all different forms of movement. What needs to occur. hunger. washing machine. but they are all powered by one energy: electricity (which also comes in waves). lights. Perhaps only in the dead of night in deep. in the world. refrigerator. toaster. that they are all manifestations of one energy of which there are variable ebbs and flows. all at different speeds. anger. liking and disliking. seemingly being born and dying but. Not a ripple disturbs it (just like at the still of night when there is no breeze and the tree is silent). The sea is always moving with currents. Emotions such as love. hearing. cross-currents. And what occurs in the subtle world. Incessantly. eddies and so forth. but the heart continues beating. our most still. never ending? Am ‘I’ like this? Let’s look a little closer.Who Are You? Really! surface is like a mirror. pain. or idle. seeing. Movement. decelerate. we breathe – there may be no thoughts. Everything comes in waves in our lives. In the kitchen there are many appliances – food mixer. radio. ‘What is the difference in the varieties of movement’? In response another question surfaces. to create a wave in the sea? We’re no oceanographers. dreamless sleep are we at our quietest. Waves of motion and commotion occur ceaselessly throughout the gross world. a car. what’s involved. Does this mean that there is an interconnectivity between all waves no matter what type. or a finger.
Golly. plays a big part in wave ‘production’. Hold a finger over a lighted candle and the thought will very soon arise to withdraw the hand fast! There are countless examples. And because in space is the entire universe. but this is unlikely to tell anything new about energy itself. to ‘play’ with.Stuart Rose answer is mostly heating and cooling by the sun. energy cannot be explained further. what about waves of thoughts? Our experience tells us clearly that there is an intimate connection between thoughts and physical activity. originally. although individually they do begin and end (just as the waves in the sea rise and fall). too. by the meeting of a spermatozoa and egg in the mother’s womb. and further back through the generations to where we come to understand clearly that these waves have no beginning or end. which is a complex machine. Second. too. and no physical evidence to show otherwise. Energy cannot exist nowhere (such a ‘place’ cannot exist) as it needs particles to manifest itself. made. that the same phenomenon pervades the entire Universe. The answer to the question seems to be no. muscles are a part of the body. do we have to go that far back? The answer is yes. But how can this relate to the waves of energy which seem to drive this body – its muscles and thoughts? First. Gravitational pull by the moon. All this means that the sea’s waves are created by an energy which is not bound to Planet Earth. at least not 95 . that it is throughout space. so space enables energy to be throughout the universe. and there’s no reason not to suppose. Can energy be explained further? We can look into the ins and outs of various energies ad infinitum. Can there be two distinct waves of energy involved or just one? Is the mind distinct from the physical? The answer seems to be both yes and no: yes because there is a tangible difference between the mind and the physical. which means that we can presume energy exists always in space. and no because one doesn’t operate successfully (or at all) without the other.
Now we have seen more about the nature of energy. Ancient wisdom tells us that it is possible (for example. it is the objective of Yoga). and introduced a possible link with consciousness. We know through our experience that both energy and consciousness exist. The source or origin or driving force of energy may well be found in our normal everyday experience because there seems to be a strong link between energy and what we call consciousness. we are looking for an answer to the question: Who am I? Is there an answer to this question? To proceed. that which enlivens our thoughts. 96 . which of course is saying that gross forms of energy. We have identified the mind is comprised of four ‘parts’. the senses. Whether measurable brain activity. not becoming attached to them. we can consider this more. intellect. Rather. No response was given at that time. are thoughts or not cannot be definitely assumed. thereby preventing their normal multiplication. one of many dual events or two aspects of a single event? A question was asked earlier in this chapter whether anything was still for long in life. We can ask: are they two or one. and that the Universe will always involve movement of one sort or another. if achieved. where they exist. but such evidence as there is about normal brain activity tells us that thoughts are unlikely to be completely stopped for any long periods of time. but this state. we must put aside thoughts of physical movement for the time being because it’s plain to see that the world is unlikely ever to stop rotating (or tilting) as it does in three directions all the time. Is this the same with subtle forms? The answer to this is to question whether it is possible to stop the waves of thoughts which constantly flow in and through the mind. To answer this. we need to look at what is being asked clearly. and it is certain that ‘I’ cannot be the first three. In the move to a new lifestyle. and memory. such as for someone in a coma. sages tell us of not noticing thoughts.Who Are You? Really! in communicable words. we know much more about energy than consciousness (at least we think we do!). will never cease. may only be temporary.
two options: first something can be done about it. I am the boss. yet seemingly important. it’s just energy. and the ego assumes ownership of it just the same as an invading force takes control of a country: finders keepers. To do nothing is to start to accept that the ‘I’ is no longer what one thought it was. it feels so real. but it’s pure fiction – captivatingly so. if successful. Am I really? And what has this to do with the energy we have been talking about. I-ness. Is the solution to do nothing? Getting closer. It is the ‘I’ which must ask the question and seek liberation from the ego. It is energy which provides the impetus for all our activities. which isn’t me 97 . that the ‘I’ would have to let go of the ‘I’. It is the fourth part. in reality. or second we can accept the illusion. left where we started out. What are the alternatives? There has to be a way forward in which the life is not dominated by this pervasive ‘I’. the ego. Yet we are left with the ‘I’ intact. Now. something special. And if this is the case. if anywhere. there must be something else that is me. it provides the ‘wave-power’ for such thoughts. Oddly this decision is not an easy one to make. not my energy.Stuart Rose These are simply tools. for the thought that this inconsequential. It is not this apparently powerful personality. it’s not a personal energy. So again we must ask the question: What. it must be the imperial ‘I’ that is doing the asking. I am the doer. an inconsequential. We get carried away by the story. The ‘I’ must let go. where and who is this I? Is there an answer? Already this is the wrong approach. Energy is just energy. where the solution must lie. ever-so busy. yet ever-so self-important. I did all this. the lack of substance. But of what? Of itself? This would mean. What we have established so far is that. full of I-ness! What to do? This ‘I’ is a flibbertigibbet. ‘I’ is actually doing something. as real and stay in ignorance. this ‘I’ cannot be and do what it thinks it does. illusion – it actually has no reality – and we are deluded by it into thinking I am something substantial. because if an answer is sought. our doership.
so to speak! Because ‘I’ (for want of another word) am not nothing: this entity of body and mind exists. for the moment. At least I think this is the case. 98 . We have seen as much of what we thought was me as we can. We are looking for the prize.Who Are You? Really! (isn’t this personality). the world and Universe exist.
In this chapter we describe this truth. The Universe itself is in One. Can we live our lives not knowing the truth of who we really are? Most people do. There is nothing but One. A simple little word. and what has the prize we have spoken about to do with it? We must unravel this puzzle.Chapter Seven Truth Finding the truth about ourselves must be the most important activity in our lives: without truth there is only untruth. living an unstable lifestyle. All is part of One. What is so special about One? The answer is that everything in the Universe is in One. I have only one body and only one mind. When I empty away my thoughts as much as I can and 99 . an ending of the anxiety of not knowing and. but it is one with a depth which is not completely fathomable. a revelation about ‘who I am’. living with incomplete knowledge about themselves. it can be a great release from the bondage of ignorance. I think of just one person. but One has no parts. Truth is sometimes hard to swallow. and this is because they find the truth unpalatable and prefer to remain in ignorance. I am not more than one. One ONE. but what we will talk about is no bitter pill. what is this One. although the way my thoughts are may make it sometimes seem as if it is more than one! Each person is exactly the same. So. On the contrary. and the reason why will become apparent as we proceed. not fully happy. in this case. This One is not God. it is beyond any such notions. We have said that it is a simple truth. When I think about myself.
We can look a little more deeply at this apparent conundrum regarding One. this can also be voiced the other way around to again make it as clear as possible. that these two findings (we can also call them ‘being’ and ‘awareness’). Now. it is nonsensical to say that existence doesn’t exist. Now. no direct thoughts can be had about it. What are the ramifications of this two-in-one situation? 100 . or energy. it is not of any particular shape. One simply is. every person is exactly the same. Everywhere has existence. using different words to say the same thing to make this as clear as possible. When I think further about these two characteristics. and the second is that I am aware that I exist. the experience is: ‘I am’. In the first place.Who Are You? Really! become very quiet. This conclusion can be voiced sensibly as: ‘I cannot exist unless I know that I do’. its non-existence has to exist in the first place! Existence is a single quality as it is plain to see and experience: we all have it otherwise we wouldn’t exist! To put this in another way and to go one step further. and there are no words that we can use to describe it (which means that its indescribability can only be talked about indirectly): it is ineffable. Again. we can say that all things have differences (for example. but are necessarily two characteristics of the same thing: One. We have also said that existence and consciousness. or colour). or that there are some places or things which do not exist. the essential me: the first is that I exist. cannot ever be two separate characteristics. shape. I am left with the experience of two characteristics that comprise the ‘root’ of me. as: ‘I cannot know anything which doesn’t have existence’. are One together. and ‘I am conscious of the fact that I am’. the same energy. which has to mean that all things which exist have the same consciousness. in size. We found this in the previous chapter. therefore. This One has no name. Even for something not to exist. yet they also have one thing in common: the fact that they all exist. I find that I am left with the conclusion that these two are not separate. It is apparent. Everything has existence.
as me. actual or potential. the planets and stars. Mount Everest. there cannot be existence without existence. this must also mean that all insentient things have the same existence and consciousness/energy as well. To know existence and consciousness. and whatever else might be beyond the far reaches of space. physical. And we’re not just talking of the material. to 101 . This includes the kitchen table. this means my thoughts (and dreams. they have to be experienced. which is either enlivened or latent – in other words. without a break. or that only humans have consciousness. Can one describe the taste of a mango in words? No. as completely and in the same way as we know the taste of the mango. have the same characteristic. it means that all sentient beings (animals. at base. and existence always exists with consciousness/energy. but there is a final third characteristic which we mentioned earlier as the prize which can be brought into the lifestyle. manifest or unmanifest – because. Existence and consciousness are just words. and all variations. too) must have existence and consciousness/energy like everything else. It is our normality. and words cannot convey the true experience of what something is actually like. and visible things either. consciousness is of different variations on the one theme. fish. and so we should be able to get to understand it completely. so to speak. So far. but this is not the case. Taking a third step. some sort of science fiction? How can the kitchen table have consciousness like me? The answer is that we may have imagined all consciousness is the same as human consciousness. we have talked about two characteristics of the One. as we have said. microbes) have the same existence and consciousness/energy as people. Principally. Is this far-fetched.Stuart Rose Taking our analysis another step further. and this experience ‘happens’ to us all of the time. All through Nature.
ever. Bliss is the ‘prize’ of life. a totally new lifestyle! This new lifestyle is not unachievable.Who Are You? Really! make it complete. this happiness is frequently referred to as bliss. This third ‘part’ is total and absolute – greatest – happiness. wives. there is the experience of complete and ‘oceanic’ happiness. In fact. when we concentrate. possessions. Realizing One Whether we know it or not. we can experience nothing other than the taste of the mango. it is the utmost happiness that life can bring. people have different ideas of what One is. on the other. and all people spend all of their lives in their attempt. only the experience of existence and consciousness remains. Bliss is the experience of unalloyed existence and consciousness/energy. with the other person in a relationship). and this is in just the same way that. for example. already there for the taking. Of course. There is nothing better. the current lifestyle. It exists fully all of the time but can get completely ‘obscured’ by all of life’s zillions of distractions. Yet to ‘experience’ it does not mean that all of the rest of our lives need be forsaken – husbands. How does this come about? By putting worldly thoughts in abeyance. children. and therefore no sorrow or misery. the path is one of total renunciation of the 102 . no afflictions. because there is no object in the happiness (which is usually the case as. and all the rest that is decided to keep can stay. it is everybody’s ambition and dream to realize One. which is a wholly subjective ‘experience’. On the one extreme. And because there is no disturbance (no thoughts). and so follow different ‘paths’. What needs to occur is a totally new way of approaching how we live our lives. the path is ‘soaked’ in earthly pleasures. not beyond what we can do – it is already in our grasp. by putting all daily events and other distractions to one side. as we described in an earlier chapter. yet all such paths tread in a single direction. if we have a little courage and self-determination.
but there are notable exceptions of people ‘rescued’ from their happy obscurity. and in all people. vanishing in the obscurity of ‘enjoying’ their greatest happiness. and the word ‘realization’ is used here to incorporate all ideas (religious or otherwise) regarding the highest state to be gained in life. or are satisfied with something they know to be second best. unless it is desired to be so. but the single direction all follow (mostly somewhere in the middle between the two extremes) is towards that of greatest happiness. These people stand as icons to the truth of greatest happiness. Something else is entailed. but it is not this at all. but we become so ‘lost’. or so stuck in our present lifestyle. Renunciation is a very ‘loaded’ word echoing of ‘sackcloth and ashes’ and a hard life. but we can see that on the path soaked wholly in earthly pleasures (together with their inescapable miseries) achievement of greatest happiness is impossible to get. so distracted by life’s bright lights. One (existence. There are as many paths and means to this prize as there are people. and many are satisfied with this as they either mistake the mundane for greatest happiness. in all places. consciousness. Many – and probably most – people who reach fulfilment following a path of total renunciation remain unknown. standing apart from our society will not guarantee that our ambition is realized and the prize won. It is not possible to estimate how many people reach fulfilment of their ambition. that we cannot see the wood for the trees. The ‘reward’ for these people is mundane happiness. This is simply because we can ask how it is possible to realize something – and by realize we also mean obtain something that one does not yet have – when we already have it.Stuart Rose earthly pleasures. Logic has it that there is no such thing as realization. History is sprinkled with them. and don’t realize greatest 103 . so to speak. Nothing has to be given up to experience greatest happiness. and bliss) is present at all times.
not Two One is One. We usually do find our way home because the desire to reach the safety and comfort of it is very strong. One is absolute. Relative is how we know the world to be: each individual aspect is relative to another. our sights need to be set on it wholeheartedly. It is a matter of getting to the ‘starting blocks’ as if in a race. As we have said. they could not be absolutely One. Something similar is required in working our way towards One. for example. When our sights are so set. We have said that each means to clear away the ‘rubble’ obscuring One is different. Absolute is as the word describes. as we will see below and in the following chapter. there is nothing other than One. there are countless variations. which can only be One. less than One is relative. not two or many. the way to One is the quietening of the mind. if anything. However. And yet this dissolution has been demonstrated to come about without effort! What we can say is that to achieve greatest happiness. One. It is not our intention here to create some sort of self-help manual which can be followed. and this wholeheartedness has to be fully comprehensive. This might sound enigmatic. is less than One. There cannot be any other than One because. every lifestyle without exception is relative to another – in One there is 104 . Each person must find their own way. It is not our intention here to give the impression that greatest happiness is easy to experience. but in fact there is likely to be no race to run. then is the time we will know what there is to be done. every individual person is relative to another person. just as if one is lost and needs to find the way home. and this has been described as the most difficult of all human tasks.Who Are You? Really! happiness is so readily available. there would be room for a ‘better’ than two. if. in the relative. Anything other than One. but neither do we want to imply that it is too difficult. which entails bringing an end to the power and influence of I-ness. there were two.
’ No! Only the body is born and only the body will die. that One is better than two: it is completely certain. One never changes. and without the I-thought. Desire for One is the only desire which will lead to greatest happiness. incomplete happiness. two is not certain. and death. and we have already looked at the fact that ‘I’ am not this body of blood and sinews which goes rotten soon enough and is the home of maggots. nothing dies. for example. and I will die. two come and go. Desire All desires bar one lead to bondage and misery. This means. Iness. then I am not free. aversion. but there cannot be two if there is One. always existing. If there are two. From these. nor 105 .Stuart Rose no individuality. It is the ‘I’ which has this thought. In One. this can mean. that if I am dependent on someone or something else. In life. it means that each part of the two is dependent on the other. unchanging. but bound and restricted to that other and also subject to the five afflictions we have mentioned of ignorance. and are what our lives and lifestyles primarily comprise in various forms. It is only in two where change happens. emanate ceaselessly. and fear of death and dying. and nothing is born. all suffering. there can be no such thing as bondage – nor freedom. Although it might sound it. In One. ‘But I was born. attachment. holding to more than One will bring only relative happiness. cannot waver. dying. two always change. One always is. One always is. One exists outside of time where there is no pain of birth. not always existing. Greatest happiness cannot change. it is not confusing to say that there can be One if there are two. no place for ‘I’. where is the pain of it all? Who is this ‘I’? It is clear to see that ‘holding’ to One will bring greatest happiness. evaluatively. all miseries.
Yet. Emotively. which pins us with a very pervasive and sticky ‘glue’ to the world. but it can become obscured by two. Some people might object and say something along the lines of. One entertains no concepts. ‘why’. no activity. no ‘colour’. is aware that it exists. First. ‘It sounds to me that this ‘One’ is not very appealing at all: it’s dull. A description of the experience of One has been given as that 106 . One always exists. the characteristics of existence. This can be said as. One is ‘here’.Who Are You? Really! afflictions – as One contains nothing but itself. It says all that there is to say. consciousness. which fluctuates between its many varieties. Over and over. no passion. fuelled by desire. Such sentiment prevents change and growth. ‘I want’. we can say that desire is the ‘death’ of One. and bliss. ‘I want’. nothing is left out. One is always everywhere. but it is precisely this type of sentiment which is binding. that it is ‘now’. Desire is the driving force of individuality. and the lifestyle stagnates. One Is This is the only complete and comprehensive statement which can be made about One. second. However. to relativity and misery. We might try to add two more words. when ‘I’ get what I want and am satisfied. and it is bliss. so those of time and place are inappropriate. in fact it has nothing worth having. And then the ‘talking’ begins (usually with words like ‘but’. Two is better than One!’ This is maybe how a person can feel about One. ‘how’ and the rest) because our minds cannot usually contemplate such brevity! The first words which are used. no fun. has no excitement. it is not long before the satisfaction wears thin and the ‘I want’ starts its familiar song again. no variety. of ‘I want’. we have discussed: the characteristics of One are that it exists.
it contains all sounds and relative silences. so deep and intense that it might be called ‘solid’ silence and. First. there is the silence as in sound and silence.Stuart Rose it is similar to deep. therefore relative to the gap. We said earlier that it is not ‘normally’ possible to experience the whole of One. and brought about by replacing the normal time-bound. but there is another silence. dreamless sleep (which we ‘enjoy’ every night). but while we are awake. This silence is absolute silence. This is because only One can ‘experience’ One as One. busy. 107 . Another description of the experience of One is of silence. this silence being the gap between two sounds. It is One. seemingly a paradox. distracting waking experience.
Who Are You? Really! Chapter Eight Two In a previous section. the simplicity of One has been replaced by complex systems which are held together by ignorance or incomplete knowledge of the whole truth. but two is not One. there is no part of two where there is no thing: two is completely comprised of things (people. qualitatively. It is this statement which opens the floodgates. Does this ring any bells? Hence. If One is always everywhere. it is not! 108 . where we are. through ‘seeing’. ‘access’ to One is always through two. everything is changing impermanence. we have said that One is two. which lets the whole world in: One is two. then it must also permeate every aspect of two – the absolute must permeate the relative. cars) which are all relative to something. the experience of two (duality or incompleteness) is common to all. And whereas the characteristic of One is unchanging permanence. In two is everything. as we have seen. But. of One. These systems appear selfperpetuating. Nevertheless. We have also said that the complete. carrots. thoughts. the characteristic of two is that. Does this make any sense? In two. However. unalloyed ‘experience’ of One (non-duality) might be rare. not least that they all have dependence. One sounds a lot more worth having than two. yet the vast majority of us opt for two rather than One. an endlessness of confusion and untruths. it cannot change. The prize of greatest happiness is no less. but not vice versa. a tangled web from which escape seems impossible. the varieties of two become less obscuring. without exception. and it is in duality that ‘glimpses’ or longer ‘contact’ of One can occur when. but its greatness is diffused.
One is not just subject. me and mine. Sages appear unanimous that this way is the best and only way to live. Greatest happiness is unlimited. whereas two is dependent on the relationship of the subject and its object. in this scenario both subject and object disappear as the interaction is complete (the tomato is now known) and what is left is the third aspect. which means that one never finds its end (otherwise it would be limited happiness). Again we say. They also tell us that the approach to it is not to be rushed. to extricate ourselves from this tangled web of relative existence. This can be explained through a tripartite (threeness): I know (the subject) this tomato (the object). which means continual improvement. a continual increase of happiness. In multiplicity. It can now be seen just what we meant when we said earlier that the beautiful simplicity of One is apparently destroyed by the complexity of two. One is wholly subject and independent. without exception. can there be any question as to what is the ideal life? It’s just getting to that desired point which appears so difficult.Stuart Rose Another way of describing the difference between One and two is in the difference between subject and object. What a wonder! 109 . In simplicity. once I know the object (the known). and it also means that when we are completely happy we can know that there is even still more to come. there is peace and calm. I have a lollipop – the whole world is the duality between me (I-ness) and something other than me. To be completely correct. it is completely impervious to any influence or changeability such as the dichotomy between the subject and its object. I see you. there is chaos and storm. This is a further reason for the lifestyle to be changed or re-directed to One. as we have explained. it is beyond the duality of subject and object because. For example. I feel pain. progress is little by little. simply knowing or awareness – this is One. this (seeming) diabolical I-ness. on the contrary.
the pure ‘I’ (the ‘I’ without individuality). Quite soon in the adoption of a new lifestyle in the direction away from two and towards One. completely full. from the absolute position. By using this kind of language we are in ‘danger’ of ending up in poetry. from two-ness where it ties us in such a tangle. which is not our intention. Yes. but a knowledge based on experience. joyous. beautifully simple. and more happiness deep ‘inside’ – this is certain. we will begin to experience a newness. far outshining relative happiness. However. it is when viewed from the relative position. a brightness. it demonstrates the impossibility of words to describe One.Who Are You? Really! We have said that the I-ness ‘seems’ to be diabolical. which evaporates in its wake like the morning mist. leaving complete clarity. which seems totally impossible to untangle. This is not an idle hope. there is no life tangle – life is uncluttered. 110 .
Some depth as to what this is. After studying ourselves in the way proposed. after describing what we meant when we used the word ‘lifestyle’. A discussion about when to change and how. Happiness doesn’t change if it is permanent. A chapter entitled ‘transition’ formed the bridge between a miserable person and a potentially happier person. of course. we then looked at getting to fully know ourselves so that we might see whether some change was due or not. and these were designed to ‘stretch’ the thinking in the light of earlier conclusions. concluded thinking about each of us as we are. accepting life’s sufferings. we hadn’t thought of ourselves as miserable. or even revise them. by each of us. One has the characteristics of existence. this is a strong word to use to describe the human situation: perhaps moderately happy is how we felt. we have seen. in an attempt to reduce their importance and the feelings we have about them. In the second chapter. Mostly. there is change and the concomitant misery. no. and perhaps it will also contain an inkling of how much is needed. It was said that this acceptance is detrimental to one’s life because it holds us back from something much better in all respects: life’s supreme ‘prize’ of greatest happiness. and the risks and challenges involved. pushing them under the carpet. so to speak.Stuart Rose Chapter Nine Vision In the first chapter. there will be a conclusion of yes. we introduced the idea that change or modification is possible. attainable here and now. Permanence is a succinct way to describe One. Many ‘pointers’ to lifestyle development and growth were then given. Then the fact of One was introduced. 111 . but if impermanent. or maybe regarding change.
it did not mean that One was something new to be gained. There is also a plethora of guidance which can be used to help walk the path. such as non-existence and suffering. but many. We have implied that there are as many variations for working towards a happier life as there are people. We can choose to ‘go for it’ aiming directly at the prize. these are simply inadequate words used to say that One does not have the opposite characteristics. One is not pie in the sky. It doesn’t matter so much which is chosen. One is greatest happiness. or even no prize at all. Each of us has an insightful capability to find the way to the source of happiness – if we wish to use it and listen to what it says – and this is through intuition: the certain knowledge that something is right. and bliss. even though rationally whatever is being felt 112 . The choice is wholly that of each person: how much happiness there is in our lives is entirely up to us. It is whichever lifestyle we choose to live. because two is in One. it was stated that One could not be approached from anything but a dual position (two). It is our greatest happiness that is being worked towards. Or rather. It’s our path. no-one else’s. and this is the one each will tread. What is important is to know that ‘tried and tested’ guides and guidelines based on the knowledge of One exist and can be used to move forward. so to speak. it was also stated that although this was the case. The work to be done to get greater and greater experience of permanent happiness is wholly achieved by shifting the balance in our life from two to One.Who Are You? Really! awareness. To be realistic. there is just one path. The most important person in all of this is each one of us. that permanence has to be approached through impermanence. There isn’t one. from where we are. This isn’t a book which will now give a specific way that needs to be followed to reach the prize. or we can choose a much lesser prize. or choose to aim indirectly for a part of the prize. Nevertheless. and then discarded when their job is done.
what is needed is a new vision: a new understanding about the truth of life. to forego many of life’s pleasures. what it is and what it is not. we will never leave the mundane because the absolute – the permanence – is the ‘heart’ of the mundane! There is not necessarily any need to leave a partner. what it can and cannot provide. 113 . and to live away from the world. paradoxically. What has been shown is that this happiness will not be found in the mundane world but.Stuart Rose might sound crazy or off-track. what is being proposed is not a particular path to be followed. but that a change to one’s lifestyle in the direction which has been pointed to will bring increasing and unlimited happiness. So.
one might think that in finding greatest happiness. it would be available without any problems. or is this the wrong question? It stands to reason that if the ‘I’ still has its old sense of separateness. Then who is it that wakes up every morning. Certainly. It’s as simple as that. once seen. who’s in charge. Over the centuries. this duality is between the perfection and the I-ness. can be summed up by the question. and so forth? Is it me. As might be guessed. So how come we are saying that there appears to be ‘cracks’ in the perfection? The answer is because there still can remain – there is likely to remain – a duality. wise folk have told us that the ‘I’. greatest happiness is unblemished. gets washed. the me-ness. or is it perfect happiness. and this is the nub of the matter. Is this strange? Is it de-motivating? We need to look at this occurrence in greater depth to find out. it’s not difficult to experience the absolute joy that there is in this perfection because it is natural. then there will be a conflict: the conflict which. or it appears to. Yet there is no need or necessity for me to die a physical death to experience perfect happiness. just for this life. has to die to ‘experience’ perfect happiness in its plenitude. which 114 . at base. Perfect happiness exists always. If it were blemished in any respect it would not be perfect. the ‘I’ exists temporarily. total happiness.Who Are You? Really! Chapter 10 Health Warning In and through all the aforesaid. goes to work. It is clear to see and. or is it both? How can this situation find some balance. the me-ness. Oddly this may not be the case. And it is this temporality of the ‘I’ which is the problem.
and so forth. it is not a fighter. Lost in the dross of living. but only temporarily. because it is everywhere at all times and beyond space and time. even ‘stolen’. It has no concerns. Sure. It doesn’t have to get up in the morning. it can make us sad or depressed by causing unhappy events through generating anger. That’s our health warning! Whose ‘I’ is it? Is this ‘I’ that I have mine? How can it be so? It existed before thoughts started. in the womb. so to speak) that we can feel defeated by the weight of the box of tricks the ‘I’ has. as we have described. And be fooled. so to speak? If there is this type of conflict. So what can happen? It is that the ‘I’ does not give up so easily. this ‘I’ existed. One has to (appear to) give way. and be comfortable.Stuart Rose of the two calls the shots. not a competitor. greed. before that. causing untold stresses on the body. Where did it start? The answer is that it always exists. lust. or have the ‘greater’ or more vociferous voice superimposed on it. or chemical imbalances within the body – there is no end to this list! And it is because of these events (which can appear without apparent reason and ‘hit’ us below the belt. Illogical as it may seem. we can so easily give up perfect happiness and accept the ‘I’ as supreme. stand aside. then it can never be resolved because the two in their full form cannot coexist. before language – which is what all thoughts predominantly are – was learned. and be foolish. From the moment of birth. too. the universal ‘I’ to use for our own benefit. Perfect happiness simply ‘smiles’. it can make us inexplicably ill with all sorts of illogical ailments. frustrations. in the fetes. to create 115 . And not change the lifestyle. And carry on with the old way of thinking that it is me who gets up in the morning and lives each day. It has a box full of tricks: it can make us as happy as perfect happiness. and we have adopted. because the truth that we have described in earlier chapters is that the Truth is completely unassailable.
Yes. but all this happens in a different light. and how we can monitor progress. And with the input each of us makes. We die without experiencing real happiness. but a deep immeasurable one. No-one can do it for us. How can the universal ‘I’. as we have said. at the end. It is incontrovertible wisdom. And. be courageous. Not simply a passing happiness. good health and bad. changing the old way of thinking. What happens. We become more peaceful. and starting to live in reality. We need to know that all fear is based on the error of thinking that we are separate individuals. We hope it does. Each person has to find their own self. without the ‘I’. It’s an impossible state while we have this separateness. unending happiness. this doesn’t happen overnight. then we are lost. Earlier it was said that this book does not offer a particular path to follow.Who Are You? Really! an apparent uniqueness. we stick to the same lifestyle and. and that we can ‘lose’ our individuality. How to carry on Nobody’s perfect. the universal Self. of this there can be no question. Face the facts. happinesses and sadnesses. 116 . more at peace with ourselves. But what has been said may start us off in a whole new direction leading to perfect happiness. ‘I’ is survival (although not of what we call ‘me’). be lost? It isn’t possible. and with this clear knowledge and understanding automatically comes the loss of all fear. Fear is the prime cause because. die ‘happily’. not in fanciful dreams. this lie. so the deepness of this experience grows. then who am I? If this cannot be answered correctly. which is called ‘me’. And this me lives right through its life with this delusion. is that we just get happier. there still will be trials and tribulations. We carry on by changing the old lifestyle.
sr.co. if not redress.uk 117 . The address we know.Stuart Rose Contact the inner Self and attain guidance from it.kaivalya@yahoo. Address in heaven.
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