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PROJECT ON: “ANGER MANAGEMENT”
BACHELOR OF MANAGEMENT STUDIES SEMESTER V ACADEMIC YEAR (2010-2011)
Submitted In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements For the Award of Degree of Bachelor of Management Studies
CONTENTS PAGE SR. NO. PARTICULARS
Certificate Declaration Acknowledgement Executive Summary Introduction Anger: What Is It & Why? Hidden Anger How Angry Are You? Anger: Be Angry Not Mad! The Four Faces Of Anger Consequences Of Anger Understanding Anger Understanding Anger: Theories & Facts 1
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1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.
10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22.
Anger & Relationships Anger – Generating Fantasies The Faults Of Anger Anger Management Dealing With Anger Identifying Anger Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay Four Proven Techniques For Managing Anger Controlling Anger Anger Management Programs Anger Management In Sobriety Tame Temper Tantrums Is Hostility Harming Your Heart?
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CONTENTS: PAGE SR. NO.
23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30.
Some More Anger Management Tips Do You Need Counseling? Objective Of Anger Test Anger Test Importance Of Anger Management A Factual Story Conclusion Bibliography
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LIST OF CASE STUDIES: PAGE SR. NO.
A FACTUAL STORY
Anger is feeling mad in response to frustration or injury. You don't like what has happened and usually you'd like to get revenge. Anger is an emotional-physiologicalcognitive internal state; it is separate from the behavior it might prompt. In some instances, angry emotions are beneficial; if we are being taken advantage of, anger motivates us to take action (not necessarily aggressive) to correct the situation. Aggression is action, i.e. attacking someone or a group. It is intended to harm someone. It can be a verbal attack--insults, threats, sarcasm, or attributing nasty motives to them--or a physical punishment or restriction. What about thoughts and fantasies in which we humiliate or brutally assault our enemies? Is that aggression? What about violent dreams? Such thoughts and dreams suggest anger, of course, but are not aggression as I have defined it here. Anger can be distinguished from hostility which is a chronic state of anger. Anger is a temporary response, which we all have, to a particular frustrating situation; hostility is a permanent personality characteristic which certain people have.
It is through our anger and hatred that we transform people into enemies. We generally assume that anger arises when we encounter a disagreeable person, but actually it is the anger already within us that transforms the person we meet into our imagined foe. Someone controlled by their anger lives within a paranoid view of the world, surrounded by enemies of his or her own creation. The false belief that 3
Anger Management is very important in the field of business. it gives a negative impact about the company in customer’s mind.everyone hates him can become so overwhelming that he might even go insane. its different aspects. This project has an overview about what is anger. then he should consider an anger management course. 4 . what can it lead to. and if a person with short temper is looking for a career in marketing field. professionals need to have a control on their anger. So it is necessary that they manage and control their anger. Especially marketers. effects. Marketing employees are the face of business organization to the customers. the victim of his own delusion. about anger management and need. its reasons. facts. they need to have control on their anger. reasons and effects of anger and focus on the need of anger management with its practical use and case study. If they are not patient and lose their temper in front of customers for any reason. usefulness and importance of the same. The project aims at enlightening the reader with the various facets.
But. There are two problems: how to prevent or control your own anger and how to handle someone aggressing against you. 5 . several psychological studies cited in this suggest that ordinary people can rather easily become evil enough to discriminate against. hurt. divorce. stormy relationships. GI disturbances. "If you could secretly push a button and thereby eliminate any person with no repercussions to yourself. hypertension. it upsets at least two people--the aggressor and the aggressed against. Stalin. Great atrocities are attributed to crazed men--Hitler. terrorists. and frustration determines the essence of our personality. disappointments. 56% of women. First of all it is very common and. emotional disorders. S. This project attends more to self-control. poor physical health (headaches. crime. heart attacks). and so on. Just how widespread is hostility? Very! Psychology Today asked.INTRODUCTION How we deal with stress. would you press that button?" 69% of responding males said yes. poor working conditions. Anger may do more harm than any other emotion.Frustration tells us "I'm not getting what I want" and eventually anger is related to violence. In this project we consider frustration and aggression. president or some public figure. women would kill bosses. spouse and child abuse. exhusbands or ex-boyfriends and former partners of current lovers. etc. Men would most often kill the U. The overall effects of anger are enormous . secondly.
especially when they are jealous. Boys and men are much more likely to carry a weapon than a female. others' actions (parental restrictions or torturing a political prisoner). to justify oppressing others. So. when something interferes with our gaining a desired and expected goal. we may unconsciously use anger to blame others for our own shortcomings. angry. others' motives (deception for a self-serving purpose). It can be physical (a flat tire). of unreasonable expectations. what is frustration? It is the feeling we get when we don't get what we want. or of repeated hostile fantasies. Recent studies suggest that college (not high school) women are more likely than men to kick. bite. Any situation that frustrates us. but don't assume that only men act violently. to boost our own sagging egos. push. Besides getting our way. Hostile. violent homes. Even the most moral among us may look the other way. and slap in anger. or society's injustice (born into poverty and finding no way out). to conceal other feelings. but we have no trouble believing that others are immoral. We will study more about how anger develops. especially when we think someone else is to blame for our loss. Likewise. develop a tolerance or a rationalization for injustice. is a potential trigger for anger and aggression. Is it innate? Anger can be the result of hurt pride. and to handle other emotions (as when we become aggressive when we are afraid).and brutalize others. It isn't just the prejudiced and deranged that brutalize. 6 . our own limitations (paralysis after an accident). under the right conditions. We strongly resist thinking of ourselves as potentially mean. There is scary evidence that almost all of us might. aggressive young people tend to come from broken. our choices (an unprepared for and flunked exam).
It is intended to harm someone. It can be a verbal attack--insults. From time to time. and protect our health. You don't like what has happened and usually you'd like to get revenge. if we are being taken advantage of. Anger is a temporary response. Knowing how to recognize and express it appropriately can help us to reach our goals. or attributing nasty motives to them--or a physical punishment or restriction. it is separate from the behavior it might prompt. which we all have. Anger is an emotional-physiological-cognitive internal state. all of us experience this powerful feeling. What about thoughts and fantasies in which we humiliate or brutally assault our enemies? Is that aggression? What about violent dreams? Such thoughts and dreams suggest anger.e. handle emergencies. sarcasm. attacking someone or a group. solve problems. it depends on the way in which we choose to express it. i. anger motivates us to take action (not necessarily aggressive) to correct the situation. A failure to recognize and understand one's anger can lead to a variety of personal difficulties. of course. 7 . Anger can be distinguished from hostility which is a chronic state of anger.Anger is feeling mad in response to frustration or injury. to a particular frustrating situation. angry emotions are beneficial. Anger is probably the most poorly handled emotion in our society. Anger can be our friend or enemy. hostility is a permanent personality characteristic which certain people have. In some instances. Aggression is action. threats. but are not aggression as I have defined it here.
we need to understand from where it comes. Angry behaviors are learned over the life-span and therefore can be unlearned and replaced with healthier patterns of coping. 3. Anger is a reaction to an inner emotion and not a planned action. we are more prone to react in an angry fashion. If we are frustrated and feel stressed. Anger is easier to show: everyone gets angry. we are more likely to use the same approach. anger makes us feel. Anger can be an immediate reaction to an isolated event or it can be a response after numerous events. strong and in control. If we are tired. we are more likely to have an angry outburst as the pressure increase much like a pressure cooker. 4. The feelings underlying the anger reaction make us feel vulnerable and weak. Thus. If we tend to hold our feelings inside rather than talk them out. 2. we are more likely to react with anger.Anger: What Is It and Why? Anger is one of the most misunderstood and overused of human emotions. If we have seen our parents get angry first and resolve an issue after. 2. 8 . 5. 1. 3. types of anger are learned. To repress anger is unhealthy and yet to express it impulsively. 6. To alter our angry responses. may give momentary relief but inevitably will carry negative consequences. 1. There are a variety of factors that increase the probability of an anger reaction. 4. at least momentarily. as we so often do.
when you get angry. your heart rate and blood pressure go up. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive. human emotion. it inspires powerful. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. A certain amount of anger. it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. usually healthy. a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. On the other hand. adaptive response to threats. as do the levels of your energy hormones. we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us. Anger is a completely normal. and in the overall quality of your life. is necessary to our survival. Like other emotions. PhD. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. Anger is a natural. often aggressive. This project is meant to help you understand and control anger. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam. Expressing Anger The instinctive. social norms. and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked." according to Charles Spielberger. laws. 9 . it can lead to problems—problems at work. a canceled flight). and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. therefore. feelings and behaviors. What is Anger? The Nature of Anger Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. in your personal relationships. natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively.We all know what anger is.
and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are. Spielberger notes. taking steps to lower your heart rate. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension. Anger can be suppressed. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression. As Dr. but also controlling your internal responses. and let the feelings subside. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger. suppressing. without telling them why. Finally." 10 . and then converted or redirected. and focus on something positive. they aren't likely to have many successful relationships. or depression. and calming.People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. you can calm down inside. To do this. This happens when you hold in your anger. and how to get them met. People who are constantly putting others down. "when none of these three techniques work. The three main approaches are expressing. such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly. high blood pressure. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. without hurting others. it means being respectful of yourself and others. calm yourself down. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding. This means not just controlling your outward behavior. your anger can turn inward—on yourself. rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt. criticizing everything. Not surprisingly. stop thinking about it.
pretend to agree ("sure. e. Victims usually feel helpless. sad. it seldom works. Feeling victimized assumes that someone or some situation has mistreated you. For example. But a person who specializes in constantly feeling like a victim may not identify or accuse his/her abuser. be forgetful. be argumentative. And why not? Getting mad is scary. They think they were terribly mistreated in the past but they now seem unable to accept love and support.etc. There is another related form of concealed anger: feeling like a victim. he/she generally feels that the world is against him/her." unresponsive. act like he/she "doesn't understand. or lay a guilt trip on something than to get angry. be tearful. They play games: "Why does it always happen to me?" or "Yes. but" (no one's ideas or suggestions will do any good). The self-pitying. exaggerate others' faults. One common way of expressing suppressed anger has been given a special name: passive-aggressiveness. that others vaguely intend to make him/her miserable. 11 . A victim is much more likely to sulk. Instead. they never get enough or if you try to cheer them up.. jealous victim is surely sitting on a mass of hostility. if you offer them help. they take little responsibility for what has happened to them. pessimistic. whatever")." be late frequently. therefore. such a person may be "tired.g.HIDDEN ANGER Anger is frequently a concealed or disguised emotion. pout. look unhappy. and potentially dangerous.. deny anger ("nothing's wrong").
That is. is (1) the intensity of our anger and (2) the degree of control we have over our anger. But check your opinion against the opinion of you held by relatives and friends. Perhaps more important than the variety of things that anger us. Drinking decreases our judgment and increases our impulsiveness.How angry are you? There are so many frustrations in our daily lives. There also are several tests that measure anger. 12 . one could easily become chronically irritated. so watch out. You probably have a pretty accurate picture of your temper. how close are we to losing control? How much of a temper do you have? Ask yourself these kind of questions: • Do you have a quick or a hot temper? Do you suppress or hide your anger Do you get irritated when someone gets in your way? fails to give you (passive-aggressive or victim)? • credit for your work? criticizes your looks or opinions or work? gives themselves advantages over you? • Do you get angry at yourself when you make a foolish mistake? do poorly in front of others? put off important things? do something against your morals or better judgment? • Do you drink alcohol or use drugs? Do you get angry or mellow when you are high? Research clearly shows that alcohol and drugs are linked with aggression.
For the most part. we can take self-destructive expression of anger to an extreme. we learn to abandon this helpless and self-destructive manner of venting our anger. all of us have expressed anger in ways that have hurt us more than it hurt the person we were angry with. hurt and dissapointment are natural byproducts of being human and living in a human world. or stubbornly refused to go out to play even though we desperately wanted to. or purposefully broken our favorite toy. hurt and upset because.the times when we refuse to eat meals to punish others. Unfortunately. 13 . irritation. Some of us may have refused to eat a meal.Anger: Be angry. Age alone or our level of formal education does not automatically equip us with ways of handling anger. There are several instances of misdirected anger in our lives . This is not to say that we must learn not to experience anger. We thought we were punishing others by engaging in selfdepriving behaviour and in the process derived a sense of revenge. or maintain a haughty silence to get even or when the husband gets drunk at a party and acts obnoxiously to get back at his wife. not mad! Feeling anger and pain is part of being human. As children. as children. we do not necessarily know how to experience and express our anger. Often suicide fantasies or actual attempts are a misguided way of punishing the ones we are angry with. as we grow up. the helplessness we experienced with our strong feeling of anger came out in a self-punitive manner. Perhaps. but it's important to handle these emotions in a manner that is not self-destructive. How well we learn to handle these feelings in a manner that is least destructive to others and ourselves is related to our emotional and psychological maturity. Feeling of anger. Such behaviour served the purpose of letting the concerned adults in our lives know that we were angry. annoyance.
when it is dealt with in relationships through open and honest discussions. the fact remains that we alone pay the price of our behaviour in the long run. there is no understanding of each other and hence no chance of us learning to move beyond them. That is when we get stuck with a long list of how we were wronged by others which we keep going through our minds making us more miserable. Indirect and self-destructive expression of anger may have some effect on others in the short run (assuming that they are aware of the implications of our behaviour). One aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to rationally analyse situations that make us angry. Sadly. can serve to deepen the relationship. Our feelings of anger do not get shared with the ones we are angry with.our life. bring people together and above all. however. and taking the time to acknowledge our anger as well as deciding how we can explain that anger in a way that does not damage ourselves or others. Anger. we forget that we are dangerously playing with the most precious and fragile gift .We believe that by harming our lives we will finally make people realize how badly they have treated us. increase our level of self-awareness and inner security. As adults we are no longer helpless in dealing with our feelings. The effect of the emotional blackmail that we impose on others by our behaviours is short-lived 'coz others get tired of being manipulated repeatedly. 14 .
Invasion. your identity and bodily and/or psychological integrity are being threatened or attacked.reflexively and/or purposefully -. you are ready -. Most of us didn't have many "healthy anger" role models. The Four Angry "I"s 1. There is an energy and determination to do something about the above injustices. 4. discarded or ignored. there's a sense of insult and humiliation along with injury -. I got less than a handful of people. and even some of those seem to be wavering more than waving confidently. Injury. 3. from irritation and determination to outrage and fury. is often double-edged -. Injustice. But "anger. including the short-sited proverbial glass.to challenge the status quo. a cherished belief or instrumental goal is being threatened or abused. intensity and interactive potential is often forged by how one looks at the world through his or her "Four Angry 'I's. at times also physical. You feel disrespected. injuries and invasions. unfairness or disloyalty." 15 . Its breadth. you see yourself (also others with whom you are psychologically dependent or connected) as a victim of an injustice. Intention. 2. boundary and personal space are perceived to be constricted. autonomy.often psychological. Your freedom.neither half empty nor half full but half empty and half full. So anger is a potential range of feelings. A rule of conduct." like most things in real life.THE FOUR FACES of ANGER "How many people grew up in families where it truly felt safe and secure expressing your angry feelings as well as being the target of other people's angry feelings?" In a room of fifty to a hundred people. disrupted or violated. depth.
Anger can have unpleasant repercussions and destructive consequences for everyone concerned. so by adulthood reacting angrily can be a habit. damaged relationships. and self-esteem trigger a two-part limbic surge: First. madden. This explains why you are more likely to erupt in anger over something relatively innocuous if the incident is preceded by an earlier upsetting experience. Anger and all its cousins are permanent occupants of your emotional menage. even aggressive or violent acts. and enrage. "Letting it all out" isn't good for you either. sometimes days. incense..even more uncomfortable if you lash out and someone gets hurt or angry back.. Second. Anger can lead to full-blown conflict. tighten your muscles.the more people you interact with on a daily basis -.can cause headaches. According to Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.Emotionally-driven automatic responses are usually learned in childhood. the anger generated by the second incident builds on the anger left over from the first. hormones called catecholamines are released. and yell. Anger in hard driving . provoke.keeping it bottled up inside -. turn red in the face. 16 .the more incidents occur that can irritate.1995) threats to life. Most people don't enjoy feeling angry. an adrenocortical arousal is created that can put you on edge and keep you there for hours. security. generating a rush of energy that lasts for minutes.Consequences of Anger The more complicated your life gets -. infuriate. back pain. The payoffs are pretty obvious: momentary relief coupled with the appearance of being in control. annoy. Repressing anger -. Though the two events may be completely unrelated. Anger is normal but. Plus it's easy: Clench your fists. It's uncomfortable -. or other symptoms.Some personalities have been associated with coronary heart disease and sudden death. nausea. Bantam. It’s a hormone thing.
Abnormal systems have been found among repeat offenders and aggressive people. He killed 14 before being killed. So.. Aggression may also have a chemical. 17 . or genetic basis too. war. then climbed a tower on the University of Texas campus and fired his rifle at 38 people. and insured only the strongest individuals survived. aggression may sometimes have a physical basis. Research has shown that stimulation of certain parts of animals' brains leads to aggression. and suicide.Understanding Anger The nature of the organism? Freud came to believe in a death or aggressive instinct because he saw so much violence. The sociobiologists. noting the frequency we go to war. An autopsy revealed a large tumor in the limbic system of his brain (where the aggression "centers" are in animal brains). A large survey of adopted children has found that living with an adoptive parent who committed crimes is less risky than merely having the genes from a person who committed crimes. sadism. a need to dominate and control. Stimulation of other parts stops aggression. a tendency to lash out at anything that gets in our way. hormonal. We don't know how this works. both animal and human..". survived by having an aggressive instinct which protected their territory and young. In 1966. Konrad Lorenz (1966) believed that species. also suggest that we have inherited an aggressive nature. Charles Whitman killed his wife and mother because "I do not consider this world worth living in.
At one time it was thought that XYY and XXY males committed more violent crimes. According to some of these theories. or brain dysfunction--the aggression occurs without apparent provocation from the environment (although there is almost always a "target"). So we can't forget our inheritance. By chance only 29% of crimes would have occurred during those eight days. About 3 times in a 1000 a male inherits an extra X or Y chromosome. About 90% of women report being irritable before menstruation. instead of XY. more sex. but no one thinks there is something in alcohol or heat that generates meanness. Examples: high testosterone (male sex hormone) is associated with more unfaithfulness. Now it appears that this isn't true but these males are arrested earlier and more often. causes violent behavior. the need or urge to be aggressive is boiling within each of us and seeks opportunities to express itself. There is also clear evidence that alcohol consumption and hotter temperatures release aggression. hormones.Other physiological factors seem to be involved. and anti-social behavior. called rabies. more divorce. Low blood sugar increases during the premenstrual period and it causes irritability. In all of these possibilities--instinct. 18 . Furthermore. heredity. more competitiveness. It is also known that a viral infection. 50% of all crimes by women in prison occurred during their menstrual period or premenstrual period. There is so much we do not know yet. so they are XYY or XXY.
sweating. cheated. We were frustrated. more fairness. namely. and if we "take things personally". Our frustration will be more intense if our goal is highly desirable. at other times it goes up more when we swallow the feelings. insulted. deceived. or made fun of--all these things arouse anger and aggression and distrustful people have more of these experiences. when we have overly optimistic expectations of reaching unreachable goals. or. if we "get close" to our goal and expect to get it. Some of us explode. 19 .e. and greater energy. The more physiologically damaging anger reactions seem to occur under two extreme conditions. depending on the situation. In each case we had hoped for more--for more consideration. Some theorists believe that anger just naturally results from frustration. when we feel utterly helpless. if the barrier to our goal unexpectedly appears and seems unjustified or unfair.UNDERSTANDING ANGER: THEORIES AND FACTS Frustration leads to aggression Any observer of human emotions recognizes that certain circumstances and actions by others seem to make us mad. prevented from achieving some desired goal. including higher blood pressure. i. more understanding. others swallow feelings. This is called the frustration-aggression hypothesis. When we are intentionally hurt. Our blood pressure sometimes goes up more when we explode. the opposite. There are several physiological reactions that accompany frustration.
It is obvious that even though we are frustrated and feel angry. There are two implications (both seriously questioned recently): 1. presumably like pressure in a hydraulic system. We can learn to control our anger but as a basic drive it remains there seeking some expression. it is thought by many therapists to be relieving to express the feelings and get them completely "off your chest. but we see the frustration as an understandable reaction. Clearly. When the angry feelings build up inside. we may not become aggressive--not if such a response might result in our being injured or rejected or fired. psychoanalytic therapy depended heavily on catharsis--uncovering old emotional traumas and venting those feeling until we had some understanding of the internal stress and a thorough draining of the pent up emotions." This is called venting or catharsis. get angry. i. and even hit. Indeed. 2. Yet. then merely deciding to placate your boss or an obnoxious football player doesn't do anything to reduce your anger (indeed. a teenage boy who was unable to go on a trip because his friend had a cold. Early in Freud's(scientists) career. For example. This provides a partial release of the pent up frustration but the initial disappointment may never be admitted and experienced fully. We may not like it. it is likely to cry.e. Not long after this he got into a big fight with his little sister. The unexpressed anger will spill out in other directions (displacement). 20 . It is a popular and common notion that feelings need to be expressed openly and completely. if you think of anger as a drive. an urge inside striving for expression. This displaced aggression is directed away from the real target and towards a safer target. displacement can also be a defense against recognizing the real source of anger. when a child wants something he/she can't have. probably increases it). called a scapegoat. a cleansing of the system. vent feelings.
leading to more negative thoughts about them. First of all. This mental put down-behavioral violence cycle occurs in abuse and in prejudice." So we put them down more. For instance. vicious marital fight with catharsis. personal experience is relived in full fury with the specific intention of emptying the person of toxic venom (anger). Certainly. considerable recent research has been interpreted in such a way as to raise doubts about the value of trying to drain off our anger. The snowballing effect between thoughts and actions goes like this: "We are hurting them. What the behaviorists call catharsis (almost any expression or even observation of emotion) is hardly therapeutic catharsis. It seems reasonable that seeing aggression acted out on the screen might provide a model and some encouragement to an already angry person. Tavris clearly equates a dirty. they must be bad.However. where a painful. Therefore. Why is this? Probably because being hostile is easier the second time and still easier the 100th time. it became pretty clear that watching violent behavior (films. But there are other reasons. We are decent people. Unfortunately. Scientists point out that our negative feelings increase towards another person or group as we hurt them. etc. you've learned about aggression and its payoffs. Conclusions about catharsis Is catharsis helpful or harmful? The problem is. 21 . sports) carried out by others increases our own aggressive responses rather than draining off our anger. Several scientists have sloppily accepted many diverse acts as being "catharsis" and prematurely concluded that all kinds of catharsis are ineffective or harmful. as I see it. watching a film is not the same as a catharsis in therapy. this equation is naive and implies that therapists using catharsis might even advocate abusive violence. justifying hurting them more. Being aggressive and mean towards someone who has angered us does make us feel better but also makes us more inclined to hurt them even more later. abusive. you've overcome your inhibitions against aggression. that catharsis can mean many things. TV. which we will consider in more detail later.
she had a phobia of drinking water from a glass. She didn't understand the fear. gaining insight. a straight-forward. 22 . Example:Published descriptions of therapy provide thousands of examples of catharsis. It doesn't involve watching a model of aggression. attractive young lady. most psychotherapists would say it was the expression of repressed (unconsciously held back) feelings that are causing problems. Josef Breuer. it can be recorded in therapy. The same process occurs when you feel better after letting off steam with a friend. she immediately understood her rejecting the water (just like she rejected the tutor) and she could thereafter drink water from a glass. It focuses on reducing anger. expressed her intense anger about the tutor. Here's one. called an abreaction. recalled being disgusted when she saw her tutor's dog (she hated both the tutor and the dog) drink from a glass. Under hypnosis. Freud's friend. Among many other symptoms. easily controlled procedure for venting one's anger is available (see chapter 12) and could be researched readily. Anna O. None of the current behavioral research has studied such a "cathartic" experience as Anna O's. and reducing the unwanted emotion. Some psychotherapists would consider catharsis to be the intense expression (in therapy or alone) of conscious or unconscious emotions for the specific purpose of feeling better. In the early 1880's.What is catharsis in therapy? Well. After Anna O. was treating a bright. Furthermore. probably because this kind of repressed experience can't be scheduled as a 30-minute lab assignment for Intro Psych students. however. Sometimes the initial traumatic situation (often from childhood) is vividly relived. it never involves actually hurting someone. not learning aggression. Anna O.
I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe; I hid my wrath, my wrath did grow.
I suspect intention and expectation of catharsis are crucially important in determining the outcome, e.g. if you beat a punching bag an hour a day thinking how you will punch out people you don't like, I suspect you will become more hostile and aggressive. If you punch the bag thinking that at the end of an hour you will be completely exhausted and cleansed of your hatred and will have a better understanding and more willingness to forgive the irritating person, I suspect you will become less agitated and aggressive. That needs to be proven in the lab.
One final observation about catharsis: many violent crimes are committed by people described as gentle, passive, quiet, easy-going, and good natured (see Truman Capote's In Cold Blood in which the "nicest boy in Kansas" kills his family). Everyone is surprised. Likewise, many psychological tests describe persons who have committed violent acts as ordinarily being over-controlled, i.e. not emotional or impulsive and very inhibited about expressing aggression against anyone. Thus, it seems that they may "store up" aggression until it is impossible to contain and, then, they explode. Many of us, who have been parents, have had a similar experience, namely, holding our tongue until we over-react with a verbal assault on the child.
The research about hostility suggests that a safe, appropriate way of releasing our anger is badly needed. Athletics are supposed to serve this function for some people but the data is contradictory. Psychotherapists say athletes are less aggressive; Some say they are more. So, watching certain athletics may increase hostility. At the very least, research psychologists and psychotherapists should more clearly define "catharsis." It is not playing or watching sports, writing stories about aggression, fighting in a war, shocking someone in an experiment, watching someone hit a Bobo doll, or watching TV violence. It is well documented that watching, fantasizing, or acting out violence increases the probability that you will be more violent in the future. In contrast, the end result of catharsis is, in some cases, peace and calm, not aggression. Psychotherapists say expressing emotions in therapy can change a person's view and interpretation of the situation. Also, expressing an emotion, such as anger, can result in finding ways to change the irritating situation. Once the released emotion is discussed with a therapist or friend, you are in a better position to make plans for coping with the feelings and the circumstances. Obviously, some people can calm themselves down, i.e. reduce their anger. Anger control and health seem to be related to feeling in control ,trusting and accepting others or at least not seeing them as mean, selfish, and exploitative, and being able to assertively express our negative feelings These are skills many of us need to learn.
Anger & Relationships
Anger is particularly destructive in relationships. When we live in close contact with someone, our personalities, priorities, interests, and ways of doing things frequently clash. Since we spend so much time together, and since we know the other person's shortcomings so well, it is very easy for us to become critical and short-tempered with our partner and to blame him or her for making our life uncomfortable. Unless we make a continuous effort to deal with this anger as it arises, our relationship will suffer. A couple may genuinely love one another, but if they frequently get angry with each other the times when they are happy together will become fewer and further between. Eventually there will come a point when before they have recovered from one row the next has already begun. Like a flower choked by weeds, love cannot survive in such circumstances.
In a close relationship, opportunities to get angry arise many times a day, so to prevent the build-up of bad feelings we need to deal with anger as soon as it begins to arise in our mind. We clear away the dishes after every meal rather than waiting until the end of the month, because we do not want to live in a dirty house nor be faced with a huge, unpleasant job. In the same way, we need to make the effort to clear away the mess in our mind as soon as it appears, for if we allow it to accumulate it will become more and more difficult to deal with, and will endanger our relationship. We should remember that every opportunity to develop anger is also an opportunity to develop patience. A relationship in which there is a lot of friction and conflict of interests is also an unrivalled opportunity to erode away our self-cherishing and selfgrasping, which are the real sources of all our problems. By practising the instructions on patience explained here, we can transform our relationships into opportunities for spiritual growth.
It is through our anger and hatred that we transform people into enemies. We generally assume that anger arises when we encounter a disagreeable person, but actually it is the anger already 25
a child rebels. something happens to make us mad--someone cheats or insults us. We think about it a lot.Anger-generating fantasies First. like a movie played over and over. The 26 . we talk about it. it becomes an obsession. our lover shows a lot of attention to someone else.
distrust of others. Scientists have summarized several studies showing that aggressive fantasies interfere with the reduction of anger. you're practicing it. For example. blame. the angrier we get. research has consistently shown that people who are frequently aggressive have a very limited ability to think of different or more creative ways of handling the angering situation or person . Also. Moreover. they think of only violent solutions to the problem. Psychotherapists interviewed recently fired employees and encouraged them to talk about their hostility towards the company. men hold anger longer than women. in turn. Research supports this notion. your anger increases. If the talking (or thinking) provides more understanding of the disliked person and more ideas about how to cope. and evilness in the other person. just waiting five minutes helps women get over their anger. Also. Scientists say by talking with friends (or a therapist?) about being upset with someone "you aren't ventilating the anger. your anger decreases. and so on. if you believe talking calms you down. This talking increased their hostility. fuels more aggressive fantasies and perhaps ulcers. Scientists speculate that men may be more prone than women to ruminate about the mistreatments they have suffered and/or about their inability (or wished-for ability) to retaliate against their annoyer. Thus." That isn't necessarily so but it is possible. It is not uncommon to meet a person who is still. seething with anger towards a former spouse or a tyrannical parent or boss.more we think about it. There seem to be two elements in anger-building: (1) obsessive hostile fantasies and (2) a lack of creative imagination or fantasy. extremely violent persons often ruminate almost continuously about how awful the hated person is. If the talking (or daydreaming) reinforces your beliefs of injustice. On the other hand. Presumably the unpleasant memories maintain the hostility which. years later. but not men. it probably does. 27 .
The Faults of Anger There is nothing more destructive than anger. 28 . It blocks our spiritual progress and prevents us from accomplishing any spiritual goals we have set ourself .from merely improving our mind. and impels us to engage in negative actions that lead to untold suffering in future lives. It destroys our peace and happiness in this life. up to full enlightenment.
We grow more and more miserable. and even the food we eat seems unpalatable. our inner peace immediately disappears and even our body becomes tense and uncomfortable. forgetting the immeasurable kindness we have received from our friends. and if we are seriously interested in progressing along the spiritual path there is no practice more important than this. no matter how hard we try. Whenever we develop anger. Wishing to retaliate against those whom we think have harmed us. and. We are so restless that we find it nearly impossible to fall asleep. When we are angry we lose all freedom of choice. You can't get rid of. we expose ourself to great personal danger merely to exact petty revenge. Are You Too Angry? 29 . Anger transforms even a normally attractive person into an ugly red-faced demon. family. nor can you change them. It is impossible to enjoy ourself when we are angry. and whatever sleep we do manage to get is fitful and unrefreshing. we cannot control our emotions. our relationships. or Spiritual Teachers. One of the most harmful effects of anger is that it robs us of our reason and good sense. To get our own back for perceived injustices or slights. Sometimes this blind rage is even directed at our loved ones and benefactors. we are prepared to jeopardize our job. and eventually finds himself abandoned by everyone.The opponent to anger is patient acceptance. Anger Management The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. This unfortunate victim of his own temper is the despair of those who formerly loved him. and even the well-being of our family and children. but you can learn to control your reactions. It is no wonder that an habitually angry person is soon avoided by all who know him. Anger is by nature a painful state of mind. driven here and there by an uncontrollable rage. the things or the people that enrage you. we might strike out against and even kill the ones we hold most dear. In a fit of anger. or avoid.
There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings. you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion. how prone to anger you are. 30 . They can't take things in stride. Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others? According to psychologists who specialize in anger management. you already know it. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things. some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are. sulk. being corrected for a minor mistake. inconvenience. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. or annoyance. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening. and how well you handle it. or get physically ill. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger. meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration. and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example. they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. sometimes they withdraw socially. People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration.
touchy.What makes these people this way? A number of things. Research has also found that family background plays a role. and not skilled at emotional communications. Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?" Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. and that these signs are present from a very early age. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger. As a result. people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive. 31 . One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable. we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety. we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively. Typically. chaotic. depression. and easily angered. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative. or other emotions but not to express anger. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.he is tend to get more hyper than others and vice versa.If a person comes from a family where letting out anger is very frequent.
We need to learn patient acceptance. gradually our capacity for patient acceptance will increase and we shall come to know for ourself the freedom and joy that true patience brings. with an open. such as under torture or in the final ravages of cancer. we need to find a different way of relating to frustrated desires and unwanted occurrences. It is much more than just gritting our teeth and putting up with things. When patience is present in our mind it is impossible for unhappy thoughts to gain a foothold. deep down their mind remained at peace. whatever occurs. Being patient means to welcome wholeheartedly whatever arises. accommodating. fully and happily. Although their body was ruined beyond repair. Patience is a mind that is able to accept. 32 . having given up the idea that things should be other than what they are. There are many examples of people who have managed to practise patience even in the most extreme circumstances.DEALING WITH ANGER Since it is impossible to fulfill all our desires or to stop unwanted things happening to us. and peaceful heart. It is always possible to be patient. By learning to accept the small difficulties and hardships that arise every day in the course of our lives. there is no situation so bad that it cannot be accepted patiently.
Q: What are some ways of dealing with anger? A: Probably the most productive way is taking your angry feelings to the source. or you can have the other kind of anger which is directed at someone else or some object. sidestepping the issue. In other words. the non-productive way would be to bottle them up. you can stub your toe walking over a carpet and be angry about that. You can feel angry with yourself over not having done as well as you had hoped on an examination. directly to the person involved. keeping those feelings inside. It is very important to get out angry feelings regardless of what kind of anger you’re feeling. keeping the anger inside. in other words. the other person ends up feeling hurt and relationships are damaged. or you can be angry at a sales person in the store. People that you are involved with. and the frustration can cause people to withdraw from each other. or with a spouse of girlfriend/boyfriend as a result of an argument or dispute. And when you don’t express that anger directly to them. Many people fear hurting someone else’s feelings if they share angry feelings.Q: What causes a person to experience anger? A: There are basically two ways of experiencing anger. An expression that is frequently used is "sandbagging". Yet by holding on to anger. Internal anger is directed at yourself for something that you have done or not done and external anger is the result of an interaction with another person. Q: What are some of the non-productive ways of dealing with anger? A: Instead of expressing feelings. 33 . Having a lot of angry feelings that are pent up could lead to punitive kinds of behavior or resentment. to kind of get it off your chest. In other words. know when you are angry. Sandbagging results in being indirect and sarcastic. usually they resent it. Sandbagging your angry feelings means to avoid the person for whom anger is directed. a boyfriend of girlfriend or a spouse. If your angry feeling are directed at yourself and you are angry with yourself about something. a colleague or a counselor. directly or indirectly. try to express those feelings to a friend. instead of being direct with a person. There are ways that you show it indirectly.
or that they’re not expressing it.Q: Many people are not even aware they are angry. and you are not expressing those angers. On the other hand. Also. The first step is to be aware if something is going on where you are finding yourself agitated. So. You may in fact be in the company of others when you have these angry feelings. You are bottling something up. these are all ways of knowing that something is wrong. Agitated feelings are good clues to unexpressed anger. or tell those feelings to the person you feel has caused them or at least is directly involved with you. peptic ulcers. 34 . or does trust have anything to do with it? A: Expressing anger is a lot easier if we trust someone. upset stomach. Q: Is there a decision-making process related to expressing anger? A: When you have angry feelings . Usually your body tells you that something is wrong. and you may want to find a nice quiet place where you can explain and express those feelings. We may feel angry toward a clerk in a store or a salesperson and we don’t know what the level of trust is. are there preliminary steps that one can start taking to learn more about their angry feelings? A: Yes. I think the most important thing is to trust yourself. How does a person become aware of whether they’re expressing their anger or not? A: One way for people to tell whether they are angry is if they are short tempered. Trust your feelings and let your feelings out. there are occasionally some physical symptoms that go along with unexpressed anger. If you find your honking your horn at traffic. such as migraine headaches. Q: For the person who hasn’t learned too much about expressing anger. there is and considering it a series of steps is the easiest way to look at it. if you are not able to concentrate on your work like you want to. Q: How about the trust factor? Would you have to trust somebody before you express angry feelings to them.you have to decide if this is the right time and the right place to express these feelings. level of trust is not imperative. it very much is a decision. tension headaches.
However. 35 . boyfriend. Taking a "time out" can be enormously constructive. take a few moments. And finally. the ability to hear. Become Aware of what precipitates your anger. then find the right time and the right place and let them know that this is something important to you to express. Get it off your chest. Then confront the situation -. During those minutes (and at other times. See if they have the time to listen to you. What to do? Instead of reacting impulsively. check it out. 5 minutes are not enough. When flooded with negative emotions. Locating the source is the second step. Give yourself time.or person -. spouse? The third step would be to choose the right time and the right place to express that anger. The other person may not respond the way you want them to--they may not be willing to hear it-. then find a friend. girlfriend. if you’re not doing well in your work. If it is the result of an interaction with a certain other person. If it is anger that is inside you directed at yourself.if you are snapping at friends. try some of these techniques for coping with and defusing anger: 1. You only have the responsibility to tell them and that’s about it. you can deal with it more constructively. think and speak are severely impaired. Once you know the roots of your anger. too). research suggests that people need at least 20 minutes to recover from intense psychological arousal. number four would be to tell them your anger in the most simple. Is it something you have or haven’t done? Is it something inside that is going on? Or is it the result of an interaction with a friend.calmly. And always remember that you have the responsibility to express your anger. direct way you can think of.but the important thing is that is their responsibility. You know something is wrong. train yourself to keep a lid on angry feelings until you have cooled down. locate the source. Most of us have identifiable triggers.
but seeing things differently quells it. 4. 3. But be careful: The longer you dwell on what made you angry. the more reasons and self-justifications you can find for being angry. "Sue's deliberately trying to make me look bad. Change the thoughts that trigger anger. Instead of. interpreting the situation from a different (less provocative) point of view. Once you have them on paper. challenge and reappraise them. this involves looking at the situation from the other person's perspective. Monitor the feelings and bodily sensations you experience when you're becoming angry. The quicker you can reinterpret a situation the better. you damn homicidal idiot!" think "Maybe that driver didn't see me. Or write a letter to the person you're angry with and then tear it into a hundred pieces.2. Reframing a situation is one of the most potent ways of controlling anger." Instead of "How dare you cut me off. Learn to use these sensations as cues to stop and consider what is happening and what to do about it. Brooding fuels anger. Often. 36 . Try not to fan your own fire. Write down angry thoughts." Changing thoughts produces new feelings which displace the anger." think "Sue must be having a bad day.
7. 8. If the anger is based on some old wound deep inside. painting. or fear. is a far more powerful way to respond in conflict. humiliation. massage. visualization. guided imagery or meditation. try doing what may be the most courageous and difficult thing of all: Just let it go. so one of the most helpful things you can do is engage in an activity that lowers blood pressure and heart rate. Relax. letting go starts a healing process.5. Running. Blaming. erupting in the wake of other feelings. walking. Activities like gardening. like frustration. like yoga. dancing. Try to become aware of the underlying emotion and express that feeling instead of anger. Respond assertively. swimming and other forms of aerobic exercise "work off" anger and leave you feeling relaxed. deep breathing. The goal isn't to suppress anger. Identify and express the feelings that precede anger. Calmly and assertively stating your thoughts and feelings about a situation. If angry feelings about a particular person or situation are eating at you and none of the above techniques proves helpful. 6. stretching. accusations. 37 . without blaming. and woodworking may also be very helpful. threats and name-calling are aggressive responses. but to express it in non-aggressive ways. Relinquish your anger. Anger is often a secondary emotion. Anger is a high-arousal state. Consider enlisting the support of a professional counselor or therapist. resentment.
has no enemies. for instance. there is no danger of our anger being 'bottled up' and turning into resentment. Such is the power of a well-controlled mind. A Bodhisattva. Controlling anger and repressing anger are two very different things. difficult people or circumstances would not be able to disturb this peace. and so we would feel no compulsion to blame anyone or regard them as our enemy. this is a sure sign that there are still many problems and faults within our own mind. This is very dangerous because the anger continues to seethe below the surface of our mind. To someone who has subdued his or her mind and eradicated the last trace of anger. and his love and respect for his assailant would be undiminished. Repression occurs when anger has developed fully in our mind but we fail to acknowledge its presence.we control the outward expression of anger but not the anger itself. 38 . We pretend to our self and to others that we are not angry . it is not too hard to control. and even if someone did harm him or her. gathering in strength until one day it inevitably explodes. If we were truly peaceful inside and had our mind under control. whose sole motivation is to benefit others. all we need to do is uproot our own anger. if we really want to be rid of all enemies. With his mind dwelling in patience. If we can do this. Therefore. If we are able to recognize a negative train of thought before it develops into fullblown anger. he would remain calm and untroubled. all beings are friends. the Bodhisattva would not view this person as an enemy. Very few people wish to harm someone who is a friend of all the world. If we are forever blaming our difficulties on others.Identifying Anger It is very important to identify the actual cause of whatever unhappiness we feel.
If we do this skilfully. and then make a free and conscious decision to respond more constructively.On the other hand. Once we learn to control and overcome our anger in this way. Those who truly wish to be happy. when we control anger we see exactly what is going on in our mind. should make the effort to free their minds from the poison of anger. We acknowledge honestly the angry stirrings in our mind for what they are. Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay 39 . realize that allowing them to grow will only result in suffering. we shall always find happiness. therefore. both in this life and in our future lives. and so there is nothing to repress. anger does not get a chance to develop properly.
Picture your breath coming up from your "gut. "oh. or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. it's terrible." "take it easy. When you're angry. For instance. and once you learn the techniques. visualize a relaxing experience. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered.Relaxation Simple relaxation tools. Nonstrenuous. everything's ruined. your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic." tell yourself. this means changing the way you think. "it's frustrating. Use imagery. • • • Practice these techniques daily." Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax. instead of telling yourself. you can call upon them in any situation. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. Some simple steps you can try: • Breathe deeply. slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer. it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques. it's awful. and it's understandable that 40 ." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. can help calm down angry feelings. from either your memory or your imagination. such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery. from your diaphragm. breathing from your chest won't relax you. Angry people tend to curse. swear. Cognitive Restructuring Simply put.
that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution. When you're unable to get what you want. even when it's justified. As part of their cognitive restructuring. hurt—but not anger. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything. "I would like" something is healthier than saying. Logic defeats anger. you will experience the normal reactions—frustration. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you. can quickly become irrational. and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. "This !&*%@ machine never works. their disappointment becomes anger. they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. and when their demands aren't met. agreement. but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you. appreciation. willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things." or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt. but angry people demand them. but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow.I'm upset about it." Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. saying. disappointment. because anger. angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. Problem Solving 41 . Angry people tend to demand things: fairness. "I demand" or "I must have" something. and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them." you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. In other words.
Better Communication Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions. and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. but don't fight back. but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. and check your progress along the way. to what is underlying the anger. but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. Instead. don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer. If he or she starts complaining about your activities. or an albatross around your neck. Not all anger is misplaced. you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking. The best attitude to bring to such a situation. too. Resolve to give it your best. but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part.Sometimes. 42 . For instance. then. listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. and it may require some breathing space. Listen. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one. Make a plan. listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head. is not to focus on finding the solution. you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space. At the same time. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution. and often it's a healthy. but rather on how you handle and face the problem. our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. even if the problem does not get solved right away. and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. natural response to these difficulties. a warden.
The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes. a supreme ruler. you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. it can help you get a more balanced perspective. striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. can make you laugh. There are two cautions in using humor. but it's often accompanied by ideas that. picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk. Second. draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. sarcastic humor." for example. but not them! When you feel that urge. For one thing. talking on the phone. don't try to just "laugh off" your problems.Using Humor "Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Anger is a serious emotion. First. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury. 43 . he suggests. going to meetings. that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression. What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable. and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form. If you can. rather. stop and picture what that word would literally look like. don't give in to harsh. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase. if examined. picture yourself as a god or goddess. who owns the streets and stores and office space. use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Maybe other people do. Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right.
such as a bus or commuter train. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap. or distracted." After this brief quiet time. The point is to keep yourself calm. Don't say. shut the door. "well. Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired. Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it. one that's less congested or more scenic. my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Four Proven Techniques for Managing Anger Step 1:The first step towards managing anger in our personal relationships appropriately is the 44 . Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration. Give yourself a break. for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire. give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route. Or find another alternative.Changing Your Environment Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work.
we are often experiencing the consequences of our suppressed anger. There remains one last step. Step 4:- 45 . • These impediments to the effective and appropriate management of our anger towards others can be removed so that our suppressed anger will NOT compound itself inside of us as it has been doing for years. denial.identification of the mistaken attitudes and convictions that predispose us to being excessively angry in the first place! Once these mistakes have been corrected. But the management of our anger does not end in learning these new and more appropriate ways to express it. ignorance and so on. Step 2:The second step is the identification of those factors from our childhood that prevents us from expressing our anger as appropriately as we otherwise might. very often we are also angry at our self without realizing it. When we are anxious or depressed in our relationships. we will be less likely to fly off the handle than we were in the past. • Learning to appropriately manage our anger at ourselves is the antidote to much of alcoholism and drug abuse. The problem is that we have suppressed our anger so deeply that we succeeded in concealing it from our own selves! All we are left with is the residual evidence of it. When we are depressed. These factors include fear. our anxiety or our depression. Step 3:The third step is learning the appropriate modes of expressing our "legitimate" anger at others so that we can begin to cope more effectively with anger provoking situations as they arise in our personal relationships.
If we do not complete this mopping up step. Very often the feeling is. Something below the level of our conscious awareness prevents us from relieving our residual anger by forgiving the other person and we then carry a grudge in our hearts for thirty years! This unresolved anger poisons our relationship with our friends and loved ones. that is the solution. One of the most effective means of giving ourselves immediate relief from anger in our personal relationships is to forgive others. is forgiveness for those who only do us right? Most people have a hard time forgiving others simply because they have a wrong understanding of what forgiveness is! When you forgive someone. Controlling Anger Benefits of Patience In reality most of our emotional problems are nothing more than a failure to accept things as they are . it does not mean that you condone or are legitimizing their behavior toward you. Many of us cannot forgive those who have trespassed against us. For example. we will cling to the resentment of having been done wrong and will carry the festering residue of our anger and rage in our hearts forever.The fourth step in the Anger Management process is to bind up the wounds that may have been left by the potentially devastating emotional impact of anger. many of our relationship problems arise 46 .in which case it is patient acceptance. rather than attempting to change externals. It even spoils our relationship with ourselves! We make our own lives mean and miserable instead of happy and full. To forgive them means that you refuse to carry painful and debilitating grudges around with you for the rest of your life! You are "refusing" to cling to the resentment of them having done you wrong. "Anger wounds" left in us against those who have wronged us. "Why should I forgive them? What they did was WRONG!" But.
both physically and emotionally.ing mind does not exist in the calm. clear space of patient acceptance. The person who is a problem to a non-accept.as all the enlightened beings accept us . Once we fully accept other people as they are without the slightest judgement or reservation . Perhaps we already try to tolerate our partner's idiosyncrasies. Patient acceptance not only helps us. Most people can use their anger in appropriate ways in some situations. but often it solves problems between people as well Anger management programs INDIVIDUAL ANGER PROGRAM Chronic anger can be costly. and go along with his wishes most of the time. but to accept him fully as he is. Being accepted feels very different to being judged. and this allows their good qualities to come to the surface. it also helps those with whom we are patient. refrain from criticizing him or her. In these cases the solution is not to change our partner into what we would like him to be.then there is no basis for problems in our relations with others. When someone feels judged they automatically become tight and defensive. but when they feel accepted they can relax. but have we in the depths of our heart given up judging him? Are we completely free from resentment and blaming? Is there not still a subtle thought that he ought to be different from the way he is? True patience involves letting go of all these thoughts.because we do not accept our partner as he or she is. 47 . There are many levels of acceptance. Problems do not exist outside our mind. so when we stop seeing other people as problems they stop being problems. and yet be ineffectual in others. Patience always solves our inner problems.
positive feedback and promoting. lasting forty-five minutes (45min). The Individual Anger Program employs the three major anger control interventions by using model presentations.Participation in the Individual Anger Program reduces levels of anger. EMPLOYEE ANGER PROGRAM Goals • • To reduce levels of anger in provocative situations To learn effective coping behaviors in order to halt escalation and to resolve conflicts 48 . The Individual Sessions begin and end on time. Graduated homework assignments allow participants to apply their newly acquired skills. Goals • • To reduce levels of anger in provocative situations To learn effective coping behaviors in order to halt escalation and to resolve conflicts Format The Individual Anger Program uses a skill building format and each new skill relies. therefore participants are strongly encouraged to attend all twelve (12) sessions. to some extent. on what has previously been learned. especially in provocative situations. rehearsal. You are encouraged to do homework assignments. You will learn effective coping behaviors to stop escalation and to resolve conflicts.
Overcoming the power of 49 . which may threaten the level of your satisfaction. insightful background. and a map for the healing journey possible in real relationships. A real relationship provides its partners with the opportunity for personal growth. practical skills. The false self defensively refuses to assert the real self. Partners who make a real relationship work have certain skills. and emotional and spiritual healing. Learn how to overcome the power of difference and shame. development of the real self.COURT (ORDERED) ANGER PROGRAM Goals • • To reduce levels of anger in provocative situations To learn effective coping behaviors in order to halt escalation and to resolve conflicts COUPLE PROGRAM The Couple Anger Program is for couples who want professional help for dealing with anger and building a relationship in which both partners can express their real self. which allows them to form a relationship that can endure. deepen. This Program provides clear explanations. They know and practice core interpersonal skills. The Couple Anger Program offers practical skills for dealing with anger and encouragement for those seeking more meaning and healthy closeness in their relationship. and grow. The dynamics of difference and shame have the power to set up the development of a false self.
these dynamics is the source of transforming unhealthy wounded relationships and individuals into healthy ones. The Couple Anger Program provides improvement in the following areas: Assertiveness Skills Overcoming Your Anger Overcoming Your Partner's Anger Overcoming Difference and Shame Overcoming Your Anxiety Conflict Resolution Skills Direct Communication Skills Listening Skills ANGER MANAGEMENT IN SOBRIETY Angry feelings is one of the greatest challenges for recovering alcoholics and addicts. Mismanged anger poses a threat to recovery for the newcomer and the oldtimer. Relapse is often related to the inability to constructively handle anger. Positive Steps in Dealing With Anger Recognize Angry Feelings: 50 . Sometimes the greatest threat is to relationships.
or sex Identify The Cause: • • • • • What is the situation? Who is involved? Is this the first time or is this a pattern? What other feelings are you experiencing? Are you too stressed? Tired? Hungry? Lonely? Scared? Decide How To Behave: 51 .• • • • How do you know when you are angry? How does your anger show? Do you deny your anger and hide it? Do you own your anger and go with it? List Your Anger Signs: • • • • • • • • • • • • • Head. spending. stomach and back aches Rapid speech Yelling and screaming Sarcasm or cynicism Denial or rationalization about your behavior Revenge fantasies Thoughts about drinking or using drugs Arguing with others Becoming silent or withholding Avoiding Others Isolating Becoming Violent Compulsive eating. cleaning.
• • • 52 . including triggers. but it's not worth the price I pay.• • Reason with your angry self-talk. behavior and future planning. o o o o Use a calm and asssertive tone.. money or sex. practice first with a third party. Daily attention to diet and exercise will improve focus and concentration. Change thoughts. Name-calling. Chart your progress and be generous with self-praise when you change your behavior. Ranting and raving. If you're too angry. Keep a log of your anger work. • Avoid behavior that will make the situation worse: o o o o Artificial stimulants like nicotine and caffeine." To: "It's unfortunate this happened. Compulsive behavior with food. Practice listening. Don't interrupt." • • • Do physical activity. From: "I'm angry at you because you. and contribute to less stressful anger management. Begin some physically demanding work. Walk or jog. Talk directly the person involved.. Prevention and Preparation: • Meditation can help balance the nervous system.
bullying teens and raging .bang their heads . And remember. Bring it to your recovery or therapy group.and or hold their breaths when they can’t do something . 53 .can turn into toddlers who lie on the floor . It is best to start calming tactics from the cradle itself.Only you can decide on the best method to use at this time to handle your anger.scream . It is a part of being human! Tame Temper Tantrums Babies who turn red & scream with rage when their physical needs are not met with immediately . They can develop into roaring .aren’t allowed to do something or are made to do it. anger is not a dirty word. Discuss it with a friend or superior. Seek professional help when needed. which seem the best? What are the possible outcomes if you try a particular alternative? What will you do if this alternative doesn't work? Write in a journal.flail their limbs .belligerent adults with high risk for heart attacks. Of the alternatives you have.
Reinforce the fact that while it is all right to be angry. Seek counseling if the child starts breaking things.It takes patience. You jump to the least generous conclusion about others. leave the room and shut the door. harms himself or others. You always need to be in control – and not only when you are driving.lull the baby to sleep or try distraction. paste a smile & go to a peaceful nook where u can both cool off. Is Hostility Harming Your Heart? • • • • • • You’re constantly on the look out for misbehaviour of others. If it is an in house display. You get so infuriated that you throw things . Discover the cause of the anger. Ignore the child for about three minutes. getting out of control is unacceptable. You are unable to listen because you don’t value the experience of others. If it happens in a public place pick up the child.or scream obscenities. Demonstrate love when the storm has passed without giving in over the issue. Hold infants firmly and gently to help soothe them. Also talk in a quite voice . 54 . You believe that everybody else around you are incompetent nincompoops. then issue a one to ten deadline to stop. Sympathize with a toddler.hit someone .
the You get enraged during the course of a game . heart pounding. muttering obscenities. You find yourself getting angry with inanimate objects such as the computer . This will make you aware of what triggers you to blow your top. Here’s how : 1. Recognize signs of trouble. tensed jaw. telephone and the television. angry or aggressive thought for a week – even vague ones. Say teeth clenching or grinding. 55 . first making. 2. hunched shoulders.• • • • • • You yell at others when you are driving and go ballistic in a cab.be it bridge or badminton. You have an argument with a stranger because he bumped into you. Minor irritants build up during the day leaving you in a foul mood with the world. spot patterns and consider corrective measures. Log it. you can learn to shed your hospitality. You get angry all over again when you recall an irritating incident. Note down your every annoyed. SOME MORE ANGER MANAGEMENT TIPS If you find that rage is disrupting your life.
Six times of this will evaporate your murderous rage and allow you to face the object of your wrath placidly.or scream. If you have a pointless hostile thought about an independent situation over which you have no control .it may be easily controllable.short circuit it by shouting “Stop” either vocally or silently. 56 .resisting unreasonable demands and asking for what you want. fantasize about a steamy encounter in bed or a lazy lie. This can clear the air. 8.Refocus. 10. Unbottle. Then count from one to give and use your favourite fantasy for 20 second to spare before responding.lock yourself into a room .Look at the bigger picture. Deep exhalations help you to concentrate & slow down your heart. If you must vent out your feeling violently . Assertion means taking a stand .alone. Aggression means a loss of control .putting another person down . You can’t focus on two things at the same time. Express yourself in a non-threatening way.to walk away than to stand and slug it out. Get into another room. If you re-examine something that seems like a big deal . so you feel yourself getting burned up. Put a rubber band on your wrist and twang it when you feel an inner fire escalating. Remember it takes a better. 7. Or look at the situation from another point of view. Know the difference between aggression and assertion.even the loo .fling an object . Then let go. honestly and openly. reconcile differences and free the flow of all feelings. Just because you think that they are you’re always right doesn’t mean that you are. Think pleasant. Don’t be provoked by others into fighting or shouting. Snap. 6. 11. Say stop. Take a few deep breaths. Convey real feelings of displeasure at the time it occurs and to the person who causes it.and shows a failure to cope with or to solve a problem.in on a moon drenched beach.and healthier person. Perhaps a family member or friend can provide fresh insight and suggest ways to deal with your rage. Anger can make you dizzy and less able to rationalize. 12.Think wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.3. 9. 4. Don’t hold it until you explode it uncontrollably. 13. 5. Punch at a pillow .
Use time management.rather than on weekdays or on the first day of the month. 16. Do You Need Counseling? If you feel that your anger is really out of control. Allow yourself plenty of time to get to work in the morning to avoid fretting and fuming. Try not to carry bad feelings from home to office and vice versa . you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life. you’ll not only save on hotel rates but spare yourself crowded and overbooked transport. 17.caffeine and sugar .or music therapy.relaxation . Visit restraints which are less crowded or when they are less crowded .Remind yourself of the embarrassment you felt when you lost control. Clear your mind of unnecessary garbage by keeping some in between quite moments to yourself . Meditation helps you to analyse yourself more clearly. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior. Physical exercise .thus taking them out on the wrong person. 57 .the greater the chance of conquering hospitality. 19.colas and candy. 20. 15.Get some me-time to sort out your feelings and de-clutter your mind with a positive attitude. It’ll prevent you from making the same mistake again.Compartmentalize.at least 20 minutes a day.Cut cigars .Get moving.coffee .14. Holiday off season. 18. Try to adjust your schedule to miss the rush hour. relaxes extra energy and makes you feel more relaxed.shop early in the morning or on weekends . The less dependence on nicotine . Yoga releases anger and frustration.Join a course in mind control .
In spite of all your efforts. things will happen that will cause you anger. and ask about his or her approach to anger management. a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks. they tend to let others walk all over them. psychologists say. OBJECTIVE OF ANGER TEST Anger Profile 12 situations. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on. With counseling. and the unpredictable actions of others.When you talk to a prospective therapist. loss. Remember. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run. Life will be filled with frustration. these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations. you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. depending on the circumstances and the techniques used. What About Assertiveness Training? It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive). 15-20 min . 58 . Still. You can't change that. That isn't something that most angry people do. pain. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person. but you can change the way you let such events affect you. and sometimes it will be justifiable anger.
and an inability to keep it under control can lead to serious problems in relationships. What it measures: Your style of anger in three different types of situations: emotionally loaded.Question type: Situational What you get: An overview of the topic of anger with a discussion of the positive as well as negative aspects of the emotion. Learn more about your approach to anger 59 .proper anger management techniques/strategies etc. career and families. Basic goal: Anger test for anybody is to help him/her identify those areas which always lead to trouble and frustrate him/her and learn new and better responses for all concerned i. Measures both your external reaction and your internal feelings of anger. Also determines how long you dwell on bad feelings and how in touch you are with your feelings overall. Anger Test Introduction:Do you often find yourself unable to control your temper? Does your anger come out in unhealthy ways that are damaging to both yourself and others? Anger is an extremely powerful emotion.e. moderately loaded. and benign.
I feel slightly annoyed. 4. Up until this moment you believed your relationship was stable.this is your soulmate. 3.I feel very angry. They are kissing publicly and very passionately.On your way home from work you stop off at the shopping mall to pick up some dinner.I feel furious.You have just come out of the gym and are heading home after a long day.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel very angry. 3.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel a little angry. 6. The guy turns out to be pretty clumsy . It's designed to evaluate your general level of anger in different types of situations. 2. 4.I feel slightly annoyed. 3. You are looking forward to a nice relaxing evening until you see your car.Your friend persuades you to hire her/his cousin for a moving job.management with the Anger Profile. 6. As you walk past a restaurant you catch a glimpse of your partner with another woman/man. How do you feel? 1. and committed . 2.he even manages to drop a box labeled "fragile" with your 60 .I don't feel angry at all. 2. Questions:1. Two other parked cars have boxed it in. How do you feel? 1. and there is no way you can pull out of the parking spot without damaging it.I feel a little angry.I don't feel angry at all.I feel furious. loving.
How do you feel? 1. 4.I feel slightly annoyed.I feel a little angry.I feel moderately angry 5.I don't feel angry at all. 61 .I feel slightly annoyed. 2. and they are not light travelers! You've arranged with your partner to have the car for the day. 4. 2.I don't feel angry at all.family crystal in it.I feel furious. You thought your voice was pretty good.I feel very angry.You have agreed to pick up some friends at the train station. 3. How do you feel? 1. How do you feel? 1.I feel furious. 4.I feel very angry.I feel a little angry. Most of your friends heard the comment. 3.I feel moderately angry 5. 4. 2.I feel slightly annoyed. 6.I don't feel angry at all.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel a little angry. They are coming to stay with you for a month. 3. You are about to leave the house when you realize the car is outside but your partner has gone to work with the keys. All of the wine glasses are shattered into hundreds of pieces.At a karaoke night with friends your partner pokes fun of your singing. 6.I feel very angry. 5.
I don't feel angry at all. he poops and digs to get rid of the "evidence". You just bought a new car and bring it to a friends' business to show them. her daughter comes up with 2 more items to buy.I feel slightly annoyed.I feel moderately angry 5.6.I feel a little angry.I feel slightly annoyed. how do you feel? 62 .I feel very angry. and while they discuss that. 3.You've planted an herb garden in your back yard and are looking forward to reaping the fruit of your efforts.I feel furious.I feel moderately angry 5. At that point. 6. Lately you've noticed your garden is being messed with. The person in front of you has at least 5 items over the limit and argues with the clerk to accept her. 6. 4. Your garden is ruined .who wants to eat contaminated produce? How do you feel? 1. How do you feel? 1.I feel furious. With a delighted expression on his face. in a hurry. 7.I feel a little angry. One day you catch the neighbor's poodle in action. You go in and get them and bring them outside to see it.I feel furious. and about to be late for a dinner party at home. 2. 6. 4.You’re in the express line in the supermarket.I feel very angry. 8. Then she argues over a price and the clerk has to go back in the store to check it. Your spouse has been on your case about being late in the past. 3.I don't feel angry at all. 2. finally winning her case. When you get back to your car you notice that the mini-van that was parked next to your car is gone and that you now have a dent and long scratch in your left-rear fender.
10.You are living in your new home.You were told that the man from your appliance guarantee company was coming this morning to check the new broken washer you bought. After two calls.1. At that point.I feel moderately angry 5. that you became uncomfortable.I don't feel angry at all.I feel a little angry. 6. then picks him up and says. You have many things to do but you have to stay at home this morning or miss him. "Isn't he creative?".I feel very angry. then you. The two of you went to get the boy and found him in your living room. Your nosy and irritating neighbor comes to visit and brings her young son. 4. 6. Now you feel: 63 . even asking the cost repeatedly. you call again at 12:30 only to find out he's been delayed and will come some time this afternoon. you noticed that he had written all over your white furniture and on your foil wallpaper with the permanent markers she had brought without telling you what they were. 2.Also he calls back later and says he’ll b there by maximum 1hr. 9.I feel slightly annoyed.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel furious. Shocked. Then you offer her coffee and you chat for a while. She takes a look at him. 3.but doesn’t turn up till eve.I don't feel angry at all.I feel furious. with all its new features and fresh wall coverings.I feel very angry. 3. 2.I feel slightly annoyed. She says she brought things to keep him busy and convinces you it's okay to leave him alone while you two chat. 4. It was pleasant enough but she made so many comments on how expensive was the wallpaper and the furniture and the tea serving. how do you feel? 1.I feel a little angry. as she heads rapidly for the front door.
you know. at the desk. when you get to the end of the road and pull up next to him.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel a little angry. 12.I feel a little angry.I feel very angry. gives you the finger and speeds off leaving rubber on the road.I feel slightly annoyed.I feel very angry.You are driving behind a very slow moving car on a canyon road. 3.I feel slightly annoyed. that the doctor will be with you shortly. You get there with three minutes to spare and are told to wait in a very full and noisy waiting room and that the doctor will be with you shortly.I feel moderately angry 5. Then.I don't feel angry at all.I feel furious. 2. "He must have been delayed at the nineteenth hole again. he shouts an obscenity. finally. How do you feel? 1. An hour later." Now.I don't feel angry at all. 3. Each time the car ahead comes to an area where he could pull to the side and let you pass. 64 . you patiently blink your lights to let him know you would like to pass.1.I don't feel angry at all. A traffic jam immediately occurs as a line of cars is forced to slow down behind you. You take care of your morning responsibilities then rush to make a doctor's appointment. 6.I feel furious. you overhear one of the other people in the waiting room say. this is his golf morning. after just being told for the third time. 6. 4. He repeatedly refuses to let you (and the long line of cars behind you) go around him and even speeds up once as you try to pass on the right so you can't make it. you're up and feel: 1. 2. 4. 11.
occupation etc. calm and collected.2. Based on your answers to the test questions. Age group 25-35 = 20 people. Engineers. The above questionnaire was used as a tool for surveying people. Rather than 65 . Each option carries marks(their seriel nos are considered as marks in this survey) and then the total of all these options is taken and the person is told about his/her behaviour(on an overall basis). Students.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel slightly annoyed. Occupations considered:Business. 3. that's your style. 6. Doctors. it's safe to say you're more happy-go-lucky than fuming and furious! You don't appear to fly off the handle or freak out when something rubs you the wrong way.I feel furious.sex. Sample size:Age group 15-25 = 20 people. Out of the above people:Males = 35 Females = 25. 4. Labourers.Alike the following sample about 60 people were contacted for the anger management test. Age group 35-45 = 20 people.depending on their score they were briefed on their anger level and were suggested means to keep their anger in control.Also the people were segmented on the basis of age.I feel a little angry. The anger level of people were placed in either of the options:Score between 20-30:Cool.I feel very angry.
do you? It's 66 . You don't want people fearing your wrath. You seem to have found a balance between accepting the occasional flash of temper and not letting yourself get worked up over nothing. and that the feeling will pass if you don't focus on it. From your answers on the test we can deduct that you have the occasional flare of temper. You realize that sometimes it's just not worth the headache. Way to go! Score between 30-40:Your overall anger level is normal. Expressing feelings is much more effective than exploding. Score between 40-60:If rage and tranquility were countries. As long as you recognize that it's normal and. Perhaps there are certain situations that get your goat and bring out your angry side. in fact.it saves both you and those around you from a lot of unnecessary turmoil.suppressing anger can be precarious. healthy to get angry from time to time. This is a healthy. you'd be living on the border. normal approach . but so can letting yourself get swept away by the powerful emotion.plotting revenge or making people pay for any offense. This well-controlled temper is certainly an asset . but are generally able to keep a lid on it. or you simply wake up on the wrong side of the bed from time to time . you try to keep your cool. your approach is productive. You get angry in certain situations but don't blow up at every possible occasion. you should consider the impact they might be having on your relationships and reputation.and the world suffers the consequences! Whether these flashes of anger are a regular thing or not.
ask yourself if it's really worth it. Most of all. and even get yourself into some pretty sticky situations. but freaking out over small things can only lead to trouble. The following are the various reasons why Anger Management is important: 67 . You may make enemies as a result of your outbursts.normal and even healthy to get angry. these feelings of fury are surely affecting YOU. Score 60 & above:I'm actually afraid to tell you this. You may not actually act out on those angry feelings. To maintain a healthy relationship with others. Will you even remember the whole incident in a few days time? IMPORTANCE OF ANGER MANAGEMENT Anger is not good for any kind of relationship. which is certainly not healthy for your relationships. being angry consumes a lot of precious energy you could be using in more productive ways. whether it is personal or professional. Each time you find yourself angry.you have a wicked temper! Your responses to the test questions showed that you have a tendency to blow a fuse at the slightest provocation. a nasty temper can cause a lot of trouble in life. Anger creates differences and leads to unhealthy and bitter experiences. and might even wish that you had more self-control. Truth is. other people could be nervous around you. it is important to manage anger. but someone's got to do it .
generating from anger. It helps to control and manage individual and group anger as well. Anger Management helps build healthy relationship. It helps to keep anger under control. 68 . making the person more friendly and peaceful. It is a key to long term success. It helps control the health problems like blood pressure. etc.
his breath would come out in gasps and his body would begin to shake. Anil was friendly.but he would do nothing to mend his ways” It was in 1999 . He was so furious that he bashed up the object of his wrath again and again and again. The family was advised to move Anil to Chandigarh where an echo cardiogram and angiography reconfirmed the diagnosis. Then it became so terrifyingly unbearable that he was taken to a nearby hospital. He lit a cigarette to cool down (he had been smoking 5 to 10 day ever since he had passed his SSC). At home if his meals were not to his liking . His elder sister and brother are married.when Anil got into a huge argument with a family member. Meditation was prescribed.” During a cricket match. Restlessly. Sometimes dad would scold him back .he would berate mom. He would feel the bile rising . He threw up.A FACTUAL STORY Anil Sharma (28) is the youngest child in an ex service man’s family. if he felt that someone was out and wouldn’t accept this .in Himachal Pradesh . despite the frequent transfers which go with the Navy.his temper –although nobody perceived it as such.a monster even” admits Anil. 69 . “Anger turned him into a raging bull . because the Sharmas – both. There to his utter bewilderment. mature child who excelled in sports and studies. he was told that he had suffered a major heart attack. There was one problem. until he was restrained by others. parents and sons. exploded easily.he would shout and even get abusive. Felt better. “And then he felt this pain in his chest which intensified to encompass the whole on his left side.
Says Sharma . Suratkal! Every three months and takes his medication faithfully. Says Anil: “I feel bad that I have not yet got a job although I am a B.wouldn’t believe . She is helping Anil to grow in confidence and self esteem. Another angiography cleared up clogged arteries & he was put on a regimen of blood thinners .”It is not as if I don’t ever get angry now. Vidya is like a beacon of hope. I feel like I am a burden on my parents and when I see their worried faces my heart is heavy. How can I get experience if I don’t get a job? Has my life ended before it has even begun?” Through it all Dr.has stopped non-veg fare . But I’ve learned to recognize the signs and stay in control. He was advised to bring his 50 kilos of weight down to 65 kilos to suit his height of 5 ft. in Instrumentation.heart stabillsors and cholesterol busters. 5 inches. On her advice he was managed to rein in his temper. 70 .” Unfortunately the anger has given way to depression.given up his gutkha and cigarettes. Vidya Suratkal’s care. He walks for an hour every evening . But wherever I go they ask for experience.Anil felt better but the family decided to come to Mumbai where the cardiologist scolded him: “What are you doing? Why aren’t you taking your condition seriously?” The 26-year old couldn’t believe .that he’d had a heart attack! Nobody in his family had ever had a heart disease! The next stop was at Lilavati Hospital where he was put under Dr. And sees Dr. I spend hours scouring the papers and sending my resume all over the place.E.
unsatisfied employees and much more. whether it is hospitals. If a person does not learn how to control his anger. loss of money and customers. private business. They can make Anger Management a part of their training. Anger Management is necessary in every field today. banks. etc.CONCLUSION Anger is the worst enemy of a person. Everyone likes to see a smiling and happy face and Anger Management helps in the same. In professional world. he can lead to being alone. 71 . how to manage anger. anger can generate a lot of enemies. be more patient. So Anger Management is very essential in personal and professional life of an individual. In order to teach the employees how to manage their anger and to manage customers. satisfy customers and win new customers. companies can train the employees. and thus. which will help employees to control their anger. specially the one who directly deal with clients.
uk www.com www.brint.amazon.com www. Foore Amy Twain The following websites helped in successful completion of this project: www.com THANK YOU! 72 .beatingangerfranchise.co.BIBLIOGRAPHY The following were the books which were referred for the completion of this project: BOOKS Indigo Dreams Anger Management Techniques (Audio Book) Fabulous Self – Esteem AUTHOR Lori Lite Dr.financialexpress.
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