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ARTICLE 1

:
Bros beIore hoes. I cannot stress this enough. Always remember, girlIriends come and go, but
your boys are always there. Breaking this rule is to commit the cardinal sin against Team
Testosterone.
ARTICLE 2:
Never drink the last beer, unless you`ve been granted speciIic permission that it`s OK
ARTICLE 3:
II a girl Ialls into the Iollowing criteria, she is oII limits Iorever until the end oI time:
A. Was an ex-girlIriend
B. Your Iriend speciIically told you he wanted her
C. Is your buddy`s sister (However, iI it`s your buddy`s cousin, well she`s up Ior grabs, and
you`re welcome to rub it in his Iace Ior years to come)
ARTICLE 4:
Never diss a guy whose team just lost a crushing game. Just leave it alone, it`s kinder to pick
on them Ior a dead relative
ARTICLE 5:
You must never own a cat
ARTICLE 6:
II you get 2 tickets to the big game/gig/event, the priority list Ior granting the second ticket is
as Iollows:
1. Your best Iriends (in order oI how long you`ve known them)
2. Your acquaintances
3. Your co-workers
4. The mailman
5. The UPS guy
6. NASA
7. John Kerry
.
1,485,726. Your girlIriend
ARTICLE 7:
You are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick Ilick. You may have no
more. And iI you like Grease, well, we`re already too late
ARTICLE 8:
Birthday and Christmas presents Ior your guy Iriends are optional. Beer always makes a great
giIt
ARTICLE 9:
II you go the bar with your buddies, you must buy a round oI drinks at least once
ARTICLE 10:
There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, Hoops, Street Hockey, Bare-
Iisted boxing, etc.
ARTICLE 11:
II you owe someone money, pay them back as soon as humanly possibleunless it`s a
gambling debt, which must be paid immediately
ARTICLE 12:
Standard shotgun rules are as Iollows:
A. Shotgun may only be called within Iull sight oI the car
B. Shotgun must be called outside
C. Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes
D. Shotgun never carries over to a second ride
ARTICLE 13:
NO PDA (Public Displays oI AIIection), even iI John Legend says they just don`t care. I
mean, congratulations, another girl can stand the sight oI you. You don`t need to wear her
like a Iucking trophy
ARTICLE 14:
It`s alright to cheat at any game where money isn`t involved. In certain circumstances,
relationships may be classiIied as "games"
ARTICLE 15:
Don`t tell other guys elaborate stories about your weightliIting exercise routine. No one cares
ARTICLE 16:
Never openly question another guy`s sports wisdom, unless said inIormation speciIically
pertains to your Iavorite team.
ARTICLE 17:
When out with the guys, never accept a call Irom your girlIriendunless she`s dying or
trapped under a burning Iuel truck, and iI that`s the case, make it quick
ARTICLE 18:
Always allow a buIIer zone at urinals and on couches
ARTICLE 19:
Never share a bed with a guy, unless there`s no way around it
ARTICLE 20:
Bros beIore Hoes. I know, I already used it. I can`t stress it enough, though. It is absolutely
inIuriating how many oI my guy Iriends have become insuIIerable dicks since they`ve gone
out with someone
ARTICLE 21
Bros will not be assumed to be exclusive unless each has explicitly granted the other
exclusive Bro rights. II a Bro is not exclusive then a Bro may have more than one Bro.
However, upon becoming exclusive, said Bro must break any Bro ties with all other Bros.
ARTICLE 26:
A bro will, in a timely manner, alert his bro to the existence oI a girl Iight
ARTICLE 27
II a Bro catches another Bro in plagiarism albeit awesome plagiarism a Bro shall be
required to ask the Bro to cite his source.
ARTICLE 34:
Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil`s Threeway (2 dudes)
ARTICLE 37
II one Bro calls another Bro a douche then said naming must be conIirmed by another Bro
even iI the third Bro is a chick. This naming only requires a "second" by any Bro and does
not require a majority vote by all Bros involved.
ARTICLE 40
Love thy neigh-bro
ARTICLE 50
The bro with the better paying job is required to buy the Iirst round. II the other bro is
temporarily out oI money or leIt his wallet at home drinks can be lended yet in the long run
these drinks must be repaid, later that night by wingman services or any other act oI
entertainment or at the next gathering.
ARTICLE 53:
A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection
ARTICLE 56:
A Bro shall never reveal the score oI a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice
conIirmed it`s cool.
ARTICLE 57:
A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro / chick ratio oI a party or venue without Iirst
disclosing the present-time observed ratio.
ARTICLE 58:
II a Bro, Ior whatever reason, becomes aware oI another Bro`s girlIriend`s birthday and / or
anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that inIormation available to his Bro, regardless
whether he thinks his Bro already knows
ARTICLE 59:
One Bro makes a solo chick attack
A second Bro provides a crutch
A third Bro rounds out the pack
But a Iourth Bro is one too much
ARTICLE 60:
Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to
ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction oI said girl`s wildly
unattractive cousin / Iriend / mother.
ARTICLE 61:
A Bro shall honor his Iather and mother.
ARTICLE 62:
In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs.
Should the dry spells be oI equal length, a game oI discreet roshambo shall determine the
outcome.
ARTICLE 63:
In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment oI the adult variety,
one Bro is Iorbidden Irom intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY
capacity, including but not limited to; the high Iive, the Iist bump, or the congratulatory
gluteal pat. Winking is also kind oI a no-no.
ARTICLE 64:
A Bro much provide his bro with a ticket to an event iI said event involves the second Bro`s
Iavorite sports team in a playoII scenario
ARTICLE 65:
A Bro must always reciprocate a round oI drink(s) among Bros with the proviso that no
existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange oI spirits.
ARTICLE 66:
II a Bro suIIers pain Irom a permanent dissolution oI a relationship with a lady Iriend, a Bro
shall oIIer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man¨ and copious quantities oI beer
ARTICLE 67:
Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out
that he is a tool
ARTICLE 68:
II a Bro is on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possibly to ensure its longevity,
even iI that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing oI work, or temporarily
immigrating to a Ioreign country.
ARTICLE 77:
A Bro never cries
ARTICLE 80
When in a slap bet thy bro must always obey the rules oI the slap bet. II caught cheating in a
slap bet the selected slap bet coordinator must rule the consequences oI how many more slaps
must be given to thy cheater
ARTICLE 87:
A Bro shall at all times say Yes`
ARTICLE 88:
When one bro engages a Iellow bro in a political debate, said debate shall remain civil and in
good spirits. Should said debate become an argument, the bro who initiated the "argument"
shall slap himselI and then down two Miller Chills. This bro will then, in the proceeding
Gubernatorial, Congressional, or Presidential election, vote Ior the candidate oI his Iellow
Bro`s choosing
ARTICLE 89:
A Bro may never pursue the mom oI another Bro. Be it here resolved that at no point is it
permissible Ior one Bro to engage in carnal delicacies with another Bro`s mother. It is,
however, allowed and encouraged Ior one Bro to graphically suggest to a Bro the athletic
Ieats, animalia, and/or machinery utilized during a Iictional encounter with his mom. Should
a Bro discover his Bro is in Iact adopted, he is Iree to pursue his Bro`s adoptive mother, but
only aIter Iirst corroborating non-biological parentage through notarized birth certiIicates,
hospital records, or comparative deoxyribonucleic acid gel electrophoresis, whichever is
easiest. Since the adopted Bro cannot legitimately claim to have shared a canal with his Bro,
ARTICLE 89 expressly prohibits the adopted Bro Irom invoking the Sloppy Second clause in
any related Iilings with the International Court oI Bros. Though the mom oI a Bro is always
oII limits, the step-mom oI a Bro is allowed iI she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one
article oI leopard print clothing. II she looks good in it.

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