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LOGICAL STUPIDITY

INNOVATION by navigating through nonsense



(How to direct the meshugganah movies of your mind)

BASED ON REALITY
& INSPIRED BY PROFESSIONAL BULLSHi*T!NG





by Peter Greenwall











LOGICAL STUPIDITY



The 20% FREE-Book


For the full, commercial e-book visit
www.logicalstupidity.com/ebook
or to order a print version
search for the title at www.lulu.com


Copyright ©2007 Peter Greenwall
UK copyright registration number (from UK Copyright Service) 265230
All e-mail enquiries to: info@logicalstupidity.com


ISBN 978-1-84799-193-5






Please Note: This free e-book version consists of
edited extracts from the commercially available e-book.
As a result, the flow (or continuity) has been disrupted.



Table of Contents


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 3 www.logicalstupidity.com
Table of Contents



Table of Contents............................................................................................................... 3
Project Overview................................................................................................................ 5
Book Synopsis: .................................................................................................................. 6
Back of the Book Blurb: IDEAS COME FROM COC-UPS ..................................................... 7
About the Author ................................................................................................................ 8
How To Use This E-book & What’s In It For You .................................................................. 9
Other Keywords You May Want to Search For ................................................................... 12
Glossary.......................................................................................................................... 13
Songlist ........................................................................................................................... 33
Copyright & Disclaimers ................................................................................................... 34
Terms & Conditions.......................................................................................................... 36
16 Reasons for Getting Involved ....................................................................................... 39
So What Is It Exactly? ...................................................................................................... 40
All 32 Chapters Summarised............................................................................................. 42
............. 55 1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song
............................................... 63 2. The History Of Professional Bullshitting / PAFYAFFING
................................................... 65 3. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code – Dreams 'n' Aspirations
........................................................ 68 4. The Two Trains of Thought – Circle & Destination
....................................................................... 69 5. Mental GPS – Follow Your Fascination
........................................................................ 77 6. Guessedge – Knowledge In Progress
............................................................................................. 78 7. The Movie of Your Mind
............................................... 91 8. Observational Innovation – Turning Jokes into Products
......................................... 95 9. Chasing the Unknown – UNcommon KNowledge you OWN
10. Clintonian Metaphysics – Redefine the World to Suit You............................................. 96
11. The Sky’s Not The Limit; Your Principles Are – Upgrade Them! ...................................101
12. The Meshugganah Matrix..........................................................................................105
13. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath.....................................................................106
14. Parafrazing – The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers...............................................110
15. Pop Song Poetry – The Rehash Part of The Equation.................................................125
16. Reframe The Mundane – Remix!ng the Melodies of Life..............................................130
17. 6 Branding Strategies Used in the ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells ...............................134
18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline..............................................................135
19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding.....................................................150
20. Measuring Your Mood Using R&D Therapy ................................................................158
21. Thought Accountancy – Detect, Collect, Connect........................................................160
22. Misinterpreation – Creativity by Denial & Error ............................................................162
23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION....................................................................163
24. How To Get Your Whacky Back.................................................................................168
25. Creative Anxieties & Disorders ..................................................................................170
26. Critics – How To Use Them Constructively.................................................................173
27. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration ...........................................................176
28. Tapping Into The Collective Trashcan ........................................................................179
29. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche.........................................................................180
30. Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky...............................................183
31. Hysterical Accuracy – The Art of Making Stuff Up .......................................................186
32. CapitaLIES – On All Of Them....................................................................................187
Bibliography, Inspiration & Acknowledgements .................................................................188









Project Overview


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 5 www.logicalstupidity.com
Project Overview



Innovation, by tapping into the world’s most abundant natural resource - STUPIDITY:
?¸ ®4☺ O 4′ w.− m© (
Confusion¬ Internal dialogue¬ Ideas¬ Statement¬ Creative expression¬ Reward

Shit happens for a reason – so we can write about it, sing about it and make products
that try to stop it happening.


Logical Stupidity is a formula for making stuff up.

Use it to create innovative products and services, to create original rich content and for
general inspiration and motivation.

Apply the formula by buying the e-book, visiting the website or attending a seminar.
You can also unleash your creative potential by watching a business school musical.


Included in the commercial e-book (this is the 20% free version):

For Business: 269 innovative products

For Showbiz: 61 songs, 80 short songs for you to finish, 451 comedy sketches, 300
stand-up shticks, 43 TV show pitches, 31 movie pitches, 602 cartoons, photo's &
illustrations

25 legislations to combat the latest offensive trends

18 new disorders to tap into and use as inspiration

217 inspiration devices that were directly responsible for all of the above


How do you interact with the e-book & website?

By using prescribed keywords, you find something you’d like to design, sing, present,
act in or invest in, and then you JUST DO IT – upload your version at
www.logicalstupidity.com. (See ‘16 reasons for getting involved’.)

It’s all about INNOVATION - sharing new ideas into existence, sharing profits, mutual
promotion, and auditioning for a stage show!

Or at the very least it’s about getting inspiration for your own projects.


Book Synopsis


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 6 www.logicalstupidity.com
Book Synopsis:




Logical Stupidity deals with the psychology, theory and practice of innovation.

The theory is based on a unique formula that converts stupidity, the world’s
most abundant natural resource, into creative energy.

By celebrating your dysfunctions rather than trying to cure them, Logical Stupidity
offers a unique style of creative therapy for managing thoughts, feelings, brand names
and relationships. *

By making up your own answers to everything that makes no sense to you, you’re
heading into the unknown, claiming it as your own and creating something that never
existed before – the essence of innovation.

This book helps you achieve the above by revealing how dysfunction, humour, fantasy
and professional bullshitting all play a vital role in the creation of ART – Automatic
Radical Thoughts – the essential ingredients of all 1878 projects in this book. You're
welcome to get involved by uploading your own versions at www.logicalstupidity.com
or, if nothing grabs you, then use the formula to create your own songs, movies,
artworks, products and services.

An in-depth look at how the universal idea factory works, this is an instruction manual
for using your internal dialogue as an inventing machine.



* This phrase is taken from Kjell Nordstrom – professor at the
Institute of International Business.



He cites the ‘feminisation’ of society as a key factor driving change. “There is
this shift going on from West to East. Manufacturing, production, programming
will be in China and India. We will be left with managing thoughts, feelings,
brand names, relationships – stuff that you cannot touch. Feminine attributes.”








From: “Be brave, be creative, be original and get down to funky business” –
an article in The Times by Jon Ashworth (Business/Finance Journalist of the
Year 2005).




‘Funky Business’ is by Kjell Nordstrom and Jonas Ridderstrale.





Back of the Book Blurb: IDEAS COME FROM COC-UPS


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 7 www.logicalstupidity.com
Back of the Book Blurb:
IDEAS COME FROM COC-UPS


?¸ ®4☺ O 4′ w.− m© (
Confusion¬ Internal dialogue¬ Ideas¬ Statement¬ Creative expression¬ Reward


We know that ideas can come from anywhere, but how do they select you as a target?
Is it by random chance or can you do something specific to cause 'gapcidents'?
(Happy accidents where stupidity collides with logic to form solutions & new ideas.)


Having just returned from a tour of the universal idea factory (3 years of navel
gazing), I’m happy to report that there are 217 specific things you can do to ‘get
ideas’. They all involve navigating through nonsense and positioning yourself at the
Centre Of Confusion inside a Universal Problem - The COC-UP - where multiple fields
connect for you to claim the unknown, i.e.


IF YOU’RE OUT OF WHACK, YOU’RE RIGHT ON TRACK!

SO WHAT’S YOUR DYSFUNCTION? CRANK IT UP AND CAPITALISE ON IT!


How? Through R&D creative therapy you’re going to Rehash & Disguise your
frustrations and sell them using different media. So instead of temper tantrums and
anxiety attacks you’re going to hang up your hang-ups as art. Instead of ranting to
anyone who’ll listen, you’re going to set your misery to comedy & music and bitch
about it to the beat. Or if things aren’t how you’d like them to be, then you’re going to
bridge the gap by designing a gadget.


Since you can’t find solutions unless you have problems, confusion, disillusion,
uncertainty, the unknown - stupidity - this is what we’re searching for.


Logical Stupidity is a mapbook with 217 ways to find unlikely places – which is where
all the movies, products, pictures & songs in this book come from.


This book will open your mind to at least 3000 new possibilities –

or your money back!


About the Author


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 8 www.logicalstupidity.com
About the Author








Peter Greenwall is a composer, songwriter, sound tech & errorthoughtical engineer.
He has no official credentials in making stuff up, which is why he’s qualified to write a
book about making stuff up without any credentials. If you believe that solutions &
ideas can come from unlikely places then keep reading – you don’t get much more
unlikely than this guy.

www.logicalstupidity.com

(See for a slightly more professional CV.)





How To Use This E-book & What's In It For You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 9 www.logicalstupidity.com
How To Use This E-book
& What’s In It For You


"SEARCH" the applicable keyword or symbol to navigate to your field of
interest.
(Press Ctrl+F or COMMAND+F on your keyboard and either copy & paste the
keyword or symbol into the Find box, or type the keyword in.)
(The numbers in brackets are the items in the Free-book, relative to the commercial
book.)


1) THE FORMULA FOR INNOVATION:
Use keyword ‘sparx’ or search for O to find 41 of 217 inspiration devices.

Directed at: anyone who needs a catalyst for creation. That could be for solving a
problem, to cure writer’s block, to generate new ideas for new products & services or
just general motivation and opening your mind to new possibilities.
All devices were used to create the following:


2) NEW PRODUCTS keyword: ‘produx’ (112 of 269)

Directed at: product developers, entrepreneurs, investors, marketers, R&D
departments. You can also search for sponsorship opportunities (87) using keyword
‘sponsor’. This would be a product placement opportunity for your own products in
the upgraded ebook, website, stage show & movie.


3) COMEDY SKETCHES keyword: ‘MMovies’ or m (67 of 451)
These are the meshugganah movies of my mind that now require your production,
so I’m handing it over to you. Get together with fellow actors to produce and upload
your own version of my take.

Directed at: actors, directors, writers and moviemakers looking to develop new
material. Search for keyword ‘dilog’ or to find short dialogues begging for you to
finish them your own way.


4) STAND UP COMEDY SHTICKS keyword: ‘shtix’ or { (37 of 300)
These are monologues that act as links between sketches and songs.

Directed at: comedians, actors and presenters.
Learn a shtick then present it your way.
You’re also welcome to use them as audition monologues – just quote the source!


How To Use This E-book & What's In It For You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 10 www.logicalstupidity.com





5) COMPLETE SONGS keyword: ‘lyrix’ (61)

Directed at: singers, songwriters, music producers, song agents, publishers,
managers and record companies.
45 songs are recorded, produced and ready to be downloaded.

Singers – Download the vocal version, together with the backing track, then upload
your own version in your own unique style – i.e. GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX!
Video yourself performing the song live – from your bedroom, studio or at your gig.
You should also upload an mp3 file for a better quality recording.

Producers – Redo any song however you like.




6) UNFINISHED SONGS keyword: 'ADDsong' or e. (11 of 80)
Find short attention span songs using the keyword.

Directed at: songwriters and producers looking for inspiration.
These are the seeds of new songs that you can either develop into 3-minute songs or
produce just as they are – ADD or short attention span songs.




7) MOVIE IDEAS keyword: ‘MoviePitch’ or w (10 of 31)

Directed at: moviemakers & producers.




8) TV SHOW IDEAS keyword: ‘TVshow’ or . (5 of 41)

Directed at: TV producers, moviemakers and actors.
Shows will be broadcast directly from this website.








How To Use This E-book & What's In It For You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 11 www.logicalstupidity.com




9) GRAPHIC ART, PRODUCT DESIGN, CARTOONS & PHOTOS (24 of 602)
Use keyword ‘PiX’ to find all pictures that require your production.
More specifically search for:
> = cartoon required.
'grafix' = computer graphic required.
¤= photo required.
® = pic from my collection. Use as inspiration to create your own version.
¯ = pic from the web that serves as an example. Use it as inspiration. If I know the
source, I use a direct link to the author’s web site. If I don’t know who the author is, I
use keywords and you need to find the images yourself:
Copy and paste the keywords I’ve provided into the ‘images’ section of Google to refer
to the picture – e.g. inserting ‘leapdog’ into Google images brings up multiple images
of a sheepdog jumping over a sheep, leapfrog style.
If you own this picture then this would be an opportunity to add a direct link to your
site in future editions of this e-book.
= Instead of a bibliography at the end, I’ve inserted citations in the body of the
text so you can instantly click on links or insert keywords into search engines.
m = all movie clips are also photo opportunities.




10) NEW LAWS keyword: ‘newrule’ (2 of 25)

Directed at: governments and citizens in the interest of making the world a better
place.




11) NEW DISORDERS keyword: ‘new disorder’ (15 of 18)

Directed at: myself mostly, because I have all of them, but you may want to check to
see if you have any of these disorders caused by various creative issues. Why?
Once you know you have them you can get them to work for you. How so?


IF YOU’RE OUT OF WHACK YOU’RE RIGHT ON TRACK!


Other Keywords You May Want to Search For


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 12 www.logicalstupidity.com
Other Keywords
You May Want to Search For





Law / legal / principles (250)
Universe / existential / metaphysical / internal dialogue (231)
God / Religion (157)
Celeb / Heat Magazine / gossip / Big Brother (135)
Marketing / branding (116)
Global Warming / climate crisis (89)
Simpsons (84)
Just4Jews – Jewish humour (75)
Schmoozing / networking (60)
Larry David / Seinfeld / CYE (47)
Fart (39)
Terror /ism (32)
Leader /ship (30)
Einstein (16)
Evel Kneidel – The halachically incorrect Jewish stuntman (21)


Also see ‘TV shows cited’ and ‘Companies cited as examples of innovation’ (in
the bibliography section).


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 13 www.logicalstupidity.com
Glossary





Navigation through nonsense (Errorthoughtical Space Travel) involves travelling into
unknown territory of our thoughtmosphere, which can only be done through a glossary
of new words. As this is both confusing and dangerous, please read the warning
before continuing:




errorthoughtical space travel WARNING

Navigating through nonsense is a fast and thrilling ride requiring courage,
stupidity and your own SPQV: Self-Propelled Question Vehicle.

If you’re sane, or suspect you might be sane, you should not ride.

The SPQV is powered by curiosity, a fuel made by burning aspiration and
emotion that splits your thoughts to create emotional instability. If you have
clearly defined principles, or you know how the universe works,
you should not ride.

Be aware that as we enter undiscovered territories of insight, bright flashes of
brilliance will definitely occur.

You should also be aware that while inner space travel is just as fascinating as
outer space travelling, it's also just as dangerous - things can go horribly wrong
on re-entry back to the physical world and should you make it,
everything will be different.

For up-to-date travel information, read Chapter 9: Chasing the Unknown.

Please secure all loose thoughts and feelings as the management will not be
held responsible for any loss or damage to your current belief system.

No eating or drinking.

Enjoy the ride.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 14 www.logicalstupidity.com
Glossary of Logical Stupidity Buzzwords

Acrobuzzanym: an acronym that’s also a pronounceable buzzword – e.g. FABOL –
Fashionable Adjective Based On Lifestyle.

ANOID (new disorder): Absolutely Nowhere as a result of an Overactive Imagination
Disorder.

ANSWER: that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R.
The chasing of this unknown causes the flow of information & new ideas to happen.

Artificial Inseminovation: used for those who’d like to have ideas but can’t.

ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells.

ASOWL TAX: Altruistic Sense Of Wellbeing & Love TAX (Carbon Offset Tax).
A system of throwing money at the problem to make you feel less guilty about
destroying the planet (produx).

BackWord Thinking: a thinking style that uses words taken from the way things are
and how you’ve always done them. The opposite would be ForWord Thinking –
using words taken from the way you’d like things to be. Both styles are essential for
the Meshugganah Matrix to work.

BIAS: Belief In A Solution.

Blockaphobia (new disorder): fear of writer's block.

Breaking Muse: the latest inspiring mystery, which could come from any source –
news, movies, reality TV, text, e-mail forward, a media spectacle, facebook, etc.
Whatever the source it’s usually addictive, which is why you’ve become an infomaniac.

BS: Believable Story, Belief System, Business Strategy, Better Suggestion, Bum Suck.

Buzzkeys: new products derived by combining buzzwords and / or keywords – e.g.
Yogalingus – a workout for your mind, body & tongue (produx).
Cockalabradoodle – new crossbreed.
Bullshit – combination of a bulldog and shitsu.
Wrestleblading – wrestling and rollerblading (produx).
Riggling – wrestling that’s so obviously rigged it’s been choreographed to
music. Not only that, it’s combined with flamingo wrestling, so you have hot
abes wrestling with each other in oil – in time to the music (produx). b
Fongo drumming – combination of finger and bongo drumming (produx).
Acrobuzzanym – acronyms and buzzwords combined e.g. FABOL –
Fashionable Adjective Based On Lifestyle.
(Also see ‘Tradels’ & ‘Pop Song Poetry’.)


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 15 www.logicalstupidity.com

Careography: choreographed caring – essential for leaders who need to turn a crisis
into an opportunity. See FOK-U: Façade Of Kindness & Understanding.

Celebritunity: business opportunity created by celebrities – e.g. The PoshUp Bra™.
See Chart 2 for more examples.

CEWTBL (pronounced ‘suitable’): Common Experience Waiting To Be Labelled.

Example 1: OOPS – I notice my penis shrivels up when it gets cold. Is this a
CEWTBL? YES! It’s so common that Seinfeld called it ‘Shrinkage’.

Example 2: While watching a movie you see an actor that you know you’ve seen
in something else, but you don’t know his name or the other thing he’s been in.
Is this a CEWTBL? If so, then label it – e.g. ‘UFA – Unidentified Familiar Actor’.

Example 3: OOPS – The guy I'm living with is not the same guy who used to
chase me with chocolates and flowers, teach me tennis and generally sweep me
off my feet. Now he never wants to go anywhere or do anything fun. Is this a
CEWTBL? Yes, but it’s already been labelled by Dr Phil – ‘The Bait & Switch’, so
now you have to rename it by writing a song, which is how I came up with the
song ‘He’s Only a Man’.

Clintonian Metaphysics: the act of redefining reality to suit yourself. Named after
Bill Clinton who did not have sexual relations with that woman but found an alternative
use for a cigar. This is exactly how innovation happens!
All that’s left is to name your new invention:
The Cigarildo™

– the executive privilege toy [see book for details on other ‘execs
toys’].

Other examples:
‘This is not a bribe. This is me taking you to lunch.’
‘This is not the government lying to the public – this is doing what’s best for the
national interest.’
‘I’m not fat. I’ve overcome my battle with anorexia.’

COCK-UP: Collection Of Common Knowledge & Universal Problems.

COC-UP: Centre Of Controversy inside Unipersonal Problems.

Comedianism: a religion designed to convert knowledge into guessedge – i.e. to
subvert everything sacred & proven in order to see the funny side of everything and
discover new places, products & movies.

Contexporting: exporting content into another context.

CopyOScomy: the process of adopting an operating system and adapting it to suit
yourself.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 16 www.logicalstupidity.com
Crisatunity: opportunities created by crisis – e.g.

Crisis: Global Warming
Opportunity 1: show how green you are by paying carbon offset tax or ASOWL
TAX: Altruistic Sense Of Wellbeing & Love TAX: A system of throwing money at
the problem to make you feel less guilty about destroying the planet (produx).
Opportunity 2: POO TAX – Personal Ozone Offset Tax: A system of taxing
individuals according to the amount of ozone they’re destroying, rather than
unilateral taxing.
e.g. POO meters in aeroplane seats could measure the level to which individuals
are destroying the ozone. That would be displayed on a meter above your seat
and you could be charged accordingly (produx).
Opportunity 3: The Batterari™ – a battery powered, ego friendly, hybrid sports
car (produx).

Crisis: Racism
Opportunity 1: a concession stand at a rock concert encouraging people to
‘Bungee Jump Against Racism’ (produx).
Opportunity 2: ‘Crash’ the movie.

Crisis: Foxhunting – it’s cruel to kill foxes.
Opportunity: Foxpaint™ – even the multicoloured foxes are happy (produx).
Paintball combines with foxhunting to solve the foxhunting dilemma.

Crisis: Hurricane Katrina
Opportunity: ‘step right up folks – the tour of America’s greatest catastrophe.’

Critophobia (new disorder): fear of criticism of any sort.

D 'n' A: Dreams 'n' Aspirations that have to be encoded to find your purpose.

DuMBLBIT DILEMMA: Does My Bum Look Big In This?
The solution has been found – buy the book to find out what it is.

EAD: Easily Amused Disorder – this is only a disorder from the perspective of other
people who’d like you to curb your enthusiasm. You, however, experience the
sensation of living in a sitcom where you’re the star of the show!

Editorial Licence: licence granted to news editors, scriptwriters and authors of
content to lie or tell the truth, whichever is more interesting. In accordance with the
principles of the Hippocritic Oath you may:
1) Compare the incomparable
2) Challenge your subject by questioning motives and tearing down dreams
3) Provide worst-case scenarios
4) GO MAAD: Use any Multiple Angle Attack Device
5) Ask rhetorical questions and split as many hairs as you like
6) Cherry-pick your edited highlights
7) Or use any other device in keeping with the good faith of the
Hippocritic Oath.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 17 www.logicalstupidity.com
EOX!: Eye Opening Experience; the big EUREKA!

Errorthoughtical Space Travel: travelling through the inner space of your mind
that happens by combining pseudo with science, or fantasy with fact, to create
factasies: the act of riding rumours or jumping on your own conclusions based on little
evidence in order to find unexplored territory.

Evel Kneidel: Jewish stuntman who performs halachically incorrect stunts. You’ll
have to buy the book to see what they are.

Existential Innovation: the act of bringing new things into existence by trying to
find the meaning of life, not being able to, but building something with your subjective
conclusion anyway.

Name: Existential Innovation.
Catchphrase: If it doesn’t exist – make it!
Song: X! Involves jumping on assumptions based on very little evidence and
riding them all the way:

e.g. OOPS: Why does David Letterman mock Dr Phil for pulling advice out of his
arse but not Steven Spielberg for doing the same thing with his ideas?

Conclusion: I’m jumping to (based on this hairline of evidence): It’s expected
in the movie biz - not in the psychology biz.

Riding this conclusion all the way:
Whether you’re giving advice, writing a script, business plan, mortgage deal,
psychological disorder, pop song, press release, scientific theory, whatever –
they all involve the same creative process:
taking ownership of the mysterious unknown, the gift with which you can do
anything you like. For example, this phenomenon of Pulling Advice From Your
Ass(pirations) For FINancial Gain is called PAFYAFFING.

Once you’ve dreamed up a name, nature works in mysterious ways – as you
start fabricating a story to explain your name, the evidence magically presents
itself, to the point where the name brings the product into existence.

FABOL: Fashionable Adjective Based On Lifestyle.
Why add value when all you need is an adjective?
e.g. By hopping on the ‘green’ bandwagon you can sell anything: Dolphin friendly cars,
eco-friendly movies, ego-friendly hybrid sports cars, organic cellphones, biodegradable
computers, carbon neutral Sky TV, green British Gas, fairtrade perfume or fairtrade
lesbian pornography – where all actresses were paid a minimum of $1000 per scene,
so no exploitation going on here.
[Some of these are already happening – see if you can guess which ones.]

FFAF: celebrities Famous For Absolutely Fluffall.
In contrast to role models who live out dreams that we couldn’t possibly hope to
achieve, FFAFs live out our most cringe worthy nightmares so we don’t have to. Their
role is clear: to serve as warning beacons and to make complete twats of themselves
in public for our entertainment pleasure.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 18 www.logicalstupidity.com

FFAF Disorder (new disorder): the opposite of FOBAN is FFAF Disorder, experienced
by those who’ve become famous or who want to be famous for reasons unrelated to
their inherent talent. Since the fame is based entirely on external approval, sufferers
feel their fame could disappear at any stage, which is why they feel the need to
constantly seek attention.

FIB: Fill In Blanks.

FIBing: the act of Filling In Blanks to explain the unexplainable with Believable
Stories, Belief Systems, Business Strategies and various other Bum Sucks collectively
known as BS.

Flexigram: a word, phrase or picture that connects your idea to the idea you need to
connect to. For example:
Wantasee: that which you wantasee.
Guessedge: knowledge in progress.
Chocorette™: chocolate substitute for those trying to quit.
£$€: London Stock Exchange.
Nateral Thinking: thinking that’s automatically lateral, which is why you don’t
have to think about it. So don’t.

FOBAN (new disorder): Fear Of Being A Nobody.

FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding.
An essential attitude for effective leadership, marketing and product innovation.
(See Chart 3 for examples.)

ForWord Thinking: using words taken from the way you’d like things to be. As
opposed to BackWord Thinking – using words taken from the way things are and
how you’ve always done them. Both thinking styles are essential for the Meshugganah
Matrix to work.

Gapcident: the point where logic collides with stupidity to bridge the gap. They’re
caused by accidents and crises that always lead to confusion, followed by new ideas.

Guessedge: knowledge under construction; inner knowledge created by the
rehashing & disguising of information rushing in to fill the knowledge vacuum.

Guessedge is uploaded back to the thoughtmosphere by way of self-expression
– e.g. personal opinion, blog, photograph, cartoon, song, movie, graffiti, dance,
etc.

When your guessedge is believable, ordinary bullshit turns into professional
bullshit and your crazy ideas start to sound not so crazy anymore as they turn
into marketable products.

This is the magical moment when dreams become reality, when the
metaphysical turns into the physical, when subjectivity turns to objectivity and
when guessedge turns into knowledge to bring about new realities.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 19 www.logicalstupidity.com

Hippocritic Oath: the oath undertaken by all artists and authors. I promise:
1) To make as much money as I possibly can.
2) To pretend to follow some higher aspiration.
3) To be thoroughly entertaining as I reveal the true colours of my chosen
subject.

By taking the oath I am allowed to lie or tell the truth – whichever satisfies the above
criteria. See ‘Editorial Licence’.

Hysterical Accuracy: the creative device of prioritising ‘interesting’ over ‘factual’,
as used in movies that carry the disclaimer: ‘some of the characters' names and
certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes’.

IDIOTS: Institutions for Decisions Involving Organisation & Temporary Solutions.
IDIOTS rule the planet.

Insanity Quotient (IQ): level to which you’re doing something so original you’re
considered insane. IQ is driven by obsessive passion following.

Inspirageology: the study of inspiration and imagination. The study asks and
answers the following questions:
1) Who or what is providing the stimulus that’s creating everything?
2) How does information flow from a stimulus to a receiver?
3) How does information from the past connect with information from the
future?
4) How and why do you act as a medium for unrelated ideas to connect to
form new ideas?
5) How do you play your part in designing the future?

i.e. How exactly does the creative process work?

Inspiraygialism: the art of copying other people’s ideas in such a way that nobody
notices; the rehashing and disguising of existing ideas so that they lead to way better
ideas – your own; the direct result of evolution merging with incremental innovation.

Interpreation: creative interpretation where a new message is found in translation.
See 'Misinterpreation’.

KICK: Keep It Complex Klutz – essential for Simplexity: the art of keeping things
complex enough to make you an authority, yet simple enough to understand.

Knowledge Vacuum: confusing situation brought on by an OOPS: Observation Of
Pure Stupidity. See ‘Osknowsis’.

Lashonhafreude: the intense pleasure taken from embellishing and spreading
gossip. (Hebrew & German origin.)


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 20 www.logicalstupidity.com


Logical Stupidity: "Logical Stupidity" is a formula for innovation that converts
stupidity, the world’s most abundant resource, into creative energy.
By defining stupidity as the difference between what other people are doing and what
you think is a better idea, you create a highly volatile fuel that drives innovation.

Your desire to narrow the gap between how things are and how you’d like them to be
not only drives innovation, it also drives you crazy. Use your craziness and you’re
tapping into the same formula running our luniverse, where opposite extremes are
part of the same process:

Nonsense: that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R

Vs.

Logic: that which makes sense TO YOU i.e. the ANSWER

The answer can always be found in the nonsense-revealing question – e.g. nonsense
to Homer Simpson: ‘Why does everything I whip keep leaving me?’
Or nonsense discovered at Intel: Why are we using men in spacesuits to build
microchips? What if we used robots? Couldn’t we shrink the size of the chip, improve
overall performance and increase production? ANSWER – yes!

Both the logical and the stupid are included in the formula since opposing forces are
part of the creative process. To see both sides you have to zoom a little further out,
to the point where you observe harmonious dysfunction or ‘the workable cock-up’ –
e.g.

News report: Farting cows are blowing holes through the ozone faster than CO2
emissions from cars. What does this mean? MacDonald’s, by taking out the
cows, are actually doing their bit to save the planet. And you can help by
eating more burgers!

This is logical stupidity on level one: idiotic humour. But it’s from this vantage point
that you’re able to see real solutions to real problems – e.g. the use of methane gas as
a source of energy to run trains, which is already happening.

Or if you’re a scriptwriter you might see an opportunity to create an animated global
warming awareness movie where a herd of cows take over the world using their fart
power…in Cattlestar Ballactica.

This is logical stupidity in action, where humour plays a vital part of the creative
process.


LOITGAN (new disorder): Lots Of Ideas That Go Absolutely Nowhere.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 21 www.logicalstupidity.com

MADD (new disorder): Musical Attention Deficit Disorder.

Meshugganah Matrix: inspiration device designed to bridge the gap between your
crazy ideas and what the market wants.

It works by splitting your thoughts in relation to a specific problem so you can
break things down to make more things up.

Just as splitting atoms creates nuclear energy, splitting thoughts creates
thought volatility, or logical stupidity, which is the fuel required to propel your
SPQV (Self-Propelled Question Vehicle) through the thoughtmosphere.
The Meshugganah Matrix splits your thoughts by using both ForWord and
BackWord thinking. Why would you need to think BackWords? To complicate
things deliberately.

For example:
• You’ve got your tagline, now you need the business plan.
• You’ve got an idea for a comedy sketch, but it has to fill 22 minutes of airtime.
• You’ve got your punch line, now you need the joke.
• You’ve got the title of your song, now you need the verse & chorus.
• You’ve got the title of your book, now you need the chapters & buzzwords.
• You’ve got your verdict / foregone conclusion, now you need to make the case.
• You’ve got your sound bite or headline, now you need to write the article.
• You’ve got your universal theory, now you need to gather more evidence.
• You’ve made your point, now you need to shut up and prove it.

The matrix doesn’t only generate new ideas but connects all the ideas you
already have on file by using the KICK principle: Keep It Complex Klutz.
Why? Because there’s no money in simplicity!

• That’s why it takes a 70-page contract just to say ‘don’t rip me off’.
• That’s why it takes an entire bible to pad out The Ten Commandments.
• That’s why it takes a whole newspaper to pad out the events of the day even if
nothing much happened.
• That’s why it takes an entire episode of CSI to solve a murder mystery.
• That’s why it takes a self-help seminar just to say: ‘Get your shit together’.
• This is why it took my therapist 2 years and £4000 to figure out that I have
serious issues with my mother. I could have told her that myself.
• That’s why it took 320 pages for Edward Debono to describe how to keep it
simple, in his book called: ‘Simplicity’.

Pure genius, all of it.

Why does it happen? Because there is no money in simplicity.

How does it happen? Simple. Keep it Complex, using Simplexity.



Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 22 www.logicalstupidity.com
Metafriction: metaphysical friction caused by ART: Automatic Reverse Thinking – i.e.
for every thought there’s an equal and opposite thought.

Just as physical friction is required for human reproduction, metaphysical friction is
required for idea reproduction. (See ‘Paradox of Entertainment’ for further
explanation.)

Examples of metafriction:

1) Humour always revolves around problems, nightmares and dysfunction –
e.g. Simpsons, My Name Is Earl, Malcolm in the Middle, Little Miss Sunshine,
CNN and other tragically funny black comedies.

2) Comedy to you is offensive to someone else – e.g. Borat’s victims.

3) As dangerous and as hurtful as it is to laugh at other people’s crazy
thoughts, beliefs and actions, they also make the funniest jokes.

4) As dangerous and hurtful as rumours are, they’re just as much fun to
spread.

5) Private, embarrassing information, once released = hysterical information.
For example, you wouldn’t tell anyone that you once called down to
reception to complain that the lesbian porn channel wasn’t working, would
you? That’s just embarrassing.

6) ‘You can eat any fruit in the Garden of Eden except the apple.’
So what does Adam do?

7) Reverse psychology.

8) Your mother may have been overjoyed about your birth, but you were so
furious you screamed your head off.

9) The people you love the most also hurt you the most.

10) ‘Other people’s good fortune is upsetting’ – Larry David, explaining the title
of Curb Your Enthusiasm. And conversely:

11) Other people’s nightmares are joy for the news business:
• ‘Murdered Lawyer’s Fiancée: My Grief’ The Evening Standard - 29/11/06
• ‘The mind of a killer’ (Seung-Hui Cho) Newsweek, April 30 /07
• ‘Mother’s anguish as toddler abducted from holiday resort’ - May 07
• ‘Maddy died in hotel room - police’ Evening Standard - 7/8/07
• ‘Britney in Crisis’ Heat Magazine - October 07

12) You can’t find solutions unless you have problems and you can’t generate
more problems unless you’re confident you’ve found the solution!

13) There can be no good without evil, no triumph without adversity, no life
without death, no success without failure, no hits without flops, no
innovative solutions without problems and no logic without stupidity.
(Now do you get the title of the book?)


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 23 www.logicalstupidity.com



Misinterpreation: caused by denial and error – which leads to missing the point
entirely and ending up in a way more interesting place than the intended message.
Can also have destructive consequences. There are 12 factors causing it, one of them
being Punlexia.

MUSAFID (new disorder): Making Up Stupid Acronyms For Invented Disorders.

Mystonomy: the practice of labelling your confusion in order to make it feel normal;
the practice of converting personal problems into products.

Long answer: mystonomy, the taxonomy of mysteries – the science of
identifying, classifying and labelling confusion to make it feel normal. It works
by creating awareness: once you’ve got a name, it becomes easier to manage
because that’s the only way others have a chance to identify with the same
experience.

And once you create a group of sufferers all bitching about the same thing,
you’ve got safety in numbers, which leads to an exponential catch-on because
there’s no better way to deal with misery than spreading it around a bit.

Examples:

• Why do I feel the need to chase supermodels and buy sports cars even
though I’m married with kids? That’s a ‘mid-life crisis’.
• How do we make it cool to be old? ‘40 is the new 20.’
• Why do I feel depressed? That’s ‘depression’.
• How come I don’t fall off the planet? That’s ‘gravity’.
• Why am I thoroughly bored at work? That’s boreout, discovered and tagged
by Peter Werder.
• Why does my penis shrink when it gets cold? That’s shrinkage, by Jerry
Seinfeld.
• Why don’t we have better-looking hybrid cars? We do now: ‘The Batterari’
by me.

This brings up the point of why mystonomy is an innovation tool. When you
reach a point where there are no answers, or you’re not satisfied with the
answers that exist – invent your own!

Nateral Thinking: lateral is natural. Without thinking we have the ability to
assemble information from multiple sources. Natural Thinking happens by
Osknowsis.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 24 www.logicalstupidity.com

Observational Innovation: the practice of turning punch lines into taglines – i.e.
observations into innovative products.

With observational humour, the comedy comes from reflecting reality – e.g.
have you tried dating online? Ever notice how all 3 pictures of your fantasy
partner look nothing like the one you meet?
That’s your OOPS: Observation Of Pure Stupidity – i.e. you are reflecting
reality.

With observation innovation you go one step further and actually change reality
by doing something about your observation – you invent a product that solves
the problem:
Introducing »FutureFoto™ – what your Internet date will actually look like.

Turns out that the difference between humour and innovation is simply a matter
of functionality: does the joke product work? If it does, your punch line
becomes a product that will make you laugh all the way to the bank.

OI (new disorder): Overactive Imagination.

OOPS: Observation Of Pure Stupidity – the first step of the innovation process. These
are questions triggered by that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R and
which contain the answer to everything.

For example:
• Why do people walk backwards in horror movies?
• What’s the speed of dark?
• What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a monster?
• If this ain't love, why does it feel so good?
• How does the creative process work?
• Why are we using men dressed in spacesuits to build microchips? What if we
used robots? Couldn’t we shrink the size of the chip, improve overall
performance and increase production? (Questions asked by engineers at Intel.)

Osknowsis: the flow of information from a high concentration (everything you know)
to a low concentration (confusion).

If the flow is sudden you’ll experience the sensation of laughing caused by an
EOX! (Eye Opening Experience).

It’s triggered by Gapcidents (accidents that lead to the discovery of solutions)
and by searching for answers to that which makes Absolutely No Sense
Whatso Ev R – i.e. THE ANSWER.

By staying curious you constantly create multiple knowledge vacuums or
Observations Of Pure Stupidity (the ‘OOPS’) into which thoughts from different
fields have no choice but to flow and connect, to form new ideas, which are
hybrid molecules of information that are no longer equal to the sum of their
parts.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 25 www.logicalstupidity.com

Paradox Of Entertainment: we’re drawn towards the DANGEROUS:
Disgusting Addictive Natural Gruesome Eccentric Risky Offensive Unique Sad.

Examples:

1) ‘Oh my god, that is sick, disgusting, twisted and offensive – I love it!’
2) ‘E-mail forwards are nothing but a waste of time; a total abuse of bandwidth;
keep ‘em coming!’

3) ‘This booger from my nose is a fascinating design. If it were an e-mail
attachment I would forward it to everyone on my list.’

4) Das Crazy Sex Show?! Other people’s perverted sex lives are apparently
fascinating.

5) Double car pileup on the highway – you just can’t look away.

6) A deadly virus magnified is a magnificent artwork of nature.

7) You can’t have a hero without a disaster. (Just like you can’t have war movies
without wars.)

AIDS is the subject of award-winning films, TV shows and musicals.

If the Titanic never sank it wouldn’t have been turned into the highest grossing
movie of all time.

If 9/11 didn’t happen, if school kids didn’t murder their classmates at school, if
the American healthcare system wasn’t a mess, political hero’s couldn’t emerge
to save the day and documentary makers like Michael Moore wouldn’t have any
material to work with.

Ditto for movies dealing with war & genocide that all go under ‘entertainment’.

8) The subject matter of blockbuster movies: volcano’s, tsunami’s, fires, meteor
collisions, earthquakes, as well as man-made chaos: violence, racism,
corruption, family dysfunction.

9) The subject matter of popular news headlines: business, political, sex and
showbiz scandals.

10) The subject matter of reality TV shows.

Parafrazing: the extreme sport that involves jumping on a bandwagon, adding wings
and flying it your own way. (See Chart 2 for examples.)


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 26 www.logicalstupidity.com

Perfect Question: any question leading to answers that make Absolutely No Sense
Whatso Ev R. It’s perfect because from this point you’re free to start coming up with
your own answers.

Signs that you’ve asked the Perfect Question:

‘That’s a good question, I’ll come back to that.’
‘I don’t know.’
‘It’s too early to say.’
‘We don’t know yet.’
‘That’s classified information / executive privilege.’
‘I could tell you but I’d have to kill you.’
‘It’s not my place to answer that question.’
‘No comment.’
‘Shut your face.’
‘That’s all we have time for I’m afraid – this press conference is over.’
‘I need to pee.’
‘We have to go to news & travel but stay on the line.’
‘It’s all in my book.’
[ C ] (No words at all; just a stunned silence, followed by a change of topic.)

PIFYAFFING: Pulling Ideas From Your Asspirations For FINancial Gain. Also known
as PAFYAFFING: Pulling Advice From Your Asspirations For FINancial Gain.

THE 7 HABITS OF PAFYAFFERS / PROFESSIONAL BULLSHITTERS:

Chase that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R: The ANSWER.

Own the Unknown: make up your own answers and you capitalise on
confusion.

Simplicate: keep it complex enough to be an authority and simple enough to
be understood.

Parafraze (= R&D = Rehash & Disguise) i.e. jump on a bandwagon, add
wings & fly it your own way.

Know your STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise.

Schmooze: get people to like you so you can flirt for information.

Pose like a hero/pretend you care: the Façade Of Kindness &
Understanding (FOK-U).

Pole Splitting Question: questions designed to make you answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ so that
you’ll instantly get an opinion. Once that happens you’re more likely to click a
banner ad and make a purchase – e.g.

Should Harry go to Iraq?
Did Heather marry Paul for money?
Are you bored with the climate crisis?

Yes or no? Click here and win a plasma TV.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 27 www.logicalstupidity.com

Pop Song Poetry: a device to help you create new songs and products by combining
2 or more samples from your favourite influences. Here’s how it works:

1) Cut 'n' Paste words from your target influences onto cards.
2) Shuffle the cards, throw them on your desk, read them as they lie and
lie about them as you read.

As you lie about them, you automatically add yourself to the mix:

Applied to songwriting you could take one ‘bum’ from ‘shake ya bum bum’, or
‘touch my bum’, the ‘hey’ from ‘Hey Jude’ or ‘Hey Macarena’, the ‘moon in June’
or a ‘together forever’ from wherever, roll it all into one, like a new improved
mortgage deal, and then:

WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER
WHATEVER I'M GOING ON ABOUT

BOOM SHICKI BUM BUM SHICKI BUM BUM
IS POP SONG SONG POETRY
EVERYBODY HEART LOVE I NEED YOU THE GIRL
DREAM KISS TOGETHER FOREVER
YOU DON’T LOVE ME LIKE I DO OOH OOH

Two types of inventions are possible using PSP: Buzzkeys and Tradels.


Punlexia (new disorder): an auditory processing disorder where the brain searches
for alternative meanings instead of trying to understand the intended meaning. This
often results in a person being accused of not listening properly. There’s no cure, but
since it’s a highly creative disorder you wouldn’t want one anyway. Just follow the
accident. When it comes to playing with words, you’re a phonetic, so follow the songs
and sounds in your head wherever they take you. When your Punlexia impairs your
ability to focus, then follow the spontenudity. By discovering new words, you’re also
discovering new destinations in our thoughtmosphere, which can then be turned into:

Songs: ‘I got soul but I’m not a soldier’ – The Killers
Taglines: ‘Girls just want to have funds’ – Jupiter Asset Management
Newspapers: ‘Vujade News – ahead of its time’ (See section)
Products: ‘The Posh Up Bra’ – coined by the Sun Newspaper (produx)
Products: ‘Jillette, because you like it shaved and wet’ (What? It’s a new
waterproof razor - produx)
Pop Bands: ‘The Showeroke Girls’ – now auditioning: www.logicalstupidity.com
(produx)

This is a permanent fatal error. May the grim rapper take you on a wild
inventure to find your ERRORGENIUS ZONE.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 28 www.logicalstupidity.com
Queue of Indecision: the queue that you stand in all by yourself for as long as it
takes for you to make your mind up about anything. What keeps you standing in this
queue? Freedom of choice and weighing up multiple options:

TOO MANY CHOICES WILL LEAVE YOU WITH NONE
AND YOU’LL FORGET WHAT YOU CAME HERE TO DO
TOO MANY VOICES IN YOUR HEAD WHO DO YOU FOLLOW?
DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST WONDERING THROUGH…

(See commercial e-book for a 6-page ‘Larry David’ style comedy sketch, set in the
‘small electrical appliances’ section of a large department store – starring me drowning
in a sea of multiple options while trying to buy a kettle.)

R&D Therapy: creative therapy that involves the ‘Research & Development’ of your
mind. R&D also involves the ‘Rehashing and Disguising’ of your dysfunctions by
transferring them into a different medium. So instead of them manifesting as temper
tantrums and antisocial behaviour, you explore alternative creative options and…

1) Write them off as scripts for movies.
2) Hang up your hang-ups as artworks.
3) Set your misery to music – bitch about it to the beat.
4) Develop a product – bridge the gap with a gadget.

I.E. IF YOU’RE OUT OF WHACK YOU’RE RIGHT ON TRACK!

R&D therapy doesn’t try to fix your dysfunctions because they’re not supposed to be
fixed. This is nature’s way of creating the luniverse. How do I know for sure?
Well who do you know that isn’t just a little bit whacked out in some way? Exactly.

We’re all Fluffed In The Head (FITH principle of psychology) but not in the same
way:

The slight difference is known as your STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique
Blessing In Disguise.

The objective of R&D therapy is to find them and make them work for you.

Religitunity: business opportunity created by religion. For example:

- Kabbalah: red string bracelets or holy spring water for £3 a pop.
- Kabbelah Cookies™ – With philosophy from the Zohar.
- Falafelosophy™ – Jewish philosophy scrolls inside Falafels.
- Cheryl the Shikse™ – All your Shabbes needs taken care of by Cheryl the
Shapely Shikse.
- Traifish™ – Our GM shellfish have fins & scales and what’s more, we fed
them on our farm, so they’re not scavengers. That means oysters, mussels,
prawns & crayfish – ALL KOSHER!

See Chart 2 for more examples.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 29 www.logicalstupidity.com
RIGS: Random Idea Generating Situations – where all ideas come from.

Rythmagination: state of mental freedom where you allow your mind to flow in the
direction it wants to go in order to make up for what isn’t there.
Essential for taking ownership of the unknown. (YOU OWN THE UNKNOWN.)

Sell de Junk: an everyday object that manages to find a market through the ARTS:
Any Rubbish That Sells. A ‘Sell de Junk’ is a sound-alike of its pioneer, Marcelle
Duchamp, who transplanted a urinal from the men’s loo into an art gallery and called it
‘The Fountain’, not only proving that anything is art, but also that: You can't polish a
turd, but you can frame it, call it something else and put a price tag on it.

Simplexity: the art of keeping things complex enough to make you an authority,
yet simple enough to understand. It works by the KICK principle:

KICK: Keep It Complex Klutz
If you think the best ideas are the simplest, you simply haven’t read the terms &
conditions or the business plan. The big money comes from complicating very simple
ideas. People in the advice business have already figured this one out:

• How much could a consultant or lawyer make from telling you just to
‘do nothing’? Even if it’s the right advice, it would still have to be broken
down into 2 pages to be worth £1000.
• How long would a golf pro stay in business if his professional assessment of
your swing was: ‘you’re shit’? It may well be accurate, but to be worth
anything it would have to be broken down into an hour’s worth of advice.
• Let’s say you were a doctor and I was running a seminar with the title:
‘Should you turn your practice into a limited company?’ How could I charge
£300 if all I said was ‘no, definitely not’? Again, nothing wrong with my
answer; it would just need to take me at least 3 hours to get there.
• Douglas Adams concludes that the meaning of life is 42 and nobody has a
problem with that. Why? Because his answer is attached to a book and
movie’s worth of highly entertaining explanation.

How does it all work? Simple. By complication. And it all happens by way of
THE MESHUGGANAH MATRIX. Now off you go to read about that one.

SKIL: Specialised Knowledge of Intuitive Leadership.
In the same way that you can’t explain how you have access to common knowledge,
you also can’t explain how you have access to your private knowledge or SKIL.

On the top end of the SKIL spectrum you have geniuses who compose
symphonies and build atom bombs and space shuttles. On the other end you
have idiot savants who can barely read, write or learn and yet can calculate
numbers rapidly and figure out what day Chanukah falls in 2040. Regular idiots
can run powerful countries without ever being taught how to do this. How
exactly do they know what they know? The same way that only you know how
to do what you do best, because of the SKIL you’ve taught yourself.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 30 www.logicalstupidity.com
SPQV: Self-Propelled Question Vehicle required for travelling through inner space.

The SPQV is powered by curiosity, a fuel made by burning aspiration and emotion that
splits your thoughts to create emotional instability. You steer your vehicle by asking 3
questions:

1) What do I know?
2) What don’t I know?
And the big moneymaking question:
3) What will nobody ever know?

These questions will take you to a place in the thoughtmosphere where nobody
knows better than you, and from here you’re free to start coming up with your
own answers. How do you know when you get there? See ‘Perfect Question’.
And where exactly are you going? To planet SCLITMOH:

SCLITMOH: Sources Conveniently Lost In The Mist Of History.
To become an authority on any subject, all you need to do is break the argument at a
point where nobody could possible know what happened. This means going back to
any point in time – from when you started reading this sentence to any point in history
that doesn’t quite make sense to you. Like the year zero: how did the abacus and
sundial manage to survive the switchover from BC to AD? Wasn’t there any ‘Y Zero K’
concern that dinosaurs or whatever would fall out the sky? What made the birth of
Jesus significant enough to start a new global calendar? He hadn’t done anything yet!
Shouldn’t we have started counting the years after, say, his 3
rd
miracle? And why
didn’t we start recounting when others performed even bigger miracles? The oil in the
temple was only supposed to last for a day and it lasted for 8. Or how about Moses
parting the Dead Sea? That must have been worthy of a calendar restart, surely. The
Jewish calendar could quite easily have set the global standard. So why didn’t it?
Are there any other celebrity birthdays we should be celebrating with a festive season?
David Blaine was in that block of ice for, what, 3 days? And that must have been like
his 10
th
miracle or something. The Beatles performed all kinds of miracles, like selling
more albums than any other band in history. Maybe John Lennon was right and the
Beatles were bigger than Jesus, but does that make him calendar worthy? How about
Aby Titmuss? She’s famous for what exactly? That’s a miracle. We could be wishing
each other an Aby Titmuss every February the 8
th
. We wouldn’t even have to change
the tune: ‘I wish you were Aby Titmuss but fat free with beer’.

You see how this works? Once you arrive on the metaphysical planet of
SCLITMOH, you’re free to start inventing any story you like, because on this
planet nobody knows for sure. As long as we don’t know where we come from,
there will always be a planet SCLITMOH.

SCLITMOH and MIF (Mysterious Invisible Forces) together make up the
metaphysical ‘connective tissue’ between all thoughts of humans, dead or alive,
as well as plants, animals and things we don’t even know about, because
they’re on distant galaxies where space, time, gravity and words don’t exist.
Even thoughts from the origin of the luniverse are still ‘in orbit’ in our
thoughtmosphere. Humans are not the only things capable of thinking. In fact,
one of those things accidentally thought of this particular luniverse, which is
why we’re here.


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 31 www.logicalstupidity.com

STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise.

We’re all a bit @£$% in the head; it’s just a matter of how. The slight difference
between us is what makes up our STUBID. That blessing in disguise is the unique way
in which only you can make connections or screw things up:

• On being asked if you take this woman to be your wife, you say: ‘Computer says
no.’
• At a cellphone shop you ask if a Bluetooth headset will work with your Blackberry.
• You go for anal bleaching because ‘you only get one chance to make a first
impression’.
• On the menu of a restaurant called ‘Taiping’, you just have to scribble ‘40p per
page’.
• At an Indian restaurant you order the chicken cumin just so you can ask the waiter
not to put so much cum in.
• For some peculiar reason, you see traffic lights as smiley faces, so you have to fill
them in.

All these basic malfunctions are a huge part of the creative process so best you
start paying attention to exactly what kind of nutcase you are. For those who need
a little help, R&D therapy has been designed to locate your particular blessing, and
channel it in a creative direction. In other words: If you’re out of whack you’re
right on track.

Thought Bomb: when accidents of any kind are analysed it causes shrapnel of
multiple thoughts from unrelated fields to collide and fly off in multiple directions.

Thoughtmosphere: the collective atmosphere of thoughts surrounding the earth and
emanating out into all dimensions (defined by ‘XAVI’ – omfestival.com).

Tradels (see ‘Pop Song Poetry’): products, movies or songs derived by combining
trademarks, labels, titles, headlines and melodies.
For example, from Starbucks + Hooters you could get HooterBucks – ‘hot chicks hot
coffee’; ‘try our S(lattes)’. (produx)

Movies:
Pots & Pans – a magical (gay) kitchen adventure starring Peter Potter & Harry
Pan. (mmovies)
The Spy who shagged Terry Poppins. (mmovies)
Lord of the Spiderkong Wars – about the battle of the uh, Spiderkongs.
(mmovies)
Snakes on Brokeback Mountain. (mmovies)
Dude, where’s my cheese? (mmovies)
Cattlestar Ballactica – about a very clever cow who finds a solution to global
warming. (mmovies)

TV shows:
Big Ass Celebrity (from Big Brother, Jackass & I’m a celebrity get me outa
here). (TVshow)


Glossary


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 32 www.logicalstupidity.com




TTOIS (TOYS): Transmission Towers Of Inspiration.


Unipersonal Problem: a unique personal problem that’s also universal.


UTTA BS: Universal Theory of Thumb And Bum Sucking.


Vujade: in contrast to a dejavu (which is information from the past), this is
information from the future. An observation that makes little sense at the time (see
‘OOPS’) but that you realise connects to a future event. Just like single socks from the
laundry – they need to be stored so that they can be paired off later.

Examples:

1) You can’t understand why all the beds in England are split in two. The missing
sock is revealed when you’re moving home and have to carry one up a flight of
stairs.

2) Lisa Simpson has a vujade watching her father and Ned Flanders mowing the lawn
in their wives' dresses after losing a bet. She says: ‘Why do I get the feeling that
someday I’ll be describing this to a psychiatrist?’ [This is a vujade that could take
30 years to reveal.]
The final scene from ‘Dead Putting Society’.

3) You’re changing a tyre of a new car. There are 4 nuts but one is different.
Why does one nut require a special key to unscrew it? This is a vujade – you know
there’s a reason, you just have to wait until you get to the mechanic, for the
missing sock to be revealed – it’s an antitheft device. Apparently people go round
stealing wheels. [Took me an hour to find this out.]


Wantasee: the way you want to see things based on your D 'n' A – Dreams 'n'
Aspirations.


Yougle: the search engine of your mind activated by your OOPS – Observation Of
Pure Stupidity.



Songlist


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 33 www.logicalstupidity.com
Songlist


Just to remind you that this free-book is a script for a musical.

To search through the songs in the script, use keyword ‘lyrix’. To search for a specific
song, search for ‘song #’.


1. LABEL YOUR CONFUSION
2. FREEDOM TO LIE
3. THE KIDS ARE WISING UP
4. WAKE ME SHAKE ME SHOCK ME
5. YOUR WANTASEE
6. THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY
7. UNZIP ME
8. HE’S ONLY A MAN
9. TEARS WITH CHAMPAGNE
10. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON
11. LET THEM DIE
12. HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN
13. TWO SONGS
14. SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN
15. IT HAS TO BE FUNNY
16. JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG
17. DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY
18. BLACK NOTE
19. WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN
20. THEME SONG
21. TOO MANY CHOICES
22. GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX
23. COPYRIGHT PROTECTED
24. HEY JADE
25. POP SONG POETRY
26. DOODLING TO THE DEADLINE
27. SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY
28. THE COLOUR OF CONFUSION
29. FRUSTRATION FOR SALE
30. MOANING OUT OF TUNE
31. WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY?


32. GRANDE SEMI SKIM CAPPACINO
33. CK519J
34. DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR
35. DAY BY DAY
36. SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO
37. HAPPY HOUR
38. HOMES DOGS BABIES
39. THE BUZZ OF THE BUSINESS
40. SANITY SUCKS
41. SEARCH YOUR SOUL
42. TRUST ME
43. THIS IS ALL CRAP
44. LET THEM DIE (REPEAT)
45. ONE BIG RADIO STATION
46. YOU GET PAID TO BE OUTRAGEOUS
47. FLUFF YOU ALL
48. JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME
49. WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE
50. WHAT WAS I THINKING?
51. CHOOSING MEN
52. MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT
53. NOW THAT I’M BACK
54. TOODALOO
55. LUNI LOVE
56. WAITING
57. YOU WANT A LABEL FOR MY SHOW
58. MONEY GO ROUND THE POP MACHINE
59. WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO
60. SCHMOOZING
61. COLOUR OF CONFUSION
62. THEME SONG (FULL)



Copyright & Disclaimers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 34 www.logicalstupidity.com
Copyright & Disclaimers


Copyright ©2007 Peter Greenwall
UK copyright registration number (from UK Copyright Service) 265230
All e-mail enquiries to: info@logicalstupidity.com


All songs registered with PRS UK.

Any part (up to a page) of this publication may be e-mailed to a friend, reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form and by any means electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without any permission, on
condition that:
1. It's not for commercial use
2. You quote the website – www.logicalstupidity.com
3. You quote the author – Peter Greenwall
4. YOU BUY THE COMMERCIAL VERSION OF THIS BOOK!! Click here to get it.


Distributed by The Internet – Lulu, Amazon, Googlebooks, www.logicalstupidity.com
and who knows where else.

E-book prepared and formatted by Nom de Plume Writing Services Limited.
www.ndpwriting.com

Cover designed by Lori Kramer.

DESIGN COMPETITION NOW ON!
This is a chance to have your design on the front cover of the commercial e-book.
Your design should capture what logical stupidity means to you, so it’s an open brief:
play with the words, show how the meshugganah movies of your mind turn into real
movies, songs and products, or use any of the chapter titles, glossary terms or any
part of this e-book as inspiration. Enter by registering on the website and uploading
your entry on the graphics channel.


Published by MISTAKE
Seriously – the whole thing was a freak accident. I started off writing a script to link a
few songs together when I accidentally stumbled on the universal formula for
innovation and creativity in general.



This is an edited Beta Book, test version 1.1 containing 20% of the
commercially available e-book. Many of the ideas have not been fully
thought through, which is why:



Copyright & Disclaimers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 35 www.logicalstupidity.com




Disclaimers:

1) If you’re offended by anything in this book, it’s all fiction. Made up. Comedy.
Satire. Not for those who believe there are certain things you can’t make jokes about,
like other people’s ridiculous beliefs.

2) If you agree with everything, then it’s creative non-fiction; in fact it’s my thesis on
the psychology, theory and practice of innovation.

3) If you agree with some of it but not all of it, then it’s no different from other books
about creation.

4) While every effort has been taken to ensure hysterical accuracy, most of the bullshit
turned out to be true. This was either coincidental, magical or logical, and possibly all
three.

5) All my thoughts and feelings were correct at the time of writing them, but that was
then, and I reserve the right to feel differently about things now.
[In accordance with Article 7 of the Hippocritic Oath.]

6) This book contains codes, formulas, recipes, monologues, dialogues, blueprints,
briefs and instructions for the creation of 1878 products, movies, songs, cartoons and
etceteras.
Besides the downloadable songs, nothing actually exists yet, which is why I’m counting
on you to make & upload your own versions. As you do, be aware that nothing has
been test marketed, prototypes have not been built and opinions have not been
gathered. You therefore create everything at your own risk. Just because I’m telling
you what to do, doesn’t make me responsible. Let me put it another way: I’ll take the
credit but not the blame should anything go wrong.



Terms & Conditions of using the book & website

The book is designed to inspire you to create your own ideas, as well as upload your
own versions of the creative briefs. To keep the Terms & Conditions simple: what
happens on the website stays on the website! To keep it complex: see further details
on the next page.



Terms & Conditions


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 36 www.logicalstupidity.com
Terms & Conditions



Logical Stupidity is about providing you with inspiration for your own projects.
It’s also about sharing ideas into the marketplace, and mutual promotion. If you
choose to follow the creative briefs then here’s the deal:

Our relationship is based on the idea that you need ‘material’ to expose your talent
and I need someone to present, sing, act out, photograph, design, make or produce
the material that I’ve created. This is why we need to work together!

What happens on this website stays on the website! You’re free to copy, adapt and
remix anything without permission as long as it’s not for commercial release and you
upload your version on this site for all to see. We can only use each other’s work for
promotional purposes i.e. showreels, resumes and public broadcast on TV, radio or
other websites for promotional use. But should either of us want to release anything
commercially, we need to seek each other’s permission. So if I want to use your
artwork for anything besides this e-book or website – e.g. a movie, training video,
multimedia stage show, cast album, (as I plan to do), then I would need to ask your
permission. The same applies to you regarding the use of any of my material. If a
third party wants to use our collaborative effort, then we all need to come to an
arrangement.

Regarding ownership of content: if you adapt anything by a considerable amount, then
we become collaborators and we need to discuss a royalty split according to the
changes you’ve made. To signify that it’s a collaborative effort, every artwork you
upload should have the following inscription somewhere clearly visible:
‘Title of the work’ by [your name] & Peter Greenwall for www.logicalstupidity.com.

If you’re not changing the work but are presenting it in some form, then the inscription
should be: ‘Title of the work’ presented / illustrated / performed, choreographed, sung,
by [your name] for www.logicalstupidity.com. By getting yourself in the mix you are
partly responsible for the magic, therefore should the clip, song, sketch leave the
domain of this website, you are entitled to some kind of deal that needs to be
discussed. But I’m not using your precious production for any purpose besides this
site. If I do I’ll ask you!

Be aware that this is the script for a documentary on the psychology, theory and
practice of innovation, where every clip or artwork is the product of various inspiration
devices. If you have something from your portfolio that fits the example, then you’re
welcome to upload it, but we can’t have arbitrary off-topic clips or any copyrighted
material from elsewhere.

Let's go through the various types of content on offer and how you may use them:


Terms & Conditions


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 37 www.logicalstupidity.com
Products: keyword to search for [produx] or [™ ]
All 269 product ideas belong to Logical Stupidity in the same way that Quiddage
belongs to Harry Potter or Duff Beer belongs to The Simpsons – i.e. while they might
be fantasy products, you would still need permission to create them and release them
commercially. An Australian beer company tried to market Duff Beer and they got
their arses nailed. Just so you know.
If you’re an entrepreneur or investor, you’re welcome to sponsor the development of
any product you like. For further investor information see the website.

Comedy sketches & stand-up shticks (more than 500): keywords to search for
[mmovies; shtix]
For singers actors, presenters, comedians working on comedy sketches in groups or
solo songs, stand-up shticks & presenter links:
Anything you upload is automatically part of the online clickumentary about the
creative process as well as your audition for the stage show and innovation workshops.
If you don’t want to audition for anything but are just promoting yourself in the web
version, then that’s fine. (Just say so in your upload details.)

Movie pitches (31): keyword to search for [moviepitch] &
TV show pitches (41): keyword to search for [tvshow]
Directed at TV producers, moviemakers and actors of all levels.
For producers – let’s discuss them into production.
For actors – follow the dialogue and the director's notes and upload your version.

Graphic Art, Product Design, Cartoons & Photos (602): keywords to search for
[PiX; grafix; cartoon; photo] to find all pictures that require your production.
Follow my director's notes and the links to web pages for inspiration on doing your
own version.

Complete songs (60): keyword to search for [lyrix]
You may perform up to 3 songs at your gig, as long as you give me credit, mention
this site and upload your version here for all to enjoy. You may either download the
backing track or learn the songs on your chosen instrument.
Music producers may redo, rehash, remix & re-release the songs by special
arrangement, or upload your version on the site without permission.

Incomplete songs (80): keyword to search for [ADDsong]
Either produce them as they are (ringtone songs or short attention span songs) or turn
them into complete 3 minute songs, producing them as you like.
Once you’re done we’ll discuss royalty splits – based on what you did!

Design your own production of Logical Stupidity – the musical
With over 700 pages of script and 61 songs, there’s enough material to custom design
your own production.
If you’d like to try something different for your next high school musical (i.e. other
than Fiddler on the Roof, Mary Poppins, Joseph, Grease, Jack & the Beanstalk, etc)
then select the songs and extracts you’d like to do and let’s talk!
If you’re a professional theatre producer and would like to stage a version of this
show, again, let’s talk it into production – fringe or mainstream.


Terms & Conditions


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 38 www.logicalstupidity.com






The e-book has been designed to inspire you and your own creative projects, as well
as provide you with inspiration to produce mine. If you try to pass any material off as
your own, either in part or in whole, YOU WILL BE PROSECUTED TO HALF THE
EXTENT OF THE LAW, the other half coming from trained attack dogs who know
where you live and will TAKE YOU OUT, for dinner, at an all-you-can-eat restaurant for
attack dogs, where no doggie bags are allowed i.e. ©2007 by Peter Greenwall.


Just thought I’d clear that up.


Go to www.logicalstupidity.com for further instructions on how to upload your content.


Check the next page for 16 reasons why you would want to do such a thing.



16 Reasons for Getting Involved


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 39 www.logicalstupidity.com
16 Reasons for Getting Involved



1) To promote yourself and your talent. (The site doubles as a free talent agency.)

2) To share profits or royalties of anything you design, manufacture, act in or sing.

3) Something in the e-book has inspired you to the point where you simply have to
create your own version and share it with the world – i.e.
To turn ideas into marketable movie clips, songs, pictures and products:
‘Having the vision’s no solution; everything depends on execution.’ - from Putting it
Together, by Stephen Sondheim

4) To be part of a documentary about the creative process that traces the origin of all
ideas right through to the final production – your take.

5) To audition for the stage show. This is not compulsory! If you don’t want to
audition, then just say so in your profile.
Further down the line, the same clip you just uploaded becomes eligible to be in:

6) ‘The Final Cut - What’s your take?’ – a TV competition for your interpretation of all
the sketches & songs from the book. A panel of movie experts will decide which of
you become TV stars.

7) ‘The Final Cut’ – the movie version with the winning clips re-shot on a professional
budget; i.e. your chance to be a movie star. Since the script contains the template for
the documentary, all examples and clips will update continually – this musical
documentary never ends!

8) To be in a series of John Cleese-style training videos on innovation.

9) The Logical Stupidity Award ceremony for excellence in timewasting.
(Because many of these clips and pics are destined to become e-mail forwards.)

10) To win Software and Hardware prizes that enable you to produce better artworks,
photo’s, movies or songs.

But wait, that's not all! You haven't spent any money yet! Here's your motivation for
spending £20 to sign up:

11) Free copy of the 727 page e-book with roughly 2500 briefs.

12) Full versions of 45 songs from the show.

13) Full versions of all backing tracks of the above songs so you can sing your own
version and upload it right here.

14) Full versions of movie clips from previous versions leading up to this version.

15) Access to the online clickumentary.

16) Access to an online seminar on innovation.

INSPIRED YET? UPLOAD YOUR VERSION!


So What Is It Exactly?


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 40 www.logicalstupidity.com
So What Is It Exactly?


12 THINGS WHICH IT IS - JUST FOR CLARITY BEFORE WE START
(Potential investors follow the ‘$$$’ signs.)

1) Business School Musical - business issues set to comedy and music.
[$$$: Live show, CD sales, online music downloads, ringtones.]

2) Innovation Training - a formula for creating original content with 217 inspiration
devices. [$$$: Workshops, seminars, DVD sales.]

E-BOOK [$$$: sales]:

3) Creative Therapy - how to produce the meshugganah movies of your mind.
(i.e. How to turn everything driving you insane into some kind of art or product.)
[$$$: Seminars, DVD sales.]

4) My to do list - 1878 projects (movies, songs, comedy sketches, products)
that I couldn’t possibly complete in this lifetime, so I’m spreading them around a bit.
[$$$: Royalty splits with partners.]

5) Idea Factory - what’s your take on my idea? Sing, act, present, photograph,
design, build, take, make, share, adapt, finish – just make them yours by getting
yourself in the mix! Then split the royalties – see Terms & Conditions [$$$].

6) Thesis on inspirageology - the study of inspiration:
The effects of dysfunction, stupidity, humour and bullshitting on the creative process
and the flow of information.
How and why gapcidents happen – i.e. how unrelated ideas choose you as a way to
connect to form new ideas.

WEBSITE:

7) Talent show & audition site for the musical and movie documentary.

8) Clickumentary (interactive web documentary) on the creative process.

9) Talent Agency - be spotted revealing your true colours.
[$$$: Agency fees.]

10) Social networking for techies to pair off with talent.
(Or production people to hook up with performers, because techies are talented too.)

11) Advertising Agency [$$$] - the client’s brief goes out to all the ‘creatives’.
The agency runs on 3 principles:
1) Millions of heads are better than one tiny team.
2) Best idea wins: Everyone pitches and the client decides who gets the contract.
3) No portfolio, showreels or resume required – can you handle THIS job? (produx)


So What Is It Exactly?


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 41 www.logicalstupidity.com




12) ADVERTISING OPPORTUNITY

There are plenty of spaces reserved in all 5 formats for your product. [$$$]
Search for keywords [sponsor] [produx] [™ ] to find those products you wish to
sponsor or produce yourself. Bear in mind that the best ideas are in the commercial
e-book.

There are also product placement opportunities for those companies whose strategies,
slogans and products have been used as examples of a particular type of business
innovation. There are over 100 companies (listed at the back of the book) enjoying
free advertising in the e-book, but should they wish to keep these products in the
upgraded versions, stage show and innovation workshops, they may want to consider
sponsorship deals:

In exchange for product placement, sponsorship is needed for prizes for each
innovation category: best product, movie, cartoon, song production, vocalist, comedy
sketch, presenter link, etc.

For further investor and marketing information, check www.logicalstupidity.com




All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 42 www.logicalstupidity.com
All 32 Chapters Summarised


1 LABEL YOUR CONFUSION
GIVE IT A NAME, GIVE IT A CATCHPHRASE, GIVE IT A SONG – THE ART OF
BRANDING

What exactly is the ‘it’ that you’re naming?
‘IT’ is a mystery feeling that’s difficult to describe.
‘IT’ as in ‘it doesn’t work like that’.
‘IT’ as in ‘just do it’ – the Nike way.
‘IT’ as in ‘Screw it, let’s do it’ – the title of Richard Branson’s book.

This book looks at everything that needs to be screwed in order to do what you need
to do. The creative process starts with the identification and labelling of a mystery –
anything that makes no sense to you.

2 THE HISTORY OF PROFESSIONAL BULLSHITTING/PAFYAFFING:
Pulling Advice From Your Ass(pirations) For FINancial Gain

3 CRACKING YOUR D 'N' A CODE – DREAMS 'N' ASPIRATIONS
…and the creative applications – e.g.
• ‘I wish my crappy car was a sports car’ and
VROOM! – ‘Pimp my Ride’ comes along.
• ‘I wish there were biscuits that could help me digest food,’ and
POOF! – we have digestive biscuits.
• ‘I wish I was younger’ and
YOUTH! – ‘40 is the new 20’ becomes an advertising catchphrase.
• ‘I wish I was free to follow my dreams and create the world I wanted’ and
FREEDOM! – ‘Just do it’ becomes a tagline.

INNER SPACE TRAVEL / ERRORTHOUGHTICAL ENGINEERING
4 THE TWO TRAINS OF THOUGHT – CIRCLE & DESTINATION
Our thoughtmosphere is mapped out like The London underground – there are circular
arguments that spiral to nowhere but are useful for transport to destination
arguments. But what’s different about the thoughtmosphere is that it’s
multidimensional – at any point you’re free to hop on your own train of thought to take
you to a place nobody’s ever been before – your wantasee, the way you want to see
things. These are the trains that lead to innovation…

5 MENTAL GPS – FOLLOW YOUR FASCINATION
Mental GPS works by following your fascination. Learn to use it and you’ll get swept
away on a current of creativity. Coming up: How do we ‘get ideas’? How do thoughts
travel and how do they turn into atoms? What happens when information from the
past connects with information from the future – via you?


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 43 www.logicalstupidity.com
6 GUESSEDGE – KNOWLEDGE IN PROGRESS
How the universe runs on subjectivity – i.e. your personal BIAS: Belief In A Solution.
Why do we bother to make or say anything at all?
Where does the desire of self-expression come from?
All can be explained by way of the three desires of guessedge or self-expression:

1) To figure things out on our own.
2) To express that thing to someone.
3) To be right / accepted / have your ideas validated.

Am I right? Sure I am. Now pay me.

Only once your guessedge is validated can it become knowledge, and there’s usually a
pay cheque involved. So how much are your opinions worth?

7 THE MOVIE OF YOUR MIND
What’s showing on yours and how are you directing it?

ART – Automatic Radical Thoughts – comes from having serious creative differences
with ‘the big producer in the sky’ but you can’t walk off the set, and this is what the
internal struggle is all about.

The script you’re given is hysterical or highly dramatic but you can’t act it out because
it would be frowned upon, too embarrassing, offensive, not PC or you’d get arrested or
killed. So what happens? All the really dramatic and funny thoughts get cut and all
the polite bullshit comes out instead.

So, what we’re going to do is get inside the editing room of your mind, find all the
scenes that you cut, and put them back together so you can write your best material.
As we examine 15 movies of my mind, you get to see how you would have directed
the same scenes.
Okay, one of the movies is a porno…

8 OBSERVATIONAL INNOVATION – TURNING JOKES INTO
PRODUCTS
How to turn punch lines into taglines:
Use your sense of humour to accept the things you cannot change; your product
development skills to change what you can; and this chapter to know the difference.

Turns out that the difference between humour and innovation is simply a matter of
functionality: does the joke product work? If it does, your punch line becomes a
product.

THE ‘EASILY AMUSED’ FORMULA FOR INNOVATION:
Explore the funny side of everything ¬ take note of what you laugh at the
most ¬ convert the punch line into a product ¬ laugh all the way to the
bank.


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 44 www.logicalstupidity.com
9 CHASING THE UNKNOWN –
UNCOMMON KNOWLEDGE YOU OWN
Your search for solutions is futile unless you express the problem as a question, and all
questions revolve around this one:
What makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R?
The ANSWER will magically appear when you get the question right; did you notice
that?
This chapter contains instructions for using your SPQV – Self Propelled Question
Vehicle – essential for navigating through nonsense.

10 CLINTONIAN METAPHYSICS
IF YOU CAN’T CHANGE IT, REDEFINE IT TO SUIT YOURSELF

Clintonian Metaphysics is named after Bill Clinton who redefined the term ‘sexual
relations’. In his mind there was no sex – he had merely found an alternative use for
a cigar.
This is exactly how redefining reality leads to new inventions. So with this in mind,
we’re changing the world by redefining everything in it…

11 THE SKY’S NOT THE LIMIT; YOUR PRINCIPLES ARE –
UPGRADE THEM!
It’s easy to stick to principles, especially if you’ve had some code hammered into you
all your life. But can you abandon them when you realise they don’t apply anymore?
Much harder to do.

Just as laws (universal and man-made) need to upgrade to move with the times, so
too do your principles. But how does upgrading them lead to innovation?

In the battle between your principles and reality, something has to give: you’re either
going to have to upgrade your principles or redefine reality and change it. Either way,
innovation is involved.

Here are the 21 rules for rule breaking, or 21 ways to rise above the limitations of your
principles in order to innovate…

12 THE MESHUGGANAH MATRIX
Where all your crazy ideas intersect with the market to bridge the gap between life as
it is and life as you dream it.

The objectives:
1) To assimilate the problem as part of the solution.
2) To improvise new products over existing markets.
3) To improvise new melodies over popular chord patterns.
4) To improvise spontaneity over the daily grind.
5) To get you out of your comfort zone.

The method: PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE (see lyrics)


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 45 www.logicalstupidity.com



13 EDITORIAL LICENCE & THE HIPPOCRITIC OATH
Allows you to LIE OR TELL THE TRUTH, WHICHEVER IS MORE INTERESTING

Changing your mind as often as global uncertainty dictates, has become the key to
effective leadership. Take the oath and you’ll be able to manipulate the facts to suit
your argument, and when you realise you’re wrong, change your argument to suit the
facts.

As a consumer of news you’ll learn how to read between the lines of news and
marketing spin.

As a news editor, journalist or author, the Hippocritic Oath allows you to lie or tell the
truth, whichever is more interesting, as long as you promise:

1) To make as much money as you possibly can.
2) To pretend to follow some higher aspiration.
3) To be thoroughly entertaining as you reveal the true colours of your chosen subject.

Editorial licence is granted under the following terms & conditions of the contract:

I, the consumer of news and entertainment media, give you, the author, permission to
simplify events of the world to make it easier for me to understand. By ‘simplify’ I
mean:

1) Polarise my thoughts – don’t give me more than two options.
2) Give me instant perspective.
3) Make me laugh; entertain me.
4) Keep me in the loop; make me feel like I’m part of something big.


I, the author of content, am entitled to simplicate everything in order to achieve this –
i.e. keep things complex enough to be respected as an authority while simple enough
to be understood. I can use the following methods to achieve this:

1) Compare the incomparable.
2) Challenge my subject by questioning motives and tearing down dreams.
3) Provide worst-case scenarios.
4) GO MAAD: Use any Multiple Angle Attack Device.
5) Ask rhetorical questions and split as many hairs as I like.
6) Cherry-pick my edited highlights.
7) Or use any other device in keeping with the good faith of the Hippocritic Oath.



All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 46 www.logicalstupidity.com

14 PARAFRAZING – THE EXTREME SPORT FOR CREATIVE
THINKERS
Jump on a bandwagon, add wings & fly it your own way

PARAFRAZING = R&D = The art of Rehashing & Disguising other people’s ideas in
order to find your voice – e.g. Frankenstein turns into Dracula, then Wolfman Jack,
Michael Jackson followed by Adams Family, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Marilyn Manson
and eventually Sponge Bob Square Pants.

Parafrazing is based on

1) EVOLUTION
We need to steal ideas in the same way that they need to be protected.
In nature, this battle for survival is called evolution. In business it’s called innovation.
Either way you’re involved, so you may as well learn the process.

2) EINSTEIN’S THEORY OF CREATIVITY:
‘The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources’ – seriously, he actually
said that.

3) THE ITCHY & SCRATCHY PLAGIARISM CASE:
Roger Myers: ‘Your honour, you take away our right to steal ideas; where are they
supposed to come from – her?’ [looks at Marge]



15 POP SONG POETRY – THE REHASH PART OF THE EQUATION

PSP is a device to help you create new songs, products and movies by combining 2 or
more samples of your favourite influences. Here’s how it works:

1) Cut 'n' Paste words from your target influences onto cards.
2) Shuffle and throw the cards, read them as they lie and
lie about them as you read.

Examples:
Coffee shop: HooterBucks – ‘hot chicks hot coffee’ / ‘try our Sluttes’.
Fitness program: Yogalingus – a workout for your mind, body and sexlife.
Movie: Pots & Pans – the magical (gay) kitchen adventures of Harry Pan
& Peter Potter.



All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 47 www.logicalstupidity.com

16 REFRAME THE MUNDANE – REMiX!NG THE MELODIES OF LIFE
Whereas PSP changes the form, reframing changes the context. This is about turning
raw footage into material by focusing on editing and presenting – e.g.



SUBSTANCE = Raw Footage = Old Life STYLE = Material = New Life

1) A comedian turns an encounter with an air hostess into a comedy routine
2) A psychologist turns the same event into a psychological disorder
3) A playwright turns the conversation directly into a play
4) A businessman turns one of the sound bites into a ringtone
5) An artist turns the seat and the window into an art installation
6) A stylist turns the messed up hair into the ‘just got out of bed’ look
7) David Blaine turns being bored to death into a PR stunt
8) Dido transcribes the minutiae of her day into a pop song
9) Simon Cowell turns regular wannabees into pop stars
10) A chef turns regular ingredients into a gourmet meal
11) Nicky Greenwall (my celebrity sister) turns any Reuters feed into
showbiz news
12) Richard Quest (CNN) turns anything into news


WORLD EXCLUSIVE BIG REVEAL: The 6 stages of the cycle of innovation and how
solutions can be found in unlikely places – demonstrated by the invention of 18 new
products.


17 6 BRANDING STRATEGIES USED IN THE ARTS:
ANY RUBBISH THAT SELLS
Branding is the science of getting people to change their mind from ‘yes but what
would you actually do with it?’ to ‘I gotta have one of those now!’

We’re going to look at 6 ways to do this:

1) The Name: why add value when all you need is an adjective?

2) Fashion: if you can’t change the way you look, turn it into a fashion.

3) Price Tag: you can’t polish a turd, but you can put a price tag on it.

4) Soundtrack: don’t say it; sing it – bitch about it to the beat.

5) Tone of Voice: how to turn anything into news, by using DRAMA IN YOUR VOICE.

6) Technology: the cooler the gadget the less you care about the content.



All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 48 www.logicalstupidity.com

18 RHYTHMAGINATION & DOODLING TO THE DEADLINE
HOW TO SET YOUR MIND FREE TO DESTROY CONTEXT

Most sounds we hear are heard out of context – we don’t see exactly what’s causing
the sound, and as a result we have to fill in the gaps and guess what the sound could
be – e.g. if you hear a bang outside, it could be a gunshot, exhaust backfire or
fireworks. This is how sounds become audio triggers that connect you to past and
future events.

REVEALED: How visual and audio triggers create gapcidents – happy accidents where
logic collides with stupidity to create new ideas.

19 FOK-U – THE FAÇADE OF KINDNESS & UNDERSTANDING

A quick seminar in effective leadership – i.e. PR and Spin.

In order to turn global problems into political and marketing opportunities you need
the right attitude.

Ignorance is not acceptable, apathy is expected, but acting as if you care is essential,
which is why you need to learn the art of CAREOGRAPHY – choreographed caring,
where you’ll learn to:

Act AS IF the customer is king.
Act AS IF nothing is a problem and you’re having a nice day.
Act AS IF your boss is not a complete asshole.
Act AS IF your staff/students/citizens are all special.
Act AS IF you know what you’re doing.

How to pull this off? THE 10 STRATEGIES OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PR & SPIN:

1) SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY (SEE LYRICS)
2) GET COVERAGE OF YOU CARING - THE MORE YOU GET, THE MORE YOU CARE
3) DON’T GET NASTY ON EVILDOERS - SHOW NASTY
4) LEARN YOUR ESP’S: EMOTICON STOCK PHRASES
5) USE FABOLS: FASHIONABLE ADJECTIVES BASED ON LIFESTYLE
6) BE SEEN THROWING MONEY AT THE PROBLEM
7) PROMOTE AN IMAGE OF HEALTH & FITNESS
8) RAISE AWARENESS WITH A ROCK CONCERT
9) SPONSOR WORLD PEACE EVENTS
10) USE ‘IMPROPER USE’ WARNING LABELS


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 49 www.logicalstupidity.com

20 MEASURING YOUR MOOD USING R&D THERAPY
R&D creative therapy is about Rehashing & Disguising your frustrations and then
selling them through different media. This can only happen by measuring your mood:

The physical world has scientific measuring devices, business climate is measured by
market indices, but how do we measure mood? That’s where art comes in – just as
we have the colour spectrum or the sound frequency spectrum, so too do we have the
human emotion spectrum, or moodometer. Zoomed all the way out, it’s just as vague
as hot, mild and cold – i.e. Woohoo!! ☺ Whatever © & FU!! ®

But by getting inside the meshugganah middle and measuring the spaces between
your thoughts, you create more detailed awareness pixels, and the more you have, the
better the quality of your life. How so? Each pixel of emotion you identify translates
into a line of conversation, a line for a song or a script, a business plan, a joke, a
comedy sketch, a brush stroke on a painting or a feature on a piece of software or a
sports car.

This is why R&D therapy doesn’t try to fix your dysfunctions, because they’re not
supposed to be fixed. This is nature’s way of creating the luniverse. How do we know
this? Well who do you know that isn’t just a little bit whacked out in some way?

We’re all fluffed in the head but not in the same way: The slight difference is known as
your STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise.
The objective of R&D therapy is to find your STUBID and make it work for you.

The method used: CRITICISE, ANALYSE & CAPITALISE

21 THOUGHT ACCOUNTANCY – DETECT, COLLECT, CONNECT
And then report on PNN – your Personal News Network.

Did you ever wonder why exactly the same amount of news happens every day
regardless of what happens in the world?
That’s because the news is a business, where reporters have to be fed and where
column space and program slots have to be filled. This is why you’ll never see a news
headline of NOTHING MUCH HAPPENED TODAY, because if nothing serious happens,
there are always backup headlines to run, like ‘Gordon Brown & Tony Blair to remain
friends’ or ‘Posh goes shopping with Katie’.

Newsflash: you’re also in the news business. What’s going on with you is just as
important or as trivial as world headlines. To practice 'thought accountancy' you need
to become the editor for ‘My Life’, a news program broadcast on PNN, your Personal
News Network. At the end of every day you need to present a 10-minute highlights
presentation of your news. So what’s going on with you?


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 50 www.logicalstupidity.com


22 MISINTERPREATION – CREATIVITY BY DENIAL & ERROR

By missing the point entirely you often end up discovering way more interesting places
than the intended message – i.e. new messages are found in translation.

REVEALED: The creative and destructive effects of misinterpreation and the 12 factors
causing it.

The thoughtmosphere works just like the virtual world of hyperlinks – you’re always
only one letter or sound away from a foreign destination that could be way more
exciting than the intended one. By allowing yourself to roll with the accident, you’re
likely to discover gapcidents like factasy, spontenudity, hysterical accuracy and various
other comical reactions.

This is the upside of being a little bit stupid and a bad listener – you never have to try
to screw things up – it happens automatically. Especially if you, like me, have
punlexia, an auditory processing disorder where your brain searches for every possible
alternative meaning to the intended one.

So how do you cure it? You don’t. Just like many other anxieties, neuroses, phobias,
dysfunctions and disorders, there are no cures, and even if there were you wouldn’t
want them because this is what makes you uniquely creative and fascinating.

When it comes to playing with words you’re a phonetic, so follow the songs and
sounds wherever they take you. When your punlexia impairs your ability to focus,
then follow the spontenudity.

By discovering new words, you’re also discovering new destinations in our
thoughtmosphere, which can then be turned into:

Songs: ‘I got soul but I’m not a soldier’ – The Killers
Taglines: ‘Girls just want to have funds’ – Jupiter Asset Management
Books: the same title is also a book by Susanna Blake Goodman
Products: ‘The Posh Up Bra’ – coined by the Sun Newspaper
Newspapers: ‘Vujade News – news ahead of its time’
Products: ‘Jillette, because you like it shaved and wet’
(What? It’s a new waterproof razor.)
Pop Bands: ‘The Showeroke Girls’ – now auditioning at www.logicalstupidity.com


This is a permanent fatal error. May the grim rapper take you on a wild inventure to
find your ERRORGENIUS ZONE.


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 51 www.logicalstupidity.com


23 REVEALED: THE 3 TYPES OF DISILLUSION

1) Type 1: Hopelessly deluded D 'n' A (Dreams 'n' Aspirations).
2) Type 2: D 'n' A crushed or being crushed by reality – you’ve settled into
comfortable numbness.
3) Type 3: D 'n' A achieved, but it’s a big anticlimax – so now what?

You need R&D therapy to UNLEASH YOUR POW: The Power Of Whatever



24 HOW TO GET YOUR WHACKY BACK
Or how to find your STUBID: SPECIAL TALENT FROM A UNIQUE BLESSING IN
DISGUISE

STUBIDs are evident at an early age but usually get diagnosed as ‘antisocial behaviour’
and snuffed out by Ritalin before they’ve had a chance to be discovered and
unleashed.

This is a great pity because all kinds of lucrative careers are being snuffed out before
they’ve had a chance to get going – e.g. a pathological liar, with a little nurturing could
make a brilliant lawyer. Kids who play with guns and fail their music exams could be
rappers. Destructive kids who break other kids' toys and then give out advice on how
to fix them could be management consultants. Those who love the sound of their own
voice but don’t have much to say could be radio DJ’s. Hopelessly deluded kids could
have been speech writers for Blair, or if the delusion was more serious, for Bush.

So where did your nutcase go and how can we get it back? This is what R&D therapy
is concerned with: what’s your basic malfunction and how can you use it? How is it
that only kids and old people can say whatever they like? Well now you can too!
We’re going to examine 5 methods to get your whacky back:

1) Sing a whacky song.
2) Regression.
3) Trial & Error.
4) Soul Searching.
5) Meditation.



All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 52 www.logicalstupidity.com
25 CREATIVE ANXIETIES & DISORDERS
Don’t get cured – get inspired by all of them.
You do not need any kind of therapy to cure you of phobias, anxieties and disorders –
they exist for a reason – to keep you alive and inspire you. By describing the
symptoms over your chosen medium, you instantly connect with your audience by way
of safety in numbers – i.e. you become the voice of millions of people who’ve all been
suffering in silence from the same thing. Now see if you’re one of them, as I reveal
my top ten anxieties… (You can find them under ‘new disorder’ in the Glossary.)

26 CRITICS – HOW TO USE THEM CONSTRUCTIVELY
THE CREATIVE POWER OF NEGATIVE INSPIRATION FROM REJECTION
For every criticism there’s an equal and opposite reaction…
Tracy Emin often has rocks thrown through the window of her art studio. What does
she do about it? She uses them to build more artworks, which is the objective of this
chapter: to help you identify the signs that you suck and then use all the rocks thrown
at you as inspiration for more artworks.

Big-time sucking is an honour awarded to you by others. It’s not something you can
decide on your own, mostly because you’re always too far up your own ass to be able
to tell. The digital revolution is partly responsible for this:
Affordable technology – made you think you’re a musician, moviemaker or graphic
artist. Working in isolation – the preoccupation with your own thoughts combined
with a certain frequency of your computer fan made you start hallucinating that you’re
better than the combined creative output of U2, Steven Spielberg, Shakespeare and
Michelangelo, and that just because it took you a year to get your masterpiece on
myspace, the whole world would be interested in whatever you had to say. Not
necessarily. You soon found out that you’re very much alone and you suck. And in
case you still haven’t found this out, this chapter goes through all the signs that you
suck and how to use them as inspiration. It also goes through the 6 important
reasons for sucking:
1) Retaliation energy for building more artworks.
2) You’re part of the wheel of progress – you’re the one pushing the envelope.
3) Comparative function –how would anyone know what was good if you didn’t suck?
4) First draft is out the way.
5) Total creative freedom.
6) The challenge – anyone can make it with natural talent, but can you make it
without? This requires a skill-set that no university or music school can offer:
1. Producers have to be slept with or framed.
2. ‘Wardrobe malfunctions’ have to be choreographed.
3. Marriages, tans and intelligence all have to be faked.
4. Offspring or adopted babies have to be given twatish names.
5. Rumours and porn videos have to fabricated and spread on the Internet.
6. Pictures of you getting your toes licked on private yachts need to be published.
7. Ego’s have to be stroked, sometimes licked.
8. Journalists have to be lunched.
9. Audiences need to be told what to think.
10. Visits to rehab have to be coordinated around gig schedules.
11. Top ten lists have to created and sent to the press. Tyres need to be slashed if
not printed. Seriously. I’ve spoken.


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 53 www.logicalstupidity.com

27 USING RELATIONSHIPS AS A SOURCE OF INSPIRATION
How to think inside the paradox of love in order to use your partner as a catalyst for
songs, movies, articles & products.

Step 1: Ask questions that result in ‘nothing’ answers:
‘What’s up?’
‘What’s going on?’
‘What’s wrong, honey?’
‘What’s the matter?’
‘What can I say to make it better?’
‘What do you mean by that?’

Step 2: Ask questions that have ‘everything’ answers:
‘What’s it going to take to make you happy?’

Step 3: Insist on specific examples and actually listen this time. Don’t try to think of
anything to say; you need to focus all your attention on just listening, which will take
every bit of concentration you have. If you have trouble listening or remembering the
exact lines she uses, then use a Dictaphone, but don’t get caught.

Step 4: At another time and place (so that you’re calmer and can think rationally)
examine all requests and complaints, taking particular note of the knowledge vacuum
between both extremes. You will now find yourself in the interpreation zone, the
Centre Of Confusion inside a Unique Problem (the COC-UP), deep inside the paradox,
which is why it’s called the meshugganah middle.

This is where you find pure inspiration as you begin to piece all the nonsense together
– e.g. how come she’s instantly reminded of everything she needs to tell me only
when I turn on the TV?
How is it that she can handle the bikini wax, the boob job, nose job, tummy tuck,
colonic irrigation, botox, pierced tongue, nipples & clit and yet she’s not prepared to
take it up the ass because it hurts?

What’s up with that? I’ll tell you: OOPS – Observation Of Pure Stupidity, or the Origin
Of Planets & Stars.

I have no idea who started circulating that text but I do know that it comes from the
very centre of the paradox, the source of all life, the catalyst of all creation – that
which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R – The ANSWER to everything!

There’s no need for intergalactic space travel to solve the mysteries of the universe
when you can find the same mysteries deep inside the meshugganah middle. All you
have to do is ask the right questions and set your answers to dialogue and music.
Which is what we’re going to do with various stages of the relationship…


All 32 Chapters Summarised


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 54 www.logicalstupidity.com
28 TAPPING INTO THE COLLECTIVE TRASHCAN
Proactive shmoactive – you can’t ‘just do it’ and there are plenty of reasons why you
can’t. Tap into these reasons and you’re inside the collective trashcan of rubbish that
unites us all.

29 FINDING THE NICHE WITHIN YOUR NICHE
You know what you’re good at and you know what makes you money. You don’t need
to think outside any boxes if you merge all the boxes you love, to create a new box
just for you. This is about finding your USP (Unique Sales Point) and UFP (Unique
Failure Point) and capitalising on both with a little R&D: Rehash & Disguise.

30 SCHMOOZING: THE PROACTIVE APPROACH TO GETTING LUCKY
OR ‘THE ART OF FLIRTING FOR INFORMATION’ (WHICHEVER YOU PREFER)
No matter how amazing your product is, at some point you’re going to have to get
connected to the people who can make it happen for you. This is why you need a
crash course in Schmoozing 1a, to examine the fine lines between:
• Having chutzpah and being a dickhead.
• Bumlicking and Brown-nosing.
• Flirting for business and Flirting for romance.

We’re also going to examine the two essential types of schmoozing:
1) Impulse Schmoozing:
Used on people who you feel need to be met – based on your gut instinct.

How do you meet someone who looks like someone you need to know?
This is the dilemma James Blunt writes about in ‘You’re Beautiful’:
‘I SAW YOUR FACE IN A CROWDED PLACE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO’
If he had known about Impulse Schmoozing he would have known exactly what to do.

2) Target Schmoozing:
For when you know who the right people are to meet and where to meet them.
Method: The STALK & POUNCE and the 3 essential poses you need to learn.

31 HYSTERICAL ACCURACY – THE ART OF MAKING STUFF UP
OR ‘EXISTENTIAL INNOVATION’ - IF IT DOESN’T EXIST, MAKE IT
‘Now rich in book, movie & product ideas’

How others have made a fortune from PIFYAFFING:
Pulling Ideas From Your Aspirations For FINancial Gain.

And how you can do the same. (Download the whole chapter here free!)

32 CAPITALIES – DYSFUNCTIONAL NIGHTMARES = FINANCIAL
DREAMS
You’ve been criticised and analysed so all that’s left is to CAPITALISE, by going ahead
and making the meshugganah movies of your mind. Change your mind as often as
you like, just voice your confusion along the way, because it’s all going to change by
tomorrow…


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 55 www.logicalstupidity.com
1. LABEL Your Confusion -
Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase,
Give it a Song



O SPARX 1


(SONG 1 - opening production number) [LYRIX]



And what exactly is the ‘it’ that you’re naming?

‘IT’ is a mystery feeling that’s difficult to describe.
‘IT’ as in ‘it doesn’t work like that’.
‘IT’ as in ‘just do it’ – the Nike way.
‘IT’ as in ‘Screw it, let’s do it ’ – the title of Richard Branson’s book.


We’re going to look at everything that needs to be screwed, in order to do what you
need to do.



1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 56 www.logicalstupidity.com
What, to you, makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R? Whatever it is, give it a name:

> Okay, how come I don’t fall off the planet?

Gravity. Isaac Newton has already labelled that mystery so it’s not mysterious
anymore. Choose another one:

> Okay – who or what is providing the stimulus for the creation of everything?

That would be ‘God’ – labelled and defined differently by various authors.

> Why does my penis shrivel up when it gets cold?

That’s shrinkage by Jerry Seinfeld.

> Why do I feel depressed?

That’s depression. It will do that to you.

> Why do I feel that the only way out of it is to chase younger women, when I’m
reasonably happily married?

That’s called a mid-life crisis.

> So how can we make it cool to grow old in a youth-obsessed society?

40 is the new 20.

> Why am I thoroughly bored at work?

That’s boreout, discovered and tagged by Peter Werder. And this is what innovation is
all about – discovering something that was always there and giving it a name. Is any
of this helping you? Do you feel better knowing that you’re not alone with your
problems?

> Actually, yes I do. Thank you. How does that work? New mystery: how does
labelling your confusion make it feel better?

That’s called mystonomy, the taxonomy of mysteries – i.e. the science of identifying,
classifying and labelling confusion to make it feel normal. How does it work? By
creating awareness: once you’ve got a name it becomes easier to manage because
that’s the only way others have a chance to identify with the same experience.
Once you create a group of sufferers all bitching about the same thing, you’ve got
safety in numbers, which leads to an exponential catch-on because there’s no better
way to deal with misery than spreading it around a bit.
Did you know about mystonomy? How could you, when I made it all up? It’s all
guessedge! But if you believed me then it’s knowledge. This is how the system works
– so that’s the game we’re playing here. Go ahead – ask me anything! Then see if
you can figure out whether my answer is guessedge or common knowledge that’s just
not common to you. Why don’t you try a personal mystery? Give me a problem that
you think is unique to you:

> Okay, how’s this one: a friend of mine just made a move on this girl I was thinking
about asking out, and now they’re together. He knew I was interested! What do you
call that?


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 57 www.logicalstupidity.com
Dude, you were gazumped by a better offer! That’s girlfriend gazumping. Happens
often, especially in property, which is where the name comes from. Why would you
think that problem is unique to you?

> Because it’s never happened to me before!

Maybe not to you, but it’s a universal problem that’s just never been named. You just
tapped into a unipersonal problem – unique and universal at exactly the same time,
also known as a CEWTBL (pronounced ‘suitable’): Common Experience Waiting To Be
Labelled. Those are the kind you’re looking for but you’ll never know if they’re
common to anyone else unless you name them! If you want to break through the
knowledge barrier and take ownership of the unknown, you’ve got to name it.
So what else is bugging you, my metaphysical friend from my internal dialogue?

> Why can’t they make better-looking hybrid cars? Why do we have to drive
shoeboxes to fight the climate crisis? What if we had hybrid sports cars? Wouldn’t
more people be encouraged to drive them and isn’t that a solution to global warming?

YES! But you’re too late – we already have them. There’s the Tesla Roadster, The
Velozzi and The Batterari. But you’re asking the right questions. These are the same
questions that would have led to the creation of these cars.

Innovation begins by noticing new mysteries and then giving them names. By making
up your own answers you turn questions into statements and bring new things into
existence. So now all you need to do to turn your guessedge into knowledge is to go
ahead and actually make a Batterari because it doesn’t exist yet! The other two cars
exist but The Batterari is all yours.

> What do I call this method of innovation?

Name: Existential Innovation.

Catchphrase: if it doesn’t exist – make it!

Song: this is where you need to elaborate; it doesn’t have to be an actual song. So
here’s the deal:

X! involves jumping on assumptions based on very little evidence and riding them
all the way, gathering more evidence as you go. Once you’ve dreamed up a
name, nature works in mysterious ways – as you start fabricating a story to
explain your name, the evidence magically presents itself, to the point where the
name brings the product into existence:

OOPS (Observation Of Pure Stupidity)¬ name¬ catchphrase¬ song (or synopsis)
logo¬ full story¬ business plan¬ product¬ advert¬ market¬ $$$

> PiX/grafix: X! logo to be designed, something that involves a ‘?’ turns into a ‘!’ ,
like a @

Try it as a flash animation.


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 58 www.logicalstupidity.com

Let’s use the Batterari as a case study of Existential Innovation:

The OOPS: why can’t we have a sportier looking hybrid car?
(They have them, so come up with a different answer.)

Name: the Batterari Testosterona.

Catchphrase: ‘lose the power, keep the status.’

Song: elaborate, by saying why your battery / hybrid sports car is different. Start by
jumping on an assumption based on what little evidence you have, and then ride it as
far as it will go:

Since you can’t drive above 30 MPH in most cities and this is a city car, we clearly
don’t need to worry about speed and power. What we need is an ego-friendly car that
still captures all the feelings of a sports car when you drive one – i.e. you want an
attention-seeking device. You want the noise, the vroom, the compensation for the
small penis. It all has to be there.

So how do we do that? The Batterari has massive base bin speakers under the
bonnet, connected to the accelerator, so the car still screams ‘look at me’ with every
rev. There’s just no carbon emission. Win-win. [produx/climate crisis Pix/grafix]

Now what about the picture¬ story¬ product¬ business plan¬ advert¬ market?

That’s where you come in. Design it, upload it, let’s see it! That’s what the website is
for – to design all 1878 ideas into existence.

Okay so we’ve established that the creative process starts with the discovery of a
mystery or OOPS. Luckily we have an infinite supply – as much as we know, there’s
infinitely more that we don’t, and trying to find out what we don’t know is the essence
of innovation. How so? Because what we don’t know we can invent, and that’s what
this book is about.

Step one: Find a mystery.
Step two: Answer it yourself with a name, catchphrase, song and business plan.

For example, any questions you have about dinosaurs should end in answers like Dino,
Roboraptor, Barney or Jackoffasaurus, the lesser-known species. They were big, loud,
annoying and lived in Memphis, where they went on sitcoms and game shows. They
became extinct by moving to France. And that's the story of the Jackoffasaurus
according to Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of South Park.

How did they do it? No matter how many answers there might be to a mystery,
there’s always one more you can add to the mix – yours. Your mystery may be
common knowledge to others but not to you, so what you’re labelling is your own
stupidity, or OOPS: Observation Of Pure Stupidity.


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 59 www.logicalstupidity.com


That, in a nutshell, is the creative process. Selling happens when your particular brand
of stupidity taps into the stupidity of others, which is when it becomes logical:

What was the deal with Jesus? Who killed him and why? Mel Gibson’s ANSWER turns
into The Passion of The Christ. And what if Jesus had a daughter whose bloodline
survived in Europe? Now there’s a genius assumption based on a hairline of evidence.
That answer turns into The Da Vinci Code and this time the logic is supplied courtesy
of Dan Brown. South Park had Jesus and Santa battling it out for control of the
holiday while The Simpsons told it their way. Monty Python set the record straight
with Life of Brian. Even The Bible jumped in with yet another version of what really
happened.

So who’s right? Who’s telling the truth? Who cares! The answers are interesting so
we buy them. The less we know about the subject, the easier it is to fabricate a
plausible and highly commercial answer:

What do we know about dragons & pixies? Not much. Perfect – that can be turned
into Lord of the Rings. What don’t we know about wizards and witches? Enough to
Fill In the Blanks with Harry Potter. The mystery of the Ice Age is at least two
animated movies worth, and solving the Alien mystery turns into ET and X-files.

Do you see what’s going on here? They’re all coming up with their own logical
ANSWERS: Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R – which is why it’s logical – NOW SING!

WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE, WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY
(short song goes here)

So what’s confusing you, and more importantly – can you come up with your own
answers?
• How is it that men are so different from women? That turns into ‘Men are from
Mars’ by John Gray.
• Why would women even need men if they have a Rabbit? That becomes an
episode of Sex in the City.
• What makes women happy? That’s an article in The Sunday Times magazine.

So far we’ve seen where disorders, articles, books, TV shows and movies come from.
What about songs? How have songwriters been using existential innovation as a
songwriting tool?

All the lonely people, where do they all come from?
What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a monster?
Where did I go wrong along the way?
Where do broken hearts go?
Who’s gonna drive you home tonight?
Why?


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 60 www.logicalstupidity.com



Notice how you don’t even need to come up with answers if your questions are
rhetorical enough. There’s no resolution – they just set their confusion to music, and
you could do the same over your chosen medium, which could take the form of a
product or service. How do you turn mysteries into products and then sell them? This
is the job of marketing – to make you aware of mysteries, thereby creating massive
problems that only you can solve:

Do you have any idea how many things can go wrong with your health, family, house,
car, pet or holiday? Are you covered for bird flu? Monkey pox? What if a robber
shows up in your garden? Here’s how we can stop the worry… introducing [your
insurance product].

Did you know that your area is a high-risk postcode for identity theft?
Here’s how we can solve that one…

Do you know that if the pipe carrying water into your house bursts, you’re responsible?
And did you know that it’s happened to 1.5 million homes? That’s right – there is
something to worry about – but for £16 a year you can go back to the blissful state of
ignorance you were in before we told you this.


Do you know how many germs are on your cutting board or toilet seat?
‘GermBgone’ can solve that problem. [produx]

Do you know that the blue fluff you find in your navel causes flatulence?
Get rid of it with FLUFF-OFF. [produx]

Do you know how much rat poo is on your can of beer? Of course not! How could
you, if we never told you? That’s why all our beer cans are now rat-poo free.

Do you know how many babies it takes to produce one bottle of baby oil?
Introducing Baby Oil Zero – ‘no babies used in our products’. [produx]




WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE, WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY
(that same short song again)


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 61 www.logicalstupidity.com


So what new, logically stupid mystery are you unleashing on the world?

Hey! Lets start a girl band who sing in the shower!

Great – what’s the name, catchphrase and song?

Name: The Showeroke girls. [produx]

Why?

Because they sing Karaoke songs in the shower.

That makes absolutely no sense – PERFECT! What’s your catchphrase?

They’re hot, they’re wet, they’re semi-naked…give it up for the Showeroke girls!

Why must they only do Karaoke songs? What if they sing originals as well?

That will be a different band called ‘Girls on Tap’. [produx]

Okay, so where are they? Innovations don’t only have to be new, original and useful,
they also have to exist – they can’t just be ideas.

Fine. Auditions are now happening at www.logicalstupidity.com.


And what’s the song?


SONG 48 JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME . [LYRIX]

WE’LL MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD NAUSEOUS
WITH THE BUBBLEGUM SONGS WE WRITE
AND THEY’LL BE REALLY CATCHY TOO
SO YOU WON’T SLEEP SO WELL AT NIGHT, LIKE

JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME AND WE’LL BE US HAPPILY

YOU KNOW I’M CLUELESS BUT I’M KEEN
DON’T YOU LIKE MY HAPPY LITTLE CUTE FACE?
AND I’M BARELY SEVENTEEN
WITH A SNAPPY LITTLE CATCHPHRASE, LIKE…


1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 62 www.logicalstupidity.com
I have another slightly more serious question:
OOPS: Why can’t you study creativity as a school subject? If it doesn’t exist, make it!
Name: Inspirageology. * [produx / education / syllabus]
Catchphrase: the study of inspiration & imagination.
Song: coming up as soon as I can make it up by breaking it down:
1) Who or what is providing the stimulus that’s creating everything?
2) How does information flow from a stimulus to a receiver?
3) How does information from the past, connect with information from the future?
4) How and why do you act as a medium for unrelated ideas to connect to form
new ideas?
5) How do you play your part in designing the future?
i.e. how exactly does the creative process work?

I’m going to answer this, not by looking it up but by making it up. Why?
- To prove that the formula for innovation actually works.
- There’s not enough information available, or perhaps there is, but the research
is too scary, and
- The less information about what you really want to know, the easier it is to
fabricate a story.
- Guessedge is always more exciting than knowledge.
- This is a musical – I’m in showbiz, not true biz, so I don’t have to be right!
SONG 2 FREEDOM TO LIE . [LYRIX]
AM I REFLECTING THE TRUTH OR MAKING UP FANTASY?
I DON’T THINK THAT I HAVE TO DECIDE
THAT’S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY
THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT SHOWBIZ, NOT TRUEBIZ

SO I GOT THE FREEDOM TO LIE
REFLECTING MY WANTASEE
FREEDOM TO LIE
THAT’S THE NATURE OF THE BIZ
FREEDOM TO LIE
REFLECTING MY FANTASY
FREEDOM TO LIE
I NEVER HAVE TO TELL IT LIKE IT IS

COS WHEN YOU DIGITIZE OR PHOTOSYNTHESIZE
OR JUST THROW IT ALL TOGETHER
IS IT MAGIC OR TECHNOLOGY?
PROPOGANDA, POP MUSIC, POLITICS
OR MERELY MY OPINION?

SUCH A FINE LINE BETWEEN MY MEMORY
OR IS THIS MY IMAGINATION?
MY FORTY GIGABYTE IPOD MEMORY
OR IS THIS MY IMAGINATION?


2. The History Of Professional Bullshitting / PAFYAFFING


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 63 www.logicalstupidity.com
2. The History Of Professional
Bullshitting / PAFYAFFING

(Pulling Advice From Your Ass(pirations) For FINancial Gain)



If unexplainable things start happening around you, like burning bushes, plagues or
climate change and there’s no CNN around with ‘distinctive journalism to bring clarity
to confusion’, then somebody needs to start coming up with answers fast. This is
when the first leaders appeared to explain all mysteries.
They knew how to take advantage of the demand for explanations where there was
nothing but confusion. The leading thinkers would get together for a game of
Balderdash, and the one who could come up with the most Believable Story (BS)
would be voted in as the leader.
In this BS would be written a set of guiding principles to live by.


Nothing has changed. To this day the world is still run by IDIOTS: Institutions for
Decisions Involving Organization & Temporary Solutions.


Leadership, whether it’s from the field of business, politics, psychology, journalism or
scriptwriting is still about being able to fill in the gaps between missing information.
Really good leaders have always been elected and rewarded because of their ability to
create and sell Believable Stories, Best Sellers, Belief Systems, Better Solutions,
Business Strategies and various other Bum Sucks collectively known as BS.
When their stories are no longer believable – i.e. when it becomes obvious that
delusion has set in – they get voted out to make way for a new set of delusions, or
Better Suggestions…


SONG 3 THE KIDS ARE WISING UP . [LYRIX]

THE KIDS ARE WISING UP
THE GENERATION GAP IS GONE
THERE’S NOT MUCH YOU CAN TELL THEM
THEY KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON

THE PARADIGM IS SHIFTING
ROLES ARE REVERSING
BOUNDARIES ARE CRUMBLING
STEREOTYPES ARE SHATTERING


2. The History Of Professional Bullshitting / PAFYAFFING


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 64 www.logicalstupidity.com


Religion, a popular source of belief systems, began to sound delusional when it
couldn’t account for the complexities of the modern world and the variety of moral
dilemmas that resulted – e.g.
‘Thou shalt not covet your neighbour’s wife’. Really? What if she’s hot and clearly
asking for it and your own wife has lost interesting in coveting? And what if her
husband was quite excited about watching you covet his wife? We clearly needed new
leaders who could come up with answers to modern dilemmas – enter Oprah, Dr Phil,
Jerry Springer and their disciples.

Consumerism came to the rescue to offer Better Suggestions for living, like ‘go
shopping’, the sacred text coming from The Argos Catalogue. With over 2400
products to choose from this really was created by divine inspiration – the major
difference being that everything you read was true, provided it was in stock. And to
make sure it stayed true, it would be updated on a regular basis, to move with the
times. The scriptures couldn’t compete with this kind of flexibility.

Indeed ‘go shopping’ (the message to the American public directly after 9/11) would
provide the solution to all kinds of world problems, mostly because it filled the spiritual
gap previously filled by religion: the sensation of feeling more alive really did come
from a new car or a new pair of shoes.
Attending the synagogue of Sex and the City and listening to the powerful sermons
from Carrie Bradshaw and her disciples really did move you deeply in your soul.

But consumerism needed to go further than just spiritual upliftment. It also needed to
deal with the guilt of being privileged in a world so full of poverty. How could it be
okay to complain that your seared tuna steak was overdone when everyone’s starving
in Africa? Something also needed to be done about the guilt. While religion offered
the pray-as-you-go system to hit the altruistic spot, consumerism came up with the
pay-as-you-go system. The campaign was simple:
Throw money at the problem and you could make it go away and clear your
conscience at the same time. All thanks to the introduction of Carbon Offset or
ASOWL tax – Altruistic Sense Of Wellbeing & Love TAX.

Global warming? No problem – throw some tax at the problem and your conscience is
clear. With ASOWL tax you no longer have to feel guilty about how much CO2 is
coming from the exhaust pipe of your 4x4 or 747, not when you’re paying for other
people to take care of the problem.
Not that anyone can, but when you’re at an awareness-raising rock concert at
Wembley, it really does feel like you’re making a difference. In fact, the ASOWL tax
system is the solution to all global problems…


Buy the book to find out how!


3. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code - Dreams 'n' Aspirations


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 65 www.logicalstupidity.com
3. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code –
Dreams 'n' Aspirations

…and the creative applications – e.g.

‘I wish my crappy car was a sports car,’ and
VROOM! – ‘Pimp my Ride’ comes along.

‘I wish there were biscuits that could help me digest food,’ and
POOF! – we have digestive biscuits.

‘I wish I was younger,’ and
YOUTH! – ‘40 is the new 20’ becomes an advertising catchphrase.

‘I wish I was free to follow my dreams and create the world I wanted,’ and
FREEDOM! – ‘Just do it’ becomes a tagline.

‘I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair,’ and
Internet Sensation on MYSPACE! – Sandy Thom has a massive hit.

‘I wish I could do the same, but I have nothing much to say. I wish I could be
inspired in some way…’

O SPARX 3: DESCRIBE THE SYMPTOMS OF THE PROBLEM THEN WISH IT AWAY

SONG 4 WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE
. [LYRIX]
I WISH I HAD SOMETHING TO SAY
THAT WOULD MAKE YOU STOP AND THINK AND GO ‘WHAT? NO WAY!’
BUT I GOT NOTHING, ZIP
HAVEN’T EVEN GOT A CLUE
AS I’M THINKING, TALKING TO YOU
I’M JUST MAKING IT UP AS I GO ALONG
SO I CAN TAKE YOU TO THE CATCHY PART OF MY SONG
THAT GOES SOMETHING LIKE

IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE PLAY ON
I AGREE, BUT NOT THE SAME OLD SONG
CHANGE THE RHYTHM
PLAY ME A WHOLE NEW MELODY
LET ME DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT
TO CHANGE IT ALL AROUND

WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE
I NEED A LITTLE BIT OF HEAVENLY INSPIRATION
WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE
TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW…


3. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code - Dreams 'n' Aspirations


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 66 www.logicalstupidity.com


O SPARX 4: JUMP TO A CONCLUSION BASED ON LITTLE EVIDENCE


O SPARX 5: WHAT’S THE BIG GLAMOROUS IDEA?

D 'n' A makes you STUBID: Specially Talented from a Unique Blessing In Disguise.
Once you know your Dreams 'n' Aspirations, you’re awarded all kinds of special talents,
like how to:

1. Think fast
2. Make connections that only you can see
3. Remember what you need to remember
4. Forget what you can happily forget
5. Run your life based on what you want to believe –
not what people like you are supposed to believe
6. Fantasize: O SPARX 6: USE FLEXIGRAMS TO FANTASIZE

• How the human mind has unlimited thought capacity.

• Why we’re like ants – we’re building some kind of anthill like we know what we
need without a clue as to what we’re building.

7. Use your SKIL: Specialised Knowledge of Intuitive Leadership

• How do you know what you know?

• What’s your idiot savant index? Geniuses and idiot savants have access to
private information that makes them do certain things brilliantly and other things
idiotically. So do the rest of us! We’re all special cases.


What kind of exclusive information do you have access to and how can you use it?


3. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code - Dreams 'n' Aspirations


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 67 www.logicalstupidity.com



Where does the fuel for innovation come from?

Your wantasee is your own collection of ideas based entirely on the way you want to
see things. It’s pre-programmed by your D 'n' A – Dreams 'n' Aspirations, which
come from your ancient past.

When your D 'n' A doesn’t happen for various reasons beyond your control, you
become stressed out, causing ART – Automatic Radical Thoughts, which are
DANGEROUS: Depressing Angry Non-Generic Exclusive Risky Outrageous Unique
Sad.

The negative thoughts working against your positive D 'n' A creates a volatile fuel,
essential for innovation. The battle between these two forces is what your internal
struggle is all about, and the only way to deal with it is to follow your wantasee:



SONG 5 YOUR WANTASEE . [LYRIX]

IT'S AMAZING WHAT YOU FIND IN YOUR ANALYTICAL MIND
THINGS THAT YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW
DON'T NEED TO SEE
AND DON'T YOU WISH THERE'D BE SOME MEDICINE
THAT WOULD TAKE THE PAIN AWAY?
WELL HELLO THERE IS

IT'S YOUR WANTASEE
THE WAY YOU WISH THAT THE WORLD COULD BE
THAT'S YOUR WANTASEE
THE WAY YOU REARRANGE REALITY
SO MUCH MORE THAN A POINT OF VIEW
IT’S THE WHOLE WORLD ACCORDING TO YOU



Let’s get into the intricate details of how it all happens:


4. The Two Trains of Thought - Circle & Destination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 68 www.logicalstupidity.com
4. The Two Trains of Thought –
Circle & Destination

Our thoughtmosphere is mapped out like The London underground – there are circular
arguments that spiral to nowhere but are useful for transport to destination
arguments.

But what’s different about the thoughtmosphere is that it’s multidimensional – at any
point you’re free to hop on your own train of thought to take you to a place nobody’s
ever been before – your wantasee, the way you want to see things. These are the
trains that lead to innovation…
A wantasee is your own train of thought, but no matter how original it is, it has to
come from another train travelling on a circular line of thought, called a SCLITMOH:
Sources Conveniently Lost In The Mist Of History…
These are the arguments and assumptions learned by OSKNOWSIS that are so old it’s
impossible to trace the source. They’re not good, bad, right or wrong. They’re simply
‘common thread’ arguments that connect minds through ‘common knowledge’.
Just like the circular train lines (or the North Circular / M25) they carry passengers in
opposite directions and nobody travels for more than a half circle before exiting for
their destination, unless they don’t know how the system works, in which case they’ll
go around in circles forever.

In the thoughtmosphere you can’t stay on them for too long because they spiral to
nowhere (even eternal bliss will get boring after a while), which means they’re only
useful for transport to wantasee or for ‘finding yourself’ trains of thought that take you
to ‘innovation’ destinations.

Opposite direction circular arguments connect everyone, which is why they make up
the basic plots of horoscopes, movies, advertising campaigns, self-help books,
conference titles or advice in general:
Grow up and get real Discover the child within
Settle down Live it up
Save & invest Live like there’s no tomorrow
Balance / moderation is the key to life Live fast, die young
Just do it Just get someone else to do it / Delegate!
It’s your fault It’s not your fault
You’re a worthless piece of crap in the cosmos You’re the centre of the universe
Ignorance is bliss Information is everything
Go with the flow Stand up for what you believe
Think inside the paradox Think outside the box
Be yourself Be somebody else
That’s just the way it is It doesn’t have to be this way
Good things come to those who wait Get what you want NOW! But you gotta
want it!
You can’t control the past or future It’s not about NOW – it’s about the future!
so live for NOW
These are just some of the circular arguments you would have to use as transport to
your exit that leads to a destination of your choice.


5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 69 www.logicalstupidity.com
5. Mental GPS –
Follow Your Fascination

Mental GPS works by following your fascination. Learn to use it and you’ll get swept
away on a current of creativity.

Coming up - answers to BIG QUESTIONS:
• How do we ‘get ideas’?
• How do thoughts travel?
• How do they collide to form ideas?
• How do thoughts become atoms?
• How does simultaneous thought happen between people in different parts of the
thoughtmosphere?
• How coincidental are coincidences?
• Is there a limit to what we can think?
• How exactly is the flow of information in our thoughtmosphere related to the
mysterious forces running our luniverse?
• What happens when information from the past connects with information from the
future – via you?
• Just how close is insanity to genius and what happens if we erase the line?
• Who or what keeps sending me messages and why to me? I know that the events
of my dreams and the real world are the courier service but who’s the sender?
Who’s providing the script for our dreams and the stimulus for our ART (Automatic
Radical Thoughts)?
g
From: thestimulus@luniverse.com
To: petergreenwall@physicalworld.com
CC: god@metaphysicalworld.com, you@whereverUR.com
Subject: The answer to your question
Date: NOW

How am I going to answer all these questions?
By making up answers that are based on reality, but inspired by professional
bullshitting – creative non-fiction, calculated guessing, pseudo science, fantasy
theories. It’s this combination of logic and stupidity that makes thought navigation
possible.

To break through knowledge barriers, it’s vital that we send reconnaissance parties of
travel writers into dangerous unknown metaphysical territory to gather vital combat
intelligence. For those interested, I’ve organised such a party and if you’re brave and
stupid enough you’re welcome to come along.

If not then skip to the next chapter and wait for the rest of us there.

If you’re insane enough to follow me on this inventure, then go back and read the
warning on Page 12 and let's go:


5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 70 www.logicalstupidity.com



O SPARX 8: CHECK YOUR INSANITY QUOTIENT –
YOU MIGHT BE A GENIUS


‘If you're the only guy out there doing something, everybody questions your sanity’
- Paul Moller, who’s still trying to invent the VTOL personal sky car after 40 years.

This is the kind of ‘insanity’ I’m talking about. The kind caused by obsessive passion-
following. The kind that Steve Jobs spoke about at the D5 conference with Bill Gates
(31/5/07):

‘What we do is so hard that any rational person would give up. Those who are
successful love what they did so they persevered. The ones who didn’t love it quit
because they’re sane. Who would want to put up with this stuff if you don’t love it?’



SONG 31 WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY? . [LYRIX]

LOVING YOUR LIFE IS ALL YOU NEED FOR SURVIVING…




O SPARX 9: ERASE THE LINE BETWEEN GENIUS & INSANITY –
USING GOOGLEDASH





5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 71 www.logicalstupidity.com
O SPARX 10: MONITOR YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE ®4☺
Talk to your imaginary friends / dysfunctions, then transcribe the conversation.
(But get a Bluetooth headset if you’re going to talk out loud in public places.)



mMMovies dilog wMoviePitch ‘Voices’
Sketch title: Dysfunctional Inspiration -‘My dysfunction wants 20%’
The script for this movie is a direct transcription from my
internal dialogue that just happened a few seconds ago, so it's
based on a true story:

The scene - a conversation booth in Starbucks. I’m writing on my
laptop and other people in my booth are doing the same. A Voice
Over reads my thoughts as I write them.
VO: All creators - scientists, philosophers, scriptwriters =
inventors of any kind must have had dialogues with the
metaphysical (metalogues) before revealing any of their
discoveries. And what’s more, these conversations could have
carried on for years before they came up with things like ‘I
think, therefore I am’, ‘big bang’, ‘atoms’, ‘gravity’,
‘telephone’, ‘satellite navigation’, ‘beer in a can’, ‘sliced
bread’, ‘bread with the crust taken off’.
How long did they keep silent about these discoveries before
talking about them? Who was Einstein talking to when he first
came up with E = mc
2
? Is the only difference between genius and
insanity a matter of decibels?
[Cut to a shot of someone sitting alone, talking loudly on a
Bluetooth headset, using his hands and getting worked up.]
With Bluetooth earpieces getting smaller, how do you know who’s
insane and who’s on the phone?
[Cut to a shot of people on laptops, instant messaging from
myspace and other social networking sites.]
What makes it okay to talk to your imaginary friends on myspace,
but not to the imaginary characters you create for your movie
script, cartoon or painting?
[Cut to a shot of a child speaking to her doll, clearly lost in a
moment of imagination.]

Why is it okay for kids to talk out loud to imaginary friends,
but not adults? What does it mean to have ‘a healthy
imagination’? What are we supposed to be thinking about? And
why can’t we always control what we think about? Even more
importantly - who exactly am I talking to as I write this?
There’s nobody here and yet I’m talking to someone, because this
Voice Over you’re listening to wasn’t around when I wrote this,
was it? And nor were you. So there’s definitely an internal
stimulus providing the entertainment. Who’s there? Yes, YOU!
Whose thoughts are these that I find so entertaining? If they’re
mine, then is this a form of narcissistic personality disorder?
Could I be schizophrenic? Or is it just regular multiple
personality disorder? I tell you what... All of you disorders
can discuss this amongst yourselves and I’ll just take notes.
How’s that?


5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 72 www.logicalstupidity.com

[At this point the people sitting in my conversation booth
become my various dysfunctions (D1- D4), and I have it out with
them.]

D1: Brilliant.

D2: Thank you.

D3: Hey, that was my idea!

D2: No it wasn’t. I thought of it first.

D1 (to me): Are you getting this?

ME: Absolutely, every word. In fact I’ve been taking notes
since we started. Where do think this whole book comes from?

D1: But I didn’t say you could!

ME: I don’t need your permission; as my dysfunctions you’re my
muse. That’s your job - to inspire and entertain me.

D2: Oh you think this is funny, do you? You think all your
disorders are a big joke, don’t you?

ME (laughing): Well actually, yes I do. Did you hear that?
That was me laughing. That’s how I know it’s funny. Would you
rather I took you lot to therapy, because I will you know. My
whole family says I should go.

D4 (sings): They tried to make me go to therapy; I say NO NO
NO.

ME: Not funny. That’s it, we’re going to therapy.

D3: No No NO, no therapy, please! Remember what happened last
time.

ME: Exactly, so let's not go there. I’ll just keep
entertaining all my thoughts.

D4: You mean us.

ME: Yes, you guys...and you’ll carry on entertaining me, just
as you do. And we’ll work together to write a book about
innovation. What do you say?

D1: Yeah whatever.

ME: What do you mean 'whatever'?

D1 & D3 together: We don’t care what you...sorry, go ahead.

D1: I was just going to say that we don’t care what you write
about because, either way, we’re going to be involved. You’re
nothing without us, which is why we want commission.

ME: Commission? What are we talking here?

D3: 20%.

ME: Fuck that! No personality disorder ever got 20%. The
standard is 10.



5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 73 www.logicalstupidity.com


D4: There’s loads of us to feed here.

ME: Well just how many disorders have I got?

D2: Everything that’s known about...you’ve got ‘em all, my
friend. Plus at least another 10 you invented yourself, you
twat. Why did you do that? What were you thinking? You don’t
think there’s enough of us?

ME: I needed more inspiration. Okay look, 15%, no more.

[All the dysfunctions turn back into real people, reading and
sitting at their laptops.]

Real person: Excuse me? Did you ask me something?

Me: Uhm, no, I didn’t say anything.

D1: 20% or we all shut the fuck up and you’ll have nothing to
feed off.

ME: Okay, okay, 20%.

D2: Plus a credit in the book and freeze frames on the rolling
titles when it’s made into a movie.

ME: No freeze frames. That’s just for the producer, the
cinematography, the director...

D4: And who do you think is directing the movie of your mind?
Huh? Who do you think came up with the whole dysfunctional idea
in the first place?

ME: I thought I got that from Larry David.

D2: And who do you think gave him that idea? Huh? That was
me! His MPD!

ME: Well just how many people are you working for here?

D3: The entire film industry.

ME: What?

D3: I have loads of clients, and not just scriptwriters either.
You should see my resume - I’ve worked for religion writers,
philosophers, scientists, murderers...

ME: Murderers? You mean you might make me do a Cho Seung Hui
just so I can express myself?

D3: Actually, I don’t do those anymore. That would be Freddy.
He was responsible for that one, sick bastard.

ME: Who’s Freddy? Where’s Freddy?

D4: We fired him. Creative differences.

ME: Well, how do I know he won’t come back? How do I know you
guys won’t go nasty on me?

D1: Oh we definitely will if you don’t make us famous.



5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 74 www.logicalstupidity.com

D3: We want fame, lots of it. We want to live forever in books
and movies, and we want freeze frame credits. We’re tired of
working the backroom of your mind, never being acknowledged, all
our best takes getting cut.

ME: Okay, I’ll give you freeze frame credits. Who are they?

D4: I’ll give you a list.

D2: I want mine big, like ‘BASED ON IDEAS BY PETER GREENWALL’S
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER’.

ME: No way! That’s just embarrassing. I’m not doing that.
Isn’t it enough that I mention you all in the book? Like in
the ‘acknowledgements’ section?
How about I just transcribe this conversation and that way
people will know it’s you doing all the thinking, not me.

D3: Freeze frames or we go on strike!

ME: Okay, okay! Hey, did I mention that I love you guys?
Thanks to you I can fill a whole book without doing any research
or talking to any real people, did you know that?

D4: Of course we knew that. But you should still get a
girlfriend. People are starting to talk.

ME: Why? You’re like the best friends I ever had.

D1: Okay, now you’re starting to scare me, and I’m your
dysfunction. You can’t live your whole life with us. You need
real friends, and a family of your own. Get a life!

ME: But you guys piss me off just like a real girlfriend and a
real family!

D2: Dude, you seriously need to get a life. We’re not your
family.



Now see, that back and forth with my dysfunctions you just witnessed didn’t just
happen overnight.

It took years to figure out how to use my internal dialogue as a stimulus for creation,
and now you can do it too.

Every time you hear yourself saying something like ‘this is doing my head in’ or ‘I can’t
cope’, ‘I’m heading for a breakdown’, etc., is really a time you should be saying ‘we
need to talk’, which is when you have it out with your ‘people’, and then transcribe it
like I just did.



5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 75 www.logicalstupidity.com




Issues = misalignment = innovation opportunity ®4☺




The internal dialogue is the source of all questions, like: are these voices you just
heard normal or are they the ones that make you certifiable? How different are they
to the ones that give instructions to humans to kill their fellow humans, or to create
religions and scientific discoveries?

If shrinks were around to send the first inventors to loony bins, would we have missed
out on religion, science, philosophy, feng shui, tennis, television, kitchen tiles and all
other man-made wonders of the world?

I feel a movie coming on, triggered by the following contradiction: if anybody today
claims they’re being spoken to by God, they’d be considered to have serious
psychological problems, so how did Moses & Co get away with it? What’s the
difference between now and then?

Why can’t I claim that my book of creation was inspired by the word of God? Why is
nobody updating the Bible with more additional words from God? Why has the cat got
God’s tongue all of a sudden? Or is He talking to many, but nobody’s brave enough to
admit it?

This is where R&D therapy comes in to help – you get to answer all your rhetorical
questions yourself by setting your confusion to music, products and movies. So
where’s the movie in this misalignment? Here it is…



5. Mental GPS - Follow Your Fascination


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 76 www.logicalstupidity.com


mMMovies dilog wMoviePitch Moses in Therapy


The scene - God has recently completed the universe, seen that
‘it was good’, mostly, except for one colossal error: He forgot
to install a belief system in mankind that would maintain peace
and harmony between all His creations. Figuring the best way
to install the belief system would be by word of mouth, he
opens a dialogue with a few chosen prophets to see who could be
trusted to spread His word around. After an intensive
interviewing process involving IQ tests and the ability to
slaughter animals, the selection is narrowed down to a final
cut of 12. One of the prophets, Moses, is not happy with what
he’s been asked to do, and seeks professional help to deal with
his issues with God. This is where we pick up the action:

Put the writers of religions in therapy and have them battle
through their issues with their psychologist, psychiatrist,
psychoanalyst, Dr Phil, Jerry Springer (‘God talks to me’),
psychic healer or whichever counselling method you know most
about, because you’re going to ask the questions. Whatever
field of therapy you choose, assume that it was just as
advanced back then as it is now. Also assume that smoking
cannabis was the most popular recreational activity at the
time. Now start questioning, assessing, diagnosing, treating
and rehabilitating various kinds of mental illness – it’s all
up to you to cure your patient by explaining what the voices
are and how they should be interpreted, thereby changing the
course of history in the process.
Choose any prophet and text you like, creating your own
subheading under the title of ‘[name of messenger] in therapy’.

NOTES: Be very careful which questions you choose and how you
frame them.
In the interest of global safety and security, prophet Mohammed
is off limits for this project. Also note that you’ll be
slightly safer questioning your own Belief System than the BS
of others, but not by much.
Always bear in mind that it’s a fine line between curiosity,
comedy and blasphemy. Think Bruce & Evan Almighty, South Park,
Simpsons, Life of Brian or any of your favourite authors who
have put religion on trial without a Salmon Rushdie ordeal.
We’re all dying to see your take. Remember that your ‘fiction’
disclaimer will protect you! Now get creative and upload your
version.




6. Guessedge - Knowledge In Progress


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 77 www.logicalstupidity.com
6. Guessedge –
Knowledge In Progress

How the universe runs on subjectivity - i.e. your personal BIAS: Belief In A Solution.
Why do we bother to make or say anything at all?
Where does the desire of self-expression come from?
All can be explained by way of the three desires of guessedge or self-expression:

1) To figure things out on our own.
2) To express that thing to someone.
3) To be right / accepted.

Am I right? Sure I am. Now pay me.

Only once your guessedge is validated, can it become knowledge, and there’s usually a
pay cheque involved. So how much are your opinions worth?

Guessedge explains why:

Adam took a bite of the apple.
The chicken crossed the road.
Nothing beats genuine self-help.
We like stories, brainteasers, quiz shows, gambling.
We like social networking – e.g. facebook, myspace, youtube.
We like interactive media – news opinion polls, voting on X-factor & Big Brother.
We don’t like manuals or asking for directions.
The most popular books of all time (such as The Bible or the Ikea catalogue) don’t
have bibliographies.

Why? Because being interesting is more important than being accurate.
Why? Because we’re after hysterical accuracy; not historical accuracy.
Why? Because guessedge is more exciting than knowledge.
Why? Because subjectivity runs the universe:
Only one person can break things down and see connections like you can. The
universe somehow knows this, which is why it has sneaky ways of getting you to
express yourself via these three desires, which is why we discuss them in detail.

The only way to turn guessedge into knowledge is to throw it up and watch it fly:

SONG 6 THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY . [LYRIX]

IT’S A HIT OR A FLOP OR IT’S OVER THE TOP
OR IT SUCKS AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHY
IS IT HIP IS IT HOT
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT
UNTIL YOU THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 78 www.logicalstupidity.com
7. The Movie of Your Mind

What’s showing on yours and how are you directing it?

ART – Automatic Radical Thoughts – comes from having serious creative differences
with ‘the big producer in the sky’ but you can’t walk off the set, and this is what the
internal struggle is all about.

The script you’re given is hysterical or highly dramatic but you can’t act it out because
it would be frowned upon, too embarrassing, offensive, not PC or you’d get arrested or
killed.
So what happens? All the really dramatic and funny thoughts get cut and all the polite
bullshit comes out instead.

So, what we’re going to do is get inside the editing room of your mind, find all the
scenes that you cut, and put them put them back together so you can write your best
material.


15 Movies of My Mind – how would you direct them?

1) Explode your overload on people who freak you out

Three movies you’re going to direct in order to explode your overload:

a) Explode your overload – this is a general freak-out at someone for a specific
reason.
b) Celebrity Chicken – yes, you have celebs who irritate the @£$% out of you.
But faced with a real live encounter, would you tell them that to their face?
c) Celebrity Role Reversal – you need to be an actual celebrity for this one.

mMMovies dilog ‘


Do I know you?’

(The Paul McCartney sketch, though feel free to substitute a celeb of your choice.)


mMMovies {shtix dilog
2) Motivational speaker hell
If I start saying things that don’t make sense, and then to make
it worse I start repeating myself, what are you going to do?



mMMovies
3) Life-threatening situations: The DuMBLBIT Dilemma:
‘Does My Bum Look Big In This?’ The solution



7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 79 www.logicalstupidity.com


The porno movie of your mind (male director): 5 sketches:



mMmovies viz dilog {shtix
4) Honesty is the key to a good relationship, but if that doesn’t work...



mMMovies viz dilog {shtix
5) The Swedish Aupair - what’s your angle of approach?




mMMovies dilog {shtix
6) Isn’t she just edible? (picking up yummy mums 1a)



mMMovies dilog {shtix
7) The Gatecrasher
The problem with gate crashing a party is that you don’t know
who’s attached to who, which makes it difficult to hook up
with anyone. You can’t go around asking people if they’re
single, so you have to fire off loads of questions and fake
interest in answers until you hear something like ‘yeah I was
just telling my boyfriend that...’ which would be your cue to
get a drink at the bar. It would be so much easier if you
could just make a short speech:
[Tapping on glass.] ‘Listen up, people. I have an
announcement: I gate-crashed this party, which automatically
makes me the mysterious guy, as in ‘ooh someone that’s not
from the crowd you know, exciting’. Now here’s the deal. I
came here looking to hook up with someone...like tonight,
possibly even take things further if things work out. So to
save us all time, energy and embarrassment, by show of hands,
who of you lovely ladies are single? I said lovely ladies, so
you, you and you can put your hands down. No not you, you’re
okay...the girl behind you. Yes you...could put your hand
down please. Excellent. Now if you could all hold that pose
while I take a picture for future reference...don’t move.
[Click.] Terrific, thanks for your time, carry on
socialising.’
Not going to happen, is it? Meshugganah movies like these
have to get cut from real life and redirected to Wedding
Crasher / Dumb & Dumber type movies. (Possibly even ‘Curb
Your Enthusiasm’ if George Costanza made a guest appearance.)
This is your chance to shoot it your way. Just do it!





7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 80 www.logicalstupidity.com



mMMovies dilog
8) Unzip Me – The porno movie of her mind (for female directors)


SONG 7 UNZIP ME . [LYRIX]

YOU WANNA WHAT ME?
DID I HEAR YOU CORRECTLY?
DON’T LET YOUR MOUTH WRITE CHEQUES
THAT YOUR BODY CANNOT CASH
RATHER GIVE ME YOUR CREDIT CARD
COS THAT’S ALWAYS HARD
WHEN I NEED IT TO BE
AND I’M NOT IN THE MOOD TONIGHT
FOR YOUR TESTOSTERONE
MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARING ON ME

SO UNZIP ME BABY
SET ME FREE
LET ME SHOW YOU ROUND MY BODY
YOU’RE GOING DOWN
YOU’RE GOING DOWN ON ME X 2

BABY LET ME WRAP MY LEGS AROUND YOU
LEMME FEEL YOUR BODY ROCK TILL YOU HEAR ME SCREAM
GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME X 2
UNZIP ME BABY SET ME FREE
VIVA LA BEAVER FEVER
YOU’RE GOING DOWN ON ME
UNZIP ME BABY … YOU’RE GOING DOWN ON ME





mMMovies viz
9) The wave and run – how to avoid stop & chats




7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 81 www.logicalstupidity.com

mMMovies {shtix dilog
10) How are you doing?
What if you were to answer the checkout person properly?
‘I’m good thanks, and you?’ Bullshit. You’re far from good.
Let's take a look at what’s going on with you:
Well actually you know, I’m not having such a good day. I
have my mother-in-law staying with me, making me buy all these
things that I wouldn’t normally buy, and giving me advice on
how to run my life; telling me I don’t know how to discipline
my children properly, and that they eat badly. So here I am
buying things that I know they don’t like. I mean look at
these things – carrots, celery, leeks. THEY’RE ALL GOING TO
DIE! ‘Granny you killed the kids.’ Are you happy now?

And just like that, you’ve created the parody title of a new
movie. All because you unloaded your ART instead of
suppressing it all with: ‘I’m good thanks’.
The movie of your mind started in drama and ended in a real
movie; a comedy based on the universal theme of grandmothers
who create havoc in families when they come to stay.
wMoviePitch: Granny you killed the kids.




11) Your principles vs. the Ten Commandments



mMMovies {shtix
12) Winning the lottery (in your mind)



13) Brainstorming – why some ideas are too ridiculous

It’s inevitable, the leader of the brainstorm session will
eventually say: ‘Come on guys, no idea is too ridiculous.’

What happens? You think of ideas so ridiculous you’d get
fired if you suggested them. Like this one: ‘Since every
suggestion we come up with only means more work for the same
salary, how about we all stop making suggestions and you just
double our salaries?’

So it appears there are some ideas that are too ridiculous -
the really good ones - the stuff that’s too hot for release,
or if they do come out it’s around the water cooler, and they
make everyone laugh, right up until someone says: ‘No, but
seriously...’

O SPARX 12: WATCH OUT FOR THE PHRASE ‘NO, BUT SERIOUSLY…’
Start monitoring all conversations that end with ‘no, but
seriously’, ‘jokes aside’ and ‘you can’t possibly do that’.
You’ll find your best ideas in conversations that explore the
absurd.


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 82 www.logicalstupidity.com

{Shtix
14) Laughter – the cause of The Big Bang
O SPARX 13: MONITOR KEY MOMENTS OF LAUGHTER

{Shtix 4Just4Jews
15) The Day of Atonement – more evidence that stupidity is beyond our control

Just because we seem to be able to direct the movie of our
mind, doesn’t mean we’re any good at it.
We still make huge embarrassing mistakes that will have to be
accounted and apologised for at some point. In fact,
stupidity is so out of control that all religions have a way
of dealing with it: everything can be rectified by confession
and asking for forgiveness, i.e. atonement.

As far as my religion goes, the opportunity comes in the form
of Yom Kippur or Day of Atonement, when we ask for forgiveness
for exactly the same mistakes we make every year - apparently
we just don’t learn.
That in itself is the cause of more internal struggle: how
can I apologise like I mean it when I know I’m coming back the
following year to apologise for exactly the same mistakes?
How can I expect God to take me seriously when I’m back for
the 28th time? (Pre bar mitzvah doesn’t count.)
Every year I manage to find a new way to break every rule in
the book. That makes me either highly creative or a
pathological nutcase. What the hell is wrong with me? In any
other court of law I’d be locked away forever on my 3
rd

offence!
Nevertheless, Yom Kippur is very good for creative therapy,
because at least once a year you’re forced to reflect on
exactly how stupid you’ve been, and to openly admit that:

1) We are not producing the movie of the mind - we’re clearly
having Automatic Radical Thoughts.

2) Our interpretation of the script will always make us do
stupid things.

3) We can’t be trusted to apologise on our own - it must done
at an official gathering in synagogue, with others who are
just as guilty of doing stupid things like you, or else it
won’t count.
(You can tell who’s done the stupidest things - they’re the
guys punching their chest the hardest in the Al Chayt
section.)

That’s how seriously out of whack we are. It’s this wackiness
that you need to focus on as it reveals your STUBID, which
needs to come out. How do we do that?



7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 83 www.logicalstupidity.com
RELEASING THE MOVIE OF YOUR MIND: your disclaimer will set you free

THE ARTIST & BUSINESS DISCLAIMER – The lie that protects you

1) THE ARTIST DISCLAIMER {shtix

The formal version of ‘relax, I’m just kidding with you’ is called ‘the artist disclaimer’.
You see it at the end of movies or sitcoms and usually it goes something like this: ‘any
correlation between this movie and reality is purely coincidental’.

This lie has been designed to protect the artist, who can now expose the truth through
the genre of ‘fiction’ simply by giving fictional names to real characters from the artist’s
life.

Examples:

Disclaimer: Scott Adams has no connection to the character of Dilbert. That boss was
never his and what’s more, he’s never met any of those colleagues before.
LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE

Disclaimer: The fictional characters in the Simpsons do not represent the stereotype of
every group or culture in America or the rest of the world. We have no idea why
multiple layers of humour translate into every culture across the globe. It’s just a
cartoon, okay? LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE

Disclaimer: Zapiro’s cartoons are not related to real events in South Africa.
LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE

Disclaimer: ‘Logical Stupidity’ is a fictitious comedy musical. Anything that turns out to
be true is purely coincidental. LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE

The artist disclaimer is therefore a very important lie, since it allows you to tell the
truth. This logically stupid device is the ultimate way to expose contradictions, see the
funny side of everything, destroy all cultural barriers and expose all kinds of stupidity
in yourself and others. What kind of stupidity? Xenophobia, homophobia, sexism,
racism, whateverism within your belief system or others. If you’re a comic genius like
Sacha Baron Cohen you can do it all in 3 characters:
Borat, Ali G & Bruno.

The artist disclaimer is also the most effective way to release your alter ego or sub
personality. You do it naturally every time you role-play, speak in a strange voice or
put on a foreign accent. But if you want to become a professional bullshitter you’re
going to need to define your characters. That means you’re going to need an Ali G,
Vicky Pollard, Lou & Andy, the boss from ‘The Office’ or a ‘Dilbert’ to express your
frustrations at work. But these are all taken, so make up your own!

You could start by calling your character 'M. Barass'. Now every time you do, say or
see something embarrassing, write it down and let M. Barras say it for you, so you
don’t have to embarrass yourself.

Whatever character you choose, your disclaimer will always protect you!
(terms & conditions apply)


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 84 www.logicalstupidity.com



2) THE BUSINESS DISCLAIMER {shtix

The business disclaimer comes in the form of Terms & Conditions (T&C) and has a
dual purpose:

1) To make your product ‘kosher’.

2) To give your customers ideas they would never have thought of had they not read
your disclaimer or warning. For example:

The use of Yahoo groups to trade naked pictures of yourself or your ex-
girlfriend is strictly forbidden. You may also not use a webcam to show your
willy to anyone.



Knowing that your disclaimer will always protect you, gives you the freedom to sing:

ADDsonge . from WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE

WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE; WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY

YOU KNOW IT’S A RUSE
SO MANY LIES
AND THEN YOU BECOME THE VERY THING THAT YOU DESPISE / ADMIRE

DON’T YOU THINK WE LOOK RIDICULOUS DOING WHAT WE DO
OH BUT WE’RE SERIOUS ABOUT REVENUE

WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE
WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 85 www.logicalstupidity.com




O SPARX 15: YOU GOTTA GET GOOD @ GUESSEDGE

ADDsonge . GOT TO GET GOOD AT GUESSING

Before we get going on how to get good at guessing, be aware that you’re doing it
already – every time you’re forced to make sense of something that doesn’t make
sense. For example:

You’re trying to follow directions but you can’t read your writing, or there’s traffic.
You’re trying to follow a recipe but you don’t have all the ingredients.
You’re doing paint-by-numbers but you don’t have all the colours.
You’re trying to assemble an Ikea flat-pack, but you’re having trouble, because:
• You have a few mysterious parts or missing parts or you’ve already used the
parts for something else.
• The manual is just not right.
• You’re just a little bit stupid.


With all situations like this, you’re going to have to go with an informed guess. You
can never learn from mistakes, because each mistake you make is unique.

When you can’t phone a friend and you can’t look it up on Google, you’re forced to use
guessedge.

Now that you know you’re doing it already, here are 4 warm up exercises to prepare
for the ProBull League: Professional Bullshitting League, otherwise known as
PIFYAFFING: Pulling Ideas From Your Aspirations For FINancial Gain.


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 86 www.logicalstupidity.com



mMMovies {shtix dilog

O SPARX 16: PLAY TOUR GUIDE
Imagine you’re an actor working a part-time job as a tour
guide for a London sightseeing company, catering exclusively
for Japanese tourists. They understand English but they know
nothing about London or British Culture. With a wild
imagination like yours there’s no possible way you could play
it straight. Off you go...

¤PiX: London Eye with caption: ‘London’s Big Bicycle Wheel’.

...and on our left, across the Zambezi river, is the Big
Bicycle Wheel. Constructed in 1999 under the code name
‘London Eye’, it was designed to encourage more cyclists to
commute, not only to promote a healthier London but also to
solve the congestion problem.
st
On the 31 of January 2003, Sally Newyear, a big beautiful
woman who got tired of feeling guilty about not cycling to
work, decided to blow it up, but her plot was foiled and to
this day we celebrate New Years Eve with a fireworks display
over the Big Bicycle Wheel.
This is why Big Beautiful Women in London don't celebrate New
Years Eve but BBW day the next day, where they get together
with their families for picnics in parks that have views of
the Big Bicycle Wheel. It didn’t take long for BBW to become
the international symbol for not having to cycle anywhere,
because the wheel doesn’t go anywhere either.
Other cities soon followed the example, choosing various other
big beautiful round things to celebrate their freedom day -
balloons, stadiums, globes, etc. And if they couldn’t find
anything, then the sun would do just fine, and if there was no
sun then the moon, and if neither were visible because they
were inside, then a massive round plate of food would do the
job. You probably haven’t heard of this because BBW is not
that big in Japan...

[Director notes - feel free to play tour guide with any
tourist attractions wherever you live. Or play tour guide to
a visitor/new recruit of your office/house - any story you can
make up that your tourist would never know the difference.]




7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 87 www.logicalstupidity.com
mMMovies {shtix dilog
O SPARX 17: PLAY INTERPREATION (CREATIVE INTERPRETATION)
Also known as ‘what is it?’ or ‘what the F£$%^ does the artist
mean by this?’

>PiX/Cartoon: A finger painting signed ‘Van Gogh – adult’.
>PiX/Cartoon: A Dali painting signed ‘Dali – sane person’.

Go to a modern art gallery. Instead of reading the
inscription at the bottom explaining exactly what technique
and inspiration the artist used, make up your own.
To help you do that, you can sing this reggae song:


ADDsonge . - REGGAE GROOVE

WHAT IS IT PUPPYDOG, WHAT IS IT? X 2
WHO’S THAT? WHAT’S THAT? WHAT’S THAT WHO?
WHATEVER DOES IT LOOK LIKE TO YOU?

Then read the inscription or take the tour and compare your
answers. If yours are way more interesting, then well done -
that’s good guessedge! If you feel confident you could pull
it off in front of people without cracking yourself up, then
you’ve just created a job for yourself as a tour guide of any
art gallery. To build up your confidence, start practising on
American tourists, then move on to little children, then
Japanese tourists, and eventually work your way up to the
European and English, but try to avoid groups of art students.

[MMovies: ‘anything is art’]
The aim of this exercise is to prove that Marcell Duchamp was
right - anything is art.

At your local modern art gallery, see if you can gather a
crowd around you just by staring at ordinary objects in a most
contemplative manner, e.g. an air conditioner, emergency exit
door, broom closet, pile of stacked chairs, a viewing bench,
an escalator, etc. Now, as you stare at each object, think up
a new name, e.g. ‘Fully clothed people descending an
escalator’. Write your new interpretation on an A4 sheet and
stick it over a portable sign, which you must now place next
to your art installation.
Try to avoid being seen by the security guards as you do this.
Watch in amazement as crowds begin to gather. Try to engage
in conversation with curious onlookers. Tell them you’re the
artist and ask them what they think of your new work. Capture
all the interviews on video.
If you’re not into the added adrenalin rush of possibly
getting caught, then arrange consent for the entire shoot, as
an art or filmmaking student.


7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 88 www.logicalstupidity.com
If you find it difficult to get permission, then you can still
make your point by labelling ordinary objects outside the
gallery - e.g. if there’s a fountain outside you could call it
‘The Urinal’, and persuade a few kids to go pee on it. When
you’re politely asked to leave then start relabelling objects
of nature - e.g. trees, plants, squirrels. Ask curious
onlookers what you think ‘the artist formerly known as God’ was
trying to communicate when she designed these various artworks
running around with labels on them.
These are just guidelines for creating new life by redefining
old life.
Other things to note for your movie:
If you’re not going to take on the role of the artist when
talking to camera, then whoever you are you’re an expert in
your field, and your inserted title should reflect that - e.g.
‘Your name’, ‘Dr/ professor/expert of Interpreation, Institute
of Logical Stupidity. You’re free to make up your title or
field of expertise, but stick to a similar theme so it’s clear
that you’re working on the ‘anything is art’ sketch.
Once you’re done, post it on www.logicalstupidity.com where it
becomes eligible for the main movie.



mMMovies {shtix
O SPARX 18: PLAY ‘FOUND IN TRANSLATION’
Get yourself into an interpreting situation. For example:

1) Write your own subtitles for foreign films or operas.
2) Translate what technical help desk personnel are trying
to tell you.
3) Film animals in a zoo and translate what they’re saying
to each other.
4) Film people socializing at a cocktail party. Now pretend
you’re an expert lip reader and translate their dialogue.
5) Sabotage the rolling scroll bar that shows the subtitles
at a live Italian Opera, like ‘La Traviata’ and insert
your own hysterical English translations. Get loads of
reaction shots from the audience.
6) Translate any situation where communication is clearly
going on but you have no idea what’s being said.

Just do it!



7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 89 www.logicalstupidity.com
mMMovies {shtix dilog
O SPARX 19: PLAY PREDICTABLE (‘BEAUTIFULLY TYPICAL’)
Do you ever push people’s buttons just to see them react the
way you expect them to react? Do you ever wonder why you ask
people questions when you know what their answers will be?
Hey, me too! This is the way I enjoy learning - by
continuously testing my ability to predict outcomes I can make
accurate judgement calls.

Turns out Forest Gump was right about life being like a box of
chocolates, but for the wrong reason: you do know, more or
less, what you’re going to get if you just read the menu under
the lid of the box where each chocolate is explained in great
detail. That menu is called ‘hindsight’.

Let’s say you have a production meeting coming up for the
early stages of a new project. You know it’s going to involve
brainstorming, but what else can you safely predict?
The visionary (usually the boss) will say something like
‘anything’s possible’, mostly because he doesn’t have to do
anything.
Finance will say ‘no’ because it’s out of the budget.
Lawyers will say they want to take a closer look at it.
Management will just want to know the names of everyone
involved so they can blame someone when the whole thing goes
tits up.

And that’s keeping it general! Now try predicting the answers
of people you know. Start with easy questions and then move
on to a few curve balls that you can safely predict answers
to, e.g. ‘mom, I think I might be gay, what are we going to do
about it?’ or ‘mom, I’m going to need an operation on my knee,
just letting you know’.

Before asking the question, tell the camera what you think the
answer is likely to be - e.g. for the gay question: ‘well we
need to bring in the authorities; we have to talk to the
rabbi’, and for the operation question the answer is likely to
be: ‘if I had listened to doctors I would have had a hundred
operations by now. What you need is to take glucosamine
sulphate tablets for your joints and not play so much tennis.
You’re not 20 anymore. Take it easier’.

Or similar words to that effect. Try to capture the answer on
tape just to see how close you were. How will we know if
you’ve staged it? We won’t, but you will, and the object is
to get good at predicting outcomes, so you’re only fooling
yourself.
But as your audience, we won’t know, so if you can’t make
predictions, at least make it look like you can.




7. The Movie of Your Mind


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 90 www.logicalstupidity.com



Once you start getting the easy ones right, you’re ready to move
on to people you don’t know that well, but choose slightly more
appropriate questions. Keep monitoring predictions vs. outcomes
and eventually you’ll figure out your opponent’s argument before
they do.

This system is used by lawyers who need to predict their
opposition’s line of attack - e.g. if the law is on their side
they’ll argue the law, and if it’s not then they’ll argue the
facts.
Once you’ve learned to figure out answers before you’ve even
asked your question, that’s when you’ve mastered the art of good
guessedge! This is where you experience the same joy an
attorney must feel on a successful cross-examination, i.e. when
he exposes the contradictions of an eyewitness.

My prediction is that eventually you’ll stop getting annoyed
with predictable answers and start loving your ability to
predict the future, which is the object of the exercise.




ADDsonge . YOU’RE GETTING GOOD AT GUESSING [soundbite song 5, alternate
version]


Right then, we’re ready to start observing new things into existence.



8. Observational Innovation - Turning Jokes into Products


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 91 www.logicalstupidity.com
8. Observational Innovation –
Turning Jokes into Products


How to turn punch lines into taglines:
Use your sense of humour to accept the things you cannot change; your product
development skills to change what you can; and this chapter to know the difference.

THE ‘EASILY AMUSED’ FORMULA FOR INNOVATION:
Explore the funny side of everything¬ take note of what you laugh at the most¬
convert the punch line into a product¬ laugh all the way to the bank

With observational humour, the comedy comes from reflecting reality – e.g. have you
tried dating online? Ever notice how all 3 pictures of your fantasy partner look nothing
like the one you meet? That’s your OOPS: Observation Of Pure Stupidity – i.e. you’re
reflecting reality.

With innovation you go one step further and change reality by doing something about
your observation – you invent a product that solves the problem. Introducing: -


»FutureFoto™ - what your Internet date will actually look like

¯produx: Age progression software for dating sites
PiX/grafix/logo: ‘FF’ to be inserted inside the ‘fast forward’ icon

»FF is the essential software for all dating sites. It works out the average of all
photos and then adds on 5 years to give a forecast photo of what you can expect.
Works with up to 93% accuracy, but that increases to 98% accuracy if mother and
father-in-law photos are supplied.

Prediction photos can be produced for any point in time and it has ‘reality’ and
‘fantasy’ features.
It can also predict what your children will look like, with up to 94.6% accuracy.
Check this out:
¤PiX: Merging of any two photos to give a predicted photo of what offspring will
look like.

How does it work? Same as age progression software used to find missing children
and fugitives – i.e. it’s the same software used for a different purpose with a few
additional features.

Other possible names: PhotoMediator™

PredictaPix™ Photolepathy™
FlashForward™ FastForward Fotos™ Foto4Cast™ Vujade Pix™ FFPix™





8. Observational Innovation - Turning Jokes into Products


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 92 www.logicalstupidity.com


mMMovies {ShtiX SPITBALL



Observational humour:
Ever notice how many people spit and blow their noses in the
streets? It’s disgusting!
It’s become impossible to walk in the streets of London and not
notice it.
You gotta keep ducking so you don’t get hit.

O SPARX 23: ‘IF YOU CAN’T CHANGE IT, NAME IT’
(Search for ‘if you can’t change it’ for more examples)

So let’s name the different types of spitting:
The Finger Bloz: one finger on one nostril and blow, tilting
head forward and sidewards as if to disguise it.

The tongue twirler: this is the guy who’s so proud of his
spitting technique he wants to see how far it goes and where it
lands. It’s usually followed by a thumbs-up if the target is
hit.

The boomerang: comes back and hits you in the face; common with
cyclists.

The ‘forgot my window was shut’: common with motorists. Doubly
embarrassing if you also forget that you have passengers. Even
more embarrassing if you’re the passenger.

The noserunner: just dribbles everywhere, requiring sleeves and
hands to wipe away.

Innovation goes one step beyond humour by inventing something to
deal with the problem. Presenting:

The all day tissue dispenser.
¯PiX: Search images for ‘all day tissue dispenser’ to find a
picture of a woman blowing her nose on toilet paper from a
roller dispenser strapped on her head.
This device is from: ‘101 Unuseless Japanese inventions - The
art of Hindgut’
by Kenji Kawakami


Naming your observations into existence is the first step
towards getting your invention to catch on - e.g.
¯ Search for a power point presentation called ‘fart-study’.





8. Observational Innovation - Turning Jokes into Products


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 93 www.logicalstupidity.com
mMMovies {shtix



BIKINICAINE™ novacaine for painless waxing produx/beauty

Observational humour:
Ever notice how your partner complains how painful bikini
waxing is? Ever wonder if that pain is proportional to the
pain of her monthly maintenance bill?

You know there’s a better joke in there somewhere, but for now
it doesn’t matter; you’ve isolated the problem: bikini waxing
is painful. This causes a metalogue or OOPS, like:
Why can’t they just rub something on the bikini zone to make
it less painful? Now where you have seen that done before?
EOX! Dental & blood test injections!
[®PiX: Pic of cream being rubbed on injection zones for blood
test]
EOX! Apply the same anaesthetic creams for painless waxing!

Now play with the words - novacaine, anaesthetic, bikini, wax,
Brazilian, and you’ll get to WaxiThetic, BraziliaNova,
WaxiNova, NovaWax, Novakini, WaxiCaine, BikiniCaine.

Innovation: BikiniCaine - novacaine for painless waxing


Turns out that the difference between humour and innovation is simply a matter of
functionality: Does the joke product work? Turn BikiniCaine into a real solution and
humour turns to innovation.

And if it doesn’t lead to a direct solution, it could easily lead to you seeing your ASS -
Accidental Spin-off Solution. Let me explain this another way:

Humour is the equivalent of using public transport in our thoughtmosphere. It carries
many people to distant stars, from which new views of other worlds are possible – e.g.
we’re using humour as public transport to get to the star of BikiniCaine. While
standing on BikiniCaine, we can see other stars that were previously invisible from
earth – e.g. you might be able to see the star of MexiCaine:

mMMovies {shtix

MexiCaine™ – because hot food should only hurt once
æprodux/food&drug - relief in the loo after eating hot food.

Do you like spicy food but not the after effects?
MexiCaine works when and where you need it most – later.

MexiCaine™ - you need it like a pain in the ass


And just like that, you’ve discovered a new star that could only be seen by taking
public transport to the star of BikiniCaine. That was me driving the SPQV. Now let's
hop on the bus driven by Larry David. (Buy the book, you cheap bastard, and I’ll tell
you about it!)


8. Observational Innovation - Turning Jokes into Products


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 94 www.logicalstupidity.com





Case study – using observational innovation to create a song.
Method: O SPARX 180: DETECT COLLECT CONNECT


DETECT with OOPS: Observation Of Pure Stupidity:
The guy I'm living with is not the same guy who used to chase me with chocolates and
flowers. This guy never wants to go anywhere or do anything. He’s boring!

COLLECT: Does anybody else have the same experience?
Is it a CEWTBL? (Common Experience Waiting To Be Labelled.)
YES: In fact it’s so common that it’s been called ‘The Bait & Switch’ by Dr Phil.

So we know we’re onto something here. Now all that’s left is to:

CONNECT: All your experiences to Dr Phil’s idea to create your own song.



SONG 8 HE’S ONLY A MAN . [LYRIX]


And then another case study that leads to:


SONG 9 TEARS WITH CHAMPAGNE . [LYRIX]


9. Chasing the Unknown - UNcommon KNowledge you OWN


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 95 www.logicalstupidity.com
9. Chasing the Unknown –
UNcommon KNowledge you OWN

Your search for solutions is futile unless you express the problem as a question, and all
questions revolve around this one:
What makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R?
The ANSWER magically appears when you get the question right. Did you notice that?

This chapter contains instructions for using your SPQV – Self Propelled Question
Vehicle – essential for navigating through nonsense.

With your SPQV you can break through the knowledge barrier to reach a point where
nobody knows better than you. This is where you’re free to start making up new
theories that bring new products into existence. This chapter deals with the process of
asking THE PERFECT QUESTION, and the signs of knowing when you’ve asked it:



The top ten ways of knowing you’ve asked the perfect question:

1) ‘That’s a good question, I’ll come back to that.’
2) ‘I don’t know.’ / ‘It’s too early to say.’ / ‘We don’t know yet.’
3) ‘That’s classified information / executive privilege.’ / ‘I could tell you but I’d have
to kill you.’
4) ‘It’s not my place to answer that question.’
5) ‘No comment.’
6) ‘Shut your face.’
7) ‘That’s all we have time for I’m afraid - this press conference is over.’
8) ‘I need to pee.’
9) ‘We have to go to news & travel, but stay on the line.’
10) [ C ] (No words at all; just a stunned silence, followed by a change of topic.)


SONG 10 NOBODY KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON . [LYRIX]

YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY THAT WE’RE MAKING IT UP
THE ONLY THING WE’RE CERTAIN OF
ALL THAT’S CLEAR
WE DON’T KNOW WHERE WE COME FROM OR WHY WE’RE HERE
SCIENCE DOESN’T PROVE A THING
IT ONLY SAYS HOW
BUT IT NEVER GOES AS FAR AS WHY
AND THERE’S A REASON
AND THAT’S WHERE I COME IN
TO REMIND YOU TO COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION
[Chorus:]
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON
YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY THAT WE’RE MAKING UP



10. Clintonian Metaphysics - Redefine the World to Suit You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 96 www.logicalstupidity.com
10. Clintonian Metaphysics –
Redefine the World to Suit You

Clintonian Metaphysics is named after Bill Clinton who redefined the term ‘sexual
relations’. In his mind there was no sex – he had merely found an alternative use for
a cigar. This is how redefining reality leads to new inventions, so all we need to do
now is name it:
‘THE CIGARILDO’ – endorsed by Bill Clinton. [produx]

It all works by the logical stupidity cycle of innovation:

1) Every logical rule / law encourages a new wave of stupidity
(or innovation)

E.g. Rule by hotel: Don’t steal our towels.
People steal towels anyway so the hotel has to come up with a new innovation.

But how does refining coming into this?

For every truth that emerges, a lie is diverted somewhere else.
E.g. From your perspective you’re not stealing a white fluffy bathrobe from the hotel,
you’re ‘taking a souvenir’, but to the hotel it’s stealing – meaning they require some
kind of invention or rule to stop it, like a policy of paying deposits for room and pool
towels.
But what kind of invention might come out of it?


mMMovies >PiX/grafix The Springback Towel™ produx/hotel biz
Anti-theft device for hotel towels

A towel is attached to the towel rail by a retractable chord
that snaps it back like a tape measure. For cheap motels only!


2) Every new wave of stupidity or innovation encourages a logical law

So let’s look at 5 offensive trends and how the government might introduce new laws
to control them:

1. Cellphone Rage
{ShtiX / MMovies viz

Other people’s cellphone conversations are becoming more offensive than second
hand smoke – e.g. ‘I’m on the train. WHAT? Yeah, I’m on the train. WHAT? SPEAK
LOUDER, I CAN’T HEAR YOU, I’M ON THE TRAIN.’

And if you think that’s annoying, it’s about to get a whole lot worse, now that you’re
going to be able to use your mobile on planes: ‘I’M ON THE PLANE! WHAT? I’M ON
THE PLANE!’

How do we get round this problem? Government legislation:


10. Clintonian Metaphysics - Redefine the World to Suit You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 97 www.logicalstupidity.com






mMMovies viz {shtix dilog DECIBEL DANCE

The ringtone dance: ‘you answer, you dance – your call’
Which falls under the government legislation of Decibel Dance
(newrule).

If your phone rings in a public place you will be required by
law to do a dance in time to your ringtone before taking the
call. Only the brave will take calls, but your fellow
passengers won’t mind after you’ve made a complete twat of
yourself. If it’s a song that already has famous choreography
(e.g. YMCA or Greased Lightning) then you should stick to that,
but otherwise your dance should say something about your
personality.

[Demonstration goes here – send your clip to
www.logicalstupidity.com]

Designed to improve passenger and human relations in general,
the new legislation will be monitored by conductors who could
ask to see your dance if they notice any cellphone activity, or
if they hear any sound coming from your headphones.
At the discretion of the conductor, passengers may be required
to continue their dance until their destination. Furthermore,
parking attendants, security guards, in fact anyone wearing a
uniform, will be given authority to check your dance – e.g. you
could be asked by an air hostess to perform your dance on a
plane or a checkout girl at the supermarket when your phone
rings. But probably the biggest reason for the rule is to deal
with loud music blaring from car stereos: traffic wardens can
ask you to pullover to see your dance!

For help with the choreography of your dance you may want to
refer to one of the dances from ‘evolution of dance’ on youtube.
Great going, Judson Laipply!
You were part of the inspiration behind this new proposed
legislation.




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2. Technology Incompetence
The technology impaired who can’t use an ATM, change their ringtone, send a text
message or e-mail will eventually become such a burden on society that something will
need to be done – (new rule proposed) .

3. Globe Warming Ego Friendly Vehicles (new rule proposed)

4. The Global Boredom Crisis (new rule)
Out go viewer discretion warnings like ‘strong language, violence or scenes of a
mature nature’, and in comes the new ‘YAWN’ rating system. For example:

YAWN WARNING: All the best gags are in the trailer you’ve just seen.

YAWN WARNING: Brad Pitt is impossibly good looking and should not be used as a
reference point for speed-dating, or however you go about finding a partner these
days. Same applies to Angelina Jolie. Enjoy the movie.

HARD CORE YAWN WARNING: May contain up to 8 minutes of mindless dialogue
before any sex actually takes place.

For Musicals:
VOMIT WARNING: Actors may break into song for no apparent reason and without
dance routines featuring leggy showgirls.

VOMIT WARNING: Contains people walking around with animals on their heads for
the entire @£$%^ show.

For any revival or regurgitation of previous culture:
NOSTALGIA WARNING: That was then; this is now – you’ve moved on.

Nothing from last century may be regurgitated in any format, not as a musical,
not as a PlayStation game, not as a movie with Steve Martin or even Keanu Reeves
playing the lead role. There will be no remixing, remastering, reviving, rerunning,
reuniting, re-entering or reheating of any sort. That includes sequels and prequels –
so Star Wars is finally over. The campaign will be backed by this music video:
SONG 11 LET THEM DIE . [LYRIX]
[Sweet nostalgic melody, covering any period from last century]
TAKE ME ON A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE
TO REMEMBER HOW THINGS WERE
WHEN WE WERE YOUNG AND HAVING FUN
BRING BACK THE SONGS OF YESTERYEAR
[Death metal interjection]
LET THEM DIE
LET THEM ALL DIE
THEY WERE GOOD FOR THEIR TIME
BUT DON’T BRING THEM BACK
IF YOU HAVE TO SEE THE SHOW
TAKE OUT THE VIDEO
LET THEM DIE


10. Clintonian Metaphysics - Redefine the World to Suit You


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 99 www.logicalstupidity.com
5. FFAF CULTURE

FFAFS are celebs who are Famous For Absolutely F@£$ ALL.
The only thing sadder is a Wannabe FFAF – kids who don’t see the point of living
unless they can be famous. This is serious! A 2-part government sponsored campaign
is required:
1) ‘Stop encouraging kids who clearly have no talent’ – TV ad (see script for details).
2) FTV – Flopstar TV is a dedicated TV channel showing what life is like for the 99%
of bands and solo artists who don’t make it – e.g.

SONG 12 HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN . [LYRIX]
HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN I WAS THERE
FILLING OUT THE HOLES IN CONVERSATION
BRING ON THE DANCING GIRLS OR MAYBE EVEN KARAOKE
OR JUST PUSH THE BOSSANOVA BUTTON AND WATCH THEM ALL BOOGIE

I’VE PLAYED BASS ON A BOX IN AMSTERDAM I WAS A CLOWN
STAND UP CABARET ON THE LONDON UNDERGROUND
YOU PROBABLY SAW ME THERE
IN COVENT GARDEN SQUARE
IMPERSONATING ALL THE PEOPLE PASSING BY
THESE ARE THE SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO X 3

Presenter: ‘You’re tuned to FTV all day – non-stop videos of no-hit wonders from the
99.6% of bands who don’t make it. Coming up next, yet another band you’ve never
heard of. Been together for over 20 years, they’re now in their late thirties and still
trying to make it. Here they are, taking the world by not even a little cloud cover…it’s
CAN’T GET SIGNED…’

SONG 13 TWO SONGS . [LYRIX]
[ROFR to Jack Black]
DON'T PRETEND YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE
WE'RE THE UNDISCOVERED UNDERDOGS FROM NOWHERE
AND WE ONLY GOT
TWO SONGS
AND THIS ISN'T EVEN ONE OF THEM
TWO SONGS
AND THIS ISN’T EVEN ONE OF THEM
TWO SONGS
AND NOBODY KNOWS WHO THE HELL WE ARE
YOU CAN HEAR WE'RE SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF ABOUT SOMETHING
WE'RE NOT SURE WHAT IT IS BUT YOU CAN HEAR IT'S SOMETHING HUGE
SO BANG YOUR HEAD LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
JUST LIKE YOU UNDERSTAND OUR FRUSTRATION OF COMING UP WITH
ONLY…


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Summary

By upgrading your principles and redefining the world as you’d like to see it, you can
create new realities in the meshugganah middle:



SONG 14 SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN . [LYRIX]

SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN MAKING UP THE RULES
AND FOLLOWING THEM
THERE’S A PLACE WHERE INNOVATION CAN TAKE PLACE
IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO QUESTION THE ASSUMPTION
AND COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION
YOU’LL FREE YOUR MIND AS YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY

SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN EVERYTHING WE KNOW
AND WHAT WE’RE STILL LOOKING FOR
THERE’S A PLACE WHERE INNOVATION CAN TAKE PLACE
IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO QUESTION WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN
COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION
YOU’LL FREE YOUR MIND OF EVERYTHING THAT’S GONE BEFORE
YOU’LL FREE YOUR MIND AS YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY

SEE THE MAGIC IN THE MIDDLE
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE MYSTERY
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE WAY THAT IT COULD BE
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE NEW POSSIBILITY
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE LET ME TRY ANOTHER WAY
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE RIP IT UP AND START AGAIN
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE RHYTHM OF THE REPETITION
SEE THE MAGIC IN THE

PARADIGM SHIFTING
ROLES ARE REVERSING
BOUNDARIES ARE CRUMBLING
STEREOTYPES ARE SHATTERING, SHIFTING



11. The Sky's Not The Limit; Your Principles Are - Upgrade Them!


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 101 www.logicalstupidity.com
11. The Sky’s Not The Limit;
Your Principles Are – Upgrade Them!


It’s easy to stick to principles, especially if you’ve had some code hammered into you
all your life. But can you abandon them when you realise they don’t apply anymore?

Just as laws (universal and man-made) need to upgrade to move with the times, so
too do your principles, which is why we examine THE 21 RULES FOR RULE
BREAKING, or 21 ways to rise above the limitations of your principles in order to
innovate.

We also look at how man-made laws inspire new inventions – by thinking of loopholes
around the law.

O SPARX 42: USE THE LAW AS A CHALLENGE TO FIND
INNOVATIVE LOOPHOLES

Challenging authority by questioning assumptions can lead to innovative products:



mMMovies viz {shtix
Pavlov™ - The leashless dog leash produx/dogbiz ~

The inspiration for this comes from reading a sign in a park in
Toronto that said:

‘All dogs must be on a leash of no more than 2.4m.’

The challenge is on: isn’t there another way to keep your dog
close without a leash? Research tells me that there are
wireless devices to keep your dog in an unfenced yard and there
are also radio controlled shocking devices used for corrective
training. But there are no leashless dog leashes, which is why
they’re coming out!

How does it work? Ultrasonic audio transmitters attached to the
collar of the dog would trigger an annoying frequency only
audible to dogs, and only if the dog crosses the maximum range,
which is variable and controlled by a wireless device attached
to the dog walker. Dogs would quickly learn to stay within the
maximum range, hence the name: Pavlov - the leashless dogleash.

And what’s more, multiple dogs can be walked with one device,
meaning no more entangling mess for New York dog walkers:
¯Search images: ‘dog walkers’





11. The Sky's Not The Limit; Your Principles Are - Upgrade Them!


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 102 www.logicalstupidity.com


mMMovies viz {shtix
DWDS™ (PR dudes): Dog Walker Dogs produx/dogbiz ~
Why can’t dogs walk other dogs? If they can be trained to lead
blind people then they must be able to take other dogs for
walks.
¯Search images: ‘dog walker’
This funny pic would become a sensible solution if turned into a
business of dog walking dogs. Poop scooping? Still working on
that one!

mMMovies viz {shtix
FETCH™ - The robot ball thrower for dogs produx/dogbiz ~
Feel like chilling out in the park while your dog works out?
Let Fetch the robot entertain your dog for hours. Observe as
Fetch throws the ball and your dog retrieves it, collecting a
chocolate treat from an automatic dispenser after each
retrieval.
Try it uni or multi-directional and on different distances. If
your dog likes swimming, then use it at the sea or near a lake.
Fetch will sound an alarm if the ball is not retrieved within 1
minute, or a time specified by you. That would be your cue to
start looking for your dog.
FETCH™ - man’s second best friend


See ‘Kosher Food’ for more examples.


So when a law, or your own principle, doesn’t make sense to you, your mind
automatically tries to compensate for what’s missing. Mine tends to go towards
humour. Where does your mind go?

SONG 15 IT HAS TO BE FUNNY . [LYRIX]

WHERE DOES YOUR MIND GO WHEN IT’S TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT
ISN’T THERE?
WELL MINE GOES TO FUNNY
AND IF YOU PISS ME OFF I’M GONNA BITE YOU WITH HUMOUR

TOO MANY CONTRADICTIONS, AMBIGUITIES
I’M NOT ALL THERE, BEYOND REPAIR, BUT I DON’T CARE
MY FRUSTRATIONS HAVE GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE
SO IT HAS TO BE FUNNY
WHAT ELSE CAN IT BE?
MY QUICK FIX THERAPY



11. The Sky's Not The Limit; Your Principles Are - Upgrade Them!


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 103 www.logicalstupidity.com
Also in this section:

THE SECRETS & LIES OF THE UNIVERSE: ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE

HOW EVERYONE GETS A TURN TO BE SOME ASSHOLE
Why ‘some asshole’ is responsible for upgrading the operating system of the luniverse.

HOW TO TURN A GOOD IDEA INTO A BAD IDEA - DISCUSS IT WITH
SOMEONE

Even if you’re not running a country, do you realise how many cover-ups you’re
involved with on a daily basis? If you think you’re not, then start counting the times
you hear or see any of the following statements, whether they’re from you or other
people:

‘I could tell you, but I’d have to shoot you.’
‘What happens in here, stays in here.’
‘Can I tell you something, but do you promise not to tell anyone?’
‘Can I be honest with you?’
‘Who’s going to know that?’
‘Nobody has to know that.’
‘You didn’t just tell me that.’
‘I didn’t hear what I think I heard.’
‘I don’t want to hear that.’
‘For the record, you didn’t just see what you thought you saw.’
‘Who have you told about this? How many people know about this?’
‘Do you think you might be able to keep quiet about it this time?’
‘This message is confidential and for the addressee only. You may not disclose the
contents to anyone other than the addressee.’
‘Do you realise what will happen if anyone finds out?’

Once you’re party to exclusive or sensitive information, at some point you’re going to
have to lie. We don’t realise that we do it all the time because we even lie about what
we call lying – it gets redefined as ‘getting the story straight’. Now start counting the
times you hear any of the following:

‘What story are we going to tell them?’
‘How do we explain this to the kids?’
‘What are we going to tell your mother?’
‘What should we tell the press?’
‘What do we say if anybody asks?’
‘What excuse should we use to get out of going to their wedding / bar mitzvah /
funeral?’
‘What’s our story for the accountants / shareholders / cops / lawyers / witness stand?’
‘How do I make my denial sound plausible?’

Honesty is very seldom the best policy!


11. The Sky's Not The Limit; Your Principles Are - Upgrade Them!


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 104 www.logicalstupidity.com


HOW LIVING THE HAPPY LIE SETS YOU FREE



>PiX/cartoon: caption ‘Ralf found facebook flirting so much
easier than reality flirting.’
We see a woman sitting alone sipping a cocktail at the bar,
listening to the request of an approaching man, whose speech
bubble says: ‘Uhm, I was just wondering if you wanted to add me
as a friend.’



SONG 16 JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG . [LYRIX]

WHATEVER YOU’RE LOOKING FOR IN A WOMAN
SHE’S ANYTHING YOU WANT HER TO BE
SHE GOT A PULLDOWN MENU WITH POINT AND CLICK
SHE’LL BE YOUR USER FRIENDLY BABY
THAT’S ALL SHE’LL EVER BE

CYBERVIXEN, THE NICKNAME I KNOW
DIDN’T WE GO DIVING IN MEXICO
SO LITTLE MISS MODEM LETS DO JAZZ ON JUPITER
DIGITAL DAMSEL WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO?

DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY
WE ONLY KNOW WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW
AND SEE WHAT WE WANT TO SEE

JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG
AND THAT’S ALL SHE’LL EVER BE


Or perhaps you prefer this version:

. SONG 17 DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY [LYRIX]




12. The Meshugganah Matrix


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 105 www.logicalstupidity.com
12. The Meshugganah Matrix
– Where all your crazy ideas intersect with the market to bridge the gap
between life as it is and life as you dream it.
The objectives:
1) To assimilate the problem as part of the solution.
2) To improvise new products over existing markets.
3) To improvise new melodies over popular chord patterns.
4) To improvise spontaneity over the daily grind.
5) To get you out of your comfort zone.

The method:
SONG 18 PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE . [LYRIX]
IF YOU’VE BEEN LIVING IN THE KEY OF C
PLAYING ALL THE WHITE NOTES, VERY BUSY
BUT OH SO PREDICTABLE
WORK SLEEP TV
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES ON WEDNESDAY
NIP TUCK ON SUNDAY
AND HEAT MAGAZINE ON TUESDAY
YOU CAN HEAR IT’S TIME TO
PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE
OOH SCARY
PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE
OOH SCARY
PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE
NO, NOT THAT SCARY!
GOD FORBID YOU SHOULD LIVE A LITTLE DANGEROUSLY
THE NEXT TIME YOU GO BACK TO C
YOU’LL BE SO HAPPY JUST TO BE HOME
FROM THE DARK SIDE OF THE KEYBOARD
YOU'RE HOME YEAH
FROM THE DARK SIDE OF THE KEYBOARD
YOU'RE HOME YEAH
NOW YOU’RE THINKING ’BOUT THE TIME WHEN YOU
PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE...
IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE PLAY ON
I AGREE BUT NOT THE SAME OLD SONG
CHANGE THE RHYTHM
GIVE ME A WHOLE NEW MELODY
DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT NOW
DON'T BE AFRAID
JUST KEEP IT RADIO FRIENDLY
RADIO FRIENDLY ALWAYS
NOW LET ME HELP YOU FIND YOUR BLACK NOTE
I CAN HELP YOU FIND YOUR BLACK NOTE
THERE'S YOUR BLACK NOTE
NOW GO AND GET YOUR BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE


13. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 106 www.logicalstupidity.com
13. Editorial Licence & The
Hippocritic Oath

Allows you to LIE OR TELL THE TRUTH, WHICHEVER IS MORE INTERESTING.

Changing your mind as often as global uncertainty dictates has become the key to
effective leadership. Take the oath and you’ll be able to manipulate the facts to suit
your argument, and when you realise you’re wrong, change your argument to suit the
facts.

As a consumer of news you’ll learn how to read between the lines of news and
marketing spin.

As a news editor, journalist or author, the Hippocritic Oath allows you to lie or tell the
truth, whichever is more interesting, as long as you promise the following:

1) To make as much money as you possibly can.
2) To pretend to follow some higher aspiration.
3) To be thoroughly entertaining as you reveal the true colours of your chosen subject.

REVEALED: Why we’re programmed to lie and how this makes us creative.
It’s all due to

THE PARADOX OF COMPLEXITY

Life is so complex that we have to break it down into bite-sized chunks in order to
process it. But the more you break it down, the more pieces you have, so the more
complex it gets.
In other words:

SONG 19 WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN . [LYRIX]

NOTHING IS EVER AS EASY AS YOU SAY IT IS
NOTHING IS EVER AS SIMPLE AS A CATCHPHRASE
BECAUSE WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN
YEAH WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN
WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN

THEN NOTHING IS LIKE IT SEEMS
AND EVERYTHING IS LIKE IT IS
SO YOUR GENERALIZATION WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE
FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW
WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN
YEAH WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN
WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN THEN… [repeat from the top until understood]


13. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 107 www.logicalstupidity.com




Included in this paradox is a sub-clause that says:

‘That was then and this is now – everything’s changed.’

This law makes people say stupid things like: ‘If I only knew then what I know now…’
You couldn’t possibly have had any kind of now knowledge back then, because now
hadn’t happened yet. That’s why you didn’t buy Microsoft shares when they were $1,
because that was then and this is now.

The upside of this paradox is that you can keep changing your mind because your
disclaimer will always protect you – ‘All thoughts, feelings and facts were correct at the
time of going to press’.


SONG 20 THEME SONG . [LYRIX]

THAT’S WHY I’M GIVING YOU A THEME SONG TO FOLLOW
EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT BE WRONG TOMORROW
UNCERTAINTY IS ALL THAT WE KNOW
HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU
THERE’S NO REASON FOR MY SONG
BUT SOMETHING BABY DARLING
SAYS I’M GONNA MAKE IT UP AS I GO ALONG



13. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 108 www.logicalstupidity.com






Editorial licence is granted under the following terms & conditions of the contract:


I, the consumer of news and entertainment media, give you, the author, permission to
simplify events of the world to make it easier for me to understand. By ‘simplify’ I
mean:


1) Polarise my thoughts – don’t give me more than two options.
2) Give me instant perspective.
3) Make me laugh; entertain me.
4) Keep me in the loop; make me feel like I’m part of something big.


I, the author of content, am entitled to simplicate everything in order to achieve this –
i.e. keep things complex enough to be respected as an authority, while simple enough
to be understood. I can use the following methods to achieve this:


1) Compare the incomparable.
2) Challenge my subject by questioning motives and tearing down dreams.
3) Provide worst-case scenarios.
4) GO MAAD: Use any Multiple Angle Attack Device.
5) Ask rhetorical questions and split as many hairs as I like.
6) Cherry-pick my edited highlights.
7) Or use any other device in keeping with the good faith of the Hippocritic Oath.


13. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 109 www.logicalstupidity.com
Let’s take the first point:
O SPARX 76: POLARITY GIVES CLARITY

PiX/Cartoon: ‘Does he love me? Yes or no?’
We see an angry bunch of flowers staring at a girl who’s about
to start plucking petals.
One of the flowers screams: ‘He loves you! Now piss off and
leave us alone.’

There are only two types of people in this world – those who divide people into two
types, and those who don’t. Do you believe this – yes or no? Why only two groups?
Because that way it’s easier for you to decide which group you belong to. You’re
either with me or against – decide!
Should Harry go to Iraq?
Are you bored with the climate crisis?
Does penis size matter?
Is there such a thing as free will?
Click here to win a plasma TV.
Did Heather marry Paul for money?
Should prostitutes be given government protection – yes or no?
Should foreign prisoners be freed without being considered for deportation?
HELP! CONFUSING! I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE LEADING QUESTION!
Translate that into a simple choice I can understand:
Okay, how about this then: Is Tom Cruise gay? Yes or no?
Oh thank you! Now it’s all clear – yes Heather married for money, Harry should go to
Iraq and prostitutes need protection. Now, where’s my plasma TV?
So why do we like polar questions?
SONG 21 TOO MANY CHOICES . [LYRIX]
TOO MANY CHOICES WILL LEAVE YOU WITH NONE
AND YOU’LL FORGET WHAT YOU CAME HERE TO DO
TOO MANY VOICES IN YOUR HEAD
WHO DO YOU FOLLOW?
DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST WONDERING THROUGH

IMAGINATION FLEW OUT THE WINDOW
FOR INSPIRATION I PLAY NINTENDO
SO IF YOU SEE ME STARING AT THE SCREEN
IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE TOO MANY CHOICES WILL LEAVE YOU WITH NONE…

EOX! Why don’t we have limited choice supermarkets that only stock the top two
brands of each product?

2permarket™ – You’ve got two choices
produx/food&beverage/retail/limited choice supermarket to save shopping time

Now that we have the joke, we also have a new business, based on the idea that
limited choice allows faster decisions, which would dramatically reduce shopping time
for customers and reduce shelving space.

Coming up: The ‘Queue of Indecision’ sketch [MMOVIES]



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 110 www.logicalstupidity.com
14. Parafrazing – The Extreme Sport
for Creative Thinkers


Objective: To Jump on a bandwagon, add wings & fly it your own way
[See ‘Chart 2’ for examples]



>PiX/Cartoon/photo/video
Caption: YiddishKite™ – fly it your way
4Just4Jews
We see a rabbi paragliding. The paraglider canopy is designed
to look like a tallit, which is a prayer shawl with tsiztzit
(fringes). The rabbi is sitting in the harness and controlling
the direction of the kite. On the tallit is written:
YiddishKite™ – fly it your way [see more on yiddishkite]



PARAFRAZING = R&D = The art of Rehashing & Disguising other people’s ideas in
order to find your voice – e.g. Frankenstein turns into Dracula, then Wolfman Jack,
Michael Jackson, followed by Adams Family, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Marilyn Manson
and eventually Sponge Bob Square Pants.


Parafrazing is based on:


1) EVOLUTION
We need to steal ideas in the same way that they need to be protected.
In nature, this battle for survival is called evolution. In business it’s called innovation.
Either way you’re involved, so you may as well learn the process.

2) EINSTEIN’S THEORY OF CREATIVITY:
‘The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources’ – seriously, he actually
said that.

3) THE ITCHY & SCRATCHY PLAGIARISM CASE:
Roger Myers: ‘Your honour, you take away our right to steal ideas; where are they
supposed to come from – her?’ [looks at Marge]



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 111 www.logicalstupidity.com



So what makes Parafrazing legal?


You’re always changing the original to suit your personal taste. Let me explain…


SONG 23 COPYRIGHT PROTECTED . [LYRIX]

YOU CALL ME MR. MAGINATION
I’M A GENIUS IN YOUR EYES
BUT IT’S JUST A VARIATION
OF THE SAME OLD SONG IN DISGUISE

I’M ALWAYS REARRANGING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY
WATCH ME CHANGE THE PRESENTATION OF A CLICHÉ
NOW IT MAY BE YOUR BELIEF
THAT I’M JUST A COMMON THIEF
SO LET ME TELL YOU WHY I’M NOT:

I JUST HAPPEN TO LIKE TO USE
OTHER PEOPLE’S POINTS OF VIEWS
BUT WHAT IT WAS AND WHAT IS NOW IS NOT CONNECTED
IF I REVISE IT I DISGUISE IT
THAT’S MY WAY TO LEGALISE IT
NOW IT’S MINE AND COPYRIGHT PROTECTED

SOMEONE ELSE MAY HAVE SAID IT
THAT MAY BUG YOU IF YOU LET IT
BUT WHAT IT WAS AND WHAT IS NOW IS NOT CONNECTED
IF I REVISE IT I DISGUISE IT
THAT’S MY WAY TO LEGALISE IT
NOW IT’S MINE AND COPYRIGHT PROTECTED


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 112 www.logicalstupidity.com



PARAFRAZING IS ALSO BASED ON:

PAFYAFFING - Pulling Advice From Your Ass For FINancial Gain, where originality is
achieved through CONS and FIBS:

1) CONS: You have to separate the CONtent from the CONtainer to get the
CONcept, in order to reframe in another CONtext.

2) FIBS: Fill In the Blank Spaces to make it yours.

The song, with choreography, will explain all:

SONG 22 GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX . [LYRIX]

SEPARATE THE CONTENT FROM THE CONTAINER TO GET THE CONCEPT
NOW GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX
TO CHANGE THE CONTEXT
FILL IN THE GAPS


Let’s break it down: Separate the content from the container to get the
concept.

That means separate the JIZZ FROM THE GENERIC:
(‘Jizz’, as in the birding term, meaning ‘instantly identifiable characteristic’.)
i.e. separate:
The trademark from the generic.
The Coke from the cola.
The Kellogg’s from the cornflakes.
The Ford from the 4 x 4.
The sauce from the sausage.
The buzzword from the buzz.
The essence from the ice-cream.
The pollen from the flower.
The melody from the harmony.


Now, with the trademark or the melody removed, you’re left with the concept, the
system, the groove, the harmonic structure, over which you can improvise your own
product or melody:


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 113 www.logicalstupidity.com



SONG 24 HEY JADE . [LYRIX]


HEY JADE, LET GO OF WHAT YOU KNOW
TAKE AN OLD SONG AND MAKE IT YOUR OWN
IT MIGHT NOT BE BETTER
BUT YOU KNOW IT’S YOURS
AND YOU KNOW YOU’VE AVOIDED
ALL THE COPYRIGHT LAWS

HOW DIFFICULT CAN THIS BE
TO FIND THE COMBINATION
TO REWRITE THE MELODY
THERE’S ONLY 12 NOTES TO CHOOSE FROM
WHATEVER I DO IT WILL SOUND LIKE SOMETHING YOU KNOW
BUT LET ME ASSURE YOU
IT’S MY VERY OWN

THIS IS A SONG YOU KNOW BUT YOU CAN
REWRITE THE MELODY
IT’S NOT THE WAY IT HAS TO BE
THIS IS MY SONG NOW
LET GO OF WHAT YOU KNOW SO I CAN
CHANGE THE PARADIGM
SOMETHING SOMETHING HAS TO RHYME WITH
MY SONG NOW


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 114 www.logicalstupidity.com
CHART 2 BANDWAGON MESHUGGANAH MATRIX
CPT: CURRENT PREVAILING TRENDS / OPI’S: OTHER PEOPLE’S IDEAS

CPT MESHUGGANAH
MIDDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBID:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing In Disguise
Songs:

Hey Jude
MR. MAGINATION
HEY JADE
POP SONG POETRY
All the best lines from your
favourite songs rolled into one

Songwriter

TV:
Simpsons (Bart) Ai Caramba pizza Domino’s Pizza
Simpsons (Flanders) Fun-diddly-onion rings Domino’s Onion rings
(Sponsor op)
Reality TV:
Big Brother + Jackass
+
I’m a Celebrity get me
outahere =

Big Ass Celebrity™

TV producer
TV show
X-factor + Fear factor = XXX Fear Factor™
Erotic dances / acts performed
on / for judges
TV producer
Jackass Evel Kneidel™
Pulls off stunts considered
highly dangerous in the Jewish
community
Jewish stunt guy
4Just4Jews
TVshow
Movies:
Harry Pan
+ Peter Potter in
Pots&Pans™
Harry & Pete’s feigela kitchen
adventure
Scriptwriter
mmovies
Lord of The Rings,
Spiderman, King Kong,
Star Wars,
Babe - pig in the city
Spiderpig

Lord of the Spiderkong
Wars™
Homer Simpson

Scriptwriter
mmovies
Eyes Wide Shut Jaws Wired Shut
Homer gets his jaws wired
Simpsons



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 115 www.logicalstupidity.com
O SPARX 112: JUMP ON A CELEBRITUNITY*
*Business opportunity provided courtesy of a celebrity.

How do you do it? Watch the news! Watch Big Brother! Read the gossip mags!
CURRENT
PREVAILING TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MIDDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBID:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing In Disguise
News – ‘Chantelle wins
Celebrity Big Brother.’

Chantelle is a Paris
Hilton look-alike, so
Travelodge Hotels
jumped on the
celebritunity to create:

Chantelle Travelodge

Travelodge
(Sponsor op)
News – ‘Britney Spears
shaves her head.’
Celebritunity:
Britney Shears doll
¯ Search images: ‘Britney
Shears doll’


BoXo Stock Cubes™
‘So good they’re worth fighting
over’

Oxo Stock Cubes ¯PiX
(Sponsor op)
produx/food
BB Recipes™
– for limited shopping
boodgets
Big Brother Celebrity Cook
Book
– recipes from the BB house,
including ‘Chicken al a Shilpa’

Jamie Oliver
mmovies
produx/books/printed matter


News – ‘Jade Goody
loses her temper with
Shilpa Shetty.’ (Causing
an international race
row and a wonderful
celebritunity:)

Big Brother

JayGoody Doll:
JAYDOLL™
Push various buttons for
soundbites from the fight,
as well as gems like:
‘How comes Eskimo’s don’t
freeze?’

Toy company
mmovies
produx/toys
>PiX

News – ‘Kinga Karolczak
becomes famous for
masturbating with a
wine bottle on Big
Brother.’

Celebritunity:


The KingaRude™
The wine bottle you can ride

Sex Toy Company
(Sponsor op)
produx/sex toy


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 116 www.logicalstupidity.com
CURRENT
PREVAILING TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MIDDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBID:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing In Disguise
News – ‘David Guest on
I’m a Celebrity uses
catchphrases.’
‘I need sugar’ or
‘I don’t do dishes’
T-Shirt
produx
Mini Driver Mini Driver™ Mini
produx/model of car
Alan Carr The Alan Carr PoofMobile™ Car company
produx/model of car
Posh The PoshUp bra™
‘Made from Fearne Cotton’
(Source – The Sun: ‘Chanelle’s
in a Posh Up bra’)
Bra company
produx/beauty/fashion
Al Pacino Alppuccino™ Starbucks
produx/beverage/coffee
(Sponsor op)
Shakira Shakirawors™
South African singer who looks
and sounds like Shakira but
has heavy Afrikaans accent
mmovies/produx/pop star
Various celebs giving
directions
CelebNav™ Satnav
produx/gadget/satnav
(Tom Tom Sponsor op)
Never-ending trends:

Internet dating [Flirtomatic.com]
Mobile phone dating
Mobile phone operator
Karaoke ShoweroKey™
Words on tap™
You like singing in the shower
but you can’t remember
the words
mmovies/produx/gadget/toy
iPod The new Ford iPod
It’s an iPod on Wheels
Car Company
New car that comes with an
iPod
(Sponsor op)
Crazy frog CrazyLarms™
Tunes that would scare any
burglar away
Car or house alarm
produx/security
(Sponsor op)


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 117 www.logicalstupidity.com
CURRENT
PREVAILING TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MIDDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBID:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing In Disguise
World cup fever Football fanatic pizza Domino’s Pizza ¯PiX
Dinosaurs Barney, Dino, Roboraptor
Dinosaur Sketch
Jurassic Park
Jackoffosaurus

Thesaurus MS™
The clever dinosaur that
changed its name to survive in
the computer world

Cartoons & toy tie-ins
Monty Python
Spielberg
South Park

Microsoft / Toy Company
(Sponsor op)
produx/educational toy



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 118 www.logicalstupidity.com
RELIGION
O SPARX 113: RELIGITUNITY: Use your religion as a stimulus for
innovation

Here we take our inspiration from Coca Cola who found Santa in the meshugganah
middle zone between Jesus and Coke:

CURRENT
PREVAILING TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MIDDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBID:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing In Disguise
Christ Santa Coke
(Sponsor op)
Many others found their creative space in the meshugganah middle zone the
same way:
Christ Passion of the Christ
The Da Vinci Code
Life of Brian
The Bible

Mel Gibson
Dan Brown
Monty Python
Based on an original idea by
God but inspired by various
authors
keep going…
wMoviePitch: Opus Gay
Based on the theory that
Christ & all his disciples were
gay, so no bloodline anywhere

Scriptwriter
mmovies/dilog
Easter Bunny
Easter Parade
???
Sidney Sheldon…
keep going…
wMoviePitch: Duracell
Parade
featuring the meshugganah
Easter bunny
(Sponsor op for Duracell)
mmovies/dilog/scifi
Easter Bunny ¬ Mad March Hare ¬ Springtime ¬ The Producers ¬
wMoviePitch: Springtime for
Bush in Iraq
A heterosexual romp with
George, Condy and Dick



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 119 www.logicalstupidity.com
Now just as Coke created Santa, so too are there plenty of religitunities to sell your
product – e.g. bottled water is sold as Holy Kabbalah water for £3 a bottle, and red
string for £18 a bracelet.
Let’s look at other ways to use religion as a marketing tool:
CURRENT
PREVAILING TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MIDDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBID:
Special Talent from a
Unique Blessing In Disguise
Kabbelah Cookies™
philosophy from the Zohar
free with every ‘RavBerger’
Bakery
produx/kosher food/
4Just4Jews
(Sponsor op for Rav Berg)


Kabbalah + Fortune
cookies:
Falafelosophy™
Jewish philosophy scrolls
inside Falafels
produx/Falafel deli/
kosher food/4Just4Jews

Christmas '12 days of Fitness'
Sign outside gym
Gym owner
(Sponsor op)
Christmas Music Xmas in Israel™ the album
By Evel Kneidel, who loves
Jewish music just as much as
he loves Xmas
Featuring Havana Jingle
Bells
(Cuban mix) ADDsonge.


produx/
music genre/4Just4Jews

From a news report just in: Rabbis in Jerusalem have figured out a way to play Soduko
on Shabbes, using magnets, because writing is forbidden on Shabbes. Yet another
religitunity:

CURRENT
PREVAILING TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MIDDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBID:
Special Talent from a Unique
Blessing In Disguise
Shabbadabbaduko™
Soduko you can play on
Shabbes
(Uses magnets instead of
writing)
>PiX: produx/brain toys
4Just4Jews
Toy Company
(Sponsor op)
Shomre Shabbes
Games™
Shabbes friendly games for
the whole family
mmovies/produx/
exec toys/4Just4Jews




Shabbes + Soduko
SoJewku™



The brainteaser Just for
Jews
>PiX: produx/exec toys
4Just4Jews



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 120 www.logicalstupidity.com
CURRENT
PREVAILING TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MIDDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBID:
Special Talent from a Unique
Blessing In Disguise
Shabbes Goys™
For Jews who are Shomre
Shabbes but still want to do
regular things

produx/kosher service/scifi
‘Let the Shikse do it!’
Cheryl the Shikse™
All your Shabbes needs
taken care of by Cheryl the
Shapely Shikse

produx/kosher service/scifi
4Just4Jews
‘Ask about Shomre Shabbes
Shagging deals – it’s a
mitzvah!’







Shabbes
ADDsonge .
‘Let me be your Shabbes
Goy’
Non-Jewish girl who
expresses her feelings for
her Jewish boyfriend

Gay Jewish Weddings Gay Gezunterhait™
The Rabbi Business
Specializing in gay Jewish
Weddings
Jewish dating site for
Jewish gays and lesbians
4Just4Jews
>PiX/mmovies/produx/
wedding biz/dotcom/scifi
Jew the Cud™
Kosher Bacon
‘All our GM pigs chew the
cud’
Jewish pig farmer /
Jews who like bacon but feel
guilty about eating it
produx/kosher food/restaurant
4Just4Jews
JewSeaFood™
Traifish™
Our GM shellfish have fins &
scales and what’s more, we
fed them on our farm, so
they’re not scavengers.
That means oysters,
mussels, prawns & crayfish
- ALL KOSHER!


>PiX/grafix
produx/kosher food/restaurant
4Just4Jews






Kosher
Sosher Kushi™
Kosher Sushi
Restaurant 4Just4Jews
produx/kosher food


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 121 www.logicalstupidity.com
CURRENT
PREVAILING TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MIDDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBID:
Special Talent from a Unique
Blessing In Disguise
Masalatov™
Kosher Indian Restaurant
Hinjew: Hindu who grew up
Jewish
Jewindu: Jew who grew up
Hindu

– (less likely, but point
is both would eat Indian food if
it were kosher)
produx/kosher food/Just4Jews
Kuresh Cohen’s Kosher
Delhi™
produx/kosher food/restaurant
4Just4Jews
Chopped liver Jalfrezi™ produx/kosher food
4Just4Jews
Perishwari Chala Bread™ produx/kosher food
4Just4Jews









Kosher
Kosher Fridge™
A game teaching kids about
the laws of Kashrut.
The game consists of two
fridges for milk and meat.
Various meat, milk and
parev products have to be
packed into the two fridges.
There’s only one way
everything can fit – the
kosher way.
Can you figure it out?


4Just4Jews
produx/kosher toys
Toy Company
(Sponsor op)
TumulDick™
– the wildest ride of your
life
4Just4Jews Sex Toys™
produx/sex toy/exec toy/scifi
(Sponsor op)
>PiX/grafix




Kosher Sex
PesachDick™
(Matzah balls included)
It’s Kosher for Passover and
comes in a Matzah Box
(for privacy)

produx/sex toy/scifi
4Just4Jews
>PiX/grafix


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 122 www.logicalstupidity.com
CURRENT
PREVAILING TRENDS
MESHUGGANAH
MIDDLE
YOU & YOUR STUBID:
Special Talent from a Unique
Blessing In Disguise
Kosher Sex ChutzpahDick™

– who
came up with this? How
dare they?*
*translation: ‘I want one.’
>PiX/grafix
produx/sex toy/scifi
4Just4Jews
Sex Toy company
(Sponsor op)

Kosher Clothing YeHoody™
Jew talking to me?
EdgeWear for rebeligious
kids
For religious rebels
SimchaRobics™
Simcha dancing as a serious
workout
Fitness Company/scifi
4Just4Jews




Kosher Exercise
‘Fitness for Frummies’
Guys get your gear from
shvetzing.com (e.g.
spandex with Tzitzit built in)

And girls get your sheitles
from funkysheitle.com
(designed especially for
workouts)
Be more You-ish:
Frummie can be funky
4Just4Jews





4Just4Jews
And while we’re exercising…
Mind, Body, Spirit
+ Combination of
religions
TaiKee Jitso Quando
Disco Yogalingus™
Way more than just mind,
body & spirit; this one
improves your oral sex life
too
Fitness expert/sex
therapist/theologian
Spa Biz/Guru biz

Keep mixing it up and you’ll eventually get to the ultimate combination:

TAIKEE JITSO QUANDO DISCO YOGALINGUS X2
KABBALISTIC HINDU CHRISTO MUSLIM
HOT STONE AROMA THAI THERAPY SING!


14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 123 www.logicalstupidity.com
O SPARX 113: RELIGITUNITY: Use your religion as a stimulus for
innovation

This inspiration device led to the following:



mMMovies .TVshow {shtix YIDVID
EVEL KNEIDEL and his halachically incorrect stunts 4Just4Jews

Disclaimer / Warning:
These are all highly dangerous stunts you should not attempt
unless you have loads of chutzpah. Kneidel is a professional
stuntman who also happens to love being Jewish.
It’s from Jewish laws & customs that he’s found THE ANSWER:
Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R, from which all material comes.

Do not attempt these stunts unless you’re prepared to deal with
the consequences of asking serious questions about Judaism. For
each of these clips, you’re going to play the role of Kneidel.
Before getting into the role, you need to figure out what
question your action statement asks. If you don’t like the
question, then don’t do the stunt, or find another stunt to ask
a question you’d like to ask.

Kneidel is so proud of being Jewish that he wants to fly the
flag of Yiddishkite as high as possible, in fact literally,
which is exactly why he invented the YiddishKite:

mMMovies vid {shtix
The YiddishKite™ fly it your way
produx/exec/toy/sport/advertising 4Just4Jews

The YiddishKite is a kite designed to look like a massive flying
Tallis Gadol - a large rectangular garment with fringes (see
pic).

Anyone interested in designing, producing and flying this
product should also include the following text on the tallis:
YiddishKite – keep it flying.
www.logicalstupidity.com

The same way that ‘YiddishKite’ can be advertised on a kite, so
can any logo or website.
New business venture: KITEVERTISING™ / www.WebsiteWithWings.com™
/ Wings4Webs™ / WebWings™ / KiteSites™ / FlySite™

- airtime for
your website
Get your site on a kite

produx/dotcom/kite biz



14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 124 www.logicalstupidity.com


Here are 4 out of 17 of Evel Kneidel’s Halacha defying stunts.
I’m keeping the best ones for the paid version of the book, so you might as well buy it.


mMMovies {shtix dilog 4Just4Jews
1) Goy Ride
Dressed in orthodox clothing on Shabbes, Kneidel cruises down
Golders Green main road (or similar) in a Hummer (or similar)
with reg plate ‘Evel Kneidel’.
As rap music blares from the windows he nods his head to the
beat and offers rides to everyone coming from synagogue,
spreading the message that ‘We’re supposed to rest on The
Sabbath, not work. Walking is working. Get in the car!’

[Director’s notes: Organize a few ‘plants’ to jump in. We’ll
need plenty of reaction shots, so you’ll have to shoot from
inside a rap mobile with tinted windows.]

mMMovies {shtix dilog 4Just4Jews
2) ‘Let the Jew through’
Evel cuts to the front of various queues saying, ‘Jew coming
through; excuse me, sorry, let the Jew through. We don’t queue
for anything. Sorry, not part of our religion. Out of my way.
Hello? A little respect here. Make way for the chosen people.
Thank you.’
(Only attempt this stunt in the Diaspora, i.e. anywhere besides
Israel.)

mMMovies wMoviePitch {shtix dilog 4Just4Jews

14) ‘The Afiko Man’
This is a movie pitch available in the e-book.

mMMovies wMoviePitch dilog 4Just4Jews
[produx – it’s a real place, not just a movie!]
15) Gucci Pooch Dog Rehab™


You’d think that life was stress free as the pampered pet of
the jet set, but it’s not. And only pet psychologist Dr
Jewlittle knows how to deal with their petty anxieties and
neuroses – by taking them back to their wild dog roots at the
Gucci Pooch Boot Camp...




15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 125 www.logicalstupidity.com
15. Pop Song Poetry –
The Rehash Part of The Equation



O SPARX 103: POP SONG POETRY

‘To steal from Steven Wright is plagiarism. To steal from many comedians is
research.’ – Peter Greenwall


PSP is a device to help you create new songs, products and movies by combining 2 or
more samples of your favourite influences. Here’s how it works:

1) Cut 'n' Paste words from your target influences onto cards.

2) Shuffle and throw the cards, read them as they lie & lie about them as you read.


Examples:

For a new Coffee shop: HooterBucks – ‘hot chicks hot coffee’ TRY OUR S(LATTE)’S
(produx)

Fitness program: Yogalingus – a workout for your mind, body & tongue (produx)

Movie: Pots & Pans – the magical (gay) kitchen adventures of Harry Pan
and Peter Potter (mmovies)



POP SONG POETRY was originally a device used for writing songs by rehashing your
favourite lyrics. For example, you could take a ‘hey’ from ‘Hey Jude’ or ‘Hey
Macarena’, a ‘shiki bum bum’ from somewhere, a ‘moon in June’ and a ‘together
forever’, roll it all into one, like a new improved mortgage deal, and then
GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX! Just sing whatever! So here we go:


15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 126 www.logicalstupidity.com
SONG 25 POP SONG POETRY . [LYRIX www.. MUSICVIDw.]
WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER
WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER I’M GOING ON ABOUT

GIRLS IN POP SONGS ONLY COME FROM THE PLACE WITH WHICH THEY RHYME
THAT'S WHY THINGS HAPPEN IN JUNE
LIKE HER RED LIPS OF DESIRE
THEY RHYME WITH MOON
HER MOONLIGHT AND FIRE

THERE IS NOTHING TO EXPLAIN
WE'RE DOING POP SONG POETRY
SO DRIVE MY CAR AND LOVE ME LIKE YESTERDAY
YOUR LOVE IS A ROSE
LIKE AN EAGLE IN THE SKY
THAT'S GETTING ME HIGH
AS A MEANINGLESS METAPHOR
THAT MAY NOT DESCRIBE WHATEVER

WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER
WHATEVER I'M GOING ON ABOUT

INVISIBLE ROBOT FISH CLIMBING UP THE WALL
IT'S NOT ABOUT A GIRL WHO GOT AWAY
IT'S NOT ABOUT A WOMAN AT ALL
IT'S ABOUT FLOWERS IN THE RAIN
AND THE PEOPLE IN THE CITY
STOP THINKING - USE YOUR BRAIN
SHE LOOKS SO PRETTY
THERE IS NOTHING TO EXPLAIN…

NAH NAH NAH NAH
I’M DOING POP SONG POETRY
BOOM SHICKI BUM BUM SHICKI BUM BUM
IS POP SONG POETRY
EVERYBODY HEART LOVE I NEED YOU THE GIRL
DREAM KISS TOGETHER FOREVER
YOU DON'T LOVE ME LIKE I DO OO OO I’M DOING
POP SONG POETRY

NAH NAH NAH NAH
I'M DOING POP SONG POETRY
I'M STUCK FOR TIME SO THAT'S WHY I'M CHANGING KEY
THAT'S ME I'M DONE I'M RUNNING LOW ON POETRY
BUT I KNOW THE DJ'S GONNA FADE ME ANYWAY
SO I THINK I'LL JUST END IT HERE


15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 127 www.logicalstupidity.com



PSP works on the principle of EDITED HIGHLIGHTS:
The best bits of anything will automatically be interesting.

This is based on:

Camera/Particle theory
{ShtiX

The ‘point a cam’ or camera/particle principle is in fact part of Einstein’s quantum
theory: he observed that particles behave differently when they’re being watched.
Indeed they do; they start pulling funny faces, saying funny things, fighting with each
other, blowing things up, ordering troops into foreign countries to blow things up,
eating road kill and maggots, driving nails through their testicles, and just generally
acting weird.

Nobody knows I’m an idiot yet because I don’t have a camera following me around.
But if I did and you edited all my ‘best bits’ together, I’d be a buffoon just like all the
other celebs you love to hate / make fun of. I can’t wait to prove this theory!

Just as Bush and others in the limelight reveal loads of ‘human nature’ when being
filmed, so too do animals reveal animal nature: March of the Penguins is about
penguins just being penguins.

It’s a fascinating documentary, partly because they really are fascinating, and partly
because you need to film them for a year and shoot over 120 hours of footage to
capture the magic in an 80-minute documentary. That’s nearly 4 times the average
15 minutes of fame we humans get, which is why penguins are nearly 4 times as
fascinating as most of us can ever hope to be.
Unless of course you apply the camera/particle principle when creating your own
documentaries, which is what you’re about to do now:


If you still don’t believe that film footage is proportional to fascination and fame, and
that pointing a camera or microphone at anything or anyone will cause it to do
something interesting, then here are a few ways to prove it on your own, by making:


15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 128 www.logicalstupidity.com



O SPARX 110: EDITED HIGHLIGHTS, THE DOCUMENTARY


The following are mini documentaries you’re going to make to demonstrate
camera/particle theory – i.e. that the best bits of anything will be fascinating.

Cue the example video consisting of edited highlights of 3-second clips of X-factor
or ‘Britain’s got talent’ contestants – notice how the edited package is always better
than the unedited version?

Now over to you. Here are 3 out of 22 documentaries you can make.
(Buy the book for the rest.)



mMMovies viz .TVshow {shtix
1) A day in the life of me
PNN: Personal News Network / ‘Best Bits’

Get a camera crew to follow you around.
Edit all your best bits together over an appropriate soundtrack.
Watch in amazement at the incredible day you just had.




mMMovies {shtix

2) March of the Turds

Shove a tiny camera up your bum. Call it: ‘The March of the
Turds' – a colonoscomentary in the style of ‘Inside Britain’s
fattest man’.

‘But is it entertainment?’ you ask.
Yes. You'll find watching people who are queuing up to see it
highly entertaining.



15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 129 www.logicalstupidity.com


mMMovies .TVshow dilog {shtix ‘Press Junkie’
3) Press Junk Kit
How to interview anyone to make them fascinating

Interview anybody for 4 minutes – e.g. your builder on his tea
break or a plumber who comes to repair your boiler. Why 4
minutes? That’s the time given to any journalist doing a press
junket – an interview with a movie star to promote their latest
movie. It’s kept short because there could be up to 50
journalists doing the same interview in one day. They’re
usually given all kinds of perks to say nice things, which is
where the name media or junket whores comes from.
But the point of your experiment is to prove that an interview
with any regular person can be way more fascinating than a movie
star junket. To do this you’ll have to ask your subject ‘junket
style’ questions – e.g.

What’s it like working with a director as famous as British Gas?
Which co-worker was the most fun to work with?
How did you prepare for the role?
Does your character relate to the role of plumber? How so? (If
not, then why not?)
What was the easiest / hardest / most fun / most boring part?
I notice you showed a lot of bum cleavage. Is that expected of
everyone in the biz? Did it feel weird at first getting into
that, or were you a natural?
Do underwear companies pay you extra to do that?
What other kinds of product placement goes on in your business?
What does the future hold for your relationship with British
Gas?

That should be enough to fill 4 minutes, but if not, then refer
to more press junket questions.

Edit the best bits together and compare it to a real press
junket. Which is more fascinating? If you can’t decide, then
upload it and we’ll all decide for you.

[Director’s notes: You can substitute plumber for anyone who’s
not a movie star, e.g. a cab driver, carpenter, dentist,
proctologist, shrink, sky repair guy. You don’t even have to
wait for them to come over. Next time a telemarketer phones
you, say you’ll answer their questions if they answer yours.

Also refer to more press junket questions. These are just a few
that come to mind.
If you have the time and budget, you could make it even funnier
by doing it in the style of the biography channel, or VH1’s
‘behind the music’, except it’s about a very ordinary person.]



16. Rename The Mundane - Remixing the Melodies of Life


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 130 www.logicalstupidity.com
16. Reframe The Mundane –
Remix!ng the Melodies of Life


Whereas PSP changes the form, reframing changes the context. This is about turning
raw footage into material by focusing on editing and presenting. For example:


SUBSTANCE = Raw Footage = Old Life STYLE = Material = New Life

1) A comedian turns an encounter with an air hostess into a comedy routine.
2) A psychologist turns the same event into a psychological disorder.
3) A playwright turns the conversation directly into a play.
4) A businessman turns one of the sound bites into a ringtone.
5) An artist turns the seat and the window into an art installation.
6) A stylist turns the messed up hair into the ‘just got out of bed’ look.
7) David Blaine turns being bored to death into a PR stunt.
8) Dido transcribes the minutiae of her day into a pop song.
9) Simon Cowell turns regular wannabees into pop stars.
10) A chef turns regular ingredients into a gourmet meal.
11) Nicky Greenwall turns any Reuters feed into showbiz news.
12) Richard Quest (CNN) turns anything into news.


WORLD EXCLUSIVE BIG REVEAL: the 6 stages of the cycle of innovation

How solutions can be found in unlikely places – demonstrated by the invention of 18
new products.
(The products are explained in detail in the e-book.)

2) Satnav
You’re the captain of a ship. On arrival in Hawaii, you hire a car and get hopelessly
lost. You think to yourself: how is it possible that I can find an island in the Pacific
Ocean but not my way back to the harbour? Why can’t I have satellite navigation in
my car? EOX! You’ve just invented it, or figured out how someone else might have.

Following on from Satnav…

mMMovies eprodux

3) PayNav™

Automated satellite billing for parking, toll roads and other
restricted areas.

Buy the book for 2 pages on how it all works – why we’re not
doing this is beyond me!



16. Rename The Mundane - Remixing the Melodies of Life


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 131 www.logicalstupidity.com
4) GreenWall Card™ – use your green points as cash.

5) Credit Cardio Gym™ – burn calories, not fossil fuels.

6) RechargeGarage™, LockerCharge™, CardioCharger™,

HourOfPower™ –
ways to tap into working out energy.



mMMovies
7) GoogleNav™ & GoogleNav Tourist™
produx/satnav software/mobile phone

– personal tour guide for your mobile phone – wherever you are!




8) mMMovies {shtix ¤pix/tourist photos
e´produx/climate crisis/dotcom/tourist footage



www.nevergoanywhere.com™

- better than being there, because
you’re not

2 pages of detail.



mMMovies viz {shtix
13) Personal Cocaine Dispenser™ – PCD BOX
produx/gadget/joke okay?/not real/scifi

You’re listening to your boyfriend’s latest CD in the studio.
It’s so awful you feel you need to do a line of cocaine before
you can say anything positive. As you search for a flat surface
you get your EOX! A Pete Doherty CD box!
And just like that, you invent ‘the PCD BOX’ – Personal Cocaine
Dispenser.
Cleverly disguised as a CD box, the straw secretly slides into a
slot inside the cover just like a PDA pen.
Order now and get the limited silver edition signed by Kate
Moss.

For the source of this idea ¬ ¯Search images:
‘kate moss doing cocaine’

Or, how about a parody poster / T-Shirt involving Calvin Klein,
featuring Co Kaine1 – just sniff it. >PiX [produx]
(Or should it be ‘smell & sniff’.)
(Surely by now enough time has passed for Kate’s cocaine bust to
be officially funny?)



16. Rename The Mundane - Remixing the Melodies of Life


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 132 www.logicalstupidity.com




mMMovies viz {shtix
16) Last Rides™ – trash your old car the fun way
produx/sport/betting/car destruction/red letter day

You’re devastated to hear that your favourite old banger is
going to need repair work costing more than the car is worth.
You know you have to trash it, but you can’t bear the thought of
dumping your sentimentamobile at the crushers; you’d rather
crash it into a wall or something. Eureka – EOX! Wouldn’t it
be great if you could give it one last ride on an obstacle
course involving a few brick walls?
Or wait, even better, how amazing would it be to have a red-
letter day at the amateur stock car racing track, right next to
the car crusher, and take home a video of the whole thing?!
And if you’re too much of a woos, then hand it over to others
who’d happily pay for the privilege.
Or even watch trained professionals racing your old banger
against others. You could even take bets and turn it into a day
at the races, with a vested interest in your car!
You even get to take home your compacted car, or part thereof,
as a coffee table.
(produx/furniture/recycling/climate crisis solution)



mMMovies {shtix

17) Demolition Therapy™ – Therapeutic Damage To Property
produx/therapy/car & building demolition biz

At the end of a day of destroying cars, you notice how terrific
you feel. EOX! Demolition Therapy uses positive destruction to
de-stress and manage anger.
Explode your overload by trashing cars and buildings.
After a crash course of using demolition equipment used on
demolition sites, overstressed high-powered execs or office
workers would be qualified to perform a useful demolition
function while simultaneously exploding their overloads.
Win-win.
(Sponsor op)




16. Rename The Mundane - Remixing the Melodies of Life


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 133 www.logicalstupidity.com

After studying these 18 case studies, a pattern emerges that sheds light on the
innovation process:



What do all these EOX! connections have in common?

1) Nobody tried to invent anything; they’re all gapcidents – accidents where a gap
was found.

2) They all come from RIGS: Random Idea Generating Situations.

3) There was a desire to solve a mystery, i.e. aspiration – the ‘A’ and fulcrum of
PIFYAFING – Pulling Ideas From Your Aspiration for FINancial Gain.

4) That desire was expressed as a rhetorical question to the metaphysical
(metalogue), as in
‘what’s up with this?’ or ‘why can’t I have satellite navigation in my car?’– i.e. all
metalogues revolve around that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R.

5) All metalogues were answered by a connection, or EOX! – the melody of life.
(Be on the lookout for the phrase: ‘…so I thought to myself…’)

6) The EOX! always connects information from the past with information from the
future – two or more different worlds – simply because you were at the right place
at the right time (i.e. the centre of an intersection of completely unrelated ideas).
1


7) It’s not only your specific mystery that was solved, but a universal mystery as well,
which is why you’re rewarded with a tremendously good feeling. This is how you
can identify an EOX!
If you don’t actually laugh out loud when you have one, then they have exactly the
same feeling as laughter.

[See ‘Laughter – the cause of The Big Bang’ for more info.]



See ‘How to get yourself into unlikely places’.


It’s no coincidence that Parallel Universe Theory and Previously Unconnected ThingZ
are connected by the same acronym; there’s only one PUTZ who can see the
connection between this universe and the one you’re acting as an ambassador for –
and that’s you.

1
For more about intersectional innovation read ‘The Medici Effect’ by Frans Johansson



17. 6 Branding Strategies Used in the ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 134 www.logicalstupidity.com
17. 6 Branding Strategies Used in the
ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells



Branding is the science of getting people to change their mind from ‘yes but what
would you actually do with it?’ to ‘I gotta have one of those now!’



We’re going to look at 6 ways to do this:


1) The Name: why add value when all you need is an adjective?

2) Fashion: if you can’t change the way you look, turn it into a fashion.

3) Price Tag: you can’t polish a turd, but you can put a price tag on it.

4) Soundtrack: don’t say it; sing it – or at least put a soundtrack under it.
(If you’re a musician, then bitch about it to the beat.)

5) Tone of Voice: how to turn anything into news, by using DRAMA IN YOUR
VOICE.

6) Technology: the cooler the gadget, the less you care about the content.



18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 135 www.logicalstupidity.com
18. Rhythmagination &
Doodling to the Deadline


HOW TO SET YOUR MIND FREE TO DESTROY CONTEXT



Most sounds we hear are heard out of context – we don’t see exactly what’s causing
the sound, and as a result we have to fill in the gaps and guess what the sound could
be. For example, if you hear a bang outside, it could be a gunshot, exhaust backfire
or fireworks. This is how sounds become audio triggers that connect you to past and
future events.



REVEALED: How visual & audio triggers create gapcidents – happy accidents where
logic collides with stupidity to create new ideas.


18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 136 www.logicalstupidity.com
DOODLING TO THE DEADLINE applied to songwriting

O SPARX 153: MIND THE MAP – DO NOT BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
The objective: to get horribly lost and discover places that nobody’s ever been to
before.

Just as events and shapes trigger images, so too will any squiggle you draw, and this
is how you’re able to create elaborate doodles while you’re on the telephone. If you’re
at a piano, any chord you play will make you think of notes within the chord. So just
as you tend to want to finish people’s sentences off for them, when you hear three
notes, you’ll want to finish off the statement.

Try it: without looking at the keyboard, play any three notes. Now complete the
statement you’ve just made. Just keep doodling and eventually it will start to look like
something; then fill in the gaps, and songs will magically appear. Don’t decide what it
is until it’s done. And even then, reserve judgement – let others decide what it is.

For lyrics, do exactly the same. Just say everything you’re feeling, like what you need
to get your song going: ‘I need words to make up phrases…’

SONG 26 DOODLING TO THE DEADLINE . [LYRIX]

I NEED WORDS TO MAKE UP PHRASES TO MAKE UP VERSES TO MAKE UP THE CHORUS

Now start throwing out some random musical phrases:

SWING TIME MOVE TIME, GROOVING TO THE BASSLINE
LICKING OUT THE CHOPS TO THE BEAT BOX
THE RIFF THE LINE THE FILL THE STAB
LICKING OUT THE CHOPS TO THE BEAT BOX

Keep going; repeat lines that work well:

IT’S ALL GOT TO GO TOGETHER
JUST LIKE THE NOTES OF A MEASURE

I NEED WORDS TO MAKE UP PHRASES TO MAKE UP VERSES TO MAKE UP THE CHORUS

What else do you need?

AND ALL I NEED IS THE GROOVE
JUST THE RHYTHM
A COUPLE OF WORDS TO MAKE UP PHRASES
AND WATCH ME GO
WALKING ALL OVER THE PLACE
WITH MY UNINTENDED PHRASES
WHO KNOWS WHERE I’M GOING
PUTTING DOWN THE GROOVE TRACK
LICKING OUT THE CHOPS
FIX IT IN THE MIX
PUTTING DOWN THE RHYTHM TRACK
WALKING ALL OVER THE PLACE
IT’S GOT TO GO TOGETHER
WHEN YOU’RE PUTTING DOWN THE RHYTHM TRACK
IT MUST BE JUST ABOUT SWING TIME MOVE TIME, GROOVING TO THE BASSLINE…


18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 137 www.logicalstupidity.com
RHYTHMAGINATION – your tempomental rhythm
O SPARX 145: LET YOUR MIND DESTROY CONTEXT BY LETTING IT
FLOW IN THE DIRECTION IT WANTS TO GO


mMMovies viz {Shtix
10) Sonic Intelligence
Sounds are attached to events for a reason – they tell you
things you need to know:
[audio FX of reversing truck]
This is the unmistakable sound of a reversing truck. There’s a
reason this sound goes with this reversing truck - to warn you
that somewhere very close to you is
A GREAT BIG REVERSING TRUCK – GET OUT THE WAY!
Or if you’re a guy and you’re taking a pee in the dark, sounds
have the same function as lights on a runway - they give you
vital positional information:
[sfx] This is the sound of the pee hitting the centre of the
bowl, giving you centre position, and telling you to move
slightly off because there’s no need to wake everyone in the
house.
[sfx] This is the sound of the side of the bowl telling you that
you’re on course; stay where we you are.
[sfx] This is the sound of the magazine rack telling you to move
back quickly to centre position.
[fart sfx] Too much pressure, relax a little.
[cat screeching sfx] This is the sound of the cat you didn’t
realize was in there, and [sfx of door scratching] this is the
sound of the cat in a rush to get out after being pissed and
farted on.
This is how we use sounds to give us useful information to tell
us what’s going on, where we are and where we’ve come from,
which is why we like music so much: it connects you to specific
thought frequencies that take you back to happy or sad memories,
making you want to ‘play it again, Sam’.
The opening riff from Aha’s ‘Take on me’, Vanhalen’s ‘Jump’,
‘Final Countdown’ and ‘Eye of the Tiger’ will instantly connect
you to all kinds of memories from your past – where you were and
who you were with.
---
But now, thanks to the ringtone mix of every sound that ever
existed, you have no idea what’s coming at you: a vicious dog, a
cow, a lion, a wild cat, a pneumatic drill, a toothbrush, a car,
a fart.
They should be warning messages, like ‘there’s a cow on the bus,
move!’ or ‘warning – someone just farted, move away’.
But no. Now we have no idea what’s going on. And if you think
this is confusing, spare a thought for the blind. One can only
hope there are no pedestrian crossing ringtones:



18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 138 www.logicalstupidity.com



mMMovies viz {shtix
‘Sound FX Blind’

Show a blind man setting off to cross a busy intersection on
hearing a pedestrian crossing ringtone, but do not show him
getting run over. Use a professional stuntman for that.



So why is all this confusion necessary?


Sounds out of context = BIG REVENUE! The sound of a simulated scooter starting up
superimposed over an animated frog = crazy frog remix = £40 million worth of logical
stupidity.


This kind of revenue forces you to see all kinds of other sounds in a whole new
context, so that’s exactly what we’re doing in this chapter.


Sounds provide messages from distant worlds telling you how to FIB: Fill In Blanks.
For instance, a train’s hooter or a doorbell will give you 2 or 3 notes, which is all you
need to connect you to a tune you already know:


This doorbell [sfx] provides the first two notes of a popular Brazilian football anthem,
connecting you with all kinds of world cup memories. [demo]


This means that if you’re a composer of music, it automatically makes you finish off
the ‘statement’ on your own. For example:


4 bees buzzing around a flower, in harmony with the vacuum cleaner and your electric
toothbrush, and you might just hear a D major 7 flattened 5
th.




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A dove cooing can connect you to the opening riff of a new song:
Listen to how the sound of a dove cooing crossfades perfectly with the opening riff of
‘New York, New York’. [soundbite demo]

In the next movie I’m going to show you how to use a natural sound, like the
squeaking brakes of a bus, as the starting point of a new composition:




mMMovies/viz/produx/album/band/artist/inspiration device for
composing music

‘Brakes & fills’ by BusTop 40 - music inspired by street sounds
ADDsonge .

Picture this: A trumpet player is busking near a busy bus stop.
He’s not playing any standards but improvising his own melodies
over funky backing tracks coming from a boom box connected to a
laptop. As each bus approaches he uses the notes played by
squeaking brakes as the starting riff for a new melodic
direction. He continues with the same piece until the next bus
approaches, which is also his cue to change the backing track.
Connected to his laptop is a microphone which he uses to
encourage anybody walking past to say, rap or sing something -
just a few lines of whatever they’re thinking about.
So not only does he use squeaking bus brakes as inspiration, but
vocal melodies as well. Then he moves on to all street sounds –
some as inspiration for improvisation and some as samples,
recorded and inserted rhythmically into the music. So, for
example, car hoots would be part of the mix.

He hands out cards giving his website where all live productions
are available to purchase, and he sells his CD’s from a trumpet
case which is also used for tips.
The top CD shows the title: ‘Brakes & Fills, by BusTop 40’.
An assistant of his teaches the choreography for the ‘The
Squeaky Brake Dance’ to the people waiting at the bus stop. The
whole thing is videod and available for all to see on youtube
the same night.
Search for BusTop 40 as soon as it becomes available – i.e. as
soon as it leaves the metaphysical thoughtmosphere and enters
the physical world – i.e. as soon as my guessedge becomes
knowledge – i.e. my regular bullshit becomes professional
bullshit – i.e. my dreams come true.






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‘Brakes & Fills’ was inspired by the sound effects choir on the
Honda commercial.

I wondered: What if, instead of the choir replicating sound
effects with their voices, they transcribed them into tones,
intervals and rhythms and then used them as the starting points
of new melodies? And what if you could do it ‘on the fly’?
And what if it was done by a busker feeding off sound effects
from the streets?

That wonder was just a wonder uploaded to the thoughtmosphere,
until I cycled past a bus whose brakes sounded like a really
loud melodic bird song. EOX! That was the connection I needed
to complete the sketch of ‘Brakes & Fills’, a play on ‘Breaks &
Fills’, which are building blocks used in music production.
Now over to you, either to create this sketch or adopt the same
system into your world: mMMovies Busking for Birds

What if you were a clarinettist and did the same thing in a
forest of birds?
What if you transcribed bird song melodies into actual melodies
and recorded them?
And how would the birds appreciate their songs being plagiarised
and adapted? Would they change their tunes to match your new
version? Where do they get their song ideas from? Who’s
teaching who here? Only one way to find out:

Dream it up, then just do it...

Honda – the power of dreams
[Sponsorship opportunity]






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O SPARX 146: PLAGIARISE NATURE!
The above movie is designed to demonstrate how natural sounds can be used as
inspiration for musical pieces. To use this device, carry a digital recorder with you and
start recording the sounds of nature and machines. When you get back to your studio,
either import the sample directly into your music software program or play the closest
representation on a musical instrument. Use each natural riff as the starting riff for a
musical piece, filling in the gaps as you hear them. Consider the sounds and rhythms
of printers, cars starting up, engines idling, bird calls…go wild!

The sound of a car starting up combined with the fact that you’re starting a new
relationship, leads to an EOX! A car starting up effect can be used to symbolise a
relationship starting up:


ADDsonge . LET’S TRY TO GET THIS THING GOING [car starting sfx]

This is how sounds trigger thoughts that get us to see things from other worlds.
A throat clearance can do the same thing. [sfx] Remind you of anything?
Well then, how about this one? Sfx of throat clearing that resembles the famous
scooter effect from the crazyfrog ringtone. Put that over a beat and you have the
Crazy Frog ringtone and £40 million!

Now instead of a throat clearing scooter sound, let’s do the same thing with another
natural human sound. [fart sfx] Removed from its natural context and inserted over a
hip-hop backbeat, it becomes this:
ADDsonge . www. PUT A NEW FLAVOUR IN THE ATMOSPHERE (FART SONG)

Rhythmagination means allowing your mind to go where it wants to go; so instead of
calling it ‘Fart Song’ we’ll go for the lyric: ‘Put A New Flavour In The Atmosphere’.
I only notice these things because my STUBID tells me how to connect things
musically. Your STUBID tells you exactly how to connect things and what you have to
do to complete the picture.

Plagiarise nature!

>PiX/cartoon/grafix ‘The sig nature of God’
A gorgeous sunset with multiple colours in the sky. The
reflection of the sun on the ocean makes up the ‘g’, there’s a
copyright on the sun, a trademark on the moon, which together
looks like God’s signed the sunset.
Something like this, only a lot prettier: g©d™

God doesn’t seem to be too protective over His intellectual property, as long as he gets
a mention in your thank you speech. This means that all divine colours, aromas,
flavours, textures, operating systems, rhythms and melodies are up for grabs. In fact,
just this morning, I was woken up by a rather enthusiastic dawn chorus of bird songs,
which were not far off being radio-friendly pop tunes. The problem was that they
weren’t singing as a group, but rather as a bunch of soloists competing against each
other. Where have I seen this before? EOX! Pop Idols & X-factor, except all the
contestants were singing at the same time. That’s what led to this sketch / movie
pitch:


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mMMovies dilog wMoviePitch

FLOCK IDOLS - ‘The search is on for the nest big thing’
Other names: Dawn Chorus, Tweet Factor, Get the Flock Out of
Here, What the Flock?!
The scene: The Aviary, London Zoo. Various birds are
auditioning for a panel of bird judges:
Simon Owl: More interested in trying to wit and to woo the
contestants than judge them.
Sharon Oztrich: Does her best to be as diplomatic as possible
but can’t help laughing out loud when things get really bad.

Louis Belch: A long-tailed tit who’s more interested in
outwitting Owl than judging the contestants.
All aspects of TV talent shows should be parodied: the
background on the contestants, the long queues stretching into
the streets to get into the aviary, the waiting, the audition
itself and the breaking of good or bad news to bird families
waiting anxiously outside.
Two categories:
Dawn Chorus - a capella groups doing their signature bird songs.
Solo artists - doing their versions of popular songs, backed by
a live band of birds.
It’s the early elimination rounds of Flock Idols and we’re
listening to the solo artists:
The girls:
Holly Woodpecker – sings ‘When Doves Cry’
She does this amazingly complex drum solo by tap-dancing on the
snare drum while pecking on the hi-hat. Also flies between the
other drums to create incredibly complex rhythms. Unbelievable.
You gotta see this.
Shakira Terry (a secretary bird with big breasts) – sings
‘Whenever, wherever...we should flock together’
Peacock Teza (gorgeous bird who knows how to use what she has to
get where she needs to go) – song to be decided
Mandy Duck (from a duck pond in the aviary) – sings (to someone
throwing bread) ‘Why does bread suddenly appear every time you
are near?’
Weather Fukawai (Asian bird with a song that sounds like her
name)
Cuckoo Potty (complete nutter who’s all over the place – chirps
a thousand words a minute and flies off on tangents, literally)
– sings ‘Dilly Moggy Whacky Bazarro’, one of her own
compositions, even though it’s against the rules
Amy Birdhouse (a gorgeous flamingo with tattoos and an
outrageous birds nest of a hairdo) – sings ‘Birdbath’:
They tried to make me take a birdbath, I say NO NO NO
They tried to make me take a birdbath, I won’t GO GO GO


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Flock of Seagulls – bunch of teenage yobs squawking loudly out
of tune but in time to ‘Acceptable In the 80’s’ (Calvin Harris).
They have some amazing choreography worked out but are stopped
halfway through when they’re told they should be in the groups
section

Robin Titmouse (a transpecies birdmouse who’s had wing surgery
in a desperate attempt to be accepted as a bird) – sings
‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’

Before we introduce the guys, we go into ‘You’ll never find
another Dove’, a duet sung by two gorgeous, white doves
(original by Michael Buble & Laura Pausini)

The guys:
Homer Pigeon (works as an extra and stunt bird in movies / most
dangerous stunt was getting shot out of a tree by Bart Simpson
in the Mother Bart episode)
– sings ‘Home’ by Michael Buble

Guinness Fowl (fowlmouthed punk rocker) – sings ‘Firestarter’

Yatsu Sushimi (Japanese robin) – sings ‘Everybody was Earthworm
Fighting’

Avner Crowsky (orthodox Jewish crow with a long beak) – sings
Hassidic songs

Vic Vulture – sings ‘Eat You Alive’ by Limp Bizkit

Robbie Cockpecker (very camp gay robin) – sings ‘Fly me to the
moon’

Johnny Baldeagle (American crooner with a voice like Michael
Buble) –sings ‘Come Fly With Me’

Repeter Parrot – sings repetitive club tracks and then repeats
everything Simon Owl says, so all his insults fly straight back
at him.

Shaggy Blackbird (rapper) – rap song to be decided

Simon: What was that?
Blackbird: That’s my courting solo, it works every time.

mMMovies:
Turkey Masala: Before Turkey’s audition we see a short
flockumentary about his family who was killed in the British
Xmas persecution of 2004. Masala managed to escape, and stowed
away in a passenger cruise liner bound for India where he now
practises yoga and works for the Turkey Rights Organisation.
He’s using Flock Idols as a platform to campaign against
Thanksgiving, Xmas and bird flu culling persecutions around the
world.

His band, The Vegans, are booked to perform with other animals
at LIVESTOCK, a rock concert raising awareness about animal
conservation. [See notes below]



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SHOWTIME:

MALE VO: Live from The Aviary, London Zoo, it’s Flock Idols: the
search for the nest big thing. [Cue theme music]
[Cue opening production number - ‘Your Love Keeps Lifting Me
Higher’, featuring The Fabulous Flamingo Girls backed by Nando’s
Chicken Dancers doing the chicken dance. The two songs should
be cut, superimposed and blended together.]

VO: Please welcome your host for the evening: Afrikahn Peng
Wahn.

Afrikahn: [Chris Rock doing shtick] Yo yo, mah main flock, wsup.
I just flew in from The South Pole and boy are my wings tired.
[Audience laughter] Well I would have flown, but all the
flights were booked up. [Laughter]
I’m kidding, I’m not from Antarctica - I’m from Robben Island,
South Africa...
[A few other penguins in the audience whistle and applaud]
Oh, I see I have a few of my South African brothers out there.
Good job we’re black AND white, huh? [Laugh] Talk about the
best of both worlds. But we don’t get to fly though. That
sucks big-time, let me tell you. I walked into a travel shop
the other day because the sign on the window said: ‘Fly now, pay
later’. [Laughter]
I said, ‘I’m here for the deal in the window.’ They said,
‘Great, where do you want to go?’ I said, ‘What’s it to you?’
[Laughter] They said, ‘Okay what date would you like to fly and
when would you like to return?’ I said, ‘Listen here, you don’t
seem to understand me. I want to fly wherever I want to go and
whenever I like, you got that?’ [Laughter]
They couldn’t help me, so I walked out. Saw another sign in a
shop that said: ‘£20 free airtime voucher...for all phones over
£50’. [Laughter] I thought: ‘Great, I’m done with swimtime,
gimme some of that airtime, baby.’ [Laughter] ‘Forget the
phone, just hit me with an airtime voucher and let me pay as I
go...without any contractual obligations.’ [Laughter] ‘I want
it all!’ They said, ‘Sorry, offer not valid for penguins or
ostriches.’ [Laughter]
It’s just not fair, we don’t get no airtime. Fish gotta swim
like a bird’s gotta fly, am I right? [Huge ‘yeah’ from the
birds perched on branches above him]
Oh, easy for you to chirp, isn’t it? Way up there in the
expensive seats. [Laughter]
What I’d only give for that birds-eye view. [No laughter]
Birds-eye view? Hello? You don’t like that one? Never mind,
move on...
So I’m living in the zoo now, on a tiny island in the penguin
pool called Chris Rock. You may have heard of it? [Cut to
confused reaction-shot of birds not getting the joke] Yeah, I
just waddled over here from CHRIS ROCK in the penguin pool - man
is it good to be out of that verkakte place. Look at this
place, I feel like I’ve died and gone to the Canary Islands.
[Laughter]



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[sfx of a whistle coming from the production manager, stage
right]
They’re flapping their wings here, telling me I gotta get on
with the show.
[Looks again] What’s that you say? Go to the water queue? Why
would I do that? I’m not thirsty. What? Oh, you want me to go
the autocue? Gotcha. [Mumbling under his breath] African
Jackass. [Straining his eyes to read] Welcome to the very
first episode of Flock Idols, the search for the nest big thing.
Oh please, who writes this stuff? NEST BIG THING? [Massive
scream from production backstage: JUST READ THE AUTOCUE!]
Okay, okay! Jeeze, keep your feathers on. [Goes back to
autocue]
Please welcome our first celebrity guest: Beep Beep the
Roadrunner –

[Beep runs on, faces the audience, gives a ‘beep beep’ then runs
off]

Afrikahn: What the flock was that? That’s not an act? That’s a
one trick pigeon. [Laughter] What do you say we bring her back
for a proper song? [Big YEAH from audience]

Flamingo Girls:

Beep beep'm beep beep yeah, bring her back
Beep beep'm beep beep yeah, bring her back

Roadrunner enters with microphone, joining up with the Flamingo
girls:

Baby, you can fly me far
Yes I'm gonna be a star
Baby, you can fly me far
And maybe I'll love you

All together:

Beep beep'm beep beep yeah
Beep beep'm beep beep YEAH

Afrikahn: Well what do you know? The beep can sing after all.
Still freaks me out though – that some very ordinary looking
bird can be famous for a two-word catchphrase, and you know they
have to be fowl words, right? Or why else would they keep
beeping them out? [Laughter]
You wanna know what they are? [Looks around like he’s going for
a big reveal] I’ll tell you, because she told me backstage.
[He mouths two words which are censored by regular beeps]
[Laughter]
How’s that, huh? Famous for saying [beep sfx] and [beep sfx].
[Laughter] That’s what I call a one trick pigeon.



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[Reading from autocue] And now...won’t you please give it up
for your favourite celebrity ducks, who just recently came out
the oak tree. [Looks at audience] As if we didn’t
know...Donald & Daffy.

Donald & Daffy sing:

Start spreading your wings, we’re leaving today
We want to be a part of it – New York, New York
These vagabond wings are longing to stray
Downtown to the village, where everyone’s happy and gay

Afrikahn: We’re gonna take a short break, but don’t fly
anywhere.

Commercial break - campaign designed to curb bird deaths on
roads:
Pigeon 1: ‘Hit me at 80 and I’ll look like this.’
[Cut to squashed bird in road]
Pigeon 2: ‘Hit me at 50 and I’ll look like this.’
[Cut to another squashed bird]
Pigeon 3: ‘Hit me at 10 and I’ll look like this.’
[Cut to another nasty squashed bird pic]
Bird to cam: My fellow flock - roads are for cars; we have wings
– use them for flying!

Afrikahn: Later on we have my brothers flying in from Warner:
Tweety and Sylvester. I know what you’re thinking, and we got
it covered. Sylvester will be surrounded by heavily armed Eagle
security guards at all times. But before we start swinging any
cats around, let’s bring on the contestants.

[Contestant section goes here]

The show closes with all the birds doing a funked up medley /
superimposed mix of ‘Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep’, ‘We believed we
could fly’ and ‘We’re Flying The Flag for The Birds’ (Britain’s
Eurovision 2007 Song Contest entry).




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ROFR FOR FLOCK IDOLS

ROFR (Right of First Refusal) goes to The Bird Park – i.e. Brad Bird of Pixar and Nick
Park of Aardman.

Next in the pecking order would be Dreamworks in association with Nando’s Chicken.

And then comes you lot.
If the above lot don’t get back to me within [a time to be specified], then it’s open to
all budding digital animators, wherever you are, by way of Internet collaboration. This
is your chance to show what you can do.
I’m hoping for the style of Pixar’s most hilarious ‘For the Birds’, a snippet of which can
be viewed at www.pixar.com/shorts/

Sponsorship opportunity for Pixar, Aardman or Dreamworks, or if they’re not up for it,
then we’re doing it anyway. So who’s in? Calling all animation artists and investors
who’d be interested in funding this. To discuss Flock Idols into existence go to
www.logicalstupidity.com.

FLOCK IDOLS – The search for the nest big thing.

Spin-off idea triggered by Turkey Masala:



mMmovies viz wMoviePitch: LIVESTOCK

– the rock n roll Wildlife

A Spinal Tap style rockumentary with live footage from the
original LIVESTOCK of March 2003.

Organised entirely by animals, the concert was arranged to raise
awareness about endangered animals, and to campaign against
animal cruelty and being eaten by humans.

Contains backstage footage never released before and includes
interviews with all performers.

Other possible taglines:
The wildlife are running the show
Welcome to the wildlife
Don’t let the wild life become extinct – support LIVESTOCK
Cook with love, not animals
The animals are revolting



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THE GAPCIDENT: THE HAPPY ACCIDENT WHERE LOGIC COLLIDES
WITH STUPIDITY

O SPARX 147: FIB to FINISH: Fill in blanks to finish it off

i.e. convert the accident into a gapcident by getting yourself in the mix
(also see ‘Crisotunity’ – converting global problems into opportunity)

‘Zurich – because change happenz’ [Sponsorship opportunity for Zurich]
There’s a very good reason why change happenz – to show you the link between crisis
and opportunity – you have to find the connection and fill in the gaps yourself.
We can’t just react to the changes that life brings; we have to come up with innovative
ways to make change happen.
Accidents are nature’s way of reminding us to keep changing our minds.

Gapcidents are caused by Thought Bombs
FLOCK IDOLS is an example of a gapcident – a freak accident triggered by nature, that
I just followed as far as I could go. How did the accident happen? A hopelessly out of
synch dawn chorus collided with my knowledge about X-factor & Pop Idols, resulting in
a massive thought bomb – shrapnel of tiny thoughts from unrelated fields colliding and
flying off in multiple directions. I just happened to be in the right place and time to
act as a catalyst that detonated the bomb in the meshugganah middle. Once you
have the framework for your collision, the material writes itself. Let’s have a look at
how this works:

The mechanics of the gapcident
An accident in the physical world is a completely planned for gapcident in the
thoughtmosphere, since it triggers OSKNOWSIS: You have an instant low pressure
zone of information, or a knowledge vacuum, which results in a massive and sudden
flow of information from multiple sources rushing in to fill the empty space. The result
is a Little Bang causing laughter or a reaction of surprise such as WHAT?!?! or WHAT
THE??!!
If it’s massive enough, it can cause a Big Bang similar to the one that started this
universe, but if not it’s just a thought bomb that causes press conferences or ideas like
FLOCK IDOLS.

Once I’d set up the collision between X-factor & Flock Idols, everything I know about
X-factor, Pop Idols, pop stars and pop music instantly starts pairing off with everything
I know about birds, and the knowledge vacuum begins to fill with hybrid molecules of
information (i.e. comedy material) that are no longer equal to the some of its parts. In
the physical world this can be likened to the way that two atoms of hydrogen combine
with one atom of oxygen to form a new material called water.

While comedy ‘material’ itself cannot be seen or heard, just like wind, its effects can –
e.g. the sights and sounds of laughter can be measured and felt.


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GAPCIDENTS: Accidents that make you FIB - Fill In Blanks

Gapcidents happen for a number of reasons:

1) A number of random, dysfunctional or accidental events that line up in such a way
that you see the connection between all of them.
2) A single event leading to an EOX! (Eureka moment) which is an illuminated
connection that tells you exactly how to fill in the gaps.
3) A trigger from one of your 5 senses that reminds you of something else.
4) An out of context event that acts as a RIG: Random Idea Generator, which is
nothing more than a message from your parallel world reminding you to describe to
your fellow aliens in this common luniverse what life is like on the ‘planet’ you come
from.
5) An accidental discovery, way more interesting than whatever you were looking for
– like what happens just about every time you Google something.

Gapcidents are the after effects of accidents, and lead to discovery, invention, answers
and solutions. We’re not just talking about the accidental discovery of penicillin here;
we’re talking about the creation of everything. The cycle of innovation involves a
6-step process: >PiX/grafix showing this.

Cycle of Innovation: We didn’t start the fire; it was always burning since the
world was turning. Here’s how we keep stoking the fire:

+ @ ?O? @ C@ @ ×M!!! @ ( @ +
1 2 3 4 5 6
accident ¬ thought bomb ¬ conference ¬ solutions/new laws/ ¬ gapcident ¬ new accident
products
>PiX/grafix: ‘accidents to gapcidents’
[See other references to ‘cycle of innovation’ & ‘solutions can be found in unlikely
places’]

Press Conferences:
Accidents of any sort, natural or man-made always lead to Q&A Thought Bombs,
designed to split thoughts multiple ways for the purposes of growth – e.g. Virginia
Tech campus shooting results in a thought bomb press conference: How could this
happen? How could we let it happen? How can we make sure that this never
happens again? How safe are schools? Who was Cho? What series of events led to
this mental state? Who were the parents? How do students deal with this?

The investigation will reveal all kinds of information that will provide numerous
answers, speculations and debate that will lead to both product and legal innovation.
And therein lies the paradox of thought bombs caused by any kind of drama or
tragedy:
* The paradox of thought bombs
Tragic accidents that cause grief, sympathy, shock, outrage and anger also unite
people for the purpose of progress and innovation – i.e. things are going to be made
better to ensure ‘that accidents like this will never happen again’. And they never will,
because accidents are different each time, but we will find temporary solutions though.


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19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness
& Understanding



A quick seminar in effective leadership – i.e. PR & Spin.


In order to turn global problems into political and marketing opportunities, you need
the right attitude.
Ignorance is not acceptable, apathy is expected, but acting as if you care is essential,
which is why you need to learn the art of CAREOGRAPHY – choreographed caring,
where you’ll learn to:


Act AS IF the customer is king.
Act AS IF nothing is a problem and you’re having a nice day.
Act AS IF your boss is not a complete asshole.
Act AS IF your staff /students /citizens are all special.
Act AS IF you know what you’re doing.


The seminar includes The 10 strategies of highly effective PR & Spin:

1. SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY (SONG 27)
2. GET COVERAGE OF YOU CARING – THE MORE YOU GET, THE MORE YOU CARE
3. DON’T GET NASTY ON EVILDOERS – SHOW NASTY
4. LEARN YOUR ESP’S: EMOTICON STOCK PHRASES
5. USE FABOLS: FASHIONABLE ADJECTIVES BASED ON LIFESTYLE
6. BE SEEN THROWING MONEY AT THE PROBLEM
7. PROMOTE AN IMAGE OF HEALTH AND FITNESS
8. RAISE AWARENESS WITH A ROCK CONCERT
9. SPONSOR WORLD PEACE EVENTS
10. USE ‘IMPROPER USE’ WARNING LABELS



Let’s have a look at the 1
st
and last strategies:


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1) O SPARX 158: SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY
Whether you’re the boss who needs to show dominance and influence, or whether
you’re part of the staff and need to act as if you care, the ultimate all-in-one package
comes from humouring the system – i.e. Smile For Your Salary.
SONG 27 SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY . [LYRIX]
I DRAG MY BODY OUT OF BED
TAKE MY COFFEE IN THE CAR
SPEND AN HOUR IN THE TRAFFIC
AND WHEN I WALK THROUGH THE DOOR
THAT’S YOUR MARKET
THAT’S YOUR TARGET
IT’S WHATEVER THEY THROW MY WAY
I’M GOING NOWHERE
I’M STUCK ON GROUNDHOG DAY

BUT YOU SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY
YOU FOLLOW THE MAN AT THE TOP
YOU’RE FREE TO DO EXACTLY AS THEY TELL YOU

YOU HAVE NO REASON TO COMPLAIN
NOT WITH YOUR UNDERCOVER PARKING
AN OFFICE OF YOUR OWN WITH YOUR NAME ON THE DOOR:
SUPER HERO WHOOP DEE DEE
SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY…

OH I COULD MAKE LIFE EASY YEAH
BUT THEY DON’T PAY ME ENOUGH TO CARE
I ONLY KNOW WHAT THEY TELL ME
AND THAT CHANGES DAILY
AND THOUGH I DON’T THINK THAT IT’S FAIR
WHEN YOU NEED TO AVOID
BEING UNEMPLOYED
YOU PUT UP WITH THE CRAP THAT THEY GIVE YA
AND YOU SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY…

[Extra bridge for the extended remix version]
SO YOU HAVE A SUGGESTION
WON’T YOU PLEASE WRITE IT DOWN
WE REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS PLACE BETTER FOR ALL OF US
OR YOU CAN JUST SHUT UP AND DO WHAT YOU’RE PAID TO DO
DON’T INTERFERE WITH ANYONE
DO YOUR JOB JOIN THE TEAM
NEVER SUGGEST ANYTHING, JUST
SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY…


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 152 www.logicalstupidity.com


10) USE ‘IMPROPER USE’ WARNING LABELS


Double whammies! Not only are you seen to be acting responsibly, you’re also giving
your target market ideas they might have missed had there been no warning at all.
These ideas will make up the bulk of your business – e.g.


10. This photocopy machine may not be used for body parts.
9. This Pete Doherty CD may not be used as a cocaine dispenser.
8. This Celine Dion box set may not be used for clay pigeon shooting.
7. Do not use our BB gun to shoot birds or Dick Cheney.
6. Do not use this electric toothbrush for any other purpose.
5. Do not launch fireworks from your backside - the weirdo’s of Jackass are trained
stuntmen.
4. This Superman costume does not enable you to fly.
3. Do not use P2P software to download music for free.
2. The use of Yahoo groups to trade naked pictures of yourself or your ex-girlfriend
is strictly forbidden. You may also not use a webcam to show your willy to
anyone.
1. You may eat all the fruit in the Garden of Eden except the apple.


The law of Logical Stupidity says you can bank on people doing the exact opposite of
your advice, thereby keeping you in business.


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 153 www.logicalstupidity.com
Summary of FOK–U
There is only what is. That which should be doesn’t exist, and yet trying to reach it
and showing that you're trying is the essence of both innovation and leadership: even
if there’s no heaven we still have to act as if there is one or we’re all completely
£@$%^ screwed.

So, as a leader or innovator, you have to keep finding ways of showing that you care.
Be happy that your efforts are fruitless, because achieving your end purpose would
also defeat it:

What would happen if the wishes of the UN and all beauty pageant contestants came
true at the same time and world peace broke out? GAME OVER! Or to quote Marge
Simpson when she realised she was wrong acting as a moral guardian:
I guess one person can make a difference, but most of the time they probably
shouldn’t.

Without a constant supply of problems, insanity and stupidity, there’d be no cause to
fight for:
Call off the Nobel peace prize and all charity events – there's no famine or poverty.
Now the rich and famous really would have nothing to do.
No need for partisan politics – everyone agrees.
Cancel all contracts for multibillion dollar arms deals; everyone’s getting along.
No need to invent remote controlled robots to rescue injured or abducted soldiers –
there’s no war.
Forget the entire media, from CNN all the way down to the gossip mags – there's
peace in the Middle East and Brad & Jen are still together playing happy families.
Comedians would have to get real jobs – nobody’s doing anything stupid.

The by-product of all the insanity of the world is innovation:
The world turns, not despite of all the problems, but because of them, and
this is what the Logical Stupidity formula for innovation is based on.
SONG 28 THE COLOUR OF CONFUSION . [LYRIX]
ISN’T IT LOVELY THAT NOTHING IS SIMPLE?
THAT EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON SOMETHING
SO I’M BEING VAGUE BUT I’M AWARE
WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SPLITTING HAIR
AND IF YOU FOCUS ON THE BLUR
YOU’LL FIND YOUR LIFE IS THE COLOUR OF CONFUSION
OH ISN’T IT LOVELY,
THAT IT HAPPENS TO BE OUR FAVOURITE SOURCE OF INSPIRATION
CONTROVERSY IS WHAT WE’RE LOOKING FOR
OUTRAGEOUS CONTRADICTION, LIKE [guitar solo]
CAN YOU IMAGINE NO RELIGION
AND WE WERE ALL BORN THE SAME COLOUR?
THERE WOULD BE SILENCE
BUT YOU KNOW YOU PREFER THE NOISE
CONTRADICTION, THE CHAOS, THE NOISE
WE FEED OFF SOME KIND OF CONTROVERSY
GETTING ALONG IS A FALLACY
BITCHING, COMPLAINING IS WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO AROUND


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 154 www.logicalstupidity.com
Now that you have the FOK–U attitude, let’s tackle world problems using the
meshugganah matrix:

USING FOK-U FOR INNOVATION
HOW TO CONVERT GLOBAL PROBLEMS INTO OPPORTUNITIES

CHART 3 GLOBAL STUPIDITY MESHUGGANAH MATRIX
(Products in [ ] actually exist. For more details on any of these products, do a search
on them.)
GLOBAL
STUPIDITY
MESHUGGANAH
MIDDLE
WANTASEE

WORLD CRISIS WORLD
CRISATUNITY =
SOLUTION
OPPORTUNITY
ASOWL TAX
Altruistic Sense Of
Wellbeing & Love
‘Throw some money at the
problem’

Government legislation
produx/legislation/newrule
eclimate crisis

Produce more EFE’s – ‘Eco
Friendly Everything’ labels:
Ego Friendly Vehicles™
BATTERARI™

2x2™


Sports car co.
produx/hybrid car
eclimate crisis
Same company that brought us
the 4x4
Ambuhearse™
If it doesn’t make it in time it
slows down and switches to
battery
Commercial car co.
produx/hybrid car
eclimate crisis













Global Warming:
Recycling businesses
News: Xmas cards are
getting recycled as toilet
paper:

Roller Cards™
‘Cut the crap – with roller
cards’
AdaptaCard™



pass it on
Keep a digital copy, then
change the details to suit the
new occasion




Card biz
produx/recycling card company
eclimate crisis


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 155 www.logicalstupidity.com
Global Warming
continued
[Global Warming In Action
Tours]
Warming Island, Greenland
US Tour Company
Betchart Expeditions
Food wastage The DoggieBag™
2
nd
Hand Buffet
‘all you can eat for a pound’
‘dogs welcome’
produx/recycling restaurant
eclimate crisis
Aids The Pink Rotamola Phone
designed to eliminate AIDS
in Africa
Phone company

Poverty [Fight Poverty] T-Shirt company
[Bungee jump against
racism]
Simpsons: ‘Homerpalooza’
Concession stand owner at
awareness raising rock concert
Racism
Crash the movie Paul Haggis, screenwriter


Violence / hatred
Obscene language
Feaux Rappaccino™
‘So mild you could play it in
Starbucks’
Uses swearanisms
(spoonerism swearing):
YOUR MOTHERFIRE WAS A
FUTHA MUCKA
YOUR FUSH FICKER WAS
PHEASANT PLUCKER
Songwriter
produx/music genre
Children cruelty Baby Oil Zero™
No babies used in our
products
Oil Co
produx/joke product
Animal cruelty
Foxhunting
PaintFox™
‘even the multicoloured
foxes are happy’
Paintball company
produx/sport&rec/toys/gadget
Campaign: ‘Leave the tuna
alone’
Tuna-friendly dolphin™
Fishery
produx/food/fishing/

Overfishing: breaking
news from the future:
‘Tuna are more
intelligent than
dolphin’

Sustainable Sauces™
Using sustainable sauces will
ensure that there’s plenty of
fish in the sea
produx/food
Inhumane killing
methods
Silly Cow™ meat products
‘All cows died of their own
stupidity’
(e.g. trying to jump over the
electric fence)
Cattle farming
produx/food


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 156 www.logicalstupidity.com
Exploitation of women
(feminism)
Fair trade lesbian
pornography™
‘all girls paid a minimum of
$1000 per scene’
Porn producer
produx/adult movies
Healthy Eating
[traffic light labelling system]
Red=bad, green=good,
amber=not sure
Supermarket
eclimate crisis
[Biodegradable Bags]
Carrot & Celery burger™ MacDonald’s
produx/food
eclimate crisis
PizZero – the diet pizza™

your pizza biz
produx/food
[Coke light / Zero] Coke





Obesity
Junk food
Wheatgrass health kick:
[The Lawnmower™]
Based on an idea by Homer
Simpson
Bar / drinks company
produx/beverage/alcohol
Goldilocks Porridge produx/food Disney
Mickey Mineral Water produx/food
Bugs Bunny Carrot Sticks produx/food Warner bros.
Looney Lemonade produx/beverage


News: ‘Disney bans
junk food at theme
parks’
Use that news to
create health products
under license from
Disney
TummiBugz™
effective weight loss tablets
‘With added Salmonella3’
‘Drop 4 jean sizes in 4 days’
Pharmaceutical co.
produx/health&beauty/drug/joke
Alcoholism Red Nose Beer Day
Prize for the reddest nose
Campaign by Beer co.
produx/beer commercial
Terrorism Osama Shooting Range™
‘OSAMA TIME AND THE
LIVING IS SCARY
HESBOLLA JUMPING AND
THE SECURITY ALERT IS
HIGH’
Rifle range owner
produx/sport&rec
Songwriter
(see song)


19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 157 www.logicalstupidity.com
Where is Osama? Video game programmer
¯produx/software/game=
Toura Bora Terror Tours™

Touring Company/
produx/tourism
Holiday resorts
(Seriously – it’s happening)
Osama singing ‘My Way’ comedy sketch
[Unmentionable Danish
Cartoon about prophet
Mohammed]
Political cartoonist




Terrorism
continued
Jerry Springer satire:
[My daughter is dating a
terrorist]
GWJOKES.com
Bird Flu ¯Search images ‘Bird flu
hits Disney’

Hurricane Katrina [Tour of America’s Greatest
Catastrophe]

Tour company
(Seriously- it’s happening)
Other threats to world peace:
Boredom YAWN ‘been-done-to-death’
rating system
Government legislation
produx/legislation
The RingDance™
You answer, you dance!
It’s your call
The Compulsory 8-step
dance before answering or
making calls on your phone
OPMC
Other People’s
Mobilephone
Conversations:
presenting the
icebreaker to ease
passenger tension:
The Decibel Dance™


Government legislation
produx/legislation/mobile phone

The CASH Crisis
Global Corruption,
Stupidity & Hypocrisy
Crisis
produx/legislation to stamp it
out
John Stewart, Letterman,
Conan, O’Brian, Jay Leno, etc.
Logical Stupidity
Awards™
for excellence in Time
Wasting
YOU
produx/ award ceremony




20. Measuring Your Mood Using R&D Therapy


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 158 www.logicalstupidity.com
20. Measuring Your Mood Using
R&D Therapy

R&D creative therapy is about Rehashing & Disguising your frustrations and then
selling them through different media. This can only happen by measuring your mood:

The physical world has scientific measuring devices – business climate is measured by
market indices. But how do we measure mood? That’s where art comes in – just as
we have the colour spectrum or the sound frequency spectrum, so too do we have the
human emotion spectrum, or moodometer. Zoomed all the way out, it’s just as vague
as hot, mild and cold – i.e. Woohoo!! ☺ Whatever © & FU!! ®.

But by getting inside the meshugganah middle and measuring the spaces between
your thoughts, you create more detailed awareness pixels, and the more you have, the
better the quality of your life. How so? Each pixel of emotion you identify translates
into a line of conversation, a line for a song or a script, a business plan, a joke, a
comedy sketch, a brush stroke on a painting, or a feature on a piece of software or a
sports car.

This is why R&D therapy doesn’t try to fix your dysfunctions, because they’re not
supposed to be fixed. This is nature’s way of creating the luniverse. How do we know
this? Well who do you know that isn’t just a little bit whacked out in some way?

We’re all fluffed in the head but not in the same way: the slight difference is known as
your STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise.
The objective of R&D therapy is to find your STUBID and make it work for you.

The method: CRITICISE, ANALYSE & CAPITALISE
How do you capitalise? By recycling all your emotional sewage as commerce in a
process called:
SONG 29 FRUSTRATION FOR SALE . [LYRIX]

LET ME SELL YOUR SONG OF REVOLUTION
IT DON’T MEAN A THING IF ALL YOU CAN DO IS SING
SO IT’S UP TO ME AND THE MARKETING
TO LET THE PEOPLE KNOW SO THEY DO THE RIGHT THING
IMAGE IS EVERYTHING ALL IN THE PACKAGING
NEW BIG THING NEW
SYNERGY MARKETING
ALL IN THE PACKAGING
NEW BIG THING YOU
START A CONTROVERSY ANY PUBLICITY
THROW IT UP
MAKE A SHOW OF IT
WITH A MEGALOMANIA FEVER HYSTERIA
WRAP IT UP
PUT A BOW ON IT
LET ME SELL YOUR SONG OF REVOLUTION


20. Measuring Your Mood Using R&D Therapy


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 159 www.logicalstupidity.com


O SPARX 170: BLAME SOMEONE OR SOMETHING


IS IT GETTING BETTER OR DO YOU FEEL THE SAME?
WILL IT MAKE IT EASIER ON YOU NOW YOU GOT SOMEONE TO BLAME?
U2 – One


Well actually, yes – blaming not only makes things easier, it’s an essential inspiration
device. For example:


LIKE A SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND YOU’RE TO BLAME
YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME Bon Jovi


So who or what are you going to blame?


SONG 30 MOANING OUT OF TUNE . [LYRIX]

Blame your girlfriend:

I WAS DONE WRONG I WAS CHEATED ON
COS YOU SPUN A WEB SO STRONG
SO I BLAME YOU FOR EVERYTHING

Now blame your massive ego:

I LOVE THE SOUND OF MY OWN VOICE
I COULD LISTEN TO ME EVERY DAY
IT’S JUST AS WELL I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SINGING ABOUT
COS I GOT NOTHING TO SAY

I’M JUST MOANING OUT OF TUNE YEAH


21. Thought Accountancy - Detect, Collect, Connect


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 160 www.logicalstupidity.com
21. Thought Accountancy –
Detect, Collect, Connect

And then report on PNN – your Personal News Network.


Did you ever wonder why exactly the same amount of news happens every day
regardless of what happens in the world?
That’s because the news is a business, where reporters have to be fed, and where
column space and program slots have to be filled. This is why you’ll never see a news
headline of NOTHING MUCH HAPPENED TODAY, because if nothing serious happens
there are always backup headlines to run – like ‘Gordon Brown & Tony Blair to remain
friends’ or ‘Posh goes shopping with Katie’.

Newsflash: you’re also in the news business. What’s going on with you is just as
important or as trivial as world headlines. To practise thought accountancy, you need
to become the editor for ‘My Life’ – a news program broadcast on PNN, your Personal
News Network. At the end of every day you need to present a 10-minute highlights
presentation of your news. What’s in it?


O SPARX 179: WHAT ARE YOUR TOP STORIES ON PNN?


SONG 31 WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY? . [LYRIX]

LOVING YOUR LIFE
IS ALL YOU NEED FOR SURVIVING
BUT YOU NEVER DO
THAT’S WHY GETTING THERE
IS ALWAYS MORE FUN THAN ARRIVING
COS YOU NEVER DO
SO YOU’RE GONNA MEASURE YOUR LIFE
YOU’LL KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU’RE DOING
WHEN YOU TAKE MY ADVICE
AND ASK YOURSELF EVERY DAY:

DID YOU LEARN? DID YOU LAUGH? DID YOU LISTEN? DID YOU HAVE ANY
FUN?
WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY?
WHY SHOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU’RE GETTING ANYWHERE?
WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY?


21. Thought Accountancy - Detect, Collect, Connect


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 161 www.logicalstupidity.com

O SPARX 180: DETECT COLLECT CONNECT

THINK OF YOUR LIFE AS A GAME OF TETRIS Sponsorship opportunity for Tetris

Think of your life as a game of Tetris where all problems thrown at you – e.g. the
contents of your inbox – are the shapes flying at you. You need to find a way to twist
all these problems in such a way that they line up to form neat rows, leaving no
mysterious spaces. You score points for using problems as part of the solution, and
extra bonus points for lining up four rows of problems in such a way that they all
disappear instantly.

Exactly how you twist the facts that you’re presented with, depends on your STUBID:
Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise. My STUBID is that I’m wired for
rhythm, so I process everything musically. This means that if I’m sent on a mission to
Starbucks with a specific order, like ‘a grande semi skim cappuccino with an extra
shot’, I’ll have to turn it into a song so I don’t forget it. Any other incoming
information will be lined up according to some kind of rhythm:

SONG 32 GRANDE SEMI SKIM CAPPACINO . [LYRIX]
WITH AN EXTRA SHOT…DON'T FORGET THE SHOT

O SPARX 183: COLLECT Awareness Pixels
Just as accountancy involves the collection of receipts that record who paid what and
how much, thought accountancy involves the collection of thoughts with opinions
about them. The two together make up your awareness pixels on your PNN: Personal
News Network.
Let’s take a look at how awareness pixels form the basis of songs:

SONG 33 CK519J . [LYRIX]

I WAS TAPPING ON THE DASH - fact
LOST IN THE GROOVE - fantasy
I SAW THE CUTIE IN THE CAR NEXT TO ME - fact
OH WOW (she’s gorgeous!) - fantasy
AND SHE WAS BOPPING ALONG TO THE SAME SONG - fact
I THOUGHT, HMM COME A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO ME - fantasy
LET ME TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT YOU - fantasy
BUT THEN THE LIGHTS TURNED GREEN AS I GOT HER REGISTRATION - fact

CK519J IS ALL I KNOW ABOUT THE GIRL WHO GOT AWAY - fact & fantasy =
factasy


22. Misinterpreation - Creativity by Denial & Error


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 162 www.logicalstupidity.com
22. Misinterpreation –
Creativity by Denial & Error


By missing the point entirely, you often end up discovering way more interesting
places than the intended message – i.e. a new message is found in translation.

REVEALED: The creative & destructive effects of misinterpreation and the 12 factors
causing it.

The thoughtmosphere works just like the virtual world of hyperlinks – you’re always
only one letter or sound away from a foreign destination that could be way more
exciting than the intended one. By allowing yourself to roll with the accident, you’re
likely to discover gapcidents like factasy, spontenudity, hysterical accuracy and various
other comical reactions.

This is the upside of being a little bit stupid and a bad listener – you never have to try
to screw things up – it happens automatically. Especially if you, like me, have punlexia
– an auditory processing disorder, where your brain searches for every possible
alternative meaning to the intended one.

So how do you cure it? You don’t. Just like many other anxieties, neuroses, phobias,
dysfunctions and disorders, there are no cures, and even if there were, you wouldn’t
want them, because this is what makes you uniquely creative and fascinating.

When it comes to playing with words, you’re a phonetic, so follow the songs and
sounds wherever they take you. When your punlexia impairs your ability to focus,
then follow the spontenudity. By discovering new words, you’re also discovering new
destinations in our thoughtmosphere, which can then be turned into:

Songs: ‘I got soul but I’m not a soldier’ – The Killers
Taglines: ‘Girls just want to have funds’ – Jupiter Asset Management
Books: The same title is also a book by Susanna Blake Goodman
Products: ‘The Posh Up Bra’ – coined by the Sun Newspaper [produx]
Newspapers: ‘Vujade News – news ahead of its time’ [produx]
Products: ‘Jillette – because you like it shaved and wet’ (What? It’s a new waterproof
razor – produx)
Pop Bands: ‘The Showeroke Girls’ – now auditioning at www.logicalstupidity.com
[produx]


This is a permanent fatal error. May the grim rapper take you on a wild inventure to
find your ERRORGENIUS ZONE.


23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 163 www.logicalstupidity.com
23. Revealed: The 3 Types of
DISILLUSION
1) Type 1: Hopelessly deluded D 'n' A (Dreams 'n' Aspirations).
2) Type 2: D 'n' A crushed by reality or put on hold because of job perks you can’t
ignore.
3) Type 3: D 'n' A achieved, but it’s a big anticlimax – so now what?

You need R&D therapy to UNLEASH YOUR POW: The Power Of Whatever
Lets have a look at Type 1:

O SPARX 186: JUST HOW DELUDED ARE YOU?

You want to win the lottery, but you’re not even buying tickets.
You want to be a supermodel, but you look like this: [pix]
You want to be a singer, but you can’t sing.

So what happens? You now have FOBAN: Fear Of Being A Nobody.
Now use it! What’s going on with you?
SONG 34 DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR . [LYRIX]
I AM DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR
IF IT’S OBVIOUS I’M SORRY
BUT I REALLY HAVE TO HURRY
TO THE POP TOP 40 GO ROUND
I GOTTA BE ON THE TOP POP 40 GO ROUND

DON’T YOU THINK WE LOOK RIDICULOUS DOING WHAT WE DO?
OH BUT WE’RE SERIOUS ABOUT REVENUE, REVENUE
WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE
WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY

Type 2: D 'n' A crushed by reality or put on hold because of job perks you
can’t ignore

This is where I take a few pages to talk about my job as a sound and light technician
working for Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines:

You’re getting paid to do a job you love doing, you’ve got your own cabin serviced
daily, you’re cruising the Caribbean, you’re mixing with showbiz people, lunches at
Carlos ‘n’ Charlies, free shooters from the tequila girls, bike riding, catamaran
snorkelling, BBQ’s on private islands, tennis with a different pro on each island every
day and topping it all off with the midnight buffet on the pool deck followed by
dancing to the Caribbean band. This had to be the life!

Or was it? Why did I have this permanent feeling that I should be doing something
else with my life? Why did the fun have to end?

This is type 2 disillusion: you’ve got higher aspirations than your current job, but
you’re trapped by the reality of bills to pay or incredible job perks or both, and it all
means that your big dreams get put on hold. Two ways to deal with it:


23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 164 www.logicalstupidity.com

1) GET OUT! Break out of your comfort zone and follow the bigger dream. Done
that.
2) Turn the situation into a movie by describing events and your feelings at the time.
Would like to do that:


Dilog wMoviePitch ‘The Head Set – the show behind the show’

It’s called ‘The Head Set’ because that’s what we were – the
sound, light and video techs running the shows by talking on
headsets.
Since the shows all ran like clockwork, mostly, we’d talk about
all kinds of other things besides sound, light, sets and video
cues, and it’s from this angle that all the backstage antics of
showbiz life at sea are revealed:

‘Comms’ would stand for running commentary and we’d comment on
everyone in the audience and on stage – cruise directors,
magicians & jugglers, comedians, diva singers throwing the
biggest tantrums backstage, dancers getting seasick, the
musical director losing it with the drummer for losing the
click track, the singers losing it with the horn section for
blowing too loudly on stage, all of us horndogs perving at the
dancers, the follow-spot guy getting pissed off because ‘hey!
that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about’ - it was all
happening on the headset techie network! And we haven’t even
started on the ‘Who’s Doing What To Who’, which is where that
song comes from.
All is about to be revealed!



O SPARX 187: WHERE DID YOUR DREAMS GO? WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?
SONG 35 DAY BY DAY . [LYRIX]
I’M AN EXTRA IN A MOST CONFUSING BORING B MOVIE
IS THERE ANOTHER PART I COULD PLAY?
HAVE A FEW MORE LINES TO SAY
COULD YOU MAYBE CHANGE THE SCENERY?
COULD YOU GIVE ME A SHOT AT THE LEAD?
I COULD PLAY THAT PART I SWEAR
IF YOU’D ONLY LET ME OUTA HERE

Perhaps you really wanted to be an architect, but you settled for interior designer, or
selling door handles in B&Q. Maybe you wanted to be a breakfast DJ, but you had to
settle for the guy who gives the traffic reports. Maybe you wanted to be a rock star,
but you had to settle for music publisher, music lawyer or sound engineer. What was
supposed to happen BUT didn’t?


23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 165 www.logicalstupidity.com




SONG 36 SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO . [LYRIX]


I'M STILL SINGING MY SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO
I'VE BEEN ON LARRY KING LIVE IN MY HOLLYWOOD MIND
I'VE BEEN INTERVIEWED BY OPRAH IN THE SHOWER
BUT HERE I AM STILL SINGING SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO
YEAH HERE I AM I’M STILL SINGING MY SONGS
THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO
THERE WAS GONNA BE THE BIG ONE
TO TAKE ME TO THE MONEY
OH BUT THIS ONE YOU HAVE TO DO FOR FREE
SO I DID
BUT IT DIDN'T
SO HERE'S TO ALL THE GIGS I DID NOT GET
HERE'S TO EVERYTHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN
AND THE FASCINATING PEOPLE I NEVER MET
HERE'S TO MISSED OPPORTUNITY
I WAS GONNA MAKE I WAS GONNA DO I WAS GONNA BE
I WAS GONNA TRY I WAS GONNA BUY I WAS GONNA SEE
THE WORLD WAS MINE
SO HERE’S TO ALL OF MY SONGS
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM
THESE ARE MY SONGS
THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO


23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 166 www.logicalstupidity.com

And while waiting for your songs to become hits, you ended up at the Holiday Inn bar.

SONG 37 (repeat of 12) HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN . [LYRIX]


Type 3: The Treadmill of D 'n' A

D 'n' A achieved, but it’s a big anti-climax – so now what?

‘BUT I STILL HAVEN’T FOUND WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR’ – U2

Why not? Are you sure the dreams you were chasing were yours?


SONG 38 HOMES DOGS BABIES . [LYRIX]

HOMES DOGS BABIES AND SECOND WIVES
HOMES DOGS BABIES AND FOUR WHEEL DRIVES

WELCOME TO THE WORLD, DO YOU LIKE THE STORY SO FAR?
DID YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOUR CALLING COULD BE? I DIDN’T THINK SO
TRY BUY SEE DO
MAYBE HAPPILY EVER AFTER TOO
BETTER GET A JOB TO GO WITH THAT DEGREE
ARE YOU STILL RUNNING ON THAT STORY?

WELL COULD THERE BE ANY WONDER THAT IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE
WHEN IT’S ALL BEEN CHOSEN FOR YOU

FUNNY HOW IT SEEMS THAT EVERYTHING YOU BELIEVED IN
ISN’T TRUE ANYMORE
NOT EVEN YOUR RESUME WILL DO ANYMORE
DOES YOUR RELIGION DO ANYMORE?

WELL COULD THERE BE ANY WONDER THAT IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE
WHEN IT’S ALL BEEN CHOSEN FOR YOU

IT’S ALL A LITTLE HAZY WHEN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DOING
HOMES DOGS BABIES AND SECOND WIVES
HOMES DOGS BABIES AND FOUR WHEEL DRIVES


23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 167 www.logicalstupidity.com


So what’s the solution?


O SPARX 191: WHAT ARE YOU CHASING AND WHY?


SONG 39 THE BUZZ OF THE BUSINESS . [LYRIX]

SOME PEOPLE NEED TO GET A CUP O' COFFEE JUST TO GET THEM GOING
NOT THIS LOONY
I NEED MY DAILY FIX OF COMEDY AND HOPEFULLY I’LL BE OKAY
I GET HIGH ON MONDAY MADNESS
I GET OFF ON THE FRIDAY FREAK OUT
THE MONEY THE YACHT THE JET THE CAR
IT ALL MEANS NOTHING
THE BUZZ OF THE BUSINESS IS WHAT GETS ME GOING
SO JOIN ME ON THE TREADMILL
IT’S FUN TO BE A RAT
IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT THE MONEY
BUT THAT’S WHERE THE PARTY’S AT

WHEN YOUR LIFE BECOMES A COMEDY
MY OWN SITUATION COMEDY
AND I AM THE STAR OF THE SHOW

TIME TICKING AWAY PUTTING A DEADLINE ON ME EVERYDAY
BUT I DON’T GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN IT ALL
I’M ALWAYS TAKING THE PISS SERIOUSLY WEIRD
I’M A FREAKSHOW
IT’S ALWAYS THE FUNNY SIDE I SEE WHEN THEN THERE ARE
TOO MANY CONTRADICTIONS, AMBIGUITIES
I’M NOT ALL THERE BEYOND REPAIR BUT I DON’T CARE
MY FRUSTRATIONS HAVE GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE
SO IT HAS TO BE FUNNY
WHAT ELSE CAN IT BE?
MY QUICK FIX THERAPY



24. How To Get Your Whacky Back


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 168 www.logicalstupidity.com
24. How To Get Your Whacky Back

Or how to find your STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise


STUBIDs are evident at an early age, but usually get diagnosed as ‘antisocial
behaviour’ and snuffed out by Ritalin before they’ve had a chance to be discovered
and unleashed. This is a great pity because all kinds of lucrative careers are being
snuffed out before they’ve had a chance to get going – e.g. a pathological liar, with a
little nurturing, could make a brilliant lawyer. Kids who play with guns and fail their
music exams could be rappers. Destructive kids who break other kids' toys and then
give out advice on how to fix them, could be management consultants. Those who
love the sound of their own voice but don’t have much to say, could be radio DJ’s.
Hopelessly deluded kids could have been speech writers for Blair, or if the delusion
was more serious, for Bush.

So where did your nutcase go, and how can we get it back? This is what R&D therapy
is concerned with: what’s your basic malfunction, and how can you use it? How is that
only kids and old people can say whatever they like? Well now you can too!
We’re going to examine 5 methods to get your whacky back:

1) Sing a whacky song.

SONG 40 SANITY SUCKS . [LYRIX]

SANITY SUCKS, BELIEVE ME
I’D RATHER BE CRAZY
SANITY SUCKS
I’D RATHER BE
CUCKOO POTTY BATTY DOTTY
BARMY LOOPY GUGGA FLIPPY
DILLY MOGGY WHACKY BAZARO

2) Regression.
3) Trial & Error.
4) Soul Searching.

SONG 41 SEARCH YOUR SOUL . [LYRIX]
WHAT WILL YOU FIND?
YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL
BEYOND YOUR MIND
GO AHEAD LOOT BACK TO FIND THE PATTERN
BUT YOU’RE MOVING
IN UNPREDICTABLE R汆NDOM FASHION


24. How To Get Your Whacky Back


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 169 www.logicalstupidity.com


5) Meditation.


SONG 42 TRUST ME . [LYRIX]

FORGET ABOUT MEDITATION
THAT SELF-EXAMINATION IS A LIE
WHAT IS TRUE? THERE IS NO YOU
YOU’RE NO CLOSER TO SOLUTION
JUST THAT FINAL DESTINATION WHEN YOU DIE

IT’S NOT MY PLACE TO GIVE ADVICE BUT IT’S THERE IF YOU LIKE IT
FEED OFF THE CHAOS, EMBRACE IT DON’T FIGHT IT
THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE LIVING INSIDE YOU
AND ALL OF THEM ARE TO BLAME
IT’S PATHOLOGICAL, THE REASON FOR THE WAY THAT YOU ARE

SOMEWHAT CONTRADICTORY
BUT LEAVE ME AS A MYSTERY
OR THE MAGIC DISAPPEARS AS YOU BREAK ME DOWN
SO DON’T DO IT
TRUST ME
AND WHAT I’M WEARING ON THE DAY
YOU CAN TRUST ME
FOR YOU CAN SEE WHAT I BELIEVE
TRANSPARENCY
LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE INSIDE OF ME
TRUST ME FOR ALL OF WHO WE ARE


25. Creative Anxieties & Disorders


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 170 www.logicalstupidity.com
25. Creative Anxieties & Disorders


O SPARX 193: USE YOUR PHOBIAS – THRIVE ON THE FEARFACTOR

You do not need any kind of therapy to cure you of phobias. Phobias are designed to
keep you alive.

There’s a reason you’re scared of snakes, spiders and stingrays – it’s related to your
fear of dying. This is why fear exists – to keep you alive and sane. This explains why
I have Theraphobia – fear of therapy of any sort – whether that comes in the form of
private sessions or self-help seminars. I’m terrified of spending £1856 on anything
that promises to cure my fears. And this is not a fear I wish to confront, because that
fear will keep me happily cynical and £1856 richer, just by doing nothing. Without a
fear factor of some sort you would have nothing to thrive on.

Fears tell you everything you need to know, like what job you should be doing – which
you can figure out by process of elimination: if you’re scared of flying, you probably
shouldn’t be a pilot. If you’re afraid of water, life saving is out. You wouldn’t choose
to go into motivational speaking if you were scared of public speaking or falling in love
with yourself. And you’d probably want to stay out of politics if you were scared of
coming across as delusional.

This is how your phobias send you clear messages as to what you should be doing.

My fascination with fear comes from the creative perspective: all fears, anxieties and
phobias can and should be used to work for you, not against. How do you use them?
Describe your symptoms and how you wish things could be better. You don’t even
have to go as far as the part where you overcame. Yes, it’s embarrassing to reveal all
your deepest darkest fears, but this is what audiences relate to the most. If you don’t
believe me, then study the lyrics of hit songs, or Oprah’s Book Club reading material.
So, with this in mind – here are a few of my anxieties set to music:



1) Critophobia How do you use it? Describe the symptoms:

SONG 43 . [LYRIX]

THIS IS ALL CRAP, THIS IS ALL CRAP
I CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT
IF I WASN’T SO EASILY DISTRACTED
IF I WASN’T SO LAZILY PROCRASTINATED



25. Creative Anxieties & Disorders


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 171 www.logicalstupidity.com


2) PCO: Previous Culture Overdose

Extreme sensitivity to any type of old culture that’s been blatantly regurgitated as new
culture. Just the thought of being dragged along to see any revival or back catalogue
musical drives you



3) MADD: Musical Attention Deficit Disorder

How to use it: become the enemy, then kill it off.

SONG 44 LET THEM DIE . [LYRIX]



4) Belief Intolerance

You accept nothing that anyone tells you.

It starts off not believing completely unbiased news reports, self-help guru’s and
politicians, and can eventually end up with not believing scientifically proven things –
like those washing powder commercials with microscopic diagrams showing you
exactly how the dirt is removed. If not treated it can develop into:

Acute Belief Intolerance: You don’t allow any media into your life at all, believing
that everything is a massive globalisation conspiracy for large corporations to
manipulate your mind and take over the world.

How to use it: become the enemy.
Imagine you’ve just been made CEO of Fizer Macdonald’s & Turner and you’re facing
the press. What do you have to say?


SONG 45 ONE BIG RADIO STATION . [LYRIX]

YOU DON’T OWN YOUR OPINION
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK
WE’VE TAKEN CONTROL OF YOUR MIND
ALL YOUR SENSES ARE OURS NOW…


25. Creative Anxieties & Disorders


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 172 www.logicalstupidity.com

5) Blockphobia Fear of writer’s block

O SPARX 3: ‘DESCRIBE THE SYMPTOMS OF THE PROBLEM THEN WISH
IT AWAY’

SONG 4 WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE
. [LYRIX]

6) Overactive Imagination


7) LOITGAN: Lots Of Ideas That Go Absolutely Nowhere


8) MUSAFID: Making Up Stupid Acronyms For Invented Disorder
can lead to you getting


9) ANOID: Absolutely Nowhere from Overactive Imagination Disorder


10) FOBAN: Fear Of Being A Nobody (new disorder)

Describe the symptoms:

Repeat SONG 34 . [LYRIX]

I AM DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR
IF IT’S OBVIOUS I’M SORRY
BUT I REALLY HAVE TO HURRY
TO THE POP TOP 40 GO ROUND
I GOTTA BE ON THE TOP POP 40 GO ROUND…

Repeat SONG 13 TWO SONGS . [LYRIX]



And let's not forget FFAF Disorder: Famous For Absolutely Flufall.
The opposite of FOBAN, FFAF Disorder is experienced by those who’ve become famous
for reasons unrelated to inherent talent. Since the fame is based entirely on external
approval, sufferers constantly seek attention, usually making complete twats of
themselves in public for our entertainment pleasure.


26. Critics - How To Use Them Constructively


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 173 www.logicalstupidity.com
26. Critics – How To Use Them
Constructively


The creative power of negative inspiration from rejection


For every criticism there’s an equal and opposite reaction…
Tracy Emin often has rocks thrown through the window of her art studio. What does
she do about it? She uses them to build more artworks, which is the objective of this
chapter: to help you identify the signs that you suck, in order of obviousness…

1) Physical
2) Verbal
3) Rejection letters
4) Reviews

Then we’re going to use all the rocks thrown at you as inspiration for more products
and songs. Using various devices we’re going to arrive at:


SONG 46 PAID TO BE OUTRAGEOUS . [LYRIX]

YOU DON’T LIKE MY MUSIC BUT THE DRINKS ARE FREE
THAT’S THE ONLY REASON YOU’RE HERE
WITH YOUR POISON IN THE PEN
YOU’RE A DICTAPHONE RAT
YOU DON’T LIKE MY MUSIC BUT I’M OKAY WITH THAT
BECAUSE YOU GET PAID TO BE OUTRAGEOUS
SO THAT’S WHAT YOU’VE GOT TO TRY TO BE
AND I GET LAID BECAUSE I’M FAMOUS
SO THAT’S WHAT I’VE GOT TO TRY TO BE
SO GO AHEAD TAKE ME IN CHEW ME UP SPIT ME OUT
IT’S SO MUCH FUN TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY


SONG 47 FLUFF YOU ALL . [LYRIX]


SONG 48 JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME . [LYRIX]



26. Critics - How To Use Them Constructively


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 174 www.logicalstupidity.com

SONG 49 WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE . [LYRIX]

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SONG?
WHY THE WHOLE PRODUCTION?
IT SOUNDED SO MUCH BETTER IN MY BEDROOM

MY SOUL IS NOT FOR SALE
AND THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW THAT I’M REAL
YOU CAN TELL BY THE FACT THAT I’LL NEVER SELL OUT

HE PUT THE ENVELOPE IN MY HAND
HE SAID THAT’S FOR YOU AND THE BAND
IT WAS GREEN IT WAS MINE
I SAID WHERE DO I SIGN
TO JOIN YOU ON THE TOP 40

I REALLY LOVE WHAT YOU DID TO MY SONG
WHAT AN AMAZING PRODUCTION
IT WAS GREEN IT WAS MINE
I SAID WHERE DO I SIGN
TO JOIN YOU ON THE TOP 40 MONEY-GO-ROUND

YOU KNOW IT’S A RUSE, SO MANY LIES
AND THEN YOU BECOME THE VERY THING THAT YOU DESPISE

WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE
WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY



Big-time sucking is an honour awarded to you by others. It’s not something you can
decide on your own, mostly because you’re always too far up your own ass to be able
to tell. The digital revolution is partly responsible for this:

Affordable technology – made you think you’re a musician, moviemaker or graphic
artist.

Working in isolation – you may feel like you’re connecting to people but ultimately
you’re an isolated screen starer – your only form of human contact coming from virtual
hugs and pokes.


26. Critics - How To Use Them Constructively


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 175 www.logicalstupidity.com

The preoccupation with your own thoughts, combined with a certain frequency of your
computer fan, made you start hallucinating that you’re better than the combined
creative output of U2, Steven Spielberg, Shakespeare and Michelangelo, and that, just
because it took you a year to get your masterpiece on myspace, the whole world
would be interested in whatever you had to say.
Not necessarily:


®PiX/photo: ‘Innovation101 has 0 friends’
(This is a pic taken of my myspace friends section)


You soon found out that you’re very much alone and you suck.
And in case you still haven’t found this out, this chapter goes through all the signs that
you suck and how to use them as inspiration.
It also goes through:

7 important reasons for sucking:

1. Retaliation energy for building more artworks.
2. You’re part of the wheel of progress – you’re the one pushing the envelope.
3. Comparative function – how would anyone know what was good if you didn’t
suck?
4. At least people know about you! That means they’re aware of your existence –
way better than nobody knowing about you at all!
5. First draft is out the way.
6. Total creative freedom.
7. The challenge – anyone can make it with natural talent, but can you make it
without?
This requires a skill set that no university or music school can offer:

• Producers have to be slept with or framed.
• ‘Wardrobe malfunctions’ have to be choreographed.
• Marriages, tans and intelligence all have to be faked.
• Offspring or adopted babies have to be given twatish names.
• Rumours and porn videos have to fabricated and spread on the Internet.
• Pictures of you getting your toes licked on private yachts need to be
published.
• Ego’s have to be stroked, sometimes licked.
• Journalists have to be lunched.
• Audiences need to be told what to think.
• Visits to rehab have to be co-ordinated around gig schedules.
• Top ten lists have to be created and sent to the press. Tyres need to be
slashed if not printed. Seriously. I’ve spoken.




27. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 176 www.logicalstupidity.com
27. Using Relationships as a Source
of Inspiration

How to think inside the paradox of love in order to use your partner as a
catalyst for songs, movies, articles & products

Step 1: Ask questions that result in ‘nothing’ answers:

‘What’s up?’
‘What’s going on?’
‘What’s wrong, honey?’
‘What’s the matter?’
‘What can I say to make it better?’
‘What do you mean by that?’

Step 2: Ask questions that have ‘everything’ answers:

‘What’s it going to take to make you happy?’

Step 3: Insist on specific examples and actually listen this time. Don’t try to think of
anything to say; you need to focus all your attention on just listening, which will take
every bit of concentration you have. If you have trouble listening, or remembering the
exact lines she uses, then use a Dictaphone, but don’t get caught.

Step 4: At another time and place (so that you’re calmer and can think rationally)
examine all requests and complaints, taking particular note of the knowledge vacuum
between both extremes. You will now find yourself in the interpreation zone, the
Centre Of Confusion inside a Unique Problem (the COC-UP), deep inside the paradox,
(which is why it’s called the meshugganah middle).

This is where you find pure inspiration as you begin to piece all the nonsense together
– e.g. how come she’s instantly reminded of everything she needs to tell me only
when I turn on the TV?
How is it that she can handle the bikini wax, the boob job, nose job, tummy tuck,
colonic irrigation, botox, pierced tongue, nipples & clit and yet she’s not prepared to
take it up the ass because it hurts?

What’s up with that? I’ll tell you: OOPS – Observation Of Pure Stupidity, or the Origin
Of Planets & Stars.

I have no idea who started circulating that text but I do know that it comes from the
very centre of the paradox, the source of all life, the catalyst of all creation – that
which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R – The ANSWER to everything!

There’s no need for intergalactic space travel to solve the mysteries of the universe
when you can find the same mysteries deep inside the meshugganah middle. All you
have to do is ask the right questions and set your answers to dialogue and music.
Which is what we’re going to do with various stages of the relationship…


27. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 177 www.logicalstupidity.com
General flirting:
SONG 59 WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO . [LYRIX]
Internet flirting – His perspective:
SONG 16 JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG . [LYRIX]
Both perspectives:
SONG 17 DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY . [LYRIX]
1
st
Date leads to regular dating and eventually moving in. Man gets a little too
comfortable too quickly and the honeymoon is over – Her perspective:
SONG 8 HE’S ONLY A MAN . [LYRIX]
Man left with serious doubts about his choice:
SONG 50 WHAT WAS I THINKING? . [LYRIX]
Since this is the 5
th
time this has happened, she’s concerned about her ability to attract
men:
SONG 51 CHOOSING MEN WHO NEVER LOVE ME . [LYRIX]
Man left thinking he should have stuck with his first love:
SONG 52 MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT/ SONG 53 NOW THAT I’M BACK [LYRIX]
Man experiences 3-month itch and is desperate for a change of scenery. .
Added to that, there’s a pregnancy scare:
SONG 54 TOODALOO . [LYRIX]
SHE’S NOT FEELING WELL IN THE MORNING
I SAW HER SEARCHING FOR A CALENDAR
COULD THIS MEAN, I’LL BE SEEING
A LOT MORE OF THIS GIRL THAN I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD
OH DEAR, WHAT DO I DO NOW?
SHE’S LOVELY BUT NOT REALLY MY CUP O’ TEA
I COULD SURELY DO BETTER, SO COULD SHE
I THINK IT’S TIME TO TELL HER THAT SHE’S ONLY TEMPORARY
TOODALOO SO LONG GIRL
I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU SO I WROTE IT IN A SONG
AND THIS IS IT, I QUIT
I’M OUTA HERE
IT’S NOT YOU IT’S ME
I NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY
DON’T YOU FOLLOW ME AROUND LIKE A PUPPY DOG
DON’T YOU FOLLOW ME AROUND AT ALL
LIKE A POODLE ON A STRING
YOU’RE A PRETTY LITTLE THING
BUT BABY YOU DRIVE ME UP THE WALL
WITH YOUR TAKE ME SHOW ME BUY ME DO ME
TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME EVERYDAY
WELL I DON’T HAVE TO ANYMORE
WE’RE GOING TO GET ALONG JUST FINE DEAR
NOW THAT YOU WON’T BE GETTING IN MY WAY
TOODALOO…
OUR LOVE DIDN’T FLY OUT THE WINDOW
IT WASN’T THERE TO BEGIN WITH
BUT I’M SO GLAD THAT I MET YOU
BECAUSE NOW I KNOW WHAT I’M NOT LOOKING FOR
TOODALOO…


27. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 178 www.logicalstupidity.com

So who’s to blame? Both parties! Solution: Innovation in romance –
here’s how to keep it fresh:

SONG 55 LUNI LOVE . [LYRIX]

YOU GOT ME CUCKOO POTTY BATTY DOTTY
BARMY LOOPY GUGGA FLIPPY
DILLY MOGGY WHACKY BAZARRO

IT’S THE WAY YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME IN THE BATHROOM MIRROR
THE MESSAGE YOU LEAVE ME IN MY UNDERWEAR
IT’S THE WAY YOU WAKE ME UP
AND I DON’T MEAN WITH COFFEE
IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO THAT TELL ME

WE GOT A LUNI LOVE, THAT’S WHAT WE GOT
WE GOT CARTOONY LOVE, BABY YOU CRACK ME UP

AND WHEN I’M DOWN YOU’LL BE THE CLOWN
I NEED TO HAVE AROUND
WHEREVER WE GO IT’S A TRIP TO THE ZOO
I’M LIVING IN A HELIUM BALLOON
THAT’S GETTING ME HIGH
ON WEIRD WHACKY WONDERFUL YOU

WE GOT A LUNI LOVE, THAT’S WHAT WE GOT
WE GOT CARTOONY LOVE, BABY YOU CRACK ME UP

YOU GOT ME GIGGLING AWAY
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
JUST THINKING BOUT WHAT YOU DID THE NIGHT BEFORE
YOU’RE SO TRIPPY YOU’RE SO FLIPPY
YOU’RE SO WAY BEYOND REPAIR
YOUR ELEVATOR DON’T GO TO THE TOP FLOOR

WE GOT A LUNI LOVE, THAT’S WHAT WE GOT
WE GOT CARTOONY LOVE, BABY YOU CRACK ME UP

FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY WILL KEEP US YOUNG FOREVER
FUNNY WILL BE THERE TO SAVE THE DAY
FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY YOU DON’T HAVE TO TRY TO BE BABY
YOU JUST DO WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR MESHUGGANAH CABARET


28. Tapping Into The Collective Trashcan


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 179 www.logicalstupidity.com
28. Tapping Into The
Collective Trashcan



Proactive shmoactive – you can’t ‘just do it’ and there are plenty of reasons why you
can’t.

Tap into these reasons and you’re inside the collective trashcan of rubbish that unites
us all. For example, office gossip, junk mail and everything making you wait.
Whatever it is, it’s also making everybody else wait, so describe the symptoms of your
pain and you’re


SONG 56 WAITING . [LYRIX]

WAITING FOR THE BUS TO COME
OR THE PLANE TO GO
WAITING FOR THE FISH TO BITE
OR THE SNOW TO SNOW
WAITING FOR A YES OR A NO
OR THE PHONE TO RING
WAITING TO HEAR WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY
WAITING FOR MY SPECIAL SOMEONE
TO JUST POP INTO MY LIFE
IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE IT’S GONNA HAPPEN THAT WAY

WAITING FOR MY LIFE TO BEGIN X 3

AND THE NIGHTS TURN INTO DAYS
BACK INTO NIGHTS, JUST ANOTHER PHASE OF MY LIFE
JUST WENT BY IN A FLASH
WHAT WAS THAT? THAT WAS YOUR LIFE, YOU’RE HALFWAY THERE
IT’S DOWNHILL ALL THE WAY TO YOUR ROCKING CHAIR
WHAT WAS THAT?


29. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 180 www.logicalstupidity.com
29. Finding The Niche
Within Your Niche



You know what you’re good at, and you know what makes you money. You don’t
need to think outside any boxes if you merge all the boxes you love, to create a new
box just for you.

This is about finding your USP (Unique Sales Point) as well as your UFP: Unique
Failure Point, and then blowing them way out of proportion:

There are issues in defining what you do – you’re going to use all them:


1) The Label Paradox:

How do you stick a label on what you do when you do so many things?


2) The Paradox of Customer Satisfaction:

They only like what they know, yet they’re drawn to what’s new and different.


3) The Paradox of Nonconformity:

JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE I WANNA BE DIFFERENT
BUT EVERYBODY ELSE JUST WANTS TO BE LIKE ME

We all think we’re all different, but we’re not:

Sony – ‘Like no other’
Nationwide – ‘Proud to be different’
Virgin – ‘We turn radio on its head’


29. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 181 www.logicalstupidity.com



But no matter how different you think you are, there’s always some kind of label that
covers what you do.


Except for me – there’s no label for what I do:




SONG 57 YOU WANT A LABEL FOR MY SHOW . [LYRIX]

SO THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE IN FOR
SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO
BUT A LABEL IS TOO EASY
AND IT STOPS YOU LISTENING TO ME
IT’S ABSURD TO USE A WORD FOR WHAT I DO

I AM GENRE DEFYING I'M NOT PART OF ANY SCENE
I SEE NO REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T PLAY THEM ALL
SO PLEASE DON'T PUT ME THROUGH
YOUR PIGEONHOLE VENDING MACHINE
WHEN THE ONLY THING I AM IS COMPLETELY OFF THE WALL

MAYBE IT’S POETRY MAYBE IT’S PROSE
MAYBE IT’S SOME KIND OF MUSIC NOBODY KNOWS
BUT I WILL NOT BE TAKEN PRISONER
BY THE LABEL THAT YOU GIVE MY CONFUSING MIX OF FUSION CABARET

IS IT FUNKY HOUSE HIP HOPRA?
AFRICAN ZULU BHANGRA?
IS IT RAP OR RAVE OR HEAVY METAL REGGAE?
WELL TOMORROW I'M MOVING ON WITH A WHOLE NEW THING
I'M DOING TECHNO TRANCE COUNTRY OVER BIG BAND SWING

BUT YOU WANT A LABEL FOR MY SHOW…



29. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 182 www.logicalstupidity.com


So what’s the solution to the label dilemma?


MAKE IT THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT

How?

1. Find your USP.
2. Exaggerate it way out of proportion.
3. Remove one ingredient.
4. Find your UFP: Unique Failure Point – then use it.
5. Have it all! Combine everything you love, to create a ‘uniche’ in the

Meshugganah middle
Too narrow



Too broad
‘Here’s a song for all black
Republican lesbian vegetarian
pot smokers out there…lemme
see who you are…’
‘All the party people in the
house, let me hear you
say: yeah.’


Find the meshugganah middle zone:

Here’s one for all the lesbian party people in the house


You can find the meshugganah middle by combining the boxes you love, to create a
new box just for you – e.g. if you love pop, rock, reggae and jazz, you don’t need to
choose. Here’s how you can have it all!



SONG 58 MONEY GO ROUND THE POP MACHINE . [LYRIX]



30. Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 183 www.logicalstupidity.com
30. Schmoozing: The Proactive
Approach to Getting Lucky
or ‘the art of flirting for information’
(whichever tagline works best for you)

No matter how amazing your product is, at some point you’re going to have to get
connected to the people who can make it happen for you. This is why you need a
crash course in Schmoozing 1a, where we’ll examine the fine lines between:

Having chutzpah, and being a dickhead
Bumlicking, and brown-nosing
Flirting for business, and flirting for romance.

We’re also going to examine the two essential types of schmoozing:

1) Impulse Schmoozing:
Used on people who you feel need to be met – based on your gut instinct.

2) Target Schmoozing:
For when you know who the right people are to meet and where to meet them.
Method: The STALK & POUNCE and the 3 essential poses you need to learn.

O SPARX 214: USE THE SITUATION, NOT A CHAT-UP LINE

Case studies:
1) At the gym.
2) In the supermarket – standing in the Q of Indecision.
3) In the supermarket – standing in line at the checkout.
4) In the department store – perfume section.
5) Waiting at the carwash.
6) Random street encounter.

HEY THAT’S A PRETTY LIL PUPPY YOU GOT THERE LADY
WANNA GET A CUP O’ COFFEE?
NO? OKAY, AT LEAST I SAW YOU SMILING

WHEN YOUR EYES MEET ON A BUSY STREET
OR WAITING FOR THE ELEVATOR
TALK TO THE GIRL COS YOU NEVER KNOW
IF THIS IS YOUR MOMENT IN TIME TO MEET


FLIRTING FOR INFORMATION
If you want to know how you fit into any organization, you’re going to have to
understand the complex network of relationships going on above you and below you.
So forget your resume; it’s not what you know, it’s not even who. It’s knowing who’s
doing what to who…


30. Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 184 www.logicalstupidity.com
O SPARX 213: FIND OUT WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO

SONG 59 WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO . [LYRIX]
THERE’S ALWAYS A REASON WHY THINGS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE AROUND HERE
AND IF YOU LISTEN TO THE STORIES AT THE BAR
YOU’LL GET THE PICTURE PRETTY QUICKLY
IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHY SHE GOT THE JOB INSTEAD OF YOU
IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHY THINGS HAPPEN THE WAY THEY DO, FIND OUT
WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO

NOW ISN’T THAT CHERYL OVER THERE ALL OVER PETER
AND SHE’S ONLY ON HER SECOND MARGARITA
SHE’S THINKING WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE HIM LOVE ME

OH HONEY FOR A START YOU COULD BE A BOY
THIS LADY REALLY DOESN’T HAVE MUCH CLUE AS TO
WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO

MEET MISS LUCY, SECRETARY
GOSSIP QUEEN AND SO SHE SHOULD BE
COS SHE’S GOT THE DISH IN THE ZOO
SHE’S OUR FRIEND COS WE ALL WANNA KNOW…
WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO

JACKIE, BAGGAGE, DIVORCEE
SHE’S IN FOR A FLING VERY SEXY
SHE’S ALSO GETTING DRUNK AND JEALOUS IN THE CORNER
I SEE HER DEEP IN CONVERSATION WITH MY LAWYER
MY LOVELY EX WIFE
TRYING TO CONTROL MY SEX LIFE
SHE’S GOT TO MAKE IT HER BUSINESS TO KNOW
WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO

FLYING TO THE MEETING
ON THE PLANE YOU MEET SUE SHE SAYS
‘CALL ME HERE’S MY NUMBER LOVE TO SEE YA’
SO WHAT DO YOU DO? IS THIS CONFUSING?
WHEN YOU’RE SO HAPPILY MARRIED AND SO IS SUSAN
DON’T YOU DARE EVEN THINK ABOUT
WHO MIGHT BE DOING WHAT TO WHO

HOP ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND
THERE’S SO MUCH LOVE FOR EVERYBODY
EENI MEENI MINIE MOE
GRAB SOMEBODY THERE YOU GO THERE YOU GO THERE YOU GO
YOU’VE GOT TO LOVE IT WHEN IT HAPPENS TO YOU


30. Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 185 www.logicalstupidity.com
Summary of Schmoozing:

SONG 60 SCHMOOZING . [LYRIX]
PARTY OF THE YEAR, A DAZZLING AFFAIR
ANYONE WHO’S ANYONE WILL BE THERE
SO YOU DIDN’T MAKE THE LIST
DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO MISS
OUT ON ANYTHING
SO HERE’S WHAT YOU DO
PUT ON YOUR POSING FACE
LOOK LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE
LOOK THE DOORMAN IN THE EYE AND SAY HELLO
THE MAITRE DE WILL UNDERSTAND
WHEN YOU SAY YOU’RE WITH THE BAND
WHATEVER, WHO WILL EVER KNOW?

ONCE YOU’RE IN YOU’RE IN
NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE
HEY YOU'RE MISTER COOL
SCHMOOZING BY THE BALDERDASH BOOGALOO
ONCE YOU’RE IN YOU’RE IN
NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE
HEY YOU’RE MISTER COOL
SCHMOOZING BY THE BAR
WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME?
30 (20, 10) SECONDS AND I’M MOVING ON SPEAK X 3

IT’S NOT WHAT YOU ARE THAT HOLDS YOU BACK
BUT RATHER WHAT YOU THINK YOU HAVEN’T GOT
KEEP THAT IN MIND, IT’S AMAZING WHEN YOU FIND
YOU CAN LOOK THE PART EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT
BUT BE YOURSELF
AND IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO THAT IS
THEN BE SOMEBODY FASCINATING
WHAT YOU SAY AND WHAT YOU KNOW DON’T HAVE TO BE RELATED
WHEN YOU JOIN THE CONVERSATION
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING BUT YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DO
AT THE HEY-LOOK-AT-ME-IT’S-A-PARTY
JOIN THE WAM-BAM-BAFFALO-JAM TELL-THEM-WHAT’S-A-HAPPENANG
BALDERDASH BOOGALOO

ONCE YOU’RE IN YOU’RE IN
NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE
HEY YOU’RE MISTER COOL
SCHMOOZING
WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME?
30 (20, 10) SECONDS AND I’M MOVING ON SPEAK X 3


31. Hysterical Accuracy - The Art of Making Stuff Up


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 186 www.logicalstupidity.com
31. Hysterical Accuracy –
The Art of Making Stuff Up




OR ‘existential innovation’ - if it doesn’t exist, make it
‘Now rich in book, movie & product ideas’



How others have made a fortune from PIFYAFFING:
Pulling Ideas From Your Asspirations For FINancial Gain.



And how you can do the same.


32. CapitaLIES - On All Of Them


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 187 www.logicalstupidity.com
32. CapitaLIES – On All Of Them
DYSFUNCTIONAL NIGHTMARES = FINANCIAL DREAMS


You’ve been criticised and analysed, so all that’s left is to CAPITALISE, by going ahead
and making the meshugganah movies of your mind. Change your mind as often as
you like, just voice your confusion along the way, because it’s all going to change by
tomorrow, that’s why…


SONG 62 THEME SONG . [LYRIX]

I’M GIVING YOU A THEME SONG TO FOLLOW
EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT BE WRONG TOMORROW
UNCERTAINTY IS ALL THAT WE KNOW
I HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU
THERE’S NO REASON FOR MY SONG
COS AT THE END OF THE DAY
THERE ISN'T AN END OF THE DAY
(YOU’VE GOT TO COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION)

BUT THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING TO SING
AT THE END OF A SHOW
ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE WONDERING?
SO HERE IT IS
YOUR THEME SONG TO FOLLOW:

GIVING YOU A THEME SONG TO FOLLOW
EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT BE WRONG TOMORROW
I’M JUST KIDDING WITH YOU
THIS IS THE SONG TO TAP YOUR TOE TO
THIS IS THE SONG WE’RE SINGING:

IT'S A HIT OR A FLOP
OR IT'S OVER THE TOP
OR IT SUCKS AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHY
IS IT HIP IS IT HOT?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT
UNTIL YOU THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY


Bibliography, Inspiration & Acknowledgements


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 188 www.logicalstupidity.com
Bibliography, Inspiration &
Acknowledgements
(too difficult to separate)

Companies cited as examples of innovation

3M – post its ITV
Aardman Animation Argos Jaguar – ‘because gorgeous is worth it’
Aer Lingus Jeep
American Airlines Jewish Film festival UK
Apple John Lewis
Argos Kellogg’s
Bank of Scotland Lexus
BBC M&S
Blockbuster MacDonald’s
BMW Max Factor
BP Microsoft
Braun Mitsubishi
British Airways MSN messenger
British Gas Nationwide – ‘proud to be different’
British Government Nike – ‘just do it’
BT Broadband Oli online clothing
Bud light Orange – togetherness campaign
Calvin Klein Oxo
Carlsberg Pixar Animation
Carphone Warehouse Porsche
Channel 4 Redbull
Citroen – robot car ads Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines
CNN Shell – bendy straw ad
Coke Sky TV
Domino’s Sony Ericsson
Dreamworks Sony Playstation
Duracell South African Airlines
Ford SPCA
Gillette Starbucks
GlaxoSmithKline Tetris
Golden Palace Casino Tom Tom Satnav
Google Travelodge
Guinness –
‘good things are worth waiting for’

Virgin
Holiday Inn Vodafone – ‘make the best of now’
Honda – ‘the power of dreams’ Volvo
HSBC – ‘the world’s local bank’ Yahoo
Ikea Youtube
Intel Zurich Bank – ‘because change happenz’
And quite a few more, but these are just off the top of my head


Bibliography, Inspiration & Acknowledgements


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 189 www.logicalstupidity.com

TV shows cited

Abbey House
America’s funniest videos
Big Brother
Brothers & Sisters
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Desperate Housewives
Dr. Katz
Dr. Phil
Everybody Loves Raymond
Fear factor
I’m a celebrity get me outa here
Jackass
Jerry Springer
Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous
Malcolm in the Middle
MTV
My Name is Earl
Nip Tuck
Opera
Pimp My Ride
Seinfeld
Sex and the City
Simpsons
Skins
The Sarah Silverman Program
Weeds
X-factor

Magazines & Newspapers quoted (all references cited in body of text)

City A.M.
Evening Standard
Heat Magazine
London Lite
Mail on Sunday
Metro
New Scientist
Newsweek
Observer
The Independent
The Sun
The Times
Time Magazine



Bibliography, Inspiration & Acknowledgements


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 190 www.logicalstupidity.com

BIBLIOGRAPHY

The Internet – volume 4, 5, 6 & 7: all references marked by ¯ and
Email forwards
The Sky TV Guide
The Argos Catalogue, lingerie section
The free cooking magazine you get from M&S
Instruction manuals for kitchen appliances
Weekly horoscope for Leo, March 24 2005 (I forget which magazine though)
The Torah and The Haggadah
Loads of signs, notices, disclaimers, and labels on bottles & packages
All kinds of magazine articles – from New Scientist, all the way down to Heat Magazine
Finger paintings from Rayno Greenwall Cohen, my nephew
The catchy bits of every song and TV ad embedded in my subconscious
The mad postman who talks loudly to everyone, regardless of whether they’re listening or not
Some philosophy from the men’s loo in Hampstead Heath
A conversation I overheard at the barber, and then a similar one on the 82 bus, and still later
from a passerby on a cellphone. They were all saying the same thing. Weird, huh?
BT broadband help desk, Scotland branch
Telemarketers very kindly informing me of the latest upgrade deals – Bangladesh branch
The birds outside my window singing their dawn chorus – good advice but bad timing
My mother – bad advice but good timing
George Bush going on about the answer to terrorism
Clinton going on about the answer to Aids (something about abstinence!?) Rich
Homer Simpson going on about mmmmm donuts
Vicky Pollard going on about nothing specific
Richard Branson going on about ‘screw it, let’s do it’
Nike going on about ‘just do it’
Larry David going on about all the yelling in his family, the 40 years of misery, becoming a rich
prick after being a poor shmuck and being able to work with complete freedom – since money
and success never concerned him. (Well I’m still in the poor shmuck phase and ready to try
being a rich prick)
Ricky Gervais going on about Creationism in Animals
Scott Adams going on about the absurdities of the workplace
Jonathan Shapiro (Zapiro) going on about the weirdness in South Africa
Einstein going on about relativity and quantum mechanics
Newton going on about his 3rd law – the one about actions and reactions and opposite forces
Heisenberg going on about uncertainty and that you can’t really be sure of anything. But how
did he know that?
David Gest going on about needing some sugar and ‘I don’t do dishes’
Woody Allen going on about how life is divided into the horrible and the miserable
John Stewart going on about all the contradictions and hypocrisies in American politics
Steve Jobs going on about the importance of loving what you do
Steven Wright going on about depression – that it’s just anger without enthusiasm
Sacha Baron Cohen going on about the dangers of indifference and fighting it through Borat,
Ali G & Bruno
Paul McCartney going on about his memory being almost full

Many of the ideas in this book come from imaginary conversations I had with all of the above.


Bibliography, Inspiration & Acknowledgements


© Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 191 www.logicalstupidity.com
There were also real conversations with real friends:
Avi Azulai, Ruth Solomon, Sara-kai Friedgood, Cole Van Dais, Kipley Wentz, Vicki Davis,
David Curtis, Gerald and Daniel Reinders, Candida Fridman and 40 others who’ll have
to buy the book to find out how they fit in. (Sorry, but it’s the only way you guys will
buy the book.)

Cameo appearances by family:
My mother – Shirley Kellner, sisters – Dr. Linda Greenwall Cohen, Dr. Gillian Brock
and Nicky Greenwall. With extended family cameo’s featuring: Mark Ledger,
Evon Greenwall, Dr. Henry Cohen, Andrew, Joseph, Edward and Rayno Greenwall
Cohen.

And multiple imagined and real conversations with my favourite comedian
and advisor:
My father, Ryno Greenwall (1935-2002) – who always encouraged me to ‘go for it’ and
who gave joy to all who knew him, mostly by showing us the brighter and funnier side
of life.

O SPARX 217: DRAW UP A CREDIT LIST
Draw up a list of rolling credits for the production known as ‘my life’.
By accident, leave out a few people, get their titles & credits wrong and roll them in
the wrong order. Watch the sparks fly! Inspiration from all directions…

PROJECT PROGRESS REPORT:
Start date: 31/ 08/04
Project mission: rewrite ‘FLOPSTAR’
PROPOSED FINISH DATE: end of 2004
Get hopelessly sidetracked and then:
1
ST
DATE OF COMPLETION: 27/11/06
Pages: 328, Word count: 99875 (Project name: Rehash & Disguise)
2
ND
DATE OF COMPLETION: 23/3/07
Pages: 411, Word count: 120 508 (Project name: Logical Stupidity)
3
RD
DATE OF COMPLETION: 1/6/07
Pages: 607, Word count: 198 348 (17095 more than The 1
st
Testament)
4
TH
DATE OF COMPLETION: 23/9/07
Pages: 735, Word count: 250 297

New project mission: do a scaled down 20% free version
5
TH
DATE OF COMPLETION: 11/10/07
55062 words out of 258053 = 19.5%
Mission completed at 02:05 – that’s it, I should get some rest, good night.


©2007 BY PETER GREENWALL






LOGICAL STUPIDITY
The 20% FREE-Book For the full, commercial e-book visit www.logicalstupidity.com/ebook or to order a print version search for the title at www.lulu.com
Copyright ©2007 Peter Greenwall UK copyright registration number (from UK Copyright Service) 265230 All e-mail enquiries to: info@logicalstupidity.com

ISBN 978-1-84799-193-5

Please Note: This free e-book version consists of
edited extracts from the commercially available e-book. As a result, the flow (or continuity) has been disrupted.

Table of Contents

Table of Contents
Table of Contents............................................................................................................... 3 Project Overview................................................................................................................ 5 Book Synopsis: .................................................................................................................. 6 Back of the Book Blurb: IDEAS COME FROM COC-UPS ..................................................... 7 About the Author ................................................................................................................ 8 How To Use This E-book & What’s In It For You .................................................................. 9 Other Keywords You May Want to Search For ................................................................... 12 Glossary.......................................................................................................................... 13 Songlist ........................................................................................................................... 33 Copyright & Disclaimers ................................................................................................... 34 Terms & Conditions.......................................................................................................... 36 16 Reasons for Getting Involved ....................................................................................... 39 So What Is It Exactly? ...................................................................................................... 40 All 32 Chapters Summarised............................................................................................. 42 1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song............. 55 2. The History Of Professional Bullshitting / PAFYAFFING ............................................... 63 3. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code – Dreams 'n' Aspirations ................................................... 65 4. The Two Trains of Thought – Circle & Destination........................................................ 68 5. Mental GPS – Follow Your Fascination ....................................................................... 69 6. Guessedge – Knowledge In Progress ........................................................................ 77 7. The Movie of Your Mind ............................................................................................. 78 8. Observational Innovation – Turning Jokes into Products............................................... 91 9. Chasing the Unknown – UNcommon KNowledge you OWN ......................................... 95 10. Clintonian Metaphysics – Redefine the World to Suit You............................................. 96 11. The Sky’s Not The Limit; Your Principles Are – Upgrade Them! ...................................101 12. The Meshugganah Matrix..........................................................................................105 13. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath.....................................................................106 14. Parafrazing – The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers ...............................................110 15. Pop Song Poetry – The Rehash Part of The Equation .................................................125 16. Reframe The Mundane – Remix!ng the Melodies of Life..............................................130 17. 6 Branding Strategies Used in the ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells ...............................134 18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline ..............................................................135 19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding.....................................................150 20. Measuring Your Mood Using R&D Therapy ................................................................158 21. Thought Accountancy – Detect, Collect, Connect........................................................160 22. Misinterpreation – Creativity by Denial & Error ............................................................162 23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION....................................................................163 24. How To Get Your Whacky Back.................................................................................168 25. Creative Anxieties & Disorders ..................................................................................170 26. Critics – How To Use Them Constructively .................................................................173 27. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration ...........................................................176 28. Tapping Into The Collective Trashcan ........................................................................179 29. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche .........................................................................180 30. Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky...............................................183 31. Hysterical Accuracy – The Art of Making Stuff Up .......................................................186 32. CapitaLIES – On All Of Them ....................................................................................187 Bibliography, Inspiration & Acknowledgements .................................................................188

© Peter Greenwall 2007

Page 3

www.logicalstupidity.com

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43 TV show pitches. present. Apply the formula by buying the e-book.Project Overview Project Overview Innovation. Use it to create innovative products and services.com. You can also unleash your creative potential by watching a business school musical. sing. to create original rich content and for general inspiration and motivation. Included in the commercial e-book (this is the 20% free version): For Business: 269 innovative products For Showbiz: 61 songs. act in or invest in. you find something you’d like to design.logicalstupidity. visiting the website or attending a seminar. photo's & illustrations 25 legislations to combat the latest offensive trends 18 new disorders to tap into and use as inspiration 217 inspiration devices that were directly responsible for all of the above How do you interact with the e-book & website? By using prescribed keywords.sharing new ideas into existence. and then you JUST DO IT – upload your version at www.) It’s all about INNOVATION .com .logicalstupidity. and auditioning for a stage show! Or at the very least it’s about getting inspiration for your own projects. Logical Stupidity is a formula for making stuff up. sing about it and make products that try to stop it happening.STUPIDITY: ? Confusion ☺ Internal dialogue Ideas ′ Statement − Creative expression Reward Shit happens for a reason – so we can write about it. mutual promotion. 80 short songs for you to finish. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 5 www. 31 movie pitches. sharing profits. 451 comedy sketches. 602 cartoons. by tapping into the world’s most abundant natural resource . 300 stand-up shticks. (See ‘16 reasons for getting involved’.

theory and practice of innovation. the world’s most abundant natural resource.” From: “Be brave. feelings. ‘Funky Business’ is by Kjell Nordstrom and Jonas Ridderstrale. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 6 www. This book helps you achieve the above by revealing how dysfunction. Logical Stupidity offers a unique style of creative therapy for managing thoughts.Book Synopsis Book Synopsis: Logical Stupidity deals with the psychology. claiming it as your own and creating something that never existed before – the essence of innovation. brand names. this is an instruction manual for using your internal dialogue as an inventing machine. He cites the ‘feminisation’ of society as a key factor driving change. “There is this shift going on from West to East. products and services.com . into creative energy. programming will be in China and India. then use the formula to create your own songs. Feminine attributes. By celebrating your dysfunctions rather than trying to cure them. be creative.logicalstupidity.com or. The theory is based on a unique formula that converts stupidity. brand names and relationships. An in-depth look at how the universal idea factory works. You're welcome to get involved by uploading your own versions at www. Manufacturing. you’re heading into the unknown. humour. We will be left with managing thoughts. production. movies. feelings. be original and get down to funky business” – an article in The Times by Jon Ashworth (Business/Finance Journalist of the Year 2005). relationships – stuff that you cannot touch. artworks. if nothing grabs you. fantasy and professional bullshitting all play a vital role in the creation of ART – Automatic Radical Thoughts – the essential ingredients of all 1878 projects in this book.logicalstupidity. * By making up your own answers to everything that makes no sense to you. * This phrase is taken from Kjell Nordstrom – professor at the Institute of International Business.

Logical Stupidity is a mapbook with 217 ways to find unlikely places – which is where all the movies. disillusion. This book will open your mind to at least 3000 new possibilities – or your money back! © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 7 www. They all involve navigating through nonsense and positioning yourself at the Centre Of Confusion inside a Universal Problem . So instead of temper tantrums and anxiety attacks you’re going to hang up your hang-ups as art. I’m happy to report that there are 217 specific things you can do to ‘get ideas’.stupidity . Or if things aren’t how you’d like them to be. Instead of ranting to anyone who’ll listen.e.this is what we’re searching for.where multiple fields connect for you to claim the unknown. pictures & songs in this book come from. uncertainty. IF YOU’RE OUT OF WHACK. confusion. you’re going to set your misery to comedy & music and bitch about it to the beat. the unknown .logicalstupidity.The COC-UP . Since you can’t find solutions unless you have problems. but how do they select you as a target? Is it by random chance or can you do something specific to cause 'gapcidents'? (Happy accidents where stupidity collides with logic to form solutions & new ideas.Back of the Book Blurb: IDEAS COME FROM COC-UPS Back of the Book Blurb: IDEAS COME FROM COC-UPS ? Confusion ☺ Internal dialogue Ideas ′ Statement − Creative expression Reward We know that ideas can come from anywhere. products.) Having just returned from a tour of the universal idea factory (3 years of navel gazing). then you’re going to bridge the gap by designing a gadget.com . YOU’RE RIGHT ON TRACK! SO WHAT’S YOUR DYSFUNCTION? CRANK IT UP AND CAPITALISE ON IT! How? Through R&D creative therapy you’re going to Rehash & Disguise your frustrations and sell them using different media. i.

About the Author About the Author Peter Greenwall is a composer.logicalstupidity.) If you believe that solutions & ideas can come from unlikely places then keep reading – you don’t get much more © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 8 www. which is why he’s qualified to write a book about making stuff up without any credentials. unlikely than this guy. sound tech & errorthoughtical engineer. (See www.com . He has no official credentials in making stuff up. songwriter.logicalstupidity.com for a slightly more professional CV.

stage show & movie.) 1) THE FORMULA FOR INNOVATION: Use keyword ‘sparx’ or search for to find 41 of 217 inspiration devices. Directed at: actors. to cure writer’s block.com . This would be a product placement opportunity for your own products in the upgraded ebook.How To Use This E-book & What's In It For You How To Use This E-book & What’s In It For You "SEARCH" the applicable keyword or symbol to navigate to your field of interest.logicalstupidity. marketers. You can also search for sponsorship opportunities (87) using keyword ‘sponsor’. 4) STAND UP COMEDY SHTICKS keyword: ‘shtix’ or (37 of 300) These are monologues that act as links between sketches and songs. directors. entrepreneurs. website. investors. to generate new ideas for new products & services or just general motivation and opening your mind to new possibilities. Learn a shtick then present it your way. That could be for solving a problem.) (The numbers in brackets are the items in the Free-book. (Press Ctrl+F or COMMAND+F on your keyboard and either copy & paste the keyword or symbol into the Find box. R&D departments. Search for keyword ‘dilog’ or finish them your own way. relative to the commercial book. writers and moviemakers looking to develop new to find short dialogues begging for you to material. All devices were used to create the following: 2) NEW PRODUCTS keyword: ‘produx’ (112 of 269) Directed at: product developers. Directed at: comedians. so I’m handing it over to you. Directed at: anyone who needs a catalyst for creation. or type the keyword in. 3) COMEDY SKETCHES keyword: ‘MMovies’ or (67 of 451) These are the meshugganah movies of my mind that now require your production. actors and presenters. You’re also welcome to use them as audition monologues – just quote the source! © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 9 www. Get together with fellow actors to produce and upload your own version of my take.

managers and record companies. moviemakers and actors. publishers. song agents. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 10 www. 8) TV SHOW IDEAS keyword: ‘TVshow’ or (5 of 41) Directed at: TV producers. then upload your own version in your own unique style – i. 45 songs are recorded. Singers – Download the vocal version. 7) MOVIE IDEAS keyword: ‘MoviePitch’ or (10 of 31) Directed at: moviemakers & producers.e. These are the seeds of new songs that you can either develop into 3-minute songs or produce just as they are – ADD or short attention span songs. produced and ready to be downloaded. Shows will be broadcast directly from this website. songwriters. together with the backing track.com . 6) UNFINISHED SONGS keyword: 'ADDsong' or Find short attention span songs using the keyword. You should also upload an mp3 file for a better quality recording. (11 of 80) Directed at: songwriters and producers looking for inspiration.How To Use This E-book & What's In It For You 5) COMPLETE SONGS keyword: ‘lyrix’ (61) Directed at: singers. GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX! Video yourself performing the song live – from your bedroom. Producers – Redo any song however you like. music producers.logicalstupidity. studio or at your gig.

I use keywords and you need to find the images yourself: Copy and paste the keywords I’ve provided into the ‘images’ section of Google to refer to the picture – e. If you own this picture then this would be an opportunity to add a direct link to your site in future editions of this e-book. Use as inspiration to create your own version. Why? Once you know you have them you can get them to work for you. 'grafix' = computer graphic required. I use a direct link to the author’s web site. How so? IF YOU’RE OUT OF WHACK YOU’RE RIGHT ON TRACK! © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 11 www. = photo required. but you may want to check to see if you have any of these disorders caused by various creative issues. leapfrog style. If I don’t know who the author is. = pic from my collection. Use it as inspiration. = all movie clips are also photo opportunities.How To Use This E-book & What's In It For You 9) GRAPHIC ART. CARTOONS & PHOTOS (24 of 602) Use keyword ‘PiX’ to find all pictures that require your production. 10) NEW LAWS keyword: ‘newrule’ (2 of 25) Directed at: governments and citizens in the interest of making the world a better place.com . inserting ‘leapdog’ into Google images brings up multiple images of a sheepdog jumping over a sheep. I’ve inserted citations in the body of the text so you can instantly click on links or insert keywords into search engines. because I have all of them. = pic from the web that serves as an example.logicalstupidity. If I know the source. = Instead of a bibliography at the end. 11) NEW DISORDERS keyword: ‘new disorder’ (15 of 18) Directed at: myself mostly.g. PRODUCT DESIGN. More specifically search for: = cartoon required.

logicalstupidity. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 12 www.com .Other Keywords You May Want to Search For Other Keywords You May Want to Search For Law / legal / principles (250) Universe / existential / metaphysical / internal dialogue (231) God / Religion (157) Celeb / Heat Magazine / gossip / Big Brother (135) Marketing / branding (116) Global Warming / climate crisis (89) Simpsons (84) Just4Jews – Jewish humour (75) Schmoozing / networking (60) Larry David / Seinfeld / CYE (47) Fart (39) Terror /ism (32) Leader /ship (30) Einstein (16) Evel Kneidel – The halachically incorrect Jewish stuntman (21) Also see ‘TV shows cited’ and ‘Companies cited as examples of innovation’ (in the bibliography section).

You should also be aware that while inner space travel is just as fascinating as outer space travelling. As this is both confusing and dangerous. a fuel made by burning aspiration and emotion that splits your thoughts to create emotional instability. which can only be done through a glossary of new words. or you know how the universe works. Be aware that as we enter undiscovered territories of insight. stupidity and your own SPQV: Self-Propelled Question Vehicle. bright flashes of brilliance will definitely occur. everything will be different.com . The SPQV is powered by curiosity. please read the warning before continuing: errorthoughtical space travel WARNING Navigating through nonsense is a fast and thrilling ride requiring courage.Glossary Glossary Navigation through nonsense (Errorthoughtical Space Travel) involves travelling into unknown territory of our thoughtmosphere. read Chapter 9: Chasing the Unknown. it's also just as dangerous . Enjoy the ride. If you’re sane.things can go horribly wrong on re-entry back to the physical world and should you make it. you should not ride. you should not ride.logicalstupidity. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 13 www. Please secure all loose thoughts and feelings as the management will not be held responsible for any loss or damage to your current belief system. or suspect you might be sane. For up-to-date travel information. If you have clearly defined principles. No eating or drinking.

Acrobuzzanym – acronyms and buzzwords combined e. BIAS: Belief In A Solution. BackWord Thinking: a thinking style that uses words taken from the way things are and how you’ve always done them. Artificial Inseminovation: used for those who’d like to have ideas but can’t. text. Breaking Muse: the latest inspiring mystery. movies. ANSWER: that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R. etc.g. Bum Suck. body & tongue (produx). Buzzkeys: new products derived by combining buzzwords and / or keywords – e. e-mail forward. ANOID (new disorder): Absolutely Nowhere as a result of an Overactive Imagination Disorder. Not only that. Whatever the source it’s usually addictive. Business Strategy. a media spectacle. ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells.com . A system of throwing money at the problem to make you feel less guilty about destroying the planet (produx). Yogalingus – a workout for your mind. it’s combined with flamingo wrestling. which could come from any source – news. which is why you’ve become an infomaniac. so you have hot babes wrestling with each other in oil – in time to the music (produx). FABOL – Fashionable Adjective Based On Lifestyle.g. Wrestleblading – wrestling and rollerblading (produx). FABOL – Fashionable Adjective Based On Lifestyle. Belief System. Bullshit – combination of a bulldog and shitsu.Glossary Glossary of Logical Stupidity Buzzwords Acrobuzzanym: an acronym that’s also a pronounceable buzzword – e. The chasing of this unknown causes the flow of information & new ideas to happen. facebook. reality TV. Cockalabradoodle – new crossbreed. ASOWL TAX: Altruistic Sense Of Wellbeing & Love TAX (Carbon Offset Tax). Fongo drumming – combination of finger and bongo drumming (produx). Both styles are essential for the Meshugganah Matrix to work. Riggling – wrestling that’s so obviously rigged it’s been choreographed to music.g. (Also see ‘Tradels’ & ‘Pop Song Poetry’. The opposite would be ForWord Thinking – using words taken from the way you’d like things to be. Better Suggestion. BS: Believable Story. Blockaphobia (new disorder): fear of writer's block.) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 14 www.logicalstupidity.

‘UFA – Unidentified Familiar Actor’. but you don’t know his name or the other thing he’s been in. Clintonian Metaphysics: the act of redefining reality to suit yourself. Is this a CEWTBL? Yes. Celebritunity: business opportunity created by celebrities – e. Example 1: OOPS – I notice my penis shrivels up when it gets cold.g. The PoshUp Bra™. teach me tennis and generally sweep me off my feet. to subvert everything sacred & proven in order to see the funny side of everything and discover new places. Is this a CEWTBL? YES! It’s so common that Seinfeld called it ‘Shrinkage’. Named after Bill Clinton who did not have sexual relations with that woman but found an alternative use for a cigar.com . Example 3: OOPS – The guy I'm living with is not the same guy who used to chase me with chocolates and flowers. Now he never wants to go anywhere or do anything fun. Example 2: While watching a movie you see an actor that you know you’ve seen in something else. CopyOScomy: the process of adopting an operating system and adapting it to suit yourself. Comedianism: a religion designed to convert knowledge into guessedge – i. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 15 www. See FOK-U: Façade Of Kindness & Understanding.Glossary Careography: choreographed caring – essential for leaders who need to turn a crisis into an opportunity. Other examples: ‘This is not a bribe.’ COCK-UP: Collection Of Common Knowledge & Universal Problems.g. Is this a CEWTBL? If so. I’ve overcome my battle with anorexia.logicalstupidity.’ ‘This is not the government lying to the public – this is doing what’s best for the national interest. Contexporting: exporting content into another context. CEWTBL (pronounced ‘suitable’): Common Experience Waiting To Be Labelled. COC-UP: Centre Of Controversy inside Unipersonal Problems. This is me taking you to lunch. This is exactly how innovation happens! All that’s left is to name your new invention: The Cigarildo™ – the executive privilege toy [see book for details on other ‘execs toys’]. then label it – e.e. so now you have to rename it by writing a song. but it’s already been labelled by Dr Phil – ‘The Bait & Switch’.’ ‘I’m not fat. See Chart 2 for more examples. products & movies. which is how I came up with the song ‘He’s Only a Man’.

Opportunity: Foxpaint™ – even the multicoloured foxes are happy (produx). DuMBLBIT DILEMMA: Does My Bum Look Big In This? The solution has been found – buy the book to find out what it is.com . rather than unilateral taxing.logicalstupidity. Paintball combines with foxhunting to solve the foxhunting dilemma.’ Critophobia (new disorder): fear of criticism of any sort. Opportunity 3: The Batterari™ – a battery powered. Opportunity 2: POO TAX – Personal Ozone Offset Tax: A system of taxing individuals according to the amount of ozone they’re destroying. You. hybrid sports car (produx). Crisis: Hurricane Katrina Opportunity: ‘step right up folks – the tour of America’s greatest catastrophe. scriptwriters and authors of content to lie or tell the truth.g. Crisis: Foxhunting – it’s cruel to kill foxes. That would be displayed on a meter above your seat and you could be charged accordingly (produx). Crisis: Global Warming Opportunity 1: show how green you are by paying carbon offset tax or ASOWL TAX: Altruistic Sense Of Wellbeing & Love TAX: A system of throwing money at the problem to make you feel less guilty about destroying the planet (produx). EAD: Easily Amused Disorder – this is only a disorder from the perspective of other people who’d like you to curb your enthusiasm. experience the sensation of living in a sitcom where you’re the star of the show! Editorial Licence: licence granted to news editors.Glossary Crisatunity: opportunities created by crisis – e. however. Opportunity 2: ‘Crash’ the movie. D 'n' A: Dreams 'n' Aspirations that have to be encoded to find your purpose. POO meters in aeroplane seats could measure the level to which individuals are destroying the ozone.g. Crisis: Racism Opportunity 1: a concession stand at a rock concert encouraging people to ‘Bungee Jump Against Racism’ (produx). ego friendly. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 16 www. whichever is more interesting. In accordance with the principles of the Hippocritic Oath you may: 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) Compare the incomparable Challenge your subject by questioning motives and tearing down dreams Provide worst-case scenarios GO MAAD: Use any Multiple Angle Attack Device Ask rhetorical questions and split as many hairs as you like Cherry-pick your edited highlights Or use any other device in keeping with the good faith of the Hippocritic Oath. e.

press release. not being able to. organic cellphones. the gift with which you can do anything you like.] FFAF: celebrities Famous For Absolutely Fluffall. business plan. green British Gas. Catchphrase: If it doesn’t exist – make it! Song: X! Involves jumping on assumptions based on very little evidence and riding them all the way: e. the evidence magically presents itself. FABOL: Fashionable Adjective Based On Lifestyle. scientific theory. Once you’ve dreamed up a name.g. Why add value when all you need is an adjective? e. have to buy the book to see what they are. or fantasy with fact. Evel Kneidel: Jewish stuntman who performs halachically incorrect stunts.not in the psychology biz. ego-friendly hybrid sports cars.com . In contrast to role models who live out dreams that we couldn’t possibly hope to achieve. mortgage deal.g. biodegradable computers.Glossary EOX!: Eye Opening Experience. Their role is clear: to serve as warning beacons and to make complete twats of themselves in public for our entertainment pleasure. psychological disorder. whatever – they all involve the same creative process: taking ownership of the mysterious unknown. pop song. so no exploitation going on here. but building something with your subjective conclusion anyway. nature works in mysterious ways – as you start fabricating a story to explain your name. to the point where the name brings the product into existence. the big EUREKA! Errorthoughtical Space Travel: travelling through the inner space of your mind that happens by combining pseudo with science. Riding this conclusion all the way: Whether you’re giving advice. [Some of these are already happening – see if you can guess which ones. FFAFs live out our most cringe worthy nightmares so we don’t have to. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 17 www. OOPS: Why does David Letterman mock Dr Phil for pulling advice out of his arse but not Steven Spielberg for doing the same thing with his ideas? Conclusion: I’m jumping to (based on this hairline of evidence): It’s expected in the movie biz . carbon neutral Sky TV. eco-friendly movies. Name: Existential Innovation. fairtrade perfume or fairtrade lesbian pornography – where all actresses were paid a minimum of $1000 per scene. to create factasies: the act of riding rumours or jumping on your own conclusions based on little evidence in order to find unexplored territory. this phenomenon of Pulling Advice From Your Ass(pirations) For FINancial Gain is called PAFYAFFING. You’ll Existential Innovation: the act of bringing new things into existence by trying to find the meaning of life. For example. By hopping on the ‘green’ bandwagon you can sell anything: Dolphin friendly cars. writing a script.logicalstupidity.

which is why they feel the need to constantly seek attention. dance. Flexigram: a word. sufferers feel their fame could disappear at any stage. For example: Wantasee: that which you wantasee. Chocorette™: chocolate substitute for those trying to quit. £$€: London Stock Exchange.) ForWord Thinking: using words taken from the way you’d like things to be. They’re caused by accidents and crises that always lead to confusion. Belief Systems.com . This is the magical moment when dreams become reality. inner knowledge created by the rehashing & disguising of information rushing in to fill the knowledge vacuum. blog. phrase or picture that connects your idea to the idea you need to connect to. FIBing: the act of Filling In Blanks to explain the unexplainable with Believable Stories. (See Chart 3 for examples. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding.Glossary FFAF Disorder (new disorder): the opposite of FOBAN is FFAF Disorder. followed by new ideas. So don’t. When your guessedge is believable. when the metaphysical turns into the physical. marketing and product innovation. As opposed to BackWord Thinking – using words taken from the way things are and how you’ve always done them. etc. which is why you don’t have to think about it. Gapcident: the point where logic collides with stupidity to bridge the gap. Guessedge is uploaded back to the thoughtmosphere by way of self-expression – e. cartoon. Nateral Thinking: thinking that’s automatically lateral. Since the fame is based entirely on external approval. photograph. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 18 www. FIB: Fill In Blanks. when subjectivity turns to objectivity and when guessedge turns into knowledge to bring about new realities. FOBAN (new disorder): Fear Of Being A Nobody. Guessedge: knowledge in progress. experienced by those who’ve become famous or who want to be famous for reasons unrelated to their inherent talent. An essential attitude for effective leadership. movie.logicalstupidity. ordinary bullshit turns into professional bullshit and your crazy ideas start to sound not so crazy anymore as they turn into marketable products. song. Both thinking styles are essential for the Meshugganah Matrix to work. personal opinion. graffiti. Business Strategies and various other Bum Sucks collectively known as BS. Guessedge: knowledge under construction.g.

Insanity Quotient (IQ): level to which you’re doing something so original you’re considered insane. IDIOTS rule the planet. 3) To be thoroughly entertaining as I reveal the true colours of my chosen subject. By taking the oath I am allowed to lie or tell the truth – whichever satisfies the above criteria. See ‘Osknowsis’. yet simple enough to understand. IDIOTS: Institutions for Decisions Involving Organisation & Temporary Solutions. Lashonhafreude: the intense pleasure taken from embellishing and spreading gossip. the rehashing and disguising of existing ideas so that they lead to way better ideas – your own. See ‘Editorial Licence’. (Hebrew & German origin.e. the direct result of evolution merging with incremental innovation. How exactly does the creative process work? Inspiraygialism: the art of copying other people’s ideas in such a way that nobody notices.Glossary Hippocritic Oath: the oath undertaken by all artists and authors.logicalstupidity. Hysterical Accuracy: the creative device of prioritising ‘interesting’ over ‘factual’. KICK: Keep It Complex Klutz – essential for Simplexity: the art of keeping things complex enough to make you an authority. See 'Misinterpreation’.) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 19 www.com . IQ is driven by obsessive passion following. Knowledge Vacuum: confusing situation brought on by an OOPS: Observation Of Pure Stupidity. answers the following questions: The study asks and 1) Who or what is providing the stimulus that’s creating everything? 2) How does information flow from a stimulus to a receiver? 3) How does information from the past connect with information from the future? 4) How and why do you act as a medium for unrelated ideas to connect to form new ideas? 5) How do you play your part in designing the future? i. I promise: 1) To make as much money as I possibly can. Inspirageology: the study of inspiration and imagination. as used in movies that carry the disclaimer: ‘some of the characters' names and certain locations and events have been fictionalized for dramatic purposes’. 2) To pretend to follow some higher aspiration. Interpreation: creative interpretation where a new message is found in translation.

This is logical stupidity in action. By defining stupidity as the difference between what other people are doing and what you think is a better idea. Your desire to narrow the gap between how things are and how you’d like them to be not only drives innovation. And you can help by eating more burgers! This is logical stupidity on level one: idiotic humour. But it’s from this vantage point that you’re able to see real solutions to real problems – e. improve overall performance and increase production? ANSWER – yes! Both the logical and the stupid are included in the formula since opposing forces are part of the creative process. into creative energy. LOITGAN (new disorder): Lots Of Ideas That Go Absolutely Nowhere. What does this mean? MacDonald’s. it also drives you crazy. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 20 www. Logic: that which makes sense TO YOU i.g.com .g. Use your craziness and you’re tapping into the same formula running our luniverse. where humour plays a vital part of the creative process. the use of methane gas as a source of energy to run trains. where opposite extremes are part of the same process: Nonsense: that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R Vs.Glossary Logical Stupidity: "Logical Stupidity" is a formula for innovation that converts stupidity. to the point where you observe harmonious dysfunction or ‘the workable cock-up’ – e. are actually doing their bit to save the planet.g. Or if you’re a scriptwriter you might see an opportunity to create an animated global warming awareness movie where a herd of cows take over the world using their fart power…in Cattlestar Ballactica. you create a highly volatile fuel that drives innovation. To see both sides you have to zoom a little further out.logicalstupidity. the world’s most abundant resource. News report: Farting cows are blowing holes through the ozone faster than CO2 emissions from cars.e. which is already happening. by taking out the cows. nonsense to Homer Simpson: ‘Why does everything I whip keep leaving me?’ Or nonsense discovered at Intel: Why are we using men in spacesuits to build microchips? What if we used robots? Couldn’t we shrink the size of the chip. the ANSWER The answer can always be found in the nonsense-revealing question – e.

all of it. It works by splitting your thoughts in relation to a specific problem so you can break things down to make more things up. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 21 www. You’ve got your universal theory. The matrix doesn’t only generate new ideas but connects all the ideas you already have on file by using the KICK principle: Keep It Complex Klutz. now you need the business plan.com . This is why it took my therapist 2 years and £4000 to figure out that I have serious issues with my mother. I could have told her that myself. now you need the joke. You’ve got your sound bite or headline. You’ve got your verdict / foregone conclusion. You’ve got your punch line. You’ve made your point. or logical stupidity. That’s why it takes a self-help seminar just to say: ‘Get your shit together’. now you need the verse & chorus. Why would you need to think BackWords? To complicate things deliberately. but it has to fill 22 minutes of airtime. Why does it happen? Because there is no money in simplicity. That’s why it took 320 pages for Edward Debono to describe how to keep it simple. You’ve got the title of your song. Pure genius. now you need to gather more evidence. now you need to make the case. using Simplexity. Keep it Complex. You’ve got the title of your book. now you need to write the article. which is the fuel required to propel your SPQV (Self-Propelled Question Vehicle) through the thoughtmosphere.Glossary MADD (new disorder): Musical Attention Deficit Disorder. now you need the chapters & buzzwords.logicalstupidity. You’ve got an idea for a comedy sketch. now you need to shut up and prove it. That’s why it takes an entire episode of CSI to solve a murder mystery. in his book called: ‘Simplicity’. • • • • • • • • • For example: You’ve got your tagline. Why? Because there’s no money in simplicity! • • • • • • • That’s why it takes a 70-page contract just to say ‘don’t rip me off’. How does it happen? Simple. That’s why it takes a whole newspaper to pad out the events of the day even if nothing much happened. That’s why it takes an entire bible to pad out The Ten Commandments. splitting thoughts creates thought volatility. The Meshugganah Matrix splits your thoughts by using both ForWord and BackWord thinking. Just as splitting atoms creates nuclear energy. Meshugganah Matrix: inspiration device designed to bridge the gap between your crazy ideas and what the market wants.

beliefs and actions. 8) Your mother may have been overjoyed about your birth.’ So what does Adam do? 7) Reverse psychology. 9) The people you love the most also hurt you the most.29/11/06 • ‘The mind of a killer’ (Seung-Hui Cho) Newsweek. embarrassing information.e. Little Miss Sunshine.police’ Evening Standard . 10)‘Other people’s good fortune is upsetting’ – Larry David. no life without death. 5) Private. metaphysical friction is required for idea reproduction. for every thought there’s an equal and opposite thought. once released = hysterical information.May 07 • ‘Maddy died in hotel room . My Name Is Earl. they’re just as much fun to spread. no success without failure. April 30 /07 • ‘Mother’s anguish as toddler abducted from holiday resort’ . (See ‘Paradox of Entertainment’ for further explanation. (Now do you get the title of the book?) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 22 www. 6) ‘You can eat any fruit in the Garden of Eden except the apple.logicalstupidity.Glossary Metafriction: metaphysical friction caused by ART: Automatic Reverse Thinking – i.) Examples of metafriction: 1) Humour always revolves around problems. 3) As dangerous and as hurtful as it is to laugh at other people’s crazy thoughts. Simpsons. no triumph without adversity. you wouldn’t tell anyone that you once called down to reception to complain that the lesbian porn channel wasn’t working. would you? That’s just embarrassing. Malcolm in the Middle. 2) Comedy to you is offensive to someone else – e.October 07 12)You can’t find solutions unless you have problems and you can’t generate more problems unless you’re confident you’ve found the solution! 13)There can be no good without evil.g. And conversely: 11)Other people’s nightmares are joy for the news business: • ‘Murdered Lawyer’s Fiancée: My Grief’ The Evening Standard . Just as physical friction is required for human reproduction. explaining the title of Curb Your Enthusiasm.com .g. 4) As dangerous and hurtful as rumours are.7/8/07 • ‘Britney in Crisis’ Heat Magazine . no hits without flops. but you were so furious you screamed your head off. no innovative solutions without problems and no logic without stupidity. nightmares and dysfunction – e. Borat’s victims. CNN and other tragically funny black comedies. For example. they also make the funniest jokes.

you’ve got safety in numbers. It works by creating awareness: once you’ve got a name.com . There are 12 factors causing it. And once you create a group of sufferers all bitching about the same thing. Long answer: mystonomy. Mystonomy: the practice of labelling your confusion in order to make it feel normal. the taxonomy of mysteries – the science of identifying. one of them being Punlexia. Examples: • • • • • • • Why do I feel the need to chase supermodels and buy sports cars even though I’m married with kids? That’s a ‘mid-life crisis’. it becomes easier to manage because that’s the only way others have a chance to identify with the same experience. by Jerry Seinfeld.logicalstupidity. Natural Thinking happens by Osknowsis. How do we make it cool to be old? ‘40 is the new 20. This brings up the point of why mystonomy is an innovation tool. MUSAFID (new disorder): Making Up Stupid Acronyms For Invented Disorders. Without thinking we have the ability to assemble information from multiple sources. Can also have destructive consequences. How come I don’t fall off the planet? That’s ‘gravity’. When you reach a point where there are no answers. Why am I thoroughly bored at work? That’s boreout. which leads to an exponential catch-on because there’s no better way to deal with misery than spreading it around a bit.’ Why do I feel depressed? That’s ‘depression’. discovered and tagged by Peter Werder. or you’re not satisfied with the answers that exist – invent your own! Nateral Thinking: lateral is natural. Why does my penis shrink when it gets cold? That’s shrinkage. classifying and labelling confusion to make it feel normal. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 23 www. Why don’t we have better-looking hybrid cars? We do now: ‘The Batterari’ by me.Glossary Misinterpreation: caused by denial and error – which leads to missing the point entirely and ending up in a way more interesting place than the intended message. the practice of converting personal problems into products.

your punch line becomes a product that will make you laugh all the way to the bank. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 24 www. improve overall performance and increase production? (Questions asked by engineers at Intel. With observation innovation you go one step further and actually change reality by doing something about your observation – you invent a product that solves the problem: Introducing FutureFoto™ – what your Internet date will actually look like.e.com .e. have you tried dating online? Ever notice how all 3 pictures of your fantasy partner look nothing like the one you meet? That’s your OOPS: Observation Of Pure Stupidity – i. By staying curious you constantly create multiple knowledge vacuums or Observations Of Pure Stupidity (the ‘OOPS’) into which thoughts from different fields have no choice but to flow and connect. which are hybrid molecules of information that are no longer equal to the sum of their parts.Glossary Observational Innovation: the practice of turning punch lines into taglines – i. you are reflecting reality. If the flow is sudden you’ll experience the sensation of laughing caused by an EOX! (Eye Opening Experience). to form new ideas. the comedy comes from reflecting reality – e. With observational humour. observations into innovative products. OOPS: Observation Of Pure Stupidity – the first step of the innovation process. Turns out that the difference between humour and innovation is simply a matter of functionality: does the joke product work? If it does.) Osknowsis: the flow of information from a high concentration (everything you know) to a low concentration (confusion). OI (new disorder): Overactive Imagination. why does it feel so good? How does the creative process work? Why are we using men dressed in spacesuits to build microchips? What if we used robots? Couldn’t we shrink the size of the chip. These are questions triggered by that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R and which contain the answer to everything.logicalstupidity.g. It’s triggered by Gapcidents (accidents that lead to the discovery of solutions) and by searching for answers to that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R – i. For • • • • • • example: Why do people walk backwards in horror movies? What’s the speed of dark? What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a monster? If this ain't love. THE ANSWER.e.

(Just like you can’t have war movies without wars. keep ‘em coming!’ 3) ‘This booger from my nose is a fascinating design. 8) The subject matter of blockbuster movies: volcano’s.) AIDS is the subject of award-winning films. as well as man-made chaos: violence. 7) You can’t have a hero without a disaster. attachment I would forward it to everyone on my list. a total abuse of bandwidth. twisted and offensive – I love it!’ 2) ‘E-mail forwards are nothing but a waste of time. If 9/11 didn’t happen.Glossary Paradox Of Entertainment: we’re drawn towards the DANGEROUS: Disgusting Addictive Natural Gruesome Eccentric Risky Offensive Unique Sad. 6) A deadly virus magnified is a magnificent artwork of nature.) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 25 www. TV shows and musicals. meteor collisions. (See Chart 2 for examples. political. racism. tsunami’s. corruption.logicalstupidity. If it were an e-mail Other people’s perverted sex lives are apparently 5) Double car pileup on the highway – you just can’t look away. sex and showbiz scandals. if the American healthcare system wasn’t a mess. if school kids didn’t murder their classmates at school. Parafrazing: the extreme sport that involves jumping on a bandwagon. Ditto for movies dealing with war & genocide that all go under ‘entertainment’.com . that is sick. fires. adding wings and flying it your own way. disgusting. political hero’s couldn’t emerge to save the day and documentary makers like Michael Moore wouldn’t have any material to work with. 9) The subject matter of popular news headlines: business. If the Titanic never sank it wouldn’t have been turned into the highest grossing movie of all time. 10)The subject matter of reality TV shows.’ 4) Das Crazy Sex Show?! fascinating. family dysfunction. Examples: 1) ‘Oh my god. earthquakes.

’ ‘I need to pee. Know your STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise.’ ‘It’s too early to say.’ ‘That’s all we have time for I’m afraid – this press conference is over. Signs that you’ve asked the Perfect Question: ‘That’s a good question. Also known as PAFYAFFING: Pulling Advice From Your Asspirations For FINancial Gain.’ ‘Shut your face.g.’ ‘We don’t know yet.e. Once that happens you’re more likely to click a banner ad and make a purchase – e. Pole Splitting Question: questions designed to make you answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ so that you’ll instantly get an opinion. Simplicate: keep it complex enough to be an authority and simple enough to be understood. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 26 www. jump on a bandwagon. Own the Unknown: make up your own answers and you capitalise on confusion. Pose like a hero/pretend you care: the Façade Of Kindness & Understanding (FOK-U). followed by a change of topic. Schmooze: get people to like you so you can flirt for information. just a stunned silence.’ ‘No comment. It’s perfect because from this point you’re free to start coming up with your own answers.’ [ ] (No words at all.’ ‘It’s all in my book. Should Harry go to Iraq? Did Heather marry Paul for money? Are you bored with the climate crisis? Yes or no? Click here and win a plasma TV. add wings & fly it your own way.logicalstupidity.’ ‘We have to go to news & travel but stay on the line. THE 7 HABITS OF PAFYAFFERS / PROFESSIONAL BULLSHITTERS: Chase that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R: The ANSWER.’ ‘I could tell you but I’d have to kill you.’ ‘I don’t know.com .’ ‘That’s classified information / executive privilege.’ ‘It’s not my place to answer that question. I’ll come back to that. Parafraze (= R&D = Rehash & Disguise) i.Glossary Perfect Question: any question leading to answers that make Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R.) PIFYAFFING: Pulling Ideas From Your Asspirations For FINancial Gain.

By discovering new words. As you lie about them. May the grim rapper take you on a wild inventure to find your ERRORGENIUS ZONE. This often results in a person being accused of not listening properly. Punlexia (new disorder): an auditory processing disorder where the brain searches for alternative meanings instead of trying to understand the intended meaning. the ‘hey’ from ‘Hey Jude’ or ‘Hey Macarena’. because you like it shaved and wet’ (What? It’s a new waterproof razor . 2) Shuffle the cards.logicalstupidity. which can then be turned into: Songs: ‘I got soul but I’m not a soldier’ – The Killers Taglines: ‘Girls just want to have funds’ – Jupiter Asset Management Newspapers: ‘Vujade News – ahead of its time’ (See section) Products: ‘The Posh Up Bra’ – coined by the Sun Newspaper (produx) Products: ‘Jillette. the ‘moon in June’ or a ‘together forever’ from wherever. and then: WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER WHATEVER I'M GOING ON ABOUT BOOM SHICKI BUM BUM SHICKI BUM BUM IS POP SONG SONG POETRY EVERYBODY HEART LOVE I NEED YOU THE GIRL DREAM KISS TOGETHER FOREVER YOU DON’T LOVE ME LIKE I DO OOH OOH Two types of inventions are possible using PSP: Buzzkeys and Tradels. There’s no cure. so follow the songs and sounds in your head wherever they take you.com (produx) This is a permanent fatal error.logicalstupidity. you’re a phonetic. you automatically add yourself to the mix: Applied to songwriting you could take one ‘bum’ from ‘shake ya bum bum’.produx) Pop Bands: ‘The Showeroke Girls’ – now auditioning: www. roll it all into one. When your Punlexia impairs your ability to focus. throw them on your desk. Here’s how it works: 1) Cut 'n' Paste words from your target influences onto cards. When it comes to playing with words. read them as they lie and lie about them as you read. Just follow the accident.com . like a new improved mortgage deal. then follow the spontenudity. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 27 www. or ‘touch my bum’. you’re also discovering new destinations in our thoughtmosphere.Glossary Pop Song Poetry: a device to help you create new songs and products by combining 2 or more samples from your favourite influences. but since it’s a highly creative disorder you wouldn’t want one anyway.

IF YOU’RE OUT OF WHACK YOU’RE RIGHT ON TRACK! R&D therapy doesn’t try to fix your dysfunctions because they’re not supposed to be fixed. For example: Kabbalah: red string bracelets or holy spring water for £3 a pop.logicalstupidity. set in the ‘small electrical appliances’ section of a large department store – starring me drowning in a sea of multiple options while trying to buy a kettle.) R&D Therapy: creative therapy that involves the ‘Research & Development’ of your mind. We’re all Fluffed In The Head (FITH principle of psychology) but not in the same way: The slight difference is known as your STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise. mussels.com . R&D also involves the ‘Rehashing and Disguising’ of your dysfunctions by transferring them into a different medium. you explore alternative creative options and… 1) Write them off as scripts for movies. 3) Set your misery to music – bitch about it to the beat. Traifish™ – Our GM shellfish have fins & scales and what’s more. Kabbelah Cookies™ – With philosophy from the Zohar. This is nature’s way of creating the luniverse. How do I know for sure? Well who do you know that isn’t just a little bit whacked out in some way? Exactly. I’M JUST WONDERING THROUGH… (See commercial e-book for a 6-page ‘Larry David’ style comedy sketch. I. Cheryl the Shikse™ – All your Shabbes needs taken care of by Cheryl the Shapely Shikse. 4) Develop a product – bridge the gap with a gadget. Religitunity: business opportunity created by religion. What keeps you standing in this queue? Freedom of choice and weighing up multiple options: TOO MANY CHOICES WILL LEAVE YOU WITH NONE AND YOU’LL FORGET WHAT YOU CAME HERE TO DO TOO MANY VOICES IN YOUR HEAD WHO DO YOU FOLLOW? DON’T MIND ME. we fed them on our farm. So instead of them manifesting as temper tantrums and antisocial behaviour. Falafelosophy™ – Jewish philosophy scrolls inside Falafels.Glossary Queue of Indecision: the queue that you stand in all by yourself for as long as it takes for you to make your mind up about anything. That means oysters. prawns & crayfish – ALL KOSHER! See Chart 2 for more examples.E. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 28 www. 2) Hang up your hang-ups as artworks. so they’re not scavengers. The objective of R&D therapy is to find them and make them work for you.

you simply haven’t read the terms & conditions or the business plan. write or learn and yet can calculate numbers rapidly and figure out what day Chanukah falls in 2040. (YOU OWN THE UNKNOWN.logicalstupidity.) Sell de Junk: an everyday object that manages to find a market through the ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells. SKIL: Specialised Knowledge of Intuitive Leadership. On the top end of the SKIL spectrum you have geniuses who compose symphonies and build atom bombs and space shuttles. And it all happens by way of THE MESHUGGANAH MATRIX. How exactly do they know what they know? The same way that only you know how to do what you do best. Essential for taking ownership of the unknown. nothing wrong with my answer. It works by the KICK principle: KICK: Keep It Complex Klutz If you think the best ideas are the simplest. Rythmagination: state of mental freedom where you allow your mind to flow in the direction it wants to go in order to make up for what isn’t there. Why? Because his answer is attached to a book and movie’s worth of highly entertaining explanation. Now off you go to read about that one. not only proving that anything is art. How long would a golf pro stay in business if his professional assessment of your swing was: ‘you’re shit’? It may well be accurate. it would just need to take me at least 3 hours to get there. Douglas Adams concludes that the meaning of life is 42 and nobody has a problem with that. but also that: You can't polish a Simplexity: the art of keeping things complex enough to make you an authority. People in the advice business have already figured this one out: • How much could a consultant or lawyer make from telling you just to ‘do nothing’? Even if it’s the right advice. it would still have to be broken down into 2 pages to be worth £1000. Marcelle Duchamp. because of the SKIL you’ve taught yourself. call it something else and put a price tag on it. but you can frame it. A ‘Sell de Junk’ is a sound-alike of its pioneer.Glossary RIGS: Random Idea Generating Situations – where all ideas come from. The big money comes from complicating very simple ideas.com . who transplanted a urinal from the men’s loo into an art gallery and called it ‘The Fountain’. but to be worth anything it would have to be broken down into an hour’s worth of advice. definitely not’? Again. Regular idiots can run powerful countries without ever being taught how to do this. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 29 www. you also can’t explain how you have access to your private knowledge or SKIL. yet simple enough to understand. By complication. • • • How does it all work? Simple. Let’s say you were a doctor and I was running a seminar with the title: ‘Should you turn your practice into a limited company?’ How could I charge £300 if all I said was ‘no. turd. In the same way that you can’t explain how you have access to common knowledge. On the other end you have idiot savants who can barely read.

SCLITMOH and MIF (Mysterious Invisible Forces) together make up the metaphysical ‘connective tissue’ between all thoughts of humans. you’re free to start inventing any story you like. The SPQV is powered by curiosity. We could be wishing each other an Aby Titmuss every February the 8th. Even thoughts from the origin of the luniverse are still ‘in orbit’ in our thoughtmosphere. This means going back to any point in time – from when you started reading this sentence to any point in history that doesn’t quite make sense to you. The Jewish calendar could quite easily have set the global standard. because on this planet nobody knows for sure. Maybe John Lennon was right and the Beatles were bigger than Jesus. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 30 www. 3 days? And that must have been like his 10th miracle or something. Like the year zero: how did the abacus and sundial manage to survive the switchover from BC to AD? Wasn’t there any ‘Y Zero K’ concern that dinosaurs or whatever would fall out the sky? What made the birth of Jesus significant enough to start a new global calendar? He hadn’t done anything yet! Shouldn’t we have started counting the years after. To become an authority on any subject. one of those things accidentally thought of this particular luniverse. dead or alive. as well as plants. but does that make him calendar worthy? How about Aby Titmuss? She’s famous for what exactly? That’s a miracle. You steer your vehicle by asking 3 questions: 1) What do I know? 2) What don’t I know? And the big moneymaking question: 3) What will nobody ever know? These questions will take you to a place in the thoughtmosphere where nobody knows better than you. which is why we’re here. animals and things we don’t even know about. You see how this works? Once you arrive on the metaphysical planet of SCLITMOH. time.Glossary SPQV: Self-Propelled Question Vehicle required for travelling through inner space. As long as we don’t know where we come from. And where exactly are you going? To planet SCLITMOH: SCLITMOH: Sources Conveniently Lost In The Mist Of History. The Beatles performed all kinds of miracles. because they’re on distant galaxies where space. So why didn’t it? Are there any other celebrity birthdays we should be celebrating with a festive season? David Blaine was in that block of ice for. Humans are not the only things capable of thinking.com . gravity and words don’t exist. and from here you’re free to start coming up with your own answers. In fact. Or how about Moses parting the Dead Sea? That must have been worthy of a calendar restart. like selling more albums than any other band in history. his 3rd miracle? And why didn’t we start recounting when others performed even bigger miracles? The oil in the temple was only supposed to last for a day and it lasted for 8. surely. a fuel made by burning aspiration and emotion that splits your thoughts to create emotional instability.logicalstupidity. How do you know when you get there? See ‘Perfect Question’. say. there will always be a planet SCLITMOH. what. We wouldn’t even have to change the tune: ‘I wish you were Aby Titmuss but fat free with beer’. all you need to do is break the argument at a point where nobody could possible know what happened.

You go for anal bleaching because ‘you only get one chance to make a first impression’. We’re all a bit @£$% in the head. you just have to scribble ‘40p per page’. For some peculiar reason. (TVshow) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 31 www. and channel it in a creative direction. from Starbucks + Hooters you could get HooterBucks – ‘hot chicks hot coffee’. it’s just a matter of how. That blessing in disguise is the unique way in which only you can make connections or screw things up: • • • • • • On being asked if you take this woman to be your wife. The slight difference between us is what makes up our STUBID. All these basic malfunctions are a huge part of the creative process so best you start paying attention to exactly what kind of nutcase you are. Thought Bomb: when accidents of any kind are analysed it causes shrapnel of multiple thoughts from unrelated fields to collide and fly off in multiple directions. you see traffic lights as smiley faces. Jackass & I’m a celebrity get me outa here).’ At a cellphone shop you ask if a Bluetooth headset will work with your Blackberry.com . For those who need a little help. you say: ‘Computer says no. R&D therapy has been designed to locate your particular blessing. Thoughtmosphere: the collective atmosphere of thoughts surrounding the earth and emanating out into all dimensions (defined by ‘XAVI’ – omfestival.Glossary STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise. ‘try our S(lattes)’. Tradels (see ‘Pop Song Poetry’): products. labels. In other words: If you’re out of whack you’re right on track. On the menu of a restaurant called ‘Taiping’. Spiderkongs. (mmovies) Dude. headlines and melodies.logicalstupidity. movies or songs derived by combining trademarks. At an Indian restaurant you order the chicken cumin just so you can ask the waiter not to put so much cum in. where’s my cheese? (mmovies) Cattlestar Ballactica – about a very clever cow who finds a solution to global warming.com). (produx) Movies: Pots & Pans – a magical (gay) kitchen adventure starring Peter Potter & Harry Pan. (mmovies) Lord of the Spiderkong Wars – about the battle of the uh. (mmovies) Snakes on Brokeback Mountain. titles. so you have to fill them in. For example. (mmovies) The Spy who shagged Terry Poppins. (mmovies) TV shows: Big Ass Celebrity (from Big Brother.

UTTA BS: Universal Theory of Thumb And Bum Sucking.Glossary TTOIS (TOYS): Transmission Towers Of Inspiration. Vujade: in contrast to a dejavu (which is information from the past). 2) Lisa Simpson has a vujade watching her father and Ned Flanders mowing the lawn in their wives' dresses after losing a bet. 3) You’re changing a tyre of a new car.com . Just like single socks from the laundry – they need to be stored so that they can be paired off later. The missing sock is revealed when you’re moving home and have to carry one up a flight of stairs. you just have to wait until you get to the mechanic. Examples: 1) You can’t understand why all the beds in England are split in two. Why does one nut require a special key to unscrew it? This is a vujade – you know there’s a reason. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 32 www. for the missing sock to be revealed – it’s an antitheft device.] The final scene from ‘Dead Putting Society’. There are 4 nuts but one is different. [Took me an hour to find this out.logicalstupidity. She says: ‘Why do I get the feeling that someday I’ll be describing this to a psychiatrist?’ [This is a vujade that could take 30 years to reveal.] Wantasee: the way you want to see things based on your D 'n' A – Dreams 'n' Aspirations. Apparently people go round stealing wheels. Yougle: the search engine of your mind activated by your OOPS – Observation Of Pure Stupidity. this is information from the future. Unipersonal Problem: a unique personal problem that’s also universal. An observation that makes little sense at the time (see ‘OOPS’) but that you realise connects to a future event.

THEME SONG 21. JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME 49. CK519J 34. LUNI LOVE 56. WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY? 32. MOANING OUT OF TUNE 31. SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY 28. THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY 7. SCHMOOZING 61. TOO MANY CHOICES 22. HEY JADE 25. LET THEM DIE (REPEAT) 45. DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY 18. MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT 53. WHAT WAS I THINKING? 51. SANITY SUCKS 41. POP SONG POETRY 26. UNZIP ME 8. WAITING 57. HAPPY HOUR 38. GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX 23. THE BUZZ OF THE BUSINESS 40. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON 11. THEME SONG (FULL) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 33 www. HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN 13. To search for a specific song. HOMES DOGS BABIES 39. SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN 15. THE KIDS ARE WISING UP 4. TEARS WITH CHAMPAGNE 10. NOW THAT I’M BACK 54. DAY BY DAY 36. TRUST ME 43. WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO 60. To search through the songs in the script. WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN 20. HE’S ONLY A MAN 9. SEARCH YOUR SOUL 42.com . WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE 50. FREEDOM TO LIE 3. YOU GET PAID TO BE OUTRAGEOUS 47. MONEY GO ROUND THE POP MACHINE 59. use keyword ‘lyrix’. YOU WANT A LABEL FOR MY SHOW 58. GRANDE SEMI SKIM CAPPACINO 33. COPYRIGHT PROTECTED 24. IT HAS TO BE FUNNY 16. CHOOSING MEN 52. search for ‘song #’. LABEL YOUR CONFUSION 2. DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR 35.logicalstupidity. FLUFF YOU ALL 48. YOUR WANTASEE 6. TWO SONGS 14. 1. BLACK NOTE 19. ONE BIG RADIO STATION 46. DOODLING TO THE DEADLINE 27. LET THEM DIE 12. THIS IS ALL CRAP 44. TOODALOO 55.Songlist Songlist Just to remind you that this free-book is a script for a musical. WAKE ME SHAKE ME SHOCK ME 5. THE COLOUR OF CONFUSION 29. FRUSTRATION FOR SALE 30. SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO 37. COLOUR OF CONFUSION 62. JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG 17.

Published by MISTAKE Seriously – the whole thing was a freak accident. Googlebooks. You quote the author – Peter Greenwall 4. which is why: © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 34 www. You quote the website – www. or use any of the chapter titles.logicalstupidity. without any permission.com and who knows where else. This is an edited Beta Book. Amazon. I started off writing a script to link a few songs together when I accidentally stumbled on the universal formula for innovation and creativity in general. DESIGN COMPETITION NOW ON! This is a chance to have your design on the front cover of the commercial e-book. Any part (up to a page) of this publication may be e-mailed to a friend.Copyright & Disclaimers Copyright & Disclaimers Copyright ©2007 Peter Greenwall UK copyright registration number (from UK Copyright Service) 265230 All e-mail enquiries to: info@logicalstupidity. YOU BUY THE COMMERCIAL VERSION OF THIS BOOK!! Click here to get it.com All songs registered with PRS UK. recording or otherwise. show how the meshugganah movies of your mind turn into real movies. stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form and by any means electronic. Many of the ideas have not been fully thought through. It's not for commercial use 2. photocopying.ndpwriting. glossary terms or any part of this e-book as inspiration. Your design should capture what logical stupidity means to you. on condition that: 1. www.com .com Cover designed by Lori Kramer. www.com 3. reproduced. Distributed by The Internet – Lulu. songs and products.logicalstupidity.logicalstupidity. Enter by registering on the website and uploading your entry on the graphics channel. mechanical. so it’s an open brief: play with the words. E-book prepared and formatted by Nom de Plume Writing Services Limited. test version 1.1 containing 20% of the commercially available e-book.

blueprints.Copyright & Disclaimers Disclaimers: 1) If you’re offended by anything in this book.com . most of the bullshit turned out to be true. Not for those who believe there are certain things you can’t make jokes about. which is why I’m counting on you to make & upload your own versions. then it’s creative non-fiction. You therefore create everything at your own risk. and I reserve the right to feel differently about things now. Terms & Conditions of using the book & website The book is designed to inspire you to create your own ideas. Besides the downloadable songs. 3) If you agree with some of it but not all of it. as well as upload your own versions of the creative briefs.] 6) This book contains codes. monologues. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 35 www. [In accordance with Article 7 of the Hippocritic Oath. theory and practice of innovation. 2) If you agree with everything. 4) While every effort has been taken to ensure hysterical accuracy. As you do. but that was then. be aware that nothing has been test marketed. Comedy. formulas. it’s all fiction. magical or logical. Satire. Just because I’m telling you what to do. dialogues. and possibly all three. cartoons and etceteras. 5) All my thoughts and feelings were correct at the time of writing them. Let me put it another way: I’ll take the credit but not the blame should anything go wrong. then it’s no different from other books about creation. songs. like other people’s ridiculous beliefs. in fact it’s my thesis on the psychology. prototypes have not been built and opinions have not been gathered. recipes. Made up. movies.logicalstupidity. This was either coincidental. nothing actually exists yet. doesn’t make me responsible. briefs and instructions for the creation of 1878 products. To keep the Terms & Conditions simple: what happens on the website stays on the website! To keep it complex: see further details on the next page.

every artwork you upload should have the following inscription somewhere clearly visible: ‘Title of the work’ by [your name] & Peter Greenwall for www. It’s also about sharing ideas into the marketplace. adapt and remix anything without permission as long as it’s not for commercial release and you upload your version on this site for all to see. (as I plan to do). then we all need to come to an arrangement. we need to seek each other’s permission.Terms & Conditions Terms & Conditions Logical Stupidity is about providing you with inspiration for your own projects.com. The same applies to you regarding the use of any of my material. photograph. We can only use each other’s work for promotional purposes i. where every clip or artwork is the product of various inspiration devices. But I’m not using your precious production for any purpose besides this site.com. This is why we need to work together! What happens on this website stays on the website! You’re free to copy. choreographed. you are entitled to some kind of deal that needs to be discussed.logicalstupidity. design. Regarding ownership of content: if you adapt anything by a considerable amount. To signify that it’s a collaborative effort. then we become collaborators and we need to discuss a royalty split according to the changes you’ve made. training video. and mutual promotion. cast album. By getting yourself in the mix you are partly responsible for the magic.g.logicalstupidity. sung. Let's go through the various types of content on offer and how you may use them: © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 36 www. So if I want to use your artwork for anything besides this e-book or website – e. act out. If a third party wants to use our collaborative effort. sing. then you’re welcome to upload it. If I do I’ll ask you! Be aware that this is the script for a documentary on the psychology. by [your name] for www. If you’re not changing the work but are presenting it in some form.e. a movie. theory and practice of innovation. resumes and public broadcast on TV. song. choose to follow the creative briefs then here’s the deal: If you Our relationship is based on the idea that you need ‘material’ to expose your talent and I need someone to present. make or produce the material that I’ve created. If you have something from your portfolio that fits the example. radio or other websites for promotional use. but we can’t have arbitrary off-topic clips or any copyrighted material from elsewhere. sketch leave the domain of this website. then I would need to ask your permission. showreels. multimedia stage show. But should either of us want to release anything commercially.logicalstupidity. then the inscription should be: ‘Title of the work’ presented / illustrated / performed.com . therefore should the clip.

If you’re an entrepreneur or investor. For producers – let’s discuss them into production. Once you’re done we’ll discuss royalty splits – based on what you did! Design your own production of Logical Stupidity – the musical With over 700 pages of script and 61 songs. If you don’t want to audition for anything but are just promoting yourself in the web version. or upload your version on the site without permission. remix & re-release the songs by special arrangement. as long as you give me credit. Just so you know. moviemakers and actors of all levels.e. Product Design. Joseph. presenters. Graphic Art. Follow my director's notes and the links to web pages for inspiration on doing your own version. rehash.e. If you’d like to try something different for your next high school musical (i. mention this site and upload your version here for all to enjoy. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 37 www. stand-up shticks & presenter links: Anything you upload is automatically part of the online clickumentary about the creative process as well as your audition for the stage show and innovation workshops. Music producers may redo.Terms & Conditions Products: keyword to search for [produx] or [™ ] All 269 product ideas belong to Logical Stupidity in the same way that Quiddage belongs to Harry Potter or Duff Beer belongs to The Simpsons – i. Grease. An Australian beer company tried to market Duff Beer and they got their arses nailed. Incomplete songs (80): keyword to search for [ADDsong] Either produce them as they are (ringtone songs or short attention span songs) or turn them into complete 3 minute songs. grafix. For further investor information see the website.logicalstupidity. etc) then select the songs and extracts you’d like to do and let’s talk! If you’re a professional theatre producer and would like to stage a version of this show. photo] to find all pictures that require your production. you’re welcome to sponsor the development of any product you like. while they might be fantasy products. let’s talk it into production – fringe or mainstream. Complete songs (60): keyword to search for [lyrix] You may perform up to 3 songs at your gig. again. For actors – follow the dialogue and the director's notes and upload your version. then that’s fine. there’s enough material to custom design your own production. cartoon. Comedy sketches & stand-up shticks (more than 500): keywords to search for [mmovies. You may either download the backing track or learn the songs on your chosen instrument.com . Jack & the Beanstalk. Cartoons & Photos (602): keywords to search for [PiX. (Just say so in your upload details. other than Fiddler on the Roof. producing them as you like. shtix] For singers actors. comedians working on comedy sketches in groups or solo songs.) Movie pitches (31): keyword to search for [moviepitch] & TV show pitches (41): keyword to search for [tvshow] Directed at TV producers. you would still need permission to create them and release them commercially. Mary Poppins.

Check the next page for 16 reasons why you would want to do such a thing.com . as well as provide you with inspiration to produce mine. where no doggie bags are allowed i. ©2007 by Peter Greenwall. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 38 www. If you try to pass any material off as your own.logicalstupidity. either in part or in whole. Go to www.Terms & Conditions The e-book has been designed to inspire you and your own creative projects. for dinner.logicalstupidity.com for further instructions on how to upload your content. at an all-you-can-eat restaurant for attack dogs.e. Just thought I’d clear that up. YOU WILL BE PROSECUTED TO HALF THE EXTENT OF THE LAW. the other half coming from trained attack dogs who know where you live and will TAKE YOU OUT.

pictures and products: ‘Having the vision’s no solution. everything depends on execution.com . i. (Because many of these clips and pics are destined to become e-mail forwards. 14) Full versions of movie clips from previous versions leading up to this version. songs. To turn ideas into marketable movie clips. then just say so in your profile. But wait.) 2) To share profits or royalties of anything you design. 15) Access to the online clickumentary. the same clip you just uploaded becomes eligible to be in: 6) ‘The Final Cut . manufacture. by Stephen Sondheim 4) To be part of a documentary about the creative process that traces the origin of all ideas right through to the final production – your take. 12) Full versions of 45 songs from the show. your chance to be a movie star. Further down the line. 16) Access to an online seminar on innovation.e. 13) Full versions of all backing tracks of the above songs so you can sing your own version and upload it right here.) 10) To win Software and Hardware prizes that enable you to produce better artworks. movies or songs. all examples and clips will update continually – this musical documentary never ends! 8) To be in a series of John Cleese-style training videos on innovation.logicalstupidity.What’s your take?’ – a TV competition for your interpretation of all the sketches & songs from the book.’ . act in or sing. that's not all! You haven't spent any money yet! Here's your motivation for spending £20 to sign up: 11) Free copy of the 727 page e-book with roughly 2500 briefs. Since the script contains the template for the documentary.e. A panel of movie experts will decide which of you become TV stars. photo’s.16 Reasons for Getting Involved 16 Reasons for Getting Involved 1) To promote yourself and your talent.from Putting it Together. (The site doubles as a free talent agency. This is not compulsory! If you don’t want to audition. 3) Something in the e-book has inspired you to the point where you simply have to create your own version and share it with the world – i. 9) The Logical Stupidity Award ceremony for excellence in timewasting. 7) ‘The Final Cut’ – the movie version with the winning clips re-shot on a professional budget. 5) To audition for the stage show. INSPIRED YET? UPLOAD YOUR VERSION! © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 39 www.

The agency runs on 3 principles: 1) Millions of heads are better than one tiny team.So What Is It Exactly? So What Is It Exactly? 12 THINGS WHICH IT IS . photograph.the study of inspiration: The effects of dysfunction. 2) Best idea wins: Everyone pitches and the client decides who gets the contract.JUST FOR CLARITY BEFORE WE START (Potential investors follow the ‘$$$’ signs. present. showreels or resume required – can you handle THIS job? (produx) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 40 www.) 1) Business School Musical . [$$$: Workshops.] 2) Innovation Training .logicalstupidity. design. seminars. 9) Talent Agency .1878 projects (movies.be spotted revealing your true colours. adapt.] 10) Social networking for techies to pair off with talent.e. 3) No portfolio. 6) Thesis on inspirageology . products) that I couldn’t possibly complete in this lifetime.what’s your take on my idea? Sing.a formula for creating original content with 217 inspiration devices.how to produce the meshugganah movies of your mind. because techies are talented too. WEBSITE: 7) Talent show & audition site for the musical and movie documentary. DVD sales. 8) Clickumentary (interactive web documentary) on the creative process. [$$$: Agency fees. take. finish – just make them yours by getting yourself in the mix! Then split the royalties – see Terms & Conditions [$$$].] 5) Idea Factory .e.) 11) Advertising Agency [$$$] . share. DVD sales. How to turn everything driving you insane into some kind of art or product.com .] 4) My to do list . so I’m spreading them around a bit. [$$$: Live show.) [$$$: Seminars. how unrelated ideas choose you as a way to connect to form new ideas.business issues set to comedy and music. make. act. online music downloads. build. humour and bullshitting on the creative process and the flow of information. How and why gapcidents happen – i. ringtones. songs. CD sales. (i. comedy sketches. (Or production people to hook up with performers.the client’s brief goes out to all the ‘creatives’.] E-BOOK [$$$: sales]: 3) Creative Therapy . [$$$: Royalty splits with partners. stupidity.

slogans and products have been used as examples of a particular type of business innovation.logicalstupidity. presenter link. check www. song production.com . comedy sketch. sponsorship is needed for prizes for each innovation category: best product. [$$$] Search for keywords [sponsor] [produx] [™ ] to find those products you wish to sponsor or produce yourself.So What Is It Exactly? 12) ADVERTISING OPPORTUNITY There are plenty of spaces reserved in all 5 formats for your product.com © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 41 www. stage show and innovation workshops. There are also product placement opportunities for those companies whose strategies. etc. For further investor and marketing information. movie. vocalist. but should they wish to keep these products in the upgraded versions. There are over 100 companies (listed at the back of the book) enjoying free advertising in the e-book.logicalstupidity. Bear in mind that the best ideas are in the commercial e-book. they may want to consider sponsorship deals: In exchange for product placement. cartoon.

This book looks at everything that needs to be screwed in order to do what you need to do. The creative process starts with the identification and labelling of a mystery – anything that makes no sense to you. ‘I wish I was free to follow my dreams and create the world I wanted’ and FREEDOM! – ‘Just do it’ becomes a tagline. 2 THE HISTORY OF PROFESSIONAL BULLSHITTING/PAFYAFFING: Pulling Advice From Your Ass(pirations) For FINancial Gain 3 CRACKING YOUR D 'N' A CODE – DREAMS 'N' ASPIRATIONS …and the creative applications – e. Learn to use it and you’ll get swept away on a current of creativity.All 32 Chapters Summarised All 32 Chapters Summarised 1 LABEL YOUR CONFUSION GIVE IT A NAME. GIVE IT A SONG – THE ART OF BRANDING What exactly is the ‘it’ that you’re naming? ‘IT’ is a mystery feeling that’s difficult to describe.g. INNER SPACE TRAVEL / ERRORTHOUGHTICAL ENGINEERING 4 THE TWO TRAINS OF THOUGHT – CIRCLE & DESTINATION Our thoughtmosphere is mapped out like The London underground – there are circular arguments that spiral to nowhere but are useful for transport to destination arguments.’ and POOF! – we have digestive biscuits. Coming up: How do we ‘get ideas’? How do thoughts travel and how do they turn into atoms? What happens when information from the past connects with information from the future – via you? © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 42 www.com . ‘IT’ as in ‘Screw it.logicalstupidity. ‘IT’ as in ‘it doesn’t work like that’. GIVE IT A CATCHPHRASE. ‘I wish I was younger’ and YOUTH! – ‘40 is the new 20’ becomes an advertising catchphrase. ‘I wish there were biscuits that could help me digest food. These are the trains that lead to innovation… 5 MENTAL GPS – FOLLOW YOUR FASCINATION Mental GPS works by following your fascination. let’s do it’ – the title of Richard Branson’s book. • • • • ‘I wish my crappy car was a sports car’ and VROOM! – ‘Pimp my Ride’ comes along. But what’s different about the thoughtmosphere is that it’s multidimensional – at any point you’re free to hop on your own train of thought to take you to a place nobody’s ever been before – your wantasee. ‘IT’ as in ‘just do it’ – the Nike way. the way you want to see things.

8 © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 43 www. The script you’re given is hysterical or highly dramatic but you can’t act it out because it would be frowned upon. your personal BIAS: Belief In A Solution. and this is what the internal struggle is all about. and this chapter to know the difference. your punch line becomes a product. 2) To express that thing to someone. Only once your guessedge is validated can it become knowledge. Why do we bother to make or say anything at all? Where does the desire of self-expression come from? All can be explained by way of the three desires of guessedge or self-expression: 1) To figure things out on our own. find all the scenes that you cut. So. too embarrassing. one of the movies is a porno… OBSERVATIONAL INNOVATION – TURNING JOKES INTO PRODUCTS How to turn punch lines into taglines: Use your sense of humour to accept the things you cannot change. Am I right? Sure I am. not PC or you’d get arrested or killed. you get to see how you would have directed the same scenes.All 32 Chapters Summarised 6 GUESSEDGE – KNOWLEDGE IN PROGRESS How the universe runs on subjectivity – i. Turns out that the difference between humour and innovation is simply a matter of functionality: does the joke product work? If it does. Now pay me. So how much are your opinions worth? 7 THE MOVIE OF YOUR MIND What’s showing on yours and how are you directing it? ART – Automatic Radical Thoughts – comes from having serious creative differences with ‘the big producer in the sky’ but you can’t walk off the set.com . Okay. and put them back together so you can write your best material. your product development skills to change what you can.logicalstupidity.e. what we’re going to do is get inside the editing room of your mind. THE ‘EASILY AMUSED’ FORMULA FOR INNOVATION: Explore the funny side of everything take note of what you laugh at the convert the punch line into a product laugh all the way to the most bank. and there’s usually a pay cheque involved. 3) To be right / accepted / have your ideas validated. As we examine 15 movies of my mind. offensive. So what happens? All the really dramatic and funny thoughts get cut and all the polite bullshit comes out instead.

com . This is exactly how redefining reality leads to new inventions. Here are the 21 rules for rule breaking. Either way. did you notice that? This chapter contains instructions for using your SPQV – Self Propelled Question Vehicle – essential for navigating through nonsense. 2) To improvise new products over existing markets. especially if you’ve had some code hammered into you all your life. 4) To improvise spontaneity over the daily grind. REDEFINE IT TO SUIT YOURSELF Clintonian Metaphysics is named after Bill Clinton who redefined the term ‘sexual relations’.All 32 Chapters Summarised 9 CHASING THE UNKNOWN – UNCOMMON KNOWLEDGE YOU OWN Your search for solutions is futile unless you express the problem as a question. The objectives: 1) To assimilate the problem as part of the solution. But can you abandon them when you realise they don’t apply anymore? Much harder to do. innovation is involved. something has to give: you’re either going to have to upgrade your principles or redefine reality and change it. we’re changing the world by redefining everything in it… 11 THE SKY’S NOT THE LIMIT. or 21 ways to rise above the limitations of your principles in order to innovate… 12 THE MESHUGGANAH MATRIX Where all your crazy ideas intersect with the market to bridge the gap between life as it is and life as you dream it. 3) To improvise new melodies over popular chord patterns. The method: PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE (see lyrics) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 44 www. 5) To get you out of your comfort zone. YOUR PRINCIPLES ARE – UPGRADE THEM! It’s easy to stick to principles. so too do your principles. Just as laws (universal and man-made) need to upgrade to move with the times. In his mind there was no sex – he had merely found an alternative use for a cigar. But how does upgrading them lead to innovation? In the battle between your principles and reality. 10 CLINTONIAN METAPHYSICS IF YOU CAN’T CHANGE IT. and all questions revolve around this one: What makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R? The ANSWER will magically appear when you get the question right. So with this in mind.logicalstupidity.

Provide worst-case scenarios. Editorial licence is granted under the following terms & conditions of the contract: I. the author of content. As a news editor. Ask rhetorical questions and split as many hairs as I like. Or use any other device in keeping with the good faith of the Hippocritic Oath. I. and when you realise you’re wrong. keep things complex enough to be respected as an authority while simple enough to be understood.All 32 Chapters Summarised 13 EDITORIAL LICENCE & THE HIPPOCRITIC OATH Allows you to LIE OR TELL THE TRUTH. 3) To be thoroughly entertaining as you reveal the true colours of your chosen subject. as long as you promise: 1) To make as much money as you possibly can. the author. By ‘simplify’ I mean: 1) 2) 3) 4) Polarise my thoughts – don’t give me more than two options.logicalstupidity. As a consumer of news you’ll learn how to read between the lines of news and marketing spin.com . give you. the Hippocritic Oath allows you to lie or tell the truth. WHICHEVER IS MORE INTERESTING Changing your mind as often as global uncertainty dictates. GO MAAD: Use any Multiple Angle Attack Device. Challenge my subject by questioning motives and tearing down dreams. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 45 www. 2) To pretend to follow some higher aspiration. Give me instant perspective. I can use the following methods to achieve this: 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) Compare the incomparable. Cherry-pick my edited highlights. entertain me. make me feel like I’m part of something big. am entitled to simplicate everything in order to achieve this – i. has become the key to effective leadership. change your argument to suit the facts. permission to simplify events of the world to make it easier for me to understand.e. Keep me in the loop. whichever is more interesting. Make me laugh. the consumer of news and entertainment media. Take the oath and you’ll be able to manipulate the facts to suit your argument. journalist or author.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. then Wolfman Jack. Here’s how it works: 1) Cut 'n' Paste words from your target influences onto cards. he actually said that. products and movies by combining 2 or more samples of your favourite influences.g. read them as they lie and lie about them as you read. Either way you’re involved. 2) EINSTEIN’S THEORY OF CREATIVITY: ‘The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources’ – seriously. where are they supposed to come from – her?’ [looks at Marge] 14 15 POP SONG POETRY – THE REHASH PART OF THE EQUATION PSP is a device to help you create new songs. Frankenstein turns into Dracula. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 46 www. so you may as well learn the process. this battle for survival is called evolution.com . you take away our right to steal ideas.All 32 Chapters Summarised PARAFRAZING – THE EXTREME SPORT FOR CREATIVE THINKERS Jump on a bandwagon. 2) Shuffle and throw the cards. Examples: Coffee shop: HooterBucks – ‘hot chicks hot coffee’ / ‘try our Sluttes’. In nature. Marilyn Manson and eventually Sponge Bob Square Pants. body and sexlife. Michael Jackson followed by Adams Family. Fitness program: Yogalingus – a workout for your mind. add wings & fly it your own way PARAFRAZING = R&D = The art of Rehashing & Disguising other people’s ideas in order to find your voice – e. Parafrazing is based on 1) EVOLUTION We need to steal ideas in the same way that they need to be protected. Movie: Pots & Pans – the magical (gay) kitchen adventures of Harry Pan & Peter Potter. 3) THE ITCHY & SCRATCHY PLAGIARISM CASE: Roger Myers: ‘Your honour. In business it’s called innovation.logicalstupidity.

This is about turning raw footage into material by focusing on editing and presenting – e. 4) Soundtrack: don’t say it. reframing changes the context. 3) Price Tag: you can’t polish a turd. 5) Tone of Voice: how to turn anything into news. turn it into a fashion. but you can put a price tag on it.logicalstupidity.All 32 Chapters Summarised 16 REFRAME THE MUNDANE – REMiX!NG THE MELODIES OF LIFE Whereas PSP changes the form. 6) Technology: the cooler the gadget the less you care about the content. sing it – bitch about it to the beat. SUBSTANCE = Raw Footage = Old Life 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10) 11) STYLE = Material = New Life A comedian turns an encounter with an air hostess into a comedy routine A psychologist turns the same event into a psychological disorder A playwright turns the conversation directly into a play A businessman turns one of the sound bites into a ringtone An artist turns the seat and the window into an art installation A stylist turns the messed up hair into the ‘just got out of bed’ look David Blaine turns being bored to death into a PR stunt Dido transcribes the minutiae of her day into a pop song Simon Cowell turns regular wannabees into pop stars A chef turns regular ingredients into a gourmet meal Nicky Greenwall (my celebrity sister) turns any Reuters feed into showbiz news 12) Richard Quest (CNN) turns anything into news WORLD EXCLUSIVE BIG REVEAL: The 6 stages of the cycle of innovation and how solutions can be found in unlikely places – demonstrated by the invention of 18 new products. 17 6 BRANDING STRATEGIES USED IN THE ARTS: ANY RUBBISH THAT SELLS Branding is the science of getting people to change their mind from ‘yes but what would you actually do with it?’ to ‘I gotta have one of those now!’ We’re going to look at 6 ways to do this: 1) The Name: why add value when all you need is an adjective? 2) Fashion: if you can’t change the way you look. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 47 www. by using DRAMA IN YOUR VOICE.com .g.

which is why you need to learn the art of CAREOGRAPHY – choreographed caring.com .e. and as a result we have to fill in the gaps and guess what the sound could be – e. THE MORE YOU CARE 3) DON’T GET NASTY ON EVILDOERS . apathy is expected. it could be a gunshot. AS IF your staff/students/citizens are all special. REVEALED: How visual and audio triggers create gapcidents – happy accidents where logic collides with stupidity to create new ideas. In order to turn global problems into political and marketing opportunities you need the right attitude. PR and Spin.THE MORE YOU GET.All 32 Chapters Summarised 18 RHYTHMAGINATION & DOODLING TO THE DEADLINE HOW TO SET YOUR MIND FREE TO DESTROY CONTEXT Most sounds we hear are heard out of context – we don’t see exactly what’s causing the sound.logicalstupidity. AS IF your boss is not a complete asshole.SHOW NASTY 4) LEARN YOUR ESP’S: EMOTICON STOCK PHRASES 5) USE FABOLS: FASHIONABLE ADJECTIVES BASED ON LIFESTYLE 6) BE SEEN THROWING MONEY AT THE PROBLEM 7) PROMOTE AN IMAGE OF HEALTH & FITNESS 8) RAISE AWARENESS WITH A ROCK CONCERT 9) SPONSOR WORLD PEACE EVENTS 10) USE ‘IMPROPER USE’ WARNING LABELS © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 48 www. but acting as if you care is essential. AS IF you know what you’re doing. AS IF nothing is a problem and you’re having a nice day.g. exhaust backfire or fireworks. 19 FOK-U – THE FAÇADE OF KINDNESS & UNDERSTANDING A quick seminar in effective leadership – i. Ignorance is not acceptable. This is how sounds become audio triggers that connect you to past and future events. if you hear a bang outside. where you’ll learn to: Act Act Act Act Act AS IF the customer is king. How to pull this off? THE 10 STRATEGIES OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PR & SPIN: 1) SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY (SEE LYRICS) 2) GET COVERAGE OF YOU CARING .

but how do we measure mood? That’s where art comes in – just as we have the colour spectrum or the sound frequency spectrum. This is why you’ll never see a news headline of NOTHING MUCH HAPPENED TODAY. because they’re not supposed to be fixed. Did you ever wonder why exactly the same amount of news happens every day regardless of what happens in the world? That’s because the news is a business. The method used: CRITICISE. How do we know this? Well who do you know that isn’t just a little bit whacked out in some way? We’re all fluffed in the head but not in the same way: The slight difference is known as your STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise. COLLECT. business climate is measured by market indices. and the more you have.e. How so? Each pixel of emotion you identify translates into a line of conversation. a brush stroke on a painting or a feature on a piece of software or a sports car. a comedy sketch. To practice 'thought accountancy' you need to become the editor for ‘My Life’. Zoomed all the way out. a line for a song or a script. a joke. your Personal News Network. This can only happen by measuring your mood: The physical world has scientific measuring devices. because if nothing serious happens. or moodometer. Newsflash: you’re also in the news business.com . you create more detailed awareness pixels. ANALYSE & CAPITALISE 21 THOUGHT ACCOUNTANCY – DETECT. a business plan.All 32 Chapters Summarised 20 MEASURING YOUR MOOD USING R&D THERAPY R&D creative therapy is about Rehashing & Disguising your frustrations and then selling them through different media. Woohoo!! ☺ Whatever & FU!! But by getting inside the meshugganah middle and measuring the spaces between your thoughts. like ‘Gordon Brown & Tony Blair to remain friends’ or ‘Posh goes shopping with Katie’. the better the quality of your life. where reporters have to be fed and where column space and program slots have to be filled. CONNECT And then report on PNN – your Personal News Network. a news program broadcast on PNN. At the end of every day you need to present a 10-minute highlights presentation of your news. So what’s going on with you? © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 49 www. there are always backup headlines to run.logicalstupidity. so too do we have the human emotion spectrum. This is why R&D therapy doesn’t try to fix your dysfunctions. it’s just as vague as hot. The objective of R&D therapy is to find your STUBID and make it work for you. What’s going on with you is just as important or as trivial as world headlines. This is nature’s way of creating the luniverse. mild and cold – i.

Just like many other anxieties. you’re likely to discover gapcidents like factasy. REVEALED: The creative and destructive effects of misinterpreation and the 12 factors causing it. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 50 www. you’re also discovering new destinations in our thoughtmosphere. When it comes to playing with words you’re a phonetic. Especially if you. which can then be turned into: Songs: ‘I got soul but I’m not a soldier’ – The Killers Taglines: ‘Girls just want to have funds’ – Jupiter Asset Management Books: the same title is also a book by Susanna Blake Goodman Products: ‘The Posh Up Bra’ – coined by the Sun Newspaper Newspapers: ‘Vujade News – news ahead of its time’ Products: ‘Jillette.com This is a permanent fatal error. May the grim rapper take you on a wild inventure to find your ERRORGENIUS ZONE. dysfunctions and disorders. The thoughtmosphere works just like the virtual world of hyperlinks – you’re always only one letter or sound away from a foreign destination that could be way more exciting than the intended one.logicalstupidity. like me. an auditory processing disorder where your brain searches for every possible alternative meaning to the intended one.e. and even if there were you wouldn’t want them because this is what makes you uniquely creative and fascinating. spontenudity. there are no cures. phobias. so follow the songs and sounds wherever they take you. By allowing yourself to roll with the accident. So how do you cure it? You don’t. When your punlexia impairs your ability to focus. This is the upside of being a little bit stupid and a bad listener – you never have to try to screw things up – it happens automatically. have punlexia.logicalstupidity. because you like it shaved and wet’ (What? It’s a new waterproof razor. By discovering new words.com .All 32 Chapters Summarised 22 MISINTERPREATION – CREATIVITY BY DENIAL & ERROR By missing the point entirely you often end up discovering way more interesting places than the intended message – i. neuroses.) Pop Bands: ‘The Showeroke Girls’ – now auditioning at www. hysterical accuracy and various other comical reactions. then follow the spontenudity. new messages are found in translation.

with a little nurturing could make a brilliant lawyer. but it’s a big anticlimax – so now what? You need R&D therapy to UNLEASH YOUR POW: The Power Of Whatever 24 HOW TO GET YOUR WHACKY BACK Or how to find your STUBID: SPECIAL TALENT FROM A UNIQUE BLESSING IN DISGUISE STUBIDs are evident at an early age but usually get diagnosed as ‘antisocial behaviour’ and snuffed out by Ritalin before they’ve had a chance to be discovered and unleashed.All 32 Chapters Summarised 23 REVEALED: THE 3 TYPES OF DISILLUSION 1) Type 1: 2) Type 2: 3) Type 3: Hopelessly deluded D 'n' A (Dreams 'n' Aspirations). for Bush. 5) Meditation. or if the delusion was more serious. 2) Regression. D 'n' A achieved.logicalstupidity. Hopelessly deluded kids could have been speech writers for Blair. a pathological liar. Kids who play with guns and fail their music exams could be rappers. Destructive kids who break other kids' toys and then give out advice on how to fix them could be management consultants. This is a great pity because all kinds of lucrative careers are being snuffed out before they’ve had a chance to get going – e.com . 3) Trial & Error. Those who love the sound of their own voice but don’t have much to say could be radio DJ’s. 4) Soul Searching. D 'n' A crushed or being crushed by reality – you’ve settled into comfortable numbness.g. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 51 www. So where did your nutcase go and how can we get it back? This is what R&D therapy is concerned with: what’s your basic malfunction and how can you use it? How is it that only kids and old people can say whatever they like? Well now you can too! We’re going to examine 5 methods to get your whacky back: 1) Sing a whacky song.

com . Ego’s have to be stroked. It also goes through the 6 important reasons for sucking: 1) Retaliation energy for building more artworks.logicalstupidity. 3) Comparative function – how would anyone know what was good if you didn’t suck? 4) First draft is out the way. 4. tans and intelligence all have to be faked.e. Not necessarily. Audiences need to be told what to think. and that just because it took you a year to get your masterpiece on myspace.) 26 CRITICS – HOW TO USE THEM CONSTRUCTIVELY THE CREATIVE POWER OF NEGATIVE INSPIRATION FROM REJECTION For every criticism there’s an equal and opposite reaction… Tracy Emin often has rocks thrown through the window of her art studio. moviemaker or graphic artist. 8. Producers have to be slept with or framed. 5) Total creative freedom. Shakespeare and Michelangelo. this chapter goes through all the signs that you suck and how to use them as inspiration. mostly because you’re always too far up your own ass to be able to tell. as I reveal my top ten anxieties… (You can find them under ‘new disorder’ in the Glossary. 10. It’s not something you can decide on your own. You do not need any kind of therapy to cure you of phobias. Working in isolation – the preoccupation with your own thoughts combined with a certain frequency of your computer fan made you start hallucinating that you’re better than the combined creative output of U2. 2) You’re part of the wheel of progress – you’re the one pushing the envelope. Big-time sucking is an honour awarded to you by others. you instantly connect with your audience by way of safety in numbers – i. Pictures of you getting your toes licked on private yachts need to be published. but can you make it without? This requires a skill-set that no university or music school can offer: 1. Visits to rehab have to be coordinated around gig schedules. By describing the symptoms over your chosen medium. Now see if you’re one of them. you become the voice of millions of people who’ve all been suffering in silence from the same thing. You soon found out that you’re very much alone and you suck. 9. ‘Wardrobe malfunctions’ have to be choreographed. sometimes licked. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 52 www. Top ten lists have to created and sent to the press. which is the objective of this chapter: to help you identify the signs that you suck and then use all the rocks thrown at you as inspiration for more artworks.All 32 Chapters Summarised 25 CREATIVE ANXIETIES & DISORDERS Don’t get cured – get inspired by all of them. Seriously. Tyres need to be slashed if not printed. 3. 5. 11. Journalists have to be lunched. 2. I’ve spoken. And in case you still haven’t found this out. the whole world would be interested in whatever you had to say. 7. anxieties and disorders – they exist for a reason – to keep you alive and inspire you. Offspring or adopted babies have to be given twatish names. The digital revolution is partly responsible for this: Affordable technology – made you think you’re a musician. Steven Spielberg. 6. Marriages. Rumours and porn videos have to fabricated and spread on the Internet. 6) The challenge – anyone can make it with natural talent. What does she do about it? She uses them to build more artworks.

nose job.com . but don’t get caught. Step 4: At another time and place (so that you’re calmer and can think rationally) examine all requests and complaints. You will now find yourself in the interpreation zone. colonic irrigation. which is why it’s called the meshugganah middle. honey?’ ‘What’s the matter?’ ‘What can I say to make it better?’ ‘What do you mean by that?’ Step 2: Ask questions that have ‘everything’ answers: ‘What’s it going to take to make you happy?’ Step 3: Insist on specific examples and actually listen this time.logicalstupidity. botox. or the Origin Of Planets & Stars. deep inside the paradox. If you have trouble listening or remembering the exact lines she uses. movies. you need to focus all your attention on just listening. All you have to do is ask the right questions and set your answers to dialogue and music. articles & products. taking particular note of the knowledge vacuum between both extremes. then use a Dictaphone. This is where you find pure inspiration as you begin to piece all the nonsense together – e.g. the Centre Of Confusion inside a Unique Problem (the COC-UP). Don’t try to think of anything to say. tummy tuck.All 32 Chapters Summarised 27 USING RELATIONSHIPS AS A SOURCE OF INSPIRATION How to think inside the paradox of love in order to use your partner as a catalyst for songs. pierced tongue. Which is what we’re going to do with various stages of the relationship… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 53 www. the source of all life. how come she’s instantly reminded of everything she needs to tell me only when I turn on the TV? How is it that she can handle the bikini wax. I have no idea who started circulating that text but I do know that it comes from the very centre of the paradox. Step 1: Ask questions that result in ‘nothing’ answers: ‘What’s up?’ ‘What’s going on?’ ‘What’s wrong. the catalyst of all creation – that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R – The ANSWER to everything! There’s no need for intergalactic space travel to solve the mysteries of the universe when you can find the same mysteries deep inside the meshugganah middle. the boob job. nipples & clit and yet she’s not prepared to take it up the ass because it hurts? What’s up with that? I’ll tell you: OOPS – Observation Of Pure Stupidity. which will take every bit of concentration you have.

movie & product ideas’ How others have made a fortune from PIFYAFFING: Pulling Ideas From Your Aspirations For FINancial Gain. to create a new box just for you. just voice your confusion along the way. Change your mind as often as you like. 2) Target Schmoozing: For when you know who the right people are to meet and where to meet them. This is why you need a crash course in Schmoozing 1a. by going ahead and making the meshugganah movies of your mind. (Download the whole chapter here free!) 32 CAPITALIES – DYSFUNCTIONAL NIGHTMARES = FINANCIAL DREAMS You’ve been criticised and analysed so all that’s left is to CAPITALISE. at some point you’re going to have to get connected to the people who can make it happen for you.logicalstupidity. MAKE IT ‘Now rich in book. How do you meet someone who looks like someone you need to know? This is the dilemma James Blunt writes about in ‘You’re Beautiful’: ‘I SAW YOUR FACE IN A CROWDED PLACE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO’ If he had known about Impulse Schmoozing he would have known exactly what to do. We’re also going to examine the two essential types of schmoozing: 1) Impulse Schmoozing: Used on people who you feel need to be met – based on your gut instinct. 29 FINDING THE NICHE WITHIN YOUR NICHE You know what you’re good at and you know what makes you money. Method: The STALK & POUNCE and the 3 essential poses you need to learn. You don’t need to think outside any boxes if you merge all the boxes you love.All 32 Chapters Summarised 28 TAPPING INTO THE COLLECTIVE TRASHCAN Proactive shmoactive – you can’t ‘just do it’ and there are plenty of reasons why you can’t. • Flirting for business and Flirting for romance. 31 HYSTERICAL ACCURACY – THE ART OF MAKING STUFF UP OR ‘EXISTENTIAL INNOVATION’ . to examine the fine lines between: • Having chutzpah and being a dickhead. • Bumlicking and Brown-nosing. This is about finding your USP (Unique Sales Point) and UFP (Unique Failure Point) and capitalising on both with a little R&D: Rehash & Disguise.IF IT DOESN’T EXIST. 30 SCHMOOZING: THE PROACTIVE APPROACH TO GETTING LUCKY OR ‘THE ART OF FLIRTING FOR INFORMATION’ (WHICHEVER YOU PREFER) No matter how amazing your product is. because it’s all going to change by tomorrow… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 54 www. Tap into these reasons and you’re inside the collective trashcan of rubbish that unites us all. And how you can do the same.com .

‘IT’ as in ‘it doesn’t work like that’. ‘IT’ as in ‘Screw it. ‘IT’ as in ‘just do it’ – the Nike way.logicalstupidity. LABEL Your Confusion . LABEL Your Confusion Give it a Name. Give it a Catchphrase. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 55 www. We’re going to look at everything that needs to be screwed. in order to do what you need to do.Give it a Name.opening production number) [LYRIX] And what exactly is the ‘it’ that you’re naming? ‘IT’ is a mystery feeling that’s difficult to describe. Give it a Song 1. Give it a Song SPARX 1 (SONG 1 .1. let’s do it ’ – the title of Richard Branson’s book. Give it a Catchphrase.com .

Did you know about mystonomy? How could you.com . Once you create a group of sufferers all bitching about the same thing.e. the taxonomy of mysteries – i. > Why am I thoroughly bored at work? That’s boreout. when I’m reasonably happily married? That’s called a mid-life crisis. how come I don’t fall off the planet? Gravity. and now they’re together. Isaac Newton has already labelled that mystery so it’s not mysterious anymore. classifying and labelling confusion to make it feel normal. how’s this one: a friend of mine just made a move on this girl I was thinking about asking out. which leads to an exponential catch-on because there’s no better way to deal with misery than spreading it around a bit.1. How does that work? New mystery: how does labelling your confusion make it feel better? That’s called mystonomy. LABEL Your Confusion . Go ahead – ask me anything! Then see if you can figure out whether my answer is guessedge or common knowledge that’s just not common to you.Give it a Name. > Why do I feel that the only way out of it is to chase younger women. Why don’t you try a personal mystery? Give me a problem that you think is unique to you: > Okay. yes I do. discovered and tagged by Peter Werder. when I made it all up? It’s all guessedge! But if you believed me then it’s knowledge. Is any of this helping you? Do you feel better knowing that you’re not alone with your problems? > Actually. Give it a Song What. > Why do I feel depressed? That’s depression. you’ve got safety in numbers. How does it work? By creating awareness: once you’ve got a name it becomes easier to manage because that’s the only way others have a chance to identify with the same experience. to you. > Why does my penis shrivel up when it gets cold? That’s shrinkage by Jerry Seinfeld. Choose another one: > Okay – who or what is providing the stimulus for the creation of everything? That would be ‘God’ – labelled and defined differently by various authors. Thank you. It will do that to you. Give it a Catchphrase.logicalstupidity. This is how the system works – so that’s the game we’re playing here. > So how can we make it cool to grow old in a youth-obsessed society? 40 is the new 20. He knew I was interested! What do you call that? © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 56 www. makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R? Whatever it is. the science of identifying. And this is what innovation is all about – discovering something that was always there and giving it a name. give it a name: > Okay.

By making up your own answers you turn questions into statements and bring new things into existence. Give it a Catchphrase. These are the same questions that would have led to the creation of these cars. Why would you think that problem is unique to you? > Because it’s never happened to me before! Maybe not to you. nature works in mysterious ways – as you start fabricating a story to explain your name. especially in property.com . So here’s the deal: X! involves jumping on assumptions based on very little evidence and riding them all the way. Those are the kind you’re looking for but you’ll never know if they’re common to anyone else unless you name them! If you want to break through the knowledge barrier and take ownership of the unknown. gathering more evidence as you go. > What do I call this method of innovation? Name: Existential Innovation. But you’re asking the right questions. Once you’ve dreamed up a name. you were gazumped by a better offer! That’s girlfriend gazumping. Happens often. The Velozzi and The Batterari. you’ve got to name it. but it’s a universal problem that’s just never been named. So now all you need to do to turn your guessedge into knowledge is to go ahead and actually make a Batterari because it doesn’t exist yet! The other two cars exist but The Batterari is all yours. LABEL Your Confusion . to the point where the name brings the product into existence: OOPS (Observation Of Pure Stupidity) logo full story business plan name catchphrase market song (or synopsis) $$$ product advert PiX/grafix: X! logo to be designed. Catchphrase: if it doesn’t exist – make it! Song: this is where you need to elaborate. it doesn’t have to be an actual song. my metaphysical friend from my internal dialogue? > Why can’t they make better-looking hybrid cars? Why do we have to drive shoeboxes to fight the climate crisis? What if we had hybrid sports cars? Wouldn’t more people be encouraged to drive them and isn’t that a solution to global warming? YES! But you’re too late – we already have them. which is where the name comes from.1. the evidence magically presents itself. You just tapped into a unipersonal problem – unique and universal at exactly the same time.Give it a Name. like a Try it as a flash animation. Give it a Song Dude. So what else is bugging you. something that involves a ‘?’ turns into a ‘!’ . There’s the Tesla Roadster. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 57 www.logicalstupidity. Innovation begins by noticing new mysteries and then giving them names. also known as a CEWTBL (pronounced ‘suitable’): Common Experience Waiting To Be Labelled.

1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song

Let’s use the Batterari as a case study of Existential Innovation: The OOPS: why can’t we have a sportier looking hybrid car? (They have them, so come up with a different answer.) Name: the Batterari Testosterona. Catchphrase: ‘lose the power, keep the status.’ Song: elaborate, by saying why your battery / hybrid sports car is different. Start by jumping on an assumption based on what little evidence you have, and then ride it as far as it will go: Since you can’t drive above 30 MPH in most cities and this is a city car, we clearly don’t need to worry about speed and power. What we need is an ego-friendly car that still captures all the feelings of a sports car when you drive one – i.e. you want an attention-seeking device. You want the noise, the vroom, the compensation for the small penis. It all has to be there. So how do we do that? The Batterari has massive base bin speakers under the bonnet, connected to the accelerator, so the car still screams ‘look at me’ with every rev. There’s just no carbon emission. Win-win. [produx/climate crisis Pix/grafix] Now what about the picture story product business plan advert market?

That’s where you come in. Design it, upload it, let’s see it! That’s what the website is for – to design all 1878 ideas into existence. Okay so we’ve established that the creative process starts with the discovery of a mystery or OOPS. Luckily we have an infinite supply – as much as we know, there’s infinitely more that we don’t, and trying to find out what we don’t know is the essence of innovation. How so? Because what we don’t know we can invent, and that’s what this book is about. Step one: Find a mystery. Step two: Answer it yourself with a name, catchphrase, song and business plan. For example, any questions you have about dinosaurs should end in answers like Dino, Roboraptor, Barney or Jackoffasaurus, the lesser-known species. They were big, loud, annoying and lived in Memphis, where they went on sitcoms and game shows. They became extinct by moving to France. And that's the story of the Jackoffasaurus according to Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of South Park. How did they do it? No matter how many answers there might be to a mystery, there’s always one more you can add to the mix – yours. Your mystery may be common knowledge to others but not to you, so what you’re labelling is your own stupidity, or OOPS: Observation Of Pure Stupidity.

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1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song

That, in a nutshell, is the creative process. Selling happens when your particular brand of stupidity taps into the stupidity of others, which is when it becomes logical: What was the deal with Jesus? Who killed him and why? Mel Gibson’s ANSWER turns into The Passion of The Christ. And what if Jesus had a daughter whose bloodline survived in Europe? Now there’s a genius assumption based on a hairline of evidence. That answer turns into The Da Vinci Code and this time the logic is supplied courtesy of Dan Brown. South Park had Jesus and Santa battling it out for control of the holiday while The Simpsons told it their way. Monty Python set the record straight with Life of Brian. Even The Bible jumped in with yet another version of what really happened. So who’s right? Who’s telling the truth? Who cares! The answers are interesting so we buy them. The less we know about the subject, the easier it is to fabricate a plausible and highly commercial answer: What do we know about dragons & pixies? Not much. Perfect – that can be turned into Lord of the Rings. What don’t we know about wizards and witches? Enough to Fill In the Blanks with Harry Potter. The mystery of the Ice Age is at least two animated movies worth, and solving the Alien mystery turns into ET and X-files. Do you see what’s going on here? They’re all coming up with their own logical ANSWERS: Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R – which is why it’s logical – NOW SING! WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE, WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY (short song goes here) So what’s confusing you, and more importantly – can you come up with your own answers? • How is it that men are so different from women? That turns into ‘Men are from Mars’ by John Gray. • Why would women even need men if they have a Rabbit? That becomes an episode of Sex in the City. • What makes women happy? That’s an article in The Sunday Times magazine. So far we’ve seen where disorders, articles, books, TV shows and movies come from. What about songs? How have songwriters been using existential innovation as a songwriting tool?

All the lonely people, where do they all come from? What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a monster? Where did I go wrong along the way? Where do broken hearts go? Who’s gonna drive you home tonight? Why?

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1. LABEL Your Confusion - Give it a Name, Give it a Catchphrase, Give it a Song

Notice how you don’t even need to come up with answers if your questions are rhetorical enough. There’s no resolution – they just set their confusion to music, and you could do the same over your chosen medium, which could take the form of a product or service. How do you turn mysteries into products and then sell them? This is the job of marketing – to make you aware of mysteries, thereby creating massive problems that only you can solve: Do you have any idea how many things can go wrong with your health, family, house, car, pet or holiday? Are you covered for bird flu? Monkey pox? What if a robber shows up in your garden? Here’s how we can stop the worry… introducing [your insurance product]. Did you know that your area is a high-risk postcode for identity theft? Here’s how we can solve that one… Do you know that if the pipe carrying water into your house bursts, you’re responsible? And did you know that it’s happened to 1.5 million homes? That’s right – there is something to worry about – but for £16 a year you can go back to the blissful state of ignorance you were in before we told you this. Do you know how many germs are on your cutting board or toilet seat? ‘GermBgone’ can solve that problem. Do you know that the blue fluff you find in your navel causes flatulence? Get rid of it with FLUFF-OFF.

[produx] [produx]

Do you know how much rat poo is on your can of beer? Of course not! How could you, if we never told you? That’s why all our beer cans are now rat-poo free. Do you know how many babies it takes to produce one bottle of baby oil? Introducing Baby Oil Zero – ‘no babies used in our products’. [produx]

WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE, WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY (that same short song again)

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That makes absolutely no sense – PERFECT! What’s your catchphrase? They’re hot.Give it a Name. Give it a Song So what new. original and useful. so where are they? Innovations don’t only have to be new.logicalstupidity. Fine. logically stupid mystery are you unleashing on the world? Hey! Lets start a girl band who sing in the shower! Great – what’s the name. they also have to exist – they can’t just be ideas.com.com . they’re wet.logicalstupidity. LABEL Your Confusion . Why? Because they sing Karaoke songs in the shower. Give it a Catchphrase. And what’s the song? SONG 48 JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME [LYRIX] WE’LL MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD NAUSEOUS WITH THE BUBBLEGUM SONGS WE WRITE AND THEY’LL BE REALLY CATCHY TOO SO YOU WON’T SLEEP SO WELL AT NIGHT. catchphrase and song? Name: The Showeroke girls. Auditions are now happening at www. they’re semi-naked…give it up for the Showeroke girls! Why must they only do Karaoke songs? What if they sing originals as well? That will be a different band called ‘Girls on Tap’. [produx] [produx] Okay. LIKE… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 61 www. LIKE JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME AND WE’LL BE US HAPPILY YOU KNOW I’M CLUELESS BUT I’M KEEN DON’T YOU LIKE MY HAPPY LITTLE CUTE FACE? AND I’M BARELY SEVENTEEN WITH A SNAPPY LITTLE CATCHPHRASE.1.

.Guessedge is always more exciting than knowledge. LABEL Your Confusion .To prove that the formula for innovation actually works. Song: coming up as soon as I can make it up by breaking it down: 1) Who or what is providing the stimulus that’s creating everything? 2) How does information flow from a stimulus to a receiver? 3) How does information from the past. Give it a Song I have another slightly more serious question: OOPS: Why can’t you study creativity as a school subject? If it doesn’t exist.Give it a Name. not true biz. so I don’t have to be right! SONG 2 FREEDOM TO LIE [LYRIX] AM I REFLECTING THE TRUTH OR MAKING UP FANTASY? I DON’T THINK THAT I HAVE TO DECIDE THAT’S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT SHOWBIZ. how exactly does the creative process work? I’m going to answer this. not by looking it up but by making it up. [produx / education / syllabus] Catchphrase: the study of inspiration & imagination. make it! Name: Inspirageology. Give it a Catchphrase.logicalstupidity. POLITICS OR MERELY MY OPINION? SUCH A FINE LINE BETWEEN MY MEMORY OR IS THIS MY IMAGINATION? MY FORTY GIGABYTE IPOD MEMORY OR IS THIS MY IMAGINATION? © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 62 www. or perhaps there is. Why? . POP MUSIC.com . but the research is too scary.There’s not enough information available. connect with information from the future? 4) How and why do you act as a medium for unrelated ideas to connect to form new ideas? 5) How do you play your part in designing the future? i. the easier it is to fabricate a story.1.This is a musical – I’m in showbiz. and . NOT TRUEBIZ SO I GOT THE FREEDOM TO LIE REFLECTING MY WANTASEE FREEDOM TO LIE THAT’S THE NATURE OF THE BIZ FREEDOM TO LIE REFLECTING MY FANTASY FREEDOM TO LIE I NEVER HAVE TO TELL IT LIKE IT IS COS WHEN YOU DIGITIZE OR PHOTOSYNTHESIZE OR JUST THROW IT ALL TOGETHER IS IT MAGIC OR TECHNOLOGY? PROPOGANDA.e. . .The less information about what you really want to know.

when it becomes obvious that delusion has set in – they get voted out to make way for a new set of delusions.2. The History Of Professional Bullshitting / PAFYAFFING (Pulling Advice From Your Ass(pirations) For FINancial Gain) If unexplainable things start happening around you.e. Better Solutions. and the one who could come up with the most Believable Story (BS) would be voted in as the leader. then somebody needs to start coming up with answers fast. In this BS would be written a set of guiding principles to live by. The History Of Professional Bullshitting / PAFYAFFING 2. like burning bushes. whether it’s from the field of business. plagues or climate change and there’s no CNN around with ‘distinctive journalism to bring clarity to confusion’. journalism or scriptwriting is still about being able to fill in the gaps between missing information. politics.com . This is when the first leaders appeared to explain all mysteries.logicalstupidity. or Better Suggestions… SONG 3 THE KIDS ARE WISING UP [LYRIX] THE KIDS ARE WISING UP THE GENERATION GAP IS GONE THERE’S NOT MUCH YOU CAN TELL THEM THEY KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON THE PARADIGM IS SHIFTING ROLES ARE REVERSING BOUNDARIES ARE CRUMBLING STEREOTYPES ARE SHATTERING © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 63 www. Really good leaders have always been elected and rewarded because of their ability to create and sell Believable Stories. Best Sellers. To this day the world is still run by IDIOTS: Institutions for Decisions Involving Organization & Temporary Solutions. Belief Systems. When their stories are no longer believable – i. psychology. They knew how to take advantage of the demand for explanations where there was nothing but confusion. Business Strategies and various other Bum Sucks collectively known as BS. Nothing has changed. Leadership. The leading thinkers would get together for a game of Balderdash.

Indeed ‘go shopping’ (the message to the American public directly after 9/11) would provide the solution to all kinds of world problems. In fact. like ‘go shopping’. began to sound delusional when it couldn’t account for the complexities of the modern world and the variety of moral dilemmas that resulted – e.com . the sacred text coming from The Argos Catalogue. not when you’re paying for other people to take care of the problem. to move with the times. it would be updated on a regular basis. With over 2400 products to choose from this really was created by divine inspiration – the major difference being that everything you read was true. it really does feel like you’re making a difference. Consumerism came to the rescue to offer Better Suggestions for living. How could it be okay to complain that your seared tuna steak was overdone when everyone’s starving in Africa? Something also needed to be done about the guilt. All thanks to the introduction of Carbon Offset or ASOWL tax – Altruistic Sense Of Wellbeing & Love TAX. Dr Phil. ‘Thou shalt not covet your neighbour’s wife’. the ASOWL tax system is the solution to all global problems… Buy the book to find out how! © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 64 www. Really? What if she’s hot and clearly asking for it and your own wife has lost interesting in coveting? And what if her husband was quite excited about watching you covet his wife? We clearly needed new leaders who could come up with answers to modern dilemmas – enter Oprah. The scriptures couldn’t compete with this kind of flexibility. but when you’re at an awareness-raising rock concert at Wembley.2. With ASOWL tax you no longer have to feel guilty about how much CO2 is coming from the exhaust pipe of your 4x4 or 747.g. Attending the synagogue of Sex and the City and listening to the powerful sermons from Carrie Bradshaw and her disciples really did move you deeply in your soul. And to make sure it stayed true. consumerism came up with the pay-as-you-go system.logicalstupidity. The campaign was simple: Throw money at the problem and you could make it go away and clear your conscience at the same time. mostly because it filled the spiritual gap previously filled by religion: the sensation of feeling more alive really did come from a new car or a new pair of shoes. But consumerism needed to go further than just spiritual upliftment. provided it was in stock. It also needed to deal with the guilt of being privileged in a world so full of poverty. Global warming? No problem – throw some tax at the problem and your conscience is clear. Jerry Springer and their disciples. While religion offered the pray-as-you-go system to hit the altruistic spot. a popular source of belief systems. Not that anyone can. The History Of Professional Bullshitting / PAFYAFFING Religion.

’ and VROOM! – ‘Pimp my Ride’ comes along. ‘I wish there were biscuits that could help me digest food. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code .com . TALKING TO YOU I’M JUST MAKING IT UP AS I GO ALONG SO I CAN TAKE YOU TO THE CATCHY PART OF MY SONG THAT GOES SOMETHING LIKE IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE PLAY ON I AGREE. ‘I wish I could do the same. ‘I wish I was free to follow my dreams and create the world I wanted. ‘I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair.Dreams 'n' Aspirations 3.logicalstupidity.g. ‘I wish I was younger. inspired in some way…’ I wish I could be SPARX 3: DESCRIBE THE SYMPTOMS OF THE PROBLEM THEN WISH IT AWAY SONG 4 WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE [LYRIX] I WISH I HAD SOMETHING TO SAY THAT WOULD MAKE YOU STOP AND THINK AND GO ‘WHAT? NO WAY!’ BUT I GOT NOTHING.3.’ and YOUTH! – ‘40 is the new 20’ becomes an advertising catchphrase.’ and POOF! – we have digestive biscuits. but I have nothing much to say. BUT NOT THE SAME OLD SONG CHANGE THE RHYTHM PLAY ME A WHOLE NEW MELODY LET ME DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO CHANGE IT ALL AROUND WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE I NEED A LITTLE BIT OF HEAVENLY INSPIRATION WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 65 www.’ and Internet Sensation on MYSPACE! – Sandy Thom has a massive hit.’ and FREEDOM! – ‘Just do it’ becomes a tagline. ‘I wish my crappy car was a sports car. ZIP HAVEN’T EVEN GOT A CLUE AS I’M THINKING. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code – Dreams 'n' Aspirations …and the creative applications – e.

Remember what you need to remember 4. Once you know your Dreams 'n' Aspirations.3. Use your SKIL: Specialised Knowledge of Intuitive Leadership • • How do you know what you know? What’s your idiot savant index? Geniuses and idiot savants have access to private information that makes them do certain things brilliantly and other things idiotically.Dreams 'n' Aspirations SPARX 4: JUMP TO A CONCLUSION BASED ON LITTLE EVIDENCE SPARX 5: WHAT’S THE BIG GLAMOROUS IDEA? D 'n' A makes you STUBID: Specially Talented from a Unique Blessing In Disguise. Why we’re like ants – we’re building some kind of anthill like we know what we need without a clue as to what we’re building. 7. Make connections that only you can see 3.com . So do the rest of us! We’re all special cases. Fantasize: • • SPARX 6: USE FLEXIGRAMS TO FANTASIZE How the human mind has unlimited thought capacity. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code . like how to: 1. Think fast 2. Run your life based on what you want to believe – not what people like you are supposed to believe 6.logicalstupidity. you’re awarded all kinds of special talents. What kind of exclusive information do you have access to and how can you use it? © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 66 www. Forget what you can happily forget 5.

which come from your ancient past. It’s pre-programmed by your D 'n' A – Dreams 'n' Aspirations. causing ART – Automatic Radical Thoughts.com . When your D 'n' A doesn’t happen for various reasons beyond your control.Dreams 'n' Aspirations Where does the fuel for innovation come from? Your wantasee is your own collection of ideas based entirely on the way you want to see things. which are DANGEROUS: Depressing Angry Non-Generic Exclusive Risky Outrageous Unique Sad. The battle between these two forces is what your internal struggle is all about. you become stressed out.logicalstupidity. essential for innovation. Cracking Your D 'n' A Code . The negative thoughts working against your positive D 'n' A creates a volatile fuel.3. and the only way to deal with it is to follow your wantasee: SONG 5 YOUR WANTASEE [LYRIX] IT'S AMAZING WHAT YOU FIND IN YOUR ANALYTICAL MIND THINGS THAT YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW DON'T NEED TO SEE AND DON'T YOU WISH THERE'D BE SOME MEDICINE THAT WOULD TAKE THE PAIN AWAY? WELL HELLO THERE IS IT'S YOUR WANTASEE THE WAY YOU WISH THAT THE WORLD COULD BE THAT'S YOUR WANTASEE THE WAY YOU REARRANGE REALITY SO MUCH MORE THAN A POINT OF VIEW IT’S THE WHOLE WORLD ACCORDING TO YOU Let’s get into the intricate details of how it all happens: © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 67 www.

4. In the thoughtmosphere you can’t stay on them for too long because they spiral to nowhere (even eternal bliss will get boring after a while). in which case they’ll go around in circles forever. self-help books. bad. conference titles or advice in general: Grow up and get real Settle down Save & invest Balance / moderation is the key to life Just do it It’s your fault You’re a worthless piece of crap in the cosmos Ignorance is bliss Go with the flow Think inside the paradox Be yourself That’s just the way it is Good things come to those who wait You can’t control the past or future so live for NOW Discover the child within Live it up Live like there’s no tomorrow Live fast. Opposite direction circular arguments connect everyone. the way you want to see things. movies. right or wrong. but no matter how original it is. They’re not good.Circle & Destination 4. The Two Trains of Thought – Circle & Destination Our thoughtmosphere is mapped out like The London underground – there are circular arguments that spiral to nowhere but are useful for transport to destination arguments. called a SCLITMOH: Sources Conveniently Lost In The Mist Of History… These are the arguments and assumptions learned by OSKNOWSIS that are so old it’s impossible to trace the source.com . advertising campaigns. Just like the circular train lines (or the North Circular / M25) they carry passengers in opposite directions and nobody travels for more than a half circle before exiting for their destination. The Two Trains of Thought . it has to come from another train travelling on a circular line of thought. die young Just get someone else to do it / Delegate! It’s not your fault You’re the centre of the universe Information is everything Stand up for what you believe Think outside the box Be somebody else It doesn’t have to be this way Get what you want NOW! But you gotta want it! It’s not about NOW – it’s about the future! These are just some of the circular arguments you would have to use as transport to your exit that leads to a destination of your choice. unless they don’t know how the system works. which means they’re only useful for transport to wantasee or for ‘finding yourself’ trains of thought that take you to ‘innovation’ destinations. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 68 www. which is why they make up the basic plots of horoscopes.logicalstupidity. These are the trains that lead to innovation… A wantasee is your own train of thought. They’re simply ‘common thread’ arguments that connect minds through ‘common knowledge’. But what’s different about the thoughtmosphere is that it’s multidimensional – at any point you’re free to hop on your own train of thought to take you to a place nobody’s ever been before – your wantasee.

Mental GPS .logicalstupidity. calculated guessing. It’s this combination of logic and stupidity that makes thought navigation possible. To break through knowledge barriers. you@whereverUR. but inspired by professional bullshitting – creative non-fiction. Learn to use it and you’ll get swept away on a current of creativity. If not then skip to the next chapter and wait for the rest of us there.com . If you’re insane enough to follow me on this inventure.answers to BIG QUESTIONS: • How do we ‘get ideas’? • How do thoughts travel? • How do they collide to form ideas? • How do thoughts become atoms? • How does simultaneous thought happen between people in different parts of the thoughtmosphere? • How coincidental are coincidences? • Is there a limit to what we can think? • How exactly is the flow of information in our thoughtmosphere related to the mysterious forces running our luniverse? • What happens when information from the past connects with information from the future – via you? • Just how close is insanity to genius and what happens if we erase the line? • Who or what keeps sending me messages and why to me? I know that the events of my dreams and the real world are the courier service but who’s the sender? Who’s providing the script for our dreams and the stimulus for our ART (Automatic Radical Thoughts)? From: thestimulus@luniverse. then go back and read the warning on Page 12 and let's go: © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 69 www. I’ve organised such a party and if you’re brave and stupid enough you’re welcome to come along. For those interested.com Subject: The answer to your question Date: NOW How am I going to answer all these questions? By making up answers that are based on reality. Coming up . Mental GPS – Follow Your Fascination Mental GPS works by following your fascination.com CC: god@metaphysicalworld.com.com To: petergreenwall@physicalworld.5.Follow Your Fascination 5. it’s vital that we send reconnaissance parties of travel writers into dangerous unknown metaphysical territory to gather vital combat intelligence. fantasy theories. pseudo science.

The ones who didn’t love it quit because they’re sane. Those who are successful love what they did so they persevered.com .Paul Moller. everybody questions your sanity’ . who’s still trying to invent the VTOL personal sky car after 40 years. The kind caused by obsessive passionfollowing. Mental GPS .logicalstupidity. The kind that Steve Jobs spoke about at the D5 conference with Bill Gates (31/5/07): ‘What we do is so hard that any rational person would give up.Follow Your Fascination SPARX 8: CHECK YOUR INSANITY QUOTIENT – YOU MIGHT BE A GENIUS ‘If you're the only guy out there doing something. This is the kind of ‘insanity’ I’m talking about. Who would want to put up with this stuff if you don’t love it?’ SONG 31 WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY? [LYRIX] LOVING YOUR LIFE IS ALL YOU NEED FOR SURVIVING… SPARX 9: ERASE THE LINE BETWEEN GENIUS & INSANITY – USING GOOGLEDASH © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 70 www.5.

who exactly am I talking to as I write this? There’s nobody here and yet I’m talking to someone. instant messaging from myspace and other social networking sites. because this Voice Over you’re listening to wasn’t around when I wrote this. ‘satellite navigation’.5.. Mental GPS .scientists.] Why is it okay for kids to talk out loud to imaginary friends. these conversations could have carried on for years before they came up with things like ‘I think.logicalstupidity. And what’s more.a conversation booth in Starbucks. So there’s definitely an internal stimulus providing the entertainment. philosophers. talking loudly on a Bluetooth headset. ‘gravity’. therefore I am’. ‘telephone’. All of you disorders can discuss this amongst yourselves and I’ll just take notes. but not adults? What does it mean to have ‘a healthy imagination’? What are we supposed to be thinking about? And why can’t we always control what we think about? Even more importantly . ‘beer in a can’. using his hands and getting worked up.. so it's based on a true story: The scene . clearly lost in a moment of imagination. scriptwriters = inventors of any kind must have had dialogues with the metaphysical (metalogues) before revealing any of their discoveries. How long did they keep silent about these discoveries before talking about them? Who was Einstein talking to when he first came up with E = mc2? Is the only difference between genius and insanity a matter of decibels? [Cut to a shot of someone sitting alone. YOU! Whose thoughts are these that I find so entertaining? If they’re mine. VO: All creators . how do you know who’s insane and who’s on the phone? [Cut to a shot of people on laptops. How’s that? © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 71 www. then transcribe the conversation. A Voice Over reads my thoughts as I write them.com . ‘sliced bread’. (But get a Bluetooth headset if you’re going to talk out loud in public places. but not to the imaginary characters you create for your movie script.) MMovies dilog MoviePitch ‘Voices’ Sketch title: Dysfunctional Inspiration -‘My dysfunction wants 20%’ The script for this movie is a direct transcription from my internal dialogue that just happened a few seconds ago. I’m writing on my laptop and other people in my booth are doing the same. ‘big bang’.Follow Your Fascination SPARX 10: MONITOR YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE ☺ Talk to your imaginary friends / dysfunctions. Who’s there? Yes. ‘bread with the crust taken off’.] With Bluetooth earpieces getting smaller. then is this a form of narcissistic personality disorder? Could I be schizophrenic? Or is it just regular multiple personality disorder? I tell you what. ‘atoms’. cartoon or painting? [Cut to a shot of a child speaking to her doll. was it? And nor were you.] What makes it okay to talk to your imaginary friends on myspace.

I say NO NO That’s it. Remember what happened last I’ll just keep Not funny. because I will you know. Where do think this whole book comes from? D1: But I didn’t say you could! ME: I don’t need your permission. Did you hear that? That was me laughing. ME: Yes. The What are we talking here? ME: Fuck that! standard is 10. Thank you. Would you rather I took you lot to therapy.to inspire and entertain me. so let's not go there.sorry. You’re nothing without us. In fact I’ve been taking notes since we started. no therapy. My whole family says I should go. D1 & D3 together: D1: I was just going to say that we don’t care what you write about because. please! time. every word. do you? disorders are a big joke. we’re going to therapy. as my dysfunctions you’re my muse. Mental GPS . D2: Oh you think this is funny. don’t you? You think all your ME (laughing): Well actually....Follow Your Fascination [At this point the people sitting in my conversation booth become my various dysfunctions (D1. Hey. go ahead. that was my idea! No it wasn’t. What do you mean 'whatever'? We don’t care what you.] D1: D2: D3: D2: Brilliant. What do you say? D1: ME: Yeah whatever. And we’ll work together to write a book about innovation. No personality disorder ever got 20%.5. yes I do. which is why we want commission. Are you getting this? D1 (to me): ME: Absolutely. ME: They tried to make me go to therapy. D4 (sings): NO. ME: D3: Commission? 20%. and I have it out with them. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 72 www. I thought of it first. entertaining all my thoughts. That’s how I know it’s funny. either way.logicalstupidity. That’s your job .D4). just as you do. you guys. D4: You mean us.and you’ll carry on entertaining me. D3: No No NO. we’re going to be involved. ME: Exactly..com .

. ME: Okay. 15%. ME: Murderers? You mean you might make me do a Cho Seung Hui just so I can express myself? D3: Actually.] Real person: Me: Excuse me? Did you ask me something? Uhm. I don’t do those anymore. Well just how many disorders have I got? D2: Everything that’s known about. Why did you do that? What were you thinking? You don’t think there’s enough of us? ME: I needed more inspiration. how do I know he won’t come back? guys won’t go nasty on me? D1: Oh we definitely will if you don’t make us famous. sick bastard. D1: 20% or we all shut the fuck up and you’ll have nothing to feed off. you twat. And who do you think gave him that idea? His MPD! The entire film industry. How do I know you ME: Well.. the cinematography.5. Okay look. [All the dysfunctions turn back into real people. That’s just for the producer. D4: And who do you think is directing the movie of your mind? Huh? Who do you think came up with the whole dysfunctional idea in the first place? ME: D2: me! ME: D3: ME: I thought I got that from Larry David.you’ve got ‘em all.. no. reading and sitting at their laptops.logicalstupidity. murderers.. ME: D4: Who’s Freddy? We fired him. no more. scientists. You should see my resume . © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 73 www. Where’s Freddy? Creative differences. and not just scriptwriters either.Follow Your Fascination D4: ME: There’s loads of us to feed here. What? Huh? That was Well just how many people are you working for here? D3: I have loads of clients.. the director.I’ve worked for religion writers. my friend. Mental GPS . That would be Freddy.. D2: Plus a credit in the book and freeze frames on the rolling titles when it’s made into a movie. Plus at least another 10 you invented yourself. philosophers. I didn’t say anything. He was responsible for that one. okay. ME: No freeze frames.com . 20%.

now you’re starting to scare me. all our best takes getting cut. Mental GPS .5. like ‘BASED ON IDEAS BY PETER GREENWALL’S MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER’.com . okay! Hey. ME: Why? You’re like the best friends I ever had. Every time you hear yourself saying something like ‘this is doing my head in’ or ‘I can’t cope’. did you know that? D4: Of course we knew that. never being acknowledged. We want to live forever in books and movies. ME: No way! That’s just embarrassing. did I mention that I love you guys? Thanks to you I can fill a whole book without doing any research or talking to any real people. You need real friends. etc. Who are they? D2: I want mine big. You can’t live your whole life with us. D1: Okay. I’m not doing that. and a family of your own. and I’m your dysfunction. We’re not your Now see.. We’re tired of working the backroom of your mind. lots of it. that back and forth with my dysfunctions you just witnessed didn’t just happen overnight. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 74 www. not me.Follow Your Fascination D3: We want fame. you seriously need to get a life. People are starting to talk. family. which is when you have it out with your ‘people’. Get a life! ME: But you guys piss me off just like a real girlfriend and a real family! D2: Dude. Isn’t it enough that I mention you all in the book? Like in the ‘acknowledgements’ section? How about I just transcribe this conversation and that way people will know it’s you doing all the thinking. and now you can do it too. It took years to figure out how to use my internal dialogue as a stimulus for creation. is really a time you should be saying ‘we need to talk’. But you should still get a girlfriend. I’ll give you a list. I’ll give you freeze frame credits. and we want freeze frame credits. D3: Freeze frames or we go on strike! ME: Okay. ‘I’m heading for a breakdown’.logicalstupidity. and then transcribe it like I just did. ME: D4: Okay.

kitchen tiles and all other man-made wonders of the world? I feel a movie coming on. philosophy. television.com . would we have missed out on religion. So where’s the movie in this misalignment? Here it is… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 75 www. feng shui.Follow Your Fascination Issues = misalignment = innovation opportunity ☺ The internal dialogue is the source of all questions. Mental GPS . but nobody’s brave enough to admit it? This is where R&D therapy comes in to help – you get to answer all your rhetorical questions yourself by setting your confusion to music. triggered by the following contradiction: if anybody today claims they’re being spoken to by God. like: are these voices you just heard normal or are they the ones that make you certifiable? How different are they to the ones that give instructions to humans to kill their fellow humans. tennis. or to create religions and scientific discoveries? If shrinks were around to send the first inventors to loony bins.5. science. they’d be considered to have serious psychological problems. so how did Moses & Co get away with it? What’s the difference between now and then? Why can’t I claim that my book of creation was inspired by the word of God? Why is nobody updating the Bible with more additional words from God? Why has the cat got God’s tongue all of a sudden? Or is He talking to many. products and movies.logicalstupidity.

Think Bruce & Evan Almighty. prophet Mohammed is off limits for this project. except for one colossal error: He forgot to install a belief system in mankind that would maintain peace and harmony between all His creations. South Park. but not by much. mostly. NOTES: Be very careful which questions you choose and how you frame them.com . seen that ‘it was good’. One of the prophets. psychiatrist. and seeks professional help to deal with his issues with God. creating your own subheading under the title of ‘[name of messenger] in therapy’. Simpsons. Choose any prophet and text you like. psychic healer or whichever counselling method you know most about. This is where we pick up the action: Put the writers of religions in therapy and have them battle through their issues with their psychologist. Jerry Springer (‘God talks to me’). psychoanalyst. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 76 www. Whatever field of therapy you choose. Remember that your ‘fiction’ disclaimer will protect you! Now get creative and upload your version. he opens a dialogue with a few chosen prophets to see who could be trusted to spread His word around. Mental GPS . assume that it was just as advanced back then as it is now. the selection is narrowed down to a final cut of 12. Also assume that smoking cannabis was the most popular recreational activity at the time. Always bear in mind that it’s a fine line between curiosity. is not happy with what he’s been asked to do.God has recently completed the universe. Also note that you’ll be slightly safer questioning your own Belief System than the BS of others.logicalstupidity. because you’re going to ask the questions. comedy and blasphemy. Dr Phil. After an intensive interviewing process involving IQ tests and the ability to slaughter animals. diagnosing. treating and rehabilitating various kinds of mental illness – it’s all up to you to cure your patient by explaining what the voices are and how they should be interpreted. Life of Brian or any of your favourite authors who have put religion on trial without a Salmon Rushdie ordeal. Moses. We’re all dying to see your take. Now start questioning.5. In the interest of global safety and security. assessing.Follow Your Fascination MMovies dilog MoviePitch Moses in Therapy The scene . Figuring the best way to install the belief system would be by word of mouth. thereby changing the course of history in the process.

The chicken crossed the road. voting on X-factor & Big Brother.e. facebook. We like stories. not historical accuracy. Am I right? Sure I am. Guessedge .g. youtube. which is why it has sneaky ways of getting you to express yourself via these three desires. Only once your guessedge is validated. Why? Because being interesting is more important than being accurate. Why? Because guessedge is more exciting than knowledge. We like social networking – e. Why? Because subjectivity runs the universe: Only one person can break things down and see connections like you can. The universe somehow knows this. Guessedge – Knowledge In Progress How the universe runs on subjectivity . Nothing beats genuine self-help. quiz shows. gambling.i. Why? Because we’re after hysterical accuracy. Why do we bother to make or say anything at all? Where does the desire of self-expression come from? All can be explained by way of the three desires of guessedge or self-expression: 1) To figure things out on our own. myspace. So how much are your opinions worth? Guessedge explains why: Adam took a bite of the apple. 3) To be right / accepted.Knowledge In Progress 6. We like interactive media – news opinion polls.6.com . which is why we discuss them in detail. and there’s usually a pay cheque involved. The only way to turn guessedge into knowledge is to throw it up and watch it fly: SONG 6 THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY [LYRIX] IT’S A HIT OR A FLOP OR IT’S OVER THE TOP OR IT SUCKS AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHY IS IT HIP IS IT HOT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT UNTIL YOU THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 77 www. can it become knowledge.logicalstupidity. We don’t like manuals or asking for directions. The most popular books of all time (such as The Bible or the Ikea catalogue) don’t have bibliographies. your personal BIAS: Belief In A Solution. brainteasers. Now pay me. 2) To express that thing to someone.

find all the scenes that you cut. The Movie of Your Mind 7. The Movie of Your Mind What’s showing on yours and how are you directing it? ART – Automatic Radical Thoughts – comes from having serious creative differences with ‘the big producer in the sky’ but you can’t walk off the set. would you tell them that to their face? c) Celebrity Role Reversal – you need to be an actual celebrity for this one. b) Celebrity Chicken – yes. and put them put them back together so you can write your best material. you have celebs who irritate the @£$% out of you. and this is what the internal struggle is all about. what we’re going to do is get inside the editing room of your mind.com . offensive. too embarrassing.7. not PC or you’d get arrested or killed. though feel free to substitute a celeb of your choice. and then to make it worse I start repeating myself. But faced with a real live encounter. So what happens? All the really dramatic and funny thoughts get cut and all the polite bullshit comes out instead. 15 Movies of My Mind – how would you direct them? 1) Explode your overload on people who freak you out Three movies you’re going to direct in order to explode your overload: a) Explode your overload – this is a general freak-out at someone for a specific reason.) MMovies shtix dilog 2) Motivational speaker hell If I start saying things that don’t make sense.logicalstupidity. what are you going to do? MMovies 3) Life-threatening situations: The DuMBLBIT Dilemma: ‘Does My Bum Look Big In This?’ The solution © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 78 www. The script you’re given is hysterical or highly dramatic but you can’t act it out because it would be frowned upon. So. MMovies dilog ‘Do I know you?’ (The Paul McCartney sketch.

] ‘Listen up. which makes it difficult to hook up with anyone.what’s your angle of approach? MMovies dilog shtix 6) Isn’t she just edible? (picking up yummy mums 1a) MMovies dilog shtix 7) The Gatecrasher The problem with gate crashing a party is that you don’t know who’s attached to who. thanks for your time. but if that doesn’t work. exciting’. So to save us all time.’ Not going to happen..7. so you... is it? Meshugganah movies like these have to get cut from real life and redirected to Wedding Crasher / Dumb & Dumber type movies. No not you. I came here looking to hook up with someone.logicalstupidity. which automatically makes me the mysterious guy. people. MMovies viz dilog shtix 5) The Swedish Aupair .the girl behind you. so you have to fire off loads of questions and fake interest in answers until you hear something like ‘yeah I was just telling my boyfriend that. Excellent. who of you lovely ladies are single? I said lovely ladies...’ which would be your cue to get a drink at the bar.don’t move. Just do it! © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 79 www... by show of hands. carry on socialising. Yes you. you and you can put your hands down. I have an announcement: I gate-crashed this party. energy and embarrassment.) This is your chance to shoot it your way. Now if you could all hold that pose while I take a picture for future reference. [Click.could put your hand down please. (Possibly even ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ if George Costanza made a guest appearance.like tonight. you’re okay.com . The Movie of Your Mind The porno movie of your mind (male director): 5 sketches: Mmovies viz dilog shtix 4) Honesty is the key to a good relationship.... You can’t go around asking people if they’re single.] Terrific. as in ‘ooh someone that’s not from the crowd you know. It would be so much easier if you could just make a short speech: [Tapping on glass. possibly even take things further if things work out... Now here’s the deal.

The Movie of Your Mind MMovies dilog 8) Unzip Me – The porno movie of her mind (for female directors) SONG 7 UNZIP ME [LYRIX] YOU WANNA WHAT ME? DID I HEAR YOU CORRECTLY? DON’T LET YOUR MOUTH WRITE CHEQUES THAT YOUR BODY CANNOT CASH RATHER GIVE ME YOUR CREDIT CARD COS THAT’S ALWAYS HARD WHEN I NEED IT TO BE AND I’M NOT IN THE MOOD TONIGHT FOR YOUR TESTOSTERONE MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARING ON ME SO UNZIP ME BABY SET ME FREE LET ME SHOW YOU ROUND MY BODY YOU’RE GOING DOWN YOU’RE GOING DOWN ON ME X2 BABY LET ME WRAP MY LEGS AROUND YOU LEMME FEEL YOUR BODY ROCK TILL YOU HEAR ME SCREAM GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME X 2 UNZIP ME BABY SET ME FREE VIVA LA BEAVER FEVER YOU’RE GOING DOWN ON ME UNZIP ME BABY … YOU’RE GOING DOWN ON ME MMovies viz 9) The wave and run – how to avoid stop & chats © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 80 www.logicalstupidity.com .7.

a comedy based on the universal theme of grandmothers who create havoc in families when they come to stay. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 81 www. So here I am buying things that I know they don’t like. how about we all stop making suggestions and you just double our salaries?’ So it appears there are some ideas that are too ridiculous the really good ones . You’ll find your best ideas in conversations that explore the absurd. and you?’ Bullshit. and that they eat badly. or if they do come out it’s around the water cooler. but seriously.the stuff that’s too hot for release. I’m not having such a good day. the leader of the brainstorm session will eventually say: ‘Come on guys. THEY’RE ALL GOING TO DIE! ‘Granny you killed the kids. Like this one: ‘Since every suggestion we come up with only means more work for the same salary...com . The movie of your mind started in drama and ended in a real movie. MoviePitch: Granny you killed the kids. telling me I don’t know how to discipline my children properly. but seriously’.7. celery. You’re far from good.’ SPARX 12: WATCH OUT FOR THE PHRASE ‘NO. and giving me advice on how to run my life.logicalstupidity. ‘jokes aside’ and ‘you can’t possibly do that’. no idea is too ridiculous. leeks. The Movie of Your Mind MMovies shtix dilog 10) How are you doing? What if you were to answer the checkout person properly? ‘I’m good thanks. Let's take a look at what’s going on with you: Well actually you know. and they make everyone laugh. I mean look at these things – carrots.’ Are you happy now? And just like that. the Ten Commandments MMovies shtix 12) Winning the lottery (in your mind) 13) Brainstorming – why some ideas are too ridiculous It’s inevitable. All because you unloaded your ART instead of suppressing it all with: ‘I’m good thanks’. I have my mother-in-law staying with me. right up until someone says: ‘No. BUT SERIOUSLY…’ Start monitoring all conversations that end with ‘no. 11) Your principles vs. making me buy all these things that I wouldn’t normally buy.’ What happens? You think of ideas so ridiculous you’d get fired if you suggested them. you’ve created the parody title of a new movie.

That makes me either highly creative or a pathological nutcase. 2) Our interpretation of the script will always make us do stupid things. The Movie of Your Mind Shtix 14) Laughter – the cause of The Big Bang SPARX 13: MONITOR KEY MOMENTS OF LAUGHTER Shtix Just4Jews 15) The Day of Atonement – more evidence that stupidity is beyond our control Just because we seem to be able to direct the movie of our mind.com . with others who are just as guilty of doing stupid things like you. doesn’t mean we’re any good at it. i. That in itself is the cause of more internal struggle: how can I apologise like I mean it when I know I’m coming back the following year to apologise for exactly the same mistakes? How can I expect God to take me seriously when I’m back for the 28th time? (Pre bar mitzvah doesn’t count.it must done at an official gathering in synagogue. What the hell is wrong with me? In any other court of law I’d be locked away forever on my 3rd offence! Nevertheless. and to openly admit that: 1) We are not producing the movie of the mind . 3) We can’t be trusted to apologise on our own . We still make huge embarrassing mistakes that will have to be accounted and apologised for at some point.7. As far as my religion goes.they’re the guys punching their chest the hardest in the Al Chayt section.) Every year I manage to find a new way to break every rule in the book. It’s this wackiness that you need to focus on as it reveals your STUBID.e. when we ask for forgiveness for exactly the same mistakes we make every year .logicalstupidity. atonement. or else it won’t count.we’re clearly having Automatic Radical Thoughts.apparently we just don’t learn. In fact. which needs to come out. (You can tell who’s done the stupidest things .) That’s how seriously out of whack we are. the opportunity comes in the form of Yom Kippur or Day of Atonement. stupidity is so out of control that all religions have a way of dealing with it: everything can be rectified by confession and asking for forgiveness. Yom Kippur is very good for creative therapy. because at least once a year you’re forced to reflect on exactly how stupid you’ve been. How do we do that? © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 82 www.

That boss was never his and what’s more. We have no idea why multiple layers of humour translate into every culture across the globe. I’m just kidding with you’ is called ‘the artist disclaimer’. destroy all cultural barriers and expose all kinds of stupidity in yourself and others. Barras say it for you. say or see something embarrassing. who can now expose the truth through the genre of ‘fiction’ simply by giving fictional names to real characters from the artist’s life. But if you want to become a professional bullshitter you’re going to need to define your characters. write it down and let M. This logically stupid device is the ultimate way to expose contradictions. What kind of stupidity? Xenophobia. since it allows you to tell the truth. homophobia. LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE Disclaimer: The fictional characters in the Simpsons do not represent the stereotype of every group or culture in America or the rest of the world. speak in a strange voice or put on a foreign accent.logicalstupidity. Barass'.com . the boss from ‘The Office’ or a ‘Dilbert’ to express your frustrations at work. Lou & Andy.7. sexism. he’s never met any of those colleagues before. your disclaimer will always protect you! (terms & conditions apply) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 83 www. You see it at the end of movies or sitcoms and usually it goes something like this: ‘any correlation between this movie and reality is purely coincidental’. That means you’re going to need an Ali G. okay? LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE Disclaimer: Zapiro’s cartoons are not related to real events in South Africa. see the funny side of everything. If you’re a comic genius like Sacha Baron Cohen you can do it all in 3 characters: Borat. But these are all taken. LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE The artist disclaimer is therefore a very important lie. Anything that turns out to be true is purely coincidental. so make up your own! You could start by calling your character 'M. racism. Whatever character you choose. Examples: Disclaimer: Scott Adams has no connection to the character of Dilbert. Now every time you do. whateverism within your belief system or others. It’s just a cartoon. Ali G & Bruno. Vicky Pollard. so you don’t have to embarrass yourself. The artist disclaimer is also the most effective way to release your alter ego or sub personality. The Movie of Your Mind RELEASING THE MOVIE OF YOUR MIND: your disclaimer will set you free THE ARTIST & BUSINESS DISCLAIMER – The lie that protects you shtix 1) THE ARTIST DISCLAIMER The formal version of ‘relax. You do it naturally every time you role-play. LIE LAH LIE LIE LIE Disclaimer: ‘Logical Stupidity’ is a fictitious comedy musical. This lie has been designed to protect the artist.

WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY YOU KNOW IT’S A RUSE SO MANY LIES AND THEN YOU BECOME THE VERY THING THAT YOU DESPISE / ADMIRE DON’T YOU THINK WE LOOK RIDICULOUS DOING WHAT WE DO OH BUT WE’RE SERIOUS ABOUT REVENUE WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 84 www. You may also not use a webcam to show your willy to anyone. The Movie of Your Mind 2) THE BUSINESS DISCLAIMER shtix The business disclaimer comes in the form of Terms & Conditions (T&C) and has a dual purpose: 1) To make your product ‘kosher’.logicalstupidity. For example: The use of Yahoo groups to trade naked pictures of yourself or your exgirlfriend is strictly forbidden.7.com . Knowing that your disclaimer will always protect you. gives you the freedom to sing: ADDsong from WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE. 2) To give your customers ideas they would never have thought of had they not read your disclaimer or warning.

When you can’t phone a friend and you can’t look it up on Google. but you’re having trouble. because: • You have a few mysterious parts or missing parts or you’ve already used the parts for something else. doing paint-by-numbers but you don’t have all the colours. be aware that you’re doing it already – every time you’re forced to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. • The manual is just not right. You can never learn from mistakes. trying to follow a recipe but you don’t have all the ingredients. or there’s traffic. The Movie of Your Mind SPARX 15: YOU GOTTA GET GOOD @ GUESSEDGE ADDsong GOT TO GET GOOD AT GUESSING Before we get going on how to get good at guessing. • You’re just a little bit stupid. Now that you know you’re doing it already.7. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 85 www. here are 4 warm up exercises to prepare for the ProBull League: Professional Bullshitting League. because each mistake you make is unique. trying to assemble an Ikea flat-pack. With all situations like this.com . you’re forced to use guessedge. For example: You’re You’re You’re You’re trying to follow directions but you can’t read your writing.logicalstupidity. you’re going to have to go with an informed guess. otherwise known as PIFYAFFING: Pulling Ideas From Your Aspirations For FINancial Gain.

Constructed in 1999 under the code name ‘London Eye’. not only to promote a healthier London but also to solve the congestion problem.. etc.7. choosing various other big beautiful round things to celebrate their freedom day balloons.any story you can make up that your tourist would never know the difference. then a massive round plate of food would do the job. Or play tour guide to a visitor/new recruit of your office/house . And if they couldn’t find anything. stadiums.] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 86 www. PiX: London Eye with caption: ‘London’s Big Bicycle Wheel’. a big beautiful woman who got tired of feeling guilty about not cycling to work. and if neither were visible because they were inside.. On the 31st of January 2003. It didn’t take long for BBW to become the international symbol for not having to cycle anywhere.. They understand English but they know nothing about London or British Culture. decided to blow it up.. Sally Newyear. With a wild imagination like yours there’s no possible way you could play it straight.. globes. it was designed to encourage more cyclists to commute.and on our left. and if there was no sun then the moon.logicalstupidity. across the Zambezi river. is the Big Bicycle Wheel. You probably haven’t heard of this because BBW is not that big in Japan. where they get together with their families for picnics in parks that have views of the Big Bicycle Wheel. but her plot was foiled and to this day we celebrate New Years Eve with a fireworks display over the Big Bicycle Wheel.com . Other cities soon followed the example. ..feel free to play tour guide with any tourist attractions wherever you live. [Director notes . because the wheel doesn’t go anywhere either. The Movie of Your Mind MMovies shtix dilog SPARX 16: PLAY TOUR GUIDE Imagine you’re an actor working a part-time job as a tour guide for a London sightseeing company. Off you go. then the sun would do just fine. This is why Big Beautiful Women in London don't celebrate New Years Eve but BBW day the next day. catering exclusively for Japanese tourists.

At your local modern art gallery. an air conditioner. The Movie of Your Mind MMovies shtix dilog SPARX 17: PLAY INTERPREATION (CREATIVE INTERPRETATION) Also known as ‘what is it?’ or ‘what the F£$%^ does the artist mean by this?’ PiX/Cartoon: A finger painting signed ‘Van Gogh – adult’. pile of stacked chairs. as you stare at each object. [MMovies: ‘anything is art’] The aim of this exercise is to prove that Marcell Duchamp was right . a viewing bench. If you’re not into the added adrenalin rush of possibly getting caught. Write your new interpretation on an A4 sheet and stick it over a portable sign. then you’ve just created a job for yourself as a tour guide of any art gallery. then Japanese tourists. ‘Fully clothed people descending an escalator’.logicalstupidity. Instead of reading the inscription at the bottom explaining exactly what technique and inspiration the artist used. think up a new name. e.g. broom closet. you can sing this reggae song: ADDsong .7.com . then well done that’s good guessedge! If you feel confident you could pull it off in front of people without cracking yourself up. start practising on American tourists. If yours are way more interesting. Try to engage in conversation with curious onlookers. which you must now place next to your art installation. emergency exit door. Try to avoid being seen by the security guards as you do this.g. as an art or filmmaking student. see if you can gather a crowd around you just by staring at ordinary objects in a most contemplative manner. WHAT IS IT? X 2 WHO’S THAT? WHAT’S THAT? WHAT’S THAT WHO? WHATEVER DOES IT LOOK LIKE TO YOU? Then read the inscription or take the tour and compare your answers.anything is art. Go to a modern art gallery. Capture all the interviews on video. and eventually work your way up to the European and English. then arrange consent for the entire shoot. etc. Tell them you’re the artist and ask them what they think of your new work. make up your own. then move on to little children.REGGAE GROOVE WHAT IS IT PUPPYDOG. but try to avoid groups of art students. e. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 87 www. Now. Watch in amazement as crowds begin to gather. PiX/Cartoon: A Dali painting signed ‘Dali – sane person’. To build up your confidence. an escalator. To help you do that.

6) Translate any situation where communication is clearly going on but you have no idea what’s being said.com .e. but stick to a similar theme so it’s clear that you’re working on the ‘anything is art’ sketch. 3) Film animals in a zoo and translate what they’re saying to each other. MMovies SPARX 18: PLAY ‘FOUND IN TRANSLATION’ Get yourself into an interpreting situation.g.com where it becomes eligible for the main movie. ‘Your name’. Once you’re done. ‘Dr/ professor/expert of Interpreation. and persuade a few kids to go pee on it. 5) Sabotage the rolling scroll bar that shows the subtitles at a live Italian Opera.logicalstupidity.e. trees. The Movie of Your Mind If you find it difficult to get permission.7. then whoever you are you’re an expert in your field. When you’re politely asked to leave then start relabelling objects of nature . and your inserted title should reflect that . 2) Translate what technical help desk personnel are trying to tell you. 4) Film people socializing at a cocktail party. These are just guidelines for creating new life by redefining old life. post it on www. Institute of Logical Stupidity. Ask curious onlookers what you think ‘the artist formerly known as God’ was trying to communicate when she designed these various artworks running around with labels on them.g. then you can still make your point by labelling ordinary objects outside the gallery . like ‘La Traviata’ and insert your own hysterical English translations. For example: 1) Write your own subtitles for foreign films or operas. Other things to note for your movie: If you’re not going to take on the role of the artist when talking to camera.g.e. Get loads of reaction shots from the audience.logicalstupidity. Just do it! shtix © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 88 www. squirrels. You’re free to make up your title or field of expertise. plants. Now pretend you’re an expert lip reader and translate their dialogue. if there’s a fountain outside you could call it ‘The Urinal’.

g.by continuously testing my ability to predict outcomes I can make accurate judgement calls. Management will just want to know the names of everyone involved so they can blame someone when the whole thing goes tits up. and the object is to get good at predicting outcomes. I’m going to need an operation on my knee. so you’re only fooling yourself. we won’t know. but you will. The Movie of Your Mind MMovies shtix dilog SPARX 19: PLAY PREDICTABLE (‘BEAUTIFULLY TYPICAL’) Do you ever push people’s buttons just to see them react the way you expect them to react? Do you ever wonder why you ask people questions when you know what their answers will be? Hey. Try to capture the answer on tape just to see how close you were. me too! This is the way I enjoy learning . at least make it look like you can. And that’s keeping it general! Now try predicting the answers of people you know. Let’s say you have a production meeting coming up for the early stages of a new project. we have to talk to the rabbi’. Lawyers will say they want to take a closer look at it. e. more or less. for the gay question: ‘well we need to bring in the authorities.logicalstupidity. You know it’s going to involve brainstorming. That menu is called ‘hindsight’. Or similar words to that effect. Start with easy questions and then move on to a few curve balls that you can safely predict answers to. mostly because he doesn’t have to do anything. ‘mom. What you need is to take glucosamine sulphate tablets for your joints and not play so much tennis. I think I might be gay.7. and for the operation question the answer is likely to be: ‘if I had listened to doctors I would have had a hundred operations by now. so if you can’t make predictions.e. but what else can you safely predict? The visionary (usually the boss) will say something like ‘anything’s possible’.g. Before asking the question. Finance will say ‘no’ because it’s out of the budget. but for the wrong reason: you do know. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 89 www. what you’re going to get if you just read the menu under the lid of the box where each chocolate is explained in great detail. But as your audience. just letting you know’. tell the camera what you think the answer is likely to be . How will we know if you’ve staged it? We won’t.com . Turns out Forest Gump was right about life being like a box of chocolates. You’re not 20 anymore. Take it easier’. what are we going to do about it?’ or ‘mom.

Once you’ve learned to figure out answers before you’ve even asked your question. Keep monitoring predictions vs.com . and if it’s not then they’ll argue the facts. when he exposes the contradictions of an eyewitness.logicalstupidity. ADDsong version] YOU’RE GETTING GOOD AT GUESSING [soundbite song 5. The Movie of Your Mind Once you start getting the easy ones right. but choose slightly more appropriate questions.g. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 90 www.7. we’re ready to start observing new things into existence. outcomes and eventually you’ll figure out your opponent’s argument before they do. alternate Right then. if the law is on their side they’ll argue the law. i.e. that’s when you’ve mastered the art of good guessedge! This is where you experience the same joy an attorney must feel on a successful cross-examination. you’re ready to move on to people you don’t know that well.e. which is the object of the exercise. This system is used by lawyers who need to predict their opposition’s line of attack . My prediction is that eventually you’ll stop getting annoyed with predictable answers and start loving your ability to predict the future.

How does it work? Same as age progression software used to find missing children and fugitives – i. Introducing: FutureFoto™ .Turning Jokes into Products 8. Check this out: PiX: Merging of any two photos to give a predicted photo of what offspring will look like.what your Internet date will actually look like produx: Age progression software for dating sites PiX/grafix/logo: ‘FF’ to be inserted inside the ‘fast forward’ icon FF is the essential software for all dating sites. and this chapter to know the difference.6% accuracy. Observational Innovation – Turning Jokes into Products How to turn punch lines into taglines: Use your sense of humour to accept the things you cannot change. It works out the average of all photos and then adds on 5 years to give a forecast photo of what you can expect.logicalstupidity. it’s the same software used for a different purpose with a few additional features. but that increases to 98% accuracy if mother and father-in-law photos are supplied.g.com . THE ‘EASILY AMUSED’ FORMULA FOR INNOVATION: Explore the funny side of everything convert the punch line into a product take note of what you laugh at the most laugh all the way to the bank With observational humour.e. have you tried dating online? Ever notice how all 3 pictures of your fantasy partner look nothing like the one you meet? That’s your OOPS: Observation Of Pure Stupidity – i. the comedy comes from reflecting reality – e. It can also predict what your children will look like.8.e. Other possible names: PhotoMediator™ PredictaPix™ Photolepathy™ FlashForward™ FastForward Fotos™ Foto4Cast™ Vujade Pix™ FFPix™ © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 91 www. Prediction photos can be produced for any point in time and it has ‘reality’ and ‘fantasy’ features. with up to 94. Works with up to 93% accuracy. you’re reflecting reality. your product development skills to change what you can. Observational Innovation . With innovation you go one step further and change reality by doing something about your observation – you invent a product that solves the problem.

8. Search for a power point presentation called ‘fart-study’. Presenting: The all day tissue dispenser. The noserunner: just dribbles everywhere. PiX: Search images for ‘all day tissue dispenser’ to find a picture of a woman blowing her nose on toilet paper from a roller dispenser strapped on her head.logicalstupidity. You gotta keep ducking so you don’t get hit. It’s usually followed by a thumbs-up if the target is hit. The tongue twirler: this is the guy who’s so proud of his spitting technique he wants to see how far it goes and where it lands. Innovation goes one step beyond humour by inventing something to deal with the problem. This device is from: ‘101 Unuseless Japanese inventions . Doubly embarrassing if you also forget that you have passengers. common with cyclists.Turning Jokes into Products MMovies ShtiX SPITBALL Observational humour: Ever notice how many people spit and blow their noses in the streets? It’s disgusting! It’s become impossible to walk in the streets of London and not notice it. NAME IT’ (Search for ‘if you can’t change it’ for more examples) So let’s name the different types of spitting: The Finger Bloz: one finger on one nostril and blow. tilting head forward and sidewards as if to disguise it.com . The boomerang: comes back and hits you in the face. The ‘forgot my window was shut’: common with motorists. Even more embarrassing if you’re the passenger. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 92 www. requiring sleeves and hands to wipe away. SPARX 23: ‘IF YOU CAN’T CHANGE IT.The art of Hindgut’ by Kenji Kawakami Naming your observations into existence is the first step towards getting your invention to catch on .e.g. Observational Innovation .

BraziliaNova. Novakini. (Buy the book. you’ve isolated the problem: bikini waxing is painful.you need it like a pain in the ass And just like that.novacaine for painless waxing Turns out that the difference between humour and innovation is simply a matter of functionality: Does the joke product work? Turn BikiniCaine into a real solution and humour turns to innovation.relief in the loo after eating hot food.Turning Jokes into Products MMovies shtix produx/beauty BIKINICAINE™ novacaine for painless waxing Observational humour: Ever notice how your partner complains how painful bikini waxing is? Ever wonder if that pain is proportional to the pain of her monthly maintenance bill? You know there’s a better joke in there somewhere. And if it doesn’t lead to a direct solution. It carries many people to distant stars.logicalstupidity. you cheap bastard. we can see other stars that were previously invisible from earth – e. Now let's hop on the bus driven by Larry David. Innovation: BikiniCaine . That was me driving the SPQV. we’re using humour as public transport to get to the star of BikiniCaine. BikiniCaine.novacaine. WaxiNova.8. While standing on BikiniCaine. wax. anaesthetic. bikini. from which new views of other worlds are possible – e. you’ve discovered a new star that could only be seen by taking public transport to the star of BikiniCaine.com . and I’ll tell you about it!) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 93 www. Do you like spicy food but not the after effects? MexiCaine works when and where you need it most – later. This causes a metalogue or OOPS.g. NovaWax. it could easily lead to you seeing your ASS Accidental Spin-off Solution. Let me explain this another way: Humour is the equivalent of using public transport in our thoughtmosphere. you might be able to see the star of MexiCaine: MMovies shtix MexiCaine™ – because hot food should only hurt once produx/food&drug . WaxiCaine. and you’ll get to WaxiThetic. Observational Innovation . like: Why can’t they just rub something on the bikini zone to make it less painful? Now where you have seen that done before? EOX! Dental & blood test injections! [ PiX: Pic of cream being rubbed on injection zones for blood test] EOX! Apply the same anaesthetic creams for painless waxing! Now play with the words . MexiCaine™ . Brazilian.g. but for now it doesn’t matter.

logicalstupidity. He’s boring! COLLECT: Does anybody else have the same experience? Is it a CEWTBL? (Common Experience Waiting To Be Labelled.Turning Jokes into Products Case study – using observational innovation to create a song.) YES: In fact it’s so common that it’s been called ‘The Bait & Switch’ by Dr Phil. Observational Innovation . This guy never wants to go anywhere or do anything. So we know we’re onto something here. Now all that’s left is to: CONNECT: All your experiences to Dr Phil’s idea to create your own song.8.com . SONG 8 HE’S ONLY A MAN [LYRIX] And then another case study that leads to: SONG 9 TEARS WITH CHAMPAGNE [LYRIX] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 94 www. Method: SPARX 180: DETECT COLLECT CONNECT DETECT with OOPS: Observation Of Pure Stupidity: The guy I'm living with is not the same guy who used to chase me with chocolates and flowers.

and all questions revolve around this one: What makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R? The ANSWER magically appears when you get the question right. I’ll come back to that.’ / ‘We don’t know yet.’ 10) [ ] (No words at all. Chasing the Unknown . Did you notice that? This chapter contains instructions for using your SPQV – Self Propelled Question Vehicle – essential for navigating through nonsense.’ 8) ‘I need to pee. Chasing the Unknown – UNcommon KNowledge you OWN Your search for solutions is futile unless you express the problem as a question.’ 9) ‘We have to go to news & travel. but stay on the line.logicalstupidity.’ 6) ‘Shut your face.UNcommon KNowledge you OWN 9. With your SPQV you can break through the knowledge barrier to reach a point where nobody knows better than you.’ 5) ‘No comment.’ 7) ‘That’s all we have time for I’m afraid .9.’ 4) ‘It’s not my place to answer that question. This is where you’re free to start making up new theories that bring new products into existence. This chapter deals with the process of asking THE PERFECT QUESTION. and the signs of knowing when you’ve asked it: The top ten ways of knowing you’ve asked the perfect question: 1) 2) 3) ‘That’s a good question.) SONG 10 NOBODY KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON [LYRIX] YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY THAT WE’RE MAKING IT UP THE ONLY THING WE’RE CERTAIN OF ALL THAT’S CLEAR WE DON’T KNOW WHERE WE COME FROM OR WHY WE’RE HERE SCIENCE DOESN’T PROVE A THING IT ONLY SAYS HOW BUT IT NEVER GOES AS FAR AS WHY AND THERE’S A REASON AND THAT’S WHERE I COME IN TO REMIND YOU TO COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION [Chorus:] NOBODY KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY THAT WE’RE MAKING UP © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 95 www.’ ‘I don’t know.’ / ‘It’s too early to say.this press conference is over.com .’ / ‘I could tell you but I’d have to kill you. followed by a change of topic.’ ‘That’s classified information / executive privilege. just a stunned silence.

But what kind of invention might come out of it? MMovies PiX/grafix The Springback Towel™ Anti-theft device for hotel towels produx/hotel biz A towel is attached to the towel rail by a retractable chord that snaps it back like a tape measure. Clintonian Metaphysics . E. [produx] It all works by the logical stupidity cycle of innovation: 1) Every logical rule / law encourages a new wave of stupidity (or innovation) E. People steal towels anyway so the hotel has to come up with a new innovation.g. Clintonian Metaphysics – Redefine the World to Suit You Clintonian Metaphysics is named after Bill Clinton who redefined the term ‘sexual relations’. so all we need to do now is name it: ‘THE CIGARILDO’ – endorsed by Bill Clinton. I CAN’T HEAR YOU.g. WHAT? SPEAK LOUDER.Redefine the World to Suit You 10. In his mind there was no sex – he had merely found an alternative use for a cigar. now that you’re going to be able to use your mobile on planes: ‘I’M ON THE PLANE! WHAT? I’M ON THE PLANE!’ How do we get round this problem? Government legislation: © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 96 www. it’s about to get a whole lot worse. This is how redefining reality leads to new inventions. like a policy of paying deposits for room and pool towels. I’M ON THE TRAIN. WHAT? Yeah. a lie is diverted somewhere else.g. Cellphone Rage ShtiX / MMovies viz Other people’s cellphone conversations are becoming more offensive than second hand smoke – e.logicalstupidity. but to the hotel it’s stealing – meaning they require some kind of invention or rule to stop it.10. I’m on the train.com . From your perspective you’re not stealing a white fluffy bathrobe from the hotel.’ And if you think that’s annoying. ‘I’m on the train. Rule by hotel: Don’t steal our towels. For cheap motels only! 2) Every new wave of stupidity or innovation encourages a logical law So let’s look at 5 offensive trends and how the government might introduce new laws to control them: 1. But how does refining coming into this? For every truth that emerges. you’re ‘taking a souvenir’.

com .logicalstupidity.com] Designed to improve passenger and human relations in general.g. Judson Laipply! You were part of the inspiration behind this new proposed legislation. will be given authority to check your dance – e.logicalstupidity.10. Great going. If it’s a song that already has famous choreography (e. YMCA or Greased Lightning) then you should stick to that. you dance – your call’ Which falls under the government legislation of Decibel Dance (newrule). If your phone rings in a public place you will be required by law to do a dance in time to your ringtone before taking the call. Furthermore. But probably the biggest reason for the rule is to deal with loud music blaring from car stereos: traffic wardens can ask you to pullover to see your dance! For help with the choreography of your dance you may want to refer to one of the dances from ‘evolution of dance’ on youtube. but otherwise your dance should say something about your personality. or if they hear any sound coming from your headphones. passengers may be required to continue their dance until their destination. the new legislation will be monitored by conductors who could ask to see your dance if they notice any cellphone activity. Clintonian Metaphysics . [Demonstration goes here – send your clip to www. At the discretion of the conductor.g. Only the brave will take calls. in fact anyone wearing a uniform. you could be asked by an air hostess to perform your dance on a plane or a checkout girl at the supermarket when your phone rings. but your fellow passengers won’t mind after you’ve made a complete twat of yourself. security guards.Redefine the World to Suit You MMovies viz shtix dilog DECIBEL DANCE The ringtone dance: ‘you answer. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 97 www. parking attendants.

not as a PlayStation game. That includes sequels and prequels – so Star Wars is finally over. Technology Incompetence The technology impaired who can’t use an ATM. 3. Globe Warming Ego Friendly Vehicles (new rule proposed) 4. For any revival or regurgitation of previous culture: NOSTALGIA WARNING: That was then. or however you go about finding a partner these days.com . Nothing from last century may be regurgitated in any format. Same applies to Angelina Jolie. The campaign will be backed by this music video: SONG 11 LET THEM DIE [LYRIX] [Sweet nostalgic melody. this is now – you’ve moved on. change their ringtone. There will be no remixing. The Global Boredom Crisis (new rule) Out go viewer discretion warnings like ‘strong language.Redefine the World to Suit You 2. violence or scenes of a mature nature’. covering any period from last century] TAKE ME ON A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE TO REMEMBER HOW THINGS WERE WHEN WE WERE YOUNG AND HAVING FUN BRING BACK THE SONGS OF YESTERYEAR [Death metal interjection] LET THEM DIE LET THEM ALL DIE THEY WERE GOOD FOR THEIR TIME BUT DON’T BRING THEM BACK IF YOU HAVE TO SEE THE SHOW TAKE OUT THE VIDEO LET THEM DIE © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 98 www. and in comes the new ‘YAWN’ rating system. VOMIT WARNING: Contains people walking around with animals on their heads for the entire @£$%^ show. not as a musical. remastering.10. send a text message or e-mail will eventually become such a burden on society that something will need to be done – (new rule proposed) . reviving. HARD CORE YAWN WARNING: May contain up to 8 minutes of mindless dialogue before any sex actually takes place. For Musicals: VOMIT WARNING: Actors may break into song for no apparent reason and without dance routines featuring leggy showgirls. Enjoy the movie. reuniting. not as a movie with Steve Martin or even Keanu Reeves playing the lead role.logicalstupidity. re-entering or reheating of any sort. YAWN WARNING: Brad Pitt is impossibly good looking and should not be used as a reference point for speed-dating. For example: YAWN WARNING: All the best gags are in the trailer you’ve just seen. rerunning. Clintonian Metaphysics .

This is serious! A 2-part government sponsored campaign is required: 1) ‘Stop encouraging kids who clearly have no talent’ – TV ad (see script for details).6% of bands who don’t make it.10.Redefine the World to Suit You 5. The only thing sadder is a Wannabe FFAF – kids who don’t see the point of living unless they can be famous. they’re now in their late thirties and still trying to make it. Here they are.com . SONG 12 HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN [LYRIX] HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN I WAS THERE FILLING OUT THE HOLES IN CONVERSATION BRING ON THE DANCING GIRLS OR MAYBE EVEN KARAOKE OR JUST PUSH THE BOSSANOVA BUTTON AND WATCH THEM ALL BOOGIE I’VE PLAYED BASS ON A BOX IN AMSTERDAM I WAS A CLOWN STAND UP CABARET ON THE LONDON UNDERGROUND YOU PROBABLY SAW ME THERE IN COVENT GARDEN SQUARE IMPERSONATING ALL THE PEOPLE PASSING BY THESE ARE THE SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO X 3 Presenter: ‘You’re tuned to FTV all day – non-stop videos of no-hit wonders from the 99. Been together for over 20 years. FFAF CULTURE FFAFS are celebs who are Famous For Absolutely F@£$ ALL. Coming up next. yet another band you’ve never heard of. 2) FTV – Flopstar TV is a dedicated TV channel showing what life is like for the 99% of bands and solo artists who don’t make it – e.g. Clintonian Metaphysics . taking the world by not even a little cloud cover…it’s CAN’T GET SIGNED…’ SONG 13 TWO SONGS [LYRIX] [ROFR to Jack Black] DON'T PRETEND YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE WE'RE THE UNDISCOVERED UNDERDOGS FROM NOWHERE AND WE ONLY GOT TWO SONGS AND THIS ISN'T EVEN ONE OF THEM TWO SONGS AND THIS ISN’T EVEN ONE OF THEM TWO SONGS AND NOBODY KNOWS WHO THE HELL WE ARE YOU CAN HEAR WE'RE SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF ABOUT SOMETHING WE'RE NOT SURE WHAT IT IS BUT YOU CAN HEAR IT'S SOMETHING HUGE SO BANG YOUR HEAD LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON JUST LIKE YOU UNDERSTAND OUR FRUSTRATION OF COMING UP WITH ONLY… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 99 www.logicalstupidity.

com .logicalstupidity.Redefine the World to Suit You Summary By upgrading your principles and redefining the world as you’d like to see it. SHIFTING © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 100 www.10. you can create new realities in the meshugganah middle: SONG 14 SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN [LYRIX] SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN MAKING UP THE RULES AND FOLLOWING THEM THERE’S A PLACE WHERE INNOVATION CAN TAKE PLACE IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO QUESTION THE ASSUMPTION AND COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION YOU’LL FREE YOUR MIND AS YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN EVERYTHING WE KNOW AND WHAT WE’RE STILL LOOKING FOR THERE’S A PLACE WHERE INNOVATION CAN TAKE PLACE IF YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO QUESTION WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION YOU’LL FREE YOUR MIND OF EVERYTHING THAT’S GONE BEFORE YOU’LL FREE YOUR MIND AS YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY SEE THE MAGIC IN THE MIDDLE SEE THE MAGIC IN THE MYSTERY SEE THE MAGIC IN THE WAY THAT IT COULD BE SEE THE MAGIC IN THE NEW POSSIBILITY SEE THE MAGIC IN THE LET ME TRY ANOTHER WAY SEE THE MAGIC IN THE RIP IT UP AND START AGAIN SEE THE MAGIC IN THE RHYTHM OF THE REPETITION SEE THE MAGIC IN THE PARADIGM SHIFTING ROLES ARE REVERSING BOUNDARIES ARE CRUMBLING STEREOTYPES ARE SHATTERING. Clintonian Metaphysics .

and only if the dog crosses the maximum range. And what’s more. so too do your principles.com . SPARX 42: USE THE LAW AS A CHALLENGE TO FIND INNOVATIVE LOOPHOLES Challenging authority by questioning assumptions can lead to innovative products: MMovies viz shtix Pavlov™ . hence the name: Pavlov . meaning no more entangling mess for New York dog walkers: Search images: ‘dog walkers’ © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 101 www.logicalstupidity. The Sky's Not The Limit. We also look at how man-made laws inspire new inventions – by thinking of loopholes around the law.11. which is why we examine THE 21 RULES FOR RULE BREAKING. which is why they’re coming out! How does it work? Ultrasonic audio transmitters attached to the collar of the dog would trigger an annoying frequency only audible to dogs.Upgrade Them! 11. especially if you’ve had some code hammered into you all your life.The leashless dog leash produx/dogbiz The inspiration for this comes from reading a sign in a park in Toronto that said: ‘All dogs must be on a leash of no more than 2. Dogs would quickly learn to stay within the maximum range. Your Principles Are – Upgrade Them! It’s easy to stick to principles. multiple dogs can be walked with one device. But can you abandon them when you realise they don’t apply anymore? Just as laws (universal and man-made) need to upgrade to move with the times. which is variable and controlled by a wireless device attached to the dog walker.4m. Your Principles Are .’ The challenge is on: isn’t there another way to keep your dog close without a leash? Research tells me that there are wireless devices to keep your dog in an unfenced yard and there are also radio controlled shocking devices used for corrective training.the leashless dogleash. The Sky’s Not The Limit. But there are no leashless dog leashes. or 21 ways to rise above the limitations of your principles in order to innovate.

11. The Sky's Not The Limit; Your Principles Are - Upgrade Them!

MMovies viz shtix DWDS™ (PR dudes): Dog Walker Dogs produx/dogbiz Why can’t dogs walk other dogs? If they can be trained to lead blind people then they must be able to take other dogs for walks. Search images: ‘dog walker’ This funny pic would become a sensible solution if turned into a business of dog walking dogs. Poop scooping? Still working on that one! MMovies viz shtix FETCH™ - The robot ball thrower for dogs produx/dogbiz Feel like chilling out in the park while your dog works out? Let Fetch the robot entertain your dog for hours. Observe as Fetch throws the ball and your dog retrieves it, collecting a chocolate treat from an automatic dispenser after each retrieval. Try it uni or multi-directional and on different distances. If your dog likes swimming, then use it at the sea or near a lake. Fetch will sound an alarm if the ball is not retrieved within 1 minute, or a time specified by you. That would be your cue to start looking for your dog. FETCH™ - man’s second best friend See ‘Kosher Food’ for more examples. So when a law, or your own principle, doesn’t make sense to you, your mind automatically tries to compensate for what’s missing. Mine tends to go towards humour. Where does your mind go?

SONG 15

IT HAS TO BE FUNNY

[LYRIX]

WHERE DOES YOUR MIND GO WHEN IT’S TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT ISN’T THERE? WELL MINE GOES TO FUNNY AND IF YOU PISS ME OFF I’M GONNA BITE YOU WITH HUMOUR TOO MANY CONTRADICTIONS, AMBIGUITIES I’M NOT ALL THERE, BEYOND REPAIR, BUT I DON’T CARE MY FRUSTRATIONS HAVE GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE SO IT HAS TO BE FUNNY WHAT ELSE CAN IT BE? MY QUICK FIX THERAPY

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Also in this section: THE SECRETS & LIES OF THE UNIVERSE: ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE HOW EVERYONE GETS A TURN TO BE SOME ASSHOLE Why ‘some asshole’ is responsible for upgrading the operating system of the luniverse. HOW TO TURN A GOOD IDEA INTO A BAD IDEA - DISCUSS IT WITH SOMEONE

Even if you’re not running a country, do you realise how many cover-ups you’re involved with on a daily basis? If you think you’re not, then start counting the times you hear or see any of the following statements, whether they’re from you or other people:
‘I could tell you, but I’d have to shoot you.’ ‘What happens in here, stays in here.’ ‘Can I tell you something, but do you promise not to tell anyone?’ ‘Can I be honest with you?’ ‘Who’s going to know that?’ ‘Nobody has to know that.’ ‘You didn’t just tell me that.’ ‘I didn’t hear what I think I heard.’ ‘I don’t want to hear that.’ ‘For the record, you didn’t just see what you thought you saw.’ ‘Who have you told about this? How many people know about this?’ ‘Do you think you might be able to keep quiet about it this time?’ ‘This message is confidential and for the addressee only. You may not disclose the contents to anyone other than the addressee.’ ‘Do you realise what will happen if anyone finds out?’ Once you’re party to exclusive or sensitive information, at some point you’re going to have to lie. We don’t realise that we do it all the time because we even lie about what we call lying – it gets redefined as ‘getting the story straight’. Now start counting the times you hear any of the following: ‘What story are we going to tell them?’ ‘How do we explain this to the kids?’ ‘What are we going to tell your mother?’ ‘What should we tell the press?’ ‘What do we say if anybody asks?’ ‘What excuse should we use to get out of going to their wedding / bar mitzvah / funeral?’ ‘What’s our story for the accountants / shareholders / cops / lawyers / witness stand?’ ‘How do I make my denial sound plausible?’ Honesty is very seldom the best policy!

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11. The Sky's Not The Limit; Your Principles Are - Upgrade Them!

HOW LIVING THE HAPPY LIE SETS YOU FREE

PiX/cartoon: caption ‘Ralf found facebook flirting so much easier than reality flirting.’ We see a woman sitting alone sipping a cocktail at the bar, listening to the request of an approaching man, whose speech bubble says: ‘Uhm, I was just wondering if you wanted to add me as a friend.’

SONG 16

JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG

[LYRIX]

WHATEVER YOU’RE LOOKING FOR IN A WOMAN SHE’S ANYTHING YOU WANT HER TO BE SHE GOT A PULLDOWN MENU WITH POINT AND CLICK SHE’LL BE YOUR USER FRIENDLY BABY THAT’S ALL SHE’LL EVER BE CYBERVIXEN, THE NICKNAME I KNOW DIDN’T WE GO DIVING IN MEXICO SO LITTLE MISS MODEM LETS DO JAZZ ON JUPITER DIGITAL DAMSEL WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO? DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY WE ONLY KNOW WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW AND SEE WHAT WE WANT TO SEE JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG AND THAT’S ALL SHE’LL EVER BE Or perhaps you prefer this version:

SONG 17

DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY

[LYRIX]

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2) To improvise new products over existing markets. The Meshugganah Matrix 12. IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE PLAY ON I AGREE BUT NOT THE SAME OLD SONG CHANGE THE RHYTHM GIVE ME A WHOLE NEW MELODY DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT NOW DON'T BE AFRAID JUST KEEP IT RADIO FRIENDLY RADIO FRIENDLY ALWAYS NOW LET ME HELP YOU FIND YOUR BLACK NOTE I CAN HELP YOU FIND YOUR BLACK NOTE THERE'S YOUR BLACK NOTE NOW GO AND GET YOUR BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 105 www.com . 3) To improvise new melodies over popular chord patterns. VERY BUSY BUT OH SO PREDICTABLE WORK SLEEP TV DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES ON WEDNESDAY NIP TUCK ON SUNDAY AND HEAT MAGAZINE ON TUESDAY YOU CAN HEAR IT’S TIME TO PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE OOH SCARY PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE OOH SCARY PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE NO.. 5) To get you out of your comfort zone. The method: SONG 18 PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE [LYRIX] IF YOU’VE BEEN LIVING IN THE KEY OF C PLAYING ALL THE WHITE NOTES.logicalstupidity.12. The Meshugganah Matrix – Where all your crazy ideas intersect with the market to bridge the gap between life as it is and life as you dream it. NOT THAT SCARY! GOD FORBID YOU SHOULD LIVE A LITTLE DANGEROUSLY THE NEXT TIME YOU GO BACK TO C YOU’LL BE SO HAPPY JUST TO BE HOME FROM THE DARK SIDE OF THE KEYBOARD YOU'RE HOME YEAH FROM THE DARK SIDE OF THE KEYBOARD YOU'RE HOME YEAH NOW YOU’RE THINKING ’BOUT THE TIME WHEN YOU PUT A LITTLE BLACK NOTE IN YOUR LIFE.. The objectives: 1) To assimilate the problem as part of the solution. 4) To improvise spontaneity over the daily grind.

Take the oath and you’ll be able to manipulate the facts to suit your argument. whichever is more interesting. as long as you promise the following: 1) To make as much money as you possibly can. As a news editor. change your argument to suit the facts. the more pieces you have. WHICHEVER IS MORE INTERESTING.13. and when you realise you’re wrong. journalist or author. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath Allows you to LIE OR TELL THE TRUTH.logicalstupidity. 3) To be thoroughly entertaining as you reveal the true colours of your chosen subject. As a consumer of news you’ll learn how to read between the lines of news and marketing spin. It’s all due to THE PARADOX OF COMPLEXITY Life is so complex that we have to break it down into bite-sized chunks in order to process it. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath 13. But the more you break it down. 2) To pretend to follow some higher aspiration. the Hippocritic Oath allows you to lie or tell the truth. REVEALED: Why we’re programmed to lie and how this makes us creative. In other words: SONG 19 WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN [LYRIX] NOTHING IS EVER AS EASY AS YOU SAY IT IS NOTHING IS EVER AS SIMPLE AS A CATCHPHRASE BECAUSE WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN YEAH WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN THEN NOTHING IS LIKE IT SEEMS AND EVERYTHING IS LIKE IT IS SO YOUR GENERALIZATION WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN YEAH WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN THEN… [repeat from the top until understood] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 106 www. Changing your mind as often as global uncertainty dictates has become the key to effective leadership. so the more complex it gets.com .

That’s why you didn’t buy Microsoft shares when they were $1. because now hadn’t happened yet. because that was then and this is now. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath Included in this paradox is a sub-clause that says: ‘That was then and this is now – everything’s changed. The upside of this paradox is that you can keep changing your mind because your disclaimer will always protect you – ‘All thoughts.com .13. SONG 20 THEME SONG [LYRIX] THAT’S WHY I’M GIVING YOU A THEME SONG TO FOLLOW EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT BE WRONG TOMORROW UNCERTAINTY IS ALL THAT WE KNOW HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU THERE’S NO REASON FOR MY SONG BUT SOMETHING BABY DARLING SAYS I’M GONNA MAKE IT UP AS I GO ALONG © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 107 www.logicalstupidity.’ This law makes people say stupid things like: ‘If I only knew then what I know now…’ You couldn’t possibly have had any kind of now knowledge back then. feelings and facts were correct at the time of going to press’.

make me feel like I’m part of something big. Or use any other device in keeping with the good faith of the Hippocritic Oath. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 108 www.com . while simple enough to be understood. keep things complex enough to be respected as an authority. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath Editorial licence is granted under the following terms & conditions of the contract: I.logicalstupidity. the author.e. Challenge my subject by questioning motives and tearing down dreams. Give me instant perspective. am entitled to simplicate everything in order to achieve this – i. I can use the following methods to achieve this: 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) Compare the incomparable. Ask rhetorical questions and split as many hairs as I like. give you. Make me laugh. Provide worst-case scenarios.13. the consumer of news and entertainment media. GO MAAD: Use any Multiple Angle Attack Device. the author of content. entertain me. Keep me in the loop. I. Cherry-pick my edited highlights. permission to simplify events of the world to make it easier for me to understand. By ‘simplify’ I mean: 1) 2) 3) 4) Polarise my thoughts – don’t give me more than two options.

You’re either with me or against – decide! Should Harry go to Iraq? Are you bored with the climate crisis? Does penis size matter? Is there such a thing as free will? Click here to win a plasma TV.com . Now.logicalstupidity.13. based on the idea that limited choice allows faster decisions. I’M JUST WONDERING THROUGH IMAGINATION FLEW OUT THE WINDOW FOR INSPIRATION I PLAY NINTENDO SO IF YOU SEE ME STARING AT THE SCREEN IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE TOO MANY CHOICES WILL LEAVE YOU WITH NONE… EOX! Why don’t we have limited choice supermarkets that only stock the top two brands of each product? 2permarket™ – You’ve got two choices produx/food&beverage/retail/limited choice supermarket to save shopping time Now that we have the joke. Did Heather marry Paul for money? Should prostitutes be given government protection – yes or no? Should foreign prisoners be freed without being considered for deportation? HELP! CONFUSING! I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE LEADING QUESTION! Translate that into a simple choice I can understand: Okay. Harry should go to Iraq and prostitutes need protection. One of the flowers screams: ‘He loves you! Now piss off and leave us alone. Coming up: The ‘Queue of Indecision’ sketch [MMOVIES] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 109 www. how about this then: Is Tom Cruise gay? Yes or no? Oh thank you! Now it’s all clear – yes Heather married for money. Editorial Licence & The Hippocritic Oath Let’s take the first point: SPARX 76: POLARITY GIVES CLARITY PiX/Cartoon: ‘Does he love me? Yes or no?’ We see an angry bunch of flowers staring at a girl who’s about to start plucking petals. where’s my plasma TV? So why do we like polar questions? SONG 21 TOO MANY CHOICES [LYRIX] TOO MANY CHOICES WILL LEAVE YOU WITH NONE AND YOU’LL FORGET WHAT YOU CAME HERE TO DO TOO MANY VOICES IN YOUR HEAD WHO DO YOU FOLLOW? DON’T MIND ME.’ There are only two types of people in this world – those who divide people into two types. we also have a new business. and those who don’t. which would dramatically reduce shopping time for customers and reduce shelving space. Do you believe this – yes or no? Why only two groups? Because that way it’s easier for you to decide which group you belong to.

Michael Jackson. The paraglider canopy is designed to look like a tallit. add wings & fly it your own way [See ‘Chart 2’ for examples] PiX/Cartoon/photo/video Caption: YiddishKite™ – fly it your way Just4Jews We see a rabbi paragliding. Parafrazing . Marilyn Manson and eventually Sponge Bob Square Pants. then Wolfman Jack. where are they supposed to come from – her?’ [looks at Marge] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 110 www. 2) EINSTEIN’S THEORY OF CREATIVITY: ‘The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources’ – seriously.g.14. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Parafrazing is based on: 1) EVOLUTION We need to steal ideas in the same way that they need to be protected. On the tallit is written: YiddishKite™ – fly it your way [see more on yiddishkite] PARAFRAZING = R&D = The art of Rehashing & Disguising other people’s ideas in order to find your voice – e. you take away our right to steal ideas. so you may as well learn the process.logicalstupidity. Parafrazing – The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers Objective: To Jump on a bandwagon. he actually said that. The rabbi is sitting in the harness and controlling the direction of the kite. In nature. Frankenstein turns into Dracula. 3) THE ITCHY & SCRATCHY PLAGIARISM CASE: Roger Myers: ‘Your honour.com . followed by Adams Family. this battle for survival is called evolution. which is a prayer shawl with tsiztzit (fringes). In business it’s called innovation.The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers 14. Either way you’re involved.

14. Parafrazing - The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers

So what makes Parafrazing legal? You’re always changing the original to suit your personal taste. Let me explain…

SONG 23

COPYRIGHT PROTECTED

[LYRIX]

YOU CALL ME MR. MAGINATION I’M A GENIUS IN YOUR EYES BUT IT’S JUST A VARIATION OF THE SAME OLD SONG IN DISGUISE I’M ALWAYS REARRANGING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY WATCH ME CHANGE THE PRESENTATION OF A CLICHÉ NOW IT MAY BE YOUR BELIEF THAT I’M JUST A COMMON THIEF SO LET ME TELL YOU WHY I’M NOT: I JUST HAPPEN TO LIKE TO USE OTHER PEOPLE’S POINTS OF VIEWS BUT WHAT IT WAS AND WHAT IS NOW IS NOT CONNECTED IF I REVISE IT I DISGUISE IT THAT’S MY WAY TO LEGALISE IT NOW IT’S MINE AND COPYRIGHT PROTECTED SOMEONE ELSE MAY HAVE SAID IT THAT MAY BUG YOU IF YOU LET IT BUT WHAT IT WAS AND WHAT IS NOW IS NOT CONNECTED IF I REVISE IT I DISGUISE IT THAT’S MY WAY TO LEGALISE IT NOW IT’S MINE AND COPYRIGHT PROTECTED

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PARAFRAZING IS ALSO BASED ON: PAFYAFFING - Pulling Advice From Your Ass For FINancial Gain, where originality is achieved through CONS and FIBS: 1) CONS: You have to separate the CONtent from the CONtainer to get the CONcept, in order to reframe in another CONtext. 2) FIBS: Fill In the Blank Spaces to make it yours. The song, with choreography, will explain all:

SONG 22

GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX

[LYRIX]

SEPARATE THE CONTENT FROM THE CONTAINER TO GET THE CONCEPT NOW GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX TO CHANGE THE CONTEXT FILL IN THE GAPS Let’s break it down: concept. Separate the content from the container to get the

That means separate the JIZZ FROM THE GENERIC: (‘Jizz’, as in the birding term, meaning ‘instantly identifiable characteristic’.) i.e. separate: The trademark from the generic. The Coke from the cola. The Kellogg’s from the cornflakes. The Ford from the 4 x 4. The sauce from the sausage. The buzzword from the buzz. The essence from the ice-cream. The pollen from the flower. The melody from the harmony. Now, with the trademark or the melody removed, you’re left with the concept, the system, the groove, the harmonic structure, over which you can improvise your own product or melody:

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SONG 24

HEY JADE

[LYRIX]

HEY JADE, LET GO OF WHAT YOU KNOW TAKE AN OLD SONG AND MAKE IT YOUR OWN IT MIGHT NOT BE BETTER BUT YOU KNOW IT’S YOURS AND YOU KNOW YOU’VE AVOIDED ALL THE COPYRIGHT LAWS HOW DIFFICULT CAN THIS BE TO FIND THE COMBINATION TO REWRITE THE MELODY THERE’S ONLY 12 NOTES TO CHOOSE FROM WHATEVER I DO IT WILL SOUND LIKE SOMETHING YOU KNOW BUT LET ME ASSURE YOU IT’S MY VERY OWN THIS IS A SONG YOU KNOW BUT YOU CAN REWRITE THE MELODY IT’S NOT THE WAY IT HAS TO BE THIS IS MY SONG NOW LET GO OF WHAT YOU KNOW SO I CAN CHANGE THE PARADIGM SOMETHING SOMETHING HAS TO RHYME WITH MY SONG NOW

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logicalstupidity.pig in the city Eyes Wide Shut Pots&Pans™ Harry & Pete’s feigela kitchen adventure Spiderpig Lord of the Spiderkong Wars™ Jaws Wired Shut Homer gets his jaws wired Scriptwriter mmovies Homer Simpson Scriptwriter mmovies Simpsons © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 114 www.The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers CHART 2 BANDWAGON MESHUGGANAH MATRIX CPT: CURRENT PREVAILING TRENDS / OPI’S: OTHER PEOPLE’S IDEAS CPT Songs: Hey Jude MESHUGGANAH MIDDLE MR. Spiderman. Babe . MAGINATION HEY JADE POP SONG POETRY All the best lines from your favourite songs rolled into one YOU & YOUR STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise Songwriter TV: Simpsons (Bart) Simpsons (Flanders) Ai Caramba pizza Fun-diddly-onion rings Domino’s Pizza Domino’s Onion rings (Sponsor op) Reality TV: Big Brother + Jackass + I’m a Celebrity get me outahere = X-factor + Fear factor = Big Ass Celebrity™ TV producer TV show XXX Fear Factor™ Erotic dances / acts performed on / for judges Evel Kneidel™ Pulls off stunts considered highly dangerous in the Jewish community TV producer Jackass Jewish stunt guy Just4Jews TVshow Movies: Harry Pan + Peter Potter in Lord of The Rings.14.com . Parafrazing . King Kong. Star Wars.

How do you do it? Watch the news! Watch Big Brother! Read the gossip mags! CURRENT PREVAILING TRENDS News – ‘Chantelle wins Celebrity Big Brother.’ Celebritunity: The KingaRude™ The wine bottle you can ride Toy company mmovies produx/toys PiX Sex Toy Company (Sponsor op) produx/sex toy © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 115 www.logicalstupidity. so Travelodge Hotels jumped on the celebritunity to create: News – ‘Britney Spears shaves her head.14. as well as gems like: ‘How comes Eskimo’s don’t freeze?’ News – ‘Kinga Karolczak becomes famous for masturbating with a wine bottle on Big Brother.The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers SPARX 112: JUMP ON A CELEBRITUNITY* *Business opportunity provided courtesy of a celebrity.’ Chantelle is a Paris Hilton look-alike.com . Parafrazing .’ (Causing an international race BB Recipes™ row and a wonderful – for limited shopping Jamie Oliver celebritunity:) boodgets mmovies Big Brother Celebrity Cook produx/books/printed matter Big Brother Book – recipes from the BB house. including ‘Chicken al a Shilpa’ JayGoody Doll: JAYDOLL™ Push various buttons for soundbites from the fight.’ Celebritunity: MESHUGGANAH MIDDLE Chantelle Travelodge YOU & YOUR STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise Travelodge (Sponsor op) Britney Shears doll Search images: ‘Britney Shears doll’ BoXo Stock Cubes™ Oxo Stock Cubes PiX News – ‘Jade Goody ‘So good they’re worth fighting (Sponsor op) loses her temper with over’ produx/food Shilpa Shetty.

The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers CURRENT PREVAILING TRENDS News – ‘David Guest on I’m a Celebrity uses catchphrases. Parafrazing .com] Mobile phone dating ShoweroKey™ Words on tap™ You like singing in the shower but you can’t remember the words The new Ford iPod It’s an iPod on Wheels Mobile phone operator mmovies/produx/gadget/toy iPod Car Company New car that comes with an iPod (Sponsor op) Car or house alarm produx/security (Sponsor op) Crazy frog CrazyLarms™ Tunes that would scare any burglar away © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 116 www.14.com .’ Mini Driver Alan Carr Posh MESHUGGANAH MIDDLE ‘I need sugar’ or ‘I don’t do dishes’ Mini Driver™ The Alan Carr PoofMobile™ The PoshUp bra™ ‘Made from Fearne Cotton’ (Source – The Sun: ‘Chanelle’s in a Posh Up bra’) Alppuccino™ YOU & YOUR STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise T-Shirt produx Mini produx/model of car Car company produx/model of car Bra company produx/beauty/fashion Al Pacino Starbucks produx/beverage/coffee (Sponsor op) mmovies/produx/pop star Shakira Shakirawors™ South African singer who looks and sounds like Shakira but has heavy Afrikaans accent CelebNav™ Various celebs giving directions Satnav produx/gadget/satnav (Tom Tom Sponsor op) Never-ending trends: Internet dating Karaoke [Flirtomatic.logicalstupidity.

14.logicalstupidity.com .The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers CURRENT PREVAILING TRENDS World cup fever Dinosaurs MESHUGGANAH MIDDLE Football fanatic pizza Barney. Dino. Roboraptor Dinosaur Sketch Jurassic Park Jackoffosaurus Thesaurus MS™ The clever dinosaur that changed its name to survive in the computer world YOU & YOUR STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise Domino’s Pizza PiX Cartoons & toy tie-ins Monty Python Spielberg South Park Microsoft / Toy Company (Sponsor op) produx/educational toy © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 117 www. Parafrazing .

The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers RELIGION SPARX 113: innovation RELIGITUNITY: Use your religion as a stimulus for Here we take our inspiration from Coca Cola who found Santa in the meshugganah middle zone between Jesus and Coke: CURRENT PREVAILING TRENDS Christ MESHUGGANAH MIDDLE Santa YOU & YOUR STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise Coke (Sponsor op) Many others found their creative space in the meshugganah middle zone the same way: Christ Passion of the Christ The Da Vinci Code Life of Brian The Bible Mel Gibson Dan Brown Monty Python Based on an original idea by God but inspired by various authors keep going… MoviePitch: Opus Gay Based on the theory that Christ & all his disciples were gay.logicalstupidity.14. so no bloodline anywhere Easter Bunny Easter Parade Scriptwriter mmovies/dilog ??? Sidney Sheldon… keep going… MoviePitch: Duracell Parade featuring the meshugganah Easter bunny (Sponsor op for Duracell) mmovies/dilog/scifi Easter Bunny Mad March Hare Springtime The Producers MoviePitch: Springtime for Bush in Iraq A heterosexual romp with George. Condy and Dick © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 118 www. Parafrazing .com .

using magnets. Parafrazing . Yet another religitunity: CURRENT PREVAILING TRENDS MESHUGGANAH MIDDLE Shabbadabbaduko™ Soduko you can play on Shabbes (Uses magnets instead of writing) Shomre Shabbes Games™ Shabbes friendly games for the whole family SoJewku™ – The brainteaser Just for Jews YOU & YOUR STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise PiX: produx/brain toys Just4Jews Toy Company (Sponsor op) mmovies/produx/ exec toys/ Just4Jews Shabbes + Soduko PiX: produx/exec toys Just4Jews © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 119 www. Let’s look at other ways to use religion as a marketing tool: CURRENT PREVAILING TRENDS MESHUGGANAH MIDDLE Kabbelah Cookies™ philosophy from the Zohar free with every ‘RavBerger’ Falafelosophy™ Jewish philosophy scrolls inside Falafels '12 days of Fitness' Sign outside gym Xmas in Israel™ the album By Evel Kneidel. and red string for £18 a bracelet.14.The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers Now just as Coke created Santa.com . because writing is forbidden on Shabbes.logicalstupidity. so too are there plenty of religitunities to sell your product – e.g. who loves Jewish music just as much as he loves Xmas Featuring Havana Jingle Bells (Cuban mix) ADDsong YOU & YOUR STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise Bakery produx/kosher food/ Just4Jews (Sponsor op for Rav Berg) produx/Falafel deli/ kosher food/ Just4Jews Gym owner (Sponsor op) Kabbalah + Fortune cookies: Christmas Christmas Music produx/ music genre/ Just4Jews From a news report just in: Rabbis in Jerusalem have figured out a way to play Soduko on Shabbes. bottled water is sold as Holy Kabbalah water for £3 a bottle.

Parafrazing .ALL KOSHER! Sosher Kushi™ Kosher Sushi Just4Jews PiX/mmovies/produx/ wedding biz/dotcom/scifi Jewish pig farmer / Jews who like bacon but feel guilty about eating it produx/kosher food/restaurant Just4Jews Kosher PiX/grafix produx/kosher food/restaurant Just4Jews Restaurant Just4Jews produx/kosher food © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 120 www. That means oysters.logicalstupidity.The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers CURRENT PREVAILING TRENDS MESHUGGANAH MIDDLE Shabbes Goys™ For Jews who are Shomre Shabbes but still want to do regular things ‘Let the Shikse do it!’ Cheryl the Shikse™ All your Shabbes needs taken care of by Cheryl the Shapely Shikse ‘Ask about Shomre Shabbes Shagging deals – it’s a mitzvah!’ ADDsong ‘Let me be your Shabbes Goy’ Non-Jewish girl who expresses her feelings for her Jewish boyfriend YOU & YOUR STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise produx/kosher service/scifi Shabbes produx/kosher service/scifi Just4Jews Gay Jewish Weddings Gay Gezunterhait™ The Rabbi Business Specializing in gay Jewish Weddings Jewish dating site for Jewish gays and lesbians Jew the Cud™ Kosher Bacon ‘All our GM pigs chew the cud’ JewSeaFood™ Traifish™ Our GM shellfish have fins & scales and what’s more. we fed them on our farm.com . mussels. prawns & crayfish . so they’re not scavengers.14.

milk and parev products have to be packed into the two fridges. Parafrazing . Various meat.com . but point is both would eat Indian food if it were kosher) produx/kosher food/Just4Jews produx/kosher food/restaurant Just4Jews produx/kosher food Just4Jews produx/kosher food Just4Jews Kuresh Cohen’s Kosher Delhi™ Chopped liver Jalfrezi™ Kosher Perishwari Chala Bread™ Kosher Fridge™ A game teaching kids about the laws of Kashrut.The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers CURRENT PREVAILING TRENDS MESHUGGANAH MIDDLE Masalatov™ Kosher Indian Restaurant YOU & YOUR STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise Hinjew: Hindu who grew up Jewish Jewindu: Jew who grew up Hindu – (less likely. Can you figure it out? TumulDick™ – the wildest ride of your life Kosher Sex PesachDick™ (Matzah balls included) It’s Kosher for Passover and comes in a Matzah Box (for privacy) Just4Jews produx/kosher toys Toy Company (Sponsor op) Just4Jews Sex Toys™ produx/sex toy/exec toy/scifi (Sponsor op) PiX/grafix produx/sex toy/scifi Just4Jews PiX/grafix © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 121 www. There’s only one way everything can fit – the kosher way.logicalstupidity.14. The game consists of two fridges for milk and meat.

Body. spandex with Tzitzit built in) And girls get your sheitles from funkysheitle.com (designed especially for workouts) Be more You-ish: Frummie can be funky Fitness Company/scifi Just4Jews Just4Jews Kosher Exercise Just4Jews And while we’re exercising… Mind.logicalstupidity.com (e. body & spirit.The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers CURRENT PREVAILING TRENDS Kosher Sex MESHUGGANAH MIDDLE ChutzpahDick™ – who came up with this? How dare they?* *translation: ‘I want one. Spirit + Combination of religions TaiKee Jitso Quando Disco Yogalingus™ Way more than just mind.14.com .g. this one improves your oral sex life too Fitness expert/sex therapist/theologian Spa Biz/Guru biz Keep mixing it up and you’ll eventually get to the ultimate combination: TAIKEE JITSO QUANDO DISCO YOGALINGUS X2 KABBALISTIC HINDU CHRISTO MUSLIM HOT STONE AROMA THAI THERAPY SING! © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 122 www. Parafrazing .’ YOU & YOUR STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise PiX/grafix produx/sex toy/scifi Just4Jews Sex Toy company (Sponsor op) For religious rebels Kosher Clothing YeHoody™ Jew talking to me? EdgeWear for rebeligious kids SimchaRobics™ Simcha dancing as a serious workout ‘Fitness for Frummies’ Guys get your gear from shvetzing.

If you don’t like the question. then don’t do the stunt. Kneidel is so proud of being Jewish that he wants to fly the flag of Yiddishkite as high as possible. www. It’s from Jewish laws & customs that he’s found THE ANSWER: Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R.logicalstupidity. Do not attempt these stunts unless you’re prepared to deal with the consequences of asking serious questions about Judaism.14. from which all material comes. New business venture: KITEVERTISING™ / www. Kneidel is a professional stuntman who also happens to love being Jewish.The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers SPARX 113: innovation RELIGITUNITY: Use your religion as a stimulus for This inspiration device led to the following: MMovies TVshow shtix YIDVID Just4Jews EVEL KNEIDEL and his halachically incorrect stunts Disclaimer / Warning: These are all highly dangerous stunts you should not attempt unless you have loads of chutzpah.com™ / Wings4Webs™ / WebWings™ / KiteSites™ / FlySite™ . you’re going to play the role of Kneidel. so can any logo or website.com The same way that ‘YiddishKite’ can be advertised on a kite. in fact literally. you need to figure out what question your action statement asks. For each of these clips.logicalstupidity.a large rectangular garment with fringes (see pic).WebsiteWithWings. which is exactly why he invented the YiddishKite: MMovies vid shtix Just4Jews The YiddishKite™ fly it your way produx/exec/toy/sport/advertising The YiddishKite is a kite designed to look like a massive flying Tallis Gadol . Parafrazing . Anyone interested in designing.com .airtime for your website Get your site on a kite produx/dotcom/kite biz © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 123 www. Before getting into the role. or find another stunt to ask a question you’d like to ask. producing and flying this product should also include the following text on the tallis: YiddishKite – keep it flying.

Sorry. MMovies MoviePitch dilog Just4Jews [produx – it’s a real place. not just a movie!] 15) Gucci Pooch Dog Rehab™ You’d think that life was stress free as the pampered pet of the jet set. not part of our religion.e. Thank you. spreading the message that ‘We’re supposed to rest on The Sabbath. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 124 www. i. We’ll need plenty of reaction shots. Get in the car!’ [Director’s notes: Organize a few ‘plants’ to jump in.) MMovies MoviePitch shtix dilog Just4Jews 14) ‘The Afiko Man’ This is a movie pitch available in the e-book.com . Kneidel cruises down Golders Green main road (or similar) in a Hummer (or similar) with reg plate ‘Evel Kneidel’.14. sorry. so you might as well buy it. Make way for the chosen people. so you’ll have to shoot from inside a rap mobile with tinted windows. anywhere besides Israel. let the Jew through.’ (Only attempt this stunt in the Diaspora. And only pet psychologist Dr Jewlittle knows how to deal with their petty anxieties and neuroses – by taking them back to their wild dog roots at the Gucci Pooch Boot Camp.logicalstupidity. excuse me... but it’s not.] MMovies shtix dilog Just4Jews 2) ‘Let the Jew through’ Evel cuts to the front of various queues saying. ‘Jew coming through. Hello? A little respect here. We don’t queue for anything. Out of my way. MMovies shtix dilog Just4Jews 1) Goy Ride Dressed in orthodox clothing on Shabbes. Walking is working. not work. As rap music blares from the windows he nods his head to the beat and offers rides to everyone coming from synagogue. Parafrazing . I’m keeping the best ones for the paid version of the book.The Extreme Sport for Creative Thinkers Here are 4 out of 17 of Evel Kneidel’s Halacha defying stunts.

15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation

15. Pop Song Poetry – The Rehash Part of The Equation
SPARX 103: POP SONG POETRY
‘To steal from Steven Wright is plagiarism. To steal from many comedians is research.’ – Peter Greenwall PSP is a device to help you create new songs, products and movies by combining 2 or more samples of your favourite influences. Here’s how it works: 1) Cut 'n' Paste words from your target influences onto cards. 2) Shuffle and throw the cards, read them as they lie & lie about them as you read. Examples: For a new Coffee shop: HooterBucks – ‘hot chicks hot coffee’ TRY OUR S(LATTE)’S (produx) Fitness program: Yogalingus – a workout for your mind, body & tongue (produx)

Movie: Pots & Pans – the magical (gay) kitchen adventures of Harry Pan and Peter Potter (mmovies)

POP SONG POETRY was originally a device used for writing songs by rehashing your favourite lyrics. For example, you could take a ‘hey’ from ‘Hey Jude’ or ‘Hey Macarena’, a ‘shiki bum bum’ from somewhere, a ‘moon in June’ and a ‘together forever’, roll it all into one, like a new improved mortgage deal, and then GET YOURSELF IN THE MIX! Just sing whatever! So here we go:

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15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation

SONG 25

POP SONG POETRY

[LYRIX www.

MUSICVID

]

WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER I’M GOING ON ABOUT GIRLS IN POP SONGS ONLY COME FROM THE PLACE WITH WHICH THEY RHYME THAT'S WHY THINGS HAPPEN IN JUNE LIKE HER RED LIPS OF DESIRE THEY RHYME WITH MOON HER MOONLIGHT AND FIRE THERE IS NOTHING TO EXPLAIN WE'RE DOING POP SONG POETRY SO DRIVE MY CAR AND LOVE ME LIKE YESTERDAY YOUR LOVE IS A ROSE LIKE AN EAGLE IN THE SKY THAT'S GETTING ME HIGH AS A MEANINGLESS METAPHOR THAT MAY NOT DESCRIBE WHATEVER WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WOAH OOH WHATEVER WHATEVER I'M GOING ON ABOUT INVISIBLE ROBOT FISH CLIMBING UP THE WALL IT'S NOT ABOUT A GIRL WHO GOT AWAY IT'S NOT ABOUT A WOMAN AT ALL IT'S ABOUT FLOWERS IN THE RAIN AND THE PEOPLE IN THE CITY STOP THINKING - USE YOUR BRAIN SHE LOOKS SO PRETTY THERE IS NOTHING TO EXPLAIN… NAH NAH NAH NAH I’M DOING POP SONG POETRY BOOM SHICKI BUM BUM SHICKI BUM BUM IS POP SONG POETRY EVERYBODY HEART LOVE I NEED YOU THE GIRL DREAM KISS TOGETHER FOREVER YOU DON'T LOVE ME LIKE I DO OO OO I’M DOING POP SONG POETRY NAH NAH NAH NAH I'M DOING POP SONG POETRY I'M STUCK FOR TIME SO THAT'S WHY I'M CHANGING KEY THAT'S ME I'M DONE I'M RUNNING LOW ON POETRY BUT I KNOW THE DJ'S GONNA FADE ME ANYWAY SO I THINK I'LL JUST END IT HERE

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15. Pop Song Poetry - the rehash part of the equation

PSP works on the principle of EDITED HIGHLIGHTS: This is based on: Camera/Particle theory ShtiX

The best bits of anything will automatically be interesting.

The ‘point a cam’ or camera/particle principle is in fact part of Einstein’s quantum theory: he observed that particles behave differently when they’re being watched. Indeed they do; they start pulling funny faces, saying funny things, fighting with each other, blowing things up, ordering troops into foreign countries to blow things up, eating road kill and maggots, driving nails through their testicles, and just generally acting weird. Nobody knows I’m an idiot yet because I don’t have a camera following me around. But if I did and you edited all my ‘best bits’ together, I’d be a buffoon just like all the other celebs you love to hate / make fun of. I can’t wait to prove this theory! Just as Bush and others in the limelight reveal loads of ‘human nature’ when being filmed, so too do animals reveal animal nature: March of the Penguins is about penguins just being penguins. It’s a fascinating documentary, partly because they really are fascinating, and partly because you need to film them for a year and shoot over 120 hours of footage to capture the magic in an 80-minute documentary. That’s nearly 4 times the average 15 minutes of fame we humans get, which is why penguins are nearly 4 times as fascinating as most of us can ever hope to be. Unless of course you apply the camera/particle principle when creating your own documentaries, which is what you’re about to do now: If you still don’t believe that film footage is proportional to fascination and fame, and that pointing a camera or microphone at anything or anyone will cause it to do something interesting, then here are a few ways to prove it on your own, by making:

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‘But is it entertainment?’ you ask. Edit all your best bits together over an appropriate soundtrack. Yes. Cue the example video consisting of edited highlights of 3-second clips of X-factor or ‘Britain’s got talent’ contestants – notice how the edited package is always better than the unedited version? Now over to you. You'll find watching people who are queuing up to see it highly entertaining.com . that the best bits of anything will be fascinating. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 128 www. Watch in amazement at the incredible day you just had.logicalstupidity.15.e. MMovies shtix 2) March of the Turds Shove a tiny camera up your bum.the rehash part of the equation SPARX 110: EDITED HIGHLIGHTS. Pop Song Poetry . THE DOCUMENTARY The following are mini documentaries you’re going to make to demonstrate camera/particle theory – i. (Buy the book for the rest. Here are 3 out of 22 documentaries you can make.) MMovies viz TVshow shtix / ‘Best Bits’ 1) A day in the life of me PNN: Personal News Network Get a camera crew to follow you around. Call it: ‘The March of the Turds' – a colonoscomentary in the style of ‘Inside Britain’s fattest man’.

shrink. say you’ll answer their questions if they answer yours.g. carpenter. you could make it even funnier by doing it in the style of the biography channel. Why 4 minutes? That’s the time given to any journalist doing a press junket – an interview with a movie star to promote their latest movie. dentist. or VH1’s ‘behind the music’.g. Edit the best bits together and compare it to a real press junket. Next time a telemarketer phones you. e. You don’t even have to wait for them to come over. then refer to more press junket questions. They’re usually given all kinds of perks to say nice things. Pop Song Poetry . your builder on his tea break or a plumber who comes to repair your boiler. But the point of your experiment is to prove that an interview with any regular person can be way more fascinating than a movie star junket.g. [Director’s notes: You can substitute plumber for anyone who’s not a movie star. or were you a natural? Do underwear companies pay you extra to do that? What other kinds of product placement goes on in your business? What does the future hold for your relationship with British Gas? That should be enough to fill 4 minutes. To do this you’ll have to ask your subject ‘junket style’ questions – e. except it’s about a very ordinary person. Which is more fascinating? If you can’t decide. What’s it like working with a director as famous as British Gas? Which co-worker was the most fun to work with? How did you prepare for the role? Does your character relate to the role of plumber? How so? (If not. If you have the time and budget.] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 129 www. proctologist. Also refer to more press junket questions. sky repair guy. which is where the name media or junket whores comes from.the rehash part of the equation MMovies TVshow dilog shtix ‘Press Junkie’ 3) Press Junk Kit How to interview anyone to make them fascinating Interview anybody for 4 minutes – e. then why not?) What was the easiest / hardest / most fun / most boring part? I notice you showed a lot of bum cleavage. but if not.com . Is that expected of everyone in the biz? Did it feel weird at first getting into that.logicalstupidity. a cab driver. then upload it and we’ll all decide for you.15. It’s kept short because there could be up to 50 journalists doing the same interview in one day. These are just a few that come to mind.

Reframe The Mundane – Remix!ng the Melodies of Life Whereas PSP changes the form. an art installation. On arrival in Hawaii. For example: SUBSTANCE = Raw Footage = Old Life 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10) 11) 12) STYLE = Material = New Life A comedian turns an encounter with an air hostess into a comedy routine. Dido transcribes the minutiae of her day into a pop song. You think to yourself: how is it possible that I can find an island in the Pacific Ocean but not my way back to the harbour? Why can’t I have satellite navigation in my car? EOX! You’ve just invented it.com . or figured out how someone else might have. Simon Cowell turns regular wannabees into pop stars. David Blaine turns being bored to death into a PR stunt.Remixing the Melodies of Life 16. you hire a car and get hopelessly lost.) 2) Satnav You’re the captain of a ship.logicalstupidity. A chef turns regular ingredients into Nicky Greenwall turns any Reuters feed into showbiz news. a gourmet meal. Following on from Satnav… MMovies 3) PayNav™ Automated satellite billing for parking. Richard Quest (CNN) turns anything into news. reframing changes the context. An artist turns the seat and the window into A stylist turns the messed up hair into the ‘just got out of bed’ look. WORLD EXCLUSIVE BIG REVEAL: the 6 stages of the cycle of innovation How solutions can be found in unlikely places – demonstrated by the invention of 18 new products. Rename The Mundane . (The products are explained in detail in the e-book. A psychologist turns the same event into a psychological disorder. Buy the book for 2 pages on how it all works – why we’re not doing this is beyond me! produx © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 130 www. A businessman turns one of the sound bites into a ringtone.16. toll roads and other restricted areas. A playwright turns the conversation directly into a play. This is about turning raw footage into material by focusing on editing and presenting.

how about a parody poster / T-Shirt involving Calvin Klein. For the source of this idea ‘kate moss doing cocaine’ Search images: Or. 5) Credit Cardio Gym™ – burn calories. Order now and get the limited silver edition signed by Kate Moss. 6) RechargeGarage™. PiX [produx] (Or should it be ‘smell & sniff’. the straw secretly slides into a slot inside the cover just like a PDA pen. featuring Co Kaine1 – just sniff it.nevergoanywhere.logicalstupidity. LockerCharge™. not fossil fuels.com . It’s so awful you feel you need to do a line of cocaine before you can say anything positive. you invent ‘the PCD BOX’ – Personal Cocaine Dispenser. Rename The Mundane . As you search for a flat surface you get your EOX! A Pete Doherty CD box! And just like that. MMovies 7) GoogleNav™ & GoogleNav Tourist™ produx/satnav software/mobile phone – personal tour guide for your mobile phone – wherever you are! 8) MMovies shtix pix/tourist photos produx/climate crisis/dotcom/tourist footage www.) (Surely by now enough time has passed for Kate’s cocaine bust to be officially funny?) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 131 www.com™ . MMovies viz shtix 13) Personal Cocaine Dispenser™ – PCD BOX produx/gadget/joke okay?/not real/scifi You’re listening to your boyfriend’s latest CD in the studio. HourOfPower™ – ways to tap into working out energy.Remixing the Melodies of Life 4) GreenWall Card™ – use your green points as cash.16. Cleverly disguised as a CD box. CardioCharger™.better than being there. because you’re not 2 pages of detail.

overstressed high-powered execs or office workers would be qualified to perform a useful demolition function while simultaneously exploding their overloads.Remixing the Melodies of Life MMovies viz shtix 16) Last Rides™ – trash your old car the fun way produx/sport/betting/car destruction/red letter day You’re devastated to hear that your favourite old banger is going to need repair work costing more than the car is worth. you notice how terrific you feel. with a vested interest in your car! You even get to take home your compacted car. as a coffee table. but you can’t bear the thought of dumping your sentimentamobile at the crushers.com . you’d rather crash it into a wall or something. (Sponsor op) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 132 www.16. even better. then hand it over to others who’d happily pay for the privilege. You could even take bets and turn it into a day at the races. EOX! Demolition Therapy uses positive destruction to de-stress and manage anger. (produx/furniture/recycling/climate crisis solution) MMovies shtix 17) Demolition Therapy™ – Therapeutic Damage To Property produx/therapy/car & building demolition biz At the end of a day of destroying cars. You know you have to trash it. Explode your overload by trashing cars and buildings. Win-win. right next to the car crusher. Rename The Mundane . Eureka – EOX! Wouldn’t it be great if you could give it one last ride on an obstacle course involving a few brick walls? Or wait.logicalstupidity. After a crash course of using demolition equipment used on demolition sites. Or even watch trained professionals racing your old banger against others. how amazing would it be to have a redletter day at the amateur stock car racing track. and take home a video of the whole thing?! And if you’re too much of a woos. or part thereof.

i. which is why you’re rewarded with a tremendously good feeling. This is how you can identify an EOX! If you don’t actually laugh out loud when you have one. It’s no coincidence that Parallel Universe Theory and Previously Unconnected ThingZ are connected by the same acronym. the centre of an intersection of completely unrelated ideas). then they have exactly the same feeling as laughter.e. 5) All metalogues were answered by a connection. there’s only one PUTZ who can see the connection between this universe and the one you’re acting as an ambassador for – and that’s you.] See ‘How to get yourself into unlikely places’. or EOX! – the melody of life. Rename The Mundane . but a universal mystery as well.16. all metalogues revolve around that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R. 2) They all come from RIGS: Random Idea Generating Situations. (Be on the lookout for the phrase: ‘…so I thought to myself…’) 6) The EOX! always connects information from the past with information from the future – two or more different worlds – simply because you were at the right place at the right time (i.com . they’re all gapcidents – accidents where a gap was found. aspiration – the ‘A’ and fulcrum of PIFYAFING – Pulling Ideas From Your Aspiration for FINancial Gain. 3) There was a desire to solve a mystery.e. 1 For more about intersectional innovation read ‘The Medici Effect’ by Frans Johansson © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 133 www. as in ‘what’s up with this?’ or ‘why can’t I have satellite navigation in my car?’– i. a pattern emerges that sheds light on the innovation process: What do all these EOX! connections have in common? 1) Nobody tried to invent anything. [See ‘Laughter – the cause of The Big Bang’ for more info.logicalstupidity. 1 7) It’s not only your specific mystery that was solved.Remixing the Melodies of Life After studying these 18 case studies.e. 4) That desire was expressed as a rhetorical question to the metaphysical (metalogue).

sing it – or at least put a soundtrack under it.17. 6 Branding Strategies Used in the ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells 17. by using DRAMA IN YOUR VOICE.logicalstupidity. then bitch about it to the beat. 6) Technology: the cooler the gadget.com . (If you’re a musician. 6 Branding Strategies Used in the ARTS: Any Rubbish That Sells Branding is the science of getting people to change their mind from ‘yes but what would you actually do with it?’ to ‘I gotta have one of those now!’ We’re going to look at 6 ways to do this: 1) The Name: why add value when all you need is an adjective? 2) Fashion: if you can’t change the way you look.) 5) Tone of Voice: how to turn anything into news. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 134 www. the less you care about the content. turn it into a fashion. but you can put a price tag on it. 3) Price Tag: you can’t polish a turd. 4) Soundtrack: don’t say it.

REVEALED: How visual & audio triggers create gapcidents – happy accidents where logic collides with stupidity to create new ideas. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline HOW TO SET YOUR MIND FREE TO DESTROY CONTEXT Most sounds we hear are heard out of context – we don’t see exactly what’s causing the sound. This is how sounds become audio triggers that connect you to past and future events. and as a result we have to fill in the gaps and guess what the sound could be. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline 18. if you hear a bang outside. exhaust backfire or fireworks.com .logicalstupidity.18. it could be a gunshot. For example. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 135 www.

like what you need to get your song going: ‘I need words to make up phrases…’ SONG 26 DOODLING TO THE DEADLINE [LYRIX] I NEED WORDS TO MAKE UP PHRASES TO MAKE UP VERSES TO MAKE UP THE CHORUS Now start throwing out some random musical phrases: SWING TIME MOVE TIME. when you hear three notes. If you’re at a piano. any chord you play will make you think of notes within the chord. Don’t decide what it is until it’s done. and songs will magically appear. GROOVING TO THE BASSLINE LICKING OUT THE CHOPS TO THE BEAT BOX THE RIFF THE LINE THE FILL THE STAB LICKING OUT THE CHOPS TO THE BEAT BOX Keep going. GROOVING TO THE BASSLINE… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 136 www. Just as events and shapes trigger images. then fill in the gaps. play any three notes. Just say everything you’re feeling. Just keep doodling and eventually it will start to look like something. Now complete the statement you’ve just made. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline DOODLING TO THE DEADLINE applied to songwriting SPARX 153: MIND THE MAP – DO NOT BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND The objective: to get horribly lost and discover places that nobody’s ever been to before. do exactly the same. So just as you tend to want to finish people’s sentences off for them. And even then. you’ll want to finish off the statement.logicalstupidity. so too will any squiggle you draw.com . reserve judgement – let others decide what it is. Try it: without looking at the keyboard. repeat lines that work well: IT’S ALL GOT TO GO TOGETHER JUST LIKE THE NOTES OF A MEASURE I NEED WORDS TO MAKE UP PHRASES TO MAKE UP VERSES TO MAKE UP THE CHORUS What else do you need? AND ALL I NEED IS THE GROOVE JUST THE RHYTHM A COUPLE OF WORDS TO MAKE UP PHRASES AND WATCH ME GO WALKING ALL OVER THE PLACE WITH MY UNINTENDED PHRASES WHO KNOWS WHERE I’M GOING PUTTING DOWN THE GROOVE TRACK LICKING OUT THE CHOPS FIX IT IN THE MIX PUTTING DOWN THE RHYTHM TRACK WALKING ALL OVER THE PLACE IT’S GOT TO GO TOGETHER WHEN YOU’RE PUTTING DOWN THE RHYTHM TRACK IT MUST BE JUST ABOUT SWING TIME MOVE TIME. For lyrics.18. and this is how you’re able to create elaborate doodles while you’re on the telephone.

thanks to the ringtone mix of every sound that ever existed. and telling you to move slightly off because there’s no need to wake everyone in the house. This is how we use sounds to give us useful information to tell us what’s going on.logicalstupidity. where we are and where we’ve come from. making you want to ‘play it again. They should be warning messages. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline RHYTHMAGINATION – your tempomental rhythm SPARX 145: LET YOUR MIND DESTROY CONTEXT BY LETTING IT FLOW IN THE DIRECTION IT WANTS TO GO MMovies viz Shtix 10) Sonic Intelligence Sounds are attached to events for a reason – they tell you things you need to know: [audio FX of reversing truck] This is the unmistakable sound of a reversing truck.com . a pneumatic drill. [cat screeching sfx] This is the sound of the cat you didn’t realize was in there. stay where we you are. move away’.to warn you that somewhere very close to you is A GREAT BIG REVERSING TRUCK – GET OUT THE WAY! Or if you’re a guy and you’re taking a pee in the dark. [sfx] This is the sound of the magazine rack telling you to move back quickly to centre position.they give you vital positional information: [sfx] This is the sound of the pee hitting the centre of the bowl. [sfx] This is the sound of the side of the bowl telling you that you’re on course. like ‘there’s a cow on the bus. relax a little. Now we have no idea what’s going on. giving you centre position. a car. a lion. a wild cat. [fart sfx] Too much pressure. a cow. you have no idea what’s coming at you: a vicious dog. sounds have the same function as lights on a runway . a toothbrush. But no. spare a thought for the blind. move!’ or ‘warning – someone just farted. Vanhalen’s ‘Jump’. a fart. ‘Final Countdown’ and ‘Eye of the Tiger’ will instantly connect you to all kinds of memories from your past – where you were and who you were with. --- But now. The opening riff from Aha’s ‘Take on me’. One can only hope there are no pedestrian crossing ringtones: © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 137 www. There’s a reason this sound goes with this reversing truck . Sam’. which is why we like music so much: it connects you to specific thought frequencies that take you back to happy or sad memories. and [sfx of door scratching] this is the sound of the cat in a rush to get out after being pissed and farted on. And if you think this is confusing.18.

[demo] This means that if you’re a composer of music. in harmony with the vacuum cleaner and your electric toothbrush. and you might just hear a D major 7 flattened 5th. So why is all this confusion necessary? Sounds out of context = BIG REVENUE! The sound of a simulated scooter starting up superimposed over an animated frog = crazy frog remix = £40 million worth of logical stupidity.18. Sounds provide messages from distant worlds telling you how to FIB: Fill In Blanks. connecting you with all kinds of world cup memories. This kind of revenue forces you to see all kinds of other sounds in a whole new context. For example: 4 bees buzzing around a flower. it automatically makes you finish off the ‘statement’ on your own. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline MMovies viz shtix ‘Sound FX Blind’ Show a blind man setting off to cross a busy intersection on hearing a pedestrian crossing ringtone. Use a professional stuntman for that. a train’s hooter or a doorbell will give you 2 or 3 notes.logicalstupidity. so that’s exactly what we’re doing in this chapter. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 138 www. which is all you need to connect you to a tune you already know: This doorbell [sfx] provides the first two notes of a popular Brazilian football anthem. For instance.com . but do not show him getting run over.

recorded and inserted rhythmically into the music. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline A dove cooing can connect you to the opening riff of a new song: Listen to how the sound of a dove cooing crossfades perfectly with the opening riff of ‘New York.music inspired by street sounds ADDsong Picture this: A trumpet player is busking near a busy bus stop.e.e. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 139 www. Search for BusTop 40 as soon as it becomes available – i. He hands out cards giving his website where all live productions are available to purchase. by BusTop 40’. like the squeaking brakes of a bus.e. The whole thing is videod and available for all to see on youtube the same night. but vocal melodies as well.logicalstupidity.e.18. An assistant of his teaches the choreography for the ‘The Squeaky Brake Dance’ to the people waiting at the bus stop. which is also his cue to change the backing track. for example. my regular bullshit becomes professional bullshit – i. car hoots would be part of the mix. Then he moves on to all street sounds – some as inspiration for improvisation and some as samples. as the starting point of a new composition: MMovies/viz/produx/album/band/artist/inspiration device for composing music ‘Brakes & fills’ by BusTop 40 . The top CD shows the title: ‘Brakes & Fills. as soon as my guessedge becomes knowledge – i. New York’. So. my dreams come true. [soundbite demo] In the next movie I’m going to show you how to use a natural sound. As each bus approaches he uses the notes played by squeaking brakes as the starting riff for a new melodic direction. He’s not playing any standards but improvising his own melodies over funky backing tracks coming from a boom box connected to a laptop. as soon as it leaves the metaphysical thoughtmosphere and enters the physical world – i. rap or sing something just a few lines of whatever they’re thinking about. He continues with the same piece until the next bus approaches. So not only does he use squeaking bus brakes as inspiration. Connected to his laptop is a microphone which he uses to encourage anybody walking past to say.com . and he sells his CD’s from a trumpet case which is also used for tips.

logicalstupidity. I wondered: What if. instead of the choir replicating sound effects with their voices. a play on ‘Breaks & Fills’. Now over to you. either to create this sketch or adopt the same system into your world: MMovies Busking for Birds What if you were a clarinettist and did the same thing in a forest of birds? What if you transcribed bird song melodies into actual melodies and recorded them? And how would the birds appreciate their songs being plagiarised and adapted? Would they change their tunes to match your new version? Where do they get their song ideas from? Who’s teaching who here? Only one way to find out: Dream it up. which are building blocks used in music production.. until I cycled past a bus whose brakes sounded like a really loud melodic bird song. intervals and rhythms and then used them as the starting points of new melodies? And what if you could do it ‘on the fly’? And what if it was done by a busker feeding off sound effects from the streets? That wonder was just a wonder uploaded to the thoughtmosphere. EOX! That was the connection I needed to complete the sketch of ‘Brakes & Fills’. then just do it.com . they transcribed them into tones.18. Honda – the power of dreams [Sponsorship opportunity] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 140 www.. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline ‘Brakes & Fills’ was inspired by the sound effects choir on the Honda commercial.

PUT A NEW FLAVOUR IN THE ATMOSPHERE (FART SONG) Rhythmagination means allowing your mind to go where it wants to go. Use each natural riff as the starting riff for a musical piece. a trademark on the moon. The reflection of the sun on the ocean makes up the ‘g’. This means that all divine colours. [sfx] Remind you of anything? Well then. [fart sfx] Removed from its natural context and inserted over a hip-hop backbeat. there’s a copyright on the sun. how about this one? Sfx of throat clearing that resembles the famous scooter effect from the crazyfrog ringtone. I only notice these things because my STUBID tells me how to connect things musically. engines idling. rhythms and melodies are up for grabs. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline SPARX 146: PLAGIARISE NATURE! The above movie is designed to demonstrate how natural sounds can be used as inspiration for musical pieces. When you get back to your studio. Put that over a beat and you have the Crazy Frog ringtone and £40 million! Now instead of a throat clearing scooter sound. only a lot prettier: g© ™ God doesn’t seem to be too protective over His intellectual property. textures. leads to an EOX! A car starting up effect can be used to symbolise a relationship starting up: ADDsong LET’S TRY TO GET THIS THING GOING [car starting sfx] This is how sounds trigger thoughts that get us to see things from other worlds. cars starting up. I was woken up by a rather enthusiastic dawn chorus of bird songs. just this morning. operating systems. which were not far off being radio-friendly pop tunes. flavours.com . Consider the sounds and rhythms of printers. either import the sample directly into your music software program or play the closest representation on a musical instrument. That’s what led to this sketch / movie pitch: © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 141 www.logicalstupidity. In fact. but rather as a bunch of soloists competing against each other. which together looks like God’s signed the sunset. Where have I seen this before? EOX! Pop Idols & X-factor. The problem was that they weren’t singing as a group. it becomes this: ADDsong www. Plagiarise nature! PiX/cartoon/grafix ‘The sig nature of God’ A gorgeous sunset with multiple colours in the sky. as long as he gets a mention in your thank you speech. Your STUBID tells you exactly how to connect things and what you have to do to complete the picture. To use this device. bird calls…go wild! The sound of a car starting up combined with the fact that you’re starting a new relationship.18. aromas. so instead of calling it ‘Fart Song’ we’ll go for the lyric: ‘Put A New Flavour In The Atmosphere’. except all the contestants were singing at the same time. filling in the gaps as you hear them. A throat clearance can do the same thing. let’s do the same thing with another natural human sound. carry a digital recorder with you and start recording the sounds of nature and machines. Something like this.

Sharon Oztrich: Does her best to be as diplomatic as possible but can’t help laughing out loud when things get really bad.doing their versions of popular songs.18. Two categories: Dawn Chorus . the waiting. one of her own compositions. Louis Belch: A long-tailed tit who’s more interested in outwitting Owl than judging the contestants. It’s the early elimination rounds of Flock Idols and we’re listening to the solo artists: The girls: Holly Woodpecker – sings ‘When Doves Cry’ She does this amazingly complex drum solo by tap-dancing on the snare drum while pecking on the hi-hat. What the Flock?! The scene: The Aviary. All aspects of TV talent shows should be parodied: the background on the contestants. Various birds are auditioning for a panel of bird judges: Simon Owl: More interested in trying to wit and to woo the contestants than judge them.. backed by a live band of birds. Shakira Terry (a secretary bird with big breasts) – sings ‘Whenever.‘The search is on for the nest big thing’ Other names: Dawn Chorus. even though it’s against the rules Amy Birdhouse (a gorgeous flamingo with tattoos and an outrageous birds nest of a hairdo) – sings ‘Birdbath’: They tried to make me take a birdbath.. I say NO NO NO They tried to make me take a birdbath. literally) – sings ‘Dilly Moggy Whacky Bazarro’. I won’t GO GO GO © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 142 www. Also flies between the other drums to create incredibly complex rhythms.a capella groups doing their signature bird songs.com . Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline MMovies dilog MoviePitch FLOCK IDOLS . wherever. Unbelievable. Tweet Factor. Solo artists . You gotta see this.we should flock together’ Peacock Teza (gorgeous bird who knows how to use what she has to get where she needs to go) – song to be decided Mandy Duck (from a duck pond in the aviary) – sings (to someone throwing bread) ‘Why does bread suddenly appear every time you are near?’ Weather Fukawai (Asian bird with a song that sounds like her name) Cuckoo Potty (complete nutter who’s all over the place – chirps a thousand words a minute and flies off on tangents. the audition itself and the breaking of good or bad news to bird families waiting anxiously outside. London Zoo.logicalstupidity. Get the Flock Out of Here. the long queues stretching into the streets to get into the aviary.

Shaggy Blackbird (rapper) – rap song to be decided Simon: What was that? Blackbird: That’s my courting solo. His band. The Vegans. Xmas and bird flu culling persecutions around the world.18. a duet sung by two gorgeous.logicalstupidity. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline Flock of Seagulls – bunch of teenage yobs squawking loudly out of tune but in time to ‘Acceptable In the 80’s’ (Calvin Harris). we go into ‘You’ll never find another Dove’. They have some amazing choreography worked out but are stopped halfway through when they’re told they should be in the groups section Robin Titmouse (a transpecies birdmouse who’s had wing surgery in a desperate attempt to be accepted as a bird) – sings ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ Before we introduce the guys.com . MMovies: Turkey Masala: Before Turkey’s audition we see a short flockumentary about his family who was killed in the British Xmas persecution of 2004. white doves (original by Michael Buble & Laura Pausini) The guys: Homer Pigeon (works as an extra and stunt bird in movies / most dangerous stunt was getting shot out of a tree by Bart Simpson in the Mother Bart episode) – sings ‘Home’ by Michael Buble Guinness Fowl (fowlmouthed punk rocker) – sings ‘Firestarter’ Yatsu Sushimi (Japanese Fighting’ robin) – sings ‘Everybody was Earthworm Avner Crowsky (orthodox Jewish crow with a long beak) – sings Hassidic songs Vic Vulture – sings ‘Eat You Alive’ by Limp Bizkit Robbie Cockpecker (very camp gay robin) – sings ‘Fly me to the moon’ Johnny Baldeagle (American crooner with a voice like Michael Buble) –sings ‘Come Fly With Me’ Repeter Parrot – sings repetitive club tracks and then repeats everything Simon Owl says. Masala managed to escape. [See notes below] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 143 www. so all his insults fly straight back at him. He’s using Flock Idols as a platform to campaign against Thanksgiving. a rock concert raising awareness about animal conservation. are booked to perform with other animals at LIVESTOCK. and stowed away in a passenger cruise liner bound for India where he now practises yoga and works for the Turkey Rights Organisation. it works every time.

] VO: Please welcome your host for the evening: Afrikahn Peng Wahn. [Audience laughter] Well I would have flown. featuring The Fabulous Flamingo Girls backed by Nando’s Chicken Dancers doing the chicken dance.‘Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher’. ‘I’m here for the deal in the window.for all phones over £50’. But we don’t get to fly though.logicalstupidity.’ They said.18. just hit me with an airtime voucher and let me pay as I go. ‘Sorry. Good job we’re black AND white. So I’m living in the zoo now. Afrikahn: [Chris Rock doing shtick] Yo yo. I’m done with swimtime... ‘Okay what date would you like to fly and when would you like to return?’ I said. Look at this place. I walked into a travel shop the other day because the sign on the window said: ‘Fly now. That sucks big-time.. superimposed and blended together. I feel like I’ve died and gone to the Canary Islands. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline SHOWTIME: MALE VO: Live from The Aviary.’ [Laughter] ‘Forget the phone.. move on. [Laughter] I’m kidding. it’s Flock Idols: the search for the nest big thing. where do you want to go?’ I said. South Africa. The two songs should be cut. you got that?’ [Laughter] They couldn’t help me. wsup. pay later’. isn’t it? Way up there in the expensive seats. am I right? [Huge ‘yeah’ from the birds perched on branches above him] Oh.’ [Laughter] ‘I want it all!’ They said. [Cue theme music] [Cue opening production number . [A few other penguins in the audience whistle and applaud] Oh. [Laughter] What I’d only give for that birds-eye view.. [Laughter] I thought: ‘Great.com . you don’t seem to understand me. huh? [Laugh] Talk about the best of both worlds.man is it good to be out of that verkakte place. Saw another sign in a shop that said: ‘£20 free airtime voucher. I just flew in from The South Pole and boy are my wings tired. ‘Listen here. Fish gotta swim like a bird’s gotta fly. baby. ‘Great. gimme some of that airtime. let me tell you. [Laughter] I said. easy for you to chirp. but all the flights were booked up. [Laughter] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 144 www. mah main flock. London Zoo.’ [Laughter] It’s just not fair. I want to fly wherever I want to go and whenever I like. I see I have a few of my South African brothers out there.without any contractual obligations.. we don’t get no airtime. ‘What’s it to you?’ [Laughter] They said. [No laughter] Birds-eye view? Hello? You don’t like that one? Never mind.. You may have heard of it? [Cut to confused reaction-shot of birds not getting the joke] Yeah. I just waddled over here from CHRIS ROCK in the penguin pool .. I’m not from Antarctica .I’m from Robben Island. so I walked out. offer not valid for penguins or ostriches. on a tiny island in the penguin pool called Chris Rock.

gives a ‘beep beep’ then runs off] Afrikahn: What the flock was that? That’s not an act? That’s a one trick pigeon. [Looks again] What’s that you say? Go to the water queue? Why would I do that? I’m not thirsty.com . and you know they have to be fowl words. telling me I gotta get on with the show. stage right] They’re flapping their wings here. Still freaks me out though – that some very ordinary looking bird can be famous for a two-word catchphrase. you can fly me far Yes I'm gonna be a star Baby. the search for the nest big thing. who writes this stuff? NEST BIG THING? [Massive scream from production backstage: JUST READ THE AUTOCUE!] Okay.logicalstupidity. joining up with the Flamingo girls: Baby. bring her back Roadrunner enters with microphone. [Laughter] That’s what I call a one trick pigeon. [Goes back to autocue] Please welcome our first celebrity guest: Beep Beep the Roadrunner – [Beep runs on. huh? Famous for saying [beep sfx] and [beep sfx].18. Oh please. right? Or why else would they keep beeping them out? [Laughter] You wanna know what they are? [Looks around like he’s going for a big reveal] I’ll tell you. What? Oh. [He mouths two words which are censored by regular beeps] [Laughter] How’s that. because she told me backstage. [Straining his eyes to read] Welcome to the very first episode of Flock Idols. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 145 www. bring her back Beep beep'm beep beep yeah. [Laughter] What do you say we bring her back for a proper song? [Big YEAH from audience] Flamingo Girls: Beep beep'm beep beep yeah. faces the audience. you want me to go the autocue? Gotcha. keep your feathers on. [Mumbling under his breath] African Jackass. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline [sfx of a whistle coming from the production manager. okay! Jeeze. you can fly me far And maybe I'll love you All together: Beep beep'm beep beep yeah Beep beep'm beep beep YEAH Afrikahn: Well what do you know? The beep can sing after all.

com ..’ [Cut to another squashed bird] Pigeon 3: ‘Hit me at 10 and I’ll look like this. and we got it covered. Sylvester will be surrounded by heavily armed Eagle security guards at all times. we have wings – use them for flying! Afrikahn: Later on we have my brothers flying in from Warner: Tweety and Sylvester.Donald & Daffy. Commercial break ..18. ‘We believed we could fly’ and ‘We’re Flying The Flag for The Birds’ (Britain’s Eurovision 2007 Song Contest entry). let’s bring on the contestants.. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline [Reading from autocue] And now.’ [Cut to another nasty squashed bird pic] Bird to cam: My fellow flock .campaign designed to curb bird deaths on roads: Pigeon 1: ‘Hit me at 80 and I’ll look like this..roads are for cars. but don’t fly anywhere. where everyone’s happy and gay Afrikahn: We’re gonna take a short break.logicalstupidity. I know what you’re thinking. we’re leaving today We want to be a part of it – New York.’ [Cut to squashed bird in road] Pigeon 2: ‘Hit me at 50 and I’ll look like this. [Contestant section goes here] The show closes with all the birds doing a funked up medley / superimposed mix of ‘Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep’. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 146 www. But before we start swinging any cats around. New York These vagabond wings are longing to stray Downtown to the village.won’t you please give it up for your favourite celebrity ducks. Donald & Daffy sing: Start spreading your wings. who just recently came out the oak tree. [Looks at audience] As if we didn’t know.

then we’re doing it anyway. I’m hoping for the style of Pixar’s most hilarious ‘For the Birds’.18. Next in the pecking order would be Dreamworks in association with Nando’s Chicken. Spin-off idea triggered by Turkey Masala: Mmovies viz MoviePitch: LIVESTOCK – the rock n roll Wildlife A Spinal Tap style rockumentary with live footage from the original LIVESTOCK of March 2003. Contains backstage footage never released before and includes interviews with all performers. Organised entirely by animals. So who’s in? Calling all animation artists and investors who’d be interested in funding this. And then comes you lot. by way of Internet collaboration.logicalstupidity. then it’s open to all budding digital animators.pixar. Aardman or Dreamworks.e. Brad Bird of Pixar and Nick Park of Aardman. the concert was arranged to raise awareness about endangered animals.com/shorts/ Sponsorship opportunity for Pixar. FLOCK IDOLS – The search for the nest big thing. a snippet of which can be viewed at www. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline ROFR FOR FLOCK IDOLS ROFR (Right of First Refusal) goes to The Bird Park – i. To discuss Flock Idols into existence go to www.com. wherever you are. If the above lot don’t get back to me within [a time to be specified]. Other possible taglines: The wildlife are running the show Welcome to the wildlife Don’t let the wild life become extinct – support LIVESTOCK Cook with love.com .logicalstupidity. not animals The animals are revolting © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 147 www. and to campaign against animal cruelty and being eaten by humans. or if they’re not up for it. This is your chance to show what you can do.

or a knowledge vacuum. and the knowledge vacuum begins to fill with hybrid molecules of information (i. Accidents are nature’s way of reminding us to keep changing our minds.e. comedy material) that are no longer equal to the some of its parts. the material writes itself. Pop Idols. The result is a Little Bang causing laughter or a reaction of surprise such as WHAT?!?! or WHAT THE??!! If it’s massive enough.com . it can cause a Big Bang similar to the one that started this universe. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 148 www.logicalstupidity. that I just followed as far as I could go. In the physical world this can be likened to the way that two atoms of hydrogen combine with one atom of oxygen to form a new material called water. I just happened to be in the right place and time to act as a catalyst that detonated the bomb in the meshugganah middle.e. just like wind. pop stars and pop music instantly starts pairing off with everything I know about birds. since it triggers OSKNOWSIS: You have an instant low pressure zone of information. we have to come up with innovative ways to make change happen. Let’s have a look at how this works: The mechanics of the gapcident An accident in the physical world is a completely planned for gapcident in the thoughtmosphere. Once you have the framework for your collision. convert the accident into a gapcident by getting yourself in the mix (also see ‘Crisotunity’ – converting global problems into opportunity) ‘Zurich – because change happenz’ [Sponsorship opportunity for Zurich] There’s a very good reason why change happenz – to show you the link between crisis and opportunity – you have to find the connection and fill in the gaps yourself. While comedy ‘material’ itself cannot be seen or heard. How did the accident happen? A hopelessly out of synch dawn chorus collided with my knowledge about X-factor & Pop Idols. Once I’d set up the collision between X-factor & Flock Idols. resulting in a massive thought bomb – shrapnel of tiny thoughts from unrelated fields colliding and flying off in multiple directions. but if not it’s just a thought bomb that causes press conferences or ideas like FLOCK IDOLS. Gapcidents are caused by Thought Bombs FLOCK IDOLS is an example of a gapcident – a freak accident triggered by nature.18. which results in a massive and sudden flow of information from multiple sources rushing in to fill the empty space. the sights and sounds of laughter can be measured and felt. its effects can – e. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline THE GAPCIDENT: THE HAPPY ACCIDENT WHERE LOGIC COLLIDES WITH STUPIDITY SPARX 147: FIB to FINISH: Fill in blanks to finish it off i. We can’t just react to the changes that life brings.g. everything I know about X-factor.

4) An out of context event that acts as a RIG: Random Idea Generator. invention. outrage and anger also unite people for the purpose of progress and innovation – i. And they never will. answers and solutions. and lead to discovery. 3) A trigger from one of your 5 senses that reminds you of something else. Here’s how we keep stoking the fire: ? 1 accident ? 2 3 conference !!! 4 solutions/new laws/ products 5 gapcident 6 new accident thought bomb PiX/grafix: ‘accidents to gapcidents’ [See other references to ‘cycle of innovation’ & ‘solutions can be found in unlikely places’] Press Conferences: Accidents of any sort. Cycle of Innovation: We didn’t start the fire. And therein lies the paradox of thought bombs caused by any kind of drama or tragedy: The paradox of thought bombs Tragic accidents that cause grief.18. Rhythmagination & Doodling to the Deadline GAPCIDENTS: Accidents that make you FIB . shock. which is nothing more than a message from your parallel world reminding you to describe to your fellow aliens in this common luniverse what life is like on the ‘planet’ you come from.com . things are going to be made better to ensure ‘that accidents like this will never happen again’.Fill In Blanks Gapcidents happen for a number of reasons: 1) A number of random.logicalstupidity. it was always burning since the world was turning. natural or man-made always lead to Q&A Thought Bombs. but we will find temporary solutions though. Gapcidents are the after effects of accidents.e. sympathy. because accidents are different each time. 2) A single event leading to an EOX! (Eureka moment) which is an illuminated connection that tells you exactly how to fill in the gaps. Virginia Tech campus shooting results in a thought bomb press conference: How could this happen? How could we let it happen? How can we make sure that this never happens again? How safe are schools? Who was Cho? What series of events led to this mental state? Who were the parents? How do students deal with this? The investigation will reveal all kinds of information that will provide numerous answers. designed to split thoughts multiple ways for the purposes of growth – e. way more interesting than whatever you were looking for – like what happens just about every time you Google something. 5) An accidental discovery. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 149 www. We’re not just talking about the accidental discovery of penicillin here. speculations and debate that will lead to both product and legal innovation.g. dysfunctional or accidental events that line up in such a way that you see the connection between all of them. we’re talking about the creation of everything. The cycle of innovation involves a 6-step process: PiX/grafix showing this.

com . 3. 10. 4. AS IF your staff /students /citizens are all special. In order to turn global problems into political and marketing opportunities. 2. apathy is expected. The seminar includes The 10 strategies of highly effective PR & Spin: 1. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding A quick seminar in effective leadership – i. THE MORE YOU CARE DON’T GET NASTY ON EVILDOERS – SHOW NASTY LEARN YOUR ESP’S: EMOTICON STOCK PHRASES USE FABOLS: FASHIONABLE ADJECTIVES BASED ON LIFESTYLE SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY BE SEEN THROWING MONEY AT THE PROBLEM PROMOTE AN IMAGE OF HEALTH AND FITNESS RAISE AWARENESS WITH A ROCK CONCERT SPONSOR WORLD PEACE EVENTS USE ‘IMPROPER USE’ WARNING LABELS Let’s have a look at the 1st and last strategies: © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 150 www. but acting as if you care is essential. AS IF you know what you’re doing. you need the right attitude. (SONG 27) GET COVERAGE OF YOU CARING – THE MORE YOU GET. 7. Ignorance is not acceptable.e. where you’ll learn to: Act Act Act Act Act AS IF the customer is king. 9.19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding 19.logicalstupidity. 6. which is why you need to learn the art of CAREOGRAPHY – choreographed caring. AS IF your boss is not a complete asshole. PR & Spin. 8. 5. AS IF nothing is a problem and you’re having a nice day.

logicalstupidity. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding 1) SPARX 158: SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY Whether you’re the boss who needs to show dominance and influence. Smile For Your Salary. SONG 27 SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY [LYRIX] I DRAG MY BODY OUT OF BED TAKE MY COFFEE IN THE CAR SPEND AN HOUR IN THE TRAFFIC AND WHEN I WALK THROUGH THE DOOR THAT’S YOUR MARKET THAT’S YOUR TARGET IT’S WHATEVER THEY THROW MY WAY I’M GOING NOWHERE I’M STUCK ON GROUNDHOG DAY BUT YOU SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY YOU FOLLOW THE MAN AT THE TOP YOU’RE FREE TO DO EXACTLY AS THEY TELL YOU YOU HAVE NO REASON TO COMPLAIN NOT WITH YOUR UNDERCOVER PARKING AN OFFICE OF YOUR OWN WITH YOUR NAME ON THE DOOR: SUPER HERO WHOOP DEE DEE SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY… OH I COULD MAKE LIFE EASY YEAH BUT THEY DON’T PAY ME ENOUGH TO CARE I ONLY KNOW WHAT THEY TELL ME AND THAT CHANGES DAILY AND THOUGH I DON’T THINK THAT IT’S FAIR WHEN YOU NEED TO AVOID BEING UNEMPLOYED YOU PUT UP WITH THE CRAP THAT THEY GIVE YA AND YOU SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY… [Extra bridge for the extended remix version] SO YOU HAVE A SUGGESTION WON’T YOU PLEASE WRITE IT DOWN WE REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS PLACE BETTER FOR ALL OF US OR YOU CAN JUST SHUT UP AND DO WHAT YOU’RE PAID TO DO DON’T INTERFERE WITH ANYONE DO YOUR JOB JOIN THE TEAM NEVER SUGGEST ANYTHING.e. or whether you’re part of the staff and need to act as if you care.19.com . the ultimate all-in-one package comes from humouring the system – i. JUST SMILE FOR YOUR SALARY… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 151 www.

You may also not use a webcam to show your willy to The law of Logical Stupidity says you can bank on people doing the exact opposite of your advice. 6. 8. This photocopy machine may not be used for body parts. 3. This Superman costume does not enable you to fly.19. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding 10) USE ‘IMPROPER USE’ WARNING LABELS Double whammies! Not only are you seen to be acting responsibly. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 152 www. 4. 1.g. 10. Do not use this electric toothbrush for any other purpose. The use of Yahoo groups to trade naked pictures of yourself or your ex-girlfriend is strictly forbidden. you’re also giving your target market ideas they might have missed had there been no warning at all.com . 5. This Celine Dion box set may not be used for clay pigeon shooting. Do not use P2P software to download music for free. Do not launch fireworks from your backside . 2. 7. anyone.the weirdo’s of Jackass are trained stuntmen. 9. This Pete Doherty CD may not be used as a cocaine dispenser. These ideas will make up the bulk of your business – e. Do not use our BB gun to shoot birds or Dick Cheney. thereby keeping you in business. You may eat all the fruit in the Garden of Eden except the apple.logicalstupidity.

LIKE [guitar solo] CAN YOU IMAGINE NO RELIGION AND WE WERE ALL BORN THE SAME COLOUR? THERE WOULD BE SILENCE BUT YOU KNOW YOU PREFER THE NOISE CONTRADICTION. THE NOISE WE FEED OFF SOME KIND OF CONTROVERSY GETTING ALONG IS A FALLACY BITCHING. So. No need for partisan politics – everyone agrees. insanity and stupidity. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding Summary of FOK–U There is only what is. because achieving your end purpose would also defeat it: What would happen if the wishes of the UN and all beauty pageant contestants came true at the same time and world peace broke out? GAME OVER! Or to quote Marge Simpson when she realised she was wrong acting as a moral guardian: I guess one person can make a difference. No need to invent remote controlled robots to rescue injured or abducted soldiers – there’s no war. Now the rich and famous really would have nothing to do.com . and this is what the Logical Stupidity formula for innovation is based on. but most of the time they probably shouldn’t. and yet trying to reach it and showing that you're trying is the essence of both innovation and leadership: even if there’s no heaven we still have to act as if there is one or we’re all completely £@$%^ screwed. as a leader or innovator. from CNN all the way down to the gossip mags – there's peace in the Middle East and Brad & Jen are still together playing happy families. THE CHAOS. not despite of all the problems. That which should be doesn’t exist. Forget the entire media. Be happy that your efforts are fruitless. there’d be no cause to fight for: Call off the Nobel peace prize and all charity events – there's no famine or poverty. Without a constant supply of problems. Cancel all contracts for multibillion dollar arms deals. you have to keep finding ways of showing that you care. SONG 28 THE COLOUR OF CONFUSION [LYRIX] ISN’T IT LOVELY THAT NOTHING IS SIMPLE? THAT EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON SOMETHING SO I’M BEING VAGUE BUT I’M AWARE WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SPLITTING HAIR AND IF YOU FOCUS ON THE BLUR YOU’LL FIND YOUR LIFE IS THE COLOUR OF CONFUSION OH ISN’T IT LOVELY. Comedians would have to get real jobs – nobody’s doing anything stupid. The by-product of all the insanity of the world is innovation: The world turns. everyone’s getting along. COMPLAINING IS WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO AROUND © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 153 www.logicalstupidity. but because of them.19. THAT IT HAPPENS TO BE OUR FAVOURITE SOURCE OF INSPIRATION CONTROVERSY IS WHAT WE’RE LOOKING FOR OUTRAGEOUS CONTRADICTION.

19.) GLOBAL STUPIDITY WORLD CRISIS MESHUGGANAH MIDDLE WORLD CRISATUNITY = SOLUTION ASOWL TAX Altruistic Sense Of Wellbeing & Love WANTASEE OPPORTUNITY ‘Throw some money at the Government legislation produx/legislation/newrule climate crisis problem’ Produce more EFE’s – ‘Eco Friendly Everything’ labels: Ego Friendly Vehicles™ BATTERARI™ 2x2™ Global Warming: Ambuhearse™ If it doesn’t make it in time it slows down and switches to battery Sports car co. For more details on any of these products. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding Now that you have the FOK–U attitude.logicalstupidity. then change the details to suit the new occasion Card biz produx/recycling card company climate crisis Recycling businesses © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 154 www.com . do a search on them. let’s tackle world problems using the meshugganah matrix: USING FOK-U FOR INNOVATION HOW TO CONVERT GLOBAL PROBLEMS INTO OPPORTUNITIES CHART 3 GLOBAL STUPIDITY MESHUGGANAH MATRIX (Products in [ ] actually exist. produx/hybrid car climate crisis News: Xmas cards are getting recycled as toilet paper: Roller Cards™ ‘Cut the crap – with roller cards’ AdaptaCard™ – pass it on Keep a digital copy. produx/hybrid car climate crisis Same company that brought us the 4x4 Commercial car co.

FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding Global Warming continued [Global Warming In Action Tours] Warming Island.19.com .g.logicalstupidity. Greenland The DoggieBag™ 2nd Hand Buffet ‘all you can eat for a pound’ ‘dogs welcome’ The Pink Rotamola Phone designed to eliminate AIDS in Africa [Fight Poverty] [Bungee jump against racism] Simpsons: ‘Homerpalooza’ Crash the movie Feaux Rappaccino™ ‘So mild you could play it in Starbucks’ Uses swearanisms (spoonerism swearing): YOUR MOTHERFIRE WAS A FUTHA MUCKA YOUR FUSH FICKER WAS PHEASANT PLUCKER US Tour Company Betchart Expeditions Food wastage produx/recycling restaurant climate crisis Aids Phone company Poverty Racism T-Shirt company Concession stand owner at awareness raising rock concert Paul Haggis. screenwriter Songwriter produx/music genre Violence / hatred Obscene language Children cruelty Baby Oil Zero™ No babies used in our products PaintFox™ ‘even the multicoloured foxes are happy’ Campaign: ‘Leave the tuna alone’ Tuna-friendly dolphin™ Sustainable Sauces™ Using sustainable sauces will ensure that there’s plenty of fish in the sea Silly Cow™ meat products ‘All cows died of their own stupidity’ (e. trying to jump over the electric fence) Oil Co produx/joke product Paintball company produx/sport&rec/toys/gadget Fishery produx/food/fishing/ produx/food Animal cruelty Foxhunting Overfishing: breaking news from the future: ‘Tuna are more intelligent than dolphin’ Inhumane killing methods Cattle farming produx/food © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 155 www.

green=good. produx/beverage Pharmaceutical co.19. amber=not sure [Biodegradable Bags] Porn producer produx/adult movies Supermarket climate crisis Obesity Junk food Carrot & Celery burger™ MacDonald’s produx/food climate crisis your pizza biz produx/food Coke Bar / drinks company produx/beverage/alcohol PizZero – the diet pizza™ [Coke light / Zero] Wheatgrass health kick: [The Lawnmower™] Based on an idea by Homer Simpson Goldilocks Porridge produx/food Disney produx/food produx/food Warner bros. produx/beer commercial Rifle range owner produx/sport&rec Songwriter (see song) © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 156 www. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding Exploitation of women (feminism) Fair trade lesbian pornography™ ‘all girls paid a minimum of $1000 per scene’ Healthy Eating [traffic light labelling system] Red=bad.com .logicalstupidity. produx/health&beauty/drug/joke Use that news to create health products under license from Disney News: ‘Disney bans junk food at theme parks’ Mickey Mineral Water Bugs Bunny Carrot Sticks Looney Lemonade TummiBugz™ effective weight loss tablets ‘With added Salmonella3’ ‘Drop 4 jean sizes in 4 days’ Red Nose Beer Day Prize for the reddest nose Osama Shooting Range™ ‘OSAMA TIME AND THE LIVING IS SCARY HESBOLLA JUMPING AND THE SECURITY ALERT IS HIGH’ Alcoholism Terrorism Campaign by Beer co.

it’s happening) Other threats to world peace: Boredom YAWN ‘been-done-to-death’ rating system The RingDance™ You answer.19. Jay Leno. Letterman. you dance! It’s your call The Compulsory 8-step dance before answering or making calls on your phone The Decibel Dance™ produx/legislation to stamp it out John Stewart. Conan.logicalstupidity. Stupidity & Hypocrisy Crisis Government legislation produx/legislation/mobile phone © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 157 www.com . Logical Stupidity Awards™ for excellence in Time Wasting YOU produx/ award ceremony Government legislation produx/legislation OPMC Other People’s Mobilephone Conversations: presenting the icebreaker to ease passenger tension: The CASH Crisis Global Corruption. FOK-U: The Façade Of Kindness & Understanding Where is Osama? Toura Bora Terror Tours™ Video game programmer produx/software/game Touring Company/ produx/tourism Holiday resorts (Seriously – it’s happening) comedy sketch Political cartoonist continued Terrorism Osama singing ‘My Way’ [Unmentionable Danish Cartoon about prophet Mohammed] Jerry Springer satire: [My daughter is dating a terrorist] GWJOKES.com Bird Flu Hurricane Katrina Search images ‘Bird flu hits Disney’ [Tour of America’s Greatest Catastrophe] Tour company (Seriously. O’Brian. etc.

Measuring Your Mood Using R&D Therapy R&D creative therapy is about Rehashing & Disguising your frustrations and then selling them through different media. ANALYSE & CAPITALISE How do you capitalise? By recycling all your emotional sewage as commerce in a process called: SONG 29 FRUSTRATION FOR SALE [LYRIX] LET ME SELL YOUR SONG OF REVOLUTION IT DON’T MEAN A THING IF ALL YOU CAN DO IS SING SO IT’S UP TO ME AND THE MARKETING TO LET THE PEOPLE KNOW SO THEY DO THE RIGHT THING IMAGE IS EVERYTHING ALL IN THE PACKAGING NEW BIG THING NEW SYNERGY MARKETING ALL IN THE PACKAGING NEW BIG THING YOU START A CONTROVERSY ANY PUBLICITY THROW IT UP MAKE A SHOW OF IT WITH A MEGALOMANIA FEVER HYSTERIA WRAP IT UP PUT A BOW ON IT LET ME SELL YOUR SONG OF REVOLUTION © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 158 www. This is why R&D therapy doesn’t try to fix your dysfunctions.logicalstupidity. the better the quality of your life. But how do we measure mood? That’s where art comes in – just as we have the colour spectrum or the sound frequency spectrum.com . The objective of R&D therapy is to find your STUBID and make it work for you. But by getting inside the meshugganah middle and measuring the spaces between your thoughts.20. a joke. a line for a song or a script. How do we know this? Well who do you know that isn’t just a little bit whacked out in some way? We’re all fluffed in the head but not in the same way: the slight difference is known as your STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise. it’s just as vague as hot. Measuring Your Mood Using R&D Therapy 20. a brush stroke on a painting.e. How so? Each pixel of emotion you identify translates into a line of conversation. a business plan. you create more detailed awareness pixels. The method: CRITICISE. or moodometer. because they’re not supposed to be fixed. Woohoo!! ☺ Whatever & FU!! . This can only happen by measuring your mood: The physical world has scientific measuring devices – business climate is measured by market indices. and the more you have. Zoomed all the way out. so too do we have the human emotion spectrum. This is nature’s way of creating the luniverse. or a feature on a piece of software or a sports car. mild and cold – i. a comedy sketch.

logicalstupidity.20. yes – blaming not only makes things easier. Measuring Your Mood Using R&D Therapy SPARX 170: BLAME SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IS IT GETTING BETTER OR DO YOU FEEL THE SAME? WILL IT MAKE IT EASIER ON YOU NOW YOU GOT SOMEONE TO BLAME? U2 – One Well actually. For example: LIKE A SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND YOU’RE TO BLAME YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME Bon Jovi So who or what are you going to blame? SONG 30 MOANING OUT OF TUNE [LYRIX] Blame your girlfriend: I WAS DONE WRONG I WAS CHEATED ON COS YOU SPUN A WEB SO STRONG SO I BLAME YOU FOR EVERYTHING Now blame your massive ego: I LOVE THE SOUND OF MY OWN VOICE I COULD LISTEN TO ME EVERY DAY IT’S JUST AS WELL I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SINGING ABOUT COS I GOT NOTHING TO SAY I’M JUST MOANING OUT OF TUNE YEAH © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 159 www. it’s an essential inspiration device.com .

Thought Accountancy . Connect 21. At the end of every day you need to present a 10-minute highlights presentation of your news.com . What’s going on with you is just as important or as trivial as world headlines.21. This is why you’ll never see a news headline of NOTHING MUCH HAPPENED TODAY. What’s in it? SPARX 179: SONG 31 WHAT ARE YOUR TOP STORIES ON PNN? WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY? [LYRIX] LOVING YOUR LIFE IS ALL YOU NEED FOR SURVIVING BUT YOU NEVER DO THAT’S WHY GETTING THERE IS ALWAYS MORE FUN THAN ARRIVING COS YOU NEVER DO SO YOU’RE GONNA MEASURE YOUR LIFE YOU’LL KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU’RE DOING WHEN YOU TAKE MY ADVICE AND ASK YOURSELF EVERY DAY: DID YOU LEARN? DID YOU LAUGH? DID YOU LISTEN? DID YOU HAVE ANY FUN? WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY? WHY SHOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU’RE GETTING ANYWHERE? WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR TODAY? © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 160 www.Detect. where reporters have to be fed. Connect And then report on PNN – your Personal News Network. because if nothing serious happens there are always backup headlines to run – like ‘Gordon Brown & Tony Blair to remain friends’ or ‘Posh goes shopping with Katie’. and where column space and program slots have to be filled. Thought Accountancy – Detect. Collect.logicalstupidity. Newsflash: you’re also in the news business. your Personal News Network. Collect. To practise thought accountancy. Did you ever wonder why exactly the same amount of news happens every day regardless of what happens in the world? That’s because the news is a business. you need to become the editor for ‘My Life’ – a news program broadcast on PNN.

Let’s take a look at how awareness pixels form the basis of songs: SONG 33 CK519J [LYRIX] I WAS TAPPING ON THE DASH . This means that if I’m sent on a mission to Starbucks with a specific order. like ‘a grande semi skim cappuccino with an extra shot’.fact CK519J IS ALL I KNOW ABOUT THE GIRL WHO GOT AWAY .Detect. leaving no mysterious spaces. depends on your STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise. You need to find a way to twist all these problems in such a way that they line up to form neat rows.fact OH WOW (she’s gorgeous!) .g.fantasy LET ME TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT YOU . I’ll have to turn it into a song so I don’t forget it.fantasy I SAW THE CUTIE IN THE CAR NEXT TO ME . The two together make up your awareness pixels on your PNN: Personal News Network.fantasy AND SHE WAS BOPPING ALONG TO THE SAME SONG . Any other incoming information will be lined up according to some kind of rhythm: SONG 32 GRANDE SEMI SKIM CAPPACINO [LYRIX] WITH AN EXTRA SHOT…DON'T FORGET THE SHOT SPARX 183: COLLECT Awareness Pixels Just as accountancy involves the collection of receipts that record who paid what and how much.21.com .logicalstupidity. the contents of your inbox – are the shapes flying at you.fantasy BUT THEN THE LIGHTS TURNED GREEN AS I GOT HER REGISTRATION . Connect SPARX 180: DETECT COLLECT CONNECT Sponsorship opportunity for Tetris THINK OF YOUR LIFE AS A GAME OF TETRIS Think of your life as a game of Tetris where all problems thrown at you – e.fact I THOUGHT. My STUBID is that I’m wired for rhythm.fact LOST IN THE GROOVE . Exactly how you twist the facts that you’re presented with. thought accountancy involves the collection of thoughts with opinions about them. so I process everything musically. HMM COME A LITTLE BIT CLOSER TO ME . Thought Accountancy . Collect. You score points for using problems as part of the solution. and extra bonus points for lining up four rows of problems in such a way that they all disappear instantly.fact & fantasy = factasy © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 161 www.

logicalstupidity.logicalstupidity. there are no cures. and even if there were. May the grim rapper take you on a wild inventure to find your ERRORGENIUS ZONE. Especially if you. because this is what makes you uniquely creative and fascinating. you’re a phonetic. like me. Just like many other anxieties. So how do you cure it? You don’t. so follow the songs and sounds wherever they take you. REVEALED: The creative & destructive effects of misinterpreation and the 12 factors causing it.Creativity by Denial & Error 22. By discovering new words. The thoughtmosphere works just like the virtual world of hyperlinks – you’re always only one letter or sound away from a foreign destination that could be way more exciting than the intended one. then follow the spontenudity. Misinterpreation – Creativity by Denial & Error By missing the point entirely. By allowing yourself to roll with the accident. hysterical accuracy and various other comical reactions. dysfunctions and disorders. When your punlexia impairs your ability to focus. which can then be turned into: Songs: ‘I got soul but I’m not a soldier’ – The Killers Taglines: ‘Girls just want to have funds’ – Jupiter Asset Management Books: The same title is also a book by Susanna Blake Goodman Products: ‘The Posh Up Bra’ – coined by the Sun Newspaper [produx] Newspapers: ‘Vujade News – news ahead of its time’ [produx] Products: ‘Jillette – because you like it shaved and wet’ (What? It’s a new waterproof razor – produx) Pop Bands: ‘The Showeroke Girls’ – now auditioning at www. you wouldn’t want them.com . spontenudity.com [produx] This is a permanent fatal error. a new message is found in translation. you’re also discovering new destinations in our thoughtmosphere.22. have punlexia – an auditory processing disorder. you’re likely to discover gapcidents like factasy.e. where your brain searches for every possible alternative meaning to the intended one. When it comes to playing with words. you often end up discovering way more interesting places than the intended message – i. neuroses. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 162 www. Misinterpreation . phobias. This is the upside of being a little bit stupid and a bad listener – you never have to try to screw things up – it happens automatically.

D 'n' A achieved. bike riding. REVENUE WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY Type 2: D 'n' A crushed by reality or put on hold because of job perks you can’t ignore This is where I take a few pages to talk about my job as a sound and light technician working for Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines: You’re getting paid to do a job you love doing. free shooters from the tequila girls. but it’s a big anticlimax – so now what? You need R&D therapy to UNLEASH YOUR POW: The Power Of Whatever Lets have a look at Type 1: SPARX 186: JUST HOW DELUDED ARE YOU? You want to win the lottery. and it all means that your big dreams get put on hold. tennis with a different pro on each island every day and topping it all off with the midnight buffet on the pool deck followed by dancing to the Caribbean band. you’re cruising the Caribbean. Now use it! What’s going on with you? SONG 34 DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR [LYRIX] I AM DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR IF IT’S OBVIOUS I’M SORRY BUT I REALLY HAVE TO HURRY TO THE POP TOP 40 GO ROUND I GOTTA BE ON THE TOP POP 40 GO ROUND DON’T YOU THINK WE LOOK RIDICULOUS DOING WHAT WE DO? OH BUT WE’RE SERIOUS ABOUT REVENUE. catamaran snorkelling. you’re mixing with showbiz people. This had to be the life! Or was it? Why did I have this permanent feeling that I should be doing something else with my life? Why did the fun have to end? This is type 2 disillusion: you’ve got higher aspirations than your current job. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION 1) Type 1: 2) Type 2: 3) Type 3: Hopelessly deluded D 'n' A (Dreams 'n' Aspirations). lunches at Carlos ‘n’ Charlies. but you can’t sing. Two ways to deal with it: © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 163 www. D 'n' A crushed by reality or put on hold because of job perks you can’t ignore. So what happens? You now have FOBAN: Fear Of Being A Nobody. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION 23. but you look like this: [pix] You want to be a singer.logicalstupidity. you’ve got your own cabin serviced daily.23. but you’re not even buying tickets. but you’re trapped by the reality of bills to pay or incredible job perks or both.com . You want to be a supermodel. BBQ’s on private islands.

the singers losing it with the horn section for blowing too loudly on stage. but you had to settle for the guy who gives the traffic reports.it was all happening on the headset techie network! And we haven’t even started on the ‘Who’s Doing What To Who’.com .logicalstupidity. Since the shows all ran like clockwork. which is where that song comes from. music lawyer or sound engineer. but you had to settle for music publisher. and it’s from this angle that all the backstage antics of showbiz life at sea are revealed: ‘Comms’ would stand for running commentary and we’d comment on everyone in the audience and on stage – cruise directors. Maybe you wanted to be a breakfast DJ. dancers getting seasick. all of us horndogs perving at the dancers. Done that. but you settled for interior designer. magicians & jugglers. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION 1) GET OUT! Break out of your comfort zone and follow the bigger dream.23. Would like to do that: Dilog MoviePitch ‘The Head Set – the show behind the show’ It’s called ‘The Head Set’ because that’s what we were – the sound. Maybe you wanted to be a rock star. or selling door handles in B&Q. All is about to be revealed! SPARX 187: WHERE DID YOUR DREAMS GO? WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN? SONG 35 DAY BY DAY [LYRIX] I’M AN EXTRA IN A MOST CONFUSING BORING B MOVIE IS THERE ANOTHER PART I COULD PLAY? HAVE A FEW MORE LINES TO SAY COULD YOU MAYBE CHANGE THE SCENERY? COULD YOU GIVE ME A SHOT AT THE LEAD? I COULD PLAY THAT PART I SWEAR IF YOU’D ONLY LET ME OUTA HERE Perhaps you really wanted to be an architect. What was supposed to happen BUT didn’t? © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 164 www. 2) Turn the situation into a movie by describing events and your feelings at the time. the musical director losing it with the drummer for losing the click track. light and video techs running the shows by talking on headsets. the follow-spot guy getting pissed off because ‘hey! that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about’ . mostly. light. comedians. diva singers throwing the biggest tantrums backstage. we’d talk about all kinds of other things besides sound. sets and video cues.

com .23. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION SONG 36 SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO [LYRIX] I'M STILL SINGING MY SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO I'VE BEEN ON LARRY KING LIVE IN MY HOLLYWOOD MIND I'VE BEEN INTERVIEWED BY OPRAH IN THE SHOWER BUT HERE I AM STILL SINGING SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO YEAH HERE I AM I’M STILL SINGING MY SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO THERE WAS GONNA BE THE BIG ONE TO TAKE ME TO THE MONEY OH BUT THIS ONE YOU HAVE TO DO FOR FREE SO I DID BUT IT DIDN'T SO HERE'S TO ALL THE GIGS I DID NOT GET HERE'S TO EVERYTHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AND THE FASCINATING PEOPLE I NEVER MET HERE'S TO MISSED OPPORTUNITY I WAS GONNA MAKE I WAS GONNA DO I WAS GONNA BE I WAS GONNA TRY I WAS GONNA BUY I WAS GONNA SEE THE WORLD WAS MINE SO HERE’S TO ALL OF MY SONGS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM THESE ARE MY SONGS THAT NOTHING EVER HAPPENED TO © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 165 www.logicalstupidity.

23. you ended up at the Holiday Inn bar. but it’s a big anti-climax – so now what? ‘BUT I STILL HAVEN’T FOUND WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR’ – U2 Why not? Are you sure the dreams you were chasing were yours? [LYRIX] SONG 38 HOMES DOGS BABIES [LYRIX] HOMES DOGS BABIES AND SECOND WIVES HOMES DOGS BABIES AND FOUR WHEEL DRIVES WELCOME TO THE WORLD. Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION And while waiting for your songs to become hits. DO YOU LIKE THE STORY SO FAR? DID YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOUR CALLING COULD BE? I DIDN’T THINK SO TRY BUY SEE DO MAYBE HAPPILY EVER AFTER TOO BETTER GET A JOB TO GO WITH THAT DEGREE ARE YOU STILL RUNNING ON THAT STORY? WELL COULD THERE BE ANY WONDER THAT IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE WHEN IT’S ALL BEEN CHOSEN FOR YOU FUNNY HOW IT SEEMS THAT EVERYTHING YOU BELIEVED IN ISN’T TRUE ANYMORE NOT EVEN YOUR RESUME WILL DO ANYMORE DOES YOUR RELIGION DO ANYMORE? WELL COULD THERE BE ANY WONDER THAT IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE WHEN IT’S ALL BEEN CHOSEN FOR YOU IT’S ALL A LITTLE HAZY WHEN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DOING HOMES DOGS BABIES AND SECOND WIVES HOMES DOGS BABIES AND FOUR WHEEL DRIVES © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 166 www.logicalstupidity. SONG 37 (repeat of 12) HAPPY HOUR IN THE HOLIDAY INN Type 3: The Treadmill of D 'n' A D 'n' A achieved.com .

23.com . Revealed: The 3 Types of DISILLUSION So what’s the solution? SPARX 191: SONG 39 WHAT ARE YOU CHASING AND WHY? THE BUZZ OF THE BUSINESS [LYRIX] SOME PEOPLE NEED TO GET A CUP O' COFFEE JUST TO GET THEM GOING NOT THIS LOONY I NEED MY DAILY FIX OF COMEDY AND HOPEFULLY I’LL BE OKAY I GET HIGH ON MONDAY MADNESS I GET OFF ON THE FRIDAY FREAK OUT THE MONEY THE YACHT THE JET THE CAR IT ALL MEANS NOTHING THE BUZZ OF THE BUSINESS IS WHAT GETS ME GOING SO JOIN ME ON THE TREADMILL IT’S FUN TO BE A RAT IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT THE MONEY BUT THAT’S WHERE THE PARTY’S AT WHEN YOUR LIFE BECOMES A COMEDY MY OWN SITUATION COMEDY AND I AM THE STAR OF THE SHOW TIME TICKING AWAY PUTTING A DEADLINE ON ME EVERYDAY BUT I DON’T GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN IT ALL I’M ALWAYS TAKING THE PISS SERIOUSLY WEIRD I’M A FREAKSHOW IT’S ALWAYS THE FUNNY SIDE I SEE WHEN THEN THERE ARE TOO MANY CONTRADICTIONS.logicalstupidity. AMBIGUITIES I’M NOT ALL THERE BEYOND REPAIR BUT I DON’T CARE MY FRUSTRATIONS HAVE GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE SO IT HAS TO BE FUNNY WHAT ELSE CAN IT BE? MY QUICK FIX THERAPY © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 167 www.

could be radio DJ’s. for Bush. Destructive kids who break other kids' toys and then give out advice on how to fix them.com . with a little nurturing. and how can you use it? How is that only kids and old people can say whatever they like? Well now you can too! We’re going to examine 5 methods to get your whacky back: 1) Sing a whacky song. This is a great pity because all kinds of lucrative careers are being snuffed out before they’ve had a chance to get going – e. or if the delusion was more serious.logicalstupidity.g. BELIEVE ME I’D RATHER BE CRAZY SANITY SUCKS I’D RATHER BE CUCKOO POTTY BATTY DOTTY BARMY LOOPY GUGGA FLIPPY DILLY MOGGY WHACKY BAZARO 2) Regression. a pathological liar. How To Get Your Whacky Back Or how to find your STUBID: Special Talent from a Unique Blessing In Disguise STUBIDs are evident at an early age. could make a brilliant lawyer. and how can we get it back? This is what R&D therapy is concerned with: what’s your basic malfunction. Those who love the sound of their own voice but don’t have much to say. Hopelessly deluded kids could have been speech writers for Blair. could be management consultants. 3) Trial & Error. SONG 40 SANITY SUCKS [LYRIX] SANITY SUCKS. 4) Soul Searching. but usually get diagnosed as ‘antisocial behaviour’ and snuffed out by Ritalin before they’ve had a chance to be discovered and unleashed. How To Get Your Whacky Back 24. Kids who play with guns and fail their music exams could be rappers. SONG 41 SEARCH YOUR SOUL [LYRIX] WHAT WILL YOU FIND? YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL BEYOND YOUR MIND GO AHEAD LOOT BACK TO FIND THE PATTERN BUT YOU’RE MOVING IN UNPREDICTABLE R汆NDOM FASHION © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 168 www.24. So where did your nutcase go.

24. THE REASON FOR THE WAY THAT YOU ARE SOMEWHAT CONTRADICTORY BUT LEAVE ME AS A MYSTERY OR THE MAGIC DISAPPEARS AS YOU BREAK ME DOWN SO DON’T DO IT TRUST ME AND WHAT I’M WEARING ON THE DAY YOU CAN TRUST ME FOR YOU CAN SEE WHAT I BELIEVE TRANSPARENCY LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE INSIDE OF ME TRUST ME FOR ALL OF WHO WE ARE © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 169 www.com . EMBRACE IT DON’T FIGHT IT THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE LIVING INSIDE YOU AND ALL OF THEM ARE TO BLAME IT’S PATHOLOGICAL. How To Get Your Whacky Back 5) Meditation.logicalstupidity. SONG 42 TRUST ME [LYRIX] FORGET ABOUT MEDITATION THAT SELF-EXAMINATION IS A LIE WHAT IS TRUE? THERE IS NO YOU YOU’RE NO CLOSER TO SOLUTION JUST THAT FINAL DESTINATION WHEN YOU DIE IT’S NOT MY PLACE TO GIVE ADVICE BUT IT’S THERE IF YOU LIKE IT FEED OFF THE CHAOS.

Phobias are designed to keep you alive. This explains why I have Theraphobia – fear of therapy of any sort – whether that comes in the form of private sessions or self-help seminars. like what job you should be doing – which you can figure out by process of elimination: if you’re scared of flying. How do you use them? Describe your symptoms and how you wish things could be better. So. My fascination with fear comes from the creative perspective: all fears. then study the lyrics of hit songs. anxieties and phobias can and should be used to work for you. THIS IS ALL CRAP I CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT IF I WASN’T SO EASILY DISTRACTED IF I WASN’T SO LAZILY PROCRASTINATED [LYRIX] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 170 www. There’s a reason you’re scared of snakes. but this is what audiences relate to the most. life saving is out. Yes. Without a fear factor of some sort you would have nothing to thrive on. or Oprah’s Book Club reading material. This is why fear exists – to keep you alive and sane. I’m terrified of spending £1856 on anything that promises to cure my fears. just by doing nothing. you probably shouldn’t be a pilot. because that fear will keep me happily cynical and £1856 richer. not against. If you don’t believe me. Creative Anxieties & Disorders SPARX 193: USE YOUR PHOBIAS – THRIVE ON THE FEARFACTOR You do not need any kind of therapy to cure you of phobias.com . spiders and stingrays – it’s related to your fear of dying. with this in mind – here are a few of my anxieties set to music: 1) Critophobia How do you use it? Describe the symptoms: SONG 43 THIS IS ALL CRAP. Creative Anxieties & Disorders 25. it’s embarrassing to reveal all your deepest darkest fears. And this is not a fear I wish to confront. You wouldn’t choose to go into motivational speaking if you were scared of public speaking or falling in love with yourself. Fears tell you everything you need to know. This is how your phobias send you clear messages as to what you should be doing.25. If you’re afraid of water. And you’d probably want to stay out of politics if you were scared of coming across as delusional. You don’t even have to go as far as the part where you overcame.logicalstupidity.

self-help guru’s and politicians. and can eventually end up with not believing scientifically proven things – like those washing powder commercials with microscopic diagrams showing you exactly how the dirt is removed. How to use it: become the enemy. then kill it off. Creative Anxieties & Disorders 2) PCO: Previous Culture Overdose Extreme sensitivity to any type of old culture that’s been blatantly regurgitated as new culture. If not treated it can develop into: Acute Belief Intolerance: You don’t allow any media into your life at all. What do you have to say? SONG 45 ONE BIG RADIO STATION [LYRIX] YOU DON’T OWN YOUR OPINION YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK WE’VE TAKEN CONTROL OF YOUR MIND ALL YOUR SENSES ARE OURS NOW… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 171 www.com . SONG 44 LET THEM DIE [LYRIX] 4) Belief Intolerance You accept nothing that anyone tells you. Just the thought of being dragged along to see any revival or back catalogue musical drives you 3) MADD: Musical Attention Deficit Disorder How to use it: become the enemy.logicalstupidity. It starts off not believing completely unbiased news reports. Imagine you’ve just been made CEO of Fizer Macdonald’s & Turner and you’re facing the press. believing that everything is a massive globalisation conspiracy for large corporations to manipulate your mind and take over the world.25.

25. sufferers constantly seek attention. Creative Anxieties & Disorders 5) Blockphobia Fear of writer’s block SPARX 3: IT AWAY’ ‘DESCRIBE THE SYMPTOMS OF THE PROBLEM THEN WISH SONG 4 WAKE ME SHOCK ME SHAKE ME OUT OF MY STUPID ZONE [LYRIX] 6) Overactive Imagination 7) LOITGAN: Lots Of Ideas That Go Absolutely Nowhere 8) MUSAFID: Making Up Stupid Acronyms For Invented Disorder can lead to you getting 9) ANOID: Absolutely Nowhere from Overactive Imagination Disorder 10) FOBAN: Fear Of Being A Nobody (new disorder) Describe the symptoms: Repeat SONG 34 [LYRIX] I AM DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE POPULAR IF IT’S OBVIOUS I’M SORRY BUT I REALLY HAVE TO HURRY TO THE POP TOP 40 GO ROUND I GOTTA BE ON THE TOP POP 40 GO ROUND… Repeat SONG 13 TWO SONGS [LYRIX] And let's not forget FFAF Disorder: Famous For Absolutely Flufall. FFAF Disorder is experienced by those who’ve become famous for reasons unrelated to inherent talent. Since the fame is based entirely on external approval. The opposite of FOBAN. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 172 www.com . usually making complete twats of themselves in public for our entertainment pleasure.logicalstupidity.

26. Critics – How To Use Them Constructively The creative power of negative inspiration from rejection For every criticism there’s an equal and opposite reaction… Tracy Emin often has rocks thrown through the window of her art studio.com . in order of obviousness… 1) Physical 2) Verbal 3) Rejection letters 4) Reviews Then we’re going to use all the rocks thrown at you as inspiration for more products and songs. What does she do about it? She uses them to build more artworks. which is the objective of this chapter: to help you identify the signs that you suck. Critics . Using various devices we’re going to arrive at: SONG 46 PAID TO BE OUTRAGEOUS [LYRIX] YOU DON’T LIKE MY MUSIC BUT THE DRINKS ARE FREE THAT’S THE ONLY REASON YOU’RE HERE WITH YOUR POISON IN THE PEN YOU’RE A DICTAPHONE RAT YOU DON’T LIKE MY MUSIC BUT I’M OKAY WITH THAT BECAUSE YOU GET PAID TO BE OUTRAGEOUS SO THAT’S WHAT YOU’VE GOT TO TRY TO BE AND I GET LAID BECAUSE I’M FAMOUS SO THAT’S WHAT I’VE GOT TO TRY TO BE SO GO AHEAD TAKE ME IN CHEW ME UP SPIT ME OUT IT’S SO MUCH FUN TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY SONG 47 SONG 48 FLUFF YOU ALL [LYRIX] JUST BE YOU AND I’LL BE ME [LYRIX] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 173 www.logicalstupidity.How To Use Them Constructively 26.

How To Use Them Constructively SONG 49 WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE [LYRIX] WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SONG? WHY THE WHOLE PRODUCTION? IT SOUNDED SO MUCH BETTER IN MY BEDROOM MY SOUL IS NOT FOR SALE AND THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW THAT I’M REAL YOU CAN TELL BY THE FACT THAT I’LL NEVER SELL OUT HE PUT THE ENVELOPE IN MY HAND HE SAID THAT’S FOR YOU AND THE BAND IT WAS GREEN IT WAS MINE I SAID WHERE DO I SIGN TO JOIN YOU ON THE TOP 40 I REALLY LOVE WHAT YOU DID TO MY SONG WHAT AN AMAZING PRODUCTION IT WAS GREEN IT WAS MINE I SAID WHERE DO I SIGN TO JOIN YOU ON THE TOP 40 MONEY-GO-ROUND YOU KNOW IT’S A RUSE. mostly because you’re always too far up your own ass to be able to tell. Working in isolation – you may feel like you’re connecting to people but ultimately you’re an isolated screen starer – your only form of human contact coming from virtual hugs and pokes. The digital revolution is partly responsible for this: Affordable technology – made you think you’re a musician.logicalstupidity. Critics .com . © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 174 www. It’s not something you can decide on your own.26. SO MANY LIES AND THEN YOU BECOME THE VERY THING THAT YOU DESPISE WE DON’T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE WE HAVE TO MAKE MONEY Big-time sucking is an honour awarded to you by others. moviemaker or graphic artist.

the whole world would be interested in whatever you had to say. and that. It also goes through: 7 important reasons for sucking: 1. I’ve spoken.logicalstupidity. Steven Spielberg. Marriages.How To Use Them Constructively The preoccupation with your own thoughts. Not necessarily: PiX/photo: ‘Innovation101 has 0 friends’ (This is a pic taken of my myspace friends section) You soon found out that you’re very much alone and you suck. Seriously. 6. 3. Audiences need to be told what to think. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 175 www. but can you make it without? This requires a skill set that no university or music school can offer: • • • • • • • • • • • Producers have to be slept with or framed. Top ten lists have to be created and sent to the press. The challenge – anyone can make it with natural talent. Critics . made you start hallucinating that you’re better than the combined creative output of U2. tans and intelligence all have to be faked. Offspring or adopted babies have to be given twatish names. Visits to rehab have to be co-ordinated around gig schedules. ‘Wardrobe malfunctions’ have to be choreographed. You’re part of the wheel of progress – you’re the one pushing the envelope. just because it took you a year to get your masterpiece on myspace. this chapter goes through all the signs that you suck and how to use them as inspiration. First draft is out the way. Retaliation energy for building more artworks. At least people know about you! That means they’re aware of your existence – way better than nobody knowing about you at all! 5.com . Comparative function – how would anyone know what was good if you didn’t suck? 4. combined with a certain frequency of your computer fan. Rumours and porn videos have to fabricated and spread on the Internet. And in case you still haven’t found this out. 7. Shakespeare and Michelangelo. Tyres need to be slashed if not printed. Journalists have to be lunched. sometimes licked.26. Ego’s have to be stroked. Pictures of you getting your toes licked on private yachts need to be published. 2. Total creative freedom.

This is where you find pure inspiration as you begin to piece all the nonsense together – e. how come she’s instantly reminded of everything she needs to tell me only when I turn on the TV? How is it that she can handle the bikini wax. tummy tuck. the source of all life. or remembering the exact lines she uses. Which is what we’re going to do with various stages of the relationship… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 176 www. colonic irrigation. the catalyst of all creation – that which makes Absolutely No Sense Whatso Ev R – The ANSWER to everything! There’s no need for intergalactic space travel to solve the mysteries of the universe when you can find the same mysteries deep inside the meshugganah middle.com . Step 4: At another time and place (so that you’re calmer and can think rationally) examine all requests and complaints. You will now find yourself in the interpreation zone. which will take every bit of concentration you have. taking particular note of the knowledge vacuum between both extremes. nose job. but don’t get caught.logicalstupidity. honey?’ ‘What’s the matter?’ ‘What can I say to make it better?’ ‘What do you mean by that?’ Step 2: Ask questions that have ‘everything’ answers: ‘What’s it going to take to make you happy?’ Step 3: Insist on specific examples and actually listen this time. Don’t try to think of anything to say. botox. If you have trouble listening. nipples & clit and yet she’s not prepared to take it up the ass because it hurts? What’s up with that? I’ll tell you: OOPS – Observation Of Pure Stupidity. deep inside the paradox. or the Origin Of Planets & Stars. movies. (which is why it’s called the meshugganah middle). articles & products Step 1: Ask questions that result in ‘nothing’ answers: ‘What’s up?’ ‘What’s going on?’ ‘What’s wrong. you need to focus all your attention on just listening. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration How to think inside the paradox of love in order to use your partner as a catalyst for songs. All you have to do is ask the right questions and set your answers to dialogue and music. pierced tongue.g. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration 27. the boob job. the Centre Of Confusion inside a Unique Problem (the COC-UP). I have no idea who started circulating that text but I do know that it comes from the very centre of the paradox. then use a Dictaphone.27.

she’s concerned about her ability to attract men: SONG 51 CHOOSING MEN WHO NEVER LOVE ME [LYRIX] Man left thinking he should have stuck with his first love: SONG 52 MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT/ SONG 53 NOW THAT I’M BACK [LYRIX] Man experiences 3-month itch and is desperate for a change of scenery.27.com . there’s a pregnancy scare: SONG 54 TOODALOO SHE’S NOT FEELING WELL IN THE MORNING I SAW HER SEARCHING FOR A CALENDAR COULD THIS MEAN. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration General flirting: SONG 59 WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO Internet flirting – His perspective: SONG 16 JACKIE’S JUST A JPEG Both perspectives: SONG 17 DOWNLOADING OUR LIVES AWAY st [LYRIX] [LYRIX] [LYRIX] 1 Date leads to regular dating and eventually moving in.logicalstupidity. I’LL BE SEEING A LOT MORE OF THIS GIRL THAN I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD OH DEAR. Added to that. WHAT DO I DO NOW? SHE’S LOVELY BUT NOT REALLY MY CUP O’ TEA I COULD SURELY DO BETTER. I QUIT I’M OUTA HERE IT’S NOT YOU IT’S ME I NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY DON’T YOU FOLLOW ME AROUND LIKE A PUPPY DOG DON’T YOU FOLLOW ME AROUND AT ALL LIKE A POODLE ON A STRING YOU’RE A PRETTY LITTLE THING BUT BABY YOU DRIVE ME UP THE WALL WITH YOUR TAKE ME SHOW ME BUY ME DO ME TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME EVERYDAY WELL I DON’T HAVE TO ANYMORE WE’RE GOING TO GET ALONG JUST FINE DEAR NOW THAT YOU WON’T BE GETTING IN MY WAY TOODALOO… OUR LOVE DIDN’T FLY OUT THE WINDOW IT WASN’T THERE TO BEGIN WITH BUT I’M SO GLAD THAT I MET YOU BECAUSE NOW I KNOW WHAT I’M NOT LOOKING FOR TOODALOO… [LYRIX] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 177 www. Man gets a little too comfortable too quickly and the honeymoon is over – Her perspective: SONG 8 HE’S ONLY A MAN [LYRIX] Man left with serious doubts about his choice: SONG 50 WHAT WAS I THINKING? [LYRIX] th Since this is the 5 time this has happened. SO COULD SHE I THINK IT’S TIME TO TELL HER THAT SHE’S ONLY TEMPORARY TOODALOO SO LONG GIRL I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU SO I WROTE IT IN A SONG AND THIS IS IT.

BABY YOU CRACK ME UP AND WHEN I’M DOWN YOU’LL BE THE CLOWN I NEED TO HAVE AROUND WHEREVER WE GO IT’S A TRIP TO THE ZOO I’M LIVING IN A HELIUM BALLOON THAT’S GETTING ME HIGH ON WEIRD WHACKY WONDERFUL YOU WE GOT A LUNI LOVE.com . THAT’S WHAT WE GOT WE GOT CARTOONY LOVE. THAT’S WHAT WE GOT WE GOT CARTOONY LOVE.27. BABY YOU CRACK ME UP YOU GOT ME GIGGLING AWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT JUST THINKING BOUT WHAT YOU DID THE NIGHT BEFORE YOU’RE SO TRIPPY YOU’RE SO FLIPPY YOU’RE SO WAY BEYOND REPAIR YOUR ELEVATOR DON’T GO TO THE TOP FLOOR WE GOT A LUNI LOVE. THAT’S WHAT WE GOT WE GOT CARTOONY LOVE. BABY YOU CRACK ME UP FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY WILL KEEP US YOUNG FOREVER FUNNY WILL BE THERE TO SAVE THE DAY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY YOU DON’T HAVE TO TRY TO BE BABY YOU JUST DO WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR MESHUGGANAH CABARET © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 178 www.logicalstupidity. Using Relationships as a Source of Inspiration So who’s to blame? Both parties! Solution: Innovation in romance – here’s how to keep it fresh: SONG 55 LUNI LOVE [LYRIX] YOU GOT ME CUCKOO POTTY BATTY DOTTY BARMY LOOPY GUGGA FLIPPY DILLY MOGGY WHACKY BAZARRO IT’S THE WAY YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME IN THE BATHROOM MIRROR THE MESSAGE YOU LEAVE ME IN MY UNDERWEAR IT’S THE WAY YOU WAKE ME UP AND I DON’T MEAN WITH COFFEE IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO THAT TELL ME WE GOT A LUNI LOVE.

Tapping Into The Collective Trashcan Proactive shmoactive – you can’t ‘just do it’ and there are plenty of reasons why you can’t. For example. Tapping Into The Collective Trashcan 28.28. Tap into these reasons and you’re inside the collective trashcan of rubbish that unites us all. junk mail and everything making you wait. JUST ANOTHER PHASE OF MY LIFE JUST WENT BY IN A FLASH WHAT WAS THAT? THAT WAS YOUR LIFE.logicalstupidity. it’s also making everybody else wait. office gossip. YOU’RE HALFWAY THERE IT’S DOWNHILL ALL THE WAY TO YOUR ROCKING CHAIR WHAT WAS THAT? © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 179 www. Whatever it is. so describe the symptoms of your pain and you’re SONG 56 WAITING [LYRIX] WAITING FOR THE BUS TO COME OR THE PLANE TO GO WAITING FOR THE FISH TO BITE OR THE SNOW TO SNOW WAITING FOR A YES OR A NO OR THE PHONE TO RING WAITING TO HEAR WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY WAITING FOR MY SPECIAL SOMEONE TO JUST POP INTO MY LIFE IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE IT’S GONNA HAPPEN THAT WAY WAITING FOR MY LIFE TO BEGIN X3 AND THE NIGHTS TURN INTO DAYS BACK INTO NIGHTS.com .

logicalstupidity. This is about finding your USP (Unique Sales Point) as well as your UFP: Unique Failure Point. to create a new box just for you.com . Finding The Niche Within Your Niche You know what you’re good at. but we’re not: Sony – ‘Like no other’ Nationwide – ‘Proud to be different’ Virgin – ‘We turn radio on its head’ © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 180 www. and you know what makes you money. You don’t need to think outside any boxes if you merge all the boxes you love. and then blowing them way out of proportion: There are issues in defining what you do – you’re going to use all them: 1) The Label Paradox: How do you stick a label on what you do when you do so many things? 2) The Paradox of Customer Satisfaction: They only like what they know. 3) The Paradox of Nonconformity: JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE I WANNA BE DIFFERENT BUT EVERYBODY ELSE JUST WANTS TO BE LIKE ME We all think we’re all different. yet they’re drawn to what’s new and different.29. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche 29.

logicalstupidity. Except for me – there’s no label for what I do: SONG 57 YOU WANT A LABEL FOR MY SHOW [LYRIX] SO THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE IN FOR SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO BUT A LABEL IS TOO EASY AND IT STOPS YOU LISTENING TO ME IT’S ABSURD TO USE A WORD FOR WHAT I DO I AM GENRE DEFYING I'M NOT PART OF ANY SCENE I SEE NO REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T PLAY THEM ALL SO PLEASE DON'T PUT ME THROUGH YOUR PIGEONHOLE VENDING MACHINE WHEN THE ONLY THING I AM IS COMPLETELY OFF THE WALL MAYBE IT’S POETRY MAYBE IT’S PROSE MAYBE IT’S SOME KIND OF MUSIC NOBODY KNOWS BUT I WILL NOT BE TAKEN PRISONER BY THE LABEL THAT YOU GIVE MY CONFUSING MIX OF FUSION CABARET IS IT FUNKY HOUSE HIP HOPRA? AFRICAN ZULU BHANGRA? IS IT RAP OR RAVE OR HEAVY METAL REGGAE? WELL TOMORROW I'M MOVING ON WITH A WHOLE NEW THING I'M DOING TECHNO TRANCE COUNTRY OVER BIG BAND SWING BUT YOU WANT A LABEL FOR MY SHOW… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 181 www. there’s always some kind of label that covers what you do. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche But no matter how different you think you are.29.com .

if you love pop. to create a ‘uniche’ in the Meshugganah middle Too broad ‘All the party people in the house. rock. 3. you don’t need to choose. 4. Find your UFP: Unique Failure Point – then use it. Remove one ingredient.logicalstupidity. Here’s how you can have it all! SONG 58 MONEY GO ROUND THE POP MACHINE [LYRIX] © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 182 www. Find your USP. Have it all! Combine everything you love. Finding The Niche Within Your Niche So what’s the solution to the label dilemma? MAKE IT THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT How? 1.com .29. reggae and jazz. to create a new box just for you – e. Exaggerate it way out of proportion.’ Too narrow ‘Here’s a song for all black Republican lesbian vegetarian pot smokers out there…lemme see who you are…’ Find the meshugganah middle zone: Here’s one for all the lesbian party people in the house You can find the meshugganah middle by combining the boxes you love. 2.g. let me hear you say: yeah. 5.

30. and flirting for romance. 4) In the department store – perfume section. SPARX 214: USE THE SITUATION. 3) In the supermarket – standing in line at the checkout. 2) In the supermarket – standing in the Q of Indecision. NOT A CHAT-UP LINE Case studies: 1) At the gym. and being a dickhead Bumlicking. Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky 30. Method: The STALK & POUNCE and the 3 essential poses you need to learn. you’re going to have to understand the complex network of relationships going on above you and below you. 5) Waiting at the carwash. at some point you’re going to have to get connected to the people who can make it happen for you. Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky or ‘the art of flirting for information’ (whichever tagline works best for you) No matter how amazing your product is. It’s knowing who’s doing what to who… © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 183 www. it’s not even who. 2) Target Schmoozing: For when you know who the right people are to meet and where to meet them. 6) Random street encounter. This is why you need a crash course in Schmoozing 1a. it’s not what you know. We’re also going to examine the two essential types of schmoozing: 1) Impulse Schmoozing: Used on people who you feel need to be met – based on your gut instinct. and brown-nosing Flirting for business.com . So forget your resume.logicalstupidity. where we’ll examine the fine lines between: Having chutzpah. HEY THAT’S A PRETTY LIL PUPPY YOU GOT THERE LADY WANNA GET A CUP O’ COFFEE? NO? OKAY. AT LEAST I SAW YOU SMILING WHEN YOUR EYES MEET ON A BUSY STREET OR WAITING FOR THE ELEVATOR TALK TO THE GIRL COS YOU NEVER KNOW IF THIS IS YOUR MOMENT IN TIME TO MEET FLIRTING FOR INFORMATION If you want to know how you fit into any organization.

Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky SPARX 213: FIND OUT WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO SONG 59 WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO [LYRIX] THERE’S ALWAYS A REASON WHY THINGS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE AROUND HERE AND IF YOU LISTEN TO THE STORIES AT THE BAR YOU’LL GET THE PICTURE PRETTY QUICKLY IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHY SHE GOT THE JOB INSTEAD OF YOU IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHY THINGS HAPPEN THE WAY THEY DO.com .30. BAGGAGE. SECRETARY GOSSIP QUEEN AND SO SHE SHOULD BE COS SHE’S GOT THE DISH IN THE ZOO SHE’S OUR FRIEND COS WE ALL WANNA KNOW… WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO JACKIE. DIVORCEE SHE’S IN FOR A FLING VERY SEXY SHE’S ALSO GETTING DRUNK AND JEALOUS IN THE CORNER I SEE HER DEEP IN CONVERSATION WITH MY LAWYER MY LOVELY EX WIFE TRYING TO CONTROL MY SEX LIFE SHE’S GOT TO MAKE IT HER BUSINESS TO KNOW WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO FLYING TO THE MEETING ON THE PLANE YOU MEET SUE SHE SAYS ‘CALL ME HERE’S MY NUMBER LOVE TO SEE YA’ SO WHAT DO YOU DO? IS THIS CONFUSING? WHEN YOU’RE SO HAPPILY MARRIED AND SO IS SUSAN DON’T YOU DARE EVEN THINK ABOUT WHO MIGHT BE DOING WHAT TO WHO HOP ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND THERE’S SO MUCH LOVE FOR EVERYBODY EENI MEENI MINIE MOE GRAB SOMEBODY THERE YOU GO THERE YOU GO THERE YOU GO YOU’VE GOT TO LOVE IT WHEN IT HAPPENS TO YOU © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 184 www.logicalstupidity. FIND OUT WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO NOW ISN’T THAT CHERYL OVER THERE ALL OVER PETER AND SHE’S ONLY ON HER SECOND MARGARITA SHE’S THINKING WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE HIM LOVE ME OH HONEY FOR A START YOU COULD BE A BOY THIS LADY REALLY DOESN’T HAVE MUCH CLUE AS TO WHO’S DOING WHAT TO WHO MEET MISS LUCY.

com . Schmoozing: The Proactive Approach to Getting Lucky Summary of Schmoozing: SONG 60 SCHMOOZING [LYRIX] PARTY OF THE YEAR.30. IT’S AMAZING WHEN YOU FIND YOU CAN LOOK THE PART EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT BUT BE YOURSELF AND IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO THAT IS THEN BE SOMEBODY FASCINATING WHAT YOU SAY AND WHAT YOU KNOW DON’T HAVE TO BE RELATED WHEN YOU JOIN THE CONVERSATION YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING BUT YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DO AT THE HEY-LOOK-AT-ME-IT’S-A-PARTY JOIN THE WAM-BAM-BAFFALO-JAM TELL-THEM-WHAT’S-A-HAPPENANG BALDERDASH BOOGALOO ONCE YOU’RE IN YOU’RE IN NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE HEY YOU’RE MISTER COOL SCHMOOZING WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME? 30 (20.logicalstupidity. WHO WILL EVER KNOW? ONCE YOU’RE IN YOU’RE IN NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE HEY YOU'RE MISTER COOL SCHMOOZING BY THE BALDERDASH BOOGALOO ONCE YOU’RE IN YOU’RE IN NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE HEY YOU’RE MISTER COOL SCHMOOZING BY THE BAR WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME? 30 (20. 10) SECONDS AND I’M MOVING ON SPEAK X3 IT’S NOT WHAT YOU ARE THAT HOLDS YOU BACK BUT RATHER WHAT YOU THINK YOU HAVEN’T GOT KEEP THAT IN MIND. 10) SECONDS AND I’M MOVING ON SPEAK X3 © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 185 www. A DAZZLING AFFAIR ANYONE WHO’S ANYONE WILL BE THERE SO YOU DIDN’T MAKE THE LIST DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO MISS OUT ON ANYTHING SO HERE’S WHAT YOU DO PUT ON YOUR POSING FACE LOOK LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE LOOK THE DOORMAN IN THE EYE AND SAY HELLO THE MAITRE DE WILL UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU SAY YOU’RE WITH THE BAND WHATEVER.

The Art of Making Stuff Up 31.com .logicalstupidity.if it doesn’t exist. Hysterical Accuracy – The Art of Making Stuff Up OR ‘existential innovation’ .31. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 186 www. Hysterical Accuracy . make it ‘Now rich in book. movie & product ideas’ How others have made a fortune from PIFYAFFING: Pulling Ideas From Your Asspirations For FINancial Gain. And how you can do the same.

just voice your confusion along the way. CapitaLIES – On All Of Them DYSFUNCTIONAL NIGHTMARES = FINANCIAL DREAMS You’ve been criticised and analysed. so all that’s left is to CAPITALISE. because it’s all going to change by tomorrow.com . Change your mind as often as you like.On All Of Them 32. by going ahead and making the meshugganah movies of your mind.32. CapitaLIES .logicalstupidity. that’s why… SONG 62 THEME SONG [LYRIX] I’M GIVING YOU A THEME SONG TO FOLLOW EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT BE WRONG TOMORROW UNCERTAINTY IS ALL THAT WE KNOW I HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU THERE’S NO REASON FOR MY SONG COS AT THE END OF THE DAY THERE ISN'T AN END OF THE DAY (YOU’VE GOT TO COME TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSION) BUT THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING TO SING AT THE END OF A SHOW ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE WONDERING? SO HERE IT IS YOUR THEME SONG TO FOLLOW: GIVING YOU A THEME SONG TO FOLLOW EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT BE WRONG TOMORROW I’M JUST KIDDING WITH YOU THIS IS THE SONG TO TAP YOUR TOE TO THIS IS THE SONG WE’RE SINGING: IT'S A HIT OR A FLOP OR IT'S OVER THE TOP OR IT SUCKS AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHY IS IT HIP IS IT HOT? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT UNTIL YOU THROW IT UP AND WATCH IT FLY © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 187 www.

Inspiration & Acknowledgements (too difficult to separate) Companies cited as examples of innovation 3M – post its Aardman Animation Argos Aer Lingus American Airlines Apple Argos Bank of Scotland BBC Blockbuster BMW BP Braun British Airways British Gas British Government BT Broadband Bud light Calvin Klein Carlsberg Carphone Warehouse Channel 4 Citroen – robot car ads CNN Coke Domino’s Dreamworks Duracell Ford Gillette GlaxoSmithKline Golden Palace Casino Google Guinness – ‘good things are worth waiting for’ Holiday Inn Honda – ‘the power of dreams’ HSBC – ‘the world’s local bank’ Ikea Intel ITV Jaguar – ‘because gorgeous is worth it’ Jeep Jewish Film festival UK John Lewis Kellogg’s Lexus M&S MacDonald’s Max Factor Microsoft Mitsubishi MSN messenger Nationwide – ‘proud to be different’ Nike – ‘just do it’ Oli online clothing Orange – togetherness campaign Oxo Pixar Animation Porsche Redbull Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines Shell – bendy straw ad Sky TV Sony Ericsson Sony Playstation South African Airlines SPCA Starbucks Tetris Tom Tom Satnav Travelodge Virgin Vodafone – ‘make the best of now’ Volvo Yahoo Youtube Zurich Bank – ‘because change happenz’ And quite a few more.Bibliography.logicalstupidity. but these are just off the top of my head © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 188 www.com . Inspiration & Acknowledgements Bibliography.

Evening Standard Heat Magazine London Lite Mail on Sunday Metro New Scientist Newsweek Observer The Independent The Sun The Times Time Magazine © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 189 www. Inspiration & Acknowledgements TV shows cited Abbey House America’s funniest videos Big Brother Brothers & Sisters Curb Your Enthusiasm Desperate Housewives Dr.logicalstupidity. Phil Everybody Loves Raymond Fear factor I’m a celebrity get me outa here Jackass Jerry Springer Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous Malcolm in the Middle MTV My Name is Earl Nip Tuck Opera Pimp My Ride Seinfeld Sex and the City Simpsons Skins The Sarah Silverman Program Weeds X-factor Magazines & Newspapers quoted (all references cited in body of text) City A. Katz Dr.Bibliography.M.com .

(Well I’m still in the poor shmuck phase and ready to try being a rich prick) Ricky Gervais going on about Creationism in Animals Scott Adams going on about the absurdities of the workplace Jonathan Shapiro (Zapiro) going on about the weirdness in South Africa Einstein going on about relativity and quantum mechanics Newton going on about his 3rd law – the one about actions and reactions and opposite forces Heisenberg going on about uncertainty and that you can’t really be sure of anything. They were all saying the same thing. March 24 2005 (I forget which magazine though) The Torah and The Haggadah Loads of signs. regardless of whether they’re listening or not Some philosophy from the men’s loo in Hampstead Heath A conversation I overheard at the barber. lingerie section The free cooking magazine you get from M&S Instruction manuals for kitchen appliances Weekly horoscope for Leo. notices. and still later from a passerby on a cellphone.logicalstupidity. and labels on bottles & packages All kinds of magazine articles – from New Scientist. my nephew The catchy bits of every song and TV ad embedded in my subconscious The mad postman who talks loudly to everyone. But how did he know that? David Gest going on about needing some sugar and ‘I don’t do dishes’ Woody Allen going on about how life is divided into the horrible and the miserable John Stewart going on about all the contradictions and hypocrisies in American politics Steve Jobs going on about the importance of loving what you do Steven Wright going on about depression – that it’s just anger without enthusiasm Sacha Baron Cohen going on about the dangers of indifference and fighting it through Borat. the 40 years of misery. Weird. disclaimers. 5. Ali G & Bruno Paul McCartney going on about his memory being almost full Many of the ideas in this book come from imaginary conversations I had with all of the above. all the way down to Heat Magazine Finger paintings from Rayno Greenwall Cohen. let’s do it’ Nike going on about ‘just do it’ Larry David going on about all the yelling in his family. becoming a rich prick after being a poor shmuck and being able to work with complete freedom – since money and success never concerned him.com . Scotland branch Telemarketers very kindly informing me of the latest upgrade deals – Bangladesh branch The birds outside my window singing their dawn chorus – good advice but bad timing My mother – bad advice but good timing George Bush going on about the answer to terrorism Clinton going on about the answer to Aids (something about abstinence!?) Rich Homer Simpson going on about mmmmm donuts Vicky Pollard going on about nothing specific Richard Branson going on about ‘screw it. and then a similar one on the 82 bus. 6 & 7: all references marked by and Email forwards The Sky TV Guide The Argos Catalogue. © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 190 www. Inspiration & Acknowledgements BIBLIOGRAPHY The Internet – volume 4.Bibliography. huh? BT broadband help desk.

Ruth Solomon. mostly by showing us the brighter and funnier side of life.5% Mission completed at 02:05 – that’s it. Edward and Rayno Greenwall Cohen. Word count: 120 508 (Project name: Logical Stupidity) 3RD DATE OF COMPLETION: 1/6/07 Pages: 607. Kipley Wentz. Gillian Brock and Nicky Greenwall. Cole Van Dais. Dr. And multiple imagined and real conversations with my favourite comedian and advisor: My father. ©2007 BY PETER GREENWALL © Peter Greenwall 2007 Page 191 www. Word count: 250 297 New project mission: do a scaled down 20% free version 5TH DATE OF COMPLETION: 11/10/07 55062 words out of 258053 = 19. Inspiration & Acknowledgements There were also real conversations with real friends: Avi Azulai. Gerald and Daniel Reinders. Joseph.) Cameo appearances by family: My mother – Shirley Kellner. I should get some rest. Word count: 198 348 (17095 more than The 1st Testament) 4TH DATE OF COMPLETION: 23/9/07 Pages: 735. With extended family cameo’s featuring: Mark Ledger. Sara-kai Friedgood. get their titles & credits wrong and roll them in the wrong order. leave out a few people.com . Vicki Davis. Andrew. Evon Greenwall. Dr.Bibliography. By accident. Word count: 99875 (Project name: Rehash & Disguise) 2ND DATE OF COMPLETION: 23/3/07 Pages: 411. SPARX 217: DRAW UP A CREDIT LIST Draw up a list of rolling credits for the production known as ‘my life’. Watch the sparks fly! Inspiration from all directions… PROJECT PROGRESS REPORT: Start date: 31/ 08/04 Project mission: rewrite ‘FLOPSTAR’ PROPOSED FINISH DATE: end of 2004 Get hopelessly sidetracked and then: 1ST DATE OF COMPLETION: 27/11/06 Pages: 328. but it’s the only way you guys will buy the book. Candida Fridman and 40 others who’ll have to buy the book to find out how they fit in. Ryno Greenwall (1935-2002) – who always encouraged me to ‘go for it’ and who gave joy to all who knew him. Linda Greenwall Cohen. Henry Cohen. sisters – Dr. (Sorry.logicalstupidity. good night. David Curtis.