December 2011

OUR SECRET IS OUT!

Supermercado Tropical Big Lee’s Beach Bar El Jardin y Algo Mas Restaurant Chino
Los Tres Cocos
What To Do This Month Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

Even Santa knows that the North Coast is the best place to spend Christmas! See you on the beach!

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Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Fine dining at it’s best! They will be holding special dinners for both Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve.Call 809-9934503 for details. Loase Resort & Spa is holding the official Grand Opening of ‘Play It Again’ Sam’s Bar & Grill on December 3rd. Happy Hour noon-7pm with great drink prices. Dance with Annette free on December 8th & 22nd at 7pm. Party for December Birthdays on December 10th - all welcome! Breakfast service begins on December 12th. Formal New Year’s Eve Dinner & Party on December 31st. At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you’ll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Saturdays is Sancocho! This month they will hold their Austrian Evening on Tuesday December 20th starting at 7pm. For the annual Christmas Day on the beach they will be offering a Roast Pork buffet for RD$350. And you can see the fireworks on the beach at their New Year’s Eve Party! They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors! Pascual’s Good Food on Costambar Beach specializes in seafood from their live lobster tank. Karaoke Party every Friday night! Also available for parties and events! The Happy Hippo is closed from December 24th to January 3rd.

Now open in Costambar Galeria de Arte Sol. Why not drop by and find out what they have planned for January! Watch artist Carlo Arcesi work. And Annette still has dance classes available Tuesday evenings at 7:30pm or Wednesday mornings at 10am. Sharky’s Bar & Grill in Costambar is bringing the fun times back to town! Hans is back with Darts on Tuesday nights. Wednesdays is the house specialty - Buffalo Wings! Rockin’ Karaoke with Shawn & Ken on Friday nights and put on your dancin’ shoes for Retro Dance Saturdays! They have a Foosball Table, Pool Table and Satellite TV for all sporting events. AND - Charo is in charge of the menu! Join them December 25th for Christmas Dinner cooked by Ruth. Space is limited so book early. Then bring in 2012 with a rockin’ New Year’s Eve Party starting at 7pm. MarLou’s Restaurant is having Christmas Eve Dinner on December 24th with turkey and all the trimmings - reservations only. And they are planning a very special dinner for New Year’s Eve. Saturdays is Karaoke from 9pm. Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food on the North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and calle Principal in Cabarete. Opening December 2nd in Costambar is Syl’s Place. Grand Opening Party on December 16th!! December 17th will be Beer Pong. Happy Hour every day from 4-7pm. Fridays is her popular Fish & Chips/Onion Rings. Sundays is Sancocho. The Anchor in Costambar invites you for a drink on them on December 4th and a sneek peak at their new nighttime menu that will be starting on December 8th. They will also be holding a raffle for local charities.

Big Lee’s Beach Bar is aiming to be the new hotspot on the Malecon in Puerto Plata. Try his new steamed hot dogs with all the fixings! American music and free popcorn! Look for the 7 foot electric palm tree! IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to Why not try El Jardin y Algo Mas for something different? This month try their fabulous Swiss Cheese Fondue!
services every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate Security, turn on the right side toward the power plant, 100 meters on the right side.

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CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE 33foot sailboat, Glander Tavana class yawl, good condition/ minor work needed, less than 1500 hours on new 20 horse Kuboto engine and trans. A MUST SEE! Located in Luperon bay. Call Sean @ (809) 782-2534. WANTED Does any one have a lathe for sale either for metal or for wood, and also a Bandsaw. Tel: 809 970 3287 or 809 649 0345, email: bobyk@libello.com FOR SALE Pool/Jacuzzi Heater. StaRite 400K BTU Maxi-Therm propane heater. Recently rebuilt and overhauled including a new heat exchanger that cost $RD40,000. Cost new was $RD130,000. Asking $RD75,000 OBO. This is a real bargain! Please call 809-9703268 Costambar FOR SALE Acer Aspire Laptop Computer. 15.6" screen. Webcam, wi-fi, DVD burner, 4gb DDR3 memory, 500 gb hard drive, Windows 7 home premium. Nice unit. Brand new. Box has been opened, but unit has never even been plugged in. Real nice Christmas present! 20,000 pesos. Call Chris @ 829931-8094. or e-mail cjlefrank@hotmail.com. FOR SALE 1995 Diesel Toyota Land Cruiser In Excellent Condition. Manual Transmission, Air Conditioning, 4 wheel drive. Former UN vehicle. A no frills beast of a vehicle with a comfortable ride on or off road. Asking RD 380,000. Located near Maimon. 809-707-9036 FOR SALE 15HP Johnson outboard motor. Short shaft,good runner, US$800 Call 809-449-1819 FOR SALE Car: Mitsubishi L200, diesel, year 2005, 76,000 km, incl. full insurance till April 2012, very good conditions, German maintained, new rear brakes, trailer coupling, and much more Motorcycle YAMAHA SEROW 225ccm,TRIAL, German maintained, looks like new! incl. insurance till October 2011 Open fishing motorboat, 22 feet, year 2010, Tohatsu 40 horsepower and Tohatsu 9.8 horsepower, specialize for big game fishing! Everything only 10 months old!!!!!!!! Call for prices: 849 886 1266 Located in Luperon FOR SALE Large dog cage, certified for airplane transport. Brand new, never used. Has wheels. Cost US$450 - asking US$300 negotiable. Call 809-988-1322 WORK WANTED Anything considered - cleaning, babysitting, painting, etc. I understand some English and have references. Call Rosy 809-292-9693 FOR SALE Beautiful all sunshine yellow pasola kym 100 cc, special edition, 2500km original mileage, 2011, asking 27,500 negotiable, like new georgioantiglio@yahoo.com or 849 353 4628 FOR SALE SKODA Felicia 2000 Good condition 120,000 RD Call JESUS 809 451-5379 or 809 970-7276 AFTER Dec. 6th

LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBAR’S NEW FLEA MARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!! Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820 PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.

www.costambarmonthly.com

YENNY’S MARKET
Everything You Need At Good Prices!
Open 8:00am to 9:30pm daily Calle Principal, Costambar Tel: 809-970-3028

SAY YOU SA W IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

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Apartments for Rent Long and Short Term Special Offers Available For Long Term Rentals! Just ask Max!
Office 809-970-7312 Cell 809-251-8679 Visit our website www.villasfelipe.com

FOR SALE

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-dabull."

HOUSE FOR RENT
Located main street Cafemba 3 Bedrooms & 2 Bathrooms Pool & Jacuzzi Well water Office & WiFi System Available furnished or unfurnished SAME LOCATION - 1 bdrm apt for rent short-term FOR MORE INFO CALL 849-207-8246/EMAIL dr84@hotmail.com

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

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A NORTH COAST ADVENT CALENDAR!

Power Hour 3X1 Cuba Libres at Catamaran 6-7pm Happy Hour at Syl’s Place 4-7pm Happy Hour at Sam’s at Loase Noon-7pm Darts with Hans at Sharky’s Dancing With Annette at Galeria Arte de Sol 7:30pm Buffalo Wings Special at Sharky’s Dancing With Annette 10am Fish & Chips at Syl’s Place Karaoke at Sharky’s Karaoke at Pascual’s Sancocho at Catamaran Karaoke at MarLou’s Restaurant 9pm Dance Party at Sharky’s Sancocho at Syl’s Place Syl’s Place opens Grand Opening Party at Sam’s Bar & Grill at Loase Menu sneak peek with FREE drink & raffle at The Anchor

HOLIDAY EVENTS!
Christmas Eve Dinner at MarLou’s Restaurant Happy Hippo closes till January 4th Special Christmas Eve Menu at Los Tres Cocos Christmas Day on The Beach Pork Roast Buffet at Catamaran Christmas Dinner at Sharky’s

Special New Year’s Eve Dinner at MarLou’s Restaurant Formal New Year’s Eve Dinner and Party at Free Dancing with Annette at Sam’s at Loase Sam’s at Loase 8pm Special New Year’s Menu at Los Tres Cocos 7pm New Year’s Eve Party at Sharky’s 7pm Birthday party for December birthdays, New Year’s Eve Party and fireworks at Catamaran everyone welcome at Sam’s at Loase Breakfast starts at Sam’s at Loase Grand Opening Party at Syl’s Place Beer Pong at Syl’s Place Austrian Evening at Catamaran starting 7pm THURSDAY DECEMBER 22ND Free Dancing with Annette at Sam’s at Loase 7pm

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VIVERO!!!
Open to the Public
All Tpes of y Palms, Flowering & Foliage Plants Landscaping & Garden Maintenance Services Available BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST
Open Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm And By Appointment

PLANT

To be sung to the tune: "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" The restroom door said Gentlemen So I just walked inside I took two steps and realized I'd been taken for a ride I heard high voices turned and found The place was occupied By two nuns, three old ladies, and a nurse What could be worse? Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse. The restroom door said Gentlemen It must have been a gag As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag She sprayed me with a can of mace And slapped me with her bag. I could tell this just wouldn't be my day What can I say? It just wasn't turning out to be my day. The restroom door said Gentlemen And I would like to find The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign Cause I've got two black eyes And one high heel up my behind Now I can't sit with comfort and joy Boy, oh, boy. No I can’t sit with comfort and joy.

Call George (Lettuce) 809-543-8041
Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert (In front of PARADA DINAMICA) “Just past the fish places”
It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, 'What are you charged with?' The prisoner replied, 'Doing my Christmas shopping too early.' 'That's no crime', said the magistrate. 'Just how early were you doing this shopping?' 'Before the shop opened', answered the prisoner.

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: In the past few days, unattended dogs have been chased and caught in Costambar by "dog catchers". They took the animals to the dump in Maimon. We, Amigos de 4 Patas, do not know whether these dogs are still alive or not. Please keep your dogs on a leash or behind gates to prevent this happening to your pets.

Order Your Health Insurance Now!
RD$955 Includes Dental (with Drugs RD$1190)
NE JA W R N AT 1 20 ES 12

FOR DET ILED INFORMA A TION
Tuesday Dec 6 & Jan 3
Big Lee’s Beach Bar, Puerto Plata 5pm Bieke’s Bar, Costambar 6:30pm Or Call Petra & Marcel Bahr 1-809-885-2155
Ole and Sven are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, drinking beer, when suddenly Sven says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.' Ole sips his beer and says, 'Better think it over... women like that are hard to find.'

DID YOU WIN?!?!?
Here’s the latest list of winners from the Amigos de 4 Patas raffle. The drawing was held November 25th at Happy Hippo: 1. Bruce - Diving book 2. Fabienne - Dinner for 2 at Ton's restaurant 3. Miladys Mejia - Dinner for 2 at MarLou 4. Dorne - Jewerly certificate 5. Barb Krumper - Dinner for 2 at Estrella de Mar If you haven’t claimed your prize get in touch with Carolina at 829-520-7265. Remember tickets are available for RD$50 at Happy Hippo and The Anchor all winter and lots more great prizes are still to be won. Keep reading Costambar Monthly to see if you’ve won!

Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology, Acupressure, & Hot Stone Physical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic Drainage Manicure & Pedicure: Regular & Intensive Braids & Hair Extensions & Mens Haircuts Facials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse Services Natural Health & Beauty Products
ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS. Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointment Service to the home. Transportation available. #14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

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Email daniel1010@netzero.com

MARTHA STEWART'S ADVICE TO REDNECKS GENERAL: 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home. DINING OUT: 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine. 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME: 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are. PERSONAL HYGIENE: 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. 2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money. 3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days. 4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. DATING (Outside the Family): 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATRE ETIQUETTE: 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. WEDDINGS: 1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE: 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too. 5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession SOUND RENTAL

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Lyrics in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

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CLEAR FIBERGLASS 33-LB PROPANE CYLINDER TANK
Always know how much gas you have! Lighter than steel and don't rust! $320.00 new in US Now only 2450 pesos Call Colin 809-449-1819

FOR SALE

26' Ocean Reef Fishing Boat Good - Very Good condition Built in Florida 1982 Solid sea-vessel Economical 4 cyl. Isuzu Good for fishing or touring. US$42,000 For Info sailinn@yahoo.com

TRYING TO SELL YOUR BOAT? GET MORE EXPOSURE BY ADVERTISING IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

L U P E R O N

1. We Three Kings of Porridge and Tar. 2. On the First Day of Christmas, My Tulip Gave to Me. 3. Sleep in Heavenly Peas. 4. He's Making a List, Chicken and Rice. 5. You'll Go Down in Listerine. 6. Noel, Noel, Barney's the King of Israel. 7. Olive, the Other Reindeer... 8. Frosty the Snowman Is a Ferret Elf, I Say. 9. Oh, What Fun It Is to Ride with One Horse, Soap and Hay. 10. In the Meadow We Can Build a Snowman; Then Pretend That He Is Sparse and Brown. 11. Come, Froggy Faithful. 12. Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly.

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SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

CHRISTMAS CAROL
The words listed below are from a familiar Christmas Carol. What is it? Find and circle all of the words hidden in the grid. The remaining letters spell the name of the Christmas Carol.

ALL ANCIENT APPAREL AWAY BEFORE BLAZING BOUGHS CAROL CHORUS DON FAST

FOLLOW GAY HAIL HARP HEEDLESS HOLLY JOIN JOLLY JOYOUS LADS LASSES

MEASURE MERRY NEW NOW OLD OUR PASSES SEASON SING STRIKE TELL

TIDE TIS TOGETHER TREASURE TROLL WEATHER WHILE WIND WITH YEAR YULE

Across 1. Vague 5. Pass through 6. Stir up 7. Storm Down 1. Pariah 2. Sports structure 3. Steal the show 4. Adjure

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12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49

CNN FOX ABC NBC CBS KIDS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO SPORT BOOMERANG

51 56 57 64 66 69 70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85

CINE SPEED

CANAL

ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD DISCOVERY WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE

IS THIS WHAT THEY MEAN WHEN THEY SAY HIDDEN SECURITY CAMERA?!?!

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy

809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607

You'll need the following: 1 cup of water 1 cup of sugar 4 large brown eggs 2 cups of dried fruit 1 teaspoon of salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice Nuts 1 bottle of whisky Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed.

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Restaurant Chino
Best Chinese Food On the North Coast! Two Great Locations! Eat In or Takeout!
Xiang Wan Jia Plaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata 809-261-5609 Calle Principal, Cabarete 809-571-0385

IKEA’S NEW LINE OF AUTOMOBILES

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. He grabs some olives from the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?" The bartender screams "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the cheeky little beggar. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his bum, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first." Try Our SWISS CHEESE FONDUE!

Calories (noun) Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

Open Tues-Sat 4pm-11:30pm/Sunday 11:30am-11:30pm Calle Felix Nolasco #55, Urbanization Atlantica, Puerto Plata 809-261-0416/829-568-1475

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

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CM EXCLUSIVE!!!

PASCUAL GOOD FOOD PLAYA COSTAMBAR
Specializing in Live Lobsters & Seafood Karaoke Party Every Friday Night!!
Open Daily 9am to 12pm

For Parties, Events & Reservations Call 829-434-9404

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN’S BABY PICTURE!

BEGINNER

INTERMEDIA TE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Deck the Halls

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THE HISTORY OF THE MIDDLE FINGER I never knew this before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it? Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew'). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.' And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.

INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 73! I'm sooooo happy, because I live at number 67…so it's not far to walk home afterwards!!

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Galeria de Arte Sol
Now Open in Costambar!
Featuring Exhibits by Local Artists Open Daily Drop by and watch artist Carlo Arcesi working!

GRAND OPENING JANUARY 3RD!
New Exhibit of a Featured Artist Formal Program of Events Begins Enroll in a Variety of Classes Reserve Your Spot for a Culinary Italian Dinner And More Dancing With Annette Schedule Tuesday Evenings at 7:30pm Wednesday Mornings at 10am For More Information Contact Annette Calle Cristobal Colon #6 (the pink house) 809-869-0054 tangoannet@gmail.com A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 'You got Male!'

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, 'Did you get my drift?'

COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

Dear Vaskeh Thanks for your true friendship. Rest in Peace

POWER HOUR 6-7PM!!!! 3X1 CUBA LIBRES!!!!
FLEA MARKET!!!
EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH Starting at 10am FREE TO VENDORS!!!

Paul & Belgica

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There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office. Sincerely, Edna

:
§ § § § American Oldies Music not blasting! English Conversation Free Popcorn for all customers Hot Dogs with all the condiments

Celebrate the Holidays at Big Lee’s with Great Prices on Drinks and Hot Dogs too!

LOOK FOR the

I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my Cuba Libre!

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A plane left Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown together and an awkward silence between the two seemed to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reached cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activated the auto-pilot, leant back in his seat, and muttered: "I don't like Chinese." "No rike Chinese?" asked the co-pilot, "why not?" "You people bombed Pearl Harbour, that is why!" "No, no", the co-pilot protested, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah" That Japanese, not Chinese." "Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn't matter, you are all alike." There was a few minutes of silence.... "I no rike Jews." the co-pilot suddenly announced. "Oh yeah, why not?" Asked the captain. "Jews sink Titanic." said the co-pilot. "What? That is insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaimed the captain "It was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , nomattah...all same."

Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza. The salesgirl asked him:'Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?'

DECEMBER 25 CHRISTMAS DINNER BY RUTH! RD$450 (RD$200 TO RESERVE) ACT FAST! LIMIT 30!

NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY! 7PM UNTIL 2012 ROCKIN’ IN THE NEW YEAR WITH SHARKYS!!
SORRY - KITCHEN CLOSED

Costambar Monthly Page 18

CHRISTMAS GOLF Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it, we'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the Cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, OPEN FOR DINNER!! 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning Thursday to Sunday 6pm-10pm (last orders 9pm) for either sex or golf,' and she said... 'Take a sweater!'" Let us buy you a drink and show you our new menu! Raffle for local charities to be held! Daytime hours Monday to Saturday 8am-2pm Sunday 8am-1pm

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?" And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

Costambar Monthly Page 19

yl’s Place S
calle Principal just past the farmacia

ips! r Fish & Ch opula pm erving Our P S rforms at 9 aso pe o Man Dam Pian

A Wide Variety of Sandwiches, Salads, Soups & Desserts Plate of the Day FRIDAYS Fish & Chips/Onion Rings SUNDAYS Sancocho WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO PLEASE YOU! DON’T SEE IT? ASK FOR IT!

HAPPY HOUR!!! 4-7pm Cuba/Santo Libres 2X1 Bohemia peq RD$45 Presidente peq RD$50 Watch for Surprise Drink Specials!!!
ENJOY YOUR MEAL AT OUR POOL SIDE DINING AREA!
CLOSED DEC 24/25 MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Costambar Monthly Page 20

When you are feeling nostalgic come to…
‘Play It Again’
At Loase
Much of What You Loved About Sam’s In Costambar!

SATURDAY DECEMBER 3RD FROM 4PM GRAND OPENING PARTY!!!
Starting MondayDecember 12th BREAKFAST! New Hours 8am-8pm Mon-Sat Sundays 4pm on for drinks only
Open from Noon-8pm Mon-Sat till Dec 12th Happy Hour Noon-7pm Bohemia Pequena RD$45 Presidente Pequena RD$50 Cuba Libres RD$50 GREAT MENU + SPECIALS! FISH & CHIPS RD$200 MEAT LOAF CURRIES & MORE!
Ocean

Dancing Under the Stars with Annette Learn basic Merengue, Bachata & Salsa FREE! Birthday Party for Solange & Domaso, Bruce, Jose and anyone else born in December! Everyone invited! - Closed - Open for drinks only Formal New Year’s Eve Dinner & Party Limited Seating

VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK

Loase Resort

Calle Sanchez

Casa Obear/ Loase Villa

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