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Rev-ASS Commercial #1 by Colin Dempsey

Current Revisions by Colin Dempsey, May 14th, 2009

Rev-ASS Commercial #1: Colin Dempsey 5/14/2009 INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY A middle aged MAN gingerly sits down at a table holding a coffee. He looks at the large line for the restroom then addresses the Camera. RANDY COLTRANE Hi, Im Randy Coltrane. Have you ever found yourself in a situation were you had to relieve yourself, but the inflexible rules of society told you that you couldn't? INT. AIRPLANE A distressed WOMAN sits on a packed plane holding her stomach. An announcement is made. AIRHOSTESS (O.S.) Ladies and Gentleman, take off has been delayed. Please remain in your seats. WOMAN (To Camera) I need to poop so bad right now! INT. COFFEE SHOP RANDY COLTRANE Its frustrating, painful AND Dangerous! Not to mention embarrassing. (Beat) Well now there's Rev-ASS. INSERT: Animation of horrific & violent realignment of major internal body organs. Sounds like a balloon being rubbed. RANDY COLTRANE (V.O.) (CONTD) Rev-ASS is a revolutionary new drug that actually REVERSES your entire digestive tract. INT. AIRPLANE Woman on plane takes out a pill.

2. RANDY COLTRANE (V.O.) Taking just One fast acting pill will allow you to pass your stool, oracally. (Beat) Thats out your mouth! Woman takes pill, braces herself and Shudders violently. RANDY COLTRANE (V.O.) (CONTD) Just sit back and relax as RevASSs 85 secret herbal ingredients actually coils up your oesophagus inside your neck, straightens out your intestines and moves major organs around your body in just seconds. Woman takes out a sick bag and slowly vomits poop into it. People sitting either side smile understandably. RANDY COLTRANE (CONTD) Now you can de-stool discreetly and controllably where you choose to. INT. COFFEE SHOP RANDY COLTRANE So why let Number Two stop you being number One? (Beat) There is no reason, it was a rhetorical question. INSERT: Shots of people taking the Rev-Ass Pill in similar situations. At the Cinema, on a Train, in Exams, a Doctor elbows deep in a patient. RANDY COLTRANE (V.O.) (CONTD) People all over America are signing up for freedom. The freedom to take control of their liberties. INT. AIRPLANE Woman leaves the plane with her sick bag. She smiles a poopy grin to the understanding hostess. INSERT: Shots of the Woman collecting her bag, walking through the airport, meeting a Businessman, and hailing a cab in confidence.

3. RANDY COLTRANE (V.O.) So order Rev-ASS today and give YOUR life more freedom, control, dignity and a winning competitive edge. INT. COFFEE SHOP RANDY COLTRANE ...and remember, Why let Number Two stop YOU being number One? Randy looks at the line for the restroom again, smugly chuckles, then takes out a bag and vomits poop into it. EXT/INT. CAB - EVENING Woman talks with Businessman then burps a loud fart. She coyly covers her smiling mouth. Business man smiles too then rolls down the window. INSERT: Rev-ASS Jingle & Various shots of people flashing poopy stained grins. Rev-ASS, Rev-ASS, no need to take off your pants to pass stools. Rev-ASS, Rev-ASS, The freedom to break all the back passage rules. DOCTOR WARNING (V.O.) (Almost Incomprehensible) Side effects may include your breath smelling like faeces, E.Coli, Dysentery, Salmonella, Food poisoning, cholera and typhus. Parasitic infestation such as tapeworm and pinworms may occur. Complete removal from social circles is probable. Coprophagy is not recommended. FADE TO BLACK.

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