Self- esteem I am who I am

By Nur Hafishah Rahmat (2010)

First of all, why is it important for a person to learn about self-esteem? a. To be realistic about our strengths and weaknesses. b. To not let our happiness be controlled by the opinions of others. c. To stop chasing after peoples praise. d. To stop unscientific comparison. a. To be realistic about our strengths and weaknesses. We can be realistic about our strengths and weaknesses. We can use our strengths for esteem so that we feel proud of ourselves. Esteem is very important, it makes us feel good about ourselves and gives us more motivation to achieve more in life whether it be in the physical area, in relationships, in studies or in trying to do more good to others. At the same time, we are objective of our weaknesses that we need to work on. There is no point in trying to regret or blame ourselves for the weaknesses we have because most of them are due to our conditioning and upbringing. What needs to be done is to understand how the weaknesses we have are limiting us and what needs to be done to change them. b. To not let our happiness be controlled by the opinion of others. Our happiness should not be controlled by the opinions of others. People are usually more interested in trying to prove that they are right or higher than others. To do that, theyll pick on your weaknesses or make unfair comments without looking at the full reality of things. People do these all the time and as long as we continue to live by unfair judgments of others on ourselves, then we are letting others unfair opinions make us feel sad, angry, jealous, frustrated, depressed, unhappy etc. Your happiness should be in your hands because only you know who you are and there are so many great things about you. Even if you make mistakes so what?! Dont we all make mistakes? What we can do is to try and learn from our mistakes. So if you know who you are, what your real strengths and weaknesses are, then you are in control of your own happiness because you are the only one who knows the REAL you. c. To stop chasing after peoples praise. We do not need peoples praise to feel happy about our lives and ourselves. I am who I am and this is me I love myself and whether you want to say good things about me or bad things about me, I am not bothered. Wanting peoples praise does not make sense because when others praise us, well feel happy, when they dont, well feel sad. Again we are letting others control our happiness. Doesnt it make more sense to learn how to praise ourselves for all the great things we have done and are doing because this is the truth and the reality. So we need to learn to stop chasing after peoples praise cos we dont know whether itll come or not, whether it is true or not true, whether it is genuine or not. Why chase after something that is so illusionary when we can choose to be truly happy with ourselves, without having the need for others to praise us. (c) Copyright 2010 by Nur Hafishah Rahmat . All rights reserved. Reuse of the content is only permitted with expressed permission of the author.

 d. To stop unscientific comparison. Unscientific comparison. Comparisons and relativity is unscientific. You cannot compare apples and oranges. You are who you areshe is who she is he is who he is. We all come from different educational, social, cultural and economic backgrounds. All of us are different, with different uniqueness, strengths, experiences, talents and of course mistakes and faults. A person from the village is different from the person from the city. A person from China is different from a person from America. So because we are all different, there is no such thing as I am better than him or she is better than me. What is the value of feeling sad or jealous when we realize that someone is far more skilled than us in something. I am sure you are far more skilled that that person in another thing. If you want his skill, then learn. There is no need to compete and there is no need to feel sad or jealous. Feel happy with yourself and learn whatever you need to learn. What should I do to develop self-esteem? A. List down in detail all the good qualities you have or skills that you are putting in effort to develop in all the 5 areas. The more you can find the better. The 5 areas are: 1. Physical- Health, beauty, possessions, money, sports, etc. 2. Emotional- Relationships with family, relatives, friends , neighbours, spouse etc. 3. Mental- Discipline, Believe in Self, Not shy, confident etc. 4. Intellectual- Knowledge, hard skills, creativity etc. 5. Spirituality- Understanding of life, compassion towards others, good works towards others. Intellectual 1. I can speak 4 languages- English, French, Mandarin, Hokkien. 2. I can write really very good articles and can actually make money out of it. 3. I can drive the car. 4. I am good with the computer. I can type fast, I can use the internet, I can do great presentations, I can airbrush stuff etc, 5. I can create advertisements. 6. I can manage 2 departments at the same time. 7. I can teach and train people in life skils. 8. I am super good in external affairs. 9. My English is superb. 10. I can travel to different countries. 11. I can hold discussions and meetings 12. I am learning how to speak Spanish 13. I am learning how to cook.. B. Pump and constantly repeat to yourself I am who I am and at the same time remember all the good qualities that you have listed down for your self-esteem exercise. (c) Copyright 2010 by Nur Hafishah Rahmat . All rights reserved. Reuse of the content is only permitted with expressed permission of the author.

 C. To apply this concept in real situations, you have to repeat I am who I am in situations where you feel you are losing your self-esteem. So for eg. a. When unhappy people are making jealous or negative remarks about you.repeat I am who I am again and again so that the mind can see that you have all these strengths and you should be happy with yourself. Your happiness should be from your self-esteem and not from the opinion of others. b. When you see negative things about yourself repeat I am who I am and understand that yes you have certain things about yourself that you are not unhappy about which youll put in effort to develop but at the same time there are so many wonderful things about yourself that you should never forget. c. When you want to say something to a person but you feel if you say it, they might feel unhappy (assuming here you are saying something that is fair to stand up for yourself or to help others). So repeat I am who I am and say what you want to say to that person because the truth is that is how you feel. Dont mix issues. You are a wonderful person and by telling others what you feel, you actually trying to stand up for yourself, correct whatever needs to be corrected or you are trying to help the other person. How they feel, is how they feel but you are a wonderful person and your happiness should not be controlled by their anger or sadness because of the what you just said to them. d. When you break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend, you dont have to feel rejected and start thinking that you are not good enough and then compare yourself with another girl/boy because the reality is you are fantastic. Always tell yourself I am who I am and think of all the good qualities that you have so that you dont feel rejected. Songs: 1. Akon- I am beautiful 2. Bruno Mars- Just the way you are. Quotations: I am who I am I am new so I make mistakes I dont care about what others think, I only care about what God thinks.

(c) Copyright 2010 by Nur Hafishah Rahmat . All rights reserved. Reuse of the content is only permitted with expressed permission of the author.