Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Winner 1
Two basic chairs form an L at the center of the stage. COACH is blindfolded and tied to the chair facing the audience. He is in his fifties but in good shape. There is blood on the blindfold and from his mouth and nose. He looks unbowed. TIM O.S. What, are you crying? I'll give you something to cry about. You better pull up your big girl panties, cause we're just getting started. COACH Sounds like you've had my P.E. class. TIM enters. He is in his thirties, agitated and nervous. He walks up and hits the coach from behind with a hose. TIM What's that, maggot? I can't hear you. Come on, you gonna just sit there and bleed? COACH (smiles) Tim Warburton. Jesus, son, I never thought you had the sack for this kind of thing. Shut up! TIM Tim hits the Coach then takes off the blindfold. The Coach smiles. Tim puts a clear plastic bag over his head and pulls it tight. A couple of beats passes and the coach does not struggle. Tim pulls it off. COACH Little Timmy Wankbottom. Still hits like a girl. Tim hits him again. TIM That doesn't even make any sense. COACH Wankbottom, hey, you work with what ya got. Coach K wanted to call you trannybait. Tim hits him again, wild and uncontrolled. COACH Never pegged you as a doper. Course, I never pegged you as a psychopath either.
Winner 2
TIM Shut up! What the hell do you know? COACH Never pegged you as one. Don't mean I never seen one. Let me guess... Meth. Tim hits him furiously. TIM There's plenty more where that came from. I got thirty pops in just one class. COACH Whatever it was, I bet you didn't do it again. It was child abuse, you sick fuck. TIM
COACH I haven't popped a boy in decades. You think those little darlins are better off for it? TIM Kids need discipline, sure, but not pain, violence. Listen to me, I'm arguing with a sadist. I can remember the first day of class you making that paddle. The maniacal gleam in your eyes. Yeah, I know the look. COACH
TIM You deserve everything you get, heartless bastard. COACH You act like I just snuck up behind you and hit you. Paddling, like all laws, is a social contract. Don't do the crime if you don't want to get your ass whipped. You sound like the rest of those eggheads. (Playacting voice ) Now, Johnny, what were you feeling when you hit George? Johnny, don't do that again or I'll put you in time out. Corporal punishment, if it was good for the Spartans and every other western civilization for the last twenty five hundred years, it oughta be good enough for us. TIM I bet you like the Spartans and their little gay outfits. COACH So that's it, Tim, you're a homophobe now? Or is your lashing out just hiding some deepseated attraction for me. Hell, boy, buy a fella a drink first. Sweet talk him a little bit. Tim hits him again. COACH Thank you, sir, can I have another?
Winner 3
TIM
COACH So, besides being a kidnapping little bitch, how ya been? TIM How have I been? Oh, I'll tell you how I've been. I graduated at the top of my class at UT. UT! My girlfriend was a cheerleader. I was president of my frikkin' fraternity. Me with my mom working as a secretary. I got my MBA from Harvard. I was the youngest guy to ever make VP. My fiance is a swimsuit model from Brazil. COACH Shit, son, sounds like you eat accomplishment and crap excellence. TIM And what do you do, pissant little man walking around in your polyester shorts and tube socks? COACH We don't wear the ball huggers anymore. I always thought you were checking out my package though. TIM Aaah, why do you have to be such a dick? You were always an asshole to me. Always on my ass. Never letting up. Tim clutches his head in his hands. COACH What in the hell did you want me to do, give you a hug? Is that it? Is that what you want, Tim, a hug? You want me to brew up some chamomile tea so we can talk about our periods? Shit, son, I'd rather you just say thank you. TIM Thank you for what? Making my life miserable? Constantly hearing your gravely voice in my head, "Wankbottom, you gonna fuck that monkey or just hold its tail? Quit now, Tim, avoid the rush. This don't include you, Tim, we're talking about winning." Nothing I ever did was good enough for you. COACH It don't have to be good enough for me, now does it? So you just thought while you was on top of the ladder you'd get hopped up on Crank and piss on the little man, huh? So, Tim, what's the problem? TIM Problem? I ain't the one tied up getting the shit beat out of him. COACH Son, I hope you packed a sack lunch. Gonna take a while to beat all the shit out of me.
Winner 4
TIM Don't call me son. Don't you ever call me son, ever. My dad died when I was fourteen years old. Tim quivers, starts to tear up and deflates a bit. COACH How long you gonna ride that bus? Poor me, my dad died. I can't come to practice, I have to see a grief councilor. Jesus, Tim. TIM I suppose your dad died when you were fourteen. COACH No, I talk to him all the time. Constant source of comfort, my old man. So, what's on your mind, boy? I got a mind to beat you to death. TIM
COACH So you thought you would take time off your busy schedule banging your swimsuit model to beat up your old football coach? You are an overachiever. Shut up. TIM
COACH Funny thing, hate. Successful people don't have time for it. Your mama know you're a meth head? Tim hits him again but more clumsy and wild. TIM Don't you talk about my mom, you asshole. You don't know my mom. COACH I met her, smart woman. She came to my office and said, Coach... Shut up! TIM He clutches at his head again. COACH Ever notice that coach is one of the few honorifics we have in English? Your Honor for judges, Officer for cops, Doctor and Coach. Hell, most people don't even know my name, just Coach. Anyway, your Mom came to my office. I tell you, she impressed me. She said Tim's dad passed away. I told her I was sorry to hear that. She said I need your help. Well, the look on that woman's face, she could have said stand on your head and spit nickels and I would have asked, are quarters alright? She said I don't want you to go easy on Tim 'cause of his dad. Boys need men, hard men. They need structure. (MORE)
Winner 5
COACH (CONT'D) You push him as hard as you want and I'll hug him when he gets home. Hell of a woman, your mom. You lie. God, I hate you. TIM Tim collapses in the second chair and claws at his head. COACH Nope. Why do you think she made you stay in football? Slow, small, white kid rather be reading than doing wind sprints. Hell, you always looked like the before picture in the weight room. TIM I never quit, you son of a bitch. Never! COACH No and it wasn't for my lack of trying. I told your Mom at graduation, Tim survived football, everything else will seem like a cakewalk. I can't tell you how many moms run up to me with their fingers wagging, telling me that little Johnny needs more playing time. Little Johnny can't run cause he's got asthma. Little Johnny's wrist is broke so he can't practice. They ain't doing little Johnny no favors. Tell me, are you just talking out your ass about all your accomplishments? That the meth talking? No... Good for you. TIM COACH Beat. She's not my fiance anymore. TIM
COACH Sorry to hear that. You're young, other fish in the sea and all that. I don't have any money. TIM
COACH Shit, you didn't have any money when I met you. You didn't let that stop you. TIM Lehman Brothers. I was with Lehman Brothers. I was the golden boy. That's what they called me, Golden Boy. Everyone was so proud of me. I did good, worked hard. Now they want to put me in jail for... What did you do? COACH
Winner 6
TIM Ever heard the saying, the best way to rob a bank is to be the president of one? Well, we thought the whole goddamn system was a candy store. We packaged crap up with a bow and sold it for gold. We even gave them insurance policies in case anything went wrong. Shit, we made more money on that than the investments themselves. Of course it was all worthless. It wasn't just me, Coach. I was just better at it than most. It was so... easy. COACH That should have been your first tip off. Nothing good ever comes of easy. TIM Goldman Sachs did the same thing. Now they have their hand so far up the government's ass, the Treasure Department looks like their sock puppet.
COACH That don't mean anything to Tim Warburton. What are you gonna do? Fight it, I guess. TIM
COACH Tim, you know I'm all for fighting but sometimes you just gotta let go. But I didn't break any laws. TIM
COACH Maybe you did something wrong, maybe you didn't. Only you know for sure. Don't get into a pissing contest with the government, you'll only get peed on. Tell them you're sorry, cooperate and move on. TIM What if they tell me I gotta do time? COACH Cakewalk for you. Besides, they're going to slap your hand and move on to some bigger fish. Just don't dress too nice and don't bring a swimsuit model with you. Those forty thousand a year government boys will want to put you away for good. Anna won't return my calls. TIM
COACH You leave a message telling her you are sorry for all the horrible things you said. Tell her you don't deserve her but you want her more than anything else in the world. She don't want a bum like me. TIM
Winner 7
COACH That's just it, isn't it? You think you're a bum. Why would a girl like that want a bum? TIM I don't have a job, now... I'm on meth and... (Waves his hands) COACH True, you are experiencing a setback. Hey, maybe she loves you for the money. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe you just love her for being the most beautiful woman in the room. Or maybe, you're both better than that. What about your mom? Tim weeps uncontrollably. Momma.... Oh, Jesus, momma. TIM Beat. TIM She doesn't even know I'm in town. (Looks pleadingly at Coach) Please don't tell my Momma. Please. COACH Reckon she's gonna find out. Maybe you oughta be the one to tell her. Not Momma. Please. TIM
COACH I know. The rest of that shit don't don't mean a thing next to letting down your mom. Tim pulls a gun out and cradles with both hands high up on his chest pointing at his throat. Almost like a security blanket. COACH (In his bests coaching voice ) Tim jumps almost to attention in the chair and immediately takes the gun away and looks embarrassed. Then he flares up. Fuck you, Coach. TIM Tim leans toward the Coach with the gun pointed to his head.
Winner 8
COACH Go ahead, pull the trigger, you worthless piece of shit. You wanna go out like a chump, you go right ahead. Best thing for your momma. Get it over with in one easy payment instead of disappointing her for the rest of your miserable little life. 'Cause everything you ever were, everything you ever did will be a lie. You pull that trigger, you were never that son she was so proud of. Busted her ass for. You fucking chump. I'm sick of you. Fucking Tim Warburton I knew, never gave up. That little hardheaded sumbitch always came back no matter what shit storm fell on him. Why do you think I let Tim Warburton play? You think he was fast enough? Better football player? No. I let that little fucker play 'cause he was tough. 'Cause his teammates looked up to him. They knew, I knew, come crunch time Tim was the man. You can beat speed, hell you can beat talent, but you can't beat tough. Tim I knew, well, he couldn't be beat. TIM I fucking killed that Tim. Little by little sold him out. COACH You might have lost him but you ain't killed him yet. He ain't gonna let you. TIM (Crying)
COACH I know it hurts. I know it hurts real bad. I know. You gonna be alright. You think so? TIM
COACH Shit, son, you know me. I know everything. What'd I used to tell you? There was a lot of stuff, Coach. TIM
COACH I said, Wankbottom, if I tell you a dog could pull a freight train you better back his ass on up to it. You gonna be alright. Tim quickly unties the Coach. I'm sorry, Coach. I really am. TIM
COACH Shit, don't worry about me. Ain't the first ass whooping I ever had. I do hope it might be the last. Besides you need to worry about the cops. Kidnapping is a serious offense. Yes, sir. TIM
Winner 9
COACH I ain't gonna turn you in. I just wanted to see your reaction. Sure enough it was the Tim I know. I told you he's still there. Thanks, Coach... Coach? Yeah. TIM COACH
TIM You think I could call you sometime so we could talk? COACH I'd like that. Why don't you help me out with a little league team? I'd like that. If you think its ok. TIM
COACH I think it's good to get away from yourself sometimes. See the little hammer heads running around on the fresh grass whooping and hollering. Hell, you might even meet yourself.