Anger management

The term anger management commonly refers to a system of psychological therapeutic techniques and exercises by which someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger can control or reduce the triggers, degrees, and effects of an angered emotional state. In some countries, courses in anger management may be mandated by their legal system. One technique for controlling anger is finding agreement with another person rather than conflict. The use of deep breathing and meditation can be used as a means of relaxation. Other interventions include learning empathy, stress management skills, forgiveness, changing how you speak about yourself or others and improving optimism. As the issue of anger varies from person to person, the treatments are designed to be personal to the individual.

Methods of anger management
Psychologists recommend a balanced approach to anger, which both controls the emotion and allows the emotion to express itself in a healthy way. Some descriptions of actions of anger management are:

Direct This would include making behavior visible and making communication clear. The end result is to not become resentful, but rather, be honest about the feeling of anger and what is causing it.

Honorable This includes identifying the moral basis for the anger, and being willing to dialog around the reason for the anger. In short, this includes taking responsibility for actions.

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Focused This means staying with the issue of concern, and not bringing up irrelevant material. Courageous This implies careful and thoughtful self-examination. Additionally, this means being willing to admit when one is wrong or when a reaction is inappropriate.

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Humility This means seeking the truth instead of merely being defensive, and self-justifying. Forgiveness This means acknowledging the wrong in someone else's behavior or words and then letting go of bitterness and resentment associated with that wrong.

Listen This means hearing the other person out, asking questions around their feelings and their reasons for their action.

Thankfulness This means finding elements related to the situation where one is genuinely appreciative and expressing that.

A common skill used in most anger management programs is learning assertive communication techniques. Assertive communication is the appropriate use of expressing feelings and needs without offending or taking away the rights of others. It is typically started with the use of "I" statements followed by a need statement. For example, "I feel upset when you don't take my feelings into consideration when you talk about your past relationships. I hope you can be more thoughtful and know what you should and should not say the next time."

Taking the other person's point of view can be excruciating when in the throes of anger. You become angry because you are psychologically a weak person. So when someone breaks your expectations he is breaking your shelter. Eva L. And also developing self-confidence. but with practice it can become second nature. 2. Managing anger before it even shows in 2. Understanding Anger "Anger is temporary madness. One who can manage his own anger effectively can possibly manage the anger of others as well. in the heat of an angry moment. . Anger management deals with the management of one’s anger so that the least possible damage is felt to self. An expectation is a shelter – it gives you a security feeling. Managing Anger Before it Ever Appears Manage your anger before it manages you. relaxation (somatic relaxation like progressive muscular relaxation and psychological relaxation like savasana. 1.With regard to interpersonal anger. Three Stage Anger Management Anger management can be divided into three stages – 1. to see if they can understand where the alleged perpetrator is coming from. This involves understanding one’s anger patterns and dealing with them effectively. autogenic training etc. Of course.). Understanding the root cause of anger in general and of your anger and anger patterns in particular. Empathy is very difficult when one is angry but it can make all the difference in the world. fearful. This is done by continuous practice of some releasing technique such as meditation. It also involves having a self-structure that does not cram up stress or that is non-conducive to anger or stress." – Osho You become angry because something or someone has done something against your expectations. Dr. This is actually the only effective technique for anger management. once the angry person is in conditions of considering the opposite position. Managing anger after your anger I. making you insecure. Feindler[1] recommends that people try. courage etc. Managing anger when you are angry 3. then the anger based on righteous indignation tends to disappear. others and the environment. "Anger is fear in disguise" Fear is actually ignorance and fear occurs because there is two. This is the ‘prevention is better than cure’ approach. This involves two steps: 1.

you do not have any internal conflict at all Be simple. and the environment. Be aware of yourself. watering your garden. virtue and non-virtue. Walk around or sit calmly for a few minutes. Don’t be perfectionistic: Inability to accept errors & mistakes of self and others. Become aware that you are angry. If you have love for children. your anger patterns. Avoid mugging up stress. Try the Who Am I technique Improve yourself. This is the most difficult stage to manage because you are the person who is angry and you are the person who is to manage yourself. When you recognize that you are angry. inability to cope up with failure and longing for success in all and everything etc. If possible. What To Do When You Are Angry There are no fool-proof techniques available for anger management at this stage. open and authentic Love yourself. others. Find the root cause of your anger – it will be fear or lust or attachment.If your ego is hurt you may become angry. Or Use Guided Somato-Psychic Relaxation (GSPR) Technique. love others. like humorous films. Try one or more of the following:           As soon as you are in control withdraw yourself from the situation to avoid irrepairable or irreversible damage to self. Avoid over sensuality. Repeat a few times. if possible. Develop equal-mindedness in the opposites: good and bad. Practice Holistic Integration Technique (HIT) the simplest and natural Meditation Technique. meditation or the like stress releasing or dissolving techniques. Postpone the expression of anger again and again. non-compromising behavior. just stop doing what you have been doing. Develop self-confidence Accept yourself as such. Get into the company of persons you love or who love you and understand you. relationships. Then exhale deeply. develop yourself continuously. others. 2. positive and have hope Live in the present ( here and now) as far as possible. If possible involve in some creative work that can pacify you. deficits. their presence can pacify you. calming music. Release the stress (stored due to anger) in a way in which there is least possible harm to self. . II. Be optimistic. divert your attention to something else that can relax you. Break your Personal Rules of Living regarding anger. If you have inferiority complex. When you accept your negatives. or have a very deficient ego you will loose your temper very easily. hate and hatred. going to beach or park or the like. creates tension. Avoid revenge. Understand that ego itself is a disease. Breath deeply. Preventive Techniques               Practice Relaxation. Inhale deeply and hold for a second or two. Just observe yourself. you cannot love others or forgive others. Speak out to them. positive and negative. Unless you love and forgive yourself. Avoid looking for the negatives in yourself and others. Dissolve your ego as far as possible. and the environment.

others and the environment due to your anger. or destroying something.     Even pets can sometimes pacify you. Repair Others and Your Relationships With Them Apologize if it is appropriate. This might have made you angry. Repairing and restoring yourself. Analyzing and Finding Out the Root Cause You may want or expect others to behave on one way or other and they may do the reverse. 2. take time to reinstate them as far as possible. 2. 1. Do something to recharge your relationship with the persons affected by your temper. Perceive it creatively and constructively and take it as an opportunity to know yourself. if you can.(Attachment also stems from fear). As far as possible do not swear to yourself or shout like: ‘ I will teach you/him/her a lesson. Repair the Environment If you have disturbed the environment by throwing something. Attachment to these give you a security feeling and when they are attacked you become angry. Realize these anxieties and fears. Analyzing and finding out the root cause of your anger. Think of the damages and losses caused to yourself. Personal Rules of Living (PRL) . But why did you expect so? They are free to create their own psychological prisons (= programs) for themselves. I will show you/him/her’ etc. by perceiving it in a humorous way. Practice relaxation. This awareness will lead to an automatic control slowly. others or the environment. Use the Stop Technique III After the Anger Incident This stage involves 2 things: 1. This will act as a program and will be stored as negative energy. You will find out that it is one or other kind of fear or attachment. your anger patterns and the situation or other people involved. If you have such expectations. watch cartoons or any humorous films etc. others and the environment involved in the anger incident. come out of these. if you look deeply into it are also your own fears in disguise. These expectations. Laugh it out. 2. meditation or any releasing technique so that all pend up stress energy is either released or dissolved without disturbing yourself. Use humor: read humorous books. Repairing and Restoring Repair Yourself 1.

We then wish to harm him in some way. he can say ‘STOP’ silently but emphatically. anger is an unrealistic mind. Having understood the nature and disadvantages of anger. at that moment he or she appears to us as unattractive or unpleasant. They seldom act like these but are very frustrated due to this unwanted and undesired thoughts. Anger Management Techniques Anger is one of the most common and destructive delusions. . thoughts of destroying something etc. We then exaggerate his bad qualities by focusing only on those aspects that irritate us and ignoring all his good qualities and kindness. anger is also an extremely destructive mind that serves no useful purpose whatsoever. By some trials. and it afflicts our mind almost every day. This explanation of how to overcome our anger through practising patience is based on Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life. anger elicits destructive thoughts which need to be checked. This is repeated until the thoughts cease totally. the intrinsically faulty person or thing that it focuses on does not in fact exist. To solve the problem of anger we first need to recognize the anger within our mind. Some people are haunted continuously by negative or undesirable thinking like thoughts of undressing in the public. Though composed over a thousand years ago. when we are angry with our partner. the famous poem by the great Buddhist Master Shantideva. When such thoughts occur. This is because. anger is an unrealistic mind Because it is based on an exaggeration. If you have programmed yourself in negative or self-destructive ways. Because it is based on an exaggeration. and is just as relevant today as it was then. they are taught to say STOP to themselves at first loudly and later as the client gains more control. This technique is found to be useful to some for anger management also.Personal Rules are pre-programmed behavior patterns you have defined for yourself and reinforced again and again. the frequency of unwanted thoughts slow down and finally ceases altogether. as we shall see. exaggerates its bad qualities. you should dissolve such programs. this is one of the clearest and most powerful explanations of the subject ever written. For example: ‘I will do this & this in such a situation’. Moreover. thoughts of losing control. we then need to watch our mind carefully at all times in order to recognize it whenever it begins to arise. feels it to be unattractive. and wishes to harm it. What is anger? Anger is a deluded mind that focuses on an animate or inanimate object. The Stop Technique This technique is generally used as a therapeutical technique for the control of obsessive thinking. until we have built up a mental image of an intrinsically faulty person. acknowledge how it harms both ourself and others. probably by criticizing or disparaging him. It is ideal that you have no such programs because they make you more machine than human. We then need to apply practical methods in our daily life to reduce our anger and finally to prevent it from arising at all. and appreciate the benefits of being patient in the face of difficulties. For example. ‘If I were you I would have kicked him down’ etc.

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