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I can resist everything except temptation. - Oscar Wilde Get the facts first. You can distort them later. - Mark Twain Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. - Mark Twain Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do. - Benjamin Franklin The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen
Hilarious Quotes about Life
Life is too important to be taken seriously. - Oscar Wilde Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. - Tom Lehrer Life is like an onion: you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep. - Carl Sandburg Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. - Mark Twain Old age is fifteen years older than I am. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. - Truman Capote Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. - Woody Allen Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use. - Charles M. Schulz Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not. - Oscar Wilde
Hilarious Quotes about Love
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. - Charlie Brown in Charles Schulz' Peanuts comic Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. - H. L. Mencken
H. ... . .Oscar Wilde Hilarious Quotes about Friends and Family A lifelong friend is someone you haven't borrowed money from yet. That is the reason one should never marry. Monogamy is the same. . . but who would want to live in an institution? ."I'll do the dishes." . .Oscar Wilde Bigamy is having one wife too many. .Groucho Marx Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.Groucho Marx Marriage is an adventure.Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.Anonymous One should always be in love. Chesterton Marriage has no guarantees. love is the bull.H.H.H. If that's what you're looking for. Mencken If love is the answer. half shut afterwards. That is what reform schools are for. . could you please rephrase the question. a book is man's best friend. it's too dark to read. L.Anonymous Do not marry a man to reform him. . Mencken The four most important words in any marriage. L.Oscar Wilde Outside of a dog. . . like going to war. Mencken Happiness is the china shop. Inside of a dog.Erma Bombeck Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.Mae West Keep your eyes wide open before marriage.Mae West Hilarious Quotes about Marriage Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. . L.G.Anonymous A true friend stabs you in the front. L. . go live with a car battery. Mencken Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. . K. .Lily Tomlin Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.Benjamin Franklin Marriage is a wonderful institution.Anonymous . . .
Mencken Puritanism.George Burns Hilarious Quotes about Business Work is the curse of the drinking classes. .Oliver Wendell Holmes For centuries.H. close-knit family in another city. . .. . if only for financial reasons.W. although I am bringing a change of underwear. C. but why take a chance? .Zig Ziglar Money is better than poverty.Oscar Wilde A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.Will Rogers Money won't make you happy. but is intensely disliked by his friends. I'm the Loyal Opposition. .Edgar Bergen Don't underestimate your abilities. theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-notworth-knowing.He has no enemies. L.Oscar Wilde . . .Bob Hope Hard work never killed anybody. L.Woody Allen A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. .Woody Allen Some people are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good. . . may be happy.Oscar Wilde Some cause happiness wherever they go. .Oscar Wilde Happiness is having a large. The haunting fear that someone. to God.H. . . . .Woody Allen I don't believe in the after life. somewhere. . loving.Mark Twain Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike. others whenever they go. but everybody wants to find out for themselves. Fields Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need. Mencken Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins. caring. that's your boss's job..Anonymous Hilarious Quotes about Religion To you I'm an atheist. .
Mencken It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me.Mark Twain Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people. . .Oscar Wilde You can always count on Americans to do the right thing .Will Rogers Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night. . Mencken We must respect the other fellow's religion. L.Isaac Asimov Atheism is a non-prophet organization. .Winston Churchill A fool and his money are soon elected.after they've tried everything else.Milton Berle Suppose you were an idiot. and suppose you were a member of Congress. Heinlein Some people are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good.H. .Isaac Asimov Hilarious Quotes about Politics The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. . but you can't make him think.Will Rogers Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.Will Rogers You can lead a man to Congress. . Mencken . .Mark Twain A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries. . . but I repeat myself. . it is the parts that I do understand.Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. L. . . . theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-notworth-knowing.H. .George Carlin One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. . L.Winston Churchill A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. .Robert A. but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.Oliver Wendell Holmes For centuries.H.
death would help'. Peter Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures. they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock.more Mark Twain Quotes). "The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows." Howard Scott. In Switzerland. Laurence J.Mark Twain Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious. "I always arrive late at the office. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. . A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours .Oscar Wilde An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. tells you the time and then charges you for the privilege." Charles Dickens. your watch." "When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of this mess I am in now he thought for a long time and said.. terror." letter in the Times newspaper. Paul Goodman. "I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. Charles Lamb. Cecil Rhodes A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation. Evan Esar So little done." Robert Morley. 'Yes. .Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for." Harold Coffin. murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo. "Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." Orson Welles. a technician knows everything about something and the switchboard operator knows everything." Douglas Adams.Will Rogers We have the best government that money can buy." "In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare. Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. so much to do. "In the business world an executive knows something about everything. "The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you. .. they had brotherly love. but I make up for it by leaving early." Mark Twain (. "Few great men would have got past personnel. Fred Allen An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
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