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11 World Relief University Monday, September 26, 2011 Today I met wisdom incarnate. He's the former Bishop of Rwanda, having recently retired. He spoke for an hour or so at the beginning of a day dedicated to expla ining the vision and execution of World Relief Rwanda. This is a man who represe nts and leads the entire country through the Anglican church, a man who speaks t o hundreds if not thousands at a time, a man who speaks to and councils presiden ts and ambassadors, here to talk to the twelve of us. He didn't speak on behalf of World Relief, but he definitely agreed with their w ork and methodology. The Rwandan government relies heavily on the Church to care for the most vulnera ble. That is Jesus' mandate for the Church, and the Church therefore, presumably , is the body most fit for the task. Is it the government's duty as well? Yes, I think it is, but in the US, the Church often shrugs off its responsibility, its core purpose, because we can rationalize that our government has already taken care of it. It's entirely foreign to me that government should rely on the church to do anyt hing. It seems to me our government tries to do what would make our lives better , avoiding at all costs any relationship to the church; the church is a hinderan ce, not an asset. Recently I was considering whether it might not be a good idea to completely remove marriage, a religious notion, from our laws. Let the churc h handle religion. Hearing Bishop John's telling of how the Rwandan government a nd church work together, complement each other, may have turned me around on tha t. Of course, it's easier when 90% of the population claims to be Christian. The Bishop talked a bit about the US, where he has lived in the past, and some o f the Church's failures there. One of those failures, he said, is not being able to talk about Christianity in the schools. I assume he means students not being able to, but he didn't specify. I asked him how the church could not fail in th at regard and he said it needs to change its attitude; it needs to be more humbl e. He said the Anglican church has figured out everything, and it leaves no room for the Spirit. He then asked if he had answered my question, which I felt he h ad not, so I asked how that would change the government's position on religion i n the schools. Essentially he said the government doesn't value the church becau se we no longer have anything of value to offer. "The church doesn't do magic. I f you put salt in a pan and heat the pan with the food and serve it immediately, the salt won't have added any flavor." He suggested that if we humble ourselves and serve rather than rant, in a generation or two, we may see change in how pe ople view Christianity. It's certainly food for thought. Another culture shock that I mentioned previously is Rwanda's view of Sex. "Prof essor" Maurice, my translator on Thursday for the pastoral retreat, talked a bit about the Mobilizing for Life program they have which teaches faithfulness and abstinence to combat AIDS. I asked a devil's advocate question, as I do so often , "When the US, historically, has taught abstinence only, it's failed miserably. It doesn't reduce the amount of sex, it reduces the amount of safe sex. (Thank you CJ Craig.) What do we expect to happen here?" In the last three or four year s, the number of sexually active youth in areas where the benefits of abstinence has been taught has dropped from 33% to 12%. Maurice talked about a lot of test imonies. Pastor Phil said there are statistics to support this as well. He went on to talk about the many supporters of Rwanda, whether they be governments or o rganizations, that all have agendas for Rwanda and Africa. They all have their o wn ideals. Much of what comes in is helpful, from financial aid to education to

entrepreneurial spirit. But with the good also comes the bad and the ugly, and j ust because the US can't keep its dick in its pants, doesn't mean the rest of th e world can't. Since then (two hours ago) I've been thinking about what could ca use this separation in values (and abstinence is a value in Rwanda). I know it's not belief in the Bible, as this education is still being taught to the country and roughly one in three pastors aren't even "born again." It's not ancestral r oots (they're not being taught it by their parents) as polygamy is an issue here . I'm left thinking it's our media, our advertising, our obsession with sex in t he first place. They have no sex appeal ads because they have no ads at all. I'm not blaming the media outright as the media wouldn't present what we don't want to see. There's a Jack Johnson song about this called "Cookie Jar". These two pointed questions earned me the prestigious Hardest Questions award du ring graduation from World Relief University. I overheard at the end of Bishop John's talk, on the way to tea that Rwanda is, too, materialistic. Americans put their faith and trust in the objects they own. Rwandans put their hope in the objects they think would make their lives comple te. I guess Americans do that as well. It's an interesting thought, to be sure. What I've learned today is that life as it's meant to be is hard. In fact, it's impossible. The amount of forgiveness, the metaphorical seventy times seven, for every possible way someone can sin against us, whether that be accidental, misu nderstanding, cruelty, thievery, rape, or murder of loved ones... how can you? W ith the 1994 genocide raw in everyone's minds here, it makes all of this that mu ch more real. The amount of healing through forgiveness that's happened in the l ast 17 years is phenomenal. Selling your stuff to support those in need? I can e asily give, and in fact enjoy giving, out of my abundance, but ask me to sell my tv, or laptop, or car to help someone? Not happening. LIfe, Liberty, and the Pu rsuit of Happiness? God gives us life and the liberty to do with it and fail as we please in our own pursuit of happiness. LIfe is the one thing we, as American s, feel we have as our own. How can we give that up completely? It's impossible. "With Christ all things are possible." It's hard to comprehend, much less belie ve, much less act on. On lighter topics (and it is now this entry's tomorrow, about 18 hours since sta rting it), we left our hotel in Musanze yesterday morning. Before leaving, we wa lked up to the Catholic church about five minutes away and prayed for the region . Dyanah didn't walk with us. I thought she was being lazy since she got in a ca r that was to pick us up at the church. It turns out she was leaving, so I misse d my chance to hug her goodbye. Nothing grieves me more than missed opportunitie s for relationship, romantic or not. To my future girlfriends, never tease me by offering a kiss and then denying it because of something, legitimate or not, I did. It tears me apart. The ride to our new home, where the day-university class was held, was about 40 minutes long, bumpy and upward. (We're just about to leave this place, and I jus t carried my bags up the stairs to where the SUVs are. To give you an idea of th e elevation, not only am I winded, which would be normal, but everyone else has mentioned being winded too.) We got some beautiful shots of waterfalls and peopl e working their fields. The retreat center we went to has the most glorious view I've ever seen, tenfold and then some. It overlooks a large lake with several i slands in the middle. There's no electricity to the islands, so there are no pow er lines crossing the water or anything else to mar the scene. Not that I've eve r been a poetic writer, but I doubt anyone but a poet laureate could capture the view. Or a photo. With the world's best camera. Yeah, you really should just vi sit. Glory be to God, we had a bathroom door in our room.

"To empower the local church to serve the most vulnerable. Even organizations that agree with World Relief's way of doing things are often pressed by boards for results and will pay for food and transport for every meet ing. Further. with 90% claiming faith. If people think of a program as World Relief's. they're taught that white people will give them money. we did a quick highs-and-lows. if it owns it itself. Ha. Richard tried to make joke to tease me about Dyanah . World Relief doesn't supply any financial incentives for pastors to join in thei r programs. I've said it before: I don't really come with exp ectations because I don't know wheat to expect. "89¢ a day will let this child go to school. At the end. unfor tunately. so that's another opportunity for African busi ness. Because I don't believe I've yet stated it. a bit." the poor. This unfortunately coincided with a side-effect of my Vyvanse. I heard someone say I was doing it wrong. In fact. World Relief sees itself as the maid of honor. nor have I had any time to journal outside. World Relief just supplies traini ng (trainers of trainers) and curriculum. our (Bethany's) partnership with Living Water Int ernational. but accidentally said [Caleb] instead of Jordan. watery eyes. Jesus calls himself the groom and the Church his bride. as it has been called by Jesus to do s o. the widows and orphans. World Relief believes the best organization to serve the "most vulnerable." That organization will. half-joking low that I didn't get to hug Di goodby e." This morning before our mostly-daily devotion. teach a man to fish. It calls into question. She had even poi nted out at breakfast one day that the only two other single people on the trip were women too old for me. After a team-wide fit of laug hter directed at Richard instead of me. but it'd be better if the Africans paid for them. She said she'd call again when we get back. and I don't want to be disappoin . Wells are great. I appended a sappy. Elizabeth asked if there was romance the re and I shrugged indicating a little. bu t for free food and the extra money left over after expensing transportation. Last night at our team time. the woman whose job it is to help the bride to have every thing she needs. T hey also break fairly frequently. This kind of thinking is difficult for task/results-oriented people and organiza tions. the down-and-out. and it really is one of the main poi nts of this trip. We spent some time debriefing. is the Church. it's the largest social network in Rwanda. The only way Africa will ever succeed in betterment is if it does it itself. The old give a man a fish. and "I guess you'll just have to find an African. so we haven't had much opportunity to see the w hole thing unclouded. they'll become dependent on the organization. already in place. and that we also want a mainte nance plan in place for those wells. The pas tors or other Rwandans own everything they do. and then to step out of the way. and said Bethany is more interested in a relationship and pa rtnership with the people our wells have gone to. Elizabeth has mentioned this to LIving Water (whom primarily in the past h as been sponsored by organizations and companies that want to boast they've put x wells in Uganda). never go out of business. Now pastors aren't going to the meeting for the benefits of the meeting. It sounded like. from talking to her. never succeed in its goal of saving Africa. I don't know if anyone noticed or thought I was tearing up over it. Amongst the l aughter at my bringing this up. it has worsene d the situation by creating a dependency on those who've tried to help. that I was supposed to be embarrassed so they could tease me. On ce again." We've (the world) found that dumping money in Africa hasn't worked. I'm going to attempt to explain World Relief's purpose here in Rwanda. I guess she had no idea.It has rained fairly frequently. except in the beginning for a free lunch and transportation. they were noncommittal.

our dear Richard finally won. This is to say that we ourselves are quite poor as well. Most of the left hand pages are empty. She wanted to go to bed but we prevented it and I actually d ealt her cards for her so she had no choice It was only a 75-point round and it looked like Richard was going to finally win. We don't lack materials. The most common mode of quick transportation is paying a motorcyclist to taxi yo u. That's the first th ing you notice in daytime Rwanda. The consensus was that he did not. We waited and watched for a few minutes as they ran arou nd the yard playing with each other. About 80% there. I'm still thinking that out. Richard said something profound (or maybe this was sometime else). some wild African dogs tried to get into the room we were playing in. community or environment are out of whack. bags of potatoes. People carry everything on their heads. they puppy-guarded us. financial pover ty affects all four relationships. It felt like they were waiting for us. he stopped suddenly to freak out Lindsay. the Nertz crew played a couple games. which is really debriefing minor. Anyway. September 25. not pastors on Saturday. When we came back from personal reflection. or bundles of bamboo-looking b ranches. When it starts to rain. everyone just takes shelter. That's all I have to say about that. and then. Good times. I spent the last iting this. My mom never let me win growing up . who had been significantly the most nervous about the run. but until after the games ended. This whole trip we've been examining poverty. but I never let anyone win. I just really don't have anything to say about that day. but our relationships to ourselves and to our co mmunities are really screwed up. Then I asked if he was materially poor. two 100-pointer s in a row. and I really appreciate that. when Richard knew we were home fre e. we're at least trying to be environmental. Bicycles are fairly common. This trip is based on a book calle d When Helping Hurts. miraculously. Tonight. They necks must be made of cement (st eel bends when compressed). and i n Washington. I asked the group whether it was fair to say that Jesus experienced no poverty. During last night's games. but I passed him up in the last ha nd. so don't you worry about losing a second of Rwandan play-by-play. and won big. He said. After the first. at least in the theory presented by the book." Last night. It's essentially when our relationships to God. We hightailed it out of there as quietly as we could. however. "it's much easier to sympathize with peo ple when they act against us when we recognize their actions as their own povert y. top 0 Comments Legend Sunday.ted. back to our rooms. The disappointments I've had were meant to on a souvenir chess set. whic h he was. You could close line six people at once. I'm running out of pages in this 100-page notebook. The rain just stopped. I' m surprised he didn't give a speech. they just left. . Lindsay crushed us in the firs t 100-point series. People are again walking the streets. Exc ept about Saturday. I was starting to feel bad for him. it does a deep dive on the various forms of poverty. To God. he took off his shirt and ran and danced around. At the beginning. a missed hug. Buses and vans are there too. There are people everywhere. squished together under the nearest eve until it stops. I'll leave on a per-person basis. 2011 Yesterday we met with a few pastors from various churches in the area to make re minder-to-pray bookmarks to disperse to Bethany. They don't have c ars and so they walk. self. They all have flat beds behind the seats for carrying people. I'm glad he finally won. paying more than I'd having as much a-few-on-one time with the twenty minutes of that debriefing time wr in itself. We shut the door just in time.

I don't think I've ever written a pen. pastors from the C ongo. The last two nights' events conspired against our Nertz tradition. I wish I had. The long and short of it was t hat people need to return to God. As it is Sunday. the front doors were locked and everyone entered by a side door near the front. in the hopes of traveling the worl d a bit. about two weeks' wages. Though people crowd the city streets of Seattle. at least drivers will slow down and try to avoid them. More singing happened and this time the pas tor invited us to join in the dancing. When we got there. Next was time for testifying. Di c omplained to me yesterday that all the music here is now synthesized rather than made with real drums or instruments. I believe. Cars slow down around curves or when they're about to hit pot holes. doors. and until that happens. but I still wimped out. we all went to church. he was putti ng 50. I hadn' t planned on that possibility happening. an innocent. The church we went to was Baptist. They honk if a p edestrian or bicyclist is ten seconds away. each five to eight minutes long. I look average--about 5'9". people who have been gone a while but have r eturned. More singing and dancing. and us. don't expect any mirac les Next was tithes and offerings. The three hour service ended around noon. She's going into international business. S he and I have been a little bit of an item. Each time someone went up or sat down. and a floor. just because it's a bit of a fear of mine. Drivers aren't afraid that c utting someone off will cause an accident. Such was the case here. Ballroom dancing and swing I love. I can't make myself move. The running-in-place the dancing men were doing w as pretty simple. hal f of which was still drying today. They look used to walking and taki ng whatever time it takes. women. including when we introduced ourselves. Nearly the entire thing was spent in this journal. or rather three churches. visiting pastors from nearby. That's about $83--very generous here . a roof. this is somehow different. More singing happe ned by a second choir. The choir sang a couple songs. a new translator arrived for the weekend named Dyanah. Seattlites are determined unless they're playing the tourist for the day. when I don't know what I'm do ing. A second pastor came forth to give a half hour sermon on a few different verses scattered throughout the Bible. So mething happened for a guy that I don't remember. with a face softe r than most African women have. clearly reserved by for esteemed visitors. lots of dancing. No riveting w riting to add there. lots of clapping. We clapped.000 franks in the offering this week. She's stick thin--compared to her. or Di. He gave a short sermon Daniel 1. Since then. Someone had gotten married this week and an aunt was proud and praising Jesus for it. the keyboardist played the same short tune giving it a talk show flavor. children. I was surprised that her accent nearly matches m ine. and to thank God. As the rear half of the floor was dying. it has gained windows. start to finish. two-day African fling. Perhaps the speed limit naturally enf orced by the pedestrians and road quality allow for quick braking. We were seated in chairs immediately to our right. It's a church Elizabeth visited when she was her e in January. a choir was already singing and dancing. My pen just dried up. . While pedestrians don't have right -of-way. The pastor had us go t o the front and introduce ourselves. On Friday night. When the music die d down. Not so in Jamaica. the pastor welcomed each group: men.The roads aren't near as crazy as in Jamaica. Peop le look more comfortable around other people. new people. We each put in our 83¢ we'd been told was an ap propriate amount.

there's still a mud stain at the bottom. Today we "shadowed" four pastors to get a sense of their daily lives. I believe I only have two button-down whi te shirts. which I found mildy depressing as i t's a fairly average.I was in my Sunday best. shoes. wife. Mothers here are not at all shy about breast feeding. and while one looks nicer. at which point the pastor. never seen again to this day. Marie gave me some Advil and I skipp ed breakfast in lieu of lying down til it took effect. and tie. up to a point where we had to w alk up slick red dirt. They serve white people friendly food. Shorty after arriving. to the SUVs. Anyway. His house was at the end of a ten-minute climb. The pastor we were visiting was one of the ones in my small group from yesterday . I don't m uch feel like eating dinner. To get to our pastor's house. which is in fifteen minutes. The room was smaller than my tiny apartment kitchen. Mud is the reason I'm wearing it now. I think Marie gave me her cold. had holes." This morning I had a debilitating headache. the pool returned to normal. 2011 I'm wearing one of my favorite shirts. low thread count dress shirt. we went to a national rainforest as tourists. It was a mad dash across vol canic stones and under vines. Di said I lo oked "stunning. His name is John Peter. that was the day of the obstacle course with the mud pit. It turned out not to m atter as stopping back at the hotel before lunch was both on the way and the mor e logical choice. They forgot my au jus. but I want to say good bye to Dyanah. who had been waiting for us. his dad joined us. Thus. . We took a ton of pictures. Seven days later. got in the SUV. After lunch. and despite taking the shirt off well befo re the event. What appeared to be a park ranger gave us a tour of the forest. September 23. son (about four years old) and infant daughter were there with us. Africans take pictures slightly diagonally. I got what the menu made sound like a try-tip dip. it began to rain. a good ol' two-parter first name. across a few log bridges. It's been fun. We sat in their front room around a couple small ta bles of mismatched height. (and while I'm thinkin g about it. Di ate my fries complaining for the umpteenth time that I don't eat. top 0 Comments This is Africa Friday. We had lunch at Lava Cafe. slacks. the "mini-barn" that our group's Savings Group met at was actually a house) we drove down the main road ten minutes. Di stole my camera saying I don't take enough shots. We saw that pool then left for home. just right of center. I'm all stuffed up with a sore throat. The women in the kitchens at the cam p thought it was a shirt worthy of weddings. I wore it on one of my last days in Costa Rica when I couldn't take feeling dirty anymore. which I think the other members of my team nicknamed Lava Java. I missed the announ cement that we ought to bring a change of casual clothes. I'l l be the first to admit that. Four snakes appeared and the tamperer disappeared. this one has memories. black dress shirt. one of which looked to be pieced together with wooden fence slats that made cracking sounds when we drove over it and definite ly had a few missing pieces. We got a good shot or two of the two of us with arms draped over shoulders. but all-in-all it was decent. The rain stopped thirty feet from the start of the trail. that is. complete with history and legend. especially untucked since it stops at wais t height. then fifteen minutes up a rough dirt mu d road. Right at t he end of the tour path. His neighbor. One of the legends or historic stories had to do with a pool or spring that dried up when someone tried to tamper with it. Heavily. Indiana Jones style.

clung to by were. He could sell that c rop for a high price in the market due to being rare or exclusive. Anna the infant strapped to her ba ck. so he moves churches about once a year. In his garden. They asked us a few questions. to Rwanda. feels instability reduces complacency. while he cooks about a kilo a day. and I didn't this time either. and changed into this white s . We made sure they all got on e before we did. probably there naturally. The factory that makes it is only a short distance from his house. T hey're always shocked that we do. All he really said was. but it was definitely a dangerous trek. but not quite enough for everyo ne in the room. he has a couple b anana trees. we tried to figure out what to do with our shoes. then use the profits to buy beans or whatever else. and buying seeds of so mething not native. it now being too rainy t o safely get down the hill. He also did his fair share of asking both parties his own. he didn't sou nd enthused. We'd come with several aluminum sack lunches. The journey down. I'm surprised we didn't get st uck in the mud. and therefore in low supply. his wife is the president of his church's mothering group and helps with encouraging women in their marriages and resolvin g disputes. The four of us visitors shared the remaining two. After about an hour. Lindsay. Since he can't grow beans consistently. "That's possible. at least in Rwanda. He'll harvest abou t 30 kilos (do your own damn math). and has planted beans. and there being no point in skipping lunch in order to beat the rain for the sake of the drive. I have to admit. then showered. a homeless women's shelter. He has to be at his church three days a week. The pastor. and did some filling in to give our questions context. then began again. One was whether we have poor people in America. I prayed and then the pastor p rayed. and other programs that serve the homeless. is some sort of liaison at the national level for World Relief Rwan da. he walks down the hill to find pick-up jobs and/or do blacksmithing. My apartment is pretty close to half the size of his entire property. Chris tine. walked us down the now slick and muddy hill to our SUV. His congregation is fourteen people. very helpful questions and then translated the responses. coming in waves. Like I said. he can't come near to living o ff them. gave hi m several different ideas on how he could more efficiently use his land. and at the end. I'd rather deal with working around the bugs than fix them. The one he currently leads is a two hour wa lk from his home. and some sort of meat pi e. we went outside to look at his land. We went back inside and minutes later it began to pour. There's a hot sauce on our dinner tables that is super spicy with no added flavor that I coul d discern. his wife. an d is in constant need of peppers. When we'd finished our lunch. and it stopped raining. and his brother. When we got mud as they the effect ith my room back. as frustrating as I find his attitude. was still a bit terrifying. even with four-wheel drive. Ngoga. Our translator. I washed them off. It took quite a while. Our meal was surprisingly American w ith ham sandwiches. The rain lasted a few mi nutes. and I talked amongst ourselves as the pastor and Ngoga talked. and on off days. Our transl ator. our shows were coated with the red. of which seemed to only be to color the ground. I take the same one at m y job.We talked for a while about his church. Ngoga suggested he grow these instead of beans . I don't usually get scared by things like this. We ate lunch. both translated. pine apple." nothing committal or excited. which Lindsay bit right into. The Anglican Church. When John got back w key. We tried to clean them off in puddles or wiping them in grass. whom at the time I only knew as our translator. when it's more of a pomegranate experience. sticky m ud. given the seasons. especially with the rain that started back up a couple minutes before we made it to the car. As the pastor's wife. about takin g a soil sample. We got to share about Bethany's Tabitha Minist ry. as several neighbors had joined us. There was also passion fruit. figuring out what would grow best there.

t o commence. and asking questions about World Rel ief and the culture of Rwanda. We debriefed a bit as a team and with our translators who were all more than tra nslators. Richard headed for bed. mine now more wet than dirty. right. 2011 Today was fantastic. to him was God's provisioning. In seven games. saturated i n the Holy Spirit. If I moved to London. all overseen by. I'm not convinced it was more than just luck as I don't think I was playing any differently. a guy was collecting sho es to wash for us. Last night after our team time. our team from Bethany. I got my remaining thre e points and twenty-one more. The majority of our team went out for coffee at Lava Java. I went up to find him playing on his laptop hoping "tho se Uno playing clowns" would leave. when looking for a place to put my wet shoes. He was invaluable as an interpreter as well as a facilitator. talks about not worrying. I remember Richard saying the foreign aid fund the US put toward stopping/helping the AIDS epidemic in Africa is almost gone. When more peop le than decks arrived. Susanna presented this first passage and then we split into men and women. and can't recall much of it now. Lindsay 10 points behind him. . He suggested we play another 100 point series. On t he bright side. slightly buffeted in the second to last round. a bunch of us went to play Nertz. All the information was interesting and I'm sure important to someone. The question that got the most memorable responses for the first set of verses w as: How has God shown/demonstrated his provision in your times of need? One man said he felt bringing us. Caleb and I got Pastor Maurice as our translator. meaning that 9% of people are so bat shit out of their minds that they think the foreign aid budget is too high and shouldn't be cut. Maybe he has a hair dryer. I doubt they'd have hot chocolate anyway. We played one more round of Uno. God will provide. to head to our team time. It was a mix of improv and planning.hirt. What I'm good at is asking good. man. but mine is wanting. I don't know Caleb's ability at crowd c ontrol and keeping people interested and talking. I won with more than their scores combined. Well. nor much faster. When I exited the room. if not slower. We'll se e what happens tonight. Around 10:30 (totally just made t hat time up). which World Relief u sed as a preamble for their Church Empowerment Zone (CEZ) kick-off ceremony. and me. questions. and not because my only available shoes are dressy ones. three groups of each. allowing for his "game of destiny" or GOD. Bad move. I remember that Ngoga said he li ved 100 KM from here. suffused with. at least he didn't come in last? I was slow at first but quickly gained mo mentum. Eww. September 22. The three of us had prepared three passages of Scripture abou t the Kingdom of God on Earth and Bible study-esque questions to go along with e ach. we discovered we have a balcony. we transitioned to Uno. I sacrificed the expe rience to journal (now) for the sake of you fine folks. but I've always had a broken filter when it comes to judgi ng importance. obviously indicating himself. I'd have to spell color with a u. We figured women would be more likely to talk if their husbands weren't nearby. Bring it. Accents. I remember J osh Lyman repeating a statistic that 81% of Americans think the foreign aid budg et was too high and 72% think it should be cut. saying if three people were left. The first. he'd pla y Nertz. hearing each other's experiences. then dispersed. making it a seven-point g ame between the two of us. top 0 Comments Accordion Thursday. Matthew 6:25-34. usually hard. We had our Pastoral Spiritual Retreat. Lindsay.

" They h ad some seriously miraculous stories. and are open to hearing the word. The resu lt of that part of the conversation is that he's going to pray that I find a fin ancée. "How is God's Kingdom visible he re in Rwanda and Musanze?" which boiled into "What could the people of Bethany l earn from the churches here?" One pastor pointed out that they'd never been to B ethany. John. or at least he. T . even nonbelievers. Both are very true. and that he couldn't get them to shut up . He sank but the water pushed him back up without explanation and people r escued him. The phrase "new his tory" was used a lot... like where the Savings Groups were yesterday. This was the same translator that was with the group with the bad experie nce at the Savings Group. and everything needed or wanted. She lived another three weeks and made peace with everyone be fore she passed away. we asked. as well as the one that didn't translate the beauty co mment at the church yesterday. He says it was a night and day difference. more people would become Christians. Besides the Lord's Prayer a nd the 23rd Psalm. really got it. but Lindsay has a boyfriend. He asked if Lindsay and I had fiancé(e)s yet. He is now at peace about it and happily remarried. The doctors gave her a very short time to live. A good concept. and I talked to the interdenominational committee head. We asked: w hat would Musanze be like if everyone lived with "kingdom values?" That question refined to "How could Musanze improve or grow?" followed by "What would this ch ange?" They answered that if people gave more time to serving. I'd said "In London" before I realized no one at the table would get it. Children are assets here and in many other places in Africa and Latin America. This passage was Luke 13:18-19. At the end of each batch of questions. They said she wouldn't s urvive the plane trip home and that it would be better if she were to be buried there. One of the pastors revealed they. Our group was marginally worse. Caleb improved a question asking what gets in the way of seeking first the Kingd om of God. Yet another's wife was seriously ill and so he sent her to the States to be t reated. Brevity is not a concept kno wn to African pastors. i t wouldn't be any easier to follow God. A doctor traveled back with her and couldn't explain her s uccessful journey. Jesus comparing the Kingdom of God to a mustard seed. Two days after conception. On the flip side. which grows into one of the largest trees. which is not really a concept here. Romance takes a b ack eat. Where we're sleeping is semi-rural. Still. was wounded by knives and about to be executed. Seattle is neither. One man was in a sinking boat and couldn't swim. He s aid that even if someone had material wealth. and we wanted at least one session to go well for his group. it's probably the most well-known Scripture. Good stuff. After the retreat ended. during the genocide. The pastors were all well versed in it. World Relief held the CEZ ceremony. the accents. He had tons to say. but that the people here are very hospitable and welcoming. "In what ways has God comforted you in your times of mou rning?" Evidently "mourning" is translated as "times of trouble or need. The pastor prayed that she would survive the trip home so she could say g oodbye to her family. but they had already opened up a bit so it was fine. at least in rural areas. A different translator switched out with Maurice because John had had a terrible time with him. when a soldier appeared out of no where and commanded that he be spare d. moving to London seems significantly more farfetched. Another. At lunch. Lindsay. Nei ther of us do. we returned as a large group to share wit h everyone the key points each group had discussed. especially considering Rwanda's history. among the smallest.The second set was the Beattitudes (Matthew 5:3-12). We've visited a couple rural areas. Y ou get married to have lots of children who can work the land.

as we were under a time crunch. not repeats. One couple out of the five(?) that spoke shared that there had been infidelity. she convinced Christine to pull the sa me stunt on us. or faithfulness as they put it. First was a program for teach ing the benefits of abstinence. I got the feeling they didn't understand the qu estion. at least not by choice. The program appears to be ef fective. thou gh I couldn't tell you why. with AIDS.his is the first time I've felt like I was witnessing history. A sense that something has changed or unlocked. and. a lot of Africa doesn't l ink sex to AIDS in the first place. Damned non-nerds. Specializing and offering unique items just isn't built in to them yet. without the Bible. I guess it didn't occur to people befor e? I suppose. Let's fix that. but it's the only way that their econ omy will improve. On the walk. why was it nearly overlooked? One of the women in my group thanked me for praying af terward and said she'd felt the same way. Amelia. I can't even put it to words. We just got back from a walk. top 0 Comments Been There. I don't get excited. In Africa.. but.. But I'm surpri sed at how well. My one qualm is that all their answers for the why of abstience seem to be based in fear. and I suppose a lack of co ndoms. the retreat went and was. We next visited a barber who was a success story of a micro-loan. off comfort. I guess Dietri ch was particularly fond of him. and accidental babies. I'm far too trusting. They compared it to Pike Place. that it had brought A IDS into their marraige. Maybe it was lost in translation. having seen it yesterday. A few different couples stood up and expressed why they thought fidelity was important. so I stuck my neck out and was volunteered. When the ruse was over. He seems like a generally great guy too. The amount of words he can remember before needing to flush the buffer is remarkable.. Fear based. they gave us a chance to ask the girls questions. but nothing concrete. They did give a couple abstract benefits. Done That Wednesday. Today was. abstinance is of dire importance. which I fou nd sillly. That took guts. it reminded me more of the food court at the Kitsap Fair. a part of it. in fact. I never see what other people see in order to describe a day or event as amazing. Poor Alde ran.. maybe we wouldn 't consider abstinence either. I'm glad God used me to make it happen. I just have this sense of. September 21. Bob is an amazing translator. The next two couples gave repeats. Like Princess Leia. It was a little discouraging to see that every table held the same foods.. that any new answers should be new. Maybe sex is different here. After a number the church did on Africa in the past 50 years. or rather. I asked what methods they'd been taught to avoid having sex. The third place we visited was a church doing an adult education class on marita l fidelity. I asked the how. Totally fine.. At the end. Sometimes I hate competition. if we didn't have rampant STDs. I'm glad I never found where the goats were or my gullibility wo uld probably have kicked in. Elizabeth. We almost left without praying for him. and I went through the market w hile the rest of our posse went around. They've clearly go t the why down. The pastor th en said. how important. Elizabeth convinced Christine that some black goats on a distant hi ll were gorillas. . The first couple said becaus e not being faithful could lead to AIDS. 2011 So far today we've visited a few different places. He's taking care of his 11-year-old (half?-)bro ther whose parents had died. agai n. That things are starting to move.

though. Here. done that. the whole group claps for them. a hard time saying he was pumpe d and ready to be active. pay dues into the pot. I asked the translator to tell the pastor and the people there that. t hought it was beautiful. people of that group. It's about dinner time. Tha t one. nearly hitting Lindsay on the head. there is. even giving people numbers instead of using names in case people overhear from outside the building. It got brutal. This preceded our interpreter coming back to hold my hand while he walked in front of me. I did what I could. A cement floor. are allowed to tak e out loans. but he must have misunderstood. I'll venture to say. the Weyerhauser State. T he girls take care of the pigs and then sell them and keep the profit. This is not the right telling. After these trips. If more than o ne share is purchased. it's completely open to avoid c orruption. One wo uld include me nearly falling on my butt. Strongly. invoking in Elizabeth the same reaction. I made my first big speed-through the pile and triumphed with 101 points. That's significant. The whole time we were trash talking each other. We left before the next p art. The walk to and from the miniture barn where our group's meeting was held took a bout 15 minutes. Kathy said she needed sleep and a few seconds later. Richard beasted pu shing both of us negative. has mountains of u ntouched evergreens. with Richard trailing. not that the girl s weren't) and that Elizabeth tried to touch a pig's head. maybe? Not s ure. a tin roof with holes. The first and a half place we went was to visit some pigs that World Relief had microfinanced to the program that trained the girls in the ways of abstinence. The second to last game. The varying colors are outstanding. Set in Washingotn mists . Richard had had a three hour nap and was giving Kathy. which has mo re to do with a rooster somehow making it to the top of the wall in the building . making it a four-point spread between the three of us . Check back later. Basically each village creates their own mini-bank. Washington. who had stayed up taking care of their baby Sahara. At dinner last night. then buy between one and five shares. every square foot of hill is cultivated with rings of road and cut-backs. all the loans must be repaid and the vi llagers receive their share of the increased pot. The game ended. or perhaps thought I was mocking hi m/them with the beauty remark. is the better one. After lunch we split into four groups and visited these community savings groups . The scars remain. As we we re getting up to leave. Everything is very private out side the group. At the end of nine months. The game will return. It freaked out in fea r. but after purchasing shares." What Richard hadn't heard in those few sec . What I th ink is important to remember is that they were cute (the pigs. catching myself on my hands just befor e contact on the way down. R ichard said. The surrounding country side was among the most beautiful. and pushing off some metal instrument. Each week they have a meet ing. but putting our evergreens in Rwandan s unlight wouldn't touch this. I think all can see. Bob sat next to me at lunch. The story of the Savings Group the three of us visited has many tellings.The church buliding was shoddily built. I could also feel God's love for it. only. It was back and forth betwee n her and me. Something in me. The only involvment World Relief has is to buy the pots (metal boxes with lockable latches) and supply the curriculum books. "Been there. brick walls that left du st if you leaned against them. The person must say what the loan is being used for--it must be use d in a way that generates more money--and present a plan for repaying the loan w ith interest. Last night I played Nertz with Richard and Lindsay. but within. Weyerehauser might still take my vote.

Theirs had bee n running since March. leaving Richard and Christine in the room. Susanna and I were tasked with preparing. Our group was very deliberate about the order of things. I think so they know no one is stealing. and then traded the beans for potatoes and walked anothe r three miles for a little more.onds was Kathy say. They're confident we've got it all planned out. Everyone's getting along. He did not. whereas ours started this past August." Since then. I was seriously impressed. I go back and forth on whether I can faul t them for that. I pulled into seco nd place after trailing the whole game. and I do think I was right. This time the translator i nterceded with a twelve-minute-long story of how he'd carried beans an extra fiv e miles to make 50¢ more. Pastors here are extremely long winded. that we were here to pray for them an d see how this curriculum was working. top 0 Comments Small Print Tuesday. Three of our four Savings Group groups had good experiences. I think they would have de clined anyway out of a sense of pride. though. done that" has become a bit of a team motto. one of the two white people who work at World Relief (and un til the day we get back. only because they clearly believed in this system and t heir own ability. was posed. last stitch effort. I doubt many people in t he US have that kind of will power to save even when it's hard. I asked the translator if he thought it would be insulting. danced around the question. 2011 I'm in Rwanda. easy. the whole group remembe rs the total in the pot. similar in nature if more indir ect. because it encourages an attitude of working for money. to encourage them to keep at it . Dietrich tried to give a different Savings Group mo ney. I'm confident we can wing it if they're wrong. I still haven't figured out why. experienced in Afric a. and so t hey can feel a sense of pride in what they have accomplished. Another question. Richard. the head of World Relief Rwanda). Kathy was out taking care of Sahara. told us about how giv ing money encourages the attitude of "if we ask a white person for money. both. "Been there. R ichard is frustrated. They asked us what we thought of their process. Not remembering th e correct total at the beginning of each meeting induces a small fine to the pot . Being late to the meeting induces a small fine to the pot. but it didn't get that far. the translator was supposed to say that that was not the point of the visit. complaining that too many loans had been taken out and now no on e could afford the dues. as Lindsay crossed 100. and they refused. We had been given strict instruction not to give money to someone in need. significantly. Anyway. September 20. no problems during travel. All that aside. So far it's been good: beautiful . "You can go sleep with Caleb. It's unfortunate. he mig ht give us some. There are rules about talking that induce small fines to the pot. In a heroic. and because they didn't ask for it. This was not just giving money to someone for doing nothing. He also told us about kids who would come up when he parked and say they'd guard his car for him. In January. Nertz was just played again. Tomorrow is the "Pastoral Retreat" that Richard. I would not have even considered giving money to that group . because the two girls stopped me. He gave them money for doin g so. A guy named Phil. and also the only person who had taken out a loan was t he president of the group (sketchy and inconsistent). Every week. . Up hills both ways." They didn't ask. "Are you going to fi nancially support this group?" At that point. This was me offering to help people who worked hard for it. The question was asked. Reminds me of Jerkfest '08. I wanted to matc h today's funds ($26) as an encouragement. about keeping order. The fourth group visited a Savings Group that did not go as well. and they clearly d idn't believe in its effectiveness. even though they obviously couldn't beat off people who would steal his ti res.

I get a little more distracted by conversations on the other side of the room. but several dozen times more numerous. tho ugh I had hoped to get further through The Sparrow.. Land of a thousand hills. His first language is Engl ish since that's what they teach in schools now. but those were seriously the only flat patches of land. but it might be a valuable experience. I still have my job. the book Porter recommended to me. but between this paragrap h and the former. Still." Obviously it would take more than that (though precious little ). so that was deflating. I wond er if Denna would move with me. On the other hand. The countryside is gorgeous. rather than it being taught by other p eople with the accent. Enter headphones. I wonder how they fe lt about it at the time. mu ch like last year. despite being cl ean. Go figure. our group met with members from the inter-denominational commi ttee. will increase my odds of improve ment. Kinyarwanda has 17 tenses/conjugations. Anyway. Maybe it's that I feel there's no risk. indeed. I always assumed the accent cam e from English being the second language. Such a thing would be fantastic in the states. Since then I'v e been entertraining the idea of moving to London for a year or two because "I l ike the accents. Built in bu g repellent and SPF 35. we've all moved into a team room.. Overall. ?That was a joke. Having my new boss. a valid tho ught or not. Something about mission trips makes them not an adventure to me. right? I had my third (of three) poor annual reviews. a couple English girl s came over to our group to coo over our trip leaders' baby girl. I do like my new kahkis. Be sides making me less likely to visit facebook. It's a decent enough story with a barely-too-slow pace. I haven't seen much evid ence that that was a necessary rule. I keep thinking "It's been too long si nce I've had an adventure. He's studying computer science . but I'm not a fan of third person omnicient. I think it has something to do with the fact that God told me to co me here. it's an improvement.One of our tanslators is a 22-year-old named Bob.? Sad times. Before boarding the plane from Nairobi (which is the trashiest. breaking jet lag has been a breeze. Ha ha. We were told to bring nice clothing and not wear jeans. And I'm back! It may have not looked like much to you. All my life I've procrastinated until a few nights before something was due and . It's a steal at half the price! With narcolepsy and the associated meds. It's hard to argue they weren't living adventures. As convenient as that would be. we'll see if this idea persists past October the first. I always hear the stories of the people in the Bible that God called to action. Only $88. With the youth learning English in school. Maybe adventures are on the greener grass and in-hindsi ght-only. I think of Mullenix road. at least until January. I think it was meant to be my native ton gue but something got gunked up in the works. I think. it's significantly decreased my b locked time. rather than individual offices. it wouldn't surprise me if the native tongue disappears in the next cou ple decades or perhaps generations. airport I've seen in my scattered travels) to Kagali. espec ially when each small section seems to be nearly third person limited. on the plane rather than sleep the whole time. Fa t chance. it's still s ad. It's more of a software engineerin g major than computer science. On the way from K agali to Musanze. The hills are similar. Whenever I think of hills. Also. Maybe it's that they're thoroughly planned. I saw two or three soccer fields. so clos e. so I sat by him on the bus ride to Musanze. A bunch of other stuff has happened since June." a completely ironic thought in Rwanda.

A few weeks ago. like filling a tub. We went on what I felt was a very successful. so rush delivery was like $15. which is a month's wages here. Today I tried a new food I knew I wouldn't like. rather than full blown backpacks. the moon in W ashington waxes right to left. The moon here splits horizontally. but then when I try. Printing was about $15. I've yet to reconci le these. fun first date. not that I'v e ever really understood how or what that means. Still haven't figured out why. So that's something . Turns out she had actually sent it. Kinda bites.50 bought me a Protoss Akilae Tribe cinchbag. and then once in a somewhat-rare while." How much more should I give God my life and decisions with that at titude when I know he is for me? I guess he did get me here. They must have been swag at some conference. My mom would freak if I moved in with Denna. This time I passed and so am now quantifiable. The bag it self was about $2. I'm moving to London because I like their accents. It doesn't matter though. Looking at them. but there were ads everywhere for de signing and printing your own. I only blog when I sense I 'm in the creative writing mood. I drew diagrams until I figured out why. She went to church with me the following eve ning. so we could carry money with out a high threat of mugging. No regrets. saying I needed to be true to myself or the system would fail. I looked online at a few designs. There's still time. Three days before I left. Obviously shipping would take too long. "What 's the worst that could happen? I don't eat the rest. though. I pick and choose what use he is to me. I think the moon must wax upward. I'll do something perfectly that looks almost expert.. and my writing will be good. and then she just sort of stopped talking to me. so I look ed up a couple stores in the Redmond area. it's really not much.50. . a girl sent me an icebreaker. and it slips away. I thought m aybe it was the same scheme I suspect Match used in order to get me to buy a sub scription. I wonder if I'm actually just an average guy with spa rks of brilliance that have kept me near the top. I have noticed that I'm at the 3pi/2 of the sin curve o f the closeness I have with God. first at one of our meetings it was suggested th at we bring day packs that wouldn't draw attention. I've thrown out do zens of stupid blog posts. or I've changed enough in the last year as to be considered datable material. In sports. Those Nike drawstring backpacks you see everwhere were suggested. soccer and racquetball c ome to mind. and then wane down ward like draining it. I was curious to see my answers from last time (on a different email address) and emailed customer support. So. I've always been terrible. well. and I get rid of the taste with Fanta. $32. They said I could l ook at/change my answers by clicking a link that the old account couldn't see. I keep thinking I'm starting to understand why God wants me he re and what he wants to teach me. We all brought $100 cash. and then wanes right to left. I got really bored on Tuesday night and retook the eHarmony tes t of humanity. Unless I've seriously never paid attention. The two I visited three days before t he trip didn't have the bags in stock. I was almost certain I'd seen a microsoft one. but we should aim to not all have the same Nike one. a nd then scolded me for making a new account to alter my first answers. I didn't reply to that email. Either they've rel axed their partitioning algorithm. I didn't really like any of them.then did it in a fraction of the given time. In the last week. While we waited for our bus to pick us up fro m the Kagali airport. I thought. much more in London. but the company store didn't have them. Everything seemed great. or rely on him. I was hoping I'd get stopped by a knowing stranger i n Sea-Tac. But I'm almost blatantly denyin g him access to my life. I bit. With my means. I still can't put it to w ords. Within moments of starting my profile.. I don't much pray. . a utility rathe r than a king.

so I suppose this be gs some explanation. I hate planning things. that's bunk. I couldn't have even pointed to Uganda on a map. I'm not sure I wanted to use more of m y free time to do a second group. "Support letters?" you ask. and I took their spot among the twelve. I'm actually fairly excited to go. Come January. The east is more serene. two or three peo ple. but at the time. beautiful country makes me want to be alone and observe the coun tryside. Two weeks into the community group season. to cut the remaining story short (read 'ou t'). It appears I've not even mentioned this in my blog before. Shocker. Anyhow. People always look the wrong way at sunset." I have to admit. As it turns out. I'm so bad at talking to new people unless they share the exact same awesomeness I have. and there'd be a bigger on e in June. and I'm not sure having me during the planning phase would have been beneficial. As with my tr ip to Detroit. either activity or service. right? My f oreshadowing skills are unparalleled. telling her that I hav e no real idea why I want to go other than I felt like God was calling me to. and the first two I went on were plann ed by people who do this every year. but I just care about you all so much. the small trip happened without me on it (no surprise). but it did not say anything about jo ining the trip. Anyway. seriously some of the nicest people I've ever met. Or blogging in my notebook (now transposed to the blogosphere). I a m glad I was part of the Eastside Community Service group. I'd just finished leading a study group. I think it may have to do with the people . even if there is more activity in the west. I've not been on a more organized trip. our pastor of missions. I did notice the trip's entry in the catalog. The woman who's done most of the planning is amazing . Done for today. But being alone in some capacity. I spoke to him after the sermon about the trip. perhaps I could join the trip. in o rder to go on the trip you were supposed to join the group. I didn't want to be part of the gro up. Maybe this is bad to admit. 2011 I should be spending this time addressing support letters. One of them is Mark's siste r. Yes. I happened to talk to Elizabeth and found out that I was not on the shortlist. I talked to Elizabeth. but if someone dropped out. and I get stressed if things I've planned don't happ en. We've met three times as a group now. and I don't get excited about things. but ultimately did not). I suppose I pro bably should have joined it anyway. so this trimester I wanted to do something else. Dark clouds are rolling in (not a metaphor). He's friends with my counsel or. Sometime last September. Subject to change without notice. "I want to go to Uganda. someone dropped out of the trip. sort of a reconnaissance trip. I inexplicably had the thought. June 19. Ok. I instead joined an Eastside C ommunity Service group. since I've joined. after quite a lot of nagging. The eldest guy has been on the Bethany missions board since before I was born. or to play my violin (which I contemplated bringing. The people are splendid . top 0 Comments Handholding Sunday. and I'm not sure I ha d time to do two groups. going in January. which really has nothing to do with this paragraph. She's so proud of her brother. My favorite color is the blue-graypurple of the eastern sky at sunset. Dietrich briefly mentioned Uganda in his sermon and that the church was planning to head there soon. I am on the mission trip team to Rwanda this September. Not much of a mission trip attitude to take. which was also focused on starting an eastside Bethany c ampus. and someone dropp ing off the Africa trip. Mission trips are notorious for going differently than planned. but I didn't. A communit y group began that would plan the trip. So. He said that there was a small trip. only planning it and learning more about Africa.Being in a new. so small world I guess. it's really sweet.

the support let ter I should be sending out. Porter and I have had lunch a few times. Evidently it's been way too long since I've posted. When he says go. At ano ther moment. I'm no longer the owner of the project I'd been working on for two years. which he has never played. I could go on. They've replaced stock rewards with greater cash rewards. but all the bugs are being assigned to Chell. Things are being patched up with my dad a bit. where we were trying to figure out what wa s next. I'm working for a partner team that's a man down. I found my hand raised. I hope to finish that work by Wednesday. Swood made the point on facebook that that 's like saying he doesn't need to play Tetris because he's moved boxes before. I loved it. my team just came out of a transitory phase. and one time we ended up talking about Portal. A few months back. I've been slightly more focused. Third. so I've been getting more done at work. My boss. We've always had a pretty clear goal in mind. he asked for a show of hands of people who sur fed. saying that's about how he feels about Tetr is. I just hope that message is relayed to my boss. and Microsoft wants to keep its employees. There are a few reasons for that. When surfin g. per usual. and set u p a surf date. One. Work is going. and now it's been conde nsed to one. I am enjoying work a bit more lately. when it's time to go. have coffee. I think I was the only one that service. rather than writing this post. And though that previous sentence makes this sentiment self-serving. I'm also interested and slightly anxio us about why God wanted me to go. as well as a larger annual bonus. it seems like she's nearly a female version of me. call someone on the cell phone. especially since the meds are more often used for ADHD. and that means promotion. you have to go or you miss the wave. If you're interested. before conveying this image. I've been told by other peop le on that team that of the three portions of this feature. At the moment. I haven't yet mentioned Port al 2 and that was like eight years ago. said that everyone i n the room (my team) was going to get at least some raise. "Doesn't it have something to do with warlocks?" I realized quickly he was thinking of World of . so he called me out by name. then beat Portal 2 again. that Cave Johnso n is my hero. Microsoft did a massive overhaul of how it will measure perfo rmance. Any way.on the trip rather than the going itself. On the other hand. Annual reviews happen in August. went back and beat Portal 1 in one hour. Previously we were measured on a two-axis scale. so it would follow that. but now we have good ideas on how to achieve it. with regards to the game. my dismissal was not in the works. at lea st at that point. and sounded surpri sed even. and these raises begi n in September. you can stop at any point along the way and figur e out where to go next. a statement Porter later agreed with. and I do trust that he wants me to go. and the t op 93% of employees will receive at least a 5% raise. Dory's pretty awesome. and though it'd been at least seven years. we have a new PM intern that I'll be working with as soon as I finish with the other team. When climbing. so I facebooked my dad. Two. I asked him if he had any idea what StarCraft was an d he thought he'd seen a commercial for it and asked worriedly. I still h elp out a little bit. A few Saturdays ago I went surfin g with him. Dietrich had given an object lesson where he contrasted surfing with rock climbing. I'm the furthest ahe ad. is here. The tech market as a whole is growing its salaries. even if the trip is to Rwanda rather than Uganda. but I'll just say. He thinks it's a dumb game beca use he's walked through doors before. It brought back a nostalgic feeling. but it's ta ken a lot longer than I'd hoped. a function of an influential moment he had as a kid. I'd been telling him about my StarCraft and Prayer community group coming up (I'm leading it). We've more finely tuned my narcolepsy meds. I noticed a side of him I hadn't before. He then compared t his to when God calls you to do something. I beat it in about 8 hours. The trip there was mostly good conversation. She calls me her dev. while delivering this news. It's that goo d. it's time to go. realistically.

and this c oming weekend will be the first of either of those I'll have celebrated with him in four or five years. and Dragon Age Saturday. I think I at least had Hep A. Su cker Punch was plenty gut wrenching. It looks like they'll release a director's cut but according to this article. especially my left arm. Typhoid. My battery's dangerously low at 33% and it's five til midnight. I'm looking forward to seeing his new place. so maybe more explanation would ruin it . stop reading this right now. I expect that some of that should also be gut wrenching. and hard. It was shot well. I'll only be able to complain about his slow elevator one more week. There weren't a lot of lines in it. so I'm sure that didn't help. I should clarify. I still find it funny that StarCraft doesn't bother hi m and WarCraft does. a couple weeks ago I met a Microsoft employee (albeit an int ern) who was younger than me! I might as well start making arrangements for my c offin to be sized. interesting. I can't imagine the orderly would shoot them. so I didn't mention that I al so have played that game. today was Fathers Day. and I only know one person who didn't like that movie. 2011 4:12 AM Oh my lord that is a lot of text. Sucker Punch. I watched Sucker Punch with Swood last night. and Polio. Knights of the Old Republic. but if there are 18 minutes more. and at that poi nt." Anyway. I know the point was to let your imagination do the work to convert the actions in the brothel to actions in the asylum. or maybe I should be cremated. However. Gorski (the dance instructor) in the asylum? The opposite was true when Swe at Pea escaped. So in your face. it won't quite have the scenes I'm hoping they'll have. March 26. Swood just bought a house. At July 2. In the asylum. a distinction that set his mind at ease.. she was distracting patrons. Tetanus. they would have to convince themselves . how did Blue "own" Dr. I want to know how the other two girls (Amber and Blond ie) died. The Wednesday a fter surfing I had my Rwanda trip shots in the same arm. this Wednesday is his birthday. All my friends are either getting married or buying houses. top 1 Comments Yanjaa! said. 2011 If you've not seen Sucker Punch. Alexander also boug ht a new place. I still have to find out whether I had Hep A or B shots when I was a kid. Baby Doll had to distract the guards. Why would they keep her from escaping? I would expect in order to live with themselves. when he gets back from his honeymoon. But maybe it wouldn't. In the brot hel. The main character talked only a couple times. I've heard that they had to cut a bunch of the movie in order to keep it PG-13. But for the next 10 years I'm immune to Yellow Fe ver. very imaginative. I'm worrying that something fishy's g oing on. And for the first time.. I don't have a lot of material left until I figure a couple things out. Watch the movie. it needed more gut wrenching or perhaps more explanation. I haven't decided. I fear I must inform him th at I checked facebook right after I got back from the reception. a nd then come back.Warcraft. I was sore after surfing for a few days. That's my cue to end this post (aka. I might have a follow-up post in a week or two). his wife hadn't changed her last name. The movie itself was very good. I don't think I've ever been so excited for som eone. A LOT! I think it could feed a whole hungarian family. simply because StarCraft uses "energy" and WarCraft uses "m agic. The same could be sa id of Wall-E. Also. It didn't need more action . since it's not official yet. bio-terrorists who happen to try to get me sick with any of those four! Luke just got married yesterday.

I assumed it was either a grown up Baby Doll. but the narrator in 300 didn't know anything about the story after he was sen t back either. The first time was watching Call+Response with a couple women from the church I was attending. ( Admittedly. nor was I near them. I'm surprised that they showed Baby Doll's face at the end. you could be full Paragon and full Renega de. there is no meter. about children who ha d been sexually abused by their fathers or foster fathers or uncles or anyone. I began to hope this movie would go V for Vendetta style and somehow. The first scene brought forth such a visceral reaction in me. you've got your dark side choice. or you're a Renegade who threatens and sometimes tortures people to get resul ts. and based on t hat meter. or just an arbitrary narrato r. I want to figure out who told the story. If someone stands in your way. the storyline changes and you either take over the galaxy or save it.) Mass Effect is similar. it turned out to only be three: the stepfather. and they might go kill someone important. light side/dark side (being a Star Wars game) meter. Gorski was added and then removed. but you are strong enough in the force to Je di mind trick them into jumping off a cliff. In none of the se cases did I know the person. If the game were long enough. This implicitly gives you a goal of doing the right thing every time or th e wrong thing to push your character in one direction or another. though in the end. In Knights of the Old Republic you have a good/evil. I needed to see th e stepfather dead. It wouldn't explain how she knew anything about Blue being arreste d. since she's the only one who saw the Wise Man/bus driver or the soldier boy who ended up in the bus line in front of her. It's way too hilarious. Some actions require a certain amount of Paragon points or a certain amount of Renegade points. Either you're a peacemaker. she would kill everyone who deserved it. You might spare so . At the begin ning. In Knights of the Old Republic. an d the cook. r eally. I started to think it was Sweat Pea. and therefore you had enough opportu nities to gain enough morality points. The second w as hearing stories before my trip to Costa Rica last year. I choose that one every time. Taking a middle of the road approach has no benefits. This goal to be fully lig ht side or fully dark side made decisions easy. Blue. that implicati on would take away from the movie being a tragedy a little. a Paragon and only kill when necessary and after every peaceful solution has been exhauste d. you make them. T hings just change based on your approach. except in both cases you're trying to save the galaxy.that these women chose this lifestyle and were free to leave. even though I go light side. Also. who the narrator was. and they had just beaten up a homeless person. not your character. At the end. like the opposite of Magneto still having a little of his powers left at the end of X3. In Dragon Age. Various actions throughout the game make you a better or more evil character. and this is one of those. Why would they st op her? I'll definitely see the movie again. Dr. but I didn't notice that somehow. and they affect the storyline. On a last note. You can sp are someone's life. dark side points are negative light side points. Only three times in my life have I felt the urge to kill someone. If someone deserves death but th ere's an option to let them live and be arrested. and your decisions somewhat affect the rest of the story line. perhaps implying that she was more herself t han she should have been. that's not what ha ppened. giving you the power to do anything to achieve your goals. but probably not until it comes out on BluRay. The third was last night. I began to add people to the l ist. Sometimes you can't over think things. You have literally hundreds of decisions to ma ke. Of course. you've got your light side cho ice. Swoo d said she gave a meaningful blink. What's interesting in Mass Effect is that they're not mutual ly exclusive.

meone's life." . how can you abide the ste pfather? He does not deserve the air he breathes. but then I realized he hadn't actua lly done anything yet. and there was no sun. actions that preserve. So what is that feeling? Righteous fury? Were I in that scene. a nd also don't break your moral code. a nd had I pulled the trigger. but I smile every time I look at that hat in my rear vi ew mirror. "Perfect victory .. but also a lot better. because people always try to get me to . dorky tourist parents.. I would develop a terrible tic. What is a good choice in that game? You can make choices based on your own sense of justice. Our snow jackets were sufficient .. or if you've played through already (or have a walkthrough). I cannot make myself play Knights of the old Republic as a dark side charact er. You can make choices on what you know will make your party members like or dislike you. Your choices are just your choices. Your comp anions care about your decisions and will either become your friends or your riv als. and t hen with the consequences of your actions. You can choose to make the best actions in your eyes. Your character is no more evil or good than the person behind the keyboard. Sometimes I wish I danced. but what about the meter? There's a freedom in having no meter. You can mak e choices to expand your horizons. but I have such a fear of looking like a complete idiot that I don't. I wanted him to die. and restraining orde rs are only paper walls. We looked like total fools . He obviously had the intent. At first I was upset with myself for wanting revenge. Pres ervation isn't always good. I make a decision that should be ambiguous. but those characters are also neither completely good nor completely evil. Sometimes you know you've made an evil decision. He probably would h ave gotten off. or you can choose to sit back and do what y ou've always done for fear of looking the fool. however. choices that don't preserve the status quo. even when I try to do what is right. and they might turn their life around and help you later on. or you can make destructive. I know t hat if I did. and often fun. but vengeance would be getti ng back at him. I'm sure I could easily plea self defense. choices. and I likely would. you have to l ive with the ambiguity of not knowing whether you made the "right" choice. then dialed 91 1. I often lean toward not dancing than toward wearing ridiculous cowboy hats. I don't dance. but Denna and I donned our cowboy hats nonetheless. I know that I immerse myself in games like this a whole lot more than other peop le. you ca n make choices based on what you know will happen. It snowed. then told him at gun point to walk with her to the phone. her sister would have lived. Denna and I took a trip to the Grand Canyon last December. Often your decisions are just ambiguous. and you feel guilty. Life has no meter. Life is certainly harder without one. Life has no meter. The website said that we had to have a wide-rimmed hat for the mule rides to keep the sun out of our eyes. You don't have instant feedback about guil t. God. In Dragon Age. He would have been arrested. She could have fired a warning shot at the ground. I actually feel guilty any time I see that red icon indicating a gain of dar k side points. More often than I'd care to ad mit. would I have gained light side points or dark side points? She did have a third option. Last night I prayed on the way back from Swood's. and feel righteous about it. and so are also bad indications of whether you made good choices. Would I have pulled the trigger? If my sister were in d anger. as intent is not enough to convict someone.

We attempt to balance the los s by inflicting the same loss on the perpetrator. and what's left is resentment or mercy. has he really "paid his debt to society"? Will I feel like thi ngs are ok between us now? Of course not. crafted not for mass distribution via Steam. We long to make things right. they were doing a sermon serie s that tackled seemingly contradictory virtues. Resentment only hurts the resenter. (wikipedia says that n ailing probably never actually happened. At the end of each sermon. God hates death.God. God stepped up. or me for that matter. he might not even see himself as a monster. made new. perhaps. It's not the same as reconciliation. you are pulled along by your decision s. yo ur own path. we have a God that knows that's how it is. Best of all he loves you and wants you to make the decisions that ar e best for you and best for everyone else. It's probably a combination of my own faith and/or mood. or crippled my friend. the earth will be perfected. That sacrifice is God's own son. I'm sure a lot of Christians now see the celebration as a "gotta get all my sinn . I also hadn't been aware of Lent or Ash Wednesday until my first year o f college. It was a good ending. And yet God loves me. I might have mercy on him in order to move on in my life.) "Justice begs mercy" is the only thing I remember from that series. we will be perfected. or killed my mom. 2011 Much good has happened since that last whiny post. He gave a meaningful blink. Life without the meter is better than life with it. But there is perfect victory. If someone r aped my sister. Jesus rose again. Now it is now. not that I be lieve he hadn't been stepping up the whole time. In life. but a loss of purity can not be regained without God. Did I not do to him what slavers do? A man does not simply become a slaver. I feel much better about life and my relationship wit h God. At the INN several years ago. He wants to help you make those decisions. That's how he d esigned it. Mercy is not the same as pretending it never happened. He hates evil. This was no tragedy. Martin Luther style. He does call us to mercy and forgiveness. you are forced into the freedom to make your own decisions. Justice begs mercy. but far harder to do what is Right. perfect victory requires deep sacrifice. possibly right after I date d Denna. and now is Fat Tuesday. He hates rape. I would not become friends with him. but for you individually. God makes things new. In the end. But did I not kil l Jesus? For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Jesus made that sacrifice and we surv ived. but it was not perfect. made new. Tho se are our options. In the end. top 0 Comments Celebration Tuesday. That was about two or three weeks ago. Those decisions are his path for you. In the end. how can you abide the stepfather? He does not deserve the air he breathes. but it has stuck with me. d ebatably. perhaps he belongs behind bars to prevent him from further damage. In Dragon Age. In Knights of the Old Republic. And not until today did I put it together that Fat Tuesday was a pre-Lent celebration. We would be slaves to the me ter. whi le poetically just. and knows full well we probably won't. For some reason the churches I grew up in didn't observe it. He's twisted by n eed into a monster. God's timing. isn't actual justice. God does not always call us to reconciliatio n. Castrating a rapist. they nailed a piece of paper to the door. Baby Doll made that s acrifice and Sweat Pea survived and lived on her behalf. In life. but something happened this tim e. An eye for an eye doesn't help the per son who went blind first. March 8. and th e faith of several others. but without a miracle. Let's be clear. The only way to have justice i s to admit that we can't achieve it. I' d not heard of Fat Tuesday until a couple years ago. It would be easier. As in Sucker Punch. but when he g ot out of prison. to do what is right. I would never be reconciled to him. He defeated death.

especially the Ch ristian life. Most of th e time. it has little punctuation and is difficult to follow from one phrase to the but im sure you have some fun with it. but my dang interface program will not print in hebrew her e. 2011 1:06 PM I'm not really sure who you mean by "you people". Some people... February 9. and out today before we go a'fasting tomorrow. 2011 7:16 PM Hey Jordon. At August 12. the church doesn't celebrate an ymore. If I' ve gathered correctly. to take some of th e sting of fear of the ordeal out of you. ugh. They were in observance of him and his provision (God has a bit of an ego). the original Lenters fasted from food for the 40 days lea ding to Easter.. but I hope that's not the case with mine. there's my cell phone. ha s three celebrations: Christmas. which is especially ironic for Easter.. Any other bright ideas? Punks. My point is. So my visit here has been unique and I am sure the posters are also unique in their own sorta way. however. if only for a day. I think I hear you loud and clear no stop or start to sentance struc ture. you'd want to eat up. and the Super Bowl. that's not really my point. it gives me a sense of growth. I write for myse lf. I like to write. I lied. There's no freedom. At August 13. A wall of text is t ypically a webpage or post that has nothing but a ton of words on it. you're in sin. . My point is.. Sure.. At August 12. Really. Before such an undertaking. In Leviticus and Deuteronomy. To su pport you in lean times. Easter. top 3 Comments Anonymous said. mostly my friends. enjoy reading my posts. I wouldn't know. When do they party with you? I just feel like celebration is a very important part of life. and months later. Chris tmas has traditions that are frowned upon by the church. Anonymous said. The church. Sure.. 2011 12:32 PM Why on earth do you people do this stuff? Is this just a place to dump outthe wo rds you did not get to say today? Do you not have any one that ever talks to you ? What the hell is a wall of text? Is like a wall you wail at like the they have in Jlem? I see people post their whole days events in here mabey their whole li fe if you read them." Often.. I found it doing some surfing and I did want to take a l ook. as I see it now. To mourn with you in sad times. They "distract from the true meaning" of Christmas. It relaxes me.. there's wikipedia. God set up like seven celebrations througho ut the year. you'd probably want to beer up. but my battery is almost dead. To pray for you in hard times." Maybe that's how it is. but I'm at Arby's right now wi thout internet connection. For the most part it looks a little like facebook with all the so called "c ould be" personal data about ones travel through their day or through their life . and I tend to not be able to write briefly.? Dead Wednesday. what if it really was a pre-Lent celebration? What if that's all it was? What if it wasn't meant to be lewd? Drinking's no sin in moderation. I enjoy reading what I was going t hrough "back then. I thought about the fact that this is a wall and thought of leaving a prayer n ote here in the wall. Christmas and Easte r have a ton of tradition and pomp and circumstance. like Jesus did in the desert. 2011 . oh I do see what you mean looks like my hebrew class. Church will be there for you in many ways. and I don't know how to do it. If you don't do them right. I wonder how it started. especial ly down in Louisiana. but they were celebrations nonetheless. Ha Jordan said.

The pills they put me on seem to have very little effect. in clubs. I got the results the day I was supp osed to leave to Arizona. and the loss wasn't as great. In fact. I've also been more consistently depressed. because that's what you have to do in the a dult world if you want to see someone. I'm not sure which meds. There was also some reality TV recording going on at a family friend's house. in dining halls. I'd rather be as tired as before (which. even had Goose and I been emotionally able to spend time together as friends. But. nor how to coordinate my doctors. as I said. I sent an email to my team saying I was out sick wi th the migraine. Ver y little has.) I think (I would hope) that I'm over the worst of it. and even now (9:40). Anyway.he doesn't have a parking pass yet. Since I've been on my mood stabilizers. A few times I thought I was done. and we would have been fine. she sta rted dating a guy within a few days. Yesterday. and in all but one case. I pretty much fall for that every time. So me of my exes and I are on great terms now. Work's been interesting. It took so long that finally . I'm n ot sure if he made it there (ie. any deeper. ish. she's in college and I'm out in the real world. but at least we could hang out som etimes. than a wake and terrified of nothing in particular and hating every aspect of life and the fact that I'm stuck living. that was after a lot of time apart. I have no idea how well I ac tually slept. took a couple weeks. it was sad that things weren't working out. I left work a little early and went home to sleep. Maybe I've been more awake. And some sort of hover board/possibly being accused of murder. and it's s till as hard as ever to drag myself out of bed. and because she lives in Texas. I took a sleep test back in early December. and never woken up depressed. it's been about the same num ber of days since she broke up with me. rather t han on the web side of things. but I don't feel like I've slept any better. One night in particular on this bug was really fu n. but it was past the point where he could take the bus. (I didn't ac tually do the math. which I though t I'd finish in a couple days. seems to be as tired as I am now) and not wish I weren't living. The outer dream was about ha ving fitful sleep. I've had three (two while still dating Goose). That added a whole new layer of awkward. since I always drive). I had a bit of a panic episod e. is panic at tacks or whatever it was I had yesterday. I ate "breakfast" a t 5:30. but this is clearly wrong. after my weekly counseling appointment. Marvel had a 9:00 meeting. an d was also a fist to the stomach of my pride and esteem. and drove into work to see if I couldn't at least get a little done. the most fun I've had in like 6 months working here. so it's not li ke I was losing any time that we'd normally spend in close proximity. it's not all the way gone. much less three days in a row. I have to schedule meeting times with people. I've very rarely been depressed. Even with all of those things against us. because I had a dream within a dream. Scheduling time to see someone a 30 minut e drive away feels awfully similar to a date. Goose broke up with me a couple weeks ago. She hangs out with people who are around her in classes. and I wasn't about to drive him to work when opening my eyes caused pain. I woke up with a migraine. The w orst part is that I lost a girl who would have been an awesome friend. this was one o f them. at 8:20. as our relationship lasted. but I don't see them regularly. Rather than going to my community group and my weekly meeting with Luke. so when she was performing the break up . Denna's the exception b ecause we broke up on good terms. I don't know if I've had a panic attack before. but if I have.This morning. but suspected it would die down if I slept some more. What I have noticed. I have symptoms consistent with mild to moderate narco lepsy. I should probably switch meds. I got put on a bug in our actual service. when you don't have friends in com mon. it's been hard. It didn't until 4:45. drove himself -. That bug. and then it got w orse than it had been up to then. She and I both agree we would make great friends.

checking it in felt good and not good at the same time. Luke feels about the same as I do about our bible study now. I'm having my weekly Friday time with Swood (on Thursday). Mid-year revi ews are soon. I called Fidelity up. Ashley even called ahead of time and the person she talked to said everything was in order. I do n't keep a close eye on my mail. I'm leaving for the PCEC annual retreat. we should have a bunch of small groups of people yo u actually get along with and really get to know them. so th at was a huge blessing. but somet hing went wrong. Hopefully I'll get moved soon. Today I was in bed fighting a migraine. I'd get those in the mail. and in the end. When I came in. the delivery guy didn't get a signature. since I was there anyway. I don't know if I 'll bring my snowboard. Church is going. I'm not sure if I can fit my board in my car since I'm driving people with me. and she got an iPhone4. and it's a 45 minute drive to Crystal Mountain. in order to pay for my trip to Arizona. I asked if they could take a look at my phone and why it wasn't charging properly. I have a lot of complaints. I could probably go with a coworker some weekend. Afterward. On the other hand. Who knows how long that will take. Yesterday I tried to get my coworker's project up and running and fa iled. battery. an d charger at no cost. I don't think the cod e paths are all that deep or broad. having forgotten a bout it. I'm a little anxious about those. I talked to the guy the re for about 20 minutes. since they couldn't diagnose which was at fault. I successfully fig ured out what was wrong with getting the project up and running (stupid hosts fi le). Apparently. Why is everything so complicated and guilt-ridden . and charger. and then I'd ship back my current phone. I'd like to change that. and then. so at least there's that. It's basically running down every possible code path and looking for plac es things could fail in order to make good error messages. and even if we won. Ugh. I can't believe it's already the end of Wednesday. a nd the phone was stolen. so they shipped her one. and I got her one. Only. I've told my dev manager and my new dev lead-to-be that I don't want to keep working on the proje ct I've had for the last two years. I haven't been up to the mountain this y ear. but not a lot of constructive feedback or ideas on how to make things better. he said that he'd have them ship me a n ew phone. I sold a bunch of sto ck. I had the money deposited into my bank. but I'm also not sure. again after the trip. It was the best costumer service I've experienced. It still took them the better part o f an hour to figure everything out. I hate "should. and it would be fun. and on Friday evening. It needs a reorg of sorts. My sister wanted a new phone for Christmas. I never saw the check. Instead of having 20-40 guys in a room and splitting in to randomly selected groups. They said I had to go to the service shop a few blocks away. We went to the AT &T store a couple weeks ago. battery. once before the trip. I hate customer service. if I pass this opportunity up. everything was right. Since that's on the radar ." I hate feeling guilt y about doing whatever in my free time. and I don't have that much time this time. but then. all she had to do was sh ow up with me (since it was on my account). We had some really dirt y soccer games. Monday I checked in my two-we ek bug fix. at least until I feel beat up enough to leave. so we had to go back to the AT&T store and wait a while until they got their information in order. but now I've got to make a bunch of changes the g uy didn't have time for before he left on vacation. as I've been feeling in the past. and all tha t was in it was a phone. I got the package yesterday. I actually sold it twice. explained the situation. and within minutes. There's a large chunk of time on Saturday for doing what ever you want. I still felt like we lost. Sweet deal. I probably should. I think I'll keep going with it as-is. Tomorrow. Things apparently tak e me seven times as long as I originally think. I'm not really sure what I'm hoping for out of it. but they were out of stock. Last year I met Porter. probably next week. and they sent me a check.

Can 't I know that I am loved? Can't I see it? Feel it? Taste it? I'm blessed with a great job.. There are so many interestin g things out there. One that can feel affection from the simple act of playin g cards with my mom. even when I can't eat anymore? Why c an't I make myself move? Why am I discontent? Why am I not fulfilled? Why don't I see what people who want to live see? Why is everything empty? top 3 Comments Hannah said. but do you remember when you received a response back fr an in-person interview? If not. I have a friend that was looking for information on the ISCFP a few months ago. It's pushing together two contradic tory feelings and thoughts. One that ca n see acts of kindness and feel nothing." I don't know. that's okay. but it was a gesture. 2011 9:45 PM Hey. vaguely. but neither can recognize it. Why am I bored? Why do I hate life? Why am I sick? Why do I always lack energy? Why am I always hungry. I know it was over phone. though your footprints were not seen. since I nor mally just read online. Where they agree is the matter of God's love. I have two souls. It wouldn't really affect my ability to read. And one that is dead. And not trying to think about it. This guy is. I just want to feel life. The first knows that my mom loves me and can feel th at as it ost ing him my mind? The speaker this year is a pastor more "spiritually attuned" than m people at our church. your way throu gh the mighty waters. One that ha tes life. I feel so dead right now. Is that really too much to ask? I know that I am loved. and how that comforted him.. wanting to die is a way of cursing God. Read Ecclesiastes . To some degree. The so ng talks about parting the Red Sea. I do remember getting the response.. One that can recognize love. a symbol. The second knows that my mom loves me but only because it's th e truth. This song was written generations after t hat event." By "liked" I mean " found frustrating. One that wants Good. My main purpose in l ife seems to be not dying. but it was kind of awkward between us. it seems.. The life I'm living. At I stumbled on this it was a long time om them asking for February 14. my dream job. because it would hurt people. What's the ea siest way? Jordan said. At what point does being honest with God become blasphemy? A few weeks back. or a hug. And. there was a great sermon that I heard at a church retr eat dealing with feeling empty. but what I find interesting is that he never saw that. Actual life. or a kind tone. One that is scared of love. and having to live it. at least to some degree. and that the person talking wasn't very charismatic. Both know that he loves m e because it's the truth. I met once. An acquaintance of mine FB posted the two words "Psalm 77" the other day.maybe you'll find your answe r there. People at Bethany aren't usually very comfortable talk about spiritual gifts or demons or spiritual oppression. as for feeling dead. I purposely left m y bible under the pew.. I'll ask if it's ok to give you her . Trying to reconcile the twos' thoughts in order to speak them hurts and leaves me confused. As a gesture of honesty.. At February 14. I know ago. the sermon was on intimacy with God and being honest in prayer. 2011 9:17 PM blog while researching the ISCFP Program at Boeing. Life is monotonous and sickening. :) PS: I would like to get in contact with you (other than blogspot). I have plenty of friends. I'm such a mess right now. "Your path led through the sea. I also liked verse 19.

I actually had started reading Ecclesiastes the night I wrote that post I Most of it sounds like my depressed mumblings. then comment he re again and I'll send you an email from my real account. 2011 7:12 AM Hi information. Hannah said. I sent you an email. It's interesting that that writing is of the wisest man who ever lived (or so I 've been told). Thanks :) . your comment affirms that I should be reading that book. with a little hed onism. At February 15. Send your email to my junk mail account (wacompkid@hotmail. But..