Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre

Issue 1

PULP GRAVEYARD READERS THEATRE “Issue 1” Adapted by Andrew Moore and Pamela Moore

Theatre Unleashed Inc. 11052 Magnolia Blvd. North Hollywood, CA 91601

PRODUCTION SCRIPT August 15, 2009 © 2009 Andrew Moore & Pamela Moore All rights reserved. andrew.moore@theatreunleashed.com

Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre

Issue 1

PULP GRAVEYARD READERS THEATRE “Issue 1” Prod. #1

CAST INTRODUCTION THE OLD CARETAKER Our master of ceremonies. STORY #1: KILLER ON THE LOOSE NARRATOR TEX BARRY SCIENTIST THE CHIEF PROPRIETRESS BYSTANDER DISPATCHER DARK FIGURE LI’L AUGIE The narrator. Brief character description. Nervous novice writer. (Age 34) A forensics guy. The boss. Li’l Augie’s landlady. A witness to a crime. The police dispatcher. The titular killer. An ex-con and stool pigeon. ADVERTISEMENT #1: PITCHMAN JOE BOB DORIS SALLY KISS ME NECKTIE

1950s Billy May on crack. The smart guy with the tie. The jealous guy without the tie. Nondescript 1950s female. Nondescript 1950s female. STORY #2: PAPER ROMANCE

NARRATOR MAID LIZA SETH TIM TOM DANCE CALLER

The narrator. The dutiful housemaid. Young woman in search of a dashing and debonair lover. Reliable good ol’ boy who is in love with Liza. A random hot guy. Dreamy, well-mannered man about town. Square dance caller.

Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 ADVERTISEMENT #2: PITCHMAN BOBBY TIMMY CINDY JET “ROCKET” SPACE SHIP 1950s Billy May on crack. LETTERS PAGE THE OLD CARETAKER VARIOUS Our Master of Ceremonies A hodgepodge of 1950s genre fans. The lucky boy with the toy. Nondescript 1950s young female. CONCLUSION THE OLD CARETAKER Our Master of Ceremonies . The jealous boy without the toy.

Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 1 Issue 1 INTRODUCTION THE OLD CARETAKER: Welcome.. there’s no need to be afraid. this is a graveyard of stories.. There are no tombstones . You see.. A place where your brightest hope in a world of squalor is typified by . where the thin blue line is all that separates civilization from inevitable decay and degradation. This isn’t like most graveyards. Let’s take a journey into the big city. A city full of crime and violence.. It seems you have stumbled into my graveyard. (CONTINUE DIRECTLY INTO THE STORY!) .. make yourself comfortable. you weary travelers. (chuckling) Oh.. and let this Old Caretaker spin a tale or two for you to pass the time . So sit back. but there is plenty of death.

..... over there! That character took a chestful of slugs! Look Barry. The trail left by a ... He opens fire on Tex and Barry! Gunfire. A handkerchief reeking of cheap perfume! That was the blood-soaked trail Tex and Barry of the Radio Patrol were following . tied to that chair! Watch out. You felt as if you could reach out and touch the characters! I saw the shot myself! When those guns went off... Radio Patrol! Breaking down a door.. Killer on the Loose! It all starts with A quiet afternoon .. I shook as if I’d been shot! Those old flat pictures are good enough for . There’s Li’l Augie. he has LI’L AUGIE: NARRATOR: A hail of bullets .. It’s the end of the line. coppers! a tommy gun! Behind that door .. A routine patrol... TEX: BARRY: TEX: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: ..... up there on the roof! A dark figure crouches on the roof of a nearby building.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 2 STORY #1 KILLER ON THE LOOSE NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: TEX: Tex and Barry .. Gunfire. slumps to the ground. and twice as ugly... A murderous hit-and-run car .. Look .. and this 3-D picture was big as life .. Hey! Gunfire! NARRATOR: BARRY: TEX: BARRY: SOUND EFFECT: BARRY: SOUND EFFECT: The gunfire victim vocalizes. Barry .

A leggy blond is crossing the street when ... he’s skipped! C’mon . anyway – his gun! We’ll call the meat wagon for the stiff in the street . officers. Not a sign of him! He could’ve used any of these other adjoining roofs to make his getaway! He left something for us. find out what kind of alibi that stooly has this time! A police siren. A patrol siren shrieks.. in the metropolitan crime lab . that maniac has a grudge against the whole human race! This guy’s dead as last year’s news reel! And that killer up on the roof .. Li’ll Augie’s last known address. Li’l Augie. on a quiet street corner.... as Tex and Barry race to a run-down boarding house the other side of town. The gun is registered to an August Tree....Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 3 TEX: Hit the pavement everybody .. eh? Get going lads . and take this gun to the lab! A short time later.. up on the roof .. before you tell him we’ve been here! Two hours later. A car zooms up Lady! Watch out! BARRY: TEX: NARRATOR: BARRY: TEX: NARRATOR: SCIENTIST: THE CHIEF: SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: PROPRIETRESS: BARRY: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: BYSTANDER: . There they find the proprietress of the boarding house. Fingerprints are too smudged to be identified. He got into his car and just disappeared! Thanks. Tree ain’t been here for three-four days.. lady! If he checks in please call the precinct house ... Let’s get up there pronto! Moments later. Mr...

Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 4 SOUND EFFECT: The lady screams as she’s hit by the car.. Repeat. Stand-by while we check it. Soon they arrive at the scene of the crime. Charlie one-five-four-zero. their siren screaming. Charlie one-five-four-zero. better call it in. get over there fast! You heard the lady.. hit-and-run accident reported at Blenheim Street and Drake Avenue! Drop what you’re doing Tex and Barry .. Charlie one-five-four-zero. I’m waiting . Sure. wheels squealing.. car zooms away. Walla-walla... Tex and Barry race through the city streets...... (ON RADIO) Go ahead. dispatch? (ON RADIO) Copy.. Speed it up if you can! We have it for you Barry! You’ve checked it already? Go ahead . citizen.. Police siren. Let the police through.. maybe they can still catch that maniac! I copied down his license number as he went around the corner! Here. who? Tex! . Barry. hurray! Thank you.. BARRY: SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: BYSTANDER: TEX: BARRY: Car one to dispatch . He crashed into her ... officers .. The car belongs to . Barry here. as if he meant to! The BYSTANDER: DISPATCHER (ON RADIO) Car one . Barry. I have a license number for the hit and run on Blenheim and Drake. folks! C’mon ... Copy. Tex. DISPATCHER: BARRY: DISPATCHER: BARRY: DISPATCHER: BARRY: NARRATOR: BARRY: But Barry can’t believe his ears .

. Check with the mayor if you’re worried. Ma’am.. No sign of Augie planning to vamoose! Say .. An hour of feverish activity passes. this place smells like a ten cent dance hall! Perfume . delivering the BARRY: NARRATOR: . as the sun goes down. Tex! Let’s check back and see if homicide’s found any connection between those two killings! And so Tex and Barry return to police headquarters. say Barry .. where ... Nothing disturbed here . this handkerchief! Here ... alright. quarter-a-gallon type. That murder car belongs to Li’l Augie! First the gunning in broad daylight over on Mortimer Street . Tree! Augie’s a two-bit stool pigeon.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 5 TEX: BARRY: Yes. Tree ain’t back yet . whew! You can smell this stuff a mile away! No time to be sick.. but open that door! Well. Mr. Door opens... Now this! Quite an afternoon for Mr.. It’s like he’s been swallowed up! Is it right and proper for me to let you into his room? We’re wearing our credentials. Barry....... Yes Tex? I think it’s time we pay another visit to a certain proprietress across town! Once again they roar toward a shabby Rooming House. TEX: BARRY: TEX: NARRATOR: PROPRIETRESS: TEX: PROPRIETRESS: SOUND EFFECT: TEX: BARRY: TEX: We’re no closer to finding Augie than we were bef . not a killer! And yet ...

. only nine more to go! Again the patrol car radio squawks .. let’s hope he’s still breathing! Get going.. you two . Elsewhere in the city. their names topped the alphabetical list of jurors. NARRATOR: Choke it off. Let’s get to headquarters and do some brain work! The hours pass as they look through tons of files. it’s here! The gun .Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 6 city into the shadowy mystique of night. the cheap perfume . The next name on the list is Harkness ..... The three victims served together on a jury four years ago .... another one! A whole insane asylum must’ve busted loose in one afternoon to .. where a dark figure springs upon him! SOUND EFFECT: DARK FIGURE: A struggle.. who had reason to hate them! And here’s what we came up with..... You see this knife here? I been waiting a long time to take care of you! With that.. the car ... Then... and again Tex and Barry are faced with grisly murder! Good Lord... all belonging to Augie Tree! Much too pat if you ask me! Killers don’t go around advertising! Check! I’ve got this poor guy’s identifications. Now we’re square! This makes three down .... In the air! That perfume . Barry .. A muffled attempt to scream. brother! It won’t do you no good . hmm.. sucker . So long. there isn’t a second to lose! SOUND EFFECT: DARK FIGURE: NARRATOR: BARRY: TEX: BARRY: TEX: NARRATOR: CHIEF: .... the dark figure plunges the knife into his victim’s chest! Stabbing.. in the chief’s office . a man walks down a lonely street past an alleyway . The victim’s grunt and he slumps to the ground. We’ve been working like beavers on the names of those three victims to find out what they had in common .

Tex! .. He’s got a gun! He’s taking aim at that silhouette in Harkness’ apartment! Machine gunfire. no siren. Car screeches to a stop. Tex and Barry blaze a blistering trail to the home of Harkness.. Oh no! The killer has spotted SOUND EFFECT: TEX: BARRY: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: TEX: NARRATOR: . Patrol car speeding through city streets.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 7 NARRATOR: Back in their patrol car. Tex attempts to draw his fire ... Tex . Barry? You Nervous? Don’t be silly! I enjoy hurtling through city streets at 85 miles per . outside the Harkness Apartment . Then. The longer I stick my neck out as a target.. up there! On the fire escape. whoever he is! You cover ‘im from here. might scare the killer away while he stalks his next victim! What’s the matter... Machine gunfire... it’s a hatful of laughs! Brrrr! Anxious minutes pass as the radio patrolmen carry out a last minute scheme. The killer turns his gun towards the brave officers.. There’s the killer SOUND EFFECT: TEX: BARRY: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: BARRY: TEX: BARRY: I see him.. The chief was right.. Just listen to that song he’s playing! Time he ran into a little discord.. Can’t risk using the siren . I’ll try to head ‘im off before he gets to the roof! Barry sprints to the fire escape.. the more chance Barry has to cut off that gorilla! Good ol’ Tex holds the killer off long enough for Barry to .

Barry grunts... copper! Follow me and you’ll get a department funeral! The killer makes his escape across the rooftops.. that door over there! Let’s give it the old heave-ho! Breaking down a door.. crouched on the rooftop. and descend to the third floor . Barry? That jury lead of the chief’s hit the nail on the head! That gorilla is Dan Corot . but it’ll hold for awhile! You see who he was. not enough to stop that butcher! And that first volley got me in the leg! Stay away. This is kind of makeshift. shot in the leg. Tex follows Barry across the rooftops. I just nicked ‘im . What makes you so sure he came down into this building? And why this floor? My nose tells me.. gun drawn! He sees his partner.. just as Tex emerges from the fire escape. his pant leg wet with blood from his leg wound. Tex holsters his weapon and moves swiftly to his injured compatriot. It’s the end of the line. Machine gunfire.. tied to that chair! Watch out.. he’s behind that . just out on parole! C’mon . hit. we’ll track him across the rooftops! He’s left a trail he doesn’t know about! Enthused with the thrill of the hunt.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 8 Barry! Time for just one shot before the killer puts Barry in his sight! SOUND EFFECT: Service revolver shot! The killer grunts. Barry! Augie... devising a tourniquet to stop the blood. coppers! door! There’s Li’l BARRY: DARK FIGURE: NARRATOR: TEX: BARRY: NARRATOR: TEX: BARRY: SOUND EFFECT: TEX: LI’L AUGIE: He . Tex! Quick . until at last they enter a building...

. it was my testimony that clinched the case against ‘im! He was out to get me . The Dark Figure dies. phew! This is worse than three-D! AND SO WE COME TO THE END OF ANOTHER ADVENTURE FOR TEX AND BARRY – RADIO PATROL! TEX: SOUND EFFECT: TEX: LI’L AUGIE: BARRY: NARRATOR: TEX: BARRY: NARRATOR: THE END. I’ll give you a bellyful ... and celebrate their victory over crime! You know... we’ll drive you back to your house! After calling out the meat wagon to haul Corot’s sorry carcass away and returning Li’l Augie home. but how do you figure into this nightmare? It . and making it look like I was the murderer! He grabbed me the day I got outta prison. No time to argue with a madman.. Augie you little punk. filling the Dark Figure with lead..... if Corot hadn’t been so methodical about going down that list in alphabetical order. Tex and Barry drive back to the station to file the report . We know Corot decided to kill every member of the jury that sent him to prison four years ago.. .Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 9 DARK FIGURE: How’d you tail me here? And you ..... Augie! The man he thought was Harkness was a dummy we set up a minute before he got there! C’mon .... Barry . by using my gun and car . I been here ever since! Lucky for the rest of the jurors that he only got as far as the first four on the list! Three. we might still be tripping over bodies! And if Augie Tree didn’t use that foul perfume of his. Let him have it! Barry and Tex’s service revolvers... we wouldn’t have been able to track the killer to the room he was using! Nice of Corot to borrow Augie’s Perfume and .

Superb class by day. be a dear and put out the lights. indeed! Like a miracle of light there comes a pulsing. no hidden batteries. Just wait until you see it at night – Doris. Joe! That sure is a swank tie! BOB: DORIS: JOE: I think it’s lovely! Only by day. Sally. and in the dark … well. wrinkle-proof. the awe you will cause! There’s no trick. no . That tie of yours … JOE: BOB: JOE: Joe. baby?” Think of the surprise. tell me: Yes. tailored cravat. glowing question! What does it say? reading glasses! I’m afraid I forgot my SOUND EFFECT: DORIS: SALLY: BOB: DORIS: PITCHMAN: “Will you kiss me in the dark. let me show you. hey Doris.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 10 ADVERTISEMENT #1: PITCHMAN: KISS ME NECKTIE Girls can’t resist this “Kiss Me” necktie as it Glows in the dark! Say. Ladies. Hey Sally! This is some office party! DORIS: PITCHMAN: SALLY: BOB: DORIS: It sure is! Don’t look now … here comes Joe in that spectacular tie of his! Hey Bob. Click! Oh my! It seems like a necktie of compelling allure and sheer magic! Let me see … Oh my. It’s a smart. That Joe sure is a character! Men … Boys … Amaze your friends! Surprise and thrill every girl you meet! Be different and the life of the party in any crowd! Hey Bob. Bob.

Bob. and your girl will gasp … SOUND EFFECT: PITCHMAN: Gasp! … yes. Department 3-7-5 K.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 11 switches or foolish horseplay. if you are not eager to wear it. It’s new! Utterly different! A Hollywood riot! BOB: PITCHMAN: And here’s wonderful news! You can see and examine this glorious tie yourself without risk … just mail in the coupon! Send no money? Yes. gasp with wonder as it takes form so amazingly. Illinois. Chicago. The marvelous. but a thing of loveliness as the question emerges gradually to life. generous offer! Then act at once! now! Don’t wait! Mail the coupon BOB: NARRATOR: BOB: NARRATOR: BOB: I better. Examine … let it thrill you … on this free trial offer! And if you are not delighted. different. before Joe sweeps up all the dames in the office secretary pool! Mail this no-risk coupon now to: Glow in the Dark Necktie Company. and barrels of fun! NARRATOR: . 2-1-5 North Michigan Avenue. touched by the wand of darkness. just return it for your money back promptly! What a fair. breath-taking glow in the dark “Kiss Me” necktie! It’s novel.

but he was still just a farmer … not the kind of man you could get excited about. the sophistication that I had always pictured my suitor would have … But still. can’t she? And that’s how I found all the things I was missing … and ended up with a … Paper Romance! Love sounds.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 12 STORY #2: NARRATOR: PAPER ROMANCE Life on a farm can be dull. I had a boy friend. It’s just that he was so different than the man that I had always dreamed would someday be my lover! Splashing and swimming sounds. not again! He was just here this morning! Doesn’t he ever get tired of coming around … I won’t run away! But apparently he didn’t get tired … ever! Hey. I haven’t got anything to do! I don’t know why I was so rude with Seth … Everything he did or thought was for my benefit. Finally we finished swimming and sat by the edge of the hole and let the sun dry us off … just as we always did … SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: MAID: LIZA: NARRATOR: SETH: LIZA: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: SETH: LIZA: NARRATOR: NARRATOR: . Oh. boring. You can stop dreaming about your handsome stranger. He lacked the finesse. I guess so. I don’t know … It’s – it’s so infantile! Oh. His name was Seth Gray … But. baby … the water’s wonderful! I’ll be right with you … Please don’t be in such a hurry all the time! Have a little finesse about you! I made him wait … just like I always did! Besides. what was the sense in hurrying … There was only a dingy old swimming hole waiting. he was here in the flesh and the other person existed only in my mind. Liza honey! Dad gave me the afternoon off! Thought you’d like to go swimming … Sure is hot today! How about it? We-ell. Liza … Seth is here! Oh. C’mon on in. without excitement! At least that’s how I found it! But a girl can dream.

but then. Don’t you think this is a great way to live. Liza? Go swimming whenever you want and let the warm sun beat down on you … This is really living. who seemed to sense what was going on in my mind! Oh Seth … You’re … you’re so crude! Not like the guy you were just dreaming about. of a lift back to the farm … Tractor. like always. That’s the way it always was with my feelings toward Seth! I’d compare him with the man of my dreams and he just didn’t compare! But then he’d take me in his arms and kiss me and for the instant I’d forget about my “dream man. isn’t it? What’s the matter. TIM: LIZA: NARRATOR: LIZA: SETH: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: LIZA: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: . can I get you anything to drink … Is there something you want? No thank you. Tim … just you! My reverie was short-lived as I was suddenly yanked out of my dream by Seth … Seth. Seth! on something else! My mind was LIZA: NARRATOR: Yes. What? Oh.” That’s how Seth’s kisses affected me! Oh my! A few days passed. huh? But there’s one way to make you forget him … like this! And then I was in his arms and his lips were pressing against mine! At first I tried to resist. honey? You’re not even paying attention! Huh. I’m sorry.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 13 SOUND EFFECT: SETH: Sounds of nature. my mind was on something else … on the type of swimming pool I had always envisioned myself in … and with the type of man to go with it! Liza darling. wanting more and more of his caress! Heavy petting. I felt myself yielding. days filled with my dreams and of ignoring Seth! But in our tiny community that was almost impossible and so a few days later in town I had no choice but to accept his offer.

Liza … What’s the matter. The next few days dragged by with leaden feet and after a while I forgot completely about my letter … Well. you hick! Newspaper rustling. You’re kidding! You don’t really think you can find your “dream man” by writing a letter to some phony racket. boring life I was destined to lead! Seeking romance … excitement …love … adventure! Then write to this office and we will forward your letter to a person of the opposite sex! Who knows what this might lead to … perhaps everything you’ve ever dreamed about! P. maybe it was fate! For in those pages I saw my escape from the dull. I’ll even let you mail my letters … That should prove how much I’m kidding! It was too late for me to back down now! So I wrote the letter as soon as I got home! A letter that had been in my mind for years … telling everything about myself and hinting at what I was looking for in a man … The rest was to come if and when somebody answered my letter! Letter writing.O.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 14 SETH: Haven’t seen you in quite a while. will they never cease! LIZA: SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: ADVERTISEMENT: NARRATOR: SETH: LIZA: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: SETH: . do you? Of course I can! And to prove to you that I’m not kidding. been busy with that dream man of yours! Oh you just don’t understand! Now give me that paper so I’ll have something to do on the way home … I don’t want to talk to you … you. not completely! But then … Hey look what I found in your mail box … a letter for you … and with a New York address! Miracles. It was out of spite that I read the paper instead of paying attention to Seth! But who knows. box … I don’t know why I bothered to tell Seth about the ad … perhaps out of spite … but he reacted exactly the way I thought he would.

Liza? look like something out of a dream! You … NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: LIZA: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: SETH: LIZA: NARRATOR: Oh don’t be ridiculous. I didn’t expect you so early! You didn’t think I could stay away from you longer than is necessary.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 15 LIZA: Never mind your wise cracks. Of course I didn’t completely ignore Seth … How could I? And one night he arrived to take me to the annual county dance … What happened to your pig tails. did you … Only a fool would do that! But my dream was short-lived … for a county square dance is hardly conducive to the romantic atmosphere I had built up … Square dance. And if it bothered him he never said a word! Opening a letter. Seth … Just a little something I did with my hair! Somehow I didn’t even seem to notice Seth at the foot of the stairs …It was Tom Hamilton who was waiting for me! Why Tom. smarty … Just give me my letter! Now we’ll see who lives in a dream world! Even though it hurt. how I let Seth know it … Of course he saw all the mail that passed between us. Tom Hamilton … age 29 … architect … and here’s his picture … tall … dark … handsome … This is too good to be true! I … can’t …believe … it … I … must … still … be … in … my … dream … world … He’s … everything … I ever … wanted … After that my correspondence with Tom Hamilton continued hot and heavy! And each letter from him convinced me even further that this was exactly the man that I had envisioned in my mind! And oh. Okay ladies and gents … grab your partners and away we’ll go! LIZA: TOM: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: DANCE CALLER: . I waited until just before going to sleep before reading the letter … This was a secret that I would share with no one! Opening the letter.

Tom! Finally came a break in the dance and Seth took me outside! It was obvious that he had something on his mind … something he had to tell me … The country at night. his lips against mine! It wasn't just a dream . yielding to his lips against mine! Once again I tried to resist but couldn’t … Once again I wanted his kisses … more … more … more! Love making.... at least you could be more sophisticated than that! Don’t you have some polish about you? Now swing your partners round about … ladies in and gents out! C’mon Liza. Not a word was said when Seth took me home! But the words were forming in my heart . bored! Get into the swing of it … You act This is so … so … infantile! DANCE CALLER: SETH: LIZA: NARRATOR: Well.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 16 SETH: LIZA: Hurry up honey! start! The first dance is about to Oh Seth. I am bored! That was the trouble with Seth … no polish! Not like Tom Hamilton anyway … It wouldn’t have been a country square dance with him! Waltzing in a ballroom. for when he had been kissing me I had been dreaming that it was Tom Hamilton! It had been his arms about me . what is it? Well. Seth. Yes. Liza you know how I feel about you … or you should! What I want to say … what … I’m … trying … to … say …Oh nuts... I can’t say it! All I can do is … this! And once again I was in Seth’s arms. And I never want to leave them … Hold me tight. Dancing with you is like dancing with an angel! I never want to let you out of my arms. I know it! That's why I had to write SOUND EFFECT: TOM: LIZA: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: LIZA: SETH: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: ..

. it's about you and me ...... your .... about us . with polish .. I've been rehearsing all day! Go ahead. say them. Seth ...... .... My letter! You have my letter! LIZA: NARRATOR: LIZA: SETH: Yes.. words that I had been longing to hear . and I yielded! Our bodies strained NARRATOR: SETH: LIZA: NARRATOR: LIZA: SETH: NARRATOR: .. I didn't come right out and say so . Why is it I can't get the words out . I always imagined ....... eagerly .. and his kisses were speaking for him! Kisses of desire . Liza! I waited weeks for his next letter .Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 17 him another letter! A letter that I had been wanting to write from the very beginning of our paper romance! SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: Letter writing.. .. SAY THEM! Please go on. And then the words stopped .... Liza . and there were times when I gave up hoping ... so . Tom . I think it is the one you've been waiting for! But before you read it can I say something ..... And ... Seth ....... ever yours ..... What is it you wanted to tell me? I waited eagerly for him to say the words . of longing ....... close . now ...... Perhaps I had been too forward . Perhaps he had another girl! A thousand possible reasons ran through my mind . Seth! Well . something I've been wanting to say for years! And once again Seth started to tell me what was in his heart ....... finesse ... will .. That's where he would find my love . I always hoped .. romance . but he was clever enough to read between the lines ...... For this was a letter that hinted of my love for him! Oh... We've been going together for a long time and I always thought .... dear . awaiting . and then came that day of days when Seth brought me this answer .. wanting him to say them as I knew Tom Hamilton could say them .. Oh darn it . answer . Oh you know what I'm trying to say! Come here ..

he that was making love to against each other as consumed us! And for was forgotten . What are you doing here? SOUND EFFECT: LIZA: NARRATOR: LIZA: SETH: SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: Same thing you are.. How could I sleep when visions of a tall. Oh Seth. Gasp.... dark handsome stranger who loved me ... Finally the train arrived! Eagerly I watched the passengers get off ....... That's the only reason! There was little sleep for me that night. for I wanted him to see a real man. He's coming to see me . Oh hello Seth.. He was . he didn't show up . Seth! You're wearing a white carnation! That's right. dark handsome stranger wearing a white carnation were spinning through my mind? A tall.. for there was no Tom Hamilton! In distress I turned to Seth! Train departure... who would sweep me off my feet and make my world of dreams come true! The time passed so slowly the next day but finally it was noon! I raced to the station to wait for the train and also found Seth there! I was glad of that .. waiting for this new fella of yours! Train arrival. honey.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 18 the flames of our passion the moment Tom Hamilton only for the moment . I'm your Tom Hamilton! SOUND EFFECT: LIZA: SETH: SOUND EFFECT: . but for once again it was me and not Seth! SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: Love making. tomorrow on the noon train! He'll be wearing a white carnation! Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I'll see him tomorrow! That means he must love me! Else why would he come all this way out here just to see me ... I tore myself out of his embrace and raced into the house before his love and desire consumed me! And then I remembered the letter . I guess .. and my heart dropped .... Tom Hamilton's letter! The one answering me! Letter opening..

and my lips were against his . where I belonged! I could always write the things I felt ..... not on paper! LIZA: NARRATOR: SETH: LIZA: NARRATOR: SOUND EFFECT: NARRATOR: THE END.... why? If you can write letters like that why couldn't you tell me those things? I always imagined you as a hick . . It's something you feel in your heart.. And now I know what love really is .... but your letters sounded like the man I had always dreamed about! And then suddenly I was in his arms .... The only time I did was when you did! This! And then he was in my arms . I know how you felt them! For I felt them too ..Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 19 SETH: I opened that first letter you wrote and rather than see you hurt by some stranger I pretended that I was Tom Hamilton! I had a friend in New York mail the letters for me! But why. and that's where they belonged! Love making... only I was too stupid to realize . even though I felt them! And you know how I felt them! Yes Seth.... but I could never say them to you . Seth .

streamlined beauty! Yeah! I’m giving the orders! Lieutenant Timmy: check radar antenna screen for all clear. Timmy.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 20 ADVERTISEMENT #2: PITCHMAN: JET “ROCKET” SPACE SHIP Jet “Rocket” The most sensational toy in America! Space Ship! It’s gigantic! Yes. On trips through space? Sure. Bobby. All clear! Test all radio instruments and equipment. Aye aye. Cindy. This is really it! Can I play. too? Sure thing. a cup of coffee when you get the chance. There’s no more make-believe. Even futuristic spacemen need clean laundry and home cooked meals! Yay! Alright. Cindy. I’ll close the hinged cockpit cover and check my star map of space. Captain Bobby! Blast off! TIMMY: PITCHMAN: CINDY: PITCHMAN: CINDY: PITCHMAN: BOBBY: TIMMY: BOBBY: CINDY: TIMMY: BOBBY: . TIMMY: PITCHMAN: BOBBY: PITCHMAN: The control levers work! That’s right. You are the captain of your own sleek. It’s complete with all the newest scientific advances of flights of the future. no more pretending with small models. Captain Bobby! All jet and rocket flying equipment in action. Bobby! Play with those levers all you like! It is for you! A real streamlined space ship big enough for you and Timmy. Almost 6 feet long.

set your reversing mechanism and you’re in for a quick landing! Wow. the Jet “Rocket” Space Ship has everything you need for an afternoon of thrilling excitement and adventure! But where’s the coffee pot? Sorry. . You release your load of powerful nuclear bombs and bullseye! You return home victoriously. Your forward disintegrator gun goes into action! Your fully equipped radar instrument panel shows the target. New York. Lynbrook. I guess you’ll just have to go back to playing tea party with your doll! Cruel. Timmy! Just think of all the wonderful things we can do in our sensational new space ship! It will bring us more fun and adventure than we’ve ever known! And it was easy to assemble from sturdy interlocking fiberboard panels! Yes. steering with the directional jets at the stern. Cindy. You will be thrilled as never before with the Jet “Rocket” Space Ship! BOBBY: TIMMY: BOBBY: PITCHMAN: CINDY: PITCHMAN: SOUND EFFECT: PITCHMAN: THE END.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 21 PITCHMAN: You set your course. which are controlled by separate throttles at your fingertips. Don’t delay! Order now! Honor House Products Corporation. misogynistic laughter. thirtyfive Wilbur Street. Department S-P seventy-six.

but these letters are not! (to the audience) Friends. here in the Dead Letter Office . send them to me at pulp@theatreunleashed. Let’s see what some of you have to say. I think he’s full of cabbage. You’re confused! How did we receive a letter about today’s stories so soon!? Dear Dead Letter Office. Beth. Cabbage causes violence in children.com.. if you would like to have your letters delivered to the Dead Letter Office.. any horror stories soon? Yes we will! Will you be telling THE OLD CARETAKER: LETTER 3: THE OLD CARETAKER: LETTER 4: Next week in fact! Dear Old Caretaker. I’m dying to read them! .. Offended in Berkeley. how could Liza not know Seth was posing as Tom? Color me confused. It seems to me that the stories in the Graveyard are full of stereotypes and obsolete notions of social norms. Settle a bet for me. Spoken like a true Commie! Dear Dead Letter Office. Dear Old Caretaker. So send me your letters . Sigmund. All emails become property of Theatre Unleashed Inc. If it weren’t for my good friend the postal carrier. My friend Fred says comic books cause violent behavior in children. Don’t believe me? forcing one to eat cabbage! LETTER 1: THE OLD CARETAKER: Try LETTER 2: Dear Old Caretaker. Jamie. Best regards. You’re both half right.Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 22 LETTERS PAGE THE OLD CARETAKER: This old graveyard can be mighty lonely at times. Also. I don’t understand why Li’l Augie had a handkerchief covered in perfume.. I might die of boredom – most likely by my own hand! Your letters and cards keep me from having any unfortunate accidents. Are you for real? THE OLD CARETAKER: LETTER 5: THE OLD CARETAKER: Yes I am.

mind you. or what may find you! ..Pulp Graveyard Readers Theatre Issue 1 23 CONCLUSION THE OLD CARETAKER: Well. Until next time.. this is the Old Caretaker saying . your letters. titled “Desert Raiders!” Plus more advertisements and. friends. I hope you’ll come back my way next week for a tale of vampires and murder titled “Blood Thirst!” And a Western yarn high on adventure and intrigue.. it’s time for this old caretaker to shoo you out of the pulp graveyard and lock up the gates for the night. Not to keep people out. you’ll never know what you’ll find in the pulp graveyard . of course. but to keep the living undead in! There are many more animated corpses of stories past coming to the surface..

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