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Dear Kalon Women and Men,

2011 has come to an end, and we wanted to take some time with you to talk about this past year, and about what is coming next at Kalon Women.

Thank you for this great year

First of all, thank you for all your contributions and feedback during this year. Kalon Women could not be what it is today without you. Whether you are new to Kalon Women or have been here since the beginning in 2008, we really appreciate you, your contributions and your friendship.

Whats coming: A new community page

In 2012 we will bring more educational videos/podcasts/webinars, networking, training and business information to our Kalon Women Community through our paid membership networking site! We have put together an outstanding source of talent to help you gain knowledge, grow your business, connect to the right people and launch your career/business to the next level. All FREE with your paid membership of only $22.50 per YEAR! (This fee is not associated with the monthly magazine you receive through email our digital magazine will remain a FREE issue) Kalon Women will start off these webinars hosted within the community membership site with a series presented by our sister company, The Network Chefs called: Social Media Jump Start! This series will begin on January 15, 2012 so watch for more information through your email. We will also place upcoming webinars/videos/podcasts on our Kalon Communities Calendar each month so make sure to check back often. Not a member? Its easy, just click here to sign up. It also came to our attention that we are leaving out a very important part of our community, the men who sit on the sidelines and support Kalon Women each month and there are a lot of them! With that being said, on January 1st, we will open our community site to men. We feel that their contributions will only help us grow and that our community will benefit greatly from their expertise. So help us spread the word and welcome them into our community.

This is just the beginning...

During this year, Kalon Women has seen a lot of changes, and we will continue in 2012, with a strong focus on the COMMUNITY on YOU our Kalon Women and Men. Enjoy the holiday festivities and Happy New Year!

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Facebookwho cares? By: Sandra Morgan Beauty & Fat: a match made in heaven By: Carrie E. Pierce 2012 The Financial Action Plan By: Ronit Rogoszinski An all new world By: Henry Piarrot Old on purposedefying ageism By: Marcia Barhydt Mentoring By: Jill Tietjen and Charlotte Waisman The secret of patience in love, dating and sex By: Cheryl Michaels The politics of pillow talk By: Chris Scioli

The opinions expressed herein are those of the respective authors and not necessarily those of Kaln Women or GRM Solutions, LLC. Neither Kaln Women nor GRM Solutions, LLC will be liable for any damages or losses, however sustained, as a result of the reliance on, or use by a reader, or any other person of, any information, opinions or products expressed, advertised or otherwise contained herein. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or duplicated without the written permission of the publisher. The publisher accepts no responsibility for unsolicited manuscripts or other material including color transparencies. 2008-2012 KALN WOMEN ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2008 2012 KALN WOMEN IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF GRM SOLUTIONS, LLC.

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Facebook currently has over 750 million active users, and that number continues
to grow steadily. According to, it is currently the second most popular website in the world (behind Google) in terms of unique visitors, and according to ComScore, the most popular social network overall. Think your customers arent on Facebook? There are tens of thousands of workrelated, collegiate, and high school networks. According to, approximately two thirds of U.S. Facebook users are outside of the college demographic, and users age 26 to 64 make up more than half of Facebooks U.S. user base. While Facebook started off as a community for college students, it has expanded far beyond that, and youd be hard-pressed to find a demographic not yet represented among Facebooks 750 million users. Here are 5 good reasons why businesses should participate and maintain a presence on Facebook: 1. 2. 3. 4. Get found by people who are searching for your products or services Connect and engage with current and potential customers Create a community around your business Promote other content you create, including webinars, blog articles, or other reJanuary 2012

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sources 5. Generate leads for your business I want to get something straight here before we continue: On Facebook, Profiles are meant for People Pages are meant for Businesses! However - To fully engage and leverage Facebooks features, you should create a personal profile. If youre worried about privacy or balancing business and personal contacts, well discuss that more in a later post. Do not create a personal Profile for your business. Facebook has built significant functionality specifically for businesses, and all of this functionality is only available for Pages. Well talk about Pages more in a later post. So what are the key differences between Business Pages and Personal Profiles? Pages allow you to designate multiple administrators so you can have more than one person help manage the account. In addition, if one of your administrators leaves the company, you can still have control over the Page. Pages are, by default, public, and are starting to rank in Facebook and public search

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results. Pages are split into different categories (local businesses, brands, musicians) that help you get listed in more relevant search results. Personal profiles have friends, which require mutual acceptance, whereas anyone can become a fan of your Page without needing administrator approval. Worried about privacy? Facebook is very flexible in letting you control your exposure on Facebook. In another post, well discuss how to customize your privacy settings to control who sees which parts of your profile so you can safely engage on Facebook with both personal and business contacts. Are you like most businesses who know they need social media, but dont understand it dont have the time or just plain do not want to do it? Youre not alone! Contact us today to help you plan your social media campaign. Well manage your online presence while you work on your business! Contact Us: 2010 2012 The Network Chefs All rights reserved This article may not be reprinted, reproduced, or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the author.

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As weve discussed in previous articles, the skin is a very complex and incredible organ. Living, breathing and renewing, it serves as the body's second bowel, third kidney and third lung. Consisting of basically-3 layers and millions of cells, it comprises approx. 5% of a persons body weight and absorbs molecularly -from one degree to another- what is applied to it. The outermost layer of the skin-the epidermis- renews itself approximately every 28 days. The act of Aging slows this renewal process-causing dead skin cells to cling to the surface of the skin, creating an unhealthy appearance, and enhancing the wrinkling, bagging, sagging and dullness so often associated with age.
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And as a reminder to you, much of having healthy, radiant skin is an inside job. There are things that can and should be done daily-both internally and externally- to care for the skin and keep it radiant, healthy, firm and beautiful. That said, one of the most important things you can do to keep yourself young looking and acting, severely bucks mainstream thinkingespecially during this: the season of New Years Resolutions! The truth remains that in todays world: FAT is a four letter word and should be avoided at all costs- but nothing could be further from the truth when it comes to your health or beauty! In actuality, the right fat- in the right amount can be a powerful, potent beauty and health elixir. Its crucial to understand not only the importance of the essential fatty acids- but the role each plays- especially in the area of Menopausal skin, hair and nail care. Essential Fatty Acids (EFAs) are further classified as the Omegas: Omega 3/6/and 9. New research conducted in the past three years has also indicated the existence of a substance now known as Omega 7, which is proving to provide powerful anti-inflammatory benefits. For now though, lets focus on the more recognized Omegas. There are 2 types of Omega 3 fats: DHA (ethyldocosahexaenoic acid) and EPA ( ethyl eicosapentaenoic acid). The Omega 6 EFA is thought to stem primarily from linoleic acid. Linoleic acid is then converted to gammalinolenic acid (GLA) in the body. GLA is an important inflammation fighter and also has a role to play in the balancing of horJanuary 2012 13 Kalon Women Maga-

mones and the maintenance of healthy skin-again, especially during Menopause. These essential fatty acids are required by the body to function optimally. The body does not manufacture EFAs on its own, consequently these all-important fats must be supplied by our diet. The Omegas are actually present in the cellular membranes of every single cell of the human body- so its easy to see how important they are! Much of the changes seen in a woman's skin as she ages are actually due to oxidative processes - the internal 'rusting' that takes place as the body becomes long on toxic overload and short on antioxidants and essential nutrients. Also, its well documented that a natural drying out process occurs in a womans body as she moves through the peri menopause and Menopause process. Fluctuating hormone levels have a role to play in this issue- and the essential fatty acids assist the body in the manufacture and distribution of crucial sex hormones, carrying molecular messages between the cells and serving to provide prostaglandin
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balance. Prostaglandins are hormone-like in their nature and are understood to serve as messengers and regulators within the body cells and tissues. So, just what the heck does all this scientific mumbo jumbo mean to Y-O-U?! Simply put: Peri menopause begins around the age of 35 in most women. During this time of hormonal shift, skin, hair and nails begin to suffer and other worrisome and bothersome symptoms set up shop. You may begin to experience ongoing -and worsening- dryness issues. Your skin might become sensitive-with itching and flaking occurring regularly where there was no problem before. Chronic dry skin stems from 2 basic causes: deficiencies in key nutrients and ongoing, uncorrected hormone imbalances. The Essential Fatty Acids work to combat both these root causes by feeding the skin at a cellular level, allowing skin cells to nourish and rejuvenate themselves. So how does one go about ensuring that they consume enough of the EFAs to positively impact both skin AND hormone health? Good question! Omegas 3 and 6 can be obtained from food sources and supplements. Excellent sources of Omega 3s are: Seafood/Flax seeds/
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raw nuts-especially walnuts/eggs and canola oil. Excellent sources of Omega 6 are: Borage Oil/Evening Primrose Oil- aka as : the Kings Cure-all, ( yet given its many uses for easing menstruation, hot flashes and other rather severe female-hormonerelated issues, perhaps it should be known as the Queens Cure-all instead) Sunflower, canola and safflower oils/eggs and soybeans. Now that weve discussed why these EFAs are crucial to health and beautyespecially during Menopause- lets look at the proper ratios: Studies show a healthy balance of Omega 3 to Omega 6 is crucial. The typical American diet has a ratio of 1:20 (Omega 3 to Omega 6), and its now thought this ratio should be closer to 5:1 or less. Omega 6s are known to be possible inflammation-producers and as such need to be properly balanced with Omega 3s which are shown to reduce inflammation within human tissues. When Omega 6 predominates in a diet, such as a diet rich in animal fats and corn derived products, skin and hormonal issues appear to be made worse. The bottom-line to all of this is- simply put: good skin starts with good nutrition.
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PERIOD. Vaginal dryness, dry eyes, joint pain and/or thinning hair, skin and brittle nails are all signs of EFA deficiency- in most cases- and should be discussed with your health care provider ASAP. Adding the right Beauty Fats to your diet can -and will- make all the difference- and your entire body from head to toe will thank you, ESPECIALLY as you move through Menopause!

Carrie Pierce has worked exclusively in the skin, health, and beauty
industries for 26 years. She is a licensed Aesthetician, Film and TV makeup artist and has built a solid international reputation as a holistic, menopausal skin expert. A recognized speaker and published writer, Carrie is Founder and President of
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First and foremost its important to start by patting yourself on the back if you
managed to weather 2011 with its crazy market swings, record breaking natural disasters, political grid lock in Washington, DC and a near collapse of the Euro Zone. Oh, lets not forget China and the Asian continents continued strive to grow their middle class and most importantly, the Arab Spring throughout the middle east. Yes 2011 was a whopper of a year and I am quite sure 2012 will not be any less stressful or eventful. So how does one begin 2012? Financial action plan, of course. A sound financial plan is based on many factors all of which are important and need to be reviewed consistently and coordinated on an on-going base. Therefore, I strongly recommend that you make time to sit with your financial advisor or wealth consultant and review your finances on an all-in approach. Leave nothing off the table. Discuss every topic however mundane it may seem. Ultimately a sound plan that is visited and actively managed may lead to a less stressful year ahead.

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Stock and bonds? When discussing your portfolio here are a few ideas I would pass on. In a market likely to produce only modest gains, diversifying your fixed-income holdings and focusing on relatively stable equities, is a strategy I recommend you actively discuss in 2012. Hold the Big Dependable According to common economic knowledge, early on in a recovery cycle, small company stocks historically give you the biggest pop. However, at this stage of our recovery, its the big-boys with balance sheet might that are likely to outperform in 2012. These large companies have a far larger exposure to foreign markets and a greater potential for profitability. However, their bigger dividend can account for a larger portion of your gains in a low return universe this coming year. Bet on high yield - On the flip side of the investment spectrum we have bonds. As the recession fears rose in 2011, economically sensitive high-yield bonds sold off big time. This caused a reduction in the price of existing high yield bonds thereby pushing their yields up to records highs. At the same time the flight to safety meant that short-term treasuries jumped up in price by almost 9% according to Barclays US aggregate Bond index in early 2011 driving their yields down to barely a positive number. Since the high yield bond products tend to bounce around, keeping a modest allocation perhaps in the 5 to 10 percent range. As mentioned before, treasuries wont default or bounce around as much as high-yields, but are at risk if rates rise. Treasuries maturing in five to eight years are
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paying barely more than cash, so it makes little sense to buy them at this point. A bar bell approach makes a lot more sense such as approximately 80% of the treasuries to be short-term securities and 20% in long-term bonds. In fact the Feds campaign to buy long term bonds known as Operation Twist, should make long term bonds less risky. Since this strategy with todays numbers should yield about 2.5% yield, its almost one percentage point greater than the seven year treasury. Again discuss this with your advisor to make sure this allocation is sufficient to give your portfolio some exposure to the asset class. Over all the markets may very well continue to swing wildly back and forth right up to the election all the while keeping a closer eye on Europes financial woes. You will need to remain vigilant and proactive with your plan but most importantly, focused on the long term goal versus day to day numbers. Good luck out there.

Ronit Rogoszinski CFP, is a LPL financial planner with Arch Financial Group and specializes in working with individuals transitioning though major life changing events. The information in this article is based on a CFP Board brochure, What You Should Know About Financial Planning. It is available free at 1-800-487-1497 or Founded in 1985, the CFP Board is a nonprofit certifying organization that owns the CFP certification marks in the U.S. and benefits the public by fostering professional standards in personal financial planning. Securities and advisory services offered through LPL Financial, a Registered Investment Advisor. Member FINRA/SIPC.

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"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill Over the years of writing the stories of hundreds of people, the topic of how the world has changed many times during their lives comes up often. Consequently, with the recent passing of my 52nd birthday, I found myself realizing that the world of my youth no longer exists. I was born on December 10, 1959. Since that fateful Thursday afternoon, the world has turned 18,993 times, lapped the sun 52 times and rained, snowed, cracked and shook more times than I can count. Terrible wars have come and gone and miraculous medical and mechanical advances have occurred. In my lifetime, as Americans, we went from trying to get along with people who did not like us to those who wish to destroy us and our entire way of life. To many I know, I am still young, but I have seen a lot.

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President Dwight D. Eisenhower was near the end of his second term when I arrived. Before I was even a year old, the Tiros I, the first weather satellite, was launched by the United States, in the Soviet Union, a United States U-2 reconnaissance plane was shot down over Russia and John F. Kennedy was elected President of the United States. Before I was old enough to watch the evening news, the "Bay of Pigs" invasion of Cuba was repulsed, Commander Alan Shepard, inside a Mercury capsule was finally launched and traveled over 115 miles above the earth from Cape Canaveral, Florida, President Kennedy announced his intention to place a man on the moon by the end of the decade and the construction of the Berlin Wall began. The next year, my recollections begin when Lt. Colonel John Glenn became the first U.S. astronaut to orbit the Earth in the Friendship 7 Mercury capsule not long before the world held its breath during The Cuban Missile Crises. Just as I was about to turn 4 years old, Martin Luther King painted his dream and Camelot abruptly closed for business. Suddenly, my first decade became defined by The Beatles, The Mustang, and Johnsons Vietnam War. Before long, Medicare, race riots, draft card burning, Nixon, Woodstock and a man on the Moon took me to the fourth grade.

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The 1970s brought Kent State, Watergate, Roe v. Wade and the end of a war many say we had no business fighting. Ford lost to Carter and even Disco could not lift the malaise. So Iran held us hostage and convinced us that they were not the only country in need of a revolution. By 1980, I was finally old enough to vote and made sure I did. America had become a dark place and we needed someone to turn on the lights. However, Ronald Reagan had barely gotten our hostages home before we almost lost him to a Jodi Foster infatuation. In between the Knoxville and New Orleans World Fairs, Reagan gave us Star Wars and Sally took a Space Shuttle ride. Then Mondale thought Miss Geraldine would get the womens vote, but the Electoral College counted 525 to 13 and that was all she wrote. Mikhail Gorbachev tried to trick our President, but Reagan demonstrated peace through strength when he refused capitulation to the demand of limiting development of the "Star Wars" missile defense shield and The Central Committee of the Soviet Communist Party ultimately gave up its monopoly of power and George H. W. Bush came into office just in time to watch the Berlin Wall come down. Then he kicked Saddam out of Kuwait, but when he raised he our taxes, Bill Clinton sent him home. Actually, Ross Perot did have a little something to do with that. In 1995 we all cried when anarchists Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols explode a bomb outside the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, killing one hundred and sixty-eight people, many were small children in a daycare. After Monicas blue dress and the Dot.Com Bubble burst, George W. Bush, son of the former President, and Vice President Al Gore ran a virtual dead-heat for the presidency. But Gore disputed the vote in Florida, holding off the naming of the winner of the Presi24 Kalon Women Magazine January 2012

dent Election until the Supreme Court of the United States voted rightly in favor of Bush 2 days after my 41st birthday, giving Florida to the Bush camp with a razor thin 527 vote majority. In response to the horrific murders of September 11, 2001, the U. S. military, with a little help from our friends, commenced the first attack in the War on Terror on the Taliban and Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan. Then, the War in Iraq began with the bombing of Baghdad after additional measures and mandates from the United Nations and the United States coalition failed to gain concessions or the removal of Saddam Hussein from power. I did live to see it, as Barack Obama took the oath of office for President in January 2009, becoming the first partially African-American president in the history of the nation. I was and still so glad to see us finally get past an important hurdle. The Democrat Senator from Illinois came into the office on a message of Change. Unfortunately, it is possible our country may not survive the changes. Whether it is personal computers, electric cars, I-Phones, wireless internet or flat screen televisions, I am definitely living today in an all new world. Did I mention four of my five children are now grown? I can only imagine the future that is waiting for them

Henry Piarrot is a Sevier County resident and hotel manager on assignment in Nashville, TN. Please send all story recommendations to
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Are you a woman who does everything possible to deny the process of aging in
yourself? Are you a woman who defies the physical and mental changes happening to us? And are you a woman who disguises the challenges you face as an older woman? Well here's a group who is defiantly accepting their age. Their story will fill you, as it did me, with appreciation of their dedication to being Old On Purpose. This article will, I hope, allows us to embrace positive aging. These women and men aren't boomers anymore; they're older than boomers and they're making their own rules beyond boomer rules. Start by watching this video (click on the link) to see how aging really is and to hear elders describe their lives this very moment as "an adventure," "a gift." I have a catchphrase for the way that many people view aging; I call it the ice floe mentality and it refers to the practice years and years ago by the Inuit people of
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northern Canada to escort their older members to a piece of floating ice and leave them there to float away with the ice floe and die. That was then, this is now. Our world is filled with older people, both boomers (born from 1946 to 1964) and pre-boomers who are now at least in their 70s and beyond. Boomers have attained a degree of acceptance; they've given all of us a new image of how we appear and how we think. The Positive Aging Revolution is doing the same thing for those of us beyond boomer-hood. We need to jump on board this train to our older years. We need to embrace this concept. We need to carve out a new image of ourselves as older women. And we need to be very vocal about it because we need to be heard. Being heard isn't often the case for this age group; we're often ignored and invisible, overlooked and omitted. We are often invisible. When we are acknowledged, it's often in a patronizing, dismissible way. We need to change this and we need to start now. Each one of us needs to have an honest look at her life and see what's not acceptable today at whatever age she is. Each one of us needs to approach each person and action that continues to perpetu-

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ate this offense with a firm hand to make this attitude stop. Look closely at your life and the people and circumstances in it. Are you being bombarded with email jokes about forgetful older people? Do you laugh at them just to prove that you're a good sport? It's time to put an end to this patronizing, offensive, diminutive attitude. Please understand that I'm not suggesting you become a fanatic about all of this. If being a fanatic works for you, then go for it. But if you prefer to be lower key about this, then know that your one small voice, combined with all the other voices in the world, can start the change happening. You can choose to confront the sender of ageist jokes or you can choose simply to
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not forward such email. Both attitudes work; both approaches will make a difference. I often equate ageism with feminism. Feminism was a huge, revolutionary step to changing the image of women in our world. Fighting ageism is a huge, revolutionary step to changing the image of older men and women. Get on board right now. Be part of this positive aging revolution; make your own Old On Purpose film. This is where we're going and I'm just getting started. Marcia Barhydt, 2012

Marcia Barhydt is delighted to be 66 years old. A retired flight attendant who is

now self-employed as a writer, she is embracing this part of her life, especially the whimsy of writing. She is dedicated to challenging ageism, inequality and invisibility for older women, and she is equally dedicated to promoting a productive, positive and prosperous approach to aging. Her first book; a collection of 17 articles, titled Celebrate Age! Raves, Rants, Thoughts and Wisdoms Learned After 50 is available now. To read more and order Celebrate Age!

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Do you know that the Greek goddess Athena took the name of Mentor when she
provided guidance thousands of years ago? Today, you dont need to be a goddess in order to be a mentor! In fact, the dictionary defines a mentor as a wise and trusted counselor or teacher. The person with whom a mentor works the protg or mentee is someone who is looking to gain additional skills or knowledge. The mentee recognizes that a person with experience can help her achieve that goal. It may not surprise you to find out that mentoring has played a significant role for women who were looking to gain new expertise and understanding. In this months column, we highlight mentors Maria Mitchell, Florence Bascom, Ruth Fulton Benedict, and Ruth St. Denis. As a child in the early 1800s, Maria Mitchell was insatiably curious. Her father (an amateur astronomer) encouraged her interest in astronomy. By the age of 12, she was assisting her father with astronomical observations. He taught her to calculate the positions and orbits of celestial bodies and how to use telescopes and navigational instruments. She helped her father time an annular solar eclipse and used the data to determine
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the longitude of their home. On October 1, 1847, she sighted a new telescopic comet and calculated its exact position. It was almost a year before it was established that she had calculated the position first; she was then awarded a Gold Medal from the King of Denmark. In 1848, she became the first woman elected to the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. In 1865, she accepted positions at Vassar College as director of the observatory and professor of astronomy. She influenced generations of women who were her students and is cited as one of the best known and also one of the greatest of Vassars teachers. As the most prominent American woman scientist of her time, she dedicated herself to opening up the scientific professions to women. Among her students who became scientists, 25 appeared in Whos Who in America. Maria Mitchell was an amazing mentor! Another woman who is cited as being a remarkable mentor is geologist Florence Bascom. After earning her bachelors and masters degrees at the University of Wisconsin, Bascom applied to enter the PhD program at The Johns Hopkins University. She faced immense obstacles in applying for that doctoral program. Johns Hopkins University had not yet allowed a woman to officially complete a degree program. Seven months after she applied for admission, the Geology Department allowed her to attend without being officially enrolled as a student. She was charged only for laboratory fees and her seat was located in a corner of the classroom hidden behind a screen. When she applied formally to the PhD program two years later, she was accepted secretly. Her dissertation was described as brilliant. Bascom began teaching at Bryn Mawr in 1895. She grew the geology program from one course to a full major in less than a decade. Through her strenuous efforts, a graduate program in geology was established, as she had secured laboratory space, a mineral collection, and equipment for research and instruction. Bryn Mawr became a major center of American geology. In fact, it is cited as the locus of training for the most accomplished female geologists of the early 20th century. Bascom was a very popular teacher and a mentor. In 1937, eleven women were Fellows of the Geological Society of America: eight of them were Bryn Mawr College graduates.

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Ruth Fulton Benedict was Americas first woman anthropologist and for many years, the countrys leading specialist in the field. She helped to popularize anthropology for wider audiences. Moreover, Benedict proved women had unique and fresh perspectives that enlarged the world of science. In a field dominated by men until the early 20th century, Benedict left an indelible impact on her successors. She left behind a body of work that is still widely read and studied by anthropologists as well as the general public. Her seminal work, Patterns of Culture, was published in 1934. It reflected her findings that each culture fosters one dominant type of personality. She identified these differences in Native American cultures and noted that societies sometimes revere persons who are considered outcasts in other cultures. Controversial in the anthropological community and in society as a whole, the book was translated into 14 languages; it was still used as the standard introduction to anthropology 25 years after it was published. In addition, her research led her to combat racism in the 1940s. Her book, Race: Science and Politics (1940) and her 1943 pamphlet The Races of Mankind both spoke out heavily against racism. Importantly, Ruth Benedict served as a mentor to anthropologist Margaret Mead, who studied at Columbia University. We used a Margaret Mead quote to start the introduction to our book: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. With her myriad of accomplishments in the field of anthropology, protg Margaret Mead certainly did her mentor proud! Most of the women we profile in our book had mentors and were mentors. Mentoring helps in all fields of endeavor. Another mentor of note was modern dance pioneer Ruth St. Denis and her husband (Ted Shawn). They opened and ran the
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Denishawn school of dance. It was here that Martha Graham studied and made her first professional appearance in 1920 as a lead dancer in Shawns highly successful Xochitl, a modern ballet derived from Aztec legend. Graham is now considered the principal founder of modern dance in the U.S. Again, you can see the importance of mentoring for personal and career success. Many 21st century women, too, have benefited tremendously from the advice and counsel of a trusted mentor. Acknowledge your mentors during January National Mentoring Month. Thank them for all of their efforts. Strive to be a mentor to others to help bring them along. Reach a hand back and lift your hand up. For as the first female Secretary of State Madeleine Albright (who wrote the foreword to our book) says: There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.

Charlotte S. Waisman, PhD, co-author of Her Story: A Timeline of the Women

Who Changed America (HarperCollins), is a national champion and advocate for women as a professor and keynote speaker. As an executive coach, Waisman coauthored 50 Activities for Developing Leaders and The Leadership Training Activity Book. She is a principal with a consulting company specializing in leadership and workforce excellence initiatives.

Jill S. Tietjen, PE, co-author of Her Story: A Timeline of the Women Who Changed
America HarperCollins), is an author, speaker and electrical engineer. Her other books include the Setting the Record Straight series. Tietjen is a top historian on scientific and technical women. She is President/CEO of Technically Speaking, a consulting company that specializes in improving career opportunitiesfor women in technology. Sign up for our ENewsletter at

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Ralph Waldo Emerson gave excellent relationship advice when he said Adopt
the pace of nature: her secret is patience. In 2007, I divorced after having been married my entire adult life. As I began dating, I noticed a pattern among men in my age range. Many had ended long term marriages and quickly rebounded into a second marriage, which didnt last. They seemed embarrassed to divulge their lack of patience. When it comes to dating, PATIENCE is not only a virtueit is invaluable says Jonathan Aslay, a dating coach/confidant for women. Aslay coaches women that patience has a multi-fold benefit to the dating and love experience. Patience gives you an air of confidence, which makes you more desirable, and enables you to attract a higher caliber of partner. Those words from Jonathan are enough to convince me that patience is something I wish to be very, very good at. Experience has taught me that I never want to be the initiator. Online dating gives women easy options to show interest in a man and to make the first move. Ive done that, and I vow not to do it again because it has never produced a positive result for me. Lisa Daily, syndicated columnist and author of Stop Getting Dumped, promises to
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help readers find and marry the one in three years or less. A dating guru, Daily interviewed hundreds of bachelors to find out what makes a woman marriage material in this day and age. The article was published by iVillage in 2003, and is titled 10 Traits Men Look for in a Girlfriend. Trait #2: She never makes the first move. This issue has been debated to death, and there is no true consensus. But Daily says that she strongly believes women should never, ever pursue a man. Instead, she suggests waiting for the man to initiate and plan dates. Her reasoning: if the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if its just convenient for him. She may find herself questioning the relationship every step of the way. Online dating has made it easy for women to be the aggressor with a few simple clicks of their mouse. Through trial and error, I have developed a steadfast rule that I will never be the aggressor, online or in any other circumstance. If a man opens my online dating profile and is interested in me, he has to write to me, even if its only a sentence or two. Just clicking that silly wink button doesnt

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count. The reason it doesnt count with me, is there are men who go online and just wink at womens photos, dozens or hundreds at a time to see who just might respond. Jonathan Aslay advises women to let the man walk toward you, and to practice patience. Not responding to winks is an example of practicing patience. Aslay recommends another simple practice exercise, which is to not return a text from a man immediately. Be patient and wait an hour or two. But, that also doesnt mean responding days later. This brings up the subject of playing hard to get. Being patient is waiting for him to make the first move. Playing hard to get is not returning his phone call for four days and thinking that makes him want to chase you. More likely, he will think you are playing games, or arent very interested, and he will move on to the next woman he finds attractive. Now lets talk about benefits. Steve Harvey, who wrote Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man suggests women enforce The Ninety Day Rule, like corporations and Uncle Sam do. He says, So if Ford and the government wont give a man benefits until hes been on the job and proven himself, why, ladies, are you passing out benefits to
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men before theyve proven themselves worthy? In the iVillage article, 10 Traits Men Look for in a Girlfriend, Trait #4 is She waits to have sex. Sex is still a pretty big step for couples. Lisa Daily says that many women dont even realize just how much sex changes the dynamics of the relationship. When women have sex, they release a hormone called oxytocin, which some scientific researchers believe makes women feel extra warm and fuzzy for their sex partners. Daily warns that if women do the deed too soon, they might make too much of a relationship that barely ever existed outside of the bedroom. When you inflate the significance of a relationship, the man often bolts. Dailys advice is to wait at least one month into the relationship before having sex with your new man. I was discussing this with a male friend of mine recently, and he commented, dating is so condensed now. He was telling me how many of the women he has dated are ready and anxious to have sex, sometimes even on the first date. He admitted he was surprised and often taken aback by their aggressions. He told me that he was having gratuitous sex with a woman he barely knew for a few weeks. Eventually he awoke to the concept that it probably was her pattern to be sexually generous with many, not just him, and he stopped seeing her. Men can and will wait for sex. Rushing things sends them the message that you are a plaything, someone to be used and discarded. Love and relationships take time and patience, and a willingness to invest effort and energy without guarantees of what the future will bring. In these times of instant internet connections, instant messaging, and instant gratification, that message seems to have gotten lost for many. Ive wondered if dating and finding love has become more difficult than ever?

Cheryl Alexandra Michaels CPC, CSC is a Certified Professional Coach and

Spiritual Coach. She is a Reiki Master, an Angel Therapy Practitioner and a Reconnective Healing Practitioner. She lives in the suburbs of Seattle, Washington.
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Yesterday my husband suggested we

launch the New Year with some new pillows. He said Ive mangled mine so its deflated and lumpy. No, I disagree; I have molded it perfectly right for me. My husband rests his head on his pillow while I support my neck and head, which houses my often over stimulated brain. This is why I often toss and turn with my pillow taking the brunt of the turmoil. However, it is true, my side of the bed has lost its symmetry and my pillow is the culprit. So, in the spirit of compromise I agree and off we go to buy new pillows. I dont ask for additional entitlements to do this. I dont tell him I absolutely refuse to buy new pillows unless we also buy a new bedroom set. I dont fume about him to the news media or my friends same idea if you get my drift. I appreciate my husband and my life with him while at the same time I know I can exercise my constitutional right to protest this idea. I can occupy our bedroom in protest if I feel the need to. Unlike the entire United States Senate, House of Representatives, CA Assembly, CA Senate and just about every government official, along with all the nutso protestors, I CAN COMPROMISE. Its OK. We can buy new pillows. Our budget can afford this, and my kids and grandkids wont be paying for this expenditure in the years to come (whatever the hell that threat means that the politicians cry over and over again so that its worn thin, like my pillow). I am waylaid by some neat designer boots, but I dont grab them as a crass bargaining chip. I am an adult and I am above such bribes. By the time I hit the pillow department my husband has already picked a few to try out. They are all a little more than I would pay (after all, mine is going to be mangled in a short period of time), but they are affordable enough and we pick two and buy them. Now, the shoe would be on the other foot as they say, if we were talking about buying decorative pillows. I love pillows as a design accent and I buy a lot of them. My husband has often said when I am about to buy a few more, do we really need any more pillows? But, they are also within our budget so its no big deal. He never se40 Kalon Women Magazine January 2012

lects a Dolce and Gabbana 100% cashmere sweater to throw in at the checkout to even things out. In fact, he knows Ill take those pretty pillows home and jazz up one room or another and hell be glad I didnt opt for a new sofa, which frankly, he would also enjoy if it was in our budget. Compromise. Buying and enjoying what we can afford. Not worrying about tit for tats and trade offs and bridges to nowhere and other pork. Its not that hard. Oh, speaking of hard I didnt sleep too well last night. My new pillow was really puffy and hard to smush down. I couldnt get it under my neck no matter how hard I tried. My husband was sleeping like a baby, his head resting on his high new berth. I was happy to see this as I rolled around trying to get comfortable. I know, though, in a very short period of time, my pillow will conform to my liking just fine. In the meantime, my side of the bed will be smart and straight, showing off our new decorator pillows perfectly. Copyright January 2012 Christine Scioli All Rights Reserved

Christine ScioliA graduate of St. Joseph University, Philadelphia, Pa. with a

BA in English, Ms. Scioli worked as a legislative assistant on Capitol Hill, received her Juris Doctor from Delaware Law School and was admitted to the Pennsylvania Bar. She has written and produced a wide gamut of creative projects including educational, training, promotional and marketing videos, hundreds of television commercials, television series, feature films and documentaries through her film and video production company Zan Media, one of the few certified green production companies of its type. Web Address:

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January 2012