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We live in a day and age where words are powerful tools that shape our lives. They can be used to manipulate, educate, elevate and alienate people. Words can be a source of comfort; words can also be used to condemn a man to his death. Considering this, there are also words that we choose to keep within ourselves and shelter from the attention of the world. Sacred syllables that carry our hearts deepest desires, our minds greatest secrets, and our spirits sharpest pain. ‘Words I never said’ is an anthology created for the purpose of freeing these shackled words from their cerebral restraints. ‘Speak as you think’ is the message. Tell the world something you have always wanted to say, but never have, because you fear the repercussions. In this anthology the wordsmiths involved will engage you in a hard hitting piece of poetry that will caress and puncture your ear drums; you will not forget what you have read. When I sent out the theme for this anthology I did not expect to get such brave responses from the writers. I had a feeling that these writers where waiting for the right opportunity...this opportunity to share these poems with the world. As much as I was surprised I was also pleased, because this was exactly what this anthology was craving. Poems of neglect, poems of loss, poems that attack the prejudices that corrupt the moral fibre of society. I feel honoured to congratulate the 11 Poets that are involved in this anthology Phoenix Adam de Silva Aneika Caynes Knox Souls Lauren James Kiri Phoenix Kamran Assadi D’Soloist Zee Chapusha Catherine Labiran Ezekiel The Poet You will see a lot more from these poets in the future, but for now enjoy their words that have been expressed so beautifully. I give to you ‘Words I never said’.
Francis Xavier Labiran Founder
Phoenix - “Daddy’s lost girl” Knox Souls - “The old devil’s moon” Anieka Caynes - “The illicit greetings of a shackled entity” Adam de Silva - “Died of a natural cause” Lauren James - “Pause” D’Soloist - “Rise of the dawn” Kamran Assadi - “This is my Blueprint!” Francis Xavier Labiran - “Depth of isolation” Kiri Phoenix - “How can a heart be breaking?” Zee Chapusha - “McLaren MP4-12C” Catherine Labiran - “Untitled” Ezekiel The Poet - “The longest goodbye“ 2 5 7 9 12 14 16 19 22 24 26 29
‘Daddy’s lost girl’ by Phoenix
I don’t want you to love me, Love me and then you’ll leave, Leave me just like he, Did. Scared to love, Give myself away, To another male again. Left me before I could be, Daddy’s Little Girl. Broke my heart before it could grow. So I suffer, Holding the broken pieces of my heart, Cutting my hands & arms, It’s love I bleed, Slowly trickling down, The body of me. Giving myself to the wrong kind, Knowing wrong from right, But to their lies? I am blind. I push you away, Before you toss me away, Like the trash, Same way he left. So I leave before I am left. You won’t know I’m broken inside, Heart screams out crying, “Daddy how could you leave me?!” In and out like a revolving door, Never stayed long enough, Or gave me the chance, To know what it’s like, What it’s like to be Daddy’s Little Girl. Instead of love I hold, I hold discontent, Damn near hatred, So every male must face it,
The damage that you caused, The pain, I didn’t face. So instead, he feels my wrath, Fireball rage, From below my surface, Covered in pain. Confused by my outburst, But all I really want is for u to… Say you’ll stay, Love me past my past, Love me through my pain. I’m just a broken heart, Trying to be whole again. I’m not asking you to fix me, I’m more complex than that. Just love me for me, Issues and all. Like he never did, Never gave me that chance to know, How to understand, A fathers love Instead he’s made me, Daddy’s Lost Girl Phoenix
‘The old devil’s moon’ by Knox Souls
Seated with joy in the waking morning of the night The old devil’s moon was also shining on that night. It was a deceiving light in the, dark -So captivating. A lingering charm, yet so deceitful. Joy was snatched from our homes because death came knocking, relaying the news that our brother is missing. But the strong man that we knew you to be was fighting that call and was rather making his way home. We believe… … war bellows and love cries fill the rooms putting up hope that tomorrow will be a present. So we echo striving prayers for our brother: “Fight! Fight! Fight!” Hoping that you will make it home. Two days waiting. We pray a tacit prayer through our souls. The floorboards cry out our pain because we press on with our kneecaps, asking Our Master for a helping Hand so he will bring you home And that he may peel the fear off your back So that you may have wings to face this struggle The room is vibrating a call for help As families hearts echo barking prayers Apart from God and the angels It was only you in this dark jungle fighting for your life No one knows what it was like We hope the wind carries our cries to stir your heart to Let you know we are echoing our prayers And whatever our Master decides We know you lay in safe Everlasting Hands We are praying for you with love I even had this silly wish that I would ride a shooting star to your destination and save you. Not knowing what news the waking hours hold Leaving us black and blue Yet like a cigarette waiting to burn We were filled with hope. Wherever you stand or wherever you lay I know you are facing the cross And on that note I know you are facing heaven Now I truly understand that there is a divinity that Shapes our future and he will never depart from us Julian Knox
‘The illicit greetings of a shackled entity’ by Anieka Caynes
Yooooo! Wasurpppp my... Spook, Spade, Snowflake, Bounty, Oreo. Aunt Jemima, Tar-baby, Illegitimate Mulattoe. Dirty Worthless Parasite, Golliwogg, Cornbread. Intellectually Childlike, Boot lipped, Nappy head. Blue-Gummed Darkie, Banana Peeling Baboon. Alabama Porch Monkey, Midnight Coloured Coon. Anieka Caynes
‘Died of a natural cause’ by Adam de Silva
Died of a natural cause, Well’ That’s what they say. I remember that day cause at that moment my heart paused’ All around me faded, You weren’t here So inside I disintegrated, I felt alone. Why put me through this torture, Died of a natural cause again There ain’t anything natural about a father leaving his daughter. So What are they hiding, what’s with the lying? I still don’t believe the truth about his death, Don’t they think that’ll put my mind at rest & stop me thinking. I know he’s in heaven and he’s bless But One year on I’m still crying Dad I miss you I got to face facts: I can’t just wake up and kiss you Or for you to kiss me, “upon my forehead” After a story, whilst in bed I remember little things like when we used to fight for the remote or when you used to tell your not so funny jokes. Even the times when I used to ask for a sandwich, you used to put two biscuits together and say Lou here’s your sandwich, I used to laugh but who’d have known I’d miss something so daft, Something so priceless. You can’t put a price on love. You can’t put a price on a bond so tight, I remember those times at night, when I needed a hug, when I didn’t want to be alone Dad Your presence made our house feel a home And now you’re gone and I’m alone You see all I’ve got is memories and they play in my mind like a slideshow, Nobody knows, Because I’ve got to keep strong, maybe it’s wrong, But with younger brother, still grieving mother, I haven’t been able to say goodbye to you yet father And I’m sorry. Sometimes I’m just there, or here. Clouds receiving my stare, Inside feeling my fears, I’m full of worry. Worry that I won’t do right by myself, by my life Without you dad, without you by my side.
I know I hit rocky times but I’m still standing firm, Life’s a lesson, life’s a struggle, and I’ve learnt, The hard way, look at me dad I’m burnt. And have the scars to prove it……. Its not right that I gave up.. So I woke up, out of this reoccurring nightmare where my most loved died of a natural cause, again died of a natural cause. Adam de Silva
‘Pause’ by Lauren James
Inactive On trial Based in The recreational smile As I breeze past Shrug my shoulders like So what! As my blood boils I am far from FINE. A second later You’re gone The cancer has come Once more It has taken me abreast But I am still mad at what you said! It’s the radiotherapy Making you lame I wish I could have done more Held you closer Spent more time Never left Or not respond When you called It’s my Over all regret Of … Word’s I Never Said I am a poet With emotions left Concealed I made mistakes And now I reveal Before you leave the door I run up And said once more I LOVE YOU See you tomorrow. Lauren James
‘Rise of the dawn’ by D’Soloist
I put on a brave face and a smile Knowing that the pain still shows in my eyes. I still try to hide it but nothing seems to work. Numb from the pain so now nothing seems to hurt It’s like I’m in my own world where nothing seems to matter. Just a select few that were always there, no matter. The night came and the darkness surrounded me Captured by the cold air I took solace in the sharp whispers of the wind. My mind floating with the clouds not far below the moon Hoping at some point the sun will come and rescue me soon. Sin eating away at my heart We all do wrong but sometimes we take it too far. Searching for a ride on the wings of forgiveness I look up at the sky once more to check if he’s still listening. Hours go by in the darkness of the night and I’m not even tired Not a chance of some shut eye not even a blink. Eyes wide open in hope for the arrival of a peachy sky and cream clouds. The darkness fled as the sun awoke from slumber. The day came and the feeling of hope was replaced by relief. Down on my knees I raised my gaze to the sky and put my hands together. I noticed that I was alone at this point However I had entered the black night with other lost souls. Many had become tired and laid their heads to rest But I stayed awake, waiting for the day. The day came and I was all alone. Grateful for a new day and a chance to change my ways I uttered a ‘thank you’ to the heavens above. One thing I needed in this life was love. I need to be set free God is my rehab. Like an addict on drugs. I need to be cleaned. Once again I look up, asking the Lord “can you hear me?” D’Soloist
‘This is my Blueprint!’ by Kamran Assadi
I breathe common sense in, Exhale negativity out, I’m happily married, Positivity is my spouse! I have no fear, Except of God’s son, His spirit lives in me, We’re both the holy ones! Poetically inclined, To open your mind, And make creative links, I do it for the love of it, My heart’s the one that thinks! I grab opportunities... With both hands, Deadbeat laziness I really can’t stand, I stand tall, In my talent I trust, Working hard is what I do, I don’t like to make a fuss! Compliments I get daily like celebrity news, Every post I write for Nupe, Gets hundreds of page views! Breaking records, Setting trends, You can watch me from the bottom, Whilst I ascend! Some will say I’m bragging, I’m just being truthful, I get the tongues wagging! God’s my witness, My blessings overflow, They’re bountiful! This I surely know! I’ve been around the world, But I ain’t talking about flights, I’m talking about the experiences that I can still recite! Wisdom and knowledge through these has been bestowed, I pass it down to the younger generations, Who feel it’s theirs to be owed! My friends can’t do without me, And me without them, Is like the Flowerpot Men, I’m bringing it back, It’s Bill without Ben!
See I wasn’t always this wise, I used to make mistakes, I reminisce and smile, Whilst I eat my victory cake! I don’t let racism handcuff me, Because police don’t be my enemy, Me a treat them as friends - you see! Smashing stereotypes, Like the Greeks smash plates, Colour used to hold me back, But now it opens gates! Windows, doors, You can see inside my soul, I let the truth be told! Open your eyes... Behold! I drop lyrical bombs... With real aplomb! Flow so fab, I leave y’all on a cold morgue slab! I fly higher, Call me airborne, It’s a new dawn, You haters add fuel for my FIRE! I feel sublime, I got my fine... American dime! I lead by example, Making that path for my first-born, Poetry rap to my unborn child, I drew the map for ‘em! I make achievements, Like I’m running out of time, Inspirational, That’s why the world is mine! Don’t squint, Take it all in! This is my Blueprint! Kamran Assadi
‘Depth of isolation’ by Francis Xavier Labiran
Warm wet drops crept down my cheek, Leaving footprints of shame in their wake. Tears, I’ve heard about them, I’d seen her cry them, But never did I dream I would be so weak. Was I not the emotionless soul that was prophesized? Hardly, but she was deceived by my act. The Sun parted the Curtains that draped from my eye lids, Up until now I had not noticed its light. Or the winds glacial fingers Tracing across each and every one of my Newly born nerve endings Triggering seismic tremors that collapsed me to my knee’s… …where I should have been… …on my knees The day she left me, Seizing the air from my lungs Before they had learned to breathe. I used to adorn her with more Gold than Nefertiti Treated her body like a temple And when I worshipped inside her She came eye to eye with God himself. But her proclamations of Gospel I could not decipher I mistook her needs for wants She shook me off her crust And now I am a man without a world. The tears pace quicken as they race each other down my face My soul is aching My hands are shaking She is gone Now all I can do is write. My fists filled with rage but it’s too late to fight.
They say it’s better to lose love Than to never love at all But she was in love alone And now I’m in love…and she’s gone. And now I’m here…. with this gun The remedy to my unending pain Putting an end to my unequivocal shame Out of the chamber And Into My Brain The feeling is… is now… none. Francis Xavier Labiran
‘How can a heart be breaking?’ by Kiri Phoenix
How can a heart be breaking? When love strokes it to sleep at night And wakes it in the morning with a kiss Locked in the grasp of lust Torn away from right & wrong. An uncertainty of where all these hearts belong My bed stores the emotion. No comfort from a pillow that changes night to night The security of the comfort in reality subsides And a need for this love aches in confusion Like it’s hard to breathe And all this romance is illusion Sixth sense strengthens the validation of invisible feelings. That pain to break free when kept in confinement Beauty when kept a secret, withers & transpires depression When a heart is more than it is allowed to show Misery’s cloud shadows an inner smile Until the mind catches up with what the heart already knows. Kiri Phoenix
‘McLaren MP4-12C’ by Zee Chapusha
My strength has gone I have lost that thing that wakes me up in the morning That thing that puts a smile on my tired face and says ‘it’s a beautiful day’ My inner being has been left torn to pieces like an empty room in a derelict building Its four walls being held up by nothing but worn and weary wallpaper Like a cheetah after an unsuccessful hunt I sprung into you and went from a speed of 0 to 60 in under 3 seconds With every twist and turn I gained speed and momentum Feeling life pulsating through my fluid spine and limber long legs until! I could chase after the gazelle that was your love no more You have taken this once majestic creature and turned it into an empty vessel Good for carrying nothing but bitter tears and hollow breaths Once the hunted The sought after The greatly desired The ‘I can’t go a day without your touch’ I have become the hunter The seeker The least desired The ‘I need a day/a week/ a month away from you’ I have become nothing more than a good-for-nothing-but-carrying-your-shit vessel My 100% Egyptian cotton pure white sheets are now stained with the mascara I bought to look good for you My once Sahara-desert-dry pillow now lays soaked as though sunken at the bottom of the Atlantic, forced to face the watery wrath of Poseidon and his trident My strength has gone! I love you like Romeo loved Juliet Only difference is I am NOT 12 It has not been a mere 3 days And I love you ON PURPOSE, not by chance... I needed you like the oceans need the moon Like the world’s fattest man needs a gastric bypass, I need you but You Are unattainable I put all of me into you the way an asthmatic puts all they have into a single breath My strength is gone Like a cheetah after an unsuccessful hunt My strength is gone. But my spirit is not broken And soon I will rise from these ashes like a phoenix and hunt once again And go from a speed of 0 to 70 in under 3 seconds. Zee Chapusha
‘Untitled’ by Catherine Labiran
The candles cried into their feet, My toes curled semi-circular, The smog around the moon. You reflect the son you once were and now you Sun, Because you had me, In mayBe, Possibilities of showers in the arctic of this room. But, The truth is I cannot be with U. Vowels are only together in words like air And I cannot inhale. My earliest memories of you were goodbyes And now the womb that bled red Is bleeding blues for you. And I’ll check the passageway for your shoes And allow my size 6 feet to swim 6 feet under The leather of your size 10 shoes. We didn’t see eye to eye We saw fist to fist. Parted fingers between the banisters of stairs I saw the suspension of glass The spectrum Then the rainbow drip. I crayola, created you. And I hope you picture me beautiful And see the bouquet wedded to my voice-box were I found keys. And see my heart, where I found locks. The apple is falling. Newton and the snakes Birthday cake to celebrate the stray Finding it’s way in the mist unforming.
I’m proud of you is deeper than I love you Because there’s a reason for it. So, Tell me your proud. Because I love you is often the regurgitation of clowns And I loved the sound of love and how it caused tongue to lick and teeth mum said; “Never reject anything that’s free” So I took the I love you’s Without knowing the expense was... ...Me. So tell me you’re proud. So I can sleep. Catherine Labiran
‘The longest goodbye’ by Ezekiel The Poet
I wish I never had to wave you off I used to hate to admit it but running away never got rid of The words I refused to say- I still taste the bitterness of the misuse and betrayal At your soft, conniving hands. The same which undressed me and offered me pleasures which are often in high demand amongst man But now I’m soaked with regret, to you it may seem the sweat of love making which transgressed sex but it’s the realisation I wish I held onto my abstinence But I can never go back there again. Unfortunately, my innocence is 6 feet under, deceased R.I.P. I say this so I can mourn you properly And shed a light on the truth I hid from your murderer who I invited in to ride the tide that would wash you away from me Lost at sea, left to drown You were my crowning jewel, now I’ve been stripped of my riches So I wallow in the pits of squalor, chanting how I’ve got issues because I no longer trust these bitches, guess I’m a goner And the doctors can’t revive me, my pulse has faded From the moment I consented to strap on that protection I was sending myself out, into a war and the likelihood of my return was far less than the possibility I’d make it Back because sometimes it’s not the absence of physical scars that determine you’re okay, some cut deeper than that Irreversible, unchangeable, a decision I’ll have to live with for life- life’s hard That way it best teaches you I wish I never mistreated you I wish I put a little more concern and appreciation into you But all we’re left with is goodbyes and drowned eyes Mourning you till the ends of time Ezekiel The Poet
Published in 2012 by Wordjar Publishing No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher except for the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. www.wordjar.tumblr.com firstname.lastname@example.org Facebook: Wordjar Wordjar Publishing. London Compiled by: Francis Xavier Labiran (Wordjar publishing) Edited by: (Wordjar Publishing) Designed by: Kelvin Akposoe (Wordjar publishing
PREVIOUS WORDJAR RELEASES: MY LOVE
‘’Undeniably each poem either makes you think, laugh, digest the meaning of love.’’ Dami Oloni – Bloginity.com -
Who Am I
‘’It’ll kick start your journey into finding out who you really are’’ Diane Mgoborogwu – Black Crayon -
A Poets Soul
‘ If you have a love affair with words, whether you are a music aficionado, a prolific reader or a writer yourself, then you will find this collection a pleasure to read.’ Ayo Ogunleye - thesoc.co.uk
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